#always makes me wonder how the others felt

[stevesherdaddynowlover]

the next level [s.h.] 18+

an: i have not written in months but this ask revived a little part of me i think. i missed you and hope to have some motivation to write every once in a while…if you’ll have me. love you big 💌 (feel free to send requests as always and lmk what you think!!!)

masterlist here!!

summary: coming to terms with being hopelessly in love with your long term best friend is easy enough (it’s not) until the years of touching and tension come to a head on a visit home from school 

(steve harrington x fem!reader) 18+ only

warnings: tiny use of y/n, fluff, cursing, teasing, messy kissing, spit, use of a toy, dirty talk, smidge of f masturbation, fingering, p in v, pet names, yearninggggg MDNI!!!!!!

wc: 10k+

There has always been something between you and Steve. Stolen glances and lingering touches that teetered right on the edge of friendship or something more. Drunken kisses that had your cheeks tinged pink and your heart racing far faster than normal. 

Despite the tension between you, the heated eyes and sickly sweet pet names, what really warmed you was just how good Steve was. He’d held you while you cried, listened to you ramble on and complain about everything under the sun for as long as you needed and never made you feel like it was too much. That’s what you really loved about him, he never made you feel like you were too much. 

Even when you got in those moods of yours, the ones where you pushed him away because you couldn’t handle how you felt and didn’t know how to cope with the thoughts in your head, he didn’t budge. He’d give you a kiss on your forehead, hold his lips there for a few seconds too long and whisper how he loved you, how he understood and how he’d be here when you were ready to talk about it. 

Now that you think about it, you really can’t remember a time where you weren’t in love with Steve Harrington.

 His ears must have been burning, your phone buzzing against your thigh has you shaking your head to clear your thoughts and you look down to be met with his name flashing across your screen. 

“Hello, Harrington.” 

“It took you a whole 7 seconds to pick up my call, I could have been dying over here.” 

Even though he can’t see you, you roll your eyes at him, laughing under your breath. “And I’m your first call?” 

“Who the hell else would be my first call, princess.” 

What you can only describe as a gasp gets caught in your throat and you hope he didn’t catch it. Your cheeks are warm and there’s a swirling in your tummy at the use of the pet name that has you gripping the phone a little too tight. 

“911, I hope.” 

His laugh is loud and without even closing your eyes you can tell it’s the kind where his head is thrown back and his eyes are squeezed tight. You know his throat is on display and you wonder if he’s cut his hair or if he still has those curls at the nape of his neck you love so much. 

“God, I miss you.” It slips out before you can stop it, cheeks turning red in an instant. His laughter slows as if he’s sobering up and you curse yourself under your breath. Your mouth opens to say something, anything to dig yourself out of this awkward hole you’ve fallen into when he speaks. “I miss you too, sweet girl. I always miss you. All the fucking time.” 

There’s a ringing in your ears as you let his words hit your skin, stick to you and try and worm their way into parts of yourself you’ve tried to keep locked up. He’s your friend. Your best friend. Best friends can miss each other, but hearing him laugh like that and just hearing his voice without being able to see him, to touch him makes you feel like your chest is caving in and it’s suddenly harder to breathe. 

Steve’s the kind of person that takes up the whole room. All eyes are drawn to him as soon as he walks in, chocolate eyes that you swear to god sparkle when he smiles, deep dimples and a stray curl that twists against his forehead. And when his gaze catches yours, it’s like time stops. Everything outside of him is a blur and your whole body buzzes under his gaze. 

At least you think that’s how everyone feels when they’re in a room with him. 

He’s still in your ear talking about plans for the holidays and all the things you have to see, as if anything has or will ever change in Hawkins. He ends the call with a promise to talk tomorrow, but you know one of you will end up texting before the night is over anyways. 

A gust of wind from your open window sends goosebumps across your bare arms, the chilly November air has a bite to it and it sends you back to a memory of Steve from high school that has a smile threatening to take over. 

*5 years ago, sophomore year*

There might be a pink highlighter smudge across your cheek from the way your body jolts from a post study daze at the creak of your window being slid all the way open. 

“You left your window open for me.” 

It’s not a question, you both know that. Your body seems to realize who it is before your mind does, relaxing back into your bed and giving Steve a small, timid smile from where he’s crawling through your window. 

Words don’t seem to be an option right now so you shrug at him, scooting over so there’s room for him to slide in next to you. It’s a routine the two of you seem to have, coming to each other for comfort, when you’re bored, when you miss the other. Really any reason to be together, you’ll take. 

The bed dips beside you and a second later his arm is around you, pulling you closer so you’re tucked into him. “My own personal Wendy Darling, hm?” He chuckles at the blush crawling up your neck and touching your ears. 

One thing you’ve noticed is that Steve almost always has a hand on you, like he needs to feel your skin against his if he’s in the same room. Like now, laying in your bed his hand has made its way up to your hair and he’s twirling a few strands between his fingers, tugging gently every once in a while. 

It’s quiet in the room, the hum of the fan is persistent even in the cold because you can’t sleep without the noise. Your cheek is pressed tight against him, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes lulling you to sleep. 

You can feel yourself slipping away when he speaks, the vibration in his chest making your eyes pop open. “Why do you leave the window open for me? It’s not really safe.” He laughs a little at the end, not sincere but you know he’s doing it to cover up the hint of real curiosity in his voice. 

It takes you a second to answer, not because you don’t know but because you can’t fathom that he doesn’t know. It’ll always be open for him. No matter what happens or what changes between the two of you, you will always open it. 

“Because I love you. Because I want you to know that this is always going to be a safe space for you and that you can always come to me, for anything.” You could go on, to tell him how the creak of the window is your favorite sound because you know that it means he’s here, that he was thinking of you. You could tell him how you’re so in love with him there’s probably not a thing you wouldn’t do to make him comfortable, to make him happy. 

But you don’t. You look up at him and know that your eyes give away more than you like but it’s okay because so do his. 

He presses a kiss to your temple and even though it didn’t seem possible, pulls you closer to his chest and smiles to himself when your breathing evens out and you melt into him. 

*end of flashback*

Opening your eyes again, the coldness of your skin tells you that you’re not in your childhood bedroom in Hawkins, Steve isn’t pressed up against you, and you’re not in high school anymore. You look around at your too small but cozy apartment in Chicago, 2 years of college under your belt and an ache in your chest at the absence of the familiarity of home. Of Steve. 

A ping from your phone has you looking down and just as you suspected, neither of you could wait until tomorrow and you can’t help the giddy feeling that takes over immediately. 

Steve: Forgot to mention this, even though it should go without saying, but don’t make any plans without me when you’re home. Might even handcuff us together if I’m feeling crazy. 

Y/n: You have handcuffs on standby?

Steve: Wouldn’t you like to know. 

And suddenly the countdown to Thanksgiving break seems much more exciting and you realize you would very much like to know. 

————————————-

The next three weeks fly by and before you know it you’re pulling into the driveway of your childhood home, a scarf wrapped around you because the heat isn’t working right in your too old car and a smile on your face at the sight of the front door being pulled open and your siblings pouring out to greet you. 

No matter how badly you miss your family, it doesn’t take long for your social battery to drain. You’re tired from the drive and you’ve spent the last few hours answering questions about school and friends and even the weather. 

Pulling yourself up the stairs takes effort and the click of the door to your childhood bedroom behind you sends waves of relief through your body. 

But being back in this room is the same every time. 

Your body is on clockwork, feet shuffling you across the room before you even know what’s happening and you truly feel a sense of home when you reach up and flip the lock on your window. 

—————————————

Fingertips skimming across your forehead, then your cheek, then cupping your jaw, you find yourself leaning into the touch, even though you’re not sure who it is. But really you do. You always do. 

One eye cracks open but it’s so bright you squeeze them closed again. When did you fall asleep? It must be morning, early by the looks of it. It’s when a thumb swipes over your bottom lip that your eyes pop open, mouth opening to yell or just gape—you’re not sure which. But before you can his palm is covering your mouth, fingers splayed against your jaw and a wicked grin on his lips. 

“Shhh, s’just me. Good morning, princess.” 

His reassurance does little to slow down your racing heart, lips tingling where his skin touches yours and you fight the urge to pucker them against his palm. It’s like he knows it too, mischievous eyes and a lop sided smile as he takes you in for the first time in months. 

Between him waking you up and pressing his hand over your mouth, you haven’t even realized he’s on top of you, thighs spread over your hips and the hand not on your mouth is buried in the sheets beside your head holding him up. 

You’re lucky you slipped on a t-shirt—an old one of his of course— before bed or he would be able to see the red creeping up your chest and curling around your neck at the smell of him. Vanilla and some sweet fruit you can’t bother to remember when he’s inches away from you. He must have showered just before he came, still damp curls framing his face and strawberry lips glossy from the chapstick you know he has in his back pocket. 

Just as handsome as you remember, somehow more so, you can’t help the sigh that lands against his palm, your arms reaching up to wrap themselves around his neck and pull him down so he’s flush against you. You whisper his name into the space between you, what little there is, and feel him tense for just a split second before he’s molding himself against you. 

It’s a little dramatic and a lot embarrassing when you feel tears well up in your eyes, how much you missed him and how right this feels all becoming too much. Blinking them away as quick as possible, you both stay still for seconds or maybe minutes before he pulls back, smiling down at you, eyes catching yours. 

“Who knew king Steve was so desperate for a hug from me he’d break in at 6 am.” It’s mumbled against his palm that’s now loosely pressed against you, but he hears it all the same. There’s a flash in his eyes and you get to see them turn serious for just a split second before that glint returns. The one that tells you you’re in trouble. 

“Oh I’ve been desperate for you forever, baby.” He doesn’t give you anytime to react or to even process what he’s said because in the next second he’s pulling off of you, giving a quick pinch to your cheek and winking at you as he pulls open your bedroom door to head downstairs. 

“Now c’mon, I’m hungry and I can’t have my breakfast in bed with your family downstairs.” 

A scoff of surprise leaves your lips, eyes wide as you watch him bound down the stairs, your family welcoming him with a chorus of hellos and welcomes as you try to figure out what the hell just happened. 

You’re pulling on the first clothes you see when your eyes catch on the window, a smile and a flicker in your chest when you see it’s still half open. 

Breakfast passes in a blur. It’s loud and busy and no one lets anyone else finish a sentence. Steve’s thigh stays flush against yours the whole time, his hand coming to give it a squeeze when he catches you drifting off amongst the chaos. 

It’s when your mom quiets the room, everyone going still that you stiffen under his touch. “So Steve, any new girlfriend?” Your dad takes a swig of his coffee, eyes cast down at his plate. Your sisters are holding their breath and looking between you and Steve with frantic eyes. And your mom is painfully unaware that you’re in love with Steve and this is the last thing you want to hear about. Ever. Everyone seems to know except for her and you can’t even be mad when she’s so genuine. 

His hand is still on your thigh and suddenly it feels hot to the touch. If he’s nervous or uncomfortable he doesn’t show it, still wearing that smug smile that’s become his signature. 

“Ahh no, you know me. Only girls in my life are at this table. Plus Robin.” You swear she swoons, your sisters too. And you would roll your eyes at him if it wasn’t for the way he was rubbing his thumb in soothing circles on your leg, eyes darting to the side to catch yours. 

The room roars back to life at his admission and you hate to admit how relieved you are to hear he’s not seeing anyone. With everyone yelling over each other no one seems to notice you lean a little closer to whisper in his ear. 

“Good one, Harrington. You’ve got them all wrapped around your finger.” 

Something must have changed between the last visit home and this one. He’s got a way about him that screams confidence. He’s always been cocky, but he’s more direct with you now. You love it. It’s always been intense between you two, flirting and touching. 

But it’s been taken up a notch, a new level added to the game that you weren’t aware of. Because when he leans close and lets his lips touch the shell of your ear, you know you’ve entered a whole new ball park. 

“It seems to have worked on you too with the way your thighs are wrapped around my hand right now.” 

————————————————

Steve

It doesn’t matter that it’s been two days, the feel of my hand stuck between her warm thighs while we ate breakfast is all I can think about. The way they closed tighter around me when I leaned in toward her. Fuck. 

I feel like a desperate little puppy nipping at her heels with the way I’ve been trying to spend every waking minute with her. We’ve always been close, but since she moved there’s this ache in my chest that only eases when I get a whiff of her coconut shampoo or when I feel her warm skin on mine. 

She doesn’t even notice the way I watch her, I’d notice. My eyes always find her in a crowded room or on Main Street on a Saturday afternoon. They watch the twitch in her nose when she laughs and the way she subconsciously swipes her hair behind her ears even when it’s already tucked away. 

———————————————

“Soooo, what are we seeing today?” 

One of the things you loved most in the world was going to the movies. Whether it was with someone or by yourself, something about sitting down with strangers and watching a movie on the big screen just made you giddy. The smell of fresh popcorn and the posters lining the walls as you walked to your theater felt like magic. 

And as much as you loved Steve, loved spending time with him, taking him to the movies felt like taking a toddler. It was always a huge ordeal, a hassle even, but you secretly loved it. He’d be on your heels the whole time, stuffing overpriced snacks into his arms and making himself sticky while mixing flavors of soda. 

You could never tell him what you were seeing until you were there or he would pester you about who was in it, the plot, the filming, anything he could think of. It was endearing, how interested he was. 

“Gladiator II.” 

When Steve didn’t immediately say anything you turned around, peanut m&ms, twizzlers, and popcorn spilling out of his hands and some concoction of a diet coke tucked under his arm. 

“You’re gonna make me sit and watch you drool over Pedro and Paul for almost 3 hours, you little freak!” 

A loud laugh bursts out, your hand reaching out to tug on his elbow so he keeps walking towards your theater. “That’s not the only reason we’re here. Besides, don’t act so innocent. I’m sure you’ll be drooling too.” 

He shrugs, his cheeks a little pink and a lopsided smile curving on his face as you make your way to your seats. You’ve no more than sat down before his hand finds yours, fingers looping together and pulling your arm towards him so it’s half on the armrest, half in his lap. It makes your heart race, especially when you glance over to see he’s staring ahead like it’s second nature for the two of you to be touching. 

Which I suppose at this point, it is. 

Normally the crunch of popcorn so close to your ear would have you fidgeting in annoyance, but for some maddening reason you find everything Steve does sweet. The little dribble of butter on the corner of his mouth doesn’t make you cringe, it makes you want to lean over and swipe it away with your thumb…or your tongue. 

And you feel yourself fall a little further in love with him when he leans over and opens his palm to reveal a handful of blue peanut m&m’s for you because he knows that even though they all taste the same, those are your favorite. 

Halfway through the movie you’ve accepted that you’ll have to come see it again, this time on your own—because even though you’ve been looking forward to it for months—your focus is solely on the brunette boy beside you. 

Shoving popcorn down your throat is doing little to distract you from the warmth of his hand or his arm pressed tight against yours. You’ve eaten half his twizzlers just to keep yourself occupied and it doesn’t help that he keeps feeding them to you with a warm smile and a sly wink.

You find yourself watching him out of the corner of your eye the whole time. The wince of his face at the gore, the way his eyes widen during intense scenes, his lips parted just so. God! How does he look so effortlessly pretty watching a fucking movie!

There’s a hitch in your breath you hope he doesn’t notice when he subconsciously squeezes your hand or tugs it closer to him. By the time the end of the movie is nearing, you’re all but squirming in your seat at the sight of his bottom lip swollen and red from how he’s been biting down on it the whole time. 

If it wasn’t clear he was enthralled by this movie, you’d be annoyed with him because surely he’s being this attractive on purpose! He’s doing this just to make your thighs clench and your eyes glaze over at the sight of his arm bulging in his long sleeve shirt when he shifts in his seat. His words from earlier come back to you and you fight off a laugh at the irony that you’re sitting here drooling over him for nearly three hours. 

Tearing your eyes away from him when the credits start to roll is annoyingly difficult, but you try. Somehow willing yourself to act like you just paid any attention to the movie that you made him watch when in reality you only focused on the curve of his nose and the pout on his lips.

“Okay, you win. That was awesome.” The most you manage is a noncommittal hum that only encourages him to keep going, nipping at your heels as you weave your way through spilled popcorn and candy wrappers to the exit. 

“—and I was drooling over them a little bit, but can you blame me? Did you see his abs??” You nod your head and hope that’s enough to satisfy him because now you’re feeling overwhelmed and irritated that you spent the whole movie watching your best friend like a freak AND missed seeing Paul Mescal’s abs. 

“What’s your deal? You’re like…catatonic.” It takes you a second to realize he’s stopped walking and is a few feet behind you. He looks a little amused and you wonder if your face is giving away exactly how you’re feeling right now. 

“I’m good, it was good. I’m glad you liked it, told you I know my stuff.” Plastering on the fakest smile you have, and he knows it too, you spin on your heel and only make it a few steps before his hand on your arm is stopping you. 

You turn to him on instinct and almost gasp at how close he is, chest inches from yours and a smugness in his eyes as he looks down at you. “Is that all?” His voice is deep and maybe even a little dark and you feel thankful your jacket hides the goosebumps that cover your arms at his tone.

“Mhm.” Nodding and avoiding all eye contact you attempt a step back but it’s pointless because for every one you take, he matches it. Until you find yourself tucked into a corner of the movie theater, your back quite literally up against the wall, and Steve Harrington so close that every time he breathes his chest brushes yours. 

“What was your favorite part?”

He’s got you, you both know it. You could give some basic, generic answer and have a pretty good shot of it being right, but Steve knows you better. He knows that after a movie you’re able to give detail about it, and right now you couldn’t do that if your life depended on it. 

You open your mouth to make up some bullshit answer, then close it again. It doesn’t matter though, he’s pushing you further into the wall and leaning down to let his lips touch the shell of your ear before you can comprehend what’s happening. 

“Was it when you were watching me chew on twizzlers? Or when I tugged your hand into my lap and laid it on my thigh? Or was it when I stretched and my shirt rode up a little bit, hm?” 

If you weren’t so turned on, you’d be humiliated—though you’re sure that’ll come later. There’s a pounding in your ears and you know it can’t be normal for your heart to beat this fast. He pulls back just a fraction to look at you and you know it’s written all over your face. Desperation and embarrassment and want. 

“Speak up, baby.” 

Your mouth opens and closes a few times, eyes darting between his and the smirk he’s wearing while you try and come up with something—anything to say. But your mind is filled with him. Thoughts of him and his hands and the way he smells and the way his jaw flexes when he chews. The way his thighs fill his jeans so nice it makes your head swim and the way his hair does still curl at the nape of his neck like he knows you love. 

“All of it.” It’s breathless and quiet and if it wasn’t practically on top of you, he wouldn’t have heard it. But he did, loud and clear. You can tell by the way his eyes widen a little bit and that sick smile that you’ve become obsessed with grows. 

He nods at you like he knew that already, and he probably did. Taking your hand in his once again and all but peeling you from the wall. Your frustration grows when he’s quiet on the drive home, humming along to the music and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. He’s quiet when you get out and walk towards your front door. He’s quiet when he presses a sweet, innocent kiss to your cheek before telling you goodnight and walking back to his car. 

Despite an attempt to calm yourself down you’re pretty sure you stomp up the stairs to your room, ripping off your clothes and slipping on one of Steve’s shirts that you stole from him years ago. 

There’s papers from your physics class scattered over your bed from a sad attempt at studying over break and even though you know you won't be able to focus, you sit yourself down in the middle of them again and try to focus on the words staring back at you. 

Anything is better than thinking about Steve and his stupid strawberry lips and his stupid hair that’s so soft and feels so good when it’s threaded through your fingers. Your phone is lying somewhere on the floor, ears perked and waiting for the tell tale buzz of a text or call.

But you hear nothing. Glaring down at your physics notes like they’ve offended you and feeling the urge to burn them or throw them across the room or rip them to shreds for not doing their job in distracting you. There’s no telling how much time has passed, ten minutes or an hour, you have no idea. But when the creak of your window opening has you almost jumping up and running towards it like a dog when their owner gets home from work. 

Acting indifferent is pointless, he saw your true feelings plain as day earlier and you don’t have the energy or the heart to act like you’re not ecstatic at the thought of him coming back for you. 

He pulls himself through with little effort, like he’s done it a thousand times—and he has. He carries himself across your room with confidence and ease and it makes your heart skip a beat. He hasn’t changed clothes and you wonder if he even made it home before he decided to turn back around.

Neither of us say anything, not when he takes my stack of notes and moves them to the desk across the room, not when he kicks off his shoes and climbs on the bed, our knees pressed against each other. I watch him take me in, doing a double take at what I’m wearing before he looks back to me again. 

The tension between us fills the entire room, and even though we both obviously want it, maybe we’re also a little scared of when it finally snaps.

Steve

I think that I’ve been holding my breath since I realized it was my shirt that was hanging off her shoulder and making my mouth water at the thought of biting into the skin where her neck meets her shoulder. If you’re wearing shorts—or anything—underneath, I can’t tell and it’s making my throat dry. 

It only took me just about four minutes of driving before I turned my ass around and all but sped back to her house. I climbed up and through her window without even thinking about it, like it was muscle memory.

“Steve…are you okay?” 

Despite the genuine concern I hear in her voice, I can’t bring myself to move. I can’t imagine how I look right now, jaw dropped a little and eyes trained on my shirt draped over your thighs. My mouth is moving but nothing is coming out and if I look how I feel, it’s like a fish out of water. 

We’ve been to the movie together countless times, but feeling her watch me the whole time, lip taken between her teeth and thighs squeezing together when I would move or grab her hand…it drove me fucking crazy. I love the back and forth between us, love the build up, but having her pressed against me and all but panting in my ear was my fucking breaking point. 

My eyes only leave her when I feel a hand—her hand—on my thigh, the touch burning through my jeans and I know we both feel the way I twitch under her palm. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so quiet. Is anyone home?” Her head ducks down to meet my eyes and I manage to huff out a small laugh that makes the furrow of her brows ease a little. 

“Shirt.” For some reason that’s the only word that slips out of my mouth and I curse myself for sounding like such an idiot. Shirt? Really? It only seems to amuse her though, maybe confuse her a little as she looks between my shirt and hers—mine—before she realizes what I mean and blinks up at me sheepishly. 

“Shirt.” Parroting my words back to me, we sit in silence for a few seconds before she continues and I feel my cock twitch in my jeans at the admission. “I know it’s yours it’s just…it’s become a bit of a thing for me I guess. It helps me sleep.” Her shoulders shrug like it’s no big deal but her eyes won’t meet mine anymore. 

The back and forth in my head lasts all but three seconds before I’m reaching forward and fisting the material of my favorite shirt I thought that I had lost years ago and tugging her forward so she’s half on the bed, half in my lap.

She might gasp at the sudden movement but I can’t be sure when all I can hear is a pounding in my ears. Our foreheads are touching, noses rubbing together and mouths open as we sit there. Nobody moves, both of us waiting for the other to push forward. With the way I have the material fisted in my hand, the neck of the shirt is pulled away and a quick glance down shows she’s not wearing a bra under the shirt either. And even though I knew that, her pebbled nipples—from me or the cool air—cause a groan to work its way up my throat and I close my eyes in what must look like agony. 

It is agony. Her smooth skin exposed to me, her warm breath fanning across my face and her eyelashes fluttering as we stay pressed together. I take another quick peek, tongue darting out to swipe across my bottom lip subconsciously and she fucking giggles when she notices. “Perv.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You’re not.” 

“You’re right.”

I’m worried she might be pulling away from me when I see her hands lift, but that worry is washed away when her palm presses to the nape of my neck, bringing her lips so close to mine they brush each other when we breathe. 

“Christ—are you gonna kiss me or not?” She sounds frustrated, almost as frustrated as I feel having her this close to me and not tasting her. 

“I’m thinking about it.” And I have been for years. Probably will for years after this. Fuck I’ll be thinking about kissing her until I die. 

“What’s it gonna take for you to do it?” Despite the edge to her voice, the glimmer in her eye tells me that she’s enjoying this just as much as I am. The back and forth that feels like torture but somehow also feels so fucking good. 

“Beg.” Beg. I’m telling her to beg as if I’m not seconds away from slipping off the bed and to my knees, praying to her or to whoever she wants that I get to touch her or taste her or do whatever the hell she wants. I sound like an asshole, a smug one, and it’s slipping. I’m seconds away from giving her anything she wants. 

Her eyes widen, a glimpse of what I recognize as defiance flashing in them and it makes my heart race a little faster—if that’s possible. But then she glances down at my lips, slick and shiny with spit and practically begging for her and I see her resolve slipping as fast as mine. 

Hand slipping from the nape of my neck, she brings them around and it’s her turn to twist her hands into my shirt, yanking me with force I didn’t know she had and it feels so close, so good as if we’re sharing the same breath. “Please, Steve. I feel like I’m going fucking crazy. I need it. Need you. Please kiss me.” 

It feels like every part of me is on fire, her eyes wide and pleading and I have to hold back a whimper at the sincerity of her voice, like she really does need it. But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t push my luck. 

“You sound awfully desperate, princess.” Despite the words coming out of my mouth, it doesn’t come out teasing like I hoped. It comes out in a whine that has me throbbing helplessly. 

My hands are on her thighs, fingers digging into the soft flesh there to ground me and I choke on a gasp when she moves her hands upward to cup my jaw. “Oh I am but…” Her words trail off, hanging in the air between us and I think I black out when her thumb comes to swipe over my bottom lip, my mouth opening automatically. We’re so close I don’t need to look to see if she’s smirking, I can feel it. 

My lips close around her thumb, humming pathetically when I feel her press down on my tongue. My eyes are closed and I’m positive there will be little bruises from the way my fingertips are grabbing at her thighs. “It seems like you’re just as desperate as me, pretty boy.” 

With a pop she slips her thumb from my mouth and I groan at the loss but before I can say anything she’s closing the distance between us, soft lips meeting my damp ones like our lives depend on it. I moan into her mouth as soon as I get a taste of the cherry lip gloss she must have been wearing earlier today. 

The need to be closer to her is overwhelming, so much so that I startle us both when I push her back, mouths connected the whole time and cradle my hand on the back of her head when she falls against her pillows. Her legs spread for me with ease, thighs wrapped around my hips and pulling me into her. 

“Not the first time you’ve been on top of me like this.” She pulls away just enough to mumble the words before she’s kissing me again, quick and hurried like I would ever go anywhere when I have her underneath me like this. Like I would ever go anywhere at all. 

“And please god don’t let it be the last.” There’s a small chuckle that falls from her lips but it’s cut off with a gasp when I push my hips forward, the bulge in my jeans very apparent. It’s also clear she’s not wearing shorts. I can feel the warmth of her through her flimsy underwear and it makes my head spin. 

There’s a string of spit connecting us when I pull myself off of her the slightest bit, my arms somehow holding me above her even though my whole body feels weak and pliant from her touch. Looking down, I could fucking cry from the sight of her. Swollen lips that are slick with our spit, glossy eyes and a flush that follows the curve of her neck and rests against her cheeks so pretty. 

Without the distraction of her lips, I thrust my hips forward again and watch as her eyes grow wide and her mouth fall open just slightly at the friction. It does little to ease the discomfort but I keep going anyway, feeling her thighs tighten around my hips and the rise and fall of her chest getting quicker. 

She’s making these noises, these little whimpers that make my cock twitch and my arms threaten to give out below me. “I feel like a fucking teenage boy, but it feels too good to stop.” My voice doesn’t sound like my own, raspy and desperate and beyond fucked out. 

“I don’t wanna cum without really touching you.” I almost don’t hear her, my eyes roaming her body and landing on where my shirt has ridden up, her inner thighs a little pink from the denim rubbing against them and a wet patch visible on the front of her light green panties that have me taking deep breaths. 

But once I do register her words, my eyes fly up to hers and the air around us is still. There’s a twisting in my belly that has my hips stuttering as I search her face to make sure I heard that right. There’s a second where she glances down between us and before I can even wrap my head around what’s happening, I watch her hand slip, skating down over her tits and then her stomach and slipping under the band of her underwear. 

“What the fuck.” I don’t realize I’ve said it out loud until she smiles shyly at me as if I can’t see the outline of her hand or the way she’s biting her lip because she’s fucking touching herself right underneath me. I’m like a bobble head with the way I nod back and forth between her face and her covered hand. 

This must be a dream. It has to be. 

I don’t realize I’ve said that out loud either until there’s a pinch to my thigh that has me yelping, a small pout on my lips as I look down at her. She looks amused and also pleased with herself that she’s got me so scattered right now. 

“It is not a dream, Harrington. You are very awake and very much here on top of me making me do all the work.” 

My brain is slowly catching up to what’s happening, the reality of it all smacking me across the face when I feel the brush of her knuckles—through her fucking underwear—against my stomach. 

“You want me to touch you.” There’s no question. I might be telling myself instead of her at this point, I’m not sure. 

“I want you to fuck me, but based on the looks of that—” She makes a pointed glance at my still very prominent bulge that’s pressed against her hip, “you’re gonna need to stretch me out a little first.” 

Maybe it's because I’ve finally realized what’s going on. Maybe it’s the cockiness she has right now that, while very fucking hot, I have the urge to wipe off her face. Maybe it’s a mix of the two, because something in me finally clicks. 

Balancing on one arm, I bring my pointer and middle finger to hover just over her mouth and smile to myself when she glances between them and my face. 

“Get them wet.” 

That mask of confidence slips just enough to make me smirk down at her, eyes round and dark as she hesitates. “I don’t think you need the extra help.” I can see her trying to stay ahead, to keep me on my toes with her smart mouth, and it only makes me harder. 

Cocking my head to the side, I squint my eyes just so, a silent challenge. “And? Get them wet.” It seems to work this time, her lips falling open and head coming forward to take my fingers into her mouth like it’s second nature. She closes her lips around them without me saying anything and I have to fight off a groan when she lulls her tongue, pulling them in deeper. 

I’ve moved off her just enough that when I thrust forward, my hips meet the air. Watching her bob her head on my fingers is maybe the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, thighs twitching and eyes threatening to roll back in my head kind of hot. 

The thought crosses my mind to let her keep going, to see how long she’ll go for but my resolve is slipping and the need to feel her is much more overwhelming. I pull my fingers from her with a pop, ears buzzing at the little whine that slips from her.

“Don’t pout, you did the same to me.” Before she can protest I slip my hand between us, pushing her hand away and teasing my fingers under the band of her underwear. I notice the quick intake of breath even though my eyes are trained elsewhere, her hips moving up just slightly so my hand slips further down. 

Clicking my tongue at her I move my hand back, fingers ghosting over her clit and I smile to myself at the quiet fuck that tumbles out of her mouth. “Looks like you were right, honey. Don’t think I needed the extra help after all.” 

There’s a light shove at my chest and a deep tinge to her cheeks, one arm thrown over to cover her eyes while I take my time feeling every inch of her I can. “Do I have to beg for you to finally just touch me, Harrington?” 

While there’s a part of me that wants to hear it, there’s a bigger part of me that wants to reassure her that I’m just as—if not more—desperate for this, for her. I need her to know that even though I’m an asshole, she has me so tightly wound around her finger it’s embarrassing. 

“I should be the one begging. I’m so fucking lucky you even want me near you, let alone to touch you. Don’t forget that. I’m the desperate one here, so much so it’s kinda pathetic.” 

Instead of letting her say anything I lean forward and give a quick peck to her lips that she chases as I move away, huffing as she falls back against her bed. I take the opportunity to give her what she wants, circling her clit once, twice, three times and basking in the way her hands fist the sheets at her sides. 

Her legs fall open, inviting me in and I notice my bottom lip is swollen and sore from biting down on it while I watch her. The feel of her soaking my hand is etched in my brain, the way she rocks against me to guide me where she wants me, the dimple between her brow from the pinched expression she holds while I ease the ache I caused. 

It’s when I move my fingers lower that we both seem to be holding our breaths, my eyes on her still clothed cunt and her eyes on me as I slip one finger inside, cursing under my breath at how warm and messy she is. 

This time my eyes are trained on her as I curl it forward, her body jolting under me. I do it again just to see the way her neck turns a deeper shade of red and her pleading eyes meet mine. It only takes a few minutes before I slip in another, groaning at the lack of resistance. 

“Look at you, taking it like a champ.” Despite the way she rolls her eyes at me, we both know she can’t hide the way she pulsed around my fingers at the comment. 

She opens her mouth to say something, probably telling me shut up or fuck off, but I cut her off with another curl of my fingers, her hand leaving the sheets and moving to grip my arm instead. “Fuck, Steve.” It’s breathless and needy and has my whole body feeling like it’s on fire. My jeans are tight and the zipper is digging into my cock in a way that has my hand twitching. 

But I keep going. 

“Yeah?” 

“You had the right idea, no way could you fit me without this.” 

“Are you gonna clean up the mess you’re making on my hand?” 

I’ve lost control of my mouth, saying the first thing that comes to my mind while I watch her thighs start to shake, closing around my wrist. Her nails are digging into my arm hard and it’s making me throb. 

“I don’t…I just…I want—”

My thumb on her clit while my fingers pump into her has her turning her head to the side to try and bury her face in the pillows. “Cmon, princess. Tell me what you want.” 

“I don’t wanna cum on your fingers!” It comes out in a whine and my hand stills, pulling out of her slowly and watching her pout up at me. “What do you want then?” I’m enjoying this way too much to just give in now when she’s right on the edge. 

“You know.” I do. 

“I don’t.” Liar. 

“Liar.” 

I smirk at her, finally unzipping my jeans to get an inch of relief and feeling giddy over the hopeful look she casts my way when she notices what I’m doing. 

“Do you really wanna keep going back and forth or do you just want to tell me?” She’s trying to look mean and I shouldn’t laugh but the little scowl she’s giving me is just so fucking adorable that I can’t help it. 

She swats at my arm, hooking her finger in one of the belt loops of my jeans and giving it a small tug while she looks around the room like the answer is written on the walls. “Your cock, I guess.” 

“You guess?” God if I was her I would have smacked the shit out of me by now. 

“I know.” 

“You just want to get into my pants.” I feign offence, a hand on my chest and a fake frown that I know doesn’t conceal the smugness in my eyes.

“Well I’m trying.” That gets a laugh out of me, a loud one that turns into giggles as I lean down to press sloppy kisses over her cheeks and forehead and tip of her nose. 

She leaves a playful nip to my chin as I pull back, letting some stray strands of hair fall against my forehead as I hold my still damp fingers in front of her mouth for the second time. 

“Clean up your mess first.” 

This time without hesitation or back talk, she listens. Her mouth is warm and she’s messy with it as she licks my fingers clean, when she’s satisfied with her work she moves her head back to swipe her tongue against my palm. She cocks a brow at me as if to say “happy?” and I can’t help but nod at her. 

Feeling impatient I push myself off the bed, standing beside it and all but ripping my shirt over my head and tossing it somewhere behind me. I pause only once to nod towards her, “yours too, please” it’s low and muffled but she hears me anyways, lifting up to take off my shirt and I will myself to look away or else i'll never get these pants off. 

Hooking my thumbs into the waistband of my pants and boxers, I drag them down, hissing at the slap of my cock against my lower belly, the cool air sending chills over me. He swears he hears you moan but chooses to ignore it in fear of cumming untouched. 

It’s quiet in the room and I feel her gaze burning into me. I take the opportunity to do the same, finally letting myself take all of her in and my knees threaten to buckle at the sight. Her tits are round and full and I swear they’ll fit perfectly in the palm of my hands. Her stomach is soft and I feel the urge to lay down between her thighs and bite into it over and over again. 

“I think you’re drooling.” Her words are quiet and breathless and we both notice the way my cock throbs under her stare. 

“I think you are too.”

Before I can move she’s reaching into her bag on the floor, pulling out a condom and I gape at her when she tugs me forward by grabbing the back of my thigh. She mumbles something under her breath about wanting to put it on but I’m too busy fighting the urge to cum at the touch and fighting the flare of jealousy that rushes through me as she  slips it over me effortlessly. 

Although most of that jealousy is soothed, wiped away when she leans forward to press a kiss to my hip, scattering them across my lower belly and to the other side. 

“How do you want to do this, baby?” 

I watch her glance down at my cock then back up a few times, mulling over in her head and I find it endearing. God I’m a freak. “I think I wanna be on top.” And it takes everything in me not to fall to my knees and worship her, the thought of you on top of him enough to have him leaking into the condom already. 

It takes a little moving around but soon he’s sitting with his back flush against the headboard, legs out in front of him with you perched on his thighs. 

“You’re calling the shots, pretty girl. We go at your pace.” I see some of the nerves evaporate and a sense of pride tickles my chest. He likes being the one to soothe you. 

But any thought I had left in my head is gone when she scoots up, hovering over my aching cock with a shyness that has me smearing our lips together so hard our teeth knock against each other. 

A wordless nod is all it takes for her to reach between us and take the base in her hand, a hitch in my breath at the contact. She paints me up and down before the tip catches and I swear a vein in my neck is threatening to pop. 

“Please.” The breathless plea comes from me and she takes mercy on me, lowering herself down so slowly I swear she isn’t moving at all. It’s so much, so good that I don’t know how I’m supposed to hold off at all. 

She has her hands on my shoulders and I tilt my head to leave reassuring kisses to the inside of her wrists the whole time. What could be minutes or hours—he’s not sure he even knows where he is anymore—passes and the next time I manage to peel my eyes open she’s fully seated on me, little beads of sweat on her forehead and a flush on her chest. 

“Are you okay?” My eyes squeeze shut when she huffs a laugh, clenching around me. 

“Don’t let this go to your head, but fuck, you’re big.” 

“Too late.” God I know I must look like the most smug asshole that’s ever walked the planet. 

Raising off me just a little, my whole body tenses when she shifts back down. The pressure, the heat, the slickness is making my head feel fuzzy in the best way possible. I let her find her pace, my hands on her hips helping to guide her and I’m humiliated when I feel that twinge at the base of my spine already. 

“I need—talk to me, please.” 

Pulling her so our chests are flush together, the change in position must be good because she gasps against me, face nuzzled into my neck while I whisper in her ear.

“There it is, yeah? This sweet little cunt is hugging me so tight, no ones ever felt this good, no one ever will.” I have just enough room to thrust up into her, her hands tugging at the curls at the nape of neck when I steady my pace.

“My perfect fucking girl, you know that? Been thinking about this, about you for years.” Her mouth is hanging open, warm breath hitting my throat with every little pant and moan that slips past her lips. 

With every thrust I feel her nipples drag against my chest, her arms wound around my neck so tight it’s almost suffocating—but in the best way. I feel her flutter around me when she pulls back just enough to meet my eyes, cheeks flushed and hair sticking to her forehead from sweat. “I need—d-drawer.” 

I reach over blindly, tearing open her nightstand and pulling things out before I even know what she wants. Still holding onto me she leans over, her hand swatting mine away and finding what she needs in seconds. A small, silver little thing—what I would assume would be a tube of lipstick if I didn't know better. 

Jesus fucking Christ. 

There’s a sense of pride at how unashamed she looks, confident in what she wants. I feel lightheaded at how hot she is, knowing what she needs and not being afraid to ask for it. It makes me twitch inside her. 

She cocks a brow at me, probably daring me to say something shitty about her little friend but I just shrug, pulling her back against me and taking the bullet from her hand. “I’ve always been a team player, sweetheart.” 

The buzz of the toy coming to life cuts off the eye roll she was giving me and I push her back so I can see where we’re connected. I’m not prepared for the way she clenches around me when I press it against her clit, my body jolting underneath her and moans so loud our chests rumble coming from the both of us. 

It feels unbearably hot in the room, the smell of sex and sweat filling the space and making it hard to breathe. But that only makes it all feel better. Before I know it she’s back to it, lifting herself off and sliding back down while I hold the toy to her clit. The sound of it and our skin meeting enough to have my thighs twitching under her. 

“Look at you, bouncing on your best friend's cock. This is what you needed, yeah? A good, sweet girl for everyone but me, right?” She’s too out of it to even care right now, nodding helplessly with her hands on my chest. There’s a stinging there that lets me know I’ll have some red marks tomorrow. 

When I start to circle the toy on her clit, she falls forward, our chests pressed together again and her whines more high pitched. “Steve, steve, fuck! M’gonna cum.” 

“Should I let you?” I’m bluffing. There’s no way I’d deny her anything right now. An orgasm, a ring, my car. Anything she wants is hers. 

“You better.” Despite the attitude in her tone, it occurs to me that if I told her no, she wouldn’t. And that thought alone is enough to have me seconds away myself. 

“Go ahead, princess. Be that nice, sweet girl and make a mess of me, please.” It takes one, two, three more thrusts before she’s tightening around me so hard my own orgasm barrels through me before I can stop it. My fingers are digging into her back, hugging her as close to me as possible while she whines and pleads for I don’t know what into my ear. 

Holy shit. She’s all but melted into me, her breathing slowing down while I try to determine if I can even use my legs. Her pants and whines turn into small kisses against the shell of my ear, my throat, and my jaw while I curl my hand into her hair. 

A small hiss escapes when she pulls off me and I should—but don’t—feel bad about the shit eating grin I know I’m wearing when she loops over at me from where she’s plastered to my side. 

“Don’t start, Steve.” 

“Well if I remember correctly, and I definitely do—”

Her hand is covering my mouth, face serious but her eyes can’t hide that she’s at least a little amused by me. “Let’s play the quiet game.” She’s no more than taking her hand off my mouth before I’m speaking. “Funny…weren’t you just practically begging me to talk to you?” 

“Steve!” I’m laughing as I pull her back on top of me, legs twisted together and her head shaking against my chest as she tries not to laugh. I’m pressing kisses into her hair when she pulls off me, walking away from the bed and shooting me a shy smile over her shoulder when she slides the window shut. 

The click of the lock fills the room and and the thud of my pounding heart in my chest fills my ears as she crawls back into bed, snuggling into me and letting her body mold to mine like I’ve dreamed of millions of times over the years. 

We don’t say anything, but we don’t need to. 

——————————————

His breathing evening out lulls me into sleep, my hand curled against his chest and my leg thrown over his, keeping him tucked up under me. 

No matter how many times he proves me wrong, I can’t help but think it’s impossible to love him more. And he always proves me wrong. It’s the kind of love that makes you feel insane because how can I love someone this much?

He’s so good to his core, so attentive and kind to the ones he loves—and those that are nothing but strangers to him. But then he’s cocky and smug and on my last fucking nerve, but still somehow perfect. It’s annoying that someone can be so perfect. 

I think it makes sense that we were friends first, that we got to love and know each other in a different way and just fall into the love we have now. Maybe they were always the same kind of love, just from a different perspective. 

[iamgonnagetyouback-recs]

JAMES POTTER.ᐟ

a little list of my favorite stories ୨ৎ remember to be kind, reblog, and support the wonderful authors who share their magic with us.ᐟ

NOTE ಇ. none of these stories belong to me ♡ if you’d like your fic removed, just send me a message, and i’ll take care of it!

jealous!reader by @moonstruckme

⁀➴༯ what james will do to satiate a jealous you

REVIEW ୨ৎ ugh this??? this hurt in the best way. the jealousy, the tension, the way james is so sweet but also kinda firm??? insane. “she picked for you” actually knocked the wind out of me. and the sweatshirt moment??? i’m sick. literally felt every emotion so hard. i need to lie down

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

roommate phase by @/moonstruckme

⁀➴༯ they are living together and definitely love each other but they’ve kind of slipped into a roommate phase. like they’re just living around each other and reader starts feeling insecure and scared and doesn’t know how to get back into normalcy

REVIEW ୨ৎ oh this??? mae, this hurt like a bitch omg. like. the quiet distance, the insecurity, the way they’re just existing next to each other instead of with each other??? ouch. but then??? the yearning??? the way they want to fix it??? actually devastating in the best way. i felt this in my soul

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

first snow by @/moonstruckme

⁀➴༯ your first snow with james

REVIEW ୨ৎ this is so soft and lovely, i’m actually melting. the way james looks at her like she's the most precious thing in the world?? unbearable. and the little details—his squinty eyes, the glasses adjustment, the way he knows her so well—it all makes this feel so warm and intimate. absolute perfection, mae

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

boy-friend by @lizard-on-a-window-pane

⁀➴༯ you get jealous for when a girl calls you james's sister and he doesn’t notice at first cause he only has eyes for you but you kind of get clingier and a little grumpy so he talks to you

REVIEW ୨ৎ omg this??? actually the cutest. like. james not even noticing cause he’s so in love with you??? and then you getting all grumpy and clingy until he figures it out??? adorable. the way he reassures you??? i’m melting. i need him immediately

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

why did she say yes? by @astonishment

⁀➴༯ you and james have always had a flirty friendship. but it's just that, a friendship. so why is he so upset that you're going on a date with someone else?

REVIEW ୨ৎ this fic has me kicking my feet and screaming into my pillow, mal. the way you and james swear up and down that it’s just a friendship, even though you flirt like it’s your full-time job, is actually hilarious. but then, the second the date is mentioned, he suddenly isn’t laughing anymore. “why did she say yes?” he asks softly to no one in particular. i don't know james, maybe cause you didn't???....... i need to calm down. it's just a fic

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

want this to be real by @thatdammchickennugget

⁀➴༯ not being able to find your best friend remus, you rely on james to help you out of an uncomfortable situation

REVIEW ୨ৎ this was so good omg, mari?? i love fake dating turning into real feelings, and james being all protective and soft had me melting. steven was so insufferable, i wanted to punch him, but it made the ending even more satisfying. the build-up was perfect, and the confession scene?? absolutely adorable. got me giggling. loved every second of it!!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

one of the guys by @/thatdammchickennugget

⁀➴༯ you have always been one of the guys, but what if you don't want to be anymore?

REVIEW ୨ৎ this was so sweet omg?? the slow realization of feelings, the insecurity about being "one of the guys," and james being so soft and reassuring—i loved all of it. the way he made it clear that y/n was amazing just as she was, whether in jeans or a dress?? perfection. this one hit a spot in my heart, really. considering i used to be not so much a fan of girly stuff, i was always teased when i did something girly;still am but this whole fic just felt so warm and comforting, i adored it

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

just like all the other angry boyfriends before by @msmk11

⁀➴༯ two idiots in love who don’t know how to handle their emotions properly- aka school dance drama

REVIEW ୨ৎ this was such a fun read omg, mk. the tension between reader and james was just ahhh—so frustrating but in the best way. you really made me wanna smack both of them for being so petty, and the friend group conversations were spot on. also, reader using amos just to piss james off?? iconic. loved every second of it. and amos turning out to be a good guy (rare) was great. i am obsessed with this

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

dirty deer by @lovemenotts

⁀➴༯ in where your daughter's stuffed deer blanket gets dirty

REVIEW ୨ৎ oh. my. goodness. lily. how dare you make something so freaking adorable?! my heart was clenching the entire time for little lizzie and her poor bambi! and james? oh my god. him almost crying because his baby girl was crying?? where can i find this level of wholesomeness in real life?! this officially melted my heart into a puddle. i need to lie down and recover from the overwhelming cuteness, like seriously

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

fell hard by @lupinsversion

⁀➴༯ when james finds himself talking to the other marauders about reader

REVIEW ୨ৎ this is adorable, mak!! james being completely gone for her, sirius and remus taking turns teasing him, and peter just rolling his eyes—it’s so perfectly them. the fact that she literally tripped him and that’s how he fell for her? peak rom-com energy. i love how james isn’t even embarrassed, just completely gone. got me giggling and kicking my feet

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

kiss and makeup up by @amiableness

⁀➴༯ james ruins reader’s date and attempts to make it better

REVIEW ୨ৎ this was everything, elina omg. the tension, the angst, the longing—it all built up so perfectly. james being a jealous idiot but also so painfully in love? perfection. the way he touched her so reverently, like he couldn’t help himself? devastating in the best way. and that kiss??? actually ruined me. then sirius coming in at the worst possible moment? the audacity!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

genuine by @kquil

⁀➴༯ james ruins reader’s date and attempts to make it better

REVIEW ୨ৎ this was so sweet and fluffy omg. james being so loyal to reader that he actively avoids romantic roles?? absolutely whipped behavior, i love it. the way he just lights up when he sees her?? my heart ached in the best way. and sirius immediately knowing it was the perfect take?? of course he did. the behind-the-scenes banter was hilarious too, like marlene just exposing james on live television. the whole thing felt like a romcom in itself, and adored it

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

is it chill that you're in my head? by @boneblushed

⁀➴༯ your best friend James isn’t sure why he’s so angry about the fact that you’re going on a date with someone else

REVIEW ୨ৎ absolutely obsessed with this. the tension? immaculate. james being a tragic fool in love? perfection. the banter, the pining, the kiss at the end—everything about this is so good. you wrote this so well omg, i could read a hundred more scenes of this and never get tired

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

christmas tree farm by @pretty-little-mind33

⁀➴༯ you and james bake gingerbread cookies

REVIEW ୨ৎ this was absolutely adorable, sky. the playful banter, james being an absolute menace with the gingerbread men, and the way he makes it up to her in the most ridiculous yet endearing way—it's all perfect. the fluffiest christmas fic truly, got me giggling and blushing

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

teacher!james series by @lupinsweater

REVIEW ୨ৎ the cutest series ever ugh (i mean it's in my tbr but i just know it's good) everyone say 'thank you shay' for blessing us with teacher!james!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

two of a kind by @wintrsoul

⁀➴༯ who would have thought that sending your son to a summer camp would lead to an unexpected reunion with someone you had sworn you don’t want to see anymore?

REVIEW ୨ৎ this is in my tbr but i just know it's great cause well it's tally! i promis i will write a review once i read it

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ୨ৎㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤmain blog ￫ @iamgonnagetyouback

[girl-lostconnection]

So..forgive me you're the first person I'm ever asking anything on Tumblr (Kinda new and I usually like to describe it like hiding in the corner and just watching everything quietly and leaving likes and I love your work) but I was thinking about your concept with 141 and reader dying and the notebook. Would there ever be a case where the others stumble upon it? Whether Price forgets (somehow) to put it away or someone's in the midst of searching for something and stumbles upon it?

Again, love your work, feel free to ignore this tho

Yeah, I think this type of readers people call “lurkers” which is cool🙂‍↕️you guys are usually the backbone of the audience, I enjoy you tremendously.

And that’s a really good question, anon!

You know what? Why not turn the heat up a little more for this pot with the frogs.

I can imagine Price not exactly forgetting it somewhere but harbouring it so close to himself that people start to notice. This specific notebook is always with him — under his armoured vest and in the front pocket of his shirts, on top of the stack of documents, edge of it peeking out of his pants pocket.

It’s always there when before he didn’t carry it with him. It’s small and simple, technically it shouldn’t rise any questions but Kyle is the first who notices it. Maybe because after your death he’s so sharply attuned to everyone else on the team, it’s practically unhealthy.

Kyle who watches John fumble with the leather bound corners of the little thing and wonders…what’s inside of it? They have been all grieving but your things have been taken by them all and shared fairly.

Simon doesn’t withhold your pictures or books with your annotations. Soap doesn’t say no when Gaz asks for one of the keychains. Kyle himself lets Simon and Johnny take one of your things each. Simon takes the big oversized T-shirt and Soap whisks away one of your hoodies, clutching it hard to himself, knuckles white with tension.

(Kyle will never admit but when he walked in on Johnny in hoodie with your name and rank on the back of it his knees buckled. For a moment a traitorous part of him thought you were there. For a moment he could breathe again)

So Price keeping something of you to himself almost felt unfair. It wasn’t, of course, no, Captain had every right to grieve and mourn in a way that made it easier for him.

But-

But Kyle missed you. Everyday and every morning he’d wake up, realisations hitting him again that you aren’t coming back. You are never coming back.

You disappeared so suddenly you were now everywhere.

The unwashed cup they couldn’t bring themselves to wash, the clothes and trinkets, the books and pictures. The notebooks.

Kyle remembers how you two played games in it, drawing X’s and O’s when debrief would get too long and your brains too sluggish to keep awake without external stimulation.

Kyle remembers you writing in them, so focused you oftentimes wouldn’t notice him getting closer until he’d plop himself down in front of you, pretending to pose. Your favourite model, wasn’t he?

Kyle remembers you smiling at him, eyes flickering to his face for a moment, your gaze so impossibly soft he feels like choking and burying himself next to you.

There is a whole life ahead. Kyle isn’t sure how to live it with a hole in this chest the size of your love.

It’s a selfish thought, maybe. Maybe he is selfish.

Maybe he should have been content with what he has been given. But he wasn’t.

So now he slips the notebook off Price’s desk when the man himself is so wrecked he can’t see straight. John’s drinking got worse after your death. Not yet enough to cause disciplinary action but enough to make them all worried.

Gaz has never seen him like that.

Why were they all lucky enough to meet you but not lucky enough to save you? Would the outcome be different if one of them went with you on that deployment? Could they save you if they knew how it ends?

Could they try?

Kyle’s fingers skim over the pages, your hoodie on him and if he pretends hard enough it almost feels like a hug. It almost feels like his body heat seeping through fabric is yours. Like you were just wearing it.

Like you didn’t leave at all.

Like you are coming back.

Kyle flips through the pages, gurgling wet laughter in his throat when he notices that you have been writing Simon’s jokes down and coming up with your own. (The “just got hospitalised due to peekaboo incident. They put me in ICU” joke almost makes Kyle choke).

Some part of him gets why Price has been guarding this specific journal so hard. Why he wasn’t letting anyone else close to it, because this right here is you.

Everything that’s left of your thoughts and feelings, of your humour and love, of your plans and scribbles.

It’s tangible proof that you were here. You lived, you loved, you thought. You were there and you were a person. Their favourite person. Their beloved one.

Maybe that’s why your small note hits him harder than he could have ever expected. A small resigned “I’m not sure I fit in. I’m not sure I’m not second…or fifth best in this case. Don’t even know if I wanna talk about it. Just plain stupid” splits Kyle’s scull open and leaves him bleeding and aching and shaking.

What…what did you mean “fifth best”? Why would you say that? What- no. Nonononono. No, it’s not fair. It’s not true, it has never been true.

Kyle feels like driving back to the cemetery and wrapping his car around the poll.

Kyle feels like clawing at the ground and sobbing-sobbing-sobbing.

Kyle feels like begging.

Please, no. Please, come back. Please, let him fix it, let him tell you the truth, let him tell you.

Kyle understands why Price was guarding the journal this fiercely. Kyle is so mad he feels like demolishing John’s office and yelling until his voice is raspy useless thing, vocal cords damaged, headache pounding inside his head and he’s burning from inside out.

Kyle looks at the page, his whole core so hollowed out you could feel an echo if you’d knocked.

Kyle doesn’t know what to do because you are gone.

Because he wants to say “I’m sorry, love, I’m so sorry, I’d be better if I knew”, he wants to say “come back and scream at me, come back demand attention, come back and hurt me in return just please please come back”.

He wants to say “I love you” in a hundred different ways, he wants to kiss it better, he wants to hold you again, he wants you back, why can’t you come back, why can’t he get you back? He will change, he will do better, he will pay attention, he’s sorry, love, he’s so sorry.

Soap finds him just blankly staring at the page and he doesn’t understand at first, concern sharpening his features like one of the razors he uses for his drawing pencils.

Johnny sinks down next to him, lips pressing to Kyle’s temple, breath panting when Gaz doesn’t respond because he can’t.

He doesn’t know what to say.

How do you live knowing you may never change what already happened? How do you keep going knowing your tenderness is decaying six feet underground, that your love is springing with flowers when they should have stayed above the ground and picked them? How do you get over it? How?

Johnny’s eyes skim over the page and Gaz can feel when the realisation sinks in, when the body next to him is getting poured full with raw ache and ice sharp panic.

Johnny asks “Gaz whose journal is that”, Johnny pleads “Mate, talk to me, where did you get it?”, Johnny whimpers “Kyle tell me it’s not theirs, Kyle please, Kyle say something”.

Kyle doesn’t know what to do other than wrap himself around Soap and hold him despite the thrashing, despite the disbelieving laughter that descends into gasping for air and clawing at his back and shoulders.

Kyle doesn’t let him get out and do something stupid, like drive to the cemetery and wrap a car around the poll and curl near your gravestone.

There is an awfully loud gulp and the journal is getting carefully taken off Kyle’s lap, Simon’s fingers long and scarred — things broken too many times to grown back straight and narrow, calloused pads of his fingers catching on the paper of the notebook.

Kyle has to drag him down to them, he has to practically kick the ground from under Ghost’s feet because the man looks like he will get the shovel and get you out of the coffin.

(Kyle doesn’t want to think how Simon refused to let them bury you, how he sat with you for days, until the decomposition became evident. Kyle doesn’t want to think how Simon placed a phone in your coffin despite knowing that you are not coming back. Kyle doesn’t want to think that Simon was terrified the 4 of them might bury you alive).

Ghost looks like the sky just fell on his head, crashing his spine and grinding down his nerves. Ghost looks like he wants to cry but doesn’t know how.

Ghost looks like how they all feel.

Kyle forces the man into their cuddle pile and forces his hand to wrap around Johnny, because Soap digs his fingers into them like he’s falling-falling-falling. System crashing, bomb ticking, Rome burning down.

Funny how Ghost never understood the phrase “going mad with grief”, always felt like it was a bit of dramatisation. People die every day after all, don’t they? It’s statistically impossible to never lose a single person.

Funny how Soap gets it now perfectly. The shift of tectonic plates in his brain, the rewiring of the whole system, pain so intense he might have ash for heart now.

Funny how it’s not funny at all but Gaz still laughs, face wet when Simon tightens his grip and pulls Kyle in, letting him hide his face.

Taglist: @synthe4u

[prismaticlove]

This is something we have come to genuinely revere over the years-- the everyday sharing of small, quiet, ordinary, mundane moments.

True love, deep love, honest love, is quiet and deep and always. It necessarily includes the countless moments of countless days inbetween the brighter fireworks and sparks that, truly, can only bloom and burn from building a foundation of treasured tiny things.

I used to be so ashamed of my existence, of my life, that I wouldn't let anyone into my everydays. I wanted to wipe them off the map. But the ones I love have compasses for hearts and they always found me, always saw me with bright new eyes, always made me feel like something special and worthy of discovering solely because I was loved, loved against all odds and ends, in sickness and in poverty and trauma and failure. They stood with me still, at the kitchen table, at the bathroom sink, at the bus stop, in the emergency room. They started noting the little things that I had long since become numb and even disdainful towards. Their love was gold dust on my days. It still is.

I'm still terrified of intimacy. I've got too many wounds; I see too many threats. But there's a softness to those threadbare ordinalities that I too can hold gentle in my hands and it's new, how wonderful and strange is that, it's new and strange and precious and different and beautiful... all because someone loved me enough to share it with me, for a moment.

It makes every moment worth living, really.

...personally, i first felt the impact of this truth in march 2012, on one of the "turnpoint mornings" in my life... "[chaos 0] randomly asked me what i was eating and i said 'the usual,' and he replied that he wouldn't know what the usual was. then he paused, looking surprisingly sad, and said that was kind of tragic. he realized that he really didn't know as much about me as he should, if we couldn't even do everyday things together. and that did hurt. we were effectively married and we'd never lived together, god isn't that just heartbreakingly ironic."

and then, ten years later, in november 2022, as we started to pick up the pieces from a massive life upheaval... "I ate breakfast with [chaos 0], both of us sitting by the window. He was just sitting on the floor by the bookshelf, looking at me and the world outside, a perfectly content look in his eyes. I wondered at this, and asked him if he was all right just sitting there, especially while I was eating-- I wasn’t doing anything special, and he didn’t have to stick around. He replied, “I’m just sharing life with you. That’s special enough.”

and now, in just two more years, we've all grown so much closer, it's amazing. it pulls at my heartstrings so hard, to see that growth in the archives, to feel that playing out ever more deeply in my life, and to know at the very core of me what we all have now-- to know each other, more than we ever have before, and yet not as much as we will tomorrow. i want to write about this in depth soon. it's pure joy, all of it.

https://evelionheart.medium.com/on-the-intimacy-of-the-mundane-863f9efb3c39

[isaisliterallyhim]

heyyyy love your fics <333

can you do sugar daddy Kaiser who's always been rude and rough with reader but one day when he realises he's falling in love with them he's really gentle, asking how they feel and praising them? if possible can you do fluff along with nsfw???

ahh hii anon!! thank uu i appreciate ur words <33 anywayss i love the plot ohh gosh ygs r so creative omg

"And all I wanna do is stay with HER"

ft. michael kaiser . sugar daddy! kaiser . ooc! kaiser lol... . ness is in the story omg! . is ness ooc! too... . yes ness is ooc asw . character development.? . eventual smut . sex gulp... . piv ! . afab! reader . mistreated! reader ... . fluff asw . unreliable narrator

wc: 1.0k

"she's annoying." kaiser grumbled, taking a sip of wine. ness looked at him, "[name] cares about you that's why." the magician tried to lighten the mood. clearly, it didn't work.

"she just wants fucking money." he retorted. ness frowned, "can't you look at it in a positive way.? at least she's trying. take a look at all the others you've had."

that sentence had kaiser reflecting for a bit. "huh. i suppose you have a point for once, ness." the prodigy felt himself get a little flushed. "you're treating her so rough, how often does she even ask for money.?" ness continued. "don't be so harsh man! she's trying..."

the emperor tsked. "if she's so 'perfect' you take her then." he grumbled. jeez this guy is really helpless man... ness looked at kaiser disgusted for the first time.

"keep acting like that and she's bound to become who you think she really is." ness thought as he picked himself up and left kaiser to his thoughts.

later within the night, kaiser found himself scrolling through your photos after sending you some money (oh need that.) it hit him you were gorgeous. pretty face with a kind heart.. he was going to go insane.

the more he scrolled the more he admired your beauty. you radiated an aura that he just couldn't place his finger on. perfection was a word too vague to describe it.

shaking his head, he set his phone down. hands on his head, he was wondering. what the literal hell was he doing.? all he's ever done was treat you like shit because he had such horrendous experiences with others.

i mean, you were like the others. you were just there for the money... and attention i guess. but there was something more to it. he was just to blind to see it. (tf r ur glasses for mihya bro.)

it was late — hella late. 2:32 A.M.? there's no way you'd come over right? so what the heck were you doing at his door in a matter of moments?

kaiser opened his door, surprised. "you — you actually came?" he asked, somewhat in disbelief. "i'm right here aren't i, dumbass.. plus you called." you shrugged.

the satin on the bed somewhat wrinkled as the both of you sat down. "um, so why'd you want me to come ove-" you were quickly interrupted by an apology. "[name], liebling. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for my behaviour, how i treated you. scheiße, i'm so fuckin' sorry."

he held your visibly smaller and softer hands. his hands feeling quite the opposite. you were kinda a dumbass, "wha — michael huh...?" you shook your head giggling, "what are you apologizing for?"

his gorgeous blue eyes stared into yours. "don't act coy with me, [name]. you don't need to forgive me. i'll do whatever for your forgiveness. please. do you want more money? gifts.? flowers..? wha.. god. what do you want?!" kaiser asked desperately.

you looked at him with a deadpan expression. god, has this man ever been treated alright.? "mihya, i don't really want anything. yea i mean i love money i mean — who doesn't love money. but i'm not here solely because of money." you sighed.

"yes, you have money is definitely a positive trait but, you have more to it. money isn't the only thing that makes you lovable." you continued to ramble. his hands released yours. you were caught in his embrace.

"mihya.?" you whispered. kaiser knew how scary it was to love someone. the amount of devotion you must give. the time and effort. one wrong move? it could all crumble.

his embrace got tighter, you were tensing a little bit up. was he gonna beat you like what the heck is goin' on?! he knew you were always running away from love, 'cause your daddy never gave you enough :((

hey, same for him as well, no? "meine liebe." kaiser breathed, "let's try again together. i'm done with the 'you deserve better' bullshit. i have the choice to be better and i'm taking it."

he loosened his embrace on you, hands on your shoulders. you met his gaze. all it could scream was blue of desperation. not going to even lie, most dedication you've seen in your whole life.

you were still skeptical — hell, i can't blame you! you've been mistreated all the time by partners, getting taken advantage of... what change is this rich and attractive man going to do? he has the money, the women ugh... thinking about it made your head hurt.

"what do you say, liebling. let me show you.?" he leaned in, mumbling into your ear. hah! as if you'd believe what he said and give him a chance.

kaiser would be lying if he said he didn't regret making up with you earlier. he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss you. hell! every bit of fiber within him missed you! his lips on yours, oh gosh. he's going crazy. :c

a little while after what was supposed to be a sweet make out, he found himself aligning his tip to your slit. you had glossy eyes as you stared back up at him. he had you pinned onto the bed...

"are you sure?" he asked stroking your stomach, his hands then tracing your curves. "fuu-uck. you're perfect." he mumbled. you nodded in response.

as he buried his length into your warmth he swore he got sent to heaven. "sh-shit.. scheißescheißescheiße...! please you're made for me..." he continued, his lips once more pressed onto yours.

nah, at this point his cock was stretching your opening... it hurt. kaiser broke off the kiss as he groaned, "you take me so damn well.. i'm sorry for being so horrid to you."

you were practically crying, was it cause the sex was good? cause of kaiser? you didn't know! "m-hya.." you sobbed out so sweetly. it was kaiser's last straw.

your walls were sucking his member in man..! how could he not..? your noises could kill him oh gosh! one last thrust and his length was kissing your womb :c "i'm sorry meine liebe, i-" the emperor didn't even get to finish his sentence as he finished in you <3

he pulled out just to push his fingers back in. admiring your form and expression. maaaan, kaiser couldn't ask for a better girl >< dawn came, so did kaiser, 'cept he n you came multiple times :3 kaiser could make it better. all he needed was just one more day with ya.

— ©isaisliterallyhim, 2025

tags !! : @twijaxx ♡, @kyvkc

a/n: hey guys.. hey anon.. guess who's finally back heh... my writers block actually fried me so bad its diabolical man.. yes i lost motivation half way along w the plot tbf i had this in my drafts for 2 weeks or smth... i'm so sorry if this wasn't what y'all wanted ill cook for the future ones ;-; not proofread btw good GAWDDDD if kaiser was my sugar daddy man.. money and hes hot YES PLSS (no im nawt shallow but tuition fees are booty bro yall cant blame me.) yes this is all yap ALL MY NOTES ARE YAP OK </3 but um.. yay ilygs a lot mwa mwa <3

[myth1cs]

Obedience Through Discipline (Myoui Mina x M!Reader)

Smut; An officer not listening to their superior is a clear sign of disobedience. Luckily nothing a bit of discipline can't fix. Word Count: 3,021

The hard part was already over. Now that you've finished the training phase now you could finally start doing some actual work. You were assigned to officer Myoui Mina. She was the best officer at the station though many people felt bad for you which you didn't understand why at first.

It didn't take long for you to figure out why. She was always someone who was very stuck up about following the rules. Every mistake you made was followed by a scolding by Mina on why what you did was wrong. While yes you did believe that this line of work didn't have room for mistakes you still felt like she was being too harsh on you.

Things only got worse when she became a sheriff only after a few months since you were partnered with her. Even though time after time she had clearly expressed her disdain for you she never made an attempt to get you fired. In fact ever since she became sheriff it felt like she was keeping a closer eye on you. And you'd be lying if you said it wasn't making you nervous.

During your break you were sitting in your patrol car alone since your partner Nayeon decided to have her break inside. While you were eating your lunch you heard a knocking on your window. You looked up and saw that it was none other than sheriff Mina.

You rolled down your window and greeted her. "Hello sheriff Mina. Can I help you with anything?"

"You know about the parade happening downtown next week right?"

"Of course, what about it?"

"Well Ryujin got injured in the line of duty yesterday and the doctor said she wouldn't be fit to come into work for the next 2 months. So now I need someone to replace her for patrolling the area around the parade. I'm guessing you can see where I'm going with this."

This was a surprise to you. Why was she asking you anyway? There were officers who have been serving longer in the police force which she respected more that would be available to take over Ryujin's shift.

"With all due respect sheriff I believe others may be more qualified than me. Why not try asking officer Kyujin or-"

"I don't think you understand Y/N. This isn't a request, it's an order. You WILL be the one patrolling the area during next week's parade."

You let out a sigh knowing that there was no debating this with her. Once Mina makes up her mind her decision is final.

"Alright sheriff."

You rolled back up your window and Mina walked back towards the station. "Damn brat, who does he think he is trying to tell me how to do my job? Tsk, it's my fault for letting his disobedience go on for too long. I'll have to do something about that."

Breathing a sigh of relief you were glad that the encounter went rather well. Usually she would scold you for trying to talk back for at least half an hour but this time she didn't. Though you wondered if this truly was a good thing or if there was another reason behind Mina's actions. But you didn't ponder on that idea for too long. It was silly to think otherwise... or so you thought.

The week flew by in a blink of an eye. Before you knew it it was the day before the parade. You had to attend a meeting about where everyone would be stationed at the parade and what protocols to follow. You weren't really paying attention to Mina's speech though. Not like your role was rather complicated. Just simply patrolling the perimeter, if you see anything suspicious you were to report it.

"Y/N! Y/N!"

Mina's yelling took you out of your thoughts.

"Wh- what happened?"

The whole room had gone silent. Everyone simply stared at you without saying a word. Mina walked towards you and you felt your heartbeat fasten. You felt like your heart was going to explode or that you would faint from nervousness at any moment.

"You think you're too smart for this huh?" Mina said with a mocking tone.

"N- no I would never-"

"Meet me at my office."

Mina walked back to the front of the room. The tension was thick in the air. Everyone paid attention to Mina, everyone was too scared to look away from Mina.

The meeting wasn't supposed to go on for too long. But it felt like it went by in just a few seconds while also feeling like it went on for 5 hours. Everyone avoided you as they left the room. You followed Mina to her office, hands sweating, and your heart was beating so loud you thought everyone in the building could hear it.

Mina unlocked her office door and walked in. Your legs didn't want to move forward. Was it fear? But what were you afraid of? Losing your job or was it something else?

"What are you waiting for Y/N?"

"Pardon me."

You walked in. Mina closed the door behind you and locked it which made you more nervous. "Sit down." Mina commanded as she pointed at a chair. You obeyed and sat down.

"You know what you did wrong?"

"I uhm-"

Mina sat down on her desk crossing her legs. She reached down to grab your chin and lifted it up to make you look at her.

"Look into my eyes as you say it."

"I wasn't listening."

"Say it with your full chest Y/N. I can't hear you."

"I wasn't listening!"

"Not listening to your superior are you Y/N? How troublesome indeed, will I have to punish you for this?"

"No sheriff, I'll behave from now on."

"Good to hear Y/N."

Mina's voice suddenly dropped.

"Cause this is your last warning."

Mina got off her table and went to sit down on her chair behind her desk. "Now get out."

Without hesitation you got up from your chair and made your way out of her office. As you left her office you breathed out a sigh of relief.

You went to your car to drive home but you suddenly bumped into your partner, Nayeon, in the parking lot.

"So Y/N were you fired?"

"What kind of question is that?! No I wasn't fired!"

"Relax Y/N I just had to know. So what did Mina talk to you about?"

"She just told me that this was my last warning."

"Well if that's all then I guess that's rather tame then."

"What do you mean?"

"Come on Y/N I don't think I need to spell it out for you. Mina doesn't take things like this very lightly. If it was anyone else I'm sure she would've fired them already. And don't you think that she's been scolding you less recently?"

"Yeah I kinda picked up on it. Maybe this is a sign that she's turning over a new leaf."

"We can only hope so. Still the aura I get from even being in the same room as her is terrifying. I swear she gives off nothing but "Look at me the wrong way and I'll kill you" vibes."

"I swear she's knocked a few years off my life already."

"I feel that, anyways good luck with patrol duty tomorrow."

"Good luck to you to Nayeon."

-

The day of the parade came and you, along with a few other officers, were assigned to patrol the parameter and told to report anything deemed suspicious.

The area you were currently paroling didn't have many people. A few people passed by but nothing suspicious was happening in particular.

As you were walking you saw two people in an ally way. It seemed like they were committing an act of vandalism. While you were ordered to report things this wasn't any suspicious activity it was just people being stupid so you decided to just quickly deal with the situation.

Vandalism isn't something that you would arrest someone for in all honesty it was just a small misdemeanor but realized these were the same people you've had run-ins with these people before. At this point they were just begging for a prison sentence. The sentence for something like this was only up to a year so you didn't feel too bad.

-

Mina put Hwi in charge while she went on her break. For some reason she couldn't shake off the feeling that even though she told you that you were on your last warning you would still not listen to her. She made her way to where you were stationed.

"What the- I give him ONE job and he can't even follow that."

She pulled out her phone and called you. It only rang a few times before you picked up.

"Yes Mina?"

"Where are you?!"

"I'm driving these two people to the station-"

"Damn it you're supposed to report things! Do you even listen to me when I speak to you?!"

"Mina I-"

"I don't want to hear it! Meet me at my office the minute you're off the clock."

"But-" Before you could rebuttal Mina had already hung up.

You knew you were about to lose your job.

-

Once you got back to the parade Mina assigned someone else to stay by your side to make sure that you wouldn't deviate from your job.

The rest of the parade went fine. Nothing major happened that was worth noting. But you couldn't help but wish that it wouldn't end. You weren't prepared to be yelled at by Mina and get fired.

To your dismay the parade ended and so did your shift. You got a good look at yourself in your uniform before you walked to Mina's office knowing this was the last time you would be wearing it.

You had to pull yourself together and muster all your strength and courage to walk to Mina's office. Now you were standing in front of her door and you prepared for the worst.

Putting your hand on the handle and turning it you fully opened the door. Mina was sitting behind her desk sorting some paperwork.

Unsure what to do, you stood at the doorway simply staring at Mina. After a few minutes she looked up and made eye contact with you.

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to come in and take a seat in front of me?"

Without saying a word you walked in and closed the door before you went to sit down in front of Mina not daring to make any sort of eye contact with her.

She looked at you for a few seconds before she went to type something on her computer. It seemed like she was just doing work for the sake of it but you couldn't tell.

Eventually she got up and walked up to her board where she had pinned a few documents. You glanced at the clock and saw that it was about time where most people were headed home. Most officers working at this hour were patrolling the downtown area.

Mina sighed and turned to face you. "It's impossible for you to listen. So what should I do with you?"

Was it a rhetorical question?

"I'd much prefer if I could keep my job, sheriff."

"You're almost at your one year mark. And this marks my third month of having to deal with you as sgeriff. So..."

"Please don't fire me."

"That's not what I asked so I'll ask again, What should I do with you?"

"Uhm"

"Ran out of excuses have you?"

"I never made excuses sheriff."

Mina took a deep breath.

"Do you know why I'm stringent with the rules Y/N?"

"Because this line of work doesn't have room for failure?"

"Well that's not my main reason. Do you know the main reason?"

"I don't, sheriff."

"It's because I don't want to see people hurt." Mina walked over to you towering over you. "Or maybe I should be more specific. I don't want to see you hurt."

Mina reached behind her back and grabbed handcuffs. She danged them in front of you. "But I can't just let this slip by. I'm going to punish you."

The situation seemed to develop so fast you didn't register what Mina just said until she was handcuffing you.

"Sorry I leave the fuzzy handcuffs at home so we'll have to make do with these."

Part of you was hoping she was joking. Was this really happening, were you about to do it with Mina?!

"Don't do this Mina. Th- this isn't right!"

"Don't speak back to me you filthy brat!"

Mina's sudden outburst scared you and made you quickly shut up not daring to try to speak out of term.

"Now be a good boy for my Y/N. Just sit here and accept your punishment."

Mina got down on her knees and started to undo your pants. There wasn't anything you could do but simply watch. Once she took off your pants she ran her fingers along your thigh.

"P- please stop."

"You want me to stop darling? But your body is reacting so eagerly to my touch. Are you sure you want me to stop?"

She wasn't lying, you were yearning for her touch as much as you wanted to deny it. Before you could respond Mina smacked your thigh. It wasn't too harsh but it stung a little.

"But darling, I thought I told you not to speak out. Don't make me remind you again okay?"

"Ow fuck-"

She smacked you again.

"Drop the language."

"Y- yes ma'am."

Mina kissed your thighs while her fingers were rubbing against your clothed aching cock. You wanted this to continue but you knew this was wrong. It's not like this is standard protocol and she didn't even ask if you were okay with it. Yet you still couldn't help but be turned on by the given situation.

Even though you denied it your body knew what it really wanted. Shivering every time she ran her finger on your body to your cock hardening it was all too obvious.

She could tell you wanted to say something. "If you want to say something then I'm granting you this opportunity to say it."

"Please"

"Please what darling? Use your big boy words now."

"Suck me off Mina please I'm begging you."

"Begging now are we? Well I'm not entirely convinced yet, maybe you should beg me some more and I'll consider listening to you."

"Mina please, I really want you to fuck me until I can't walk. I want to lose all senses and be at your mercy."

Mina giggled at your statement. "Oh darling if you think that's enough to get me to listen to you you're going to have to try a little harder than that I'm afraid."

"Please fuck me Mina! I only crave your touch, I swear I'll listen to every order you give me!"

Mina rubbed her nose against your clothed cock. "That's more like it darling. However since you've been so disobedient then you'll have to make me cum before I give you any pleasure."

She proceeded to stand up and take off her clothes. Mina made sure to take her sweet time taking off her clothes. She knew it was driving you crazy and you wanted to get up and take her clothes off for her but your hands were handcuffed to each other.

Eventually she stripped down to her bra and underwear. Both were the same colour of pink. Mina sat up on her desk and started to rub her pussy using one of her fingers.

Low moans fell out of her mouth as she pleasured herself. You couldn't do anything but watch. You felt yourself get turned on by watching the scene unfold in front of you.

"What are you waiting for darling? Come and make me cum!"

"My hands are tied."

Mina laughed at your comment "Of course you are darling. But I didn't put a gag on you did I?"

When you realized what Mina wanted you leaned forward and used your mouth to take off her underwear.

"Just like that darling, make this a learning experience!"

You buried your face onto Mina's pussy and shoved your tongue deep into her. Mina wrapped her legs around you tightly cutting off your air supply. "If you want to breathe then make me cum. Or else you'll suffocate between my thighs. Though I'm guessing you'd be okay with that wouldn't you darling?"

Fastening your pace you licked every inch of Mina's delicious pussy. Part of you wished your hands weren't tied so you could grab her boobs. But the current situation would do.

Though you tried desperately you felt yourself losing consciousness and before you knew it everything went black. "Aw did you pass out already?"

Mina unwrapped her thighs that were around your head and started to finger herself. Wet sounds filled the room as she shoved her fingers in and out of herself while her other hand was on her clit.

You were suddenly woken up by the feeling of something splashing on your face. When your eyes adjusted you realized it must've been Mina's cum.

"Oh your awake again darling?"

"Mina what-"

Another smack was given to you.

"What did I say about speaking out of term? And to think I thought about letting you cum. Since you seem to suck at making me cum and suck at listening to orders then I'll let you sit here and think about your actions."

Mina got up and put her clothes back on and you didn't do anything but watch as she started to leave the room.

"Don't worry darling I'll come and get you early in the morning. Till then think about your actions and I might let you cum first thing in the morning!" Mina said as she left the room closing the door behind her leaving you handcuffed to the chair to think about your actions that lead you to this moment.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry for not uploading even though I said I would get back on schedule. In my defense I've been reading a really good Lux/Jinx fanfic.

Starring: You Mina, Nayeon (TWICE) Ryujin (ITZY) Kyujin (NMIXX) Hwi (TNX)

[burrowdarling]

The Offline Series 001

Summary: The introduction to The Offline Series, covering the last day of the regular season and the beginning of the postseason.

Pairings: boyfriend!Joe Burrow x girlfriend!reader

Warnings: This series will have mentions of adult content throughout so MDNI

Note: Hi everyone and welcome to The Offline Series! It's taken some time and rewriting, but the first part is finally here. I have plans to do specific events like the Pro Bowl Games as well as other ideas as connected standalones. I'm excited to create this small for these two and I hope you'll come along for the ride! Asks about these two are always welcome, I'd love to develop a world for them.

Word Count: 5.6k (my longest fic yet!)

Check out my Masterlist here!

Taglist: @burrowbarbie @definitelynotdomanique @one-sweet-gubler @plushkhiii @enchantedinfinity @iosivb9 @hellsingalucard18 @hotburreaux @lilfreakjez @jburrgf Feel free to comment or message me if you'd like to be added to the list!

The past few days have felt a bit tense in the house with the season ending the way it had. Of course, you had wished things had gone differently, but it only made you more hopeful for the next season to come. Things were very touch and go when it came to Joe’s mood. Which was to be expected. You were so proud of him and the way he was able to lead the team to a winning record by the end of the season. You knew Joe was beating himself up about it despite the records he was breaking and the path he was paving in the NFL as a whole. You knew he was MVP material and it gutted you that he wasn’t in the conversation with the numbers he was putting up despite the final scores of each game.

He was processing the way he always would, by himself in his own way. He was going to the gym, meeting with who he needed to, throwing himself into everything else but rest. Arguably that also meant it was most things except time with you. You hadn’t seen too much of him recently, but you could feel his lower energy in the house even when he wasn’t around. Things felt colder and you had to admit you were starting to get a bit lonely. You thought back to that Sunday when the big shift in him happened while you went around the house and tidied, not like there was much when one of your stress relievers was cleaning.

**Flashback to Sunday**

You had the 4:25 games all on at once, each game taking up their respective corners of the screen. You were hopeful that having more than the two games would provide some kind of distraction, but you knew his mind was elsewhere when he kept his vision darting between the two opposing corners of the screen. You wished you could read his mind, making sure to remain close enough if he needed you, but far enough that he was able to be with his own thoughts.

You knew that the other guys were glued in the same positions after talking with the other girls. There was a constant stream of messages in your group chat talking about how the guys were doing and sharing the experience with one another through the phone. By some miracle, you hoped the Jets and Broncos would pull this off. You had a deep gut feeling based on the Chiefs lineup that things weren’t going to go the way you needed them to. The most you could do was hold out hope and watch with cautious optimism. You found yourself copying Joe’s movements, unable to look away from the two most important games. The Jets were starting off strong and that lifted some weight, but the Broncos came out swinging so fast against the second stringers for the Chiefs. 

You couldn’t blame them, really. It was no other team's job to win or lose for someone else, but that didn’t make the game on the screen any less frustrating to witness. The amount of time the Chiefs quarterback was taking in the pocket from having no open players to pass to, it was no wonder he was getting sacked left and right. The score just kept getting higher and higher, the Bengals chances slipping away the more the Broncos scored. The Jets win wasn’t even necessary at this point, feeling worse knowing everything had gone to plan except this once game.

You kept glancing over at Joe, watching the light in his eyes fade with the passing time. You knew he was worried about the outcome as much as he tried to hide it. He wanted a chance in the playoffs, working his ass off to finish with the win streak they had, not to mention the records he was breaking for himself and on the team. If anything he turned colder, feeling the shift in him from where you were sitting on the couch. You made no move to touch him let alone speak to him when he got like this. You didn’t know which version of Joe you would get and you weren’t in the best mindset to find out.

By halftime, Joe had retreated to his office without a word and you let him. You couldn’t get yourself to turn the screen off, watching the abysmal scene in front of you at the Chiefs vs Broncos game. The amount of things that had to go the Bengals way, it felt like it was so far fetched. It really did come down to this one game. The score was so far gone, it was purely to see how far the Broncos would push it. 

Towards the end of the fourth quarter, you turned the game off and made your way to the kitchen to make something for dinner. You didn’t know if Joe would eat, but you had to at least try. You cooked his favorite, plating some for yourself and making him a plate. You walked cautiously up to his office, a warry feeling sitting in your chest as you got closer to the closed door. It was silent on the other side, able to hear a pin drop. You took in a deep breath in an attempt to calm your nerves before you faced what could be on the other side of the door.

You knocked gently on the door, hearing some grumbling on the other side before the door was pulled open. You were met with a blank faced Joe, his hair roughed up from his fingers tangling in it. You knew better than to mention a word about the game. Joe was beating himself up more than you could even imagine. You held his gaze, trying your best to keep things direct as you moved the plate in your hands towards him.

“I made you some dinner in case you were hungry. I’m gonna take a shower and get in bed to read for a bit. In case I fall asleep before you, I love you and I’m here if you need me,” you said and weren’t expecting any type of verbal response back.

He looked down at the meal you made him, watching as the slightly bit of tension dropped from his shoulders. His eyes moved back up to yours and the smallest ‘thank you’ slipped past his lips. You arched up on your tiptoes to reach his cheek, his frame always towering over you. He took the plate from your hands and gave you a nod before turning to close the door. You let him shut himself inside, knowing that all you could do at this point was wait for him to come around. You wouldn’t stop showing him small acts of kindness and support, knowing he was still appreciative even if he didn’t show it. You would always be there to take care of him and you weren’t stopping now.

**End of flashback**

You had your current read perched in your lap, trying your best to keep your mind occupied on something that wasn’t the thick feeling in the air. You were doing anything you could to keep yourself busy-reading, cooking, cleaning, even leaving earlier for work, and getting yourself a coffee in the morning rather than making it at home. You knew Joe would open up when he was ready, but the meantime wasn't always the easiest to manage. You felt your phone buzz on the couch next to you, lifting it to see what the notification was. You saw that it was an Instagram post notification from Joe because of course, you have his notifications on. It was a rare occurrence when he would post anything so you had to be in the know. You clicked on the notification, having an inkling of what it could be, but the wind was still knocked out of your chest as you read his caption.

"Season to remember, sorry you won’t get to watch anymore. Year 5 in the books." 

You stared at your phone for a moment, processing the post he made. You felt your heart break for him, unsure of what could be going through his mind while he was upstairs. Swiping through the few photos he posted along with it. The first photo being of “the big three” as everyone has been calling them. The next two being of himself on the field and the last of him and Ted. You felt like you could sense the emotion through the phone screen.

He came down from his office a little while later, his hair ruffled from constantly running his fingers through it. You could imagine him sitting at his desk, looking for the right thing to say to his fans. The movement of gripping his locks through his fingers was a way of grounding himself when he felt overwhelmed. You noticed it as the season had gone on, tending to do it more often in press conferences when all he wanted was to be at home either alone in his office or with you. He went over to the fridge to grab something to drink, spinning off the cap and taking a huge swig as he walked over to where you were in the living room. You had on some mindless TV show in the background for noise, not paying it much attention.

He came to sit down next to you on the couch, slouching into the cushions with a deep sigh escaping past his lips that he must've been holding in. You shifted to sit up criss-crossed with a blanket draped over your lap. You patted the spot on your lap gently, signaling Joe to rest his head in your lap. He moved to you without a word, positioning his long limbs on the couch to settle his head in your lap with his legs draping over the edge of the armrest.

“Take this as a chance to just be offline for a while. You spent months holding so much of other people’s bullshit all season. You deserve to take the offseason as time for you,” you spoke softly as you started to gently touch his head and felt him lean into your hand. 

Joe let out a sigh of contentment as he settled into your touch. You knew it was something that made him feel safe and grounded. You ran your hands through his hair, giving him time to process your words and respond. A break was something Joe wasn’t the most familiar with, always needing to be on and moving all of the time.

“I know you’re right. It’s just hard to shut my mind off sometimes. It’s hard to feel like I could’ve done more, still can do more to prepare for next season. I don’t want to have the same rhetoric from everyone next season like I did this year.”

You felt your heart break for him. There was an ache in your chest at his admission, feeling a small tear drop against your exposed skin. You leaned over him and pressed a kiss to his temple, letting your lips linger there. 

“I know you worked your ass off Joey, you always do. You also earned yourself some time to unwind for a while, let your body rest. I’m excited to finally get to spend some uninterrupted quality time with you. Your mind and your body deserve to heal J, I’ll be here with you while you do. I already know you’re gonna come back stronger than ever.”

You tilted his chin up, turning his head towards you. You looked down and the gentle giant with glossy eyes in your lap. The thought brought a smile to your lips and a small laugh. You leaned over once more, placing a kiss to his pouting lips this time. You were about to sit back up, but Joe kept you in place. The kiss began to get more intense, feeling a small fire igniting within you at his tongue grazing across your lower lip. 

You were putty in his hands, body willing to do whatever it was that he wanted. Joe loved how reactive you were to his touch, no matter how small or innocent it was. 

A small moan escaped your lips, unsure of how you guys ended up in a full makeout after having such a deep moment. You finally pulled away, the angle becoming too much for you as you started to get a bit light headed. You weren’t sure if it was from having your head turned or the intoxicating pull that was Joe, figuring it had to be some kind of combination of the two. 

“Sorry hun, I couldn’t keep my head like that for much longer. I was only trying to make you feel better, not —” you were cut off from your apology with a much gentler kiss placed on your lips.

“I know that, this was one of those times I was at a loss for words to tell you how much I love you so I figured I would show you instead. I know I can get in my head a lot, I really do appreciate that you give me the space to think.”

“Of course, Joey. You know I’ll always be here whenever you need to talk. Me forcing you isn’t going to do either of us any good in the long run. You also know I’ll happily be a willing participant to your throes of affection. In that case you’re more than welcome to show me properly.”

Joe sat up and took your hand in his to guide you off the couch, moving so quickly towards the stairs.

“Don’t mind if I do, all you had to do was say the word.”

Joe was always amazing in bed, but there was something even deeper about the way he would make love to you. Everything felt ten times more intense than usual, his passion unmatched. You were left lying there breathless, the sheets haphazard over the bed with your body tucked snuggle into Joe's side. His hand gently grazes your side, slowly lulling you to sleep. Exhaustion almost overtook you before his voice broke through the silence that enveloped you.

“Thank you for everything that you do for me. I know I’m not the easiest to love, but I’m grateful for you everyday,” his words waking you from your sleepy state.

You turned around to face him, his arm falling between you as you did. You moved your hands up to cup his cheek, feeling him lean into your soft touch as you stroked the stubbled skin. You felt Joe release a breath he must’ve been holding in and let his eyes fall closed. It was the most relaxed you had seen him in days.

“Joey loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done, doing this with you makes the highs and lows worth it all.”

You saw a quick tear slip past his defenses, quick to wipe it away hoping you didn’t see. It was too late for him though, you were too busy doting on him. His eyes looked up to meet yours and it was over for him. Joey tucked himself into your body as if you would make the pain he was feeling go away just from your touch. The more tears streamed down his cheeks onto your exposed skin, silent sobs racked his body and all you could do was hold him. Whispering sweet nothing in his ear while stroking his back with light scratches of your nails. Your heart split in two at the pain he must’ve been feeling, it being so hard for him to let you in.

You have no idea how long you two laid there, your gentle giant finding his solace in your smaller embrace. As his tears seemed to settle and his body relaxed, the tension finally dissipated his body for good from the emotional release. Joe sniffled as he pulled back from your neck. His baby blue eyes were red, his face flushed pink. You brought your hands up to wipe any stray tears from his face. Joe seemed to be closer to his normal self, something still holding him back.

“What’s on your mind?” you asked, able to tell that there was something he wanted to bring up.

“I got an offer to attend the Australian Open and I’ve been thinking about it, it could be a different experience for me. I wasn’t necessarily gonna go, but after we talked I think I’m gonna tell them yes. I was hesitant because I was honestly still feeling so down on myself, but you’re right that I deserve to go out and enjoy the fun things like everyone else has been doing. People are gonna talk regardless so I might as well be happy while they do,” Joe said with a finality to his words and a returning sense of confidence you hadn’t seen for a bit.

“That’s awesome sweetheart, I totally think you should go. Get out of the cold in the land down under,” you joked back with him wishing you could escape the throes of the Cincinnati winter.

By the look on his face, you could tell he wanted to make some kind of oral joke but was holding himself back to preserve the moment the two of you were sharing. You felt him pull you in closer to his chest, his arms securing you in like a fortress from the outside world. You rested your head on his solid chest, letting the sound of his heartbeat bring you a feeling of comfort.

“They offered for you to join me of course, but I know you can't just take off of work that easily. I wish I could have you there with me, I really am sorry for being such a dick and icing you out,” Joe spoke as he peppered the top of your head with kisses 

“I would love to go with you, but I already finessed time to go to Orlando for the Pro Bowl Games with you, unfortunately. I’m excited for you to get that experience and can’t wait to hear all about it. I’ll be here when you get back, don’t worry,” you assured him.

“I’d hope so, don’t be surprised if I don’t let you out of my sight when I get home,” Joe warned in a teasing tone you knew all too well meant only one thing.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way lover boy,” you pushed back, giving him a kiss to his nose. “I’m starting to think I’ll have to make you a self-care plan to ensure you actually take a break for once.”

“Does this plan involve you in all sorts of positions for me,” Joe teased as he brought his hand to cup your bare breast, swiping his thumb over your peaked nipple.

You gasped at his touch, still feeling sensitive. You lightly smacked his hand away as you feigned offense. Your body’s reaction betrays you in that moment, feeling the heat begin to form in your center. You had to be the voice of reason for once, both of you needing some kind of sleep more than anything.

“Get your mind out of the gutter for once, I actually meant it seriously. If I need to take the time to make one for you I will,” you said and you meant it, “just because I work with kids doesn’t mean it can’t apply to you too.”

You worked in mental health, mainly with kids and adolescents. You were able to be a safe space for them to learn how to share, develop healthy coping skills, and work through anything that was going on with them. There were times that you could see where Joe would benefit from taking a different approach. He was such a big advocate for mental health, but he didn’t always give himself the same grace when he needed it.

“Yes ma’am, I’ll behave and take my time. I was honestly thinking of getting a massage tomorrow if you’d like to come with me. It could be a great way for us both to destress,” Joe suggested.

The idea did sound incredibly tempting, knowing you had your own knots and pent up tension stored in your body. You hadn’t gone for a massage in ages and Joe always got them as a form of restoring his body during the season. 

You rolled over, feeling Joe sniggle up behind you as he draped an arm over your waist, “you let me know when and where, you bet I’ll be there.”

Joe’s trip to Australia came and went in a flash, sticking true to his word and making sure he showed you just how much he missed you. Claiming he needed some way to ‘exhaust himself’ and get him to sleep from the massive time change he was combatting. He told you all of the stories from his time there that you hadn’t already heard over the phone while you two lay in bed. You weren’t exactly sure when you fell asleep, being lulled into slumber from the warmth and presence of your boyfriend.

That next morning, you woke up to Joe splayed out next to you. He looked so peaceful; with the thin white sheet draped across his lower half, chiseled chest on full display for you to admire. Both of you had forgotten to pull the shades over after yesterday’s activities, the morning sun casting a warm glow across his sun kissed skin. It felt like a crime to wake him, but you had massage therapists coming to the house. Joe wanted to keep things private and got a few people to come here that he’s worked with through the team during the season. You were grateful considering how tender each of your muscles felt from last night, skin heating at the thought.

The least you could do was wake him gently, shifting on the mattress so you were level with his stomach. You always admired Joe’s body and he damn well knew that. You never got the chance to do so this close and unrushed though. You took your time absentmindedly tracing patterns across his skin, lightly dragging your fingertips through the dips and curves of his muscles and hips. You dropped your lips to his warm skin, making a path of kisses up to his neck. You felt him stir about halfway through, glancing up to see a barely there smile on his lips.

You could tell he was trying to remain “asleep” to not interrupt your pursuit. You decided to have a little fun knowing he was awake. You dragged your lips up his chest, lightly sucking at the skin on the base of his neck. You felt his breath hitch underneath your lips feeling satisfied. You nipped at his ear causing a groan to come from Joe, unable to hold back his facade any longer.

You could tell he was trying to remain “asleep” so as to not interrupt your pursuit. You decided to have a little fun knowing he was awake. You dragged your lips up his chest, lightly sucking at the skin on the base of his neck. You felt his breath hitch underneath your lips feeling satisfied. You nipped at his ear causing a groan to come from Joe, unable to hold back his facade any longer.

He shifted quickly, tucking you under his body as his strong arms caged you into him. You giggled as he ducked his head and nipped at your neck, knowing it was where you were super ticklish. His attacks against you were ruthless, leaving you begging him through sputters of air and laughs to get him to cease fire.

“Good morning to you too,” you said, trying to regain control of your breathing. 

“I could say the same thing to you too, I’m not complaining if I get to wake up to your touch every morning,” Joe said as he ducked back down in an attempt to move things further.

You stuck your hand out as a barrier to stop him. You wouldn’t have nearly enough time with your massage appointments happening soon. You wanted to freshen up quickly to be ready for them when they got there. 

“We’re not gonna have any time right now, J. They’re gonna be here in,” you looked down at your bare wrist, a small laugh rumbling in Joe’s chest at your humor, “like 10 minutes.”

“I’ll bet you I only need three of those ten if you let me,” Joe tried to press, hoping to win you over with a morning orgasm to start your day.

You had to admit, it was definitely a tempting offer. Joe loved lazy morning sex with you, feeling the lack of time constraints and pressure. It was his favorite way to start his day when he could. There were also mornings where quickies would wake either of you up before you had places to be, connecting before your busy days. You contemplated the idea, Joe wiggling his eyebrows suggestively above you trying to entice you. You also would have the rest of the day with this being the only thing you had planned. You worked to flip yourselves to get you on top, Joe grinning thinking that he would be getting his way. You slipped off of him, throwing on some semblance of clothing and ran your fingers through your hair to tame it. 

Joe groaned feeling like you pulled a trick on him. Before he could protest you, the sound of the doorbell ringing sounded through the stillness of the house. A smile crossed your lips as you started to make your way out of the room, turning back once you reached the frame of the door. You left him alone in bed, sat up against the headboard frustrated from your absence. He looked lost, a pout formed on his lips and a prominent bulge obvious underneath the thin fabric of the sheet.

“You should probably take care of that before you come down, I don’t think your massage would appreciate it,” you said with a smirk as you disappeared down the hallway

“Oh you’re gonna get it later sweetheart,” Joe called after you, making you laugh at the promise.

You composed yourself before pulling the door open. You greeted them kindly, letting them in to get everything setup in the living room. The pair seemed lovely, telling you a bit about themselves while getting their things ready. They handed you a robe and requested you change into whatever made you feel the most comfortable. You left to change, tying the robe overtop of the bralette and sleep shorts you put on. You were exiting the bathroom when Joe made his way down the stairs in a pair of tight alo shorts. They were sitting high up on his thighs as if he had them pulled up, the glimpse at the skin making your mouth water. 

It was like he could read your mind, choosing those on purpose as a form of payback for leaving him alone to take care of himself. He dropped you a wink before passing you to say hello, taking the second to shake those thoughts from your mind for the time being. This was technically your fault, but you knew it would also make him more worked up later.

You both laid on your respective tables and let the two ladies get to work. You had never gotten a massage before, not thinking it was a necessity, but having a change of heart after the first few minutes. The lotion felt and smelled absolutely amazing, giving reprieve to your aching and neglected muscles. Your shoulders felt the tightest from how much sitting you had to do at work, constantly seated in different positions at your desk or on the floor if that’s what your clients preferred during their sessions. Sighs of content and groans of pain as she worked tumbled from your lips without a second thought. Joe was mostly silent, making you realize how often he did this and was used to it by now.

Knots you didn’t even know you had were being pressed and worked. You couldn't help the groans of relief that left your mouth, trying your best to taper the sounds. Turning to look over at Joe whose pupils were blown wide as his back was being worked on as well. You let your eyes trail down his frame, knowing exactly what was under the sheet covering his lower half. Your body was heating, feeling conflicting feelings of tension and relaxation as your masseau’s hands worked wonders at alleviating your deep seated stress. You turned your head to face away, knowing it would be for the best.

You made small talk the best you could, finding it hard to speak when certain tight areas were touched, cutting off whatever it was that you were saying. It made you wonder how Joe did this as often as he did, focusing on the temporary hurt being worth it in the end. After about 40ish minutes, they began to finish up and gave you both a few minutes to relax while they went and cleaned up their hands.

You sat up to stretch, reaching your arms above your head and appreciated the lack of pain when you did. You felt Joe’s eyes locked on your body sensing the heat in his gaze without meeting his eyes. He stood up off of his table, not worrying about wrapping his robe back around him. He came to where you were sitting, leaning into you with his hands pressing into the massage table on either side of your legs. His knuckles brushed against your exposed skin, leaving goose bumps in their wake. Joe leaned down more to meet your ear, bracing for what filth was about to come out of his mouth.

“You bet your sweet ass the minute they leave, I’m gonna have you screaming my name for so long your voice will be gone by dinner time,” he whispered, his voice husky and dripping with lust.

You glanced at the clock on the wall, seeing that it was only barely lunch time. You breath caught in your throat as Joe brought one of his hands up to cup your cheek, slipping down to lightly grip your throat. You swore you forgot how to breathe, getting so lost in the moment that the sound of running water scared you back into reality. Remembering you weren’t alone and could get caught with Joe hand around your throat at any moment made a new wave of pleasure wash over you.

You separated when you heard the footsteps begin to get closer. Heat crept up your cheeks at almost being caught in a not so innocent position, even if you were in your own home. You chatted for a few minutes while they packed everything up. You talked about tentative plans for another appointment soon, now that you knew what you were missing out on. You had barely walked them out the door before Joe was behind you in his robe. Your front was pressed against the cold material of the front door, eliciting a gasp from your parted lips. 

“Do you know how hard it was to just lay there knowing you were wearing so little beside me,” Joe said as he slipped your robe off your shoulders placing kisses to the exposed skin, “making all of those little noises of yours.”

Joe slipped the robe off the rest of your body, letting it fall to the floor. Turning you around to face him, keeping your proximity to one another so close it was hard for you to spin. He dropped to his knees before you, taking in the sight before you. He slipped off your shorts, growling at the sight before him.

You had forgone underwear, forgetting to sip some on after this morning and assuming the coverage of the shorts would be sufficient enough. In hindsight, it worked as easier access for a moment like this.

“Naughty girl, getting that entire massage while eye fucking me with this bare pussy,” Joe chastized into the flesh of your thighs, alternating between kissing and nipping at your skin.

“I was too preoccupied this morning, I guess I must’ve forgotten,” you spoke, half lying as you tried to keep your head on straight from his touch so close to where you wanted him the most.

“Likely story, you could’ve had this pussy wrapped around my cock this morning, but someone had to be a tease,” Joe said as he brought his hand down to your wet pussy.

Joe wasted no time in latching his mouth onto your center, feeling so close a release already from how strung up your body already was. He alternated between licking and sucking that your mind was spinning. You gripped your hands into his hair, tugging slightly to let him know how close to the edge you were.

Right as you were about to fall over it, Joe pulled back and stood to meet your lips in a rough kiss. You groaned in frustration at your lack of climax, irritated at how close yet so far you were from release. When Joe pulled back 

“What the hell J, I was so fucking close,” you whined, knowing you sounded like a brat.

“You’ll get there when I let you, if someone was nicer to me this morning then they wouldn’t be left hanging would they,” Joe said as he sauntered off towards the stairs, “I'm gonna hop in the shower. I want you on the bed and ready for me once I’m out and maybe I’ll let you cum if you behave.”

You were stunned in your spot for a moment. The time off seems to already be doing wonders for his mood, the downside being that he had time to be just as much of a tease as you were. You hustled up the stairs doing exactly what he asked. You were glad that your body was relaxed, not sure if Joe would be using that to his advantage. You could get used to disconnected Joe.

[vampzity]

[ 12:43 am ]

“I came as soon as I could.”

Bangchan opened the door to your room out of breath, only to find you in your bed and under the covers. He tilted his head at you, hearing your small sniffles. He walked over to your bed, sitting by your body and letting the silence in the room engulf you two.

“Angel?”

You sighed, your head slightly peeking out from the blanket. You caught eyes with him, watching a small frown appear onto his face. He brought his hand to you, wiping the small amounts of tears that stained your face. You moved your face away, sitting up in front of him.

“I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve this.”

Chan wasn’t sure of what to say, more or less how to even comfort you. He’s never been through this sort of this thing, at least with a girl. He felt saddened for you, but also anger? How could someone just hurt people and feel nothing? Not even remorse.

“Maybe I did.” You looked up at him, only to be met with a face of confusion.

“There were so many things he’s spoken to me about, things that I did. That he didn’t like, Chan. Things I was constantly doing—”

Tears began to stream down your face once again. You put your head into your lap, crying silently. Chan’s heart broke from seeing you like this. Hearing you say things that weren’t even true to begin with. You’ve always put others before you, without hesitation. If you did something that bothered someone, you wouldn’t do it again. You were never the kind of person who was full of themselves and he knew that.

Did you know that?

Bangchan pulled you into a hug, playing with your hair as you sobbed into his chest. He wished that he could just punch whoever left you feeling this way. You didn’t deserve this, you never did. You pulled away from the hug, allowing him to wipe the tears that fell. He smiled at you softly, his heart skipping a beat as you made eye contact.

“None of those things he said were true.”

You looked away in disbelief. Grabbing your phone, you unlocked it and handed it over to Chan. It showed the texts between you and your now ex boyfriend. All harmful messages that he sent to you, essentially blaming you for the downfall of your relationship. Everything said with ease, like he had no issue saying it to you before.

This isn’t love. This should never be love.

He put the phone down, bringing his hand to cup your face softly. Your face slumped sadly, but welcoming his warm touch as you rested against it.

“You are such a wonderful person, angel.” He smiled softly. “Anyone would be so lucky to call you theirs.”

You blushed, feeling your face heat up. Bangchan was always good with his words, but they never failed to make you flush from embarrassment. Though something about it felt, different this time.

“You’re beautiful, in every way. Any guy—” he cleared his throat, pausing to think about his choice of words.

“I would move mountains for you. In a heartbeat, no matter the time.”

You watched as Chan’s face turned a dark red, his smile now turned shy as he pulled his hand away from your face. Your heart fluttered at his words. Was this his way of confessing how he felt to you? He looked down at his sweaty palms, sighing while he met your eyes once again.

“You’re so special to me and don’t worry, it’s okay if you don’t feel the same.” he paused, taking your hands in his.

“I know it’s so sudden, but I cant stand to see you hurt like this anymore. You deserve better, you deserve to be with someone who cherishes you.”

Your eyes widened at his confession, your once sopping face of tears becoming dry. He embraced you into his arms, resting his chin atop your head as you both sat in silence. You weren’t sure of what to do, or even what to say, but his arms felt like home. It felt warm and welcoming, it made you feel as if things would be okay.

“I know I tend to be busy,” he started, still holding you in his embrace.

“But I will always make time for you. Whenever you need me.”

You nuzzled your head into his chest, humming softly at the sweet comfort he gave you. Neither of you wanted to let go, holding onto each other as if this would be the last time. It felt nice, safe. It was something the both of you wanted to cherish.

“Will you wait for me? Until I’m ready?”

Bangchan pulled you of his arms, his hands softly cupping your cheeks as he gave you a reassuring smile. Your face was hot to the touch, enough to warm up his cold hands.

“I could wait a lifetime. All I want is you.”

a/n: just a mini drabble from december to keep you guys fed!

taglist: @dvrktvnnel @scarfac3 @jjongibears @h4untedgrl @dollywoo @rvereri @kittykat-25 @hwasddeongbyeoli @yyaurii @joonezra @honeyhwaaa @potentialgay @motherseonghwa23 @inniesfanblog @losrpark @stephanieeeyang @galaxy4489 @fangirljas929 @desirehorizon @channiesluvrclub @katsukis1wife @unbel1ev4ble @sojuxxi @bbykaixx @felixleftchickennugget @gncbnahc @jwnghyuns @kjr-army @wonderz_real @xxcinnamon-toast-crunchxx @hyunmikim @bluesungology @minhosgirlposts @tahiraax1

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[i-messed-up-big-time]

Lonely Birthday - Rafayel

Rafayel x reader

a/n: me when i have way too many ideas and end up pushing the other ones to the back burner. this is rafayel's part to the lonely birthday series i was doing, first part is xavier's! will also be including caleb too since when i first wrote xavier's it was pre-caleb.

divider creds: @/cafekitsune

Tags: angst, happy ending, female pronouns, reader is not MC, female pronouns, cursing, use of pet names (baby)

word count: 3.3k

masterlist

Xavier Zayne Sylus Caleb

Rafayel

You and Rafayel had been dating for a year but had been friends for well over 3 years.

He was the one to ask you out and it was simply perfect, he had set up his house for a cute little romantic evening where you two had a candlelit dinner with your favourite dish, night painting on the beach, and then ended it off with watching the sun rise before heading back inside to sleep.

Rafayel had always managed to make you feel so loved and appreciated.

So where did it go wrong?

You loved celebrating birthdays, whether it was yours or someone else's. It was a day worth celebrating, a day meant just for you.

You always gave more than you received, but it never mattered because seeing the joy on other people's faces was more than enough for you.

Then Rafayel came along and showed you what it meant to also be on the receiving end, to be important to someone and not just be the floater friend.

He taught you self worth, but more importantly he taught you how wonderful it was to be someone's priority.

But then she walked into his life.

You were never the jealous type, always respectful of the friendships that Rafayel had outside of your relationship, but something in you had settled the seeds of doubt, and a woman's intuition was never wrong.

●・○・●・○・●・

You and Rafayel had been planning this birthday date for a couple of months now. You both planned to go to the aquarium for a lunch surrounded by the cute sea creatures, after that you had tickets booked to watch the latest instalment of your favourite movie series followed by a light dinner at home and a surprise that Rafayel had planned, one that he would refuse to tell you no matter how much you probed.

Unfortunately, the weeks leading up to your birthday were nothing but anxiety filled. Lately, Rafayel has been hanging out with his new bodyguard more often than you'd like to acknowledge.

You were never one to police who he can and can't hang out with, but there was just something about her and the way he acted around her that had you feeling insecure, but you'd rather not admit that out loud.

Every time you guys spent time together it was always 'Miss Bodyguard this' or 'Miss Bodyguard that,' it got to a point where you had to subtly point it out as to not come off as a jealous or controlling girlfriend.

And it worked, for a day.

You had called Rafayel the day before your birthday to confirm that your plans were still happening.

"Yeah, yeah don't worry cutie. I'll be there."

You felt a bit of relief when he said yes, but it didn't last too long.

You felt that ugly feeling of jealousy and doubt creep up on you multiple times throughout the day, you tried your hardest to not let it cloud your mind and ruin your birthday before it even started.

You should've just listened to that gut feeling.

●・○・●・○・●・

It was the morning of your birthday, you had woken up feeling less than refreshed. You had been tossing and turning all night, the feeling of unease never leaving as the time kept passing by.

You checked your phone and spotted quite a few birthday messages from your friends, but you didn't see one from Rafayel.

You knew he spent most of his nights awake, and he would never miss the chance to be the first one to wish you at midnight.

You pushed down that feeling of disappointment and decided to start your day with a little pick-me-up treat. Since you were planning on visiting your favourite café, you decided to dress up— that way you would be ready for your lunch date as well.

You spent a few hours at the café, taking cute pictures of yourself and the goodies that you bought. Soon it was time to head over the aquarium. You trusted Rafayel when he said he would be there, he never really gave you a reason not to.

Getting to the aquarium, you settled on a bench nearby the entrance waiting for Rafayel to show up. An hour passed by and it was nearing the time for your lunch reservation. You gave him a quick ring only for it to go straight to voicemail, trying a few more times only to get the same result.

You assumed his phone had died and hoped he was on his way. You decided it was better for you to wait inside at the table, that way your reservation wouldn't be cancelled.

The setting was beautiful, there was only a limited amount of tables all under a dome of glass where the marine life swam above you. Colours of blue made the whole thing feel so scenic and calm.

Sitting at your table you snapped a few pics of your surroundings and decided to order some appetizers, that way by the time they came Rafayel would already be here.

You waited, and waited— and then waited some more, but two hours had passed and Rafayel didn't show up.

You were worried, and just as you were ready to call him again for the umpteenth time, your eye spotted a moments notification from her.

You don't know what compelled you to open it, but you did. You could almost hear the sound of your heart shattering.

There, on her moments post, was Rafayel with his arms wrapped around her waist and a beautiful necklace that glimmered like light reflecting on a waters surface sitting delicately around her neck. It was captioned, 'When your cute boss surprises you with a beautiful gift and planned a whole day of fun for your birthday!'

It was insane how her birthday just happened to be the same day as yours.

Before you even realized it, you were crying. You quickly gathered yourself together and settled the bill, not missing the way everyone who looked at you had pity in their eyes.

Rushing out of the aquarium you beelined it home, not wanting to be around anyone.

When you finally reached the confines of your home you let it all out, collapsing near the door you sobbed until your voice was hoarse and there were no more tears left to cry.

Forcing yourself off the floor, you decided to take a hot shower and change into something more comfortable.

Your shower ended up being longer than you expected it to be, round 2 of yours tears started and you sat with your knees against your chest as the hot water fell from above.

You didn't notice how much time had passed while you were in the shower. The only thing that did get you out was the fact that you had used up all the hot water and that your fingertips were pruny.

You didn't even bother to dry your hair, just wanting to curl up in bed as soon as possible, praying for the day to be over.

It was hard keeping yourself from crying when every little thing reminded you of him. Hell your whole room was filled with all sorts of trinkets and memories of him.

It wasn't about the birthday, but about the fact that you guys had planned a whole day of just you two together, no distractions. You even had Thomas sign an agreement to not bother you guys today!

'Clearly that was all for nothing.'

You scoffed and wrapped the blanket tighter around yourself, the warmth bringing you a tiny bit of comfort.

God knows how long you spent in that one position, zoning in and out or reality, your mind and heart still refusing to grasp the situation but your body reacting with a never ending stream of silent tears.

You know what the insane part was? It wasn't the fact that Rafayel was out spending time with her, but rather the fact that you didn't even receive a single call or text from him. Just radio silence.

It's like anything having to do with you was just wiped from his memory.

As time passed on, you noticed your body crying out in hunger but you didn't have the strength to get up.

A part of you thought that you were being too dramatic, but the teenage girl in you felt like she was in high school again, when you were just the floater friend when the friends they wanted to hang out with were busy, when you were always an afterthought and not the first one.

You never thought you'd feel that with Rafayel, he always made you his number one priority. He knew about your insecurities and always assured you that he'd never put you in that position, ever.

"I guess at some point it was bound to happen." You whispered to yourself as tears fell once again. You just wanted to forget about today and sleep, rolling over you grabbed a bottle out of your bedside drawer. You took the sleeping pill and just laid there, waiting for it to kick in.

It didn't take long for the pills to kick in, closing your eyes you let yourself get enveloped by the darkness.

●・○・●・○・●・

Rafayel

It was late when he got back to his studio, he had this feeling that he was forgetting something but brushed it off.

If it was important I would've remembered it.

Oh how he would soon regret that thought.

He entered his studio expecting to be greeted by his lovely girlfriend, he even got her these desserts that MC loves so much.

"I should charge my phone first, it kept going off so MC took my phone and wouldn't even let me see who was contacting me."

He looked around but didn't see you anywhere. His studio was eerily quiet, Rafayel brushed it off as you having gone to bed considering how late it was.

Making his way to his room, he noticed how the bed looked untouched.

How weird, surely she should have been in bed by now.

He put his phone on charge, cursing it to charge faster.

That's when he saw it all, having been too preoccupied this morning with MC he missed out on his reminder.

Y/N's b-day! Don't forget your lunch reservation at the Linkon Aquarium! And absolutely do not let Thomas bother you about exhibitions!!!

It felt like cold water had been dumped on him as he read the reminder he wrote a few weeks back.

"I screwed up, fuck."

Rafayel started to freak out, his mind running a mile a minute. He quickly grabbed his phone and keys before bolting out of the house to your place.

Normally, you stay at his place more than yours since you guys had very limited quality time and being at his place made it easier to at least spend some time together. Although occasionally you did go home from time to time.

He beelined it to your place, praying you would forgive him. Although he wouldn't blame you if you didn't.

Hell if he was in your position he probably wouldn't forgive himself either! Instead of spending your birthday with you, he was out with another woman spending time with her for her birthday without even so much as a word from him.

As he reached your place he rushed up the stairs to your floor, the elevator taking too long to come. His hands were shaking so much that he struggled to put in your passcode.

After finally typing in the right code Rafayel rushed in, messily throwing off his shoes. He frantically looked around your apartment for you, not seeing you in the living room or kitchen he sped to your room.

The sight in front of him broke him beyond words.

Even in the dark he could see your eyes were puffy, probably from crying so much, there were tears that still stained your cheeks.

He carefully walked towards the edge of the bed, kneeling down so he was next to your head. Rafayel carefully wiped your cheeks, drying them of the tears you shed because of his stupidity.

"I'm so sorry, I know an apology won't fix the hurt I've caused you. Today was supposed to be your special day but I messed it all up."

Rafayel whispered as he gently stroked your cheeks. He stayed in that position until he eventually fell asleep, afraid that if he let go you would disappear.

●・○・●・○・●・

The next morning you awoke to the feeling of someone's hands on your face.

Knowing you went to bed alone, you quickly shot up in a state of panic, grabbing the nearest object to defend yourself.

It took your eyes a moment to adjust before you noticed the concerned eyes staring back at you.

Rafayel moved to get closer to you but you held a hand up, stopping him in his tracks.

"Don't you dare come near me. Get out right now!"

You were never one to raise your voice, but the feelings from yesterday were still fresh.

Rafayel looked shocked that you would raise your voice, but he still persisted. Not wanting to let you be alone anymore than he already made you.

He grabbed your hands but you yanked them right out, you really didn't want to do this so early in the morning.

"Please just let me explain."

Rafayel begged, he could feel your emotions radiating off of you in waves. It hurt him to know he was the one who did this to you, but he'd be damned if he didn't do anything to make it better.

"There's nothing to explain Rafayel. I know who you were with, clearly she is more important than your own fucking girlfriend!"

You felt appalled by his audacity to even try to give you an excuse, there was nothing he could say or do that could bring back yesterday. He made his choice, and it wasn't you.

A small part of you felt like you were overreacting, but a larger part of you validated your feelings.

Yes it was the first time he did something like this, but that doesn't mean you should bend over backwards and forgive him just because he said sorry.

You got up and grabbed his arm, knowing how persistent he is you know he wouldn't leave your apartment, at the very least you can kick him out your room.

Pushing him out the room, you slammed and locked the door before he even had time to process what was happening.

Everything you were holding in came bursting out like a flood. You didn't care if Rafayel was on the other side of the door, the hurt you felt yesterday came back ten fold when you saw his face.

On the other side, Rafayel had his forehead against the door. The pain in your cries made it feel like he was being stabbed over and over again.

He knew if he went in there he would just make things worse for himself, but he couldn't just stand there and listen to your broken sobs.

He picked the lock and gently opened the door, unsure of how close you were to the door, and because he didn't want to risk adding physical pain to the emotional pain you were already going through.

Letting himself in he found you on the floor at the end of your bed, he made his way over and scooped you in his arms before settling down on your bed with you in his lap.

He wrapped his arms around your waist as you tried to push yourself off of him, his hold was tight but not restricting.

You beat his chest with your fists muttering curses at him through your tears. Rafayel just sat there and let you have your way, hoping it brought you some comfort.

When your hits became weaker he shifted to pull you closer to his chest, your forehead now on his shoulders as you sobbed messily. Rafayel rubbed your back soothingly, trying to get you to calm down a bit.

You started to relax a bit in his warm embrace, but you were still on edge.

"Do you want to talk to me now baby?"

He spoke softly, the pain of seeing you in this condition leaking into his voice.

"You left me, and for another woman at that?"

You said after a few moments of silence.

"How could you forget about me? Do I mean that little to you now that you have Miss Bodyguard?"

You looked up at him, the tears streaming down your face. He reached up to wipe them away but you turned your face before he could and wiped them yourself.

He retracted his hands and placed them back on your waist, rubbing circles on them.

"No baby, you mean the world to me. I know it's not an excuse but it's my judgement gets cloudy when I'm around her."

You gave him a look that was a mix between 'what the fuck' and 'your words are not helping your case here.'

As bad as the timing was he let out a little chuckle.

"It's not something I can explain in simple words, but if you give me the chance I'll tell you everything without missing a single detail."

●・○・●・○・●・

Rafayel took the time to thoroughly explain everything to you regarding his past and MC. He constantly stressed multiple times that you were the one he chose and this life and would continue to choose in every other life after this.

You deliberated over his words, it was all a lot to take in, but it definitely helped you understand the situation more.

Not that it forgives him for leaving you alone, on your birthday no less.

“Wait, did you get her a birthday present too?”

You questioned, just now remembering the necklace from the photo.

Rafayel looked at you confused.

“I didn’t even know it was her birthday, why would I give her a birthday present?”

You narrowed your eyes at him in suspicion. Leaning over you grabbed your phone and pulled up the photo, making sure he got a good look at the caption too.

Rafayel snatched your phone the moment he saw it, looking at it with confusion with a hint of anger.

“Baby I promise on the seas I never did any of that! She’s the one who had planned everything and she was already wearing that necklace when I saw her.”

Rafayel explained. You were confused as to why she would go this far to post a lie, it didn’t sit right with you.

“Don’t worry I’ll make sure to no longer have her as my bodyguard, I won’t ever contact her.”

Rafayel said as he took a whole of your face.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm controlling who you employ or interact wi—"

"Absolutely not."

Rafayel cut you off.

"I would never feel that way, ever. This post though, it's really weird and I don't want this type of energy around us. I cherish you too much for that."

He spoke with a tone that was meant to assure me, that something like this will never happen again.

You nod and rest your head against his shoulder again, feeling more drained than yesterday.

"You're still not forgiven for yesterday, you have to make it up to me."

You said with a big yawn, feeling your eyes get heavier.

Rafayel chuckles before laying down with you snuggled on top of him.

"I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if that's how long it takes for you to forgive me."

He kisses the top of your head and then pulls the covers around you both.

"Now sleep, I'll be right here when you wake up."

He wrapped an arm around your waist, while his other hand rubbed your back soothingly.

Letting out a hum, you relaxed further into his hold, letting sleep envelop you.

[ashwhowrites]

SO excited a fave is back!!!!

i was wondering if we could have some fwb angst to fluff with eddie? like eddie has been super vague about his feelings for r and shes super sad abt it but then he invites her over for valentines day and they have a cute date with a cute confession?

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you so much for requesting❤️

Valentine's Day

It was supposed to be a one-time thing, one night, and mean nothing. She and Eddie were only meant to cross the lines as best friends one time.

Only

One

Time

"Can I ask you something?" Y/N asked, fiddling with her fingers nervously. A few beers scattered on the floor, giving her the courage to ask.

Eddie nodded as he inhaled his cigarette, keeping his eyes on her. She sat across from him on his bed, the two were just spending a typical Friday night together. Something they always did.

"Have you ever had sex?"

Eddie coughed as he exhaled, not expecting his girl best friend to ask him something so personal. He blushed as he ashed out his cigarette.

"Um no," he mumbled embarrassed, "have you?"

Y/N was a little surprised he was still a virgin, but in a way, it comforted her. She felt embarrassed as she shook her head no, taking a swig of her drink as her throat got dry.

"Really? I'm surprised," Eddie mumbled, leaning over to grab her beer as he took a swig.

"What? Why?" She asked, her head turned to the side and Eddie thought about how cute she was.

He shrugged, passing her the beer. "I just find it hard to believe, that's all."

"Do you think I'm a slut or something?" She questioned a little hurt by his response.

He panicked, eyes wide as he waved his hands. "Of course not! It's just you are... attractive." He stumbled out, he wasn't sure if it was the embarrassment or the beer that made his body hot.

"Oh," she whispered, slightly smiling to herself. "I would say the same about you," Eddie swallowed harshly as she looked at him with batted eyelashes.

"You think I'm attractive?" Eddie chuckled

"Don't laugh!" She said as she smacked his arm. "You're handsome and I think everyone can see that."

"Handsome? What am I four? I wanna be smoking hot to the babes," Eddie smirked, placing his hands behind his head. Y/N stopped herself from staring at the way his arms bulged out in the new position.

She was pretty damn sure from this point the alcohol did all the talking. And that's where it got complicated.

"You are," she confessed, "trust me, we all think it."

Eddie had a big grin on his face as he sat up, leaning over so his face was closer to hers. "You all think I'm smoking hot? Including you?"

She didn't know but her words were making his heart race. He didn't care if he was hot to other girls, he wanted to be hot to her.

"Yes," she said as she shyly looked away but Eddie didn't let that happen. His finger rested under her chin as he pushed her head up.

"I think you're smoking hot too, baby," he whispered. She nibbled on her lip as she looked into his dark and intense brown eyes. Her stomach did flips when his eyes flashed down at her lips. "Why did you ask about sex?"

"I don't want to be a virgin anymore," she whispered honestly. The alcohol gave her no shame or boundaries. "And I'm too scared to do it with a random guy."

Eddie couldn't help but feel himself getting turned on by the idea. A teasing glint in his eyes made her nervous. He leaned in, his nose nudging hers as his finger stayed on her chin. She was so close to him that she could taste the beer and cigarette in his breath.

"Are you saying you want me to fuck you?"

She mindlessly whined, her body betraying her as she felt something between her thighs. She closed her eyes as she pictured it. His warm body was on top of hers as he made her feel things she'd never felt.

"Yes," she said with her eyes closed. Too scared to face the reality.

"Ask nicely," she could hear the teasing in his voice. Eddie always loved to pick on people and tease them to get them riled up. And she wasn't shocked he did the same thing in the bedroom.

She opened her eyes, and the nervousness she felt washed away as she remembered it was Eddie in front of her. No amount of his teasing was serious. He'd be gentle and he'd do anything she wanted.

"Will you please-" she couldn't even finish before he pushed her body against the mattress, and his lips landed on hers.

~

The morning after was so awkward and they didn't know how to act. It was silent the whole car ride to her house. It took days before either of them got the courage to talk. They realized they might have ruined their friendship for one night.

But the problem wasn't that the sex was bad that it made it impossible to see each other. It was that the sex was so damn good that they craved it.

Instead of talking it out and trying to resolve it, they ended up back up in bed together. Their relationship wasn't awkward in the sheets, her under him and calling out his name.

So that's how a friend with benefits came to be. It's been a hot few months and neither wanted it to end. But Y/N couldn't help but realize she was falling for him. She wished she could keep it as only sex but she wanted to kiss him whenever she wanted. She wanted his hand in hers at all times. She wanted to be claimed and to claim him.

But Eddie was very hard to read. He was so vague with his feelings unless it was during sex. She did try to talk about it but he got this uncomfortable look on his face and changed the subject. Unfortunately, she believed that was him telling her nothing more would happen.

Eddie noticed she was different during their pillow talk. Her eyes didn't hold the same passion, almost like her eyes got sad. She didn't look at him during sex much anymore, keeping her eyes closed as he tried to touch her back to life.

He wasn't sure what was going on but he was scared to ask. He didn't want to lose her like he almost did last time. So he figured it was best to do what they felt comfortable doing.

He wasn't aware that his cold feet were making Y/N want to change her mind.

~~~

Y/N pulled up to Eddie's trailer, a question on her mind and she was ready to demand an answer. She let herself in, heading to his bedroom.

The door was open as she looked in. He was scribbling in his notebook, looking up as he heard footsteps.

"Hey baby, what are you doing here?" He smiled

She ignored how beautiful he looked with his hair tied up. She sighed and moved to sit across from him, taking the small notebook out of his hands so she had all his attention. He watched silently, letting her do so.

"I want to talk about us," she said

"What about us?"

"What do you think we're doing?"

Eddie was confused, treading lightly. "Friends who enjoy sex together?"

"Is it just sex?" She asked. Her soft eyes stared into his as he fumbled for an answer. He wasn't sure what the right answer was.

"I don't know," he shrugged, "we haven't discussed how this works."

"Because you refuse, Eddie!"

"I just don't think we need to have a conversation about it! We like what's going on so what needs to change."

Y/N tried to hide her disappointment. He was fine with what they were and that's all she needed to know.

"You're right," she faked a smile.

Eddie felt relieved as she seemed to be fine. "Yeah? We're good?"

"Yes," she lied, leaning in to press her lips against his.

~

Eddie wasn't interested in becoming her boyfriend so she figured to look elsewhere. In the meantime, she could enjoy sweaty sex with Eddie, and find a rebound to fix her heart.

Luckily for her, a guy in one of her classes has been waiting for her to say yes to a date. Finally, she did.

"So how come this place?" Zack asked as they walked into the Hideout.

Y/N felt guilty for using the poor guy, but she wanted to punish Eddie for not wanting her. She wanted him to feel jealous and find out he did want her. Zack was a pawn and it was wrong, but she was out of ideas.

"One of my favorite places to hang out. Good music, drink and food," she explained. The two sat at a small booth after they ordered their drinks at the bar.

~

"No way, dude. Not interested," Eddie laughed as he and Gareth walked into the Hideout.

"Why? You already said that you and Y/N are still only sex," Gareth explained.

"Doesn't mean I want to get involved with another girl and create a mess," Eddie said heading to the bar. He sat on the stool and ordered a beer as Gareth sat next to him.

"Then what the hell are you doing? Fucking your best friend but won't date her. But also don't want to get involved with another girl."

"Why does sex immediately mean a relationship? I love Y/N but I don't know if I could be a good boyfriend. But what I am is a good friend and that's why I'm not going to sleep with her and then randomly go on a date with a girl. She'd be crushed," Eddie explained as he took a swig of his beer.

"Would you be crushed if she did it to you?" Gareth asked, his eyes looking past Eddie. Confused, Eddie turned around and felt his stomach drop.

"Is that Y/N?" Eddie asked, staring ahead. Y/N was sitting very close to a random guy, his arm thrown over her shoulder. "She's on a date." Eddie gulped.

"See a problem with it?" Gareth asked. It was clear Eddie wanted to be with her and Gareth was pretty sure Eddie wouldn't do it on his own without a push.

"A little," Eddie growled. Anger and jealousy filled his body as the boy scooted closer, his face getting close to hers. Before the boy could press his lips against hers, Eddie threw him out of the booth.

"Dude, what the hell?" Zack said as he stood up. Y/N looked at Eddie shocked, quickly getting out of the booth as she stood between the boys.

"Eddie, what is wrong with you!"

"Wrong with me? You were in my bed last night and now you're on a date with this loser?" Eddie growled as he puffed out his chest. His anger-filled eyes locked on the man behind her.

Y/N felt her cheeks burn in embarrassment. "Calm down and let's go talk."

Eddie followed her outside but nothing calmed the jealousy in his body. The door closed, and she went to speak, but Eddie didn't give her a chance. His tongue was in her mouth in seconds, she gasped as she melted into his touch.

She moaned into his mouth as he gripped her ass and took control of the kiss. Her head was spinning as her back found the brick wall of the bar, his body pressed against hers.

Even though she got lost in him, she gained her composure and shoved him off. "I said talk, Munson."

"I don't want to talk," he said against her lips, going to kiss her again but she shoved him off again.

"You never want to talk! It's only physical with you. I'm fucking done," she spat. She turned to go back to the bar but Eddie grabbed her arm.

"Done? Why are you mad at me? You're the one on a date," Eddie argued.

"Yes, I'm done. And I'm mad because I've given you so many chances to make this more. And you never once seemed interested. Now that someone else is interested you want to get jealous? Screw you." She fought. He didn't know this was what she wanted. She wanted a fight; she wanted him to fight for her, run after her, and beg for her.

"Fine," he said with a straight face. "You want whoever that dude is, go for it. But when you realize no one will touch you the way I do, don't bother calling."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Oh please, Eddie. You only want sex, I can find that in anyone. But you can't find love in anyone. I'm not settling anymore."

Eddie felt the blow to his chest. Hurt that what they had was her settling. And he hated the idea of her finding sex with anyone. He pushed down his jealousy, prepared to say everything she needed to hear to say.

"I can give you love. And I'll prove it to you. But please don't leave with him," he begged. He moved closer, watching to see if she moved. When she didn't, he pressed his forehead against hers. His deep eyes bored into hers.

"One chance, Eddie. That's all I'm giving you," she sighed.

~

She did as he asked and went home alone. Her brain was exhausted from his back and forth she was fine to be alone. She wasn't sure if Eddie could give her the love she needed, but giving it a shot was worth it.

The next day she received a call from him asking her to stop by his trailer for dinner. She was nervous to see how it would go. They never were able to talk about whatever they had going on, and now she was going to find out the truth. It was Valentine's Day and she couldn't lie that she was thankful he didn't have another girl to spend the holiday with.

Could Eddie love her the way she wanted?

She took a deep breath as she walked into the trailer. She froze as the trailer was lit up in ways it never was before. Fairy lights along the walls and pink and red decorations hung up. Flower petals scattered along the floor.

"Eddie?" She called out moving into the trailer but he was nowhere to be seen. After calling his name, he came out of his bedroom, holding a single rose as he was dressed in dark jeans and a white button up.

She gulped as she took him in. He was insanely gorgeous and her stomach fluttered.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he said softly as he passed her the rose. She took the rose and smiled. He was close enough that she could smell his delicious cologne, see the sparkles in his eyes, and feel his shaky breath touch her face.

"Thank you," she whispered. Her nerves were building as the room felt thick. "What's all this?"

"You said I have one shot, and I'm going to put everything I got into this one chance," Eddie said. He gently grabbed her hand and walked her over to the couch. Snacks on the table, all her favorites.

"Eddie you don't have to do all of this. I just want to talk," she explained, "but this is all very beautiful."

"And I'm ready to talk and I'm going to be honest about everything. " His breath was shaky as he sighed. He kept his hand laced with hers. "After we had sex for the first time, it was awkward and we almost didn't know how to fix it."

She nodded along, that was true. She was terrified they messed everything up.

"But when we found ourselves in bed again, it was fixed. I wanted us to focus on the part we didn't struggle with. I knew whenever we were intimate that we would be us again. I almost lost you, and I'm terrified if we move forward, get into a relationship, and it falls apart. Then I'm losing you forever. And fuck, I can't lose you." Eddie explained, all his feelings on the table.

She gripped his hand as he seemed to be nervous. "Honestly, that all makes sense. I can understand why you didn't want to change what we knew was working. But Eddie, I fell for you. I didn't think that's what would happen and I was so scared I was going to fuck it up because I realized I love you. If we go down this route of only sex, we are going to lose each other because I'm going to end up heartbroken."

"So you want to be with me?" Eddie questioned

"Do you want to be with me? Could you fall in love with me?" She asked, biting her lip as she nervously waited for him to answer.

"Darling I already did,"

She smiled at his words, feeling the need to scream with excitement. "So ask me."

Eddie unlaced their hands, moving down to one knee as he dug into his pocket. Her eyes widened as she panicked. But felt relief when he pulled out a candy heart necklace.

"Y/N, will you be my Valentine and spend our first Valentine's Day together as my girlfriend?"

She smiled as she nodded her head, "I'd love nothing more."

Eddie smiled and tossed the necklace on the table, "Wait I want that!" She fought but Eddie grabbed her legs and yanked her to the edge of the couch.

"Yeah, later; right now, I want to taste my girlfriend and make up for all my stupid mistakes," he smirked as his hands ran up her thighs. She shivered under his touch and leaned down, her lips softly pressing against his.

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger @arlxt @ineedmentalhelp123 @emxxblog

[rueharley]

"It's not In my nature to"

Rafe cameron x Reader girlfriend

Where Reader and Rafe cameron get into an argument over why reader has been distant. Mostly for me to just vent out; things have been tough lately.

+ make up (I promise it's a happy ending)

.....................................................................

"Baby, talk to me," Rafe said with a tone influenced with a hidden plea. His eyes were trained onto me like a sniper, watching for any break, any hint of me opening up to him.

"I don't want to talk," I retort simply, my gaze falling anywhere but between the two sofas we were on.

My shoulders felt tense, no matter me trying to remain calm. Although I felt my throat being tight, I restrained myself from clenching my jaw, the gesture so easily being misunderstood as contempt.

He leaned back on the sofa and huffed, "of course" he mumbled, his voice bordered on anger, this was a point that wasn't lost on me.

I find anger unbearable and terrifying, yet clearly not enough to pull me from my old bad habits.

He looked across to me, i could almost see him as he considered if he should push me or not.

His icy blue eyes flickered across my face, analysing what the hell was wrong with my and why I was always so defensive.

I exhaled slowly, I felt this deep undercurrent of shame, of disgust with myself.

He, of course, was right. I should confide in him, talk to him, speak to him, say something to him. Regardless of the irrational, morbid, or even absurd concerns of mine, I shouldn't be hiding from him like this.

This is a default defence of mine - It is destructive.

"Can you give me some idea on what's wrong?" he spoke pulling me from my thoughts.

His voice was still filled with annoyance but he tried to keep reasonable, and I was grateful for that.

I ran through all the thoughts in my head. Give him something, anything, just try.

"is it.. Your family? Did something happen with them?" he spoke tentatively, trying to encourage me.

I shook my head, the simple act of speaking was now something that felt impossible. How can emotions manage to disable your most practiced actions so competently?

"Your friends..?" his words assaulted the air and I could only feel bad for making him guess.

He shouldn't have to guess what was wrong, the whole reason I didn't tell him because I think I'm being sensitive. It's not a secret, just something I wanted to blow over.

A moment of silence passed as he contemplated continued questioning. It's strange how well we read each other, yet sometimes we can't reach each other at all.

He sighed softly, he knew by my little reaction that my response was a no.

"is it.. Me? Did I do something?" he said with an almost unnoticed increase of frustration. His eyes watched me a bit closer, I wondered if he already knew.

It didn't even cross my mind to verbalise agreement. Yet in my mind the words 'yes' were speaking.

A tactical pause enveloped the room, a tactical pause or a hesitant falter - I'm ignorant to the difference.

I nodded so delicately, as if my agreement could cause an entire war from the simple gesture.

The ticking clock on the wall was mocking us. Mocking our inability to be as readable and consistent as it was. But this is a bit of a random and unnecessary thought.

His gaze focused and I felt the room's atmosphere intensify. I think I just confused the hell out of him while simultaneously giving him the relief of something close to an answer.

"I did something?" his voice was lower and genuinely curious, "what did I do, baby?"

I watched his bewildered face, it made me feel a pang of guilt. This was the whole reason I never wanted to tell him in the first place.

I looked to my hands, I was now rethinking everything I felt, gushing with guilt or was it remorse, I'm not sure what the difference is.

I need to speak, I have to speak.

I can feel him waiting to hear me and for some reason it feels like a climax to an undefinable end.

What is it that I'm overthinking, I havnt even said a word yet.

But that's the thing; words are unbearable. Who gave humans the ability to speak, yet be misunderstood with a strange sense of eagerness. Words hold no solace, they simply lack the inbetweens that might articulate my feelings.

Maybe there are not enough words to describe what is happening to me - or maybe I was never supposed to try.

I was suddenly pulled from my thoughts, Rafes gaze was still on me and he knew I was thinking about the exact thing he did.

"it is something you did"

My words were like a storm and the silence that followed were like a palpitation.

His expression hardened as I confirmed that the source of the issue was him.

I knew that if looks could speak, ours would be screaming at each other in multiple languages. Not angrily, just because at times we can both be very expressive people.

He could read in my pretty bland expression that I wasn't going to go any further into this. Admitting it was him at the root of it was an achievement in itself.

Rafe ran a hand through his hair, frustration and concern sat precariously on his handsome features.

I loved him so much.

He leans forward, closing some of the distance between us. His eyes were focused with a hint of determination.

"Can you at least let me know what it is that I did?" he spoke lowly and carefully. He was really trying to understand this confusing rift between us.

"No.." I say quietly, speaking a bit quicker than I wanted to and instantly regretting it. That was my best opportunity to open up and I lost it with my own stubbornness.

A flicker of anger met his face. His icy gaze, not colder, but deeper, as if challenged by the extent of his own emotions.

"You won't even tell me? Why are you being so damn frustrating..?"

Without missing a beat from his harsher reply I replied

"You were the one trying to get it out of me when I didn't want to say anything." my tone wasn't too harsh, I never could be too harsh with him, but it definitely carried some heat.

Rafe scoffed as he looked away for a moment. His gaze remained in the distance, he was trying to calm himself.

The slow realisation that seems to be felt simultaneously during arguing came into the room. A mutual recognising that we do love each other, that arguing is kinda stupid.

"You're not making this very easy" he spoke gently, his gaze still away.

"It's not In my nature to" I replied, ensuring that silence wouldn't have arrested the room.

His unintentionally intense gaze came back to me.

It was so open it was almost alarming, so I looked to him with that same, surrendering agreement.

"what did I do, baby?" he spoke, his words lacking bite or challenge. His eyes were softer but focused, in no universe would I feel fonder of something.

I inhaled deeply and decided to bite the bullet. Face it. I loved him and love makes you have to do hard things.

"I'm just a bit.. Scared.." I began to say, my words delicate, my words precise, and with a little too much thought.

"Come here, baby," Rafe practically whispered as he tapped the sofa besides him.

I moved to besides him, the soft feeling of comfort meeting my body from his simple gesture.

I sat besides him and he rests his hand on my thigh.

I was sat close enough that I could smell the faint scent of his cologne.

"why are you scared, baby?" he asks quietly, his gaze ducking to stay on mine.

"I just.. I realised how serious this relationship is now.. That we are tied, like that" I say, crossing my fingers following the gesture of two souls intertwined.

I noticed how a flicker of confusion met with his eyes, yet he remained quiet to let me speak.

"I'm scared because I realised this is headed one way and that this is a serious, long term relationship" I spoke, a bit more confidently now.

"baby.." he bagan to reply, his gaze flickering off as he collected his words. "so you've been off and distant lately.. Because of a good thing..?"

"well 'good thing' is all about perspective.." my voice trailed slightly.

"no, baby," he cut me off, his tone a bit harsher, "it is not a bad thing. This relationship is a good thing, it's precious to us both, so you'll be fine,"

"but-"

"No, this isn't something you get upset over. Don't get upset over good things," He said his tone lightening to his more usual confident tone.

I sighed, not convinced.

He moved closer to me and held the side of my neck with his hand. His eyes watched me with their usual fondness and ease.

"my pretty girl" he murmurs.

I smiled slightly under his gaze, his words sounded so beautiful.

"I've always gotta keep an eye on your thoughts, huh"

I tutted at his choice of words, however, he did aways have a way to deal with my anxieties. He often just denied them and kept reminding me of reality, and when it's coming from him it seems to work.

He moved closer, his hot breath fluttered over my skin.

"pretty, Gorgeous, baby.. Mine, my baby," he murmers, almost inaudible.

It made my heart beat a bit quicker hearing him speak like that.

He quickly moved closer pushing his lips on to mine. He kissed me with passion and desire, somehow it blocked out all my thoughts.

He continued to kiss me, our lips moving against each others desperately.

I pushed against the kiss wanting more, yet he pulled away, much to my dismay.

I huffed out in protest.

"need to know you'll talk to me about this stuff in the future, baby," he says quietly resting his forehead against mine.

I nodded in response, as agreement.

"yeah?" he says wanting me to copy him for a verbal reply. His eyes bored into mine.

"yeah." I reply with promise.

"good girl, I love you, my baby," he says moving and kissing me lightly on the forehead.

"I love you too"

[vyvienne]

As I sit here in my favorite place at the Damp, the study ambiance soothes me in a way many places cannot. It brings contemplation as I pour over all of these books, wonderful and insightful. It usually doesn’t matter exactly what book I choose either. It’s the immersion into the world of knowledge that leads me to the calm and contemplation.

It also makes me wonder about the nature of power, the nature of our past traumas that inform our future selves. I ran across a passage in a book about strength and darkness in equal measure. How does one know where one ends and the other begins? How often does strength lead to darkness? Or in short, was the darkness always inside, waiting to come out or did it piggyback onto the strength one needs to endure the horrific?

And further, would we change who we are now for a life before that inner strength burst forth?

I cannot say I would. I can no longer even think I would want to. Between Drex and Angelinne, I had more conscience than I ever needed. Odd to me that they both came into my life at the same time. If one believes the Church, one must consider nearly all of my actions both before them and after as being evil. Or at the very, very least lacking concern for others well being.

I certainly failed at Respect. I have spent a good part of my life cultivating dispassion towards my fellow beings on Azeroth but I have never been able to move past seeing an enemy as an enemy. And I had lots of enemies.

While I am certain I have Tenacity it is assuredly not what the Church envisions.

And while I have felt compassion for some, mostly children, I have no compassion for many others.

So why was I ever a priestess?

And therein lies the rub. I was not. I have been a thief, a spy and even a murderer. But never, until Drex and Angelinne, did I inhabit the role of priestess seriously. Because the strength I had was from the darkness I both witnessed and possessed.

It makes me realize now how much I belong within the Sanctum. How I have always belonged with people like this. People like me, who do not attempt to change but only enhance you in ways that elevate your mind and body. No one expects worship, and indeed I do not ever see myself worshiping anyone. They simply want what they want unabashedly and do not mind making things happen to bring it about.

While I have struggled to incorporate all of the Light I took into myself, my fear of it warping my inner self has now diminished and has indeed completely disappeared. I am, as I have always been, one who walks the tightrope between the Light and Dark. No amount of either will tilt me to fall.

There is no “too much”. There is only more.

She wears strength and darkness equally well, the girl has always been half goddess, half hell.

Nikita Gill

[fallen-w1ngs]

'' DEPOLLUTE ME , GENTLE ANGEL ,,

|| pairings: hawks x reader / keigo takami x reader

|| warning: a little suggestive, but it stops, other than that its comfort <3 listen to the song "We'll Never Have Sex" and you'll understand. reverse comfort

|| word count: 0.8k

Hawks. Number two hero in all of Japan. Fastest hero in all the country, youngest too, only age 22 and he was number two. Everyone seemed to want a piece of him, woman, man, anyone. It made sense, of course, he was attractive. He acted carefree, always with a boyish grin on his face and everything he did seemed so effortless. Perhaps that was apart of the problem.

No matter what he did, everyone made their assumptions. Made their ideas, believing him to be a playboy or some sex-driven man. He hated it. Keigo was told to just let it happen, it was good publicity. Especially with how much his fans ate it up, he complied. He let it happen.

That all changed when he met you. Who's hands were never quick, never yearning in a way to get his clothes off. Your hands were soft, gentle. Always caring, never forcing. Keigo didn't understand it, why weren't you trying anything? Why weren't you trying to make him apart of a fantasy?

Your soft lips against his as you sat in his laps, but it wasn't quick. Not 'hot and bothered' as some may speculate, no, it was slow and careful. His hands placed on the small of your back as the two of you kissed. It was a comfort, it was wonderful. Something Keigo always yearns after he finishes a hard day of a hero, to come home where you'd swing by. Watch a movie, make some food, just be together. Sweet kisses exchanged, tonight was no different. The only small change was that those small kisses turned to a small make-out.

You, who'd move your hands just a bit down, down Keigo's chest. He didn't want it to stop, but at the same time it felt like too much. Something he wasn't ready for, not yet at least. The vermillion feathers ruffled behind him as he forced himself to let this happen. You, on the other hand? You stopped and pulled away, cupping his face in your hands as you pressed a gentle kiss on Keigo's scarred cheek.

"Why'd you stop?" Your boyfriends question was barely above a whisper as he held you close. He didn't understand, was he not kissing you well enough? Not being good enough for you?

"Because you wanted to stop," You ran a hand through his messy blonde hair. One that's been kissed by the winds that he flew through during the day. Before he could try to fight back you continued. "I could tell your hesitation, love."

"Dove, we can keep going-"

"When you're ready."

Keigo stared at you with his golden eyes, staring up at you as you mindlessly brushed through his hair with your fingers. Untangling any mess that had happened from the day, taking out any small pieces of dirt or debris from the day. He didn't understand. No, he wasn't a virgin, why were you acting like he was? He held you tighter as he pushed his face into the plush of your neck.

Taking a deep inhale of your scent as he relaxed under your touch.

"Thank you."

You knew how the media treated him, as some sort of sex symbol. Always putting him on a pedestal as the number two hero, fastest hero in all of Japan. It killed you everytime you'd see an article of some made up scandal Keigo was supposedly apart of. You'd compare that article to your boyfriend. The man who'd come home, dragging his feet against the wooden floor. Eyebags under his eyes once he wiped the make up he used to conceal it. He was exhausted, overworked. Yet all the media saw was some one-dimensional man.

With a small hum, you shook your head and pushed a small kiss to your winged boyfriends forehead. Lingering there for a few moments before pulling away. A small smile on your face as you kept your gaze on him.

"You don't need to thank me, Keigs."

"But I should, you-"

You pushed your finger against his lips, a small smirk danced on your lips as you huffed.

"I don't wanna do anything you're not comfortable with. We don't have to do anything soon," With a small sigh, not of disappointment, you pressed your forehead against his. Fluttering your eyes closed as you kept speaking softly. "I kiss you just to kiss you, Keigo. If you don't wanna go too far, we don't have to. I'll be as patient as you need."

Your words hit a chord somewhere in Keigo. He always felt so pressured to do.. Well, anything. Hero work, the Commission, friends, enemies. He had so many things he had to do. But with you? He could go his pace for once. Not Hawks'. Not the man he presented to be, not the fastest hero in Japan. Just Keigo. He could go as slow as he needed, and you'd be there to support him.

"I love you," He whispered softly, his voice trembling just the smallest bit as he kept his emotions in check. Trying not to cry.

"I love you too, my darling."

"I love you," He repeated again. And again. And again. He kept whispering it as he kissed your neck softly, not a tease, not to lead up to something else. But because he could, because he wanted to.

"My gentle angel."

|| GUYS. GUYS. IM CHDBSIUBSIBVIDBLDVSAA i love keigo oml. i love how complex he is, he means sm to me OOOMMMLLLLLL :(( TO BE CLEAR!! im not anti-sex or smth, i js find it interesting to see the difference between hawks and keigo. i can make a whole essay on this

[letterstoalonewolf]

Southern Charm

Jasper Hale x Reader

Summary: There’s something dangerous about Jasper Hale—something that should make you run the other way. But then he smirks, tilts his head just so, and says, “Looking good today, ma’am,” in that slow Southern drawl, and suddenly, you forget why you were supposed to resist him in the first place.

───────────────────────────────

The first time you heard Jasper Hale speak, it was over something as simple as a door.

You had reached for the handle, fingers barely grazing the metal before he was there, faster than humanly possible, pulling it open with an effortless grace. His touch was light, like the ghost of a promise, but the weight of his presence behind you was something you felt in your bones.

“After you, darlin’.”

The drawl was smooth, rich like aged whiskey, laced with something deeper—something that sent an involuntary shiver down your spine. When you turned to meet his gaze, golden eyes locked onto yours, full of quiet amusement and something else you couldn’t quite name.

It wasn’t fair, really.

Jasper Hale was lethal in more ways than one.

It wasn’t just his impossible beauty, all sharp cheekbones and tousled blond waves that made him look like some Southern heartbreak wrapped in temptation. It wasn’t just his voice, either, that sinful, honeyed accent that curled around words like a promise, making even the simplest phrases sound like poetry. No, the real danger was how easily he could make you forget yourself.

And he knew it.

“See somethin’ you like, sugar?” he teased, the corner of his mouth lifting into that barely-there smirk.

Heat bloomed across your cheeks, but you refused to look away. “Just wondering if you always go out of your way to be this much of a gentleman.”

His chuckle was low, a quiet rumble in his chest as he leaned in just slightly, enough to make your breath catch. “Can’t help it, ma’am. Mama raised me right.”

His eyes flickered to your lips, just for a second—quick enough that you might have imagined it, but the way your stomach flipped told you otherwise.

Jasper Whitlock Hale was going to ruin you.

***

It didn’t stop there.

He was relentless in his quiet, effortless charm, making it impossible to ignore the fact that you were utterly, completely drawn to him.

It was in the way he always pulled out your chair before you could sit. The way he made a habit of offering his arm when you walked together, as if it were second nature—like touching you was something he couldn’t help but do.

And, of course, the compliments.

“Looking mighty fine today, sweetheart,” he’d murmur in passing, voice just low enough that only you could hear.

“You do that on purpose,” you accused one afternoon, unable to hide the way your lips twitched at his antics.

Jasper, ever composed, merely raised an eyebrow. “Do what, now?”

“That—” you waved a hand vaguely, flustered, “—the whole Southern gentleman routine. The flirting.”

He didn’t even try to look innocent. If anything, his smirk widened.

“Now, sugar,” he drawled, stepping in closer, “who said I was flirtin’?”

You scoffed, but your pulse betrayed you, fluttering wildly beneath his gaze. “Oh, please. You’re not subtle.”

Jasper hummed, tilting his head as if considering your words. Then, before you could react, he reached out, knuckles brushing against the curve of your jaw, tilting your chin up ever so slightly.

And just like that, all the breath left your lungs.

“Wouldn’t dream of bein’ subtle with you, darlin’,” he murmured, voice dipping into something lower, rougher. “I like makin’ sure you know exactly what’s on my mind.”

His thumb skimmed over your cheekbone, featherlight but searing, and you swore the entire world narrowed to the space between you.

Jasper didn’t just flirt.

He unraveled.

And you? You were already his to begin with.

***

It took you longer than you’d like to admit to realize the truth—why Jasper’s presence made something in your chest tighten, why the thought of him looking at anyone else with that quiet, devastating charm made your stomach twist.

Why being near him felt like gravity had finally stopped fighting you.

You were mates.

The realization hit you like a lightning strike, searing through every nerve, setting your entire world ablaze.

Jasper must have seen it in your face—how the pieces suddenly clicked together—because something flickered in his eyes.

“Ah,” he murmured, voice softer now, edged with something more vulnerable. “So you finally figured it out.”

Your breath hitched. “You knew?”

His lips curved into something painfully fond. “Course I knew, sugar.”

His fingers ghosted along the inside of your wrist, right where your pulse thundered. It was such a simple touch, but it might as well have been an earthquake, shaking everything you thought you knew.

“Jasper,” you whispered, barely able to get the words out.

He smiled, but it wasn’t the teasing, flirtatious smirk he usually wore. It was something else—something deeper, warmer.

“I’ve been waitin’ for you,” he admitted. “Didn’t wanna push you before you were ready to see it. But I’ve known from the second I laid eyes on you.”

Something swelled in your chest, too big, too much.

You swallowed hard. “And now?”

His hand slid up, fingers threading gently through yours, fitting so perfectly it almost hurt.

“Now,” he said, voice dipping into that low, devastating drawl, “I finally get to kiss my girl.”

And then he did.

His lips found yours in a kiss that was slow and deep, stealing the air from your lungs, grounding you and setting you free all at once.

It was the kind of kiss that felt like forever.

Because with Jasper?

Forever had already begun.

[itsnesss]

Howdy! I saw requests are open and was wondering if you could do JJ maybank x gf!reader? And if you don’t want to or don’t have time, by all means, absolutely no hard feelings and I completely understand!

I was thinking along the lines of gf!reader being a pogue but instead of joining in on all the treasure hunts, she holds down the fort back home and always welcomes JJ back with welcoming and loving arms. Until poguelandia happened and she was worried sick that entire time without word from JJ, so whenever they come back and get settled again she decides she’s fed up with all the treasure hunting and him being gone and being in danger. So whenever the blue crown comes along, she gives him an ultimatum of her or treasure hunting, and he, thinking she’s bluffing, chooses to go with the other pogues. Comes back (bc I refuse to believe he just d!es in szn4) to find that she blocked his number and moved all his things he had kept at her house out and back at the poguelandia 2.0?

(Sorry I know that’s a whole lot and I’m not sure if it even makes sense. Again, feel free to ignore if you’d like! I just love your works!)

𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 | jj maybank × fem!reader

summary | after poguelandia, you reach your breaking point, tired of waiting and worrying while jj chases danger. you give him an ultimatum—you or treasure hunting. thinking you’re bluffing, he chooses adventure. when he returns, he finds you’ve blocked him and erased every trace of him from your life

warnings | angst, heartbreak, emotional turmoil, themes of abandonment, breakup, and implied moving on. no physical violence, but heavy emotional tension

word count | 1.05 k

author's note | it would help me a lot if you liked, commented and reposted so that more people read what I write and don't forget to follow me, thanks ᡣ𐭩

The silence in the house was deafening.

You had spent the past few months consumed by uncertainty, fear eating away at your bones every time you closed your eyes. During all that time, your phone had become an extension of your hand, waiting for a call, a message, any sign of life. But nothing. Poguelandia had taken JJ away, and all you could do was cling to the hope that he would come back.

And in the end, he did.

The moment you saw him again after all that time, relief hit your chest with an intensity that nearly made you cry. You ran to him without thinking, feeling your heart pound so hard it hurt. His arms wrapped around you like always, his scent of salt and sun seeping into every fiber of your being. In that moment, nothing else mattered. Only that he was alive.

"You’re here," you whispered against his chest, closing your eyes and gripping his shirt as if you were afraid he would disappear again.

"Of course, baby. I always come back to you."

You wanted to believe him.

But the euphoria of the reunion didn’t last long.

The first few days felt like nothing had changed. He was back, lying in your bed as if it was still his safe place, telling you with excitement about everything that had happened—the craziness they went through, how close they were to dying, and how incredible it was. You listened in silence, feeling every word stab into your chest like a knife.

You loved him, but every story only reinforced the fear you had felt in his absence. The agony of not knowing if he was still alive, if he would come back, or if that would be the last time you ever saw him.

You tried talking to him, tried to make him understand what you had been through. But every time you mentioned how worried you had been, he would just smile, kiss your forehead, and tell you everything was fine. That he was fine.

As if that made it easier.

As if it wouldn’t happen again.

And then, the Blue Crown came along.

Another adventure, another danger, another reason to leave.

And in that moment, you knew you couldn’t take it anymore.

"JJ, we need to talk."

Your voice was firm, even though your legs were shaking inside.

He was in your room, lying on your bed with his arms behind his head, relaxed as if the world wasn’t about to fall apart.

"About what, baby?" he replied distractedly.

You took a deep breath, feeling your heart pound in your chest.

"About this. About us."

That got his attention. He sat up, resting his elbows on his knees, frowning slightly.

"What’s wrong?"

You crossed your arms, trying to hold onto your determination.

"I can’t keep living like this, JJ. I can’t keep waiting for you, worrying every time you leave, not knowing if you’ll come back."

He sighed and stood up, walking towards you with a frown.

"Come on, you know I always come back."

"Always?" You let out a bitter laugh, stepping back before he could touch you. Because you knew that if he did, you would break.

JJ ran a hand through his blonde hair, frustrated.

"What are you trying to say?"

You looked him in the eyes, feeling the air grow heavy.

"Choose."

His expression tensed.

"Choose what?"

You took a breath, trying to ignore the way your heart was shattering in your chest.

"Me or the treasure."

The silence between you was like a punch to the stomach. JJ blinked, as if your words didn’t make sense. Then, a dry laugh escaped his lips.

"You’re not serious."

"I’m more serious than I’ve ever been in my life."

You watched him shake his head, sighing as he looked at you like he couldn’t believe what you were saying.

"You can’t ask me that."

"Yes, I can. And I did."

The room felt smaller, colder. JJ ran a hand over his jaw, searching for the right words, but in the end, he did what he always did—he chose the adrenaline, the adventure, the impossible dream.

"Sorry, but I can’t leave the Pogues."

You nodded slowly, letting his answer sink deep into your chest like a blade.

"Okay."

There were no screams, no fights, no begging. Just a quiet goodbye wrapped in those two words.

And just like he had chosen his path, you chose yours.

The next few days were a blur of emotions. You didn’t cry. Or at least, not in front of anyone. You kept yourself together as you packed up his things—every piece of clothing, every object he had ever left in your house, every trace of him that still lingered in your space.

You didn’t call him. You didn’t answer his messages. You didn’t want to know what he was doing or who he was with.

The wound was there, burning with every heartbeat, but you refused to open it further.

When JJ showed up days later, his bike came to a stop in front of your house like nothing had changed. Like he was still welcome.

He knocked on the door. You didn’t open it.

He knocked again, louder this time.

"Come on! I know you’re in there."

You didn’t respond.

You picked up your phone, blocked his number, and walked away from the window, ignoring the weight of his presence on the other side of the door.

When JJ circled around the house, looking for a way in through the window—like he always did when you tried to ignore him—what he found instead was his clothes, his things, everything he had ever left behind… waiting for him outside, packed up, as if he had never been a part of your life.

"What is this?" His voice broke slightly.

But you didn’t come out to answer him. You didn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you hesitate, of seeing you hurt.

Because this time, there was no going back.

You heard him curse, kicking the ground in frustration. Then, the roar of his bike faded into the distance.

You didn’t watch him leave.

You didn’t call him back.

You just closed the door, realizing that for the first time in a long time, you weren’t waiting for him to return.

[sidemari]

Aftercare Headcanons

Characters included: Hwei, Jinx, Kayn, Viktor, Yone x GN!Reader

Author's notes: I hope you enjoy this and forgive me any mistakes! Let me know if you have any requests about this fandom.

Picture: https://br.pinterest.com/pin/8585055533861864/

Hwei

He can get clingy after sex, mainly because he feels extremely safe by your side.

He will usually make sure that everything is okay with you, if you felt respected and satisfied with the way he made you feel and especially if you are in need of something specific.

After sex, he will always treat you as if you were the most fragile and most lovable person in the world.

Compliments and declarations of love are his strong point. Hwei will murmur words of reassurance and express what he feels for you almost as if he were reciting poetry.

"Whenever I'm alone with you… You make me feel like I'm whole again." He kissed your lips slowly before climbing back on top of you, straddling your lap, and looking at you with eyes full of love and desire. "I can't get enough of you… Let me keep loving you."

"Touch me, yeah." You guided his hand to your chest. "Make me feel like I'm alive again."

Jinx

Usually Jinx will openly proclaim how essential you are for her to feel grounded in such a chaotic and cruel world.

Regardless of how hectic, overwhelming and overstimulating your sex was, she makes sure you know that just being by your side after such an intimate moment is just as good, if not infinitely better than loving you all night.

She will reassure you as she worships your body, compliments how beautiful you are and talks about how your expressions and bodily reactions are extremely precious to her.

"Remember when we first met as kids?" Her voice was a mere whisper.

"Yeah, I do. I'll always remember that day." You pulled her for a delicate kiss yet still trying to get as much as you could of her before parting for air.

"That night… You ran into my heart so carelessly, so abruptly… And…" You encouraged her to continue by caressing her cheek with affection. "And fuck… I'm glad I was wondering those streets at dawn for I met you and now I can't imagine a future where we don't belong together."

Kayn

It's not uncommon for you to feel overstimulated after having sex with Kayn. He's a passionate lover, his touches are almost desperate, his kisses are needy and fervent and he's not at all ashamed to admit that he loves to break you whenever the mood allows.

That said, the aftercare he usually provides you is to try to meet your needs as best he can.

He always cleans you with soft towels while you regain enough energy to get up and take a shower. He'll usually bring you water or some other drink of your choice or even something for you to eat, if that's what you want.

Some of the comments about the marks he's capable of leaving on your body are made to tease you, because he knows you get embarrassed. And if there's anything as good as having you under him, completely under his control, it's seeing the way you behave when you're embarrassed.

"You're mine." He whispered against your neck before returning to suck it, finishing the last mark of the night.

"Kayn… This is going to be hard to hide."

"That's the point." He fell beside you, pulling your body against his. "Do you want me to make you a hot chocolate in a little while?"

"You're trying to distract me from the fact that you marked me in every way possible today."

"Maybe, but… A hot chocolate would be nice right now, wouldn't it?" He kissed your shoulder before chuckling softly.

Viktor

Already posted this as an alone work, but wanted to add here as well.

He's the kind of guy who cares about your well-being before, during, and after you have sex.

It's not uncommon for him to stay with your body cuddled against his while your heavy breathing and overstimulation slowly fade away.

Cuddles, words of reassurance, slow and affectionate kisses, massages wherever you may be sore and a relaxing bath together after sex are essential for him to show you how absurdly perfect and important you are to him.

One of the greatest proofs of love that Viktor can show you is to sleep next to you (always after you, due to his protective instinct) and stay by your side all night, making sure to still be with you when you wake up, even if he has countless responsibilities and unfinished projects.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

"Good morning, Vitya." His fingers stroked your hair as you wiped the sleep from your eyes.

"Thank you for yesterday. You were absolutely perfect." A certain embarrassment took over you at the compliment, making you hide your face against his neck, inhaling that welcoming scent.

"Maybe I'll have to drag you out of your lab more often." You murmured.

Yone

He cares about you a lot, that's the essence of him as your partner. You always come first and even though you insist that he deserves to let himself be vulnerable and be taken care of by you, Yone prefers to provide you with everything you need before thinking about himself.

He carefully checks to see if he left any marks on you that might be sore later, apologizing as he gently kisses the marked spots.

Usually you stay silent after sex, just enjoying each other's company and warmth.

Every single time Yone caresses your hair until you relax enough to sleep and occasionally murmurs an "I love you" when he thinks you've already fallen asleep.

"I love you so much." He murmured against your hair.

"I love you so much too, Yone." You whispered back, snuggling even closer against his chest.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I want to enjoy this moment with you a little longer. It's been so long since…" Your voice voice went quiet.

"Yes, I know." His hand rested on your thigh, caressing it. "But I'm here now and I'll never leave your side again."

Other works of mine:

https://www.tumblr.com/sidemari/770889163155357696/love-hurts?source=share (Viktor x Fem!Reader)

https://www.tumblr.com/sidemari/770262867164512256/reunited?source=share (Viktor x Fem!Reader)

https://www.tumblr.com/sidemari/770344104203862016/hii-ur-smut-is-scrumptious-can-you-do-size?source=share (Jinx x Fem!Reader)

Songs I've been inspired by to write this work:

The Cure - Lovesong

Pearl Jam - Black

Dream, Ivory - Welcome and goodbye

The Neighborhood - A little death