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georgiapeach30513 · 11 days ago

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How I'm Looking At You, Part 6

Summary: you go on a date

Pairings: Ari Levinson X Reader

Rating: explicit

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content, teasing, anticipation, fingering, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 6.8K

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

You can’t stop smiling. Smiling doesn’t even cover it. You’re always beaming from ear to ear. You can barely close your eyes without seeing Ari’s face. Feeling him all over your body. Obviously the sexy parts of your relationship are invigorating. But even without that, you still see his face, and hear his voice. His kindness, and his never judging you. Eventually in your daydreams you feel his hands all over you.

You want more than just his hands. You want a lot more than his hands. And when you’re at home, and should be sleeping, or at the very least on your knees in prayer, all you can think about is his mouth between your legs. His hands on your thighs, pulling your legs further apart to accommodate the width of his body. They way he’ll rise over you, and he’ll lay his cock over your mound. Begging you to look and see just how deep he’s going to be.

You don’t have to look, you can feel the weight of his heavy girth, and just know how deep he’s going to be. But you’re a curious kitten, and you have to look, and you chirp. Whimpering, and pawing at him because you don’t think you can take it all. And so softly, but with that deep timbre, he assures you, “We’ll make it fit.”

Everything is about the both of you. You sigh in frustration, pulling your hands out of your panties as you stare up at the ceiling. Nothing quite feels like Ari. Your fingers aren’t quite the same as his. And part of the appeal of having him with you is his breath, and his voice. But also, the weight of him. You haven’t had too much of him on you. Even just him leaning over you on the counter felt heavenly.

You’re glad Ari stopped things yesterday. Once you got away from him, and could breathe on your walk home, it felt right for him not to have had sex with you. Sex. Fuck. Rail. Rut. So many colorful words for just him coming into you. You wanted it. Wanted all of it. Wanted to explore all the things that the books talked about. And you also want to just listen to Ari about ’out there’.

The real world, outside of the community. It’s what you want. But every time you go out in public, you get gawked at because of the dress, and the bonnet. If you want to have a normal date with him, you can’t look like you.

Slinging the covers off your legs, you down at your modest nightgown. This isn’t good enough for Ari. Not that it’s ever stopped him before, but you don’t want to be hidden with him. You don’t want to look different with him. You want him to stare at you with wide eyes because you do have skin showing. Others could see, but you are only concerned about where his eyes are.

You wanted to feel pretty with Ari. Look in the way that he makes you feel. He makes you feel all swarmmy and warm in your belly. This bubbly feeling is always in your gut, and then a deep need in your core. A rapid flutter of your nether region whenever you see him. You want him. And you enjoy him when he’s not making your brain fuzzy. He’s also taken up for you which is more than you could say about the so called men in your community.

It’s easy, while you’re laying in bed to think you’re going to just ride off into the sunset with Ari. But then you hear the snore of your father, and know that you could never come back and truly be welcomed again. If they even knew what you were doing you’d be shunned, and labeled a harlot. You were no good for marriage.

To Amish man. You weren’t the most desired to Amish men, and if they knew what you and Ari are doing, you would be useless. But you’ve never been useless to Ari. So that settles that. Ari was going to have all of you. For as long as he would have you. You sigh. If Ari grew tired of you, and you couldn’t come back to the community, would you be okay? You’re more educated than most of the women here. Definitely more read — but you didn’t want to tell them that.

Before you fully decide you’re ready to leave with Ari, you need to know more. You want to feel more. You desire all of him. But his heart is what you really want.

Ari pulls away from the window, scowling as he talks to his sister, “When is she getting there? And is it dark outside? You should drive her there, instead of her walking. And how are those books working out for you?” She giggles on the line, while Ari growls in frustration. “What?”

“Did you choose those filthy books on purpose?” Of course she did. Those books gave you so many ideas, confused your brain, and made you long for something you didn’t fully understand. And Ari curses himself for how feral that thought makes him. You had a filthy mind from words alone, and he gets to nurture that part of you. Nobody else.

“She’s a sexually frustrated woman, living in a community that tells her sex is bad — yeah,” She smiles, nodding her head proudly. “That woman needed to read those books, and she needed to know that her sexuality is beautiful. Now, how has that helped you out?”

“You’re very strange,” Ari starts, narrowing his eyes as he stares out the window. His sister is too small with too big of a personality. But Hannah meant well, even if she was too personal. “What I can say is she reads all this, and has all these thoughts running through her head, and she’s just swimming in a sexual awakening. You didn’t have to go so hard on her.”

“Like which book?” She wiggles her eyebrows again, but she knows her brother has too many lines drawn when it comes to his sex life. For her, it even wasn’t about his sex life as much as realizing her brother is falling in love. He’s been given the time to fall because you haven’t jumped into sex too quickly.

“One of them has a reverse harem,” Her mouth turns into an o, and then she smiles sweetly, only a little bit sorry. “You can’t do that. She,” Ari didn’t want to betray any of your trust, even if he knew his sister wouldn’t judge you. “She knew nothing. Multiple men is going too far.”

“Okay, so I won’t send the one with a gun kink,” Ari knows that Hannah’s mouth is turning into a wide grin. He knows how she is, and how she enjoys making him squirm.

“Have you read this?” He doesn’t know why he asked. He just blurted it out, and now that it’s out there, he can’t take it back.

“Yes, It’s quite nice.”

“You’ve told me far too much information. Certain things as your brother I should not know,” Hannah shrugs. Her sole reason for living is to annoy her brother, and making him uncomfortable.

“Is she there yet? You know her schedule?” Ari nods his head even though his sister can’t see him. He knew everything. Except what you thought about when you are alone.

“I kinda employ her. But she arrives before the stupid heads that work outside do. It gives me a chance to,” he smiles seeing your figure coming up the driveway. “Gives me a chance to twirl her around and smile before I softly kiss her lips.”

Hannah sits quietly for a moment. Smiling at knowing just how happy her brother is. “Did you get my package?”

“It wasn’t addressed to me,” he responds flatly. He’s ready to let her go so he can give you the undivided attention you deserve.

“Your girlfriend really wouldn’t like me sending that to her house,” Ari’s eyes go wide, gasping, “It’s not lingerie. Most people would just consider it a dress,” Ari moans as he imagines you in a summer dress. He didn’t even care what color, or what it was supposed to be called, but the idea of seeing so much of your skin on display for him, and having people around that could see, but could not touch.

“You are a horn dog. But yeah, the package is plenty of clothes for her.”

“Hannah, you’re very weird sometimes, but I appreciate you. Now, I’ve got to go,” she mumbles something in the background about Ari being a simp, and maybe he is. Maybe, just maybe, he found someone worth all of it. Worth going against everything he thought was who he is.

And When you walk through the door, he knows he’s been lying to himself this entire time. But only because it was never you. There was never a woman whose eyes shined up at him the way yours do. Never was there someone that had a smile that literally radiated throughout your body. And he has never picked someone up and twirled them around, and he does with you every single day. Never has had a woman fold herself into him, and giggle against his skin. It’s the simple things. It’s you.

He’s never had to teach, and still learn. He’s never really looked at sex as anything but pleasure. Your pleasure is the most fascinating thing to see, and feel. Coupled with the sounds that you try to hide. His favorite is how reactionary your body is because you just want to feel. But your ultimate curiosity is his drug. He can’t get enough. He doubts he ever will. But he will forever try.

“Good morning to you, too,” your laughter sings up at him. “So what are we doing today?”

“You’re not going to be working in the kitchen all day,” you cock an eyebrow up to look at him, and he bashfully looks away. You’re not quite sure why it’s so cute, but also empowering knowing that you make Ari feel fuzzy. “Oh, my sister, she sent you a package. I might know what is in there, and I just want you to know you don’t have to feel pressured.”

“Did she get me a butt plug?” Ari looks away again, shaking his head with a smile, “I was wondering how close you English people can get with your siblings. Can I?” You’d noticed the giant box on his couch, but chose to ignore it. As soon as Ari nods his head, you spring into action, rushing over to the box. You’re sure whatever you’re doing is a sin, but pure excitement and joy just make sense. Someone has sent you a gift, and you’re just showing your appreciation.

The more time you spend with Ari the more you realize that the out of touch nature of your community is way overrated. You’ve never felt so much at ease as you do with him. Free to be who you want to be. He allows you to explore things you may like. Your father isn’t a tyrant like some of the men here, but he had his flaws. Sure Ari does, too. You’re sure you’ll see them eventually. But Ari seems to have your best interest.

Opening up the box, you squeal. Taking a look back at him before lifting it in your arms. “They’re going to be on the east field?” The furthest field away from the house. You’d wondered how you were going to get clothes, especially to surprise Ari, but his sister took care of that for you. He gives you a nod, and you start towards the stairs. “Can we do something today?”

“What did you have in mind, Darling?”

“A date?” He grins, and nods his head. Laughing when you squeal again. “I’ll put this under my dress. I can take it off when we get away from here?”

“I’ll make breakfast,” you squeal again. Your feet tapping in excitement before heading towards your room. He was going to be out with you in public. Laying the box on the bed, you rifle through each piece. Running your fingers over the different fabrics, and colors. Marveling at how well they look against your skin. Ari is going to get to see you without a bonnet. He’s going to see your legs, and arms, and cleavage.

He was going to see you as his equal. Nobody is going to gawk at you, point their finger, and make you feel like a science experiment. You’re going to be normal out there. You’ve always been different, and it’s honestly time to admit that you didn’t belong here. Even without Ari. You haven’t been happy for a long time. You’ve been starving for an escape, and release.

Your fingers stop on a green frock. It feels right. It will cover a bit, so you won’t have to feel too uncomfortable for your first time in English clothes. You’ve read enough books to know the thin straps will make for an easy pull down. Not that you’re expecting anything. And Ari wouldn’t do anything you weren’t comfortable with. But it could be an option.

You inhale sharply, and let it release slowly. Starting to undo your dress before you lose your cool. Glancing into the mirror, you shriek. “Ari!”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean — I didn’t want to startle you. Breakfast is finished cooking,” you bite at your lip, and nod your head. Looking at your reflection before submissively looking towards the floor, “You don’t have to change who you are for me.”

“I don’t feel Amish anymore though,” it’s not so much as changing for him as it is, realizing that for most it’s just a stupid little dress. For you it’s taking back your womanhood that nobody ever gave you. You may hate the dress on your body, but you’ve never been given the choice of that dress. so you don’t know if it’s any better or worse than anything else.

“Can I help?” He peers at you through his lashes, no bit of that predatory bear can be seen on him. It’s almost childlike, his question. Nodding your head, you spin around to face away from him. His fingers slide down the expanse of your spine. Leaving a trail of goose pimples in their wake, and making breathing more difficult.

It’s too quiet in this tiny room, and you’re sure that neither of you are in taking oxygen. He unfastens the safety pin, and lays it on the dresser. Pulling apart your dress, he watches the heavy fabric fall to the ground, and he finally exhales on your bare skin. The warmth of his breath heating up more than your skin. Peeking behind you, he’s in such deep concentration. Struggling to keep his hands by his side as he stares at you in just panties.

“I have to,” you gulp, wrapping your arms around your bare chest. “I need to put on the other — the other - other panties. Will you choose a set?”

He clears his throat, nodding rapidly as he turns to walk to your drawers. Before you had water to separate you and Ari. Now you have nothing. A bed mere feet away, and you feel so vulnerable in this amount of undress. “What about white ones?” You whisper, ‘yes’, and give him a smile as he holds them out to you, but you shake your head no. “What is it?”

“Can you put them on me?” You’re a little minx that has his cock throbbing, and swelling in his jeans. Instead of responding he sinks to his knees, and you spin around to face him, and Ari reaches up. Hooking his fingers around the panties that you’ve made, he pulls them down. Stopping when you're uncovered.

Ari presses a chaste kiss to your mound before his tongue darts out of his mouth. He runs the muscle through your split, and you whimper. Gripping onto his hair, you attempt to hold him there, but he pulls back, “Breakfast is getting cold,” smirking, he pulls those panties fully down, tapping on each foot for you to lift it out of the undergarment before he tosses them aside. “Let me see.”

His eyes roam up your naked body, stopping on your face as you drop your arms. Standing completely nude before him, and he’s fully dressed. The complete vulnerability and embarrassment adding to how utterly sexy this is. His cock may be pressing up against his jeans and ready to bury himself in you, but he's still in control. His eyes follow down every curve of your body before he holds open the panties. And you step into them.

His fingertips feel like a paintbrush moving up your skin, and once he covers your pussy back up, he presses the softest kiss against your covered flesh. “Ari?”

“Yes, Darling,” he keeps his face pressed up against your core, breathing your scent in deeply.

“Do you think I should shave?”

“I truly do not care,” that didn’t help.

“Would you show me?”

“How to shave your pussy?” You nod your head, among other things. You wouldn’t mind if he just helped you shave everything. He grunts as he stands, “Is that what you want to do?”

“I’d like to try it. Maybe I should wax it?”

“As long as you know, I don’t care. Whatever you feel comfortable with.”

“Can I get waxed today?” His eyes blow wide as he stares at you. “We’re going to town, yes?”

“We’re going out of town,” he didn’t want to risk you getting caught, and prematurely being shunned by everything you’ve ever know.

“Then I want waxed.”

“Okay,” giggling, you wrap your arms around his neck. “Let's finish getting you dressed. And we’ll go eat.”

“Ari?” He hums as he wraps the bra around your body, “I just thought I would let you know that I’m always wetter when I’m around you,” he stands up straight just to give you complete eye contact. “Do you want to feel?” he shakes his head no, but you see he desperately wants to say yes. “Can I feel you?”

“Darling, you’re killing me here. But go ahead. Touch me, and see just how your teasing ass has got me all riled up this early in the morning,” your eyes roll up to meet him. You’re constantly reminded of just how giant he is compared to you. How much he towers over you, and that thought alone makes you want to melt into him and let him hold you all day. “Go on,” he pleads.

Your hand lifts, and barely grazes over his bulge, causing his eyes to flutter. A haggard breath pushes out his lips, and you let your hand consume him. Laying your hand over the tight to the angry cock of Ari. You gulp at his size. The warmth. The pulsing. He is so heavy. Whimpering, you try to grip him through his jeans. Smiling when his mouth drops open. “You look pretty like that,” Ari opens his eyes to smirk at you.

“I don’t know if you can fit inside of me.”

“It’ll be difficult,” he whispers before cupping your pussy quickly, and you struggle to breathe, “Shh,” he steps closer to you, using his nose to pet over your neck. You lean, giving him easier access, “Breathe.”

“I’m trying,” he presses the softest kiss to your heated skin, and your back bows, arching into him, and his free arm goes around you to hold you up. He pushes your body more into his. “Ari,” your voice is almost a sob, and he moves his hand, rolling his body into yours. His bulge adding the slightest friction and pressure to your needy cunt. The absence of sex, making this so much more appealing to him. It’s the discovery of the action.

“I’ll make it fit if I have to,” his voice is broken, and you pout up at him. Even just his breath on you is such a taunt of something you desire, and don’t understand. “Darling, you should get dressed, so we can eat, and go out for a long long day.”

“Okay,” he steps away from you too soon causing you to sway back and he chuckles. “Don’t be cruel.”

“I don’t think I’m the one being cruel. You’re standing there with nothing but a bra and panties. I know you’re soaked, heated, and throbbing. And you just hand your hand rubbing on my cock. Who is cruel now?” He stands there smiling at you as you reach for the dress you intend on wearing.

“I want this to be a surprise,” he bows, and leaves you alone to get dressed again. Wondering exactly what you’re going to look like. What you’re going to feel like. He is desperate for you, and also getting turned on more by the waiting. It’s an exploration of who you are, and what your body can do. It’s everything. And so much more than sex. It’s primal. It’s �� love.

“Should you be watching the road?” He looks quickly back to the road, but his eyes switch towards you again. He is struggling to keep looking at the road when you’re in the process of shedding your Amish dress. It’s unfair that he can’t watch, “Ari!”

“What?”

“I’m not really taking my clothes off. Just,” you exhale slowly. You’re going to be stepping out with the English, without looking like you’re Amish. It slowly sinks in. You start with the bonnet, and Ari looks towards you, gawking. You choose to ignore him, while you adjust to feeling a bit more exposed. You’ve never removed the bonnet since being with him. It feels foreign, and yet, right, “The road is in front of you.”

Ari stops the truck abruptly, putting it in park. He sits back a bit more comfortably, and turns to look at you. “Ari, drive,” you don’t mean it. You want him to look.

“You’re distracting me by looking so beautiful,” your cheeks flare with heat, and you bashfully look away. Being able to feel his heated gaze on your back. The tension and heat is palatable in this small cab. “Are you going to take the dress off?”

Inhale. Exhale.

Turning your back to Ari, you peek over your shoulder, “Can you help again?” He responds by reaching up to the safety pin. Undoing it slowly before he slides his hands under the dress at the neck. Grazing over your skin as he removes the potato sack from your shoulders. His throat is so loud, gulping and trying to show some restraint with how much of your skin is showing.

Lifting up, you pull the ugly thing off you. Twisting straight in your seat, you stare out the windshield, struggling to look at him. “Should we not be driving?”

“I’m just looking,” his eyes go up and down your body, and you peer at him through your lashes. “C’mere,” he curls his finger, beckoning you to him, but also, you into him. Upon seeing him, he looks like the most tender predator. Wanting to relax his prey before he devours you, “I’m going to kiss you.”

“Okay,” and his lips slot against yours with no warning. Taking the last breath out of your body. It’s so soft and sensual, and you want more. You maneuver yourself onto your knees, inching your body closer to him. Closer. And then his hand pulls you harder, wanting you to be on top of his faster. He guides you to straddle his lap, and his hands settle on your hips, coaxing you to gyrate on him, and you take more. Rapidly rolling your hips, and moaning at the feeling.

Ari’s tongue tickles on your lip, and you open up. Granting him access, while your lungs scream for air that you don’t want to give them. You don’t want to waste any time apart from him. If you pass out from the lack of oxygen, it will be worth it.

“Get out of the fucking road!” The car behind you blares on their horn, and you jump away from him. Not embarrassed as much as you’re giggling. Your body is on fire. Slicked up, and humming from him, “Move!”

“I told you that you shouldn’t stop in the road,” Ari rolls his eyes as he puts the truck into gear. Letting it roll slowly down the gravel. “Do you think they know?” The last thing you want is to barely get out of the community, and someone see you grinding on Ari while making out with him.

“Nobody is ever going to know. And nobody should even care.”

There’s so much to see. So much to taste. So much to hear. You’re just overwhelmed with everything that is going on. Smiling at Ari freely as you walk through the mall. Letting him hold onto your hip, or hand. Whatever he wants. You like that he’s an overly touchy, and affectionate person, and how alert he is of everyone around you. You didn’t even care if he asserted his dominance and claim on you.

You watch every woman here. Seeing the way that they walk, and talk. How they react with their significant other, but there is one thing that bothered you all day, apart from the awkward and exhilarating waxing. It had been a wonderful day with Ari smiling and laughing with you. Even getting to try on some more dresses for him. And still one thing remained.

“Do you have a bathtub in your house?” Ari’s brows lift up. His smile crooks to the side, and he nods his head.

“I also have running water in my house, but we don’t have to tell anyone that. Why are you asking, Darling?”

“I’ve never shaved,” he nods. When silence surrounds Ari, it’s a lack of not knowing what to say, or how to approach you. “Do you have razors at your house?” he shakes his head no. “We should get some razors. And the creamy stuff.”

“You don’t have to change anything, you know that, right?”

“I want to get some razors,” you respond with finality. Nobody is asking or telling. It’s what you want to do. The freedom to make decisions for yourself. The freedom to make the choice on what you want to do. And you want to shave your legs. At least once. Maybe try makeup. Maybe try writing your own stories. Or watching a movie. “I just want to try everything.”

Ari is his usual self. Smiling and nodding his head.

This could cut you. It’s supposed to rid your skin of hair. A little bit of hair. Not too much because it’s only scratching the surface. But how does one hold their leg? How are you supposed to do anything when the water feels this nice? And you didn't have to boil it, you just got in and it’s fascinating.

“Ari?”

“Yes?” His voice is way too close. He’s just on the other side of the door, and you’re in here with bubbles and a razor. The door is now his enemy, but it’s separating him from you, “Darling?”

“Can I cut myself with this?” He’d never forgive himself if you cut your leg.

“Yeah. Do,” you hear a slight tap on the door, due to his head pushing on it. “I mean would you — um like, what I mean to say is…”

“Can you help me?” The door opens immediately, and you thank the bubbles for covering you up. Between his look of shock, and his roaming eyes, you feel beyond exposed. And you like it, “That was quick.”

“I was leaning my head against the door. I’ve been a bit concerned,” he doesn’t look concerned. He looks horny. His pants tenting again as you lift your leg. “I’ve been very very concerned with your well being, and not knowing what to do, or how to help.”

This is the hottest thing he’s ever seen. Bubbles cover your curves, while leaving just the right amount of skin exposed. And your leg propped up on the edge of the tub has him ready to blow a load just looking at you. He’s been on edge all day. First it was just removing the shell of a life you are ready to leave behind, and now it’s you looking like a siren, and guiding him to his death.

But today, it was the way that dress swished around as you walked. Or when you would bend over, and it would hike up your body. He slyly stood behind you so you could browse the shelves. Nobody else was going to look at you, but he did look cheekily. Imagined himself rucking the dress up to the swell of your ass. Maybe even press his hard length into your warmth. You made today difficult, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

And then, your little minx self had to have a hot dog. Had to. You insisted. Did you understand how suggestive that was, and it shouldn’t have been? He was ready to push you to your knees, and make you swallow every inch of his cock just so he could see tears in your eyes.

He’s currently exhausted because his thoughts range from purely just watching you discover your likes and dislikes, to the depraved thoughts of him sinking into your wet heat for the first time. The tears, the stretch, the inevitable blood, and the way that you’ll look up at him in confusion and love. Feeling beyond full with his girth, but hopefully you feel the — the something from him.

He can’t wait until he gets to kiss all over your body. Spreading so much passion over your skin. Making you soft and pliable. Spending so much time getting you worked up and relaxed that you open up easier. The taste of your skin is going to be heavenly.

“Ari, just breathe,” you giggle, biting on your lip like the cutest devil he’s ever seen. Dipping his hand into the water, he gives you a little splash. His own laughter erupts in the bathroom. “Isn’t that what you tell me?”

“Yes, but you don’t need to be using my words of wisdom against me,” you have truly rendered him speechless, and he wants to do this with you every single day for the rest of his life.

“Does it bother you that I’m in this bathtub naked?” He shakes his head. There is nothing about this moment that is bothering him. Making his resolve a bit harder, yes. Making his body uncomfortable with the wait, of course. And he’ll continue to wait.

He looks at you through his lashes before he holds up a hand, “Gimme your hand,” you do as you're told, and he presses your soaked bubbly hand on his crotch, “Do you think it bothers me?”

“I think you should get in the tub with me,” his eyes slowly close, and he takes three calculated breaths. “Nothing has to happen. But wouldn’t it be easier for you to sit behind me and show me how to shave,” Ari breathes a few beats before he’s lifting the bottom hem of his shirt. Stepping himself, while you hungrily watch.

Standing up he undoes his jeans, and rips them down. You don’t cower away. You stay staring at his body in awe. Your eyes follow the lines of his chest, all the way down to his cock that is at full mast. “You’re not going to touch me just yet. Scoot up.”

You lean forward, and let him settle behind you before you melt into his chest, “This is nice,” he’s so soft as his hands explore your curves. Ari ghosts his lips over your temple. His ministrations are so slow and calculated. His nose nuzzles into your neck as his kisses up the sensitive column, “I’ve never taken this much time on a woman.”

“How many were there?”

“None matter now,” you try to remain calm. Try to not let it bother you. Would knowing make it any better? Men like Ari didn’t come around often. And sure you have his attention now, but how long would it last?

Lifting up his left hand out of the water, you play with each of his fingers. Using your own to outline the digits, to see how much bigger his hand is than yours. “Ari, I don’t know if I want multiple partners.”

“I just want you.”

You aren’t sure if he understands. You want him, and still need to protect your heart. “No, I mean — I don’t want to sleep around. I don’t think that I would want to,” you sigh. Just let it out, “I want sex to mean something. I want it, but I’m glad you didn’t give it to me the other day. I want just one person.”

“I can live with that,” twisting your neck, you move your vision over his face, “I told you, I’m not in a rush. I’m enjoying this more innocent part of our relationship,” there is nothing innocent about this. It’s raw, and heated, and vulnerable. “And there’s so many ways to get off without sex. There’s so many things for us to talk about. And I believe I said I’d shave your legs. Put your leg on the ledge.”

His cock is throbbing on your back, and your heart and pussy are beating against each other. The low slow vibrations are a stark difference to the rapid pace of your heart. Confliction doesn’t even begin to explain the battle between your brain, heart, and aching core. The way he spreads the creamy shaving gel on you is like a drug.

You yearn for him in ways you have never yearned for anything. Your brain is so fuzzy, and your body wants, no, needs friction. It starts grinding on him of its own accord, and his growl on your ear does nothing to dispel the feeling. It desires even more. “Let me shave you first, and then I’ll relieve you.”

Whining, you struggle to hold still. Letting Ari pull the razor so carefully up your leg before he cleanses it in the water, and you’re back to wiggling, and moving. It’s becoming too much for you to focus, “Ari, I can’t,” you sound like a whining child, but you can’t help it. It hurts, you want some relief so bad. You are quivering with so much need. So much desire to have him, even if you also want to wait.

Ari doesn’t answer with words, he lets your leg fall into the water, rinsing it clean before he places each leg on either side of the clawfoot tub. the calloused tips of his fingers ribbon down your body before falling between your legs. Instead of going directly where you need him, he teases the apex of your thighs. Blowing heated air on you when you whimper out his name.

“You’re so fucking needy.”

“Only for you,” if you could pout, you would. All you know is you need relief. And your answers are fuel to Ari’s restlessness to just take you. He would spend on night on his knees worshiping at your altar if that’s what you wanted. He would pray for you, bless you, you are his religion at this point.

You take a sharp breath in as both hands move to your quivering cunt, and your body lifts up at the lightning that radiates from his fingertips. The intimacy of having him so close to you, and the only barrier is the water. It’s like you and Ari are finally fusing. You can think about the brain and heart parts later. Right now it’s just Ari.

“How is that?” He asks, pulling you apart, exposing your swollen clit, and he slowly rubs over it. “You like it?”

“Uh huh,” you liked it too much. Even if he’s going a bit too slow and gentle, he’s giving you where you need attention. Fulfilling too many desires, and not enough.

“You’re in a tub of water, and I can still tell just how slick you are. You’re so frustrated you can’t think, hmm?” You nod your head, and his movement is so swift you don’t even realize his finger circles your entrance, “It’s not enough, is it?” Judging by your actions, it’s not nearly enough, you’re body is screaming for his cock, but your mind is begging to go slower. He won’t be fucking you today.

“No. It’s not enough. Mmm!” His finger plunges into your warmth, and your body lights up. Your brain is blacked out, and your body is high as a kite. His palm flattens on your sensitive nub, while he moves himself in and out of you. “More!”

Adding another finger, you sob his name. Your body starts to follow his lead, pulling him in deeper. Faster. Harder. It could be crazy, but you want the burn, and stretch of feeling full with him. That added finger makes you feel so full of Ari, “More. Ahh!”

Ari adds a third finger with difficulty, and holds himself still. Kissing over your shoulders, and up to your neck while you fuck his fingers. Bucking over him just like nature wanted you to, “There you go. There’s my good girl. Taking three of my fingers just like a sweet little whore. And look at how needy your greedy little cunt is. Stretched so much for me,” you grind down harder. Desperately trying to race to the finish line, and never wanting it to stop.

It’s exhilarating that you get to make yourself feel like this. That Ari is giving you the ability to act on your desires. Your breasts bounce over the water, bubbles slosh over the side of the tub, and you just move faster. Envisioning what it will feel like to fuck him. What he will look like when your pussy is wrapped around his cock. Sleeving him in your velvety walls.

You get so close. Too close, and it overwhelms you. Panting, you stop. It’s enough. “Oh no, you don’t,” his fingers stab into with so much speed that your toes curl. Eyes rolling in the back of your head as you launch your body upwards. “You were so close. That wasn’t an orgasm. You keep going. Pushing yourself. Not stopping until you’re blind with pleasure, and forget how to breathe.”

Your body stiffens as it heats up, “You look so pretty when you’re about to lose control. The pressure and pleasure keeps building. Climbing,” your body is on autopilot as sounds and words wail out of your mouth that you have never heard. “Not stopping up,” something in your body snaps as a raging euphoria courses through your veins like blood, “Until you jump off that peak. What a good girl,” he praises you for reaching the finish line.

He still fucks himself into you, but the movements are slower. Softer. He coaxes your body down from its high. Waiting for your vision to clear back up. Ari peppers kisses all over your shoulders before you start to relax. “What does an orgasm feel like for you?”

“I’ve never had an orgasm inside of you, so I don’t think I’ve reached my pentacle yet. It’s explosive, just as yours. It’s otherworldly. It’s the best drug. But while you're still relaxed, put one of your legs back, and let's shaving,” how he could think of something so silly at a time like this is beyond your thinking. But you do it.

You lift up your leg, and he smears the cream back on your body. Sliding the razor up your skin, and dipping it into the water to clean it. You could take a nap in his arms. Nothing has ever felt quite so comforting like being in his arms post orgasm. The tenderness to your core, makes you smile. Ari had been three fingers into you. And you pray that you continue to feel him later. Giving you a reminder that it wasn’t a dream.

“Shh,” he’s so soft in your ear, and you try to open your eyes; they’re just extra heavy today, and your head jars backwards, “Get some sleep. I’ll finish up here, okay?” You respond with a nod of your head, “Will you let me dress you?”

You give him a nod, but smirk, “Will you look at my pussy?”

“Of course I will,” your mouth quirks up into a sleepy smile, “I gotta see just how stretched out I had you, okay?” As vulgar as it sounds, you didn’t care if Ari took it upon himself to look at your pussy as he dresses you. You hum in response, hoping he understands that you’re completely okay with him doing it. You want him to look.

Want him to see what’s his.

All his.

Only his.

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai

@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989

@pandaxnienke @rogersbarber @buckybarnesisdaddy @theinheriteddutchess @patzammit

@theolivia-graham @steviebbboi @jeremyrennermakesmesmile @kandis-mom

#how i'm looking at you #ari levinson #ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x fem!reader #ari levinson x female reader #ari levinson x y/n #ari levinson x you #ari levinson x amish!reader #amish romance #ari levinson smut #ari levinson fanfiction #ari levinson fanfic #ari levinson fanfics #ari levinson fic #ari levinson fics #chris evans #chris evans character #red sea diving resort

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jamneuromain · 8 months ago

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ohhoehoe! Dark!priest!Ari goes really well with innocent/naive!reader. Just imagine that his hands//

ALL OF THAT YOU TYPED OMG WE NEED A FIC WITH EXACTLY THAT PLOT (if you're willing) Dark!priest!Ari or Andy or Steve or Lloyd or whichever Chris' character you see more fitting 🥵🥵🥵🔥

oohhhhhh okiee so this is *temporarily* what I have in mind in headcanon (for now) but feel free to chip in

- Not specified which church so you can blend your imagination there -

(honestly I have next to little memory of this reblog lmao)

Favorite

Summary: You confess to Ari about some sinful thoughts you have in the Church.

Warning: Dark!Ari Levinson, Priest!Ari Levinson, innocent!reader, I'M PORTRAYING ARI as a predator priest don't read if YOU ARE HIGHLY RELIGIOUS. (and also the facts about church and priests could be a bit mixed up)

Kids at the church joked that he might be Jesus, for the beard and the long hair looked similar to the ancient painting hanging on the wall.

Indeed, Ari Levinson is kindness and sympathy in a human form, saying that he started truly believing and having faith after a terrible incident that nearly took his life. He isn't from this neighborhood, but that doesn't stop him from being a part of it.

Barbeques at Winston's backyard, the annual fair in Rhinestone Park, the New Year's celebration of the local schools ... you name it, he's in. Whether to chip in from his own thin wallet or to help out pushing and moving things around.

He's a true saint. Everyone says so.

You confessed to him, after a regular Sunday morning, when the sun was blazing outside and this little church he stayed in remained a bit chilly as ever. You told him about the crush you have on one of the handsome boys in the sports team, and you fidget nervously because your parents told you it would be unholy if you had these thoughts of boys at such a young age before actually marrying someone.

He listened through your stupid little confession without any annoyance you'd seen on Father Richmond's (the older priest who actually runs the place) face, telling you in a soft silky voice that everyone sins, and they shall ask for forgiveness.

But, he winked, and whispered to you a little secret: since you are his favorite, he could pray to God later that night, and personally ask for forgiveness.

He led you to the altar and knelt with you, murmuring a string of prayers that you could only shut your eyes tightly and listen to.

You fear that God would be mad and abandon you and your family as a result - which you had told Ari prior, in detail.

"God spoke to me. He asked me to pass forward a blessing." He helped you up from the ground. The sunlight fell onto his velvety robes, creating a warm glow around him, making him look like a true saint, some might even say a miracle.

"Really?" You gasped in excitement. No one, and you mean no one has performed such wonder before, claiming that they could directly talk to God.

"Would I lie to you, darling?" He caressed your jaw fondly, his calloused thumb ran over the patch of delicate skin below your earlobe and you squirmed under his heated gaze.

"No." You whimpered, "What was the blessing, Father Levinson?"

He cradled your head and took your lips into a deep, soul-striking kiss.

"God told me he's fond of you. He has sent me to pass his future blessings on." Ari responded, softly smiling as your doe-y eyes widened in utter shock.

So shocked, in fact, that you forgot about your parents' words. They had told you before that kissing was also on the list of No-No.

"Me...?"

"Yes, darling, you." He mused, dipping his hand into the shallow bronze plate that carried holy water, drawing a mark with the dampened fingers on your forehead, "Now you should be rid of those sinister thoughts. If you have any more trouble, my office is always open for you, darling."

"Thank you, Father Levinson," You squealed, so happy to finally erase the heavy feelings off your mind.

"Anytime, darling." He clamped his hands together, kindly smiling at your happiness, "But keep this between us, will you?" He gestured to the confession and the altar, "It would be quite the fuss if the town knows about the all-loving Lord has a favorite."

#ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x you #dark ari levinson #the red sea diving resort #ari levinson #ari levinson x female reader #ari levinson fanfiction #priest!ari levinson #innocent!reader

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talonabraxas · 8 months ago

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Hekate: Goddess of The Eclipse Talon Abraxas

Eclipses are such a powerful time to explore darkness, so very Hekatean in their essence for they not only either dim the world or occur at night when they are visible, but are also liminal times. As part of my personal studies, I reflect on experiences during the previous eclipses to see how they brought powerful medicine to me.

Eclipses are generally turning points, a type of Nyssa experience (refer to Entering Hekate's Garden if you are unfamiliar with that term). As Hekateans, the MOON will always be highly influential since we are naturally attuned to it's powers: emotions, intuition, magic(k), mystery. They are sacred events when we can behold the majesty of the universe, and Hekate Anima Mundi, with awe and wonder.

Generally, I recommend connecting to the eclipse in a more intuitive manner during the precise times, such as contemplative work of devotion (see prayer below), and reserving spells and rituals for hours before/after. Viewing eclipses in person is deeply spiritual experience, which I have been fortunate enough to have many times.

Understanding Eclipses: Significance and Characteristics

"The metaphor for the violence done to the goddess as a representative of natural order and the balance of the natural world appropriately takes the form in the celestial sphere as an abrupt and frightening change in the heavens: an eclipse. The actions of this goddess as eclipse are not the warrior goddess archetype but the intellectually powerful and disturbed nature of a goddess represented as a raging fury determined to shake the universe, darken the skies, and set the world into a readjustment of its values after experiencing the chaos of the unnatural. Eventually, her power is to astound, frighten, and horrify to create the required and necessary change to the culture of the patriarchy that is out of sync with nature. Therefore, her power dwells in the unmasking of uncertainty and the shocking of mankind to evoke revenge and correct misconduct through a demonstration of cosmic change." From "Goddesses of The Eclipses," by Helen Benigni.

I don't feel the need to say more about their significance, especially to us Hekateans. This quote, and the entire scholarly article linked above, says it all.

2024 Eclipse Cycle

The 2024 Eclipse Cycle begins with the Libra Full Moon in March, and concludes with the Libra New Moon in October. For many of us living in North America, the Spring Eclipse Season brings us a very special total solar eclipse, a rare treat. Keep in mind that solar eclipses happen twice a year, so although this one may be more personally relevant because we can see it, it is in keeping with the natural cycle.

Eclipse seasons happen at the opposite side of the zodiacal calendar, as illustrated in the Covina graphic above. Since our calendar is lunar, twice a year we start a new moon month on an eclipse.

Beyond the full Aries solar eclipse on April 8, another unique astrological event in 2024 is that there are two Capricorn Full Moon's during the summer, which results in an unusual third Libra eclipse.

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the-punforgiven · 2 years ago

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All My Tarnished In Elden Ring

2 of you said do it so I'm doing it lmao

My first character is Ari, they were my very first character and are currently my "main" character. They started out as a raw Strength Claymore-only build and just kinda stayed that way until after I'd beaten the final boss. My original intent was to have them do the rad Carian Sword stuff as a sort of spellsword/battlemage thing, and while they can do that now, I just kinda waited a little too long to spec them into INT so now they're just a friendly summon who's a tanky sword-wielding sword mage who can deal a casual 7453 damage with Carian Grandeur under the right circumstances (As for weapons since they're my Main character I've got a bunch of random shit I've leveled for hyper specific situations, but Claymore is still, as always, Old Reliable for them)

My second character is one named Bryndegaard, she's a VERY heavy Strength/Faith build that I like, accidentally made good lmao Turns out guard counters with the Great Mace do a lot of stance damage Her shield doesn't have an Ash of War on it, and her mace has Prayerful Strike, so even if someone does manage to hit her through it, her vigor is so good and Prayerful Strike is so strong that the damage is usually pretty negligible. She's my tank/healer build first and foremost, but I also have the Envoy's Longhorn levelled up for her just in case I need to absolutely decimate a large boss like Placidusax or Astel. The Longhorn also worked surprisingly well against Elden Beast, as turns out its 80% Holy Damage negation doesn't mean much if you output too much damage for it to matter

My third character's named Edge, Lord He was supposed to be my Spooky Scary Death Mage but tbh I haven't touched him in a while so right now he's just a really unoptimized scythe guy with like, Rancorcall and that's it. I tried to make him look like a black metal musician and I think I did really well, but he also looks so angy it's really funny to me fhdjksahfkxz

Fourth character is Vlad, he's my funny little Dracula Boy. He's not very good but I love him nonetheless. He's built around claws, bleed, and Lifesteal Fist, which I'm very glad was recently buffed because man, this guy was not great to play before that lmao Also I love how tiny his head looks with that cape it's really funny to me

5th character is Guano Gobbler. Very original. Do Not Steal. Idk man I wanted to get the Dung Eater ending at least once, and idk I didn't want to get it on anyone else. I did use the Dung Eater's facial presets for him, I just thought it'd be funny to make him bald too

6th character is the lovely Cap'n Rumguzzler. My entire thought process behind him was 'want pirate' and then I made one. I have no idea what build I was gonna make with him and as a result he fucking sucks but I love him anyway. He also has a cannon hidden in his back pocket or something (I am aware what his name is one letter away from, that just straight-up did not occur to me at all when I was first naming him)

7th character is my Gravity Boy, I don't like his name so you don't get to know it. I've decided he's not going to progress past Maliketh because I still want at least one character I can co-op with in Leyndel. He's exactly what he says on the tin, he's got a Zweihander with Waves of Darkness and he's got a bunch of gravity spells. Not much else to say tbh aside from that I really like how the purple of the gravity magic goes with his All Black Everything look tbh. It's just very aesthetically pleasing to me

8th character is The Legend Herself, 4PattyCheeseBurg. She's built with the express purpose of having the highest possible health achievable in game. Her first 85 levels were all in Vigor (She started out with 14). She only uses the Star Fist. Red Sun gets stuck in my head every time I play her. She's somehow the strongest character I've ever had for Colosseum battles. I've made people just straight-up avoid her completely for entire matches. Demigods fall before her. The earth itself shatters at her victories. She's so fun to play I love her

Her health bar looks like this btw.

9th character is, regrettably, RudolphReindeer. My friend wanted to do a funny holiday-themed run and he'd already claimed Santa, so this is the best I could come up with. You don't get to see his face up close because I hate it

10th is my sleep build, Eurythmics (Because, y'know, Sweet Dreams) idk what else to say about them aside from that they're here, they do sleep, I don't know what to do for their fashion, and they're Not Very Good

11th character is just this one, I've named her Sellsword because idk what else to do with her She's a Quality/Quality-Mage build and I just kinda use her for testing out all sorts of wacky shit trying to wrangle huge damage and big AoE's (Fun Fact: Hoarah Loux's Earthshaker is buffed by the Highland Axe, and the buff stacks if you have a second one, but for some reason it is not buffed by the Roar Talisman) I like making her dual wield stuff also

and the 12th (last) character is this one, She's a Quality build with a bit of arcane. With her I typically use either the Claymore, Marais Sword, or Eleonora's twinblade, and the Dragon Communion Seal in her off hand. Her damage is surprisingly good for me barely playing up her bleed potential, and for some reason she tends to get summoned by randos way more than my other builds, couldn't possibly imagine why She's in the Hoslow set here, but sometimes I switch it up and put her in the Briar armor (With the Vagabond legs/arms) instead. idk just kinda depends on mood but I think the Hoslow chest's red bits compliment her eyes idk

And that's it, that's all of them minus a few I started, got like 5 feet from Limgrave, and haven't touched since

Elden Ring 10/10 game, absolutely consumed my life 👍

#Pun's text Posts #Elden Ring #Tarnished #Tarnished oc

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primordialsoundmeditation · 10 months ago

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DAILY ANGEL MESSAGE!

Take a deep breath, let it out slowly, say this prayer and then keep reading: “Thank you angels for revealing to me what I need to know!”

MESSAGE

Kindness is about giving without needing to receive. It’s about having consideration alongside the willingness to be present and help. Being kind is one of the highest vibrations, for when we give without needing to receive in return, we tune in to the abundant flow of the Universe and will be helped in some other way.

Kindness is good for the heart both physically and spiritually. On a physical level, being kind can lower blood pressure, strengthen arteries, and bring mental clarity. On a spiritual level, when you step into this space of selflessness, you allow yourself to be sustained by a higher power that will always lead you toward your highest and greatest good.

Being kind to yourself is about removing any conditions for contentment. It’s about respecting and loving yourself no matter what situation you are facing. It’s about taking the pressure off your own shoulders and just allowing yourself to be how you need to be.

Today the Universe is encouraging you to choose kindness in all areas of your life. Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself.

Vibe of the Day: “My kindness attracts the presence of love.”

DECK: Raise Your Vibration Oracle

ARTIST: Ari Wisner

Thank you for sharing this card if it relates to you!

Kyle Gray

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svpine · 1 month ago

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⤑ renée elise goldsberry, 53, cis woman, she/her 𓇢𓆸 my my, if it isn't ivy lightfoot, my favorite pretender in town. you know, though people say they can be rather obsessive and judgmental, i know they’re really caring and organized. but hey, what do i know? i’ve only known them for 26 years. if you need to get in touch, you can probably find them working as a teacher & coach at blackwater community school.

BASICS

full name: ivy yvonne lightfoot née ackney hometown: baltimore, md sexuality: bisexual birthday: february 27 zodiac: pisces sun, aries moon, virgo rising height: 5’7” marital status: married children: 2; atlas (deceased) & pandora traits: calm, caring, organized, judgmental, obsessive, resentful

BACKGROUND tw death of a child, mentions of religion/religious trauma

born to an upper middle class family in maryland, ivy was the oldest of three and the only girl

her upbringing was relatively uneventful, she got good grades and was an incredible volleyball player

she was captain of her high school team and was recruited to play at university of texas

she excelled there and was very much Student Athlete (derogatory) vibes, hyper-focused on her sport and on staying fit

then ivy was part of the 1992 barcelona olympic team where she received a bronze medal

she didn't make it onto the 1996 team and this sent her into a big time spiral

she was aimless for awhile, not really sure what to do with herself, then she met her husband... her brought her to god and into his life with the church and suddenly? she had a Purpose again

all that insane student athlete energy she put into becoming an idealized wife and, eventually, mother, maintaining the family image became her new sport

she started teaching math to the high schoolers at blackwater community school and coaches a group of kids in volleyball because it will always be her first love

everything sort of started to fall apart a few years ago when her son, atlas, died; ivy loves and is obsessed with her children and this shook her

it shook her faith, it (obviously) shook her family, it shook up her whole life

the one constant she had (the church, god etc.) had failed her, no amount of prayer could bring back her son

she's still very much deep in her grief, but the facade that was shaken is back up, she's still dedicated to saving face and keeping up appearances because it's the only thing she can control

PERSONALITY

to the public, she's vibrant and confident and dedicates herself to her family and her community and her husband's congregation

in private, she is straight up... not having a good time

she feels haunted by her son's death and she's not really sure she even believes in god anymore (though she will NOT be telling her husband that)

she's worried about her daughter constantly, even more overprotective now than she was previously

she kind of just goes through the motions of life at this point, works and goes to church and gives what she can to the community bc she still cares SO much about all her obligations even though she doesn't feel life fulfilling them

very friendly, probably very well-known in the community, is always doing what she can for neighbors etc.

she has insomnia now, can't ever get more than 3 hours max at night and it is usually much less

and when she does sleep, she has nightmares which only makes her want to Not sleep

keeping up appearances (she's a pro by now) and puts all of her energy into seeming Normal

WC page under construction

#bwfm.intro

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ms-m-astrologer · 2 years ago

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Transiting Mars enters Cancer

Saturday, March 25 - Saturday, May 20, 2023

Back in the olden times, nobody ever had anything good to say about Mars in Cancer. It’s easy to understand why: Mars is exalted in the sign Capricorn, where its drive and energy is directed in a productive, achievement-oriented way. If Mars/Capricorn is wonderful, and Cancer is the sign opposite Capricorn, therefore Mars in Cancer must be weak.

I don’t think Cancer is Mars’ very favorite sign to occupy, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work with it. Think “mama bear” energy - usually rather chill, but when aroused, watch out.

It’s also important to acknowledge how much our emotions and feelings (Cancer) affect what we do and how we do it (Mars). Nothing like a Mars/Cancer transit to refresh our memories! Everything is prone to “going through phases” like the Moon (ruler of Cancer), too.

Energy levels, physical strength - fluctuates. Sometimes we’re lethargic and torpid, while other times we’re crackling with energy. What we eat and drink always has an effect on our overall strength, and we could become painfully aware of this if we aren’t careful. Our emotions are a factor, too, and (likewise) we may be made aware of how this works out for us.

Sexuality - really cuddly, nurturing, focussed on the bosom (which Cancer rules!). Sex as a way to connect emotionally with someone. Wanting to have babies.

How we go after what we want - I once snarled at a couple of Cancer Suns, “Would it kill you guys to be straightforward and go directly after what you want?!?” Yes, yes it would. Crabs move sideways towards their goals. They take many, many “baby steps” when they’re first starting out. That said, I do think that Mars here can be very encouraging of other people working toward their goals.

In his series of books about the astrological elements (fire, earth, air, water), Steven Forrest writes about Mars having the vibe of a protector. This is a healthier and safer alternative path for Warrior energy. We can easily explore that, during this Mars/Cancer transit.

Some dates to watch out for (giving yourself a few days on either side):

Thursday, April 27 - Mars/Cancer square Chiron/Aries. Hurt feelings - don’t hang on to them.

Saturday, April 29 - Mars/Cancer sextile Uranus/Taurus. Innovative and simple solutions to our problems.

Tuesday, May 9 - Mars/Cancer sextile Ceres/Virgo. Lots of useful activity around home and family.

Thursday, May 11 - Mars/Cancer square Eris/Aries. Angry women. If we’re going to meet (or become) Mama Bear, it’s probably now!

Monday, May 15 - Mars/Cancer trine Neptune/Pisces. Spiritual energy; the power of prayer.

#Astrology #Transiting Mars enters Cancer #Ms M astrologer

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cosmicplexus · 7 months ago

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TW dealing with overwhelming passive suicidal ideation

Aquarius Rising (26°) with NN in Virgo.

Neptune in Capricorn 12H at 27°

retrograde Saturn in Aries 3H 15° opposing Moon in Libra 7°

Do you have insights on unconventional creative or cathartic outlets? Physical outlets are uphill battle due to chronic pain. Writing (journaling, creative, professional astrological or tarot readings) feel like pulling teeth, have never really enjoyed creating visual arts (prefer consuming it). Struggling with intense anger and sadness, confusion with where to direct energy to offer myself genuine relief. Most of my day is centered around self-soothing through overwhelming melancholia and hopelessness.

Willing to discuss moving forward with paid reading if this is too intense for an ask.

TW: Su!c!dal Thoughts

I am truly saddened to hear this and I genuinely hope everything turns out for the best🥺🤍Will keep you in my prayers ✨

Before I proceed to the astrology part I just want to emphasize on the importance of a strong support system as well as professional help and I hope I don't offend you by saying this. I am really concerned and would love for you to have the best help you can get. You have a purpose and it's very important for you to realize this✨🤍

Moving onto the astrology...

~In my experience, struggling to tap into creativity is usually the product of a disconnection to self, we're all creatives ultimately. The right buttons just need to be tapped for others.

With a 12h Neptune at 27° and a Libra Moon at 7° you are a born artist. The fact that you feel disconnected to it is indeed a huge indicator of misalignment. You don't have to force yourself into writing. You could try the different forms of digital art, fashion assembling or creation, hand-made jewellery, artifacts, painting etc.

I know there's a negative perception of a 3H Saturn in terms of expressing thoughts/the mind, but expressing them through writing could actually be beneficial. Just don't have expectations or force-feed yourself into it. Take it slowly and just write whatever is in your heart

~I don't know what triggers all these dark emotions, but confronting them could really help. Try things like frequency healing to balance your heart, mind and spirit

Listening to affirmation subs, energetic cleansing. I personally love sea salt bathes and keeping sachets of cinnamon on me. Look into herbal healing, chamomile really helps with negative thoughts

~Light up a white candle and speak positivity into your life. I don't know what beliefs you subscribe to, but my belief is that God is the universe. God transcends all these boarders humans have placed and if you call onto him he'll listen.

If you want to meet the divine beings that heal and restore balance, a good time to talk to the universe is 12am, 3am and 4am. Call onto angels Gabriel, Michael and Maria in these hours. I have witnessed love of the highest power when I was in despair and wish the same for you🤍🌻✨

May Grace always locate you. The universe will not fail you. Love and abundance to you🤍🥺✨🌺

#purpose #healing #love

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13urningstars · 2 years ago

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𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄'𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓

Name: File empty registration unknown. IVORY Cherrybomb of iacon

Alias: Her human alias is Cheryl Benoit, and cherrybomb itself is an alias turned name. In her shattered glass verse, we call her "Siren". General nicknames include: sunshine, cherr, cherry, CB, cherrybabe, the bomb, songbird, pinkie, cherrbear, momma bear, sweetness (tba)

Gender: Demigirl. Uses she/her and they/them, but really has no preference

Age: Around her early/mid 40's by human approximation? But really millions of years old, forged prewar

Species: Cybertronian

Zodiac: aquarius / aries / cancer / capricorn / gemini / leo / libra / pisces / sagittarius / scorpio / taurus / virgo / unknown

Abilities/Talents: Minimal medical training, dancing, singing, pickpocketing, Modded ability to create a sonic screech, press management, quick runner

Alignment: lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / neutral / evil / true

Religion: This one's a bit complicated, but she's agnostic. She believes that the 13 where normal mecha, deified amongst time, although if proved otherwise she wouldn't put up a fight. She say's small prayers in their names to herself in rare moments, something she's been taught and carried with her, but when it comes to primus and unicron? Where were they as their children killed and tore their planet apart? She does not like to believe in the idea of gods that would leave her them to suffer through such a life. Its complicated

Sins: envy / greed / gluttony / lust / pride / sloth / wrath

Virtues: charity / chastity / diligence / humility / justice / kindness / patience

Languages: Cybertronian; Can read and speak modern neo-cybex, a smaller iaconian dialect, english and french, understands wing speech, is slowly but surely learning eukarian

Family: A seeker, rainjet, and her conjunx endura hitch, her daughter nova

Friends: Joyride, a rescue bot medic although the friendship is... mostly onesided. The rest is verse dependant.

Sexual Orientation: heterosexual / bisexual / pansexual / homosexual / demisexual / asexual / unsure / questioning / other [ omnisexual/polyarmorous ]

Relationship status: single / dating / married / widowed / open relationship / other [ verse dependant ]

Libido: sex god / very high / high / average / low / very low / non-existent

Build: twig / bony / slender / average / athletic / curvy / chubby / obese

Hair: white / blonde (holoform) / brunette / red / black / other

Eyes: brown / blue / green / black / other

Skin: pale / fair / olive (holoform) / light brown / brown / very brown / black / other (Semi dark grey)

Height: under 3 foot / 3-4 foot / 4-5 foot / 5-6 foot (holoform) / 6-7 foot / above 7 foot (21'3ft)

Weight: under 100 pounds / 100-150 pounds / 150-200 pounds / 200-250 pounds / above 250 pounds

Scars: Innitials burned into to her neck just out of view, A grazed line on her side, slightly off colored left optic, Jagged scratches on her back between her door wings and wheels, a grip dent on her larger right audial fin

Facial Features: Always hidden behind her white helm and visor, she has a heart shaped face, and sharp eyes paired with a medium dainty nose. two lines of dim bio lights streak down her upper cheeks, reminiscent of tear lines. Two pairs of audial fins, the smaller of which movable.

Tattoos: A bunch of UV tattoo's decorate her armor. most don't have meanings, just pretty designs that decorate her frame, but a handful of them do. Her favorite poem transcribed on the end of her "skirt" and the hex code for ivory on the inside on her wrist.

Dogs or Cats?

Birds or Hamsters?

Red or Blue?

Yellow or Green?

Black or White?

Coffee or Tea?

Ice Cream or Cake?

Fruits or Vegetables?

Sandwich or Soup?

Magic or Melee?

Sword or Bow?

Summer or Winter?

Spring or Autumn?

The Past or The Future?

tagged by: @blackwldcw

tagging: @aircommndr @battlexworned @wild-at-spark @almost-nearly-perfect @loverbot-9000 @autobotstarscream @autobotmedic AND who ever see's this that hasn't done it yet.

#🍒 || trivia [ hcs. ]#🍒 || the fire spreads [ dash games. ]

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ash-and-books · 2 years ago

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Rating: 4/5

Book Blurb: From New York Times bestselling YA author Rebecca Mix comes the first book in a breathtaking middle grade fantasy duology about a young fairy who has always lived in her heroic grandmother’s shadow, but now must step up and embark on a quest to save her mother from the ever-creeping mold overtaking their world. Perfect for readers who loved Brandon Mull's Fablehaven, The City of Ember by Jeanne DuPrau, and Endling: The Last by Katherine Applegate.

The mold takes all.Twelve-year-old fairy Canary Mossheart knows this better than most. A few years ago, the mold took her papa, and even her famous, former-chosen-one Gran never found a cure. So when Ary's beloved mama falls ill, Ary decides it’s taken enough. Armed with only a bucket and a prayer, she sneaks out to find a magical, underground lake whose healing waters are straight out of Gran’s adventures.But when Ary gets there, the lake’s bone dry, and instead of healing waters, she finds a terrifying secret: Her entire world is actually trapped inside a giant terrarium—one they were meant to leave centuries ago. Worse, Gran knew and hid the truth, dooming Ary and her generation to a dying, rotting world.Now, allied with only her doomsday-obsessed frenemy, a timid pill bug, and a particularly grumpy newt, Ary has one week to unravel the clues and find a way out of the terrarium—or they’ll be trapped for good. .

Review:

In a world where fairies live inside a terrarium that is being consumed by mold and slowly dying... one girl will have to find a way to go on the journey that her grandmother had gone on, break the curse, and free the fairies from the terrarium if she wants to save her mother. Canary Mossheart is the granddaughter of the great hero who saved the terrarium... or so they say. The terrarium is being overrun by mold, food is scarce, and people are dying. When the mold starts increasing and Ary’s mother is infected, she knows she must go find a way to cue her mother and that means going on the quest that her grandmother had gone on all those years except her grandmother has been hiding so many secrets and has so many lies and when she discovers the truth, it will change everything she ever knew about her family and her world. Ary embarks on a journey with nothing more than the hope in her heart, making unlikely friends, and discovering her own family secrets. This was such an enchanting and epic adventure, it’s the first book in the duology but it ends so well and I can’t wait to see where the next book goes. Arya is just trying to save her mother and living in her grandmother’s shadow is not easy, especially when everyone compares her to her grandmother. Arya just wants to find a place for herself, to save her family, and to prove that she is worthy. The story blends magic with adventure and high stakes with a bit of horror and I had a blast!!

*Thanks Netgalley and HarperCollins Children's Books, Balzer + Bray for sending me an arc in exchange for na honest review*

#book rebiew #bookish #the mossheart's promise

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dsantine · 2 years ago

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youtube

Blessing of Samba

It's better to be happy than to be sad Happiness is the best thing that exists it's like a light in the heart

But to make a samba with beauty it takes quite a bit of sadness it takes quite a bit of sadness but it doesn't make a samba, no!

Otherwise, it's like loving a woman who is just beautiful, so what? A woman has to have something besides beauty Anything sad, anything that cries Anything what feels wistful A bruised love swing A beauty that comes from the sadness of knowing herself a woman Made just to love To suffer for your love And to be just forgiveness

Making samba is not telling a joke and whoever makes samba like that is nothing the good samba is a form of prayer

Because samba is the sadness that sways and sadness always has a hope sadness always has a hope for a day of not being sad anymore no!

Like those people who walk around playing with life Be careful comrade life is for real And make no mistake, there is only one Two even if it's good

No one will tell me they have Without proving very well proven With a certificate issued by a notary in the sky And signed underneath: God And with a recognized signature!

Life is no joke, friend Life is the art of encounter Although there is so much mismatch in life There is always a woman waiting for you With eyes full of affection And hands full of forgiveness Put some love in your life as in your samba

Put a some love on a beat and you'll see that nobody in the world beats the beauty that has a samba, no!

Because samba was born there in Bahia And if today he is white in poetry If today he is white in poetry He's too black at heart

I, for example, the captain of the bush Vinicius de Moraes poet and diplomat The blackest white in Brazil In the direct line of Xangô, Saravá!

The Blessing, Madam The biggest ialorixá in Bahia Land of Caymmi and João Gilberto The Blessing, Pixinguinha You who cried on the flute All my love hurts

The blessing, Sinhô, the blessing, Cartola Blessing, Ismael Silva Your blessing, Heitor dos Prazeres The Blessing, Nelson Cavaquinho The Blessing, Geraldo Pereira The blessing, my good Cyro Monteiro You, Nono's nephew

The Blessing, Noel, Your Blessing, Ary The blessing, all the great Brazilian samba dancers white, black, mulatto Beautiful like the soft skin of Oxum

The blessing, maestro Antonio Carlos Jobim Dear partner and friend That you've traveled so many songs with me And there are still so many to travel The Blessing, Carlinhos Lyra partner one hundred percent

You who unite action with feeling and to the thought The blessing, the blessing, Baden Powell New friend, new partner That you made this samba with me Blessing, friend

The blessing, maestro Moacir Santos You are not one, you are many My Brazil of All Saints Including my São Sebastião Saravá! The blessing, that I'm leaving I will have to say goodbye

Put a some love on a beat and you'll see that nobody in the world beats the beauty that has a samba, no!

Because samba was born there in Bahia And if today he is white in poetry If today he is white in poetry He's too black at heart

#Youtube

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divineunderstandingsastrology · 2 years ago

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Full moon reading

This is an idea I thought of several years ago, back when Pick-a-Card readings were ragingly popular. I always want to do trendy things in my own way, so I thought: maybe it’d be interesting to do “Pick a Question” readings.... Basically: there are 4 questions below and you can pick any that you feel drawn to, maybe even more than one; the readings, as my attempt to answer the questions, will be posted below.

[[I think I might try to do these for new and full moons; depending on how they do maybe I’ll extend the regularity. This one is based on the full moon astrology horoscope I did, where I saw that emotional stability and insecurity are going to be somewhat prominent themes.]]

1.) How can I better balance my emotions this year? 2.) What unwarranted criticisms do I hold against myself? 3.) What spiritual message is waiting for me? 4.) How have I been neglecting my inner world lately?

Question 1 (Group 1)

For this question’s group there seems to be a lot of material pressure and heavy weight atop the shoulders, metaphorically speaking. I get a sense of overstimulation and an imbalance regarding time for others and time for the self. “The Universe” card shows a need to reconnect with a greater force than the self, potentially through ‘prayer’ - whatever that means for you - or meditation. Overall when things get too intense it’s a call to shift perspective and remember the great force of life that protects and connects us all. Regardless of any emotional situation going on, the energy of “god” (for lack of a better word) or the Universe is always accessible and willing to help you, especially when emotions get too hard to handle. <3

The King of Pentacles is a sign that there needs to be a check in with the state of the physical body; if the body is saying it needs rest then it’s probably time to listen. Ignoring the body’s cues can lead to emotional difficulties and imbalances that last for long periods of time. The Hierophant reversed shows that some element of emotional imbalance is coming from old beliefs that need dismantling, and they are beliefs around personal authority, responsibility, and also money (possibly). The knight of Pentacles reversed shows insecurity in direction that is aimed toward material satisfaction, and this could come from a lack of confidence around methods of practice or routines. Sometimes when we second guess ourselves and the decisions we’ve made or have to make it can bring major anxiety. Making strong, clear and confident decisions and sticking to them (like the king of Swords) is potentially highly important now, if you’ve chosen question 1.

The Star reversed along with the three of Cups reversed can show that your shining light is currently being dimmed. Too much stimulation or over-extending help to others can cause this. It’s important to be able to balance between nurturing others and nurturing the self, as I’ve said earlier.

With the Lion (Leo), Aries and Venus cards there is a call to prioritize confidence and self acceptance over pleasing others and maintaining the status quo (reference back to the reversed hierophant. Perhaps someone in this group has a fire sign Venus (Aries, Leo or Sagittarius) which would bring a need for unapologetic expressions of love (for the self and others) and a warm, positive outlook on the situations life may find one in at any given time.

Thanks so much for sticking with me through this reading; I really hope it resonates!

Question 2 (Group 2)

This question is all about how you may be criticizing yourself in ways that are inaccurate or that should be released. The World (Reversed) shows that you maybe criticize yourself in terms of experience, or lack thereof. There’s also something here about finding it difficult to complete things, or that maybe you feel like you have too much left undone in your life, with many loose-ends flinging around everywhere. This coupled with the Ace of Swords (reversed) shows that you might criticize your own ideas and communication style. You maybe don’t see yourself as someone who’s smart enough to succeed in certain ways, which is inaccurate.

The hermit has showed up to remind you that you are an incredibly wise soul in your own right, but the page of Wands (reversed) shows the possibility that you humble yourself a lot and could maybe be afraid to stand out in some respects; maybe you’re somewhat cautious by nature and it’s difficult to be seen and understood.

The knight of swords under the World Reversed shows that you have a desire to go out and accomplish big things - that in reality (maybe, if this resonates) you have a bright and focused mind, with the potential for major movement forward, as long as thoughts are directed toward clarity and purpose versus overthinking. The 10 of Swords under the ace represents the worst being over, and I feel this relates to ideas or perceptions of failure. Swords are thoughts and ideas, and the Ace of Swords reversed can indicate fears of failure in some ways. With the High Priestess reversed underneath The Hermit it shows me that you have a powerful inner wisdom that needs to be called on rather than downplayed or ignored.

The 6 of Cups reversed underneath the Page of Wands shows some connection to the past, particularly to childhood somehow. Maybe childhood wounds are coming up to be healed, or your inner child is ready to be activated in some way in order to assist you out of certain painful mental difficulties.

[[For this pile 2 extra cards fell out, which means you’re meant to receive more messages. The 2 of Swords paired with the 6 of Wands reversed shows that Victory is awaiting you somehow but you may be hesitating. There’s a reminder here that your path in life is sound and that you no longer need to hesitate to claim victory]]

With the Mercury, Moon and the Part of Fortune cards, the message could be that your path to fortune lies within the synthesis of your mind and your emotions. It may be difficult for you to recognize what is fear or over caution, and what is your intuition guiding you to appropriate circumstances. Tuning in more to your innermost voice will help alleviate a lot of life’s confusion. Thank you so, so much for finishing this reading. I hope it makes sense!! Have an awesome New Year :D

Question 3 (Group 3)

For this group I’m sensing a need to recognize and integrate duality in some way. The 2 of Wands reversed shows a spiritual numbness, aloofness or detachment. With the Knight of wands reversed there’s a sense of apathy or lack of passion. The 7 of Cups represents the expansion of perspective, the changing of eyes and wandering into “higher dimensions” of thought.

Temperance reversed shows a stuckness - a need to reinvent the energetic flow and deeply heal. Unity versus polarity is a major focus for this card. The tricky thing about recognizing Universal unity is that it’s sort of a paradox. To say everything and everyone is one means to somewhat reject the reality of the polarity we experience, which to humanity is very real. To say that polarity and extremes are the only reality, though, is to plainly state that unity of all things is simply an illusion. Somewhere in between could potentially be an important contemplation for you, group 3. There is no real spiritual truth or “right way” to follow the ethereal senses, and being one who’s in touch with the concept of “God” requires constant flexibility and the embracing of nuance, as sometimes many things can be true and untrue all at once.

The 10 of Swords reversed speaks of past things coming up to be rehashed, and with the two of wands reversed it may be speaking of karma, to some extent. The wands suit represent the spirit, and the two of wands indicates choices or alternative pathways of some kind. It also represents the synthesizing of philosophies with another person. Perhaps at this time you feel isolated in your spiritual beliefs; past karma can be cleared and new potential recognized in time. The three of Wands shows a new phase: a great and stretching landscape that is ready for building on, but it being under the knight of wands reversed - it’s almost as though the spark for such a vision is weak or trapped. By clearing and extending your spiritual perspective you might begin to see balance in your ethereal vision again.

The Queen of Wands underneath the 7 of Cups represents the inner flame, as Wands are the spirit and ruled by the element fire. As an energy the Queen of wands is bold, daring and unwavering. Somewhere in the spirit is an undying passion for something, but it may be blocked as certain areas of life need to be synthesized and balanced before the fire can be felt. The Queen of Pentacles reversed shows a need to get in touch with the spirit of nature; perhaps you could work with elementals or ancient tree spirits. Either way it’s true that the frequency of the Earth itself has the ability to restore and heal us more deeply than many other things. Thank you so much for making it to the end of this. I truly hope it makes sense! <3 Happy New Year!

Question 4 (Group 4)

Question 4 (Group 4):

For group 4 we have the question “How have I been neglecting my inner world?” The focus for this reading is what may need attention or an outlet as of now, when it comes to the internal state. The 2 of Pentacles shows a need for establishing a center, or simplifying. There is the theme of “quality over quantity” that popped into my head when I saw this card. It’s one that speaks of complete busyness and standing on tiptoe, trying to maintain an overly elaborate schedule. The material world feels chaotic and somewhat confusing, and so finding inner peace might be something that currently needs priority. With the Queen of Pentacles showing up underneath the 2 of Pentacles there’s a call to get back to the basics, to release what isn’t solely needed and get back into a simpler (maybe even slower) rhythm.

The Page of Wands represents inquisitiveness, bravery, enthusiasm and curiosity. It comes up when there’s a need to initiate new passions or perspectives, and when it’s time to start going after “the thing”. Whatever it is that brings warmth and excitement is worth being brought into being; this is a time to start thinking of where you want to go. Where does your attention feel the most pulled? What new thing is greatly exciting? What new life experience do you want to experience next? That is the focus of the Page of Wands. Having the world reversed underneath it speaks of unfinished experiences, or things waiting to be explored. Perhaps even revisiting certain physical places through traveling is called for now. The 6 of Swords is the card of transition and change. It talks of going from one phase to another, often with an entirely new sort of environment and circumstance. The 6 of Swords also brings a message of peace and the pursuit of a calmer mindset.

The page of Swords brings re-enforcement of the message of initiating new experiences, but with swords the subject is thoughts, ideas and communication. You may need to pursue an intellectual idea and not ignore certain powerful inspirations. With the 7 of Swords under it there is a hinting toward social unfairness, which I found interesting. It may be time to question whether you’re being treated properly or fairly. Are people respecting your mind and your ideas? It may be time to restructure or shift your social circle entirely, especially with the Libra and Aquarius card showing up, which are two of the most social signs in the zodiac.

Thank you so much for reading this til the end. I hope it resonates somewhat and that you have a beautiful new year!

#tarot #pick a card reading #tarot reading #spirituality #astrology #tarot cards #divination #full moon reading

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astarionancuntnin · 2 months ago

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The Ways of Worship

summary: this faith was all you've ever known. so when you wake up a morning with the dreadful feeling that you've lost it, you do the one thing that makes sense - confess to your local priest. when he offers his guidance with the promise of making you whole again, you accept without a second thought. your first lesson begins tonight.

rating: E

word count: 4.2k

pairing: priest astarion x religious!reader

cw: 18+. priest+modern AU, smut, power imbalance, so many pet names (child, dear, darling, sweet, precious (little) lamb, one, angel, love), corruption so dubcon, light degradation, punishments (spanking), loss of innocence, groping, fingering, dom(astarion)/sub(reader), losta biblical imagery. full list on ao3.

a/n: none of these thoughts are in the bible

a/n²: inspo songs were BITE MARKS and worship by ari abdul

a/n³: all of the references about the church itself and the reader's experience are taken from my memory directly as i did grow up catholic (i wanted the experience to feel at least somewhat authentic for the introduction) (also, not catholic anymore). does that make it kinda self-indulgent? maybe, but all im saying is that i didnt have a religion kink before writing this piece.

ENJOY YOU DEPRAVED SLUTS

read on ao3

my masterlist

or keep reading down below~

Your relationship with God has been intricate.

You had always been a diligent follower; you recited your prayers, went to church every Sunday, carried a cross around your neck and had at least three of them in your house, at the top of each room’s entrance, for protection. You were baptised and followed all His learnings as you made it into adulthood, all without so much of a complaint. You were the prime example of a textbook follower.

Albeit, growing up in a catholic household — it was the only truth you knew — it was always one you seemed to have been following blindly. You wanted to believe, wanted to love Him — and most days you thought you did — but today, you woke up with the dreadful realisation that your faith had left you.

You tried to pray and felt like an imposter, everything was out of place; the pictures of you at your First Communion seemed to taunt you, the cross hanging from your neck felt heavier, uncomfortable.

Any remaining feeling regarding your religion felt… off.

You thought of going to mass this Sunday to rectify the situation, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that everyone would just know you didn’t belong, that they would sense you as a traitor amongst real followers.

Even if you managed to drag yourself to church then, it was still days away, it wouldn’t make sense to go after waiting for so long; it would lose its purpose.

You would lose your purpose.

Then again, you couldn’t just sit here with this weight, this guilt that you had forsaken your Lord. You had to fix this, to ask for forgiveness for straying away from the rightful path; the only one you knew.

You eventually find the strenght to push yourself to go church in the following hours.

The impressive stone building that you used to look at with admiration and which once brought you an inner sense of peace, now seemed to look down on you. The chime of the bells resonated through you, as if ringing for your final hour, standing minutes away from your judgement.

As if this house of God knew of your sins — of your doubts — and it wouldn’t make it easy on you to absolve yourself of your mistakes.

Oddly enough, the interior was less daunting than its facade; it felt much, much smaller from the inside, as if the exterior was purposely made to make it seem bigger. It was also surprisingly dark considering the multiple stained glass adorning its walls, the colours from them blending between the aisles. Aside from you, there was only one other person you spotted sitting in the first rows, visibly praying.

Perks of visiting in the middle of the week; people were too busy with their lives to pay a visit to the Lord. If you were to fumble this, there would most likely be no witnesses to your shame. This last part, at least, reassured you a little bit.

You thought the hardest step you had to take was the first one you took into the church, but the second your eyes found the confessional booth, standing next to the last row of benches, your feet were stuck to the ground again; undecided between running away in shame or pushing through that first step in the right direction.

You grunted as the battle in your mind raged on.

What am I even doing, you thought to yourself. There’s probably no one in this booth and I’ll wait hours like a fool only to realise that the priest isn’t in today.

And you would be partially right: no one was inside.

But before you could turn on your heels and cower away, a new presence made itself known in the room.

From the corner of your eye, you spied a man — who you recognized as your priest, Father Astarion.

As he walked along the far end aisle, you noticed his usual attire; he wore his all-black tight robe with the white spot at his collar, along with his crucifix hanging from his neck. The rest of him, though, reflected a perfect contrast from his clothing: His curly hair, which was worn back and styled elegantly, arbored a platinum white colour. Almost as white as his skin — so pale he might’ve passed for a corpse — which really brought out his dark eyes.

So dark, you often found yourself getting lost in them during mass. It wasn't rare that you would miss a part of his preaching and would only be brought back to Earth hearing the commotion around you as people grabbed their things to leave.

He just had a way of moving that entranced you to follow him without a second thought. As if his connection to the Lord was even greater than he let on.

He stood tall as he walked leisurely towards the confessional you were aiming for, and you couldn’t help but admire his form. Given, you couldn’t see much as his well-fitted religious attire covered most of him, but you did notice the defined veins trailing right down to his hand resting in front of his figure, hands that bore long and strong fingers. Ones, you imagined, would feel rough against your skin if they were to—

You blink rapidly, shaking your head as you catch yourself before that thought drifts even further, your face flushed red by what you almost envisioned. What still floats around in your mind.

How could you even consider the caress of someone on you in a place so private? This was a man of God, for crying out loud.

As if the reason for your presence here wasn’t enough, here you were, shamelessly fantasising about the very man who would decide if you were worth repenting. Two sins in one day, really? What was wrong with you?

As Father Astarion steps into his side of the booth, vanishing from your vision, your consciousness comes back to you and breaks your frozen spell. You finally walk towards what would be your side of the confessional, stopping right before the threshold.

Why are you still doubting yourself? You’re already here, and the priest already saw you — he probably walked here for you, knowing your intentions. Just go inside, you’ll feel much better afterwards.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, stepping inside and sitting down before closing the door behind you, now waiting for the shade on the other side to greet you.

Seconds might’ve been minutes at this point, your heart was stuck in your throat, anxious at what was to come. He was in there, was he not? You saw him enter, did he not hear you come in? Were you supposed to knock?

When the partition slides back, leaving only a partial faint light passing through the other side, a warm, deep voice greets you.

“Welcome, my child.”

Oh, and his voice. It was already delightful when it echoed between the walls of the church, but up close it’s as if it rippled through you. Almost enough to make you forget to answer back.

“F— Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”

“Tell me, how long has it been since your last confession?”

“A few years. This is my first time since my First Communion, Father,” you answer, your voice softer than usual.

“It is never too late to repent, child. It takes a lot of courage to step into the house of God and ask forgiveness; I commend you for taking the first step in the right direction. Now, what would you like to confess?”

You feel as if you could listen to him talk for hours, his voice soothed you in ways you never experienced before; it quieted down — at least temporarily— the shame that inhabited you.

“I… found myself questioning my faith, Father.”

“And yet here you are, confessing to your priest, at your church.” You think you can hear the smile he bears as he answers you. “It seems to me your faith still lies well alive within you.”

“Yes, the irony isn’t lost on me Father, but…” you sigh, “Doesn’t this make me a sinner? Doubting of His existence, of His word… Am I even worth redeeming?”

“My dear, the fact that you came to me to confess this already shows me you want to believe, our Lord is lenient with His lost souls. Recite your Our Father throughout the week, three times before going to bed, and come to this Sunday's mass.”

“Thank you, Father, I will.”

He doesn’t answer back right away, and it gives you some time to reflect on his answer.

It’s true, if you were a lost cause, you wouldn’t be here begging for the Lord’s forgiveness. You would be taking down the crucifixes in your home, taking down your pictures from your Confirmation, and any other religious signs displaced around your home as you moved away from this life.

Then again, shouldn’t this be what you should be doing? If you doubted your faith in the first place, was this really meant to be your life?

When Father Astarion speaks again, you’re taken back from where your thoughts had drifted.

“Was there anything else weighing on your mind, my child?”

It’s almost as if he had read your mind.

“Yes, actually, I… I must admit this turn of events made me realise I’m not sure I’ve ever, truly believed in the first place… of my own volition.”

“I see.” He pauses briefly, “What did you expect from this confession, my dear?”

You sigh, “I’m not sure… My faith is all I’ve ever known. I don’t know what to do, and now I’m not sure if I’m meant for this life. As if everything I’ve known up to now had been nothing but a lie, and now that the opportunity to move on has made itself possible, I don't even know if I could go for it — if I should.”

You think you see his shadow move from the other side of the confessional, getting closer to the grid. “How does this make you feel?”

“Lost, confused. When I woke up this morning I felt…” you pause, looking for the exact feeling plaguing your mind. “Hollow, as if a part of me had vanished, and I don’t know how to make it right.”

Not a sound from the other side of the partition, and for a moment, you think the man sitting on the other side had been nothing but a fragment of your imagination, taunting you yet again for your drift of faith.

Just as you're about to ask for him, he speaks again.

“Would you like to believe, my child? Would you like me to show you what it means to worship — to devote yourself to a higher entity? To feel whole again?”

His voice had gone an octave lower — as if someone else had replaced the priest who had previously entered the booth — and you felt yourself drawn to it, tempted by the promise of guidance just a few words away.

“Yes, Father.”

“Good. Come back here at midnight, I shall teach you the ways of worship.”

Your heart was already pounding in your chest in anticipation.

—

The day couldn’t have felt any longer than it did. Every moment spent between rushing thoughts of what the night would bring, constantly eyeing the clock as the minutes passed by, doubting if you had even heard the priest right, but the second the clock struck midnight, here you were, back at your church.

It stood as a beacon among the dark street, the only building with a light at its porch, pulling you in like a moth to a flame.

You didn’t expect the doors to open at first; the church was usually closed at this hour, but as you pulled back on them, the doors opened up to you with a creak. When you stepped back in, your senses were struck with the strong aroma of old wood, burning candles, and incense.

You took a few steps forward, examining your surroundings, and noticing how much darker it had become without the colours spraying from the stained glass. Aside from the few candles lighting the side aisles, only one spotlight remained, right over the altar.

You heard a click behind you and when you turned, nothing — or no one — was to be seen. Just in the event that you might’ve imagined the sound, you went back to the door to try and push it, only for it to remain in place.

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

You quickly turn around, startled by Father Astarion's voice greeting you. You can’t see him, and with the echo of the church, his voice felt as if it came from everywhere all at once, almost as if the voice came directly from Heaven.

“Do not be coy, my sweet, little one. Approach the altar.”

How long he had been there, you couldn’t tell, and you didn’t see fit asking — this was his home as much as it was the Lord’s, after all — but he had appeared out of thin air without as much of a sound.

You walk along the main aisle, each step taken with a mix of incertitude and curiosity as you slowly approach him in silence, his person still hidden behind the beam of light.

“I see you already wonderfully apply the concept of obedience, dearest,” he purrs, and you shiver in your white summer dress in response — the nights had been warm but you suddenly find yourself questioning your choice of clothing.

“Are you ready to begin your first lesson?”

There’s this uneasy feeling that inhabits you, telling you to run away from this place, from this man, but you ignore it — he is the voice of reason, and you are but a lost soul looking for guidance.

“Yes, Father,” you find your voice at last, although faint and gentle.

“Come closer, my lost lamb,” he says, more assertively. “Be not afraid, for I will guide you towards the light.”

Your feet move of their own accord as you speak up, “If I may ask, what will be the goal of this lesson?”

“You desire to believe of your own volition, do you not? To be shown the path for you to choose?” You nod. “Then I will show you the reach of our Lord.”

You reach the first step of the altar, where you stop, not daring to approach further.

“Close your eyes, and repeat after me.” And so, you obey, once again. With your eyes closed, you let his voice enrapture you, and you repeat every sentence back to him, both of your voices echoing the prayer between the walls of the church.

Father Astarion,

To you, I deliver my mind,

To mould in His image.

I deliver my body and flesh,

To use in His name.

I deliver my very soul,

To guide me back into His embrace.

I surrender myself to you,

To be reborn anew.

Amen.

“Open your eyes, my little angel.”

Father Astarion had taken a step forward, placing him right under the light that reflected against his platinum hair, creating a halo surrounding him. As he stood right between the statues of the disciples depicted around the altar, he looked like the Lord himself.

All but for one exception.

His eyes.

Not a trick of the light, they were indeed red. A deep, ruby red that shone vividly. In addition to his sharp traits enhanced under the holy light, he looked like a celestial being; an angel.

You step back, unbelieving your eyes fixated on the creature before you, and you remain paralysed. You swear they used to be black–

“I was just like you, little lamb,” he steps towards you. “A lost soul, questioning the Lord’s existence — his word — and I lost my faith. Until I was shown His greatness, and I was guided back into His arms. Redeemed. The Lord has sent me specifically to take care of lost souls like yours. After all, who better to guide you than a fallen angel?”

He stood right in front of you now, his arms open, inviting you in.

“Are you ready to let the Lord enter you — mind, body and soul?”

When the words leave your lips, they're but a whisper.

“Yes, Father.”

The Lord Himself had sent an angel to deliver your punishment; how could you question His power now?

“Good, my little lamb.”

He approaches you, each heavy step taken towards you creating a greater tension in your chest.

“You need only follow my word.” He continues, “Our Lord will absolve you of your sins for as long as you obey.”

He circles behind you and his hands find your bare shoulders, making you gasp at the touch.

They were just as strong as you imagined in your most depraved thoughts, but they were much, much colder.

“You trust me, do you not, my sweet?”

While one of his hands trailed along the side of your shivering arm, he slid a finger under the thin strap of your dress. Your heart beating away in your chest made it only harder to answer back.

“Y– Yes, Father.”

His breath down your neck created a warmth between your legs and a fog in your mind, and when he pushed the strap down your arm, you barely felt it.

When he reached for the zipper in your back and pulled down, you didn’t question it.

When your dress fell down to the floor, revealing your body in its most humble form, you didn't cover yourself back.

“My precious little angel, you are a vision.”

Father Astarion remained behind you where you couldn’t see him as he whispered against your ear, and you wouldn’t move unless he ordered you to. You didn’t want to risk going against his word, not with him so close to you, not with the way his hand had moved to your front and brushed against your breasts ever so lightly, and down your navel. Not with the way his strong fingers felt wrapped around your throat, holding you in place.

When his other hand found your entrance, your knees buckled and a heavy breath left your chest.

“You devilish little thing, you are positively drenched." His raspy voice breathed down your neck, "Has a man ever touched you like this before?"

"No, Father, I- I wouldn't."

"Good girl," he purrs and you can almost feel his lips against your skin. "You keep yourself pure for our Lord, I commend you for your restraint."

His praise had you weak in the knees and warm at your core.

"Have you ever touched yourself?”

“N– No.”

Technically not a lie — you never touched yourself, but on nights where you imagined Father Astarion as close as he was now, it was hard for you to keep your thighs from rubbing together to relieve yourself of the ache that had built up.

“Have you ever thought about a man touching you this way before?”

“I…”

He had to be a mind reader, how else would he have known you were just thinking about this?

Met with your silence, Father Astarion growls in your ear, “Remember that lying is a sin, darling. You wouldn’t want to add another infraction to your holy record, would you?”

You bite your lip, remembering vividly the dreams you had about a priest you knew all too well and how the same fingers entering you now would feel.

“I have, F– Father.”

"Tell me, then, who did you imagine between your legs? Touching you, tasting you...” his tongue traced the side of your ear, earing a breathy moan from you. "Fucking you?"

You can feel your face burning up and your lungs fighting for air, as if Hell had taken place in this very church and the flames of temptation were threatening to swallow you whole for your sins.

“Y— You, Father,” you stutter.

“And you kept this to yourself? You lied to our Lord, to me, by avoiding this confession?” You shut your eyes in shame in answer. “Oh, you are much more depraved than I thought, child. We cannot let this go unpunished.”

You whimper when he removes himself from inside of you and walks back into the spotlight, leaving you with a mess between your legs and a racy heart in your chest.

“If you wish to be absolved, approach the altar.”

His change of tone instilled fear in each of your steps forward, but you advanced nonetheless.

“Bend over,” he ordered.

You do as you're told, hissing as your sinfully warmed up skin gets in contact with the cool marble surface of the altar. You were barely tall enough to fit on the high table, your hands grabbing onto the ledge for balance.

“You will recite the Our Father just as I instructed you, and you will do so without as much as a whine. Am I understood?” You nod. “Speak up, sinner.” “Yes, Father,” you answer, your voice already shaking.

“Good.” His feet push apart your legs, leaving you fully exposed and on your tiptoes, now relying completely on your arms for support. “Proceed.”

You take a deep breath and begin, “Our Father, who art in heaven– AH!”

You jump at the sudden contact of his hand over your sensitive skin.

“Start. Over.”

You gulp. “Our Father, who art in heaven, haa— hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom c– COME!” You scream as you receive this last spank, stronger than the previous one.

He groans, “Again.”

“Please, I can’t—” you sob, the pain from his spanking breaking not only your body, but your spirit.

“Do you enjoy this?” He spanks you again, harder. “The sting of my hand against your skin?” And again. “The tears building up in your eyes?” And again. “Answer!”

“No!” You cry out. “Please, I beg you — mercy, Father please,” you plead, and plead, your voice drowned out by your sobbing.

“This is what you deserve for straying away from the rightful path, little lamb.” You arch your back as his hand grabs onto the base of your hair and pulls back. “Are you not willing to take your punishment, like a good little follower?”

“Please,” you keep begging. “I’ll do anything Father, anything but this, I beg you—”

Your legs shake from the pain, knees buckling, and your arms fighting for dear life to hold on to the altar, which had been warmed up by your skin.

“If you are unwilling to receive your rightful punishment, we will need to reshape your will, little one.”

At last, he releases your hair from his grasp and you collapse to your knees with a cry as both your arms and legs give out.

With your face down panting, you don't even notice one of your hands still desperately holding onto the edge of the altar.

“I can show you a new path,” Father Astarion continues, his voice kinder than before. “One of pleasure and devotion.”

You jump when his hand touches you again, this time with a surprising gentleness that you find yourself leaning into as he strokes your wet cheek.

“Another way for you to repent, so you may be absolved of your sins; by proving your faithfulness to me.”

His thumb wipes away the last tear that fell from your eyes, before lifting your chin up to him.

“You want to be known, to be tasted — I can offer you that. All you need to do is offer yourself to me. Do you wish to be mine, little angel?”

“Yes, Father,” you breathe out. “More than anything in the world.”

He blinks once softly and a smile appears on his thin lips.

“Then you shall be mine, as I shall be yours. For as long as you'll be on your knees for me, God will absolve you of your sins.”

His hand leaves your chin and you watch him as he sucks on the same thumb that erased your tears, before tracing a cross over your forehead with it, and you close your eyes basking in his tender touch.

“You will experience our Lord's presence inside of you in ways you have never experienced before. You will relinquish yourself to me and worship me without second thoughts. You will never feel hollow, ever again, little love.”

When you open your eyes again, the holy light surrounding him almost blinded you with how much brighter it felt now that you were on your knees, under him.

“You will show me the same devotion you would God, as you’ll now refer to me as Lord.” Your Saint, your fallen angel, you Lord; you would worship the very ground he walked on, and spend the rest of your life repenting at his feet, as he was proof of a faith you dared to doubt in the first place.

The words leave your parted lips effortlessly, “Yes, my Lord.”

As he grins, you notice the sharp fangs in the corner of his mouth and finally see him for what he really is.

A wolf in sheep's clothing.

A devil in the house of God.

Your unholy punishment.

One that you accept as he dives his fangs into the crook of your neck, surrendering yourself to him, to be reborn anew.

Amen.

Thank you for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are very much appreciated <3

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