#am i the only one that thinks that darkstripe liked tigerclaw/star like that

[unk-night]

Some doodles

[tigerclawsremorse]

Warm sunlight trickled through the slim entrance of the medic’s den, shimmering onto the sleeping Tigerclaw. The morning light turned his tabby fur into a glistening soft brown, speckled with the bright particles in the beam. The light lulled Tigerclaw awake. Stretching out his legs, he was released from the stiff grip of sleep.

“Hiya Tiger,” Spottedleaf squeezed into the den, momentarily blocking out the sunlight. “You look like you slept well,” she laughed and pawed at his ruffled fur.

Frowning, Tigerclaw sat up, casting his gaze away from Spottedleaf, “...I’m sorry, Leaf,” he sighed, “I should have known better by now, I should have listened to you more. I almost killed Clawface... I could have killed him,” his claws pressed into the nest.

“But you didn’t,” she smiled and cocked her head to the side, “That’s got to count for something.”

Swiping a paw over his face to do some grooming, he shook his head, “It can’t count for much if I thought about doing it though.”

That made Spottedleaf’s soft face sour into a frown, hidden partly as she lapped down some of Tigerclaw’s messy neck fur, “It would have taken a lifetime to teach you everything. I can teach herbs just fine, but being good, that comes from you. But so does being bad… and so does just kinda being in the middle. Maybe you’re not the best, but at least you're getting better. I'm proud of you for having done that much.

“We can’t always control what we think, sometimes it’s just part of us, you already had a lifetime thinking like that.”

“I still have a lifetime to get better, I guess.” The tom looked up at the tortoiseshell with a smile, but it was quickly lost as he saw her expression when she pulled away from him.

Looking almost in shock, her eyes were wide and her mouth hung a little open, “Don’t you remember that battle, Tigerclaw?” Her gaze was not meeting his eyes, it was on his neck. “How it ended for you?

“I'm of course still proud of you for all you’ve done but—“

Piercing pain shot through Tigerclaw, the spot that Spottedleaf had lapped down was pulsing. His amber eyes flickered down to see blood flow steadily from an open wound that stretched from his chest up his neck. As he had his head tilted down he could feel more blood pooling in the back of his throat. He gagged to spit it out, scrambling to his paws. As heavily as blood oozed from his neck, it leaked out of his mouth.

“You know, I’m proud of you too, Tigerclaw.” Laughed a raspy voice from behind him. “Even after all that nonsense in the medicine cat den, you’re still you. You’re still a warrior at heart.” Thistleclaw started up a new cackle and circled around the gagging tom, “You’re still my apprentice.”

“Nowe Iahm” Tigerclaw sputtered, the blood clogging his mouth, “Noo ‘m” he tried again.

“Now hush,” Thistleclaw sneered, “You listen to me again. You did your deeds and no amount of leaf picking and star praising saved your pitiful soul.”

Tigerclaw shook his head, splattering blood on the rough dead ground, and backed away from the gray tom. In the harsh light of the forest, tall shadows casted down on Thistleclaw and displayed his ragged and unwashed fur with coarse patches that looked to be black with rot. If he was any skinnier his bones would surely be breaking out of his skin. Even his face held a hollow expression, like it was practically a skull.

“We’ll be making our plans of revenge till the day we’ve both turned to dust!” As he laughed, his whole body shook, dust flittered into the air.

“Noa! Noo! No!” Choking, Tigerclaw swiped at his old mentor as he backed away.

“Yeah you get in your practice shots, we have a lifetime to train!” Thistleclaw fell and rolled with horrid laughter, his body—his bones— clanking against the ground as he howled, “A lifetime!”

“Leef! Leaf! Spottedleaf! Spottedleaf!” Tigerclaw gagged, in trying to continue moving away from Thistleclaw, he felt his paws sink into the muddy forest ground. In a heartbeat he was up to his stomach in thick mud, “Leaf!”

“Spottedleaf isn’t here to help you.”

“Spotted...leaf.” Tigerclaw repeated, his eyes slowly adjusting to the new light to see the gray cat who stood above him was not the decaying corpse of his old mentor, but Yellowfang. Quickly, Tigerclaw recognized the scent of the medic’s den and the rough patient's nest he was currently settled in.

“If you keep calling for her you’re gonna wind up meeting her in StarClan because your wound will reopen.” The ShadowClan molly snapped.

“I’m… sorry.” He said softly, being cautious to speak as his throat felt as if he had been eating sand in his sleep, “Water, please?”

With a grunt she turned and left the den, returning a few moments later with a wad of semi-soaked moss. She set it in front of him and surprisingly to Tigerclaw, took a seat near the edge of the den.

“Am I the only,” he involuntarily paused to wheeze, “only one down here?”

“Besides me, yep, everyone else was out of here yesterday or earlier today, not too many serious injuries all and all. Whoever you pissed off to get clawed so bad must have really had it out for you.” She spoke in a joking tone but neither of them laughed.

“Yeah, I don’t need to know about it,” Yellowfang faced towards the den entrance, “Thank the stars that they didn’t kill you, surprising I know, but even the great Tigerclaw could be killed.”

“That’s not such a surprising concept.” He croaked a dry answer.

“Gone through some personal developments lately? From what Firepaw says about you, I never could have guessed you were the reflective type.”

He lapped at the last drops of water in the moss, “Something like that.” He had briefly been confused why Yellowfang was still hanging around, after all, ShadowClan had now been cleared of those who had exiled her, but he considered she was most likely invited to join ThunderClan, now that they were missing a medicine cat. Another sting of pain made him gasp slightly and have to contain his ragged breathing.

Yellowfang, turning back towards Tigerclaw, opened her mouth before shutting it quickly in hesitation.

“I don’t need advice or anything.” Tigerclaw propped himself up on his front legs, “I don’t need anything right now… except maybe more water.”

Yellowfang obliged and resoaked his moss ball. “I also noticed all the time you spent with Spottedleaf,”

“Did Firepaw tell you about that too?” He turned his head away from Yellowfang to hide his deep furrowed brows and eyes he was sure were filled with sorrow at even the mention of her name.

“No,” she scoffed, “I can see.” She paused again, “Maybe you think you’re impenetrable, but I have a sort of knack for seeing the truth in cats.”

The warm sun turned cold, as if a cloud had blown over it suddenly. Tigerclaw could feel himself shaking in the nest, Yellowfang could most certainly see it too. Yellowfang did not need a knack to see the truth if Firepaw had spilled the tabby’s secret to the old she-cat.

Darkstripe got a good hit in, but Ravenpaw at last would deal the final blow.

“You’re not what you seem to be, Tigerclaw.” She carried on as Tigerclaw got unsteadily to his paws. “I see the good in you that you’ve hid away.”

He blinked at the medic and it seemed for the first time, met her eyes. ‘ It’s a trick you mouse-brain, ’ shouted a voice in his head, ‘ Maybe, but shut up.’ He thought in reply.

“Nobody is born with evil in their heart,” her yellow eyes looked far away and clouded, “even if it feels like it’s your destiny.”

“Have I missed the vigils yet?” He meowed quickly and took shaky steps towards the exit.

“No, they’re to be held at sunhigh.” Yellowfang answered, still deep in her own thoughts.

“It looks to be sunhigh now.” He shook his head and gazed back at her.

“Oh.” She gave a curt response, not looking to meet his gaze again.

The walk up the medic tunnel felt like the long hike to the moonpool, each step making him take a gasp of air. He was tempted to stop along the path and tighten his bandages to see if that may help, but he decided against it. ShadowClan may do a different kind of wrap than ThunderClan and he could not risk the walk back down to ask Yellowfang to fix it. As quickly as he could manage, he poked his head into the clearing.

There was a quiet hush around the camp, only the scurrying of cats repairing dens and the whispers of clumps of cats chatting amongst themselves. Tigerclaw could even pick up on birds chirps outside of camp, he took a heartbeat to gather a large breath and take in the serenity.

The vigil had not started yet, obviously as no meeting had been called nor did Spottedleaf’s body lay in camp. Tigerclaw’s usual resting frown, deeping at the thought and he thrust his head away from the sight where she soon would be.

Luckily enough, he didn’t feel any eyes looking upon him as he padded along the outskirts of camp. For the first time, he had made his way across the entire clearing without being trailed by Darkstripe. ‘ He must have stayed in ShadowClan, good riddance.’ Still, he felt a pang of unexpected sadness.

‘ All he ever did was look up to me.’ He thought grimly, ‘ I did the same thing to Thistleclaw.’

Being swept away in thought made it easier to trek along camp, he soon arrived at the nursery.

For a moment he watched the queens all bunched together in their nests, sitting up and chatting about whatever queens chat about. Peering in, he was quickly noticed by Frostfur, “Tigerclaw, if you’re looking for Goldenflower, she’s off in the leader’s den with Bluestar and Brindleface preparing Spottedleaf for the vigil.” She spoke between her lapping at her kits, especially licking at one that whined softly.

“Oh, okay,” he nodded, “are your kits alright?”

Frostfur shrugged, “I suppose, Yellowfang said they weren’t harmed any. Well expect for this one,” she nudged the whining kit, “They got a knick in their ear.”

“Afterwhile, go ask Yellowfang for some raspberry leaves and marigold, they should help the kit.” He instructed.

“What, was Spottedleaf teaching you herbs down there?” She tilted her head at the tom.

“What else would she have been doing?” Tigerclaw grimaced and turned to walk away.

“That’s not we thought she was doing, huh Speckletail,” Frostfur spoke in a tone like a whisper, but still at a pitch where Tigerclaw could hear her clearly. Speckletail did not reply, Tigerclaw guessed she was asleep, but it didn’t matter to him too much.

“Tigerclaw,” meowed a friendly voice as the tabby laid against a wall of the camp waiting for the vigil. He had planned on talking to Goldenflower, but he couldn’t imagine bringing himself to see Spottedleaf so soon.

“Whitestorm.” Tigerclaw greeted back.

“That’s just like you Tiger,” he smiled, “back on your paws in no time. ShadowClan really thought they could take down ThunderClan’s greatest warrior? What a pack of smart-ears. Yellowfang did a very good job in clearing you up too.”

Tigerclaw listened to the deputy ramble, Whitestorm usually only spoke so much when he was nervous, and he was only nervous when Bluestar was nervous.

“Couldn’t save them all though,” Whitestorm meowed in a grimmer tone.

“Yes, it's a shame what happened to Spottedleaf.” Tigerclaw dipped his head, “We were very good friends and she was-“

“Uh,” Whitestorm interrupted, “I meant it was Ravenpaw who died in the battle. We couldn’t even find his body, but Firepaw and Graypaw both said they were ganged up on and Ravenpaw fought bravely and practically sacrificed himself. I know how closely you were watching his progress.”

Ravenpaw….dead.

“How awful.” Tigerclaw shook his head and spoke in his deep monotone voice. “Truly awful news.”

“I know, he didn’t even get his name—“

“All cats who can catch their own prey, gather for a clan meeting.” Bluestar summoned. All the drama of the past few moons had taken their toll on the leader, but now she seemed more like her usual self, presentable, strong, judging.

“Battles never come without their losses, and in this case, betrayals. We have lost clan members, but also gained them. Let us not despair in the past, but look to the times that are to come as is the duty of any cat in ThunderClan. We honor today, Fireheart and Graystripe who have earned their warrior names and sat vigil, Spottedleaf and Ravenpaw, who died in the great fight to serve their clan, and Yellowfang, our newest member of ThunderClan.”

Yowls echoed through the camp, of joy and loss and overall celebration. Tigerclaw sighed and for a moment, smelled the sweet scent of Spottedleaf linger in the air.

“Today is a new day,” Yellowfang spoke up from under high rock, “I am glad to call ThunderClan my new home, but I must admit, I am old and weary. That shouldn’t come as a shock to any of you,” she laughed, “For the clan’s sake and for my own, so I may retire before I join StarClan, I ask to mentor an apprentice to help ThunderClan after I am gone.” Her eyes pierced into Tigerclaw’s as she unblinkingly looked straight at him.

“Yes of course, Yellowfang,” Bluestar dipped her head, “we can certainly-“

Tigerclaw stepped a pace towards Yellowfang, who in return nodded her head, “Bluestar,” he interjected, “I have spent these past few moons training under Spottedleaf, now she is gone, I would like for it to be continued with Yellowfang so that I may receive my full medicine cat name under StarClan.” He felt his mind go blank and if he didn’t stop himself he would ramble on too long. His paws were numb, but he could still feel himself standing on shaky legs, waiting for Bluestar’s reply.

Everyone in the clan was looking at him. He would rather die on spot than turn and face them, what could they be thinking about him.

The heartbeat of silence quickly turned to a tension filled pause. If Bluestar refused him, he gulped, “Bluestar I-“ he started again and took a crooked step back.

“Very well Tigerclaw. If Yellowfang accepts, it shall be. ThunderClan has been through wilder changes.”

“I do not dare dishonor the memory of Spottedleaf by refusing her apprentice,” Yellowfang padded to Tigerclaw, who was frozen in place, and pressed her nose to his. “Here is your first step to change,” she whispered to him, “it wasn’t learning herbs and wallowing, it was admitting what you need.”

“Sure.” He quickly licked her shoulders to conclude the ceremony. “But it’s not just about going to StarClan.”

Yellowfang raised an eyebrow.

“I really do think being a medicine cat will be good for me, I liked learning herbs and all that.” He padded back to the edge of camp, Yellowfang a pace behind him.

“That’s good,” she chuckled, “you still have a lot more learning to do. Frostfur told me to give her raspberry leaves and marigold, and I told her what kind of toadstool for brains told her to mix those together.”

“Sorry maybe my memory isn’t so sharp right now,” he twitched his ear awkwardly, “I’ll do better I promise.” Brief visions of Thistleclaw flashed in his mind as he remembered what it was like to be an apprentice. Shivering, he shook his head to forget the thought.

“It’s not that bad of a mistake,” she broke his concentration, “both would do the job to help, but together it might be too much for just a kit.” She explained with a slanted smile.

“Of course,” he sat up, “being partially right has to count for something, yeah?”

“Maybe in practice,” Yellowfang looked up to her apprentice, “but let’s keep you from treating patients solo for a little while longer, you’ve got my whole life to learn what you need.”

“I thought you said you wanted to retire?”

“I think I’ll have to change my plans if I have to mentor you, making a fighter into a healer is more than teaching herb combinations.”

He puffed out his chest and watched the meeting continue on. Even with a large wound in his neck, he felt he could finally breath again. He couldn’t predict how everyone would view him from now on, and in for this moment, he wouldn’t let it matter. Worries could be put off just until he set his vigil for Spottedleaf and his training would really begin. “I think I’ll do well.”

“That’s some gross optimism,” Yellowfang shook her head, “you get it from Spottedleaf.”

[dreamflightt]

FIRESTAR’S BITTERNESS.

warrior cat au fanfiction.

word count:

2,060

content warnings:

n/a

characters:

tigerclaw, bluestar, spottedleaf

description: 

When young Rusty joins Thunderclan, he isn't met with the sense of community he had hoped for. Instead, he's met with cruelty at the paws of the entire clan... The entire clan, except one.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22742947/chapters/54344167

wattpad link:  https://www.wattpad.com/839226984-firestar%27s-bitterness-prologue

next page: coming soon.

                                                  PROLOGUE.

Defeat weighed heavily on Tigerclaw's shoulders as he stalked through camp, the moon glowing and bathing the territory in its heinous light. He glanced upwards, lips curled back in a growl. He hated the brightness, it was what was keeping him poignantly awake and alert... so much so that he felt he could not sleep now even if he wanted to. He shook his massive head, the scar on his nose still fresh and burning as if it'd only happened a few seconds ago. He pictured the smarmy little Riverclan warrior that had done it and rage filled his lungs yet again. Tigerclaw's fur bristled, ears lay flattened against his head. They could have won! If Redtail wasn't such a coward, they could have easily turned it around. But of course, his pretentious attitude had cost them territory. It almost made Tigerclaw more infuriated than the fish-breathing group that had defeated them in the first place. And to think- Redtail had the nerve to try and console him after they'd lost because of him. He scoffed, prowling through the camp in the shadows. He didn't want to be talked to, so he tried to keep his hefty form hidden in the blackness of the camp as much as possible. Unsure of where he wanted to go, he merely walked past dens, peering in every once in a while to get a look at the rest of his clanmates sleeping ever peacefully. How could they? Didn't the loss of territory mean a hair to any of them?! It was pathetic. Tigerclaw lived in a clan of fragile kittypets, he was sure of it. He craned his head, eyes seeping into the apprentice's den, where he could pinpoint the light sleeping form of his apprentice. Ravenpaw's eyes were closed, tail twitching nervously in his sleep. Was he a fool even in his dreams? Tigerclaw's eyes narrowed at the black lump of fur. Few things frustrated him more than his own apprentice's incompetence. The whole clan coddled the fluffy behavior he continued to display. It wasn't fair- why should he be looked at like a bully when he was just trying to make sure Ravenpaw wasn't slaughtered the moment he received his warrior name? Maybe it was cute to be a blubbering mess when you're a kit, but sometime everyone has to grow up! He flicked his tail in irritation, moving past the apprentice den before he stirred any of them awake and had to hear the whining voice of Ravenpaw while he was already on edge.

Padding past the warrior's den, he noted Darkstripe and Longtail sleeping fairly close to each other. At least he had those two- as stupid as they could both be sometimes. They understood strength more than any of the squabbling mousehearts he could pick out sleeping around them. Tigerclaw was constantly analyzing his clanmates, sensing how useful or useless they'd be. Lionheart was strong but far too gentle. Whitestorm, once a reliable friend turned bee-brained and bumbling. Mousefur, feisty and ambitious but without the skill to back it up. And of course, how could Tigerclaw leave out their loyal deputy? The brave cat that gives away their pieces of territory! The Riverclan lover! The soft and ever-giving-in Redtail! He could feel his claws sliding into the earth underneath his paws as he watched the red-furred tom sleeping peacefully as if he hadn't practically handed over sunningrocks just a while ago. It was hard for Tigerclaw to stop himself from padding right on into the den and cuffing Redtail over his ears right now. He wanted to rip every tuft of fur from his body, but before he could keep delving into his dangerous impulses he turned from the warrior's den to peer instead at the injured warriors in the Medicine Den.

"Tigerclaw-" The voice of Spottedleaf made Tigerclaw jolt back slightly, his enraged expression shifting quickly into surprise. "What are you doing awake? Going for a night walk?" Spottedleaf was pleasant sounding enough, but Tigerclaw had his fill of softness already tonight.

"I can't sleep." He admitted gruffly, sitting down and wrapping his lashing tail around his paws. "And I don't understand how any of us can. Not after the loss tonight." Spottedleaf walked over, glancing back at the sleeping figures of her patients. She gestured with her tail for him to follow her. He figured she didn't want to disturb the injured cats. Tigerclaw didn't care for a conversation, but he was already here and he was far too exhausted to argue. He rose to his paws and followed her outside of the medicine cat den. Spottedleaf's eyes glanced past him for a moment before she refocused onto him.

"I know sunningrocks is a pretty significant blow..." She finally replied, the kindness evident in the way she spoke to him. "But Redtail made the right decision. Many of you were injured pretty badly- including yourself." She ran her tail over his muzzle, much to his dismay. He halted briefly, wrinkling his nose at the feeling of her fur tickling it. Tigerclaw felt a surge of upset hit the bottom of his stomach. Of course, Spottedleaf would think this was the right decision. She was merely a medicine cat. She hated fighting- she probably would have rathered they didn't fight at all! And what did she know of sunningrocks and why it was so important?

"Sunningrocks is nothing but a place to laze about for Riverclan!" Tigerclaw snapped, continuing forward again. He noticed Spottedleaf's gaze drifting from him again, but he continued anyway. "We use it for hunting. It's as if they want Thunderclan to starve just so they can nap in the sun- all the way over on OUR side of the river, mind you." He scoffed. "They could spy on us- on our territory! It's ludicrous."

"You're right," Spottedleaf said in response, meeting his amber eyes yet again. "But is sunningrocks worth the lives of your clanmates? If the fight had continued..."

"If the fight had continued, as it should have, we would have turned it around. Riverclan has no advantages on land- they swim like otters and expect to be able to carry their own when they meet us where it's dry. It would have been an easy win! But now..." He blinked, watching as she yet again continued to peer past him. "What are you looking at?"

"Oh, sorry!" She exclaimed, nervously stopping for a moment. "I'm meeting with Bluestar soon. I was just seeing if she had left her den yet. I'm paying attention, I promise." Tigerclaw couldn't stand her supportive attitude. It made him feel like she was trying to coddle him.

"If you're busy, I'll leave." He replied with a short tone. He didn't want to talk to her, anyway. Spottedleaf parted her jaws to respond, but Tigerclaw was already moving away from her and heading the other direction.

"Make sure you get some rest..." She called after him. He didn't think it warranted much of a response. His paws brought him back to the entrance of the warrior's den. Tigerclaw stared into the den again at the peaceful figures. The sounds of them breathing brought him only a bit of calmness. He wondered what Spottedleaf and Bluestar would discuss. Probably the defeat... Rather suddenly, Tigerclaw desired to know what his leader thought of Redtail's bad decision. After all, Bluestar could be just as soft as the rest of them, but he thought there was hope for her wits to come in handy yet. He knew Bluestar well, and there was a chance she'd be angered by the decision. Maybe, if he could get some insight into her opinion he could even sway her to consider a different decision for deputy of her clan. He turned back around yet again, feeling as if he'd bounced all over the territory a hundred times this night. Tigerclaw glanced back and forth, not wanting anyone to catch him spying on their leader and medicine cat.

The shadows did a good job hiding him despite his abnormal size, lucky for his dark-colored pelt. He watched as he spotted Bluestar leave her den, only to peer upwards from the high stone at the stars. Her face was lonesome and pensive, it made Tigerclaw wonder what she was thinking. She seemed particularly miserable as she did often with matters of Riverclan. He always wondered why she seemed to connect herself so much with them. Sometimes, it made him suspicious. His furious slitted eyes watched as Spottedleaf approached her, and he leaned, crouched against the ground to hear the conversation.

"How is Mousefur?" Bluestar meowed. Tigerclaw twitched his tail. He should be the one getting credit for the small she-cat's life.

"Her wounds are deep, Bluestar," Spottedleaf replied, shifting nervously against the cool grass. "But she is young and strong," Questionable. "She will heal quickly." Tigerclaw could sense Bluestar's relief even from his hiding spot. There was a brief hesitation, and he wondered if he had eavesdropped for no reason after all.

"And the others-?" Bluestar's cool voice broke the silence.

"They will all recover, too." The response prompted a sigh from the gray she-cat.

"We are lucky not to have lost any of our warriors this time. You are a gifted medicine cat, Spottedleaf." She said quietly against the silent nighttime. Tigerclaw wondered why she was getting praise for simply doing her job. It wasn't as if she'd helped fight. He watched Bluestar lift her muzzle to the stars. "I am deeply troubled by tonight’s defeat. ThunderClan has not been beaten in its own territory since I became leader." So she WAS bothered, after all. "These are difficult times for our clan. The season of newleaf is late, and there have been fewer kits. Thunderclan needs more warriors if it is to survive." What? Did she think this was an issue of numbers? That wasn't true! This was an issue of backing down and out far too quickly. He couldn't believe nobody could see the real issue here! For a moment, the two she-cats went back and forth about the topic, and Tigerclaw didn't care to listen to it. Consoling and dreck weren't his thing. He almost left his spot in the darkness, before he caught something interesting enough to stick around.

"- Are you asking Starclan for answers?" Spottedleaf's question piqued his curiosity. He felt suddenly like he was in on secrets he shouldn't be. Every cat knew the Starclan conversations between medicine cat and leader were not to reach the ears of prying warriors. But maybe, if Tigerclaw knew what their ancestors thought of tonight's failure, he'd have a leg to stand on.

"It's at times like this we need the words of ancient warriors to help us. Has StarClan spoken to you?" Bluestar questioned, turning her head to Spottedleaf. Spottedleaf looked somber as she averted her gaze and instead looked up at the stars as well.

"Not for some moons, Bluestar-" Just as quickly as she had said it, something odd happened to Spottedleaf. Her eyes widened and filled with a glaze-over that was hard to describe. She looked distant, not apart of this forest or even this world. The fur along her spine bristled and her entire body became tense as if she were nothing more than a cat-shaped rock. Bluestar kept quiet, looking at her. Admittedly, even Tigerclaw felt somehow anxious in the presence of this process. It was almost frightening. Spottedleaf came out of her daze, head snapping forward and breathing heavy. Bluestar rested her tail on the she-cat's shoulders. "It was a message from Starclan," Spottedleaf said hurriedly as if trying not to lose it. "Fire alone will save the clans."

Tigerclaw recoiled slightly. Fire? What could fire do for them? His eyes narrowed, drifting upwards. What was Starclan trying to do? Were they meant to believe something this meaningless? Why was it so vague? He curled his lip as if threatening the stars themselves. Bluestar's bewildered response didn't fall onto Tigerclaw's ears. He'd had enough of this dreadful conversation. He turned from where he was hiding and started to make his way into the warrior's den. Fire... how foolish. If fire was meant to save them, then something had to change.

If this was his ancestor's idea of glory for Thunderclan, he decided that he had better ideas.

[curiositys-cat]

@1pkk1 requested: Goldenflower’s conversation with Tigerclaw after discovering his betrayal.

There’s not much time a queen gets to herself, but her kits are older now, and besides– the night is dark and the moon is high. When she’s sure Tawnykit and Bramblekit are well asleep, Goldenflower slips out of the nursery.

Her legs take her where she’s going without a chance for her head to butt in. This isn’t the kind of thing a grown cat does. This is harebrained– something she would have done without question as an apprentice, but she likes to think she’s mellowed out a bit in the seasons since. But as the earthy smells of the forest temper with the acrid tang of Thunderpath, she’s forced to accept that maybe she hasn’t changed quite as much as she’d like to think. There’s still that yearning in her that has always driven her paws. She needs to know, even if it’s wrong.

The border is close now, and she catches another scent lurking under the dirt and fire of the forest’s edge. Soft and full, like an autumn storm, and familiar to her as the ground beneath her feet.

Tigerstar must be able to scent her too, because he chooses that moment to appear.

The tabby melts out of the shadows and into the quiet light of the moon. He seems half a shadow himself, his stripes hidden against the broken lines of fallen leaves. It is right that they meet like this, when she can remember him as a dream.

“Goldenflower,” he says. He makes no move towards her.

“Tiger–” she hesitates. “–star.” She will make no move either. “I always knew your name would end that way, one day.” She meets his eyes. “Although I didn’t think it would be like this.”

Tigerstar nods. “I understand what you’ve given up to meet me here tonight. Thank you.”

“And what is that?” Goldenflower asks, narrowing her eyes.

“I know that the way I left was not– ideal. And that you come to meet me tonight at no insignificant risk to your reputation.”

“Though I never cared as much about reputation as you,” Goldenflower responds. She lays her tail over her paws and gives him her most even stare. She doesn’t push on his designation of his banishment as ‘less than ideal’– he knows better than any of them what he’s done.

“I wanted–” Tigerstar starts. A monster whips by, eyes cutting a hole out of the dark and leaving the night somehow quieter in its absence. Tigerstar’s hackles slowly fall. He’s nervous out here. “–”a chance to talk to you.”

“That’s all?” Goldenflower asks. “You’re not going to ask me to flee to ShadowClan with you, the way you did Darkstripe and Longtail? Even Dustpelt, you offered a chance– but not me.”

Tigerstar dips his head. “I knew you wouldn’t come.”

“You were right.”

The night drifts between them for a few long moments.

“I was hoping I could explain myself,” Tigerstar says. “You will never agree with me, but I need you to know why I’ve done what I have. I know it was hard. I know it hurt.” He looks away. “It hurt me too.”

“I know why,” Goldenflower says. Her eyes catch the moon, glinting hard. “I always knew that you were hungry. This is just another way to curb the growl in your stomach, the place where you put all your power.”

Tigerstar takes a step forward. “I’m trying to make change,” he growls. “We are becoming soft, weaker with every fat Greenleaf. Not you, not me– but I’ve seen the change coming for seasons,” he says. “I fear for the forest. Goldenflower– it’s not about power–”

“It’s always been about power,” she meows. She forces her voice calm.

“It has to be me,” Tigerstar insists. “No one else has the vision. And I’m the only one who’s willing to make the sacrifices that need to be made.” He grows more sure of himself with every word. Tigerstar makes a towering figure against the setting silver disc of the crescent moon; she understands why Darkstripe wanted to follow him. He is a strong, dark river, a current that would sweep you away with him if your guard falls for even a second. She has sat at his banks and wished she could let herself fall a hundred times, but something always pulled her back. She is grateful for that, now.

Goldenflower turns her head towards home. “And what of ThunderClan? What of those you love?”

“You and the kits are the only ones that I love. The rest,” he says. “Will make their choice. Strength is a choice. If they choose to be strong, they will survive the new forest. If they take the easy path–” his claws flex. “Change does not come without sacrifice.”

“So long as it’s somebody else that gives it up,” Goldenflower states.

“You think I have not sacrificed for this?” Tigerclaw snaps. “I’ve given up my home– my kits– you– for my cause. It is a hard path, but ThunderClan lacks the strength to walk it. ShadowClan understands.”

“I understand what it means to yearn for an impossible future,” Goldenflower says. “I thought that–” she looks away, her tail twitching. “–if I was careful, and kind, and helped you grow, you would blossom into the warrior I knew you could be. Maybe I didn’t do enough. You could have been a good warrior– you could’ve been strong, Tigerclaw.”

“I am strong!” Another monster storms past, its roar one with Tigerstar’s snarl.  

“You are weaker than ever,” Goldenflower says. She stands and stretches, her demeanor icy calm. “And soon you’ll be alone. Then you’ll see what ThunderClan’s weakness is worth. When the Leafbare howls through your fur, we will keep each other warm.”

“I’ll still have you,” Tigerstar insists. “And the kits– they’ll want to know their father.”

“That’s their choice.” She turns towards camp. “I will always think of you. And I will love– a little. I will love the tomorrow we talked about together, where you are Tigerstar of ThunderClan, fierce and fair. I’ll love our kits, Bramblekit, with your pelt, and Tawnykit, with your heart. But I will not love you.”

Tigerstar starts, but she cuts him off with a flick of her tail. “I know you are just a cat, Tigerstar. I’ve seen the look in your eyes when you first saw our kits. I’ve seen you grieve. But I also know that you are a murderer, a traitor, and a monster. And I know that I will still miss you.”

She blinks slowly. “I’m tired of fighting,” she says. “But I would rather set the forest afire and burn it to the ground than let you have it.”

She strides into the forest, ignoring the ache in her heart. She will not look back.