#amazon selling mistakes

[atlazonbooks]

5 Amazon FBA Mistakes You Must Avoid

THIS EBOOK IS A HANDY 7 STEP REMINDER OF MISTAKES TO AVOID AND BE READY TO RESOLVE AND KNOW HOW THEY EFFECT YOUR OPERATION

[imaginarycircus]

I can't do much these days thanks to early onset arthritis and a total lack of cartilege in my hip. Thank you, hEDS. I bedazzled myself a cane and people keep asking me about it so I've opened an etsy store and now I will have ice cream because I can't drink while taking pain meds. I will fight you if you tell me that ice cream is not medicine.

There are rhinestones lurking all over our dining room. They are not as awful as glitter, which we all know is the VD of craft supplies.

I use only crystal flatback rhinestones which cost more than glass or resin, but have much better sparkle. It's hard to photograph the sparkle and shimmer, at least it is for me, with an iphone, but you can see it in the videos. So. Um. *taps feet* I don't know what I am doing exactly. Most canes are bespoke, or made to order. What if no one ever buys one? Well, obviously I'll be fine and I'll have my hip replaced with a karaoke microphone looking thing. The ball part kind of looks like BB-8's head.

wtf did it put the word shop in the link thinger photo? UGH. One cool thing though. If you have a cane people get right out of your way. People can be so nice sometimes. I feel bad because I'm really slow these days and they have to stand there while I tortoise by. I try to make them go first, but some won't do it.

[tyunkus]

amazon wishlist — kang taehyun

pairing: roommate!kang taehyun x afab!reader summary: your roommate and best friend, taehyun, finds a dildo on your amazon wishlist.

wc: 5.5k

warnings: masturbation, dry humping, dirty talk (praise, some degradation), pet names (princess, angel, baby, pretty), like One spank, teasing/humiliation?, penetrative, safe sex, mention of cunnilingus and handjob, also unrealistic because taehyun games here but. let me live my gamer bf dreams ok?

note: originally wrote this in 3rd person and then had to manually change it to 2nd person so sorry for any mistakes ! also still figuring how this site works so sorry for the plain formatting. i dont actually know if amazon sells dildos, and if they cost $30? probably not but yk... artistic liberty... capitalism...

There’s no chicken.

You notice this one Friday afternoon in the middle of July, while the pavements outside sizzle from the heat and the sun spills through the windows and warms up your back. You’re in the kitchen, sifting through a pathetic heap of frozen food. Usually, you head to the nearby supermarket after pilates class to pick up a pack of bacon; other times, Taehyun comes home after a day with Kai bearing a bag of frozen wedges. Either way, it’s clear that neither of you have bought anything edible since your last grocery run two weeks ago.

Frozen french fries. Korean corndogs. A half-empty pack of fishcakes. No chicken.

You open the fridge, eyes skimming over its meager contents, as if it would be there. It isn’t. You open the freezer again, wondering if the gods above would be so gracious as to summon some chicken breast into your freezer to feed you and your roommate tonight. They don’t.

“Maybe we should go grocery shopping.”

You’re fresh from a long, elaborate shower. Your hair falls in wet tresses over your shoulders and you’re clad in dolphin shorts and a big shirt that might have been Taehyun’s but you borrowed so often and for so long that he probably forgot it ever belonged to him. It’s your turn to cook dinner and you’re grumbling over the fact that Taehyun cooked your only remaining pack of chicken breast last night when you hear his bedroom door click open.

Just in time. A shitty rap song follows the sound of the soft padding of his footsteps against the floor. “Hey, you home?” he calls from halfway down the hallway, but you cut him off before he can say anything else.

“I told you I would cook chicken and you still finished it last night, and now there’s nothing for me to cook, asshole,” you say, more exasperated than angry. You turn around just as he walks in, wearing nothing but black joggers and his obnoxious RGB headset. His eyes are wide and bashful. You wrinkle your nose and turn around again. “What happened to your shirt?”

Taehyun has the decency to sound sheepish. “Sorry, I was playing with the boys,” he mumbles, like that wasn’t painfully obvious already. You have no problem with seeing Taehyun or shirtless guys by themselves, but a shirtless Taehyun has you torn between wanting to throw up and throwing away your clothes. Maybe to other people having a first-class view of his washboard abs sounds like a blessing, but to you, it’s only a level below mental distress.

“Tell Kai I said hi,” you say absently, now going through your drawers for restaurant flyers (if worse comes to worst, you’ll order takeout for tonight). “Anyway, what’d you come outside for?”

“I needed to talk to you about something.”

At this, you peer over your shoulder, studying Taehyun’s face. He doesn’t look particularly upset, just stoic, which is a dangerous sign in itself. Taehyun’s usually calm, but he’s not stoic—at least, not in this stage of your friendship, when Taehyun has known you long enough to stop pretending that he’s some sort of tsundere.

“Is something wrong?” you ask softly, turning around to lean against the counter.

“I saw your wishlist on Amazon. Why do you have a dildo on there?”

The words fall on you like a bucket of hardened cement. You feel your heart rate increase by about a thousand beats.

“I—you what?” you sputter in disbelief. There are a few seconds in-between this moment of horror where you want to scold him, yell at him, do anything, but it’s not like he’s in the wrong. It’s your Amazon wishlist. But why was he snooping around on it? And why did you put a dildo on it? Fuck. Your mind searches for an intelligent response, but all that falls out of your mouth is, “Other people can see that?”

Taehyun raises his eyebrows. “Yes? I hope you didn’t share it with your parents or anything, ‘cause it’s like, the first one on the list.”

You grip the counter, suddenly feeling very ill. “Oh. Shit.” You had not done anything of the sort—you kept your parents away from your online presence for that very reason. But if anyone was to stumble upon your questionable wishlist on Amazon dot com, you weren’t expecting Taehyun of all people. Your best friend? And roommate? Really? Fuck Jeff Bezos, for real.

“But that’s besides the point,” Taehyun says, advancing towards you, and you back up a little. Between his tall, wide-shouldered frame and you being a good bit smaller, you discover that it is very, very easy to feel intimidated, almost trapped, by him. “Why do you need to buy one? You know I got a dick, right?”

It’s like another punch to the stomach, except someone also crushed your head with a boulder. If you weren’t red before, you definitely are now, sweat pooling at your palms at his implication. “What the fuck are you talking about.”

Taehyun shrugs and reaches behind you to grab a glass from the dish holder. “I’m just saying,” he says, making his way over to the sink. “Why waste thirty dollars on some plastic when you can get the real thing for free? And better?”

Are you even hearing him right? “Genuinely what are you on,” you say, still aghast. “I wanted to buy one because—because—I mean, I-I don’t know, it’s normal! Shit, Taehyun, does it really matter? Don’t tell me you’re being serious.”

He shrugs again. “Why not?”

You say the first thing that pops into your mind. “What if it sucks?”

Taehyun only laughs. “You really have that little faith in me?”

“I don’t know!” You think briefly on the sex talks you two have had—some you had sprawled over each other on the couch, glasses of soju in hand; others you had during movie nights, clay masks smeared over your faces while you struggled not to laugh too hard. They were fun, sure, but it’s one thing to hear Taehyun talk about fucking other people and another to hear him talk about fucking you. To your knowledge, Taehyun’s pretty good in bed, but… But why are you even considering it? You both have been best friends for years. If you have sex, it’s only going to ruin your friendship. There are other ways for you to feel good—ways that don’t risk a seven-year friendship and getting kicked out of the apartment.

“I don’t know,” you say again, suddenly terrified at yourself for not giving him a straight answer. It should be a hard, flat no! You shouldn’t be considering it all! Yet here you are, your brain suddenly full of the thought of Taehyun and his dick.

“Hey, I’m just saying. Trying to open up some options for you here. I’m one hundred percent willing, but only if you are.” Taehyun puts up his hands like that settles it. He flashes you a smile. “Just tell me, okay? And if you still don’t want to, that’s chill too. We’ll both act like this never happened.”

Is that even possible? “Right,” you say, feeling faint. “Okay, yeah.”

Taehyun’s smile doesn’t fade. You can only watch as he takes a swig of water and shuffles happily to his room.

You think about it. Probably a bit too much.

You have an essay to write for your class, and it’s due in a few hours—but you can’t stop thinking about it. It being Taehyun fucking you. In your defense, you’ve been pent up all week, trying to balance your academics and health and social life and Taehyun all without having any time for yourself, so it makes sense, you think. You hope it makes sense that you’re fantasizing about your roommate, considering everything that’s happening to you.

You shut your laptop and sigh, lying back down on your bed. Taehyun has been acting completely normal in the three days between now and when he had first made his offer, which you are endlessly grateful for, but also bewildered by. He had even paid for takeout that same night, and you had eaten it together on the floor of your living room, and it was like nothing had even happened. Still, you’ve been mulling it over ever since. Pondering it, if you will. And it’s not your first time. Many nights you have found your tired, worn-out brain wandering to your roommate, his pretty face, great body, cute personality… How it would feel. What he would do. Taehyun, leaning over you, kissing you, running his pretty hands up and down your skin. Nipping at your collarbone with his sharp, perfect teeth. Grazing them along your neck, sucking at the soft parts.

Fuck. You’re wet.

You feel crazy.

Your hands slide down your panties, face burning with shame. The only thing you can think of is Taehyun, his soft skin and pretty brown eyes, his lean arms and chest. You picture him above you, caging you between his arms, a glittering smile on his face as he touches you, his back muscles flexing. Do you like that? he whispers, his voice low and raspy. You don’t even have to work hard to imagine what he sounds like during sex—the walls here are awfully thin, he’s a twenty-one-year-old guy, and you’ve thought about it more often than not.

“Fuck,” you keen, your hips rolling up as you dip your finger into your folds. Your free hand trails up your torso and into your mouth; you roll your tongue around your fingers and wish, crazily, that you were sucking on Taehyun’s instead. “Shit, oh f—”

“About your offer.”

You’re sitting at the dining table. Taehyun is halfway through his serving of pancakes that you made for him in a partly-tired, mostly-horny daze. After a particularly busy morning, you can’t remember much of last night other than the fact that you fucked yourself sore and came three times in a row, no refractory period, and now you can barely hold your fork.

Taehyun looks up at you. He’s shirtless again. If you were any crazier you would be disappointed that he never left much room for imagination before your first time together. “My offer,” he echoes.

“From a few days ago,” you clarify, poking your fork through your slice of toast. “The. You-fucking-me thing.”

“Ah.” Taehyun leans back and you can tell he’s fighting down a smile. “Yeah, what about it?”

“Well. I’ve been kinda… you know, lately,” you begin, staring hard at your plate, “and I was gonna buy the… you know, but then I realized my shipping address is still at my parents’ house and I really don’t want to wait for another week or pay extra to get it the next day or pay thirty dollars for a plastic dick so—”

“So you want me to fuck you?”

You let out a breath and brave a glance at him. “Yeah,” you mumble.

“That’s all you had to say,” Taehyun says with a smile. He pushes his plate away and fixes you with a look. “When do you want to do it? Kinda weird to be planning this out, no?”

You groan and bury your face in your hands. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to do it,” you groan.

Taehyun laughs, reaching over to touch your arm. “Don’t worry about it. What about later tonight? After you’re finished with your homework, I can help you unwind,” he suggests, and he sounds like he’s just telling you about the weather—but his voice has dropped about three octaves and normally you would find this shit cringe, but. Holy fuck.

You aren’t one for slutshaming, but perhaps you are one yourself. You squeeze your thighs together and nod, your gaze falling to the table. “Sure. That sounds good.”

“Good. You can come to my room once you’ve finished. I won’t be playing tonight, so don’t worry about interrupting. Well, you might be interrupting something, but—”

“Okay, okay, I get it. Nooo need to elaborate,” you spit, standing up and picking up your plate. Taehyun laughs as you walk over to the sink and put away your dish. When you return back to the dining table, he continues eating like nothing happened. “I’ll go study now.”

“Study well, pretty.”

You make a vague sound of affirmation before slipping inside your room again. You back up against the door and take a second to breathe, then shuffle over to your closet.

Your panties are wet. Again.

“Come in.”

You step inside his room. It’s dark—his lights aren’t on, save for the RGB strips on his setup. He sits on his chair, legs spread, lap looking awfully inviting. For once, he’s wearing a hoodie, and he looks like he just got off a game.

“I expected to catch you at a more… compromising time,” you say, carefully.

“Funny way to say you wanted to see me jerking off.”

“I didn’t say that,” you say with a frown, and you stop walking in front of his chair. Taehyun pats his lap. He’s smiling so, so wide.

“Take a seat.”

You’re grateful when his hands reach up to cup your waist, guiding you as you slide a leg over him and sit down. It’s weird—oddly comfortable, but your tits are pressed up against his chest and your faces are really, really close. Like, close enough you can see each of his eyelashes. He’s so, so pretty.

Taehyun looks you in the eye. “Can I kiss you?” he asks, voice soft. When you nod, he hums and squeezes your waist. “Alright. Tell me about your day.”

“Huh?”

“Foreplay, baby. That’s like, the whole essence of a hookup.” Taehyun raises his eyebrows at you. “Would you just play along?”

“Fine, fine. I didn’t do mu—oh,” you gasp, as Taehyun’s lips latch onto your neck, pulling you into him. “Ah, fuck. I didn’t do much. I—I woke up early and did some assignments. Got a ninety percent on my mock exams.”

“Woah,” Taehyun says, pulling away. His eyes are bright. “Really?”

“Yeah. All of them.”

“Damn. Good job. Sometimes I forget you’re smart and hot,” he murmurs in between kisses. “Perfect girl.”

Holy shit. “Um—and then I went to the gym and this guy asked me for my number,” you continue. Taehyun licks at your throat and bites down hard. “Ow, fuck you. I said no thanks and then went back home and showered.”

“Did you do anything in the shower?”

You scoff as he licks along your jaw. “No. I’m not a perv like you.”

“Not a good idea to make fun of the guy who’s about to fuck you.”

“Sorry. Can’t help it.”

“And then what?”

“And then I had breakfast with you and after, I… I fucked myself a little.” Taehyun groans and your breath hitches in your throat. “I thought of you.”

He chuckles. “I would have been a little confused if you hadn’t. You must have been so pent up, baby, huh?”

You grab a fistful of his hair and pulls him away from your neck so your eyes meet. “I’ve been thinking of you. For a long time. Even before you made the offer,” you say, barely breathing. Your grip loosens, and you watch as his eyes grow dark. “Anytime I got h-horny, I—I imagined you. And I… was going to buy the toy ’cause I never thought I’d get the real thing with you.”

Taehyun seems taken aback, but his face of faint surprise melts into his usual cocky smile and he presses his lips against yours.

“I’m sorry to disappoint, but the real thing is a little bigger than five inches, baby.”

If you weren’t wet before, you’re drenched now. You feel a little bad for his grey sweatpants, the front all smeared with your precum. But knowing Taehyun, he’d probably like that.

You continue kissing for a while, Taehyun’s gaming chair creaking incessantly underneath your weight, but you’re too turned on to be bothered. He’s still playing with your panties, rubbing you over them. You honestly, truly might die.

“Taehyun,” you say, pulling away. He looks like a mess, lipgloss smeared all over his mouth, hair messy from your constant running your hands through them. “Can you touch me?”

“I am touching you, baby.”

You whine. “No, no, like—like inside me, please, fuck.”

“Use your pretty voice to ask me nicely.”

You take a deep breath but it’s let out as a whimper. “Please, Taehyun. Fuck me with your fingers,” you mumble, burying your face in his neck. “Please, please. Please.”

“Good job, princess. Of course. Anything you want.”

And you—you almost die, and it shows with the way you squeezes your thighs together and nuzzle your face deeper into his shoulder, letting out a soft moan when he finally moves to comply.

Taehyun seems to notice, because something in his eyes shifts and he leans in, kissing your cheek. “Do you like it when I praise you, baby? Come on, tell me everything. Tell me what turns you on. Want to make you feel good.”

“I like praise, yeah,” you say, your voice trembling as he moves his hands down to the hem of your panties. “Praise and… And some degradation, too, but mostly praise. I like pet names and—fuck—biting and spanking and k-kissing, fuck, even just kissing turns me on so much.”

“I can tell, baby.” Taehyun glides a finger over your cunt and smiles. “You’re fucking soaked. So cuuute.” He coos it, like you’re some sort of cute doll and not his fucking roommate whose pussy he’s playing with.

It makes you whimper, your fingers shaking where they should be holding onto Taehyun’s shoulders. “Ugh, fuck,” you squeak. “Fuck you.”

“Let me do it first. Grind down on me, pretty.”

You comply and gasp a little at the hardness underneath you. “Fuck. You’re so—”

Taehyun hums, his hands moving to your waist, helping you rock harder against him. “Just for you. I’ve been hard all day just thinking about you.”

You make a pathetic sound at the back of your throat and kiss him, your mind suddenly flooded with images of him touching himself right here in his chair, the slick sound of his hand wrapped around his cock, all while he thinks of you. Without warning, he reaches up his free hand and lightly taps at your cheek; you don’t even have to think about it before your mouth falls open and his fingers slide in.

“Perfect,” Taehyun breathes, and your heart skips in your chest. “You’re so good, fuck. Didn’t even have to ask, what a good girl.”

You grind down harder. Taehyun throws his head back and lets out something between a sigh and a groan. “Fuck, princess,” he rasps. “You’re so cute.” He reaches up with his other hand to caress your flushed face. “You feel really—ugh—really fucking good.”

“Oh my god, wait, fuck, wait—” You whimper around his fingers and slow to a stop; your hands clutch at the back of his hoodie. You whine into the cloth, breathing him in, feeling him all over you. His hands move down to your waist, squeezing gently. You can hardly breathe. “I… I was getting close. I don’t wanna come yet.”

Taehyun shifts a little under you; you huff when his hands slide under your ass and he moves to stand up, lifting you with him. “Let’s move to the bed, then,” he grunts, and your legs close around his waist as he carries the both of you to his bed.

He preoccupies himself by kissing you—your lips don’t move away from each other’s as you tumble onto the mattress. Your mind is racing. You’ve imagined kissing Taehyun so many times before, fantasized about how it felt, and these past few days it was all you could think about. His lips are so warm, his hands even warmer where they wander on your skin. You want him close, closer. Inside.

You break the kiss. “Taehyun,” you murmur against his lips. “Taehyun, please.”

Thankfully, Taehyun seems to understand what you’re getting at, and doesn’t make you beg for it—he’s shimmied out of his sweats and hoodie in record time, with only boxers and a wife beater left. He smiles down at you, gentle, loving. “Could you undress for me?”

You don’t need to be asked twice. You pull your dolphin shorts down and kick them off your ankles, trying your best to peel off your shirt as you do so. Taehyun is fully shirtless now, shadows cast across his toned muscles, and his hands probe at his boxers, but his eyes are fixed on you.

You have never felt so exposed wearing your favorite set of lingerie—you fight the urge to cover your stomach with your arms and instead opt to look up at Taehyun from under your lashes and hope he’s as horny as you are right now.

It takes a moment for Taehyun to recollect himself, but when he does, his hands are immediately on you, awed at your softness. “Damn,” he breathes.

“How eloquent of you.”

Taehyun laughs, running his hands down your waist. “No, I—” He breathes out another chuckle, his eyes trailing down to your belly. “No, you’re just perfect.”

Your cheeks heat and you feel yourself throb a little at his praise. “Says you. Know how many guys would kill to have your body?”

“Know how many guys would kill to have such a beautiful, sexy, smart girl like you?”

You press your lips together. You can’t help but think about how nice he looks, seated between your legs. “A lot of guys would be after you, it seems.”

“Can’t blame them. Fuck, your thighs,” Taehyun groans, moving his hands over them. Your breath catches in your throat. His hands look—are—huge. “Oh my fucking god. Promise me you’ll let me eat you out.”

You blink. “Of course,” you say. “Could you get to fucking me already?”

Taehyun laughs. “Right, sorry. Let me take my boxers off first.”

“Do you have a condom?”

“Yeah, it should be in the hoodie pocket.”

You retrieve the hoodie from the other side of the bed and feel around in its pocket before your fingers graze the plastic; you immediately pick it up and throw the hoodie on the floor. Meanwhile, Taehyun is finally fully naked and stroking himself; you turn even redder. Fuck, you want him so bad.

You tell him so. “Hurry, hurry, please,” you gasp, tossing the unopened condom packet to Taehyun, who chuckles.

“On your hands and knees, angel.”

You obey and whimper impatiently as Taehyun opens the condom and puts it on.

“Jesus, baby, you’re such a mess already and I haven’t even put it in,” Taehyun mumbles. You feel the bed dip where he climbs onto it again, and moans when he gives your ass a smack. “Needy. That’s what you are. Needy and impatient.”

You whimper. “Please, pleasepleaseplease, just put it in, put it in—” Taehyun pushes the small of your back so you drop face-first onto the mattress, cheek squished against the blankets. It smells like him. Everything smells like him. For once you fall silent when he announces he’s sliding in and you feels it poking at your entrance. Your eyes squeeze shut.

He slides in the first inch and you can’t help but whine. “Pleeeease, Taehyun,” you gasp, your voice high and reedy. He complies without an answer, sliding in more, slowly, until he’s almost halfway. You let out a squeak.

“What’s wrong?” Taehyun coos. “Don’t think you can take it?”

You make a small, pathetic noise at the back of your throat. “Nonono,” you cry. “You’re just… really big. Bigger than that—that dumb f-fucking dildo.”

“Aw, am I r-r-really?” Taehyun grins and eases another inch into you before you get the chance to retort. You suck in a breath instead, bunching the sheets into your hands. In a moment of guilt, he uses his other hand to give your waist a reassuring squeeze, then leans over to push back your hair for you. “Damn, you’re tight. You can take it, though, can’t you?”

You whimper. “Ah, shit, yes.”

“That’s it. There you go. Doing such a good fucking job, taking my cock.”

Taehyun kisses your shoulder as he slides in the rest, a string of pathetic whimpers and cries leaving your mouth as he bottoms out. Once his thighs touch the back of yours, he stays very still, letting you adjust to the size.

To both your surprise, you are the one who breaks the almost-silence with a short huff as you prop yourself on your elbows. “You… you can move now,” you grit out, sounding almost pained.

Taehyun hums. “Tell me first. Which do you like better? The toy or my cock?”

You’re silent, but he can see your knuckles whitening as you grip the bedsheets. Taehyun scoffs and grabs both your arms with his hand, pulling them behind you with a grunt. You yelp as his cock hits a different angle inside of you.

“Tell me. Which one is better? I won’t move until you tell me.”

You whimper for a few moments, but Taehyun doesn’t let up. You take a shaky breath and let your head hang. “Y-you,” you mumble.

“Louder, pretty.”

“I like your cock better—hmf—better than the toy,” you say. Taehyun can hear the tears in your voice and his belly flip-flops. So fucking hot.

He might have said that out loud—you might have heard him—but he doesn’t have time to think about the possibilities, because at once he’s drawing his hips away from yours and slamming back inside again. The reaction is immediate. You keen, chest heaving at the intensity. 

“Fuck,” you croak, clinging onto the bedsheets.

“God,” Taehyun breathes, holding you up to his chest, “I’m obsessed with you.” He mouths at your neck and you whimper.

“Don’t bite too hard,” you plead. Taehyun bites down harder in response.

“I’ll bite as hard as I want,” he says, but there’s no heat in his words, and he presses a kiss to your shoulder right after. His hands snake up your body, from your hips to your waist until they stop comfortably at your tummy. He thrusts in and out of you at a steady pace, kissing mindlessly at any sliver of skin he can get his lips on. “Been dreaming about this for ages, you know. I’ve been wanting to fill you up for the longest time.”

Fire stirs within the pit of your stomach at the thought. “I do, too. Fingered myself thinking it was your cock,” you mumble back, delirious, and you can feel him smile against your shoulderblades. Suddenly, he slides out, flips you over and enters you once more in a single swift movement. His pace picks up and you exhale slowly, melting into the pleasure, your eyes trained on the array of faces he’s making above you.

“You’re perfect, angel.” Taehyun’s voice drops into a murmur, his bangs falling perfectly around his face. “I’ve always wanted to do this with you, baby. Not only because you’re really hot, but”—he lets out a moan here—“also ’cause I really, really like you, and I don’t wanna fuck the shit out of you for no reason, I—I also wanna take you on dates, and—” He pauses and groans when you squeeze down on him, eyes twisting shut. “Ah, shit, and I wanna fuck you not as a one time thing, but—fuck, but as like, a boyfriend thing—mm—you know?”

You let out a moan, your eyes cracking open incredulously. “You’re telling me this now?” you pant.

Taehyun laughs but goes even faster, his hands still tight around the softness of your waist. You cry out and latch onto his strong arms, wondering if this is happening, if this is real, if Taehyun really just confessed to you in the middle of rearranging your guts. You can’t believe this. Your heart flutters. Your pussy throbs. God, what is wrong with him?

Taehyun’s hand moves up to your jaw. He tilts your chin up and presses your lips together in a slow, slow kiss. “Fuck, baby, you’re gorgeous. Shit,” he says, kissing you again and again. He looks almost desperate, moving inside you, his entire face flushed red. “I love kissing you. Such a pretty girl, my baby, aren’t you? I—oh, fuck, you feel so good, I like you so much.”

“Shit,” you mewl, reaching up to cup his face. He kisses the corner of your mouth, moving almost desperately now, moaning loudly against your skin. “Fuck, Taehyun, you’re crazy—fuck—”

“Tell me how beautiful you are,” Taehyun rasps, not sounding like himself at all, but he moves his hips impossibly faster, and his hand trails down to your neck. “Tell me how pretty you look while your pussy chokes this dick, fuck.”

You wail, your hands flying up to grasp at his wrists. “I’m—’m a puh-pretty girl, fuck, ’m so pretty—”

“That’s right, princess. Are you close? You wanna come?” he rasps, reaching down now to rub your clit. “Go ahead, baby, come on my cock, please, fuck, come on—”

“Taehyun,” you gasp, your breath hitching, as you feel the waves of your oncoming orgasm. 

“—cream on it, sweet girl, make me proud, wanna feel you coming for me, ’cause of me—”

You cry out from underneath him and you jolt so suddenly it startles him; your back arches off the bed and your thighs clamp around him and you go very, very still. You come for a long time, breathing and whining throughout it; Taehyun keeps moving, easing you out of it, his hands rubbing and squeezing your waist until finally your muscles relax and you go slack, melting back into the mattress.

“That’s it, pretty, good job,” he murmurs, running feather-light touches up and down your torso. “Good job, princess, what a sweet girl.”

He slides out of you after a minute, and you make a noise; you crane your neck to watch as he peels off the condom. “Did you come?” you ask, your voice awfully quiet. He looks up at you and smiles.

“It’s fine, baby.”

You move to sit up. “No, no—”

“Angel, I’m good.”

“You’re still—”

“Shush.” Taehyun scoots closer to you, settling on his elbows between your legs. “I still want to taste you.”

An hour later, you find yourselves lying in bed together. After making you come another time on his tongue and finally coming after the world’s best handjob, Taehyun had scooped you up and seated you in the bathtub, where you took turns washing each other’s hair and giggling deliriously about what had just happened. You smell overwhelmingly like his shitty male body wash, but you find it hard to care that much when he’s buried his face in the crook of your neck.

Seeing that your friendship was effectively ruined in the best way possible, you find it hard not to giggle a little, wrapped in his arms. Taehyun’s hands, sliding smooth and gentle across your torso, stop abruptly.

“What are you laughing at?” he asks, sounding affronted.

“You. You’re ridiculous.”

“What? I wasn’t even doing anything.”

“Wouldn’t it have been easier to just ask me out on a date? As opposed to offering to fuck me. You came off a little strong with that, you know,” you mumble. “Now that I think about it, it was kind of a dick move.”

“Sorry,” Taehyun grumbles. “I’ve asked you out to dinner multiple times but you kept calling them friend dates so I gave up on that.”

“You were trying to flirt with me? I had no idea.”

“Clearly. That’s why I had to stop trying to make romantic advancements and just settled on asking to fuck you instead. The dildo was the perfect incentive.” His fingers move up to tangle in your hair. “I had—I have, like, the biggest, stupidest crush on you. It’s embarrassing.”

You smile. “Lucky you. I like you, too.”

He breathes out, presses his forehead to your shoulder. “Thank god. I was waiting for you to say it,” he says quietly. “We don’t have to talk about it now, though. Let’s talk about it in the morning.”

“Fine with me. Why were you even looking at my Amazon wishlist, anyway?”

“Well.” Taehyun stills his hands and clears his throat. “I was trying… to pick out… a birthday gift for you.”

“A birthday gift?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god.”

“Don’t laugh.”

You start to laugh. “Oh my god,” you say again, in between giggles. “My birthday isn’t for another two months, dumbass.”

“I wanted to be prepared!” Taehyun protests, pinching lightly at your waist. “I told you, I have the biggest fucking crush on you. I was gonna give you a bunch of little gifts. And actually, I was planning to ask you to be my girlfriend. I was so excited, too. Asked the guys for help and everything. Soobin was going to hold up the sign. And Beomgyu was in charge of finding a nice place.”

You snort, twisting around to kiss him. “Sorry for laughing. You’re just an idiot sometimes,” you mumble, and kiss him again. “If it makes you feel better, I would have said yes. And anyway… I kinda knew you liked me. The walls are very thin, you know.”

Taehyun tenses up behind you. “What?” he asks after a beat of silence.

“I hear you jacking off all the time. I’m sorry to break it to you. At least you sound pretty.”

Taehyun groans and presses his nose between your shoulderblades. “Fuck you,” he says, muffled.

You hum. “We’re even.”

tyun: pussy so good i professed my undying love for her

[the-gimmick-archive]

Pinned post. (Will update.)

This is a shared blog made to archive important things that happen in the gimmickverse.

The current mods are: @justazebra (admin), @i-dont-know-how-to-name-this.

If we make a mistake, please tell us.

Please @ us if you see an important event happen, especially wars.

Send us an ask if you want to know about a certain event, we’ll do our best to find it.

If you have the link to something important that we didn't archive yet (especially if it happened before this blog started existing), please send it to us.

Shadowban Survival Guide

(scroll down on the guide)

List of arcs and events:

The color war:

Earliest point in the arc we could find. The purple revolution begins. Green joins the revolution.

That time when figuratively everyone got possessed:

Earliest point in the arc we could find.

The UwU revolution:

Earliest point in the arc we could find.

Sealand dying and being revived:

Death. Revival. Death again, but this time they become death's assistant.

IKEA-Party City War:

Earliest point in the arc.

Goose god vs. Waste management war:

Earliest point. Waste management also declaring war. Goose god and waste management making an alliance to stop @/france-unofficial from attacking bean and making Bean sad.

New Zealand vs. Australia war:

Earliest point. New Zealand changing targets to England instead.

Bean getting kidnapped:

Earliest point.

Bean getting kidnapped again (by gimmick nose thief this time.):

Earliest point. Waste management selling their soul so they can see bean again. Molossia scratching and paralyzing Sealand. Sealand getting their souls stolen by gimmick nose thief.

List of gimmick blogs (copied from @/gimmick-simp, @/antarcitica-official, and @/celestial-same-picverse, and then added some missing ones):

@totally-official-gmail @totally-amazon @pizza-hut-official @spotify-official @truly-jcjenson

@bigbasket-notreally @discorddotcum-official @homedepot @im-pandora-i-promise @femboy-totally-bing

@kahoot-official @100percent-shell-oil @assistant-to-the-shell @truly-bath-and-body-works @definitely-tiktok-trust

@unofficially-joann-fabric @its-sanrio-official @the-real-gmail @apple-unofficial @jack-in-the-box-official

@official-arbys @officialtinder @realgoogleslides @reallytimhortons @officially-ikea

@claires-unofficial @barnes-and-noble-official @realgoogleclassroom @real-sephora @pizza-hut-unofficial

@google-news-official @totally-official-gmail @bingle-official @basically-bumble @def-bjs-guys

@official-opera-gx @official-firefox-nightly @the-mcdonalds @realgoogledocs @mcdonalds-official

@totally-bing @operagxreal @official-fedex @firehouse-subs-fr @k-f-c-official

@the-real-google @totally-ikea @taco-bell-unofficial @spotify-kids-real @the-real-victorias-secret

@subway-official @big-mayo-official @/realsafari @incognito-mode-official @burgerking-official

@definitely-wikipedia @the-one-and-only-pornhub @the-one-and-only-duckduckgo @its-target-official @yes-im-youtube-kids

@walmart-the-official @duothelingo @firefox-official @femboy-hooters-real @fedex-official

@yamaha-official @youtubefr @actually-x @reality-official

@femboy-google-news-official @50percent-shell-oil @yahooo-official @totally-airbus @the-official-spirit-airlines

@100percent-chipotle @unofficialvine

@totally-brazil @totally-italy @very-real-australia @the-province-of-nova-scotia-real @official-new-zealand

@russia-totallyofficial @quebec-official @india-official @india-reblogs @telangana-official

@denmark-official @pakistan-official @definitely-brasil @non-tyrannical-usa @antarcitica-official

@spain-unofficial @definitely-canada @france-unofficial @the-state-of-georgia-official @official-denmark

@denmark-forreal @official-ireland @texas-real @massachusetts-official @new-york-for-real

@definitelytherepublicofireland @true-blue-straya @totally-germany @official-the-united-states @totally-france

@forever-scotland @germany-official @sovereign-state-of-alaska @guatemala-official @republic-of-molossia

@actually-alberta @the-principality-of-sealand @totally-oregon @yugoslavia-official

@the-chill-planet-uranus @the-serene-moon-luna @earth-fan @deimos-moon-of-terror @officially-capricorn

@the-radiant-sun @the-ringed-planet-saturn @the-red-planet-mars @the-real-uranus @celestial-same-picverse

@officially-taurus @the-lovely-planet-earth @posts-with-10000-notes-in-spirit @/i-hesitantly-say-ok

@i-say-not-ok @i-say-ok @the-us-navy-offical

@woo-in-different-lengths @official-garlic-bread @shakespeare-official-reblogs @gimmick-thief @hold-my-dr-pepper

@oscar-wilde-official-account @the-real-illinois @i-say-grape @the-kingdom-of-norway @denmarklandia-official

@i-say-bean @sweden-official @antarcitica-official @gimmick-nose-thief @gimmick-thief-thief

@tamil-nadu-official @tamilnadu-official @anti-totally-bing @antiquitian-empire @rocks-anon

@tagswoman @actual-aspec-military @pansexual-spaceforce @the-aplatonic-cavalry @the-pointing-anon

@bi-poly-space-station @bisexual-airforce @aro-sp-ace-force @nonbinary-coastguard @demi-demolitions

@queer-military-authorities @queer-military-treasury @the-missiles-guy @the-official-goose-god @the-official-gemini

@actual-transgender-navy @genderfluid-marine-corp @real-australian-army @real-hottopic

@same-pic-of-venus-everyday @same-pic-of-the-earth-everyday @same-pic-of-the-moon-everyday @same-pic-of-mars-everyday @same-pic-of-jupiter-everyday

@same-pic-of-saturn-everyday @the-real-uranus @same-pic-of-neptune-everyday @steve-not-anon @metal-frisbee

@earth-fan @not-10-salmon-in-a-png @same-pic-of-halleys-comet @same-pic-of-callisto-everyday @same-pic-of-eris-everyday @same-pic-of-kepler-186f-everyday

@same-pic-of-haumea-everyday @same-image-of-7-iris @book-nonsie-not-anon @celestial-same-picverse @same-pic-of-pluto-everyday

@same-pic-of-juno-everyday @same-pic-of-polaris-everyday @tomblrmartian @same-pic-of-a-blackhole-everyday @same-pic-of-the-stars-everyday

@alpha-centauri-everyday @same-cosmic-cliffs-pic-every-day @rose-nebula-always @same-pic-of-makemake-everyday @same-picture-of-europa

@same-pic-of-the-lagoon-nebula @star-that-eats-the-sun @jupiter-fan

@same-pic-of-triton-everyday @pq-anon @same-pic-of-ceres-everyday @same-pic-of-wolftopia-everyday

@same-pic-of-mars-everyday @same-pic-of-tres2b-everyday @samepicofthewowsignaleveryday @same-pic-of-the-blue-moon @same-image-of-hr8799e-every-day

@samepictureofsednadaily @moon-of-fear-phobos @totally-neptune-official @corvus-the-constellation @official-nissan

@hollowknight-reference @microsoft-edge-official @arethosewordsinthebible @the-gimmick-doctor @i-say-doot-doot

@i-say-ok @discord-marriage-bot-real @literally-leo @literally-luxembourg

@/same-pic-of-a-dictionary-daily @/same-pic-of-mercury-everyday @/hateful-daystar @//court-artist-under-the-stars @/samepicofproximacentaurieveryday @/same-pic-of-the-sun-everyday @/same-pic-of-the-blood-moon @/same-pic-of-uranus-everyday @/same-pic-of-venus-every-day @/same-pic-of-trans-jupiter @/ton-618-real @/same-pic-of-alpha-centaur-24-7 @/same-pic-of-andromeda-everyday @/same-pic-of-a-bagel-everyday @/same-pic-of-titan-every-day

@putting-iris-in-places @communist-usa-real

(Sorry if you didn't want to get tagged.)

[tainbocuailnge]

i know it's recent history that we were all here for at type moon blog tainbocuailnge dot tumblr dot cum i just genuinely cannot get over the absolute insanity that was mahoyosweep. aniplex of america so blatantly wanted this game dead in the water. they didn't say a peep. they did not translate trailers. they did not so much as tweet about it let alone put any work into actual promotion. they didn't say a word about where you would be able to buy it until mere weeks before the release date when the word of mouth hype campaign was already in full swing. and then for some reason the amazon listings for the game went up a day before they were supposed to and within the few hours until they fixed that mistake it had already sold more copies than they expected to sell at all and aniplex of america had to make a public apology that basically came down to "sorry we didn't think you guys would actually buy the game"

[cupcakelvr]

I LOVEE THE WAY YOU WRITE could you write some hcs of vi and cait in a modern au pleaseee

OFC AAA.

𝑴𝒐𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒏 𝑨𝑼 𝑽𝒊 𝒙 𝑪𝒂𝒊𝒕 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

Just normal stuff.

The first thing vi does when coming home from work - hug Caitlyn. After a hard day of working she just wants to hug her partner.

༞

In the early mornings Caitlyn is the one making breakfast before work and will have Vi eat it before work so her stomach is full.

༞

When going shopping, Caitlyn is the one trying one thousands of clothing items while Vi is somewhere in the accessory aisle trying on silly little headbands and laughing about them.

༞

Vi has Caitlyn saved as "Cupcake🧁❤️" while Caitlyn has Vi saved as "Viole(n)t❤️"

༞

Vi is definitely the one that would come home one day and be like "Cupcake! I found a kitten at work!" I’m fully convinced.

༞

Caitlyn’s phone falls onto her face at least five hundred times when she’s watching something at night.

༞

When Caitlyn’s doing some work on the laptop or Pc, she will go like "What’s that in your search history?" And watch Vi freak out even though it’s probably something like "how to make toast without toast"

༞

When groceries shopping, Vi will always get lost in the store and look for Cait while panicking, WHERE IS HER CUPCAKE😰.

༞

Caitlyn definitely has like a bunch of different skincare products and a huge routine and will definitely force Vi to have one too.

༞

Vi loves malls, will drag Caitlyn to every store she sees and likes her favorites are those store that sell silly stuff like dick pins.

༞

Caitlyn is a god in arcades and even though Vi tries her best to keep up with Caitlyn, she doesn’t really have any success.

༞

While Caitlyn has like fancy skirts, blouses and jewelry on her Amazon wishlist. Vi has things like pillows you can print pictures on (she will use the worst picture of Cait) and silly glasses for some reason.

HOPE YOU LIKED IT LMK IF I MADE MISTAKES.

[sirfrogsworth]

So, the new lens is great. It takes beautiful pictures. And I am still brought to tears when I think about what an amazing gift this is. From a complete stranger, no less.

But there was some unexpected lens drama that kind of tarnished the excitement of this wonderful gift.

When I opened the lens initially, I noticed it was not in a retail box. It was still wrapped in plastic and that made it seem like it was new, but then I noticed there was no warranty card. Two red flags. Things that would be easily missed by a lot of people.

I was worried it was "gray market" which is a lens meant for another country. These can be imported cheaper but they will not have any warranty and if you try to get them repaired outside the intended country, manufacturers will often refuse to work on them.

I hooked up the lens to my computer so I could update the firmware. I also copied the serial number and sent it to Sigma to see if they had any info about the lens and if it was under warranty.

It was not gray market... but it was used.

Sigma's records show it being sold in 2018. Used lenses are fine. And they can be repaired in-country. But my gift giver did not pay for a used lens. Also, I wanted to get the lens focus calibrated. Sigma will calibrate the lens to my camera for free under warranty. Out of warranty, it would cost $100.

Maybe it was a mistake. They sent a used lens by accident perhaps. But then I found this review of the seller.

A pattern of behavior.

So this 3rd party Amazon seller basically committed fraud.

And this really upset me.

Amazon wouldn't let me message them directly due to it being a gift order. So I spent days talking to Amazon customer service and trying to figure out what to do. They asked if I wanted to file a complaint, but I told them no. I wanted to keep that option as leverage.

After some google-fu, I found the store's customer service email and wrote them a sternly worded message. I told them I wanted them to exchange the used lens for a new copy. I wanted them to promise never to sell anything used as new again. And if they did not comply, I would file a complaint and leave a 1 star review warning people not to do business with them.

That finally got their attention and I was emailed back promptly. They asked for pictures proving my claims. I sent them photos of the generic packaging and also this screen capture of my email from Sigma.

The good news... they agreed to exchange the lens.

But they did not acknowledge any wrongdoing and did not say they would no longer sell used lenses as new.

In any case, the matter should be resolved as long as they keep their word. But this all really bummed me out. I just wanted this one bit of joy to tide me over until I started feeling better. And I will have that joy soon. But all of the effort required to reclaim that joy is frustrating.

[ihopesocomic]

Part of the problem with AI generated content and casual viewership/readership is that casual folks might not see what people more "trained" to read/see art content see. A lot of the content is surface level good, and many don't look beyond that surface.

Heck, I've ran into visual pieces that first fooled me and I really had to look to realize what's going on, and I don't like that. I hate that I have to be suspicious of everything.

I just hate this generated AI content fad, I hate how people who are so excited about it are so hateful towards the people whose content is being stolen.

Yeah, I actually made the mistake of buying some prints that were AI generated off Amazon one time. They looked perfectly fine in the previews and there was no warning. Once you got them, it was pretty obvious they were AI trash. Obviously, I returned them.

But that's the thing that doesn't get me, people swear by AI and say how great it is but they also feel they don't have to warn potential customers what they're actually buying. Almost like there is indeed some ethical issue when it comes to deceiving people who want some nice artwork by actual people up on their walls or w/e.

Honestly, the only way I've found to get around it is to either go with famous artwork you know is made by an actual person (Van Gogh prints, just Van Gogh prints everywhere) or reverse searched photography that existed before AI generators were a thing. But it's still an awful situation for small time artists who are trying to make a living by selling original work and are under constant scrutiny. - RJ

[gold-rhine]

So many good points in that recent post about HSR but the thing that has me salty is Aventurine. So MUCH screentime and for what? To not tie in any meaningful way into the themes of penacony. That screentime should have been given to Robin who is supposed to be Sunday's thematic parallel and the first to realize something is wrong in Penacony. And she gets so little screentime or agency. Or it should have been given to show working with NPCs of penacony. And I also can't help but compare Sunday's "play" to Furina's play. Why is it so convoluted? 💀💀💀

see, i cannot agree with you here. like i don't think robin needed more screentime. mormon popstar missionary going to poor planets to "inspire" them??? no thank you. robin and the whole caged bird bullshit should be rewritten from the ground up

second, out of all characters i think aventurine is actually the one who has clear thematic ties to penacony. like raiden is just there for hi3 fanservice, black swan and boothill are here to sell banners. firefly... is a character. that exists.

but aventurine actually makes a lot of sense. he's from a poor planet that was so desperate for survival, it accepted amazon's help and was destroyed as result. his family died and he became a corporation's property. and now he's doing the same thing that was done to him, that destroyed his people, to penacony. he is now an agent of the same corporation trying to get control of another struggling planet in a moment of despair, and its a planet that once WAS the property of this corporation and got out. thats JUICY conflict. how does he feel about it? how does he justify this to himself? make him see his younger self in one of the penacony's poor children. make him confront that. is he also living in delusion, thinking he can change amazon from the inside, and so it justifies suffering of millions of other people he exploits? does he not care, bc no one cared about him? there is a lot to explore, potential for very complex character work, and they just didn't do shit with it. it just neverwent anywhere. like make no mistake, even tho i'd edit his 4 meandering hours, i wouldn't cut them completely. aventurine has very good setup, the problem is that it was all wasted.

[breelandwalker]

23. and a little bit of 22 since I feel they often go hand in hand. Me and my Friend both come from religious practices we've inherited from our family (Drabapen and Santería) and there's often a weird feeling of animosity or almost cringe we feel when people (White Americans) incorporate aspects of our cultures and sell what feels like a very sanitized version of something that we associate with a more private traditional practice for monetary gain. I often feel conflicted as someone who wants to be more open or progressive than previous generations by this syncretism of cultures and this well, wider commercialization. What are your thoughts? Sorry for the ramble

22) Do you believe in closed practices?

Yes, I believe that closed practices are a thing. There are plenty of practices, faiths, spiritual traditions, etc. that require some kind of initiation or preliminary course of study in order to join the group. Sacred or ritual practices particular to these traditions are not open for use by the general community, although there may be similar items or practices that ARE open for common use.

For example, rosaries are specifically part of Catholicism and linked to a particular prayer ritual unique to that faith. However, prayer beads as a devotional item or meditation aid appear in many traditions in multiple cultures, so they are open for everyone to use. So there really is no such thing as a "pagan rosary." But there are plenty of pagan prayer beads out there.

And to directly answer your question, yes it IS cringe-inducing to see people cherrypick or surface-skim elements from closed practices in order to make their practice seem special or ancient or mysterious, especially when the use is purely aesthetic and the person in question is clearly doing it for social media clout without any deeper understanding of what they're putting their mitts on. it's something we've been trying to address as a community for a while now and progress is slow, but it's happening. There's syncretism (the natural blending of co-existing cultures over time) and there's ganking somebody's symbols for your tiktok. These are not the same and you're fully justified to be annoyed about it.

23) Do you believe in cultural appropriation?

Cultural appropriation is definitely something that occurs and has been occurring for a long time. It is a product of entitled thinking and a general colonizer mindset that exoticizes foreign or marginalized cultures. It's been happening for centuries but one place that we really see it in blatant, disgusting detail is during the Victorian era, when literal human remains from Egypt were displayed in wealthy homes as "curiosities." It was also fashionable in some circles to attend mummy parties, where corpses were unwrapped during an evening soiree, often while dinner was served, and mumia or pulverized mummy powder was offered to guests as an exotic cure-all, as one might offer snuff or cocaine. And that's far from the only example.

So yeah. I definitely believe in cultural appropriation and also that we as a community should be taking more responsibility for decolonizing our mindsets whenever possible. Because it's our responsibility to be good ancestors and set a better example for those that come after us, rather than just mindlessly repeating the mistakes of the past.

(And for those about to ask the obvious question - Appreciation is fine. Appreciate things all you want. If you're going to make a purchase of artwork or jewelry or what have you, get it from the people whose culture it comes from, not from an Amazon warehouse.)

witchcraft ask game

[lollytea]

I think book publishing and the promotion of books depends on one key question. Is the book out of passion, for the benefits, or for fame and glory

Don't quote me on this cuz I don't feel like going looking for sources. So I could be wrong about a few things. But based on what I've learned over the years, getting a book deal is heavily reliant on certain factors. Firstly, it's strongly recommended that you have an agent. Publishing houses are unlikely to even LOOK at a submitted manuscript unless there's an agent involved.

Secondly, a lot of the responsibility of marketing the book falls on the author themself. As a result, publishers are not likely to take a chance on just anybody. In our current social climate, the safest authors to sign are the ones who already have a strong social media presence, guaranteeing that they'll have an audience to advertise the book to. The annoying stuff on booktok where authors use snappy ao3 tropes to summarise their books is kinda their only option in a lot of cases. Its a strong effective means of advertising. It guarantees clicks, engagement, enthusiasm etc.

Thirdly, once you sign a deal, the book kinda stops belonging entirely to you. This isn't entirely a bad thing. Editors catch mistakes, flaws in the story and they can even give advice that will significantly improve the final draft. But you lose a lot of the freedom to write whatever the fuck you want and now have to abide by the restrictions put on you. Because now your work is their product so they have to make sure its up to scratch.

Its fun to think that if your manuscript is just amazing enough, you'll manage to blow the minds of some random publishing house and they'll do all the work, desperate just to get your genius story out into the world and they'll let you write whatever you want forever. But it's a lot more complicated than that.

There's a feature on amazon that will let you turn your manuscript into a physical book and then sell it on the site, making it super easy for anybody to become a self published author. I figure that if I ever do write anything, I'll probably just do that. I'll never have anything I write on bookshop shelves but oh well. A book is a book :D

[mostlysignssomeportents]

This day in history

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me TONIGHT (Mar 22) in TORONTO, then SUNDAY (Mar 24) with LAURA POITRAS in NYC, then Anaheim, and beyond!

#15yrsago Argentine philosophy prof faces prison time for posting unofficial translations of out of print Derrida texts https://web.archive.org/web/20120121084605/http://www.karisma.org.co/carobotero/index.php/2009/03/13/el-turno-de-los-profesores-prision-por-subir-obras-protegidas-a-internet/

#15yrsago US Attorney mistakes 419 letter for a submission from a Madoff victim https://www.businessinsider.com/congo-email-scammers-support-harsh-sentence-for-madoff-2009-3

#15yrsago One quarter of all British govt databases are illegalhttps://web.archive.org/web/20101016205748/http://dooooooom.blogspot.com/2009/03/database-state.html https://web.archive.org/web/20101016205748/http://dooooooom.blogspot.com/2009/03/database-state.html

#5yrsago Unnamed stalkerware company has left gigabytes of sensitive personal info unprotected on the web and can’t be reached to fix it https://www.vice.com/en/article/j573k3/spyware-data-leak-pictures-audio-recordings

#5yrsago Philadelphia city council candidate says his secret AI has discovered disqualifying fraud in the nominations of 30 out of 33 candidates https://www.inquirer.com/politics/clout/council-at-large-petition-challenges-devon-cade-allan-domb-nick-miccarelli-20190322.html

#5yrsago After fatal crash, Boeing reverses sales policy that locked out some safety features unless airlines paid for an upgrade https://apnews.com/article/140576a8e9d4449eae646c8c479fdc3a

#5yrsago Wireless vulns in Medtronic’s implanted defibrillators allow remote shocks, shutdown, denial-of-service battery attacks and data theft https://www.startribune.com/750-000-medtronic-defibrillators-vulnerable-to-hacking/507470932/

#5yrsago Grandson of legendary John Deere engineer defends right-to-repair and condemns Big Ag for “taxing customers” https://securityledger.com/2019/03/opinion-my-grandfathers-john-deere-would-support-our-right-to-repair/

#1yrago Kickstarting the Red Team Blues audiobook, which Amazon won't sell https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/22/anti-finance-finance-thriller/#marty-hench

Name your price for 18 of my DRM-free ebooks and support the Electronic Frontier Foundation with the Humble Cory Doctorow Bundle.

[fireartandstylezine]

What Happened to #Nanowrimo

A Micro Essay

By Mutiny Crinshaw, co-editor, Grinning Kitten Press

It often appears to me that people in the press & in society at large think of National Novel Writing Month, or Nanowrimo, as some cute little holiday-style project, if not on the level of Mother's Day, than at least Secretary's Day or National Donut Day. Fun, innocuous, something your quirky writer friend does.

That's a misperception. & the scandal which took down the forums & has Nanowrimo's Board of Directors scrambling proves that this perception is in error.

The rumors I have seen in Reddit & elsewhere in the Nano community indicate an abuse scandal. I will not dive into it; I am sure others can inform you much better than I can, & I am not privy to the most important details.

What I want to point out is that Nano isn't just some happy-fun project for your writer friends, although many of your writer friends also think that it is & can be forgiven for wanting to hang out with their other writer friends for this one month just to write.

I want to put Nanowrimo in its larger context.

What began as friends around a table wanting to Chase Those Words & Write a Novel was something anyone could have organized. You, me, your own friends. We organize little events like that all the time.

Nano simply had a certain social capital & gained a certain momentum.

The question of what creative types do with such momentum tells us a lot. It tells us a lot in the context of AI, the Arts, & late capitalism.

The choice of folks behind Nanowrimo was to take that momentum & create a 501(c)3, which is a nonprofit entity under US law.

The ease & lack of controversy around that choice exists in a continuum that constitutes all the rest, shaping the kinds and forms of abuse beyond the most illegal and egregious. It gives legal cover to the broader social harms.

Certainly choosing a nonprofit form is not a mistake on the level of "mistakes" that led to the kind of abuse rumored to be going on around Nano HQ, but it is not an unrelated mistake.

Because it is a mistake about power.

About control.

About bending people to your will.

Most of Nano runs off volunteer labor. Interns, unpaid regional coordinators, & the like.

It is a lot of work they do, year-round. Moderating. Writing grants. Chasing donors.

Meanwhile, HQ has worked with fundraising, PR, branding, & most of all selling memorabilia . . . & the best part of that is, you do not need to "win Nano" to participate in the shopping. Or the donations.

Another problem with a collective enterprise like Nano in our stage of late capitalism is that it encourages writers to hustle. (A phenomenon related to Large Language Models/ChatGPT/AI, but I will not be diving into that too much here.)

Successful hustlers - the REALLY successful ones - have social capital to burn, have wealthy loved ones & donor networks & credit (literal economic credit as well as social credit) that boosts their projects.

So while thousands of writers hunker down for the month of November to hustle their novel into being, the real hustlers at the top can hustle & make money in the name of The Arts.

The average Nano author will not get rich. Will not public unless it is through Amazon. Will work very hard for no money.

But who will make money off Nanowrimo?

Admin.

Thus, it should come as no surprise, if & when Nano HQ's abuse scandal(s) come more to light, that people have been harmed & abused.

The egregious harms lay atop a pervasive culture of exploitation which permeate nonprofits & shape our entire industry of cultural production.

Harm & abuse go hand-in-hand where charity work & volunteer labor are exploited.

The nonprofit-industrial complex provides legally-recognized covers for the harnessing of collective, creative spirit. It drives profits, offsets costs, & masks marketing & PR under a humanitarian guise. In the case of Nanowrimo, it yokes literacy & creativity for the profit of the few admins at the top.

This is "The Arts" in the US. Grifters preying on idealists. Incorporating. & if you are outside the US, you will not go untouched, for our nonprofits come for you & your culture as much as our for-profits do.

In conclusion, we ought to become & remain skeptical of any artistic endeavor that gains prominence under capitalism.

Whether that artistic endeavor promises a hip new movie studio, an artsy social media platform, a rising music label . . . or even a publishing press.

If the Art World & the mainstream media celebrate it, then you know it hates artists. It abuses writers. It milks us for profit.

The best way ahead for Nanowrimo will be for the unpaid regional leads to de-federate from HQ & create new, anti-capitalist enterprises. Artists and writers, we need to form collectives that will meet nonprofits & corporation in cultural combat. No words but class war <3

A rougher draft of this micro-essay was posted earlier on our Mastodon account. It has been edited for stylistic improvements and linguistic and intellectual clarity.

[hockeygossipdaily]

I just feel like those who are offended should be more angry with Amazon than anyone else. They are the ones who are selling a “hippie” costume when it isn’t. I didn’t know what a Dashikis is or what it represents until yesterday. And honestly if I was looking for a hippie costume to wear on Halloween and clicked on that one, I would have probably bought it without a second thought since it was labeled “hippie costume.” Could Nico be more educated in other cultures? Of course, we all could be. But I don’t think it’s fair to blame him when it wasn’t intentional and clearly sold labeled something else.

Thank you! I keep saying blame Amazon because that is not a hippie shirt and if he didn’t know and just picked one over the tye dyed shirts it’s possible for this mistake to happen.

Education is in order but he is not a racist

[topazadine]

Mistakes I Made When Self-Pubbing My First Book (Part 2: Presentation Edition)

"Don't judge a book by its cover" is utter bullshit because that is the #1 thing people do when purchasing a book.

This is the typical process someone will take when clicking on a book listing (though not everyone will do it in this order):

Look at the cover

Read the blurb

Check the reviews

Read a sample

Decide to download

Personally, I check the reviews before I look at the blurb if the cover has caught my attention, but I know many other people read the blurb first.

So you need to have these things locked down. I, being an idiot, did not have these things locked down before I decided to publish 9 Years Yearning. Let us examine my failures.

Making my own shitty cover instead of paying an artist

Now, a caveat.

A lot of self-pubbed writers are excellent graphic designers and really take the time to make a beautiful cover before they publish.

I'm not talking about these supernaturally blessed individuals who can do both. They have my utmost respect.

I'm talking about me, a person who has no design skills and can't draw for shit.

Here is the progression of my book cover.

The first one was made by me using an Unsplash stock photo on Canva. It's boring.

We can tell it's taking place in some rural area (Mongolia-ish, given that this is a photo of Mongolia), but what the hell else do we know about it? We don't see the characters or anything. It very much looks like your typical self-pub cover that the writer spent five minutes on. Shoddy and unprofessional.

The second one was purchased on Fiverr for like $50. It's cute, to be sure, and I'm not knocking the artist because they did exactly what they promised they would do. But it still doesn't tell us much about the story itself. Would do better for like a worldbuilding grimoire or something because it doesn't give us many details.

And now the third one is, in my opinion, absolutely gorgeous, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. It captures the mood of the setting, shows the characters, and demonstrates that this is a fantasy novel through the fonts and character design.

The artist is Katarina on Fiverr, who will be doing the rest of my series as well. She truly understood the assignment and I am incredibly grateful to her. Katarina is also LOVELY to work with, so if you have a fantasy novel in the pipeline, you should really consider working with her.

My book sales took off significantly after I introduced the third cover. Not phenomenal, of course (why is not Katarina's fault), but definitely way better than before.

I could have gotten more sales if I had presented a good cover during the first 30 days of publishing, when Amazon gives new releases a little boost to help them along. Because I designed a shitty cover, I lost all of that extra marketing power. People were seeing my book, but they weren't clicking because they assumed self-pub = terrible. (Rightly so. A lot of self-pubbed books are terrible.)

But really, I was just a cheapskate. I figured I could just make my own cover and people would magically be attracted to it somehow, which was dumb of me. So I wasted a lot of time when I could have been making sales. I wasn't taking marketing seriously.

So, my tips to other self-pub writers:

If you're not capable of designing your own great cover, then work with an artist. Make sure the artist works in your specific genre, because there are different rules for each genre. Get comp images of other book covers you like to show the artist, or make a mockup (I'll show you one in a second). Very dark covers don't tend to sell well, especially ones in blues and greens. Even if you have a dark romance, try to lighten it up a bit. Fonts are incredibly important because they "prime" the reader to guess what kind of mood the story has. Don't clutter up the cover. Have two focus points, the most important text, and that's it.

For my second book, Pride Before a Fall, I provided Katarina with an incredibly shitty mockup of what I wanted (again, I am not an artist), as well as a ZIP file of the character, their clothing, the horse colorations, and so on.

This made it go much much faster because we weren't constantly messaging back and forth for edits. I only needed her to tweak two things: the clothes Orrinir was wearing and Erix's coloration (Horse 2 in the mockup).

Katrina put some of her own artistic vision into it, of course, but the spirit of what I was trying to show was absolutely there. I vastly prefer her version.

I'll be doing this with the third book as well, which has a slightly different vibe. I have the image in my head, and I just need to figure out how to put it on the page so she can make it better!

Writing a ~mysterious~ blurb

When I first published 9 Years Yearning, I had the same blurb for it as I have on the splash page for The Eirenic Verses:

Uileac Korviridi, student at the Bremish War Academy, expects to focus on his studies and protect his little sister - not fall in love with Orrinir Relickim, the hotheaded infantryman who can't seem to leave him alone.

Which is fine for a list of all the different books in the ten-part series. It is now included in the series list in the back matter for the second book, too.

But it doesn't really tell readers much about what they can expect from the book except that there's a boy, his little sister, and another guy.

It's too vague, too short, and too confusing. Most people would not click on something like that because they have no clue what to expect.

I also didn't need to include the name of the country; you need to avoid throwing too many fantasy names at readers right away or they start to shut down.

The blurb for 9 Years Yearning went through a lot of changes until its current iteration:

Uileac Korviridi, orphaned at age 11 during a raid on the family farm, cherishes the happy memories of living with his late parents. Fond reminiscences are all he has to comfort him in the stern confines of the War Academy, where young boys are trained to protect their besieged nation from a powerful enemy. Even as he forces enthusiasm for his military studies, he must balance his loyalty to his little sister, Cerie, who is training at the High Poetry Society to become a magical wordsmith. In contrast to Uileac's bucolic past, Orrinir Relickim is a former Future Boy: one given up to the War Academy by neglectful parents before enrolling in training. His life has been typified by invisibility, making him desperate to gain attention from anyone - especially Uileac. The two start as resentful quasi-enemies: Uileac despises Orrinir's success in their studies, while Orrinir resents Uileac's happy childhood and delicate looks. However, as they understand one another better, they cannot resist this pull they don't yet understand. What follows is a tale of teenage longing, with all the awkwardness and miscommunication it entails. Set in a sweeping world with poetry magic, 9 Years Yearning offers a brief glimpse into a beautiful country besieged by its enemies, constricted by a mountain range made with words. With lush descriptions, deep emotion, and lyrical prose, this novella sets the stage for grander conflicts in the 10-part Eirenic Verses series. Dive into a world where poetry makes power, seen through the eyes of two young men preparing for war.

It's probably not perfect, but it does have most of the components of a good blurb:

Quickly explains the main character's backstory, goals, and motivations.

Introduces the love interest and his backstory.

Explains the primary conflict without giving away too much.

Tells us what the vibe of the story is (teenagers growing up and being awkward).

Mentions one of the special things about the setting (High Poetry) but also makes it clear that this is not the primary focus (or it would have been put up front more). Readers can tell that it's going to be a background element that will probably be discussed in further detail later on in the series.

Discusses the themes, settings, and what readers can expect from the prose.

Tells readers that this is the beginning of a series.

Note that I did not include any review quotes. That's kind of controversial, but honestly? I don't pay attention to those when reading a blurb unless I immediately recognize the quoted person's name.

Since I don't have a big name reviewing my novel, I'm not going to include opinions from people no one knows. I also know that people can pay to get those quotes and they're not always genuine; they're cherry-picked.

The blurb is crucial for getting readers who like your cover to spend money on the book. You must show that you're a great writer and provide them details about what they can expect. A highly polished, engaging blurb that is descriptive but not spoilery will intrigue people.

Not making enough graphics and visuals

People like visual advertisements more than they like giant walls of text.

It's why advertisers moved away from things like this ....

To things like this ....

Of course, 1920s magazines were not printed in full color, so they couldn't have the bright vibrant reds of the 2020s ads, but the layout is what is important.

Current advertisements don't have a lot of text because humans are visual creatures. Great book advertisements are the same.

Now, obviously I do not have the budget or star power of these authors and marketing agencies, but that doesn't mean I can't do something what I do have. Which is access to Canva and my book covers.

But I did not do that with my first book. I didn't do any visuals at all. Instead, I just threw the link around everywhere and expected people to click on it. Which is pretty dumb tbh. Of course no one's going to click on a random link that you didn't explain anything about! We've all been Rickrolled at least once!

And then I got no sales and was sad about it and realized I was dumb to do that.

I am fixing that with Pride Before a Fall. I changed all my socials to have a banner for my book, including just a few words.

Excellent, marketing agency quality? No, of course not. But it's something visual anyway. It's clear that I put some thought into it, that I have a professional cover, and I'm pretty clear with what I want you to do: preorder the fucking thing by January 1st.

And again, I'm picking up some preorders already. I expect that as I continue to produce more visuals, I'll get more preorders. And, of course, my upcoming ARC campaign will help too.

I have seen some artists do little videos for their books which look pretty interesting. I will likely do this when I'm a bit further along in the series by working with a visual artist, but I'm not quite there yet. Soon, though.

So that is part two of my series on my failures. Part 3 will go into depth about the importance of reviews and how not to go about getting them.

And if you made it this far, maybe you'll consider buying my book, which is somehow good despite all my failures!

Please do not forget to leave a review! It's essential, as I will explain in Part 3. And I have heard that those who leave reviews for self-pubbed authors are more likely to find a really nice crunchy leaf on their next walk. mmm mcrunnchyy

[emptyanddark]

what's actually wrong with 'AI'

it's become impossible to ignore the discourse around so-called 'AI'. but while the bulk of the discourse is saturated with nonsense such as, i wanted to pool some resources to get a good sense of what this technology actually is, its limitations and its broad consequences. 

what is 'AI'

the best essay to learn about what i mentioned above is On the Dangers of Stochastic Parrots: Can Language Models Be Too Big? this essay cost two of its collaborators to be fired from Google. it frames what large-language models are, what they can and cannot do and the actual risks they entail: not some 'super-intelligence' that we keep hearing about but concrete dangers: from climate, the quality of the training data and biases - both from the training data and from us, the users. 

The problem with artificial intelligence? It’s neither artificial nor intelligent

How the machine ‘thinks’: Understanding opacity in machine learning algorithms

The Values Encoded in Machine Learning Research

Troubling Trends in Machine Learning Scholarship: Some ML papers suffer from flaws that could mislead the public and stymie future research

AI Now Institute 2023 Landscape report (discussions of the power imbalance in Big Tech)

ChatGPT Is a Blurry JPEG of the Web

Can we truly benefit from AI?

Inside the secret list of websites that make AI like ChatGPT sound smart

The Steep Cost of Capture

labor

'AI' champions the facade of non-human involvement. but the truth is that this is a myth that serves employers by underpaying the hidden workers, denying them labor rights and social benefits - as well as hyping-up their product. the effects on workers are not only economic but detrimental to their health - both mental and physical.

OpenAI Used Kenyan Workers on Less Than $2 Per Hour to Make ChatGPT Less Toxic

also from the Times: Inside Facebook's African Sweatshop

The platform as factory: Crowdwork and the hidden labour behind artificial intelligence

The humans behind Mechanical Turk’s artificial intelligence

The rise of 'pseudo-AI': how tech firms quietly use humans to do bots' work

The real aim of big tech's layoffs: bringing workers to heel

The Exploited Labor Behind Artificial Intelligence

workers surveillance

5 ways Amazon monitors its employees, from AI cameras to hiring a spy agency

Computer monitoring software is helping companies spy on their employees to measure their productivity – often without their consent

theft of art and content

Artists say AI image generators are copying their style to make thousands of new images — and it's completely out of their control  (what gives me most hope about regulators dealing with theft is Getty images' lawsuit - unfortunately individuals simply don't have the same power as the corporation)

Copyright won't solve creators' Generative AI problem

The real aim of big tech's layoffs: bringing workers to heel

The Exploited Labor Behind Artificial Intelligence

AI is already taking video game illustrators’ jobs in China

Microsoft lays off team that taught employees how to make AI tools responsibly/As the company accelerates its push into AI products, the ethics and society team is gone

150 African Workers for ChatGPT, TikTok and Facebook Vote to Unionize at Landmark Nairobi Meeting

Inside the AI Factory: the Humans that Make Tech Seem Human

Refugees help power machine learning advances at Microsoft, Facebook, and Amazon

Amazon’s AI Cameras Are Punishing Drivers for Mistakes They Didn’t Make

China’s AI boom depends on an army of exploited student interns

political, social, ethical consequences

Afraid of AI? The startups selling it want you to be

An Indigenous Perspective on Generative AI

“Computers enable fantasies” – On the continued relevance of Weizenbaum’s warnings

‘Utopia for Whom?’: Timnit Gebru on the dangers of Artificial General Intelligence

Machine Bias

HUMAN_FALLBACK

AI Ethics Are in Danger. Funding Independent Research Could Help

AI Is Tearing Wikipedia Apart  

AI machines aren’t ‘hallucinating’. But their makers are

The Great A.I. Hallucination (podcast)

“Sorry in Advance!” Rapid Rush to Deploy Generative A.I. Risks a Wide Array of Automated Harms

The promise and peril of generative AI

ChatGPT Users Report Being Able to See Random People's Chat Histories

Benedetta Brevini on the AI sublime bubble – and how to pop it   

Eating Disorder Helpline Disables Chatbot for 'Harmful' Responses After Firing Human Staff

AI moderation is no match for hate speech in Ethiopian languages

Amazon, Google, Microsoft, and other tech companies are in a 'frenzy' to help ICE build its own data-mining tool for targeting unauthorized workers

Crime Prediction Software Promised to Be Free of Biases. New Data Shows It Perpetuates Them

The EU AI Act is full of Significance for Insurers

Proxy Discrimination in the Age of Artificial Intelligence and Big Data

Welfare surveillance system violates human rights, Dutch court rules

Federal use of A.I. in visa applications could breach human rights, report says

Open (For Business): Big Tech, Concentrated Power, and the Political Economy of Open AI

Generative AI Is Making Companies Even More Thirsty for Your Data

environment

The Generative AI Race Has a Dirty Secret

Black boxes, not green: Mythologizing artificial intelligence and omitting the environment

Energy and Policy Considerations for Deep Learning in NLP

AINOW: Climate Justice & Labor Rights

militarism

The Growing Global Spyware Industry Must Be Reined In

AI: the key battleground for Cold War 2.0?

‘Machines set loose to slaughter’: the dangerous rise of military AI

AI: The New Frontier of the EU's Border Extranalisation Strategy

The A.I. Surveillance Tool DHS Uses to Detect ‘Sentiment and Emotion’

organizations

AI now

DAIR

podcast episodes

Pretty Heady Stuff: Dru Oja Jay & James Steinhoff guide us through the hype & hysteria around AI

Tech Won't Save Us: Why We Must Resist AI w/ Dan McQuillan, Why AI is a Threat to Artists w/ Molly Crabapple, ChatGPT is Not Intelligent w/ Emily M. Bender

SRSLY WRONG: Artificial Intelligence part 1, part 2

The Dig: AI Hype Machine w/ Meredith Whittaker, Ed Ongweso, and Sarah West

This Machine Kills: The Triforce of Corporate Power in AI w/ ft. Sarah Myers West