#although it WOULD be pretty interesting if everyone had to learn the different terms from every era and culture

[infiniteglitterfall]

Ok, but counterargument: I very much want to know how people described themselves, and discover all the beautiful queer identities that have been suppressed.

And at the same time, gender and sexuality are inherently imprecise, personal, amorphous things. Static and precise are kind of impossible standards.

The way someone describes theirs depends not only on where and when they live, but also on what's common locally; on their subcultures and intersecting identities; on where they are in their journey; and on how much they think their audience will understand.

(Like how people who are bi or ace will often just say we're gay, or queer, or not straight, if it means avoiding having to answer awkward questions or do a 101-level presentation on the spur of the moment.)

People have often argued that we can't use "ahistorical" queer terms to refer to anybody in the past. Because We Don't Know What They Would Have Called Themselves. Or because they thought about sex and gender differently and used different terms - or had no terms that we know of.

And it seems like such a false dichotomy.

I think we need to use all of it. Any cool words and descriptions they used themselves, and any modern terms for groups with similar experiences today.

Not either/or! Both/and!

Also: The "we don't know if they..." discourse often ends up being used to say, "This historical figure we thought had a fixed binary identity, a cis straight-or-gay man-or-woman, can't have been trans, or aro, or bisexual! Because they didn't have those terms back then, and we don't know if they would identify that way!"

And it's literally never used to say, "Heterosexuality was only conceived of and coined in the 1800s, so we can't call people before then straight."

I don't think it's a coincidence that it's the least binary identities that get subjected to the most binary rules about language.

The problem with applying modern queer labels to historical people is not only that those labels didn't exist at that time but also that the labels used today just aren't very static or precise anyway.

Let queer people of the past have their own queer identities. <3

[vqrtualheartss]

"𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖" — 𝑬42 𝑴𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒙 𝑭𝒆𝒎!𝑩𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

ᴅ☆ᴇ'ꜱ ꜱᴀʏ|

Do not question why the time is going so fast part two

Yes, your friends are low-key bimbos but they book n street smart

Y'all I'm so happy that my page is growing 🥹 I love y'all fr

—Warnings: I have never been outside this country so I am NOT familiar with Brooklyn slang., Use of N word —hence why the title says it's for black readers

𝓘𝓷𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓭𝓾𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 | Throughout Brooklyn Visions you were known as 'antisocial' —always wearing a mask even after the end of COVID, never at a party or a school function, 'dead socials', and the one that seals the deal: never seen with a boy.— Truth is you weren't even like that, up in that school the way everyone thinks is basically copied and pasted and not in a good way. It wouldn't take much to be viewed differently and not being too interested in interacting with almost anybody, you just kept to yourself. And no, this isn't some typical white highschool movie where you're bullied and apart of some loser, nerd squad, if anything it was far from that. Y'know those pretty, melanin-queen it-girls? Yeah, that's your crew, don't get it twisted though, you weren't some 'accessory friend' used by them —you we're just as pretty if not more— but you've seen how guys treat pretty girls in comparison to those "average" and who would want to be with someone like that? Definitely not you

It was the day before the mid-term break and your friends —Shadae, Nia, Kiara and Lailah— were nowhere to be found. Coming to the conclusion that they were at a party being held for whatever reason an exasperated sigh left your body closing your locker. "So that's really what they doing now? It's their lives soo if they don't care why should I?"

The sun's rays barely illuminated the hallway being hid behind clouds, playing into the gloomy theme. Walking through the large, empty spaces, head held straight going to your third/fifth class, you noticed someone staring at you through your peripheral vision—Miles Morales. A little introduction on him, he was apart of a group basically the male version of yours, minus you. Girls gushed at him, sliding notes into his locker and stuff, typical party animal, you heard through rumours that he hooks up with a new girl every other week. One would think it's false news cause that sounds absolutely atrocious but they came prepared with receipts ―But even those could be made up― and to no surprise, there were girls wanting to be one of his bi-weekly flings. Come to say though, it was a little weird how his gaze situated on you as you walked but you decided to brush it off as nothing. There's no way you could see yourself interacting with him. Ever.

In class

Since it was the last day so far all teachers gave a free period. As usual, you remained silent scrolling through whatever the media had to offer, even though having admitted that it was a boring ritual, you refrained to do otherwise. Time passed and the bell rung with you not wasting a second getting out the door, stuff already packed.

Moving along the steps going down to the next classroom, the deafening screech of the intercom went off as the minority of students covered their ears including yourself waiting for it to end, seeing a person take down their hands, everyone did too before the announcement went off.

"Attention students and staff: In light of the reduced teaching activities and productive learning for the day, we have made the decision to conclude school early. We believe that providing you with this extra time will allow you to enjoy a well-deserved break. Make the most of this unexpected opportunity and enjoy your extended free time!"

The halls erupted with cheers, laughter and talking as people made their way outside the school, although intending to head straight home, a few necessary stops to some stores had to be made before doing so. Heading out, you opened the phone still in your hand to make a list of things that came up to mind

Braiding hair

Gummy Wax

Bonnet

More coconut watrdf

"The fuck?" The words slipped from my mouth under a whisper at the sudden jolt of my body -can't even write a list in this school-, looking back I saw someone holding onto my arm, stopping me from going outside. It was Miles, -what could he ever want from me?- my eyebrow lifted, "hm?" "Sorry, I just wanted to talk to you" he released his hand off my body, leaning on a locker with his bag hanging off his shoulder "Um okay, about what?" I crossed my arms, noticing his eyes widened slightly before returning to their natural, slightly seductive state. "You actually talk?" "Nope" Trying to escape, he caught onto my hand, our eyes piercing into the others before he added "Alright that one was my fault, but I just wanted to ask if you're doing alright"

I glanced over his shoulder, searching for his friends, a camera, or any signs of people giggling, this had to be some sort of prank. Finding nothing, I gave in -one conversation can't hurt right?- "Yea I am, why do you ask?" "I didn't see your friends- wait" he tilted his head towards the door, hinting for us to go outside "You ain't tryna be seen with me or you good right here? " I looked around the room, dragging a hand down my face acknowledging the little clusters of people staring. Facing him again, I nodded and together we made our way out.

"So where we going first? Am I getting punk'd? I saw the lil' list you had" Rubbing his palms together, he anticipated my response as we crossed the road. Using my hand as a sun blocker, I squinted before answering

"You're very nosy and I will be-" "We" I stood taking a good look at the boy, blinking slowly. Realizing that he didn't plan on going anywhere else I caved in, "We will be going to the hair supply store first" he smiled at my renewed sentence.

"His dimples are cute- " "Nah shut the fuck up actually." "But he is though"

Shaking away the thoughts going back and forth with themselves, I focused my attention back to Miles who was already looking at me. To be fair, I was still skeptical of the sudden interactions and wanting to waste no one's time, I went straight toward my point. "What do you want? If you want something with one of my friends I can give it to you y'know" I kid you not when I say that this boy burst out laughing.

He held a hand at his chest before we stopped walking "That's what you think of me f'real?" I shrugged replying "That's what I think of most of them" I made a popping noise with my mouth, his hands digging deeper into the jacket's pockets. A playful smirk dancing on his face as he bit his lip, he was fine and I'm sure he knew it― Girl, no

Still standing, I continued. "Word in the street says that you copping a new chick every two weeks" he narrowed his eyes as I loosened my bag straps. "I be in the streets everyday and I never heard that" crossing his arms, he sent me a jest-filled glare before continuing " and how YOU hearing what's going on in these streets Miss Mysterious?" He pointed at me in the middle of his sentence to which I scratched my neck nervously with my index finger, avoiding any eye contact. Finishing his sentence he urged for my response with a "huh?" before looking down at me with half closed eyes, still chewing on his bottom lip

Counting on my fingers, I started to explain myself "Okay one, I don't gossip but the friends I hang around do and I have working ears, so what? And number two, I have a name sir" "Are you going to tell me it?" "It's (y/n)" "Well, (y/n) to answer your first question. Your crew? Nah, they okay but you though, you caught my eye. And I ain't trying to serve up that 'you're unique' cliché but real shit, that's what got me wanting to talk with you" "Okay I'm sure I'm not that interesting" my hands now rested on the curve of my hips, blankly looking at Miles who couldn't seem to take his eyes off of me. "Let me be the judge of that, tell me more about you"

I shook my head as I went to approach the other side of the pole he was on, worst mistake . He yanked me by my bag, dragging me over to his side as he stared at me with wide eyes "we don't do that shit around here" he extended his hand , pointing to the path infront him.

I looked back at him in disbelief, my eyes and eyebrows being the only features to express my astonishment, looking at my half expression, he laughed. "My bad, just please use your sense next time" "You talk too much, we need to get going" he raised his hands in defense "Alright ma'am" I rubbed my temple smiling underneath my mask, my lips making some type of imprint beneath it

Walking there was pretty interesting, getting bombarded with questions about myself and not about my friends. It was the first time I'd actually had a conversation with someone outside my circle, and you know what? It wasn't half bad. I found myself laughing and smiling at something that wasn't some dumb cat falling and it was quite nice.

Approaching the door and opening it, I joked "Ladies first" "Oh so you got jokes now? Guess I'm rubbing off on you" Rolling my eyes whilst walking inside, he wiped away an imaginary tear entering the store behind me. Taking a quick stroll through the aisles I saw Miles taking up some stuff too —some combs, wax, and a durag—

Shopping didn't go so smooth for me though, being stuck between three colours to choose from —1B, 30 and 350—."What's up?" Standing clueless, Miles came over to my area, positioning himself beside me, waiting for me to say something. Raising my hands with the braiding hair before slapping them on my thighs lightly, I complained "I can't choose" Taking the hair from my hands he started to put each one beside my head before speaking "You'd look like a doll in this one, go for it"

While he returned the hair back to their original positions except the one he picked —which was colour 30— I raised my eyebrows, internally questioning his choice of words before speaking up "you have such a smooth mouth don't you?" Crossing my hands as I gave him a mild, sidelong glance traced with amusement that turned into confusion when he placed his hand atop his head, biting his lip. "I woke up Chris Breezy, oh my God I'm the man" Mouth agape, I dragged a hand over my mask to stifle the laughter "Alright cool cool I get it, you spit lyrics like that. Get up" "shoulda known it's been that way, now let's go. We have more stuff to buy" He took two more packs of hair before we walked over to the cashier — the place where I had to find out how stubborn this boy is—

"Let me pay for it" "No, it's my stuff. I'm more than fine paying"

The cashier cleared her throat, annoyed at our 5-minute long bickering

"Oh sorry, here-" I shuffled inside my bag for my purse, completely oblivious to whatever Miles was doing "Here" "Thank you" I looked up hearing the cashier's words, completely shocked that Miles Morales, a 17 year old just handed the woman a black card. It must be nice.

Bagging the items he turned to face me, "See, I told you I'll pay" "Here, I'll pay you-" "No, think of it as.. a us becoming friends gift, plus we have more things to buy so save up"

Stretching my mouth underneath my nose I teased "Who said we're friends" he deadpanned while handing me my own bag with items "Don't play with me. I know your favourite colours, music, food, and more. I'm real friend material" I laughed at his reaction, not to mention his remix on the "real wifey material" part.

But he was right though, we had more places to be, taking out my phone to check the updated list we comprised together, glancing at the time, I cursed 4:48 PM. "Shit um, I really have to go home. Bye, and thank you" my words dragged themselves louder as I ran down the road waving at him frantically.

You hurried along your usual route back home, "Why the rush?" Well, the aim was to snag a 5 PM package. It might sound like a flimsy excuse to part ways with Miles knowing that girls would kill you in the armor of envy for him, but the package would be returned to facility if not claimed and who wants to wait months again? He'd understand. After securing the package you went home, fortunately enough it started to rain, the pattering of the droplets masking the sound of your attempts sneaking into your room to avoid any confrontation from your parents.

Usually when it rained you found the atmosphere peaceful— having been in a night gown with your bonnet on— but this time, it felt different. For some unknown reason you couldn't shake Miles off your mind—the sensual energy that radiated from him, his seductive stare he always wore or the husky laughs that echoed between you two— Everything about him was alluring, slowly drawing you in and you did not like it.

Miles, on the other hand didn't suppress his feelings, having to physically wipe the smiles and cut the laughter he created each time he thought about you. Ironic enough, he hadn't a clue what it was about you that had him this way. Shit, he doesn't even know how you look. He was sure of however, what it would take to even have a chance at holding your hand given the rumours that you've heard about him, but he was hell-bent on giving it a try.

[tenok]

Still fuming about «Crowley’s so queer it makes Aziraphale looks straight» take. I saw some people saying «queer is not a political identity» as an argument against it... and actually I disagree. Queer is an identity that’s as much about politics and community as is about gender and orientation. «Queer as in fuck you» indeed! And while I’m pretty sure that if you’ll ask Aziraphale he will say that he’s queer because mentally he still in times where it was term preferred by community as whole (or he’ll say that «gay» is his gender because he still links gender and orientation together and it’s a habit thats hard to break), I’ll argue that he’s definitely queer by definition. And I won’t say that one of them more or less queer, I want to vomit just from thinking this, but he and Crowley definitely different flavors of queer; and the point is community.

See, the Crowley we see is not the very community-oriented being. He despises angels and demons alike, he’s not close with humans, through whole series we saw him connected with Aziraphale, maybe Warlock, Shadwell to some point and only as a subordinate he’s not really interested in (Aziraphale actually remembered all the names of soldiers Shadwell pulled from his ass, on the other hand [book, also in script if I remember correctly]). But for Aziraphale community is the whole deal. He links himself to communities: community of book collectors, for example ([in book at least]), community of angels (even in season two he regretfully said that he misses reporting back to his lot), as soon as he put his roots there he become part of British and specifically London community (immediately clocked as British by everyone, for better or for worse). And he’s clearly consider himself and considered by others as part of queer community. For example:

He’s clocked as specifically effeminate gay man (which is part of queer umbrella oh my god stop misuse of political slogans gay are not some kind of others that are lesser for being gay!!!) by everyone, to the point of getting called homophobic slurs (twice in book, once in series) and being targeted by literal Nazis. He’s not arguing or denying, he reclaims it: he’s not calling himself gay, he’s proudly declaring that he’s THE southern pansy (not very «hurray establishment» of him hmmm?). He looks so gay and safe that cemetery man from season 2 doesn’t see a problem in telling him he uses grindr!

Tied to this: he can present as anyone else, he chooses to look soft, gay, effeminate, he chooses to make silly sounds and flamboyant gestures, and as soon as he gets comfortable he likes to go a little campy (can you imagine Crowley in ribbons and frills? do we see male-presenting Crowley in pink silky shoes? would he fight to the death before you put him into pencil-drawen moustache and bright cape with shiny starts? yes he’s GNC! there’s more then one way to be GNC and one is not better then other because it’s in black and sexy!). I’ll argue that him choosing one comfortable presentation and stick to this is no less groundbreaking by heavens standards then «hoarding all the genders» since he’s not treats his corporation as «meat suite», he really had an identity tied to it!

And using this identity he becomes part of 100 guineas club. Part of gay/queer (it was in times where this distinction was meaningless) community with fellow queers, where he learned queer ways, such as dances, becoming part of queer culture as a whole (and should I remind you that back in days drag was mandatory part of such clubs? if we measuring queerness by how close it to cross-dressing apparently). He also collects literature by queer authors, immersing himself in this culture, again. Do I remember correctly that Oscar Wilde gifted him one of his books specifically? So we can safely assume he hangs with queer authors as well? Correct me if it’s not in canon (I’m freely mixing tv and book canon there btw although usually I treat them as two different things)

He also lives in Soho. He specifically chooses to live there, knowing perfectly well what a neighborhood it is (even back in 1600s it already had a Reputation). He knows what it says about him and he aims for it! (Crowley lives in Mayfair because it says something about him too — remember that while Aziraphale constructed himself around being soft and gay, Crowley intentionally made himself look as irrating rich asshole. If this asshole has vibes of sinister gay that would gladly corrupt you if you ask nicely, that’s another story) He is a part of this community! As a word of god, he: speaks Polari freely because he used it… with other queers (as oppose to Crowley that knows «bits» because he hangs out with criminals); he hide incriminating things from fellow Soho residents back when there were police raids (breaking law to help those in need is reacurring theme with him!). He still part of this community, he knows people, people knows him, he literally gives place to lesbian women for free so she can have her dream shop (supporting your local queer business!) (also great call back to Edingurg minisode! Aziraphale, personal saint of broke lesbians!)

I’ll also argue that letting in first Gabriel and next Muriel was a very queer of him. Queers help other queers: he may not like Gabriel, but «he has no other friends» (and he's homeless after being kicked out from heavens after disaster forbidden love affair with other queer being, hmmm? paralleles with reality of being queer much?), so he steps in. And Muriel, while being the same age as those two (we're NOT child-coding Muriel in this house), vibes as queer youth in needs of guidance, and Aziraphale, that had every right to be suspicious and cold to them, immediately lets them into safety of his shop and tries to be nice and supporting in both older queer and older ND cousin way.

So, in conclusion: Aziraphale is a queer being, that likes to make it clear that he’s queer and queer GNC man specifically; he’s part of queer community for at least couple hundred of years, participant in queer culture, and he watches out for other queers, helping his own as much as he can, using his money and other resources and breaking law to do so when needed. What there can make him look straight even as a joke?

Crowley is absolutely a queer being too, in very queer love with other queer being, and I'm sure he has a blast pocking into rules and boundaries of genders, orientations and all kinds of relationships since he loves questioning and testing so much. He also has a cool rebellious aesthetic and «fuck all» attitude, so it’s understandable that he becomes tumblrs queer icon (and being played by David Tennant helps for sure). But if you ask them both where’s local shelter for homeless queers located, one of them will have an answer and it won’t be a Crowley, or he wouldn’t sleep in his car (I'm joking), and this is as much of the part of being queer as having cool aesthetic or being kicked from home (I'm joking again). And it's a shame that some people want to make a competention out of it, because it gives us infinity possibilities to discuss their different experiences and choices, down to what their respective aesthetic choices says about them, and how they can use their strong sides to support each other! But alas.

[alwayschasingrainbows]

Hi- I was just wondering what are your thoughts and feelings about Ruby Gillis' death? Did you like it in terms of the plot or would you rather she had lived? Why do you think LMM chose to kill her off and do you believe it made the story better/worse? 🫶🏾

Thank you very much for this interesting question and I'm sorry it took me so long to answer...

Well, Ruby's death... Maybe I'll start by saying that I perceive this scene in a completely different way now, as an adult, than I did as a child, when I read it for the first time. At that time, this fragment seemed to me... tragic and sad, of course, but also beautiful and sublime. With my overly dramatic nature (and, worth noting - not knowing anything about real loss back then), I obviously romanticized the whole description and wept tragically (even though it wasn't without the kind of... delight that comes with reading about tragedy when somebody feels quite sure that it was just fictional and would never happen in real life), over Ruby's cruel fate.

Because, there was Ruby - a beautiful, young woman who became even more beautiful during her illness, whose death gave meaning and depth that she lacked in life. Ruby, who (at the time, when I was judging her with my ten-year-old wisdom), seemed shallow and silly to me because she giggled and chatted only about boys.

Of course, I looked at the whole situation through Anne's eyes - with Anne's noble ideals and dreams that were in no way focused on men. To ten-year-old me, pre-illness Ruby was the type of girl I couldn't understand and therefore - I believed, unworthy of my attention. Pre-illness Ruby just was. I fully agreed with Anne and Diana that Ruby's thoughts and dreams were petty, even a bit ridiculous. Maud herself described her in a rather mocking way: as an exaggerated, pretty girl, who looked very ordinary compared to sublime and subtle Anne.

But, ill Ruby... who suddenly became ethereal, delicate, tragic... Ruby, who realized too late that she should have been thinking about the high and the glorious, instead of focusing on the unimportant. Ruby, who was afraid of death - not of pain, but of not knowing the other world, because, in her earthly life, she focused on everyday matters: clothes, admirers, fun, instead of perfecting her mind and soul. And Anne, who - while looking at the face of the dead Ruby - came to the conclusion that she had to live differently, not focusing on the present, but striving for higher goals. Yes, when I read this scene as a child, I was moved by its dramatic beauty.

However, now, although I naturally recognize Maud's literary skill, my emotions - and approach to Ruby as a character - are completely different.

First of all, I realize that Ruby was still very young - she had every right to be a little silly, a little flirty, a little fun-loving. Because, deep inside, Ruby was looking for love - the way most people look for it, through experience, learning from their mistakes. The truth is, finding love looks like this for most of us. Not everyone can have their own Gilbert Blythe, who'd wait for them for years upon years and never look at another.

Ruby was only eighteen when she got sick - nineteen when she died - and Heaven knows, most people do not know what they want from life at this age. So, being a little flippant should be excused - both Anne and Diana were different of course, but it doesn't mean that all girls were. Maud wrote about all kinds of girls: clever or silly, serious or funny, ambitious or flippant, pretty or ugly. And the message, in later books, seems clear: all of them can change for better.

Ruby was full of life, joy, carefree. In a way, she reminded me about pre-war Rilla. She wasn't like Anne, at least on the outside. But... deep down they were a bit similar. Ruby said what Anne would think years later: that she wanted love, marriage and children.

In a way, I am quite certain that older Anne understood Ruby better than she understood Christine (a woman who decided not to have children and spoke freely about it). Anne, deep down, also yearned for home and family of her own - and although she didn't know it, she already loved Gilbert.

During the last conversation with Anne, Ruby confessed that she finally fell in love with a man who loved her. The moment she spoke about wanting to live, I realized the whole tragedy. Here was a girl who would soon have to cross the border between life and death, just as her womanhood was about to start. She was scared of unknown... and sorry for the life she could have had - should have had - the life that she was losing. I was surprised with Anne's answer: "Why would you be scared, dear?". Why wouldn't she be? The point of religion is not knowledge - it is a belief. Even if Ruby spent her nineteen years of life feverishly devoted to the church, with her eyes fixed on the sky, all her thoughts as pure as snow, she still would have had every right to be scared.

I believe that - by her death - Ruby became a symbol and a warning for the readers (especially - for young girls). A symbol of life that ended too soon; of dreams that never had a chance to become a reality; of a girl, whose joyful, flippant existence was going to become forgotten as soon as she was buried. Because... what did people talk about after Ruby's funeral? That she was "the handsomest corpse of Avonlea"? That she had been laid in a "splendid white velvet casket"? That she had a beauty that "spirit had never shone through it, intellect had never refined it."?

In a way, Ruby was just as much of a symbol as Walter was; a life that might have been: "But death had touched it and consecrated it, bringing out delicate modelings and purity of outline never seen before—doing what life and love and great sorrow and deep womanhood joys might have done for Ruby." (Anne of The Island).

So - Ruby might have become wiser, more mature with age, love, marriage, life. But instead, she had to leave the world innthe golden hour of her teens.

And, Ruby's death is a warning, too - which is seen, again, through Anne's eyes. To Anne, it might be seen as a milestone, that made her realize that she had to set her sight on something bigger than everyday life. "Life held a different meaning, a deeper purpose. On the surface it would go on just the same; but the deeps had been stirred. It must not be with her as with poor butterfly Ruby. When she came to the end of one life it must not be to face the next with the shrinking terror of something wholly different—something for which accustomed thought and ideal and aspiration had unfitted her. The little things of life, sweet and excellent in their place, must not be the things lived for; the highest must be sought and followed; the life of heaven must be begun here on earth." (Anne of The Island).

It is worth mentioning how Ruby had died - and when. Ruby, who loved dancing, died at her sleep, peacefully, when all of her friends were at the party. "The next night the A.V.I.S. gave a farewell party to Jane Andrews before her departure for the West. And, while light feet danced and bright eyes laughed and merry tongues chattered, there came a summons to a soul in Avonlea that might not be disregarded or evaded." (Anne of The Island). It is such an irony that Ruby - the liveliest and prettiest of Avonlea girls - would die alone, while her friends were having fun. On the other hand (although it was not mentioned in the book), maybe she danced her way out of life, led by the joyful sounds of music, just as she danced her way through life?

As @no-where-new-hero-hero said once - Anne's series has a very strong religious tone - much stronger than the rest of Montgomery's books. Perhaps this is due to the fact that these were the first novels Montgomery had written and she wanted to make sure her young readers knew that religion was an extremely important issue in their lives, and faith - the meaning of their existence?

And here this moral is very clearly visible. Montgomery seems to be saying: "Ruby should have thought about eternity, not only about everyday life - and we have to, as well. We do not know when the end of our earthly journey will come and we should live our lives in such a way as to prepare for life outside the world we know and not be afraid of crossing the border."

I believe that most of the death of Montgomery's books meant something: Ruby's - the consequence of not seeing "the highest" and living day by day; Walter's - he cruelty of war and the sacrifice; Douglas Starr's - a tragedy of a father who knew that he wouldn't be able to watch his daughter grow up; Beautice Burnley's - the end of joyful, flippant existance and the consequences such life might have had on one's children.

I am not sure if I enjoyed the religious tone of Ruby's death scene - although I must say it was beautifully and splendidly written. As for a Ruby as a character, of course I wish she had lived. She had so much ahead of her - so much to look forward to. She deserved to live her life - it shouldn't have ended so soon, so abruptly. But then - Montgomery's aim was to put a moral in her story - and Ruby's example fitted perfectly, for this purpose (or at least I am pretty certain that Montgomery thought so).

It is a little difficult to say if it made a story better or worse; on one hand, it was well-written and touching, on the other - I don't enjoy the way Maud tried to push her own way of thinking into the reader's head. I also believe that we ought to be less strict with Ruby - and young girls in general. Youth should have been allowed its silliness - flippancy - mistakes, even back then. It was what made them grow and gain experience.

In my opinion, Ruby's death was Montgomery's message to the young people: "Don't focus only on here-and-now. You need to seek the eternity, too." I suppose that the message itself would be beautiful to some people, disagreeable to others. I am not sure which category I belong to, if I am honest.

Thank you again for your lovely question!

[danieyells]

Re: Towa observations

I mean my opinion on him is more or less the same? I love him and finding out that he actually used to be even worse in terms of his aggression towards anomalies and he's a fucking murder suspect and he is so mean to Ed just outright aggression and open disdain. . .I love him so much he's secretly so cruel and mean and hides it behind love and whimsey which isn't faked at all, he's just very. . .like that? He's not trying to hide it either he's just multifaceted in that way. We learn that love--for who? For what? From who or what?--made him decide to be more tender towards things that are weak and small, whereas he was the opposite before, and then we turn around and learn oh by the way he may have killed somebody actually. The fact that he's even a suspect kind of enforces how cruel he used to be--and the pc dismisses it so quickly despite seeing how brutal Towa can be for themself? Like yeah he's nice but he killed like 20 anomalies in one go with like 0 effort. He could easily commit at least manslaughter.

When we were introduced to Ultio and they were explained as basically being the house that acted as prison guards for dangerous anomalies Darkwick was holding, I quickly headcanoned that Towa had originally been placed there and was transferred to Jabberwock after the Clash and the dissolution of Ultio. Ed revealing that Towa was actually crueler last time he saw him and he's gentler because of love only reinforced that theory--that means he didn't have that love before and his ambition could have been totally different when he enrolled. Yeah he probably had that interest in romance, but his ambition for being in the academy probably wasn't a Jabberwock one if he's behaving completely differently in some major aspect. . . .

As for the observations, they're mostly the same although I'm pretty sure the tree is good now, or it's not bad or harmful. It likely represents the state of things in Darkwick itself in some way, and the constant conflicts are killing it? It has one glowy ball for each house(or, 9 glowy balls and one dull one. Clementia, perhaps?) including the defunct ones. Towa himself probably doesn't fully realize the importance of the tree, but he's also one of the only people who can see it. Everyone else just sees the hill, but not the tree on it, I think.

While I think historically Towa may have had even more violent tendencies, I no longer have thoughts of him potentially being the spy at the moment, unless the spy turns out to not be working for Darkwick but something else(demons or anomalies or something.) Towa has his own whole thing going on. We're not getting the whole Towa plot until like Season 4.

Now knowing his bloodtype now aligns with Ed(a vampire) and Lyca(a werewolf, however he doesn't like needles and refused his health check) so the missing blood type may be an inhumanity thing as first presumed, but it could also just be a "I am not letting the doctors touch me" thing lmao. I would absolutely believe Towa not letting someone come near him with a needle lolol. I figure if he really is a non-human anomaly he had such a negative relationship with Ed that they didn't wanna put them in the same house, so maybe Jabberwock was chosen to house him instead since they wouldn't have enough people after the general students were removed? Or they weighed his soul again.

A new-ish observation is that if Towa decides he doesn't like something he will just Stop Doing It. He went as far as Obscuary for the human-faced dog and decided he didn't like being in Obscuary and just decided to leave without the dog. Yes, Haru wanted him to bring it back. He loves Haru, he would love to do things to make him happy. He also does not care. He is going home. They can get a new dog. I say this is new-ish because the way he just throws wounded Haru around could be the same tendency here, just to an extreme, I guess?

I'm very excited to see who ended up doing this murder. I hope it's Towa. He deserves it. But yeah no real changes beyond 'I no longer suspect him of working with any enemies, he's doing whatever he wants and that happens to possibly be good for the island'

[wineaunt420]

I am interested in Oilslick lore now

EEEEEEEEEEEEE

Ok this is gonna be one hell of a post because it's just gonna be one huge info splurge of cannon Oilslick stuff and stuff I and others have created for him (I LOVE BRAINWASHING PEOPLE INTO LOVING MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS TEE HEE)

Ok so, Oilslick as we all know is a chemist that works with team chaar as their chemist (Ovi) he is the creator of Cosmic Rust and the reverse engineering virus which we see in one of the comics create the wrecker team. He also created Toxitron which is so cool. What I found most cool in in the allspark almanac we see that Oilslick had relations with a wrecker that was a white and blue version on blackout, basically. We can see that they were very close friends and possibly had a relationship?? From what Oilslick wrote about him. We also know that he was the first guy to knock Ratchet into next Thursday in the Issue #3 of the arrival comics before lockdown.

An old account that doesn't post anymore made a suggestion that Oilslick used to be a construction bot before he was a chemist, like way before the war and I thought that was quite a cool headcanon. I love his and Scalpels relationship, two crazy science guys doing crazy science together. I love that his Wiki says he has a "pretty face" which could suggest that Oilslick is quite attractive for a transformer (WHICH I AGREE WITH) So in terms of that we can take that Cybertronians do have a kind of beauty standard, what that is I don't know but I guess it could be like an interesting and unique body shape and sleek, interesting facial features and optic colours because Oilslick does have quite a special mold with his large nose and green optics (I'm using his toy design for reference here)

Speaking of his toy design, if you didn't know Oilslick was originally a toy exclusive character to begin with but the directors liked him so much they put him in the show. He was going to be introduced earlier into tfa like s2 and was originally going to be Prowls enemy but that role inevitably went to Lockdown. In the almanac it's said that Oilslick was originally also learning Circuit Sue and apparently trained with prowl but Cyclonus said he believed it was a lie due to Oilslick's deceptive nature. Which is crazy to say considering they are all Decepticons, what makes Oilslick so much more deceptive than everyone else 🤣🤣 he must have one slippery tongue.

Also I've seen alot of headcanons that he has his own little room on team Chaars ship just dedicated to all kinda of different plant species, cuz although he is best as chemistry he still loves the other respective Sciences. He'd probs call them his little plant babies and they would probably over run the whole ship at some point because he takes such good care of them they just start growing like wild (Queue Strika tripping over a ridiculously large vine or something).

There is so much more I wanna say but I don't wanna complete bombard you with a total geek out lmao because this post is already pretty hefty as it is 😭🤣

THANK YOU FOR THE OILSLICK ASK (And an excuse to geek out) 💖💖💖

[kobedivision]

Happy Pride Month!

Happy Pride Month! Be safe and have fun celebrating! You matter and who you love and who/what you identify matters too, you are completely and wholeheartedly valid. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖

In celebration, I decided to reveal the romantic and sexual orientation of Lovesick! I had to do quite bit of soul searching and research but I finally feel like this is the most accurate results I could come up with. Enjoy!

— Ren

Demiromantic Pansexual

In terms of romance and if he wasn’t a lovesick maniac, Ren is the type of person to develop romantic feelings for someone after securing a strong emotional connection to a person. Despite being a hopeless romantic, Ren is pretty guarded about the topic in no small part due to the many people who have tried to get with him only for his fame or to say that they’ve dated the famous “Vox”. He longs for the day where he’ll meet his darling who would love him as he is and not his stage persona, as for Ren himself, it’s been said before but the moment that he finally falls in love, he loves deeply and with everything he has, is it a bit much? Yes but he’s never been one to do things half assed, this is no different.

As for sex? Ren isn’t picky, gender means very little to him, especially when his best friend is a crossdresser so he has no problems sleeping around with guys, girls, non-binaires, etc. While he is passionate in the moment, those nights hold very little attachment to them, he dreams to have his darling so he can feel and show them true pleasure.

While it hasn’t been publicly confirmed, there’s no denying that Ren has more than just a “thing” for Kureha Koizumi of Saitama. After catching his eye at one of his shows, inviting her backstage to get to know her, and even having her work on the cover of one of his albums, it was all downhill from there, to say that he is obsessed is an understatement and he has been on the path on trying to make her his.

— Max

Demiromantic Graysexual

Truthfully, Max has little to no knowledge about romance and sex and the like and isn’t really interested to learn, the closest he’s gotten is from what Ren and Kaiji have been teaching him about love and sex respectively but even then he has had a hard time truly understanding. Max has been shown little love (whether romantic or platonic) in his life, so in turn, falling in love is very difficult aside from his obsession with a certain someone. If you want Max to fall in love with you then you are going to have to work painstakingly hard to earn his trust and really establish a connection with him, which the success rate is little to none, assuming you don’t get immediately decapitated.

As for sex, it’s the same with romance as Max has little to no interest in it, it’s even been speculated that he genuinely can’t feel sexual attraction but Kaiji, the only one who still has faith in him, claims that Max hasn’t found the “right person” yet. Max has no idea what he’s talking about but he just shrugs it off.

— Kaiji

Panromantic Omnisexual

What a person identify as doesn’t matter to Kaiji, being a man who dresses as a woman and publicly endorses the crossdressing lifestyle, he of all people knows that gender means nothing as long as you truly love someone no matter what. As long as someone gives him the love that he desperately craves, he will devote himself to be the best and most loyal partner ever. All he asks is that they don’t leave him, he can’t handle another break up.

In terms of sex, Kaiji will quite literally sleep with anyone and everyone, no matter the gender or what genitalia they have. Although it isn’t obvious, Kaiji is a sex addict, he uses it to reach bigger and more euphoric highs and has pretty much replaced his teenage drug addiction with sex (even though he just ends up combining the two). He’s developed a hypersexuality over the years and his already high libido is much stronger than most.

Despite being in a relationship with Touya Kisaragi of Katsushika, Kaiji’s sex drive has not gone down in the slightest, in fact you can say that it’s increased since getting into a relationship, however, out of love and respect for his boyfriend, he only sleeps with Touya to satisfy his urges but the two of them are open to sleep with others after confirming with each other that it’s okay.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

What would you suggest to read about Alchemy?

Honestly it depends what you want to know. Alchemy is a pretty vast field with some fascinating history, so the books about the history of the field, the philosophy of it or explanations of the actual recipes would be different ones.

Like, I'm no expert, but I read a lot (books and articles). Like, there's a reason the philosopher's stone is called that, Alchemy isn't only the practical application of purifying materials, but also a whole philosophy with many religious elements. There's a reason the motto of alchemists is Ora Et Labora (pray and work), the work being any alchemical process. The process of making the Philosopher's Ston specifically is referred to as "The Great Work" because it's the greatest work an alchemist could accomplish.

There are books about the psychological approach to Alchemy that is common in the modern outlook of Alchemy, but I didn't read any of them (Jung is the most well-known author of this idea). Basically, these books treat Alchemy as a psychological journey for the alchemist, and it was, the older books all mention the alchemists transform with their creations, but they also legitimately discovered elements and minerals and did proper lab work, so treating it as entirely psychological the way some modern scholars do/did kind of undermines Alchemy as the father of modern science that it is.

Also, the books I've read are all about Western Alchemy, since I'm not the most knowledgeable when it comes to Eastern alchemy. Although, many concepts are similar because everyone kind of copied from each other. Ancient Greek philosophy and the Islamic golden age had a lot to do with European Alchemy that we're familiar with. This is a lecture on YouTube about the history of Alchemy if you're interested.

Real Alchemy: A Primer of Practical Alchemy by Robert Allen Barllet is a good starting point. It's a modern book that covers both the philosophical aspects but also the practical application in lab work; an overall good overview of the field. He includes a lot of experts from medieval and Renaissance alchemical texts and the book is pretty short. I like this one a lot since it treats Alchemy as more than just a psychological journey but an actual art of science. It's also not some new-age witchcraft approach to Alchemy.

With Alchemy you can actually go to the sources as there are plenty of translations available for medieval and Renaissance Alchemy books. I should warn though that these older books are long. Like, some go over the 800 pages mark, so, be aware.

I have an English translation of the Book of Minerals by Albertus Magnus which is a 13th-century book that worked as a basis for many beliefs and philosophies in Alchemy in later periods. It covers philosophy, mineral alchemy, and astronomy (the Harry Potter kind, not the science kind, where you need to do certain Alchemical processes in accordance with certain star positions. Most Alchemy books actually talk about this).

Similarly, there's the Summa Perfectionis Magisterii by Pseudo-Geber, he has more books about Alchemy but this one is a summary that is considered the most in-depth summary of the discipline of Alchemy as understood in the 13th century (it was also written back then).

There is also Paracelsus and his various writings (none published in his lifetime) who was a pioneer in Alchemy in the 16th century. Many of the modern terms associated with Alchemy come from a movement based of Paracelsus' writing that came about after his death. Even Isaac Newton wrote about alchemy. It was the proto-science and it was all the rage among old academics.

Basically, there are plenty of old sources if you're willing to go to them, I didn't mention them all here because there is a lot. It's all really a matter of what specifically you want to learn, but the first book I mentioned, I think is the best starting point. I mean, I'm not close to reading everything I want to read when it comes to Alchemy, there's a lot out there.

[v3nusxsky]

Would you write a platonic Lesso X ever student!Reader fic?

R is autistic, and while nobody really is aware of what that means (since nobody has access to modern medicine), Lady Lesso picks up on it quicker since Nevers are trained to spit and see their enemy’s cues faster than they themselves do.

So when R has a breakdown or something, Lesso is the first to notice because she’s already picking up on the oddities. And from there it’s just her like bear hugging her or comforting her or something.

Oddball

*Authors note~ I'm going to base this off my eduction in this field and the fact I have a very special little fella in my life who is on the spectrum*

Trigger warnings~ Undiagnosed autism in fem r sensory overload?

Prompt~ see ask^^^

You always knew you were different from everyone else. It wasn't the usual difference of Never and Ever, although if that were the case you were considered to be on the side of the good. You found social situations difficult often not seeing the social cues which made it harder for you to make friends of any sort, that didn't bother you so much after all you much preferred your own company. You often tended to hyper fixate on subjects and you struggled to maintain eye contact. But being able to mask it rather well made it difficult for you be diagnosed with the little access to Morden medicine and newer medical terms.

As an ever, you were trained to be good and how to practically be a pretty princess. Never students were taught to spot the weaknesses in their enemies. That's how Lady Lesso could tell you weren't quite okay, a little oddball in the world of Nevers but far too sweet to be a Never. She saw how overwhelmed you become in social situations and how your obsessions would change every few months, your smile would light up when it was mentioned. Due to the schools merging it allows her more time to observe you.

You seemed okay, a little lonely but happy enough. Yet deep down you craved to be normal. Lesso wasn't the only one to notice your oddities, the Never students also saw how different you were. They would tease you and as much as it hurt you learned to accept it, after all the Ever students truly weren't much better.

One day you were having a meltdown, everything was extremely loud and bright and try as you might calming down wasn't working. You were shaking and overwhelmed as you attempted to breathe, the room spinning as you panicked. The students around you seemed to point and laugh at you which made things ten times worse. All you could do was curl up and rock yourself to try and self soothe yourself.

Lesso, was supervising when she spotted you with what is going on. She instantly made her way to you and crouched down to your level. "Lovely? Can I help you?" She murmured carful not to touch you or add anymore overwhelming actions to your situation. With a quick glare the students seems to disperse leaving just you and the Dean of Evil. You thought you'd be scared but truly you felt safe. You continued rocking yourself, gaze anywhere but her as your hands covered your ears in an attempt to combat everything. You even had your eyes shut and you were mumbling about your newest interest and asking for your weight blanket. Lesso wish she new what to do so she did the only think she knew how.

With a quick snap of her fingers your weighted blanket occurred and you instantly wrapped it around yourself, the weight already helping calm you down. It wasn't long before you were calm enough to notice her presence, "mm sorry I. Don't know what's happening" you mumbled, embarrassed really you tried so hard to mask your symptoms and only break down in the safety of your dorm, with all your safe comfort items. The fact you see apologising truly broke her heart. "You don't have to apologise my darling. If your feeling better we can go and find Clarissa?" She murmured before being interrupted by the Dean of good.

"Lesso? What has happened to my darling y/n?" She asked as she hurried over to kneel next to you both. Lesso explained how she had been watching you recently and you were having symptoms of a condition maybe not one this realm is aware of, perhaps it was time to reach out to Sophie and Agatha in Gavaldon. Maybe it was a condition in that realm. With a plan between you and the two Deans to reach out for more help you felt that maybe things would finally be a bit easier for you. Perhaps it was curable, perhaps not. But at least you'd know what was causing you to be the oddball of the school.

Word count~ 827

[hyperfixated-homo]

For your horror au, would Casey junior be in the cosmic horror with Donnie because of the whole Krang or would that be it’s own horror genre? (Sorry the only horror I know is psychological and that’s just with arg…) would hypno be the big bad of this world because of his hypnotic abilities? (Like that episode close don’t make the turtle)

Also since the gang have to keep going back and forth what if they found a way to mind melt and help one another? It might be more difficult or easy with Leo then, say Raph, but just a idea! And oooh slasher Mikey! Final girl, Mikey!! (That the term I think?) You think with him being into therapy he would be good for psychological…oh what if one day then end up switching horror?

Raph should totally take the creepy doll and give it a makeover…no mean ghost, but a pretty friend now!

I'm going to try to put as many characters as I can in different genres, so I don't think Casey would be cosmic horror. If I end up including him, I wanted to put him in apocalyptic horror (which I honestly only learnt is a thing a couple days ago)! That or if I put F!Leo in somewhere, I think that he would be apocalyptic horror, while Casey would represent alien horror in general.

I wasn't planning on having a "big bad" but honestly that's a really interesting idea. The idea of Hypno using his powers to make the turtles experience those sorts of horrifying events is... sort of terrifying. I kinda love it. I'm not sure that I'm going to use it though, since I'm leaning towards the horrors being a result of a family curse right now. Although, I think that if they ever had to fight him in this au, they would find him MUCH scarier than they do in canon.

Mind melding would be so much fun, but as you said, I don't think everyone would be able to do it. Imagine it as an angst point though? Later in the story, when they have all become closer, they learn that through their family bond, they are capable of reading each other's minds.

Mikey, who is the most connected to his ninpo, finds it the easiest, almost chattering in his brothers' brains by accident. With a bit of training, Raph learns how to do it too, opening up to them in a way that he doesn't feel he can usually. He finds it much easier to explain his thoughts when he doesn't have to say them out loud. Later, in the midst of a breakdown, possibly dissociating, Donnie mind melds with them too. He is incapable of speech but wants, needs them to understand how he feels.

The only one who could never connect is Leo.

It doesn't upset them, of course. Leo had always struggled with the more mystical side of his powers, unable to trust himself even in the heat of the moment to do what is right. It upsets him, though, because the issue isn't that he doesn't trust himself. He knows what that kind of blockade feels like, and he knows how to deal with it and move on.

He can't mind meld because he doesn't trust them, no matter how much he wants to or how hard he tries. And he doesn't even know where to start explaining that to his brothers.

Anyways, sorry for that little ramble. 10/10 concept though.

Slasher Mikey makes me very happy. I think he should get to stab people. Just a little. As a treat. :)

Also, the idea of them switching genres has passed my mind before. There are two ways that could go, the number 1 being that they find it sort of funny/boring because they don't actively fear those things, or... they come out with more scars than they came in with.

ALSO for that last point. If the turtles ever end up processing their trauma and learning to vibe with their universes instead of actively fearing them, I would absolutely love to make them just chill with their respective monsters. Raph getting to play with the ghosts. Mikey getting advice from a serial killer. Donnie getting an extraterrestrial pet. It would be AMAZING.

Thank you for the ask, this was really fun to answer aslkjdalkjdsa.

[reveregret]

Hi! I read through everything, not sure how to incorporate fester or lichen but I figured I should either way, I had a ton of questions about you if that's okay because I've rarely met other people who I relate to on their posts, my immediate question being how did you come to terms with your obsessive feelings? Hope that's okay, have a great day either way :p

oh, hello! you're totally welcome to ask all that you'd like, i'm happy to answer. i usually take a while to write everything out, but i'll do my best. thanks for reading through including those words, too, even if you weren't sure how. i appreciate it!

the idea of "coming to terms" with my obsessive feelings is definitely an interesting way to put it. i can tell you some of the story of how i've realised and dealt with it, but i'm still working on finding peace with it. this turned out pretty long, and i'm not sure if this is what you were asking for, but i hope this helps.

living with obsession

from a very young age (as early as 4 or 5 years old), i've been prone to glorifying friends or peers. typically just one at a time, but nonetheless. someone would catch my attention, and i'd want to know absolutely everything about them and be as close to them as possible. it wasn't really a big deal this early on because it's normal for kids to be clingy and jealous, but it never really went away for me. i'm not sure how reasonable it was then, either. even at 5, i was willing to change myself for the person i was obsessed with. fortunately it was as simple just a haircut at the time, but i consider that somewhat of a turning point.

when i was around 7-10, i managed it even less healthily, because i didn't know how to. i lost a lot of friends because of the way i would lash out at any perceived rejection. i was fixated on one friend in particular, even a year after they stopped talking to me. i didn't realise i was supposed to let go. everyone around me told me i was in the wrong, but i didn't understand why. i just knew my friend had left me.

from 12-16, though, my settings were different and my obsessions were much more passive, but much more dangerous too. one of the problems from the prior paragraph was my tendency to suicide-bait, but i never intended to follow through. for these years, however, there were multiple times i did attempt and these were the years where the stalking began. well, in a more genuine sense, as i finally had the means to.

i didn't actually like the people from my early teens, but it was a situation i was stuck in and i generally developed a lot of bad habits. i didn't want to go home immediately after school, so i would follow other people instead. i learned other people's routines and pieced them together. i remember i got in trouble once for taking pictures of a few people. not because they spotted me, but my guardians found it in my phone. so i stopped doing that.

although my friend from 7-10 is still a very significant example of me being unable to let go, i think 16 onward is almost more so, just in a slightly different way. a few circumstances lined up, and i found myself obsessed with a friend. i hadn't cared all too much for them before (we weren't even acquainted for a long time), but suddenly they defined my life. since we knew each other, there was only so much i could do that didn't give me away, but they caught on anyway. we stopped being friends after they thought i was trying to follow them home (which i ironically wasn't in the instance they provided, but nonetheless).

reflection and acceptance

i learned from all of these former years not to be open with these feelings and how to be more discreet with them, but unfortunately not how to avoid them or the habits i always fall into.

even after i lost someone, i've usually fallen too far into a spiral and the obsession doesn't quite end cleanly. it can latch onto someone else instead. when i started this blog, that was the case. it was someone i didn't know personally, which made it easier to get away with things. that only enabled me further. i practically consider stalking an addiction with how out of hand it gets, but it typically pertains to the person i'm obsessed with or anyone associated with them.

i've accepted that these are thoughts and feelings i deal with, and that i'm not the most morally sound person. i didn't use to understand what the problem was, or why everyone thought my care was overbearing or even hurtful. all i knew is that i considered someone very significant to me in one way or another. i simply accepted this as a part of myself, but a part of myself that wasn't well-tolerated. when i was 16, i joined yanblr on a different blog. i felt a sense of belonging because i found posts closer to how i felt than anyone i knew ever understood.

i still feel slightly estranged, honestly, considering all the disclaimers most blogs have. usually it's a simple "i don't condone these behaviours", but i find that a lot tends to be fictionalised or characterised into the yandere trope. sure, i use characterisation in my posts, but many of the thoughts are reflective of something much more real for me.

i wouldn't say i'm proud of it, but because it's something i've dealt so intensely for so long, i consider it part of my identity. who i am as a person, i guess. i admire others intensely and invasively. for lack of better phrasing, i live for and through them. it's kind of like i rely on another to find meaning or motivation, in a way. not to suggest i can't do anything myself, though. it's more finding something to look forward to, things being mundane otherwise. when i was younger, i held onto people to a detrimental extent, but learning to see it like the sun is helpful. it makes things bright, gets you through the day, but isn't always around.

[petruchio]

You probably hate this question, but do you think your masters was worth it? What field are you planning to go into? I’m really interested in going back to school, and one thing I’m considering IS literature because I love it, but I’m personally not interested in teaching so everyone I’ve voiced the interest to thinks it’s a bad idea. Financially? Probably. But it’s something I’ve thought about for a while so I’d love to know your thoughts on the degree as someone who Actually Has It. Thank you for taking the time to even read this!

i don't hate the question at all!!

do i think it was worth it... hm. it's kind of a specific situation for me, and it's pretty random and specific to my university that i even got it in the first place, because i got it at the same time as i was working towards my bachelors and it only took me one extra quarter to complete (so i basically got a bachelors and a masters in 4 years + one quarter) and the extra time i took was basically was an extension of undergrad for me -- it wasn't really like a separate master's program in the way that i think most people who are considering a master's degree would be going into. so for me, because i had gotten really far ahead in my major by the time i was a senior and i didn't really have any minors that i felt like fulfilling, and my university offered the program, it just made sense to start taking higher level phd classes and graduate with a masters as opposed to getting a minor in something that i wasn't really that interested in anyway. so that's just some background on why i got it.

regarding what it did for me career-wise, i think time will tell how it affects my salary (bc i'm still quite early in my career, i don't think having it vs not having it made THAT huge of an difference in the starting salary offers i got. but i can see using it as leverage in salary negotiations later on in my mid/late career, and i feel lucky to have it for that reason.) in terms of getting a job, i don't think it had a ton to do with the degree specifically, i think it had more to do with my university connections and my other job experience, although i do think that having a master's at 22 definitely helped me get my foot in the door and get interviews at a lot of places when i was graduating. i work in digital advertising and i do internal operations work, so my degree has nothing to do with the job at all. my job is actually more technical than anything else (i have one of those salesforce/excel/email jobs basically) but the industry i'm in is pretty random and it's not as if people need highly specialized degrees for it, so people mostly come from pretty random backgrounds (i know a couple other english majors and then others come from like, marketing/business or something else random like history or phil)

regarding what it did for me like, as a person -- i loved it and i wouldn't take it back for anything. i think it made me probably as smart as i could possibly have become. i mean obviously i still have tons to learn and i wouldn't dream of thinking that i've reached my peak levels of intelligence -- but i do think it was one of the best and most interesting years of my life and i'm so glad i did it. it taught me a lot about how to think and how to write and just how to synthesize HUGE amounts of information and discuss them with people and make my point about how the rhyme scheme of a percy shelley poem was meant to suggest the flapping wings of a bird and have a 50 year old professor call me a genius for it. like i'll be riding that high the rest of my life.

but would it have been worth it if it wasn't already just kind of tacked onto my bachelor's? idk. i definitely overeducated myself to a genuinely deranged level (and i did it ON TOP OF already being insanely overeducated just by nature of my program already) like i could've simply graduated with a bachelor's in english and moved on. but i've always been an overachiever/perfectionist freak to a fault, so when i heard there was a way to do EVEN MORE SCHOOL i was like omg count me in. but again it was specific to the options i had available to me, and i don't think i would've done it as a separate program unless i was genuinely going to pursue academia as a career (which, of course would've been my dream but i needed, like, money and stability and not to get trapped in the purgatory that is being an english phd student in an already oversaturated field. no shade to anyone who chooses that, i am deeply jealous of you, it just wasn't my path and i don't think i was cut out for the life of a 21st century academic.)

so yeah i'd say honestly it hasn't done much for me in life as a 24 year old other than like: getting bragging rights that i have one, getting my giant brain that i use to talk about the hunger games online, and the fact that 2 years ago i had the ability to just kind of waltz into a career that i was completely unqualified for just by nature of looking extremely intelligent on paper (which FOR THE RECORD i was, and i am really good at my job so like, it worked out well for my company to hire me as a stupid kid at the time, but i don't think they were like, wowed by my english degree so much as the fact that i already had two.) so did it help? yeah, probably. but would i have spent an entire year of my life working toward it and paying out of pocket/taking on additional loans just for the sake of doing it if there had been no promised reward or job at the end of it? honestly... probably not.

[mi4019sayakagunasekara]

Process of Researching

As we were about to begin our research, we separated ourselves into pairs where we focused on two seperate categories and created two subcategories for each,

the pairs were; Hemansha and I Alevels to University -A/L to abroad -A/L to local university Idusara and Semini Olevels to University -O/L to abroad -O/L to local university

Although all of us had agreed to use the same set of questions for both categories, to ensure there is reliability as well. Hemansha and I mainly focused people who were available readily at hand and also preferred to use participants who were not apart of AOD, so that it would be more generalizable.

the responses we received were different especially in terms of culture and syllabus, this is due to each individual's preference and personality.

the information to which i had received came from two classmates who had undergone the same London A/L process and had gone abroad (Australia, and New Zealand)

Australia

When u switched from als to Uni, what did you notice different in teachers? I noticed they didn't really care about students actually learning. Of course they are extremely strict when coming to meeting deadlines for assignments but hardly caring about how much students learn and if they understand the subject content. You just become a nameless face in a crowd of 50 to around 400 other students.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of the syllabus between uni and als? Advantages is university doesn't solely focus on a final exam, they structure their syllabus on a weekly basis, whereas A levels is dependent on 2 exams per subject which doesn't really help students in getting extra credit. Disadvantages would be that university syllabus is made in a way that you need to have prior knowledge or you'll easily fall behind whereas A levels goes more in depth for the foundation of each subject. How was the schl culture different to Uni culture? How did u grow accustomed to it and adapt (if u did) School has a sense of unity that university doesn't have, once you finish your lecture everyone is out the door while the lecturer is still talking whereas in school, everyone bounced off ideas with the lecturer and cleared their doubts. Best way to adapt is by making friends in your classes who you can talk about the syllabus and just general thoughts on that class.

What are some of the interesting shifts in class dynamics u see in Uni? Certain students will only interact with their own friends, it becomes difficult to approach people a week or 2 into classes because they stick to whoever they initially familiarised with again like I said there is no real sense of unity, its more of an individual task you finish and just head to your home, next lecture or meeting

New Zealand

When u switched from als to Uni, what did you notice different in teachers? All the HS teachers who said the uni teachers would care lied. They don't really mind most things like leaving to go to the bathroom or eating/drinking in class or even talking, as long as you don't disrupt the whole lesson. They're pretty informal and sometimes closer to students because of that (depends on class size) and most of them are a but more enthusiastic about lessons and teaching in general, possibly cause its semester 1 but idk. But actually the London A level teachers are pretty similar to uni lecturers, the real difference is from like middle/upper school to uni.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of the syllabus between uni and als? Honestly right now the content I'm studying is mostly the same as A levels for the subjects I have in common because I'm doing the core courses of my degree. It's a huge advantage that I'm familiar with it because lecturers don't actually teach this stuff much during class. You're expected to learn using the given materials and recordings at home and come prepared for class.

How was the schl culture different to Uni culture? How did u grow accustomed to it and adapt (if u did) Soo different omg. Particularly because I'm at uni in a different country as well, on top of going from a private, Christian, all-girls school. Uni is a lot more loose and relaxed like there's literally a bar on campus… that we're encouraged to go to?? It's a completely different atmosphere and it's weird not having your friends and the culture you grew up in. My suggestion and what's worked for me so far is literally just be nice and go to events a lot!!! And not just like clubbing (I didnt) or parties, tho you can do that, I mean like when clubs put on activities or are hosting launches at the start of the semester, go for them and talk to people. Making friends at uni is honestly not hard. That said, also don't worry if you miss one or two events u wanted to go for, I missed out on a whole bunch or skipped them (and subsequently, felt like i was missing out) but I've definitely still made friends. Figure out a schedule that works for you!! I organised my classes so I have a lot of free time to do the actual studying required and still have time to rest, socialize and cook. Try not to fall behind on little things like the quizes or weekly assessments, modules etc… if u do, be straight up with the lecturer and explain your situ and then get a concession! Cry! Like a lot! You're literally leaving everything you've ever known behind for a new environment, you're allowed to grieve. I cried so many times and probably will a lot more, but u have to get used to getting back up afterwards. U will definitely feel better after a good cry, some water and a nap.

What are some of the interesting shifts in class dynamics u see in Uni? Literally no one cares. Guaranteed. Do what you want just don't bother others. Most people are pretty nice and if not you can talk to people that are. But there's a lot of friends that you'll have ONLY in class, who u may stop being friends with the minute the sem is over or something. It happens, if u don't want it to, make an effort to be closer to those people before the sem ends. If they're interested yay! (Oh god group assignments with the dumbest reasons for grouping are a bit of a nightmare.)

[malevolententity]

WOE PROJECT 6 BE UPON YE

every day my patience with pattern markers grows thin. i can and will write essays about this franken pattern project that i Am calling done for now but i might do some more work on in the future. SO this is two patterns of the same concept that ive put together because i was not going to fully reset because the first pattern was absolute ass. i truly do not know if the issue was with me or the pattern as they would call for stitches and then tell you how to do the stitch and it was a different stitch! and i made sure it wasnt a uk vs us terms issue but i still had issues! the dud coaster is the darker blue one my mug is pictured on i like how after a lot of trial and error i got the flowers to look flowerish but idk not a big fan of it waaaay to much effort trying to make the stitches work that ill never work it up again. the basket is very pretty honestly but to actually hold the coasters ive had to stuff it with all my yarn scraps that m hoping to one day maybe turn into my own cobbled together yarn? because without the stuffing it just collapses from the weight of the coasters which is why! this project may not be done as there is another basket tutorial m looking at (that goes with the other 2 coasters i made) that based on how it looks is flatter and might hold the coasters much better. but that is definitely a thing ill work up down the road and Probably not tomorrow as i do adore the little basket i have now. AND SPEAKING OF THE TWO OTHER COASTERS i love the flower pattern the whole coaster was a time sink because of how the leaves must be worked but it was so very worth it. from project 3 (tarot sleeve) i still have a skein and a half of that red and purple that if i ever work up more of this specific flower pattern i might see what that yarn gives me! although most likely ill just find another flower pattern to try (theres a tulip one m interested in) so that every coaster is a different flower and looks the most like a bouquet as i can get. unfortunately i used acrylic yarn so i am loathe to use these with hot mugs but time shall tell with the shit coaster if i can use it with hot mugs long term!

also this project took roughly 6 hours with all the frogging trying to make the original pattern work and in generally learning 3 new patterns! (last hour and a half from episode 5 all the way to an hour into episode 7)

season 2 thoughts so far

dude can the lil guys just get a break? joui almost died AGAIN BUT LIKE A DEATH SAVE HAD TO HAPPEN LIKE BRUH LEAVE HIM ALONE FSDJKHFS arthur has had the worst fucking time and honestly i would not be surprised if towards the end of the season he does a suicide run because hes lost everything and everyone but ivete and idk if thats enough to keep him from going insane. i just. i dont know how to put episode 6 into words besides that i am soooo glad to have made it out of that episode because it was Heavy. episode 7 has been chill for the most part. they kept talking about sucking hoses. they kept saying various party members needed to strip to prove they were gonna start trying to shoot each other again. pretty normal table top hijinks and a good place to end for the night/the project.

i honestly have no idea what m making next. part of me Wants to try making a cardigan but all i have is acrylic which is itchy. and i def dont have the skeins for a whole cardigan plus cardigans i feel like would take minimum 22 hours? and i dont really. wanna have a 20+ hour single project. i like my current insanity of having done like 40ish hours of projects this past month and none of them going over 10 hours (besides the wretched bag). time to go through my ravelry in a few days time and see if anything jumps as being interesting or if m gonna have to spin a wheel to pick a project.

[popculturelib]

Bamboo Girl (issue #8) is a zine by Sabrina Margarita Sandata (also known as Sabrina Margarita Alcantara-Tan), a queer mestiza Pilipino* writing about her life in 1990s New York City. The zine emphasizes Asian & Asian-American and queer experiences, containing interviews, mythology, articles, letters, and reviews. Frustrated by a lack of representation of Asian women outside of infantilizing and fetishizing magazines, Alcantara-Tan started Bamboo Girl to fill the gap and talk about her own experiences being queer, mixed, and punk. A transcription of the text is below the read more.

*The terms "mestiza" and "Pilipino" are taken from an article Alcantara-Tan wrote for Frontiers: A Journal of Women Studies in 2000 describing "The Herstory of 'Bamboo Girl' Zine." You can find it on @jstor at this link.

The Browne Popular Culture Library (BPCL), founded in 1969, is the most comprehensive archive of its kind in the United States.  Our focus and mission is to acquire and preserve research materials on American Popular Culture (post 1876) for curricular and research use. Visit our website at https://www.bgsu.edu/library/pcl.html.

Magandang Araw!

(That’s “Good Day!” in “You’ll-have-to-create-a-gun-to-conquer-us” Pilipino)

Since the past issue, I’ve been living bone dry, and trying to suck money out of rocks. I don’t want any violins playing in the background or anything, I’m sure things will be changing with the new year! But that’s what prolonged me to get this baby to you.

I thought I’d share that I got hitched. Yes, you stronghold dykes, to a guy. He’s a good person, and it’s an interesting lifestyle to have after being in “obvious” dykeness and queerdom beforehand (just because you get married doesn’t mean that your queerdom evaporates like water or was never there in the first place – I write more about this later, I’ll shut up about it now). The reason I introduce this is because it affects my life (duh), subsequently my writing, and has already changed my “status” within certain lesbian “pro-queer” circles. Let’s just say I’m really learning who my friends are and learning more about my own perceptions of what queer means – like, if you still are after getting married. To me, that’s a redundant question, because if you are to begin with, you still are when goin’ down that runway.

For a change, I actually didn’t mind spending the xmas holidays with my parents. It was the first time that we actually had fun while opening presents – before, it felt so superficial, such a “let’s pretend were a happy family although we really hate each other” feeling. Forcing smiles into the camera. When I was younger, I was always jealous of the “All-American family” lifestyle, where your mom is like Mrs. Cleaver, your dad plays ball with you in your backyard.

In contrast, my mom and I hated each other (we still have differences, but it’s better now) and my dad was never home. Now, older and more aware of cultural differences between how my parents brought me up vs. being in a “typical” White American household (whatever that means), I have a better idea of where my parents came from. Not to say I agreed with it, but at least I understand.

Also, for the first time, I pushed myself to interact with others at a xmas party so that people would feel better. My mom had guests over, and everyone was pretty quiet because there was really nothing to do and some of my mom’s friends were dealing with some heavily family problems. So I dragged out karaoke machine out of the basement (practically every Pinoy family had one, yes we do!) and started belting out melodies with my un-warmed-up voice. Then I had people take turns picking stuff to sing. Oh Christ, we were laughing because a good majority of us sucked.

It was funny too, being that this was the first time I was spending time in Pittsburgh as a married girl. I was expecting my mom to say to my counterpart, “go sleep in the spare room,” like she used to whenever I’d visit Pgh. with ex’s. But she didn’t this time. And I was like, “Of yeah. That’s right. I’m married now. She can’t say anything!” I laughed to myself for a while after that.

I also learned a lot about my personality while staying with my parents. I had all our Hi 8 movies, the ones my mom and dad took of my bro, sis and I, transferred to VHS. I forgot I had it done until I saw the title in our drawer and stuck it into the VCR late one night. I had my parents join my dude and I. One thing I found out was how evident peoples’ personalities are so early on in life, and how they’re not so different to how you [page 2] turn out. My baby brother was quiet and had no emotion on his face, except when he freaked out once smiling so much he drooled. In contrast, I was always aware of the camera, my playmates, hyper, active, waving, giving attitude, smiling and running around. Damn, I don’t remember being so happy at that age. Either that, or I was already aware of the “look nice” conditioning my mom was into. It was pretty funny, seeing my mom with her long ironed hair (it’s naturally curly), and my dad with his sideburns and black rimmed glasses, looking like cool Bruce Lee.

As usual, I’ve been sticking my finger into many pies, and having fun doing it…

Performance art and speaking at colleges, which is always fun – I love hanging out with college kids, they’ve got a lot on their minds, are really proactive and ask questions.

Making video shorts. My most recent one where I was taught how to set up camp at a jungle survival training course in the Philippines, led by an Aeta (the indigenous Pilipinos); this was part of my footage taken while on my trip to the Philippines in Subic (before Dick Gordon got ousted.)

GOODIES FOR THE BAMBOO-ETTES AND BAMBOO-INOS THIS ISSUE:

I’m really lucky to be able to have the following peeps contribute such stuff to this issue… ENJOY!

Interviews with:

Musician/artist/creator extraordinaire Joey Ayala! Yes, the one and only!

Bagong Pinay’s webstresses Elke Aspillera and Perla Daly talk about creating the first interactive website that talks about the New Pilipina – OUTSIDE of the context of mail order brides (hold onto your hats!)

Dr. Zieba Shorish-Shamley, Director of Women’s Alliance for Peace and Human Rights in Afghanistan (WAPHA)!

And articles by:

Cookie H. on a personal experience of mental illness; Christine and Amy, 2 Korean adoptees of White families speak frankly about her experiences growing up.

Love and in the struggle,

[Signature of Sabrina Margarita Sandata in cursive, dates 1/99]

Sabrina Margarita Sandata

(Sandata is the Tagalog word for weapon, and commonly refers to bolo-looking knives that are used for regular around the house chores, but are also effective for lopping peoples’ heads off, depending on your inclination)

P.S.>> No Tagalog For the Novice this Issue, but look for it in Bamboo Girl #9! Wahoo!

Good things:

Reel Wild Cinema

Performance Fleece commercials

Kajagoogoo

Kimora Lee of One World

sleep

Scary Things:

80’s music is now “retro” (boy do I feel old!)

[next page – all text in lowercase unless otherwise formatted]

Table of Contempts

Interviews:

9             joey ayala

30           bagong pinay

70           dr. zieba shorish-shamley

14           hetero hell or being a video extra

44           married & queer

19           2 korean adoptees by while families tell their stories: christine & amy

18           the acculturation of asiatic tattoos by non-asians

47           many more silences to be broken by cookie hiponia

42           million youth march angers asian americansby (sic) doualy xaykaothao

8             rally against street beat sweatshops!

26           resource list for puerto rican political prisoners and prisoners of war

24           real-life inspired by jen sun

29           things lola (gramma) taught me

74           pinay beauty gone berserk

46           greedy bisexuals illo by rachel house

13           compilation by & about asian/american women

17           sexeh illo of allison (deep lust) by jane

75           being a “person of color” at rutgers freshman orientation

27           southern justic (sic) prevails: black panther activist returned to solitary confinement

43           anti-homosexual hate crimes letter/gay pride at Pinoy independence day parade d.c.

25           working our world by painting it

6             random illo on period gore by rachel house

50           denny’s update

52           neo-nazi thugs offer their services to pauline hanson

54           fellow asian thoughts

55           something I got at the festival of resistance

67           suggested reads

7             terrorific mythology from the philippines

23           angst column: why asians are all either f.o.b.’s or “pass as white” and other lies

73           stupid stereotype #8

76           martial arts: tools for everyday martial arts / postings by guros on bogus pinoy martial arts teachers

68           bamboo shoots (getting the word out)

56           letters

80           reviews

5             calling all asian brothers & sisters!

[pyro-the-kin]

Disco Elysium - Harrier Du Bois

Lots under the cut. No particular order.

Some stuff on me:

Looked like as canon self. A pretty average guy in terms of skills, knew my way on conversations, mind and body. A pretty good shot

Despite my age and all the damage I had caused to my body, I was a damn good jogger. Kim always got behind me when we worked together because he couldn’t get to my level.

Partially communist, although not too vocal. Mainly was anti-fascist and a bit anti-libertarian. Called myself a moralist on a day-to-day basis, but would happily attend communist meetings and hangouts, although I told everyone these were just book clubs.

I remember being so interested in the Pale, even going so far as calling myself an amateur entroponeticist, having many conversations about this with different people. I even subscribed to a science magazine that specialized on this, although I stopped doing so after the divorce. Returned to it after the amnesia episode.

Collected postcards, had quite a collection, neatly organized into binders. It was the only hobby I took even when in my more depressive phases.

Random:

Partying in the abandoned church, after convincing the Ravers to not try cooking drugs and just stick to the nightclub. Had a good conversation about the whole experiment with Sonna.

Helped the cryptozoologist with the traps, and even after telling Kim I didn't believe it and was just helping them, I felt kinda hopeful. Also, the jogging around the shore was good.

I painted the wall. One night after Kim went off to sleep, I stopped by there and painted a large red mural. Wrote part of the motto of Dolores, specifically the part that used to be the motto of the RCM. Kim totally knew it was me but never said anything. “ "After life, death; after death, life again.”

Kim was amused with my political quests to organize communism, but every time he tried to comment on it I just told it was a cultured thing of reading books, not ridiculous politics.

Talked with the station’s lazareth, told him of my memory loss. And when he said it could be a fresh start, well I took it fully. I wanted a fresh start. And I cherished it. Thanked him and ended the call.

We had just finished interviewing the smoker on the balcony and were leaving his apartment. I just say out loud that he was pretty hot. Kim was walking behind me, kinda focused on his notes and completely choked on his spit.

Also, at the end when the case was pretty much solved and we were returning to our precincts, I said my goodbyes to Kim and before I could do anything he pulled me in (mind you, he never got physical before) and forced me to admit my feelings to him. He got it right, I was so flustered and red.

Kim’s attention and care was something that really pulled me out, and strengthened my attraction to him. Seeing him so worried about my health made me realize how much I adored him, but I feared he was doing it out of respect and not mutual feelings. Guess I was wrong.

The plasmid, it was a weird scene. I pinched myself many times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Even looked behind for Kim, and he was as surprised as me.

When Kim learned I was trying to overcome my addiction to cigarettes he stopped smoking near me, even if it affected his whole nightly ritual.

He wasn’t circumcised. I remembered this when I saw some smut art that showed him as such.

Kim suker-punched some homophobic asshole and I cheered him loudly. He just remained silent and kept walking with me.

One time, after this case, we were hanging out somewhere in Revachol. There were some clothes stores by the street we were walking on, and I remember seeing a stupid-looking bright orange jacket in a store's window. Same color as Kim's jacket. I entered the store, he followed behind me slightly confused. I searched across the place, grabbed it and put it right on my shoulders. Pulled a pose, with a dumb grin, to him, he broke down laughing from it. Didn't let me buy the jacket tho

Had book clubs, actual meetings organized by the local communist chapter. Kim knew what it was but just didn’t comment. Some nights were actual book clubs, and he sometimes joined. There was an old lady there who always said we were a cute couple.

Kim and I shared a small apartment. Always filled to the brim with my postcards collections and magazines, and Kim’s plants. We both wanted a cat, but one of us was sadly allergic.

One day Jean came to me while I was at my desk, and said something on how he knew I could come up on top. I think it was his way to say he was proud of me in some way.

One time Jean grabbed Kim by his jacket’s collar and threatened him, saying that if he were to ever hurt me and break my heart, he would personally take care of him.