#am i gonna maintag this. i feel so bad maintagging this oh no

[loud-whistling-yes]

beloved mutual loud-whistling-yes please tell me the story on how pearl found your blog I am so curious now /nf

ok its been like 2 years since this happened i barely said a word about it but ok whatever pearl probably forgot about it i think i can say it now

October 24th, 2022

Pearl announces the release of her dl plushie

It's several months after dl's finale and 2 weeks until my birthday

My mental state in this period of time was solidly parked in the Pearl Insanity Zone

I want- no, I need that plushie

It's 138 ringgit

The plushie is 138 fucking ringgit

My mother refuses to let me buy the plushie

Not even as my birthday present

Not even if I offer to pay with my own money

I was this close to chewing up the furniture

I am not allowed to chew up the furniture

I choose instead to scream and cry on tumblr about it because well where else was I gonna cry about it

In a moment of stupidity and plushie-mourning grief

I maintag the post for personal sorting reasons

October 30th, 2022

It's exactly one week until my birthday

I get an ask in my inbox

It's tumblr user pearlescentmoo

Wait

TUMBLR USER PEARLESCENTMOO????????????????

I check the blog to see if this is a troll blog or something

NOPE

IT'S REAL

PEARLESCENT FUCKING MOON JUST SENT ME AN ASK

She says she feels bad that I can't get the plushie cause of the price

She wants to send me a discount code so I can get the plushie for free

Wait what

SHE WANTS TO SEND ME A DISCOUNT CODE SO I CAN GET THE PLUSHIE FOR FREE?????????????

I distinctly remember feeling like I was gonna throw up on my laptop

Oh yeah also losing my mind on whatsapp with my irl friends who have no idea what the fuck was going on

Problem is

She sent this to me via an ask

I'm pretty sure her DMs were closed at the time

Look man I wasn't gonna blast the fact Pearl's giving out plushies for free all willy nilly like that I have standards

I tried responding to her via answering the ask privately

The answer gets sent

I never get a reply

I'm pretty sure that tumblr, in it's true tumblr fashion, ate the ask

I never got the plushie

And that's the story of why Pearl definitely knows that my blog was titled "pearl my blorbo skrunkly poor pathetic meow meow"

It's been 2 years and I still want to die

[br0-k3n-sch00lb01]

Aaaaaah what a time to exist

my brain is so empty when it comes to making posts that people actually care about

i wanna change my maintag to something other than charlie rants.. but i’ve been using it for too long to do that…

i guess its cus most of my posts arent rants they are just nonsense that i am spouting to anyone who particularly pays attention to them (aka nobody,,) what even are these posts anymore

im gonna spout about life instead of other things!! Because… i suppose i should talk about my life more.. since i never do

and thats kinda what blogs are for, hm?

I… went to get froyo with my friend… it was fun but it was like 25 bucks for two people…

he has a crush on me, and i… dont know how i feel about him at all.

im not sure really what my sexuality is anymore… i feel like sometimes i’m massively gay because oh my god men… but then other times i think of ever being in a relationship and it grosses me out… so then i think maybe i’m aro…

i finished watching Madoka Magica Rebellion today!!

it was good… though they skipped over parts in the manga that i really liked… its okay though

it was worth 4 dollars to rent…

it’s almost my birthday…

i wonder if people got me what i asked for.?

hopefully somebody got me the Madoka cosplay i wanted…

i don’t think i’ll be able to afford it myself haha

my grandma has me in therapy right now. I don’t really feel like it’s helping me at all…

but she says i have to do it and she won’t let me go out of it until she thinks i’m ready. i don’t think i’m ever getting out of therapy, if that’s the case.

i don’t really like my family situation. I know compared to others, i have life pretty good. But sometimes i feel like all they care about is keeping me alive so that they dont get accused of bad parenting. Or forcing me to get good grades so that the teachers don’t have to talk to them about how awful i am at everything.

not because they care about my future or anything. because they DON’T care about my future. No matter how much they say they do. You can just sort of tell.

i got my Len Kagamine cosplay a little while ago… my grandma said it was an Amazon pick… but it’s not really as good as the one i picked out…

I’ve been thinking about @n3hmof1sh and @ffelix143 a lot lately!!

i talk about Nehmo and Felix constantly to anybody who listens..

or even if they don’t really listen…

my friends haven’t been responding to my texts. I think they’re ignoring me.

i think maybe i’m being too much of a burden on them… annoying them all the time…

i’m sure some of my friends on here understand what i mean… i don’t really do much outside of tumblr, to be honest

i sort of wish there was no real world, and i could live here in tumblr with the people that actually care… people that i would do anything to spend time with off of a screen..

i’ve gotten so attached to my stupid screens that i really don’t know what else to do without them. I’ve lost any sense of worth in real activities.

i think that’s a bad thing.

but that’s okay.

[datastate]

i love him your honor

[grayintogreen]

Rewatching The Travelercon arc and First of all Love Artagan so fucking much, but one subtle thing I love is the relationship between Caleb and Artagan.

They both love Jester in their own ways, but unlike some of the Mighty Nein they don't see her as Naive or treat her likea child. They trust her, and her ability to make decisions for herself, and they don't just perceive her choosing to see good in the world as being ignorant to the bad.

Like they way Caleb was more open and less hostile, while still being wary of Artagan because he trusts Jester and her ability not only to choose "good" people, but also how she can take a not so great person and make them better.

And how both of them make all sorts of beautiful Magic for her.

I don't know I just like two Chaotic Gingers who love a blue Tiefling.

Disclaimer for me (not you anon, you're valid and very polite and share my exact feelings), but I value every relationship Jester has with the M9 and Artagan and some tertiary non-Nein members and think they all offer different things for her and could easily be romantic or platonic, so I just wanna get that out of the way, because not liking how everyone handled the Artagan situation does not mean I don't value Jester's relationships with those characters. This shouldn't need to be said and I don't maintag my asks anyway and I'd like to think my blog is a safe space for complex opinions, but, unfortunately, nuance is dead.

Also I don't wanna say one thing and then get a bunch of people either going BUT YOU WRITE FJORESTER!! OR LET ME DISS THIS ENTIRE SHIP/CHARACTER IN YOUR ASKS. Or HOLY SHIT YOU'RE A WIDOJES??? Because we don't do that here. I am a multishipper and a supporter of all characters. I just have favorites.

OKAY WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY... Boy, TravelerCon was a giant who's who of which party members believe Jester isn't a good read on people (some were projecting way too hard though), and that's all I'm gonna say about that, because even though I damn well knew that Artagan choked a guy to death for fun in Campaign One, I fully trusted his relationship with Jester from the first time he revealed himself. I trusted him more when I knew he was Artagan then I did when I just assumed he was, because, like... For a chaotic being, Artagan is predictable. What could he be using Jester for? He doesn't even like being a god. So I kinda spent that whole arc being OH MY GOD, GET OFF JESTER'S ASS ALREADY? ARTAGAN'S GREAT.

BUT I love how Caleb handled it and I love the very likely WHY he handled it very well. First of all, Caleb has always been a big believer in fairy tales. He cherishes this one story from his childhood where fey are nice and kind and don't steal children from their mothers and showed it to Jester BECAUSE it mirrored her own life (and because he's a victim of the other side of it- Trent isn't fey, but you could rewrite the entire Blumendrei story as a Changeling Tale and barely change a thing). He knows what the VERY thing that everyone else is suspicious of Artagan of looks like and what Artagan is doing is Not That.

Also Caleb recognizes that Jester was a lonely girl who made a fey friend. Isn't that what he did with Frumpkin when he was scared and alone in the world? He sees so many facets of that relationship and that puts him in a unique position to trust Jester AND Artagan.

She loved him when she knew the worst of him, even though he was terrified she wouldn't, and that helped him want to be better, and if she could do that to HIM, who thought he was too far gone, then why couldn't she do it to someone like Artagan?