#am i going down a rabbit hole of having this song on repeat whilst just reading about them and seeing how they speak about each other again?

[pierregaslays]

pierre and charles embody the chorus of invisible string so much

[twiceblackvelvet]

Username: xNotYourJoyx

A/N; hi. i have no clue where this idea came from. i don’t know why my brain always tells me to start more red velvet series’ randomly. but here is the latest spawn from it. this will have more parts to it because i’m interested in expanding on the dynamics of this trio plus i signed up for things that have since blown up my emails for this because i’m dedicated like that. anyway! enjoy. or don’t. idk anymore. 

It was only a suggestion.  A quick mention, really. “There’s this site, Seungwan,” is how it started. Except for that brief conversation spiraled rapidly into a whirlwind of curiosity and excitement. Perhaps, discussing the lack of sex life and the frustration that comes with that whilst you’re supposed to be busy working on the latest financial development wasn’t the smartest move, and yet, the conversation ended in a better resolution than she imagined when Joohyun had managed to pry the information out of her about why she’s been so on edge lately. 

On edge being both literal and metaphorical. Getting to the high is easy, however, toppling over into the rush of being able to feel the full experience of pleasure has been evading her for the last few weeks now. Nothing seems to do the trick and though you may think it’d be fun to simply keep trying, it’s starting to become an issue with the more extreme methods she attempts. So, it desperately needs to be fixed, just not in front of all of her colleagues who are idly typing away the dull workday. 

The rest of the day drags along. Nothing particularly interesting happens which Seungwan is grateful for, she could do without the extra stress. Though, she’s sure the new sponsorship to promote a dead-end product that everyone had warned their boss about will cause a headache in the future, she ignores the nagging feeling in the back of her mind. Joohyun was kind enough to buy dinner for the both of them which her stomach is currently grateful for as she’s certain her fridge at home is empty. But, watching her friend and colleague suckle on the ice cream bar she purchased for herself should not have resulted in her needing to press her legs together on instinct. 

Joohyun didn’t notice, or if she did, she didn’t say anything and continued to lap her tongue across the cold strawberry flavored ice cream. Probably for the best. Nothing good ever comes from getting too involved with people you have to work alongside every day, even if that person does look like Aphrodite herself. The awkward looks between you both, everyone else knowing that the two of you have slept together but are now deciding on which color scheme to use for an advertisement, it just isn’t something that Seungwan wants to deal with. So, she and Joohyun will have to remain platonic. Unfortunately.

It’s late by the time she gets home. The hallway lights leading up to the apartment door flicker every few seconds and the apartment across the hall has the television turned up loud enough that Seungwan is sure they’re trying to let those in hell hear the latest episode of whichever show they’re currently watching. The keys in her hand rattle as she unlocks the stiff door that barely wants to open anymore. The loudness doesn’t disappear once she closes it behind her but it’s home and somewhere she can erase the feeling of being stuck, in more ways than one. 

The latest routine of ordering in unhealthy food that is slowly destroying her insides, a cold shower to wash away some of the exhaustion, and then listening to the same songs for about an hour feels almost robotic but it’s what she’s grown used to now. Once the darkness begins to creep in across the apartment, cold air making the hairs on her arm stand to attention and the neighbors suddenly growing quiet, it’s the small bed in the corner of the room that calls out and the only thing echoing inside her head. 

Well, it would be, had she not suddenly recalled Joohyun’s description of a site where many people frolic and entertain those who perhaps need a little extra help with their more sinful needs. She moves on auto-pilot toward the jacket hanging on the coat rack and reaches into the left side pocket for the small piece of paper where only the web address is scrawled upon it in Joohyun’s perfect handwriting. The laptop she bought years before and barely runs anymore rests on the dining table she never sits at, closed, and with a line of dust taking up home upon it. Grabbing it, she plops herself down onto the bed after removing her dressing gown and the towel around her hair which has long since dried and throwing it into a corner of the room to be cleaned up tomorrow. 

Her fingers trace the keyboard idly, never pressing in a single key, simply going back and forth over the letters whilst her brain tries to decipher if this is something she wants to try out. 

“Fuck it.” She thinks. Soon enough, the site is loading, slowly, and asking for her to confirm she is of legal age to enter it. 

The screen finally loads and brings up a bunch of profiles under the “popular” banner. To say that the sight of all the various people before her is overwhelming would be an understatement. A sidebar reveals that she can choose a category as well as filter out specific things that are not of her interest. Some of the categories are the standard you would expect, for example, she immediately filters to only see profiles of women. However, others are a little more out there and specific toward what Seungwan assumes are people’s fetishes. A lot of them are things that she would never consider a person could find interesting sexually, and yet, the option is right before her. She ignores the curious voice inside of her head telling her to click on some of them. 

A screen full of women now presents itself in front of her. All of them are beautiful and there’s a whole variety to choose from. The profile pictures range from selfies where they’re simply smiling to some of them being without clothing whatsoever. She scrolls for quite some time simply admiring all of the choices before her until one, in particular, captures her attention. 

Wide dark eyes with hair of the same shade of brown, plump lips that are sporting a small smirk that’s both enticing and teasing. Part of the girl’s neck is on display for Seungwan to imagine herself kissing and biting softly. Without hesitation, she hovers over the username and clicks onto the profile. 

“xNotYourJoyx” she repeats mentally a few times. 

The next page reveals a sign-up box that doesn’t allow Seungwan to venture any further. She’s quick to type in her email address, a username not as clever as she would like and the same password she uses for everything else. The next step is to add her bank details in order to be able to subscribe to various pages. She hesitates at this portion realizing that it’s probably very easy for people to fall too far down this rabbit hole. Thus she promises herself not to subscribe to anything until she’s 100% sure. 

After completing her profile, she’s brought back to the girl she assumes is named Joy or at least uses that name here. Her subscription rate is the first thing to appear. Her price is low Seungwan thinks, around $10 when she was expecting something far higher based on the type of content Joohyun had told her the people on the site create. The next part is an Amazon wishlist with various items in it ranging from hair extensions, expensive perfume, and medical equipment? She must be a nurse, Seungwan thinks. 

Further down the page reveals a VIP service which is more expensive than the standard subscription but allows for you to request specific pictures or videos. There are rules that come along with it which Seungwan reads multiple times over. 

Don’t ask me to say or tell you anything personal about me, we are not friends. You don’t know me like that. 

No, you can’t have my Instagram or any other social media so don’t ask. 

Don’t be a dick. 

My amazon wishlist is not for me. I am not a doctor. But I’m down to dress as one for you if you’re into that. 

“Well, that clears that up I guess.” She thinks. 

For the next ten minutes, Seungwan simply scrolls through the free content on offer from Joy. A few shots of her without clothes but covering her body up with her hands or a sheet, all of which look professionally done which is surprising.  She’s captivated and drawn in by this girl a lot quicker than she thought she would be, she can see why Joohyun would recommend such a thing to her now. The possibilities are endless and there are no strings attached. It’s an ideal situation for both parties. 

Despite making the promise to herself, she’s quick to subscribe to Joy’s feed but ignores the large “upgrade to VIP” logo that’s glistening in gold below the payment button. It would seem strange or suspicious surely to her if someone new to her profile was suddenly paying for the premium option Seungwan tries to logic with herself. 

A few seconds pass as the page reloads itself before finally Joy’s profile is unlocked for Seungwan’s eyes to devour. The same type of photos as previously, however, without anything covering herself up. The same natural reaction to jam her thighs together that she felt earlier with Joohyun ends up happening again except this time she positions her hand under the waistband of her bed shorts. 

The further she explores everything Joy has posted the more the need to be touched becomes overwhelming Before she knows it her fingers are gently caressing her soft skin slowly yet with desperation. Many of the images have comments from other people praising the effortless beauty that Joy manages to convey with ease. Seungwan thinks that Joy must be someone with great confidence to display herself so openly like this. She wishes she too were able to picture herself in the way that Joy likely does. 

Her body aches for some release but once more she’s not able to reach the peak as the page of images suddenly comes to an end. Once more, the gold button for premium appears and tells Seungwan she’s reached the limit of what she can see. A blurring effect does a good job of hiding what follows next, however,  what it doesn’t do is stop her from being enticed further when she spots that Joy has also uploaded videos of herself, they are simply hidden from those on the basic subscription as her. 

Almost sub-consciously she finds herself going against every warning sign inside of her mind telling her that paying to watch Joy rather than just look at her is a bad decision, one she will definitely come to regret or become too attached to doing, and yet, it’s too late once she’s confirmed the upgrade and clicked onto the first video that appears. 

White background, likely a wall in her home, Seungwan thinks, until finally the girl steps into the frame with yet another smirk on her lips.  

“Hello, welcome to premium. Thank you for subscribing. I hope you enjoy all of the videos and pictures that only a select few of you will ever get to see. If you’re feeling even more generous please be sure to check out my wishlist. Now, let’s have fun together.” 

Her voice is silky smooth, Seungwan thinks. She replays the simple video a few times just to hear her make this decision sound like she’s part of an exclusive club where only she is invited, though, she’s aware that isn’t true at all. Joy likely has a ton of people paying to see the most intimate parts of her. The comments on this simple welcoming video are at 59 which means at least that many people have also fallen into the trap, though if Joy is the prize, Seungwan wonders if be tricked into paying extra like this is worth it in the end. 

She decides to read through some of them just to get a sense of how people communicate with her here. 

ksgeees says: can’t wait for you to send me my video Joy😏

canudoit2609 says: so hot🔥

r4bb1tfr13nd says: damn i should have subbed earlier🥵🥵🥵

speedzoom0408 says: YOU CAN HAVE ALL MY MONEY

HYUNSKY says: most beautiful girl ever 

Strangely, the latter comment is the only one Joy has bothered to give a reply to. 

xNotYourJoyx says: @HYUNSKY wow, thank you😳

The compliment is definitely correct and deserving of a reply, yet, Seungwan wishes she were the one to tell Joy such things and have her respond solely to her. Jealousy is a green-eyed monster and though she probably shouldn’t be feeling it toward a complete stranger, she does. The sound of the keys as she types out her own comment with her free hand that hasn’t been teasing herself is the only thing she can hear now. Not even the wind outside is able to pierce her eardrums and break her from this spell that Joy has put her under. 

Wannie2102 says: you are so perfect, Joy.

It’s simple and Seungwan hates it, but she simply must tell this girl something, anything, in hopes that she sees it and feels happy to be complimented. 

Silence now, nothing but the screen before her for light inside the cold bedroom. The list of videos, 71 in total, tempting Seungwan, taunting almost. Her left hand numb now from just resting against her own body whilst her right-hand clicks onto the next one in the list after the welcoming video. 

The same white background, however, Joy is positioned in the video as soon as it starts this time. Laying down on a black crushed velvet sofa in only her underwear. Her right hand gently caressing her breasts as she grunts out a few low moans. Her left hand in a similar position to where Seungwan is resting her own. The tired and slow circles in which she moves her hand causes her eyes to roll into the back of her head as Seungwan changes her own pace to match that of Joy’s on the screen. 

Her bed creaks with every movement of Joy’s that she mimics, the headboard bashing against the wall behind her whenever Joy quickens her pace and then sounds like a light drumming whenever she slows. The neighbor next door has definitely been awakened by the rhythmic sound of Seungwan rocking her body against her fingers. 

“You’re enjoying this, huh?” The words surprise Seungwan out of her reverie as it’s as if Joy is present and asking her specifically and knowing that she too is pleasuring herself as she is doing. Without even thinking she manages to gasp out a yes in reply that only she can hear, yet gains a response from Joy almost like she can magically hear her. “I wish I could watch you touch yourself to me.” she pauses to lowly moan. “For me.” 

The pressure rises between her thighs once more except this time her body allows her to release every bit of tension she’s had to keep trying to get rid of for weeks. Her entire body collapses against itself as she indulges herself in what she’s convinced is the longest orgasm to ever exist. Her legs shaking wildly as her arm tenses up and flex to make sure she feels every bit of her undoing. The sound of Joy finishing up her own continues to play in the background for further motivation but the deed has already been done. 

She rests momentarily, staring up at the ceiling as gentle pants fill the room both from herself and the laptop. Nothing else in the world matters at this very moment. However, once more Joy manages to surprise Seungwan with her telepathic way of just knowing somehow when to speak to her viewer. 

“Thank you for that, I hope you come back soon for more.” and then the video ends. 

A dark screen replacing the beautiful image of Joy just as spent as Seungwan feels. But, now she’s left to think about everything that has just transpired between herself, the screen and a girl she doesn’t even know. Guilt wells up in her chest and she slams the screen shut almost shattering the glass. “Why did you do this?” is the only thing that repeats inside of her mind. No longer focused on the pulsating feeling against her hand as she pulls it out of her shorts too fast and whips herself with the waistband which will no doubt sting in the morning.

Her legs shakily drag her body to the bathroom almost tripping over various clothes that have sat there waiting to be cleaned for way too long now. She turns on the shower for the second time tonight and steps into it, almost falling immediately. The cold water shocks her body into feeling something other than the after-effects of pleasuring herself. Scrubbing every inch of her body intensely and repeating inside of her mind that she’ll cancel the subscription tomorrow and never do anything like this ever again. She can’t. Joy is a stranger and she shouldn’t be doing these things.

By the time she’s finished almost burning her skin with the washcloth to make sure she’s rid herself of her sins and changing her fair skin to a reddish shade, the clock on the bedside table shows that there are only three hours before she’s due to wake up for work. The bed seems tainted now, so she grabs the blanket and sleeps on the sofa that is far less comfortable. 

Joohyun is definitely going to ask her about whether or not she used the site, definitely going to notice the dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep and will definitely draw up her own conclusion anyway no matter what her answer is. She tries her best not to think about any of this but there’s just a constant loop of the images of Joy, the sound of her voice, and the way she encouraged Seungwan to feel again. 

She dreams of dark hair and brown eyes that night and moans that could be the most heavenly sound in the world or a new addiction that Seungwan isn’t ready for but may not have a choice but to indulge in it. 

pt. ii

[strawberryybird]

Me sees the character songs post, immediately wants to know what character songs you have for the characters and why.

ok so. welcome to the rabbit hole that is my music taste and what is my no.1 most frequently done activity.. plastering emotions i have for fictional characters all over my music taste. I restricted myself to ¾ songs for each character & then to Edie, Hubert, Dorothea, Lysithea & Byleth because otherwise we’d be here all day (and those are the Primary Daydream Candidates rn)

under a rm because as im sure we’ve all seen.. i just don’t fucking stop.. also i got weirdly deep about some of these topics. i don’t know how to tag it. tread careful?

Here are some songs.. welcome to my (notoriously bad) music taste. alsoi go in Very heavy handed about it all. i make only a few apologies:

Edelgard:Everybody wants to rule the word - tears for fears. (ucan go with Lorde’s cover but i prefer the original bc im like that.) i meanit’s pretty heavy handed but it’s such an Edelgard song it !!!! fuels my ficwriting. if it’s not so very Edelgard’s relationship with twsitd then idk whatto tell you. plus it’s an iconic song

Medicine - daughter. (daughter is My Favourite Band. Ever. I cannot articulate how much ilove their (and ex:re’s) music!!) anway. this is a hegegard song & i don’ttake constructive criticism. I’ll reiterate this better in other descriptions,but please don’t take my inclusion of a song about such a topic as adevaluation of it in any way, that’s not my intention. The reason I go so feralfor Hegegard is because im no stranger to watching someone you care about hurt themselvesin a way you can’t stop, and that’s what the AM ending evokes in me. Hence: asong I love that one can read the same story in. And then the lyrics ‘You couldstill be / What you want to / What you said you were / When I met you” just !! parallelsEdge of Dawn’s lyrics about regret & overall I’m very feral about this.

(Don’t Fear) The Reaper - blue oystercult. this is PRIME Edelgard telling freshly-awokenbyleth she’s been waging war for 5 years. also !!!! “Seasonsdon’t fear the reaper / Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain, we can be likethey are” >>> “The Edge of Dawn (Seasons ofWarfare) (フレスベルグの少女～風花雪月～,lit. Girl of Hresvelg ~Wind, Flower, Snow, Moon~)” .. the link is tenuous but coincidence?? is it, fuck.

Seneca - Novo Amor. this is another one of those songs that could mean something different to everyone. very easy to project onto, is novo amor. I like the story of being prepared to run and break ties at any given moment, but ending up - emotionally or physically - in the same place one always was. apart from the glaring tie of how Edelgard returned to garreg mach, this song is a lot of me trying to repatriate Edelgard’s lack of emotional arc in the game by saying . well. this song. 

You can call me Al -  paul simon. am i projecting edeleth thoughts onto my favourite song? it’s morelikely than you think!!! but also i like the chorus and all the exasperating ‘call me el’jokes i can make.. i may be half writing a fic based on this song.

Dorothea:Agnes - glass animals. so i have significant emotions about edelthea at the best of times !! and this song !!! really bloody hits it home !! yes I knowit’s got a really heavy and real subject matter and I’m not trying to devalueit or minimise it.. but the story - about watching someone close to you hurtthemselves/get hurt, and doing so in ways you can’t stop them from - is adamn real one. And a Lot of why I love Dorothea’s character in the gamebecause she’s the one who can’t stop her friends from getting hurt – through exposureto warfare .. or  stopping Edelgard becomingthe monster at the end of the story. Even though she’s one of the healers onthe beagle’s team. And I feel that.

Ex’s and Oh’s – Elle King. So you know that one spn fanvid featuringthis song about all of dean winchester’s relationships? That, but for my flirting Queen Dorothea Arnault. (and I have the dumbest most fun little headcanon thatonce Dorothea and Sylvain derailed a lgbt+ society meeting whilst Edie wastrying to go over the budget by blasting this song and dancing on the table.The idea makes me laugh)

Hold My Girl – George Ezra. The whole thing about wanting just that onemoment to cherish the people you love for one moment more before you have goout face the world? If that’s not the timeskip’d Dorothea Arnault Aesthetic, Idon’t know what is.

(Call Me Out – sea girls. On a much lighter note, this song is fueling the later half of mydrafts of road trip au. And it’s literally because of that one verse. im gayshut up.)

Hubert:Red Right Hand – nick cave and the bad seeds. Is it on the nose? Is itheavy handed? Oh u fuckin bet but that won’t stop me!!! A) it’s a good song. ItIs. B) I like narrative songs. C) Any ‘red right hand’ symbolism in Anycharacter has me love them immediately and also plonk this song in the middleof any playlist about them. sure, the artic monkeys version might be a bit more on hubert’s brand.. but my mileage varies about it lmao

I had fortress by bear’s den earmarked for Hubie, as I think it’s easilyread about boundaries and a one sided intense relationship & that’s! Hubiebaybee! But I can’t possibly cover unhealthy relationships without shoving thealbum Hospice by The Antlers into every which way of it. It’s by no meansdirectly translatable to Edelgard and hubert’s relationship and it’s arguable ifI should even mention it in the same sentence as a bloody fictional character… that beingsaid, I’ve been having emotions about:Shiva – the antlers. This song specifically reads to me to be a really goodarticulation of my own thoughts about Hubert’s perspective of Edie getting experimentedon. heavy but damn. I like that. I just see a lot of what their teen years togethermust have been like in Shiva.

Time – Pink Floyd. Ok so.. it’s like Hubert in parallel bc I think thissong is a lot about searching for a purpose/reason or a quote unquote bloodyred path in life. And I may have been listening to it when I watched Hubert/DorotheaA support & now it’s just permanently associated with it bc it complementedit so well. And I like it. So . it stays. It’s very much a beagles song to meas well.

Lysithea:The Beautiful Dream – George Ezra. Ok so I read this Edelysithea ficwith this on repeat bc the title reminded me of it, and then I stuck it onrepeat because it worked too well and now.. im crying.. and i like the inflection of Lysithea’s bitterness over the titular lyric. (but also, it remains one of my steadfast edeleth songs.. sorry lys)

Secrets (Cellar Door) – Radical Face. Another Edelgard&/Lysitheasong!! I really like their relationship ok. And given the song itself can beread straight or an allegory for whatever you particularly want, but the storyis just too on the nose for me not to mention it here.(also general advocation of listening to the whole of radical face’s musicbecause I’ve loved it for years now & the work is beautiful.) (also it’swonderful for fe awakening projection. Or ur own.)

Oh Children – nick cave and the bad seeds. there’s a million different interpretations of this song, but to try nail a few onto Lysithea.. there’s the harry potter use of making/finding a light in the depths of tragedy & i love that for Lys. there’s the whole ‘the kids aren’t alright’ theme and it’s various depths. and i like narrative lyrics to plaster my large fictional-character-caused-emotions onto, so make of this one what you will.

Marianne (and Lysithea too if you like)Bad Blood – Radical Face. Ok so. This is one of my favourite songs in bloodyexistence, and it’s so loaded with meaning & it has a metric tonne of it. Icould wax lyrical about how much I love Radical Face’s work. I don’t want myinclusion of this song (specifically this one) to in any way devalue it. Butmusic is ofc incredibly subjective, and so is my reading of a lot of threehouses – in case it’s not bloody obvious by now. There’s a Lot of stories onecould take from Marianne’s character (and none of them are More Valid^tm thanany other), and I do see a very personal story in her – as I do in this song. Hgghhghive just spent 10 minutes trying to find an impersonal way to talk about twovery personal and relative stories, which naturally doesn’t work. That, and theway I read her story is Real Fucking Dicey for tumblr.com. so if this song is about accepting rejection because of parts of yourself so deep they’re in your blood, i think.. y’all can see.. where my neurodivergent gay self is going with this..

Byleth:Something to Believe In – Tom Walker. Yeah. You’re bloody welcome. If this isn’ta completely on the nose Byleth song, I’ll eat Dorothea’s hat.

Don’t Let the Man – Fatboy Slim. ~ And the sign said green-hairedpartially possessed emotionally void mercenaries need not apply for aprofessorship at the country’s most prestigious academic centre… ~

Emigrate - Novo Amor. this just fucking Got Me in the ‘actively choosing crimson flower’ feelings. im an emotional wreak but its aight. the lyrics just matched up too well for me to let it go !!!

Alps - Novo Amor. this hit me in the ‘i miss the gremlin child sothis’ feelings one day and now it’s permanently stuck that way.

Make Them Gold – chvrches. (this is very much associated with awakening’sfuture past kids and also the Carmilla series in my mind But!!) I love a story about‘if we’re all falling, we’re going down together’ and the magical power of teamwork, and how it brings out the best in people.. & that’s what this song& Byleth kinda bloody stand for ya know??

woooh.. oh my god . i need another cup of tea.

[newandbrave]

Yeo ft. Asta – Never Wanted That

Talented Melbourne artist Yeo started 2017 off by supporting HAELOS at their Falls sideshow, Harts for his national tour and Emma Louise in festival showcases (as her musical director and band member). Amongst the performer’s busyness on the road, Yeo has made time for his love of production and song writing, releasing his first single for the year “Never Wanted That.” Yeo cannot receive all the credit for this single, as the track wouldn’t have been the same without the flair of Tasmanian singer Asta, who has recently produced her EP Shine. This is the first collaboration in the lead up to Yeo’s LP Desire Path (its rumoured there are more alliances to come).

“Never Wanted That” hit the sweet spot of contemporary music, it has all the charm of a commercial song, but the substance and sincerity of a truly gifted artist. This track provides the simplicity of a pop song, with a minimal dance beat that is completed with the rhythm of a clean guitar riff, nailing what the majority of listeners want to please their ears with, something that is catchy, not too intense and still gets them grooving without that doof feeling. The singing relationship between Asta and Yeo paints the picture of an Australian Drake and Rihanna, as the duo sing together and to each other as opposed to a simple feature. This prevents listeners from questioning whether the artists have actually met and worked together as well as allowing fans to feel the real depth and emotion of the song. What removes the cheese from this track and enables the sweet spot to be hit (opposed to other pop songs) is the naturalism of the lyrics, Yeo’s wit and common, everyday language pulls down the superficiality of the single and creates a certain relatability with the audience (a trait of all great artists). This conveying of language makes the message of the song so much more true to listeners, as the track portrays the false confidence and excuses men and women put up in a relationship, due to the harsh challenges of this world.

As for the video, the sentiment continues with the setting of the visual being a presumable 1960’s or 70’s, a period that embodies freedom, love and a simplicity that has gained fascination by 21st century hippies known as hipsters. Both artists suit their characters as blonde beauty, Asta, fits every part of a revolutionary love child, whilst Yeo’s more refined, straight laced outfit provides a good contrast for a song about the challenges between two lovers on the same page but with different opinions. The charm of this video is in the props and creative orchestration of the visual, as the screen is split into two, with both artists on the same couch completing activities that involve each other (blowing bubbles, Asta puts her feet on Yeo, Yeo snatches the magazine from Asta, etc). Except these events are reversed (e.g. Asta blows bubbles at Yeo toward the end of the video, yet Yeo feels them hit his face at the start), the video ending with a removal of the split screen and revealing how both artists are sitting on the same couch.

Yeo, who has been a favoured artist of New and Brave, was kind enough to take the time out of his schedule to have a chat and provide answers to the questions we all wanted to ask.  

1. What has it been like to support Harts and Haelos and work with Emma Louise? Were they influences before your collaboration?

I knew of their work a long time before actually meeting them. I saw them perform a few times to huge crowds. They were both strong inspirations as examples of what is achievable with strong releases and a good team behind you.

2. You have said that in hindsight, you are unimpressed with your early music. What did you change to improve your song writing abilities? Or was it just your perspective on your own music?

If you're talking about the raw song writing side of things, I actually spent a while exploring folk and country music. In that genre it's all about simplicity. It's about a message or a feeling. My lyrics were very simple to start out with, and though they're still quite literal these days I hope I have learned to imply more depth. For example, instead of just singing "I went to the shop and bought a sausage roll," I'd now re-word 'shop' to 'milk-bar', say something about flaky pastry and combine it with suitable harmony and melody to convey my reasons for the excursion and how it makes me feel. In tandem, I've constantly been working on my production technique and trying to minimalize the squeeze (that is, including everything I possibly can, all the time) to leave more space for the music to breathe. I think over the years I've grown more patient with myself, as well as appreciative of what collaboration with other artists can offer.

3. You have been noted as a particularly hard working artist, tell us about your typical work habits.

I can easily spend entire days working on my songs with minimal interruptions. Sometimes I forget to eat, or find eating a nuisance. Don't get me wrong, I love eating, but when I'm on a roll doing what I love most, I forget about everything else. During the warmer months, if I have nothing planned the following day, I typically work on music in my shed until 3 or 4am in the morning, sometimes until sunrise. I've been known to start and finish a song within a weekend. Andy (my drummer) and I are pretty steadfast when it comes to rehearsing. We might arrive at the rehearsal room at 6pm, and finish around midnight, breaking once for a meal. I've been in lots of bands that take breaks often, like after setting up their instruments or after rehearsing one song. I don't look down those habits since it's important to appreciate the social aspect of music, but Andy and I know if we do the hard work now, we can relax and have fun when we're on tour because we know our shit. Vivian (my manager) and I often try and hang out as friends and we just end up planning our careers. I guess we love what we do.

4. Your multi–instrumentation is respectable, especially in today’s industry. What did you learn first and how did you go about mastering multiple instruments? What instrument is the basis for your writing?

I started with piano. I soon got bored with piano so I picked up guitar in high-school. Then at university, I realised almost everybody can play the guitar so I picked up the bass. And I fell in love with the bass. It's not as simple as that, as there are varying degrees of proficiency, but that was my literal thought process. I have written songs starting with any of the three, and every now and then a song begins with a vocal hook or a lyric. It changes almost every time.

5. Your sound has stood out in the genre of electronic music. What is your opinion on this facet of the music industry and what is your advice for progression in the Australian market?

I love electronic music because of the technical side of it. I nerd out about synthesis and breaking rules. I'll always be a songwriter at heart, rather than a "producer" that is skilled at making "beats" and "huge drops", which seems to be all the rage. The Australian market has allowed me to progress at nothing faster than a snail's pace, so I'm not sure if I'd be the right person to give advice. I'm also from a different decade (i.e. old) so there are new aspects of business I don't understand no matter how hard I try. If I had any advice, it would be to try learn as much as you can and never stop. Knowledge is power.

6. You have a diverse taste in music, who are you listening to right now and who are some local or unknown artists you really appreciate?

There's an artist from New York called Amber Mark. Her latest two singles are "Can You Hear Me?" and "Lose My Cool". They're honest songs about loss, with effective production that isn't fussy. The latter I've had on repeat, and it is perfect. It really showcases her sense of melody and expertise in structure. Lonelyspeck is a world-class writer from Adelaide. Their EP "Lave" is a display of unique production, and has a cool R&B edge which I generally look for when hunting for music.

7. You have a certain wit and humour in your writing, is that Ben Folds influenced?

Ha! I was a huge fan of Ben growing up, but I haven't listened to a song of his since my uni days. You could definitely compare our humour though. To be honest, I'm dissatisfied with the way things are on Earth. It's a great planet, and I wouldn't call anywhere else home (yet), but it's messed up in so many ways. Humour is the only way I know how to deal with things when they're messed up. Be it a shitty gig, or a clear display of unfair prejudice, or simply attempting to walk through a set of automatic doors and not being tall enough to trip the sensor, I'd rather laugh than get angry. I do get angry and spit vitriol from time to time. The processes are complex and deeply internal. They manifest in sarcastic lyrics and an eye-roll. That's me.

8. You must like working with Asta as you have reunited for “Never Wanted That.” Describe your working relationship further.

She's an incredible improviser. A solid proportion of her part in "Never Wanted That" was made up on the fly. I'm really drawn to Asta's energy, and there are layers of it, like an onion - though her talent clearly runs to the core. She's a lot calmer and sensitive on the inside than a lot of people immediately see. On the outside there's this amazing raw power. When she gets excited, everyone around her gets excited. I'm not really sure why she hangs out with me or wants to work with me, but I'm glad it's happening.

9. Your sound is so diverse that I did not know what to expect for “Never Wanted That.” What was the inspiration for this song and please outline the song writing process?

Full disclosure: I am a huge Rihanna fan, and one of the biggest songs she had last year was "Too Good", her duet with Drake. From that song I found Popcaan, and then the associated artist rabbit-hole turned into a yawning cavern. Anyhow, that influenced the production side of things. I started with the guitar, and tried to keep it simple. Then came the bass-line, and eventually drums. I structurally, I tried to do a lot with a little, creating new sections without too many changes. Lyrically, it's the same as usual. Someone was extremely rude to me. Someone was extremely rude to Asta. We got together and decided that these people are assholes and we're going to drag them. All. Day. Long.

10. What has been your greatest achievement so far and what has Yeo got in store for us in the future?

My greatest achievement would be gaining the mutual trust and respect of the people in my team. They all work hard, understand the pitfalls, keep my head above water/from expanding, motivate me when I need it most, and remind me to enjoy the fruits of labour. We're in the midst of releasing a billion singles and eventually an album in August, followed by a national tour in September. After that, I'll be keen for another album.

Facebook • Twitter • Soundcloud • Spotify

By Josh

[iathrimchronicles]

Fic: A Sunlit Promise

Title: A Sunlit Promise

Series: The Iathrim Chronicles

Author: AfricanDaisy

Canon characters: Celeborn, Galathil, Oropher

OCs: Celepharn, Neldiel, Vehiron, Baraves

Summary: A young lord discovers how rewarding it can be to break the rules, and a promise is made.  

Notes: This isn’t the very first story in the series as we won’t necessarily be posting chronologically, but we hope people enjoy it all the same!

 …………………… 

Once upon a time the young Princes of Doriath had been the most sought after ellyn in the kingdom, the greatest and most coveted prizes for any ambitious parent seeking matches for their daughters. But that was no more. Galathil and his cousin Celepharn were husbands and fathers, and all knew it was the Lady Galadriel who held Celeborn’s heart though he was Sindar and she was not. Still, that did not spare them the occasional flirtatious look or coy smile from a hopeful elleth trying her luck. They had learned to smoothly navigate such currents and manage the disillusioned few, but there was one elleth none of them could dare defy: Lady Baraves.

 If the sudden slew of hasty bows and wide-eyed curtsies hadn’t alerted them to the arrival of their mother and aunt, her familiar scent of morning glory would have as she swept through the salon with a trio of handmaidens trailing behind her. “What are you boys doing?” Lady Baraves asked by way of greeting, her silks of lavender and sky blue settling around her as she stopped by their table.

 Celepharn thought it was obvious as Galathil moved a piece of polished white marble on the Warriors board set between them. He held his tongue, and watched Celeborn rise to kiss Baraves’ cheek. “Naneth,” the older ellon greeted her smoothly. “We just came from a visit to Daeradar Elmo and Daernaneth Aerdis. We thought to have a quick Warriors tournament and hear Minstrel Lindril’s latest composition before leaving. Would you care to join us?”

 “Thank you, no,” Baraves said briefly. “Your father is attending the King. I’ve a mind to return home. I thought my sons might escort me.”

 It sounded like a suggestion, but all three ellyn knew that Baraves only ever gave commands. “I had best stay with Celepharn,” Galathil attempted. “It would be rude to leave him mid-game. You don’t want me to be rude, Naneth.”

 “You may bring him with you if you like,” Baraves offered, glancing at her nephew. “Celepharn, I trust that is acceptable.”

 Celepharn thought he had best make the effort to be gracious. He took a breath, but his aunt had turned on her heel and was already halfway across the salon, scattering a group of young lords and ladies dancing to the minstrel’s song. “You may bring him with you if you like?” Celepharn repeated, getting to his feet. “That is what I tell my children when they don’t want to leave their favourite toy at home.”

 A reluctant smile touched Celeborn’s lips, but Galathil laughed out loud as they abandoned their game of Warriors. Two minor lordlings and their hangers-on were quick to replace them at the gaming table. “I am sorry. If it’s any consolation, at least she knows you’re our favourite toy.”

 “Thanks ever so,” Celepharn replied dryly.

The three ellyn didn’t tarry, for that was never the way to respond to a summons from Lady Baraves. Even so, by the time they emerged from the caverns of Elu Thingol’s subterranean palace, Baraves was astride her silver mare wearing the expression of an elleth who had been kept waiting half a day. She clicked her tongue disapprovingly as she waited for her sons and nephew to mount up, but soon enough – though surely not soon enough for her liking – they were off. Galathil and Celepharn rode at the front, while Celeborn stayed next to his mother and sweetened her mood like only a favoured son could. The handmaidens and a couple of guards brought up the rear, each of them grateful that they had been saved from keeping their lady happy.

 They hadn’t been riding for long before the sound of a distant commotion reached their ears. Galathil stopped his horse, and Celepharn brought his to a reluctant halt as shrieks and jumbled exclamations drifted onto the path. “What is that racket about?” Baraves demanded from behind them. “Can you hear it? What is going on?”

 A less polite ellon than Celepharn would have pointed out that they couldn’t see through trees. “I’m sure it is nothing,” he said instead. “But I shall go and check to be sure.”

 “Take a guard with you,” Baraves commanded him. “Thalamir, accompany my nephew.”

 Somewhere, that less polite ellon was rolling his eyes. Celepharn settled for the tiniest of sighs that barely lifted his shoulders, and rode off the path with the guardsman at his side. As his horse picked a careful route through the bushes and trees, over a fallen log and around the holes of a rabbit warren, the disturbance that he had heard became clearer – laughter, splashing, the sound of joy. He didn’t need to hear it to know what it was. He could feel it in his heart, three distinct bonds becoming stronger and surer with every step his horse took. The young lord’s heart swelled with anticipation, and his breath caught as he emerged from the trees into a sunlit glade with a lake of sparkling silver-blue at its centre.

 He stopped at the treeline, unwilling to disturb the scene in front of him until it was committed to his memory. His usual expression of noble indifference was gone as he gazed upon his beautiful wife, clad only in a soaking wet shift that clung to her every curve, as she lifted their youngest son above her head. Celepharn watched her playfully threaten to drop the child in the water, while little Vehiron shrieked and giggled without restraint. Their eldest, fifteen coronarí old Oropher, jumped up and down in excitement, clapping his hands and begging Neldiel to let go of his baby brother so he could have his turn.

 “What’s happening, gwador? Oh…” Galathil had followed, and he tilted his head in mild interest as he stopped next to Celepharn. “That looks remarkably like your wife and heirs playing in the lake.”

 Celepharn rolled emerald eyes towards his cousin. “You are as observant as ever.”

 “Do you want to stay?”

 Yes, Celepharn longed to reply. I want to stay. I want to be with them. “Best not,” he said instead. “Your mother.”

 Galathil gave the younger ellon a smile that was both sympathetic and encouraging. “Say no more. Come back after escort duty and perhaps Neldiel will still be here with the boys. I’m sure she will be.”

 “I’m sure you are right.” The reluctant nudge that Celepharn gave his horse should have seen them turning back to the road, but the grey stallion’s ability to read his master’s moods prevailed. “Now isn’t the time to be perceptive, Aranuir,” Celepharn quietly scolded his horse, who ignored him with not even a flick of an ear. “I shall blame you if Aunt Baraves loses patience and comes to find us. Let’s go.”

 It was too late. Lady Baraves had already lost patience. She rode out from the trees with Celeborn while Celepharn was mid-argument with his horse, and irritably swatted away a branch that had dared to snag on her silken sleeve. “You may look as dismayed as you like, Celepharn, but if you insist on taking your time then you cannot be surprised when I come to make sure you are not dawdling or getting into trouble. I know what boys are like,” she said haughtily. She glared at her nephew and youngest son, but her expression turned to one of horror as she looked past them. “You said you were sure it was nothing, Celepharn. It does not look like nothing to me.”

 “Well, in the grand scheme of things,” Celepharn began.

 “No,” Baraves interrupted severely, raising a hand to silence him. “Your wife is splashing about in a lake wearing nothing more than a shift – though it is a small mercy she is wearing anything at all, knowing Neldiel as I do – whilst your heirs frolic and roll in the water as if they were common urchins. This is not acceptable behaviour, Celepharn, and you ought to be doing something about it. Are you not going to control your wife?”

 “Not really,” Celepharn said flatly.

 Galathil promptly turned a snort of laughter into a cough, and Celeborn just sighed as he resigned himself to the inevitable clash between his mother and his cousin. Lady Baraves wasn’t paying attention to either of her sons; her incredulous gaze was fixed on her nephew. “Not really?” she repeated. “What is that supposed to mean? You are Neldiel’s lord and husband. Don’t you think you ought to at least punish her?”

 “For what?”

 Diamonds sparkled in the sunlight as Baraves jabbed her finger in the direction of the lake. “For that.”

 “For what?” Celepharn asked again. He looked calmly at his aunt. There was no acceptable answer to his question; no matter how personally offended Baraves was, she couldn’t provide a legitimate reason for Neldiel to be punished. Celepharn knew that, and what was more, Baraves knew it too. She stayed coolly silent, refusing to be baited. “My wife is being a mother to our children,” Celepharn said finally. “I was unaware that such a thing is an offence.”

 “That is not the way a noble lady should be a mother,” Baraves snapped.

 “My sons seem to have no complaints,” Celepharn remarked.

 “Then what will you do? If you approve of this behaviour so very much, are you going to join them?” Baraves demanded. Her eyes narrowed as the young lord tilted his head thoughtfully. “Don’t you dare.”

 “But your suggestion was so well made, Aunt Baraves,” Celepharn replied, turning his horse toward the lake.

 He didn’t have to see the fury on his aunt’s face to know it was there. He could feel it as she pierced his back with her sapphire stare. “Your father will hear about this, and we shall see what he thinks about such conduct,” Baraves said sharply. “Lord Gwathion would never approve of you turning your back on me and riding away without so much as a by your leave. It is as though you have completely taken leave of your senses.”

 Celepharn paused and turned back. “By your leave, Aunt Baraves,” he said politely, bowing from the saddle. He didn’t wait to see her expression. He didn’t need to see it and he didn’t want to. He spared an apologetic look for his friends as he rode into the glade, and he was secretly relieved to see no disapproval on Celeborn’s face. His eldest cousin could be even more a stickler for the rules than he himself could. Galathil always had his back, but breaking protocol in Celeborn’s presence tended to carry with it some risk. Dismounting, he tethered his horse next to Neldiel’s white mare and Oropher’s little pony. He assumed that Baraves had left in disgust, for as his wife and children noticed him and came out of the water, they only had eyes for him.

 “Ada, you’re here!” Vehiron exclaimed, looking like he very much wanted to throw his arms around his father’s legs.  

 “Have you come to take us home?” Oropher asked, sounding resigned.

 Kneeling between his children, Celepharn took a small hand from each of them. He ran his thumb lightly over the tips of their fingers, smooth and unwrinkled by the water. “Well, you have not yet started turning into raisins. I think you have not played enough in the water.”

 Oropher looked doubtful. “Really?”

 ��Really,” Celepharn confirmed. “You should play some more.”

 Vehiron didn’t need to be told twice, and he ran back to the lake with an excited whoop while his elder brother smiled and followed at a somewhat more sedate pace. Splashes and laughter immediately filled the glade once more as Neldiel turned to her beloved. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

 “Nor I you.” Celepharn pulled her close, uncaring that she was soaking wet against his body. He ran the tips of his fingers from her neck down to her lower back, smiling as she shivered pleasingly. “I thought you had a gown fitting this afternoon with your mother. And what happened to Ivoniel?”

 “The couturier had to rearrange for tomorrow,” Neldiel replied. “Oh, and I fired Ivoniel.”

 Celepharn blinked. He drew back and looked down into his wife’s lovely eyes, attempting the impossible and trying to figure her out. He had known Neldiel for most of his nearly nine hundred years, and loved her for almost as long, but still she could confound him with no effort on her part. “You…fired our children’s nurse?”

 “No, silly,” Neldiel laughed. “I gave her the day off, and extra wages, and I told her to go buy herself something pretty.”

 “How generous of you,” Celepharn observed.

 Neldiel smiled sweetly. “It is good to be kind. But you haven’t been kind. How cruel of you, to hold your wife yet fail to give her even the tiniest of kisses.”

 “Oh, but of course I am so terribly cruel.” Celepharn leaned in to steal one of the kisses he loved so much. His lips had barely grazed Neldiel’s when he sensed that they weren’t alone. He opened his eyes, and the sight of an elfling standing a respectful distance away made him draw back from his wife. “What is it, Oropher?”

 “Nana told us that when you come swimming with her, you throw her in the water,” Oropher reported. “Is that true? I think you ought not to throw ellith. It’s rude.”

 “I applaud your sense of decency, hil-nín,” Celepharn said seriously, while Neldiel stifled a husky laugh with the back of her hand. He removed his cloak and unbuckled his boots, dropping them to the ground as he spoke. “You are quite right. It is entirely inappropriate to throw ellith. You must never do that. Unless, of course, you have married the elleth in question and there is an agreement between you both – spoken or not – that you may throw her into lakes.”

 “Do ellith agree to that?” Oropher asked uncertainly.

 Celepharn shed his tunic and his shirt of blue silk so he stood in just forest green leggings, and gave his son a half-smile. “Your mother did.”

 With her hands on her hips and her head cocked, Neldiel took a step back, and then another, daring Celepharn to follow. He responded to her challenge, and swept her into his arms with one deft movement that made Oropher’s eyes widen in shocked delight. In the shallows of the lake, Vehiron giggled as their father strode past with his willing prisoner squirming and wriggling in his grasp. Neldiel’s protests were only token ones. She was breathless with laughter, helpless as her husband effortlessly lifted her above the water.

 “Drop her, Ada!” Vehiron crowed, splashing his feet. “Drop Nana in the pool.”

 “I’ll get you back for this, Celepharn Gwathionchil,” Neldiel gasped.

 Celepharn smirked. “I cannot wait.”

 The boys cheered and clapped as Neldiel was summarily thrown into the water, but the moment she surfaced and sent a great splash of water at Celepharn, they switched sides and joined in. It wasn’t often that the proud young lord indulged in such playtime, so his small sons took advantage of the opportunity and he took it in good humour. He snatched up an elfling in each arm, holding them close and dunking them underwater. They emerged spluttering but howling with laughter, shaking droplets of water from their dark hair.

 Finally, Celepharn declared it time to get out of the lake. The children hesitated, but it only took a raised eyebrow from their father to make them sigh and reluctantly splash their way back to shore. “Were we starting to turn into raisins?” Oropher asked, examining his somewhat wrinkled fingertips.

 “I’m afraid so,” Celepharn replied, settling the boys together on Neldiel’s cloak. “Lie there and dry off, both of you.”

 The playtime had well and truly worn the brothers out. Their energy of moments before was replaced by yawns, and they curled themselves into balls beneath the warmth of the sun’s rays. As it lulled them to sleep, Celepharn covered them with his own cloak. Kneeling beside them, he rested one hand on Oropher’s head and the other on Vehiron’s, silent as he idly stroked their hair. He could feel Neldiel’s eyes on him, and he looked up with a small smile. “What?”

 “Nothing. I like watching you with them,” she replied, smiling back.

 Celepharn had seen that smile a thousand times, a hundred thousand times, but still it took his breath away and made him feel weak. He thought he would never stop marvelling at his wife; at her beauty, her strength, her power. He stood and went straight to her, taking her into his arms and burying his hands in her damp hair with a sigh of longing. He couldn’t be happier that he had defied his aunt to be with those he loved most, and yet…uninvited, the harsh words and callous criticisms of Lady Baraves came back to sting him. How could her vision of him and Neldiel be better than their reality, he wondered. “Will you promise me something?” he asked of his beloved. “Promise me you won’t change. Promise me that we won’t change.”

 “Many have tried to change us, and they have all failed,” Neldiel replied, her voice gentle. “Why do you ask this now?”

 “Just promise it,” Celepharn softly implored her.

 Neldiel tilted her head up and gave him a sweet kiss. “I promise.”

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 61, July 2017

On Monday morning, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. I spent the weekend replaying the events that happened on Friday over and over inside my head. I even went down the rabbit hole of possibly quitting and thought about the worst case scenario...that Luke wouldn’t want to train me again. But these thoughts were all irrational and highly unlikely. Today I reminded myself that most of my anxiety and fear is all in my head and that everything was going to be okay. Breathe. Take your time. Do your best. Be proud of your achievements. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

WARM-UP...Today I began my session by doing 3 rounds of 10 single arm rows on the bench with a 15-20kg barbell and doing some stretches with the resistance band. I didn’t really say much during this as I was concentrating really hard on doing well today. Plus I was trying to get comfortable with the awkward silence.

DEVELOPMENT...Back to the bench press, this time with 10 reps of controlled ring rows thrown in between each set of lifts. I did 5 rounds of 3 reps today. I was a little shaky at the start and found it difficult keeping the bar straight but I slowly improved over time. Luke made sure I was activating the various muscle groups whilst lifting and lowering the bar. For example, turning my feet out wide, keeping the elbows in close to my body and pulling the bar apart with my hands.

WORKOUT...Today’s workout was another tough one again. A 12 minute AMRAP which included a farmer’s carry, 20 pushups and 15 wall balls. I kept repeating a mantra to myself to keep me focused (Don’t let the mind (mental illness) win!). That’s what messed me up last Friday. But today I had it and I was determined not to give up.

Denee, Kane and Michelle were all up the other end of the green running track and acted like a cheer squad of sorts, encouraging me during the workout. It actually really helped me a lot. The push ups were easily the toughest, even doing them on my knees, but I was determined to get them done. I still need to work on catching the wall balls better but I’ll get there. The fatigue made it difficult to do decent reps. I ended up completing 3.5 rounds in total.

After my session, I actually bumped into my old high school friend Nicole who I haven’t seen in about 10 years or so. Very much a small world. It’s nice when you see familiar faces from the past and you end up crossing paths like that.

I’ve really learned a lot today in terms of my own personal development and things I still need to work on mentally and emotionally. I really took all of Luke’s feedback on board, the positive and the negative. I have to remind myself that he’s not criticising my technique or my movements to put me down or to make me feel like shit. He wants me to improve. He wants me to get better. And today it really showed. I gave it everything I had and I felt a lot better about myself because of it. https://www.facebook.com/breakawayf...

On Monday night, I had my Foundation Meditation course at Brahma Kumaris Centre for Spiritual Learning, The Peninsula in Frankston South. Being my second week at BK, I was beginning to feel a little more comfortable setting foot into the building. At least I knew where to go this time. The turnout was significantly less than last time, possibly because of the weather or perhaps Angie scared them away after last week.

Tonight, we focused on the concept of the physical body (human) being separate from the soul (being). It really took me a while to process this as I’m still very much a “fence sitter” which an open mind towards Spirituality. The being part is the spark that gives the physical body life and energy. The “third eye point”, located between the eyebrows, is where the soul sits in the body.

The next part however was even more difficult to wrap my head around, only because I’ve been brought up in a Western society. Most people see themselves from a body conscious perspective e.g. I am this age, this gender, this race. When the soul leaves the body, it goes into another body. Therefore, we are eternal beings with no ending or beginning. We have simply always existed. If I am a soul, I have original qualities including peace, love, happiness, wisdom and purity.

A popular example of what a soul actually is can be found in the film Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban where Sirius Black has his soul sucked out of his body by a dementor. We see a small, glowing white ball of light gradually floating out of his mouth and away from his lifeless body. So it’s not really a new concept as such but one that we don’t really consider very often. http://www.bkpeninsula.org.au/event...

On Tuesday morning, I had my appointment with my support worker Ally at Colourfield Cafe Casey Central. It’s been about 3-4 weeks since I last saw her so naturally we had a lot to catch up on. I talked about dealing with living alone in the house while my parents are away in Queensland for their anniversary. Feeling better about my relationship with the personal trainer and trying hard to focus more on the positives in my life. Getting excited about starting the Healthy Cooking course again next term. And about my experiences at the Van Gogh exhibition last week.

On Tuesday night, I attended my Body Combat class with Cinamon Guerin at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. In terms of technique and keeping up with the combos, tonight wasn’t my best performance of all time. However, I was still giving it 100% and doing my best to really put some power into my punches and kicks. And that’s what I try to focus on in these classes. Not all the mistakes or my negative thought patterns but the fact that I’m still trying and I’m working hard during my workout. That’s what truly matters.

It was really good to see Cinamon mixing up the track list with a variety of different songs (Klubfiller - Feel Alive, The Prodigy - Firestarter) and fighting styles from Boxing and Tae Kwon Do to Muay Thai. There were certainly some challenging movements including punching and turning in a circle which caused me to get dizzy fairly quickly. It’s all about knowing when to pull back, slow down, focus, breathe and rest. It’s not always about keeping up as it is about getting the technique and movements right and also making sure you don’t over-exert yourself by forgetting to breathe. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f...

On Thursday morning, I attended my Slow Flow yoga class with Keren Gurrieri at Now, Yoga. in Narre Warren South. I haven’t seen Keren for over a month now as she’s been travelling to Bali and was also away sick for a couple of weeks. It was really good to see her again especially with the recent announcement of the Now Yoga Retreat coming up in November. Honestly, I’m all in. This could be a really good thing for me in terms of improving my self confidence, increasing my sense of independence and being able to travel alone without feeling anxious. And of course plenty of yoga and relaxation! http://nowyoga.net.au/

In this morning’s class, we focused on deep stretches through the sides of the body as well as the legs, thighs and hips. I was feeling a little shaky today with my balance and I was sweating a lot but I just did the best I could. We did several flowing sequences including:

Flowing Sequence 1...Cat-cow pose, knee-to-nose pose with leg extensions

Flowing Sequence 2...Plank pose, chaturanga on the knees, cobra/up dog

Flowing Sequence 3...High lunge, sweeping hands, Warrior 2, back to high lunge

Pigeon Pose...http://www.active.com/health/articl...

On Thursday night, I went to a Water Workout class at YMCA Casey RACE in Cranbourne East. After dealing with some rather hurtful and negative comments on Facebook, this was exactly when I needed. Time to switch social media off and focus on myself...not arseholes who are trying to bring me down. Of course with Casey Arc still undergoing their pool renovations and it being the tail end of the school holidays, the pool was really crowded tonight but it didn’t deter me one bit.

The class was run by instructor Janine who was rocking a bright pink tank top that you couldn’t miss. She was extremely uplifting, positive and fun and I could tell that she had good energy. She was also very encouraging, telling everyone in the pool “It’s really impressive that you’ve all come out here in the middle of Winter to exercise. Well done everybody. You’re all amazing.” Even if she was trying to be flattering, I didn’t care. These were the words I needed to hear and believe in myself.

Tonight we did a mixture of different aqua aerobic movements including jogging, ski slopes, rock n’ roll, mermaid, high jumps, tuck jumps, front and side kicks. There were two other guys in the class down the far end of the pool who were goofing around and making jokes but Janine didn’t seem to mind. She was just glad that everyone was having fun and exercising. http://www.swimmingpool.com/pool-fi...

On Friday morning, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. Things could have gone really pear shaped for me this morning but thankfully they didn’t. As much as I wanted to avoid the subject, I decided to confront the elephant in the room because it was still bothering me. My big online blowup with Denee Lalouette last night. Honestly, I’d rather forgive and forget but making negative assumptions about my character is really not okay.

I couldn’t be further from being a selfish person. I care about my parents, my friends, my personal trainer, my yoga teachers, my fitness instructors, my work mates and band members. I donate to charities regularly. I support local businesses, projects and bands. So asserting that I’m a selfish person is extremely laughable to say the least. He also called me shallow and that I focus too much on the negative. Again all bullshit.

I attend regularly therapy sessions, read self-help books, meditate, write myself positive affirmations and try hard to focus on the positives aspects of my life. I have many things in my life to be grateful for...being able to still live with my parents, having a part time job, being able to afford fitness classes, having friends in my life, being a creative person, having a car and being alive.

The truth is that I’m a pacifist and a peacemaker. I want to try and get along with everyone which I know is highly unrealistic but certainly not impossible. I hate drama, conflict and confrontation. And for the most part, I really do like Denee. He has good intentions for me but last night he really crossed a line with me and I got really upset about it. If you start judging me, then I’m going to get defensive. That’s how I roll. But personally I’m sure I’ll be over it by next week.

WARM-UP...Today I started my session by doing some pigeon pose to open up the glutes, hips and thighs. Luckily, I had some practice with this yesterday (thank you Now, Yoga :P). Next I had to release my knees towards the ground whilst keeping my feet wide and my legs bend. It was pretty tough but I had the flexibility and range to do it. Finally, I had to hold a squat position whilst holding a bar over my knees. This one really tested me because my knees were starting to hurt and I had to keep focused in the moment.

DEVELOPMENT...Back to doing some weighted back squats, this time 5 rounds of 3. I was feeling so much better about my performance today. I took all of Luke’s advice on board and my form and technique have improved heaps as a result. I was lifting up to 80kg which was pretty huge for me. It wasn’t perfect but overall I was really happy with my performance today and Luke gave me some positive feedback about it too.

WORKOUT...Look, I’m the first person to admit that I don’t enjoy running but if you give me a reason to run, then I’ll do it. And I have a lot of explosive power behind it too. I had to do 5 rounds of alternate sprinting and jogging along the green running track. Luke really wanted to help improve my technique with both of these exercises such as swinging my arms, taking long strides when sprinting and shorter strides when jogging. I tried really hard to listen, learn and really aim to improve my running style. And I did it. It honestly felt great despite panting and sweating a bit but that means I’m working really hard.

"You are not weak, Harry. The dementor's affect you most of all because there are true horrors in your past, horrors your classmates couldn't scarcely imagine. You have nothing to be ashamed of." Professor Lupin to Harry Potter, Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

“But you know...Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.” Professor Dumbledore’s Welcome Speech, Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

[twiceblackvelvet]

Whose Voice Is It Anyway?

A/N; this idea randomly sprung into my head at 2 am one night and has haunted me since. so i had to try and bring it to life. enjoy. 

The white walls surrounding the closet area have become a well-known back-drop as of late. The majority of the videos created within this space usually include ridiculous dancing or lip-syncing to silly voice-overs, but today is more of a laid-back style of simply speaking to fans or anyone who happens to drop by the live stream. She gives herself a once over in the mirror and then on the screen before finally hitting the live option on her phone. 

A few people immediately join and begin spamming the comment section with emojis, a few say hello whilst others flat out say “I love you,” which earns an internal chuckle for a response. 

“Hello!” Jessica’s voice goes up a pitch with excitement seeing all of the people merrily interacting among themselves until random questions begin to pour in. “I’m at home right now, I just wanted to speak to you all, how are you guys?” 

Light slow-tempo music fills up the silence around her, not wishing for the atmosphere to be awkward as she reads the many things flying up the screen too fast for her to be able to comprehend what most of them are saying. 

“A new video? It’ll be out on Wednesday! Are you looking forward to it?” She asks after multiple people spammed about a new JessicaLand upload. A tonne of reassurances that people are indeed enjoying her content flows afterward. “I was so worried no one would watch but you all seem to like it a lot, it makes me so happy, in fact, we should probably change this!” 

She shuffles around briefly with the camera not showing her arm stretching out for the device that is playing the background music until she pulls it into view. 

“This music is too sad if we’re all in a good mood, let’s change it,” She readjusts herself upon seeing her reflection on the screen isn’t showing her face properly before speaking again. “Alexa, play happy music.” 

The Echo flashes a blue ring around the top to show it has registered her request and immediately switches to a more upbeat pop song. The lyrics evade Jessica’s mind briefly but eventually, she catches onto which song it is and sings along to some of the words whilst reading the various comments. 

“How are you guys?” She asks curiously. “Are you all taking care of yourselves?” 

A stream of responses floats up the screen at a rapid speed, some positive, a few negative, and the rest not even answering the question and instead, hurling their own back toward her. A steady conversation ensues discussing the possibility of a new album, Blanc & Eclare’s latest collection as well as what Soojung has been up to recently. 

The music playing in the background soon changes to a more doo-wop, R&B sounding melody with what Jessica thinks is a beautiful voice singing along to it. She begins to hum along with it herself mindlessly. 

“Wow, isn’t this song pretty everyone? The voice is so beautiful, I could fall asleep listening to it.” 

Her words are aimed towards no one, in particular, however, the startling response of people seemingly losing their minds after her compliment is rather confusing. Many people spam expletives, some simply repeat the word “omg” a bunch of times. Just as she’s about to ask what has caused this sudden uproar, it finally clicks when she sees her name repeated in some of the comments and her heart drops to the pit of her stomach.

Taeyeon. 

Without even realizing it, she had not only managed to sit and listen along to Taeyeon’s voice singing beautifully without noticing who it was nor did her brain recognize the signature voice of her former group-mate, but she had complimented her in front of thousands of people. The first time she’s acknowledged her existence in years and it’s by far the most embarrassing way to do so humanly possible, Jessica thinks. 

She quickly scrambles to change the song to something, anything other than what is playing, however, the damage if you wish to call it that has already been done. 

As yet another airy pop song replaces the sweet tone of Taeyeon, Jessica is frozen in place and unable to figure out what to do or say next to everyone still collectively losing their minds over this brief interaction and nod to her former life. 

Despite it being probably the worst way to move on from this blip, she decides to simply ignore it and pretend that it didn’t just happen with many witnesses who will no doubt rush to discuss it elsewhere and hopes that continuing the live will distract them from it altogether. 

It doesn’t.

The conversation between herself and fans continues for another ten minutes, though, it’s a lot more difficult to find talking points now among the sea of people simply plastering Taeyeon’s name but she manages until it all becomes a little too much. 

“I have to go now guys, but I hope you all remain well. I’ll see you all next time,” she waves goodbye to the screen and brings the live to an end with a deep sigh. 

It doesn’t take long for both Jessica and Taeyeon’s names to trend on various social platforms, in fact, it’s rather impressive how quickly the news of it spread. Some fans initially couldn’t believe that such a thing would happen and put it down to people making something up to fit their narrative. However, when someone eventually revealed they had managed to screen record most of the live including what Jessica had said about Taeyeon, any and all doubts were put to rest. 

In turn, it didn’t take much longer for news to reach Taeyeon either. 

Sitting inside the back of a small coffee shop, hidden away enough that people won’t bother her with a manager flanked on the opposite side of the table. The steam from the warm drinks is Taeyeon’s only focus, watching it swirl out of the small cup forcing her to zone out a little. 

“Taeyeon, look at this.” 

The words alone cause a rush of anxiety to build up in the pit of her stomach, even more so once he places his phone in front of her showing the trending topics page. A headline reading ‘Jessica forgets Taeyeon’s voice’ sitting atop the page. She decides to read through the article, though she mentally refuses to acknowledge it’s because she’s intrigued. Instead trying and failing to convince herself it’s just because she has no idea what it could possibly be about, and yet, it makes her sad regardless.

It’s not that Taeyeon expected Jessica to remember what her voice sounded like after so long apart, but to have her forget it completely feels painful somewhere deep down inside in a place buried long ago and forgotten. The only saving grace being that Jessica complimented her before she realized who it was she was praising. Taeyeon chuckles to herself at just how air-headed Jessica clearly can still be at times. 

The phone is quickly handed back to her manager as she scoops her own out of her jacket pocket. Her thumbs instinctively begin to type out a text message. 

“How could you possibly forget?” 

“Has it really been so long you don’t know what I sound like now?” 

“Don’t you listen to my music nowadays?” 

All of the possible things she could say to Jessica end up deleted. Her thoughts all begin to muddle into one until eventually, she closes the messages app after growing unsure of whether to bother sending her a text message after all of this time. She may not even have the same number. Instead, she hesitantly opens up Instagram, heads toward the story option, and snaps a picture of her coffee sitting atop the table. The pattern the barista managed to form being of a small heart. 

She begins to type out a small message to go along with the picture and publishes it without thinking twice. 

A few moments pass before the manager once again startles her out of her reverie. 

“Do you know that you posted this?” He turns his screen to face her with the Instagram story of her coffee pulled up on it this time, pointing towards her words clear as day below the image of the cup. 

“Yes.” is all she offers as a response and returns back to staring anywhere but at him or the phone. 

“Don’t you think it will make matters worse?” 

“It’ll be fine, it’s about time.” 

The two names continue to trend with more and more people discussing the two former group-mates except now, more specifically,  what Taeyeon’s words in response to Jessica could mean for them both. 

“Your voice is still beautiful too.” 

Jessica doesn’t see the story herself, not wishing to fall down the rabbit hole that is Taeyeon if she happens to look at the many pictures depicting her life now. However, she does see the many screenshots people tag her in for days afterward. 

She would be lying if she said it didn’t make her feel all the things and more that Taeyeon now sings about. 

Happiness.