#always inspired by the pieces in front of 7/11s

[morganpdf]

i feel like ive seen a post abt this before but ill say it again. fave genre of furry art is like . Art where the backgrounds are like. beautifully rendered landscapes or cityscapes after the rain maybe the interior of a subway etc etc things that have obviously had great love and care put into the crafting & rendering of them. and also theres a critterguy just there enjoying it. not even necessarily the focus of the piece

[tired-teacher-blog]

Characters : Tattoo artist Aizawa/ Florist fem reader

Featuring : Eri/ Hizashi Yamada/ Nemuri Kayama/ Oboro Shirakumo/ Emi Fukukado

Warnings and Genre : Fluff/ Romance/ Smut and Angst in future chapters/ Multi Chaptered Story

Summary : In a desperate attempt to get closer to the tattoo artist dominating every speck of your brain, you decide to pay him a visit one evening as a client seeking his service. This encounter will prove to be the beginning of something much bigger between you two, but will this new found passion be enough to stand against the difficulties your future holds?

Notes : Loosely inspired by this/ Art below is by the wonderful @/ael-draw who gifted me this gorgeous piece.

Masterlist|Second Masterlist|Third Masterlist

Chapter Count : Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 • Part 5 • Part 6 • Part 7 • Part 8 • Part 9 • Part 10 • Part 11

_ "Eraserhead.." you mumble to yourself while browsing the pictures shared on the website.

You've always been intrigued by the name he has chosen for his studio, but more than anything, you wish to know more about the man himself, he's the reason why you're doing any of this after all.

Of course he is, because the mere thought of him branding you makes all your uncertainties vanish, and you are now anxiously counting the seconds until tomorrow comes.

You bite down on your lip while studying the pictures carefully, admiring him and his colleagues as they're clearly transferring their passion onto their clients' skin. The care, the focus and the beauty of it all is obvious in every photo, it is certainly more than just a job for them, it is love.

You snuggle up in bed a little deeper, bringing the covers over your head and clutching to your phone while browsing through the photos, until one of them stops you.

Your eyes gleam and your grip on the device tightens as you eagerly take in the details of the man in front of you. He looks so handsome, with his hair tied in a half bun that allowed you a better peek at the long slender neck you wish to run your fingertips along. Oh how you wish..

He's wearing a simple black tank top that accentuates the art adorning his flesh and confirms your previous suspicions, that the glimpses of ink you have so far been fortunate enough to see, are in fact but a touch of what's been hidden.

You want to make sense of the art he has chosen for himself, it's beautiful, elegant and obviously bears a meaning to him, but as much as you wish to, you cannot possibly understand the story behind it.

Your eyes land on his well defined muscles, taut underneath his skin as he diligently worked around a girl's thigh.

_ "Oh crap.." you breathe out as it suddenly hits you, that just in a few hours you will be exposing yourself to him much like the girl in the photo is.

Your body stiffens and your cheeks heat up as countless questions race in your mind, what if you decide to have it on your back? Or leg? Or tummy? Then would you have to remove your clothes for that? Obviously.. would you be able to do it though? You aren't so sure anymore..

Wouldn't it be much easier if you are to meet with one of the other artists? His loud blond friend perhaps, or the cheerful tall guy whom you seldom ever see since he usually comes a little later than the others.

Is it wrong of you to rush into this without thinking everything through? Seriously, what are you hoping to accomplish anyway?

Do you expect him to be charmed by you? To speak more intimately? To start something that would bring you two together?

How ridiculous! He would be doing his job and nothing more, so perhaps you ought to keep these outrageous thoughts to yourself and learn to give up on your absurd infatuation.

It would be best if you do, for your own sake..

Your body jerks violently to the blaring sound of the alarm clock, and you sit up at once, pressing your fingers to your throbbing temples and wincing in pain.

Is it morning already? When and how did you fall asleep anyway? It's hard to tell, because the last thing you can remember is the first thing on your mind right now, him.

Your day is passing in a haze, and no matter how hard you try, you cannot think of anything else but him.

You smile at yet another satisfied customer as she picks up her colorful bouquet and walks out of your shop all happy and excited about her purchase.

_ "It's almost time." you sigh heavily while peeking at the studio across the street— like you have been doing the whole day, still closed but won't be for long.

Your eyes shift to the wall clock hanging opposite of you, it reads six forty-five, almost time to lock up and get to your appointment with Mr Aizawa who will soon be here..

The butterflies in your stomach are fluttering furiously in rhythm with your pounding heart as you clean up around your shop to kill the few minutes left until you see him, and just like clockwork, he does in fact appear right as you are done securing your shop's front door, greeting you like he always does before walking into the studio where his colleagues already are..

_ "Oh good evening Miss! You're right on time," Ms Kayama greets you enthusiastically as soon as you walk in, "boss will be seeing you in a moment so why don't you have a seat first."

_ "Thank you." you do as asked, biting on the inside of your cheek nervously and watching while a couple walk in and are immediately greeted by the tall guy whose cheerfulness you frankly envy.

You're not really sure how long you've been sitting there -eyes moving between gleeful artists and their excited clients as they work out the details of their desired pieces- but it couldn't have been more than mere minutes before his warm greeting reached you, "welcome back."

_ "H.. hello Mr Aizawa." you curse your wavering voice as you stand up too quickly— that your head starts spinning, grateful for the hand you're keeping on the back of the chair for support.

_ "I'm glad you came back." he gets even closer to you as he speaks, so much closer that you can catch every little detail of his handsome face.

_ "Thank you." that's right, you were a mess yesterday, and you did make a fool of yourself over the whole thing, but for some reason you don't regret any of it since it somehow led you a bit closer to the guy you've spent months admiring from afar.

_ "Please follow me."

You walk closely behind him, admiring the stature of the man controlling every speck of your being, and wishing you could just reach out and touch him, but that would be too creepy wouldn't it? You're not even that close..

You shake your head to chase away those weird thoughts fighting within your brain and focus on the reason why you're here instead, the man is running a business for heaven's sake, and you have to respect that.

_ "Wow! This is.." you bite down on your lip to stop from squealing like a little girl as you finally take in the room where he spends all his evenings.

_ "So, you like it?" he sounds a bit flustered, the tone of his voice is way softer than before, as if awaiting to hear more from you.

_ "I love it, you have a great taste Mr Aizawa."

He truly does, and you find yourself admiring the colorful art brightening the otherwise dull walls around, the framed designs hanging neatly, and even the equipments that you cannot recognize or understand the need for them.

He is an artist, and it clearly shows everywhere your eyes have landed.

_ "Thank you, hearing this from you means a lot." and there it is, that beautiful smile of his.

You wonder what he could've possibly meant by that, does your opinion really matter to him? Or is he just being polite? No matter what it is, it's not the right time for you to lose focus, you have to get yourself together.

_ "I really mean it Mr Aizawa, and I'm really happy I get to see where you work up close." and the sparkle in your eye doesn't go unnoticed.

_ "You seem more relaxed today, I'm glad," he tilts his head to the side as he speaks, his luscious locks flowing around his face and neck, and casting a dazzling aura around him, "please have a seat." he gestures you towards the comfortable looking tattoo chair placed in the middle of the room before pulling out a stool for himself.

_ "The sketch is ready," he grabs his iPad from the large table where his equipments are neatly placed, scrolling through it a bit before announcing, "here you go, we can do some alternations if it's not how you pictured it."

_ "Thank you." heart is pounding in your chest and breath is caught in your throat as you accept the device, and soon, your nervousness is replaced with a giddy smile that you cannot control as your eyes finally land on the digital art that's shortly to be transferred onto your skin.

_ "So, I take it you like how it came out." he must've caught on to the meaning of your bright expression, and you can swear you sensed a little relief in his voice, as if he's been anticipating your reaction.

You know you shouldn't read too much into it, it's his job to meet his clients' expectations after all, but you just cannot help that tingling sensation spreading throughout your body as you delve deeper into delirium.

_ "I love it, it's perfect," you pause for a moment to admire it a bit more before snapping your head up all of a sudden, "oh by the way, I thought of an ideal spot for it, my wrist." this would be the only way for you to keep your clothes on when he starts working on you.

He looks at you for a moment but says nothing, pursing his lips and puckering his brow as if he's deep in thought, triggering your anxiety with every second that passes as you start wondering if something is wrong.

_ "May I suggest something?" he takes your hand in his, running a thumb over the sensitive skin of your wrist before continuing, "look, this part right here is very delicate and it would be quite painful."

It's warm, hot, burning hot where his hands are holding you, your heart races and goosebumps appear under his touch as he keeps talking, "since it's your first time doing it, I don't recommend this placement for you, but maybe if we push it up a bit and make it closer to your forearm where the skin is a little thicker?" and his fingertips press lightly there on the spot suggested.

_ "Y.. yes, okay." your voice quivers again, like it always does around him.

_ "Alright, perfect! I'll print it out right away so we can start immediately."

Good, this will give you a few minutes to collect yourself..

_ "So, what do you think? That's two inches, but we can resize it if you want." he leans back and gives you a chance to assess the sketch printed onto your skin, holding up a mirror for you and smiling as he does.

_ "I like it a lot! It looks gorgeous." the perfect design and the perfect size and you can't wait to get it permanently etched into you.

You have been so engrossed into admiring yourself for a moment that you almost missed his lingering eyes on you, almost.

_ "Shall we get started then?" he stands up from his stool to grab his kit and a pair of gloves before returning, "I'm going to ask you to sit back and put your arm on the armrest here, it's a small piece but will take about an hour to finish up since we're coloring it, if it gets too painful we can take a break that's totally fine."

_ "I understand."

You've always had a somewhat high pain tolerance, you've never been one to whine or complain over anything, which is probably why you're finding the persistent sting of the tattoo gun endurable, but maybe it isn't even that, maybe the reason why you don't mind the pricking sensation is actually the man causing it.

That must be it, yeah, looking at his side profile while he's deeply focused on work, eyes narrowed and lips sealed in a firm line, muscles lean and stretched as his arms move elegantly, hair pulled in a low bun with a few rebel strands tucked neatly behind his ears.. this sight of him is making you lose your sanity as you gawk at him stupidly.

You don't want your time with him to end too quickly, you wish it would stretch out to infinity, or at least until you're able to come up with a proper topic for discussion, it's the only time you have for such a thing.

However, the man needs his focus for your sake and his own, so no, it's not the right time for such a thing..

_ "And we're done, I hope it wasn't too uncomfortable," he leans back with a muffled groan as he straightens his back, smiling at you while finally removing his gloves, "you endured it well, I'm proud."

_ "Wha.. I.. thank you." why would he say something that is -once again- making you stutter like an idiot? It's not fair.

_ "Alright, let me show you how it came out before I wrap it," he picks up the mirror again and holds it out for you, "it's a little red and swollen right now but that's to be expected so don't worry about it, it should heal nicely if you follow my instructions."

_ "I will, thank you for.. for everything." for everything..? you regret the words coming out of your mouth as soon as they do, what if he asks what you meant by that?

Are you willing to tell him? That you're grateful for his patience with you? For not laughing at you or kicking you out when you burst in without a previous appointment like a normal human being should do?

_ "You're welcome," and he doesn't ask for further explanation as his gaze softens, "alright now listen carefully, you will have to apply a generous amount of ointment on the area at least twice a day until it completely heals," he starts explaining as he gently picks up your arm and rubs lotion on it, "be careful not to wash it for at least a day, after that you can remove the bandage I'm about to wrap your arm with and wash the spot carefully with antimicrobial soap and water before patting it dry," he wraps your arm slowly while making sure not to irritate the fresh wound, "also, don't peel off the dead skin, just be patient with it."

He steps back and holds out his hand for you to take, before pulling you gently to your feet, "it was great having you, I'm glad I was the one giving you your first tattoo."

I'm glad I was the one giving you your first tattoo..

You bid him goodnight and walk out to the reception desk where you finish up paying before finally leaving the studio for potentially the last time, ever..

I'm glad I was the one giving you your first tattoo..

Will you be able to forget his last words to you? Will you ever awaken from your delusions and see everything that's just happened as it actually is instead of what you wish it to be?

I'm glad I was the one giving you your first tattoo..

Probably not.

To be continued..

[blouisparadise]

There are so many amazing bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of December. We’re entering a new year feeling incredibly grateful for the amazing fics we got in 2022, and excited for the many we’ll get in 2023! Happy reading!

1) Far From Reality | Explicit | 1138 words

Note: The main pairing is Louis/Henry Cavill.

Henry and Melissa looked like the perfect couple. Nothing could be further from the truth.

2) Honeymooning In Italy  | Not Rated | 2386 words

Honeymoon sex.

3) Poisonous Ivy | Explicit | 3241 words

Louis is a starving man.

He craves many things in his life. Mainly of those things that he is hungry for are things that had been deprived off of him.

4) Flame Colored Paradise | Explicit | 3282 words

Note: The main pairing is Louis/Mads Mikkelsen.

A side smirk widened Mads’ lips. He looked like a sight straight from heaven in his dark three-piece suit, hair in perfect place, a relaxed look on his face, as if he hasn’t had a hard-on for the last half an hour. Louis loved how Mads was always perfectly composed, never a single strand of hair out of place. He could have his whole cock buried in Louis, with the boy falling to pieces in front of him, but not a single drop of sweat would dampen his face.

5) Alpha Heater For Sale | Ten & Up | 3626 words

He passed by the bulletin board in the hallway, as usual, flyers about open mics, dorm events, and the like. This time though, he stopped when a flyer caught his eye. The words “alpha” and “heat” calling out to him.

Louis tilted his head at the flyer curiously.

It read: Alpha heater for sale! Winter weather got you down? Call Harry for your warm, furnace-like needs!

6) Unspoken | Explicit | 5175 words

Harry and Louis broke up when they were nineteen. They see each other after six years.

7) You're The (Devil In Disguise) | Explicit | 5179 words

Louis is, in appearances, the perfect omega. Small, graceful, docile, polite and very sweet. At least, until the rebellious side of him comes out, which sends alphas running away.

8) Little Minx | Mature | 5514 words

Harry’s new flatmate Louis seems to have a growing problem…literally.

9) Down Comes The Night | Explicit | 5974 words

Note: The main pairing is Louis/Pedro Pascal.

A love story set in the 18th century. Pedro is a painter, commissioned to create a wedding portrait of Louis, a young man who has just left the convent. Louis is a reluctant spouse to be and Pedro must paint him without his knowledge.

10) Our Stained Skin | Explicit | 6019 words

When Louis' 8-year-old daughter shows up with a tattoo on her arm Louis needs to get to the bottom of it. That may or may not involve him tailing someone. But at least he has a good reason for it. Sort of.

11)  Forever Is Composed Of Nows  | Not Rated | 6598 words

There was one time of the year that Louis loved more than any other. It came on the heels of autumn, slowly at first in frosted blades of grass and misty mornings and then swept over the countryside in sheets of freshly fallen snow glinting in the sunlight. With its arrival came the glow of multi-colored strings of lights strung from the eaves of every home and a magic in the air that filled the lungs of awe-inspired pups craning their necks to take in the festive displays.

Harry and Louis spend Christmas Day together.

12) Can We Please Get Back to Fucking? | Explicit | 8370 words

Harry and Louis have had a toxic back-and-forth relationship since they hate fucked at freshman orientation. Now in their senior year, they’ve lost count of how many times they’ve broken up and gotten back together. This is a smutty one-shot from when Louis makes Harry jealous at a club. Harry takes back what is his, and they fuck in the bathroom.

13) Singer And Photographer | Not Rated | 15361 words

Harry Styles: singer, songwriter, alpha

Louis Tomlinson: photographer, omega

What if you get invited by one of your best friends to join him and his band on tour?

What if you are photographing the tour?

What if you're slowly falling in love with a special alpha?

14) Here Where You Should Be | General Audiances  | 19497 words

When Harry, an anxious alpha, found himself panicking over last minute Christmas shopping, he found comfort in the kind omega shop assistant, Louis. He wasn't meant to invite the omega home for Christmas when he found out that he's spending Christmas alone. He wasn't meant to catch feelings. Hell, he wasn't even meant to be able to go home for the holiday. It was shaping up to be a Christmas full of surprises.

15) Under The Rain Or Under The Snow | Explicit | 20667 words

“I don’t think I understood.” He shakes his head and closes his eyes, as if distancing himself from the situation. “Harry? What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Your mum invited me, also, how could I say no to her superb roast potatoes?”

16) 12 Days of Courting | Explicit | 22709 words

They're friends with benefits and Louis' heat is scheduled for Christmas.

17) The Evenness I Fake | Explicit | 26385 words

Harry doesn’t do relationships. He has a perfectly enjoyable friends-with-benefits agreement with a perfectly lovely omega, and he doesn’t see the need to change that anytime soon. The small fact that Louis giving his attention to another alpha makes Harry want to put his head through a wall isn’t nearly as much of an issue as everyone’s making it out to be.

18) Something Along The Lines Of ‘An Office Love Story At Christmas’ | Explicit | 43148 words

Harry hadn't planned on seeing Louis again, not after that night. When he finds out his only competition for a very desired promotion is Louis, he spirals into a mess of trying to be a better coworker and person right before Christmas in hopes that he can outdo Louis' effortless effect on his office. If he manages to get his head out of his ass along the way, it’ll be a holiday miracle.

19) All I want For Christmas Is You | Not Rated | 43253 words

Christmas AU in which a soft alpha with gorgeous green eyes and an even prettier smile moves into Louis' apartment complex and turns the omega's world upside down during his most favourite time of the year - featuring christmas decorating, christmas markets, cookies in the making, and copious amounts of mulled wine (and kisses).

20) Your Gift is Wasted On Me | Not Rated | 54472 words

“He had a partner for a long time, and he says that he was too dependent. He doesn’t want an alpha, at least not right now. But he’s got a pretty severe case of touch deprivation. So it’s … not great.”

“Is there anything …”

“He doesn’t like to be touched. There was an incident a few weeks ago and he just … he can’t bear human touch.”

21) Now I'm Begging for Footnotes In The Story of Your Life | Explicit | 80742 words

Harry and Louis are engaged, but a few months before the wedding Louis realises that they don't like each other, so instead of ending the engagement two of them go head-to-head in an all out prank war.

In the battle of who will end the engagement first.

22) You Sunshine, You Temptress | Explicit | 88148 words

A story about a forbidden love 

& secrets that come to light.

Eyes as green as the forest And eyes as blue as the lake When they met a love began

Stronger than the tide And wilder than a river Fearless Despite the ban

Fairy and wolf Together one

23) My Kind Of Love | Explicit | 108178 words

Harry marries Louis for one year. Louis has no choice other than marry Harry fucking styles. There is a reason behind Harry’s sudden marriage with Louis and Louis has no idea about that. Maybe Harry married Louis for revenge.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

[3luejam]

do any of ur sonic ocs have any facts abt them?????

oh I have DOZENS AND DOZENS of them! there might be some that u probably already know but it's ok right?

Aurora the dragon )

-when she was a kid ( after her home got invaded) she was dead TERRIFIED of affection and trust till she turned 11 and met Espio

-she can fly on her sword in a hoverboard style kinda way

-can go super but only for a short period of time since the chaos emerlads are too strong for her since if she stays super for too long she just- 💥💥💥💥💥

-she does have her own form in which she can stay much much longer in but she has to fuse with Ender to do it ( don't ask how it's just magic )

-rlly likes to snatch Espio with her tail for some reason

-is a huge ass mitski fan ( listens to Francis forever, your best American girl and remember my name DAILY)

-too good in math it scares people

-she's inspired by Mizu, vivi and lotus dragon cookie!

-her voice claim is lapis lazuli

Ender the dragon)

-was cursed to be trapped in Aurora's sword for 200 years until she somehow ended up waking him up and releasing him

-he has no idea what affection means since he was never given any of it since his mom died giving birth to him and his father only wanted him to be a samurai so he thought affection was a distraction

-the only dragon in the Otomo clan who mastered mystic magic

-drunk goofy uninvited uncle personality but he can automatically get serious depending on the situation

-always got pushed away from team Chaotix and mostly Espio since they're the only ones who know Aurora's past and how he'd the reason she was degraded by her own people just like how he was when he was present

-his voice claim is ice king from adventure time!

Viper the snake)

-she cares about money WAAYYY much more than jewels

-her bounty is worth for 7 million! that's why Team Chaotix is so desperate to catch her and Team Toxictry

-her wounds are from a rlly intense fire so she's always numb and slightly in pain when someone pokes too hard on her body

-She's vectors ex! she only left him bc she thought he left her when their house burned down

-she was rescued / found by Dr eggman as she then became a soldier for the iron dominion

-because of the fact her family is poor and barely had money till they passed away, she quickly developed a belief that money was survival

-her voice claim is Beidou from genshin!

Widow the spider)

-shes the bride of endless reach's daughter! who is also missing-

-surprisingly can hold a tantrum unless she loses in a fight

-she has no memory of being in the gossamer clan nor her mother due to her memories being wiped

-#1 biggest BabyMetal fan EVER

-she can go spiderman to steal stuff from the air so no trace / fingerprints are left

-her bounty was raised from 1000 to 1 million because of this!

-her and luchino are the only ones that are trusted by viper

-can fly or glide but she has to sligshot herself with her webs

-even after years her mother is still looking for widow even though she doesn't remember her at all

-voice claim is strawberry crepe cookie!

Luchino the scorpion)

-his parents divorced bc when his mom found out his dad was cheating she tore him apart in front of luchino and forced luchino to eat small pieces of his own dad

-he used to be a friend of the Chaotic but left / betrayed(?) them so they would be safe since at that time he still secretly worked for eggman

-his bounty is worth 3 million!

-his poison isnt very strong so he just mostly uses his wolverine looking weapon ( idk what it's actually called lol)

-rlly likes to break sandcastles for fun

-he's gay even though his color palette is literally the aeoace flag

-rlly big 3arleyhuman fan ( holy shit same)

-is strangley talented with playing the bass and guitar but he likes to make the music sound bad to annoy ppl he hates

-he can't go to sleep without remembering what his mom did to him so he just has insomnia

-voice claim is hunter TOH

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Verity Den

Verity Den plays a soft-focus, trance-state shoegaze with glimmers of Zelienople, Bark Psychosis and Movietone. The band, out of North Carolina, is comprised of Casey Proctor, Trevor Reece and Mike Wallace, all three of the DIY veterans who formed the band in early 2023. Reviewing their 2024 self-title debut, Jennifer Kelly wrote, “Though their album is enjoyable as rock, it is very clearly not just that; it pools and looms and gently probes improvisatory effected guitar zones that sit pretty far from conventional song structures.”

Casey Proctor “Chant Arabe” (Anonymous) from Suzuki — Piano School: Volume 1

I started taking Suzuki Method piano lessons when I was five years old, and “Chant Arabe” was one of the pieces in Volume 1. During my first recital, my teacher exclaimed how I connected with that piece more than the others, saying that some people can emote ominous (minor-key) music more effectively. It was an early realization that I might be one of those people, and I still enjoy listening to and writing with those tonalities.

Mahavishnu Orchestra — “Meeting of the Spirits”

Every Sunday morning for a solid five-year period when I was a kid (like 7-11), my dad would blast “Meeting of the Spirits” while making breakfast. Undoubtedly, I was influenced by all the music he listened to, but that song in particular is probably the reason I went on to listen to other prog bands from the 1970s and later bands like Meshuggah and Animals as Leaders. We weren’t a religious family but during that era we were attendants at the church of prog rock.

Young Marble Giants — Colossal Youth

The first time I heard a Young Marble Giants song it was Hole covering “Credit in the Straight World.” I didn’t “discover” that it was a YMG song until later and then finally listened to the entirety of Colossal Youth. Front to back it’s a perfect album. It has minimal instrumentation, but it’s completely engaged and never boring. Alison Statton’s lyrics are nuanced and poetic but very punk. I don’t know how to make music that sounds like that, and I haven’t heard anyone else do it.

Mikhail Kalatozov — Letter Never Sent (1959)

Letter Never Sent is my favorite film. Beyond it being one of the most beautifully shot films I’ve ever seen (Sergey Urusevsky is the cinematographer and it’s in black and white), the subject matter feels like it’s personally tailored to me in a few ways. It’s about a group of government-funded geologists who are sent to Siberia to find diamonds. Their expedition is interrupted by a forest fire that cuts off communication with rescue crews and disorients them into a survival situation. Much less dramatically… I worked for the US Forest Service for 12 years, building and maintaining trails in the front and back country, almost majored in Geology and was a certified wildland firefighter for a few years. Also, honorable mention, from the same director… Salt for Svanetia (1930) is fantastic cinema and one of the earliest ethnographic films ever made.

Trevor Reece Roedelius — Wenn Der Südwind Weht

Right before the pandemic, I wasn't playing much “rock” guitar or listening to most of my long-time go-to-records. Leaning more towards experimental, drone and synth-based music. A friend put this Roedelius record on my radar around that time and it inspired me to record some questionable but exciting stuff at home. A classic record and always there to help.

Alex Chilton — Like Flies On Sherbert

Alex Chilton & his weird friends making a mess in the studio.

Bill Daniel — Who Is Bozo Texino? (2005)

I first saw this film during a screening tour through the south around 2006. I was somewhat new to town, wandering around and only cared about making art. Highlighting old outsiders making their mark and telling stories through a grainy film collage felt new but familiar. The ethos of this film is one that I still relate to today.

Mike Wallace Allen Toussaint — “Southern Nights”

A totally transporting song, Toussaint showers you in layers of piano and keys, the percussion chirps along like crickets at night and that perfect, unhurried hook. It really captures a certain kind of feeling, that particular humidity, the sun going down over the field. It's strange though because I didn’t hear this song until I was probably 25 or something, so I didn't have a memory of listening to it as a kid or something, but like a lot of songs, it became like a lens to look back on that, maybe memories I wish were there in some way. I guess it taps this strange kind of nostalgia whose origin is hard to locate and also comes with its own load of complications. That’s a part of the Southern experience, too, in a way that's unique to this part of the country. Memory and history are omnipresent, written and rewritten. I don't even hate the Glen Campbell version of this song. That’s its own type of “Southern Night.” Sometimes it's like that. I didn’t always embrace being from the South, but nowadays I’m into it and I know that when I’m living somewhere else someday, I will finally get to have that feeling of honestly missing a place and wishing I was back home for just a night.

Grouper — “Alien Observer”

This is the first Grouper song I heard and I remember feeling just stunned by it. It has this depth of interiority and a meditative cycle that’s like breathing. I think this song really struck me because I encountered Liz Harris/Grouper at a transitional period. After the end of a long relationship, I was living for a little bit with several people in a house in Greensboro, NC called Hellraiser Haus, named because some scenes from Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth were supposedly filmed at the church across the street. It was a show house and the people I lived with were great, but I was kind of struggling with what was next and who I was in the wake of everything kind of disintegrating. There was something so bleak and comforting in this song, I really did kind of feel like an alien, observing myself, kind of detached. A few years later I saw her play kind of a large theater in Raleigh for this festival Hopscotch, and waking up several minutes after she had finished, kind of disoriented and crunched up in the seat and thinking I just saw one of the best shows of my life.

Wong Kar-wai — In the Mood For Love (2000)

What more can be said about this movie that hasn't already? Wong Kar-wai is a master, and a really singular stylist. I never tire of watching this one, but I rarely put it on, it's just really worth savoring. It's also one where one’s feelings may change over time in relation to the basic plot points. Maybe you recognize yourself at different points or scenes than you did before, or see a new detail in a gesture or glance, like every moment’s a prism and would mean something different if it was just slightly turned. Being in a state of longing can really feel awful, but there can also be a kind of solace in there. Even once it's over, you can return to it sometimes, to remember. I mean just see it; this isn’t making any sense anymore!

[gaphic]

answer all of the artist questions or u a coward

WELL FUCK. OK

1. Art programs you have but don't use? Medibang Paint is the only one I can think of- everything happens in Procreate now!

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)? definitely left, but right/front aren't too bad

3. What ideas come from when you were little? I'm not 100% sure I understand this one? My fairy fixation goes way back tho

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw? Boys.

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself. Probably a 90/10 split, tbh? At least 80/20. I don't post much of my art

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it) I feel like I don't really experience this with drawing? With writing and character creation definitely, but I feel like I'm conscious of all my biggest drawing inspos

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate? Hmmm. Legos

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in? Camp Cauldron

9. What are your file name conventions?

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw? Probably swishy skirts!

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what? Just my regular music

12. Easiest part of body to draw? Arms, probably

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing? I'm also not sure about this one? To me admiration goes hand in hand with liking... I respect a lot of artists whose work I'm not into though

14. Any favorite motifs? -patrick voice- is gender a motif?

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth) At home mainly, sometimes at work or just wherever I happen to be. I'm trying to spend more time in Third Places

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing? I can't think of anything? I'm getting better at enjoying every part of art

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what? No? I use my hands to draw

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken? Not that many tbh! I've always been very careful with my art things. A handful of pencils, surely

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.) Probably plants!

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy? HANDS I love drawing hands

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways? Art styles unlike my own are my favorites! Jamie Hewlett, @tanglefootcomic, @ampreh, and @maruti-bitamin to name a few

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any? I always do some light warmups/hand and arm stretches

23. Do you use different layer modes? Yes ofc, great shortcut for shading and lighting

24. Do your references include stock images? I don't have like, a set reference folder, I just google what I need. So yeah, that usually includes stock images!

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by? Scott Pilgrim

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended? I don't post enough for this to happen to me B)

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with? I warm up with spirals, connect the dots, and snake in a basket

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines) nope :\

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically? Oxymoronic. Everything I love inspires me

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated? I DON'T POST ENOUGH FOR THIS but my color study self-portrait was really good

[fox-buried-in-maple-leaves]

*taps microphone, sets it in front of cirino*

1 up to 15, please!

damn ok. cirino favouritism??

Ask Game!

1. Please state your full name and occupation.

"Very straight to the point, I see~ Cirino Alexandre Agosti. I'm a game developer and occults dealer."

2. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

"Like my dick size or..? Just kidding! I'm a sorcerer from Italy, I currently live in New York City. I like getting small pointless tattoos and dyeing my hair. I also like kissing pretty reapers."

3. How would you describe your childhood?

"Typical, I suppose? I grew up with older siblings who always meddled in my business. But everything was relatively normal."

4. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

"An astronaut. I'm still determined to touch the moon one day."

5. Do you have any role models? Tell us a little bit about them.

"Never thought about it, really. Myself?"

6. Are you introverted or extroverted? Why?

"Extroverted. I think I'd die without daily social interaction."

7. How would you describe yourself in three words?

"Loud, fun, entertaining."

8. What do you like to do for fun?

"Suck di- I'm being told to stop making dick jokes. I like video games and going to bars with my friends."

9. What’s your greatest achievement? Why do you consider this your greatest achievement?

"Probably befriending a certain fox sorcerer~ Fates know that's near impossible."

10. What’s your biggest goal? How do you hope to achieve this?

"Have a good life, I guess? I'm just coasting."

11. What does your dream room/house look like? Would you mind showing some inspiration pictures?

"The house from Ex Machina."

12. How would you describe your style?

"Plain or dressed up. It depends on the day or what I'm doing. Jeans are just as good as a three piece suit."

13. What’s your favorite song?

"What's Up Danger. I can put it on repeat for hours and not get bored."

14. Where are you happiest?

"Probably spending time with my loved ones."

15. Who is the most important person in your life? Why?

"Aw how dare you make me choose? I have two. Alee and Heath."

[marveladewithice-blog]

@soxthebox oki dokes i hope i did this right 😌👍

1. i have ibs paint on my phone, but i never use it for it’s intended purpose. i just occasionally use it to very quickly make stupid memes whenever the situation calls for it lol

2. front facing and/or 3/4 is my go to, but i’m practicing my side profiles (:

3. most of my oc’s i still use today stem from my childhood fandoms. like for example, the characters i use for my lil comics were organically my shitty fnaf oc’s and now they’re high schoolers isn’t that neat

4. i love how hands look and when i make good ones i have been blessed but my god is it hard to make a good one 😭

5. i post all of my digital works, but not often do i post my traditional pieces. usually the only way you’re gonna see my sketchbook work is if i transferred the sketch and redrew it on the computer if that makes sense lol

6. other people for sure. there are so many interesting people at my school with cool hair and fashion senses and i have definitely let that seep into my work whether i acknowledge it or not

7. all arts i don’t participate in lol. but for sure watercolors. they’re so pretty and light, i wish i could use them

8. i kind of go through phases for my two main “universes,” the superhero one and the high school one. some days i’ll be developing the backstories of these angsty superheroes, and the next day i’ll be writing all the favorite foods and celebrities of my high school characters. the duality of man

9. i think the question means what i usually name my files. they can range from something normal like “snazzy six comic 4” to something very stupid that i will definitely forget if i need to go back to it later like “OhOHoh DELICIOUS i need to eat this” and i hate when past me does that

10. love me right spaghetti strap tops, they’re easy and look cute so that’s a double yass

11. usually either music or youtube video essays. i made a playlist where i put all the long ass videos i find into, and whenever i plan to draw i just open up that bad boy and hit play, removing them when done

12. the neck is pretty chill. but the shoulders is where the problems start

13. myself lol actually idk i should be following more specific creators and all but honestly i’m kind of just existing and stuff at the moment

14. plaid?

15. usually just at my desk, anywhere else is to uncomfortable

16. not sure man, i don’t necessarily think i’m good at anything 🧍‍♀️

17. usually just water. i don’t have the energy to get food from the kitchen lol

18. uhmmm yea

19. paper that’s in the air or falling and stuff like hnnngghhh that’s so fun

20. recently i’ve been having fun drawing wrinkly old men and it is honestly so fun

21. extreme yet simplified cartoonish styles and slightly realistic styles

22. sometimes i shake my hand aggressively.. if that counts

23. idk what this means, i’m gonna assume it means like if i use multiply or overlay layers. the answer is yes, always all the time yes

24. bestie i use anything and everything i can find to get that one incredibly specific pose i’m looking for

25. someone said they liked my anime art style, and tho i see it, idk i never thought it looked enough like the usual anime art style. maybe it was subconsciously inspired by it lol

26. ngl i was not expecting the monster high art to do as well as it did but i appreciate so very much

27. no, that’s a thing? people do warm up drawings before they get into the good stuff?? maybe i should try that

28. every year i do the july art challenge, which is basically inktober but i made it and there’s no prompts and you just have to draw one drawing and post it every single day for the month of july. i made it so i could have my own inktober during the summer—when i could actually do it without having to worry about school and everything lol

29. i guess just like sitcoms and other live action type shows and whatnot? just shows i watch purely for entertainment and such i think

30. this was the first time i drew something that wasn’t an oc in a hot minute and i think we need to celebrate that

violla the asks have been answered yes yeah yes yeah yea yei

Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game

Didn't see a lot of artist ask games, wanted to make a silly one.

(I wrote this while sick out of my mind last year and it's been collecting dust in my drafts, I might as well let it run free) 1. Art programs you have but don't use

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

3. What ideas come from when you were little

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

9. What are your file name conventions

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

12. Easiest part of body to draw

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

14. Any favorite motifs

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

23. Do you use different layer modes

24. Do your references include stock images

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

[tired-teacher-blog]

Characters : Tattoo artist Aizawa/ Florist fem reader

Featuring : Eri/ Hizashi Yamada/ Nemuri Kayama/ Oboro Shirakumo/ Emi Fukukado

Warnings and Genre : Fluff/ Romance/ Smut and Angst in future chapters/ Multi Chaptered Story

Summary : In a desperate attempt to get closer to the tattoo artist dominating every speck of your brain, you decide to pay him a visit one evening as a client seeking his service. This encounter will prove to be the beginning of something much bigger between you two, but will this new found passion be enough to stand against the difficulties your future holds?

Notes : Loosely inspired by this/ Art below is by the wonderful @/ael-draw who gifted me this gorgeous piece.

Masterlist|Second Masterlist|Third Masterlist

Chapter Count : Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 • Part 5 • Part 6 • Part 7 • Part 8 • Part 9 • Part 10 • Part 11

_ "Good evening Miss."

_ "Uh.. yes, yeah good evening!" did your voice just waver as you returned the man's greeting?

It did, didn't it? Why else would he let out a chuckle while his eyes are lingering on your clumsy hands struggling to lock your shop's front door?

_ "Need any help with that?" his smile slowly disappears as he notices your battle against the entrance lock.

_ "Oh no it's fine I got it! Thanks anyway, good night." and with that, you flee the scene after yet another awkward encounter with the tattoo artist whose parlor just happens to be facing your own shop.

Aizawa Shouta, the man in question, is an intriguing guy.

His ink covered arms— coming to light each time he decides to roll his sleeves or wear a t-shirt, probably hint at more hidden art behind the garment.. his long raven locks that usually sit beautifully on his broad shoulders, are flowing gracefully around his face.. the dark circles under his eyes have never been a surprise to you since his working hours start really late every evening.

However, that harsh exterior does not reflect his personality at all, you're certain of it, and even though your short exchanges have never gone beyond the polite greetings and stolen gazes, something about this man simply mesmerized you..

Who is he anyway? What is his story? Why does he only come to work late when everyone else is heading home?

These questions have been plaguing your brain ever since you met the mysterious guy a few months ago, you've always wanted to know more about him, to befriend him, to have a meaningful conversation, to stand closer to him, to touch..

_ "No! This is not it!" you slap your face with a wince of pain as you snap back to reality, you are daydreaming about the handsome man once again instead of focusing on work.

You flip through the countless search results as you struggle to make a decision, "which one should I get?" it is honestly a big deal.. a commitment.

Getting a tattoo is a matter of great importance, even more so when the person branding your skin is the same one taking over your every waking moment.

_ "I don't like any of these." you mumble irritatedly as you couldn't feel any connection to the art suggested.

Maybe it isn't a good idea after all, do you actually want to get a tattoo? Or is it just a ruse to get closer to.. to him?

You place your phone away and welcome your new costumer with a smile, "good morning Sir!"

Work comes first anyway, everything else should wait till later, it has to..

_ "Here you go! Red roses are the perfect gift, they represent love, passion, beauty, courage and respect, so I'm sure your wife will love them."

The man's eyes light up and his cheerful smile grows wider as he hears you reciting the devine meaning behind his choice, he pays for his purchase and thanks you again before walking out of your shop.

_ "A red rose?" you utter thoughtfully as your eyes study the beautiful flowers before you.

Love, passion, beauty, courage and respect.

Fitting.. although it might seem tacky to some, but if you are to have something inked into your skin, then it has to be meaningful and so, your mind is finally set, "I'll have a red rose."

You take a deep breath and look through your giant glass window at the closed tattoo parlor across the street, "I'll see you tonight, Mr Aizawa."

It is as regular as clockwork— your daily encounter with the dashing man, you are locking your shop's front door when you hear him unlocking his own, and as regular as clockwork your eyes meet and you exchange your daily greeting, except this isn't all that happened tonight, because unlike your usual habit of turning around and walking home, you are advancing towards the man who doesn't seem surprised to see you approaching.

_ "Tattoo, I mean, can I get one?" your cheeks heat up instantly while hearing yourself speak, you're being as awkward as always around him, and wish to disappear right this instant.

_ "Oh.. yeah sure, this is what I do after all," his chuckle is intoxicating, and his silky hair glides elegantly as he cocks his head to the side, "why don't you come in first?"

You have never realized it before, but now that you are standing near each other, he is towering over you, it's almost intimidating to be frank, if not for the gentle smile that seems even more dazzling from up close.

You are right, he truly is beautiful.

_ "My assistant should be here in a minute, but in the meantime I'll take care of you," he offers you a seat at the reception desk before removing his jacket and joining you, "this is a first for you am I right?"

_ "What makes you say that?" is it obvious how ordinary you are?

_ "Well, usually people call to schedule an appointment beforehand, some of them even visit my studio and bombard us with questions to make sure they can trust us with their bodies, but you.." he stops for a moment to clear his throat and shift his gaze from you, "you're something else."

Is that a little blush he's so desperately trying to conceal? No it can't be, you're delirious like usual, and being in a close proximity to him is playing with your mind.

_ "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have barged in unannounced, I'll make sure to do it properly and call for an appointment," you're on the verge of tears as you stand up and bow your head apologetically, "good night Sir."

_ "What? Hey hold on! Don't go," he's fast at intercepting you, grabbing your arm and pulling you back gently, "please don't go."

His grip remains on you, a perfect pressure applied, as if he's afraid you would disappear if he lets go, and you would have.

He's standing close, so close, closer than he did earlier, and you can feel his warm breath fanning over your skin, his beautiful smile is replaced with a little pout, his dark hair falls around his face and you almost.. almost reach out to tuck the loose strands behind his ear.

How long have you been standing there, looking into each other's eyes and saying nothing? Apparently long enough for his assistant to burst out laughing after walking in and finding you in that state.

_ "Good evening boss! Sorry for being late but you know how traffic is at this hour." her eyes move between you two, and her amused smirk hints at something that you cannot -for the life of you- understand.

You return the lively woman's greeting and take a step back, you are still going to leave anyway, despite the inexplicable desire to stay.

_ "Ms Kayama, would you mind passing my seven o'clock client to Hizashi? Also Oboro is running late as usual so would you please give him a call? Aizawa speaks to his assistant while keeping his attention on you.

_ "Sure boss, you can count on me." you cannot understand the reason of her mischievous smile, nor why she looked at you while saying that.

_ "Thank you."

Your blush is reaching your ears and a storm of emotions is fighting within you as you prepare to interject and perhaps save yourself from further embarrassment, but he is quicker to speak, "please have a seat." his voice as soft as ever while waiting for you to do so.

_ "Yes, thank you." and so you do.

He pulls out a chair for himself across from you before picking up a notbook that was already placed on the desk in front of him, "shall we begin?"

You shoot up all of a sudden as it finally hits you, "I.. I'm.." you stutter almost inaudibly, squeezing your fists so hard to stop from shaking, you aren't sure about this anymore, maybe you've made a mistake barging in like that with the pretence of getting a tattoo when all you actually want is to see him.

_ "Is everything okay?" he must've felt your uncertainty towards it since he instantly stood in front of you, his warm hands on each of your shoulders, rubbing soothing patterns while anticipating your response.

_ "I'm sorry I'm just, a little nervous." saying those words is more painful than any needles he could use on you, you feel pathetic, squeezing your eyes shut and wishing you're home alone instead of this.

Maybe you should forget about the whole thing and just leave, you've already made a fool of yourself enough for one evening, what else is there for you to do?

_ "That's fine, having second thoughts is totally normal considering that it would be your first time going through the experience, besides, there are some preparations to go through before getting to the actual thing," his eyes are gazing gently at you as he speaks, "let's take it step by step, and if you ultimately decide against it then we'll stop."

You cannot understand his behavior, he isn't laughing at you, isn't mocking you like you've expected, he isn't even showing an ounce of impatience. Who is he? Trully? And why is everything about him just.. flawless?

You nod slowly and take your seat again, a wave of goosebumps is running up your spine at the loss of his touch.

_ "Alright, so tell me, do you have a design in mind? If not I can help you choose, and it should help if you have a theme in mind." he starts right as he sits facing you.

_ "Oh no that's fine, I already know what I want," you answer quickly before pulling out your phone and showing him the single rose you settled on, "I want this.. this red rose."

He takes the device from your extended hand, studying the picture displayed before letting out a chuckle that travels right through your veins, "I like it, it's soft and pretty, just like you," he comments casually before adding, "what size are you thinking?"

_ "Huh? Umm.. I'm not sure but, I would prefer it to be small, I guess..." you're not even sure of the words leaving your mouth anymore as his previous remark sways you, soft.. pretty.

What is he doing to you? Is it perhaps a part of his job to sweet talk his clients? Yeah, that must be it, why else would he do it?

_ "It's okay we'll circle back to that later, now for the placement, where would you want it to be? This can actually help you determine the size better if you're still unsure about that." his smile never leaves him as he speaks, and for a brief moment your delusions lead you to believe that it could mean more than a friendly smile, but it doesn't, and you know it.

_ "I'm not sure about that either," you feel stupid, it is your first time walking into a tattoo studio sure, but you should've been more prepared.

He remains quiet for a bit and you're struggling to understand what he's thinking, your heart is hammering painfully in your chest as you wait silently for him to reply.

He isn't smiling anymore, infact, the look on his face has turned into one of pensiveness, his lips are sealed in a thin line and his head is tilted to the side, and it is becoming unbearable for you to sit there and wait any longer, it's humiliating.

You open your mouth to speak, to -perhaps- apologize for making his work harder than it should, for being so stupid as to make him dump his work on his colleagues so he could take care of you for the evening, you're trying to speak but don't know how to start exactly, settling for hanging your head in shame instead.

_ "Hey look up," his voice is as soft as ever, "I told you not to worry about it didn't I? Tattoos are not an easy commitment to make."

His chair squeaks as he clearly stands up, circuling the desk until he's mere centimeters from you, the subtle sweetness of his sandalwood scented cologne is tickling your nose as he leans closer.

_ "I'll tell you what, how about I make a sketch of the design tonight, and you can drop by tomorrow to have a look at it, I have what I need for now, so take the night to think more about the placement," his eyes are studying your tense frame as he adds, "and remember, you don't have to go through with it, I'll book your session for tomorrow, same time as today, but you can cancel it whenever you want."

You're overcame with a sudden urge to jump in his arms, and for the nth time that evening you are grateful for the secrecy of your own thoughts as you nod in agreement, "thank you that would be great, but, we haven't talked about the payment yet."

_ "You'll find everything you need stated on our website." he replies while handing you his business card.

You thank him again and bid him goodbye before walking out of the studio that is -unbeknown to you- getting busier and louder.

To be continued..

[nihilisticnomad]

Oh this is very interesting! Let’s see…

1) What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

My first gore fic with « A fallen angel». It was an interesting style to explore, but I’m not sure I’d do it again as the genre still makes me a bit queasy.

2) How many fics did you work on this year?

I wrote 65 fics this year, which is mind-blowing!

3) What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

Forcing myself to write will only have poor results on both my writing and my mental health, so it’s best to just take a breather when needed.

4) What piece of media inspired you the most?

The Harry Potter movies and lore were definitely my biggest inspiration this year.

5) What fandom(s) did you write for this year?

Fairy Tail, One Piece, Hawkeye, The Avengers, Motherland: Fort Salem and Game of Thrones, plus some Original Works. It was a busy year!

6) What ship(s) captured your heart?

Sarah Alder/Tally Craven; Izadora/Raelle Collar from Motherland: FS

Minerva McGonagall/Narcissa Malfoy; Bellatrix Lestrange/Hermione Granger; Fleur Delacour/Hermione Granger from Harry Potter

Nico Robin/Roronoa Zoro from One Piece

7) What character(s) captured your heart?

Way too many to list!

8) Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year?

A lot of them yes, but I really enjoyed writing my first fics for Games of Thrones, Escorial my the ship Cersei Lannister/Daenerys Targaryen with « Of prowling lionesses ».

9) What fic meant the most to you to write?

« A lost child » is dear to me because the general theme is something I struggle a lot with, and in some way writing it helped me cope a little.

10) What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

I really enjoyed writing « The moon’s blinking awake » and explore this new ship, which I now absolutely love.

11) What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

Finishing « A lost child » was a bit of a healing experience honestly.

12) What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

« A fallen angel » since it was my first time writing gore. But I managed to finish it!

13) What fic was the easiest to write?

« Curiosity killed the bird » was one of the easiest fics to write.

14) What were your shortest and longest fics this year?

Longest story is « Be gentle with me » at 1.6K words; and shortest fics are drabbles of 100 words.

15) Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023.

« Maybe their God has forgotten them », a Vikings!AU Harry Potter fic with the ship Fleur Delacour/Hermione Granger. I’m so proud of this story!

16) What were you go-to writing songs?

Just putting one of my playlists on shuffle, and waiting for inspiration to appear.

17) What were your go-to writing snacks?

Iced cappuccino! I cannot start writing until I’ve drank my cup. A little apple pastry on the side on some days too.

18) What was the hardest fic to title?

I had the ingenious idea to commit to two-part titles, so it’s always a bit of a hassle. Tho the hardest might have been « That one love language (Shared by snakes and Queens alike) » I spend hours before landing on this one.

19) Share your favorite opening line.

« “They often found each other late at night, two souls wandering along the boat’s bridge like troubled ghosts roaming an abandoned graveyard.“ »

From the story « There’s freedom to be found »

20) Share your favorite ending line.

Spoiler for « The world stopped spinning ».

« With a mournful smile, she looked up at Hermione before softly asking, “So I died again, mon amour?” »

21) Share your favorite piece of dialogue.

« “If I asked you to hold me, would you?” murmured Kate out of the blue.

Yelena barely blinked at the sudden question, “No.”

From « Be gentle with me »

22) Share an excerpt from your favorite scene.

« Maria listened as her counselors threw slurs and threats at the Northern soldier, her eyes never straying from the petite woman standing strong in front of her impetuous court. Her counselors shouted for the woman’s death, painful and slow, to show the North that their Southern Empire was still strong and unforgiving.

Maria offered her freedom.

Her words cut through the counselor’s shouts, as sharp as the blade she carries hidden on her thigh, and left a deafening silence to take over the court. »

From « Will you be my Queen? »

23) Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

« Tally projected her sight onto her wife, relieved to find that the black and indigo aura of bloodlust that had surrounded Sarah earlier was now a lighter shade of cyan, with soft silver strands that swayed in rhythm with her breathing. Tally’s eyes traveled down Sarah’s body, and she gently reached out to caress the scars covering her back, stopping when Sarah shifted. »

From « There's a softness to you » I don’t know why but I struggled a lot with this paragraph… took me a long time to get it somewhat right.

24) What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

For « Drunken Shenanigans », I was originally planning on writing a very fluffy and mushy love confession, but I was somehow possessed to write a small humorous scene (which is very far from my comfort zone). But I absolutely love the final result of this story!

25) What did you use to write?

I prefer to use GoogleDocs to write, I find it much easier to organize my thoughts.

26) If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

The day I won third place in a Discord writing contest with my story « A lost child ». I’m still over the moon each time I think about it!

27) Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

Sigh deeply and stare into the wall as I say goodbye to my WIP, and pray that someone will enjoy reading it. Each and every time, it’s the same ritual, ever since I posted my first story.

28) How did you recharge between fics?

Cooking and trying out new recipes, or simply cuddling with my cat and going on walks.

29) If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

My grandmother. She has always been my biggest supporter when it came to my passion for writing, even though she doesn’t understand English and can’t read what I write.

30) What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

I’d love finally be able to write a multi-chaptered fic! Oneshot are currently my safe zone, but it’s my goal one day to write a longer and better constructed story!

fic writer asks

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!)

What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

What piece of media inspired you the most?

What fandom(s) did you write for this year?

What ship(s) captured your heart?

What character(s) captured your heart?

Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year?

What fic meant the most to you to write?

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

What fic was the easiest to write?

What were your shortest and longest fics this year?

Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

What were you go-to writing songs?

What were your go-to writing snacks?

What was the hardest fic to title?

Share your favorite opening line

Share your favorite ending line

Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.)

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

How did you recharge between fics?

If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

[pluto-sims]

Colour Of Magic - A First Fits Kit Recolour

It's??? Finally done???? Someone pinch me.....ANYWAY buckle up for one hell of a long post lmao. If you don't want to read the whole thing, the TLDR of it all is: every single item from the First Fits Kit, recoloured with a BUNCH of different swatches including solids, mix-and-match patterns, and hand-drawn graphics (inspired by the copious amounts of clothes I buy my nephews) - and it's all base game compatible. Very colourful, very bright, and hopefully, very fun! Hopefully this will make the tragically beige-reality of the actual kit become little more than a bad, bland dream.

All joking aside, this was actually really fun - if not slightly stressful - to do, and I'm actually pretty pleased with it. I love all things colourful and quirky, so was a bit disappointed by the very muted swatches for this kit. I really hope some of you like it! Oh, and it's called Colour of Magic for no reason other than the fact I'm rereading the Discworld novels at the moment asdfghjhgfdsa. ANYWAY details, previews and downloads under the cut!

@maxismatchccworld @emilyccfinds @mmfinds @maxismatch @mmoutfitters

What's Included

ALRIGHT BUCKLE UP - please note that every item is BGC, enabled for both frames, disabled for random, and has a custom CAS thumbnail. Sorry I haven't done a preview for every swatch, but uh, there's 742 in total so uh. yeah!

Backpack Jumper

32 total swatches (6 solid colour, 15 patterns, 11 graphics).

Baggy Joggers

42 total swatches (25 solid, 17 patterned)

Boots

22 total swatches (12 solid, 10 patterned)

Fluffy Coat

21 total swatches (6 solid, 15 patterned)

Hat

34 total swatches (25 solid, 9 patterned)

Hooded Jacket

34 total swatches (16 solid, 18 patterned)

Joggers

53 swatches (36 solid, 17 patterned)

Layered Dress

45 swatches (all patterned)

Layered Hoodie

41 swatches (22 solid, 19 patterned)

Overshirt

26 swatches (11 solid, 25 patterned)

Puffer Vest

41 swatches (24 solid, 17 patterned)

Quilted Joggers

41 swatches (28 solid, 13 patterned)

Shades

45 swatches (all solid but with three different lens colours for each swatch)

Shorts

48 swatches (30 solid, 18 patterned)

Sports Jacket

42 swatches (25 solid, 17 patterned)

Sweatshirt

28 swatches (15 graphics, 13 patterned)

Tall Socks

28 swatches (5 solid, 8 odd solids, 7 patterned, 7 odd patterned)

Tank Top

38 swatches (22 solid, 16 patterned)

Tights

19 swatches (all solid)

Trainers

16 swatches (all solid)

Tucked Shirt

20 swatches (5 patterned, 3 solid, 12 graphics - some have graphics on the front and back)

Twisty Jumper

42 swatches (24 solid, 18 patterned)

Watch

14 swatches (all solid)

Zipped Jacket

32 swatches (18 solid, 14 patterned)

Sorry for the uncreative names for these pieces...i truly have no creativity left in my bones lmao. ANYWAY this was a super indulgent CC project for me but I really hope some of you might like it too - I worked pretty darn hard on it, had a lot of fun (when I wasn't cursing photoshop), and I'm pretty pleased with some of the results!

As always, please let me know if there's any issues at all, and otherwise, I hope you enjoy! There is a merged package file but please be aware that it is beefy.

Download: Curseforge │ Patreon (both 100% free for everyone)

[thatsthat24]

Sanderstober 2022

Upon request (and because you're all amazing at them), I have a NEW Sanderstober art prompt list for you this year! Feel free to do one, some, or all of these prompts for October! Take em in any order you feel & use the hashtag #Sanderstober2022 if you’d like me to see your creations! Hope you all have fun with these if you take em on!! 🎨 

Day 1: Starting out with a traditional classic, take a character from media or OC and draw how they look on September 30th vs. how they look on October 1st. 

Day 2: Time to shine the light on the articles of clothing we all love to bust out in the fall, by CHOOSING one of those items and making a monster based on it!

Day 3: It is announced, beyond all reason, that they’re going to add a NEW suit to the deck of cards, in addition to hearts, clubs, diamonds, and spades. Disregarding how much this would destroy the structure of most card games, what is this new suit called and what does it look like??

Day 4: Centaurs are half-man, half-horse. Draw another kind of fantastical creature, that’s half-man, half ANOTHER kind of animal! - Idea from Dominic!

Day 5: Take a typical children’s nursery rhyme… and create a thriller poster based off of it…

Day 6: Design Challenge - create a stylish look (clothes, makeup, whatever you like) based off a candy of your choice!

Day 7: There’s a Pokemon based off almost everything. But not everything. Take a random object, animal, etc. that a Pokemon hasn’t been based off yet… and create one, complete with a corresponding name!

Day 8: Take any piece of Western animation and re-imagine it in anime form. - Inspired by an idea from Dominic!

Day 9: Take any traditional Halloween monster and think about what TikTok challenge they probably would take on. Doesn’t even have to be a real one! 

Day 10: A dabbling in minimalism. Take one or several characters from one of your favorite pieces of media, and try to depict them using only simplistic shapes. See if you can get people to guess the characters or show/movie/video game from the shapes and color schemes. 

Day 11: Always a fave prompt of mine - depict a pleasant fall-related memory of yours using solely fall-related colors (red, orange, yellow, brown, etc.)

Day 12: What if Halloween took place at another time of the year than Fall?? How might the holiday look different? Are there any traditions that might change? Any imagery? Any houses decorated differently??? Depict any aspect of the holiday that may look different!

Day 13: Another fave of mine - Take ANY Disney character and depict what they might look like as a superpowered individual in the Marvel universe.

Day 14: It happened again. This time, they announced a NEW chess piece that would be added to the game of chess. Why are they doing this?? Once again, disregarding how much of a wrench this throws into the gameplay of chess, WHAT does this new piece look like? What is it called? And how does it move on the board? 

Day 15: Re-imagine any Halloween monster or thriller movie baddie… as a character in a fantasy world…

Day 16: Using just inspiration from items found in your kitchen, use them to create a flag for a new country - Idea from Tammy!

Day 17: Draw a dynamic duo in a dynamic couples costume (Jessie & James from Pokémon as the front and back half of a horse, etc) - Idea from Cambria!

Day 18: My first prompt where I can take Inspo from Our Flag Means Death! Take any character from pop culture who isn’t a pirate… and design what they might look like in a pirate universe. Basically… pirate-ify them.

Day 19: Taking inspiration from the Haunted Mansion paintings, where the top of the painting looks pleasant only to then pan down to show the situation is much more grim (give it a Google if you need a reference!), create your own version of one of those paintings! - Another idea from Cambria

Day 20: The return of a classic… take any character(s) from a piece of media and depict them in the style of a Tim Burton character. (Sorry, I just love what you all create with this prompt!)

Day 21: Take any social media app… and turn it into a person.

Day 22: Take any Halloween-esque or Fall-based item/imagery and depict it in the iconic style of a famous painter!

Day 23: Oh my god, they’re doing it again!! Out of the blue, Hasbro announces that Clue will now be adding a NEW guest to the game of Clue who will be joining all the other color-based guests. Why does this keep happening?? Please create this guest and what their colorful name shall be!

Day 24: Take a loved pet from any point in your life, and turn them into a MONSTER.

Day 25: Take one of the characters from our videos (or a character from another piece of your fave media if you prefer!) and draw them with an animal that you think matches them perfectly! - Idea from Cambria!

Day 26: I’m such a sucker for this prompt: Depict characters from one of your fave animated shows in the STYLE of another animated series

Day 27: Since this would probably make Remus happy… if it makes you comfortable, draw a nightmare you remember having in your life, and instead of it happening to you, depict it happening to Remus

Day 28: Since we did the opposite prompt earlier… take a superhero and depict who they’d be in any fairytale you think suits them…

Day 29: Take any Halloween/ Scary movie monster and draw a suit/dress/suitdress inspired by their style and color palette!

Day 30: At long last, it’s revealed, the reason behind ALL THESE ADDITIONS to traditional games (the fifth card suit, the new chess piece, the additional Clue guest) was ONE NEW EVIL MASTERMIND! Based on your past creations for Day 3, Day 14, and Day 23, draw what this mastermind looks like and give them a name!!!

Day 31: In typical end-of-the-month fashion, today’s prompt is all about celebrating the reason for the season, Halloween! This year, Halloween’s PR team wants you to come up with a new catchphrase/slogan for Halloween! Please create a Halloween sign/poster with the new phrase featured!! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

[kitashousewife]

Press Conference

i saw a video on tik tok and got immediately inspired to write this so enjoy!

part 2 is up!

pairing: timeskip!atsumu x fem!reader

warnings: none! fluff, lowercase intentional

what an evening. you had been in the city, tasked with reporting on the MSBY match tonight. you got amazing seats, (thanks to your boss) and free dinner that was amazing. it was such a whirlwind of a few hours, but you are grateful.

your first big writing assignment since being hired on as a journalist. your small, practically hidden articles were absolutely nothing compared to the one you’re going to write after this.

you’re so proud. three months of working tirelessly on said small articles, other teeny reports, and doing grunt work around the office has finally been recognized. when your boss pulled you aside and assigned you to report on not just the game, but the press conference after, you were thrilled. after you found out which game it was; well that was just the icing on the cake.

you wouldn’t call yourself a super fan, by any means. you know exactly who the star players are, what position they play, you even tuned into a few of the matches while you were relaxing at home. you happened to followed a couple of the guys on instagram as well. how could you not? they are all gorgeous. however, one player in particular has always caught your eye.

miya atsumu has been a player you have always been aware of. back in high school, when you worked for your school’s paper, you remember your classmates talking about him after a practice match your team had with inarizaki.

“did you see #7?”

“how about his twin, #11? they were crazy talented.”

“not bad to look at, either.”

after high school, you weren’t quick to forget about atsumu. while you studied at university, tried to get smaller pieces and articles here and there, you would see his face consistently. advertisements, brand deals, as well as his rising fame kept him in the spotlight pretty much everywhere you went.

those girls weren’t wrong either, atsumu was quite handsome.

you almost wish those girls from your class could see you now, sitting two rows behind the bench, VIP pass around your neck, notebook on your lap. you were professional, in all sense of the word. you even got yourself a new outfit and matching heels for the event. (you started to regret the heels, but that’s neither here nor there) from the first serve to the last, you were enthralled. watching such talented players in person was a totally different experience. the lighting, the sounds, the environment; everything was perfect. there was only one small distraction throughout the game.

you had noticed atsumu right away. even through the chaos of fans cheering and the loud music, you could hear his laugh and his voice as he chatted with his teammates. at one point you swear you caught him looking at you. having only seen him through ads, billboards, and various social media posts, you finally got to see him in person. and man, was he a sight.

atsumu’s broad shoulders, strong thighs, and quick hands were some of the things you noticed right away. the way he would move his tongue around against his cheek while he focused, the confident smirks he sent the opponents, and his very sharp abs were the things you noticed later; though you are sure he was wiping his face off with the bottom of his jersey every single time you looked. i’m not making that up, right?

however, even with his distracting looks, the game was incredible and MSBY won. you quickly scrambled to grab your belongings and follow the other reporters to the press room.

you had a great set of notes, all of your post game press conference questions were lined up. you hoped to get at least one question in, your boss was adamant that he hears your voice while he watched from home. you wouldn’t let him down either.

as bokuto, sakusa, and hinata came in to sit at the front, the nerves started to kick in. what if i don’t speak up? will they hear my questions? what if they questions sound stupid?

you snapped out of your thoughts quickly as the quick footsteps and loud voice came through the room.

“so sorry, shoyo move in please i need to get to my chair,” atsumu shuffled behind his teammates as he scrambled to his seat. “alright, let’s get started!”

after taking a drink from his water, atsumu looked out into the crowd of journalists and locked eyes with you. your brows raised slightly, eyes widened, and as if looking into a mirror; atsumu did the same. it felt as if everyone else in the room slowly disappeared, like the two of you were the only ones left. atsumu was fighting the urge to stand up and walk up to you, to get your name, number, anything.

he saw you during the match and couldn’t stop thinking about you. he wanted your attention, bad. he pulled out his best moves, coolest sets, and best serves he had been practicing.

“atsumu answer, you’re making us look stupid.”

atsumu’s eyes quickly found sakusa’s; glaring, annoyance clear in his voice. atsumu realized he was, in fact, supposed to be answering questions; not starting at the pretty journalist.

“oh, right. um, yeah, i thought our communication was great tonight, i don’t have any complaints,” atsumu leans into the mic, smirk on his face. a couple chuckles are heard from around the room, and the reporters are asked for their next question.

this was it. this was your chance. abruptly standing up, causing your chair to squeak, all eyes turned to you. all questions forgotten, you start to feel the sweat on the back of your neck. it’s now or never.

“this question is for, well all four of you actually, um, what would you say was your biggest motivation tonight?” your hands shake slightly. you hope nobody notices. you grab your pen to write down the answers. as bokuto opens his mouth, atsumu whisper yells to hinata next to him,

“oh gosh, she’s beautiful. don’t ya think?”

little did atsumu know, just because he’s whispering, doesn’t mean the mic wouldn’t pick it up. hinata holds back a laugh, but the other people in the room can’t help it. the room is full of laughter. but, you aren’t laughing, though. was i right earlier? did he notice me?you feel warmth spreading across your cheeks which intensified as you look up, your eyes meeting atsumu’s.

“oh man, did ya hear that?” atsumu asks you into the mic, his own cheeks dusted pink, with a sheepish look on his face. you quickly nod back, biting your bottom laugh to keep from giggling at the look he giving you. atsumu groans and covers his face with his hands in embarrassment, and the laughing around the room picks up again. despite atsumu’s mishap, the questions continue shortly after.

the press conference wraps up quickly, allowing the players to leave and get a good nights rest. you got amazing notes, your article is going to be incredible. during your cab ride home, you start to plan a small outline in your head. if you didn’t secure a better spot in the company after this, you would be shocked.

after getting into your apartment and changing your clothes, you sit down and open your laptop to add your notes onto a document. the buzz of your phone draws your attention away from the screen. who’s messaging me this late?

an instagram notification appears on your screen. you received a message. you are about to lock your phone and get back to work, only to realize who the message is from.

atsumu.miya: you’re the reporter from tonight, yeah?

[turnpage]

send me a ✐ for a random sentence starter from my muse (1-1500) — tw: profanity, mild nsfw, long list

generator here quotes compiled from here inspired by

feel free to change to fit your preferences as need.

❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜
 ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ❜ ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness.  ❜ ❨36❩ ❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives?  ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76❩ ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ ❛ We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.  ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". ❜ ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly.  ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360❩ ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope —  It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together.  ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase.  ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord.  ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you.  ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory.  ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567❩ ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are.  ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences.  ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise.  ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table?  ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death?  ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047❩ ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ ❛ A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable.  ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. ❜ ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ ❛ Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you.  ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner.  ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away.  ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ❜ ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

[bitchin-beskar]

Strings of Fate

Chapter 1: I’ll follow that little red string... 

Word Count: 1.2k Pairing: N/A Chapter Rating: T (very very brief mentions of canon-compliant violence) AN: This fic would not be possible without @eggdrawsthings and their art work. I’ve linked the pieces that inspired this fic here, and here, as well as at the bottom of the fic. Please go check out their work, it is so amazing. This fic series is dedicated to them!

“Din, sweetheart, do you want to give Grogu his gift?”

Din grinned toothily up at his mother, little hands eagerly reaching for the small parcel she held in front of her, wrapped in plain brown paper and tied with a red string. She handed him the package, smiling fondly as he immediately turned around and plopped down on the ground, holding the present out towards his little green friend. 

Grogu looked up at Din, big bright eyes wide and curious as his little clawed hands reached out for his present. Din eagerly handed it over, bouncing up and down in excitement as Grogu dug into the paper with a ferocity only children can manage.

As he tore the paper back to reveal a rich, red fabric, Grogu looked up at Din, his tiny brow furrowed.

Din wriggled happily. “It’s a robe!” He blurted, unable to stand the anticipation any longer. “Mama made it for you! I thought you could have something else to wear other than your brown robes, and now we can match, and I really hope you like it, and if it doesn’t fit, Mama can-”

“Din,” his mother interrupted gently. “Breathe, darling. Let Grogu get the package open before you start bombarding him.”

“Sorry, Mama,” Din said, not at all sorry.

“Patuu?” 

“Yep, it’s all for you!” 

Grogu looked down at the red fabric for a moment, before looking back at his best friend. He blinked, and suddenly he was launching himself at Din.

His little body flew through the air so quickly, Din had no time to brace himself, and he toppled over, wracked with giggles as he hugged Grogu tightly. His mother smiled down at the two boys, rolling around on the floor, before moving towards the kitchen to get started on lunch.

Grogu began to squirm, shoving the tiny red robe at Din, and Din eagerly sat up, and began to help him pull it on over his head.

“Grogu, hold still!” Din laughed, trying to worm the red fabric over Grogu’s humongous ears. “Hang on, Grogu.” 

Din tugged the fabric down over Grogu’s little brown robe, until he was dressed in the same rich, berry-red fabric as Din. “There,” he declared. “All finished!” 

“Bwah!” Grogu squealed, spinning around awkwardly in a circle, spreading his little arms as if to show off his new attire. 

“Now we match! You’re officially a part of the Djarin family now!” 

***

Din shot up in his cot, heart racing, breath coming in quick pants. He blinked furiously against the welling of tears in his eyes. He hadn’t had a dream like that in–Maker–in years. His memories of childhood were mostly hazy, only coming to him in dreams. Scrubbing his face with one hand, Din sighed. This job was just getting to him, that was all. Doing jobs for Imps always left a bitter taste in his mouth, and he tried to avoid them whenever possible, but Karga had made it clear that it was this, or nothing. 

He was spared from any further ruminations by the alarm going off in the cockpit, alerting him to the Razor Crest’s incoming arrival to Arvala-7. Getting out of the tiny bunk he called a bed, Din sighed again. He’d be glad once this hunt was done and over with, and the camtono of beskar he’d been promised was back with the tribe.

***

Well, that certainly hadn’t gone to plan. 

Getting to the compound on the back of the bluurg had been the exact opposite of comfortable, but it was nothing compared to the frustration Din felt as soon as he saw the IG-11 appear and begin reciting the writ of seizure. The ensuing firefight hadn’t been ideal, but he’d come out relatively unscathed. 

Getting through the blast door was a simple feat due to the multi-barreled vulcan blaster cannon conveniently supplied by the guards and mercenaries. The IG-11 marched straight in without a care for any hidden threats, but Din was more cautious, blaster at the ready.

But the bunker was seemingly empty, void of any life. 

Until...

There, in the back...

A silver pod was placed on a few crates, and partially covered with netting and canvas. The fob’s blinking and beeping was off the chart, especially when pointed at the pod.

Din advanced towards the pod, only a few steps behind the bounty droid. He was confused by the size of the pod. It seemed rather small to hold a fifty-year old bounty, but then again, it could be some type of alien life form. The Client never specified that the bounty was human, after all. 

The IG Unit stopped in front of the pod, pressing the button on the front to open the pod. The silver dome slid open, revealing a small creature inside. As the creature began to peer over the lip of the dome, Din sucked in a harsh breath through his vocabulator.

It wasn’t possible. 

Those ears...

That green skin...

Those eyes...

His eyes widened behind his visor as he watched the IG Unit raise it’s blaster. 

“WAIT!” Din cried, his gloved hand reaching out as though to stop the droid.

The bounty droid’s head swiveled, and if droids could emote, it would be giving Din a very unamused look. “The commission was quite specific. The asset was to be terminated.” 

The IG-11 didn’t have a chance to raise it’s blaster again, as Din’s arm came up and shot a blaster bolt through it’s head, his hand steady and his aim deadly accurate. 

The droid fell to the ground, deactivated. Din paid no mind to the smoking hunk of metal, instead holstering his gun, his hand far shakier than it had been moments before. 

Peering out from a mass of blankets, large black eyes blinked up at him. Ears far too large for his little body twitched inquisitively, and he let out a soft, questioning “patuu?” as Din continued to stare.

A choked gasp escaped Din’s lips, and he felt tears begin to run down his cheeks, unbidden, although still hidden by the beskar. “G–Grogu?!” 

Black eyes somehow managed to get even wider, and suddenly there were two little arms reaching up out of the blankets towards him. Din stumbled forward on shaking legs, his hands carefully grasping the green child and lifting him up and out of the silver pod. 

Immediately, he brought Grogu within the circle of his arms, cradling him against his cuirass, one hand coming up to cup the back of his head. “I-I thought I’d never see you again,” he gasped out, voice cracking. “I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry I let you go.”

Grogu tucked his face into the soft fabric between Din’s pauldron and the edge of his helmet, cooing softly as his little claws clung tightly to the edges of his cape. Din could feel his tiny body shaking, little hiccuping cries escaping his tiny lips. He rocked back on his heels, his arms bands of beskar around Grogu, his heart hurting at the thought of all the pain his old friend must have suffered in the years they’d been parted. 

He could feel the conflicting waves of sorrow and happiness, pain and joy, terror and love emanating from Grogu, the way he often communicated back when Din was a child on Aq Vetina. 

“I’m never going to let you go again, Grogu,” Din swore, as tears continued to stream down his cheeks. “I swear to you, I’m never gonna let you go.”

@eggdrawsthings’s art is the inspiration behind this fic (and all other future fics for this au), and this would not be possible without their incredible artwork. I’ve linked both images here, and here, so please please please go check out their other art and give them some love!!