#always makes me feel like i should arrange for a witness just to confirm that i'm not making this up

[lakeglitter]

my mother loves to ask me a question on the phone, make an aside to her boyfriend, immediately change the subject before i get to answer the original question, then get offended that i never tell her anything about myself. like????

[btskitten7]

Chapter v; a deadly favor (part two)

Ship: Min Yoongi x fem reader

AU/Genre: Mafia AU

Rating: M

Wc: 7.2 (all parts together)

Chapter warnings: spicy scene in this one! (oral f. Receiving. Fingering. Implied love making) Yoongi getting drunk (and very sad) stalking mentioned. Selling drugs.

Chapter summary: this is where Yoongi’s mask starts to slip and he’s having difficulty keeping it straight. He knows his lies are going to catch up to him and it’s getting to him. Namjoon betrays Yoongi without knowing the extent of his betrayal. Yoongi’s dad is an ass here :/ Hoseok is closing in on you. This is where things are going downhill.

taggs: @shadowjellyfishfest @princess-sunshyn @scuzmunkie @baechugff @maunosorioh @shelyamc

It was your comfort spot. Most nights he would find you there. On other nights you both would sleep there if the weather permitted.  No doubt you'd be there tonight too.

It was a beautiful night. The stars were bright and the weather was a little chilly but tolerable. You could see the lights of Seoul from a distance. You got to witness the sunset, something you try to do every night you have the time. The beautiful arrangement of orange, red, pink, and a bit of purple almost made you forget about the fight earlier. It was calming.

A pair of arms wrapped around your waist, instantly warming you up. You didn't have to look to know who it was. His scent alone told on himself. Yoongi placed his head in the crook of your neck, soaking up your scent. You relaxed to his touch, you couldn't help yourself.

After a few moments, you pushed your body off of Yoongis and turned, facing him, remembering the whole reason why you are upset. You folded your arms and looked at Yoongi. Yoongi's heart dropped to the floor when he saw your reaction. He knew he deserved it.

'This must be what You felt when I did the same to you' he thought to himself.

Ignoring the beautiful scene around him, Yoongi couldn't keep his eyes from locking on yours. He saw the confusion, worry, and sadness in your eyes. He knew that this time he'd be able to fix it... but he also knew that there would be a time that he might not be able to fix it. He won't always have the right words to keep you here. And that scares him. Looking at your expressions now made him think of the future and you finding out everything.

Moving closer to you and taking your hands, taking a deep breath

" I'm sorry..." he started " I had a long day today and seeing that...the thought of.." he stops himself and sighs defeatedly. "It just...made me lose my cool. I didn't mean to react that way, normally I don't..this time was different. I don't like the thought of someone else charming you. Especially to that degree. Especially when you love roses and flowers in general. It just drove me crazy and seeing how happy you were about them...it just," Yoongi paused for a second before continuing "it just made me jealous. More than normal."

You could see the sincere look in his eyes. It just confirmed what you thought of before.

"I understand but it hurts my feelings a lot when you pull away like that. Not once but twice. You've never acted like that before. It kind of scared me and you looked unrecognizable to me." You said to him looking into his eyes.

Yoongi felt even worse than he did before. Hearing that come from your lips felt like someone kicked him dead in his chest. It was something he never wanted to do to you. All he could do was look down from your gaze. He couldn't believe he allowed Hoseok to make him react like that..not only that but to you of all people.

"Blossom I...I'm so sorry. There's no excuse for that" he said once again. "I should have never reacted that way. I would never hurt you and I never meant to scare you."

You knew Yoongi was apologetic, he meant his words wholeheartedly. Also, you knew Yoongi would never hurt you. Of course, you accept his apology, but it's still going to remain in the back of your mind. It was hard for it not to be.

"You are forgiven, baby. I can't stay mad at you for long even if I wanted to. I know you wouldn't hurt me. It was just different to see you like that.  But I'm sorry too."

Yoongi frowned and tilted his head. There was nothing that you needed to apologize for in his mind so he was curious as to what you had to apologize for.

"What are you apologizing for?" he asked,

"For assuming you got me the roses. I should have confirmed who they were from before accepting them. If I would have known they were from another man, let alone anyone else? I would have left them there or donated them to the hospital. Patients love things like that. Nevertheless, I'm sorry too."  you explained.

Yoongi chuckled and pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your waist and making small circles against your skin with his fingertips.

"Baby..." he started " you didn't do a thing. It was all me. I shouldn't have acted that way"

His eyes softened which made you melt.

This was the Yoongi you were used to. Not that person you saw earlier. You placed your hand on Yoongi's cheek, cupping it softly. No extra words were spoken, it didn't need to be. The atmosphere said everything that needed to be said between you two.

No longer able to hold himself back, Yoongi leaned down and kissed your lips softly. Not wanting anything more and not giving you anything less. It was like the argument was erased from your memories as you shared the sweet kiss.

Wanting to savor this moment, Yoongi picked you up as he moved towards the chair. As he sat down, he sat you directly onto his lap, not breaking the kiss. Not even for a second.

Slowly the kiss became something more passionate and sweet. His lips were parted, allowing you to slip your tongue inside. Warm and soft, are the words you'd describe Yoongi's lips. You could kiss them for hours and not get tired of them.

Your bodies pressed together heatedly as your tongues both fought for dominance. You could feel both of your heartbeats pick up as the kiss grew more intense between you two.

Warmth bloomed in Yoongi's chest as the sparks began to ignite as the kiss continued to the room. Your legs were wrapped around his waist until he laid you on the bed, closing the space in between you, still not allowing the kiss to break. The intensity of the kiss, his weight on your body, and the smell of his cologne made you see double. Butterflies danced in your stomach, you were over the moon over Yoongi. And he was with you.

Yoongi pulled back and stared into your eyes, creasing your cheek softly. "I love you blossom. I don't ever want to lose you..." Your stomach did backflips. It took so long for Yoongi to tell you he loved you so each time you hear him say it, you melt. "I love you too, Yoongi"

Yoongi smiled as he leaned down and kissed your lips. You returned the kiss, meeting his tongue in the middle. Yoongi knew that he had an early morning tomorrow but he did not care. He needed this. He needed you. You broke apart and Yoongi began to kiss your neck sweetly.

"I'm going to show you how much I love you, yn"

Just that alone was enough to drive you mad. His kisses were loving and sweet. Yoongi started to nibble on your earlobe as he slid his hands down your body, gripping your breast and rubbing them. A soft moan left your lips as he continued to grip your breast and kiss your neck.

He gripped the bottom of your shirt and lifted it over your head, pleased to see that you had nothing underneath. From your neck, he began to kiss your collarbone which led him to your breast. Yoongi flicked his tongue across your nipple making you gasp softly. He licked and sucked your nipple as you squirm underneath him. After a few moments, he switched to your other one and repeated the same process. Your moans only grew louder from here as he licked down your stomach. He left plenty of soft kisses against your skin which gave you butterflies.

Yoongi spreads your legs apart and runs his tongue along your lips. Your hands subconsciously found their way to his locks which caused you to pull him closer. He then kissed your thighs slowly moving upwards towards your entrance. You moaned loudly as he teased you with his tongue alone. Your hips begin to move up and down as he continues to lick you.

"S-stop teasing" you demand breathlessly which earns you a slap to the thigh followed by Yoongi's deep chuckles.

"I think I'll take my time" Yoongi smirked looking up at you.

You let out a small cry when he took your clit into his mouth and began to suck on it with his eyes amused by your response to him. You could feel yourself getting close to orgasm already. You knew you would explode if he didn't stop and he knew that too, but that didn't stop him.

It encouraged him.

Yoongi kept sucking on your clit while penetrating you with his two fingers. You moaned loudly as your body tensed up and your orgasm washed over you. You came so hard that you almost passed out.

Good thing you didn't because that would have made Yoongi stop what he was doing. You didn't want that.

When your orgasm subsided, Yoongi climbed on top of you and smiled at your dazed look. "You okay blossom?" He asks jokingly with a slight hint of worry. You look at him with a lazy smile on your face nodding. "Why wouldn't I be? You do this to me every time" You wrap your arms around him and pull him in for a deep kiss.

Yoongi chuckled against your lips before kissing you again. The kiss lasted for a minute before he broke away and said lovingly, "I want to make love to you, baby." You nod in agreement with a loving smile as you hold his face close to yours. Yoongi couldn't help the butterflies he felt when he was with you.

It's like his tough and cold persona was nonexistent when you were with him. He was worried that he wouldn't be able to properly express himself and sometimes it's still difficult for him. But you made it so easy for him to fall in love.

He had to protect this no matter what.

~~~~~~~~

For the next few weeks, things were pretty quiet and normal. Yoongi and his father were off on another trip. Surprisingly, they left Seokjin behind. That never happens but you didn't mind the company while Yoongi was away. Things at work were the same but your shifts ran smoothly and calmly. Which is unheard of in the nursing career but you weren't complaining. You hadn't seen that guy again, not that you wanted to. You just hoped that his friend was staying out of trouble and trying not to get shot again. When your co-workers told you that someone came looking for you, you could only assume it was him. The way Yoongi reacted...it's probably best that he never comes around again.

After an hour or so of passing meds, you finally had a chance to sit at your desk and chart everything that you couldn't before. You only had an hour left in your shift, so you went ahead and got everything ready for the shift. As you were charting, you realized that your picture  was missing from your area.

"Hey, Jackie?" You asked, "Have you seen my picture that I had up here?"

Your coworker hummed as she thought about it for a moment. She shook her head and looked at you with sad eyes. "Sorry love, I didn't know you had a picture there if I'm being truthful. I don't  realize small things like that."

You smiled softly "It's okay"

Sighing as you sat back in your seat you kept looking around your workspace.

"I thought I had a picture here of Yoongi and me?" you asked yourself under your breath. You pouted and texted Yoongi.

(Blossom 🤍): Baby...I think I lost my picture at work. I must have misplaced it when I packed up to go home but now I'm sad.

(Yoon 🖤): don't worry, we'll look for it once I get back. It's probably laying in plain sight and you've overlooked it.

(Blossom 🤍): okay 😔 can we take another one just in case I've lost it?

(Yoon 🖤): Blossom 😂 we take pictures all the time. You do not have to ask me to take more.

(Blossom 🤍): you didn't like to before mister!

(Yoon 🖤): I was younger and we weren't together. Why would I need to take pictures?

(Blossom 🤍): it was only five years ago 😒 and you should always take pictures! You look so handsome 🥺

(Yoon 🖤): so I was still younger then. I'll only take pictures for you.

(Blossom 🤍): you better! My shift is almost over! I'll text you before bed!

Not pondering on it for too long after your conversation with Yoongi, you got a new admission that needed your attention.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi, Namjoon, and his father are in Japan talking to some of his father's old "friends".  They want to discuss business with his father. The drug trade.

For months now, Yoongi has been fighting with his father about the whole drug trade. Min has been hounding Yoongi about it ever since Namjoon's father convinced him to do so. With Namjoon's father being the current underboss with his father, of course, his father would go along with the one he trusts the most. And he would do anything for wealth. Min probably trusted Namjoon's father more than he trusted Yoongi, his son. But now, his father believes that having a part in the trade will bring more money to the family. Yoongi couldn't argue with that in fact, he agreed. He saw just how much people could potentially make from the trade alone and had no ties to the mafia but he didn't think it was worth the risk.

Casinos, construction, building complexes, and businesses are less risky. Of course, one could wonder how you obtain all that you have but they wouldn't suspect you as fast as they would with drugs. Getting into something like that is like inviting the police right into your home. Yoongi wants his time as boss to be as smooth as possible. He remembered how his mother always had to clean up the messes his father made and the years they spent apart since he went to prison often, he didn't want you to have to do the same. He couldn't let you do the same.

But once his father sets his mind on something, he sticks to it. He shouldn't be surprised, he's the same way. He and his father bumped heads over you plenty of times and Yoongi never let up.

As much as Yoongi tries to separate himself from his father, he still carries his father's traits. There was no denying that.

Namjoon thought the same as Yoongi...but once he talked to Yoongi's father and his father, it all made sense. Namjoon has a great relationship with his father and always trusted what he told him. Min has always been a second father figure for him as well. They told him to convince Yoongi before the trip but he hasn't had the chance to talk to him alone. Since they were going to be gone for two weeks, Yoongi spent every waking moment with you. Even on the trip, he's been talking to you all day and all night. The dinner is tonight, so he has to convince him right now, but of course, he's talking to you.

"It's 11 at night, why are you just now having dinner?" Namjoon heard you ask Yoongi. Yoongi chuckled.

"Because my father wants to have dinner with one of his friends he hasn't seen in a long time and they aren't done with whatever they are doing until that late. Don't worry though, Joon and I had a filling lunch today." Yoongi said while aimlessly picking at the bottom of his shirt. He smiled at your sweet giggle on the other end. "I hope it was good!"

Namjoon hated to interrupt. He knows how much Yoongi wants to talk to you, especially after the blow-up a few weeks ago but he only had less than an hour before they had to leave. It was now or never.

Namjoon walked over to Yoongi and cleared his throat.

"I need to talk to you about something."

Yoongi looked up at Namjoon with a slight frown.

"Can't it wait until I'm done?"

"No. We need to talk about it before dinner. It's important."

"Baby don't worry about it! You can call me when you're done with everything. I don't mind waiting for you. I'm off tomorrow" you said reassuring him. An annoyed sigh left his mouth. Namjoon became a bit worried since it isn't the best time to talk to him when he was irritated. Especially if one interrupts his time with you.

"No, it's okay blossom. I'll call you in the morning. Get some rest. I should be home tomorrow night or early the next morning.  Goodnight, I love you"

"I love you too, baby! Hurry back to me. I miss you! And don't work too hard! Have some fun every once in a while!" You said which made Yoongi snort.

"I only have fun when I'm with you." Yoongi smiled. Namjoon knew that if he allowed this to continue, he'd be waiting for another 30 minutes before he could say anything.

"Yoongi" Namjoon said sternly, which caused Yoongi's smile to fade. Yoongi rolled his eyes before saying another set of goodbyes and I love you's.

After getting off the phone, Yoongi's dark eyes looked into Namjoon's.

"What could you possibly want that couldn't wait until I was done with my conversation"

" Since we don't have much time, I'm going to just say it, I think we should get into the drug trade. BEFORE you say anything just hear me out. We have enough businesses to cover our tracks. No one would expect it. It's not like we are the ones sitting on the streets selling it. That's what we have our soldiers for. They sell and the family profits. This would be good for you to come in as boss with a new way to make money. You'll be able to bring in more than your father did when taking the family from your grandfather"

Yoongi shook his head with a condescending scoff. He knew exactly where Namjoon got this idea. He was just agreeing with him a few months back.

"Did my father talk to you regarding this? Because I believe I've already made up my mind. No drugs. It's not worth the risk I thought I told you that. And tell me you can see Jungkook selling drugs? I certainly cannot, unless they're all women. Then he'll be our top seller." Yoongi scoffed with a chuckle. Namjoon sighed before continuing.

"Our fathers and I talked about it a few nights before we left for the trip. At first, I agreed with you, and I still do but when they explained it, I understood better. I think we can do this. With everything we have? No one would expect a thing-"

"You keep saying that as if I told Y/n about anything. Regardless of what we have or what can cover what, do you think I want to push drugs in my home? Where would it all go? Do you want me to go purchase a warehouse and fill it up? How would I explain that? It's already hard enough to keep things between us as it is. I'm not denying that it could bring profit up, there's no question about it. But I'm not trying to add something else I have to hide from her. You don't fucking know how hard it is to keep lying to her." Yoongi jumped up, completely taking Namjoon by surprise. Namjoon felt horrible listening to Yoongi talk about you. He didn't like lying to you either. But this isn't about you, they both had a family and reputation to uphold. He wasn't going to back down like he knew Yoongi wasn't

"Listen, I know what my father wants for the family. He only wants the best and so do I. But in a few months, he's not going to have much say-so. I want my time as boss to be smooth sailing and if, IF, I decide to have kids with Y/n, I want it to be just as smooth for my kid to run or not to run if he so chooses. You're my underboss, you're supposed to be on the same page regardless of what your opinion is. I don't give a fuck what my father or a matter of fact what your father wants. If I have to find another underboss, let me know right now you can go work for my father if that's what you fucking want"

Yoongi was two inches from Namjoon's face. His eyes were dark and serious. Namjoon knew there was nothing else he could say. He threatened his position and knew he wouldn't be let off easily. He shouldn't have had so much confidence in convincing Yoongi...

~~~~~~~~

"You wanted to see me?" Namjoon asked, walking into the conference room. He was a little nervous when Yoongi's father called him but a part of his nerves subsided when he saw his father.

"Yes, son. Don't be so nervous, please have a seat." His father said pointing to the black couch that faced another black couch that the two men were sitting on.

"I'm just wondering why I wasn't to inform Yoongi about me coming here," Namjoon said, finally taking his seat. "I just hope everything is okay"

Yoongi's dad sat his wine down on the white coffee table in front of him with a big smile.

"Things are amazing but they are going to become better. We have some new things that we're going to be adding to our... assets."

Namjoon smiled softly and nodded. "That's great, what's going to happen?"

"Since Yoongi added the real estate and the new property, it's a success. I'm quite proud of you two. How did you guys come up with that?" Yoongi's dad asked. Namjoon thought it was a little weird for him to ask so off topic but he wasn't going to tell him that.

"Yoongi thought it was a good idea for us to get into and he told Seokjin and me to look more into it" He lied.

His father chuckled. Yoongi's father shared the same chuckle as they knew something. That made Namjoon nervous all over again.

"I think I'm going to ask again," Yoongi's father started, "How did Yoongi come up with that idea?"

"My son is smart, a genius even. But real estate just seems...out of his element"

Namjoon paused for a second. Yoongi made him swear not to discuss anything concerning Y/n with his father. As his father knows, Yoongi finally told Y/n everything and she understands it all which he knows is a lie. When Min finally told his wife about his "work" she threatened to divorce him on the spot.

So you being so understanding is unrealistic to Min. He had to admit, Yoongi could lie to anyone but he could never lie to him. He always knew when his son was lying, which wasn't often. Only when Yoongi started to see you is when he started lying to everyone around him.

"Well, Yoongi had to come up with something. She asked him about his work and why he was gone all the time. He just said we were into real estate and we looked at a lot of property. It made the most sense" Namjoon admitted.

He knew he just committed the worst act against Yoongi. Especially, in a life like this. You have very few that you can trust. Yoongi always made it clear that he only trusted three people. Seokjin, Namjoon and Y/n. As much as he loved his mother, he didn't trust her. She'll say and do anything to keep her "perfect" family. He knew she wouldn't do a thing to hurt him but he knew she had to be loyal to his father. So, if it came between him or his father? It'll always be his father.

"You're smart Namjoon. We are deciding to get into the drug trade and while I'm still in charge, it's already a go. We just need to make sure Yoongi keeps it going once I step down and we need you to look into everyone that's already in the trade and pay them a little visit after we get things settled." Min said.

"It'll benefit the family." his father added.

" I can look into it but I don't think I'll be able to do anything more. Yoongi does not want to get into the drug trade. He told us that months ago and he still stands on that today." Namjoon admitted.

"And that's why we've called you here son. You need to convince him, this can bring in revenue without having to put much out. You are his underboss. If anything, he should trust your judgment." his father told him.

"If he's going to listen to anyone, it'd be you, Y/n, or Seokjin. Y/n still doesn't know what my son does and Seokjin never goes against Yoongi no matter if I'm still boss or not but you? You listen. You're a good kid. You would never tell Yoongi anything wrong, he trusts you. You can convince him." Min said standing.

"Unless...I have to have a little talk with yn. I bet that'll get Yoongi on board real quick" Min said with the same dark glare Yoongi had. Namjoon cursed himself and shook his head 'No'

If that happened, Yoongi would go crazy. Especially if you left him because of that. He'd probably kill everyone except for Seokjin and him.

"No, don't. I'll see what I can do"

~~~~~

"You know I don't want that. You also know I'd never tell you to do something if the risk was great. I'd never do anything that would jeopardize you. Even though I shouldn't be, I consider your feelings for yn and how you don't want to lose her.  Let's just try it out for a month and if it doesn't work or you still don't like it, we'll stop. I know you really don't want to do this but your father is still your boss as well until December. Just hold out a little longer. We're almost there" Namjoon said calmly.

Yoongi rolled his eyes and sighed sharply.

"If this goes to shit, you will be held responsible. No questions asked." Yoongi said before turning from his underboss. "Also.."

Yoongi turned back towards Namjoon.

"If I find out that you speak to my father without speaking to me again. I'll see it to where you can't go anywhere in this world."

Yoongi said coldly which sent chills down Namjoon's spine.

Yoongi didn't want to hurt his best friend but he also felt his best friend wasn't understanding the seriousness of talking about you or anything to his father. Yoongi walks off, retreating to his side of the shared room to get ready for this dinner. Namjoon finally felt like he could breathe, the hardest part was over. At least he thought so.

[twilightmalachite]

Raison d’être - A Premature Burial 11

Author: Akira

Characters: Shu, Mika

Translator: Mika Enstars

"I’d do things such as put on girl’s clothes and try to play forbidden games, dictated by my own interests and whims… Much to my family’s annoyance."

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: The Itsuki's House Cellar

Raffaello: “Regrettably, my mother’s diary was buried along with her at her funeral in her coffin.”

”While it’s not as if we cannot dig it out—that is indeed too disrespectful towards the dead.”

Mika: Ah, so yer Mother’s passed away, Raffaello-san?

Raffaello: “Do you feel sorry for me? Even though she is the affiliated party in Shu-kun’s grandfather’s affair…”

“But at least, you could say she died without any regrets.”

“She had passed away due to old age. While death is always a tragedy, it is not something to be mourned too much.”

Mika: Ahh, talkin’ about an affair had me imaginin’ a young lady this entire time, but she was a grandma, huh? On second thought, that was a given.

But if she’s already passed away, there’s no reason to point fingers at her—

Shu: It has not yet been confirmed that Grandfather had an affair. Stop talking on the assumption that “that” is true, it’s disrespectful.

Raffaello: “Fufu. Anyways, while it is a only guess as we do not dig up my mother’s grave, I would assume there my mother’s diary contained nearly the same content.”

“By reading the text, you can see what had transpired in the past.”

Shu: What would be the point of doing that? Even if it is a relative of mine, I do not wish to do something as shameless as read someone else’s diary.

Raffaello: “Are you afraid, Shu-kun? Of the “truth” behind the grandfather you admire so much.”

Shu: … …

Raffaello: “I believe this story will be of benefit to you guys as well.”

“I had overheard your conversation—In order to mourn the deceased, you must know about the tastes and upbringing of the deceased.”

“Wouldn’t this diary, hidden and sealed from the eyes of your family, be an indispensable item essential for delving into the true image of this deceased?”

Mika: If we are to win the Funeral Contest, it’s important t’know about Grandfather’s past—is what yer sayin’?

But, like Oshi-san said… Readin’ someone else’s diary is a shameless thing t’do.

If Oshi-san finds it distasteful, then we’ll just act as if we’ve never seen this diary—

Shu: No, I’ll read it.

Mika: Nnah?

Shu: I am most certainly intrigued. And I’m not as modest as you might expect me to be.

No, otherwise, I wouldn’t have chosen a line of work that includes acting like a clown in front of others.

That, and, ever since I was a child, I’ve had a strong intellectual curiosity, too. So greedy, I’d astonish even my own family.

I’d do things such as put on girl’s clothes and try to play forbidden games, dictated by my own interests and whims… Much to my family’s annoyance.

The only person who understood me was Grandfather.

Of course, while that stubborn old man would be scolding me with his mouth…

He gave me this cellar, and made any arrangements for anything that I had wanted to do.

So, while his mouth was scolding me to become a man worthy of being the heir to the Itsuki family, he himself was collecting and hoarding strange things he did not understand.

Which one of those was my true grandfather? What is the “truth” behind this old man, irritable with a temper and an irregular personality from age?

I am very intrigued. And as Mr. Raffaello said…I believe it is necessary to do if we are to complete the job we have at hand.

Therefore, I shall touch “it”. Even if it dirties my fingertips with mud.

Mika: Nnah~… If that’s what ya want, Oshi-san, then I’ll go with ya.

But, aside from The Taming of the Shrew, what should we do with the sealed diary here?

We’ll have t’use pliers or somethin’ to force open the lock if we’re gonna see what’s inside, won’t we?

Shu: That also makes me feel like I’ve lost, so I’d rather not.

This is a game of wits set up by my grandfather—I believe only those who have successfully, correctly unlocked it are qualified to read it.

I would like to try and decipher it. Hm, shall I try forming words using the alphabet…? P, E, T, R, U, C, H, I, O…

Mika: …? Where did ya get that word from?

Shu: It is the name of the protagonist from The Taming of the Shrew, the Shakespearean one. Hm… It doesn’t seem to be right, perhaps the female protagonist’s name?

K, A, T, H, E, R, I, N, A… No, the number of characters doesn’t line up.

Oh, that was a strange sound. It sounded like a tangle in the lock was triggered, but…

Shu: Hm! Look at this, Kagehira, a strange piece of metal has come out!

Mika: (Ahaha… Oshi-san sure looks cute, like a child playin’ investedly with a toy he got.)

(Maybe that’s why Grandfather left his diary here, to let his cute grandchild have fun with it. Nah, I’m prob thinkin’ too much into it.

Shu: Non! What are you grinning over? Help think with me!

Look. The piece of metal has something like a hint inscribed on it.

—[To My Beloved Lady]?

Mika: This is…

Shu: … …

Raffaello: “Fufu. What will you do, Shu-kun?”

“Your grandfather’s “Beloved Lady” should have been his wife—In other words, your grandmother.”

“What will you do if you put in her name and the lock did not open?”

Mika: …Shut up fer a moment. Oshi-san’s doin’ his best thinkin’ right now.

Raffaello: “My apologies. In the case your grandmother’s name does not unlock the, you may use my mother’s name first—”

Shu: —I was able to unlock it.

Mika: Ehh!?

T-thank goodness… So ya were able to unlock it with yer grandmother’s name, Oshi-san? Right, there’s no way Grandfather would be unfaithful—

Shu: No. I simply remembered what Grandfather used to say.

He would say he loved and respected all women equally.

In other words, the “Lady” in [To My Beloved Lady] technically refers to “all ladies”.

However, “WOMAN” and “GIRL” do not contain enough letters for the dial lock. So instead, I proposed this—

“MADEMOISELLE”.

Mika: Mademoise… Wha, Mado-nee?

Shu: Fufu, I didn’t expect to have her name come up here. Don’t you feel like it is fate of sorts, Kagehira?

I know it is imprudent of me, but I am getting a little excited.

Raffaello: “… …”

[ ☆ ]

← prev | story directory | next →

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hello India,

I am a frequent reader of your blog and I have found interesting your answers to some recent asks about Harry and his relationship with the industry. I think we share the same perspective, to start with that he is not a victim and that he is a mature worker with more experience in his professional field than most of us had when we were his age.

There is an area that always confuses me from this angle and I would like to know your opinion if you wish to share it: When it comes to the stunts, how do we perceive Harry. During all these years we have witnessed he wasn't "happy" with none of them; of course, there are different "levels", I can tell how the actual is giving us the most upsetting looks in him. Also, is not the same as being an 18-year-old pushed into it as being a young adult that has evaluated his options and for many different reasons (and implications that I am not going to list but we all can consider) is now involved in one.

I try to make sense of it, stunt-couples are commonly seen for promo and other reasons too, we can recognize many "public" ones out there now and they don't concern me in a sense of "they are having a hard time" while at it. I have read how fans openly say how they "would be upset if Holivia showed a friendly bond" or how they celebrate perceiving this distance because, in the end, it is another confirmation of how fake this is. I don't know how to feel about this, I am here looking at his body language despite the situation they are in, and I only get these horrible vibes.

All these public appearances are brief. On one hand, I think he can anticipate them, get ready, they are planned, he is an actor, he knows, he is aware of it; and on the other hand, why does he have to even pretend? maybe he really doesn't want to fake it, maybe this is his way of showing his discomfort towards it or the industry, or as those fans said, to let us know this is not his thing. Bottom line, should I be worried? what is your take on it?

Thank you and sorry for the long ask

Hi, darling!

Wow, okay, lots of interesting conversations in my inbox today. Let me preface this by saying that I’m not (and never have been) in the habit of telling people how to feel. The fandom, and larries, are not a monolith (I think Twitter has proved that extensively) and I think we have to be very aware that there is no right/wrong way to perceive or emotionally react to the narratives we’re being fed. We’re human, we’re going to feel things — unique, rational, irrational things. We can’t help it. We hold onto thoughts that comfort us, and are triggered by thoughts that make us sad or uncomfortable. What’s important is that, whether happy or sad, we each self-soothe in a way that doesn’t hurt ourselves or others, and when it gets to the point where it might, we know when to walk away.

So, in line with that, I’m not here to tell you how you should feel, but I’ll tell you how I feel about stunts, and anything that fits you can take, and anything that doesn’t you can leave behind. 🙂

Harry is 28 years old and has been in this industry for 12 years. It’s naive to think he plays no active part in arranging, negotiating, or participating in stunts — this is his life. More than anything, I would think that that was one of the big negotiating points of his solo contracts: that he would have some level of control over these things. You can see the shift in control in subtle things, like the way he very rarely confirms a stunt relationship (I can only recall the Zack Lowe interview) and how, for as much as he can help it, his stunts are kept off of social media which at least somehow limits the use of it as online fodder (something that can’t be said for other stars, like Camilla and Shawn).

But like I mentioned before, multiple things can be true at the same time, and one truth that I think is important to get comfortable with is that there’s a lot we’ll never know. We’ll never really know just how much leverage and negotiating power Harry has over these narratives or how his stunts are selected. We’ll never know what freedoms and priorities he deems important enough that he’s willing to exchange participation for. We’ll never really know how he feels about his closet in relation to his career. We’ll never really really really know how he feels about his stunt partners (although we can read body language and actively compare that to people we know he chooses to spend time with, we have to admit: we don’t actually know and we’re always looking at things with personal bias attached.)

Personally, I think that Harry is a good person, and that he’s kind and professional, and whatever common ground he can find with O for example, comes from the place of wanting to act appropriately and professionally (I’ve personally worked with a handful of truly awful people, and I have put on a fake smile and treated them like a person just like every adult has had to do, because while I can’t control how awful people are, I can control how I am perceived in a professional environment.)

Alongside Harry being a people pleaser (he just admitted to it yesterday) he’s also smart, and smart people (who have experience in this industry and know how much personal reputation matters) will not be petty enough to burn bridges when there is no need. That said, even the best actors are human and have their limits. I think Harry is very aware of the difference between fans who will accept what they’re told on the surface, and those that will dig deeper (see: his quote about the doors as clues), and that’s why I think he doesn’t try too hard to sell his stunts because he knows the people who believe it believe it, lackluster participation or not, and those who want to see beyond it will already know what he looks like when he’s truly happy and comfortable.

TL;DR — there’s a lot we’ll never know about how Harry feels about stunting and the extent of his “freedom” within these constraints. He acts appropriately and professionally around a person who is essentially a colleague, but as we know, Harry’s natural charm can easily be misconstrued. I think if you take a moment to really think about why you might worry, you’ll find the answer isn’t actually rooted in how he does or does not participate in the stunt but rather in the honest discomfort that you’ll never be 💯 certain of anything (and I mean literally anything), and that’s not a great feeling (nor is the constant gaslighting by the people around us easy to swallow), but that’s reality. Trust your gut. There’s a reason you looked into Larry and became a Larrie, and it wasn’t because of a visual narrative or the pics-and-quotes-or-it-didn't-happen "stone cold facts" print media was selling you. 😉

[songmingisthighs]

[4.11] mafia!wooyoung × reader

⇀ you thought he didn't care, he was sure he doesn't, he had said it so himself to you. that was, until he almost lost the chance of being able to care for you.

⇁ tw : running away, mafia life (criminal/illegal acts)

⇁ part 1 / 2 / 3

⇁ disclaimer : the author does not support any and all criminal/illegal acts. the narrative written in this story is purely fiction out of the author's imagination. the things written here does not portray real mafia life nor is the author aware of how the mafia life is like. the author is a hermit loser.

At first, Wooyoung thought you had really ran away from him. After the fight you had the previous night, how could he not ?

"All I ask is a little bit of attention! I know you could spare some for me," you exclaimed, following after Wooyoung into the home office in his mansion. Yes, his, he never once said it was yours too so you treat it as such.

Wooyoung rolled his eyes at you, "and I ask you shut that big trap you called your mouth before I shut it for you, but we can't all get what we wanted now, can we ?" He spat.

You're used to his aggressive words, it used to hurt but now the pain just comes and goes. But you're at your wit's end, he was distant when you both were first forced into engagement but he was still polite so you thought that was just the shock, but now that you're married, things got worse.

"Wooyoung," you called, leaning both of your hands on his desk aa he sit on his office chair, "it's been 8 months since we got married," he glared at you when you said that, so you sighed and change your choice of words, "since we were force into marriage... But I've been trying so hard to make this less of a chore for both of us, I don't know what else I could do! You're not even bothering to hide the fact that you hate my guts to your very core even though it wasn't my fault that we got into this! Heck, you don't even bother to acknowledge that I exist!"

Wooyoung slammed his hands down on the table, standing face to face with you, "that's right," he chuckled darkly, "I don't even bother, you know why? Because you're nothing in my life, I never ask for you, I never wanted you, you're still here because your dad's business fell through with my dad and he used you as mean of escaping because that's all you are, princess," he leaned closer to your face and spoke through gritted teeth, "a worthless burden that people toss around,"

It would've been a lie if you said that his words doesn't affect you whatsoever. Because it does.

Maybe deep down that was one of your biggest fear and having someone confirmed that made you feel sick to your stomach. You recoiled from the table, as if having been struck across your face.

Though Wooyoung had a satisfied smirk on his face, "you should know I've been planning your assasination ever since you said 'I do', I would've made it look like an accident so that my dad wouldn't be up in my ass talking about losing his insurance of control over your dad, maybe I should move the schedule up so I can get rid of you quicker,"

You stared at him for a while, not knowing that he actually hated you that much. All this time you thought it was just petty reluctance of being tied to you, but this just brought things to a whole new level.

"No..." you choked out, trying to hold back tears, "I'll take care of it myself," and with that, you ran out of his office to pack all your belongings with tears streaming down your face.

And that was the last time Wooyoung had seen you. He had heard from one of his butlers that he had seen you running around the house retrieving your things where it supposedly was earlier, you looked frantic and you hadn't even taken a second to take a break.

"And did she got out of the house today?" Wooyoung asked from his position on the couch, loosening all of the buttons on his shirt. "No, master, not that any of us know of," said butler then leaned close to Wooyoung's ears, "the cctv has been cut off, her bodyguards are dismissed, no one has tended to her nor got close to her, and I personally see to it that all windows and doors are unlocked just as you had requested,"

Wooyoung couldn't believe that he's probably a free man now, that YOU had left him so that he wouldn't be in hot water with his father.

With a glass of whiskey in his hand, he decided to look around to see whether or not you had really left while telling his maid to prepare dinner for him.

True to what he expected, he made two laps around the mansion but not once did he find you. Not even in his office with a divorce paper, as dramatic as it sound.

He finally step into his shared bedroom with you to make his final confirmation.

At first he knocked on the door, not really knowing why he did that, but when no sound came from the room he simply opened the door and walked in. He hadn't returned the night before, spending half of his night in his home office before going out with San to a bar, not realizing that it was his guilt that drove him out to drink his memory away.

Looking around the room, he couldn't really tell whether or not you had ran away. The room looked like it had been slept in the night before, he could see the spot where you laid in comparison to his side that's perfectly neat.

When he stepped into the walk-in closet, he was quite surprised at the sheer contrast to the bedroom. Your clothes thrown haphazardly, it seems like you were urgently looking for things to pack, and the more he analyze the items on the floor, the more he realized that you hadn't taken anything that was bought with his money.

But that wasn't the thing that got his attention.

It was your wedding dress that had been taken out of its garment bag, across from it, an empty bottle of wine and a box of tissues with crumpled tissues surrounding it. It looked straight out of a movie.

He walked closer to the dress and trailed a hand down it.

He remembered seeing you wear it on your wedding day. He remembered being too pissed at his father to be able to fully appreciate how ethereal you looked. He remembered how when you looked at him, he could see the redness in your eyes, indicating that you had been crying.

But over all, he remembered how his heart skipped a beat when he saw you walking closer to him. Of course, he would never admit it outwardly.

His train of thought was broken when his butler knocked on his bedroom door, "master, dinner is served," he said.

Wooyoung cleared his throat and straighten out his posture, "yes, of course, I'll be there soon," he called out.

As the footsteps of his butler fade, he carefully zip your wedding dress back into its garment bag, making sure that the dress is stored perfectly.

After that, he went to the dining room to have his dinner.

Usually, you'd be seated in your seat, across from him at the other end of the table that seats 10 people. He'd have to admit that it feels weird not seeing you smile at him after a long day of working, but he forced himself to believe that it was a good kind of weird.

Strangely, as he eat his food he felt that it doesn't match his palate, that something feels off. So he called for his head butler and asked him about it.

"Did we change cooks? Why does today's dinner taste so bland?"

His butler seemed hesitant to answer him, looking at the head maid for a bit. The middle-aged woman stepped forward from her spot, bowing slightly to avoid Wooyoung's eyes, "we did not have any change in staffs, sir, it's just that the mistress used to prepare all of your meals and considering... the circumstances, she had not prepared anything for you," she said, not even bothering to hide her bitterness that he had drove you away.

Considerably, he was shocked that you had never brought the fact up to him. But as usual, he masked his true feelings and just nod at her, continuing with his meal even though he can't seem to enjoy it.

The shock didn't stop there, though.

Over the course of the first 5 days of you leaving him, he began noticing the things that indicate your presence in his house. Or used to indicate your presence.

He never knew that you were the one who always put flowers around the mansion. He noticed this when he passed by a vase of wilting aconite. It almost broke him when he see the maids cleared all flowers, leaving an empty vase that he now associate with your absence.

He never knew that you kept tabs on food he likes and dislikes. After 3 days, he gave up on eating the food his cook made for him, firing the poor man on the spot and resorting to take outs.

He never knew that you were the one who personally arrange his wardrobe. Usually, every morning he'd find his favorite shirts or favorite sets of clothes on the front, ready for him to pick out and wear. Now that you're not here, he had to spend extra time deciding what to wear.

And lastly, he was surprised at the fact that you had never made it to your hometown.

"What do you mean she's not with her parents?" He growled at his henchmen, making them visibly scared. "W-we tried looking for her, even asking around, but no one had seen her," he explained.

All Wooyoung wanted was to hear about how you're happier without him, how you've settled back to your life without him, how he'd be assured with the fact that you leaving him was the best thing that could ever happen to you two.

Feeling that he owed this for the sake of his own closure, he ordered everyone under him to find out your whereabouts.

The desperation suffocated him, he hated the feeling.

So he ran out of his office to his garden, going to the furthest side where it is practically abandoned so that he'd be all alone to calm his mind.

What he hadn't expect to see though, was several pieces of clothes on the ground. At first he just thought that the laundry might have flown away due to the wind, but when he inspected them closer, he recognized them as yours.

"Why would these be here?" He muttered to himself as he began picking up the scattered pieces of clothes one by one. When he picked up the last piece, he noticed your suitcase by the corner of the tall wall that surround his house for protection.

The sight that made his stomach drop was a rather huge hole that could fit a person.

Wooyoung's brain put 2 and 2 together and the only reasonable conclusion made him feel like blowing up.

You had been kidnapped.

[storiesbyjes2g]

When we got home, I hesitated to go inside. Ali would arrive soon to pick up the kids, and he never hung around long enough for proper conversation, so I waited outside to catch him so we could talk about living arrangements. The kids were at their wit's end, and frankly, I too am anxious about it. I told them to go inside and not to leave the house, not even to go to the backyard. I have no idea how Ali feels about this. Just in case we're on opposing sides, I didn't want the kids to see or hear us arguing because I was prepared to fight for this if I needed to.

Ali arrived and tried to rush past me, just as I expected he would.

I called for him just as he was about to open the door. "We need to talk about...you know."

He sighed. "You wanna do that now?"

"Ali, if we don't make a decision soon, the kids are going to riot! I don't think you want to hear about this for the rest of the week, do you?"

"Yeah, ok. Sure."

We walked in silence to the end of our street and another block down the river. I chose the far side of the park for our discussion, just in case the kids got nosy and disobeyed me. They wouldn't be able to see us with all the bushes, and hopefully the extra distance muffled our voices.

"I need to say something before we get into this," he said.

"Ok."

"I want to apologize for how I acted at Harvestfest."

I knew that comment was too weighty to be a joke!

"Alessia couldn't have said it better," he continued. "It was petty. You didn't deserve that. And that's not me. I'm sorry."

I moved on quickly from that and didn't need him to apologize, but it was still nice to hear. "I accept."

He nodded, and I tried to transition to the next topic, but I couldn't. Since confirming his feelings, I needed to understand.

"Ali... If you don't mind...why did my gift upset you?"

He waved his hand dismissively. "It was nothing. Long week...we argued...it's nothing."

"Come on, Ali. I know you! And you said so yourself you're not a petty person."

He stared out at the river, determined not to answer me.

I didn't want to fight with him, but I really wanted an answer. "I want to understand! I've always had money. Why is it suddenly a problem, or have you always had feelings about it?"

He leaned forward, rubbing his forehead with his palms. "You wouldn't understand."

"So, help me!"

He sat up and let out the biggest sigh. "I'm a man, Em. I grew up in a traditional family, and my parents raised me to be the main breadwinner."

Something about that statement got his head shaking. "But when I met you, I had nothing. Literally nothing. You brought me into your life, and it was fine at first because it made sense. I figured I'd get a job and everything would be fine. But it wasn't enough. Even with a few promotions under my belt, I'd never be able to afford this house. But what could I do? Ask you to downsize to accommodate my ego? That's selfish. You didn't need me to provide for you, and that should have been a relief, but it wasn't. Men take pride in being able to provide for our families. But if we can't, what good are we?"

His words stung like poisonous bees in the jungle. How could he think such things? Money isn't everything. "Ali! You provided so much more than money, though! You loved us. I'd take that any day over someone who can buy me everything. One of my favorite memories of you is when I was pregnant with Luca, and you woke up early one morning to cook, like, 17 meals so I could focus on resting. I will never forget that! When Grim Reaper comes, and the purple haze surrounds me, those are the things that will flash across my head, not that you bought me gifts and paid our bills on time. The kids will feel that way too!"

His head shook more furiously. "They don't, Em. At least not yet. You said this isn't a competition, but it totally is."

"It's not!"

"It is! Luca didn't ask me for a tablet or request dinner at a fancy restaurant. He went to you. They go to you for everything because they know I can't do it."

And suddenly, like fog lifting, it all became so clear. He feels useless, and I sympathize with that. But the fact remains. That is his issue, not mine. "So what do you want me to do, Ali? Stop buying my children nice things?"

"I don't want you to do anything! You wanted to understand how I feel. This is how I feel."

Though it's not mine to fix or even manage, I wish there was something I could do about it that did not involve depriving my children...which I won't do.

"Maybe," he began, "...maybe just...let me know what your plans are next time. Maybe sometimes we could tag team, or something."

"Ok. I can do that... And for the record...Luca loves the skates. I know it probably wasn't your ideal gift, but he's always out here zipping around."

"Hmph. Well...that's nice to know."

To be continued...

[wonlouvre]

pairing: doctor!wonwoo x lawyer!female oc genre: modern royalty, arranged marriage, fluff and angst word count: 3.7k WARNINGS: hospital setting, mentions of surgery/operation, blood, violence

a/n: so, this is it guys. the final part of ifliys :( i would like to extend my sincere thank yous to each and everyone who have read, liked, commented and shared this series. this is the very first fanfic i was able to finish/complete because of the support, love and motivation you all gave as i wrote this. don’t worry! there is an epilogue and i will announce what i have in store for them in the near future. in the meantime, this is part ten. thank you very much!

ten: moonlight | masterlist

The Queen is talkative. That’s one of the many quirks she has that you noticed when you were growing up. It’s not the uncomfortable or annoying kind of talkative. You really don’t know how to exactly put it, but she’s talkative in an elegant and easy-going way. One time, she decided to take a walk on a particularly busy street with only one member of the security detail assigned to tail her a few meters behind. She told you the whole story, excitedly. She was casually strolling and asking typical questions like what time is it to some vendors, passersby and the like. She even held a conversation about olive oil that lasted a good twenty minutes until the stranger she was talking to recognized who she was. You can tell that she had a blast as she laughed all through the evening. 

Spending time with her gradually dwindled because of your job paired with your official duties as the Crowned Princess. But when opportunity arises, you make sure to make it worth the wait. Conversations are easy with her because she’s trustworthy and most importantly, she’s your mother. She usually asks you random, yet unexpectedly relevant questions whenever the two of you share a cup of coffee or tea or when you go shopping and even now is no different, as you’re about to choose the right fabric for your wedding dress. 

“Describe the person that brings the best out of you.”

Ah, here we go. Your mother is surely not distracting you but her intent stares as she props her arm against the armrest of the white couch she’s sitting on is definitely pulling you away from the matter at hand. The look on your eyes is telling her really? and she fires back with an expecting one telling you a silent, “well? Come on. Tell me.”

You snort and shake your head, bringing your attention back to the table. You’re not denying your mother an answer because you know who to describe. It’s not that hard to figure out and you know she’s smart enough to know.

Jeon Wonwoo.

“How do you want me to describe? Personality or physical features?” You ask back and humor her as you fiddle with one lace material. 

“Both,” she challenges with a mischievous grin and you’re not one to back down. 

“Well, the person is quite tall and sharp in terms of physical features,” you start, doing your best to describe him implicitly. “Has a way with words, but they are all genuine and honest.”

Unbeknownst to you, your mother’s fond smile confirms your assumption that she is smart and that she knows who you’re talking about. But she presses on, loving how you describe this mysterious person. 

“What about those features then? How do they help you?”

You thought for a moment and when the right words came to mind, you didn’t hesitate to say, “They inspire me to do and be better not only for myself but for everyone else. Mostly it’s their genuineness and honesty that inspires me.”

You and your mother laugh together at your last sentence. 

It’s true though. After witnessing Wonwoo in the light of his Kingdom, something tugged at your heartstrings. You don’t exactly remember when, maybe it was around high school, but you remember adamantly telling your friends that you would want to be with someone that will bring the best out in you. Someone that can fuel your desire to be of service for the greater good. It sounds awfully used too often and you’re sure you’re not the only one who thinks this way, but as you have already said, it’s the truth.

Despite the circumstances, you found that someone. You found Wonwoo.

A few seconds later, Jeongyeon comes in with a knock and announces, “Your Majesty, Prince Wonwoo has arrived.”

Your eyes spring up at the name, distracted once again. And when you see the “tall” and “sharp” Prince, you’re quick to your feet and run towards him. He stumbles a little when you jump at him in a tight hug, arms clinging around his neck. Nonetheless, he smiles and welcomes your enthusiastic embrace with a soft smooch on the side of your head. 

“Wait,” you abruptly pull away. “You’re not supposed to be here, though.”

Wonwoo acts dumb, tilting his head to the side. “What do you mean? Her Majesty invited me to be here.”

“Calm down, Y/N,” you hear the culprit say behind your back as she stands up to greet her future son-in-law. “There’s no dress yet. It’s okay for him to be here.”

You subtly roll your eyes. You’re not one to be superficial but if there were a dress already, she’d take her words back. You return your arms back to Wonwoo’s waist and lean your chin against his chest, your lips pulling into a pout. He leans down to meet your lips with a quick peck but your mother was quicker to push you aside and to take her turn in giving him a hug. 

Your jaw drops and your pout is exchanged with a scowl. 

Wonwoo tries his best to hold his laughter but to no avail, fails as he formally greets the Queen. “Good afternoon, Your Majesty.” 

“Always good to see you, my Prince,” the Queen replies and gently pats his cheek. “And now that you’re here, I can finally take my leave.”

“Leave? We haven’t even picked a fabric yet,” you remind her and stand in between them. 

“Honey, you have been going back and forth since nine in the morning,” she retaliates and walks back to the couch to pick her bag up. “Let’s schedule for another day. Unless you want Wonwoo to leave and we continue.”

Your stance immediately takes a hundred eighty degree turn. “You know what, you’re right. Let’s clear Saturday next week and we’ll take it from there.”

“I thought so.”

With a knowing wink, the Queen takes off.

That memory was from about three weeks ago after your visit and vacation at Wonwoo’s Kingdom. Wedding planning was back and the two of you went your separate ways for the time being to prepare your respective attire and accessories. Wonwoo didn’t know you had that conversation with the Queen not until she told him here at the hospital where you lie unconscious and fighting for your life.

The Royal Hospital was once again swarmed with a plethora of men in black suits because the Crowned Princess of the Kingdom has been shot twice, one on her shoulder and another on her left leg. It was a failed attempt in assassinating the King but Kim Mingyu took the opportunity to target your vulnerability and let his men shoot you instead as if it was his plan b. Kim Mingyu, whom he never desires to meet, is finally in police custody. He didn’t try to elude his impending arrest. In fact, he knew he would get arrested. He just wanted to toy with people until he couldn’t anymore. 

Wonwoo has no words to spare to describe him and seeing his face and hearing his name everywhere and everytime is just making his blood boil. 

The Queen has never left the hospital from the moment she arrived while you were undergoing operation up to being placed in a private room. She was calm when Wonwoo stood up from the bench to respectfully address her. She just nodded her head when he couldn’t say a word without his lips trembling and enveloped him in a warm hug as he cried on her shoulder. 

She told him that the two of you haven’t spoken since your father’s arrest and it has been unbearably painful and challenging. She acknowledges how terrible and neglecting she has been as a mother when she knows how absolutely difficult this is for you. It’s even more heartbreaking because you never once complained. Instead you respected her silence and distance. She regrets her absence and seeing you lying on a bed, looking so cold and fragile is making her world completely fall apart.

“Wonwoo, I’m so sorry that this happened,” the Queen solemnly says and holds his hand tightly. “The Kingdom promises that everyone involved will be held accountable.”

Wonwoo nods. “I understand, Your Majesty. Our Kingdom will do so as well.”

“I also want you to know that Y/N never wanted to end the engagement,” she adds. “She was just afraid that someone like her doesn’t deserve to receive your love.”

Wonwoo didn’t know that you looked up to him. If anyone should be admired, it should be you because you were ready to drop everything just to uphold justice. It’s been three days after the operation and you still haven’t opened your eyes. The operation was successful. No artery nor major organs were damaged, but you did lose a lot of blood. Just like the Queen, Wonwoo has been by your side, patiently waiting. Right now despite your stable condition, he still feels like dying. 

The love of his life almost died before his eyes. 

Wonwoo rests his head on the small space beside your arm, similar to the first time he took care of you a few months back. He gazes at your peaceful face, silently begging for you to wake up. He wants to kiss, hear and hug you again. He wants to be with you again. 

“Wonwoo.”

He sits up straight at the sound of his name and finds the Queen sadly smiling at him.

“How about you go back to your apartment for today?” She suggests, taking the seat on your other side. “Take a long shower and have some shut eye? Hmmm?”

Wonwoo bites his bottom lip, hesitant to leave and not have his eyes on you. He badly wants to stay and be here when you finally wake up. But the Queen is right. You’re safe now so he has nothing to worry about anymore. 

Slowly, he stands up from the chair he’s been sitting on for who knows how long. He clasps his one hand around yours while the other sweeps the hair that’s covering your forehead and lands a gentle kiss there. You’re starting to warm up and that’s a relief. 

He talks to you every single day, hoping you’d hear his voice. For now, he’ll keep it to himself.

I love you.

Later in the evening, you find your mother quietly dozing off, her head swaying from left to right and vice versa as she remains upright on the couch placed near the wall. You blink your eyes and adapt to the sudden brightness greeting your senses. You try to move your head and take in your surroundings and after a few minutes of contemplating, you recognize where you’re at and remember everything. 

Dad.

Your violent gasp immediately roused your mother from her sleep and seeing you struggling to sit made her jolt up and hurry beside you. 

“Darling,” she calls and holds your thrashing arms down, worried that you’d worsen your wounds. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“Dad,” you voice out against the dryness of your throat. “Mom, where’s dad?”

“He’s okay too.” You can see the tears welling up on her eyes as she caresses your hair and gently pulls you in a hug. “He’s safe.”

Together, you shed the tears of anguish that you have been holding back for so long.

The King couldn’t be here because the court didn’t allow his appeal to accompany nor visit you even just for a day. He couldn’t even carry his daughter’s body to the ambulance because he was handcuffed and heavily guarded. He couldn’t even protect his daughter from the harmful consequences of his mistakes. Your mother told you that he desperately wants to be by your side and you do know that. You’re way past his inability to be here and that’s none of your concern anymore. As long as he is safe, you’re more than content. 

The trial has been rescheduled for next week and your father has to be detained until then. You’ll try to visit him again once you’re discharged and together with that, you’d also find the strength to accompany him at his trial. 

Your mother was firm on staying and insisting that she’s fine when you tried to urge her to go home, but you can clearly tell how tired she is from the lack of sleep so you didn’t let her win. It’s already late in the night when she finally gave in. Your mother kisses your cheek one last time after the doctor assessed your condition. Jeongyeon would stick around for the evening in her stead. Poor girl cried so much the moment she saw you widely awake.

Once it’s only the two of you left, Jeongyeon helped you sit on a wheelchair and wheeled you next to the window before she left to grab some extra bottled water. You can’t stand properly yet because of the wound on your leg so a wheelchair is necessary if you want to be mobile. You’re starting to feel the back pain after lying down for so long, you need to move. The doctor was a bit apprehensive about allowing you to leave your bed, but gave in when you promised to stay inside the room. 

The moon, shining in all its glory, up in the dark sky looked so enticing, you had to take a closer look. The three days went by so fast and running through all that ensued leaves a sickening sensation down to your stomach. You shake your head, not wanting to relive the frightening memories.

Your attention goes back to the moon and one person comes to mind. 

It makes you selfishly wonder if he ever visited once or asked and worried about you as you bring your hand up to your neck. When you don’t feel the lifebuoy pendant, your heart skips a beat. You then looked down to your hand, your engagement ring is also not on your finger. You frown, growing upset. They could have removed it, but it should be back to you by now. You looked around the room, hoping to find your precious gems within reach. Just in time before you could wheel yourself around to search for them, you hear the door open.

“Hey Jeongyeon, have you seen my necklace and ring?” You ask to the void as you tilt your head back to the moon.

When you don’t hear any answer other than the sound of heavy breathing, you remove your gaze from the window to see who came in if it’s not your assistant. To your surprise it’s no other than,

“Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo didn’t keep count of the exact times, but he knows how long and how much he begged just to hear your voice call his name once again. He didn’t even have the chance to change from his sweatpants and sleeveless shirt when he received the call from Soonyoung (whom Jeongyeon told to). Honestly? He didn’t bother at all because he just wanted to be right here at this moment. 

To be with you. 

He takes slow steps as he calms his breathing. Meanwhile, you remained seated and let him come to you. You’d run to him just like you did back then, but your leg wouldn’t appreciate that. 

It felt like forever for Wonwoo to get to you. But when he finally drops on the floor and lightly rests his head on your lap, there’s no reason for him to complain anymore. 

Your tears fall again for the nth time tonight. You caress his wet locks, probably from the mixture of his shower and sweat. He cries too because you can feel it seeping against the pants you’re wearing. He wraps his arms around your lap, careful from crashing his weight. You, on the other hand, bend your head down to kiss the crown of his head.

Both of your hearts are shouting, finally. 

The beautiful moonlight shines on the two of you as you both silently settle down there for a moment, not giving a care in the world because this is just what you’ve been yearning for and you’re not allowing anyone nor anything to steal this away ever again.

Your long face doesn’t go unnoticed by Wonwoo and he knows why you’re pulling it against him. But no, he is not falling for it. Instead he ignores your silent plea and continues tucking you back on the bed. You glance up at him and try to win him again with your attempt at puppy dog eyes and when he doesn’t, you give up.

“You know that this bed is too small to fit two bodies, Y/N,” he states the obvious and drags a chair to sit on. “I know you’re smart enough to see that.”

You huff and pull the covers closer to your chin. If it wasn’t for the wound on your shoulder, you’d turn your back against him. 

Wonwoo just rolls his eyes at your antics and holds your hand under the warm blanket. 

After your short reunion, Wonwoo decided to get you back to your bed because it was nearing one o’clock in the morning. You haven’t brought up what happened and it’s alright because you still have another chance to do so. Hopefully.

“I’m sorry, Wonwoo,” you whisper under your breath but his ears can hear your words. 

He nods and kisses the back of your hand. “I know, baby. It’s not your fault.”

Baby.

You never use pet names or terms of endearment and hearing him say it for the first time almost made you faint. It’s an exaggeration but you’re weak at the moment and anything that flusters your heart can potentially weaken your whole body. 

Wonwoo then brings something out from his pockets and your eyes brighten at the sight of the necklace he gave you. He chuckles when he sees your excited expression and stands up. His fingers tenderly graze the skin of your neck when he puts it back to where it rightfully belongs. 

“I thought I lost it,” you say, holding the pendant between your fingers.

He sits back down and what he mutters next makes you feel a twinge of guilt. 

“I thought I lost you.”

You sigh and coax him to you, grasping the hand enclosed to yours. “Come here.” 

This time you let him take the small space on your bed. You sit up as well so that you can reach his height. He helps you and once you’re comfortably situated, you wrap your arms around his waist and rest your head on his chest. 

Wonwoo smiles at your affection and lets his hand smooth against your hair. You have always been brave when it comes to touching him and he’ll never forget how you kissed him on the lips first. He’s so glad and relieved you’re finally awake. He doesn’t think he can go on for another day without you. And now that you’re holding each other like this, he wishes for this night to never end. 

“I’ll probably not inherit the throne,” you say against his shirt. “I don’t think your family would want you to marry an abolished monarch.”

Wonwoo’s hand drops and he breathes out a disappointed sigh. He is not having this conversation with you right now. Why must you ruin the moment? 

When you don’t feel his hand against you anymore, you look up and steal a kiss under his chin. However, that doesn’t suffice because he’s still upset and it’s evident on the frown adorning his handsome face.

“But I realized I love you, so if it means I have to beg all the way to their Majesties for your hand then—”

Wonwoo doesn’t let you continue and shuts you up with a searing kiss. He softly squeezes your cheeks with one of his hands, almost as if commanding you to pucker your lips. Your eyes widened in surprise but when he put his other hand at the side of your neck, you surrendered. 

It’s no secret that you and Wonwoo kiss. Oftentimes they’re just quick brushes, but sometimes they get a little bit more intense, deeper. You won’t get into detail though, because that’s a story to tell for some other time. 

For now, you eagerly meet Wonwoo’s passion as he lays you back down on the bed, of course with caution. He doesn’t fully drop his weight on top of you, one arm carrying his upper body while the other gingerly cupping one side of your face. 

His chest is firm and his shoulder broad as you grip your hands on them and continue kissing him. You should be asleep by now because you are still recovering. But Wonwoo is a doctor himself, right? So if he took the initiative to kiss you until sunrise, then it must be alright. 

Okay, maybe it’s wrong to mock his profession like that. But, you’re just grateful to kiss him like this again. Because the last time you shared one, tears were streaming down your face and you two were on the verge of breaking up. 

“I should really put you to sleep now,” Wonwoo whispers against your lips, breathless. 

You hold your laughter, still basking in his taste. When you open your eyes, Wonwoo is already hoisting himself back up. Your lips draw into a pout again and the cause of it just rolls his eyes.

“I promise there will be more, but for now rest, okay?” He pinches your cheek lightly and sits back on the chair. 

“You can take the couch,” you tell him.

“Sleep, Y/N.”

You no longer defy and close your eyes. 

You remember the first time he commanded you those words and looking back, they are all fond memories of your then developing relationship. There were many questions when you and Wonwoo got along so well and so fast. There were many doubts and insecurities. The two of you shared those in silence, which could have endangered your hearts. However, even though your relationship was shaken and tested, the two of you persevered. 

For you, Wonwoo persevered and words and actions are not enough to thank him. You couldn’t have overcome this without his support and patience. So from now on, against all odds, you’ll do exactly the same.

[castleoikawa]

‧₊◜ # breath

↳  ❝ i am so incredibly sorry that i fell in love with you, it was never my intention. ❞ 

—description you had never meant to fall in love with the king, his fiery temper and cold demeanor would turn anyone away. yet, the childhood memories seemed to stay with you both.

—pairing king katsuki bakugou x castle stable girl reader

—warnings aged up characters, swearing, angst, fluff

—word count 3k

—authors note my first request! i hope that you enjoy this! :D

masterlist | unedited

Your job was rather boring. You would attend the stables, slaving away to maintain the horses for each of the king and his court. Your day would consist of constant heat, moving, and cleaning up only to start again right after. 

You seemed to always be moving. You would be on a horse, gliding through the acres of land; or you would be feeding them, grooming them, cleaning their hooves and applying new horseshoes. 

Yet, everything seemed to freeze whenever King Katsuki Bakugou would be in your presence. Everything would be in utter standstill. Everything except the beating of your heart that ricocheted against your ribs.

He was an excellent rider; he had to be, being King and all. 

While you were a child, Katsuki would sneak into the stables at dusk and steal them for midnight rides. You lived at a small cottage next to the stables, a small shack made of wood and stone behind the castle. So you always noticed when he would appear in the late morning hours with winded hair and flushed cheeks.

Those were the fleeting moments in which you witnessed the true him.

It continued into the preteen years as well. When his parents would tell him to rest in his bedroom, he would run to the stables and steal his gorgeous black horse named Hades and disappear into the night.

You would watch from your window, eyes gazing at the royalty as if he were a rare bird that you were afraid of scaring off.

“You stare a lot.” He caught you once. He was walking back towards the castle, between the stables and your home. You only blinked in response, pretending that you were invisible.

A small interaction that lead to more.

During the day, Katsuki would pretend to be uninterested and unaware of you.

When he would arrive with his parents, the King and Queen, for their midday rides throughout the week, Katsuki would stand with his back straight and hair brushed. He did not even look like the kid you knew, primed and pampered and perfect for his royal status.

He would ride his horse alongside his parents through the trails and gardens. 

Yet, at night, he was free.

Katsuki indirectly invited you a copious amount of times to ride with him. He would never say it, but he would motion for you to join or say, “Don’t just stare like you normally do, Stable Girl.”

And you joined. Who were you to deny the request of the prince?

Your horse was much slower than his. He slowed down to match your speed, it was an endearing thing that you knew he did. Though he complained nonetheless, strings of “You are so slow!” and “You must be an idiot to enjoy riding like this.”

When you rode your palomino horse alongside Hades, it was as if you were riding next to the night sky itself. The only indicator that he was still with you was his light hair.

That was a routine for a majority of your childhood. Berated and ignored during the day, and free riders at night.

“The sun is rising.” You warned him one particular night.

The two of you were in the stables, just putting the horses in and petting their noses.

“Let it rise.” Katsuki rolled his eyes. “What are my parents going to do? Fire me?”

It was one time that you genuinely thought that he was handsome. At the age of fourteen, he was confident and bright. And as the sun rose, the golden hue reflected off of his skin as if he owned the sun itself.

“Mom, why does that girl have shit on her?” Katsuki once asked the Queen directly in front of you. The two of you were around the age of seven, perhaps eight.

The Queen only rolled her eyes. “Because that’s what her job is, stupid boy. She works in cleaning up the horse shit.”

“That’s fucking disgusting.” Katsuki said. You felt anger boil in your chest. 

“Continue to use words like that and it will be one of your chores.” The Queen threatened. 

He was one of power and authority. Katuski Bakugou was one of strict rules and temper tantrums that left the castle in fear. Because he was to be feared, he could flick his wrist and you would lose your head.

Those moments of childhood were far forgotten. A lost prince replaced by a king.

You should be pissed at the king. For years, you had been a secret. A nightly visitor that shared secrets under the moon. It was as if none of that had happened.

But you knew that he had more responsibilities than some girl who worked in his horse stables. He was to rule his kingdom, marry a wealthy girl from another kingdom to merge powers, and live his life of royalty.

You were to attend to the horses.

“That’s my horse.” Katsuki’s voice echoed through the stables, deep and loud against the near silence.

You realized that it was his horse that you were cleaning. You were too focused on your work to notice.

With the trimmer in your hand, you wiped the mud onto your pants. “If you plan to ride her, it’ll be a couple more minutes. I’m replacing the horseshoes right now.”

“You will make the king wait?” He inquired.

You leaned on the wall from inside of the stable. “I will.”

There was a moment of silence. He stood with his back straight and crown sitting atop his light hair, hands clasped behind his back. His cruel handsomeness peered at you in the afternoon sun.

You knew that you should not talk to him that way, and request instead of demand. You knew that he was debating on whether to hang or burn you for disrespecting him.

But instead, he said, “Carry on then. I will wait.”

You watched him for a couple of extra seconds before returning to your work. He said nothing else as he watched and waited.

He was to be married soon.

There was a three day festival both in the castle and along the streets. The princess is from another kingdom across the lake, and would bring a great deal of trading and business.

The arranged marriage meant that there would be a grand wedding in which everyone may attend, along with a week long festival after. Parties among parties.

And you were still hard at work.

When your parents passed, you were left with the remains with only yourself. An empty house and your single friend was no longer a friend. 

You could not help the feeling in the pit of your stomach. One of jealousy and hope all at once.

“What are you doing here?” You looked outside, as if you were being followed and needed to confirm that no one else was around. 

Katsuki Bakugou stood at your doorstep in casual clothes and a familiar look in his ruby eyes.

“You will come riding with me.”

“I will, will I?” You sighed. “Katsu-- King Bakugou. I suggest you go back to your castle. You have a princess to love.”

“It was not a request.”

He stepped back, expecting you to follow. You did.

“You did not answer my question, My Lord.” You said as you entered the stables. “What are you doing here?”

“Can you not be a complete idiot for just a second?” He barked, turning to you. “We are going for a ride. Like we used to.”

“I did not think you remembered.” You confessed, not fazed by his anger. He was always like that. 

“How would I forget?” Katsuki turned to take his horse. “It was a majority of our childhood, was it not?”

“Didn’t seem like it.” You mumbled, mainly to yourself. 

If he heard, he did not acknowledge it. 

“Get your horse. Let’s go to the trails.”

You treaded slowly behind him, hesitant and nervous. Perhaps he was planning to kill you for your disrespect. He hadn’t said a word.

“King Bakugou...”

“Katsuki.” He stopped. He looked over at you. “You should know better than that.”

“We are not children any longer.” You said. 

“That’s obvious.” His voice was impatient. “But we are in private. You can call me by my name.”

“That is the issue here.” You sat on your horse beside him, glancing at the open field. “We should not be in private.”

When there was no reply, you stole a glance at him. He was absolutely regal despite being in casual clothes. Black shirt and cloth pants almost blending into his horse. His light hair and ruby eyes seem to glow, matching the golden circular crown on his head.

He did not look as he usually did.

“The sun is rising.” His eyes were on the horizon, the darkness being covered in light. 

You smiled. For the first time in a long time, you smiled. You thought that you caught a rise in the corners of his lips as well. 

“Let it rise.” You said. 

And he did smile, a full smile that you hadn’t witnessed since a child. 

You knew at once that you were in love. It crushed into your chest as if it were beaten into you. It had always been love. In love with the king, in love with someone to be married, and in love with faded memories.

He came back at nights again. The saying was correct, history repeats itself.

You would run through the trails and the garden and end at the field, one that overlooked a hill of flowers. It was the same flower field you would end up as children.

“Run with me!” Katsuki would cheer, snatching your hand and bringing you into the flowers. Stubby child legs and chubby cheeks.

You would giggle and follow him as you always did, struggling to catch up to the fiery boy. The flowers would bend beneath your feet but neither of you cared. 

Cold night winds hit your faces, the mixture of that and laughing leaving you both out of breath and with reddened cheeks.

It seemed like lifetimes ago.

You went to one party. One.

You dressed in the one dress you had, your mother’s dress. She wore it to every formal event that you could remember. 

The castle was absolutely stunning, pristine whites and clean floors. Even in your dress and heels, you felt underdressed. You were sure that you smelled of stables and dirt.

“You were not there last night.” A voice said from behind you.

You were talking to one of the cooks, both of you laughing and exchanging jokes about working in the castle. You couldn’t remember the last time you had social interaction this much. It was enlightening.

King Katsuki Bakugou looked more stunning than you could imagine. A red cloak with fur around his shoulders, white and black fitted suit, hair styled to hold his crown in perfection. Rings decorated his fingers and earrings ran along his ears.

He excused the cook from the conversation, leaving the two of you alone in the corner. 

“You will draw attention, talking to me in public.” You told him. 

He scoffed. “It’s my party. I will draw attention if I speak to anyone.” He paused. “You look different, I almost did not recognize you.”

“It’s because you only ever see me in my work clothes or my pajamas.” You semi joked.

When someone walked by, Katsuki’s voice grew louder. “You don’t smell like shit this time, either. I wonder if you made that dress or found it.”

“Hm.” You glared. “Very performative. Must be easy to keep up the scary King act, huh?”

“You’re being rather informal to me today, especially for someone in public.” He said, but his tone was warning.

“Were you not the one who visits me at night and asks me to be informal?” You asked. “That was embarrassing, what you just did.”

“Oh, suck it up. It can’t be worse than what you do on the daily.” Katsuki’s eyes flicked to yours. 

“I would rather clean up horse shit for hours than be berated in front of the castle workers.” You told him, stepping around him to meet with some of the maids.

You ignored the King for days.

It was a rather stupid plan, him being of his position. But you were both petty and angry with him. 

For someone who knew you since you were a child, for someone who met you every day, and for someone who you knew to be warm and not cold... he really did have two faces.

“Open this door.” He ordered, voice casting throughout your house from outside of the door. 

You flung the door open. “Go by yourself.”

“She lives.” Katsuki didn’t even have his crown on this time, just a shirt and clothes pants. “Come. You’re being stubborn.”

“I’d rather not.” You moved to close the door.

“It is as if you want to piss me off and fire you.”

“Go on and fire me then.” You threatened. “Try to find someone else who would take care of your precious horse as I have. Or meet you in the night as I have. Or...”

Something shut you up. A pressure against your lips forced them closed.

It took you a moment to realize that he was kissing you. Katsuki Bakugou, the King, was kissing you. 

You kissed him back. 

Falling into patterns, it would seem, was your specialty.

The nightly rides turned into kisses and smiles. The two of you would ride only to stop and end in the grass. 

You thought of his wife, of his title. You thought of your job, your title. You thought of everything. Yet every thought would cease when he would grab your face and place a kiss to your lips.

You hated it.

Every time you met in public, he would act as if he knew nothing of you. 

One particular morning, he arrived with the newly appointed Queen. His wife.

“It is disgusting here, Katsu.” She complained, lifting her dress to avoid the mud that littered the ground. 

“You said that you wanted to learn to ride.” Katsuki said. “I told you to wear pants.”

He turned to you, not looking you in the eye as you brushed your horse. 

“Is Maple available to ride?”

Maple. His mother’s old horse, a perfect chocolate brown and very calm. 

“She is, and she’s freshly clean.” You said. Your mind flashed with memories of his lips on yours only hours ago. “Maple and Hades, My Lord?”

“Yes.”

You helped them lead the horses out of the stables and watched as he helped his wife onto the horse. She struggled but eventually managed to balance. 

“The girl who works in your stables,” She said, though you were right next to her. Like you weren’t a person. “She’s a bit gross, yes?”

“Eh. I’m sure she’s used to it.” Katsuki shrugged.

“I couldn’t imagine living in such conditions.”

There was no defense, no “I’ve been coming through here every day for so long I hadn’t noticed”, nothing but a simple, “Let’s ride. We don’t want to be here all day.”

“These meetings need to end.” You told him. You were at the field, sitting on your separated horses and taking in the silence. “You are the King. You needn’t visit a girl who works in your castle.”

“You’re different.”

“How so?” You offered. “I work in your castle. It is not my job to kiss you, or...”

“Shut up for—”

“I need to say what I need to say.” Your voice was soft. “And I believe that...”

“ —just a moment.” He cut you off. “You are different. You always have been.”

“Is that why you only ever meet me in the dead of night?” You asked. “Or berate me during the day? I am not stopping these meetings and this friendship just to save your reputation in case we get caught. I am stopping them because I cannot take your constant changes.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” He rose his voice. He jumped off of his horse only to pace in front. “You simply don’t get it. Of course you wouldn’t.”

“You’re the King, Katsuki.” You said from above him. “I get that you have to—”

“Do the years not mean anything to you?”

“Do they mean anything to you?” You asked. “For years, you didn’t speak to me. Didn’t visit or see me as a person. For years I waited around and wondered about our friendship. And you come back and interrupt it now only to repeat the same things.”

“You’re a bitch, you know that?”

“And you’re a coward.” You spit. “You create false memories with me every single day.”

Katsuki went silent, looking up at you before mounting his horse again. 

“I did not mean for this to happen.” He spoke in a single breath. He did not look at you. “I am so incredibly sorry that I fell in love with you, it was never my intention.”

He disappeared back into the trees, as he always did.

​please do not copy, repost, or steal anything created and posted by me © castleoikawa 2021

[dreamersdreamloud]

Coming Home To You (Part 2)

AN: Kara is not Supergirl. She’s human and a reporter :) 

Many of you have requested a part two so here you go! This is part of a book that I’m working on so enjoy this sneak peek 

“This was a mistake.” Lena paces around inside her penthouse. 

Kara stands awkwardly in the middle of Lena’s living room. She watches her lover in distress, her mind running into a million thoughts. What would Alex say when she finds out? What would Eliza think of her when she finds out? 

She betrayed her oldest sister. It looks bad but most importantly she feels terrible. Kara let her temptations get the best of her. She shouldn’t have gotten so close to Lena when (Y/N) was away. She shouldn’t have comforted her most of the time when they heard the news that (Y/N) went missing during a mission. 

They shouldn’t have assumed that the person they care and love for was dead without any hard evidence. 

“Did you know?! Did you know that she was alive this whole time?!” Lena yells at the blonde Danvers. 

Kara was taken by surprise that Lena is yelling at her. She never yells at her. She never experienced her anger toward her. 

“What? No! Of course not!” Kara quickly replies. 

“How could you not know?! You literally write about international news, war stories, political topics, Kara!” 

“I’m just a reporter, Lena! I’m not a damn government spy! When I heard about my sister going missing. . . I tried to find leads, Lena! I TRIED! Nothing came out. No trace. No witnesses. No clues of what happened to my sister and her team!” 

Lena shakes her head in silence. Her tears were starting to form again. The young CEO thinks about the decisions she has made that have come to this very moment. She shouldn’t have accepted the youngest Danvers’ help and comfort when (Y/N) wasn’t around. She was a fool for falling for Kara’s touch and caring words. 

She tragically replaced (Y/N)’s kisses with Kara’s. 

“I need to find her. . . I need to find (Y/N).” Lena frantically says. “I just need to explain to her that this was a mistake. None of this was serious.” 

Kara looks into the floor and shakes her head in disapproval. 

“Lena . . .” 

“I’m sure she’ll understand. She has always been reasonable, right? God where could she be. A local bar! I just need to look up the local bars. She can’t be far. I-” 

“LENA!” Kara interrupted. 

The raven haired stops rambling and looks at Kara with frustration. 

“WHAT KARA?! I need to find your sister! I need to fix my relationship with her!” 

“What about us?” Kara questions her actions, her reasoning. 

Lena huffs out a laugh, “Us? There’s no us, Kara! This was a mistake. I MADE A MISTAKE. I love your sister, Kara. You know that!” 

It pains Kara to hear those words coming out of Lena’s mouth. Kara fell in love with Lena. In all truth, she fell in love with her while you were dating Lena. She kept it to herself. The youngest Danvers didn’t want to ruin the relationship you have with Lena. She thought that you being “dead” was an opportunity for her to have a chance being with the young CEO. 

Lena sobs, her knees falling to the ground. The stress and frustrations are getting to her. Kara didn’t hesitate to be by her side, comforting her the best she could without making the situation worse. Lena cries against Kara’s shoulder. 

“It’s not ideal to go out and find my sister, Lena. We should probably wait until tomorrow. Let her cool off. I’ll find her first thing in the morning and make this right.” 

“Okay.” Lena mumbles. 

**** 

It’s been three whole days that you haven’t stepped out of your hotel room. You have cried endlessly. Scream multiple times. You even broke a couple of items in the room. You drank until you blackout and woke up repeating the same thing you did yesterday. 

You have decided that you need to put your hurt feelings aside. You need to reunite with your family and friends. You mentally think about how you’re going to pretend that you didn’t see Kara and Lena a few days ago. You will keep your distance. You will maintain your cover. 

Your captain has already arranged your new deployment. You will be leaving at the end of the month and have a new assignment to take over. Your plan is to just get away from here. 

You've been in the bathroom for a while. Looking at yourself in the mirror. It’s obvious that it looks like you have gotten no sleep. You can just pass it off and just say that your military position doesn't give you enough sleep

You fix the imperfections of your new set of uniform before heading out. You take a deep breath and hope that no one catches you acting differently. 

*** 

Location: Lena’s Office 

“I can’t find her, Lena.” Kara desperately says. 

Lena looks out to the window, standing straight as possible. She was keeping her distance from the youngest Danvers. She can’t trust herself being near the reporter. 

“HOPE can’t find her too. The face recognition hasn’t picked up her face anywhere. . .” 

Kara’s phone rings out loud. The reporter sighs because it’s her sister, Alex. She hasn’t talked to her since you confronted your youngest sister. Kara hopes that Alex hasn’t found out, she can’t bear to handle Alex’s lecture and disappointment. 

Kara answers the call and puts it on speaker for Lena to hear as well. 

Kara: “Hello?” 

Alex: “Kara! Where are you?!” She said cheerfully. 

Kara: “I’m following a lead for my article. Why what’s up?” 

Alex: “(Y/N) is back! She’s alive, Kara! She’s alive!” 

Kara fumbles her words, not knowing how to react or say. She didn’t want to ruin her sister’s excitement. 

Alex: “Get over here at the DEO. J’onn have already picked up Eliza. They’re on their way back here. Bring Lena!” 

The call ended without Kara saying another word. Alex was too happy and excited to see you again. She’s happy that she gets to see you “first.” 

*** 

*A few hours earlier*

You didn’t head straight to the DEO to surprise your sister, Alex. You made a quick stop despite the situation you were in. The Uber car pulls up to the two story house that you were looking for. There’s physical changes to the house last time you came here. The grass was looking more green and the roses were more full. By looking at the driveway, the two people you wanted to see are still home. 

You rang the doorbell once and you can tell that someone is on their way to answer the door. You mentally ready yourself before they open the door. 

A woman gasped as they answered the door and saw you standing firmly in the middle. 

“(Y/N)?” Eve can’t believe her eyes. 

“Eve, who’s at the door?” Lex calls out in the background. 

Eve was speechless that she couldn’t answer her husband. Lex was a tad worried that Eve wasn’t answering him right away. The man makes her way to the door and gives the same shocking reaction as his wife. 

“(Y/N)! You bastard! You’re alive!” He shouts with joy. 

You smiled at both of them. You step in to give Eve a hug and then give Lex the same affection. Immediately, Lex can tell that there’s something wrong. He just knows. The man has always been like a brother to you and he feels the same way too. 

The married couple lead you to the living room to have a more comfortable environment to catch up. They didn’t have to worry about being late to their work since they’re technically the bosses of their own department at L-Corp. Eve comes in with some tea and mini sandwiches for everyone. The three made small talk, giving them the truth about what really happened in the months you were missing. 

Lex and Eve felt sorry for you how much pain and recovery you have to go through alone after that accident happened. You assure them that it wasn’t a big deal and that you’re very happy to live another day. 

After the good catch up, Lex thought it was time to find out what was bothering you. 

“(Y/N). . Why exactly are you here? Aren’t you supposed to see your sisters first? Or perhaps Lena?” 

You looked to the side, took a deep breath and sighed loudly. Your mind goes back to Lena. 

“Did you know?” You vaguely ask your ex-girlfriend’s brother. 

“Know what?” Lex replies, Eve looks equally confused. This confirms that no one knows, especially your mother and Alex. 

“About Kara and Lena. . .” Lex thinks for a moment before he replies. 

“All I know is that they’re close. When you were away, Kara had been keeping Lena company.” 

You nodded. He’s telling the truth. Small anger was inside you but you’re mad at Lex. You start to get mad at yourself for not being around much. 

“I caught them. . . I found your sister with my sister. It was clear that the love bites and the flushed redden cheeks on Lena were from Kara. . .” 

Lex suddenly feels stupid for not seeing this. He thinks about how he didn’t see the little hints that his sister was having a lover, becoming a cheater. Eve looks at you with sad eyes, she gets up and wraps you in a hug. 

“(Y/N) I don’t know what to say . . . I just - I really didn’t know. If only I have seen it sooner I would have prevented Lena from making those-” 

“Lex no.” You interrupted him. “Your sister is her own person. She can decide what she wants to do. You couldn’t have prevented her feelings for someone else. I’m not mad at you Lex. You’re always like a brother to me. You have helped me so much and I will continue to do the same. Despite the situation. This is between Lena and I.” 

Lex sucks in his lips and nods, “Did the two of you officially break up or talk about it?” 

“No. I left right when I found out. My heart is really fragile at the moment but I promise you like I promised to Lillian years ago that I will not harm Lena in any way. I have never physically abused her and I will not let this dictate my actions.” 

“You’re a good person, (Y/N). I’m sorry that it had to come out like this. I was desperately waiting for the two of you to get married someday. Getting the chance to call you my sister-in-law.”

You sadly laugh. You almost forgot about the ring that was attached to your military dog tags. You reveal your necklace to Lex and Eve. Eve was the first to react fast. 

“(Y/N)! That ring looks so beautiful!” Eve focused on the diamond on the ring. It wasn’t too small nor too big. It was the perfect size. 

“Damnit Lena.” Lex says under his breath while his wife talks to (Y/N) about the ring. “You better realize that you threw out the best Danvers sister. This one was going to marry you.” 

[slytherinnbitch]

Day 37: Funeral

Warning: Contains Minor Character Death (from old age)

Narcissa Malfoy died at exactly 9:08 pm, 11th July 2021 at the age of 133. With Draco and Harry at her side, her sons and healers.

It was a proper shock to both of their systems. Draco wrecked havoc before it was confirmed that she wasn't any longer with them. Then he broke down- oh no it's not what you're thinking- he didn't break down in the hospital room with Narcissa's cold body just within reach. He didn't shred a single year as everything got sorted.

Harry went numb the moment he saw the last breath leave Narcissa, the woman who had become his mum. He had witnessed so many deaths in his life that at this point, it should not feel like this. Like drowning but not really caring about it.

Draco broke down in Harry's arms that night. It was going okay, he did all the things needed to be done as her healers and then as her family. Harry at his side at all times, letting Draco be the family while he played Healer because he still hadn't processed Narcissa's death.

Draco cried till 4 am that night, sobbing hysterically in Harry's arms, howling in pain, a pain so very familiar to Harry. He had still been hiccuping when he at last fell asleep in Harry's arms that night.

Harry didn't sleep a blink.

...

Narcissa Malfoy was buried on 13th July, 2021 at 12 pm.

Not many people attended the burial, some of her remaining friends- just a handful, what with most of them dead die to the wars and then with age. Andromeda Tonks had been one of the few who had been through the whole ceremony, without so much as a sob, just dainty tears flowing from her wrinkled eyes. She wiped them with a cream handkerchief, nobody noticed her Cissa's own embroidery on it.

After the burial was done, she had come up to the both of them, slightly squeezed both of their shoulders before she hurried away. Harry saw an upcoming storm in her eyes.

He and Draco remained seated in front of her headstone for a long time. Maybe it was just a few hours, maybe a couple of hours, he had no idea.

Draco had his head on Harry's shoulder as he slightly squeezed their entwined hands every now and then. Harry still didn't shred a single tear, Draco had started looking at him with such a tender expression nowadays like he knew Harry could break any moment without warning.

Harry's heart was so full all the time, like he was carrying so much extra weight and he had no idea what he was supposed to do with it. So he carried it.

The reality of the whole thing crashed on Harry the night before Narcissa's funeral was arranged. It was a normal day at Mungo's. He had just finished stepped through the floo and he saw all the flowers that had been delivered. From those across the world who were unable to attend. And Harry's would had crashed.

He had fallen on his knees and stared at the white flowers as Narcissa Malfoy's death finally made its home in his head. And oh, did that hurt.

He had been shaking when Draco finally found him, on his knees just before their sofa. Draco had been home, having taken a leave from the hospital. He had taken Harry in his arms and suddenly they were inside their bedroom making way towards the bed.

The tears had been flowing abundantly for a long time, but when Draco whispered a soft Harry. That's when all the walls broke. He sobbed, he screamed, he even tried to push Draco away as he tried to console him. He screamed MUM until his throat was sore and his voice hoarse, he finally fell asleep in the warm embrace of Draco's arms as he forcefully hugged him and Harry was grateful.

Harry didn't cry ever again, not over Narcissa's death. No, whenever her thoughts overwhelmed him. He thought of them together, laughing and gossiping about Draco and what he did as a child and how she had just one day called him son, and he had called her mum before he fell silent. Narcissa had been beaming for a whole week.

Draco still cried, every now and then, he would be found wiping silent tears as he drank his tea or had bit sized caramel and chocolate cookies- Narcissa's favourite.

The ache did lessen after awhile but it was always there. A piece of him was always missing as he did gardening or even mudane stuff, as if she was always there for him. Just out of reach but still with him. She provided him strength when he felt like giving up and hope when he was on his worst days. It was true afterall:

The ones who love us, never truly leave us...

Day 36: Airplane || Day 38: Car

This was a very personal piece for me, written in remembrance of someone I lost almost a year ago to cancer. I potrayed my feelings through Harry. Thank you so very much if you read this because this one was from the heart.

[yeolmae-s]

a chanbaek analysis from a veteran exo-l (part 2)

CLICK HERE TO READ PART ONE

Writing this was a bit harder in comparison to the first part, because I wanted to organize things into a neat timeline, but I ended up not having enough patience for it lol specially because both of ChanBaek's main archive blogs seem to have deleted their pages documenting each date of EXO's early years. Therefore I apologize in advance if this part is a bit more messy. Also, please don't forget that all of this is my opinion and I don't mean for any of it to be taken as truth!

I kind of want to jump from MAMA era directly into Wolf era, since we don't really have a lot of cover regarding their debut phase besides Chanyeol's overeagerness and Baekhyun's awkwardness towards it, so to sum it up, I felt as if Chanyeol was more confident and consistent on what he thought an idol should act like, while Baekhyun (sweet, innocent Baekhyun who was a trainee for less than a year!) was still unsure on how to act on camera.

On the few early variety shows/interviews EXO appeared on, the members always pointed out how funny Baekhyun was, how good he'd be at variety and at doing imitations, but he never really lived up to all the praise on camera, although off of it, he most likely was as good as his members claimed.

He was a bit stiff on his early days in comparison to what we see today, and that's normal, I guess, since he debuted really quickly, but when you compare him to Chanyeol the contrast is so interesting, because the latter was able to latch on to a persona as soon as the public gave him one, while to me, Baekhyun was still doubtful regarding what to put on display. In the end, deep inside, Baekhyun is a private person, and was even more so when he wasn't confident enough to talk to fans like he does today.

Once again, I’m sorry for not being able to upload the gifs directly into the post, so I’ll just link them like I did on my last one.

This is another one of the moments where Baek appears to tell Chanyeol to just. Hold on for a bit.

There's another one similar to this where Chanyeol does the same thing (try to whisper on Baekhyun's ear) and Baekhyun fake laughs and stares at a fan's camera right after. Then, his expression just goes blank. It's really interesting to watch because you can just see the gears spinning on Chanyeol's brain as he stares at Baekhyun for a second and clearly thinks alright, fanservice time, and leans in to whisper something: it happens so fast you just know it wasn't genuine whispering, just a playful interaction for the fans, and Baekhyun's direct stare to the camera as soon as it happens just confirms this for me. 

1: Chanyeol spots his target.

2: He’s really thinking this through.

3: Baek's in a perfect position for whispering-time, so he leans in and does his thing.

4: Baekhyun laughs.

5: And stares directly at a fan's camera.

6: Immediately regrets his life choices. Chanyeol looks pleased.

It's actually better to watch the whole thing, so I'll leave it here. (starts on 0:28!)

(Random note: on this date EXO perfomed a cover of H.O.T's We Are The Future, and I feel like a lot of new EXO-Ls have not seem it and I adore this performance, so I'll link it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1-z4s3fdgo)

Now let's jump on to Wolf era, shall we?

Wolf era

I can't help but laugh when I think about how wild 2013 was for both EXO and EXO-Ls. They had their first hit song (which was Growl, not Wolf) the fandom grew considerably, shippers where just discovering the cute ISAC moments between "BaekYeol" and "HunHan"... Or at least that's how everyone remembers most of what happened during that year.

Are we forgetting the rumoured ChanBaek fight?

Considering their past interactions on airports, SMTOWN concerts, ISAC and other events, ChanBaek was now widely known to be close to each other. Baekhyun even said Chanyeol was the one who made him open up, and both of them mentioned feeling this "connection" to each other as soon as they met (although jokingly).

After Mama, the fandom was content-less for a considerable period of time, and what most people did was sharing around old performances and repeat overused memes.  I think that in every fandom there is a period where fans establish their main inside jokes and basically just get together to create a collective line of thought for perceiving their idols. That being said, one of the most well established facts in the fandom was that Chanyeol and Baekhyun were close. That was a fact.But then Wolf came, and they suddenly were not. 

This gif is a good example of how awkward their interactions were. Not even my delusional shipping brain in 2013 was able to come up with an explanation for it.

They simply did not acknowledge each other at all, and Chanyeol appeared to be closer to Kyungsoo (I think Baekhyun interacted a lot with Tao, but that may have been during the Growl era, not Wolf. As I said before, I'm a Chanyeol stan guys, sorry lmao).

Point is, these two boys who seemed to be best friends suddenly were clearly distant from one another.

What added fuel to the fire of the rumours was their appearance on Sukira, a radio show, where Sehun cried because the members sometimes had fights. Here's a fanacc:

[130530] EXO at Sukira

Sehun cried because the members sometimes fight.

Sehun: "Let's be loyal to each other, don't fight, and go until the end"

D.O: "We've been under a lot of stress lately because of the comeback, so I wish we won't fight in the future and do our best"

Here's a video cut of this part of their interview. 

I think this ask on lets-talk-baekyeol, a popular ChanBaek analysis blog from back in the day, shows how curious a lot of fans were.

What happened back then?

There's really no answer for that. On my opinion, not even Chanyeol or Baekhyun could give us a concrete answer on it, because I don't think an actual fight happened. For me, it was most likely a personality clash, a disagreement that probably wasn't even voiced out loud, just both of them noticing how uncomfortable things got, if Baekhyun's reactions to Chanyeol's fanservice is any indication. I somehow doubt there was a specific episode that created this distance between them, specially because during Growl, they went back to being friends, although not as touchy on camera as before, as if one of them had established their limits (oh, I wonder who!), but I still have this feeling that all of this was unspoken, because unspoken things seem to be a pattern on ChanBaek's relationship (something I'll touch on later, hopefully).

But it was during Growl era that I noticed something else about Baekhyun.

Wolf era

EXO'S Showtime was a such a gift. I recommend reading lets-talk-baekyeol's blog for this. I don't really agree with everything they say they do present a lot of relevant points. I may repeat them here, since I noticed them myself as well, but credits for them nonetheless.

I remember finding the lack of ChanBaek interactions during the episodes really dissappointing, but considering the Wolf Era drought, this was better than nothing.

My 13 year old self was devastated when Baekhyun appeared so quiet during Chanyeol's birthday episode, and during a recent rewatch of it, I think realized why.

Baekhyun doesn't like superficial things. It's not that Chanyeol is insincere, but he's just better than Baekhyun is at handling people pleasing, even when he doesn't really mean what's he saying/doing. The Chanyeol birthday episode was heavily centered on Chanyeol's random admiration for Kai, which I think we can all agree that it was a little bit scripted or a really spur of the moment thing that they just ran along with and oh man. Baekhyun did not want to be part of it.

During ChanKai's hug, this is what he looked like on the background, and the poor boy even refused to eat cake. He's just in the back, which is weird, because he's such a talkative person and Chanyeol is one of his closest friends. The only moment where he seems to be genuinely comfortable is when Chanyeol blows the candle and it's really cute. To me, it seems that he was kind of embarrassed to witness so much acting from everyone else and was unable to participate because he struggles with things like this, but the moment Chanyeol blows his candles to comemorate his birthday seems sincere enough for him to fondly smile.

This ties in so well with everything from Mama Era. He's just unable to keep acting/people pleasing on the same easy way that Chanyeol does, but this time he's not as nervous about it as he was on his earlier-early days, where he probably felt pressured to actually do stuff. Now he just doesn't do **it, he just doesn't do something that he dislikes doing, and that sadly creates a distance between them on camera and probably on a deeper level in their relationship as well, because both are just realizing how different their perceptions over their jobs is.

There's also this moment that the mods on lets-talk-baekyeol pointed out.

On the Christmas episode, when the members leave the couch to go get their presents, Chanyeol stays seated while Baekhyun gets up to fetch his. This is the sitting arrangement before (almost) everyone got up:

But when Baekhyun comes back, there's free space next to Chanyeol, however he's hesitant to sit by his side. He actually hesitates and doesn't sit down. Jongdae even gives him a little push right after.

Baek just seems hesitant to do things on camera, to interact with Chanyeol in front of an audience. For this moment, I feel like he's afraid to sit next to Chanyeol and end up having to over act. It's not that Chanyeol himself makes him uncomfortable, but the image of the friendship that they ended up creating for fans demands a lot from him.

And when I say hesitant to do things on camera, I really do mean it, because when Baekhyun thinks he is not being recorded/seen, here's what he does:

Here and here.

Their relationship clearly changed, and I think the reason for it is actually simple: both of them were under the impression that they were compatible with each other when they actually were not. Their personalities are extremely different, even if the way they present themselves is sometimes similar. Wolf and Growl era was our way, as fans, of watching them navigate around each other and finding out how their relationship was supposed to work.

And you know what's nice about that? The members watched all of it unfold. Their reactions to some of ChanBaek's interaction is a gold mine when it comes to analyzing them, because they clearly know, just as we do, that their relationship is kind of complicated. But I want to talk about it on the next part.

I am sorry for cutting this off again! I don't know if the next part is going to be the last, because after Growl there's Overdose and we all know what happened on 2014 [coughs] dating scandal [coughs] god help me I don't want to talk about it [coughs] so there's a lot to uncover and I need time to organize stuff.

Thank you for reading!

[haildoodles-writing]

And So We Sing in Elegies -- Chapter 5 

Oberyn Martell x reader

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

A/N: hello everyone! So sorry for being MIA, covid hit me like a train last month and threw my motivation into the gutter lol. Reading your lovely comments has been a huge motivator for me to keep going, though, and so I pushed myself back into the writing groove and finished this chapter hahaha. Love you all! 

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: none

The walk back to your quarters was . . . complicated, to say the least.

After Oberyn had left his chambers, you tidied the room in silence before changing into your riding clothes from the day prior. The pants and tunic were stiff from dust and wind, making it uncomfortable to put back on--but you would much rather be stuffed into awkwardly-fitting clothes than have to slink through the halls in Oberyn’s robe. Had anyone caught you wearing his attire . . .

You didn’t want to cause any rumors. You couldn’t afford to. 

You are my friend, he had told you earlier--pleaded, even, as if he were trying to convince you that it was true. 

And it was. Of course it was. 

But despite the bond you two shared, you were still a maid serving a prince. You were miles below him, and that distance came with rules. Protocols. And to a man where jurisdiction was at his fingertips and love came at no price, you weren’t sure he would understand why you stuck to them so closely. You weren’t sure he could. 

You shook your head as you crossed the building to the servants’ wing, stifling the thoughts as quickly as they came. You didn’t have the energy to think about it any longer--not after what had just happened. 

You were certain that you wouldn’t be seeing Oberyn for a while. Situations like that usually ended in him finding some place to isolate himself and think, whether it be the gardens or the library--or even the sparring ring, if he couldn’t shake off his anger enough. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he ended up in the latter. 

Though you didn’t blame him much for it. His anger was out of protection, and you understood why. Had the roles been reversed, had Oberyn been the one pushed into an arranged marriage against his will . . . you would have responded the same. 

You prayed that he wouldn���t affect him for much longer, though, and that he would calm down soon enough. And that eventually, maybe, he would become numb to it. Just as you were beginning to be. 

The servants’ wing was lively when you arrived, more so than it usually would have been at that hour. A glance into a few open doorways and at a few scurrying maids answered your question: they were all packing. They were to leave for the Old Palace tomorrow, you remembered--and they would arrive a day before you. 

Thankfully, no one paid you any mind as you hurried down the halls, likely too preoccupied with putting together their own belongings to give you much notice. A few familiar faces glanced your way as you passed--but you kept walking, slinking back into the crowd before they could recognize you. 

Much to your relief, your chambers were quiet when you entered--and so you went about gathering a spare set of clothes, a towel, and a few toiletries as quickly as you could. You wanted to sneak to the bathhouse before Khaegan came in. Or anyone else, for that matter. 

After stuffing everything into a cloth bag, you locked the door and changed into a bathrobe and sandals. You threw your riding clothes into a heap at the foot of your bed—you didn’t have the time to wash them now. You didn’t have the energy to, either.

The moment you finished changing, you collapsed onto the edge of your bed and released a heavy, quiet sigh. You nearly considered lying there for a while, perhaps slipping in a nap before you bathed and inevitably went back to your duties—

As if on cue, a knock sounded at the door. You nearly groaned. 

It was a feat to get your feet underneath you again, but eventually you crossed the room and unlocked the door with clumsy fingers. And beyond it . . .

“I didn’t expect you back so soon,” Khaegan said, his face blank as he leaned against the doorway. Judging by his lack of surprise, you presumed he had seen you in the hallway and followed you back. Probably. 

You shrugged, turning back to collect your things as he stepped further into the room. “I arrived late last night,” you told him. “I’ve been with the prince since then.” 

At that, Khaegan raised a brow--but he closed his mouth when you shot him a dry look. 

You grew quiet as he rummaged around his side of the room, pulling clothes and toiletries and a random assortment of items from the boxes underneath his bed. He dropped everything into an old, fraying wool bag at his side. Only when he was finished did he turn to look at you.

His eyes flicked around your side of the room--likely looking for your own luggage. “Are you not packing?” he asked.

“I suppose I forgot to tell you,” you chuckled, “I’m leaving a day after you all. The prince wishes for me to travel with his escorts.”

To his credit, Khaegan didn’t seem fazed by your comment. You suppose it made sense, after all, for you to travel with Oberyn instead of the other servants; your job required you to be close to him as much as possible, especially since you were his only handmaiden--at least at the Water Gardens. 

You wondered why that was. 

Khaegan let out a loud, dramatic sigh as he sat on the side of his bed. “Disappointing,” he muttered. “I was rather looking forward to watching you blush over the prince on our journey there.” 

“Bite me,” you huffed. Khaegan merely laughed. 

Being the perceptive one he was, it didn’t take long after you met for Khaegan to realize your feelings for the prince. Though, you weren’t necessarily inconspicuous about it; unlike your chambermate, you were never good at hiding your emotions. And so Khaegan had to witness your years-long pining over the prince, but he never once pressured you to speak of it unless you felt inclined to do so. 

. . . Though you never outrightly expressed how you felt about him. And truth be told, you weren’t necessarily sure how you felt about him yourself. It was just a flurry of emotions and feelings--some that came in passing fancies and others that made home inside your chest. You weren’t sure you could put it into words, even if you tried. 

You assume it’s because you refused to acknowledge it for so long.

Khaegan didn’t respond to your jab, and you allowed yourself to bask in the quiet--so at odds with the commotion beyond the door--for a moment longer. But then, just as you shouldered your bag and stood, his next words stopped you. 

“Why have you returned so soon?”

 . . . You paused. 

And then you took in a breath. Another. 

“Things . . . didn’t turn out well, with my parents,” you offered. To your own surprise, it wasn’t difficult to spit out. You supposed that it was because you had already said enough with Oberyn; what was one more confession?

For a minute, Khaegan paused. 

“Do you want to speak with me about it?”

“I . . .” You chewed on your lip. 

At first, you weren’t sure you wanted to--weren’t sure that you had the strength to. But the longer you thought about it, the more you realized that you should. Kaegan was the closest friend you had--and, more than that, he was one of the few you trusted.

“I suppose I need to,” you whispered. “Just . . .” 

Khaegan watched as you tensed under his scrutiny. And you tried--you tried--to straighten yourself, to throw your shoulders back and release the tension in your arms until you appeared relatively normal. But that weight, the one that hung like a millstone around your neck, gave it all away. 

“Why don’t you clean up,” he offered. “Then we can talk.” 

 ☼‐‐‐‐☼‐‐‐‐☼‐‐‐‐☼‐‐‐‐☼

 You told him everything. 

. . . Well, nearly everything. You couldn’t bring yourself to go into too much detail, despite the fact that you knew you should. You promised that you would tell him in time. Just . . . not now.

Khaegan was still seated on his bed when you returned from the bathhouse, and he waited patiently until you gathered your thoughts together. And when you eventually confessed, he sat there in relative silence, only speaking up occasionally when he needed more clarification--the whos, the whats, the hows--

Though, he never pushed too far. He never asked why, either. You were grateful for it.

Once you were finished, you waited for a minute as Khaegan’s gaze turned shallow--likely processing everything. You weren’t bothered by it. 

Eventually he spoke up--and unlike you, he wasn’t one to palter. 

“What will you do?” 

His face was impassive--it had been since you began to spill. It was normal for him to take in information before reacting, though. You didn’t expect any emotion-driven comments from him any time soon. 

“My parents will send a letter with the location of the suitor’s estate, and I’ll meet with him soon after,” you shrugged. It sounded monotonous--and by that point, you were sure it had to be. 

“And then?” Khaegan pushed. You knew what he was pressuring you to say. 

And then . . .

You swallowed thickly.

“I’ll marry him,” you whispered, and it felt heavy on your tongue. And as they fell from your lips, you realized it was the first time you had spoken it aloud. The first time you had truly and openly confirmed it. 

I’ll marry him.

It was final.

In front of you, Khaegan rested his elbows on his thighs. “Though you don’t want to,” he concluded quietly. His eyes flicked over your face, your posture, taking everything in. 

Processing. Always processing.

“If I’m being completely truthful . . . part of me does,” you admitted to him. “If I don’t marry now, I likely won’t have the opportunity to again. And I’m not going to leave my family behind, either. So I suppose that in doing this . . .” You shrugged. “It kills two birds with one stone, so to speak. I told the prince the same.” The words were still raw from when you spoke to Oberyn, though, merely an hour or so prior. Saying them still hurt.

Perhaps if you repeated them enough, they wouldn’t weigh you down as they do now. Perhaps they would lose their meaning, and saying them wouldn’t feel like you were trying to breathe around a blade in your chest anymore. And maybe the weights hanging from your neck would shatter, too, and you would finally be able to move without breaking.

For a minute, Khaegan didn’t respond. He simply sat there and waited, watching as you finally hunched over and buried your head in your hands--

You didn’t look up as you heard shuffling, and then the quiet sound of footsteps. And then the bed dipped, and he was next to you, pressing a tentative palm against your back.

Khaegan wasn’t one for touch. He was protective of his own personal space, and any invasion made him uncomfortable--it always had been. So the fact that he had moved to your side, sitting close to you, offering a supportive hand because he knew how much you needed it . . . 

Your eyes burned.

“You’ll be alright,” he whispered, his voice flowing through you like a gentle tide. And for a moment, it was enough to calm you, enough to soothe your frazzled mind and rushing thoughts--

“I know I will,” you croaked. 

I will. I will. I will--

Your hands dropped to your lap, and everything around you began to grow blurry. Somewhere deep inside you, you felt the last remaining piece of your strength crack. 

You began to sob. 

 ☼‐‐‐‐☼‐‐‐‐☼‐‐‐‐☼‐‐‐‐☼

 Khaegan and the rest of the staff left early the next morning. 

The switch in workers was, unsurprisingly, an ordeal that lasted quite some time. Overnight, the servants stationed at the Old Palace arrived in small waves in an attempt to make the transition smoother--which was successful, of course, but it didn’t make the Water Gardens any less loud. 

Unlike your chambermate, you found yourself tossing and turning as you tried to sleep. Over time you grew irritated at the constant bustle--and when that irritation manifested into clenched fists, a large headache, and a heavy weight behind your eyes that refused to fade, you climbed from your bed and trudged through the hallways with a heady sigh. The blanket you brought with you was hung loosely around your shoulders, and you managed to shuck on a pair of sandals before you left. Luckily, no one paid you any attention as you wandered. 

To where, you didn’t know. Just . . . somewhere. Wherever, as long as it didn’t claw at your ears any longer. 

Your head still ached from the previous day’s events--and your body was still exhausted from the past two. It had begun to wear on you, little by little, and now you were left completely defenseless. Usually, noisy quarters and a lively atmosphere just beyond your door was something you could sleep through--but tonight, as if the gods had cursed you, sleep was no easy feat. Relaxation wasn’t one, either. Eventually, you became so overwhelmed that your eyes burned of frustrated tears. All you wanted to do was to rest.

And so, needless to say, the sigh that washed through you as you wandered further into the estate gardens nearly toppled you over. You could feel yourself relax with each step down the cobblestone path--and, unsurprisingly, with each step came more exhaustion. 

Eventually, you found yourself in an alcove towards the edges of the gardens, a few turns past the drawing desk you so frequented. It was a place that you visited often, somewhere most of the servants were unaware of--or at least were too busy to discover. For the most part, you could call it your own. 

The alcove was small, roughly around the size of your own chambers, and mainly consisted of a handful of wooden chairs and a circular table--though at the furthest end from the entrance was a long settee, with an arch of vines nearly concealing it from view. It was exactly what you were looking for. 

In an instant, you collapsed onto the settee and threw the blanket over you. The air that night was cool enough for you to be comfortable as you laid there--and you found your hands unclenching and your eyes drooping almost immediately. The rustling of leaves in the wind and the blinking stars above felt like a lullaby. 

It didn’t take you long to fully relax. 

You didn’t realize that you had fallen asleep, however, until a hand on your shoulder jolted you awake. 

Oberyn. 

Why does he always seem to find you?

“My dove, why are you sleeping out here?” 

Turning on your side, you found that he was crouched next to you, his head tilted as he stared at you. He was dressed in a loose, burnt orange robe, one that looked almost burgundy in the deep blue night. Likely his nightclothes--or, well, his wandering clothes, as you liked to call them, as it was usually something he threw on just so he didn’t look too improper when he wandered the halls. 

And as he watched you, despite the worry on his face and the crease between his brows, he looked . . . calm. Mellow. The curls brushing his forehead twisted and twirled in the late night breeze, and his eyes glowed and flickered in time with the stars above him—

You wanted to paint it. Paint him.

Though, that wasn’t anything new, was it?

As you sat up, you shrugged. “I couldn’t fall asleep. The servants’ wing is quite lively at the moment.” 

At that, Oberyn paused.

“Why didn’t you come to my chambers, then? You know you are welcome there.” He seemed . . . well, confused, at the fact that you didn’t disturb him, didn’t wake him by creeping into his rooms to fall asleep on his settee or something of the sort--

“I needed some quiet. It’s . . . rather peaceful here.” 

And you’re too timid to face him, you thought. Not after earlier.

Why would he want you in his chambers after that?

A small, almost sheepish smile tugged at his lips. “Well, if I’m intruding, I can leave you be--”

“No, no,” you interrupted, and it was much louder than you intended. You bit your lip.  “I mean . . . you’re welcome to stay, if you’d like.” 

He hesitated for a moment--as if examining you, trying to deduce if you really wanted him there. But then, before you could say anything more, he smiled, smoothing down his robe as he came to sit next to you. Again, not too close, just in case . . .

“I thought you could sleep through such noise,” A small, cheeky smirk pulled at Oberyn’s lips. “You certainly did last time.” 

“I beg of you, don’t torment me again,” you groaned--a sound that was drowned out by his laughter. It was one banquet, and he never seemed to let it go--

“It’s much more difficult to remain asleep when my chamber door screeches every time it opens,” you sighed. Though you couldn’t hide your smile. 

At that, Oberyn chuckled. “Remind me to have someone replace that.” 

You almost protested--surely a rickety servant door wasn’t enough for a Dornish prince to send for aid--but you knew that objecting would only make him fix it faster. He was always like that.

Hard-headed, you thought.

But then, as you took in the man at your side, a realization came to you. “Why are you awake, my prince?” 

He hummed. “Oddly enough, the rest of the estate isn’t any quieter. I thought a walk would do me well,” he answered. And then you saw how his eyes glimmered--

“Though, I did come out to simply walk. I didn’t plan to find you asleep in the farthest alcove from the estate.” You pushed at his shoulder, and his resulting laugh echoed throughout the alcove. It was thrumming and bright, and it warmed your skin like sunshine. “You mock me,” you muttered. 

“Only sometimes,” he smirked, throwing you a wink. “When you deserve it.” 

You rolled your eyes.

And then, before you could help it, you yawned. 

Loudly. 

Oberyn laughed at that, and you felt your face grow warm out of sheer embarrassment--

“You should sleep, my dove,” he told you. “Though not out here. I can prepare my rooms for you--”

“No,” you objected. It was a little louder than you had hoped. “No, that’s alright.” 

You didn’t want to intrude, not again. No matter how much he insisted.

You wept last night, in your sleep, he had told you yesterday. And it didn’t take long after that for you to shatter in front of him. 

. . . You didn’t want to risk him seeing that again. 

Oberyn must have noticed something in your face, in your tone--because after a minute, he gave up. He only hummed in response.

You both fell quiet, and you felt Oberyn’s eyes on you as you fiddled the hem of your blanket. You couldn’t meet his gaze. And in that moment, you were surprised that he hadn’t brought up the unspoken issue between you both yet, the floating question that turned the air so thick it was hard to breathe--

The words slipped out of you before you could think twice.  “About earlier . . .” you swallowed. “I hope I didn’t upset you too much--”

Oberyn cut you off. “Nonsense,” he said. “My feelings shouldn’t be placed above your own. In this case, especially.” 

He paused, then, and you felt his gaze on you--taking you in, analyzing you once again. Likely noticing your hunched shoulders, your puffy eyes, the way your body just yearned for some peace--

“Besides,” he offered, “something like this is much better suited for daylight, hm?” He tilted his head as he looked at you, and you fought the urge to shrink under his gaze. “The night has no use for such solemnity.” 

He was always the more logical one between the two of you. The wiser one. 

Eventually, you agreed. “Perhaps it would be better to discuss after your name day, wouldn’t it.” And it was, in all honesty, the best decision--you had preparations to take care of, and you were traveling in less than a day’s time, and you hadn’t so much as gotten the location to your suitor’s estate--

“Perhaps,” Oberyn shrugged, pulling you from your thoughts as he turned his gaze to the alcove before you. And in that moment, you realized that his lightheartedness was more for your sake than for his. That he would continue to remain casual, at least until the air was lighter and your shoulders felt less heavy. And it worked.

You were grateful for it.

Oberyn didn’t let the moment stew longer, though, and he let out a deep sigh as he rubbed his hands on his thighs. “I deem that this calls for something to brighten the mood,” he grinned. He shifted to reach into his robe pocket, and it was only then that you realized he had hidden something there. In the darkness, however, all you could make out was a thin, long bump.

“I’d loathe to see your gift be hidden away in my drawers again, after all.” 

At that, you perked up, and your eyes widened. You couldn’t help it—and Oberyn knew it too, which is why it only made him laugh harder.

“A gift?” You swallowed. “Oberyn, if this is about the other day—“

“It’s not.” 

He held up the object--wrapped in cloth and secured with a piece of twine--between you both. And when he spoke again, his voice was soft. “Consider it an early name day gift.”

You took it from him carefully, eyeing him for a moment until he motioned for you to continue. And so you tugged on the string, unfurling the gift onto your lap--

“. . . A paintbrush,” you breathed. An expensive one at that; you hadn’t seen a pure rosewood brush in years, let alone one that was made with sable hair--

Oberyn let out a chuckle as your fingers fluttered around the brush.  “It’s from Oldtown,” he explained. “I purchased it during my last trip.” 

“That was months ago,” you pointed out. Had he . . .

“I stored it away for safekeeping,” he answered. “I was planning on gifting it to you on your name day, but . . . the situation called for it.”

You let out a deep breath. “It’s beautiful,” you marveled. Gently, your thumb ran over the bristles, over the small etching in the wood just beneath it: your name. 

And in that moment, you nearly chuckled at your own awe, at how you handled the brush so gently. How were you supposed to dirty something so priceless?

“Why give me this now, may I ask? I would assume that it’s in recompense for that charcoal breaking days ago, but this seems much too big a gift so something so simple,” you laughed. And though you didn’t want to, you forced yourself to put the brush down as softly as you could. Oberyn remained oddly quiet as you did so--but when you eventually looked at him again, you saw a small smile adorning his face. 

“You . . .” He swallowed.

You sobered almost immediately.

“I’ve always known that you’ve been treated unfairly. Life has dealt you bitter cards.” With a gentle hand, he reached down and touched the brush, running his fingers over the engraving on its ferrule once. Twice. A third time.

“Until yesterday, I wasn’t aware just how bitter those cards were.” 

You felt your throat grow thick. 

Though you tried not to acknowledge it, you knew his words were true. And sometimes you wished that you had gotten something better--that the man you were fated to marry all those years ago was good, that you never had to grovel and steal after fighting against your own blood--

You never would have met Oberyn, though, you thought. 

The evening grew quiet, then, and you simply watched as Oberyn continued to run his fingers over the brush. 

Life brought you to him. 

For some reason. 

Eventually, Oberyn released a heady breath. “I want you to know that you are safe here,” he promised. Your eyes flicked to his own, then, only to find that he was already staring at you. The intensity in his gaze, the emotion, flooded into you like the sea. 

“No matter what happens, I will protect you,” he whispered. 

The weight of those hit the ground like stone. 

For a moment, you simply sat there, your breathing heavy and your hands shaking as everything began to settle. You couldn’t find the words to respond--you didn’t think you ever would, either. 

He promised--he swore--to protect you. And for him, to make an oath . . .

Before you thought twice, you took his hand and raised it to your lips, pressing a kiss against his knuckles. His skin was warm, comforting, thrumming with a vibrancy that you wanted to drown yourself in--

When you opened your eyes, you saw his own burning into you. 

And you found that, though you wanted to shrink under his stare, you couldn’t look away.

“I know,” you whispered. “I know.”

You didn’t release his hand.

General Taglist: @mutantsandproud​, @gollyderek​, @mrsparknuts​, @readsalot73​ @toilet-keeper​ @bluemoon-glen​ @talesfromtheguild @lin-djarin​ @sarahjkl82-blog​ @gingerbreadandpaper​ @forever-rogue​ @mrpascals​ @bestintheparsec​ @hiscyarika​ @murdermewithbooks​ @aerynwrites​ 

ASWSIE Taglist: @assaultsofthought​ @agingerindenial​ @roxypeanut​ @alisonisunderground​ @gooddaykate-reads​ @renececilia @ahopelessromanticwritersworld​ @mrschiltoncat​ @clydesducktape​ @misslolasworld​ @lilzebub​ @kid-from-new-zealand​ @rpcvliz​ @none-of-your-bullshit​ @shakespeareanwannabe​ @ineedsome-getmesome @stitchers-in-stitches​ @lueurnotes​ @cinewhore​ @buckstaposition​ @the-feckless-wonder​  @windfallss​ @belfry-bat​ @april-14-blog​ @fandom-addict-aesthetics​ @alexmarie29​ @frietiemeloen​ @imaginecrushes​ @stars-trash-18​ @whovianwar​ @itsjustmylifeconfessions​ @mlb4evah @mcrmarvelloki​ @theamuz​ @persephoneiswatching​ @sweet-creature98​ @drinkingwhileblogging​ @310ra​ @qhbr2013​ 

Pedro Characters Taglist: @ilikechocolatemilkh​ @remmysbounty​ 

Let me know if you would like to be included in any of my taglists!

[johnny-freaking-silverhand]

Hospitality Part 2

Goro Takemura x V

Part 1

Word Count: 2817

Ever since your first offer of letting Takemura use your apartment, he had been around almost every night. He would go out during the day, you weren’t sure if it was because he was working on trying to prove that Yorinobu had killed his father or because he felt like he was in your way, but he still returned in the evening to shower and sleep. If you were in, which wasn’t always the situation since you were working on finding a solution to your own problems, he would normally cook dinner as well, so your kitchen has never been so stocked. It was a pleasant arrangement that you had certainly gotten used too.

Having Takemura around had proved useful in some ways, you spent the best part of your days apart, both out in Night City pursuing separate leads but you spent most evenings together and had formed a sense of closeness in that time.

You were in the kitchen, just washing up when the relic malfunctioned, sending shocks of pain through your head before trailing down your spine. You let out a pained gasp, feeling the air being stolen from your lungs, as you held your head in your hands, releasing the glass that was in your hand. The glass shattered on the floor and you nearly collapsed.

As you felt your knees buckle, a strong arm wrapped around your waist, keeping you on your feet and holding you against his chest.

“V? Are you alright?” Takemura’s familiar voice managed to get through the ringing in your eyes.

He kept one arm around your waist and took one of your hands in his other, pulling it away from your head in an attempt to see what was going on.

“Are you alright?” his voice came through clearer as the ringing settled.

“Yeah…yeah…I’m okay” you nodded but Takemura didn’t release you.

“You should sit down” he advised before helping you over to the couch, sitting you down before kneeling down in front of you. “What’s wrong?” he asked, clearly concerned.

“It’s the relic…messing up again. It happens sometimes but usually goes a way pretty quickly” you explained. “But damn it hurts” you sighed, rubbing your forehead gently. “I think I’m fine now, just need to sit for a minute” you assured him.

“Is there anything I can get you?” Takemura kindly asked but you just shook your head. He nodded before standing and returning to the kitchen to clean up the smashed glass.

“You alright?” Johnny asked as he appeared standing in front of you.

“Yeah” you nodded, glad that he was just being calm and quiet for now.

“Did you say something?” Takemura asked from the kitchen, making you look over at him.

“Uh, no, sorry” you told him, seeing him nod and get back to work before turning back to Johnny.

“Maybe he isn’t too bad to have around” Johnny hummed, disappearing again as Takemura approached you.

“Here” he handed you a glass of water as he reached you, even though you had said that you didn’t need anything.

“Thank you” you smiled, taking the drink.

“There is no need to thank me” he assured you before leaving you to rest and have some space.

A FEW DAYS LATER

You were already at the apartment, lounging on your couch after closing a few gigs earlier on in the day, when Takemura walked through the door.

“I have news” he announced, getting your attention.

“Oh, please be good news, I can’t go running around right now” you groaned, turning your body to face him.

“Don’t worry, it doesn’t require your services” he assured you, making you relax against the back of the couch again.

“What is it?” you asked.

“I have found a new apartment, so I can finally stop intruding on you and your home” Takemura informed you, catching you off guard.

You paused for a moment, processing his words before speaking. “Goro, you aren’t intruding. I’ve told you, you’re always welcome here” you reminded him as you stood from the couch, moving to stand in front of him.

“I appreciate that, V, but it is time for me to leave the nest, as they say” he shook his head.

“Well, if you’re sure, just don’t want you to feel like you can’t stay” you nodded, trying to ignore the strange feeling of loss that was settling in your chest. “Is it nice?” you asked.

“It is…affordable” he told you unenthusiastically.

“Well, still, that’s good news” you attempted to sound optimistic, even if his new place already wasn’t sounding too great.

“You both look like kicked puppies” Johnny popped up beside you both and you had to resist the urge to roll your eyes. “You don’t want him to leave, he doesn’t want to leave, just tell him that” he advised, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Got to admit, I’m going to miss your cooking” you joked, deciding to ignore Johnny.

“I’d be happy to keep cooking for you. We can still have dinner together” Takemura offered.

“We can?” you asked, a little surprised.

“Of course. I could come here, or you could visit my new place” he nodded.

“I’d like that” you smiled.

“That’s a date invitation, right? I don’t know, these Corpos need to be more blunt” Johnny hummed, giving you a look that told you to take action but you ignored him.

“Well, if you ever need anything, you can call me” you reminded him.

“I will call you about dinner” Goro promised.

“Good” you nodded, still smiling.

And so, Takemura packed his belongings and left your apartment. As the door closed behind him, you sighed and sat down on the couch, Johnny once again appearing in front of you.

“Why did I have to get stuck in the head of an idiot?” Johnny asked with a scoff.

“Excuse me?” you raised an eyebrow at him.

“You should have said something” Johnny told you.

“Like what?” you scoffed.

“Oh, I don’t know, ‘please don’t leave me, I love you!’” he mocked dramatically, doing an awful impression of you.

“Fuck off, Johnny. I don’t love him” you snapped.

“But you want him to stay” he pointed out, sitting on the coffee table in front of you.

“Just shut up” you groaned, not liking having somebody in your head, able to know what you’re thinking and feeling.

“He wanted to stay too, even I could see that. Should’ve said something” Johnny continued with his retrospective advise.

“I thought you didn’t like him” you looked at him with a confused expression. Why was he so supportive of having Takemura stay in the first place when he had been against your entire friendship not that long ago?

“Didn’t…still don’t really, but you do” Johnny shrugged, making you sigh. “Next time just say something” he advised. You weren’t sure whether you liked him more when he was just trying to get out of your head or now that he has actually become a friend getting involved with your personal life.

“Thanks for the advice, Johnny” you mumbled, tilting your head back against the back of the couch.

“Anytime, kid” he smirked before disappearing. You just rolled your eyes at him before closing your eyes and letting out a small sigh.

A FEW DAYS LATER

Since Takemura moved on from your apartment, the two of you had stayed in touch through phone calls and messages, but it wasn’t until a few days after he left that you received a call from him inviting you to dinner. Of course, you accepted the invitation, happy to meet in person again.

So, he sent you the address of the place he was staying at and immediately the alarm bells in your head started ringing when you saw where it was located. But you headed over, entering the small, rundown looking apartment complex. You had been in places like this a hundred times for one reason or another, but you couldn’t picture Takemura staying here.

Walking up the stairs and down a hallway, you finally reached the door of his apartment. You knocked on the door and you barely had to wait for Takemura to open it and greet you with a smile. He welcomed you inside and closed the door behind you as you walked further into the room.

The apartment was dimly lit, the windows had been bordered up for one reason or another, and there was nearly no furniture. It was bland and cold, and that was ignoring the signs of water damage or the sound of arguing coming from the neighbouring apartment. This just wasn’t Takemura’s style at all.

“Cosy” you commented but even you weren’t sure whether you were trying to be polite or sarcastic.

“I don’t plan on being here for long” Takemura assured you as he returned to the little kitchenette, where he had already prepared dinner. “Please, take a seat” he gestured towards the table positioned in the centre of the room.

You sat on one of the two chairs that were pulled up to the small table, a candle flickering in the centre. Takemura walked over and poured to drinks before going to get the plates of food, placing them down on the table before sitting across from you.

“Thank you” you smiled as he sat down.

“Aw, isn’t that nice. A little candle lit dinner…even in this shit hole” Johnny appeared, leaning back against the wall to the right of you.

“Please, Johnny” you thought as you took a sip of your drink, pleading with him to just give you one evening.

“Fine but you better be honest with him, I can’t handle the sulking anymore” Johnny muttered before disappearing again.

“Considering what you had to work with, this is great” you complimented his cooking once again as you began to eat.

“Thank you. Only a poor artist blames his tools” Takemura smiled at your compliment.

“Can’t argue with that” you chuckled.

“I don’t think we started on the same page, I first planned on bringing you to Yorinobu as his father’s killer but then he confirmed my suspicions that he had committed parricide. So, I saved your life and asked you to act as a witness to his death” Takemura spoke, confusing you slightly.

“Yeah, I know. I was there, remember?” you cocked an eyebrow at him, wondering where this was going.

“I am trying to say something” he confessed with a small sigh.

“Sorry, continue” you apologised, letting him speak.

“We agreed that we had mutual interests and could help each other, but I think you can agree that we have formed something more than a mutually beneficial arrangement” you tried not to be amused by the way he spoke, by how formal he sounded.

“Are you trying to say that we’re friends?” you asked, “if so, then I do agree.”

“Yes, we are friends” Takemura nodded, the slight awkwardness of his speech making you smile fondly. “Though, there is something else I felt I should discuss with you” he admitted.

“You’ve gone very formal. More so than usual” you informed him, not sure if he was aware of it.

“I’m sorry” he apologised, making you smile some more.

“It’s fine” you assured him. “So, what is it that you wanted to ‘discuss’ with me?” you asked.

��I seem to have developed more than feelings of friendship for you” Takemura confessed, surprising you yet again.

“You mean…you have feelings for me?” you asked to clarify.

“Yes” Goro nodded, “I do not know how you feel but I thought I should tell you.”

“Well, I…I feel the same way and I should have told you earlier” you confessed, cursing the light blush that formed on your cheeks. You hadn’t expected the day to take this turn. “Hold on, if you feel that way, why were you so insistent on moving out of my apartment and to…here” you asked, glancing around the grimy apartment.

“I wasn’t sure how you felt and if you did not return my feelings, I didn’t want you feeling uncomfortable with me being there” Takemura explained honestly.

“That’s…actually very sweet but clearly you had nothing to worry about” you pointed out with a smile.

“It appears so” he nodded.  

“Goro, will you just come back to the apartment? I know it’s not great but it’s better than here” you asked with a sigh. You hated seeing him here, it was miserable and dangerous.

“Perhaps I moved prematurely” he hummed in agreement.

“You moved thinking you would save me discomfort, it’s sweet but…” your words drifted off as you tried to think of the right way to phrase it.

“…but this place is not suitable for anyone” Takemura finished your sentence for you.

“Exactly” you nodded.

“I will come back” he agreed.

“Good” you let out a sigh of relief, both because you would get to see him more often again and because he was getting out of here.

“Is the new apartment really that bad?” Takemura asked sarcastically, and you just gave him an unamused expression in response that made him laugh. Yes, it really was that bad. “I believe this is the beginning of something wonderful” he told you with a charming smile, referring to what the two of you had between you.

“There is still a lot left up in the air” you reminded him, looking down at your food.

“I know but I’m optimistic that we’ll find the answers we need” Takemura claimed but you looked unsure. “V, you have done nothing but surprise and impress me since we met. I have no doubt that if anyone can right the wrongs you have faced, it is you” he encouraged, reaching over and placed his hand over yours.

“Thanks, Goro” you smiled softly, turning your hand over to hold his, feeling his thumb brush against the back of your hand as he smiled at you.

Maybe he was right, there were still leads to follow, there had been development that managed to give you hope. Maybe you could find solutions, and maybe you could do it together.

After dinner, you helped Takemura collect his belongings before heading back to your apartment. Once you arrived at your apartment, he unpacked his things, hanging up his clothes in your closet, and making himself at home just like you had told him to do.  

“I’m going to shower” you spoke up.

“I’ll shower afterwards” Takemura nodded, definitely feeling the need to have one after staying in that dingy apartment even if only for a few days.

You stepped into the bathroom, showering, drying your hair, and dressing in comfortable clothes before returning to the main room. You opened the door and stepped out, jumping a little as you bumped into Takemura.

“Sorry” you apologised, laughing a little as you looked up at him.

Goro just smiled as he lifted his hand, gently tucking your hair behind your ear before leaning down to press his lips to yours. The gesture was a little surprising, but you wouldn’t lie, you had been waiting for it to happen. He had shared his feelings for you, and you had returned them, but he never made a move to kiss you, so you had been waiting for the moment to be right. Now, he must have decided that it was.

“Took your time with that” you teased as he pulled away from the kiss. Takemura just chuckled and shook his head at you before stepping past you and into the bathroom.

“About time!” you turned to see Johnny lounging on your couch.

“Shut up, Johnny” you rolled your eyes but still smiled as he winked at you before disappearing again.

When Takemura came back out of the bathroom, you were sitting on the bed, yawning to yourself.

“Do you want me to take the couch?” Goro asked politely.

“You don’t need to sleep on the couch” you shook your head, smiling at him.

He returned your smile before walking over and joining you on the bed, you shifting over towards the wall to give him space. Just as you felt bad about him staying in that other apartment, you felt bad for making him sleep on the couch, at least now you could offer him some more comfort in your home.

You lay down and made yourself comfortable as he switched off the light. You weren’t exactly sure how comfortable he was with sharing a bed, so you just rolled onto your side, facing away from him and tried to get some sleep. You felt Goro shift behind you as he made himself comfortable, a smile forming on your face as you felt his arm wrap around your waist, his chest making contact with your back. You could tell that he was trying to read your comfort level as well, so you relaxed against him to reassure him.

“Night, Goro”

“Goodnight, V” 

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 24 - If You Want Me... 

Masterlist; Chapter 23

Summary: Tension reaches its boiling point when you overhear an unfortunate conversation. With unexpected allies, you attempt to break the impasse once and for all.

Warnings: ANGST (still but... well you’ll see ;)); at few points R! is being a little dramatic which can be triggering if you’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts (nothing too bad though); swearing.

Author’s Notes: Finally! It’s been a wild ride... and god am I happy i’ve managed. This part took a lot of effort but I quite like what I came up with... even if sometimes it gets too angsty. Can’t wait for what’s coming next, however... :)))) Hope you enjoy and all feedback is always appreciated! <3 

The shooting range on the icebreaker was a strange place. It occupied a large proportion of the deck floor in the accommodation part of the ship, next to the turnstile and sparring grounds. With darkness swallowing every corner that was not lit up by the blinking fluorescents, it was a perfect place to hide. Soon it became your go-to solace when things got difficult, and the only other idea you could come up with involved going outside without the oxygen mask attached. You did not want to go that far. Yet. Target practice became your favourite occupation. It was simple and did not involve talking to people that could give you worrying looks or comment on the dark circles underneath your eyes. Sleep was no longer a thing, with you catching three-hour-long naps at best, in between never-ending worrying and staring at the ceiling, reminiscing the past. The constant headaches were something you soldiered through, accepting them as a part of reality. The worst part of that new life was the fact that you and Neil stopped talking to each other altogether. Not even empty pleasantries could get through the stone-cold awkwardness and tension capable of killing you before the heartache would. After a day of near-misses and horrifying mistakes that culminated with you accidentally spilling boiling water all over the sweater when Neil entered the galley, you both mastered the art of hiding. You only saw him once afterwards, sitting at the table in the corner of the canteen. That was almost two days ago, and you were thankful.

Once you went through the assigned daily rounds, you moved onto the task of cleaning the guns and rifles. Polishing the metal cases and arranging the bullets was as close to therapy as it could get. With the repetitive action occupying your brain, there was no time to get emotional over things you could not change. Only at the shooting range, you did not feel so utterly hopeless. So terribly unloved. A sudden noise by the airlock made you look up. Conveniently the air in the range was sealed so that you need not to worry about oxygen masks during the target practice. It also meant you got approximately five seconds warning to check the identity of the intruder. This time you were surprised.

“Hi, Y/N. Thought I’d find you here” TP’s dark gaze slid over you cautiously.

Taking off the mask, he joined you at the makeshift table, looking at the arsenal you have spread over the surface. You eyed him with curiosity. That was unexpected. So far, he has never interacted with you outside of the meetings. And every time he did, you could not stop thinking about how much he knew. Who did he see when he looked at you?

“Afternoon” shaking off the reverie, you offered him a tight smile, “Is it afternoon?” glancing at the watch, you grimaced, “Oh,”

The last time you checked, it was 3 pm. The blue numbers on your wrist were mercilessly ticking away. 8:30 pm. How the fuck. TP caught your silent crisis as he asked:

“How long have you been down here?” looking up, you encountered a glimmer of worry in his eyes.

Interesting.

“Umm, five hours?” it felt like the best estimate.

It was probably longer. But he need not know that.

“Jesus,” wincing, he directed his taxing gaze back onto you, “When was the last time you had food?” tone strictly business.

The truth was that you did not remember. With everything falling apart and losing meaning, food became an afterthought. Half the time you would realise you only had one meal around 1 am, forcing you to tiptoe to the kitchen and grab something from the cupboard. A hungry stomach was nothing compared to all the other issues. It could be ignored.

“Breakfast. I’m not hungry though,” brushing off the concern you chose defiance, “Is this an interrogation?” you arched one eyebrow and cocked the gun you have wiped clean.

TP snorted at your comedic timing.

“No, I come here in peace” he raised his hands in defeat and added, “To see if you’re… alright” the hesitation made you scoff.

“You know that I’m not. Because things are generally far from alright,” letting annoyance slip into the sentence, you let go of the tools and met his gaze with coldness.

The deepening frown was concerning. You were being unfair. After all, it was not him who has caused all this pain. Remorse nipped at your heart as you sighed heavily.

“Sorry, that was unnecessary,” he accepted your apologetic smile with a nod, giving the courage to continue, “And I’m also sorry that you all have to witness that mess in the meetings. I’d rather it stayed between him and me... but he seems to disagree” you shrugged.

Sometimes you did wonder why Neil seemed so intent on making your arguments a public spectacle. Whether that was a part of the intricate plan to make you look like an idiot or a result of his emotions boiling over. Not that it mattered. Everyone on the team knew what the deal was anyway. A poor, naïve you, desperately in love with someone who could not care less. Nothing out of the ordinary. Judging by TP’s passing frown, for him too the topic was rather uncomfortable. He took a long moment to respond, looking for answers in the rows of bullets you have arranged on the table.

“Not going to lie, it’s awkward, but at least I know what’s going on, and I can offer to listen” he met your gaze with newly found determination.

Okay… Confiding in TP was quite low on the list of things you expected to have the opportunity of doing. But then so was having to convince Neil not to get himself killed for the sake of the operation. Anything goes.

“Aren’t you taking a side?” that suspicious voice in your head was difficult to get rid of, “Agreeing with him that I’m stupid, emotional, and overall a burden?” you recited the memorized litany of epithets with a stone-cold expression.

The words have lost their meanings after you have put them apart in the quiet of your mind. Now they were just sounds, incapable of inflicting pain. It was the least that could be done.

“He went too far with that” TP winced, his eyes expressing traces of disapproval, “I might not know you well, but you’re none of these things,” a sympathetic smile softening the tone.

An open hand. An olive branch. Why not? Taking a deep breath, you got ready to open up before the most unexpecting of allies.

“In a way, he was right though…” you looked down, trying to find the needed strength, “I am stupid because I have allowed myself to care too much for him” there it is, “And now I’m paying for it” when you met his eyes again, you found nothing but thoughtfulness.

It was something you thought about often as well. The fact that Neil was right, you did care, and that it was perhaps the reason for your demise. But who could blame you for falling for the bastard looking like the devil? And equally charming too.

“Maybe it’s a little too forward, but-” TP’s tentative tone made you grin.

In moments like this, you acutely remembered that he was still a rookie. Not used to the half-truths and strange tenets you accepted as your credo. His innocence was adorable even.

“In this profession, a it’s sometimes nice to say the truth. Shoot away” you waved your hand dismissively, anticipating the question.

There is a first time for everything.

“Fair point” he mirrored your smile before asking, “Do you love him?”

Plain and simple. Ignoring the panic, you took a moment to ponder the answer. It was… obvious. You told Neil as much twice before, and no amount of pretending and lies could ever undo it. The words were his. Just as you were. Unfortunately.

“I’d want to say no, that I got over it, but… Yes, I do,” you offered the answer with a helpless frown, “Think any idiot can see it” noticing a hint of embarrassment briefly you patted TP’s shoulder, “No matter how much he hurts me, I always find myself wishing things could be… like they once were”

Whatever that meant. In truth, you wanted more. You wanted to wake up next to him every morning. You wanted affirmations of love every day as you tasted his coffee-stained lips. You wanted to lie in his embrace, feeling desired and loved. But most of all, you wanted to be able to lace up your fingers with his, following the instincts that became your second nature. To card your fingers through his silky golden strands and to give him everything he would desire. You wanted to be his. He was supposed to be yours. Or was the universe wrong?

Thoughts of that kind could be lethal. Shaking yourself awake, you met TP’s eyes. Apart from the lack of surprise at your admission, you noticed something strange. A passing realization. As though he has heard something similar before but was afraid to speak up. Once again, you found yourself wondering what Neil told him. What did he mean by ‘things you and I should explain to each other’? For a moment, you wanted to jump head in and ask. But what good would knowing the truth be when you could not act on it? As though aware of your increasing dilemma, the man spoke up again.

“I’m sorry for Oslo” your eyes widened at the reminder.

“Why?” blurting out the question, you eyed him cautiously.

The deepening discomfort radiating off him confirmed your assumptions. That was it. He knew what nearly happened that night. And he was flustered about his role in it. That was not the conversation you ever expected to have.

“I can’t help but think that maybe if I hadn’t… interrupted you, it would’ve-” he stumbled over the sentence somewhat endearingly.

Perhaps it was the lack of care that made you say the next words. Or maybe just the fact that nothing mattered anymore, and so who could judge you for the purest form of honesty.

“Doubt it,” interrupting him with a sour smile, you added, “Maybe it’s good you knocked then… Least he doesn’t have absolutely everything” noticing the alarm painted on TP’s face, you blushed.

Yep, too far. Still true, however.

“I’m sorry, you didn’t have to know that much” you brushed off the sudden awkwardness with a sincere apology.

“I can pretend I’ve never heard it” it was his turn to give a reassuring shoulder squeeze.

You could feel the strange companionship forming. Sure you did not mind. Relaxing back in the chair, you spoke up:

“Thanks,” as TP also visibly reclined, you brought up the thought that was not letting go of your mind, “I don’t know how much he has told you about… this,” gesturing vaguely, you bit your lip.

Somehow you knew that he would not betray Neil by sharing with you everything that has been said. But even crumbs would do…

“Quite a bit,” you watched him closely, intrigued by the hesitation, “Enough for me to know that you’re someone I can trust and that he had reasons to be acting that happy in Tallinn before the action” oh.

That painful pang in your heart was heart to ignore. You winced, feeling the steady gaze fixed on your face. The analysis was mutual. Neil, happy, back in Tallinn. Because of you. You have lost too much.

“What do you mean?” treading carefully, you asked the safest of questions.

A small smile on his face showed you just how obvious you were. Lovesick idiot.

“Hours he has spent texting someone, phone calls he would pick up instantly and then come back grinning like a madman” TP offered you examples with a glimmer in his eyes “It only clicked when we were inverting, and I asked him about you” the blush on your cheeks deepened under his taxing gaze “Suddenly all of that made sense if you were in Estonia with us” he shrugged, finishing the thought.

Oh my god. While you experienced it all firsthand during those chaotic yet hopeful days in the safehouse when everything seemed to have infinite potential, hearing about it from someone else’s perspective felt strange. Almost like a slap in the face. Because it only confirmed what you knew – he once loved you. Once.

“Well, it seems like he has changed his mind…” you muttered, feeling the resentment settle in.

You wondered whether one day it would stop hurting. If you could ever get over this and find someone else. That darkest part of your brain knew the answer well enough. Nothing could come close. And nothing ever would.

“Or he’s just an idiot” the cheeriness felt forced.

But judging by the way TP was staring at you, you could tell it was his attempt at dispersing the sudden melancholy. It was strange to see him worried about you of all people. Perhaps your shit attempts at diverting everyone’s attention from your declining mentality were failing. And that was a reason to be concerned.

“That too,” plastering on an unconvincing smile, you stifled a yawn.

That caught his attention.

“You should get some rest” upon further thought, he added, “And food,”

The intensity of his look was stifling. You hated being the centre of attention. Especially in moments like this when you felt vulnerable, an object of pity and unease. Stupid, weak, and useless. The sabotaging voice came out in full force, making you want nothing but to curl up in bed and disappear. Not yet, however.

“Yes, sir” you raised your hand in mock salute.

Your face fell when instead of a laugh, you got a frown in response. Oopsie.

“I’m serious” TP seemed to consider something quickly before placing his hand on your forearm, “I’m… I’ve been a little worried about you” he met your eyes with a clear purpose.

Shit. That is exactly what you wanted to avoid. Being seen as pathetic and a burden. Internally, you cursed yourself for not being strong enough. For letting anyone see the cracks. You would not let them see you shatter into pieces.

“I’m doing fine,” mustering the happiest of grins, you tried to mask the urgency.

Please buy the bullshit.

“Are you?” he didn’t. Before your brain could fully arrive at the panic station, his inquisitive expression softened. You held his gaze for a beat, hoping to convey everything. Hoping to convince him to let the conversation go. It worked for TP gave a final taxing look before backing off. You exhaled slowly, relaxing a little. Maybe the worst was over…

“Before we go… there’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about…” TP changed the subject, looking down at the table “The lock. You want to go with him”

It was not exactly a question, yet you knew he expected an answer. That one you could easily give him. It was obvious, even if you have never said it out loud. Up till now.

“Yes... Maybe it is an impulsive and stupid thing to do, but I can’t let him do it alone. I can’t let him get killed” the word felt foreign in your mouth.

As though ‘Neil’ and ‘death’ were two irrelevant concepts that did not fit together even in theory. They could not. You would not allow it. And you were willing to accept the worst of risks to make sure it would not happen. Hell, you would even fight against fate and time to assure that.

“I’d rather avoid that too” TP’s quiet comment made you look up, “He deserves so much more than…” there was something startling in his gaze.

As though he has stopped himself before saying too much. Much more than what? And why was he looking at you like that? Like you were missing something tragic, and his heart was breaking for your loss. You felt like going insane. TP cleared his throat awkwardly, resuming the conversation, not at all fluently:

“I don’t buy the whole ‘what’s happened, happened’. What does that even mean?” the irritation shining through his strange tone was distracting.

“Don’t ask me,” you shrugged, “I like to think there’s a different solution to this. One that doesn’t involve Neil sacrificing himself. And I need to be there with him because if it comes to it… I’d take that bullet for him” you did not know where the honesty came from.

Or why you would admit something that fundamental to TP. His response was just as anticipated – a gasp and widened eyes. Nibbling on your lower lip, you broke the eye contact and chose to stare at the forgotten gun lying on the table. It was the truth, so why did admitting it feel so… radical?

“Are you sure?” when he found his voice again, it was hoarse.

“It’s that kind of love,” you replied, still unable to meet his gaze.

You never expected to reveal yourself like that to TP. Wheeler? Maybe. Even Kat seemed like a probable option, but not the boss himself. And especially not at this stage of his story. Yet he was there, willing to listen, and that was enough. You would deal with the consequences later, in your mind that would undoubtedly rebel against such a display of fragility.

“I don’t want it to sound patronizing… but you’re still young. There might be someone else for you along the line if Neil-” his voice broke through your reverie as you interrupted him with a start.

“I know” finally, you raised your head again, showing the sincerity of expression, “But something tells me it’s him or nothing. Call it fate or insanity” biting back a dry chuckle, you felt a single tear form in the corner of your eye.

That was something you have spent most of the time thinking about. At the start, you desperately wanted to believe that you would get over this. That it was just another disappointment, and like before, eventually you would forget about those blue eyes and maniacal grin. But your heart knew better, constantly reminding you that it was not that simple. That Neil was not someone you just forget. Because how could you?

“Reality?” TP’s eyes were filled with thoughtfulness.

“Perhaps,” you cracked a smile, feeling heaviness in your heart lift by an inch.

Always something. Another yawn ended the delicate moment seconds later, making you scowl in annoyance. What was the point of tiredness when you could not even rest properly? TP laughed at your pained expression and got up:

“Now, you into the kitchen. And try to get some sleep” he offered you a hand which you took and stood up.

“I’ll try” a lie, “Thank you… for checking in and listening” sheepishly, you tried to find any words of gratitude.

“I owed you that after those hours in Oslo, filled with plans, coffees, and awful songs you’d sing to entertain us” the knowing smirk suggested that he did remember what you hoped would be forever forgotten.

MTV in Norwegian. Your knackered brain deciding that singing along to ‘Like a Virgin’ and ABBA was what had to be done to make everyone smile. Mistakes have been made.

“Don’t remind me,” TP laughed as you smacked him on the shoulder.

*** You did not sleep after you bid goodbye to TP. That night too was spent tossing and turning in bed, thinking about how everything could have crumbled so quickly. It has only been weeks since Tallinn. In fact, looking from the linear point of view, it has not even happened yet. The normal you have been enjoying the confusion of those days before Oslo when everything was difficult yet hopeful. Too good to be true, at times. Well, now you knew that those moments never lasted too long.

The next morning you quickly grabbed breakfast and sneaked into the sparring area, hoping to catch a few minutes with the punching bag before the troops would take over space. However, that day it was not meant to be.

You heard the voices as soon as you opened the airlock and entered the large room. It was divided into a few sections, each devoted to a different training exercise. To your advantage, each was also separated with a thin plastic screen. Cautiously, you approached the nearest divider, trying to determine whether your mind was not playing any tricks. After one second, you knew. TP and Neil were having a rather heated conversation on the other side of the screen. A sparring ground was the place you least expected to encounter them. And yet… You wanted to turn away and leave before more damage could be done, but the moment you heard the boss’s voice, you froze on the spot:

“Why are you so hard on her?” TP’s question rung out clear in the highly domed room “The only crime she has committed was falling in love with you. I don’t think that’s worth all that pain you’re inflicting”

There was no doubt as to who he meant. Your heart sank. Oh my god. On one hand, it was encouraging to know someone was fighting for your side and pointing out the unnecessary torture Neil was so keen on. But the fact that they were discussing the nature of your feelings was terrifying. Listening on felt wrong, yet you could not move away.

“It would be better for her if she hadn’t” Neil’s cold tone made your blood turn to ice.

There was something frightening in how distant he sounded. As though he was nothing like the man you fell in love with, only a cold impostor that borrowed his face and voice. He was right.

“Why? You told me that you love-” TP’s voice rose, incredulity tinging every single word.

Neil told him his feelings. You expected that, and it still felt like a punch. You leaned on the wall for support.

“It doesn’t matter what I said” the biting edge to Neil’s voice was new, “Or how I feel. The sooner she gets over it, the better for all of us” he threw it without caution, as though he was done with your bullshit.

With the fact that you were stupid enough to love him. He did not want your love. Never did. The crushing weight on your chest would not give way.

“You’re cruel” TP was surprised, as though he could not believe what he was hearing.

“That’s mercy” Neil was begging for the conversation to be over, “Cruelty would be letting her entertain the idea that we can...” he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

Christ. All those nights spent wishing for answers, and when they came you wanted to forget you ever heard it. It was foolish to believe anything could ever happen between you.

“But why? Neil, you are in love with her” TP raised his voice yet again, utterly done with whatever the blonde bastard was doing.

You could not care less. Nothing mattered anymore. But you did not expect the very next punch. Or the pain you would feel.

“I’m not” clear-cut rejection; nothing to interpret “I don’t love her. There’s no need to look at me like I’m a monster”

Enough. You heard enough. The pain was as bad as ever as you walked away. Your mind set on one simple thing - tea. Yes, that would solve it.

*** Going to the galley felt as though you were stuck within a dream you could not shake off. Half-aware of your surroundings, you nearly walked into Dominic, whose survival instincts kept him off your path. Muttering apologies, you undid the zip lock and sauntered into the kitchen without a care in the world. With a start, you noticed Kat sat at the table. She gave you a welcoming half-smile as she sipped the tea from the metal cup. Your autopilot stuttered, overwhelmed by the company. Blocking off any attempts at thinking, you followed the muscle memory. Setting the kettle on. Putting teabag into the mug. Earl Grey because it reminded you of those morning kisses in London. No. Wrong memory. You shook your head, waiting for the water to boil. The fridge was too loud, the buzz making thoughts appear. Sighing, you leaned on the counter. Your eyes were burning, the sensation increasing with every single blink. It was alright. So why did it feel like the world was ending?

The kettle switched off. Without sparing a single thought to the reality, you poured the water in, watching with fascination as the teabag floated up. Kat’s spoon let out a clink as she placed it on the edge of the plate. You jumped up, startled. That was enough to break through your carefully woven barrier. The thoughts came rushing in. Neil didn’t love you. Your chest tightened as the next breath came out strained. The air was gone. Your hands shook as you tried to take out the teabag. Fuck. Everything was over. A single gasp was all you could manage before you shattered. The tears fell down your cheeks in a steady stream, blurring everything with tragedy. Choked sobs shook your frame as you desperately tried to hold on. To sanity. To reality. Anything to make the pain go away. But it would not disappear, only getting stronger. As though through the glass, you could hear someone say your name. Voice tinted with worry and urgency. But you did not care. The sobs turned into a howl as you slid down to the floor. The sounds coming from your throat sounded foreign and harsh, tearing at your vocal cords mercilessly. Oh my god. That was the break you always feared. There was no end to tears falling down your cheeks onto the floor and beneath your shirt. Slowly breathing became almost impossible, forcing out those pathetic half sniffles that only made everything worse. You wanted to do something. Anything. To make it stop. To forget. To lose the ability to feel things. Your fingers clawed at nothingness, barely losing against the desire to make all that internal pain physical. By any means necessary. Because then at least you could blame it on something concrete. And not just heartbreak. A word you despised because it sounded weak. Stupid. Easily avoidable for everyone but not you. A lost cause. A failure.

“Hey…” warm fingers gently touched your shoulder.

You raised your head. The pounding headache and lack of oxygen, making everything seem twice as difficult. Kat’s blue eyes bore into yours with concern. You have made quite the show. Self-preservation told you to get up and leave, save yourself some shame. But you would not even know where to go. Or what to do. You did not trust yourself to make reasonable choices.

“Are you alright?” Kat’s voice brought you back to the present moment.

An anchor. Maybe this could work… She was still eyeing you closely, unsure about how to act but wanting to be helpful.

“Mmmm no,” you sent her a broken smile, grateful for the handkerchief she handed, “But it’s okay. Sorry about this. I didn’t mean to-” you gestured vaguely, knowing she would catch on.

Tears were still flowing steady, threatening with dehydration should this continue. But at least the wailing subsided to quiet sobs interrupting your sentence every few words.

“Don’t apologise, we all break sometimes,” Kat squeezed your shoulder, joining you on the floor, “Do you want to talk about it?”

It was tempting. Even if terrifying. But you felt like maybe she could be the listener you needed. Someone objective enough, without any ties to Neil or you. Someone safe to confide in that would keep your secrets in safekeeping. But…

“What if someone comes in?” grasping the most idiotic of excuses, you glanced at the airlock with apprehension.

You could just about imagine what would have happened should Neil walk in during your conversation. Your heart would not take it.

“We’ll just tell them to leave,” Kat’s cheeky tone made you turn to her, “I think they’re all a little afraid of me for some reason,” she added, with a small smirk.

She crossed her long legs and sat next to you with both your backs supported by the cupboard doors.

“As they should be,” you replied, feeling strangely at ease, considering everything.

That spark in her eyes was worth the stress over being too forward for someone you barely knew.

“So…” she nudged you with her shoulder as further encouragement.

There was no more escaping it. You took a deep breath, urging your heart to stay strong. Words started spilling out without sense or order.

“Is just... the world is potentially ending in a few days, and here I am crying over the fact that someone doesn’t love me” your throat contracted upon the word as though it was forbidden “I should’ve known better. He never could want someone like me because why would he” more tears as you realised the ultimate truth “I’m not extraordinary. It all feels so stupid, pathetic. But I can’t get over it because I still love him. And I don’t know how to stop” you finished the rant on a sob that forced you to cover your face with your hands.

There it was. Out in the open. You wondered how you could have ever been naïve enough to think your feelings could be reciprocated. For him, it was just a crush. Amplified by the troubles you had to face and the recent difficulties. Nothing more. You were conveniently there when he needed someone to lean on. But if it came to it, he would never choose you.

“It’s about Neil, isn’t it?” something in her voice made you meet her gaze.

You were that obvious, huh? A panicked thought convinced you that everyone on the bloody ship knew about your weakness for the blonde bastard. Yes, even that mess sergeant that always gave you a sorry smile when you approached the counter at mealtimes. Before you could spiral down another wretched rabbit hole, you asked the most innocent of questions:

“How do you know?”

There was no point in trying to convince Kat she got it wrong. She seemed to consider something for a moment before she looked at you with newly found resilience:

“Let me tell you a story,”

You quirked your eyebrow, confused and intrigued. Might as well… Nodding at her silent question, you rested your head against the cupboard. Dried tears tinged your chapped lips with salt.

“When we were in Oslo, staying in a hotel for two nights, TP went out, and Neil stayed with me” she set up the scene with a neutral tone, “We talked a lot about everything really. He asked me about Andrei...” you glanced at Kat, noticing a passing grimace, “Normally I would shut off, but there was that calm curiosity about him, and I didn’t mind saying too much” she admitted with a sheepish smile.

You knew the feeling well, always telling Neil too much because he was such an excellent listener. Confiding even the darkest of secrets and thoughts never felt like anything significant when he reacted with that same confidence and acceptance. That was one of the reasons why the fall was unavoidable.

“Neil has that sort of effect on people,” you returned her smile, shrugging slightly.

Kat patted your hand gently, noting the look on your face. The infatuation and yearning you could not get rid of whenever you did as much as spare a thought towards him.

“I can tell... the point is that he mentioned you, as well” your eyes widened as she paused, “His friend, as he referred to you but not without stumbling over the word a little” she grinned upon your struck expression, “He told me about your role in this. That you’re an asset, excellent sharpshooter, brave as hell and equally reckless at times” my god

You blushed, feeling Kat’s taxing gaze. Friend? Suppose that’s one way of introducing you to people. It was fascinating to know that even after the mess of Tallinn, Neil valued your contributions to the mission. That he would mention you to anyone. Favourably, at that.

“Sounds about right,” frowning, you pondered the implications of her words, “So you knew who I was that morning on the bridge?” the sudden realisation felt refreshing.

That explained her looks directed at you and Neil back then. The visible consternation about the matter of your relationship.

“Yes, it clicked pretty quickly” upon your perplexed gaze, she picked up the story, “I could tell that there was more underneath all the praise. There was that longing in his eyes and a spark that lit up only for you,” Kat added, smiling as you gasped, “I asked whether love was allowed in your line of business” there was boldness in her eyes that made your heart clench. Something important was coming, “He said yes, but it’s dangerous and best avoided. Only that’s not always possible. Sometimes it gets you, and before you realise you can’t breathe another word without missing that one essential person. Your heart doesn’t belong to you anymore, and nothing can be done” oh my god.

You stared at the floor as her words sunk in. It felt surreal, as though you have wandered into a dream. A good one. But dreams could only last so long… Shaking off the haze, you glanced at the woman sat next to you. She was observing you with an enigmatic smirk gracing her features.

“He said that?” your voice came out raspy.

Just a clarification. In case you have misunderstood. But Kat was not surprised.

“Yes,” she nodded, that same sympathetic expression on her face, “Considering what I’ve seen with you and him... there’s only one person he could’ve meant” your heart dropped, as though unused to the idea “I understood it that morning on the bridge when despite the awkwardness, he was willing to defy everyone else for your sake”

Your mind wandered back. Neil’s constant presence by your side, his hand touching the small of your back and then staying there for longer than necessary. His support and trust placed in your hands without hesitation. Right now, even something that insignificant felt unattainable. But it did happen. Could it be that he meant you? Unable to withstand the whirlwind of emotions, you stood up. Pacing in the tiny room, a protest came up, spilling out of your mouth:

“But I just heard him tell TP that he doesn’t love me” you swallowed hard as the reminder of the reality hit.

It was one thing to know it. Another to put it into words once again. You felt like screaming, demanding answers from the main culprit of this whole mess. But it was too dangerous. Another heartbreak could be lethal in its consequences.

“Sometimes we lie to ourselves to save the pain” the quiet certainty of Kat’s voice kept you grounded.

It felt risky to believe that he was pushing you away out of fear. But what if… No. You met her inquisitive gaze, hoping to convey the confusion and desperation. She must have understood for she added:

“He’s still coming to check up on me every evening, and the last two days he’s been a little… strange” the meaningful pause felt like bait.

One that you did not hesitate to take.

“How do you mean?” stopping mindless trotting, you sat down on the stool.

“Quiet, wistful, as though something was troubling him, threatening to spill out if he wasn’t too careful” a long taxing look; it sounded familiar, “Trust me, I don’t mean to give you false hope, I just thought you should know that before deciding on any further action” Kat got up and approached you.

Placing a hand on your shoulder, she squeezed it. You felt immensely grateful. Even if a little speechless… Because all of that was a lot to take in. You desperately needed a long afternoon spent in bed, staring at the ceiling and processing the eventful morning. Was it still morning?

“It means a lot, I’m not sure how I could repay you” finding the words again, you gave her a helpless smile.

“Just try to be happy. And don’t give up on things that seem too good to be true. Sometimes those are most worth keeping around” the depth of melancholy in her eyes was startling, “What will you do now?” the tentative tone assured you of the intent behind the question.

It was Kat’s way of saying: don’t do anything stupid. You could not promise that to anyone. The wounds were too fresh; emotions barely kept under control. Anything could happen. But you did not want to alarm her.

“I’m not sure. Think, probably” an unconvincing nonchalance had to do, as unprecedented honesty took voice “But I’m beginning to realise that if I won’t be able to… have him… I’ll just let him be. He deserves the best more than anybody else” you finished the thought and met her eyes.

A passing shock you found there was intriguing. As though your words reminded her of something, and she needed an additional moment to recover. God knows what sort of secrets everybody held on this god-forsaken ship… If the weight of the past and the unsaid could sink boats, it would have been long over. For everyone.

*** You thanked the gods (and Ives) for letting the topic of the lock wait out a little longer. Instead, the next morning’s meeting concerned the splinter unit, the who, and the how. As a result for once, no voice has been raised throughout the two hours spent on the bridge. Nothing much has been decided, but you did not mind. The burden of the last few days rested on your shoulders, preventing sleep or any form of relaxation. The word ‘tired’ did not even begin to describe it. But duties had to be put ahead of any personal issues and so you took part in the confab as usual. Seeing Neil after everything felt like a stab straight in the heart. His silence and the complete lack of acknowledgment of your existence were the added twist of the hilt.

The moment the meeting was over, you bolted out of the door in desperate need of fresh air. It was bound to rain later as the entire deck was covered in strange puddles that formed out of nothing. Perks of inversion and all that. Lost in thoughts concerning the locks, blonde bastards, and the torture of love as a concept and a feeling, you forgot about the golden rule of inverted rainfalls in the making – caution upon stepping on the wet surfaces. Turning around the corner, your foot slipped. Fuck. All you could do was flail your hands helplessly while praying that the fall will not be painful and that it will not detach the oxygen tank. Suffocation was not the death of your choice.

Suddenly the fall was interrupted with a strong grip on your waist. Hands pulling you upright, back to standing. The hold felt familiar. And forbidden. Turning to face the saviour, you were struck by the sight of the blue eyes that haunted your every waking hour. Every dream too. He was close, with hands wrapped around your waist securely. Somehow this felt worse than the fall. You half expected Neil to let go any second now, step away and yell at you for being clumsy. Or maybe just for existing. But he was still there. One of his hands slipped down onto your hip. Speechless, you kept on gazing into his eyes, trying to understand what was going on. All you could see was increasing the confusion. Desire. The boundless depths were drawing you in. Neil pulled you closer. Something in his face made you believe that if it was not for the oxygen masks, he would have kissed you. His gaze roamed across your features, intense, relentless, as though he could never have enough of you. It felt like being stripped bare, left exposed and vulnerable. Despite trying, you were unable to put up a guard, showing him all that he was not supposed to know instead. Everything you tried to hide and deny, bury deep inside so it could be forgotten. Well not anymore… Whatever Neil saw in your eyes woke him up. You noticed a passing frown, replaced with increasing shock. And then horror. What the hell. Before you could even process what happened, he let go and took a hasty step back. He looked sick, pale with fear and panic. Then, just as you tried to find any relevant words, Neil spoke:

“Be more careful next time,” cold and curt as though nothing happened.

He walked off briskly, disappearing into the darkness of the training grounds. What the fuck? A single drop flew up from the deck, splashing onto your chin. The rain has begun. You felt strange. Suddenly mourning the fact that you have been saved from suffocation. It would have been simpler. Less painful. Less terrifying.

*** No matter the hours passing by, or the thousands of different grounding techniques you have attempted, nothing was helping. Lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, you wanted a multitude of things. To get blackout drunk in the hope of forgetting this morning ever happened. (You checked the galley, utterly disappointed to have found nothing with the necessary voltage). You wanted to talk to someone, briefly considering visiting Kat further down the corridor. But that would have meant being even more vulnerable. And a burden. So nope. At one point, you once again considered marching outside without the mask, letting the inverted lung membranes and fucked up rain do the rest. But you did not want to end the life itself. That was not all that bad. You liked your job, the various people you have met along the way. It was only that the current predicament was… unbearable. There had to be a different option.

Then mindless pacing replaced the stillness of lying down. Window, door, and back again. To be repeated for at least an hour. Your thoughts swirling around everything that has been said. Everything that happened. Kat’s story. The look in Neil’s eyes. What if… what if? The unknowns kept multiplying in your head, driving you insane with the extent of what you did not understand. You always hated those moments of suspense. Unsure whether to give up, let go and try to move on, or to keep trying, hoping. Your heart could never process them well without breaking and shattering into millions of pieces. Fuck.

There was one way out of it. One that you tried to push to the back of your head for the few past hours because it was too terrifying. But you were slowly running out of alternatives. One look out of the window told you that you had spent at least six hours like this. It would not do. It was either him or nothing. But you could not survive the insufferable without knowing which one it was. Taking a deep breath, you stopped in the middle of the cabin. This is it. You knew what had to be done. You put on the sweater as though in a trance, making sure to repeat silly affirmations in the quiet of your mind. It had to be alright. If it wasn’t, there were always the seals left…

The walk down the short corridor felt like ascending the steps to the guillotine. Only whatever might happen could be worse than beheading. Your hand shook as you rapped on the door to Neil’s cabin. The sound felt like the worst mistake you ever made. It was too late to turn back. After a very long moment, you heard shuffling inside. When the door opened, you were shocked by a few observations all at once. Neil’s eyes were reddened, hair in absolute disarray. When he realised that you were the intruder, his hands automatically went to smooth the strands in some way. Making even more mess in the process. In any different situation, you would have found that endearing. But your heart was too heavy. You eyed him instantaneously, gaze slipping over the fitting black thermal shirt and the joggers with narrowed cuffs. Not helpful. As you glanced back at his face, you noticed the intensifying confusion. That was the chance to speak…

“Can I come in?” a tentative start to make him more likely to agree.

The shock in his blue eyes slowly changed into careful curiosity. Neil gave you a once-over before opening the door wider and stepping back.

“Of course. Friends are allowed to visit each other” a hint of impatience as though he already had enough.

But that was not the most infuriating bit…

“Friends?” you crossed the threshold and met his eyes with the face of stone, “Sure, that’s one way of looking at what we are” the lack of reaction was inspiring, “Or were” you took a look around his room.

Equally small cabin, littered with a few personal objects. His was phone abandoned on the bedside table, a change of clothes on the floor. A naïve idiot would have taken a moment to consider the fact that maybe he was not as well as you thought. But you were past that, desperate to get answers. A reaction. An end to this madness. With resolve ever-increasing, you sat down on the edge of Neil’s bed, ready for the battle ahead. Meeting his perplexed gaze, you let the penny drop:

“I wonder with how many friends have you been kissing on the bed for two hours” a flash of recognition and then a frown.

As expected. But it still hurt.

That moment from the afternoon before the morning plane to Tallinn was one you often replayed in those desperate hours when nothing seemed to help. You were lying in bed in your room back in London, enjoying each other’s company, exchanging kisses like compliments every few minutes. Sometimes Neil would let his hands become more daring in their caress, causing goosebumps all over your skin. Bringing out sighs and making your heart overflow with love and hope that you finally found what you have been looking for. You felt wanted. You talked a lot about the future, sharing different ridiculous plans for how it could play out. Neil promised to visit your prospective farm with the sheep and dogs. Back then, judging by the look in his eyes, you dared dream that perhaps he would want to be a part of those days still to come. Now, looking at the blonde man awkwardly perching on the chair in front of you, nothing made sense. He stayed for the night then, allowing you to hug him close until the morning. You woke up first, watching him for a few minutes. The steady rise and fall of his chest. Relaxed face with hair sticking up. Calm and content. The warmth spreading from your heart inspired you to press a kiss to his lips as a means of wake up. The sight of Neil sleepy-eyed, peering up at you with a fond smile gracing his features was worth much. Maybe even the current tortures…

Facing him now, you could see the frown deepen.

“Painful memory?” you countered, watching him closely for any hints.

A mask was put on well. But there were flashes of something there. A potential… A possibility of getting burned too.

“In a way,” Neil grimaced, avoiding your piercing gaze.

He was uncomfortable, mindlessly picking on the skin around his nails and tapping his foot. That was the signal to keep on pushing. Until he would be forced to be honest.

“That’s a shame. It’s one of my favourite ones” as he looked up, you offered a deadpan smile, “Just like Oslo,” a shrug complemented with a quick scan of his body, “Though I’m not sure about that… ending,” feigning thoughtfulness you ended the harsh scrutiny.

The point was to back him up against the wall without making him throw you out. That tiny voice at the back of your head told you that he would have done that already if you were not in any way important. That voice was too confident.

“What is your point?” Neil bit back, betraying the level of annoyance you have brought with the innocent reminder.

You knew there was no more skirting around the issue. Now or never.

“Why did you do that earlier? Why did you hold me like...” you trailed off, unable to put into words what it felt like.

Like what? Like a lover. Like someone you actually cared about and not just an irritation. Like someone you could want in your life. But you could never say that to him.

“I was being a gentleman” Neil glanced at you with painfully fake indifference, “Women tend to appreciate that,” a shrug that could not fool you.

Women. The spark of jealousy burned bright. Because what if you were just another distraction. Nothing special. But then the things he said to Kat suggested otherwise. You held onto that thought and squared your shoulders. The game was on.

“...Right,” a sceptical glance in his direction before you continued, “Was that look gentlemanly too? Because last time I checked, gentlemen didn’t tend to look at women as though they wanted to…” trailing off, you awaited the response.

That would mean he took the bait. And the case was not yet lost.

“What?” the lazy tone made you meet Neil’s gaze.

He looked… off. As though before you knocked, he was not exactly fine. It was that nervousness and unkempt appearance that betrayed him. On its own accord, your heart gave out a painful thump, anticipating the fact that Neil too might have been hurting. But why? Ignoring the distraction, you found the needed words and dropped them carelessly.

“Devour them” you held his gaze confidently.

The verb felt right. As though Neil was not trusting his instincts, he looked down, breaking the contact. Putting up further guards. Bingo. He scoffed, throwing in cruelty to the mix:

“And here I was thinking you’re over… this” a vague hand gesture to show what this meant.  

You. And him. That something that both was there and was not. Or rather, he wanted it to cease to exist. Only it was not that easy.

“I never said that” putting on the necessary emphasis, you kept on staring at him until he looked up.

Mouth open for another quip. That same steel-blue eyes and clenched jaw. Whatever you have been doing was working. Slowly aggravating him to the point of discomfort. You had to keep the upper hand. Neil seemed to consider something, restlessly fiddling with a pen he picked up from the bedside table. After a beat, he spoke up:

“Why are you here?” weariness in his eyes as he gave out a long exhale.

Easy question… right?

“Because I want answers” it could not be any simpler.

He flinched, letting you see the extent of panic hidden underneath the annoyance and casualness.

“What makes you think I’ve got them?” an arched eyebrow adding the mocking intonation.

The meter of space between you felt like an ocean. He was close enough for you to brush away the strand that has fallen into his eye if you only leaned in. And yet so far that you felt alone, alienated by the cold scrutiny. You had to keep going, tearing at the carefully build up armour hiding him away from you.

“Because you always have words. An abundance of them” you waited till he looked at you again before pressing on “Be it things you probably wish I have forgotten that you have once whispered between kisses” a pause, noticing the boundless unease in the blue eyes “Or all those lovely adjectives you have given me the last couple of days” using the moment of hesitation, you added, “But maybe you were right, and I am stupid, emotional-”

You could give him the whole litany. Your legacy. Exactly how much you were worth in Neil’s eyes. Unless it was a lie…? Before you could begin, Neil raised his hand, interrupting sharply:

“Okay, I get your point” no pride in that frown, almost as though he regretted it, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that” the apology took you by surprise.

As did the sudden change in his face. Neil held your gaze with unusual sheepishness. As if even the act of looking at you was dangerous. Tearing the skin from his lower lip, he was the epitome of insecurity. There was no time to falter.

“Everything?” you prodded, mindful of the poker face you had to maintain.

You could not lose him now. Neil hesitated for a short moment before responding:

“Yes,” another second of eye contact, and he got up, impatiently touching the doorknob “If this is all you wanted, then I’d rather be alone-”

No. You leaped up, reaching out before he could finish the sentence. As your hand landed on his forearm, his eyes snapped to you in shock. He was not expecting you to breach the touch barrier. But there was no other choice. With heart hammering in your chest, you felt your throat tighten. Please not now…

“No,” emotions exposed in the tiny voice crack, “Neil, I’m tired of this, of you not making any fucking sense and expecting me to accept it” pleading, you let your fingers wrap around his wrist.

That had to do. Judging by the terror in his eyes, it was already too much. You could feel your resolve waning. Terrified of the consequences if this backfired. Of what you would have to do if he rejected you once and for good. Of the pain you would have to face then. But you had to be brave. He swallowed hard. You wondered what caused the goosebumps on his skin.

“If this is about earlier, then you’re blowing it out of proportion. Be more reasonable” there was a raw edge to his voice that was new.

You were close now. Enough to force Neil to stare at the ground to avoid looking at you. You noticed those dark circles under his eyes. And the tension spilling out in waves. He was scared of you. And that was a horrifying discovery. Your eyes were burning as you begged your heart to hold on. You had to survive this.

“It’s not just that” betraying the nerves, you took a greedy inhale, “It’s what you told Kat in Oslo. It’s how you look at me” following potentially disastrous instincts, you tipped his chin to meet his eye, “It’s all those sudden switches when you seem so cold and calculating and yet so separated from the real you” running out of breath, you could only stare at Neil.

The widened eyes and parted lips told you exactly how shocked he was. You did feel bad for bringing Kat into it. The argument was too strong to let it go. And it worked if his silent panic was anything to go by. He was desperately searching for words, unable to tear his eyes away from yours as though what you said was a binding charm.

“Why do you think you know the real me?” finally, Neil settled upon the question.

One last attempt at making you forgo this madness. Only there was nothing convincing in his delivery. Eyes hazed, showing you fear and uncertainty. A blood droplet on the lower lip where he tore through the skin. Ignoring the most innate of desires to wipe it off, you cupped his cheek. Neil gasped, frozen in the spot. Could it be working? Sliding your hand down, you interlocked your fingers with his. Everything felt surreal. As if you were not a part of the scene. But you had to persist. To finish what you started.

“Because you once told me that you’ve never lied to me. That I’m very important. Your everything, even” your voice broke again on the last sentence as you tightened your hold over Neil’s hand, “And I understand that you could have changed your mind, but…” you hesitated, feeling him shudder.

Oh my god. Your heart broke for the umpteenth time as the fact dawned on you. Neil was shivering slightly as though he was cold. But there was no draft. Nothing to cause it apart from your presence, words, and the physical touch. A choked sob built up in your throat.

“…why are you trembling when all I’m doing is holding your hand? Am I that revolting?” the questions were interrupted by a sniff you could not hold back any longer; there was time for honesty, “The last few days have been awful, making me want to stupid things just to feel something different than heartbreak. I’m not saying that to get your pity, but if I got it all so wrong then tell me now. Because I’m not sure I can survive much longer like this” after finishing the speech, the tears trailed down your cheeks uninvited.

It was all there for him. Nothing to add. Your heart was beating fast, blood pounding in your ears. For a second, you felt suspended in time, unable to do anything but stare at Neil, who seemed utterly speechless. And then his face fell. Eyes fell shut as he let out a heart-shattering whimper. Tears started falling down his face as you tried to brush them away. You have not seen him that broken since the aftermath of TP’s death. He tugged his hand out of your hold to cover his face, turning away. Christ… The searing pain was back, this time making your heart bleed for Neil. You did not know what to do, powerless and paralyzed with a multitude of thoughts and feelings. After a minute which felt like an eternity, Neil faced you again with red-rimmed eyes and tragedy in his gaze. That was the needed wake-up. Stepping back into action, you placed your hand on his chest. Just over the beating heart. A gentle encouragement.

“I can’t… I can’t tell you that it’s over because I still…” the breathless words tinged with panic and struggle as he fought for every gust of air, “I can’t keep on…” another sob, shaking his whole body “You’re…” a sharp intake followed by instant defeat.

Immeasurable anguish in Neil’s eyes was another reason to find the strength you did not know you had. Maybe it was worth it.

“What? I’m here with you and willing to listen. To do anything but please just make me understand” holding back more tears, you made sure he saw the determination painted on your face.

Slowly you were coming to terms with the reality. You would do anything for him. Anything he asked.

“I don’t know how to…” Neil trailed off, looking for answers all over the floor and ceiling, “I’m tired of having to pretend when you’re all I…” a moment of hesitation as his eyes widened.

He did not intend to say that much. You’re all I… what? Before you could find ways of pressing on, he turned away again and sat down on the bed. A frown etched deep into his forehead. Eyebrows furrowed. Eyes glistening with unshed tears. This was bad. Awkwardly, you shifted from one foot to another. Words were escaping you both.

“Then don’t. I won’t bite” your useless quip was received with an ill-disguised dry chuckle, “Call it naïve, but I don’t think it’s anything we can’t fix if we…” shit.

You knew what was there on the tip of your tongue. It was too early. Fuck knows if he even… But he had to. There was no other force in the universe that could cause this much pain.

“If what?” Neil caught your mistake with strange emotion in his eyes.

As though he wanted you to spell it out. You could not give in. Some words had the potential to destroy, and it was too fragile. A freshly opened wound you still had to mend somehow.

“Don’t make me say it again” a whisper to make him understand your actions.

After a beat, Neil nodded. He seemed exhausted, slouching and staring at the floor unseeingly. That feeling of helplessness threatened to come back with force as you were running out of ideas to make it work. To get him back somehow. Then his voice broke the tense silence:

“Christ…” a long exhale before he looked at you again, “I don’t even know where to begin, but…” resignation passed through his face.

You felt a strange spark of hope flicker in the depths of your heart. It did not look like rejection. It did not look like anything you have ever experienced, and yet it made so much sense. Because after everything you have been through, there was no way this could be easy. Kindling that building fire, you cautiously took a step forward, maintaining the eye contact:

“Yes?” the most neutral of tones, holding the emotions at bay.

Everything not to scare him off. You made it so close. You could give up now. A hint of a sad smile upon Neil’s lips was encouraging…

“Come closer. I want to…” he reached out a hand you gladly took, letting him pull you nearer.

It did not matter what he wanted. Only that you could give it to him. Anything. Everything. Upon the sudden surge of courage, you covered the remaining inches of space and straddled his lap in one smooth movement. Another gasp as Neil glanced at you with obvious amazement. Then, as though he worried that even this was too much, he looked down at where his hands tentatively settled on your hips. This position was familiar. And yet, you felt different, unable to make sense of the myriad of emotions and thoughts occupying your mind. All that mattered was Neil. His hesitant but intimate hold. The hair falling into his eyes. Shallow breaths escaping through the parted lips.

“It’s alright, look at me,” gently you lifted his chin so that you could meet his gaze.

Blue eyes full of longing. For you. Exhaling sharply, you knew well enough what to do. You wound your hands around his waist, drawing him into a tight embrace. That too felt natural. After a second, Neil relaxed, melting into your hug as if that was exactly what was missing. At that moment, with head resting in the crook of his neck, at last feeling as though there was a point in all this, your eyes welled up. No matter the suffering, this had to be it. Your everything. Neil breathed you in, warm puffs of air causing shivers all over your body. There was no point in pretending.

“Please come back to me,” you whispered against his skin, letting tears trail onto his shirt.

Neil tightened his hold, hands roaming over your back, pulling you even closer. All it took was a kiss he pressed onto the exposed skin of your collarbone to make you tremble.

“I never left,” the hesitancy told you he did not believe it either.

“You did. But maybe… I’ll do anything to have you back” the urgency in your voice causing Neil to lean back.

He wiped the stray tears from your cheeks, taking an additional moment to caress your neck with tenderness. You could only lean into his touch, feeling as though whatever might happen has already been decided. There was no way you could let this go. Neil seemed to consider something quickly before he spoke:

“All those words… they fail me when I’m trying to explain what I was doing” his voice was raspy with the weight of emotions, “Or why. Because I’m scared of making it come true. It’s as if once I say it… it might…” he paused, searching for words in your eyes.

“Become real?” you offered, running your fingers through his unruly hair.

You were right. It was all an act. The elation was restrained by worry and love. It didn’t matter.

“Yeah…” Neil swallowed hard, “And then there’s all this mess in my head… The thoughts that just won’t shut up. I’m so fucking tired of… of-” the familiarity of his words causing another flash of pain within your heart “I can’t ask you to-” he cut himself off as though the idea was unspeakable.

You caught a sight of something darker within his gaze. They always said that actions speak louder than words…

“Neil, I said I’ll do anything. I mean it. What do you need?” you met his panicked eyes with resilience.

It took him a longer minute to stop staring at you. To wake up. And then, as simple as it can be:

“You. I need you,” touching his forehead to yours his breath ghosted your lips, “But after everything I did, I wouldn’t expect you to want me… like that” the depth of remorse was heart-breaking.

You already knew what the answer would be. Nothing else mattered. Regrets, worries, and fears had to be abandoned for the sake of this.

“The trouble with the heart is that it doesn’t care what you’ve done. Only that this is you,” smiling lightly, you cupped his cheek, “Just… kiss me. Like you mean it. Like you could love me. And then we’ll see if we can make it work,” unsure where the words came from, you faltered.

But before any vicious doubts could step in, Neil closed the gap. His lips slowly glided over yours, reminding you what it felt like. It did not take much persuading for you to open your mouth, deepening the kiss. It felt like coming home after a long time away. Like that first step over the threshold when one is unsure what they will find. Only to realise that everything is in the right place. That they should have never left. You tangled your fingers in his hair, bringing him even closer. He groaned upon the sensation, teeth grazing over your bottom lip. A sigh escaped your throat as Neil’s hands ventured underneath the sweater. For the first time in a while, everything made sense. You tugged at his shirt just for the sake of it as a means of showing him how wrong he was. You wanted him more than before if that was possible. The kiss consuming you both with its intensity and force. Your tongues participating in their dance, brushing against each other, increasing the intimacy of the moment. It finally felt right. Slow, unhurried, but desperate. Unforgettable.

You did not even know when it ended. One moment you were willing to give up breath if only to make it last longer. The next Neil had you pinned to the bed, breathless and shocked. When you met his gaze, the depth of expression told you what it meant. Finally.

[wonlouvre]

pairing: doctor!wonwoo x lawyer!female oc genre: modern royalty, arranged marriage, fluff and future angst word count: 3.4k WARNINGS: ANGST (i think it’s just minor though), police and prosecution procedures (someone gets arrested).

a/n: disclaimer!! once again, i am in no way well-versed with investigations and trial procedures. please correct me i have made any mistakes. and!! if you noticed, i made revisions at part 7. our boo seungkwan is a prosecutor at the supreme prosecutor’s office instead of the justice department. they’re completely different agencies. anyway, this part will either make or break our couple. please send me what you think!! i hope you enjoy <3

eight: for all the wrong reasons | masterlist

Whatever you’re doing right now would probably go against Seungkwan’s superior’s orders and oath to the Supreme Prosecutor’s Office. But does he care? He doesn’t. Is he scared? He’s not. He never was, unless he’s engaging in something definitely illegal. Well, speaking about a particular case outside the circle of his office in the first place is already illegal. But you are inside and within the office already. Seungkwan will take care of the consequences later

Seungkwan is simple and quick enough to suggest meeting with you at the conference room of their building. He knows you and how much you want to know about this case. This is just a favor he’s returning because he’s grateful that the information you have about the victims made him one step closer to solving and ending this nightmare. 

The prosecutor also invited Wonwoo which could only mean that there are matters that involve the neighboring kingdom and that made you worry. It’s already shameful that this is happening within your kingdom’s territory. But to harm the people of the neighboring kingdom is a different kind of shame and disgust. Everything about this is shameful and disgusting. 

You could go straight to Their Majesties and talk about this, but the Prime Minister already released a statement earlier this morning to appease the public. After much colorful words and apologies, the Royal Family has pledged to cooperate in any investigation and invitation to the court. If you’re being honest, that’s good to hear. If you’re being a lawyer, that only means someone is guilty. 

Seungkwan is currently connecting his laptop to the projector in the background and as he’s about to finish, you can’t help but feel nervous. You were playing with your fingers when Wonwoo placed his hand on yours. He seems to have taken note of your actions whenever you feel a certain way and following that, he seems to finally know how to react to them.

It’s a relief that he’s here even though he shouldn’t have to. More than anyone else, you’re ashamed to be in front of Wonwoo. Ever since you met Jung and Sam, Wonwoo has been nothing but supportive and faithful. Although he has always been, it just got amplified this time around. You ask yourself, if you were to be with someone potentially involved in a crime syndicate, would you stay? Would you believe in them? Would you fight with them? 

You also wish you could ask Wonwoo that. But, a big part of you is afraid to know the obvious answer.

“Are you okay?” Wonwoo asks and the squeeze he gives your hand frees your mind from the scary thoughts plaguing it.

You squeeze his hand back and nod. “Yeah. Just a little tired.”

Wonwoo doesn’t press you any further and just nudges the strands of hair that’s been tickling your eyes. 

It’s right then Seungkwan clears his throat and takes his stand at the podium. “Good morning, Your Highness.”

You sit up straight and lean your elbows on the desk, all ears for what he has to say. 

“Tomorrow, at 12:00 in the afternoon, the Supreme Prosecutor’s Office together with the Justice Department will release a joint statement regarding this case. Today, I will brief you with the findings and facts of the initial investigation because I know we are all curious,” he starts before pressing the next arrow key on his laptop. “After this meeting, however, I won’t be able to disclose to you the developments of this case anymore because a week from now, the first trial will be held.

“I have requested the presence of His Highness, Prince Wonwoo, for this is something that concerns his people,” he continues to flash the next slide, “It has been confirmed by Immigration that the prime suspects and victims are citizens of the neighboring kingdom. The prosecution has already requested to Their Majesties of the neighboring Kingdom to grant us the right to investigate and try the prime suspects within our jurisdiction before we deport them. The request was granted and the prosecution is given 94 days to do what we should and what we can.”

You turn to Wonwoo to gauge his reaction. He meets your eyes and just nods, telling the two of you that the presentation can go on. You bring your attention back to Seungkwan and he proceeds to the next slide. 

“According to the orphanage, the victims were adopted earlier this year with complete and legal documents. So we can understand that technically, they weren’t smuggled,” he explains and points at the mentioned documents flashed on the screen. “Right now, we are investigating the following departments: Trade and Industry, Immigration, and Justice. Alongside with that, we are also investigating the orphanage, the Cabinet and,” a brief pause, “the Royal Family.”

The Royal Emblem flashed on the screen and it didn't look as moral as it used to when Seungkwan ended his presentation. You have no basis to make such claims, but you can’t be blamed either. You want to cry and scream because the anger is too much to bear. But you swallow everything and remain silent. 

“We understand that Her Highness expressed her desire to represent the victims, however the court cannot allow that,” Seungkwan says regretfully before announcing, “We would like to inform you that you could be summoned one of these days,” he then turns to Wonwoo,  “Furthermore, the victims will be interviewed and we ask His Highness to let Social Services take care of them. We respect your attachment and concern for them, but it is of utmost importance that they are in our custody.”

Wonwoo complies with a nod and asks one last question, “Is it confirmed that it’s a violation of the Protection of Children against Abuse, Exploitation and Discrimination Act?” 

Seungkwan nods and sighs, dejected. “The prime suspects are making it difficult, but we’re sure that it is.”

“Don’t you have to go back to the hospital today?” You ask Wonwoo while you drape your coat on your office chair. 

“I took the day off,” he answers and makes himself comfortable on one of the couches. 

You nod and press the on button of your computer. “I’d love you to stay, but I mean it when I say that you won’t have a blast lounging here.”

Wonwoo laughs and the sound of it makes you smile. You watch him lean his head back against the soft cushion and close his eyes. You’re sure he’s thinking about it as much as you do. And it’s only making him even more tired than he already is. You breathe out a sigh and amble your way to take the space beside him. 

“Go home and sleep,” you whisper and gingerly tap his cheek. 

Wonwoo holds your wrist and nestles his face close to your palm. He opens his eyes shortly after and his gaze has got you blinking in surprise, making him grin. You give his cheek a playful pinch to which he groans against.

You only let go when he sits up straight and turns his body to you. He takes your hands and pulls you closer, your knees touching his.  “I’m actually going home, home tonight.”

You stiffen, aware of where this conversation is going. “Oh.”

“My family wants me present as they discuss this whole case,” he says while his fingers stroke the back of your hand. “It won’t be long though. Three days tops.”

You silently nod, keeping your eyes at your intertwined hands. You don’t have any recollection of talking about your engagement ring. It doesn’t have any history with Wonwoo’s ancestors of some sort. But, you know that he chose it with his father. It’s a stainless steel silver band, no diamond visible. But the words for eternity engraved on the inner portion is made of it. 

You’re suddenly afraid that the shine is already tarnished and you’d have to remove it. 

The two of you don’t need to admit and say everything out loud. But, your engagement is already tested and whatever the court rules is crucial for the survival of your relationship. You’re already uneasy because you don’t see yourself letting go of Wonwoo. You can’t let go of Wonwoo. But now he’s going home and you’re not so confident in what his parents would say. 

What if they don’t deem you fit to marry their Crowned Prince anymore?

“I have something to give you.” Wonwoo lets go of your one hand to pull out something from his pocket, making you bring your gaze back at him. He holds it in a fist and flips your other hand with your palm upwards. You were looking into his eyes when something cold met the warmth of your skin. 

It’s a necklace. 

“A promise of my return,” he says and fold your palms, your turn to hold it in a fist. “I know a lifebuoy doesn’t symbolize that, but you get my point.”

His wit relaxes the tensed atmosphere, making you giggle. “Thank you. I love it.”

Wonwoo regards you with a fond smile and slowly leans close to your face, the tip of his nose bumping against yours before finally pressing a tentative kiss on your lips. One peck, followed by a second and on the third he holds your jaw to continue. Your whole body grows hot as his kisses deepen and you kiss him back with the same fervor. It didn’t take long for him to nip and swipe his tongue at your bottom lip, a plea to allow him to kiss you further. You yield and your heart has never beat so fast. 

You clutch the necklace he gave you against his chest while your other hand smooths against his neck. Every day that you’re with Wonwoo, you wish for it to never end. Whenever he holds your hand, keeps you close by an arm around your waist and breathlessly kisses you; you want them always. You want him. You lov---

You stop yourself right there because you’re not ready to take the fall. 

At the same time, Wonwoo hesitantly pulls away from your lips but his forehead remains against yours. “Wait for me?” he whispers, lips still grazing yours. 

You seal your yes with another kiss.

Jeongyeon holds her breath as she waits for your next question. You called her to your office to have an impromptu quiz game. This is not a traditional occurrence at your law firm but you figured that it wouldn’t be a waste of time to review your paralegal as the case is still on-going and the three day leave of your fiancé ends today.

“According to the Mining Act, foreigners are allowed to invest in mining activities of the kingdom. True or false?”

“I know this!” Jeongyeon shouts and raises her hand, asking for a moment. “False?”

You grin and give her a thumbs up. “Correct!”

“Yes!” She jumps and punches her fist up in the air. 

So far, she hasn’t given a single wrong answer and that makes you proud. You watch her dance excitedly around your office when your phone suddenly vibrates inside your pocket. Letting go of your questionnaire, you take it out and the message on the screen brings a smile on your face. 

j.ww: will be back tonight. dinner?

: can’t say no to that.

Wonwoo never failed to send you text messages or give you calls the past three days he was gone. They were always brief, but enough to assure you that you’re always on his mind. It’s a little corny for your age, but you can’t deny it gave you a sense of peace and security. It made your heart flutter as well but you’ll never say it out loud. 

Finally, he’ll be back tonight. You missed him so much and him not coming back didn’t fail to cross your mind each day. You’re hoping whatever he may have discussed with his parents concluded on a positive note. 

“Your Highness?” 

When you look up, you didn’t expect a tall man, wearing an all black suit, with sunglasses covering his eyes to greet you. You stand properly and put your phone back inside your coat pocket. 

“He didn’t have an appointment,” Jeongyeon sheepishly says. “But he insisted.”

The stranger removes his shades and gives you a smile. “Good day, Your Highness. My name is Kim Mingyu and I wish to seek your legal advice.”

“So Mr. Kim, you want to start a business in our kingdom?”

Kim Mingyu is from the neighboring kingdom who’s apparently rich enough to venture to different kingdoms to expand his business and well, make himself richer. Foreigners are welcomed and allowed to establish their business here so long as they abide by the laws of the land. You have had foreign clients of that kind before, asking how to navigate around without facing legal disputes.

Some are nice and genuine, some are the opposite.

Kim Mingyu seems to be the latter.

Mingyu shakes his head as he sips at the iced water he requested. You can hear the ice cubes crushing as he chews on them and you’re regretting not declining his request for a consultation. This man exudes nothing but conceit and you honestly don’t have the time to stroke his ego. He chugs the whole glass before leaning his arms on the table. Meanwhile, you stayed composed with your back straight even though you’re starting to grow irritated at his actions. 

“No, Your Highness,” he answers. “I already have a business here.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Then, what do you require my services for?”

He leans back on the chair again and crosses his arms. “I just want to improve it, but in a legal kind of way.”

“Okay,” you say under your breath, unsure if he’s bluffing you or not. “May I ask what’s your business, Mr. Kim?”

“Mining.”

A stunned silence befalls between the two of you. Is he serious?

“Mr. Kim, you have a mining business in this kingdom?” You try to clarify because maybe you heard him wrong. 

He gives you a high and mighty nod, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. 

“Foreigners are not allowed to engage in mining activities in this kingdom, Mr. Kim,” you remind him, your tone cold.

He shrugs his shoulders and gives you a sinister smirk. “It’s not that hard when you have someone powerful allowing it.”

You are numb and in denial. 

Kim Mingyu is messing with your head, you try to make excuses to keep yourself sane as you run to the car and tell the driver to head straight to the Royal Residences. You don’t even know who that guy is. You don’t have any confirmation of his identity at all. He’s just stirring you up to get a reaction from you. You can’t be vulnerable and you’ll never be. The only way to do that is to stay rational and ask the people he mentioned yourself. 

Your phone is attached to your ear as you wait for Seungkwan to answer. He’s taking rather a while to answer than he used to but it’s okay. You just need to tell him your so-called visitor’s name earlier and maybe he can tell you something, anything, that can ease the growing fear inside your system.

“Your Highness,” he finally answers, just in time when the driver stops at the entryway of the house. You can hear someone shouting from the other line, but you ignore it.

“Seungkwan, do you perhaps know a guy named Kim MIngyu?” You ask and walk your way through the opened and unguarded doors. Odd, you thought, but you ignored it again and continued sprinting to the receiving area. “He was at my office earlier saying some crap about illegal mining, can you loo---”

Handcuffs.

And dozens of men in uniform surrounding your father, The King, made you stop on your tracks. 

“Y/N, I need you to listen to me.” 

But you can’t because this one man with a piece of paper held by one of his hands is talking to your father.

“His Majesty, King XXX, you are under arrest for aiding and allowing the presence and access of foreign nationals and businesses to the mineral resources of this Kingdom, a violation of the Mining Act of 19xx. You have the right to an attorney and in the event that you don’t, the Kingdom will provide you one. You have the right to remain silent and if you waive your right, anything you say can be used for or against you in court.”

 “Y/N?”

You heard what the Royal Police said, loud and clear. You also saw how your father stood up and comply, surrendering his hands to the man holding the handcuffs. When he finally raises his head and meets your eyes, your arm weakens making you drop your phone. Your father shows you a tight smile and quick nod, a false promise that everything will be okay.

You watch, frozen, as they take your father away and all you can hear is the sobs of your mother who couldn’t do anything to save her husband.

The very moment the press took hold of your father’s quiet arrest, it became a mess outside of the residences. News reporters from various broadcasting stations have positioned themselves in front of the camera, making use of your home as their background as they tell the whole nation about the downfall of The King. 

Seungkwan’s words were frantic but painfully true. He has informed you that the prime suspects have dropped the names of every public figure involved in their crime and yes, that includes your father. They were able to present strong evidence in a short period of time, turning the tables and causing chaos at the prosecution. 

Seungkwan told you to stay put and let the Prime Minister do his job. But he wasn’t able to tell you that everything is under control and that your father may just be falsely accused. 

Because he’s not. 

You can see from the window that civilians have joined the crowd and they are livid. You haven’t said a word, you haven’t sat down, you haven’t done anything since you arrived. Your mother is inconsolable and all of the crying has exhausted her, making her faint. If it’s a mess outside what more inside this house with nothing but an eerie silence that’s crumbling you down. 

Eventually, your family will have to face the people you swore to serve with nothing but honesty. When that time comes, will you even have a face to show? Will you have the strength to see their disappointment and distrust? 

What about Wonwoo? What would he think of your father whom he respected? What about his parents who regarded your family with high praises? You tightly gripped on the necklace Wonwoo gave you as you imagined the endless scenarios that could likely end everything. You tightly gripped onto the lifebuoy pendant, holding onto what is left if there’s still at all.

“Your Highness, Prince Wonwoo has arrived.”

Wonwoo looked like he was dragging his whole body from how tired he has been over the past three days. But his pace quickened when he finally saw you. He drops his bag and coat with a resounding thud on the floor and races to meet you halfway and take you in his arms.

His firm embrace swept you off your feet and the only thing that’s helping him to breathe your scent is your arms locked around his neck. 

“What did Seungkwan say? I only heard about it on my way here.” Wonwoo removed his arms from your waist and opted to rub your arms who grew limp by your sides. 

“He couldn’t disclose the full details,” you answer and your head hangs low in humiliation. “My father will be dethroned and worse, imprisoned.”

Wonwoo couldn’t say anything to comfort or correct you and it’s okay. He wants to but you tell him through your eyes that he doesn’t have to. You have thought about it already. You have accepted your father’s fate and most importantly, the fate of your marriage. Wonwoo and his family doesn’t deserve to be entangled with your family’s disgraceful incompetence and lies. 

Maybe you and Wonwoo were betrothed for all the wrong reasons.

So with hot tears streaming down your face and heartbreak tearing you apart, you ask him again. 

“Do you really want to marry me Wonwoo?”

[wingedwizardcat]

For @kyluxficletfest Day 4: Supreme Leader & Chancellor

-

The Supreme Leader of the First Order leaned against the doorway of his Chancellor’s office, watching the man work diligently as the sun set over Coruscant. Document after document was examined and signed off, the man’s posture never changing and his face hiding his exhaustion well.

Hux hadn’t been sleeping in recent weeks, his dreams haunted by the destruction of Starkiller Base, and Ren knew that when he couldn’t rest he’d only plow himself further into his work. He’d tried to ease his former General’s thoughts with the force, but Hux’s will had proven too strong to allow any force suggestion to truly implant.

“That’s enough.” he decided, speaking the words aloud and moving fully into the office, “I have need of you, Hux, and I’ve waited long enough for you to complete your paperwork.”

The ginger looked up over the top of his reading glasses, his expression refusing to reveal his thoughts as he placed the tablet down and casually sat back against his chair, “What do you have need of me for? I’m a very busy man.”

“I’ll just take that-” Mitaka, former Lieutenant and now Chancellor Hux’s private secretary, reached out from his position beside the desk and attempted to slide the tablet away. Despite having more contact with the Supreme Leader in recent years and not being choked a second time, he remained skittish around the force user and was always quick to make an exit.

“Not so fast, Dopheld.” Hux’s slim fingers caught hold of the tablet, “If Lord Ren’s need for me is not urgent then we’ll need to continue with these budget forecasts.”

“I’m sure it’s very urgent.” the secretary replied, glancing between the two of them with increasing discomfort. While he enjoyed Hux’s company, he was not fond of the constant battle of wills between the two most powerful men in the galaxy.

“Well, Ren? Is it very urgent?”

The Supreme Leader narrowed his eyes, considering his options as he took in the teasing smile on the ginger’s lips, “Only your assistance can resolve the issue.” he confirmed, moving closer to the desk, “I’d be happy to discuss it in more detail, perhaps over wine and steak?”

“The Corellian wine? Must you drink like a smuggler?”

“You knew who you were making vows to.”

“I did.” Hux agreed with an exaggerated sigh, handing the tablet to Mitaka and removing his glasses, “Very well, you’ve got my attention for this evening, but I’ll need to be back at my desk in the morning.”

“That can be arranged.”

While Hux tidied his desk and chatted briefly to Mitaka, Ren moved to the large glass windows and observed the city below. He allowed himself a moment to imagine his grandfather stood beside him, witnessing the prosperity that the First Order had brought to the Core. He only wished that his grandparents could have been open about their relationship, something he’d insisted upon when he and Hux had finally recognised their feelings for one another.

“Don’t get lost in your thoughts.” Hux’s voice whispered into his ear and he turned to find them alone in the office, “You promised me wine, don’t choose meditation in favour of me.”

“Never.” the Supreme Leader assured, taking the other man’s hand and leading him from the office, “A nice evening of pampering should help you sleep, I can’t have my Chancellor falling asleep at his desk.”