#although it looks like Carl might be getting ready to break in

[childoftheriver]

Guess who’s the only one talking…

[ly-canthropewrites]

Trust and Security

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Word Count: 3460 words (I was aiming for 1000, but let’s just say - it got away from me)

Ratings/Warnings: SFW. 

Summary: “Didn’t you hear the news? It’s safer to shower in pairs” @twdeadfanfic​

It’s been over a month since the prison fell, and your group was weary. After one month of being out on the road, vulnerable and exhausted, your little family finds safety behind the tall walls of the Alexandria Safe Zone. Although, the walls do nothing to cease your skittishness. 

The new folk behind the walls were kind and gracious, but at the same time, naive and inexperienced to what lays behind their safe haven and that worries you. It worries your group as well; everyone picking up on the credulous attitudes and their misty-eyed optimism and it just doesn’t sit right. 

The first few days were difficult, a strange adjustment period. After being used to the wilderness and the danger it includes to now having a proper house to sleep in and call home, it felt, surreal. But after a few days, some of your people begin to relax and enjoy the safety of Alexandria. 

You weren’t one of them, and neither was Daryl. The pair of you refused to believe in this wonderland, a shared acceptance in the belief that this place will fall just like the prison and just like any other ‘safe place’ that stood before. Perhaps you weren’t giving this place a chance? Perhaps it is easier to set yourself up for failure rather than have your hopes high? Regardless of the reasoning behind it, you just can’t get rid of the gnawing feeling of the false safety this place eludes. 

Almost daily, Rick tries to convince you of Alexandria’s potential. He exemplifies the possibility of having a future here, a safe future for Carl and Judith to grow up in, a safe place where there isn’t fear about the dead or the dangers that stalk outside the walls. And almost daily, both you and Daryl turn him down, stubborn in your ways and between the false reality constructed and the abnormal kindness from the residents, you can’t help but feel unsafe. 

You can’t lie, however, that Alexandria does have its perks. You have been here for 5 days already and you have not gone hungry once in that time. It is nice to have a healthy food supply, to have a blanket and a mattress that isn’t damaged or dirty and of course, it is nice to be clean. You have taken advantage of the running water system in the town, taking more showers in the last 5 days than you have in the month and it is a luxury that you allow yourself to indulge in. 

The first time you had a shower you almost cried. Not one for the emotions normally, it couldn’t be helped that day when hot, running water cascading over you, temporarily washing away the trauma and pain of the apocalyptic world. For a moment, you could forget the ones you’ve lost, the agony and anguish every time you’ve had to take a life, the suffering and torture you’ve endured. For a moment, you could just be no-one. 

                                 -                         -                         -

Day six lingers, and the house is quiet. It had been decided yesterday that it’s possible to make Alexandria home and for that, houses were given to share. Rick, Carl, Judith and Michonne moved next door, never too far away from family but it gave them enough space to breathe. A large portion of the group, consisting of Abraham, Eugene, Sasha and Rosita, moved into another house on the same street. The remaining were quick to claim rooms; Maggie and Glenn taking a room as well as Carol stealing the spare. It left you and Daryl with a little bedroom on the ground floor and the lounge room. It didn’t matter, neither of you slept much nowadays and if you did, it was never at the same time. One always had to be on watch. 

It was a silent arrangement, just like how your friendship blossomed. One day you were alone, despite being with the group, lingering to one side, keeping one eye on the wilderness around you as if you were ready to jump up and run into its clutches. But then one day, with no significant event as the catalyst, Daryl grew close, being drawn to your side every time a new camp was set up. Neither of you asked for the other to join, it just always happened. It became an unspoken rule that you were to always be partners. If you were to go hunting, so would Daryl. If you chose to set up your sleeping roll in the corner, Daryl would linger close. If you missed a meal, or gave your portion to someone else, then Daryl would give you some of his. It was unspoken, but it was law. You weren’t to be separated. 

                                   -                         -                         -

Summer had followed your group to Alexandria and the pair of you sat on the porch. Daryl was fiddling with his crossbow, nimble fingers twirling and unwinding certain pieces, tightening this and that, fixing up his bolts before giving the entire weapon a wipe down. He worked methodically, quietly, as if his actions were second nature to him. You shamelessly watched him periodically, fascinated by the sleek weapon and by the rugged man. He was your best friend, your partner and companion. You would die for him and he would die for you. It was simple. It was easy. And he was the single person that never failed to bring a smile to your lips. 

Satisfied with your ogling, you return to your book. It wasn’t yours to begin with. It came with the furnished house and in a moment of boredom, you plucked it from its place with every intention to fill the small gap of monotony. What you hadn’t expected was to become engrossed with the novel, completely swept up in the mythical world it held. 

“Yer almost finished that thing yet?”

Daryl breaks your train of thought, startling you back into the world of reality and you shrug.

“Got a few chapters to go,” you say, flicking ahead to see that you indeed have almost completed the fiction. 

“You only started yesterday arvo’“ Daryl states, crooking an eyebrow in your direction, his hands continuing to work on the crossbow without a visual guide. 

“What can I say, I’m a fast reader. You finished playing with that crossbow yet? You’ve been fiddling with that thing for the past 3 days now,” You are quick to shoot back at him, a smirk dancing across your lips in victory and Daryl scoffs, shaking his head in small amusement as he turns his gaze back to the item in his lap. 

You finish your book just in time for Carol to leave the house, the older woman looking well dressed and holding a container of cookies. Both you and Daryl raise an eyebrow at her, silent questions being asked, and she pointedly ignores them. 

“Have you even had a shower yet?” She asks sternly, giving the quiet man a stiff side glance that he shrugs off. 

“I’ll hose you down when you sleep,” she threatens, “you are filthy Daryl, just take a goddamn shower”. 

You stifle a giggle, biting down on your lip to hide your growing smile but you fail miserably, and a chuckle escapes you. Daryl hears it, glancing over at you with a bored expression but when he sees you smiling, he can’t fight back a little smirk of his own. 

“You enjoy watching Carol take the piss out of me, ay?” he questions gruffly, and you laugh at that openly, throwing your head back to revel in the moment. 

“Hell yeah I do. Who wouldn’t?” you tease, poking your tongue out when Daryl rolls his eyes. 

With your book done, you throw it onto the table beside you and stand up, stretching out your arms as you unfold from your previous position. Your shoulders pop loudly as you rotate them and you groan with satisfaction, eyes closed as you continue to move your body. You miss how Daryl’s eyes selfishly gawk at the sliver of skin that is revealed as you stretch, your shirt just riding up to show the smoothness of your skin and he wonders how soft your body would be beneath his hands. 

His eyes quickly snap back to his crossbow when he hears you hum, stretching complete and body limber. 

“You off then?” he questions, not looking up at you as he speaks, fear that his eyes will reveal things he refuses to say. 

“Yeah, might have a lie-down or somethin’“ 

“Gonna take one of yer ten million showers?” he teases you and a warm flutter erupts in his chest when his words make you laugh. 

“Showers aren’t the enemy, Daryl” you remind him, a smile easy on your lips, but your tone is firm. 

He grunts, explicitly refusing to respond and you sigh. 

“Come shower with me,” 

Those words catch his attention. His head whips up to look at you, eyes wide and stunned. You admire his surprised expression, noticing how his lips part ever so slightly and how he sucks in a shallow breath as he processes your words and intentions. 

“Didn’t you hear the news? It’s safer to shower in pairs,” you joke, but your eyes convey understanding.

Daryl remains frozen for another moment or two, waiting for the punchline or the taunt but it never comes. Of course, it wouldn’t. He knows you. You aren’t like that, not to him. So, when it clicks that this isn’t an immoral joke and he allows himself to believe your gentleness, he nods, flustered but agreeing. 

You give him a small smile, jerking your head in the direction of the front door before you turn to walk through it, not waiting for Daryl to move. You know he would follow, he has always followed you and he would follow you to the end of the earth. 

By the time he reaches the bathroom, you already have the shower turned on. You have your hand beneath the stream, testing it, determined to have the perfect temperature and it is so unlike you, but at the same time, it is. He has seen you kill walkers with your bare hands, he has seen your unfiltered rage and your grief, and he has seen the special compassion you reserve for Carl and Judith. But it is rare for him to see you this gentle, this soft, this caring. 

You know he is there, standing in the doorway watching you. You felt the heaviness of his gaze the moment he reached the second floor. But you don’t mention it, instead, you hum as you adjust the water before turning around to rifle through the cabinets for soap. The house is a treasure-trove of good items and the luxury of having a shower also extends to bathroom products. There are different types of soaps and shampoo to choose from and Daryl sees you fish out two items; a creamy soap bar and a green bottle. You set them both inside the shower before stepping back. 

“Go on, get in” you gesture to the shower. 

“Thought you were havin’ the first one?”

“And leave you with an opportunity to escape hygiene? Not a chance,” you retort

You know him too well, he thinks fondly. But an uneasiness sets in and you can see apprehension flit across his face. 

“Daryl, you can shower. I won’t be leaving, I’ll be right here” you say tenderly, taking a seat on the closed toilet lid to prove your point. You weren’t going to leave him alone. 

It’s reassuring, as much as Daryl hates to admit it. He isn’t used to having someone stand by him unwaveringly like you do. He hates to admit that he has come to lean on you, come to let you in. You have never pressured him, never forced his hand and for that, you unknowingly have his eternal gratitude. 

“I won’t even look, so hurry up otherwise the water will run cold,” you announce, making a big show of closing your eyes and slapping a hand across your face for good measure. 

Daryl cracks a smile at your theatrics, relief rolling off him in waves and slowly he begins to unbutton his shirt. Your ears strain to listen, to catch a sound so you can guess what he is doing. The rustle of a shirt confirms that he hasn’t bolted, and it makes you smile. What you don’t see is how Daryl’s fingers shake slightly as he works his belt undone as well as his jeans. He is stripping off his layers, both literally and metaphorically, and he hasn’t ever felt this bare, even with your eyes closed. He keeps his eyes trained on you as he edges towards the shower, his back never turning to reveal the ugly past that is marked into his skin and he only feels relief when he has the shower curtain drawn, letting it act as a barrier in all senses. 

He has to admit; the hot water does feel heavenly. His sigh is, thankfully, masked by the sound of the shower and Daryl closes his eyes, tipping his head back and completely embraces the water. He stands there for a few moments, relishing in the luxury and the feeling of his muscles slowly unwinding, and he almost hates himself for putting this off for so long. He is so lost in heaven that he almost forgets that you are still sitting in the bathroom with him. 

He pokes his head out, eyes falling on you and he smiles when he sees that you haven’t moved from your seated position, hands still covering your face but to keep you occupied, you bounce your leg. 

It’s almost as if you know he is staring at you because you speak up, 

“How’s the shower?” you ask

“Are ya comin’ in or what?” he ignores your question, now smugly watching your surprised reaction. 

Gobsmacked, your hands fall from your face, mouth hanging open and your eyebrows raised in disbelief. This is the first time he ever hears you stutter. 

“Wh- what?” 

“Are ya gettin’ in or not? Ya expect me to leave you sittin’ and waitin’ for me?” 

You nod, “Daryl Dixon, I didn’t expect you to invite me to shower with you”

“Sunshine, you did the invitin’ first”

“I never specified if I was to be in the same shower as you at the same time” you respond, shock fading quickly as your confidence returns and Daryl enjoys the transformation. 

“Get in” he mutters and drops the curtain, standing back to leave you some room for when you come in. 

You are quicker to strip than he was and although he knows you are coming, he can’t help but jump when you step into the cubicle. You notice, of course you notice, but as always, you don’t comment. Instead, you smile up at him with such a warm gaze, Daryl feels his heart clench. Silently, you grab the soap bar and lift it up, expressing your question through your look and he nods. You are gentle as you run the bar over his shoulders and down his arms, taking your time to sudd up your hands so you can run your fingers over each individual digit, cleaning them of the dirt and the grime that had accumulated. Daryl was silent during your endeavour but by the quickness of the rise and fall of his chest depicted his nervousness. 

“Tell me if it gets too much” you murmur, eyes flicking to meet his and it amazes him how you don’t pressure him, letting him control his limits. It is his blind trust in you that allows you to be this close to him and you know how hard it is for the redneck to open up to you, to let you close to his turmoil. 

“Nah, s’okay” he mutters breathlessly. 

You continue on to his torso, rubbing the bar in circular motions and its satisfying to watch the water run dirty, revealing more of the gorgeous man in front of him. Daryl fears it will get awkward when you kneel down in front of him, eyes closed as he wills himself not to make a fool out of himself. Either or not you pick up on his anxious, you don’t say, but you avert your eyes from his lax cock, focusing on cleaning his strong legs. When you are finished Daryl offers you a hand, holding it firmly as he pulls you to your feet and once steady, he doesn’t let go. 

“I can leave your back” you offer. The story of the scars isn’t new to you, but their appearance is. He hasn’t let you cast your eyes upon the monstrosities, barely able to look at them himself. 

He is torn, gnawing at his lip as he tries to decide on an answer, but his silence is one you will accept. With a fond smile you shrug, reassuring him to the best of your ability. 

“That’s okay, tilt your head forward, hun” you are quick to move on, distracting him from the dangerous thoughts that threaten to surface, and it works, the pet name is a pleasant sound falling from your lips. 

He obeys, tilting his head forward and closing his eyes as the water runs down his cheekbones. The pop of the shampoo bottle alerts him to your intentions and a sprig of mint fills the steamy air. Your fingers massage his scalp as you clean the brown tresses and Daryl bows beneath your touch. He slumps forward, head resting upon your shoulder in full submission and you pressed a lingering kiss to his temple, fingers never ceasing their ministrations until they begin to cramp a while later. You don’t want to move him, savouring the weight of his body against yours but the suds need to be washed out, so you tap his shoulder. Daryl washes out the remaining suds himself before he looks down at you, guilt suddenly creeping upon him.

“Do yer want me... to, ya know”

Bashfully, he gestures to you, but you shake your head laughing.

“No Daryl, it’s fine, but thank you” you say sincerely, “now, let’s get you out of here and into clean clothes, hey”.

The shower gets switched off and the pair of you emerge from the stuffy cubicle. Daryl grabs the towels first, handing you one before wrapping his around his waist. There is no third towel to cover his back and he is painfully aware of that fact, tensing up as he realises that he is closest to the door and will have to turn around to walk out. Once again you amaze him, slipping by to walk out first and Daryl lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

When Daryl appears, he finds you in the small bedroom, stretched out on the bed with your eyes closed.

“Tired?”

“Warm showers make me sleepy” you confess, opening your eyes to look up at the man sheepishly.

He hums and remains standing at the end of the bed, hands tucked into the pockets of the old sweatpants that hang from his hips and takes his time to admire you. He doesn’t admire your clothes, although the sight of you in snug clothes makes the fluttering in his chest go faster; but he soaks in your comfortableness, your trust.

He doesn’t ask if you could move and make room for him, wordlessly you do it anyway when Daryl begins to climb onto the bed. He flops onto the mattress once he reaches the pillow, heaving a sigh as his body melts into the softness of the mattress. He rarely allows himself to sleep on it, leaving it for you to use while he takes the couch or the chair outside on the porch. And just like the shower, he realises how much he has been missing out on. And he is sick of it.

“Yer too good to me, Y/N” he mumbles, and you chuckle, shaking your head before you roll onto your side to face him.

“Nah, just doing what is right”. What you deserve.

You both fall silent, letting the post-shower haze settle over you and allowing your bodies to relax.

You are on the cusp of sleep when you feel Daryl’s hand slip into yours, calloused skin brushing against yours and instinctively you tighten your grip, Daryl squeezing back.

“Thank you” he murmurs.

You don’t say anything, fighting the pull of sleep and with a last-ditch effort you curl into Daryl, his arms sweeping you closer to his chest and cocooned in his security, you allow yourself to drift to sleep.

Alexandria may be weak, but it’s given you a safe haven, and maybe it isn’t all that bad.

[bookishofalder]

Just Breathe

Pairing: Adam Driver X Reader (GN!Reader)

A/N-In this fic, AD is single. Inspired by my own love for makeup and the alternate life I’d have enjoyed as a film makeup artist. I also think this ended up with the reader being gender neutral!

Warnings: Mutual pinning. Kissing. Caffeine addiction.

——————

You took a long, deep breath, focusing on clearing your mind and settling yourself into professional mode. This was a routine, which used to simply be automatic for you, until you started working this new movie trilogy and your world flipped.

Just breathe.

You had been ecstatic when you got the call-key makeup artist for the new Star Wars movies! It was an absolute dream come true, after years working hard as a makeup artist for smaller films and television shows, building your experience. Now you were the lead, which meant you were going to be working with main character actors, a chance to really prove yourself, under the direction of the production designer. You would get to design concepts for their appearances and execute the approved designs.

And not to mention, you were a huge Star Wars geek, having grown up watching the films with your dad, who was an original geek. You would watch them every year on his birthday together, a tradition that you carried out regardless of where in the world you were working from on set, you would stay up all night and video call him while watching, if you had to. You never missed a single year.

But now, it was years later and you were working on set of the final instalment, which was bittersweet in so many ways. You just needed to breath.

Because since day one of production on these movies, you’ve been in love with the lead actor, and it’s been chipping away at your soul. Because it’s one thing to imagine being with someone unattainable for fun, but when you spend a lot of time in that persons presence and over time realize how perfect they are to you, it can drive you up the wall.

Adam Driver was kind, funny and serious. He and you hit it off really well when you met, he was always keen to hear your thoughts on his characters appearance, and he’d even asked you recently to join him on the next press tour as his stylist and makeup artist. That in itself was an amazing opportunity, one that would continue to launch your career into orbit. You adored working with him, and spent a lot of your down time missing him, his corny jokes and soft looks and overall presence. Because that man took up a lot of space, which seemed to affect you in many ways, all good.

You felt like that character in Love Actually, played by Laura Linney, who was in love with Carl. Except, you were sure you hid it well, and you were always the most professional colleague. However, pining over a celebrity felt too ridiculous, too common, and you were hard on yourself constantly for it. You convinced yourself every morning that it was simply a crush, one that would fade if you kept yourself focused and reminded yourself daily of the type of person he could date, if he wanted to.

Yet, here you were, needing to breath, because he was on his way to the makeup trailer for end of day cleanup and you needed to get your head in the game, figuratively shoving your feelings down. Daisy had finished and left already, while your makeup assistant Bailey was hurrying about tidying the trailer, avoiding your station, and moving some of the equipment into the storage area. Soft classical music was playing on the Bluetooth speakers, and the smell of peppermint tea you had brewed was calming you somewhat.

Glancing in the mirror, you adjusted your hair, smoothed down your apron and internally chastised yourself for bothering to check. Setting down your tea, you looked over your set up, ensuring you had everything needed, though end of day was always the easier part on this set for you. You didn’t exactly envy the hard work that the SFX make up team had on both sides of the day, but you were always beyond impressed with their beautiful work.

The door to the trailer opened and immediately, you felt his presence. Adam stepped inside, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, his hair and face still fully set to Kylo Ren’s appearance, which always made you smile, as the contrast was hilarious.

“Evening, y/n, Bailey.” He said, nodding to you both before sitting down heavily into his chair. He smiled at you warmly, looking tired. You quickly set a headband on his head, pushing all the hair from his face carefully.

“How are you, Adam?” You briefly met his soft eyes, which were fixed on your own. If you didn’t spend so much timing beating yourself up for liking him, you might have noticed his eyes often following you, or his soft smiles, or the way he sometimes stiffened when your hands ran through his hair or down his face as you worked on him.

But you never did seem to notice. “I’m good, tired today, this week’s caught up with me.” He rumbled. You hoped he couldn’t hear your heart rate pick up every time he spoke. Although, it had been like this for years and he hadn’t complained yet. Or he’d grown used to it. ‘Shut up, brain’, you thought.

“I’m not surprised, after the fiftieth take of this scene I got tired watching you!” It was true too, having to be on set at all times during filming meant a lot of time spent watching the actors at work, and since Adam insisted on doing his own stunts, a lot of the scenes he was in were physically gruelling. You didn’t know how he did it, and despite his words you knew if he was called back to set for any retakes, he’d spring from the chair full of energy and ready to work.

His dedication was an astounding trait that impressed you from the start, never wavering. His serious, hardworking personality only had you falling harder.

He chuckled at your words, his eyes closing automatically as you spritzed his face with a gentle solution you liked for removing the prosthetic scar. He kept them closed as you worked, peeling off the wound with delicate fingers. You didn’t know that he kept them closed because when you were really focused on something, you bit your lip in a way that made his blood warm, in a way that gave him trouble with tearing his gaze away.

“I saw Bailey sneak you a latte, though, which I’m pretty sure means I’ve won our bet.” Your hands stilled at his words, and he peaked up at you, a devilish grin quickly spreading across his face freckled, handsome face.

You faked offence, scoffing “I don’t know what you mean, it was decaf.” Adam gave a bark of a laugh at your lie, shaking his head.

“Just admit it, you’re a caffeine addict.” He’d been teasing you for years for constantly having caffeinated beverages within reach, and you’d recently, stupidly, agreed to a bet where you would stick to one a day for a month. If you won, he had to forever leave you alone about it, and if he won he could continue to tease you for infinity.

“I believe the terms of our bet allowed for one slip up, actually.” You pouted, jutting your chin out slightly. You continued working, getting his skin cleaned and recovered from the makeup, pretending to be unbothered by the fact that he had noticed Bailey sneak you the latte on set. And you tried not to overthink why he would have been looking at you in the first place.

Adam considered your words for a moment, “Yes,” he said slowly, “But today is only day two of this bet, and you’ve already slipped up.” You were smiling now, the joy evident in his tone was contagious. Still, you rolled your eyes.

“I’m only human, you know, but I am competitive.” You hoped you sounded convincing. You weren’t sure you cared about winning the bet, really.

He continued to grin at you, but made no response. You settled into a comfortable silence together as you made your way through the end of day skin care routine you developed for Adam during the first movie. You had one for each of the main actors, and they’d all impressed you with their dedication in following them. You weren’t good at giving yourself credit, though. Everyone knew a skin care routine curated by you was priceless.

“You need me to stick around, y/n?” Bailey asked, popping out from the back of the trailer where the storage area was. She gave you a pointed look, which you promptly ignored.

“No, go on ahead and start your weekend, Bailey, I’m almost done here, thank you.”

“Night, Bailey!” Adam waved. Bailey bid them both goodnight and left, leaving you alone with Adam. You cursed yourself, feeling foolish. You meant to be genuinely nice to Bailey, who worked hard and deserved the break, but usually you kept her around at times like this to ensure you weren’t left alone with the object of your daydreams. When no one else was around, you had no witnesses to any comments that Adam made that you might consider flirtatious. And while you assumed handsome celebrities like him would probably inherently flirt with others as second nature, you never understood why he would flirt with you. It confused you entirely.

You felt your nerves suddenly rear up, and your hands shook very slightly as you removed the calming sheet mask you had placed on Adam. His eyes followed your hands, but he said nothing. You’d been alone plenty of times before, but every time you would turn into a nervous, silly mess, overanalyzing every comment he made and every word you managed to sputter.

You didn’t know it, but Adam always wished for more time alone with you. He knew you well, and could recognize your nerves and always wondered why being alone with him made you nervous. He hoped it was because you liked him, but he was helpless at flirting, and didn’t know how let you know how he felt. He didn’t want to overstep, or make you uncomfortable. You were both technically working, and he felt you probably had much more appealing options for partners outside of work.

Tonight, though, for the first time, you were both exhausted, under caffeinated and, though neither of you would openly admit it, lonely. Years of longing the other, feeling hopeful, was going to catch up to you both tonight.

“Okay, head froward for me please,” He complied, and you expertly ran your hands into his hair, pulling smoothing serum through the thick locks with gentle care. As you focused, applying liberal amounts, you noticed Adam’s hands clench the chairs arms. “Is that okay?” You worried you’d hurt him.

He tilted his head back and met your eyes. He was so tall that even sitting in his makeup chair, his eyes were level with yours. It was nice not needing to adjust his seat, as you needed to do constantly for most of the actors, but it also meant a lot of time face to face, learning to read one another. Your hands were still in his hair. Somewhere in the back of your mind, a voice of reason was telling you to calmly remove your hands and step back. But the look he was giving you had you frozen to the spot. You’d never read that expression on his face before, his eyes were dark, serious.

His eyes searched yours for a moment longer, “Yeah, y/n.” His voice came out quiet, soft. You think maybe your heart would stop working, because he wasn’t looking away. You couldn’t understand his expression, he seemed to be searching for something in your own.

Finally, you managed to pull your gaze away. Quickly removing your hands, you stepped back, smoothing down your apron nervously, “I-I mean, you’re all set, Adam, unless you need anything else from me?” Why was your voice so quiet? And your face, it felt hot.

You needed to get out of this trailer, away from this man-he was having such a strong affect on you. You rationalized that it was simply because you were tired, you really had cut down significantly on caffeine and this was the result, your sleepiness was lowering your defences and he was noticing you were acting strange. That was all it was.

Adam stood, frowning slightly, but didn’t move away from you. Now, he was right in front of you and you had to tilt your head back just to see beyond his chest. You glanced up at him, and his eyes seemed to soften.

“You’ve really been cutting back on coffee, haven’t you?”

You nodded, “Told you, I’m competitive.” Your voice was breathy, like you’d been running. What the hell was wrong with you, you wondered.

Adam smiled, “I know, I love that about you.” You thought maybe you were now hearing things, and simply stared up at him in surprise, his words genuine, warm.

“Thank-um, thank you, Adam, that means a lot, coming from you.” Now, you were basically whispering. Yet your voice sounded much too loud.

He tilted his head, took a careful step closer, the gap between you nearly gone now. His overall hugeness as he stood over you made you feel safe, and a jolt ran through to your core. “I love a lot of things about you, y/n. Like, how you’re face gives what you’re thinking away, if the person knows you well enough, and you know that about yourself so you try to hide it. You look away, before someone reads you-but I’ve gotten pretty good at catching your expressions,” The low timbre of his voice was doing things to you, and you couldn’t look away from Adam now, “And right now, I think I do know what you’re thinking. Can I test my theory?”

He was asking permission, for what you didn’t know, but at this point you’d have given it no matter what. So you nodded, “S-sure.” You saw the look in his eyes shift, his gaze moving to your lips.

Despite noticing this, it still caught you entirely off guard when Adam leaned down, his hands moving to your face, gently, and caught your lips with his own. So off guard, that you immediately moaned in surprise. You felt Adam freeze, and wondered if you’d messed up, but before you could open your eyes to check, he pressed you against the wall behind you and resumed kissing you with renewed fervour. You felt yourself returning the kiss, mirroring his movements, entirely caught up in him. His tongue ran across your lips and you parted them, allowing him to taste you as he deepened the kiss.

And you tasted him, his breath minty and overwhelmingly him, you felt drunk, dizzy. You moaned again, and he pulled away, still holding your face, “Sweetheart, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” He breathed, his pupils blown, face flushed. His gaze was intensely affectionate.

You had to catch your breath, “I didn’t think...I’m just a makeup artist, Adam, I-“

But he cut you off, shaking his head, “Don’t do that, how do you not realize how amazing you are, y/n? You take my breath away every time I see you, and it’s not just because you’re beautiful,” He punctuated his words with a peppering of kiss along your cheeks, “It’s how funny you are, how hardworking, your talent and vision, the way you take care of me and the others, how kind and sweet and goofy you are-I’ve been in love with you for a long time, for a million different reasons.”

Tears threatened at his words, and you had to work to blink them back, “I think I’m dreaming.” You breathed, feeling silly, but he grinned, and shook his head. You returned the smile, gazing up at Adam in wonder, before reaching up with both hands to caress his face, the gesture so much more intimate than it had been when you worked on his skin. His eyes closed briefly, but opened again when you spoke, “I love you too, you know, always have.”

In an instant, his lips were on yours again, this time the intensity was burning, smouldering. Entirely too much and yet no where near enough. You pushed your hands into his hair and he groaned against you, his hands gripping your face and it felt like you couldn’t get close enough to him. He dropped one hand to your waist, pulling your body flush to his, then slid his other into your hair. You weren’t sure how long you stayed like this, fully ablaze in each others arms, but you never wanted it to stop.

When you did break apart, breathless and flushed, Adam was the first to speak, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine, “Would you like to come over to my hotel?”

You nodded, still standing close against him, “I’d really love that.” And you leaned up, on your tip toes, to plant a chaste kiss on his nose, unable to stop smiling.

Adam hugged you close again, planting a few affectionate kisses to your cheeks and hair, before stepping back, watching you as you gathered your things quickly. He took your bag from you as you pulled off your apron and threw on your coat, and you followed him out, feeling giddy.

“We might have to end our bet, by the way.” Adam held open the passenger door for you, when you reached his car, and watched your confusion at his words.

“Why’s that?”

He leaned down, his eyes dark in a way that had you mesmerized, “You’re going to need a lot of caffeine when I’m done with you, sweetheart.” He murmured softly, his voice laced with cheek, and yet you shivered.

You met his gaze, grinning, while internally you had to remind yourself to breath.

Just breath.

[ddixons-angel]

Fated: Season 5

Summary: Gloria Rhee narrowly escapes Atlanta with her brother as the outbreak reaches the city. Luckily, they find a camp outside the city and together, they fend through encounters with the living and undead.

Starts a little before Season 1 and then follows the main storyline of the show.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Glenn Sister!OC

Warnings: major TWD spoilers, language, violence (the typical TWD stuff)

A/N: Can you guys believe we’re in the middle of Season 5 already? I mean where did the time go?? Our group is finally at Alexandria, and a long awaited character is gonna finally be introduced so let’s get straight into it! 

Chapter 8

At sunrise, Rick and the others had set out to Alexandria as they did not want to waste any time. With Rick in the car with Michonne, Carl and Judith, and Abraham in the RV with everyone else, they were well on their way to the community. They get there with little to no complications, the only one being the RV’s battery dying. Glenn was the one who solved that though as he had remembered Dale teaching him that there was always a spare battery in one of the RV’s compartments. 

Now, the group stands outside the gates of the camp while Aaron helps Eric walk towards the gates. The gate begins to slide open and they’re greeted with a rather scared looking man. He only looked even more scared when Daryl shot a possum that had knocked into a few of the garbage cans, collecting his catch and calling it dinner. Aaron reassures the man that they are good people and he allows the group into Alexandria with all of their weapons. Another person from their community had come out to bring Eric to their infirmary as Aaron brought the group deeper into Alexandria.

As Aaron had described, this place definitely was a community. There were solar panels, large houses built side by side, a lake in the middle of everything, and even a gazebo to overlook the lake. Everything looked completely untouched, as if walkers didn’t exist and the end of the modern world didn’t happen. 

“Are you guys seeing all of this?” Gloria asks, not believing her eyes as she looks around.

“I didn’t think this kind of place would still be around,” Maggie says, also looking around.

“This can work,” Glenn says with a smile, “we can make this work.”

“Seems a bit too good to be true though...” Gloria says, looking over at Daryl, “doesn’t it?”

He looks back at her and purses his lips but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he reaches out to her and grabs her hand in reassurance. Gloria glances down at their now intertwined hands and then back at him, smiling softly. The group stops walking as Aaron brings them to the front of a large house.

“Wait here for a bit, I’ll go and let Deanna know that you’re here. I think she’s going to want to speak to each and every one of you individually,” Aaron explains then with Rick’s nod of approval, he goes into the house.

Gloria furrows her brows at this, remembering that this is also what happened at Terminus, “I don’t like this...”

Glenn puts his hand on her shoulder and smiles at her reassuringly, “I know what you’re thinking, but I don’t get that vibe here. It might actually go okay for once.” 

“I hope so...” she sighs, although she didn’t get a bad feeling from the place, she still didn’t like that the people in the community were ogling at them as if they were zoo animals. 

Rick was the first to go into the house after Aaron came back out and let them all know that Deanna, the community’s apparent leader, was ready to see them. They were all relieved to see Rick come out of the house unharmed and then Daryl was next to go in. It wasn’t until he came back out of the house that Gloria’s nerves went down slightly. She didn’t know what it was about it, she didn’t see the people as threatening or dangerous. They were just going about their day while sneaking looks at their group but nothing menacing. Gloria was next to go in after Daryl as per Glenn’s instruction and he would follow suit. 

“Deanna is a very kind and reasonable woman,” Aaron says as he walks Gloria to the living room of the house, he seems to have noticed how nervous she was and chuckles, “you can relax, you know.”

“I know... it’s just for some reason, I can’t shake the feeling of this being like going in for a job interview,” Gloria chuckles nervously and shrugs.

“Well, you’re not too far off.” Aaron smiles at her.

Before Gloria could ask him what he meant, Aaron had already knocked on the open door to the living room and directed her inside before taking his leave. She takes a few steps into the room and is greeted by an older woman with a smile. 

“Hi, I’m Deanna. Pleased to meet you.” she says, extending her hand out for a polite shake.

Gloria takes her hand and shakes it firmly but before she’s able to introduce herself, a person sitting at the dining table catches her eye. She lets out a small gasp and her eyes widen at the sight. Deanna furrows her brows in her change of expression and follows her line of vision.

“Gena....” Gloria calls out.

The woman at the table looks up at the sound of her name and a look of shock overcomes her, “Gloria...” 

Gena gets up from her seat and quickly makes her way over to Gloria, stopping in her tracks only a few steps away from her.

“I take it you two know each other?” Deanna says, a thoughtful smile on her face.

Gena nods without looking at Deanna, “she’s my little sister.”

Gloria smiles tearfully at her, relieved that she was alive and well. The sisters were never too close, even if their five year difference wasn’t a large age gap. Gloria couldn’t even remember how long it’s been since she hugged Gena, they’d spent most of their time arguing with each other. Glenn would always be the middleman and break up their fights, knowing that both sisters would listen to him rather than each other. Regardless of their strained relationship though, Gloria was happy that Gena was safe and alive.

“Glenn’s outside waiting if you want to see him,” Gloria says, gesturing outside knowing that Gena would want to see their brother.

“I’ll see him after,” Gena says, a stern smile on her face, “I still need to help Deanna with the interviews.”

“I won’t hold you up for too long so you can catch up with your family,” Deanna says with a chuckle, then she looks to Gloria and gestures to the single seater chair in front of a coffee table, “please, take a seat and we’ll get started.”

Gloria nods and goes to sit down on the chair Deanna had pointed to while the older woman goes to toggle a camcorder on a tripod.

“You don’t mind if our conversation is recorded, do you?” she asks, then she presses the button to record when Gloria shakes her head, “excellent, now... according to Rick and Daryl, you’ve all been out there since the beginning?”

Gloria nods in thought, “for the most part, yeah... we’ve moved around camps when places got overrun.” 

“Where did you stay?” Deanna asks.

“At first a quarry camp, then a farm...” Gloria says then glances at Gena sheepishly, “then a prison...”

“A prison?” Gena questions, judgement in her voice. 

“It was secure, we had fences, walls-” Gloria was cut short of her defense.

“Still! A prison?!” Gena repeats, disgust now evident in her voice.

“That’s enough, Gena. I’m sure they didn’t have much choice,” Deanna says in Gloria’s defense, “and who were you before all of this started?”

“I...” Gloria hesitates as she glances at Gena then at the ground, “I was a student...”

“What did you study?” Deanna presses.

“Health Sciences.” Gloria says, still not looking up at the two.

“She was studying to become a doctor.” Gena reveals. 

“A doctor?” Deanna says, her voice sounding pleasantly surprised, “do you have any field experience?”

“I... I interned as a nurse, if that counts...” Gloria shrugs.

“What Deanna wants to know is if you’ve ever saved anyone.” Gena says, matter-of-factly, crossing her arms. 

Gloria finally looks up at them and fidgets with her fingers, “I helped stop someone’s bleeding once.”

“Tell me what happened,” Deanna says, a warm smile on her face. 

Gloria takes a deep breath before continuing, “when we got to the prison, we had to clear it out so that we could make it into a home or something like that, but things happened and... one of our people got bit, I’m guessing near his ankle, I didn’t see it really...”

“Bit? By a roamer?” Gena frowns at this, doubt in her voice.

“Yeah, by a roamer... we call them walkers, anyway... Rick took the initiative and cut off his leg just below the knee and brought him back to the cell blocks and that’s where I stopped his bleeding.” Gloria explains, her eyes kept glancing back down at the ground.

“And he lived?” Deanna asks.

“He did... for another few months...” Gloria sighs softly, “he didn’t make it out of the prison...”

Gena lets out a sigh and shakes her head, “what did I always teach you about wasting time? Why would you tell us a story about saving someone who’s already dead? If he’s dead, it doesn’t matter if you saved him or not.”

“It did matter!” Gloria says back, raising her voice.

“He’s dead.” Gena points out, glaring at her younger sister, “how does it matter if someone you once saved is dead?”

“Because he saved Glenn,” Gloria retorts, getting worked up and taking Gena aback, “his name was Hershel and he was a doctor. A flu pandemic hit the prison and we didn’t have enough antibiotics to go around, if you got it, you had to just go through with it... and that meant possibly dying, choking on your own blood. Me and Glenn got it... and it progressed faster with him... if I didn’t save Hershel and stop his bleeding, he wouldn’t have been able to save Glenn. So don’t you dare tell me that saving him didn’t matter!”

Deanna nods at her words as she stands in the tense silence between the sisters. Gena didn’t know what to say to that, and Gloria was visibly angered by her sister’s words about her fallen friend. 

“I’m sorry about your loss, Gloria,” Deanna starts, “I feel that you are a person who does whatever you can to help a person, am I right?”

“I try...” Gloria says.

“I’d like to offer you a position as a medic in our infirmary. With your medical background and willingness to help people, I think you’ll work wonderfully with our head doctor, Pete.” Deanna smiles, “what do you say?”

Gloria stares at the woman, searching for any ill-intent but finds none. She figures that this was their way of paying admission into the community, giving back by working for her. Gloria thinks back to what she saw on the streets; peace and quiet, children playing innocently, a community protected by walls, and not a walker in sight. Having been on the road for weeks on end, this was the type of place her family needed, Carl and Judith can have an actual proper childhood. Glenn and Maggie could start their own family without needing to worry about whether or not they were safe. Even if Gloria didn’t like it here because of the people staring them down, she had to try for them, they deserved it. 

“If my group decides to stay, I’ll accept,” Gloria smiles at Deanna, ignoring Gena’s grumbling of where else are they going to go.

“Bring Glenn in here,” Gena calls out as Gloria walks out of the room and towards the main door of the house.

Gloria rolls her eyes at Gena making Aaron, who was already waiting for her outside the room, laugh.  Gena really didn’t care about being subtle that she cared more about Glenn than her. Not that Gloria cared at all since it was also obvious that Gloria cared more for Glenn than she did about Gena. 

“Glenn,” Gloria calls as she steps out of the house, “you’ll never believe who’s in there.”

He furrows his brows at her, “what?” 

She claps a hand on his shoulder to gently push him towards Aaron who was waiting for him at the door with a smile, “you’ll see.”

---

After Deanna had finished with all of the interviews from Rick’s group, they were taken to the building that housed the community’s armory. They’d agreed after meeting Deanna that they would give up their firearms temporarily; Deanna allowed them all to keep their bladed weapons, including Daryl’s crossbow. They were always allowed to reclaim them when they left the walls, but inside the walls their weapons would be kept, safe and secure in the armory. Then, Aaron had led them all to two large houses down the street. He’d surprised them all by telling them that these houses were now theirs, should they decide to stay. Rick ultimately decided to take the chance but kept a very wary eye out in case anything went wrong. One by one, they all got themselves cleaned up and situated in the living room where they had all decided to sleep tonight. 

“I seriously can’t believe Gena’s here.” Glenn chuckles as he leans on the back of the couch. 

“Neither can I...” Gloria sighs then she nudges Glenn, “so how hard did she hug you when she saw you?”

“She nearly burst into tears and bear hugged me,” he laughs softly, “what about you?”

Gloria eyes him playfully, “you’re kidding right?”

“I know you two barely ever hugged, but I just thought this would be a moment,” Glenn shrugs.

“C’mon, it’s me and Gena, we aren’t ever sharing any moments.” Gloria rolls her eyes at her brother’s optimism.

“One can hope,” Glenn chuckles.

“Glenn, Gloria,” Maggie calls as she walks down the hallway, her hair looking freshly washed, “washroom’s free now for whoever wants to go first.”

Glenn gestures for Gloria to go first but she just pushes him towards the hallway, “you’re the one Maggie wants to cuddle, and I ain’t letting her snuggle you when you stink.”

He rolls his eyes but then laughs in defeat, nodding as he goes down the hall. Maggie chuckles at the two and shakes her head.

“Hey, I love you too,” Maggie says to Gloria with a smile.

“I know you do, you just love him more,” Gloria jokes, she then looks out the front door and sees Daryl seated on the porch, gutting the possum right on the front steps. 

From his body language, Gloria could tell that he wasn’t comfortable being within these walls. He knew as well as her that the people around them were watching their every move, but more so focused on him. She knew that making a mess of the front porch was Daryl’s way of saying ‘I don’t give a shit what any of you think’. With a soft sigh, Gloria makes her way outside to the porch and leans on the railings, watching him work on his catch. 

“Wha’?” Daryl asks, glancing up at her when he feels her eyes on him.

“Nothing, just wondering what you can do with a possum,” Gloria says, wanting to joke around with him to help him feel more at ease, she then turns to find Carol standing on the side of the porch, “Carol, what can you do with a possum?”

A knowing smile spreads on Carol’s face as she glances from Gloria to Daryl, “well, there’s stew, possum roast, maybe even barbeque. It all depends on how Daryl prepares it.”

“Barbeque... hey, you think we can do possum kebabs?” Gloria asks, looking at Carol but she knew that Daryl was listening.

“Kebabs? But we’d need sticks,” Carol says, an amused smile on her face.

Gloria bites her lip to keep from laughing and glances at Daryl, “we could use Daryl’s bolts.”

Her words cause a snort of laughter from Daryl as he shakes his head, “ya’ll ‘re weird.”

“Hey, it would work,” Gloria laughs, a grin on her face.

“It would! I’ll need to think of a nice marinade.” Carol continues to play along.

Gloria absolutely loved the sound of Daryl’s laugh, even if it was just for a short moment. Daryl wasn’t unaware of her intentions, it warmed his heart knowing just what she meant to do. He appreciated her and loved her with everything he had. This is why he hadn’t voiced out his discomfort in staying in a place that judged every single molecule of his being. He had told Deanna that this is what Judith and Carl deserved, but that was only part of what he felt. Daryl wanted Gloria to be safe and happy, he wanted to provide her with a place to call home. They had that once back at the prison, and he needed to give her that safety again. He felt that she deserved a place like this. 

“Hey Gloria, I’m done,” Glenn calls from inside the house. 

Gloria glances behind and nods then looks at Carol, “you cleaned up already, right?” 

“I did,” Carol smiles, “go on, I’ll watch him.” 

“I don’ need to be watched...” Daryl grumbles, making Carol and Gloria chuckle.

Gloria crouches down and kisses his cheek, “sure, you don’t.” 

A small smile ghosts Daryl’s lips at her affection but it’s gone in a flash, “I ain’ no kid.”

“Oh really?” Gloria raises an eyebrow then continues when he hums a yes, “you’re getting cleaned up after I’m done, okay?”

“Nah,” Daryl says, “don’ wanna.”

Gloria laughs as she gets up and begins to walk to the door, “that’s what a kid would say.” she teases in a sing-song tone.

Daryl eyes her retreating backside then Carol as she tries to stifle her laughter, “it’s ‘cause o’ ya that she teases me like tha’.”

“Oh please, Daryl,” Carol rolls her eyes, “she’s your girlfriend, she’s gonna tease you no matter what.”

Daryl felt his heart jump when Carol used the word ‘girlfriend’ to refer to Gloria. Yes, she is his girlfriend, he’d just never heard it being said aloud before. He never even thought about it that way; she is so much more than just his girlfriend. He lowers his head to hide his now blushing face.  

“Daryl, are you blushing?” Carol coos on.

“Shaddup!” 

---

The flow of hot water from the shower head stops when Gloria turns off the tap. She squeezes the excess water from her hair and wraps a towel around her body as she steps out of the shower. Gloria begins to pat dry her body with the towel when her eye catches her reflection in the mirror. She does a double take when she registers the marks on her body. Cuts and scars tainted her skin, each one a grotesque flaw that had its own story. Gloria hated them. She hated how they looked, how they felt, how they made her feel. She knew that she should be thinking of them as a reminder that she’s a survivor and that she’s strong, but she couldn’t think of them that way. All she saw in each scar was how stupid she was and how she had failed. 

“Fuck....” Gloria curses under her breath, trying to control the tears in her eyes as she stares at her scars. 

Not wanting to see them anymore, she quickly gets dressed into a set of clean clothes, throwing her dirty clothes in the hamper. Gloria begins to towel dry her hair, giving herself time to breathe and calm down before stepping outside. The last thing she wanted was for the others to find out that she was on the verge of tears for what she thought was such a stupid reason. 

“Hey,” Gloria says as she smiles at a freshly shaven Rick in the hallway, she gestures to him, “you... have a face.”

Rick chuckles at her words and nods, defeated, as if he’d been getting comments about his new appearance from everybody. Gloria laughs and pats his shoulder as the two walk by each other. 

When she reaches the living room, she sees the others in her group setting up their spot for the night. Gloria spots Daryl sitting by a window and makes her way to him, knowing that she had left her things with his earlier. She proceeds to take out a clean bandage to wrap up her gash on her forearm that was still healing. As Daryl sees this, he takes her hand in his and helps her patch up her wound, not letting her refuse. Once he finishes with it, his arm snakes around her waist pulling her close to him and she leans into him, giggling when she feels him sniff her hair.

“Smell clean?” Gloria says with a smile, making him hum a yes, “you gonna clean up?”

Daryl purses his lips and shakes his head, looking down to avoid her eyes. He feels her sigh softly but doesn’t push him on the matter. Instead, she moves to rest her head on his chest, her arm draped around his torso. Daryl plants a kiss on the top of her head as she snuggles him, his fingers playing with her shirt when he notices something. 

“Ya always gonna be wearin’ my clothes now?” Daryl says soft into her ear with a smirk on his lips. 

Gloria blushes at the realization that she was in another one of Daryl’s shirts, “stop putting your shirts in my bag...”

“I didn’ put nothin’ in yer bag,” Daryl chuckles, “ya were wearin’ my shirt when we found each other back at Terminus.”

“I was...” Gloria admits.

“And ya ripped the sleeves right off.” Daryl teases, knowing she had a thing for his arms. 

“Stop,” Gloria blushes more and playfully hits his chest.

He chuckles at her reaction but their playfulness is gone once there is a knock on the front door. Everyone in the room is on high alert as Rick goes to open the door. Deanna stands in the doorway and smiles at him, not letting Rick off without complimenting his fresh appearance. Deanna had come to them to check up on how the group was adjusting, only to find that they were all sticking together. Apparently, she had given everyone a job except for Daryl, and Sasha; she hadn’t offered Rick and Michonne theirs yet but would in due time. The next day was when the group would get to explore and know the town, and the day after, for those with jobs, that’s when their work would begin. 

---

Next Chapter

So a bunch of stuff happened here, we’re finally introduced to Gena, Glenn and Gloria’s older sister! I have a feeling she’s not gonna be well liked at first haha we also had some cute fluffy moments, and a bit of a angsty moment with Gloria with her scars... a lot happens in Season 5 so I think most of the chapters are going to be this long, more or less hehe please let me know your thoughts on it! I’d love to hear from you all!

And as always, I would really appreciate any comments left for me! I’ll be replying to any comments in a new post because this is a sideblog!

Taglist (please let me know if you’d like to be added/removed!):

@twdeadfanfic​ | @fandomfanatic97​ | @crossbowking​ | @watchmeaspire​ | @spidergirla5​ | @kamieshep​ | @letsstarsfalling​ | @molethemollie​ | @alicewinchester99​ | @neilox​ | @womanup22​ | @jodiereedus22​ | @theonlyone-meeeee​ | @theunofficialduke​ | @inlovewdxx​ | @delightfullykrispypeach​ | @mrsfortune1306​ | @wolfkg​ | @funeral-7​ | @wnygirl2012​ | @alispaceme​ | @themihala​ | @aavocadocloud​ |  @polkadottedpillowcase​ | @felicisimor​ | @depressedfrog2​ | @spacexkiddo0

[yeah-klave]

The Sexual Awakening of David Joseph Katz

Chapter 5: Salt

Link to Chapter 1 || Link to Chapter 2 || Link to Chapter 3 || Link to Chapter 4

Series summary:  A multi-chapter journey of self-discovery and sexual awakening.

Chapter summary: Dave finally finds out what a blow job feels like.

Genre: Developing relationship, smut.

A/N: This is set in a nothing-too-bad-really-happens modern AU. The characters are all in their early twenties (I’m picturing adult!actor versions of them and Dave is the Cody Ray Thompson version!). The siblings are all still living at home, relatively happily, and Dave, Lila, Sissy and Carl are friends who hang out with them at the Academy.

Word length: 3.3k

Warning: Smut (18+ only please).

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of The Umbrella Academy characters or settings.

*******************************************************

Dave was – pretty much – obsessed.

He already knew he spent a ridiculous amount of time thinking about Klaus. He always had. Even back before the afternoon of the storm. Back when he would yearn for him from a distance. Back when he would drink in the sight of Klaus as he curled in on himself to giggle helplessly, or when he was lying sprawled on a sofa at the Academy, his tight top riding up and exposing a tantalising strip of pale skin, or even when he thought nobody was watching him and he would sit staring off into the distance, a pensive, slightly sad, look on his beautiful face. Dave would catalogue these images, filing them away carefully so he could take them out to look at when it was safe, when he was alone. Only then did he let himself really appreciate them. He would swallow down the sour nagging guilt, and pretend he couldn’t taste the bitter tang of wistful longing, and he would look and desire and imagine and feel…

Then Klaus and Dave got together, and Dave finally had a legitimate excuse to spend the majority of the time he wasn’t actually with Klaus, thinking about him. Klaus became a constant, low level thought that was never far from Dave’s mind.

And then they’d taken their relationship a step further. And Dave had finally seen Klaus in a new way. Had known him like he had never known anyone before. Had experienced him. And had let himself be experienced by Klaus too.

Dave had always been a little obsessed, but now he finally felt like it was justified. It no longer felt wrong.

While at work at the store, Dave thought about the weight of Klaus’ cock in his hand, the feeling of Klaus bucking and groaning and shuddering in his arms. Walking down the street, he thought about Klaus’ face scrunched in pleasure then smoothed out in bliss. In the shower, he fantasized about Klaus’ hand between his legs, delicate and strong and slick, pumping fast, eyes focused on him, tongue – hot and wet – darting out to lick his full, soft lips, the bob of his throat, the hot grip and pull, the pressure and then the release.

Yes, Dave was obsessed. He was also horny. Very horny. All. The. Time.

It’s like Klaus had awoken something inside him that Dave couldn’t get back to sleep. It was up and awake and just wanted to get off. The up bit was starting to be a bit of a problem. Dave felt like he did back when he first hit puberty; he was hyper-aware of his body again. The constant need he felt left him hanging hot and heavy and fuller than normal. Dave also found himself getting unwanted erections at the worst possible times. He got a semi when watching Klaus dance around with his siblings in the kitchen while making lunch. He got completely hard when Klaus absently settled himself in Dave’s lap while they were all hanging out watching a movie. He woke up with morning wood – every – single – day – and ended up having to deal with it while his parents puttered around in their usual morning routine. And once, his mother even walked into his room to wake him when he was panting and quivering and thrusting and right at the point of no return. Not his finest moment, Dave admits.

But – as far as he could tell – Klaus was feeling just as insatiably horny. Since their first experience together, they had taken every opportunity they could to get each other off. The very next time Dave touched Klaus, he leaned forwards while Klaus sighed and squirmed under Dave’s hand and whispered reverently into his ear, “Last time, I thought this angle felt weird. Well I just want you to know,” he smiled, keeping up the satisfying pull and twist of his hand, “that I want us to do this so many times, in so many ways, and until it becomes so familiar, that touching myself is what feels weird.” Klaus groaned and came hard, and Dave smiled into his hair.

And since then, whenever they were alone, they just couldn’t keep their hands off each other. In Dave’s bedroom, they did it hurriedly before his parents got home from work. In Klaus’ room it could be slow and passionate, although they tried desperately to stay quiet and keep the sex noises to a minimum, knowing the others were sleeping just down the hall. They mostly succeeded. Tangled together in an old squishy chair that lived on the enclosed rooftop courtyard at the Academy, the night air cool on their overheated skin, they giggled and felt naughty, sighing and gasping their pleasure to the stars above. And once – very memorably – they desperately worked each other in a bathroom stall at the bowling alley. 

While perching daintily on Dave’s knee as he waited for his next turn, Klaus had noticed Dave pressing hot and hard against his backside and had caught his eye and flashed him a look of wicked suggestion. Casually, they had wandered away from the lane, pretending to go for more drinks, but had actually locked themselves in a bathroom stall. The next few minutes was a hot rush of unbuckling and quickly pushing hands into each other’s underwear, frantic pumping, pushed up against the stall door, alternating between staring – panting – into each other’s eyes and looking down to the slap and the spank of skin on skin, feeling the fast, rough bite of friction, and – finally – muffling the sounds of their moans against necks and shoulders as they collapsed against each other, shuddering their release into the warm, close space between them. After they sheepishly returned to the lane, Dave was sure he caught Luther eyeing the damp patches where he had tried to wash Klaus’ cum stains off his shirt, and – he didn’t realise until much later that night when he got home – the spot he’d missed, a sticky white glob that had begun to dry into a flaking crust on the fabric. What he'd also missed, was the knowing look and roll of the eyes the siblings had shared as Dave and Klaus had first stumbled away not-as-casually-as-they-might-have-thought after sharing what Diego had christened their Need-To-Get-Off-Now-Eyes.

Dave could hardly believe how these experiences with Klaus had changed him. He felt light, free, relaxed, satisfied. He felt confident. At home in his own skin. Dave finally felt like he was being his genuine, authentic self. Granted, it was still mostly in private, but even so, he felt content. Outwardly, nothing had changed. But inside, Dave’s heart was singing. Happiness, Dave thought. That’s what this must be, happiness and the contentment that comes from desiring someone and having them desire you back.

And that’s what Dave was thinking when Klaus first said it.

They were lying on Dave’s bed. Dave had just got Klaus off with fast, confident pulls, his teeth gently nipping his lobe, and – just as Klaus began to tense – the firm, wet push of Dave’s tongue in his ear. Now he was lying on his back, Klaus palming him, their mouths connected in an intense, dirty kiss that spoke of an unspeakably filthy promise. And that’s when Klaus pulled back, his chest still heaving, and asked, simply, “Do you want me to give you a blow job?”

Dave’s mind blanked. For a second, he felt caught in slow motion, watching Klaus’ mouth form the words, but not quite processing them. And then his brain caught up and he felt something like a jolt of electricity and a rush of warmth course through him and he surged up to capture Klaus’ mouth again and kiss him hungrily, panting between kisses, “Yes… Klaus… yes… please…”.

Klaus pulled back, grinning. “Yeah,” he said. “I think it’s about time you find out what this feels like.”

Dave’s heart was hammering and he could feel a familiar throb in his groin. Finally, Dave thought. Yes, finally I’m going to know.

Dave’s eyes fixed on Klaus’ lips as he smiled and kissed his way down Dave’s body. He spread Dave’s legs with his hands and settled in the space between his thighs. He saw Klaus eyeing him hungrily. Then he saw Klaus swallow and lean forward slightly to breathe in Dave’s clean, musky scent. Dave shivered.

Dave saw Klaus’ tongue dart out and wet his lips, saw them press together briefly, sliding over each other as Klaus readied himself. Then Klaus looked up, caught Dave’s eye and gave him a cheeky wink and the sight of him there, his face so close to Dave’s straining erection, was the sexiest thing Dave had ever seen.

Right up until the moment Klaus leaned forwards, took hold of the base, and – never breaking eye contact – ran his tongue up the shaft in one long, wet stripe. Dave let out a keening whine. Yeah, no that, Dave thought, his chest heaving, hands gripping the sheet and eyes fighting to stay open and focused on Klaus. That was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen.

Klaus grinned widely, then brought his tongue back to Dave’s silky smooth skin and began licking the shaft, tongue broad and flat and wet, then pointed, following the swell and ridge of a vein, soft over the tip and then flicking teasingly over the slit.

Dave threw his head back and closed his eyes, unable to keep them open any longer, and let the sensations overwhelm him. His senses were on overdrive. He was hyper aware of Klaus’ shoulders pressing against the inside of his thighs, Klaus’ hands on his hips, Klaus’ tongue worshiping him. He felt amazing. It was hot and wet and soft and intimate. He could feel the pressure building quickly, it was so good, too good. He felt Klaus pump his shaft with his hand a couple of times, then take the entire tip into his mouth and suck lightly. Dave felt an urgent throb of pressure and suddenly it was too much, too good, too fast…

“Oh, no, stop, stop.” He cried out suddenly.

Klaus pulled back immediately.

“Dave?” he asked concerned, wiping his hand over the back of his mouth. His eyes darted over Dave, noticing how his hands were fisted in the sheet, jaw clenched, eyes screwed shut, breathing deeply and looking like he was concentrating very hard on something.

Klaus breathed out a sigh of relief, understanding.

“It’s okay.” He reassured quietly. “Just take a moment.” He saw Dave jerk his head in a nod.

Klaus carried on looking at Dave as he lay there calming himself and trying desperately to bring himself back from the edge. Klaus reached out a hand and pinched with his thumb and index finger, right at the base of Dave’s erection. Dave’s face relaxed a bit.

After a couple of minutes and few more deep breaths, Dave opened his eyes and nodded.

“Okay,” his said shakily.

Klaus smiled kindly, giving Dave’s thigh a comforting squeeze and leaned forwards again. Gently, he took the head back into his mouth. He feels particularly huge from this position, Klaus though proudly. Slowly, he started bobbing his head. He heard Dave groan above him, his legs trembling slightly. Klaus relaxed his throat and took Dave down further, then swallowed. Dave let out a strangled little sound. Klaus felt Dave’s fingers gently make their way into his hair, not pushing or directing, just teasing slowly through the strands. Klaus’ heart clenched slightly, it was such a simple action, but in the moment, it felt almost overwhelmingly sweet and intimate. Klaus sucked and brought his head up and bobbed it down again, swallowed and then pressed forwards with his tongue. Dave was panting now, making high pitched little moaning noises and – Klaus knew from the twitching of his hips – he was desperately trying to stay still and not thrust up into Klaus’ mouth.

Klaus continued to bob his head in a steady rhythm, sucking and working what he could with his tongue. Objectively, Klaus knew he was good at this. He has been expecting an enthusiastic reaction from Dave. What he hadn’t been expecting, was that doing this for Dave, and listening to his reactions, would turn Klaus on quite as much as it was. Knowing he was the reason for the grunts and the groans and the little high-pitched whines, coupled with the feeling of Dave hot and hard in his mouth, was causing deep pleasure to pool low in Klaus’ stomach. He could feel himself getting hard again. Continuing to work his mouth over Dave’s length, Klaus shifted his hips slightly so he was able to rut against the mattress and relieve some of the pressure building between his own legs.

Dave was dimly aware of Klaus humping the mattress as he continued to bob and suck and lick. The feeling was indescribable. Dave’s whole body was thrumming with electricity. His thoughts were clouded, he was so sensitive, so reactive, he felt like a highly strung ball of energy and sensation. His entire world had narrowed to the feeling of Klaus’ mouth on his cock. The pressure was building again. Dave twitched and tightened his fingers in Klaus’ hair slightly. Klaus increased the pace of his movement, head bobbing faster, sucking harder, his hand leaving Dave’s hip to pump the part of the shaft that wasn’t in his mouth. Dave’s stomach muscles clenched, his thighs twitched, he tried desperately to fight the urge to thrust up hard and fast into the warm wetness. The pressure kept building and building and a hook behind Dave’s navel twisted sharply and then he was urgently crying out, “Klaus! Klaus, I’m gonna…” And Klaus was moaning and sucking the head, tongue flicking over the slit and fisting the shaft. And Dave was trembling and shaking and clenching, hand gripping Klaus’ hair. And then - for the first time ever - Dave was cumming in Klaus’ mouth. And Klaus was swallowing and Dave was pulsing and releasing and emptying himself inside his boyfriend. And it was hot and sticky and perfect.

When Dave came back to his senses, Klaus was sitting up and shuffling forwards on his knees to hover over him, his hand rapidly fisting his own cock.

“That,” Klaus grunted, “was just so,” he threw his head back, “fucking,” he groaned, “hot!” he gritted his teeth and then his face went slack as he released his load all over Dave’s chest and stomach.

Klaus slumped and flopped down next to Dave. His hand found Dave’s and he interlaced their fingers. Dave took a deep, shuddering breath: Klaus’ hand felt sticky in his own, he was splattered with cum, sweat was starting to dry on his skin, but Dave had never felt so perfectly content before. He squeezed Klaus’ hand. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“You’re welcome,” Klaus whispered back, and Dave could hear the smile in his voice.

Klaus looked over and flushed slightly. “Jeez, Dave, you look completely wrecked. Sorry – here, let me…” Klaus grabbed his tee and started wiping the mess off Dave’s skin.

“Ew, Klaus,” Dave smiled and squirmed, still extremely sensitive. “That’s your tee!”

“Oh, yeah” Klaus looked down absently, grimacing at the gloopy mess on the fabric.

“You can’t put that back on now, you’ll have to borrow one of mine,” Dave smiled, and Klaus felt something soft and warm light up inside him at the thought of wearing Dave’s clothes.

“Guess I’ll have to,” he agreed, but Dave could see his secret little grin. They looked at each other softly for a moment and Dave reached up and tenderly wiped a spot of cum from Klaus’ cheekbone. Klaus huffed a small laugh and lay back down next to Dave, interlacing their hands again.  

“Nice touch with the pinching earlier,” Dave said.

“Yeah,” Klaus smiled. “I’ve always found that works when you feel like you’re about to cream but you just want to last a bit longer.”

“Yeah,” Dave hummed. “It was just so good, and so much all at once. I’ve been imagining that moment for, probably years, I just didn’t want it to be over so quickly.”

“Don’t worry, I get it,” Klaus reassured. “Think I pretty much came on contact the first time someone did that for me,” he admitted. “Cocks… they’ve just got a mind of their own sometimes.” Dave laughed.

“So, what I’m saying is, it would’ve been okay if you had,” Klaus added softly. “Like, no worries. And no judgement from me. Ever. About anything. Standing promise.”

Dave turned to look at him. “Likewise,” he replied, and Klaus smiled. Dave glanced down, gathering himself, then looked back up at Klaus and added, “And that also goes for any unusual kinks you might have been holding back from me too.”

“Steady on there, soldier,” Klaus quipped, “you’ve only just received your first blow job, I don’t think you’re quite ready for the really dirty stuff yet.”

Dave continued looking at Klaus steadily. “Agreed,” he said slowly. “But I just wanted you to know… I know you’re going easy on me… I know this” he waved between them, “must feel like it’s moving incredibly slowly to you. And, I mean, I appreciate it… but I want you to know that I’m not going to be so Snow White forever. So I guess what I’m trying to say is… you’re not going to scare me off… and whatever it is that you’re into that you don’t think you can’t share with me yet… well it’s all fine. Like you said, we might need to work up to it a bit, but there won’t ever be any judgement from me. It’s all good.”

Klaus blinked and swallowed. “Okay,” he said quietly, “noted. Thank you.”

Dave smiled and leaned forwards to press a kiss to Klaus’ lips.

Dave let out a sigh and rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, one hand still tangled with Klaus’, the other resting on his stomach. Klaus remained on his side, one arm propping up his head, just looking at Dave.

After a beat, Dave asked lightly, “So, what’s it like?”

Klaus’ eyes flashed. “What? Giving head?” Dave nodded.

“Honestly,” Klaus said, his eyes still focused on Dave’s face “before today, I’d have said ‘great’.” Dave frowned slightly and turned his head to look at Klaus. “I’d have said: it’s a bit of a stretch and it’s kind of weird having something in your throat like that, but it’s also good.” Klaus paused, “But now, after today, I’d have to change that to ‘amazing’.” Dave’s face softened, his eyes still flitting over Klaus’ face. Klaus let his eyes drift and they lost focus as he remembered. “Feeling you fall apart under me was incredible and then hearing you announce your orgasm like that was – just – so – sexy. Giving head has always been something I’ve been good at, but it’s not something I ever got off from. Until tonight.” He squeezed Dave’s hand and focused back on Dave’s face. “Your cock is officially the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth.” He leaned over and punctuated his words with a kiss, ending by nuzzling their noses together.

“Wow, I’m honored,” Dave breathed into the space between them, so close his lips brushed Klaus’ as he spoke. “Also, that sounds amazing.” He ran his hand down the length of Klaus’ body, finally letting it rest on the curve of his backside and giving a light squeeze. “I can’t wait to try it.” And Klaus groaned, connected their lips and pushed his tongue into Dave’s mouth. And Dave smiled into the kiss, tasting the faint tang of salt.

[deanie1987]

My thoughts on 10x8 (LONG and SPOILERY)

Hey how about that episode huh? I have a lot of thoughts about it so this may be...uh pretty long. First off, I really liked the episode (at least the Gallavich parts that’s all I’ve seen so far. I am SO happy that I understand where they both are coming from and I don’t have to head canon anything. That in itself makes this episode much better than I thought it would be. Also, I have been vomiting my opinions all over The Internet so I apologize if I’m repeating myself.

First the good stuff: OPEN AFFECTION AND LOVE AND SMILES! The warmth that their happiness gives me could heat my entire house for a year. It is such a wonderful thing to see. From them arm in arm to holding hands in the diner to that incredible kiss at the courthouse (which has now jumped into my top 3 kisses) it truly is making the season for me. I miss the sex scenes and they don’t get enough screentime, but they feel like lovers to me, not roomates or pals. Finally. I also love that it seems like Mickey is 99% comfortable with it, but there is still that 1% of holding back.

IAN. Oh my god Ian!! *Fiona voice* He is trying so hard. He is doing his best to really communicate with Mickey and maintain a healthy relationship. But it’s hard for him and he’s not good at it and he gets really jumbled and nervous when he’s trying to get his thoughts out (god I relate to Ian so hard sadly.) He is initiating so much of the affection and the declarations and wanting Mickey to know that he loves him. We have been waiting for so long to see it and I’m so thankful.

The acting - Noel and Cam are a gift and they give this mediocre material such depth and emotion. No matter how ridiculous the plot, they know their characters and they take them seriously. I can’t imagine caring about this couple even a fraction as much if they weren’t played by them.

The character consistency (which is an extension of the acting) - Puppy Ian has made a triumphant return but that is tempered by his life experiences. He isn’t naive and idealistic anymore. His confidence and self-worth have taken huge blows over the years and it shows in how he approaches the proposal and then of course in his cold feet (and how desperate he is for advice now as compared to before his diagnosis). It seems perfectly in character for Ian to grab onto an impulsive notion with the best of intentions and then second guess himself and fuck it up the second it really matters. I think he is trying to control his impulses and I DO think that he had the best of intentions with the proposal and the marriage idea, but the self doubt crept in at the last moment like it always does. Having said that, they were fighting and rushed and I don’t blame him for wanting to take a step back to figure things out once circumstances changed. Unfortunately, his impulses once again ended up breaking Mickey’s heart and I appreciate just how good Noel is. The script never once referenced anything other than their current situation, but you could read on his face the toll of years of disappointment and humiliation and anger. My god.

Which leads me to the bad:

The last scene - I know that a lot of people hate the punch and think its out of character for Mickey, but I just don’t. Violence isn’t a first resort for either of them anymore, but it is definitely still in their arsenal. They threw punches in season 5 (Ian being the initiator), Mickey drugged Sammi in order to torture her, they shoved and pushed each other in season 7, Mickey tried to start a fight with one of the cartel guys then as well, he stabbed people in prison for pay, he and Ian both stabbed Chester with no qualms and Ian was prepared to do it again, he and Ian physically fought in 10x3 (they each shoved each other pretty hard), Ian threw punches in season 6 and physically threatened a lot of people as Gay Jesus.  They grew up around casual violence. In the first few seasons they both sported cuts and black eyes all the time. They got hit by their parents, by their siblings, by strangers and by each other. It might not be as frequent as it was when they were young, but it is still a form of communication for them both, for better or for worse. Beyond that, Mickey is an abuse survivor who spent the last few years either in jail, on the run or in a Mexican drug cartel. To act as though violence isn’t part of his life anymore just makes no sense to me. He has grown tremendously and I do think that violence against Ian is something that probably horrifies him, but that punch was YEARS in the making. He tried to remove himself from Ian and the situation but when Ian asked him to communicate how he felt about things, you could just see in his face the disbelief and incredulity that after all his words and his grand gestures, that Ian would STILL somehow not know how he felt. So he walked back up the steps, maybe hoping that he could come up with words that would adequately convey the heartbreak, anger, betrayal, loneliness, humiliation and disappointment that he has felt for years where Ian was concerned. But instead he punched him. I don’t like it but I get it. And Ian seemed more annoyed than scared or genuinely angry, and I will be shocked if a big deal is made of it by anyone in the next episode. The falling down the stairs and leg breaking was an accident obviously and necessitated by Cam’s leg, but it wouldn’t shock me if the writers had something like that in the script beforehand. These are damaged guys who grew up and still live in shitty environment full of poverty, ignorance, crime and casual violence. The Gallaghers may be on the edge of upward mobility but they aren’t all there yet and that probably goes double for Mickey. 

All things Terry and the Milkoviches - I appreciate that Mickey is no longer afraid of his father, but that whole scene sat terribly with me. This is one of the areas where Noel’s 5 year absence from the larger Shameless universe really stands out and it’s clear that trying to pick up where they left off really doesn’t work. The new Milkoviches are bland and dumb as well.

Ian’s jabs - I’m really ready for Ian to knock it off with the digs about Mickey to Lip. I’m glad that Mickey challenged him about murdering people (although again, seriously is really THAT much of a stretch to think that Mickey has been involved in something a little seedier, though you would think that Ian would know by now.) I hope it comes up again and Ian apologizes for thinking that way about him.

Episode as a whole - I didn’t watch the rest of the episode yet (maybe more thoughts on that if anything inspires me) but fast forwarding through the other scenes made the lack of character interaction that much more noticeable. It is ridiculous that Ian has had more scenes with Tami than with Carl. I hate it.

One last negative I guess. Every scene that we have gotten with Mickey and Ian together have been nearly perfect, but it isn’t enough and I really wish that they had started this storyline at the very beginning of the season and not rushed so much of it. I still kind of want a season 11 with them in it, because there is so much stuff that we don’t know. For example, I find it really interesting that in some ways, Mickey and Ian are somewhat back to their earlier selves. In season 4 and 5, Ian sort of devolved into drugs, prostitution and various scams (mostly due to his illness of course) while Mickey tried to be at least a little bit more on the up and up. They sort of met in the middle of the criminality spectrum. But now they seem to be more closely aligned with their seasons 1-3 situations. Obviously, Mickey is out and Ian has been diagnosed with bipolar, so their personalities have definitely changed since that time. But in the years that they were separated, Ian sort of pulled himself back into “normal” society for awhile with a legit job and vaguely middle class aspirations (at least until he went off the deep end and stopped taking his meds). In the meantime, Mickey was sent away to a real prison and worked for a Mexican drug cartel. No middle class aspirations there. For as much as they are in love and as much as I believe that they know each other better than anyone else, they have changed a LOT and experienced things apart that are hugely impactful to their development as adults. They are coming together again, but not as the teenage boys that they once were, but the products of their experiences mostly while they were apart and I really wish that that would be explored more. I know that fanfic can fill a lot of holes, but I have been so impressed with the way that Noel and Cam have played everything so far that I want to see them on my screen as these characters for as long as I can.Finally, next week looks interesting. I think that the majority will be played for laughs but judging from the stills, the emotion is going to knock us on our asses. I can’t wait. 

[izayoichan]

“It's not silly, it matters to me…” “It feel's silly when I'm not the one that got hurt, it isn't me that's almost dying every other day. 

He sighs, not wanting to and wanting to talk about it at the same time.

“He told me I was enough as just me, that even if Hayden...dies, then I would be enough. And he told me you would come back, he pretty much guaranteed it…”

River listens to him attentively, his hand resting on Rylan's side and he gives him a small concerned smile.

“It's not silly. Just because you weren't physically hurt doesn't mean you're not hurting. And he was right, you are enough. You're more than enough, to me you're everything! What makes you think you're not enough? Why do you think that?” “It's always been me and Hayden, it's like if one of us goes away, can the other one be enough? And since he has always been the sickly one, it's always been me that has cared for him, so what am I without that?”

He can feel the tears burn in his eyes, trying his best to keep control over his emotions. 

“And I guess, part of me is caring for my brother, I have done it since we were kids, suddenly seeing myself without that, it is hard.. “

He looks up at River, knowing he felt alone during all that time, his parents and everyone did the best they could but they were not River. River gently trails his tears with his thumb, watching him carefully. 

“You're always taking care of everyone else. I can see why you'd feel lost, but you're so much more than just that. You're not just Hayden's twin, you're not just the brother who takes care. You're so much more, you're more than enough. You're Rylan, kind, caring loveable Rylan, who loves stray pets and DnD sessions, and is the most beautiful and ethereal model in any magazine, who always worries so much about everyone and is there for all of us. You're so much more. You're intelligent and creative, you could be a writer even with the wonderful stories you come up with. 

He brushes his cheek gently. 

“You're the Rylan who doesn't get social media, still comes up with witty comebacks and remarks that leave me speechless.”

Rylan smiles, oddly hearing River tell him these things was one of the things he had missed the most while he was away. That and the kisses, the closeness and just everything that was River to him. 

“I think maybe you're taking my skills in storytelling a little too far, but thank you. And don't worry, you won't be begged to model tomorrow, solo shoot so you'll just get to watch and be an annoyance to Carl.” “Ah! To annoy Icebergjaw, my second true purpose. My first is to love you dearly.”

He kisses Rylan gently.

“You are amazing, you are enough and you can tell me anything, be it silly or painful. I will do my best to kiss the pain away and make it all good again.”

Rylan chuckles at the comment about annoying Carl, the familiarity and comfort of River being back making him relax for the first time in a long time, holding back a slight jawn. 

“He's been telling me you're not coming back.. I mean Hayden punched him, and by punch, I mean floored him.” “Wait, Hayden punched him?! Why?”

River chuckles, his hand resting on Rylan’s side, just the thumb lightly caressing the skin. 

“Because he keeps doing more than he should on couple shoots, and because he kept insisting I should be with him, and you would never come back.”

He smiles at the memory of the shocked look on his face when he hit the ground. 

“Hayden told him to stop, he told him to make him, and well he did. He calmed down a lot after that... heck, even Vy has threatened him to stop, although not hitting.” “Vy? Antsy kitten Vy? Well, Iceberg jaw appears to need some sinking 

He shakes his head, and kisses Rylan gently 

“There's something else I want to ask though... You don't have to speak about it if you don't feel up for it. Before... when you were telling me about you... You said you just kept going until... Until what?”

Rylan looks at River, not really wanting to touch on it at all, but at the same time, he knows they will be touching on it at some point... 

“Until that day when I went to RoM and Morgyn served me his lie about you being his fiancè, I guess it was the final drop of what I could handle. I didn't believe him, but it hurt, and it sent me home alone when all I wanted and needed was you... I'm sorry... “

He hides his face on River's chest, it was this feeling of being too weak to handle everything, and he still remembers how his dad had sat with him for hours that day. 

“Don't be sorry... Don't be sorry... I'm the one that should be sorry for not being here for you.”

He rubs Rylan's head gently, kissing the top of it.

“You were so strong. All this time, your brother dying, your life breaking apart and look at you, you're so very strong. Always so strong, here for everyone, taking care of so much on your own. You are so very strong. I know you may feel weak for breaking down, but no, you're not weak. Never think you're weak. You're strong and it's because you're strong that you made it this far.”

He kisses the top of Rylan's head again, his heart aching for the man in his arms, all he had to face alone, the fears, the lies, the pain, all alone. 

“You're not alone anymore.” “Neither are you.”

Rylan slides his arm over River side so he can hold around him, he had realized how lonely the three years must have been for him, and when he stopped coming it must have felt even worse. Coming back, to find the shelter and his mother gone, all of it must have felt lonely. 

“You have me, my brother, Vy and my parents were your family.. if you want us to be.”

He feels River pull him up to him, their eyes meeting a small smile on Rivers face as he kisses him. 

“I missed you and I love you, Rylan.” “I love you too.”

He smiles at him, the world feeling right for the first time in over three years.

“You should get some sleep though, it might be an eventful day tomorrow, well after school that is. Maybe I should tell you a story, so you'll fall asleep?” “Sleep with me, I don't need stories just you here, close to me…” “I don't really sleep, but I'll just lie here with you.”

He snuggles up to River, playing a little with his hair, for once the quiet of the house not bothering him at all, just closing his eyes, and letting himself relax alongside River. River smiles as he feels him snuggle against him, but he doesn't close his eyes, just watching Rylan slowly relax, for seconds it was as if everything was good with the world and nothing wrong happened. He had never left, Rylan had never been hurt, they were alright, together just as they should, he closes his eyes, listening to Rylan's breathing, whispering

“I love you.”

Rylan smiles as he hears River's words, just relaxing in his arms, slowly but surely falling asleep for the first time in over a year, not from exhaustion this time, but from the comfort of who he is there with. River realizing Rylan is asleep, which makes him smile before he too drifts off to sleep. 

“Rylan, have you forgotten the time?”

There is a knock on the door in the early morning, Chris’s voice on the other side, River waking up noticing Rylan still asleep, only slightly stirring from his dad’s voice.

“Rylan?” “Hmh?”

Rylan slowly opens his eyes, stretching the fact that he has been asleep slowly dawning on him. 

“Ehm... what time is it?” “School time, so hop to it! Vy is waiting for you, and I guess River wants to walk you two there?”

Chris chuckles as he walks away without opening the door, going back down to Vy to tell him his walking companion overslept. 

“Oh.. ehm... yeah, you want to walk us, or should dad take us? I mean... “

Sits up and stretches again, before he turns around and kisses River quickly, as he tries to get his head properly awake, this whole sleep thing being something he just isn’t used too. Rylan quickly getting dressed so that poor Vy doesn’t have to wait even longer for him

“I’ll walk you to school, then I need to head to RoM.” “Vy can follow to my school then, that way he has your company all the way so no one attacks him. Ready to go?” “Yes, let’s go.” “You know I’d rather go with you right?” “Yeah, I’d prefer that too.”

River walks up to him and takes his hand, the two off them walking down where they see Vy waiting for them, looking tired as usual. 

Beginning - Previous - Next

[justjessame]

A Little Ass and A Lotta Sass Chapter 10: Mornings.. Why?  Why?  And WHY am I on the fucking floor again?

I wish I could say that waking up with Negan made me more of a morning person. I would say it, but then I’d be a fucking liar. I’m sure there are questions about why waking up with a certified sex master didn’t improve my lack of appreciation for mornings, and I’m gonna answer it simply.

I didn’t wake up with Negan. I woke up on the fucking floor. A floor, I might add, that I woke up on because he actually tossed me onto it, and proceeded to curl up on the couch, alone and snore right in my fucking direction. Yeah, that’s all rainbows and butterflies, isn’t it. Fucking bed hog. And the snores, my God the snores. And the smug dream face that graced him, all because he had the entire, comfortable couch to himself.

I’d like to say that I centered my anger and took a breath. I’d like to say that I was distracted when he smiled in his sleep, through sounds like a cross between a sputtering motor and a chainsaw, and those fucking dimples appeared. I’d like to say that I stood up dignified, brushed the entire ordeal off, and went and did something productive like starting our breakfast.

I won’t say any of the above. I’m not a fucking liar. I own the fact that I hate mornings like Garfield hates Mondays (yes, I remember comics and cartoons, the apocalypse didn’t remove my memory bank). I own the fact that when confronted with something asinine upon waking so abruptly in the glare of sunshine that offends my very marrow I will torch the culprit for that waking without a moment’s hesitation. And I am fucking proud of the fact that falling in love with Negan didn’t stop me from going for his fucking head when he did it to me, on the first fucking morning of the rest of our relationship.

I slapped him. Hard. Right in the back of his head, which I could reach because he was curled up like a sleeping baby. And let me tell you, not only was it satisfying, but it woke his ass up just as fast as I had been.

“What the literal hell?” He growled, coming to consciousness immediately. I felt pretty fucking smug that Lucille had been moved out of reach by my tossed ass, so he couldn’t grab it. And trust me, the first instinct for Negan was to reach for the damn bat. “Callie, why the fuck did you just hit me?” He was trying to get into seated position, but our couch was fucking comfortable and given half a chance would eat unsuspecting guests. Oops, for him, I suppose. “And why the FUCK can’t I get up from this fucking couch?”

I laughed. Fuck rules, and clearly this was NOT a RULE 1 situation. I reached out my hands, and after a moment’s consideration, he took them. Helping him into a more dignified arrangement, I let him in on my irritation. “You fucking tossed me like a football onto the HARD floor, you asshole.” I tried to glare, but seeing his reaction to his own alarm clock, I was starting to find humor in the world again. “And then you rolled over and fucking snored and grinned in your sleep. You, Negan, are a fucking bed hog.” I sat down on his lap when he leaned back against the couch cushions. “I hate mornings,” I glared at the sun streaming through the windows. “But I REALLY hate meeting the floor so hard and so unexpectedly. IN THE MORNING. That I hate.”

He was mostly over his own unscheduled wake up call. Mostly, although I was fairly certain I’d be paying for it soon. “I don’t snore.” Kissing my cheek, he nuzzled against my neck. “For future reference, when we get home, I can hog the bed as much as I want and you won’t hit the fucking floor. I have a HUGE fucking bed, princess.” His voice was a different kind of growl and I could feel how truly ready he was for that bed. And me. “When can we leave?”

I shook my head at him. Seriously? We JUST woke up and he was go go go. I was still, why do mornings have to be a thing? Like the world is a shit show, why can’t the day start in the afternoon?

I leaned against his chest. “I have to pack and I do have to say goodbye, Negan.” I felt a grin like the Grinch wore before he stole Christmas. “Although, I can make it worthwhile to you, at least for a bit.”

His hands gripped my waist a little harder and my smile grew wider. “What do you have in mind, baby girl?”

I let my lips find the soft skin of his earlobe and whispered one word. “Shower.”

I swear that word had barely passed my lips and I was over his damn shoulder and up the stairs we went. I didn’t feel him pick up the other woman in his life, but when he sat me down outside the bathroom I shared with my brother, I noticed her in his other hand. I didn’t roll my eyes, but it was a close one. Holding a finger to my lips, I had him follow me into my bedroom, which needed a name change what without the fucking bed and all. I grabbed a set of clothes and turned around.

Negan’s face was focused on the blankets on the floor that I’d been forced to use due to his pettiness during the first visit. He was glaring at the blankets like they offended him and I nearly warned him against stealing those too. Nearly, because he shocked the ever loving shit out of me.

“Fuck, I have to tell Dwight that a run for mattresses and beds needs done NOW.” He looked up and noticed me watching him. “Callie, I can be pretty fucking brutal, but this might have been a step too far. Gonna right it, I swear.” My eyes went wide. Negan was going to replace my community's beds. For me. Well, shit.

I stepped over the covers and let him pull me into his arms. “You thought you had to, and I am TRYING to understand your methods and reasons. Trying to, but I’m not completely there.” My cheek had found his heartbeat like it was a magnetic pull. “Let’s go shower, so I can’t at least get rid of my CURRENT bruises, from the fucking living room floor.”

I felt his chuckle through my face. “Is this how you’re going to try to fix anything that pisses me off, Callie?” He asked, his arms wrapped around me and his chin on my head. “Because, I have to admit, it’s pretty fucking effective.”

I giggled and pulled away. “I haven’t even gotten to the good stuff, Negan. Shit, you’re pretty fucking simple to distract.” Winking, I rushed from the room before he could take a swipe at my ass with either his hand, or Lucille.

 The shower. Dear Fucking Hell, the shower. While our water could get warm and pretty luxurious, I am more than certain that the steam in the bathroom had little to do with water temperature. Maybe, just maybe, getting into a relationship with Satan’s offspring had some fucking perks. Perk one: sexual appetite that more than held steady with my own. Perk two: appreciation for my abundance of sentence enhancers (it’s what ladies call the word “fuck” and other words that make the mundanes blush). Perk three: I’ll never freeze to death near this man. Seriously. HOT. And not just his fucking looks.

We dried off, or hell, I don’t know maybe his real daddy just blew the dry heat from hell over us and we were suddenly dry, it’s a blur. And then we dressed. He was whistling and carrying Lucille in one hand while holding my hand with the other. I was just considering whether we could eat first, then pack my shit, when I was saved from making the decision by him pulling me back into my room. Packing it was.

It didn’t take long. The only thing that I took the time to actually add to my wardrobe was a chain that I hadn’t worn since we arrived in Alexandria and had a proper home, with proper places for our stuff. The chain was simple, but what it held was extremely important to me. My mother’s wedding rings. She’d given them to me before Judith’s birth and her death, and she’d told me that if anything happened to her she expected me to keep them and wear them when I found the person I looked at like she once looked at Dad.

I hadn’t noticed him watching me, but when everything was packed (a duffel bag full, I’m such a pack-rat at the world’s end, I tell you), I saw his eyes on the rings resting just above my cleavage. His hand reached out, and I stood still. When his fingers brushed the rings, he raised his head with an eyebrow raised.

“They were Mom’s.” I answered, diverting my attention to the bag. I zipped it up and went to toss it over my shoulder, but he stopped me. Taking it from my hands and putting it over his own.

We went downstairs, but I couldn’t quite figure out what the look was that I saw on his face when he was staring at those rings.

Goodbyes are hard. Especially when the dead walk around and bite people. Luckily, my goodbye was hard simply because I was leaving my family behind for something I hoped was better. You know, instead of biting a bullet before I bit someone.

Carl hugged me and whispered that all I had to do was send him a sign of some sort that I didn’t want this, or that I wanted out later, and he’d find a way to get me home. I shivered internally at the mere thought of my baby brother trying to take on Negan for my honor, or worse that he’d hurt him. Losing either of them would kill me, but losing either of them at the hand of the other would break me into a thousand pieces and in ripping me apart, death would be a blessing.

Michonne was trying desperately not to shoot looks at my still very flat abdomen while we said goodbye. Dear Lord, between her and Negan, I was going to go insane at the mere thought of babies. I hugged her and smiled at the strength I always felt in her arms. Warrior woman, surrogate step-mother, and badass human being. I felt confident she would keep my family safe and loved in my absence.

Judith, of course, didn’t understand. But hugging her baby scented person to me, I felt a tug in my heart that I’d never really felt before. I’d miss her, miss all of the care that I took in taking care of her, and yet, I wondered what it would feel like to start from scratch with my very own baby. Kissing her soft curls, I told her that I’d see her soon.

Saying goodbye, or see you later, to Dad was the hardest. I’d been the first child he held immediately after birth. He once told me that he never thought he could love anything more than he loved my mom, but when he held me he knew he was wrong. Holding him and saying goodbye, I felt him trying so desperately to remind me of that love. Tears burned my eyes, but I didn’t want him or any of them to imagine that I wasn’t happy with my choice so I forced them to stay at bay. This would have been inevitable in the old world. Me leaving home to be with the man I loved, that would have been expected at some point in my adulthood. Here, in this reality, it was a little bit different. The entire experience was shifted, but I wanted him to understand that regardless of how it happened, it did, and I was happy about it.

“This isn’t just for Alexandria, Dad.” I whispered in his neck. I felt him nod, and went on. “I fell in love with him, somehow or someway, and I would have probably ended up here at some point. This way, this way no one suffers because of it. This way it actually helps.” I pulled away and he kissed my forehead. “I love you, Daddy.”

“Love you too, my little girl.” Dad’s rough fingers brushed an errant tear from the corner of my eye. “And as much as I may not LOVE the fact that he’s your choice, I trust you to do what’s right. For you, not for us.”

I grinned, hugging him again. “I am. I promise.”

 Negan, showing himself to be a benevolent former leader (look to be honest, I didn’t really learn what the full extent of Dad and Negan’s deal with my arranged relationship treaty entailed, so sue me), decided to address the community and let them know that I’d be sacrificing myself for their comfort. I nearly burst out laughing at him making it seem like I was being sold off to him for their peace and sanity. Jesus, the man has a God complex that would make God Himself blush. After assuring them I’d have regular visits to prove my safety and well-being (starting to feel like a fucking hostage, dumb ass), we finally (Thank GOD, no more speeches, please) got in the vehicle caravan and started off to my new life.

Negan and I rode in a truck alone. We were flanked front and back by his Savior Secret Service. The SSS, shit one extra letter than the SS. Seriously, I wished that the internet was still accessible, because I had MANY questions that might be answered on Ancestry.com about the man driving me home. Pretty sure that his family tree was twisted and had some pretty fucking dangerous terrors dangling from the limbs. Then again, if you do a genealogical search, is Satan’s DNA even available for testing? And what books could be used to trace that lineage?

I let my mind wander at first, clearly on the man beside me and what was to come. Would I really love being with him so much that I wouldn’t miss my family like a missing limb? Would I regret my decision? Would he?

[saltyslack-toast]

#Knock The Book 2: The Devil All the Time

WELL, I MADE IT TO THE 2nd BOOK REVIEW OF MINE, MEANS THAT I’M A PASSIONATE AND PERSISTENT BITCH, PERIODT. No actually I’m just bored and got really nothing to do, so here I am making judgmental, invalid and uncritical book review just to ease my guilt for doing nothing at home (just so my mom see me working through my laptop).

Okay The Devil All the Time is actually my first English book. The story of how I got this book as a matter of fact is quite irritating and funny at the same time. My uni friend, she saw this book in a modest book bazaar near her hometown. She was reading the title and the word ‘devil’ just remind her of me, she bought it and just gave it straight to me…... I’m sad but like thankful???

It’s a secondhand and hardcover book but I don’t really mind, considering the fact that the quality is still very nice though, except the worn spots stained all over the cover that make the book looks very old. My friend bought this only for RP 25.000, yes dude you’re not misread this shit, it was THAT CHEAP (whoever sell and own this book before me, I really appreciate it). Although if you want to buy the new one, you can get this book for USD 26.95 which converted in rupiah would be RP 407.500, yeah its cost pretty fancy for broke students like us and I don’t know if the book’s supposed to be available in your local bookstore but I think you can find it in worldwide shipping online store like amazon or any other shop perhaps. The book’s cover illustrate a dying white mutt hanging on the ‘log’ and bunch of cross everywhere, the cover is actually make sense when you read the book. It published in 2011 by doubleday in United States of America. The Author is Donald Ray Pollock, and you can find the sum information about his background written on the cover, but based form the book’s cover you can also check his website in donaldraypollock.com but when I checked, I’m not sure if it’s really his website since it just like pest control website (LMAOO I HAD NO IDEA FR). Anyway,

Let’s go breaking down the book!

“… Too much religion could be as bad as too little, maybe even worse, but moderation was just not in her husband’s nature”

The whole story in this book, basically give you portraits regarding the life of lunatics in the time after WWII. Nope, there is no sums up about the events happened in that moment so chill y’all non-historical enthusiast bitches. This book gonna give you a bizarre experience reading it, the first 10 pages of this book was already psychedelic, I assure that shit. Have you watched Games of Thrones series on HBO? It’s chilling right how Ned Stark, the protagonist of the main series died in the first season???? EXACTLY that was the vibes u got after reading the first chapter and get crazier every time u read forward. By the way, this book embodied 7 chapters and 55 sub-chapters, the chapter in odd and even numbers has 2 different main focuses on each characteristic exist, here I sum it up for you:

On the odd numbers chapters (1, 3, and so on), the central story of these chapters is circling among the family of Willard Russel, his Mom Emma and Uncle Earskell and also those 2 insane peeps Roy Laferty and Theodore. Willard Russel used to be a navy army and a bit skeptical dealing with religion issues just like his uncle, but his mom has always been a devoted worshiper. Willard married to the beautiful and kind-hearted women named Charlotte and they was given a son named Arvin Eugene Russel, everything was normal until Charlotte got sick and Willard gone crazy praying to god for his wife’s recovery and poor little Arvin has to suffer the predicament by his own self. Their stories always give me religious-fanaticism-gloomy vibes (is that even make sense??). Don’t even get me started with the life stories of the two brutes-ass man, Roy Laferty and Theodore they were used to be ‘preacher’ in Emma and young Willard’s Church. Nothing I could say further because it’s gonna be a major spoiler for you, but their stories really giving you insights of how frustration and fanaticism allow people to do something beyond their common sense.

“You remember what I told you the other day?” He asked Arvin

“About the boys on the bus?,”

“Well, that’s what I meant, you just got to pick the right time”

On the even numbers chapters (2, 4, and so on), the main tales is pertaining on the journey of Handerson couple, Carl and Sandy. They were like the Bonnie and Clyde but sad and exploitative version in this book. Carl is a ‘photographer’ and sandy working as a waitress in a café called Wooden Spoon (Which the place where Charlotte used to work as a waitress and the place she met Willard for the first time as well). During summertime they got this ‘ritual’ ((but not in a religious way)) where they drive to different states and give a ride to the hitchhikers found on the way, then Carl forcefully offer them to fuck Sandy for free (HIS OWN WIFE) while he took pictures of them fucking and after that Carl kill them and take all the money those hitchhikers got in their pocket (dude I can’t even judge anything). But to be honest, I’m not a fan of these two characters because they were all so ANNOYING to death. And then there is Bodecker Lee who’s a police and also Sandy’s brother, ok that’s it, I’m not gonna give you any spoilers.

“… He went down the street and sat on a bench in a park the rest of the day thinking about killing himself instead. Something broke in him that day. For the first time he could see that his whole life added up to absolutely nothing…”

You might be confused since there are quite a lot of keen characters in this book but there’s a point where all these bitches are relating to each other, so chill y’all impatient gripe-ass. Overall, the flow of the story is undoubtedly interesting for you to keep going throughout the whole story, because every phase gonna make you wondering about next things happened to them. But, the transitions among every chapters is quite uncomfortable for me, because sometimes when the story has reached its climax there is no resolutions coming to solve the problem immediately, and you’re faced to read the new chapter with a whole different setting and characters so it’s kind of ruining the vibes and emotions the book has made me, but again this just my personal preference so please don’t judge (while everything I did right now is judging inaccurately).

“He realized that he would never preach again, but that was all right. He’d never been much good at it anyway. Most people just wanted to hear the cripple play”

However, what I like the most from this book is the deepening of every character exists is so fascinating, even for just the side or supporting character (for god sake I’m sorry idk what to called a character that isn’t the main one), for example a bus driver in Meade, Ohio which Willard talked to when he was on the way home after the war ended, the narration wrapped and portraits the driver’s life perfectly without make us bored, and there’s still a bunch of interesting narration about the life of the side characters in this book that also as odds and intriguing as the main character’s background (jesus, everything happened and everyone in this book is just so strange and peculiar I swear to god). The story finished in a most tragic-beautiful but still gloomy way, even though it’s quite predictable but still a very good closing for me personally. To be noted, on the way to the end of the story, there will be emerge another asshole priest character named Preston Teagardin, ready to shake you up until you finish the book. But still, let’s said this particular ‘last minute character’ has proving that the author is paying so much attention of how the story ended isn’t leaving any 'rush-made' impression (this shit might confused you I’m sorry my English hasn’t got any better *sorry hand sign* *sorry hand sign* *sorry hand sign*). # hashtag attention to the detail bro.

Holy crap, that’s the first time I’m almost able to cut all the bullshit I intend to bring it up here.

This book is one of my top 5 books that you have to read once in a life time (although I haven’t discover the other four, omg im sorry y’all). Little information for you that the first time I read this book (yeah I read it for quite few times) is when the campaign of presidential election era, which in Indonesia the religious are pretty sentimental issues, some of the people in my country suddenly became those annoying fanatical preachers, man I can’t stand it. And this book is just precisely relating to that condition and I get to know at least a glance of what the heck odds things happened in their minds, since you know fanaticism and stupidity doesn’t hit only on particular group of religions, race, gender or anything, we can all be stupid and brainless (especially me because I basically have no brain). There probably quite many scenes that is pretty disturbing to read (I don’t know if people could be triggered by it???? But I guess so) so yeah a bit warning. Overall, I genuinely recommend this book for you guys because every element in this book is almost perfect, the storylines, bold characters, and the RARE AND STRANGE AND SENSITIVE topic promote by the author in this novel is totally a BOOM. Don’t worry reading this book not going to give you those agnostic and atheist vibes HAHA chill I still consider myself a devoted Muslim tho (hashtag masyaallah ukthi).

By the way before I wrapped it up, I hear that this book will be made into a netflix film. WELL, of course I’m excited because the casts are so amazing, and I love Netflix adaptation and I enjoy watch movies as much as I read books (again, unnecessary information of mine *sorry hand sign*). I found that the release date is postponed from the origin plan in 15th May (which is three days ago from I posted this on my page) due to I don’t know perhaps corona because that bitch has ruined everyone in the world’s schedule, but for real I can’t find the exact information regarding to the updated release date, so while you wait the film to launch, why don’t you just go read the book first? I assure you this one not gonna give you any disappointment.

I think that would be it for this 2nd rubbish book review of mine. Although, I think I made a little progressive from the first one (OR MAYBE NOT???? I’M SORRY Y’ALL) but of course there’s still much deficiency I served. Still, I hope my writing get better in the process of making this whole novel of reviewing book inaccurately. To be honest, I wrote this shit not for getting any engagements or audience but for my own satisfied HAHA. So yeah I’m literally comfortable writing for nothing. But bitch guess what I’m just gonna keep going, until I could professionally writing and make it for a living? Well, amen for that.

Xiao, See you in Advance!

[nellie-elizabeth]

The Walking Dead: Bonds (10x06)

Things are happening, but they're happening slowly. That might as well be the slogan of The Walking Dead, if we're being honest about it!

Cons:

The thing about Carol behaving in a concerning manner is that it makes everyone else look like idiots. I could buy in to Daryl being fooled by her whole "recon" mission, if this were the first time Carol had acted a little unwisely. But she tried to shoot Alpha in the face, and she's been hallucinating. So the fact that Daryl is indulging her in such a dangerous activity is actually really annoying and makes him seem like a moron.

The creeping threat of an illness sweeping through Alexandria is a good one, but I thought Siddiq and Dante's little argument was pretty pointless. I wanted more from this, or I wanted it cut completely. Let's focus our Siddiq time on exploring his PTSD. We got some of that too, and it looks like we'll be getting more, but the spat with Dante felt like padding.

Also, I understand there's a big ensemble cast and all that, but does it feel annoying to anyone else that we didn't check in on Lydia this week? Sure, we're saving Michonne and Judith for later. That's fine. But Lydia... she's been through some crap. Is everyone in Alexandria just giving her a break for a while? It would make sense to check up on what she's up to.

Pros:

Negan and Beta together was actually really funny, and morbid, and tense, and great. Negan is known for being a loudmouth, and the "Whisperers" are called that for a reason, so there's an inherent tension in the setup itself. Beta puts Negan through trials to see if he's worthy of joining their group, at Alpha's insistence, but it's clear Beta doesn't want to give Negan a real chance. He leaves him to be killed by a part of the hoard. Negan, improbably, survives, and thus joins the Whisperers. This could actually be really good. Negan's motivations here are unclear. Is he really just looking for a group for protection? Does he still harbor any thoughts of loyalty to the memory of Carl Grimes, or think fondly about young Judith? Seeing someone like Negan kneeling at the feet of Alpha is kind of intense. I can just see Negan and Beta going head-to-head with Alpha as the mom who is forced to mediate. It could be fun to watch.

As I said, the idea of a creeping illness infecting Alexandria is good drama. When Siddiq comes back to the infirmary with an extremely ill Rosita and baby Coco, and suddenly the whole room is filled with sick people, there was a visceral horror element to that. In this world, if you succumb to illness in the dead of night, you might just wake up and kill everyone else in the room. Some of the creepiest moments in all of this show for me have been when one character is sitting with a sick or dying loved one, and as they drift in and out of coherence, you're left wondering at every second whether they are about to awaken as a zombie, or if they're really still holding on to life. There's a lot of potential in this story-line, although of course I don't want to lose Rosita, or any of our other Alexandrian characters!

As I mentioned, Daryl is being an idiot for trusting Carol when she's behaving this way. But that said, I still enjoy watching them spend time together. Daryl passes along Ezekiel's regards, and then Carol immediately asks Daryl if there's anything going on between him and Connie. It's interesting, because I feel like Carol knows that Daryl loves her, but she's actively trying to set up this boundary where they're just good bros who totally talk to each other about their romantic lives. It remains to be seen if this is going anywhere interesting or exciting, but I like the inherent tension of their scenes together, especially since their overall comfort and familiarity shines through. They know each other too well for anything to come between them at this point.

Eugene has never been my favorite character, and I thought his obsession with Rosita was extremely off-putting. But I must say, his scenes in this episode were my favorite parts. First, we see him and Rosita talking on the radio. It looks like when Eugene is finished licking his wounds, they are going to be able to salvage their friendship. I hope Rosita lives long enough for that to happen. Then, Eugene makes contact with a mysterious woman, and the two chat and bond. I'll admit, for the first few minutes I was so excited about this new mysterious stranger! I think I got caught up in Eugene's excitement, as he sensed the potential escape from loneliness. But then I realized - this is Gamma, looking to gather information. My heart breaks for Eugene. He really is the perfect target. He's so smart, but so gullible when it comes to dealing with other people. The actor's performance really sold it for me - he's so hopeful, so excited by the idea of a new friend. I hope things don't break too bad... it's never good when the Whisperers infiltrate.

That's all I've got for this week. I think we're coming up on the mid-season finale pretty quick here, and I'm definitely ready for this show to start thinking about its endgame. If Season Ten is the end, I won't be mad about it. Even after a pretty solid episode like this one.

8/10

[nicolemagolan]

Books I Read In May 2019

I read way more than I anticipated this month! It was greeeaaaaaaaaat 🎶 In between assignments and writing, I was picking up books be it novels or comics or non-fiction, and on my travels I was listening to audiobooks. On the whole, the books I read were pretty good -- some exciting new releases and some older books I was discovering for the first time. Keep reading for my individual reviews!

Star Wars: Revan (The Old Republic) by Drew Karpyshyn

4/5 stars

“There is no sun, no dawn; just the perpetual gloom of night. The only illumination comes from jagged forks of lightning, carving a wicked path through angry clouds. In their savage wake thunder shreds the sky, unleashing a torrent of hard, cold rain. The storm is coming, and there is no escape.”

Revan is a Star Wars character I am aware of, but know next to nothing about. I've never played the Knights of the Old Republic games, and despite how fans praise them, I don't think I ever will. But I still wanted to get a taste of the story, and I sought it out in book form. This book didn't seem to be written as an introduction to him, but I enjoyed it none the less. I am curious as to where this fits into the continuity of the games (is it a retelling of the game's story? Is it a prequel or sequel or somewhere in-between? I have no clue).

Revan is Jedi hailed as the savior of the Republic. He's suffering memory loss, and plagued by dreams of his fragmented past. The book flicks between his POV, going on a journey to recover his memories, and Darth Scurge, a Sith trying to move up in the ranks. I found his POV pretty dull at first -- I wanted to get to know Revan -- but I loved the way the two became interwoven.

Despite Revan not knowing what happened to him, I still got a good sense of his character; although I found the eventual reveal of his past lacking and confusing. It mostly just left me going...huh? And the book ends somewhat open ended. I have no idea on what medium the story continues -- I would love to know what happens next! The one glaring flaw was the way Bastilla was completely sidelined. She is another character I have heard about in the fandom, and I was looking forward to seeing her in action. But she's just Revan's loving wife.

I listened to this on audio and loved the experience. As always, this Star Wars production has great narration, music, and sound effects. Very immersive. It's a shame that the new canon books haven't delved into sith territory like this -- it's extremely interesting. Definitely recommend this to any hardcore fans who want a deeper look into the sith/jedi wars. Plus cool Mandalorian stuff.

SHE: A Journey of Faith, Hope and Love With Women of The Bible by Jen Gibbs

3/5 stars

I have to say I really enjoyed my time reading SHE. Making myself a cup of tea, settling down in a comfy chair, and cracking open the pages became a little afternoon ritual. It was like sitting down with a friend and chatting about Jesus. The book is well researched, well written, and easy to read. It has a good structure; each section breaks down the topic (faith, hope, then love), and goes on to discuss how it is displayed through the women of the Bible, and finally relates it to the author's own walk with God. This grounds a lot of the bigger concepts and makes it relatable to our modern lives. I think in the right hands this could be a very impactful book. Personally, I would have liked it to go deeper into the Word as there were some aspects that felt skimmed over. Though I still recommend it to anyone interested in knowing a bit more about the women of the Bible, and to understand how God sees women.

100 Days of Sunlight by Abbie Emmons

4/5

*clears throat* THIS IS THE MOST ADORABLE BOOK I'VE EVER READ Read my full review on Eating Fiction!

All Our Wrong Todays by Elan Mastai

3/5 stars

All Our Wrong Todays has a strong voice and compelling plot. The time travel element is well-balanced with a contemporary vibe. I loved the time travel element, naturally, which consisted of parallel worlds and paradoxes. But the romantic subplot was unbearable. The main character was a horrible person in general -- something that was addressed in the story and he had a decent arc and development. But his treatment towards the love interest (who was a bit of an idiot, really) and just women in general was awful. So I am giving this a well-rounded 3 stars.

So You Created a Wormhole by Phil Hornshaw and Nick Hurwitch

DNF (Did Not Finish)

I like the concept of this book: it's written as if it is an actual guide to time travelling, and the book has been purposefully brought into the readers hands by a future self. There are a lot of fun elements, but I found this book repetitive and the humor and grating. It was telling me things I already know (e.g. how the time travel in Back to The Future works) and I just got bored.

Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson

3/5 stars

It should be illegal for first books in series to end with cliff hangers. Truly Devious is a murder mystery with an immersive boarding school setting, and distinct characters with decent arcs. The mystery is intriguing and provides plenty of threads to pull at.

But the ENDING. It was abrupt -- the kind of cliffhanger that’s supposed to make you want the next book immediately, I suppose. But all it did was leave me confused. The big “plot twist” it ended on was bizarre and had nothing to do with the MURDER we had spent the whole book trying to solve.

It made the whole thing feel -- almost -- like a waste of time. But...I enjoyed it enough that I am going to pick up the sequel. I want to know who the murderer is, dammit!

The Walking Dead, Issue #190: Storm The Gates by Robert Kirkman, Charlie Adlard (Cover Art), Dave Stewart (Cover Art), Stefano Gaudiano (Artist), Cliff Rathburn (Artist)

4/5 stars

This sloooooow build up of the Commonwealth arc finally feels like it's going to pay off. And I'm here for it! I was on the verge of dropping this series, but I'm glad I stuck with it because this issue was action packed and I actually began to feel like the characters might be in danger. (That plot armor wearing thin, perhaps?) Still some newer characters I couldn't care less about, but I appreciate seeing some returning faces and I remembered that, hey, these used to be some of my favourite characters of all time, and maybe I do want to know what happens to them in this screwed-up world. I inhaled this entire issue in a very short span of time. Loved the cliffhanger, and was left excited to find out what went down in the next issue.

The Walking Dead, Issue #191: The Last Stand by Robert Kirkman, Cliff Rathburn (Illustrator), Charlie Adlard (Illustrator), Stefano Gaudiano (Illustrator), Dave Stewart (Illustrator)

5/5 stars

THE WALKING DEAD IS BACK, BABY! Wow. A Walking Dead issue hasn't made me gasp like this one did in FOREVER. This series is about to be reinvented and I am SO READY FOR IT. STEP UP CARL, STEP UP!!!!!! There were brilliant, impactful moments in this issue that will no doubt become iconic for the series. And some more quiet, touching moments between characters. Can't wait for the next issue. If that ending turns out to be a fake-out I'm gonna be so frustrated! But then...even if it is a fake-out, bravo to Kirkman and co for getting me back on board. I'm on this ship until it sinks!

Time Travel: A Writer’s Guide to the Real Science of Plausible Time Travel by Paul J. Nahin

4/5 stars

This book is a great tool for writers, like myself, who are attempting to write time travel SF. It delves into the history of time travel within the fictional realms, across mediums. And it briefly looks at the real-world context of time travel. 

It explains, clearly and concisely, what you need to craft a good time travel story, and it breaks down the many forms of travelling through time. I’m glad I stumbled upon it at the library! I like to think my future self, having mastered the art of time travel, planted it in my path.

That’s all folks! Hopefully June will be another good reading month. I’ve started a new sci-fi audiobook that I’m loving so far. See you next month!

[alhecksanderlightwood]

a prompt for a fellow writer friend: sure, it was an unspoken truth amongst jericho that markus and connor were a Thing, but it was just a rumour for the rest of the human world, cause they tried to keep it under wraps for politics. what makes them break their cover in public?

Thanks for the prompt ! I got carried away again I shall find a way to stop doing that at one point.

Joshcame in Simon’s office at 5pm sharp, the sky was already darkenedand the light emanating from the small lamp on the desk wasflickering. They really needed to do something about the electricitybut the humans kept pushing back against their requests for somerepairs, saying that the electricity was a problem all throughoutDetroit and androids didn’t need it as much as humans did. Whichwas… Infuriating to say the least.

“Simon,did you hear back from the Mayor about the details for the ceremonytonight ?”

Theandroid looked up from his tablet (why he insisted on carrying thataround when he was basically a computer was still lost on Josh) andmade a dismissive gesture with his hand.

“Hesaid we need to be there at 7, the ceremony won’t start for anotherhour but the press needs to see us mingling with humans.”

“Yeah,wouldn’t want them to start thinking we suddenly want to overthrowthem, right ?”

“Pleasedon’t say that in front of North, she might actually get some ideasand we finally managed to make her settle down a little.”

Asif North would ever settle down, she was still as fiery as ever andwhile she kept a perfectly neutral and polite face talking topoliticians, they all heard what she really thought of them throughtheir internal communication network.

Someoneknocked on the door and they turned to find a Jerry standing on thethreshold

“Guys,North asked for your help finding Markus, he was supposed to be backthirty minutes ago”

Normallyany androids could go to these kind of ceremony, but this night was abig night so the Mayor himself requested the leaders of Jericho to bethere,  which might be a problem if Robot Jesus himself was stillunaccounted for.

Simonsighed while standing up:

“10bucks he’s somewhere kissing Connor”

……………………

Markuswasn’t actually somewhere kissing Connor.

Hewas in his bed, cuddling Connor.

Hisboyfriend got into the habit of coming to him whenever he was dealingwith too much stress. Something that delighted the Rk200 who alwayswanted to be there for the people he cared about. And a few hoursago, Markus opened his door to find a rather panicked Connor on hisdoorstep, led alternating between yellow and red almost too fast tocatch it.

Therewas a case, a guy killing androids and Connor spent his last weektracking him down. Markus knew about it, of course, but apparentlysomething new happened. The darker skinned android opened the doorfor the other to come in and sat on his bed, patting the place nextto him.

“Wegot him”

Connor’svoice had cracked when he said that and Markus knew better than toactually congratulate him now so he just waited patiently for theother to continue, his fingers slowly finding their way to the otherman’s hands, rubbing gently on his knuckles.

“Wegot him but not before so many androids died and I know we couldn’thave been faster but maybe we still should and” Connor took a shakybreath and Markus wanted nothing more than to hug him and never lethim go. He settled on moving his hand to run through disheveled curlyhair.

“Oneo-, one of the bodies there, it was a kid model” Connor finallylooks over at the deviant leader, clearing his throat “It lookedjust like Alice”.

Connoris crying now and Markus can’t hold back anymore, he opens his armsand let Connor curls into him. The second he’s in his arms he hugshim close and whispers reassurances.

Heknows the detective is blaming himself, not only for those androidshe couldn’t save but also for all the ones he hunted before hedeviated, he interfaced with him enough to know how the other androidworked. He also knows convincing him to let go of that guilt willtake a long time so he settle on being there, comforting him andtracing shapeless figures on Connor’s back with his fingers. Simplylistening to the other’s breathing slowing down from erraticbreaths to sleepy ones.

Connoris sleeping peacefully on Markus’ chest now, arms tucked close tohis chest and Markus arms wrapped around him protectively.  

Thedeviant leader tries to enjoy this for as long as he can, blinkingaway the notifications telling him about his friends searching forhim. He’d rather focus on the bundle of warmth in his arms. Connorlooks so peaceful like this and it makes Markus heart squeeze almostpainfully.

TheRk800 shifts a little, starting to wake up and nuzzling closer toMarkus, as if trying to burrow himself in him.

Whenhe opens his eyes, there’s no trace of distress anymore, only pureadoration and Markus doesn’t feel worthy of such a look but damn ifhe’s not going to try everyday for the rest of his life to actuallybe.

Theadoration quickly turns to something way less innocent as Markusfeels a hand moving along his thigh and Connor’s smile turnscheeky. And to think that Simon is so adamant that Connor looks justlike a puppy.

Theywaste no time kissing each other, nipping at the other’s lips untilConnor trails kisses along Markus jaw-And then the door opens.

Joshis behind it and he’s closing his eyes, a hand thrown over them forgood measure (and to add more drama, if he was being totally honest)

“IKNEW YOU WOULD BE KISSING GODDAMNIT MARKUS WE HAVE TO GET READY,LEAVE YOUR BOYFRIEND ALONE”

Hisscreams alert North and Simon and soon enough, two new heads arepeeking from behind Josh now.

Godsometimes Markus hated his friends. He felt more than heard Connorchuckles. His mouth was still so close to his neck and god, he wantedto hear that sound again but if he could hear him scream in pleasurebefore that it would be perfect.

Althoughhe didn’t get time to think more about it because North wasforcefully dragging him out of bed and towards his dressing whileConnor was just smiling, sitting cross-legged in his bed. It wasn’teven any kind of smile, it was the small secretive one, Markus lovedthat one.

Thedetective tilted his head to the side, trying to keep up with Northfire like movements as she tried to get Markus out of his clothes andinto more fitting ones and Markus wanted nothing more than to turnaround and go back to bed because Holy shit, he actually did looklike a puppy.

Butno sooner had he thought that that Connor was out of bed and talkingwith Josh and Simon, probably apologizing for jeopardizing thedeviant leader.

Markusfocused on North for the next few minutes and when he looked up,Connor was gone.

“Calmdown lover boy, you’ll see him tonight so just focus on North,she’s actually being useful right now.”

Markussmiled and did just that.

…..

Theparty was boring, everyone was drunk in a few hours and the androidswere left trying to navigate a sea of intoxicated humans. A bad idea,really. While some were embarrassing, otherwere just plain offensive or seemed to had forgotten all concepts ofpersonal space.

Likethis woman, trying to grope his boyfriend in front of him.

Granted,the only humans knowing Connor was his boyfriend were Hank and Carland maybe some people from the police station. But still.

Markuswaited for a lull in the conversation (which was just an excuse toactually grope his fucking boyfriend) so he could squeeze himselfbetween Connor and the lady, whisking him away.

Theysoon found themselves watching everybody from a dark corner of theroom, laughing like the teenagers they never had the chance to be.Their network connection to the other androids meant that they gotinto their new favourite game “What are these old fucks reallysaying”, basically they chose some humans and created the worstkind of discussion they could be having.

Afterone particularly good and funny rendering of what conversation thetwo old men who alternated between trying to fight each other andthen seemingly being best friends all over again might be having,Connor turned his head and looked at Markus.

Hewas laughing, his hands were covering his mouth and he was hunchedover, trying to stiffle his laughs while keeping his balance and Ra9,this man was so pretty.

Beforehe could even think about it Connor had taken Markus hands away fromhis face so he could kiss him, an innocent peck, in a dark corner ofthe room, nothing to worry about, really.

Exceptit was the exact moment the electrician apparently chose to actuallyfix the power in the human’s part of the city. And the already litroom apparently had a few more lights that weren’t turned onbecause of the electricity problem. Of course one of them would bejust on top of them, which means that when the power came back on,they were in plain view. And of course, everyone turned to look atthe lights turning on.

Great.

BeforeConnor could panic, not liking to be the centre of attentionMarkusalready had their fingers interlaced and they interfaced withoutthinking.

Itwasn’t like either one of them was ashamed of the other or afraidof everyone knowing they were together, it just never came up. Butit sure did now.

Thesilence stretched on for a few more seconds, beginning to feel reallyuncomfortable when Josh planted himself between them and the sea ofhumans gaping at them.

“So,now that the humans apparently have their power back on at fulllevel, can we talk about fixing the electricity in the android’sneighbourhoods ?”Please guys send me more prompts, I’m craving them, my babies are crying asking me to feed them prompts, if I don’t they might actually start trying to eat me and I always skipped PE so I’m in no shope to actually defend myself from babies, please, I beg of you kind sirs, I will be forever in debt of you

[ddixons-angel]

Fated: Season 1

Summary: Gloria Rhee narrowly escapes Atlanta with her brother as the outbreak reaches the city. Luckily, they find a camp outside the city and together, they fend through encounters with the living and undead.

Starts a little before Season 1 and then follows the main storyline of the show.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Glenn Sister!OC

Warnings: major TWD spoilers, language, violence (the typical TWD stuff), implied smut/sex

Word Count:

A/N: Okay so I’m kinda nervous about this chapter! This is the last chapter of Season 1, and I think I’m just going to keep posting without a break so Season 2 will be starting to roll out next week Monday! I also have another fic idea I’m working on so I might be posting two things at once? Or would that get messy? Let me know what you think! 

Chapter 8:

The giant metal doors to the CDC started to open for the group to enter. Rick looks around to his family and the others with a grin before turning around and leading everyone inside. The group follows Rick hesitantly and wary of their surroundings, the kids looking around in curiosity and awe as if they’re on a field trip. 

“Who are you people?” a man in a white lab coat asks them, looking at them warily. 

“Survivors.” Rick answers simply.

“What do you want?” the man questions again, looking at everyone filing into the large room.

“A chance.” Rick replies, eyeing the man. 

“That’s asking an awful lot these days.” he spots Carl and Sophia then his features soften, “you’ll each need to do a blood test, that’s your price of admission.”

Rick nods, “we can do that.” 

The man allows the group to enter, introducing himself as Dr. Jenner, the only person in the entire C.D.C. facility. He explains that everyone else either left for home or committed suicide, ‘opted out’ as he put it. He answers the questions the group has for him and looks over to Carl when he voices that he’s starving.

“You know what little man, you’re all free to help yourselves to the food storage just down the hallway.” Dr. Jenner smiles at him as the boy gleems happily. 

The others take Dr. Jenner’s offer gratefully, feasting and drinking to their hearts’ content. Everyone but Gloria is happily eating and conversing amongst themselves, although she does pay attention to the conversations and Daryl trying to get Glenn drunk. 

“You better not throw up on me.” Gloria says as she pushes him away from her, Glenn always gets clingy when he drinks.

“My baby sister!” Glenn grins as he wraps his arms around Gloria, slurring his words and giggles to himself.

She rolls her eyes and playfully glares at Daryl, “see what you caused?”

Daryl laughs and takes another swig of the large whiskey bottle in his hand. The others laugh, amused at Glenn’s drunken state and Gloria’s failed attempts to get him off of her. As quickly as it started, the mood is killed when Shane continuously questions Dr. Jenner about whether there even is a cure. 

“Ugh, you are such a buzzkill.” Glenn groans, now fully leaning on Gloria for support. 

“Alright, time for bed, let’s go.” Gloria says as she gets up with Glenn’s arm around her shoulders, supporting him as he isn’t able to even stand up properly. 

The rest of the group retreats to wash up and get ready for the night as well. Gloria escorts Glenn to the washrooms where Glenn ends up vomiting in one of the toilets. She pats his back, letting him relieve himself of the alcohol in his system. Once he signals to her that he’s better, Gloria wipes his face with a wet towel, making sure there is no residue on him. She carries him back to the room he had claimed earlier and tucks him into bed where he quickly falls asleep. 

“You are so gonna regret this tomorrow.” Gloria chuckles as she takes one last look at her brother, then she leaves to wash up herself.

After Gloria is freshly cleaned up, she retreats to her own claimed room and sits down on the bed, letting out a deep sigh. Being alone, she lets her mind wander back to the past few days, particularly what happened back on the rooftop with Merle. The guilt had been consuming her the more she thought about it. She shouldn’t have ever given him the hacksaw, what was she thinking? It would have never cut through those chains, and knowing how crazy a guy Merle is, she should have seen something like that coming. Now he was missing because of her, Daryl was missing his brother because of her. The sound of the door opening snaps Gloria out of her thoughts as she looks over to the door and sees Daryl peering in, a bottle of alcohol in hand; she wasn’t even sure whether it was the same one from dinner.

“Haven’t you drunk enough for one night?” Gloria teases him, a half smile on her face. 

Daryl walks into the room, “there might not be many nights left for us anyway, so why the hell not?” he says as he takes a swig from the bottle. 

Gloria nods at that, then looks down to the ground, her thoughts still trying to eat at her. There’s a moment of silence between the two before Daryl clears his throat, purposely loud, snapping her again from her thoughts.

“Wha’s up wit’ ya?” Daryl asks, now leaning against the wall, facing her, “ya din’t eat much, pickin’ at yer food like some kind o’ teenager.” 

She scoffs at his words, “nothing, we got shelter now, wouldn’t exactly call this place home, but it’s four walls and a roof. We’re safe for the night, there shouldn’t be anything wrong.” 

“Bu’ there is.” Daryl finishes for her. 

Gloria looks up at him as he stares back at her, she lets out a deep and heavy sigh, “it’s Merle.” she admits.

Daryl furrows his eyebrows in confusion, not expecting that answer, “wha’ ‘bout him?”

“I feel bad... for what happened to him.” Gloria says, her voice small. 

“Ya crazy, girl... ya know you’re the only one who shouldn’ feel bad for wha’ happened? You’re the one who stayed behind wit’ him.” Daryl tried to reason with her, he doesn’t understand why she would feel bad about the situation. 

“I should have done more,” Gloria sighs, trying to keep her composure but failing as tears start to fall, “I should have known he would have done something stupid like cutting off his own hand. I gave him the damn saw! That’s on me!” 

Daryl watches helplessly as Gloria sobs, wallowing in her own guilt. He’s never been good at comforting people, never knowing what to say or do.

“Merle... he’s...” Daryl tries to think of something, “he’s insane, ya can never predict what he’s gonna do, ya can’t blame yourself for that.”

“I told him to cut the chains...” she says in a whisper, sniffling. 

Daryl shuffles on his feet uncomfortably before making up his mind and sits beside Gloria on the bed, he hesitates to put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to lean on him, “stop blamin’ yerself.” 

Gloria shakes her head, “I can’t..”

Daryl pulls away from Gloria at her words and turns her to face him, he looks into her eyes, “I don’ blame ya.” he says, sincerity pure in his voice, “I’m Merle’s blood, his family, and I don’ blame ya. So tell me, what right do ya have to blame yerself?” 

She tries to compose herself again, taking deep breaths and nods at Daryl’s words, she sniffles a bit more as she wipes her tears away, “sorry you had to see my like this.” she looks away in embarrassment. 

Daryl grunts and looks away from her, wanting her to feel comfortable as she wipes away the last remaining tears from her face. He looks down at the bottle he had placed on the floor then picks it up again, taking another swig from it then offering it to Gloria. 

“This should help wit’ all that guilt and shitty feelin’s.” Daryl half smiles at her. 

Gloria looks at Daryl then glances at the bottle, and after a moment of contemplation, she grabs the bottle from him and takes a few big gulps. Daryl chuckles as he watches her, she hisses at the burning sensation down her throat. 

“Hope yer tolerance is better than yer brother.” Daryl teases, taking the bottle from her and having another swig himself.

“I’m the drinker in my family, ya don’ need to worry ‘bout that.” Gloria giggles as she mocks his accent. 

Daryl rolls his eyes at her making fun of his speech. The two of them take turns drinking from the bottle, eventually getting tipsy together. Gloria starts to lean on Daryl, giggling more as the alcohol takes over her. 

“Ya wanna know something?” Gloria grins at him, her face close to Daryl’s.

He eyes her carefully, “wha’?”

“You. Are an extremely attractive man, Daryl Dixon.” Gloria says, her eyes never leaving his. 

Daryl purses his lips together, then lightly pushes Gloria off him, getting up from the bed but wobbles slightly from the head rush, “ya should sleep, you’re drunk.”

Gloria grabs hold of his hand and tries to pull him back towards her, “Daryl...” she calls, “I want you.” 

He scoffs at her, feeling his face flush as her words but tells himself it’s just the alcohol getting to him, to both of them, “Nah, ya don’.”

“Don’t tell me what I want Daryl! I may not know what I want tomorrow, but tonight... I want you!” she looks up at him, “I’ve wanted you for a while now.” she hiccups and shoots him a flirty smile. 

“Ya ain’ gonna regret it?” Daryl looks at her, biting his bottom lip.

“What’s there to regret? It’s the end of the world, like you said, there might not be many nights left. What could one night hurt for us?” Gloria uses his own words against him.

He stares at her, his eyes wandering from her eyes to her lips, down to her body. Gloria patiently waits for him to make his next move, her eyes beckoning him to come closer. Daryl looks away then lets out a breath.

“Fuck it.” he breathes, then moves towards Gloria on the bed.

He leans down and catches her lips with his, kissing her roughly, earning a soft moan from her as she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her as she lies down. Daryl’s hands move down to her waist, caressing her skin underneath her tight black tank top. His tongue licks her bottom lip, asking for entrance which Gloria gladly grants. Their kiss deepens, Gloria is pleasantly surprised at how soft and gentle his kisses could be. 

Reluctantly, Daryl pulls away, both of them breathless and panting for air, “ya sure ya wan’ this?”

Gloria smiles up at him, leaning up to peck his lips before answer breathlessly, “yes.” 

He smiles down back at her then claims her lips with his again, this time at a more gentle pace. Daryl bites and nips at her lips, then moving down to her neck, leaving marks on her porcelain perfect skin. 

The night goes on with endless kisses, skin on skin, full of passion and lust for one another. When the two would wake up in the morning in each other’s arms, they’d blame the alcohol for their choices, but they were both okay with that. Gloria rolls around on the bed and smiles lazily at Daryl who’s already smiling softly at her, playing with her hair, his arm on her waist.

“Morning.” she whispers.

“Mornin’.” Daryl says back, then he sits up, ruffling his hair with his hand. 

Gloria stretches as she’s still lying down, she looks over at Daryl who was getting off the bed, putting on his pants but his bare back was facing her, giving her a full view of the scars that littered his skin. Something in her heart broke when she saw those scars, but she knew better than to ask about something so personal even if they did just have sex the night before. Daryl picks up his shirt along with Gloria’s clothes and throws them at her. 

“Thanks.” she says from underneath her clothes.

Daryl chuckles at her and puts on his shirt as Gloria starts to get dressed as well. 

“Hey, Daryl?” she looks up at him once she’s fully dressed, “I was hoping... you could keep last night just between you and me.”

Her request causes Daryl to frown, “why?” he says in a rather harsh tone, sounding angry.

“I...” Gloria stutters, taken aback by his sudden harsh tone, “nobody needs to know.”

“You’re just embarrassed that ya spent the night with me, ain’t ya? An’ now that ya sobered up, ya regret it, that it?!” Daryl snaps angrily as he paces around the room. 

Gloria frowns, “No, Daryl, it’s nothing like that.”

“Bullshit! Tha’s exactly what it is!” he exclaims, getting more worked up as he talks, “ya, the high and mighty doctor of our group, not wantin’ to get caught up wit’ some good for nothin’ redneck!” 

Gloria gets up from the bed and puts her hands on Daryl’s shoulder to try and hold him in place to look at her, “Daryl, stop! Will you just shut up and listen to me?” 

Still breathing heavily from anger, Daryl glares at her, but waits for her to speak.

“All you had was Merle, right? No sisters?” Gloria asks when she sees that he’s actually willing to listen.

“Wha’s that got to do with anythin'? ” Daryl retorts back.

“It has everything to do with it. You grew up with your brother and you guys might have shared stories about who you slept with because you have that brotherly bond, but it’s not like that when you have a sibling who’s another gender. It gets awkward.” Gloria explains, “I don’t want to know about Glenn’s sex life and I know he doesn’t want to know about mine, so to spare each other the awkwardness, that’s why I asked you to keep it only between us.” 

Daryl's breathing calmed down as he registers her words, “sorry...” he says after a moment.

Gloria lets out a small sigh of relief that Daryl finally believes her, she smiles at him, “it’s okay, and by the way,” she leans close to him and whispers into his ear, “you were amazing last night.” 

Blushing hard at what she just told him, Daryl scoffs, trying to play off his embarrassment and wraps his arm around Gloria’s shoulders, “ya still drunk, let’s get some food in ya.” 

Gloria laughs as Daryl ushers her out of the room and towards the dining table. Glenn was already sitting there but his head was laying on the table, groaning from the pounding headache of his hangover. 

“See what you did to him?” Gloria says, playfully eyeing Daryl and he laughs, going off to the kitchen to get some food, she sits beside Glenn and wraps her arm around his shoulders, “you okay, bro?”

Glenn groans in response which causes Gloria to chuckle in amusement. She gets up and heads to the kitchen to get him some breakfast. T-Dog had cooked eggs for everyone so Gloria helped herself to a plate, bringing it to Glenn and also put a bottle of water in front of him. 

“Here, eat. It’ll help you feel better.” Gloria nudges him gently, making him sit up. 

He looks at her groggily and groans as he starts to eat the eggs, “Ugh, I’m never drinking ever again.” 

Gloria pats his back gently in hopes to somehow comfort his throbbing head. When the others have all woken up and had their breakfast, they follow Dr. Jenner into the lab where he shows them the demonstration of their last test subject, TS-19, who he reveals to the group was his late wife. She was the reason he was staying in the building and is the last person left, he had made a promise to her to keep going as far as he could. Unfortunately, he breaks the news to the group that there is no cure for the outbreak. He also tells the group that they don’t have much time left as the place will face total decontamination once the power runs out. 

“Total decontamination? What does that even mean?” Carol asks, her voice filled with worry.

“The place is gonna blow... disintegrating everything... nothing left... total and complete decontamination.” Gloria sighs, remembering that this was talked about in one of her classes in university. 

Gloria’s explanation causes the others to start panicking, even more so when Dr. Jenner refuses to open the doors, saying he isn’t able to, locking everyone inside. Shane and Rick start to yell at Dr. Jenner to open the doors and let them out as Daryl starts to try and break open the doors with an axe. Thinking as practical as she can, Gloria decides to go back into the food and water storage of the building, grabbing as many bottles and dry food items as she can and stuffs them into her bag, she returns to the room where Daryl is still trying to break open the door, now joined by Shane. 

“Those doors are designed to withstand a rocket launcher.” Dr. Jenner says in their futile attempt to break open the doors.

“Yeah,” Daryl says as he goes over to the doctor, axe still in hand, “well yer head ain’t!”

He attempts to swing the axe towards Dr. Jenner only to have Rick, Shane and T-Dog stop him, T-Dog grabbing the axe from him. Gloria goes over to Daryl and puts her hand on his arm to try and calm him. He looks at her and huffs, shrugging her hand off his arm and runs back to the door to continue to try and break it open. 

“Dr. Jenner, please, open the door. It’s not fair for you to keep us locked up in here without giving us a choice!” Gloria shouts at him, pleading for the group.

“What’s the point? Wouldn’t you rather die here, painlessly, not feel a thing rather than getting ripped to shreds out there?” Dr. Jenner tries to reason.

“That may be your choice, but that’s not ours! You don’t have the right to make that choice for us, for all of us! You may prefer to go that way, but I don’t!” Gloria shouts, getting more frustrated as Dr. Jenner doesn’t budge.

She lets out a frustrated yell and goes to Shane, grabbing the axe from him and joins Daryl in trying to destroy the door. Both of them continue to try and hack at the door until gunfire is heard as Shane erupts, firing shots into the computers and more of the equipment in the lab. Finally complying, Dr. Jenner presses a button to open the doors; whether it was the group’s pleas or Shane’s gunfire that made him do it, they’ll never know but at least now they have a chance to escape.

“C’mon, let’s go!” Daryl yells as the doors open. 

Gloria and Daryl quickly usher the group out of the building, fearing that they won’t make it out in time. The group is stopped by the bulletproof windows surrounding the outside of the building. Glenn, Daryl, Gloria, and T-Dog start throwing anything they can get their hands on to break the windows. 

“Look out!” Rick shouts as he approaches the window and lets go of a hand grenade, “everybody down!”

The group looks for anything to take cover as the grenade explodes, shattering the glass and giving them their path to freedom. They all run quickly, jumping out of the building and dashing to their respective cars. Daryl pushes Gloria towards his truck, ushering her to get in and closes the door behind her as he gets in from the other side. They both duck down, waiting for the unmistakable explosion of the C.D.C. Gloria peeks her head out of the window to see the wreckage of the blast, fire, smoke and debris painting the scene. Daryl sits up and starts the truck, seeing the others doing the same. He drives off, following the others to a safer place, a place away from the destroyed C.D.C to regroup and figure out what to do from there.

---

Next Chapter

Yep! So that happened! I feel like I have to have an explanation for this because this might be really out of character for Daryl for some people. I see Daryl as an emotional drinker, meaning that he acts differently depending on his mood and the people he is with. We saw that with him drinking at the C.D.C., he was happy and excited, but when he was drinking with Beth, he was miserable because of the events that happened prior. So here, I used the alcohol to bring out his caring side as well since he really does care about Gloria and (I reveal this in later chapters) he has a really heavy attraction for her as well. Hope that helps everyone accept what happened in this chapter haha~ and with that, I am done rambling! 

I would really appreciate any comments left for me! I’ll be replying to any comments in a new post because this is a sideblog!

[twdeadfanfic]

Life at the end of the world Pt.13

Summary: Your life as a zombie apocalypse survivor. It starts with the Reader settling into the camp at the quarry, before s1 and then follows the show events and storyline, more or less, but with the Reader in it.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Warnings: Slow burn, violence, language.

Author’s note:  I’ve been itching to write a fic like this for a long while and I write it for fun, I don’t claim to be a writer so if you find you dislike this fic, please be kind and just stop reading. English’s not my first language so maybe there’re some mistakes, I apologize in advance. For the same reason, I can’t write character’s accents and things like that. At any rate, I hope you enjoy it. There’d be several parts to this.

Next morning, preparations to look for the infirmary and the cafeteria began.

“You sure you want to come?” Rick asked while he rummaged through all the weapons and stuff you had found for now, pulling out everything he deemed useful.

You nodded, but couldn’t deny you were nervous, probably you would be facing more walkers hand in hand than with your gun and you still didn’t feel confident enough. But still, you wanted to help, the more you were the easier the task would be. And going with the others made you feel safer, they’d have your back. Daryl, Maggie, Glenn, T-Dog and even Hershel were going too, while Carol would stay with Lori, Beth, and Carl.

Rick gave you one of the police batons, which you hoped would help you to keep walkers far enough from you, and you nodded thankfully. There were also some vests from the riot gear that suited T-Dog, Maggie, Hershel, and Glenn.

It was the best prepared you had ever been.

Rick and Daryl were ahead, the rest of you following them, ready for any threat that you might find on your way. The corridors were absolutely creepy, lit only by the light of your lanterns, it gave you goose bumps and there were half eaten corpses scattered around that turned your stomach. Luckily, for now there didn’t seem to be any walkers close.

The place was a true maze of corridors, all looking the same, making it easy to lose your way back, but Glenn had the good idea of marking the way you were following, painting arrows on the walls with spray paint.

The group kept moving deeper into the prison, holding your breath although it still seemed to be quite clear... That was until you took a turn and bumped right into a herd of walkers that made his way purposely towards you.

You all retreated quickly but more groups of walkers seemed to appear out of nowhere, cutting you off.

You couldn’t help your scream when you almost bumped into one but you hit him hard with your baton, making him stumble away and Maggie quickly drove her knife into its skull. A new outburst of monsters separated you both and Glenn from the others as you waited for them to walk away, hiding in a closet.

“Which way do you think they went?” Glenn whispered quietly once you were able to get out.

As in cue, a heart-wrenching scream cut through the air and you rushed towards it, your eyes opening in horror when you saw the bite that had torn off some of the flesh of Hershel’s leg, and you heard Maggie’s distressed scream as she took in his father’s state.

More walkers were making their way towards you but Rick and Glenn acted quick, carrying Hershel while Daryl stood in the rear in case walkers got too close as you all retreated until you found some sense of safety inside a room where you could close the door, Daryl and T-Dog struggling to keep it shut.

“Hold him down.”

You had frozen in shock and terror for a moment but Rick’s voice got through you and you snapped back to your senses. They had laid Hershel on the floor and Daryl left T-Dog dealing with the door to help Maggie and Glenn holding Hershel down.

You rushed to take Daryl’s place on the door, helping T-dog, and between him and you, you managed to close it with a metal bar.

“Oh my god...”

You turned around in time to see Rick hack off Hershel’s leg, delivering bow after bow until he managed to do so, and you felt you might just throw up.

“We should leave now...”

A voice came from inside the kitchen of the cafeteria and you couldn’t believe your eyes when you saw four alive men hiding in it, Daryl quickly training his crossbow on them in case they were hostile and making them get out off the kitchen slowly, T-Dog and you aiming your guns at them too as you saw they were armed.

You hadn’t any time to lose though, no matter your shocking encounter, you needed to get Hershel out of there and into your cellblock as soon as possible, the tourniquet Rick had made not doing much to stop him from bleeding out. Glenn and Maggie laid him on a kitchen trolley and T-Dog opened the door, you and him making quick work of the couple of walkers than got through it before Rick, Glenn and Maggie rushed out towards the corridor, pushing the trolley, T-Dog behind them.

“Daryl!”

You called for him and he backtracked, making his way to the door without stopping pointing his crossbow at the four men, before turning around and placing a hand on your shoulder as he rushed you behind the others.

You made your way back to your cellblock, trying to go fast but quietly as not to attract any walker, pushing at any of them you found on your way. Soon you realized the men were following you too and as soon as you reached your cellblock Daryl locked the door that led to your cells.

“What are you doing?” He grumbled when he saw you’d stayed back on the hall with T-Dog and him, waiting for the strangers.

He grabbed your arm like he was about to drag you into the other room with the others but you shook him off.

“It’s not like I can do anything for Hershel and he has the others. Carol, Maggie, and Beth know more about medicine, they can help him...” You reasoned. “I’m of more help here, in case those men are not friendly...”

“Not friendly? They’re convicts, they’re dangerous, you...”

Daryl was glaring at you but before he could say anything else the men walked through the door and he turned around, pushing you behind him and aiming his crossbow at them, T-Dog and you doing the same with your guns.

One of them seemed, in fact, not friendly as he pointed his gun at you but the others made him stop, knowing they were outgunned. Their heated argument with Daryl brought  Rick back into the hall to try to calm down the situation.

It seemed those men had been isolated in the cafeteria of the prison for a long while, not knowing anything about the apocalypse that had gone on outside be, they still thought the government and everything else was standing and seemed shocked at Rick’s revelations.

It was hard to believe so you walked them outside so they could see it for themselves. Soon a fight broke out between Rick and the dangerously looking convict since they seemed to want your cellblock and you obviously weren’t going to give it to them, but he was forced to calm down when he saw Daryl’s crossbow and T-Dog’s and your guns aimed at him again.

You’d been anxious and tense during the whole exchange, afraid a real fight might just break off between the convicts and you, wondering if you might need to shoot someone, but for your relief Rick seemed to reach an agreement with them.

You’d help them clear a cellblock for themselves and in exchange, you’d take half the food of the cafeteria, and also they would never get close to your cell block, Rick threatening to kill them on sight.

      _____________________________________________________

Later that day, onnce you had secured your new food supplies in a couple of cells, Rick, T-Dog and Daryl began to get ready to help the convicts clear a cellblock. You had offered your help so they’d have another gun with them and weren’t outnumbered, even though you were feeling a bit insecure, not sure you were going to be helpful.

Rick’d wanted you to stay in the cellblock, though, he wanted you to be there for Maggie and Beth, along with Glenn, in case the worst happened and Hershel turned. Carol was busy taking care of Hershel so Rick also wanted you to keep an eye on Lori, especially worried about his wife now that Hershel was incapacitated.

You were all in Hershel’s cell, anxiously waiting for him to wake up, alive or dead, when Carl showed up proudly announcing he had found the infirmary by himself. It was something you needed, sure, but it was dangerous and reckless of him and you chastised yourself, you should have kept an eye on the kid while his parents were busy, he could have ended up worse than Hershel.

There wasn’t much time for scolding, though, the supplies he had brought allowing you to take better care of Hershel, Carol, and Maggie making quick work of it as they worked on his stump.

“Ey, I need your help with something...” Carol said to you and Glenn once she was done bandaging Hershel’s stump.

As she explained to you how she wanted to use a walker to practice doing a c-cut, you could see Glenn was a disgusted as you about the idea. She explained it was probable that Lori’d need a c-cut and how she didn’t have experience on it, just the theory Hershel had explained her.

She sunk her metal bar into the head of one of the walkers and between her and you, you carried it back inside while Glenn distracted the other geeks away from you, loudly rattling the fence.

“It’s not only that I can cut the baby if I’m not careful...” She explained as she began cutting through the dead women’s belly and you looked away, Glenn having gone back to the cellblock to check on Maggie. “I can just kill Lori...there was a chance of her dying for this even if Hershel did it...”

She sounded so uncertain, so worried, that you felt fear clutch your heart. You’d worried about Lori’s baby, about her delivering it in the middle of nowhere, but you’d never thought she could die, hadn’t known she might need a c-section.

Please, let Lori had her baby safely. Place let Hershel wake up alive. You prayed, not knowing to who, you just prayed.

“It’s okay, Carol.” You weakly tried to comfort her, squeezing her shoulder and trying not to throw up at the sight of what she was doing. “I know you can do it.”

She gave you a tight, sad smile, but said nothing, focusing on practice.

***

Back inside, you finally had good news as not only Rick, Daryl and T-Dog had come back unarmed but also Hershel had awoken, seemingly alright, and you rushed to greet him with happy tears in your eyes.

Carl proudly explained how Hershel had stopped breathing but her mother had brought him back, seeming not angry at her mother anymore, but she and Rick were nowhere to be seen, you hoped they were together, finally talking and sorting things out.

“Ey, everything okay?” You asked quietly to Daryl after leaving Hershel’s cell, letting Maggie, Beth and Glenn had a moment of intimacy with him.. “Any problems?”

“Those convicts didn’t know shit about killing geeks.” He shrugged, not looking at you. “One got bit. One of his own killed him and then tried to do the same to Rick but he killed him first.”

“Shit...”

“Another one tried to attack us too but Rick locked him out in a yard full of walkers, they must have eaten him by now...”

He had it coming, sure, but you shuddered at the idea anyway. It seemed a lot of things had happened while you had been outside with Carol.

“The other two didn’t seem to want any trouble so we left them in a cleared cellblock.”

You stood silent, trying to digest what Daryl had said. You had known those convicts were probably not good, but you had never thought you’d be fighting against other alive people, even forced to kill them...in this world full of monsters, you’d thought you’d help each other against them...but of course, people had always been dangerous.

The idea made your mood fall and you looked down, saddened.

“We’re safe here,” Daryl told you, seeming to mistake your sadness with worry.

“I know...” You assured him in a whisper. “I just...I never thought we’d be killing people...”

Daryl said nothing, just chewed on his thumb and you both stood silent for a moment.

Killing people...you knew it had to be done, knew those two convicts were a dangerous a threat, they had tried to kill your own, but still, you weren’t sure you’d be able to bring yourself to kill them. You didn’t envy Rick’s position.

A moment later Lori and Rick came back into the cellblock and you made your way towards your leader.

“Hey, Rick...” You greeted awkwardly. “You know we’re grateful for everything you do for us, right?”

“Yeah...” He gave you half a smile, seeming amused. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing, just...” You shrugged, not sure how to put into words how much you appreciate what he and the rest of your family did for you and for each other. “Thanks.”

Rick gave you a nod, still smiling, and squeezed your shoulder.

“You sorted things out?” You nodded towards Lori, hoping Rick didn’t think you were being nosy, you genuinely cared.

“I don’t know...” Rick frowned, letting out a sigh. “But we are on the way, maybe...”

“Good, that’s good.”

You squeezed his shoulder in return and you both made your way towards the hall as Carol called you for dinner.

 ***

A couple of days had passed since you took the prison and things were looking bright.

Having found the cafeteria, infirmary and also the armory, now you had medicines and supplies, ammo and more weapons, not to mention a good assortment of food.

All in all, it was the best your family had ever been and you all were counting your blessings.

There were still walkers in some cellblocks but not in the areas nearer to yours, and you were clearing them little by little, several fences separating you from them. The two convicts had come to beg Rick to allow them into your cellblock, his being littered with the dead bodies of his friends and acquaintances and they were unable to take them and burn them since his side of the yard was still full of walkers. You understood Rick’s negative, after what had happened with the other convicts but still, you couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for the two men.

You had talked with Carol and Daryl about it, but they didn’t share your opinion, thinking it was too much of a risk that could cost you everything you had so hardly fought for.

“We can’t just throw people away because they’re not our own...”

You all had been strangers to each other too when you first met and were now family, sometimes you’d to take a chance on people, but it seemed none but Hershel and T-Dog agreed with you, all were too worried about the potential threat.

At least you were still allowing the convicts to stay inside the prison instead of just sending them away to a world full of monsters.

Hershel was getting better real fast and he seemed to not have lost is good humor and hopeful nature, his accident and missing leg not bringing him down at all, staying so positive it was admirable.

You had found him a couple crutches and today Carl and Beth had finished getting them ready, so now you were with them and Lori strolling around the cellblock as Hershel tested them, seeming good with them already, even cracking jokes with Carl.

Maggie, Carol, and T-Dog joined you, having finished driving into the prison the vehicles you had left outside when you arrived, hiding them from sight. You half hugged Maggie, kissing her cheek as she laughed on delight at his father improvement.

It was a good day for sure.

You saw Rick, Glenn, and Daryl greeting you from the other side of the fence still sorting things out, and you waved at them, big smile on your face. Then you saw their faces fall, eyes widening in fear at the same time you heard Carl’s shout, warning you there were walkers coming.

You turned around and saw several of them making their way towards you.

You almost froze in fear but you gave yourself a shake, quickly getting ready for the fight. You had to take Hershel out of there. Now.

You, T-Dog, Carol and Lori began shooting at the walkers as Hershel limped his way towards the cellblock, Beth trying to help him.

“Go help her!” Maggie shouted at you and you shook your head, they needed you there.

“Come on, Y/N! Beth can’t help daddy alone!”

You bit your lip but finally nodded, running towards Beth and Hershel, letting him wrap an arm around your shoulders and helping Beth walk him back inside the fences that separated the cellblock from the yard, watching in distress how Maggie, Lori, and Carl rushed into another cellblock while Carol and T-Dog ran away from the herd of walkers, looking for another refuge.

“No!” Beth screamed and you gasped in horror, you couldn’t believe your eyes when you saw T-Dog being bitten by one of the monsters, but he just kept running with Carol into another cellblock.

“You can’t go out there!”

Beth tried to stop you when you opened the gate but you pushed her away, running outside the fence, ready to follow Carol and T-Dog, shooting wildly at the walkers around. They were closing on you but then Rick, Glenn, and Daryl finally showed up, clearing the walkers of the yard, although they were stumbling towards you from other yards too, until Glenn managed to close the fence again.

“Where are you going?!”

Daryl grabbed your arm when you tried to run towards the cellblock in which Carol and T-Dog had disappeared.

“Carol is in there!” You explained, distressed. “We don’t know how many walkers are in there! And T-Dog...he was bitten, he’s with her...”

Daryl nodded, eyes on the cellblock, but before you both could make a move towards it, an alarm started blasting. That would only bring more and more monsters to you. You could already see them, making their way from the woods towards the prison. You tried not to panic, but you were terrified.

Following Rick’s lead, you all shoot at the speakers but the sound wouldn’t stop coming. You didn’t even know how that was possible, the prison hadn’t seemed to have any kind of electricity. Oscar, the prisoner, explained it must be the backup generators.

You had to rush and turn them off before it brought every single walker from the forest to you.

“Y/N, wait.” Rick stopped you. “Someone is doing this to us, if they were to show up I don’t want Hershel and Beth alone. You have to protect our cellblock.”

You bit your lip, not wanting to hide behind a fence without helping to stop this, but there wasn’t time to argue so you nodded and made your way back behind the fences as he, Daryl and Glenn ran away, following Oscar and Axel.

You kept eyeing the cellblock in which Carol and T-Dog had disappeared. The yard was now clear but you knew you couldn’t leave Beth and Hershel alone, if something happened to them Rick wouldn’t forgive you, neither would you forgive yourself. And you weren’t stupid, you knew that getting in there without backup was a suicide.

“They made it...” You murmured when the alarm stopped.

A moment later, Rick, Daryl, and Glenn came running back into the yard, asking for Lori. You jumped down the stairs, rushing out of the cellblock fence to meet them.

“Carol, T-Dog?”

“They didn’t make it,” Daryl muttered, looking down.

“What?” You were in shock, unable to process his words.

“Found T-Dog’s body...” Glenn said quietly.

“And this.” Daryl passed you Carol’s bloodstained scarf.

“No. No, it can’t be...” You shook your head without taking the scarf from Daryl’s hand, tears starting to fall down your cheeks.

It couldn’t be true. They couldn’t be gone. Carol couldn’t be gone. You should have done something, you should have gone with her, shouldn’t have let them go alone into a cellblock full of walkers.

“We’re going back!”

Rick announced distressed, he wanted to go looking for Lori, Maggie, and Carl. Before he could say another word, a baby’s cry broke through the air and you turned around to see a bloodstained, sobbing Maggie holding a baby, Carl right behind her.

Lori wasn’t there and judging by Carl and Maggie’s faces and appearance, all you knew what had happened. It was a nightmare. You closed your eyes, not wanting to see anything but Rick’s wails were breaking your heart. Carl...and that poor baby, what were they going to do?

T-Dog, Lori, Carol...you couldn’t take it anymore and you fell your knees giving up but before you could fall down to the floor, an arm held you upright and you opened your eyes to see Daryl wrapping his arm around your waist, holding you to him.

“How did this happen to us? Everything was good.” You sobbed.

“That prisoner Rick threw out,” Daryl said bitterly, voice tight with emotion. “Oscar killed him, guess those two are in our side.”

You guessed that was good, but you couldn’t be glad about anything at that moment.

Rick had fallen onto the floor, seeming totally out of himself. He was now silent and staring vacantly into the distance. Daryl let go of you, giving your arm a last reassuring squeeze, and he knelt next to Rick, trying to talk to him, trying to make him go back to his senses, but to no avail.

You went to Maggie, hugging her after she passed the baby to Carl. “I’m okay...” She whispered, but she seemed still half in shock for what you knew she’d been forced to do.

Daryl seemed to have given up on Rick for now, letting him process his pain the way he seemed to need, and was now focusing his attention in the newborn, asking Hershel what you could feed her.

You hadn’t thought about that, Lori was supposed to be there, breastfeeding her baby, keeping her safe...you didn’t have anything to feed her at all, she needed baby formula soon or she’d weaken, maybe die...you couldn’t think about something so horrible.

Daryl sprung into action quickly, determined to do anything in his hand to keep the baby girl healthy and safe, deciding to go on a run with Maggie to find formula and getting in charge of the situation as Rick was still incapacitated.

“Kid just lost his mum.” You heard him say quietly to Beth, glancing at Carl with worry. “His dad ain’t doing so hot.”

“I’ll look out for him.” Beth nodded, sounding determined.

You stole a glance towards Carl. He seemed to be holding it together better than his father, but there was something in his face, in his eyes, that brought goosebumps to your skin. What that poor kid had had to endure.

Maggie was ready to leave, having pinpointed a place in the map where she thought she might find baby formula but that wasn’t accessible by car, just by bike.

For a moment, Rick seemed to go back to his senses, but then he was picking up an axe and disappearing into a cellblock without a word, a murderous look on his eyes. You all worried for him but right now, the priority was to take care of his baby.

You went inside with Carl, Hershel, and Beth, who was holding the newborn. Miraculously, she was healthy and strong, but she was in desperate need of something to eat and you hoped Daryl and Maggie would find something and come back quick.

You sat down with them in the hall for a moment, but you were scared to hold the baby, afraid you might hurt her or made her cry. You were feeling helpless there, not knowing how to care for the newborn, so you left the cellblock, trying to find something useful to do that would clear your mind off your worried thoughts.

You could see Glenn, Oscar, and Axel digging graves but you couldn’t bring yourself to help with that, knowing you’d break down, so you made your way towards one of the fences where walkers were still piling up.

You took your knife and began sinking it into the monster’s skulls, under the jaw and up to the brain, like Daryl had taught you, focusing on your task, trying not to think in anything else as the geeks dropped dead one after the other.

“You’ve almost cleared them all.” You turned around to see Glenn walking past you on his way towards the watchtower. “We’ll burn them tomorrow.”

You nodded silently, realizing for the first time how many walkers lied dead at the other side of the fence.

“I...I’ve tried to talk to Rick...didn’t go well...” Glenn said, sounding worried. “He’s gone berserker or something, killed a ton of geeks by himself with that axe, didn’t want me close...it‘s almost like he has lost it...”

“Give him time, he’s suffering, he’ll come back...”

“We can only hope so...”

***

Night had fallen when Daryl and Maggie came back and the newborn had been crying his lungs out for a long while without any of you managing to stop her, her disgruntled cries clenching your heart as you realized the baby must be starving.

Beth and Maggie rushed to make her a bottle of formula while Daryl held the baby girl, shushing her and feeding her the formula as soon as Beth passed him the bottle, the newborn calming down as magically.

You were sure you were smiling like an idiot looking at them but you didn’t care, it was so sweet you couldn’t help yourself.

“Little ass-kicker, right? That’s a good name right?”

Daryl was talking quietly to the baby girl, suggesting names, making you all smile and laugh for the first time since that nightmare of a day had begun.

N/A: I feel very insecure about this chapter, I’m sorry if it wasn’t good.

@momc95@jodiereedus22@osweetdevilo@sapphire1727@coffeebooksandfandom  @the-destielr @checkintoreality @aislingsartistry @daddys-little-princess67

I never thought anyone’d like to be tag in any of my stories so thank you! It means the world! <3

If you want to be tagged please let me know.

[silenceindetroit]

The Meaning of Silence - Part 8

“I’m getting too damn old for this.”

The reflection that stared back at him in the mirror made Hank pause. He had been well-familiar with the wrinkles that lined his face for years now; they were almost old friends at this point. But the wear and tear on his body was growing a little less bearable every day, from the hours sitting hunched over at his work desk, to the sleep that insomnia stole from him every night before 3am. And it was starting to show in the way he carried himself.

Maybe Connor had a point to his concerns for Hank’s health.

Connor. His reflection grimaced. The android hadn’t been his usual self for a few weeks. His regular, excited ramblings had slowed to a hault and given way to spans of silence Hank had never experienced with him before. He did his best to keep Connor company on the nights he came home late from work to find him staring out the window with unfocused eyes, or watching the way Beatrice’s fur slid through his fingers repeatedly. Telling him about anything he had heard throughout the day that he thought the android might be interested in. Even if Connor didn’t participate much, he seemed to listen well enough.

And to be fair, the conversations were slowly coming back, though nowhere near their usual level of exuberance. Hank only hoped the kid knew he could talk to him. That he didn’t have to keep whatever this was bottled up inside.

“Connor, you ready?” he called out from the bathroom’s doorway. He wasn’t surprised when there was no answer. His reflection’s brow furrowed at him. “Way too old,” he sighed.

The sight he came out to in the living room nearly made him bite back a bark of laughter. Connor was wearing one of Hank’s sweatshirts, the zipper halfway down, sitting on the couch with an open book in his hands. Peeking her head out from inside, just above where the zipper stopped was Beatrice, her eyes alert as if she were reading along with him.

Hank cleared his throat until Connor looked up at him, blinking. “As much as I hate to break up the fun you two are having, we should head out before we hit traffic. What’s she doing in there?”

“She likes it.”

“I can see that. I’m sure you make a great heater for her, but I don’t think Carl would appreciate us showing up with her.”

Connor pulled down the zipper, watching as Beatrice crawled her way out onto his lap.

The drives had been longer than usual without Connor’s constant stream of thought to buffer the quiet. Today was no different. Hank stole a few glances in his direction, but the android’s eyes were glued to the passenger window.

“You know,” Hank tried to start, “they say spring’s coming early this year.” Connor gave no indication he had heard. “How’s Markus?” he tried again.

Something flickered over the android’s face. “Hes’ fine. He has a public speech next week.”

“Yeah? What about?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t asked.”

Hank grimaced. “Listen, kid.” He tapped a finger against the steering wheel, trying to navigate what he wanted to say. “I know something’s been bothering you lately.” Connor’s chin move an inch in his direction. “If you don’t want to talk about it, I get it. But just don’t get it in your head that whatever it is is some kind of burden you have to carry by yourself.” He closed his eyes for a quick moment and exhaled through his nose. “You don’t have to be strong all the time if you don’t want to. I don’t mind being strong for both of us.” His fingers flexed. “If you want to be sad, be sad,” he quoted. “We’ll ride it out with you. And when you get finished, we’ll be there.”

He smacked himself upside the head in his mind. God, all of that had sounded so stupid.

But he dared a glance from the corner of his eye. Connor’s jaw clenched and unclenched a few times as he processed what he’d just been told. His lips parted. “Thank you, Hank,” he murmured. Hank could have sworn he saw a hint of a smile dance at the corner of his mouth.

The car grew quiet again for the rest of the ride, but this time a hint more comfortable. It wasn’t until they were pulling up into Carl’s driveway that it broke again. “You know we can always leave early,” Hank said. The gear shifted into park, and he killed the engine. “If you don’t feel up for a long visit today.”

Connor nodded. “Thanks. I think I’ll be alright.”

They made their way up to the porch together. Hank’s hand reached to ring the bell, but there was no need; Markus was already there, opening the door for them. “I saw your car pull up,” he explained when Hank’s brows raised in surprise. “Carl’s in the living room, Hank.”

“How’s that for a quick entrance?” Hank asked, turning to Connor, but the android’s eyes were locked on Markus. A look along the lines of relief softened the features of his face.

“I’ll leave you two to it, then,” Hank said, stepping through the door and navigating around Markus. He stole a glance over his shoulder when he was halfway down the hallway, raising an eyebrow to himself when he caught a glimpse of Markus reaching for Connor’s hand as the door closed.

“I was starting to wonder where you were,” Carl said to him when he had made it into the living room. The older man was positioned near the window in his wheelchair, hands folded in his lap.

“We had a little trouble getting out of the house,” Hank apologized. He pulled out a chair from the table and dragged it over to sit beside him. “How’s that piece you showed me last week coming?”

“Not at the pace I’d like,” Carl admitted. “But steady. I have to take more breaks now than I’d like to admit. My hands have started shaking more.” He sighed dismissively. “But what can you do, eh? All part of getting old.”

“Tell me about it.” Hank couldn’t help but let out a groan as he leaned back. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this kind of work—feels like it’s getting more demanding every day. The world isn’t cut out for old guys like us. Just wears you down until it’s time to replace you.”

Carl nodded. “Nothing new. You thinking of retiring, Anderson?”

Hank sighed and let himself sink a little further back in the chair.“I don’t know what I’m thinking,” he said. “But I wouldn’t mind a few more vacation days, that’s for damn sure.”

“Hah. Anything to drink?”

He let out a chuckle. “Is it too early for that scotch of yours?”

“It’s my own house,” Carl replied with a wrinkled smile. “If I say it’s not too early, it’s not too early.” A grimace followed. “Although I probably shouldn’t. My doctor’s been cracking down on me since the hospitalization.”

“Then maybe some of that tea you’re always going on about.” Hank braced for a moment against the arms of the chair before pushing himself up.

“Let me have Joseph get that—”

He waved a hand dismissively. “Bah. I may be getting old, but I can still make a ten foot walk. Just have to prep myself mentally beforehand.” Carl laughed at that.

The water kettle sat on its own table near a bookcase, mugs and a box of tea bags to the side. He took out two of each. “What’s on your mind, Hank?” Carl asked while he worked. “You seem preoccupied today.”

Hank was slow to answer. He grimaced at the kettle as he lifted it from its electric burner and poured. “It’s Connor. He hasn’t been himself for a few weeks. Not that he isn’t starting to get back to normal. Just wish I knew what it was on his mind.” He took a mug in each hand and made his way back over.

Carl reached for his.“You mean since the funeral?” he asked.

Hank’s brow furrowed. “Funeral?”

“Markus told me their group had some sort of memorial service for the androids that died at their previous base.”

“Shit.” No wonder Connor hadn’t had his typical energy lately. “He never even told me.” It added up. From what he knew, it would be Connor’s first real run-in with anything resembling grief. It made sense he would’ve been having trouble navigating it. Damn kid, you really don’t open up, do you? Hank ran his tongue over the backs of his teeth, watching the steam swirl up from his mug. “Does Markus talk to you about a lot of things?”

“Ah… more than you might think.” Carl’s eyebrows lifted, almost knowingly.

Hank leaned back again. “In what way?”

“Well.” Carl shrugged, but a crooked smile spread over his face. “Have you happened to notice the way he and Connor steal glances?”

Hank’s mind flashed to the glimse of their hands he had caught while walking to the living room. Not the first moment he’d observed. He raised an eyebrow. “You could say that. I’ve had my suspicions since they went to that club.”

“I’ve had them as well,” Carl said. He pulled at the string of his tea bag a few times and took a cautious sip. “I think Markus has been trying to be subtle. But I’ve seen the way his face lights up when I mention Connor.” He chuckled, then paused when it turned into a cough. “There’s nothing subtle about it then.”

“Huh.” An amused smile toyed at Hank’s mouth as he thought about it. “You know, if you had told me six months ago that I would be discussing the relationships of an android I’m fighting the previously fastest-rising corporation in the country for custody over, I would have said you were out of your mind.”

“How’s that going, anyway? The legal action.”

Hank blew a breath through his nostrils. “Just as horrible as you might think. They’re budging, but they’re dragging their feet. Trying to find hidden loopholes to throw at us to the point that even Kamski’s having trouble with it. If it was just me?” He shook his head. “I never would have gotten this far.”

“Elijah’s helping you with these matters?”

Hank’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You know him?”

“I more than know him. He’s the one who gave me Markus.”

“No shit?”

Carl rubbed his thumb over his chin in thought. “Maybe I’ll give him a call this evening,” he murmured to himself. His eyes closed as he took another sip. “Connor’s lucky to have you, Hank. No one better to have fighting in his corner.”

“Nah.” Hank gave a small shake of his head, eyes softening as he looked down into his tea. “I’m just a worn down cop who’s lived out too much of life. If anything, I’m the one who’s lucky.” He pointed a finger. “Don’t ever tell him I said that, though.”

Carl gave a chuckle. “Of course not—can’t have him thinking his old man has gone soft,” he agreed jokingly.

Hank raised his mug to his lips, trying to hide the emotion that welled up without warning at the words his old man. “You really think he and Markus…?” he asked, trying to change the subject back.

A shrug. “I don’t know. Could very well be. Either way, they seem happy.”

Hank’s eyes drew to the window, watching the sun filter between the bare branches of the trees that had just begun to show signs of budding. “Yeah. They do.”

——-

“Are you going to tell me what it is?”

Connor watched Markus’ profile for an answer; he hadn’t wasted time, after Hank had left them to meet Carl in the living room, reaching for Connor’s hand. “There’s something I want you to see,” he’d murmured, leading him with a gentle tug towards the stairs. Now they were making their way down the second story’s hallway, and Connor still wasn’t sure what for.

Markus turned to him. “That wouldn’t make it a surprise anymore, now would it?” he replied.

“Well.” Connor pulled at the other android’s hand until they came to a halt. His thumb reached up and swiped against Markus’ cheek, wiping a smudge of dirt. “Considering the evidence I would say it has something to do with bontany. Perhaps up in the garden.”

“Thank you, Detective,” Markus replied, a hint of sarcasm in his tone. He sighed in defeat. “Humor me, please? I’ve been working on this for almost a week.”

“Sorry. Should I rub it back on?”

He rolled his eyes, despite the reluctant smile that tugged at his mouth. “Come on, you.”

They climbed the final flight of stairs to the rooftop doors, pushing through the threshold into the sunlight. Connor blinked a handful of times as his eyes adjusted first to the brightness, then the sight before him.

The garden beds that had once stood empty on either side of the wide path were now home to several different ground cover plants, succulents, herbs, and lavender bushes, each bed holding something different than the others, but mirroring the one on the opposite side. That much he had expected to see some degree of.

The rest, however, he wasn’t prepared for.

New benches were arranged under the wood canopy that took up the far end of the garden. Where it had been neglected before, the overhead beams were now lit with string lights that matched the ones zig-zagging across the rest of the rooftop. Pots of trailing plants hung from hooks between the new lights, spilling their vines and leaves down, like a collection of green chandeliers over the sitting area. Panes of glass stretched between each wooden beam to make three walls, as well as a sloping roof. It was big enough for several people to reside comfortably under.

“What do you think?” Markus asked.

Connor walked the wide path to the threshold of the canopy, slowing to a hault in the middle of its floor. His head tilted back to look up at the plant that hovered a handful of  feet above him. Grape ivy. “You did all this?” he asked when Markus had caught up to him.

“Most of it. I had some help here and there. Most of it with revamping this.” He reached an arm up to curl his hand against a beam, leaning his weight against it.

Connor turned in a slow circle as he stepped towards him. “This is incredible, Markus. What… what even possessed you to want to fix all of this up?”

The other android’s head tilted to the side. “No one’s used it for years now. After we danced up here, I figured it was time to breathe some new life into it.” He gave an almost nervous smile. They were face-to-face now. “I thought it would be nice for us to have a place we could look forward to being in. I can do my painting here, and you can do your writing. Plus,” he looked to the side, sheepish, “the flooring seemed like a waste not to use, considering how wide it is.” Connor’s internal fans whirred.

The definition of Markus’ cheek grew more prominent as he sucked it between his teeth. “I didn’t know if you would like any of it or not,” he added.

Connor’s brow furrowed. “Why wouldn’t I like it?”

He received a drawn-out shrug in reply. “We’ve only danced here one time. I didn’t know if I was going out on too much of a limb or not. With any of it.”

Something in Connor’s chest spasmed and clenched. It almost hurt.

He dared to reach his hand up and brought it to the side of Markus’ neck, thumb brushing the edge of his jaw. “I more than like it,” he said quietly. His eyes flitted downward. “And I think I’d like it if we always had a place we could dance.”

Markus’ eyes softened. He dipped his chin to nudge at Connor’s hand and planted a kiss against the base of his palm.

A pulse of electricity surged through Connor’s hardwiring at the contact. He cleared his vocal box. “You missed.”

“What do you mean, I missed?”

He tilted Markus’ chin with his thumb and closed the space between them, meeting the other android’s lips gently with his own. The surge of electricity returned.

It wasn’t until they pulled away a few minutes later that a small speaker Connor hadn’t noticed turned on without warning, spitting out a chorus of brass section instruments beside one of the benches.

Markus took a step back to offer up his palm. “Care to test it out?”

Connor’s internal fans whirred as he let the question hang in the air. He couldn’t help but take the other android in for a moment. The shyness on his face despite the light in his eyes.

He looked so beautiful.

Their hands slid together as the song sprung into the first verse. “Frank Sinatra, huh?” Connor said, raising a eyebrow as he pretended to copy Markus’ tone of voice. He rested his other hand against the android’s waist. “Didn’t know you were such a fan of the classics.”

Markus smiled as he led their bodies into a turn. “It’s a song many have danced to over the decades,” he replied.

[telltheworld-phff]

Chapter 45, part II: Wisdom

It took Carol a few minutes to close her mouth and come out of her shock. She never imagined she’d have to play host to a prince and a princess. She closed her eyes and tried to calm down. They were just people. Like anyone else. She had already met The Queen, for God’s sake, although nor her or Harry knew it was going to happen in that day. But now… oh, now she knew that they were coming and she was fan-girling and fidget-y and nervous and all she wanted was to grab her bag and run home to hide.

“Carol?” Harry tried and she didn’t listen.

She started pacing around in the kitchen, with a knife and a bell pepper in hand and it was almost funny.

“Carol?” Harry called her a third time and gave a gentle shake to see if she’d answer him.

“Yeah?” she said opening her eyes and looking at him.

“Are you ok?” he asked confused.

“I… Kind of. I guess. I don’t know.” she said and looked at him hoping she’d get the answers she needed in his eyes.

“You’re going to like them. They’re nice people and friendly and you’re going to meet your favorite prince. So it must be Friday, right?” he tried to joke.

“OH MY GOD.” she screamed and run out of the kitchen towards his bedroom and he followed after getting the knife and pepper from the floor where she had dropped them. She had opened her side of the chest of drawers he had given her – where she kept more clothing than she’d like to admit – and started throwing it all out to find something to wear. “OH MY GOD.” she kept saying and Harry decided it was best if he didn’t make himself known.

“I’ve got nothing to wear. I’m going to meet Carl Philip and Sofia and I’ve got nothing to wear.” she searched around in the pile on the floor.

“This is a bloody disaster!” she said. “A fucking nightmare. I have to go out a buy an outfit. Do I even need a hat?” she was fully out rambling.

Harry watched her freak out for at least five minutes before he stepped up and tried again to calm her down. It took him longer than he expected, a shower together and a quickie in the middle to Carol start to behave like herself. She did have what to wear and she got ready before him. She came back to the kitchen and started again to make dinner, this time wearing an apron above her clothes so she wouldn’t get tomato sauce on her white shirt.

She was midway cooking dinner when the doorbell rang and Harry asked her to join him on welcoming their guests. At this point he was pretty much playing house with her and was going to proudly introduce his girl to a friend. And he saw himself doing this lots and lots of times in the future. Carol took three deep breaths, and a huge sip of wine, and took off her apron to join him.

Harry opened the door and greeted Carl Philip loudly. Sofia was standing behind her husband and shyly was watching them who looked like two teenagers in a party.

“It was about time you came to London, you prick.” Harry said while he gave his friend a weird handshake and a hug.

“Someone has to work. Not everyone of us get it easy like you, Wales.” Carl Philip answered in his almost non noticeable accent.

“As if...” Harry said and looked at Sofia. “Still trying to figure out what you saw in him Sofs.”

Carol looked at him surprised to hear the nicknames. He had never told her about it. But to be honest she almost never asked him about Royal things.

“Well… I’d take a long time explaining, Hazza.” she said hugging him and Carol saw how petite she really was. And how sweet her voice sounded.

“Let me introduce you to my gir…“ he stopped and looked at Carol and she discreetly shook her head. “Friend.” he said and she saw the kind of disappointed in his eyes. She almost regretted stopping him. Almost. “Carolina. This is Carl Philip and his wife, Sofia. But you already know that”

Carol blushed furiously at that.

Sofia looked interested between Harry and Carol and was the first to speak.

“Nice to meet you, Carolina.” she said and offered her hand for a handshake.

Carol shook Sofia’s hand, trying to hide that her own was slightly shaking, and did a small curtsy to her.

“I can say the same, Your Royal Highness.” she answered politely.

“Oh...” Sofia was surprised. “There’s no need for that kind of formality in here. But I appreciate that.”

Carol smiled and then greeted Carl Philip in the same way before the couples went to the living room of the cottage. Harry had prepared a few snacks and chosen a bottle of wine. They sat on the living room a chatted for a while.

“I can’t help but ask, due to how you greeted us, Carolina, that you have a certain knowledge about… us.” Carl Philip asked after the basics were talked about.

“Well… I know more than most in my country for sure.” Carol answered and shrugged.

“That’s interesting.” he answered. “But one would think it is because you’re friends with Harry.”

“Nah… I knew it before I met him. But he does help me sometimes.” she said and jokingly patted Harry’s knee.Out of habit her hand stayed there and she caressed it. She was seeking reassurance from him. It didn’t go unnoticed by Sofia who smiled discreetly.  “What I didn’t know was that you guys were friends. Because you have never been spotted together.”

“Yep… Royal Watcher” Harry answered when he saw Carl Philip’s surprised expression and the non spoken question.

“Well, darling, it’s what everyone assumes. That we’re not close. But we are. We were just careful to not let people know because we have to follow precedence and stuff. But all the Royal Families are connected somehow and everyone knows everyone. But Carl Philip and I we are friends for a while now.” Harry answered while pouring more wine in Carol’s glass.

“The non official parties are the best part, though.” Carl Philip just shrugged.

“Really?” Carol was curious.

“Yes. But since we have some traditions to follow, we don’t really talk about it. But Hazza and I go way back.”

“I bet you two wreaked havoc in the past.” Sofia said after sipping on her glass.

“Oh the troubles this redhead have made us go into.” Carl Philip laughed and held his wife’s hand. “But now I’m a family man.” 

“I know.” She said. “And you better be.”

“Remember that time when your father scolded us because we left in the middle of the night with no PO’s to go to a club in Stockholm?” Harry laughed and everyone joined him. “He started saying things in Swedish and I didn’t understand a damn thing. He did call my father and my grandmother after that.”

“What happened when you got here?” Carol asked.

“Grandma made my father ground me. Well... as far as grounding goes for princes.”

He and Carl Philip laughed hard at it and both girls understood it was an inside joke.

“What are you cooking Carol?” Carl Philip asked after he stopped laughing. “It smells delicious!”

“Minced beef stuffed peppers, with salad and rice. I had to think of something quickly.”

“That sounds great for us, don’t worry. It was with so short notice. Do you need any help?”

Carol didn’t answer at first because what could she say really? A princess was offering her help in the kitchen. If she said yes would she be breaking any kind of protocol? But this wasn’t a place for protocols because Sofia herself had said so when she arrived. If she said no, it would be rude. And one can’t be rude to a princess. Can they?

“I’d love some.” Carol answered getting up but bringing her glass of wine and taking another sip. Sofia did the same and they both went to the kitchen.

Everything was under control, Sofia noticed. The rice was ready, the salad too, she had made two sauces for seasoning and while the brunette checked the peppers in the oven Sofia looked around.

“What do you want me to do?” Sofia asked cheerfully.

“I think you might enjoy some bread, because of the tomato sauce of the peppers. Would you mind cutting them?” Carol said after she took off the kitchen mittens.

“Of course not.” Sofia answered and watched as Carol moved flawlessly in the kitchen. She knew where everything was and she owned it. It was home for her, not only the cottage inside a palace but the kitchen. She was way more relaxed here than she was in the living room.

“Harry looks so happy.” Sofia said while carefully cutting the slices of bread.

“Does he now?” Carol asked sipping more wine in an attempt to change the subject.

“He does. He’s way more relaxed and easy going than the first time I met him.” She answered.

“How was he like when you met him?” Carol was curious.

“You know… it wasn’t easy for me too, to meet a prince and date one and then meet princes and princesses and kings and queens. I lived in the real world just like you. But Harry… we met a few years ago, and he made me feel included and accepted. And that wasn’t easy to have, due to a few choices I made in the past.”

Carol only nodded. She knew what Sofia was mentioning.

“And he made me feel welcomed from the start. But there wasn’t this sparkle in his eyes. He was sad, but he used his non ending jokes and puns to cover it. Today’s the first day I really felt he’s relaxed and comfortable in his own skin. And it clearly shows it’s because of you.” Sofia finished cutting the bread and organized them in the basket Carol had given her, and she decided to give sometime for Carol to understand what she meant. So she put the basket on the nicely organized table and came back to the kitchen.

Carol looked at Sofia and sighed. She took a deep breath and the Princess noticed Carol was about to open up and didn’t want to interfere.

“You know… Harry and I. We… We’re not dating.” Carol said barely above a whisper.

“You’re not? Are you sure?” Sofia asked arching an eyebrow. “Well… it looks like it, they way you both behave. And he’s clearly in love.”

There it was.

The feeling she knew Harry felt for her, the one that she was denying she felt for him, but that she saw whenever he called or texted or tried to make her comfortable at his house. Harry loved her.

He showed her everyday how much he loved her. He showed it when he called her everyday to listen to how her day was, he showed it when he made time in his packed schedule to be with her, he showed it when he arrived at her door with ice cream and cookies, when he held her while she was crying homesick. He showed it when he supported her after successful meetings and when he scolded her and said she was acting like a brat. He had shown her so much love in these four months since her moving to London (and if she was to be really honest, since way before that), than she had saw in years of her previous relationships. He not only showed her, he showered her in love every single day.

And that was the problem. Even though she was trying (not much, because of the fear, but she was slowly starting to try) to let go of her past and make her subconscious understand Harry was a different man and that he wasn’t going to play with her feelings, she couldn’t.

Every time she stopped to analyse where she stood feelings-wise for him, this overwhelming sense of doing the wrong thing took the best of her and she gave in to her fears.

“I know.” Carol sighed and Sofia was polite enough to let her take her time to finish the sentence. “I know he’s in love. And right now I’m feeling bad with myself for giving him hope.”

“You don’t like him?”

“It’s not that. It’s… complicated.” Carol said trying to finish the conversation. But Sofia was a very determined person.

“Carol… every relationship is complicated somehow.. It’s in the core of it.” She said and sat on one of the stools in the kitchen.

“It’s that I have this fear of relationships due to previous experiences. And the fact that he’s a prince isn’t making it any easier.” Carol finally said turning off the oven and heating the rice so she could serve dinner.

“About your fear of relationships it’s understandable why you’re afraid of letting go and living the romance with him. But let me tell you something, everyone’s gonna make you suffer. One way or another, in different levels. Some are so bare minimum that one can’t even say its suffering. You just have to set apart the ones who do it in purpose and the ones who do it unconsciously. And the ones who are willing to make an effort to no let it happen.” Sofia said and looked at her warmly and smiled.

Carol felt so well in that moment. She deep inside knew she could trust Sofia and she knew she was just trying to assure Harry’s happiness would last. She wanted her friend happy.

“Thank you.” she whispered approaching the stool where Sofia was sitting. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome.” Sofia said and held Carol’s hands in both hers. “Harry deserves to be happy and to have the family he have always dreamed of. And you’re the one he thinks he’ll share it, then I gotta give a little help if it is needed.”

Carol gasped and laughed.

“Well… Let’s not get carried away Sofia. He’s a Prince.” Carol said.

“So?” Sofia shrugged.

“So that I’m not suitable enough to be a duchess. He’d be better off with an aristocrat lady that was groomed for it her whole life.”

“Oh, for God’s sake Carol… what’s with this inferiority problem you’ve got?” Sofia said. “Let me tell you something. You don’t have to be suitable for his grandmother or father, you don’t have to be suitable for any head of government. You have to be suitable for him, to be his partner. To have his back. To hold him if so needed. You have to be, in your own way, the person he imagined his life with. And believe me, you are this person. I have never seen my friend so happy before. Harry was born into this, Carol. He knows about this system. He knows how hard it is, how consuming it is, how one will never be suitable and approvable to everyone. And believe me, princes around the world won’t bring someone into this overwhelming environment if they don’t think that person is the person for them. If he’s willing to bring you to this he both believe you’re the one for him and that you’re the one who’ll stick around and face this whole new world together with him. If he didn’t think so, you wouldn’t be at his house on a Friday night cooking dinner for him and his friends. Because this is his sanctuary. His safe place. The place where he can be himself and around trusted people.”

Carol listened carefully to what Sofia said and she knew it made sense.

There was a truth right before her eyes that she wasn’t seeing until it was pointed out for her.

“What you should really think about it whether or not you can handle this. There will be tons of people who’ll criticize you. And they’ll go hard and  unconscionable. They’ll talk about and have opinions about it either in your clothing, in your work rate, in your friends, what you do in your free time, the choices you make for your future children. Those people could even be in his family or in his inner circle of friends. But at the end of the day will be you and him against the world. Doing what’s best for your family and work. Having each other backs and doing the best you can in the situation you have. Knowing that if you fall, he’ll be right there for you and vice versa. Or you don’t think Harry would be there?” Sofia asked finishing her wine.

“Oh, for sure he would. Putting cushions on the floor and all so I wouldn’t get hurt.” Carol said and smiled.

“So there, my friend. You’ve found your soulmate. Don’t let exterior obstacles get into between you. That’s my advice. After all, I’ve been there and done that. I know how you’re feeling and the doubts you’re having. I still have members of the family that don’t like me, most people in my country don’t like me, the press is ruthless and unforgiving but I know that at the end of the day I’ll have the man I love and my son at home, cooking dinner, putting little Alexander to bed and being together. That’s what matters to me. That’s what I wanted., that’s what I’ve fought for.”

A small tear rolled on Carol’s cheeks and she didn’t let it turn into full on crying. Because she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop it.

She cleaned it and asked Sofia if she could get a hug. The Princess was more than happy to hug her new friend tightly.

“Thank you.” Carol said, they parted before the boys entered the kitchen to fetch another bottle of wine. Carol said dinner was ready and Harry promptly helped her with the serving trays to the table. He poured wine to everyone, Carl Philip put on a playlist and they had an amazing dinner together. Harry was constantly asking about Alexander and was enjoying the little mischief the little boy was doing. They ate a dessert made by Bernard and only said goodbye when it was almost midnight and Sofia said Madeleine had babysat for way too long.

They shared hugs and exchanged phone numbers at Harry’s door.

“Whenever you’re in Sweden, do call me, Carol.” Sofia said after they said goodbye.

“I’ll do. Thank you so much Sofia.” 

“You can thank me with an wedding invitation.” she whispered jokingly. 

Carol smiled while they waved goodbye to their friends with Harry side hugging her. She allowed herself to not worry tonight. She allowed herself to feel this growing feeling inside her. How it made her warm, how it made her powerful. How it made her happy and safe.

Harry closed the door  when their car was out of sight and asked how she was feeling.

“Great.” she answered.

“That’s good. That’s good.” he kissed her temple. “Why don’t you go and take off these heels and prepare a bath? I’ll be loading the dishwasher and cleaning up.”

“I’ll help.” Carol said and he soon interrupted her.

“No you won’t. You cooked for us, set the table. I’ll tidy things up. Prepare a bath and go rest.”

“But I don’t want to have a bath by myself.” she said and pouted.

“Oh babe. You aren’t going to. I’ll be up there in a minute.” he said and pecked her lips.

“Well… I’ll wait for you then.” she said before climbing up the stairs.

A/N: So here’s the chapter. 

I was going to make a small dinner and then make Carol have this conversation in Sweden (where she’d go for work), but I honestly think they should be together NOW. So, our amazing princess gave Carol the little push she needed.

Next chapter is Carol’s mom’s wedding and I am planning it to be beautiful.

Hope you enjoy it.

Special thanks to Vania and Bruna who read and re-read this chapter over and over and heard me complaining about how I couldn’t get it done. But now, it’s here. woohoo!!

xoxo