#alyx fic

[agatharioscoven]

The 5 times Rio kisses Agatha. And the one time Agatha kisses Rio.

[alyxinfact]

the papa problem. - 2.8k General Audiences

Featuring: still thinking way too much about this post and what Trucy might call Edgeworth

Summary: If Miles has complicated feelings about the fact that Wright has a child now, well. He can’t take that out on a grade-schooler. He certainly does not let it show what he’s feeling when she says Papa. He doesn’t know what he’s feeling when she says Papa.

Miles and Trucy and Phoenix over the years.

[blankfairy]

HOUSE VESGAR at the start of the DANCE OF DRAGONS.

House Vesgar is one of the few remaining Valyrian houses in Westeros. While the Targaryens rule the sunset skies and Velaryons the salt sea, the power of the Vesgars has always been rooted in blood.

Claiming ancestry from one of the first shepherds of Old Valyria, House Vesgar once stood at the peak of power. Known as one of the finest families of bloodmages in the Freehold, they served as archons of the Ānogrion, and were the lords of the penal colony of Gogossos. As the dragonlords tore and fought in streaks of flame across the ashen skies, the Vesgars stood grounded, twisting flesh and blood to their will. Their very own bodies came to be corrupted by their rotten magic. As Valyria sat on the cusp of total destruction, House Vesgar was governed by a set of triplets, dubbed the Painted Ladies for the wine stain birthmarks marring their faces: Arra, Jaera, and Aunna. Their younger half-brother, Aenar Targaryen, warned them of his daughter’s vision of the Doom of Valyria. Naught but three years before the Doom, the siblings gathered their wealth, families, and abundance of knowledge and tomes, and settled on Crackclaw Point, just north of Dragonstone. They deemed their keep, Arlior Ānogrion, ‘the new temple,’ and the town that grew to surround it came to be known as Chimera’s Nest for the three-headed sigil they took upon arriving on Westeros’ shores. The bloodmages found few friends in Westeros, despite their tedious effort to balance assimilation with protecting their heritage and legacy. Secretive, House Vesgar may be, but outwardly cruel is not one of them; they are courtly and respectful, far removed from the bold viciousness of their dragonriding cousins. Those of Vesgar blood often bear common Valyrian features: silver hair, purple eyes. Some are born with crimson irises, others as black as dragonglass or as white as smoke. A certain sharpness of face, body, and mind is typical; some have been animalistic in nature, with an insatiable hunger for knowledge… or whatever vice they can get their claws into. Rumors spread of the Vesgars’ tainted blood and bodies; curses for their meddling with the human form. Bestial minds, sharp teeth, pointed ears, slitted eyes, tails. Outsiders point at the gaps in their lineage and scorn them as twisted stock. House Vesgar's sigil is a black-and-gold chimera on a crimson field, and their words are "All Things Devour."

this one's been sitting in my drafts for a while, figured it was time to set it free :3

template [x]

[aethernoise]

2. bark

This prompt reminded me to return to a very old WIP idea that I will likely never finish. It may simply be the fic equivalent of writing an angry letter and never sending it - self-care, if anything, in face of grave injustices.

Set in 5.2, inspired by the opening quests of the Sorrows of Werlyt. CW for mild violence.

•

She wanted to spit in his face, but her mouth was dry from anger.

"I don't give a shit about your regrets," she hissed, "They mean nothing to me. They mean nothing to the millions of innocent lives you've taken and the millions more you have ruined forever."

Gaius' face remained stony in the dim light.

"You needn’t list my sins, I know them all full well," he said. "I would never attempt to request your forgiveness, only cooperation--”

"Here is my cooperation, Baelsar," she cut him off. "You are alive at this moment because I will it.”

The corner of his mouth twisted ruefully.

“You would kill an unarmed man in cold blood? It seems we are both a far cry from our former selves.”

“Shut up.” 

"Do it, then, if you must. Say the words, Defender of Eorzea. Prove you're not all bark and no bite. Even if you paint the Royal Palace red with my blood, it will do nothing to stop what is coming."

There was a loud crack and a flash. Gaius grunted and slumped onto the floor. The aether was so loud in Alyx’s ears, she didn’t hear Raubahn’s voice booming down the hall.

“Alyx!”

There was a small singe on the front of Gaius’ coat, leaking a faint smell of burned leather. She remained transfixed on the mark while his chest slowly rose and fell.

“Alyx! Seven hells, what have you done?”

“He’s fine,” she said flatly.

“I cannot say he didn’t have it coming,” Raubahn said with the hint of a chuckle, and Alyx almost gave herself neck strain with the speed she turned to look up at him.

“Nothing compared to what he deserves. He doesn’t even deserve to be here, walking free in our home--” Her fingers clenched, shoulders squared against trembling with anger. “Raubahn, how could you?”

“Do you think I want him here?” His voice was hushed, his enormous shadow tense, black eyes flashing with ferocity. “Do you truly think I welcomed him as a friend with open arms?!”

Alyx had the dim awareness that anyone sane would be completely terrified to be rounded upon by General Aldynn in such a manner, but another awareness reminded her that she could knock him on his arse too if she had to.  

“How am I supposed to know? You certainly looked chummy enough,” she spat, “Standing there next to him like a gods damned diplomat, like he wasn’t the one responsible fo--”

His giant, calloused hand seized her arm. The hold was not ungentle, but the sheer weight of him rooted her to the spot. 

“And what would you have me do?” His voice had lowered to a rumbling growl like an earthquake. “Execute him on sight? Drag him through the streets? He came to us in peace, and with information vital to our survival--”

“And you trusted him!” 

“We have no reason not to.”

“My gods, do you even hear yourself?!”

“We have no choice. I have no choice.” Alyx opened her mouth to disagree, but he continued: “I will not put our borders at further risk out of pride. I cannot afford to refuse help, even from the most hated of sources. If Ala Mhigo is to survive--if Eorzea is to survive--it cannot depend only on you forever, Alyx.”

Her heart hammered in her ears, but she had no rebuttal. The General went on:

"Someday, Rhalgr forbid, you might not be here. What if something were to happen to you? What would become of us? I know full well what you're capable of, but I know you cannot be everywhere at once."

A soft groan from below - Gaius was waking up. As soon as Raubahn's grip slackened enough, Alyx pulled her arm free. 

"Fine. Do what you will." Her voice was low, robbed of much of its former power. "But please, do not ask me to work with him."

Alyx didn't wait for confirmation. Instead she turned to leave before she could regret anything more.

[rauhallinen-hauki]

so I finished the fic that I wrote about in its cover art posts. it is a dialogue heavy shepvance marriage proposal story. there isn't any hardcore violence or detailed erotica in it, so I can post it here without putting a mature label on it. it is also on ao3

I doubt this post will show up in the tags, but as always, warnings for past depression, mentioned suicidal ideation, a brief implication and mention of sex, and a single mention of masturbation in the text

about 6000 words under the "read more". I'm really sorry if the read more doesn't show up

An assumed epilogue

Summary

The Resistance's leading lady proposes to a former HECU corporal. Seemingly redundant conversations follow.

Notes

Set in a post-Combine occupation Earth after a hypothetical Half-Life 3. This hypothetical Half-Life 3 takes the storyline of Mark Laidlaw's Epistle 3, with the changes that Alyx doesn't kill Judith and that she and Gordon close the Combine's portals to Earth, both returning to it. The G-man is driven away by them and ultimately loses interest in Earth, so by extension, in his employees on it. Return to Ravenholm (Opposing Force's canceled sequel) happens, somewhere between Episode 2 and Half-Life 3. Adrian eventually ends up working for the Resistance, basically as a forest ranger.

I don't actually think any of that would happen in the real Half-Life 3 (if it ever comes out). Nor do I think Alyx and Adrian meeting each other, let alone being a couple, will ever happen officially. And this goes without saying, but neither do I think nor want my personal take on these characters and world to be the "definitive" or "canonical" interpretation.

Written for many reasons, but mainly because it helped me process some things I've been going through. Also written because these games and especially this pairing mean a lot to me. I wanted to see these characters getting to live in a relatively "happy ending" scenario. Or at least get them some closure. I had scrapped this fic for good, but upon revisiting it almost two months later, I revived and subsequently finished it in a couple of days. Doing so has brought me further closure in some things.

All possible corniness, purple prose, repetition or overuse of phrases and words, and general redundancy in the text is intentional.

Partially based on personal experiences.

***

  It's not that she needs to do this. She's been dating the Resistance's unofficial-official 'alien fauna* shepherd for almost three years now. Too little time for some, but enough for her to know that what is going on is something special. Even the Vortigaunts said it: it is a strong bond, vortal or not.

  It's not that this will make that bond better, or validate it, or whatever.

  No, she just thinks it'd be at least nice to ask. She wants to find out. Get the intrigue out of her head. But how?

  It's a sunny evening at White Forest. Alyx and Adrian are on a walk, talking. Alyx does most of the literal talking; Adrian leads the way. One of Alyx's hands holds one of Adrian's, caressing his knuckles with her thumb. Her free hand rests on her utility belt.

  But as they walk through these groves that they've walked a thousand times before, so familiar yet at this moment so alien – not in the way Xen or the Combine Overworld felt alien – Alyx's steps falter. The grasp on the belt tightens slightly.

  Between Alyx's stories, Adrian asks: "...Are you okay?"

  "Yes. Just a little tired," Alyx says with a smile, hesitantly letting go of Adrian's hand to readjust her headband. "Guess I'm still not used to this summer heat, huh?"

  "Mmm. Is that why you've been at the garage so much?"

  "Yeah."

  Adrian curiously raises an eyebrow, as if about to ask something else, but is reassured for the moment. He slows down his pace.

  They fall into a comfortable silence. But Alyx's heart flutters with the force of a hurricane. Her mind spins, a maelstrom of thoughts cascading onto it.

  She thinks about her father. How he was always there with great advice. She never got to ask him in detail how he felt when proposing. And how did mom feel? She thinks, despite how useless it is.

  If only they were both still here, when almost everyone, everything is...

  She takes deep breaths. Welcomes the clear, earthy air in her lungs. It rained last night. Not acid rain nor metallic shells filled with headcrabs. She stops thinking about her parents. She does, however, think about their wedding. About her father's and Dr. Kleiner's stories of a small party with some family and close friends.

  Maybe she and Adrian will do the same. Blast some Rainbow and Kyuss since the radio has been fixed, and since it can be used without fear of attracting unwanted attention. Go plant some zinnias. Ah, and gardenias. Adrian has always been fond of those.

  Well, of flowers in general. His gaze lingers on the blossoms speckling the trees' branches. Then it lingers on her. Like usual, he catches her staring.

  Alyx combs her hair with her fingers and winks at Adrian. Adrian looks away, faking sheepishness. Alyx grins. So...

  How do you ask a sweet guy like him how to marry you without coming off as too hyped up? I don't want to pressure him!

  Gordon answered her calmly in straightforward sign language: "Do what feels right, be honest with him like you always have." Other fellow rebels gave her words along the same lines of that. Barney casually rolled his eyes and said: "Just ask him already!"

  But how do you do it? Get on one knee, hope for the best? What if she overwhelms him, makes him uncomfortable...

  She thinks and overthinks, getting too ahead of herself... when she hasn't even asked.

  Come on, just enjoy the moment!

  The birds chirping in the trees. The soft breeze playing with her hair. The snarks chirping in the undergrowth. The soothing sound of Adrian's quiet, gas mask-filtered breathing.

  Then, something rustling. The glimmer of sapphires and amethysts inbetween the emerald thicket. They come to a halt, Alyx motioning with her hand for Adrian to come closer.

  A shock roach scuttles out of the bushes. Electricity makes its whole body jitter, overcharged as it is in the humid ground. Poor thing must be exhausted. Alyx stoops and takes a closer look.

  It doesn't seem hostile. Why would it be, when its species doesn't need to fight every second to survive anymore? Doesn't look like it'd want to attach itself to her arm either. It just shakes there, petrified in the shade of the bushes.

  You'll be fine. Everything's alright.

  Alyx carefully picks up the shock roach and gives it to Adrian. As much of an animal person as she is, she'd rather let the expert in bugs himself handle it.

  Adrian cradles the shock roach with one arm, his free hand petting it. Soon enough, the bug leans against his chest, buzzing with joy. The same hands that once wielded its species as a weapon now pet it with the gentleness of an angel. A brawny angel, whose strong arms know how to hold someone in their worst days.

  He's always been a hunk. But God, does he look great these days. Healthier. He's put on a few pounds. There's more energy in his steps. More of that glimmer behind the green lenses. Especially here.

  In the soft glow of the canopy-filtered sunlight, the forest's greens take on a myriad of shades. Camouflaging, mixing with the color palette of his helmet and vest's suspender straps. At a quick glance, it's like he's wearing a veil of leaves. He looks so happy. So at ease.

  The perfect moment doesn't exist. But if there was a right place at the right time, then this is it!

  Adrian puts the shock roach back on the ground. It scuttles off to adventure in the undergrowth.

  If he says no, then that's fine, too.

  Without making a sound, Alyx opens one of the utility belt's pouches, pulling something out. She holds it in her fist. "Adrian, I uh... I actually wanted to ask you something."

  He turns around to look at her. Notices the muted coldness in her tone. Subconsciously grabs the vest's straps, fidgeting with them.

  "I've been thinking lately. About lots of stuff. How fast time goes, how it flies." Alyx sighs. Same dialogue she's had with herself countless times on restless nights. The same she's managed to confide only bits and pieces of to Adrian before. "The Combine... that man in a suit... I know they're all gone. But..."

  She clutches her necklace with her free hand. She frowns. Always the same old crap rotting in the back of her mind.

  "Sometimes I just can't get it clear in my head. It's like... yesterday I was at the Borealis. Now I'm okay. We're fine. Everything's alright. And it's like I'm still not used to it."

  There is a gentle but firm touch on her shoulder. She swallows.

  "Alyx... are you really okay?"

  "I'll be alright. I'm just so damn tired." She has to stop looking into those green lenses. Into those beautiful eyes that beg for an answer she can't really explain nor give with her own gaze, so she looks down at the ground instead.

  Taking a deep breath, she welcomes the clear, earthy air in her lungs. Welcomes the sight of grass, leaves and dirt. Listens to that quiet, gas mask-filtered breathing.

  An exhale. "I know there was a lot of bullshit going on when we met."

  Most of what comes after are things she bothers to explain but not to delve too deep on. Partially because Adrian knows firsthand the type of struggle Alyx recalls – trying to move on when those you love are killed, almost dying yourself when the world faces a thousand interdimensional crises at once, said world surviving but being so ravaged it looks just like the way you feel after dealing or trying to deal with so many problems that counting them reads like a supply list, existential dread at that man in a suit, etc. Memories and thoughts that just won't shut up sometimes.

  And partially because Alyx is exhausted. Putting these last three years into words puts things into perspective: it's been rough.

  Not all has been bad. But good or bad, it's still been one big decision, or "big thing" or most often a big damn catastrophe after the other. And yes, life is cyclical. No peace and no strife last forever.

  But it can't always, always, always go so fast. Like running a marathon or climbing a tower when your lungs and limbs burn, and you gasp for air and it's like you're about to trip and fall, right? How do you live like that?

  She leans on him. "I can't keep up sometimes. It's too much."

  They fall into an otherwise comfortable silence, if it wasn't for her anxious breathing. His hand moves down from her shoulder to her waist. He pulls her close.

  "We'll figure it out" he says.

  "Yeah."

  A pause. Anxiety fading, she closes her eyes. Thinks. Probably overthinks a little, too.

  A smile teases her lips. "...Still though, I'm so glad we met when we did."

  He holds her a little closer in agreement.

  She clears her throat and opens her eyes. "Well, like I said, I've been thinking. What is it that I wanna do now, when all that's over?"

  Another pause. Why is it so hard to say the obvious all of a sudden?

  "Listen, I think you already know how I feel about you. About us. These past years have been... God, it's been amazing."

  Alyx turns to face Adrian, carefully pulling herself away. She gives him a small but warm smile. "I want to move on, make the most of what time I have left. Keep helping everyone around here. Well, everyone I can in general. 'Heal the Earth.'"

  This is so corny! But despite almost chuckling at the thought, she continues. "And I want to keep going on walks with you, holding you... just being with you..."

  Alyx's smile widens. She lets go of her necklace and cups Adrian's left cheek – her hand caressing the canister – and looks at him in the eyes. It's not uncomfortable. Not when she has finally decided, right now, what to say to that sweet, hunky unofficial-official Resistance shepherd. To that someone that has helped, helps, and will always help her figure it out.

  "What I'm really trying to ask is... Adrian..."

  Bringing her fist to her chest, she holds it up to him and opens it, a ring made out of scrap on her palm. Crafted in restless evenings thinking about him and all they have shared. She asks: "Do you want to marry me?"

  Before getting an answer, Alyx realizes that she should be on one knee. And isn't it supposed to go: Would you marry me?

  But that doesn't matter anymore.

  Adrian can only stare. He blinks. Blinks again. Only on the third or fourth time he blinks does realization dawn on him, eyes widening the longer he observes the ring. The why.

  Why she's been so much by herself at the garage. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Everyone needs their space and alone time. But now it makes sense why she's been vaguely distant lately.

  Why she's been so contemplative.

  Adrian carefully takes the ring, his hand holding Alyx's for a couple of seconds. Alyx brings her hands together, looking expectantly at him. Trying to guess the entirety of the face he's making under the mask.

  It's a simple design. She must've recycled parts from Combine structures, because the scrap metal has a subtle, strange silver sheen to it. He turns it. It's engraved with a pattern of delicate curves and hard edges. Resembling the petals, leaves and stems of a rose or a gardenia.

  It's gorgeous. Not only in the physical sense, but also for (or maybe because of) what it represents. He puts it on the middle finger of his right hand. Relishing its texture.

  Never in his dreams, not even in those his mind might've come across in the infinite void while "sleeping" in that astral Osprey, did he imagine this.

  Alyx. This funny, smart, brave, hot as hell... and yes, stubborn woman. This post-apocalyptic princess that sometimes can't process the new non-apocalyptic realm. This downright good person.

  "Honey?"

  Her, radiant in the golden sunlight permeating through the canopy, every detail he could get lost in highlighted. The streaks of red accentuating her hair, those subtle laugh lines, that mole at her collarbone. The sweetest smile. *Even when she's also been thinking about her most hellish days.

  Her, offering a piece of her art (herself) to him. Asking him to be hers.

  "Adrian?"

  Tears well up in his eyes. His heart beats in his ears, so loud he can barely hear his own quiet, gas mask-filtered sobbing. How did he ever get so lucky?

  "Adrian?!"

  "Y-yes! Yes! YES!"

  Adrian gazes into Alyx's eyes for a couple of seconds before wrapping his arms around her. And Alyx nimbly throws her arms around Adrian's neck before he can give her the tight (not too tight to hurt her) squeeze he's been holding back this whole evening.

  Bodies pressed tight together, they hug in a way resembling the ones in their sweatier, steamier moments. Not that this is a sexy situation. They just need to hold and squeeze and get good grips on each other right now.

  He leans down slightly and rests his head on her shoulder. Past the light armor that is the PCV, a tender touch settles between his shoulder blades. Trying and failing to stop his crying, he closes his eyes. Relishing the sensation.

  His hands roam her body, rubbing her back, massaging off any vestiges of anxiety. Until one hand stays on her lower back. The other holds the back of her head, his fingers running through her hair. She laughs.

  She smells so good. Of forest and sweat and a cool, specific scent. Holding and massaging and being held and massaged with the mask filtering but still taking her whole essence in... it all sends some kind of energy through him. He keeps sobbing.

  Birds and snarks sing in the distance. Then that warm, beautiful voice again. Although it sounds a bit brittle...

  "Take it easy."

  He sighs, tension leaving his muscles. His grip loosens. The hand on her lower back moves up. Stops at a spot in her worn jacket which has been further mended with duct tape. Over the hunter's wounds.

  He wasn't there for her when it happened. Not that he could've been; both unaware of each other's existence and all. Lost somewhere he can't really describe. But he still regrets it. Regretting leads to reminiscing about other regrets from around that time, in the very beginnings of their friendship. Never getting to meet Eli. Petty jealousy over Gordon. Feeling alienated without reason.

  But that's all over now. "Oh Alyx, I..."

  As he holds her, he decides (reminds himself). He couldn't do anything back then. But his regrets won't stop him from cherishing what they've built together. No enslaved alien creatures, nor inter-dimensional empires, not even that creepy government guy can change that.

  And although her own anxieties and regrets aren't something he can fight for her, he can help in dealing with them.

  Her hands on his chest, she tugs him closer somehow by the vest's straps. Heat radiates from her. And he gets completely lost in her embrace.

  "...Thanks," he manages to say. For telling him what has been bothering her, for the ring, for the hug, for everything. For so much he can't say since words won't suffice right now.

  She understands.

  Eventually, they break the hug and dry their tears. Adrian apologizes for getting overwhelmed. Alyx says it's okay and in turn apologizes for taking him "off-guard". Adrian nods.

  They continue their walk. Adrian recognizes the glade up ahead and explains which edge of the forest they're approaching. Alyx leads the way back to White Forest base.

  Between the tree trunks, the lake nestled in the middle of the mountains gradually comes into view. Its surface shimmers in the setting sunlight. A chill breeze flutters across the valley.

  "Man, is it weird..." Adrian thinks out loud, stretching.

  "What?"

  "Seeing the lake like this."

  Alyx observes the lake as well. The wind sketches the barest of ripples on it.

  "It just hits me sometimes how things change." Adrian chuckles softly. "I get sent to kill Gordon Freeman, and he ends up becoming one of my best friends. I want to beat some g-man to a bloody pulp. Now? I don't give a crap about him."

  Alyx brings a hand to her chin.

  "...I thought the sunset couldn't be calm again."

  They come to another halt. She meets his gaze. "What do you mean?"

  He looks away. He's never spoken this much in... hell, probably weeks. He's never been much of a talker in general. And he's told her the main facts before. Why tell the details?

  But she told him what's been bothering her. So maybe he should do the same. Even if that isn't the most romantic thing to reminisce about after being asked your hand in marriage.

  Adrian's voice comes out in a strangely clear tone. "The night before the mission at Black Mesa, my squad and I were having a long talk. Just shooting the shit I mean. Anyway, I don't remember how we got to the topic, but Jackson asked how we'd like to die."

  He stares at the lake again. "I guess in case the whole operation went FUBAR."

  "...Which it did," Alyx says. She can't help but think about failed attempts to overthrow the Combine over the years. About all these fellow rebels lost.

  Those from City 17 and Black Mesa East. Her father. Judith – God, what happened to Judith? Those she never knew, but who she knows would've been at her side too. Like her mother, or doctors Cross and Green. And maybe countless others whose stories never got told.

  Humans, Vortigaunts, literal or figurative animals, from Earth or Xen or anywhere else. In the end she ends up thinking about almost everyone; not only about those long gone but also about those still alive. About those in the wrong place at the wrong time.

  The chill breeze snaps her back to the moment. She stares at the lake again. It's so silent here, as if that gas mask-filtered breathing were the only sound of the valley.

  Adrian nods slowly. "Jackson said he wanted something explosive."

  "Ah, like an action hero. And what did you say?"

  "Freezing. I once heard it was like falling asleep. And that in the end, you'd feel warm." He wraps his arms around himself. "Then Tower said drowning was actually the peaceful way to go.

  ...Fast forward a bit. Or a lot. I get out of Ravenholm. Gri- Father Grigori sort of... you know..."

  "Exploded?" Alyx asks. She only knew the pastor in stories. Always amazing how much crazy stuff happened in Ravenholm. Crazy how Adrian was there too. What is it about quiet guys finding their way into these places?

  "...Yes. So there I was. Alone, tired as hell, walking through the woods surrounding the town as the sun set. Until I found a lake." Adrian pauses. Taking longer, deeper breaths. And he just keeps staring at the lake. Lost in thought.

  The more Alyx stares at the water, the more at peace she is with... something. It's hypnotic. Except it's conscious. Gingerly grabbing her necklace, she listens to Adrian as the lake is a puzzle to be solved. A machine she seemingly can't hack.

  Wow, it goes over and over and over again.

  The wind keeps sketching on the lake's shimmering surface. Its lines become more confident. Small circles and interlapping wisps. In water, the sky's purples, reds, oranges and pinks mirror, the setting sunlight dispersing. The wind draws in longer strokes. Jet black ink, brushpens dancing on a collage of amethysts, rubies, ambers and morganites speckled with fading gold.

  The more she stares at the lake, the more its surface resembles outer space. The more the wind's strokes of ink a complete darkness. Like cosmic voids between galaxies.

  It also resembles a certain figurative darkness, where the figurative gemstones lose their luster. There was a time – well, maybe more – when she wanted to swim in it. To get away from everything, escape from a wrong place and a wrong time.

  She and Gordon had returned from the Combine Overworld. The war that had waged through almost all her life was over. Except that in her heart it wasn't.

  Adrian trembles slightly. "...Everyone was gone. I had nowhere to go. No reason to go on living. So into the lake I went." His breathing hitches. An inaudible gasp before continuing. "I waded for a while. Thought my body could at least feed the pikes or ichthyosaurs. Maybe I could've swam a bit too."

  Alyx takes one of Adrian's hands and guides it to her waist. Adrian's breathing gradually slows down. He pulls her close, wrapping an arm around her while his free hand fidgets with the vest's straps. She leans on him and closes her eyes. Cracking the code.

  The darkness of the lake and the void. Same to the one in her fever dreams and nightmares of running in the woods, Advisors in hangars, vortexes of collapsing universes, citadels and black holes, trains and planes going nowhere in the nothingness.

  Some where the man in a suit said: Miss Vance, you can't afford this misery. It would have been far easier to accept an offer when given the chance. Let go of squandered investments. Sunk cost fallacy.

  Miss Vance. Will weeping over your father's corpse bring him back? Does the steel husk you call a pet really not know something is amiss... every time you insist you are alright? What would the Resistance think of their dear leader, unable to hold a coherent thought behind her reassuring smile? Hm. Is it a wonder nothing became of you and Doctor Freeman, even with the blessing of friends? Or was he always a mere indulgence, so you would feel no remorse now, here in your quarters, touching yourself to the thought of another silent man? Another squandered employee. Would this heal all of Corporal Shephard's pain? Are you healing yours?

  Does only thinking about everything fix anything? Can you keep up?

  Do you believe in living like this?

  She keeps holding her necklace, trying to focus on the warmth around her.

  Adrian keeps a steady arm wrapped around Alyx. "And then I stopped wading. There wasn't warmth in the sun. The water was so cold. Too cold. And maybe I was too anxious or hungry or both, since I got this killer bellyache." He sighs. "I... I couldn't do it."

  In the darkness of her room, at hours that didn't pass at night, she thought about sneaking to her nightstand, or to the base's communal kitchen or laundry room. Where it could've been her pistol or a myriad of knives or detergent that finally did the trick of swimming out of water.

  But she couldn't get out of bed. The hunter's wounds burnt as if she was being impaled all over again. But lying there, headaches and back pain tearing her apart, always felt like drowning on air.

  "...So I decided to circle the lake. A river sprang from it, I followed it. An dirt road ran parallel. I came across a busted up shack along the way... must've been rebels raided by the Combine. I stayed there a couple of days."

  The man in a suit kept talking. But despite feeling like she'd forever fall and drift through the void, her lungs and limbs burning, she always gasped for air and replied: No.

  Because in the darkness she also came to understand its cycle. After all those eternal nights came the cycle where she learned to keep moving and sleep again. To wake up and tell those in the wrong place at the wrong time: Guys, I need help.

  "Weird place. Birds sang at the exact same time every morning."

  Alyx giggles. She could fall asleep standing here, her head resting on Adrian's shoulder. "Any other critters living there?"

  Adrian nods. "There was this cave nearby. I saw antlions for the first time..."

  Alyx takes deep breaths and lets her senses refocus on the moment.

  As she opens her eyes, his words about the sunset make sense. Or rather, she understood them all along. She just had to remind herself.

  Adrian lets out a Phew!-sounding sigh. "A certain ex-Black Mesa security guard passed by the road." He almost chuckles as he gazes into the horizon. He still remembers the ex-security guard recognizing the HECU uniform. "We scared the hell out of each other."

  "Yeah, I think I know who you're talking about," Alyx says. "But anyone who knew Otis Laurey is a friend of his, right?"

  Adrian nods, vaguely sad. Insane how things work out once you talk them out first. "He said something about owing beers and that the alien apocalypse had ended for good. He also talked about the return of Gordon Freeman and this... Alyx Vance."

  He pauses again before returning to look at her. He has also reminded himself of certain facts. "Figured I could stay at the base for a while and meet some more people. You know the rest."

  She smiles. "Say Adrian, that day... what did you think of Alyx Vance when you saw her for the first time?"

  "That she was the most beautiful person I've ever seen. She still is."

  "Funny you say that. You've only gotten hunkier since!"

  He looks away for a second as his cheeks heat up. Never before has he been more thankful for the mask and helmet covering him.

  The winds strengthens. Still a breeze, but strong enough to dishevel Alyx a little. Adrian gently tucks some of her hair locks back into her headband. He combs her hair with his fingers before it turns into a gentle but firm touch on her shoulder.

  "...We're going in circles," he says in a whisper, ashamed of himself. He stares at his free hand. At the gleam of the ring in his fingers. "Why think about it now?"

  She thinks. Thinks about all that has led to this moment. Why she's been overthinking about shock roaches and water and literal and figurative stuff in proposing to her boyfriend.

  Well, even if she didn't need to do it, she wanted to marry him. It's a decision. A step. A beginning cycle, although it also isn't because sometimes it feels like they've been married for years. A paradox in of itself.

  But she thinks about a broader one. "Because to take the next step you gotta look back."

  He curiously raises an eyebrow.

  "I mean, everyone does that, right? Get all nostalgic? Focus on the hard stuff it took to get us here?"

  She attempts to explain it physically, her hands sweeping circles and pointing to the lake and doing whatever her nerves subconsciously tell them to do. "I get why you're all shy about it. We were depressed. Think of it like uh... the ripples of the wind on the lake. The circles. Our depression and us meeting are circles. They just happened to overlap!

  And sometimes in that overlap I go, 'Damn, how the hell did I pull this sweet, awesome guy? Why is he taking me out on walks and all when I actually suck ass at everything? He deserves someone better.' I was having some of those thoughts this morning. Not that we're depressed now, but..."

  "I... I know. I get these kinds of thoughts sometimes, too."

  "Yeah. But Adrian, there's nothing wrong with that. It's okay. Really. Remember the other circles overlapping. Us dating... is one big circle. There are so many ripples in there! Like this whole evening, for example."

  She presses her forehead against his helmet with a gentle thud. Staring down at his chest, she draws circles on it with her fingers. And for a moment, she feels a couple of years younger.

  "...Remember the day we started dating?" he asks. He feels a couple of years younger for a moment, too.

  The forest was golden brown, the sun was lost in the mist. She took him for a walk to the base's small gardens after a long workday. It was the evening she confronted him about a certain letter addressed to her. Where he confessed having written it, the confession within it. Where she confessed her own figurative letters – as in, the flirting over months – addressed to him. And she threw her arms around his neck, and he was as cold as the air and as hot as the...

  "How to forget it? It's like I'm there aaall over again," she says, partially thinking out loud in admiration of the sunset they're in. She sighs. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

  He holds her a little closer in agreement. Looks at her with more of that glimmer behind the green lenses.

  Everything wasn't suddenly, completely alright after that evening. But despite being in the latter half of autumn, the sun was warming up again. And little by little, the world would regain its luster.

  She smiles warmly, mirroring his hidden smile. Goddamn. What a beautiful, calm sunset it really is.

  And there was – is – always something to be learned and to be reminded of in their countless other shared cycles, too. Making up after those rare times they have a fight. In more frequent times, both spent after having casual or passionate sex. Speaking without words. Or when taking care of alien and terrestrial fauna together; or just in hanging around, or...

  Alyx places a hand on Adrian's belly and rubs it gingerly. Thinking about the Vortigaunts, how they channel electricity.

  The energy surrounding her when being revived from the hunter's wounds. As she woke up, for a couple of seconds, she saw Gordon aglow with a bright, orange light, mixing with the multicolored ones from the Vortigaunts.

  Right know she almost palpably senses Adrian's energy. It's so vibrant here. For a millisecond, she can see its light clearly: the soft, green glow she has felt countless times before.

  She imagines that she is sharing, giving some of her energy to to him. It's a corny thought, but that doesn't matter anymore.

  A gradient of golden and red light illuminates her palms for a millisecond.

  Eventually, after a long pause of once again simply relishing the moment, before either can suggest resuming their walk, they pull away from each other. The ground shakes. Thumping, although there aren't any antlions living in this beach.

  "Dog!" Alyx exclaims.

  From up on the hill cresting the lake, Dog sprints towards Alyx and Adrian. He must've gotten worried, so he personally came to see what's taking them so long to come back home. Time just slips away on walks.

  Dog takes a laughing Alyx into his forelegs, giving her a hug. About to properly greet Adrian as well, he notices the subtle gleam of the ring.

  He looks at Alyx, who just confirms something with a nod. And he shimmies in his entirety and stomps his forelegs on the ground, the rattling of his metallic frame like a triumphant giggle.

  "You know, Dog helped me decide what materials to use on the ring," Alyx says.

  "Really? I'm not surprised," Adrian says. He gives a few affectionate scratches and rubs to Dog's metallic frame, thanking him. The robot always had a sharp eye for seemingly "useless" things.

  Adrian's eyes widen in (late) realization. He looks sheepishly at Alyx. "Now I've got to make a ring for you. Maybe we could go collect scrap together next time?"

  "Sounds good to me. Dog?"

  The metal frame rattles harder. A small cloud of dirt forms at Dog's legs. Then it subsides as Dog calms down.

  "One condition though..." Alyx says, without planning to state an actual condition.

  "Mmm?"

  "Write something nice on it for me."

  Adrian freezes for a moment. He's never been much of awriter: most of his experience comes from keeping a diary back in his HECU days. He remembers how he managed to confess his feelings for Alyx on a letter, so long and so little time ago. How hard it was to make pencil kiss paper.

  But he still journals, although he isn't the same man he was back in his HECU days. Or the one he was three years ago. Hell, even the one he was less than a year ago. Yet at the same time he is still him. It must be some kind of paradox. Thankfully not a temporal one though.

  Adrian snaps out of his thoughts with a shrug. "Sure. Anything for my radiant wife..."

  He'll write this time too. It'll just be engraving words on metal instead of paper. Something fitting for her. Like the beauty of a zinnia, or the re- (he'll figure this out in due time).

  "Hey! What wife?" Alyx quips with her hands on her hips. "Didn't I tell you to take it easy? We haven't married yet, honey."

  Adrian looks away, but Alyx can tell that he is faking sheepishness. And despite Alyx's words, without noticing it, their conversation takes a turn towards planning their wedding. Dog sits transfixed by the brainstorming.

  Rainbow and Kyuss for the reception is a must. And while it'll be an "unofficial ceremony" with no dress code, Alyx says she'd like to wear a pretty dress under her jacket. Adrian considers attaching a veil to his helmet.

  Gordon had already promised to be a bridesman to Alyx. But it works out, since Barney once told Adrian to "just tell him when it all happens," and that he'd be his best man if needed; and that he'd take care of the drinks (he keeps owing beers to everyone). Kleiner is a party animal so he'll-

  In the back of his mind, he remembers some passages from his old diary. How he used to write about wanting adventure. Change, something exciting. And he got it. But it wasn't only about enlisting and boot camp, or the Resonance Cascade and Black Mesa, or all about race X and Xen, or Ravenholm and adapting to the new world.

  It's also about these walks, and all those other everyday little adventures among the bigger, overlapping ones (ripples, circles) along the way.

  ...Man, is ex-corporal Shephard lucky.

  Dog "barks" and motions with his forelegs towards the hill.

  "Okay, okay. Let's go before Magnusson gets antsy," Alyx says. There will be time to plan the wedding. "I bet Kleiner's already made tea for everyone."

  The night is young. Despite walking and standing all evening, Alyx and Adrian have full energy in their steps. Dog leads the way back to White Forest base through the lake's shoreline.

  One of Alyx's hands holds one of Adrian's, caressing his knuckles with her thumb.

  She observes their enlinked hands. The holes in his biker-styled tactical gloves. She brings his hand to her lips and kisses his bare knuckles.

  "You DO know that I love you, right?" she asks.

  He replies with an affirming, quiet chuckle and gently nuzzles his front voicemitter against her cheek, giving her a gas masked kiss. "...And I love you too."

  And all this is just one of the unforeseen consequences of the Resonance Cascade. Two paths that under impossible circumstances still crossed, the accident that screwed the world having brought them together.

  The Resonance Cascade was the worst and also the best thing to have ever happened to them. Another grand paradox in the struggle, wonder and gift that is life.

[avesdraws]

lots of misc

[punkpit]

Rating: Explicit Category: F/M, NB/M Fandom: Half-Life Relationship: Gordon Freeman/Alyx Vance

Summary:

Gordon Freeman goes to the post-apocalyptic sex shop and gets more than he bargained for.

[alyxinfact]

ahhh omg thank you! i'm sorry i missed this tag! 💖💖💖

this one was fun to write, but so hard to tag on AO3. Like, the existing "Maya/Edgeworth/Phoenix" tag really doesn't? describe?? how I'd think about these three being in each other's lives??? But tagging it "Phoenix/Edgeworth" and "Phoenix&Maya" separately, (while being the primary dynamic I live for) also implies something a bit different than the angle I wanted to explore here: a complicated queerplatonic triad centered on 1 spiky mess of a lawyer.

...bit of a ramble for a single post, but it's so interesting to me to explore how love for each other is at the center of these games (at least the original trilogy). So many different lenses of character relationships and interactions can be applied on top of that!!

I’ve been really busy with work so I haven’t had much time to draw but I wanted to share my friend @alyxinfact‘s short post-soj Narumitsumayo fic from Ao3! It needs more love!

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Ayasato Mayoi | Maya Fey/Mitsurugi Reiji | Miles Edgeworth/Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright Characters: Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright, Ayasato Mayoi | Maya Fey, Mitsurugi Reiji | Miles Edgeworth, Kidzuki Kokone | Athena Cykes Additional Tags: Getting Together, Polyamory, Bisexual Disaster Phoenix Wright, Domestic, Post-Gyakuten Saiban 6 | Spirit of Justice Summary:

“Edgeworth loves Steel Samurai, you know,” Maya continued out of nowhere, really, barely related to the conversation. Her train of thought was mysterious, unknowable. “Invite him, too!”

“He’s– probably busy,” Phoenix said, fidgeting with a pen. “Or, I don’t know. He hates last minute plans.”

“Already texted him,” Maya said, “he’s in!”

–

Something’s bothering Maya. She wouldn’t show up on Phoenix’s doorstep with hardly a train ride’s worth of notice otherwise. So he’s worried, he is. But if watching Steel Samurai reruns with him and Edgeworth is what’ll cheer her up… is it so wrong if he’s looking forward to it?

[paradoxikalli]

So...whoever had "Lewis wrote the story as an homage to his sister who wanted to stay and fix the things she broke but got probably killed by a magic demon cat" on their bingo card is WINNING this game.

[bubbl3zdaseaotter37]

Whumptober 2024

No. 24: RADIATION POISONING

Collapsed Building | Equipment Failure | “I never knew daylight could be so violent.” (Florence + The Machine, No Light, No Light)

A/N: I really could not have thought of a better fandom for this prompt! So, of course, I had to do Half-Life for this one. Anyways, enjoy!

A lot of thoughts passed through Gordon’s head in the stretches of time with no one to talk to.  There were times, even when Alyx or other rebels accompanied him, that he had to go places no one else could.  He was the pillar of strength, the mysterious Free Man, a silent and deadly warrior.  Really, he was just scared stiff most of the time and had a terrible stutter that got out of control when he was anxious – which was basically all the time now.  But they didn’t need to know that.

In those times, he found his mind wandering.  Some of the thoughts were meaningless, a simple byproduct of his overcurious, overexerted mind.  Others were heavier, questions that he had to leave for later or else be crushed by the stress of handling them along with his burden as the “savior of humanity.”

Who – or what – is the Man in the suit?  What does he want from me?  What did the Combine want to make them destroy our planet?  What happened to my parents?  Do I really want to know?  Probably not… Do headcrabs really taste like chicken?  When did the vortigaunts start helping us instead of trying to blast us to smithereens?  Should I have applied to Aperture Science Laboratories?

Now was one of those times.

“Have you found it yet, Gordon?”

Alyx’s voice distantly echoed over the low crackle of the Geiger counter in his suit.  It was a somewhat useless question, in his mind.  He must have spoken almost exclusively in one, maybe two-word sentences since the Resonance Cascade; usually, he had no one to speak to.  And when he did, his stutter kept him from getting very far, or they got killed immediately, or turned out to be an insane, orthodox priest with a shotgun and impeccable aim.

Besides, she would know he had found the door after hopping his way across the collapsed building’s lake of radioactive waste when he unlocked and opened it for her.  Or she would hear his screams as he died horribly in the attempt.  In that case, she would just have to find another way around.  Simple enough.

As it was, he was a little too focused on trying not to fall into the lake of radioactive waste to attempt a coherent response. 

Once, the counter’s constant crackle had gotten on his nerves, but after frequently listening to it kick into high gear, it had grown into a sort of white noise for him.  What did that say about his health in regard to radiation poisoning?  Did it really matter?  It didn’t seem to him that people lived long enough to have to worry about cancerous cells and future health complications these days.  They were much more worried about the bullet lodged in their side, the headcrab launching itself at their head, or the antlion chewing off their arm.

Another thought, for another time.  For now, he had other things to worry about.

“Warning: HEV power level below 20 percent,” the indifferent voice in his suit stated.

Gordon sighed heavily.  He had other things to worry about, all right.

I should have applied to Aperture Laboratories.

[krsonmar]

Need help finding older smutty Half-Life fanfics I remember I'm being real wichu here okay

Trying to find several fanfics by one author and I don't know the author's name. Woohoo. These were all published, IIRC, around 2007-2010 on fanfic.net, but I think were taken down in their purge of ADULT CONTENT ::scary music::. They were all basically porn with plot and feelings, and the author's native language was German, but they were writing in English, and at some point someone on DeviantArt (this is how long ago this was) made GMod fanart that was within the bounds of what DeviantArt would allow at that time. I remember three fics that I'm looking for:

One was Freehoun with Alyx realizing Gordon and Barney are a couple and at first being devastated because she had a crush on Gordon, but then she starts secretly covering for them, accidentally gets into a voyeur situation by getting locked in a closet near where they have a nice little "reunion", and then they figure her out and end up inviting her to a threesome. Sexytimes ensue.

Another was a Barney/femalereaderinsert that I don't remember too much about except I think your character finds or rescues Barney from almost dying and then of course while he's healing up you bang repeatedly.

The last one was a Barney/Alyx fic where Alyx had had a crush on Barney when she was younger and tried to get him to go swimming with her while wearing this white bathing suit but he had turned her down and she felt really rejected. The story takes place several years later, a little after the time of Episode 2, and she basically brings it up after years and he admits he hadn't reciprocated at the time because she was underage. She isn't anymore and is still interested in him so they have some grown-up time.

Anyone remember these or have any leads? Please reply or DM if you do, I just typed up these synopses of these fics I pretended I wasn't reading in college and posted them to Tumblr to try to find them, that's how committed I am to hunting these down.

[alyxinfact]

Featuring: Phoenix/Edgeworth! Nick & Maya friendship! Dogs! Realizing you and your crush have been basically married the whole time!!

Summary:

Phoenix has always been better making logical leaps with niche, circumstantial evidence than at seeing what’s right in front of his face.

Originally published back in July, but hadn't shared here. Some reflection / commentary under the cut.

Feeling a bit sentimental today about this fic! It's not a Christmas fic, but there is a key scene that takes place around this time. And more than that, we are juuust about at 6-months-to-the-day of when I started writing it.

I went into 2022 wanting to consciously make time for art and writing. It's so, so easy working full time to let creative efforts slip away. I didn't notice it happening. One day I just looked down and realized I... wasn't even doodling in my notebook anymore during meetings. I wasn't making anything. I needed that to change.

In late spring, a friend mentioned the AA trilogy was on sale.

I've loved AA since the 00s, but it'd been a long time since I played. (That's right, I'm one of those fans that was horribly betrayed by AA4! There's a whole essay of its own to unpack there, but for now let's just say it plays much differently 15 years later. :) ) Going back to these characters I love has been so much fun! It's honestly completely taken over my brain, but I'm here for it. And I'm making so much art!

I've probably done more creative work in the past 6 months than in the past 6+ years combined. (Really -- the last doodles I had saved in Procreate were from 2014. I had to get a new stylus because my last one had sat uncharged for so long the battery was like "guess you won't be needing me ever again vOv" and remade itself into a paperweight.) All because of Ace Attorney!

And this fic kicked it all off! So thank you to everyone who's read my fic or enjoyed my art this year, and thank you to everyone who's written fics or made art for me to enjoy in turn. I like this little decades-old fandom. It's a cool place, with cool people. And there's still so, so much room to explore! So many angles to look at things from! So many situations to throw the characters into!!

I'm looking forward to it :)

[blankfairy]

distracting myself with silly dress up games. here's a few outfits for alyx for different times/locations in her life.

(i wish there was more silhouette differentiation, some extra variety, but this really scratches my 'design your on asoiaf gown/outfit' itch since i can't draw)

on the left, i threw together something for alyx when she was being fostered in king's landing/was aemma's lady-in-waiting. i struggled a bit to give her something that didn't feel lannister, but the black sort of evens things out. granted, her mother is a lannister... anyways, i wanted to give her something a little more elegant/regal, while paying respect to her more simple style and assuming she doesn't want to be 'out-doing' any of the princesses around her.

the middle is a simple, comfortable gown for wear in chimera's nest. nothing impressive, but nothing to scoff at. girlie is in her own home, so why not dress how you want to?

and the last is for alyx at the beginning of all things devour. her clothing is still simple and modest, comfortable. she knows viserys and isn't trying to impress him. still, the luxury is in the details: gold embroidery at the hems, ruby jewelry. i forgot to add it to the last fit but she also brings back a sort of valyrian steel belt/chain that hangs down. i like the implication of a house wearing something as precious as valyrian steel.

[aethernoise]

Beyond Word or Measure |Ch7: Theirs

“Is this truly happening?” Aymeric wondered aloud, only half-jokingly, "Are you truly here?"

Alyx’s response was said with a smile but tinged with a distant trepidation. “Feels a bit too good to be true, doesn’t it?”

1062 Words, Rated M. 🌟 Read it here! 🌟 

(art is by @/peachiqiqi)

[just-a-space-nugget]

Anti-Citizen One | Chapter 17: Secrete Alliances

Chapter Summary: This cancerous cell must be found and destroyed before it can grow any stronger and spread. The limb must be amputated. Extracted. Contained. If not found soon then the rest of the body is at risk for infection.

The body must be kept alive at all costs… no matter what it takes.