#am I excited. idk. mostly I feel terrified and confused.

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

leaving for college tomorrow... it doesn't feel real at all :')

[idle-daydreams]

idk if you’re doing oc-reader requests. But uh…yeah

could you do a Yandere fyodor with a reader inspired by my oc, Nera?

the gist is, she’s the guardian of the book(the one everyone wants). However, she has a deep rooted loyalty to the agency. The only thing rivaling that loyalty, would be her love for Sigma, one of the few she views as family. She’s distrustful of people, but still nice to people she knows and likes. Her ability allows her to feel the emotions of others, but she’s very sensitive to it. She usually wears mostly back formal wear, liking pants better so she can defend herself if need be

[A.N.: Sorry for being so late, I've been busy with midterms. Hope you like it!]

Rat And Mouse

Tw: Yandere, kidnapping, manipulation, mentions of murder and torture.

Nobody knew about your connection to the Book.

It was something you’d never discussed - not with the agency, despite your loyalty to them; not even with Sigma, though he’d been born of its pages. You’d kept your head down, continuing to pretend that you were just another Agency member, just an ordinary person with a near-useless Ability. It was worth more than your life if anyone found out.

And yet somehow, Fyodor did.

You cowered before him as much as you could while tied to a chair. Though the room was cold, your skin was slick with sweat, hair hanging loose around your face. Your head was still a little fuzzy, but you were certain you’d been chloroformed in your apartment.

The man sitting before you smiled serenely, one leg crossed over the other.

“Be calm, dorogaya,” he said.

You grimaced. Your ability allowed you to feel other peoples’ emotions, yet you could sense nothing from him. Not anger, nor excitement, nothing.  It was as though he wasn’t a real person, but an empty doll with blank eyes and an unsettling smile.

It was unnatural, inhuman, and utterly terrifying.

“What do you want?” you said, trying to keep your voice from quavering.

Fyodor spread out his pale fingers. “Come now, I know they do not hire idiots at your Agency. Do you believe I do not know about your connection to the Book?”

Your heart leapt to your throat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said, trying to inject as much confusion as you could into your voice.

Fyodor smiled. “How disappointing.”

He stood up. You’d never seen Fyodor Dostoevsky in person before. In photos he’d seemed unimpressive – a pale, thin man with lanky hair and a tired expression. But what those pictures had failed to capture was the malice of his demeanour, the aura of darkness that hung around him. It was almost palpable, making your flesh crawl as he came closer.

“Please,” you said. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just an innocent—”

“—secretary? Forgive me, but I do not believe you.”

You tensed as he placed a hand upon your face, expecting blinding pain before the oblivion of death overtook you. But nothing happened. His hand was ice-cold, but nothing else.

“I said to be calm,” he murmured. “I am not looking to kill you.” To your horror and confusion, he ran his hand through your hair in an almost gentle caress. “You are very beautiful. I should have noticed a piece of such monumental importance earlier.”

“I-I-” you began, “I’m not ly-”

“Ah, please do not. Sigma has already told me everything, so there is no need for you to lie any further.”

No. A leaden weight dropped in your stomach. Sigma wouldn’t have - he couldn’t have! ‘But he could,’ a treacherous voice in your head reminded you, ‘his Ability allows him to extract information from people with a touch, remember?’

You looked up to meet Fyodor’s indifferent gaze. “You’re lying.”

He shrugged. “Believe what you wish, dorogaya,” he said.

Then he turned and left the room.

You exhaled, mind racing a mile a minute. Sigma wouldn’t have betrayed you, even if he did have the ability to do so. He hated Fyodor, and had no reason to work with him ever since the Vampire Incident. But then, the only other person who’d known your secret was your ex – actually your first, and only – boyfriend, whom you hadn’t seen in several years, and whom Fyodor had no reason to contact unless he’d already suspected you of hiding something. And the only thing which would give him cause was...

‘No,’ you firmly told yourself. ‘It wasn’t Sigma. He would never betray me like that! I trust him with my life. Fyodor must have found out... some other way.’

You shook your head vehemently to convince yourself. It didn’t matter much at the moment anyway. What was more important was the fact that Fyodor would use you to find the Book. Though you were its Guardian, you possessed no supernatural link to it, only the knowledge of its location. Something that he could draw from you through torture.

You looked around. It was a small room. There was no window, no clock, no way to gauge the time. Fyodor had tied you up rather cruelly; the rope binding your wrists had been looped around your neck, so that you were forced to keep your arms bent at an unnatural angle to avoid strangling yourself. Your eyes welled with tears as the full extent of your plight hit you. Fyodor was a madman, a cruel and barbaric terrorist no matter how mildly he acted. Your ability was useless, your fighting skills non-existent - how were you going to get out of this alive?

‘Its fine,’ you told yourself. ‘The Agency will know that I’m missing. They’ll find me. I just have to hold it out till then.’

Your arms were burning, sweat beating your brow, when Fyodor returned.

“Ah, my bird has kept herself on her toes,” he said, as mildly as though he’d caught you in some trivial task. “I am glad my arrangement was not beyond your capabilities.”

“What do you want?” you said through gritted teeth. “I’m not telling you where the Book is no matter how matter what you do, so just forget about it.”

“No? That is quite the bold claim. Are you not afraid that I will hurt you?”

“It doesn’t matter.” You swallowed. “No matter how much you t-torture me or whatever. I’m not telling you anything.”

Fyodor nodded, looking only mildly disappointed. “I admire your resilience.” He reached for your hair again, running his fingers through it to straighten it out. “There is a lot about you that is to… admire.”

His words sent a chill down your spine. Fyodor movements were gentle, almost tender – more suited to a lover than to a lunatic. You tried to pull your head out of reach, only for him to pause with a raised brow.

“You do not like it?” he said. “Apologies.”

He stepped away. You followed his movements nervously as he began fiddling with the things on the sideboard. “Tell me,” he began, as there was the clink of glass, followed by the sound of pouring liquid. “Determined as you are to keep the location of the Book from me – what makes you think I do not already know?”

“What?”

You started. Fyodor turned back to you, a full wine-glass in his hand.

“Would you like something to drink?” he said, proffering the glass to you.

“No,” you said distractedly, ignoring the dryness in your throat. “What do you mean, you already know? You know where the Book is?”

Fyodor slowly took a sip of the wine as he strolled over to you. That faint, awful smile danced upon his bloodless lips as he leaned closer. “Well, we have used a page from it before,” he said softly. “Did you not wonder where and how we got it?”

Your heart skipped a beat. Your position as Guardian meant that you knew the Book’s location, but you had no way of knowing if someone had removed it from its place. If Fyodor had somehow found it…

“Ah, I have agitated you. I am sorry for that.” He held out the glass to you once again. The wine smelled enticing; it was a deep red colour, almost the rich red of blood in the dim light. Yet your stomach roiled at the sight of it. Fyodor had the Book… if Fyodor had the Book, then the world was already as good as done for.

You met his soulless eyes, and dropped your gaze to the floor.

“You’re lying,” you said miserably, trying to think of what to do next. It was your worst nightmare; to be battling wits against one of the smartest terrorists in the world.

“Why would I lie?” Fyodor casually circled behind you, tracing a finger across the rope around your neck. You braced yourself yet again, imagining his finger slicing your throat.

“If you already had the Book, you wouldn’t need me,” you said, biting back the scream that threatened to erupt from your lips. “You’d already be halfway already to your next awful scheme.”

“Oh?” He ran his fingers along the base of your neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. “And what makes you think that you are not part of that scheme?”

‘It can’t be.’ Your heart drummed painfully against your ribs. The door before you seemed to dance, the shadows in the corners laughing at your misfortune. “You – I’m only as important as the Book. The only reason you could want me is because of the Book. There’s no other reason.”

“Before the vastness of God, everybody is insignificant. But for sinners such as us, there might be other reasons.”

Something simmered beneath your skin, a faint flicker of an emotion so dark, so twisted, it made you feel ill.

Desire.

Lust.

Obsession.

It disappeared in a flash, as though dragged back into the void.

“I will give you a chance to make your own decision,” Fyodor murmured from behind you. There was a soft swish, and the pressure on your neck and wrists slackened. You slowly pulled your hands to your lap, realizing what had happened.

“You’re letting me go?”

Fyodor stepped back into your field of vision. “I told you; I am giving you a chance to make your own decision.” He pointed at the door. “You wish to leave? Leave.”

You stared at him, alarm bells ringing in your head. “What are you planning? You’re planning something.”

He smiled that awful, soulless smile of his. “It would not do to reveal all of my secrets, yes? You must figure out some things for yourself.”

You looked from him to the door, then back. There was no point in arguing with him. Fyodor hadn’t become who he was by being honest or transparent. There wasn’t a chance in hell that this wasn’t part of some elaborate strategy – but this was also your only chance to escape.

You stood up slowly, joints stiff after the prolonged restraint. “I don’t – whatever you’re planning,” you began guardedly, as you began backing towards the door, “but you’d better drop it. I’m not so stupid as to lead you to the Book.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to be.”

“So—” You broke off as you bumped into the door. You were wasting time. Fyodor watched as you fumbled with the doorknob, making no attempts to stop you. His eyes – those empty, all-knowing eyes – chilled you to the bone. You looked away as you flung open the door, fleeing the room. There was a narrow corridor that led down a flight of stairs, but you barely paid your surroundings any heed in your desperation to leave. 

‘I have to get to the Agency,’ you thought. ‘I have to tell them about the Book. And I need to go check up on the Book, see if it is still safe. It has to be – I’d have known otherwise!’

But an awful thought hit you just as you reached the front door. What if Fyodor did have the Book?

“What is it?”

Fyodor spoke from behind you. You jumped; you hadn’t realized he’d caught up to you.

“Nothing.” You spun towards him, hand still gripping the door-knob. “I – stay away from me!”

He raised his hands in a placating gesture. “I have done nothing,” he said. “That door is unlocked; you are free to leave. Why do you not do so?”

“Because you brought me here!” Wrung by a sudden jolt of anxiety, you threw open the door. A blast of cold wind hit you; it was night, a chill wind howling through the trees. A snow-covered landscape surrounded you, a foreign horizon visible from the distance.

“Where are we?” you said with dread.

“Siberia.” Fyodor cocked his head. “I did bring you here. But even I can make mistakes sometimes, can I not? Or do you consider me incapable of fault?”

“No! But—” Your head spun. You hadn’t drunk the wine; you hadn’t ingested anything back in the room. Were you still suffering the aftereffects of having been drugged? Or had Fyodor done something to you?

“But you said that I was part of your scheme,” you said, rubbing your temple. “Don’t tell me you realized your mistake in the last five minutes. So it stands to reason that letting me go is part of your plan.”

“Is it? What if you’ve already told me what I need to know?”

“Because I haven’t told you anything!”

“Haven’t you?”

“I—” You ground your teeth. You didn’t know. You didn’t know what Fyodor wanted. But if he was simply done with you then he would have killed you, which meant that letting you go was part of his plan. He was either hoping for you to lead him to the Book, or he was somehow using you to get to the Agency. There was no way to tell unless you wrenched it out of him.

You looked at him, and felt yet again, that faint prickle of desire radiating off of him. He claimed to be a human… and humans were capable of more than just fault. They could hunger, for more than just food or water. They could desire, and be swayed by it.

“You… want me,” you said slowly.

Fyodor smiled. “The awful thing is that beauty is mysterious as well as terrible. God and the devil fight; and the battlefield is the heart of man.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Is it not obvious?”

It wasn’t. The only obvious thing was that he trying to trick you, to manipulate you somehow. Whether or not Fyodor was attracted to you – and the idea made you both want to laugh and scream – his main motive was the Book and the eventual destruction of the world.

‘I can’t stand against him,’ you thought. ‘If I try to foil him directly, he’d crush me. But if I stay close to him, I may be able to get a hint of his plans, enough to take down the Decay of Angels for good. I could just pretend that I’m f-falling for him or something. So long as I don’t reveal anything about the Book, it’ll be fine.’

It was a sickening thought. The very idea of staying close to Fyodor filled you with dread; pretending to be his lover was straight-up repulsive. And the longer you stayed with him, the more you were at his mercy.

But you were a member of the Agency. And you were a Guardian of the Book. And if that meant putting your life on the line, you were willing to do it.

You took a deep breath.

“You want me,” you said, fighting down the panic clawing in your chest. “That’s why you brought me here. And you’re letting me go because—?”

“I brought you here in a fit of passion, but it is obvious that you don’t want to be with me. And I do not want a woman to submit to me by force.”

“That’s considerate of you,” you said carefully. “But I hope it isn’t a lie. You really have no interest in the Book?”

His smile widened. “Even if I swear on my life that I am not lying, would you believe me?”

‘Fair point.’ “So if I walk away, you’d just let me go?”

Fyodor gestured towards the snow-covered woods in response.

You bit your lip. “And how far are we from the nearest airport? How am I to get home?”

“Are you really asking me that?” he said, raising a brow.

“I don’t fancy travelling through the snow at night by myself. Your guidance is as good as flailing around blind.”

He inclined his head. “True. Well, we are far from the nearest city, at least a couple of days on foot. In any case you would find it difficult to go home from there — you have no documents on you, after all.” He slyly cocked his head to the side. “My private transport will be here in a couple of weeks; you are welcome to stay with me until then.”

The revulsion deepened. But you forced yourself to nod politely. “Then… I guess I have no choice but to stay.”

“A difficult decision.”

“But—”

The words stuck in your throat. How could you talk about living with a murderous psychopath like him? How could you simply state your demands as though hashing out a deal with a roommate?

Fyodor stepped up to you, leaning to whisper in your ear. “Do not worry, dorogaya,’ he said softly, his breath tickling your ear. “I will not force you in any manner. Anything you do will be entirely by your own will.”

You shivered. His presence pressed upon you like a shroud. ‘This is just a game,’ you reminded yourself. ‘A game of cat and mouse. Just play along for a while and you can bury this guy.’

“Thank you,” you said out loud. “Could you please step aside?”

Fyodor pulled away. You threw a glance over your shoulder, at the stars twinkling in the night sky. Then, squaring your shoulders, you stepped into the Rat’s Lair.

[snowdice]

Big Bang (Sort of) Editing Story [Day 68]

I started writing this fic while editing my Big Bang story, but am going to continue doing it for other things now that Kill Dear is out. I will write and publish 100 words of the story every time I finish doing whatever task I’m doing. If you’d like to block these proceedings, please feel free to block the tag proofread stories. I will reblog this post with the parts of the story I do today. Edited chapters are linked; everything else I’ve done so far is under the cut.

My Master Post Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30

Had an early doctor’s appointment today so I’m tired, and the tests done made things feel worse, so idk how long this is going to go, but I want to get at least a bit of my work done. Also brain is not running at full capacity... so if I just disappear it means I forgot I was doing something, laid down, and fell asleep and/or zoned out.

Chapter 31

Logan waited for a while after Patton left to check on Virgil, but the two never resurfaced. It was odd, Patton would usually remember to come back and get Logan or at least tell them where they were. With a sigh, Logan climbed to his feet to go find them. It took him a while to weave his way through the maze of bushes to them especially because they were suspiciously quiet (Well, suspicious for Patton. Virgil was often unnervingly quiet when alone.) Luckily, he knew the bushes enough after all of these years not to get lost and managed to find the two after a few minutes.

“Ah,” he said, immediately identifying the reason for Patton disappearing.

 “Logan!” Patton said, his voice excited, but also quieter than normal. “We found a kitty!”

“I can see that,” Logan responded, taking a step closer. The cat hissed at him in response. The hissing was so intense and wild that he’d suspect the thing was feral if it wasn’t happily on Virgil’s lap having had it’s head in Patton’s lap before Logan had approached.

“No,” Virgil told the animal as though it could understand words. “That’s Logan. Be nice.”

The cat still glared at him and swished it’s tail back and forth threateningly. Virgil pet the top of it’s head and it broke eye contact with Logan to purr.

 Patton seemed delighted by the purring, reaching to stroke under the thing’s chin carefully. “We should give her a name!” Patton said.

Virgil frowned. “I thought her name was Ghost Kitty.”

“That is ‘Ghost Kitty’?” Logan asked skeptically. From what Patton had said about that cat, it was terrified of people and no one could ever get near it, even him. Now it was in Virgil’s lap?

“But that was a temporary name,” Patton said, “for before we officially met her. Now we have to give her a real name.”

“Do not give it a name,” Logan said. “You will get attached.”

 “How do you name a cat?” Virgil asked.

“Do not name it,” Logan said.

“You give them names based on their personalities, how they look, or even just because it’s a cute name,” Patton explained. “Like, remember Mittens? I named her Mittens because she has white fur and black paws!”

Virgil looked at the cat. “She’s completely black,” he said.

Patton hummed. “So, we could give her a name based on that like Midnight or Shadow.”

“Those are fine,” Virgil said.

“No, no,” Patton said. “I’m just giving you examples. You get to name her yourself.”

“This is a bad idea,” Logan said.

 “Just throw out some names,” Patton said. “Anything you can think of.”

“Uh,” Virgil said. “Knife.”

“…Just Knife?” Patton asked.

“Nightmare.” Virgil seemed to think about it. “No, that’s mean.”

“How about things you like?” Patton suggested.

“Alfredo?”

Oh no, Logan thought, he was worse than Patton at cat naming.

“Good start,” Patton said. “Logan, do you have any suggestions.”

“Cat,” Logan said.

“Real suggestions,” Patton scolded.

Logan sighed and thought for a moment. “Aphrodite.”

“Catphrodite!”

Logan glared at him. “Helena.”

“Helenpaw.”

“Claudia.”

“Clawdia.”

“Persephone.”

Patton smiled at him, cheerfully.

“…Damnit!”

Patton turned to Virgil again. “Like that! They don’t even have to be serious. Like, uh, you could name her Madam Fluffywuffykins the Great!”

“Do not name her that,” Logan said, scrunching up his nose.

 Logan sat on the ground, the cat eyeing him, but no longer hissing. Logan gently guided them towards more sensible names despite Patton trying his hardest to drag them into stupidity.

Virgil still didn’t quite get it. He mostly tried to name it after foodstuff, and often not even appropriate foodstuff such as “Corn” and “Acorn Squash” and “Sandwich” and occasionally would drop in semi violent ones such as “Razor,” “Nightshade” and “Void.” Patton suggested names like “Fluffers,” “Bobette” and “Darling” as well as some that were puns. Logan tried to direct them towards more sensible ones like “Salem” and even went so low as to suggest the contrary “Snowball.”

 It quickly seemed to become less about actually naming the cat and more of a game. Patton had taught Virgil about playing with cats and had even gotten out a ball of yarn he cared around for his crafts. Both Virgil and the cat seemed to find endless entertainment with that. Logan hoped Patton had another ball of yarn that color because, he was never going to get that ball back.

The barrage of names fizzled out into naming things around them like “Leaf” and “Bush” until they stopped suggesting names altogether. Patton and Logan sat back and watched Virgil play with the cat.

 Logan watched as they stopped playing suddenly and Virgil and the cat squinted at each other. “Marisol,” Virgil said, pulling the name out of nowhere. “That’s her name.” He said it with a certainty that was surprising considering how he’d treated the naming process with confusion and caution earlier. If Logan did not know better, his tone of voice would indicate that the cat, or Marisol he guessed, had gotten bored of them coming up with stupid names and decided to tell him her actual name herself.

The cat made a sound and batted at Virgil’s face without claws to grab back his attention.

 He turned back to it and bopped its face with a finger in kind. It attacked his finger, but in a clearly playful matter as it still did not extend it’s claws and its teeth did not draw blood.

“That’s a great name, Virgil,” Patton said.

“Much more pleasant than any that Patton suggested all afternoon,” Logan said. He received an elbow to the side for his quip.

“A pretty name for a pretty kitty,” Patton said, scooting over to where Virgil was sat and attempting to pet Marisol’s head. Marisol, however, was too keyed up and batted at the hand.

 “I love you too!” Patton said.

Logan rolled his eyes, but he had long since resigned himself to watching the two of them play with and coo over the cat for the rest of the day.

Eventually, though, it started to get darker. Even after Logan pointed this out, it still took over an hour for them to relent and leave the bush maze to go to the door. The problem was of course, that the cat had managed to grow very attached to Virgil in the last few hours and she followed them all the way to the door with manipulatively heart breaking mews.

 “You’ve got to stay out here,” Virgil said, when they got to the castle door. He pet her ear softly and she shoved her head into his hand. “I’m sorry. I don’t have anywhere to put you.” He sounded horribly sad about that fact and Logan felt himself shift uncomfortably. “I basically live in a closet and Logan doesn’t like cats in his room anyway.”

Logan immediately felt unreasonably guilty, probably more so because Logan did not think Virgil was trying to make him feel guilty. “…Bring the dammed thing inside.”

Virgil blinked up at him. “What?”

“It will get cold soon anyway,” Logan said.

He frowned at Logan from where he was crouched. “But you don’t like fur in your room…”

“I will have to find a potion that works,” he said with a sigh, “and we’ll have to say it’s mine to the guards and Father since it will be staying in my room, but it is yours in every other way. That means you are going to feed it, clean it, and clean up after it.”

Virgil nodded immediately and swooped Marisol up in his arms. The cat went without complaint. “Thank you!” he said. “I love her.”

“I know you do,” Logan said, already regretting it already. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to even consider recanting the offer considering how happy Virgil seemed to be. They had a cat now, he guessed.

  Chapter 32

“What are you doing?” Helen asked a few minutes after her son walked into the kitchen and started looking around as though he were trying to find something. It was a few hours into the afternoon, and she and a few workers were already prepping for dinner.

“Uh,” Patton said. “Have you seen Virgil?”

“No,” Helen said. “Why.”

“Er… Logan and I sorta, lost him,” Patton said. He was wringing his hands anxiously. Helen put down the knife in her hand.

“What do you mean you lost him?” she asked.

“Well, see, we were trying to teach him how to play hide and seek, um, but then we didn’t think to tell him that he eventually had to come out if we didn’t find him, and now we haven’t seen him since breakfast.”

 “He didn’t know what tag is?” she asked. That was just one more thing to add to the list of why Helen worried about Virgil and where he came from. Every morsel of information she’d managed to wring from Patton despite his evasions made her lists of concerns grow larger, even little things like him not knowing about simple childhood games. Actually, thinking of concerning things having to do with Virgil. “Wait, so he hasn’t eaten lunch.”

“Um, we don’t know that,” Patton’s mouth said while his eyes said ‘no.’

“He needs to be on a consistent diet, especially when he’s still taking the malnutrition potion,” she scolded.

 “I know, Mama, I know,” Patton said. “I’m trying to find him. I’d kinda hoped he’d gotten hungry and snuck down here. He probably wouldn’t want to risk being caught stealing food though.”

Helen grimaced. Yet another concerning thing.

“Wait! I have an idea, I’ll be right back.” Patton turned and ran out of the room. Helen frowned at the space he’d been and finished chopping the carrot on the cutting board in front of her. If it had been any other person in the castle missing, Helen wouldn’t have worried, but she had literally never seen Virgil without Patton and/or Logan by his side. Even when he’d gone to help Jeff can some fruit, Logan had reportedly hung around to read a book.

 Considering that Logan had never exactly been clingy even with Patton, she imagined that either Virgil asked, or Logan thought he should stay with him for his comfort. So, she was surprised that he was apparently hidden away somewhere in the castle where neither of the other kids could find him.

Still thinking about this, she walked over to the entrance to the cellar below the kitchen where they stored most of the vegetables, planning to grab some more carrots. She was confused for a moment when she heard movement from deeper in the pantry. She reached over and touched the panel near the door that controlled the magic lights.

 The newly illuminated figure startled as the lights came on, whipping around to stare at her with wide eyes.

“Virgil?” she asked.

“Sorry,” he said immediately, taking a step back.

“It’s fine,” she said immediately, “but what are you doing here?”

He considered her for a long moment, but apparently, she passed some sort of mental test, because he relaxed, at least as much as he’d ever relaxed in her presence. “Where are we?” he asked.

Her brow knit together. “The cellar under the kitchen,” she said, “You don’t know that?”

He shook his head.

“The only entrance is from the kitchen.” Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t seen him go through the kitchen at any point.

 “No, it’s not,” Virgil said. “There’s a tunnel.”

“A-a tunnel?” she asked. Actually, taking a closer look at him, he seemed a bit grimy. He had dust all over his front and dirt on his nose. She thought he might even have a couple of cobwebs in his hair.

“Yep,” he said.

“Where’s the tunnel?” she asked.

“It’s right over here,” he said. He took a couple of steps and pointed to the ground. There was an open square hole there that clearly had been made a long time ago but which she had never noticed in all of her time working here.

 “How did you find this?” she asked.

“We were playing hide and seek,” Virgil explained. “Logan said I could hide anywhere inside the castle. I hid on top of a dresser upstairs in some unused sitting room. There was a hole in the wall above it, so I climbed into it. Then, I crawled a little bit and it let out into a hidden passage in the walls. I wandered around in it until I found another hole in one of the walls. I thought it was a way out, so I squeezed into it, but it took me to a different hallway where I found an old room. There was a different hole in that room that had probably been covered by something because it was in the floor but whatever it was had rotted away. I crawled though it into a tunnel and came out here.”

 She couldn’t help but laugh a bit at his explanation. “Well, it sounds like you went on an adventure,” she said, “but Patton and Logan have been trying to find you. You missed lunch.”

He tilted his head at her. “I know. I was supposed to hide.”

“Yes,” she explained, “but you are supposed to come out at some point if they can’t find you for things like food.”

“Oh,” he said.

“They probably should have explained,” she said. “For now, why don’t we get you something to eat? You must be hungry.”

Virgil frowned. “But I missed lunch.”

“You can still eat even though it’s not in normal hours,” she said. “You could even if you had made it to lunch.”

 “Really?” he asked, he looked tragically confused by this offer.

“Of course, sweetie,” she said. “In fact, I insist you get something good to eat right now. How about I made you a grilled ham and cheese sandwich? Maybe some cookies too!”

Virgil titled his head. “You are Patton’s mother,” he stated.

Helen laughed softly. “He gets its all from me,” she said. “We should probably go find him and tell him you’re okay. He was worried.”

“I didn’t mean to worry him,” Virgil said with a frown.

“I know,” Helen said. “It’s okay. He’ll probably laugh when he figures out where you’ve been, and Logan will interrogate you all about the secret passageways.” He seemed happy about the prospect of seeing his friends. “Come on, let’s go upstairs for a bit,” she said.

  Chapter 33

Patton’s mom had already made Virgil sit down at the small table in the corner of the kitchen and had handed him a sandwich by the time Patton barreled into the kitchen, Logan coming after him at a more sedate pace.

“Virgil!” he said, sounding surprised and relieved.

“Patton,” Patton’s mom scolded. “No cats in the kitchen.” Patton had brought Marisol in with him and had let her go as soon as he’d seen Virgil. She immediately plodded over to him and hoped onto the table to sniff at his face in greeting.

“But she’s the princess!” Patton argued.

“No,” Logan said.

 “Yes, she is!” Patton said.

“The stupid cat is not a princess.”

“Don’t be mean to your little sister, Logan.”

“I regret every life decision that has led me to this point.”

While Logan and Patton were distracted squabbling and Patton’s mom was distracted watching them squabble, Virgil tore off a bit of the ham in his sandwich and offered it to Marisol. Marisol gracefully took it from his grip and ate it.

“So, this is Logan’s new cat I’ve been hearing about?” Patton’s mom asked.

“Indeed,” Logan said, his lips thinned. He and Marisol were mostly amicable when alone with just them and Virgil, but Patton had a habit of cooing over the kitten and needling Logan into being irritated.

 “Mmm, yeah,” Patton’s mom said. She glanced over at Virgil right as Marisol basically slammed her face into his chin in a bid to get pets. “Your cat.” She shook her head. “But Princess Kitten or not, I do not want fur in dinner,” she said.

“Sorry,” Patton said, honestly not sounding sorry at all. Virgil was always a bit surprised when the insolent shrug garnered nothing more that a scowl that did not reach Patton’s mom’s eyes. “I thought she could help me find Virgil, but you already found him.” He turned to Virgil. “Where have you been all day?”

 “Found a tunnel,” Virgil said. He had to use one hand to hold Marisol back from his sandwich as he took another bite, but then gave her a bite of cheese.

“You found what?” Logan asked.

“There’s a tunnel under the cellar,” Virgil said. “It goes to an old closed up room and also to a set of secret passageways.” It was a bit of a security risk honestly, though clearly no one had used it in years by how dirty it was. He did plan to go back into it and make sure the sprawling tunnels didn’t go to anywhere more dangerous like the royal wing.

 “A closed-up room?” Logan said. He could see a bit of curiosity already building in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Virgil said. “Where the door used to be seemed like it had been bricked over.”

“Really? Can you show me.”

“Sure,” Virgil answered.

“Ah, perhaps we should be a bit more cautious about climbing through random tunnels we don’t know the stability of,” Patton’s mom said.

Logan’s frown edged on a pout.

“Talk to your father,” she said. “I’m sure he can get someone who understands these things so you can safely investigate.”

“It was safe enough for Virgil,” Logan pointed out.

 “No, Logan.”

He sighed but seemed to concede. That was another strange thing about living here. By all rights Logan didn’t have to obey anyone except the king, but he often listened to those around him, not just the adults but Patton as well. It was interesting though it sometimes made the hierarchy hard to figure out. Virgil did sometimes stress out about the hypothetical situation where he got conflicting orders from two people, and he wouldn’t know which one to obey. So far it hadn’t been a problem luckily. They always seemed to work it out amongst themselves in some give and take social interaction that was a bit too complex for him to understand.

 Patton walked over to where Virgil was sitting. “I’m glad your safe,” he said. “We should probably put a time limit on hide and seek in the future, so you know when to come out.”

“Did I win?” Virgil asked. He’d honestly forgotten they’d been playing a game until Patton’s mom had asked how he’d found his way into the cellar.

Patton laughed. “I’d say so, yeah,” he replied. He leaned over to kiss Virgil’s forehead, but drew back immediately with a pinched expression. “You are… very dirty,” he said, rubbing his mouth.

Virgil nodded. “Your mom made me sit on a tablecloth,” he said gesturing to the fabric she’d laid over the chair.

 Patton snorted out a laugh. “We’ll get you into the bath when you’re done eating and you can tell us all about your little adventure.”

“I would also like to hear about your discoveries,” Logan said. “Though you are not allowed to sit on the bed until you do not have spider webs in your hair.”

Patton’s eyes widened and he jumped away from Virgil, startling both Virgil and Marisol. The latter hopped from the table onto Virgil’s lap. “Spiders?!”

Virgil tilted his head at him in confusion.

“He isn’t a fan of spiders,” Logan informed him, his voice amused at Patton’s reaction.

 Apparently deciding that she was no longer startled, but more confused by the noises Patton had just made, Marisol jumped out of Virgil’s lap to investigate, wrapping her way around Patton’s legs. He bent down to pat her back, though he still looked a bit startled.

“Your cat, huh?” Patton’s mom asked Logan once again. Virgil studied her. She had apparently missed Logan mentioning that he allowed Virgil on the bed. Or perhaps Logan was correct in his insistence that it wasn’t actually that big of a deal here. Virgil would rather not test that assumption, however, so was glad that it had been distracted from by Patton’s outburst.

 “Creepy, crawly death dealers,” Patton mumbled into Marisol’s fur, having picked her back up. Virgil made a note to not inform Patton of all of the different types of spiders he’d seen skittering around in the castle walls today. Maybe he’d talk about them with Logan once Patton left. He’d probably be interested. Virgil had seen some he’d never seen before! Logan probably could even help him figure out what their names were. “You’ll protect me, won’t you kitty?” Patton asked Marisol.

She made a little ‘burrrr’ sound in response, which Patton seemed to take a confirmation.

“Aw thank you, baby! Such a good baby.”

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Virgil popped the rest of the sandwich into his mouth. Patton’s mom turned away and grabbed a plate stacked with cookies. She handed it to Logan. “Take these, and please get the health hazards out of my kitchen,” she requested.

Logan took them without complaint. “Come on, Virgil,” he said. “Let’s go get you clean.”

“We’re going to need so much soap,” Patton said.

Virgil looked down at himself. “I can go outside and get most of it off if you get me a bucket of water,” he offered.

“Virgil, it’s below freezing,” Logan said as though that had a baring on what he’d just said. Logan sighed. “No. Bathtub.” Virgil shrugged. “Honestly,” Logan said. He turned with the plate of cookies in his hand, clearly expecting to be followed. “You’re not going to catch your death pouring a bucket of water over yourself in the cold when there are literally over a hundred perfectly good bathtubs in this castle. For goodness sakes.” And well, Virgil wasn’t going to complain.

  Chapter 34

Patton, to be completely honest, was not all that interested in the room that Virgil had found. Beyond just the fact that it would definitely have creepy crawly death dealers in it, he really did not understand the intrigue. If it had just been him, he probably would have just let a castle worker deal with it, but it was not just him. Logan was ecstatic with the prospect of investigating a secret in the castle. People who didn’t know him well may not believe it considering he spent most of his time with his nose in a book, but he was an adventurer at heart.

 Thomas had been easily swayed into finding someone to help tear down part of the wall into the secret tunnel near the room (so no one would have to crawl through the kitchen cellar like Virgil). It had taken a few days, however, and Logan was practically bouncing off the walls waiting. Virgil, despite having already seen the room before, also seemed excited, though if that was because of his own curiosity or because he was just excited that Logan seemed so exited remained to be seen.

“They are silly, aren’t they,” Patton asked Princess Marisol. He was laying on his stomach on Logan’s bed and Princess Marisol had just put her little paw on his nose.

 “Yes, I agree,” he said. “Don’t they know that we’re literally going to be 2 feet away from the normal hallway?”

“It is not silly,” Logan defended himself. “Any number of things could go wrong.” He sounded far too excited about the prospect of something going terribly wrong. “The tunnels could cave in and block off the exit or there could be some unknown pathogen in the air.”

Patton did not ruin his fun by mentioning that Logan’s dad had definitely basically baby proofed the tunnels for them ahead of time. Instead, he just said, “Don’t let Virgil hear you say that sort of thing. It will just stress him out.”

 “Yes, yes, of course,” he said, waving off Patton’s concerns as he mulled over two different weird green planty things (potion ingredients, Patton assumed) before setting one aside and sticking the other in his bag.

“So silly,” Patton cooed at the cat. Logan let out a huff but did not choose to say anything about it this time.

Speaking of silly, Virgil came back from Logan’s bathroom then, and Patton tried not to giggle. “Is this right?” Virgil asked, sounding and looking confused. Logan, in his overexcitement about adventure had commissioned Virgil an outfit that actually fit. Said outfit, however, very much made it look more like Virgil was going on a safari instead of a two-foot detour from the normal castle hallway.

 “Almost,” Logan said, “Here, let me.” Logan started straightening everything out and flattening the collar, reminding Patton of an overbearing parent on picture day. Virgil accepted the fussing without protest. It was adorable. Well, the outfit was ridiculous, but still, adorable. “There,” Logan said. “I think we’re ready to go now.”

It was about time. Patton was sure people were already waiting for them downstairs. Patton got up and patted Princess Marisol on the head. She looked up at them with interest.

“You can stay here, sweetie,” Patton told here. She seemed to consider it and then hopped down from the bed to go rub up against Virgil.

 Patton guessed she was coming. It didn’t matter too much since Logan had given her a magical collar that allowed her to open most doors in the castle and everyone knew she was the royal cat now, so if she decided she wanted to come back to the room and nap, she could. (She was very aware of the power she held.)

She pranced happily by Virgil’s side all the way down the steps to the first floor of the castle. She was such a good kitty.

Well, she did hiss angrily at everyone who came too close to them, but still, a very good kitty.

 Patton did lean down and pick her up so they could actually talk to the man waiting for them at the large hole in the wall. Logan went to talk to the castle worker while Virgil half hid behind Patton. He was clearly listening very intently to the conversation however, at least more intently than Patton was. Patton was busy shaking his head fondly.

“Yes, yes, Princess,” he said to the cat. “I know we do not trust the strangers, but I promise this stranger is perfectly safe.”

“How do you know?” Virgil asked.

“His name is Chester and I’ve known him since I was 9.”

 This seemed to slightly alleviate Virgil’s suspicion, but Princess Marisol still seemed antsy. Patton really needed to start slowly introducing the both of them to more people.

Logan finished talking with Chester after a few moments and it was time to climb through the hole in the wall. He wished he saw in the tunnel whatever Logan with his excited eyes and bounce to his step obviously saw. Or even that was more comfortable in the dark closed in space as Virgil obviously was. As it was, Patton’s nose scrunched up at the thought off all of the spiders that could be living everywhere in the secret tunnel, but he pushed through.

 The entrance to the tunnel had been made only a little bit from the room Virgil had mentioned and Chester had led them through it after only a couple of seconds. As Patton had suspected, the room was already lit up and probably cleaned a little bit by the people who had cut into the wall, not that he was complaining.

Virgil was still clinging a bit to Patton’s shirt, though it seemed to be less out of anxiety at this point and more out of a desire to stick close. He was peering around curiously at the lit-up space. He probably hadn’t seen much of it in the dark when he’d been here before.

 Yet, his curiosity was nothing compared to how excited Logan seemed to be. Now Patton may have not been interested in the room itself, but he was entertained by how interested Logan was and was happy to encourage that.

“What do you think this place is?” he asked Logan.

Logan hummed contemplatively, eyes looking around. “Well,” he said. “It’s a bedroom clearly, and old. Considering the location it is in in the castle, the size, the decorations, and it’s likely age, I’d imagine it was a bedroom of a royal family member. This used to be the royal wing three royal lines ago.”

 “Bearing that in mind, there are a couple of likely possibilities for the origin of the room as well as the reason it was sealed up, but we will need to investigate more in order to come to an actual conclusion.” He had already placed the bag he’d brought on the ground and was going through it, pulling out things that Patton did not recognize. He also got a piece of paper and sat on the floor to start to sketch.

“What are you doing?” Virgil asked.

“I’m sketching the floorplan of the room,” Logan said. “I will then put a grid on it so we can investigate while being sure that we aren’t missing anything.”

 Virgil seemed uninterested in this part of the adventure, instead electing to go poking around by himself. Princess Marisol squirmed out of Patton’s arms to go follow him. Patton swore that he only looked away from those two for 5 seconds, but the next thing he knew he heard metal clicking against metal.

“Oh,” Patton said, eyes wide when he saw what Virgil was fiddling with. “Honey, you probably shouldn’t touch…”

The old but fancy looking chest that had been at the end of the remains of the bed creaked open. Virgil sneezed as a cloud of dust puffed out of it. “Huh,” he said studying the contents. “There’s a skull in here.”

 “Oh, I don’t like this adventure anymore,” Patton commented.

Logan was on his feet within moments. “Let me see,” he said eagerly.

“What if it’s cursed?” Patton pointed out.

“Then I’ll just break the curse,” Logan waved him off. “Oh, it’s just a horse skull,” Logan said, sounding disappointed. “And also what seemed to be potion ingredients. Though they seem very fresh considering the state of the room.”

“Maybe we should get someone else to…”

Logan already had both arms inside the chest and was pulling things out of it. “This chest must have some sort of stasis effect to it.”

 He started pulling things out to look at them before setting them on the floor with no caution. “Well,” he said, “that answers the question of what this room is.”

“It does?” Patton asked.

“Ah, yes, between the horse skull and the potion ingredients, this is obviously the bedroom of Princess Marianne Elicia. She was the third child of King Simon IV and was quite the fan of horses.”

“…So she kept a horse skull in a stasis chest in her bedroom?” Patton asked.

“Of course,” Logan said. “Back when her family was in power, magic was outlawed and had quite the stigma against it, but she ended up learning magic and become quite proficient.”

 “It’s debated what exactly happened when her father found out about her activities. Some sources say that she was executed silently by her father, but others say she managed to escape with the head of the stables but not before putting a curse on the country of Prijaznia. That is until she or one of her bloodline sits on the throne, every royal line will end in madness and blood by the 5th seated monarch before an heir is born.”

“Isn’t that something you should be worried about?” Virgil asked.

Logan shrugged. “It’s just a myth,” he said. “Besides I’m 6th in the line, so there really isn’t any concern.”

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“There are a lot of interesting things in here,” Logan said, still focused on the chest. “Not to mention the books. We’ll have to be careful with those though since they don’t appear to be in stasis.”

Logan pulled the horse skull out and set it on the floor making Patton wince.

“Marisol no!” he said as Princess Marisol immediately went to go sniff at it. He swooped her up in his arms. “How long are we staying in this creepy room?” Patton asked.

“Patton, we just got here,” Logan said.

“We just got here and already found a skull!”

“Yes! Exactly!”

Patton groaned into Princess Marisol’s fur even as she tried wiggle away to go back and investigate the skull. This was going to be a long day.

  Chapter 35

Logan was surprised when he woke up alone in bed. He’d grown to anticipate waking to a smaller body unrelentingly clinging to his in the past couple of weeks. Confused he sat up and peered around his bedroom. He wouldn’t have seen Virgil with the way he melted into the darkness if it he hadn’t heard the sound of purring coming from near the window. He could just barely make out a dark blob shifting up and down at the cat kneaded at a different blob sitting mostly hidden behind the thick curtain.

“Virgil?” Logan questioned. “What are you doing?”

 “It’s snowing,” was the answer.

“That is not an answer,” Logan grumbled at the ceiling. With a sigh, he pulled himself out of bed. It was a bit chilly in here, he thought. The temperature must have dipped suddenly and intensely enough that the runes keeping the castle at a warm enough temperature hadn’t caught up yet. He pulled one of the blankets off of the top of his bed to wrap around his shoulders as he approached the window. There wasn’t much light outside, the stars and moon covered by clouds, but there were some lanterns lit for the night guard who patrolled the outside. “Oh,” he said in surprise. “It’s really snowing.”

 It had been colder but not quite cold enough for snow to stick the day before, so it came as a surprise when he saw snow was piling up quite high to the point where familiar paths outside his window had disappeared.

“I don’t like it,” Virgil informed him.

“Why not?” Logan asked.

“It’s cold,” Virgil answered. It was clear in his tone that in Virgil’s opinion ‘cold’ was a horrible insult to the concept of snow. Logan quirked a half smile and his attention was drawn to the fact that it was quite cold right here close to the window.

 Frowning, he pulled at the blanket around his shoulder so he could wrap it and his arm around the lump that was Virgil. He brushed the boy’s hand when he did so and found it was like ice.

“You’re freezing!” Logan said. “How long have you been by the window?”

“I dunno,” he replied.

Logan was already tugging at him. “You need to get back in bed,” he said.

Virgil obeyed the pulling at his arms even as he frowned. “I’ve been colder than this before,” he said.

“That actually doesn’t make me feel better,” Logan replied dryly as he shooed him towards the bed.

 He took the thicker blanket that usually stayed folded at the end of the bed and pulled it up over Virgil before climbing into bed beside him.

“There,” Logan said, rubbing Virgil’s arms through the fabric of the sweater he wore to bed. He was glad he wasn’t wearing a t-shirt at least. “The runes for heating the castle should catch up within a few hours, but until then this should do. Assuming we don’t sit by the freezing window for an undetermined amount of time.”

“I don’t like the cold,” Virgil told him.

Logan sighed. “Then why did you sit by the window?”

 Virgil shrugged and ducked his head a bit. Logan reached out to grab his hands to help him warm more but was surprised when one of the hands was much warmer than the other. He found his fingers were clutching a crescent shaped stone: the protection charm they’d made. Logan knew that he kept it in his pocket most of the time, but he didn’t normally see him holding it like this. It was warm to the touch, of course, indicating the safety of the room around them.

Logan looked over his face. “Are you…” he said. “Scared of the snow?”

 “I don’t like the cold,” he said once again.

“You’re scared of the winter,” Logan concluded. He looked at Virgil who was far too small for his age and seemed surprised at every casual act of kindness. It was clear that his basic needs were far from being met before he came here. Logan had to wonder what winter usually meant for him. His experiences were doubtlessly very different from Logan’s own. “That makes sense,” he acknowledged, “but you don’t need to be scared of it here. The castle is always perfectly warm and safe in the winter and Mr. Deknis and Ms. Heart work hard during the other seasons to make sure we have plenty of food. There is nothing to fear here.”

 He did not seem convinced.

“You don’t even have to go outside if you don’t want to,” Logan promised. “The castle is plenty big if you’d like to stay inside all winter long. It was made for the winter even without the magic devices that keep it warm. We have fireplaces and well insulated rooms even if those that ends up failing.” Logan pulled open the hand that had the protection charm just to transfer it to his other hand to warm it. “Though, while no one would force you to go outside, the snow isn’t always bad.”

“Yes it is,” Virgil said, his voice sure.

 “Not all the time,” Logan insisted. “Some people love the snow.”

“They’re stupid.”

Logan laughed. “It can be fun for a while with the right equipment if you have someplace to get warm again afterwards. Royal duties slow down during the winter and Patton tends to come up with all sorts of games for both the inside and the outside to pass the time. He’s particularly proficient at snowball fights, at least against me.”

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Play fighting,” Logan answered. “Like pillow fights, but snow.”

“I’ll stick with the pillows,” he replied.

“And then there’s a hill to sled down on the western side of the castle, and people like to build snowmen along the path.”

“What are snowmen?” Virgil asked.

 They’re temporary statues made out of packed snow,” Logan explained. “Typically, they’re made of three different sized balls of snow: the largest being the base and the smallest the ‘head’ though there are some variations. After building them one typically decorates them with different articles of clothing and objects found lying around. It’s usually sticks and rocks for the face and then things like extra hats and scarfs for decoration.” He smiled softly. “When my Pa was alive, we used to steal my Dad’s crown and fanciest robes. Sometimes Pa would steal it right off of Dad’s head and we’d run away. We’d find a secluded area of the castle yards and build the biggest snowman we could as quickly as we could before we got caught. He’d usually end up letting us keep the robes, but we’d have to give the crown back since some of the metals in it would rust when wet.”

 “That sounds…” Virgil’s nose twitched. “fun if you take away the touching snow part.”

Logan laughed. “It is fun,” he said. “Even with the touching snow part. Though, I admit that some of the ability for it to be entertaining does come from the fact that we could warm up afterwards with ease. You’ll enjoy Patton’s mother’s constant offering of hot chocolate during the season even if you never go outside, I’m sure.”

“Hot chocolate?” Virgil asked intrigued. His dark eyes shone brightly in the little light coming through the window. It was clear he could guess something about the drink just by the name and enjoyed the implications.

 Logan smiled fondly. “It is a hot drink,” he explained. “It’s a warm drink made out of milk and chocolate. I can get you some to try in the morning.”

Virgil nodded, eyes still wide with interest.

“For now, we should sleep though,” Logan said. “Are you warm enough? I can get more blankets.”

“I’m fine,” he said.

“Good,” Logan said, reaching up and adjusting the blanket over them once more, tucking it around Virgil a little bit for good measure. “Goodnight Virgil,” he said.

“Goodnight,” he replied softly. Logan reached under the blankets to grab the hand that was still slightly chilly from the window between his own. Virgil’s eyes slipped closed after a moment as he nuzzle his face into the pillow. At some point they both drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 36

Thomas had already been well aware that winter was on the way, but he and the rest of the castle occupants had been surprised at how intensely and suddenly it had come on. Most things were ready for the winter, but not all of them had been initiated. The fireplaces that took some pressure off the castle heating runes were cleaned out and ready, but they hadn’t been started yet. The stables for different animals on the grounds had been checked over and staff assignments had been made, but most were still in far out fields. Staff that went home for the winter months had been dismissed, but there were a few stragglers that would have to be helped home before things got worse.

 He’d gone out to the main stable to talk to the three workers that were the heads of different areas of animal husbandry to make sure a plan to get everything to where it needed to be soon was in place. It took a while to figure out considering that they’d expected a little more time before the first major snowfall. Thomas also asked them to make sure all of the workers’ homes were in good enough condition for the weather. Ranch hands typically had homes on castle grounds but not in the castle themselves since they needed to be close to the animals. Thomas knew at least half a dozen of those who spent most of their times out in the fields were the type to forgot to maintain their homes because they preferred camping amongst the animals in the summer months and then would be in for a bad time when snow began to fall.

 There should be enough extra rooms in the castle if they needed a place to stay until repairs could be done.

Those conversations took a good couple of hours, before Thomas was satisfied. Before trudging back to the castle through the still falling snow, he made a point to stop at one specific horse stall in the main stable. The horse turned his head to see Thomas when he stopped in front of his stall and puffed out a rather disaffected snort before sticking his head over the gate so Thomas could pat his nose. “Hello, Mr. Apples,” Thomas said.

 The horse seemed to conclude he’d tolerated Thomas’s petting enough and ducked his head to nudge at his torso. Thomas rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes,” he said. “I brought you an apple. Some things never change.” He reached into his pocket to grab the red apple he’d brought the white Arabian. “At least you don’t bite me anymore.” He paused, apple slice in hand and eyed the horse’s nose suspiciously. “Do not bite me,” he said even though he hadn’t felt the animal’s teeth in a decade. It would be just like Mr. Apples to wait until his guard was down.

 After a bit of scrutiny, he offered an apple slice. It was snatched out of his hand and there was a loud crunch as it was bit into.

“It’s snowing out,” he told the horse. The horse seemed to roll his eyes at the statement of the obvious. “I’ll remind again that if you run out in a snowstorm, I’m not running after you, so you’d be out of luck.”

Mr. Apples snorted.

“You’re old now. You’d probably not survive long enough for people to find you. Besides, you blend in with that white fur of yours. They’d probably walk right past you a few times.”

 He went back to nosing for treats as soon as he finished his first and Thomas sighed, pulling out another apple slice. “What are they not feeding you enough?” The gusto with which the horse snatched the apple slice was a very clear answer. “Well, we both know that’s not true.” Thomas fed the horse a third slice of apple when he was done with his second. “I have to get back to the castle now. Don’t be a devil horse.”

Mr. Apples threw his head a bit, splattering apple smelling foamy spittle all over Thomas’s front.

“Understood. Have a nice afternoon.”

 He left Mr. Apples in his stall then, knowing he’d be well cared for no matter how ill-tempered he could be at times. He’d been a king’s horse once, after all, no matter that said king had been dead for more than a decade now.

Winters were hard.

Winters were the times when things always slowed down at the castle, where royal duties were often thin. There were a lot of memories in winter.

The trip back to the castle was not particularly long, but it was also not particularly pleasant. The snow had not been cleared away considering it was still snowing which meant his feet and legs were wet and cold by the time he made it to the nearest castle door.

 He wasn’t sure if, when he entered, the castle heating runes had started to work in earnest or if he’d just been so cold that any measure of warmth was appreciated, but he was relieved to be out of the snow either way.

He decided to check up on the progress of the castle staff lighting the fireplaces. With any luck, they’d be lit already, and he could warm up even more. That in mind, he headed towards the main foyer where the largest fireplace in the castle sat to take off the chill brought in by the large front doors.

 The main foyer was bustling with activity when he snuck in along the sides, giving the guards stationed around nods as he passed. The main fire in the room was burning brightly, though only one of the two smaller ones near the side exits from the room was lit. The other one was still being set up with safety mechanisms. It was good progress and assuming other areas of the castle were being set up as efficiently, he assumed they’d all be set up by nightfall.

He’d need to go check around to be sure, but for now, he walked up to the main fireplace to warm his hands.

 He’d gotten into the habit when he was younger to every so often glance upwards. There had been a certain stable boy who had a propensity for climbing trees. These days, he usually found nothing when he did so, often not even consciously noticing that he’d turned his gaze momentarily skywards. Yet, today, he was startled out of his own idleness by dark brown eyes looking back at him from a small ledge in the shadows high above him.

He froze as he met the young boy’s gaze. Virgil seemed as surprised to be caught as Thomas was to have caught him.

 Slowly Thomas raised one hand and waved to the boy. He slunk back into the shadows at the acknowledgment. If Thomas peered hard enough, he could see a shadow stretch up towards the third-floor balcony in the darkness and disappear over the railing.

Interesting boy.

Thomas found himself smiling despite the oddity. They still had not found out much about Virgil. He would speak to Jeffers about many things apparently, but often could not be redirected to invasive topics and he was still a bit skittish around Helen. He hadn’t willingly existed in a room with Thomas. Thomas hoped that changed at some point. There was something about him that made Thomas like him.

  Chapter 37

Virgil had not spent a lot of time out of Logan’s room. What little time he had spent outside of it was either with Patton and/or Logan or tucked away in secret corridors he found in the walls where no one would stumble upon him. Yet, here he was willingly in a, well, not public by any means place, but one that was still more exposed than he was used to being in. Somehow, he was managing to not care at all.

It was helped by the fact that both Logan and Patton had been in the room at the start, but they had gone off to go… somewhere. Food sounded like it might have been the reason.

 He liked food, and usually he would have been all for going to get some, but between them promising to bring him back some and the fact that he was never going to move ever again, he’d decided to stay.

Princess Marisol seemed to be the only other rational being in the whole castle because she had also not moved since discovering the contents of this room. She was currently laying on his chest purring happily.

The fireplace was a wonderful invention. Now, Virgil had, of course, warmed up by a fire before when it was cold, but this was much different. There was a grate that blocked off the fire a bit keeping it from burning the person in front of it and there was a plush rug right by it, perfect for laying down on. Someone had known what they were doing when designing this room.

 He didn’t even care that the king had access to this sitting room as well as Logan.

…

Okay, so he did care a little bit, but he was ignoring that. He was probably busy this time of day anyway, right?

…

He really didn’t want to run into him after being caught watching the castle workers set up the bigger fireplaces. Kings probably didn’t like people sneaking around watching things from the shadows even when they didn’t know that the person sneaking around was literally sent to kill them.

Princess Marisol must have had a sixth sense for his anxieties (or he’d just started breathing faster and disturbed her) because she stirred a bit.

55304

She started up a calming purr as she moved to gently kneed his chest. “That sort of hurts,” he noted idly as she dug her little paws into his sternum. She responded by purring more. He moved his arm to scratch behind her ear.

Virgil still was feeling a little bit anxious about the fact that he was out in the open, though he very much did not want to leave the room with the nice fire, and Patton and Logan would be back soon anyway. He should find some way to distract himself, and, well, the best way to distract himself was to investigate his environment, and it had the added benefit of making him feel safer.

 He carefully turned to his side to gently deposit Princess Marisol on the rug. She gave an insulted ‘mew,’ but quickly forgot her ire to sprawl across the ground with her belly to the fireplace. Virgil got to his feet and eyed the room as a whole.

It was fancy, to be sure, but a lot more homely than he’d expect to be in the royal wing. Logan’s bedroom was much more extravagant than this. It was closer to what he’d expect in the home of a financially stable, but not well-off family’s home both in contents and décor.

 There was a nice, but older looking couch that was probably older than Logan, perhaps even older than the king. It was huge though and comfy looking. It had two chairs that weren’t quite matching but were close enough and a table in front of it that had slightly chipped wood. A seemingly random set of pillows was on it, none quite matching the rest, but all sort of earthy browns and greens. There were bookshelves stuffed with books of all different shapes and sizes, and a giant painting of a turkey of all things over the fireplace. The fireplace itself was probably the fanciest thing in the room.

 Most of the fireplace was made out of bricks, though it had a wooden outline a good distance from the fire, and there was an ornate iron grate in front of it with pretty little leaf designs. On top of the mantle were little figurines that grabbed Virgil’s attention. They were small little wooden things carved into animals. Some were painted and some left the wood to be exposed. There were a good number of horses, but there were also things like rabbits and birds. There was even a few creatures Virgil did not recognize himself. They ranged in size from only about as big as his thumb to about as big as his hand.

 He leaned closer to take a better look at them, careful to keep his legs away from the hot iron grate, though he could still feel the intense heat from how close he was. He did not dare touch them. The room may seem like it did not belong in a castle, but it still was in one, and who knows how expensive or important the little figures were.

He settled his chin on the edge of the mantel, getting as close to the decorations as he dared, his eyes locked on a little robin that had been painted orange and grey with a bright yellow beak and eyes that almost looked alive.

 He spent a good minute staring at the wooden creature, before finally drawing back.

“They’re nice, aren’t they?” a voice asked, and Virgil just about jumped onto the ceiling, but there weren’t any good footholds, and the ceiling wasn’t very high besides and wouldn’t give much cover. “And that is why I waited until you stepped back,” the same voice said and perhaps it sounded a bit amused, but Virgil was not focusing on that.

“S-sorry,” he stuttered, cringing back. Why did he always have to be screwing something up when the king came upon him. Why did the universe hate him?

 “Oh, it’s okay,” the king said. He was still by the door, having only paused outside of the room instead of coming in. “You weren’t doing anything wrong.”

He certainly had been doing something wrong even if he was allowed to get that close to little things that seemed so fragile (which he almost definitely wasn’t) or be in one of the royal rooms without Patton or Logan in sight. Virgil had come here to kill this man even if he didn’t know it. He was an assassin in one of the private royal chambers. If the king had any idea, Virgil would be dead

 He made as though to take a step into the room, but he paused when he saw Virgil take a step back and grimaced. “I’ll, uh, just be going,” he said. “You can stay. You can look at the figurines all you want.”

Virgil looked at the man’s feet and didn’t say anything. He hoped he didn’t take that as an insult.

“Okay,” the king said. “Goodbye.”

He walked off then, likely to his own private room. When the footsteps faded, Virgil bent down to pick up Princess Marisol, who meowed her complaints at being pulled from the fire. He snuck quietly back into Logan’s room.

Logan and Patton found him in the closet 10 minutes later.

  Chapter 38

It was a bad day for Virgil. Now, Virgil had been skittish for the past few days ever since Patton and Logan had left him half asleep on the sitting room rug and came back to him crammed into a closet with Princess Marisol for company. He hadn’t told them what had happened, but obviously something had, and he’d been jumpy ever since. However, today seemed even worse.

The snow outside had only gotten thicker in the last few days since the first snowfall, and it had put Virgil’s anxieties through the roof. Often literally.

This morning, Logan had a meeting with his Dad, and so it was Patton’s job to coax the boy out of his closet. He’d reportedly slept in Logan’s bed but had stalked off to huddle in on himself in the closet as soon as Logan had had to get up.

 Patton entered Logan’s bedroom to a greeting meow from Princess Marisol. She, at least, was still in bed, happily perched on Logan’s pillow. “Oh, sweetie,” Patton said. “You know Logan doesn’t like cat hair on his stuff. She just purred happily, and Patton didn’t bother to push the issue any further. Instead, he turned to the closet.

He tapped twice. “Hey, Virgil, honey. Are you in there?” he asked, though he already was fairly certain of the answer.

There was a pause and then Virgil called back. “Yeah.”

“Can I open the door?”

A longer pause.

“Can I open the door long enough to join you in there?”

[secretlyasupervillain]

This post is basically just me ranting about gender mostly my doubts about being trans (oh and psa: they seem like big doubts but tbh they’re not and are more like small things that cause me to doubt every once in awhile). If anyone has any similar experiences please share them or if anyone has advice/info that could help please share!!

Clothes: Clothes confuse me so much because society has put such a strong presence of gender on clothes. I’ve always preferred wearing a sort of gender-neutral type of clothing style but as I’ve grown I thought I should expand my bounds and try new stuff. So I started to wear more “feminine” clothes, I got a crop top, decided I might wear my dresses more, got some blouses instead of T-shirts, etc. I liked it... I think... that’s where it gets confusing for me. I dunno if trying something new and exciting was the reason for liking it, an actual liking of the clothes, I liked it or faked liking it because subconsciously I thought I should like it cuz I was a “girl”, or just cuz I looked good wearing them. Also now I have more of an aversion to them again and I can’t tell if I don't like them anymore because it was only a spur of the moment type of thing, I don’t look good wearing them with short hair, I just don’t like them anymore, or because I think I’m trans so I feel like I’m not supposed to like them. Also, I’ve always liked the style of masculine clothing more and wished to wear it but felt weird wearing it as a “girl” but now I’m finally letting myself explore masc clothing which is nice. Although I can’t tell if I like masc clothing cuz I just like the clothing, if I like the clothing because it helps affirm my gender, or both. (advice on how to figure out which it is would be appreciated)

Hair: Hair is also very confusing and is even more gender rooted (haha roots hair roots). I had long long hair and I liked it for the most part but I still wanted to change it for years, but I’m terrified of change so kept it the same. Finally, after my friends started chopping off their hair and I learned about gender dysphoria I cut my hair and it felt great. I love my hair but still, if I’m not trans the idea of being a girl with short hair kinda bothers me even tho I like my hair and feel like I look good (this might be me just being dysphoric about thinking about being a girl idk). The thought of going back to long hair doesn’t sound that great either tho even if I am cis.

(PS: I understand clothes and hair don’t define gender but society has shoved gender down my throat and I see a lot of these things in a gendered way so my opinion of them does have an impact on my view of my gender identity)

Looks: Ok so I like the way I look facial-wise for the most part like I feel like I’m a generically decent-looking person, but this has me a little confused. So when I was a “girl” (long hair/feminine clothes/fem presenting) I liked the way I looked and thought I was an attractive enough person and I’m worried that liking how I looked means that I might not really be trans. The thing is tho I still like the way I look now as a boy (short hair/masc clothes/as masc presenting as I can get) and think I’m an attractive enough person just in a different way. Basically, I’m kinda wondering if it’s “okay” to think about when you were fem presenting and think that you were good-looking even as a trans man?

Sexuality: Being bi is so confusing. I have no idea if I want to look like a person or date them or both. And if I knew I didn’t like girls or boys then I could tell if admiring the way the way they look and their style was more of gender envy and not an attraction and I could figure it out my identity faster but idk the difference because both are happening. (advice on how to figure out which it is would be appreciated)

Self Hate: I’ve disliked liked myself for a long time and altho I’m starting to like myself more I still don’t that much. This is adding to my doubt because what if I just want to be trans so I can change who I am and become someone new because I don’t like myself and not because I’m actually a boy.

Want/Being: I’m worried I just want to be a boy and I’m not actually one. This sounds kinda weird but like idk. I guess I mean like I’m worried I’m cis and I’m making myself think I don’t like certain pronouns and etc. because I want to be ftm/a boy but I’m actually cis.

[xbaepsae]

the ebb and flow | part five

“You wonder what goes on in that head of his—why he’s always popping up out of nowhere and causing your life to become just a tad unbalanced.”

[demigod!jeongguk x demigod!reader]

genre: percy jackson!au, mythology!au, demigod!au, enemies to lovers!au, action

word count: 2.3k

rating: pg-13

warnings: flaming arrows lol, some mentions of fighting (typical camp half-blood stuff, you know), the usual character bickering and tension

a/n: omg sorry this chapter took me two extra days to write lol. idk why it was so difficult. anyway, thanks for all the love for son of poseidon jk and daughter of athena reader :) i love them so much too. xoxo

→ series masterlist!

the second summer – in which it all begins

Mid-summer in Long Island is always hot, and it doesn’t make outside activities any better. Or more bearable. From your cabin, you stare out of a window at the almost noon sun and sigh—you are surely going to turn into burnt toast today.

“Going back to archery class today?”

You turn towards the voice. “Unfortunately.”

“Archery isn’t that bad,” Namjoon laughs.

“It is when you’re kind of bad at it,” you say, to which he doesn’t have a reply.

In your defense, you just picked up archery recently. It’s no longer something that’s a necessary skill to have—especially since you’re better at other things—so you didn’t bother taking the lessons with Chiron last year. Also, at the time, the flaming arrows terrified you anyway. However, now, you figured that you should try and master every skill offered here.

What you didn’t account for was having zero skill in the art of archery. And it’s frustrating, to say the least.

“I’m sure you’ll get better with time,” Namjoon finally says.

“I hope so.”

While Namjoon goes off to climb walls with satyrs, you go off to meet Chiron at the targets. When you arrive, there are already a few other campers armed with their bows. You settle beside Jung Hoseok, hoping that some of his natural skills in archery will rub off on you.

“Hey, y/n!” Hoseok’s enthusiastic as ever.

You offer him a half-smile. “Hey.”

“Excited?” he asks. “I think Chiron’s going to bust out the flaming arrows today.”

You gulp at the mention of fire. Even though you’re not scared of flaming arrows anymore—at least, the idea of them—you’re still a little nervous about actually having to hit the targets with one. “Um, cool?”

“It’s super easy, watch.”

As Chiron’s voice booms over everyone, you do as Hoseok says and watch as an arrow is doused in lighter fuel. Chiron fastens the arrow through his bow before he lights in on fire and hits a bullseye. Your mouth drops at how quick everything happens, shocked at how a flaming arrow seems much faster than a normal one.

The fire is quickly put out, probably to save the target from becoming fully disintegrated, and Chiron calls, “Okay, heroes, line-up behind one another.”

Since there are six targets, the group divides amongst each one. Hoseok immediately rushes into the front of the last target to be first, while you move to stand a few people behind him. You twist your head out of the line to watch as the son of Apollo confidently readies his bow and shoots his flaming arrow in a perfect bullseye. After a quick praise from Chiron, he moves off to the side so another camper can begin.

“Hoseok’s pretty good, huh?”

You jump at the sudden voice. Turning around, you spot Jeon Jeongguk inches away from you. “Oh my gods, what are you doing?”

“Here for archery practice, duh,” he says easily, but you don’t miss the mischievous glint in his eyes.

Last year, when you both arrived at camp for the first time, Jeongguk was relatively quiet and kept mostly to himself. Although, as time passed, he quickly became more outspoken and comfortable around everyone—a little too comfortable. The shyness was definitely a short-lived phase. You kind of miss it.

Now, he never shuts up and it’s starting to annoy you—especially when he pops up out of nowhere like this and messes with your focus. “You’re not in this class.”

“How would you know? Maybe I just got here late?”

You can’t help but roll your eyes. If there’s anything you’ve realized this summer, it’s that Jeongguk is always trying to pick a fight with you. Sometimes, you partake in his antics; however, right now, you’ve really got to focus. “Whatever, Jeon.”

Taking a step away from him, you realize that you’re already next up to shoot an arrow. The other campers are openly staring, which makes you nearly trip over your own feet.

“You’ve got this, y/n,” Chiron says, handing you an arrow.

Taking the arrow from him, you inhale deeply before dipping the tip in the fuel. Slipping the arrow in your bow, your nerves are in a bundle when Chiron lights it on fire and commands you to aim for the yellow center.

Instinct seems to take over as the nock passes through your fingertips. You watch in slow motion as your arrow propels through the air and lands in the red portion of the target. A shocked gasp leaves you lips at how close you got to the center; hitting red is better than what you did yesterday.

“Well done,” Chiron smiles, and you’re so glad he’s so patient with you.

“I’ll do better tomorrow,” you promise, and class is dismissed for the day.

Everyone begins to put their bows away; by the time you manage to do the same, Jeongguk is already long gone.

***

“I knew he wasn’t in archery with me.”

You were on your way to arts and crafts with Hephaestus’s cabin when Haru caught up to you. She asked you about your day in archery yesterday, and when you mentioned Jeongguk she was confused.

“Yeah, he’s in sword fighting with me,” she says.

“So, why was he by the range then?” you ask.

Haru frowns for a moment, before understanding fills her face. “Oh, that’s probably because we were scouting outside the area yesterday.”

“For what?”

“I guess our trainer wants us to get field experience? Outside of the arena. I think he decided on the field beside the archery range,” she explains, and you mutter an oh great. “Don’t worry though, we should be some distance away from you guys.”

Though you’re skeptical about that, you can’t really dwell too much about it because you’re already in front of the forge. You spend your hour in arts and crafts thinking about flaming arrows…and maybe Jeongguk too. But not in a way people might expect you to be thinking about him.

You wonder what goes on in that head of his—why he’s always popping up out of nowhere and causing your life to become just a tad unbalanced. Every time he’s around, you feel strange…like you can’t stand him at all. Jeongguk just makes you uncomfortable and you hate it.

By the time you are walking back to the archery range, he has gotten so deep underneath your skin that you swear you can hear his voice ringing in your ear.

“Why am I going crazy?” you mutter to no one but yourself, simultaneously shaking your head in the process. “What is wrong with—”

“Finally admitting that you’re crazy, miss goody-two-shoes? About time.”

Standing up straighter, you turn around and realize that you aren’t totally imagining things—the devil himself was actually behind you. You can’t help but narrow your eyes at him. “Why are you being so nosy, Jeon?”

“Anyone would’ve been able to hear that remark,” Jeongguk rolls his eyes, moving to walk ahead of you.

“Why did you lie yesterday and say that you were in archery?” you ask, but he doesn’t reply. Instead, he just continues on his merry way, past the targets and towards the adjacent field. You watch as he picks up the pace and begins to jog towards his instructor; you realize that you should probably do the same.

Today, Hoseok is, once again, first up to shoot an arrow. Chiron lets him shoot a few, and each one leaves your mouth hanging open. At this point, you think the son of Apollo is just showing off because every arrow that goes through his bow flawlessly hits a bullseye.

“How do you do that every time?” you ask him once the next person is up.

Hoseok just laughs. “It’s natural, I guess.”

“Wish that were me,” you muse.

“We all have different skill sets, y/n,” he attempts to console you. “I mean, you’re great with battle strategy—which is why Apollo always want to join Athena’s team.”

You conclude that he’s right—everyone is skilled in their own way. Besides, you can get better at archery with time anyway. You continue small talk with Hoseok until Chiron tells you that you’re next up. You drag yourself in front of the target and fasten the arrow through your bow. Staring at the target, you clear your mind of excess thoughts—you want to really focus on hitting the center. With a quick exhale, you propel the arrow through the air.

And it hits the center.

When you realize this, you begin jumping up and down. Chiron laughs through his congratulating remarks, before asking if you’d like another shot. “Of course, I want to do it again!”

Just as you begin to aim your bow and arrow, you hear a commotion to the left. Looking away from the target, you notice that things have gotten pretty hectic on the field where campers are practicing with their swords. Except, you realize that swords aren’t being used much—everyone has adapted to using their own special skills.

Demeter kids are sprouting things from the ground, Apollo kids are playing their lyres, and a certain son of Poseidon is blasting water cannons. For a moment, you wonder how this chaos even ensued; but that thought quickly fades when the commotion starts coming closer. Squash begins sprouting right by the range, but that’s not even the worse of it. A cannon of water comes out of nowhere and drenches your entire body, and you notice that everything seems to go silent after that.

Your camp shirt now hangs heavy on your body, and your sneakers feel disgustingly uncomfortable. Opening your eyes, you notice that everyone is staring at you with shock, but you can only see one person.

“Jeon Jeongguk!” You yell at the boy who only stands a few yards away from you. “You idiot!”

Even from this distance, you can see him struggle for words—a surprising feat since he always seems to have something smart to say. Taking a step closer to him, you aim your arrow for his head; it would be so easy to just knock him out. Jeongguk’s eyes fly wide at your stance; you wonder if he thinks you’re actually going to shoot.

Without even thinking twice, you let the arrow fly. But today seems to be Jeongguk’s lucky day because the arrow misses his head, landing in the tree right beside him. You notice him visibly exhale, but that relief quickly dissipates when his instructor practically pulls him by the ear and looks straight at you. “You, come with us.”

“B-But I didn’t do anything wrong!” You look to Chiron. “Jeongguk shot me with a water cannon—”

“I understand that you were only defending yourself, y/n, but you almost hit Jeongguk with an arrow. You’ll have to talk to Mr. D about this, I’m afraid.”

You can’t help but pout. Dionysus is always in a mood. But you obey anyway and make your way to the Big House. There, you find the god himself conjuring up a glass of wine from sunlight. You stare at the deep burgundy liquid before raising your eyes to the god. “I thought you were still stuck here for another few decades?”

Mr. D turns his gaze to you, lazily rolling his eyes. “Oh, my mistake—I seem to have forgotten.”

With the wave of his hand, the wine transforms into a can of Diet Coke. You would laugh at the displeased look on his face, but you know that you’re not Mr. D’s favorite camper right now. He takes a sip of the soda before turning to face you and Jeongguk.

“You and you heroes,” he sighs, “always causing trouble around here.”

“It was an accident, sir,” Jeongguk speaks up first, which is not surprising. He’s always trying to cover his own ass. “I didn’t mean to blast that canon of water towards the archery range. It was completely accidental. However, y/n aiming an arrow for my head is—”

You interrupt him, “Mr. D, how can a canon of water from yards away be an accident? I think it was completely on purpose.”

“The arrow was on purpose!” Jeongguk exclaims, turning towards you. “You were trying to kill me!”

Meeting his gaze with an eye roll, you say, “Oh, please, Jeon like I would ever—”

“Di immortales!” Mr. D suddenly yells. “Can you children shut up?”

Looking away from Jeongguk and towards your camp director, you notice the purple flames dancing in his eyes. An angry Dionysus always makes you tense. Often, you forget how much power this god actually has. He’s one of the twelve. You sink back and notice that Jeongguk does the same.

“Sorry, sir,” you both apologize quickly, and the purple flames lessen.

“I cannot stand mortals,” the god of wine clenches his teeth, “you both are insufferable. I’m starting to resent father for sending me here again!”

You don’t even know what to say. Mr. D sounds like a child right now.

“Ugh, just get out,” he continues, taking a sip of his Diet Coke, “you both are giving me a massive headache, and I’m in need of my daily nap.”

You blink; is Mr. D letting you both off the hook? No punishment? Before he can give you both one, you bid the god of wine goodbye and start walking out. Just as you’re about to push the doors open, Jeongguk’s voice stops you. “Just because Mr. D let us off the hook, doesn’t mean I’m going to forget that you nearly killed me today.”

Turning around, you look Jeongguk dead in the eye. “Are you trying to start something with me, Jeon? Because you shouldn’t start things you can’t finish.”

“Is that a threat?” he asks, a single brow raised.

“I guess you better watch your back,” you say and push the doors open before he can say anything else.

[small-plant-friends]

I want to say something, this is going to be a long one folks. Regarding mental health.

Ok, public school in the U.S. . Fuck that. They teach shit to nothing about mental health. And I think that’s a big part of why I feel awful now.

Now I have anxiety and depression, as diagnosed by my primary care doctor. (Idk how the medical systems work in not the U.S. so if people don’t know that’s the doctor that handles basic things). Because of my insurance if I want to get coverage for therapy I need to go to my doctor so they can write me a letter telling the insurance I need therapy.

This has all happened in the last year. (Im 19 now, I was 18 when the process started). I went to a therapist for a while, it was awful. I’ve had me mental issues since I was 13ish and have been just dealing with them on my own. I was confused and uncomfortable with myself and my bad mental health so I put on a mask and pretended that I was fine when I was around other people. Because of this I’m not the type of person to talk about my past or present issues. So when I was seeing my therapist I didn’t like that she expected me to talk. And I don’t mean she diodes me on what to say, asking questions and things like that and expecting me to follow her guidance and talk. I mean she would stay silent and stare at me expecting me to spill my guts about all my past trauma to her. I stopped seeing her. My mom says I should have opened up better.

So now I feel awful. Like I’ve done something wrong, or like I should have been better at opening up. Like if I had just relaxed and talked then I would feel better. But I left my first meeting with her crying. And not in a “we just talked out a big stressful situation and I feel better” kind of cry but a “what is wrong with you, why the hell did you decide to do this” kind of cry. And I know that therapy can be hard, especially for people who haven’t talked about it, like myself. And because of knowing that it is supposed to be hard I can’t tell if I’m bad and just expecting too much of a tv show therapy session, or if she just wasn’t a good fit for my. Which brings me back to being confused and feeling awful.

Another thing. My primary care doctor put me on medication for my mental health. This is a good think because I genuinely think that I need it. I was on lexipro before but I made me supper tired, like REALLY tired. So we switched to something else. (I don’t remember the name, I don’t have the bottle in front of me.) What I’m on now is the stuff that we switched to. I can feel a small difference but I still feel tired, and upset, it’s hard to find positive things, and my motivation to do things is non existent.

And again I know that this kind of medication is messing with some shady shit and often the first and second try don’t work properly, but how many do I try? I had a substitute doctor last time I went in and he said that I need to find a new therapist,( which I find terrifying because of how badly the first time went) to get the full experience, and that in 6months to a year they want to try getting my off all mental health meds to see how things go. Who’s is scary because the meds I’m on don’t even make me feel better.

To my understanding of depression and anxiety medication, they are supposed to make your anxiety and depression go away. Well they aren’t. Idk if I need to just keep hoping medications until o get one that works of if this is working and this is just as good as it gets. Trying different medications is uncomfortable too. My primary care doctor always asks me questions like “are you hurting yourself?” or “Any thoughts or actions of suicide?” Which is like no to both, but I use to and I’ve been able to bring myself out of that. But now they mentioned taking me off meds, so should I be suicidal or hurting myself to need medicated help. Do I not really need to be medicated because I don’t want to kill myself anymore. I don’t know.

Another thing that my doctor will ask is “on a percentage scale, how well are the meds helping, with 0% being not at all and 100% being your good?” Which what the fuck. Like I haven’t been mentally healthy since I was at least 13 years old. How the actual fuck am I supposed to know what 100% even feels like to put it on the scale. Like I remember what feeling like a 0 is like that was only a few years ago. But I’ve been dealing with this for at least 6 years I don’t remember being healthy.

So when I say something like 40% or something guessed like that she will either get really disappointed or excited, depends on how long I’d been on the meds for and my dose size. But when she gets disappointed I feel bad. Like should I be doing better, not that how the meds are effecting me is something that I can control, but I still feel inadequate.

I know my dad had the issues i have, that’s partly why I have them. ( fuck DNA) But he doesn’t talk about it. It’s not something I can talk to him about so i don’t have someone more experienced with this stuff to really talk to. (Which is a reason it might be good to get a new therapist, I’m just scared to).

Not I probably could talk to him about this. He’s sit down and explain his experience and stuff, but then he would ask me why I’m depressed and anxious. To which I would tell him genetics, and I’d watch him get all upset because he knows it comes from him. And I wouldn’t tell him that the height of it, the points when I was hurting myself and when I was suicidal was because I’m queer. Now a lot of why my mental health isn’t as bad as it was then is because the m slowly learning to be ok with that.

Now I’m ok (mostly) with being queer, but I was raised to be religious, and homophobic. Which doesn’t help when you realize you like the same gender. I may not be homophobic anymore (unless it’s a bad day for me and my internalized homophobia won’t shut the fuck up) but my family still is. Now this is something I don’t want to talk to him about, because he’s homophobic. So I avoid talking about my mental health all together. (Another reason I should get a new, better, therapist.)

Anyway, I think I got that all out. In a nutshell I don’t know anything and I feel like I’m inadequate because I don’t know anything and so I don’t know if I’m getting better being pushy, rushing it, or idk. Obviously I’m confused.

If you made it this far in the post please leave a comment, say something in the tags, or send me an ask. If you can explain anything I’d appreciate it. Thanks!

[det-nicoletterogers]

I saw [NICOLETTE ROGERS] at a coffee shop in [BROOKLYN] today. I forgot how much [SHE] looks like [BRIE LARSON]. They are a [TWENTY-NINE] year old [DETECTIVE] who’s been in NYC for [TWO YEARS] now. Every time we run into each other, they are always [LOYAL AND FIESTY] but I’ve heard people say they can also be [IMPLUSIVE AND SNARKY]. [LIPSTICK WONDER WOMAN BY TYLER BRYANT AND THE SHAKEDOWN] reminds me of them every time it comes on the radio.

hi all! i am so so so excited to be here! my name is nika and this is my sweetie pie wrapped in a cactus shell, nic rogers (though if she ever heard me call her a sweetie pie i’d be dead). you can check below for a lot more information about her but i would love any and all plots. she has some listed below as well but we can get creative! feel free to message me or hit me up on discord at ichoosenikachu#4859. see ya soon (or not, its ok either way.....) :) 

(tw: death, gun violence, parent leaving/broken home)

B A C K S T O R Y

born & raised in good ol’ chi town–never left, at least not for long. loves it here immensely, couldn’t imagine going anywhere else. mom was a clerk at a local publishing house and dad worked in construction after he finished his tour of duty as an army man. her older brother was a detective in the chicago police department, but more on him later.

mother ran out on the family when nic was eight for her boss, head of the publishing company that she worked for. didn’t even bother to say goodbye–just up and left without a word. her dad was heartbroken and left to support his two kids alone, something he was not prepared for.

see, her dad always wanted sons not daughters, so nic’s surprise arrival was nothing short of a nightmare for him. of course he loved his daughter, but he didn’t have any sisters of his own and had never grown up around women. so he kind of, pushed her into more stereotypical masculine things, as a way for him to not have to worry about raising her any differently. sure there were moments of pure panic for him (hello, time of the month) but he seemed to be pleased with himself.

meanwhile, nic could tell that she was definitely the least favorite child. her brother was always the golden boy and her father spend exponentially more time with him than he ever did with her. however, that didn’t mean that her brother and her didn’t have a good relationship.

nic was often teased growing up because she didn’t have a mom and came from a lower ses part of town. so her brother became her closest friend and she adored him. she looked up to him, tried to be like him. she thought she might get her father to love her if she succeeded.

but the difference was that everyone liked her brother–he was calm, organized and confident. nic, on the other hand, was plucky and sassy and seemed to crave chaos in a way her brother never did. she wouldn’t ever be like him, and it kind of broke her heart to know her father would never be proud of her. so she did her own thing, made a life for herself that wasn’t always emulating her older brother. she was determined to get her life right, the way she was convinced her dad hadn’t.

however, she and her brother were still very close and they’d often have a meal together at least once a week. he’d regale her with stories of his time at the department, and she–working as a beat cop on a completely different schedule–enjoyed giving him a hard time about what he could have or should have done. it was a rather happy time in her life–one she enjoyed for many reasons.

(tw: death, gun violence) but, y’know, life isn’t happy for long. on a cool spring evening, her brother was walking home from weekly dinner with nic. he had taken a longer route than usual because he wanted to enjoy the finally warmer air of the city. as he made his way home, he heard rustling in an alleyway and assumed it as a cat stuck in a cardboard box–turns out it as not, and with a flash of light and a louder bang, her brother was no longer with us.

when nic found out, she was distraught. broken. her whole world felt shattered and the person she needed the most–her husband–had decided to go off and sleep with some other woman, leaving her even more devastated. so nic’s life had kinda crashed and burned in one fell swoop.

the only reasonable thing to do is, of course, honor her brother by becoming a detective in the CPD…except her father is none too pleased with this idea and, in one of their famous fights, tells her that “girls can’t do that job.” turns out, that is not what you say to a stubborn, grieving woman because that just makes her do it more. truly though, her father was just terrified he’d lose her too but once again, he wasn’t good with his emotions and couldn’t express that.

so nic became detective nicolette rogers to honor her brother…and to see if she couldn’t solve the mystery of her brother’s passing, finally avenging him. her new role gave her the separation she needed from the pain of both losing her brother and husband and, perhaps for the first time in her life, finally fit.

H E A D C A N N O N S

important note: nicolette never goes by her full name–it’s nic or anything else, but never, ever nicolette.

she is the biggest fan of chicago sports–catch her cheering for the cubbies all day long. and don’t forget da bears.

her last meal would include: a chicago dog from wrigley field with a baja blast and white cheddar popcorn. and probably a slice of cheesecake for desert.

nic loves helping people–it is why she originally started working in the police force to begin with. even now, as a detective, she goes does the youth education program, going into schools and doing workshops for the students in the local school districts (think detective jj bittenbinder but…significantly less creepy).

her favorite show is–yes, cliche but she’s ok with that–brooklyn 99 and she absolutely adores amy santiago.

she rides a motorbike mostly because she likes the wind waving in her hair.

but don’t get her confused–she’s the biggest dork you’ll ever met, loves people and adores babies, and will help literally anyone who asks. her hearts a little…shredded at the moment but she does her best to be good.

P L O T S

Best/Close Friends

Childhood Friends

Police Force Buds

Police Force…Enemies????

Flings

idk im always down for plots leggo

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #407

“sugar pop, sugar pop, baby here i come, straight to #1″

Do you follow any special diet? (dairy free, vegetarian, gluten free etc.) No. What’s your favourite summer activity? Swimming is all I really enjoy about summer. Who was the first person to break your heart? It wasn't in a romantic sense obviously, but my dad. First band you obsessed about? I've only ever *truly* been obsessed with Ozzy Osbourne as a band, haha. First place someone took you on a date? I want to say a local skating rink. It was a group thing. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Two, if you include the closet door. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yes. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Quite a few. Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? Well, if you've seen the scene where Pyramid Head literally rips a woman's skin off like a sheet in Silent Hill... u kno. I genuinely do find him to be a terrifying monster though, all bias aside. Humanoid monsters with ambiguous faces unsettle me. I wouldn't want that knife swingin at me, either. Do you get grumpy when you’re hungry? Yuuuup, I sure can. Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I have done that maybe twice in my whole life. Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. If chocolate was an illegal drug - would you be a drug addict? Nah. I'd be able to survive if it was illegal, but it would suck. Are you proud of your parents? Yes in some areas, no in some others. There are things both have said and/or done that I can't say I'm proud of them for, but overall, I am. Do you say “soda” or “pop”? "Soda." Are you shy about singing in front of people? YUP. I just don't do it. If you could get backstage tickets to ANY concert - which would you pick? Ozzy. :') It'd be fantastic to tell him thank you for his music that has always brought me joy and comforted me, and also let him know for sure just how strong he is and that it is absolutely not overlooked to still be nailing out an album while fighting Parkinson's. I'd probably start blubbering like a baby while rambling at some point, haha. Which is better: orange or grape soda? Orange. I don't like grape soda. Do you sleep with a sleep mask? Well, you could sort of call it that, ha ha. I have to wear an APAP mask to subdue my sleep apnea that causes wild nightmares/terrors. Do you like techno music? It's actually grown on me the past few months. Have you ever been drunk? No, I've never quite reached that point. I've only been tipsy. Are you mad at your best friend right now? Nope, got no reason to be. Do you know anybody with a pet snake? Yes, including myself. Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold? WATER. ABSOLUTELY WATER. I canNOOOOOOT do room temperature water anymore. It's gotta be pretty damn cold for me to drink it like it's nothin'. Have you ever painted anybody's nails aside from your own? No. Do you ever donate to the less fortunate? Mom likes to donate our old clothes and stuffed animals. Did you buy an American flag after 9/11 to put on your car/house/ whatever? I was a little kid when this happened, so. I don't know if my parents did. Honestly, do you have any Hilary Duff on your MP3 player? HA, I do. I love "Who's That Girl." When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? Wow, probably years... I really, really want one now, ha ha. Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? Well, my sister's friend, anyway. I was just sitting on the computer in the living room and there they were on the couch just casually making out. Do you enjoy doing math? Fuuuuck no. Do you think your mom has secrets she’s never told you? Oh, I know she does. There are things she's done that I know I have plenty of missing details from, but I don't ask because I know they're sensitive subjects. Do you own anything you don’t want your parents to know about? No. Do you pose in your pictures or just smile? I usually just smile. Do you use scented soap in the shower? Yes. It smells like cinnamon rolls and it is HEAVENLY. Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No. Who was the last person you danced with? Enjoyable? Ha, Sara. Yeah. Dark or light colored jeans? Dark, 100%. I never wore light jeans. Can you take apart a computer and name all the parts? No sir. Can you take apart a car and name all the parts? That's an even bigger "no." Have you ever purchased a lotto ticket? No. What is the longest amount of time you've spent playing Monopoly? Idk. Have you ever witnessed a tornado first-hand? Thank fucking Christ I haven't. I am terrified of them. Have you ever colored your eyebrows? No. Have you ever taken another person's prescribed medication? Pain medicine, yes. Have you ever played golf (not miniature golf)? No. I'm not interested to, either. Have you ever gotten dressed with the windows open? I definitely don't believe so. Have you ever taken a shower outside? At the beach, yes. If you could call it a "shower." Have you ever been to a junkyard? No. Have you ever watched the History Channel willingly? No. If you could get the cell phone of your choice - what would it be? Probably a current iPhone. Apple is such a rip-off, but damn is the camera good lmao. Do you hand out candy to kids on Halloween? This will be my first Halloween in this house, so I really don't know if trick-or-treaters happen here. Do you like huskies? Love 'em, but I could neeeever own one with all that fur. What do you smell like? I'm always self-conscious over if I smell like sweat because of my hyperhidrosis. I hope not. Do you take your dog for walks? I don't have a dog. I used to take Teddy when he was younger, though. He loved those, but I stopped when I noticed his arthritis kicking in. Have you ever went paintballing? No. Seems stupid to me, honestly... Like that shit seems painful, so like, why??? What kind of movies are you drawn to? Horror and fantasy, mostly. I don't watch movies often. How often do you update your Facebook status? Just about never because I either just have nothing to say or am afraid of saying something stupid. I only ever share posts or pictures that appeal to me. What type of pet would you like to have? A Brazilian Black tarantula. :( I will whine about that until the day I get one, ha ha. I would also really, really like a plains hognose and a woma python. What breakfast are you most likely to have? Cereal. When you're starting to feel sick, you: It depends on what kind of "sick," but odds are I'm heading for the medicine cabinet. What colors are you most drawn to? Pastel ones. :') Light and pretty. What deadly sin are you most likely to commit? Sloth. When you're away from home, what makes you feel at home? "Having my stuff with me, like my laptop." <<<< Same. Do you prefer to lounge in a hot tub or swim in a pool? Swim. How many books do you have out in the public areas of your house? None. Who makes a better burger, in your opinion? Sonic. @_@ What do you like best about the holidays? Seeing my niece and nephew so excited. You think your eyes convey: Boredom, probably. Besides screaming for ice cream, what else do you scream for? If a bug surprises me by being on me. Well, depending on the bug. Do you like fried chicken? Noooo, it is so gross to me. What do you think of belly button piercings? They are SO cute imo. I want one, but I think it would look hideous on me. Maybe if I was actually thinner. Not saying bigger people can't wear belly button piercings, I just don't think it would look good on me. Do you like plain Lays potato chips? They're my favorite! I especially like the ruffled kind. Is there a big screen television in your house? In the living room, yeah. Would you rather no heat in winter or no A.C in summer? No heat in the winter, EASILY. I can't handle no A/C when it's hot. At least if you're cold, you can bundle up with tons of blankets. Have you ever had braces? I did for a long time because we couldn't afford to take them off. Do you do your own laundry? No, honestly. Mom likes to just do it all together, so I let her do it. Which do you prefer: English, Irish, or Australian accents? Irish. Is there anything on your bedroom door? Yeah! I got a "Meerkat Lover St." sign for my door. :') What is the best vegetable? Broccoli. Guys in eyeliner: Hot or not? That shit is h o t. Have you ever seen your favorite band live? No. :( Do you drink water or soda more often? Ugh, soda. Did you collect Pokemon cards back in the day? I didn't deliberately, but only because I was awkward about asking for Pokemon stuff because I thought people thought I was weird for being a girl and being obsessed with it. I think I got one pack. I really, really wish I'd been less self-conscious about that passion. Pet turtle: yay or nay? I'm personally not interested. Did anyone famous come from your town/city/school? Yeah, but I'm not sharing who. Have you ever seen a celebrity on the street? No. Have you ever pretended to be sick? To avoid school sometimes, yes. Can you ice skate? Never tried, too scared to. The blades terrify me. Do you have your nose pierced? No, but I want to have it redone. Do you loooove Tim Burton movies? I sure do! What arcade games do you like to play? I haven't been to an arcade in forever... but I liked the racing ones. What's the most expensive gift you've ever gotten for someone else? I'm not sure. Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom, or your dad? At this moment, probably my dad. We haven't hung out in a long time. What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? I'd be happy for her and tell her she'd better let me know if the person ever fucks up so I can kick some ass, ha ha. Are you easily confused? Very. I'm slow to understand things. Where was your MySpace/Facebook default taken? My bedroom. Can you whistle with your fingers in your mouth? No. I've never understood how that works. Do you like peanut butter? Love it.

[lailarain]

Spoilers for TBHK

TW: Mentions of s3xu@l åss@ult/@buse, $uicidə and bl00d

Episode 1:

I just finished episode 1 of Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun(Weird title, I know), and I just have to say...

I love Hanako and Nene and I will protect them both with my life🥰

Episode 2:

WOAH Hanako wyd😳

I kinda ship Hanako and Nene tho lol don't attack me

AYO THERE'S AN EYE UNDER YOUR DESK

Wait did Hanako steal her books or was it that eye thingy🤨

The title spelt faires wrong

OH SHOOT THE SCALES

Wait NO DON'T FALL FOR IT NENE IT'S BAIT

YES MA BOI HANAKO TO THE RESCUE

Wait are Yousei from japanese legend, like yokai or oni?

Okay I DEFINITELY SHIP THESE TWO

Wait why does Hanako look kinda said when she says that

awwww Hanako🥺

Wait what is he talking about who was his friend before

Nene is awesome istg🥺

WAIT WHO IS THE BLONDE DUDE WHY IS HE LOOKING FOR HANAKO NO

"I wish a hot guy who fall out the sky for me that way" girl Hanako is literally RIGHT there

Omfg this orange hair f-boy🤨

Wait WASN'T THAT THE NAME OF HER CRUSH

Hanako just standing there like 😐

WAIT NO LEAVE HANAKO ALONE

He tried to not swear in front of her lol

HOLDUP MA PRECIOUS BABY BOI DID NOT MURDER SOMEONE WTF

HOW DARE HE SAY THAT NO ONE WANTS HANAKO AROUND

Jesus Hanako is so cute lol

I honestly can't tell if hanako is an owo boy or a bruh boy istg

OKAY CAN SOMEONE TELL WHO THIS WEIRD RADOI LADY IS AND WHY SHE KEEPS SHOWING UP AT THE END OF THE EPISODE

Episode 3:

(That one part in the intro) Step-yellow sillouette, what you doing😳

For real tho Hanako looks pretty scared during that part of the intro why are they biting his ear(maybe Hanako was a victim of s3xu@l assault?)

Wait isn't Hanako the 7th of the 7 Wonders

Okay that's kinda gross😟

Okay Aoi is pretty sweet😌

WAIT NO AOI SHE WAS TOO PRECIOUS

NO AOI BETTER NOT BE GONE

NO NOT THE BLOOD

What is she talking about he's not hot at all🤨

OH SHOOT IS HE A GHOST

Okay can minamoto leave Hanako alone🙄

Awww Hanako is half hto and half cute I might be a simp

OKAY WOAH THIS PLACE IS COOL

I mean Hanako has a good point😳

NO DON'T ANSWER IT

OKAY WOAH DON'T ASK SOME HIGH SCHOOLER TO GO COLLECT YOUR BODY PARTS NOPE

Okay WOAH how old are you exactly, Hanako?

Okay this fantasy is making me uncomfortable😀

Girl, you're already cute. You don't need to be a Miu Iruma lookalike to find love

THE BOOBS LMAOO😭😭😭😭😭

Awwww Hanako being sweet to Nene🥺

YES HANAKO SAVING THE DAY

Wait why didn't she answer his question🤨

Wait who WAS making those phone calls?

WAIT THE EPISODE IS ALREADY OVER?!?!?!?

Episode 4:

Okay but for real WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE YELLOW SILHOUETTE AND HANAKO IN THE INTRO?!?!?!

Wait I just noticed that in the part with the yellow silhouette, Hanako is tied up with rope😳

Okay here's my theory:

When Hanako was alive, he was a student at the school. He was s3xu@lly a$$aulted in the bathroom, and muđəred his attacker out of anger/mental instability, therefore cursing him to the bathroom he was assaulted in. He became a ghost to make up for his sins.

Idk I could be totally off-base

HOLY FUCK IT'S A HEAD

IT'S THE BODY LMAOOO

Wait she actually likes it🤨

HOLY SHIT EWWWWWW

WAIT WHAT NO NOT AOI

WHAT THE FUCK NOOOOOO NOT AOI

WAIT YES AOI ISN'T DEAD

Hanako is so sweet istg.

HANAKO REALLY JUST PUSHED HER OFF THE EDGE LIKE A PSYCHOPATH AJAGRKEBDUDBD

Can she not spell or something🤨

WAIT WAS THE GHOST A STUDENT OF MISAKI

Wait she had a crush on her teacher that's so gross

Oh no. The student didn't know Misaki was murdered🥺

WAIT NO THIS IS SAD

OH SHOOT THAT IS DARK

aww she misses the teacher🥺

YES HANAKO MY BOY

WAIT HANAKO NO HE'S HURT

Nene is really fed up😳

WAIT WHAT NO SHE'S GONNA DIE?!?!?!?!

Awwww poor girl🥺

Why'd she have to die😭

Little Fox is mean😑

WAIT DID HE JUST KISS HER YES BABY

WAIT WHO'S THAT GREEN-HAIR GIRL

HE FORGOT ABOUT MINAMOTO LMAOOO😭

Episode 5:

Okay BUT WHO IS GRABBING HANAKO IN THE INTRO ISTG

LMAO SHE WAS FANTASIZING😭😭😭

Okay but she's SO pretty with her in a braid

Are you sure there was NOTHING good about that😏

YES AOI MY GIRL GIVING HER GOOD ADVICE

But I doubt Hanako would admit it

WAIT DID HANAKO PLANT THAT TREE OR AM I PARANOID

I'm excited to see how THIS plays out😁

HANAKO WHAT DID YOU SAYYYYY

WAIT IS HE REALLY GONNA DO IT

WAIT ARE THESE BITCHES GAYYYYYY

Wait what if the tree curses people

GIRL ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT HANAKO ISN'T HOT AS IS!?!?!?

WAIT YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS THIS IS SO COOL

WAIT WHAT'S THE CATCH

Of course he didn't actaully mean it THIS SUCKS😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE'S HOLDING HER I REPEAT HE'S HOLDING HER

poor Nene

WAIT OH NO SHE'S CRYING

WAIT DOES HE ACTUALLY LIKE HER

HE'S BLUSHING WHAT

YES YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSSS

WAIT HE'S RIGHT THERE

I was right they have the same last name!

WAIT THIS BITCH BETTER NOT COME BETWEEN HANAKO AND NENE

CAN THIS BITCH SHUT UP

TERU STOP IT RN

Okay I kinda feel bad for Kou rn🥺

HOW IS HE ANY OF THOSE THINGS

Wait who is that girl🤨

YES I WANNA FIND OUT MORE ABOUT HANAKO

THE GREEN HAIR GIRL AND NATSU-SOMETHING ARE UP TO NO GOOD I CAN FEEL IT

Wait WHY WAS HANAKO SMILING

I have a bad feeling about this.

Episode 6:

Yeah Hanako really seems like the good guy🤨

WOAH what's up with the door?

I love the Mokkes🥺

It's her book😶

WOAH OKAY THEN SHE REALLY IS IN LOVE

WAIT WHY IS THERE BLOOD

HOLDUP HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT

HANAKO MA BOI

WOAH OKAY YES HE'S HOLDING HER

DID HE JUST EAT THE BUTTERFLY

God I love Hanako

WAIT YOU'RE GONNA CANCEL THE WHAT NOW

Ooooooo I wanna heae some juicy secrets😏

Girl, that secret wasn't juicy at all🙄

Wait what does the library ghost know🤨

SAY SOMETHING HANAKO YES

He's so cute tho

BUT I LOVE DONUTS TOO HOW IS THAT JUICY

HANAKO YOU WERE LOOKING REAL PROTECTIVE OF HER THEN😏😏😏

I feel bad for Nene because they keep saying her legs are fat, as if the boys that say that are gonna get any better. NENE IS A FREAKIN CATCH😤😤😤

Wait what is he talking about Hanako😶

WAIT HE IS TALKING ABOUT HANAKO, ISN'T HE

WAIT HANAKO WAS HIS STUDENT HE'S SO CUTE

Awwwww Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺

WAIT HANAKO ISN'T EVEN HIS NAME!??!?!? IT'S YUGI?!?!?!?

Awwwww Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Wait, so did Hanako commit $uicidə, or am I just paranoid?

Wait so that means that happened on the day of July 15, 1969.......SO HOW OLD IS HANAKO AGAIN?!?!?!?!?

WAIT SO HE NEVER GOT HIS DREAM TO COME TRUE BECAUSE HE DIED THAT'S SO SAD

Wait so am I right DID HE REALLY COMMIT $UICIDƏ ?!?!?!?

I THINK HANAKO SMELLS A SNITCH

Man this is a lot to unpack for just one episode

Episode 7:

I love how childish Hanako is

WAIT I SAW THE YELLOW SILOUETTE THING AGAIN AND I HAVE A THOUGHT:

What if Hanako got those bruises because of the səxua| ass@ult thing I said before? That would make sense.

Idk maybe I'm just too obsessed with that theory

I see Hanako differently after the Library too, but in a different way.

What why the donuts?

He's totally lying. I bet he's gonna make some for Hanako🥺

Okay but Kou is actually pretty sweet

I mean, if he DID murder someone who bullied him, they had it coming for touching my precious Hanako😤

Yous shouldn't stop being friends with someone just because it's complicated. ALL friendships are complicated. It isn't supposed to be easy.

Awwww Nene🥺🥺🥺

Okay I'm kinda hungry for donuts now

Ugh it's Teru🙄

Okay KOU YOU'RE ACTUALLY PRETTY COOL

Okay Teru YOU SUCK SO MUCH

SO ARE THE GREEN HAIR AND NASTU-SOMETHING BIY EVIL OR NOT I'M SO CONFUSED

Hanako is so cute sometimes istg

POOR HANAKO OOF

YES NENE😤😤

THEY ARE BLUSHING I REPEAT THEY ARE BLUSHING

"You're totally not my type" okay first of all that is bullshit and second of all get yourself a boy who's chill when you say you don't like them

OKAY WHAT'S GOING ON

HE'S GOLDING HER

Wait why does Hanako look terrified that's not good

HOLDUP WHO DID HE KILL WHY IS THERE AN AD RIGHT WHEN IT'S ABOUT TO SAY WHO HE KILLED

WOAH WHO THE FUCK IS THAT WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE HANAKO WHAT IS GOING ON AHDVEKDVEIDVDJ

GET YOUR HAND OFF OF HIS FACE THIS GUY TOTALLY $EXU@LLY @SSAULTED HIM

YES NENE PROTECT YOUR MAN

HOLY SHIT HE'S BURNING

DID HE REALLY JUST RE-TRAUMATIZE HANAKO AND THEN LEAVE?!?!?!?

WAIT WHAT IS HANAKO DOING

WAIT HE'S CRYING

HANAKO WHAT'S WRONG

I WANNA GIVE HANAKO A HUG SO BADLY ISTG

WAIT SO THERE'S THE ONES CHANGING THE RUMORS?

OKAY WHO IS THIS BITCH

Wait THAT'S HIS BROTHER WHY DID HE KILL HIS BROTHER

This partially denies the possiblity of my theory(MOSTLY denies it), but not entirely. There's a big chance I'm wrong.

WAIT SO SAKURA IS THE ONE DOING THE RADIO THING?!?!?!

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺

I have a feeling that that is probably jsut a random student😅

Hanako, I hate it when you're sad😭😭😭

WAIT SO HIS EARRING WAS FOR TRAFFIC SAFETY THE WHOLE TIME LMAOOOOO

OKAY WOAH BACK UP GHOST-PERSON

KOU IS NOT A M0ŁƏ$TER

Wait that was the whole episode?

Episode 8:

Okay the person @ssaulting(maybe even $exua||y @$$aulting idk I think I'm just obsessed with that theory) in the intro is definitely his brother

Mitsuba is kinda weird and annoying, but also funny at the same time

Excuse me Traffic safety is no joke😐

WAIT SO HE KNEW MITSUBA AND JUST FORGOT?!?!?!?

Awwww Mitsuba🥺🥺🥺🥺

No Mitsuba you're cool

KOU WHAT THE F ARE YOU SAYING

AWWWWW THIS IS SO SWEET

MITSUBA I SEE YOU BLUSHING😏😏😏😏

MITSUBA NOOOOOOOOOO

TSUKASA STOP IT

NO POOR MITSUBA STOP IT

HOW DARE THEY

NOOOOOO MITSUBA AAAAAAAA

OKAY IMA BOUT TO THROW HANDS WITH TSUKASA, WHO'S WITH ME😤😤😤😤

TSUKASA YOU SICK SEDUCER STOP LYING TO MITSUBA

NOOOOOOOOO MITSUBA

POOR HANAKO LEAVE HIM ALONE TSUKASA

Okay "Let's play together like we used to" really sounds like $exu@l @$$ault

Kou🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Awwww Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

NO THIS ISN'T THE WAY MITSUBA SHOULD GO OUT NO

I'm am so close to crying rn

OH KOU JUST REALIZED WHAT HE WAS TAKING A PHOTO OF AWWWWW

Okay wow all of that really happened in one episode

Episode 9:

I'm sorry that I won't shut up about my theory BUT THAT ONE PART REALLY LOOKS LIKE WHAT I THINK IT IS I SWEAR

I feel so bad for Hanako rn tho

Omfg It's Natsuhiko🙄

Nene stop it this dude is BAD NEWS

WAIT NO THEY BETTER NO DO ANYTHING TO MY PRECIOUS NENE ISTG

I HAVE THE SAME QUESTIONS, NENE

FRIENDS MY ASS

(To be continued here because I ran out of space)

[space-kitten-606]

Oooh good question! At first i was like "hmm idk" but then i thought about it-

They have those "hooks" on their tongues for the main purpose of grooming, so I doubt catboys would have them lol

...if they did, that would make for some... interesting makeout sessions 😅

[417]

Also yes!! Get some rest! >.<

I mean, I was mostly thinking about them dragging their rough tongue along your neck or something, especially when you're already sensitive because of your excitement ~

Kissing would be weird af if they had them. Even worse they'd probably irritate your own tongue so much it potentially would start bleeding or something. That's not fun :/

So I must say I am 50/50 into rough tongues lol they do feel super interesting on skin in general, but thinking about them on more sensitive skin sounds at least slightly terrifying.

Also!!!! I did get rest! I was napping the whole day and had a bunch of weird dreams but it was really nice! Thank fuck there's longer daylight already because there's nothing more confusing to wake up in the afternoon but it is dark. Waking up in the afternoon and seeing some daylight is quite another story though!

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog - 2012 annual

iirc the annual takes place between 7 and 8, or something. whatever, im gonna go for it

shifts in art style always throw me off phewwww

i cant remember what theyre doing but i find it really funny that first aid is there squaring the fuck up to punch shit

ah yes of course how could i forget the time they shrunk down to fight tiny robots in ultra magnus’s head. a comic classic 

poor magnus lmao

HBJSDKFBSHJFDHJSD HIS TERRIFYING SMILE HAUNTS MY NIGHTMARES. LOVE IT

love the continuation of magnus’s law-vision

the fact that everyone is dunking on magnus for smiling ONCE hvbhjdksbfjks

rewind and chromedome ough

i feel like cyclonus spends 90% of his early mtmte screentime staring broodingly out of windows lmao 

tg so precious

lmaooo i love the flashes of rodimus saying ‘til all are one’ All The Time

rodimus just wants to be like his dad ok

rodimus telling drift to go meditate or something vbhjfdbhdsjkf

i love rodimus calling magnus out on referring to himself in the third person lmaoooo but also I'm like Oh I See That [eyes emoji]

wish i had emojis on the computer sigh

lmao so the circle of light is a bunch of pacifists With Big Ass Swords

them betting on how long it'll take rodimus to say ‘til all are one’ vbkjsdhbfjhkhsdf

damn so ambulon rlly did switch sides late in the game 

cyclonus is here!! being an emotionally closed-off fool as usual 

nooo rodimus let tailgate speak

cant believe rodimus graffiti’d tailgate

drift, immediately: rodimus is FUCKING POSSSESSED 

ratchet: ok, no, 

godddd everything abt the galactic counsel here is so funny. ‘its big - its grey - its taxpayer funded’ hvbkjshdbfjkdf and the fact that their ship is called ‘the benign intervention’ lmaooo

also DAMN that is a BIG ASS SHIP 

‘a fleshling in a stupid hat’ i love rodimus and his irrational hatred of hats

magnus comin in CLUTCH with the dry-ass clauses shit 

rewind vhjbdskfbaksdfn ‘the sub-section 7 defense - sneaky’ ily

tailgate hvbhjadkfbjskdf its ok that you don't know what's going on

also tailgate serves a vital role in the story as the audience insert character (or w/e its called), bc he’s often confused which allows for handy exposition that we the audience also need lmao 

i find it so interesting to see how the cybertronians are viewed by the rest of the galaxy - we don't see a lot of aliens but its always fascinating when we do, because of COURSE they’re mostly gonna think of the cybertronians as destructive and war-like when that’s what they’ve been up to for 4 million years 

ooof swerve :( swerve is one of those characters who you’re like ‘haha he’s funny’ most of the time but pretty often he’ll have startling moments of like, deep pain about life or w/e, and you’re like Oh Shit and then you kinda move on, until finally the swearth arc hits and it all comes together. what I'm saying is that this is some nice building towards that 

HGDSBJFKJSJBDF THERE IT IS THERE IT ISSSSSSSSSS

THE PANEL WHERE REWIND IN ALT MODE CAN FLY FOR SOME REASONNNNNN

i fucking love that shot so much. does everyone see this. rewind is a GIANT FUCKIN FLASHDRIVE and he’s hovering ominously thru the air. like, what happened to all the biz from issue 1 or w/e where his husband was roasting him for having a non-mobile altmode? if he can fucking HOVER than Actually rewind is the fucking coolest, no contest 

or like, is the implication that they all teleported there (having switched to alt mode along the way i guess?) and rewind is just like, suspended in midair? bc that's what the speed bubble text implies, but it also totally looks like they're just travelling across the area and rewind can levitate

anyways. that panel has always cracked me up lmaoooo

rodimus calling the council ‘fascists’ hvbhduifbjsdjfajskf sir i love you 

GODDD and there's the joke payoff from a few issues ago - rewind, facing front, hearing drift transform behind him and not only being able to tell its drift without looking, but also being able to tell that drift is upset, JUST like chromedome said he could....fucking PEAK i love that type of payoff humor

ooof and more swerve introspection. i mentioned earlier but i fucking LOVE how this series showcases the extremely wide range of reactions/coping mechanisms that everyone has towards the endless war finally being over - and swerve really nails it here: confusing peace with happiness, and assuming that everything would automatically be better after the war is over, when in reality you still have to work just as hard to build shit rather than break it

also i adore the horror of a guy who is half-embedded in the wall, his face stuck in a rictus of terror & death, waxing philosophical about how peace is about the freedom of choice, and how they should all just feel lucky to have survived...oof, that's very specifically ironic coming from you, dude 

but i do love the little characterization we get here for ore, a character who is literally already dead and has so far been used as a plot device pretty exclusively, but we still get to know little things about him here, and how HE feels about the war and the current peace, etcetc. it really makes the story and characters seem believable, like every character has a story even if we don't take the time to see it 

love cyclonus posing coolly 

kinda love how clear it is that drifts whole hippy schtick is just a front to cover his anger, and a tool to make him seem like an approachable, upstanding autobot

drift dramatically monologuing while pointing his sword at the sky is extra funny with everyone else just staring at him doing this

cyclonus why are you grabbing at the edge of the hole you're falling into, you can LITERALLY FLY, 

magnus finally getting some appreciation for being The most law abiding guy like, ever 

genuinely forgot abt the whole metrotitan plot that happens here 

GOD when rodimus is like BRAIN QUEST TIME and then we smash cut to them at the brain ‘six minutes later’ vhbhkudfjbjksf i live for that shit 

also that would be even funnier animated which further proves that we need an mtmte/ll animated series, please, somebody, 

HBDSJKFSHDJF REWIND IS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY you cant even tell if he GENUINELY didn't think cyclonus could talk or if hes just being a dick but either way? comedy gold 

oh i adore the flashbacks being in a different artstyle, especially one that's so retro 

i love rewind being a history geek, and cyclonus passionately explaining cybertronian creation theory

HHHH i fucking LOVE the myth/lore stuff like....a lot of franchises tend not to dwell in this type of mythology, you tend to get The True Version Of Events, but this kind of explanation rocks bc it totally sounds like the kind of religious mythology that naturally develops based on a species’ progression

and drift and ratchet’s very opposing and polarizing views certainty do make for interesting perspectives, tho i feel like the story sometimes leans too much towards ratchet being ‘more correct’ bc, logic! or something idk i feel like i used to have a couple mild opinions on this but i don't remember

and its funny bc i am, irl, an atheistic medical professional who believes in science above all else - essentially just like ratchet. but i feel like the narrative portrayal skews a little more in his favor than i’d like, despite that 

skids just out here being a bummer, completely unprompted. cant even blame you tho dude 

hhhhhh chromedome talking abt rewind ;_; 

and when he says ‘maybe there’s someone out there who can save your life, too’ and cyclonus is there....hhhh

god i fucking LOVE drift and rodimus’s entire relationship. the layers...the LAYERS!!!

OH HEY ITS THOSE ROBOTS SKIDS FOUGHT 

ah, inconvenient laser time!

ok i fuckgin love how cybertronian’s brains look just like the planet cybertron. that's so fucking great 

of COURSE brainstorm brought his shrink ray 

truly i love the convo between ore and swerve, especially overlaid onto everyone fighting 

oof, the themes and plot threads of this annual are all so nicely tied up (which is something i love abt mtmte, especially early on when the story is smaller), with swerve now choosing to disobey an order from rodimus

oh yeah, the circle of light! that's who you've been looking for this whole time basically! 

and then the ending, hearing that magnus smiled (willingly!) :) i love it

rodimus’s profile says ‘finds it difficult to sit still’ bc rodimus is an adhd icon

lmao i feel like over half of my sentences in this recap - and in most of my recaps - contain ‘i love it’ or ‘i love how-’ or some variation upon that theme. I'm predictable 

anyways - the annual! i love this issue. its really long which is cool and i feel like it does a lot to flesh out the setting and lore, and even the characters as well. also, as i said above, it does an excellent job telling an exciting and well-contained story, with solid story beats throughout and plot threads that emerge and get resolved all within this issue, even while leaving plenty of stuff up for future resolution. that's the Early MTMTE Special, and i adore it. tho i will say I'm glad we’ll be getting back to the regularly scheduled art style, bc this one didn't really do it for me 

[tfwhynoy]

Timer soulmate au with Tfp Shockwave perhaps? I think it would be cute. Also, I absolutely love your work, whatever you are getting paid in whatever job you may have isn't enough because you deserve much better

Idk if this could be considered cute but hopefully it’s interesting. Had fun writing it though!

When you told the bots you’d meet your soulmate within a week everyone was ecstatic for you. They congratulated you and jokingly had you promise to tell them everything about them.

When you had less than twenty hours you were so giddy and excited. It was strange too since you would meet then near night but it’s something you knew months prior and excepted.

You went with Smokescreen on to grab energon while you waited for the day to tick by. The energon mine that had been reclaimed long before was chocked full still and all that really needed to be done was refine the crystals that were already strewn about, put them through the refinery, then take the pure stuff back to base. It was nothing special and while you couldn’t actually help much you still chatted with Smokescreen while the machines refined it.

When a ground bridge opened you both were confused. No one else was supposed to be joining you two.

When vehicons began to flood through you Smokescreen launched into battle as quickly as he could. He was only one mech though, and an inexperienced one at that. He couldn’t even com for help because you were deep in a mine so his comlink didn’t work. You were scared for him and for yourself. You couldn’t help but run as far as you could away from the fight. Even as you ran part of you said to stay and help but what would a single human do against several dozen cons.

You ran deeper into the tunnels till you were out of breath. You hid in a corner that was mostly out of view. Smokescreen would escape and he would go get the rest of the team to save you. They had to. You couldn’t get out alone.

An hour passed. Then another.

It began to hurt to sit in one place for so long.

You were small and quick, at least by cybertronian standards, so maybe you could sneak out and call for help?

The tunnel you ran into was empty as you got out from your hiding spot. You walked quietly and as quickly as you could down then next. Hugging against the walls anytime a vehicon drew near. Thankfully with you being so short they never looked far enough down to see you there, let alone pay attention enough when you crouched behind a rock.

It's in the main area that four caught. With vehicons constantly extracting energon from every wall there just wasn’t anywhere to hide. Despite your best attempts, a vehicle found you and scooped you up immediately. With your relation to the Autobots, you’ll be a better asset alive.

You expected them to interrogate you immediately but apparently when Shockwave heard the news shortly after your arrival he wanted to do it himself. He claimed he’d be more efficient and get some experiments done along the way.

You’ve never really met any of the main cons. You’ve only seen Starscream and Megatron from afar. You’ve heard plenty about everyone else though and didn't like a single thing. Seeing them in person certainly didn't disprove what everyone said and the thought of meeting the emotionless and cruel Shockwave was terrifying.

Of course, it didn't matter what you felt so you kept your lips sealed the whole time you were on the Nemesis. None of Starscream’s mocking got you to snap something back, none of Megatron’s intimation got you to beg for freedom or mercy. You just acted like they didn't exist.

You were put in Shockwave’s lab alone. You wanted to try a daring escape, somehow MacGyver your way to freedom but there was no way you could. The glass of the container you were in was at least an inch thick. The top is only removable from the outside by a cybertronian. You were stuck at step one of an escape, let alone the next dozen.

You watched your timer tick down. Less than ten hours now. Would Shockwave bring someone in that would turn out to be your soulmate?

And yet Shockwave seemed to put you rather low on the priority list. No one came into the lab and you could only twiddle your thumbs.

An hour in and you tried to rock the container onto its side. Maybe you could push it off the edge or something. No matter how you threw your weight around it wouldn't even tip.

Three more hours and you began to feel the effects of such a stressful day. You felt emotionally spent and exhausted. You curled up into a small ball. A small nap wouldn't hurt considering the alternative was just to twiddle your thumbs for who knows how much longer.

You closed your eyes and pretended you were at the Autobot base. The kids had taken up the whole couch so you were just resting on the floor now. You were just spending the night and there weren't enough blankets, that's why you didn't have one. It was a fragile fantasy at best but you weren't trying to really fool yourself into believing it. Just relax enough by pretending you were there so you could rest.

The feeling of movement woke you up. It was Shockwave, his servo tightly holding the container and moving it someplace else. Someplace out of the lab you realized as he walked through the door.

You looked at your timer to see how long you had been asleep. How much longer till you met your soulmate now?

It was all zeros, the grey remains of the timer showing that you had met them.

But you had been asleep! When could you have met them?! Unless…

You looked up at Shockwave. Did you ”meet” him? Even just by waking up and see him? Was this emotionless robot of a cybertronian your soulmate?

”Shockwave?” His head kibble perked up slightly as he turned to you.

”What?” His voice was deep but flat. He almost seemed annoyed.

You opened your mouth to ask him but as his single red optic burned a whole through you the question died in your throat.

”Nevermind.” He tilted his head for a moment then returned to how he had been before you distracted him.

It felt like ages before the destination was reached and you were slightly surprised at what you saw. It just looked like a habsuit. Space and hardly used with only a few datapads stacked neatly here and there to even indicate it was even taken but this was a habsuit. There was a large berth in the corner and a table in the opposite with the formerly mentioned datapads. Looking again and there was a single crate of energon next to the table but nothing more. Why were you here?

”Okaaay. I’m not sure what type of interrogation I was expecting but I wasn’t expecting anything like this.”

”This is no longer an interrogation. With the recent development of you being my sparkmate you will be kept here for observation for the time being.” He set you on the table for a moment but you were still slightly shocked.

”Wait, you’re seriously my soulmate? And you’re just gonna leave me here all day or just sit and watch me or-”

”However illogical it is the simple fact that you are my sparkmate remains unchanged. You will be carried with me to each lab. I will inform Megatron you had nothing of value and that you died in experimentation. I will be collecting things to care for you but for the time being you must remain here.”

You open and closed your mouth wanting to protest but nothing came out. What could you say? You had no power here. You just wanted to go home…

”Will I ever be let go?”

”A logical query. Yes, when I am confident you won't run to the Autobots pleading for help I will let you return to your home.”

Great. Fan-fucking-tastic. Your stuck here for God only knows how long

With him

Lovely

[fallen-imagine-angel]

Forgotten Love - Newt Scamander x Reader

Notes: I got some inspiration and decided to finally write this! It’s been in my drafts for forever but I finally got to work on it and finished it! I hope you guys like it! And, as always, my asks/DMs/requests are almost always open to feel free to drop by! :)

Summary: What happens when Grindelwald recruits you by making you forget everything you ever knew?

Forgotten Love

Newt Scamander x Reader

Requested?: Nope.

Word Count: 3,725

Warnings: Memory loss, if that’s a warning...a little bit of fighting? idk

Run.

That’s all you can do.

“Get her!” Echoes behind you. You feel your feet hit the ground, propelling you forward as fast as you can go. You lost your wand somewhere in the fight along the way.

“Aha!” A woman apparates in front of you, pointing her wand at your chest as you skid to a stop, completely cornered. A wand presses into your back as well.

“Don’t kill her, we need her.” Gellert Grindelwald walks into your peripheral vision. You scowl.

“You think Newt won’t come for me?” You growl, being stubborn even in your last moments. You’re not letting them capture you, so that means death.

“Obliviate.” The woman in front of you smirks. Everything happens at once.

Your entire life flashes before your eyes, mostly moments of you with your fiance, Newt.

~+~

“Who are you?” You narrow your eyes, wand pointed at the intruder.

“M-My name’s Newt. I’m really sorry for disturbing you but I believe one of my creatures snuck in-- there he is!” Newt dashes past you. Your eyes widen.

“He’s going to be the death of me.”

~+~

“Will you travel with me?” Newt asks, hope in his eyes.

“Of course!”

~+~

“Newt, you bumbling idiot! I thought I lost you!” You scream at him, fists hitting his chest.

“You care about me that much, (Y/n/n)?” Newt smiles.

“...Maybe.” You let a tear fall. He wipes it away.

“I care for you even more. I love you.” Newt cups your cheek. You smile at him and through your tear-blurred vision press your lips to his.

~+~

“(Y/n/n)...will you marry me?” Newt is on one knee in front of you, the biggest smile ever on his face.

“Is that even a question, Scamander? Yes, of course, I’ll marry you.” You giggle and kiss him, letting him slide the engagement ring onto your finger.

“You’re going to be Mrs. Scamander.” He grins, pressing his lips to your hand.

“I can’t wait.”

~+~

Then everything goes blank.

All you remember is that you’re a witch. Besides that, you can’t remember a thing.

Not even your own name.

~A few hours later~

You groan and sit up in a comfortable bed, your head pounding.

“Oh my god-- she’s awake!” Someone next to you calls out, causing you to wince at the loud noise.

“Ugh…” You groan, blinking rapidly at the bright lights above you.

“(Y/n/n), are you okay? What happened? We found you passed out in the courtyard--” A man next to you starts to fumble over his words, grasping your hand in his. You jerk your hand away from his at the contact, looking at him alarmingly.

“Wh-Where am I? Who are all of you?” You sit up, pressing your back again the head of the bed. Your eyes scan for your wand, but it’s nowhere to be found.

“It...It’s us, (Y/n). Your friends.” A woman with black hair furrows her eyebrows at you.

“I don’t know any of you. I...I don’t even know me. Who am I?” You gasp, a hand flying over your mouth.

“No…” The man next to you whispers. You turn to him, a confused expression on your face. As you gaze into his eyes, you see his heart breaking. You see his whole world collapse.

You wish this affected you, but you don’t even know him.

“I...I’ve got to go, I’m sorry.” You throw the blankets off of you and get up from the bed, despite their numerous protests. You search through the sheets for your wand, but it’s not there.

“Wait, (Y/n), please...it’s me, it’s Newt...do you seriously not remember me? Remember us?” The man grabs your hand. You turn to him, looking down at your intertwined fingers curiously. You see the ring on your finger.

You feel nothing.

“Please don’t touch me.” You let go of his hand and take the ring off, setting it in his palm. You run out of the apartment before another word can be said.

~+~

You’re walking along the streets, feeling the rain pour down on your skin. The cold seeps into your bones, causing you to shiver.

“Are you okay?” A woman stops you as she passes, holding her umbrella over the both of you.

“Huh? Oh, yeah...I’ll be fine. Thank you.” You smile curtly and start to walk again.

“I can help you, you know. I know who you are.” The woman hums. You stop in your tracks, turning around slowly.

“You do? Are you a witch, too?” You ask quietly. She nods.

“I am, and my leader can help you restore your memory.” She smiles, but there’s a slight smirk in the smile.

“I’d...I’d like that. Can you take me to him?” You ask, walking closer to her again.

“Yes, of course. Take my hand.” She holds out her hand. You take it.

“I’m (Y/n), by the way...I think.” You frown, remembering the name that the people kept calling you when you woke up.

“Vinda, a pleasure to meet you.” She smirks and apparates the two of you away.

~+~

“I’ve been expecting you, (Y/n) (Y/l/n).” A man with two different colored eyes and white-blond hair looks at you deviously.

“Is that my name?” You search his eyes for dishonesty, not knowing who you can and can’t trust at this moment.

“Yes, it is. My name is Gellert Grindelwald and like Vinda said, I know who you truly are. Would you like to know?” He hums, twirling his wand in hand.

“Yes, I would.” Your fingers twitch, itching to know the unknown.

“I can give you bits and pieces at a time as you work under me, but that’s all I can do. Is that okay? I do say, it is better than nothing.” Grindelwald muses, casting a glance your way.

“I’ll take it.” You agree, holding out your hand to shake. Grindelwald smiles and shakes your hand

“It’s a deal, then. You work for me and I help you gain your memory.” He nods. You try for a smile back.

“We have your wand. We found it a while back, it’s how I knew where to find you.” Vinda hands you a polished wand that you immediately knew to be yours. It felt right when you picked it up.

“Thank you, I appreciate all that you’ve done so far.” You take in a small breath, finally feeling some sort of peace now that you have the only belonging you remember.

~+~

“So you’re saying that the people I woke up surrounded by are the bad guys? They want to lock us up?” Your eyes widen as you learn everything. Vinda has taken the responsibility of catching you up on everything Grindelwald can’t restore to your memory.

“Yes. Their names are Tina, Newt, and Jacob. Jacob is a muggle with no magical abilities but Tina is a witch and Newt is a wizard.” She informs you, her eyes boring into yours. You gulp.

“Why were they so nice, then? They didn’t act like they wanted me locked up--”

“Because they were acting. They knew your memories were wiped and they wanted to get you on their side. They’re devious, don’t let them and their lies trick you into submission. Stick with us and we’ll guide you to the truth.” She lays a hand on your shoulder, a small smile resting on her face. You nod.

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” You bite your lip.

“Good. I’ll let you get settled now.” Vinda leaves your room. You sit down, thoroughly confused by the events of today.

A sharp pain races through your head and you wince, holding your head in your hands.

You groan as a memory washes through you.

~+~

“Are you kidding me, Newt!? I had it out there, you have to trust me!” You yell at Newt, fury evident in your body language.

“(Y/n), you know I trust you.” He counters, looking offended.

“Do you? Because you didn’t out there. I had it covered but you didn’t trust me so you had to take over. It’s ridiculous. Being in a relationship means trusting each other! If we can’t handle that, then what else can we not handle?” You scream at him.

“I...I can’t have this argument right now. I’m going to my room.” He whispers, dejectedly turning around and trudging off.

~+~

You gasp, coming back to reality again. That had to be a memory.

So you were in a relationship Newt.

“I understand that you saw the memory I just gave you.” Grindelwald walks into your room, hands clasped in front of him.

“Um...yeah, I did. Newt and I were together? What happened?” You question, not knowing who to trust again.

“The two of you never stopped arguing in your relationship. That’s one of the many times that you never settled the argument, just went your own way afterward. The two of you eventually broke things off by starting a nasty duel. You both left it with serious injuries. After that, he kept trying to get you back by proving he was a nice guy again. He’ll continue to do that now that you’ve lost your memories, (Y/n), don’t let him get the best of you. He’s wretched.” Grindelwald explains, causing you to relax a little bit.

“Why did we fight?” You murmur, bringing a hand to your aching head.

“He was cheating on you. You knew but didn’t want to believe it, and he didn’t want you to believe it either. He was in love with another woman named Tina Goldstein.” He hums. You think back to the woman with short black hair who was there when you woke up.

You can trust him, right? He’s the one giving you your memories back.

“Yeah...yeah that sounds...right.” You try to search through the little memory you have, coming back with nothing. You have to blindly trust Grindelwald and that terrifies you, but you have no other choice.

“I’m glad you’re starting to remember. I know it’s hard to come here knowing nothing, having to trust some guy you think you just met, but...I’m very proud of you. You’re doing good things for the wizarding world, you’ll soon see that.” Grindelwald lays a calming hand on your shoulder. For some reason, you feel happy. It’s the first time you’ve felt comfortable and loved since you woke up with no memories.

“I start training tomorrow, right?” You ask, looking up at Grindelwald again.

“Yes. Vinda will train you.” Grindelwald smiles and nods. 

“I’m...I’m excited.” You give him a small smile and his eyes light up. “Good! You’re getting back to your normal self already. Always ready to defend the people you care about.” Grindelwald’s smile turns from slightly cruel to actually caring. You’re startled by the change but you guess he sees you as a daughter figure, someone to train and keep under his wing.

You’re not upset by that revelation.

“Thank you. I’m tired, though, so I think I’m going to go to bed.” You nod, pursing your lips.

“Of course. I will see you tomorrow.” He apparates away. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Tomorrow will be a long day.

~+~

“We will start with a simple duel to test your skills.” Vinda readies her wand, prepared for you to be an easy fight. You’re determined to prove her wrong.

And prove her wrong you did. Within minutes, you have her pinned to the ground with your wand hovering over her neck. She’s shocked but impressed.

“Another round?” You get up and flip your wand in your hand, slightly arrogant.

“Where did you learn those moves?” She asks, narrowing her eyes in a calculating way.

“What do you mean?” You ask innocently.

“You used your wand, yes...but you also used wandless magic as well as physical fighting moves. How? No one else hardly does that…” She trails off, tucking her wand into her jacket pocket.

“It’s more efficient. Witches and wizards only use their wands, which is a dumb move. They’re completely defenseless without a wand, so I’ve become determined to not be defenseless without a wand.” You huff, putting your hands on your hips. You want to say you’ve never been so insulted, but...you don’t know if you have or not.

“Right...uh, I don’t think you need any more training right now. You seem pretty prepared…” Vinda brings her hand up to her jaw where a bruise is forming from you punching her.

“Sorry ‘bout that.” You smile sheepishly at her.

“Don’t be. You’re powerful, you should never be sorry for winning a fight.” She smirks.

“What now?” You ask.

“I need to talk to Grindelwald...you, on the other hand, have some free time now.” She nods curtly and spins on her heel, walking through the grand doors leading to Grindelwald’s office. You sigh and start getting out of your dueling gear.

“Hi, (y/n).” A woman steps into your line of sight, a small smile on her face. She has short golden locks twisted into curls and beautiful makeup.

“Hi?” You ask more than state, confusion lacing through your features.

“Sorry, my name’s Queenie! I forgot that you lost your memories. I knew you before you lost ‘em. And...I used to be friends with Newton and Jacob. Tina is my sister.” She introduces herself, looking timid when she mentions your connections to each other.

“Right...Tina’s sister.” You snarl, not knowing why you carry such hatred for Newt and Tina, probably because what Grindelwald explained to you yesterday.

“Have you gotten any memories back?” She seems nervous, her eyes darting across the room.

“Uh...one, yeah. Newt and I fighting about how we can’t trust each other. I suppose that’s why he cheated on me, huh?” You joke lightly, but you can hear the gravelly tone underneath.

“Cheated on-- oh, uh, yeah. I guess so.” She frowns, looking down to her feet. You squint suspiciously at her.

“You okay?” You ask, tucking your wand away.

“Yup, I’m fine. I’ve got to go, though. See you later!” She runs off. You watch as she leaves, something unsettling about the conversation.

You’ll find out eventually.

~+~

A while later, you’re strolling down an empty hall, grateful for some peace and quiet finally.

That doesn’t last long.

In a flash, Newt is in front of you and he has your hand in his, dragging you away.

“Hey, get off of me!” You struggle in his grip, finally wrenching your hand out of his grasp.

“Come on, (Y/n), we have to go before they figure out I’m here.” He reaches for your hand again, but you jerk it away before he can grab it. You reach for your wand instead, pointing it steadily at him.

“Get away from me.” You growl, having a spell ready to use.

“No, I’m breaking you out of this place. Come with me.” He pleads, not even taking out his wand. You snarl.

Grindelwald warned you about this. He’s tricking you.

“Stupefy!” You flick your wand at him. He barely dodges, his eyes widening more when he realizes you’re serious.

“Stop, you don’t want to do this! I love you and you love me!” He pleads, taking out his own wand.

“Grindelwald told me you fell in love with someone else. Incendio!” You cast, catching his coat on fire. He quickly squirts some water on it with his wand, pointing it back at you but not casting anything.

“And you just believe everything Grindelwald says?” He looks hurt, his eyes pleading in a nonverbal way.

“I have no other choice. Aqua eructo!” You jerk your hand toward him and a jet of water soaks him to the bone. You’re about to cast another spell to turn him to ice when he confuses you. He puts his wand away, holding his hands up and stepping closer to you.

“You don’t have to do this, (y/n/n).” He uses a nickname, one that involuntarily makes you blush. 

“I..I do.” You try to ignore the emotions you’re feeling, opting for focusing on your shaking hand instead. You don’t realize that Newt is standing only about a foot in front of you now, reaching out a hand to your cheek. He cups your cheek and you lean into his touch briefly, it feeling right. 

“No, you don’t.”

Then his lips are on yours.

You kiss back for a split second before you snap out of it, pushing him away.

“Get off of me!” You shriek, more than confused. You thought you knew what to believe, but now you’re not so sure about anything.

Do you trust Newt or Grindelwald?

Your head is splitting.

“(Y/n/n)--”

“Don’t call me that! Get away from me!” You scream in agony, your head pounding from a terrible headache, worse than anything you’ve ever felt before. You sink to your knees, cradling your head in your hands as you feel your throat go raw from your cries.

“Is there a problem, (Y/n)-- guards!” Vinda finds you and Newt, her eyes set ablaze as soon as she sees Newt. She rushes to your side, picking you up from your knees and helping you out of the room.

Part of you hopes that Newt escapes.

~+~

“What happened?” Vinda asks softly, sitting down on the bed next to you.

“I-I don’t know...he just appeared in front of me and starting trying to convince me I loved him…” You gasp, your head still pounding just as hard as earlier. Nothing was getting easier.

“Newt is vile, remember that. I’ll let you get some rest now. You need it.” She gets up and heads to the door, turning your light off as she walks out.

You lay down on your bed, breathing heavily as you feel your head splitting two different ways. Grindelwald or Newt.

Grindelwald or Newt.

“You okay, hun?” Queenie knocks on your door, quickly slipping in, unnoticed.

“I’m...uh, fine.” You groan, obviously anything but fine.

“I lied to you earlier.” She whispers.

“What?” You ask, barely opening your eyes to get a look at her. She looks solemn and sorry, brows furrowed as she concentrates.

“Grindelwald lied to you and I went along with it. Newt never cheated on you, sweetie.” She bites her lip, timidly meeting your eyes.

“I need to go to sleep.” You whimper, not knowing what to believe at all. You want to believe Grindelwald, but with two people telling you otherwise, can you?

You need to sleep on it. Maybe that will reveal the truth.

“Okay. I’ll go.” She whispers and slips out of the door much as she came. You go to sleep, tossing and turning worse than ever before.

~+~

Running. So much running.

“Get her!” Voices.

So many voices.

“Don’t kill her. We need her.” Grindelwald. He smiles at you briefly, cruelly.

“You think Newt won’t come for me?” You grunt.

There’s a wand pointed at you.

“Obliviate.”

~+~

You wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for air.

“(Y/n/n).” You murmur, the nickname rolling off your tongue. Newt called you (Y/n/n) back when you were dueling him, he can’t be making that up if it still made you feel the same way. 

If you hate him, then why didn’t you hurt him in that duel? You never used a truly harmful spell on him. You couldn’t.

Newt and Queenie were right all along.

“Sorry, your thoughts were so loud while you were dreaming and I couldn’t help but overhear. You believe me?” Queenie bursts into your room, a smile gracing her lips.

“Y-Yeah, I do. I remembered...Grindelwald obliviating me. We have to get out of here.” You get up from your bed.

“Oh, honey, I can’t leave. They’ll get suspicious if we’re both gone for too long. I’ll stay here and work undercover. Tell my sister and Jacob that I love them and that I’m sorry for deceiving them.” She smiles sadly at you.

“I will. Thank you.” You grip her shoulders and give her a small smile. She purses her lips and nods solemnly at you. You grab your wand and apparate away, to the apartment you woke up in. Tina, Newt, and Jacob all stare at you alarmed.

“Drop your wand!” Tina reacts first, pointing her wand at you.

“Wait! I realized...Grindelwald is my enemy.” You gulp, dropping your wand to the floor.

“And how do we know we can trust you?” Jacob asks, warily looking you up and down for other weapons.

“Newt…” You plead, meeting his eyes. He takes a step forward, cautiously. You walk the rest of the way, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your lips to his roughly. 

The moment your lips touch, everything comes rushing back to you like a flood. You remember it all. Everything you didn’t know before is suddenly crystal clear like a fog had been lifted.

Tears prick your eyes.

“You remember?” Newt breathes out as you pull away from the kiss, his eyes glossed from tears, too.

“I do.” You nod vigorously, a few tears falling down your cheeks. Newt pulls you in again and kisses you sweetly and passionately, all his fears melting away as you sigh into the kiss, leaning into him.

“I love you so much, (Y/n/n).” He rests his forehead against yours.

“I love you, too, Newt. I can’t wait to marry you.” You giggle, pressing a small kiss to his nose. He breaks out in a grin, taking your engagement ring out of his pocket and sliding it onto your finger again.

“My (Y/n/n) (Y/l/n).” He whispers, kissing your hand with the ring on it.

“Soon to be (Y/n/n) Scamander.” You remind him, intertwining your fingers. A small grin lights up his face.

“How did you get out?” Tina asks, still tense.

“Queenie helped me. She confirmed what Newt told me when I was dueling him. I remembered Grindelwald obliviating me when I went to sleep and she helped me escape when I woke up. She’s good now, and she’s sorry for deceiving you. She said she loves you both.” You explain shortly, giving Tina a smile. She smiles back.

“I knew she wouldn’t betray us like that.” Jacob nods, a proud smile on his face.

“We’re going to get her back, I swear. We will all be a happy family again.” You promise, looking to Newt with pure adoration on your face.

“I promise.” You whisper, squeezing his hand.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Tag List: @hufflepuffnewtismyjam @deanismymom @margot-black

[briteboy]

okay i’m gonna be real with you. i have...a LOT...of messages. going as far back as like...january? probably? i know...i’m so bad...don’t crucify me. i tried to get through all of them but there were a lot that i didn’t have a worthwhile reply for so i’m sorry if i didn’t answer something you sent :{

so here we have: a lot of nice things, a lot of santisms, reactions to the lou and cillian punchout, a few responses to my portfolio and other stuffs...i wanted to put astrology asks in at the end but it’s...a lot more than i thought it was and it’s 3 am so i’d rather die than answer all of those LMAO sorry. i’ll get to it next time

Anonymous said:

u can delete the snorting cum asks but it will still follow you for eternity

okay so I saw the ask about snorting cum and it reminded me of a time that cum came out of my nose. It was gross but my boyfriend and I laughed it off. idk. I thought it would be a funny thing to share!! i'd understand if you didn't want this on your blog!! (maybe it makes you laugh!!)

wELL. WE’RE OFF TO A GOOD START HERE. i’m screaming at this...i hope nothing EVER comes out of my nose ever in life...i hate this but ur right it did make me laugh

(Winry anon again) Also, did you get her name from FMA Winry Rockbell because if so I love it

hehe...yes...

hornybodies

this is what bartsim calls me and i hate her for it

whats the truth bitch

I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THIS IS ABOUT BUT I’M LAUGHIGN

i never realised how much i actually missed santi but now im CRYING AND I WANT HIM BACK IN EVERY SINGLE POST WITH LOU BY HIS SIDE LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER PLEASE

I missed santirat's beautiful face there are literal tears rn

me too...i hate that i miss him so much it’s so freaking dumb...i haven’t cried to my own story in a while but i bet i’m gonna once santi’s comeback rolls around. i’m already bracing myself

nvm u can have the lovely rat back, that way my heart wouldn’t be hurting like it is now

honestly yeah that’s fair

Been silently following your blog and though I'm more of a "ghost"(? What does that even mean¿) follower, I can't help but express just how chocked I am to see Santi again OMG. Gutted Lou has had a flashback, she does not deserve this. :'(

hello casper the friendly ghost...i love having santi pop up with surprise flashbacks hehe...ur right though she DOES NOT NEED THIS in her life, but it will get better for her soon do not fret my ghoulish friend

I need more pics of Lou and Santi together I’m not satisfied, thankssss

ELI AND MIYU GETTING SO EXCIted WHEN LOU TOLD THEM SHE LIKES GIRLS MY HEART :’)

HEHEH i love it cause that’s literally how my friends and i act, it was fun to write in a scene :~} i’m glad you liked it :’}}

Yeah when I cut my hair short everyone assumed I liked girls I found it kind of odd, but I didn't care too much. It mostly just made me end up realizing all the shit lgbt people go through, one time a guy literally went up to me and my friend, my bff who no one really knew was a lesbian was terrified because he said "oh dont worry lesbians are hot, but gay guys are just disgusting" it ended up he was talking to me, i just rolled up a piece of paper as tight as I could and smacked him on the head

EWW first of all that guy can take his weird fetishization and homophobia elsewhere thanks...i’m glad you threw a paper ball at him LMAO. but yeah on one hand, coming from ignorant/straight people it’s like “uhhhh why would you assume that about me”, within the lgbt community it’s like...common ground...an inside joke...i guess? so it’s weird. the link between hair, clothes and sexuality is can definitely be harmful in certain circumstances

fiona is my spirit animal and i love her ok thanks for coming to my TED Talk

that was illuminating thank you

i re-read santis story and i s2g i've read it so many times idk, but like its so easy to read i dont mean like emotionally but it flows really well. and like its not too confusing i hate when people make overly convoluted stories in an excuse for being deep its some good shit good job my dude

AKJSDKGKSJD THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i never expected anyone to read it oNCE let alone REPEATEDLY...that really makes me so happy though because it’s definitely something you have to go back and read to catch all the details. ahhhhh thank you so much, i never ever want my story to be too complicated so i’m glad you don’t think it is!!

im crying because your recent post reminds me so much of my relationship with my mom when i was younger... she was always out of a job and sometimes we had to resort to living with other family members, it was all really hard on her and especially with having a kid she had to take care of at the same time. even though these are fictional characters, it’s comforting to know that other people have gone through the same situations i have. i love fiona and lou so much, they’re my heart and soul <3

OMG ;_________; i’m crying i’m so glad it resonates with you...i had a lot of friends growing up who were in similar situations and i think i kinda based lou and fi’s relationship on that, so you’re definitely not alone <33 i’m so glad you love them i love u

basically what I’ve learned from these asks is that Gianni is a perfect god-like human and I want one

he is. one time an anon told me they were like santi but they wanted to be rooney and i was like “i’m both santi and rooney on different days and i want to be gianni.” now u know why

hi, i just wanted to pop in and say that i really, really love your blog and i admire your editing skills SO much, i think you are EXTREMELY talented and i don't think you get told that enough. i've been following you for awhile now and i am in love with ALL of your stories, characters and edits you've put out! you're really an inspiration to me and i hope someday my edits can turn out as good as yours!! i don't have reshade so it's harder for me, but i'm trying to learn!! ok have a good day :-)

OMFG ;-; I DO GET TOLD IT A LOT AND IT STILL SEEMS FAKE...you don’t have to go out of your way to compliment me ;___; but thank you so so so much i’m crying...it makes me so giddy that i might inspire someone like WHAT...i don’t even know what i’m doing half the time i edit so u will definitely be able to catch up to me one day even if you don’t have reshade, i know it. i edited without reshade for like 2 and a half years on this blog so you can do it i promise!! have a good day/night/life i love u

fuck my succ

I'm in need of some giannti in my life

we all need some gianti in our lives

Hey! I just wanted to say that ur an amazing writer. You portray everything so well, it’s insane. I want to be a writer someday and I hope my writing is at least somewhat close to yours. Have an awesome day my dude💕

WOW I’M CRYING...i still have a lot of room to grow and so do you, i hope you are able to become the writer you want to be :’} and thank you so much for the wonderful compliment i’m emo have a great day as well

aver is my queen, confirmed.

avey is everyone’s queen confirmed

oksy but listen, look up the model Charlotte Ray Spencer

i did but i couldn’t find her?? all that came up was ray spencer obituaries in charlotte, SC LMFAO...charlotte spencer is an actress tho it seems, is that...who...? omfg

MAY I JUST OFFER THIS NEW SONG OF THE NEIGHBOURHOOD CALLED VOID BC I HAVE A FEELING SANTI WOULD LOVE IT (it's also meant for my aggressive sadboi oc)

OH I LOVE THIS IT FITS PERFECTLY WITH THE PLAYLIST I’M MAKING FOR THE NEW ERA OF SANTI...THANK YOU I’M TOTALLY ADDING IT

I had a ectopic pregnancy when I was seventeen but I feel like I got off lightly compared to Molly. Your story is so beautiful in so many ways, I think it’s incredible how much character development you’ve managed to pull off honestly I’m amazed. Thank you ❤️

omg ;_______; i don’t even know what to say to this, but it means so much to me i can’t even put it into words. thank you thank you thank you so much, and i’m so sorry you had to go through that as well. molly was an extreme case and i hope no one has to go through what she went through. i’m glad you’re okay now, and thank you so much for reaching out to me and reading my story at all ;-; <3333

just a heads up: the links button on your ccfinds blog goes to the femmefinds url still

oh yeah i know i’m gonna be real with you...i’m too lazy to fix it lmAO

Luv your stick n poke tats u posted!!! Could u do more? Maybe on diff places on the bod?? Ur so talented. Xx

omg that was FOREVER ago...maaaaaybe in the future...we shall see...but thank you <33

Can u do a family portrait for all ur characters like u did w Lou!!!

oooooh hehe i probably will in the future!!

Kill v maim is one of my favorite songs of all time omg it makes me wanna wear ripped jeans and a leather jacket and cover myself in glitter and smash some windows with a baseball bat MMMMMM

HELL yeah me too...i become a cyber punk alien vampire when i hear that song

maybe do a casting call posted here ? u have many followers and im sure a good chunk live in ur area and would be willing to model ^_^

omg SCARY...i probably could tho tbh that’s a good idea, thank you!

hi sunny, what program do you use to merge your cc and what do you use to detect and remove broken cc that just doesn't work in game anymore? thanks!

i actually haven’t merged on my new laptop yet but i used s4s for merging and there’s the mod conflict detector!!

My game hasn't been working since the first Cats and Dogs patch but I uninstalled and reinstalled and it finally works again 😭

sunny!! would you recommend your computer to play ts4 on? has it good graphics, can handle the highest settings and so? i really need a new computer but i have no idea which one to go for

yes i would recommend it!! i have reshade, ultra settings and like 8 gb of cc.

thanks for answering my ask eee ur story is probably the best ive read on here and yeah. i love how everything connects and everyones just so real. you dont have to post this i just wanted to thank you for being my inspiration and making me smile, laugh, cry, and scream in the middle of the night with your characters.

I LOVE U...it still sounds so fake to me when people say i inspire them, i don’t even know how to respond to all this ;-; just thank you for sparing a glance my way and resonating with my creations. <3 we scream and cry 2gether

I listened to Separator by Radiohead on repeat whilst reading Santi’s story and now that song just reminds me of him and Lou. I’d totally suggest listening to it’s so good! As is your story :3 xxx

oh radiohead that’s good sh*t...i’m listening to it now and i feel the santou vibes...especially when santi’s feeling out of his mind and she’s the only one who can calm him...haha cool..anyways THANK YOU!!!!

how do you make poses for the roof? i'm not sure how i can know if the sims will clip into the roof or float

honestly i just...eyeball it...because all roofs are different and you can’t put them into blender so. i just winged it lmao...i just made a pose that looked like it could’ve been lou climbing out the window, only the rig was still ground level, and then i used alt + 9 to lift the teleporter onto the roof as best as i could. that’s why it probably wouldn’t be a very practical pose to release, because i have no way of making it easy to use 

Lou punched him and I knew it would happen. 😀👌 nice, nice I like Lou whopping ass.

hehe i’m glad you enjoyed it...who knew she had a freaking hook like that

ok a theory... santi went to look for molly's mother and yea

omg tell me cillian sings every other freckle at some point

OMFG well...that song came out in 2013 and the current flashback year is 2008 so. i would personally murder cillian myself if he was still in lou’s life 5 years after this honestly

hey kitty girl! i was wondering if you could answer this teensy lil question i got. im writing a "story" anddd i was trying to figure out how to make some parts not cliche. like i hate reading about whatever and being like girll ive done seen this before so i just needs to know. kisses

i absolutely love how this is worded and the fact that u called me kitty, very cute. anyway...this is pretty broad, perhaps you could clarify what kinda cliches you want to steer clear from? a lot of the time when i know something is gonna be cliche and there’s no avoiding it, i just kinda own up to it and try to subtly point out how cliche it is and somehow that makes it work out better...like being self aware somehow adds another more realistic element to the story that makes it better? idk...anyway dm me if you need help!!

so.... lou can remember more of what happened? this is good! go 2 the police bitch! tell them!!!!!!!

she should!! but the only problem is she doesn’t have proof. so... 🤔

how do you write your stories in a way that everything is organized and you're certain and not confused with everything? i mean, do you have any way for writing that let you develop your stories with not so much difficults? i'm trying to write an story for months but i only have a few of the most important events on my mind, i don't know how to develop another important details, i always feel that everything is confuse or crap

hmmmmm well my mind is very ah convoluted so it’s a wonder any of this comes out even somewhat cohesive? but basically i have a very good memory and utilize google docs a lot hahaha. i’ve gone in depth about my writing process here!

whats a good way when it comes to starting a sims story? i mean like the first post? :/

ummmmmm maybe test the waters a bit and just make a post introducing your character(s) first? or dive right in and get sh*t started. it could go either way tbh

boyish by japanese breakfast is a santixlou bop

oh sh*t!!!!!! i love japanese breakfast!! and i love this thank you!

So is lou like into cillian in a way? Making him kinda be in her type

as of right now (in the flashbacks)? HELL fucking no. but you’re right, she did say those things in the future to santi. so 🤔

Everyone guessing shit stupidly annoys me haha. I'M UNOBSERVANT AND I DON'T WANNA GO BACK AND CHECK SHIT, LET ME LIVE. *Like* if you a ~dum~ reader who doesn't want every bit of foreshadowing called out. lol

i respect this honestly whenever i drop the hottest foreshadowing of 2018 i never expect my inbox to flood like it does but here we are and i am amazed

CILLIAN NEEDS TO FUCKING FIGHT ME (TYPING THIS ON MY COMPUTER BC I SAW HIS DINOSAUR ASS AND CHUCKED MY PHONE OUT THE WINDOW)

i’m screaming...i’m so sorry it’s my fault about your phone but like also i’m poor i can’t pay for that

i'm studying your latest posts because they're beautiful and my hatred for that long necked bitch is intensifying -- what makes me burn even more is that he's still wearing her necklace, can we say let the bitch burn?

burn babey burn

Why don't you use quick tags?

i’m dumb is why

CILLIAN IS SUCH A SHITASS I HATE HIS FACE WHY R U DOING THIS TO ME

BRUHHHHH THE DINOSAUR LOOKIN ASS BOY IS B A C K run

WAIT THE NECKLACE. HE STOLE THE MCFUCKING NECKLACE BROOOOO

What if Fi's blue eyes are from... Cillian..?

wHY did you have to make him cute and fucking cool though? I still hate him but it's harder.

NVM I JUST LOOKED AT THE POST AGAIN HES WEARING HER NECKLACE INHOPE SHE CHOKES HIMS WOTH IT THIS TIME

I SCREAMED AT THIS SERIES OF QUESTIONS OISDFNGJKDSKJN yeah sorry he’s conventionally attractive but unsettlingly so and i feel uneasy when i look at him and plus the fact that he’s literally evil so .

im like, to 90% sure that cillian is in ace joker. so that song might have reminded lou of him...

this was sent right after that scene of lou hearing the song at pippin’s, so

My conspiracy theory is that cillian is Lou's father. Speakimg of which are we gonna get to that soon, I'm dying of curiosity;.;

I’M LAUGHING I THINK U MEANT FIONA’S FATHER AKSJDKJGDSJ but yeah well. You’ll See

what do u resize ur photos to?

whatever 33% of 1920x1080 is i forget. i have a resizing + sharpening action so i just run that

im about to kill those kids if they keep fucking with my baby

THESE BITCHES BULLYING MY BABY LOU? CATCH THESE HANDS

me @ these ugly kids:

Who are the best creators for mens clothing? I struggle so much to find good cc creators with men specifically!

badabing badaboom

I’m not sure if you’ve converted things before but do you know any good sims 3 cc to sims 4 tutorials? Or your followers?

errrrrr i have no idea i’m sorry :x

would you consider making like a photoshop psd file with all the layers in your editing process?

omg...heck no it would be so unhelpful OMFG mostly because my editing is just my own action + shading and highlighting unique to that pic

would you ever do an editing timlapse of your gameplay pics? 💖💖

ahhhhh maybe!! probably in the future!

OMG HEATHERS WAS FILMED AT MY HIGH SCHOOL AND IM JUST HYPED UP SEEING IT BEING MENTIONED ON THIS ACCOUNT!!

OMFG THAT’S RAD...i’ve literally only seen it once tho i’m fake

I'M SHOOK. my friend kinda asked me out and I wanna say yes but my parents won't let me date. I'm 18! I need your advice! -signed 18 and alone anon

um UR 18 BUDDY UR AN ADULT...DATE WHOEVER THE F*CK U WANT HONESTLY

Can you pretty please link some photoshop tutorials you recommend? I really want to make my photos more cinematic and like your's without totally copying you or someone else. All I do right now is sharpen, color balance, and add some noise and then resize. I really need some more ways to get better looking photos such as yours.

ahhhhh the problem is i don’t know of any i’m sorry...lmao this is totally unhelpful :\ i have my own editing tutorial which is outdated but can probably help you out with the basics of lighting effects and shading n stuff?

Heyyy, I saw that you answered a question about making a ps action like your reshade, and I just wanted to say that I would love that! Unfortunately Mac users like me, can’t use reshade unless boot camping Windows onto our computers...☹️ and your reshade is just soooo pretty...

i don’t know if i’ll be able to replicate the reshade effect totally but i could release the action i’ve made for myself? it warms up screenshots but is totally adjustable to your liking for different color tones so in that way it’s kinda similar to the reshade. i’ll seeeeee what i can do...i know the woes of mac users all too well, my friend

i just wanna give lou a big ol cozy hug :o((( pls

pls hug her she needs it.

Do you post on tumblr from your phome or from your computer? Just curious.

mostly from my computer, sometimes i answer messages on my phone while i’m out and you can tell because autocorrect actually makes me use proper capitalization for once in my life

how many hours have you played the sims? for me i have 4,070 hours. haha help

OMFG i think mine is like...900 or something...i can’t tell if that’s too much or too little, but it’s definitely inaccurate

if i could only look at one person's tumblr from now on it would be yours. ur literally the queen of tumblr #shookaf and also i really hope i die before you ever say ur leaving tumblr cause when u do, i will legit die and bury my own grave. i really appreciate u and hope one day i can be on ur level but rn im at level 1.5 while ur up in the millions :D

I’M SCREAMING PLEASE I AM A PLEB.............i cry u flatter me too much ;-; i genuinely hope i never leave this place because it’s been so fun and it’s helped me evolve so much as an artist and a writer, plus i made some of my greatest friends on here. so i hope that day never comes!! but who knows life is wild. anyway i’m sure you’re actually like at level 578 and are just being modest. it’s okay you don’t have to be humble

i think its so cool that you and wanderlust and other simmers use multiple worlds to make your own town and stuff. idk why but thats just so cool to me and i would have never thought of it. love your blog and story <3

omg!!! well i couldn’t resist, i love a bunch of them and can’t limit myself to just one ya know. plus the more i thought about it, the more my gen 2 story kinda centers around these kids from this one town and the town itself is very relevant. so i felt like i had to make my own!! and i’m very excited to get started with that hehe

I just met a guy named Rodrigo Santiago and I sCREAMED HOLY SHIT

Update (tho idk of you got the first one): I just got a text from a classmate named Rodrigo Santiago. I'm sCREECHING

no freaking way. there’s no way i don’t believe...i want proof...

YOU SO FUCKIN PRECIOUS WHEN U SMILE

dont worry about posting this or do idc but i just wanted to say you should write about whatever you want and not care about whether people think you condone it or not. if i (a gay male) were to write about lesbians its not like im saying YOU HAVE TO BE LESBIANS BLAH BLAH BLAH you know what i mean? or if im writing about a robbery doesnt mean im like condoning robbery so like idk you do you boo and keep it coming ;D ilysm btw

OMFG no yeah i get it, i mean i think now especially in this online environment, people are hyper aware of Problematique things and so they’re a little too quick to point fingers without looking deeper than the surface. and whatever it’s fine people are always gonna be like that because people are mostly inherently judgmental, especially when it comes to consuming media. artists/writers face stuff like this all the time because people refuse to look past the surface, hence why works have gotten misconstrued all the time. but yeah i really appreciate this sentiment, thank u i love u

hope this isnt a weird question but what is the image size that u used for your character page?? thnk u 💕

omg it’s 300x300

have u listened to visions of gideon by sufjan stevens i was listening to it while reading ur stories and it made me so :(

oh my boy sufjan aka gianni’s personality claim i love him...and this song is :{ but i love even if it’s from the nasty age gap peach fucking movie

If i was married to Jamie and he treatin’ our daughter like that… oh I swear HES GOT TO GO!

it’s 2 am i’m so tired answering all of these i forgot who jaime was for a sec i was like um why are we talking about GoT anyways good night

how does alpha hair work with reshade? it seems so good in your screenshots and i’ve seen that in others screenshots it looks bad? whats the secret?

well good morning haha jk i never went to sleep anyway here u go

hooow do you make adorable toddlers in ts4?? teach me, gimme some advice please :(((

chubby cheeks! big eyes! small faces! little but plump lips! a good skin! dats all

how did u get ur sim onto the fire escapes?

ze teleporter mod, that’s it

I snickered at the, THE RETURN OF SANTI. Like I imagine it written in red horror lettering and santi just busts down the door and says ho ho ho im back bench, Did U miss me?

honestly i own a calendar and if i knew a definite date u already fucking kNOW it would be up there

ahhh im sorry for asking but im wondering how you find voice claims?? i'm looking for some for my sims, but it's tough to find one that's *right*, you know?? and your voice claims are great!! thank you <3

OMG voice claims are HARD, i literally just like “collect” them over time...i have a list in my phone of voices i like/may use in the future lmao, but try to think of actors or musicians and search interviews/movie or tv scenes with them speaking!!

i don't even read your story but i still follow you because i love your personality, sim style and just your whole entire tumblr

u follow me for ME? UM...what are u doing here...i’m so sorry (i love u...)

do you have a different reshade preset for flashback screenshots and for the present ones?

i do not!! i just edit differently

what happened to the honeycomb?

OMFG it’s still there...but we legit haven’t seen it since girooni’s wedding so um...it’s gonna have to get a makeover. i’m gonna do it when girooni come back home so i can finally show rupi working there like...wow...she deserves to be seen

lou's dad is the biggest asshole and i am waiting for the day that bitch dies

us when he dies

shit theory: caroline goes to find and confront cillian about what he did in teen lou timeline. care ends up forming a crush on cillian and goes back to meet him several more times, but cillian ends up liking lou more which makes caroline jealous. and that's why they don't speak currently, 'cause cillian ruined lou's life in more ways than one.

uM holy fuck that’s all i got to say

pls tell me that Caro killed the dude that choked Lou (or beat his ass)

god i hope so !

how many people do you follow? are you “strict” with who you follow?

i follow 264 people and yeah i’ve gotten a bit stricter with it just cause like...i only want to follow people whose content i truly care about/will actually notice on my dash

would you ever do a sim dump?

probably in the future, it seems like people want more male and female sims from me SO

ramona got some moves tf

the girl is out here bobbing to the chicken dance like nobody’s business

have u seen the end of the fucking world? if u did what are your #thots

UM......................i watched the first episode ‘cause i heard so much about it and um.............................it was so bad OMFG i hated it. way too edgy for me. completely missed the mark. not into it at all. hard pass

CAN LOU PLEASE HAVE A MAN IN HER LIFE WHO IS NOT A COMPLETE TWAT PLEASE

HOPEFULLY ezra will follow through with that and i don’t necessarily mean in a romantic way but like...as her new roommate MAYBE he will be a blessing we can HOPE

I'm not sure if you've been asked this or not, but your poses are so good and I was wondering if you have ever considered making a pose pack? Sorry if this came off as rude! I love your posts!

i will probably in the future!! but first i gotta figure out which ones i’d actually include

okay so this is random but I just wanted to say that I absolutely love your sims stories. Everything is so perfect and I'm forever shook because I can't believe the "sets" you use are actually the game. Your sims are so fleshed out and you are a huge inspiration to me. Anyways sorry if this was weird but I'm like obsessed with ur blog. bYe

AJHSDHJFSD THANK YOU!!!!!!! yes somehow we work miracles into this game can u believe it...ahh but thank you so much, it means everything that i would inspire you in any way...like what...omg

Santi is actually standing outside present Lou’s apartment wondering where the fuck he went wrong

he’s been there for 6 months just on the street standing there please someone let him in .

LOUUUU OH MY GODDD SKKDSNSJDH MY BABY. SO THATS HOW SHE GOT THE SCAR. WOW

there it is fellas. this message is sooooo old i’m so bad

Have you read/heard of The Lunar Chronicles

i have not!! but i’ll jot it down!

I was wondering if you’ve ever had any problems with skins? For me some on the palm side of the hand it’s noticeably darker than what the skin is supposed to be.. like the rest comes out find but the hands are darker.

hmm...that’s weird, i haven’t seen that. i think it probably depends on the skin? or maybe your sim detail settings?

santi my daddy, honeybodies my mommy, lou looking like a cutie when she saw dat tiny puppy. my name is rappin anon, and i just wanted to say, ur are my favorite simblr basically saving my day. rappin anon OUT

o...my god

i love u

i love u...

[soulwounds-a]

RELATIONSHIP / CONNECTIONS  CALL  !      /     because  everyone  else  seems  on  this  band  wagon  so  i  thought ,  hey ,  why  not !     i  could  always  use  more  stuff  for  all  my  characters !    just  hit  that  like  or  comment  or  just  IM  me  if  you’re  interested  in  anything !

LINK     :     22 ,  human  (  prev .  hylian  ) ,  male ,  asexual .

ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN      :      while  i  am  partial  to  some  loz  ships  (  particularly  link/zelda  but  also  link/midna  &  link/malon  )   &  would  lean  towards  those  if  we  got  those  characters ,  i’m  also  not  against  simply  shipping  link  with  someone  he  meets  here  if  there’s  good  chemistry !     he’s  ace ,  sexuality  wise ,  but  for  sure  demi  romantic .   he  can  fall  hard  for  people  he  gets  close  to ,  male  or  female ,  he’ll  get  some  massive  heart  eyes .   plus ,  he’ll  defend  you  on  pain  of  death  always  if  he  has  to . PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      link  is  literally  the  softest  boy   &   deserves  all  the  friends  i  beg  of  you !    he’s  extremely  kind   &   very  easy  to  befriend .   literally  if  you’re  just  nice  to  him  he’ll  consider  you  a  friend  after  like  5  seconds   &  would  fight  god  with  a  stick  for  you  if  you  asked .

ROWENA  MACLEOD    :    300+   (  appears  roughly  40  ) ,  witch ,  female ,  pansexual .    (  @evliskank  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN      :      open ,  yes ,  but  rowena  is  far  more  for  playful  flirting   &   meaningless  flings .    this  doesn’t  mean  i’m  against  a  serious  relationship  for  her  completely !    especially  after  this  event  as  rowena  will  be  losing  memory  of  most  of  her  life  including  when  the  man  who  would  be  crowley’s  father  broke  her  heart   &   caused  her  view  of  love  as  weakness .    so ,  she  won’t  despise  the  thought  of  being  in  love .   however ,  as  her  memories  slowly  come  back  she’ll  become  more  callous  towards  it . PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      want  a  powerful  witch  friend  to  gossip  with ?   say  no  more .    rowena  isn’t  easy  to  befriend ,  however ,  but  it’s  not  impossible .   if  you’re  interested ,  we’ll  work  something  out ! ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      rowena  makes  a  lot  more  unfriendly  relationships  than  she  does  friends .    if  you  guys  want  a  rivalry  that’d  be  awesome !    plus ,  we  can  even  look  into  a  frienemies  kinda  deal  if  you’re  into  that ,  too .

JESSE  TURNER    :    20 ,  cambion  (  half  human ,  half  demon  )  +  the  antichrist ,  male ,  homosexual .   (  @anitchrist  )

ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  CLOSED      :      sorry ,  boys ,  the  antichrist  is  taken !    or  he  will  be .    loey  &   i  have  a  plotted  ship  to  come  for  jesse   &   jack  kline . PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      jesse  is  pissy ,  emo ,  sarcastic ,  &  a  down  right  loner   . . .   please ,  force  friendship  on  him .   i’m  especially  here  for  him  being  befriended  by  someone  who’s  all  sunshine  &  rainbows !    that  dynamic  would  be  great .     plus ,  who  doesn’t  wanna  be  friends  with  the  antichrist ,  am  i  right ? ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      it’s  not  like  he  means  to  make  a  lot ,  but  jesse  can  be  off  putting  to  some  people .    particularly  this  is  open  to  anyone  who  plays  demons .    jesse ,  though  half  demon ,  hates  demonkind   &   thinks  them  pathetic   &   obnoxious .     he  wants  them  to  leave  him  alone .

THE  COLT    :    183  (  appears  roughly  early  30s  ) ,  human  (  humanized  gun  ) ,  male ,  pansexual .   (  @dustsanything  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN      :      he’s  still  learning  about  being  human   &   feelings  like  this  but  i’d  be  very  entertained  to  see  him  in  a  relationship  tbh .     if  you  like  cowboys  who  used  to  be  literal  guns   &   have  a  slight  god  complex  then  i’ve  got  good  news !  PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      him   &   friends  he  makes  are  usually  amusing .   not  much  to  say  on  it  . . .  but  also  if  your  character  wants  some  protection  i’d  recommend  him .   he  doesn’t  play  games  in  defending  people  he  likes ,  usually ,  &  he’s  the  most  powerful  gun  in  the  world .   he’s  good  to  have  on  your  side .  ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      probably  mostly  for  supernatural  creatures ,  seeing  as  he’s  sometimes  salty  towards  them ,  &  he’s  whats  made  to  kill  them .   plus ,  he’s  a  hitman  it’s  his  job !   he’s  bound  to  have  made  some  enemies .

AZAZEL    :    10,000+  (  appears  around  50s  ) ,  demon  (  prince  of  hell  ) ,  male ,  pansexual .   (  @yellweyes  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN      :      uh  . . .   i  mean  i  guess  if  you’re  into  . . .  horrible  asshole  demons .    don’t  expect  anything  super  healthy  though .  PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      there  are  people  who  will  amuse  him   &   he’ll  choose  to  spend  time  around  them  for  that .   doesn’t  mean  he  cares  much  or  he’ll  do  much  for  you   . . .   but  he  likes  having  friends  for  entertainment .  ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      look  he’s  terrible  he’ll  make  enemies  with  everyone .

OBI-WAN  “BEN”  KENOBI    :    40 ,  human  (  force  sensitive  ) ,  male ,  asexual .     (  @jedirelic  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN      :      it’s  gonna  be  hard  for  him .    especially  seeing  as  he’s  A.  ace  as  hell   &   B.  has  the  jedi  code  still  very  imprinted  in  his  lifestyle .   plus  he’s  just  mega  depressed  from  a  lot   . . .   i  will  say ,  though ,  he  can  playfully  flirt  like  no  one’s  business .    there’s  not  much  meaning  ever  behind  it ,  but  he  thinks  flirting  is  fun .    he’s  a  master  at  flirting  but  has  the  romance  skill  of  a  bent  spoon .  PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      god  he’s  so  sad  he  needs  friends  again .   all  his  friends  are  dead  please  befriend  him  he’s  so  so  kind  he’s  just  tired  bc  the  world  hurt  him .

CAPTAIN  JAMES  KIRK    :    27 ,  human ,  male ,  bisexual .   (  @flvbov  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN-ISH      :      i  say  ish  because  i’m   . . .   i’ve  been  playin  lowkey  but  tbh  spirk  is  everything  to  me   &   i’d  die  if  we  got  a  spock .    but  like  i’ll  think  about  it   . . .   he’ll  flirt  too  he’s  flirty .    so  flings  are  for  sure  something  we  can  talk  about  or  friends  with  benefits .  PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      he’s  SUCH  a  good  friend   &   he  loves  just  having  fun  honestly ?    he’s  very  interested  in  this  place  as  it  is  200  years  in  the  past  for  him .   he’s  excitable   &   fun .   kinda  like  a  puppy .

MERLIN    :    1,500+  (  appears  mid - late  twenties  ) ,  sorcerer ,  male ,  bisexual .   (  @magicitslf  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  CLOSED      :      if  yall  don’t  think  him   &   arthur  are  endgame  as  all  get  out  then  i’ve  news  for  you .    merlin  can  be  flirty ,  though !    he  can  be  a  saucy  minx .    i  mean  just  watch  the  show  he’s  a  dumbass  but  i’m  pretty  sure  every  character  on  that  show  was  at  least  a  little  in  love  w/  merlin . PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      be  the  sweet  magic  boy’s  friend .    if  you’re  earth ,  you’ve  probably  heard  of  merlin  as  arthurian  legend  is  big  too .    also ,  this  goes  heavy  for  anyone  with  magic .   looking  at  you ,  hp  characters !    there’s  also  not  a  lot  he  wouldn’t  do  for  his  friends .    OH  ALSO  WITH  ANYONE  WHO  HAS  A  MUSE  THAT’S  A  PERSONIFIED  DRAGON !    bc  ik  there  are  some  got  dragons  around .    merlin  is  a  dragon  lord ,  basically  he’s  able  to  speak  in  the  dragon  tongue   &   can  command  dragons  when  he  does   &   the  cant  disobey  him .   he  loves  them .     ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      are  you  someone  who  uses  magic  for  ill  will ?   guess  what !    merlin  isn’t  going  to  like  you .    he’s  also  got  strong  opinions   &   a  big  mouth  so  if  he  doesn’t  like  something  you’re  doing  you’ll  know .

HENRY  JEKYLL  /  EDWARD  HYDE    :    37 ,  human ,  male ,  heterosexual  but  this  could  change  idk .   (  @viceindulged  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      he’s  married  to  science  but  he’s  also  a  sweet  man   . . .   well .   henry  is  nice .    scratch  that ,  he’s  kind  of  an  absolute  disaster  of  a  human  being  but  he’s  trying  his  best .   &   then  there’s  hyde  his  counterpart  who  is    . . .   just  plain  terrible .   for  sure  a  ship  with  him  would  be  angsty  as  all  get  out .    he’s  a  bit  terrified  of  loving  people ,  what  with  hyde  coming  out  on  his  own  now .  PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      he  needs  some  friends  to  support  him .   there’s  also  a  million   &   ten  plots  we  can  draw  up  for  them  discovering  about  hyde  &   trying  to  help  him  through  this  because  it’s  driving  him  insane  almost   &   tearing  him  apart .    he  just  really  needs  some  support .    also  if  y’all  have  any  sadistic  muses !   you  can  also  be  friends  with  hyde ! ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      when  i  say  enemies  i  mean  people  who  meet  hyde  before  meeting  jekyll .    jekyll’s  nice ,  doesn’t  make  a  lot  of  people’s  bad  lists ,  but  hyde  is  horrid .   people  who  meet  hyde  can  hate  him   &   then  it  leads  for  a  ton  of  confusion  when  meeting  poor  jekyll  later   &   it  has  him  deal  with  the  repercussions  as  he’s  always  cleaning  up  hyde’s  messes .    enemies  also  work  for  people  who  end  up  befriending  hyde  also  being  enemies  to  jekyll .    most  people  who  are  an  enemy  of  one  will  be  friend  to  another .    there’s  also  the  idea  that  someone  thinks  he’s  just  unstable   &   unsafe  so  he  needs  to  go  altogether .

[lameunknown]

so i watched tlj

i’m just gonna ramble in long bullet points bc aint no way i’m forming coherent thoughts right now. spoilers ahead, duh. 

one of my fav parts about the experience was how the movie theater was packed full of people just as crazy and excited about this as me & alex. we literally either held hands or hugged tight during the entire movie bc i don’t think we’d survive otherwise lmao. get you a friend who’s not afraid to show support through physical contact. also it was 8 pm so there weren’t that many kids. people clapped several times and when kylo & rey blew up luke’s lightsaber someone yelled “FUCK” super loudly and everyone else agreed

speaking about kylo and rey.....yeah lucasfilm....this is what we’re not gonna do. it scares me SO. MUCH. that even as an avid anti r*ylo i couldn’t help seeing it, and i’m TERRIFIED of ep 9 for that exact reason. the hand touching was disgusting. like all these moments would’ve been absolutely precious if only there was a way to see them as purely platonic, but after these two long years there sadly is not. i really wanted them to work together as PLATONIC PARTNERS and possibly later FRIENDS but i guess not. :( also i hated her parentage so much? like i hope he was just lying to her bc they HAVE to be related. i refuse to believe they aren’t. and if they aren’t, rey better be obi wan’s or qui gonn’s or pure force spawn or some shit, foh with that scavenger bullshit. 

speaking of kylo! these segways are really working out great so far. yeah my boy dumb as shit. like every time i think he can’t possibly do anything stupider he goes and fuckin does it. i guess that’s what the mix of skywalker tomfoolery, solo stupidity and the fact that a powerful dark entity has been fucking your head up since your early childhood does to you, but i honestly can’t with him jesus. supreme leader??? deceiving & YELLING at rey? really kyle??? go to your fucking room boy you got some serious nerve behaving like this after seemingly making all that progress. at least he looked amazing (that cloak moment at the end? come thru!) and i loved that he wasn’t wearing his mask and cloak most of the movie. i love his resting sad puppy face and his gorgeous fridge body. don’t come for me

we talked about kylo so naturally it’s time to talk about hux. can we please take a moment to thank the writers for making fanon hux canon in the best possible way? and in the first five fucking minutes of the movie, too? i was so happy i couldn’t believe my eyes OR ears. seriously, it almost feels as if they went through all of our best fics and fanarts ( @kyleauxwren ‘s ICONIC wine mom hux comes to mind) and decided to just give the gays what they want, and it was a. ma. zing. and what a wonderful surprise it was bc they didn’t give him even a second in the trailer but in the movie we got T O N S of perfectly written, sassy, undereye circles, fed up with all this shit hux. i’m in love. would’ve preferred him slightly more rugged, with some stubble and possibly sipping from a flask, but that’s just me getting cocky. 

you already know. i fucken hate kylux. we didn’t get as much direct face-to-face communication and sadly no catchphrase to top “careful, ren”, but i thoroughly enjoyed the little moments in which they (mostly hux) tried to cooperate? like ngl it was mostly hux trying to make the best out of the situation he’d find himself in and negotiate with kyle and then kyle would just lash out and start banging him around and tbh i felt kinda sorry for him, but i guess that’s life when your boyfriend is an unhinged nearly all-powerful manchild. part of me still hopes kylo calms down at least a little bit and starts appreciating/respecting hux for putting up with so much of his shit (again.......supreme leader is dead long live the supreme leader???? the only thing you are is supreme idiot you stinky) lmao. but that’s irrelevant to the actual canon so imma stop. i gotta point out though, the choking scene does look like a hardcore kylucc shipper wrote it..........i immediately remembered those gifs from crash pad you know which ones.........

luke. can’t say i’m overly surprised/saddened by his death bc it was built up thoroughly and what rey said describes it quite nicely, but i was extemely shocked to find out the whole ben incident. i truly didn’t think luke was capable of that under any circumstances, the dark side or snoke or whatever must’ve gotten to him in that moment. and this knowledge makes me even more uncomfortably sympathetic to kylo, call me a dirty apologist (even though i don’t CONDONE his actions, i just understand his motives and wish for him to get better), see if i care. i do feel incredibly sorry that luke didn’t find it in him to forgive himself and lived with that horrible thought for so long, but idk man, as it’s already been said it’s not like leia wasn’t even more affected? idk how i feel about the whole exile thing. probably same as with everything kylo does - i kind of understand where he’s coming from but it’s not the right thing to do. 

leia. tbh i feel incredibly sad for the entire resistance and i can’t even imagine how one would feel in her place. carrie was brilliant as always, and although i didn’t cry my eyes out every time she came on screen, i felt it in my heart. the scene in the beginning got me hard and i’d really thought we’d lost her, which would’ve been kinda....not really approppriate imo, but then we got to see her use the force, and to which extent! it was a scene we waited for for years and it did not disappoint. her mom moments with poe were also extremely cute. i was kinda bummed out when she didn’t go out to talk with kylo. i wonder why she didn’t, did she really give up on him completely in that moment? i wonder how they’re gonna do ep9 without carrie :(

poe. and finn. and rose. i enjoyed all their scenes immensely but the big hoof kitty chase on that casino planet and finn’s face off with phasma are definitely highlights. poe just kept being poe throughout the movie which is always a raging success in itself but as i said, i enjoyed his mother-son moments with leia so much i was almost moved to tears. not quite, but almost.  finn looking for rey as soon as he woke up was amazing, of course. as well as his interactions with rose. i’ve heard people say finnrey is dead bc of that lil kiss but i honestly don’t see it? i didn’t see any romantic interest from finn, the only way i interpret this as is rose having an innocent crush on a hero and deciding to take her chance before she thought she would’ve died. about that, too, i love my son with my entire heart but what was he thinking flying directly into that thing :( please don’t ever do that again oh my god. 

overall, i liked the movie, even though it left me with some EXTREMELY mixed feelings and shattered perceptions. imma have to watch it a couple more times to take everything i can in properly but i liked it a lot, and not only because it’s star wars and it’s what i’ve been living for for the past 2 years. one of the things i loved about it was the comedy. it was just the perfect amount, at the right time, in the right places, perfect. although if i hadn’t watched th/or 3 before this i would’ve been taken aback lmao, i wasn’t used to humor in sci-fi/fantasy before. the plotlines i feel like were a bit scattered and hard to keep track of sometimes. tfa remains my favourite star wars movie but if anything, tlj was completely original plot wise (you can’t pick a clear match for it out of the rest of the movies the way you can with anh and tfa), even if it led to some confusion and scattering. 

i probably meant to mention something else but it’s 4 am and i gotta go to bed at some point. please talk to me about this movie if you’ve seen it as well, and if you read this far i hope you have the most wonderful day.