#always love you more

[bmodiwrites]

Here is part two to what I'm calling Always Love You More. You can find the first post here - for sure read it before you take a gander at this one!!

Sitting at the table, Eddie contemplates the paper in front of him for the billionth time. The words are there but they just aren’t right, not for the situation. Maybe nothing he can think to say ever is.

His fingers are covered in little dots of ink from his nervous tick of clicking the pen. It’s a surprise it still has any ink in it as he presses down and signs his name at the end. Despite that being the customary way to say goodbye, it doesn’t feel like enough.

Ever since the notion to write the stupid letter came to him, nothing’s been enough.

Eddie closes his eyes in a desperate attempt to push away the feelings that won’t stop plaguing him. It works for a grand total of one millisecond before the swell of want comes back and settles even further within his gut, making a permanent home for itself. There’s no use in trying to deny something Eddie knows with his entire body (and maybe his whole soul, too).  

And see, it’s not fair to be so overtaken by an immovable affliction now that Eddie’s finally got his life together. Moving away from Hawkins, giving up Steve and the life they were building together – it’s still the hardest decision Eddie has to make. Because, in the most basic way, Eddie still has to choose to be gone when his head leaves the pillow each time a new day starts. Something calls him back and it’s getting harder to ignore it.

Besides, it’s not a something that’s screaming out his name so desperately. There’s no dog or park or figment of Eddie’s imagination drawing on him with imaginary strings. Hawkins is the place where his heart learned how to love but Steve Harrington is the thing that makes the blood in his veins sing that particular song. That someone is the only person who’s ever crawled under Eddie’s skin and stayed there. With or without permission, Steve Harrington is a part of him.  

No matter how many times they broke up or grew apart, Eddie always found a way to make it back to Steve. Until the very last thing that pushed Eddie far enough away to skip town and try something new, their impending route to forever was already set in stone. That’s one of the main reasons Eddie ran away and continues to choose to do so every day. The ring in Steve’s sock drawer haunts him. It’s what should be in the same way that it keeps him at arm’s length. Eddie sometimes sees it as a prison, boxing him in.

Instead of saying something or speaking the truth, Eddie packs his things and runs.

And though it’s stupid and ultimately not right for him to do, Eddie tries to love someone else. He gets to know Jeff, a man who immediately makes him feel like he’s finally meeting the male embodiment of everything he wants from a person (of everything that Steve’s not). Jeff is charming and new and someone who doesn’t have a past for Eddie to cling to and use as a weapon. The slate is clean and for a while, it’s all Eddie can ever need.

To think it’s the subtle slip of Jeff’s hand into Eddie’s that bounces him right back to a place where Steve is everything again feels like blasphemy. They do this every day, why is it suddenly so different now?

His mind easily recalls the long nature of Steve’s fingers, how they were calloused by the folds because of all the weight lifting he does to stay in shape. It’s easy to forget that Jeff isn’t Steve in that moment, so he tightens his hold, as if gripping harder will keep that memory (and Steve) close.

Though Eddie feels immediate disappointment when he’s met with the cool nature of Jeff’s skin against his palm instead of the scorching warmth of Steve’s. It’s unfair not to tell Jeff that things are over in that moment (the realization is that sudden and final), Eddie knows it even as he keeps his mouth shut with every intention to never say a thing.

That’s until he decides to sit down and write Steve a letter. There’s no coming back from the words that are sitting on the tips of Eddie’s fingers, just waiting to be put down permanently on paper. His decision is already made before he starts to write, though it still takes him quite a bit of time to get his thoughts in order and deliver them the way he wants.

After he signs his name and sits back in his chair, Eddie looks around the small studio apartment he rented out when he first got to Ohio. All of his bags are packed now but he can see its previous layout clearly. It served him well and will do so to the next lost person moving in behind him. He hopes they find the things they’re looking for like Eddie did.

As he makes his final call to Jeff and dumps the keys in the landlords office, Eddie allows himself a second to take it all in. It’s funny to think that he’s excited to be going home – he ran so far away so fast it’s almost a little ludicrous to even acknowledge the hard thump in his chest.

Maybe it’s the time away or maybe it’s the realization that home can mean lots of different things but he’s finally satisfied with the direction his life is taking him. He’s not afraid to plant roots down in a place that always felt like a prison – with a little attitude adjustment, Eddie sees the green pasture of Hawkins for what it is - home.

Never mind the fac that the person he’s growing the damn tree with is more than worth doing a thing Eddie always swore he’d never do.

Eddie sends the letter to Steve on his way out of town, hoping it makes it there before he does. His plan is to make the drive back to Indiana with a few stops along the way. If his knowledge of the postal service is correct, he’ll make it back a couple of days after the letter gets there. He’s hoping to catch Steve after his ex is done processing the words Eddie blurted out onto those pages, after he’s had a little time to think.

As it turns out, Eddie’s timing is less than perfect. Though it’s so very right, all the same.

He’s stepping away from the door to wait for any sign of life within the day he bucks up the courage to finally approach Steve, when the man in question opens it, Eddie’s letter still in hand. The stricken look on his face almost makes Eddie turn around and run. Yet, for the first time in his life, Eddie stays. Something in his gut shouts at him to stand up and be there when Steve eventually gets it together.

He's so happy to do exactly that.

It’s hard to say what happens in the next handful of moments that follow – it’s all a blur of arms opening and soft sighs and a full body hug that makes Eddie feel complete for the first time in months.

When Steve pulls back, there’s tears in his eyes and a confusing smile on his lips.

“It’s about time you came home.”  

There is lots more to say and plenty to catch each other up on but Eddie decides in that moment that it all can wait. He’s done running away from a warm embrace that calls to him and a love that he knows he’ll never feel anywhere else. Eddie’s heart beats in time with Steve’s – there’s no business doubting it any longer.

Eddie’s hands move from their spot on Steve’s hips to grab at his cheeks, instead. Both thumbs trace soft skin and delicate bone and the smallest bit of facial hair Steve probably missed shaving that morning. The reality of him is enough to leave behind notions of anything but this, Steve’s presence, his face in Eddie’s hands, meaning the world to him.

With the slightest of tugs, Eddie pulls Steve in so their lips can touch in a soft kiss. It’s a welcome home and apology and sigh of relief wrapped up into one.

It’s everything.

[rafeandonlyrafe]

well 🧍‍♀️ as a reminder this blog is NOT a safe space for trump supporters but it IS a safe place for women, queers, trans ppl, people of color, undocumented people, and any marginalized group.

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[druid-for-hire]

[image id: a four-page comic. it is titled "immortality” after the poem by clare harner (more popularly known as “do not stand at my grave and weep”). the first page shows paleontologists digging up fossils at a dig. it reads, “do not stand at my grave and weep. i am not there. i do not sleep.” page two features several prehistoric creatures living in the wild. not featured but notable, each have modern descendants: horses, cetaceans, horsetail plants, and crocodilians. it reads, “i am a thousand winds that blow. i am the diamond glints on snow. i am the sunlight on ripened grain. i am the gentle autumn rain.” the third page shows archaeopteryx in the treetops and the skies, then a modern museum-goer reading the placard on a fossil display. it reads, “when you awaken in the morning’s hush, i am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight. i am the soft stars that shine at night. do not stand at my grave and cry.” the fourth page shows a chicken in a field. it reads, “i am not there. i did not die” / end id]

a comic i made in about 15 hours for my school’s comic anthology. the theme was “evolution”

[spearxwind]

I think it's sad that most people always think of bottlenoses as the "classic dolphin" since its the one that's always used for shows, and always think of dolphins as just straight grey when in reality there's so many varieties with so many different amazing patterns

Look at the common dolphin! They have a gorgeous X pattern and even some dull yellow/gold!!

Hourglass dolphins have gorgeous white streaks

Spinner dolphins have really pretty banding as well, AND they have a really sleek cute silhouette!

The atlantic spotted dolphin!!! Theyre spotted!!!!!!

and the pantropical spotted too!!

Dusky dolphins have a gorgeous airbrush look going on like straight out of a 2000s fantasy illustration

Striped dolphins sure have stripes!! How cool!!

And these I've shown you aren't even all of them at all, there are so many of them:

There's so so so many different types of dolphins people dont know about this isnt even all of them and some are SO gorgeous and underrated because people just dont know they exist so I'm here to fix that

[bean-spring]

Hot take and not to be a killjoy or the shipping police but people treating Viktor or Jinx's aroace headcanons as if they were canon is not the revolutionary take people think it is.

Headcanons are always all right but we have to acknowledge that they are somehow damaging when they apply to stereotypes. It might not be the case for everyone but most of the time people unconsciously assume that disability/mental illness=asexuality. These headcanons erase the freedom of attraction from people who are already seen as unable to have sexual/romantic experiences/desires, when it's completely untrue and harmful.

You can headcanon Viktor and Jinx as aroace, but I have seen people changing their minds once Viktor is no longer disabled (s2 with all of his other forms) and Jinx is no longer as mentally ill (alternate universe Powder). And it speaks wonders of how people see these characters.

"I never thought about Jinx being able to feel romantic/sexual attraction until s2!" To believe she's actually only capable of that when she's not "damaged" is incredibly disturbing. Especially since Jinx has always had a bit of a flirty personality too.

"I've always seen Viktor as asexual, I don't know why!" That's fine. You can headcanon him as ace. But I believe there is a reason behind it, most of the time, if for some inexplicable reason the "vibes" of the disabled character are making you think he's ace.

I say all of this being aroaspec myself, by the way. Headcanon all you want but going to people's posts commenting how "it's weird for you that they have romantic/sexual plots when they're clearly aroace" is not a win at all. It's a headcanon, after all, and it should be treated as such, and that's fine. But it also is damaging to spread stereotypes like these.

Of course the disabled character is asexual. Of course the mentally ill character is aromantic. It's not as revolutionary as you might think, tbh.

Fandom is not activism and it's all right to have any headcanons you want BUT some of them are filled with damaging stuff and perhaps we should look into ourselves more before treating these assumptions as something canon.

[lotus-pear]

charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️

[brainrotcharacters]

the easy grip on the knife. the leg over the seat. the hand over the other seat. the sassy "come get it" move. you know the bitch is smiling behind that mask even as he said the line.

[pokimoko]

Asexual bird? Please

How about two asexual birds?

[malinaa]

if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing

[time-to-write-and-suffer]

I love how on Tumblr, "media literacy" has become "Um, just because someone writes about this doesn't mean they're endorsing this. I hate all these media puritans ruining everything."

I'm sad to inform you that knowing when and whether an author is endorsing something, implying something, saying something, is also part of media literacy. Knowing when they are doing this and when they're not is part of media literacy. Assuming that no author has ever endorsed a bad thing is how you fall for proper gander. It's not media literacy to always assume that nobody ever has agreed with the morally reprehensible ideas in their work.

Sometimes, authors are endorsing something, and you need to be aware when that happens, and you also need to be aware when you're doing it as an author. All media isn't horny dubcon fanfic where you and the author know it's problematic IRL but you get off to it in the privacy of your brain. Sometimes very smart people can convince you of something that'll hurt others in the real world. Sometimes very dumb people will romanticize something without realizing they're doing it and you'll be caught up in it without realizing that you are.

Being aware of this is also media literacy. Being aware of the narrative tools used to affect your thinking is media literacy. Deciding on your own whether you agree with an author or not is media literacy. Enjoying characters doing bad things and allowing authors to create flawed or cruel characters for the sake of a story is perfectly fine, but it is not the same as being media literate. Being smug about how you never think an author has bad intentions tells me you're edgy, not that you're media literate. You can't use one rule to apply to all media. That's not how media literacy works. Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Aheem heem. Anyway.

[hinamie]

big fan of panels where they look like they wld beat me up

[notbrucewayne48]

"aphobia doesn't exist"

bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Liam was a boy, and then a man, who suffered so much trauma and pain. He was bullied as a child and then lived a nightmare that I think none of us can really imagine of having that triggering experience replicated on a literally global public scale. He became a man who inflicted trauma on others. He was an addict who was unable to find a way out of that disease, and now never will, but who was open and vulnerable about his struggles. He was an incredibly talented musician and artist and an absolutely integral part of one of the most important bands of a generation; his voice and songwriting and skill in the studio shaped every aspect of what One Direction became at their best. He loved that band and being a part of that experience with his whole being and would never have stopped celebrating what they meant to us and to the world. He had problems and did bad things; that doesn't mean he was a bad person who didn't deserve to be loved and helped to heal- everyone deserves that- and the fact that that's not something that can ever happen now is devastating. I was very distressed by many of his actions; and I cared deeply about this man I didn't know and wished for better for him than this outcome.

I'm so deeply, deeply SAD tonight. I'm sad for Liam, who will never now have the chance to look back on this hard time and reflect on how far he's come, and for Liam's family, for his parents and his sisters who loved and supported him so much, and for everyone in the 1D band family and circles. And I'm sad for us. It feels like nothing will ever be quite the same, and that's hard and sad and shocking. It's a special kind of doubled grief, to mourn the loss of the person, and also of what he meant to us in this strange world of parasocial fanning, for the real him and also for the version of him that we made up and attached so much meaning to and for the escape that brought us. For him, and also for the easy uncomplicated joy of listening to those beautiful songs from happier times, which might never feel the same again. For the other boys, who we love so much and wish we could shield from suffering and loss and pain. For our fellow fans, who we also worry about the impact of this on. Everything about this is terrible, and I am sending so much love out to all of you. We are not alone, and it's okay to feel complicated emotions and it's okay to mourn and it's okay to care about how it effects you and your life, whatever you're feeling- it's okay. We are here with you. We are 1D family.

[nenoname]

Cute wholesome fics where Stan teaches Soos or Wendy how to drive were always so funny to me because...

And while he insists that everyone in town has ran over McGucket before, we also know he ran over Toby too and absolutely did not give a shit (understandable in that case)

But then again...

Also bless Mr Honeypants

And another detail I love is that his car is casually filled with parking tickets

How many tickets are in Ford's name...

[xochimillilili]

Hey come here puppy, come here and sit on my lap honey, let me hold you~ That's my puppy, just lay on my chest, yes just like that my love, rest your pretty little puppy head and let all those thoughts fall out~

You've had quite a long day haven't you pup? Look at you, your eyes are all sleepy and pretty, your cute lil tired smile n frown, your hair all fluffed up from being so busy all day... it's alright my sweetheart, I've got you, I'm staying here with you all night

Let me help put your collar on baby, you're just a little puppy after all, you just focus on getting yourself comfy love~

We can do anything you like my precious pup, we can cuddle here in bed or I'll sit next to you while you're snug in your little doggie bed. I can run you a nice bath and try to rub and scrub all your worries away, even just for a bit honey. We can watch something you like, or I can tell you a story, we can nap or do some nice coloring while I brush your hair all soft

You're my precious darling little puppy love, my good puppy who I'm so sooo very proud of, I'll always want to hold and care for you after a long day, you're the one I love~