#am i projecting meaning that doesn't exist onto this? yes i fucking am that's what media is for

[maple-keenes]

people hear "jojo is for the queers" and think it's because of the outfits and the queer undertones (and overtones, i refuse to believe it's all unintentional, abbacchio and bucciarati i'm looking at you two specifically) but it's actually because the "stand users attract other stand users" thing is a really good metaphor for how queer friend groups form and the idea of only certain people being able to see a part of yourself speaks to the queer experience like crazy

[generalpalacefishgoop]

You know the posts recently about bbh neg on twter, the timing of it with that going on, makes me want to hurl, they don't give a shit about "victims" or the real issues. They just want to dunk on the next cc they hate using the current "momentum".

You know what, I say let them go ahead and try to "cancel" Bad, really, go ahead. They're just regurgitating shit DSMP fans has said over the years again and again about Bad. Its fcking funny actually. Oh not forgetting they had to invent new ones or ones THAT THEIR FAVES HAVE DONE TOO BTW, to "cancel" Bad. To think I was looking forward to QSMP fans being "healthier" or "better" than DSMP ones, oh boy am I sorely disappointed.

Let them run their mouths about Bad. Cuz I'm 100% sure the CCs , QSMP admins, and Quackity give 0 shit about them. Etoiles knows and has already expressed how he knows that Bad is overly hated by the fandom and how he receives neg on the daily. Despite knowing that, he's still cordial with Bad. And he even expressed how he tries to not be "angry" or "frustrated" at Bad or else the parasocial fucks will come running to "defend" him from "evil" BBH when he has said a million times over that its not a fcking big deal, and hes just expressing himself NOT IN A NEG WAY. but noooo parasocial fucks be like "oh no my skunkrly wrunkly his feelings got hurt oh no" same shit with foolish fans. Fcking blind af. Esp the new ones who hasnt experienced the prank wars in dsmp. Fcking joyless fucks who cant handle a fcking block game that theyre not even playing. But thankfully, Etoiles stopped being so concerned, and well, yk with Foolish lmao same old same old.

(Disclaimer: SOME FANS NOT ALL, IM TALKING ABOUT THE TOXIC PARASOCIAL FUCKS, YES EVEN THE BIG ACCOUNTS ON TWITTER WITH THOUSANDS OF FOLLOWERS. You know who. Big numbers doesn't mean they're more RIGHT. A parasocial fuck is a parasocial fuck. Also, when I say parasocial, I mean the ones who are toxic and project themselves onto the CC. Being parasocial is fine, if it's the healthy kind, if you know what I mean)

I digress, there's no fcking unfollows or subtweets from CCs to Bad, unlike with D or F. In fact, some CCs and CLOSE FRIENDS of Bad's have always praised Bad and defended him TO THIS DAY. If that is not enough of an indication of how unproblematic he is, Idk what else to say. Just fuck off and live a life in constant misery and hatred ig. That's why don't respond to fucks like that. Just mute em. They can yap all they want but it means SHIT ALL if you don't see it. BBH's community is WAY WAY smaller than the whole fandom (and theres wayyy more toxic fucks) so bbhs community saying shit back to the toxic shits will also mean SHIT ALL. They CLEARLY don't watch Bad anyways so what's the point. Better way to deal with this shit is fight the misinformation, that's all. Spread more positivity and give ppl FULL context and CORRECT information. If you see some shit against Bad, report it and send it to whatever ban list qsmp uses. Send it to mods or something. Ik that Bagi's discord has something like that.

Oh but ppl be like /rp or /lh or "it's just my opinion", who gives a shit. Still report them. We're not dumb. The mods or whoever admins are not dumb. That negative toxic fuck smell on it, is fcking obvious enough.

STOP GIVING THEM ENGAGEMENTS. We can happily stay in each others bubbles without ever talking to each other, AND THAT IS FINE. Don't let the negative fucks in. Mute and report them, and I guarantee you, that fcking stranger on the Internet, you'll forget within DAYS. those fuckers won't even exist to you, vice versa.

THEIR WORDS HOLD NO POWER OVER YOU OR THE QSMP COMMUNITY. KEEP THE QSMP COMMUNITY HEALTY AND SAFE. Fuck them toxic shits.

[legandairy-horror]

Headcannons about how the Lightner crew show affection for each other because I can't stop imagining these dorks as the world's most confusing and disastrous polycule

Kris

Feral animal in all things, including relationships. Is very particular when it comes to physical touch and other displays of affection. Instead they give out cool rocks and other shiny things to people they like/care. Has had a crush on every person in their class at one point or another and simultaneously refuses to acknowledge it and refuses to move on. Subconsciously uses their pranking and general weirdness as an excuse to get closer to people without having to admit that they like being around them

Susie

That one "Excuse me, they asked for no pickles" meme. Is willing to commit any crime for the people they care about. Absolutely refuses to acknowledge the fact that they have feelings for anyone even after going out on several dates with them. Not helped by poor self-worth issues making he doubt anyone actually liking her let alone romantic feelings. Deeply infatuated with Noelle, strong feelings for Kris. Complicated for Catti (started out real rough but thinks dark magic is sick as fuck)

Noelle

Lesbiab. Lasbein. Girls. Has such a low self-image of herself and tries so unbelievable hard to hide how weird she is that she just does not realize that every girl in class has been actively trying to date her and just assumes that they're all being nice. Not helped by some lingering Heteronormativity makes her just default to "Ah yes, boys and girls date, that's how that works".

Berdly

I cannot emphasize just how performative he views relationship. Raised on a healthy diet of Heteronormativity and Societal expectations he understands every relationship through that lens. "Of course the guy and girl get together in the end, that's just 'how it works'". Except it's not how it works, because people are often a lot more then what society expects from them. And he just never realized that there might be other options, that love isn't this destined thing that everyone one day accepts like fucking ex-caliber. That he doesn't have to do this if we doesn't want to. That he can just be friends with people instead of having to worry about all this forced bullshit. Yes I am head-cannoning Berdly as closeted aro/ace and there is nothing you can do to stop me.

Catti

Developed a crush on Kris & Noelle while she was teaching them both magic and never fully got over it. Also had somewhat of a friendship while they were younger and thus unjustly blames herself for not doing more to help them after Dess's disappearance and Kris's Possession. Combined with typical teen angst of "My parents are humiliating me by their mere existence." and she's developed a very distant and detached form of love. a very "I'm fine sacrificing my happiness if it means they keep their happiness" kinda mentality. Reason she doesn't get along with Susie at first is because she subconsciously projects a lot of her own anxieties and fear onto her leading to a lot of hostility at first.

Jockington

Token straight and is thus the only remotely competent person here. Serves as the supportive rock for everyone and especially Catti. The first and mostly likely person on the team to suggest the completely reasonable advice of "have you tried talking to them?" and "you're probably overthinking this". It's part of why Catti fell in love with him, because he's the only one here who would willing and readily admit that he cares for someone.

Bonus Monster Kid & Snowy meme (not at all serious)

"Have you ever been walking down the street with your best bro and while you're walking you accidentally touch hands? You think to yourself - That was weird, but I'm not gay. - You are, you are gay". Source

[nicki0kaye]

I think all fandoms would benefit from the knowledge that

the thing you like most about a piece of media is likely coming from YOU and not the author

so no the author is not betraying their initial intentions or forgetting the canon they've already established when they don't give you what you want

you and the author have completely different goals and that great thing you absolutely adore may just be something you projected onto the work which is fine

its the best part of fandom, actually, to look at a piece of media and have it reflected through the prism that is your personal lived experience

but every single piece of media you adore will 'betray' you if you can't separate what was your shit from what was the author's shit

I don't know how to do that entirely, but I reduced so much of my fandom related stress when I stopped needing media to give me what I wanted from it and instead was excited to see what the creator wanted to show me

It doesn't devalue the work if you realize what you like most about it is your own interpretation. That's amazing. That's so fucking cool of you. Death of the author incarnate. It used to feel like such a gut punch to realize I had made shit up about my favorite things, that I worked myself up with certain expectations and felt like such a fool when those didn't come true

its so much easier now that I'm able to separate the author from the work and then acknowledge how much I am making the work my own by interacting with it. It also helps that I learned more about the industry and the expectations imposed on directors and writers and actors and all the complex chaos inherent in getting something in front of an audience in this capitalistic hellscape. It makes the good shit that much more exciting.

I really do hope more ppl start realizing and respecting their own part in the dialogue between the creator, the creation and the audience. Looking at it that way has made me so excited to see what comes next, because I know their intentions will not come from a place of pleasing me. Yes, fanservice feels wonderful and my demographic has been largely ignored or shamelessly baited and then tossed aside, so its nice when a creator does consider what I might want, but ultimately a good creator cares about the art itself, which means they will have their own personal relationship that I can never comprehend and that will not and SHOULD not place Pleasing Me over making the art the creator was passionate to make. That's the art that matters to me and part of celebrating it is respecting it is not purely for my satisfaction or entertainment.

People pleasing does not create good art. Loving an idea, being passionate about it, needing viscerally to exorcise it from your very soul in order to continue to exist makes good art.

[drowninginredink]

WIP List

I always like it when people talk about their WIPs. I live for that. So it's my turn. But I am a one-shot writer at heart with way, way too many ideas, so here is a list of everything I'm toying with. For the record, some of these don't even have a single word written yet, and none are that far along, so don't get your hopes up too high.

Smosh One-Shots

"Feelings are so fragile" — Platonic Shaymien thing where I project really hard onto Damien. (Yes it's for the aro collection)

"Most euphoric I've ever been" — A spetney fic based the fact that yes, they're technically a m/f couple... But like, no. Put them together, you've got nonbinary lesbian vibes. Sorry Spencer, you're getting your gender transed because there's no way you and Courtney are straight.

"But what's a home?" — A Damian QPR fic. Damien/Ian is already such an interesting rarepair and then you make it a QPR and it's like... They end up living together just temporarily because Damien's housing falls through and turns out they both really miss when they used to be living with their best friends and look I know everyone likes romance but do you know how good QPR fics can be? I love the idea of them as a QPR so much?

A thing for @aro-soulmates-fest about Anthony getting all his tattoos to hide the fact that he doesn't have a soulmate one.

A murderverse one shot about Arasha because God I fucking love gang AU!Arasha

A vampire!Spencer fic where Shayne plays the role of Johnathan Harker

"And I lie like the right thing to do" — me taking @generaltrashshecox 's whole "Anthony sleeping with Damien to cope with unrequited feelings for Ian thing that I love so much and just doing my own version of it where I lean into the angst so hard. With permission from bun, don't worry

A (platonic) nintendogs fic where I decide to do a little bit of own voices stuff on the fact that The Chosen is suuuuuuuuper schizo-coded

I bought a new ray and it's time to use it. Let's make Ian aplatonic this time.

"Then it's done." Killing off Spencer. Very one-sided Spommy.

A lil smut based on Anthony asking Tommy to choke him.

Hey @generaltrashshecox infected me again and now aro4aro Antmien needs to exist

This post into a real fic

Smosh not a one shot but also kind of a one shot?

14. "Once in twenty lifetimes" — A no smosh AU that's going to go through all the different ways Ian and Anthony could have ended, choose-your-own-adventure style. And as the title suggests, only one of them is the reunion. Most are things falling apart. And also to fit the title, it's going to be in twenty chapters (although that does not mean 20 endings. I don't hate myself.). So it's multichapter, but also it'll all be posted at once so it'll basically be a one-shot. It's going to end up as kind of an epic and God I hope it turns out as good as it is in my head. Inspiration for the good endings is "Cardigan" by Taylor Swift, and for the bad endings and a lot along the way is "San Cristobal" by Mal Blum.

15. Partners (in crime) — my Changela QPR fic that was supposed to be a one-shot right up until I wrote the thing, and actually wrote a chapter one. Not sure how long that's going to be, but I like it so far.

Smosh Multichapter

(The fact that my very one-shot oriented self has multiple of these is such a problem)

16. "Puppy Love" — I don't need to say anything about this. There are already 5 chapters on AO3. Either it's extremely your shit or you're wondering what the hell I'm doing and why I'm writing this extremely specific concept. If you're wondering why I still haven't posted chapter 6, it's because that has sex in it and I fucking hate writing sex scenes so I'm procrastinating really hard.

17. "I'll use you as a warning sign" (aka the evil fic, so named because chu-tea thinks I'm evil for coming up with the plot) — yeah so what I planned for PL was just a straightforward kind of fluffy ianthony piece. And then a certain friend of mine (*cough* chu *cough*) accidentally inspired me to think of a different ending that is such hardcore angst and hurt that I absolutely needed to make it happen and have been obsessed. It's interesting when you've already made the bad decision to start a long project and then oops, now you just really want the next 6 chapters to be done already so you can write the alternate ending. This one will *really* not be everyone's shit because I will rip your heart out in 6 different ways. But God I'm obsessed. Anyway, if you want details... I'll just say "major character death" and leave it at that. Oh and rarepair.

18. "I've come back changed and I can feel it in my bones" — an AU where "what if Anthony left because he got psychosis." Basically very hardcore projection on my part. This is on the back burner for a while because obviously when I have projects that aren't going to be emotionally gutting to write, I'd much rather work on them.

Non Smosh Stuff

(I'll be honest, I'm so deep in the smosh obsession that you should not get too excited about any of these. I know myself, so I know the smosh flame will eventually burn out but these are based on things I will be obsessed with until I die. So I know they'll happen. But not for a long time)

19. A Phantom of the Opera one-shot for @aro-soulmates-fest. This is the one thing I will actually write within a reasonable amount of time, because it's due March 17.

20. "Baby, please don't bore me" — A Series of Unfortunate Events — Sunny (well, Sorrel in this version because oops I transed their gender) teams up with Olaf to find their siblings after years of separation. I find them to be a very interesting chaotic, morally gray, bantery duo.

21. "Because the same night awaits us all" — ASOUE — A Klaus/Lemony fic that I swear I will write someday. Very morally gray, very much a codependent relationship, very leaning into the age gap. Basically they're together because they do not have anyone else in the world. It's just so delicious a dynamic that I will explore I swear.

22. ASOUE — I'm still not entirely convinced I'll ever be bothered to actually write this one, but I might do a Kit/Fernald FWB thing. I'm not sure where on earth the idea of that came from, but it's been living in my head for a long time now. Long enough that there's an early one-shot version of it that I don't really like anymore on *gasp* fanfiction.net

If anyone actually bothered to read all the way to the end of this long-ass post, you deserve a medal.

[chesthighwater]

(character ask thing)

I thought everyone would ask you about Martin...... But if no one does, then I will. :^)

First impression: (havelock describes him as a brilliant tactician/strategist/what have you) oh No. no no no no. that sounds like exactly the character archetype i am into and i REFUSE. i will NOT like this guy purely because hes all tactical and smart. get thee behind me not today satan i rebuke you (sees him chained up in the stocks and being smarmy about bad circulation and mittens and What A Sight You Are In That Mask) FUCK (sees him being all silver tongued and schemey and contemplating maps) FUCK!!!!

Impression now: oh he is everything to me. i project every single thing that has ever been wrong with me onto this man. i stuff him with issues like a piñata. cunning bastard. disgustingly self-serving, always five steps ahead for nothing but his own benefit until he gets a little too comfortable and stumbles. hubris hubris hubris. he loves to fucking push it, doesn't he? he can't take the middle road. he can't be a regular overseer, oh no he has to aim for ascension and at the same time think he can afford to break public enemy nr 1 out of prison and dabble with heresy and high treason. constantly pushing it. i mean that's one of my favourite things about him. and layers upon layers of deceit. master manipulator, charming in a quiet way. not flashy, just convincing. and i rotate him in my head at all times at varying speeds and angles

Favorite moment: his entire existence. ok. every day in-game id go talk to that guy until i exhausted the dialogue options. He<3. but a moment i do particularly like is his altercation with pendleton- he's very clearly holding back At All Times and this is one of those moments (well, the only moment) we get to see him actually not subdue his anger (arent you tired of lying to randos in order to manipulate them dont you just want to go apeshit). i love the fact that he was the one who orchestrated both corvos prison break and corvos tragically failed murder. ALSO I MEAN the kingsparrow confrontation is such a memorable moment bc of all the ways it can end!!! in my first playthrough i made sure to save martin by sleepdarting him and was very disappointed that that doesnt give the "target neutralised" thing. LET ME SAVE HIM

Idea for a story: (points at my 25 page ideas folder where Every Single One is about him and laughs) i have ideas upon ideas. i have ideas no other human being would care to see. and if you talk to me about martin i WILL inevitably tell you about them

Unpopular opinion: i guess being this much of a martin enjoyer is unpopular in and of itself? :'D but i guess. i do push his negative characteristics very hard- i don't interpret him very generously, i suppose, in ways that other people sometimes do. and i guess: he's not at all particularly contradictory or cognitively dissonant he just lies a lot

Favorite relationship: ♡daudmartin♡ as per usual

Favorite headcanon: my martin headcanons could fill a book, or perhaps several, but here is one i go particularly feral for. he's smart and cunning and all of that, yes, but he knows he's smart. he firmly believes it, is incredibly confident about it, and that right there is his downfall. constantly. he underestimates others, even people he knows he should be very careful with, and gets way too comfortable thinking he can totally manage no matter what. (and this is why i love putting him in situations where that is Not the case and he cannot in fact manage) [and i had to stop myself here before i delved into YET ANOTHER headcanon]

ask me about characters if you'd like <3

[frederickkatz]

Texts: Sparky (Cameron) & Freddie

@cameronslaw

Freddie: I'm sorry my brother ambushed you

Freddie: you ok? Hope he wasn't the usual brute to you

Cam: ambush is the right description, he cornered me on the way out of the elevator

Cam: next time I'm taking the stairs lol

Cam: I'm ok tho

Cam: are you?

Freddie: I'm sorry. He's an asshole. I should've punched him.

Freddie: next time I'll try not to get lost in time so you can leave without seeing him in the lobby.

Freddie: you sure? You looked kinda freaked out.

Freddie: yeah. I'm fine

Cam: he was actually super nice! just scary lol

Cam: I was just expecting to find the way to a coffee shop, not find the embodiment of war, you know? lol but it's fine

Cam: you looked really mad when you got in

Cam: I thought you'd be mad at me or something, that's all

Freddie: was he really?

Freddie: I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd bump into him on your way out

Freddie: I was mad. He had no right or reason to be talking to you

Freddie: what? No! I was mad at him. Still am.

Freddie: It upset me to think he would've been mean to you.

Cam: yup, just your usual shovel talk

Cam: no reason to be sorry , it wasn't your fault

Cam: no harm, no fowl, right?

Cam: I didn't think you'd be protective of me

Cam: did the meeting go well after that, at least?

Freddie: That's a lie. He's not protective of me.

Freddie: you're right. It was your fault. You kept distracting me and made me lose track of time.

Freddie: if you say so

Freddie: it's more about him getting in my business

Freddie: Not as good as I expected it to go

Cam: HEY why is the blame being shifted onto me now?!

Cam: everyone's fine, no reason to exist blame in the first place!

Cam: besides, I didn't even GET to distract you as I wanted to bc you SHOVED ME OUT OF YOUR ROOM thank you very much

Cam: so rude

Cam: and I'm your business?

Freddie: Because you made me want to stay in bed longer.

Freddie: it was still your fault

Freddie: because it was already late!

Freddie: aren't you?

Cam: well I can't help it if you think I'm so hot you can't leave the bed when I'm there~

Cam: still! rude!

Cam: so you were worried Warren was messing with me?

Freddie: you're banned from my bed now

Freddie: it doesn't make it any less true

Freddie: I wasn't worried. I am upset

Cam: so we'll be doing it on the floor then?

Cam: upset because he wanted to talk to me?

Freddie: not anymore

Freddie: because he didn't even had a reason to talk to you

Freddie: how would you feel if you found me talking to your brother about you?

Cam: oh so you're not gonna fuck me anymore, is that it?

Cam: but he had a reason to talk to me

Cam: what makes you think we were talking about you?

Freddie: you're being a brat

Freddie: really?

Freddie: do you really think I'm that stupid to believe that you weren't?

Cam: that's not a no

Cam: am I being a brat or am I just being right tho?

Cam: is it so hard to believe that we actually talked about my work?

Cam: he just wanted to introduce himself and ask if we were dating

Freddie: is not a yes either

Freddie: you're being a brat and you know I'm not particularly fond of that

Freddie: Yes! Why would he stop you coming from my room to talk to you about work?

Freddie: that fucker! I should've punched him

Cam: ha! trick question, you're not fond of anything!

Cam: well we actually did talk about my work

Cam: and it was actually important to me, since I was hoping he'd be a sponsor in my foster home project

Cam: and maybe he's just curious about what you've been up to?

Cam: didn't you talk to him about Maya?

Freddie: you're right. I'm not

Freddie: you didn't mention you needed sponsors. I would've help you by talking to him

Freddie: he's never curious. He doesn't care about anything that's not relevant to him

Freddie: he just wanted to mess things up for me

Freddie: No. He doesn't talk to me about her, and I don't ask because it's none of my business

Cam: you said you guys weren't close, I didn't want to put you in a tough spot

Cam: maybe you're relevant to him?

Cam: how would he mess things up for you?

Cam: well, you should. he perks right up when you mention her.

Freddie: we're not but I still would've helped you

Freddie: because I knew he would misinterpret what we have and make it complicated with his stupid talk about feelings

Freddie: I don't care. It's still none of my business

Cam: that's nice to know, thanks

Cam: oh. so you were afraid he'd talk about feelings with me?

Cam: it's none of your business until you want it to be. People like to talk about things they care about, you know?

Freddie: you could've told me

Freddie: No. I just don't like it that he tried to talk to you about something he knows nothing about and that is not his fucking business

Freddie: why is it so hard to understand I don't want this to be anyone's business but ours?

Freddie: well I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm not a person. I'm not people and what my siblings do is none of my business

Cam: I could. I just didn't know you cared about what I did at work

Cam: he wanted to talk about it because he knows nothing about it, that's usually the case when people ask questions

Cam: oh, I didn't know you wanted it to be a secret

Cam: sorry, my bad then

Freddie: really? Wow. Glad to know you don't really listen to me

Freddie: you can't know that. You don't know him

Freddie: that's doesn't even makes sense Cameron

Freddie: this is exactly why I didn't want him to talk to you

Freddie: you're asking me about things that haven’t been a problem before

Cam: what are you so mad at me for? we never talk much about my work, and that's fine, we don't talk much about yours either

Cam: right, sorry, I forgot I have no idea what I'm talking about, since you were the one he was talking to, right?

Cam: I'm not questioning you about anything!

[ incoming call ]

[gibbearish]

alrighty im doing my best to reply relatively nicely because while your response is so deeply fucking condescending and rude that I would be justified in immediately blocking you just for being an asshole, it's also clearly coming from a place of misdirected frustration over your husband's job struggles so im trying to give you the benefit of the doubt

nowhere did i say that i expect internet employees to work for free to serve Me Specifically or that they "don't deserve to pay their bills", that is something you projected onto this. yes, i do believe the internet should be free, AND i believe the employees should be able to live, and i think a system that makes that impossible is indeed fucked up and am allowed to express a desire to want a better one. you said "you can bemoan capitalism but it is the structure we currently reside in" as a cop out but like. yeah, it is the system we currently reside in, and i do think that sucks ass so yeah i am gonna complain about it, that's what this post is, it's me bemoaning capitalism. i'm sorry that in your brain that translated to "the other victims of capitalism don't matter to me as long as i get out on top" but once again that is your projection, not what i said.

and yeah, you're right, even if it's not what i was doing the revolution doesn't start by demanding free labor of others. you know what else doesn't start the revolution though? saying anyone who is frustrated with the way things work now is inherently selfish and infuriatingly self centered just for wanting things to be free. when you say "yes capitalism is bad but theres nothing we can do about it so don't complain about the way things are" you are the crab trying to pull me back into the bucket, you said i "want to be the rich capitalist myself" but of the two of us, only one of us is arguing to keep around the whole "everything must cost money" thing here and it sure isn't me lol

like overall i think the lens youre looking at this post through is "this is my husband's job, it's what he's paid for, therefore anyone saying they want it to be free is saying he shouldn't be paid, and therefore they are advocating for money to be taken directly from us so that they can live it up like kings" which is an understandable pov but takes a LOT of leaps. now to be fair i didnt actually include an asterisk on the post saying i aggressively support UBI and even further think the entire concept of money and paying for ANYTHING should be destroyed so that employees wouldnt HAVE to work at all, but i also think autofilling that nonexistent asterisk with "by the way i don't think anything else about the world should change, just that internet employees should work for free to serve me personally:)" is a big stretch. and to be fair i think at some point you realized thats what i was saying which is why you added in all the "you can be mad but its The Way Things Are soooo" caveats, the system sucking is such an obvious answer that in order for me to still be the villain trying to personally steal your husband's money, you have to preemptively cut it off. which is even funnier considering in the post you say "What do you mean free? For whom?" and then continue as if i had responded "for me and me alone, let the peasants be crushed beneath my heel on my way to ad free youtube" without stopping to think i might just maybe possibly mayhaps have meant free for everyone. so to be perfectly clear:

- i think the internet should be free for everyone

- i think housing should be free for everyone

- i think food should be free for everyone

- i think money should not exist at all

- i think capitalism is evil

- i think no one should have to work to survive and want all work to be voluntary

and finally:

- i think your husband should like. join a union or get a better job so that you're not so stressed about it that you take a random post very personally and proceed to be excessively rude and condescending to the poster while completely misunderstanding the point they were making.

what's interesting abt all this too is despite all the excuses you make for capitalism here, that's really where this anger should be directed. me making a silly one paragraph tumblr dot com post is not the cause of your husbands shitty pay or shitty hours or shitty work conditions, capitalism is. but as you said we can't really /do/ anything about capitalism individually so it's much easier to want to direct your anger at something different, and "blogger who said a thing that sounds kind of like 'your husband shouldnt be paid while everyone else still is' if you squint really hard" is as good a target as any so i do get it to a certain degree. again, SUPER couldve done without the intense condescension about how fucking dumb and selfish do i have to be to dare to want free stuff, but i can at least see how you got from point A to point B

anyways. tldr no i do not think society should be divided into "the rich people with free everything" and "the unpaid peons who suffer and die to make the rich ppls stuff free" nor is that what i said, and "that's just the way capitalism is" is not the bulletproof shutdown you seem to think it is. i know that's just the way capitalism is, that's why i want it to change. i think that's a reasonable desire even if i personally can't just snap my fingers and fix it, and trying to shut down arguments for ways things could be better with "but thats not how things work right now" is actively detrimental to progress because it's saying we should just lay down and accept the current circumstances rather than making a fuss. you can do that if you want, however you cannot demand other people do the same (see what i did there)

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

[perpetual-fool]

New Vegas is inkblotting me, probably.

I'm out of brain juice but want to get this out for posterity. There was an incident where someone was shortly going to perform a simple task, I asked them what they were going to do and they gave me a vague and contradictory answer. Because of a comment they made, I speculated that they were intentionally giving me a vague answer so that I could project whatever I wanted onto it, and then they could lie and say there were going to do whatever it was I wanted. They confirmed this.

So, what was supposed to happen: I dishonestly ask a leading question, "are you doing the thing that I want?". They lie and say 'yes', then do what I implicitly told them to do instead of whatever they had been planning.

They confirmed, except objecting to my referring to any of it as dishonest. And I can hear the evil voice in my head arguing, so I'll explain. An honest question is one where I ask about something, and I'm asking about the something. A dishonest question is one where I'm pretending to ask about something, but I'm not actually asking. You see, if I say one thing but mean something else, that's lying. For the same reason, if they hadn't yet decided what to do, giving me an answer other than "I haven't decided yet" is lying. If they had decided but would change their plans depending on my input, then telling me something that's not that is lying. If they just didn't want to tell me, then telling me anything other than some variant of "I don't want to tell you" is lying. And yes, sometimes it would be reasonable to lie about things. But I'm not going to get into that, because that is itself a dishonest objection. We are discussing the idea that they are lying, not whether the lying was justified. And trying to play a shell game with that proves you fucking know it's lying. Anyway,

They said that they believe lies like this are truth. It fits. Some of the lies they tell are so bizarre they'd only make sense if someone's concept of reality was totally fucked. ("Yes, the words I am saying right now convey no meaning at all and are in fact random noises I am making for no reason.") And they seem genuinely surprised whenever I explain what honest behavior would look like. I'd like to have a better grasp of it, but of course freely replacing concepts with different concepts leaves you with no meaningful logic. I'm not really satisfied with that. Like, where do the lies come from? to what end? What is the utility of telling yourself that shit you fucking made up ex nihilo is the way the world works?

But yeah, the game. I've been trying to figure it out again, spending hours on it at a time. For instance, not being allowed to buy special ammunition in meaningful amounts. which means it may as well not exist, so then why is it even in the game? I was thinking this sort of thing is also a result of being vague and contradictory on purpose so that players will project whatever they want to believe onto the game. Like, apparently, the radscorpions were given DT because players expected them to be armored, even though that doesn't make any sense. And conversely, deathclaws don't look like they should have any DT, but they do for some reason.

In short, shit doesn't make sense because it's been distorted to fit expectations I do not have. You're supposed to gaze at the tea leaves and see whatever you want to see. But I, honestly trying to figure out what's there, just see a pile of shit. And people keep gaslighting me about it.

[kingudon]

Then Do It Yourself

I'm totally projecting onto Logan here. Written in the span of a day btw.

Hurt/comfort

Tw: yelling

<_____________________________________________>

Words bounced across his skull. He couldn't focus. He had to focus. They were counting on him. They always were though.

A knock followed by a gentle call of his name grabbed the man's attention.

"Logan?"

"Come in," he calls back.

Another slips into the room, "I was just wondering if-" the other cuts himself off "Oh, I see you're busy. I'll come back later."

Logan sighed, "You obviously came by for something, so please Patton just spit it out."

Patton was shocked. Logan hardly snapped at anyone unprovoked. Granted Logan hadn't meant to snap at Patton in the first place. It just happened,,,

A tension filled the air and Logan was getting more frustrated as the seconds passed.

"Patton," He pressed.

"Right," This brought him to, " Roman and I wanted to know if you'd be available to look over something we wrote?"

Logan simply nodded; not fully conscious of his actions. He really wanted Patton to leave and be left alone.

Patton beamed, "Thanks Lo, you're the best!"

You're the best.

The best..

Best...

Then how come he didn't feel like he was the best? How come anytime they proclaim such it feels like a lie? And how come he still CAN'T FOCUS?!

"Perhaps a break will do me good," Logan mumbled to himself.

He makes his way to the kitchen, leaving the sanctuary of his room. He could Virgil curled up in a corner of the couch, a book in hand. Patton and Roman excitedly talking about their project. Roman spots Logan.

"Oh look who left the lab!" The jab didn't make Logan feel better.

"Not now Roman," He mumbled.

"You ok, kiddo?" Patton's voice full of concern.

"I'm merely tired."

Virgil hadn't said anything, but he to looked to Logan with concern. He really did want to say something, but he also knew Logan. Pressing the matter won't making it any better.

All their eyes stayed on him. The feeling made Logan want hide. He could. He could sink back down to his room. If they stared a second longer, he just might. Unfortunately before Logan had the chance to escape he's being summoned elsewhere.

He reappears to find Thomas in front of him. Logan can feel the frustration building. All he wants is to be left alone. Is that too much to ask? Yes, because when you this bunch you're always needed. Logan puts up his best facade and greets Thomas.

"Salutations Thomas."

"Hey Logan, you got a minute?" Thomas asked.

Logan sighed, "I believe I didn't have a choice in the matter."

A nervous chuckle left Thomas, "Sorry that's the fastest way I know to get you here."

"What was it you needed?" Logan questioned.

"Oh yeah, I wanted to know how next week's filming schedule is going?"

This simple question irked Logan more than it should've. He works on the schedule all the time. This time shouldn't be any different, and yet it is. Logan looked anywhere but Thomas. A new feeling rising under all the frustration and sadness. Guilt.

"I still have yet to finish it," he mumbled.

"How come it's not done? Thomas asked, "You know I need it by Thursday night."

The dam broke.

Logan's attention snapped towards Thomas. His eyes burning with rage, glowing a brilliant amber. A scowl replaced the neutral expression.

"Then why don't you do it yourself?" Screamed Logan.

Thomas shrank, "Aren't I technically-"

Logan cut off the shakey reply.

"No, you are not. I may be a facet of your being, but you are not me. I'm my own person for fuck's sake. Not a robot either. I have feelings, damn it! Just because I say they're the bane of my existence doesn't mean they're there. Why can't any of you see that? I am sick and tired of not being listened to. I deserve respect all the same!"

He was screaming now. Unfortunately, Logan was too blinded by his emotions he didn't notice he was drawing in a crowd. Those who came up to check up on them were horrified. Never has he acted out. Never has Logan cried,,,?

"Are you crying?" Virgil finally spoke.

He stopped. Bringing a hand to his cheek, Logan could feel them. He shocked even himself. Logan doesn't cry, he's never cried. But things always change, don't they?

Zwoop

Orange eyes land on the forgotten project. Anger flares within Logan. A roar escaped him as he swiped desk clear. Locking on the half finished schedule again, Logan snatched it up. His hands worked feverishly to tear up the past work. With a huff, the shreds fall to the floor.

Anger subsidies and gives way to the sadness he felt. Tears streamed down his face like a waterfall. Logan sinks to his floor and sits with his back against the bed.

"FUCK!" He screamed.

Sobs racked through his body as more tears fell.

Knock knock knock

Please go away, Logan enternally begged. The intruder didn't get the hint. A figure entered the room, and surveyed the scene. He let a small hum, but payed no mind to the mess. The snake took a few steps and sat next to Logan. Logan kept his head down, and the other did nothing to force his gaze.

"Would you like me to finish the schedule for you?" He spoke.

"That'd be much appreciated," he sniffles, "Thank you, Janus."

Janus hums again. They both sat in comfortable silence. Logan felt the waves of exhaustion crash into him. Maybe a nap wouldn't hurt right? He leaned to his right, landing on Janus' shoulder. He glances down at Logan, but says nothing. He'll let him have this. Not even ten minutes later and soft snores can be heard from the jam loving man. Janus softly smiles, removing his glasses and tucking them in a breast pocket. He examines the mess around him.

Suppose I can get started on that schedule while I wait, Janus thought. He summoned the necessary tools and gets to work.

[batman-gif]

Ok it's 12 am for me pretty pretty please let me chime in here this whole post is yes and awesome and "he is a machine" will echo in my head for the next week and if I may add my slight addition- my personal interpretation, one obviously slathered in my own bias and personal view of this text that means a lot to me is that- underlying his ambition, his familiarity within violence this society he exists in and only knows how to exist in as a perpetuator of violence- is just, an attempt at being anything. I know he is our central character but it feels compelling to me how differently Macbeth talks than his peers from scene ONE and it's not that his peers are stupid or that he's like a misunderstood woe-is-me genius because I think that is NOT what the text is getting at but rather, hm, rather Macbeth strikes me as someone who doesn't know how to be. Like how to be a human. His relationship dynamic is unconventional to the time period he is insecure about masculinity he seems to stumble about trying to find out what it is and then when he decides he found it tries to fit everything he does into that box. ( Specifically referencing "are you a man" talk smash cutting to his weird speech to Banquos murders about how there are a bunch of types of men and they gotta be MURDER MEN because uhm uhhh ) the way he talks differently from his peers?? Like on a very textual level don't even let me get into how two central figures in the play use alliteration HIM and the WITCHES, the witches are obvious they're alliterating in half of their speeches but Macbeth does too and it's ONLY HIM. ( Two truths are told + the swift the slow the subtle ) HE KINDA TALKS LIKE THE WITCHES IN MANY SUBTLE WAYS. ACTUALLY. DON'T GET ME STARTEDDD ( I am started ) on act one scene one witches going "fair is foul and foul is fair" only for Macbeth to say "so foul and fair a day I have not scene" AS HIS FIRST FUCKING LINE. GOD. DO YOU GET IT. Macbeth is different he's separate something deep within him is of the unnatural of the wicked and I think he knows it deep deep down I think it's why he is so controlled by others at every stage of his life I think it's why he can not ever ever escape guilt because he is determined by others and to take the lives of those determiners is for the miner in the cave to kill his own canary. He is so human and yet so other. I think. I think it is a distant unfixed awareness that he is in a text, he cannot place it, he will never place it but Macbeth ( as a play not a guy for a moment ) frequently references the audiences role in the story the role of a text to its characters. The witches do a forth wall break at one point referencing the trumpets that the other characters cannot here but the audience can when Macbeth and Banquo walk in. If we are to see Macbeth as tied uncannily and horribly to the witches unnaturalness in some way by extension he too carries this burden. But no one told him. He will never know that he is the foul player in the tragedy of being known most intimately by an audience you can never know or meet. I think that's why he does it. All of it. Because he's trying to become something- king, violent, real, a person. I think he can feel the slight invisible border between him and everyone else and he lets it control him, guide him, he lets ambition overtake him because to be ambitious would make him tangibly present in this space, it would mean it all means something very real. I think he knows something he's not supposed to. I think he is scared.

Or maybe I'm just a freak projecting feelings onto a play about how murder is bad because you will feel bad I dunno guys don't let me talk about Macbeth I do this.

macbeth really is such a fascinating guy because when he's thinking about doing the murder he actually sits with himself for a second and goes "if i do this, i'm signing over my immortal soul, and i'm probably going to be miserable with guilt" and then he does it and is miserable with guilt. and it makes him very very interesting! because it's not an impulse thing! he knows! so what makes a person make that choice? what amount of personal ambition, what lust for glory, what amount of wifely-pressure-fueled conception-of-masculinity-as-violence can get someone to do that?

because it isn't idiocy. he knows damn well. and none of his asides, none of his elaborate visually-fantastical speeches or deft metaphors, are the words of a blundering dumbass. personally, i think the core of macbeth is exactly what we find out before he ever steps on stage: he's a soldier, and more than that, he;s a killer. and he's extremely good at it. fuck diplomacy--basically every single problem he faces in the play is one he tries to kill his way out of, because it's the only strategy he knows. at some point, i don't even think it's just manhood-as-violence for him; it's personhood-as-violence. in 3.1 he threatens to get into the lists against fate, against the price of his own defiled soul; at the end, he resolves to go down fighting no matter what. as much as people love to joke about macbeth being foolhardy and easily-pressured and not looking more than five minutes into the future--the guy knows. but all he's ever done, all he can do, is fight. he's not a fool. he's a machine.

but also, fascination aside, what the fuck is wrong with him lmfao my guy you KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN

[bloodyspade0000]

30-day knb challenge: Day 1- Favorite Male character

↳ Haizaki Shougo

I am not justifying Haizaki's behaviour. I think he needs a tall glass of respect woman juice and therapy. This is just meant to explain why he is my favourite character and help you better understand him as a character. Do not send hate or take my words out of context. You will be reported, deleted and cancelled. Thank you and enjoy. :)

My favourite character is Haizaki Shougo *dodges tomatoes* a lot of people in the fandom hate this guy for many reasons. It's kind of funny how many people hate him and the amount of hate he gets just for existing. Like bruh; he's sixteen, leave him alone. 😂

His whole existence is just sad. He was literally created to be hated.

Like straight up, Tadatoshi Fujimaki even admitted that he hated Haizaki. Haizaki's sole purpose of existing is to make the Generation of Miracles look better even though they’re just as problematic as he. No one is fucking perfect and is about time people woke the fuck up and realized it. Your faves are problematic move the fuck on.

Yes, the Miracles are redeemable but so is Haizaki. Yet, unlike the Miracles, he does not get redeemable. No, he disappears and is never seen again. Like bitch, what the fuck!? if you’re gonna introduce a character to only have them disappear for a long time and either have them show up again or just never mention them again. Wasting the potential they had to be a very good character or not having them redeem themselves while the other characters who were just as fucking problematic get a fucking redemption arc because they’re fucking main characters!? What’s the point of that character even existing in the first place? What kind of bullshit is that? Just to have them exist to make the main characters look good? How the fuck does that make sense? Like where is my Haizaki redemption arc? Do I have to write it on my own? I will write it. I am writing one.

Haizaki is the only character I could relate to. Being second best, struggling to find somewhere to fit in and overshadowed and replaced by someone everyone thinks is better than you. It's fucking depressing, okay? You spend your whole life thinking you’re not good enough, and it hurts. I don't feel like going too deep into it because I don't owe you a detailed explanation of my trauma, okay?. So I'll save that for my fics where I self-project half of it onto Haizaki. It’s a coping mechanism, okay? Therapy is fucking expensive.

The anime ruined his whole character, got rid of his whole arc and shorted it down, and made him worse than he really is.

A post explaining how the anime did him dirty and goes more in-depth about his character

I am not trying to justify his actions, i.e. him manhandling Alex and beating Himura up. He does terrible shit. We all do lousy shit sometimes, but that doesn't make us bad people. Making mistakes is a part of being human, and we're supposed to hold people accountable for their actions and help them realize what they’re doing is wrong, allowing them to grow and change. Not condemn them and ostracize them, which leads to isolation and a lot of psychological trauma and self-hatred, and as someone who has dealt with—is still dealing with all three. It is not fun. It makes living painful. Highly unrecommended.

Haizaki does not have a positive role model in his life nor anybody he can turn to, everyone has already given up on him. Even Nijimura and Kuroko didn’t even try to help him, being more focused on the Miracles. (Yes, I know kuroko tried to stop him from throwing his basketball shoes away, but that doesn’t fucking count because after that Kuroko just gave up on Haiazki too). Haizaki has probably grown grew up knowing only violence and not a single ounce of kindness, turning him into the bitter and angry little boy he is.

Haizaki had so much potential. But instead of making him a great villain that potential was WASTED on fucking Kise.

Also, the Kaijo vs Seirin match in the winter cup was completely useless because Kise already got redeemed and he literally got no character development from it.

And Seirin was gonna fucking win anyways because duh thier the main characters. 🙄

Now some headcanons I think about a lot:

1. He gets abused. Some psychological behavioural consequences of child abuse are unhealthy sexual practices and juvenile delinquency, and Haizaki exhibits all three which are some external behaviours of most (NOT ALL) male abuse victims. Haizaki's a womanizer, aggressive, hostile and violent. Yet, he backs down when someone stronger than him comes around and puts him in his place i.e. Aomine and Nijimura.

a factsheet explaining the long term consequences of child abuse and neglect

How to help a friend dealing with family abuse or neglect

How to Handle Abuse

2. He's a victim. And when you're a victim, you either become angry and cynical with everything and everyone around you, swearing never to be a victim again and struggle with gaining back control of your life. Not wanting anyone to see you being vulnerable because being vulnerable makes you weak. Being weak makes you shatter. You always shatter like glass, cutting yourself every time you pick up broken pieces, watching as blood trickles through your fingers.

Your body is constantly on high alert. The default is flight or fight—survival to the fittest.

Or you bite your lip and keep your head down, bottling everything inside and looking for escapes or seeking validation. You want to be wanted and loved because you struggle with loving and accepting yourself. There's always a voice in the back of your head telling you, you're not good enough or that it's your fault. That everything is your fault. Self-hatred and self-doubt are your tormentors.

Or it's a combination between both—a constant struggle.

And I believe Haizaki portrays both from the way he acts and presents himself. Especially since his motto is literally "Survival of the fittest,” and he had once told Kuroko, " there are bad guys and then the really scary people," or something along those lines, which I believe he is talking from experience. You learn from your experiences. They either make you or break you.

3. He's touch-starved.

What Does It Mean to Be Touch Starved?

4. He's bisexual and has a lot of internalized homophobia. I can just feel his internalized homophobia rolling off of him. Bruh, I just know cuz I am bisexual, and I have struggled with internalized homophobia and still sadly struggle with it cuz I grew up surrounded by homophobic people.

I still live with them. 😭

Also, we live in a society that thinks straight is the default.

What internalized homophobia is.

5. His sexual awakening was probably Aomine or Kise. Could be both 😂?

6. He cries himself to sleep every night.

7. He's observant and a great judge of character. It's a fact. This guy literally predicted the downfall of the Miracles. Straight up warned Kuroko too. Too bad Kuroko didn't listen to him.

8. He's hilarious. When he first appeared in the manga, he literally called Himura a loser, lol. XD

9. He's a closeted softie and a total tsundere.

10. doesn't know how to react to kindness and will think you're threatening him or will feel really awkward and uncomfortable but will cover it up with his scowl, or he'll have a breakdown.

11. needs a lot of reassurance and head pats

12. swears a lot. Has no filter.

13. His bother is in the yakuza or some high position of power, and he feels inferior to him. It also explains why Haizaki gets away with things because he would have been kicked out of school if his bother wasn't either-or. I'm talking about his bother being in the yakuza, lol. XD

14. He and Momoi dated for a while but broke up on a mutual understanding that thier relationship just didn't work out. They're best friends and hang out sometimes.

15. Haizaki's good with kids and just genuinely likes them. He would be a great father and try his best to raise his kids right.

16. He gets sick really easily

17. He's clingy

18. He has no friends, mainly because he doesn't want people to get close to him because he's afraid of getting hurt again. Also, everyone in knb hates him.

19. He watches cartoons cuz he was never allowed to watch them when he was a kid. His childhood is trash, okay?

20. He hides in the closet because that's where he feels safe the most—rhetorically and literally.

21. Sleep-deprived and only runs on caffeine and spite.

List of fics that portray Haizaki better than the anime:

Heavy is the head by extrastellar

Idle Hands by DarkWoods

Another Chance by regretting my username_ (777imou_offline367)

What Matters is that We're Together by StrawFairy

06:00:00 of Haizaki Shougo (4) by ReiClien

This Is Happening by SharkGirl

What is Love by voices_in_my_head

A completely uncalled catharsis by oddball

One-shots

intertwined, under a spell by kornevable

ԼƠƔƐ & ӇΛƬƐ by Arthuria_PenDragon

delirium by extrastellar

me with you by doublejoint

Turn My Camera On by wordsliketeeth

At Summer's End by doublejoint

Taste by Hibari1_san

I Can't Get Enough of You by HisDarkSecret

I don't care if it hurts by llowsywriter

Ashes by doublejoint

broken things by lowsywriter

Series:

Finally found each other by suzakukills

This Is Happening Universe by SharkGirl

DNA by flowerway

My WIPS:

Isn’t it lovely?

Broken Crown

Love me, Love me, Love me

Grey skies

Rabbit hole

A playlist of songs that I believe fit Haizaki

Kuroko’s basketball’s manga

In conclusion, You can hate Haizaki as much as you want. But just keep it to yourself. Haizaki is my baby and I will protect him with my life.

[alastair-1205]

Am I allowed to add to this? I Wanna add to this because it has opened my eyes omg. I have a lot of unrelated thoughts so just bare with me and my somewhat weird organization lol. I'm also gonna make a cut off cuz this went stupid L o n g.

The idea of Jordana and Arin being two sides of the same coin!!! Amazing yes and it's so so true. They're both searching for that approval, but what makes them so different is how the people around them react to that.

Arin is the one who's been held up to higher expectations due to his homemade spinjizu, and becasue of that he feels like he can never live up to what everyone said he was capable of and what the world may one day demand of him . Kinda like Morro a little bit. They're just coming off a fight where 2 of their allies 'died' and I can't imagine that's feel all that great when he thinks he's failing to measure up to the standards needed to save the world. He's less then just someone falling behind, he's becoming a liability that might get someone hurt or worse which just adds to the already feelings of hurt pride and not met expectations and disappointed mentors/idol figures.

Meanwhile nobody expects anything of Jrodana and it infuriates her. Sora forgets her name and that she even exists, Ras hands duties over to Cinder, LaRow was willing to toss her aside for Sora's smarts almost instantly, Jay wouldn't really pay much attention to her cuz he's focusing on the other guy who knows spinjitzu now (Arin), and I'd bet good money her parents did something similar if she was willing and able to just leave Impirium that easily. She's constantly searching for those expectations that Arin had thrust upon him becasue it would mean that people actually take her seriously. That they think she has something to offer, and that they actually notice her and her skills enough to realize that in the first place.

It's also even worse because she seems like she actually could become a very big threat/asset if given the chance. We don't see a lot of just straight up magic users and the ones we have were all shown to be really powerful. Jordana managed to learn enough in -at the very most but probably less than- a year to be able to conduct/hijack an ancient ritual. That's something I'd expect Clouse to pull and he mentored fucking Garmadon.

And on the topic of Arin and Jordana. I find it so insane that in this situation they would both be put in a position to resent Sora. Jordana does for obvious and already discussed reasons, but then there's Arin who, as Cable mentioned, would be watching as Sora managed to do everything he couldn't all while having an elemental power as well. The perfect mentee where he is the one who failed.

And for the record I don't think Arin could every fully hate Sora, not really at least. I think if he did, it would be more him projecting his own self-hatred and irritation onto her than anything else. That being said I could totally see a situation where Jordana is talking about how much she despises Sora, and Arin, in his head, is kinda agreeing at first. And then being absolutely horrified at his own thoughts because that's still Sora no matter how mad he is at her for lying to him and being so much better at everything that him and having a cool elemental power... And then he's even more freaked out that his own feeling are so similar to Jordana's at all. But at then end of the day he still switched sides for reasons he still believes in, and even if not, it'd be a bit late to back out by then. So, like with him not helping Jordana even if he manages to see some of himself in her, he doesn't help himself either by just letting those feelings sit there and linger instead of confronting them. Had he done that from the start he wouldn't even be in this mess to begin with but feelings are hard so it's understandable.

(On a semi related note and because I can't think of where else to put this. I think that Arin's resentment of anyone if it were to exist would never extend to someone like Lloyd like it might with other characters, becasue all of Arin's insecurities come from a place of feeling like He Himself failed somehow. So even if he ended up projecting onto Sora becasue she's an easy target, that internal logic wouldn't track onto someone like Lloyd. Just smth I thought of that I think is fun ANYWAY)

OK AND MY LAST POINT IM SO SORRY LOL. Is that for as much as Ras has all of his team trapped in a cycle of their own and everyone else's fucked up emotions (Jay's confused, Jordana's angry, Cinder's cocky and Arin's desperate), the system he's created is still fragile and bound to fail eventually which is what makes it's existence at all so interesting. Like they're all in competition with each other in some way whether they realize it or not, and that can only sustain itself for so long. On top of that, the fact that all of them are in vulnerable emotional states also makes the entire thing fragile, because the second one of them snaps or strikes out or switches sides, everything will start to fall apart (say for example, Jordana getting a redemption, plz Ninjago I am begging).

Ras won't be able to hide Jay's identity from the ninja forever; Arin figured it out after like 20 collective minutes. Ras can only disregard and belittle Jordana for so long before she either leaves, is convinced to switch sides, or betrays Ras. Arin has a lot of people on the good side who love and would chase after him for a long ass time before giving up, and also, Ras can only make Arin do so much as a 'villain' before Arin refuses to follow him becasue at the end of the day Arin is a hurt person not a bad one. And honestly I don't think we know enough about Cinder for me to say what would be enough to make him ditch or revolt (especially considering he already shattered his soul and we don't know how to fix that yet if it can be fixed) but I'd say that if the rest of Ras' main group left, he'd either try to undermine Ras to get power for himself, or just strike out on his own as an insanely powerful elemental master.

But yea I think that's it lmao. There's just a lot to talk about when it comes to this group of people and how fucked up they are.

I have put more thought into this than an other essay I've ever written, and it took like 4 hours becasue I kept getting distracted. Thank you and my bad for lowkey hijacking a post.

“wolf clan jay becomes jordana’s mentor” yes i love that idea. but have you considered: wolf clan jay becomes a corrupted arin’s mentor.

arin finding jay on the opposite side of the battle.

arin seeing one of his heroes, fallen, and learning that if one of the ninja uses shatterspin then maybe there’s nothing stopping him from using it too. all he needs is a mask and the gong. a mask and a gong. it’s easy.

arin getting to know jay, and discovering a person just as conflicted as he is. a person who is still, underneath layers of doubt and skepticism and bitterness and sorrow, trying to do good. looking at himself in a mirror and finding it easier and easier to picture the wolf clan’s mantle draped over his shoulders.

arin thinking that with shatterspin, maybe he can finally grow powerful enough to have a chance to prove himself - because if shatterspin was really that bad, why would a ninja be using it? ninja fight for good. he can use shatterspin for good. it’s not dangerous. this is his chance. this is how he can finally be useful. this is how he can still be a hero.

arin considering that maybe it’s not so bad to fall.

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

i follow a lot of meta writers who say dean's story doesn't make sense without destiel. for example, amara was about exposing how dean felt about cas; the heart stuff how she found dean by touching cas' heart follow your heart all that. i ship destiel but don't think it will be endgame (wish it would be honestly). can i ask what do you think dean's story is without a destiel exposition? Do the amara and MoC and Mary story lines make sense without it? What is Dean's personal story and endgame?

Dear anon,

first and foremost what I want to emphasize going into this reply is that people can take away whatever they want from the show and read it in a way that suits their viewing of what happens on screen. All of what we see in those 45 minutes of television is influenced and shaped by our own experiences and interests, by the things that speak to us and move us or the aspects and topics we deem important. For that very reason readings and views will always differ simply because we all have our own focus. Things that stand out to one person, aren’t important for another for the sole reason that we tend to latch onto and project what moves us most into the narrative and analyze what plays out in the episode accordingly. What I mean is: it’s natural to disagree, there isn’t such a thing as ONE and ONLY ONE RIGHT reading. And there is nothing shameful or wrong about disagreeing with someone else, it’s all about how one expresses those differences of opinion. No one is better or worse or stupid for not seeing what someone else may see that doesn’t fit to your personal impression and perception of the show. In short: Live and let live.

The reason I am prefacing my reply with this long, more general ramble is due to the fact that I feel the fighting within the fandom over “right ways of reading and watching the show” or “people being too stupid to realize the show is saying this and this and not that and that” has gotten to a ridiculous and toxic point in which tolerance is lacking all around and on all sides and is seriously tiring to me, because it is just mind baffling to me why people can’t just be happy with what they read and see in the show and share it with the ones who see it similarly, but have to force their views on everybody else and get nasty over people having another view and takeaway than them and throwing around insults like there is no tomorrow.

With that all out of the way, let me tell you my view on Dean’s story. And just to make that clear from the get go :) no, I don’t think Dean’s story only makes sense when taking Deancas into account. It’s alright for me, if people argue that and feel that way, but to me it’s simply not the case and also imo takes away from Dean as a character in his own right.

I enjoy(ed) Deancas and like interactions between Dean and Castiel (though tbh since S11 to me a lot has changed and I no longer feel passionate or strongly about them, because to me the writers and how they handle the relationship atm is just too hollow and soulless for my taste, it simply no longer has the depth and “spark” for lack of a better word that it used to have in seasons prior, which still speak to me and move me when it comes to these two characters), but I do truly take issues with people arguing that Dean or his story only makes sense in relation to Castiel. I have the same issues with people arguing that Dean’s story and Dean only makes sense in relation to Sam. Of course both people are relevant to Dean’s story, but to me another person/characters should never be the most important thing about another character. So yeah, both of these viewings are the same to me in their essence, because in both cases it discredits Dean as a character in his own right in measures and ways I personally find very sad, because it belittles Dean. And Dean is much more than the people he loves (and this actually one aspect that is actually part of the show for Dean to realize) and that is kind of one of the main things that I personally feel relevant for Dean’s arc and possible endgame: seeing himself as worthy and important unrelated to any other person/character.

[[This week’s episode imo has highlighted a great deal how I personally see Dean’s story spanning from the first season onwards and what his struggles were and are that need to be overcome for him to be happy (if you browse my 13x03gif tag you’ll find all the meta I already wrote on the topic).]]

It may be for the very reason that Dean always puts others first and worries about them that people tend to see Dean only as an extension to another character. To me personally therefore one of the main things that has been explored heavily all throughout Carver Era and with that the Moc and Amara arc is addressing how “unfree” Dean has been all his life and how he has never truly listened or maybe even truly found out what he himself wants and is without the people he “cares for” (that is btw one huge point that was made in this week’s episode when Kelly told Jack that he didn’t have to be like his mother or father, but just himself and how this drastically differs to Dean who has been both unwanted - see meta and gifs for that here), because that very aspect - Dean thinking he needs to be this or that (mother, father and brother from age 4 onwards - as he himself openly now emphasized wasn’t fair) - has become Dean’s entire “reason for existence”. He thinks of himself as only useful when he can be of service and that is one tragic and horrible way not only of thinking about yourself (as unworthy, etc.), but also to live, because as the show has highlighted again and again when Dean feels like he cannot be of help, he thinks he lacks a reason to live and slips even further into a depression that is always glowering there just underneath the surface.

Due to all of what I mentioned just yet, I personally find it highly unfortunate that some people tend to make Dean all about Sam or Cas, because it falls completely in the trap that causes Dean so many issues since he himself only views himself as an extension to someone else, but that by no means means that that is right - quite the opposite. And that is also one of the many issues I have with Dabb’s showrunning and S12 in particular as in seasons prior the narrative addressed the discrepancy of Dean feeling like he matters least, etc. but that the characters around him constantly showed that that is not the case, but only something happening inside Dean’s head. Now S12 blatantly made it text that Dean does indeed not matter himself and I will never not be absolutely disgusted about that, because throughout the entire season we saw Dean put down, his emotions ignored, lied to (really, the way the season started, Mary trampling all over her son, is so emblematic of what happened throughout the entire season as well) and none of the treatment he experienced got corrected in the end, but Dabb friggin decided that it is a stellar idea to have Dean only briefly express how his mother’s death shaped him and messed him up (and yes, I get that it is in line with who Dean is and how he thinks so little of himself and putsothers traumas and needs first while ignoring his own, because they seem less important - see how that narrative thread runs through the whole show?) but that ultimately Dean as a person once more would disappear by making it all about Sam and talking about how Sam suffered (never mind Dean did and does too) and it also only then that his friggin mother is showing any kind of interest in her son. Only when her one son talks about the other son. Yeah, nice work there. But really, what took the cake for me with all that was how Mary didn’t even wrap Dean into a hug when he fucking saved her, but she opts to fall into Sam’s arms. Sorry, but gahhhh, I’ll never not be epicly pissed off about this.

Considering all this I am not surprised when people tend to think Dean has no story of his own or that it doesn’t make sense without Deancas or Sam on the other hand, but to me as someone who is most interested in each character in their own right much more than in any possible pairing, it is frustrating, because you feel like you are an island and belong nowhere. But sorry, I got caught up in my disliking of S12, I’m trying to get back on track now.

So given all that and the whole aspect of Dean’s “lack of freedom” due to feelings of responsibility are a huge aspect that to me was integral in the entirety of the MoC arc and the Amara arc as to me it explored Dean’s feelings of inadequacy and showing and exploring how Dean may have always been the main symbol for “free will”, but rarely has had it himself. In that regard, and I know this may be an utterly unpopular opinion to many, I have always analyzed Dean’s MoC arc and his time as a demon as a sort of “rite of passage” that served as a setting stone for Dean’s liberation, because it was as a demon that for the first time Dean only did what he himself wanted. It’s of course just one small aspect of a much more complex overall storyline, but to me it is an integral part nonetheless. Dean wasn’t happy as a demon by a long shot, but he did only what he wanted without feeling bad about having wishes of his own.

During the MoC and Amara arc Dean’s lack of independency from the people closest to him was amplified by making Dean unable to control what happened within himself when he held the blade or was in Amara’s closer vicinity. He was other directed, a puppet that got its strings pulled and that thread has been an integral one for Dean since we saw him strung up in Hell and torn apart (literally) by ropes tearing him apart every which way. To me there couldn’t be a more fitting and sadder visual for how Dean spent his entire life: caught in the middle, trying to keep a family together that drifted apart and getting torn apart and ending up hurt and damaged by trying to keep all of it together.

So in a way Dean losing his agency to the mark and then later Amara was just the utter extreme of showing how Dean for most of his life has not lived and done what he himself wanted, but what others needed him to do. The theme is right there, right from the beginning of the show and culminates for the first time in S4 and S5 when Dean rejects to become and be what Heaven wants him to be. The same strength he showed in relation to Michael, he never was able to show when it came to things his father demanded of him for example. There is a a famous scene where Dean articulates that himself in “Sacrecrow” in S1

and it comes back up here and there across the seasons when Dean expresses that he wished he would have stood up against their father more, etc. - the entire episode 9x06 “Bad Boys” also shines a huge light on that whole topic as we get a glimpse of the Dean there, who was allowed to be just a teen without feeling burdened and responsible to join his father’s fight.

For me Dean’s entire arc spanning over the course of the show is a storyline about self discovery about coming of age and coming into his own (an no with that I don’t mean a “coming out”-story, though of course it could be worked in or rather go hand in hand with that, but Dean’s sexual liberation to me has never been an integral topic from the beginning of the show and explored deeply until now, whereas the other has - again everyone is open to disagree with me, I have no problems with anyone reading it different, but this is just my personal feeling on the matter). It’s a narrative focusing on identity for someone who has never truly had the chance to become who he would have been if he had never had to be what others needed him to be. Phew… that was a weird sentence, lol. Anybody else got a knot in their brain now? ;)

And last but not least (though frankly I could write like 10 times as much as I already did since this is such a complex question) since you bring up the heart symbolism. I don’t mean to piss anyone off, but the heart symbolism as such has been surrounding Dean long before Castiel even came into the show (and it’s one of my favorite topics aside from “Dean as a christ figure” and I’ve written countless meta on that topic - I’m gonna leave a bunch of links to metas behind the cut at the end of this meta, for anyone who is interested in talk about heart symbolism, liberation, Amara and MoC arc etc. - some may even feature Deancas, but 95%  are just about Dean - it is by no means all I have written on the topic, but a good start), so to me - while I have no problem with people connect the heart symbolism in recents seasons to Castiel and Dean - they aren’t connected to another character at all, but are solely a symbol and metaphor for Dean as a character, because Dean’s heart has always been his biggest asset, but also what makes him so vulnerable. Dean is the “heart” of the show, as he serves as the PoV character. But most of all the heart symbolism surrounding Dean to me also belongs to the whole identity thread. It is also after all that Dean’s metaphorical death and re-emergence as a demon as a stepping stone to his liberation and coming of age (the healing part is still hopefully to come) is brought on by him dying by being stabbed through the heart…

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/121901277911/this-is-easier-some-more-thoughts-on-the

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/69379178845/dean-winchesters-heart-is-a-puzzle

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/131476588721/11x02-form-and-void-shes-a-miracle

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/98552189146/this-is-a-story-a-marvelous-story-full-of-love

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/87629591461/go-right-ahead-put-a-blade-through-your

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/67585667715/of-werevolves-tin-men-dean-winchester-and-his

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/110615479616/dustydreamsanddirtyscarsdeans-physical-and

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/66175602035/things-about-9x05-dog-dean-afternoon-3

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/127498203661/the-original-serpent-3

[opaquecoloredglasses]

Honesty.

I have been afraid my whole life. But lately, it's different. At my CORE, I'm not a bad person. People always gave me that impression because of the radical way I am. I have/ had anger problems... But personally, it was passion. It's that ironic good anger like when you see someone being hurt and you're compelled to punish the person doing the hurting. But along the way, I just got overwhelmed. I felt like a lightening rod for those hurting. Go ahead, hit me, disrespect me, yell at me... I know you're hurting. I thought I could take it. But I took on so much... Too much. And I've shutdown. And I was alone in my own pain for a LONG time. Like a rat in a cage, I didn't know how to escape. I was exposed to a lot of wickedness from a very early age. It fucked with me. But I always held on to hope.

I read books... Meditated... Tried to smile thru the tears. I'd like to think I've helped someone... Anyone. I really hope I did. My art has been a gift to many who I felt helped me or were hurting. I hope I brought a smile on someone's face.

I'm not a bad person... And even that's hard to say because to me it sounds conceded.

I always felt this compulsion to feel the suffering of all those in the world who suffer. To let them know I FEEL YOU. I UNDERSTAND YOU. I'M LISTENING.

But I never felt someone was hearing me.

I want to give everyone a hug... Because that's how humans exchange energy.

LOVE IS ENERGY.

Stop pulling away from each other!!!

Enough with the violence.

Enough with this!!!

I wish I could give everyone a flower...

I know I broke a long time ago... Only to see what truly needs fixing.

I still have a bit of soul searching to do... I'm human...

I believe I've disrespected myself for too long. I can't carry the weight of the world. I know there's a way for all of us to come together. I can feel it.

Yes, isolation is good for introspection absolutely. Don't make ppl feel like outcasts during this Coronavirus thing. It's no different from the lepers in the times of Jesus or the Aids crisis of the 1980s.

What if it was you? Golden rule. That's why I need to see how I project myself onto people. That's why I'm grateful to actually have been put thru this "hell." It gives perspective.

Also, the internet has been the cornerstone of connection... But to physically hold another human means more than a hug emoji.

I really hope to love even more than before.

Not for money... Not for things...

We hold on to money and things because so many lack TRUE human connection and love. It doesn't have to be romantic... That is a display like merchandise in a store window to look appealing... I'm talking real, genuine caring.

For connection. For completion.

Heaven and hell I'm starting to figure out truly is a feeling... And all of this is temporary. And life is to be lived. It doesn't matter if you're introverted or extroverted. It's what peace feels like inside of you. My frustration feels like hell... So now, I'm off to find my heaven.

And if I suffer set back after set back like I've done all my life... That timeline isn't it. It's already being occupied.

Fear is something to be examined. I dwell in the past. I get anxious of the future. But now is what's happening. If my present hurts... Why? And is it supposed to? What does that tell me about myself? Chaos exists when things aren't being examined. Order and control are two different things. Order is when the chaos is examined and interpreted based on belief. Control is when chaos is not examined and attempted to piece together which is impossible.

I give up control... I give up stress.

I float with the waves now... Under a starry night.

31820

[gibbearish]

hi. you'll forgive me for not responding to the specifics here because to be entirely frank, yes, i guess im not "discourse-inundated" enough to know about whatever it is you're talking about and without that context most of what you've said here makes little to no sense to me.

you say "i'm really sorry if op was saying this for a secret third reason completely disconnected from the wider debate" but you don't actually mean that, earlier on you say "to claim this is an independant point when this is clearly referant to it is disingenuous" and "to post about this now without addressing the wider context the post was made in kind of sucks". you do not believe i made this without intending it as part of what you apparently see as both a niche enough topic that one has to be discourse-inundated to be referring to it while also widely known enough that i couldn't /possibly/ be speaking in a different context, but you know distantly somewhere that expecting everyone to know your specific internet arguments is unreasonable, so you throw that in for plausible deniability. this response is extremely accusatory in response to subtext you inserted into it yourself and a throwaway "sorry if i'm wrong, not that i am and even if i am it doesn't matter but just in case" at the end doesn't fix that or come across as genuine in the slightest.

regardless, this post was /not/ made in whatever context you're referring to, it was made in the context of me spending years watching different iterations of slur discourse pop up all following the same trend of "is this specific identity close enough to the traditional target demographic of this slur to be allowed to use it?", and how i think asking that question in the first place misses the point of slur reclamation entirely. i am not required to address the nuances of whatever the current coat that same bullshit core is wearing this time in order to bring up the core being rotten when discussing my personal experiences, and you don't get to say "that debate happening now is an important factor of this whole discussion at the moment" to forcibly insert your discourse into my personal discussion, nor do you get to essentially hold me responsible for other people i do not know nor have even heard of using slurs in a non-respectful way. also if you'll notice, my original post is specifically saying that it's someone's intentions behind saying a slur that matter when weighing if they should or not, so someone doing it disrespectfully is yknow. doing the exact opposite of when i said it's fine to use.

in summary, you should reasses how you approach conversations on the internet, because this is not the right way. you were rude and accusatory about meaning that did not exist because you projected your own arguments onto a statement made outside that context, /pretended/ to acknowledge you could be wrong, and wasted whatever time was spent writing an essay that misunderstood its target audience so completely that it was rendered incomprehensible. if you think a post is made within a specific context, you can just fucking ASK and base your reaction on that, rather than just taking your first assumptions and running with them while tossing out a half-hearted apology "if by some miracle" you were wrong. well in that case it must be christmas because apparently we all just witnessed a miracle here today!

anyways tldr no this was not about whatever discourse you think it was, it was about the fact that arguments about who can say what slurs based on specific traits rather than intention keeps happening to begin with, and a shitty fake disclaimer that you could maybe perhaps someday in some universe mayhaps perchance be a smidgen wrong doesnt get you out of the fact you were an asshole to me for no reason. thanks.

"can bi nbs say dyke" "can trans men say tranny" "can this specific identity reclaim this slur" ENOUGH !!! ALL that matters is whats in your heart when you say it. is there love for your community or is there hate for people not like you. are you saying it to hurt someone or to give a hurtful thing new love-filled meaning. theres your answer.