#always always be wary of power imbalances in fandom

[darkdoverpseeker]

competent adult writer looking for multi-faceted 🕊️ rps with flexible writers willing to go a little out there, sometimes. i scratch your back, you scratch mine type of deal.

23, gmt, full-time student available to write multiple times a week. literate, sometimes in the mood for longer things, sometimes shorter. descriptive, 3rd person always. i often write older, 30+ characters, and would like for you to do the same!

super not into assigning top/bottom or dom/sub roles!! i like characters that are ✨ complex individuals ✨ and what hole they like filled is literally not important. for nsfw things, let's discuss! i'm super flexible and into a lot of things.

currently looking to write non-het ships, wlw, mlm, anything in between! i write any gender, but lean towards m/nb out of habit. would love to explore platonic things, too! but ofc i'm a slut for shipping <3

ocxoc most of the time, but depending on the fandom i can see myself writing canonxcanon too. wary of canonxoc content atm, but i'm okay with it with familiar writers!!

here's a non-exhaustive list of things i'm interested in & want to explore:

call of duty modern warfare 2

house of the dragon

game of thrones (limited knowledge)

911

the secret history

football/soccer (limited knowledge)

f1

historical plots

plots relating to exploration, such as arctic, space, ocean etc.

horror

exploring feelings of solitude/isolation and what it does to a group of people

something inspired by the game dredge with abyssal horrors and the solitude of the sea

extremely co-dependent relationships between people

toxic, straight up unviable relationships

religion as a tool to manipulate someone, cult-like groups

kinks / tropes i enjoy include: age gap, exhibitionism, name-calling, humiliation, breathplay, power imbalances, breeding, omegaverse, pregnancy, begging, orgasm control, whump, kidnapping, dubcon, etc.

looking for plot-heavy things with nsfw elements added when necessary! ideal smut to plot ratio at abt. 2:8.

give this a like and i'll dm you by discord, so we can continue on there!

like if interested!

[daughterofhecata]

4, 10, 14, 25 & 29? 👀

[fic writer asks]

4 - already answered!

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Oh, definitely "Sex ist Trost". Did not expect that many overwhelmingly positive responses, did expect some hate for the age gap/power imbalance tbh, because I always get wary when venturing outside of my curated little ddf bubble, last but not least because I *know* there's a subset of the ddf fandom that apparently loathes me.

14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?

"weil dieses timing immer irgendwas gegen uns hat". Is it the most visually interesting? No. Is there much *happening* in the first place? Also no. But I do think the different episodes and their vibes would translate into a visual medium really well, especially with seeing Cotta and Victor age over the years, their clothes and the way they carry themselves changing... You'd probably have to add in a bit more dialogue/monologues from Cotta because transfering his internal monologue would probably not be too easy.

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

Yeah. Mostly while writing parts of "suffering is just suffering", but also with "Necessary Tragedies", that one often put me in a weird mood.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic.

Okay, not sure I'll ever finish this one, might happen, might equally not, so you're getting a bit of the fic where Tolja works a case with Karow (& co) post-Nichts als die Wahrheit:

[so-i-did-this-thing]

What is a fandom pedator? I have never heard this expression - someone who invades fandoms or like a predator within a certain fandom?

"Fandom predator" is a term I use, not sure if it's common. But it refers to people who use fandom spaces to prey on vulnerable people. They typically entice their victims with internet fame, access to celebs (which of course they don't have), and/or some spiritual connection to the fictional characters themselves (yes, really).

These predators tend to move from fandom to fandom whenever they are caught. Some just grift for money and fame, opportunities for sexual abuse (always be wary of cosplay photographers who want you alone at a shoot), while others form honest-to-god mini cults. Some try being "Big Name Fans" and others are content to be more niche.

Some of the abuse pulled off tends to be absolutely bonkers (past lives, wizard battles, etc.), and gets dismissed as weird fandom wank. Or, because they form close connections and live with victims very quickly, any fallout is assumed to be relationship drama. "The Final Fantasy House" and "Thanfiction" are two examples that are layered with so much internet lore so as to be impenetrable to outsiders.

One of these mind games abusers tried to target me because I had a costume go viral at a convenient time for him, am pretty open about myself, am enthusiastic online, and sometimes like to "talk" to my characters in my tags/comments. (This is an affectation and should never be taken literally, ffs, I'm just being a goober.)

On paper, I guess I came off as a good victim, but irl, I am pretty intimidating and serious, with zero tolerance for this kind of bullshit. The dumbass also tried offering cosplay fame / celeb access, when I have literally run conventions and have industry connections, lmao.

Anyway, unfortunately there are a lot of creeps out there who are absolutely aware a lot of us use fandom to explore our identities and other vulnerabilities, and absolutely use that to their advantage. :/ Be safe.

[intermundia]

Will whenever I hear about an anon being rude or hateful to you and other obikin writers it always makes me extremely mad. I am personally wary of social media and only come onto tumblr bc of you and a few others. I especially enjoy your blog bc you have so many really interesting things on here. I also have learned a lot about Ancient Greek literature and language and I love it. LT brought me here but I stay bc your really cool. You’re an amazing writer and I’m grateful that you share with us

Thank you, genuinely. I enjoy blogging on here, connecting with other incredibly talented members of the fandom, keeping my passion for classics fed by following classics blogs, stimulating myself aesthetically with an ever-rolling moodboard of quotes, art, landscapes, fashion, etc. It fills me with so much joy to know that it is satisfying to follow!!

I live in a very conservative area in rural America, surrounded by fundamentalist Christians. I am used to homophobia lmao. I have enough fear of going in public and looking too trans, and haven't gone on T for that reason, even though I want to. If people online think that their shaming, chastisement, or violent threats are going to stop me from living my authentic self in this one free place, they are mistaken.

Being queer to me has two facets: being attracted to the 'wrong' people, and in the 'wrong way.' There are a lot of people who want to be attracted to the 'wrong' people but not in the 'wrong way.' They want to be lesbians without being queer, for the t*rf example. Inappropriate sexual attraction or acts like kink are disgusting to them, and they don't want to see it. They want to slot themselves into the 'right' way to have sex—in a committed, domestic, invisible way.

But Obikin is a very queer ship!!! It is the 'wrong' person in many ways, and not just the same gender. It's got an age gap, structural power imbalance, and it's too-familial. It's mentor-student, and many people add a layer of dom/sub dynamics. People who find sex outside the norm disgusting are quick to accuse it of being abusive (since all power gaps are inherently abusive) or illegal (since all age gaps are inherently predatory), even when it is neither of those things. They think it's gross, so they don't want to see it.

Just because they don't want to see it, doesn't mean that I am going to stop creating it. I am queer, and I am friends with other queer people. Sex means something else to us. It is not an inherently procreative, special, sacred, and domestic act. Homoeroticism happens in inappropriate places, with inappropriate people, at inappropriate times. If both/all of the people involved consent, and enjoy themselves, I would say that to queer people that's a beautiful thing.

Creating queer art and sharing it online, meeting other people and feeling seen and known, having fun talking about a human social activity, no matter how disgusting it seems to others—it has saved my life and made it feel worth living again. Sorry that was all a ramble but I am happy online writing gross, queer fanfic, and I believe in it enough that negative anti-queer pushback won't stop me.

[itsclydebitches]

What do you make of the criticism that floats around about Ironwood pulling his forces out of Mistral in Volume 4 and basically leaving Lionheart to fend for himself? People often say he's terrible for bringing his army to Vale and that it caused so many problems. Yet for Mistral, its the exact opposite, that he should have stayed and that he's terrible for pulling out leaving Haven and the Relic unguarded.

Regarding the actual act itself, I think it’s another example of there being no easy answer here. Just like Ironwood bringing his army to Vale had its pros (presumed protection in the event of an attack) and its cons (scaring the people given the size of his forces), it’s a mixed bag by default. I don’t think Ironwood keeping forces in Mistral is automatically “right,” bringing them back to Atlas is automatically “wrong”—or vice versa. When RWBY is good, it acknowledges and leans into the idea that sometimes there is no perfect solution. If you want to get something, you’re going to have to resign yourself to losing something else as a result. Given the “Life isn’t a fairy tale” angle, RWBY is built around conflicts that are complex enough to negate the possibility of a perfect solution. “Right” and “wrong” is no longer a binary, but a matter of which choices these (flawed, often ignorant) characters think will do the least damage, not no damage at all.

What I’m more interested in though is that, yeah, the fandom has certain characters that frankly can’t do anything right. Meaning, it literally does not matter what choice they make in the canon. Whatever it is, it’s wrong by default—even though the fandom claimed to want that choice right before it happens. Most recently, I’ve seen this in regards to holding power. One of the more common criticisms of Ironwood is that he holds two council seats out of five. Something, something, he was always a dictator in the making. Well, others pointed out, then are you equally wary of Theodore? Because Shade is the only true power there and, as Headmaster, Theodore rules his Kingdom in a far more overt way than even Ironwood did through his majority seats. But it’s different because… Vacuo is just like that? Ignoring, of course, that Atlas was ‘just like that’ too. The criticism was never actually about the power imbalance (which is a legit criticism generally speaking), but rather an excuse to hate Ironwood before the canon went full “genocidal dictator.” If fans actually cared about one individual having that amount of power, that would be negatively influencing their view of Theodore too… but Theodore is one of RWBY’s inherent Good Guys (so far), so it’s okay if he holds too much individual power. Because he would never do anything bad with it, right? It's the same logic that guides Ruby's role as the sole leader of this team and, now, speaker to the entire world. In a show where we're criticizing one individual being able to call all the shots, why is it okay for Ruby to call all the shots regarding the fate of Remanent? Well, because Ruby is a Good Guy. She's the main character. We like her. The criticism is not actually about the act, but rather who gets to engage in it.

Same with Ozpin’s presumed time as the King of Vale. I’ve seen people criticizing him for not remaining King and keeping Remnant united under his rule, ignoring that Ozpin’s power as headmaster is also criticized. If he has power he's a danger, if he rejects power he's a fool. Fans don’t actually want these characters to make different choices because, if they did, they’d have to acknowledge their improvement. The real goal was always to, not just dislike them (because fans can like and dislike whoever they want, quite obviously), but to “prove” to everyone else that they’re forever and always The Worst. Others aren't allowed to like these characters and here's the totally legit "proof" as to why. So you get this circular kind of logic. If the character chooses an apple, they’re foolish for not choosing the orange. If they suddenly choose the orange, or if we even imagine a scenario where they might have chosen the orange, they’re now a fool for ignoring the apple. It’s a lose-lose situation. We’re right back to the, “It’s fine if Ruby keeps the Salem secret, but Ozpin is the worst for doing the same” because it’s about liking Ruby and disliking Ozpin, not engaging with the question, “Is it morally right to hide this information if you don’t 100% trust your allies?” Fans are more interested in coming up with more “proof” for why Ironwood was always The Worst, definitely not a well-written character thrown off a villainy cliff—Clearly he should have kept his forces in this Kingdom …just ignore that we also criticize him for keeping his forces in this other Kingdom—than they are tackling the question, “Would it have benefited Mistral more than it would have harmed things long term to leave some troops behind?” Tackling that requires accepting that Ironwood possibly, at some point in the series, made good calls. That he's capable of having made good decisions in the past and making even better ones with some support. But the fandom is so enamored with the, “He was always a villain” reading that this usually isn’t possible. The simplicity of Ironwood's villainy has erased any discussions about his choices because few fans will entertain the idea that some choices might have been good ones (or at least very understandable, lesser evil ones). When every choice a character makes is wrong by default, that's no longer a conversation about their decisions. It's just bashing for the sake of bashing.

[black-coffee-and-sugar]

Fair warning: it's a long post. Let's examine some of the reasons that Kara has cited why she didn't tell Lena the super secret:

1. She wanted to protect her

Now, this one has some legs on it as Kara specifically mentions it in S3 during a conversation with James and Mon-El. And there's definitely some truth to it. But it's also bullshit. Lena was in constant danger and put herself at risk to save/protect Kara who didn't actually need it. In fact, the first time Lena's mentioned (not shown just mentioned) it's in regards to the venture explosion - something that happened because Lex was trying to kill her. People have been trying to kill, kidnap, manipulate, threaten Lena since minute one. Knowing Kara = SG would not have severely worsened any of that. In fact, it might've helped ease Lena's anxieties and resulted in her taking less risks with her life. In fact, I'm surprised Lena didn't think that Kara's association with her was putting Kara at risk (a far more likely thing).

The 100th episode addresses this to some degree in one of the AUs. Lena tells Kara that she wouldn't have had to risk her life dealing with Sam/Reign alone if she'd known the truth and she's absolutely right. And sure, Lena could've told SG and the DEO when she pieced Reign = Sam together but ask yourself, why would she? What assurance did she have that the DEO would not have treated her BEST FRIEND like a hostile instead of someone in need of help? The DEO is guilty of this and they have a history of locking up aliens indefinitely and on occassion straight up murder. After Reign nearly killed their biggest asset (i.e. SG) why in the hell would Lena trust them with helping Sam? She wouldn't nor should she have. She didn't know that she could go to SG because remember, Lena doesn't think of her the same way she does of Kara. SG is not her best friend. She doesn't have a personal, humanized relationship with her (at least not that she knows of). And obviously she's not going to tell Kara the human reporter with the DEO agent sister about it either. And the kryptonite? SG lost her shit over it even though she's been working with the DEO who stockpiled the stuff until SM left with it (a dumbass move that would've bit them so hard in the ass with the WK situation if it weren't for Lena's kryptonite!). Plus, Kara didn't have an issue with Oliver having a kryptonite arrow, J'onn having a sword. But Lena? How dare she!

So yea no. I get that "I kept my secret to protect you" is a popular thing in the hero world but in the case of Kara and Lena, it doesn't make sense and it did make situations unnecessarily harder.

2. She didn't trust Lena

This is mentioned by Kara to William in a deleted scene from S5 but I think it's worth exploring. I'm not sure to what extent Kara means with this but it could be referring to the moments as SG where she did display a distrust of Lena's intentions and she used Lena's personal relationships against her (i.e. asking James to break into Lena's lab). I mentioned the S3 shitshow with the kryptonite which is where a lot of this started but there's also other scenes in that same season where SG pretty much calls into question the so-called trust she has in Lena despite claiming otherwise. The switch was so abrupt the minute she learned Lena not only had but knew how to make kryptonite. Did anyone ever consider why Lena would bother learning how to make kryptonite? I'd hazard a guess that it was something she was looking into even before Sam/Reign. I think she happened to find Lex's stock and she decided to learn how it works and why it affects the Supers like it does. That would explain how Lena seems to be the ONLY ONE able to make an anti-kryptonite suit and other viable forms of the rock (i.e. Harun el). But no, SG and others immediately jump to the worst conclusions and associate the endeavour with Lena's last name, something SG KNOWS Lena is sensitive about it. And then the harun el. SG was suddenly fine with Lena making it when it was to split Sam from Reign and save Argo from extinction. But when it was used for something else that Lena didn't clue her in on (and what do you know, Alex, Brainy and James didn't either and they KNEW what Lena was doing with it) she got back on her high horse and the distrust became front and centre. You can't trust Lena as Kara and then immediately distrust her as SG and expect her to be accepting of this dichotomy. I'm surprised the woman managed to retain her sanity.

And still, this reasoning doesn't quite hit the mark in comparison to every other insistence of Kara believing in Lena (from day one she even told Clark that she believed Lena after meeting her for the first time). But the contrasting opinions and actions must have given Lena pause. I don't blame her to call into question which version of the truth was real and choosing to believe the worst. It's what SG and the SFs have been doing to her.

3. She was wary of Lena

This isn't an explicitly given reason but I do think it's how the secret keeping started in S2. Frankly, I don't even blame Kara for not showing her full deck in the beginning because she (and even us as an audience) didn't know much about Lena beyond wanting to do good and not be like her family. So no, Kara not telling Lena in the beginning actually makes sense to me (though she told Nia in a split second but that's neither here nor there). For me, I started to seriously take Lena at her word after the Medusa episode. That would've been the perfect opportunity for her to show the true "xenophobic" colours some parts of the fandom accuse her of having and she didn't do it. I don't think she even got so much as a thank you for it. People praise SM for getting Lex arrested but ultimately it was Lena's testimony that got him thrown behind bars. Same thing with Lillian! And yes, the daxamite invasion was facilitated by Lena unwittingly working with Rhea but she fixed it with the lead dispersal bomb, a device she allowed SG the privilege of using or not. So Kara and the SFs being cautious about Lena really should've evaporated halfway through S2 (and it did for Kara at least). In fact, the daxamite invasion may not have happened if Lena knew exactly who Rhea was and her relation to Mon-El because they would've warned Lena about it. Lena did want Kara's advice on Rhea and she would've waited for it if she knew what was going on (i.e. Alex being held hostage) and hell, might've been able to fix it in typical Lena ex machina fashion.

4. She didn't want to lose her

This is probably as close to the truth as we've gotten and it's actually part of her confession in 5x01 (something her outburst in 5x19 tries to undo). But the thing is, Kara KNEW this was a possibility and yet, continued walking towards the deadly cliff with her eyes wide open. The probability of losing Lena got higher and higher as time went on and it was always inevitable. There was always this spotlight placed on Kara telling Lena or Lena finding out on her own but there was always a HUGE chance that Lillian would've told her. Or Lex, which is exactly what happened. And Kara knew that they knew and yet she did nothing about it. The minute kara found out Lillian knew she should've taken action, what guarantee did she have that Lillian wouldn't have gotten bored of waiting for Lena to piece it together? How can they just leave Lillian with dangerous knowledge like that is beyond me. When Alex in particular has made such a big deal about people knowing, didn't want Kara telling Lena, only allowed Kara to tell Lucy to save J'onn and yet, letting Lillian amble about with this info is okay??? Nothing was stopping her from telling Lena or it slipping during one their chess games and definitely nothing stopping Lex from dropping that bomb.

The 100th episode AUs showed us that each time it was Kara telling the truth, no matter how hurt and upset Lena rightfully was, she was ultimately fine with it. And Kara ends up losing her to death, not because Lena walked away. How this wasn't the takeaway message for Kara after that adventure, idk. It was Kara's hesitatancy in telling Lena that allowed Lex to weaponize this secret and twist it into something it never was. And yes, Kara doesn't owe a damn soul her secret and has rarely ever been given the chance to tell anyone on her own terms (James - told by SM, Alex, J'onn, Brainy, Mon-El, the Legion - always knew, Lex & Lillian, Lord & Cat - found out somehow). She only ever got to tell Winn, Lucy and Nia and I'm sorry but none of those people have ever proven themselves trustworthy at the time of the reveal the way Lena has.

So while Kara is every right to keep her secrets, she was wrong to insert herself in Lena's life if she never had any intention of telling her and let's be honest, it really didn't seem like Kara had any timeline on that front.

5. She was selfish

Similar to the above and also mentioned during the confession but this is even deeper. Lena was something of an outlet for Kara, a way to feel completely normal, something she hasn't been able to experience with anyone, even Mon-El. Can you imagine being a cub reporter who knows powerful CEO Lena Luthor and having said CEO choose to spend time with you? Choose to let you interview her when she's wary of the press (remember her interactions with Clark in 2x01 and her family history)? Choose to treat your problems as important and valid and human? I don't blame Kara at all for being selfish with Lena, for wanting to keep Lena all to herself like that. But to not share the other aspects of herself was seriously wrong too and resulted in this imbalance in their relationship. To Lena, it looks like she was giving all of herself when Kara was not. It looks like she put all her trust and vulnerabilities out there when Kara didn't. It looks like Kara was using her (which let's be real, she kinda did a few times in S2 with the fight club and bs article to get info on Lillian and then ofc the CatCo-Edge problem she visited Lena for after ignoring her and proceeding to continue the rejection after Lena said she'd look into it).

You think post-reveal Lena didn't think back to all those moments and have those kinda thoughts? Even called into question what might've been the real reason James dated her and Kara was so insistent on befriending her? Were there perhaps times were she figured it out and can't remember and what's why she chose not to see it? Why do we think she still showed up game night in 4x22 instead of confronting Kara? Because these thoughts amongst others must've been swarming her mind and the only way to keep the upper hand is to continue playing dumb. So yes, Kara made the conscious decision to be selfish with Lena because of the unexpected connection they forged and I get it totally. But Lena has never been selfish and she's always made hard efforts to be a damn good friend (and she was idc what others might think on that) and open herself up to Kara despite how difficult and frankly foreign that is for her.

So are Kara's reasons valid? To a point, I would say yes but their validity waned over the seasons to the point where the secret keeping didn't even make sense anymore.

So was Lena's anger valid? Yes! 100% it was and honestly, I'm surprised she managed to keep it together for so long. I couldn't. But her anger doesn't justify her actions (mind control, manipulating Kara, threatening Russell, holding J'onn's bro captive, putting Hope inside Eve) and how she went out of her way to hurt Kara back. However, I get why she did it though it's worth pointing out that this is the only instances of a betrayal in her life where Lena has gone this far. Bitch straight up spiralled where previously she would cut ties and move the fuck on with life. But with Kara, that doesn't even seem to manifest itself to Lena as an option. Will the show ever address the obvious WHY for this and for Kara being so so terrified of losing Lena (like honestly I have never seen Kara look more distressed).

Maybe, maybe not but regardless I'm not buying this platonic friends nonsense because no one is that devastated over a friendship. Many of us (myself included) have experienced falling outs with very close friends and breakups. Which one do you think the Kara/Lena rift in S5 felt like? It was full on heartbreak, loving someone in complete torment and not being able to stop despite wanting to because even though it's painful, the alternative is infinitely worse.

MB and KM's acting choices aside, these idiot showrunners have brought us to this point with their own narrative and the only logical next step is to make them canon.

Lol okay I'm done.

[theunconcernedembalmer]

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships. 

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

.

now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative. 

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear. 

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me. 

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.

[gnflorida]

im kinda curious about how benji making an account resulted in him manipulating fans if you'd like to explain a little more :)

cause i get how that would be bad for both sides. i've seen so many people just using that accs dms as therapy session which is,,,not good imo. so yeah thoughts?

sure anon! i’m gonna put this under a cut bc it ended up being pretty long. but here’s my ramble on that little case study, and the danger of parasocial relationships in general:

tw // mention of grooming and sexual harassment (not with a fan but just as a point of discussion)

so we have benji krol and jorge garay. maybe you know them from being kinda relevant on tiktok like a year and a half ago, maybe you remember the accusations that practically ended both of their careers. i’m exposing myself heavy here, but i used to run a stan acct on twitter for them. i know it’s embarassing! i regret it too! typing their names still kinda makes me sick tbh! but i used to see a lot of myself in them, and the community was fun, and it was nice to see what i thought was a healthy queer relationship. we move on.

benji had a very close relationship with his stans, especially after quarantine started. he had multiple private/secret twitter accounts where he would take a very active role in the fandom. he’d spend so long on those accounts, to the point where there were times where we would tell him not to use them (and that in and of itself is very showing of what our dynamic with him was like). he would reply and talk to a lot of ppl on stan twt, myself included, but there was a small groupchat of about a dozen people that he talked to very regularly. he would tell them things that were meant to be kept secret even from other stans, and in some cases things that we know for certain he didn’t even tell some of his closest friends.

because they were so close with benji, these stans obviously got a lot of clout within the fandom (as they should have too! they were mostly all rly nice, i’m still moots w a few). but what was going essentially unnoticed there was just how much manipulation was occurring. i honestly don’t believe it was even fully intentional on benji’s part. but over the course of more than a year he manipulated them into defending him against almost every negative accusation he faced. these people would have screenshots and receipts from him personally, ready to pull him out of all potential drama or criticism. and he did this by presenting their relationship as a mutual friendship, as if there wasn’t a blatant and vast imbalance of power.

and then one day last august, the allegations came out. jorge, who was 18, was accused of grooming another influencer who was 15 at the time, and benji was accused of enabling and even contributing to the grooming. over the course of the following days and weeks, as it became apparent that these alleged events did actually happen, the fandom was forced to collectively reevaluate the things that had been going on for over a year, and how we had all ended up in a situation where we unknowingly supported those people. since then, various other information has surfaced that implies that benji himself was somewhat unaware of what was happening. you can watch his yt vdeo if you’re interested in hearing his defense, and the reason he’s not canceled off the face of the earth like jorge is. but the degree to which he may or may not be innocent is not really my focus here.

i cannot begin to express the shock of spending so long idolizing someone, genuinely learning a lot about who they are, only to have something so significant and disgusting revealed about them like that. everyone in the fandom kind of compared receipts and took an outside look at what had been happening and realized just how harmful the close relationship with benji had been. to quote one of my rant tweets from august 22nd: “i just feel so stupid because i would always say ‘we shouldn’t act like we really know them’ and. here i am sobbing anyways bc i still put too much trust in these people who are rly just fucking strangers”. and there were several dozens of people that were much closer to him and much more personally affected than me. plus hundreds of others that were involved in the fandom.

and that brings me into my main point here. this is a firsthand account of a very extreme example of manipulation within a parasocial relationship. i think benji did genuinely care about his fans, even if it was in a very self-indulgent and egotistical manner. but caring about your fans does not do anything to negate the harm that is done by manipulating your relationship with them.

it’s not that a fan doesn’t know what a given content creator is really like, because a lot of them do present their honestly selves to a considerable degree. it’s that there is no way to know what things you don’t know about a CC. no way to tell what will surface tomorrow and completely change your entire perception of them. and no way to interact with them on equal grounds. and because of this, i am extremely wary of any CC who presents their relationship with their fans as one of friendship, especially when a large amount of those fans are minors. it’s not inherently wrong persay, but it’s more dangerous than i think a lot of fans or CCs realize.

[notalittlebutalottie]

Hello, luv!!!! How about B M T X Y for the fanfic ask game : ) xox

Hello, my lovely ❤️❤️❤️

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

I went through all of my stories trying to think of one that was inspired and I realised that there aren’t really any. I think it’s something I grew out of? Because as a teenager, I remember writing a KC fanfic (different account, terrible writing, doesn’t exist lol) where Caroline was very OOC and hated her school and wanted to move. And then she moves to Mystic Falls. I was about 14 and that was very much how I felt at the time. Hated high school, wanted to move. The Pokemon Go drabble I did was based on the fact that the app had come out and my sister and I were walking around all over trying to catch Pokemon 😂 Nowadays, I don’t think there are any personal stories as much as there are tiny little details.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

Always. Actually, not so much ‘on the back burner’ as they have been delegated to one shots and 3-parters. The actors WIP I had planned definitely is out the window now.

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

💀 I’ll just...be general about it. I can’t stand power imbalances. I talk endlessly about being a responsible writer and this is a big part of it. Just because you, the writer, are consenting to writing it and are aware that realistically that imbalance is not part of a healthy relationship, doesn’t mean your readers understand that. And I think far too often power imbalances are romanticised and sexualised. My own writing from years ago is an example of why it’s bad: because it normalises those themes for people who are not as developed. I did a post about why I’m wary of dark fics before that goes into it a little more. I get that nowadays, especially on AO3, there are precautions and much more elaborate tags, but that doesn’t always deter unintended readers from consuming your work.

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

I think it’s pretty clear that it’s D*mon 🥲 it’s not that I enjoy making him suffer per say... He just happens to slot into an antagonist / villain role very well.

Y: A character you want to protect.

Kol. I’m a sucker for writing him. I just think he’s neat! Nothing is better than a character that is very smart but uses all his energy for making people think otherwise simply because he loves chaos. I like the idea that he has much more depth than meets the eye, that he can be wise in one breath and a dumbass, the next.

[jewpacabruhs]

Love how having different Cartman’s headcanons means you automatically see him as a bigot or something negative. There’s billions of headcanons people give him. Yet, you can’t seem to process that everyone is different and won’t like the same thing you like.

luv wakin up to ppl deciding my words mean one thing when they dont. one thing about me is i never say one thing and mean another. i say exactly what i want to be heard, and it's not up for interpretation, even tho yall always twist my words (and im talking strictly about me in all this, not any of my friends, jus me). if i say it, take it at face value. and all ive ever said is that certain versions of kyman/cartman are antisemitic in nature. can they be redeemed? absolutely. kyman as a whole ship has been redeemed imo.

ive said tall!cartman and short!kyle makes me wary because it imposes a physical power imbalance where there's already a psychological and verbal one - but if someone makes it clear that their tall!cartman isn't abusive, then it's just fine! but ive noticed that there's a natural inclination to make the tall person in a ship the overbearing one, and that in general makes me uncomfortable, but especially when done in kyman - it's icky to me. but if tall!cartman is a decent human lol (and ur definition of decent might be different than mine), again, lovely! it's just the pairing of physical dominance with mental dominance. iv grown wary over the years of certain... red flags that seem to be present in legitimately antisemitic "interpretations" of kyman.

now, what one considers antisemitic is debatable, though i've never encountered a jewish "mountain" kyman & therefore as a jew talking to goyim, i think my opinion on it should be valued. and i'm not saying im the authority on all things jewish, but im friends with... four jews in this fandom now and we all have the same opinion on kyman. i think that's notable. i'm jus the loudmouth one. and additionally i don't think it's a ridiculous opinion that should be adhered to under like. a dictatorial iron fist. like people seem to think, if im not lai's lackey, i'm a neurotic jew-bitch that wants to police the fandom, but i consider myself a pretty realistic and self-aware person, and i like to think i don't get clouded by righteous self-conviction. so if i got ridiculous, i'd admit it. but i can honestly say i really dont think i have.

all ive ever said, and u can fact-check this claim because i never delete posts, is that some versions of kyman are or border on being antisemitic, and it makes me sad. ive gotten a little aggressive at times, when faced with death threats and intimidation swastikas, but always in public and always bluntly. lemme reaffirm that: i never send anons. i rarely dm ppl. and everything i've said privately to people i've argued with over the last year, i'd be comfortable posting, because i don't think i've ever said or done anything wrong - and you might roll ur eyes at that, but like i said, i pride myself on being levelheaded and nondelusional about my own actions. if i went crazy with power lmao, i'd admit it & go "damn wtf". in any other debate, i'd step into the other side's shoes, but in this case i cant, because everyone who's argued with me seems to really wanna hold onto their antisemitism, and i can't sympathize with that.

anyway. it's not an issue of liking the same thing i like. for me, it's only ever been about antisemitism. for lai, i don't wanna speak for her but kyle means the world to her and she dislikes when people do him dirty - for me, frankly, i don't really give two shits about kyle, but him being jewish means im automatically protective of him, especially because he has been done horribly dirty in the past. people can do whatever they want, but if someone tells someone their portrayal is a little iffy (and that's all i've ever done. i never send anons, i never send my friends after people. i say that with full honesty.), they shouldn't take that as bullying or cruelty; they should go "omg im sorry i didnt know! do u hav suggestions on how i can do better? i love kyle and kyman so i wanna do him/it justice." but if they laugh and embrace the accusation & proudly deem themselves a "bad kyman" or a nazi lmao, i think it's safe to assume there's some legitimate antisemitism under there.

and if they don't try to do kyman in a less offensive way, if they spitefully and intentionally make cartman creepier and more bigoted, make kyle girlier and more pathetic, have cartman call kyle "jew" ten times more than they already did - it's sus. it makes me wonder why you even ship them at all. because kyman should never be about antisemitism. that's not a big part of it. the original appeal was a rival ship, and now it's about their extreme dependence on each other. if people think demeaning kyle and his religion is a necessary part of kyman... 😬😬😬

[sasspiria]

Twin Devils - Chapter 3

Fandom: Far Cry 3

Pairing: Jason Brody/Vaas Montenegro

Tags/warnings: Kidnapping,Isolation, Blackmail,Brainwashing,Drug Use Burnplay, Stockholm Syndrome, Dubious Consent, Canon-Typical Violence, Slavery, Power Imbalance, Sex for Favors, Captivity, Fingerfucking, Forced Orgasm, Forced Relationship, Threats of Violence, Dark, Rimming, Rough Sex Human Trafficking, Drug Addiction, Drugged Sex

Summary: In which, instead of deciding to have Jason killed, Hoyt decides that he's worth more alive to him than he is dead. With a proverbial knife at his brother's throat as well as the throats of all of his friends, Jason agrees and he becomes little more than Vaas and Hoyts' pet killer.

((Read below the cut or on Ao3 here))

Jason spent most of his recent days locked up three by ten concrete room that was occupied by groupings of old mattresses piled on top of each other and heavy looking cylindrical bins and a small, bathroom off-shooting one of the walls of it – saving him at least some humiliation. Vaas had just… left him in there – locked him in more like – after he had once again been healthy enough to be taken out of that dingy, makeshift clinic.

He had told Jason that he had things to take care of and he didn’t trust him not to run his mouth or do something else stupid like that while he was doing it so he would stay at the camp. Since then, the only contact that Jason had had with anyone was a tray of food thrown down in front of him by one of the pirates every so often – the men always held weapons and were wary enough around him to catch him if he tried to run. He wouldn’t though, not if he didn’t want his entire family gutted in front of him.

He wasn’t sure how long Vaas had been gone, as there was really no way for him to effectively measure how time had gone by, but if the pirates gave him food once a day then it had probably been a week, maybe more or maybe less. He couldn’t be sure at all, but how long he had been in there didn’t matter to him as much as the feeling that the walls were closing in on him.

The room was small already but every hour, ever minute and every second that he spent in it – alone – drove him closer to screaming his lungs out and clawing at the door to get out of there – even if it tore his nails off and left him bleeding and aching from all of the effort that it took him, so long as he could get himself out that door and breathe fresh air again.

Jason did everything he could to occupy himself and keep the claustrophobic anxiety at bay. He paced around the room, he worked out – did push-ups, sit-ups, ran in place – anything to make him feel less less like a bird hammering around in its cage, desperate for escape. He’s been alone for too long and he hates being alone in general. Without any physical or emotional contact, he starts to doubt his own senses and his sanity.

Eventually, he settled down onto the mattress, pointedly ignoring the way that his heart was palpitating and how painfully tight his chest was feeling as he did so. He needed to do something to calm himself down, even just a little bit, just enough that he felt like he wasn’t going to keel over in minutes.

He stands up, wanting to walk off to the bathroom to get some water on his face to ground him and bring him back to reality, but in the moment that he stands a wave of dizziness comes over him and he collapses back on the ground. “Fuck. Wouldn’t be shocking if I found out that they were drugging me…” He muttered to himself, curling up on the mattress in defeat. There was nothing else for him to do but sleep and hope that he could find some peace in his slumber.

***

Vaas entered the room for the first time in weeks with a smile on his face, he was excited to see Jason again, after leaving him alone in this room for so long. He sat down next to Jason – the younger man in the throws of a fitful looking sleep, with a distressed look on his face and tear tracks staining his cheeks.

Vaas had tried to kill Snow White so many times, he had set him on fire, shot him and thrown him off of a cliff but still nothing had worked. He just couldn’t get him down, nothing could kill him. It was impressive – though he would have never said it out loud, especially not to Hoyt.

It was so impressive to him that he started keeping tabs on him, having a couple of his men just watch him and report back his comings and goings to him. A couple of his men had floated the idea that he might be obsessed with Snow White, or worse, that he might be losing his edge because of him. They didn’t last long, not when they disrespected him and questioned him like that.

When Jason had come down to his island, angry and drugged up and ready to kill him, he had almost been glad. Vaas did not care much for the preservation of his own life – at least not as much as he cared about other things. He cared far more for drugs, for killing, for partying and even for Jason’s safety far more than he cared for his own. He would have been happy if Jason had been the one to kill him, he had proven himself to be strong enough to kill him. It would have been worth it, if it was him.

But Jason hadn’t succeeded – he had come dangerously close, but he hadn’t succeeded. Jason had come into his territory, high as hell and ran half cocked at him with a dull, tribal knife. And then he had run off, thinking that he had killed Vaas while Vaas had been reborn – scarred, but reborn – into something stronger, more powerful, so fucked up.

They were so fucked, him and Jason. He had come to the conclusion that Jason couldn’t kill him – his last attempt had proven that – and he couldn’t kill Jason, but Vaas could keep him. He could keep him, break him down and build him back up into something better than he was before. Something beautiful, something even more amazing than he was before.

When Jason’s eyes opened, he noticed that Vaas was in the room with him and he could barely register that any time had passed since Vaas had left him. He tried to sit up and gain his bearings again, only to be gently pushed back down onto the mattress. He let out a soft sigh – so quiet that it may as well have been an exhale – and gave up on any small, insignificant act of rebellion that he might have tried.

Vaas had a mischievous smile on his face, playful in a dangerous sort of way. “Hi Jason. Did you miss me?” He asked in an incredibly casual tone of voice, receiving little more reply out of Jason then a few quiet and shaky breaths. Jason couldn’t bring himself to reply either way – if he said that, Yes, he did in fact miss Vaas then he would be sacrificing his dignity. And if he denied it, if he said no that he hadn’t wanted to see him again then he might end up angering Vaas and he really didn’t want that to happen.

And neither of them would really be the full truth anyways. So he said nothing and he closed his eyes as Vaas stripped him of what little clothing that he was still dressed in. rVaas was obviously eager to see him once again, he couldn’t keep his hands off of Jason.

He pressed open mouthed kisses over the length of Jason’s throat before he pulled away almost all of the contact suddenly and asked Jason if he knew what he did while he was gone. The younger man cocked his head at that in confusion. He had no idea, and was unsure of how it affected him in any case. He thought it would be a good idea to keep his mouth shut, but he was evidently wrong.

Vaas impatiently snapped his fingers in front of Jason’s face, jarring him enough that he tensed up and unsuccessfully tried to edge away from the pirates grasp. “Hey! Are you fucking deaf? You don’t want to ignore me, Jason.” He snapped, before his tone was gentle again. He pressed butterfly kisses all over Jasons’ jaw, the gentle contact more jarring to him than anything else. “Come on, blanquito, play along and ask me what I did.” He urged.

Jason frowned, not wanting to speak in fear of impulsively saying something stupid. But he didn’t really have much of a choice anyways, all he could really do was do what he was told and hope for the best. “What did… what did you while you were gone?” He said in a dull and hesitant tone of voice.

The playful, maniacal smile that he had before returned in full force. “I went to Citra’s temple,” Jason held in a breath, expecting to hear about her death. “But she wasn’t there. Nuh-uh, the fucking coward went into hiding. Because she knows Jason, she knows that she has nothing now. She knows that she’s nothing without her warriors protecting her crazy ass.” Jason exhaled shakily as Vaas continued on, “So I grabbed that little fucker with the glasses that follows her around all the time-”

“Dennis?” Jason guessed, speaking without even thinking about it first. He was just glad that Vaas didn’t seem to notice – let alone care – about being interrupted.

“Mm, him and a couple of others. Had them spend a few days in the kennels with a couple of my boys. Oh, and the dogs too.” He smiled at the remembrance of it, “Didn’t take long until the fucks all started squealing, like pigs. Told me everything I wanted to know.”

“What did you do to them afterwards?” He blurted out, again without even thinking about the consequences of his actions. It really wasn’t good for his health, speaking out like that. This time Vaas didn’t react to being interrupted as well as he had before.

“What about them? Who gives a shit about them.” He snapped, “Now pay attention.” He was lucky enough that Vaas was excited enough by everything that happened that his annoyance didn’t last or turn into something even worse. Jason made a mental note to keep his mouth shut from here on out, “So you and me, we’re gonna go out and take care of her. But we got time.”

The next thing that he realizes is that he’s naked and poised underneath Vaas while the pirate lords’ hands slide up over his hips, squeezing them and dragging his nails over the taut flesh so that little pink lines were drawn all over the skin of his hips and his thighs. He’s not stupid, he knows what Vaas is going to do to him and he is completely sure that in Vaas’ mind it’s been a long time coming.

It’s not the first time he’s ever bottomed before – and it’s not even the first time that he’s been with another man, not by half. When he was in high school, he and Keith would mess around a lot. The two of them would get high off pills, shrooms, weed or whatever else he had brought along and then they would start this bizarre game of “Gay Chicken” that would always end up going just far enough that they had forgone their total straightness, but not far enough for it to not still be considered innocent.

They would just kiss and touch each other – little, proto-homosexual things like that. He didn’t know how fondly Keith had remembered the bit of experimenting that they did with each other – he had never bothered to ask, but given everything that had happened to him, Jason doubted that he would want to think back on it, or the island in general, ever again.

Jason had liked touching him a little more than he had been okay with admitting back then and when he grew up and got into college he had taken the path of least resistance. Still, even after that he would occasionally end up flirting with men – at least the men that seemed like they weren’t the type to take it badly – just for kicks. Sometimes, he did a lot more than just flirt – but he made sure not to let any of his friends find out or else he probably would have never heard the end of it.

He isn’t stupid and he knows what’s coming – he doubts it will be hardly as pleasant and innocent as any of his past experiences. But he doesn’t cry out or beg for him to stop – for that would be even more humiliating to him then just passively taking the abuse that was inflicted upon him.

He doesn’t even squirm much until Vaas kisses him hard and full on the mouth, never giving him a break from the affection, not until he’s pushing at Vaas’ chest just so he could finally breath again. There was a near amorous look in Vaas’ eyes as he finally, finally allowed Jason to break away from the near suffocating kiss.

Vaas tells him to get on his hands and knees and he obeys, taking the path of least resistance whenever he can. Jason feels Vaas pushing down on the space between his shoulder blade and he takes the hint. The position is more than just a little degrading, with his hips pushed up in the air and his face buried in the lumpy mattress, but he stops caring about it the moment that Vaas’ tongue swipes over his perineum and delves into his entrance.

He laps over his hole until Jason was a whimpering, squirming mess. He doesn’t think that he had ever felt like… that before. It was good – too good, to the point where it could barely be considered pleasurable. It was just so overwhelming, the feeling of it was too much.

Vaas pulled back and told him that he was wet enough now. Jason had little choice but to believe him, as the next thing he knew, his cock was nudging against Jason’s entrance. The pirate lord’s dick was thick, heavy and hot inside of him. The stretch of him was so unbearable to Jason that he had to breath in short, staccato like huffs to relax enough to take him.

As he bottoms out inside of Jason, Vaas leans down and asks him, speaking quietly in his ear, if he likes it, if he likes having Vaas’ dick inside of him. Jason doesn’t give any sort of reply outside of an anguished sounding moan as he pushes his hips back and fucks himself on Vaas’ cock of his own accord.

He fucks Jason almost gently – at least as gentle as someone like him could get – and with a strange sort of tenderness that he never would have expected from someone like him. He balled his hands into fists and bit down on his lower lip to stifle out any more noises that he couldn’t help but make.

Vaas didn’t like his lack of response and decided to do something about it. He pulled out of him abruptly – so abruptly that it tore a low, ragged cry out of Jason’s throat – and rolled him over onto his back. His knees were pushed up to his chest and spread wide as Vaas positioned himself over him. He unconsciously held his breath in as Vaas sheathed his cock inside of Jason once again. He grabbed onto Jason’s legs and used them as leverage as he pounded into him hard.

Jason soon finds that he can’t keep his mouth shut – with every push, every thrust and every kiss, he makes more and more noises. They come unbidden and unwilling from his throat and they egg Vaas on to fuck into him even harder. He grabs onto Vaas’ arms and hooks his legs around his hips, holding on to him for dear life while Vaas fucks him like an animal.

He’s far past caring about how fucked up this all is, he’s far past acknowledging that he shouldn’t be feeling as good as he is and he is definitely past being willing to hold onto any dignity that he still might have if it means he doesn’t get to come soon. As far as he’s concerned, these are all things he can worry about later. Much, much, much later.

He doesn’t touch his own dick, can’t bring himself that low even if he’s already in the pits, but it doesn’t really matter with the way that he was insistently hitting his prostate with every thrust of his dick. He collapses in on himself when he comes, his stomach and hips sliding down until they were making contact with the mattress below him. He was whimpering and sore while Vaas fucked into him a bit more, taking everything he wanted until he came inside of Jason, letting out a groan as he did so.

Vaas kissed him one more time, and by this point everything had become so absurd that he found himself returning the affection for the first time. As he pulled back, Vaas told him to clean himself up. As Vaas told it, they were going to go and pay the Rakyat and Citra a visit and he should make himself ready for the busy day that he had ahead of him.

It wasn’t until Jason was left alone in the room again that the shame, along with a new and pervasive feeling of uncleanliness that had his skin crawling, he felt resurfaced again. He curled up and buried his face in his hands, biting down on his fist to stifle any screams or sobs of frustration that he so desperately wants to let out. It takes him a few minutes to compose himself enough that he’s able to pretend at some level of sanity.

By the time that Vaas comes back to take him out, he’s tricked himself into a state of excitement at being out in the open – with a knife in his hand and a gun on his hip. When he was like that, he was on top of the world and he’d do anything to experience that freedom, that sense of control and accomplishment all over again.

***

The temple was just as beautiful, in its own antiquated sort of way, as it had been the first time that Jason had stepped up to it. Everything looked the same – which was so odd to him, as so much had changed for him and so fast. How long had it been since he had last been with her, waking half-drugged with her straddling his hips? Probably not even a full month. And he was going to kill her, just like that.

He couldn’t afford to think about her anymore, he couldn’t afford to be sad or have any pity for the natives encircling around the temple, guarding the priestess against any onslaught that might come her way. Once again, he thought with a sort of hopefulness that there was a chance that they wouldn’t survive the whole encounter and it could end. A clean break from all of this, finally.

And it sounded so nice, the idea of at least dying with a little bit of his dignity intact was intoxicating to him, but he really doubted that it would end like that. No, in fact, he was sure that they would come out of this feeling just fine and dandy.

Jason and a few other men kept a few steps behind Vaas, a rifle held tight in his hands, as the two of them made their way forward through the forest until they were within shooting distance of the men that were patrolling the temple. They all went down without too much trouble – Jason took three of them down himself.

He shot one in the neck, another he took down with his machete and the third and final of them with a Molotov cocktail. There was a sort of thrill in him about being out in the open again, with a couple of weapons on him. He was powerful again, invincible even – if only for how long until he was locked back up with Vaas again. He savored that powerful feeling that he was having, for he wasn’t sure how long it would be until he would be experiencing it once again.

Citra still hadn’t left her temple and Vaas was getting impatient. Impatient enough to shoot at the walls of the temple, screaming for her to come out and face him. Face him and end this, and it had been a long time coming too. They both knew that it would end like this – one way or another, one of them had to die to make it stop.

Truth be told, Citra had always believed that she would be the one to come out on top. She had her warriors, she had the love of the natives of Rook and she had her Warrior. She had Jason and he had helped her more than anything. But she didn’t have Jason anymore – Vaas had him and that was much worse for her and for her cause than for Jason to just have ended up dead.

Citra stood proud and tall as she walked out – there was no fear in her expression as she regarded Vaas, if anything it looked like disgust was marring her pretty features. Her resolve only diminished – and just slightly at that – when she had noticed Jason standing behind Vaas, his eyes trained to the ground with the intent that he wouldn’t need to look at her when Vaas…did whatever he had to do.

Her eyes narrowed momentarily and her mouth set itself in a thin line. Jason didn’t have to guess at her disappointment, he could feel it. It was so fucking palpable in the air, so thick that it was close to choking him to death. He was almost thankful when Vaas spread his arms out in a grandiose pose and gloated to her that her warrior was his now and he could do whatever the fuck he wanted with Jason, that Jason wasn’t going to be there to do her dirty work anymore. It didn’t take a genius to realize that Vaas was talking about him – but a cold flush came over him anyways.

There was nothing untrue about what Vaas said – he would come to find that Vaas didn’t ever lie to him, really, maybe half-truths or omissions, but certainly never a lie –  he certainly was Vaas’ now and Hoyt’s as well, whenever the man felt like using him for his own ends.

Vaas was standing close to Citra with a knife to her throat as she hissed about what a coward he was, right to his face and loud enough for everyone within earshot to hear. Vaas smiled and leaned in close to her, whispering something in her ear that forced a look of revelation and indignation right onto her face. She was right in the middle of shouting out something else in their native language when he plunged his knife into her heart.

Jason tried not to look at her as she keeled over and died with little more complaint then an unsteady whimper, gargling blood and bleeding all over the forest floor. And then it was done, she was dead and his life as he knew it – as well as any alliance with the Rakyat that he may have had – was over now.

No turning back now. Even if he had some perfect opportunity in the future, it didn’t matter. He was completely alone.

[ukiinas]

Title: “Of These Chains” Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Rating: T Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Parallel, Alternate Universe - Pandora Hearts, Angst, Freeform, Swearing, Psychological, Glen!Izuku, ChildOfMisfortune!Katsuki, Warnings May Change, minimal spoilers for Pandora Hearts, no prior knowledge needed for Pandora Hearts, everything is the same except Katsuki is the tragic hero, character roles will be explained along the way, Other Additional Tags to Be Added Chapters: 2/? (Ongoing) Words: 2704 (so far)

Summary: With aspiration comes power, and with power, sacrifice. Such was the fate of a Child Of Misfortune. He would never be able to reveal the secret to him, the ugly truth that was so easy to say and yet the words always caught in his throat: he was destined to die.

Chapter 2 is up! Read on AO3

(This is Chapter 2)

Routine. Out of many things that Katsuki despised, routine ranked in the topmost positions. He thought it to be boring, systematic, unrealistic and impractical, and it went against everything he believed to be true and progressive. He hated routine, and increasingly so with each second as he waited outside the conference room for Izuku to return.

He’d always suspected and eventually learned that Izuku was "the chosen one"; he was All Might's chosen one, the special gem he had embedded his sights upon. It had taken Katsuki a decade to realize and accept the reality that was bestowed in front of them both, and he now understood the importance behind their responsibilities and All Might's concerns, but there was still one thing he couldn't accept: lies. He couldn't accept it for neither Izuku nor himself. To make matters worse, it was Katsuki himself who decided to hide the truth from him. Izuku had the hero's association’s full support, and it felt like a stubborn mountain blocked his path and fate. He was weak and useless against the prying eyes and constant threats, and there was no way to prevent Izuku from his fulfilling his destiny, a destiny that Izuku chose for himself, and one that Katsuki couldn’t avoid. A cheerful voice grew louder with every heartbeat and Katsuki backed away from the wall, bracing and steadying himself for both Izuku and All Might, but mainly the latter. The door swung open and their gazes locked at once, silent yet calculating. Izuku, sensing the tension between them, gently pushed Katsuki towards the end of the corridor, a worried frown donning his features. "You're gonna have to tell him some day, my boy," All Might said lowly, catching Katsuki off guard as he scowled in return. He knew deep down that this was necessary, that the truth needed to reveal itself someday, but Izuku wasn't ready to hear it — no, Katsuki wasn't ready to tell him yet, and he probably never would be. Unfortunately it was still a “kill or be killed” situation, and Katsuki always ended up begrudgingly admitting that he would much rather tell Izuku the truth himself. "It's none of your business, All Might," he replied, gritting his teeth as he let Izuku drag him to the building’s exit. The hero's only response was a sigh, a sigh that was weighted with the same worries that Katsuki had heard multiple times before. All Might was disappointed in him, but not as much as Katsuki was disappointed at himself. He tried to convince himself that none of this was his fault, he really did, but he would only break down into a sobbing mess each time. There had also been times when Katsuki thought it would probably be best to succumb to the controlling voices in his mind and disappear from the world altogether, but Izuku's smile always brought him back to his senses. He reminded him that life was worth living, that every moment was to be cherished and valued, regardless of how painful it may be. "You've been doing that a lot lately, Kacchan," Izuku spoke up, eyes flickering and settling on everything but him. "Doing what?" Izuku sighed, shutting his eyes briefly. "Quarreling with All Might," he said. "Or with yourself, it's hard to tell sometimes." "What the fuck's that supposed to mean?", Katsuki asked, scrunching up his nose. His childhood friend wasn’t afraid to speak his mind, but often yielded minimal results from his incoherent rambling. He had more than just an inkling about what issue Izuku was referring to, but he needed time to think, to veer away from the sensitive topic he wanted to avoid. Izuku slowed down to a stop, his face shadowed. Katsuki followed in suit, wary of what might be running through his mind. He regarded liars with contempt and didn’t want any suspicions to demolish the delicate bond they had woven so carefully together over the years that led on to this very point, but Katsuki was the one who cleaved this rift between them, too caught up in his own doubts and insecurities to notice the damage he’d been dealing. One wrong step would allow either of them to trip and plunge into Katsuki’s well-hidden turmoil, a bottomless chasm full of heartache and anguish of words he’d never said. "Kacchan...," Izuku began quietly, turning away from him. His eyes were downcast whilst he fidgeted, as if his words clung to his throat with discomfort and unease. "I...I won't ask what it is you won't tell me. I won't try to pry it out from you, either. But...I hope you'll tell me someday." It was a simple and gentle request but Katsuki gulped, flinching at his partner's statement. Of course Izuku knew, he had always been a natural at reading people's tangled emotions and concealed thoughts, but he saw through Katsuki like no walls existed between them at all. His partner didn’t just read him like a book; he’d memorized the work from back to front and with every curve in the lettering. It unsettled him to no end, and now was no exception. He clenched his fists tightly and schooled his expression before meeting Izuku with a leveled stare. "Good." A dumbfounded look met his, and Izuku spread his palms in bewilderment. Katsuki continued walking, and Izuku bounded up behind him, exasperated. "But Kacchan!", he cried. "Why won't you tell me?"

"God fucking damn it, Deku," Katsuki groaned, rolling his eyes as the other tagged along helplessly. "It's nothing, and you'll never get it out of me if you keep whining like that." Izuku pouted in response, and Katsuki looked away. It was that signature pout of his again, the one pout Izuku only pulled when he was around Katsuki. His partner probably wasn't even aware of it, but he knew that meant trouble. Izuku would only think of more ways to ease the stubborn truth out of the stubborn Katsuki, most likely in ways he wouldn't even notice, even if he searched and composed himself carefully for them. "Mommy, mommy, look at that brother's eyes!" A shocked voice sounded beside them, and they both turned to see a small child pointing at Katsuki. "That's rude, honey. Let's keep walking," the mother said hastily, not sparing a second glance towards their direction as she quickly led her child away, almost sprinting as they turned a corner. Katsuki swung his head the other way and cursed faintly, rummaging through his trouser pockets before fishing out a pair of colored contact lenses. He was embarrassed at being caught out, by a child, no less, and let guilt and annoyance take over him. Izuku approached his side in an instant and placed a hand gently on his right shoulder. His touches always scorched Katsuki like a brilliant brand of flame, and perhaps he was a masochist for secretly appreciating the constant gestures, but they were warm nonetheless, and felt like home. He had prioritized his own pride over Izuku's concern by rejecting his sympathy and telling himself he didn't need it, but he couldn't think of anyone else who would stand by his side as diligently as Izuku always did. "It's not your fault, Kacchan," his partner said firmly, gaze fixated on the road ahead. "They don't understand you, and it's not your fault." His words were intended to comfort Katsuki, but he felt his annoyance increase by a tenfold. You don’t understand me either, he thought. He wanted to spill it all out, to tell Izuku everything, of both his own burden and its effect on his partner, but now was not the time. And for all he knew, the time may never present itself. This weight was his own to carry, and Katsuki needed to grow stronger to accommodate it — for them both. Katsuki despised it when people jumped to conclusions without a second thought, but despised it more on how the mother's suspicions were correct. It didn't take a genius to tell that the mother was afraid and distrustful of him. Red eyes were as much of a rare sight as a curse in the present world, and it wouldn’t take more than several guesses to confirm one’s identity as a Child Of Misfortune. The mother was right, of course, and that’s precisely what infuriated him. He never asked for any of this; he didn’t want to become a symbol of hostility and imbalance. He was helpless. For Izuku was right too; people misunderstood Katsuki and they only knew fragments of what it meant to be a Child Of Misfortune. The truth hurt, but what was undeniably painful for him was how Izuku didn't know the whole truth about the fate digging relentlessly into his shoulders; he didn't know the truth about Katsuki, his salvation and his demise. And thus he decided it was time to stop lying to Izuku, and to stop lying to himself. He counted down the years until Izuku would inevitably become a top hero, and counted down the months they had left training with one another. He marked off the days on his calendar as time slipped away slowly and painfully. He smiled, beautifully and bitterly so, as he clenched his jaw, feeling the hourglass sand slide through his fingers as he was torn away, clinging on desperately to the little moments he had left to spend with Izuku.