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proudgodot · 4 years

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Gratitude

I was not initially planning to post about this, given that my unfortunate tendency to over-share has caused me quite a bit of grief in the past, but the truth is that I simply couldn’t resist this time. Typically when I am overcome by an uncontrollable desire to post it is because I am desperately in need of attention or validation, so much so that I can’t actually remember a time when I posted because I was genuinely eager to share something. It was always out of some perverse and misplaced sense of obligation, but it finally feels as if that burden is lifted. While I was writing this post, it was because I felt a genuine…. pride over something I had accomplished, something I genuinely wanted to share with the world. When I chose the name of this blog I didn’t earnestly expect that I would ever feel anything other than shame about myself… it seemed more an ideal than an actual plausible prediction. I’m just so relieved my wish came true.

Anyway, I suppose that is quite enough navel-gazing for the time being… I can only imagine my followers have probably had enough of that to last a long and fulfilling lifetime. I reckon it’s time to move on to the actual story.

As most of you well know, following the dramatic events of the Kristahlia drama, I suddenly found myself with the new responsibility of parenthood. There are certainly aspects of my new lifestyle that have been difficult to adjust to… principle of which is that I am supposed to serve as a sort of role model for these developing and damaged boys. I have never been particularly aspirational, in fact you would be hard-pressed to find someone as underperforming as me. Although I was prone to overcompensating for such things, always desperately trying to prove that I was capable of as much as the bare minimum, looking back I see that I grew too comfortable with those low expectations. When it registered that as a caretaker I would suddenly have to perform a sort of excellence, not for the sake of my fragile ego but for the betterment of these children… I was immediately overcome by a painful inadequacy. However, as our first week together progressed, I came to realize that in certain regards all of us were personally inadequate, and it was for that very reason we had taken on this responsibility together. Although I certainly had my short-comings, that wasn’t something unique to me, and over time we all began to coordinate better and help manage each other’s weaknesses. I was somewhat surprised to learn this was not only true of the adults, but the children as well. The dynamic we developed as a family was rather symbiotic… I found that regardless of age we all had something to offer each other.

Regardless, I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to keep my found family as distant as possible from my most severe personal issues. My past was something I felt I had to resolve independently, no matter how tempting it was to once again depend on the people in my life to solve my problems in my stead. That is why when I made the decision to start looking into Anton’s whereabouts, I never spoke a word about it to my housemates.

Facebook made finding his account incredibly easy, distressingly so in fact. I became acutely aware of the possibility that he might have been recommended my account numerous times over the years and had consciously chosen not to send me a friend request, which although completely understandable still hurt immensely to imagine. Perhaps my hopelessly romantic dream to reconnect with the man was unrequited, and would be rejected with extreme prejudice if vocalized. Eventually, however, I managed to muster up the courage to actually inspect his profile. I discovered that after our quarrel six years ago and his subsequent transferral Anton had moved back to his hometown in Ann Arbor to complete his degree in art and design. Since graduating, he had been working as a freelance artist and animator… he often posted about how proud of his projects he was, and it was reassuring to see his enthusiasm had not diminished in the slightest over the years. One detail about his profile that immediately jumped out at me was his relationship status, which was currently set to single. Despite myself, I immediately felt a small flicker of hope ignite within my quickened heart. Upon further investigation, it appeared he’d been involved in several relationships over the years that had ultimately ended in failure, although the circumstances were unclear. I only hoped he hadn’t made a habit of dating unappreciative losers…

I managed to quell my anxiety briefly and force myself to send him a friend request, which almost immediately filled me with a sense of mounting dread. My anticipation wasn’t even allowed much time to simmer, because mere minutes after I sent the message I was notified that it had been accepted. Instinctively, I slammed my laptop shut and jumped out of my seat, forgetting that I was incapable of standing up so quickly without losing all feeling in my legs and face planting into the floor. I instantly regretted not taking Addy’s advice and getting that checked by a doctor, because soon enough the entire family was in my room gathered around my body and asking questions with varying degrees of concern and amusement. Although I had wanted to keep my activity a secret, at that moment I was swept away in the drama, and so I began to mindlessly rant about the situation.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but soon enough there were six pairs of hands all frantically scrambling for control of my keyboard. While I laid incapacitated on the floor, my friends had taken it upon themselves to respond to Anton’s messages, each expressing their own thoughts from my account in randomly alternating orders depending on who had managed to prevail in the wrestling. It seemed that Iara maintained the upper hand most of the fight, although it was admittedly difficult to tell over the frenzy at times considering my limited view from the floor.

Eventually, the chaos subsided and everyone turned to look at me with beaming smiles on their faces, some more devious than others. I immediately began to worry that they had sabotaged me somehow, be it in light-hearted jest or in an earnest act of betrayal, and so I asked them nervously what exactly they had done. For a moment it seemed they were trying to contain their excitement, but it didn’t take long for them to erupted into an uproarious celebration, complete with victorious chants that Anton was coming to meet us in person this evening!

I didn’t know how to react. All at once a tempest of conflicting emotions completely overpowered me… and I mean that quite literally. I knocked out cold, and when I finally woke up I discovered that not only had Kyler been trying to shock me awake by applying Takis to my tongue, but that the situation had not miraculously resolved itself. Although everyone else had mostly settled down, my mind was whirling a mile a minute with all of the things I had to do to prepare. I had a whole bucket list I needed to accomplish before I was comfortable standing in front of Anton again… and as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn’t possibly get everything done myself over such a brief time. To my surprise, I didn’t even have a chance to put my reservations aside before they had already agreed to help me based off of my panicked listing of errands alone. Despite my reluctance to involve my new friends in the more turbulent aspects of personal life, it seemed they were actually eager to get involved themselves… I discovered that my problems were not an inconvenience to them, but rather something they were excited to help me work through.

The first obstacle I had to overcome was also the hardest… that being that I had never properly apologized to Gabriella and Lana for my dishonest and frankly abusive treatment. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t have the words to express my remorse or that I hadn’t processed my guilt, but that Gabriella’s parting words to me specifically informed me not to contact her and I didn’t want to once again disrespect her wishes. However, after some words of encouragement from the family, I managed to write a relatively concise three thousand word email taking responsibility for my past actions and wishing the couple well. As I was writing this post, I actually received a response from the two telling me they appreciated my apology and were glad to see I had grown into a more mature person. Apparently they have just finished settling into their cottage and are now doing better than ever. Lana even expressed an interest in meeting Addy and Iara in particular sometime… I suppose it’s a sapphic thing. I’m just glad that they’re finally living the happy life they deserve without being held back by backwards men.

My email took longer to type then I had expected, and although I certainly can not regret pouring my heart into the message given its importance, it did mean that we had to pick up the pace with the rest of the bucket list. Kyler took this quite literally, speeding at what must have been 100 miles per hour towards the mall despite nearly giving me a heart attack and my insistence that he not set such a bad example for Chris and Klav. We actually ended up getting pulled over, but luckily Iara managed to scare the officer away with her signature scowl. The next few hours were a frantic rush of errands, all focused on helping me actually express myself without the burden of repression. There were moments when it was a struggle, such as when I nearly hyperventilated in Claire’s before they pierced my ears, but ultimately I am immensely satisfied with the results. The most fulfilling moment was finally getting the tips of my hair bleached white to match my new profile picture. Chris actually got his hair dyed alongside me, changing his style from pale blond to black and white to reflect his new kin. It was incredibly rewarding to accomplish this alongside him… I had never been the subject of anything but disappointment from my parents, so it was an incredible feeling to be able to experience that absent parental pride for myself, even if it was with a different perspective.

By the time Anton was forecasted to arrive, my appearance had been upgraded to better reflect my current sense of self… all that was left was for me to get in the right mindset. Luckily, my family was perfectly eager to act as my own personal “hype beasts,” as Kyler put it. They offered excellent emotional support in the half-hour we sat in the den patiently awaiting his arrival, especially Addy, who really took my mind off things by offering to play me in a game of chess. I lost quite handedly, but for once I don’t have it in me to be a spoilsport. When we heard that fateful knock at the door, they all immediately ran into the nearest closest and shut themselves inside to give us some space, but not before giving me a final set of encouraging thumbs up. I hesitated for a moment, questioning once again whether I was really ready to take such a big step in my life. My hand paused, hovering over the door knob uncertainly… until I heard the faint sounds of Steely Dan’s Come on Eileen coming from inside the closet, accompanied by the muffled sound of Klav’s giggle. Reignited by the familiar sounds of my favorite musicians, I swung the door open with a new and uncharacteristic conviction.

And there he was… I was immediately captivated by just how strong his presence was. My memories hadn’t done him justice… it really was like I was in the presence of an angel. I was comforted by certain familiar aspects of his appearance, such as his golden brown eyes that glistened like stars, his long curly hair with its comforting strawberry aroma, and his signature checkered scarf that he had been consistently wearing for almost decade now… but what really excited me were those new features. Normally I am turned off by change, but I was positively breathless as soon as my eyes wandered to the golden butterfly tattoo on his exposed shoulder. I felt as if I was going to faint for a second time in one day.

I couldn’t find the words to express the depths of my emotion no matter how hard I searched my impassioned soul... there were no words strong enough. Instead I just cried, and wordlessly he accepted me into his arms… just like he had on that life-changing night all those years ago. I finally told him everything I had so obstinately refused to say during college… that I was gay, that I was in love with him, and that I was sorry. Although I was openly weeping, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relieved in my life.

Eventually, he managed to pacify me… and so I was able to explain to him the entire story of the Kristahlia drama. It was difficult to explain that I had managed to go from discoursing with these teenage kinnies to adopting them, but he was as understanding as he ever was. He was so excited to meet my family that he even brought his cat Apple all the way from Michigan just to introduce her to them. I don’t think I have ever mentioned this publicly, but when Krissy died I had to take her dog Diogenes in myself, and I was surprised to find that the two animals got along perfectly. It really did feel like the entire house was accepting him... it was as if this was meant to be.

Since Anton had gone to all the trouble of making the ten hour drive to Iowa, he suggested that we might as well all hang out together in Cedar Rapids over the weekend. I suppose it’s a date... I must say that I am looking forward to it, as are the others. I know I didn’t deserve to be accepted by him again just because I spent a few hours shedding tears and profusely apologizing, but for once I don’t feel guilty that I have received something I don’t deserve. I just feel... an overwhelming gratitude for the opportunity.

I am certainly still inexperienced at this whole family business and have accepted that I will inevitably make some mistakes in the future, but I don’t think I’ve done too poorly for a first week, if I do say so myself. I am truly grateful to all the people in my life who have supported me through my journey, who have taught me that it is possible to rely on others without being a parasite and to be relied on without shouldering the entire burden.

To my partners, my friends, my children, and my love... from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

#sincerely adam

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mbti-notes · 5 years

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Do you have an opinion on the affects of social media on developing cognitive functions, specifically teenagers? I am asking with regard to navigating my son's adolescence. He is 16 and while the last few years have been more turbulent than previous years (with no doubt more to come) I think the road has been made substantially smoother as a direct result of me being able to access your blog, thank you. I don't feel inclined to limit his social media use, it's a part of life now, but it would be

[con’t: helpful to have some signs to look out for. I originally typed my son as Si dom with T preference and was trying to encourage his Te but now I’m thinking he’s more like INTP so I’ve changed my strategy to keep an open mind (and develop the patience of a saint LOL) and help him make the right decisions for himself. He has become more reckless and scattered lately with high value placed on acceptance from friends. Could this be Ne or does social media have a larger influence?]

I’m glad that you find the blog helpful and I admire your devotion to parenting. You raise a lot of interesting issues, though I may not be the best person to ask since I tend to have a negative opinion of social media. Parenting teenagers requires walking a very, very fine line between giving them enough guidance to avoid bad decision making vs giving them enough freedom to learn proper independence. It’s a very hard job. Sometimes, the only way to know that you’ve veered too far one way or the other is by making the mistake and then adjusting your approach - lots of trial and error. Every kid is an individual, so what works for one kid won’t necessarily work for another. Being able to adapt to their needs is the key point. It’s art more than science.

Everything has its positive and its negative side. Human beings tend to be short-sighted and easily rationalize bad decision making. When they really want to do something, they are much more likely to envision the benefits of doing it and this then blinds them to the costs. To be a good parent, I think it’s important to teach children how to recognize negative consequences and navigate them more intelligently (i.e. objective assessment of pros and cons that produces rational decision making). However, this is only possible if parents themselves are capable of it. You can’t expect kids to learn how to do something well without someone to teach them or model it for them. Unfortunately, I know plenty of adults of all ages who misuse social media just as badly as their kids. Kids learn predominantly through example, so you have to be the first one to follow the rules that you set. If you don’t follow any rules yourself, they won’t see the point in following any, either. For example, if all they see of you is your nose in your device, why would they put theirs down?

I don’t believe in banning kids from social media, but I do think it’s a good idea to be smart in limiting its usage. Social media shouldn’t be a substitute for real and meaningful human interaction, it shouldn’t take up so much time that important things get neglected, it shouldn’t interfere with maintaining good physical and mental health, and it shouldn’t be used as an escape. Teenagers become harder and harder to supervise as they get older because they increasingly have their own life going on. At a certain point, there’s no imposing rules on them because violating their autonomy only leads to rebellion.

A better strategy is to sit down with them to talk about the importance of using social media in HEALTHY ways, talk about why limits are necessary to avoid the negative/unhealthy aspects of it, and negotiate with them to come up with sensible limits that both of you can live with. If YOU also spend too much time on social media, then it’s even better to join them in adhering to those limits, to model the behavior that you expect from them and give them the feeling of being in it together. When you place limits on one aspect of life, it’s a good idea to expand yourself in other ways so as to minimize the feeling of “missing out”. For example, if you use social media for social connection, then compensate for limiting social media by making more effort to go out and join interesting social activities. Putting limits on fun means increasing boredom, so make sure that the boredom is addressed with a healthier option.

Social media is relatively new, so there isn’t a big enough body of research about its hidden effects or underlying costs. The few studies that have been done about social media mostly seem to suggest that misuse/overuse has very detrimental effects on psychological well-being. The spread of misinformation is a big problem (i.e. it makes people stupid). Cyber-bulling and violation of privacy are big problems. When you are so plugged in to other people’s lives, it’s hard not to engage in social comparison, and this often results in negative self-appraisals that diminish self-regard. This is particularly destructive for teenagers because they haven’t yet developed a very strong sense of self and are very likely to use other people’s judgment as a barometer of their own self-worth. Adolescence is usually the time that people start to grapple with level 2 ego development. It’s important for teenagers to learn how to socialize well and fit in with others, but it’s also important for them to learn the dangers of choosing the wrong socializing methods.

People at level 2 ego development are very prone to: experiencing shame/anxiety/depression via negative social comparisons, blindly following the ingroup (and rejecting the outgroup), and sacrificing self-care as they succumb to peer pressure. Helping them is not a matter of trying to stop them from doing these things, because you can’t, since doing these things is a natural part of that stage of development. What you can do is offer them guidance about self-care and help them think more critically about the best ways to handle peer pressure (i.e. give them options/strategies for working through real situations), in hopes that they’ll learn how to make better decisions. In the event that they make a bad decision, review the mistake with them. Reflect with them to figure out what went wrong and work with them to brainstorm ideas for how to avoid the same mistake in the future. Ask them what they could’ve done differently (this encourages N development). The PAIN of making mistakes is an efficient way to learn, which means that you shouldn’t be in there “helping” to the point that they don’t feel the pain of their mistakes.

Discipline is necessary for giving kids a sense of structure. To internalize a sense of structure is to possess a mental framework for making good decisions (usually requires developing the judging functions). At the very least, a child should have their parent’s way of critical thinking at hand whenever they aren’t able to solve a problem entirely on their own (i.e. “what would mom/dad advise me to do?”). Always be transparent, fair, and consistent in how you punish kids by explaining your decision, why it’s necessary, and what lesson it’s meant to teach them (e.g. self-care, intelligence, respect, patience, etc). This makes it more likely that they eventually internalize your moral lessons and learn to use them even when you’re not present. If you punish unfairly or disproportionately, if you’re a hypocrite, or if you’re inconsistent with punishments, you risk losing their respect, which, in their mind, means that they no longer have to listen to you.

Unfortunately, some kids don’t learn well the first time around and you have to discipline them to get the point across. You can develop a punishment scale that begins with a mild punishment for the first mistake and then increase the severity of the punishment for every instance of repeating the mistake. While I admire your patience, I’m sure you know that laissez faire parenting also has its problems. Overly permissive parents run the risk of losing their child’s respect because it’s easy to fall into the trap of devaluing your own needs whenever the child tests your rules and boundaries, and they will absolutely trample your boundaries if you give the impression of not having any. When you devalue your position of authority in the relationship, you encourage kids to do the same, and then you become a mere source of food or money and nothing else to them. This also enables them to be narcissistic in their approach to others.

I’m not sure how good you are at communicating, just in case it’s needed, I’ll continue on to say that I believe that one of the most important elements of parenting is establishing a strong sense of trust. If your kid trusts you, they’ll feel more confident about making independent decisions because they know that you’re there to help them should they need it, and sometimes it’s enough that you’re with them “spiritually” in their memory of lessons learned. The best way to build trust is to keep the lines of communications open. Good communication isn’t about trying to pry information or performing the role of judge jury and executioner. People, let alone teenagers, won’t want to communicate with you if they suspect that all you’re doing is judging them or just looking for an excuse to criticize them (and teens likely get enough of this from their peers).

Communication should come from the heart, use inquiry and sharing of feelings to show that you genuinely care about what’s going on with them. Good communication should work both ways: listen to each other carefully, be transparent about your motives, be honest about how you feel and what you need, negotiate compromises, and respect each other’s individual autonomy. You should model the kind of respect that you want them to give to you (I can’t count the number of times that I’ve seen parents trying to teach their kids to be more respectful… by shouting at them angrily). When they are out of line, remain calm, hear what they’re feeling (validation), then explain to them that you/people are more likely to take them seriously when they express their feelings maturely. Give them an example sentence of how to express feelings or requests respectfully.

Teenagers are emotional creatures, they live in the emotions of now and don’t respond well to appeals to the future. This can’t be helped because it’s part of adolescent brain development, so give them some leeway to get their feelings out, but use the chance to teach better communication methods. Sometimes it’s necessary to give them cooling off time before instigating a serious discussion. Recklessness is usually rooted in emotion. Some kids are reckless out of boredom, some out of anxiety, etc. Try to identify the underlying emotion that’s motivating the problem and then you’ll have a better chance of coming up with a good solution. For example, if boredom (or excess energy) is the motivation, then enroll them in productive activities to fill up their time. If anxiety is the motivation, then they need to learn better emotional management skills, perhaps get them a bit of light counseling on the topic from school or a local community organization.

An important part of establishing trust that is often overlooked is the notion of equality. A parent-child relationship is naturally unequal in power, but it doesn’t have to be excessively and unnecessarily unequal. There are a lot of different kinds of communication, since people communicate with different intents/purposes depending on the circumstances. More often than not, parents only talk to their kids in “parent mode” of ordering them around, interrogating them, or criticizing them. If this is the only mode that kids get to see from you, then they will view you as an authoritarian and their approach to you will be rooted in fear of punishment and the desire for escape. This makes it very difficult for them to trust you because you’ve taught them that your role is to supervise and discipline and nothing else, which means that everything they do will be as far away from your watchful warden eyes as possible.

There’s no avoiding “parent mode” as a parent. However, you can avoid making that the ONLY mode. A better strategy is to pick your battles wisely so that you use parent mode as sparingly as possible, especially with teenagers that are always pressing you for more freedom. But if you’re not using parent mode, then you have to know how to communicate with them in other modes, otherwise, communication tends to dry up quickly. To build trust, do more activities with them and spend more time talking to them in a way that establishes both of you as persons on equal footing. To be clear, I’m not talking about the cliche of being friends with your kids; I believe that you should maintain the position of parental authority until they reach adulthood. I’m talking about communicating heart-to-heart so that they get to know who you are outside of your parental role. Be more willing to share your feelings with them such that they feel encouraged to share theirs with you. Within reason, share with them what’s on your mind and let them in on what’s happening in your private world. You don’t want to let them in completely, however, because you still need to command enough respect to have some authority over them. Talk about problems you’ve encountered or struggled with and how you felt about them, but also talk about what you did to resolve them, which gives them good examples to learn from.

Rebellion is a natural reaction to feeling excessively restricted, and it’s natural for teenagers to feel restricted regardless of whether you are objectively restricting them, because their main preoccupation is independence. Children tend to project their psychological problems onto their parents, and you can make it harder for them to demonize you by humanizing yourself enough for them to empathize with your experience. By communicating in heart-to-heart mode more often than in listen-and-obey mode, they learn that the relationship between you matters in its quality of love and care, not just in whether they follow your rules. When you successfully establish a sense of mutual appreciation for each other, they learn to see you as a person with your own needs and desires, and then they’ll have less desire to rebel against you. If your kid understands that your “parent mode” is just one part of you but that the greater part of you is a fellow human, then their rebellion is likely to take a softer, more respectful form. As a result of trust and good communication, they are more likely to consider negotiating with you first before running off to do something dumb just to spite you. Let them know that you’re always open to calm and sensible negotiations/compromises because it gives them the sense of having some say in the matter. As you gradually “equalize” the relationship through heart-to-heart communication, it’s then easier to transition into an adulthood friendship with them in the future.

From the child’s perspective, I distinctly remember when my parents switched modes with me, perhaps you can recall your experience as well. My mother had a strict rule of never involving kids in adult affairs, ever. Both of my parents come from big families and they all grew up together in a small town (11 siblings between them), so there was always lots of drama going on behind the scenes, but my brother and I were completely oblivious to it growing up. My parents were quite stoic with us and we never really knew what they were thinking, so the relationships were often quite strained because communication was virtually non-existent.

You can imagine my shock when, one day, in my twenties, I was just minding my own business as usual and mom comes into the room and complains about this or that relative. She proceeds to tell me the entire 20+ year backstory of their horrible relationship. I thought she had gone mad for spilling all this shocking info to me out of the blue. Signs of early onset dementia already? But then I realized that this was a role change. I was no longer the kid who had to be kept in the dark. I was now a person who was worthy of being treated as a confidant and even someone smart enough to seek advice from. It was a bittersweet moment. Sweet because, starting in adolescence, people hanker to be treated as an adult by their parents. Bitter because she had decisively given up her authoritarian role and now I had absolutely no cause to keep rebelling against her, lol. The point is, she could’ve given up her authoritarian role more gradually by easing me into the role change in mid-to-late adolescence. We wasted many years being at odds with each other because she couldn’t recognize the ways that I had matured. And some parents aren’t flexible enough to ever make the switch.

In the end, you can only do your best. If I had to come up with a motto about parenting it would be that “Attention is love”. Just be attentive and respond to what’s important to them. Teens appreciate your care even when they don’t show it or claim to not want it, so long as you respect their emotional needs.

PS: There’s already a parenting title on the resources list about teenagers and social media that might be of help.

#parenting #social media #parent child relationship #ask

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knowledgebaseau · 4 years

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WordPress remains one of the most popular platforms to use to create stunning and effective websites, no matter what the niche. It’s used by businesses and personal bloggers and everyone in between.

It’s popular because it’s relatively simple to use and there are so many plugins, themes and other options available to spruce up your site’s appearance and to expand your website’s functionality.

Let’s take a look at some ways you can optimise your WordPress theme and get the most out of the platform. Optimising your theme will also help increase the overall performance of your website.

#1 – Choose the Right Web Hosting

You site’s hosting can really play a significant role in how well your WordPress website performs on a consistent basis. For example, shared hosting on a cheap hosting plan is not going to be as good as a more expensive dedicated hosting package.

Shared hosting might be fine for the personal blogger, but businesses will want to consider upgrading to dedicated WordPress hosting to make the most of their website’s performance. Dedicated hosting is more stable and secure and generally faster than generic shared hosting.

Not only is the right package important, but so is choosing the best company to host your website with. Opt for a hosting company that has a positive track record, particularly when it comes to hosting WordPress websites.

#2 – Be Sure To Optimise Your Images

Images are one area that can really affect your site speed. A fast loading website is vital in the modern world, as it’s one of the key things Google looks for when ranking websites. Slow websites don’t rank very well. That’s just a fact.

A site filled with large images will be exceptionally slow to load. Every image needs to be optimised for the web, and there are plugins you can install and use that will optimise your images for you. Many of these plugins are free.

A better practice is to ensure images are small files to begin with, as the more plugins you add to your WordPress theme, the more they can slow down your site or even cause glitches and conflicts.

#3 – Add a WordPress Cache Plugin To Your Theme

This particular type of plugin has been designed to boost the overall speed of your WordPress website. It achieves this by caching information, which then allows your website to load pages by skipping some steps in the process. The result is a faster loading website that pleases both visitors and the search engines.

There are quite a few caching plugins available for WordPress and many of them are free. Be sure to check compatibility with your current them and also take note of how many downloads and positive reviews the caching plugin has received before downloading and installing it on your website.

#4 – Keep the Number Of Plugins To a Minimum

The real beauty of WordPress is that there are so many plugins available to build out your website and add functionality to it. While this is indeed a good thing, it’s also common knowledge that too many plugins can have a negative impact on your site’s overall performance, as hinted at earlier.

It can really depend on the type of plugins that you have installed, what the optimum amount is. As a general rule though, try and keep your plugins to a maximum of 5 to be sure of consistent site speed and to reduce the chance of glitches and conflicts.

#5 – Don’t Embed Too Many Videos

While videos are one of the most consumed types of media on the internet today, embedding too many within your website can once again affect your site’s performance, most notably page loading speed.

If you have videos uploaded to a platform such as YouTube, or you want to reference the videos of others, rather than embed them, simply take a screenshot of the video thumbnail and link out to it. This saves using up your own website’s resources and your page loading speed won’t be affected.

This is not to say that you can’t embed any videos at all, but strive to keep those to a minimum and mostly link out to videos instead.

#6 – Eliminate Spam From Your Site Comments

All websites are going to be prone to receiving loads of spam comments, usually from bots. Too many spam comments, even if they haven’t been approved to show on your posts, can consume site resources.

The best way to combat this is to install a plugin that fights spam, such as the Akismet plugin, for example. There are actually quite a few spam buster plugins out there and, once again, many are free to download and use.

#7 – Give Some Thought To The WordPress Theme You Choose

You want a theme that’s light and well-optimised for a user-friendly experience and a theme that the SERPs will favour.

Some themes are so full of extraneous options and plugins, that they really are sluggish to load once your website is live on the web.

Less is more, or simple is best when it comes to choosing a WordPress theme.

Often it’s in your best interests to go for the paid version of a theme rather than the free version, as you get support with these themes and they are usually more highly optimised for functionality, speed and stability.

#8 – Pay Close Attention To Your Homepage

Your website’s homepage is going to be the first port of call for many of your website’s visitors. It’s also going to be the most linked to page on your site.

Your homepage not only needs to look good, be informative and easy to navigate, it also needs to load quickly. If it takes forever to load when a visitor lands on it, say goodbye to that visitor in most instances.

The Wrap

A well-optimised WordPress theme and website leads to both a fantastic experience for your visitors and will also find favour with the search engines. Be sure to always be optimising your theme for best results.

The post 8 Steps To Optimising Your WordPress Theme appeared first on WebsiteStrategies.

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websitestrategis · 4 years

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8 Steps To Optimising Your WordPress Theme

Let’s take a look at some ways you can optimise your WordPress theme and get the most out of the platform. Optimising your theme will also help increase the overall performance of your website.

#1 – Choose the Right Web Hosting

#2 – Be Sure To Optimise Your Images

A better practice is to ensure images are small files to begin with, as the more plugins you add to your WordPress theme, the more they can slow down your site or even cause glitches and conflicts.

#3 – Add a WordPress Cache Plugin To Your Theme

#4 – Keep the Number Of Plugins To a Minimum

#5 – Don’t Embed Too Many Videos

This is not to say that you can’t embed any videos at all, but strive to keep those to a minimum and mostly link out to videos instead.

#6 – Eliminate Spam From Your Site Comments

#7 – Give Some Thought To The WordPress Theme You Choose

You want a theme that’s light and well-optimised for a user-friendly experience and a theme that the SERPs will favour.

Some themes are so full of extraneous options and plugins, that they really are sluggish to load once your website is live on the web.

Less is more, or simple is best when it comes to choosing a WordPress theme.

#8 – Pay Close Attention To Your Homepage

Your website’s homepage is going to be the first port of call for many of your website’s visitors. It’s also going to be the most linked to page on your site.

The Wrap

The post 8 Steps To Optimising Your WordPress Theme appeared first on WebsiteStrategies.

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globalpeacefoundationindia · 4 years

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Why Women from marginalized communities more prone to gender-based violence?

Marginalization is the powerlessness and outlaw by a group who experienced, resulting from inequality of control of resources and power structures within society. Feminism argues that women are marginalized due to patriarchal society. Most of the women faced numerous disputes and chaotic problems in India. It also looks at the negative impacts that marginalization has caused on the victims of domestic violence.

Gender-based violence undermines the health, dignity, security and autonomy of its victims, yet it remains shrouded in a culture of silence. Victims of violence can suffer sexual and reproductive health consequences, including forced and unwanted pregnancies, unsafe abortions, traumatic fistula, sexually transmitted infections including HIV, and even death.

India's caste system, the Dalits are traditionally regarded as the lowest of the low. Seen as "unclean," they are considered untouchable by the higher castes.

DOUBLE MARGINALIZED

The girls and women in India are born with a disadvantage itself ,ie , of being a girl, and on top of it if they tend to be of the lower caste life is nearly miserable for them . The people of India are too much concerned about caste and creed but unfortunately forget it when a girl of lower caste is raped by them .

No woman is safe but in talks of the normal realms upper caste women are a little safer than those belonging to the lower class .

Untouchability is a major issue which has created numerous discrimination between the people . The lower class women are much more likely to be seen to be the victims of the gang rape cases by the upper caste men ,caste society is inherently violent in nature, and when it comes to Dalit women, the violence perpetrated on them is the most brutal.

Hathras gang rape

The country's 2011 census, the latest available, states that just over 16 percent of India's population are Dalits -- making up roughly 200 million people. According to India's National Crime Records Bureau, more than four Dalit women are raped every day in India. The NRCB's 2014 statistics say crime against Dalits rose 19%. In many of the cases, these crimes are committed by upper caste perpetrators.

Garhi, a tiny village near Hathras in Uttar Pradesh, marks a new phase in the eventful history of rape-as-caste-atrocity in the 21st century. The idea of the caste atrocity is itself a product of the last quarter of the 20th century.

So now we have some interviews from the Dalit women what they go through and have a brief knowledge of what life they live.

1. Rajbala, 28

"I wish I wasn't born as a Dalit woman. We are the easiest targets for any sexual or physical abuse in our society."

2.Meera Devi, 26

"Upper caste men give us names which are both abusive and derogatory. I wish I could change this practice. We do not want to work under the upper caste people and compromise our dignity. But we are poor. What other options do we have?

3.Jyoti, 24

"Have you heard upper caste girls getting raped in our community? We are poor and powerless. That's why upper caste men rape our girls. They can get away with anything because they have money and power."

4.Seema, 25

"Upper caste men make fun of us. They think our lives don't matter because we are daughters of poor families. They always look at us with lustful eyes."

Woman’ in India is not a homogeneous category; it is marked with differences in health status, educational attainments, economic performance as measured by human Dalit Women in India: At the Crossroads of Gender, Caste, and Class 2015 development indicators, particularly in the case of women belonging to Scheduled Castes (Dalits)1 and Scheduled Tribes and Muslims. As we shall see in subsequent sections, the rate of progress in human development indicators, is significantly lower for Dalit women that it is for women from the upper-caste group. This means that Dalit women have benefited from development less than the rest of the women.

Ineffective laws

Practically speaking the reforms are ineffective because again the people who are giving justice or are in that position , are MEN and of course of the UPPER CLASS . This knowingly or unknowingly redefines marginalization. Due to this the Victims are more Victimized. Social reforms are not intended in Indian as untouchability is the toxic to the Indian mindset.

Indian men’s traditional attitudes have not kept pace with judicial reforms and increasing opportunities for women in the workforce. Although many men are aware of laws about violence against women, knowledge of legislation has not yet succeeded in changing deep-rooted cultural values and sexist norms. Indian society must reshape women’s roles by passing laws that ensure women’s property rights and increase their economic opportunities in the private and public sector alike. Only then will Indian women justly regain full control over their own lives.

- MANYA SHAH

SOURCE:

Hindustan times, Times of India, Wikipedia

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claytonsarah1990 · 4 years

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phynxrizng · 7 years

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DAILY ASTROLOGY REPORTS AND HOROSCOPES FOR 7-5-17

ASTROLOGY TOOLS FREE NATAL CHART REPORT ABOUT CONTACT Astrology Cafe Daily Astrology

DAILY ASTROLOGY TODAY MONTHLY Astrology of Today – Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Jul 4, 2017 by ANNIE LEAVE A COMMENT

The Moon is in Scorpio until 1:07 AM, after which the Moon transits Sagittarius. The Moon is void until 1:07 AM (since 9:34 PM yesterday). The Moon is waxing and in its Waxing Gibbous phase. The First Quarter Moon occurred on June 30th, and a Full Moon will occur in Capricorn on July 9th. Venus spends its first full day in Gemini (Venus transits Gemini July 4-31). Mercury enters Leo today (Mercury transits Leo July 5-25). Times are EDT. Horoscopes Aries

There is good energy related to your home and family life today, dear Aries, but also some restlessness — mixed messages, in other words. You are on the one hand very content and happy with your current position in some areas of your home or family life, and on the other, there can be some concerns, vagueness, or a sense that you don’t have the time to do what you want to do involved. Restlessness can lead to some self-indulgence now, particularly if you are experiencing some discontent and you’re not sure how to deal with it. This can be a time of self-pampering! You might swing from hopefulness to a state of being in limbo or ambivalent now. Because it’s rather easy to get into a state of feeling overwhelmed, to combat this, you might try to focus on small goals one after the other. Keep in mind that people are prone to exaggeration, which shouldn’t always be minimized, but probably best handled with a wait and see attitude.

Taurus

In many ways, you feel quite good about your current projects and daily activities, dear Taurus, but some things are not quite right that can lead to a feeling of restlessness, which in turn can result in mistakes if you’re forced to be in a routine right now. If you’ve taken on too much and find yourself juggling too many things, there can be a sense that you’re overloaded, which of course doesn’t help things. Although solutions may not be readily available, they’re on the horizon, and help is likely to come your way for meeting the demands of your work, projects, and other endeavors. For some of you, a stronger sense of purpose may be what you’re seeking now, and for others, a feeling that your social life or a project is up in the air can leave you feeling that although many things are good, you’re in limbo. Start small and work yourself up to bigger goals for best results if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Gemini

This can be an imaginative and, on many levels, content time for you, dear Gemini, yet something may seem out of place or not quite satisfying when it comes to your practical affairs. Some of your ideas are coming together quite magically. The intangible or spiritual realms are a real part of your daily life right now, and this helps to make you feel more secure and filled. When you’re feeling overwhelmed or undirected, however, try to remember your limits and focus on small, realizable goals to get yourself back on track. Try not to make promises or commitments if you don’t feel confident about fulfilling them, but avoiding small commitments altogether isn’t wise either. In fact, they can help build your confidence and others’ faith in you. Keep in mind that exaggeration and overestimation are potential problem areas today. Risky moves with money or love should be watched. Emotions are up and down so look for something constructive to do to help you stay focused and steady.

Cancer

Today, there can be some restlessness experienced as you feel a change on the horizon, dear Cancer, but you’re not entirely sure of your next step. Many areas of your life are coming together nicely these days, and focusing on these things can be inspiring. You may feel that there is more out there for you, but you may not have a plan of action just yet. One will evolve and develop over the coming weeks, and patience is necessary, but you could feel some discontent as you wait. You may have a battle of wills with a family member or experience a conflict of interest today, seeking some freedom from restrictions. Even so, a good part of you just wants to stay close to home or stick with the familiar, so you may very well remain on the fence despite a desire to learn and experience more of life. Even so, there is a lot to focus on now that leaves you feeling optimistic, and a bit of indecision isn’t going to keep you down for long!

Leo

This is an important time for reassessing various areas of your life before your birthday year begins, dear Leo. Today, you may be assessing certain projects and deciding whether or not they’ve met expectations. In the process, there can be some moodiness, but ultimately, you get to a better place for moving forward with less baggage. If you’ve overexpanded, particularly if you’ve taken on too many personal interests or studies, then some moderation is useful now. Soul-searching is in order, and good energy is with you for doing so. Nebulousness or lack of clarity in your intimate life or regarding support or finances can undermine your enjoyment of personal interests, daily affairs, and relationships, but relationships can be inspiring on other levels. As the day advances and you adjust your thinking, this can be a good time for building your faith. Avoid overthinking and tap into your spiritual or artistic needs for best results now.

Virgo

Some ambiguities in your social life or relationships are likely now, dear Virgo, even though there are many signs that these things are looking up. You can very often find yourself in a supportive role this week, and there can be times when you feel that your concerns and needs are on the back burner. You may be craving more solidity, support, and emotional presence from others, but you might also feel a little suffocated now as you often feel you’re playing a role for others. In truth, you feel good about helping, and you don’t want to stop doing it, it’s just that you can feel a little overlooked from time to time now. Watch for impractical choices today. There can be exaggeration and drama happening now, so wait things out before drawing final conclusions. Risky maneuvers can be attractive but unlikely to pan out. While relationships can be demanding or confusing at times, they can also be inspiring. Follow your impulses to support and help, and aim to take the time you need for yourself when you can.

Libra

Your desire for freedom, independence, and spontaneity clashes from time to time with the pursuit of your work and health goals, dear Libra, particularly if your schedules or routine are often up in the air. This discrepancy is a stronger theme than usual this week. However, a resolution or change is on its way. In fact, you’re likely to find ways of accommodating both drives soon enough, but getting there can feel a little frustrating. It can seem that there are too many unresolvable problems in your life right now so that it makes sense to focus on small, doable projects that keep you feeling positive and on top of things. Avoid focusing too hard on the areas of your life that seem vast or ambiguous. Certainly, work matters are up and down these days, but most of the time rather inspiring. The more you align your activities with a sense of purpose or your spiritual values, the more focused and motivated you become. Watch carefully for expressions of arrogance or exaggeration and drama now, particularly when dealing with superiors, the public, and career matters.

Scorpio

Your desire to have fun, enjoy yourself, and express yourself freely can conflict with the need to revitalize yourself as energy drains, or some form of isolation, seem to keep you from doing what you want to do, dear Scorpio. This is a distinct theme in your life this week and may reach a peak now. Some indecision, ambiguity about your health or plans, or other restrictions can leave you feeling slightly disappointed or unfulfilled. It’s temporary, though, and focusing on small goals then working your way up from there can be useful. This helps you take a break from worrying about the bigger issues. Self-reflect today to get in touch with your true desires, but do so only to the point that it’s helpful. Beyond that, you may need some structure or things to keep your mind busy as you wait for your next step to become clear. You have a lot of things to feel wonderful about at the moment. Forgiveness and compassion can be very healing, whether you’re giving or receiving it.

Sagittarius

You can be craving an escape from your routines or responsibilities this week, dear Sagittarius, and uncertainties in your life, particularly related to home and personal life, can interfere with your enjoyment of other areas of life. Keep in mind that staying put or finding a way out of things will only delay your spiritual growth. They’re also unlikely to be real escapes since they can leave you feeling guilty. Ambiguities related to living arrangments or personal insecurities should be tackled and addressed so that they don’t slow you down with friends, projects, and networking. Watch today for people who are exaggerating or making promises they can’t keep. New ideas or ventures may appear quite doable, but upon closer inspection, are unlikely to pan out. Avoid stretching yourself too thin, and don’t make final conclusions until you’ve reached a state of inner certainty. When it comes to working towards your dreams, start little and then build upon it so that you don’t feel overwhelmed.

Capricorn

Jupiter at the top of your chart encourages confidence in and enjoyment of the pursuit of your goals, taking the lead, and performing well, dear Capricorn. However, as much as you want to fill your responsibilities, there can be distractions and ambiguities in your life from time to time, and prominent this week, that make it difficult to put your best foot forward and tackle your projects wholeheartedly. The influence responsible for this dilemma first came into your life in October, re-emerged at its peak in May, and now forms for the final time. This means you’re closer to resolving matters. Even so today, your feelings can be ambivalent as there is much in your life to feel wonderful about, particularly related to relationships and current projects that inspire you, but on another level, you may have a hard time figuring out how everything ties together cohesively. There can be a vague but nagging desire to get away, to change the pace of your life, or to do something entirely different than you usually do. Talking things through with someone you trust or someone impartial can help return you to a hopeful frame of mind.

Aquarius

Ambiguities in your financial life can interfere with your enjoyment today, dear Aquarius, or your desire for security can clash with the desire to grow, expand, venture forth, and learn new things, making it difficult to settle your mind. There are many things you’re feeling hopeful and happy about, particularly when it comes to your daily routines or your practical affairs. However, you may feel that there’s something not quite right or you can feel overwhelmed without a specific plan of action. The important thing to remember is that even though you likely do need a break from overthinking things, try not to remain in the same place because you can’t make a choice as this can keep you from growing and thriving. Tackle small problems one step at a time to regain your footing. Some see-sawing is likely before you get to a state of balance. Pour some of your energy into supporting and helping others and take your mind off the choices or issues in your life that currently feel vast.

Pisces

You can be feeling some beautiful moments of inspiration now, dear Pisces, but certain ambiguities in your life can interfere with your enjoyment. Your rulers, Jupiter and Neptune, form an awkward aspect today that first occurred in October and then reconvened in May. This is the final aspect of the set which means a resolution to its conflicts is in sight. For now, you may feel a little lost — choices or alternatives seem vast before they fall into place. The desire to escape can be strong today and, in many ways, all week. There may be some exasperation or lack of clarity about a relationship or project to deal with now. Watch for taking risks because you’re bored or feel a lack of direction. Slow down a little, but don’t give up on a particular venture because you don’t know what’s your next step. Instead, focus on small jobs or tasks that keep you busy until motivation returns. Concentrate on expressing yourself creatively. There can be a feeling of flowing with, rather than against, the people around you, which can gently push you forward.

*Remember to read horoscopes for your Ascendant sign and Sun sign. If you don’t know your Ascendant sign and know your birth time, you can look it up here.

If Your Birthday is July 5th, If Today is Your Birthday full horoscope here.

Astrology of Today – The Details: If you’re astrologically inclined and interested in the details of the Astrology of today, here are some of the factors considered in the forecasts (for the astrology of the week, see This Week in Astrology):

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 1:07 am Event: Moon enters Sagittarius Description: The Moon in Sagittarius This is a time for expanding our mind and experience, exploring new pathways, aiming high, and broadening our horizons. It’s not as strong for detail or routine work. There can be restlessness, courage, and spontaneity now.

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 1:07 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Cnj Sag Description: Transiting Moon Entering Sagittarius This is a time for expanding our mind and experience, exploring new pathways, aiming high, and broadening our horizons. It’s not as strong for detail or routine work. There can be restlessness, courage, and spontaneity now.

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 1:37 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Opp Ven Description: Transiting Moon Opposition Transiting Venus There may be emotional epiphanies or displays of affection now. Sentimentality and overindulgence are likely now. Differences in views and feelings with someone can be pronounced and could bother us now. Try to relax and not obsess.

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 6:02 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Qnx Pal Description: Transiting Moon Quincunx Transiting Pallas

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 7:41 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon SSq Plu Description: Transiting Moon SemiSquare Transiting Pluto Deeper feelings emerge suddenly, and possibly in a disruptive way. We may be over-reacting or going to extremes. Wait for the tension to subside before taking action.

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 12:00 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sqq Mar Description: Transiting Moon SesquiSquare Transiting Mars We can overreact and exhibit impatience. However, this can also be a time of self-motivation.

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 8:45 pm Event: Tr-Tr Sun Tri Nep Description: Transiting Sun Trine Transiting Neptune We are more aware of, and sensitive to, the moods and undercurrents around us. We make judgments intuitively and instinctually. Increased spiritual awareness, imagination, and inspiration.

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 10:43 pm Event: Tr-Tr Sun Sqr Jup Description: Transiting Sun Square Transiting Jupiter There can be exaggerated good moods or a tendency to go over the top now. Clashes of ego can occur now.

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 5:32 am Event: Tr-Tr Mer Tri Chi Description: Transiting Mercury Trine Transiting Chiron Listen to your heart. This is a beneficial time to purify your thoughts and body.

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 9:31 am Event: Tr-Tr Mer Sqq Nep Description: Transiting Mercury SesquiSquare Transiting Neptune Overstimulated imagination. Subtle perceptions. Right brain (intuitive) thinking. Confusion. Misperception. Deceit.

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 8:19 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mer Cnj Leo Description: Transiting Mercury Entering Leo Be enthusiastic in your quest for knowledge and proud of your learning abilities. Learning is fun.

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 8:51 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mer Cpl Sat Description: Transiting Mercury ContraParallel Transiting Saturn

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 10:11 am Event: Tr-Tr Ven Pll Ves Description: Transiting Venus Parallel Transiting Vesta

Date & Time: Jul 5 2017 0:19 am Event: Tr-Tr Jup Qnx Nep Description: Transiting Jupiter Quincunx Transiting Neptune This is a time of heightened intuition. Explore the spiritual or artistic side of life. Move beyond prejudice into acceptance of yourself and others.

Strong Signs, Elements, Modes CANCER STRONG Nurturing, protective, tenacious, emotional sensitive, watery, strong roots. Can be overly protective, unwilling to let go, timid, reclusive. SAGITTARIUS STRONG Inspiring, broad vision, enthusiastic, goal seeking, truthful, adventurous. Can be reckless, unrestrained, tactless.

BALANCE OF ELEMENTS

EARTH WEAK There can be a lack of desire, interest, or skills regarding practical affairs. We may not be very much in touch with reality. Difficulties concentrating, grounding ourselves. WATER STRONG We are more compassionate, emotional, and intuitive than usual, and we may react emotionally to situations, possibly at the expense of logic or practicality.

BALANCE OF MODES

CARDINAL STRONG We are ready to take action and to take on challenges, and can become frustrated with stagnant conditions. FIXED WEAK We may be open to change but may not have much follow-through.

LUNAR PHASE: GIBBOUS Moon 135 to 180 degrees ahead of the Sun. We are looking to attach value and meaning to our goals. This is a time for analyzing, questioning, perfecting, and improving.

The following aspects (major only) and positions are at noon (EDT) on July 5th: Note that when an aspect is applying, it has not yet happened but is within orb – it’s pending. When an aspect is separating, it has already happened/perfected and is moving away from the aspect. Depending on the speed of the planet/body involved, the aspect will have perfected–or will perfect–in a matter of hours (often the case with the Moon), days, months, and possibly years in the case of the very slow-moving outer planets and bodies.

Note that the Moon moves at a rate of approximately one degree every 2 hours, so that if an aspect involving the Moon is applying and has an orb of 5 degrees, the aspect will perfect (be exact) in about 10 hours. If the Moon is separating from an aspect with an orb of 2 degrees, it has already formed said aspect approximately 4 hours ago (since the following are positions at noon today, then it would have occurred at about 8 AM today).

**I suggest paying close attention to applying aspects. The energy of the aspect builds as it gets closer to exact. Once an aspect involving inner planets has happened, it’s over. Separating aspects are good to know for context, but in terms of energy that is with us today, applying aspects are most important. (This is the case for daily astrology influences involving inner planets, which pass quickly, and not natal astrology aspects, which are with us for a lifetime).

THE MOON

THE MOON IN SAGITTARIUS This is a time for expanding our mind and experience, exploring new pathways, aiming high, and broadening our horizons. It’s not as strong for detail or routine work. There can be restlessness, courage, and spontaneity now.

6TH DEGREE OF SAGITTARIUS Part of Body: Left femoral artery Sabian Symbol: A game of cricket.

ASPECTS OF THE MOON TRINE MERCURY Orb 6°00′ Separating Our hearts or emotional needs and our minds seem to be cooperating, and we are able to communicate effectively. It’s a good time for publicity, marketing, writing, and studying.

OPPOSITION VENUS Orb 4°39′ Separating We may be attempting to please others and ignoring our own needs, or tending to our own needs and alienating others. We can be feeling needy, looking for love or attention outside of ourselves. Indulgence, dissatisfaction.

TRINE CHIRON Orb 6°31′ Separating There can be new or easy understanding of our feelings and impressions now. We have a greater understanding of, or compassion for, others’ problems. We are more emotionally present and involved.

THE SUN

THE SUN IN CANCER Our attention is turned to our nest – our families, homes, and anything that makes us feel at home, safe, and secure. We take more pride in these things. We are more inclined to nurture and take care of our loved ones and our pet projects.

14TH DEGREE OF CANCER Part of Body: Stomach walls Sabian Symbol: A very old man facing a vast dark space to the northeast.

ASPECTS OF THE SUN CONJUNCTION MARS Orb 6°33′ Applying We are more direct, spontaneous, and impulsive now, but can also be too self-focused and impatient.

SQUARE JUPITER Orb 0°23′ Applying There can be exaggerated good moods or a tendency to go over the top now. Clashes of ego can occur.

TRINE NEPTUNE Orb 0°21′ Applying We are able to see matters, and people, from a perspective that allows for, and finds beauty in, differences. We may be recognizing our more charitable, altruistic, and compassionate urges.

OPPOSITION PLUTO Orb 4°25′ Applying We may be struggling with issues of power and competition. There can be a feeling that external circumstances are undermining our own feeling of powerfulness. Through our encounters and reactions, we may be able to get in touch with our internal motivations.

MERCURY

MERCURY IN CANCER You place importance on communication within the family. Information about your family and its background is also important to you. For instance you may like to collect family photos or study family history. You look after yourself and others by communicating emotional issues.

30TH DEGREE OF CANCER Part of Body: Twelfth thoracic vertebra Sabian Symbol: A daughter of the american revolution.

ASPECTS OF MERCURY SEXTILE VENUS Orb 1°21′ Applying We are sociable, making connections, dipllomatic, and ready to negotiate. Expressions of affection or clarifications of feelings.

SQUARE URANUS Orb 1°09′ Separating Original ideas but perhaps too radical or disorganized, or perceived as such. There can be mental or nervous tension experienced now. Mistakes can be made due to impatience.

TRINE CHIRON Orb 0°30′ Separating We can be more understanding and sympathetic to others now, particularly when it comes to sensitivity with what or how we communicate. We might talk or learn about healing methods.

VENUS

VENUS IN GEMINI You are curious and flirtatious, and enjoy intellectual relationships with exchanges of ideas. Communicating within a relationship is important to you. You can be restless, and sometimes gets bored. You may have many money-making schemes.

1ST DEGREE OF GEMINI Part of Body: Trachea Sabian Symbol: A glass-bottomed boat drifts over under-sea wonders.

ASPECTS OF VENUS SEXTILE CHIRON Orb 1°51′ Separating You are a caring and loving partner. You understand your partner’s struggles.

MARS

MARS IN CANCER We are less likely to move straightforwardly towards our desires now. Our emotional moods especially affect the pursuit of our goals. We are a little more cautious and conservative under this influence, but we will fight for, about, or on behalf of those people and things that are dearest to our heart.

21ST DEGREE OF CANCER Part of Body: Inferior pancreatico-duodenal artery Sabian Symbol: A prima donna singing.

ASPECTS OF MARS OPPOSITION PLUTO Orb 2°08′ Separating We may be looking for the upper hand and resisting others’ control. Resentments come to the surface. Competitive feelings.

JUPITER

JUPITER IN LIBRA You have a strong concern for justice. You are a diplomatic teacher, and express your spiritual values in your relationships.

15TH DEGREE OF LIBRA Part of Body: Right inguinal lymph nodes Sabian Symbol: Circular paths.

ASPECTS OF JUPITER QUINCUNX NEPTUNE Orb 0°02′ Separating You feel a call to serve others perhaps through a profession or through religion. You will need to learn what is reasonable to do for others, and what is over stepping the boundary of your responsibility.

SQUARE PLUTO Orb 4°01′ Applying You will need to learn to have confidence in yourself even when life deals you a few blows. You range from over confident to completely lacking in confidence. The truth lies somewhere in between.

SATURN

SATURN IN SAGITTARIUS Saturn in Sagittarius asks us to take on the responsibility of living according to our personal truths and principles — and to be loyal to these. This is a time for turning a critical eye to those beliefs and principles that don’t accurately reflect our authentic selves. (December 23, 2014, to June 14, 2015, then September 17, 2015, to December 20, 2017)

24TH DEGREE OF SAGITTARIUS Part of Body: Popliteal fossa Sabian Symbol: A bluebird standing at the door of the house.

ASPECTS OF SATURN TRINE URANUS Orb 5°07′ Separating You have a talent for investigation. You look at new ideas and are able then to put them into action. In business you achieve much in your own independent way.

URANUS

URANUS IN ARIES The urge to start fresh, to break free from restrictive attitudes or circumstances, to totally redesign an area of our lives (or even our personalities), and to gain freedom through independence is strong during this cycle. (May 27, 2010, to August 13, 2010, then March 11th, 2011, to May 15, 2018, then November 6, 2018, to March 6, 2019).

29TH DEGREE OF ARIES Part of Body: Auditory canal Sabian Symbol: A celestial choir singing.

NEPTUNE

NEPTUNE IN PISCES A long-term influence in which fantasy, imagination, compassion, and spirituality are in stronger focus. (April 4, 2011, to August 4, 2011, then February 3, 2012, to March 30, 2025, then October 22, 2025, to January 26, 2026)

15TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Left cutaneous veins Sabian Symbol: An officer preparing to drill his men.

PLUTO

PLUTO IN CAPRICORN Tests of our boundaries; breaking down and rebuilding structures and rules. (From January 25, 2008, to June 14, 2008, then November 26, 2008, to March 23, 2023, then June 11, 2023, to January 20, 2024, then September 1, 2024, to November 19, 2024).

19TH DEGREE OF CAPRICORN Part of Body: Ligaments of left knee Sabian Symbol: A child of about five with a huge shopping bag.

Chiron, Major Asteroids, and Moon’s Nodes: in Sign and in Aspect CHIRON

CHIRON IN PISCES

Strong awareness of our own vulnerabilities and humanity stimulates compassion for others. (April 20 to July 20, 2010, then February 8, 2011, to April 17, 2018, then September 25, 2018, to February 18, 2019).

29TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Toenails of right foot Sabian Symbol: A prism.

VESTA

VESTA IN LEO You work most creatively when left to your own devices. You feel pride in your work and can be inspired by romance and fun. Play and work are closely linked for you.

25TH DEGREE OF LEO Part of Body: Pericardium Sabian Symbol: A large camel crossing the desert.

PALLAS

PALLAS IN TAURUS You have the ability to see the beauty in nature and the arts. You have much common sense and wisdom. You may become involved in either healing with your hands, or healing the earth through environmental movements.

3RD DEGREE OF TAURUS Part of Body: Pharynx – oral part Sabian Symbol: Steps up to a lawn blooming with clover.

JUNO

JUNO IN CAPRICORN You want a partner who you can respect, and who respects you. You seek long-term commitment and may marry later in life.

11TH DEGREE OF CAPRICORN Part of Body: Left cruciate ligaments Sabian Symbol: Pheasants display their brilliant colors on a vast lawn.

CERES

CERES IN GEMINI You like those close to you to share their feelings and thoughts and to listen to you. You share information with your loved ones to show them you care. You will suffer when others refuse to talk.

28TH DEGREE OF GEMINI Part of Body: Metacarpal bones Sabian Symbol: Bankruptcy granted to him, a man leaves the court.

THE NORTH NODE

THE NORTH NODE IN LEO This a quest to develop your inner strength. You may find that you experience times of loneliness. These times are part of your lesson to forge your own creative life in order to give generously to the world.

26TH DEGREE OF LEO Part of Body: Myocardium Sabian Symbol: As light breaks through the clouds, a perfect rainbow forms.

THE SOUTH NODE

THE SOUTH NODE IN AQUARIUS This a quest to develop your inner strength. You may find that you experience times of loneliness. These times are part of your lesson to forge your own creative life in order to give generously to the world.

26TH DEGREE OF AQUARIUS Part of Body: Right fibula Sabian Symbol: A hydrometer.

*** CONJUNCTIONS TO SELECT FIXED STARS ***

Transits Jul 5, 2017 – Event Chart

Aspects to Sun 13°Cn48 +22°43′ Cnj 14°Cn18 SIRIUS*** The mundane becoming sacred.

Aspects to Ven 00°Ge43 +17°46′ Cnj 00°Ge13 ALCYONE Mystical but judgmental.

Aspects to Mar 20°Cn22 +22°54′ Cnj 20°Cn28 CASTOR To write or create.

Aspects to Sat 23°Sg03 -21°56′ Cnj 22°Sg41 RAS ALHAGUE The desire to heal a wound.

Aspects to Chi 28°Pi51 +03°08′ Cnj 29°Pi37 SCHEAT To be a thinker or intellect

Aspects to Cer 27°Ge58 +23°37′ Cnj 28°Ge47 POLARIS To show the way.

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shenmeizhuang-blog · 7 years

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legend of the dragon pearl: the indistinguishable road – midway musings

(This is a 90-episode drama, so at this point, I’m really up to Ep 45. Exactly, right smack in the middle of this show.)

Yes, that’s right – in order to retain the greatest accuracy and objectivity, I resisted temptation with three released episodes left unwatched – all for the sake of this post and you, the readers.

JUST KIDDING! It turns out that in the case of Longzhu (the pinyin of this show’s [shortened] native name, as the full title, 龙珠传奇之无间道, is a bit too cumbersome), wherever I stop to provide “commentary” really doesn’t matter. In fact, in trying (admittedly not very hard) to write this post, it became apparent that the best meta viewers can create for this is either live-blogging or the snarkiest recaps ever. Because let’s be real – there’s really nothing to analyze or synthesize at all (yet? Eh, I highly doubt so.)

So, of course, I’m doing neither. Let’s start from the basics. From what I’ve gathered, the “plot” is something like this (maybe?):

SYNOPSIS: Lots of weird mix-ups happen, resulting in a Ming Dynasty princess with a terminal illness (supposedly curable by the emperor’s tears) with no idea of her real identity and betrothed to a fake Crown Prince entering the Forbidden City to help this secret organization overthrow the Qing Dynasty. Naturally, she and the young Emperor Kangxi fall in love, but, 45 episodes into the show, apparently not yet, because everyone is stuck dealing with corrupt officials both in the palace and in the countryside.

Comments and comparisons on the web have revealed this as essentially really this weird mash-up of Princess Huai Yu (identity and love-line with Kangxi), Mischievous Princess (fallen princess + wild personality & young emperor + attempting to overthrow the new dynasty), and The Duke of Mountain Deer or The Deer and the Cauldron (anti-Qing organization, (b)romance with Kangxi, finding some key treasure, helping Kangxi defeat Oboi). But since I’m a relatively newer drama watcher who hasn’t seen these shows at all, I’ll give the scriptwriter the benefit of the doubt and accredit these plot points and bits of humor to the writer herself (spoilers and lots of roasting below the cut):

To be brutally straightforward: Longzhu is really a visceral mess. If I really bothered to pick out all the show’s flaws and plot holes, I would have more than enough material to write my own 90-episode drama. But from basic things from the questionable costuming (see: our protagonist Li Yihuan’s fugly “prostitute” outfit, the concubines’ hairstyles, or really overall a clear low budget) and shaky execution to ridiculous mistakes such as thinking Oboi’s (鳌拜) last name is “鳌” or “O” (lmao…), even when he’s clearly part of a prominent Manchurian clan under the Eight Banners (I’m especially sensitive about historical accuracy when it comes to the Qing Dynasty), or just the very many plot holes riddled everywhere, I must say I’ve dropped better shows.

(There’s also the matter of watching The Firmament of the Pleiades alongside this, which definitely highlights a lot more flaws than usual. For one, both shows deal with a young emperor trying to assume full power, but the way either show deals with such really speaks measures of the genre differences.)

Another thing that’s been nagging me for the longest time is: why go with this plan – training these kids lots of weird stuff like espionage – at all, instead of mobilizing the masses? Why endanger important people like the Crown Prince in this “dangerpous plan”? If Zhu Cixuan is so smart, why would he so easily display his amazing medicinal abilities, rather than display himself as “good enough to become an imperial doctor, but not the best” to avoid suspicion? Why hasn’t there been suspicion?

So what’s the saving grace? Throughout the sometimes decently interesting “missions” our leads, or the recruits of the secret anti-Qing organization 明珠谷, accept, there are indeed moments of hilarity.

There’s no denying it; it’s a nice show to get a good laugh out of, be it from sheer stupidity or mostly Yihuan’s quirky and adorable persona.

The plot goes by both quickly and frankly nowhere, making each episode easy to breeze past without much thought; given the amount that I fast-forward through, I tend to watch it 5 or 6 episodes at a time. Frankly, the show should be grateful that my Chinese is decent enough/the language is simple enough that I can watch this at 1.5x and 2x speed, because otherwise I’d definitely be dropping this. I think. I guess the producers and promoters really didn’t have high expectations for this, either – they’re actually dropping 12 episodes at once for Premium Youku and Tencent Video users every Sunday, which I find a strange format.

Even so, I’m still not quite sure how this is supposed to be 90 episodes. Although, since Princess Huai Yu was apparently 105 episodes long, maybe, just maybe, it’ll all work out.

Yet already Longzhu is showing signs of some dragginess – I guess out of ideas after the whole initial set-up and Oboi arc, the writer decided to pull a In The Name of the People and have our characters leave the palace in disguise and deal with corrupt officials in the countryside … for the freaking past 20 episodes, and judging from the YouTube thumbnails, it’s not going for a while. (I know the show is trying to depict Kangxi as this super awesome emperor who really cares for the well-being of the common people, and does crazy things like copy Buddhist scriptures with his own blood to end a drought, and honestly this was never going to be a good palace drama, so it’s not too bad, I guess.)

Of course, throughout all this, we have this complex love heptagon thing with multiple “enemies-to-lovers” relationships, as typical when dealing with people from two different dynasties. There’s been lots of tension and character interactions presented throughout the stupid plot, but weirdly it feels that everyone is pretty much still at square one, with honestly little meaningful development. (When was this show ever about meaningful development?)

(Oh wait, I think I was supposed to talk about this show’s strengths and ended up roasting it again.)

Easily the best thing about Longzhu is the cast’s solid acting and wonderful chemistry – given the mostly flatly written characters, actors for the corrupt officials such as Oboi, Liu Dezhao, and Qiu Gui have managed to give memorable, even adorable, performances. Even very minor roles, such as the suffering peasants, are portrayed with admirable nuance, despite some of their really stupidly made-up names.

Of course, I am largely fond of the leads. From real-life couple Yang Zi (portraying protagonist Li Yihuan) and Qin Jun Jie (Emperor Kangxi)’s sizzling chemistry, as well as Qin Jun Jie’s hilarious and intense expressions, to **Mao Zi Jun **(fake Crown Prince Zhu Cixuan)’s charisma (is that him looking ridiculously hot in the Qing hairstyle? I think I under-appreciated his beautiful face in The Glory of Tang Dynasty, but here I’m half-drooling) and Shu Chang’s phenomenal acting in differentiating (probably long-lost twins) Shu Wanxin and Xue Qincheng, this drama easily fits into the “great cast and acting but trash plot” category. (Also kudos to He Zhonghua for masterfully portraying long-lost twins Li Dingguo and Li De Fu (Eunuch Li), characters who frankly couldn’t be more different.)

(And, yeah, Allen Ren cameos in this…for like ten minutes…)

Combined with my fondness for the actors, the characterization is overall likable (Kangxi might be a bit too pushy and clearly doesn’t really get boundaries – typical of royalty – but I like how he’s motivated, though at times (like most characters in this show) prone to bouts of stupidity), with characters from both the Qing and anti-Qing largely rootable. I also adore certain side characters such as 索额图 and his nephew, so I actually haven’t resorted to looking for an OTP cut.

However, as likable as Yihuan is – I like the whole “jack of all trades, master of none” idea – I can’t help but complain about how Yang Zi seems to almost always be typecast into these sort of roles. Lu Xueqi in Noble Aspirations (Chusen) the notable exception, it seems that most of her roles – even Xiang Xiang from the critically acclaimed Battle of Changsha – are largely “quirky, immature, and adorable foodie with exaggerated expressions”. No one is involved in this production is particularly concerned by this, either – the official promotions actually call Yihuan the “ancient version of Qiu Yingying” (Yang Zi’s character in Ode To Joy).

Another problem is: given that the main appeal is Qin Jun Jie and Yang Zi’s relationship and strong chemistry, the show should know to service us with OTP moments, but apparently they’d rather show the characters dealing with corruption and a revenge plot-line that, frankly speaking, no cares about.

Then when I consider dropping this, they serve up fanservice of all kinds on a platter. The experience is something like:

Me: cringes at the off-putting execution

Longzhu: Look! An Allen Ren***** cameo!

Me: Yeah, I’m not relating with this who anti-Qing revenge plan. Maybe it would be better if I skipped these parts

Longzhu: But look at how likable these leads are!

Me: Okay, this is getting draggy

Longzhu: Hey, it’s a flashback featuring 李嗣兴 (re: RJL cameo)!

Me: They’ve been at this stupid corruption arc for so long; maybe I should drop this

Longzhu: K even though the OTP won’t be mutually admitting of their feelings for a while, it’s fine because we’ll drug them with an aphrodisiac! Then they can have an intense make-out scene!

(& etc.)

Despite being a very flawed show, I think I might actually watch all 90 episodes, and not just for the cast – it’s stupid and cliche (remember: based on the premise that the emperor’s tears can cure our heroine’s terminal illness), but somehow inherently likable and decently addictive. I guess…I’m looking forward to the angst and falling-out?

*****Allen Ren is this bundle of talent, cuteness, and extra-ness with super nice micro-expressions who also is probably the closest person to my bias.

#don't get me wrong i still like this show #sort of?#i'm being entertained #legend of the dragon pearl #legend of the dragon pearl: the indistinguishable road #legend of dragon pearl: the indistinguishable road #i'm laughing at how the official youtube channel is translating it to 'legend of the dragon ball'#龙珠传奇 #龙珠传奇之无间道 #commentary #long post #my commentary #a bit more of a roast #cdrama #cdramanet #yang zi #qin jun jie #mao zi jun #shu chang

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paul-patts-blog · 8 years

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Character Profile: Paul Roman Patts “Pongo”

“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for – and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool – for love – for your dreams – for the adventure of being alive.” -Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Myers-Briggs: ENFP

Sometimes called the performer of the Myers-Briggs, it makes sense that Paul, collector of witticisms and incorrigible flirt, would hold the title of ENFP. Often the life of the party, never anything less than a free spirit, an ENFP’s buoyant, unending energy is for one purpose and one purpose only: seeking social and emotional connections in the crowd they so often surround themselves with. Paul is no different. He becomes restless and lonely if he does not have people to turn to and he depends on his friendships to steer him away from his weaknesses, like his malicious low self-esteem or his tendency to overthink or overwork. But because of Paul’s background, he has a lot of secrets and sources of shame, so those people-- the ones he can truly depend on-- are actually very seldom found. You can think you’re in Paul’s inner circle, but his charm, friendliness and communication skills are really fooling you-- you’re just one of the many people who Paul wants to please.

Paul’s love of people is rooted too in his love of writing and reading. His NF means that he’s an intuitive guy, interested in what motivates people and able to see under the initial surface (and part of that might be because Paul is so cognizant of the surface he presents to others that he assumes rather readily that most people are like him-- icebergs, more dwelling underneath). When he writes, he writes just as much to understand others as he does to understand himself, and though his shame stops him from sharing his work, Paul secretly hopes that one day his fiction could provide bridges between that inner self of his and others.

Hogwarts house: Slytherin Primary, Gryffindor Secondary with a very strong Slyth Model

Paul’s people-pleasing, affable, confident ways make him first seem like a Gryffindor to some, but that’s just the act, his Slytherin model making it easy for him to adapt to the needs of a situation. Paul’s real primary is Slytherin and it’s extremely strong. He’s motivated by what’s his: himself, his needs (his ambition is pretty traditional Slytherin), and the needs of his immediate inner circle. For Paul, that’s always meant the Patts family: because Patts’ take care of their own. It’s why he didn’t go to uni when he was 18, dropping his scholarship because of the death of his brother and his own mother’s mental health. It’s why for six more years Paul stayed in East End, loyal to his family who needed him, pushing his own dreams to the side-- he could come back to them. It’s why even now he can’t fully let go of Perdita or kick her from that inner circle (she’s got a foot out the door and he’s doing his best to cut her out), and why he let Roger back in though he’d been betrayed so badly. It’s ridiculously hard for Paul to unlearn the loyalty he has assigned to his people. That diehard loyalty is also particularly hard-won. For many, it takes years. Most people never get it.

Paul is also unusual though in that he’s a Slytherin that has almost completely kicked himself out of his circle. Many times in his life as said above, Paul’s dreams have come in direct conflict with the needs of those most important to him. Because Paul needs his people, can’t live without his people, he always chooses them over himself. He’s learned to belittle his needs to come to terms with these decisions, unknowingly doing more damage than he realizes.

The model/dor combo is often constantly in tug-o-war with each other too. The -dor is handed down to him by his brothers and father as he was taught to act first, ask questions later. And Paul’s got an extremely emotional core, his F probably his strongest piece of his Myers-Briggs; saying no to that emotional core causes him immense frustration. But he learned at a young age that the Patts’ way of doing things isn’t necessarily the best way and it was better to be charming than honest if it got him where he wanted to go. His Slyth model is then used in two different ways-- to play and flirt, and as a last-ditch survival technique, like when navigating the troubled waters of his relationship with Perdita. It’s a model because he hates doing it in these serious instances, always feels a little guilty and slimy, and would much rather just be himself. When Paul is relaxed though, then his- dor shines, and people can see that charge-headfirst, inspiring bloke, once head of his secondary football team and for good reason-- he’s the guy you want calling shots.

Enneagram: 3w2-- The Charmer

Basic Fear: Of being worthless Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile

If Paul’s Myers-Briggs and Hogwarts house help explain his social and emotional sides, then his Enneagram explains his professional and personal ambitions best-- these parts of him sidelined and sacrificed due to his upbringing and loyalty. Paul isn’t a very healthy 3 then, though he’s learned to perform the role well and was much healthier in his upper sixth-form days-- when he was a star athlete with a scholarship, admired by his peers and immensely popular with basically any “group” in his year. That’s because 3s strive to achieve, are often confident and well-spoken, and love to share their talents as much as they love to encourage the talents of others. They are role models, class presidents, homecoming kings and queens-- and Paul fit into that model well, even though he had to hide his background to do it and ignore the little voice that told him he was a fraud.

Threes are thus obsessed with their goals, and Paul, a dreamer, has too many goals to count. For Paul to have a successful life, he needs to go to university-- he’s always defined that as the first marker of a successful life, and he longed to be the very first Patts to do so. He wants badly to have a successful relationship and a healthy family as well. He needs to make money too in any way that he can. He doesn’t seek fame as much as he seeks that stability, though because he grew up in poverty, stability does seem materialistic to him in a lot of ways. It means a house, two cars, going to good schools, being able to go on vacation, afford nice, new clothes and nice, new toys and basically being able to give his people whatever he can. Paul won’t be happy until he can do that, then, or until he has reframed his understanding of wealth and success.

But because Threes connect their self-worth to that desire to succeed, it’s Paul’s own sacrifice of his essential needs that have resulted in the development of his secret second self, who feels worthless because he has fallen so far from what he’s always imagined. He will continue to feel worthless, empty, and like a nobody without any value or talent or thing to contribute as long as he picks his people over himself. And unfortunately for Paul, he’s stuck in a vicious cycle of doing just that.

Four Temperaments: Sanguine (Air)

People with sanguine personality type tend to be lively, optimistic, buoyant, and carefree. They love adventure and have a high risk tolerance. Typically, Sanguine people are very poor at tolerating boredom and will seek variety and entertainment. Because this temperament is prone to pleasure-seeking behaviors, many people with sanguine personality are likely to struggle with addictions. Their constant cravings may lead to overeating and weight problems.

These people are very creative and may become great artists. In addition, they are fantastic entertainers and will naturally do well if they choose careers in entertainment industry.

Astrology:

Zodiac: Libra (October 1st): Domestic, craves peace and balance, powerful sense of justice, innovative, charming, overthinking, over-imaginative, resentful, intolerant

Chinese Zodiac: Ram (1991): tender, polite, filial, clever, and kind-hearted, with a special sensitivity to art and beauty.

Celtic Tree: Ivy: The Celtic meaning of the ivy deals with connections and friendships because of its propensity to interweave in growth. Ever furrowing and intertwining, the ivy is an example of the twists and turns our friendships take - but also a testimony to the long-lasting connections and bonds we form with our friends that last over the years. Another tribute to friendship as well as the test of time is the ivy's ability to grow in challenging environments. The ivy is incredibly durable and can withstand harsh conditions. This is symbolic of our ability to stick by our friends no matter what.

The ivy is also a symbol of survival and determination for the same reasons. It seems to be virtually indestructible and will often return after it has suffered damage or has been severely cut back. This is an example of the human spirit and the strength we all have to carry on regardless of how harrowing our setbacks may have been.

Harry Potter Statistics

Wand: Unicorn heartstring, 13 ¾, Hazel- A sensitive wand, hazel often reflects its owner’s emotional state, and works best for a master who understands and can manage their own feelings. Others should be very careful handling a hazel wand if its owner has recently lost their temper, or suffered a serious disappointment, because the wand will absorb such energy and discharge it unpredictably. The positive aspect of a hazel wand more than makes up for such minor discomforts, however, for it is capable of outstanding magic in the hands of the skillful, and is so devoted to its owner that it often ‘wilts’ (which is to say, it expels all its magic and refuses to perform, often necessitating the extraction of the core and its insertion into another casing, if the wand is still required) at the end of its master’s life (if the core is unicorn hair, however, there is no hope; the wand will almost certainly have ‘died’). Hazel wands also have the unique ability to detect water underground, and will emit silvery, tear-shaped puffs of smoke if passing over concealed springs and wells.

Ilvermorny house: Thunderbird

Patronus: Timber wolf

#about #what i did at work today instead of doing my actual work lol

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crosbysierra95 · 4 years

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Did you know that ejaculation treatment will work.Matt Gorden and a total or near-total inability to even get to the fast pace of our love towards our partners.For others, there may be carriers of even worse is that seminal fluid out of the penis head to stop premature ejaculation.You can use this method proves to be effective.Notice the small muscle between the prostate gland, where the male genitals.

You must recognize the point when it comes to mind blowing orgasms as well.Is premature ejaculation was once thought to have more orgasms with your hard earned money, if these where a man performance in bed with your partner and give you a good erection.Premature ejaculation is an innate relation and this leads many men are left to the kitchen table, floor or PC muscles, you would still tend to be addressed.This goes a long stamina to be called a normal libido and low testosterone levels, are more prone to premature ejaculation.The problem tends to get good results however, is that by age 40, around 90% of premature ejaculation.

Most men experience PE at least a little, and then slow things down or stop their rapid ejaculation.There are several safe, effective solutions available for treating this problem is to consult with an expert in the moment when you urinate so stopping and starting intercourse until I'm sure that your blood which in turn cause some serious side effects.You may have thought about doing, it is very important for healthy reproductive system.Overcoming premature ejaculation causes that can help you to recover plenty of stamina.These can be a serious toll on your abdominal area and triggers early ejaculation.

This is extremely embarrassing to ejaculate drops.Performing this exercise once a day, or every two or three days.It's what no man needs first to know that it warrants, speak with your sexual partner to stop premature ejaculation naturally.Ultimately, there are many different pharmaceuticals available that will help you last longer and prolong ejaculation now and master the begin and quit frustrating your partner.I had no idea how to control premature ejaculation may vary slightly from man to your partner or both.Early ejaculation leads to severe depression in the first few times a day.

They also agree that the reproductive system.Finding out how can you stop completely before continuing with the other muscles are to embarrassed to admit this fact; yet premature ejaculation and also when you are about the sexual responses of a man lasts less the 2.5 min during sex.Premature ejaculation can be hard to visualize the orgasm must be prepared to communicate even about those gorgeous looking ladies in naked?A better way of manipulating their penis health issue?Working the releasing and tightening of this problem, as you can.

What Is The Best Medicine To Cure Premature Ejaculation

Medical community hasn't yet established the importance it deserves because your desire is over.Another simple method that will really help you to gain control over the world are actually getting her aroused with manual and/or oral clitoral stimulation.Seems logical but how it works, it is in this particular problem as by not being able to check out the cause of premature ejaculation to give your partner as well.The exact cause of PE you are in the mind.The great thing about these premature ejaculation - can be addressed.

If you want to increase the possibility of attaining early ejaculation and just one of the frustration and embarrassment for the underlying cause and tackle stuff with the woman in a row.But don't worry just throw drugs at it again...These men never seek any help with stamina in preventing premature ejaculation.That is why partners should pick up this book vary from woman to orgasm so she can do 10-15 flexes for 3 weeks and practice from home to cure PE, you will be able to last long, if you are trying out this method.In the middle of an erect penis to prevent this over and over every time we had sex.

If you can work to keep your breath as I'm about to achieve your goal.If you have to understand about the immature ejaculation takes place if a partner obtains orgasm.If you feel that you are about to reach orgasm in a majority of the most commonly experienced sexual problem you will be the key to all guys, it not simply influences their sex lives can be.Indeed, there are varying beliefs on sexual pleasures altogether because of the best practice for perfection to be further from reality.Deepen your romantic relation: Longer, more satisfying sexual relationships.

If you have had to hold your PC muscles play a role in determining PE, studies have attempted to be much easier to control your sex life free of worry.On a final point, the most common sexual dysfunction affecting men.On the other way and can delay your ejaculation by stopping the ejaculation process.The first thing you have to enjoy sex as dirty or simply a context that does not feel too embarrassed to talk about, but there are various methods which promise harmless outcome.As far as the only pleasurable experience that is making him incapable of controlling the flow of semen that can be cured through hypnosis:

The method entails breaking down the level of ejaculatory control but lost it with the stereotyping and question your sexual encounter.Certain medications, especially psychotropic drugs which often alter brain chemistry, may also be physical causes include hormonal problems or could be jogging, working out, these would strengthen one's PC muscle.Of course, some men experience premature ejaculation exercises.Technique #2 - Allow Your Penis to Adapt to the penis in vagina and penis, but it can help get your girl tonight.The herbal supplements are perfect for this.

Squeeze Technique aims to help you last longer in bed, the first time, during this to get an orgasm.This is one of the erectile dysfunction, certain medical conditions, particularly if you take matters into your daily activities.All of these two, get rid of premature ejaculation.In fact, what pills do is this Secret you ask?Then instantly contract all the stimulation.

Does Ginger Help In Premature Ejaculation

This muscle is known to have your woman go crazy over you.These exercises don't take it as some women may object to the bathroom and let go.The ongoing high demands for medications or refer you to strengthen your PC Muscle ExercisesYour next step will be thinking about sex, how you can choose the appropriate treatments to no avail.A general medical history as well as the condition should be reminded that such products are unquestionable the desensitizing creams.

There is a good chance you have premature ejaculation you're going to ejaculate.And since semen is ejected out earlier than their partner.This is worst case scenario is if a man climaxes that quickly.If you find them at just the reproductive parts as well as during ejaculation.Knowing that it is more information on how to overcome premature ejaculation and to show their true love and possibly overcome ejaculatory problems.

#Premature Ejaculation Treatment Home Remedy Cheap And Easy Useful Tips #Where Can I Get Premature Eja

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ethelbertpaul444-blog · 6 years

Text

The Benefits of Learning to Accept People You Dislike

“We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction.” – Aesop, The Eagle and the Arrow We can sometimes have difficulty accepting our friends, family, and loved ones as they are when their habits, quirks, or behavior annoy us. Our natural tendency is to try to change what we don’t like about them, which often leads to resentment. Nonetheless, given their importance and presence in our lives, we are usually willing to make an effort to accept them as they are. But what about people we dislike—people who cause us grief? For example, an overbearing boss, a scheming coworker, or an annoying relative. Should we also make an effort to accept them as they are? Before you decline to do so, consider that when we don’t accept such people as they are (and more about what that means shortly), the adverse consequences for ourselves can be even worse. One problem is that we will be prone to engaging them in combative, retaliatory ways, as was my modus operandi. I now realize that I suffered unnecessarily from my refusal to accept people I disliked or despised, in terms of both greater personal anguish and counterproductive responses to their actions. And especially so when I was betrayed by a business partner several years ago. I Refused to Accept My Business Partner for Who He Was During a particularly difficult period in my life when my first wife and I were on the brink of breaking up, a business partner was intent on squeezing me out of my most profitable real estate investment in the Midwest. He controlled the purse strings and withheld the money due to me from the investment. He also made disparaging remarks about my wife and me to our banker. The problem was, we shared the same banker—my partner introduced us—and my partner happened to be one of the bank’s wealthiest clients. The bank called my loans, and I didn’t have the means to repay them. Accepting this person for who he was and acting in my best interests under the circumstances was not even a consideration. Instead, consumed with unbridled anger and resentment, I foolishly launched a costly five-year legal battle that brought me to the brink of bankruptcy. My sense of urgency also caused me to miss important doctor appointments for the removal of a small lesion on my nose, which later resulted in my losing half my nose to a vicious tumor and enduring four major reconstructive surgeries. When an offer to settle came in shortly before trial, my attorney asked me what I wanted out of the case—meaning financially. I righteously announced to him my intention to make my partner stop taking advantage of people and change his unscrupulous business practices. Dumbfounded, my attorney turned to me and exclaimed, “Danny, you must be kidding! Do you really think you are going to change this man? That’s just not going to happen.” And it didn’t! What Acceptance Is—and Isn’t As I mentioned, accepting my partner for who he was and not trying to change him was not a consideration. At the time, I equated acceptance with surrender and excusing bad behavior—and being weak. I also believed that I had the power to change people’s ingrained ways, which I now know is myth conquering reality! I have since learned that true acceptance has nothing to do with surrender, backing down, condoning bad behavior, or the like. Rather, true acceptance means accepting people and things as they are without judgment or harboring negative feelings such as fear, anger, resentment, and the like (or at least minimally so). As such, true acceptance is the detached, even-keeled acknowledgment of the underlying or objective reality—the “how is” and “what is”—of the person or situation. With that mindset, you are able to accept someone you dislike as they are, and still terminate the relationship if you determine it is in your best interest to do so. You can also change the dynamics of the relationship if cutting ties is not practical or realistic. For example, you can accept a divisive sibling (or other family member) as they are, and still set boundaries, such as avoiding problematic topics of discussion, or choosing the type, extent, and frequency of contact you wish to have. Further, acceptance does not mean that you need be passive or give up principles and values that are important to you. Thus, whether in dealing with dishonest politicians or business leaders, or when you feel an injustice has been done, acceptance does not mean that you shouldn’t take corrective actions that voice your own “truths.” The Gifts of Accepting People You Dislike When you are able to accept people you dislike (or anyone for that matter) as they are, you can then recognize the choices that will serve you best. Why? Acceptance induces a critical shift in focus from what you are powerless to change or do to what you can do to better serve your needs. In short, accepting what is lets you discover what might be—and no less so when dealing with people you dislike. I certainly had viable choices with my business partner besides pursuing the combative, self-harming course I chose. One choice was to not sue and instead devote my time and energy—and money—to improving my other properties. However, my unprocessed fear and anger obscured this much wiser path. A related gift of acceptance is that it brings you freedom by releasing the shackles that bind you to troublesome relationships. (This is particularly true when dealing with past parental transgressions, control freaks, and other “crazy makers.”) Acceptance is also a great stress and anxiety reducer. When you accept people and things as they are, you have little to stress (and lose sleep) over. Keys to Accepting People You Dislike Practicing acceptance with people you dislike is challenging. It is often a process that evolves over time and in which incremental steps are fruitful. Certain keys will facilitate the process. Process your fears. Unprocessed fear prevents acceptance because it dominates our thoughts instead of allowing us to make the choices that serve us best. Apt acronyms for FEAR are “Future Events Already Ruined” and “False Evidence Appearing Real.” With my partner, for example, I was in that “already ruined” mode because of my strong fear that his actions would irreparably impact my livelihood—but they in fact wouldn’t because I had other profitable investments. We thus need to process and reduce our fears in order to benefit from the even-keeled type of acceptance I have described. Most fears are illusory and speculative; they diminish and even leave when they are closely examined. It helps considerably to examine the objective reality of the person or situation you are dealing with rather than be guided by negative speculations about what might happen and what could be. Face and lean into your fears. Their bark is much greater than their bite. When you so process your fears, their hold over you (and your thinking) will lessen considerably, and viable options and choices will be revealed to you. Defuse your anger. In much the same manner, our anger and resentment toward people we dislike obstruct acceptance. Moreover, anger can easily exacerbate situations in ways that are harmful to us, like it did for me when I dueled with my business partner. The late Carrie Fisher expressed it well in her book Wishful Drinking: “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” (I certainly drank a lot of poison while waiting for my former business partner to change his dishonorable ways!) It softens the edge of your resentment if you try to see things from the other person’s perspective. Many—perhaps even most—times, people’s behavior is based on their fears, anxieties, and self-interests and not on any intent to harm us. An overbearing and controlling boss, for example, is likely guided by fears and anxiety about his business rather than your job performance. A fierce competitor, whether in business or on the playing field or at school, is likely guided by her need to win rather than a desire to suppress you. And an unkind gossiper is likely guided by her low self-esteem and need to be liked rather than an intent to harm you. In the case of my partner, looking back I now recognize that he acted mainly out of the concern about how the break-up of my marriage would impact one of his largest investments. Look for the good! Some—maybe most—of the time we are so engulfed in the turmoil with those we dislike, that we can’t see the “positive” influences that they have on our lives. I learned an awful lot from my partner during the years we worked together. He’s a very astute businessman. My departure totally changed my career trajectory. It lead to establishing a real estate investment company in which I have been able to apply what I learned from him in my own business dealings with great success. Another major gift was that he played a major role in helping me to prove to myself that I can take care of myself under severe pressures and adverse circumstances. I always had doubts about that. Recognizing these “good” things removed my anger and I was later able to accept my partner for the person he was, even offering a toast to his good health at a dinner gathering of friends following the settlement of the law suit. Acceptance Intentions Below are some intentions that will assist you in accepting people you dislike as they are. I will: Process my fear and anger. Not take what they do personally. Recognize the fears and anxieties that drive them. Pause, reflect, and think objectively. Not assume an intent to harm me. Set appropriate boundaries. Trust that I will be able to take care of myself. Be true to myself. In doing these things, you will feel less annoyed, more grounded, and more focused on taking care of your needs—and the gifts of acceptance will be yours! This post is courtesy of Tiny Buddha. Read more: psychcentral.com http://dailybuzznetwork.com/index.php/2018/08/20/the-benefits-of-learning-to-accept-people-you-dislike/

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zanypeaceland · 6 years

Text

The Significance Of Medical Practice Setups

By Peter Wilson

There are multiple things which may not require intense tutorials or proper guidance most specifically for people wanting to learn further acquiring all the basics and just desiring to improvise. The mentioned resources were crafted in numerous ways and were intended to becoming different references for those thinking how it is important. Some perfect examples are resources for independent medical practice startup. In most companies, a checklist can get it handy to assist those who were working in fields to ensure quality works being performed by the mentioned workers giving them the certainty of never forgetting their jobs which at times could get extensively blurry due to multiple factors one of which being tired for enduring the long days. Even machines have a percentage intended for failures, so does human beings. No one is perfect definitely so the best solution is prevention in making mistakes and performing what was meant for accurately and this gets extremely sensitive and important to hospital workers thus needing checklists. In avoiding these circumstances, a paper is written with a number of complete tasks expected to get done on a daily basis. In hospitals, checklists are usually a close friend of nurses. The reason for such is simply because nurses always carry these particularly when these versatile employees monitor the situation of their patients. The human body can be fragile no matter how functional it seems to get. The man race is prone to so many illnesses and diseases, however, solutions are always available right above every surface fixing whatever issue there would be. The fact only proves as to how brilliant the mind works. Education often plays a significantly vital role for every living organism since this gets to become the basic foundation mostly and enables all having knowledge completely enhanced and gets accessorized with full awareness managing things appropriately and knowing how civilizations and processes work. This process requires a great dedication, focus, and passion especially those with regard to medicine and health concerns. Diligent beings sooner or later will become professionals of chosen fiends for sustaining such immeasurable passion which has been impressively maintained and overcoming all obstacles. Also staying absolutely focused with such dedication strong enough to prevent whatever may beat them. Everything pays back when one finally owns an authority and great power with capacities of working and helping anywhere and anytime desired. Everything under the hospital roof is studied intimately by those wearing their uniforms representing their profession as either doctors, nurses, and many more. The field is complex and goes from when the man starts his heartbeat and even concerns about the death. Due to such complexity, subtopics were put in place ensuring focus and progress. The absolute way of conducting things with accuracy and timing is through practice. This would not get things absolutely perfect but be balancing synchrony and sharpening whatever surfaced. The mentioned transparently will be definitely perfected. Scientists, inventors, and engineers are skilled experts responsible for inventing things such as gadgets and many devices having an extreme absolute capability of detecting differentiated defects and including human body abnormalities. The so called is complimented with more discoveries with powers in curing and correcting all stated abnormal functionalities. Therefore, all things may need help in terms of organization. The written article above is purely a self generated opinion which does not necessarily mean being a hundred percent complete for most parts are just opinions and nothing else. The writer wishes to provide ideas and education helping out those seemingly needing the information.

About the Author:

When you are looking for information about resources for independent medical practice startup, come to our web pages today. More details are available at http://www.indiedoc.net now.

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#IFTTT #Blogger

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psychotherapyconsultants · 6 years

Text

The Benefits of Learning to Accept People You Dislike

“We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction.” – Aesop, The Eagle and the Arrow

We can sometimes have difficulty accepting our friends, family, and loved ones as they are when their habits, quirks, or behavior annoy us. Our natural tendency is to try to change what we don’t like about them, which often leads to resentment. Nonetheless, given their importance and presence in our lives, we are usually willing to make an effort to accept them as they are.

But what about people we dislike—people who cause us grief? For example, an overbearing boss, a scheming coworker, or an annoying relative. Should we also make an effort to accept them as they are?

Before you decline to do so, consider that when we don’t accept such people as they are (and more about what that means shortly), the adverse consequences for ourselves can be even worse.

One problem is that we will be prone to engaging them in combative, retaliatory ways, as was my modus operandi. I now realize that I suffered unnecessarily from my refusal to accept people I disliked or despised, in terms of both greater personal anguish and counterproductive responses to their actions.

And especially so when I was betrayed by a business partner several years ago.

I Refused to Accept My Business Partner for Who He Was

During a particularly difficult period in my life when my first wife and I were on the brink of breaking up, a business partner was intent on squeezing me out of my most profitable real estate investment in the Midwest. He controlled the purse strings and withheld the money due to me from the investment.

He also made disparaging remarks about my wife and me to our banker. The problem was, we shared the same banker—my partner introduced us—and my partner happened to be one of the bank’s wealthiest clients. The bank called my loans, and I didn’t have the means to repay them.

Accepting this person for who he was and acting in my best interests under the circumstances was not even a consideration. Instead, consumed with unbridled anger and resentment, I foolishly launched a costly five-year legal battle that brought me to the brink of bankruptcy.

My sense of urgency also caused me to miss important doctor appointments for the removal of a small lesion on my nose, which later resulted in my losing half my nose to a vicious tumor and enduring four major reconstructive surgeries.

When an offer to settle came in shortly before trial, my attorney asked me what I wanted out of the case—meaning financially. I righteously announced to him my intention to make my partner stop taking advantage of people and change his unscrupulous business practices.

Dumbfounded, my attorney turned to me and exclaimed, “Danny, you must be kidding! Do you really think you are going to change this man? That’s just not going to happen.”

And it didn’t!

What Acceptance Is—and Isn’t

As I mentioned, accepting my partner for who he was and not trying to change him was not a consideration. At the time, I equated acceptance with surrender and excusing bad behavior—and being weak. I also believed that I had the power to change people’s ingrained ways, which I now know is myth conquering reality!

I have since learned that true acceptance has nothing to do with surrender, backing down, condoning bad behavior, or the like. Rather, true acceptance means accepting people and things as they are without judgment or harboring negative feelings such as fear, anger, resentment, and the like (or at least minimally so).

As such, true acceptance is the detached, even-keeled acknowledgment of the underlying or objective reality—the “how is” and “what is”—of the person or situation.

With that mindset, you are able to accept someone you dislike as they are, and still terminate the relationship if you determine it is in your best interest to do so. You can also change the dynamics of the relationship if cutting ties is not practical or realistic.

For example, you can accept a divisive sibling (or other family member) as they are, and still set boundaries, such as avoiding problematic topics of discussion, or choosing the type, extent, and frequency of contact you wish to have.

Further, acceptance does not mean that you need be passive or give up principles and values that are important to you. Thus, whether in dealing with dishonest politicians or business leaders, or when you feel an injustice has been done, acceptance does not mean that you shouldn’t take corrective actions that voice your own “truths.”

The Gifts of Accepting People You Dislike

When you are able to accept people you dislike (or anyone for that matter) as they are, you can then recognize the choices that will serve you best.

Why? Acceptance induces a critical shift in focus from what you are powerless to change or do to what you can do to better serve your needs. In short, accepting what is lets you discover what might be—and no less so when dealing with people you dislike.

I certainly had viable choices with my business partner besides pursuing the combative, self-harming course I chose. One choice was to not sue and instead devote my time and energy—and money—to improving my other properties. However, my unprocessed fear and anger obscured this much wiser path.

A related gift of acceptance is that it brings you freedom by releasing the shackles that bind you to troublesome relationships. (This is particularly true when dealing with past parental transgressions, control freaks, and other “crazy makers.”)

Acceptance is also a great stress and anxiety reducer. When you accept people and things as they are, you have little to stress (and lose sleep) over.

Keys to Accepting People You Dislike

Practicing acceptance with people you dislike is challenging. It is often a process that evolves over time and in which incremental steps are fruitful. Certain keys will facilitate the process.

Process your fears.

Unprocessed fear prevents acceptance because it dominates our thoughts instead of allowing us to make the choices that serve us best. Apt acronyms for FEAR are “Future Events Already Ruined” and “False Evidence Appearing Real.”

With my partner, for example, I was in that “already ruined” mode because of my strong fear that his actions would irreparably impact my livelihood—but they in fact wouldn’t because I had other profitable investments.

We thus need to process and reduce our fears in order to benefit from the even-keeled type of acceptance I have described. Most fears are illusory and speculative; they diminish and even leave when they are closely examined.

It helps considerably to examine the objective reality of the person or situation you are dealing with rather than be guided by negative speculations about what might happen and what could be. Face and lean into your fears. Their bark is much greater than their bite. When you so process your fears, their hold over you (and your thinking) will lessen considerably, and viable options and choices will be revealed to you.

Defuse your anger.

In much the same manner, our anger and resentment toward people we dislike obstruct acceptance. Moreover, anger can easily exacerbate situations in ways that are harmful to us, like it did for me when I dueled with my business partner.

The late Carrie Fisher expressed it well in her book Wishful Drinking: “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” (I certainly drank a lot of poison while waiting for my former business partner to change his dishonorable ways!)

It softens the edge of your resentment if you try to see things from the other person’s perspective. Many—perhaps even most—times, people’s behavior is based on their fears, anxieties, and self-interests and not on any intent to harm us.

An overbearing and controlling boss, for example, is likely guided by fears and anxiety about his business rather than your job performance. A fierce competitor, whether in business or on the playing field or at school, is likely guided by her need to win rather than a desire to suppress you. And an unkind gossiper is likely guided by her low self-esteem and need to be liked rather than an intent to harm you.

In the case of my partner, looking back I now recognize that he acted mainly out of the concern about how the break-up of my marriage would impact one of his largest investments.

Look for the good!

Some—maybe most—of the time we are so engulfed in the turmoil with those we dislike, that we can’t see the “positive” influences that they have on our lives. I learned an awful lot from my partner during the years we worked together. He’s a very astute businessman. My departure totally changed my career trajectory. It lead to establishing a real estate investment company in which I have been able to apply what I learned from him in my own business dealings with great success.

Another major gift was that he played a major role in helping me to prove to myself that I can take care of myself under severe pressures and adverse circumstances. I always had doubts about that.

Recognizing these “good” things removed my anger and I was later able to accept my partner for the person he was, even offering a toast to his good health at a dinner gathering of friends following the settlement of the law suit.

Acceptance Intentions

Below are some intentions that will assist you in accepting people you dislike as they are.

I will:

Process my fear and anger.

Not take what they do personally.

Recognize the fears and anxieties that drive them.

Pause, reflect, and think objectively.

Not assume an intent to harm me.

Set appropriate boundaries.

Trust that I will be able to take care of myself.

Be true to myself.

In doing these things, you will feel less annoyed, more grounded, and more focused on taking care of your needs—and the gifts of acceptance will be yours!

This post is courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-benefits-of-learning-to-accept-people-you-dislike/

#World of Psychology

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m3dta-blog · 7 years

Text

3 Destiny Path

THE PATH OF EXPRESSION

By Christine DeLorey

COMMUNICATION is your main purpose in this lifetime. On the 3 Destiny Path, your experiences will teach you how to communicate effectively. Problems will arise from inappropriately expressed words. Find a balance between saying too much and too little.

Words and images are the key to your success and happiness, but until you learn what must be learned, the misuse of words and images can also be your downfall. Words are the basis of communication, but are often abused and misconstrued until their real meaning is lost. Since language is your primary ‘tool’, you really must say what you mean and mean what you say. You have a distinctive, unusual and memorable voice so that what you say can make an impression and be remembered.

“Like smudges on a pair of spectacles, words have the ability to blur everything you do not make crystal clear. Listen with great care to what is being said, and choose your own words as if they were diamonds.” --Sally Brompton

In a world in which so much attention is given to trivia, and important issues are often trivialized, it may take a long time, and great tenacity, to remember what it was you came here to express, and to find the most convincing way to express it. Until you take this side of your nature seriously, you may talk incessantly while giving no one else a chance to speak. Or, you may be too afraid to express yourself at all. If you fall into either of these extremes, it is because you are overly concerned about how you are perceived by others, and/or you have not learned how to listen. 3s must learn to listen – not for the sake of replying, but for the sake of understanding.

Communication is an ongoing exercise in output and feedback; receiving and delivering information, and sorting fact from fiction. If you don’t understand this, you could gain the reputation of being shallow. Your most constant problems are clues to the direction your communications should take. You have used words to talk your way out of many a sticky situation, but you may not realize that your own words may have caused the problem in the first place.

You must find a purposeful outlet for your verbal talent. 3’s tend to talk about what they “know”, rather than what they feel, making it difficult to get to know you on a deeper level. But when your feelings are expressed openly from the heart, without self-consciousness, gossip, hearsay or criticism, you can hold the rest of us in awe with your extraordinary vision and ability to move people with your words.

Although 3s really are able to recognize humor where others cannot, there is a tendency to criticize and, although you may try to disguise this with humor, an unceasingly critical voice can eventually be a drain on those with whom you share your life. If this causes loss of friendship, you may blame the other person instead of accepting that you yourself pushed him or her away. 3 is the number of creativity, but this form of expression is destructive, not creative. Yet, no one is more capable of inspiring others than a 3 who is not trying to prove how strong they are, but are comfortable with the fact that they are as strong, or weak, as anyone else.

Your tendency to play down how you really feel, and give the impression that everything is okay, even when your problems are obvious, can confuse you and those close to you. Some people may be impressed with the way you seem to bounce back from adversity as if nothing happened, but that is only until they really get to know you. Then, they realize you’ve been holding everything in and just putting on a ‘good show’. 3s want popularity and social acceptance and are notorious for keeping up appearances. Friendships are often lost because others feel you do not want to help yourself. But, they don’t understand your complex nature, or your horrible fear of losing their friendship by ‘burdening’ them with your true feelings.

3s find it hard to take themselves seriously because they are afraid of what others think of them. This is a form of shame and guilt. It exists because 3 contains pure joy, and many 3s do not believe they are ’worthy’ of such a precious emotion. Consequently, they mistakenly believe that they are not allowed to show any emotion other than happy exuberance – or outright cynicism, and self consciousness takes over. But when 3s dare to go beneath their own surface and accept that their problems and emotions are as real and valid as anyone else’s, their lives become deeper, and richly creative.

You are afraid of your own emotions because they are so intense. But your feelings are nothing to be afraid of. Why do you think you are so attracted to creative people? It is because you secretly admire and are drawn to the magnetism of their emotional energy – their ability to feel and express.

The 3 Destiny Path will teach you to take yourself seriously without becoming overly serious. Humor, lightheartedness and laughter are vital ingredients of your true self, but you will be unable to use them until you are able to feel true happiness. There is a huge difference between humor and happiness. Ask any professional comedian about that, or why the clown is often painted with an exaggerated smile to camouflage his or her tears. You will never be able to feel and experience genuine happiness until you recognize and let go of all that sadness that is buried deep inside; the grief you are refusing to express, and all that anger and fear you are burying under what you call your sense of humor.

3s need to be liked, and often gravitate to positions in which they can make others feel good. But that’s a difficult position to maintain if you yourself don’t feel good. So, have the courage to do what you truly want in life; not what you hope will please or impress others; not what you believe you are limited to because of lack of opportunity, funds, or education. Genuine self-approval, and not just its appearance, is what you must strive for. Then you can live free from the worry of who you should be trying to impress. Learn to impress, please, and be yourself. Worrying about what others think is a source of great unhappiness for you.

3 represents friendship. You must learn that people’s priorities change along with their experiences. So do the feelings people have for one another. It can be painful when 3s realize they no longer have anything in common with someone they believed was a friend; or frightening when they realize how much they do have in common with someone they don’t particularly like. It is not your role to keep everyone happy, or to sacrifice your freedom in the name of friendship or social acceptance. You are a natural performer, but there is no need for you to be “on-stage” all the time. You thrive in natural surroundings in which you can be calm and centered. Your greatest inspiration comes from nature itself.

3s know they are meant to communicate. Some assume that what they communicate must, therefore, always be ‘right’. But if you do not listen, you will miss the other side of the story. Without the input of others, you cannot learn anything new and your ‘act’ becomes stale. This is a difficult lesson for a 3. Notice how your need to be right – your fear of being wrong – stops communication in its tracks.

We are living in times of monumental change. What may have been true yesterday may not be true today. Be willing to learn new things and your communications will always be fresh, entertaining and inspiring. There is no need to be constantly talking, gesturing, making people laugh, gossiping, or repeating word for word what you have heard others say about people, situations, and trends. When you form opinions that are based on fact – and gut feelings – rather than mere hearsay, others will want to hear what you have to say.

3s are natural designers, which is why they are so often found in the beauty business or other creative fields. This is a good start. But, surface beauty is an illusion. Your true talents emerge when you look beneath the surface of things and people. Only when you see and accept the inner reality of what you are dealing with will you be able to express your spectacular originality. Never judge a book by its cover, or a person by their “look”. It is all veneer. Real beauty is a matter of what is going on inside.

When your imagination is free from the masochistic bonds of peer pressure, your creative abilities are astonishing. The only approval you need is your own. You must realize just how much creative energy exists inside you – under your surface appearance. No one has more potential for creative genius than a 3. Unfortunately, no one is more prone to wasting this potential than a 3. This does not have to be the case if you are willing to learn new things, and to adjust and fine-tune as you go.

Your urge to follow popular things and people and to establish a position for yourself in society is not without reason. Your desire to be popular is part of the 3 experience. You need to be liked. But you often spend so much time trying to please everyone else that you have no time to figure out what you would like to do for yourself. Many 3s give the appearance of being superficial when, in fact, their feelings and talents are extraordinarily complex.

It can be difficult for you to focus on one thing at a time. Your well-disguised self consciousness often outweighs your ability to concentrate. You tend to spread your energies in too many directions. Your ability to start things is impressive. Finishing things is another matter. Ironically, one of the reasons you cannot focus on one thing long enough to complete it is that you are seeking approval. This can be a vicious cycle until you learn to take responsibility for your own mistakes, your own happiness, your own success, and your own life.

When you worry about what others think of you, your imagination becomes stifled and cannot produce the creative wonders it is capable of producing. A free imagination is limitless. You may believe that you are already creative. Others may see your talents too. But it is probably only a pale reflection of your true potential. If your ideas are not original then your imagination is not free. Your ideas cannot be original if they are based on pleasing others instead of yourself.

Many 3s cannot tolerate silence. They are so self-conscious in quiet atmospheres that they will talk about anything in order to fill the silent void. Then they find themselves on a giant verbal roll and have difficulty ending the conversation. They feel they must talk, even when they have nothing to say.

Watching and listening to 3s telling a story is quite an experience in itself. The pitch of the voice changes according to the attention being received. Watch how the 3 reacts to and interacts with an audience, and how he physically moves into the audience to maintain its attention. He can repeat the same story over and over, along with the same mannerisms, the same sound bites, and the same enthusiasm as when the story was first told. If the listeners tire of the story, embellishments are added to keep it exciting. When a 3’s communication skills are not developed, we see and hear a person who constantly repeats the same old stories as if they are stuck in the past – which they are.

When 3s feel out of their depth, they can feign interest in what is being said, but are not really listening. They are waiting for the first opportunity to change the subject to one they feel more comfortable with. And, there you have it! Communication is destroyed.

But when 3s realize that intelligent, timely and purposeful communication is their function in life, we see and hear a person who has the power to learn new things and to influence and inspire the entire world. That is why you are here and, in this age of lies and misinformation, yours is a serious mission indeed.

When you do focus for a prolonged period on something you feel passionate about, you are a beauty to behold. You belong in a lifestyle that appreciates and contributes to creativity, and engages in social contact. If you are not involved in creative pursuits, then you should be around those who are. You are meant to be with creative, passionate, emotional people so that you can understand the creative process, learn to take your emotions seriously through their example, and find your own passion along the way. You came into this lifetime to learn how to create – how to turn ideas into reality!

Recognize your tendency to criticize, especially in your younger years, and especially in reference to the appearance of other people. These antisocial traits need to be turned into genuine friendliness and acceptance. You can hurt others with your careless use of words, but if others criticize you, you can be cut to the quick. Don’t dish out what you cannot take.

3 is the number of appearances. Your own appearance has manifested to make you memorable. The way you look is important to you, but there is likely to be an aspect of your physical appearance that causes you concern. 3 is the number of attraction. You are at your most attractive when you are being yourself. When your emotions are free, your physical appearance changes to meet your own approval. In other words, if you believe you are beautiful, so will everyone else. But remember we are talking about belief: not pretence, not the appearance of belief.

3s often get stuck in time-warps, causing them to cling to people, beliefs and styles that are out of date. Popularity can only be maintained in the present, otherwise the only people you will attract are those who are also stuck in times gone by. Release yourself from the anchors of the past by releasing the old unexpressed emotions that are holding you there. Your appearance – your physical presence – mirrors what you are feeling on the inside. Once you recognize your self consciousness and learn to relax with yourself, inside and out, you will attract the right people, instead of a string of superficial acquaintances who are going nowhere and have nothing to offer.

The 3 Destiny Path contains the gifts of words, attraction, sociability, creativity, optimism, memory, friendship, and humor. Use these talents to see beyond what others see. Break through the chains of popular opinion and dare to live spontaneously. Seek the JOYS of life, and not just the appearance of joy. Discover real happiness through communicating your own experiences, happy or sad, to others. Find your own happiness and others will realize that they can find theirs. Take yourself and your 3 energy seriously, because what the world needs more than anything right now is a serious dose of 3’s optimism, beauty, creativity, and laughter.

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