#am not going to ponder too hard or i'll just hurt myself

[faunabel]

trying to fall back asleep but im suddenly thinking abt how much i rly do relate to flowers in the attic...

slight spoilers sorry im on mobile and cant put a read more thingy

extreme isolation. forced to take care of yourself and others. a mother who bribes you with gifts but never gives you what you actually need. emotional manipulation. abuse if you step out of line. being left to wither. Extreme Isolation. Alone. Never Seeing The Outside World. Neglect.

idk... where i'm going with this. it took me a couple days to process how much it actually hits home. hm.

[gayerthanevertbh]

she knows | high and dry part one.

navigation | natasha romanoff series masterlist

pairings: older!scarlett johansson x younger!reader

chapter one | chapter two: eyes on you

chapter summary: every minute and hour, you feel yourself slipping away from her - and you don’t know how to solve it out. what makes it worse is that she knows that you are slipping away.

warnings: slight angst, smut, strap-on used, dom!scarlett & sub!reader, pet names, dirty talking, and more. 

author’s note: this is just a short chapter since it’s like an introduction of the story, so hopefully you’ll enjoy it! let me know your thoughts about this story, thank you <3

When I exited the diner outside of Manhattan, completely disheveled and with my eyes swollen to the point where you might have thought I was a walking zombie, the wind felt cold. I looked around and decided that maybe this time I could just walk home by myself without having to worry about my secret partner picking me up. Even though I adored her, she occasionally refused to move out of my way when I needed some alone time.

I zipped up my coat and set foot on a familiar road I had taken before I met her. Tonight was so chilly that I could hardly move as I stepped onto the pavement; I could see my own breath in the air. I considered what I'll have to do when I got back home. Homework is not an exception; it must be completed. Then I'll cook myself dinner and eat with my cat, Leo. And tonight, if I'm not mistaken, my roommate Aaron will be returning home. He loves to party at all hours and minutes, which is one thing I know about him. If I have time, I can call Scarlett and ask how she is doing today.

But sometimes, I don’t even like talking to her. She can be hard-headed, and most of the time she’s jealous of my roommate.

I soon arrived home and continued to do my thesis for tomorrow, which has to be passed before lunch break. I grabbed my phone from the table and received a message from Scarlett, as expected.

Scarlett: Baby, I could’ve picked you up… why didn’t you tell me you went home on your own? You know there are a lot of bad guys there that could hurt you.

I feel like I can't function on my own at this point. Scarlett would always get in the way when I tried to do that. Am I too flimsy? What was the matter with me? Nothing, I pondered. I was perfectly fine; she wasn't. She seems to be present with every move I make. And as much as I liked the idea of someone looking after me, it can be annoying. I typed a quick message and continued to study once it has sent.

You: i just feel like i wanted some alone time, scar.

Scarlett: I know, but this is a scary world. You live in New York, Y/n. Lots of bad things can happen here.

You: but i know how to take care of myself

Scarlett: I know you do, darling. Sorry, I just feel like I should be protective of a little girl like you.

I was too busy staring at my laptop screen and my cat's purring on the other side of the room to respond to her. I lifted him and placed him on my lap as I stood up. I rubbed him while imagining what my life would be like without her. I would have stayed the same, and I would have never gotten the job at the diner that she gave me.

I was making dinner when I heard the door being closed. I turned over my shoulder and it was Aaron coming inside, smiling at me with squinted eyes. He asked, “What are you making?”

“Grilled cheese sandwich,” I responded, chuckling as I flipped the sandwich on the pan. “Have you eaten dinner?”

He shook his head. “No,” he sat on the couch with his feet on the table, stretching out his arms. “I decided that I am going to be a changed man.”

He can be very funny at times; I find myself laughing at his remarks.

“Oh yeah? What made you realize that?”

He murmured, "Don't know." he pinched his forehead. "I think this was triggered for me when Alyssa broke up with me last week," he said, his voice getting a little more animated. “If I don’t party all the time, then I would save some of my money and spend it on something else.”

“With drinks?���

“No, with… expensive stuff.”

“Aaron, we don’t have space in our lot.”

Aaron clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth. “Right, but maybe we should get a bigger lot then.”

“You do know that my oblivious mother is paying half of this rent, right?” he laughed at my response, then I could hear him walking towards me. “And besides, I like living here.”

I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that an actress, a famous one, is fucking me all the time.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his head.

“Have you talked to your mom yet?”

My mother, I thought. She was exactly like any other mother, except she wasn't in my life. Though she does contribute to the rent in half, she never supports me emotionally. She never was. I could feel his eyes on me, and I stiffened. I replied with a stutter, “N-No, but I think I will call her later. I don’t know.”

After a short dinner with him, I took a quick bath and lit up my candle that smelled like lavender, since it was Scarlett’s favorite smell. I laid my head on the pillow and stroke my cat’s fur, feeling at peace.

Call her, I suddenly thought. Give your "girlfriend" a call; she deserves to hear about your day.

But what if I just need to be alone for now? I have to stop thinking about the guilt that is building inside of my body, I can’t handle it for now.

I just can’t.

When I exited the campus, Scarlett was waiting outside. She was smoking a cigarette inside her car because she found it relieved her anxiety when she saw students passing by. As soon as I entered her car, I kissed her on the cheek, watching her lips turn into a grin.

“Hey,” I greeted as I shut the door beside me. “Aaron isn’t in the apartment right now, do you want to come by and visit?”

“That was actually part of my plan since we can’t go out too much,” she said as she turned on the engine of her car. I felt her hand touching the back of mine. “I’ve missed you, baby. I felt like you were stressed out yesterday. Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head and sighed. She'll be upset if I let her know I've been feeling this way lately. Every time I bring up our relationship's affair, she gets upset. There’s no escaping that.

“Not really, I just want to be with you right now,” I whispered to her, which I fully meant it. I loved spending my time with her, it felt like our love grows each time we see each other. But sometimes, she just couldn’t leave me alone – it’s almost as if I was a predator in her eyes.

“Okay,” she whispered back, kissing the temple on my head. “Why don’t we get some food first, hm? You must be hungry.”

You’re a homewrecker, her wife would despise you.

She bought McDonald's for our lunch because that was our go-to comfort food, then she ate it at my apartment. I was happily munching on my french fries as I watched Scarlett put music into the CD player. Something like this should always be cherished and never let go, or it might just slip away as you blink your eyes close.

“How was class?” she asked in the midst of our conversation that we had a few minutes ago. “Did you learn a lot today?”

“Not really, our professor just wants us to write him something honest. But I don’t really know what he means by honest,” I explained. “Like does he want us to be honest with our feelings? Our thoughts? Anyway, I don’t even want to talk about it.”

“That’s okay, we don’t have to.”

She walked up to me and stroked the back of my hair, as she kissed the tip of my nose. I hear her say, “Everything’s going to be okay, my love. You don’t have to be scared about this, you know it will work out the way we planned to.”

“I know,” I answered as I watched her sitting down beside me, her hand still on my head. “I just feel like we’re hurting everyone around us. If your wife finds out about this, I don’t know how much I can live with that guilt. And if she even exposes me to the media, I don’t feel like I could blame her.”

“I’ll handle it, okay?” her voice felt reassuring, but it wasn’t enough. She leans closer and kisses me feverishly, I could feel myself stiffening. Mumbling, she added: “You don’t have to be scared baby, she’ll never hurt you. I won’t let that happen.”

She made love to me that day, her cock ramming up my insides, her hand on my lower back as she moans to my ear, biting the lobe. As the strap penetrated deeper into my body and struck the point that pushes me over the edge, I felt myself crying with both pain and pleasure. When she spoke to me, Scarlett would even purr the sweetest words into my ear. And as I heard the sound of our skin smacking against each other and felt it, I would just cling desperately to the arm of the couch.

“Fuck! You feel so good,” she whines, holding down my hips on the couch, making me let out a scream. “Oh god, keep yourself tight for me baby… just like that, yeah…”

“Scar–” my breath hitches. “M-Mommy, please slow down…”

She whines on top of me, and pulls her cock out slowly, then pushes it back in with a loud groan. She whispered, “Can’t help myself, sweetheart, your pussy is just so tight for me.”

I struggled to describe how I felt myself slipping into oblivion with each thrust she makes. She clung to me, her hips making a repetitive upward motion as I felt her wet lips on my shoulder. She placed her hand on my left breast and gave it a tight squeeze.

I screamed out of euphoria.

She grunted as she smacked my ass, her teeth feeling tense. "No one will ever make you feel good like I do," she said. “You can’t ever leave me, okay? You can't leave me, promise me that!”

She spoke with a desperate tone, and I'm not sure how to fix that. especially since I feel bad every time she shoves herself into me.

“I-I promise,” I mewled, my eyes rolling back in my head. “I won’t leave, Mommy.”

“I love you so much,” Scarlett cried out as we kissed each other sloppily. I felt her saliva all over my mouth. “Please don’t go, just don’t go…”

Squeeze it apart, that’s fine.

She knows.

let me know if you want to be tagged on the comment section below!

[ataraxetta]

Three of Bruce's Audio Logs from the Gotham Knights game that hit me like a punch. The first is directly after Barbara's injury and mostly about Jason's death, the next is about missing Dick and wishing he could make things right between them, and the third is about Jason coming back into the fold and some Lazarus Pit pondering. Text is below under the cut, but Bruce's voice actor does some amazing work here with adding emotional depth, so I suggest listening if it is a thing you might be into!

LOG ENTRY BT-45 - SPIRAL

"Log entry BT-42...

Alfred, I can't do this. Not now.

[Alfred: If you don't make time for this now, Master Bruce, then when will you? Take all the time you need.]

I didn't know so much could go wrong. There's nowhere else I can go. Dick stopped by Gotham again. Our meetings lately have been...strained. I pushed him away. And this time I don't know if he'll ever come back. He worried about my 'obsessions.' But I wasn't focused nearly enough. If I was, then Barbara--

She got hurt. Paralyzed. Maybe permanently. Because she was trying to help me. I let her take on too much. I should have been there. I Failed her. Barbara, and Dick, and... Jason.

Jason barely got a chance. He could have been great for Gotham. The best kind of Robin. But he was reckless. Rushing into danger like that--No. I'm responsible for this. After being too strict with Dick, I tried to give Jason more freedom. I should have been paying more attention. He went off on his own to be a hero. Then that monster MURDERED him for it.

He was killed because of me.

I'd do anything to fix this. Things I said I'd never do.

Like speak with Talia again. I swore to myself I'd NEVER consider using a Lazarus Pit. The risks, even compared to death, were too great. But I had to know if resurrection was even possible. But when I tracked her down, I couldn't even ask for her help. One more thing I got wrong. And Talia just laughed. I broke almost every rule I have to bring Jason back. And I have nothing to show for it. He's really gone."

Sixteen...

Batman failed-- I failed everyone.

I don't know how to make any of this right. But I'm going to find a way."

LOG ENTRY BT-70 - FATHER AND GRAYSON

"Log entry BT-70.

I don't often have dreams. But this morning, I woke up from one about Nightwing.

Dick came back to Gotham. We sat right here in this room. Together. He let me explain myself, apologize for pushing him away. I found all the words I should have said before he left. That's how I knew none of it was real. He asked me about something we used to talk about. Batman's legacy. You know, 'who wears the cowl when Bruce Wayne can't?'

For years, I thought I had the answer. Every time I looked at Dick Grayson, I saw the next Batman.

But Dick never wanted it.

I've been monitoring his activities in Bludhaven. It's amazing what he's accomplished on his own. His way. With courage and kindness. I see it clearly now. I don't want Nightwing to become Batman. I need Batman to be more like Nightwing.

Despite everything, I just wish he was home, so we could talk. REALLY talk. I'd tell him how proud I really am. That Nightwing is the better version of what Batman was meant to be. That because of Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne became a better man.

I'd tell my son that I miss him.

I'll tell him the next time he comes back. He doesn't need me bothering him.

He doesn't need me at all."

LOG ENTRY BT-57 - BACK FOR GOOD

"It's been two months since I confronted Red Hood.

Wanted Criminal. Confirmed Killer. Jason.

At first, I didn't want to believe it. But after that shock came hope. He's still driven by a sense of justice. There's still a part of him I can recognize as Robin.

He's talking to me, but... he's so angry. Not so much at his murderer, but at me.

I deserve his anger. He was just a child when I put him in harm's way. I pushed him too hard, too fast. He's made it clear that he'll never let go of his desire for vengeance. But he's come to understand that violence has its limits.

I can only be grateful Jason's meeting me halfway. He's accepted counseling. We're finding a way to move forward. He's even suggested we work on a new kind of pistol for him, together. Something that's more... Bat-friendly. I have some reservations about that, but he insists it's possible, and his prototypes are promising. He's making an incredible effort to come back from that cliff, to be a better man.

So far, I've been unable to find out what happened between Jason's murder and his appearance on Gotham's streets as the Red Hood. His amnesia seems total, but not necessarily irreversible. Maybe with time he'll remember...

Alfred and I ran every test we could think of. The last one confirmed my suspicions. We found evidence he'd been exposed to a Lazarus Pit. Was Jason revived by Ra's? Talia? Another faction or cult?

Ra's has healed his injuries, no matter how severe, in Lazarus Pits. Ongoing exposure has rendered him practically immortal, though at the cost of his humanity. Ra's original goal when he founded the League was to destroy a corrupted society to then rebuild it in a purer form. Now, he seems to have lost sight of any reconstruction. He views all human beings as irredeemably flawed, even Talia.

For all his anger, Jason is nothing like that. My working theory is that a single, short exposure to a Lazarus Pit won't cause a permanent shift in personality. But I need to learn more, for Jason's sake.

I won't lose him again."

[angel-z]

Please could I request a Tommy Shelby fic where he’s having a hard time accepting that his daughter is turning 18 and growing up please?

My apologies for the late reply, anon. I've been in writing slump for a while, but I hope you are able to enjoy this.

Absolutely Not - Thomas Shelby and Ruby

One of Thomas's men let him know that his daughter had showed up at The Garrison and he quickly made his way over there. She hadn't shown up at home earlier and he imagined the worst. He nearly burst into the door, followed by John, Arthur and Lizzie. He saw Ruby sitting at the bar with an empty glass in her hand. It took all the strength he could muster to not run and hug her but he still wanted to keep appearances.

"You weren't at home, Ruby. Would you like to tell me why that is?"

"I wanted to get something nice for my birthday, so I bought a few things and just decided to hang out here."

He let out a sigh and rubbed his face. He motioned for the bartender to take away her glass and to fill one for him. Ruby looked at him, annoyed, and just shook her head.

"You can't keep treating me like a child. I can take care of myself."

"You are still a child. My child."

"Father, I'm 18 now."

His hand stopped right at his lips. 'That can't be true', he thought. He knew for a fact that she was at least 16 now.

"No, you're not," he said, downing his drink. "Isn't that right, brother?"

Arthur pondered for a moment and cleared his throat, nervously. "Of course not. The young ones don't grow that fast." He rubbed the back of his neck.

Lizzie shook her head. "Don't tell me you really forgot how old your own daughter is."

Thomas looked at Ruby and she gave him a knowing look. He looked away and took another swig of whisky, right after his glass was refilled.

"Either way, you're still under the protection of the Peaky Blinders and that will never change and I'm still your father. You come to me for things and we'll have them dealt with. Now, let's go back home. Your brother made you a few presents."

He made his way to the door, assuming Ruby was right behind him when he heard her voice, still at the bar.

"I've met somebody. He's a sweet guy."

"Do we know him," John asked.

"No... but it's alright. We can trust him. I trust him."

Thomas still stood facing the door. Everyone felt the tension start to rise in the room. Arthur starting shifting his feet and Lizzie straightened the collar of her dress. Thomas let out a sigh and looked back at his daughter.

"If you say that you trust him... I trust your judgement, but I still have to talk to him. It'll be a civil talk. But if he ever hurts you.."

"He won't. I know it."

She got off the stool and went over to Thomas to give him a warm hug. He hugged her back and couldn't help but show a little smile.

"Are we going to head back to the house now? Because I am starving," John exclaimed.

"Yeah. I'm kinda hungry too, brother."

The two of them laughed and walked out of the door. Lizzie rolled her eyes and followed after them. Ruby ran to beat them to the carriage, leaving Thomas to watch them go.

'They really do grow up so fast."

Author's note: I know it's not my best work, but I do hope you enjoy this. My mind has been kicking my butt lately ;-; I do intend to do my best to make a better habit of writing more, so I'll try to pop in here more often. I hope you all have a lovely day/afternooon/evening whereever you are in the world. Do not forget that you are loved and cherished ^^

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Chapter 24 - Wǒ Qīn'ài de Húxiān Huánghòu

"Hey, babe, sorry, but I won't hold back. I'll try to keep from hitting your pretty face though. It would be a shame to hurt such a beauty." Rihito grinned flirtatiously, making Kisara gag internally. "Rihito. I'm married. You came to my wedding." she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Married or not, you're still hot and I want your number." Kisara groaned in frustration, not bothering to listen to any of Mokichi's professional commentary.

As soon as the referee announced the moment to take their stance, Kisara cracked her knuckles and adopted Agito's martial arts stance, waiting. The fight began, and Rihito sprung at light speed towards the red head - Only to find himself knocked out, on the ground. For the ordinary people with no experience, it looked like some kind of magic took place - But the others cheered the fantastic win lasting less than a minute. It was a classic Hatsumi Sen win that only someone as fast as Kisara could accomplish. First, she leaned to the side, grabbing his hand, or rather, wrapping her fingers around his thumb, gripping and forcing it in an awkward angle, forcing him to his knees. Before Rihito could escape with the aid of his other hand's Razor's Edge, Kisara used Senpai's Gathering Clouds: Triple Strike move on his face, hitting the glabella, philtrum and chin with such speed that he fell on the ground, knocked out and bleeding.

Kisara smirked, doing a pretty princess courtesy towards the audience, before getting out of the ring, and back to where the manager was waiting to congratulate her, along with Jackie and Joji. She hadn't even sweat, at all - To think that what a semifinal worthy of a Kengan x Purgatory Tournament... What a disgrace! Her fight with Wakatsuki from many years ago was far more entertaining than this hilarity.  As soon as she got up the stands, she double high-fived both Jackie and Joji before slumping down on her assigned seat next to the foreigner who offered her another pocky pack and a coke can, with which she clinked to everyone's beer or sake cups.

"You made that look very easy." Jackie said casually. "It is, actually!" she smiled, munching on that pocky. "It's not." he said. "It takes years of practice. How long did it it take?" "Hmm... Let's see... About four years, I think?" she pondered over. "Ah, but don't think I was in any way athletic back then! Goodness, no I-- I was pretty pathetic and weak. I was still in Uni and studying all day, barely living on coffee and a light meal per day. If it wasn't for Ohma encouraging me to get healthier, I wouldn't have gotten where I am." she scratched the back of her neck awkwardly. "It took years to gain any ounce of self-confidence, control and discipline over myself. Hatsumi-Senpai helped me a lot in that regard. I used to be such an anxious little mouse before!" she giggled lightly. "But I got to do a lot of mountain hiking, which was super fun!" "You're just being modest, then. It took your Senpai years to perfect a move and learn how to teach it to you. Don't downplay your hard-work." Jackie hummed, nonchalantly drinking his beer. "You're just too nice, Jackie." she hummed. "Would you like to go hiking with us some day?" "Sure."

The second semifinal began with Koga against Ryuki, which was an exciting and thrilling match. Gaoh began with a fantastically quick footwork towards and around Koga using Setsuna's move, but Narushima was able to dodge before he got killed. Was Kiryu around, maybe? Could Ryuki be so directly influenced by Setsuna, all of a sudden? He wasn't like this a while ago, during the Kengan vs Purgatory Tournament. If Ohma finds him, an all-out war might explode. Ever since Ohma got his memories back, he's gotten so much wiser and level-headed, so grounded and calm, it was truly wholesome and heart-warming; Hence why, Kisara was almost sure that Ohma was protective over Koga, but also wanted to protect Ryuki from negative outside influence - In this case, Setsuna - Knowing he was just a child traumatised by the Inside, similar to him in many ways, but also, so very different. Tokita Niko and Gaoh Mukaku were definitely miles apart on the spectrum.

Koga looked almost helpless before Gaoh's fierce rush - Truth is, Koga wasn't tried to kill his friend, while Ryuki was actively going out of his way to assassinate him. He was dodging and evading, parrying and blocking, even a combination of Koei style Blink and Rakshasa's Palm. All of a sudden, Jackie got up abruptly. "Something wrong, Jackie?" Joji asked him, looking up at the man whilst still drinking his alcohol. "I'm gonna buy some more beer. Want me to pick up something while I'm there?" the foreigner offered. "Can I have fried offal and noodles? I swear, I could live the rest of my life on nothing but fried offal and noodles." Joji chuckled lethargically. "Are you sure you're okay, Jackie? You seem upset. Is the match boring you?" Kisara automatically got up to her feet, her hand reaching out to gently touch his biceps. Jackie looked down at her, his empty eyes boring into her beautiful green ones, and his expression subtly lightened. "Yes, I'm alright, don't worry about me." he placed his large hand over her her much smaller and delicate one. "For a fighter, you have very soft skin. It would be a shame if you got hurt." with one finger placed under her chin, he rose her face up. She was as beautiful as always, he thought, and without a second word, he left to the shop, leaving Kisara very much confused.

Meanwhile, Koga used the Indestructible, risking the Rakshasa's Palm rotation and punching Koga's face hard enough - He finally realised that the rotation is tearing apart not only the muscles, but the bones and nerves also. Poor Adam, taking the brunt of that. Even Nikaido, years ago. Thank goodness Master Gensai fought him in the next round and put him to respect, otherwise, who knows how many more people he would have almost killed.  Ryuki got in a low stance before leaping up with two Air Rending Gaoh Style techniques in a row aimed at Koga's head - He combined the Gaoh style with the Koei style again, what a monster; He did the same with the Blink and the Earth-Crouching Dragon. Koga managed to land a beautiful straight to his face, sensing Ryuki fall to the ground, but he got back on his feet right away. 

Koga used the Flame Kata - Raging Fire Dash, grabbing Ryuki in a low stance, and though he tried to pull the Rakshasa's Palm move twice on him, it didn't work. Koga easily figured out the spin goes from below the elbow down. He's got him all figured out. Ryuki used the Armor Clad, a technique similar to the Indestructible, to which Koga punched with with Ironbreak - Though in a twist of events, Gaoh used Swift foot, hitting Koga's torso with Setsuna's move, catching him off guard; Thankfully, the silver haired young man managed a semi-perfect Indestructible before he could get any real damage to his body.

Whatever conclusion both of them reached was unknown, for they engaged in an outright slugfest, using Armor clad and Indestructible. Koga combined the Iron Breaker with the Raging Fire, lunging at Ryuki with mad speed and strength, breaking through his defenses, sending him flying - But he went on ahead once again, smashing him with a Flashing Steel, landing a clean hit - Though his fists were massively bleeding. Ohma must be pretty pissed off that Koga hurt himself by using techniques blindly without thinking.

Who'd have thought that Ryuki would be beaten by his best friend, using his infamous Earth-Crouching Dragon uppercut strike on himself, the person he relied on the most, knocking him out instantly? Narushima Koga advances to the finals. As Kisara got up from her seat and walked towards the arena, she encountered Jackie, as if he was looking for her. He didn't bring her something to either drink or eat - In fact, he seemed to have bought nothing at all. Was he not returning to the others? Was he in a rush to leave?

"I need to leave soon." Jackie said, his hands in the pockets. "I'll look for you after you win this to say goodbye. That's what friends do, right?" Though a little clumsy, Kisara smiled at the nice thought. "Of course. I hope my match will impress you a bit more than the last one." she said, before taking his hands in her own. "But, Jackie - Are you sure you're alright? You seem really upset. Like - Really. Is something the matter?" Jackie looked down at her, squeezing her hands softly, but his expression didn't change. He looked as bored as always. "I'm fine. Worry about your match. In fact, that's why I came to find you. I thought of a way to evade any injury." Jackie said, gently taking his hands out of her hold and rummaging in the pocket of his jacket. "You said that boy knows your style, and you knows his. The solution is simple. Do what you do best." the ghost of a smile touched his handsome features. "Dance." "Dance?" the girl rose a questioning eyebrow, earning a nod from the man. "You've shown everything in fights, except your dancing. Wushu can be mastered through dancing. That boy is injured enough for you to be able to pull off a quick win." he noted, taking out a beautiful golden jade pin, ornate with flowers, and put it in her velvety carmine hair. "Achieve victory." he said in a more stern voice, turning around to leave. "And never fight again."

Kisara had no clue what happened, nor could she understand the peculiarity of her interaction with Jackie. Not only was he acting weird, but was also being overly familiar, speaking as though they knew each other for ages. But that accessory was very pretty and seemed veritable - She wasn't going to throw away a gift. Regardless, she had a match to win. She walked into the ring, and saw Wakatsuki standing next to Jerry and Sayaka at the commentator's table. "Thank you for being with us, Wakatsuki! Can you tell us what to look out for in this match?" Jerry spoke. "Well, if you ask me, Kisara's going to be a force to be reckoned with. I've fought her before, and she gave me a run for my money. That's not to say it's a sure win. Narushima's style is versatile, witty and strong." Kisara wanted to chuckle at his comment, especially as Koga was in such a battered state. The two stepped close enough to fist bump and grin at each other. "Let's do this, Kisara!" Koga said, pumped up. "Yeah, let's enjoy this fight." she stepped backwards towards her spot. "You should know by now though, I'm more of an expert in the Niko style than you can imagine." she chuckled, taking the graceful stance of a dancer, while Koga took the usual stance.

Dance - Jackie said. Alright then, let's dance for the Emperor. She smiled gracefully, knowing that her husband was watching, and as soon as the referee yelled the beginning of the fight, Kisara hummed the melody of the Lanling Prince in Battle song, performing every move that the beautiful concubine in that movie did. Though she hadn't a mask or a weapon to signify the duality of the prince, nor the war he was fighting, she twirled beautifully towards Koga, evading with ease his hits, and with the elegance of a swan, her palms struck him hard, making him reel backwards. There was not a single hit that Koga could aim - He felt as though he was fighting mist, or even the flowing water - Yet when she kicked him, she hit harder than a hurricane.

"Sorry, kid." Kisara apologised to Koga as she twirled, striking him hard in the face with an open palm hit, before doing a few pirouettes towards him, grabbing him by the chin, dragging him forwards. She then took his wrist, ducking behind him and kneeing him in the liver from behind, before twirling in front of him again, pulling him by the hand and doing a backflip, kneeing him in the diaphragm again, and graciously landing on her feet to deliver her last hit, her finishing strike: The Dragon Shot.

Koga was unconscious on the ground. "THE QUEEN OF THE KENGAN MATCHES STRIKES AGAIN! KISARA WINS!" the winner did a few beautiful moves as courtesy to the cheering audience. To think she'd actually win a tournament, isn't that hilarious? She sure had a ton of good luck. Was it an auspicious day or what?  Ah, she's beat. She just wants to go home and cuddle Ohma to sleep.

She skipped out of the arena, looking for her husband. She found him, along with some others, who congratulated her. Jackie was leaning on the wall, but he came over just as Ohma pulled her in a kiss. "Well done. You fought well." the foreigner spoke in a low voice. "Now stop fighting." not only her, but Ohma and some others who weren't too drunk, or too engulfed in conversations looked at him confused. "It's a man's job to protect his woman. You had your fun. Now stay safe." "If Kisara wants to continue fighting, she will. She doesn't need anyone's protection." Ohma defended his wife's tenacity and resolve. "My wife will do whatever she wants." Jackie shared a short exchange of looks with Ohma, before his gaze fell on Kisara for the last time. Unexpectedly, he spoke one last phrase, in his mother tongue, before leaving. "Zàijiàn​​​​​​​. Wǒ Qīn'ài de Húxiān Huánghòu." Kisara gasped, her eyes wide open, and her mouth agape. "What'd he say?" Yamashita asked, scratching the back of his neck in confusion. "I have no clue. What language was that anyway?" Ohma grunted, furrowing his brows slightly. "I think it was Chinese." the manager replied. "Kisara, did you understand what he said?" she nodded her head. "You have a weird look on your face. Did he threaten you?" "No... On the contrary." she muttered, pulling away from Ohma. "Find me outside in ten minutes, okay? I need to seek some answers." they needn't ask for words - They understood each other through looks alone. 

Kisara ran after Jackie, all the way outside. She spotted his messy blond hair and she grabbed him by the elbow, stopping him from advancing further away. He hadn't turned around to face her though. "Why did you say that to me?" Kisara asked. "I don't know Chinese very well, but I can tell simple words like that." she gulped. "Farewell, my beloved Fox Empress. That's what you said, isn't it? Why did you say that to me?"

"Because that's what you've always been." he answered so nonchalantly, but somehow, Kisara felt scared like never before. She never once felt any kind of malice from Jackie - Why now? Why does she feel in danger, but also... Safe? That made no sense whatsoever. "Jackie. Do you... Know me?" she asked, feeling a shiver down her spine. "Jackie. Jackie... That's not your name, isn't it?" she bit her lip. "Jackie. Are you... Are you the 'Connector'?" The silence from the one calling himself Jackie was eerie and dangerous like nothing she's ever experienced before. "You've always been too smart for your own good. Your wisdom was wasted on a woman. Nobody listened to you." a painful sense of dread froze her heart. "They should have listened to you." Confused but also creeped out, Kisara took the pin out of her hair and analysed it. She might have known some words here and there, but she definitely couldn't read the symbols. "Am I a clone like Ohma and Ryuki, then? I couldn't be, could I? If Huisheng might have been taught and done for over a millennia... Now or then... I doubt I'd have had any worth to clone. So if that's not it, then... Then how do you know me?" "You are right. You weren't worth cloning, any more than anyone else, except for the Connector." Jackie spoke. "Are you a Buddhist?" Kisara was perplex at such a question, only to realise it made sense, in an odd way. "Are you trying to ask me if I believe in Samsara? Reincarnation?" he nodded his head. "I... I don't. Or rather, I didn't. With all this cloning and Huisheng going on, I... I'm not sure if I should let anything surprise me anymore." "I am many, though I am one. You are one, yet you are many." his phrase sounded more like a riddle than any answer. "Don't let them kill you again. Ruyi."

Kisara's eyes widened, shocked at the name she was given. "Are you trying to imply I'm Chinese?"  "Once, a Princess. Now, only by thinned blood, yet with no less of the grace." whether he knew the effect his words had on her, creeping her out like that. Or, perhaps he knew, for he took a step forward, ready to leave. "Wait - Jackie!" the man did not stop; Instead, he spoke a single word before vanishing through the crowd of people, as though he was a phantasm that she imagined. "Shen", he said. Was that his true name, then? Or, at least, the one she interacted with. "Kisara." someone placing a hand on her shoulder made the woman jump in her skin with a yelp of shock. "Easy now, it's me. You were zoning out." "Ohma." Kisara breathed out shakily. "Let's go home. I need to call Katahara." "Huh? What happened?" Ohma's eyes widened in shock as Kisara threw her arms around his torso, clinging tightly onto him. "I'm still trying to figure out what happened. Let me explain while we go back home. It's... A lot to take in."

Kisara recalled the dialog and interactions she had with the man whose name may or may not be Shen truly, and she even researched the symbols on the accessory - Princess Ruyi - It said. How scary. "I want to ask Katahara and Wu Xing if they know anything about Reincarnation. I want to know how does the Connector know me, and why would he bother going out of his way to get so familiar with me. I mean, he's the head of the Worm, right? He's supposed to stay hidden, yet he went out of his way to befriend Yamashita Kazuo and Joji. He didn't hide away from you and the others either." she laid on the bed in deep thought. "He told me not to let them kill me. He told me to stop fighting. He told me my smarts were wasted on me for being a woman, because nobody listens to women." Kisara suddenly shot up in a sitting position, turning to look at her husband. "It almost sounds like the story of the Lanling Prince and his wife. She begged him not to go to war, but he went anyway, so she followed after him. Instead, the prince ended up watching his wife get killed in front of him. As she lay dying in his arms, her blood splattered all over his mask. You remember that show, don't you? Almost a hundred episodes - Though you slept through most of it anyway."

"Aren't you overthinking it? I mean, it doesn't really matter in the end, does it? Whether incarnation is true or not, you aren't connected with your past selves like the Huisheng bastards are. If you don't remember anything, it doesn't affect you." he, too, got up, cupping her face. "Whatever you were in the past doesn't matter. Right now, you are Tokita Kisara, my wife. You're a fighter because you want to, and you did a ton of things thanks to your intelligence. You've got a bunch of friends and your whole life ahead of yourself. Who cares about that guy, anyway? Besides, he had every chance to kill you, but he didn't seem hostile to you, you said; On the contrary. So even better. If the Worm head doesn't want you dead, all the best for me, I won't have to worry too much." "Since when have you gotten so wise, anyway?" Kisara climbed in his lap, pulling him into a tight embrace. "I almost don't recognise you for the stupid gym rat you were a little ago." "Shut up, you dumbass bookworm. I'm just saying - Don't bother with that guy. As long as he ain't trying to harm you, he's not our concern yet. You're worrying too much. I bet you're overthinking yourself to death now with all sorts of bullshit." Kisara offered a wry smile, feeling guilty and busted.

"Of course, you are right. I can't help but think about what he said. About all this. If the Connector dates back over a thousand years ago, well - Confucianism was a big thing in China - But then why did he ask if I was a Buddhist? Thing is - There are so many contradictions about all this. I mean - Confucianism rejected the idea of reincarnation, saying a single life was enough. The Connector is cloning himself, thus, continuing to live and relive. It's like a continuous Samsara, in a weird way, with no Nirvana. Buddhism believes strongly in rebirth until one achieves nirvana." she rested her elbow on his shoulders. "Shen said my talents were wasted on me, because I was a woman. He called me an Empress. A Princess. If we were during a Confucianism time, then the Annalects speak that women must obey their father, husband and sons after the death of the husband. Likewise, they say if a woman doesn't hold the "four virtues" - chastity, modesty in speech, neatness of appearance, and good needlework and cooking, then they aren't worthy. Women aren't important. Which would make sense with what he said." she continued with her ridiculous overthinking. "When in comes to Buddhism, I think the Sutras and the Jataka tales tend to contradict themselves. I heard that Siddhartha Gautama called equality among men and women when it comes to attaining Spiritual Awakening, but at the same time, there are writings that say women aren't allowed to become Bodhisattva and must have a good karma to be reborn as a man to have any chance of attaining nirvana, because they are seen as polluted with menstruation, sexual intercourse, death and childbirth. By this accord, I am fated to keep this Samsara cycle for an eternity, because I've sinned for centuries, and by bad karma is punishing me in this cursed body, unable to achieve Enlightening." she hummed, her eyes narrowed a little. "But then, if I was a weak, useless woman, why would I be killed? Why would he care? He's the Connector, and he admitted I'm not worth cloning, like everyone else except for him - So why does he cling to my supposed reincarnation?"

"Are you done?" Ohma had the most done with life expression on his face. "For now, I think yes." she nodded casually. "Good, because I zoned out a while ago." he scoffed, pushing her on her back on the bed. "You speak too much and I don't understand jack shit. Didn't I tell you not to use use smart words cause I don't understand? Everything you said is just a bunch of unimportant thoughts that you have, that's all. What's the point in thinking about a past you never had, when you're living in the present? Confucius and Buddha, and whatever anyone else thinks or believes in - You don't believe in any of that shit, you said that countless of times. So if you don't care about that, why the hell would you get so deep into this? Forget it." Ohma towered down over her, his long hair draping over her face, tickling her into giggling. "That's it. That's the beautiful smile I wanted to see." he placed his hands over hers, intertwining their fingers together, squeezing lightly. "You won a tournament. You made yourself proud with your hard work. You were great out there. Why go out of your way to upset yourself? We're living in the present - Remember what we talked about on the island? We're creating our own lives. Together." Kisara smiled sweetly, feeling her eyes sting with emotion, small tears slowly escaping at the corners and streaming down. "You have no idea how much I love you, Ohma. There's no one in this world that could understand me like you do. I'm so lucky to have you in my life." he simply chuckled, leaning down to capture her sweet lips in a tender kiss. "I love you, Kisara."

Days passed since the tournament, and with that, Ryuki's departure back home, to his grandpa in the Inside. Problem was, the summer ended, and with it, so did the connection with the boy. He was nowhere to be found. Of course, everyone worried over him and together with Retsudo, they formed a rescue party, adding Himuro and Rei, who would be great additions.  Along with the manager, they gathered at Katahara's home, around a large map that depicted the map of the Inside based on satellite photography and statements from the residents. The GPS tracker placed on Ryuki had stopped responding around Rhoza district, so something must have happened around there. The change of the borders was always changing though, so they must have probably already shifted drastically.

Rei had been on a job there before, at the border of Rhoza - Apparently, Himuro was from there also originally. They say they keep putting up new buildings and apartments where there were roads the previous day, so it's a real mess to deal with. Ryuki was lost somewhere in the middle of the map, which was not a part of Rohza anymore, but a contested territory by all districts around. They were walking in the middle of a turf war. Not great. 

Yamashita Kazuo remembered Ohma mentioning having a villa in Shiki, and he though he must have travelled diagonally, from one end of the Inside, to the other. Of course, that wasn't the case, he wasn't suicidal - He went outside the borders, taking refuse in Shiki when things got to shit in Tokita.

While they were discussing a plan, Koga had left to see the border with the Inside, trying to convince himself and find his courage and resolve to join them in their venture in hell. He even got to see a Seki vs Naoya fight, to which he was told a lot of encouraging words - Finally, he was ready to go.

They were leaving on the morrow. Himuro would be leading them through Rohza and Rei would accompany them until they reached the disputed territory. They'll need a guide through the disputed territory though - Retsudo seemed to already have someone in mind though, so things were good. Clearly, he was in it to get more info on the Worm - Smart boy. He'll become a fantastic chairman, just like Katahara was.

Before they left, Kisara, Ohma and Koga went over to Masaki at Toyo corp to retrieve their reports on the Inside - Surveys made by his supposed father were made from two years prior and what not. "Are you sure you want to come?" Ohma turned to Kisara, checking one last time. "Of course. I want to rescue Ryuki as much as everyone. Besides - I want to stay by your side, remember? I don't want a sudden repeat of a few years ago. Someone has to keep you safe, right?" she winked at him playfully, holding his hand. "A'ight, Your Majesty, protect me." Ohma chuckled as they traversed the thick wall corridor that led to the Inside, a desolate place abandoned by God like no other.

It almost felt as if they weren't in Japan anymore, with bazaars and black markets everywhere, soldiers, refugees, merchants, vendors and everything else you'd think of. Weirdly enough, Ohma seemed to be grinning, reminiscing about Tokita Ward. Weirdo.  They went to search for some lodging for the night, in the biggest dump in the entire world - Kisara wanted to tear her hair apart from disgust, but she signed herself up for it. Well, at least she won't stay too long in this shithole - And Ohma led her and Koga to eat some pretty damn good ramen, though she didn't want to know what it was made of. He told Ohma that he wanted Koga to come over because the Niko style originated here, and he wants him to inherit Niko style wholly... But he said it in such a creepy way. "So if something happens to me..." he said, making both Koga and Kisara slam their hands on the table, protesting. "You're making it sound like you're dying!!" they both yelled at him. "You know about me and Ryuki, don't you? We're somebody's clones, and that somebody is after us. Anything could happen. That's why I wanna teach you what I learned from Niko, like I taught Kisara, while I still have the chance." Ohma's voice was so stern and somber that Kisara hit him in the head with the spoon. Hard. "If you even think about dying on me a second time, I'll never forgive you." she hissed at him. "I won't let him die, don't worry." the eerie voice of none other than Kiryu Setsuna made them all snap their gaze at him as he sat down next to Ohma - So close that he made him visibly uncomfortable. "Can you not make my husband cringe from how uncomfortable he is?" Kisara sighed, defeated. "Instead, tell us about Ryuki. I know you had your hand in making a killer out of him and losing his mind in the process."

"Ah, yes, we exterminated Worms together." he spoke so nonchalantly, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Well, it sort of was, in a way - For them, at least. "FUCK YOU!" Koga howled, grabbing Setsuna by the neck of the shirt. "IT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU MADE RYUKI LIKE THAT!" he continued shaking him violently. "Koga, calm down, you're attracting unwanted attention to us." Kisara coughed, looking around at the prying eyes. "Don't misunderstand me, Narushima. I never once ordered Ryuki to do anything." he said it was the same thing as what Ohma's doing, passing on his legacy to him. "Ryuki's going through a dilemma right now. He's between a rock and a hard place." "Is it about his grandpa's teachings, and Koga's resolve of not killing?" Kisara asked, earning an empty smile from the man. "You've got it right." he nodded. "I last saw him the day before he went back to the Inside. Ryuki said he'd come back right after that, but he's still not back yet - So I came to the Inside to look for him." "You said Mukaku's got safehouses all over the place?" Ohma asked, interested in Setsuna's knowledge. "Yeah, seems he made a lot of enemies. Ryuki said he had around twenty places and that's just as far as he knew. Ryuki's GPS tracker has stopped moving for the past few days, before stopping responding entirely." Setsuna explained simply, though he did seem a bit worried for his pupil also. "HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!" Kisara had to shove Koga back down on his seat to make him stop overreacting. "There's a good chance that Ryuki's found Gaoh Mukaku, and that he's in trouble." Setsuna got up from the table. "Wait, you think Ryuki's grandpa would hurt him?" the woman's eyes widened in realisation. Kiryu shrugged vaguely. "I'm going to look for Ryuki on my own. The Worm's in the Inside too. We need to find Mukaku before they do - Otherwise, they'll kill him." so it's the Worm they should be worried about. Then, could the Connector also...?

Early in the morning, while Himuro and Rei were up and ready for a high-level spar, a messenger came over with an invitation from the General, a soldier named Zhang who was buddy buddies with Himuro. To offer than a guide, one of them had to defeat one of his men - So Retsudo offered, getting in a Silat stance that Misasa would be proud of, and going forward for a few feint jabs - And when the enemy pulled out his knife, Retsu  took his small hand-knife, stomping on his foot and slashing the enemy well, hitting all his vitals. What a beast, and he's so young also! And so cocky, teasing the enemy into attacking blindly - He easily parried a punch with his elbow twice, before slicing at his face and destroying him. No wonder he's about the only one capable of coming between Ohma and Raian when they're fighting.

Kisara clapped at the cool young man. "That was awesome, Retsu, well done! Misasa would be so proud of you!" Ohma, also, praised and high-fived him.  Out of nowhere, this creepy, bandaged up guide appeared - So fast and silent that not even Rei sensed him. What a monster. He guided them through the district, towards the Underground,  all the way out, in the disputed territory. Somewhere along the lines, Rei and the guide stopped, defeating one of the White Worms who reported directly to the head.

They found an abandoned temple looking rather run down yet still standing. As they walked up to it, they got attacked by someone, the main target being Ohma. Damn it, not again, Kisara thought, realising that her husband was always the prime target for everyone in the world. Gaoh Mukaku was glaring at them, holding a meat cleaver and claiming they were Worms. Thankfully, Koga ended up explaining everything. "Wait, you mean you're not Worms?! You should've said so sooner!" "You jumped us before we could even say anything!!! What the fuck were we supposed to do, you old coot?!" speak about a short-temper, Koga. Was it the youth? Nah, Retsu was calm. Maybe a fire sign? "Are you sure this is our guy?" Himuro sweat dropped at the childishness of the old man. "Yeah... No doubt about it. This old man is Gaoh Mukaku." Retsudo's voice was low, sending a tremor down Kisara's spine. This Mukaku was creeping her out. "That's MR. Mukaku to you, whipper-snapper!" Mukaku growled at him. "Is that really him? Are we so sure that this isn't Okubo's grandpa?" Koga glared at the old man. "Who's this Okubo? And that sounds like a slight against this Okubo fella if I ever heard one." Mukaku glared back at the child. "Well, sorry for stopping by unannounced. See, we're here in the Inside looking for Ryuki." Ohma finally attracted the conversation in the right direction. "Ohh, you're friends of Ryuki's? Well, Ryuki was here. I can tell you that much. He dropped by here about a week ago. I've got a couple Safehouses in the Inside, so I reckon he had a tough time tracking me down." Mukaku explained. "Is Ryuki still here?" Ohma asked straight forward. "Nope, he ain't here no more. You just missed him." Kisara didn't believe a word he was saying. "Do you have any ideas of where Ryuki might've gone?" Retsu asked.

"You wouldn't happen to be Metsudo's grandson, would you?" Mukaku was trying to divert the conversation again. "I'm his youngest son. We need to take Ryuki into our protection as soon as possible." Retsu tried to return to the point. "Ohh, you're Metsudo's son, no wonder I saw the resemblance." he stroke his beard, only for his eyes to bulge and start screaming. "Wait, SON?! What kind of stallion IS he?!" Kisara groaned, slapping a hand over her face. "DON'T FUCKING CHANGE THE SUBJECT!" Koga yelled at him, frustrated with his senile behaviour. "Hmm... Take him into your protection, eh? Well, he doesn't need any of that. I've trained him real good." he sat down, lighting up a pipe to smoke.  "Are you crazy?! The Worm's not messing around here!" Koga yelled again at him. "Oh, I know. Ryuki and I have been hard at work, exterminating the Work. I let Ryuki fight in the Kengan matches just so the Worm could find him. Ryuki is indispensable to the Worm, so I reckoned they'd send their top men after him. See - Ryuki's a clone of this So-Called Connector that the Worm Worships." Kisara felt the blood freeze in her veins, and she turned her head to look at her husband. She couldn't see the resemblance though. Was she just awful with faces? It wasn't wrong, she could never tell apart family members based on their common features.

Kisara felt a little lost in her own mind again - She was zoning out a little, thinking of what Mukaku might know that could make her piece together some lost puzzle pieces. He knows of the Connector - Does he know him personally? And if yes, could it be possible to know any of her past incarnations? Gah, she can't believe she fell so deep into this ridiculous theory that she doesn't even believe in. That man messed with her mind big time. Rei said he took out a White Worm - If the officer was here, could the Big Boss be here, also?

Mukaku began a story of his youth, from many decades ago when he got in the Inside and took some students in to teach and conquer the place. Though he took a whole crowd of students, only seven of them could keep up - The Seven Nikos. He also confirmed everyone's inkling that the Inside was created by the Worm - The Inside was a huge ass Gu Ritual chamber, like what Agito had to go through, poor man. Kisara couldn't help but shudder, imagining going through that at such a frail age. 

The Seven Nikos, however, began killing each other in the forest where they took a trip, until only two remained - Four, which was Ohma's Master, and Six, the Other Tokita Niko who taught Setsuna. Five and Six claim to had recently defected to the Worm, hence why they betrayed Mukaku - But who knows how true is that, really? Six used Five as an experiment anyway, so he was very much dead to this day. Mukaku continued to go around the country, destroying Worm Bases, until he found baby Ryuki, whom he adopted - Though he claims he didn't know he was the Connector's clone at the time.

With the story over, everyone went outside. Himuro and Ohma were discussing the story while Koga and Mukaku were chopping wood. Kisara stepped over to Retsudo, making a sneaky little plan, involving calling out Mukaku's veritable lies. At some point, Himuro got a got and left. When they were done, they walked over to the old man. "Ryuki has just been taken into our custody." Retsudo said with a straight face. Nothing ever betrayed his emotions. The shock of such a notion tricked Mukaku into turning his head in a direction - The direction where he was keeping Ryuki captive, no doubt. "You haven't killed him yet, I see." caught in his own lie. "His response just confirmed it, Ryuki's still somewhere on the premises, isn't he?" "I said he ain't HERE no more." the old man scoffed in annoyance. "Give it up, old man. It's too late." Ohma warned him. "Wh-What the hell are they talking about, gramps?! Is Ryuki really here?!" Koga screamed at him in disbelief. "I had my doubts about you, all along. From the moment you attacked Ohma, I had my doubts about you. I thought you attacked him because you mistook him for the Connector - But you didn't, did you? You tried to kill Ohma because you mistook him for Ryuki." Retsudo called him out. "Pesky little bugger. I knew I should've killed you when I had the chance." Mukaku growled menacingly. "Where is Ryuki? Tell us now." Ohma spoke sternly.  "I don't know." he shrugged, sitting on a log. "But you do, don't you, you filthy Worm?" Kisara smiled enigmatically. "Yes, look at me. Get a good look at me. You know me too, don't you? The Connector told me all about you. Ah - Or, maybe I should say - Shen told me about you?" the aggressive look in his face as she provoked him made her feel small and terrified, but she masked it well enough. "You have no idea how much I want to see your pretty face contorted with fear and agony as you die in that fucker's arms. Over and over again. I get off on that every time I remember." Kisara felt a shudder down her spine, and she stepped backwards, behind Ohma. Retsudo saved her from Mukaku's wrath, telling the story of the Gaoh Style hoax, and that Gaoh Mukaku actually never existed, but that he was a Remnant of Wowang - The last of the five of the Syndicate to keep alive. Mukaku accepted that he was found out eventually, but wouldn't tell them where Ryuki was. Instead, he got up, stepping menacingly towards them. "I don't think you'd want to fight us, Mukaku. It doesn't matter whether you're a Worm or not. Shen is here, looking for Ryuki as much as we do. And you know what? If he finds out you've cause me any harm, well - It won't end up well for you, will it?" Kisara tried to threaten him, hoping he'd be afraid - He wasn't. He smirked instead. Shit, she only made things worse. He took a weird stance, and so did Retsu and Ohma. "I don't think your words are going to scare him, Kisara. Stay back." Retsu warned her as him and Ohma cautiously took their own stances - Only for Koga to lunge headfirst like a dumbass. Lucky him, Ohma saved him before getting fatally struck by a demon wheel, whilst Retsu went on ahead, slashing away quickly with his knife, but it didn't work. With his Adamantine Kata, Mukaku threw an Ironbreaker punch towards Metsudo's son; Ohma was there to shield him with Indestructible, but the two got thrown away. It was only Kisara left standing.

"Oh shit." she wasn't sure what to do - If Ohma couldn't fight him, she had not even the slightest chance of touching him. Running, though, as good as it sounded... Where could she go? Back to the Underground, maybe? "You're not afraid of Shen, are you?" she sweatdropped, hoping to stall him. For a single second, she actually prayed for the Connector to come over and beat him to death for threatening her like this. "Afraid of him? Ha! I'm gonna rip him to shreds! But before I do that, I'm gonna kill you in front of him - His face watching you die is otherworldly! It's the sweetest revenge I've got!" he lunged at her, making Kisara squeak, terrified, and duck under his arm to run around and evade his hits. To think she'd use her dancing agility and flexibility to learn Wushu moves and save herself from a fucking behemoth. Insane. Absolutely insane.

She should have remained in her bed.

"Stop dancing around, Princess, it ain't gonna save you. I know your tricks - I've already seen you die four times in my life!" Kisara turned to look at him in shock - Four times? How old is he? And not only that, how young was she that she died and was reborn four fucking times?  "Hey, I know I'm pretty, but I don't wanna die young, okay? Gimme a break!" she yelped as she got caught by the end of her swishing long hair, and with a rough tug, Mukaku grabbed her and slammed her into the ground so hard that she thought her spine shattered to dust. Dust to Dust. Pulvis et Pulvis. From the dirt we are born, and to the dirt we return. Fuck this.  "You're just a woman. No matter how strong you are, you can't compare to me. Not even Shen Wulong could save you." as Kisara was struggling to breath through the pain, forcing her vision to unblur, she saw the outline of a fist coming down hard, aiming at her solar plexus. Despite the vertigo, she quickly rolled over and snatched her hair pin, using it as a small dagger which she slammed into his face, slashing it diagonally, blood splashing around - Though he didn't seem phased, the accessory was in shambles on the ground, drowning in her blood.

"I don't need Shen Wulong to save me! I only need Ohma! Fuck off away from me, you psycho! I've got nothing to do with any of this!" she managed to evade and run back to the group, stumbling over her feet and coughing blood in her palms. "Kisara, go with Retsudo. I'll hold him off for you." with a shared look between the two lovers, Kisara begrudgingly agreed and ran with Retsudo and Koga in the direction indicated by Himuro who had contacted them. "Well, at least he said The Connector's name. If that is even it." Kisara muttered, still in pain. 

They arrived at Himuro's location, at a small storehouse - Ryuki must be in the conspicuous cellar. As soon as they opened the doors and went down the stairs, the horrible stench of rot, death and decay made them all feel nauseous to hell. "What's that stench...?" Retsudo growled. "It's a deeply ingrained smell of rot. I doubt this was recent." Himuro noted. "I pity Ryuki if he's really here, having to endure this." Kisara hissed in disgust. "I think I'm gonna throw up." Koga almost hurled, but a single look up, and he saw his friend, shackled up and barely conscious. "You're kidding, right? Does that mean this smell is..." with the fire from the lighter, they saw countless bones, as if the whole cellar was made out of cadavers. Awful.

As Kisara checked for Ryuki's vitals, Mukaku led Ohma to the cellar, promising not to attack again. He affirmed that he was a member of the Wowang Syndicate, and it originated from the Worm. Wowang's leader, Dage, was an aide to the Head of the Worm. Dage went independent from the Worm on the Head's orders and formed a commando unit called Wowang. With this happening over 80 years prior, well - The old man was surely over a century old. No wonder he claims to have seen her die so many times. Wowang's purpose was to crush any organization opposing the Worm, and they were so strong that the leader got the ambition of a King and wanted to crush the Head. He began plotting to get rid of the Head of the Worm, and the absolute ruler of the Worm - The Connector, Shen Wulong.

"So Shen Wulong is the original we were copied from?" Ohma asked. "I'm not sure. You and Ryuki are almost like twins, but... You saw Shen yourself, he doesn't look all that much like you guys. Though maybe that's because he's blond and keeping his hair tied." Kisara thought out loud.  "Tell us more about that. Who is the Connector anyway, and why does the Worm follow him?" Retsudo asked the right questions. "Nobody knows how long he's been around." he continued speaking of an old tale about a safe living deep in the mountains of China since the age of myths. The locals believe him immortals, most likely because all of his descendants have taken the name of Shen Wulong. This sage presumably was mostly harmless and barely interacted with people, though on rare occasions, an 'Aberrant individual' emerged, he says. Around 1300 years ago, when the Connector declared war on the Worm, he defeated the then-Head and brought the Worm under his control. He then started a total war with the Wu clan, who were long-tine antagonists of the Worm. They say he beat them decisively. To think that the Worm and the Connector have been going for so many centuries insane - Nothing ever lasted this long.

"So did the Wu split up 1300 years ago because they lost to the Connector?" Ohma asked, pondering. "I don't know what he was thinking. He might've even thought he was bringing God's wrath on the people who annoyed him - So we began getting ready to kill a God." Mukaku continued to speak of an ace in the hole - The Advance, the Possessing Spirit, was based on this thing. They waited for the moment when the Connector was alone to ambush him in an alleyway, but with undeniable ease and grace, the Connector created an outright bloodbath. A one-sided massacre. He swatted down the Five Kings like flies. With Mukaku being the only survivor, he fled to Japan, changed his name and the whole things with the Nikos went on, and he even did Gu Rituals and what not. 

"You knew Ryuki was a clone, didn't you? That's why you took him in." Kisara pointed out. "Yeah, of course. The current Shen Wulong is a clone of his predecessor. The Worm's been engaging in cloning research, in order to make a more perfect 'Connector'. I attacked a Worm cloning research facility and destroyed it. For whatever reason, most attempts to clone Shen Wulong ended in failure. There haven't been any new clones since I destroyed that facility. Which means that Ryuki is the last existing clone. Funny, right? They'll want Ryuki back at any cost. That's why I sent Ryuki to the Kengan Association and had him announce his location to them. Thanks to him, I can kill Shen Wulong this time around! He's made the perfect bait!" though Mukaku was smug, it was Kisara's turn to laugh at him mockingly, all while Koga was so angry that he was trying to punch the old man. 

"You? Beat Shen? Ha! Prostrating King, you say - You're nothing but an old man who wants revenge, that's what you are. Shen's going to swipe the floor with you. Oh - Maybe it is that you get off on being beaten up by him, huh? Is that it?" she taunted him - He deserved it after the pain he caused her. "You little shit..." the man growled, glaring down at her. Ohma had to hold Koga back before he'd overheat from intense rage and bust his fists again.  "Grandpa... You... Were you just using me...?" Ryuki's betrayed voice made Kisara's heart weep. "Huh? Why else would I keep you around?" the disgust and indifference in his voice earned him a punch in the face from Kisara, who went then to boy to hold him in her arms as if he was her child. "The only reason you're still alive today is 'cause you're the clone of the Connector. That piece of shit wants you back no matter what. Then again, I find it hard to believe - How can a weakling like you be one of his clones, huh? What a failure the last clone turned out to be."

"Look at yourself. You've been alive for a century and still can't get anywhere near Shen's level. Pathetic." Kisara hissed at him harshly. "I understand. You're not my grandpa anymore." Ryuki spoke, defeated, feeling the woman's arms holding him in warm and loving embrace like he's never experienced in his entire life. As they helped the boy get out of the cellar, Ryuki told them how his grandpa punched him out of nowhere, imprisoning him in hopes of re-educating him. What a mad man. As they were discussing about what happened, Ohma spoke about wanting to get the hell away from that god-awful place. Though he's seen plenty of strong people, his power was unfathomable and he doesn't want anything to do with him ever again. "Oh, wait - Can you wait a second? I hair pin - It fell to the ground back at the temple. Do you mind if I go quickly to retrieve it?" Kisara stopped abruptly in her tracks. "Are you sure? You can get another. It's dangerous around that bastard." Ohma warned her, though he could see the conflict in her eyes. "You're not returning for the pin, are you?" "I have a weird feeling in my gut. Does that make sense?" Ohma sighed, nodding his head.  "Alright, fine. We'll wait here, but don't take long. If you're not back in 10, I'm coming over for you." Kisara grinned, kissing his cheek. "I'll back before 10." 

----

If only they knew that just as they were escaping, none other than Shen Wulong visited this damn fraud, looking as calm as ever. "Gaoh Mukaku. I want you to give 'Me' back." Shen ordered leisurely. "You nitwit, you're too late. I got rid of your clone a long time ago. My condolences!" Mukaku cackled at him tauntingly. "You're lying." Shen affirmed. "That's not the kind of man you were in my memories. You wouldn't get rid of a bargaining chip for no reason. You'd use any means at your disposal to survive. I remember you well. You used your comrades as shields just so you'd survive. I'm somewhat impressed by how attached to life you are."

"Haha, guess you really love me, huh? But now I'm just the fraud founder of a phony martial art. But what's wrong with being a fraud? I don't give a damn who I am, as long as I can kill you!" Mukaku laughed, bumping the ends of his arm guards. "Is that so?" Shen sighed, crouching to the ground and picking up the broken hair accessory from the ground. The ornaments on it were scattered in the blood, but it was nothing that couldn't be repaired. Though he wasn't one to get emotional, Shen felt rather pissed off. "You're going to die." he said, comparing himself to the immune system of a single large organism. "I can hear the earth telling me to eliminate you."

Mukaku thought he slashed in two at the Connector, he missed entirely without him even moving at all. He tried multiple tricks, activating booby traps planted throughout the temple, using swift assassination methods, but Shen threw him of with the flick of a single finger. "You're strong, I admit. I assume only a handful of the people close to me would be able to beat you." Mukaku hid inside the temple. "Hey, I haven't finished complimenting you yet. The first backhand punch was a good move. You drew my attention to your gauntlets while throwing iron pellets at me, and those were pretty powerful. They could kill a man if they landed right." he said nonchalantly, not bothering to move an inch. "Splintering the wall to blind me was a good move, too. Personally, I would've thrown in a few iron pellets in the splinters - If they landed, that's a few free hits." Mukaku was angry beyond belief. "You pretended you'd face me with martial arts only to use hidden weapons, duck and hide, sneak around and scheme. You were prepared for me, weren't you? I admire your tenacity."

Through the thin wall of the temple, Mukaku tried to impale Shen with a lance - The tip of it, of course, was pinched easily between his fingers. "Very meticulous. You should be long past your physical prime by now. I assume you're doping to make up for your declining muscles and reflexes, aren't you? It's a miracle that you're alive at your age." he spoke simply. "But that is one fortune that Ruyi was never blessed with." Mukaku could feel his heart stop in fear. He fucked up. "No, no, don't worry, it's not just for today, but for every time you hurt her, that I'm going to enjoy playing with you." Mukaku was unable to say a single thing, watching how easy it was for the Connector to pinch the blade away. "Ah, just so we're clear, I don't have Superman Syndrome. This isn't about power, it's about technique. One second thought, maybe even that's not the right word either. Principles? Yeah sounds right - All I'm doing is holding down the point of the force - Anyone can do that if they know how it works. No, wait, maybe Ruyi couldn't. I wouldn't want her to cut her delicate hands. She always gets papercuts." he hummed out of nowhere, as the long handle of the spear broke, and he smirked. "I'm so angry that I want to play with you a bit longer. I'll give you the chance to kill me." 

He's just getting more and more dangerous, Mukaku realised, freaking out - What the hell kind of monster is he anyway? "Hmm, will this do?" Shen hummed, cracking his fingers. "I've relocated my tendons and suppressed my muscle power output. I also limited my joints' range of motions. I brought my neuro-transmission speed down to the lowest setting and shut down some of my brain's circuits." Shen smiled, ready to destroy the man before him. "I've come down to your level. Let me enjoy this moment. Don't die yet, okay?" with that, Shen punched Mukaku the hell away from him.  Mukaku tried again to get up and attack, but was struck down with a simple arm sweep. "Too slow. Your body's awfully sluggish - You're almost not worth killing. Are these your senses in action? They must be a real handicap." Mukaku kicked a loose board from the ground, hitting Wulong in the chin and trying to beat him down into the ground with the Ironbreaker, only to get sent flying by the man who easily liberated himself. "Not bad, not bad at all, Mukaku." Shen smirked, wiping the blood off his face. "You wanna have another go? Or should I end this already?" he dug his hands in his pockets once again. "Hmm, I'm picking up an exceptional hatred from you - Shouldn't that be the other way around? I know what you've done today. But choice, really." he hummed, not twitching a single muscle. "Maybe you hate my former self for killing your comrades in Wowang? But I thought they were just total strangers to you." "Before that. Dig a little deeper into you memories." Mukaku struggled to speak between his panting. "Hmmm~?" after a few seconds of deep thinking and pondering, Wulong finally gasped theatrically with a lightbulb realisation. "You're that boy!" Mukaku's vendetta against Shen Wulong started in China, about 85 years ago.

The Connector once had three groups under his command - The Worm, the Westward Faction and the Dragon Tribe, who were descendants of Long Min, the Hero of the Chu Kingdom in the Spring and Autumn period. They were friends, sharing the same name of the dragon, yet Shen Wulong felt betrayed. Long Yi disagreed with the Worm research involving the cloning - Though he didn't mind the Huisheng reincarnations. Cloning is a violation of the natural order, a heresy.  Shen Wulong didn't want to kill his friend - All of the Dragon Tribe was already dead. Of course, the old friend wasn't going to retreat, that was the way of the general. He allowed Long Yi to attack while his back was turned, but just like the others, he fell dead, to the ground, with a single strike. In spite of his quick death, Long Yi managed to leave Wulong's first injury in years. The only man left standing was Long Xiu, a young warrior of 15 years old, who would later be known as Gaoh Mukaku. Long Xiu was Long Yi's grandson. It was then that the current Shen Wulong realised that the Wowang Syndicate conspired against him, all instigated by Mukaku.

"Yi was a good man, but he made one mistake - He didn't kill a bastard like you." Mukaku attacked him with the Long clan secret technique, Dragon's Maw Fist, but of course, it did nothing. "Awe, man, you're a real two-timer." "Oh shut up, fuck-wit!! I'd turn to the Gods and the Demons if they'd help me kill you!!" Mukaku growled at him. "Aaaaand you've lost me. I've had enough of this." Shen rolled his eyes, bored out of his mind with his repetitive antics. All of a sudden, a rustle was heard, and a few soft footsteps followed. "Hey, psycho geezer, did you steal my pin? I know I used it to slash your face, but - You've gotta hand it to me, it's your fault you attacked me! I just defended myself! ... My spine still hurts like hell though. If I need spine surgery because of you, I'll sue you for ten generations." Shen's eyes widened, and he turned his head to see the beautiful young woman struggling to step through the rubbles of the destroyed temple. As soon as she rose her head to look for the old man, she saw not only him, but Shen also - The shock and fright were evident on her face, and she looked like a deer surrounded by predators. "I... Should not have returned. I, uh... I-... I'll leave. Bye!" panicked, she tried to leave the temple immediately - She was, thankfully, just at the entrance, though even there, she unknowingly stepped on a trap that would be slashed her to fish-bite pieces, were it not for a strong force tackling her to the ground. "Sh-Shen...?" she gulped, feeling his strong arms keeping her safe and shielded from danger. Looking up, she saw the overly sharp piano wires that would have easily cut her in pieces as if she was a Happy Tree Friends character. "Oh my god, you psycho, what the hell is this?! You almost killed me - Again!" her body's reaction was to spring away from Wulong's arms and run the hell away - But he didn't let her.

"I can't believe my bait returned willingly. You thought yourself smart, but you died a fucking dumbass each and every time. It's your fault you died, you know? And his, for not protecting you." Mukaku put on a gas mask and readied his sword. "I almost shattered your spine, and you return for a hair pin? Ha! You deserve to die, woman." Kisara squeaked in fear as Mukaku, with incredible swiftness, brought down the sword, ready to slash her and Shen where they stood - But somehow, defying the laws of physics was a regular thing for the Connector, who kept her safe, held by one arm to his chest, his hand placed over her mouth and nose as if to prevent her from breathing, while the other hand caught the blade.  "Terrible decision, really." Shen glared at Mukaku. "Not even close." "Yeah, you're right - But this should do the trick!" Mukaku used Indestructible on the blade, cutting Wulong's hand into bleeding. "Shen - You're bleeding! Let go of the blade!" Kisara managed to speak through his fingers.

"Don't worry about me. Try to keep from breathing as much as you can. This cheap bastard flooded the room with Carbon Monoxide. It's just one thing after another." as instructed, Kisara picked up the handkerchief from her sleeve and pressed it to his face to help him with the breathing."Very kind of you - But I'm fine. I don't need to breathe. Use it for yourself, Ruyi." Shen told Mukaku that the man who killed his clan was his previous iteration, and some illogical shit about stopping the breathing process, to slow the aging process. He then easily got up, throwing away the sword and kicking him in the face. "Did you seriously think you could outdo us? How asinine." Shen used the sword to impale Mukaku's shoulder. "Running away? You don't have that privilege anymore. I told you - I've grown tired of you." "Are you sure you wanna kill me?! If I die, Ryuki dies too! I'm the only one who knows where he is! Are you just gonna let yourself die?!" Mukaku spat, desperate to live. "Ryuki's safe with us! Stop lying, you jerk!" Kisara soon started coughing - The Monoxide was beginning to take effect. "How come you're so obsessed over Ryuki anyway?! Ain't Tokita Ohma one of your clones too?! Why does it gotta be Ryuki?!" Mukaku was, no doubt, trying to prolong his suffering. "Hey, don't you dare bring my husband into this! He already died once, I don't need you getting him in another situation, you bastard!" Kisara hissed at him. "Besides - Don't act as if you ever cared for Ryuki! You're just an evil man. A traitor." "Oh man. Yan's gonna give me hell for everything I've done lately. Well - You're gonna be dead anyway, so there's no harm in telling you!" Shen sighed in realisation. "W-Wait! Don't say it! I don't want to die because of his curiosity!" the woman stepped backwards, gulping slightly. "...Don't worry. I don't think you'd get it, even if I told you." he smiled condescendingly down at Mukaku. "Tokita Ohma... Is not me." "HUH?!" Mukaku was on the ground, bleeding heavily. "Wait, hold the GODDAMN PHONE! What the hell are you talking about?! You can't expect me to believe that bullshit! I mean - Have you seen the guy?! He's the spitting image of Ryu...?!" Gaoh gasped loudly, as Shen was vibing with a dark, killing aura. "Yeah, I think you've figured it out by now." with an effortless swing of his wrist, Shen snapped Mukaku into pieces. "So die." Kisara had to jump back behind Shen, so all the blood wouldn't splatter on her. "Three times. You're the first person who's made three attempts on my life, and on Ruyi's. Looks like third time wasn't the charm, after all."

Shen turned around, throwing away the blade, looking down at the woman who looked uncomfortable and outright fearing him. "Ruyi." he called out, before quickly correcting himself. "No, sorry - You're called Kisara now, right? Kisara. I won't mistake it again." he gently put a finger under her chin, raising it up to make her look at him. "What do you see?" Though he could see the fear in her eyes, there was also deep confusion, and he couldn't blame her. There were far too many things to find out, in a single day, out of which few made sense. "I still don't think you look like Ohma at all." the comment earned a small huff of amusement from him. "So... Are you going to kill me, now that I know your secret about Ohma?" Shen didn't say anything - Instead, he retriever the pin from his pocket, along with all the broken accessories. "Did it save you?" Though Kisara had no idea why he'd change the subject like that, she nodded nonetheless. "Yeah. I... I used your name to get a rise out of him, hoping he'd tell us where Ryuki was without a fight. But, uhm... He threatened to use me as bait and kill me in front of you. For the... Fifth time, he said. Or, uh... Maybe he just meant he knew I died four times during his life. I'm not sure. He was weird." he uncomfortably scratched the back of her neck. "I was weak. I couldn't evade his attacks and he grabbed me. Slammed be to the ground, tried to punch my guts out. Before he could though, I slashed away at his face and ran away." she hung her head down, feeling guilty looking at the beautiful yet broken accessory. "I'm sorry. I know it must have meant a lot for you, and I broke it." "A pin isn't worth more than your life, silly girl." he spoke with an amused tone. "I'll just get it repaired and return it. It's yours, not mine."

"But, Shen - It means nothing to me. Ruyi means nothing to me. Maybe you believe that it's my reincarnation, in the real sense, not the Huisheng sense - But even so, you're the only one who knows of Ruyi, and... All my supposed past selves." she explained softly. "That could be solved. I remember every incarnation you had - Or at least those who managed to live past a certain age. Unfortunately, there weren't all that many." Kisara looked down, feeling a weird pang of pain in her chest. "I have to go, Shen. I'm sorry." she looked into his eyes. "I will accept the pin, if you want me to have it... And I'll keep the secret to myself, even though I didn't understand it at all. I don't want to die, but more than that, I don't want Ohma, nor my friends to die." she sighed, extending her hand towards him. "But Shen - I am married. And I love Ohma more than I love life itself." Instead of looking or even emanating anger or any negative emotion, Shen smiled, placing the pin in her hand, closing it for her. "As long as you're happy."

A loud gasp of complete and utter shock resounded through the desolated temple, and a man who looked similar, but much prettier than Xia Ji was looking at the two with huge eyes. Realising he was someone strong and important to the Worm, Kisara instinctively tried to step away, only for her back to his Shen's.

"What's wrong, Yan? Cat got your tongue?" Shen asked, oblivious. "Oh, come on, gimme a break! How'd you get injured?!" this Yan crumbled to the ground, having a mental crisis. "Something weighing you down?" Shen asked, even more confused. "You are, you moron." Yan groaned pitifully. "U-Uhm... Mr. Yan?" Kisara spoke in a mousy voice. "Shen got injured because of me. Forgive me." she crouched to his level, putting a gentle hand on his arm and helping him up. "After all the shit he's pulled over the years, this is how he ends up. Pathetic." that man, the Other Tokita Niko, gruffed at Mukaku's corpse. "Oh no, what have you done?! What's with her?!" Yan's overreaction made her step back away from him again. "Uhm... I-I think I should get going." she stole a look at the Connector, seeking permission to get the hell away from there. "Yeah, sure. Take care." Kisara didn't need another word, she was already rushing away - Only for a man looking around her age or younger, with the obvious Kure eyes, blocked her exit, towering over her. A lankier man, just like him, trailed just behind. "Gilbert, what crawled up Yan's ass and died?" so this was Gilbert Wu. Kisara felt surrounded by what seemed to be the whole Small Council of the Connector, as if she was in Game of Thrones or something. She looked at Shen again, waiting for him to give the signal for Gilbert to step away from the exit so she could bolt off. "Ah, yeah - I know this really good jeweller for that pin. He should repair it in a week or so." "Lovely!" Kisara forced a smile. "I, uh -- See ya!" she bolted the hell away.

Thankfully, on the way back, she met Ohma who was already rushing her way. "No questions. Let's run the hell away. I'll tell you when we get out of the Inside. My brain is imploding." Ohma blinked, perplex, but questioned nothing. "Fine. Let's go."

Thankfully, they managed to get the hell away from this awful place, and while Retsu and Himuro took care of Ryuki, while Ohma, Kisara and Koga went to the manager's office. Here, they were greeted with open arms, and great news on TV - The Kengan Anti-Worm Alliance was going splendidly, and most of them, even the officers, were either killed or detained. The Worm Purge was going quickly. 

"Wait, is it over then?" Koga gasped, looking at the TV. "It's not." the woman gulped. "The Connector is alive. His subordinates are alive. The Other Tokita Niko is alive. Gilbert Wu is alive." she bit her lip hard. "Ohma, you said Gaoh Mukaku was a monster. The Monster is Shen Wulong. He toyed with Mukaku like he was a ragdoll. He outright destroyed him." "You met the Connector again?" Kisara nodded. "I don't know how I'm still alive, but by the Gods alive, there's nothing scarier than being surrounded by those guys." finally, she could sit down - Her legs felt like giving out. "We've got a lot of problems on our side - And, Ohma - Shen said something weird. I don't quite get the implication, but... He said... You are not HIS clone, but Ryuki is."  "Wait, but Ohma and Ryuki look the same, don't they?" Ohma, Kisara, Koga, Yamashita, Kaede and Rin all looked at each other with wide, scared eyes. 

Is there more than one Connector out there?!

< Previous Chapter

[spacecadetspe]

A snippet from last year...

Sept. 9, 2023

I'm fully aware of my fallbacks and breaking points.  That being said, it came as a surprise that Aset's incarnation decided to comment on a particularly vulnerable post I made on one of my social media accounts about one of my trauma responses.  The gist of it is that I know my story, my truths, are fantastical, even unbelievable.  It's this knowledge that drives me to work as hard as I do, even to exhaustion; I don't feel like people will believe in me except in that I am reliable when it comes to work.

Her reply lacked any insight I had not already considered; that my reputation is more at risk when I overextend myself and suddenly don't have the energy I need to complete a task, and that I should "know myself" so to speak and recognize where I have the proverbial "spoons" for what is asked of me before I comply.

What set me off was that this very incarnation of hers was the one who rejected me as a spiritual teacher, simply because in my application I came to her with my very vulnerable truths and trauma.  I'm human.  I have trauma.  And I thought honesty would work in my favor instead of having it turned on me like I'm less knowledgable, less reliable as an instructor.  So it was extremely difficult for me to find any compassion for someone who literally triggers that very trauma response to her benefit.

So I came home seething and tired from aches and pains that had plagued me on and off through the week.  I tried to calm myself down and play checkers with W, but that backfired.  He was asking me repeated questions about why we had taken his phone and why he had to do chores, etc.  So I had him sit down and write out what his expenses would be if he were living alone.  Who was going to pay for his car?  Who was going to do his laundry, his dishes, or clean up after him?  

"A maid," he replied.

"Where will you get the money?"

"I'll work with Daddy."

I told him flat-out that a salary like X's doesn't pay for maids.  Or a Bugatti.  Or any of the lifestyle he wants.  And no one he currently relies on is going to be around forever.  He needs to know how to survive before that happens.  But at some point during the conversation, he covered his face.  By now I know that means he's stopped listening, and that just activated the trigger I was trying to calm down from again.

Fortitude appeared and allowed me a break, and I retreated to my bedroom to have a private meltdown.  I drew my weighted blanket up around my shoulders and let it push down on me, and I began talking, just to air all the things that were bothering me.

"I want someone to believe me.  I want to not feel this.  I want to get out of this vicious cycle and be someone new.  I want to be understood.  I want my friends back.  I want Phobetor."

I felt him appear, and I started sobbing.  I told him I couldn't do this anymore, break myself down anymore and pretend I was doing fine.  I begged him not to disappear again, and told him that I needed him in my life, in whatever capacity that meant.  

To my surprise, he drew me in and held me.  That only made me cry harder.  I missed him so much...

I told him the trigger cycle I was in, and he asked, "What made you call me?"

I thought about it seriously for a moment.  "Because... you walked through fire for me at one point, and I don't know where that changed.  It hurt that you somehow took every affection I'd shown you and turned it into something... that abhors my very existence."

He sat at the edge of the bed and pondered this.  "I wasn't aware this had hurt you so badly."

I told him of all the times I'd expressed my truth, only to turn around and somehow be made into a villain... a monster... a crazy or dangerous person... and how that had impacted my ability to survive.  How X had taken my beliefs and gaslit me.  How I'd been ostracized by my peers and bullied in middle school.  How I had been trapped in multiple relationships because I was too scared or felt too powerless to leave the person who had emotionally held me hostage.

He shook his shaggy head and looked at me with his glistening black eyes.  "So... why did you call me?  I recall... doing precisely that."

I paused, not sure I was willing to tell him.  "Because... I knew what you were going through; a crisis of identity.  And I wanted you to know that I still don't want that person to change."

"Why not?"

I glanced at him over my weighted blanket, eyes still red and wet with tears.  "What is life without 'reasonable fear'?" I asked.

He considered me, and then nodded.  "There's no survival mechanism."

I nodded back.  "Every being becomes infinitely more reckless, fighting to take up space, to greet, to breed... throwing themselves at danger regardless of consequence.  'A reasonable fear' sustains existence."

He harrumphed.  "I'm no angel, Hope."

"No, that's exactly what you are.  You're one of us.  'God Sustains'."

He looked at the wall across my room.  "And you... love this person."  It wasn't a question.

"Yes."  I wiped my face.  "What did you expect when I came out to greet you that day?  To have a spear in hand, ready to slay you like St. George and the dragon?"

He nodded briefly.  "And instead, you sang to me."

"Yes."  I shifted uncomfortably and he reached out again.

He picked up what looked like a thin, sharp wire.  "You're bleeding," he noticed.  "This is probably why you've been so tired lately.  You should go to the infirmary tonight."

"I don't want you to leave."

"They may not allow me in, Hope."

"Then will you stay with me until then?"

"Should I lie down with you?"

"I don't care.  I just don't want you to go."

He sat with me until the moment passed, and I got up and went back to my family.

I learned, after a bit, that the razor wire he had started pulling off me was cutting into my skin and causing me to hemorrhage energy from different places on my body, most notably the center of my chest, my right temple, and my throat.  No matter how I pulled at it to alleviate my discomfort, it continued to wrap around me until I was in enough pain to have physical reactions, and was exhausted from the blood loss.  

I gave most of the wire I found to my friend Eitri, a dwarf, who could likely put it to better use than I would, but I still knew I had to find the root of the problem before I got stuck in another vicious loop.  It felt like I was constantly walking into a sharpened spiderweb... and then I'd suddenly feel a sharp pain in my head or my back, and the mati Phantasos had given me would start ringing shrilly.

When mati cause ringing in the ears, it means there's something evil around.  And I was not disappointed.  I've called angels and aspects to defend me, Harmony and Reckoning to counter, and I've gone to battle numerous times, enough to know that no amount of fighting is going to help me win against this monster.  

I'm tired.  I don't want to fight anymore.  I already know who it is, and I'm sure whoever is listening out there is tired of me thinking I'm X's victim.  Fortitude says "He can't do anything.  You're Hope, aren't you?"  Sure.  But saying he can't do anything is just untrue.  He can and does still hurt me.  Just because he can't stop me doesn't mean he can't make me suffer.

Mother offered me a vision of the sea, and me being the captain of a ship, as she says I'm captain of my own peace.  I was attacked by a flotilla and managed to come out with more ships and more crew than I went in with.  I told them I would behead one crew member every thirty seconds until they told me where their admiral was.  A few put up a good show of loyalty, crying "I'm the admiral!" before I executed them.  One finally looked around at the carnage and pled for me to stop, and took me to his commanding officer.

"Why did you attack me?" I asked.

He started listing off all the reasons I was the most dangerous person alive, and I shook my head.

"So you came into this fight knowing that if you struck first, I'd strike back and win."  I gestured to his crew.  "Look at what you've done.  All this loss of life, because you couldn't just let me exist."

His minions began to shift into grotesque forms, corrupted by their officer.  "What life?" he asked.

"So you're using them," I said.

He shook his head.  "Nobody forced them to do this."

"That doesn't change the fact that you're using them."  I looked back at him.  "I could've taught you something.  I could have meant something... besides being a caged animal.  And the fact that you put your pride and your honor before being kind and empathetic just shows how stupid you are."

Mother finally intervened.  "You're trying to reason with something that can't be reasoned with," she said.

I sighed and nodded... and executed the fleet's admiral.  I had my crew cannibalize what they needed from the flotilla, and invited the enemy crew to join me.  Those who did survived.  I stranded those who didn't.

It's all well and good, but I can't do that here.  I can't kill my attacker.  I can't make him stop.  The funny thing is... I don't even wish him ill.  I just want him to leave me alone, and be able to let my guard down and not think about him anymore.  I'd love that.  Just to be able to be with no interference.  Maybe he and I could have been friends if that were so.  But no, I had to tell him my truth and teach him my ways.  I taught him to project his will like this... I earned these scars from trusting too deeply.

And it infuriated me that Fortitude tried to reiterate those empty platitudes; that I'm Hope, and I can do anything, and I'm away from that place and can live my life free from this.

But not while he's still capable of bullying me.  Taking potshots at me from afar and then pretending nothing's wrong.  I would absolutely love it if X were just... someone else's problem for awhile, and not mine.  Thanatos would be a better keeper than me.  But how he gets to that point is out of my hands.

[jesus-imagines]

Pray with Me Lord

I must confess....

Okay this is pretty hard to type. I don't actually go to church. And I haven't for a long time. I used to go religiously, it was my whole life. Buuuut.. Me and the congregation gradually had some disagrreements :( .

I find it hard to speak of what the disagreements were about, so I will not go into detail but it was something they had lots of trouble getting their heads around and I ended up having to leave. You know how theological debates go.. Sigh. This is really saddening to type out because I wish it were not this way and I would love to go to a church where people can be more even-handed about conversations and beliefs. We all believe the same basic things, right?

Well anyway. I kind of am now known as "the guy who argues" and other churches are now reluctint to welcome me in.. It really hurts. This is one thing I find very scary about the way some people use the Bible & God's Word. If you leave a church for any reason..... You realize everyone is kicking you out.. They get pressured to also see you as the problem guy when they're the 1s inventing the problems.... It is very... isolating.... And not an act of love, tough or not... It is just cruel... We should build each other up :( . We should help each other see what our problems may be.

Don't get me wrong. I was seriously questioning myself and pondering if I was right or not, because it's like. So many people who disagreed with me firmly. But I felt the Lord telling me to believe in my selff... it is sad to know this, and see how many in the congregation feel pressured to agree that I'm all wrong. Bleh... I'll get better.. I sometimes have friends over for friend-church but they like going to a proper house of God and community. Well, I like community too.. :(

So pray with me.

Jesus. I need your strength oh Lord. I know you believe in me & my cpabilities for sharing your love with this messed up world. I try my best, as always. There will be fruitful returns in the future someday. I wait for it gracefully & patiently. Lord please grant me the patience and strength to deal with this trial in my life. Your Love will shine thru in the end... Amen

[thedysphoriadiaries]

30 August 2023, 11:42pm

the pale blue dot.

It was the last thing Voyager One sent back to Earth.

It's the epitome of the storm in the teacup.

Two minutes to midnight. Our journey to our lunar counterpart.

All that has happened - every great symphony and art piece composed, every threat of annihilation - everything, and everyone for the next few generations, will all be on that pale blue dot.

I look at myself in the mirror. My reflection stares back. I have come a long way from that sharp-jawed person. I still dislike my likeness being captured on camera, but still...

Nothing changed, maybe apart from the quelling of the desire to be a girl - as it does, but I'm unsure if it will come back - from other more important things in my life, such as my aging grandfather, and the acceptance that I still have a whole life ahead of me to live, whether I want to or not.

The storm in the teacup.

In a way, we are all ghosts, born into shells made not of our own design, but of the design and volition of others.

I never asked to be born!

I told my mother that, one night. She was hurt. I felt nothing. Just anger. Come to think about it, I really only said that when I was 14-16 or so.

If existence was just unfortunate mishap after unfortunate mishap, then what was the point of living? What's the point of living if I could just lose my sight somewhere down the line? At age 20, my eyes require 9 diopters of correction - 900 'degrees' - because of ROP, and the laser surgery that I was subject to as a baby. I wonder how much longer it will take for my eyes to just... give up working.

One thing they don't tell you about corrective lenses for myopia is how they shrink things. Even with lenses that fit my prescription, I find that the lowermost layer of characters on those eye strength charts are often shrunken beyond visibility for me.

Those are things I will never get back. Ever.

Having lived through those things, I told my brother to take care of his eyes, years ago.

He didn't listen, like everyone else. It's why he wears glasses today, like me.

I suffer through some things outside of my control, warn others out of the good of my heart, and nobody listens.

Why won't they listen?

Why?

Don't do anything with your partner, you don't want to become a father at this age.

男人跟男人坐，女人跟女人坐。(Let the men sit with men, and women sit with women.)

Mom would always say that when we were outside, eating with other people. She just said that yesterday, when we were at IKEA.

I don't understand why she must be like this, but maybe, that is a result of my privilege - look on the dark side of this site to find out the sexism that the girls in my country (hell, any country) have to deal with. People advertising 'sets' of material that involve girls masturbating, having sex, etc.

If those are the depths into which toxic masculinity could delve into, I wish to have no part in that.

Why not healthy masculinity?

It's a question I've been pondering for a while now. I'm trying to imagine a world where instead of oppressing, we use our strength to protect. To nurture. Would I still want to be a guy, then?

It's a question I find hard to answer. I'll go sleep on it.

I'm sick of having nothing to offer to my friends. No thoughts about the experiences I have. A brain that - while smart - is just too slow, and unable to see the deeper meanings behind other peoples' words, intentions, and advice.

Even after working a couple jobs, I don't feel like I've grown, and I don't have that drive to do so. Self-agency scares me, too much, for my own good.

...

Either way, seeing as how I'm starting to feel like I was back in 2018 and 2019, I know what I am, for now, at least: a boy who wants to be a girl, or at least, not a guy.

Am I stupid for wanting to be something I was not born as? Maybe. Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh might say that I will forever be a boy. Male. And that's true. I will forever have the chromosomal makeup of a male. No amount of hormones, wishes, stardust, dressing, and mannerisms will change the fact that my chromosomes make me male (my birthright).

Is womb envy true? Is penis envy true? Maybe. But I don't have the energy - nor time - to talk or think about these sexist concepts. I just want clarity, the clarity that I thought estrogen would have provided.

Yet, it muddied the waters for me. I still feel some measure of anxiety over the feeling of something being in my chest. Sure, I don't feel like cutting it out, but I don't know what to feel about it either. There's no way of knowing if it was the right choice, if choices can even be right or wrong in the first place. A part of me feels like I've triggered something that will slowly destroy my true self. Another part of me doesn't really mind. But I'm still aware of its existence, either way.

Anyway, this shall be part of the experiment. I shall go through National Service (NS), and see how my self-image changes. Maybe, I will find something of use there.

If I could handle Scouts, I can handle conscription.

keine zeit für schwächlichkeit. ich muss stärke zeigen.

Reißen dich zusammen, Fluffy.

Yet... I can't help but wonder...

...

have I lost my way?

...

very cool song:

[iznsfw]

"I can't believe this... its actually happening..."

I couldn't stand seeing her crying her heart out. "Its not the end. Its a new start for everyone. Everyone will do something good or better. You, especially, will do something greater Chaewon".

She's looking at me with tears in her eyes, "Are you sure... I can't think of a day without them. I-" her tears didn't stop.

I pull her for a hug, "I am sure of it. You're all wonderful and great. Nothing will be the only thing in your way". Tightly, she clasp her hands on my shirt. Not wanting to let go.

- 1 month later-

"I saw your photoshoot. You look pretty in it".

"Really?!?! I was confident with myself but I honestly think Eunbi unnie killed it," she said while fiddling with her straw.

"Hey, you and Eunbi have different charming points. And honestly, your just about right," I hold her hand and smile.

She gave me a disgusted look followed with a cute giggle, "If you say so, it must be right."

-1 month later-

" I'm changing company... I'm a bit scared but I wanted a changed..." she looks down on her feet. Was it a sad face? No, something else is on her mind.

"Hmmmm I think its a great decision. We move on to improve. No need to hold onto the same forever," assuring her.

She plays with my fingers. Her eyebrows scrunch while pondering and our eyes met, "Changing company means new rules. New rules mean, new prohibition... Meaning we can't meet up..."

I was surprised but decided not to show it. I look at our hands, holding each other loosely before looking back at her with a smile, "Well, we could text each other and phone calls when we miss each other."

-The next day-

A text came in from Chaewon

"Can't we meet up... I miss you :'("

"I miss you more. You have to stay strong Chaewon. I know you can do it. I love you Kim Chaewon"

"Okay... but I love you more ;p"

- A few months later-

I was scrolling through Instagram when I saw Chaewon with Bang PD. She looks pretty and gave her call, "I saw a photo of you. Guess you're going back to your long black hair. You look really pretty," I couldn't hold my excitement. " I'm guessing a debut is coming soon."

"...", a pause from her and it got me worried " its a secret. I can't say anything."

"Hey... Are you okay? Something wrong? Are feeling sick".

"No, just a bit tired".

"Owh, you should rest. Sorry if I'm disrupting your schedule. Talk to you soon." We hung up.

- A few weeks later -

Le Sserafim 4th member reveal, CHAEWON. I check our text message

" I met Eunbi the other day. She said you're working hard and pushing yourself. Don't go too hard and hurt yourselves. Whatever it is, I'm here, supporting and ready to cheer you up "

A message from a month ago. Left unread. "I guess she's doing greater. Seeing her cut her hair, that's good sign," I smiled, moving to my next destination.

- Flashback -

"Stop it. It tickles." I nuzzle on her neck while back hugging her and she giggles before continuing her sentence "Btw meet Michelle, my new partner," flaunting her 'partner'.

"Hello Michelle, I think I might have to report you because you're making Chaewon exceptionally beautiful," we laugh our hearts out.

"Aren't you liking my new hair too much mister. Its a shame that its just a wig," she pout.

"You can always grow your hair. I love you either way but this look, it gives me feelings that I never knew I had," I hold her tightly. She laugh and so did I.

"Since you like it so much, I'll grow my hair. Just for you. And I won't cut it since you love it so much," she says while looking at me with her round eyes.

- 🍻

.........

🍻 Anon Writer Debut When?!

[crowley-in-arkham]

Rook is right. I'll admit that outright.

I agreed to coffee, as opposed to lunch: and Rook seemed excited.

He offered to drive all the way to Albus City just for coffee, which- Is somewhat inane to me. He said that there's a fantastic little cafe down there dedicated to birds and that he'd tell me all about the city on the way.

He suggested it'd be good for me to get out of Gotham for a while and give me a chance to learn how to live with my new-- arrangement. I'm hesitant to try to rid myself of these, uh, wings, perse.

I sleep on my stomach or side usually, so sleeping hasn't been a bother: but my wardrobe and driving have been impacted incredibly.

I'm relearning to balance, the wings force my posture upright, and my abs constantly hurt from trying not to fall backward.

Jon noticed, well, everyone noticed. Gotham isn't a popular place for metahumans to live for-- obvious reasons. I still need to learn what Stranges' concoction awoke within me.

"Livin' up to Crow, are we?" Crane asked with a chuckle, folding his arms and scanning my wings with a flick of his eyes.

"Unintentionally," I sighed, "Side effect of the formula, I presume."

Jon rubbed his chin and pondered, "Hm, physical mutation? Interesting. I suppose Luthor is onto something in terms of that mystery substance after all."

I tilted my head, "The what?"

Rook must've overheard, as he approached with a wave, "Mornin' Crane."

"Rook," Jon greeted with a nod, "You're becomin' a bit more interactive as a' late."

"Been more necessary than usual."

"Mn," Jon looked back at me, "I heard Tetch freaked out when he saw ya."

I sighed, "A shame, really. I wonder what has him bothered."

Rook looked at Jon, "I'm bringing Crowley down to Albus for a few days."

"Tell Arkham," Jon raised a brow, "Why?"

"Albus has designated flight schools for metahumans," Rook said flatly, "With her change, she'll need the training."

Jon snickered, "Why don't you do it?"

I tilted my head and looked at Rook. Whose mouth formed a hard line, and his brows furrowed hard.

"Boy, I've read your file top to bottom; it should come naturally for ya, shouldn't it? Or is this human get-up more yer speed?"

I snapped, "Seriously, Jon? Again?"

Rook took a breath and chuckled, softening his expression, "I'm Avian; you're absolutely right. I just play normie to keep people comfortable."

Jon looked at him with a small amount of surprise, "I didn' think you'd admit that aloud."

Rook shrugged, "Gotham isn't known for its metahuman hospitality; being from Albus alone was enough to make job hunting just about impossible."

Jon looked at him with a piqued curiosity: "Where in Albus ya from anyway?"

"Coalsgrove."

"Grow up there?"

"Right up until the blaze."

"Must've been rough," Jon narrowed his eyes and relaxed into his stance, "'Fraid of fire?"

"Not too scared of much, Crane."

Jon chuckled, "Sure, sure. Well, the two of you have fun down in Albus city."

Jon brushed the hair from my face, "And Mina, don't fly too close to the sun, woul'dya? I'd rather not see you in a coffin. Hand me your apartment keys."

I tilted my head, only for Jon to add, "To feed yer cat."

"Oh!" I pulled my keys from my pocket and plucked my house key from the ring, "Thank you, Jon."

"Jus returnin' a favor."

"I'll have her home in one piece, old man."

"You'd better, feathers. I make a habit a' scaring birds, after all."

"Jon," I asked meekly, "What do you know about Albus?"

"Never been."

"Oh, I see," I smiled, "If I go again, I'll bring you."

Jon smiled and chuckled, "Sure, why not?"

Jon walked by Rook and I with a small smile on his wrinkled features.

Rook sighed and motioned for me to come with him, "The drive ain't too bad, let's talk to Arkham and get you set and ready to go."

I smiled and nodded, walking beside Rook to Arkham's office. Arkham feels small walking next to both Rook and Jon, they remind me how short I am by just being nearby.

I closed my wings tight to me, trying to take up as little space as possible, when Rook rested a palm on my shoulder, "I might have to ask you some weirdly personal questions about the change, just to let you know."

I nodded, "Yeah, that's not a problem."

When we neared Arkham's office, Rook knocked, stepped in, had a short interaction with Jeremiah, and stepped out to me again.

"You're all set to go. He's gonna have Jon cover your duties in the meantime."

"Thanks, Rook."

"If you ever feel uncomfortable, just let me know," Rook smiled, "I don't want to freak you out."

"I appreciate the gesture."

"Yeah," he beamed, "Of course!"

When we walked down the stairs Rook somewhat chuckled, "I'll teach you how to tuck and wrap your wings too, it can be prudent to keep them out of sight in Gotham."

I sighed, "Is it really that bad here?"

"Just rather you didn't get grounded."

"Grounded?"

"You know," he made a pair of scissors with his fingers.

I shivered at the thought.

"Even Albus has it's issues on the matter, but most metas live pretty normal lives there," Rook shrugged, "It is the metahuman hub of America, after all."

"It makes Gotham sound like hell."

"Albus is like, Metahuman Utopia—since the Surge, anyway. The reputation tends to keep a lot of the bigots out. I'm sure you'll love Haven, I'll bring you by the hero museum since it's only a few blocks from the Aviary."

"I guess lunch turned into vacation."

Rook laughed, pushing back a messy mass of black bangs, "I guess so! There's just a lot to see in Albus City."

As we neared the entrance, Bolton stopped us.

"Rook? Where are you–" Bolton stopped to stare at me, "Another fucking basketcase metahuman? As if Gotham didn't have enough of those wackjobs."

I snapped, "You know what Bolton? Maybe if you weren't such a power-hungry bigoted asshole you'd actually get laid."

I folded my arms, "Rook, we don't owe shithead here an explanation."

Rook looked at me with surprise, "I- uh–" he turned to Bolton, "We already got approved by Dr. Arkham, we're going to Albus to get Crowley a flight license."

Bolton narrowed his eyes and scowled at me, "Fine, but this is going on your history as a strike this month, Rook. Don't let it happen again."

With that Bolton turned on his heel and strode off. Rook let out a sigh and murmured under his breath: "I fuckin' hate that guy."

Rook's car is a hardy one, a tall matte black jeep with tinted windows and an aggressive looking grill guard.

I raised a brow and looked at him.

"I promise I'm not compensating," Rook chuckled, "I use this for work too."

When we piled into his jeep he looked at me, "So, where you live at?"

"For once, someone doesn't just know where I live?" I asked with a snicker.

Rook raised a brow.

"Nevermind, just head towards otisburg and I'll direct you once we get close."

Rook gave a two fingered salute and started his car, "Yes ma'am!"

[justyoursimpleflower]

A Letter of Love, A Letter of Apology

Warnings:- just angst, no fluff, nothing mentions of death, sucide, crying, death eaters. Not the best of me.

Word count:- 2k

A/N:- this is short and not my best of work, I actually list inspiration for it after sometime. The gif belongs to its respective owners I got it from Pinterest.

July 12th 1978.

Lily was sitting in her apartment that she shared with Marlene and Alice, drinking a glass of wine. Who cares if it's ten in the morning? She wanted to, so she poured herself a glass. Last week had been hectic for Lily, moving out of Hogwarts, and then James proposing her, healer training and so much more. It was as if she didn't even get a moment for her.

It had been not so long since she left Hogwarts, though it felt like a distant memory. Getting out of Hogwarts, joining Order, leaving some friends, leaving some memories, leaving-

"Lily!"

Marlene's voice broke her out of her thoughts, no one knows what would have happened if she hadn't broken her out of her thoughts, she didn't need to go back to those thoughts.

Turning around she saw a horror struck face of Marlene, immediately rising panic in her mind. She left her glass of wine on the railing of the balcony, she rushed to Marlene.

"What is it?" Her voice was heaved with panic, a million of what ifs swirling in her head.

"Another attack." A gasp left Lily's lips, as the words came out of Marlene's lips. Another attack. Another death. Another pain for the people.

But something was different in Marlene's eyes. It wasn't the usual, hatred or sadness at the name of attack, her eyes were teary. Assuming the worst Lily whispered,

"Who?"

"Y/N"

At that moment Lily wanted nothing more than the ground to swallow her or the sky to fall on her. Tears started streaming down her eyes, her heart felt heavy, her mind went fuzzy. Lily couldn't hold herself anymore and fell to her knees, sob racked her body. She was now crying completely, Marlene kneeled herself in front of Lily and held her in a hug. Rubbing her back, she kept whispering,

"I know, I know, she was my friend too."

She didn't know. No one did, and that pained Lily more.

Collecting herself up Marlene made Lily look up, the pain in Lily's eyes was breaking her too but she was supposed to take her for the mission, they can mourn later, but they had to go now.

"C'mon Lils, it's time to go, we have to investigate the place."

Lily didn't even hear her, she was feeling only the voidness she had pushed you into. It was all her fault, you didn't deserved that, maybe if she had never pushed you till there, you would still have lived.

She felt a hand shaking her. Marlene. She wants her to come and investigate the place you took your last breath. She didn't even has a choice in this. She had to. Slowly, she stood up and nodded her head.

Marlene clasped their hands together and they apparted to the small home. It was just like you used to describe, Lily had never visited your home but she knew how it looked, you had painted a perfect picture of it in her head.

James was already there, he, Lily and Marlene were to investigate the place for any traces of Death Eaters. He saw Lily looking broken, his heart broke too, he knew that you and Lily were good friends, but the look in Lily's eyes was pure sorrow.

He was quick to his feet and reached to her, he enveloped her in his arms. Lily's arms never went around him, she just started sobbing on his shoulder, she knew what she was doing was betrayal but how could she stop the pain, coming in the form tears.

"Shh...calm down, love."

Knowing that if she didn't stop now, she won't for long, Lily removed her face from James' shoulder. She gave him a weak smile and nodded her head towards the house, signalling him to enter. James was hesitant but entered anyways, his hand still holding Lily's.

Marlene was standing in the hallway, looking around the pictures, in case any clue. Lily and James joined her and roamed their eyes on the pictures, your smiling face, their joyful days, everything, in the most perfect way. And here are they, falling down by the insurmountable grief, mourning your death, investigating your house.

Lily was slowly breaking, the more she looked at those pictures the more suffocating became the pain. She felt like she's betraying everyone, you, James, her friends, herself.

James rubbed her back and gave her a sad smile, she smiled back but it was genuine, not anymore at least.

"I think we should seperate. Marlene you check the kitchen, I'll go for the living room and Lily you should check bedroom." James said, nodding they all seperated.

When Lily entered your room, everything was mess. Maybe you came here to hide from the death eaters. Shaking the thought from her head, she started looking for any evidence that Death Eaters came.

She flipped the pillows, she racked the desk, she looked in cupboard, but she found nothing. Sighing, she sat on your bed, looking around the room, the mess she made.

Lily's eyes landed on the drawer beside your bed, knowing she won't anything she almost didn't check but something in her was telling her to, believing her instincts, she opened the drawer to find it empty except an envelope.

She was going to leave it when James' voice called her but in the end she turned and stuffed it in her pocket. She reached the living room to find James and Marlene there.

"Did you find something?" Marlene asked.

Lily's hand touched the envelope in her pocket, but she shook her head. She can handle this alone, and she would.

Marlene and Lily apparted after that to their apartment, and Marlene left Lily's side saying, she wants to rest but Lily knew better, she knew that Marlene only wanted to grieve alone, she was never the one to show her emotions openly.

Lily entered her room, and changed into more comfortable clothes. As she sat on her bed, she took out the envelope and looked at it. She turned it few times to check if there was anything she could understand by it, when she found no signs, she hesitantly opened it. Inside it was a folded parchment, no doubt a letter. Lily didn't want to pry but she found herself opening it. So, she started reading.

Dear Lily,

I don't even know if I have the right to call you that anymore. You seem distant more than usual now, I knew it be bad but...this is unbearable. It's eleventh of July, it's my birthday tomorrow, but I think you wouldn't remember. I don't want a lot from you, I would just address this letter and send this to you, just want an acknowledgement from you that you read it.

It's been such a small time but it feels like an eternity when we used to meet, secretly, it hurt me that you didn't want to be seen with me but no worries, no hard feelings, it atleast gave me some thrill.

Okay, no more small talks, I would just tell you want I want to know.

Lily, was it necessary? Was I that bad? Even on my worst day, did I deserve the hell you gave me? What changed?

You promised me, didn't you? You promised me an infinity, but here I am dying slowly, why? Because I can't take this anymore. Till the time you'll find it, I would be long gone. Away from you, away from everyone, away from everything. Look at me, what a coward. I didn't even fight, for the better world. I don't even have it in myself to go with grace, and you are a hero, flying around saving faces.

Our love was calamitous, we were never meant to be, but Lily I hope you live happily.

I won't say don't grieve on my death, do, atleast that'll assure me that even a little, sometime, you loved me, I meant something to you. But Lily, did I actually?

I am happy for you, happy for James that he finally got you. I am happy for your upcoming future with him. Say yes to him, he is a nice guy. Or atleast better than me.

Do you remember our first kiss? Everyone was drunk that night, so drunk that it took two vials of hangover potion, per person to make their headache go. You didn't drink that night, I did but not too much. We both were sitting near the fireplace, you asked me what kind of person was I interested in, I was hesitant, cause to me, you were the only person I had even thought about having romantic feelings. When I didn't answer, you put your hand on mine, I turned around and saw the fire reflecting on your face. You truly were a blessing for eyes. We didn't notice that we leant towards each other until our nose bumped, you initiated the kiss, your lips were on mine, all I could taste from them was strawberry chapstick. Our lips touched softly first, then your tounge swept across my upper lip, my mouth opened on its own, and you took over the kiss, just like you did with my mind, my heart and my soul.

Just like you took over the kiss without me noticing, you took over my life. I was so in love that I never noticed you slipping away from my fingers. But now, I want to tell you that I love you.

I love you, for the best and worst, till my last breathe, until my end. Wish I could tell you that.

I fought with my inner demons, but maybe they were stronger than my love for you. Just so you know, it not entirely you, its me too.

Yours truly,

-Y/N

Tears ricocheted on the parchment, Lily was more than ever broken now. This is what she caused. Death Eaters were not the ones who killed you, you killed yourself, because of her. A sob wrecked her whole body, was she such a bad person?

She loved you, she did but she knew her family would never approve her relation with you, you weren't some

Questions pondering in her head, Lily didn't noticed when she drifted off to sleep.

The next morning was glum, no one talked in the whole apartment, everyone was getting ready for the funeral. It was going to be a really small one, only family and close friends.

Just like that the funeral was over, everyone was quietly talking to each other. James was talking to Lily when he noticed the jewel on Lily's neck,

"Lily, is it the one Y/N got you?"

Lily slowly nodded, she felt hollow, you were the dead one but Lily felt like a corpse.

James sighed and said,

"At least Y/N died a hero."

The furrow between Lily's brows told him that Marlene didn't actually told her the truth, so he said,

"Death Eaters, Y/N killed them but a killing curse during the end..."

That's when it clicked in Lily's mind, you never gave her the letter, meaning you were still contemplating your decisions but till then the Death Eaters...

Slowly, everyone started to return back and towards the end it was only Lily left. She made her way to the grave and fell to her knees, tears started falling, she cursed herself for not telling you how much she loved you. She cursed herself for not one more time telling you how brave you were.

She put the envelope on the grave and left without any other thought. It killed Lily, that she did that but she couldn't do anything now.

The envelope remained there for years, was it the love behind it or was it something else, it was always there, with two words written on it,

"I'm sorry."

[crowtrinkets]

A World Knowing You Aren’t in it

Prompt request from @mouselungs​ 

*forehead kiss* ty for that sweet sweet angst 

I wrote this at 1-2 am after watching a sad movie so uh yea I take my angst v seriously lol

Gender Neutral Pronouns for Apprentice, He/They Pronouns for Asra

Word Count: 2,208

I push my way into my shop, unwrapping my scarf from around my face. I take a deep slow breath of the not-so-fresh air mixed with dust and magical goods long since past their expiration. Wearing face coverings, just to go shopping in the market is necessary but I can't help but miss the days I could breathe in the fresh scents of spices and my favorite pumpkin bread without worry of getting sick.

"Asra? I'm back," I call out. I hear thumping traveling from the second floor and down the steps. A cloud of fluffy white hair pokes out from behind a curtain.

"Welcome home," he gives me a warm smile to which I return with my own.

"They were out of potatoes, something about merchants being scared of trade with Vesuvia," I follow them back up the stairs carrying my basket, sparse with groceries.

"I can't say I blame them," Asra mumbles to themself. I only hum in response, not wanting to push this topic further.

Asra has talked about leaving many times, but we had yet to do so, if we had the means we could but, there's no money in magic that can't heal a plague. Placing my basket on the counter of our kitchenette I pull out the food items I bought. Asra snatches an apple and bites into it but then grimaces.

"This apple is soft, like it's been left out," he goes to throw out the apple but I catch his arm.

"Don’t throw it out, if they're too soft I could make a cobbler or something out of them," taking the apple from Asra's hand I place it in a bowl with the other fruit I purchased.

"Oh, but they were out of sugar… maybe they're sweet enough on their own?" I mumble to myself.

"There's no need to go back out just for sugar, I'm sure we'll manage without it," Asra says with a smile that doesn't reach their eyes. They grab the lettuce I pulled from the basket out of my hand.

"Why don't I put these away while you go take a bath hmm? Wash the city air off of you," I give Asra a short nod and head off to the bathroom to wash up.

Suddenly feeling the weight of my day, running all the possible errands I can at once, so I am exposed less to the outside. I grab a towel from our tiny linen closet and pass by to give Faust chin scratches.

"Have you been bundled up here all day?" I question. She only responds by slithering closer so she can lean into my scratches. Her movement causes a blanket to fall, revealing a pile of books under it. My curiosity is piqued and I pick one up to read its cover. "Nopal Desert" it reads. I pick a map that was underneath it, depicting the better part of Vesuvia and surrounding territories. Nopal circled in ink. I hear Asra humming while he opens and closes the cabinets in the other room. I elect to bring it up after my bath.

The water is hot, almost too hot for my liking, but its burn soothes me in a way. Making me feel something other than the heavy burden that lays on the whole city's shoulders. I let myself sink down until the water cradles my head. Curling up so my whole body is submerged. I stare at the ceiling, watching the steam from the bath slowly rise, allowing condensation to sit on the wooden beams. I didn't bother to open the window so the bathroom could stay dry. I'll do that afterward. The water cups my ears, muffling the already quiet streets outside. My mind travels back to the books and maps I saw earlier. Was Asra trying to get us to leave? I explained in the past that I can't afford to pay rent on my shop and pay rent in a whole new area. Vesuvia is unsafe but the shop is my home, my lively hood. I can't give it up. I lie there, pondering and contemplating until the water has become lukewarm. My body aches after laying in the tub for far too long. After drying off my body and getting dressed I exit the bathroom, not bothering to stop my hair from dripping all over me. 

I walk towards my bed, finding the books and maps, untouched, and staring at me. I let out a frustrated sigh and collect the items.

I walk into the kitchen to find Asra nursing a cup of tea, and gazing out the window. They haven't noticed me yet. His eyes stare longingly out at the night sky. Sad and distant. I quietly approach and gently place the items on the table. Asra looks up at me in surprise. Neither one of us talks for a while. I clear my throat.

"What are these?" I motion to the map with the large black circle around the words that very obviously do not say Vesuvia. Asra places his cup down and fully faces me.

"Well I thought we could… stay there, I've heard the plague isn't present there and we could go, we could be safe and not have to worry about wearing face coverings just to go shopping," Asra's demeanor becomes meek the more he talks. I let out a sigh and collapse into the nearest chair.

"Asra I told you, I can't afford to keep my shop if I'm not here to work in it,"

"I can help you!" Asra says, straightening a little. "I-I've been painting masks to raise money, and we could go to Nopal for a few months, I could sell masks out there and you can have a makeshift shop in the desert," Asra reaches for my hand, taking it and rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. I give him a tired look.

"Asra, it's not that I doubt that you couldn't help me pay, it's just… Vesuvia is my home, our home, and I can't just leave at the drop of a hat like you," Asra winces and pulls away.

"Who knew you thought so little of me," he mumbles. I mentally kick myself for my choice of words.

"I'm sorry that’s not what I meant," I bring my head into my palm and lean my elbow on the table.

"What I'm trying to say is this is my home and I want to protect it so… I've decided I want to study medicine, to help with the plague," I look up to meet Asra's eyes. Their face pales and they sit back in their chair.

"Oh," is all he manages to say. I sit up fully and bring my hands into my lap, wringing them nervously together.

"I could use my magic to help too, and I want to be able to help the people, just like I did when I had people coming by regularly for magical ailments," I try to say something, anything to get Asra to stop looking at me the way he is. Scared, confused, frustrated, maybe even a little mad. He suddenly rises, his chair squeaking along the floor as it's pushed back.

"Asra please," I say barely above a whisper. Asra walks over the kitchenette and paces before turning to me, expression full of pain.

"That… That’s a terrible idea," he says. I suddenly feel taken aback.

"What wanting to help?" I say. Asra's face twists.

"You'll get sick, you'll… You will get hurt, you won't be safe!" he exclaims, starting to pace once again.

"There are people dying Asra I can't just sit around and let it happen! I want to do something, we can do something, we're both magicians!" I rise from my chair so I can fully face Asra as he frantically paces and runs his hands through his hair.

"How are we supposed to survive then, being exposed every day?" Asra looks me in the eye, his expression one of distress.

"Asra we're barely getting by as is," I motion to the bowl of fruit that I was organizing earlier. "The food isn't fresh, we have to go shopping all in one day so we don't risk exposure, and I am barely scraping by with my rent on the shop!" I let out an exasperated huff, folding my arms.

"I told you I would help you, I can sell masks, I can do fortune-telling just not here," Asra enunciates that last word by sharply pointing to the ground to make their point.

"I want to help, Asra… I want to be here," I shift awkwardly in place looking down at my feet. A lump begins to form in my throat, making it hard to breathe. Asra approaches me and places his hands on my forearms in an attempt to soothe me.

"Please, we can't stay here, let's just leave to where it's safe," He pleads, barely above a whisper. I slowly shake my head. Asra leans into me, trying to look into my eyes. His violet eyes, specked with tears in the corners.

"Why don't I help the people here? A-and you can stay home and make money off your painted masks," I say meeting his eyes.

"No, no no no," Asra begins to speak over me. He pulls away and faces his back to me, running his hands across his face.

"Asra I can't force you to stay here but you can't force me to leave," I say making my voice stern, hoping he understands my point. Asra quickly whips around tears falling down his face.

"Then how am I supposed to protect you!" he shouts. My breath hitches and I take a step back, my calves hitting the chair I was previously sitting on. The room grows eerily silent from his out burst.

"You can't protect me from everything, especially not this," I say, my own tears threatening to fall.

"Yes, I can! If you would just listen to me and leave! We could be safe," he approaches me, hands reaching out to me. I put my own hand up, stopping him from getting closer.

"Asra, I've made up my mind about this I'm not going anywhere," my chest aches, I want to leave with him, I want to leave because I'm scared. But I know I can help these people and I can't let my fears stop me.

"Please, you'll die," his voice cracks.

"If it saves the lives of even just a few people, then maybe was worth it,"

"No, you are too important to me!" they plead.

"Asra I have made up my mind! Nothing you can say will change it!" my volume begins to rise. Asra pleads my name and approaches once again gently grabbing my hands.

"Please it will kill you,"

"Asra..." my heart pounds in my chest.

"I can't live in a world knowing you aren't in it!"

"No Asra!" tears form in my eyes and my voice starts to crack.

"You will die-"

"Then death is better than this life we are living!" I shout. I didn't mean to. But I became so overwhelmed my temper flared-up. Asra takes a step back, releasing my hands.

"Is that how you feel," he says. I can't bring myself to answer, the lump in my throat has grown 3 times in size, swallowing my voice. "Very well," Asra turns away from me. Grabbing various clothing items as he goes. He disappears around a corner and I can hear him rummaging. I take in a painful deep breath. Wiping my tears as they fall. Asra comes back in with a bag, shoving items inside angrily, my eyes are too cloudy to fully see what he's doing but I can tell.

He's packing to leave.

"Asra," I croak. "Where are you going?" my voice comes out pathetically, as I try to compose myself. But my heart races in my chest. Asra ignores my question and continues to put items in multiple bags. All his clothes, his trinkets, their books. Anything they can carry.

"Asra please," I drag my feet as I try to follow him, but I can't stop the waterfall of tears escaping me. 

Asra finally stops in the middle of the room, passing me. He has multiple bags on both shoulders. I stand at the hallway entrance and watch him. Faust quickly slithers out from behind me, Asra crouches allowing her to climb up his arm. He takes his hat off the hook and places it on his head. I stumble towards him reaching out.

"Asra I'm… I'm so-" their eyes meet mine, cold, angry, pained. I stop in my tracks

"This is the grave you made yourself, I will not be there to watch you get buried," he says. His voice cracking. Without another word, Asra turns and goes down the stairs and into my shop. 

I can only gawk in silence, in disbelief that he actually left. The wall-shaking slam of the door breaks me from my shock. I grip the fabric of my top, just over my heart. Feeling as though it has broken in two. I sink to the floor and sob, harder than I ever have because a piece of my heart has left me.

[speedypandaweasel]

Change of Plans - A Yancy x Neutral! Reader

❤ REBLOGS WOULD BE APPRECIATED ❤

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 MASTERLIST

Where we left off:

So much for a lie in. You slowly rose from the cocoon of warmth you had made for yourself and you felt your toes wriggle up the bed and hiss at the exposed coldness of the room. Dragging yourself out of subconsciousness, your eyes finally decided to greet the grey interior and the black-barred window that perched just out of your arms reach. Why would they put such a tiny window if they didn’t want anyone to look out of it? Pretty pathetic actually. The Penitentiary really needed to repaint the bars, some of the black paint had flaked onto your pillow whilst you were sleeping.

You sat up, a little too quickly, and a cold, hard sensation hit the top of your body. Well good morning to you too World.

The unbearable ringing continued as you brought your arm down onto the squawking alarm clock. The room fell into a comfortable silence once more. 7:30am, not too bad, yet it could have been a little longer. Yet it was as if someone decided to balance a massive book on “how to not have a headache” on your already sore head. You’d ask Boggs for some paracetamol, or maybe some Ibuprofen as you tried to ponder on what did you do to deserve this...

~ Chapter 5 ~

MatchBox Analysis - 2.3K Words

"I'm here to speak to Officer Boggs." You timidly spoke, playing with the hem of your shirt. The man that towered in the small door frame in front of you was the most intimidating of all: Officer Rexx.

There were rumours about him that were too obscure and dangerous to mention twice, You only happen to hear about them when you overheard a couple of prisoners talking about "the anniversary" of how he lost his previous job, whatever that meant. To be frank, you didn't want to know about whatever hell hole he wriggled out of and treaded on eggshells around him, even if you weren't speaking to him. Something about that man caused you to feel insecure about something that you couldn't point your finger at, but there was no doubt that it was there.

"Yeah, he's in here." He paused for a moment. "You're one of the newer ones around here, aren't you? I've seen you around but never had the pleasure to meet."

He stuck out his grubby hand, his sausage fingers extended shortly at you, waiting for you to touch them. You grimaced before wiping that expression off your face. Rule 1: Never acknowledge the fingers.

You stuck out your hand bravely and shook his greasy one. His strong grip tightened around your knuckles as he shook hard, almost breaking your frail fingers.

"Well, I'll just go get him. Stay there." He spat. The door firmly closed behind him, the staff room's view blocked once again. You peeped through the mesh windows and managed to decipher the blurred silhouette of the sofa and coffee counter. You backed away as the door swung open again to the familiar face of Officer Boggs, his much shorter height made you relax second by the second.

"Oh hi Y/N, shouldn't you be outside?" He asked before shutting the door behind him, leaving the both of you outside in the wide hallway.

"Well I am, but I forgot to give you this from last night." You replied, planting your hand into your pocket before pulling out the owners key. Boggs let out a chuckle as his rosy cheeks grew even merrier.

"I forgot I gave you this! I'm glad that at least someone doesn't take my naivety for granted" He continued. "I respect that about you."

He unhooked the jingling keys from his beltline and clipped the Cafertiera key on the chain. He had a proud collection of keys to his name - being a veteran member of the Prison, it did have its perks.

"Well thank you, I really appreciate that Boggs. You know, sometimes I don't feel like I fit in here myself." Sounded cliche, you internally facepalmed yourself. Normally you wouldn't be telling this to anyone, but Boggs had been there since forever so it was nice to tell at least someone your true thoughts about staying here.

"Oh now don't think like that, every prisoner when they first come in her feels like that, but don't worry, I'm sure that the others will welcome you soon. Have you tried talking to them? I know you're not the socially inclined person but give it a shot. Who knows? You might actually enjoy their company" He concluded.

When Boggs gave advice, it could go two ways: either it was incredibly awful which ended in bad decisions being drawn from it, or it could be genuinely heartwarming and sincere words of wisdom. Thankfully, this was one of those pieces.

You allowed yourself to run over the speech the superior had just given and smiled. You could spark up a conversation with Yancy, you could ask him about what that poem meant! Maybe that could be the starting point of breaking out of your introverted shell.

"Thanks Boggs, I really do appreciate you." You said, before heading off outside.

"Have fun! But not too much fun, I don't want for you to get hurt!" His yells sounded down the empty corridor.

The mid-day sun blazed down on the steaming concrete, the prisoners having that work-out glow. Yancy had rolled his short sleeves even shorter, exposing his lesser-known tattoos, and his private box was stuffed in his trouser leg conveniently, away from the guard's view. If anyone found out what was in this box..well, it would ruin him.

Racing became tiresome after a couple of hours so the prisoners resorted to lazily running laps around the small quarter, this included the songbird himself.

"I tell's ya T, you wanna stop off for a few minutes? this box is gettin' uncomfortable." He protested, shifting his weight from one foot to another, finding a comfortable spot in his trouser leg.

"Why, you chickening out? Scared that someone will beat your record?" T retorted.

The prisoners slowed to a stop. Yancy regrettably paused his track game and attempted to get his ragged breath back.

"No ya dingus, it's 'cause dis box is scratchin' my skin off! I swear I's bleedin' down my shin by now."

Tiny's retort turned into concern as they pulled over to the side of the quarter. Once out of sight, Yancy slowly rolled his trouser leg up to his shin and took out the small, worn-out box from the bottom of his leg.

"Your leg hasn't been sawed off Yance, but you sure you need to keep it there? You could hurt yourself."

Yancy chortled shortly, not willing to admit that his friend was right. After what happened last time, he was going to learn from his mistakes. He rubbed his fading ankle bruise as he remembered the time he stayed in the medical ward. But the question was: where was he going put the little thing?

His eyes scanned the usual nooks and crannies that he had hid stuff in before, but word somehow got out and now everyone was using them for their secret stashes. Great - so much for having the upper hand.

His eyes continued to look for somewhere to stuff the thing until his ears pricked up on the outside door swinging open. His frustrated face broke into a smile as he saw you walk out timidly, and perching on a weight bench.

"Here, can youse hang on to it for a hot minute, just don't open it alight," He said, his curious eyes never leaving your sight.

Tiny was startled. The Boss never let them hold anything of his, let alone the one thing he persistently never left out of his sight. Tiny slipped the matchbox into their shoe before taking a squat down the brick wall as they watched their mate stride over to the newbie, but chose not to follow suit.

You picked at the seat cushion like it was the most interesting thing ever to you, whilst plucking up the courage to go and talk to the most confident person out here. Your eyes managed to look up. partially blinded from the sun but saw the small huddles of prisoners near the water pitches, walking around, or down by the blind spot. Guards stood at every entrance broadly, letting people in and out of the area, their moist uniforms made you wonder how the hell they managed to keep composure in this heat.

Your moment abruptly came as you saw the man of the hour coming towards you, his wide shoulders fully exposed to the heats rays. You knew he worked but w-w-wow.

"Finally decided to join in the fun eh?" He sprung up the conversation.

Chuckling, you look down, embarrassed and in amusement "And I'm guessing that this is the newest trouser look. Is this asymmetric chic? or is this just you trying to use illusion to become taller?" You threw a double whammy at him.

Yancy's shocked eyes bored into your own mischievous ones for a brisk moment. Suddenly, he exaggeratedly placed a hand on his chest before crumbling to the grass floor. "Oh de pain! I can't bear it anymore! Not another short joke!"

Other people around the quarter edge were starting to laugh along with his flailing and happily applauded when he finished his piece. The cheering and jeering died down as the conversation drifted back to normal, as Yancy dragged his trouser leg down and sidled up next to you and he bumped his hard shoulder next to yours.

"What a Drama Queen." You continued, letting out a small smile.

"What can I's say, I got's to get ma training in somewhere." He replied "So how's it been with you? Finish dat book yet?"

It was as if he read your mind! The topic of the poetry book caught your attention as you chipped away at your social shell. "Uh, not yet, but I did want to ask you a couple of questions about poem 19. You know, the one you recommended I read?"

The prisoner stretched his arms and placed them behind himself. "Oh yeah! It's one of ma favourites! I personally thinks its about de good and bad sides to love and once you've actually caught feelings for someone, it pains you to do things dat even surprise yaself. Youse got me?"

You would have never known that Yancy had a passion for literature, just listening to him made you even more dedicated to spending time with him. Boggs was right with his advice, it didn't bruise your ego that bad to socialise with new people, as it made you question what other things the man had up it sleeve - or trouser leg.

You rephrased yourself, "Ok then Yance, do you read poems often then?" your feet started to dance around the grassy floor, flattening pieces of green.

"So do you analyse poems often then Yancy?"

The man interrupted you "Oh please, call me Yance, only the big dog calls me Yancy."

"I used to when I was a youngin', my family hads a nice library ya see. Dey's had Shakespeare, Jane Austen, and some oder authors I can't remember but when youse a fabulous actor like myself, you gotta keep up ya noggin' in check." He smiled and looked out onto the busy area, almost reminiscing about his past life.

He never liked to bring up the subject of his past but when Yacny was with you, it felt- right. To finally talk about childhood memories and just laugh about them, instead of it always being dragged back to the soul reason why he was locked up at Happy Trails in the first place.

His strong arm planted on the side of your small shoulder as he gave you a tight squeeze. "How about youse? Do you read?"

"I-Uh... I"

Words formed in your mouth, yet your tongue was on holiday, not responding to any sentence your brain was throwing at you. Butterflies were born in your stomach as your face started to feel warm, too warm for your liking. What was happening? Were you having sunstroke!?

"Youse ok? Ya looking a little warm d'ere" Yancy said, dropping his arm from your side. "Youse want me to go grab you some water?"

This signalled your tongue to finally come back to work. "Oh. No, I'm fine thanks and yeah, I read, that's what I was going to ask about you actually." You said, forcing confidence.

"No way! Heh, I guess great minds think alike huh?" He replied, grinning his addicting smile. He looked over to where he left Tiny and an idea sprung in his scheming mind. "Hey, youse wanna come over to the wall, I got's a friend who you could meet. I mean, only if you wanna?" Yancy laughed, trying to sweetly coax you deeper into socialisation.

You hesitated. This man sure was alluring, but risking another episode like that caused you to reconsider. You bit your bottom lip, slightly, your eyebrows became sewn together as you weighted up your options. Either go over and run your social battery out completely, or decline and recover from this moment.

"Thanks Yance, but I think I'm done for the day." You responded. "All this talking and warm heat" and maybe some other things "has made my head spin a little."

"Ok, well if youse's sure." Yancy stood up once more and punched your shoulder "See you around Keys!"

You saw him walk back to his mate and sit down together under the shade of the building. You blissfully made your way back inside of Happy Trails, back with you and your own thoughts.

Its blasting air conditioner made your arms tingle as you pulled out a chair in the Cafeteria and went to reach for the poetry book. The silence hung much thicker in the air as you sat uncomfortably. Is this what withdrawal felt like? To be isolated not a minute after being surrounded by people. You kind of missed the feeling of having someone to talk to, but everyone had their boundaries - even you. You tried not to linger on the thought of feeling like you let Yancy down. He gave you the opportunity to help you overcome your fears but you didn't take it. Maybe next time you would take it, but for now, you did something new today: You should be proud of yourself.

You scanned around at the empty chairs and tables, the occasional guard whistling by the Cafeteria's door frame before you brought your head to the window. Your eyes soon spotted Yancy sashaying around with his friend. They must have said something funny because he soon showed his pearly whites, his chest rising and falling as his strong hand clutched his chest. Your eyes couldn't tear themselves away from this scene. The jailbird was the only person who actually tried with you. Smiling to yourself, you looked back up and your breath hitched. He was looking directly back at you and giving you a small wave. His smaller companion followed suit, shooting their hand straight up, frantically joining in. You sheepishly waved back before opening the book from you left off.

"Missed me Y/N?"

[hot-wiings]

Leave An Ask Or Comment To Be Added To A Specific Characters Taglist.

Edited: 10-21-2020

When you woke up the next morning you felt a discomfort between your legs. Your core hurt, but it was nothing compared to when Kai had his way with you. kai roughly took you. He didn't take the time to let you get aroused, he just dove right in and got himself off without care about whether you were enjoying it or not. He didn't listen when you said no, instead, he forced you to give in. He forced himself on you and coerced you, then he left you to clean up the mess. 

Dabi gently took you. He took his time and paid attention. He asked you if he was hurting you, he asked you if what he was doing was okay. He made sure you were aroused when he took you. He was kind but he still got you in just the right spots making you crave more. He was attentive and made it enjoyable. Unlike your mysophobic captor, he cleaned you up. 

When you woke up, Dabi's cum was not dripping from your body like last night. You were worried you'd wake up to dry cum crusted on your skin, but he had cleaned you up. Not only had he cleaned you up from his ejaculation, but he had put clothes on you. Instead of being naked, you wore a long-sleeved pajama shirt and jogging pants. As you felt the bedding you noticed he had changed the sheets and blankets from your sinful acts of the previous night. You must've been really out of it because you hadn't woke up. Whether it was from him wearing you out from your activities, or the fact you hadn't felt so safe sleeping in such a long time remained a mystery. 

You pulled yourself out of bed, wincing slightly at the pain. It was more bearable than what Kai was capable of doing to you, and once you stopped thinking about the pain you barely noticed it. You couldn't lie that it hurt Dabi wasn't there when you woke up, but you knew that had someone caught Dabi in your bedroom like that it would cause hell for you both. Sure Dabi was supposed to watch you, but if he was seen leaving your room so early in his clothes from the day before it would arise suspicious questions. He would have to return to your room in the late morning when people could witness him coming to watch you in an innocent matter.

Despite that rational thinking, you couldn't help but wonder if he regretted last night at all. As you slipped on clean fresh clothes you couldn't help but wonder if he meant his words to you. You couldn't help but ponder on if he meant them with honesty. You carried such baggage and trouble with you, a relationship together would be so troublesome for him. 

A knock on the door broke you out of your reverie. You quickly pulled your shirt down as you spoke out through the closed door. 

"Who is it?"

"It's Dabi."

You tried to slow down the heart palpations you received as you briskly walked over to the door and opened it. Just the sound of his deep voice brought electricity to every fiber of your body but seeing him standing in the doorway made you smile. He came back. 

"Hey." 

Dabi stepped inside your room and closed the door behind him. He was quick to pull you against his chest, his warmth completely engulfing you. You were relishing in his touch so much you hadn't realized tears were beginning to escape your eyes and drip onto his shirt. You hadn't realized up until Dabi pulled away and tilted your head up with his hands. His long fingers hooked behind your ears and his warm thumbs pushed away your tears. 

"What's wrong? Did I accidentally hurt you?"

"No, no you didn't. I'm sorry. I just- I know why you had to leave... But I was worried you regretted it. Regretted last night."

Your tone hushed and got quiet as you mumbled out the last part. Due to your proximity, Dabi still heard it. He pulled you against his chest again. His hold was tighter, more protective but not hurtful.  

"Doll, I didn't regret it."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't blame you. I know what complications come with me and you're not obligated to stick around just because I gave myself to you."

"Baby doll, I don't intend to leave. I'm staying and gettin' both you and Eri out. I meant what I said last night."

Your head rested against Dabi's chest as you let out a sigh of relief. You breathed in Dabi's scent of smoke, cigarettes, and sulfur. They were bad smells, yet they brought comfort and safety to your stomach. You lifted your head off of his chest and plopped your lips onto his. It was such a normal action, but it was so foreign. It had been so long since you willingly incited such a romantic action. It was wrong to do it with Dabi when you were dating Kai, albeit forcefully, but it was so right. When you were pulled against his chest, in his arms, you couldn't care to give Kai a single thought. You couldn't be bothered to care if it was morally wrong or right to cheat on a relationship that was forced on you. 

Kai was wrong. All the words he'd spoken to you. All the phrases and hurtful words he spits out. Every time he said no one could love you. Every time he said he was the only one who could love you. He was wrong, it was all wrong. Dabi could love you. Dabi did love you.

"I was half asleep when I said it... but I meant what I said too." 

Dabi dipped his head down to your ear and gave it a light nibble before whispering roughly, leaving tickles down your eardrum and cochlea. 

"I really do love you. I know it's early to say that... But you make me feel things. I'm so closed off, but you make me want to tell you everything about myself."

"Then tell me. You know so much about me, you know about Eri and my mother... I wanna know more about you."

Dabi pulls out of your embrace but keeps a hand in yours. He lightly tugs you along with him to your bed. Once he sits down on the fluffy blankets, he pulls you on top of his lap.

"What do you want to know, doll?"

Your hands came up and played with Dabi's hair as you nestled your body against his. Eliciting a smile from Dabi, you lightly tugged and pulled, but not in the same manner as the night before. It was nice to be able to just touch and love without getting hurt. 

"Everything. I wanna know everything about you Dabi."

"God, I don't know where to start... I guess I'll start with my childhood."

Dabi wrapped his arms around your waist, one arm around your back and the other across your lap. His warm hands gripped your thigh and waist as he spoke out his words to you. Dabi had briefly mentioned before that his father was abusive, that his father was mean but he escaped out. You couldn't imagine Dabi as a child, he looked so rough with his scars and staples it was hard to imagine him in a setting where he was young, innocent, and fresh. 

"Back then I went by Touya."

"Touya... I like that. Why did you stop using it?"

"My father picked it out. He demanded that he pick it out because I was destined to surpass him, his opinion changed after I received my quirk. When I left home I wanted nothing to do with him. I dyed my hair- it was red then - and I changed my name."

"I bet you looked nice with red hair."

"Mm, I was quite the fox in high school, all the ladies loved me. I never gave them the time of day. It's not something I'm proud of, but I used them for a quick screw and then I'd forget their number."

Your chest tightened as his words registered in your brain. You knew Dabi had a bad reputation. He's a villain, some sort of bad merit comes with that. Hearing him say it was different. How could you be sure you weren't going to be one of those girls? Then again, Dabi hadn't hit you like Kai and if he had ill intent why would he be sitting here telling you about his past. Almost as if he noticed your hesitation in your brain, Dabi dug his fingers in you tighter and pulled you against him closer. 

"It's different with you. You like me even though I am a villain, you like me despite my scars and staples. Those girls in high school didn't want me, they wanted Touya. They wanted his status. They wanted his wealth. They wanted Touya, the eldest Todoroki sibling."

"Todoroki... Todoroki as in Endeavor, like the hero?"

"Enji Todoroki is my father, but he is not a hero." 

Before Kai closed you off from the world you'd seen Endeavor on the news a lot. As the number two hero, he made lots of appearances. With All Might's lack of recent activity, Endeavor began taking the spotlight more. Although he wasn't your favorite hero, you thought he was one of the greats. As Dabi gripped onto you tightly he made a face, a face of fear. He looked scared and nervous to be talking about the man who raised him. Endeavor saved people, but clearly, there was a dark presence behind the man. 

"He was obsessed with surpassing All Might. When my quirk showed up he was less than happy, he pressured my mom into having more kids, more weapons for him to use. My mother gave birth to my sister Fuyumi, my brother Natsuo, then finally she had Shouto."

It was like Dabi's breath hitched in his throat. He had a hard time letting the words out. He hadn't ever told anyone about his childhood. In school, he never allowed himself to be close to anyone, and he never uttered a word to a soul in the league. 

"Shouto had both of my parents quirks, and to Enji that was valuable. He separated my brother from me and my siblings, forced him to train to become a hero at a very young age. He abused my mother when she tried to stop him, physically and mentally. She couldn't bear to look at me, behind I looked so much like him."

You pulled Dabi's head against your neck and he was quick to bury himself inside it. He let out a few sobs, but they were muffled against your skin. His tears streamed down his face as he pulled back to finish talking.

"Eventually she snapped. She threw a pot of boiling water down Shouto's face, the side of him that looked like Enji. He threw her in a mental institution. I was twelve, and I had to help raise Fuyumi, Natsou, and Shouto. I was just twelve, and I had to cook dinners. I was twelve and I had to help Natsuo with his math homework. I was twelve and I watched Enji train my brother so hard he threw up, and when I tried to stop him I would get beat."

"Oh, Dabi..."

"When I turned seventeen he became tamer. He never beat Fuyumi, she was his soft spot, and he never beat Natsuo... I think his face reminded him too much of my mom. They stopped needing me, so I left. I faked my suicide and left. I still keep tabs on them. My sister is a teacher, still living at home to take care of him. Natsuo's in college, and Shouto's in the prestigious UA."

Dabi moved his hands from your thigh to your face. He cupped your cheeks and brought his lips to yours.

"I hate my father for the abuse. I hate him so much, but to stay in the game long enough for my siblings to stay safe, I had to play the game. I had to lay down and place my cheek up until they were old enough to stand up and defend themselves, old enough to not need me."

"You don't deserve that. No one deserves that."

"You don't deserve it, but I need you to do it. I need you to play Kai's game. Pretend that you want him. Pretend you can't get enough of him. Pretend your so in love. We need him to get laxer. The laxer he is, the easier--safer it'll be to get you and Eri out. To survive the games you gotta play the game."

You mirrored Dabi's actions by pressing your lips back against his. Your kisses held passion and love. Your hand came up and caressed his cheek softly, skimming lightly over his staples, unsure if it was a soft and sensitive or not.

"I'll do it Dabi. I'll hate every minute of it, but I'll do it. I'll stop fighting, give in, embrace it. I'll play Kai's game."

[muilkyu]

𝗠𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀

🐷 Hyunsuk

"What if she doesn't like my outfit? Should I change? I should add a necklace, maybe the rings aren't enou-" you ramble on fiddling with your clothes. Hyunsuk is laughing at you from the corner. "Why are you laughing? This is important, she has to like me."

"She's gonna love you. You look fine, I dressed you so of course you look amazing."

You turn back towards the bed plopping down skulking, "I'm still nervous. Your mom is a big part of your life and I really need her to like me."

Hyunsuk makes his way over to the bed pulling you back up into a hug, "My mom will love anyone that I love. Now let's go."

🐼 Jihoon

"Stop, frowning so much you're gonna give yourself wrinkles," Jihoon says.

You scoff flicking him on the head, "I'm nervous. You're my boyfriend, you're supposed to comfort me."

"Nah, you'll be fine," Jihoon concludes, "Also you hit hard I think I have a bump now."

"Oh come on Hoonie. Do you think they will like me?"

"Honestly, I don't know," He replies and you reach out and flick him again, "Oww, okay I'll be serious. I think they will like you. They might ask you a lot of questions, but they just want to get to know you."

"This going to be a long dinner isn't it?" You question.

"Yep, they are going to find out every single detail about your life. I'm going to tell embarrassing stories to them because I love you oh so much."

🐨 Junkyu

"Why are you sweating too? It's not like this is the first time you have met your parents," you complain. Junkyu looks more nervous than you which is ironic.

He rubs his sweaty hands on his jeans, "I know but they are very straightforward. If they don't like you they will tell you."

You nod looking down, "Do you think they won't like me then?"

"I honestly have no idea but regardless of what they think I still want to be with you." Junkyu's sweaty hands grasp yours and he leaves a small kiss on your index finger.

🐯 Yoshi

"You know what I should have brought a gift we should turn around. Don't you bring a card or something to the first meeting?"

"I don't think that's a thing," Yoshi answered.

"I should have gotten a plant or something. People like plants. Is your mom a plant person?" Asking all these questions is actually helping your nerves.

"No, my sister might be though." He ponders.

"That doesn't help me at all. You know what let's just get this over with."

Yoshi places his hands on your shoulders slowly rubbing them. He looks you in the eyes, "I get that you're scared, but I promise my mom is probably more scared or meet you than you are. Look we don't have to do this yet if you are nervous."

You contemplate the odds of pushing back the date. While extremely tempting it also means so much to Yoshi that you get along with his family. Instead of opting out you just shake your head, "This means a lot to you. Plus your mom sounds lovely. Let's do this."

🐹 Mashiho

"Do you even know how this is going to go?" You ask picking at a piece of lint on Mashiho's shirt.

"I think it will be fine," Mashiho replies, "My parents have always supported me. I don't see why this would be any different."

"Well you have never introduced a girlfriend this is different. If they think I have a bad influence on you or I am not to their standard they won't approve."

"My parents aren't like that. Also you aren't the type of person that someone wouldn't fall in love with. The more they talk and get to know you the more they will see why I love you."

🦁 Jaehyuk

"This is the dress you should wear," Jaehyuk concludes pulling out the yellow sun dress from your closet.

You shake your head, "No, I wore that one last week I got a black stain on the end of it. I can't get it out."

"Oh," he puts the dress back in the closet reaching for another, "What about this one?" He's holding up a white romper that you got last summer.

"That one makes my ankles look fat." You complain.

"I don't think my parents will care about your ankles," Jaehyuk points out.

"Well I care about my ankles. I don't have anything to wear guys we can't go then. Let's just order some food and watch a movie." You suggest already reaching for your phone to order.

Jaehyuk walks over to you grabbing your phone before you can, "No, you're going we promised to eat dinner with them months ago."

You whine, falling back dramatically onto the sofa, "I don't wanna go. They probably don't like me for pushing the dinner off for so long."

"Just one more reason we have to go tonight. Eventually they are going to be mad that you don't wanna meet them. Look, my parents just want to make sure you're not going to hurt me or something. Your parents would do the exact same thing"

"Okay you have a point. Just don't baby me the whole dinner."

"I will not be making any promises."

🤖 Asahi

You and Asahi had decided to have a weekend in rather than going out. Seoul is currently going through the 3rd hottest summer it has ever had and the idea of walking around in the warm weather is not tempting.

"What should we eat tonight?" You question. Your current lying down on the couch dressed in sweatpants and a tank top. Asahi is sitting in front of the couch trying to find something to watch on TV.

Asahi shrugs pushing his hair back with his hand, "I don't know. We could cook what do you have?"

"I think I have enough for pasta." You respond sitting up on the couch.

"That sounds good," his phone vibrates as you start to stand up. He looks conflicted at the name across the phone. It's in Japanese so you can't read it. Asahi looks at you and to the phone as if he silently is asking for permission.

"You can answer the call, that's fine. I'll start the pasta," as you start to walk away he grabs your hand pulling you back.

"It's my mom she is going to want to say hi." He says. Picking up the phone ready to answer.

"Oh, well then no I should just leave. I don't know any Japanese."

"That's fine. I'll translate for you." He answers the call with an excited shout of hi.

That's how you end up face timing your boyfriend's mom with him translating for you. The nerves of course don't go anyway the entire call but at least you have met one of the parents now. Only one more to go.

🦊 Yedam

"Why do we have to meet at a karaoke place. I can't sing to save my life."

"You know my parents like to sing. They don't care if you can. They just want the first meeting to be fun." Yedam explains.

"This is not my definition of fun. I'm going to embarrass myself."

"You won't. I already told them you don't want to sing." Yedam reassures.

"What if they make me? I can't say no to your parents. I'll look like a bad girlfriend."

"Then I'll have to sing with you. We can sing a duet. I'll hold you hand the whole time."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

🐰 Doyoung

"My mom wants to meet you." Doyoung states. You both just woke up and as always he closed you to say good morning.

"Okay, when?" You question.

"Today at lunch. She wants to meet at Onion." He explains.

"Today? Isn't that a little bit early,"

"We have been together for a while and she thinks it time to meet you," Doyoung says.

You sigh before responding, "I don't know if I can do that. I am going to have to make a good impression."

"I don't think any of that matters. It's just brunch."

"Okay as long as you are there I should be fine."

"Oh I won't be there. I have to go to the store with my dad. You should be ready by 11 though my mom will be at the cafe waiting for you."

I have to go by myself.

"Kim Doyoung, did you just set me up to have a date without your mom without asking me?"

"I might have. You'll be fine. I have to go so you won't kill me. I love you bye." He hangs up before you have the chance to debate with him.

"Love you too. I guess." You mumble burying your head in your hands. I don't have the time for this you think.

🐏 Haruto

"I have a surprise for you." Haruto tells you.

"Sounds fun. What is it?"

Haruto pulls out two prices of paper from his back pocket and places them on the table, "Ticket to Japan for next weekend. Ta-da!"

"Oh my gosh really?" You exclaimed grabbing onto the tickets, "This is amazing, but do I have enough time to book an hotel?"

"You won't need a hotel. You can just stay with my family." Haruto replies.

"Is that such a good idea? I haven't even met your parents yet."

"Exactly this is the best time to meet them. Plus these tickets aren't refundable so you have to go."

"As long as it's okay with your parents I guess we are going to Japan."

🐺 Jeongwoo

"What do you mean your parents are on their way?"

"I mean my parents are joining us tonight for tteokbokki." Jeongwoo causally answers.

"You're just now telling me this. How long have you known?"

Jeongwoo looks up at the ceiling to ponder, "I don't know maybe the entire week."

"You have known the entire week! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you would react like this. They're just my parents. They won't kill you."

"They're not going to like me, I can already tell. I don't even have on nice clothes. I am in jeans and a t-shirt. I know I should have dressed up today." I pointed out. I am not even remotely ready to meet Jeongwoo's parents.

"You look fine. You don't have to dress up, you're already pretty. Looks aren't everything. You have a beautiful personality. That's why I like you. If I like you my parents will have to as well."

🐮 Junghwan

"This was really fun. We should have gone to a carnival a long time ago," you smile holding tightly onto a small blue bunny Junghwan won you.

Junghwan blushes a bit looking down, "I am glad you had fun. Next time we have to go to Lotte World."

"That would be so much fu-" you start to say before you hear a loud voice over the crowd yelling 'So Junghwan'.

Junghwan looks up looking around for the voice calling out his name. He pales and then looks at you. He barely can whisper out, "It's my parents."

As soon as the words leave his lips your stomach churns. Junghwan mentioned his parents being super strict when it came to even just letting him come out tonight.

"Are they coming over here? Do I look okay?"

"You look fine. Just turn around, smile and introduce yourself. I'll think of an escape plan."

"Junghwan-ah here you are. Are you going to introduce us to your friend?"

This was probably the worst way to meet your boyfriend's parents but at least they deemed you okay. You could live with that.

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed~!

Requested By : @imajigglypuff3

[helenazbmrskai]

Jimin as a merman 🧜‍♂️

• "Stop looking like a kicked puppy, will you? Smile, we are on a vacation." Hyeri having none of my passive attitude I honestly feel a little guilty about my bad mood which is clearly affecting her and when she is frustrated she sulks like a kid but she can't blame me before our vacation a letter sat on my coffee table my long-time crush whom I hold close to my heart with an unhealthy unrequited love buried deep inside the imaginary pocket in my most vital organ just sent me a letter to seek out my congratulations on his wedding which is in fact in this weekend and I am here sitting next to my friend under an umbrella and watching the waves of Busan hoping that the spirals will wash away this weird feeling this uneasiness the weather is warm and the water is invitingly lukewarm but I can't help but mop around and throw sand I can't control my emotions or in this case my facial expressions even if I wanted to.

• "You know why I am like this," I call her out on her insensitive behaviour. She knows how hard it is for me but she still insisted that I should have fun just because she ordered me to come with her to this vacation when I truthfully said I don't want to.

• "I'm really tired of you pinning for that guy he is getting married for the love of god can't you pull your head out of your ass and move on?"

• I pursue my lips together with her every word stabs at my heart and I know she is right but it still hurts not just her words but that she is saying them now when the betrothal invitation is still fresh in my mind it's probably still laying on the table where I left it the previous night neatly folded with tear stains on them.

• "I'll be right back." I give her a tight-lipped smile rushing to the isolated area of the beach which is blended with rocks where the waves splash upon them the comforting rhythmic of the water crashing against the high rocks soothes my nerves. I sit on a nearby stone easing my legs into the water carefully which is indeed warm. I throw my head back a heavy sigh leaves my chapped and parted lips eyes closed to bath in the overwhelming self-pity I feel for myself right now.

• Something moves a few feet away I can hear the faint sound of a grunt my eyes shot open scanning the area to locate the origins of this noise. I stand up to go closer to the water looking between rocks a pair of eyes find mine the boy grips the rocks to steady himself pupils dilated and pure horror evident in his face. We stand there looking into each other's eyes for long moments neither of us moving he mostly because of shock and me mostly because of curiosity.

• "What are you doing down there?" I ask the stranger in a low and honeyed tone I don't want to scare him away his eyes are full of unreadable emotions so I am extra careful with my words he looks like he will disappear if I am too forceful.

• He opens and closes his mouth like he doesn't know what he wants to say a huge blush starts forming on his pale skin I swear I can see his grip is tightening on the rocks I'm worried he might cut his fingers on the rough surface.

• Sensing his discomfort I send him a sincere smile a bit forced but that's the most I could muster at this moment and it seemed enough because he smiled back. A blinding smile full of teeth and cheeks such a lovely sight that I hope he will never stop smiling at me like that.

• The silence is nice I sit and just aimlessly looking beyond the horizon watching the endless water flowing as showing his eternal beauty some sort of calmness envelopes me when I found the eyes of the gentle stranger again he comes across as less cautious and more curious now. Inching closer to my stiff body he experimentally touches my feet his fingers glide against my skin with ease my leg jerks away his eyes look up to see if I am feeling uncomfortable but I just chuckle because of the tickling sensation. His touch is warm and wet, his hand leave drops behind making me shiver when a strong stroke of wind encompasses

• He flattens his palm against my thigh warm and gentle almost feather like I watch him as he explores my features I feel exposed and examined under his curious gaze I almost forget why I was so sad and angry in the first place but unfortunately it's just as it sounds an almost

• "Uh, can I at least know your name before you touch me more?" I don't know why I let his wandering hands on my legs but I don't feel like I should worry about his intentions his smile was so pure before the only thing I see in his eerie orbs are wonder and awe no bad intentions like lust or mischieve.

• "M-my name is Jimin." I wanted to coo at his light and charming voice if it was even possible his face burns with more embarrassment he quickly removes his hands gripping the rocks again but he stayed there right next to me he doesn't leave or purposefully make a move to distance himself from me. He just looks shy in a cute way.

• "Jimin." I taste each syllable on my lips rolling off my tongue like an unseen breeze that caresses our faces unseen but tender in a way he blushes further hearing his name as I address him with utter carefulness and warmth. Like I am in a trance the aura that surrounds him is intoxicating in the best way possible leaving no room for rotting thoughts and insecurities. I feel content for the first time like Jimin can be the cure I wasn't even looking for. The cure for my aching heart is in his eyes that holds a million stars captivated in them the smile which brings joy and shakes me to the bone. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea this feeling I am not sure I was capable of.

• "I'm Y/N." I speak when I realize I never shared my name with him. He gifted me one of his big smiles reaching his eyes with the fondness he clasps the rocks firmer to hold himself above the water a silhouette of a tail flicks the water in my direction the droplets make me lean away my stare is fixed on the spot underwater my lips part to question him but I don't even know what to ask. A tail? What does this mean?

• "D-don't be afraid." I rip my gaze from the water to see Jimin's eyes reflecting anxiety and fear he holds his hand out in my direction to touch me to reassure me but he never makes contact with my skin. He swims away his tail appear above the water for a millisecond before diving back in under the depth of the water.

• "Jimin?" I call out his name but he doesn't appear again no matter how many times I call for him. I bite my lip looking for his form but the water is too deep to see where he went. He left and I didn't have the chance to tell him I am not afraid. I was never afraid of him.

• Hyeri taking in my gloomy state as I venture back to the place I left she sighs she gently weights down his palm against my shoulder she looks at me with a guilty expression.

• "I am sorry Y/N I know I was cruel to you saying those things. I just hope you could move on from him and be happy." Understanding flashing in my eyes I smile at her pulling her in a bone-crushing hug. My thoughts were so full of Jimin's sudden appearance and disappearance that I forgot why I left and why I am here in the first place.

• "You were right. Yes it hurts but its the truth. I'll try to move on. I think I might be ready." The reality finally clashing with my dream filled foolishness the wedding invitation materalizing in my head the final push that I realize we are really not meant to be.

• I ponder about my memories with him. Why I fell in love with him is because he is tender and too nice for his own good. No matter how hard I tried the timing was always off. He found the girl of his dreams I remember the jealousy I felt when he first introduced her to our friend's group I never paid attention to how in love they were. No, they are. The guilt suffocates me heavier than ever before finally seeing through my envy and false hope I can't blame anyone but me. I was foolish. I wonder if I ever sincerely loved him as I thought I am but it's not right. I was loving the way he made me feel I was hunting those feelings like I desperately wanted to be loved. Seeing myself in this new light I felt like crying.

• Just then I thought about Jimin and his full-blown smile his tender touches and the hurt and fear in his eyes as he swam away. I wanted to see him again. He made me feel all sort of things I never felt before I didn't realize I am walking in the direction of that rocky area I first met him but I made myself absurdly stop.

• Do I have the right to feel like that?

• What if I am just sinking my fangs into my next victim he was nice to me and I am ready, no, more than eager to fill the void after the guy I thought I truly loved are now engaged. He would be sick of me he would be disgusted by me.

• I turn to leave. Yes, it's for the best. I was so blinded by my own greed that I never considered him. So I did the first step I never thought I'll ever be able to accomplish.

• "Hello? Y/N? Is that you?" I gulp once I hear his voice on the other side of the phone. He was quick to answer considering that I avoided him I can't be surprised that he is worried about me he was always like this. He cares for his friends deeply.

• "Yes, it's me. I am sorry but I can't be there on your big day. But hey let's meet after I get back I want to congratulate you guys in person." I propose I feel a lump in my throat but I stand my ground.

• "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. But it's fine you seemed unwell so rest as long as you want." A laugh escapes comically entertained by his words they don't stink as much as I thought they would.

• "No need to worry about me just focus on your wedding. I am fine I think I really am." I am shocked I could talk with such virtue admitting my faults maybe helped me realize what we had and had not made things easier in a way.

• "See you when you get back right?" The hopefulness in his voice caught me off guard I faintly heard her voice calling for him but he's waiting for my answer instead of replying to his fiance.

• "See you then."

• After the phone call, I thought I would cry but the only feeling is there yet emptiness and its the good type.

• "I am so proud of you Y/N. Really." Hyeri who watched our exchange smiled hugging me close a comfortable silence envelopes us as we stay like this for a little longer.

• Approaching with a wild heart and uneasy steps I'm stunned my steps halting like its rooted to the sand all of a sudden to see Jimin out of the water resting on a rock his tail lazily flicking the water with a swinging motion. Gaze trained far away as he played with the water twisting and turning it with his hands just for the liquid to escape his attempts of caging them between his fingers but in vain as it pours back to its rightful place.

• "Why are you sulking here alone?" I take a big step, finding my voice in the process.

• "You came back." Disbelief shadows his tone looking with big round eyes it's hard to look away from his dreamy gaze but I had to when I almost fall into the water while climbing onto the rock he occupies.

• Light giggle finds its way out of his parted lips steadying me with his familiar warm hands on both sides of my waist I beam at him watching as his tail wags creating an uneasy wave just as a puppy would do in favour of showing his happiness.

• "You really came back." Hearing it again perks my interest up. Does this mean?

• "You came here every day in case I come back?" My eyes widen as Jimin's face immediately turns into a very vivid shade of red even his ears are on fire. He fidgets in his sitting position the way he laps the water with his tail slows down looking everywhere just not into my eyes.

• "I was thinking about you too. I just needed time to think about something. It's not related to you though I don't mind really if you are human or not." I offer him a smile just like the first time but now I feel happier, I can truly smile at him with no cloudy thoughts or negative emotions. This smile is only for him and he seems to appreciate it as his smile is more blinding than the last one I saw.

• "I wanted to see you again Y/N." I laughed in an unladylike manner his shyness is endearing in a cute way he watched his hands intertwined in his lap in nervousness a new feeling bubbling in the depth of my stomach as I watched him I felt the urge to touch him hold his hand hug him tight. Is this normal to feel that way? I'm not sure.

• "You're not exactly looking right now." I decided to tease him liking the reactions I can get out of him.

• "I am." He locked his gaze with mine his lip formed a sly smirk when I wasn't able to come up with a witty response shutting down completely when he focused solely on me bare emotions played out in front of my eyes to see. Relief, hope and something else swimming in the depth of that dark orbs of his. Jimin's playfulness is messing with my head big time.

• "Can I touch your tail?" I shyly requested the shining skin makes my eyes wander the length entertaining the idea of how it would feel to touch it. It's probably firm and strong since he swims with it so it has to be strong to push through the uncontrollable waves.

• "Go ahead. Is it only fair no? I touched your legs last time." I nod not trusting my voice how the table has turned I'm the one who is blushing this time.

• It's wet and the texture is weird but I can't help myself. I caress the line where his skin ends and the tail begins I can feel him shudder under my touch I venture further after going down the length of his tail as much as my hand can go I press my fingers into his stomach defined and hard I wonder if all mermen are this fitt as Jimin is.

• "That's not my tail Y/N." The call of my name and the playful tone makes me bashful I pull away apology is on the tip of my tongue when he takes my hand placing it onto his erratically beating heart I look him in the eye to understand what he's trying to tell me with this.

• "I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel different like I never felt before." I start mumbling confused with my actions I try to pull my hand away but he refuses to let me.

• "Nothing is wrong with you. I feel the same. I have this weird excitement in the pit of my belly I want to touch you and I want you to touch me. I think we are soulmates Y/N."

• "What?" Taken aback by the sudden claim Jimin holds my hand tighter fearing that if he allows me go I'll disappear and maybe he is right with that.

• "Don't be scared, please. Let me explain." His eyes begging me to let him rationalize and it pulls at my heartstrings I nod silently letting my fingers stretch out to stroke his skin he relaxes as he releases a long breath I wasn't aware he held back before this very moment.

• "I felt the connection like I was electrified your smile felt like home I was never so attracted to someone as I am to you. Please believe me when I say I am certain that you are the one. The one I was destined to spend the rest of my life with."

• "I don't know Jimin. How is this even possible?" I am a bit sceptical I was never one of those who believed in soulmates. Even if seeing him and every fibre of my body wanted to believe in his thoughtful words that we are meant to be. I am still broken not sure how to swallow this.

• "You don't feel the same, do you?" My heart sinks as his clear eyes hazed by pain. I shake my head I want to comfort him that I feel it that I know what he is implying.

• "I do Jimin." I gaze at him lovingly with a sad smile as soon as his eyes clear it clouds again within seconds.

• "Then why are you looking so sad?" He pushes away my hands on his skin as if I burned him with that single touch and I can't blame him.

• "I liked someone. I was obsessed actually." I start I look up to the sky instead of his face it's easier to talk when I can't see the storm of emotions in them.

• "You are nice Jimin, more than nice. You're perfect and I am broken. I am a horrible person I am miserable and I don't want you to sink in this ship with me. You deserve better than that."

• "Bullshit I want you." Even though I love his determination and it makes my heart flutter I still hesitate to accept his love that would mean I am nothing better than the person who was pinning for his friend when he already loved someone else.

• "How about we .. slow down?" I trail off a little thinking about what should I say that I won't hurt him more than I already did.

• "Slow down to what?" Jimin seems genuinely confused like he doesn't understand me.

• "Let's get to know each other Jimin. We can figure things out together? I would like that."

• "I'm willing to do anything if it means your not going to leave me."

• "Sit with me?" I tap the cold rock next to me Jimin is excited to hop down to the spot splashing a bucket worth of water at me when he used his strength to pull out of the mass of transparent liquid.

• "You look happier today." He looked at me in pure joy. I am happy if you are happy. I smile nodding and kissing his nose as a soft thank you leaves my lips.

• "What for?"

• I give another kiss this time to the corner of his mouth after he questions me amazed by my affectionate actions.

• I went home for a couple of days to visit my parents and to meet with Kyu and his wife we had coffee and some pleasant conversation. I packed my bags and told everyone who is close to me that I'll permanently move to Busan. I had a girls night out with Hyeri the last day. I can tell Jimin was eager to meet me after we haven't seen each other for a week. Things are going well. Too well actually that I often question how long will it last. But not today.

• "I missed you." The words escape without my consent but I don't regret it because Jimin's dazzling smile takes my breath away. Snuggling into my neck as he always does when he feels suddenly shy warms my heart understanding just now what he meant that fateful night it does feel like home.

• "I missed you too." Murmuring it into my skin I let my eyes wander this spot became our spot. I push his head to face me he whines but complies nonetheless using that look against me I so much come cherish like I lit up his dark sky and hung all the stars for him to help along his tiring journey. It's content just to be here and I understand the concept of soulmates for the first time.

• "I have good news for you. Not just for you for us as well." I continue capturing his undivided attention he eyes me curiously.

• "Tell me don't tease me more Y/N." He gives me his best pout the one he knows I cannot say no to.

• "I bought a house here to live with you." My confidence wavering not sure how he will react but my fear dissolves as he smiles cupping my jaw to bring our faces closer. He looks extremely happy.

• "You did? So you won't leave anymore?"

• Nodding to satisfy his enthusiastic neediness confirming my statement with a one more uttered 'yes' before he leans in.

• I tangle my fingers in his locks smiling into the kiss sensing how eager is he to please. I change the angle to deepen

• Tongues intertwined kissing him leaves a salty after taste that is so Jimin he smells like wildflowers his skin is glistening in the sun provided spotlight wet fingers caressing my warm skin thumb moving against my cheekbone I decide to pull on his upper lip I am satisfied when I hear an impatient groan from him

• The kiss gets sloppy after a couple of seconds chasing each other touch while bathing in the setting sun's low glow.

• "I am so glad I met you Jimin. My Jimin." I comb through his hair see him panting to gain back the oxygen I stole from him eyes half-lidded still immersed in the taste he got wishing that we would never stop kissing like this.

• "I'm yours." The breathless answer came soon after.

• With a widening smile I pull him closer he follows my movements like a ragdoll taking in his flustered state I want to tease him more but I decided against it.

• "Do you love me Jimin? Because I certainly do."

• Jimin whines painfully that I start to think I said something wrong but he is quick to reassure me pecking my lips for a short time but dives in soon parting my lips with his own to get another taste.

• "I do. I do love you. I'll always will no matter what."