#always at their own hands and own doing
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
I saw a targ stan on twitter say the targ loyalist in them was starting to get annoyed when a bunch of tiktok videos kept appearing all reacting to the Stark theme and Winterfell in episode 1. All basically saying that that's where their true allegiance lies, and it felt like going home hearing that. Like ok go off, but you could've just kept scrolling on past, but instead, you decided to get pissed off and mouth off on twitter that people loved and were loyal to a house that wasn't your pro-incest and blood supremacy house. It just makes me laugh and gives me a concerning amount of joy.
#anti dany#anti targ restoration#anti targ stans#anti targaryen#anti targaryen fans#anti house targaryen#anti-targaryen#did i get them all?#anti dany fans#pro house stark#house stark#always remember the original series ended with the last targaryen becoming a tyranrmt worse than cersei#and that house targaryen ended up dying out and extinct#always at their own hands and own doing#they had dragons and couldnt even rule the kindgom with that lead#the hubris#sorry not sorry#if this bothers you scroll past pls#house stark ended up on top#why?#oh yeah#oh bc they are the heroes#the story is about them when it all boils down#also house hightower is still around by the time of the og series but go off how team black won#team neither really#team neither#team smallfolk#they both suck and thats what i love about them#anti valyria
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
614 notes
·
View notes
Text
wyll's #1 sexual fantasy: being loved for who he is and assured that hes enough, even without his blade of frontiers persona
wyll's #2 sexual fantasy: being choked out by a minotaur
#bg3#wyll ravengard#jsyk this is vibes-based and not canon. but also... not UNcanon#it is not canon-contradictory because we shrimply do not have any direct info on this#but also. it is not canon because we have no info on this#just specifying because i almost always post things that are 100% canon and i dont want anyone to assume this is one of those times#with that out of the way#i cant imagine the 7 years of loneliness + stress + adrenaline combo hasnt done anything weird to him#if you took 17yo me and made it so 90% of my skin-to-skin interactions were in life-or-death high octane encounters with monsters#my own blood mingling with the arterial red sprayed across my face and hands. the rush of victory a mixer in a cocktail of pain#i would be much weirder! in a very different way! i would be a tier 1 weirdo and not even know it!
553 notes
·
View notes
Note
I think alotta ppl forget that dennis canonically is the best at drawing of the gang nd just focus on charlie being the artist of the gang, nd idk maybe i just wanted to slip that into ur mind
Like i have this funny scenario in my head where charlie challenges dennis to a drawing competition nd dennis draws a near realistic portrait of charlie while charlie vaguely scribbles out dennis but the rest of the gang is just like 'omg charlie i didnt know u cud draw'
art is subjective
#iasip#always sunny#charden#charlie kelly#dennis reynolds#mac mcdonald#trash trio#i understand wat ur saying bt i wdnt call den th best i cant look @ his boobacious women w.o crying#nd ther r several charlie arts i WISH i owned like th rat king nd th alligator @ his cricket art showcase FUCK SO HARD#this is a hilarious concept tho tysm i lovd doing this bless u fr sending :))#sorry i drew them as kids and not th whole gang fdkjn i tweaked ur idea [dennis hand motion 🤏👌🤏👌🤏]#ask#anon
712 notes
·
View notes
Text
day three mindset is maybe i could engage with canon compliant content too bc god their breakup was really juicy i hate that it's juicy
#i'll always be mad about the abruptness of it but god tommy pushing back everything he wanted with his own hands#buck gearing up to say ily and getting abandoned again#but this time it's not because the other person doesnt feel as much but because they DO feel TOO much#tommy coming back to buck for a second chance#buck being someone people come back for despite all their neuroses#buck being someone who's asked if HE could give them a second chance#i cant even look at the gifsets on my dash but i can imagine all this#mimi.txt#bucktommy
218 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think a lot about Leo’s tendency to push his way into the spotlight despite clearly being a natural in the shadows. Hell, you could argue that his worst moments are when he’s forcing himself onstage, and his best are when he does things no one notices until it’s already been done.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#His aptitude with subterfuge sleight of hand stealth and speed really push how being a ninja really comes naturally to him.#it’s arguable that his desperation for the spotlight and validation is an act of subterfuge against himself#note that when he’s offered a job as a mascot he’s fine being unknown#when he and splinter win the battle nexus Leo immediately says ‘they love YOU pops’#idk I think so much about how good a ninja Leo is#and how much his persona is more an actor#Leo as a tot is shown a natural skill at katana too so hear me out-#every Leo is a natural ninja but every Leo’s route in life is directly tied to their splinter so#since rise splinter is an actor Leo too aims for it#and he brings it into his whole life - masking always because a Leo makes what they do who they are#I think that Leo naturally falls more in line with that of a typical ninja#his eccentric performer self is his subterfuge skill just set to an 11 at all times#not that that’s NOT him - like I said it’s still undoubtedly a part of Leo#but? idk I think about little moments like Leo being the only one to choose stealth in bug busters#or Leo being the only one to almost get Gus’s dog tags in The Ninja Art of Hide and Seek (he was so close but luck was against him alas)#like- he’s clearly in his element there and he falls into those skills so easily#it’s like how everyone has skills in so many things but some exceed more in some than others do#like Raph? Raph’s the biggest Hero of the bunch of them let’s be perfectly real here. Raph is THE Hero#All the boys are smart in their own rights but Donnie is THE Genius.#and they all have mystic powers but Mikey is THE Mystic Warrior with immense untapped potential#likewise Leo I feel is THE Ninja#but yeah I love how much Leo goes for the spotlight anyway for better or for worse#he IS a performer again make no mistake! but again the way he does it still lines up with his natural ninja aptitude and I love it#Leo loving magic tricks and magicians so much works doubly well here because like#you’d think he’s focused solely on the performance flair - no it’s ALSO and ESPECIALLY the DECEPTION
626 notes
·
View notes
Note
please god i need to know what U think of the whole “jadebloods are all female!” thing because i got into homestuck in 2019 around the time of friendsim and (retching) Lanque so i always assumed they were explicitly intended to be an all-female caste. however, re-reading the comic this year, i couldnt find a mention of it other than virgo and the Space aspect being really feminine, but i think kanayas journey with motherhood is more kanaya-centric than All-Jadebloods centric??
on one hand, it makes sense given that alternia has very real gendered oppression, so what’s better for that than CATHOLICISM?? on the other hand, i always saw kanaya as being transfem coded, because it connects so well with roxy yknow.. homestuck fans love to insist that certain characters just have to be cis women (kanaya, jade, roxy)
(as an aside; was “long hair was butch on alternia” a one off joke? i like speculation about alternia’s fashion opposing earth, lol)
most all of our basis for explicitly gendered interpretation of Alternia comes from act 6 intermission 3, where Aranea tells us that "jade 8loods were also an almost exclusively female caste". so the door has always been open for there to be "some male jadebloods". but it's a mistake to view this as having anything to do with any kind of "biological sex". the whole idea of biological sex among trolls is a smoke screen. the jadebloods' assigned gender at birth is "jadeblood". this is what makes them a feminised caste.
Caliborn doesn't have a clue what biological sex is. Aranea will tell you that there are boy cherubs and girl cherubs, but for your own sanity you need to cast this idea out of your mind: cherub sex takes place between good and evil cherubs - which is determined by their blood - and anything else is just roleplay. Caliborn's attitude toward sexing is that the ones he likes are boys - that's all the thought that goes into it. and that's the mindset we need to be aware of when we delve into understanding troll gender. there are some trolls who have breast tissue and some who don't, but they aren't "mammaries" in any sense, so there's no reason to believe they're actually sexual characteristics of any kind; maybe this is what Lord English chose to base his gender schema on, but the idea that this means there must be "male trolls" and "female trolls" is completely imagined for the narrative convenience of the human reader.
when we read that there are "male-dominated" highblood castes and therefore by implication female-populated lowblood castes, it's not by some coincidence of biology: the highblood castes are male-dominated BECAUSE they are highblood castes. each caste has a role to play in Caliborn's Alternia, and just as the highblooded roles are those of patriarchal domination, the lower castes must take on roles of feminised submission; and in the case of the jades in particular, this means breeding duties. the fact that this also comes with the expectation to wear makeup and pretty clothes is just more roleplay.
so tl;dr what i think of "the all jadebloods are female thing" is that it is very obviously true but in a way more 5 dimensional gender studies way than anyone else tends to mean when they say it
my pet "long hair was butch on alternia" headcanon - which is a joke but in the way all headcanons about alternia should be jokes of some kind - actually kind of relates to this lol. bc i figure that if gendered expectations of female trolls includes working in disgusting underground caverns filled with genetic material, it's going to be practical to keep your hair close to your head where it won't get dirty, in much the same way the feminist image of the short-haired woman became popular in the west during and after world war 2, wherein a lot of women had to start wearing their hair close to their heads to avoid scalping themselves in the factory machinery they suddenly had to start working with. hence kanaya dedicated to her assigned feminine role and wearing her hair short vs. porrim rebelling against it for feminist reasons and thus wearing her hair at a length that would be totally impractical for wading through gene pools.
#i had someone get mad at me once for saying this bc it implied vriska was butch or whatever.#which idgaf about. any further interpretations you make about the other girl trolls based on this are out of my hands#anyway i wont apologise for making this so long bc im sure at this point it's what you all want out of me when you ask this stuff LOL#homestuck#for tha record. i have written articles about each caste on the mspa wiki. all my sources r there you dont ALWAYS need to do your own rsrch
259 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Good skeles, like you lots (Patreon)
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Sans#Papyrus#Gaster#Finally a set mostly featuring the brothers! Yay!#I love their dynamic so muuuuch and they're both so cuuuuuute ahhhhhhh <3 <3#I made that first one based on some half-remembered doodles from my Very First time around drawing UT characters - going way back!#I never posted any of them - I do actually have some studies from back then from various artists including Zarla haha ♪#And I think the original sketches for the pixel bouncies I made of them? :0 There's a lot of good stuff back there! Been a while tho lol#Really tho I've just kinda been on a big-eyes-and-swirly-cheeks kick lately haha ♪ They suit it so well! Especially Sans#Very fun to put down strong lines about ♫#Hugging <3 Always hugging <3 <3#I'm really pleased with their hands there actually haha - Papyrus pulling Sans in and Sans' hand on his ribs not pushing just a little space#They're so cute <3 Even some of my first doodles of them were them giving little donk-pecks on their cheek or forehead#Y'know - since they don't have lips lol#Also probably not a shock but I've pulled out my own colour cube(s) to play with out of inspiration lol#I am So out of practice lol#Sleeping on each other - it is The Classic! I love Papyrus' little paw thing with his plated hand while he sleeps haha#I personally really like the inverted Soul look on Monsters but in Handplates they're right side up! What do!#There must be a happy medium to strike somewhere hmmm#Just put them sideways and upset Everyone lol#A silly little set with Gaster of the two ''flying'' - does that activity actually have a name? :0 I don't know it#Gaster is not about to have them playing anything that could end up with 1-s falling though - not that he'll listen lol#''Because I told you to!'' Lol#And finally trying on clothes in their house! Papyrus is getting weird vibes off this shirt with how it ties in the back and hangs loosely#I'm pretty sure? I've been drawing him with his scar but it can hard to tell even looking at it myself lol#I'm not exactly careful with the delineation of his neck bones so the line can get lost#Needs a shirt that will compliment a scarf or a cape for sure
609 notes
·
View notes
Text
the dungeon meshi movie looks great
#dunmeshi#really cool art i thought up#kabru of utaya#laios touden#labru#dont look at anything too hard i just had to bring my vision to life#crasy that i havent seen anyone do this with them yet.. i had to take matters into my own hands as always#dunmeshi spoilers#this would takes place after everyine gets out of the dungeon in the finale thats why im spoilier tagging#Ok bye forever.
189 notes
·
View notes
Text
All the jokes about Ken and horses are good but I just wanna say it's such a good parallel to how actual young men get swept into misogyny and the patriarchy.
Like they're told to believe it means men get to be cool and manly and have this power but with that comes extremely rigid commands of what they can be as a man and a cycle of self hatred for never matching those gender roles perfectly. Patriarchy tells men that if they just do exactly what is expected of them, then they get all the "cool stuff" that comes with. That doesn't work though when there's only a small group that actually gets that power, but men will keep trying to fit into those roles in hopes that they can.
In the end there are no horses or the myth men are told, it's just endless cycles of self hatred and ingroup fighting.
#barbie#barbie movie#barbie spoilers#ig#ive got a lot more on how barbie looks at feminism and the patriarchy cause god they did it#not to say there isnt faults such as very little conversation about intersectionality#but i can also understand the impossible task of talking about EVERYTHING in one movie#not everyone will be happy and thats fine#anyway i think something barbie did really well is fight this battle of both wanting so deeply to love (romantically or not) men but also#not dismissing the fact its mens job to solve their problems themselves#that even if women need to be the front runners of breaking the patriarchy men cannot rely on them to solve their own problems completely#also just god im so glad this wasnt a girl boss slay movie#women deserve respect and love and life regardless of accomplishment#we should not have to be ceos and presidents and world problem solvers to gain equality#i can also understand if nonbinary people feel left out/disconnected from the movie#but as always gender abolition and acknowledging the gender binary (ie the one societially impossed) go hand and hand 👍#just incase cause idfk terfs dni the barbie movie is not for you#barbie literally states constantly that her gender has nothing to do with (non existent) genitals so f off
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
I've been waiting for an excuse to tell you why Croissant is called Croissant for SO LONG
| First | | Previous | | Next |
[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
#the way I've been rubbing my little goblin hands together every time I find some in-game Gale stuff that reflects Croissant's own backstory#THERE ARE SO MANY AND I PROMISE I DIDN'T PLAN ANY OF THEM#me n Gale's writers sharing a braincell lmao#in other news how do some of y'all write/draw smut fanfiction bc I'm out here drawing stuff like this like “oh boy this is so embarrassing”#anyway thanks for reading jkngkjsfdnh#bg3#baldur's gate 3#croissant adventures#tav#gale#gale x tav#comics#breadweave#gale dekarios#hey also ty everyone who tells me you enjoy the breadweave/gale comics#I always feel weird making ship stuff but! You assure me it's ok and I am grateful lol
569 notes
·
View notes
Text
i just think katsuki is a very pinch their nose, tug on their ear, squish their cheeks, grab their whole face in his hand, hold them upside down by the ankles, put them in a headlock kind of dad.
#and the whole time he's listening to you talk about your day with a straight facr#*face#they're screaming and giggling and having a ball and he's just so casually got his child in a headlock#has their hands in one of his own and is tickling their lil pits#totally straight faced#and he's always doing it to them#even when they're older and in their teens he still tugs on his daughter's ponytail and she gets all DAD STOP#or he walks past your son and flicks him in the ear#wraps and arm around his neck until he can get out LOL#he's a BULLY !!!#he'll always be a BULLY !!!!#and then when he does it to you—they're both climbing all over him to get him off 🥺#katsuki wrestles you onto the couch and your lil knight in shining arm son charges him and climbs on his back and yells#LET GO OF MY MOMMY !!#and whacks him in the ear LOL#WAAAHHH#cw children#✿ thoughts: bakugou#✿ theme: dad bakugou
484 notes
·
View notes
Text
How do you sleep at night? No one to hide behind Betrayed every alibi you had You had every chance to make amends instead you got drunk on bitterness And you still claim that you're innocent, it's sad
#daniel ricciardo#dr3#christian horner#for the blacklists#I recognize that christian horner in a gifset is NOT the kind of content people in ricnation are looking for rn#debated posting this but fuck it#me 🤝🏼 daniel: two bitches that love a depressing song lyric#it's about breaking free from a toxic relationship and the importance of prioritizing one's own needs#and that it can take a long time to recognize the dynamics at play in those relationships#and removing yourself from that situation can be just as hard and that just kind of epitomizes daniel with christian for me#in the return to rbr I think daniel trusted that CH would at the very least be straight forward and upfront with him#even if the end result wasn't what daniel wanted or hoped for#daniel could handle not getting the rbr seat#but something he couldn't handle was the truth that the one person he believed he could trust was gaslighting him and using him#and daniel had a light bulb moment - the point where you realize that sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away#and so he got out#also this is obviously my interpretation of a relationship that I have zero insider info on and maybe they are chill now#as always…thinking too deeply about people I don’t know in the tags#also i recognize that this song is actually about a tiktok hype house but whatever rbr are that immature so it fits#this is my first go with this type of editing in PS so if you have any tips on style and execution i'm all ears#Apparently i also owe CH an apology bc i was so sure he didn't shake daniel's hand pre-race in singapore but he actually did and i missed i#during the breakdown i was having anyway fuck him still
125 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me? Posting finished art? Ain't no way :O
No but @korruptbrekker reached out to me and asked if I was interested in doing a collab (go check out their piece here, I implore you), and you know I could not say no to such a wonderful artist asking lil ol me to do something fun like this. We ended up doing a swap @laugaheim and I came up with ages ago that I so sussinctly refer to as a moodboard-sketch-lineart-render swap. Rolls right off the tongue, right? Nah but it's exactly what it says. Make moodboards, swap and sketch from the other's, swap again and line the other's sketch, and then swap once again and finish the piece you sketched.
Very big thanks to Brekker for reaching out! This was so fun, I hope we can do something together again in the future!
#seriously this was so much fun#i forgot how much i love doing swaps like these#and i had a lot of fun rendering this#i was handed a really beachy and warm and cozy moodboard and you all know im down bad for some totes adorbs viktuuri#so i gave into all my impulses#also ALSO because im me the instax mini film phichit is holding (yes he has an instax mini because i said so) is the right scale and ratios#because i cant do anything halfway#and this illustration is made on a canvas that has the same dimensions as instax square film#and yes that is indeed a green carnation shirt yuuri is wearing why would you ever think i had it in me to not make him look like a gay dad#viktors just fabulous as ever because of course he is#when is he not#i need his outfit#if you ever wonder why viktor is wearing something in my art the answer is always that i personally want to own it#or because its fabulously queer but those two categories have a large amount of overlap#anyway thanks again to you brekker for this awesome project!#yuri on ice#yuri on ice fanart#fanart#art#arom antix art#arom antix#collab#katsuki yuuri#viktor nikiforov#viktuuri#phichit chulanont
159 notes
·
View notes
Text
Riz has counted four casseroles this week alone. Five, if one goes by the method of cooking, but Yelen's scary when she's crossed, and calling her burek by its proper name is important to her, so Riz does her the courtesy and doesn't include it in his mental tally.
He holds the tupperware over his head to keep it out if the way as he takes careful steps over the piles of notes in his path. The dockman case just closed, relevant documentations handed over to relevant personnels, evidences dealt with as needed; all he has lying around now is just record of the process and traces of himself thinking through it. Unsurprisingly they still haven't invented a surface more convenient for people under five feet who like to pace to put pieces of paper on than the ground.
Actual records go into the case folder with the other documents. Anything else with at least one side still blank is going to the school kids in the block - they chew through an astounding amount of paper just learning arithmetic. The rest is for the recycling basket.
Later. It's his mandated lunch break right now.
Riz sits down in front of the corner file cabinet. In an office often overrun with papers and strings and sometimes even thumbtacks, he's never really managed to clutter up this exact square of surface like every other ones. Ever since the bottom drawer rattled for no discernible reason a day long past, his eyes have always just kinda decided to slide across the space without acknowledging it.
It's years out, now. Riz doesn't know why he thought it such a big deal anymore, back then. He wasn't scared, he doesn't think. Not anymore. Maybe just uncomfortable with the idea that certain things persist despite all efforts to change.
He opens the tupperware. Dame Carabelle's experiment greets him with enough spice in the aroma alone to knock out a small mammal. When he chopped the vegetables for this casserole he couldn't really imagine the eventual heft of it, evident even through just these few ladles' worth, maybe weighing heavier for being still warm. His folk eat more through the smell and the textures and the aftertastes than the taste itself. His folk's meal is really the cooking rather than the eating. The eating is the meal's end.
"Hey," he tells the file cabinet's bottom drawer. "Um."
It's the anniversary. Riz doesn't know the exact date of his dad's death; nobody currently alive does. He and Mom both use the date of the funeral, though as he moved out to Bastion and then got more directly involved with Interplanar he hasn't really been going to Dad's grave as much. Doesn't seem like very efficient use of his time, catching a train or borrowing a car or spending a whole spell slot on going somewhere he knows Dad isn't at. They're sorta coworkers now. They talk on and off every other week between missions. When he goes now, it's just to clean up the place, keeping the landmark tidy and respectable.
Without that work to mark the date he doesn't really know what it serves anymore. But he still remembers it. Still takes note, absently or not, when it comes around.
There's not really a good way to tell the drawer that. Riz looks for another way to start the... conversation, hopefully. The question at play, he'd guess, is why he's doing this. He's been pretty content ignoring all the rattlings and the knocks from inside and the times it sits slightly ajar without him ever opening it himself; hell, he still uses the three drawers on top of it. Space is fucking precious in Bastion.
Precious enough to finally fix this damn drawer so he gets his turn to use it? Riz asks himself. Is that what we're getting to? Then he dismisses the thought - he didn't manage to fix it the times he actually tried, let alone-- now. When he doesn't really care that much to.
That's probably a good place to start. "'s fine if you keep being in there, turns out," Riz says.
The lunch hours are quiet in the block, sleepy and bright with the brief window of sunlight that manages to break through roof overhangs and extended balconies and laundry lines and climbing vines. Riz's work isn't loud here (the loud parts happen away from his office, if everything goes right), but the fragment of early summer heat reflected in the steady warmth his meal still carries compels him to lower his voice even more. It makes the words feel intimate, in a way he's never been familiar with - if he says something he just says it. He doesn't whisper. If he gives his friends something, he gives it open-palm. He's found out, along the way, that people usually don't think of rituals and courtesies the way he does.
Small voice for a diminished monster. "You know why I think so?" Riz asks. "Because almost two decades ago you kidnapped me and almost killed me, and now you rattle a drawer in my office."
It doesn't sound as much like a taunt as Riz wanted it to; the drawer has made a lot of noises again this morning when he checked the calendar, and he was definitely annoyed at it. Now, though, facing it like this after cooking the whole morning with more grandparents and peers from the block than he can count on both hands to cater for a tenant union meeting, he thinks the annoyance has morphed. Changed shape.
It has the shades of something like pity. Riz is not prone to pity, and especially not at these kinda matters. It's slightly maddening that he coheres perfectly outside of this one spot. That he commands his spaces, except for a drawer.
He puts the tupperware onto the floor between himself and the cabinet. "I know we're aware it's the anniversary," he says at the drawer. "You do this every year. You make a ruckus every time I decide to go do my job instead of mooching off my friends' aircon, and every time I get an invitation to some stupid social thing I want to turn down, and every time one of the old people tries to introduce me to a child or a nibling, because being a bachelor over thirty is weird," he pinches the bridge of his nose. "I have three fucking jobs. I love doing my fucking jobs. I'm forcing funds into infrastructures. You're never leaving, are you."
The drawer vibrates lightly. It's a very, very mild acknowledgement, considering the history of reactions Riz has gotten from this thing. Riz thinks it's emanating joyous agreement, or satisfaction.
It only sharpens the pity. Riz doesn't like that, but it's how it is. That's, ultimately, the lesson he's been taught over and over and over again, just by existing as himself, turned every which way by space after space that don't see him eye-to-eye: it's not like he'd quit living over any of it. It's not like any of it can sand off these fundamental pieces of him.
He's outgrown a lot of things, he's found out. Again, and again, and again. A childhood home, a yearly trip, a monster.
"'s probably scary for you, huh?" He asks. "Because I left."
He thinks he hears joints creak that sound like you did. Probably the way a scorned lover would say it, in a movie or a yellowback. He has no more connection to the idea than he did as a kid. Less, because it doesn't even scare him.
"That's what it is, right? That it's the anniversary, and I'll never be like Dad." He raises a knee from the floor, pulls it back closer to him. Slings an arm over it. "You love to remind me. The thing is, Dad also left. He loved Mom and he loved me, and none of us wanted it to happen, but it still did. Because love does fuckall to make anyone stay on its own."
He's long past being bitter about it. It's just the facts. Once upon a time he looked into the future and the specter of his friends' happily-ever-after casted lightless, fathomless shadow over him. Love, marriage, that kind of devotion, to a fifteen-year-old with more solved cases than friends seemed so eternal. Final.
But you can only watch your friends build up apps' worth of jilted lovers for so long before getting over it.
"You know what I learned?" Riz tells the drawer. "Love doesn't make anyone stay. Project management does."
He stands up, and picks up the tupperware of Dame Carabelle's casserole, that he helped make, that he helped share with a block's worth of neighbors and members of a community he's at home with, and goes sit at his desk to eat. "Last chance to get any," he drops an offer over his shoulder as he walks away.
He doesn't eat all of his share in one go. What he's spared he leaves on the desk when going outside for a smoke break. Baron looks the exact same as when he saw them last, when he catches a glimpse; they haven't grown at all. They aren't there when he comes back inside, but the leftover has gone days-old cold, like someone's sucked the future out of it.
#dimension 20#fantasy high#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#this is set a Long time into the future. riz is like 32 in this one#''I will go to sleep'' so turns out that was a fucking lie#lmao I just needed to finally externalize this idea into Some kind of more final form#initially I aimed for a comic with this but ooughgoughhh I am. indisposed. unable to do that rn#and also I feel like there would just be too fucking much Riz Saying Words in that format for it to work. and I always go if theres so much#words in ur comic might as well make it a fic. and well. heeding my own advice perhaps#just been sitting on this sentiment of like. perceiving romantic relationships as uniquely permanent or conclusive#when the vast majority of people I know would hugely benefit from a divorce lmao#since watching fhjy at least. I think in a sense this is kind of my personal answer for that sticky note style comic I did way back thens#how much of that fear of being deprioritized comes from not being taken care of by the community you're in#I think that's the prettiest answer I can give for riz's deal. not one singular Special Person no matter the kind of flavour#but spaces that he's integrated in. that he has a hand in building even#okay NOW I sleep. everyone be quiet ok small voice for good sleep. it wont be a lie this time I prommy
107 notes
·
View notes