#am I naive MAYBE. but I’ve never been fucked with so I’m not going to act like I’m about to be for no reason. especially to COPS!!!

[oldtestleper]

cops pulled up alongside me on my late night 2.5 min walk home from studio to tell me to be careful because there’s “a lot going on with some kids up there.” not the direction I’m going in + the most valuable thing on me is a phone with a screen so cracked you can see inside of it + idgaf what some kids are doing. what are they gonna do beat me up? I’ve been punched out by a 15yo delinquent before and lived to tell the tale. fuck off. disturbing my otherwise perfectly quiet walk home and tainting my also perfectly quiet nightly 1.5hr sit on the fire escape w unnecessary vigilance

[underskz]

➪ LET'S SEE WHO HURTS THE OTHER MORE

➪ seo changbin x cisfem!reader ✩ w.c 3.2k (➪ cheater!choi yeonjun x same reader) — NSFW ✩ 18+ minors dni —

✰ NON-IDOL AU

pov: sick of your boyfriend's lies and infidelity, you've finally decided on your parting gift to both him and yourself...in the form of one of his best friends.

note: uhh i rlly can't explain myself on this one,, i've been listening to too many sad songs and my brain said write a cheating revenge plot fic and write it now >:) so here i am uhhh, going for it... sorry yeonjun ! (i'm not rlly that sorry lmao) also has anyone else noticed that i keep writing for 99s idols,,, even tho they’re not my biases… anywayz the title is from war by keshi lol

warnings: CHEATING like all around everyone's a cheater (except changbin but he's willingly sleeping w his bestie's gf so...), and isn't reader entitled to this 100% valid crash out ?? (i'm kidding...or am i???), toxic relationship, toxic behavior, unsafe sex (no condoms), spit (and a dream) as lube, bad language, slight manipulation from reader but changbin lets it happen lmao (might be a lil into it even), yeonjun is the worst in this….but it’s for the plot!!! i swear !!!!, open/ambiguous ending, excessive use of ellipses bc im dramatic :)

“I’m sorry.”

At least Changbin has the decency to look ashamed, the guilt of covering up for his friend’s transgressions clearly having eaten away at him. He keeps his head low, intent on pretending one of the cracks on the kitchen tiles requires all his attention. 

For a moment you consider throwing him out, screaming at him to never come back and to tell Yeonjun to fuck himself into the next century. 

There’s a part of you that wants to blame Changbin, because if he was gonna turn around and confess Yeonjun’s infidelity anyway, why didn’t he stop him? 

Instead you inhale slowly, exhaling as evenly as you possibly can and swallow down the venom building on the tip of your tongue.

“It’s okay, Bin.” And his head finally snaps up, shocked by your lack of surprise and borderline disinterest. Again you swallow back any scathing comments, a certain numbness swirls through your chest as a dull throbbing in the back of your skull threatens a headache.

“W-What?” He dares to meet your eyes for a second before pinning his gaze somewhere over your shoulder.

“I know, I mean I’ve known. And I know it wasn’t a one time thing.” You sigh, and a part of you wishes that your boyfriend hadn’t trapped his friends in his lies as well. 

“You knew Yeonjun was…” He clears his throat harshly.

“Cheating? Yeah, and I guess he hasn't really considered stopping, or at least being subtle about it. And after all those fights and promises to change..I don’t even know what I see in him.” It’s the truth, still unsure why you’ve bothered plodding along in this relationship after catching Yeonjun stepping out on you almost four months ago. 

You had found him in the alleyway of a club after he drunkenly called begging for you to come pick him up, only to see him wrapped up in a disgusting lip lock with some other woman with his hands shamelessly wandering. 

He hadn’t even apologized, just mumbled over and over again about how he was so drunk, how he thought it was you. At the time you chose to believe it, at the time you still loved him.

But now it’s different, now you’re left wondering how much more you can take, or why you can’t just end it.

Maybe it’s a fear of loneliness, or the pains of having to untangle your life from his after spending almost four years tying them together. Whatever it is, the strings have finally begun to fray, and the last remnants of that naive thought of him changing disappeared the moment Changbin stepped foot into your apartment with that kicked puppy look to him.

And now here you are, staring at your boyfriend’s proclaimed “ride or die”, in all honesty if you were to expect any of Yeonjun’s friends to fess up to the man’s wrongs for him, Changbin wouldn’t have been your first guess. He might be principled and righteous to a fault, but this is a man who would help Yeonjun hide a body no questions asked; morals be damned. 

You wonder what the tipping point was, wonder what Yeonjun could’ve done this time around that made Changbin force himself to make that choice. 

“How long?” You purse your lips, because even then you had doubted it was the first time, Yeonjun’s lies losing their efficacy somewhere between the third and fourth time you caught him fabricating his whereabouts— and who he was with.

“Um, well.” His eyes begin darting around once more. 

“The least you can do is be honest with me…he hasn’t been.” You cross your arms in a poor attempt of trying to brace yourself for whatever Changbin will say. Though your feelings for Yeonjun are practically nonexistent at this point, it wouldn’t make finding out more about his betrayal hurt any less.

“I think the first time was, ah well, it was…” You watch as he clenches and unclenches his fist, clearly conflicted, the morally righteous side barely able to push past his fierce loyalty to his friend. 

“Changbin, please.” You sigh, teeth digging into your bottom lip while making your eyes wide just so they’ll begin to water. If Changbin needs you to look like the heartbroken girlfriend to find his voice then so be it.

“Last year, when you were back visiting family…Wooyoung had this party and…”

His words seem to fade away, whisking through one ear and out the other. A year, an entire year of him lying to your face. You feel sick, used up and disgusted at the way you’ve been played like a damn fiddle. Like you’ve meant nothing to him and that all those years you spent in love with him— completely wasted.

Your knees start to buckle, a weak and nauseating feeling twisting in your stomach and Changbin in all his gentlemanly glory quickly catches you, dragging you into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I should’ve said something earlier.” His voice cracks, as if he’s the one who’s so despicably wronged you, and you could laugh. It shouldn't be Changbin here with his arms around you, apologizing like his life depends on it. "I-Is there anything I can do?"

It's said so softly you almost don't catch it, and the thought that bursts into your head is so sudden —and rather devious— that it almost doesn't feel like yours. You decide to blame Yeonjun for whatever happens next.

Because there’s a lot that Changbin can do.

"Just...keep holding me." The words come out shakier than you expected, thankful for how tightly he’s holding you, keeping you from falling apart completely. You try to breath slowly, deep inhales and exhales that fill your senses with Changbin’s cologne, the warmth radiating off of him soothing your nerves.

"Yeah, uh, okay...yeah I can do that." He inhales sharply. "Do you wanna sit?"

"Sure." The affirmation coming out as a defeated sigh. And carefully, as if he knows you'll shatter at any moment— he guides you to the couch, letting you sit before settling beside you and slinging an arm around your shoulders.

You let your head fall back, resting upon a firm bicep as you try to make sense of the last few minutes. You consider your options, debating on just how far you’re willing to go in the name of revenge. 

It's not fair to drag Changbin further into this, not when Yeonjun has already done a fine job of testing his friend's moral compass— but at the same time the man has been complicit in these lies for a year, looking you in the eyes and laughing with you as if there was nothing amiss. Maybe Yeonjun wasn't the only one who needed to suffer consequences.

But if anything, in some twisted way, this could be a reward for Changbin’s honesty, a thank you and even a favor done for you as a proper apology.

So you inch closer, moving until you're practically seated in Changbin's lap while you wrap your arms around his waist and bury your face into the crook of his neck, stilling as he stiffens in your hold. 

For a moment you wonder if you moved too fast. But not even a second later he relaxes, tightening the arm that's already around your shoulders and bringing up his other to run his hand comfortingly up and down your back. 

You let yourself melt into him, a tight coil in your chest starting to unravel. It's concerning how safe you feel, seated in the lap of your cheating boyfriend's best friend, maybe your sense of right and wrong and love and affection has been all screwed up courtesy of one Choi Yeonjun.

Yet you’re only allowed to revel in this moment for what feels like only a few minutes, too distracted by the warmth to even think of your next move, of how far you'll go.

Changbin starts to shift under you, his hands retracting and you can't help the needy whine that sounds in your throat. You could care less if it sounds desperate, you're vulnerable after all.

"Bin please, you said you'd hold me."

"I should go." His voice is hoarse, and you pull back just enough to see his eyes darting back between you and the door. "Didn't you say Yeonjun was coming by later?"

"I said he might." And Yeonjun said he would, but you doubted it, these days his promises fell through more often than not. "Who knows anymore, he's probably fucking some other bitch or looking for one." 

He frowns at that, and you're unsure if it's your harshness or disappointment over the fact you're most likely right.

"It's just that, I don't think...we should…I should go." He makes a weak attempt to push you off of him, stopping the moment you grab his wrists.

"But I don't want you to." Immediately releasing your hold on him, his hands hover, unsure of whether or not to drop them or to continue holding you.

"Yeonjun is, he's still my friend..." Changbin says carefully.

"And I'm not?" It's not like the two of you met because of Yeonjun, in fact you met Yeonjun through Changbin and a few other mutual friends back during university. But maybe that's what was making him so unsure, the social repercussions. The risk of everything falling apart as if Yeonjun didn’t create this. "I mean...I guess if you really wanna go Bin, I won't...force you to stay."

And slowly you let your eyes crawl up, peering through your lashes as you worry your bottom lip with your teeth before soothing it with your tongue. With a sharp inhale he follows the movement with his eyes, one of his hands thoughtlessly landing on your thigh. 

"We shouldn't." His fingers tighten for half a second, eyes darkening by a fraction. 

"Shouldn't what? We're not doing anything?" You lean in closer, and closer, until your lips are a measly inch away from each other. "Unless you think we should be?" 

He swears under his breath, your name following closely before he seals his lips against yours. And maybe a touch too desperately you scramble to rearrange yourself in his lap, moving until you're straddling his thick thighs and gripping onto his muscled shoulders.

"This is, it’s wrong?" There’s a strain in his words; but it’s barely a question, and one posed more for himself than you.

"You're comforting me, you're being a good friend and comforting me." You drag your lips across his jaw, trying not to grin as he tightly grips at your hips. "I'm hurting, make me feel better?"

"Are you sure?" You meet his gaze, the intention of not wanting to take advantage of your supposed vulnerable state clear in his eyes, because Changbin is (to some degree) a decent man.

"I need you." You keep your voice low, running your hands down his chest before dragging one up to run your fingers through his hair. "Please?"

You tilt your head, watching as he swallows down whatever reservations he has. He looks over you carefully, leaving you to try to not squirm under an unfamiliar intensity in his eyes.

"Fuck, okay yeah I've got you." His fingers slip under the hem of your shirt, a gravelly tone overtaking his words. “I’ll make you feel better, the best.” 

And maybe he’s thought about it before, whether it was before you and Yeonjun started your (now regrettable) relationship, or if this was something he had been holding close, a secret that would’ve torn him and Yeonjun’s friendship apart– maybe it’s why he barely put up a fight. 

His lips are back on yours, still tentative and a little stiff but you didn’t mind, if anything your ministrations are a mirror image. Unlike some people, you’ve been loyal in your relationship and the nerves of kissing someone new after all this time was beginning to ricochet through your body, your heartbeat turning into a frantic staccato.

“Bin.” You rasp, not sure what you’re trying to say or maybe ask.

“I told you, I’ve got you.” He tugs off his hoodie then shirt before pulling off yours, goosebumps chasing after where his hands trail along your exposed skin. He manages to make quick work of your clothes, stopping you from helping in any way and allowing you to admire the way his muscles jump and move as he undresses you.

He keeps you in his lap, now stripped bare while he sits in his gray sweats with a less than conspicuous tent forming in them. You feel your mouth dry with anticipation, with nerves.

“Kiss me.” And he obeys, licking into your mouth eagerly, whatever hesitation held before long gone. It’s easy falling into Changbin’s ministrations, soothing in a way you can’t explain, and most of all, thrilling to be so craved. 

You press yourself against him, unable to stifle the shiver at the sensation of heated skin against heated skin, delighting in the way he kneads his calloused fingers up your thighs. Your mind races with anticipation, trying not to let the fact it’s been weeks, maybe closer to months since you’ve gotten any action.

Before you can even register it, he’s pushing you away, maneuvering you until your back is against his chest and your legs are forced to fall apart as they land on either side of his.

“Better this way.” He grunts, a hand coming up to cup at your breast while the other drags up your inner thigh. 

“Changbin.” You snake a hand back until you're gripping the back of his head, dragging him forward enough to catch his bottom lip with your teeth. “Hurry.”

Mercifully he wastes no time, bringing thick fingers up to your mouth and obediently your lips fall open. Pinning your gaze to his you make a show of flattening your tongue against his digits and dragging the muscle upwards oh so slowly. 

“Fucking, you-”

He interrupts himself, lips diving forward to meet yours, his tongue shoving into your mouth with reckless abandon. He swallows down each and every little moan and whine he draws out of you.

But with far more finesse his fingers press against your entrance, deftly circling and coaxing. At long last, he presses a single digit inside of you, slowly yet insistent; he’s surprisingly attentive, waiting for and listening to each demand of your body as he explores you so languidly.

“Faster, faster.” You’re not above begging, not here and definitely not now, bucking your hips to try and make him hear your pleas.

His other arm snakes around your waist, tightening just enough to keep you flush against him and barely able to move. 

“Let me take care of you.” He chases the words with a peck to your cheek and It’s startlingly nice, the words and affection almost unfamiliar. Maybe your relationship has long since fizzled out, unable to remember the last time someone had been this gentle and mindful during sex.

If you didn’t know better you’d think Changbin might be in love with you.

The thought melts away the moment he pushes two of his fingers into you, gasping at the sudden stretch but thankful for him picking up the pace.

You feel like putty in his hands, enjoying the tension in your shoulders being replaced by that telltale tension deep in your belly. Each drag of his fingers has you melting further into him, letting yourself be consumed as you sigh his name. 

Annoyingly he retracts his fingers, placating the whine in your throat with a quick kiss to your pulsepoint. He helps you shift in his lap, until you’re facing each other once more and you’re left trying not to melt under his fiery gaze.

Your eyes flutter down his chest, until you’re looking directly at the now blatant tent in his sweats. You bite back a groan.

“Oh.” You move to straddle him properly, adjusting so there’s just enough room between your bodies that you can hook your fingers into the waistband of his pants and with a little assistance you manage to free his cock from the cotton confines.

You hook your nails into the meat of his shoulder, grinning when he winces as your other hand comes down to press his cock against your dripping cunt. 

“Shit, hold on, condom?” He looks a little sad to ask, likely annoyed by the extra step.

“No, m’clean I got tested…haven’t even, oh!” He nips at your throat. “…Haven’t let him touch me, you?”

“I’m good.” And you trust him, despite it all you don’t mind trusting Changbin. Besides, there’s plenty of things you’re regretting right now, what’s another for down the road? Though you highly doubt you’ll regret anything and everything Changbin could do to you.

“C’mon then pretty, ride me.” He brings his hands under the backs of your thighs, offering support but making no move to help you any further.

You tease your hole against the head of his cock, tongue caught between your teeth as you slowly begin to sink down. A stifling heat starts to curl through you, searing through your limbs and cutting across your face and building a sweat across your brow.

“Fuck! You’re so fuckin’ big, ah!” And maybe while Yeonjun beats Changbin out in length, he can’t begin to compare in girth.

The moment you’re fully seated on his cock you take a second to come to terms with the fact you're being split in two, the thickness unprecedented and dizzying and it takes every fiber of your being to not cum immediately. You squeeze your eyes shut, the hand settled on his shoulder tightening until your knuckles go white. 

Changbin takes this as an invitation to pepper kisses along your chest, letting his teeth graze along your shoulder and tongue dance across your throat. You find yourself relaxing under his attention, embarrassingly soothed in a few measly seconds by his lips against your skin. 

“Sexy.” He has the audacity to wink at you, and a weak chuckle escapes you as you wiggle your hips just enough to force a choked moan out of the both of you.

But it’s enough to have you brace yourself, not wanting to waste anymore time, hands coming down to grip at his solid forearms to bring yourself up an inch and sink back down. It sends a shock up your spine and you repeat the motion, again and again. 

You gather your energy, testing your leg strength today and properly starting to bounce on his cock, letting wanton moans and desperate whines fall freely from your lips.

“S’good, so damn good for me.” He grinds out. “You like fucking me more? Huh?”

You're hypnotized by the look in his eyes, always fascinated by the way that Changbin has always been candid with his emotions, how easy he can be to read when he puts down his shields. And now you have a front row view to a smoldering lust burning bright in those brown eyes, leaving you to wonder if it’s always been there. 

“Yes, yes, yes.” You tug at his arms, silently begging for more, until his hands move to grip at your waist. “It’s better, better with y-you, Bin.”

“He’s so damn stupid, you’re so fuckin’ perfect, baby.” Ruthlessly he quickens the pace, forcing you towards the edge. Your vision starts to go a little fuzzy, that unmistakable tightness coiling in your belly becoming almost unbearable. 

“O-Oh fuck, Changbin!” Pleasure tears through you, a few borderline painful steps past mindblowing and you wonder if you passed out for a second. 

Faintly you hear the telltale click of the front door opening. 

[doiliedaze]

Thin Ice: part one

Hockey! Vi x reader

Warnings: none in this part

Genre: fluff, angst

A/N: okay!! so this is my attempt in starting a series about hockey Vi based on this dream I had months and the Sailor Song by Gigi Perez and Moments by MOIO okay so wish me luck!! also none of my fics are truly edited I just re-read them till I can’t and pray my grammar is good. Reader is kinda naive/one track minded and very insecure in this. I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HOCKEY SO BARE WITH ME!!

2

───────┈ · ·

I’ve been skating since I was a little girl. It was the only place I could call home. Skating was the only place I was finally the smartest and brightest in the room since I was perceived otherwise academically…and I do lack a bit in the common sense area.

They say there’s a zone we enter when we’re aligning our energy with the activity we love. My alignment is when I soar through the air, or just don’t fall flat on my ass. I was heading to the rink when I was stopped.

“What are you doing here cupcake?”

When my eyes focus on her I was taken aback as I try to quickly study her. Why was my roommate here? “You know I practice here.” I state as I lace up.

She chuckled as she looks me up in down. I’m in a black bodysuit covered by a pink skirt and leg warmers over my matching pink skates, my coily hair put into a bun by a bow. “The practice is reserved for the hockey team. Did you not see the schedule posted outside?” She says with a small smile, I tilt my head “they changed the schedule?” Her smile flatters a bit and twitches as she points to the wall. I make an “o” shape with my mouth putting the pieces together. She pats my shoulders and skates away. In reparations of me fucking up I stay and watch.

Our college; Piltover university offers an array of extracurricular activities and in my three years of being here I’ve never known of this damn schedule changing!

Number 6, is an interesting player and my roommate. She brings an obvious aggression that the sport needs but she’s so swift and fast. I don’t know much about hockey but I do know she just scored so I might as well cheer for her right? Wrong! Getting stared at with the small but big enough snickers for me was enough to make me wanna to shrink and crawl into a hole and dissolve into a sunflower seed and sprout- well you get the point. This pushes me to attempt a swift exit.

When making my hurried exit she skates to the edge and whistles at me to get my attention. “Don’t leave, I appreciate having a personal cheerleader.” Her plump lips growing into a wolf-ish grin as she stares me down, always wanting a reaction. “Well I’m not a cheerleader I’m an ice skater! No disrespect to cheerleaders though I mean that takes a lot of courage, I know I could never-”

“It wasn’t a diss cupcake.” She stated before winking and skating away.

My face has never felt this hot before! Today is the day of utter shame and cruel unusual punishment. Now I have to figure out a new place to skate because I refuse to make the same mistake again…or read the time sheet next time who knows!

I make a routine out of avoiding the rink around 5-8 so I go during the wee hours of the morning. Kinda killing my sleeping schedule but hey pride am I right?

I don’t skate to be on a team, I prefer to be by myself and skate for me. It gets lonely sure but no one has ever supported me in doing this. All the slick comments of “oh why not be a majorette? On a step team? Why’d you stop stepping? You wanna be any race but black! Blah blah blah!” Don’t get me wrong those are beautiful activities in my culture but black girls can be everything and more at once. When I stepped it was fun and I could feel the unity but the feeling skating gave me made me feel like the most beautiful and the closest to my blackness. So when it came down to picking what I really wanted I chose skating, and been on my own since, because girls like me don’t belong here. Proving people wrong has been my biggest motivation, maybe I’m being a hard-ass but I don’t care; it feels good when I do it in the end.

This routine I was practicing was more than difficult…axels hate me and I hate axels but I’m trying to land a quadruple axel.

My mind relaxes as my chest thumps, today feels like the day…something I tell myself a lot. My momentum pushed as “Pearls” by Sade plays. I push off my left leg to project myself into the air. One…two…three…four-ish? My spin wasn’t complete and my landing was shaky, but I can try again. So I tried again and again! Frustrated I push myself, my skates cutting deep as I try to gain speed. Leaping into the air I spin one…two…three…four times! However I land flat on my ass. “Fuck!” I yell and I cover my face and I can’t control the wobble in my lip when I hear claps.

“And here I thought you were sneaking out to do something cool.” Vi states as she carefully glides over.

“I don’t need that right now.” I mutter, “company?” She lays on the ice with me.

Vi and I’s relationship is complicated. When we met in freshman year we hooked up then we ghosted each other. Sophomore year we both joined the literature club and gained a true friendship with a side of fucking whenever we’re both single. Now junior year I just feel distant with her.

She rubbed my cheek, “you don’t talk to me anymore.” I move from her touch…wishing I didn’t, I know reaching out is hard for her. “I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry do better” she stood up shoving her hands in her pockets. “C’mon we’re going out.” I know not to argue so I oblige.

“The library?” I scoff in a whisper, “we are English majors.” She nudges me with her shoulder and I nudge her back.

We find a cozy nook and read our respective books. The two of us haven’t hung out in so long. I didn’t realize how much I missed her. I take her book. “Hey!” She reaches over me. Her pale blue eyes stare into my dark brown eyes. A soft blush spreads over her freckled cheeks and her eyebrows soften. “I miss you” we both whisper then laugh. Vi moves from me and takes my hand.

I’ve never been the type of person to be comfortable around others, wanting to be apart of a team but with Vi…I want to try everything.

───────┈ · ·

A/N: im so excited to start this series!! I wanted to challenge myself and I hope you guys enjoy <3

(Dividers by @dollywons)

[megamett44-lover]

Matt Sturniolo x Reader

Summary: In which Y/N is tired of being the only one fighting for their relationship

Warnings/Notes: Use of Y/N, mention of sex, toxic relationship

Requested? No!

Know It’s For The Better

“I can’t keep doing this.” I mutter, throwing my hands up in defeat.

“Doing what, Y/N?” Matt harshly questions, following closely behind me.

“Don’t play stupid.” I say. Turning to look at the man I’ve loved for the past three years. “Matt, seriously, just stop.”

“Stop what?” Matt practically screams. “I don’t know what you want from me!”

“You never have.” I scoff, slapping my arms down at my sides. “Three years, Matt! Three fucking years, I have stood by you. I have forgiven you. I have loved you. I can’t keep doing this!”

This was a long time coming. Matt and I had been high school sweethearts and I genuinely thought I was going to marry him. I guess I had always been too lovesick, or maybe naive, to realize our futures were never made to be intertwined.

“I don’t understand!” Matt says. “Why won’t you just talk to me?”

I laugh. “Talk to you? TALK TO YOU?!” I roll my eyes. “That’s all I ever do, I am constantly explaining things to you. Sure, you hear what I’m saying, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I agreed to be your girlfriend, not your mother.”

I had been so proud of Matt and his brothers when their YouTube channel took off. I was their number one supporter; flying to L.A. with them, helping them move, helping them with video ideas, I was there for all of it. But it seemed like Matt was the one who couldn’t be there for me. Our relationship had taken a backseat while he focused on his career.

“Please, help me fix this.” Matt mutters. “I can’t do this without you. I need you.”

“You haven’t needed me for a long time, Matthew.” I whisper. In fact, he’d been so absorbed in his career that he hadn’t noticed me slowly pulling away, untangling the roots I had laid within his life.

“All we ever do is fight.” I say. “We fight, we fuck, you promise you’ll be better and I stay, only to repeat this vicious cycle the next week. I will not cling to a false God anymore, Matt. I can’t do it. I don’t deserve this, and neither do you.”

“Don’t do this, Y/N.” Matt pleads, taking my hand. “I love you.”

“And I love you.” I admit truthfully. “That’s why I need to let you go. You deserve the world, Matt Sturniolo. And I hope one day, while you’re trying to get it, you realize you had someone who was ready to hand it to you on a silver platter.”

I pull my hand away from his as I turn around to leave, fighting the sting of the tears welling in my eyes.

“I will always love you, Y/N.” I hear Matt say behind me. “And I will wait forever for you if I have to. I will always be yours.”

Drawing a deep breath, I manage to move my feet down the stairs to the front door. Grabbing the handle, I feel the weight of my actions bear down upon my soul as I leave the only life I have known for three years. The weight on my chest crushes me as I walk out of the door, knowing what I did was for the better.

Part 2…?

Loosely inspired by my toxic relationship lolololol but…ANYWAYS! I am SO back! Send me requests pookies:)

[casanovawrites]

random sentence prompts  ━ from various tv shows, part 6

you saw me as someone worth saving.

i didn’t want what happened to change the way you saw me.

we’re gonna get through this. we kind of have to.

sometimes our mistakes follow us.

in fact, i did not start out a bad person.

glory’s fine. revenge is more fun.

as usual, i make the wrong decision.

i was scared. i’m just tired of being scared. 

all that rage is bad for your complexion. 

you are so sweet and naive and dumb.

curious. how many more rock bottoms are you going to have to hit before you start taking care of yourself?

i used to think a lot of shit matters.

talking makes things real. and real things end.

i wanted to be a part of your world. but i didn’t know your world was like this. 

i’m so sick of people telling me who i am.

the guilt of it all. what are we supposed to do with that? 

i don’t want to be afraid anymore.

it’s like i always used to need someone else to make me feel whole. 

you didn’t let me down.

you’re this fiery, passionate person.

we’re working to stop the monsters and to stop people from turning into monsters.

it’s important to have an exit plan that’s more than just an exit.

maybe it’s not so bad when you’re the one holding the knife.

at least i know who i am.

i’m nobody’s guiding light.

i don't belong to anybody.

i was alone. surrounded by people, but still alone.

rise and shine, we’re in hell. 

this is the worst it’s been. that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

you’re going dark on me again.

if you’re bullshitting me, i don’t care.

i never wanted to be the bad guy.

why did anyone ever do shit for me when all i ever did was let them down?

look at you, always standing in my fucking way.

your memory is like… lethally selective.

what if we end up making each other freaking miserable?

what if i hurt you? i’ve hurt people before. very badly.

for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you.

you’re the future, kid. never forget that. 

i guess i just want it to make some kind of sense.

however this plays out, i’m seeing it through with you.

you’ve done a lot, no question. but there is always more.

you believed in me when i didn’t.

this may shock you, but not everyone here likes you.

this place makes you face your demons or something, and turns out, your demons are really fucking ugly.

maybe in the end it’ll be me and you trying together. 

maybe it makes me selfish. i don’t think it makes me wrong.

there’s a whole world out there for you. go. fight for it. be brave.

i'm talking the greater good. doesn't always have to be what's best for everybody.

it doesn’t matter how shitty they are. it still fucks you up when they’re gone.

sometimes, someone comes into your life at just the right moment, you know?

stop being mad at me for wanting a different future.

you’re not like the others. but you know that, don’t you?

this isn’t pressure. it’s winning. 

i want a life where we can just… be. 

the worst has already fucking happened. i don’t think i’ve got it in me to be that scared about something that could be good.

we can’t save anyone until we save ourselves.

if you’re with me, i need you to say it.

what gives you the right to choose who lives and who dies?

i don’t know how this is going to end or what happens to me, but for whatever it’s worth, i am with you. 

why am i always doing bad things in your dreams?

you don’t trust anybody else to take care of things.

enough people have died. 

tell me you didn’t kill anyone. if you say it, i’ll believe you.

thank you for believing in me. 

i don’t wanna die.

i was just following your lead the whole time. we all were.

i’m not a hero. i’m just helping a friend.

i don’t think this is goodbye. 

you need someone to help get you there, and you have to get there.

i’m sorry you met me, but i’m glad i got to know you. i’ll never forget you.

can’t i just blame everything on my mother and be done with it?

the whole world’s haunted.

i did monstrous things. 

you’re happy. which you’re allowed to be, in case you didn’t know.

just because someone saved your life doesn’t mean you have to live the rest of it for them.

it is not up to you to carry everyone else.

put your trust in other people. in me.

sometimes, helping hurts like hell.

i just wish sometimes i had a map to figure you out.

it’s a crazy world out here, full of people who sometimes disappoint us, but it’s damn beautiful.

i’m sorry. small words for something so big.

what do you live for? living takes effort now, it takes everything. those still alive have their reasons.

the world is nothing without hope.

think about what you want. what you truly want.

the bad things we do must be done. we carry that burden so the others don’t have to.

i’m gonna screw with your life just like the way you did with mine.

this place, it’s safe. it’s good for everybody.

we take what we got, and we make it work.

they changed the game, so we change how we play.

oh my god, you killed him.

[starysky1289]

Baby blues. PT1

“ oh, oh look here! This is Vanessa on her first Halloween, look at how cute she is as a little rabbit! Everyone adored her. “

My father’s voice rang in my ears, stupid, this is all stupid. Why was he here, he was never here for me when I started college. He just wants to get near this baby, My baby.

“ oh how adorable! Vanessa I never realized you have curls! “

“ ah, they where just baby curls. But she looked adorable with them. “

Y/n, she’s the only reason I’m not dead. But god is she as dumb as rocks. Look at her, she’s the prettiest girl on earth, well, after me, and here she is. Laughing along with hour father about your old baby photos.

“ curls don’t look good on me anyways. My physique is for straight hair, maybe wavy tips if I need to look good. “

“ you always look good Vanessa…”

I felt myself smile slightly, rolling my eyes and looked back at my phone. Her compliments would usually keep me going, make me laugh and even cockier, but I didn’t want to show anything else around William. I hate him, I hate how he walks around like he’s not a monster. I hate how he has his name plaster around a building y/n frequents. I hate him.

But. Y/n is making it better. She looks beautiful with that baby bump, and I’ve been able to keep her in the house easier with all those rumors shes baby trapped me. She couldn’t even if she tried.

“ oh, is that Vanessa on her first day of school! Look at her cute little backpack!!! “

“ first day of kindergarten! Oh she clung to me and her mothers leg like- “

My heart raced as he said that. That word. That word could make me a mess if I let it.

“ William. Don’t talk about her. “

I try and remain calm. Y/n dosnt need to be asking questions about her. All she needs to know is my mother is…gone….

“ oh come on Vanessa, it’s just a photo. Here, look, here you are on picture day, you were always photogenic! “

I hate looking at my younger self. How naive and stupid I was. I’m better now, I’m smarter, I have a mate and a baby.

“ let’s see..ah Vanessa! Remeber your first visit to the restaurant? Oh I scared you with the costume, but as soon as she realized it was her dad she wouldn’t let go! “

The restaurant. Freddy’s….y/n dosnt need to know about that place. She dosnt need to know what happened. He needs to catch a drift and stop. Talking.

“ William why don’t you show her more Halloween pictures. Those are better “

“ yeah, what was she after the rabbit! “

Y/n is so interested in this. Why? Am I not interesting to talk to, does she not like me??

( Vanessa moves from her seat and sits next to y/n, putting a hand on her thigh as she looks at the pages with her )

“ here’s Vanessa when she was a penguin, here she is a Rapunzel…oh and here she is on her ninth Halloween, as a model! Always had it in you didn’t you ness? “

“ whatever…”

I hate him. I want him gone and away from my mate. But y/n adores him, she wants him to be apart of this babies life. Hes a monster, a beast. I want him away from my life.

“ Oh look! And here’s Vanessa with her mother…one of the last photos taken of them- “

“ THATS ENOUGH. GIVE ME THE STUPID BOOK “

He brought her up just to piss me off. Why wouldn’t he, he knew I’d get flamed up.

( Vanessa snatches the book from William, storming into the kitchen and throwing it under the counter. )

“ Get out if my house William. Get out and STOP COMING BACK! “

“ ok ok Jesus! Y/n, I’ll keep in touch, be safe- “

“ STOP TALKING TO HER. GET OUT! “

( Willam rolls his eyes and leaves, y/n looks up at Vanessa, who is obviously extremely pissed off )

“ v-Vanessa….why did you-? “

“ STOP TALKING. I CANT WITH YIU RIGHT NOW. HES NIT THE ANGEL OF A MAN YOU THINK HE IS. Jesus, I need to go smoke…”

“ Vanessa wait! You said you’d stop that stuff for us. “

she’s guilting me. She’s making me feel bad. He’s manipulating her into doing this. She’s lost her fucking mind.

“ well I’ll stop when you birth me and strong healthy alpha. Now move. “

( Vanessa pushes past y/n, and storms outside. Y/n sits back down on the couch in silence. )

[harrysrealgf]

NAIVE

You and harry broke up and a part of you can help but want him to show up at your door and apologize.

Fratrry¡reader

This is the good ending to this short thing, im gonna make a bad one bc I like this concept

———

“Well if you don’t like it, then maybe we should just break up!” Harry yelled. This was an argument, the biggest argument you guys have ever had. All over how you didn’t want him to flirt with so many girls.

You paused for a second. You couldn’t believe what he said to you. “Maybe we should.” You finally said. You didn’t want to obviously. You love him, but maybe it’s for the best.

He was shocked you agreed.

“Great. Then we’re broken up.” He loved you, of course he did! He was just a flirty guy, and if you weren’t okay with that then maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

Harry is a naive boy. He refuses to change or apologize about anything.

“I guess so.” You walked to the door, putting your shoes on.

“Where are you going?” He watched you.

“What? You broke up with me Harry. Do you just expect me to sit here in your house?” You asked. You were being sarcastic, but also serious.

“Well no, but..”

“No. I need to my house. I cannot do this right now.” You held tears in.

You didn’t even let him talk and you walked out. It was dark and rainy. You hated driving in the rain, but it was comforting.

When you got home you just ran to your room and cried. 3 years with Harry obviously meant nothing to him. He broke up with you so quick. He’s always been ignorant, but the one time you speak up about something that bothers you in the relationship, this happens.

He will never change, nor apologize to you. And you just need to accept that now.

You threw your headphones on and listened to music, that’s how you cope.

The past week has been a mess. You were late to work 3 times this week. You stayed up all night reading old texts where he was such a sweetheart.

But now it’s no contact.

You hoped he was come to your front door with flowers, and a real apology. Not just a lousy ‘I’m sorry.’

None of this was your fault and you knew it.

————

It’s been 2 weeks since the breakup.

It was another rainy day, 7PM. And your doorbell rang. You threw your hair up and went to answer the door, and you were surprised to see who it was.

Harry.

“Hi..” he gave you that look. That stupid look. The look he gave you when he was wrong and he knew it.

“Hi.”

“I’m sorry.” He looked down and picked at the skin at the side of his nails.

“That’s it?” You ask as he was silent for a little after that.

“No. I’m sorry y/n. I’m bad at apologies. I know I am, I don’t do it a lot but fuck, I can’t live without you. You’re the love of my life and I.. fuck I don’t know how to say it.” He paused. “These last two weeks have been absolute hell. Everything I see reminds me of you and well.. us. I know I fucked up, I know I’m too flirty sometimes and I try and stop but I just get carried away..”

“Your not obligated to say anything to any other girl Harry. And you were right. If I don’t like it then we should break up. And we did. You completely left me behind the one time I speak up about something. I don’t know what else you want from me.” You bit your lip.

“I want you! It’s not what I wanted to leave you behind. Fuck I… I didn’t even want to break up with you in the first place.” He admitted.

“…then why did you?” You spoke quietly.

“I was just scared! Your the only girl I’ve ever really loved and… every move I make it’s just another mistake. I should’ve never said anything to that girl and I know how you feel and I don’t know what is wrong with me. Your my girl and I want to keep it that way. I love you y/n.” He spit it all out like he couldn’t stop talking. “I love you and I wont let anything in this world keep us apart anymore. But I’m losing myself and I don’t want to lose you too. If there was something I could do to take back what I said.. I would do it in a heartbeat.” He took a deep breath.

“I can’t control myself without you. I can feel your touch even when your far away from me.”

Your mind was hazy. You couldn’t think correctly.

“Please say something.” He was teary eyed at this point. “I’m so dumb I should’ve told you all of this before you even left my house.”

“Come inside, your getting soaked.” You finally spoke.

He smiled warmly and walked inside.

“I brought something too…” he pulled a rello and a baggie of weed.

“You know me too well.” You sniffled, smiled softly and whispered a quiet ‘come here’ and walked to your porch

You sat on your rolling area and he sat beside you. He handed you the bag and rello and you started rolling.

————

You guys were laughing up a storm after smoking. High out of your minds, your thoughts started to come out.

“I didn’t want to break up either by the way.” You say taking a bit of the second blunt in your fingers.

“I figured.” You gave him a look.

“What does that mean?” You giggled.

“Cmon y/n. I know you. If you wanted to break up you woulda done it a while ago.” You shrugged while passing him the blunt.

“Your not wrong.” You took a drink of your water, “even when we were strictly only friends, everyone but you saw how in love I was with you.” This was all knew to him.

“How long have you liked me?”

“Maybe since like.. senior year of high school.” His mouth dropped open.

“Are you serious?” You nodded.

“Well I’ve liked you since like… freshman year.”

“Of college?” He shook his head.

“High school.” You mouth flew open and your eyes were wide open.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He shrugged.

“We had such a good friendship. I didn’t want to ruin it.. butttt… now I know your my soulmate I don’t need to worry about that anymore.” You blushed.

“Sooo… you wanna be my girlfriend again?” He asked.

“Hm I dunno… are you gonna be my boyfriend?” You tease.

“Of course.” He kissed you.

You pulled away from the kiss. “Wait a minute. You’ve liked me for 8 years?” He laughed.

“Love is love what can I say?”

[im-out-of-it]

PSA: WHY I HATE THE WAY TATIANA IS WRITTEN AND A SEMI RANT ABOUT TMI AND THIS IS LONG SO IM WARNING YALL NOW SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

why is it when CC writes a villain, it’s always either the villain and their reasonings don’t make sense or she writes them in the worst possible way.

example: Sebastian/Jonathan is terrible and to show just how awful he is, he’s going to attempt to rape the main character (also we won’t really have her work through that.) just to show how evil he is. BITCH WE KNOW HOW EVIL HE IS AND THAT WAS UNNECESSARY. won’t go on and on about TMI because it’s a torture fest and my mind has already blacked out a shit ton so I don’t remember

another example: Tatiana as a villain makes zero fucking sense. no one actually did her wrong but she came up with all these excuses

but what vexes me the most about Tatiana (this isn’t about TMI, y’all couldn’t pay me to read that toxic series) is that no one really knows or talks about the aftermath of what she did.

I’ve made many posts about Kit (CHRISTOPHER DESERVED BETTER) but he’s barely grieved and the fact is that no one mentions how Tatiana was responsible for Barbara dying. Tatiana desired more than anything- revenge. even after the first installment, she makes a statement about wishing for more lightwoods to die- mainly her brothers children. raising Jesse isn’t her only concern but literally making sure her brothers suffer.

“Why should I believe that?” She demanded. “You let me sicken from that poison, and I could have died. You promised me that only my enemies would be harmed. And look”- she threw her arm out in the direction of the courtyard where Gideon and Gabriel waited for her. “They still live!” (Chain of gold, epilogue)

I don’t really care much about the James stuff (I’m sorry for his trauma but I’m honestly over James and that’s on the writing) and I guess she’s getting her revenge there but is it really revenge well spent if the people you’re trying to hurt don’t give a fuck?

“Those are lies,” Tatiana hissed. “I am not sick! They have tried to ruin me.”

“Not true,” said Jesse quietly. “I have come to know them now. There is a truth much harsher. One I think you know. They have not tried to ruin you over all these years. They have not plotted your downfall. They have barely even thought of you at all.”

(DAMN JESSE GO OFF KING)

Tatiana has always been kinda emotional before she lost Rupert. Will didn’t want her (I still hate him), Rupert luckily didn’t have to deal with her, but in a way Tatiana had been naive and entitled. Benedict never taught her to fight or allowed her to really have her own voice. so when Benedict turns in to some demonic worm and his brother kills their father, she doesn’t really know where to turn. (THESE ARE JUST MY STUPID OPINIONS AND HOW I LOOK AT IT)

her father is dead, she’s having a child, she thinks it’s her brothers fault that her father and husband died. Tatiana feels that Gideon and Gabriel didn’t mourn their family properly. instead they see Benedict for who she is but Tatiana doesn’t feel that way. she sees Gabriel and Gideon as betraying her for some weird reason. look, it’s not easy trying to make sense of a CC storyline but I’m trying here lmao so in a way, Tatiana feels she has no family except Jesse. doesn’t trust the shadowhunters and maybe, she was close to Benedict or saw him as some hero or icon in her life?

then when Tatiana stupidly trusts “evil warlocks” and signs her sons death off, she then again IT WAS MY BROTHERS FAULT!!!! like she uses that reason for any bad thing that happens in her life even though it’s her fucking fault????? like Gabriel and Gideon didn’t come and hire a warlock with a bad reputation to put on some safety marking on your child? Gabriel and Gideon many times tried mending fences or whatever and did what they could to invite you in their lives

if anything, Gabriel should’ve been a dick to you and cut you out completely. you didn’t deserve Lightwood manor. they should’ve took your marks off and put your bloody victimizing ass in prison. I think Gabriel and Gideon have too much goodness in their heart after all she did. like what makes me most mad about Tatiana being a villain is that NOBODY KNOWS SHE WAS BEHIND BARBARA’S DEATH!!!!! she had no issue going to belial and being like let’s have war on the shadowhunters but I want my brothers to suffer the most!!!!

I loathe that it’s never stated. I detest that Christopher isn’t grieved. I hate that Cordelia is the one to kill Tatiana. I hate Tatiana’s whole arc. it’s not convincing, doesn’t make any sense, and it’s basically just mad woman trope. after all their sister has done, why aren’t Gabriel and Gideon upset? Gideon has lost a daughter, Gabriel almost lost his little child, as well as another child, and there’s no anger???? there’s no heartbreak or?????

some have pointed out that they hate the Tessa and will sex scenes and I AGREE FULLY. why is that taking precedence over children dying?????? why is Kit’s death shown as something that didn’t matter? even Barbara’s death got more notice. why is Gabriel absent and why don’t we see their reactions after Kit? why not after Alexander? Alexander is being kidnapped and tortured and Gabriel doesn’t say shit? why is the focus all on the herondales? I get it’s CC’s obsession but it takes so much from the story

like if she didn’t focus 95% of the series on James Cordelia, we couldve had a much better story and wouldn’t be missing out on stuff.

I seriously can’t believe that no one ever tied Tatiana to what Gabriel and Gideon had to endure.

Thomas loses HIS BEST FRIEND and probably more of a parabatai than James and Matthew were. Anna loses almost two brothers within a year. Ari has to leave her second family behind because they don’t accept her- at least her mother finally does. Matthew forms an addiction and overcomes that. Alastair has to endure not having a childhood due to his shitty ass father and then has to grieve actually losing him and all that entails. James has his trauma from grace but that’s not ever handled well. Grace gets adopted and is abused from her adoptive mother. Jesse is a ghost for many years because of his mother and he has to grasp who she is and how that has affected him.

I’m just saying that there are so many concepts and ideas that CC could have focused on but instead she just does the same thing she’s been doing since TMI. using the same tropes, the same toxic storylines, never allowing the story to go through, and putting the complex and fascinating characters behind.

in conclusion, (I’m sorry for venting y’all) I hate how Tatiana is handled and that she never once really has a full conversation with her brothers over what she’s done. no one says she’s behind it. she may not have had her hand on the blade but she was behind it. MY LIGHTWOODS DESERVED BETTER. so tired of CC ruining them or pushing them to the back just so her bloody golden eyed tiger toxic bland white shadowhunters who she deems the best can shine

Gabriel and Gideon went through hell and it’s never shown or talked about. Sophie loses a daughter, Cecily a son but let’s act like they don’t matter. AND ALL THIS HAPPENS IN A SPAN OF A YEAR. so undeveloped but I’ll endure for thomastair and my favs

[bisluthq]

you have such a weird approach to taylor and travis’ relationship. it’s so interesting to me that you base their level of knowledge about each other on how much you see them out in public - like if they’re not together, you immediately assume they don’t communicate, therefore they cannot know each other. meanwhile, you were writing borderline fanfiction about joe and taylor, despite them never being seen together. i’m well aware that they spent more time with each other as far as we knew but there was zero indication that joe one year in knew more about taylor than travis does now…

to insinuate that he’s with her for that 8 figure deal but then 2 asks later say that you’re rooting for them is just comical lmao

yes we all know you liked her better with joe but times change, PEOPLE change. idk it’s just super obvious to me that taylor is happy and content in this relationship - to question that and imply that she’s still hung up on her fuckass exes is just very strange. it’s her life, if she truly isn’t happy then we’ll find it eventually but there’s no need to speculate about her being miserable.

can you imagine finally getting to a place where you can enjoy your life, feel like you have your shit figured out only to have your fans be obsessed with the idea that you’re faking your happiness? i’d go absolutely insane - you guys are not better than the gaylor who are convinced that her entire life is just performance art…you’re essentially doing the exact same thing - she says something, you say she’s lying, she seems happy, she must be faking it, she has a man love her, he must be in it for the money like……..just stop

bruv I never ONCE said she’s hung up on an ex and have actively said I don’t think she is. I’ve actively said so when people have implied surprise songs are about an ex because that’s an insane thing to think. I don’t think she’s hung up on any ex and I would judge the absolute fuck out of her if she got back together with either of those guys. That’d be a terrible fucking idea.

but like the cupcakeing here is unreal. “Finally”? My sibling in christ, this woman has been single for like 6-9 weeks over the period of the last ten years. She left Calvin for Hiddles (while also lusting after Joe), she left Hiddles for Joe, she left Joe for Matty (who she’d been fucking when she’d met Calvin lol) and Matty left her. After which she was single for like 7 weeks and then she started dating Travis. She dated Travis for about a month before they went super public together and NEITHER of them have had a chance to fucking breathe because this has been an extremely busy time for them.

this has fuck all to do with Joe lol and it’s reminding me of whenever I’d say her and Joe don’t seem perfectly happy in every way, I’d have people say it’s because I’m a miserable Gaylor. Now apparently because I don’t think her and Travis have EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO DECIDE EITHER WAY, it’s because I’m a widow.

have you thought, just maybe, that I… am just quite realistic and know cognitively that she’s a real person and real people don’t get happily ever afters lmao, they just get more fucking life?? Come on.

I also think it’s fuck naive not to see that they’re both mining this relationship for money and positive publicity. Doesn’t make it fake or bad or mean that they’re miserable but totally utterly delusional to somehow claim they aren’t. Doesn’t mean they’re not happy! In fact it’s probably one of the things that makes them happy like it makes sense and it’s constructive to both of them.

I’m just not into cupcake takes, which this is, and if you want a source that deepthroats whichever guy she’s with rn that’s totally fair - that’s your preference - but then go follow those girls? Block and unfollow?

Come on. I don’t like acting like real people can ever be perfectly perfect in every way, because it’s silly - escapist and perhaps enjoyable for you and that’s SUPER FAIR, but ultimately quite silly.

also no I don’t think she’s lying and I don’t think she was lying the last fifty times she said she’s never been happier only to say that was in fact a miserable time. I think that makes her perfectly imperfect and human 🤷🏻‍♀️😘

[vixstarria]

Write your Tav (other characters' POV edition)

So I was going to do something similar to this write your Tav headcanon post by @spacebarbarianweird (hello!), but decided to postpone it until after I've actually finished the game. (Guilty of still being on Act 2 here, although much has been spoiled)

Still, I wanted to do something to flesh her out a bit, and ended up doing something entirely different, being short blurbs from the other characters' perspectives, to varying degrees of insight and self-interest, as though given sometime before the end of the game.

If anyone else wants to do this - I'd love to read it. My stuff under the cut.

Shadowheart 

Our good luck charm. I could never tell how old she is. Not just because she’s a half-elf – oftentimes she would act like an adolescent with a devil-may-care attitude, but then you would sense a profound world-weariness from her, that made you question the span and depth of her experiences... She’s gotten us out of the most perilous situations just by knowing which buttons to push, no matter whether with humans, goblins or any other assortment of abominations. Could it be just intuition? I’ve overheard her discussing books with Gale and Astarion that she had no business even knowing about. One thing is for certain: she’s no pampered court bard. I get the sense she’s been running from something. I wonder what. 

Gale 

She is the rainbow at the end of a bout of rain. A renewal of hope. Vibrant. Comforting. Refreshing. Delightful. ...Unreachable. Maybe if not for that blasted vampire... Although she’s certainly not the sort of woman I’ve ever envisaged my life with. Nor the type I would like to bring to meet my mother. Nor would she fare well within the collegiate circle. ...Come to think of it, she probably would not want the kind of life I could offer her, either. And yet being near her makes my heart sing... 

Lae’zel 

Weak. But courageous. Whelps like her do survive through sheer determination sometimes. She is lucky that Astarion took it upon himself to watch her back from day one. We all are. She is an inspirational leader. She has taught me that there are more ways out than ‘through’. To ‘think outside the box’, as the istik say. She has, truth be told, shown me the box, and rubbed my face in the fact I was in it. I am grateful and honoured to have met her.  

Wyll 

Oh she’s a good egg. Shame she never sang for us in camp. Too intimate, she said. What’s that all about? I suppose some things are more easily done before strangers... At least she played. I do hope we’ll write the story of our adventures together one day. Ballads, books... It all deserves a place in recorded history, written by her, with my assistance of course. Someone has to make sure the account is accurate. Wouldn’t want her to diminish or overinflate anyone’s role.  

Karlach 

My sister! I love her! I’m sorry I got us banned from that tavern, but I’m not one to walk away from a challenge, and ale had to be chugged, and tables had to be flipped. But she’s my best bud for all things debauchery. Skinny boy fangs, too. Him and his wine. Wait, was that wine in his goblet? Can vampires even drink wine? ...What the fuck was in the goblet and where did it come from?! I remember he was drunk... Actually, no, that was another time. SHE was drunk, and then he had her blood, yes. And then I eventually had to throw them both over my shoulders and haul them out of the tavern, because they had the bright idea to start a pickpocketing competition. And I say if you’re going to steal – steal responsibly, NOT while you’re hammered. Gods I’ll miss them both.  

Astarion  

My little dove. When I asked you why you let me bite you that night – you're not that naive and trusting after all – you said: “I had nothing to lose by agreeing to feed the strange sexy vampire – I couldn’t care less whether I lived or died anyway”. The joke fell flat. I asked whether you still felt that way. About life and death. “Not anymore,” you said, and took my hand.  

You are, perhaps, the only person worse than me at expressing their real feelings. Or at admitting them to your own self. It’s deplorable for a bard, darling. Even Lae’zel can get straight to the point, when she must. But I see you through the masks you wear. Just as you see me.  

Tav 

None of these fuckers know I’m the real princess of House Nightstar, married to a tarrasque named Johnathan.  

[ragingstillness]

BUNGO SPOILERS

ok so I have Thoughts.

First of all, the anime going ahead of the manga I have seen before in other fandoms. Sometimes it meant that the plotline had been neatly wrapped up for the anime and the manga would diverge. Take that as you will

Fyodor is not dead. Come on. An arm? I’ve watched anime for too long to think he’s dead without a full body. Not to mention that an arm is particularly suspicious considering Gogol’s ability. Remember when he convincingly cut himself in half? He could very easily have transported Fyodor out of the helicopter and cut off his arm because he knew it’d convince Dazai

Speaking of Gogol, if Fyodor is dead I am robbed of seeing Gogol kill (or at least try to) Fyodor and that isn’t fair. To me.

Chuuya being a fake vampire? Checks out, sounds like some shit Mori would do. Sad we didn’t get to see him act directly in this episode but eh.

Chuuya’s teeth being glued in and him unable to get them out? I have literally had this exact experience trying to glue in vampire teeth for a Halloween costume once. I was picking glue out of my gums for a week it was awful

Tecchou and Kenji being alive? What I expected.

Jouno and Tachihara are still up in the air I guess

Poe’s book. Can it suspend death? Is Fukuzawa somehow not still bleeding out from being stabbed through the heart? Bsd hates medical science. Also does Poe’s book write stuff on command? I thought he had to deliberately write the story which would mean he was working with Fukuchi? I’m confused.

Ranpo being alive and healed? Makes sense but I wanted to see Yosano do it so I knew she was alive.

Akutagawa no longer being a vampire and being alive? THAT’S MY FUCKING BOY! Also his new medieval knight outfit is fucking brilliant and I want him to know it makes him look very sexy

Bram saving Aya. We all knew it but were glad to see it.

Bram having his whole body back when it got mentioned (at least in the manga) that he’d die if the sword was pulled out? I mean I support it but that feels like a plothole

Bram being Aya’s knight? Adorable, I want to see him adopt her. I want the adventures of the weirdly old adult who knows nothing of the modern world and the reckless kid with a good heart and an iphone

Whoever Atsushi and Aku are fighting? Unclear but it looks like it’s holding Fukuchi’s sword so maybe it’s the sword itself? He did say smtg about a legendary sword maker. I’d guess it was Crime and Punishment but it doesn’t look Russian enough

Fyodor’s Hebrew: excellent, we love to see it, last words of Jesus, that’s the good shit. Also irl Fyodor getting out of prison and living a better life vs bsd Fyodor getting out of prison and dying…idk where I was going with this anyway irony

The bullet not piercing the skull trick. Frankly was one of the ideas I thought of, not surprised Dazai’s a fucking cockroach.

Fukuchi’s plan. Naive at best but relatively good intentioned. I’m not ready to like him as a character and probably never will. Killing 500 people, how the hell could he keep it so precise? It’s also an interesting debate about the life of an individual vs the life of the collective, almost a trolley problem thing, curious to see how Fukuzawa decides about it

Not a fan of Fukuzawa crying. If I do not see it, it cannot make me sad

Fukuchi’s plan cont. changing reality with the book is the only way I can think of to make this plan even somewhat feasible. Without it the plan would collapse. Do you know how many wars would be fought just over who controlled One Order? Why can’t the original ability user use it? So many questions

One Order’s design: Soul-Eater-Kishin-ass-looking-thing

Can One Order even still control armies without them under control of the vampire ability? What about the seal on Fukuchi’s wrist that made him control Bram? The sword being coded to Fukuzawa’s voice? How???? There are so many questions around that alone

How does Bram undo the vampirism I want to see it?! Is Aku still injured when he is de-vamped?

Fukuchi said it was a U.N. ordinance about One Order. Is he aware not every country is in the U.N.? Also, if someone manages to launch and nuclear missile before One Order is activated it can’t exactly be deactivated. There are so many issues with this plan it’s like Thanos’

Where is the book???? I want to know????

So Sigma is just dead then? Fuck. And we still don’t get to lean what Fyodor’s ability does

Fyodor having vampire spies among the Mersault guards is such a cop-out, give me something cool like Dazai’s communication strategy

Strongest opponent after /that man/. WHO IS FYODOR TALKING ABOUT I NEED TO KNOW GIVE ME TOLSTOY OR GIVE ME DEATH!

I’ll probably add more thoughts as I have them but these are my preliminary ones

[gilliesmemes]

𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐌𝐄𝐊𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐍 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝟎      !     /    sentence starters pulled callmekevins playthrough of mile 0 , prequel to road 96.   change whatever you want to suit your character interactions .

 oh my god , what has he taken ?

now, lets hop in a strangers car.

your dog die or something ?

i might play video games instead. that’s how i escape my problems.

aha ! i found an escape.

i’m not really one for tourism in a country run by a dictator.

i feel a little on edge here.

i’m taking that threat at face value.

i need some chaos, everything has been too organized.

now we’re talking, explosives ! let’s get in there.

oh god, he’s very upset.

does he have that type of power, though ?

then the manger came out and said i was the best escapist they’ve ever seen.

yeah, tony hawk move there.

we’re killing a lot of people, this is great.

oh my god , you don’t know anything about personal space.

i will kill you immediately , that’s what friends are for - murdering each other.

i want it to seem like someone died in here.

that looks kind of crappy, to be honest.

what the hell is yours supposed to mean ?

yeah, they’re both equally good.

i don’t even know who said that, a ghost perhaps ?

i’m just so obnoxious.

can i just throw them in the trash ?

i don’t really wanna do this job , i just wanna get the credit for doing it.

forty seven people injured in town square, read all about it in tomorrows paper.

oh, i didn’t see you there.

ah ! oh , sorry... the corner scared me.

can you just give me a second ? i’m trying to rob you.

my kd ratio is insane.

i have been destroying the place with no reasoning just because i can get away with it.

maybe the government are lying.

we’ve been truman show’d !

if you didn’t believe the government didn’t engage in propaganda here, you’d be pretty fucking stupid.

i do ! i just agreed with everything you said !

annoying poster guy in the park is my favourite hobby. also , he’s dead.

i forgot to update you , i killed him earlier.

that is the lamest dare i’ve ever heard.

i dare you to jump off the building.

pretty ironic to say i found it in the dumpster.

i jump in trash and then he quits , like yeah i’m done with that one.

push him. push him off the seat so he falls into the mud.

you’ve probably never even seen your father.

look at his little stupid face about to go down in the mud !

yeah , sucks to be you kiddo.

he looks like a guy who a kid could just sneak by into our house.

oh my god , how did you run so fast ?

that is the creepiest thing you could’ve said.

i need the worlds gnarliest rumba that’ll just shred everything on the floor.

i kinda like this dude, he’s just so naive.

i’m just causing so much chaos all the time no matter where i am.

i feel a little bad.

he almost had another kill on his belt !

jesus , what a neighbourhood.

he’s a lunatic.

now what , are you going to try and eat me ?

i like the dramatized version.

tell me this secret of yours or i’ll push you off the building.

oh, look ! it’s the square where i murdered everyone , good times.

stop trying to force me to talk about things i don’t want to talk about.

i’m going to snap my own neck.

i don’t think it’s about whether the government did it or not.

i just always assume the government are up to shenanigans to be honest. 

that’s not how i thought he would sound for some reason.

that’s his memory of it ... then he’s also like and i was doing some sick kick flips and jumping over ramps while the explosions were going off.

was that not enough ?!

WHAAA - oh wait , i already knew that.

oh no, i’m going to get pulled into this aren’t i ?

no it sounds complicated for you. i don’t want to get involved in this.

yeah , she seems like a big fan.

she’s still waving , she’s still there.

he sounds pretty pissed off.

can i just walk away ?

i don’t think he’d make an announcement about that.

okay that was unnecessary , that was just demeaning. 

this is getting weirder and weirder.

this is getting a little bit stressful now.

i'm playing to win , i am not a good loser. actually no , i'm a very good loser  -  i'm not a graceful loser is what im saying... i'm a sore loser.

stop distracting me , i'm winning.

did you make a whole scale model of his house ?

seems reasonable , yeah lets risk our lives for this.

the cops are closing in , you're in now so we got to get this done tonight.

mom will help , don't worry.

i just think cops are so cool , those guys are really cool.

please let me go now.

anyway, time to go straight to ( name's ) house and break in.

i managed to ditch my parents, i'm ready for the revolution.

i play the triangle, i never said i was a singer.

your eyes aren't as wonky as your posters would suggest. 

my mixtape ! how could i forget my mixtape. 

do i actually want to help him ? i don’t want to.

these past twelve hours have been good to you.

why is he holding onto the receipt ... are they going to business expense it ? 

the problem is ... i know the file wont be there when i get up there.

i’ve seen enough loony  toons back in the city to know that’s a fake.

god the standards are pretty low here.

is this my entry test ?

y’know , personal revenge and all that.

i want to take the gun and just shoot him.

is this how he sees it ? well , no wonder he's pissed off.

we’re all new comers to this behaviour.

that was a bit stupid, wasn’t it ?

yeah , it is kinda lame actually.

what ? you abandoned me !

[romantic-reveries]

I remember being in my early twenties and reading about a man in his 60s or 70s committing suicide. I remember thinking that was wild — normally you only hear about younger people doing that.

I remember thinking it was the kind of thing you grew out of with perspective. Young adult angst. That if you hadn’t done it in your teens or twenties, surely you weren’t going to.

How sweet and naive I was. Maybe he’d been suicidal all those years and held off as long as he could. Who knows.

I hate being the way I am. And I don’t think I could ever kill myself, but sometimes I wish I didn’t exist. Often I wish that. And I think of that man, and I think, maybe it took him a lifetime to work up the nerve.

Which is so… god, like silly and overdramatic and morbid. But it’s like as time goes on and I am better in so many ways, somehow my lows still only get lower. Stronger. Like it’s wearing me down.

When I get like this, overstimulated by stress, it just takes nothing at all. I was in an okay mood, talking with my boyfriend about the epiphany I had about how maybe part of why I feel so bad is because I internalize everything, because when I’ve mentioned to him and my grandma how I feel like a raging bitch lately, they don’t see it. Because I’m not being outside, only internally. Thinking mean things I normally wouldn’t be able to fathom about humanity and other people.

And I told him I’m in my fuck off era, and repeatedly — rather jokingly — that everyone can just go fuck off, and he responded, in a sort of annoyed sounding way “I get the message”, as if I’ve been going on too much about it. My grandma does that to me, too. It’s the sort of thing that instantly fills me with shame so strong I want to die. As if I’ve been annoyingly chattering on. I know I have a tendency to repeat things for emphasis — I don’t know, maybe an adolescence full of never being truly heard will do that to you. But I think, as someone who generally never shows my annoyance with people, even when it’s deserved, it’s frustrating to have people who are supposed to love me react that way to me.

It makes me want to never speak again. To have no opinions and no thoughts and simply passively exist in other people’s peripherals. Even better, to disappear. But I don’t know how to articulate to them how badly that cuts me.

And I’m telling him how I think I’m just always so worried about saying or doing the wrong thing, doing something I regret, that I find it easier to be silent in moments of conflict, when something rubs me wrong, instead of saying “hey, that was rude and uncalled for.” And he starts talking to his kid. And by no means, should I take precedence over his children. I don’t think that for a second. But she didn’t initiate with him, he initiated with her, and only to joke. It’s hurtful to be pouring my heart out and have attention shifted.

And I know it’s me. I’m the problem. I’m too sensitive. Especially when I get like this. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. I wish I did, but I don’t.

[laputaindefrenchgirl]

back to my future.

I wrote this in 2016 : I don’t want to apologize. 

I try this thing, you know, where you just try to not expect anything from anyone. Let’s face it, when you come to some point, it’s complete bullshit.

I shouldn’t apologize.

I’m fierce, and I love myself (oh, my bad!), but when it comes to my social relationships (meaning out of my relatives ones), they call me mature, respectful, and thoughtful even. I’m not the best, for sure. But I’ve come a long way, and I had my lots of disappointments, so why the hell should I tame myself ; my fire, my light, my inner strength. Why should I go in this dark corner as you please, and suffocate inside?

I can’t apologize.

Life taught me many, many things, and what comes out of it is that you got to set the world on fire, no matter what. I haven’t been there and suffered from unfair stupid people to just stand in some bloody corner, and not let myself be heard.

This is not okay. But I’m listening, always do, and even if I didn’t nod hearing your reasons, I still heard them. I’m completely thrown off by your stupidity and I can’t agree, but I hear you.

I should apologize. 

Because it seems that I’m strong and you’re weak, and you don’t have my iron will. Yeah, I really should say that I’m sorry. I know I can hold a grudge like no one, and that’s maybe the most stupid thing in all of this.

And I wrote this today, in 2023 : holy fucking shit. 

I was seriously guilty tripping myself over someone (I can only guess who it was because I do not remember properly). It was a period of time where I graduated from a school full of bullies, I was starting therapy, and working on a relationship which I thought could be repaired.

Probably the main thing that changed, that evolved was that I know that I will never, ever tame myself for anyone. No questions, no wonders, period. Some growth happened, but not in the way it was expected. I held myself in my own arms and just understood that it is alright to be sensitive, to have a depth of feelings wider that I ever thought I could be capable of. I dove into my own watery self, and almost a decade later, it made me shine even harder. 

Because I tried to give myself more room to explore, understand bits of myself which were not encouraged or seen, not even by I, it gave me a sort of gentleness. I sincerely wasn’t aware that I could be kind. 

And I still wouldn’t say that I’m kind as a main trait of my character, but I know that I can be when I want to. It feels stupid to write this but how true it is. How naive and childish and arrogant I can be. How demanding am I of my own soul. 

Around 2018, I tried to shush myself. It became too much inside, a toxic pressure building for years, and I was like, “let’s try to not shine, not speak about yourself, to not be loud about what you want”. What a mistake. Maybe though, this one was needed. For four months, I held this behavior to please, have peace, not receive remarks. Guess what? I was still depicted as the bad guy, and verbally abused by some. I was in such pain, and inside, I became wild, like a wounded animal, doing what it would have to do in order to survive. For the first time in my life, I was reaching one of my limit. This is how I knew this road wasn’t for me. And I tried, you know. I guess I’m not a people pleaser, and neither good at pretending shit.

This is how I realized that I was not meant for what anyone would EVER expect of me, not even my owns tricky expectations. I am a sort of messy magnet for light and gratitude, yet I burn, selfish as it may be, and I’m not here to apologize for any of this. I’m a force and I’m fragile. This works both ways.

Although, let’s face it, do I still hold grudges like a fucking pro? Absolutely.

I would even dare to say that I’m against forgiveness, and I know, it sounds silly, immature, ruthless. This is where I am today and I’m not going against this feeling because fuck you, babe. I don’t have to justify this at all. I think just most people forget that maybe, people who hurt like I did and keep on holding grudges are probably the most sensitive people of all. If not, then I’m just a dumb bitch and that’s okay too.

Back to the main meal, don’t carry too much guilt over your shoulders. Keep your stamina to carry better things such as love, empathy and some badassery. Not all villains wear cloaks, some might wear their heart on their sleeves as well. 

“It takes guts be to gentle and kind.” The Smiths

-Audrey

[dollsdiscord]

JOSHUA BASSETT ASK MEME

CRISIS

“i don’t know if i can”

“i still wanna run”

“if you get to tell your truth, then so do i”

“it’s cool if you still want me to play the bad guy”

“don’t you dare act like i didn’t love you”

“don’t go thinking that i didn’t hurt too”

“don’t you ever wonder if i’m okay after all you put me through”

“half the shit you’re saying’s only half true”

“i can’t help but wonder, why won’t you make it end?”

“you would never dare to waste a crisis”

“what the hell am i supposed to do with that?”

“i wish that i could open my eyes and the nightmare’d be over”

“you’re messing with my life as a career move”

“weren’t you the one who left in the first place?”

“weren’t you the one who called things off?”

“was it an act to love me or to hate me?”

SECRET

“we kissed, but it felt different”

“i should’ve seen it coming then”

“you swore you only had a crush”

“you told me that you would cut him off”

“my friends all warned me i should run for the hills”

“i defended you”

“your secret’s safe with me”

“i’m keeping my mouth closed”

“you don’t even know i know”

“darlin’, how could you be so cold?”

“how could you be so cold?”

“i really hope you had your fun”

“good for you, fooling everyone”

“your smoke and mirrors had me hypnotized”

“i heard the truth last night”

“the truth you can’t deny changed everything”

“you can’t hide behind what’s clear as day”

“i’m keeping my mouth closed”

SET ME FREE

“i don’t know what i did to deserve all of this”

“i’ve been going through it too”

“i know you feel used, i know you’ve been hurt”

“i’d take it all back if i could”

“why must i hurt for you to feel okay?”

“you don’t get to take all of me”

“i don’t recognize you, not anymore”

“you’re not the love that i fell for”

“i’ve been running away”

“it’s been a fucking year”

“i’ve been facing my fears”

“i’ve gotta lock the door and throw away the key”

“i hope you know i still care about you”

“i won’t ever let you hurt me how you hurt me again”

“set me free”

USED TO IT

“i’m not surprised you didn’t call”

“when i almost died, you didn’t care at all”

“i guess i got used to it”

“you’re covering up all your sins”

“I blame it on us being kids”

“you had me convinced its my mind thats playing tricks”

“you stabbed me in the back and i’m the one that’s saying sorry again”

“you told our friends you’re glad it hurts”

“you’re the only love i’ve had”

“i won’t say what i can’t take back”

“you did things i can’t forgive but mercy doesn’t always make sense”

“i’m the one who let you in again”

“i can’t be mad, i let you treat me like that”

“after all that you did, i won’t admit it’s you i miss”

SMOKE SLOW

“is it naive to thing we could work?”

“the second it’s out, i lose her”

“we’re already here so one more won’t hurt”

“all that we are is all that we’ll ever be”

“there’s only so far we can go”

“take your time while you’re mine”

“i’m telling you things i’ve never said”

“hope i don’t regret this”

“it’s one little spark that we won’t put out”

“isn’t it fun just for now?”

“he’s the one waiting at home”

“i’m addicted to illusions of a love that never was and never will be”

“nicotine don’t taste the same if i’m not with you savoring every breath we take”

“take me higher”

“take your time while you’re mine and smoke slow”

ALL IN DUE TIME

“i know i’ll find my way out”

“just cause it gets better doesn’t mean it’s better right now”

“are all of my tears gonna turn into something?”

“is all of this pain just for nothing?”

“maybe someday it’ll all fade away”

“maybe someday it’ll all fade away and the weight of the world won’t be mine”

“maybe i’ll see at the end of the day who i am made it all worth the while”

“these scars will be stories i tell”

“these scars will be stories i tell, all in due time”

“i’m still cleaning up all the mess i made”

“just cause it’s over doesn’t mean i’m over it now”

“it hurts while it’s healing”

“i’m just trying to get back the feeling”

LIFELINE

“i called you without a second thought”

“she pictures a life without her son”

“i’m just glad you made it into town”

“save me”

“save me now, i’m facing all the fears of the unknown”

“i’ve been shaking in my bones”

“lately i’ve been praying”

“i can’t do this on my own”

“try not to cry”

“i won’t say goodbye just yet”

“hold onto my hand”

“i’ll be fine for tonight”

“i’ll be fine for tonight with you by my side”

“don’t you know, you’re my lifeline?”

“i’m not good at calling”

“dad said i’ve fallen off the grid”

“we hardly say i love you”

“let go cause i won’t waste another minute”

“we’re drifting from difference of opinion”

“i can’t be mad i’m not what you prayed for”

LA

“i’ve been thinking of running away”

“i’ve just gotta get out of this town”

“lately everyone’s bringing me down”

“i’ve been making a run for my life”

“i’m not sure if i’ll make it tonight”

“i guess i’ve run out of things i can say”

“it’s time to grow up”

“my father told me not to cry in front of my mom”

“now that i’m older i couldn’t tell you the last time i cried”

“i put on a show, slap on a smile”

“everyone comes here but nobody leaves”

“we’re all only actors, no one’s actually happy”

“no one’s actually happy”

“where are you going?”

“how can you help me to get where i need”

“when everything is going right, they’re on you’re side”

“just as your luck runs out, they’re harder to find”

SAD SONGS IN A HOTEL ROOM

“how the hell did we end up where we did?”

“don’t you think it’s messed up”

“it all went to shit”

“it’s kinda depressing being here alone”

“in one year it all went to shit”

“we checked in together and i never checked out”

[s3xtones]

omg yo i have a twin flame. it’s scary we are the exact same height. same hair colour, have the same soul in the look in our eyes. the energy between us is magnetic and intoxicating. it’s fucked up we are in ‘no contact’ right now and it’s mad because he’s recently copped my dream givenchy jeans and those fucking bat ciaga sunglasses so we have the exact same style too. it’s also scary like one of the few times i was around him the top of my head (crown chakra) was tingling like crzy!! aaand when he expressed his love by musing me and making a pair of pants inspired by me ((lmfao fashion themed cosmic love affair)) i had like a full on kundalini awakening purely off seeing the post online… his higher self always shows me specific songs when i shuffle my music and will keep trying to play the same song until i’ve listened to the lyrics so i understand how he’s feeling and where he’s at with things. the connection actually consumed my life i was so obsessed and in love with him even when i hardly knew the man. it definitely has been toxic at parts but also so pure and all encompassing like i can’t live with or without him… both of our lives have come crumbling down because we were in each others lives to trigger deep change both internal and external. it’s fucked up too because apparently he’s not ascending or doing the needed shadow work or introspection and isn’t self aware enough and still in too much ego and may never choose to change in this lifetime so i’ll probably never be with him in this lifetime and coming to terms with that fact was honestly the most wrenching thing and i’ll never cry harder than i did in those moments. he is also with a karmic soulmate currently and i can’t explain the challenges that put me through mentally too especially because the girl is so scarily similar to who i am becoming and are as a person. the dynamic of runner and chaser is so real too like i was running after him knowing what the connection meant to me and now i’m running from him knowing his not so pure intent towards me. it worries me and i question myself like surely this can’t be the other half of my soul lol feels like that one episode where rick and morty go to that spa in space and split into one toxic character and one ultra healthy character.. i don’t fully understand it but apparently my heart was meant to be broken fully open in this lifetime and he did that for me. truly triggered and activated all my gifts and my spiritual awakening and the journey is real but the obsession around it scares me too as i was a part of that naively once too.. it’s beautiful though but goes way deep. almost too deep. the telepathic communication is real too. it made me never want to move on because nothing feels like it compares but i am accepting and at peace of my destiny and i found myself and my dreams and i fell in love with everything life has to offer and god so now i am happy either way. i guess i just wanted to tell somebody who would understand because everyone around me thinks i’m just a crazy idiot when it comes to him (and i definitely was at one point) but that’s the truth . idk i guess i just wanted to share my experience with you maybe you’ll find it interesting hehe but yeah no one should envy the TF thing it’s honestly a mess and is confusing and hurts really bad but i think each experience is unique. i really feel like a wholeass woman on my own and it’s insane that the person who i love and who loves me the most put me through the most suffering. i really hope i stay as myself and never like merge with him sometimes but thats disowning a part of myself. maybe he will learn.. definitely feels like unfinished business. im just rambling at this point and i’ll probably never have an idea as to wtf is going on with it but yeah it’s also crazy like everytime i ever energetically checked in on him w tarot too he was always feeling he exact same way i was so we mirror eachother emotionally too. it’s honestly disturbing and i don’t understand it but also comforting knowing i’ll kinda never be alone in a sense.

random side notes: i really look up to you

i love checking on you and your tumblr and seeing all your realisations about life.. wise beyond your years. just a sexy cool btch 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 meow babe

thank you for sharing your light w the world you inspire me to b a better person .

gtg bai XOXO

Bruh u made me almost cry this really shook me to the core cause like i have definitely felt this exact same thing & been thru the journey.i tried to ignore the dependency and attachment aspect but it only grows with time. To be quite frank, i loved that. i was addicted and craved it so much cause i felt like i was at home with him and to me we WORKED SO SO SO SO WELL (to me)

because i really reallyyyy understand this i have some advice

1. Cry? Yes always, however Don’t assume he doesn’t get it or is not doing the shadow work cause for u to be able to even connect and telepathically communicate with him he is receiving u and receiving is an action!! His conscious self may not know why but his Higher Self responding is the best start. (AHHHH IM SO EXCITED FOR U. THIS IS CUTE ) Also i have not gave much thought as to why but A LOT of men play dumb to their spiritual needs n abilities if they could just really sit down n SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPP THEY MAY LEARN SUMTHIN IDK. Moving on…

2.Even if y’all don’t end up together together in this lifetime, STAY FRIENDS! Pls try even if it goes against your pride, it matters so so so much nd teaches u a lot about yourself too. with this i am not encouraging u let the relationship get super unhealthy or consuming, know when to push and pull away however i believe that staying friends with him keeps the love close n mag bring about a sooner coming together whether in this lifetime or the next. Sometimes you have to be that person to be a true mirror, the reflection, the person to tell him bout himself cause if you’re really his twin flame no one knows him like you both do and God n ancestors!

3. Destruction is a form of creation. Things must fall apart before they can come back together. Twin flames are separate because of karmic debt maybe y’all just working thru that n knocking old beliefs n restrictions in all dynamics ( family, Self, community/society) to clear the soul for the future union.

Sidenote: he’s probably just with that girl because ( pls don’t be hurt by this just hear me out) yes he’s running but there is also something on your end that is unresolved, missed or hyper fixated on that caused y’all not to be on the page right now …

or he’s just being a man who is scared of real life altering commitments and communication…both could be true but don’t strss it jus laugh it’s funny! Trust. LOL at some point she is gonna notice and want to be u like nah luv serve your purpose so he can come back home to his SENSES! LOLOr she’s gonna break his heart because she reminds him so much of the best of u as well but once he’s in too deep the rude but necessary Awakening will occur.

no one can have what was predestined, meant, divinely orchestrated until that’s what y’all both want then the prophecy changes. And at that point, it’s not bout what the physical wants , it’s more of a soul contract relinquishment thing. That’s what it says in Corinthians 13:4-8 after the love never fails part. People love cutting the verse off before the REALEST LINES but that’s a different topic.

Lol everyone around u will think you’re crazy even Him at times cause they will never see life thru your Eyes. It’s okay though because being a healer is one of the most important roles, the world will always need us so stay true to what you’ve learned and continue to learn. Yes, in this moment you are an individual woman will your own path to follow, stay true to that for u n only u cause when it’s time to be with him you’ll both be ready.

right now it’s bout YOU!💜

i love u so much thanks for sharing this with me i feel like love like this is very transformative for the best. i understand and appreciate the world and myself differently now and from what i have read u do too, it’s like reading a message from my younger Self n i live for conversations like this.

luv ya! thanks again!!! my messages are always open 4 u luvvv xx <3333