#amd one of my coworkers came over

[zukos-tiny-burnt-ear]

Im gonna be coloring this digitally soon enough, but i actually really like the sketch? So i wanted to share. I'll probably explain it more once i post the finished version, but its another fic scene

[faeriekit]

hello! ive been thinking about pursuing an education in library science amd qas wondering about the process and what the types of careers would entail. would u mind talking a bit about it? if not, its no problem, i was just curious. thanks

Bonjour!!! You have activated my trap card: talking about library stuff!!

Have you had any experience with working in libraries before? If you haven't, try volunteering with your local library for a few months and see if you like it first! One of the things I noticed really early on in library school was that people with a different background, like a background in teaching or in academia, often struggled with concepts that came naturally to people who worked within the system a lot. People think it's the same. It's not. It's close! but there are key differences in when and how you operate and the vocab and concepts utilized. Getting into libraries really lets you understand the rhythms and patterns of library work before you dedicate your life to it!

I went into library school already working in a public library, so I didn't really explore a whole lot of other opportunities, but lots of people like to get their masters with a specialty in other adjacent niches, like archival work, medical librarianship (maintaining a medical library at a medical school, I think it needs a medical degree of some sort?), academic librarianship (library in a college), teacher librarian (kids + kids' schools, requires an teaching degree), law library (ditto #1), and, of course, public! Which is what IIIIIIIIII doooooo and which no one really makes any money doing ❤️❤️❤️

Unless you're admin. They love paying for admin.

A Masters in Librarianship and Informational Sciences (MLS or MLIS) is often referred to as library school by all attendees ever, but it's generally as rigorous as any other masters degree...especially if you're already working full time. Every ALA (American Library Association)-accredited program has its own application requirements, such as your GRE score and letters of recommendation, but they scooted me in based off of a clean GPA during early covid, so I got away without taking harder tests ✨ And if you're in the US, you're going to WANT to go to an ALA accredited program, or else zero people will hire you ever. The ALA has a searchable directory for finding an accredited program that suits your needs, including online, synchronous, by state, so on and so forth. Use it. It's worth it. Once you have a few programs you like, you could see what they ask for application wise, or what the prices look like.

Librarianship, especially public librarianship, is hard to break into! I was rejected from the first part time job I applied for based off of...probably nothing, honestly- because the field is just so over saturated with applicants. You spend months applying to the scant few open positions that pop up. Everyone is vying for the veeeeery few fulltime jobs that are available. Networking is necessary-- join your state library association as soon as you know that this is your forever career, and your union as soon as you know you have a job, and talk to people! Talk to your local librarian now! Get the lay of the land and other great info about local options from your local library!

And no one wants to paaaaaay you unless you're in a really rural place and everyone thinks you just sit around reeeeeaading and meanwhile you're up to your eyeballs in library publications and program development and research and maybe even kids media, but I went into this job as someone already working in a library, so I had a better handle on hauling myself up into a full time position and out of a part-time depression. And I love my work!! Kids are hilarious and I love picture books as an art form and my coworkers are great, which isn't luck everyone has. I decided I liked libraries and the system I was working in before jumping in all the way, which helps so, so, so much.

Have hobbies, find a niche, learn how to maximize your skills in a library setting.

📖 Hey, it may be for you! 📖

[prettykikimora]

I had a dream I was a long time professor at another different magic school like Hogwarts but it wasmt as regimented and english, it was a little more laid back and liberal. I was well loved by most every student, I taught conjuration and charms. I'd come out as trans over the summer break to the name "Yorleana Moonstone" and came back to a hostile work environment, my fellow coworkers did everything they possibly could to get rid of me including literally silencing student protest to keep me there. I was instantly labeled a pedophile and parents demanded to be present in the room with me when I did one on one office hours with students. My students instantly saw through the bullshit because children arent stupid, alot of them stood up for me publicly without me asking, they would use the rudimentary spells I taught them more outside of class as protest and the faculty was not having it. I remember walking into a hallway of mouthless kids punished for standing up for me at one point. It was all supported by the headmaster amd nearly every teacher took part except the defense against the dark arts professor, my lifelong best friend, and help from the head jr wizard of the student body both of whom were too strong to punish without a concerted effort. In a final desperate act the faculty used poison gas to send my friend and I both to a spirit realm where I couldnt return to my body while they shipped them off somewhere. Foolishly not knowing this was a realm of conjuring it turned more elder scrolls magic at this point because I dont know much harry potter lore about how their magic works but it was like the soul cairn amd I taught about that specifically. We easily got out amd returned to conciousness amd found ourselves in shallow graves outside the grounds, when we dug ourselves out we saw the school in the distance was now wrapped by a giant swastika banner amd thats when I woke up.

[softshouyous-archive]

there was a c**kr**ch at work today and i don't know why my FIRST thought was to drizzle SYRUP ON IT

[fuck-customers]

this is both a fuck customers AND fuck managers (with a little fuck coworkers at the end)

i don't know who raised this guy or what fantasy world he lives in but fuck him in particular. my store closes at 9. what gives you the right to come in 15 minutes before close, spend 14 of those minutes ordering at the self-serve kiosks, and One Fucking Minute before close, order $180 worth of food.

first of all, any orders over $80 don't even show up on our screens (system limitaions or for manager approval idk and idc but it has caused problems before because there is a lack of communication between cash and line), and we can't see the kiosks from where we make the food so we honestly had no idea. and finished closing the food stations down. and took everything to the walk-in for the night.

i went back out and the guy is waiting there so I go, "oh how may I help you tonight?" thinking he needs a bag or smth for his shit. nope.

"I'm waiting on my food. how long is it going to be?"

"oh lemme check to see if its back here, whats your last name, etc etc." he tells me and i look for a bag, there is none. so I ask if there's an order number for his online order and he nastily goes, "i ordered it here in the store. i want my food."

i freeze and go "what?"

"i sent it down 10 minutes ago from the kiosks. where's my damn food?"

i look at the computer and low-and-behold... theres the $180 order waiting to be pronted out!

and this is where the 'fuck managers' comes in. i apologize and say i'm grabbing the manager, so i head back to get the mod, explain, and i'm expecting him to, like, say he'd give the customer a refund or something.

no.

he deadass goes, "well, since it was finished being rung in before 9, and we're Open Until 9, you have to make it."

I try to explain that we can't, there's no soup because its in the ice bath, and the ingredience for everything else are put away. his response to that? "pull it back out, heat up the soup. i don't care how long it takes you, you're making this order."

Oh how I was livid. I had to find my other linemate (because it was just the two of us, instead of three for reasons i'll explain at the end), and tell Them the situation and at first they thought I was joking. And i had to be like, "no I'm 100% serious, [manager] is making us make this order."

It took almost 2 hours because we had to wait for the ovens to turn back on, both the manager and the customer refused refunds, and just. Fucking hell i hate that managers never have their own employee's best interest in mind. I wouldn't have made my two remaining staff in the building do a catering-sized order by themself.

The dude wasn't happy he had to wait so long even after being told and explained to and shit, and bitches us out after we got him his food, and I almost leapt over the counter and decked him. Instead I went "Sir, you came in at closing and ordered an amount of food that would usually only be a catering order. You knew we closed at 9 and sent it anyway at 8:59. Amd you stood there and watched us put everything away and turn everything off. What did you think would happen? You're lucky we made the food instead of just kicking your ass out and having you come back for a refund." Oh the look on his face, but at this point I didn't care if I got in trouble it was 2 hours past closing and I was exhausted and wanted to go home, and didn't want to deal with an entitled douche anymore.

I didn't get in trouble ☺️

(As for the fuck coworkers/the reason we were understaffed, one of my coworkers broke up with her on-again-off-again boyfriend and was super upset about it, crying every 2 minutes and shit so she left early. I found out today that they broke up because her boyfriend didn't want to facetime every single morning and night and instead of saying that just broke up with her. I do not feel bad for her because A) they got back together and B) within the 3 months of her working here those two have broken up 10 times. Literally. I've been counting.)

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Soulmate au

Before you meet your soulmate you have to deal with a chibi version of them before actually meeting them. So can you handle it?

This one is readers point of view

Kai's point of view

Normally people immediately found their chibis of their soulmates when they turned 18. But every rule has their exception.

You were twenty years old and could only watch people talking, cuddling and cooing at the tiny little things or actually their real soulmate... this always leaves a feeling of envy, but you never losed hope. Seeing those couples afterwards gave you ideas on what to do when you finally found your soulmate.

And with the job you had on the library, it was always possible to daydream about it.

Waving goodbye at your coworker you sighed, arranging the books and getting excited to finally end your shift... That was your plan before you yelped when many books from a shelf nearby all fall with an unknown sound.

Grabbing just a ruler as your unique weapon as you slowly tip toed to where it came the sound.

You widened your eyes and trembled at seing the books were moving and you hesitantly poked it with the ruler... making a squeak sound as you tilted your head.

"A... mouse?" You mumbled before screaming and falling in your butt as the book suddenly exploded in front of you in pieces. Breathing in and out you decided to pick at it only to widened your eyes.

A tiny little thing with golden eyes, dark brow hair and the most cute yet weird jacket you ever saw was patting his tiny glived hands while staring nonchantly at them before looking up at you, the same bored expression as before as he shoved his hands on the pockets of his jacket.

"I-It.. it cant be.." you muttered, getting on your knees to look down at the chibi version in front of you. He only arched one eyebrow yet not moving one muscle of his.

You went to touch his cheek with your index finger before he growled and slapped your finger away. It didn't hurt a bit but you still put your hands on surrender.

"Alright! Alright! Weren't you suppose to be more gentle with me?" You exclaimed before deadpanning when you remembered that chibis can't talk.

You looked at the pieces of what was once suppose to be a book and pointed at it.

"Please tell me you can repair that..." he only looked at you before sighing what was probably in annoyance and going to touch and just as a one blink of the eye the book returned as you looked down at him in awe before smilling.

"So this is your quirk huh?"

.

.

.

Since the chibis cant tell the name of them you decided to name your little companion as "goldie" because of the cold of his eyes.... even if for the first few times he only glared at you.

The thing about goldie was that he never was willing to be touched. This confused you a bit at first yet you decided not to pry from it since at night the little chibi would always curl up in your chest and doze off, thinking you were already asleep.

You also notice his passion about cleaning. Ever time it was something dirty or you didn't shower he would emmit huge amounts of 'squeaks' until you cleaned that thing.

"Geez you're a bit demanding arent you?" You giggled while rubbing the sink as he nodded in aproval or confirmation... you couldn't know.

You usually left him alone, but then one day you returned from work and the poor little thing was so scared that it did something you never once thought he would do. Hug any part of you that it could find.

This must meant that in that moment your own soulmate was suffering and your heart clenched at that as you brought Goldie to your cheek as you comforted him the best you could.

Ever since then he demanded to stay on your shoulder and go out along with you.

You were on the library and smiled at a client who went to talk with you for informations, although the male was only getting closer and then noticed the chibi on your shoulder glaring at him like he was about to rip his throat.

"Ah, so you got an soulmate I see." He talked as you giggled an yes "You know what? I dont quite believe those things, what about you and me go to a-" before the guy could finish his sentence Goldie hissed and literally grapped one book, despite being HUGE in comparation with him and hitted on the guy's face.

"WHAT THE FUCK-?!" The young male hissed as you grabbed Goldie in both of your hands as he patted his tiny hands and huffed, crossing his arms over his tiny little chest.

"I'm so sorry sir!" You whispered shouted as the guy left mumbling curses... one that especially caught on your heart strings.

"Quirkless bitch and stupid chibi little shit."

You immediately had your mood down as you tried to hold back the tears already in your eyes before you heard a squeak coming from your hands.

Goldie had a frown on his face before he mentioned for you to lift him up to your eye level only to surprise you with a sweet little kiss on each of your eyes. You immediatly smiled back amd rubbed your cheek with his as he grumbled.

"Aww you act all though but you're a softie on the end aren't you?" You cooed as the tiny male in your hands growled, despite having a pink on his tiny cheeks.

.

.

.

Thre months had passed and you heard your door bell ring. All the hopes that it was your soulmate rised on your chest only to fell as you only saw the mailman handing you a box.

Signing and thanking the worker, you closed the door and found Goldie nimbling on a cake you baked/bought it and you giggled at him, with how threatening he looked once but now looked aa the most adorable thing ever.

You put the box down on the middle of the room and started to open only to be freed aa Goldie touched one bare finger of it to help you.

"Look little guy! You like cleaning do you?" You picked the robot and turned it on, Goldie already on guard as if it was going to attack you "Its a romba! It's a little robot that cleans the floor!" You smiled down at the shock on his face before he climbed on the robot and rode it as it was a car or horse.

You never laughed so hard on your life, especially when Goldie used his foot hit the wall to make the romba go to the place he wanted to be clean.

.

.

.

You woke up with pokes in your cheek, groaning you saw Goldie, waving at you as you smiled and petted his head carefully.

He pointed to the calendar and you groaned. It was the day you needed to go out to buy groceries, looking at Goldie who only deadpanned at you.

"Do I need to?" He only huffed and crossed his arms as you rolled your eyes and prepared to go out.

.

.

.

You were asking for some Takoyaki before Goldie suddenly gone crazy. Getting up on your shoulder and squeaking loudly at some place on the market as you grabbed him on your hands when he almost fell on the floor.

"What?! Hey you're okay?" You tried to bring him close but he only jumped from your grip and ran away. Making you panick and ram after him I'm fear he could be stepped on.

The little guy was fast and even used his quirk to make a wave of concrete to carry him. He turned on an aisle and you almost losed it.

"GOLDIE!" you shouted before stopping abruptly when you saw the chibi of your soulmate on the ground, hugging close another chibi with (E/c) eyes and hair with the color of... wait... it was you! It was a chibi version of you! Hugging and kissing Goldie just as much as he was doing with them.

You gaped at the cuteness of the scene before you saw a male running towards your chibi version only to be stopped by the same reason as you did. The man was way taller than you imagined, and different from Goldie he weared a mask to hide half of his face.

You gaped at how beautiful the man was as his wide amber eyes looked back at your with the same shock.

You took hesitant steps as he did the same, both of you looking at each other as if you both had found a precious and unique treasure.

His eyes slowed went back to normal as he looked at you. You giggled at him making him arch his eyebrow, exactly like Goldie, making you laugh before putting a hand to cover your mouth.

"Sorey!" You said between giggles "Is just that... you act exactly like your chibi."

"Same goes for you." He looked at your chibi version and then back at you, extending one gloved hand at you.

"So, what is my soulmate's name?" He asked nonchantly but the glint of happines of his eyes was way too much evident.

"(L/n) (Y/n). And mine soulmate's name is..?"

"People call me Overhaul... but-" your hand interviewed and you felt all of your body go warm and fuzzy at the way he looked at you "You can call me by my real name. Chisaki Kai."

"Alright." You smiled before the both of your chibis versions squeaked as your soul- Kai. Kai zend a half glare at your chibi version.

"What is it now brat? You found m-"

"You called me brat?" You asked in false disbelief as he at her one eyebrow at you.

"A better name than Goldie." He shivered as you scoffed.

"Is a good name... Goldie." You smirked at him as he scoffed, holding your hand a bit tighter.

"Brat."

[disasterfandoms]

You Shouldn’t Be Alone || A Seal Team Story

(this is a horrible gif as this has nothing to do with Ray)

Summary: Amelia has a no good, terrible, very bad day; with heartbreaking results.

A/N: My brain wouldn’t shut up last night so it finished this story part of the story. This is a three parter, and it’s part of the ao3 series myself amd @bravo-four-seal-team created. This is set early season 1, before Clay joins the team. It’s mostly Naima, Amelia, and Ashley this chapter, with Trent coming in later.

TW: injuries, hospitals, mention of death, mention of people coding, mentions of health spiraling, implication of miscarriage, mention of grief, mention of pain meds

Taglist: @twentydavid @bravo-four-seal-team @a-kate3 @rebelwrites @chibsytelford @supervalcsi @jayhalsteadfan-2417 @thegirlwhoisalwayswriting @mrsmarvelous1995​ @velvetcardiganbucky​ @itsonautopilot​ @pinkrockstar19​ @galaxysanduniversesinmymind​ @abby-splace​

Amelia was just so, so tired of today.

Everything that could go wrong, did. The morning started with a minor argument with Trent, nothing they couldn’t handle, but still annoying. Then, a rude stranger ran into her, causing their coffee to spill all over her scrubs, resulting in her having to change into surgery scrubs when she got to work. 

Work was an absolute nightmare: back-to-back-to-back codes, rapids, anything that could go wrong did go wrong. She had a patient die, got another, then they died. 

And now she’s a patient in the ER.

Every breath she took included a sharp pain from her broken ribs resisting. Her left arm is in a sling, broken collarbone, apparently; her body littered with massive bruising. Swollen lip, stitches on her right cheek. Massive black eyes, a broken nose that was corrected a few minutes ago. Grade I concussion, so while the best-case scenario, still annoying. Her throat was sore from the hands trying to end her; that’s going to bruise badly later, she noted. The bruises, scratches on her arms will heal; they might be the least irritating injuries she sustained today. Her sore back and bruised pelvis from being slammed against the wall may be the most annoying. Her legs are in surprisingly good shape, a dislocated knee being the only injury that’s worth noting. Nothing came as close as devastating as to why she was bleeding, though. 

She shook her head, wincing as she did. She won’t go there; no one is to know about that one except for her, her medical team, and Trent. Fuck, Trent. He’s going to be devastated, or relieved; she honestly still can’t tell how he felt.

 That injury in itself would garner a lot of pity. She despises pity. Everyone around her was trying to do it, though, from her nurse, Naima, to her coworkers who keep coming down to check on her. She appreciates the concern, she does, but she’s okay; it could have been a lot worse. 

 Needs a new chain for her locket, once again, stupidly annoying. It’s her comfort blanket; it lets her have what’s special to her near her heart at all times. Again, nothing that can’t be fixed, but also stupidly annoying.

Naima threw the curtain back, came into her space, and then closed them to give the two nurses some privacy. 

“Dr. Mann would rather you stay overnight to make sure you’re stable, and that way Dr, Leigh can do the procedure in the morning.” 

Amelia shook her head, then winced again. She really, really needs to stop doing that! “No way in hell, Naima. I’m fine; I just got a little banged up! And I’ll come back in the morning for the procedure.”

Naima sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. God, her friend was stubborn. “Who’ll drive you? That sling stops you from even considering driving yourself.”

“So, you mean to tell me that I can’t drive home?”

 “Amelia Rose Carter! You know better than that. I’ll try to convince Mann to let you go, see if we can arrange a follow-up visit or something in the morning. I’ll call your emergency contact on file, see if they can come to pick you up.”

“No!” Amelia attempted to scream, but her voice still sounds strangled and barely came out above a whisper, “Please don’t call him. He doesn’t need to know, not yet.” Amelia, begging? This is something Naima hasn’t seen from the young nurse. She could swear she saw tears starting to form in the young woman’s eyes, whether from pain or the thoughts racing in her head.

Naima crossed her arms, walking over to lean on the stretcher beside Amelia. “Amelia, is your emergency contact someone you’re afraid of?”

Amelia would have smiled, laughed at the thought, even, had her lip not be swollen, and her throat didn’t feel like fire. “No, Naima. If you looked in my file, you’d see why. He’s just very protective of me, and while I love him more than I thought I could love anyone, his care will feel like suffocation. And now I sadly know what that feels like,” she paused and listened to Naima chuckle. The older nurse then apologized, but Amelia made a motion to stop that; she’s glad someone could laugh at her dark humor. “He’s going to be so pissed about in the morning, though. We were so close to telling everyone that we were-” she stopped, tears welling up in her blackened eyes again, but Naima got the point. She grabbed the battered woman’s uninjured hand and squeezed it in reassurance.

“Okay. So if not him, then who do you want to be called? I know you mentioned a brother?”

“Scott, yeah. He’s out in the field, I think. You wouldn’t want him here. He’d take one look at me and then want the name of the patient who did this and probably threatens to kill them.”

“Okay, so boyfriend and brother are off the list. Anyone else you can think of?”

“Boyfriend’s sister? I don’t know her that well, except for the times I helped take care of her last fall. She’d be able to drive me home, though, at the very least.”

“What’s her name, and do you have her number?”

“Ashley Sawyer, and her number is in my phone,” Amelia pulls up the number and continues to speak while Naima copies it down, “Be warned, she told me she doesn’t like hospitals. You may have to break HIPAA and mention my name for her to answer the second time.”

“Second time?”

“She’ll hang up once you get out that you’re a nurse at St. Samuel’s.” This made both women chuckle. 

“Okay, I’ll go try her cell, just rest for a while, okay? Need some more pain meds before I leave?”

“You know I hate pain medicine, especially morphine. Makes my head fuzzy,” Amelia declined, she definitely didn’t need that if she had to go home to her apartment.

“Okay. I’m gonna go call her, okay?”

“Good luck.”

Little did Naima know, she was going to need it. 

Getting back to the nurses’ station, she talked to the doctor, who agreed to discharge the stubborn nurse as long as Amelia came back to the ER if she was having any complications. While the Dr. worked on getting the discharge ready, Naima called the number she received and waited for a voice on the other end.

“What do you want?” The voice said snappily, clearly irritated by someone calling her.

“Ashley, this is Naima, I am a nurse at St. Samuel’s Ho-“

Click. 

Naima sighed, preparing to call the number again. Amelia at least warned her of this happening. She picked up the phone, dialed the number, and waited for a response. This time, the number went straight to voicemail. “Ms. Sawyer, this is Naima, a nurse at St. Samuel’s Hospital. A significant other of a family member has asked that we call you to come to pick them up when they’re discharged. Please call back at this number, thank you.”

She hung up the phone and hoped that Ashley would hear the message before too long. 

Within half an hour, the same phone rang again, Naima picked up the phone and answered, “St. Samuel’s ER this Naima speaking, how can I help you?”

“You called this number a half-hour ago?” “Is this Ms. Sawyer?” “Who else would it be?” “Ms. Sawyer, this is a hospital and this isn’t my personal phone here. I’m asking for clarification, as there are about 10 phone calls per hour on this phone alone.” “You called me for a reason, snap to it.” “Yes, your brother’s girlfriend, Amelia, has asked me to call on her behalf for you to come to pick her up upon discharge,” “Shit. Is she okay, and why me?” “She’s been injured fairly well, with several bruises, several broken bones, and a dislocated knee. The doctor asked she stay for tonight, but Ms. Carter is refusing. She requested you, claiming your brother would be ‘too suffocating’”

Naima heard the woman laugh on the other end of the phone. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be laughing since it’s clear she’s banged up pretty well. Not wrong about Trent, though.”

Wait. No, that can’t be. Well, shit. Naima pieces together what she knows about her friend’s boyfriend. Oh, she’s so telling her husband about this.

“If you agree to pick her up and take her home, you can come at any time and I’ll come out to the waiting room and bring you back. I must warn you, though, she looks rough and shouldn’t be left alone tonight. She’ll probably ask you to take her apartment to leave her be. Don’t.”

“Shit, is it that bad?” “It’s not great. The concussion she sustained would be the main worry. That and god forbid she fell and no one was there to help her. She’ll need someone to bring her back in the morning, as well, and she’s incredibly stubborn about being able to drive herself,” “She got injured, and you all are going to make her come back to work the next day?” “What? No, ma’am, she has a procedure unrelated to her injury in the morning, and claims she’ll come in and do it outpatient instead of staying,” “She’s as stubborn as the rest of us, damn,” she paused, sighing into the phone, “I’ll be there in 30 minutes.”

“Okay. Let the front desk know to alert me when you’ve arrived and I’ll bring you to her. Thank you, Ms. Sawyer.”

Click. 

Sighing, Naima went back to filling out the paperwork, figuring out how or when she’ll confront her friend about dating someone on her husband’s team. For now, she’ll finish the paperwork on another patient, waiting for Trent’s sister to arrive.

[blkgirl-writing]

“Burned Cookies”

Jo March x Fem!Reader

Summary: Jo March can’t keep her eyes off of you. But she doesn’t quite know what to do for her feelings about a coworker, let alone a Woman.

A/N: THIS IS IT!!! My big, long awaited Jo March smut. I’m at work and decided fuck it, i’m gonna finish my fic. Thank everyone for dealing with me as I wrote this.

Warnings!: Bisexual reader, Fingering, Grinding, some internal homophobia at first, less Dom!Jo than I would have liked. MOSTLY FLUFF!!!

words: 3.1k

"You've always got your head stuck in your writings, Jo," you smiled, brushing your hand across her shoulder as you walked by. Dressed in your newest winter coat, you only meant to tease your fellow teacher in passing. But she grabbed your hand, and smirked up at you.

"Just like you are always in your music," Jo said, pulling you into the back of her chair, and resting your intertwined hands on her shoulder. "One cannot criticize if once does the exact same thing."

"I certainly wasn't criticizing only the best writer in New York...I was making a glaringly obvious observation." You pressed your fingers inter her skin, coaxing her into calmness as you massaged.

"The best writer in New York simply isn't true. You must not fuel my growing ego," Jo scorned, though a smirk clear on her lips.

"Maybe I wanna see a more confident Jo March. One that will let me read her stories, instead of running away everytime I ask," you hummed slyly, resting your chin on top of her head, trying to get a look at her writings.

"I do not!" Jo turned, attempting to slap your hand, but you moved away quickly laughing as she faked fury. Though, she couldn’t hide the small blush on her cheeks. 

"Oh yes you do, my dear." With that, you walked off, giving a playful spin as you made your way to the front of the school.

"I'm off to the Opera! I'll tell you about it when I'm back!"

"You should be the one in it, not watching!" Jo yelled after you. You shot Jo a kind smile, and closed the front door. The brisk cold air hitting your skin instantly.

_

It was dark by the time you got back. Feet sore from the mile or two walk. You didn't have enough money for a carriage, and you did like the city atmosphere, the lights from the apartments, the crowded streets...but that did not make the trek in heels and some snowfall any less painful.

You let out a deep sigh of relief when you closed the door behind. Finally able to kick off your shoes, hang up the heavy wool coat.

The fireplace was still crackling. Making your way into the dimly lit living room, you saw Jo still sitting there. Nose still in her paper...a cup of tea placed beside her, hair down and hanging loose over her shoulders.

"You should be asleep, you know." You hummed , taking a seat across from Jo. She lifted her eyes up to you, setting down the pen for a moment.

"I don't need much sleep, anyway." Jo muttered, voice low amd a bit raspy. "How was the opera?"

"Magical, truly. You would have hated it, though. The story was terrible. But the lead made up for everything." You laughed, 

"Bad writing with good acting doesn't make up for a bad base.” Jo muttered, 

"I know, I know..." you said. “Are you hungry? I’m starving.”

That’s how you found yourself making cookies at 1am with Jo March. Promising each other no flour would be wasted, nor throw at each other (even if it was quite fun.) The ovens fire lit up the room just enough to see, and the few candles around just added to the glow. Neither of you were starved as much as just an hour prior, but no one wanted to admit that maybe the company was what they really wanted.

“No, you put the flour in with the sugar, not with the wets,” You said, gently grasping Jo’s hand, moving it away from the bowl. She audibly sighed at the touch, though, her body tensed at the movement. 

“You okay, Jo?” you muttered, voice low, trying to get a glance at her face. She turned away from you, shaking her hand off of yours.

“Fine, don’t worry about it.” She smiled, forced. “Should we add cinnamon to these? I feel like it needs something warm-” 

“Great idea. Cinnamon..Clove? Maybe some Cardamom?” you stepped to the cupboards, where the shelves of endless spices lay. “Almost like a chai.” 

“Of course you’d want plain Chocolate chip cookies to be flavored chai as well.” Jo scoffed, though playfully. She leaned against the counter, watching as you carefully looked through the racks. Admiring you. How you looked in the dim candle light. Proper clothes abandoned. You shed your top and overskirt, leaving you with just Corset stays and a white skirt. A apron loosely tied around your waist. It felt so intimate. So quiet, while everyone slept in the big house. It was so easy to forget it wasn’t just you and her. Alone, but together.  

“Jo? You’re taller than me. Would you mind grabbing the nutmeg from the top shelf for me?” You turned around, pouting hopelessly as you begged her. “Be a dear??? For me,” 

“Barely taller,” She joked, stepping towards you. The wooden floor creaked  as she stepped, sounding far too loud through the heavy air. 

“Makes a difference,” you said, nudging her side.  As Jo reached up, her skirt came loose from her skirt, revealing her pale skin. You couldn’t look away, even if you tried.

“No corset? You’re very ahead of the time.” You poked the open skin, feeling how cold she was. Your finger lingers there for a bit...too long to mean nothing. The thought crosses your mind to just keep it there...to press your whole hand to her back. But you pull away, letting the silly thoughts fade away. 

“You know me,” Jo said, letting a breathy laugh escape her lips as she came down from her tippy toes, handing you the Nutmeg that you had almost forgotten about.

“Yes, and i’m very glad I do.” Smiling, you reached for her hand, letting your fingers linger on hers for a few moments, before taking the spice from them. Her hands were so cold, you were quite surprised they were fully functional. 

“Now...what were we up to?” You Hummed, turning on the heel of your foot, and padding to the sink, where the very clear mess you two made was. 

“When do we get to the chocolate part?” Jo whined, leaning her head on your shoulder, peering over at the flour mixture you had whipped up in a flurry.

“Soon enough, my writer. Even faster if you actually did you half-”

“Hey! I was trying, before you asked me to reach up for a spice you didn’t even need,” Jo quipped, turning around swiftly to lean against the counter, head turned to you.

 “you’re pretty like this,” Jo muttered, biting at her already raw lips. Her eyes scanned over your face, searching for something you couldn’t figure out. But she was studying you like a book. 

“Thank you,” You smiled. “I was just thinking the same thing about you.”

You cooked in silence, for too long. Jo quietly doing her own little task. Avoiding your worried gaze. And once you put the cookies in to bake, you two stood against the counter. Eyes drifting in different directions. The lack of contact was killing you. And Jo wasn’t much better,

"Y/n?" Jo asked, eyes now...almost filled with tears? The dim light revealed very little to the face, but you could see that she was sad, distressed.

"Yes, dear?" You quickly sat up, crossing the tea table to sit on the floor in front of Jo, reaching for her hands. Though, she pulled away, sorrow riddled through her eyes.

"I...I think I'm confused. I don't know what to do.”

"Talk to me." You urged, reaching for her hand. And though she flinched at the cold touch, Jo laced her fingers with yours. 

"Im...  I find myself attracted to women." She admitted, as if it was stuck in her throat. Words tumbling out and falling to the floor. She still refused to look at you. Silence filling the air for a long few moments. Letting the time sink in. Too much time for Jo to like. She was so scared, that you would tell, laugh, maybe even hurt her? She didn’t know. It was all so unclear. All she knew was that she was extremely attracted to you, and more so than any friend should be. And she had never felt that way towards a man, and when she tried, it made herself sick. “And it feels wrong. I have a friend back at home I should have been able to love. But I don’t. And...I’m quite sure now it’s because he isn’t a she. And I'm horrible because of that.”

“That’s what has got you so?” You spoke, a hint of a laugh in your breathy voice. “Jo, I’ve always known I like Boys as much as I like Girls. And I'm not the least bit afraid. It is simply who I am. I am not horrible for that. Neither are you.”

“What?” She gasped, word rushed, said with very little thought. The admission of your own was so confident, so true to yourself. It shook her to her core. 

“Is this shocking? I mean, I wear so much plaid, I thought it was obvious-” You chuckled, biting down your lip to keep from being too loud.

“Plaid doesn’t make you Queer,” Jo slapped your arm, you winced at the small amount of pain, calling out her name playfully. 

“Misses Turnime and lady Lilian? They’re a couple. And no one can ever name a day they went without plaid something.” You laughed, “I'm not saying we all wear plaids, but…”

Jo paused. 

“You’re...Okay then? With me?” Jo asked, eyes coming to meet yours. A sparkle of tears hanging from her cheeks. She appeared so with it, so confident all of the time. It was odd seeing her like this. It broke your heart.

“Oh Jo, don’t cry. Of course I’m okay with it. In fact, I’m quite pleased.” You smiled softly, reaching out to wipe the tears away from her skin. Delicately pressing a hand on her jaw, you leaned in, placing a quick, small kiss just off of her lips. “I’ve had my eyes on you since we ran into each other on the train.”

“You’re messing with me-” Jo stared at you, completely dumbstruck. Lips parted, brows furrowed. “No...no way. You couldn’t.” 

“And why could I not?” You whispered, just barely enough to hear. Honestly, you wanted a different reaction. You didn’t want to hurt her. Did you hurt her? “I-I hope I didn’t ruin anything-”

“No! No, I just...I’ve been admiring you, so graceful and beautiful. I can’t Imagine you liking homely old me. The girl too caught up in her work. You're..you.” She bit down on her bottom lip, eyes wandering down to her lap, obviously gathering the words going a mile a minute in her mind. “You’re just so pretty.”

“I don’t know why it’s so hard to Imagine, Jo. You’re pure perfection.” You smirked, placing fingers under her chin, lifting her head up to meet your eyes.

“Can I kiss you, Josephine March?” 

“Please, yes.” She inched closer to you, fluttering her eyes shut, letting you close the small gap.

She could have sworn, the stars aligned when your lips met hers. So soft and warm, fitting perfectly to each other. Her hand hesitantly wrapped around your waist, the other going up to your neck. Unsure, yet it all felt right. Just right. She couldn’t help the moan that came from her chest, bubbling up as she  moved away from your lips, and tucked her head into the crook of your neck. Pressing kisses along the skin there. 

 The pair stumbled into the living room, Jo unable to keep her hands off of you, desperate for more. And you drinking in the passion she so effortlessly gave you.

Jo laid you down on the couch, the light of the fireplace dimly glowing behind. It lit up your bodies, warm toned and cozy. Keeping the red hot fire between you. Her gaze so sharp, digging into your chest. Corset pushed down slightly, just enough for your nipples to pop out of the boned stays, pushed upon place. Skirt fully abandoned, you were truly a work of art. A painting, a song played with careful hands, a poem from the gods. Jo bit down on her lip, keeping herself from voicing too many of those helpless thoughts.

The way Jo looked over you, taking her hand and grabbing your jaw, kissing you with such force and power, it felt fucking fantastic. Power lacing through her fingers. She could make you feel pleasure, she could make you moan. 

Her lips trailed hot down your exposed chest, her hands working at untying the white skirt keeping her from going any further down. 

Your chest heaved against the corset, breaths shirt and eyes never leaving Jo. She was on fire. Beautiful and fierce. As soon as she finished with the ties, you lifted your hips so she could slide it right off, exposing your lower half completely. Jo's warm hands grasping your hips,  pressing them down into the soft cushion of the couch. 

You worked at getting her undressed, throwing her clothes haphazardly across the room, until she was just in her drawers, that hung loosely from her thin frame. You let your hands travel from her waist to her breasts, brushing against her nipples.

"Jo...please touch me," you whispered, fingers intertwining in her soft hair. The hair you had wanted to touch for too long. It was just as good as you had hoped. And the small moan that escaped her lips when you did so was even better.

It only seemed like seconds, time flashed by as she brushed her fingers against your heat, rubbing light circles against where you needed her most. Back arched and lips parted, you moaned out her name like a prayer, and she watched every small move you made. So entrenched by your body. She drank in the sight, it was easily the most beautiful thing she had seen. Like a painting from the gods, perfect in every way.

Then, a finger dipped into you, pushing in and out so slowly, dragging out the firey feeling that lit inside you. Your breath was heavy, and her lips on yours kept from releasing the dirtiest of sounds. 

Jo lightly grinded against your thigh as she worked her fingers into you, lips planted on the sensitive skin of your neck. It was hard for her to hide how turned on she was by you, how such little touch would bring her to her own climax. 

Your hand traveled down to her ass, pushing down the linen as you grabbed on tight, fingers surely leaving marks. It was her turn to whisper your name, shaky and light, begging for a release. 

“Cum with me, Jo,” Just like that, with her lips against yours, in sync, you came undone. Moaning against her as you shook through your orgasm, her own following right behind you. Heaven touched the two of you in a moment of pure bliss. You stayed like that for a moment. It wasn’t until she pulled her fingers from you that you were jolted into reality. Forgetting what had happened wasn’t some sort of dream, or amazing fantasy. Jo was naked, on top of you. And completely in love.

Jo’s hair now frizzy, a layer of sweat clear in the dim light. She stared down at you with a small, satisfied smile. Cheeks red, flushed. She looked like a goddess.

“that was-” You panted,eyes wide as your tried to grasp for air. 

“-Ethereal,” Jo finished, Guiding you to sit up. Faces inches apart, chests press together. You could barely feel her heartbeat, but it was there. Fast and hard. Her fingers pressed to your lower back, butterfly like.

“Jo?” You whispered, holding back a laugh as you pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. “I think the cookies are burning-”

“I like them crispy, anyway.”

_____

@sofia-r-1604​ @nina-a-holt​​ @rareimagine​​ @minelskede​​ @sweet-cottage-lesbian​​ @idontlikepancakes​​ @crazymexicanfangirl​​ @lordbyronbutworse​​

[prpledusk]

NOBODIES AND WHODUNNIT

Ok so theory time.

I recently made a post about vexen, infact the lil labrats been on my mind as of recently surprise to some but eh I do me, but having been thinking about miste4 walking chemical bath I have been bombarded with thoughts on the rg crew as a whole and me being me the rabbit holes dig themselves.

Dear god Im still falling but to put it lightly for the rest of you kh schmucks I think I just came to the conclusion that the rg crew cannot be held responsible at all for the betrayel of ansem the wise. The reasons why shall be explained.

Firstly we must take a look at the victem of this crime, ansem himself as its his statements on the event that we have to go off for this whole hoohah and lemme just point out something that I never notice anyone ever bring up when it comes to the betrayal.

Ansem, more specifically diz, is completely UNRELIABLE.

For one Ansem as diz spent most of his time trying trying to get the kh kiddys to murder the nobodies for the sake of vengeance and typically I wouldnt trust the word of a man whose willing to dehumanize and murder the fuck outta some kids for the sake of getting back at his coworkers as just a general rule. Seconed, Ansems knowlege on nobodies not only seems to be extensivly wrong but he also even outright lies at some points in order to get Roxas and Riku to do as he pleases, pretending to be tiddy ansem in order to get riku to not only attack said coworkers but to get riku to use darkness against said co-workers, this mother fucker didnt even fuckin blink when Riku was about to yeet his sword into Zexions skull like a fuckin javelin and had no problems with Riku getting so infected by darkness that it began physically turning him into ansem.

Not to mention Ansems himself streight up admitted that he wasnt in his right state of mind and his blind hatred and want for revenge streight up changed him into something else so literally everything he says and this includes anything mentioned about his old co-workers can be taken with a grain of salt.

Seconed, theres two questions that need to be answered.

1: when did the scene in ddd with terranort doing the stabby stab to the crew.

And 2: *Why* did the betrayel happen.

The first first question helps to answer the seconed. Specifically if that scene happened BEFORE the betrayel took place. If after I then the betrayel makes no fucking sense.

My reasons being that from what we're given there is literally no fucking reason for the rg crew to betray ansem. Literally everyone ((accept braig)) seems to have a high amount of respect and even love for the guy and dont really seem to have issue with him.

Lex: seems to still retain loyalty to Zexion and for the most part kept his soft spoken stalwart nature even as a nobody.

Zexion: baby

Dilan: literally almost began crying at Ansems return

Even: put himself in harms way to redeem himself, was trusted by ansem enough to be dad number2 and as far as we know was ansems head scientist. (And dont gimme that FOR SCIENCE bull shit, vexen was a slut for science but even knew when to use the safeword dammit)

None of them are shown to have any reason to dislike or want Ansem gone so exactly why would they betray him???

The answer:

They didnt have a fuckin choice.

Because theres a wee thing that the fandom forgot about.

Zombification.

As seen with Roxas, Xion, and even Axel has mentioned he and the othere whent through it, when you become a nobody you're basically a zombie. Head empty, no thoughts, not even a name. Your just an empty shell running on autopilot.

And as shown by Roxas and Xion, when you through the zombie phase? Your more subseptable to suggestions, your basically an entirely different person, and you have no idea who or what the fuck you are.

This lack of agency, this blankbrain? Easy to take advantage of. I think its entirely possible that terranort yeeted everyones hearts, took advantage of the zombie process and had the grew toss ansem in their nonemotive states. This not only would explain why everyone did the betrayel dispite not having reason to but also why when they all got their hearts back it hit Vexen extra hard, enough to go full nobody again, put himself in more danger, and proceed to fuck over the real org in the background and rescue ansem.

So in other words the crew literally had no choice but to go along with it, any agency they could have had in the situation was robbed of them the moment the stab happened so fuck.

This just makes it all extra sad. Since most likely the "they" ienzo was referring to when it came to saying someone told him ansem was mad, most likely that was either Lex or Vex so most likely they realized what they did later, realized it was a bad, but didnt care enough to fix it cause ya know lolno<3 amd decided to instead tell the kid a kind lie to spare him the truth of what they did. So in a sense their bonds with ienzo made it through the whole becoming nobodies thing.

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

you know that i think about you a lot and i know things are tough and complicated there.  i am constantly trying to make sense of things there even though i know i don’t have the full picture.  all i have to go off of is what i know as far as what i’ve learned about you, the bits and pieces you let me see every now and then, what you tell me from time to time, and trying my best to read you and possibly everything i can based on nonverbals.  which a lot of the times may seem far off since my “nonverbals” come from words on a screen and the occasional convos i have with you over the phone.  if i’m mistaken or way off base, i do apologize.  like i said, i’m trying to make sense of things based off of those things.  but this is kind of what i’ve seen/am seeing, up to now.

i think about the dynamic between you two, your dynamic for yourself, and the dynamic between us. Truth...I think the dynamic between the two of you is...and please don’t hate me if I am wrong and feel free to tell me off that I’m wrong because it really is difficult to get a feel for things when I prolly only know about 15% of everything that is going on. Or I could know 85%. I mean, I don’t know what you hold back. I just know what you tell me. But what I gather, the dynamic isn’t “genuine”. when it came to what is going on now, in the beginning, it was shyt amd understandable. He was hurt and angry and took it out on you. You felt guilty and felt you deserved everything that was given to you. You folks see-sawed back and forth from good and bad times but it was still really bad and the mental and emotional state you were in didn’t make things easier. Even though you were trying so hard to “make it up to him”, you were trying to do the things to try and “salvage” things yet, majority of the time it still came down to you and me talking. You were telling me the things you couldn’t tell him. Even though you were doing it for the “sanctity”, it was me that you felt you could open up to in order to keep things together. You confided and communicated with me about the lack of communication with him. Even though yes, you and he were physically there, I was the one who you came to to help keep you together and to keep going. I know you beat yourself up but I also know he had a role in that too in making you feel less than yourself and making you question yourself. I know he tore you down and he crossed so many lines in getting you to the lowest of your lows but I also know he did play a part in helping you up too. i know you had some “okay” moments and strides but I sometimes wonder who helped you out more, me or him? 

Now I wonder about the state/dynamic you two are in now after all this time. I know it’s not bad but I also know it’s not good.  my interpretation is that it is 40% bad, 50% neutral, and 10% good.  i could be off on that.  but i feel like you would gladly take and accept the neutral in order to keep the peace.  but that’s not how a relationship should be.  i know that’s not what you want.  you try to explain and “give him allowances” for his approach to things and how you justify his words and actions you but you know i don’t agree with the explanation and rationale at times.  i know that there is way more going on between you two and i get guess my way around it with so many angles but it’s not fair to you and him to speak on something that i may know nothing or have no clue as to what i am talking about.  for that reason, i try not to be as harsh and rash as i know i can be.  when it comes to you, you know i’m going to fight and support you to lengths and at the costs of others.  i.e. that one coworker at the jail that made you uncomfortable.  i may seem “harmless” as that guy with lisp said that he wasn’t worried about me but trust me, if/when it comes to protecting you and making sure you are safe, i know the lengths i’m willing to go to make sure you are safe.  i did check in on him once and awhile too to make sure that he remembered what i said.  i guess it did kinda work against you/us when he didn’t necessarily want to take the chance of working with you or covering for you since he prolly wanted to make sure to keep his distance...*shrug* *ws*

As for you, I think you are “a lot” better than before. I can’t really say that the exact word is “good” but I know it’s a lot better from your lowest lows. I told you that I even felt some semblance of “your self” here and there but I can still tell things are “not good”. Here’s the thing. I’m happy and proud to see the strides you’ve made for yourself and I can tell you are trying to do the same for the relationship but I feel like it’s almost gotten to the same dynamic you had before but in a trickier and way worse situation. It almost feels like you two are exactly where you started again before i came into the picture. you already had a bad dynamic between you two to where you both were moving at your own paces, possibly in different directions, and just completely not on the same wavelength.  i would venture to guess that you were ready and wanted to move forward but you either couldn’t or didn’t know how.  fast forward past that phase, where i come into the picture, you and me happening, the ultimatum, you being at your lowest lows, you still reaching out and confiding in me even though you are not supposed to, going through therapy, to right now.  you have come a long way and i feel that there are days where you are possibly “okay” and ready to move forward again but he’s “holding you back”, again, and it’s in worse situation. It’s like your “life together, the house, the misstep with the car purchase, his judgment, his priorities” that had you just being complacent with where you were back then, I feel you kind of are at the impasse again. I know you are not “all good” but there’s a part of me that feels like you are seeing things a little clearer now but he’s not on the same page again and you are back to that situation where you want to move forward but you can’t because of him, and I’m wondering if your lack of motivation or conviction to move forward is again tied to “waiting for him” again. I feel like you are ready to try to take those next couple steps for yourself and you are trying to do it together but since you aren’t on the same page again, you may be holding yourself back and I’m wondering if that may be preventing you from trying to move forward to be yourself again. Like, I know you weren’t happy back then and I know you aren’t happy now. I know you wanted to move forward back then too but you couldn’t so you kinda “settled”. Now, coming back from your lows when you felt like you were reduced to a hollow shell of a person and of your true self, I feel that even you know you’ve made a lot of big steps to even get to where you are now. It’s not exactly how I thought it would happen but I do like the fact that you have regained your sense of individuality and have been truthful to yourself in knowing that you do want more for yourself. I thought if we both continued on the path we had together, you would have realized it too on your own.  time didn’t give you that chance. It sucks that you had to get beaten down the way you did and had to go through all the “bad” and therapy in order to find a “safe place” to where you could find a way for your own voice, mind, and heart to be heard. But it’s like you are finally allowing yourself to see a future, options, and opportunities that I always saw was there for you. I saw that when we first started getting to know each other and I meant it when I first said you could do so much. You were either too timid, scared, or humble to allow yourself to see it. I think it’s possible that all the rejections when you first were trying to get a job as a nurse possibly messed with your psyche a bit. Totally understandable.  you are an amazing nurse and a valuable asset that any company, facility, or team would be lucky to have.  but more so, you are an amazing person and as harsh as this may sound, without him, i feel you could be in an “okay” place in your life considering how he tore you down and continues to do so yet you are able to find your own voice and mind a little at a time.

Considering all that though, I think you are overcompensating again and it’s possible that your readiness to move forward and his unwillingness or inability to do so has you in that state where you want to be happy but the situation you are in isn’t allowing that, so you are kinda left in a state of “should I move forward? I want to...but I can’t. Should I feel bad that I am ready to move forward again but I can’t? I know I want more but will I get that here? I also know that what I want, I may/will not find it here. I’ve seen what’s out there and I want that. The question is, how do I move forward when I feel like I can’t?” I think that’s where you are at now. It’s a different mind set from before. I think before you wanted to move forward “together” but he prevented that in some way in where you two were just not even close to being on the same wavelength.  so since you couldn’t move forward “together”, you accepted it, and made do the best way you could because you still wanted to be “together” somehow. Now, it’s the same thing but in a way worse dynamic and i don’t even know if you are on the same plane to say you arent on the same wavelength.  it’s gotten to the point where you two aren’t even on the same axis/plane anymore.  you still want to move forward “together” but your/the individual resolve of the drive is strong/stronger than before. You still have the same drive/desire, I believe in wanting to move forward “together” but now that you realize you aren’t moving forward, your individual self doesn’t want to accept that this time around.  the resolve of the “singular/individual (you)” drive is moving forward and trying to figure out how to get what it wants and is almost as if it’s trying to drag/urge forward the “together (you and him)” drive but it’s just so toxic and discombobulated. Before I think you knew what was out there but because you were limited due to “not moving forward”, you may have taken the attitude of “it will happen when it happens”. As opposed to now, you still have the same drive, you still know what’s out there, but now you want to move forward and are realizing that you actually have the ability to do so.  you bought a house on your own.  you realize that you do have dreams, wants, a drive, and aspirations of more.  so now you have a different attitude, despite the fact that he is still holding you back and even bringing you down, your attitude is now “I want to make it happen...how do I make it happen?” And that’s where your heart, mind, and decisions are at and are torn. You now have a better understanding of what’s out there and a better/clearer idea of what you want and don’t want for yourself as a whole, individually and with someone, that’s the given. That’s where I see you growing into now. I think the “where/how do you get it” is the unspoken thing that you need to maybe figure out.  but the bigger question is “who do i want to get it with” is what you have to figure out and learning how to accept it for him, for others, but mainly for yourself.  i think those are the biggest challenges/obstacles/questions you are dealing with and will need to confront and that is what is causing you the majority of the hardships that you are going through.

Or I could be completely wrong...*sigh* I mean, this is what I am coming up with based on words on a screen. Maybe I’m reading everything completely wrong. Maybe my “hopefulness” is clouding my judgment and the reality of things? That’s why I do wish we could just talk the way we used to. These one-way convos and convos in my head that I have with you doesnt even come close to speaking with you which makes knowing what you are really thinking/feeling difficult. Trust me Love, when I saw I want to know what’s going on or what’s on your mind, I am sincere in every way possible. And even if you told me, “I don’t know”, if that’s where you truly are at or all you are willing to share with me, that’s fine too. 

tangent and side note...they took my LPN from my team to help out at the main hospital.  so basically, now i’m functioning as the LPN and RN of the team.  i just saw a glimpse of my workload for the rest of this year and it is not looking promising.  it’s weird because i would have thought they would have had one of the veteran people take on this responsibility because now i’m having all the other RNs teaching me the LPN duties and i’m taking that RN away from what they are doing.  i’m scared that if i keep asking and pulling them away from what they are doing they may be less inclined to help me down the line.  it sucks because, yes, i prolly should know some of these things by now but i don’t learn or know what needs to be done until the situation arises.  so yeah, it’s been humbling, difficult, and trying, and my LPN is detailed for another month.  it feels great that i feel like i’m learning new things and figuring out how things need to be done.  i just don’t like the initial feeling of where they say, “you don’t know how to do this?”, and then feel like a charity case when they show me what to do.  there are so many RNs with so many perceptions, so many approaches, different teaching styles, and attitudes.  you’d think i’d stick to someone for consistency but again, it’s who i can get out of necessity because i need to get it done and the “regular” people i’d ask are busy because i’m not pulling them away from their own things that take priority over mine.  this whole COVID thing and outsourcing of resources couldnt have come at a worse time for me.  

lighter side...i have a decent sense of character?  sounds like a good thing so i’ll take it :P

curious...that post about “talk stuff out...seeing things from their perspective”.  is that something you are getting from him?  wanting from him?  because i feel that that post kind of sums up how most of our “arguments/misunderstandings” work out.  during serious and light hearted times.  like when we’ve had our major arguments/misunderstandings and when one of us “leaves” hurt, invalidated, misunderstood, or burdensome to the other based on broken convos through here and real time.  all it really took was a moment to take a step back, allow the other person to explain themselves or figure out together where the misunderstanding may have occurred, and to realize that we are better off figuring and resolving it together instead of dismissing it.  what i do like about how we go about things though is that neither one of us “too proud” to not say “sorry” if one of us may be in the wrong.  i don’t like when arguments escalate and never end because someone isn’t willing to admit they were in the wrong when they were clearly in the wrong.  pride prevents them from doing so and it just makes things worse.  but i do like how we are able to resolve our tough times, and we’ve had some of them.  i am grateful that they haven’t been anything that we couldn’t handle and it’s what makes me confident in future conflicts.  like i said, i am curious as to how a major one would play out but i’m not purposely going to make it happen just to satisfy that curiosity.  it even happens with our funny/fun arguments like with the apple or the pear.  it’s a joking thing but we still find a way to figure it out.  i like how you and i just...work.

we making that cookie? :P

and yes...goofiness in all shapes and forms at any moment does make any moment that much better.  especially during intimate moments where we are able to go from 60 to 0 because of some ridiculousness that ends up making both of us laugh and then going straight to 100 without skipping a beat because the random silliness is just so refreshing and makes me realize why i love you and it just spills into the physical aspect.  your smile and laughter is as beautiful as it is sexy :)

[emotional-blender]

Hi Shan 🥺 I hope you feel better eventually. Just looked at your master list and rereading some nurse Calum stuff and I wanted to know, when’s the last time he got sick and couldn’t go to work? What was he like? 😥

hi anon!1 thank you so much, i really appreciate that and this ask for helping bring me out of my own mind for a few minutes. also, oops, i wrote about the first time he had to call in sick but i think the last time was probably sometime last fall before the pandemic; pr there is the possibility he got covid and sat isolated at home, fighting it off with fluids and rest and beating on his own chest with cipped hands to loosen up the fluids/laying prone (on his stomach) tp try amd aid the speed of his own recovery. he 100% would have went back to work when he was better, because he's stubborn, but would have considered moving out or rooming with a coworker to protect you (because nurse!cal is protective as hell and even more stubbown).

***

the first time calum, as a nurse, was ever sick enough to not go in, he fought it. on the first of three night shifts he showed up to the nurses station when he usually does and the lights of the unit seem a little brighter than usual. he's sure the caffiene in the iced coffee, and in the exta hot one he has in his hands will fix him up; and the tylenol he'd thrown back in the car. he's gone about a year out of nursing school without having to call in sick but he knows it happens to everyone. he wondered, briefly, before his shift if he should have called in, if they could find anyone on such short notice to come in on time. maybe they'd find someone to get there before mdinight. he pushes through the dull throb at the back of his head. it doesn't get any better as the hours go on and when ten pm and his break time hits, the three hours he's been there feel more like seven.

"feel like fuckin shit," he remarks as he sits in th ebreak room, cracking open a can of canada dry and pouring it over some ice chips he grabbed from the kitchen on his way off floor. he doesn't normally take any formal breaks on a night shift - there's usually enough down time to sit in the nursing station and eat his dinner while he charts the evenings activities and does a check of medication orders for the morning. the night shift is a different kind of busy than the day shift. administraton isn't around and occasionally a nurse from the unit over shows up to ask for advice on something that's more medical and urgent than they feel comfortable handling. calum's been that person, wandering to the next unit when his was too busy for someone to give his decision making a double check. it's busy, but it's not like the day shift. there's usually time to sit, and if there isn't, then there wasn't enough time for him to take a break anyway.

the tiny blonde woman sitting in the break room with him gives him aquick once over and tilts her head sideways yet.

"think you can stick it out?" she asks, before her eyes glance up to the clock on the wall. it's been a calm night. qyuet, but no one would ever dare say the Q word. ever. calum's departure midshift, at 10pm would turn her calm quiet night into a busy one.

"yeah, for sure," he answers quickly qith a laugh. honestly, the thought of going home hadn't even crossed his mind. not seriously. in truth, he can hear a professor from nursing school in the back of his mind.

"drug up calum, it's friday," she had said to him at 9am on a friday when his nise was stuffed and his sinuses were blocked, his brown skin tinged pink and a little swollen from the inflammation. when the words came from her mouth that's exactly what he was doing, downing a couple day time cold and flu capsules with a gatorade form hydration. even nursing school, before it was a job, didn't allow for sick days. missed labs meant make up labs on the weekend and extra assignments to prove he'd really learned the material. it was better to just show up. at work, it was better to just show up; unless he was actively hurling, or in any state that kept him from wandering too far from a toilet.

he'd finish his shift with a couple more tylenol and a distinct lack of food ingested because something didn't feel... right. he masked before going into every room, explaining to one woman who was adamant that she wasn't sick enough that he needed to worry, that it was her he was protecting and not himself.

it was five am when the queasyness hit him, when the headache seemed amplify ten fold. as much as he tried to muscle his way through it, deny the fact that, despite the constant hand washing and the way his hands cracked a little from the sanitizing, he had managed to catch something.

"you back tonight?" the blonde woman from the break room asked him as the shift wrapped up, a small crowd of tired looking nurses waiting inthe nursing station for slightly less tired day shift nurses to show up.

"no, i already called steph," he shook his head, lips turning down as he gave her a dramatic pout. "i haven't used any sick days though, so," he shrugged a moment later. in truth, he was still so fascinated by the fact that he was working just as hard as he had been in school, only now he was getting paid for it. somehow that made it easier to fight through any ailments. he was young still; the fatigue hadn't quite hit him the way it'd hit lorraine, a fifty something year old woman with a bad back, who always jumped at the opportunity for paid time off when the amount of patients on the floor was too low for all the hands present.

it was a breath of relief he felt as he left the hospital and got into his car, driving himself back to the small apartment you shared with him because you were still saving for a downpayment on a house. he stuffed his scrubs into the laundry hamper as soon as it was in view, his  naked body wandering into the bathroom.

it was a saturday morning. the wake up you expected was a freshly showered calum sliding into bed with you, not the sounds of him wretching in the next room over. your movements were sleepy, padding your way to the kitchen and putting some ice cubes from the fridge in a glass and pouring some apple juice over them. you grabbed a sleeve of crackers, going back to your bedroom and leaving them on his nightstand before  you went to gently push the bathroom door open.

"you doin okay?" you asked, eyes cast upward at the ceiling because he never wanted you to see him at his weakpoints.

"yep," he answered quick, sitting back on the floor and looking at you. you couldn't help but let your eyes fall to where he was sitting, the look in them softening at the sight.

"i'm gonna get you a cloth, okay?" you told him, even though your words hung in mid air as if you were asking permission. you didn't want for a response before disappearing to the tiny hall closet and grabbing a couple of facecloths, running them under the cold tap water before handing him one and setting the dry one on the counter where he could reach.

"put some apple juice and crackers by the bed," you let him know, giving him a small smile. he nods up at you and you can see the way his face screws up, clenching your eyes shut as he turns away from you, facing the toilet again, gripping it as he wretches one more time.

you don't hang around and watch, closing the door behind you and letting him have privacy while you go to the bedroom to get dressed, you make the bed, turning down his side of it. you scoop duke up into your arms and put his leash on him, finally bringing him down to the small patch of gradd near your building so he can do what he needs to. apartment life is weird, he's trained well enough to go into the bathroom and do waht he needs to in the tub overnight, it's easy enough to turn the shower on and wipe down every morning before you get in, flushing any turds he may have left. in fact, you almost perfer it to having to pick up poo from the grass and bring it to the trash, but the bathroom in your apartment is occupied. you have a feeling it will be for awhile.

"cal?" you ask as you come back into the bedroom. hes laying on his back, still naked but showered, staring at the ceiling and concentrating on rbeathing. his answer is a groan, a simple noise to let you know he heard you.

"gonna go to the store," you let him know. he nods his head a little and you let yourself look at him, just to make sure he's okay before you diappear from back to the door of the apartment, grabbing your keys this time and leaving.

he's wretching again when you come back an hour later, stomach filled with some fast food breakfast because you don't want to cook and make the whole apartment smell like anything that's upsetting to his stomach. you wince at the sound and set your bags down on the kitchen counters, rifling through them for the medicine you went out for.

"hey, cal. i don't know if you can keep it down, but i got some dramammine," you meet him back in the bedroom and he looks at you like you're an angel.

"thank fuck," he mumbles, and you hamd him te box and a fresh bottle of tylenol. he's a little shakey as he pops them in his mouth, sipping carefully with the apple juice you'd left before. he gets up to wretch one more time and then... he sleeps. he sleeps and sleeps and you check on him after a couple of hours, feeling his forehead while he snores and press a kiss to his forehead.

"hey," his voice is raspier than usual and you know it's from the sheer amount of throwing up  he's done today.

"hey, you," you let your hand move to smooth back over his hair. "how you feelin?"

"like shit," he's honest and groans before turning his head to bury his face into his pillow. "fuckin felt it last night before work but i was a stubborn asshole," he explains and you can't help but shake your head, a breath of laughter leaving you.

"i don't know how that's different than normal but okay," you let the words out with a tiny smirk and he glares at you, but not seriously.

"you want some broth?" you ask, raising your eyebrows. "maybe a shower. i made clean sheets so if you shower i can get rid of these ones and they won't be all sweaty and gross,"

he nods his head and slowly pushes himself up, going slow, looking around the room before he moves for the medicine you brought him this morning. it's almist dinner time now, and they've undoubtedly worn off. he takes more before, still carefully sipping before he gets up and lets his arms wrap around your middle, back curling as he lets himself press his face into your neck. there's nothing to do but let your arms wrap around his sweaty body, rubbing over his back.

"thank you," he mumbles, before moving and pressing his lips to your cheek, refusing to kiss you right out on the lips even though he just rubbed his germs all over you; even though he knows he's been shedding whatever this is for days now; that if you're not already feeling it, maybe you will tomorrow.

"i got you," you nod, letting him go as he moves away, watching him as he leaves the room and moving to strip the bed so you can put those clean sheets on.

taglsit: @calumscalm @notinthesameguey  @treatallwithkindness @burstintocolor  @babyoria @lukeisbaby @zhangyixingxing1  @creampiecashton @myfavfanficsever

[harleenfleck]

“Despite the danger (Part 1)”

Joker/Arthur Fleck x Reader Fic

Summary: Joker is the love of your life, despite the reputation it carries. You know that, but you don’t care, after he rescued you from a horrible hole you were trapped in. Now, you both lives together, being happy. But you ignore all the risks that come with being the lover of the Clown Prince of Crime.

Warning: Violence, mentions of prostitution, mentions of sexual things, not smut (Not yet)

Words: 2.9k

Notes: Well… Idk where did this come from. Okay, I know, was Lana, Lana was my inspiration baaaaaack, and now she did it while I was writing this.

The truth is I wanted to write something like this for a long time and I just encouraged myself to do it. I think it went well (? I’ve divided into two parts, just for more pleasureeeee.

Thanks to my two brain cells again for made synapsis, I don’t know what I’do without you gurls. Thanks to the Microsoft Translate for translating some things I couldn’t translate.

And agaaaain the same apology HAHA I'm sorry if I make some grammatical, spelling or writing mistakes, english is not my native language, is other,  blablablablablaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Hope you like it! Wait for the Part 2! 😉

 ...

You woke up one morning, in the middle of some soft white sheets, the sunlight had come in through the window, causing you to open your eyes. You looked next to you, and there he was, ruining those white sheets with his green hair and his damaged clown makeup.

Yes, you are the Clown Prince of Crime dear lover.

Stretching out your arms, you looked at his face sleep peacefully. How could someone who committed crimes, murders and attacks look so angelic?

You kissed his forehead, got up carefully from bed so you wouldn't make any noise, looking for your underwear.

The night before, the assault he had planned for months had been so successful, there was so much emotion and energy in his body that he had to discharge it on you. And you didn't refuse it.

In a light dress, you walked out of the room, letting Arthur rest. Breakfast should be first, but you'd rather have a glass of cognac and a cigarette first. Looking out the window, drinking from the glass liquor, you thought all that comes with being the most wanted criminal in Gotham City. Sometimes it was anguish, anger and revenge. Other times it was successful.

Your toughts reminds you your past, your sad past. 

The night when you and Joker met, something that could be dangerous, but him it was your only way out.

You lived in an environment you knew perfectly well you could die any moment, working in a stripclub. Drugs, alcohol, dirty money, criminals, something of every day for you. You didn't think much about your situation, you were just trying to survive. 

You hated your job, but you didn't get another chance. Family that could help you? Don’t think so, your closed-minded family was so disappointed in you for a lot of things, but trying to starting to discover your sexuality was what it drove them crazy, throwing you out of your own home. You tried to get ahead and a friend offered you his help, but he spat in your face and cheating in your face too, you fell into that brothel was the worst thing could happen to you, and you just wanted to find a damned exit. 

But you were under threat, your boss wanted you to work for him until your body will stop being young. Your friend made fun of you, he was looking for “employees” for his boss, and you fell straight into his trap.

Every time you went to sleep you cried, waiting for something to happen, anything that will get you out of there.

Amd a magical night, your daily request before sleep came true.

That night you worked like any other, dancing with the neon lights and aesthetic wigs, feeling worthless. Your dancing turn was over, and as you came down from the table you observe the bodyguards very nervous.

“Shit, the clowns are coming, this gonna be a fucking mess”

Clowns? You thought What the fuck did they mean by clowns?

You looked at it yourself when they arrived.

It was the most feared crime clan in town. Everyone inside the club thought about leaving the place, but it was too late. Once the clowns came in, no one could get out anymore. Every clown was screaming, asking for attention and service immediately.

They were revolting and of course they were dangerous.

Although to be honest, you were already used to dealing with dangerous people.

They leader would be just like them? Or worst? Probably, and you didn’t want to check it out for yourself.

But the moment when you saw him walk through that door, walking gracefully and arrogantly, with one of his hands in his pocket and the other holding a cigarette, his green hair falling on his shoulders, and the clown makeup in his face.

You recognized him, that famous criminal that everyone in the city talked about, even your “coworkers” while they dressed and makeup before giving another show. You can’t catch your breath; your mind gets a twist. Everyone was afraid of him, and you were no exception. But at the same time, he attracted you from the moment you saw him. 

You bite your lips, you wanted to be with him, at least that night. You really wanted so bad, but all of a sudden you got discouraged. You knew there were prettier women, with better bodies, and well, with more experience than you.

Feeling sad and looked down, you decided to get on with your business, which was to hand out the drinks. You could see the women dancing for the clowns and they weren't fools, they enjoyed the show.

You'd come to the tables with the tray full of beers, the clowns didn't even notice your presence. Your coworkes were like goddesses next to you, you were a simple angel.

But there was something strange, none of the women danced for the leader.

He was sitting, crossing his legs, resting on his elbows and interlacing his fingers. Does everyone really be so afraid of him? No one had come to him to give him a simple dance, they hadn't even offered him a drink. It even seemed that he was being forced to be there, which might perhaps be true, or maybe his men did something so good (or something so bad for others) that day, so he decided to "reward" them.

You could have done what everyone else dig, you could get on with your job, wait for the clowns to leave and everything would go back to "normal." But instead, you decided something else.

"Any drink for the Clown Prince of Crime?" You'd heard that bad men liked to be called by the nicknames that the press or the police put to them.

He, without turning his head, placed his eyes upon you, looking from head to toe.

Oh, shit. You thought. Maybe that’s wasn’t a good idea

“You're the first woman to come up to me without fear of me”

“Well, it’s part of my job be helpful to all customers” With a shy smile and lovely voice, you left a neer in his table. He kept seeing you.  

“Oh, I see… I see you’re a sweet bunny” You blushed, and he notice that. With an ironic laugh, the prince clown smokes, that put a smile in your face “What’s your name, doll?

Confused, you doubted whether to tell him the truth, because tell your real name to the clients are totally forbidden in the “job”.

“Oh, it’s belladonna” You responded, hoping that would satisfy his curiosity. But you knew better than anyone that when a "client" was infatuated with one of the girls, he was going to do his best to have that girl for him.

“Belladonna, like the poison flower? Pretty, really pretty nickname, but I want to know your real name”

And to be honest, you wanted the clown to be infatuated with you that night.

“y/n…” You whispered. The arrogant clown started playing with the purple hairs that stroked your arms.

“y/n, hmm… Nice hair, beauty color”

“It’s a wig, but thank you”

“I know darling…” Stopping playing with the lock of fake hair, he saw you again, with a disturbingly attractive look “You know who I am?”

He expected an answer, and you were afraid to answer it correctly.

But why did he do that? What did he win for that? 

“You’re the Joker… Right?”

A huge laugh was heard in the place, the bodyguards noticed, they thought you’d be fucked. And maybe they were right, but not in the way they thought it would happen.

“Smart girl, smart girl… Let’s go to one of the rooms, I want to… Talk more with you…”

His devilish smile bewitched you.

Yes! You going to pass the night with him. You’d finally spend the night with someone you really wanted.

Taking his hand, you two walked to one of the luxurious rooms, and you noticed how some clowns turned around surprised, it seemed unusual for the clown prince to ask to be with some harlot.

Once inside, you threw Joker into bed, and you were about to undress.

“Hey, stop”

Suddenly you stopped, confused.

“Huh?”

“I said I want to talk with you, I don’t want to fuck you”

Blushing, you felt so silly, so embarrassed, at least the short dress hadn’t fallen to the floor.

When he noticed your shame, he started laughing again.Was he making fun of you? Maybe he had de right to humiliated you.

Putting the straps back on, you put your hands in your back, looking at the floor.

“You’re not a woman of this place”

“W-what?”

You asked more confused, Joker was just watching you, watching how you behave  when you were around him.

“Any other whore would have insulted me and said “Don’t waste my time” and left me alone here. You act only like a confused and scared girl. You don’t belong here, y/n, you don’t belong here”

His deep voice made you tremble.

Maybe he was right, but he didn’t know the fact that it was the first time you wanted to be with a man in a long time, and he was the lucky one.

“You’re not here cause you want to, or am I wrong?”

You didn’t have the courage to answer him with the truth, but surely your face ratted you out.

You found out for his next question.

“C’mon, tell me y/n, what kind of woman like you doing in a place like this?”

He crossed his legs again, ready to listen you.

You weren’t sure about that, why he wants you hear that from you?

“I-I didn’t really have many options after my family kicked me out of my house. A friend told me about being a waitress, but was a lie… And I-I got caught with more lies and now… I’m here”

It was so embarrassing that you didn’t even want to see him. He’d probably make fun of you.

He would take his cigarette in his fingers, smoking it, as he listened to your sad story.

“What kind of friends you have, it hurts more his stabbing that one of an enemy” Joker threw his cigarette to the floor and crushed it with his shoe. He came up to you, taking off your wig, caressing your hair and smelling it. That caused sensations in you.

He came to your ear and spoke.

“y/n, my name it’s Arthur, and from now you’ll come with me”

“What? But my boss gonna kill m—"

“If he dares touch you, I’ll break his damn face, by the way, is your friend male or female? It’s working here?”

With that question you knew that nothing good was coming. But anyway, you wanted to get out of there.

“It’s a man, it’s the bartender”

“Hmmm... Follow me”

You two left the room, taking you with his left hand. With his right hand he looked for something in his pockets.

“The party is over!” Joker screamed, the clowns stopped and got up, leaving the dancers aside. He let you for a moment, heading to the bartender “Hey you! You fucking liar!” he pulled out his gun and fired right in his head. The dancers screamed in fear, you too, the bodyguards pointed it at him with more guns. Joker took you again, surrounding you with his arm.

“I had a problem with him, personal matters, I’m sorry about the mess” Your chest contracted, he blamed himself for you “I’m going to take her, I want her for me, and nobody here will change my mind, and if you try, you’ll end up like that asshole”

Fear for both, you were hoping they wouldn’t attacked you two.

But the truth was that no one was drawn to mess with the Joker.

You watched as everyone stared you, in fear and pity, how you trapped in the clutches of the Joker. You wanted to make fun of them, but it wasn’t the time.

Away from everyone, Joker took you with him and his clan, leaving that horrible brothel.

That magical night, after you two made love, you asked him why he pulled you out of that awful place. Thoughtful, with his makeup ruined for your kisses, he answered.

“Love at first sight, perhaps?”

You smiled to him and kissed him again. Maybe you felt love at first sight, too.

Your life took a huge turn from Joker rescued you. You felt he was going to save you from the second he confessed you his real name. Name by the way, you tattooed between your fingers. In your other hand, you had his “other” name tattooed. 

Looking your tattoo between the glass of cognac, Arthur Fleck was the best thing that could have happened you in your sad life.

“Why are you dressed, y/n?”

You turned back, there he was, just with his red pants. Seeing like this I’ll turn you in.

“I was hungry, what if I had breakfast naked and any of you men came? How embarrassing that would be”

“Oh yeah? What kind of breakfast are that?” Arthur took your cigarette and started smoking. You decided to leave it to him.

“My favorite”

“Your favorite? I thought I am your favorite breakfast” Arthur took you from the waist. You saw his emeralds in his eyes, his worn makeup, being Joker and Arthur at once. How not fall in love with that man?

But what excited you more is that he was your man.

“You always are my favorite, Art” You kissed him. Arthur, with his feelings altered, he taking you to the bathroom, you two had a long and satisfying shower, he made you yours again there. Any part of the house he would make you yours.

How you loved him, and how he adored you. 

When finally he let you get dressed, he would wear his crimson suit, again.

“You’re going to leave again Artie?”

“y/n, baby, I have business”

“I thought your business ended yesterday”

“Crime never rests, doll” Buttoning up his turquoise shirt, you could hear his lament in his voice, finished buttoning his yellow vest, he looked at you and took you by the cheeks “But tonight I won’t let you sleep”

“Like yesterday?”

He let out a laugh, you loved his laughs, more when are spontaneous.

“I only think in you, y/n, in your beautiful eyes, your pretty smile, you scent and how I want to fuck you every night, my doll”

That blush you. Like the first day.

Everything of Arthur freaked you, especially his madness.

“Cheeky boy” Kissed him again, you really wanted he would stay with you all day.

“I gotta go, I want you awake when I get back” Arthur put on his read coat, you helped him put it on.

“Be careful darling, I’ll wait for you for the dinner”

Within their strange relationship, moments like this warmed your hearts.

When you escaped with him, Arthur had the confidence to tell you about his past. Both were rejected, beaten and humiliated. Maybe that’s why that night he had the need to get you out of the brothel, maybe he knows from that second that he saw you for the first time that you and him were soulmates. He knew that both souls are scarred.

Those moments when you said “I love you” without telling him directly, the treasured in his memory.

Sometimes he wondered what would have happened if you had appeared when he was only Arthur Fleck, when Joker still did not appear.

He stopped thinking about it, was dumb. He had you by his side and it was all that matters.

Kissing his lips, Arthur left the home.

He spent the day working, as much he wanted to concentrate, he could not help thinking of your eyes, your body, all you.

And how much he wanted you.

He returned early, and noticed the door was open. Pushing it, he went into the house and felt was going to die. The room was a mess, one of your favorite books was on the floor, wet with cognac.

And a note stuck in the wall with a knife.

You knew perfectly, despite all the love you felt for Arthur, your safety remained the same as in that brothel. It could even be more dangerous.

The note was signed by Joker enemies.

The assault the last night he did it was insulting to them, and in revenge, you were kidnapped.

Continue.

[floralseokjin]

I had the worst day at work today and just need to rant a bit. So, I was working the register at work today and I made a few mistakes so I called my manager over to help. There were at least 3 or 4 people within earshot amd she started telling at me talking about how I made more work for her to do and she has more impt things to do than fixing my shit and then another manager came back from break and she told him super loudly, and in front of all my coworkers, that I messed up. Like bitch (1/2)

(2/2) I know I messed up and I should know better at this point cause they were little mistakes, but I feel like announcing to customers and my coworkers that I fucked up and making it seem like I'm an idiot is uncalles for. I legit wanted to cry but one of the customers told me she was sorry that she was talking to me like that and it was uncalled for so it made me feel a lil better. Thanks for listening to my rant 💜

I’m so sorry to hear you had a bad day :/ working in customer service is not fun at the best of times but when managers/coworkers act like that it’s definitely uncalled for.. sometimes you can expect it from customers, or at least become desensitised to it but working with people who are rude and mean for no reason? 😡 I hope things get better, sending you my love 💖

[justanotherstory225]

Days like today suck. I wasnt feel well to begin with, but figured id make the best of today. When i got up, i actually did my makeup. Figured id look cute today. I made my bed, which i rarely ever do. I opened my curtains, i noticed one of my bonsai trees were missing. Turned out that it fell behind my bookshelf. I had to move that, clean up all the dirty and now hoping my baby is okay. Its okay. Its a good day. I went and paid some bills. I went down stairs to make my lunch. Wanted to do all fruits and veggies today. I know this will sound weird, but whatever. The past few days, my stomach and insides felt dirty. I needed to clean it out. Im chopping up fruit, its going good. I start cutting some apples amd cut my finger. That spent a good amount of time just bleeding and hours later, my finger still hurts. I go to work, its mostly no different than any other day. Me doing all the work while my coworker keeps running next door because their phones are down. Our phones were fine, we rarely call them, I'm not sure why she had to keep running over, but whatever. I tripped ovet a box of tshirts. Apparently, no one in the office knows how to fold them, so i folded them so i could get rid of the box so i wouldnt trip again. Leaving work, i start my car and somehow pinched my palm on my keys. Someone took my parking spot so o had to park in the back of the parking lot (which is a few houses away from my house.) I get out of my car and get bombarded by neighbors to tell me there is a racoon right by where i parked. At this point, if i get attacked, oh well. Just came home, got a shower. Had to do a shot today, asked my mom to do it for me because i started feeling really dizzy and wobbly.

I am happy to just be in bed now, and have to do it all again tomorrow.

I was planning on taking a selfie today, but that ended up not happening.

[princettegil]

There's been something I've been meaning to talk about for a while now but it recently came to a head about a week ago and I've came to realize that the medical field is probably one of the most uncaring amd worst places to work for someone with mental illness! You'd think the medical field would understand, right? Nope! Out of all the jobs I've had, none have been this bad at working with me or helping with my issues. I won't go into detail about what happened but I haven't had much in the way of anxiety attacks in the last couple years (cept for a couple incidents.) All in all, I've been doing stunningly better! However, when I have a job I tend to have a lot more anxiety issues (no matter what the job is, it just seems to happen.) So I've had about 3-4 attacks since I started work at the beginning of this year at a hospital (working one of the lowest rungs that still deals with patient care.) But that's to be expected; I figured that would happen since it almost always does, but I was intent on trying to sticking it out this time. Now, I don't like pity - let's just get that clear right now. I don't like pity, I don't like bothering people, I try my best to at least be as good as my peers at my job and I absolutely abhor bothering people with my issues (be that mental illness stuff or standard job difficulties.) Basically, I try to hold my own as best I can and I don't like to mention my mental health issues unless it's clear they're absolutely becoming an problem. Well, first (technically 2nd but the real first was a very small and not full blown attack) anxiety? A nurse happened to be in the room with me and took me to the main office where they let me chill a little and transferred me to work with a less trying patient. That's good! That seems reasonable yeah? Though what they did I agree was a good move, the way the nurse (an RN mind you) acted towards me was... odd. You'd expect a nurse to be well trained with things like anxiety or panic attacks and know both how to help out and seem considerate, right? Well... you'd be very wrong! Though she wasn't mean she didn't seem to understand at all what was happening to me even after I told her I was having an anxiety attack. She clearly didn't know much in the way of how to help me calm down or even deal with me at all working on her floor. But whatever, maybe she was tired? Nurses work their asses off after all! Maybe she just wasn't well trained with anxiety issues? It could happen. I gave her a pass in my mind but noted how it was strange for her to be so seemingly uncomfortable with a simple anxiety attack, especially one of a coworker. My 2nd anxiety attack went mostly unnoticed and I dealt with it the way I normally do. Took a break to go to the bathroom and try to chill out, stayed there a bit longer than my break actually allows but made sure I was okay before going back to the patient's room to continue my shift as normal. At the end though I made sure to inform my supervisor that I could no longer work with said patient because he was behind my prior anxiety attack as well. They didn't really agree but that didn't disagree with me either that they'd make sure I didn't have to work with him again. Then the 3rd anxiety attack. The big one. The awful one. The one that really forced my realization. Like I said, I won't go into detail on what happened. Lots of things happened that night all at once and some caused serious issues but are unrelated to the topic of the hospital's treatment of anxiety attacks. But the stunning thing I did realize was just how non-understanding and non-accomodating my supervisors (years long medical workers, especially in nursing fields) could be. At one of my last jobs, though they ran everyone to the brink of exhaustion and stress (causing many people to quit around the same time, including myself) they at least we're kind when they realized I had anxiety issues. It didn't actually work out the way they promised but they were willing to work with me and make simple accommodations to help me out (like working in the back when the store got really busy.) They were also very understanding and assuring even though I was terrified that they found out. At another job, though I didn't stay long last the first month's training classes, they were also understanding and my trainer took the time to explain how she understood what anxiety was like and gave me plenty of time and space to calm myself down (we got along so well I even friended her on FB after I quit and she's still really nice to me.) Basically, my other jobs were understanding. They didn't pity me (thank gods!) but they were open, supportive, understanding, accomodating and those coworkers who had been through similar really helped commiserate with me which helped me feel more comfortable knowing I wasn't alone. The hospital I work at now? None of the above! They weren't mean mind you, they technically said just enough to make it so that I probably couldn't sue them for treating me differently due to my mental disabilities (I have no intention to) but it really did seem like they wanted to put in the bare minimum of care to make sure that didn't happen. Did they tell me how they understood that anxiety was difficult to deal with? No. Did they try understandingy issues? No. Did they ask or try to accommodate me (like helping me to find a more suitable job there or letting me know I could ask to switch patients if things got hard? No. Did they seem any bit empathetic or even sympathetic? No. They gave me time to calm down (though they seemed pretty ansy for me to hurry up and breath so I could talk or rather, listen to them.) They said they were worried a couple times (while seemingly sounding and looking like they didn't give a single shit and were simply required to say it.) Did they at all mention anxiety is a disability or offer any tips for dealing with it? Nope! Instead they told me, in only slightly prettier words, to suck it up, deal with it on my own, don't cause problems, and that it's only gonna get worse from here. Not exactly kind or what you'd expect from medical personnel huh? In fact, that's my main concern - it was MEDICAL PERSONNEL! I could see this with grocery store staff or call center supervisors and probably write it off as just being ill informed or more caring about the cash and not the employees. But... trained, licensed, careered RNs and nursing staff!?!? Staff that I KNOW have had to deal with and care for mentally ill patients of all sorts? Staff that likely occasionally have to help out in the adjoining psychiatric center!? People whose job is literally to care for other people!? This is what disturbs me! This is what concerns me! If they treat a fellow employee like this then how do they treat the actual patients with problems!? Look, I know nurses don't have it easy! I have both family and friends who are CNAs and RNs and I know some of the shit they go through and how stressful it is. Especially since starting a hospital job and seeing stuff firsthand, I have MAJOR respect for those that can do such jobs! You guys have to have balls of steel! No... platinum! Dear gods the shit you ppl go through! I can easily see why you'd be frustrated especially with a coworker who can't handle the shit you deal with daily! I get it. I can see why you'd snap at patients and even eventually experience burn out and stop giving a shit in general. Hell, I wouldn't blame you one damn bit! But I would hope most of that would be split decisions, heat of the moment type stuff. Not when you've had almost an hour to absorb what's happened and had plenty of time to think through what to do or how to act. If you treat your co-workers like this, how would someone expect you to treat your patients? Not one of the 6 jobs that I've had treated my anxiety issues THIS BADLY! I'm talking data entry places, places with tiny cubicles, telarmarketing places, call centers, grocery stores, RETAIL stores! If nothing else I'd expect at least understanding from medical field workers! My supervisors, even a few of my coworkers - did not only not seem to understand but didn't even care! I was told by one to pretty much man up or quit! And some of these people, I KNOW have either personally dealt with mental health issues themselves or know someone close who has. Even if you know the job is tough, even if you know it may get worse, even if you've personally dealt with worse - you can't even say something as easy as "yeah man, this shits hard, I get it."? If I ever mentioned how hard my night was, my coworkers in the group chat didn't even care enough to respond. I mean, I'm sure you've had hard nights too! Let's talk about it! Let's commiserate and complain together! There's over I of us on this shift and I know you all have gone through shit, let's let off a little steam about it! There's gotta be at least one of you who'd love to rant it out! I find when you complain together about a tough job it makes you feel better knowing there's others in the same situation. Just knowing you're not alone can help a lot! Heck, answering every question you know the answer to with "just call the supervisors" cause you can't take 2 mins to say something like "click the x button on the menu" to help a coworker is a bit extreme isn't it? That last anxiety attack I had suicidal thoughts for a short bit in the midst of the worst part. I asked my supervisors for any advice they might have (hoping they might share some of their 20+ years of health field knowledge) they ignored my question and sent me straight to the ER even though I told them I was fine now. I can see the reaction for legal reasons but they didn't seem worried about me personally but how it may affect my job. They refused to listen to me. I went to the ER. Sat there, had blood work done and answered a few questions about how I was feeling and they let me leave. Why? Because they had determined I was fine and no threat to myself or others, just like I had told my supervisors. They never did give me advice. But they did screenshot my phone to show HR. So no, I don't want pity and I don't want people to get super worried about me but I'm always worrying that I'll be fired because of my anxiety attacks and the least a supervisor or coworker could do is tell me they understand it's tough (the job or the anxiety) or give me helpful tips or listen to me or ask how they could help. But being ignored, told to man up, told to quit, treated like I was just a legal risk and quickly unloading me onto anyone else they could - that's not how you treat someone! Someone with anxiety, depression, mental illness, learning disabilities, young people, old people - ANY PEOPLE! And what's worse is you are MEDICAL STAFF! You should KNOW about this stuff. You should KNOW how to handle it! You should KNOW to at least act like you care! You should KNOW how to comfort or calm someone or make them feel comfortable and not just like a legal risk or a bother that you don't want to deal with! HOW TF DO PATIENTS FEEL ABOUT THIS KIND OF TREATMENT!? My managers are always complaining about inspections and how the hospital is rated by patients and why and how to improve our scores. Well, as someone who's been an employee and now a patient too, lemme tell you your main patient displeasure issue - YOUR ATTITUDE! I thought before that some patients were just asking too much of the staff but now I know that they were right. But it's not about getting your apple juice quicker it's about being treated like you're either just a giant thorn in their side or a pit of money! Maybe next time I won't ignore that survery phone call.

[fuck-customers]

A 'fuck coworkers' story!

So, the other night (sending in on 3/28/21) I literally had to yell at my one coworker. A little background about her, and we'll call her... Baller (not her real name ofc).

Baller doesn't need this job. She's 17, still in school, and *constantly* talks about how she could quit whenever she wants, how her dad(dy) has loads of money she's allowed to use whenever, how she has a ton of money in savings, etc. She constantly calls out last minute or tries to get me to cover her because "she doesn't want to work [that shift]" or she suddenly got a babysitting gig for $300 an hour or some shit, which screws us over by understaffing us.

Plus she's incompetent as fuck. She got properly trained, I made sure of that, and she doesn't know the difference between Arugela and Cilantro (like??? How????), and constantly fucks up orders, and stocking, and cleaning, moving things, hell she's broken the drawers and made me fix them 7! Times! In one shift!!!

So the other day an order was rung in wrong. No biggy, we apologize for the inconvience and give the customer what they want and that's that, y'know? Customer's aways right and all that jazz. (Then when the customer leaves we bitch about it.) But Baller starts fully arguing with this lady. Like, "No, you're wrong, I know I'm right," just short of calling the customer stupid to her face. And I asked *nicely* five times for her to drop it while trying to fix this order while also doing all my other orders. I fixed the order, apologized profusely to the lady, and thought it was over.

Oh ho ho. Baller kept going. Demanding for me to reprint the ticket, she wants to see, obviously the women's wrong. And I kept telling her it was fone amd to drop it, it doesn't matter, the mistake was on our end and we should fix it. But she wouldn't stop and refused to do any of her work until she got what she wanted. Sl I finally had enough and turned on her and shouted, "Stop, you need to stop! I told you to drop it, and you won't. If you don't I *will* go to [GM] about it. Do your work, and *drop it*."

She got a look of 'oh shit' and finally stopped it, after a weak, "but I wasn't arguing..", to which my other coworker agreed with me and went, "except you were, though, and didn't stop."

Just.

Lady came back and asked to talk to the GM because she was uncomfortable during the whole thing bc Baller was arguing, GM gave her a refund and chewed Baller out but, of course, I come in today, first intersecting shift since the incident, and she was. Still adamant about being in the right.

It was a serving of chicken. 2 oz of chicken. It wasn't like she was asking for 4 salads or smth.

Ugh, $9.50 an hour isnt nearly enough for this bs. I desperately want a different, better job but that'll be impossible because I can't go to college/uni and that means I'm stuck in food service, barely-above-minimum-wage jobs. Ugh.

Only upside is multiple people have come up to me like "I heard from XYZ you yelled at Baller. Good for you." so.