#am I not scary cuz I’m built like your little sister?

[theartofeverything]

Anyone else ever start reading through a post about problems in gender representation or having a conversation with a friend about ways you’ve been misstreated or reading a good queer/feminist book or just existing in a seamigly safe and supportive place and you’re like “yeah, these people get it. I agree with you. We’re on the same side here” and then all of a sudden they’re just like “YEAH, MEN ARE EVIL”

And every time I feel like I’ve just been smacked in the face. Like, wow, apparently we’re not on the same side?? Apparently you think I’m evil for simply existing? Huh, where have I heard this before?

It gets real awkward in person, cuz I can’t hide my expressions for shit. So they’ll see me get very visibly offended and hurt and be like “oh no, I don’t mean you of course, haha” and I’m like “but I’m a man…?” and then they always respond with some form of “nooo, I’m talking about, you know, those anoying jocks, the real dude bro types” or “no, it’s just straight men that are disgusting” or “nah, it’s just a cis man thing. All cis men are total jerks”

And I’m like ‘oh, I see. So you’ve really just got this idea in your mind of what a “real” man is and what “real” masculinity looks like and that’s what’s so inherently evil… but it’s ok! Cuz you don’t see me as a real man anyways!’

I’m very curious about when or if I’ll cross that line in people’s minds. Would you see me as the enemy if I had enough money to buy and wear more masculine clothes? Would you see me as the enemy if I was cis passing? Would you see me as the enemy if I figured out I was only attracted to women? Will you see me as the enemy once I get surgery? Will you see me as the enemy once I start hrt and can grow muscles and a beard? Cuz apparently, twenty years from now when I’m just some middle aged white guy, if you didn’t know me, you’d assume I was the enemy then. Or maybe you’ll see me that way anyways, even if you know the battles I had to fight to be able to be a man, and the ways I too have suffered under the patriarchy. Cuz I’m a man, and MEN ARE SHIT.

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s02e12 Profiler, Profiled review - or more aptly named, the episode where I totally lose my shit over Shemar Moore/Derek Morgan/whatever the fuck he wants to name himself because this man is perfection and I think I found my soulmate and I don’t care that he’s 21 years my senior.

Episode 12 – Profiler, Profiled

Okay, okay, okay. So I’m a little bit excited about this one. I admit, I was naughty and I went a bit on IMDB and oh my god we’re getting a background story on my chocolate Adonis! Oh my god, I’m so happy I could cry.

Okay, okay. Cooling it down. Because it’s Criminal Minds, so it may just be something awful, and I really don’t want to think about that either.

Let’s see what happens.

Oh my god, Spencer just waiting on that battery holder is just the most precious thing ever! Ic an’t with Gubler! I love you! Even his high-pitched excited voice is the cutest thing ever.

Oh my god! It just went off like a rocket and hit Emily straight in the forehead!!!!!!!!!

I can’t with this show. It is so beyond amazing. I love it!

“Don’t you recognize a rocket when you see one?” Penelope, you bad, bad girl.

“It will not do you any good to argue with him.”

Hahahaha, oh my god, Emily’s excitement level is amazing.

And of course it lands at Hotchner’s feet.

“Really starting to get some distance on those.” Did Aaron Hotchner just make a joke?

Awwww! My babycakes is such a momma’s boy and he goes every year to Chicago for his mom’s birthday? I love him. I love him. I can’t stress this enough – I LOVE DEREK MORGAN!

Wait. Whose grave is Derek standing at?

Okay. Derek doing shopping with a woman is too hot.

And those guys look like trouble. Just because Derek is on red alert. Okay? Just because of that.

Desiree, listen to Derek.

Why is that guy always taking pictures of him? I mean, I’d be sweet on Derek, too, but come on. That’s a bit stalkery.

And Desiree better watch her back with this Rodney and his thugs, ugh, I hate them already.

Why is he dogging on Damian? He’s just as good as James. They’re just kids. That’s not nice.

Hey! What the hell? They’re friends, come on.

I love Derek interacting with kids. It’s the most precious thing ever.

That old guy looks awful. Ugh. I really don’t like him.

Awwww!!!! So they are half-and-half? I love them so much. He has two sisters. Turns out he can’t cook for his life. And he’s still his mom’s baby boy. I love Derek so much.

Wait. Is that a dead boy? Is that Damien? Oh my god.

Oh my god, Derek is the most thoughtful being on the planet. He got a remote starter for his momma’s car so it would be nice and warm when she steps out to get into it? Oh my god.

Oh my god, she’s already hounding on him for grandbabies? Oh that is precious.

I hate the look on that man’s face.

Wait what?

He’s gonna arrest Derek? For what? He thinks he killed Damian? What the fuck is going on here?

Oh my god, baby boy, don’t worry, everyone will come and help you. I swear it. Or I’m gonna get in there and kick some ass.

Cory Doctorow: “All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That’s in the nature of secrets.” Whoa. That just became scary. Is Derek’s past scary? I don’t want to be scared by my hunk of chocolatey goodness.

So they already called Hotch? Above Derek’s head? That’s not right.

Come on Hatch, rally the troops, and head to Illinois. Come on!

“Slept like a baby myself. Didn’t even wanna get out of bed.” “Really. So that wasn’t your donut-eatin’ ass on the other side of that glass all night, then, huh?” oh Derek, I love you so much, but you need to be careful.

Also, apparently him and Gordinski go way back to Derek’s youth? Was Derek a bad boy that had to be punished? Oh boy.

So that’s the guy who’s been following Derek? Damn.

What. He gave the kid a ride home and he was killed? Oh shit.

They think he killed Damien? No!

God, I hate Gordinski already.

What? A profile Gideon put together led Gordinski to Morgan? No. No.

Oh my god, so by just being an amazing person, Morgan accidentally put himself directly as the main suspect for the profile that Gideon put together for Gordinski? I knew I hated that fat old white man.

Wait. So he saw his father dead at the age of ten? Oh my baby boy! I love you so much!

And he just stumbled on the dead body, my poor baby.

He collected money to bury the kid. And he just put the date on the headstone cuz he never knew who he was. And every time he comes home to Chicago he visits him. Damn.

Hold up, let’s do math. Derek was 15 in 1991. It’s 2006 when this episode airs. Quick math here. They made Derek six years younger than Shemar. He’s 30 now, in season 2, I mean. Dang.

Oh god, he had a criminal record? Oh my baby.

And this Gordinski is definitely desperate to nail Derek’s ass to the wall. And I wish that was a fun way to describe him being hot for him.

“Okey-doke,” oh Emily, I love you so very much.

Aaron Hotchner just called Morgan a suspect. No. Uh-uh. Not happening. Not on my watch. Clean that mouth, Hotch.

Wait. It was expunged. Derek is right. Hotchner had no right to bring it to him and start accusing him. Scratch that, Gordinski had no right to bring this to Hotch or Gideon.

Victimology? Are you kidding me? Check your mouth, Hotch.

Oh wow. Shemar is the most amazing actor ever! He just went into panic mode. And I love him so much. I love Derek, I love Shemar, I love those guys for making this series and hiring him.

Hey, Sarah, no need to use that language in Momma Morgan’s house, kay?

Reid, you’re not helping the case here. Just shut the fuck up.

“He’s not actually saying we believe Derek’s involved in this.” Emily to the rescue. Lol. And Reid’s like, totally backpedaling and going – “speaking theoretically.” Oh my god, I love those two.

Aw! Derek talks about him? Baby!!!!!

Ooh, Sarah is feisty. I love her.

Okay, I feel bad about poking into Derek’s life, too, Garcia, but if you don’t do this, he’s going away, and we can’t have that, now can we, baby girl? Aw, he graduated college with honors, he was a star athlete, injured his knee, wait, I thought Shemar injured it in baseball? Maybe they changed Derek’s story. I don’t know. And then there’s the whole bit on finding the body in 1991. Yikes.

Wait. Derek’s dad tried to stop a robbery, was shot, and Derek was with him, and watched him die? What? What the actual fucking fuck? Oh my poor baby, I love you for evermore.

Carl Buford? He runs the youth center. Mentored Derek. Hmm. I’m suspicious.

Oh Garcia, you special precious snowflake. Unseal the file, you are trying to help angel fish, okay? Helping him.

Hold up, the guy who recommended that the case be thrown out of court, an upstanding member of the community, on whose recommendation Derek’s files have been expunged, has just walked into the CPD with Damien’s mother? Well, that’s a coincidence.

Good. Gideon told Morgan the truth. Great. But Gordinski had preconception of guilt. Ugh.

I’m totally with Derek. When you work with people so much and you’re practically living in each other’s asses with how close you have to be to each other, the one thing you’re desperate for is a private life. I’m totally in agreement. Find the fucker who killed Damien and those other boys and lock him the fuck up.

Wow, Buford’s office is pretty decorated. Yikes.

Aww, James is so cute!

So after hearing about Derek, they just take the detective’s word for it, and he feels terrible about helping him get those files expunged? Buford, you are one asshole.

So this Gordinski asshole is telling everyone that he has multiple evidence to convict Derek, even though there is none, and they just take his word for it. You sick, sad, fat, asshole. I’m fat, too, but this is about hate. Okay? I spent the last month or so falling in love with Derek, with his incredible character that this show has built, and now this asshole is coming in and trying to take it all away from me, I want to tear him piece by piece, till I get down to his very core and just take a steak knife and stab him in wherever it hurts, but still keep everything that makes him feel working so he can feel it.

Oh my god, I am so sorry you guys! That last phrase was totally out of line. I know Derek is a fictional character, but I get emotionally attached to Shemar in whatever he does. And I guess it got to me more than I thought. I’m sorry!

“Derek had a way of charming people into looking past his deficiencies.”

Okay, that’s enough. It’s official. I hate Carl Buford. Derek is perfect! Okay? Even his deficiencies are perfect, and you can go rot in hell, you sad, twisted old man. I bet you had everything to do with this and I can’t wait to find out what you did. You ASSHOLE!

Oh shit. I’m sorry again! Fuck. What is wrong with me?

Oh my freaking goodness. Derek’s terrified face when he heard Carl’s name. I KNEW IT! Shit. I am going to stab that little … oh my god! Here I go again! What the fuck! Oh my god, Criminal Minds has totally twisted with my brain, just because they hired this perfect chocolate bonbon that I just want to … okay, this is gonna escalate into something NSFR (Not Suitable For Reading) real quick if I don’t get a grip on myself.

11 minutes till the episode ends. *Deep breaths* I can do this.

I am seriously scared right now. How the hell did that name get Derek so worked up? Damn.

Wait what? Derek escaped? Oh damn.

So now he’s an escaped convict. Fuck.

Sneaky Morgan is hot.

Wait. Buford took him on trips? Oh no. Oh no. Please no.

Oh shit. He took all the star players to a cabin. Up in Wisconsin. For ‘fishing’. Oh honey, no, no, no.

Shit. Buford fucking molested Derek as a kid? Oh my god, my baby! I am going to kill that fucking Carl and shove my fist so far up his ass….

Oh god. Shemar is such an amazing actor, I can’t even deal with all of those emotions I’m having right now.

Carl, you fucking bastard. Please let Derek at him.

Oh my god, Derek is about to cry, and he’s crying, and I can’t handle this! I can’t! oh shit. This is the one thing I thought I’d never have to see, and I love him and I can’t handle watching people I love cry.

“You could have said no.” Really? Really Carl? You are going down. And I am not even sorry for seeing this.

I love you Shemar, Derek, whoever, both of you. Oh my god.

Oh my god, that last scene at the graveyard nearly broke me. So beautiful.

 PAH.

Okay, had to get that out, sorry. This episode was just one emotional roller coaster, and I fucking hate those shitty things, what pleasure can you derive from going against gravity’s will and just hanging upside down in mid-air strapped to something that could just as easily let you escape and fall and plummet to death?

So. We found out more about Derek’s past, and sure, it’s dark as his delicious lickable skin, but it just makes me love his character even more! I love him so fucking much! He’s a family man, a good man, and I love him forever. Now. Let’s talk about Shemar fucking Moore for just one hot damn second. This is probably the best fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my entire damn life. What the fuck do they teach them in California in acting school? Cuz hot damn! He just had me emotionally involved with just his expressive eyes and his facial expressions and his yummy body and just … everything. But maybe that’s me, cuz I get attached to the eyes quickly. That’s why I fell in love with Darren Criss in season 2 episode 16 of Glee when Blaine finally realized he was in love with Kurt. But that’s beside the point. My whole point is – I LOVE THIS SHOW AND I LOVE SHEMAR AND I LOVE DEREK AND I LOVE THIS AMAZING THING THAT I FOUND ABOUT THROUGH MY BROTHER AND I WANT TO THANK HIM FOR ETERNITY AND I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THE OTHER EPISODES AND SEASONS HAVE IN STORE.

Till next time XD <3