#am i making sense do people understand me. everything makes more sense when im cooking something up in a frenzy in a public discord server

[thenatashapulleyuniverse]

Jem Castlereagh and Being the "Other"

The other night, I got into a discussion about Joe's racial and queer identity, and how these two things must have brought on a sense of guilt when he used to be Jem. It was such a fascinating topic to discuss that I want to share it here.

Joe is a white-passing biracial man. His mother is white, his father is Chinese. I want to specifically talk about Jem, since in that life, Jem was able to rise up to a high position with substantial power: The House of Lords.

On the topic of racial identity, Jem chose to be like other racialized white men, which in turn might have caused him to develop identity issues and guilt along the way. It's only speculation on our part whether or not he was gently persuaded/pushed/forced into this role, but this type of action brings about a sense of betrayal. He felt like he was betraying everything his family stood for.

Let's say his mother really did choose to go ahead and elope with a Chinese man. Jem's family history in of itself is already a betrayal to the fundamental order of things. His parents being a mixed race couple in the 19th century raising two sons, it couldn't have been easy for them. Toby (I don't think Jem mentioned an older brother but let's say Toby is also consistent with every Joe in every timeline) isn't white passing, so we can assume he's had his hardship of discrimination. So Jem knowing that he's "other" and that his family is "other", chooses to masquerade as a person who looks and sounds and fits right in with the group of people who would hurt his mother and father and brother for less than nothing just because they're a family. His family must be proud of him for being able to get opportunites they never would, but Jem carries that guilt because he knows he has to abandon his culture, his race, and inevitably his family just so that he can keep them all safe (him included). Jem choosing to use his mother's maiden name too is fact of this. Throwing away your true family name to fit in/to become somebody new is a reoccuring theme within the Kingdoms---Kite does it to appease to the English Navy, Agatha does it because she doesn't want to be connected to Lawrence anymore.

On top of that, he's a queer man. It's evident that he has a fondness for Madeline, but at the core of it, it wasn't a satisfying marriage because he's still playing the role of a heterosexual man to fit in. His queer identity basically ties in with what I'm saying about him betraying his family. I can't really imagine them being, you know, acceptable of gay people given they are a product of their time. At least with Jem's racial identity, he isn't alone. He has his brother. He has his father. He has a support system when it comes to being a racial minority. But being queer goes even deeper than that, because he's alone with all of that. You don't go to the asylum for being half-Chinese, but you can for being gay. Can you imagine how deep he must have suppressed that when he marries Madeline? How utterly alone? That is, until he meets Kite, another deeply repressed gay man. In his head, Jem must have had his reservations. His guilt, this time, is not only directed towards his mother and father and brother, but as well as to his wife and son. On paper, he's the ideal Englishman and they have given him everything to hold up that ideal. Yet the minute he finds somebody who understands what it means to be "other", he throws away everything his family had given him and goes with Kite to be "other" with him. My explanation here makes Jem wanting to go back home and be with his son even more symbolic and even sadder, because once he has thrown away everything to be the "other" there was never a world where he could have gone back unscathed, where he could have had his son and Kite too. So he loses everything when the timeline shifts. I think he knew that too, somewhere deep, deep inside, and so we can't even begin to fathom how deep his guilt goes regarding his racial and queer identity.

Of course, all of this is still speculation and we know nothing about Jem, Jem's family, and Madeline except from Kite's POV and the letters. However, all of this places even more importance on just how essential Kite is to Joe/Jem's person. He was willing to share his real name with Kite, willing to reveal his biracial heritage to him (I can't imagine that he shared that information with Madeline or his son Edward in his rise to power). At the intersection of Joe's character, between his race and his queerness, is just a man who wants to keep everybody he loves safe---whether that means having to hide who he really is, or joining the side of the "other" despite everything.

[dreamii-yume]

Hello! ♥︎

I am BACK with another underrated Japanese Yandere Audio Drama ASMR recommendation for y’all~! Because this is all I’ve been doing in my spare time, I have no goddamn excuses on why I haven’t been posting much 🤡 This, my friends, is the reason why I’m so damn inactive these days lol BUT HEY—Please don’t go 🥺 This one is a real fucking gem, Darlings—I don’t understand why it has so little views on Youtube because it has everything I wanted in my hornii. There’s the plot, the smut (It’s not very explicit as to a full-on fucking, because Youtube—Just a few lewd lip sounds, that’s all 🫣 But that’s all I needed to get the neurons working) and there’s kinda some angst in there(?)

Anyway, it’s an hour-long! 🧎‍♀️ I was so happy after I was done listening to it and kinda speechless ngl ☠️ I dug hard for this gem and I’m not about to gatekeep anyone from finding it and sharing the experience (dont ask how i stumbled upon this one though, you dont wanna know how much ive been scrolling on youtube to find this, my friends 🧎‍♀️)

It’s a Yandere Audio Drama that is simply titled “Nya-chan” 🫣 Ominously adorable title, but it’ll make sense as you listened to it. As always, it doesn’t have an english translation as of now which is extremely unfortunate because I think a lot of people would’ve appreciated this more if it does—BUT THAT’S WHY IM HERE EVERYONE 👀👋

So, if you don’t mind—Allow me to spoil you all with what happened with a “brief” summary of it all ♥︎ (EDIT : THIS IS A LIE IVE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR TWO HOURS) BUT I STILL WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO THIS ART PERSONALLY, the voice actor really did a great job with it 😭 check them out, seriously.

Warning : Implied Non-Con | Implied Dub-Con | Implied Stockholm Syndrome | NTR

Kinda got way too into “translating”/“explaining” this one scene by scene so—It’s very chaotic, so that might get annoying so just a heads up lol

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

The story starts off with You (The listener UwU) meeting your fiance’s little brother for the first time and because you want to be a good future Sister-in-Law, you wanted to spend time and bond with him by partaking in his hobbies. He’s an engineer of some kind, and it seems like he’s a talented cook as well because when he found out that you’re hungry, he made you some pasta 🧎‍♀️You praised him, but he says you’re overreacting cause it’s just pasta lol he’s clearly embarrassed—He sounded like wanted to say something else (Probably wanting to cook more for you if you want ✨👀👉👈) but his brother comes in and interrupted him.

Under his breath, he says “Why does he have to be here of all times” which makes me think that this may not be the first time he knew of us…Or he just—y’know got attached that quick. (It really wasn’t specified 😭 or I might’ve just missed it somewhere 🤡) But ANYWAY, THE NEXT DAY—

You both met again, and he’s surprised that see you and where you work at because it’s close to his (?) You pointed out his office clothes, and he thought you were making fun of him, but was pleasantly surprised to hear you say that he looks good in it and he thanks you for it. Flustered, he changes the subject and ask where your fiance may be because he couldn’t get hold of him lately—It seems like he’s working overtime and he feels kinda bad that you’re going to eat dinner alone, so he sighs and invites you over to his place so he can make you something. He’s a real tsundere at this point of the audio drama, which was very cute lol But he seems like he has a soft-spot for you, because once he saw how you really look like you want to try his cooking again, he caved in quick lmao

At his home, he sarcastically praises your appetite and was impressed by the fact that you’re able to act so close woth him, despite only meeting for the few times lmao we have no shame. Your only reason was because you see him as you’re own younger brother too, and he only hums and scolds you more lol Even though he sounds like he’s all annoyed with you, he still encourages you to still eat more and stop complaining ☠️ He says he can guarantee the taste but plating is not his strongest forte lol

Then, he suddenly asks if you’re gonna contact your fiance anytime soon about this and it seems like you didn’t plan to do that—In which he scolds you again and say that you should, because he (your fiance) might think it’s weird. Again, you told him it’s fine because you’re only hanging out with him like how a big sister would with her younger brother…Here, we can hear that hint of disappointment in his voice as he whispers to himself, “…So you don’t see me as a man then.”

Of course, you didn’t quite hear what he says and asks if he can repeat that, but he says it’s nothing and went back to pressure you to continue eating because the food is getting cold.

After a while, you finally finished eating and he praises you for it…Also teasing you for looking so happy about it too along the way. He scolds you about learning how to cook for yourself sometimes, because you sound like you know what good food tastes like lol You told him that—Yeah, maybe from now on, in which he commented that you sound like someone prolonging their diet for tomorrow ☠️ and that’s the kind of person who usually don’t succeed on what they planned ☠️ someone calm this man down jesus christ, i did not to be called out like that ☠️ You asked him if he could teach you instead, but he refuses because he said he was self-taught and can’t teach for shit, so he tells you to learn it by yourself. Damn bro.

Then, this is where he shifts the conversation towards you instead—He asks where you and his brother met, in which you replied with the Cat Café he often visits and Yandere-kun doesn’t seem surprised lol His brother often invites him there, but he always refuses because he’s not good with crowds—Though he likes cats…AGAIN WITH THE WHISPERING he says “…If only I went with him at that time.” “Maybe I could’ve met you earlier than him.” BOI 👏

You asked him what he’s whispering about, and he denies saying anything like he always does and asked you to continue your love story with his brother. It seems like you met his brother when he was at his clumsiest, accidentally scaring a cat, and the cat made a mess, so you got angry with him. Because of that, you both met a second time for him to help you clean up, and things escalated from there—

Idk, Yandere-kun keeps saying wow that sounds like something out a manga—All sounds like he’s impressed and shit but I have a feeling that he’s so annoyed somehow lmao He sounds dead inside ☠️ He says something about it all probably being a “miracle of love” lmao He sounds so insulting about it 🧎‍♀️

He asks why you fell in love with his brother, like what’s so good about him? And you answered “The way he seems so silly, but is actually very reliable” or something—and somehow, he knew and understood that it had to be that reason too because he, too, knew what his brother’s strongest point is…Though, he didn’t know that girls likes those kinds of men too. He proceeds to slander you for having simple tastes ☠️ lmao

The conversation then starts to shift towards himself as he slowly begins to reveal how he feels inferior compared to him—Since his brother seems to have everything, while he’s just there on the shadows. You took notice of this and assured him that, at the very least, he’s still very kind. He’s flustered, embarrassed, scratches his head as he appreciates you for saying that.

…But HOO BOI THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING—You then asked something about him, wondering if he, too, has someone he likes romantically. He was surprised to hear that actually, hesitates, but turns serious and says, “Yes…Yes, I do have one.”

“She’s very bright, kind, and a handful. She’s older than me, but so unreliable that I just can’t leave her alone.” He sounds incredibly embarrassed. “She eats the food I make with a big smile on her face…and it makes me really happy.”

But he suddenly sounds solemn. “…But that person is getting married next month, and I’m still in shock.” He laughs a little, but he sounds so sad 🥺 “I kept thinking, why is it not me? Maybe if I have met her earlier, maybe that could’ve been me by her side.”

“Why do I have to meet her when it’s all too late…? It’s really unfair.” 🥲

“But you know what’s worse?” He starts getting a little weird like he just fucking gave up on trying to hide his feelings lmao “The one that, that person is getting married to…is actually my own older brother. So, I don’t know what to do about that.”

OF COURSE, THAT SOUNDS SUS AF so, as an act of defending yourself against the awkwardness, you stood up from your seat and about to fuck off to oblivion, when he stops you like “Wait, hold up—Please, don’t leave 🥺” He admits that he was frustrated on the fact that people view you and your fiance as this sort of “fated couple”, and it makes him sick. It feels like his brother got something he wanted and once again, he lost. Yandere-kun admits that he doesn’t have that many friends, nor does he have a girlfriend himself, so it’s always his brother who gets all the attention. The expectation that was supposed to be his was given to his brother himself, so he hated how it’s happening again with you this time…and it feels like the universe is forcing him to give up on everything for his brother.

“…But why do you have to be so nice to me?“ It turns out he was actually trying to give up on pursuing you too, but it hurts because he doesn’t want to—Since you’re so nice to him, you spend time with him, and had praised him more than anyone has…But you only see him as a younger brother and not as a man. He felt like you asking if he has anyone he likes was the final straw, and he couldn’t help but laugh. He comments how insensitive you are 😭 Like having no self-awareness and all that shit man

But he knew that you were only trying to bond with him only because you want to have a good, healthy relationship with your soon-to-be Brother-in-Law…But that’s when he finally snaps and how that’s never gonna happen, “From the very first time we met, I’ve only seen you as a woman more than anyone else.” So, he will never see you as just Sister-in-Law, he loves you too much.

He was surprised himself to know how weak he actually is, because just thinking of you was this fucking painful and he’s pissed that he can’t even help himself…and embraces you, finally being able to touch you freely, and commenting on how nice you smell like.

“Hey…How do you think I can be freed from this pain?“ “How do you think am I supposed to give up on you?” Because he doesn’t want to give up on you, he wants you to fall in love with him as well and asks if that’s really such a bad thing.

Perhaps a little freaked out, you began to call your fiance’s name instinctively but he scolds you, “Please…don’t call anyone’s name but mine right now.” AND FUCKING SOFT KISSES YOU. He demands you to say his name, and when you hesitantly did—He’s on cloud-nine, asks you to repeat it again and again, and again as he KISSES YOU EVERYTIME.

“I can’t…I can’t take it anymore, come here.”

You obviously resists as he takes you somewhere, and he 😭 kinda politely asks you to stop struggling because he doesn’t want to be rough with you lmao He wants you to listen to him as he continues to force you to make-out with him (with slightly aggressive moaning, mind you ☠️) and keeps on obsessively (desperately) telling you that he loves you as if that shit was going to change anything lol but well—who knows 👀 foreshadowing, am i right Also he tells you that you shouldn’t hold your voice because he wants to ｈｅａｒyou loud and clear, so just keep on paying attention to him and he’ll make you feel good ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

THEN THE AUDIO FADES BECAUSE YOUTUBE 🫠 But it’s assumed that whether it’s forcefully (which is VERY MUCH likely lol) or not, he manages to get his way with you through the night 🧎‍♀️Mfcker even has the audacity to ask for permission, but I don’t think he would’ve cared if you had said no lmao ☠️

The next day (?) comes, or maybe it’s still night idk it’s not really specified BUT AFTER SEGGSY SESSION, he asks if it hurt (BITCH)—He proceeded to apologize, like seriously apologized🧎‍♀️Even he didn’t know why he resorted to forcefully taking you, despite knowing that it’s wrong. But whenever he thinks about how you’re going to be his brother’s wife soon, all he sees is red…He keeps apologizing and says he really doesn’t mean it and understands if you won’t be able to forgive him anytime soon.

…Perhaps you were guilty about the fact that you unknowingly lead his feelings on by being close to him too, you apogized in which he denies immediately—Saying you didn’t do anything wrong, and that everything is on him.

To compensate, you suggested to just simply forget everything that happened until now—But Yandere-kun doesn’t quite agree with that solution. “…Am I supposed to just forget about something that made me so happy?” He says he can’t do that, but realizes that he was being selfish again and apologized as he begrudingly agreed to do just that. “I guess it’s better than you reporting me to the police.” He said, it’s the least that he can do.

“I’ll…I’ll forget about what happened…Definitely. But just for this moment, will you stay with me?” You somehow agreed, and he hugs you tight—Whispering yet another apology.

Some time later after what happened, I guess…Oh, and it’s getting closer to your wedding day PFFT He calls you through the phone, and he was surprised that you answered—He’s sorry for calling you, but he says his brother is at his place and has something he needed your help with, so he asks if you want to eat lunch with them…But he understands if you don’t want to, since it’ll be awkward with him there after what happened. But you agreed anyway, “Are you sure?” He asks, but says he’ll be waiting for you then eventually.

He welcomes you to his home, and it’s not really explained here—But you were surprised to see him, maybe because he looks horribly depressed 😭 He tells you to just go inside and sit your ass down lol You ask where your brother is and he says he went to the convenience store to buy something and he’ll be back soon (doubt) and AGAIN he apologizes for what happened between the two of you, which makes me think that he’s really reflecting on his actions and I’m just being a little bitch about it ☠️ He said he’s gotten better at controlling his feelings now, and swears to you that it won’t happen again (DOUBT)

You assured him, and he finally sounds happy omg He admits that he was sad the past few days because he thought you won’t be able to talk to him again—But seeing you right now, talking to him, and reassuring him made him so glad that he’s wrong 🥹 He’s very grateful and you jokingly tell him he sounds strange compared to before.

He kinda agrees with that and admits that he loved you too much before, and every time he remembers the things he says and did, it made him incredibly embarrassed lol Though he feels better now, since he doesn’t usually have this kind of gloomy personality, so he’s fine now 🙃

…He then suggests to play a game, while waiting for his brother to come back 🙃 A very simple, easy game 🙃 Just close your eyes, hold out both your arms, listen to what he’s saying, and focus which hand is holding yours—Left or right 🙃 Ｓｉｍｐｌｅ，　ｒｉｇｈｔ？ 🙃

If you win, he’ll congratulate you on your wedding—Buy you whatever present you want…”What if you win?” You asked🧎‍♀️And this mfcker just went “What? Don’t tell me you’re worried that I’m gonna make you do something weird or something?” He laughs and strictly told you to just close your eyes alreadg lol He keeps praising you like you’re a kid and assures you that he’s moved on 🙃 So you don’t have to worry anymore 🙃 That from now on, he’s going to be your little brother like you always wanted 🙃 and it’s not like he’ll be able to do anything weird when his brother can come home anytime lol

The amount of (doubt) I had was immaculate when listening to this for the first time, darlings—Can you tell ☠️ He says if he won…He’ll let you cook dinner next time, cause he’s sick of always being in-charge of the cooking and wants to try your cooking this time.

So, then the game begins…Or not lol He’s still preparing, and the first thing he does? Obviously—Gets as close as he possibly can towards your right ear because it’s “necessary” lmao This man ain’t slick ☠️ Obviously, you’re a bit uncomfortable with that, but he says that if you give up now before anything has even started, you won’t get a wedding present from him lol “Don’t worry, it only tickles at the start. You’ll get used to it soon.” AND THEN THE GAME ACTUALLY BEGINS LMAO ARE YOU READY???

Close your eyes, repeats the rules about your hands and he—He begins to fucking BLOW on your ears ☠️ This was fucking tingly af ngl, not something to listen to whilst the dead of the night because it’s actually relaxing af jesus christ…ANYWAY, HE’S SEDUCING YOU BTW.

He bites, sucks, and licks on your ear, encouraging your body temperature to go up and proceeds to ｇａｓｌｉｇｈｔ you into thinking that there’s ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong nor suggestive with what he’s doing, nu-uh 🫠🫠 It’s all part of the challenge of the game, he says and your ears are just sensitive lmao He commentates on what he’s doing too omg “My tongue is going deep inside your ear.” EAR PORN HITS DIFFERENT NOW, DOESNT IT ☠️

This sussy moment continues on for the next few minutes—But like, as it’s happening, you can hear some really…ominous sounds of something shuffling in the background like someone rummaging for something and like ??? Obviously you’re curious and FINALLY—He asks which hand is holding yours right now…You answered correctly, and he proudly tells you to open your eyes for a job well-done and BOOM.

You’ve been handcuffed 🤡

He cut off every sensory you could possibly have at that moment just to distract you from noticing what he was doing. “I tricked you? No, that was all part of the game.” You probably started raising your voice, but he shushes you—Telling you to shut up, because he’s going to make you feel good again ☠️ GETS ME EVERY TIME GODDAMN IT LMAO Ladies, remember that all men do is lie 😔 (sigh)

He sounds WAY different than who he was before, which makes me think that he was only acting weak, because he sounds assertive now as he drills lewd words right into your head. “Who’s in front of you right now? Say my name.” But you call for help, called your fiance’s name instead. He shushes you gently and corrects your mistake…but asks you again, “Who’s touching you right now? It’s me, isn’t it?”

Maybe you didn’t answer, to scared to say anything—So, he reassures you by instilling you with his own twisted logic : “Don’t worry too much about my brother.” He says, like the devil on your shoulder. “You haven’t been officially married yet, so it’s fine. You’re not doing anything wrong.”

“You, me, or my brother. We’re not doing anything wrong.” He says, he sounds like he has a smile on his face as he continues to brainwash you into doing the wrong thing. “…So, say my name. Look at me and only me, because you’re the only one I can see.”

“Fall in love with me.”

“It’s fine. You’re not doing anything wrong.”

“Nothing at all.”

He kisses you a few more times, to give further validity with what he’s saying and at this point, I think you’re slowly giving up—Because there’s really nothing else you can do but accept it. He convinces you that his kisses feels good, and that you loved being kissed with tongue—and with your feeble, slowly-getting-fucked-out mind, you begin to agree with everything he says. So, he promises you that he can make you feel even better.

“I’ll always be with you.” He says, which had you confused—So, he states the obvious, “Because I’m going to be with you forever.”

“Aren’t you happy that there’s someone in this world who loves you as much as I do?”

He suggest for the two of you to “Do it” again—Your losing your focus, so he had successfully convinced you into saying that you want to do it too…He tells you that he’s happy that you’re thinking that way ♥︎

🫣🫣🫣

WE’RE ALMOST TO THE END GUYS PLEASE BEAR WITH ME, THIS IS AN HOUR-LONG AUDIO DRAMA BUT ITS SO GOOD.

After sexy time, the term “Nya-chan” has finally been addressed for the first time and it seems like while y’all we’re fucking, he was calling you that all this time. He wonders why he was calling you that too—But he guessed that it’s because he had always seen you as a little selfish-bratty cat whenever you’re eating the food he makes, so he just ended up calling you “Nya” as a nickname…Nya as in the Meow in Cat

He likes it, it feels special because he’s the only one who can call you that—He repeats it over and over again and asks if he can call you that from now on. You agreed, so I guess that’s your name from now on, Darling ♥︎👋 Nya-chan 😺 He feels so happy calling you that, it’s so special to him that he begins to cry—He loves Nya too much🧎‍♀️

(My typing hand is dying)

The next day—Someone is calling him and tells you to stay put. It’s his workplace, it seems like they need him for something despite the fact that it’s his day-off lmao somethings never change huh 😭 He’ll still go, but then he notices that you’re now standing in front of the entrance door, and he asks you if you’re going somwhere…But you don’t you say anything, so he figured that you might’ve been too afraid to stay here all by yourself…He steps closer to you, apologized for not noticing your worries earlier—But like, “I was so happy when you told me that you’ll stay with me forever, so I just trusted that you won’t leave.”

“Sorry, have you come to hate me now?” He starts to get a little unhinged, like you triggered something in him, which quite frankly means—That he’s becoming scary again ☠️ “…Hey, did I do something wrong?”

“You’re not…trying to run away, are you?” He steps REALLY close, those footsteps sounds heavy and the little laugh on his voice—Like you just said something really ridiculous and shows that he’s a little pissed 🧎‍♀️Dear God… “Let’s have a little talk, shall we?“

And he slams you to the fucking wall.

“…That’s not it, right? You’re not trying to run away, right? You understand that, right?” He bombards you with questions that I don’t even think you’re answering because he’s already convincing himself that you won’t run away, because you love him, yknow? Why would you even think of something like that lol—Like the little delusional man he is ☠️ He says he’s sorry for being suspicious, he’s just worried for his little Nya and that’s on him. You never know what’s out there.

“I’m so, so goddamn worried that I might lose it once I imagine what will happen to you if you leave this room, Nya.” He’s sounding more and more deranged. “Hey, you’ll understand that, won’t you? WONT YOU?”

He kisses you once again to prove how much he loves and cares about you, but goddamn he’s as yandere as one can get because even I’m scared of how twisted this man’s bipolar-ass kind of love ☠️ He continues to tell you all the things he’s scared of happening when you get out, like when another weird man comes in to sweep you off by the feet and he doesn’t want that 😭 It’s like this man just completely erased the fact that you and his brother are engaged and would actually be getting married in a few days lol Guess that ain’t happening anytime soon now ☠️

“Nya wouldn’t want that to happen to you too, right?“ He baby-talks you, plays with your mind and using this kind of manipulative-guilt-tripping shit going on. He even goes threatning her by saying how even he won’t be able to touch her again if you’ve become tainted by others—And in turn, no one will. So, he scares you into understanding his forceful and terrifying logic…And he’s satisfied with what you become.

He apologizes for being rough before, for almost giving you a goddamn concussion lmao Because damn he’s well-aware that he’s losing his mind, and the fact that you’re the only saving grace he has, he will do his damn best to keep you by his side—Whatever means necessary.

Another time-skip has passed—The next day came and he whispers good morning to you as you’re still chained down on the bed. He apologizes for it being tight (your wrists are probably fucked ngl) so, he’ll loosen them up a little but make sure you don’t run away, okay 👁👁 He’ll be looking at you through the camera (!?) so don’t do anything sus, okay 🧎‍♀️ sorry i love this voice drama so much

Then, someone rang the doorbell—So, Yandere-kun very gently (INTIMIDATINGLY) tells you to not be too loud as he went to go see who it is…Has a few conversation about that person, acting like he’s a normal human-being there for a second and soon—He comes back to you and you asked who it was. He said it was no one important, just the landlord…looking for a lost cat.

“…I sure hope they find it soon.”

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

(SOBBING)

“BRIEF SUMMARY” MY ASS—Sorry, I had too much fun translating and commentating on this lmao ☠️☠️ ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. I’m sure there were a few error in this, but like—I wish I have the general knowledge down at least so that you could understand what happened 🤡 Apologies for that lol

Please listen to the actual audio drama, it’s free on youtube—I swear it’s a different experience with voice on. It changed my life fr だいきりASMR is a hidden diamond in the rough, why is no one talking about them 😩 I’m gonna go listen to more of their content, and I’ll share some with you all if I find something more interesting to translate and commentate on lol 👀 chaotically, if y’all are into that haha

Also, I love how someone can portrait a yandere like this—A yandere that doesn’t rely too much on violence and I love the fact that he’s not just the typical sadistic type of Yandere, yknow? 😭 Like he’s just some poor pathetic bastard who fell in love with the wrong person, at the wrong time—So, you can’t help but kinda feel bad for him ☠️ PEOPLE TAKE NOTES.

[james-bucky-barnes-imagines]

saving bucky barnes chapter 9

"Zemo you just want me so you can get too bucky. Do you think I will let my guard down ?.. I won't ever I will never allow you to take bucky back to hydra. " Zemo replied I'm surprised you actually want a book on cooking from sokoiva". You look down "I've never tried it. but you always smelled so delicious I wanted to taste the food myself. " Zemo smirks, "I would love to teach you how to cook it properly draga. If you would let me in the tower I can teach you". you chuckle, nice try but I'm not inviting you into the tower. you let out a small whine as another cramp causes you to double over in pain. Zemo whispers his voice slightly thicker. you know draga it will only get worse, I've studied wolves if they don't have an alpha mate them they often go feral, or they are attacked by hunters because they are weaker. Clint walks back in holding a frozen coffee. "the Cinnabon place was closed". Zemo why are you here he asks with a death glare". you pick up your books and take them to the checkout counter. Zemo speaks softly "I came to apologize to y/n after I heard about what happened I realized it was all my fault." Clint checks on you over his shoulder what do u mean? I already know u hurt her last night are you telling me you don't remember doing that? Zemo looks down no I heard about the 8 dead bodies they found outside of a bar. they were all mauled by some animal 4 blocks from where she threw me through the wall. Clint whispers that's why she was drunk last night when we found her.

What do you mean? Clint, where did you find y/n? Clint checks on you again before replying. Bucky and I heard her scream and ran to her room to find her in the shower with all her clothes on, trying to frantically wash off she was saying it won't come off it won't come off. we had to give her some medicine to calm her down so we could find out what happened. bucky slept in his room with her to make sure she was ok. she came to the bookstore trying to feel better hence the coffee. you walk back over to Clint. "im checked out can we go now I do not want that smell getting on my jacket I just washed it" Zemo looks up at you "I am sorry for my actions draga but I meant what I said. " you glare at him "stay away from my human Zemo that's a warning. with that you disappear having teleported back to the tower. clint goes to talk to bucky. "bucky did you know she killed 8 people last night ? " bucky looks up from cleaning his guns "no but that would explain why she was so drunk last night I thought zemo had tried to trigger her and she managed to get away but that makes a lot more sense. Clint says zemo showed up at the book store he apologized to her but then threatened her because she won't come with him. bucky gets up and walks out to the kitchen where you are curled up reading under the counter. you look up at him and say softly I'm not mad at you anymore I understand you just wanted me to rest so I didn't get sick. y/n you killed 8 people last night why didn't you tell me that this morning? bucky stands there with his arms crossed looking very irritated waiting for an answer. you look down I don't remember doing it bucky I had no idea when zemo tried to bite me everything went black and then black I woke up next to you. bucky kneels on one knee and gently tilts your head back to make you look directly in the eyes with him . bucky i promise i didnt know . bucky gets up and walks back over to clint . " she says she dosent remember any thing and i can tell her in her eyes the the only thing she remembers is me triggering her to pass out . she has trama from zemo he used to taunt her and he was quite cruel to her he put her in the chair more made her fight more often it was like he was on a mission to make her kill him and then one night she snapped thats the night she still has nightmares about we almost escaped but she blacked out again and i was the only one around she attacked me and we both woke up in the med bay the doctors say the only reason i didnt bleed out was because my heart was beating so slowly from the extreme cold from the winter . i dont know why but she didnt leave me they said she was trying to get me too wake up when they found us. after that they kept her separated from me i would hear her screams i have no idea what he did to her but it must be pretty traumatic for her to switch personalities for hours like that . clint whispers keep an eye on her he might tell the police they might come asking questions. it dosent matter if she doesn't remember doing it she did it . she said something about a scent getting in her jacket at the store she just washed it . bucky looks over towards the kitchen before whispering cherry blossoms she told me before thats what he smells like normally i imagine now he smells like that plus the scent of an alpha. the two walk over to the kitchen to find you asleep with your blanket and a book in top in your lap.

zemo couldn't sleep the scent of you drove him mad he wanted nothing more than to rut deep inside of you . he was fascinated with you while u were at hydra. he had a soft spot for you that was why he would train your harder, he didnt want you being replaced. when he almost lost you he separated you from the soldier, unless the two of you were sparing or on a mission. he couldnt out his finger on it but he didnt want to let you go unfortunately him pushing you so hard caused him to one of the first ones you attacked when you finally did snap it was terrifying. he wanted to teach you how to cook the dishes from his home land sonce you seemed so intrigued by them . he knew he had to bring the soldier back with or without you he snarled at the thought of them hurting you again he get up to take a shower hoping it would help he allowed the water to run he leaned his head back trying to calm him self .

[heatwa-ves]

Please tell me some of your mtc thoughts (or hypmic thoughts. I am working through the drama tracks again)

I have soooo many hypmic thoughts and none of them are coherent at all but uh. hopefully this makes some sort of sense.

also ig ill talk about spoilers for the tdd manga because it changed my life and made me like samatoki even more than I did before. go read it if you haven't.

the thing about mtc is that they're brought together almost by chance, and had no real relationship previously, or even as they started working together like it was originally just a mutually beneficial group. the others of the main four groups all had some basis of a relationship previously to starting a unit together (ichiro and his brothers obviously, doppo knew both hifumi and jakurai before matenro was formed, arguably fling posse didn't have this sort of a relationship but ramuda did specifically choose gentaro and dice whereas mtc more or less formed out of convenience)

and like. even when they do form a group they're a very strange one like, a yakuza second in command, a corrupt cop and an ex navy soldier, they mention it themselves a few times iirc. they're initially not very close but they do grow to like. genuinely care for eachother.

family is arguably the most important thing to samatoki like there's obviously his relationship with nemu, and how that mirrors bb, his interactions with the guy in the anime the yakuza member who betrays samatoki to protect his younger sister, who he lets live despite the betrayal because they both share the ideal of putting your family first before anything else (this is particularly obvious in the battle with ichiro at the end of tdd era)

except samatoki has also lost everyone he's ever called family, obviously his parents and nemu, but also ichiro and sasara (arguably kuko too tho I'm not sure how close they were) and so when mtc forms it's purely a business relationship because having contacts in the police/yakuza helps him and jyuto respectively. so he doesn't really have anyone close to him for the two years after tdd disbanded and nemu left and everything changed between him and ichiro.

one thing that stands out to me is in the manga he says something along the lines of "there's no need to cry over someone unless they're dead, because as long as they're still alive you still have the chance to speak again/reconnect/whatever" to ichiro after mcd falls apart. so he wouldn't let himself cry over nemu and how he's still trying so hard to reconnect with her.

anyway this is going on a samatoki tangent back to mtc. jyuto and rio are the first people he's felt truly close to since losing pretty much everything and it's like a really big thing for him like..letting himself be close to people again. augh. he'd never like outright say how much he cares for them but it's in the little things like smoking with jyuto, and how he'd never say anything bad about rios cooking despite it being ah. questionable. they've grown to value eachother as friends...im so fine.

anyway this is mostly all about samatoki because I really like him and also because I have complicated feelings about jyuto I don't quite understand him. and I don't have that much to say about rio yet. shoutout to mad trigger crew listen to scarface

[mistydeyes]

I would love a mw2 pairing from you! i love your work sm!!!

appearance wise: I am 5’4, i am pale-ish, my hair is dark brown and wavy, it has a lot of volume from being frizzy + i have layers, and it’s armpit length. my eyes are dark brown as well and i have full eyebrows/lashes. I would definitely say i’m on the chubbier side, most noticeably in my round face, 🍒, and thighs. covered in quite a few scars but most of them are faint and only visible up close. in my day to day i wear small silver hoops almost always, and usually my clothes consist of bell bottom jeans and some sort of form fitting shirt / an oversized shirt or sweater and shorts + low top converse. also wear makeup almost daily, at least concealer for my chronic dark circles and some mascara and brow gel

personality wise: i do my best to come off as a understanding and open person to anyone, but i’m definitely very shy upon first meeting people, and (surprise surprise) can’t shut up when i get comfortable (this takes months). im always reserved in group settings, not good with public speaking, etc etc. i tend to have a drier sense of humor, most of the time if i make one of my loved ones laugh it’s due to my lack of reaction to something i or someone else did or said. when i do actually make a joke my sense of humor is a little on the darker side, no offense jokes at all, just shock humor. that and teasing for sure, playfully teasing is my fav. my love languages are verbal affirmation and quality time, im very intuitive and can pick up what people around me are feeling. i love taking care of other, i absolutely thrive when i’m nurturing my friends and family. i am known to be very clumsy and am constant covered in bruises from walking into walls/furniture (it’s half clumsiness and half being 🍃). also i am an avid user of 🍃!

interests and likes: video games (i play on pc and switch!), painting, drawing, and sculpting are my favorite hobbies! but when i’m not feeling up to them i like anime, makeup, fashion, just started getting into the gym, besides that physically speaking the only things that’ve interested me are volleyball and swimming. and i would also consider myself a sanrio enthusiast ^-^ i really enjoy cooking as well as baking and i research new recipes daily. also kinda of obsessed with mood boards (pinterest is everything to me), anything that let me express a niche aesthetic i have interest in. i enjoy reading tarot i have a decent crystal collection i keep on display. also a huge fan of candles, perfume, scented lotion, body spray, incense, anything really that smells fresh (inclshing just actual fresh air) point is, i love smelling good. bit of a skin care fanatic and have practically used my face as a lab rat for different chemicals. listen to music prosctially every hour of the day i love lana del rey, kali uchis, arctic monkeys, PTV, p!atd, slipknot, SOAD, fiona apple, cage the elephant, fleetwood mac, and the list goes on.

future aspirations: currently in my second year of community college but i’m basically just going to get into a white-collar desk job in fianance after getting my bachelor’s, i don’t have any passion for it but that doesn’t matter to me! money is money that feeds into real interests :) /gen

my type: i would say i’m a very open person, i don’t have a physical type but body wise i’d like my partner to be a little taller than me, either more extroverted than me, or capable of handling social situations that are too much for my anxiety. i am not the most outgoing so i couldn’t really get along with someone who wants to be out of the house constantly, my batteries NEED to recharge. other qualified i love are being complimented by my partner, being praised, info dumping + listening to them info dump!!! i love being spoiled + spoiling my partner in every way.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

How you met: Civilian Kyle never understood why the US Navy loved going to the beach. But after a successful mission with the Navy SEALs, he was invited to "train" with them on the beaches of California with a friendly volleyball competition. As he arrived at the beach in his swim trunks (ones that he had to buy because who would think they needed to bring one), he could see the net set up and a few patrons suntanning a good distance away. When the game first started, he had the unfortunate position of servicing the ball. He tried to do an underhand serve but it went flying across the beach and directly towards a young woman who was enjoying the summer sun. "Heads up!" he yelled but suddenly you caught the ball with record accuracy. Your silver hoops dangled as you rose from your towel and you could see a couple of the men motion for you to roll the ball over. You smirked as you palmed the ball in your hand and threw it up in the air, delivering a jump serve which hit the net with impressive force. Your actions received a few whistles and cheers and you smiled before going back to tanning and listening to your Fiona Apple album. After the match had ended, your sun was blocked by a young man who glistened with sweat in the heat. You lowered your glasses and struck up a friendly conversation. "That was impressive," he breathed out in a gorgeous accent, "you have to show me how to do that."

A peek into your relationship: "I still don't understand how you can do that," Kyle said as you laid on your couch, smoking a bowl. "You just have to grind it up, pack it, then you suck it like a strong and light until you see embers, and then you inhale," you replied before repeating your actions and blowing some smoke in his face. Kyle had been respectful of your habits and you entertained him as he couldn't risk a positive drug test. Besides, he enjoyed the company and your high thoughts. As he rubbed circles on your shoulder, you laid in his chest and mused about random thoughts. "Do you think that bees and butterflies are snobby about what flowers they pick? Like is it like when you go to a restaurant and you only like one type of food?" you asked and you could hear your boyfriend laugh wildly. "What goes on in that head of yours?" he replied and kissed your cheek gently. "Oh that reminds me there's some new summer perfumes from Sephora that are just calling to me!" you said excitedly before Kyle grabbed you and held you back in his arms. "Oh no you don't!" he exclaimed, "let's talk about perfume purchases when you're not thinking about the bees and butterflies."

[s-omething]

today is january 10 in 2023 and i thought i’d be happy by now.  that i’d feel at home and alive. turns out “home” just feels like some kind of extention of myself: if i’m good, it is good. if i’m not okay, it rots with me.  it isn’t filled with friends, laughs, cries, conversations, connections. no one comes, i sit in silence most of the time, looking at nothing. i have been distant, but at some point i make all efforts i could of reaching out and i guess my heart broke, i dont think friends want anything to do with me tbh.  i cant stop my mind racing on what i might have done wrong, i came up with too many answers without proof.  i thought i’d be less lonely, not more. i believed my dogs would be happier, now it just seems like i ruined their lives with my melancholy.  i buy the food i like but i still dont feel like eating it. i still drink myself to sleep sometimes, and sometimes drinking doesn’t do it either, the anxiety stays there, turns into anger.  i don’t have fun.  i am writing this today because i’m supposed to be learning to read my feelings, understand and accept them and work on communicating them, honestly it just feels like im getting it all wrong ‘cause i take too long to make it make sense and the answer is that im making drama out of small things.  i dont understand that, considering i soothe myself, do not show much emotion, control what comes out and swallow the most of it when i need to talk about it. i try to be practical and direct so they wont have a negative reaction or judgement out of it.  i think im bending to melancholic loneliness again and it’s terrifying. i have to be careful if i get sad because if it wins over me i might not get out of bed or eat or clean, work, pay bills, take my dogs for enough walks and just end up failing.  im not supposed to fail, im supposed to be happy, im home with my dogs and i am free.  am i cursed? why isnt it working? its already been 2 months, i was supposed to be okay. cooking isn’t fun anymore, i just drag myself to do it so i dont starve or get sick. while i cook i just resent myself in the fact that i will have to actually eat it later. it makes me anxious. i dont want to cook anymore.  turns out food will rot if you dont eat it, and i hate wasting food, it makes me anxious as well.  i made everything look the best i could, decorating as id like and now i absolutely hate it, to the point i avoid looking at details too long.  i have this urge to make things disappear if im not using them, it feels like too much, like they are not only standing there in the house, but standing inside my brain occupying space i don’t have. it doesn’t take too long, if i haven’t used something in a week, it starts to haunt me.  it’s been 6 hours. i finally had some bread, i had to, i could not open the bottle because of my weak ass hands.  i should cook real food, i know that, i can’t stop thinking about it.  there’s one meal left in the fridge and then im out, no meal. but i should have eaten it yesterday, its diner time today and i still couldn’t.  being honest here, i dont miss the way things were at all, i absolutely hated it and it was hell. i do miss my friends, i miss having people around, i miss having hope and plans. i daydreamed about what future would look like, now im in that future and everything is real but turns out im still me. maybe ill just never be okay.  it’s not that im not satisfied with my accomplishments, its not its just i got here, yay.. now what? i dont want anything, thinking of wanting something makes me anxious, i dont... want to want anything.  see, if i wanted all of this and i got it and im still a sad piece of shit, what’s the point? contini tastes like my 19th birthday. i drink it and feel the exact same feeling from that april 14th in 2018. i dont want anything from the future, i dont know how to accept help cause it honestly feels like torture, i love my friends but im certain i already lost them, i only listen to one song per day, repetely  thinking of changing into something else, listening to various songs or anything like that makes me want to rip out my skin on overwhelm. should i go back to anti depressants? i hate them, i hate being numb, i hate that they don’t make me happy or sad or angry or anything but empty. i absolutely will not do without orgams.  i kinda wish someone would beat me up so i could focus on something real and not stupid feelings that are just inside my brain yet having the power to paralyze me. i just need to cook some fucking food. maybe you can’t have friends correctly if you have depression, maybe i should just cook tomorrow. 

[fictionfixations]

hhhi guys wanna see me talk about what anime/manga i like

ok

so

my mal page looked kind of boring so i decided 'why not talk about what im fixating on'

and then it. expanded from there... (to be honest i think i just like yapping about anything and everything to people)

so im.

if i ever say a word that doesnt make sense. or well is typed then just know. that probably isnt meant to be there but i wasnt paying attention

also if i drop a line of thought suddenly. know that it is because i started typing on a different part because i kept hopping onto different areas and adding things that i mightve forgotten to go back to because i kept getting hit with thoughts on what to add

----

Current Fixations: Twisted Wonderland, Lout of Count's Family, Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint??? (i wanna get into it), Honkai: Star Rail uhh i cant remember anything else (i am slowly crumbling into a mess of sobbing noises as i delve deeper into the stories)

Potential: Debut or Die???? It seems interesting so far but I'm worried about how wacky idol drama might be. (..I remember googling something about it and there's just something about Park Moondae and.. pADS? or like tampons idk? And I'm pretty sure it's made up for drama (in story) but ??????) I really really like Dungeon Meshi. It's not something that's consumed my life that it makes up a lot of what I think of so uh not what I consider a fixation, but I like it and am excited to see it continued. (Yes I know there's a finished manga but I don't wanna get spoiled! This is genuinely a show I got into WITHOUT SPOILERS?? Which is insane because I usually get hit with MAJOR spoilers (end game type lol) that then make me think 'oh cool, that happens?' and makes me watch. But Dungeon Meshi had NONE OF THAT! I like cooking animes A LOT and just found it so I decided to get into it. It was great and I was not expecting there to suddenly be plot in my cooking anime but I don't hate it, it's really cool. I'm hyped.) Also Apothecary Diaries is great. I didn't get spoiled on that one either, I just got into it thinking it'd be something I could just put in the background (I did have it open though in dub so trying to pay attention while doing other stuff) and then it turned out to be actually really good. So, wow. The Promised Neverland season one was PEAK, best thing ever. Season two, uhh... (I did read the manga for that one though!) It also made me understand why MAL separates seasons, which made me very annoyed when I first made an account trying to add everything I watched and trying to add all the MHA seasons barely remembering which one had which. All Saints Street is cozy to watch. I have like the 3rd favorited because of that one episode where they're at like a play or something and Neil (with the help of like the Demon King I think??) suddenly busts out this really cool move. I want to read it's manga (listen I'm going to refer to it as manga because that's the term I'm used to otherwise I will be so confused) but MAL doesn't have that entry..?? It was in whatever state it's called when they're added but you can't interact with it because it's not added added. And now I can't find it so unfortunate. Apparently it has more gayness??

My thing is that I get fixated on something and devour so much content regarding it, and then drop it like a month later with little to no interest. Sometimes I come back to it but not as into it. (Sometimes I stay with it longer then that but I have my finger in a LOT of different fandom pies.)

Things I wanna get into: Black Butler, One Piece, Heaven's Official Blessing, Scum Villain's Self-Saving System (something like that i forgot the name), Bleach, Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, I'm Not That Kind of Talent, Naruto, Honkai Impact 3rd I went through Persona 3 Reload but I haven't seen the anime-related stuff to it yet. Have no idea what happens in The Answer. Vanitas no Carte. I watched one season and then stopped because I wanted to watch it while super focusing because I wanted to really pay attention. ..And then I never started. I wanna see what the hype about Nier:Automata is about but for the life of me I just can't get into it. Kind of want to get into Pokemon but I think I'm way too many years late on that train. Also I've started blanking out on what's going on with the.. Horizons?? Anime?? The new Pokemon anime.

Was fixated on but kinda not so much now? (Still keeping up with it): Oshi no Ko, My Hero Academia, Jujtusu Kaisen, Bungo Stray Dogs

Manga I want to read: Toilet-Bound Hanako Kun?? I saw the anime but that apparently skipped some arcs and then I never got into reading it. I finished Hunter x Hunter's anime and wanted to get into the manga to continue from it but then I never did it so oops but I don't remember what happened. Haha did I mention I forget things easy? ..Maybe Solo Leveling? I watched the anime but I honestly don't like the appearance change. It's probably just because of preference since it's not bad it's just not a thing I like. But I feel like I should because it is probably interesting maybe???? S-Classes That I Raised. I think the being looked down upon because 'so and so' would break me but TIME TRAVEL? Also story because goddamn like the beginning part?

Old fixations but will still like: Assassination Classroom was great to me. Ending always got me crying, and I like interacting with stuff related to it. Violet Evergarden is 10/10 always makes me cry even on rewatch, what a masterpiece. There's also Demon Slayer which I know the ending of but I really like seeing it brought to life in the anime. Hyped for the movies but also hell because movies take so long to appear in a streaming platform and already spoilers. Movie quality is crazy though so excited. Anyone remember that one fan animation of Zenitsu AND* (i said x but not in a shippy way but an 'and' way and i realize it could be taken the wrong way SO) Kaigaku or something that looked genuinely like an actual thing?? There's Spy x Family's movie which I haven't been spoiled yet but AHHHH. Danganronpa was a big fixation I had for awhile to be honest. Yuri on Ice was SO GOOD??? I do this thing where something gets popular and so I avoid it as much as I can. And then I turn around late to the party and get into it. I shouldn't but I do. I can't believe I didn't get into it when it got super big but I also probably wouldn't really remember what happened by then. Genshin Impact consumed my life until I ran out of storage so I got into Honkai: Star Rail. I'm not too too into Genshin anymore but trying to keep up with it? Kind of?

Dead fixation??: Fairy Tail I think was one of the first few anime I ever watched and I loved it so much. And also I don't remember anything that happened so... I kind of got into EDENS ZERO but I'm not that fixated and I'm not the biggest fan of fanservice. That one episode where, well, spoilers, but y'know the one where suddenly everything is going wrong and people are dying and then it turns out it's like a weird sort of power the protagonist who I cannot remember the name of for the life of me but is like Lucy but other character?? Her?? has??? It got dark QUICK and that was cool to see. There was also Sword Art Online? I really liked it but I have no idea what's going on now. One of my favorites was like Gun Gale Online to be honest though.

it. was originally meant to be just current fixations. but then i thought isnt that too little??? so then i started talking about things i kinda liked but wasnt sure on and then it spiraled from there

[thoughtcock]

One year later since my last post...

I'll have to say, so many things have changed. For the better. But also, I couldn't have been more out of touch with my own feelings. Time that could be used reflecting went on to the following:

Spending time with said ex-colleague, our relationship has evolved into something stable, comforting. A little less lonely in this city

New apartment by myself, furnishing/cleaning (I have so much more to say about this hehe)

New job with new benefits and perks, long work hours yet still having work life balance. Time spent learning how to deal with breaking news, make sense of filings, find specific figures, to make sense of this financial work

Everything is nice, but I am also yearning for more?

Boyfriend: how we can have a better quality relationship instead of just being each other's ranting bags/favour do-ers. Quite frankly we are in different phrases of life. I got out of my rut, while he's still knee deep in his. I don't want to discount his troubles, but damn the negative vibes sometimes just eats to me. For someone who's been in a rut I ought to be more understanding, but I also can't discount my own feelings of wanting something more than just "ugh everything in my life sucks" vibes creeping around me all the time. what is the right sense of balance in this case?

New apartment: I find myself becoming much happier since I moved to this space. A space that is truly mine, without much sharing apart from bf coming over regularly and helps with logisitics/some chores/companionship. I think for the first time in my life I truly feel like I'm creating a safe space, a HOME for myself. I never felt like that in the past. So that leaves me wanting to do more for this house. A new air fryer? More decor? fancy plates? A projector? What can i buy to make my home more homely? Or am I just spending too much and having to make space for so many more new items which could drag me down potentially? i'm also becoming neater and more organised (i know right who am i), so how do i want my space to be respected?

New job: how can i do more to drive up the career ladder? do i even want to do that when i already have enough in terms of pay and benefits? or do i want to keep building that validation amognst my colleagues and managers? what is it that i want to do for myself at this job? truth be told, its a cushy job that comes with high;y stressful moments and so so so much more to learn as well. how do i keep that balance of learning more without overwhelming myself?

I haven't been going for therapy ever since that B*etterH*lp counsellor semi-ghosted me after our last session. The good thing is my company now has quite a few mental help resources, so i'm trying to restart my therapy journey again. because despite all the new and good thigns coming in, i find myself shoving all my inner feelings and moments for self-reflection aside. sometimes the negative thoughts creep in, and i just feel kinda disillusioned/jaded in a way. i feel like i want to push people away and just be on my own. and i dont know why. i feel like it could be because im expecting more from my bf and hes just been too cooped up in his own negativity/issues.

i spend too much time doom-scrolling and thinking about all the other things that needed my immediate attention more. why would i spend time digging up on how my parents raising me has made me who i am today, when i have to spend time soothing my bf or preparing a tv hit for monday or thinking of what to cook for dinner or just being on twitter reading up on wars and influencer gossip? which is why i am finally back on this little space of mine.

I need time for myself to reflect.

[nya-vivi]

ok so i must admit i wasn't aware how long was that ask i sent earlier lol but im glad you liked it! im replying to the ask in another ask again because this will probably also be quite lengthy (im. rarely unable to keep things short lmao) so it should be easier for you to read it this way

anna sounds lovely and the restaurant concept is really really cool, and i completely get not liking killing ocs, i have one oc that i came up with specifically with the intention of her dying to develop my main oc but. let's just say currently she's happy and alive jdhhd

and ty for explaining more on lore and her heart i think i have a better image on what's going on in her story now<3 about that part with caribert, it's probably inevitable that future quests will kinda mess up whatever you or other people theorize about khaenri'ah in regards to ocs and other things, hoyo's really been microdosing on that lore until now huh

and ty #2 for explanation on how qinxi's name came to be, yeah you can send me the webbed site im kinda curious how it works ndhdh and her design sounds really nice too!! good luck searching for more makeup inspirations!

so a villainess that isn't a literal villain, got it. all the transmigration media i read/watched (3) had the mc inhabit a body of a villain in a literal sense hence my confusion jdhdh also skipping college in her story is such a power move so definitely do that, don't waste time on the academic things hdhdhd not worth the energy

catalysts are fun because you can assign the character as a catalyst and then just make them do whatever (*looks at heizou with his kicks and nahida with. keyboard buttons(??)*) so if you eventually decide to stay with this idea it gives more freedom even if you'd like to modify her actual combat style later

and ah well. i suppose it's understandable to be kinda scared of that, seeing all the jazz the traveler goes through ndhdh AND !!! DESCENDANTS!! i can't believe i forgot about these for a second but they're honestly such an interesting concept to me i was theorizing on them a lot back when that part of sumeru quest dropped so definitely do consider making vivi a descendant that would be sooooo cool of her

let's hope fontaine introduces a lot of interesting lore and gives you some nice material to work on<3 can't wait to hear about what else you will come up with

i'll definitely make a doodle of vivi she looks so pretty so thank you for allowing me<33 it'll probably also be only a bust because i hate drawing bodies but enjoy drawing faces ksidjshfh but we'll see. and yes please share with me/mention me in a post with that outfit design when you fully visualize it because it sounds like it will look really nice<3

IM SO SO SO EXCITED FOR FONTAINE TOO JDHDHD i really can't wait, i have a very busy summer this year im constantly going on different trips or visiting new places so i end up not having that much time to just sit down and play for a longer while but i planned to have a mostly free week when fontaine will be released jshshsh (kinda because both of my friends are also genshin players so we all want to have time to enjoy the new update)

our ocs would totally get along im absolutely sure of that and im actually planning to do some more sketches (hopefully soon but we'll see) i'll send them to you when i draw them<3

also hope you're doing well and have a good day! :3

LEN MY BELOVED MY DEAREST I'M SORRY I THOUGHT I HAD ANSWERED THIS 🤡

Under the cut for the answer so I don't clog my moots but aksjwisowen I'M SORRY I thought I had typed everything too?? 🤡🤡 I really have no excuse other than I am in fact a bit too scatterbrained... </3 also lately my notifs had not been working?? So if I don't answer you in three working days (/j) pls scream at me in DMs jabsowjdowbz

To the answer::

1. WE PLEAD FOR HAPPY OCs!!!!

2. I have Lorena cooking at very low heat until hyv actually gives us some consistent lore (aka lore that doesn't have conditions RIP) but I do think about her often. We will see with the next actualizations.

3. The web is this one (you can change and prod around in the side menu!) I also use it loosely and always check wikipedia to see if a real person would actually be called that way LMAO. Just my personal recommendation. I like this one because you have a lot of different hanzi and can look at the meaning. I also use yabla to safe-check the meanings and the reading!

4. So I have finally decided to make her a catalyst (even tho I could make a Kaveh and make her ✨magically✨ move a weapon around) because as you said, you can have a multitude of designs and moves to choose from! (Even if I'm laking in creative inspiration for those lolol) her moves are still a mystery to me ngl but I'm thinking of working on it soon, so at least I have that kavsoadb

As for the transmigration part I'm actually doubting what to do. I mean, the transmigration is getting done, but I am unsure as if to make it as if she just got her last life's memories or to make her replace the original soul (...they canonically exist in genshin no?? Like I'm not making this up right??). Both of them are SO GOOD... They both make objectively great plot points (and the angst material... Just thinking about it makes my mouth water /hj) so I'm not sure. I will have to check with my directive board (my besties) but advice slash opinions are very welcome!

As far as plot points go, good news! Vivi is not going into prision anytime soon :D! I really cannot make a good plot point for that after Fontaine's quest so I discarded the idea for now (on the foreseeable future...we will see).

It's just, Fontaine quest was everything I didn't expect but in a really good way. I really liked the mechanisms and playing lawyers (Yanfei would be so proud of us) and the archon was very fun and incredibly deep for the first nation quests. I completely disagree on the 'she is a brat' pipeline (we know the fandom likes to oversimplify characters into one ot two traits) so I simply didn't see the idea having much logic at this point.

5. I still don't have anything for her clothing javsisdbwdjsbk I have to think more about it tbh. Of course there are things I want to keep (as I said previously) but I just love the ribbons and frills in Fontaine (again.) so I would like to add more (I'm thinking of making something for her sleeves,, it's just that Eula's sleeves are top character design to me lmao.

6. FONTAINE IS SO COOL. I ended downloading it in my village, without wifi. My phone's internet died that day jahsosbdis and went diving as soon as it finished loading aidbwdeodbdie everything is soooo pretty. So pretty I am having trouble farming for Fontaine characters because I don't want to kill any of the fishies... WHAT DID THE LITTLE CRABBIES DO??? AND THE BIG ONES?? AND THE LITTLE FAMILIES?? (having internal crisis).

7. I'm going to scream again about your Vivi doodle because it fr was so pretty... And the fact that you didn't forgot the monocle??? I was super excited to see it oqbdowbdiwbd

This summer went well (I didn't do much tho... Family complications and all that 😵‍💫) and I begin uni in two days and I am. Not thrilled aksbaodbsis I need a few more weeks of freedom 😭

I hope your summer went good and you did all the things you wanted to do (or at least as much as you could do) 💕💕 Lots of hugs from my side 💕💕

[myaquariusheart]

16/4

Today was eventful but not that interesting. I woke up at a good time and got ready to go get my laundry and do my Superdrug shop. Mum and Dad were already about to leave to do some shopping for the house. I went a little overboard at Superdrugs but I did need a lot of things. Unfortunately, I was too broke to get my make-up but it wasn't too much of a need at the time so I can pick them up this week. It was embarrassing paying for everything with my change but it did the job and my hair is all vibrant and nice. I took Alv to the park, it was nice, the weather wasn't too cold or too hot and we had some yummy ice cream which I haven't had in ages. We went over to number 10 for iftar today and it was really good. It's always nice spending time with everyone and I'm super bloated now from eating too many muffins and drinking way too much avocado smoothie. I thought I was being really healthy drinking it all until I found out there was cream in there, which probably explains my bloating. I just finished reading a few chapters of You and I can feel myself getting a bit frustrated, it's mostly because my face feels so greasy but I'm not done having snacks and I want to go wash up for bed when I'm done with all that. I haven't prepared my outfit for tomorrow and I know I'm going to regret that in the morning when I spend about 20 mins looking for something to wear. I really hope I wake up early tomorrow as well. I can't do this anymore and waste any more lessons, literally less than a month away and I will never need to go uni again. IM GRADUATING!!! so I'm hoping I wake up in time and get ready to go to the inclusion class. if I don't I'm going to hate myself because I seriously need to watch other people's presentations. I need to have my tablet in a bit so I can fall asleep but I feel like there are too many things I need to do and I also just can't be bothered to get up from my bed. I'm too comfy. I'm going to watch JoJo's bizarre adventures from the start tonight and actually pay attention. I'm always watching things and keeping them in the background and honestly missing a lot of information that makes the story make sense. I started episode 1 earlier on before I started reading but it was honestly too distracting. whenever I watched it before I literally didn't think too much of why Dio showed up to the Jostar's family mansion and just thought he was a student there or something, how dumb of me. At least now they have 4/5 seasons up there, my excuse for not being too in tune with the story was the seasons weren't in order and I didn't understand it but I have no excuse. I feel pissed off and frustrated, this laptop is getting too hot, for reasons I don't understand, it hasn't even been on for that long so I don't get why it's cooking my lap right now. maybe I'm anxious for tomorrow, I actually have a lot of work to do and a lot to think about. My school journey is coming to an end and my adulthood is going to start on the 9th of May. I need to construct a new building on Sims, but it literally cost 100,000k and I just don't have that money right now, in the Sims world and my own world. If I don't construct that building soon it's going to take forever to level up. What am I going to do with my life, what am I even doing with my life, right now I don't know. Let's just see what Jonathan Jostar is up to.

[keefwho]

February 02 - 2023

Dream

I had a dream that my dad came over and invited about 5 of his friends. None of them were respecting my house or boundaries, using my bed as a couch since there wasn’t anything else to sit on. On top of it, my dog was acting up and kept getting out of her kennel so I had to keep punishing her in front of everyone. 

This dream reminds me of the time my dad actually barged in to show 2 people my cabin and they were walking around judging everything while I just sat there waiting for them to leave. And one of them asked me to look something up but I wasn’t sure if my browser was safe so I just used my phone. 

11:43 AM

I’m in a horny phase but I kinda wish I wasn’t. 

5:31 PM

I did my book reading again. I can tell you how I feel. I feel like there is someone pretending to be me in my own body. This is my “ego”. I am aware of it but it feels impossible to escape. I understand what it means to be more conscious or really be “myself” because I’ve gotten to that point briefly. The problem is I keep slipping back into acting how I think I should act. It takes constant upkeep to try and keep myself behaving in a way thats true to who I really am and what I really want. But this exact same thing happened with my anxiety. I remember when every day was a struggle. I remember how constant the fight was. Im pretty sure if I keep doing exercises that encourage perspective taking, it will get easier over time and I will reach a place where I don’t have to fight for it so hard. 

I really wonder why I am like this. Is it a form of autism? Or is it because of how I was raised? I’m inclined to believe the latter. I am aware of how lonesome I was as a kid and how my social skills suffered because of it. I am aware at how strongly I bonded with fictional universes and how that could have affected how I believe people are supposed to be, including myself. But while it is important to know the origins of my issues, they are no longer relevant. What’s important now is that I know about and admit what my problems are and I have directions on how to improve. 

I’ve found that drawing can really free who I am. Getting to draw my own ideas and express myself in all the minuet details, knowing I can’t “screw up” because I’m not doing it for anyone but myself. 

11:23 PM

I’m exercising some self compassion right now because I was talking about how just going across the street to the restaurant is a challenge for me. Not a HUGE one but a notable one. Listening to myself say that is like, come on man. It’s not hard for anyone else, why is it hard for you? Just do it. I feel foolish admitting it’s even something that crosses my mind as difficult. 

What I’ve been doing so far is steadily improving how comfortable I feel with scenarios in my own home. I feel like I’m almost complete with that goal. Its not that I had too hard of a time with things for the most part, but I’ve always had at least a small sense of discomfort with everything that I do. I’m trying to eliminate that completely. So when I say something like how eating something near it’s best by date is a “challenge”, its not a hard thing for me to accomplish on it’s own. But it is hard to do without having the tiniest bit of worry. Small threats with things like that are something I shouldn’t even consider. Thats what I’m trying to achieve.

The next step for me is to cook some raw bacon again. I used to do it sometimes but at some point I basically wrote it off of my list of things I’m okay with. I’m confident I’ll be okay with doing it again. Just to make it more challenging, I’ll even touch it with my hands. 

[sugaimhome]

Hi, I’m reading your period piece fanfic right now and I have some comments! :)

1. If it’s the 19th century and Taehyung is from a respectable family who owns a manor, I think it only makes sense that he has a staff with him. He doesn’t seem to be a recluse like Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights) but even he had some staff with him in his estate.

2. Secondly, when you say “manor”, do you mean estate?

3. In the scene when Taehyung visits y/n for the first time, i do not see it as gentlemanly for him to enter and visit her bedchambers. Guests and gentlemen normally stay in the drawing room while they wait for the ladies :) unless they’re very close already—but still, not something that is done on the regular. But given that Taehyung is already entertaining the thoughts of courting her, then he should really stay in the drawing room to keep up appearances. Courtship in the 19th century was all about “appearances and manners” :).

4. I think y/n’s family should also have their own staff if they can afford to live in an estate, even if it’s smaller than most. I do believe that you wrote the character of the father to have some money, right? Then a small staff should suffice to make their tea, answer doors, etc. :)

I love these questions because I absolutely agree!

for the moment I think Taehyung not having staff is because he wants to experience the peace of the countryside. He's definitely nothing like heathcliff but at the moment I think he's just enjoying the quiet. As the reader comes more into his life more staff will definitely be employed.

I definitely don't feel like a manor is the right word for where they live (traditionally for someone with a title) and an estate didn't seem right to me either because an estate normally includes a large area of ground for either farming or other houses, and for this story to work well their can't be many other people surrounding Y/N.

I absolutely agree it would have been gentlemanly for Taehyung to stay in the drawing room but 1. he didn't realise that the place she paints and the place she sleeps were one and the same 2. I don't think he would have cared anyways, he's got it in his head that he can have reader and that due to the setting, he can get away with whatever he wants anyways. In the first paragraph of the next part this is described from his feelings.

Readers family do have a singular cooking staff, Annie, who I do mention once but don't explore. everything reader does is because she doesn't understand the structure and mannerisms of society at their time.

thank you for your questions/comments! wuthering heights is in my top 5 fav books so im so glad u mentioned it lol

I am debating changing manor > mansion

[red-doll-face]

Here is a request for slashers if they're open. My brain does a thing where I am affectionate w a person but if I get nudged away (even if it's just to readjust the position), it goes "oh no. They don't want u to touch them. Do not touch ever again or they will get mad at u. U disgust them." Even tho touch is my love language & it hurts, I just won't touch. If confronted, I will get confused & panicky cuz "u didn't want me to touch? Im respecting ur wishes? Did I miss something?" Its a mess.

Requests are indeed open, I’m sorry I take foreverrr to do these but i hope u enjoy! I don’t know what to call this tho. For simplicity’s sake I’m calling this nervous reader lmao, idk what else to call these.

Slashers x gn nervous Reader

Jason Voorhees:

Jason can very much relate to the feeling. When he first meets you, he’s sure that you’re frightened. He restrains from being too close to avoid coming off as overbearing, doesn't want to touch you because if you flinch he’ll be so hurt. He just assumes he disgusts you. Based on the reaction all of his other victims have when they see him, he’s sure you’ll probably be the same.

Once Jason is sure that you don't feel that way, he’s a cuddle monster. He wants to be close all of the time, holding hands, letting you sit in his lap, you name it. He’s so starved and quickly decides that touch is his love language too. He’s not even sure how he’s lived this long without it.

The only time I can see Jason maybe gently sort of setting you down elsewhere and walking off is when he senses strangers on the property of what once was Crystal Lake. He’s out the door before he can even see your hurt expression, Which is worse because this might lead you to jump to conclusions.

If you distance yourself from Jason, he immediately is thrown off. He can’t directly ask you if he’s done something wrong and when he tries to initiate affection with you and you don’t reciprocate whole heartedly, he’s at a loss.

He’ll get on one knee while you sulk on the couch and give you a silent plea to tell him what's wrong. You can panic and try and avoid it but he is certain there's something going on and he wants so badly to know what he’s done to put you off. You tell him and he immediately is shaking his head no, he could never be mad at you, never be disgusted with you. You’re the most breathtaking person he’s ever had the pleasure of holding, the first, most likely.

Jason nods because he understands how you feel. In the future, he’s persistent about how you feel when he untangles himself from you, making sure you’re ok.

Michael Myers:

In the later stages of your relationship, Michael is insatiable when it comes to being in contact with you. For a long time, towards the start of your relationship, he didn’t like it. It felt weird. All of the touch he's experienced prior was so clinical and sterile that he doesn’t quite know how good touch is supposed to feel. He’s so touch starved that he’s almost positive he doesn't even need it.

Slowly, he builds a tolerance for it, much like one does with alcohol, constantly checking his boundaries and letting him control the situation and he’s all for movie night, huddled up on the couch, or waking up with his head on your chest. His own personal pillow.

There are, however, moments when his need to make someone tremble with fear and then blodgeon them to death with a can opener from their own kitchen becomes too strong, so he tries to keep away from you. In the past, he might have used you to satisfy similar desires of a sexual nature and may have really hurt you but he knows that it’s not always enjoyable to you.

Then, you stop touching him. Much like Jason, he starts to think you’ve become sick of him. Sick of his coldness, his muteness, his withdrawn demeanor. Maybe you’ve moved on and he tries to tell himself he doesn’t care but he doesn't think he can see himself touching anyone but you now.

It gets to the point where he comes home one day and you look heavily troubled, expressions he’s seen on your face before, only in the event that something terrible has happened. You ask to speak to him and he obliges.

You explain that you don’t think this relationship is working, that you’re pretty sure he’s disgusted with you and how difficult this event is because you didn't even want to talk about it but it's been hurting you for too long.

His response is to stand up very slowly, pick you up and lay down with you over him, simply laying there. Hopefully, knowing you’re the one person he would ever allow to participate in this intimacy is enough to show you that you mean more than you think you do to him.

RZ Michael Myers:

This Michael is more perceptive to your touch than his counterpart, your touch sends little shivers down his spine and as soon as he gets pretty used to it, he’s eager for more. This also takes some time but significantly less. He’s enamored with the idea of returning to a somewhat normal life. Your affection grounds him in that fantasy as much as being a murderer might take him out of it.

As he establishes a relationship with you, he may even be the one to start touching you instead of the other way around. He’s read books and always wondered what it might feel like to have someone genuinely touch him without fear in their eyes. Without malice.

An unsuccessful ‘day at work’ might have Michael feeling a little het up though. He can be moody and more rageful. Neither you nor his hobbies can calm him. He seems colder than usual in these states and can come off as very standoffish.

So when you try and touch him and he shrugs your hand off his shoulder, he can’t or isn't in the state of mind to address your frown and worried look. Michael, instead stomps off somewhere to be alone for a while; maybe take his anger out on something else. Some unsuspecting soul or maybe even a poor animal in the wrong place at the wrong time.

After he’s calmed down some, he returns and almost forgot about that sad little gleam in your eye before he left. Michael remembers when he sees you blankly staring at the TV, pointedly avoiding his gaze even as you utter a weak welcome home. It’s not very welcoming. He sits stiffly beside you, watching you from the corner of his eye. You’re closed off from him and he doesn't like it at all.

Migrating towards you slowly, he eases you into a familiar hug, his big bear hugs that are a little tight but inviting all the same. His huge torso and long arms seem to swallow you in his warmth. You hardly reciprocate. You look a little surprised. Though he never addresses it verbally, (which is probably better for you) Michael offers a single glance that communicates everything he needs to say. Don't ever think that again.

Thomas B. Hewitt:

Thomas’ self esteem issues and self image are not good. He honestly doesn’t like to imagine what he looks like to other people unless it can be as a threatening man you don’t fuck with. Meeting you, he realizes that it’s good to protect his family but he’d rather you not see him as someone only capable of harm. Tries his best to get the point across that while Hoyt may be adamant that horrible things happen to you, he’s not going to let them.

Thomas has received affection but always a familial affection. A pat on the back from Monty, proud claps to his shoulders from uncle Charlie, and hugs and kisses from his dear Mother. Nothing so foreign as a strangers touch over his arm or a soft embrace.

Unfortunately, Thomas can get reactive when you attempt to touch him without his mask on. He’s absolutely settled on the false reality that you’ll see his face and immediately decide that you never want to touch him again. Interacting with you with his bare face? That's a no for Thomas.

He puts on his mask that covers the scarred skin over his face and you look dejected. He was preparing for you to pressure him but instead finds himself trying to find out why you won’t touch him now. It’s not his face, is it? You respond with your reasoning. Thomas is so confused. How could you think that you disgust him? That he doesn’t want you to touch him?

He’s quicker than the others and immediately sweeps you up into his arms and holds you as close as humanly possible. Feeling disgusting and like some sort of burden is a feeling he’s so familiar with and if he can take it away from you, he will.

Will aggressively initiate touch with you for the next week or so just to solidify the fact that he cares about you and won't reject you just as you didn’t reject him.

Bubba Sawyer:

Bubba is a great cuddle buddy and partner. Hugs are his favorite and he hugs his brother all the time, lifting both Nubbins and Chop Top into the air for some brotherly love. If you’re smaller than them he’s all about picking you up and perhaps a little rough housing with you. He’s careful though or at least there are attempts made to be careful

Bubba, though he could easily spend the whole day doing nothing and everything with you, has work. Chores, butchering. Cooking, and tending livestock. Plenty to do at the sawyer house and he does most of it. Suffice to say there are times when you want to lather attention all over him yet he has to go back to work.

So caught up in work that he doesn't get what's going on til way later, when you’ve had time to stew in your emotions, firmly telling yourself that Bubba is annoyed by you probably. He’s baffled and confused at your silence, your crossed arms. The little furrow in your brow. He can already tell there’s something upsetting you.

Honestly, Bubba is so affectionate I can’t see him being the kind of person even capable of alluding to the fact he might be disgusted by you. How, if all he wants to do is love you? You may bring it up as a joke that you thought he didn’t like you and he almost seems offended. Not like you?

Bubba can squash any feelings you may have about that and then some. He will not let you drown in insecurities, not on his watch. This man will do everything in his power to make you feel beautiful because you really are.

I’m sorry these are super long but thanks for requesting!

[hollyhomburg]

(warning: overly dramatic) part of me wants to write like- a fucking messy story. like messy as in the m/c is involved with all of the boys kind of messy. like- maybe she was jungkook’s childhood love who he lost touch with when he went to become an idol. and then one day she moves to seoul thinking he’s forgotten about her and thinks “better not bother him- he’s famous afterall” and ends up starting her own life without him thinking that their paths will never cross again. 

she hooks up with seokjin on accident one night without knowing who he is. it’s against his better judgement but he can’t help the fact that sometimes he gets riled up in the way that only a good fuck can settle. a few days afterwords she realizes who he was and decides against contacting him or answering his text messages. ( though she does respond when he writes “i guess you’ve figured out who i am- and in that case- i have to ask you to agree to this” and she’s not an asshole- so she signs the non-disclosure agreement which she sends back to him without comment). 

only a few days later she runs into jimin- or more correctly jimin runs into her getting harassed late at night by a few drunk men. he pretends to be her boyfriend. He’s wearing a mask and a bucket hat and glasses- and despite his height jimin is commanding enough to get them to back off. he ends up walking her home “how do i know you're not trying to walk me home so you can find out where i live?” 

“you’re new here right? dont you know how many cameras there are in seoul” 

“there aren't any cameras on my street” and so jimin sighs, pulls down his mask and turns to a billboard of his face (this one for vt cosmetics sitting outside a closed olive young). imitating his pose for a second before he can see understanding dawn on her face. “see? you really think im going to do something like that?” it’s not every day he lets himself be seen like this- but he has a feeling that for you it’s worth it. but it doesn't get near the reaction that he wanted. 

you curse low, crossing your arms over your chest.  “how the fuck is there another one” and though jimin responds with a ‘what?’ you dont answer. you keep walking, kicking a stone hard enough to hit the billboard. and jimin has to admit this is the first time he’s ever felt lacking in front of a woman. it’s electric and he can’t say he’s not drawn in. 

he walks you home- does not kiss the strange woman who he just met on the cheek even though you’re looking sleepy and soft and vulnerable. jimin is a gentleman. 

it’s not until weeks later that she actually does end up running into jungkook- and she’s shocked to find that their friendship and the pure chemistry they have is still there. they meet up for coffee after coffee and then- she meets the boys, and both seokjin and jimin just try to reign in their over imaginative hearts (and maybe their boners- maybe her and seokjin meet up in some forgotten corner of the company for a repeat meeting- during which seokjin confesses she’s the best fuck he’s ever had). 

everyone can feel the tension between you and jimin. and jimin is the first to confess that yeah- they did meet a few weeks back. and you both pretend you’re not blushing when hoseok teases “wahhhhh thats like a drama” jungkook stoic faced besides her. tugging on her earing and whining to leave. he wants her all to himself- not hat he’d ever admit that. and jungkook- jungkook wishes his heart didn't hurt the same way it had 10 years ago- wishes his schoolboy crush could have just stayed that. 

what's worse- is that Taehyung and yoongi have taken an immediate romantic interest in her. kind of having more of an adversarial situation where they both keep trying to one up the other. Yoongi takes her out on a boat to watch the sunrise in the middle of the ocean, doesn't care about holding her hand in front of the others. yoongi is so sweet and kind; cooks her dinner when she shows up at his house crying for whatever reason (it was jungkook- it’s always jungkook) and when she’s done he kisses the curry he made off of her lips and hands her a water saying playfully. “if you dont drink enough water you’ll run out of tears.” 

“Are you planning to make me cry min yoongi?”

“Only out of happiness hopefully.” 

and taehyung takes her to an amusement park in the middle of the night, so that it’s just them and a few people who follow to run the rides for them. he lets her take cute couple photos and always offers up his oversized jackets for her when she gets cold after riding a wet ride. and maybe she catches him staring at her translucent dress. lets him pull her into a corner of the amusement park and fuck her where anyone could hear or see. “are you sure yoongi could fuck you this good? or seokjin for that matter? don’t think i havent noticed the way he looks at you.” 

and jungkook- jungkook can’t say anything- because he always puts the others first. and namjoon- oh namjoon and you have an incredibly intellectual relationship. Staying up after you’ve all drank yourselves nearly to sleep, jimin curling up on the carpeted floor near you saying “dont walk home alone- wake me before you go and I’ll walk you.” jimin is always saying things like that to you. and getting all protective whenever one of their backup dancers or any other man at the company shows interest in her. 

you and namjoon talk about everything that night- philosophy- love- life- it comes so easy for you to talk with him. and when that night he confesses that he’s never fallen asleep in someone's arms you pat your shoulder and let him lie near you on the wide couch. your hand smoothing up and down his back. and when you wake up in the morning before everyone elce you pretend he hadn’t migrated near you enough that his cheek was up against your chest- and he pretends he doesn't want to record your heart beat and put it into a song so that he can have it to lul him to sleep always. meet up once every few weeks to go on walks together because you both share a love for nature. trips to gardens and parks that feel more like dates than anything.  

and hobi- hobi sees it all happening and tries to stay out of it. rationalizes it that there has to be someone to stay impartial and professional. but you end up becoming friends against his better judgement. you do your work in his studio because you like how he’s always playing music even if he’s not working on one of his own songs, and even then you have headphone and jhope watches you sway and bob your head to whatever you’re listening too. very few people have a sense for beat like you both do- and though you can’t dance- he can see the potential in it. he offers to teach you and you agree and of course you end up fucking in the practice room because hoseok just needed to show her how to move her hips right. 

only- yoongi hears the noises from the studio and goes to investigate, and he’d love it if he wasn’t hurt but he is. So he ignores her for a little while- because he wants to move on- he’s tired of being hurt by her. and then when she confronts him- somehow everyones there and jungkook misspeaks- says some pretty terrible shit that he immediately regrets and when she runs out of course jimn follows her. “jimin just leave” 

“no- not until i know you’re safe” she sighs but then gets angrier when he grabs her hand. 

“no- don’t- don’t do that”

 “do what?”

 “hold my hand unless you have any desire to keep me- to actually love me- then you don’t get to hold my hand” and they walk- jimin grabs her hand and she just sighs- so tired of being pulled 7 different directions. thinks jimin is just interested in sleeping with her- but he’s not- he just wants to love her. 

things get even worse when she and yoongi makeup- decide to try and stay friends, and then jungkook confesses to her and turns the whole thing upside down and someone sees her and namjoon out walking, his arm around her shoulders and suddenly dating rumors are floating around everywhere. and fuck- they’re all fighting. jungkook grabbing her arm “she was my friend first” 

“yeah but i was the one who was romantically interested in her” 

“guess again” 

“that doesn't count seokjin hyung- you guys just slept together that's not love” and before any of them have a chance to settle it out she speaks above all of them (maybe picking up a glass and dropping it to get them all to pay attention to her. “maybe if you stoped and wondered what it was that i wanted you all wouldn’t be pricks right now” and then she just- walks out. dodges their calls- ignores every message. until namjoon turns up at her door and asks her to come see them. everyone nervous before jungkook swallows. looking at her with shining eyes, the face of her first love. “we’ve decided, if you’re okay with it, then we think we can share.” 

(PSA; this fic idea is not free to use!)

[merakiui]

welcome to the day a duck ruins your perception of items in genshin impact. i uh. made some items in genshin impact as yandere boys and what they're like sort of?? you could try and burn your eyes now. ;) adepti seekers stove- he's going to be a tsundere no buts or uhts. he's the type of yandere that's trying to be protective and failing miserably everytime. so being impatient and angsty. so, he resorts in kidnapping you instead. but hey look on the bright side! even when you're kidnapped you can have delicious meals and snacks! secretly likes to cook for you a lot, but he won't admit it even in death. just don't question why there's a lingering scent of sleeping potions in your meal and you'll be good as jolly jee! probably wants you to help him in the kitchen, since he once heard that couples do that. would probably give you self esteem issues down the line. "didn't i tell you to not get hurt? are you that much of an idiot?? here. have this it'll lessen the pain just a bit so we can walk back home. just drink it already." windsong lyre- smug bastard, smug shit. he's probably a player or just overly dramatic with everything. maybe he's righteous or something.. likes to show off his music skills a lot. he sucks at it tho. gaslights you probably in public places to add more pressure, because people are staring like you're having a performance or something. calls you love even if he's pissed at you for not listening to him, or accusing him of being toxic or suspecting him of being your stalker that always watches you from your window at 2am! would make you paranoid a lot. loves kissing your cheek and tickling you. he's a closeted pervert. you're gonna have to move in an isolated place too, he will spread rumours of you being his lover. "love, I'm sure that you're just overreacting. plus even if i was the stalker that you're talking about I wouldn't be oh so casually talking to you in public when I could've been hiding! jeez it's like your going crazy." wind-blessed harpastrum- such sweety! just so wholesome bakes you a pie in tuesday sweet. seems patient too but beware he will break your legs when you get a little bit too bratty for his tastes. touch starved too and it shows, that's why he loves to cuddle you lots! really obsessed with what you think of him. if you say you hate him he'll tear up and try to convince you that he's good, but if you pretend that you like him he'll shower you with uncomfortable affection and confessions. really great at making bombs and torture weapons too. probably sewed in a bomb inside your body threatened that he will kill you with it if you leave. bad at darts and archery. if you say that to him he'll laugh and take out his diploma saying that he's too smart for those childish games. he's impulsive in decision making. "haha. you know. you almost escaped from me back there. but hey! now you won't do anything stupid like that ever again if you can't walk." windblume balloon: listen man. im going to be killed but he's an airhead, pun intended right there. probably lowkey manipulative and doesn't even know it yet or chooses to ignore it. protective of you a lot. really delusional to the point that he rationalizes your escape as someone kidnapping you. so say goodbye to whoever poor stranger who was trying to help you escape they'll be greeted by an arrow through their head once he finds you. has a habit of holding your hand because he's afraid you might disappear from his line of sight and leave him all alone. if you let go tho he'll gorilla grip your hand, might crush it too. just very overprotective. he also doesn't know that he's an airhead. yeah."hm? why do i like holding you hand..? i just like it.. your hand makes me feel... uh. safe..? is that the word for it? ah. it was the word loved." wind catcher- he's a full on sadist. throw all of your escape plans out the window, this guy will climb a mountain and ride any wind current available to catch and torture you. persistently trying to make you like him atleast a bit. yeah, he's that kind of delusional. would teasingly push you

of a cliff as a 'light' punishment. dark humour and likes to joke about killing you from time to time. note: he can kill you. and he would also do it by ripping you in half with the wind current so just stay in his house and be a good lover that'll shower him in kisses, okay? okay. he mostly sees you as a tool of interest, but not just any tool- you're his favourite tool. "pfft! hey stop crying now! you're making me feel bad! hm? oh? why am i doing this? well i mean maybe I'm angry that someone was trying to escape. again." warming bottle- he will absolutely leave you in the cold if you were being a brat towards him. lives in dragonspine to spite you, also because he can just turn take away your blankets and anything that can give warmth so you gotta ask him to cuddle you to survive. he usually does this when he's feeling a little petty. which is so frequent. that you can almost give it a schedule. but don't tell him that. kind of a tsundere but only when it comes to physical affection since he's shy. that's why he has to take away your blankets so it looks like he's just mocking you but not because he's touch starved. he's not at home that much too but don't worry, he will make it up to you by uh.. physical activities.. "what? you're freezing? no shit we're in dragonspine. oh? you want me to hug you..? hm. fine. I'll indulge you for a bit. I am quite merciful." parametric transformer- businessman that scams you a lot lol. he's going to be a masochist because i said so, yeah i know the electric stone thing gag that's why i made him a masochist. really likes to collect useless stuff and spoiling you, so expect your room to be filled with a lot of random things from jewelry to mushrooms and crabs. has a you should be grateful i even give stuff mindset. thinks that giving someone something of vaue would make them fall in love with him instantly. also probably loves it when you fight back especially when you successfully land a hit on him, he will enjoy it. but be careful he has different responses whenever you hit him. pick your poison. spends a ton of resources on everything to keep you in line. that rope costed him 700 pinecones. "why do you even wanna escape? i give you a ton of stuff so you won't get bored! hah. maybe if i had picked up someone else they would've been grateful." portable waypoint- throw out your escape plans the season sequel. he's very quiet but has a small temper that won't last that much. maybe he's like that since he tries so hard to repress it. listen he's trying okay? escape always fails so quickly. one minute you're in springvale shouting, crying, begging for anyone to help you and then back to his house to see him sipping some tea. his punishments are cruel too- he makes sure to leave you in a den of monsters and ruin guards, waits until your in the brink of death and teleports you back to him. has a superiority complex over everyone too. probably likes to make you feel weak when you have to rely on him. loves to crush your self esteem. wants to be affectionate but thinks that you, as an inferior being, should be affectionate with him instead. so tsun. "see? this is what i was trying to tell you. you're too weak to actually survive out there. you even had to rely on me to save you. pathetic." memento lens- mysterious and elegant. he's quite cryptic to say the least. likes to watch you from a far if he's feeling a bit angsty. you try to make sense of what he says and it just leads to you being confused even more. and he likes that about you. you actually try to understand him, even if what you guess is wrong. you're going to have a tough time with this guy if you wanna escape. just avoid any fox statues and you'll be good. the problem is the shrine maidens. they basically want the two of you to end up together so they don't have to deal with him. he's actually very gentle with you punishments still suck but atleast he doesn't do it physically, he just makes you write that you're sorry over and over until your wrist are tired. loves poetry and solving puzzles, riddles, scriptures. he's

smart but soft. "spring blossoms even in the darkest depths of uncertainty, is that why you have the courage to try and escape me..?" kamera- perfectionist stalker. wants to make sure that the photos he takes of you are perfect to every extent. colour, lighting, and expressions. even if it means going inside your room and having the possibility of waking you up from your sleep. likes to take pictures of everything too. kind of like this; both of you are walking somewhere and he stops to take a picture of a sunset. he takes twenty minutes trying to find the correct angle. but the sun is already gone so he sulks. maybe- you can cheer him up by volunteering to be his model? you'll do that? right? also worships you like a god so if someone dared to even say something breath near you or celestia forbid insult you, best to say they'll be quickly disposed of by blackmail and fake shit. would not steal any of your belongings, he would just take pictures of it. so he's not that bad. "i consider everything in this world is beautiful, but you have surpassed that. so that is why im keeping you here. no one deserves even a glimpse of you!" waverider toolbox- he's such a gentlemen and a sweetheart. always there to help you with repairs, sometimes he'd add some updates to it too. just ignore the stuff going missing inside your boat thing. he probably guilt-gaslight you into staying with him in his waverider then bam your in an island stranded. ahaha, now both of you just have to survive by working together ya know? like a loving couple likes hugs and physical affection a lot! bonus points if it's given when he's tired from doing his job. as i said tired guy so appreciates all the things you do for him whether it's paying for his meal or giving him a gift. next time, he'll make sure that you won't leave the island permanently. thinks that stranded island equals date smh. " ahh? oh! is this for me? really? thank you.. i don't usually receive gifts but that just makes this even more special! say, do you wanna go on a trip? i just fixed the waverider from last time." red feather fan- mischievous little shit. likes to scare you a lot by appearing on trees and just jumping on you. knows that you're trying to escape but pretends not to since he likes to try and guess which direction you would run to. hugs you a lot even before he kidnaps you really touchy even if you say no he'll use the good ol puppy eyes! doesn't work? okay he'll just smell your clothes when you're sleeping as compensation. he likes to flirt with you a lot. some pickup are cheesy.. but others are a little- personal? acts cool by making a dramatic entrance everytime even. you know those radical superhero landing stuff? that's him. he would build a nest as your house even being a dick and placing it on top of a mountain, goodluck on trying to get down. "caught you! going to the shore was so predictable by the way. maybe you should try a different place next time, dear? hm? maybe a restaurant so we can have date? sounds great right?" serenitea pot- unhinged malewife that wants to make a the perfect living space for you- ehem. probably a perfectionist if you squint hard enough. he's delusional but just a little lucid about the stuff he does to you. likes to make a ton of furniture too! personalized the room you're trapped in with a ton of valuable and expensive materials. just don't try to escape he'll cut your limbs off just like a damn tree shawtie. owns a shit ton of pets ranging from boars to cats. all of them are like bodyguards to you during your stay. dreams about having a peaceful life with you in the realm someday, sigh. he sometimes has burnouts where he just places a bunch of furniture on a single room and call it a day. "and here is your room! do.. do you like it? i made it just for you! i didn't know what wood you would prefer so i just settled on whatever i can find! ahaha. we're kind of like a married couple living together now... right?" nre menu- he's probably going to be from the adventurers guild. really awkward and shy. takes for him a long time to

open up to you. when going on quests he's the one in charge of carrying the food and healing shit you need. really patient and nice! slightly uh mean with other people trying to talk to you but other than that everything is normal. everything is normal the long loving gaze he gives you every now and then and some food being left on your doorstep. yeah let's not question it i mean he's just so shy! he would never do anything wrong? right?? he's a closeted pervert, cliche i know but he's a pervert with a line to not cross. he just checks you out. good for him. would cry if given any ounce of affection. sweet baby. "t-that was a tough commission.. oh u-uh.. do you need some food to replenish your energy? we need to do the other commissions you know.. hm? why aren't you eating it.. something wrong with the food..?" seelies- spoiled. that's the word to describe him. really straight forward with his courting kind of dumb? but he's so damn lucky for some unknown reason that your plans to avoid him always fail. yeah the high quality rope you just bought for 1000 mora? it broke and you fell into his arms. he's probably rich by sheer dumb luck too. finds a ton treasure chests even in the places you didn't expect. people pressure you into spending time with him. since he's just so cute! how could say no to such a face? it really feels like the gods are on his side ya know? he throws a lot of very very aggressive tantrums if you're not with him. thinks he's doing a good job at courting you, with rationalize rejection as a playing hard to get. "tada! look i got you this crystal i found while i was walking! it looks like a diamond and it has a ton of colours too?? is it valuable?? would you kiss me if i give it to you??" endora- majestic, regal, and likes to explore a lot. he uh. probably trapped you in a bubble once or twice too. really curious about his surroundings, also has no personal space since it's first time going out. he would cuddle you when he feels like it homie. kidnapped you and made you his tour guide. don't try to fool him he learns quickly about stuff. fast swimmer, so no joining any expeditions in water if you don't want their ship to be wrecked by a mysterious being of the teyvat seas. he likes to see you cry. it's not a kink he just feels connected to you when you cry. doesn't have a house so you just live in a run down boat. he's doesn't know when you're lying to him sometimes. god complex bastard. "this world. at first i wasn't sure if i was going to like it or not, but ever since I've met you... I've grown to tolerate some parts.. so you should be thankful, you've convinced me. mortal." intertwined fate/older twin- listen. he's just so smug about everything he does. and he knows you love him. probably invites you out on dinner only for him to not show up. so basically he's an asshole without a doubt. toxic boyfriend that gives you false hope and has a ton of admirers. you probably think he won't settle for you right? ah, he's not that cruel. so picks you as his lover out of all the billions of people. you should be grateful! he even kidnapped you! do you know how hard it was for him to go all the way from his home to yours? anyways yeah. asshole. he likes to do the open the door for darling trick where he just gives you a small crack on the door and watch you make a decision. it's an act of your loyalty. if you escape he'll make you feel pain. if you don't then he'll reward your patience. god complex bastard 2."sigh. did you try to escape? again? patience is the key to everything you know. maybe you should learn that. i expected more smart from you." acquaint fate/younger twin- cinnamonroll he's such a sweet guy. he's always there for you when you need him. okay- he has a nice guy complex, fucking damn it. probably uses the but I've been there for you since the start trick unintentionally a lot. he just doesn't know he wants some action, so be thankful that he didn't just jump on you like a barbarian. he's kind of contradicting himself too. one hand he wants you to love him, on the other hand he doesn't

believe he deserves you. loves to give you the same things, remember that one painting you liked from two years ago? he got you that. quantity beats quality. surprisingly, he's really patient but would have bursts of anger every now and then. has a self value issues?? yeah, but did i tell you he's a touch starved guy. punshments are just him softly lecturing you about what's good and what's wrong."i always viewed myself as inferior, that i didn't deserve anything.. but this time. i want to be greedy just once." that's it- :'D i haven't proofread this but here you go mer! ill probably continue with more humanisations of items in genshin later.. if you ask why i ruined your day with this crazy idea i was watching that one video of a person humanising social media and got this idea. also i discovered how to bold out texts... i have power..ejwjdhshaj

so yeah have a great day! -🦆anon

I AM IN AWE?!?! WHOA OMG!!!!! 🦆, THIS IS FANTASTIC!! AAAAAA (≧∀≦)

All of the various characterizations… *chef’s kiss* It’s literally so good! With each one I read I kept thinking okay this guy is my favorite and then I would read the next description and my heart was stolen again. I can’t pick a favorite now. T_T

[miyuwuki]

Hello! Congrats for the 500 followers! ^w^ happy for you and you deserve it! Keep on continuing snd more people will be supporting you! So I am now here for the match up >:> i'm excited! (MBTI) Soooo I'm both Istj/Enfj TvT I know both are different but took multiple test both keep coming up.... (Personality!) I'm like a dom woman but like a good girl too? (idk if that makes sense TwT)- I am smart but really really crazy, very friendly (just come up to me and talk to meh for hours we friends >:>), a people pleaser, loving, respectful, easy going, chill, very patient, very supportive, not good with emotions, caring and responsible. Also I can be egoed, sarcastic, sassy, very down to earth, understanding, stylish and easy to influence and be naive. (ಥ‿ಥ) (likes) Anyways I am into musics, arts, cooking, learning, reading, laying in bed, listening to someone (Of course not someone who is not making sense and is just chill but interesting), exploring and more likely to do sport and create stuff! (dislikes) While I don't like people who are being annoying and being very so clingy, who who doubts me, bullies mah love once/or the people I care about (mama bear here >:>), who doesn't listen, kept making excuses, dishonest and people who can't keep a promise. (Who I'm looking for) Okay here we go! I am into loyal guys and can be a best friend while a lover- Being like a caring father (mostly for my mental issues and protecting me when I can't defend for myself) and be mah baby and a sweet heart for loving and supporting me (OwO maybe someone who depends for my care too). I have been influence to watch knb by a friend now I am obsessed TvT anyways that's all about me! and again congrats for the success! keep on going! (* ^ ω ^)

a/n: hello ty!!!! im glad you’re here!! enjoy the event @mavoumeen !!

DIAMOND NO ACE

kominato ryousuke

ryo!! ryo loves your switch sides so yeah, he totally gets you. he has a strong urge to protect you and take care of you because of your naive nature; he doesn’t want you to get hurt, so he always intervenes when you’re in a situation like it. one time, a group of really mean girls were picking on you, but you thought they were being nice! so before you bought them drinks from the vending machine, your boyfriend comes up to them and says “i bet you don’t even know their name.” and they just left. awkwardly. when he tells you that they were using you, you let your mouth loose. “damn, everyone wants me huh.” as a joke ofc. he laughs, he loves that sadistic side to you because he’s much the same. it’s often that your dates consist of just enjoying each other’s company,, like you’ll be in his dorm and he’ll be studying and you’ll be reading. sometimes you both will take a stroll in the park, or even play some baseball together! ryo is very honest and not clingy at all; he is so busy with baseball (and even busier that he’s continuing in university) that he won’t make you feel trapped. you see the way he cares for his brother; he takes good care of you and is like your best friend; you can rant to him, cry, whatever. he doesn’t judge and in fact, he falls in love with you even more. he is constantly supporting you, even if he doesn’t say it. 

KUROKO NO BASKET

mayuzumi chihiro

LET ME EXPLAIN !! your crazy side meshes well with his quiet side, like opposites attract LOL. he loves it when you go off, being sassy and all that, he usually just snickers to himself. when he opens up to you, you get so interested because he doesn’t open up to anyone really, so hearing what he’s like fascinates you. i feel like sometimes he doesn’t take good care of himself, so he appreciates your nurturing nature, even if it’s a lot of nagging. you are mayuzumi’s #1 bestie, so you guys have a very close relationship. he tells you everything he thinks and the more expressive he becomes, the stronger your relationship is! of course he is your #1 fan, but will intervene if he has a different opinion on something. he is so patient, so while you learn how to deal with your emotions, he’s there cheering for you on the sidelines. he will wait however long until you can open up to him :) he’s usually watching over you because of how naive you can be; he’s the logical one, and you’re the emotional one. like i said, opposites attract! he loves you so much :))

*＊✿❀reblogs and likes are appreciated❀✿＊*