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houseisekai · 3 years ago

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House Isekai: A Realm Reborn - Part 3, Thunder Rolls (2 of 2)

House Isekai ARR Masterlist Here

—

Client: Marianne Von Edmund

With Marianne's help, the new House Isekai split off into teams to find this mysterious object and take it down before it becomes too dangerous...

[Tactics - Fire Emblem: Three Houses OST]

Marianne handed Sitri a paper with all the findings her scouts have reported.

(Marianne) "I hope this will be of use to you all."

(Sitri) "It will, thank you, Marianne."

Marianne nodded and smiled.

(Marianne) "Please be careful, I would not like to see any of you come to harm."

(Kazuma) "Eh, don't worry, the kids'll be fine with us!"

Marianne raised an eyebrow, although her smile was still kept.

(Marianne) "With Rean and the others, I can believe that."

(Kazuma) "Hey, who was the group that saved your guys asses plenty of times back then? Mine, that's who!"

(Rean) "Aaaand, don't forget who bailed you out for a lot of those situations."

(Aigis) "It was us."

Kazuma continued to cause a commotion, letting the other groups spectate.

(Jean) "They all seem rather close."

(Lisa) "Reminds you a bit of home, doesn't it?"

Lisa smirked as she turned to Kaeya and Diluc.

Diluc rolled his eyes while Kaeya shrugged.

(Kurt) "I trust Instructor Rean and Towa's guidance, but I am unsure about the other two."

(Juna) "Well, that Aigis lady seems nice enough though, now that I think on it, what CAN those two do?"

(Ash) "Noticed Kazuma has a dagger and a short sword on his belt, but for Aigis...can't tell."

(Altina) "It appears she is like me."

(Juna) "Wait, as in not human?"

Musse turned to the Garreg Mach students.

(Musse) "What do you guys think?"

(Astrid) "Eh? Well, I dunno. I've only heard stories, never seen them in action."

(Helena) "Gets kinda hard to tell what's true."

(Stefan) "I guess today's our lucky day!"

(Elizabeth) "Hmph, if you call having to deal with otherworldy monstrosities lucky!"

(Helena) "Harsh. These people aren't that ugly."

(Elizabeth) "What in the-That is not what I meant and you know it!"

(Kairos) "..."

(Astrid) ? "Kairos? Somethin' up?"

(Kairos) "Huh? Oh, I am fine. It's nothing."

Kairos looked back down, a bit dejected.

(Stefan) "The things Lady Marianne and Sitri say getting you down?"

Kairos raised his voice to object but sighed instead.

(Kairos) "I just cannot believe I let my immaturity get the best of me there. These people are the reason we're here right now, but I cannot shake off how I feel that easily."

(Elizabeth) "I...would be lying if I said I did not feel the same."

Venti and Amber didn't mean to eavesdrop, but it was hard not to considering how loudly they were announcing their feelings to the entire group.

(Venti) "If that's the case, why not get to know us then?"

(Elizabeth and Kairos) "Huh?"

(Amber) "Yeah, this mission looks to be tough, so if we all work together, I'm sure we'll be friends in no time!"

(Kurt) "I would not be opposed to it. Well, considering that we also have no alternatives present as well.'

Meanwhile, the Instructors finally finished their conversation.

(Marianne) "I wish you luck, House Isekai."

(Rean) "Thanks, Marianne. We'll be back as soon as we can."

Marianne bowed and went inside back to her estate, leaving the Instructors to walk back to their groups.

(Towa) "So, what's the plan?"

(Sitri) "I...Hm."

She stopped walking to take a moment to think.

(Sitri) "I think it'd be best if we were to all search together. We have no idea what we'd be up against."

The tone of her voice made it sound like it was more of a suggestion than a command.

(Sothis) "Looks like the group has another one."

(Diluc) "Miss Sitri, was it? If we could speak our mind."

(Sitri) "Huh? O-Oh, Go ahead."

Kazuma leaned over to Rean.

(Kazuma) "She doesn't exactly sound confident for a headmaster."

(Rean) "Being fair, she was just a nun from what we were told by Jeralt."

(Aigis) "Affirmative, she also was very weak and could not leave Garreg Mach often."

(Towa) "...S-So, if that's the case, how is she walking around out here carrying her sword no problem?"

The four stared at her while Diluc was explaining the group's plan.

(Rean) "Lahabrea did mention she was chosen to be resurrected for a reason...Did we ever find out why?"

They were silent.

(Kazuma) "Tch, even dead Those Who Slither are a pain in our ass. We never get straight answers from them"

(Aigis) "Well, that wasn't Those Who Slither, that was Byle-...Er, Lahabrea who did the resurrection himself."

(Towa) "Regardless, I think we should ask this ourselves another time."

(Diluc) "...And so, we think splitting up is the best way to approach this threat."

(Sitri) "Well..."

(Jean) "You have our word that nothing will befall any of your students."

(Kurt) "And mine as well."

(Helena) "To be fair, this would be a good way to know how we all fight considering this is our first assignment together."

(Sitri) "Fair enough...Very well, we shall split into teams.

(Rean) "I think it'd be best to mix and match teams."

(Aigis) "Agreed. Based off initial data, I will configure the teams as follows:

First Team will consist of: Rean, Sitri, Helena, Stefan, Kaeya, Amber, Altina, and Ash.

Second team will consist of: Myself, Kazuma, Astrid, Diluc, Jean, Venti, Kurt, and Juna.

Third team will consist of: Towa, Kairos, Elizabeth, Lisa, and Musse."

(Jean) "No objections from me."

(Ash) "Sounds fine."

(Musse) "Aww, I wanted one with Rean-"

(Rean) "You'll be fine under Towa's command. Besides, she was your homeroom teacher anyway."

(Lisa) "Ouch, shot down."

(Musse) "Doesn't mean I'm giving up!~"

(Lisa) "Oh, I like your attitude, love is such a powerful thing..."

(Towa) "Uh...."

(Elizabeth) "I had some slight objections being put in a group with you, Kairos, but now? I think I am glad to have at least someone familiar..."

(Kairos) "Ugh, the feeling's mutual."

(Rean) "Right then. We'll split up and meet at this point in the map if we don't find anything."

(Kazuma) "How are we gonna keep in contact if shit goes down?"

(Aigis) "Rean and Towa have their Arcus Units, and I believe the students of Garreg Mach have something similar."

(Stefan) "Yes, we were all given a communication crystal upon our entry for Sitri's group."

All the students of Garreg Mach pulled out a small flat crystal that faintly glowed blue.

(Kaeya) "We have our methods then. It's probably best we stop wasting time and get moving."

(Sitri) "Agreed. Everyone, remember to be safe. This may be only our first assignment, but do not underestimate the danger. Your lives could be thrown away if you're careless enough."

Everyone nodded and split up.

(Towa) "Alright, looks like we'll head to the site where it was first spotted. This way everyone."

Towa's group walked down a path deeper into the forest and slowly disappeared from sight of everyone else...

...

===

Doomguy's Base, Present...

Doomguy tapped his foot while listening to the Persona Users give their explanation of what was happening.

Apparently, Ryuji, Ann, Mitsuru, and Naoto fought off a group of hulking green creatures calling themselves "Orks" who came from Fodlan's Crystal Tower.

(Yu) "And that's about the gist of it."

(Yosuke) "Yeah, we weren't close enough to the scene and the news gets everything wrong anyway.."

(Futaba) "Even with my hacking I can't get a full picture, it happened so fast."

(Akihiko) "You still got any idea what's going on in Fodlan right now?"

Doomguy shook his head, and shrugged to the air, indicating for VEGA to speak for him.

(VEGA) "Unfortunately, no. There is too much interference for us to make contact with those currently in. That being the case, they are working to rectify this communication block, hopefully soon."

(Junpei) "So what, we're supposed to twiddle our thumbs and just wait?"

(Yukari) "And what exactly can we do, Stupei? If all of us just jump in guns blazing, who knows how long we'd be trapped, and how Fodlan would react!"

(Makoto) "Our entry and exit wasn't the most graceful after all..."

(Akira) "I have faith in everyone over there. It'll be up to us to keep our home safe."

(Chie) "Hey, who else has responded anyway? Seems not too many of us were able to make it in there."

(VEGA) "You are correct. The only ones to answer the call are yourselves, Rean, Elliot, Laura, Fie, Towa, and Kazuma."

(Morgana) "Anyone else?"

(VEGA) "The Denizens of Nazarick appear to be busy handling their world's politics, but they have acknowledged our call and plan to send whoever is available. The same goes for the remaining members of Class VII."

(Teddie) "Oh, how about Yuki-chan and the others?"

(Fuuka) "The School-Living Club?"

(VEGA) "I'm afraid nothing has been sent our way. Not even an acknowledgement."

(Rise) "I hope they're alright. Their world didn't exactly sound forgiving..."

(Kanji) "It's prolly' best they weren't here anyway. Not sure they'd be much help...Er, wait that sounds bad!"

(VEGA) "Negative. You are objectively correct, in terms of combat at least. Megumi and the School-Living Club were the least active members when it came to fights. Their efforts were focused on helping fleeing civilians and moral support. Neither of which we are sure is needed for Fodlan's current circumstances."

(Ken) "I'm sure everyone's fine. We should be worried less about how they are and more on how the Crystal Tower came to our world to begin with."

(VEGA) "We are currently looking into that as we speak. Please feel free to rest here until then."

The Persona users nodded and tried their best to relax, not knowing what the future would bring...

===

[Stilness of Night - Trails of Cold Steel 3 OST]

A few hours later...

Towa's group kept investigating the points of which the scouts had written on the reports, but they had found nothing.

No trace of any warning shots Marianne mentioned, its like they had completely erased the evidence.

The sun was starting to set, but thankfully it was still bright enough for them to keep looking untroubled.

Lisa was close by with Towa, looking with her and Musse while Kairos and Elizabeth investigated somewhere close by.

(Towa) "Hm...still nothing."

(Musse) "Instructor Towa?"

(Towa) "What is it, Musse?"

(Musse) "If I can ask, why is it that the people of this world hold such hostility against you?"

(Lisa) "I have been rather curious myself. It seems every opportunity those two in particular talk bad about your old group."

Towa looked up and made sure Kairos and Elizabeth was far away enough for her to continue.

(Towa) "Truth be told, our group was a mess. We kept coming in out of nowhere, and forming this massive superpower that threw a wrench into all the world leader's plans for...whatever they were going to do. World Domination? Separation? I have no idea."

Towa's eyes looked down as her expression darkened.

(Towa) "We lost a lot of friends during that war too, they gave their lives for a world they didn't know. But this place is home to us, just as much as it is to them..."

Musse and Lisa looked at each other but didn't say anything else.

Towa was doing her best to keep those memories out of her head. She had to keep a clear mind for this assignment.

Though, being told that their group was the reason a civil war was on the brink again, it didn't sit well in her stomach.

Towa's mind ached, thinking the possibility of losing even more friends to this world, which she was struggling to keep out.

Lisa walked towards Towa, kneeling down and rubbing her head.

(Lisa) "There there...I'm sure they'd understand if you told them. No need to fret."

Towa shot back up, a slight tinge of red as she put her hands on her hat.

(Towa) "ACK!"

(Lisa) "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle."

(Towa) "N-No you're fine, Miss Lisa! I'm just usually used to Rean doing that...Which, now that I say out loud, is kinda weird..."

(Musse) "Hmph, lucky."

(Lisa) "Is it weird? I was under the impression you were a couple with the way you acted."

(Musse) "I'm sure she'd like that!"

Lisa and Musse's smirks were flustering Towa.

(Towa) "T-That's not relevant, Musse! And Miss Lisa, we are NOT a couple!"

(Lisa) "So, you're available then?"

(Towa) "BWUH-WHAT?!"

Lisa failed to hold back a chuckle.

(Lisa) "Relax cutie, I'm just joking...Mostly."

(Towa) "Ugh, please just focus back on the task at hand!"

She began mumbling to herself.

(Towa) "You think I'd be used to this considering how much time I've spent with Angie and Crow..."

Lisa crossed her arms as she turned back to finding any signs of a fight.

(Musse) "...Thanks for doing that, Miss Lisa. I never liked seeing Instructor Towa get that down on herself."

(Lisa) "Figured no one does, from what I've gathered. By the way, have you found anything?"

(Musse) "Not particularly. Though that being said-"

Musse began speaking with Lisa who crouched down next to her, pointing at the trees in front of them.

(Kairos) "This question is only now appearing in my head, how exactly do they fight?"

(Elizabeth) "Now that you point it out, the only real weapon I see is on Musse's back. It appears to be some sort of...staff?"

They stared at the rifle that was strapped onto her, not sure what its function was.

(Kairos) "That makes sense, though it's shaped quite oddly. What's the point of that...lever, I think?"

Squinting at the triggerhair on Musse's rifle, he shook his head and turned to Lisa.

(Kairos) "And her. Everyone else from her group has a visible weapon, but she doesn't. All I see is a book."

(Elizabeth) "She could be a spellcaster, though what kind of magic user dresses like that?"

(Kairos) "Of course you judge them based on clothes."

(Elizabeth) "Oh stuff it! As if you're one to talk to ME about biases!"

Kairos and Elizabeth stood up, glaring daggers at each other.

(Kairos) "Hey, I was talking about their weapons!"

(Elizabeth) "And I'm talking about your little outburst earlier! Do you know how much you embarrassed all of us by-"

The went back and forth a little bit, Musse and Lisa pausing their conversation to listen.

(Musse) "How noisy."

(Lisa) "Well, we didn't find anything over here anyway, we might as well put a pause to it."

Towa watched them head towards Elizabeth and Kairos, and decided to watch what would happen instead of interfering. She knew Musse was a lot smarter than she looked, and Lisa seemed to be the same way.

(Towa) "So this is how Instructor Sara felt."

(Musse) "Is there a problem?"

(Elizabeth) "O-Oh, my apologies! No there isn't any problem."

(Kairos) "If you don't count her mouth as one."

(Elizabeth) "Silence yourself, or so goddess help me, I will silence yours!"

(Lisa) "My my, so feisty! You'll ruin those cute faces if you keep frowning so much."

That snapped Elizabeth and Kairos out of their spat and took them aback.

(Kairos) "C-Cute?"

(Elizabeth) "Feisty?!"

(Musse) "It seems no matter the world, people have the same reactions to these things..."

(Lisa) "It would appear so. It's nice having someone who understands, though."

Lisa and Musse smiled, making Kairos and Elizabeth feel slightly uncomfortable.

(Musse) "But back on topic, did you happen to find anything?"

(Kairos) "No, not really."

The two looked back down to the ground they were examining prior.

It was two trees that had snapped and fell to the ground, but there was no magical energy or weapon marks to indicate it had fell down by unnatural causes.

They were looking at the point where the tree snapped and fell over, hoping to find anything but-

(Elizabeth) "Kairos and I are well versed in magic, but we were unable to find anything that we could detect."

(Musse) "Hm...from what I see, there's nothing there either."

Lisa furrowed her brows as she gently pushed everyone to the side, taking a look herself.

(Kairos) "Miss Lisa?"

(Lisa) "...Instructor."

(Towa) "Huh? What is it?"

(Lisa) "I believe I found something."

(Elizabeth) "Truly?"

Towa walked over to the group and looked at the trees as well.

(Lisa) "I understand why no one has reported anything. This was caused by something from our group's world."

Everyone stood on edge.

(Lisa) "Our world has something we call 'Visions', powers granted to us by the Archons and allows us to attune ourselves to the elements and channel them into our will. Diluc and Amber have Pyro visions, letting them control fire. Kaeya has Cryo, Ice, Venti and Jean have Anemo, Wind. I, have Electro. Electricity."

Lisa rubbed her finger against the tree and looked at her finger.

(Lisa) "And on my hands is a very faint remnants of an Electro attack."

She stood up, grabbing her book.

(Lisa) "A very recent one."

Musse and Towa unsheathed their guns while Kairos and Elizabeth quickly looked around.

(Lisa) "I'm presuming you two cuties also wield magic?"

(Kairos) "Y-Yes. I'm proficient in dark magic skills."

(Elizabeth) "I am most skilled with white magic, but I am able to channel dark as well."

(Lisa) "Good. Because I think I know where our target is at."

Kairos and Elizabeth felt the hairs on their arms raise. The darkness of the forest started to glow with an eerie purple in the distance.

Towa got behind them and pulled out an ARCUS unit, calling Rean.

(Towa) "Rean, I think we found it! I'm sending our coordinates-"

A bolt of lightning shot down and almost hit her, making her scream and almost drop her unit.

(Towa) "AAH!"

(Rean's voice) "Towa?! Towa are you-"

BZZZZZRRRRT!

(Musse) "Target straight ahead!"

The cube slowly floated over to them, shooting out bolts of electricity in random directions.

(Musse) "I believe that first one was the warning shot the scouts were talking about."

(Kairos) "What the hell is that thing?!"

(Lisa) "Hmph. Nothing too dangerous, but still, don't let your guards down. We call it an Electro Hypostasis."

The shapes of the cubes floating around the core slowly shifted around, seemingly ready to change shapes at any time.

(Lisa) "It shapes itself into whatever it wants to attack, so be prepared for anything."

(Elizabeth) "You've fought these abominations before?!"

From Elizabeth's view, Lisa looked more annoyed than anything facing this...thing.

(Lisa) "A few times. They're normally docile until you approach, which makes Marianne's reports a lot more sense considering what's been harassing them."

The Cube seemingly stared at all of them, waiting to see if they would back off.

(Lisa) "I'm afraid my Electro vision isn't going to be as helpful as I'd like, but I won't let that stop me."

She flipped open her book, which began levitating in front of her.

The text in the book began to glow a dark purple as she turned to the group.

(Lisa) "But, I digress. The command is up to you, Instructor Towa."

(Towa) "If we let it go, it could be days before we can find it again, we don't let it slip away!"

Towa loaded her pistol and pointed at the Electro Hypostasis.

(Towa) "Engage the enemy!"

(Musse) "Understood, Instructor!"

(Elizabeth & Kairos) "Yes Ma'am!"

(Lisa) "Got it."

[Twice Stricken - Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers OST]

Musse backed up and pointed her rifle at the Hypostasis, taking the first shot.

The bullet predictably reflected off, and the four cubes flew into the air and into a rhombus shape, all aiming at the team.

Electric missiles shot out of the Hypostasis at speeds equivalent to Musse's and Towa's gun.

Lisa snapped her fingers and a electricity field formed around them, misdirecting the attacks and hitting in random directions.

Kairos and Elizabeth ran to the front, Kairos casting a fireball while Elizabeth had ice spikes form underneath it.

The first fireball caused a small explosion, blowing back some of the trees and scorching the grass while the ice spikes shot into the air and at the core of the Hypostasis, stopping the fire before it spread and piercing the core.

It made no noise of pain, though they could tell they were doing some damage to it.

The cubes quickly flew away from the spikes and towards them.

Towa fired her pistol, all aiming at a singular point the spike had pierced into.

Small bits of electricity chipped off, tho it began flying faster and dodged whatever was shot at it.

Lisa's spells were having no effect on the Hypostasis as it landed behind them.

(Lisa) "Get behind something!"

Musse and Towa dove for cover as more missiles shot out of it, Lisa standing behind a tree to hide from it.

Elizabeth did the same as well, but noticed Kairos wasn't moving.

Kairos stood out in the open still and tried to fire another fireball, but it quickly moved to the side, dodging the fireball as it hit the tree behind the Hypostasis instead.

The Hypostasis aimed at Kairos and shot a singular missile, too fast for him to dodge in time and hit him in the chest and sending him flying back into the tree.

He clenched his teeth in pain as the electricity rattled and sent a painful shock throughout his entire body.

(Elizabeth) "Kairos, you bloody idiot!"

She quickly grabbed his arm and dragged him behind cover before another barrage of missiles hit her.

(Elizabeth) "Why didn't you get into cover?!"

(Kairos) "Ach, thought I could hit it again!"

(Lisa) "It's not sentient enough to think creatively, but it's not stupid enough to fall for that again!"

Her brow furrowed further even more, knowing her spells would do nothing to it.

Musse poked her head out and pulled out her ARCUS unit, letting it analyze the Hypostasis.

(Musse) "Miss Lisa, your advice?"

(Lisa) "Keep hitting it with any elemental attack that isn't Electro-Er, thunder!"

(Musse) "Understood, taking the shot! Kairos, Elizabeth!"

Elizabeth stood out of the way of Musse's barrel as her rifle began glowing a hot red.

Pulling the trigger, a single shot hit the core, making it stagger back and form back into it's cube state.

As miniature cubes shot towards them from the excess electricity, Lisa stepped out to the open and shielded them from the bolts on the ground shooting out.

Towa rushed over to Kairos and loaded another round into her pistol, shooting it into the air.

Kairos suddenly felt the pain in his body slowly fade away and looked to Towa.

(Kairos) "Thank y-"

(Towa) "Do that later, right now they need your help!"

(Musse) "Instructor, get down!"

Towa and Kairos saw the three of them dive out the way.

Instinctually, Kairos grabbed Towa's shoulders and shoved her down to the floor as laser beams shot out and spun across the forest, it spinning rapidly as it vaporized the leaves into smoke.

The trees were getting burnt, but thankfully not chipped enough to topple over, Kairos saw.

Once it was done, Kairos rolled into the open and got on knee, adjusting his glasses as he raised his hand and clenched it.

From the skies above the Hypostasis, a burning rock crashed itself on the Hypostasis, knocking the cubes that formed the laser into pieces as the core stood out in the open.

(Lisa) "It's exposed, attack now!"

Elizabeth stood next to Kairos and swiped her hands downwards, the air forming a sword-like shape and slicing through the core, making it slightly shatter and pieces fall off.

Musse's rifle glowed white as it fired a straight line of ice, going through the core.

Towa did the same as her pistol began to glow several colors, red, then white, then red again.

Lisa made sure to keep an eye on any of the excess electricity in the air, flicking her wrist and deflecting a bolt of lightning without looking at it.

It quickly formed back into shape, and stood for a moment as the shots reflected off it.

(Elizabeth) "What is it doing now?!"

The cubes broke off into smaller ones, forming a giant arrow-shape and-

(Lisa) "To the sides, now!"

Lisa jumped back as the Hypostasis formed into a drill-like shape and began spinning towards them, tearing apart any trees that was in its way.

Towa and Musse ran to the sides while Kairos and Elizabeth ducked as it barreled past them.

The trees it knocked over were falling down left and right, Musse almost getting hit by one.

(Towa) "ABOVE YOU!"

Elizabeth looked up and realized a tree was falling on top of her.

Lisa raised her book and a concentrated spell shot out, the strength of it rushing it forward as it collided into more trees and away from everyone.

When Lisa turned her attention back to the Hypostasis, she realized it had formed two giant walls.

Lisa's eyes widened as she tried to brace herself for the shock, the walls closing on her and the force sending her into a tree.

Lisa's body tumbled onto the floor and out in the open, her vision going in and out from the attack.

(Kairos) "Lisa!"

The Hypostasis began to form it's drill shape again while Kairos and Elizabeth rushed to Lisa's defense, shooting whatever spell they could as it began flying to them.

Musse and Towa tried to help with their guns, but they were having no effect.

As it got closer, Kairos tried to pick up Lisa to move her, joined by Elizabeth as it got dangerously close to tearing through them.

Although there were no trees nearby for it to be a hazard, they still couldn't move fast enough with Lisa in hand to get out of the way safely.

(Familliar boy's voice) "COMING THROUGH KIDS!"

Kairos and Elizabeth were tackled by Kazuma while Aigis got in front of Lisa.

(Aigis) "ATHENA!"

Her Persona appeared in front of the drill, the shield failing to be pierced as Athena raised its hand, and knocked it to the side, toppling trees as it bounced through the ground.

Aigis spun around and gave Lisa a hand, which she grabbed it and was helped up.

Kazuma got up and dusted himself off.

(Elizabeth) "Instructor?"

(Kazuma) "Yeah yeah, you're welcome, now get your asses up, that cube thing will be doing the same!"

Kazuma unsheathed his sword, letting Elizabeth and Kairos get up on their own.

As the Hypostasis was getting up and about to change forms, before the core was shelled off, Jean and Venti jumped from the top of the trees and used their Anemo Visions.

Jean first blew it into the air while Venti summoned a mini tornado, picking up the core and shredding it with the speeds of the wind.

Diluc ignited his sword as he slammed it down into the tornado, setting the wind ablaze with the core still inside.

Kurt and Juna jumped in as the core hit the floor, Kurt's sword dicing it to pieces while Juna used the force of her tonfas to dent it, making electricity shoot out with each strike.

It quickly got itself up with the cubes forming once more, this time shifting into a giant fist.

It swung first into Kurt and Juna, sending them flying back into Towa and Musse.

Then it shapeshifted into a pair of scissors, making the Vision users duck under cover as it almost cut them into two.

It finally formed a giant rectangle, slamming down in front of them and sending them into the air.

As the core revealed itself while the three landed on their feet, Astrid and Kazuma swung their weapons into it, Astrid piercing through it while Kazuma slashed it in half with his sword.

Aigis, Musse, Towa, Elizabeth, and Kairos readied their guns and spells, all opening fire together while Astrid and Kazuma dodged out the way.

The final bullet went through it, the core now full of holes, it began to twitch violently as it split into pieces.

It split into three prisms as the core remained invisible in the center.

(Lisa) "Destroy those prisms!"

Juna switched her tonfas into a gunner mode and pulled the trigger, shooting one prism to tiny pieces.

Aigis's Persona smashed another prism into the floor, completely eradicating any trace of it.

Diluc's flaming sword shot out a bird-like shape, turning the prism into cinders as he made a wide swing.

With the last of the prisms gone, the core began to twitch violently as the group formed together.

Lisa got in front of everyone and held out her hands, casting another field to block out the electricity that exploded into a bright purple, the skies turning from white to a dark gray, then the clouds finally disappearing.

[Words to Believe In - Fire Emblem: Three Houses OST]

Towa's team tried to catch their breath.

(Musse) "Whew, that was close..."

(Towa) "Now I'm reminded why Rean's the combat instructor..."

(Lisa) "Nonsense, you did just fine-...Ugh!"

Lisa fell to one knee, Diluc catching her in time.

(Diluc) "Hey, are you alright?"

(Jean) "You took a bad hit from the looks of it."

Jean looked at her back and saw a bleeding wound, as well from her head.

(Elizabeth) "Miss Lisa, I'm so sorry! If you didn't have to take your at-"

Lisa waved her hand in a dismissive manner, smiling through the pain now the adrenaline was wearing off.

(Lisa) "Don't apologize, cutie. Ol' Lisa will be just fine."

Jean and Diluc slowly helped her up while Venti turned to them.

(Venti) "Honestly, not bad for your first time fighting it!"

(Musse) "Thank you. Without Lisa, I'm not sure what would have happened."

(Kairos) "Yes, we owe much of our victory today to her-"

(Kazuma) "Yadda yadda, stop being so humble. Just accept the compliment and move on. Besides, far as Fodlan kids fighting the unknown go, you two ain't half bad."

(Aigis) "Indeed. We were only able to see snippets of the fight, but despite your differences you came to work together rather well."

(Elizabeth) "Why...T-Thank you Instructors."

(Astrid) "Wow, no love for you Instructor Towa."

(Towa) "Oh come on now, don't make this a competition!"

The group began to back and forth, Astrid moving to Elizabeth and Kairos.

(Astrid) "So, what's your impression of 'em? Kazuma and Venti just argued a lot the entire time. Was pretty funny though."

(Elizabeth) "They're not as uncivilized as I was expecting to be honest."

(Kairos) "Psh, who's judging on character now?"

(Elizabeth) "Shut. Up. Already."

(Astrid) "And now I get to hear you guys argue. Ugh, great."

(Musse) "...Huh, where's Instructor Rean and the others?"

(Everyone) "..."

Towa pulled out her ARCUS unit again.

(Towa) "Rean?"

...

Everyone stiffened when they didn't hear a response.

(Towa) "Rean?!"

===

Rean, Sitri, Helena, Stefan, Kaeya, Amber, Altina, and Ash.

Rean was looking for any signs of an attack before hearing his ARCUS unit go off.

(Towa's Voice) "Rean, I think we found it! I'm sending our coordinates-AAH!"

(Rean) "Towa?! Towa are you-"

BZZZZZRRRRT!

(Sitri) "Did something happen?!"

(Rean) "Yeah, Towa's team found it! She sent us the coordinates so we need to-AAAGH!"

Rean fell to one knee, reaching for his head.

(Altina) "Instructor?!"

(Ash) "The hell's going-DAGH! SHIT!"

Ash stopped moving and reached for his head as well, followed by Altina, then the rest of the group one by one, their heads pounding as their vision suddenly faded to white.

…

[Out of Time - Final Fantasy XIV OST]

The inside of the room was glowing a faint blue-white, two green haired individuals walking through them, though one was significantly taller than the other.

(Flayn) "Father, are you sure this is the way?"

Seteth's face scrunched up as he stared at one of the crystals in his hand. The directions it was pointing to was hazy at best.

(Seteth) "No...No Flayn, I am not sure. But we have to try something at least."

Flayn looked behind her, worried.

(Flayn) "Of course..."

They stopped themselves to what appeared to be a massive doorway. Seteth held the stone up to it and the door slowly began to open, light pouring out from the other side.

The two were about to take a step through the door before a shot of electricity bolted over their heads.

Seteth quickly raised the crystal up, and it glowed a bright blue before whatever was shooting at them disappeared.

Inside the crystal was a dark purple fog before it quickly disappeared with a white flash.

(Flayn) "What was that?!"

(Seteth) "Something we weren't looking for. Perhaps the deeper we go into the tower, we'll be able to find it."

Saying nothing else, they looked around as moving platforms shifted around them.

Seteth and Flayn stepped onto them as everything turned into a static mess, slowly fading out of view...

…

[Spiderweb - Fire Emblem: Three Houses OST]

(Towa's voice) "Rean?"

...

(Towa's voice) "Rean?!"

Rean hazily reached for his ARCUS unit, responding to a very concerned Towa.

(Rean) "Agh, we're here!...I think."

Everyone looked at each other, the headache slowly subsiding.

(Kaeya) "What in the world was that?"

(Amber) "Ugh, my head!"

(Altina) "Is...is that supposed to happen naturally?"

(Helena) "Unless we're in extreme stress situations where our physical bodies are pushed to the limit, no."

(Stefan) "And considering we just started our assignment."

Sitri began speaking in her head.

(Sitri) Sothis...?

(Sothis) "Agh, don't worry, I felt it too...Though, wasn't that?-"

(Sitri) Seteth and Flayn...

(Sothis) "Doubt anyone else would know what they saw besides you and Rean."

(Sitri) What were they doing in the Tower, I thought we cleared it by now!

(Sothis) "I have no idea, but we have to tell this to the other instructors."

(Rean) "...And that was the end of that...vision? Or something. I'm still not sure."

(Towa's Voice) "...Understood. Let's meet back up at Marianne's and tell her that we finished the job."

(Rean) "Roger that. And Towa? Good work."

(Towa's voice) "Heh, um...thank you."

Rean hung up the call and motioned for everyone to follow, everyone still out of it from whatever it was they saw.

Later...

(Aigis) "A vision?"

(Kazuma) "Holy shit, Seteth and Flayn are alive?!"

(Sitri) "Possibly? I'm not sure..."

(Rean) "It's still blurry in my head, and I'm sure the others agree."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

(Towa) "We should investigate once we get back, but..."

[Where the Heart is - Final Fantasy XIV OST]

(Towa) "I'm glad we were able to help out, Marianne!"

(Marianne) "Thank you so much for your assistance. As always, you're always rescuing us from dangers."

Marianne smiled and bowed.

(Rean) "Of course. If there's any other troubles, please call upon us to help if you need it."

(Sitri) "Thank you for your kindness."

(Marianne) "And as requested, we have the railroads to take you back to Garreg Mach. It should be a day's trip.

(Juna) "Man, it just feels like went to a different country instead of a world with how familiar it is..."

(Amber) "What's a railroad?"

(Musse) "Oh, you see it's-..."

Class VII and the Knights began engaging in a friendly banter, which gave Kazuma to groan.

(Kazuma) "A train?! Why the hell are we taking a train when we can teleport?!"

Sothis appeared for a brief moment when she made sure no one was looking in their direction.

(Sothis) "We'll explain it later, but for now just shut up and deal with it."

Rean and Towa laughed while Aigis had a smirk.

Kazuma was ready to cuss out Sothis before the students approached them.

(Kairos) "Instructors? I...would like to apologize for my earlier outburst-"

(Rean) "Don't sweat it."

(Kairos) "Huh?"

(Towa) "To be fair, it IS a little strange for a bunch of people to pop out of portals like this and boss you around. But that being said, we are your instructors for a reason!"

(Kazuma) "Some respect goes a long way, kid!"

(Astrid) "You look as old as we do..."

(Kazuma) "And YOU shutting up can go a long way!"

Aigis slapped the back of his head and nodded.

(Aigis) "Apologies for him. Although he is right to some degree. We are happy to be your instructors, no matter what we have done in the past."

(Stefan) "I look forward to your guidance, Instructors!"

(Elizabeth) "As do I. I will make the Blue Lions proud for having me as their chosen!"

(Helena) "Hear that Astrid? You shutting up means they'll like you more."

Astrid gently punched Helena in the shoulder, Helena's expression being deadpan from the delivery to the literal punchline.

(Astrid) "Same goes for you, smartass."

Marianne approached the Garreg Mach students and looked at Kairos.

(Marianne) "You've grown up so much despite the fact it's only been a few years. I hope in the future we can have a moment to talk, so we can catch up!"

(Kairos) "A-As do I Lady- Er, I mean...Marianne."

Marianne's smile made him unable to look at her in the eye and she turned to Sitri.

(Marianne) "It's right this way. Follow me everyone."

And in a few moments, the members of House Isekai stepped onto a train that took them to Garreg Mach, Marianne waving goodbye to everyone...

...

BING, BING BING BING, BONG!

[Life at Garreg Mach Monastery - Fire Emblem: Three Houses OST]

Today's instructions were done for the day, the doors being opened as students and guards went from position to position.

A good number of students went to their dorms while many others went into the mess hall.

Guards piloted massive Knight mechs out of the hangar and towards the Gates, practicing military drills and simply standing guard for any potential threats.

Kairos, Elizabeth, Astrid, Helena, and Stefan walked out their respective classrooms and towards the Hangar.

(Helena) "Last day of hanging with the Golden Deer...Can't say I'll miss them too much."

(Astrid) "I will a little, I was FINALLY getting used to the schedule!"

Kairos shrugged.

(Kairos) "It's not like we'll never see them again. We're still attending the same Academy."

(Stefan) "I'm a bit sad I can't hang out with my friends as much, but I guess that's the nature of an Officer's academy."

(Elizabeth) "Well think of it this way, we now have a new opportunity to go down in history!...Even though our instructors are those offworlders."

(Helena) "I still can't tell, do you like them or not?"

The banter went back and forth a few more times as they moved to the hangar.

The Imperial soldier in front nodded to them and let them pass.

(Stefan) "Oh, Kairos."

(Kairos) "Hm?"

(Stefan) "Your data from the fight with that...cube thing is recorded on your crystal right?"

(Kairos) "Yeah. What about it?"

(Stefan) "You should send that to the rest of us, so we can see everyone's fighting style."

(Helena) "Oh yeah, we didn't get to fight during that."

(Kairos) "Sure, one second."

Kairos took out his communication crystal and let it connect with Astrid, Stefan, and Helena's.

Stefan nodded and smiled.

(Stefan) "Thanks, I'm pretty excited to see what they can do!"

(Elizabeth) "Soon enough, we'll get to know how they are-"

(Recette's voice) "Yoohoo, over here!"

The five stopped once they saw Recette waving over to them excitedly.

(Tear) "Welcome. Your quarters are now finished."

(Astrid) "Dam-Er, Dang, it's only been like 3 days, and you're already finished?"

(Recette) "Yup! There's nothing that blood, sweat and heckuva lotta gold can't accomplish!"

(Tear) "The wonders of capitalism."

(Helena) "...Capi-what?"

(Tear) "Nevermind. This way, your instructors are currently in a meeting but everyone else is waiting for you in the room.

The five followed Recette and Tear into their barracks into an elevator, going below the hangar and storage floor...

Garreg Mach's Listening Chamber...

(Sitri) "The other team contacted me and let us know their task is done. They're currently on their way back on the railway and should be back within the hour."

(Towa) "It's crazy to know Slayer sent Elliot, Fie, and Laura to us!"

(Rean) "Duvalie being with them is sure going to make her a lot more irritable."

(Kazuma) "She seems like a bitch."

(Towa) "That's putting it lightly..."

(Aigis) "Regardless, it is good to have reinforcements backing us up."

(Rean) "...Valimar, can you confirm signatures of anyone else present in Fodlan?"

Valimar's voice echoed out of his ARCUS unit.

(Valimar) "...Affirmative. It would appear some of the Persona Users are present as well."

(Aigis) "Really?!"

(Valimar) "Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki, Mitsuru Kirijo, and Naoto Shirogane, according to my scans."

(Kazuma) "How come no one else has reported this?"

(Towa) "Yeah, that is pretty weird..."

(Valimar) "I am still scanning, so I am unable to tell where they are. Analysis would take a day or so."

(Rean) "Just keep us updated Valimar."

(Valimar) "Of course. Speaking of which, it seems Duvalie's group is about to arrive."

(Rean) "Let's go ahead and meet them then."

The instructors nodded and left before Sitri's Crystal began beeping.

(Sitri) "Hold on, I have to take this. I'll be with you soon."

The four left Sitri and Sothis alone as Sitri opened it up, revealing a small reflection of Edelgard.

(Sitri) "Edelgard?"

(Edelgard) "Hello, Sitri. With the official reformation of House Isekai, we would like to assign your tasks for this month, as it was done when we were enrolled."

(Sothis) "So...why are you calling just by yourself?"

(Edelgard) "And that is my next point..."

...

As the train approached the station, Stefan saw Rean and the other instructors meet up with the rest of the group.

(Stefan) "...Even more of the offworlders."

He looked to see no one was watching him, and slowly snuck away from the group.

Everyone was distracted meeting Rean's friends to notice Stefan had disappeared into a corner.

Stefan looked at his crystal and saw the recording of Kairos and Elizabeth fighting the...whatever the hell it was.

Though, he was honestly glad no one was hurt.

He tweaked his communication crystal by turning a dial to the left and pressing in a specific combination with the buttons on it.

And with that, a voice popped up on the other side.

(Distorted Voice) "There are you. Goddess, we thought something happened. Status?"

(Stefan) "I'm fine, don't worry. And something did. House Isekai has returned."

(Distorted Voice) "...Say that again, it sounded like you said House Isekai."

(Stefan) "I did say House Isekai. It's the White Cloud Contingency."

(Distorted Voice) "...Keep your eye on them. And be careful. We all saw what happened to the poor bastards who underestimated them seven years ago."

(Stefan) "Understood. And you all be careful as well."

(Distorted Voice) "Godspeed."

Stefan nodded and hung up. He slowly blended back into the crowd and saw Kairos looking in his direction.

(Kairos) "Hey, there you are!"

(Helena) "That armor slowing you down or something?"

(Astrid) "I told you guys to wait up, he was falling behind!"

(Stefan) "Hah, yeah I got lost. This place is huge!"

(Elizabeth) "Goodness gracious, just speak up Stefan! Anyways, what do you think of Instructor Rean's colleagues?"

(Helena) "...I like that grey-haired one."

(Kairos) "Of course you would."

(Astrid) "T-That orange haired guy, and...and that blue haired lady! So hot...!"

(Kairos) "...What?"

(Astrid) "I-I MEAN-"

The four exchanged jabs with each other, Stefan occasionally throwing in lines as well, but he was far more concerned that the old members alongside new people of House Isekai were coming.

[Lost in Paradise - ALI]

(Stefan) "...Hmph."

He breathed in and out to calm himself.

(Stefan) No matter what happens, even with them here, they can't interfere...Fodlan HAS to be free from this rule!

===

PART 3: ENDED

STANDBY PHASE 1...

Gotta get it homie gotta move it If you gonna do it then, push everything to the side Everybody just talk nobody really do it You should keep a secret until you actually do it No need to double check with someone Use your judgement only, break the walls Let’s do flashy fake More Cool, keep it low, prove them wrong I won’t give up the fight in my life ‘Cause my life is living for love I won’t give up the fight in my life Stand off and groove on time Tokyo prison Going to relight your feelings When times get too rough Night and day are fading Going to relight your feelings There’s no time to explain Gimme your love Access to your love Oh yeah Lost in paradise Night and day are fading out When times getting rough Access to your love Lost in paradise Night and day are fading out Keep on dancing now Hеy hey hеy hey heyeah

#House Isekai #House Isekai ARR #kairos pasha #elizabeth mcgrath #towa herschel #musse egret #lisa minci #crossover #fanfic

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dontasktheradiodemon · 4 years ago

Text

Ball Debrief (2/16/2021)

So on the Sunday before Mardi Gras, Alastor and Sir Pentious a.k.a. Telly (@usedhearts) went to a Mardi Gras ball, got drunk, and made out. On Mardi Gras evening, Sir Pentious a.k.a. just-Sir-Pentious-still-because-he’s-never-asked-Alastor-to-call-him-anything-else (@hiss-and-vinegar��) found out from Telly that he and Alastor went to a ball, and messages Alastor to ask about it.

Alastor comes over to tell Sir Pentious about it, reassure him that he’s NOT replacing him with a new snake bestie, and then starts panicking while trying to summarize the ball because oh god he’s not ready to face the possibility of Romance.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 SO, ALASTOR. WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THAT IT WAS THE OTHER SIR PENTIOUS THAT YOU'D GONE OUT WITH?

🐍 YOU LEFT THAT OUT FOR SOME REASON, AND IT SEEMS AN IMPORTANT DETAIL.

🐍 DID YOU NOT WANT ME TO KNOW?

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 I was going to tell you my plans the last time you and I hung out! I just didn't get around to it before you had to go.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 OH.

🐍 AND YOU AND HIM GOT DRUNK? I SUPPOSE THAT IS A CARNAVAL ACTIVITY...

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Nothing to drink there but champagne and wine, I'm afraid.

🎶 Truth be told, I got much drunker than I should have.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 YES, I WAS SURPRISED TO HEAR YOU'D GOTTEN HUNGOVER, TRUTH BE TOLD.

🐍 MUST HAVE BEEN A WILD PARTY!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Wilder than it should have been.

🎶 But yes, some exciting things did happen! Very exciting!

🎶 Actually—do you want to meet? It's so much harder to have a conversation over text, and I'd like to tell you about my evening if you want to hear about it.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 VERY WELL, LET'S MEET. TEXT IS DIFFICULT TO ASCERTAIN THE MEANING OF CERTAIN THINGS.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Where do you want—hotel, airship, other?

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 THE AIRSHIP.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 I’ll be there in five minutes.

Alastor

Guess who! It’s Alastor, just like he promised. Wearing what looks like a costume constructed completely out of multicolored fabric fringe trim and carrying a bowl of gumbo. He sort of rustles when he moves. “Hello~?”

Sir Pentious

Sir Pentious was awaiting him in the sitting room, looking kind of SULKY..... Draped over the couch......

Until he sees whatever the fuck Alastor is dressed as. SNRK. HE STARTS LAUGHING.

"WHAT THE *HELL* IS THAT??"

Alastor

He looks down at himself. Oh, right. “It’s a costume!” Very informative, Alastor. “An old and *noble* Mardi Gras tradition! You see—we wear these to steal chicken.” He holds out his bowl. “Speaking of which! Gumbo?”

Sir Pentious

Ah- RIGHT, Mardis Gras..... Sir Pentious sinks down again..... He's looking away.....

Alastor

Alastor slowly lowers the gumbo bowl. “I made sure this serving got the tender meat chunks.” ~~PLEASE LIKE HIM.~~ “I’ll just... set it over here and you can put it in the ice box later.”

He takes a seat near Sir Pentious. “So! Here I am!”

Sir Pentious

He likes you SO MUCH but he THINKS you DO NOT LIKE HIM AS MUCH!

He *siiiighs*........ So dramatic...... and he looks at Alastor.... Glances away.... Glances back....

"THANK YOU FOR THE GUMBO, I AM NOT YET HUNGRY AT THE MOMENT..."

Alastor

PENNY YOU FOOL.

“Sure! Not a problem! It’ll be there later!” DEEP BREATH. “So! You... wanted to know about the big shindig, I think?”

Sir Pentious

Deeeeep inhale.......

".... YESSS...... THE ONE WHERE YOU WENT WITH A *DIFFERENT* SSSIR PENTIOUSSSSS.... AND DIDN'T TELL ME, BUT BECAUSE IT NEVER CAME UP....." Oh. Mopey..... His arms are folded....

"A NEW SSSIR PENTIOUSSSSS TO DRINK WITH, TO PARTY WITH...."

Alastor

*Oh.* Okay, all right, Alastor senses a brewing crisis. He’s going to put the party report in a box and shove it in a closet until he deals with this.

“Hey, now!” He scoots closer. “It’s not like that! It was a... a sort of a last minute thing, is all—we made plans barely a week before the ball, and you and I didn’t really talk that week except the one night you got the big news—and, well, what’s a weekend party plan next to news like *that*...” He trails off awkwardly. Then starts again: “He’s not the ‘new Sir Pentious.’ He’s not replacing you, my friend.”

Sir Pentious

He doesn't move away at all when Al scoots closer, which is a good sign, but he's still having a hard time making (all) eye contact, sighing again....

"HE ISSSSN'T?"

Alastor

“No! *You’re* still my best friend, and that’s not about to change! Sure, you’ve—got quite a bit in common—and I appreciate what you’ve got in common—“ oh now he’s embarrassed, he’s looking away, “—but I told you once that I like you for reasons that are unique to *you,* and that’s still true.”

Sir Pentious

Tongue flicks.... He looks at Alastor again, hood kind of droopy as his hands wring together.....

"WE ARE *RATHER* DIFFERENT, YESSS. SSSSIMILAR IN LOOKSSS, QUINTESSENTIALLY DIFFERENT UPBRINGINGSSS."

Alastor

“Different upbringings, different tastes, different hobbies, different demeanors... I can’t imagine him ever tackling me in a hotel lobby!” Alastor laughs. “If I only hung out with him, I’d miss *you.*”

Sir Pentious

Oh. He tilts his head a bit.... Moves a little closer, as subtly as a snake can... And bumps shoulders with Alastor.

..... CLEARS HIS THROAT, "*WELL*, YOU SSSTILL SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME EARLIER! I COULD HAVE AT THE VERY *LEASSST* HELPED YOU *PREPARE* TO HANG OUT WITH A SSSSSNAKE!"

Alastor

Alastor bumps shoulders back. "And what kind of preparation would you have given me? Don't I know how to hang out with snakes?"

Sir Pentious

He looks smug, throwing an arm around the other's shoulders.

"DO YOU REALLY? SSSOMETIMESSS YOU BLUNDER ABOUT HALFHAZARDLY! HAHAHA!"

He's teasing, and to prove so, he winks.

Alastor

He flings an arm around Sir Pentious's shoulders. "Well, you haven't excommunicated me yet! I must be doing *something* right!" He laughs. This is so much *simpler.* It's a relief.

Sir Pentious

PRR PRR PRR PRR. The relief is MUTUAL... Penny wouldn't have been able to handle losing his best friend to another Pentious.

He CACKLES, "WELL, THAT COULD CHANGE! IF THE GUMBO ISN'T UP TO MY SSSTANDARDSSS, I COULD DROP YOU THROUGH A TRAP DOOR!!"

Alastor

Now he's got *both* arms around Sir Pentious. "Try it and you're coming with me!"

Sir Pentious

Prr prr prr! That cackling continues, Sir Pentious flicking his tongue at the other. Flip flip flip flip.

"YOU ARE *NOT* SSSSTRONG ENOUGH TO TAKE ME DOWN! I RECALL CRUSHING YOU WITH MY ENTIRE WEIGHT!"

Alastor

"That's when I was playing fair! Drop me down a trap door, and I start calling my friends! Anyway, what *I* recall is fighting you to a draw."

Sir Pentious

He gives a *face*, "YOUR MEMORY MUSSST BE *FAULTY!* BUT WHATEVER, TELL ME ABOUT THE BALL, THEN! RARE TO SSEE YOU GET INTO SSSUCH A HUNGOVER SSSTATE!"

Alastor

"Oh." Alastor is immediately awkward! "I shouldn't have drunk that much. I wish I hadn't. But, well." He shoves aside the awkward and tries to act normal. "It was a masquerade ball! Either black tie or costumes. Not *this* costume," he flaps an arm to set all the fabric fringe rustling, "but a proper one. Uh—dinner and a drag show for the first half—Mardi Gras balls always have a presentation of the royal court by the krewe that put on the ball and they're always so *dull,* I found us a ball by a gay krewe that actually did something interesting with it. And a dance for the second half of the ball."

Sir Pentious

Sir Pentious enjoys the rustling sound, watching that wacky costume flutter about.

"A *GAY* KREWE? HMM, MUSSST HAVE BEEN MUCH MORE COLORFUL, FLAMBOYANTLY SSSO." You're one to talk, Penny. "A DANCE, A DRAG SHOW, AND MASQUERADE!! WHAT WERE YOUR COSSSTUMESSS? DID I HEAR THAT YOU WERE A PIRATE OR SSSSSOMETHING?"

Alastor

"My goodness, yes! Some of the best costumes I've seen in years! Some of the krewe's costumes had decorations so wide the tables nearest the runway had to duck!" Alastor laughs. "He, uh—wanted to do a sea serpent theme. Obviously I can't pull off the 'serpent' part very well, so we cobbled together something somewhat piratical for me so we'd match. Mainly, it meant a lot of blue and green and pearls."

Sir Pentious

Sea serpent. Of course he would. Penny's face wrinkles a little at the memory of swimming, before he rubs it off, "OH? I IMAGINE THAT SIR PENTIOUS LOOKED RATHER STUNNING AS A SEA SERPENT! WE HAVE NATURAL GOOD LOOKSSSS." Probably not. the most smooth thing he's said, since he's aware of Alastor's crush BUT he wasn't *trying* to tease him, just speaking earnestly.

"I SHOULD LIKE TO SSSEE YOUR PIRATE ATTIRE! I IMAGINE YOU HAD A MASSSSK ON? CAN'T HAVE THE ENTIRE BALLROOM RUNNING IN FEAR AT THE SSSIGHT OF YOU!"

Alastor

The awkward's back! As well as embarrassment. Alastor has to look away. "He did, yes."

On to the next topic. "Oh, of course. I always go to Mardi Gras events in a mask! I'll pull the whole thing out sometime soon to show you."

Sir Pentious

HEE HEE. "OH, I WOULD LIKE THAT!" Though he's tilting his head a little at Alastor's head turning away. "WELL, IT SSSOUNDSSS LIKE YOU HAD FUN. DID YOU DANCE?"

Alastor

The slightest wince. "... We did, yes." He's just gonna twist his hands together in his lap and fidget. "By that point we were both too drunk to dance particularly *well,* but..."

Sir Pentious

It's very weird to watch this colorful paper mache of a man fidget his hands together. Sir Pentious leans his head in CLOSER, as he is ought to do, and flicks his tongue. Blelelele.

"YOU DON'T SSSSEEM HAPPY ABOUT IT?"

Alastor

"I kissed him." The words tumble out like he's confessing to a long-secret murder. His smile's hanging on by a thread. "*He* kissed *me.* There was reciprocal kissing, is what I'm trying to— We kissed." Having finally gotten this heinous crime off his chest, he buries his face in his hands.

Sir Pentious

Sir Pentious' tongue snaps back into his mouth much like measuring tape. His eyes are wide as dinner plates, and his brow is only ascending higher and higher, the longer he's spending processing *that.*

Alastor

"*I know.*" Alastor doesn't even have to look up, he can hear that awkward silence. "It was the end of the night, we were both completely inebriated—*God*, I hope he doesn't remember it..."

Sir Pentious

He's still processing what to say--mostly he's trying to imagine what it must have looked like for Alastor and Telly to mash their faces together. He *RESISTS* the face scrunch, expertly.

Penny opens his mouth, then closes it again.... then GRABS Alastor by the shoulders, "YOU *KISSsssssssED???*"

Alastor

"*Yes!* I'm sorr— Why am I apologizing to you?" He squirms out of the shoulder grip, don't look at his face, he's miserable. "I couldn't even go—how long have I known him—less than two months?!—without doing something unforgivably stupid!"

Sir Pentious

He's not sure if this feels like a breath of *relief* or like he's filling with *apprehension.* He can clearly see the alarm on Alastor's--well. Body language. Penny shakes his head, looking up at his hat, which appears to be looking down at him like *dont look at ME!!! IDK!!!*

"HAVE YOU *SSSS*POKEN WITH HIM SSSINCE???"

Alastor

"Just once. Just a generic 'how's your headache, I had fun,' no specifics. He asked if he left his fan with me, he didn't remember. That was also at the end of the night, so maybe he forgot." His head is in his hands again and his fingers are in his hair.

Sir Pentious

Penny considers... petting Alastor's head but after word like that, you know. Maybe that would be a bad idea. His tongue flicks in concern, and he can't help but think back-- before Christmas, in fact, when Alastor had told him that the only one he'd had a crush on was himself-- that is, Penley Dreadful, *not* Pentell.

It wasn't necessarily upset he was feeling, but... it was cause for concern, here. For once in his life, Sir Pentious considered someone else's feelings, instead of just his own.

"ARE YOU... FEELING *GUILTY* OVER THISSS, ALASSSTOR?"

Alastor

"Yes." The word sort of comes out like a choked croak. "Guilt and regret and terror and... and grief, and..." Just curling up farther. His head is *under* his hands now.

Sir Pentious

He reaches a hand up move some of Al's hair out of his face, at the very least....

"YOU MENTIONED IT WAS *RECIPROCATED*, YESSS??? CLEARLY, THAT SSSAYS A LOT TO *ME*. WE SIR PENTIOUSESSSS ARE NOTHING IF NOT DELIBERATE IN OUR ACTIONSSSS, INEBRIATED OR NOT...."

Alastor

"*You* kiss me. On the forehead, sure, but—*his* weren't on the lips either until I went and..." It's all garbled noises and radio static for a moment as Alastor rubs his eyelids with his thumbs. "It could be platonic! He could have meant it platonically! And what if it *wasn't* platonic?" Alastor asks this like it's the most horrifying possibility of all.

Sir Pentious

Penny looks to the right. Then the left. Then back at Alastor.

"THEN YOU MAKE A DATE?"

Alastor

"*Then I get smited by the god of death* that he's *dating,* Sir Pentious! *He is dating!* He's in a relationship! I've become the kind of person who kisses a taken man!" A pause. "... Smited? Smote?"

Sir Pentious

*SMitten?* Wait no, don't say that one out loud.

Sir Pentious tilts his head, tongue flicking, "HMMM .... YESSS, THAT'SSS A THING, ISN'T IT?" What *does* one do in that situation? .... But more importantly...

"... WHY DID YOU KISSsss HIM?"

Alastor

"Because I was drunk." Surely that explains everything.

Sir Pentious

".... NO, BUT...." How to... phrase this delicately................ "BECAUSE HE ISSS SSSSIR PENTIOUS?? OR BECAUSE HE ISSSS *TELLY?*"

Alastor

He hesitates before answering; but he can't hesitate for long. He knows the answer, he's just ashamed to give it. "Because he's Sir Pentious."

Sir Pentious

Penny isn't able to hide the sorrowful look that crosses his expression... not out of his own sadness, but rather, *concern*. He's looking off to the side, without turning his head, navigating his way through thoughts.

".... IF *TELLY* KISSED YOU IN RETURN, REssssCIPROCATED, AS IT WERE, THEN IT LIKELY ISSS NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE *ALASSSTOR*. HE DOESSSS NOT GET ALONG WITH THE RADIO DEMON FROM HISsssss OWN HELL." Another pause. ".... IT'Sssss BECAUSE YOU ARE *YOU.*"

... He clears his throat, "AT LEASSSSsssT THAT'SSS MY SSSPECULATION ON THE MATTER. THAT MAN WEARSSSS HISSSS HEART ON HISSSS SLEEVE, FROM THE TIMESSS I'VE SSSSPENT WITH HIM."

Alastor

"I know." He finally drops his hands. He's not smiling. Not even close. "He does. He's—tender and open and sweet—and none of those words are compliments! It's not what I want! ... Except when I'm around him, and then..." He shrugs helplessly. "I hate this."

Sir Pentious

His head swivels, cobra-like in every way, and Sir Pentious pets down his hood, thinking.

"... ALASSsssTOR, I THINK YOU REALLY NEED TO SSSORT OUT YOUR FEELINGSSS ON THE MATTER, BECAUSE YOU COULD BE HEADED FOR SsssOMETHING RATHER DANGEROUSSSS. WE SSSIR PENTIOUSSSSESSS DON'T ACCEPT HEARTBREAK *GENTLY.*" Tongue flick. Oh fuck he's goddawful at being comforting, but what does one SAY?

"AND IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESSSSTED IN *HIM*, THEN YOU NEED TO TELL HIM THAT, TOO. OR EXPLAIN THAT YOU WOULD RATHER REMAIN FRIENDSSSS. BUT IF YOU *ARE* INTERESSSTED IN A MAN WHO IS ALSO IN A RELATIONSHIP... A MAN FOR HISSS OWN MERITSSS, AND NOT JUST ONE WHO HAPPENSSS TO LOOK LIKE.... WELL, YOU KNOW." Cough, "THEN YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT THAT EVEN MORE! BETTER TO *KNOW* THAN *NOT.*"

Alastor

“I’ve been trying to sort out my feelings for the last two days! Longer than *that,* actually,” he laughs bitterly, “but it’s an emergency now. Did you know that it’s damn hard to think logically and feel emotions at the same time?” Cue that “the more you know” sound effect.

“It’s not *just* that he *looks* the same, it’s—you know, the same—same *mind,* same ambitions, same inventiveness, same laugh...” He crosses his arms tightly over his stomach and hunches forward again. “But I don’t want—that, with him. That is—I *do* want it—but I don’t want to want it. I want to not want it. I want to shut it *off.*”

Sir Pentious

Penny is reminded of the things Alastor told him, when he'd BIT the radio demon and Alastor's apologies upon apologies tumbled out. How he hated being attracted to Sir Pentious, how he hated feeling like this. That's right, he hated this feeling. His tongue flicks in thought and... he reaches a hand over to place it on Alastor's shoulder. Carefully......

"WELL, AL, I DON'T THINK YOU *CAN* SHUT IT OFF. YOU SSSTILL HAVE THE CAPACITY TO FEEL THISSS WAY IN HELL OF ALL PLACESSS, THEN IT'SSS JUSST GOING TO HAVE TO SSTAY. MOVING FORWARD, WHAT ISSS THERE TO BE DONE? YOU DON'T WANT TO WANT IT, BUT WHAT IF TELLY WANTSSS IT?" He doesn't even talk about Hel. He's NEVER MET HER, and he's not about to talk about a third party he's never met.

Alastor

He responds to the touch by immediately sitting up just enough to lean against Sir Pentious. *Fwump.* That’s the whole weight of the Radio Demon against Penny’s shoulder. “I know. I’ve been trying to shut it off for fifty-four years, if it hasn’t worked by now... You’ve made a cringe-powered weapon, can’t you make an attraction-powered one? Just, jam a couple of probes into my skull and fire until it’s all been drained out?” One corner of his mouth twitches up, haha he made joke—but it wilts again. He’s not really joking. He actually wants that.

What if Telly *does* want it? What does Alastor do then? “Block him on voxblr, leave the hotel, change my broadcasting frequency, and never speak to him again.”

Sir Pentious

Sir Pentious puts his arm around Alastor, encouraging him to lean against him as he slips his tail around his friend, even as they sat on the couch. His face splits in a grin, "I'VE BEEN *WANTING* TO TURN YOU INTO A GUN, BUT PERHAPSSS NOT SSSOMETHING FOR *THAT* PURPOSE."

The grin lessens, and he shakes his head.

"I CANNOT AGREE WITH THAT. RUNNING AWAY WILL NOT HELP YOU, AND IF ANYTHING, I CANNOT ALLOW YOU TO HURT THAT MAN LIKE THAT."

Alastor

He lets out a long groan. It’s more of a whine. He lets out an extremely long groan whine.

“You’re right.”

Although he doesn’t *like* it.

“All right, Sir Plato, if you’re going to ask me questions that you already have the answers to—what *is* there to be done? What *do* I do?”

Sir Pentious

He looks so smug. Let him sit here with the perfect >:) face.

And he turns to Alastor.

"YOU ARE GOING TO TALK TO TELLY, ADDRESS WHAT HAPPENED, AND EXPLAIN YOUR INTENTIONSSSS. ISN'T THAT FAIR? NOW, IF YOU HAPPEN TO REALIZE THAT MAYBE YOU *WOULD* LIKE TO HAVE SSSOMETHING *LESSsss* PLATONIC, IT'SSS WORTH THINKING OVER IN YOUR MIND."

Was it weird to imagine Alastor banging an alt of himself? Absolutely. But knowing that Alastor already had a crush on Snakes BEFORE himself, made it a little less weird. As long as he didn't hear the details of whatever they could get up to in the future, then that would be GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM.

"BUT, IF YOU ARE ssssCERTAIN THISSS IS NOT sssSOMETHING YOU WANT-- THEN YOU OWE IT TO TELLY TO BE *HONESssssT.*" He remembers holding Telly in his arms, the way that snake sobbed from every eye as he talked about being mocked, about being hurt over and over. That moment, plus the other's strange insistence on Penny swimming, was enough to endear the smaller snake to Penny. "YOU WERE HONESSST WITH ME, AND WE ARE SSSTILL FRIENDSSS."

Alastor

Alastor nods thoughtfully.

He thinks that over.

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t think I’m going to do any of that. Thank you for the excellent advice, I’m rejecting all of it.” He pulls up his knees and wraps his arms around them. Fetal position piñata man. “Everything’s been more stressful since you found out. I don’t want that again. Have any advice that lets me rewind three days and go off to the ball with a flask of ginger ale and white grape juice so I don’t do anything stupid?”

Sir Pentious

FACE SCRUNCH.

"WHAT DO YOU *MEAN* EVERYTHINGSSSS BEEN MORE SSSTRESSFUL? FOR *WHO?* FOR YOU????" He folds his arms now, huffing, "YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT, BUT I KNOW NOW, AND I'M *GLAD* I KNOW. AND MAYBE THAT DOESN'T MEAN MUCH TO YOU, BUT IT PUTSSS ME AT EASE!" Sir Pentious shakes his head. "YOU *KISSED* THE MAN, NOW OWN UP TO IT, ALASSSTOR!"

Alastor

“Well, if it hasn’t been stressful for *you,* then yes, for me! But I’m glad that having my deepest secrets sitting naked on the couch next to us every time we interact has been a walk in the park for you!” He crosses his arms tighter and scowls at his knees. “He can own up to it first, he started it.”

Sir Pentious

OKAY, WELL, HE'S NOT GOING TO RESPOND TO THAT, if Alastor wants to be a PISS BABY, Pentious isn't going to even DIGNIFY THAT with an answer. His arms fold tighter, and he scowls, too.

"WHAT DO YOU *MEAN* HE SSSTARTED IT? BY BEING A SSSIR PENTIOUS? YOU TOLD ME THAT *YOU* KISSED *HIM* AND THAT *HE* RECIPROCATED! IF ANYTHING, *YOU* SSSTARTED IT!"

Alastor

“He kissed my mask! Twice! On the nose *and* the cheek! And on the lips before that, but we were both wearing masks then, and we were doing an improv dramatic dialogue as Greek gods then, so I don’t know if it counts—but the nose and the cheek were all him!” And his voice is edging back into panic as he reports this.

Sir Pentious

Well this was weird. Is this how everyone else felt all the time? Being able to just clearly recognize something as romantic or flirting, while he consistently never saw anything weird about it? Intent always had a lot to do with that, but here........... I mean.

"...." Penny turns to Alastor, brow raised as he leans in close and rests his elbow against the back of the couch, his head resting on his palm, "I THINK HE'S INTO YOU, MAN."

Alastor

“You kiss my forehead all the time!” It’s happened like, three times. *All the time.* “AND I had a mask on, it doesn’t count!” He turns to squeeze Sir Pentious’s shoulder and give him a desperate look. “Don’t ruin this for me, I don’t want him to be into me!”

Sir Pentious

"I'VE NEVER KISSED YOUR FOREHEAD WHILE *DANCING* AT A *GAY MARDIS GRAS MASQUERADE BALL* WHILE DRESS-ED LIKE A SEA SERPENT AND YOU LIKE A PIRATE!!!" His hands FLAP! "I AM NOT ATTEMPTING TO RUIN ANYTHING, ALASSSTOR, I WANT TO HELP YOU, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO SSSELF IMMOLATE OUT OF *FEAR!*"

Alastor

DEEP BREATH IN. “Right. Yes. Thanks. I’m... very good at self-immolating out of fear.” Deep breath out. He sinks back on the couch again.

Sir Pentious

SIGH. What to DO about this. Penny presses two of his talons against his forehead in thought.

"KISSING YOUR FOREHEAD IS AN ACT OF PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP FROM ME, AND MOSSSSST CERTAINLY NOT ROMANTICALLY INTENDED. I CANNOT KNOW WHAT TELLY WAS GOING FOR, BUT RECIPROCATION OF A KISS ON THE MOUTH DOES SSSTRIKE ME AS MUCH DIFFERENT...."

He puts his tail on Al again, "SSSO WHAT ISSS IT YOU ARE AFRAID OF? HEL?? THAT SSSEEMS A REASONABLE THING, THOUGH SSSTRANGE OF TELLY TO JUSSSST.... CHEAT ON HIS GIRLFRIEND LIKE THAT." Penny you are NOT helping.

Alastor

“He definitely kissed me first, but they might have been platonic friendship kisses. He might have only reciprocated on the mouth because *I* kissed *him* on the mouth. And, again, we were both very drunk.”

He drums his fingers on Sir Pentious’s tail. That’s Alastor’s tail now. “I’m afraid of being one of those lovelorn googoo-eyed idiots who’s so desperate for some no-account loser’s affection that they’re willing to be the secret side piece. I’m afraid of that dazed, drugged, brainless look Shirley Jones gets on her face when she spontaneously decides Robert Preston has switched from pain in the posterior to walking dreamboat. I’m afraid of my happiness being dependent on someone else’s happiness. I’m afraid of what happens to me if anything ever happens to him. I’m afraid of what happens to *him* if everyone finds out what what he means to me. I’m afraid of... losing my personality in another person.” His fingers slowly still. “Getting smote by a goddess is somewhere low on the list, but if I can’t get out of this, I think it might be a mercy.”

Sir Pentious

Sir Pentious listens, fingers laced together as Alastor is very honest in regards to his fears... Hmmm....

"THEN PERHAPSSS YOU SHOULD TELL HIM THAT YOU CANNOT DO IT, THAT YOU WOULD RATHER REMAIN PLATONIC, THAT DESPITE YOUR.." He thinks. "INCLINATIONSSS? IT WOULD BE TOO AWFUL FOR YOU, SSSSPECIFICALLY BECAUSE OF RELATIONSHIPSSS NOT BEING YOUR THING." It wouldn't be a HAPPY ending, but it would be an honest one.

"BECAUSE EVERYTHING YOU DESCRIBED IS.... WELL, MANY OF THEM SSSSOUND LIKE A FEAR OF BEING VULNERABLE..... I ONCE HAD SSSIMILAR FEARSSSS MYSSSSELF..... BUT SSSINCE BEING WITH VALERA, I'VE NEVER FELT MORE SECURE IN WHO I AM." He's playing with his ring now, smiling at it fondly.

Alastor

Alastor watches Sir Pentious play with his ring for a moment. Then shakes his head and looks away. “It’s not vulnerability, it’s... Here’s the thing, I know exactly who I am and what I’m about. Or at least,” scoff, “I did *before* I felt like this for the first time. Whenever I feel like this—I don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel like a stranger. Whoever that man is, I don’t want to be him. I’ve never felt *less* secure in who I am.”

Sir Pentious

A soft exhale.... Sir Pentious shakes his head. "THEN IT SSSEEMSSS OBVIOUSSS TO ME. BE HONEST OF YOUR INTENTIONSSSS, AND HAVE SSSOME SSSELF CONTROL! OTHERWISE I FEEL LIKE THIS IS THE KIND OF SITUATION THAT COULD SSSSPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL."

Alastor

“And what’s the ‘obvious’ solution to you? Because you told me I should tell him I don’t want anything with him, and then in the same breath told me that falling in love was the greatest thing that ever happened to your sense of security and I’m just scared of being vulnerable.” He leans into Sir Pentious. Bump. “Are you telling me my intentions ought to be to go for it, or to run for the hills?”

Sir Pentious

"YOU TELL ME THAT YOU DON'T WANT IT, AND I'M NOT SURE IF ITSSS BECAUSE OF A FEAR OF *CHANGE* OR ACTUALLY NOT WANTING IT!"

He folds his arms, "THEY ARE NOT THE SSSAME. BUT IF YOU ACTUALLY DO NOT WANT IT, YOU NEED TO BE DIRECT WITH TELLY!! BECAUSE IF YOU'RE NOT, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THERE WILL BE CONSSSSEQUENCESSSSS."

Alastor

“It’s because of *actually* not—“ He stops. He thinks about it. That’s too reductive. He sighs and tries again. “There’s a part of me that... wants... to be with him. There is. That’s the part of me that’s... *attracted*. The rest of me doesn’t *like* the part of me that’s attracted. If I could choose between ‘being with him’ and ‘not being attracted,’ I would *prefer* to not be attracted... but there are different parts of me that want both.”

He shrugs heavily. “It’s not a fear of change—a fear of *change* means a fear of the *process,* doesn’t it? Dreading all the work and upheaval. I can handle change. I *like* change—external change. What I’m afraid of is changing *inside.* Looking in the mirror and—and not recognizing myself anymore!” A pause. “... Although I don’t think I’ve recognized myself in a long time, anyway.” Another pause. “And whoever I’d turn into—he probably wouldn’t care once all this was over, would he? He’ll probably be happy to be whoever he is. The person who was afraid would be long gone.”

He glances over to catch Sir Pentious’s gaze, and then rolls his eyes, as if they’re together mocking some third person’s terrible romantic quandary. “Well, I was trying make things *less* confusing! I did a swell job of that, didn’t I?” Cue the laugh track. “Here’s the one thing I know for sure—I don’t want to hurt him. Whatever else I do, I want to do it in a way that won’t harm him.”

Sir Pentious

The laugh track has Hattie looking amused, even while Penny is giving Alastor the HAIRY EYE BALL.

He turns to look upon this colorful paper disaster man, from head to toe, then jabs him in the shoulder with a talon.

"I KNOW FOR SSSSCERTAIN THAT YOU HATE THE MAN YOU WERE, AND ARE. EVERY SSSSTORY YOU'VE TOLD ME ABOUT YOURSELF IS *LACED* WITH HOW MUCH YOU DISLIKE YOURSELF. SO THEN WHY *NOT* CHANGE?"

He spreads his own hand against his chest, splaying his fingers, "I UNDERSTAND, IN THAT CAPACITY! YOU KNOW, I HAVE ENOUGH SELF LOATHING TO CREATE A WHOLE NEW MAN! BUT THE MAN I'VE *BECOME* HAS A BETTER TRACK RECORD THAN THE ONE BEFORE. YOU KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN HUNGOVER IN *MONTHSSSSS.*" he looks so proud of himself.

"AND! I HAVEN'T ENTERTAINED THOUGHTSSS OF SSSNOGGING A 45 CALIBER!" Look how he preens.

"WHEN I *THINK* OF WHO I WAS BEFORE VALERA.... I DO NOT WANT TO EVEN *ENTERTAIN* THE FANTASY. I'VE GROWN MORE *POWERFUL* THAN I WAS BEFORE." He bumps shoulders with Al, "IN MY *EXPERT* OPINION, YOU OUGHT TO EMBRACE THE CHANGE.... YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN WHAT HAPPENSSS IF YOU AVOID IT.... RATHER *DESSSSTRUCTIVELY* SSSO. WHY NOT GO THE OTHER WAY???"

Alastor

“I do *not* hate the man I was!” He places a hand over his chest indignantly. “I *like* the man I was! Quite a bit, in fact. The man I hate is the one I became after—”

*After I fell in love,* is what he almost says. But that isn’t true, is it. Because he fell in and immediately avoided it. *Destructively so.* Alastor actually has no idea what he’s like when he’s *in love*—only when he’s *heartbroken.*

“... after I ran away.”

Alastor’s damn sure he won’t get more powerful. He’s pretty damn sure Sir Pentious didn’t get more powerful, either—Alastor would bet money that it’s a placebo effect. He doesn’t believe those feelings *do* that. But Sir Pentious got one thing right, Alastor hates who he’s been ever since running from that opportunity. Hasn’t he wondered, a hundred thousand times, how everything would be different if he’d made the other choice? Hasn’t he longed for a second chance?

“You’re right.” Deep breath, heavy sigh. “There’s no good reason not to tr— Oh sh—“ BEEP “—he’s still got a girlfriend.” He flops back on the couch. DAMMIT. “Okay, I draw the line at being a home wrecker or a secret affair! I’m not going to do that!”

Sir Pentious

Look at how smug he looks.

You're right he DOES KNOW HOW RIGHT HE IS. The smugness is STARTLED by the BEEEEEP,

And he rests his entire weight on Al. Fwump.

"THEN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO *BLOODY* TALK TO HIM!!"

Alastor

FWUMP. He jerks half upright under the sudden assault and then lays back again to rant at the ceiling. “But! What! If! He’s! Not interested! And then he’ll know *I* am! And I’m *right* back with him where I am with you. Except worse, because he and I aren’t as close as you and I are.”

Sir Pentious

More snake on Alastor. He's become a cinnamon bun. Loaf. "HMMM, THAT DOESSSNT SOUND ACCURATE, I DO NOT RECALL EVER *RECIPROCATING A KISS* AFTER GOING TO A GODDAMN GAY BALL!"

Alastor

“Fine, next time I’ll invite you to the gay ball and we’ll see how it goes.” Laugh track. “I kissed him and I’m closer to you than I am to him, and you’re just going to have to deal with that knowledge.”

Sir Pentious

"ITSSS A DIFFERENT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP !!" He presses his HAND to Al's face.

"I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU!!! BUT I AM INTERESTED IN BEING YOUR VERY EXCELLENT PAL."

Alastor

“*I* know that! So don’t *you* say you’re less close than he is.” He’s gonna test his luck. He’s gonna. Lick that hand.

Sir Pentious

First of all, he's wearing gloves.

Second of all,

HE MAKES SUCH A SOUND!!! PULLS OFF HATTIE. AND SHOVES IT OVER AL'S HEAD.

THOONK.

Alastor

He cackles laughing, and the hat only muffles him for a second before he's got it adjusted to where he can wear it and keep on laughing. Can he see? No. That's optional.

His look is now complete.

Sir Pentious

Hattie looks entertained, and that's all that matters. Sir Pentious leans back and *HUFFS.*

"ANYWAY!! I'M NOT *WORRIED*, ACTUALLY, BECAUSE I THINK IT'SSSSS GOOD FOR YOU... THAT ISS, IF IT ISN'T A HOME WRECKER SSSSITUATION. THAT WOULD BE ALSSSSO ON TELLY."

Alastor

"Fingers crossed," Alastor mutters. "It certainly doesn't feel good for me." But he's got his smile back on now, that's something.

He reached up and taps Hattie's brim. "Hey, you can shapeshift, can't you? Think you can do something to match my costume?"

Sir Pentious

Hattie looks down at Alastor, wiggles its brim, and then transforms into..! a crown. Good. This is what you wanted, right? Sir Pentious blinks, "ARE THE FESSSTIVITIESSSS SSSTILL GOING ON, THEN? OR ARE YOU JUSST PROUD OF YOUR COSSSTUME?"

Alastor

That's definitely not what he wanted, but he'll take it. "No, they're pretty much over. I just didn't change clothes before coming over."

Sir Pentious

SNRK.

Sir Pentious slithers off the couch, going to inspect the GUMBO..... THEN STOPS, turning abruptly.

"DO YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE THE RAY GUN FAN WITH YOU? I AM CURIOUSSSS OF IT'SSSS CONSSSTRUCTION!"

Alastor

"Oh! Yes! Hold on!" He unzips his ridiculous top—he's wearing his normal shirt underneath it—and fishes out the fan from an inner jacket pocket. "I haven't had a chance to test it out yet! Maybe sometime tomorrow."

Sir Pentious

Excited clapping of his talons... He takes the apparatus carefully, looking it over. It does open like a nice fan, and he's going to be playing with it for a while, finding out the way it fires without having to fire it!

"THISSSS IS VERY WELL MADE. OF COURSSSE IT WAS MADE BY NONE OTHER THAN SSSSIR PENTIOUSSSS. YOU DON'T GET CLASS AND SSSTYLE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!"

Alastor

"Isn't it?" Alastor's expression brightens. "It's quite the clever contraption! Both form *and* function." He leans closer to watch as Sir Pentious figures out how it works.

Sir Pentious

He's not going to FIRE IT in here, but he has figured out how to change it to firing Mode.

PRR prr prr prr PRR PRR! Penny just LOVES things that are secretly weapons. He hands it back to Alastor.

"THISSSS ISSS A PRECIOUSSSS GIFT, ALASSSTOR. BE SURE TO THANK YOUR BEAU *GRACIOUSSSSLY.*" He winks, teasing. Hee hoo.

Alastor

He’s smiling goofily when Sir Pentious changes the mode, delighted just at seeing it work. He loves these things.

But his expression snaps back down to his default minimal smile at the word *beau.* “He’s not m—” Stop. Glare. Oh, Alastor sees what Sir Pentious is doing. “You know what, maybe I will! Something a little like this?” He flings an arm around Sir Pentious’s shoulders to support himself, snaps open the fan, and fans himself like a dainty Southern belle fighting off a swoon. “‘Oh, *Sir Pentious*, I can’t *begin* to tell you what such a gift *means* to me! Oh, to be able to *hold* and *cherish* one of your own, hand-crafted weapons, at any time I want! My heart *flutters* with the—‘ No, no, I can’t keep this up, it got too weird.”

Sir Pentious

FACE SCWUNCH, but he sees what ALASTOR is doing and he makes an AAAA-HAAA type face,

"WELL, OF COURSE!! YOUR HEART DOESN'T FLUTTER!! NYA HA HA!"

Alastor

He earned The Scwunch, he’s counting this as a victory.

“It’s as dead a piece of meat as you’ll find!” He’s got that melodramatic Southern belle-ish voice back on. “I suppose this fan will have to do the fluttering *for* my heart.” Flutter flutter flutter. Just to solidify his victory.

Sir Pentious

"MAY YOU *ACCIDENTALLY* SHOOT YOUR FOOT OFF, ALASSSTOR!" Shit eating GRIN.

Alastor

“Joke’s on you, it can’t fire while it’s open.” Pause. “I don’t think it can.” He closes it and looks it over. Hm.

Sir Pentious

HEE HEE HEE.

"DID HE NOT PRESENT YOU WITH THE MANUAL? NYA HA HA!"

Gumbo time.... He's flicking his tongue at it.

Alastor

"Well, he showed me how to switch it from fan to gun and back, how much more do I need to know?" He opens it again and tries to see if there's a way to activate the gun mechanism... then decided that's probably a bad idea to do inside and airship, shuts it, and puts it away. "That gumbo's no New York knockoff! That's some genuine Cajun cuisine—and half the ingredients were alive this morning!"

Sir Pentious

A GOOD IDEA, Alastor. Please do NOT shoot the thing while inside of the airship. Sir Pentious would not appreciate that AT ALL! Alastor starting to talk about the food in question has him remembering the trip to New York, and the food he didn't really eat too much. He turns and smirks at the radio deerman.

"HA! WERE THEY. HOW DELIGHTFUL. I KNOW YOUR COOKING, ALASSSTOR, YOU UNDERSSSSTAND MY TASSSTESSS QUITE WELL!" He's going to retrieve a spoon from inside his coat (yep) and dip it in to take a TASTE.

Alastor

Alastor beams at the praise! "It's not entirely *my* cooking—Mardi Gras gumbo is a communal thing, everyone in town contributes a little something to the pot—but I wouldn't have brought you some if I didn't think it would meet your tastes!"

Alastor completely fails to register the fact that Sir Pentious was carrying a spoon inside his coat for some reason. Not weird at all.

Sir Pentious

He's a LITTLE SUSPECT of that comment BUT he will trust his friend here.... And with a mouthful of gumbo (GAOMPH), he DOESN'T unbite! Instead, he pulls the spoon from his lips and smiles *wide*, flicking his tongue.

"MM! THISSS IS VERY TASSSTY!" Listen to those pleased *hums*, even the tip of his tail is wagging.... Time for another mouthful.

Alastor

Alastor beams wider! He's defended his good friend credentials for the day. "Glad I was finally able to get you some *proper* gumbo."

Sir Pentious

He's going to scoop it and offer some to Alastor,.... Then he GRINS REALLY BIG, PURRING.

"YOU SHOULD MAKE THISSSS FOR TELLY, SHOULD THINGSSSS PROGRESSS FAVORABLY."

Alastor

Alastor leans over to take a bite—and then pauses with his mouth open. "Ah." Awkward fidget! "I'm—already cooking for him, actually. And he said he wants to try New Orleanian cuisine, so I'm sure I'll be making gumbo sooner rather than later." He looks away all embarrassed.

Sir Pentious

NO LOOKING AWAY. Pentious SWIVELS the spoon around to bump against Alastor's lips, and should he bite down, Penny will TURN his head FORCEFULLY to GRIN! TO! HIS! FACE!

Alastor

He *does* fall for it and bite. He *does* get turned around to face Sir Pentious's face. ~~You can't do that to him, it's hot.~~

He lets go and leans back. "What?"

Sir Pentious

TONGUE FLICK.

He takes the spoon to dip it back into the gumbo, and starts to LOUDLY hum The Wedding Song.

You know the one.

Alastor

He DOES know the one. He makes a series of undignified flustered static noises. "Don't read too much into it! He needed somebody who actually *knows* how to cook helping him out. His kitchen is staffed by eggs."

Sir Pentious

Look at Penny, he's daaancing, swaying from side to side!

"YESSS, IT WAS DEFINITELY BECAUSE OF THE GOODNESS OF YOUR HEART, *NOT* CAUSE YOU *FANCY* HIM, HMMM HMMM~"

Alastor

"Oh, come now, it's hardly like that! I cook for you all the time, don't I?" A pause. "I realized the flaw in that argument as soon as I said it, you don't need to point it out."

Sir Pentious

HE'S SMILING LIKE SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT. LOOK AT HIM. *LOOK AT HIM.*

Alastor

Alastor draws himself up with great dignity. "I cook for *everybody.* I'm keeping one of my alternates fed too."

Sir Pentious

Sir Pentious takes out a nail file from his coat. *He has so much stuff in there, apparently.* And he starts to slide it against his claws, purring, "YESS, OF COURSSSE! BUT, YOU DIDN'T SSSNOG THAT ONE AT A GAY BALL, DID YOU?" HEE HOO. Look how pleased he is. Playful.........His body is rolling up like curly fries.

Alastor

... Why does he keep a nail file with his spoon?

Alastor tips his chin up. "I most certainly did not, nor do I want to! Which is conclusive proof that I do not feed friends because I *fancy* them!" The embarrassment is genuine but the big show of burying it under a layer of self-righteous indignation is just that: a show. All right, okay, he's the entertainment right now, he'll play his part. On some level it's a relief they can discuss this at all without it being a giant wedge jammed between the two of them; the sharp point of the wedge has been shunted off to the side, to point at some third party that isn't present. He'll take the hit to his dignity in exchange for the reduced pressure.

"You look like a spring, all coiled up like that." The corners of his tight, thin-lipped smile twitch, threatening to crack out into a real grin. "If I jumped on you, you'd bounce like a pogo stick."

Sir Pentious

HEE HEE HEE!!! He appreciates that Alastor is going along with it--although Pentious is a bit slow on cues, he just assumes Alastor really IS that flustered! And look at how he wiggles, lowering his body until his hands are flat on the ground. SILLY MODE.

"ARE YOU *GOING* TO JUMP ON ME, SSSSSTICKBUG? YOU WOULDN'T DO ANY *REAL* DAMAGE! YOU WEIGH *NOTHING!*"

Alastor

He really is that flustered. He just knows his entertainer duties come first.

"Well, not if you're down there! Jump on a pogo stick when it isn't upright and you're just going to break it in half." He shakes his head, tutting. Sir Pentious don't you know anything about pogo sticks?

Sir Pentious

No, he can't use them. Therefore, he doesn't KNOW anything about them. But he does know something else-- how to STRIKE FAST. He SLITHERS FORWARD, going to try and swipe twinkle toes' legs out from UNDER HIM.

Alastor

Twinkle Toes twinkles his toes (hooves?) right over the swipe. You can't knock a dancer off his feet! ... and also Alastor saw it coming.

"Oh, is that all you've got?!" Alastor is *tap-dancing* out of range.

Sir Pentious

It was wrassle time. It had been FOREVER since their last wrassle!! Penny wiggles, his body scrunching like an accordion, before he LAUNCHES out, swiping at him once more with those claws of his.

HYAAAA

Alastor

Alastor ONCE MORE dances out of the way!!

Except that he doesn’t. He avoids the full mass of a giant reptilian accordion colliding with him, but a hand gets one leg and knocks him off balance. He crashes to the ground with a sound of cymbals and bicycle horns (???) and a flurry of fluttering costume fringe.

Sir Pentious

WHAT A CACOPHONY! Sir Pentious lets out QUITE the WAAAAAAHAAAAAA HAAAAAAA A at having knocked him over, enjoying seeing that FRINGE FLY.

And then he's gonna sit on him. Victory.

Alastor

Defeated. The mighty Radio Demon brought low. On Mardi Gras of all days.

He contemplates trying to roll them over, considers his odds, and decides he’ll have better chances at being irritating. He starts poking Sir Pentious’s tail. “Do I make a comfortable chair?”

Sir Pentious

Penny's head swivels, and he peers down at Alastor like that one Duck image.

"NOT REALLY, YOU'RE *RATHER* BONEY, AS IT *WERE*."

Alastor

“Well, what kind of a fool sits on a chair that isn’t even comfortable?” He switches from poking to smacking, he’s drumming on Sir Pentious’s hip with his hands. Plappa-plappa-pap

Sir Pentious

........ HE LOOKS SCANDALIZED,

"ARE YOU SLAPPING ME????????" It BARELY counts as slapping, Penny is just DRAMATIC. He looks down at Alastor like a CAT upset by butt smacks.

Alastor

He freezes mid-plap. “I was using you as a percussion instrument.” He gives Sir Pentious a winning smile!

Sir Pentious

HMM...........HE BEGINS TO SLITHER OFF OF ALASTOR.......... *Scales scales scales scales.*

"WELL ALASSSTOR, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO DO? I IMAGINE YOU MUSST BE HEADING OFF TO MORE PARTYING, WITH YOUR GET UP!"

Alastor

HA! His plan WORKED. He sits up and slings an arm around Sir Pentious’s shoulders before he gets too far off the ground. “Just finished, actually! Maybe I’ll find some quiet balcony to watch a night parade, but the courir is *exhausting!* I’m all partied out.” He gives Sir Pentious a sweet look. “I wouldn’t mind spending a comparatively lowkey evening with a treasured friend.” He’s batting his lashes, check it out. What a darling deer.

Sir Pentious

Look at that BATTING of the LASHES.

Sir Pentious SNICKERS, then flutters his fingers, "OH? REALLY? HMM HMM~ ARE YOU *SUUURE* YOU WOULDN'T RATHER SSSPEND IT SSSNOGGING WITH TELLY?" He's so glad he added that last part in, otherwise it would have been AWKWARD!

Alastor

“Listen. Sir Pentious. My pal. My chum.” Alastor squeezes Sir Pentious’s shoulder with his hand, and for a split second, there’s a look of absolute terror in his eyes. “Right now, *there is nothing that I want less.*” Maybe the next time Alastor’s around him, he’ll find himself warmed all over by the welcoming light of romance. But from this distance, that light looks like the lure of an anglerfish.

And then Alastor’s totally normal. “So! Wanna see a parade or stay in?”

Sir Pentious

Oh that was a little bit harrowing. Sir Pentious can almost feel the way the warmth sucks out of the room--but then it's back! And a balmy temperature indeed, for this giant snake man.

He clears his throat, "HMMM... WELL, I'M NOT *DRINKING* MUCH NOW, SSSO SSTAYING IN MAY BE A TAD *BORING*. A PARADE SSSOUNDSSS FUN!"

Alastor

“Oh, I’m sure we can have *plenty* of fun without drinks—but that said, I prefer the parade myself! We’ll get a couple of colorful drinks with next to no alcoholic content, pretend they don’t taste disgusting, and find a high vantage point!” He stands, pulls out what looks like a map, and unfolds it. It’s a big schedule and map of parade times/routes, public balls, and other events. Tourism board doesn’t fuck around with Mardi Gras. “There’s still a couple of big ones that haven’t gone, but we’ll have to hustle! Shall we?”

Sir Pentious

That actually sounds like a LOT of fun. He makes a big smiley face, and offers his arm to Alastor.

"YESSS, WE SHALL!! I HAVEN'T BEEN TO A PARADE IN *DECADESSS.*"

Alastor

"Haven't you?! Why, then you're in for a treat! They're getting bigger and better every year! We'll have to get a *prime* seat for you—but not too high! What's the fun of being too high to catch throws...!"

He hooks his arm in Sir Pentious's, and off they go!

#hissandvinegar #chat log

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crackimagines · 5 years ago

Text

A Rough Start (FE: Three Houses Short Fic)

Byleth-Sama: Love is War (Part 1)

-----

Part Listings Here!

All AU’s involved listed here!

-----

With the ball quickly approaching, Sara and Megumi have a person in mind to ask to the dance. What they quickly realize is that they want to ask the same man, and they’re about to turn Garreg Mach Monastery into a battlefield.

----

Afternoon...

[A Gentle Breeze - Fire Emblem: Three Houses]

(Seteth) “And that concludes are meeting for this week. You are dismissed.”

Everyone got up and walked out the room.

Byleth headed back to his office, Manuela and Hanneman to theirs, as Sara, Doomguy, Megumi, Towa, and Angelica walked out of the building.

Sara sighed while rubbing her head.

(Sara) “Ugh, the White Heron Cup, huh?”

(Towa) “Are you not excited by it, Sara?”

(Sara) “Not in the slightest! We gotta set up all the decorations for something that’ll last only the afternoon! Plus, we gotta see the kids do some probably boring dance.”

(Megumi) “I think it sounds fun! I can’t wait to see what kind of dances are on display!”

(Towa) “I agree with Professor Sakura! It’s a good way to see Fodlan’s culture after all!”

(Megumi) “What do you think, Slayer?”

Doomguy shrugged, indicating that these sorts of events weren’t really his thing.

(Sara) “The only thing it’s going to remind me is of the upcoming ball and how dull that night is going to be...”

(Megumi) “I’m sure there will be a guy nice enough for you to dance with, Sara!”

(Sara) “Hopefully.”

(Angelica) “Frankly, I’m happy you are taking all the guys. I’ll be going for all the cute girls that’ll show up. Heh, I wonder if I can impress anyone enough to-”

Towa hit Angelica’s head with a clipboard.

(Towa) “No hitting on ANYONE, Angie! We talked about this!”

(Angelica) “Ow, okay okay! Well anyways, who’s going to be telling the Houses this information?”

(Sara) “I got an appointment with my beer can after that meeting, so...bye!”

Sara quickly walked away back to her room.

(Towa) “Well, I guess I-”

Doomguy’s hand was put in front of her and shook his head, and pointed towards himself. Once he waved goodbye to everyone, he went to the classrooms.

(Angelica) “So, Megunee. Who’re you goin’ with?”

(Megumi) “I don’t know yet. I’m sure I’ll think of someone later tonight.”

...

Once the classroom representatives read the paper that was going to describe how their next few weeks were going to go, they voiced their opinions.

(Kazuma) “Ugh great. A ball.”

(Aqua) “What? A NEET like you can’t stomach interaction with other peo-”

(Kazuma) “STOP CALLING ME A NEET YOU BITCH!”

(Akira) “Well, I guess there are worse ways to spend a night.”

(Rean) “I bet everyone will be scrambling to get a partner soon!”

(Yu) “That’ll be exciting.”

(Minako) “Oh, I can’t wait!”

(Minato) “It’s not possible to skip this, is it?”

(Kazuma) “I’m with Minato on this one. Can we?”

Doomguy shook his head no.

(Minako) “Don’t spoil the fun on this you guys! When is the next time we’re going to get to attend something like this?”

(Akira) “She’s got a point.”

(Morgana) “Plus, it’d be remiss for us to miss a chance to attend a fancy ball! We get to work on our people skills!”

(Kazuma) “With stuffy nobles! We had to deal with them a lot last time, and that wasn’t pleasant! I got better things to do that night than hang around a buncha assholes!”

(Yu) “...Pot calling the kettle black there, Kazuma-”

(Kazuma) “And YOU be quiet! I don’t have a bunch of girls surrounding me like you all do! IT’S NOT FAIR!”

(Rean) “...We do?”

Akira, Yu, and Minato shrugged.

(Aqua) “In any case, we should go tell our groups this stuff, yeah?”

Everyone nodded.

(Minako) “We’ll catch ya tomorrow!”

Everyone went their separate ways. Kazuma grumbled under his breath as he walked with Aqua.

(Aqua) “You can’t be shut in all the time! If it’ll get you out, then I’ll take pity and take you to dance with a godde-”

(Kazuma) “I’d rather die.”

(Sothis) “As would I.”

(Kazuma) “FUCKIN’ JESUS!”

Both Aqua and Kazuma were startled by Sothis appearing in front of them.

(Aqua) “Don’t scare us like tha-...Where’s Byleth?”

(Sothis) “That child is doing paperwork currently. I am in no mood to rest, so I thought I might as well join you idiots. Now, what’s this ball I’m hearing so much about?”

(Kazuma) “Tch, well you see...”

...

(Sothis) “...What kind of asinine reasoning is that? That you’ll be miserable if you do not have someone to dance with? Just strut your moves as you see fit!”

(Kazuma) “Psh, I wish we could, then maybe I could have a bit of fun! But no, this isn’t some nightclub, it’s some boring ass ball dancing!”

(Aqua) “Ugh, I’ve had enough of your whining. I’m off to drink.”

(Kazuma) “I hope you have a hangover!”

Late Evening...

[Evening Moments - Trails of Cold Steel]

Sara slammed her mug down onto the table.

(Sara) “Ah, that’s a nice cold brew you got us tonight, Manuela!”

(Manuela) “Ugh, I’m going to need it to forget about this week. That ball is going to be a sad reminder of my life...”

(Sara) “Here here...”

(Aqua) “Yeesh, everyone’s talkin’ doom and gloom about this damn ball! You girls just need to relax alright?! We can have fun dancing together!”

(Manuela) “Oh sweetie, you don’t understand. When you’re as old as us, you’re going to be lamenting this too...”

(Aqua) “I’m older than the both of you!”

(Sara) “Right right...goddess stuff and all that.”

Manuela and Sara chugged their beer.

(Aqua) “Well fine, I’ll humor you two then! Who are you going to ask to dance?”

(Manuela) “Well, there was this cute knight I saw earlier today. He seemed like a nice enough fellow. What about you, Sara?”

(Sara) “Someone who’d dance with me regardless of my habits...”

She considered her options. Frankly not a lot of people in the Monastery could stand her, and those who did were far too young. But...

(Sara) “Aha!”

Manuela and Aqua looked at her with a curious expression.

(Sara) “I know just the man!”

...

Megumi had just finished her paperwork for the night and was headed to her rooms before she almost ran into Kasumi.

(Kasumi) “Oh, please excuse me, Sakura-sensei!”

(Megumi) “Hello, Yoshizawa. I’m sorry I almost hit you there!”

(Kasumi) “That’s a lot of papers, do you need some help?”

(Megumi) “No I-...Actually, it’d be a big help if you could, thank you!”

Splitting the papers they walked to Megumi’s room.

(Megumi) “So, are you excited for the ball that’s coming soon?”

(Kasumi) “Indeed! Doing gymnastics is a bit different from dancing, but the footing seems similar, so I’m excited to try! Have we elected a representative for the White Heron Cup yet?”

(Megumi) “No, that’s something Sara, Slayer, and I need to discuss still.”

(Kasumi) “I see, well I hope you choose well. By the way, what about you? Are you excited?”

(Megumi) “Quite a bit, actually! I’m interested in seeing how the students dance, and how Fodlan dancing is compared to Japanese. Hah, as for asking someone to the dance, that’s an ongoing problem.”

(Kasumi) “Well, you’re a very kind person, Sakura-sensei! I’m sure that anyone would be more than happy to!”

(Megumi) “Hah, thank you Yoshizawa. To be frank, it’s not a matter of getting anyone that’s bothering me, it’s just having the right person. These sorts of things should be special, you know? O-Oh! Listen to me ramble, sorry! Thank you for helping out.”

Kasumi gave Megumi the papers.

(Kasumi) “Anytime! I hope you find the person you’re looking for!”

Kasumi bowed and walked away, Megumi opening her door and putting the papers on her desk.

(Megumi) “Well, if I had to choose anyone it’d be...-”

...

Megumi went back to the offices and saw Byleth’s door spilling candlelight beneath the door.

She was about to knock before Sara came around the corner.

(Sara) “Oh, heya Megunee. What’re you doin’?”

(Megumi) “Hello Sara. I was about to ask Byleth something, but its not that important. I’ll just come back later.”

(Sara) “Neither’s mine. It was just going to be about the Ball.”

(Megumi) “What a coincidence! That’s what I was going to talk to him about.

(Sara & Megumi) “...”

(Sara) “Were you about to-”

(Megumi) “-Ask him to the ball?”

!!!

(Sara) “Sis, I’m gonna need you to stand aside.”

(Megumi) “Huh?”

(Sara) “I need this more than you do, Megunee! You don’t understand the struggles I’ve been through!”

(Megumi) “...O-Oh! You have feelings for him then? I apologize, I’ll let you ask-”

(Sara) “HUH?! N-NO I DON’T! I WAS JUST GOING TO SEE IF HIS LONELY ASS NEEDED A GIRL LIKE ME!”

(Megumi) “...But didn’t you just-”

(Sara) “Alright, that’s it! KNOW WHAT?! I THINK I GOT A BETTER IDEA! HOW ABOUT WE LET HIM CHOOSE?!”

Megumi didn’t quite understand what Sara was going on about but...

Losing to Sara on this didn’t sit quite right with her. Regardless, Megumi agreed.

(Megumi) “Alright then, that’s fine with me.”

(Sara) “We’ll see who ends up the victor! It’s going to be me!”

Sara stormed away while Megumi stood there confused for a moment before she registered what she really meant.

(Megumi) “Oooooh! Hmph! Fine! If she’s going to act like that, then I’ll make sure not to fall that easily either! This means war, Sara!”

Byleth was inside doing paperwork. He was only half paying attention to the conversation while Sothis went outside to see what was going on. She was laughing hysterically when she came back in.

(Byleth) “What was going on out there?”

(Sothis) “Oh nothing. Just a lover’s dispute.”

(Byleth) “Whoever they are, they sounded cross.”

(Sothis) Oh sweet child, you have NO idea of what’s coming...

[Love Dramatic - Love is War]

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kingfallstranscripts-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Episode 18: Make King Falls Great Again

Sammy:Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to a very special daytime broadcast with Sammy and Ben.

Ben: We are live at the Main Street park celebrating a very special day with what looks like the entire town.

Sammy: I gotta tell ya, while I've got my doubts about the veracity of the claim today -

Ben: Don't.

Sammy: Let me finish...this defiantly brings a smile to my face and warms my heart to see this massive turn out. So many familiar faces...and voices. This is a big deal...

Ben: Yeah, Sammy, it is a big deal. Can you name another town in history that's been voted best small town in america 7 years straight?!

Sammy: Legit? Or just by the Chamber of Commerce?

Ben: ... that's besides the point.

Sammy: I think that'st he actual entire point, Ben. This is propaganda.

Ben: Don't!

Sammy: But very lovely propaganda, no less.

Ben: Don't go all "conspiracy theorist" on me. You don't even believe half the stuff that walks right on through our radio station door!

Sammy: You know what, you're right. I'm just gonna punt this care package of sense and reason right out the door and instead celebrate our towns storied history like a patriotic citizen.

Ben: That is good to hear.

Sammy: You're ridiculous.

Ben: It is what it is man! Regardless of who voted on this, I believe it is the best small town in america.

Sammy: And you know that is what really counts.

Ben: You see that parade, Sammy? How can you be pouting over statistics with a parade like that?

Sammy: It was a beautiful parade. I'm not completely sure that the day-time strippers from Sassy's House of Ass should have been along side the rest of the floats, but... not my call.

Ben: I will concede you that point. Although! A big shout out to Karen's Craft Corner for best use of paper mache on that stripping pole.

Sammy: *chuckles* Folks, I know you aren't used to hearing out voices in the daytime, but if you are in the area, you should really come on down. It's a hell of a party here. Fair type atmosphere, there's balloons for the kids, lots of heart stopped cholesterol laden treats.

Ben: Plus! The official coronation starts in less than TEN. FRIGGIN'. MINUTES people and you don't wanna miss it. So put some stank on it, and high tail it downtown.

Sammy: (monotone) So... I know that I have to introduce the mayor.

Ben: (mimicking monotone) Can you please hide the excitement from your voice, Sammy? We don't wanna cause a panic.

Sammy:*chuckles* As I was saying, I know that's coming up in just a few minutes, but you do have a guest for us before -

Ben: YOU KNOW IT. This is really special.

Pete: (in the distance) King Falls AM? I can't believe those two jokers are still on the air! I say, we boycott! Rally everyone! Storm the tower! *starts chanting* Take them down! Take them...everybody, everybody, come on now *still chanting alone* Take them down! Take them down!

Sammy: Who the - Pete Meyers?!

Pete:...no. No, uh, it's - oh hey guys I didn't see you broadcasting there.

Ben: Whatever, Pete. Why don't you put your leash back on and go hang out with Howard Ford Beauregard.

Pete: The third! I don't know why you don't acknowledge it. It's important, it's part of the name. And... I can do what I want.

Sammy: Let it go, buddy. Uh, you were saying about the guest...

Pete: Shows you! He ain't even here, anyway.

Ben: Oh,right. What was I thinking? Vampires hate the sun, right? Of course he wouldn't be here, my bad.

Pete: Right! I mean...no- wha? No! Vampires? What?

Ben: Exactly! You heard it here folks! Another King Falls AM exclusive. Howard Beauregard's own gardener confirms -

Pete: Sensationalist liberal media! (voice fades as he walks away) I am never watching you broadcast in the park ...

Ben: GOOD!

Sammy: Hey, Ben?

Ben: Oh, uh, right right. Uh, you aren't gonna believe this, Sammy. Seriously, we are in for a real treat. Joining us right after this commercial break? I'm literally shaking look at this.

Sammy: Alright, enough suspense Ben! Reel in this fish. Also, please say it's Merv the station owner.

Ben: Come on, Sammy, I can produce guests. I can't produce miracles.

Sammy: Worth a shot.

Ben: Good luck with that. But, uh, anyway, right after the break - King Falls very own *mimics drum rolls* RICH MCGUFF FROM RICH MCGUFF'S LEATHER BOUND BOOKS.

Sammy: ... you just used that much build up -

Ben: Dude, you have no idea! Rich McGuff does not come out in public. He's like King Fall's own Howard Hughes. I can count on one hand how many times I've actually seen him in my life time.

Sammy: And you got him?! That is pretty impressive, Ben.I guess.

Ben: They say he has the essence of a 1980's Tom Selleck. And the libido of well, uh... like uh, a young Tom Selleck.

Sammy: So one could say he's the young Tom Selleck of leather bound books?

Ben: Oh man he's gonna love that! Can I tell him, do you mind?

Sammy: But does he have the mustache?

Ben: Sammy... if you've ever seen a more elegant mustache than Rich's? Well, *scoffs* then, you're lying. Because it's magnificent. Spellbinding, even.

Sammy: Right after the break?

Ben: After the break!

Sammy: That was your cue to go to break, Ben.

Ben: Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about that glorious, sculpted facial hair. You know I couldn't grow a mustache like that in a million years...

(sounds of crowd cheering and clapping suddenly)

Sammy: We are on schedule, right?

Announcer over loud speaker: King Falls Own... Dusty Reynolds!

Ben: We are - uh - you know what? Let's use the power of technology to jump over to the main stage where Dusty Reynolds is about to perform. He can sing us to break!

Sammy: Sounds like a plan.

Ben: King Falls, we'll be back live from the Best Small Town America celebration in Main Street park right after the smooth sounds of my personal friend, Dusty.

Dusty: *starts strumming guitar* *in country voice* ♪Javier the pool boy, you have ruined my life. You used to clean my filters now you're banging my wife. Oh, Javier, hey Javier... I hate you. Donald Trump said you should go back where you came from. And after seeing you with my girl I don't think he's so dumb. Hey Javier oh Javier... I hate you. Wish that you would just disappear! Oh man I wish you were dead. And when I think of you and Gloria I wanna put a gun to my head. Oh Javier, hey Javierrrrr. I (censored) hate you ♪ *crowd cheers*

Ben: Oh, uh- sorry about that. Here's a word from our sponsors.

*Upbeat Piano music*

Hi. I'm Sammy Stevens from 660 on the radio dial. The kind folks at the Chamber of Commerce know that our elderly friends at the King Falls Geriatric Center can't make it down today. Especially after the handicap ramp closures... so please enjoy an afternoon with your favorite King Fall's ivory tickler, Ed Shambley. Ed is graciously taking the day off from Nolan's Drugstore to come play from his self released smash, "Peanuckle Shuffle". From what I've heard there's no better way to get ride of the colostomy bag blues. From "Uh-oh I Can't Get Pp" to " I Think My Grandson Stole My Savings Bond" Ed Shambley will keep the King Falls Geriatric Center rocking, rolling, and mall strolling to the hits. Happy 7th Best Town Small in America, ladies and gents.

Sammy: Welcome back to King Falls that's 660 on the AM dial. We've got a -

Emily: Hi, Ben! Hi, Sammy!

Ben: Hi, Emily!

Sammy: Hi, Emily! Come on up here. The lovely Miss Emily Potter is making her way up to join us. *quietly* Hey Ben are you sure she's gonna be okay to be around Rich McGuff?

Ben: Oh, good point. I'll make this quick.

Emily: Hi, guys! Are you live?

Sammy: We are live. How are you doing today, Emily?

Emily: Oh, I'm just having a great time! These kind of things is exactly why I love King Falls so much. It really is the best small town in america.

Ben: See, Sammy?

Sammy: Well now I'm sold.

Emily: Well I just wanted to tell you two hi and good luck with your special daytime show today! I hope it goes swimmingly.

Ben: *clearly flusted* Aw, thanks, Emily.It's really sweet of you..,.

Emily: Don't mention it. I'm just happy I don't have to stay up so late to talk to you.

Sammy: *softly* Ohhhhhhh.

Emily: Uh, I - I mean, the show. To listen to the show. I-I love you guys. I, well, I mean - I love, uh, the show. I love the show, and you guys.

Ben: I'm happy to hear your voice too, Emily.

Emily: Sooooo, after your broadcast, do you maybe wanna come to Frickards with me?

Ben: YES. Wait- what?

Emily: See, Greg Frickard came by the library booth earlier and asked if I'd like to have dinner after everything is wrapped up at the ceremony. Annnnnd I was hoping you'd come with me?

Ben: That son of a...Frickard.

Emily: But, y-you don't have to. If you don't want to...

Ben: Oh! I mean, of course I do! It's just...a frog place? I don't really -

Sammy: It's not a conflict of interest, Ben. You know that Granny Frickard's Froggery is just one of our amazing SPONSORS here.

Ben: *dryly, very monotone* It's a delicious place to eat. Put's some pep in my step and... some hop in my heart.

Emily: So... is that a yes? I...really can't tell. Are you alright?

Ben: I'd love to go with you. Anywhere. Even a -

Sammy: Ahem.

Ben: ... the best froggery this side of saddle creek.

Emily: Great! So, it's a date! Just come find me after the show. Bye, Sammy. Bye, Ben!

Ben: Did she say date? She said date, right?

Sammy: It sounded like she invited you to a date.

Ben:... Frickard.

Sammy: Ben, I don't wanna alarm you, but there is a heavily mustachioed gentleman walking up behind you.

Ben: Oooohohoho! Oh man, oh man. Okay, okay. King Falls I am so proud to introduce Mr -

Ernie: *heavy typical New York mobster accent* Heyyyy ya Ben. Hows yous guys doin?

Ben: Ernie Salcedo?

Ernie: From Ernie's mufflers! How ya doin, pally?

Ben: I...uh...

Sammy: Hi, Ernie! Uh, nice to meet ya, sir.

Ernie: Nice to make your acquiescence or..what have yous, Sammy.

Ben: I'm sorry, Ernie, we were just uh expecting -

Ernie: Rich McGuff! Yeah, he couldn't make it down to the thing, eh, he had some little thing to do somewheres else.

Ben: Uh, why are you here?

Ernie: Ohhhh, Rich and I go way back to this one thing that we did for this one guy. Long time ago.

Sammy: Uh-huh

Ernie: It's a long story you might say. I can't really get all into the encompassing details and what not. Long story short, Rich can't make it. He's, uh, a little tied up/

Ben: *nervously high voice* Like actually tied up?

Ernie: You're a funny guy, Benny.

Ben: *same high voice* Uh-huh

Ernie: It's a compliment. Some cultures, when a compliment is paid, the complimented might give some appreciation back...

Ben: I - uh- th-thank you so much Mr. Salcedo... do you want actual money? I-I don't have my wallet on me, but -

Ernie: Haaaa, this guy. You gotta watch him! He's a regular Don Rickles.

Ben: Ha... is that a compliment?

Ernie: You're almost too funny, Benny...alomst.

Ben: Uh, uh. Th - uh, thank you, Ernie. You - you are a very large...broad shouldered...intimidating man.

Ernie: You're a sweet kid.

Sammy: Well, thanks for letting us know, Ernie. Ernie from Ernie's Mufflers, ladies and gentlemen. For all your... muffler needs?

Ernie: No problem. I gotta go see a guy about a thing anyway. You stay funny. Benny.

Ben: *whispering* Is he gone? Please tell me he's gone.

Sammy: Are you okay over there, Ben?

Ben: He didn't leave a fish anywhere, did he?

Sammy: He's gone, Ben. I think your safe?

Ben: Jesus...

Sammy: So, no Rich McGuff?

Ben: I forgot after running into the Godfather - uh, Godfather of muffler... things?

Sammy: I think the term your looking for is "whosies whatsies"

Ben: I really wanted to talk to Rich McGuff too DAMMIT.

Sammy: Well, let's just hope that Rich is alright. Maybe you can snag him for the 8th annual next year, Ben.

Ben: Don't get cocky about it, man. There's no guarantees we'll get it again.

Sammy: Something tells me that it's a lock...

Ben: Phew! Okay...I'm okay, folks! Uh, Sammy? Uh, you better go get ready to announce -

Sammy: *monotone* Mayor Grisham.

Ben: Yeah, but try to have some excitement in your voice? That'd really sell it. Like you actually like the guy.

Grisham: How ya doin fellas? This is a fine day. How's your mom, Ben?

Ben: Oh man! Such a great day to be part of King Falls, mayor! Thanks for inviting us to host the uh -

Grisham: Yeah...that wasn't my call. It was originally Storm Sanders, but since he's-

Sammy: Please say off the reservation -

Grisham: That's completely culturally insensitive, Sammy! Have some tact. Since Storm is....ummm, not available to us today...the Chamber of Commerce insisted we go with...you.

Sammy: Believe me, Mayor, we are just as thrilled about this as you are.

Grisham: Right. I'll see you up on that stage, Sammy. Please make it short and sweet. I've got an announcement to make.

Sammy: Oh, so I should totally throw away the 8 pages of compliments I wrote for ya. Oh, all that hard work right down the drain.

Grisham: Yeah yeah yeah, good stuff, Stevens.

Ben: Uh, Mayor, before you go, would you mind giving the listeners at home a sneak peak of your announcement? I mean, most of the town is here and they'll hear it live. Could be a cool little thing for the station.

Grishman: You know what, Ben? I think that's a good idea. A great idea, even. You think this might help mend this mutually hurting bridge between King Falls AM and myself?

Sammy: Mayor? We'd love to get the scoop if you're willing to give it to us.

Grishman: So, we're good?

Ben: Water under the infrastructurally unsafe bridge. Sammy?

Sammy: Mayor, if you're happy, we're happy.

Grisham: That's the spirit!

Ben: So, Mayor Grisham, after the coronation in just a few short minutes, you're making an announcement?

Grisham: Absolutely, Ben. After today's crowning achievement of King Falls being the best small town in america and for the 7th year in a row, I don't think there's a better time to let the citizens of this wonderful town know that I'll be running, once again, for mayor in 2016.

Ben: Oh, wow! This is big news! This is a real scoop! This is -

Sammy: A load of horse (censored) !

Ben: WHAT?

Grisham: Excuse me?! Stevens?!

Ben: Uh *laughs nerviously* uh, what Sammy meant to say is that -

Sammy: *matterly of factly* Is that this is such a load of -

Ben: Sammy!

Grisham: Jesus (censored) Christ, are you serious right now, Sammy? Are we on the air, Ben? Alright, you guys are "Punking" me, right?

Ben: Uh, w-w-we are... live.

Sammy: So, mayor Grisham, you're announcing your bid for the seat you already hold at the town wide celebration that, let's face it, is far from legit.

Grisham: Are you- are you doing this right now? What happened to water under the bridge?

Sammy: That bridge literally collapsed under the load of manure you are planning on dumping on to it. Do you announce something special like this at every made up King Falls event, or is this just something special?

Grisham: How dare you!

Ben: Mayor *laughs nervously* Sammy's been taking a lot of cold medicine. You know how the old 'tussin makes ya loopy! He doesn't even mean this...

Sammy: What did he announce last year at the sixth annual best small town in america celebration?

Grisham: If you must know, smart ass, we announced the- the uhh -

Ben: *slowly like it's just starting to hit him* He announced the 2.5 million dollar add on to the already newly remolded city hall...

Grisham: I..I'd have to - I'd have to talk to Riley first and get the figures -

Sammy: And what about the fifth annual fest -

Grisham: You know what, we're done here -

Ben: Mayor Grishman announced 20% raises for all the King Falls county government employees.

Grisham: Again - gentlemen, I...I need to speak to Riley - I need to figure out these figures. You- you know it may have happened -

Ben: *sadly and softly* This is a sham...

Grisham: Are you happy, Stevens? Is this what you want? To ruin this town for everyone? Bring your big city conspiracy and your trash talk radio to my town? Are you happy?

Sammy: I think anyone that has this much problem with checks and balances is probably shady and worth looking into.

Grisham: You're a real piece of...work, Stevens!

Sammy: Coming from you? That means absolutely nothing.

Ben: Uhhh, whoa, uhh, I know this probably isn't the best time, but you two gentlemen are needed over at the main stage for the presentation and ribbing cutting.

Grisham: One word about this, Stevens. One utterance of your conspiracy fueled hog wash, and I will... AHEM. Ahem.

Sammy: Oh, I'm sorry, please continue to threaten me live on the radio waves. What was that?

Grisham: Listen up. You listen good. You have you little slice on sensationalized lies with your 12 listeners on AM radio. You stick to the damn facts and go announce King Falls as the best small damn town to live in or, so help me, I will have Sheriff Gunderson drag your ass outta here for preemptively inciting a riot! These people deserve it!

Sammy: And you of course.

Grisham: You're absolutely right. I love my city! Unlike yourself. Do your job for once and I'll do mine. You two disgust me. And don't think I won't write Merv a strongly worded letter after this!

Sammy: Yeah, good luck finding him.

Announcer over loud speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a real treat for you -

Ben: *sighs* Sammy, you should probably go do what ya gotta do...

Sammy: You know that I'm not doing this to - to paint the town in a negative light, right?

Ben: I do! I really do, but... do you know how much this town needs this?

Sammy: I do. And I love this town, I love these people. And maybe knowing the truth behind things is hard, but..I'd like to think it's better than living with the lie of it all. This isn't some BS proclamation by the Chamber of Commerce or a marginalized and power hungry schmuck that makes this town what it is... it's the people. It's the town. That's what makes King Falls great, and they deserve to know that.

Announcer over loud speaker: From King Falls AM, 660 on the radio dial, let's hear some applause out there! Mr. Sammy Stevens from the Sammy and Ben show! (crowd cheering and clapping) Oh, uh, my apologizes, Mr. Mayor,... yes, of course... uh, sl-slight change of plans, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome back to the stage, Mr. Dusty Reynolds!

Ben: What the?!

Sammy: Oh, I'll be back. POST MY BAIL, BEN!

Ben: Wait, what? Sammy! Uh, oh- okay. That was Sammy leaving. He's heading over to the - yup! He's running up on the stage, there...

Grisham: You're done, Stevens! DONE! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR (CENSORED) HEAD OFF!!!

(Crowd gasping dramatically )

Ben: Oh! Mayor Grisham just punched Sammy in the face! What the - (lots of censoring and fighting coming from the stage) Hey! Oh - oh - okay. Sammy just got- Sammy just- ohhhh. That's a suplex. Pretty sure that was a suplex. Sammy and Grisham are on the ground. This is literally like the end of Lethal Weapon. Except no rain... and neither of these men are proficient in mixed martial arts. (more screaming from crowd) HEY! DON'T! Oh, Mayor Grisham just went for a - a round house kick. And Sammy, nope - that - Sammy didn't even have to duck that was a terrible kick. No! Sammy! No, don't- don't- ooooo. How have they not broken this up? SOMEONE BREAK- SHOULD I BREAK THIS UP? (baby starts crying) Wh-where's Troy?!

Grisham: Someone cut their feed! Cut it! Cut the feed now!

Ben: I'm not even being biased, I think he's just angry Sammy had that headlock on him so long. La-ladies and gentlemen, I better -

Announcer: *nervous laughter* There's just horse-playing, folks. Right? Right guys? (more screaming and commotion from crowd) *Sighs* Somebody get the hose. Dusty! Play your damn song already! Best small town in America, my ass...

Dusty: (singing over crying babies, screaming crowd) ♪ Came up to my trailor when I was out of town, lord he took my smile and turned it upside down. Cause I caught you having sex with a rodeo clown. from the size of his shoes, I just can't compete ♪

(Sirens from police cars pulling up - music fades)

#king falls #king falls am #kfam #make king falls great again #podcast #transcript #18

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canaryatlaw · 8 years ago

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Today was....ugh. I mean it was mostly fine but I'm just in a rotten mood right now because of a few circumstances. But we'll start from the top (like we always do). Alarm goes off at 7 am, I manage to get out of bed even though it's gross and rainy and literally my least favorite type of weather, it's not like I really have a choice at this point. Gotta get those damn hours in. So I make it to work without incident (I came very close to getting through the metal detector without it going off....I swear it was like a second delayed. One day) then when I got up to my office I quickly finished off the timeline I was working up for the polish kidnapped twins (I'm not gonna take the time to explain that right here, so Tuesday night's post if you'd like to know more) mainly just adding the doctors report, then gave that to the lawyer, and then was effectively out of work. So I told everyone that and just like, hung out for a while to make sure they knew haha but nobody really had anything for me so I shrugged and said okay, I'll work on trial ad, which was a good move. I never really know where I'm gonna go with these things when I sit down to write them, which is true for a lot of the things I write. Some of it is basically done for you if you have a deposition transcript or something similar, but crosses are still different and such. So I got the direct and cross mainly hammered out throughout the day and I'm pretty satisfied with them. The case is being charged as first degree murder, and the defense is putting up a justifiable self defense defense, but the facts of the case very much indicate that it's actually a second degree unreasonable self defense case (which is when a person has a genuine belief their life was in danger, but that belief was objectively unreasonable). But we have to argue our side and why it shouldn't go to the other, so it's interesting. But yeah, I messaged my partner back and forth for a while and we got some good stuff done. I also had some inspiration to go to the stans donuts website and write to them about the incident I witnessed there about 3 weeks ago now. The inspiration came from a Facebook friend who wrote into the "not your mother's" brand of hair products about how their labeling saying "you have so much shopping and everything to get done how would you have time to shampoo your hair??" and pointing out the people really in need of the products are those that don't have the time to wash their hair because they're working very hard to make a name for themselves, and the company actually loved the idea and are now changing the message on all of their products, which is like, super awesome. So it somehow gave me the idea to report the incident. I tried to make it very clear that I did not want to get any fired or in trouble here, and that I genuinely think the male workers just didn't know any better, and that's the issue I have. So I told them what happened and how disturbed I was by it, and how I very strongly felt that if there was a female employee present there is no way in hell she would've let them kick the girl out. So I really just encouraged them to share this kind of stuff with their male employees so they can actually recognize this kind of situation and not throw someone out because they were "causing trouble" when really they were the victim of harassment and you just threw them out right to where their abuser was. So I felt good about that. Somewhere in the afternoon I got an assignment to look up cases and statutes in an old motion they were using as a template for a new one, and wanted to make sure all the case law and statutes are still valid law (the legal term for this, for some strange reason, is called "shephardizing"). So I basically went through and came up with a detailed list of the cases their cases had cited to and such, and I thought it was pretty well done. Around 4 I heard we were getting a TC in right now because our courtroom was on "duty" week, which means they stay up all afternoon to handle any cases that would've gone to a different calendar but that one is down for the day already. It was just a stip because the mom couldn't get her lawyer there, so it without TC without prejudice (meaning they can re-litigate it in the future, but they have to take TC within 48 hours of taking PC so it's somewhat frequent to do it that way). The petition was something alright, it was like, substance abuse, BITING YOUR CHILDREN and a bunch of other bizarre things that the correct legal term for is "yikes." She also messed up her children's birth dates when going over them with the ASA....whoops. So that was mildly entertaining at least. So when that was mostly over I went back upstairs and put the finishing touches on what I was working on and sent it over before heading out. Oh, I forgot to mention, my back has been insanely killing me for the past 24 hours or so, to the point where I had to take my heating pad to work with me today because I knew there would be no way I could even function without it because it's just so damn bad. Ugh. So for that reason I did not go to kickboxing, which of course I already expressed my annoyance at the other night, so I just went to Starbucks instead and started typing up my opening statement. It's so funny, cuz I sit down at the computer and just type "opening statement" as the title with no idea what I actually want to write, but then my brain just goes, and a couple minutes later I have some well-crafted paragraphs with a solid theme running through. The whole thing about this case is the victim was this bigger guy and the defendant is smaller, so you know the defense is gonna be all about how much bigger he was and how much he feared for his safety, so I decided the best way to rebut that narrative was to turn it on its head and go with the "big lovable teddy bear" persona instead. I decided that instead of being called "William Jones" his friends called him "Willie" and will proceed to only refer to him as that for the entire trial, just because I know that kind of shit endears people and it works very well, lol. So I got this whole thing worked up about how the defendant thought that just because of his size he had to be a threat to him, and he was a threat he was going to eliminate, by any means necessary. I think it's a fairly good way to flip the other narrative to make it work to our advantage. I almost wished I could've brought race into the problem, but none of the races of the parties were specified and I think it would've been wayyyyyy stepping over the line to pull out of thin air that the victim was black and the defendant was white so I could make my narrative about prejudice against the "big scary black guy" who was really just a big sweetheart. I recognize that that would've been way out of bounds though so I didn't go anywhere near it. A little past 7 I start walking over to church for small group, only for one of my small group leaders to pull up to the curb in her car and drive me the rest of the way, lol. We had a bit of confusion at the beginning because the church is like going nuts getting ready for Easter (I shit you not, they have a like, 8 food tall paper mache carrot in the kids section and I have no idea why) and the rooms were being cleaned so we got shuffled around a bit but eventually ended up in our regular room. The guy I was talking about last week was there of course, and we didn't get to talk quite as much, but there was definitely an undercurrent of something going on there, and I started like teasing him lightly and just kind of laughing and idk, it's just nice. Like if it doesn't go anywhere I won't really be disappointed, but it would be cool if it does. I just don't want to get my hopes up over nothing, not this early at least. I had like, a really hard time focusing in small group today for some reason I can't identify, but we talked about the similarities in the stories of Cain and Isaac which I thought was interesting because you never see Cain portrayed through any sort of redemptive arc, and he never really achieves redemption in the story, but God does give him another chance. And we talked about why God would've liked Abel's sacrifice and rejected Cain's, and all I could think of was that I was definitely told as a child in Sunday school it had something to do with God wanting sacrifices in meat, not fruit and vegetables and that's not exactly in the bible haha so that was interesting. It was a "knowing God" week which are great of course, but I really love the "loving others" weeks because you know that's kind of my thing. But anyway. We ended, I walk down to the blue line station and get onto the train, anddddd here's where everything starts to fall to shit. As soon as I sit down I'm aware I'm being watched, but I just ignore it and try to do my own thing, but pretty soon this guy is trying to get my attention, and just how he's looking at me makes me immediately uncomfortable. I knew, unfortunately, where this was going. So he starts telling me how pretty I am and I try to just be like "thanks" and turn back away but then he starts saying how he doesn't see a ring on my finger and I was like "uh no, I'm not married" at which point he takes it upon himself to move into the seat right next to me and is literally inches away from me and okay I am VERY uncomfortable at this point. So I go with my one tried and true excuse, and just blurted out "I do have a boyfriend though" (which, of course, I don't). But, thankfully, that did the trick and he backed off, but he made it VERY clear that was the only reason he was doing so, because he didn't want to cause any trouble with my "boyfriend," otherwise we could be together. And I'm just sitting there so ridiculously uncomfortable and while all of this is happening, there are other people in the car. I make eye contact with a few of them when he's right next to me and I'm certain the panic was very clear in my face, but not one even batted an eye to do anything about it and I just.....god, I hate that so much. I hate that I have this picture of myself in my mind telling any guy to fuck off if he tries to do anything, but then when something actually happens, I turn into a scared little girl who just tries to appease him in the easiest way to get out of the situation. Like goddammit, I should be better than this. I'm a feminist, dammit. I shouldn't have to resort to telling a man I have a boyfriend to get him to back off, I should assert that I'm not interested and that's enough. But I didn't, and I kind of hate myself for it. Next time, maybe. It depends on the context too of course, how many people are actually around, so if the guy decides he doesn't like my answer he can't somehow grab me without anyone seeing. The other question it brought to my mind has to do with intersectional feminism, and it is admittedly something that's been brought to my head on several occasions lately- that when a man makes me uncomfortable, does it have to do with his race? It's not like white men never make me feel uncomfortable, they do plenty of the time. But sometimes when a black man makes me feel uncomfortable I feel a stab of guilt somewhere that that probably has to do with a racist view I have somewhere deep down, but like, I don't know, I don't think race is the determining factor but it might be there?? And of course I don't want that. But then I'm faced with situations like tonight where the man who was harassing me was black. What does a white feminist do while being harassed by a black male? How does intersectionality work here? This is me genuinely asking, because I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to feel about any of this. Like should I not have as much feelings of misogyny about the situation as I would if it were a white man? I'm totally convinced I would've been just as uncomfortable if it had been a white man. I just....I don't know. I don't have any answers, just lots of questions. Sigh. I was going to switch compartments at the next stop but thankfully the guy got off instead and I breathed a big sigh of relief (while sparing a glare for those who sat through the incident and did nothing). When we make it to my stop, the bus is "delayed" 2 miles ago like it was two weeks ago with no telling how long it'll be delayed, and after all that I was like nope fuck this shit, so I just get a Lyft home because I'm tired and upset and my back hurts and I just want to go home, dammit. When I did get home I watched the episode of powerless I had recorded while I was on my computer and shortly after started getting ready for bed, and that was my day. I'm just......gah. I'm so frustrated. With men, with society, with myself for not being as strong as I pretend to be. I'm just so frustrated. But anyway. Sleep is definitely needed about now, so I'm gonna go do that. Goodnight my dears. Rest well.

#daily journal #April 2017

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fallingforwang · 8 years ago

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Scenario - Taking Him To An American ”Asian” Buffet

Scenario: You wanted to take him out for some Korean food since it seems like he’s missing it. Except here’s the problem. He hates it. You hate it and it’s hard to even call this an Asian restaurant which makes him incredibly sad.

~ Read on mobile for best effect 😊

Jaebum 제이비 : Okay, this guy likes to eat honey. I’m sure within reason he’ll try almost anything, especially if the idea came from you. First three bites. He’s all on board here. Next three bites a mushroom would be kissing the napkin instead of his lips. Of course he’ll be discrete about it but nothing will stop the proclaiming all the way home with a “Stomach ache” of how the trust between you and his intestines has been destroyed. If there is anything left of his insides to actually be.

“Your cooking could blow up their kitchen. Maybe they should take some lessons on actual Asian culture and figure things out? Or.. you just blow up the kitchen.. I like that idea much much better.”

Jackson 왕잭슨 : I think he’d be too distracted by all the beautiful decorations of his home. That and almost accidentally breaking the mechanical Chinese cat that sat on the front desk and just feeding you constantly from his plate. ( This is probably how he is avoiding eating it. The little cheater ) I mean, he’s overjoyed you’re finally out on a date and it won’t matter where you go. There’s this giant possibility he’ll be clogging up your bathroom to finish the night off, yeah, but he’s still the happiest little puppy alive.

“C’mon just one more bite, Y/N. Don’t force it if you can’t it’s just really -- uhh -- what’s that word I am looking for? N-a-s-t-y. Yummy?”

Yugyeom 유겸 : What’s his nickname? Big Yugyeomi. Big Baby. Big Softie. He’d never try to hurt someone purposefully, but you can see the twitches in his face and jaw shaking his entire body. There’s no way his tongue’s allowing him to lock down on this sweet and sour chicken. Which is really just, well, sour! I think if you asked him to come up and get more food there’s no doubt he will. But girl? Be prepared to do it alone anyways because he’ll be standing eight feet away from the trays while you pack the plate again.

“You’re not going to eat that are you?? No! Pick from other tray!!~~~”

BamBam 뱀뱀 : *Takes a long deep breath and doesn’t let it go* It works two ways if you really want to take him into public, I hope you will keep him locked in the house. But Bambam could have this look on his face. Stuck there. The entire time. Even when he is chewing, he looks like a terrified alpaca. But besides his eyes watering like a bigger version of Niagara Falls he will stick through it all. Carry on like a trouper that he is because he knows how excited you were when you discovered the Thai Buffet. Now the other way this could go. *Finally lets my breath out* Screaming. Mostly screeching in the car and giving the classic body shakes in the seat that will probably have you pulled over by the police. He’ll over-exaggerate everything but for good reasoning, why? His tongue wasn’t the only one that was on fire here. That was NOT pad-Thai.

“Sometimes I wonder if you really love me. I am starting to *Dab Dab* cry, Y/N, really. Next time I choose where we go, okay? *Dab* Whew~~ *Giant Dab* That was bad!”

Mark 마크 : Mark wouldn’t exactly express the pain as extra as Bambam and Jackson (later) would. But he would still have to hide his head in the comfort of his arms hoping the stinging wasps would stop their attacks on his throat and tongue. Personally you didn’t think it was terrible, maybe you were used to it by now? Maybe it just didn’t taste like the real deal? He saw you were feeling bad when you saw he was feeling bad. Quickly changing his plate formation up so he could keep eating with you. Just not a frickin half giant quarter the menu (?)

Jinyoung 진영 : No. No. No. No! This will not do! Jinyoung would be more affected by you having to eat this meal than he would have. Before each and every bite just like a mother would, he’d have to try a piece. Thumbs up or thumbs down, a simple yes or powerful no. I’ve said “No” how many times in this reaction? Times that by seven and you have your answer on how bad his opinion was. Oh and don’t forget to add a bunch of apologies but he will not waste money on a meal.. He’s eating your plate for you pretty much anyways.. There would be no unusual contact with the staff, he’d be polite like he would have with a regular meal and also left the tip. But every time you now drive by the restaurant you hear a displeased growl and grumbled wishes the foundation would collapse in on the trays of food.

“When we get home I want you to lie down while I cook you some proper soup.. Is this really how they serve you Korean food, Y/N?” #DissapointedInHumanity

Youngjae 영재 : Even though you’re not enjoying the quality of the food tonight, you’d sure be enjoying Youngjae’s little pained smiles too; which are an exact copy of your opinions on this meal. He’s going to make it as enjoyable as possible or impossible calling it ‘Our Fun Little Adventure’. The ending of this story basically saying “And they were found spooning each other in absolute pain of the grease that was stuck harder than glue in their bellies. Staying there forever until they got hungry again, that was the tale of Youngjae and Y/N” The End~

“Does it feel like sauna in here to you? Because this stir fry.. is.. wao...”

Hanbin 비아이 : You know it, iKON knows it, YG knows it, the president knows it, Jesus knows it. God knows it. When there’s silence? there is bound to be a strike. Hanbin’s nostrils would be vividly fuming out fury and the charred death-like stench of beef swarming the booth you’re sharing. The restaurant should know better than this really and it’s not a mistake when he would look at your food too. I would think he might make a complaint clear with whoever would be at the front desk. But he would not, in no way shape or form put the blame on a waitress. It’s not her fault? Then I think an apology would be fair in this situation and he wouldn’t care from who at this point. Not when he’s had to watch his girlfriend eat this stuff.

“I’m taking you out tomorrow and the day after that. I’m gonna show you what real “Asian” food is about, ok? Don’t worr-stop eating.. Just stop”

“I normally would never say anything but you need to understand how to treat a customer and serve them quality food! I do not know what my girlfriend and I just ate but that was anything but good. I’m not coming back here but I hope you can fix this quickly.. I hate to see potential waste.. Thank you for listening...”

Chanwoo 정찬우 : Mm.. mm... Well? This is not how he would want to experience a Friday night chill date with you. No, it would be anything BUT chill there. The singer isn’t humming his new tunes to serenade you, his is humming because his mouth is about to explode. These terrible paper mache dragons are about to be put to shame.. And I think his kissing skills tonight will too.. Poor baby. In the end while still being miffed at the quality and soggyness, he’ll focus on anything but the food. You can guarantee the most randomness of things will be spilling out from the “poisoning” so maybe now would be a great time to get a few secrets out of him? ~

“This-is-actually-pretty-good-I think-we-should-get-some-more-don’t-you-and-maybe-after-that-we-can-try-pork-that-was-next-to-it-it-look like--”

Bobby 바비 : Oooh girl you. Are. Lucky!!~~ if Mino and the rest of the crew were there - things would have happened. Like raiding the kitchen and cookin’ their own food for real this time or having a wild party on tabletops. I don’t think he’d even keep holding the plate when you both approached the three isles of hot trays. Bobby’s gonna appreciate the thought of going out, going out to something familiar but no. Just. Just no. No matter how heavenly this whole place smelt, there ain’t no way the tip of your chopstick is coming near his mouth in a million years. So with all due respect? Nuh-uh.

“How about we just Netflix and Take-out baby? This uh.. This don’t look like.. Ya know.. It don’t look.. Like we gonna like it.”

Jinhwan 진환 : Jinan would try to make it through at least half a meal. But if it came out to be that bad he would definitely be the first to tell you to stop, then finish up what he can from both plates. As far as telling the managers or something he doesn’t seem like the one in this situation to speak up about it. Instead he’ll hope that America can find solid recipes to obey by and not screw up ever again. As a result he’ll try to laugh it off until someone comes by with the check. Just don’t make him move too much or it could get ugly fast.

“I don’t know what I just ate!!~~” (Are he and Chanwoo both poisoned?)

Junhoe 구준회 : He’s in the middle of a sentence~ Why should he be focusing on the quality of the food when you’re debating wither he looks better with bangs or not?-oh my god-what the heck is this- No, he wouldn’t be able to have the lucky side here. The waitress would be barely passing behind him when she and the restaurant and the whole block hears him choking. You’re reassuring her that he is just fine, she’s ready to call the emergency and he’s just sitting there staring at this rubber looking piece of chicken that was just lodged in the back of his throat.. Now I think it’s obvious what screaming happens next. Let’s just say you weren’t going to ask her for a takeout box. Ever again. Maybe just a muzzle to stop these complaints. . .

“Please don’t that just came out of my mouth. Please don’t.... What even is this? Chicken? Rubber band? Calamari? Y/N.. Why? - Why?? WHYWHYWHY”

Donghyuk 동혁 : It’s simple to say he’s the calm after the storm here. He would actually be strong enough to finish his plate, softly encouraging you to do the same. If he had selected the same rolls and soup then it’s obvious you’re also getting the blow of the sourness. Unless this was a Chinese version he can tell you for certain that’s not Korean samgyetang. It wasn’t. It was terrible. He’ll sit back once you’re on the last few bites waiting to see if you were going to comment on it or not. If you didn’t? He won’t. He’ll say he had a lovely time ~ Because he was with you of course. But if you do, he will at least warn the waitresses if someone else get’s mad by eating it and won’t show the same kindness as Donghyuk has ❤

“You okay, Jagi? How you are feeling?”

Yunhyeong 윤형 : First it’s the sushi. Then it’s the crab ragoons. Next is the Mei Fun and this is where he stops. He’d think it would get better if you just don’t think about it but you do. Now the dumplings that would be staring back at him would shock nervous chills straight down his throat, creating a nasty buzz in the top of his stomach. In this case you’re the one that notices the unusual tang in the meal. After rinsing your mouth with a little swirl of water it still only made the zing sharper. One look? Yeah, you know what that means. It’s time for ice cream and never ever ever ever never coming back here again. Darn it ~ He was so excited for it too.

“I think we better stop. . It’s not- yeah, see look at your face! *while laughing he tries to wipe the smear of sauce off the edges of your lip* Let’s go home, uhh? I just got some ”

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deafeningcreationperson-blog · 7 years ago

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My car insurance wont cover me. what can i do?

"My car insurance wont cover me. what can i do?

I rear ended a lady on the 18th of sep 2013 in riverside california. I thought i was covered by my insurance because my dad said it would be better if i got insurance through him. Its my car and its on his policy but i was not on the policy this whole time. But heres the thing, a farmers insurance agent told my dad that anyone would be covered so long as he knew they were driving the car. So my question is... what can i do? My dad was lied to by this agent and we have no proof that she did. We will be going in to speak with her today and will try to get the conversation recorded, we hope to get a confession that way. But do you have any other tips?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr