#all our wrong todays
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“This is how you discover who someone is. Not the success. Not the result. The struggle. The part between the beginning and the ending that is the truth of life.”
All Our Wrong Todays, Elan Mastai
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Reading two brilliant books right now—one, imaginative and irreverent historical fiction, and the other, time travel romance. Just wanted to pop in here and share the first paragraph of each... because they're fun:
"So, the thing is, I come from the world we were supposed to have. That means nothing to you, obviously, because you live here, in the crappy world we do have. But it never should've turned out like this. And it's all my fault—well, me and to a lesser extent my father and, yeah, I guess a little bit Penelope." —paragraph one, ALL OUR WRONG TODAYS
"'Force... equals... mass... times... acceleration,' muttered Ada as she wrote in her notebook. Ada pondered that if you drop a hammer on your foot, it hurts more than dropping, say, a sock on your foot. The acceleration, or speeding up, is the same, but the mass, the solid oomph of a thing, is different. Oomph times zoom equals kaboom!" —paragraph one, The Wollstonecraft Detective Agency, No. 1: The CASE of the MISSING MOONSTONE
Okay, okay... I need to share another two bits (not 25¢) from the time travel romance, because, as a writer, they are so delicious...
"Today, in the year 2016, humanity lives in a techno-utopian paradise of abundance, purpose, and wonder.
Except we don't. Of course we don't. We live in a world where, sure, there are iPhones and 3D printers and, I don't know, drone strikes or whatever. But it hardly looks like The Jetsons. Except it should. And it did. Until it didn't. But it would have, if I hadn't done what I did. Or, no, hold on, what I will have done.
I'm sorry, despite receiving the best education available to a citizen Tomorrow, the grammar of this situation is a bit com-plicated.
Maybe the first person is the wrong way to tell this story. Maybe if I take refuge in the third person I'll find some sort of distance or insight or at least peace of mind. It's worth a try."
—then, the next chapter spends the first two paragraphs written in the third person, but then...
"I'm sorry—I can't write like this. It's fake. It's safe.
The third person is comforting because it's in control, which feels really nice when relating events that were often so out of control. It's like a scientist describing a biological sample seen through a micro-scope. But I'm not the microscope. I'm the thing on the slide. And I'm not writing this to make myself comfortable. If I wanted comfort, I'd write fiction.
In fiction, you cohere all these evocative, telling details into a portrait of the world. But in everyday life, you hardly notice any of the little things. You can't. Your brain swoops past it all, especially when it's your own home, a place that feels barely separate from the inside of your mind or the outside of your body."
—I'm sorry..... I can't get over a book stopping and explaining why it is written how it us written! Authors that break the fourth wall! I just...
(reminds me of my favorite autobiography, The Making of an American by Jacob Riis)
And then having the chutzpah to declare itself nonfiction while being soft sci-fi. It just....
And the other..... the historical fiction... It is the adventures of Ada Byron (the world's first computer programmer) and Mary Shelley, nee Godwin (the world's first science fiction author) as teenage girls who form their own detective agency and go adventuring together!
Reading both of these at once is rapturous!
So, yeah........ #book recs !!!
#book reccs#the wollstonecraft detective agency#ada byron#mary shelley#jordan stratford#elan mastai#all our wrong todays#jacob riis#the making of an american#also getting whiffs of#the storytelling of the princess bride book#and the beekeeper's apprentice series#as well as lemony snicket
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Beach Boy! Barney, jumping for joy during a trip to the beach in July of 2012.
#I don't usually post politics stuff online - even in the tags!#BUT I am currently in a state of massive relief after seeing the exit polls for our General Election in the UK today#This happy pic seemed an appropriate one to post in light of it looking as though the Tories will be out by morning!#I mean... I won't fully believe & celebrate until the *actual* results are in but the exit poll is usually pretty bang on... so YAY!#Prediction is that we will have a landslide victory for Labour - even if it's a bit wrong it looks like Labour *should* win easily#I don't massively like the current Labour party but I loathe the Conservatives & what they've done over the past 14yrs#Where I live the Tories are still actually likely to win (ick!) unless the Green Party pull off something amazing#but I don't even care about our local result much - I just want Labour to win overall & it looks like they will#Oh! Happy Independence Day to our friends across the pond!!#We will all be keeping our fingers crossed for your upcoming election results later in the year!#throwback thursday#barney#border collie#beach
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also kyper going so hardcore about 1634 today saved me..... "34 wants 16. he doesnt want 88, he doesn't want anybody else. he wants him." he said it with SO much conviction, it's killing me. like that's how me and the oomfs speak bro, welcome to the club. also the use of their numbers to make it less personal like these guys dont wear their numbers like a LIFELINEEEE......
#i love it every time but it gets me EXTRA EXTRA when ppl with inside information are so fucjing convinced abt it lmfooooaosksoso#i literally never listen to kyper n bourne n the show today was mid as fuck in general#im tired of mens opinions n they have literally no conviction or logic abt some stuff whatsoever bht i love thst they#all know this specifically to be true like i could liteslltkdkd rant svt this for an hour i need to chill but HDKNSDJ#shoutout lou for pointin it out but wow . wow#austons energy level n magic touch gracing our besutiful screens the second hes back w mitch and everyone jsut having to give into that fact#TIME AFTER TIME AS THEY ALWAYS DO#sam being like. use it sparingly like girl what do u mean#ud rather chase games and have to cstch up n throw together pairings and HOPE it pays off ? LMFOA#anyway.#nick is so annoyigngj too bringing up the fact that auston paced better w bert n domi like im sorry but those sample sizes dont add up#that is NOT a valid comparison#hfskndkdkd angway. LOL#this is crazy#sorry not nick JUSTIN i mean#i always get their first names swapped its so funng how long i was convinced tehy were each other#justin literally looks like a. nick and vice versa TELL ME IM WRONG
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Me: "Murderbot starts tomorrow. Can't wait. Gotta think about something else."
Sidebar Ad: *selling shoes*
Me: "Oh wow, those look like something they'd wear on Preservation!"
(They really do.)
#you can't tell me I'm wrong#Murderbot#shoes#also FYI our TV broke on Tuesday night#spontaneously; the backlight strip that makes it possible to see the LEDs stopped working#so on Wednesday I contacted repair shops and electronics stores and umpteen billion websites#and found that it wasn't worth the money to fix#when there was a new one of a similar kind at a discount nearby#the same store recycles old TVs#so we swapped them out#and now there's a shiny new one mostly installed correctly#the screws for the wall mount are too long#but we'll get new ones soon#and most importantly it WORKS#so we can watch Murderbot tomorrow#aaaaaaaaaa#gonna be gone all day today#so glad we got that fixed#unrelated: I'll be wearing my 'ART sent me' hat today#maybe I'll wear my Sanctuary Moon shirt too
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Your election post was the most holier-than-thou, performative, bullshit I’ve ever read. Get a grip and get some self awareness.
i will take "missed the entire point" for 500, alex
#y'all abstainers and third party voters are gonna have so much blood on your hands if this goes sideways#and a lot of that blood will be that of palestinians#but please go ahead and ignore all logic#so over it dude#tired of being nice election day is half over anyway#if you abstained or voted third party#you did the wrong thing#you did a bad thing#hope the moral high ground was worth it bud#perceived moral high ground i should say#all it actually is is selfish performative bullshit#and i am sick to fucking death of explaining why#when trans people are criminalized for existing#when palestine is flattened into nothing but debris#when people with uteruses are forced into pregnancy#and criminalized for miscarriages or still births#when lgbt protections are repealed#when every criminal in office gets a pardon#when education falls apart#when healthcare gets even worse#when our allies turn against us#when we get involved in international conflicts we have no business in#when people die#i hope you remember today and the choices you made#and i hope you never get rid of your guilt#if he wins and the world falls apart i hope you feel the weight of your mistake until the day you fucking die#you make it so hard to believe in the good in people#and i am so tired#diz says stuff
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As someone who loves Andrew as a character and doesn’t hate on Ashley and recognize both of their flaws unlike most people, I feel like the fandom coddles and sympathizes Andrew even more after Chapter 3 because of his backstory.
Ashley’s behavior is largely a result of her parents’ neglect and lack of effort in raising her. They never made her go to therapy or address her issues, instead enabling her behavior and shifting the blame onto her brother. She never had birthdays celebrated, and her fake friends only used her to get closer to Andy. As a result, no one really supports her, and she never learned how to behave in a healthy way. So, it makes sense why she’d become so dependent on Andy when he’s the only one who’s actually tried to care for her and make her happy.
What people often overlook is that Ashley grew up in the same toxic, abusive environment as Andrew, but instead of being labeled as “evil” or “manipulative,” she’s simply a product of the neglect and lack of guidance she experienced. She craves unconditional love, doesn’t understand relationships, and wears her emotions on her sleeve. Meanwhile, Andrew sees through it, lets her behavior slide, and ends up blaming her for his own actions.
There’s a lot of sympathy for Andrew, to the point where people overlook some of his less admirable qualities—like how he treats Ashley, Julia, Nina, and others. But when it comes to Ashley, she’s dismissed just because her personality is harder for people to like. She grew up in the same neglectful and abusive environment as Andrew, but their personalities turned out differently because she was completely neglected, while Andrew was suppressed. This explains why Ashley tends to act out and demand attention, while Andrew keeps things bottled up. Yet people forget this, and only see Ashley as a product of the same toxic environment that worsened Andrew, without considering that there was nothing in that environment that could’ve helped her improve. She doesn’t know how to initiate positive, prosocial behavior because she wasn’t taught how to.
In many ways, Andrew’s behavior is just as problematic—he rarely does anything genuinely prosocial and sometimes behaves horribly toward people who care about him, like Julia. But because he’s more inward in his attitude and has a more fleshed-out backstory, people tend to accept him more easily. Ashley, on the other hand, hasn’t been given the same explanation or “justification” for her actions.
Ashley is clearly wrong for abusing and raping Andrew, and it's understandable that people sympathize with him because of it. However, let’s not pretend Andrew is some “innocent” person. He’s spied on his sister while she was changing, emotionally manipulated others, used Julia to vent his sexual frustrations about Ashley, cared more about the consequences of his actions than the lives he took, faked nightmares to sleep next to his sister, and continues to engage in inappropriate touching or flirting with her.
In the Shots and Such ending, Andrew wanted Ashley to get drunk with him so they could have "accidental" sex, and he ended up assaulting her while she was intoxicated, trying to repeat what he considered the best sex he ever had. In the Cliffhanger ending, it is implied that Andrew intended to assault his imaginary sister.
In the story, Andrew makes many sexual comments to Ashley but later takes back his consent. Despite this, Ashley continues to press him, which leads to the conclusion that this is rape.
Then Andrew has sex with a wasted Ashley. When she finds out, she has a breakdown. Andrew argues that she "wanted it," suggesting it wasn't rape?
Andrew violently beats Ashley and then becomes drunk. Ashley forces him to have sex with her. Later, Andrew admits he likes to get Ashley drunk to have sex with her and has been trying to recreate it over and over again.
Both individuals are terrible, but it frustrates me that Andrew is not held accountable for anything.
Ashley and Andrew both have difficult personalities shaped by their neglectful upbringing. Ashley seeks attention and is often criticized for her behavior, while Andrew is more reserved and people overlook his flaws. The key point is that both are shaped by their environment and should not be labeled as simply a "monster" or a "victim. "
If you feel sympathy for one sibling, you should show the same sympathy to the other. Similarly, if you dislike one sibling, you should also have the same feelings toward the other.
i don’t know what world you live in where people are sympathizing with andrew after decay and refusing to hold him accountable, nor why you’re dropping all these paragraphs in my inbox to tell me how much andrew sucks and ashley should be coddled more like i’m one of those people.
not a fan of anything you said on the topic of rape, either. mentioning it in passing only to bring up examples of andrew disregarding ashley’s lack of genuine consent after he was raped by ashley and she forced him into a sexual relationship as if to show that andrew is a worse rapist, even comparing his deeply repressed thoughts in cliffhanger to the act of rape by claiming thoughts = intent to act, all of that strongly comes off as trying to justify what was done to him and i am not here for it.
and making sexual comments does not in any way equal consent to sex, so andrew didn’t withdraw consent that he’s never given when ashley raped him. you’re definitely in “andrew wanted it so the rape wasn’t that bad” territory here and it’s extremely uncomfortable.
#filed under; q&a#we can indeed all agree that andrew is no saint#he is awful#but man is there a lot in here that requires far more nuance than it’s given#and a lot is flat out dismissive of context and crucial situational factors#they’re in a cycle of mutual reactive abuse they perpetuate consciously#definitely not getting the impression that this is what you’re describing#i do not have the time or energy today to unpack this paragraph for paragraph so i will leave this reply as it is#i would absolutely do so to point out what i think is wrong cause i don’t believe you have ill intent#but alas i’m extremely busy at the moment#there’s been a very strange uptick in people word vomiting their takes into my inbox and jesse’s inbox for approval or disapproval#then seething when we (especially her) do not take hours out of our day to pick apart and analyze every point made in the message#y’all are so entitled to our time and energy and if we do not give it you lash out and call us rude and dismissive#claiming we don’t want to play ball with you and that this means we do not care for the input of others#we’re grown adults with tumblr blogs and analyze this game as a hobby#we don’t work for nemlei#to clarify this absolutely does not apply for those who respectfully ask for our thoughts and wait patiently for our replies#but point being we have jobs and responsibilities and time and energy consuming lives outside of tcoaal fandom tumblr#and sorry y’all but i can’t grade essays like a college professor and offer lengthy feedback in response#if you’re just ranting in response to something i’ve posted that’s perfectly fine cause i don’t have to give more food for thought#issue is when you drop a take that reads like a whole new post you may as well drop in the tcoaal tags#there’s not even a question in here and i can’t even tell if this is directed at me or… everybody
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“People talk about grief as emptiness, but it's not empty. It's full. Heavy. Not an absence to fill. A weight to pull. Your skin caught on hooks chained to rough boulders made of all the futures you thought you'd have.”
All Our Wrong Todays, Elan Mastai
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ok but also genuinely. how can she say she loves me for 2 montsh and then break it off with 'im not feeling an emotional connection'. is she aware she even started it.
#bro initiated our entire relationship and then leaves me with 'yeah sorry i dont feel an emotional connection' WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!!#and over facetime of all things. as if we werent about to be on campus again within a week#ok i dont think she ever did anythign wrong other than the ft i will never be ok about this like bro at least break up with me in PERSON!!!#how are you gonna facetime me to break up KNOWING we were about to get back to campus....#sorry im in a mood today#but honestly ive been so good about her i swear i think finals & the dread of going home is making my head spin#sunny rambles
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#i feel like i'm never really here lately and i feel sorry#i only visit in the evening reblog a bunch of pretty things and i leave#but i'm just so fucking tired work is hell my manager has been sick for two weeks now and she's not coming back yet#and i am at work all the fucking time#but she's really sick like she literally had to go to the hospital and it's pretty bad and we talk every day and she's always crying becaus#she feels guilty#because our boss is a fucking idiot and he's mad at her and he thinks she's just pretending#and i am at work all the time for so many hours every day and i'm tired#and i want it all to be over#and i'm waiting for the news because i had a job interview a few days ago and maybe MAYBE it will work out#but i am just so tired#so exhausted#like my boss called today and told me to clean the floor in the evening and i usually do that in the morning but NO APPARENTLY ITS WRONG NO#and this made me so fucking mad i almost started crying#because. i. am. just. so. damn. tired.#please i wanna die#[i say whatever and whatever that i want]
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is the guilt over even minor and unimportant things supposed to haunt you no matter what and make you feel afraid to ever exist publicly again and hang like a procession of albatrosses around you
#fragvents#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. sorry we've been unstable today#we're stupid and a failure and all our opinions are wrong and we should just go curl up somewhere dark. sorry
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It's actually kind of heartbreaking how many people feel their life has ended right after high school or college, and honestly, the heavy romanticization of that period of time is so overwhelmingly predominant that it can be hard to avoid. It's insidious to constantly be told that ages 10-24 are the only worthwhile parts of life, that everything after is essentially meaningless and dull.
It's hard not to look around you and think that your life still is open and full of potential when you're told over and over again that the rose-tinted childhood is the last time you were alive. It's hard to realize that your life isn't over when you walk off the stage of your graduation.
We must realize that we will always be full of potentials. Your life won't be over until you take your final breath, and then? That's simply another chapter in your story, one of many. Let yourself realize that you're alive in the here and now. There will be good and bad, but never a complete loss of potential or hope.
#positivity#it's just... weird when you see somebody your age who says how over their life feels you know?#and i feel for them. i feel their pain and the emptiness of not knowing what's next or what you should do#and that's sometimes the scary part of life. but your story isn't over yet#one day it will be. one day you'll put the pen down and dry the ink on the yellowed pages and close your book of life. but that's not today#you are allowed to be an aimless spirit. you are allowed to breathe in without the crushing weight of productivity#the idea that your only potential happens when you're too young to realize it is wrong#your potential has nothing to do with feeling your youth and how little you know#it is hard to really internalize this and remind yourself to make space for hope and positivity...#...and you might not be ready to internalize this. that's okay. i'll wait with you (in a strictly spiritual sense)#we can wait together and not think about any of it. just to rest and collect our minds and feel the world hold its breath with us#all this to say that your life isn't over yet. you don't have to beat yourself up over not having lived at fucking 18#allow yourself the compassion to realize that you needed time to grow and mature and explore the world in your own way
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my uni doing damage control regarding palestinian protests is insane shit
like you did not have to lock the doors to our building for a march?? they left in less than 10 minutes and you just decide to lock us inside/outside for hours...literally no one felt unsafe and you sending a letter saying that is bs.
we feel unsafe from the police who beat these protestors up NOT the protestors.
#some of my coursemates went outside during a break in our seminar and weren't allowed back in...all their stuff just inside the building#my teacher was cheering the protestors on from our class window#you can never go wrong with a he/they teacher mwahhaha i love them sm#there was a protest on monday too where people went inside an uni building but like uhh i don't think that warrants police to beat them up#sorry today has been a HUGE yap day for me because i'm genuinely flabbergasted on what a day it's been from the moment i woke up#safety safety yap yap i felt pretty safe considering those are OUR UNI STUDENTS PROTESTING#edgar yap sess
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The chaotix crummy kitchen

It may break several health codes and contain 36 unique molds, but it's home <3
#sonic#espio the chameleon#team chaotix#vector the crocodile#charmy bee#sonic the hedgehog#sth#my art#just got our sonic cookbook today#if you think any of them have a domestic bone in their body u just ....so wrong#they immune to all foodborne diseases
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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nothing as erotic as being told ur lead got corrected for how they treated u yesterday. im ok now.
#⸻ ₊˚ʚ delete this. ₊˚✧#── ♡ ❝ i can bring the sex appeal. ( ooc )#I fuckin knew it. i knew she was wrong#the fact she ran to our manager today since she was back.#😒😒😒#but manager said she (lead) was wrong. no penalties for me. ik that's right.#i fight for myself so often here im surprised when im heard#significantly calmed knowing my manager corrected it all. ugh. UGH. thank u
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