#always gotta wait to download it for anything decent

[hunnam]

[stutterfly]

Swipe Right 02 | Crosstalk | JJK (M)

Rating: M (Explicit 18+)

Pairings: Jungkook x Reader, brot7 x friendship

Genre: E2L, fluff, angst [later on], humor, [eventual] smut, PersonalTrainer!Jungkook, fuckboy!Jungkook, Nerd!Jungkook, Nerd/IT!Reader

Word Count: 10.2K

Last time on SR01: Namjoon introduced you to his friends and you find yourself absorbed into their little group rather quickly. While on your way to a Halloween party hosted at Jimin’s beautiful condo, you admit to your best friend Jennie that you have a crush on the sweet, shy, nerdy Jungkook. This just happens to be the same night he reveals his true nature: fuckboy. Now that’s just embarrassing, isn’t it?

Tags: Fuckboy Jungkook, let’s play some drinking games, dirty jokes, innuendos, friendship feels, jealousy, flashing, sexual tension, dumbBitch reader is drinking her dumbBitchjuice tonight, Tae makes things weird for half a sec, hint of foot fetish?, flirting with Hobi, flirting with Jin, embarrassedJoon who is also a mediator part time, tsundere softYoongi, Jimin is a traitorous snake who lives for the drama, Jungkook is like the kid pulling the pigtails of the girl he likes, tiniest glimpse at softboyeJK underneath

CW:  excessive drinking,  filthy language

Series: Activate your SIMCard Fic: Swipe Right (2/?- Ongoing)

Do not repost. masterlist // previous chapter // next chapter

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

It's been months since the fiasco with Jungkook. You do your best to avoid any opportunity to hang with the group in a stationary setting when he’s present, but he’s kind of an unavoidable obstacle at this point. Pissed doesn’t begin to cover your feelings towards him and hurt doesn’t quite do it either. You’re angry about the things he did, the things he said, the way he covered up his true self, but most of all, you’re furious that your feelings didn’t just evaporate with the shift in his persona.

You thought time would heal everything, but so far it’s only turned you bitter about the whole thing. He still smells so fucking good. He’s still got a body like the weightlifting champ he is. He’s still dorky and funny in ways you wouldn’t expect a tool of his calibre to demonstrate. But he’s also a player and a crass asshole. A crasshole. Has he ever stayed with the same girl for more than a few days? You’d wager a confident sum of money that he never has.

Even though you hate his guts, your brain still finds ways to remind you that even if he’s a dick, he’s a dick you’re still attracted to. He’s the kind of dick you suck one night after getting drunk on cheap beer, and in the light of day you are disgusted with everything about it. So don’t get drunk and don’t suck that dick. Easy peasy, especially since fury overtakes you any time you look at him.

Pissed at him? That doesn’t cover it. Pissed at yourself? That’s closer, but it's still not quite all-encompassing. It’s some sort of culmination between the two that has you absolutely livid with the entire situation any time you think about it. He made you feel like a fool. You genuinely liked the person you thought he was, and he embarrassed you. That made not talking to him the way you did when you thought he had the emotional capacity of an actual decent human being hurt even more. At least you know now that he’s got more in common with a lifeless, unfeeling rock.

Not that he hasn’t tried to get you to talk to him. He has, texting you jokes, sending articles on upcoming game titles, spamming invites to a party on xbox live any time you log on, making a point to stand next to you, interrupting all of your conversations with an obnoxious “Hi, Princess!” and pestering you until you acknowledge him. Thankfully Namjoon has kept him from sitting next to you when you carpool, whether it be for dancing, dinner, karaoke, or any other external hangouts. Nevertheless, he still finds a way to annoy you despite the barriers in his path, and you are ready to claw his eyes out at a moment’s notice.

To keep your mind off how your last crush, well, crushed you and continues to let you down, you’ve been downloading and trying out a few different dating apps. You figure it’s time to find someone to connect with, and this is definitely how people do it these days, but your experience has been less than stellar. Jennie helped you set up your profiles and mentioned it in passing to Namjoon, mistakenly believing you told your other bestie about it. He's been teasing you about it every week since, but has been sworn to silence around the others under fear of you telling everyone about the time you caught him making out with a couch pillow.

He doesn't crash on your couch anymore.

Ever since Hoseok and Yoongi moved into the apartment down the hall, he's spent more evenings on their comfy sectional than you can count, but always after binging Kung Fu movies and bringing gratuitous amounts of takeout over your place. You’re grateful for the solitude so you can attempt to converse with strangers via text — maybe even flirt a little. Most of your conversations have become stagnant, but there’s been one guy texting you back and forth for a month now. You’re waiting on him to ask you out since you’re too much of a chickenshit to make the first move.

Now, as you walk down the hall with Namjoon, he elbows your ribs. “So... how’s your Jay-Jay?”

You wrinkle your nose at him. “Jason is fine.”

“He text you this week?” he asks, stopping in front of the apartment door.

Kind of.

“Mm-hmm!” Your reply is overly enthusiastic and it makes him suspicious.

“Did you text him first?” he questions, pausing before his knuckles touch the door.

Yes. But only because I saw a meme I could use as an excuse to talk to him.

“No.” The tone is questionable so you shake your head violently, scoffing. “I told him I wanted to meet in person.”

“Good. Good. Either he responds or he doesn’t,” he surmises, as if what he said isn’t the most obvious thing in the world. He snakes his hand around the back of your neck, massaging his fingers in circles over muscles you didn’t realize you’d tensed up. “And either way, I’m 100% certain you’re way too good for him. So don’t worry about it so much, okay?”

He snickers when you cast your gaze at the floor with a shy smile. “Joonie… That’s really sweet of you to say. I... Thank you.”

He shrugs off the gratitude with a smirk, trying to not let it get to his head. It’s true and you need to hear it. He clears his throat and knocks, nervously glancing over at you with his other hand still working small circles into the back of your neck. You’ll figure out soon enough that he’s also buttering you up since Jungkook is definitely home tonight, contrary to your belief that he certainly would not be.

The door swings open and a very sweaty, very shirtless Jungkook stands with his leg propped against the door, showcasing every glistening muscle of his body in the dim light. He dons an innocent smile, spreading his stance to push the door open wider and making sure you get a good look at the muscles tensing in his thigh. Your eyes helplessly scan the sculpted lines of his stomach, even as he purposefully flexes to draw the tiniest gasp from your lips. Pert brown nipples threaten to steal your attention, but you drag your eyes to the ink splattered across his skin instead. The myriad of tattoos that line the right side of his body tell a story you don’t have time or desire to explore, and you hate the way that your brain notes the curl of black ink disappearing beneath the band of his shorts and reappearing across his thigh.

“Princess, you made it.” He clicks his tongue with a devilish smirk as he watches you look him up and down with your mouth hanging stupidly agape.

Feeling your fight or flight response kick in, Namjoon’s fingers clamp down hard on your neck to keep you from bolting.

“What is he doing here?” you hiss in your friend’s direction, too distracted to fight against his iron grip on your neck.

“I live here,” Jungkook snorts, crossing his arms. “What? Didn’t you come here to see me?”

The anger on your tongue short circuits the connection your mouth has with your brain. Your jaw snaps shut and you roll your eyes, mirroring his action by folding your arms across your chest.

Jungkook seems amused by your irritation, offering a small laugh. “Client canceled so I decided to do a little exercise at home. Problem?”

He lets his hands drop to his sides, knowingly hooking his thumbs beneath the band of his shorts. Your eyebrow twitches and your jaw tightens. He knows the effect he has on women. He knows the effect he has on you. You’re determined to deny him the satisfaction so you simply stare him down. Douche.

Namjoon forces a dimpled smile to cut the tension. “So... I brought jenga! Do I smell pizza?”

You attempt to push past Jungkook, but he makes sure to bump a sweaty shoulder into you. “I’ve gotta shower. Wanna join?”

If you roll your eyes any harder, you might sever your optic nerve. “Don’t touch me.”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Somehow you’ve been stuck with the worst jenga player in the world as your teammate. Namjoon may be a good friend and smart as fuck, but he is terrible at anything requiring coordination. He’s been the only one to knock the tower over. Four times now. That’s four times you’ve had to drink the disgusting gin offered in the form of a shot by Seokjin.

“I think I’ll sit this one out,” you declare, wiping the taste of evergreen trees from your mouth as you set the empty shot glass back down. “Jin, jump in for me?”

You sit back in your chair and pulling out your phone to check your messages.The man grimaces at your request. “Do I have to? The odds seem stacked against me. I can only compensate so much, you know.”

Hoseok and Yoongi snicker into their beers and Jimin laughs out loud as he reaches into the communal bowl of popcorn possessively wedged between his teammate and himself.

“I think these teams are very fair,” Taehyung says, licking the salt from his fingers as he sets the last of the blocks back into position.

“I feel like my luck is changing. Different teammate, different energy, come on,” Namjoon assures him, making the first move.

The block slides out without issue and he drops it on top of the tower with a grin. Hoseok hums a thoughtful sound as he pushes a middle block with the tip of his pointer until it falls onto the other side of the table.

“I’m not sure you’re paying enough attention to be the referee,” Jin pouts.

“Are you really so mad that she’s not looking at you?” Jimin teases with a giggle while making his move. “This is one game where you can’t use your face as a bargaining chip, Jin. It’s all skill.”

The older man scoffs, rolling his eyes as he takes a side block and wagging it in your direction. “How will you know if someone cheats if you’re looking at your phone the whole time, hmm?”

“I’ll know,” you mutter, not bothering to look up. “Besides. How do you cheat at jenga? You knock the tower over or you don’t. Team that knocks the tower over does the shots. Those are pretty simple rules.”

Seokjin grumbles something unintelligible underneath his breath in response. You ignore him as you reach for your bottle of spiked root beer, trying to figure out some clever joke that might impress Jason enough to respond to you. You rack your brain, furrowing your brow in contemplation as you stare at the blinking cursor and take a big swig.

Out of the corner of your eye you catch the flash of white and subconsciously spare a glance up. Your stomach flips like it’s trying to win a gymnastics competition and you wish you could press undo on the double take your eyes have just performed without prompt. Maybe he didn’t notice.

Jungkook pauses in the hall, adjusting the white cotton towel around his waist. He’s grinning at you like the cat that ate the canary as he slowly drags his fingers over the edges of the fabric, peeling it from its resting place on his hips. Of course he fucking noticed.

You force your eyes back to the safety of your phone screen just in time, barely missing the flash of his glossy ink-covered skin. When he realizes you’re not watching the show he’s putting on, he fastens the towel around his waist and walks into the light of the den. You swallow, feeling his eyes rake over your form as he passes the table with a loud sigh.

“All clean,” he announces in a singsong voice as he continues towards the kitchen.

You hate the way your jaw threatens to betray you by attempting to drop at the sight of the rippled muscles carved into his upper back and the thick line creased into the meat of his spine. Even with the broad artistic strokes of color swathed across his back in the shape of a phoenix spreading its red-orange wings wide, you can still see the definition of his form chiseled beneath it. You try not to lose yourself in the flawless details painted into his flesh and grind your teeth to keep your jaw wired shut.

Wet, tangled locks of hair fall into his face as he reaches into the refrigerator. When he stands up straight, he arches his back to stretch his chest towards the ceiling. He’s got a tiny jug of banana milk in his palm and he’s working on chugging it down.

He pauses and licks remnants of the cloudy liquid from his lips. “Thirsty. Relatable, right, Y/N?”

You scowl, tapping furiously on your keyboard. “Put some fucking clothes on.”

Jungkook throws his hands in the air in defeat as he casually wanders out of the room. “Okay, okay. I’m going.”

Your eyes settle on the tower. Minutes pass and still it hasn’t fallen. Turn after turn around the table, the game has gone on far longer than anticipated. Namjoon is determined to not lose this time; it’s actually kind of impressive how careful he’s been. You’ve almost forgotten about Jungkook until he reappears, this time fully covered in black sweats and a long-sleeved shirt. The tension in the room is palpable. You’re afraid to even breathe in the direction of the wooden blocks precariously stacked on one another.

Hoseok is sweating as he prods the stack with his index finger, making a high-pitched whining sound as he tries to determine his next move. Jungkook wedges himself between Jin and Taehyung, forcing you to acknowledge his presence as he sits on the opposite side of the table and steals a fistful of popcorn.

After a few seconds, Hoseok sighs at Yoongi. “I give up. You do it. We’re a team. I’m gonna knock it over if you don’t,” he whines.

Yoongi rolls his eyes and quickly shoots his finger out at a random block. It flies across the table at Seokjin, causing him to dramatically duck out of the way just in time. The table erupts with laughter.

“Damn, that didn’t do it. I was hoping we could play cards now,” Yoongi mutters to himself.

“Hey, what are you doing? You almost hit me with that! You have to put that on top! Go get it!” Jin yells across the table, mind already heavily clouded with booze. At least he’s laughing so you know that heightened tone doesn’t indicate any serious animosity.

“It’s right next to you. Pick it up and give it to me,” Yoongi replies while leaning over the table, which causes the tower to immediately wobble. Hoseok dramatically gasps, bringing his hands to his mouth. Seokjin picks up the block and slides it across the surface as he gives you a pointed look.

"Isn't this cheating? Don't they forfeit since it was on Hobi’s turn?"

"They're technically a team.” You shrug.

"You are a terrible referee," he groans, rubbing his temple as Yoongi carelessly throws the piece on top.

Taehyung and Jimin fervently whisper to each other over their strategy before Taehyung reaches out for an easy-looking target. The slightest touch sends the blocks crashing down, causing the man to blink in disbelief.

“Time to drink up your handsome competitor. Gin served by Jin.” He snickers.

Jimin and Taehyung cringe as Jin slides two shot glasses full of the vile liquid towards them. They link elbows and tilt their heads back, downing the burning liquid in solidarity. Jimin seems unaffected while Taehyung’s face scrunches up and he coughs.

“It burns!” he sputters, clutching his chest. He walks into the kitchen, dragging his tongue across his palm as though it will remove the taste from his mouth.

“Thank god. I don’t think I could have stomached another,” Namjoon murmurs, rising to his feet. “Be right back.”

As soon as he heads off in the direction of the restroom, the others start cleaning up the mess of blocks scattered across the table and Yoongi begins shuffling a deck of cards. Jungkook takes the opportunity to slide into the empty seat beside you. You toss an annoyed glance his way in warning. “Can I help you, Jungkook?”

“You could if you weren’t so busy pretending like you don’t want to look at me.” His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek and he smiles innocently when you look up from your phone to glare daggers at him.

“You’re in Namjoon’s seat.”

He ignores your statement, peering over your shoulder to catch a glimpse of your phone screen. “Who are you texting? Is it your hot friend?”

“She doesn’t want to bang you, dude,” you tell him in a flat tone, flicking the power button to hide the message.

“Oh, just like you?” he asks, unable to hide the amusement striking his features.

After years of practicing this song and dance with other women, he’s grown accustomed to everyone wanting a piece of this cookie. There’s no way you’re immune, especially after his performance on the ocarina a few months ago. He charmed you before you could sink your teeth into his neck and do the same to him, and now you're mad about it. That’s your category, right? Your spite is obviously a cover for your disappointment.

Unless it isn’t. His conviction wavers as your jaw tightens and you take a swig from the dark bottle on the table. People don’t get close unless they want to get fucked. Literally. But you are Joon’s ‘friend’ and you seemed genuinely interested in getting to know him, at least for a little while. Most people are good at faking the first time, but it’s been a while and you’re still here. What if you’re actually hanging around his friends for all the right reasons? What if you had something other than shallow intentions? What if he actually hurt your feelings? He sinks back in his seat, silently stewing in his assumptions.

You set your phone face down on the table, a forced manic smile settling on Yoongi. “What are we playing?”

The man spreads the cards face down over the table in a circle, placing a single shot in the center. “It’s called the circle of death. There are a bunch of ways to play so I’m just gonna pick my favorites.”

He gets up, taking the magnetic whiteboard off the refrigerator and furiously scribbling notes on its surface. You crane your neck to get a good read, but it’s still fairly challenging to make out his chicken scratch.

“There’s a lot you can pick up after hours at bartending school. I had fun playing this with the other people in my class but it’ll probably be even better with you guys.”

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ  RULES:

A - Face

2 - You

3 - Me

4 - Floor

5 - Jive

6 - Forehead master

7 - Heaven

8 - Hate

9 - Rhyme

10 - Social

J - Never

Q - Eat

K - Rulemaker

Joker - Waterfall

Your eyebrows furrow at the words you can make out. “This seems complicated.”

Yoongi scoffs, setting the board on the counter and leaning it against the wall. “Trust me. It’s not as bad as it seems. Besides this will be right here in case you forget.”

“Does that say eat? Yoongi, what the fuck does that mean?” You tilt your head to the side and try to read the list in its entirety but still at a loss for what it means.

Hoseok scratches his head, equally as stumped by the list.

“I’ll go over the rules once everyone is back at the table. I have a feeling I’ll be repeating them enough once we start.”

You slump in your chair with a pout as you proceed to polish off your beverage. Namjoon returns and sees his spot has been taken.

"Kook," he warns, tapping his friend in the shoulder to try to get him to move over.

Namjoon isn't stupid in the slightest. He may lack common sense at times and he definitely is the clumsiest person in the room, but perception is his strength. What do you get when you add up the subtle glances, the nervous stutters, and shy smiles? Multiply that sum by the times you've tucked your hair behind your ear needlessly, gotten starry-eyed while talking, or claimed a seat nearby. Tallying your distracted behaviors yields a simple answer: a crush.

You don't have to say anything. You never have to say anything because you wear that shame so well. Even subtracting the stunt Jungkook pulled on Halloween and the distance you've put down since then, it's not enough to negate the total. You say you hate him, but those glances are still there. Pressing your lips tight to keep yourself from smiling has become your default defensive tactic. Playing with your hair quickly turns into tugging loose strands back into a ponytail. It’s almost painful to watch. He wonders if anyone else sees it for what it is because Jungkook sure doesn’t.

Staying out of it is tough because he knows both sides. But it’s not his place to spill the tea to either one of you. You’re both his friends and it’s hard not to feel like the mediator that he definitely doesn’t want to be. You’re adults. You can figure your shit out without him to take care of every little thing. Yeah, it would be easier just to do it all for you, but you’ll never learn that way and neither will he. However, that doesn’t mean he can’t drop some caution tape out every once in a while.

Jungkook digs his heels into the floor and huffs. “But I like this seat and you got up so it’s mine now.”

“Joonie, it’s fine.” You manage to keep the irritation out of your voice, talking over the man to your left like he’s not even there. “He’ll get bored eventually. Don’t feed the troll.”

Namjoon shakes his head and takes a seat on the opposite side of Jungkook, grumbling how you’re going to come crying to him later when Jungkook snaps your bra straps or some shit and his friend is gonna end up with a black eye but whatever not his problem. At least that’s the gist of what you get out of your friend’s griping. He may have a point, but you’re not going to acknowledge that. You’re busy looking at the plastic cup full of beer set down in front of you.

You crinkle your nose at Yoongi but he answers before you can ask. “Everyone is drinking the same thing. Even playing field. Not really fair if someone's got more alcohol in their drink."

You catch Taehyung's eyes across the table and mirror his disgusted expression, both of you sticking your tongue out at the liquid.

"Alright. There's only one rule you really need to be worried about in the beginning: my rule to keep you all from getting distracted. If you touch your phone, whoever catches you is allowed to send any message to any contact in it.”

Jungkook grins wickedly at you, noticing the way you drop your mobile device on the table and leave it where it lands face down. Yoongi goes over the rules one by one and gives an example of each being used. Everyone blinks at him stupidly once he gets to the Queen and delivers a deadpan explanation that whoever pulls that card has to eat it. None of you are drunk enough to believe him, so he scribbles the rule out on the whiteboard and writes a question mark instead. He sets the board back in place and continues with his explanation, looking at everyone expectantly.

He points at the board behind him, not bothering to look back at it. "This is here in case you forget what any of the cards mean, but we’ll go slow since there are eight of us.”

A full round around the table and you are all feeling pretty comfortable and giggly. Some of the more tame cards have made their way into the discard pile beside Yoongi.

Jin pulled an eight and made Tae drink until he said stop, which was hilarious and equally terrifying when you realized someone could do the same to you. Luckily the enemy beside you didn’t have the pleasure.

Taehyung pulls a King and tries to make a weird rule that any time a four is played and you’re all scrambling to the floor, the last one to touch the ground has to kiss the feet of the cardholder. When you collectively agree you are not doing that he huffs and makes a rule that for the rest of the game if you have to drink, you have to dirty talk your beer before taking a sip. This rule makes you determined not to lose any rounds.

Laughter erupts from the table when Yoongi calls his drink a filthy little slut before having to take a sip. Hobi is so thrilled when Yoongi pulls a five and starts dancing immediately after that he ended up cackling instead of focusing on the game. He’s less than thrilled about needing to drink after missing the opportunity to dance so he ends up glaring at his drink.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, you filthy bitch? You want me to put my hands around your throat, put my tongue on you and drink up? Alright then.” He coos a ridiculous sound at his cup and guffaws before taking a huge swig.

Jimin covers his eyes and laughs, downing the rest of his drink like it’s water without a thought of whether he was supposed to or not. He gets up to refill his cup as an excuse to hide the heat in his cheeks.

“Hobi’s upping the game. Woooooow.” Jin leans back in his chair, mouth agape with wonder before bursting into a squeaky laugh.

You gulp, hoping everyone is too distracted by their own laughter to notice the way your legs clamp together. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the actual. Fuck. Hobi. I gotta text Jennie. She’s not gonna believe this. No, don’t touch your phone. Don’t look at anyone. Just wait for your turn to pick a card.

Hobi pulls a three and has to drink again. “Ah. This slut wants more. Here we go, baby.”

You desperately scan the circle of facedown cards, a smile forcefully smattered on your features. You strain to reach the one you’re trying for. Hoseok slides it towards you with an innocent smile, as though those lips weren’t just spewing absolute filth. “I hope it’s a good one.”

Your eyes drop to the card as you flip it back on the table. Jack. You squint at the board, trying to figure out what “Never” means when Yoongi puts three fingers up.

“Alright, Y/N. This is Never Have I Ever. We all put our fingers up like this. You come up with something you’ve never done and say it out loud. If any of us have done those things,” he pauses and drops a finger so he only has two standing tall, “then we put them down. First one to have no fingers up has to drink.”

Oh no. What haven’t I done? What haven’t I done? The guys all expectantly wait for you to say something. You purse your lips as your mind blanks on every moment you’ve ever experienced.

“Never have I ever…” your mouth is dry. “I don’t know.”

Yoongi laughs. “Don’t think too hard. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy, but it does have to be true. It’s not fun otherwise. People have different goals. You can use it to learn or you can just try get as many people to drink as possible.”

Suddenly a lightbulb goes off in your head. They’re all men. “Never have I ever peed standing up.”

Everyone around the table puts a finger down. The mirth in Yoongi’s face becomes strained and his eyelids flutter as he sighs. “Careful. There are a lot of cards left and you’re about to make yourself a target.”

You press on anyway. “Never have I ever had sex with a woman.”

A few of them tut in annoyance as they’re all left with one finger up.

Jungkook pokes his tongue into the side of his cheek. “You’re not living your best life then.”

You furrow your brow while trying to think of another easy thing that could get them all to lose. Tapping your fingers on the table, you make an effort to focus on each one’s concentrated gaze. It comes to you and you filter your bottom lip through your teeth for a moment. Have they...? You’d bet they all have.

Jungkook rolls his eyes at you. “Come on, Princess. Just say whatever it is.”

“Never have I ever been to a strip club.”

There’s a collective sigh as their hands drop and they stare at their drinks. You grin like a maniac, taking in the garbled sounds of each one dirty-talking their drinks like it’s a goddamn orgy.

Jungkook looks over at you, making sure he has your attention as he offers an amused smile. “You really haven’t been to Wings?”

You’ve seen signs for that club, hating to admit the ads garnered intrigue. It’s split down the middle, supposedly one side angelic and the other hellish. “Nope. Drink up, Jungkook.”

He maintains eye contact with you, bringing his drink to his lips. “Maybe I can get you to come. Will you give me permission to taste you?” He tilts his head back and makes a show of closing his eyes and slowly slurping his beverage. You narrow your eyes at him before he puts the cup back down. “Delicious. My turn.”

He flips the card. “King. Ooh. My rule. Starting now, every time you say something you have to start with the word hashtag and end with dotcom.”

“Jungkook, that’s so stupid,” you say without thinking.

“Hashtag, drink up Princess, dotcom,” he replies with an impish grin.

You bite your lip and stare at your drink. How could you be so careless? They all lean in, waiting for the words to leave your mouth. You hold your hands up in a T-shape. “Hold up. Time out. Pause the game. I need some clarity. Do I have to say hashtag dotcom thing WHILE talking to my drink?”

Namjoon looses it, laughing like a maniac. “Hashtag, I think you fucking do Y/N dotcom.”

Jungkook just smiles, crossing his arms and waiting for you to continue. God, you fucking hate him. This is the dumbest rule you’ve ever heard. It’s going to get old fast. Still, you stare down at your cup. “Hashtag… Uh… I’m gonna... s-slurp your fluids out now, dotcom?”

Jungkook’s obnoxious laugh is piercing your eardrums as you down a few big gulps. The rest of the table roars with laughter and heat burns your cheeks, not daring to make eye contact with any one of them.

“W-What was that?!” Jin yells. “You sound like an alien! Can I give you some pointers, please?”

“Hashtag, Seokjin! You forgot dotcom!” Jungkook says, pointing to his friend’s cup.

Jin curses under his breath and stares at his cup. “Hashtag, this is how you do it, Y/N.” He focuses on his cup without missing a beat, raising it up to the sky longingly like he’s about to start serenading it. “You wish you could hear me say this every day, don’t you? You love how my mouth feels on you. I can tell by the way you’re dripping for me, my lovely. Dot. Com.” He makes a point to run his tongue along the rim of his cup and takes a sip.

Fuck these guys. But also… Fuck? These guys? You’re one dirty comment away from soaking your panties, but they don’t need to know that.

“Hashtag I’m sorry I’m not a slut like the rest of you. Also Seokjin, you’re a bitch, dotcom,” you grumble, gripping your knees to keep your hands off your phone. Jennie will absolutely scream once you tell her about this night. She’ll be sad she missed out.

Jin’s eyes go wide as though you smacked his ass in front of the world, a smile is taking over the corners of his mouth. “Hashtag, stop trying to flirt with me, dotcom.”

You roll your eyes but you can’t help the shy smile that creeps in. Jungkook sits up straight and sighs dramatically. “Hashtag let’s keep going so we can get the rest of this bread dotcom.”

Jimin pulls a king and has made the rule that hashtag dotcom is abolished. It comes as a relief when you’re a few more rounds in, and everyone has already consumed way more booze than expected because of Jungkook’s rule. An uneventful round of drinking passes before Seokjin pulls the last King out.

“A rule, hmm? Alright. When you ask someone to drink you have to hold their chin, stare longingly into their eyes, and ask them to drink.” He demonstrates, holding Taehyung’s jaw in his fingers. “Like this. Will you please drink for me, my dear friend, Taehyung?”

Tae bashfully giggles waving his hand away. “You’re too much sometimes. I think you need a girlfriend.”

Since it only applies for certain cards, you end up forgetting about it as multiple turns come and go without utilizing it. Your turn rises again and you slide the eight face up across the table. After kicking your chair with his feet for the millionth time, you completely forget about the rule Jin made and pick based on your irritation. Eight is hate indeed.

“Jungkook, go until I say stop.”

The words feel satisfying as they leave your mouth, but Namjoon grimaces, anxiously baring both sets of teeth.

“Uh… You gotta…” Namjoon taps his cheeks twice with his fingertips.

Horror replaces that smug satisfaction in the pit of your stomach and it churns a sickness deep inside that pit.

Jungkook cocks his head at you. “You really wanna put your hands on me that badly, huh?”

You exhale loudly and tightly grip his chin with sweaty, hot fingers. Your eyes threaten to burn holes into his. “Jungkook, go until I say stop.”

He’s stunned into silence for a second, adam’s apple bobbing ever so slightly. He blinks at you a couple times before regaining his composure. Who knew princesses can breathe fire? Grabbing his cup, he grins and chuckles an amused sound even as you’re tearing yourself from him.

“Don’t worry I can go all night when you taste so good, baby,” he says, tilting his head back as he drinks.

You keep an eye on his cup, watching the liquid slowly disappear. You have to be careful not to let him finish, but you kind of want him to suffer a little bit. Even though he drinks like a fish, he’s still not on Jimin’s level. This has to be affecting him somehow. He watches you through an annoyed side-eye when you don’t say a word, not allowed to stop until you say so or until he finishes his drink. Your phone chooses this exact moment to vibrate a long sound against the table and your concentrated gaze wanders for a second too long, allowing him to gulp down the remnants of his drink.

Jungkook slams his empty cup down in time for you to look back at him in horror before looking at your own full cup. The room fills with the sound of everyone “ooooh-ing” like this is the sixth grade. With a heavy sigh, you bring your cup to your lips.

“I was distracted. I would have said stop.”

Jungkook leans his elbow on the table and rests his head on a folded palm. His smile tells you he’s ready to dish it back. “Mmm-hmm. Go on. Oh… Wait.”

He sits up, cupping your jaw in his hands so lightly, like it could disintegrate at the slightest touch. He leans his head back slightly, soft eyes imploring you to move closer. He slides his fingers up your jawline, nestling them behind your ears like he’s about to draw you to his lips. “Will you be good and drink that for me until I ask you to stop?”

Jin scoffs. “Wow. Look at this guy.”

The others hold back their snickers. Your eyebrow twitches, smacking his hands away from you. Instead you focus on the cup in your sweaty palms.

“I can’t wait to feel you… dripping from my mouth,” you whisper to your cup, trying to redeem yourself for earlier and doing your best not to think about how fucking good it felt having Jungkook’s hands wrapped around the sides of your face. You don’t spare a look at any of them as you tilt your head back and start gulping the liquid down.

“Much better,” Yoongi says with a smirk, but you don’t hear him over the sound of blood rushing in your ears.

Namjoon smacks his hand to his forehead. “Yeah... I’m gonna need you to dial it back just a bit. I still have to see you at work.”

Jin pretends to wipe a tear from his eye. “Ah, maybe our Zelda isn’t so bad at this after all.”

Jimin, Taehyung and Hobi all have their elbows on the table, cheeks in their palms as they watch your throat make its swallowing motions. They simultaneously grunt differing words of affirmation. About three quarters through, Jungkook puts his hand on the bottom of your cup.

“Stop.”

Mercy? From Jungkook? You don’t believe it, but you’ve been struggling so you’re kind of grateful. Just as you’re about to put the cup down, he taps the bottom of it, forcing liquid to splash upwards onto your chin. You slap his hand away as he cackles and you wipe your lips.

“Fuck you, Jungkook.”

“What time, sweetheart?” He grins when you glare at him.

“Just pick your fucking card before I strangle you.”

“Kinky. You know, I might let you if you asked nicely.”

You get the pitcher of beer from the fridge and start refilling everyone’s cups. He pulls a card that has him whispering dirty words into the rim of his empty cup, holding it out for you to fill. At least most of the cards seem to be gone now. You hate to admit you’re feeling a bit dizzy and out of sorts, but you reason that it’s just a few more rounds, so maybe you just sip on water after this game is over.

Just as you get back to your seat, Namjoon throws a sheepish grin your way. “Joker.”

“There’s only one of these,” Yoonngi begins, looking around the room to make sure he has everyone’s attention. “Waterfall is when everyone starts drinking and you can’t stop until the person to your right stops. Namjoon can stop whenever he wants, but Jin has to wait until he’s done. Then Taehyung waits until Jin is done. Make sense?”

Normally the waterfall card is played in the opposite direction, but there’s so much tension between you and Jungkook tonight and he’s so used to his friend getting his way with women that he can’t help wanting to give you the edge on him. Everyone nods. The realization dawns on everyone that before this can happen, they all have to do two things per the rules.

One after another the guys ask the person to their left to drink while gripping their chins. It would be a fairly intimate scene if people weren’t giggling every three seconds. Still, your heart damn near skips a beat when Hobi’s slender fingers curl under your jaw, drunkenly pulling you closer to his face than you’ve ever dared to get. Heat builds in your stomach and travels up your chest, spreading across your back and prickling your neck. You hope it doesn’t move into your cheeks.

“You gonna take this drink, Y/N?” he aks, unable to hold the giggles in as he wags your head back and forth in his steady hands.

Oh… He’s fucking gone, isn’t he? “For you? Maybe,” you flirt, rubbing your shoulder against his as you turn away.

Jungkook sits up straight, muscles tensing as you twist your body towards him. Suddenly, he looks a lot bigger than you remember. Is he puffing out his chest? You wilt under his irritated stare but are determined not to let it show. You slip your fingers underneath his chin, just barely registering the stubble there. Your slow blink hides the flutter of your eyelashes, alcohol clouding your brain with desire. But damn if the room isn’t still spinning. He flashes you boyish grin when you clap your palm to his shoulder to steady yourself.

“Yes?”

“Drink up, buttercup,” you giggle, pinching your fingers closed beneath his jaw.

A choked laugh escapes him. “You should sit this one out. At this rate, you’ll be passed out with your face on the toilet seat in an hour.”

You spin back to your drink with fury in your eyes; if there’s anything you hate more than Jungkook, it’s being told what to do. Especially by Jungkook. I’ll show you, asshole.

Everyone turns to their cups and mutters a few dirty words before Namjoon begins the circle of drinking. One by one the cups come down, everyone seemingly grateful for the person before them showing at least some kind of mercy. You slow your gulping when you realize Jimin is dragging it out in an attempt to annoy Yoongi. Both of them still seem surprisingly sober for the amount they’ve ingested. Maybe they don’t wear their intoxication as easily as the rest of you. Hobi exchanges a worried glance at you, trying to not let it slip that he’s only pretending to down his beverage, but you can tell by the steady level of the liquid in his cup that he’s pretty much ready to tap out.

As soon as Jimin finally pulls his cup back from his lips, Yoongi stops, immediately followed by Hobi. Yoongi is keenly aware of his roommate’s inability to hold down liquor in large quantities. He doesn’t fare much better with beer. Saving his friend means you can be saved too. He looks at you, raising his eyebrows in warning. You spare a fleeting glance in his direction, but it’s long enough to catch his message loud and clear: Don’t be an idiot, Y/N. Don’t go overboard.

But you turn your attention to Jungkook, who is still effortlessly allowing his beverage to slither down his throat. You gulp in segments, a commendable attempt to keep yourself going. Even for all your efforts, booze spills from the corners of your mouth and leaves cold sloppy trails down your neck as you watch Jungkook. He’s not even struggling. Fuck. You finally give up, allowing the cup to smack down on the table with a messy splash.

He keeps going just to spite you, polishing off his drink with a smack of his lips and a satisfied sigh. He rises from his seat, patting your shoulder as he gets himself more to consume. “It’s cute how hard you tried.”

The final round passes and you are ready to strangle Jungkook for the way he keeps knocking his knees against yours. It’s gotten to the point where you’ve moved your chair so close to Hobi’s that he’s put his arm around you, thinking you are just as sleepy as he is. Truth be told you kind of are. The room is a little too spinny for your liking, but you can’t seem to persuade your brain to make your legs get up and get yourself a glass of water.

“You want to nap too?” he whispers, rubbing the eyes he can hardly keep open. “Come here. Let’s sleep together.”

The innocent words make your stomach spin in place but you don’t have time to ruminate on them. Jungkook hooks his ankle around your chair and jerks it back towards him. Furious eyes flicker on him in warning just as Hobi’s cheek slumps over your shoulder and draws your attention away. Luckily Yoongi springs into action to keep his friend from falling any further into your personal space than he already has.

“Okay, Hobi. We get it. You need to sleep,” he chuckles, cradling his friend’s arm around his shoulder as he helps him to his feet.

Hoseok weakly grumbles a sound of acknowledgement as they shuffle down the hall into what you assume is a guest room. Their apartment is bigger than any you’ve seen so you find yourself wondering just how many guest rooms they could possibly have. Then you remind yourself that it doesn’t matter because you are definitely not staying because getting an uber is always an option.

When Yoongi returns alone, people have started migrating into the living room. Jungkook and Jin are still seated, heatedly talking about some game nearby, but you’ve elected to ignore them in favor of checking your messages. Jason has sent you a few messages that have piqued your interest, including one finally asking you on a date. Does ignoring guys really fucking work? Was Namjoon right about something in his life? You don’t want to believe it.

The words in Jason’s message blur together, despite how hard you’re concentrating on them. You’d told him you were out with friends. He must have known you’d be relatively unavailable so maybe it’s okay that you’re in no shape to formulate a coherent response. Still you stare at the keyboard, jumping when an arm reaches over you to place a glass of water on the table for you.

You blink a few times at Yoongi, who simply whispers a gruff “drink” before grabbing the shot left in the center of the table and downing it as he joins the majority of his friends in the other room. Jungkook looks over at you, eyes dropping to your open conversation when you absentmindedly set your phone down. You take the cold glass in both hands and narrow your eyes in Yoongi’s direction as you swallow down a good portion of the liquid.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

It’s been an hour and if you’re honest you’ve just barely teetered back into the moderately drunk category. Yoongi had offered to take you home when he was getting ready to leave since he was already chauffeuring Namjoon. At the time you declined because you were certain that your natural predisposition to motion sickness would be amplified by the liquor in your system. You didn’t want to make Yoongi’s new car smell like puke. Namjoon has this habit of texting when he’s worried. Even after he left you’d been going back and forth about the night. Honestly it’s kind of helping keep you from passing out and you’re reminded how grateful you are for his friendship.

Sitting on the couch next to Jimin may have also influenced your decision since the man literally smells how vacations feel — and god do you need to relax. He’s also acted as a barrier between you and Jungkook, who has his legs stretched out across the cushions to Jimin’s right. Jungkook has been engrossed in his phone since you left the table, opting out of switching off with Taehyung when he dies in-game. You’re kind of thankful for it. Maybe he’s finally settled down for the night. Does he get more polite with drowsiness?

Jimin smiles softly at you, his arms draped over the back of the couch. The pair of you have been quietly conversing and giggling over the platformer Seokjin and Taehyung have been playing. Jimin’s face still looks a little flush with alcohol, but he only just finished his last beverage for the night. How the hell can someone so tiny pack away so much liquor? You hold in a shiver as his fingertips playfully dance along your shoulder, trying not to let on how the action affects you. His harmless flirting only bolsters confidence hiding in the depths of your mind and you stretch your arms up with a yawn and lean against him, knowingly giving him a better view of the cleavage poking out from beneath the v-cut of your shirt.

Jimin allows a devilish smile to curl at his lips as his fingers walk down your arm. He puts both hands back on the couch, like you’d made the move unprompted by his touching. “Hmm. You’re pretty bold, aren’t you?” His whisper is low and breathy, so quiet you almost miss it. What a tease.

“Hey. Jimin. Come here.”

The unusually quiet Jungkook knocks his foot against his friends knee, which pushes Jimin’s thigh up against yours. You softly sigh at the contact and the subsequent loss when Jungkook sits up and Jimin apologetically scoots away. You plant an elbow on the armrest beside you and prop your cheek up on your palm. Seokjin is carrying Taehyung through this level it seems.

“Do you think I should tap that?” The words are loud enough to distract you so you can’t help but turn your head in their direction.

“I think she might be out of your league,” Jimin giggles. “Besides she’s older than you. I thought that bothered you?”

“Oh. No way. I love it. When they have more experience I don’t have to work as hard,” he replies with a lofty sigh.

“Are you sure about that in this case? You’re very presumptuous.”

Your blood heats up the back of your neck. Why are men so disgusting? You grit your teeth, unable to hold in the sound of disgust that makes its way through them.

Jungkook’s head snaps up and he locks eyes with you. There’s something smug about his expression, like he’s stupidly proud of pulling that reaction from you. “Aw, are you feeling left out, princess? Here, see for yourself. Don’t you think she’s pretty?”

When he flips his screen around your own profile is staring back at you. Straightening your spine and reaching across Jimin’s lap for him, you hiss, “Jungkook, I’m gonna kill you.”

“Why?” He tilts his head to one side, feigning confusion and looks at the profile again. “I think she’s pretty hot.”

“If you match with me, I will not swipe right on you. You know that, right? So this whole thing is pointless,” you reason, more for yourself than the two men beside you. “You’re not gonna get to me. It’s not gonna fucking work, Jungkook.”

Jimin’s shoulders tremble with soft, mellifluous laughter that spills from his lips as he takes in the exchange. It’s apparent that Jungkook has already gotten under your skin. Denying it is only making you angrier.

“Fine. Fine. It’s gone now, see,” Jungkook says, briefly flashing you the home screen of his phone before putting it away. The image of that big tiddy anime girl behind all those icons is going to haunt your dreams; you can feel it.

You get up to get yourself more water. “I hate you so much.”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

It’s late. Seokjin left a few minutes ago and Jimin rubs his eyes, unsure what to do. The selfish part of his brain tells him he should claim the other guest room. The horny part of his brain tells him he should suggest you share with him. The exhausted part of his brain tells him to just pass out in Taehyung’s bed and let him figure it out.

“You’re welcome to stay, too. We have room for you,” Taehyung says with a kind smile. “There’s another guest room.”

You still don’t feel well enough to drive or sit in a cab. You sit with your hands folded in your lap, pondering your shitty life choices. You’ve become pretty good friends, but a sleepover seems a bit strange without your bestie Namjoon to buffer out all of the awkward moments.

You smile as sweetly as you can manage, your voice small and borderline whiny in its need for sleep. “I’ll sleep on the couch. I don’t want to be a bother. Thank you, Taehyung.”

The man rolls his eyes. “I won’t allow you to sleep on a couch when we have beds.”

“Your couch is comfier than my actual bed,” you joke, patting the plush cushions on either side of you.

Jungkook walks in, shirtless and scrubbing a toothbrush furiously in his mouth. He tries to speak but it’s unintelligible, so he turns back around to finish up.

“It’s really okay. I should stay up and finish my water anyway and I don’t want to keep you guys up. I drank a little too much.”

“No shit,” Jungkook sighs as he rounds the corner and leans against the wall. “Don’t worry. I’ll stay up with you, Princess.”

Taehyung flashes his friend a pointed look and opens his mouth to speak, but closes it when Jungkook continues.

“You guys go on. I’ll make sure she drinks up her water and gets to bed.”

You glare at him as Taehyung moves in to whisper something to him, but you lose focus as Jimin pulls you into a tight hug that you can’t help but return.

“Thanks for coming tonight,” he mumbles into the fabric of your hoodie. “I’m glad you’re a part of our family.”

You squeeze his shoulder before he shuffles down the hall and disappears into the bathroom. “Goodnight, Y/N!”

Taehyung offers a boxy smile and a small wave, demeanor changed after his side conversation with Jungkook. “Don’t take off without having breakfast. Seokjin will come back and make something tasty. Also I put your keys in my studio so good luck finding them if you try.”

You half laugh, half scoff. “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind. ‘Night.”

“Goodnight,” he says, passing Jungkook a tight lipped smile on his way down the hall.

Jungkook waits until he hears the door close before he speaks and for the first time since you met him, his tone borderlines concerned. “Be honest with me. How sick are you right now?”

Your throat swallows down a thick mass of air. “I’m fine.”

“Tch. Okay, Princess,” he scoffs in disbelief, taking slow steps towards you with his hands buried in the pockets of his black sweatpants. “Do you need a bucket?”

“No.” You drink down your water, trying to focus on anything but the way your body is producing enough sweat to make you want to discard your hoodie as soon as he leaves you alone.

A door opens down the hall and Jimin shuffles out before disappearing into another room. The quiet click of the door closing causes Jungkook to sigh. 

Spinning. The room is spinning again. You hold the cold glass in your hands like it’s your lifeline, shut your eyes and throw your head back to rest it against the couch. You don’t notice when he leaves, but you definitely notice the cold cloth pressed to your forehead when he returns.

“Do you want comfier clothes?” he quietly asks, voice bereft of any humor as he sinks into the cushion beside you.

You open your eyes and glare at him like this is some prank he’s playing on you but you’re not sure how. “No.”

He rolls his eyes. “Suit yourself. I get hella hot when I’m drunk off my ass. Figured I’d ask.”

“I’m not...” you begin, trying to bring your head to rise. It feels heavy and plops back down on the seat.

“You’re drunk,” he states plainly. “And miserable. So drink up the rest of the water and I’ll show you to the guest room. It’ll be embarrassing if any of my friends wake up to you looking so pathetic. Come on.”

He helps you bring the cup to your lips and tilts your head forward enough to safely consume the rest of the water in your glass.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“If you think this is what nice guys are like, I feel bad for you.” He puts the glass down in the kitchen sink, briefly rinsing it.

“Jungkook,” you whine, an exasperated sigh passing your lips with his name.

“What? Your judgement of character is way outta whack. It’s just sad,” he explains, crossing the room while rubbing fresh lotion up his arms. Washing dishes makes his skin feel itchy.

“Alright. Come on. Up.” He waves his arms lets them weakly smack his thighs when you don’t move.

A whiff of sweet peaches and soft jasmine pervades your nostrils. Why does he have to smell so fucking good? He removes the cool cloth from your forehead, earning a whine from you.

“You’ll get a new one when you get in bed. I can carry you, if that’s easier.”

“Tell me why you’re doing this. I don’t get it. What do you want?”

“I want to go to sleep so I can be lazy tomorrow and do nothing but play video games.” When you don’t budge he sighs and sits down beside you again. “And... because... you’re Namjoon’s friend and he asked us to look out for you... And now you’re all of my friends’ friend… And I guess that makes you my responsibility.”

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t expecting you to just decide you’re gonna be nice out of the blue,” you weakly smirk and let your head roll to the side so you can look at him. “Should have known it was Namjoon.

He hums an amused sound. “Yeah. Now are you going to let me get you in bed?”

You’re able to force your head up at that. “I can get myself in bed just fine thanks.”

He laughs. “Your loss.”

You stand on unsteady legs. “Where am I going?”

Jungkook grins, entertained by your lack of coordination. “That’s a good question. Where are you going, Princess?”

You stumble a bit, reaching out to steady yourself with a wall that is definitely too far to grab. Long, tattooed fingers grip your shoulders in an instant. The heat of his massive chest presses against your shoulder blades. Even through your layers of clothing you can feel how hot his skin burns and it makes you shiver, despite the way you’re soaked with sweat.

“Don’t make me ask you for help,” you plead. “Please don’t.”

“Do you want me to pretend like you didn’t beg for it, too?” he whispers, curling a muscular bicep around your back and guiding you down the hall. As he passes the thermostat, he makes a point to lower the temperature a few degrees. Jimin, Hobi, and Tae will survive. But then again, he’s not worried about them at all, is he?

“Haven’t you embarrassed me enough?” You voice cracks and you’re barely managing to hold back the tears threatening to spill out.

He doesn’t say a word as you cling to the strength of his body, looping your arms around his neck and waist as though he isn’t the last person in the world you want to tangle yourself in. He pushes the door to his room open with his shoulder, making sure you get across the threshold okay before helping you awkwardly waddle over to the unmade bed. You don’t seem to notice, and if you do, you definitely don’t comment.

Your hoodie is falling from your shoulders as you climb onto the mattress. Jungkook grabs the fabric and slings it over his shoulder. You’ve landed at a weird angle across the pillows and show no signs of correcting your position so he moves the pillows beneath your head to comfortably accommodate you. You slowly blink at him, but you’re not seeing him. Silent tears rolling down your cheeks as he grabs the thinnest sheet on his bed and pulls it over your form up to your shoulders. He chooses to ignore the way you quickly swipe them away and instead goes to get the cold towel he promised.

Standing in the sink with ice cold water running over the cloth in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into the air around him, knowing no one will ever hear it.

When he returns he waits a moment, looking for the steady rise and fall of your chest. He smooths the hair from your face before pressing the cold cloth against your sweaty forehead, turning your head to the side just in case your body decides it isn’t quite ready to rest. He lightly pats your head a couple times and leaves the room, delicately closing the door behind him.

As he makes the journey back to the couch, he feeds his arms through the sleeves of your hoodie. He settles down on the couch, feeling the warmth of the space you’d been occupying all night beneath his head. Pulling down the blanket from atop the back of the couch, he brings his knees to his chest. He bunches the soft, excess material of your hoodie in his palms and turns his head into the fabric, allowing himself a subtle inhale.

Why do you have to smell so fucking good?

[ambivalent-anarchy]

The Spidey Squad Playing Among Us

Masterlist

Welp, this game is all the rave all of a sudden and irdk how since the game's pretty much been here forever lol but it's still fun so I had to jump on the bandwagon and here we are! Make sure you check go out @chaoticpete's new fic. Anyways here it is! If this gets enough likes I might do an avengers headcanon too.

Thanks to @angelsparkers for helping me realize I wasn't writing complete garbage and helping me to get through it even though she didn't even know she was doing that. So yeah thanks for that.

Peter

Crewmate: Peter is that crewmate that will 100% call you out on your bs, because he knows the game a little too well for you to be able to pull anything over him(because of all that free time waiting on patrol). You think all that stuff with the avengers didn't teach him strategy? Ha! This guy is PEAK detective. Gets his tasks done fast and when he's done is probably spending his time monitoring people on security or vitals. It only took him like 2 weeks to memorize all the maps and where everything is, so if you say you were in navigation, you better believe he's gonna ask you what task you were doing there. And if you don't answer to his liking, Peter will sound the "sus" alarm on you in two point five seconds and have everyone voting you out. He's probably the only person that could figure out MJ when she's the impostor. So if you're the impostor, watch your words and make sure your alibis are strong cuz little Petey ain't playin' no games. Definitely gets attacked from time to time by those people that are always like "sMaRt PpL rUiN tHe GaMe"

Impostor: He's pretty much the most average impostor. Sometimes he doesn't know what to say when people call him sus and he'll get voted out because he's being "too quiet" or because Ned keeps defending him. He'll mess up every now and then but for the most part, he's pretty decent. His style is usually to stay in the vents most of the game and kill when only one person's around. He probably bribes Ned to not rat him out by promising him that he won't kill him.

Name: It used to be just Peter, but soon he wanted an actual cool name so he chose Sherlock because of all the times when he was "too smart" and won the game too quickly and people would go "pack it up Sherlock" and vote him out.

Favorite color to be: It used to be red, but he quickly found that the more he was red the more people found him "sus" so now he's usually either blue or cyan

Ned

Crewmate: Pretty average crewmate. 80% of the time is covering for Peter, even if Peter is the impostor. Won't do much calling people out unless he's absolutely sure that he saw a kill or vent. Pretty chill and easily persuadable. You'd definitely want him on your team. If he ever gets wrongfully ejected he's the one that pitifully tries to plead his case saying stuff like "what???" and "guys it's not me!!!!" which doesn't really convince anyone and just makes him look more guilty. He'll still do his tasks after though.

Impostor: He's the impostor that doesn't want to be the impostor. If you're texting then maybe he can hold his own, but if you're doing voice chats, there's no way this guy is getting past ANYONE. He has so many tells that it's ridiculous. Is actually scared to vent too much because he's always paranoid that someone's gonna be right there when he jumps out. 8/10 the crewmates win when he's the imposter because he'll just kill like only two people the entire time or gets caught really early on.

Name: Probably some sci-fi reference like r2d2 or Potter

Favorite color to be: Yellow or white because he says those are the most "innocent" colors and he'll be less likely to get voted if he's those (not true but we'll let him believe it)

MJ

Crewmate: Suspicion times 100. Her motto: trust no one. Will get you kicked out in a heartbeat with a quick "trust me. if it's not them vote me next." An absolute unit but will never be caught getting emotional over a game. If she's ever wrongfully ejected her last words will be "whatever. go ahead. vote me and lose." She'll just come back in the next game with a vengeance and false accusations ready, not caring if the entire team loses because of it. She's especially dangerous to have because people usually trust her word. She always finds a way to seem the least suspicious. Though sometimes she'll get suspected because of her quiet nature. There's always that one guy that's ready to go "uR qUiEt ThAt'S sUs!!"

Impostor: If MJ is the impostor, you can just throw your whole phone away. You're not winning that game. Like, ever. She will do whatever it takes to win, even sell out her own her partner. On the off chance that you catch her being suspicious, she'll sabotage a bunch of things so that you can't call meetings and then she'll kill you when no one's around. She is ruthless and will hurt your feelings with the way that she will own everyone in the game. Hardly anyone ever expects her. Thrives on venting. You won't see her you'll just be doing a task and suddenly you'll be dead.

Name: Used to be just MJ but she got annoyed with all the people in the messages who always assumed she meant Michael Jackson or Michael Jordan so she changed it to Michelle

Favorite color to be: She literally doesn't care either way. Won't change the gameplay so why bother? Whatever color she ends up with she'll be fine.

Betty

Crewmate & Impostor: The most average player of them all. She wins some, she loses some. Nice partner to have though, because she'll never give you away. Probably the first to die most times. If she ever gets wrongfully ejected she's the one that uses her last words to say who she thinks it and doesn't even try to plead her case once it starts to look bad for her. She just finished the rest of her tasks.

Name: Probably either her name or some nickname or inside joke. Idk she just seems like the type of person to have a reference to something that absolutely nobody knows

Favorite color to be: Pink. Just because she likes pink.

Flash

Crewmate: Claims things are sus even if they aren't. Will totally be biased based on names. Anybody who knows him will never count him as a credible source. Gets voted out quickly alot because of how annoying he is in the game.

Impostor: He's the easiest to figure out. He's the impostor that obnoxiously accuses literally everyone else. And in all capital letters too. "ITS RED I STG. IF IT'S NOT HIM VOTE ME NEXT!" Calls everyone sus and always claims he's seen people running from the body. He usually self-reports and goes for the easy marks in electrical. He's not that good (even though he thinks he is) and it takes anyone with a brain to figure him out. Peter and MJ are bane of his existence in that game. If he gets wrongfully ejected he'll rage and probably leave the game like the little crybaby he is.

Name: Spideys#1 because he's really just THAT obsessed. Or when he's really feeling "teenage boy" he'll be cOchieman

Favorite color to be: Red because sPiDeRmAn'S hIs BeSt FrIeNd (ahahaha if only he knew)

May

She didn't know this game at all until Peter introduced her to it one day because he was bored. She LOVED it. He had to pry it out of her hands after she kept repeating "Hold on, one more!" So she downloaded on her phone and now she plays it whenever she's bored.

Crewmate: Average. Same as Betty.

Impostor: The way May can actually dominate being the impostor is sort of scary. And she'd always be the last person you'd expect because she just has that trusting vibe about her. Sometimes she'll mess up and give herself away, but for the most part, she's pretty good. Doesn't vent much. Just like Ned, she doesn't trust it.

Name: Madonna

Favorite color to be: She doesn't care much but she prefers to be purple, cyan, or orange

Funny Moment

《Peter calls an emergency meeting 10 seconds into the game》

- Michelle: what

- Betty: what

- Michelle: skip

- r2d2: bro already?

- Sherlock: okay everyone just listen

- k0chieman: bruh

- Michelle: okay listen to what

- Sherlock: flash what task are you doing

- Betty: alright were listening

- k0chieman: the divert thingy in navi

- r2d2: pete what is this

- Sherlock: yeah dude that diverty thingy is the second of two steps

- Sherlock: u never did the first

- Sherlock: which means ur an impostor faking

- Michelle: flash?

- k0chieman: no

- k0chieman: i did do it

- r2d2: the times low we gotta decide guys

- Sherlock: if you did it wouldve taken you 12-15 seconds to get there and were not that far in the game

- Sherlock: u cant already be doing it

- Sherlock: everybody vote flash

- r2d2: petes on x games mode

- Michelle: damn dude

- k0chieman: wtf parker

- Sherlock: bye dude

- Sherlock: worlds greatest detective strikes again

- Michelle: okay calm down pete

《couple seconds later》

. 　　　。　　　　•　 　ﾟ　　。 　　.

　　　.　　　 　　.　　　　　。　　 。　. 　

.　　 。　　　　　 ඞ 。 . 　　 • 　　　　•

　　ﾟ　　 Flash was An Impostor.　 。　.

　　'　　　 1 Impostor remains 　 　　。

　　ﾟ　　　.　　　. ,　　　　.　 .

Best Imposter Combos

Peter & Ned: Goes without saying. Nine times out of ten they're in the same room while playing this so they can just talk strategy to each other and take everyone out really quickly. Really annoying for everybody else, but they'll win so they're happy.

MJ & Peter: These two together are a force to be reckoned with. The second they see that they're both impostors they call each other up and get to business like they're on a mission. This stuff is serious. (More for Peter than MJ. She has to keep telling him that it's just a game.) He stays on security stuff, telling her when it's safe, and she racks up the kills. When things get heavy, they sabotage and then go on a spree. These two hardly ever lose. (When the whole squad is together whoever's in charge [if it's not Pete or MJ] usually puts the kill cooldown at max just in case these two get that they can't be at full power)

MJ & Betty: Betty isn't afraid to sacrifice herself so that they'll win and MJ is ruthless and quick with her kills. Both have the smarts to be able to be extremely persuasive and you'd hate for them to pick you to frame. Because being put against those two in the chatroom will lead you nowhere but abyss of space.

May & Peter: Parkers united. 'Nough said.

Tagging: @spideyyeet, @soft-petey, @spidey-reids-2003, @spidey-boy-89, @sovereignparker, @bubblebucky, @underoosjae

[plasticgardengnomes]

Snowy Escape Musings

Just some thoughts on the new expansion AND the new free updates. Just gotta get it out somewhere! Under the cut so as not to bother anyone with a potentially long post of my personal opinions haha.

I am so excited to be able to have rental/vacation lots on non vacation worlds! While I am sad that you can’t live in Selvadorada I am at least USED to that since in both TS2 and TS3 you couldn’t live in vacation worlds without mods (although sims 4 is supposed to IMPROVE upon these features but I digress). I can’t wait for bed and breakfasts in Windenburg and tropical resorts in Sulani! 

I’m not a very good builder but it is awesome that you can do split levels purely for the awesome builds I know are going to come from the community. Can’t wait to download them!

Sentiments seem interesting. I’ve seen a lot about how they have the potential to be rendered completely useless due to the fact that the buffs they give can be easily overtaken by other buffs. In the stream this sim had a rage buff from being near an enemy with a +1 and was EASILY negated by all the energetic buffs he had from various things. I hope modders might be able to adjust it and make it more meaningful and impactful. Otherwise it’s a neat idea. Definitely not what we needed (i.e. overhauling the already bland and useless trait, whim, and relationship system OR adding a decent memory system) but cool nonetheless.

Lifestyles are...eh. I miss hobbies from sims 2. There really don’t seem to be very many lifestyles and frankly they just seem like what the traits SHOULD be (i.e. add buffs, make certain tasks easier and others more difficult, affect needs or skill gains). Like we already have an active, romantic, outdoorsy, etc. trait that should have already been doing what the lifestyles are now going to do so...falls flat for me. And there just aren’t enough to make your sims unique especially considering how shallow and basic they are. I would have preferred that they just fix the traits and add a hobbies/interests system like sims 2 had. Oh and fixed the whims that they seem to just be avoiding lol.

The world itself looks visually great. I like the addition of unique cultural things that also add some gameplay (can you take your shoes off in any world? Please say yes. I don’t know anybody here in the US who keeps their shoes on indoors). The build/buy looks awesome. CAS looks awesome. Sims 4 is nothing if not a pretty game. The mascot is pretty cute. I love the addition of actual hiking and being able to go as a group and autonomously take pictures (do they actually save anywhere?). The festivals seem alright. I don’t mind the festivals in City Living IN THEORY but in practice I do them once with each new family and then never go again because....why? They are also buggy and not worth the effort. We’ll see how these go.

The new activities are, again, cool. The hot pot at the kotatsu (I believe that’s right) is awesome. The snow sports are very cool (but too bad you can’t just go sledding in other worlds). I already love the little Simmies that you can collect as collectables ALWAYS add more gameplay and fun to sims. Again hiking looks fun but I really hope it applies to Granite Falls because...that would make sense there’s literally no reason why you shouldn’t be able to really hike in that world. Festivals I talked about above along with Yamachan. Onsen/hot springs are also pretty nice but we’ll see how much it really does for your sims that makes it better than just a hot tub or sauna. Am I missing any gameplay? Oh yea, mountain climbing.

Here’s the thing...I’m not sold on the mountain climbing. It seems boring to me. You’re just having sims climb different levels and making sure their needs don’t decay too much. Then you get to the top and it’s empty. Yes you can build on there but is it really worth that effort to go back up afterwards? And the little cave you can explore is pointless to me. What happened to the what they did for basegame in Willow Creek and Oasis Springs where going in those holes (tree or mine) actually took you somewhere? Either way I don’t think I’ll be risking my sims life for mountain climbing in this pack. 

All those deco buildings that you can’t do anything with! So boring. So lifeless. Why are they so afraid of rabbit holes? Yes we can build our own retail stores but why should I have to use my empty lots on putting down a bunch of stores (unless I want to) when they could just include rabbit holes on those deco buildings? Seriously they could do this in every world like sims 3 (yes I know you put those on lots but you could also really customize worlds in that game so it’s different to me). Grocery store, gardening shop, clothes shop, etc. Plopsy has a randomized item list so I don’t see why they couldn’t also do that with these hypothetical rabbit holes too (different seeds, flowers, fresh produce, etc). Enough with all those boring swag stalls all over the place. Food stalls can stay. And anyway, I really miss souvenirs from sims 2/sims 3 can they please bring that back?!?

And you can’t use the train?!?! So lame. Seriously just...why focus on it so much in the trailer. That whole welcome wagon at the train station was just scripted junk. AND NO SIMSTAGRAM updates which stinks. Cute editing but would have been nice to make it a feature. Seriously if modders can (and do) add their own useable social media apps why can’t the sims just add more to the one they already have? They just teased us (probably unintentionally cause they just seem so oblivious sometimes).

Uniforms are cute but I really wish they added back private schools like the other games. The world specific addons really bother me because all these packs lately just seem to only be tied to whatever new world got added and it literally does nothing to build on basegame and if I’m not in that world I honestly forget what I even bought the packs for. I’m absolutely all for adding special cultural and world specific things in packs but they could AT LEAST also add other gameplay things that affect just basic gameplay. Make it worth the $40.

This was super long but I have a lot of feelings about sims 4 expansions as we’ve been through a lot of them and are usually left wanting. I am NOT looking forward to these updates breaking my mods but I will buy the pack because there are things about it I think I’ll really enjoy. Worth $40 though? Eh I don’t think so but that’s EA for you. If you actually read this thanks! 

[kh-imaginings]

Got any romantic Terra headcannons 👀 -Emmy 💝

Heck YES I do. Glad to see you again, Emmy!

Start off with something easy, terra HATES cooking. He can’t stand it, it’s annoying, takes too long. Prefers to eat out rather than make anything for himself. BUT! For you, he’d do anything. If you say “Oh, I wish I could have a home-cooked meal for once this week.” that man is going to MAKE YOU SOME DIN-DINS! He can make edible food, he can read directions on a box, but he’s no gordon ramsey or anything. Just tell him to watch an episode of julia child or rachel ray, and the food will be a-ok! ;)

side note: if you can cook (even if it’s just decent) you’re a goddess in his eyes. how could he ever live without you? You can decide whether or not you want to cook regularly for the both of you, he won’t ask you to do more than you’re willing. but if you do decide to make a meal, he’s struggling to keep the tears down. He’s just lucky someone put in the effort to feed him.

Enjoys picking flowers for you. Just for you! It’s easier when they’re wild flowers, but if those aren’t available he might try to nick them from a nearby garden (tsk tsk naughty!). he ends up doing some yard work for the neighbor lady or whoever in order to make friends with them and have access to a couple of those flowers they have growing. Not too many, don’t want to over-step any boundaries, but a couple to bring home to you. 

If you ever express a desire for the flowers that won’t die so soon, he’ll bring in some buds or some seeds and start a little patch of flowers for you. Once again, he’d do pretty much anything for you. He loves you!

he likes incorporating you, or including you in his training. Just sit on his back while he does push-ups, or hold onto him while he does pull-ups. He just wants some support. If that’s not your thing, why not sit down with a book nearby, shoot him a smile periodically and if gives him the warm fuzzies inside whenever he looks at you ^///^

One thing I think he’d be into, if reading a book with you. Like you both switch off reading it aloud to one another. It may take some time to find a book you’ll both like, and won’t bore terra to tears (he’s not really into it, tbh. prefers audio books. SPEAKING OF AUDIO BOOKS GO TO A*DIBLE.COM TO DOWNLOAD YOU’RE FREE TRIAL OF- lolz, jk!). 

Likes kissing your hand and your forehead. Those are his favorites (also he’s a tree so those are the easiest to reach)

Is a big spoon, you’d think he’d be good with a jetpack but nope! He’s a big spoon all the way! If you wanna be big spoon you have to catch him when he’s sleeping, he won’t try to peel you off of him unless he’s gotta go to work/train, or it’s summer and it’s TOO DANG HOT!

He might act like asking for cuddles is such a distraction, but he loves it. He loves when you ask for cuddles, he’ll always make time for you. At most he’ll make you wait 15 minutes, but he can’t leave you alone for too long, he can’t let you down! 

[yung-tamale]

How to Pass Your Drivers Exam (and What You Probably Won’t Learn in School)

You’ve finally gotten your drivers permit. Congratulations! 

You are now one step closer to getting your drivers license, which is an important milestone which most people strive to achieve. 

However, there are some things you can do in order to possibly pass your exam, and get that drivers license. 

Here are some tips/tricks which really helped me:

Practice as much as possible. In your driveway. On your street. Practice in an empty parking lot. Since you have your permit, you cannot practice alone, especially if you’re on the road.

Make sure the person who is in the passenger seat while you are practicing has good driving experience. This person should make you feel safe and at ease, because you should feel calm and good when you drive. 

Take any constructive criticism. People want to see you pass, and most of the times, they’re doing it for your own good. If the person in the passenger seat (so like, a parent/guardian) starts yelling at you and makes you feel bad, and they say mean things, ignore the mean things and try your best. Prove everybody wrong. 

Actually go the speed limit. Yeah, it’s cool to live dangerously, but you can jam out and be a law abiding person (ha). It’s lame, but it’s a good habit to have. Don’t mind if the people around you are going 90 MPH on the interstate; they’ll get pulled over and get a ticket one day for speeding. 

It is scary, but practice driving on the interstate. At 9 AM. At 12 PM. Choose high traffic times, and be careful. Learn how to merge onto the interstate, and how to exit. I don’t like driving on the interstate, but you need to know how to drive with a lot of cars around you, especially if you live in an area that has bad traffic (or drivers!). 

Also, try driving at night time. Very early in the morning. As the run rises. Wear sunglasses, if needed, but don’t wear these during your exam. 

Go to different areas to drive. Rural areas with hills and curves on the roads. Small towns (I am from a small town). Suburban areas with narrow roads. Medium sized towns. Big towns, wherever. You will need to know how to drive anywhere. 

You don’t have to be a road genius when it comes to instructions. Use a GPS, and try to memorize the ways to get to certain places. And please, know your home address. 

Parallel parking. The three point turn. Practice these things too. Different states have different requirements, but most states will ask you to do one or two of these things. Practice driving your car in reverse, in a straight line. Practice driving, and then suddenly braking the car, to practice in case if there was an emergency. Also, knowing how to do a two point turn helps. 

Try to keep your car clean and in good condition. This means no dirty windows, having decent tires, and making sure that you check your oil every once in awhile, and ect. I like to keep an air freshener in mine. Trust me, having a clean car is better than a junky one. It will also make a better impression on your test evaluator whenever you go get your license. 

Your mirrors are there for a reason. Adjust them if you have to, and same goes for your seat. When you take the test, it is a good idea to definetely glance at them.

If you’re like me, and get anxiety, try putting on some music that you like while you drive. Of course, you can’t have the radio on during your real drivers exam, but it is a good thing to have whenever you are learning to drive. Have fun, but remember that you cannot always be blaring your music, especially if there are cop cars or ambulances that need to get by.  

Read. The. Book. No, I don’t mean skipping the book the day you go. I mean actually sitting down, and reading every page of the drivers manual. You can get a physical copy at most DMVs, or download one online. Make sure it’s up to date. The book has information on driving laws, and most come with the meanings of all the road signs. Which brings me to ...

The road signs, you gotta know them. All of them. OK, maybe not all of them, but the majority of them. I remember on my first attempt, they made me make a small quiz on 12 road signs (in my state, I believe you had to get at least half of them right to pass). This was AFTER I took the test for my permit. These never go away. 

Insurance! Is lame, but you need insurance. It is not “hip” to not have insurance. No, you need this. Some states will jail or fine you (or both) for not having it if you are caught.The money you or your parents or whoever that’s paying the insurance is more important than your Starbucks drink, a new phone, or some other stuff. This is something you have to pay every month, and something that could save your ass one day. Use it. You will need a paper or a card stating that you have insurance to use as a proof of insurance whenever you go get your license. 

NO BRAINER: DO NOT TEXT AND DRIVE. I REPEAT, DO NOT TEXT AND DRIVE. Your Snapchat or Instagram or a text or what the fuck ever can wait until later. You can reply to those messages later, but you can’t go back and undo a car accident or fatal death. This especially goes during the exam. 

Also, PUT ON YOUR SEAT BELT. I HAVE KNOWN PEOPLE WHO HAVE DIED BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T HAVE A SEAT BELT ON. You know how in movies, people go flying? Yeah, that is what could happen. This also goes for any passengers. 

NO DRUNK OR DRUG DRIVING. Know your laws in your state about this. And in the name of all that does not suck, call a damn Uber or your mom or friend or whoever if you get drunk or high and cannot drive. Hell, sleep over. You might get in trouble, but at least you are still alive. 

If you get stopped by the cops while you have your permit and you are doing some bad stuff, they will probably give you a ticket. This could mean you would have to wait several months or even a year to get your license. 

You must own the title of your car. The people at the DMV need to see it. Don’t have it? Great, people will think you have a stolen car. You cannot forget this!

Check out the reviews of the DMV that you plan on going to. Honestly, don’t go to one that has terrible reviews. Read the reviews (on Google or whatever), and go to whichever one is closest to you that has the best reviews (at least 3/5 or 4/5). Ask people that you know if they’ve been there before, and listen to them. 

Whenever you do go to the DMV, pick a good day. A rainy day with 30 degree weather and high winds is probably not a good day to go get your license. Check the weather ahead of time, but know how to drive in all weather conditions.

Don’t go to the DMV at 8 AM, unless you can help it. Noon is also a bad idea, because most DMVs go on a lunch break and you have to wait for another hour or two. Clear your schedule, and get out of school or work if needed. 

When you go to the DMV, wear something comfortable. If you know how to drive in heels, that is amazing. Though it is best not to show up with those. Make sure the outfit is cozy and uniquely you. If you want, you can do your hair or makeup. They will take your picture, and this picture will follow you forever, so you probably want to look good. But don’t worry, almost everybody that I know ended up having a dank ass picture on their license. I think it’s something about the lighting in most DMVs.

When you get in the car with your test examiner, they will want you to do things like put on your left turn signal, your right signal, and honk the horn. Your windows need to roll down. Sometimes, they will quiz you on every button that’s on the inside of your car, such as the hazard lights button. You can’t expect to pass your exam if you don’t how how your car works. 

Be humble. Don’t act like a dick. Be confident, but don’t be a douchebag. Mind your manners, say “please” and “thank you” and all that.The examiner wants to know how well you and drive, and what you’ve learned. They don’t need to see you bragging about how good you are. Apologize if you make mistakes. Remember: they’re human too, and had to go through the same thing you’re going through. 

Seriously, be nice to the examiner. All the times I went to do the test, I got the same person to be my examiner. He recognized me from before, and at first, he was kind of an ass, but I seriously think one of the reasons he passed me was because I stayed calm and tried to be optimistic.

Nevertheless, there are test examiners that are DICKS. Avoid these if possible (remember what I said about checking out the reviews). Again, prove them wrong. Don’t feel bad if they trick you into doing something you weren’t supposed to do. Just know that they will live a life knowing that they mercilessly tricked people into fucking up on their drivers exams. 

Want to feel better? Guess what? You will not be the worst person they’ve ever gotten. As long as you don’t crash the car, dive into a ditch, or take the examiner out of the city speed limits, you are probably not doing bad, and a lot better than most people. You are instantly better than a lot of the self-entitled assholes out there on the roads. 

Don’t worry if you don’t pass the first time. It is. Not. The. End of. The World. You will have more chances. A drivers license does not prove your worth. Hell, in some places, you can even get by without one. But honestly, you should try as much as possible.

Most states let you try the test again about 2 more times after the first time if you don't pass. I believe that after the 3rd time, you have to pay, and in other states, possibly take a driving class.

Don’t be in a rush to go back if you fail. Give it time, and practice some more. You must be in a good state of mind, and know that you are beautiful and capable of anything. You can do it. 

Those are all of the things I can think of right now, but please feel free to add more/make corrections. 

Disclaimer: I have actually passed my drivers exam and gotten my license. It took me two years and three tries to get mine. 

[pineapple-qween]

Batman and the P.I.

Relationship: Batfam x Reader

Summary: You’re a private investigator and you were hired to get insight into the Wayne family.

Key: Y/N= your name, L/N= your last name

Warning: Language, mentions of abuse

A/N: This is like, fucking long bro. Have fun!

You sat in your office, going through old photo sets and deleting the bad pictures and enhancing the better ones then downloading them to two external hard drives. Hey, you never know what’s gonna happen and what you may need.

This is how you spend your off time, the occasional appointment popping up, but day time wasn’t when you did your work. You were a private investigator and you knew that most dirty deeds happened in the darkness of the night. You were decently well off, Gotham always seemed to be in need of a P.I., so you weren’t terribly worried when you had a more quiet day.

That was when he busted into your office.

“Are you Y/N L/N?”

Not bothering to look up from your computer, you yawned and replied, “Who’s asking?”

He slammed his hands on your desk. You lazily lifted you head to look at the man. He was a average looking businessman, his hair a little wild, his shirt was not tucked in and his tie was loose around his neck. “Are you, or are you not Y/N L/N?”

“Yeah,” your voice expressing your disgust, “And who the hell are you?”

“I’m Cole Roman and I need to hire you.”

You snorted, “Why else would you be in my office?”

“I’m not here to kid around. Listen, I know there is something up with Bruce Wayne, something weird, and I need you to figure out what it is.” You were about to laugh again, but his face was deadly serious.

“You’re serious about this, huh? Alright, sure. I’ll follow around the most important man in Gotham, but it’s gonna cost you. Big.”

Cole nodded solemnly and handed you a bag. You peeked inside. There was quite a few bundles of Benjamins. You looked back up at the man, nothing in his eyes wavered. 

“This’ll do. What information are you looking for?”

“I work at Wayne Enterprises in accounting and I’ve found some discrepancies in finances. I want to know where that money is actually going. I want to be able to expose him. Whatever he’s using that money for, it’s gotta be big and obviously expensive.”

“That’s a start.”

You infiltrated Wayne Enterprise three days later as a mail room attendant. It wasn’t too difficult and it gave you access to Cole Roman’s computer on an unrestricted basis. Every chance you got you would slip into his office and hack further into the Wayne Enterprise system, trying to get as much information as possible. That afternoon you made some big progress.

Tim noticed it first. Someone was getting further and further into the computer system, and one of his alarms triggered. Whoever it was seemed to be looking for the “Batman Expenses”, the nickname Tim had given to the expense reports that went to gadgets Bruce and Lucius worked on for Batman.

Slightly worried because of how close the person had gotten to the reports, Tim decided to pay a visit to Bruce’s office.

Tim approached the receptionist, “Hey Becca, Bruce in?”

Becca looked up from her computer and smiled. “Hi Timmy! Yes, Bruce is in, but he did ask to not be disturbed until lunch.”

“Well, can you let him know that it’s really important. Like, terribly important.” Tim gave her a pleading smile.

“Okay, okay! Give me one moment,” she held up a finger as she used the phone, “Yes, Hello Mr. Wayne. Mr. Drake is here, he says he has something important to discuss with you. Uh huh. Yes, I know. He was very insistent. I’ll let him know. Thank you!” She nodded to Tim and he thanked her then walked in.

“Tim,” Bruce stood from his desk and approached him, “What’s wrong?”

Tim explained the situation. As he talked, he watched Bruce’s face get more and more concerned. When he finished, Bruce had sat back down at his desk and steepled his fingers.

When Bruce finally spoke, his voiced was strained, “This is not good Tim.”

“I know that, why else do you think I came to you?” Tim’s hands flew up to his hair. “Bruce, what the hell are we gonna do?”

“We aren’t going to freak out. We need to figure out who is doing this. Come here,” he motioned for Tim to come to the other side of his desk, “We need to look into the usage data, see if we can track the IP address.”

Bruce began pulling up the advance computer accessing programs and Tim borrowed Bruce’s laptop and did the same, they both looked for irregular IP’s that may have broken into Wayne Enterprise’s systems.

Hours passed and they could find nothing irregular. Getting frustrated, Bruce leaned back in his chair. That was when he noticed the pattern.

“Tim do you see that?” Tim looked at Bruce confused. “Right there, and there. And again a few rows down.”

“Holy shit- yeah Bruce. But that’s...that’s one of ours.”

“We need to figure out who that is and fast.”

Your “shift” ended just an hour before sundown, when the real work begins. You left Wayne Enterprises, much more informed than when you entered and made your way back to your office. Once you go there, you wrote down all the numbers from the expense sheet you memorized, not that you really needed to, but sometimes it was helpful to be able to match the numbers with the pictures.

You got your camera and stealth supplies together and made your way to Wayne Manor. Slipping through the gate, you tip-toed over sensors and motion detectors to place yourself in a tree not to close to the building itself, but far enough to be able to get pictures of all the floors. You were slightly surprised that Bruce Wayne didn’t seen to have any blackout curtains on any of his windows, but you guessed he assumed no one could get past his security systems.

You waited patiently until you could see a fancy car pull up to the house around the corner. The driver exited and opened the passenger side door to release a boy, no more than ten, you listened to the boy complain about school as he walked into the manor. Damian Wayne, you thought, Not connected to the data, moving on. You took a closer look at the driver, he was an older man, well dressed. Alfred Pennyworth, probably connected, closer investigation. Not long after those two had enter the manor, another even fancier car pulled up. Bruce Wayne exited the driver side and Timothy Wayne exited the passenger side. Strong data connections, investigate both, you noted as they walked inside.

It was midnight before anything else of informational value happened. As you were scouting the manor, you noted two more men and two girls inside. You noticed Richard Grayson immediately, noting he probably has a strong connection. The other man wasn’t a normal associate of the Wayne family, he was a bigger guy with a white streak in his black hair. The girls were Cassandra Wayne and Stephanie Brown, girlfriend of Timothy, Cassandra was noted as involved but Stephanie was noted uninvolved. Weirdly, all of the people in the house appeared together in what seemed to be a study. You watched them through your camera trying to understand what was happening. It was hard to make out, but then something even more strange happened. They all walked behind the only thing obstructing your view and never returned.

It was bizarre. Every last one of them, gone. Even Alfred Pennyworth. This piqued your interest. You slowly made descent from your perch and slipped into the manor. Stepping lightly, you weaved through the maze of the manor and found the study. Looking around the door frame carefully, you found it was completely empty, like no one had ever entered. You wandered into the room and looked around, taking a few pictures here and there, and tried to find the spot that was obstructed from your tree view. You found it as the grandfather clock against the wall. You studied the clock, the time was wrong.

Carefully, you reached out and pushed the minute hand slightly. The clock shuttered and began to slide aside, revealing a hidden staircase. Refusing to let yourself back out, you began silently descending to a secret level.

“-breach is from within.” You could hear the tail end of someone’s conversation. You pressed yourself against the rock wall at the end of the staircase. You took out you camera and flipped the screen so you could see what was going on beyond the wall. In the screen, you saw eight people, but not the people you witness disappear. These eight people were in uniforms: Batman, Robin, Red Robin, Nightwing, Red Hood, Batgirl, and Spoiler. But then you saw him, Alfred Pennyworth and you put it all together.

The expense are withdrawn by Bruce Wayne to make gadgets for Batman.

And Bruce Wayne is Batman.

Your camera clattered to the ground.

*Clunk*

Everyone’s heads whipped around to the sound and found a camera at the base of the stairs to the Batcave. Cass ran over and ran up a few stairs before she returned, grabbing you by the arm. They watched as you struggled to escape her grasp, doing so a couple times, but Cass would fix her grip and pull harder. When she reached the group, you stopped struggling and looked Bruce right in the eyes.

Bruce used his Batman voice, “Who are you?”

You stood taller, “Y/N. Y/N L/N.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I was hired to investigate Bruce Wayne. Or I guess I should say Batman?”

Bruce’s mouth turned down into an even deeper frown. In the blink of an eye, his hand was around your throat. You didn’t gasp, actually the look in your eye intensified. “Who hired you!” He shook you a little. “Who?”

You smirk at him, which surprised Bruce causing him to loosen his grip. You slipped away from him, but not before the rest of the vigilantes surrounded you. “Just some accountant. No one important or dangerous, I promise.”

“Why?” Dick spoke up, “Why did he want Bruce investigated?”

You turned to face him, “He noticed a discrepancy in the numbers, wanted to figure out what was going on. Flashed me some Benjamins, so I took the gig.” You looked at the ceiling in thought, “$150,893.43, $471,990.21, $1,004,561.08 to name a few amounts that disappeared.”

Dick’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “H-how did you know those numbers?”

You shrugged, “Saw ‘em, memorized ‘em. Took about five minutes after I found the spreadsheet.”

Dick looked at Bruce in surprise, noticing the Bruce looked just as shocked himself. Tim and Bruce locked eyes, the same question going through both of their heads.

Tim was the one to ask it aloud, “How did you get to that spreadsheet?”

You shrugged again, “I got a job in the mail room. Whenever I got a chance, I got onto the accountant’s computer and wiggled through some firewalls. It wasn’t too hard, part of why I became a P.I.”

If Tim didn’t know any better, he would’ve guessed the look on Bruce’s face was one of admiration. Actually, Tim himself felt a certain admiration for Y/N. Not many people had your abilities. Actually, no normal people should have your abilities.

Bruce finally spoke up again, “So what are you going to do now that you know about all this?”

“What do you think I should do?”

Steph spoke up, “What do you mean by that?”

“You could tell the world who we are, what we do. You have the proof right? Why not? What could stop you?” Bruce didn’t sound worried, but he wasn’t sure what you would do.

You sighed, “No, I won’t tell. Listen, my work...it ruins lives. I’ve seen it happen, and it’s not something I want to repeat. I’ve also seen what you guys do,” you shifted from one foot to the other, “You guys do good, I’ve seen that. I can’t interfere with your work. No, I won’t tell anyone.”

Everyone studied Y/N carefully. Damian was sure you were lying, but he couldn’t detect deception. Dick was slightly amazed at your response, and Tim was in awe as well. Steph and Cass began whispering their doubts to one another. Jason couldn’t help but scoff, he could believe you wouldn’t tell anyone, but not without a price.

“You wouldn’t do this without a price,” Jason got up in your face, “What do you want?”

Y/N didn’t shrink back. You actually got closer. “I don’t want shit.” Your eyes didn’t waver.

Bruce approach the two of them, he grabbed Y/N and took you aside. “I could use a brain like yours.” He watched your eyebrows shoot up. “You’re smart Y/N, there’s no denying it, and I can always use fresh eyes.”

“I would be honored, but...I mean...I’m not all that special. I mean... I can’t see what you see. When I think of myself, all I can see is an asshole that abuses people’s weaknesses and hate for a quick buck.” Y/N’s head fell for the first time in that cave. “I almost got her killed,” your voice no more than a whisper.

Bruce grabbed your shoulders, “What are you talking about?”

You raised your eyes to meet his. “This guy hired me, one of my first gigs, wanted me to figure out where his girlfriend was going. Easy, yeah?” Your shoulder tensed under Bruce’s hands. “She was going to a reproductive care clinic. I didn’t bother looking into why, and I told him. He got furious, right there in my office,” your eyes began to well up with tears, “He screamed ‘That bitch’s body is mine, she’s going to regret ever thinking otherwise.’”

Bruce watched as you took a deep breath. The tears spilled over your cheeks. “But you stopped him,” he asked softly.

You nodded, “I found her, before he could, told her what happened. I will never forget the fear I saw in her eyes, and that feeling of powerlessness because I couldn’t change what I had done.”

“You fixed it though,” Bruce noted, “You did good in the end. That’s why I think you’d be a good fit around here. Remorse, it can be used for good, motivation to do better in the future.” Bruce then did something everyone else in the cave thought was unthinkable, he hugged Y/N. Bruce felt as your arms tightened around his waist, and felt you shaking as you leaned into him.

Bruce gently pulled you away from him. “Y/N, I don’t know know how you feel, but I can tell you I did things I’m not proud of when I started out, just like you. The thing is...are you looking for a second chance?”

You took a moment to process what he said. Bruce watched as your tears disappeared, and a determined look settled onto your face. “I am.”

“So, what did you find?” Cole Roman paced around your office after waiting all morning for you to return.

“Sorry to disappoint Roman, but Bruce Wayne is not particularly interesting. The money went to a charity and charity auction item which, subsequently, was a fraud and the money disappeared.” You showed him some staged pictures you and the Wayne family had set up as added proof. “Nothing exciting going on in Wayne Manor.” Then you got out his bag of money, handing it back. “Full refund.”

Cole Roman grabbed the bag hesitantly, looked through it and nodded. “Fine. I guess it’s just weird to have a normal rich guy in Gotham.”

You smiled to yourself, “Yeah. Normal people in Gotham is rare.”

You bid Cole goodbye, and watched him leave the office. When he was out the door, you began packing it all up: external drives, cameras, lenses, notebooks filled with dirt on all kinds of people. Before you packed up your computer, you erased your business and yourself from the internet. 

You found yourself in Wayne Manor the second time that day, now a welcomed guest. Bruce had set you up in one of the many rooms in the manor. When you walked in, you were in awe. The room was three times bigger than your office and looked like it was fit for a king. You began to set up all of your stuff when a knock came from the door. You turned to find Jason Todd, the only one you hadn’t know from before.

“Settling okay?”

“Yeah, just setting up my computer.”

Jason looked at your computer confused. “I’m sorry, what century is that computer monitor even from?”

You snorted, “I know, its a box. It’s all I could afford and I hadn’t been to keen to lose my office space or, you know, food by spending my income on a new monitor.”

“Bruce will have no problem getting you something better, he’ll want you working at a hundred.”

You nodded and continued setting up. Jason crossed the room and started helping you unpack. “Thanks.”

“No problem...” He trailed off. Then he turned to face you. “Y/N, why are you doing this?”

“What, unpacking?”

He chuckled, “No. I mean joining the life. It’s not easy and people get hurt.”

You looked Jason in the eyes. “I’ve already seen people get hurt. I know unease. I’ve been looking for a second chance and Bruce gave it to me.”

“Okay...alright. I get that.” Jason laughed to himself, “It’s probably better than the second chance I got.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I died, I was twelve. Bruce’s mortal enemy resurrected me. It was one of the worst times of my life.”

You looked at Jason like he was joking, but nothing changed in his eyes. Your eyes widened, “You serious?”

Jason shrugged, “Yeah.” 

“Oh.”

“Well,” Jason set down a camera and walked to your door, but before he left he turned to look at you, “Welcome to the family.”

You watched as he walked away from your new room, processing his story.

“The hell have I gotten myself into...”

[tailahjanbash]

What I Learned About Being a Whole When I Was a Half

I fell in love once. It was a time of raging teenage hormones and an unrealistic view of love due to my Taylor Swift obsession. It was the ultimate pining-for-your-bestfriend-80’s film-love that would ensure disaster on my naïve heart.

Looking back now, it was like a John Hughes movie on repeat—but every time you thought the happy ending was coming, I just kept getting my heart broken over, and over, and over... you get the idea.

Eventually the movie ended. After it was all said and done, I remember crying on the bathroom floor, wondering if the pain would ever leave. I remember praying every night that God would just make it easier. That I would wake up the next morning and feel just a tiny bit less than what I felt the night before. Am I resonating with any romantics here?

Well, it’s been a few years since then, and those wounds have healed—but I’ll never forget the priceless lessons I learned throughout the healing process.

Today I want to share with you some of the things I learned about being a whole when I was a half.

1. I believed the lie.

I believed the lie that I would never find love or connect to another person as much as I did when I fell in love. I fueled this fear with what I thought was “logic” and “reasoning”, but in reality, I was just letting fear bully me.

That was the furthest thing from the truth. It doesn’t align with God’s promises or nature.

2. There’s a natural way to deal with heartbreak, and there’s a supernatural way.

The truth is, when you find the person that’s right for you, it will make complete sense why it never worked with anyone else before.

When glass breaks, it’s natural to pick up the larger shards first in order to clean up the mess. The bigger pieces are easier to identify, pick up, and throw away. Breakups kind of happen the same way. Once everything has fallen apart, it’s easy to spot the big issues, like bad communication or dishonesty. But after those big pieces have been cleaned up, we are still left with the small shards; the ones that are not always visible that contribute to the brokenness.

The smaller pieces take longer to clean up. They require precision, careful attention, caution, and accuracy.

Anyone with decent eye sight can spot large pieces of glass. Meaning—it’s common knowledge that cheating is wrong, ghosting is immature, and lack of communication is the kiss of death. Even Cosmo can give you sound advice on this.

Then we get to the shards.

This is where the world gets the healing process totally wrong.

The sin, behaviors, and emotions underneath the surface that aren’t so easy to spot— those contribute to our broken condition.

Let me put this into an example: A lot of people think that getting into a new relationship will help you forget about your old one.

This is using another person to distract you from your pain and emptiness. Not only is this unfair to the person you are dragging along with you, but you can’t heal properly this way. You need to face your demons instead carrying them into your next relationship!

That rejection, fear of vulnerability, anger, loneliness, sorrow, depression, bitterness, resentment, pain, and allll the other negative emotions that accompany heartbreak— are the shards.

A playlist, going out with friends, a new bae, drinking until you forget, and all the other remedies that the world gives you… they don’t work.

The good news is, God is dying to heal you. (Quite literally)

He can’t wait for the night you put down the bottle or turn off of the T.V., whatever the distraction is, and turn to Him for the healing.

God doesn’t leave us alone in our fragmented state and expect perfection. In fact, He promises to get down in the mess and brokenness with us to find the solution and piece us together into a new and beautiful creation.

That’s exactly what He did for me. And I know He can do it for you.

3. You’ve gotta catch the foxes

“You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship. For they raid our budding vineyard of love, to ruin what I’ve planted within you. Will you catch them and remove them for me? We will do it together.” Song of Songs 2:15

When I read this scripture, the Lord made it very clear that my foxes at the time were guys and relationships.

The bible says that satan prowls around like a lion, looking for whomever he may devour. So, it should come as no surprise that he sends distractions and uses people and/or demonic principalities to keep us from effectively serving God.

I noticed that whenever I was minding my own business, crushing my school work, and super close to God… some gorgeous boy would pop out of nowhere and ask me out. I didn’t catch on at first. I was giddy and couldn’t wait to go out.

Okay so, what happens when you start talking to someone? Your brain goes from paying attention in class to planning the next date. Your hangouts take precedence over bible study and your mind and heart become filled with this person.

Eventually I would learn that these guys were great people, but simply not meant for me. And then I would remember the instructions God gave me and immediately want to slap myself in the face. How much time and energy did I invest in something that I could have avoided had I been obedient? I could have put that time into improving my grades or making new friends.

Maybe your foxes are ungodly friendships, being overly invested in a sport or celebrity, or a sin you always find yourself going back to.

A good indicator of your hearts priorities is seeing where you spend most of your time and money. Anything that takes precedence over God is not only a fox, but an idol.

I find it interesting that the word of God uses foxes to illustrate this picture. Foxes are sly and sneaky. They operate in darkness and in shadows, and they rob you of your crop. Spiritual foxes do the same.

They rob you of spiritual growth. The more time you spend binge-watching Netflix, the less time you have to read your bible and pray. Whatever you sow, you will reap. If you are sowing unproductivity—meaning putting your time towards sleeping, laying around, and watching tv, you are going to yield a crop of laziness, procrastination, and slothfulness. The fruit of your life will be marked by these negative characteristics.

I believe there are things God wants to continue to plant and grow in you and the beautiful thing, is that he says he will catch the foxes with us—we’re not on our own in the battle against sin and temptation. The Spirit of God helps us identify our foxes and gives us the strength to catch and kill those bad habits.

4. If you can make it past the first few months, you’re in the clear.

Just like breaking any habit, it’s going to be really difficult at first. Especially if you have never truly been on your own (romantically) like I had.

Relationships are wonderful—you have someone doting over you, laughing at your terrible jokes, and telling you how beautiful you are. But pull the rug out from under the relationship and you’re left with two seriously insecure people.

It’s human psychology—you’re used to receiving love and attention, so now that it is gone, you must fill that void with affirmation.

*downloads tinder*

Just kidding.

I wanted to break that habit because it never worked; I was never truly healed. Seeking male affirmation never satisfied my heart, soul, and spirit. I realized I needed to fill that void with God’s love instead of attention from guys.

And ladies, once I made that decision, I was unstoppable.

First, I had to set barriers for myself. I literally stopped everything related to relationships cold turkey... I was serious about getting the full and complete healing I needed!

I did not allow myself to go on dates, text guys that I liked, and on nights when I was particularly sad, I would turn everything off (tv, phone, laptop) and spend time with God.

Eventually, it got easier. Once the Holy Spirit started filling the holes in my heart, they actually began healing effective immediately. Getting over heartbreak became a million times easier because I wasn’t trying to duct tape DIY my heart back together. I was giving it back to the one who created it. It’s funny…we so easily forget that the master designer of our heart knows exactly how to heal it.

Looking back, I can’t believe how much of my heart was not only divided but broken. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. God had to stop me in the middle of a rebound relationship, arrest my heart, and give me these step-by-step instructions like you would an unruly toddler.

My encouragement today, is don’t be hard-headed like I was. Don’t let your heart get so tangled up in its own will and desires that it forgets God’s.

And finally, I’m not selling you a foolproof step-by-step guide on how to get over someone. Your story and your heartbreak are different than mine. But I do know heartbroken people, more than anything, want to feel like they aren’t alone. That someone understands them. To that I say, “Have you considered the one who planned this long ago?” Isaiah 22:11

For more blogs and content check out my website!

http://www.thechosengirl.info/

[plusarevfa1979-blog]

I know where you coming from. While my mom has never been a criminal, she has behaved in toxic ways to say the least. And for the longest time I had the exact same thought you expressing here that she had so much negativity in her life that I needed to be a positive one.But unfortunately, that really hardly ever how it works. Its a habit and it takes hard work and time to break it. U gotta be self aware and take time to notice what you doing and then reverse it and change it. It hard work and it sucks but its worth it.. If the Garleans moved more troops in to defend the bases, it be an aggressive move that breaks the peace. If the alliance makes a move against the bases, it could force the empire to move the war into full scale again. No matter who starts the war, it will likely be a nasty affair, with high casualties on both sides given both sides have generals capable of wiping out hundreds of soldiers with minimal effort. We are expected to be absolutely perfect, successful and joyous so that people will see us in a decent light. In the media either we are a beautiful being that makes women jealous or a fun jokester not taken seriously. 구미출장샵 It kinda bleeds into the expectation of gay men to, that they must be effeminate.Also most parents would not like to have their child be trans, and there are many case of domestic violence because of that.Things are better day by day though, and I wish that one day I could get rid of this in front of my name for good.TLDR: Thais are laid back and let people do or be anything as long as it not bothersome, but that does not mean people would not judge us.KyleJasonSarg 6 points submitted 3 days agoThis is a problem that faces long running reality competitions. But wait; the competition doesn't stop there. Next comes the award for Best of Breed. Dogs that have earned the points necessary to be champions can enter this race with the Winners Dog and Winners Bitch. A father figure doesn't mean an actual father who's there all the time lol lol if he did any more than everything he did without actually being in a serious relationship with lorelai (not till late in the show anyway), it would just be weird. I think the reason they showed so much of Rory wanting max as her stepdad is because it was to show why Lorelai was always hesitant of bringing another man into their lives. She was afraid her flightiness would affect Rory and it did. I always thought it would be a cool feature if there was a "central repository" Krita could connect to for downloading resource bundles like CSP. Users could look at thumbnails and descriptions for each resource bundle other users upload. The they can download and automatically install the resource bundles right from Krita.. Oh my god that fucking terrible. Doomfist was definitely a nightmare for me when I was playing Ana. At that point I think I would just switch to Widow or Brigitte or something I can stop him with haha. FoundationFoundation is the foundation of all makeup application(no pun intended). There are many different kinds offered on the market these days. From full coverage to light coverage tinted moisturizer. I say this because one of their implemented policies, as reported in a blog post in 구미출장샵 2017 by Youtube's vice president of product management Johanna Wright, is that "comments of this nature are abhorrent and we work. To report illegal behaviour to law enforcement. Starting this week we will begin taking an even more aggressive stance by turning off all comments on videos of minors where we see these types of comments."1 However, in the wormhole I still see countless users time stamping and sharing social media info.

[harusha]

I know it sounds stupid but I haven’t been able to play a decent game in years because I was still in school and my parents have always hated seeing me play games. What would you recommend for a noob like me to buy? I was thinking of buying a PS4 Pro but I’ve heard that some games run better on Slim for some reason? I kind of want to wait for an old school Pokemon game to be released next year before I plan on getting a Switch. What games would you recommend for the PS4?

Nah it’s not stupid. Bolded the game recommendations text if you just wanted that instead of the PS4 stuff.

honestly I can’t help you that much on which version of the PS4 is the best since I actually have the one with the really small storage space (I got it before the 1TB released from Black Friday). But honestly, get the one that has 1TB (unless you’re handy with machines because then you could just open it up yourself to replace the storage yourself). The big AAA titles take up a lot of space, and it starts to get annoying when you have to delete and download games constantly.

There’s a bunch of tutorials online on how to replace the storage, and it doesn’t void your PS4 warranty (last I checked). It’s just like depends on... do you want to do it yourself and potentially get a cheaper deal (if you can find the storage for cheap)?

The save files aren’t deleted ofc when you delete the game; it’s just obnoxious.

Tbh, I’ve gotten more mileage out of my PS4 than my Switch but it depends on what titles you tend to like. Nintendo games are cool, but often, Nintendo consoles don’t get good 3rd party games. I mean it’s changing now but it’s still fairly small compared to their competitors.

Game-wise, I recommend

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey- super fun game w/ a ton of content and an actually good and filled open world to explore, tho I haven’t finished it yet b/c of my Dragon Age marathon. Some of the stuff like forts can get repetitive, but that’s only if you’re going for 100%. The series overall is very good if you’re a big mythology and history buff.

Also the rest of the Assassin’s Creed games. Personally, I’m very fond of III but the series has its ups and downs esp after Black Flag. Origins is also a especially good title if you find that Odyssey is your type of thing.

Bloodborne- Dark Souls but w/ a greater focus on offense imo than Dark Souls’s shield stuff. Atmospheric, and I love the lore. Both Bloodborne and Dark Souls are really good if you love exploring and finding the world’s lore yourself instead of having it expositioned to you.

Dark Souls- Same as the above but more “defensive” if that makes sense. There’s more focus on your shield.

Persona 5- The best combat out of 3 to 5 imo, and the story’s fun. There are some moments I don’t agree with tho but they’re “minor” enough that it doesn’t detract from the overall experience (for me anyway; it’s stuff having to do w/ the humor). Fun cast, but personally I prefer Persona 4′s cast and Persona 3′s story.

Dragon Age Inquisition- Honestly, this is the weakest game imo in the series and it has a lot of problems (such as map design and the ridiculous amount of useless fetch quests), but it’s not too much of a bad experience. I also thought the cast was much weaker than Origins and DAII outside of the returnees and a few others, and you absolutely play a Dragon Age game for the cast.

It’s a very pretty game tho and the moments where it excels, it really does shine. It’s not horrendous like some other titles. It’s just that it might not be the “best” impression of the series if it’s your first one. Also, you don’t get as much of an impact from the returnees if you haven’t met them in the previous games.

There’s an option to “create” a save import on the Dragon Age Keep if you decide you want to play this one first.

I recommend using a guide to see which side quests you can skip tbh. Some of them are straight up obnoxious b/c it doesn’t affect anything really and the maps don’t make it better.

This is a series that works best if you go in order tho imo. Personally for me it’s Origins>DAII>Inquisition in terms of quality.

Marvel’s Spiderman- A PS4 exclusive and it’s really fun. It essentially makes you feel like Spiderman.

Yakuza series- A “beat em up” action-adventure. There’s a lot of side quests at times and you play for the characters and story.

Skyrim- I gotta put it on here tbh. I actually have the Switch and PC versions, but the experience is still fun.

Witcher 3- Immersive and it’s a plot focused game. Idk how else to say it w/o giving major spoilers.

God of War (the latest one)- The selling point of this game for me is Krato’s and the boy’s familial relationship. You really see how Kratos has grown from a young man angry at the world to someone who wants to be better for his child.

Dragon Ball Xenoverse (both titles)- I only really really recommend this if you like multiplayer and you love the series like I do. There’s a lot of references, and little nods here and there.

[cyberwolf1989-blog]

Top 10 Games Of 2017

Almost the end of the year, YouTube is making people cringe with YouTube Rewind, so why not release my list of top 10 games of 2017? Thing is, I’m taking a Dunkey approach and one of the games on this list isn’t from this year, but I’ve been messing around with it. Also, I have not played anything on Nintendo Switch, or Cuphead, so don’t rage at me, I’m sure they’re good.

10: Injustice 2

Fighting games have always been fun for me, but hard to stick with. I lose interest and move onto something else. Injustice 2 found a way to keep players like me coming back, with its wide array of customization for each of its 24 (maybe more) characters, not including the DLC characters. It's also one of the most visually impressive fighters I've seen to date.

9: Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number

Several years later, I still find myself going back to this game, wanting to better myself. It's a love/hate relationship, but it's wrapped in this strong vibe, that I try to capture in my own life, with the colorful environments and the amazing soundtrack, using music from some of synthwaves biggest names, covering action movie-esqe shootouts, hazy drug fueled massacres, and can go from making you grin, to a dark, atmospheric song that makes you squirm in your seat, unsure of what's next. The ending? Yeah, it's a easy cop out, but the ride there is all good...except for the reporter levels.

8: Destiny 2

I don't care what anyone says, this was a step in the right direction. The free roam maps are so much larger than in the first, and the story has more presence (I don't even remember what we were doing in 1). But, what's most important, is how it plays. I'm glad to say it's very well done, if not meant to be enjoyed with friends. I'm currently waiting for my paycheck so I can get the expansion and play some more with my friends again.

7: No Man's Sky

Oh...you think I'm joking here? "You like No Man's Lie?" First off, wow, what an original comment. Bet you watch your Rick and Morty every night. Second, time to face facts: NO MANS SKY IS A MORE COMPLETE GAME NOW THAN STAR CITIZEN WILL BE IN A YEAR. You can build bases, get a vehicle, even roam with other explorers (if, you know, you can find them, so many planets), take jobs, there's factions, freighters, and there's an actual story now. It's still got a bit to go before it becomes that god tier game we heard about, but the team has shown they're committed to fixing their mistakes, so, can we STOP using the same cringey dead memes? Just go on spotify, throw on a playlist, and go out exploring.

6: Fire Pro Wrestling: World

When I found out this game was available on Steam, it was an instant buy. At first glance, this game seems lackluster. The roster is either japanese wrestlers you probably wouldn't know unless you were a hardcore fan, or some characters the dev made up. But, before you boot up the game? Check out the Workshop for the game, and you will find yourself in heaven. If someone created the character, you can download them into the game. You also could make one yourself...but come on, that system is way too complicated. Hell, even if the fighting system frustrates you, it's fun to set all the fighters to AI and watch Shrek vs Big Smoke vs Hulk Hogan vs Filthy Frank.

5: Uncharted 4: A Thief's End 

I finally got to play this game, finding it for 20 bucks at Gamestop. Uncharted is probably one of my fave Playstation franchises, and it's amazing how close all the games were released, but not one is a slip up. That said, 3 was the series weakest leg. The story was ok, but the villains were lackluster. This? This ramps up all the action to 250%, brings some of the most stunning visuals I've seen on the system TO DATE, and is a fitting end for the story of Nathan Drake, as well as a great cast of characters, old and new. I can't really describe it in text, you just gotta go play it. Also, you can dab in multiplayer.

4: Middle Earth: Shadow Of War

If you see me on facebook, you know this was coming. I'll be honest, story-line wise, this game is not great. If you're a Tolkien lore nerd, you'll prolly rage jizz 8 times in the first act. Hell, playing the story is a bit boring as well. They try, but the story missions STILL feel like shit you do to get the next ability unlocked. When it comes to playing the main missions, it feels like every basic free roaming games missions, where it's linear, the objectives range from go here to kill this. When you're just killing captains, though...that's where the stories start. You'll build armies, suffer betrayals, play orcs against one another, and build these intense rivalries! Some of these I will never forget, and I'll suffer through a bastardization as long as you make it fun.

3: Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus

This game...is just pure video games. You know how people describe video games in TV Shows, like they live a different life?  That's Wolfenstein 2. I'm not me. I'm BJ Blaskowitz, gunning down Nazi's with the dual wielding power of god in the form of the most devastating weapons known to man! The story, much like one, is better than what you would expect out of a gory violent shooter. I could go on, but honestly, I couldn't do it anymore justice. I'm going for a 100% with this game. Go pick it up, sit back, and embrace the primal side.

2: Yakuza Zero

I have always loved this series. I was in a nice place when I played the first on PS2 about 10 years ago. I think I didn't hear much about Zero prior to its release, but I saw Angry Joe review the game, and I remember how much I loved playing Yakuza 3. With my next paycheck, I picked up the final copy at my local Gamestop. You play as two characters, one being the series protagonist, and the other, a fan favorite secondary character. The first is framed for a murder, and the other is asked to carry out a hit, but complications arise. It sounds generic, but only because I don't want to spoil you, as this game is a trip. Think of it as if anime existed in real life. There's dramatic situations, with some serious themes, but at the same time, you and your enemies have goddamn fight auras, and can dish out these attacks that you say "Ok, that killed him." only to see him either get up or just be knocked out. I won't even get into the various side quests for each character. The downsides is it's not for everyone. Japanese only audio with english subs, the free roam is more akin to a town in a Final Fantasy game than GTA, although it fits.

1: Horizon: Zero Dawn

I didn't really start digging into this game until a month back. I bought it shortly after E3, Gamestop had a promotion knocking the price to half. I also bought a new computer monitor I needed to make my graphics card compatible. HZD languished a bit as I explored a bunch of new games. Then, last month, a few friends were getting into a talk about their game of the year. I said Shadow Of War, and a few others went against me, with this. I said that while it was decent, it felt like a generic overstuffed free roam game. I'm a fucking idiot. Upon replaying, I was treated to a beautiful open world that actually MAKES you want to explore it. I didn't get involved in too many side quests, sticking to those that branched off the main plot, and I was surprised with my progress. When a free roam game doesn't make me want to use a fast travel, it's a W, man. I'm nearly done, and look forward to picking up the DLC. There's other stuff too, but this list is gonna be too long to hold people's attention as it is.

[therealdanadistortion]

HOW TO BECOME A MUSIC PHOTOGRAPHER

I get this question a lot, More than any other question.

The short answer, as Nike said: “Just do it.”  I said it better: Just (fucking) do it!!

And now for the longer answer…

THE BEST CAMERA IS THE ONE YOU HAVE

To shoot shows, you will need a camera (anything other than an iPhone!) and maybe few lenses. I know that not everyone can afford a great camera right away. It’s okay to start with what you’ve got. The best camera is the one you have. Anything from a point-and-shoot to a cheap DSLR. And I’m a big believer in used cameras. If that’s all you can afford, go for it.

I started on a Nikon D60 and it’s one of that company’s cheapest DSLRs. I got it for free after collecting points from my credit card company. It served me very well and I shot a great portfolio with it in less than a year.

Another question I get a lot is: Canon or Nikon? Those are the two big players in the world of professional photography, and I honestly think it’s a matter of personal taste. Usually the brand  you start with is what you’re gonna keep using, and I think you should know your playground before you go out there and play.

A good way to figure out what equipment you might like best is to rent. Rent different cameras— Canon, Nikon, whatever. And then rent different lenses and explore. Find what works for you. Cameras and lenses are fairly cheap to rent so it’s a good way to try out equipment without making a huge financial commitment.

From my own personal experience, I will say that Nikon has a faster focus motor, while Canon has more a rich and vivid color palette. All brands have their pros and cons, and a big part of photography is a developing your own style. The best way to do that is try out different options and see what you like. No one knows better than you.

I also think it’s true that using a cheap camera is like driving a stick shift. It’s harder, but it will make you a better photographer. If you can get nice clear images on a cheap camera, can you imagine what you will be able to get with a professional one?  

LEARN HOW TO USE THE DAMN THING

When I just started I knew nothing about how to use a camera. Photography is both an art and a science, and knowing what you’re doing is a big plus. You don’t want the camera to control you, you want to control the camera. Since music photography is full of the unexpected—from the venue to the lighting to the movement—you really want to be ready for what might happen. Knowing your equipment will help you be ready.

If you can afford to take photography classes, go ahead—but it’s not a must. The Internet is the beginning photographer’s best friend, and there is a YouTube tutorial on almost any photography topic you can imagine. Read about photography, watch videos, ask questions, and most important—practice, practice, practice. The best knowledge comes with experience. Just grab your camera and shoot your little heart out.

I always recommend avoiding the automatic settings on a camera. There is no reason to use automatic settings if you are planning to become a professional photographer (and yes, aperture and shutter priority ARE automatic settings). If you won’t learn how to use manual settings, you will always stay in the same place with your photography. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes, that is how you learn. It took many black frames for me to know what I was doing, but eventually I got the hang of it and I can’t even describe the satisfaction I felt when I realized I finally knew how to use the damn thing!

If you want full control of your images, don’t be afraid to switch your dial to M. Now let’s see—do you have it in you???

OK, OK I GOT THE HANG OF IT…NOW HOW DO I GET INTO THAT PHOTO PIT?

Dream big, but start small. A good friend (a powerful person in the music industry) told me when I just started, “I’m not gonna help you, Dana. You need to start at the bottom and work your own way up.” As much as I hated this answer and rolled my eyes thinking, “Why can’t this bastard help me, dammit?” I now think it’s one of the best pieces of advice I have ever gotten in my life. I’m not a patient person, but now that I have actually accomplished a thing or two with my work, I understand where he was coming from. This advice didn’t make me work hard—it made me work harder. If he had helped me back then I would probably not appreciate where I am now half as much I do.  

So you have a decent camera, you’ve learned a thing or two about how to take pictures, so now how the hell do you get that precious photo pass? Well, you probably won’t…not when you’re just starting out. Space in the photo pit is very limited, so why would a band/PR company/magazine editor wanna issue a photo pass to you when you have nothing to show yet? Yes, that leads me to the next thing…..

DEVELOP YOUR STYLE

After taking photos for a while, you will develop your own style. Don’t try to shoot like your favorite photographer. Unless this person is dead they are probably still shooting, so why would you want to copy their style?

Photo editing is a huge part of a photographer’s style. I spend hours and hours editing my images. I love the contrast between shooting out in the crazy field and then sitting in my studio, relaxing and listening to music  while editing my photos.

When using editing software, I don’t recommend using presets and please don’t go crazy with effects. Create your own look and style. Experiment and play with contrast, colors, and brushes. And just like with cameras and lenses, find what editing software works best for you.

I use Lightroom, as it’s easy to be organized (which is not a great quality of mine; I’m pretty messy). I also use Photoshop. These two programs work well together. Many of my fellow photographers use Adobe Bridge and Aperture. Don’t limit yourself. Watch online tutorials, read reviews, and ask yourself what is it that you’re looking for and need. Most editing software packages offer a free 14-day trial, so you can download and try before you buy.

BUILD A FANTASTIC PORTFOLIO

The best way to get yourself out there is to have a memorable and outstanding portfolio. Start shooting whatever/whenever you can. Your uncle’s band, that local band who really needs new photos for their Facebook page, a festive parade (it’s not music, but parades are colorful and full of unexpected movement). These are all great places to start building a photography portfolio.

As for bands and artists, buy tickets for the shows you wanna shoot. There are many venues that are not restricted about cameras, and the venues that do restrict them usually have a bag check. So even if you bring your camera and the venue won’t let you shoot, just check your camera and enjoy the show. You will learn which venues you can shoot in as you go.

Go to as many shows as you can. Get there early with all those fanatic fans, stand in line for hours, and get to the first row. I sometimes get better photos standing with the crowd than from the actual photo pit.

Remember, a camera is not a gun. No one will call the cops on you. If they catch you, they will ask you to stop shooting and put the camera away. In this case, be respectful (or go to the back of the room and continue shooting from there). I have been kicked out of several venues for shooting when I wasn’t supposed to. Hey, you gotta work hard and do crazy things to get your photos, so if you don’t have the balls for it find yourself something else to do!

The more you shoot, the better you get, the more you have for your portfolio. One great shot from each show is all you need when you’re starting, but you’re gonna feel amazing once you can choose from the many great shots you’ve taken.

When you have at least ten different photos of ten different artists that you are completely satisfied with, you have the beginnings of a portfolio. Later on, when you have more variety, your portfolio should be a combination of big names and great moments you’ve captured. You want to show energy, composition skill, and anything else that will make you stand out from other photographers. Be creative and try show as much variety as possible. Most likely when someone looks at your portfolio, they will look only at the first few shots, so these matter the most. Try to avoid using the same artist within the first twenty photos.  

There are many free portfolio sites such as Zenfolio, Portfoliobox, and others. Choose a template and start uploading your work. Don’t be lazy, what are you waiting for?

THE MOMENT YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR

Now that you have decided you are serious and have the talent, you can start asking for “real” photo passes and shoot from the golden photo pit…that magical place all music photographers strive to get to. E-mail the bands and PR companies directly. Introduce yourself and your work and ask kindly to shoot the bands you like. If they don’t respond, don’t be afraid to follow up, but don’t nag. Annoying people are not welcome anywhere.

Usually press credentials are given to photographers shooting for specific outlets, but you never know, and how will you know if you don’t try?

When I first started, I heard Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth was playing a small venue in Brooklyn. I knew that Sonic Youth was playing Terminal 5, a bigger venue in the city, a few weeks later. I went down to the Brooklyn show and when I spotted Moore hanging out in the crowd I went up to him and with no shame introduced myself and said: “Thurston, I’m a huge fan of your band—is there any chance I can photograph your show at Terminal 5?” He said right away, “Of course, contact my manager and I’ll take care of it.” So that’s how one of the very first bands I shot was Sonic Youth. Not only that, but Thurston was kind enough to get me an “All Song” pass, so I shot the whole set AND I got to shoot the opener Dinosaur Jr. Double success! Sometimes you can’t leave things to chance. I say go ahead—get what you want.

GO GET ‘EM TIGER

Now that you’re photographing on a regular basis, it’s time to shop for a publication.

It took me about a year to create a decent portfolio. I used photos taken on my D60 and my point-and-shoot. Don’t rush it; you need to be ready before you approach a publication. Everything has its own pace and you will know and feel when you’re ready to work for someone other than yourself.

Now that you have work to show, it’s time to get professional and start sending your stuff out there. Get “real” access. E-mail the bands, PR companies, venues, and publications. Your ultimate goal as a music photographer is to regularly shoot on assignment for blogs and magazines. Do your research first—figure out which blogs/magazines you like best. Most likely they all have people who are already fighting for those photo passes, but if you have something new and fresh to offer (not to mention loads of talent), they might consider using your fabulous skills.

DON’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER

The competition is enormous. In the world of music photography, you constantly have to fight for your spot and prove yourself over and over again. Many of your e-mails will be ignored. Don’t take it personally, just keep trying.

For instance, I knew I wanted to shoot for BrooklynVegan.com. I was a reader and a big fan of this blog way before I even started shooting shows. I e-mailed the editor many times and was completely ignored until I had a set of photos I thought he might want to publish. I used my photos as an undeniable winning card and found my way into the blog. BrooklynVegan is still my number one publication for my photos. I love everything about that blog, and I’m very proud to be a regular contributor.

So to sum up: be respectful, but don’t take no for an answer. Let your talent speak for itself. Setting goals is always helpful. Knowing exactly what you want is an important first step. Now that you know the steps, go get ’em tiger!

NOW THAT YOU ARE AN OFFICIAL MUSIC PHOTOGRAPHER

A few last tips:

* Get a good health insurance! The pit and music venue can be a dangerous jungle.

* Be nice and respectful to your fellow photographers. Be aware if someone is behind you if you lift your camera. Look to both sides before you reposition yourself as you don’t want to shove your lens in someone else’s frame

* Be kind to the fans! I have made quite a few friends and met wonderful people talking to those awesome people in the front rows. Don’t forget—they waited a long time in line and spent good money to see their favorite artists. Introduce yourself, tell them about your website and what you do. They are the ones who are the most interested in your photos. And you never know who you will meet!

* Come early and shoot the opening bands. They need your coverage and it’s a great way to get introduced to new music. And it’s more than likely you’ll soon be shooting them as the headliners.

* Wear comfortable clothes and shoes. The photo pit is not a catwalk. You don’t want your hair in your face or sore feet after standing and waiting for the show (which can be hours if you’re shooting Lauryn Hill!)

* Have your business cards handy; you never know who will be standing next to you at a show.

* Don’t rant about the lighting. It is what it is. The show is not for you, it’s for the fans and the music is the most important thing. Some bands prefer red lights or playing in the dark. You can’t change it. Go with it. It is what it is.

* WORK OUT on a regular basis. Being a music photographer requires a lot of running around and carrying heavy equipment. Working out sure gets you in shape and keeps you going, especially at festivals where you will be running from stage to stage. I used to hate working out but once I started I can never go back! I work with a trainer and also do Soulcycle, which is a fun way of combining two of my favorite things: biking and great music. Now that I work out regularly, I lost weight and festivals are all of a sudden much easier. It’s healthy and you don’t take up as much space in the photo pit. How can you argue with that?

And the last and most important tip: LOVE WHAT YOU DO!

There is not much money in music photography, so if you don’t like music, why on earth are you doing this? Enjoy the music, enjoy the show! At the end of the day, music is the best thing about music photography.

©all photos by Dana (distortion) Yavin. All rights reserved 2013

[shirewalker]

the curious @captainvkirk tagged me for this game of curiosity

5 things in my bag

bottle of water

a book

medicine

food

sugar packets for my collection

5 things in my bedroom

my books

my plushie toys

all my crafts materials

my still-waiting-for-a-nail-on-the-wall nikolina print

my sister (haha xD)

5 things i’ve always wanted to do

learn ballroom dances, particularly tango and the waltz <3

go to venice and ireland and scotland and barcelona andandand--

do an interrail

go to a disneyland/park

write a book

5 things that make me happy

rain and thunder

when friends message me first

getting an unexpected present/surprise

pure kind hearted princes/kings

almond trees in bloom <3

5 things i’m currently into

grishaaaaa

getting rid of glitched quests on my skyrim log...

little mix

feeling miserable+looking for the bright spots (I’m like that)

getting that doraelin fanart done just the way I imagine it

5 things on my to-do list

painting doraelin fanart

read my novel’s first draft to edit it

finding a decent working animate c c download

getting a blessed ‘yes we have a spot for you as an intern’ email

finishing this tag so I can go eat something

5 things people may not know about me

I went to university’s psychologist after my previous degree nearly drained the life out of me. but life got in the way and I only went to two appointments *shrug*

I’ve had eyeglasses since I was 13/14

I live in the middle of nowhere which makes ‘going for a quick trip to the city’ a bit... hard

I’m lazy but I love exploring castles

I still hope someone one day might throw me a birthday surprise (of any sort, honestly I’ll take anything as long as it’s a change from me trying to get people to have lunch with me)

gotta go now so I won’t officially tag anyone, but if you wanna do this: consider yourself TAGGED!

[duhragonball]

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (43/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation.   This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

Previous Chapters conveniently available here

[16 May 236 Before Age.  Extraliga]

"Long story short," Luffa said, "We kicked their asses."

From the bridge of Luffa’s star yacht, Keda sat in the captain’s chair and watched the viewscreen intently as the Saiyan filled her in on what had been going on these past few days.  They had contacted her from the "F-Tunnel", the wormhole dimension Planet Wist had used to deploy its invasion forces.  Keda wasn't sure how she was getting such good reception from another dimension, but this was the least of her worries at the moment.

"Look, I haven’t heard from either of you in almost a week, okay?" Keda said, trying to keep an even tone.  "The last I knew Luffa was heading into a trap and Zatte was rushing into enemy camps all by herself.  Now you’re in some kind of hotel room together wearing silk togas, and it sounds like... Is that a party outside?  I think I need a few gaps filled in, if that’s okay."

Luffa was too busy gnawing on what looked like an enormous hambone, so Zatte answered instead.  "Keda, I’m fine," she said.   "The mission was a cakewalk, honestly."

"Then what’s with that bandage on your arm?" Keda asked skeptically.

Zatte glanced down at the wound as though she had forgotten it, and smiled nervously.  "One of the Wist soldiers came at me with a knife," she explained.

"A knife?!  Are you okay?!" Keda gasped.

"Of course she is, kid!" Luffa growled.  "That chump had to use a knife because Zatte shut off the power to their firearms.  Yeah, he got in a decent hit, but he had to get in close to do it, and in the time it took to do that--!"

"The program I uploaded into the Undeletor finally kicked in," Zatte finished.  "Like we figured, the Wistian soldiers were just projected copies of real people.  The Undeletor machine could recreate them as they were killed, but once I sabotaged it, the projections all shut down."

"Hell of a scrap," Luffa said with her mouth full.  "One minute she was surrounded by guards, and then poof!  They all vanished.  Good thing, too.  Another second, that guy with the knife would have gutted you like a--"

"Anyway... I came to the F-Tunnel after securing the Undeletor," Zatte broke in.  "And Dr. Topsas has already taken care of my wound.  It’ll be fine.  I promise."

"Well, okay," Keda said.  "What about the prisoners, then?"

"They’re all accounted for," Luffa said.  "Argon was using faeries to keep them magically trapped in this place."  She was holding her food in one hand and Zatte in the other.  For a moment she had to decide which one to let go, then she finally laid down the shank and picked up a small round stone, which she held up for Keda to see.

"Take a look at this," Luffa said.

"What is it?" Keda asked.

"I don’t know exactly, but the Wistians used it to make the faeries do what they want.  As long as Argon had it, none of us were getting out of here.  But I’ve got it now, and I’m having the faeries undo all their spells so we can leave."

Keda knew Luffa well enough not to bother asking how she took such an important talisman from an enemy.  She assumed the struggle was violent and bloody, and the less said, the better.

"Okay... so where do we go from here?" Keda asked.  "It sounds pretty festive for a prison camp."

"The faerie folk couldn’t just cancel the spells that keep us here," Luffa explained.  "Something about the balance of magic, kind of like how you have to cool down after a workout, instead of just stopping altogether.  They fed us enchanted food to trap us, so now they have to do the same thing to let us go.  And things have been pretty tense around here for the last few days, so a festival seemed like a good idea."

Zatte picked up a goblet and drank from it.  "I wanted to leave early, so Luffa took me back here," she said. "Apparently this used to be Argon’s private barracks."

"Tomorrow morning, I’m sending Zatte and Doc back to Extraliga with the first group of prisoners," Luffa said.  "Keda, you're in charge of seeing that Doc gets back home safely.  That should keep you busy until I'm done."

"Sure, Luffa," Keda said.  "What about you?"

"I'll be leaving the F-Tunnel from the other side," she said with a vicious look in her eye.   "It’s past time I took the fight to Planet Wist.  Zatte’ll fill you in on the details later."

Zatte nodded and waved happily, and after a few words of farewell, Keda closed the transmission.  She sent orders to the service robot, PB-2, to tidy up the guest quarters Zatte and Topsas had been using while on board, then started a diagnostic check of ship’s major systems.    After that, she stared at the blank viewscreen and steepled her hands.

She was happy for Luffa and Zatte, she really was.  They had suffered through so much, and it made all the sense in the world that they should find some solace in one another.  They were uneasy with public displays of affection, and they tried to play it cool in front of others, but somehow that just made it more obvious how much they enjoyed each other’s company.

But Keda couldn’t ignore how much Zatte had changed.  She had survived this time, but what about the next?  And there would be a next time, another opportunity to risk life and limb on Luffa’s behalf, another chance to throw caution to the wind.  And for what?

Something had to be done.  She supposed it would have to wait until Zatte was back aboard the ship.  They could talk this out Dorlun-to-Dorlun, and hopefully set things straight.  

But until then, Keda could only wait, and worry.

*******

[16 May 236 Before Age.  The F-Tunnel.]

"You didn’t have to frighten her like that,"  Zatte said after Luffa shut off the comm drone in Argon’s quarters.

"Who?  Keda?" Luffa asked.  She picked up the large bone and ripped a hunk of meat from it with her teeth.

"You said that guard would have gutted me if I hadn’t defeated them in time," Zatte reminded her.  "She was worried about me before I even started that mission.  This scratch on my arm was bad enough for her without your embellishment."

"I'm a Saiyan," Luffa said with a shrug.  "I gotta exaggerate.  Besides, the kid’s a rock, Zattie," Luffa said.  "She’s seen worse.  This guy named Hamey tried to stab her to death back on Bigreen.  She just shrugged it off and kept going.  She's ironclad, just like you."

"Stabbed her?  No, forget I asked.  Look, I appreciate what you're saying, but--"

"And what I said was true, wasn’t it?" Luffa challenged.  "I fought those Wist goons too, you know, and they don’t fool around.  They weren't in my league, but they were more than enough trouble for you.  Another minute or two and you might have been in serious trouble."

"I... well, yes, but..."

Luffa pulled her closer with her other arm.  "I know you Dorluns are survivalists, not warriors, but sometimes it’s easy for me to think of you and Keda as funny-looking Saiyans."

"Really?"  Zatte asked.

"No offense," Luffa said.  "It’s kind of a backhanded compliment.  But I really appreciate what you did out there.  Took out a whole army of immortal soldiers, and all they could do was cut your arm."

"It was nothing, Luffa," Zatte said.  "Really, I--"

She tossed the meat aside and began stroking Zatte’s crimson hair.  "I wish you would have let me tell the Extraligan troops here about it," Luffa said.  "They were pretty fired up when I told them the Wistians were gone, but they don't know who to thank.  They just assumed I did it somehow."

Zatte smiled at her.  "Thanks for not mentioning me."

"Why though?  You ought to get a medal for this.  Might look nice on that suit I bought you."

"A medal?" Zatte gasped.  "For me?"

"Damn straight.  You earned one, if I have anything to say about it," Luffa said.  "When all this is over, I can tallk to Marshall Booth and we can hold a ceremony.  I'm sure he'll want to meet you."

"That’s just it," Zatte said.  "My people keep a low profile.  It’s safer that way.  Booth might be our ally for now, but he’s powerful and ambitious.  The less a he knows about me, the better I like it."

"Hah.  If he even thought about messing with your people, I’d tear him in half," Luffa harrumphed.

"Well, this way you won't have to," Zatte said.  "Besides, you’re in no shape to bisect anyone, from what the doctor tells me."

She reached behind Luffa’s back and grabbed hold of her tail.  Luffa tried to pull it free, but couldn’t.

"The fae are weak to Saiyan ki," Luffa said.  "I can still power up, but if I do, even a little, they’ll all die.  I have to suppress my power while I'm here, so... uh, maybe you could let go of that..."

"How’d you beat Argon without hurting any of them?" Zatte asked.

"It wasn’t easy," Luffa admitted.  "Satisfying, though.  Look, could you...?"

"You know, this could be kind of fun," Zatte said.  "I’m not used to being the stronger one, and-- Are you okay?"

Luffa was starting to sweat.  "That kind of hurts, Zattie."

She released the tail immediately.  "Sorry."

"Nah, it’s fine.  It’s just that it’s been a struggle holding back like this for so long.  I thought it’d get easier with Argon out of the way, but I still have to be careful."

"You really care about these faeries, don’t you?" Zatte asked.

"They’re good people, basically," Luffa said.

They walked over to a balcony and took in the view of the city of Nhh-r-cooh below.

"The Dorlun legends always made them out to be horrible monsters," Zatte said.  "Always lying in wait for an unsuspecting traveler to make a fatal mistake.  Normally I’d feel pretty stupid spending the night in the middle of their own lair, but seeing you with all this power over them... They seem almost ordinary now."

"They won't hurt you," Luffa assured her.  "I wouldn't let them, but it won't come to that.  They learned their lesson a long time ago.  That’s why I have to hold my power in.  If I slip up, they’ll die thinking Saiyans are as petty and capricious as they used to be."

"Well, I know you can handle it," Zatte said.  "You’re pretty conscientious when you want to be."

"Who, me?"

Zatte put embraced her and patted her on the back.  "Sometimes, it’s easy for me to think of you as a funny-looking Dorlun.  No offense."

Luffa kissed her on the cheek.  "I’ve been called a lot worse.  From what I’ve seen, the Dorluns are pretty good folks.  I just wish you’d let me tell everyone else.  You helped out a lot of people, Zattie.  They should know what you did for them."

"You know, Luffa," Zatte said.  "That’s good enough for me."

*******

[16 May 236 Before Age.  Planet Wist.]

"ARGON... IS DEAD."

In the great hall of Goldwall Fortress, the Shockmaster loomed over his remaining chiefs of staff and crossed his arms over his massive chest.  Though his features were obscured by his glittering silver helmet, his displeasure was palpable to all in the room.  Communications with the F-Tunnel had been lost, and all attemps to open the wormhole from the Wist side had failed, suggesting that the controls on the Extraligan side had fallen into enemy hands.  

"But what happened?" asked the Kami.  

"The Super Saiyan happened," Kandai snarled.  "I warned you, Shockmaster!  That fool Argon was never going to stop Luffa, and now that we've drawn her ire, she'll come here!  She'll find me and then--!"

"Oh, hush," Calgon said.  "You think the Partner hasn't prepared for this possibility?"  She looked up at the Shockmaster with an eager expression.  "You have prepared for this, haven't you, Partner?"

"DON'T TRY ME, CALGON," the Shockmaster warned.  "I HAVE PLANS FOR EXTRALIGA, AND NO ONE WILL STOP ME."

"But without the wormhole, it will take weeks to reach the Extraliga System by ship," the Kami observed.  "By the time we arrive, they will be ready and waiting for us."

"YOU UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF WIST, KAMI.  RETURN TO YOUR DUTIES.   I'LL CONSULT THE REVERIE."

"You're going to meditate!?" Kandai asked.  "At a time like this?!  Don't you realize the danger we're in?!  If she--"

Before he could say another word, the Shockmaster had grabbed him by the throat.  He raised him high over his head and stared into Kandai's horrified eyes.  

"YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, KANDAI?" he asked.  He tossed him to the ground and laughed.  "YOU CAME TO ME FOR PROTECTION, KANDAI.  YOU CAME TO WIST.  IF YOU WANT THAT PROTECTION, YOU'LL DO AS YOU'RE TOLD.  HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Calgon knelt down to help Kandai up, but he brushed her aside.  "O-of course, Partner," he said.  "Forgive me."

"YOU HAVE YOUR ASSIGNMENTS," the Shockmaster bellowed.  "I'LL SUMMON YOU WHEN I'M READY."

The three of them left the hall.  As soon as Kandai and Calgon were alone, he shoved her against the wall of the corridor they were in.  

"What do you think you're doing?!" he asked with a scowl.  

"Me?" Calgon asked innocently.  "You're the one he assaulted."

"We'll be vulnerable while he's in the Reverie, you little idiot!" Kandai seethed.  "And yet you keep daring him to press on with this idiotic war!"

"He's already made up his mind on Extraliga, Kandai," Calgon said.  She made a token effort to squirm beneath his hands, but the smile on her face showed she didn't particularly mind.  "I just want to know how determined he really is.   And maybe while he's busy bragging about his precious Wist, he'll let slip a few more secrets in the process, hm?"

"That's... absurd!" Kandai growled.  "Do you have any idea how strong he is?  And yet you insist on trying to manipulate him!"

"Poor Kandai," Calgon said.  "You're not used to being in a position of weakness, are you?   You have to be flexible, you see.  You don't swim against the current, you swim at an angle to use the current to your advantage.  It takes longer, but in the end..."  She looked up at him and grinned.  "You usually get what you want."

His face turned red with anger, but at last he leaned in and kissed her.  Minutes later, when they had found a secluded part of the fortress, the two of them did a great deal more than that.  He didn't know why he tolerated her endless scheming.  It certainly wasn't because he trusted her.  Maybe he found her recklessness exciting.  Maybe, after being so desperate and afraid for so long, he admired her easy confidence, even if it was all a facade.

Mostly, though, she made him feel like he had some control over his fate, if only for a moment.  

*******

[17 May 236 Before Age.  The F-Tunnel.]

During her stay in the F-Tunnel, Luffa had gotten along rather well with the population.   The native faeries were indebted to her, of course.  The civilian prisoners represented a variety of different species, and they appreciated Luffa for being as much an outsider as themselves.

That left the entire Extraligan military, who were taken captive in the first minutes of the invasion.  Officially, Luffa was their commander in chief, but as fellow prisoners in the struggle against Wist, formality had fallen by the wayside.

"Attention on deck!" one of them shouted as she entered the bridge of the airship.  As one, they all dropped what they were doing and rose to their feet.

"What are you all standing around for?" Luffa said with a smirk.    "I thought you guys were busy."

They all laughed and returned to their stations.  One of them whistled as Luffa passed by, and another started chanting her name.

"Madam Federatrix, will you marry me?" called one of the soldiers.

"Get in line!" Luffa called back.  The entire bridge roared with laughter.  She walked to one of the consoles where an Extraligan woman was reviewing sensor data.  "How do you put up with these geeks, Corporal?"

"I tell ’em you’ll knock some sense into them, sir," she replied.  "That usually straightens them out."

"Well, normally, I’d love to roughhouse with these guys for a while," Luffa said, but I’m saving that for Wist.  How about it, folks, anyone wanna come along?"

They all started cheering and shouting various slogans.  One of them screamed "You gonna give ’em the Vengeance Cannon, sir!?"

"Uh... Damn right I will!" Luffa shouted back.  

The Vengeance Cannon was supposed to be Luffa’s signature attack, at least according to the unauthorized, grossly inaccurate feature film that was made about her.  No one ever seemed to question the fact that the real Luffa didn’t look or talk much like the one in the movie, but they all seemed convinced that the ki techniques were wholly authentic.  She had long since given up on correcting people.  Instead, she was seriously thinking about inventing an attack to play along with the hype.

"Leave a few of ’em for us, sweetheart!" one of the soldiers cried.

"All right, let’s settle down, people."  The lone voice of reason in the room was Major Tedirv, the senior officer of the airship’s crew.    As they crossed the deck, the Major saluted Luffa, then offered their hand.

"Welcome aboard, sir," the Major said.  "I would have preferred a little more discipline in the ranks before a mission like this, but it is what it is."

"Doesn’t bother me any, Major," Luffa said as she shook their hand.    "Everyone in the whole Extraligan military’s been stuck cooling their heels, watching me fight the battle for them.    General Gordhowe told me damn near all of you volunteered to come along."

"Honored to be here, sir," Tedirv said.

"And I’m honored to have you. If it was up to me, I’d be taking the entire military with me to Wist’s doorstep," Luffa said.    "But this blimp was the only aircraft the fae folk had that could still fly, and there’s only room for fifty, so there we are.  They did show you guys how to fly this thing, right?"

"Queen Phenylal’s people were very thorough," Tedirv said.  "And we Extraligans are fast learners."

"Good," Luffa said.  "I guess it’s dumb of me to ask when we’re already a mile up in the air, but I’m used to handling my own transportation."

"We may be a little overeager," Tedirv said, glancing at their crew, "but we’ll get you where you you’re going.  I assume you’ve eaten."

"Luffa patted her stomach and smiled.  "Just came from the galley.  I would have come up to see you sooner, but those faeries make some fantastic sandwiches."

"Good, then I just need to give you this, and we’ll be all set."

Tedirv gestured to one of the crew, who ducked behind a console and returned with a large scythe.  He handed it to his commanding officer, who then presented it to Luffa.

"The hell is this?" Luffa asked.

"The fae told me it was customary for their ancient warmasters to carry one of these when they rode into battle," Tedirv said.  "You find that kind of tradition in a lot of cultures.  One of my instructors at the academy owned a cavalry sabre that his great-great grandfather carried while he captained an aircraft carrier."

"Huh," Luffa said.  She took the long handle and examined the craftsmanship.  It was longer than she was tall, and the blade curved out from one end like a talon torn from the foot of some immense bird-of-prey.

"Queen Phenylal thought you should have it," Tedirv said, "since one of your ancestors would have held something similar on an old airship like this one."

"Huh... okay," Luffa said.  Her eyes lit up as the weapon’s significance began to sink in.  She  planted the end of the scythe on the deck and struck a triumphant pose, looking up at the blade as if it were a strange metal flag.

"It suits you," called another voice.  Luffa turned and saw M’ranga entering through the hatch from the deck below.  Other than Luffa, she was the only non-Extraligan aboard.  This would have made her conspicuous enough, but her tricolor costume only made her stand out even more.

"Still with us, Ensign?" Luffa asked jokingly.  "There’s still time to head back if you want to go to Extraliga with the other prisoners."

She smiled and shook her head.  "I’ve got comrades back on Wist," she said.  "And when I left, there were plenty of good, honest people who need the services of Ensign Liberty.    I’m betting that hasn’t changed."

"Glad to have you along," Luffa said.  "But tone down the inspirational speeches, would you?  I don’t want to make these clowns any rowdier than they already are."

M’ranga looked around at the crew and smiled warmly.  "You’ve given these soldiers all the hope and confidence they need, Luffa," she said.  "I doubt I could say anything to improve morale further."

"Approaching the terminus point," announced the pilot."

"Wormhole is scheduled to open in thirty seconds," said a man at a communications station.

"Full speed ahead," Tedirv commanded.  "We’ll be an easy target until we clear the portal.  Let’s make it as brief as we can."

"Aye, sir."

"Keep an eye on the aft sensors," Tedirv said.  "I’ll want to know as soon as the portal closes behind us."  They looked at Luffa expectantly.  "Once that happens, I assume it will be safe to use your full strength."

"That’s the plan," Luffa said.  She laid the scythe across her shoulders and draped her hands over  the handle on either side.  The blade hung down from one end on her left, and she stared at the forward viewscreen with relish.

"One question," M’ranga said.  "Did the Extraligans all molt last night?  I don’t remember you all having the same bright yellow crest-feathers."

Luffa glanced at her and raised her eyebrow.   "You know, I was wondering about that myself, Ensign.  How about it, Major?"

Tedirv shrugged.  "We, er, had a little briefing last night.  One of the sergeants asked the faeries for some dye, and well, one thing led to another..."

"Ah," Luffa said.  She looked back at M’ranga.  "Show of solidarity.  Good luck before a big scrap.  I like it."

"I see," M’ranga.  She ran her hand through her own dark hair.  "I wish someone had told me.   I could have joined in."

"Yeah, that kind of bugs me too, come to think of it," Luffa said.  "Major, I’m in charge of this little shindig.    I hope you saved some dye for me."

There was a rumble of laughter on the bridge as Luffa glared at Tedirv.

"Begging the Federatrix’s pardon," Tedirv said, "but General Gordhowe informed me that you were already prepared on that matter."

The crew laughed again.

"Five seconds to Wist," announced the pilot.

"Well that’s just great," Luffa said in mock indignation.  "We’re about to go into battle, and everyone in my unit’s got bright yellow scalps except me.  All because of a communication breakdown in the brass!  Typical army..."

"Ma’am, I’ll still marry you if it’s any consolation!" one of the men cried out.

"Passing through the wormhole now!"  called the pilot.

"No, it’s okay," Luffa said.  "I’ll just have to muddle through.  She took a deep breath and tensed up.

"Clear of the portal!  Wormhole is closed!  Repeat, wormhole is closed."

Luffa tightened her grip on the scythe.  Her eyes widened.  "It’s okay, Major.  It's not your fault."

She clenched her teeth and made a loud grunt, and suddenly she was engulfed in a gleaming, golden aura.  M’ranga took a step back and nearly stumbled over.  The bridge crew cheered in unison as her hair glowed in a shade of yellow very close to their own.

"I'll just have to make do on my own!" Luffa shouted.

NEXT:  The Battle of Wist.

[lunnonbridges]

2019

saw Rachels tumblr post wrapping up her 2019 so ima do the same thing lol ty for the inspiration rachel <3

2019 was wild had some amazing highs and some devastating lows but i mean that happens every year lol.

school: completed my favorite clinical ever in the ED wow i could go on forever about it because i enjoyed it so much and i learned so much and wow ED nursing is amazing and so crucial i can’t wait to work in the ED again in a few years (hopefully) overall i enjoyed school surprisingly i love nursing and i can’t wait to finally use my BSN, RN in action in a few months. i!! am!! a!! college!! graduate!!! passed NCLEX too thank god (no real lows in the school department actually)

work: got to put my RN license in action working as a flu nurse haha i thought it was gonna be more intense but it was actually pretty chill just giving shots lol im not afraid of giving shots at all now because i did it literally for a job lol. got hired to be an oncology nurse at swedish which was nice :) the not nice thing was having my license delayed though which means now i am not working as a nurse T_T but i mean at least i still have the job--just got delayed but nothing to beat myself up over it. glad i found a full time babysitting job to fill the void in the meantime though :) winston is a very cute baby and i love him a lot and i am excited to see him again ahah hes such a darling and pay is enough for me to pay rent and some but rip savings haha

family: feels kinda the same? i’ve always been decently close with my immediate family i guess but going to the wedding and seeing everyone for the first time in a while was weird--i am def the most liberal and like out there out of the entire family i would say like what i believe in and what i hold important etc but i mean thats also not a bad thing--they focus too much on religion and like conservative ways in my opinion and i am too scared to talk about that stuff with extended family lol bc they are so stuck in their ways and i dont want more lectures lol i dont go to church in seattle but i go to church when i am home lol all convos at home become church related somehow and i hate it honestly...i don’t want religion shoved down my throat anymore please!!!!!! it is so suffocating

fitness/body image: started gyming a lot this past summer and continued it until december loll bc i got busy with life but i gained a lot of muscle mass and started feeling good about how i looked for the first time ever really (so sad i know) gained some weight too but that’s ok bc muscle mass. hopefully i can go back to the gym in january so i can work on getting slim thiccc lol i’m such a twig. i am not worrying too much about weight anymore because it is just a number! but i do relapse sometimes and worry too much over how i look--it is a work in progress

friendship: for the most part good or actually honestly all good because the only friend i feel like i kinda lost is Jason? but i mean hes off doing his own thing with his own friends and SO so its ok. if he’s happy im happy for him! maintained friendships with everyone i was close with before and even caught up with some old friends like alice, esther, rowena and i even met up with priyanka once although she never hits me up anymore lol i tried ok she is a busy person. got pretty close with like albert and will especially the past few months and everyone else really through talking to them about my struggles and issues and i know they all care about me truly <3 i love my friends and i am very grateful for the bunch of them. still close to michael and michelle! and i became close to michelle kang thanks to rachel <3 hehe i love rachel she keeps it real for me and is there for me regardless i love living with her and being with her and she just gets me ya know? ily lots rachel wifey <3

relationships: wow where do i even begin....life was going well with jason and then it just went downhill and i am writing this post as single as i can possibly be HAHA we broke up in sept after 3 years but no hard feelings right? hes with someone else and i am content/over him for sure---i was losing feelings which is one reason why i called it off lol but ya he taught me alot but at the same time a lot of people don’t think he was the best for me lol...they all tell me i could do better/glad i am not with him so interesting to hear this now tbh we had some issues and they couldn’t be resolved properly...hope he isn’t mad at me or anything idk....i can say confidently that i am over him 10000000% and i won’t look back. downloaded dating apps in seattle lol and i got wrecked for 2019 HAHA met a really nice guy and hit it off well and i was really liking him but ya tldr did couple-y things and were even exclusive just to have it called off bc there was no attraction and surprisingly i’m not mad at all even now! it hurt the first few days but im over it now. thank you next! (if youre reading this please know this is true and i do want to be friends and this time apart with me being in the bay has helped a lot--took my mind off of a lot of things lol i just want whats best for you!) i know hes looked at my tumblr before lol thats how close we were imo since only a select handful know of this page... he was the first guy i was amazed at for his maturity and levelheadedness actually so kudos to him! not many guys are like him so hopefully the next is just as mature lol i am talking to some guys super casually tho but ya i gotta just focus on myself and friends/fam instead of boys lmao...i am extremely afraid of being vulnerable and opening up and even truly liking someone again because they always leave and i always get hurt and broken lol hopefully i learned my lesson this time haha boys are scary and i have 0 expectations anymore ha ha ha! im open to dating not too sure about being tied down though idk if the right boy comes along so be it!  i dont want to come off as like dependent and insecure and always needing a boy with me for validation--i dont want to jump from 1 boy to another boy so fast bc my heart needs time to heal and recover lol i am baby heh 

this is a very long post so ima write my 2020 goals on a different post aha overall 2019 sucked kinda but also didn't suck lol hopefully 2020 is better haha

[hopelesslylovesick]

back

03/04/17 || 1:14 am

I picked up today. 2.5gs I somehow ended up back here. She was understandably disappointed and frustrated. Ironic that it’s today. Seeing how I was crossfaded af yesterday night, and tomorrow I have therapy. I have 6.5-7 lines set up. Let’s do this.

Started off with the 2 smaller lines. 

I want that high full force. I’m doing one more.

Still not quite there, going to do half of one.

1:39 am

I did a bit more a bit ago. I think she fell asleep. She doesn’t think she can help me anymore I think. Also, she said something that sort of made me appreciate her a bit more. When she said she doesn’t want to give in to me like she did to him. In a way that’s both comforting and hurting at the same time. Oh well. 

This...numbing...the clearness...the adrenaline...yet relaxation...I missed this. 

Nevermind she’s not asleep. We’re talking about the whole how I learned how to tie a noose yesterday.

I don’t know what I need help with. Not for like myself, but figuring out wise. Maybe the therapist thing will help with that, maybe I do have a problem and I’m afraid to admit it. But as it is now, I just know I’m trying to figure out something related to her and probably him too, I just don’t know what. I’m hoping I have an epiphany or something and find out.

1:45 am

Going to do the other half of a line I did earlier.

1:58 am

I have one line left. I might get some more. I just said something to her that made me realize it while I said it. I can’t run away anymore without the help of something. I don’t know if that;s a normal or a bad thing, but it’s the truth. Substances are the best distraction, because they don’t let me think as much as I do.

2:03 am

Great, I just admitted to her that in ways I’m more of a coward then him. Wonderful.

Fucking gotta love coke, letting me admit all kinds of things I would never sober.

2:11 am

She went to go sleep. I think I’m going to do the rest pretty soon. I sort of want to get some more out but I don’t know if should. Probably not of course but...yeah.

2:16 am

Did the rest. I think I might do a little more. The lines looked small in the first place anyways. Also, talked to him super briefly about the therapist, then he went mia when I asked him how he’s feeling...

2:23 am

I set up 4 more decently sized lines. Going to do one right now.

2:31 am

I’m reading our conversation from last night, when I was crossfaded and drunk out of my mind. Going to do another line, it’s a smaller one anyways so the whole line should do for now.

It’s 7 minutes later and I feel a little bit too sober rn even tho I’m not at all, I’m going to do half of a line.

2:42 am

I’m going to do the rest of the line I started. Whoa just felt a little dizzy for a second, probably because I was sucking in through my nose like mad just now lol.

2:47 am

I’m going to go do the thing and probably do my last line while or right before I am. I’m going to keep this open...maybe I’ll have some sort of final thought.

3:17 am

Honestly I’m just exhausted...but I sort of want to do a bit more. This is so bad. So so bad. But I want to do a bit more...Just a little. Then I’m actually done. For real...hopefully...

I’m going to wait a bit...maybe I don’t need more. Hopefully I don’t.

3:26 am

I feel like I’m slowly slipping back in to reality. I don’t like it...makes me anxious. Also downloading the new ed sheeran album right now.

3:30 am

I feel a bit uncomfortable around my chest. Guess that means I shouldn’t do anymore...even though I still sort of want too...sigh

I’m so awake. So sober. I don’t like this. I hate it. 

3:43 am

I made 3 more lines. This is the last for tonight. For sure this time. I’m going to either do the whole thing or half right now, depends how I feel. Also, the ed sheeran album is a pleasant surprise.

I did half. That burned my nose a little, fuck.

Sorry Ed, but it’s time for Adele for sure right now.

If I OD tonight...I guess that’s it. I don’t really know where I was going with this. I’m going to do the other half of the line right now even though I normally wouldn’t with how I’m feeling, I want to see if I can get even higher.

Also, switched halfway through someone like you to when i was your man. I want to switch again, probably i’m not the only one.

God that first drum/kick just gets me everytime, this song is honestly a masterpiece.

Switched to stay by rihanna.

3:52 am

Everything suddenly feels like it’s slowing down now, relaxing, releasing tension. I sort of want to do another line, but at the same time want to wait so I can enjoy this for at least a little longer...

Switched to young and beautiful by lana del rey.

I feel like doing one entire line right now might be too much but I sort of don’t care... Probably will just do half and do the other half again soon.

Holy shit lana del rey is so pretty in the music video for the song. Never realized.

This song is the only one I’ve fully sat through so far without switching. Interesting.

I put on haley reinhart’s cover of can’t help falling in love.

Just did the other half of the line. 

4:01 am

Why do I feel so sober today.... I dont understand. It’s definitely not because I didn’t do enough.. Realistically it’s purity, but my gut tells me it’s my mind, my psych keeping me feeling awake and very aware, overly aware of the shitty anxiety and emotions that life has just been giving me lately.

Also, listening to haley’s cover of creep.

I was going to listen to the pmj version of habits, still might really briefly, but now I want to listen to the emmylou cover.

How does it work when you pick the person who barely seems to put in effort over someone whose always been there lol. I’m not even trying to be salty, I just don’t understand, but that’s love right? I’m not even going to bother ranting about this, I have enough, this tumblr is proof of that.

I will say this, the thing that liquor has over other things is that it makes you open up really easily, helps you encounter your emotions. Coke is the opposite I fee like, it numbs you out and even though you might be aware of them, they dont actually affect you as they normally would.

4:10 am

I saw the picture I took while wasted at the park by her place last night. The quote...I’m glad I did. Also I feel too sober again. Time to finish off doing it all... I’m going to wait a little more though...just a little more.

I started going through the screenshots I took whenever she recommended me songs, none of them I’m feeling too much but it’s nice. 

Holy shit, I found this song called say you won’t let go by someone named james arthur, I’m definitely late on this but I’m glad I found it now at least. It’s so good.

Listening to a song called perfect from ed’s new album. Oh wait I’ve heard this before. But it definitely didn’t sound this good. Probably because I’ve never properly heard it haha, just heard bits and pieces.

I’m going to do the rest in a minute, or actually maybe at 4:20 haha.

4:22 am

I just did the last one, and of course I feel like I want more. No more though, that’s more then enough for tonight. 

She wasn’t lying, save myself is really good.

I don’t know what’s the right thing for them anymore. I don’t know if I should be caring. I don’t know if I want to care. I don’t know why I do. But I know that as of right now and up until now, I always have. I don’t think there’s anything I can do for him, not unless he completely opens up to me which I know he won’t. So I’m hoping that at least he will to the therapist, that’s their job anyways, so I’m hoping that’ll help him with his problem. 

She on the other hand is more complicated...so many different things are contributing to her seemingly never ending problems. Maybe I’m being cocky and assuming wrongly, but I don’t think I am. Between her court case, her dad, school, the stress from his school work, her cautiousness with her relationship, she just has so much. Before, I felt like I could at the very least help with any problems she had about her relationship...but lately it feels like I can’t. She said she’s going to see someone too, so hopefully that helps with at least a lot of her problems. 

Then there’s me, the substance abusing, lying, untrustworthy, failure and disappointment that I am. Maybe I’m being too harsh on myself, but lately it’s been feeling like that is really the case. I still don’t know what my problem is, what the root of it is. I really think if I did have a problem, at most it be substance abuse. (Also holy fuck I feel so sober fuck me) Since that’s what I seem to turn too every time I can’t figure something out or don’t want to think about something. I’m very much aware of the “elephant in the room,” which is that this all probably was caused from me being in the middle, being between them and having to watch out and care and be there. But I refuse to think that that is the reason I’m like this. If anything, it’s because I’m weak. I had a moment of weakness that led to this. Am I addicted? Maybe, I don’t know, only time will tell for sure, not to be cliche. I don’t know what I’m going to tell the therapist tomorrow. An hour to tell someone all my problems...everything that’s been on my mind. Not bad, but I don’t think I’ll be able to properly open up, because of the 1 hour time constraint, and also because I just really can’t to randome people, it’s too weird, unnatural. Maybe I’ll show her my tumblr posts. Probably so random for her, but I actually might. It’s the closest to the truth that there is in terms of what I really think.

I wonder if I’ll start to feel suicidal again now that I’m doing white again. I did quite a lot tonight too, at least compared to what I normally do. I think I’ll be fine, but I do have a slight headache and minimal chest pain. It’s a decent trade off for the peace and other things that being high off it lets me.

Wow, this album is definitely a lot better then I expected. I’ve never actually properly listened to his songs, but wow this album has some great songs. Happier and Save Myself are for sure my favorites right now.

I still don’t know if I’m still hung up on her. Part of me thinks I’m not, the other is not too sure. Whatever, I don’t really care right now, have to make sure they’re happy first. Then I can worry about things like that then. 

I want to be sad as ridiculous as that sounds, but I can’t because of the coke, one of the things that is both a negative and a positive depending on why you’re doing it. 

4:41 am

Just giving a time update. Been listening to Dive from the album, it’s also good. This album is not disappointing at all. 

Listening to Supermarket Flowers now. What a name for a song, it says so much on it’s own, just from the title. 

I think I’ll listen to his more upbeat songs later. I’m in the mood for slower songs right now, and his are definitely hitting the mark. Also the process of sobering up from coke is not that pleasant lol. I can’t tell if I’m still high or not. I just had the thought of doing more and for a second was tempted. fuck lol. Or as you would say in mando, wo cao haha. Fuck me is right....

4:49 am

I should probably sleep soon, it’s getting late. But I found myself reading what she said to me yesterday again. I have Save Myself on repeat going right now. I don’t know what I’m trying to feel or think right now...but I just know I do, ironically enough.

4:53 am

I just finished reading it, again. I got this feeling while reading it that I feel like maybe, I don’t know for sure, it’s just a guess, but maybe I lost myself. I don’t know when, I feel like it must be pretty recent, but if it happened, it definitely happened during or after that first period of time I was doing blow regularly. I’m trying to figure out why, how I lost myself. Going to go through my tumblr post to see if I can’t realize anything from it. 

4:58 am

I’m going through them right now, and I realized I forgot about something that’s been with me all my life, my want to have someone to love, something that’s not one-sided like it always seems to be. I feel like I’m slowly remembering who I am? Or maybe not and I’m just being delusional, I am high after all. I think. Also, my posts before about why I don’t feel that way for her anymore sort of helped me stop doubting it. Not completely, but nearly all of it.

5:02 am

I’ve narrowed it down to 2 possibilities. One is that it happened early December, around when I posted the one titled “Tired,” I talk about feeling done, fed up with it all. And unless I’m mistaken, I’m pretty sure that was the first time I ever felt that way about anything related to their relationship. The more I write and think about it, I’m convinced that this was when I started to slowly but surely lose myself. The other possibility I was thinking was that it happened around mid December, when I wrote the post titled “Empty.” I think that was probably one of the first or if anything the first of many days at the time that I felt really empty, really alone, like I was nothing but a shell of a human being. Yeah... based off what I wrote at the time, I lost the energy, the will to keep living at the time of writing, or around it I guess.

Both seem like pretty solid possibilities, but either ways I was right. It was while I was starting to use coke more often. I don’t know if the coke was a contributing factor to it happening, probably was knowing it’s side effects on your mood and emotions, but it definitely stemmed from where I always thought it did. Doesn’t matter now how or why it started though. I need to start finding myself I think, that’s the only thing I can think of that might work in terms of helping me get out of whatever this is, this “drowning” as she called it. But how? How do I find myself? What does it even mean to find yourself... I guess I know what I’m asking the therapist tomorrow...she’s a professional after all...hopefully she knows. 

I don’t really have the suicidal thoughts or anything like that anymore, haven’t for the past while since I stopped using. But I’m going to guess that it’ll come back since I’m doing coke again. 

So I’m writing this to future me, to the possible me that might be suicidal, thinking of ending it all. The one who will lose the will to live again, the energy to try for anything, who feels like he has no passions, no reason, no purpose in this life. You’re right. You’re probably right about a lot of the shit happening to you. You’ve always been real with yourself at the very least even if you aren’t to nearly everyone else. So I’m sure you know what you’re over exaggerating and what you’re not. But remember that you do have a purpose, at the very least for now. It’s to be a good brother and son for your family. To learn mandarin and maybe be successful enough where...maybe one day you can pay back your dad for everything he’s ever done and gone through, to make sure you, mom and your sister are able to live happily. Remember that you are fortunate enough to have friends in your life, who are more then just that title.  People who rely on you, and need you to be there, alive and well, even if it might not always seem that way. People who genuinely care about you from the bottom of their heart. Remember that you have someone in your life that you pretty much place above nearly everything else. Because somewhere along the line you decided to make sure you do everything that you can to make them happy. Remember that you used to once have dreams and aspirations as a child, that once there was a time when you had no responsibilities and lived carefree, and wanted nothing but just another good day. Remember all the heartbreaks and one sided crushes that made you want that special someone in your life as much as you do. Remember that, at the very least according to her, there is always a light. It might be hard to see, and at time feel impossible to find, but if that happens, you let yourself be guided by the people who love you and care for you, you let them take you to the light, to a better place, to a place in life where not everything seems as lost. Everything happens for a reason, might not always seem that way, might seem like things just happen for no reason other then to take you down, but for sure if you can get through it, you will come out even stronger. Things get better, they always do with time. There’s a reason why you always say it to her. It’s because while it seems far-fetched, it’s the truth. Things will always eventually get better. It might take a long time, might seem impossible, but it always eventually will. Life has it’s up and downs, there’s no such thing as a life with no moments of sadness, anger, and all that. But the reason why life is worth living is because the happy moments that also exist, that make you forget about everything bad, and just let you be happy and enjoy the moment. Stay strong. You’ll get through this.