#am I going to be okay? will I write normally again?

[cuubism]

this instagram reel made me think so strongly of a human AU viktor that I had to write a little ficlet about it

--

Normally, the fact that Jayce is such a light sleeper is a problem. Being easily awoken by any rain, wind, traffic, Cait traipsing in at midnight after going to see Vi, his own anxious thoughts--it's not beneficial to his sanity. Today, though. Today, he's grateful for it, because it means he wakes up at 4am when his phone buzzes with two Snap messages in quick succession.

Blearily, he opens the app, squinting against the bright light of the screen. There are really only two people in the world who send him snaps, and Cait is asleep in the other room of their shared apartment. Which means it's Viktor.

It takes him a second to even comprehend what he's seeing.

Viktor seems to be reclining in a hospital bed, shirt open over his bare chest which is covered with various wires stuck to the skin, an IV in the back of his hand and a heart monitor clipped to his finger. Despite all this, he's throwing up a peace sign with his free hand and the look he's giving the camera is downright sultry, his dark undereye circles almost giving the impression of a smoky eye.

I lived, bitch, the text over the photo says.

Jayce rapidly taps through to the next one.

Similar photo, but now the text reads, It's giving Consumption core, whatever the fuck that means.

It doesn't sound much like Viktor but hopefully that means someone's there with him, even if they're just taking photos instead of, you know, helping.

Nevertheless, Jayce vaults out of bed, pulling on the nearest clothes and grabbing his keys and-- because Viktor is sick or hurt or having a flare up or God knows what-- rushing out of his bedroom.

He's scrambling so much that he trips over the rug in the living room and goes down, hitting a side table with his shoulder and knocking the lamp on it onto the floor with a clatter. Fuck. He pushes himself to his feet again and--

The light in Cait's room goes on. Vi opens the door, rubbing her eyes. "What the fuck, man."

"Sorry," Jayce says, abandoning the fallen table in favor of shoving his feet into his shoes. "I gotta go, Viktor's in the hospital and--"

"What?" Cait emerges behind Vi. "Is he okay?"

"I think so? He sent me a snap so--"

Vi picks up Jayce's phone from where it's fallen to the floor and studies the picture. "Sounds like Jinx is with him." She tilts her head. "Kind of a good photo. Hot."

"Vi." Cait takes the phone and gives it back to Jayce. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, he wouldn't want everyone crowding." Viktor hadn't even specifically asked Jayce to come but like hell is he not going to. "I gotta-- I need to go--"

"Alright, be safe," Cait says, and Jayce is already rushing out the door.

While on the bus to the hospital, he texts Viktor directly. Are you okay??

The singularity is near, Jayce, Viktor writes back. I'm ever closer to transcending biology. I am composed of so many wires now; soon they will replace my veins entirely.

Jayce can't tell if the fact that he's typing in coherent sentences means he's okay or if the fact he's expounding on futurology at four in the morning from a hospital bed means he's not okay.

I like you not composed of wires, he replies.

Too late, Viktor says. I did try to explain to them that this is normal but they insisted on all of the wires.

Pretty sure it's not *normal*, Jayce says.

On the plus side, this hospital isn't stingy with the good drugs.

Jesus Christ. That explains the philosophizing.

Excuse you, I can do it perfectly well sober.

Should have brought you your Fuller novel the way people bring stuffed animals to the hospital. You could hold it for comfort while you fall asleep.

You are coming? says Viktor.

Yeah, Jayce says, of course I'm coming.

~

Technically, Jayce is Viktor's emergency contact, but there's still been issues getting in to see him in the past since Jayce is "not family." But apparently, Viktor had Jinx tell the hospital front staff that he was allowed in, because this time they direct him right to Viktor's room when he arrives.

Viktor is sitting up in bed when he gets there, indeed attached to a lot of wires, though a nurse is taking some of them off so they must have finished some tests. This is a different hospital bed, an actual room rather than the temporary ER situation he seemed to have been in in the photo before, which is not a good sign, though at least it hopefully means Viktor will be discouraged from leaving before its safe for him to do so.

The nurse passes Jayce in the doorway as she leaves, and Viktor turns to him, offering a wan smile. He looks tired, but then, he always looks tired lately.

Jinx is indeed there, perched on the end of the bed like a gargoyle. She waves at Jayce. "See, I told you my messages would get him to come."

"Some messages," Jayce says, sitting in the chair by Viktor's bed. Viktor looks at him curiously, and Jayce hands over his phone.

Viktor studies the snaps, and rubs his forehead tiredly. "Jinx, I asked you to text Jayce, not send hospital boudoir, or whatever this is." He peers closer at the messages. "Hm. They are good photos, though."

"Told ya."

"Viktor. Are you okay?" Jayce asks, pocketing his phone again. He takes Viktor's hand between both of his own, rubbing his knuckles.

"Just a flare up," Viktor says. Sure, Jayce thinks, 'just.' "Truthfully--do not gloat--I've been up too late and I got dehydrated, and I'm sure that exacerbated things."

"We were on a roll," Jinx complains. "There's no time for sleep when you're in the zone."

"Hm, until there suddenly is," Viktor says brightly. "I am okay, Jayce, truly."

"Alright. I was worried." And, carefully, he lifts Viktor's hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles.

This thing between them--it's still new and tentative. More tentative from Jayce's end, really, he's always worried about mucking it up. But he tries to remind himself that nothing's really changed, they're still the same friends that they've always been. They just... do other stuff, too.

Well, and Jinx is now sending him photos of Viktor looking like the star of a vampire romance film.

"I'm going to get snacks," Jinx declares unsubtly, climbing off the bed and heading for the door.

"The vending machine has Taki's," Viktor calls helpfully as she leaves.

"How do you know that?" Jayce asks.

"I've been here before."

Of course.

Jayce sighs, pressing his forehead to their joined hands.

"You know," Viktor says, "if you were not able to bring me a book to cuddle. Am I allowed a you to cuddle?"

"I'm pretty sure that's against the rules."

"Meh, rules," Viktor says, dismissively. "What will they do, kick me out?"

"Kick me out," Jayce says.

"They won't," Viktor says, with such certainty that Jayce somehow believes him.

So he climbs into the hospital bed beside Viktor, arranging him carefully around all the wires and connections. Viktor curls into his side, resting his head on Jayce's shoulder.

"Thank you for coming," Viktor murmurs.

"Of course." Jayce can't imagine not coming as soon as he got that message. Even if Viktor thinks it's all unremarkable and normal. Viktor being in pain is never not going to make him drop everything and run. Even if that means he has to do a hell of a lot of running.

"You know," Viktor says. "The future of disembodied cloud consciousness does have a shortcoming."

"Oh, yeah? Only one?"

Viktor tsks, poking his arm. "It occurs to me that without a body it would be difficult to appreciate my personal furnace here."

Jayce squeezes him tighter. "Maybe your future disembodied consciousness will just have to have a temperature sensor. Might as well give it a pressure sensor too... oh wait, I think we might be circling back around to a body..."

"Perhaps it is not all bad to have a body," Viktor sighs. "Only mostly."

"Only mostly," Jayce agrees, kissing the top of his head.

--

two books referenced obliquely in this:

The Singularity is Near by Ray Kurzweil

Operating Manual for Spaceship Earth by R Buckminster Fuller

I think Viktor would be into them.

[darkdemeter]

─────────────── 🗯️Okaaay, random and weird ramble post here but I'm kinda scared right now because I'm going through a weird, poetic writing phase. It's so weird to explain... but I can't write normal, ya know? Like Habits, Soldat's Reprise, Ballad or some of my Darksiders stuff to name a few examples. That sort of normal. Whenever I try to write anything decently simple and normal, it's like either my writer brain shuts off completely or is like pulsing with this needy little voice saying: "Yeah heh heh! let's write some weird af, kinda loopy poetic shit that readers won't probably understand or comprehend, let's make sentences that border on the paragraph format!"

AND I FIND IT SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL THAT I CAN'T BE MAD, BUT WTAF IS GOING ON?! 😂 ───────────────

[korumimi]

Just was thinking about a situation where Pac gets distant with Fit (for whatever reason) and then fit would go like "Oh Hi Pac how are you going" etc etc and then Pac would say something like "I'm busy right but see you later :D"

And Fit would be "okay...?" And he would notice that Pac is distant and as the days pass he would know that Pac is hanging with everyone less him. And I just imagine he saying "Oh I see... I mean Pac can hang out with anyone he wants. It doesn't bother me! It doesn't bother me at all..."

And the he would talk to others about that and no one would understand and Fit would start to overthink and be like "okay, I did something very wrong how can I fix this" because Pac wouldn't just go away like this. ....right?

And then Fit would try to talk to Pac and try to give him presents or compliment or try to get a hint of what he did wrong but Pac is just really avoiding him.

And Fit would stop and think. And feel. He would feel sad. And like he has no other options. He needs to apologize and fix this thing because- if not, he would lose Pac.

And he would call Pac in a way that Pac couldn't refuse. Like saying it's a life or death situation. (For Fit it's the same so it's not a lie).

And Fit would be like

"Pac, actually there's no danger. And before you leave I wanted to apologize. I know I fucked up something and and I've gotta fucked up pretty bad for you to avoid me like this... And I-I just want to fix ok? I mean, I'm a janitor, I fix things you know haha.... But yeah... I'm sorry..."

And he would feel so sad. He doesn't cry for so long but he think he could cry for this. Cry of anger for being so stupid for ruining something so nice with Pac. And he would be so angry with himself and just "I'm so stupid with my dumb feelings"

And the he would look at and Pac would be crying and everything would get so confusing but Pac would just say something like

"I'm sorry Fit!! It was not to you to feel this way!! I just- I thought that you- I don't know! That you... Didn't like me..." And cry his eyes out.

And the whole scene would be a mess cuz Fit wants to calm him down but why would Pac think like that??? And probably would be some silly thing that bbh or Pierre would've said and Fit swears he's gonna destroy one of them.

And everything would calm down. And they make jokes about it. Laugh about it. And Fit says "There's no way I wouldn't like you Pac"

And Pac would go silent for a seconds and say

"I like you too... But... I really really like you. Y'know?"

And I think Fit would cry. Cry for real. Like, ugly cry. And he doesn't even know why the hell his crying. And Pac would be a little desperate but try to calm him and Fit would confess. Say everything. Say that his not good with feelings. Not even words. But he likes Pac so much. So so much.

And everything would be okay. They would be awkward about it. Being shy and laughing about it. And everything would be perfect, eventually. They would be together and everything will be fine.

[soap-is-an-artist]

Hooray... it's 7 in the morning and I stayed up all night listening to the imperium... I feel so happy and satisfied with my life choices...

I am feeling very much not cowabunga, dude

[SEVERE rambling in tags]

[silverselfshippingchaos]

a really big chunk of my ship tags are just titles of songs that I happen to like (if you can tell what they are, you get a gold star!)

but that also means that every now and then, a certain song will come on and I'll be hit with the strongest wave of just. Feels.

(some spoilers for M.onster in the tags btw)

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

y'all i promise i was GOING to brainrot about moth but then genshin dropped the teaser for the Arlecchino animated short and now my head is full of nothing but Father

[passerinesoncaffeine]

I'm actually going to gnaw my own hand off.

[ladyseidr]

william "me and my Perfect Societally-Idealized Family" af.ton vs. jayne being a polyamorous lesbian who regularly scandalizes people on purpose and knows william is bullshitting himself ( even if he won't hear it )

[undercoverangell]

thinking about trans odypen again. GNAWING ON A GLASS PANE PICKING UP MY COUCH AND HURLING IT ACROSS THE ROOM. i am normal! stick your fingers in the bars of my ask box i dont bite ! see this is me i am normal : 3

[kellystar321]

.

[milo-is-rambling]

Quick Netflix play the Tuca and Bertie episode where Bertie has intrusive pastry pete memory/fantasy masturbation and then has panic attacks and tries to get rid of her vibe and her bed to magically fix herself. Umm. No reason why I wanna watch that one tho. It’s fine. No comment.

[our-lady-of-mcr]

everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

[navxry]

Was contemplating on whether I should send this already or nah but eh yolo, here's my thank you gift for everything, from the notes, asks, interactions, everything, and no yall wont ever catch me going sentimental ever, real, I'm so strong and brave LMAO. Have a good hunt!!!

ANSYYYYYY SOBBING SHUT UP /pos

IM ABOUT TO FUCKING CRY??? THIS IS SO PRETTY AND I SEE THAT LITTLE SHIT (/aff) HELP ME

OUGH but fr no, thank YOU for entertaining my nonsense during your faceless Ayato era till the end. I really wished I saw you before during the idol era for that Pantalone matchup (would've foreshadowed my fate sooner BAHAHAHAHAHA) AND I SWEAR IM GOING INSANE BECAUSE YOU FORESHADOWED ME WITH SCARA BAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm going to cry oh my God /pos THANK YOU ANSYYYY I LOVE IT UE UE UE

[seventh-district]

wow!!! nothing better than watching your AO3 subscribers stat go down every time you post a new chapter of your current fic!!!

[nthflower]

Sometimes I want to rant about something small and criticise something I don't have strong opinions about but I also know people have really strong opinions about this (and I don't blame them I can understand them problem is not this) and they are sometimes reply my post (again no problems I love people sharing their opinions to me I have no judgement) but think is they are very angry and I am not and I actually enjoy it and actually we are not in same frequency in our rant here.

Tldr I wanna rant sometimes about small things complain a little and it turns into immediately super negative place while I was mostly not caring soo I can't complain about small things :(

[crystalkitty1220]

I’m planning on making an incorrect summary of ibvs and this was one of the first ideas i had

THIS REMINDS ME OF THE TIME I WAS BORED IN CLASS AND WASTED LIKE TWENTY PAGES OF MY NOTEBOOK BY SCRIPTING A "IBVS IN A NUTSHELL" THING

tags are just me being nostalgic