#although in the show they were outta line a lot

[greeen-bean]

What do you mean?????? I love Charlie's parents

[foxykatie425]

Jedi: Fallen Order - The Musical (Act 1)

Wait, hear me out…

Alright look, I am fully aware that trying to turn Jedi: Fallen Order into a musical is a dumb idea. I am fully aware that Star Wars in general would probably not benefit from the musical treatment. And I am fully aware that even when people hear me out, there’s not a single human on this earth that really cares or has interest in this idea. And honestly, why should they? It’s not even like I have songs to offer, because despite my music degree, I am a really lousy songwriter!

However, all that being said, I really enjoy the problem-solving challenges that come with adapting a story for a very different medium than originally intended! And when I get my stupid ideas, I want to share them and get them outta my head! So while I have a captive audience, I’m gonna share some of my main ideas for Act 1 of Jedi: Fallen Order - The Musical! If anybody actually cares to read, please like this post, leave comments, reblog or whatever so I can find my drive to finish writing out my main ideas for Act 2! (And if you are not interested in reading 4500 words of my incoherent brainstorming, go ahead and keep scrolling. I will not be offended!)

Act 1

To start the show off, I think it would be somewhat poignant if, at the end of the overture, a single light comes up on Cal and he says the line “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…” before immediately transitioning into Bracca.

I imagine the introduction to the scrappers guild to be a Newsies style dance number, although perhaps not quite as happy.

The opening scenes on Bracca need to lay the foundations for the audience: who were the Jedi? What happened to them? And what is the current state of the galaxy? We have to assume, to an extent, that the audience has no background knowledge of Star Wars.

We also need to establish Cal’s current state of mind- fearful and alone. His only goal is to stay alive. He doesn’t trust anyone, but at the same time he does have friends that he cares about, such as Prauf.

Speaking of Prauf, odds are he’d be adapted into a human or humanoid character for this show. There’s nothing saying his character has to be an Abednedo, and it would be a lot of work to turn an actor into this alien character when said character is killed very early on. The actor would likely join the ensemble for the remainder of the show.

Let’s talk about Cere. Not much about her character would need to change, but without video game restraints confining us to Cal’s perspective, it becomes easier to flesh out Cere’s character arc a bit more. We can have the chance to see inside her head, and we can also have one or two scenes where she has the stage to herself.

Cere’s backstory can also be expanded on. Not only would I have her tell the story of how she tried to lure the imperials away from Trilla a bit earlier in the narrative, I would also have the scene play out onstage from Cere’s perspective so the audience actually gets to see young Trilla (and it foreshadows later when we get to see the exact same scene from Trilla’s perspective). There could also be two or three scenes throughout the first act where we get to see more flashbacks of Cere being a master. Perhaps as she gives advice to Cal, she reflects on times she had to give the exact same advice to Trilla (which could also have the added side effect of making Cal and Trilla interesting foils to each other).

Now Greez you could portray on stage a few different ways. I probably wouldn’t turn him into a humanoid character like with Prauf, because 1) he’s in the show for a lot longer, and 2) if all of your main characters are human it makes it difficult to portray the setting as “a galaxy far, far away.” For an alien species that’s meant to be so short in stature, you could potentially do him as a puppet, kind of like the way Olaf is done in Frozen the Broadway Musical, but I’d probably lean away from that because with a story as serious as this one, some strong emotions could get lost in translation. More likely, I’d try to cast an actor who is shorter in stature (most likely not quite Greez sized, but we just suspend our disbelief) and give him some prosthetic makeup and an extra set of arms that can be puppeted to mimic his real arms. (You might also be able to create his short stature by having the actor on his knees, like Lord Farquaad in Shrek the Musical, but again, you start to risk turning the character into a joke.)

As far as Greez’s character arc, it unfortunately comes off as a bit of an afterthought in the game (aside from the Haxion Brood level) but there is a bit that can be expanded on. He started off accepting Cere’s charter in an effort to pay off his debts, but he eventually comes to believe in her and in her quest. It’s not highlighted very much in JFO because a lot of that growth happened before Cal came into the picture. The most we get to see is his underlying dislike for Cal at the beginning grow into respect and eventually care. In a stage show, his arc would still have to be secondary to Cere’s and especially Cal’s arc, but he could definitely be played as a Han Solo-type character who took a job for money that slowly comes to mean more to him.

You can’t have a Jedi game, or a Jedi musical, without Cal’s best buddy BD-1. Now being a droid, and a very small droid at that, BD-1 would be puppeted onstage by an actor in a similar style to the characters in Avenue Q or Finding Nemo: The Musical. I tend to imagine BD-1 being played by a petite young woman (namely, a dancer) but nothing says it has to be. Since BD-1 doesn’t speak English (sorry, Basic!) it would be a silent role with BD’s beeps and trills being produced by a soundboard, probably controlled by someone in the booth rather than by the actor. However, the actor would bring life to BD-1 through their motions and facial expressions. And despite being a non-speaking and non-singing role, I do imagine BD-1 being front and center in every dance number!

The puppet for BD-1 would need to be lightweight and maneuverable. Due to the distance between the stage and the audience, it would probably need to be larger in scale than BD-1 is necessarily meant to be. It could feature some color changing lights that would likely be controlled by the actor. The entire puppet would be independently controlled by the actor rather than being attached to Cal’s back, however there could also be another version of the puppet that could be strapped to Cal’s back for scenes where BD-1’s absence wouldn’t make sense but a lack of contribution to the scene would make the presence of the actor onstage somewhat awkward (for example, some more personal scenes between Cal and Merrin).

Next character to discuss is Eno Cordova. He would likely have about the same level of involvement as he did in the game, although some bits of his instructions may be altered somewhat to make his quest a little less of a wild goose chase. (I mean let’s be real, he coulda just said “you need an Astrium to unlock the vault, there’s one on Dathomir, go get it.”) He would probably not be a singing role, but he would be portrayed by an actor on the stage, with the hologram effect being achieved by simply highlighting him with a blue spotlight.

Okay, now we get to the bulk of the story and our three main planets: Zeffo, Kashyyyk, and Dathomir. There’s a lot to talk about with these three locations, both individually and collectively, but let’s start with set design. For any show that features as many different locations as this one, you’d be best to have a unit set that doesn’t move that can function as all of those locations. I imagine this show having a large set with several different levels of platforms (it is a “platforming” video game after all) and the primary visual indication that we’ve changed locations would be different colored lights illuminating the cyclorama, the white backdrop at the back of the stage. Likely the choice of color for each planet would match the color of each planet on the holomap in the game (green for Kashyyyk, red for Dathomir, etc). There can also be props brought onto the stage that help indicate a change of setting, such as bringing out Greez’s pilot chair when we return to the Mantis.

As I hinted at before, Cordova in the game basically sends Cal out on a wild goose chase. Yes it’s meant to test him, but ultimately the only one of those three planets where Cal actually retrieves something tangible he needs to complete his quest is Dathomir. Now that works for a video game where there’s things for the player to do along the way, but for a passive audience who is watching rather than participating in the story, there needs to be a better reason for Cal to go to each planet. That’s not to say that Cordova should give him all of the answers, but perhaps there is something that Cal needs to retrieve from each tomb. Perhaps the Astrium comes in three different pieces. Yes, there are two tombs on Zeffo and none on Kashyyyk, but Cordova was here first after all. He wasn’t going to put back whatever pieces he found, but he also didn’t get all of them because he found another Astrium somewhere. Cal knows this because he found that Astrium destroyed in the vault. So he goes to Zeffo and through the Tomb of Eilram only to find that Cordova already took the piece that was there. BD plays the recording where Cordova talks about Tarfull and Kashyyyk, leading Cal to believe Cordova left the piece there and that Tarfull would know where to find it. He goes to Kashyyyk and fights alongside the Partisans, but he is unable to find the piece without Tarfull’s help, so he will have to return when the Partisans find him. Out of other leads, Cal remembers Cordova saying something about Dathomir, so he decides to search there. When he reaches the Tomb of Kujet, he finds that he needs the other two pieces of the Astrium to enter so he can retrieve the third. (Because in this context we can’t really use game mechanics like double jumping as a reason for why we can’t continue.) At the same time, Cere hears about Project Auger being restarted, and they return to Zeffo to search for the Tomb of Miktrull. Beyond this, the sequence of events would largely follow the remainder of the game.

Zeffo would probably be the hardest of the three planets to adapt to the stage because, with the exception of Cal’s confrontation with Trilla, not much really happens there. Much of your time on Zeffo in the game is spent traversing the land and solving puzzles in the tombs, all of which is less than exciting for a passive audience. Some kind of story beats would need to be added to Cal’s time on Zeffo (especially the first visit) that makes up for all the combat and platforming that doesn’t really translate to the stage. The story of JFO already has the slight inconvenience of being largely concentrated in the second half of the game, while in most musicals the first act tends to be longer. (And the game provides a perfect built-in spot for an intermission when Cal gets captured by the Brood, so I don’t really want to change that either.) There aren’t a lot of people for Cal to meet on Zeffo, so you could create a new character(s) and give them their own little subplot, but that runs the risk of creating one too many plot lines for the audience to follow as well as having little impact on the overall story. So more likely you would use that time to teach the audience about the Zeffo and have constant communication between Cal and Cere.

Believe it or not, at one point I considered cutting Kashyyyk entirely. But it’s important to show the early stages of rebellion against the Empire and have Cal get a taste of fighting back. Plus, the Partisans create an opportunity for a pretty fun dance number! However, I probably would cut out Saw Gerrera, simply because the more iconic the character is, the harder it is to translate them to the stage. (Obviously we’re gonna run into that same problem with Darth Vader, but we’ll discuss that when we get there.) Instead, I’d probably single out Mari Kosan as the leader of this group of Partisans, but mention that she is working under Saw. The great thing about Mari is that she’s so minor a character in the game that she can be a completely different character in an adaptation. You might even call her a completely new character with only her name being borrowed from a background character in the game. In this sense, we’d get to see the extremist side of the Partisans through her actions rather than Saw’s, but probably not until Cal returns to Kashyyyk in Act 2. (Also, if it proved necessary for the narrative, you could get away with killing off Mari, something you couldn’t do with Saw.)

I talked about iconic characters not translating well to the stage. Well, let’s talk about Wookiees and Stormtroopers. We certainly can’t go to Kashyyyk without seeing some Wookiees, but we’d want to keep their stage presence to a minimum. Creating their look in a live setting, while certainly possible, is not necessarily easy, and it quickly runs the risk of appearing fake to the point of being distracting, thus breaking the audience’s suspension of disbelief. Stormtroopers, on the other hand, would be a very easy, iconic look to recreate. Too easy, in fact. Despite the fact that they tend to be the butt of every Star Wars joke, the presence of Stormtroopers still needs to be felt as a threat, and that threat can be very quickly undermined if they are overused onstage. Not to mention, the moment you put Stormtroopers in a dance number, it becomes Star Wars Weekends at Disney World. So we’re gonna leave the dance numbers to the scrappers, the Partisans, and maybe the Dathomirians.

Speaking of Dathomir, we have to get there early. Obviously in the game you have the option to go there early on, but you don’t have a story reason to go there until much later. In the game, the crew returns to Zeffo right after they first visit Kashyyyk because Cere gets word of the Empire finding the other tomb. But in this case, let’s say she doesn’t hear about that until after Cal first visits Dathomir. We need to get to Dathomir early because 1) Merrin is far too important a character to be introduced in the second act, and 2) as previously mentioned, the second act is very story heavy and we need to shift some of that into the first act to make it slightly more balanced.

Finally it’s time to talk about Merrin! Her character in the first game was so underused and this adaptation offers the chance to expand on her story. (Although I need someone to hold me back a little, because she’s my favorite character but I need to be reminded that this is not her story. She cannot be a bigger character than Cal or Cere.) Introducing her earlier gives the audience more time to think of her as an antagonist, as they watch her repeatedly reject Cal’s attempts to reach out to her.

Let’s talk special effects, because Dathomir is where that really gets fun. Much of the appearance of Merrin’s magick can be achieved with the use of clever lighting and purposeful staging. Her ability to teleport can be mimicked by having her enter the stage in darkness and then using green lighting and perhaps some fog to illuminate her. Magick flames in her hands can be a combination of lighting and some classic magician props. (Disclaimer: Serious safety precautions would have to taken if we’re considering playing with actual fire though!) And the effects of her magick on her eyes and mouth can be achieved with black-light makeup that is invisible in regular lighting.

Now if there’s one person that tries to convince Cal that Merrin is a threat that can’t be reasoned with, it’s Malicos. As in the game, Cal would encounter this “wanderer” on the path to the Tomb of Kujet. He tells Cal that he was marooned on this planet when he came to study the Dathomirian culture, and that he has been hiding from the Nightsister, who he claims has repeatedly tried to kill him without hearing what he had to say (much like she tried to kill Cal upon their first encounter). Cal offers to help him escape the planet, but Malicos rejects this offer, stating that he has not yet completed his research on the planet (red flag # 1). Cal explains his mission, and Malicos explains that the ruins are surrounded by darkness and the magick of the Nightsisters. He tells Cal that Merrin will throw everything at him to keep him from entering the Tomb, and he tries to convince him that the only way to complete his quest is to kill her before she kills him (red flag # 2). But Cal, beginning to suspect he has ulterior motives, dismisses him and continues on to the Tomb. What Cal doesn’t know yet is that Malicos is also pulling the strings on Merrin’s side and actively trying to pit them against each other in the hopes of solidifying his control over whoever came out on top, as well as to keep them from uniting against him, which he knows would likely happen if his lies to Merrin about the massacre were exposed.

I debated a bit whether I should try to work in the romance between Cal and Merrin. Putting them together in Fallen Order definitely runs the risk of coming off rushed, and the way it was handled in Jedi: Survivor was perfect and probably could not be outdone. However, musicals don’t tend to get sequels (unless it’s Love Never Dies) and especially if we’re expanding on Merrin’s character, you can’t really write her and Cal together without there being sexual tension, and the audience will want to see that resolved, so I guess we’re going for it! (And besides, it’s my musical and I want to!) However, I still want Merrin to be an antagonist for most of the story, and prior to fighting Malicos I don’t want slip into the overused tropes of “he saved her life” or “they had to work together to survive.” The dynamic I’ve come up with instead bears a slight resemblance to Rey and Kylo Ren (cuz let’s be honest, Merrical is everything Reylo wishes it was!). Their first encounter is basically the same as the game, where she tells him to leave and sends the Nightbrothers after him. Take note that when I envision this scene, I have Merrin standing above Cal on one of the higher levels of the set (she had the high ground!). However, I’ve created a new scene between them in Act 1 while Cal is making his way back to the Mantis to return to Zeffo. He stumbles upon her praying to her fallen sisters for guidance, having taken off her hood and cloak. (Metaphorically, it’s almost like he catches her indecent.) Caught off guard and scared, Merrin prepares to defend herself, but Cal shows her that he has no intention of fighting her right now, and Merrin, knowing she wouldn’t win any fight she started in this moment, stands down. This scene gives an interesting visual representation of the power dynamics between the two of them, because where she stood high above him in her first scene, they now stand on the same level, which is made even more interesting if the actor playing Cal happens to be taller than her. Cal explains that he is leaving, but will return, and Merrin proclaims that she will be ready to face him when he does. He tells her about his mission and informs her that the Jedi have been wiped out, but importantly it never comes out that she believes the Jedi killed her family. They sing a counterpoint duet detailing their differing points of view, with Merrin stubbornly refusing to believe Cal’s Jedi “lies.” (This is actually the only song I’ve named: “Fool Me Once.” Fill in the rest of the saying.) By the time the scene ends, the audience should not yet be thinking that Merrin will eventually become Cal’s ally. However, the scene would definitely include noticeable sexual tension during their argument, mostly being in each other’s personal space for a hair too long and some extended eye contact.

Now that I’ve beaten that scene into the ground, let’s go back to Zeffo. Cal explores the Tomb of Miktrull and finally finds the first of the three pieces of the Astrium before encountering (hang onto your hats) the Second Sister, aka Trilla Suduri, Cere’s former Padawan! (Dun dun duuunnnn!!) Nothing super noteworthy changes in this section of the story except that Cal doesn’t encounter Trilla until after he explores the Tomb.

Remember those flashback scenes I was talking about with Cere and Trilla? This is what they’ve been leading up to. In the game, when Trilla takes her helmet off, the only reason we know who she is, is… well, she says so. However, if we see flashbacks of Trilla earlier in the show, now the audience recognizes the face under the mask. Now I know what you’re thinking: “won’t the voice give it away?” Not necessarily, if you’ve got a good enough actress. For all intents and purposes, Trilla and the Second Sister, much like Anakin and Darth Vader, are two different characters and should be treated by an actor as such. A good actress could make her tone and delivery so different between the two characters that first-time viewers wouldn’t put them together (as long as the playbill doesn’t give it away). But even if the audience does figure it out, I don’t think the fact that Trilla became an inquisitor is the biggest revelation in this scene. Because let’s be honest with ourselves, in terms of Star Wars plot twists, that one was a little predictable. But no, the bigger revelations are that Cere betrayed Trilla by giving up her location, she used the dark side in the aftermath, and perhaps most damningly, she has been keeping secrets from Cal.

Alright let’s talk stage combat. For this fight in particular, much like the game, it would get cut short and end up being more talking than fighting. But in general, stage combat tends to be more dance-like movements than martial arts. We’re not going for prequel-style lightsaber duels here. Plus, on stage, you only get one take, so you can’t exactly afford for anyone to get hurt halfway through. We’ll talk a little bit more about lightsaber effects later, but suffice to say, the stage combat, while important, comes second to the emotions surrounding the scene.

So BD-1 cuts the fight short by activating a laser gate between Cal and Trilla. Trilla reveals her past and sings about how you can never trust anyone before leaving. Now on stage alone, Cal finishes out the song by briefly lamenting why Cere didn’t tell him the truth. He hears another disturbance just offstage and prepares to defend himself before being hit by a stun grenade and knocked out by an unknown bounty hunter. Blackout.

End Act 1

So those are my notes on Act 1 of Jedi: Fallen Order - The Musical. I’ll be posting my Act 2 notes in the near future, but before I go, I want to quickly discuss the vocal ranges of each of the characters.

- Cal: Being a classic male hero, Cal would almost certainly have to be a pretty high tenor. However, he shouldn’t be like a squeaky tenor, for lack of a better phrase; his tone should be more round and even. (I’m just gonna say it- Cal probably shouldn’t have gay voice! I’m sorry, I don’t mean that in an offensive way, I just don’t have a better way of describing what I mean!)

- Cere: She would definitely be a low alto. (If we’re talking Broadway, I’m picturing Heather Headley or someone similar.) Not only would that be a good match for Debra Wilson’s voice in the game, but a lower singing voice is often used to portray age. It helps give the audience the impression that she is older and wiser than Cal.

- Greez: He’s a little tricky, but I’d probably put him somewhere in the mid-range, maybe a high-end baritone. I’m not locked into that though, I could also possibly imagine him as more of a low tenor.

- Merrin: Okay some people are gonna disagree with me here, but I would not make Merrin an alto. She can’t have the same range as Cere. That’s not to say I think she should have a super high singing voice, more like low mezzo soprano. But her voice should be powerful; I’m thinking like an Idina Menzel-style belter. (I mean, she is a witch, after all!)

- Trilla: Lemme start by saying that Trilla would not sing with her helmet on, so her first song probably wouldn’t be until the Act 1 finale. I imagine her having a very similar range to Merrin, with perhaps a slightly darker tone.

- Ninth Sister: We’ll talk about her more in Act 2, but she would definitely be a very low alto. She’s a big character, and generally the bigger the instrument, the lower the pitch. She also leans very heavy on the melodrama.

- Malicos: Now odds are he wouldn’t sing until Act 2, but he would definitely be a low baritone, if not a bass. I’ve been comparing him to Claude Frollo from Hunchback, both in terms of his character and his voice. So I would definitely imagine his voice sounding a bit aged, although the actor would also need to be able to do at least a small amount of stage combat, so he might have to be slightly younger than we might imagine the character.

- Sorc Tormo: Speaking of Hunchback, here we’ve got our Clopin Trouillefou. Eccentric and dramatic, Sorc Tormo would be the one to have that squeaky tenor voice that I didn’t want for Cal. (Now HE can have gay voice!)

- Jaro Tapal: I’ll throw him in because I haven’t decided whether or not he would sing, but if he does, he would most definitely be a bass.

One other note about casting: I am in my mind imagining the characters being played by actors who look similar to the actors in the game, with Cal, Greez, and Merrin all being white, and Cere and Trilla being people of color. However, the beautiful thing about a story like this is that there is absolutely no reason that you couldn’t colorblind cast every single one of the characters.

But I think I’ve rambled on enough for now. If anyone is actually still reading up to this point, thank you for indulging me! You are my favorite! Please share your thoughts and ideas in the comments, because I have no one to discuss this topic with and it would make me really happy… 🥺🫶

Act 2 coming soon!!

[beaubaptiste]

There was something about Gabriel that fascinated Beau. While she hadn’t had the best luck in long term relationships, she didn’t really have a problem getting one night stands when she wanted them. If she had to really do a deep dive into her dating history and the approach she now had because of it, she would come to the realization rather quickly that she had long since given up on the idea of love, a stable relationship, a family, and everything else most people were thinking about at thirty-two. She pretty much figured that when the time was right she would get knocked up and continue her bloodline, as the house needed someone to take care of it, and nothing good would come of letting the line die with her and leaving it to some poor, unsuspecting stranger. 

Still, even though she had assumed she’d had everything figured out, the simple fact that Gabriel was making her wait, showing off in a sense. It was almost annoying how covertly smug he was being. Beau would never let it show, but she had let it get to her head long ago that she was pretty. She’d brought a lot of men to their knees, and although Gabriel too, seemed to be smitten with her, he was holding himself back. 

His comment brought a grin to her face, her cheeks warming up slightly at the idea. It wasn’t that she was above blushing, but he had a way about him that made her feel silly. “ The second round? You got that much confidence in your stamina, huh?” She teased.  She nibbled more on the side dishes, going back to the spicier things after sampling them all. “ Well, most men would have paid the bill and taken me outta here after that, but you’re clearly not most men.” She shrugged. “ But I’m gonna hold out hope that if I behave a lil’ bit that you’ll reward me with some dick when the night’s over. I didn’t have my legs for a kiss on the front step.” She smiled.

Serving him some of the sides that she’d taste tested and approved of, Isabeau was slowly becoming enticed by the smell of the cooked meat. As much as she complained and vocalized her love of cooking, she had to admit ( albeit begrudgingly) that he was right; it was a little bit nice to be taken out and cooked for. “ The faster you eat, the faster you can leave…” She echoed with a smirk. “ Hope you don’t think I’ll say that to you when the night’s over.” She chuckled.

Decided to go with the flow, since he wasn’t going to give in, Beau clicked her chopsticks together before digging in. As expected, the food was as good as it smelled. The meat was tender in spite of how much he’s cooked it to her liking — something most people were modified by. Still, what little she knew about Asian culture, she knew that the grade, cut, and quality of meat used for their dishes were all the highest they could be. It pained her to say, but she almost — almost — ruined it by treating it like a tough piece of cheap steak.

“Mmm… Damn that’s good…” She moaned softly as the meat seemed to melt on her tongue. “ It’s like they fed the cow nothin’ but butter. There’s such a good flavor.” She mused. Shaking her head at the delight the food gave her, Beau chewed and swallowed before picking at the vegetables. “ So…” She paused. It had been a while, and as cringy as it was, she was trying to remember some typical first date questions she could ask. “ Tell me more about you. Are your parents from here or did they come from somewhere else? Do you have siblings? Tell me all the basic stuff people normally break the ice with when they aren’t trying to get in your pants.” Beau laughed. 

“That’s the impression you’re getting?” He shot back, focused eyes giving her a quick glance. He laughed to himself, something he seemed to do a lot this evening. Maybe it was to the effect of pure attraction but desire aside, he found her pleasant and genuinely funny. Deep down he fought the intrusive thought that he might be too smitten too fast. There was nothing to deny and she left no area gray, the first of many things he liked about her.

“You can get back shots the second round,” his tone was content, he spoke of the act like it already happened, almost as if they’d built a routine of it. “I wanna see your face the first time.” With a turn of another sizzling cut of meat, Gabriel slid his ring and pinky to the side to touch her hand, holding the utensil with what fingers were left. A few seconds later he adjusted another then fixed it on her plate carefully. “Listen,” he sighed with a growing smirk, pointing the prongs in her face. “You can even take a picture of me sleeping so long as I’m still wearing my chonies.”

“A nun..” He added while her chopsticks pointed back at him. Gabriel opened his mouth and nodded, slow and expectant like he’d been taking her words anywhere other than his gut and below his belt. “Now I’m a nun.” His shock was a measure of imitation, and he leaned in, careful to keep his tone between the two of them. “You’re fondling me on the first date and I’m a nun.” he teased. “Taking advantage of me.” He added, picking a few strips of meat to his own plate. He knew she’d be even more brazen than him and for now he couldn’t handle another foot, much less a hand, from creating yet another problem before they left. He wanted to feel he accomplished, to be able to say they’d done it even if it seemed like the footnote of the night.

There was something so delicate, almost sacred the way she moved things around her with her hands. It wasn’t something all that remarkable or even noticeable, and yet Gabriel found himself watching her fingers as she moved all the little pieces around on her plate. “She likes hard meat,” he snickered. “Yeah that tracks.” Maybe it was the same way he watched her with silent reverence when she worked in the kitchen, how inclined and involved he felt when watching her work with her hands. Even though he was prodding back at her, his eyes hadn’t left their fixation of what she was doing.

After he tore his eyes from her hands, he looked back up at her with a smile that knew it would be met with some push back. “See and I knew you were going to say that,” he shook his head and bit into a piece, smile still plastered on his face. “We’re getting dinner so you get a night off from cooking and cleaning. The reason we’re here is because I’ve had your cooking.” He was messing with her now, but he had the sense to assume she knew there were many more reasons than that. “You can cook for me tomorrow when we’re having breakfast but not tonight. Maybe, maybe you can microwave something.” Aside from his brief fascination with her little fingers, Gabriel soaked in her radiant smile, body covered in a sheen, if she was under better lighting she might be glowing. “The faster you eat the faster we can leave.” he reminded her warmly. “I’m in no rush. I like watching you eat. Everything burnt enough for you?”

[stormkobra-5]

Boxing Badass

Poe Dameron x fem!Reader (Modern AU)

Summary: Poe Dameron, an Air Force Reserves fighter pilot, owns and operates a boxing ring on the side. You’re Y/N “Starfire”, his very best fighter in the ring. Although, there seems to be something between you two that neither of you will admit-- until you make a bad decision against his wishes that will cost him money and some of his ego. Now he’s gonna show you your place-- and he’s gonna do it right on the floor of the ring.

A/N: Ok, so, I came across the picture in the far left moodboard, and I just. Dude. I fucking lost any worries I had about writing smut because hot damn that is my favorite picture now. Good lord. And I admit to shamelessly stealing lines from his Beirut reading because good fucking lords and ladies the living fanfiction-- you won’t believe it till you hear the words come outta his mouth. (I’d also like to mention that I know nothing about boxing...) This is my very first smutty fic, so...

Anyone who was tagged doesn't have to read this, and I'm sorry if you didn't want to be! :P

Notes: I’d like to thank both @foxilayde for some much-needed advice on writing smut, and my bro, @poeticsorcery, for helping me when I got stuck, giving me scenarios and phrases-- thanks, Gadget! And also? Because this is Modern!Poe? He’s bilingual (he speaks Spanish duh), for plot purposes.

Warnings: Oh boy. *heaves dictionary of smut onto table* This story is 18+ ONLY!!! MINORS DO NOT READ, DO NOT INTERACT. Violence, language, light angst, fluff. Shameless smut, reader has a praise kink, breeding kink, use of the word “sir,” fingering, oral (f receiving), light bondage, glove-play, thigh riding, bratty sub!reader, unprotected PiV, edging, orgasm denial, foul language, spanking, overstimulation, plot what plot, porn without plot, okay maybe a little bit of a plot

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Ok, so you like him.

You like him a lot.

Captain Poe Dameron of the United States Air Force Reserves is a fucking badass. He flies an F-16 jet he absolutely adores, his formal uniform is covered in medals, and he’s like a Guatemalan/Cuban Maverick-- oh he’s a total Top Gun fan, but he’ll also point out what is and isn’t regulation and boast about what he has and hasn’t done if you were to watch it with him.

Not to mention he’s fucking gorgeous. His golden-tan skin is somehow nearly unblemished. On his right cheek, under his eye, is a small scar, and on his left are two little pockmarks, giving him a rough edge. His strong nose and stubbled jawline, his toned, lean-muscled chest, his inky black curls that sometimes spring free over his forehead, his deep brown eyes-- everything about this man is just ugh. So fine.

He has everybody he knows swooning over him. Women, men, and it doesn’t help that he has a reputation as a sex god. The rumors that fly about Poe Damneron are obscene, filthy, and unbelievable. A supposed-ex-boyfriend even complimented him by saying he could last all night, and then some. A couple one-night stand girls talked about how he doesn’t even have to actually touch you to make you come. With how cocky he is and how he carries himself with that-- I dunno big dick energy-- you believe every word of it.

But it’s kinda hard to hear all that about somebody you consider to be your best friend.

He’s in the reserves, so a second job is a good thing to have, for the mind as well as the pocket. Poe-- along with his friend Finn, also in the reserves as part of the maintenance crew-- owns and operates a boxing gym. Fight nights win him a lot of money if his fighters can best another’s, not to mention he bets. Heavily. And he always fucking wins.

That’s how you met him.

You’re an up-and-coming female boxer that had went by the name of “Foxtrot.” You had a few gigs, here and there, but nobody really wanted to keep working with you-- either a female in their ring undermined their authority or they were simply tired of hearing the snide comments. Until you got to Yavin 4 Boxing Club, where you met Poe Dameron, your new boss. He immediately took you to the ring, where he showed you some trick moves, and then to test you, pitted you up against a boxer that very night.

You won. For the first time.

Poe Dameron set up your career. He gave you a new name, “Starfire,” and in three years of working with him you’d become his best fighter in the ring. Anybody who questioned the presence of a female fighter was quickly shut down. Unbeatable, unquestioned, you guys were a power-duo. You made thousands of dollars a week from just the Friday Fight Nights, and even though you maybe wanted to add Saturdays, too, Poe absolutely forbade it. “I don’t want my best fighter getting hurt, babygirl,” He’d always tell you, giving you that damn pursed-lips-clenched-jaw kinda look and shaking his head. “One day a week. That’s it. We’re doing good, we don’t need any more money.”

But you were more than just his best fighter. Somehow he started integrating you into his friends, introducing you to Finn, Rey, Rose, Ben, and even his Labrador, Beebs. You started hanging out. Soon... soon you became friends. Maybe even best friends. And you hated it, because you’d fallen for him far harder than you’d ever thought possible.

It was his fucking smile.

You didn’t notice it at first. You just thought you were growing to love him as a friend, but then you realized that at the mere thought of seeing him, your heart started pounding. Your face would flush. Butterflies would erupt in your stomach. But then one day you’d been getting ready to practice for an upcoming fight. Poe had been standing nearby and watching, ready to give tips like he always did, and you made a joke about wrapping your knuckles. Hell, you don’t even remember what you said. Whatever it was, it had made Poe laugh-- and at the sight of that beaming grin that makes the corners of his warm dark eyes crinkle up, you were a goner.

You were in love with him.

And despite the fact that you can take direct hits without batting an eye, the thought of rejection and ruining your friendship if you asked him out on a date he isn’t interested in has you terrified. But you keep up flirty banter with him. You try to test the waters, see if he is interested; he can’t take his eyes off you when you practice, so that has to be a good sign, right?

But he’s also ridiculously bossy, which has you always acting the part of the rebel. You don’t know why-- maybe you like the way that muscle in his cheek twitches when you refuse to do something he tells you to, especially in front of other people. Maybe you like the sparks that ignite in his eyes as he turns to give you a glare from under his thick brows. Maybe you just enjoy getting such a strong reaction from him. All you know is you really like pushing his buttons.

Today is a prime example of that.

“What do you mean, no?” You scoff, in utter disbelief at the man across the desk from you. Poe lounges in his leather chair with a brow raised and his lips pursed a little as he regards you. He’s wearing those stupid navy-blue dress pants that show off his thighs and, yes, you’ve checked him out on numerous occasions, his great ass. He’s wearing that stupid matching blazer that squeezes his arms in all the right places, and he’s wearing that stupid white shirt, not to mention his signature chain necklace where his mother’s ring hangs. His curls are messy from where he’s run his hand through them, and despite the fact that you know he probably shaved this morning, he’s got fine stubble accentuating his damn right-angle jawline, framing his full lips. Damn you want to kiss him. You wonder what those lips would feel like on yours...

Miraculously, it only makes you want to defy him more.

Tonight’s Friday Fight Night. Coming all the way from Samoa to this little Californian city is a hulking 7-foot goliath of a man called “Chewbacca.” All week posters had been put up around town: Starfire vs Chewbacca, One Night Only. This was your night. If you could bring down Chewbacca, all the boxers in a 500-mile radius would come to test your mettle, and you’re more than positive that you could bring any one of them down. The money you’d get from this night alone would set you up even better than you already are.

And Poe’s suddenly telling you no.

“You heard me, sweetheart,” He says, leaning back to swing his ankles up onto the table-- those fucking. Untied. Combat boots. How the fuck does somebody wear combat boots with something that’s almost a damn suit?! Your eyes reluctantly trail up his picturesque body to meet his eyes, which are fixated on you like a predator: you know that look. It’s the look that tells you that you’d better damn well listen to what he’s telling you to do. “Finn’s going into the ring tonight.”

“Finn?!” You exclaim, because, well. Finn might be muscular enough to lift missiles and other payloads onto the underbelly of an F-16, and sure he’s been trained, but he’s not a boxer. He’s the co-owner. He doesn’t even have a boxing name.

“Yeah. Finn. Why’re you repeating everything I say? Something wrong with your ears, princesa?” He reaches forward and casually plucks one of his F-16 models off of his desk, turning in over and over in his hands. Usually his little nicknames are endearing to you. Always he’s calling you something other than your name, whether in Spanish or English. In fact, aside from repeating it when you first introduced yourself, you’re pretty positive he’s never said it otherwise. But right now, it’s just fucking annoying. You know he doesn’t mean it that way, but they sound mocking, almost, and you wanna throw yourself across the table and beat the shit out of him.

Or fuck the shit out of him.

You can’t tell. You’re gonna go with the former.

Although from the way your eyes are trained on his hands, admiring how fluid his movements are as he flips the airplane, you’re seriously fucking thinking about it. He’s just sitting there, sitting like that, all stretched out and leaning back playing with that jet with his deep brown eyes on you and a smolder on his face?! Good god.

You drag your gaze off his hands and cast a glare around the room, at his decorations and awards that clearly show off that he’s a fighter pilot. At the very reason for his cocky, arrogant self. Though you’re pretty sure he’s always been arrogant. He was born arrogant and cocky. He probably winked at his goddamn wet-nurse when he was born.

Sweet lord do you want him.

But you want so much more than... him.

You maybe want to wake up next to him. Maybe want to give him a kiss before he goes off to work. Maybe want to stay up late joking about corny old horror movies. Maybe you want to be his. But if Poe wanted you, he’d ask for you, wouldn’t he? Because he’s Poe Dameron, and he’s not afraid of anything, not even the prospect of rejection.

And it’s so fucking painful to be so close, yet so far. You’ve fallen hard for a man you’ll never have, and your heart is this close to breaking every goddamn day. Which is why you’ve bagged another job, in another town, far away from this place, far away from Poe, so that maybe you can recuperate from unrequited love. You told Poe just earlier today-- that you’d gotten a job, have a new apartment waiting for you, that it’s too far away, really, for rational visits, and that you’re already completely packed to move out of your roommate Jess’s place. You’ve known Poe for three years now, and you’ve never seen him go so... cold. At first you saw something like disappointment, but then his expression shifted. Guarded, cool, calm, he’d nodded and said, “Best of luck then, Y/L/N.” The use of your last name hurt-- it was so formal. Like you were strangers, when you aren’t. Really, you should be glad that he’s using nicknames for you now.

But it only makes it more painful. Once you move away... a writhing ball of grief has been clawing at your heart for weeks now. Leaving his presence will only make you feel worse for awhile, you know this, but eventually, you’ll recover. You’ll learn to deal with the fact that you fell in love with Poe Dameron, but he never loved you, not the way you wanted him to.

Honestly, you wonder if him being pissed has anything to do with him denying you to fight tonight. “You can’t tell me no. This is a golden opportunity for me.”

“A golden opportunity to get your head knocked off,” Poe quips, eyes flicking to you briefly. He sets the plane down, shifting his position so that he’s leaning on the desk and facing you. “I’ve met Chewbacca before. This guy...” He searches for the right word for a second, licking his lips. “This guy is massive.” He decides that’s the appropriate term, nodding to emphasize his point. “I’ve seen him fuck up guys that give you a hard time in thirty seconds flat. There are rumors going around that he ripped somebody’s arm off in New Zealand, I dunno if that’s...true, or not, but...” His hand comes up to scratch the back of his head for a second before slamming back into the table, his intense gaze meeting yours as he tries to get across the gravity of what he’s telling you. “I don’t want you getting hurt, princesa. I... You’re...”

I need you. You’re my best fighter. It’s what he always says. Sometimes it’s all you wonder if you’re good for to him. Nothing but a paycheck that does the dirty work for him. You stand from your chair abruptly. “Fuck you, Poe.” You’ve said it to him before, but on much lighter, not-serious terms, in a joking fashion. But this time you’re truly pissed. You let him know it; you storm out of there and slam the door behind you even though it’s never closed.

Last I checked, I’m still on the roster, Poe.

You should know by now that you can’t tell me what to do.

~~~

When you arrive at the Yavin 4 Boxing Club that night, ten minutes before the fight’s about to start, the street is packed with so many people anticipating the match that you have to park a block away and hightail it to the club before you miss your window. Fighting through the thick crowds isn’t so difficult. They recognize you at once and start chanting “Starfire,” which you can only hope Poe doesn’t hear, because that would give away your presence here.

It must not, because you make it to the locker room without any trouble, just in time to see a shirtless Finn wrapping his knuckles. “Yo, buddy,” You say, to which he turns and smiles when he sees you.

“Hey, Y/N! What’re you doing here?”

“What are you doing here, princesa?” Poe’s voice comes from behind you, and you heave a sigh. You’d really been hoping not to run into him tonight-- at least, not until you beat the living daylights out of Chewbacca.

You turn to find him glowering at you with his hands on his hips. He’s got the muscle tick and the sparks in his eyes, so you know this is probably the worst you’ve done so far. “The people came here to see Starfire fight Chewbacca,” You say with mock-cheerfulness, only making him clench his jaw. His anger only fuels your frustration. “So they’re gonna see Starfire fight Chewbacca.”

“I’ve got two grand on my fighter,” Poe points out, voice low and dangerous. His implication makes you so furious your fists tighten enough for your nails to cut into your skin. He thinks you can’t beat Chewbacca. It’s all about the dollar signs. This has nothing to do with you.

The words flow out of your mouth before you can stop them, and now you and Poe are nearly chest-to-chest and fuming like bulls seeing a red cape. “That all you care about? Money? That all you ever care about?”

“Guys--” Finn tries, but Poe talks over him in order to say firmly to you, “Finn is bigger, broader, he can take the hits.”

“You think I can’t?”

His blunt honesty surprises you. “No, I don’t. I think you’re gonna get your ass creamed in that fucking ring, and I’m trying to protect you!”

“I don’t need protection, Poe!”

You two are kind of circling each other now, and your shouts have escalated into a yelling match. “I’ve got money, reputation, and your safety riding on this--”

“Oh, my safety’s last on your fucking list, isn’t it?” The built-up frustration of the last several months of being near him but not with him is flowing more fury behind your words, and you’re ready to get Poe on the floor and--.... well, you’re not sure what, but he’s not gonna like whatever it is you’re gonna do. “I’m gonna fuck you up, Poe Dameron!”

He’s undeterred, of course, and shouts right back at you. “You wanna fuck me, huh?! Go right ahead! I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t be able to fucking walk!”

“Guys!” Finn puts himself between you two.

Which is good, because you have no fucking idea how Poe got “I’m gonna fuck you” out of an angry “I’m gonna fuck you up” and why for some reason, he thought you’d said that in anger, as a threat. Not to mention he’d “threatened” to fuck you back, to the point of not walking? The images he just put in your head... Despite the fact that you’re both frustrated with each other, you both pause, brows furrowed, for a distinct what the fuck moment.

Finn shares in your what the fuck moment, looking between you two with disbelief. “Wait, what? That what this is about? You guys have some deep sexual tension you need to work out? I need to step outta the room? You wanna head somewhere else maybe?”

“Shut up, Finn,” Poe snaps, and pushes past him so that you and him are face-to-face again. Behind him, Finn throws his hands up in exasperation before addressing the ceiling.

“I tried, God. Really, I did.”

Poe’s hands are on his hips again as he glares at you. “...Don’t go out there.”

You turn on your heel without a word and plop your bag down, stripping yourself of your jacket and shoes so that you’re only in sweats and a tank top-- it’s how you usually fight. You wrap your knuckles, blatantly ignoring Poe’s presence. Even as he comes up behind you, so close he’s nearly flush against your back. He doesn’t touch you, but he doesn’t have to. His voice is all but a husky growl in your ear, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine: “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, babygirl.”

A shudder wracks your body, a shudder which he most definitely notices. When you turn to look over your shoulder at him, he has a look in his eyes that outdoes his usual spark. It’s more of a fire, one that makes your stomach flip in all the right ways. His face is inches from yours, and you half consider pulling him in for a kiss--

--but if he wanted it, he’d have done it himself. You frown as the giddiness is replaced by frustration. Anger. Toward yourself, of course, for not being good enough for Poe to want to be yours just as badly as you wish you were his. You turn your back on him and leave the locker room, going straight for the ring.

As soon as you exit, you’re greeted by a swarm of cheering audience, half-drunk already. Bets are being passed around, and you angrily remember Poe pointedly telling you that he has two grand on this fight. Oh, that pisses you off. You’re gonna beat Chewbacca solely based on your anger toward Poe.

People part before you like reeds under the prow of a boat, so you’re easily able to reach the ring. You grab hold of the ropes and haul yourself up into the arena, your ears ringing with the reverberations of the cheering crowd, bouncing off the walls and pounding into your skull.

You’re eager to get into the arena. You want to beat the shit out of this Chewbacca.

Almost immediately upon entering that ring, you regret your decision.

You feel the blood drain from your face at the sight of your massive, massive opponent. He really is over seven feet tall, isn’t he? This guy is ridiculously enormous. Even Finn, at 6′ 2″, would have been absolutely dwarfed against him. Rippling with corded muscle underneath of dark caramel-brown skin, he must be nearly eight feet tall. Thick, long hair, brown-and-black, falls from his head, tumbling far down his back. He’s a literal giant. Yes, you’re strong, but you’re still much smaller and much more frail than this guy. Finn lifts missiles onto jets for a living. He might have been able to get a few hits in, might have been able to wrestle this guy to the ground and keep him there. You... you’ll be lucky if you get a single hit in. You’re beginning to understand why Poe didn’t want you in this fight.

“Oh fuck...” You breathe, but there’s no backing out now.

“Ready?” The announcer calls out, and you barely have time to raise your fists before Chewbacca rushes you. He swings high, aiming for your head with a guttural roar that sounds more animal than human. You dodge, intending to go low, but this guy clearly knows more about boxing than you do. Maybe his entire life has been about boxing.

His knee comes up and cracks you hard in the face. Your nose isn’t broken, but blood pours freely from it and you see stars from the impact. You’ve bitten your tongue (not badly enough to bite it off, but it only adds to your injury), and with the sudden silence of the crowd you can hear your ears ringing from the blow. In a daze, you stand there for a second, unsure of what exactly is happening, even when Chewbacca picks you up and throws you across the ring.

You roll up against the rope barriers and come to a stop, unable to move enough to even make a show of struggling. You’ve been K-O’d in 10 seconds flat, when Finn might’ve maybe lasted 30. You’re suddenly fully aware of Poe’s position: it wasn’t if anybody could win, he probably had a bet on how long his fighter could last against Chewbacca. Why risk his best fighter that brings in all his money? If you’re not out for a couple weeks, you’ll be surprised— wait, what are you talking about? Weren’t you planning on moving on Monday? Fuck, you can’t even think straight. You don’t know that you’ve been named the loser until you’re being carried toward an ambulance against a familiar chest that smells of jet fuel and iron. Poe is carrying you.

You’re placed on a stretcher, and you wonder if the crowds are disappointed that they came from who-knows-where to witness Chewbacca floor you in 10 seconds.

~~~

So, you’ve suffered a concussion.

Not a bad one, but a concussion.

Moving will have to be put off till next week, so you’ve made plans to wait until next Monday. For three days, you’re in the hospital under watch for any signs of anything worse than your concussion, or complications due to— you get a visit from Chewbacca, who humbly apologizes for knocking you so hard. In fact, he’s a pretty nice guy. Besides him, Jess comes to see you, make sure you’re alright; Finn, Rey, and even grumpy old Ben visits you.

But not Poe.

“He was here with you while you were out of it,” Rey tells you when you dare to ask, “He was out of his mind with worry— still is. But because you’re out...” she sighs, regrettably, “He had to go back to the club. Sort things out before he risks losing the fame he’s built up.”

Ah. Because of you, in a sense. If you’d just listened to him, he wouldn’t be in this position. No wonder Poe doesn’t want to be with you. You’re nothing but trouble.

So you text him with a simple, I’m sorry, Poe.

But he doesn’t respond. The idiot still has his read receipts on, so you know he got it. Fine, he can be that way for all you care. Which you do, very much, but you have to try not to.

You hear nothing from Poe while in the hospital, not your first couple days home. It’s almost been a week until you hear from him again. You’re sitting on your shared couch, while Jess sits in the nearby chair eating popcorn— you’re not sure what you guys are watching, you’re too concerned with Poe. Which you shouldn’t be. But you are.

Bloop. Your phone goes off. Somebody texted you. You’d be lying if you said your heart wasn’t pounding with the hope that it’s Poe, and then if you said it didn’t soar with a combination of relief and anxiety when you see his name on the bar of the text.

Get to the club. Now.

A vague and mildly-exciting order. But despite your earlier disobedience costing him two grand, reputation, and quite nearly his club, you feel the need to text back— albeit immediately— with:

You don’t text me for a week and now you want me at the club? Why?

There’s brief hesitation. Then you see bubbles, and with a zoom sound effect, Poe responds with a firm, simple answer.

I said NOW.

Fine. Be an asshole then, don’t tell me, you think as you slam your phone down. You briefly, briefly, consider not going. But his adamancy has you concerned. He doesn’t text you for a week and then is telling you to get to the club ASAP? The why is so powerful you barely question the when.

So you tell Jess you’re going out, and toss on a pair of sweats and a hoodie. When you get to the club, you’re surprised to only see Poe’s pitch black corvette sitting out front. Nobody else is here, and the club is, to outsiders, closed.

“What the fuck, Poe?” You mutter to yourself in your car, extremely confused. You force yourself not to run to the building. You need to act nonchalant about this. Like maybe you’re not as worried as you really are.

You have to knock, because for some reason, the doors are locked. When he doesn’t answer the first time, you try to knock a little more carefully, trying not to seem like you’re ready to kick the door down yourself and call 911.

But he answers. He’s wearing that spotless, gunmetal gray blazer with the sleeves rolled up, the white shirt that has a cover over the buttons, and a pair of black jeans with those stupid untied combat boots. That fire you seen in his eyes last you set eyes on him is blazing in his coffee irises. His curls are disheveled, and his jaw clenches at the sight of you. Suddenly you’re aware that the last thing he said to you before he texted was that he’d fuck you so hard you wouldn’t be able to walk.

“You came,” He comments dryly.

“You told me to,” You state the obvious.

Poe scoffs, eyes casting around the parking lot in disbelief. “Since when have you decided to do what I say?”

“Look--” You sigh, heavily, because despite you leaving in a few days, you don’t want to part from him on bad terms. You want to see him smile one more time before you go, keep it emblazoned in your memory. “Can we talk inside? Or you wanna do this out in the cold, rainy night for aesthetic?”

With a snort of amusement, Poe backs up, allowing you to slide past him into the small foyer. Behind you, he all but slams the door before he locks it-- the action makes you shudder, because now you’re thinking thoughts you shouldn’t be thinking. It doesn’t help that he’s fucking smirking, like the asshole somehow knows about the twist he just caused in your stomach.

You try to push away the flood of unwanted emotions that will just complicate things. You never understood the whole yearning thing, until you met Poe, and now, you get it. You wish he’d ask you out, and even now you’d probably scream yes as if he just asked you to marry him, putting off moving indefinitely. You’re sure-- more than positive-- that he knows what he’s doing to you. A combination of wanting to be able to call yourself his girl, and, right now, a whole lot of sexual frustration. Slamming and locking a door shouldn’t turn you on, but it did, and now you have to get rid of that little emotion, too.

You’re by the ring before either of you say anything. “What do you want, Poe?” You turn to face him with your arms crossed, but your whole nonchalant persona crumbles to bit when you see his face.

Poe’s irises are blown black, and he’s watching you like a wolf ready to devour its prey. His jaw is clenched and his hands are on his hips, and he looks like its taking every ounce of his being to hold back from doing whatever it is he wants to do to you. His neck is visibly straining with effort, although aside from being flushed, his face shows no other emotion but irritation.

At this point, you’d gladly let him do whatever he wants.

You think him locking the door turned you on? That’s nothing compared to what you’re feeling now. There’s a rush of warmth between your legs, and you shift slightly, trying to fight the ache in your core-- and you really really hope he can’t tell.

“What do I want?” Poe echoes softly. He doesn’t move his hands from his hips as he steps toward you, and he doesn’t have to. For every step he takes, you back up, until you’re up against the ring’s raised floor. You act as if he has an arm on either side of you, but you’re not threatened. He gets up so that he’s inches from you, just inches, and dear god if he doesn’t close the distance--

“I want you to get on your knees. Crawl. And beg me to fuck you.”

Oh god.

He’s entirely unfazed by the effect his words have on you-- you can’t control it. You let out a sound that’s somewhere close to a moan, but more of a gasp. Physically, you pinch your arm to make sure you’re not dreaming. Nope, it’s fucking real alright. Poe just said that to you, and he’s entirely serious. You want to be angry that that’s all he seems to want from you... but now there’s a wetness between your legs you can’t ignore, and you desperately want him to take care of it.

Hungrily, you think, his eyes flick up-and-down your body, but he doesn’t move. “But we can’t all have what we want.”

Damn him to hell, he’s doing it on purpose. He knows what he does to you, what he’s doing to you. What, is it some kind of punishment? “You can,” You blurt out before you can stop yourself. “You could get anything you wanted.”

“Can I?” He arches a brow, his tone mocking. “Even you?”

All rhyme or reason has left your head. All you can think about is him touching you, and you know if you walk out now and leave you’ll never forget the time you could have been railed by Poe Dameron. Even if he never loves you, you can at least know that for one night... he was all yours.

But your voice fails you. You try to speak but you can’t form the words, so you nod. There’s a flash of emotion across Poe’s face, but it’s gone so quickly you can’t read it. He takes another step closer, nodding for emphasis. “Oh yeah? You gonna be a good girl and do what I say?”

“Y-yes.” You have your back against the wall now, and Poe only comes closer, shaking his head.

“I don’t know about that, sweetheart. Last time I told you to do something, you ignored me. I think, before I do anything, I’m gonna have to teach you how to behave.”

“That’s how we’re gonna play this?” You breathe, trying to speak around your dry mouth.

“Turn around,” He orders, jerking a vague nod to your question while also indicating the rope fence above you. “Grab the ropes.” You do what he says, immediately, desperate for his hands on you--

--but nothing happens. You expect a laugh and a joke about how horny you are for him, and you’re ready to whip around and punch him squarely in the face. But... then you hear something... unexpected. “...Y/N,” Poe says softly, almost a whisper. There’s no trace of his bravado, only warmth. And it’s the first time he’s said your name since he met you. He comes to stand beside you-- the fire is gone. He looks almost anxious, maybe a little hopeful, and definitely softer than he’s been with you. “Color system. Green is we’re good, yellow we need to slow down, red’s a full stop. If you don’t want to do this... tell me now.”

Maybe you’re overthinking things, but you swear he’s just as desperate as you are right now. But not for sex. Maybe for something else. Something more. You let go of the rope so that you can face him, tentatively putting your hands on his chest. He inhales abruptly, closing his eyes for a second. His hands shoot to your waist as if to steady himself and convince himself that you’re really there at once. “Poe...” You want to ask him if he feels the same way you do, but before you can say a word, his lips are on yours.

You’ve hardly started moving your lips against his in response when his tongue swipes across your bottom lip, begging for entrance. Eagerly, you open your mouth to him, and he tilts his head to get a better angle; briefly his tongue fights yours, and he pulls your body flush against him almost possessively as he takes control, licking deep into your mouth. Poe hungrily kisses you, thoroughly exploring you in the most passionate kiss you’ve ever experienced in your life that seems to last only a few moments-- you break away for air far too soon, breathing heavily.

Poe gives a breathless chuckle, lips red and swollen. “I take it you are okay with this, then.” A hand leaves your hip to retrieve something from his pocket, and he lifts a pair of handcuffs and gloves between you. You have no idea what he plans on using them for, but you trust him, especially since the first thing he asks is, “Color?”

“Green,” You pant, and turn to grab the ropes again. Poe reaches up alongside you and carefully cuffs you to the rope, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he moves to stand behind you.

You hear the exaggerated snap of him pulling on the gloves seconds before he pulls your hips back a little, kicking your ankles apart. Internally, you curse yourself for not wearing lacy panties or anything impressive: just a sports bra and a pair of boxer briefs. Not that it matters anyway, because Poe doesn’t even care what you’re wearing: in one swift move, he yanks your pants and briefs down to the floor. You hear him let out an appreciative exhale at the sight of you, and his hands find your hips again. “Eres hermosa, princesa,” He breathes.

“That better have been a compli--” You’re cut short, words trailing to a moan, as he grinds into your soaking core, interrupting any hope for a complete sentence you may have had.

“I’m gonna show you what happens when you don’t listen to me, sweet thing,” He whispers as he rocks into you, not that you can even comprehend what he’s telling you when he’s humping you. “You want me to fuck you? Show me you’re paying attention. Count for me.”

Poe’s hips stop moving as he backs up, but you don’t have time to ask count what? His gloved hand comes down hard on your ass, and the sound echoes in the emptiness of the ring, obscenely loud and mingled with your yelp of alarm. Did he just--

It feels like a hundred bees have decided inexplicably to sting your ass at once. It burns, and your cheeks throb; he does it again at the height of the pain, and you can’t deny that despite the fact that tears are jumping to your eyes and it hurts, his actions are only adding to the wetness between your legs. “I gave you an order,” Poe snaps, punctuating his sentence with another smack. “What did I say?”

Your foggy mind struggles to understand his words, and when you do, it takes you an agonizingly long time to remember what he did tell you. “T... To count,” You choke out.

“Good. Now I’m gonna have to start over.” Oh lord. “You gonna count this time?”

“Y-yes...”

“Yes what?”

At first you’re not sure what he means, but then you realize he wants you to call him something-- he’s an officer, what else are you going to call him? “Sir. Yes sir.”

“Good girl,” He tells you, and you can’t help it; you moan at the praise. He picks up on it immediately, his tone almost teasing as he leans over you from behind. “You like that, huh? Like it when I call you a good girl?” You can only whimper in response; he has a forearm around your waist to steady you, and his touch is like hot fire even when you can’t feel his skin. You want to tear his clothes off and wrestle him to the ground-- maybe it wasn’t a good idea for you to let him cuff you, because if you don’t go insane from his lack of touch, you’ll be missing your guess. “You gonna count for me?”

“Yes sir,” You manage, and Poe chuckles-- at your agony, at how badly you want him, you can’t tell, and you decide you don’t care when he slaps your ass so hard you’re surprised you don’t see stars. Barely, you manage to choke out one. Then two. The hard smack of his hand sheathed in a thin but painful layer of rubber stings twiceover with every slap he delivers, and your knees start to shake with the strain of keeping you standing. You get to six before you falter, missing one.

“Naughty, naughty, babygirl,” Poe says, running his hand down your cheeks to try and soothe them, “I told you to count. Use your words, sweet thing, or I’m gonna have to start over again.”

“F-five,” You wheeze, not intending to go through twice what he’s intending for you.

“...It’s six,” Poe corrects softly. “You learn your lesson yet, or you think you need more? You gonna listen to what I say?”

Finally. The respite has your ass so sore and stinging that you can’t imagine sitting for awhile-- he’s making good on his promise to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk for a week. He massages your cheeks, leaning over you from behind. “...You okay?”

The cuffs are all that’s keeping you standing at this point, your legs are shaking so badly. Tears streak down your cheeks. Poe shifts from leaving his hands on you to helping hold you up. “Too far?” You manage to shake your head, because even though it stings, you liked it. And you want more from him. Whatever else he had in mind for you.

“Color?”

“Yellow,” You breathe, because you do need a minute to recover. Immediately Poe reaches up, uncuffing you from the ropes; you fall, limp as a ragdoll, but he catches you effortlessly. With one swift movement, he sweeps you up against his chest bridal style and carries you up into the ring. By the time you’re up there, the initial shock has left you-- and you want more. You pat his chest as he goes to set you down. “Poe. Green.”

He smiles, kissing your forehead. “Cuffs still good for you?”

“Yeah.”

Poe steadies you as he sets you on your feet, waiting to see if you can stand on your own. Once he’s sure you can, he hooks his fingers under the hem of your hoodie, pulling it up over your head along with your bra. Carelessly, he tosses them to the side without taking his eyes off your naked form. “...You’re beautiful, cariño.” He backs you up against the ropes, which hold your weight just as well as the wall for now. “Why did we wait...?” He breathes, and at first you barely catch what he said because you’re too focused on him cuffing your arms over a rope and behind your back, supporting your form even if your legs were to give out. He doesn’t give you time to answer, though, because his mouth is on yours, kissing you breathless. His hands trail up your body, coming to squeeze your breasts-- he hasn’t taken the gloves off.

He smiles into the kiss as you arch against him with a groan. Pulling away from your lips, he leaves a hot trail of wet kisses down your neck, biting and sucking and licking until your knees give. A hand leaves your breast to hold you up, wrapping around your back until you’re prone like one of those ridiculous movie posters from the sixties in a vampire’s arms. As if sensing your thoughts, he bites down on your collarbone hard, actually growling when you cry out. He soothes the mark with gentle licks, trailing lower, and lower.

Seemingly of its own accord, your head throws back when he takes your nipple into his hot mouth, sucking hard enough to hurt, until you’re sure he must have a hold of your whole breast and is going to rip it clean off your body. The other he squeezes hard, pinching and twisting and you’re sure he’s going to make you orgasm just from this alone. The pressure builds in your lower abdomen, and builds, and you’re on the cusp of cumming right there--

--and then he stops. He pulls back with a pop, wiping his mouth on the back of his sleeve and licking his lips. “I don’t think so, baby. Not yet, not until I tell you. Understand?” Your hips buck and you whimper, desperate for that release, but he only holds your hips still as he catches his breath against your chest. It’s gone too soon, and only when you’ll need to be built up again does Poe do anything: he licks a thick stripe up your abused breast, pausing only to lap at the sore nipple before continuing up to your neck. “Good girl,” He whispers in your ear, low and husky.

Poe takes a step back, putting a hand on his hip and bringing the other up to your mouth. “Open up.” He slips his fingers in and you do what he wants: you start sucking, gauging his reaction as you swirl your tongue around his digits. You must be doing something right, because his lust-blown eyes are trained on you as he nods in confirmation, biting his lip. “That’s it. Get ‘em real wet, babygirl.” He has you suck until you’re drooling down your chin, and then he starts to pull his fingers out; you catch the glove with your teeth, trying to pull it off. Poe freezes, pursing his lips. “You really wanna try that, cosa dulce? I need to punish you again?” Reluctantly, you release the glove. “That’s what I thought.”

His fingers trail down your neck, down between your breasts and abdomen. Your hips buck as he gets closer to where you want him, and he shakes his head, clicking his tongue. “I don’t think so, chica bonita. You want me to take care of you? Let’s see if you can stop moving.”

You grin, growing bold. “Let’s see you get off as well as you will with me if I shout red.” Pointedly, you glance down to the obvious tent in his pants, and he frowns. “Stop teasing me, Poe. Take the gloves off.”

He starts nodding, eyebrows arching cockily. His eyes gleam with an idea, one you’re certain both takes care of the problem but also avoids it for as long as possible. “You want me to take the gloves off?” He gives you a smug smirk. “Alright then; I’ll take the gloves off.” Poe steadies you by your hips and slots his thigh between your legs, pressing it up toward your core. You can’t help yourself: you whine, rocking your hips against his leg desperately. His hands now free, he starts taking off his gloves, painfully slowly, gently tugging at the fingertips. “You wanna cum before I can touch you, sweetheart? You’re gonna do it right here.”

Oh hell.

He knows you’d much rather have his fingers buried deep inside you rather than humping his thigh, knows you’re gonna have to try and resist the urge to rock your hips even though every fiber of your body is telling you to move, to get that friction at any cost. But you don’t. You grind once, twice, then groan in frustration through your teeth and force yourself to sit still. The bastard knows you’re not gonna call red, not when you need him so badly. Not when you so desperately want him to fuck you into oblivion. It takes every ounce of willpower you have, and then some, as he watches you struggle with a smug-ass grin. He starts pushing his thigh up into you, moving back-and-forth and flexing his quads as he tries to prompt you to move, creating just enough friction to be agonizingly out of reach. You wonder what kind of sex-school he went to in order to learn this, vaguely in your puddle of a brain.

You’re a whining, panting mess by the time he gets the first glove off, and now you’re regretting making him take them off. Poe removes his thigh from between your legs, and you whimper at the loss of pressure. “You want me to touch you? I told you earlier to beg. Maybe if you be good and do what I told you, I’ll go a little faster.”

You have, in this moment, zero willpower to resist anymore. You need him. “P-please Poe, please--”

“Please what?” It’s the taunting I can’t hear you, and you growl in frustration. The bastard actually chuckles.

“Sir, please sir--”

He tears the glove off and slips his hand between your legs-- you let out the most obscene moan possibly ever uttered on the face of the planet when he swipes his fingers up through your folds, teasing your clit with his thumb. “Soaking already, babygirl? How long you wanted this from me, huh?” You can’t speak, unleashing some kind of whimpering squeal that makes him smirk. “Speak up, sweetheart.”

“L...Long... T-time...” Your stuttering sentence trails off as he slides two fingers inside you, curling them to hit that perfect sweet spot-- how he found it so quickly is beyond you, literally, because you don’t care. All you care about at the moment is reaching that ecstasy just out of reach, rocking against his hand as he fingers you to the brink of shattering oblivion before pulling back, easing his ministrations so that you can’t reach your release. He gets you so close and then takes it away, repeatedly, so many times you’re beginning to wonder if you’ll even be able to reach an orgasm after this.

Poe pulls back, and you’re breathing and whining like you just ran a three-day marathon without breaks. The ache in your core is almost painful, throbbing and pulling at you from deep inside, needing to release itself, and you’re sure if he doesn’t let you cum, you’ll actually explode from the pressure. You buck your hips toward him as you let out a whimper, seeing him lick his fingers clean of your juices. When he’s done torturing you with that image, his hands find your hips. “Color?”

“Poe-- the color is green, if you ask me one more fucking time and don’t actually do something, I swear--”

Poe smirks to himself, and in one swift move has shrugged his blazer off. He rolls up his sleeves, and your heart stutters as he jerks his chin at you. “Greedy girl. My fingers not good enough for you?” Before you can so much as blink, he’s on his knees, hooking your right leg over his shoulder and shooting you a cocky grin. “Good thing you taste so good, hermosa.”

That’s all the warning you get before he’s diving into your heat, dragging his tongue up your sex. You yelp, trying to rock against him, but even though you’re half-standing, he somehow has you pinned. You can’t move more than an inch in any direction, left only to be a moaning mess as he laps at you relentlessly, messily, his stubble chafing your inner thighs and scratching at your folds in a sinfully blissful way. His nose brushes against your clit, giving you that extra bit of friction as he dips his tongue inside you, licking at your walls.

Never in your life have you yowled like a cat in heat, crying out probably loudly enough for the people on the street to hear you as he pleasures you. “Come on, baby,” He groans into you, “Let go, I’ve got you.” You actually scream when you cum, and it trails off into a moan as he eagerly eats you out like he’s a man with his last meal, savoring the sweet taste of you on his tongue, circling your entrance and lapping at your heat, easing you through the shuddering waves of your powerful high.

“You good?” He whispers as he pulled away, licking his lips. You wish you could feel embarrassed about the way your release glistens all over his face, but... it’s kinda hot...

You nod breathlessly, and he immediately stands up, reaching behind you to undo the handcuffs. “You’re such a good girl for me, sweetheart.” He eases you to the floor, getting you on your hands and knees. You know what’s coming next, so you obey, biting your lip when you hear him undoing his belt. “Beg me to stuff your pussy, pretty baby.”

“Please, please--”

Apparently that’s all he needed. He gets down on his knees behind you and spreads your legs apart, and you hear a smile in his voice when he says, “Mírate, cosita bonita. ¿Todo para mí?”

“Huh?” You choke out.

“You’re gorgeous, you sweet girl,” Poe replies, but you’re not entirely sure he answered your question. You don’t have time to think, though, because Poe is sliding his length into you, taking it slow so you can grow used to his sheer size-- he didn’t give you warning, didn’t give you a chance to see him so that you’re prepared-- even only his tip seems too much for you. You don’t have to tell him yellow, he knows to slow down for you, taking a moment of pause for you. He reaches up to tuck strands of your sweaty hair behind your ear, silently asking if you’re alright; he only continues when you nod, giving him unspoken permission. You cry out as he keeps going, stretching you well past your limit, doubling over you, grinding his forehead into your spine and eliciting a feral growl. “Oh, baby,” He moans into your back. His hands are gripping your hips tightly enough to leave bruises. “You’re so fucking tight...”

Your whole body feels hyper-aware of every minute touch to your skin. His calloused fingers sliding up and down your sides as he freezes once he’s up to the hilt, giving you another pause. His ragged heavy breath on your spine, and his necklace hanging low enough to rest on your back. The cool metal makes you shiver against him, especially as he wraps an arm around your middle, his other steadying himself on the floor of the ring. Most of your focus, though, is between your legs, where he’s stretched you farther than anyone ever has before, reaching much deeper than you thought was possible. “You good, babygirl?” He breathes, “Should I stop?”

“Um, no,” You whisper in a strained hiss, making him chuckle against your skin. “Did you just plan on staying like this, or are you gonna move?” He kisses your shoulder and pulls back a few inches before thrusting back in, slowly at first, until you urge him to go faster, harder, giving him permission to let himself go into that wild frenzy you see in his eyes. He’s pounding into you fast enough and hard enough to take your breath away. When you reach your climax your vision goes white, your ears ringing with both your screams and his. But he’s still hard and you’re still wanting, so neither of you can stop there; he pulls you up so that you’re flush against his chest, holding you by your neck and jaw with one hand, his arm a barrier across your chest as he holds your shoulder.

You keep going. He whispers sweet praises alongside dirty promises of filling you up again, and again, and again, until you’re so full of him that you’ll never be able to move again without feeling him inside you. His passionate, gentle kisses are stark contrasts to how violently he ruts into you, and if you didn’t know any better, desperately.

There comes a point where you can’t take it anymore. Where no matter how much you love this, how he’s fucking you so intensely you’re seeing stars and can’t breathe, you feel like if he keeps going you’re going to crack in half. He makes a fist in your hair and pulls your head back to deliver sloppy, passionate kisses to your mouth, still thrusting into you, albeit more gently. “Poe...”

“I know, baby, I know,” He breathes, and he’s flipping you over to lay you down on your back. “One more, sweet thing. Can you give me one more?”

You nod, breathless. Because you have to. You don’t want this to end, because you’re terrified of what will come after. Will he regret it? Will he do what you fear most, and only view you as a one-time fling? You can only hope not. But it seems you might not have to worry after all.

Poe guides your legs to wrap around his wide hips. His hands find yours and he entwines your fingers together. As he thrusts slow enough to keep from hurting you (but still plenty firm enough), his lips are on yours, tongues battling for dominance in a mess of heated breaths and moans. “Y/N, Y/N...” Poe’s breathing your name like a mantra with each rock of his hips into yours. His kisses trail to your neck as his thrusts increase their pace, losing their rhythm. “Cum with me, you perfect girl,” He whispers in your ear, and that does it for you-- with a soft, strained cry, your walls clench around him as he spills himself inside you, leaving you both breathless and boneless when the waves of your shared ecstasy fade.

You both collapse right where you are, dazed and covered in a sheen of sweat that’s chilling you to your core in the cool air of the ring. You’re shivering like a withered leaf, and Poe immediately takes action. He pulls out of you, pressing a kiss to your cheek when you whine from the sudden emptiness-- and, if you’re honest, your pitiful sound was partly inspired by how absentminded he is all of a sudden. He leaves the ring completely, and you’re left laying naked in the ring, unable to move and freezing; Poe doesn’t leave you wondering. He returns-- having clearly washed up-- with your clothes and a couple of rags. Gentle as ever, he cleans you up, careful of your sensitive flesh, and even helps you dress. He drapes he blazer over your shoulder and does one button so that it stays on you. He carries you out of the ring and into his much warmer office, where he keeps you in his lap when he sits in his leather chair. You curl up against him, nestling your head up under his chin.

“...Don’t go,” He whispers softly. Confused, you lift your head to be able to look at him. He closes his eyes, pressing a series of gentle kisses to your temple. “I’ll give you fight nights on Saturday, too. The whole damn week if you want. Just... don’t move away. Please.”

You drop your forehead onto his collarbone, sighing through your nose. “That... wasn’t why I was moving, Poe.”

“Ok, was is the keyword here,” He mumbles, and you can hear faint amusement in his voice. “I’m taking note of that. Just letting you know.” When you start stifling laughter, Poe chuckles and shifts so that he’s hugging you against him, resting his chin on your head. “Go on.”

“I was moving because of you.”

“Ouch.”

“Not like that.” Absentmindedly, you trace the wrinkles of his shirt. The words still don’t come very easily, but considering what’s just happened between the two of you, it’s fairly easier. “I... Really, really like you, Poe. I have for awhile. But you’ve never seemed interested, and you’re you, so if you were I knew you’d ask, and it was painful to be so near to you, so I figured moving away would be better, but it was painful and I didn’t want to and now with what happened with Chewbacca I was sure you hated me—“

Your jumbled slew of chopped sentences and slurred words that don’t even begin to scratch the surface of your emotions is put to a stop when Poe slowly reaches up to playfully cover your mouth. His deep chuckles reverberate through your head as he says, “Ok, I’m gonna respond to you in the order of which you said it.” His hand moves from your mouth to cradle your head. “First of all: if you weren’t able to tell, I like you too, but... it’s a bit stronger than that.” Your heart jumps. “I’ve never been able to say anything because you’re different— I didn’t want a fling or a casual hook-up. That’s easy. What’s really difficult is letting someone you really care for know it. I know we’ve known each other for years now, but I wanted to ask you out, to date you— though now I guess we’ve skipped most of those bases.”

You snort with amusement, making him smile as he buries his face in your hair. “...Then you said you were moving away. I figured if you were going that far without a problem, you didn’t want anything to do with me. Figured I’d blown all my chances. So I... I decided I better make a move. This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but... I’m hoping it worked.”

“...What about what I did? I—“

“We’re good, sweetheart. Chewbacca’s signed on with us, so now we’ve got two of the best fighters in our ring.” He kisses your temple. “...I didn’t want you going in there because I didn’t want you getting hurt.”

“I know that now,” You say, tilting your head so that you’re eye-to-eye. “I’m sorry I made you worry.”

“Worry? I was fucking terrified,” He corrects, though it’s lighthearted. He nudges your nose with his. “So... you’re not moving anymore, right?”

How could you? You had no reason to anymore. Poe wanted to be with you, and that’s all you’d wanted. Just a chance. “Nope,” You reply with a smile. “Though now I’ve gotta unpack all my stuff, cancel that new lease, tell the club I’d signed up to... It might be easier just to move anyway.” You’re teasing, of course, and he knows it. He shakes his head with amusement.

“I’ll take care of it. I’ll even help you unpack, but I’ve got a suggestion. It might be stupid, but I’ve gotta ask.” When you nod, he pulls a little back from you so that he can give you his serious talking-business face. “What if— again, this might be stupid— now we’ve known each other for three years, right? We practically live together anyway. How many times have we stayed over at each other’s places for a day or two just for the hell of it? I’m just saying: I mean, we’d be pretty good roommates.” Slowly, a smile creeps across your face as he continues. “The food’s good. Can’t complain about room service. There’s a one-animal petting zoo. The sex is amazing— you’ll be bunking with the greatest fighter pilot in the galaxy, after all. At-home dates. Plenty of room, too.”

You wrap your arms around his neck. “Poe?”

“Hm?”

“You don’t need to advertise. You could just ask.”

He swallows hard, almost nervous. “...Ok then. How about you move in with me?”

You pretend to think about it, then give him a peck on the cheek. “Sounds great.”

Poe’s face lights up in a beaming grin. “Really?”

“Yeah.” You embrace him tightly, which he eagerly returns. “...How about we start tonight? Wanna go cuddle on your ridiculously soft bed?”

“Ah-ah,” He laughs, standing with you in his arms. “Our ridiculously soft bed.”

“Ours,” You agree. It wasn’t exactly how you’d pictured it— not a heart-wrenching declaration of love that involved flowers, maybe some rain... but it was probably better, honestly. It was finally happening between the two of you, and you couldn’t fathom anything else having lead to it now.

It was completely, fully, a very Poe way of doing things; and you couldn’t be happier.

Even if he had made good on his promise to make sure you couldn’t walk.

______________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading!

I'm sorry if you didn't want to be tagged here, or if I forgot anyone-- I used my Banks of the Nile taglist like I'd said I would. You don't have to read it though! <3

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[sunntownn]

➪

,,GN! reader,, romantic relationship

➪

,, getting a request from my favorite space robot author???? on my birthday????? bro,, imma cry deadass,,

➪

,, TW!! ,, kidnapping

➪

,, word count,, 1111

𝐊𝐕 𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐀𝐆𝐄

▪︎ when ravage was deployed from soundwave and sent down to earth to assist in megatron's arrival, you happened to have chosen the wrong spot to eat during your lunch break

▪︎ lets be honest, if you were stuck in some underground secret military facility all damn day staring at some space junk while topside was a beautiful veiw of the afternoon orange sun bouncing of the waves of the ocean as they crashed against the sand like a beautiful melody, then you'd eat you there too (and you are you, so, lucky you)

▪︎ you had nearly choked on your food when a giant robot space cat the size of your car ran right fucking passed you.

it's tail scraped your cheek and drew blood

▪︎ you were a witness that would alert the authorities if they had let you go, so, horray you're kind of a hostage?

▪︎ you didnt really serve as much of a threat so they werent quite worried about watching you constantly, however ravage kept one oversized optic on you at all times

▪︎ the original plan was to smush you, but you had approached ravage with headpats. and although his grumpy ass wouldn't admit it, he liked the headpats :(

▪︎ convinces megatron to let you stay, something along the lines of "the human scientist has been studying the fragment of the alspark far longer than any Cybertronian has had the pleasure of holding it" as to prove your usefulness and what-not

▪︎ just wanted more headpats,,

▪︎ after a while ravage's affections towards you became more noticeable among the cons and they left him be, not without a few comments tho

▪︎ eventually you two would find yourselves head bumping each other and being all too cozy for a Cybertronian and an organic

▪︎ lucky for you, the old abandoned building the cons had been using as their temporary base of operations used to be a common meet up spot for petty thievery

▪︎ unluckly for whatever crooks left thier junk behind when the cons showed up and squished them, they left some valuable entertainment for a kind-of-prisoner

▪︎ ravage watched you plug up the television, casually lounging on the platform like a lazy house cat

▪︎ however when the just dance home screen popped up, poor kitty was so confused 😕

▪︎ why are the human in the recordings so,, colorful? where are their features? where did the backup dancers come from? why are they moving like that??????

▪︎ you quickly searched up a song and stood up in front of the tv

▪︎ if ravage had an eyebrow, or ya know, another eye, he would be this emoji 🤨 but with cat ears

▪︎ and then you started copying the stangly feature-less rainbow humans

︎▪︎hes mortified

▪︎ has no idea whats happening,, completely baffled in a traumatizing way,,

▪︎ at first he tries to come up with a logical reason to this... activity,, he comes up with nothing

▪︎ stabs the tv with his tail

𝐓𝐅𝐀 𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐙𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆

▪︎ icy was fronting when he walked up to your little station at the decepticon base

▪︎ after blitzwing astablished your inter-species relationship with megatron and the other cons, and a genuine interest and loyalty to the decepticon cause, megatron had allowed you to stay with your partner and blitzwing even got to constructicons to build you a platform and private room

▪︎ he mass displaced and entered your shared "home" only to see you dancing in the living room to lady gaga

▪︎ "what is this?"

▪︎ you shrieked in embarrassment and swung around to face your lover with a flushed face

▪︎ "...just dance?" you were not expecting him to come back so soon, he had a lot of tasks megatron wanted completed today so you had decided to push the coffee table outta the way and get in some cario undisturbed in the most fun way

▪︎ why do yoga when you can just dance

▪︎ icy switched to random and he grinned wildly "oooooo! lez me try!" and all but rushed to your side and immediately started following the little person on the tv

▪︎ honestly, you expected as such, but the embarrassment of getting caught doing cringy dance moves to lady gaga pop songs made you feel super awkward

▪︎ blitzwing seemed to be enjoying himself though, hothead would show up if he got a move wrong but you assured him that getting it right wasnt important, that it was just a fun way to get active

▪︎ icy was very persise in his dance moves and even asked you to replay to song so he could get it down right

▪︎ eventually the embarrassment simmered away and you joined your partner, laughing as you both danced

▪︎ random would switch up and start twerking

𝐓𝐅𝐏 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍

▪︎ being with breakdown was a mixture between very serious and intimidating moments and very laid back and soft moments

▪︎ this dude's whole thing is breaking things,, its literally in his name,, and he can be scary when he wants too,, but he can also be a complete love-sick idiot

▪︎ breakdown was the only higher ranking officer to show veihcons any for of respect or recognition for their hard work and to no abuse them or toment them in any way

▪︎ he knows when agression is and is not necessary

▪︎ but when he walked into his berthroom to see you unashamedly dancing on his berth with your laptop playing just dance videos, he didnt know what the appropriate way to react was

▪︎ he wasnt trained for this! this didnt come in the inter-spieces relationship handbook knockout gave him! or in the dating-while-being-a-decepticon handbook that knockout also gave him

▪︎ mans just wants to make his tiny human happy buy doenst actually kniw anything about humans

▪︎ "dont just stand there come join me!" you yelled while literally doing the weridest dance move he had ever seen

▪︎ eventually you put on something more slow paced and easier to get used to

▪︎ its the robot

▪︎ you played the robot dance

▪︎ he does the worst robot dance you have ever seen

▪︎ and he is a robot

▪︎ crappy dance lessons comence at 2am

▪︎ ....

▪︎ knockout walks in at 6am to you passed out on your bed and breakdown is aggressively doing the whip and nae nae

[globetrotter28]

Another Cover Up (Part 9)

Fandom: The Boys

Summary: After Herogasm, Butcher, Hughie and Soldier Boy realise they might need more reinforcements. After doing more research, they discover the woman who was also injected with Compound V alongside Soldier Boy back in the 40’s. Everyone also thought she was KIA that day at Nicaragua. But if Soldier Boy was still alive… maybe she was too?

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Tags: @msbadgirl @queenofspades20 @mimzy1994 @erinnkenobi @goldngguk @ateliefloresdaprimavera @roseblue373 @acarboni21 @sexyvixen7 @buckybarnes-1917 @valkyrie418 @multishipper @bxwitched @capswife @bluedragonflylady @leigh70 @xxemoluverxx @quixscentsposts @junie-keene @depressed-kay @deansbbyx @just-levyy @lacilou @ladysparkles78 @kat-nee @themerc-with-a-mouth @howlerwolfmax @horrorgirl4life @spnwoman

Chapter warnings: drug use, graphic descriptions of violence, mature language

Part 8

Series Masterlist

There’s quite a bit of dialogue from the show in this one, so a longer part for you all.

*drip - someone who is boring*

~~~~~~~~~~

You and Ben were both in the back seat of Butcher's piece of shit car. You were glad there was a considerate amount of leg room, because although you didn't mind being so close to Ben, his broad shoulders took up a lot of space... You'd been driving for about an hour when you shifted in your seat, a heavy huff of frustration leaving your mouth at trying to get comfortable.

"You okay back there?" Butcher asks from the drivers seat. "You been huffin' and puffin' since we bloody left." He says, annoyance evident in his tone.

"It's a bit of a tight fit..." you answer, side eyeing Ben who only looks at you with a smirk.

"You weren't complaining last night or this morning." He smirks.

"Jesus..." Hughie groans under his breath.

You glare at Ben. "Seriously?"

"Oh, c'mon...!" Ben lifts his arm and pulls you into his side. "It's not like they don't know what was going on." He chuckles smugly.

"Please!" Hughie semi-shouts. "We do not need specifics. We all heard you!"

"Who knew you were such a prude, kid...." You smirk. Hughie turns to glare at you now, to which you only raise your eyebrows. "Am I wrong?"

"Yeah, I don't know. You know what they say." Ben speaks up.

"What do they say?" Hughie asks clearly annoyed but his curiosity got the better of him.

"You gotta watch out for the quiet ones. Kinky." Ben laughs. You join in and even notice Butcher's eyes crinkled slightly in the review mirror.

After what felt like maybe ten minutes, Butcher turns the car onto a gravel road in the middle of a forest of trees and eventually pulls to a stop. You all get out of the car and make your way to the trunk, where the boys put all their gear. You bypass them all and walk back down the road a bit just watching in between the trees, already on the look out for anything Mindstorm related.

"You feeling anything?" Ben's voice interrupts your thoughts.

"Other than high as fuck, no. Not sensing him at all."

"Well we're at lest two miles out." You give Ben a look. "Hey, blame the Drip*. Turns out he might not be so great with his gadgets after all."

Meanwhile, Butcher and Hughie are still at the trunk of the car.

"Hey, why do you keep buying him like, Hefty bags full of weed?" Hughie's asks quietly, trying not to let the two stoned supes hear him.

"Better high than mental." Butcher responds, unzipping a small bag. "Takes the edge off his PTSD."

"Wait, he has PTSD?"

"Yeah, I saw it at Herogasm. It's why he keep blowing the fuck outta everything." Butcher and Hughie turn to look at Soldier Boy and Y/N talking softly to each other, their eyes glued to the tree line as they pass the joint between one and the other. "We gotta keep that Cunt dozy as a lamb."

"What about Y/N?" Hughie asks softly.

"I don't know...," they both turn back, "but I'd say what she did to those Russian soldiers when we first picked her up was a pretty good bloody indicator that she also has a lot of trauma."

"So, just to recap, he's uh, radioactive, she's a mind reader and can manipulate objects and or people, both highly traumatised and heavily self-medicated." Butcher continues to fills a syringe with Temp-V. "Feels good. Feels right."

Butcher scoffs. "Tell me about it. I mean, what sad bastard self-medicates like that, eh?" Butcher looks at Hughie and holds up the syringe.

"You pussies ready to get going?" Ben calls out. "You were in such a rush to fucking get out here."

"On our way." Butcher responds, closing the trunk and lifting the duffel bag over his shoulder.

"We're going-"

"This way." You cut Hughie off. "I know." You start walking in the direction you indicated, Ben close to you.

You were walking for roughly fifteen minutes before you notice a feeling in your chest. You don't get to give it much thought before Ben shoots around.

"What'd you say?" He asks the guys.

You look at Ben, confusion filling your thoughts, matching both Butcher and Hughie's faces.

"What?" Butcher asks

"What?" Ben responds.

"Nothin' mate. No one said nothin'." Butcher's eyes shift around your group, settling on yours for a moment.

Ben stays silent as he turns and keeps walking. Before you turn to carry on you see the boys eye each other. Ben is walking faster now, and you jog slightly to keep up with him before your super hearing picks up a metallic scratching noise.

"Oh, fuck." Is all you hear before you call out "Ben!" before there's an explosion, and you see Ben go flying before you do too.

You try to use your powers to catch yourself, but it was so sudden and you weren't able to prepare before you smack into a nearby tree. You feel your ears ringing from the blast and smoke moves across your body as you lift yourself from the ground, using the tree as leverage.

"Y/N!" You hear not with your ears, but your mind. The ringing is making it sound muffled though. You look up into Ben's green eyes, and feel a sense of calm wash over you knowing he's okay. His large hands help lift you to your feet as your eyes scan your surroundings.

You see Hughie groaning on the ground, but sense he's just shaken by the blast and being thrown a few feet. You continue to scan your eyes and mind, and see Butcher's figure on the ground and a smaller man standing over him. You shoot your powers out, violet streaking the air between you. But your disorientation means you miss your mark and Mindstorm scurries off into the forest.

"Fuck." You grunt out and notice the ringing in your head had settled down.

"C'mon." Ben holds you steady as you make your way over to Butcher, meeting Hughie who is trying to wake him by calling his name and tapping him on the face.

Ben let's you go and looks around, trying to see where Mindstorm went.

"Fucking freak... slipped away. He's gonna pick us off, one by one."

"Butcher! Butcher! Wake up!"

"That's not gonna work, kid." You tell him, seeing into Butcher's nightmare, a chill sweeping through your body.

"No, you're wasting your time. He's gone." Ben says matter of factly, kneeling down to open the duffel bag.

"What did Mindstorm do?" Hughie's panicked voice asks, looking from Ben back to you.

"Well, if it's his usual MO, trapped him in an endless nightmare till he dies of terminal dehydration." Ben drops his rag and leans down to grab his shield.

"No, there's gotta be a way we can wake him up." Hughie tries to rationalise. He turns to look at you, as you've been staring at Butcher, getting lost in his nightmare. "Y/N?" Hughes presses, trying to see if you could get him out.

"No." You say, somewhat absently. "I-I'm powerful, but... I don't know how to get rid of this for him."

"Mindstorm put him into this." Ben says, strapping his shield onto his arm. "He can snap him out."

"Okay. Great, great. Uh-"

"But he's about to be dead." This snaps you out of your funk.

"Wait." You turn back around to look at Ben.

"If we, if we grab Mindstorm, we make him help Butcher-"

"No way." Ben attempts to shut him down and walks away.

"Ben!" You walk after him.

"And then you can kill him. Then you can go to town on him. I don't give a fuck!" Hughie tries to reason.

"Hey!" Ben turns and gets close enough to Hughie that he backs up slightly. "If you're going to act hysterical, I'm going to slap you like I'm Connery." He pauses for a moment. "Now, unless you want to end up like your friend there," he gestures to Butcher, "its isn't worth the risk."

"Ben, c'mon! We can't just leave Butcher like this. He may be an asshole, but he doesn't deserve that!" You argue.

"What do you want to do? You just got surprised by fucking Mindstorm, Y/N." You swallow thickly, failure rooting itself deep within you. Ben looks back to Hughie. "Look, chin up. Deal's a deal. You help us finish this, we’ll kill Homelander. Butcher would have given up his life for that in a heartbeat."

You know after what Butcher told you, Ben wasn't wrong. Hughie looks back down at Butcher.

"So we doing this, or not?"

"I'll stay with Butcher." You offer.

"No, you're coming. You can't do anything for him." Ben orders. You don't like this side of him too much.

Hughie groans before bending down to grab the backpack.

"Leave it. We gotta move fast." Ben says, turning to walk away. "Ah!" He stops suddenly once again. "Did you hear that?"

"Ben... no." You answer softly. You recognise his mind is jumbled.

"Uh..." Hughie clears his throat. "You might want to lay off the weed, huh?" You think he's hit the nail on the head there. Maybe you should too...

Without turning around, Ben replies, "And you might want to gargle my ballsack.", before walking off again.

You bend down and grab the duffle quickly, before moving to place it under Butcher's head.

"C'mon, kid. Don't worry." You say, grabbing Hughie's attention. "I'll make sure we get Mindstorm to stop his shit before we kill him."

"He doesn't seem too keen on that idea." Hughie nods his head over in the direction of Ben's retreating form. You stand up and start walking in that same direction.

"Listen, I want him dead just as much Ben. But I won't let Butcher suffer through what he is right now."

"He's suf-suffering?" Hughie stutters.

"Yeah! What do you think being trapped in an endless nightmare is like? A picnic?"

"I, uh..."

"Hughie, listen." You look over at Hughie as you march after Ben. "I get that you're worried about Butcher. That's why you're so frazzled. But you need to get your shit together. None of us can afford to be off our game. The fact that I can't get Butcher out of that shit hole of a mindfuck he's in, just proves to me I'm still messed up. Hell, maybe I'll always be. My life hasn't exactly been sunshine and rainbows the last forty years. Could also just be the weed… But if Butcher is to have any kind of chance, you need to be on your game, okay?" Hughie nods. "Don't do anything fucking stupid."

You quickly catch up to Ben and you decide to take the rear. Hughie in the middle and Ben leads the way. You hear Ben talking about how many people he locked up for smoking weed, then he abruptly stops again asking what Hughie said.

"Uh, literally nothing." Hughie's panicked voice says, looking back to where we just came, clearly worried about Butcher.

Ben sighs.

"Jesus. How hard?"

"What?"

"How hard did Butcher suck your dick, that you miss him that much?"

"For fucks sake, Ben. He's worried about him!" You say, frustrated with the tension you're feeling coming off Hughie and the overall situation. Ben ignores you.

"Hmm? His mouth must feel like a Hoover Deluxe."

"God, every single thing you say is so gross. He saved me. Okay? More than once. So I owe him."

"Oh, bullshit." Ben tosses his blunt to the ground, and takes a step towards Hughie. "You're on a mission. You get the job done."

"Here we go." You sigh under your breath, ready for a spiel.

"Okay? I stormed Normandy. I fought the Nazis. You want to know what I do when I'm sad? Or scared?" Ben's face and voice turns almost emotionless. "Fucking nothing. 'Cause I'm not fucking pussy."

Hughie chuckles and you read where he's about to go

"Hughie... don't-" you try to shut it down, knowing how it might end.

"You didn't storm shit." Hughie had stepped to Ben. "Your whole Marlboro Man act? It's fucking crap." You can't help but slap your forehead. "And I-"

Faster than lightning, Ben's fist connects with Hughie's cheek.

"Oh!" Hughie pants in pain.

Very controlled for Ben, he points a finger at him and says as he looks to me and back to Hughie, "I warned you.", turns and raises his eyebrows before he continues his trek in the woods.

Still holding his face, you walk over to Hughie, your arms crossed at your chest.

"I said don't do anything stupid. That... was stupid." You couldn't help the bite in your tone.

"The Legend said-"

"The Legend?!" You move your hands to your hips. "The Legend is a jealous wannabe! He'll say anything to make a Supe look bad. Especially one who got put down by Vought. And hear this..." you step up into his personal space. "If you're saying that shit about Ben, you're also saying it about me." You see fear cross his eyes, let alone his mind. "You're goddamn lucky you weren't speaking to me, or you might not be walking right now. So fucking watch it. Because it'd be a shame for me to waste someone I actually like. But it wouldn't be the first time."

You turn and leave Hughie to think about what you just said.

"Fucking asshole..." Ben grumbles as you catch up to him.

"Calm down, babe. He's just a kid." You say, trying to pacify him.

"A kid with a fucking mouth on him." He glares at the passing trees as he storms down a path.

"What? Like you didn't ever have one?" You scoff.

"That was different." He says, an attempt to defend himself.

"What?” You scoff. “You never got told something then spouted it off in a stressful situation in an attempt to knock a superior down a few pegs?" You raise your brows at him, knowing he can't say he didn't.

"That Colonel was a prick."

"And you haven't exactly not been one either." He gives you an astonished look. "Oh, Ben! You just called him a pussy for being worried about his friend! Actually, he kinda looks up to him as a brother... but either way, he is someone he cares about, and he's now suffering and he can't do anything to help him, other than make sure he gets Mindstorm to pull him out. Which, by the way, we are going to do." Ben rolls his eyes, his body almost going with them. "Don't you roll your eyes at me, we wouldn't be here without that limey bastard, and besides..." you shrug your shoulders, "I kinda like him." You finish off with a grin.

"You kinda like him?" He questions.

"No need to get jealous. I don't like him as much as I like you, hot stuff." You wink at him, even making the tips of his ears turn red. "Now let's get going. There's two very confusing people on the road beyond those bushes." You walk past him towards the two voices discussing their broken down vehicle.

"What do you mean confusing?" You hear Hughie ask from where he's finally caught up to you both.

"I'm not sure, and that bugs me. I smell Mindstorm all over this. So keep your wits about you. Ben, maybe your paranoia will come in handy."

"Para-" he starts but you cut him off with a "Shh" before you make your way through the bushes and see the two people, a man dressed as a priest and a woman as a nun, talking next to their broken down car.

"We're never going to get to the retreat now..."

"Oh!" The priest startles as he sees the three of you approach. "Oh you startled me." The way he overacts doesn't even sit right with you. "Are you both superhero's." He asks, gesturing to Ben and yourself. Hughie didn't fit the part without the monkey suit.

"Yes Father." Ben answers. "You folks need some help?"

"Yes." The nun desperately pipes up. "Yes please." You squint your eyes as your read of them is fuzzy.

"Okay well, it's not safe. There's a fugitive in the area."

"You should get out of here before you get hurt." You add, subtly walking over to the other side of the nun keeping an eye on her as you keep another eye on your surroundings.

"Uh, well, we can't. I don't suppose any of you know engines?"

Your trio is silent as you make your way closer to Ben and Hughie before Ben begrudgingly offers to take a look. Hughie begins to make conversation and you get a glimpse into the priests mind before you blast a power surge at him, causing him to fall backwards just before Ben shoots his pistol, a bullet landing between the man's eyes.

The nun starts screaming, and since you never picked anything up, you're unsure about attacking her. In the meantime, Hughie is freaking out about what just happened.

"This is Mindstorm's MO. He brainwashed them."

"That priest was gonna sack us, but I can't be su-" you get cut off by Ben who lifts his pistol to point at the nun

"She will too."

Hughie moves in-front of the nun, trying to reason with Ben.

"Take my word for it. Everyone's coming for us. Everyone, every day." Ben raises his sidearm again, but Hughie tries to stop him.

"No, no! You have PTSD."

"Jesus Christ, Hughie!" You exclaim, astonished by this kids timing.

"Y/N, please!" Hughie pleads with you before looking back at Ben. "You have PTSD and you are super fucking stoned! Alright?" He looks back at the now praying nun, who is covered in blood. "Maybe this isn't what you think it is."

"Move." Ben glares at him. "Move!" Ben's booming voice yells threateningly.

"She's a human being!" Hughie continues.

"Oh no, she is definitely not normal, Hughie." You pipe up, eyeing her facial features changing, but still having troubles with her mind.

"A nun! And if there's one thing I know-"

The nun suddenly shoots up to jump on Hughie's back and screams, "Die, you fucking cocksuckers!"

Hughie panics then screams as she sinks her teeth into his neck. You watch for a second, then double over in a fit of laughter. You can't help yourself. The situation is to the utmost degree, just absurd. You hear Hughie demanding Ben and yourself to do something, and see through the tears in your eyes, Ben attempting to aim his gun at the spider monkey of a nun.

"Stay still. I can't..."

"Fuck you!"

"Get her off me! Y/N!!"

"I can't!" You wheeze, waving your hand at the situation acting out in front of you.

Ben's gun finally goes off and the nuns body hits the ground with a thump, landing next to the priest's body.

"Oh! Fuck me!" Hughie pants as he walks away and then looks back at the body. "No! Hard pass on this Exorcist shit!"

You're still giggling until Ben jokes, "what's black and white and red all over?" And you burst into another fit of laughter, your abdominal muscles screaming from your clenching as you bend over yet again.

"You were a lot of help!" Hughie shouts at you.

"Oh c'mon!" You laugh. "As if you wouldn't have thought that was fucking hilarious!"

"Okay, first off..." Ben turns and makes his way towards Hughie. "You scream like a little girl. Second, I don't have shell shock. Fuck you. Third, this is what I'm talking about. This... is being a soldier."

Ben looks off to the direction we were walking before he grabs my arm and drags my laughed out body behind him.

"Come on." He calls to Hughie. "What the hell is going on with your powers?" Ben asks you under his breath. This sobers you up quickly, really hoping you wouldn't have to explain something you didn't know the answer to. "It's like you're blocked or something."

"Ben... I don't know what to say. This has never happened with him before."

"Well we need to figure it out fast, because not that I'm worried, but fuck, Y/N..." he sighs heavily, dropping your arm. "I'm kind fuckin' worried. You've always been stronger than that fuck. And now you're shooting blanks?"

"Hey, the telekinesis is fine, I shoved that priest okay." You defended. "It's just... I don't know... the mind stuff is a bit funny... I can read you, and Hughie, definitely Butcher. That man is having a fucking great nightmare!" You say sarcastically

"Maybe..." Ben starts, but stops himself.

"What?"

"Maybe he's gotten..."

"Stronger?" You finish for him.

"Maybe."

You sigh heavily as you hear Hughie coming up behind you again.

"I don't know, Ben. Maybe? Forty years is a long fucking time, he could have easily improved his skills. And I've been pretty preoccupied... let alone the weed. They make this shit different these days..."

"What if it's more than that?" Hughie pipes up.

"Are you listening to our conversation?" Ben questions, an angry look pointed at the poor boy.

"I mean... it's not like it's... private..." Hughie mutters.

"What do you mean, Hughie?" You try to get him back on track.

"Well, what if you're like... being too hard on yourself? Feeling the pressure?"

"What, like performance anxiety?" You joke.

"I mean.. yeah."

You raise an eyebrow at the idea and think about it for a moment. "Hmm... certainly a possibility." You continue walking.

"That's all you have to say?" Ben questions.

"Well I don't know what you want me to say. 'Oh yeah, that's it! All better now!' Pfft, doesn't work like that. Besides... we're here." You say stopping just short of entering a clearing where you see a run down looking barn type of structure and a bunch of wind chimes out the front of it swaying and making noise in the breeze.

"Oh shit, we are." Hughie says, looking down at his device.

"You felt it?" Ben whispers to you.

"Yeah. It feels like a fog is covering this space..." you gesture to the clearing.

Ben takes a deep breath to calm himself. You know deep down he was nervous before coming, and the day has only added to his stress. You place a hand on his should, giving it a comforting squeeze and a reassuring look.

"We're in this together." You send him the message telepathically. He nods in response.

Meanwhile, Hughie was looking on, observing the two of you together. He feels that there was a possibility he was judgemental of Soldier Boy. Maybe he wasn't such a hard ass? After all, he was very soft with you. Something Hughie knew was only ever for you, but gave him hope that maybe... maybe Soldier Boy was different from what the stories said.

However, Soldier Boy's words about killing Mindstorm still echoed in his brain. He needed to do everything he could to make sure he got him back to Butcher before that happened.

The trio make the way closer to the building, walking past the wind chimes. You focus on your surroundings and not making any noise as you walk over the drying grass, much like the two men with you. Hughie pulls the wooden door open for Ben to walk through, his shield and gun in position. Hughie follows Ben and you come up behind them.

You tried carefully in the surely rotting wooden floor, judging by the smell and discolouration on the timber.

"Be careful of where you step or you might fall through the floor."  You send to both men, ensuring your ability to turn your mind into a vault is active to keep Mindstorm out. You see both men nod slightly in response.

Ben gets to the end of the makeshift corridor before he stops and gestures his weapon to a mirror up ahead. You see Mindstorm in the reflection, crouched down and shifting on his feet. Ben breathes deeply again, preparing to ambush Mindstorm.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." You hear suddenly from Hughie. Your eyes widen and you go to grab Hughie's shoulder, but he disappears in a flash, his clothes dropping to the floor.

Ben spins to look behind him with widened eyes, seeing Hughie gone, but his clothes left behind, and your extremely pissed off expression. He rushes to look at the mirror again and sees a now naked Hughie grab Mindstorm from behind before they vanish. You both rush around to see that they are both, in fact, gone.

"Shit!" Ben yells. You stand there and feel the anger working through your veins. How could you not see this coming? "Y/N, let's go. We gotta get him before it's too late." Ben turns and storms out of the barn.

You follow Ben outside of the building. But your anger has reached the point where you turn and blast your powers to the innocent barn and see it explode, the noise being heard for miles.

Meanwhile, Hughie has Mindstorm back at the location where Butcher is living out his nightmare. He's just opening his eyes to Mindstorm and is trying to reassure him that everything is okay, and he can be trusted.

"Okay. Hey. We're cool. Very chill. Very cool." Hughie promises, before they both hear an explosion in the distance. "We might want to hurry..."

Hughie gives him some clothes to change into, but the pressure of knowing Soldier Boy and Vivid were on their way back, was making Mindstorm even more anxious. Mindstorm didn't want to waste time waking that man up until the boy offered to teleport him away and not tell anyone.

"What about Vivid?" Hughie looks confused for a moment. "How are you going to make sure she doesn't find out where you teleported me?"

"It'll at least give you a head start to get out of here." Hughie is grasping at straws and he knows it. But he knows any chance of survival is what Mindstorm needs, and that's the only one he has.

Mindstorm's considers it for a few seconds, because that's all he can afford. Then he agrees and moves to the man's body. Hughie kneels down and watches Mindstorm stand over Butcher to do whatever it is that he does.

Butcher suddenly wakes up, gasping for breath and looks over to Hughie. He apologises, which confuses Hughie. Mindstorm sees why, but doesn't care to stick around longer than he has to. He need to get the fuck away, now!

"Hey, kid." He urges the young man. Hughie looks up at him.

"Right, right, yeah." He gets up and makes to move over to Mindstorm. "Okay. Deals a deal. Where are we headed?"

Mindstorm doesn't get the chance to answer because there's suddenly a knife through the side of his head and exiting through his right eye socket. He screams in pain and Hughie is in shock as he looks to see Soldier Boy and the Supe he was growing fond of, no longer Y/N, but Vivid, storming in their direction.

Her eyes were glowing violet as she uses her power to push Mindstorm over from her position in the trees. As they both get to Mindstorm, Y/N places a hand out, palm facing down to his body, clearly holding him down as he is still yelling out in pain.

Ben grabs a bag out to place over his head, but Y/N growls "No! I want to see his eyes." She flicks her wrist and Mindstorm's body turns to lay in his back.

"Hey! Wait, wait, wait!" Hughie rushes over to get them to stop.

Ben punches Mindstorm to get him to stop struggling, which seems to work. He then gets to his feet and turns towards Hughie. Hughie tries his best to not be scared at the huge Supe glaring at him, before Ben then punches Hughie with enough force to throw him back a good couple of feet.

Y/N watches as Butcher looks back to Ben and see's Butcher's eyes light up and a sizzling sound come from them.

"Keep him away from this, Billy." You order, your own eyes glowing and the veins in your neck now too. Butcher looks to you as his eyes turn back to normal and he turns to look after Hughie.

You turn back to Mindstorm and kneel down. Your hand clenched into a fist, pulling his body up closer to you.

"Hiya Dan. I'd say long time no see, but you've made many appearances in my nightmares over the past forty years." You say with a mad grin on your face and a crazy tone.

"Y/N, come on, you know I always liked you..." he begs.

"Fucking BULLSHIT! You may have strengthened your power, but I'm in now, Dan. You have a weakness and that's uncontrollable fear."

"It's- it's not what you think. It wasn't my idea!"

"Oh, we know it was Noir's." You feel that drop in your stomach as Ben says this, still unsure about leaving him yesterday. "But how does that work, huh? Because there's no way he makes a fucking move without Vought!" Ben's voice grows loud.

"They gave him the green light." Mindstorm pants.

You clench your fist tighter, making it harder for him to breathe. "Why would they do that?" You growl through clenched teeth.

Butcher is lifting Hughie to his feet and they look over to you and Ben, interrogating Mindstorm before Ben suddenly yells out, "What?! That's impossible."

They see you drop your hands, your powers releasing Mindstorm as you look to Ben with a stunned but almost broken look on your face. He looks up to you before you look to Hughie and Butcher, expression hardening before back down to Mindstorm. You look to Ben, blink slowly, Mindstorm screams, then you turn and walk a few steps away, your back to everyone.

Ben looks back down to Mindstorm, seeing his left eye now filled with violet, blocking Mindstorm from using his powers on him. Ben's expression hardens also before he lifts his shield up and proceeds to bring it down multiple times on his face, caving it in and yelling out. Ben doesn't know anymore if it's in anger or pain. When he stops, his shield is covered in blood at the pointed side where he used it as a weapon and he stands up, panting from the exertion and the emotions.

Ben looks over to see Y/N still standing and looking out into the forest, his own chest heavy. He then turns to look at the boys before walking over. He halts briefly and glares at Hughie and quickly glances at Butcher, before he marches up the small hill.

"What'd he say?" Butcher calls out, but Ben ignores him.

Butcher and Hughie look at each other, before they hear Y/N yell out. They quickly look back to see her on her knees and blasting her violet power out into the woods, flattening the trees out in front of her.

Hughie goes to walk to her, but Butcher holds him back. If the punch he received from Soldier Boy was anything to go by, Butcher knew Hughie had done something to piss them both off, and he's pretty sure he knew exactly what judging by the bloody event that just occurred.

Y/N is breathing heavily as she turns and walks towards them. She eyes Butcher, her glare enough for him to know he won't win against her if he tries anything, and then she stops in front of Hughie. Her jaw is set tight, her body just as rigid. Hughie opens his mouth to speak, but she holds up a hand and closes it tightly in a fist.

Hughie feels as if his vocal chords and windpipe are tied in knots. He cannot speak, cannot breath. He looks to Y/N, eyes and mind begging for her to stop.

"This so not a threat. This is a promise. There will be no more chances. Once more..." her eyes glow violet once again and Hughie doubles over as his brain feels like it's being stabbed with red hot knives, "and you will die."

She releases Hughie from her hold and proceeds to walk where Ben did only moments before. Once she is out of sight, Butcher grabs Hughie to make sure he's okay.

"Bloody hell, Hughie...! I don't know what you did, but I have an idea. You're fuckin' lucky to be alive, mate."

[danoscigarette]

Chapter II - The Housing of the Rising Sun

Percy Dolarhyde x f!Reader

Summary: Miss Langtree visits her girls at the saloon to prepare them for a visit from the colonel and his annoying sorry excuse of a son.

Warnings: swearing, prostitution, nothing major

A/N: So apparently the song ‘the House of the Rising Sun’ is theorised to be about a brothel so I thought it was appropriate for todays chapter! Half of it is an introduction to the lovely ladies who work at your saloon! So original character heavy in this one! More Percy entered chapters are yet to come though <3

The sun had only just appeared upon the horizon when you arrived at the Sweetwater Saloon, not only did you have to give the news about the bar's grand opening but you also had to warn your girls about some unexpected visitors. You wanted to get to the girls as early as you could to be able to set everything up and to mentally prepare yourself to see Percy again.

After locking the door behind you, you sighed and dropped to the floor, back against the wooden entrance - no amount of preparation was going to be enough to get you through what is to be a long day. 

"Miss Langtree, what are you doing here so darn early, the rooster ain't even squawked yet" you look up to see Amelia sitting at the bar in her pink nightgown and a cigarette in hand. Her ginger hair was dishevelled and her pale face slightly sunken, clearly she hadn't had enough sleep. Amelia is your number 1 gal and has been working under you for the longest out of the group.

"You're up early y'self Lia, I'm here to make an announcement so I'll need everybody up and goin" You manage to lift yourself up and take a seat next to the rosey lady. As there are 7 girls, each girl is not only assigned a room, but also a colour - they of course don't have to wear that same colour at all times, but its a little gimmick for shows. Amelia is the pink girl, her stage name being Madame Rose.

"I gotcha covered...GIRLS! GET YOUR ASSES OUTTA BED THE BOSS IS 'ERE" She yelled on the top her lungs, if ever you were in need of anything, Lia would always have your back and often did a lot of your dirty work (for extra pay of course). 

"Ugh whaaaat" you hear one girl croakily call back, by the sounds of it, Esme had been chain smoking again. One by one you hear all of the girls eventually call down from their rooms, an orchestra of whining and moaning about how early it is, all complaining like teenage girls. 

"Miss Langtree it should be illegal to get us up at such an hour" Nancy was the next girl to come down, a brunette with bright blue eyes stomps down the steps; Nancy is your girl in sapphire. 

"Just wait for everyone else" you place a hand on your hip, you were in no mood for anyone to be giving you attitude, not today of all days.

Next to come down were Esme, Julia and Bella; your ruby, amber and topaz girls. This trio were quite popular in Sparrowdale as they mostly stuck together - including in the bedroom. 

"Where's Stella and Marie?" You ask. Lining all the girls up, you take note of who looks particularly dirty, tired, tidy etc, you've got to get your girls looking presentable for the Dolarhydes. 

"Coming!" You hear a little song bird call down, Stella stood at the top of the stairs in her purple night dress. "I'm just tryna get Marie to come down"

"I'm comin', I'm comin' for fuck sake. I'm getting my stockings on" Marie calls from one of the rooms. 

Although most of your girls can sing, Stella has the voice of an actual angel. If she didn't come from a poor background, she could easily go on to do Oprah or even a church choir; she was your amethyst. 

Last but not least Marie, your girl in emerald, finally makes it down - she was the best of the best. Despite being one of the last girls to join your group, she had years of practice beforehand (in both sex work and in entertainment). If ever you weren't sure about something, she knew it all and she could always teach a thing or two to the others. 

"Right that's everyone!" You begin, clapping your hands together before walking down the line of women. "I have two things I need to share with ya'll...the first, and you're not gunna like this - the grand opening is going to be a week on Tuesday..."

You are met with a symphony of groans and complaints. 

"Bu-bu-bu I won't hear it, we've settled down for long enough, its time to actually get some earnings ladies. Wouldn't it be nice to put on a show for a completely new crowd?"

"Yeah if anyone shows up!" Nancy heckles, you give her a dirty look. 

"Well I suppose that leads me to my second announcement... Have ya'll heard of the Dolarhydes?"

The girls whisper amongst themselves, it seems that they all have heard of them at one point or another. You even hear Esme mention seeing Percy getting in a scrap with some random person at the Gold Leaf - sounds about right. 

"Well I'll have you know..." you take a gulp and a sigh, you weren't sure how to say it and you really didn't want to say it out loud, it would be almost willing it to existence. "I am engaged to the son of Colonel Dolarhyde" 

"You can't be serious!" Amelia lets out a shrill, you are met with a series of "ooo's" and laughter. 

"Miss Langtree forgive us, we aren't laughing at you... but marrying that Dolarhyde kid?" Julia asks through tears of hilarity. You purse your lips and look away from the ladies, it was humiliating enough to be engaged to that brute. Their laughter just added insult to injury -  but still, you had to keep up with the tough act. 

"GIRLS" You shout, almost immediately does the rowdiness quiet down, although they can be quite misbehaved, they respect you as a "mother hen" as Stella would put it. "Yes I am due to be wed to... Him. It's not my decision I can assure you. But it does mean that we'll be getting a steady income from now on. The Dolarhydes are interested in being our sponsors. If we have their name on this place there will be a flow of people wanting to check us out"

"More boys?" Bella squeals in delight followed by more giddy whispering. 

"It may also mean we'll need to be doin' more shows, not just the weekend" 

"Ah come on!" Esme moans "Shows n' clients? That's gunna be hard work" 

"It will indeed, but you'll be paid handsomely. And an actual chance for you girls to get outta this..." you cough in your chest before continuing, "Unless of course you wanna stay in this profession" 

The girls mutter amongst themselves once more, many donned unsure faces and others showed concern. 

"We can't just leave you Y/N" Amelia grabs onto your hand and bringing it to her chest, her brows furrowed with a sad and desperate expression. 

"I mean y'don't have to! But wouldn't it be great to save up and actually live rather than just survivin'?"

The girls give each other a solemn look, each one has been through so much in their lives that have lead them to this position. Marie and Nancy were perhaps the only ones who actually wanted to become a 'lady of the night', the others have no place else to go. 

This was the reason why you started up this business in the first place, too many young girls are lost in the traffic of sex work and abuse that you just had to take them in. Of course, you weren't able to just straight up adopt them so you had them work in little shows and waitressing. All being similar ages (and a couple of girls being slightly older than you) you had felt like they were your friends, an extended family of sisters working together. 

You had run this group for a couple of years now, back in Sparrowdale you were very successful; one girl in particular you think of often is a lady named Annabelle - she was the first girl to save up enough and move into the city, never having to use her body for money ever again. Anna writes to you quite often and recently she got married to a Lawyer; things like that gave you purpose. 

"Girls, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Heck, you don't even have to stay now. This is the situation I have been given and I believe we should work together here. Save the money up, get a house of your own, or stay here and just buy dresses and good food, you are free to be who you are here. You're my girls and I love ya'll" you get a little teary at your speech, the girls huddle around you and give you a group hug. 

"We love you too boss" you hear the them say, they may not always behave or have the best of attitudes, but you are a community and you had each other's backs. 

"Well I don't know if y' gunna like me after I tell ya that the Dolarhydes are paying us a little visit later!" You wince with a grin, looking around you see your girls roll their eyes and whine once more. "I won't hear none of it, we've gotta dress to impress!" 

Through defeated mutters, they all return to their rooms to get ready. 

"Miss Laaaaangtree you're gunna kill us" Amber gives you a little frustrated shake before joining the others.

"There's nothing to worry about, ya'll are gems y'know that right?" You call out encouragingly, there was an air of nervousness in your tone - not that you didn't have faith in your employees, but that Dolarhyde kid could cause problems; your girls were feisty and if he's going to terrorise them like he does with the other citizens of Absolution then there's going to be trouble...and a potential murder. 

Slipping in your office you take a good look at yourself in the mirror; not only do you do your business here, this room also acts as a dressing room for you. Back in Sparrowdale, your office was a great place to have a sneaky drink or cigarette during shows, and whenever you are having a wardrobe malfunction; much like today. This morning you rushed getting ready, you needed to be at Sweetwater as soon as to prepare but now you are sort of regretting it. Giving yourself a quick spin you grimace at the sight; unkempt hair, no makeup, the dress isn't the nicest - you looked like you just rocked up after a night out drinking. 

"Gosh darn it" you huffed out loud before changing into one of your more formal dresses you kept in your office. After makeup and hair were done, you made your way to the bar where you heard chatter and hurried steps above you; when it came to getting ready your girls sound like an absolute circus. 

Once everything was ready, it was all a matter of waiting - your girls all dolled up, the whole building was clean and all was in its place. You had little to no patience, the anxiety returning to you with every passing minute; what if Mr Dolarhyde didn't approve of the place? Not that you needed his support, you would be able to do business without him but a sponsorship? That doesn't come easy. 

"Right everyone, they are due anytime now so just... Uhhhh do what you usually would before opening. Rehearse, clean, check stock, whatever. Just be normal and NICE. Treat them like you usually would with a customer" all in unison the girls unbutton their outfits and pull seductive faces. "Not THAT kind of customer for God’s sake, you tryna get us in trouble?" You fluster. 

-

Minutes felt like hours and your patience worn thin, luckily it didn't take too long for Woodrow and Percy to finally arrive at your Saloon. You were alerted by a heavy, firm knock on the door. You cursed every profanity under the sun and bit your fist, desperately wanting this ordeal to be over and done with. 

"Welcome Colonel Dolarhyde...Mr Dolarhyde" you smiled at Woodrow as you welcomed him in, your smile drops immediately when staring up into Percy's eyes; he returns the favour by furrowing a brow and twitching his nose in your direction. 

"Please, no one calls me the Colonel"

"No one who wants to live" Percy added, his father elbows him with a scowl. 

"Ah I see, well is Woodrow still acceptable Sir?" You smile politely, trying your best to disguise your nervousness. 

"Yeah, sure... My, what a big place this is" Woodrow stated, he seemed impressed... Maybe, he was an aloof man so who really knows what he actually thinks. Stepping in through the door Percy's eyes stay forward, not wanting to look your way. Whenever his father isn't looking, you give Percy a deathly glare at every given opportunity; he's a lemon of a man, every time you see him its like taking a big, sour bite. At least lemons are good for you. 

"Ladies" Mr Dolarhyde tips his hat at your girls, Amelia was behind the bar looking busy, Bella, Esme and Julia practiced their dancing routine and the others were in and out of the room, also "looking" busy. 

"Can I get you gents a drink?" You offered whilst walking around the bar. 

The Dolarhydes take a seat on a barstool and decide to have a double whiskey each, on the house of course. 

"So Y/N how long have these girls worked with you?" Mr Dolarhyde asks, you tense at his voice, and so the interrogation begins. Even though Percy is peering in your direction, he clearly wasn't all there; lights on but no one's home kind of look. 

"I would say it's coming up near 3 years now, Amelia here has been with me from the start" You motion towards Lia, she gives a polite pursed smile before continuing varnishing already varnished glasses. Woodrow downs his whiskey in one and slams the glass onto the counter. 'Hmm aren't you supposed to savour whiskey?' You thought to yourself. Percy attempts to do the same but chokes up half of his drink. 

You let out a little laugh at this and offer Percy a drink of water - he of course declines. As you giggled to yourself, Percy couldn't help but notice your smile lines and the way you spoke through your chuckle. For a moment Percy considered you as cute; that was until he realised who he was admiring. 

"It ain't funny, this shit's dry"

"Quit yer whinin'!" Woodrow hits between Percy's shoulder blades, you could swear Percy’s skin would be black and blue with he amount Mr Dolarhyde had beat his son’s sorry ass. 

The conversation turned to more business related questions, like your usual income, how much the place was and what your expected salary will be from the place. Truthfully, you didn't know, the town of Absolution was far smaller than Sparrowdale, so its a fair assumption that your bar won't be as filled every night as your old saloon - no matter how entertaining your girls may be. The whole time you and Woodrow spoke, Percy sat and listened, or maybe he didn't, you could never tell and you certainly didn't really care; the only thing that mattered was keeping his father impressed and interested. 

"Anyway Miss Langtree, I am sorry for hittin' the road so soon but I just wanted to get a feel of the place y'know? Plus it'll give you and Percy here some time to get properly acquainted. Just make sure he don't drink too much" 

"How bout another drink for the road?" You look at Mr Dolarhyde desperately, he's only just arrived and he's already leaving you with this brute? 

"I would but I er gotta deal with some lousy men of mine. Probably pissed on the job and it won't look too good if I was in a state. I'll be back later. Have fun kids" And that was that, Woodrow left the two of you awkwardly at the bar. Silence had never been so loud, even Bella, Esme and Julia stopped performing and went straight to their rooms due to the violent quietness. 

Percy's hungry eyes follow their steps, you’ve seen that look many times. Letting out an angry cough, you fiercely pull at Percy's ear.

"OW! Hey now-"

"Will you PLEASE behave yourself? Even for a moment for God's sake" you aggressively whisper, Percy lets out a irritated grunt. 

"Well there's nothin else to do in this place so why not?"

"How about a civil conversation perhaps? Or is Mr Dolarhyde too good to be talkin' to the likes o' me?" 

Percy doesn't answer, grumbling something to himself, no doubt something insulting about you. His gaze falls over the bottles of alcohol behind the counter, noting the variety of brands and liquors. He was almost impressed, there seems to be way more choice than the Gold Leaf, maybe your bar might be worth a visit after all; especially if he sees those girls again. The lanky man takes a long drawn out sigh before looking back at you; he thinks your a cute little thing with an attitude problem, he would have entertained the idea of marriage if you weren't so mouthy. A quiet, obedient little wife who he wouldn't have to pay much attention to would have best suited him. But here he is, forced to face you head on begrudgingly. 

"The name's Percy. If you're gunna keep callin' me that then you ain't gonna get a civil conversation, darlin" 

“I’ll call you what I like. Maybe if you got your act together and treated me with some with respect I might actually call you your name” 

“Respect is earned little miss” He spat, standing up out of his seat with means to intimidate. You don’t buckle nor flinch, it would have to take a lot for the likes of Percy Dolarhyde to frighten you. 

"I don't even know why you're here, you're no good sober than y'are off your face with booze" you argue "Why'd I have to be matched up with the likes of you?"

"I'm not exactly singin' and dancin' myself" Percy folds his arms over like a large child. "Can't believe Pa is making me marry the hag o’ whore's" 

"Get the FUCK outta here you bastard!" You threw and empty bottle at him, that was it, you’ve had enough of him. Percy pathetically scrambles away like a frightened deer out of your saloon, you had half the mind to chase after him. 

After a few seconds of huffing angrily, you feel a hand rest upon your shoulder. 

“Well that was short lived, my they say romance is dead” Amelia lets out an awkward chuckle, your eyes meet hers as you attempt to calm yourself. “He seems…uh…nice” 

“He’s quite the catch” you breathily let out a laugh of your own, hand resting on your brow as you fall into a seat. “I probably shouldn’t of attacked him like that… But the prick deserved it”

“Y’ think that’s going to damage the saloons reputation?” Amelia takes a seat next to you and takes your free hand in hers. 

“Ah fuck, I ain’t even thought of that” biting your fist, you can only imagine Mr Dolarhyde’s response; either you or your father are going to get punished. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, for now, lets have another drink” 

[astrologybyana]

lot of spirit / part of spirit

hii babies, i'm back! in this post, our focus is on our lot of spirit ✨

lot of spirit tells us about where we can experience abundance in life

it is also believed by some astrologers that this placement in our chart shows how our spirit guides are like

so i'm just gonna connect those two and say it's your higher self whispering in your ear how your soul can find satisfaction hahah

its formula is ascendant + moon - sun

however, to find where your lot of spirit is located, you can simply go to astro.com, choose “free horoscopes” and then “extended chart selection”

from house systems, choose “whole signs” and write "37452" to the additional objects part, and there it is!

you can also access to my masterpost, here 🎈

it’s a long post so i cut it from here 🧚🏻‍♀️

lot of spirit in aries / 1st house

very passive earlier in life, you probably didn't like arguments and confrontation

and gave in easily bc you didn't wanna be alone

which means u might have been taken for granted a lot

you have learnt / are learning / should learn (lol sorry...) how to overcome this fear of yours tho

let people come to you and when the time comes, let them go, to let abundance in your life

once you get the hang of it, your need for indepence will take over and you'll see success comes easily with your leadership abilities 🌸

lot of spirit in taurus / 2nd house

you might not have felt good enough while growing up

in relationships, you might be the one who is more giving

pulling back from intense people might be good for you because you are prone to sacrificing yourself

and what you need is your own sense of "self", what you need is "you" separately

you are probably drawn to people who are wealthy and materalistic

others might challenge your self development but this is the area you need to work on anyways ✨

lot of spirit in gemini / 3rd house

you might have felt like you haven't been understood / listened enough while growing up, you might have had communication issues

you can read between the lines

you observe how people communicate, you can understand body language and gests and mimics easily

so it's hard to manipulate you, though, it might be easy for you to manipulate others

you probably make scenarios in your head to see how things can go

you might need to work on mind flexibility 🕊

lot of spirit in cancer / 4th house

family approval is important to you, uou feel like you need to belong somewhere, anywhere

because you might not have felt the emotional connection you wanted to feel as a child

the lack of emotional connection might have been with one parent or both; they might have been aloof or distant, physically or emotionally

in relationships, you may feel responsible like you need to carry the traditional roles of a gender

you like knowing what's going to happen, it might give you a feeling of security

having a job that where you take care of others will probably be good for you 🦄

lot of spirit in leo / 5th house

you might feel like you haven't been a child really, or you haven't had fun a lot

you might have grown up in an area with people that are very different than you

you wanted to be popular, but those differences did not really let you

and feeling neglected by your peers probably blocked your creativity and heart chakra

you might have developed a wall around you, which you think protects your self esteem but the only thing it does is not let love in

you should learn how to be comfortable letting that wall down and reach out to others 💖

lot of spirit in virgo / 6th house

you might have grown up having to out a standart for certain stuff

you might have felt like you had to do what you were told, and you put high standarts to do those things, in order to get your parents' attention

however, this probably led you to put too much effort into everything you did

which might have made you feel like you were responsible for anything and everything

you might have a tendency to take things too personally

high standarts are good, don't get me wrong, but it might feel good to not critisize yourself and others too much and let things loose a little 🎈

lot of spirit in libra / 7th house

you love harmony and getting along and all that, but when you see unjustice, whoops 👀

you can't stand that shit. but good for you!

when you defend someone who feels support, you feel good, it's like everything is as it's supposed to be

but while fighting for others, you might tend to ignore your own problems

and no, sweetie, that's not good. you need harmony here, too

pls learn how to set boundries and take as much as you give 🌠

lot of spirit in scorpio / 8th house

you probably have developed a strong sense of self which lets you know when to help people, and when to step back

you might feel like you are unintentionally attracted stuff that are about other people's values

fear of failure, ✨a lot✨ which makes you driven to use your full potential in like anything

people might try to use their power on you, which triggers your sense of defence

you need to trust, but it's hard for you, you need to feel like you are loved as who you are

doing your own thing and achieving your personal success will open doors for you 💸

lot of spirit in sagittarius / 9th house

you might not have felt confident enough while growing up

you might have been in situations where you felt like you had to speak up, but you just couldn't because of your lack of confidence

you have a philosophical approache to life and you love expanding your mentality

you're intuitive, you just know when someone is genuine or not

you don't like small talk, you want to dig deeper and deeper

following your intuition and avoiding gossip etc. is the best thing to do here 🎀

lot of spirit in capricorn / 10th house

you had to learn how to take responsibility at a younger age

you were probably someone to step back and observe, you might have felt suppressed and feared of stepping outta line

because you knew there were consequences to face after doing something

as you grow up, life has probably challenged you by leaving you in situations where you have to deal with self esteem, and eventually developing it

you might also like to challenge yourself and see how much more you can accomplish

you'll find a feeling of satisfaction by facing your fears, gaining control over who you are, making your goals clear and achieving them 👑

lot of spirit in aquarius / 11th house

you might have no or little control over your identity while growing up, and it might have affected your social life

you might have had mood swings every now and then, which probably made you feel like your life was full of ups and downs, like a rollercoaster

although you're a very friendly person, but you might have felt like you never fit in, so you learnt to rely on yourself only

you are still discovering yourself, and that's beautiful

expressing your unique ideas will make you meet people like you

however, you should overcome your impulsivity in order not to experience outbursts 🎈

lot of spirit in pisces / 12th house

you probably think you are here to help people

what makes you think this way is that there have been so many people who needed you

you try to see the best in people, and while that's good, sometimes your sight might get too cloudy, which could lead to not seeing red flags

whenever you feel like your energy is draining, you need to get away

you tend to bottle up your own problems, and open up when you feel like you can trust someone 100%

you may find it difficult to say no, but that's exactly what you should learn 💖

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Subaru Dark [Prologue]

ー The scene starts in front of the gate to the Demon World

Yui: ( I can get to the Demon World...By passing through this door. I’m sure I’d be able to meet up with Subaru-kun there, right? )

( I’m sure the Demon World has its own risks but...As long as I can reunite with Subaru-kun, I’m sure I’ll be fiーー )

*Creaaaak*

Yui: !

Subaru: You...!

Yui: Subaru-kun!?

Subaru: Knowing you, I had a hunch you’d come after me...Guess I hit the nail on the head, huh...?

Yui: Subaru-kun...Did you come and get me, perhaps?

Subaru: ...Don’t be gettin’ the wrong idea now! You see...I’m only here ‘cause I was worried ‘bout the house.

Yui: ...Fufu~

Subaru: Whatcha laughin’ for!?

Yui: Sorry. I felt so relieved as soon as I saw your face, I couldn’t help myself.

It was quite scary by myself after all...

So I’m glad you’re here.

Subaru: Hmph. Look at you grinning. ...Let’s get goin’ already.

Yui: Yeah.

( Subaru-kun...He really did come for me, didn’t he? )

( My anxiety is fading, almost as if I was never worried at all. )

( To think I can feel this way just from being together...I must really love him after all. )

Subaru: Oi, don’t be takin’ your sweet time ...Geez, when are you gonna wipe that grin off your face?

Yui: ...Coming! (1)

ー The scene shifts to the forest in the Demon World

Yui: ...It’s pitch black, huh?

Subaru: That’s ‘cause the lunar eclipse is ongoing. It’s gonna be like this for quite some time.

Yui: ( Which means it’ll be dark the whole time? Seems rather depressing. It’s a little scary as well... )

Subaru: ...

*Rustle*

Yui: Subaru-kun...?

( He grabbed my hand... )

Subaru: ...I’ll hold your hand like this.

Don’t look so worried. There’s honestly nothin’ for you to be scared ‘bout.

...I’m here with you, remember?

Yui: Subaru-kun...

Subaru: So make sure to stick by my side as well, ‘kay?

Yui: Yeah, gotcha. I’ll be right besides you the whole time. 

Subaru: ...I didn’t say ‘the whole time!’. It’d just be annoyin’ if you were to be glued to my side 24/7.

Yui: ...Would that be a nuisance? 

Subaru: When did I say that!? ...Fuck!

You should just stop rackin’ your brain over lil’ things and be with me, that’s all!

Yui: Yes!

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the entrance hall of the Sakamaki castle

Yui: What a lovely place...This is you guys’ house, right?

( Or castle, I should say... )

Subaru: Oi, don’t wander off. Father’s power is protectin’ the place from any outside threats, but even inside there’sーー

ー Approaching footsteps can be heard

Yui: ( Somebody’s here...? )

???: ...

Yui: ( A woman...? )

( She’s beautiful...Although she seems oddly familiarーー )

Subaru: ーー Mom.

Yui: Eh...?

( She’s Subaru-kun’s mother!? )

Christa: ...Oh my?

Yui: ( Ah, our eyes met... )

Christa: How unusual. A guest...?

Subaru: ...

Christa: !!

Yui: ( Eh...? Her expression changed...? )

Christa: No...Stop!! Stay away!!

Yui: Eh...? U-Um...

Christa: Stay away from me!!

Subaru: Che...Oi! Is nobody ‘round!?

Familiar A: Yes!

Christa: Stop! Don’t touch me!! Let me go!!

Familiar A: Ma’am! Please, follow me this way...!

ー Christa is escorted away

Yui: ...

Subaru: ...Haah...

Yui: Subaru-kun...That woman just now...

Subaru: ...She’s my mother...

She hadn’t been actin’ that way as of late...So what happened?

Yui: Perhaps the lunar eclipse is affecting her...?

Subaru: ...You might be right.

Yui: ( The eclipse makes Vampires emotionally unstable, doesn’t it? Is his mother experiencing something similar...? )

Subaru: Haah...

Yui: ( Subaru-kun seems exhausted. Although I can’t blame him after his mother spoke to him in such a way... )

( It must hurt, regardless if she’s being affected by the eclipse or not... )

Subaru: Oi. Let’s just get you to your room for now.

Yui: Sure.

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the balcony

Subaru: ...

ー Yui walks up to him

Yui: Subaru-kun?

Subaru: ...All settled in?

Yui: Yeah. Thanks. I can’t believe you had a room prepared even though I came uninvited.

Subaru: If you need anythin’ else, just ask one of the Familiars. They should be able to arrange most stuff.

Yui: Gotcha.

...Are you okay, Subaru-kun?

Subaru: ...How so?

Yui: I’m worried you might be taking what your mother said to heart.

Subaru: ...

Yui: ( She went through a lot...to the point of no longer being able to live by herself, didn’t she? )

( Worried about her well-being, Subaru-kun would go check up on her every now and then. )

( However, with the lunar eclipse ongoing...I wonder if she’s even more unstable than usual? )

...I’m sure it’ll get better once the eclipse has passed.

( This is pretty much all I can say... )

Subaru: ...Yui. Come here for a sec.

Yui: Sure.

Subaru: Take a seat.

Yui: ...? Okay.

Subaru: Lend me your shoulder. ...Even just for a lil’ bit.

Yui: Eh...?

On certain CGs, little black roses will appear on the screen. If you click on them, you get an extra line of dialogue.

“Your hand’s so tiny and slender...Yet it’s strangely comfortin’...”

“When I imagine something might happen to you...I nearly lose my mind. Stay by my side, okay?”

Yui: Subaru-kun...?

Subaru: ...I’m glad you’re here. Just by doin’ this, I feel like some weight has been taken off my mind. 

Yui: ...

*Rustle*

Subaru: ...What’s your deal?

Yui: ( ...He seemed down, so my hand subconsciously moved to pat his head... )

You didn’t like it?

Subaru: ...I never said that.

Yui: ( ...It must be hard. To have your own family push you away in such a way. )

( She seemed normal when our eyes met though... )

Subaru: Haah...

Yui: Hey, Subaru-kun? You don’t have to push yourself in front of me.

If you’re worried about your mother, I’ll do everything I can to help as well. 

Think about it, a stranger might have a better shot at getting through to her...

Subaru: Don’t think ‘bout it. I can’t let you do that.

She can get extremely violent when she snaps. You might get hurt if you’re near her.

Yui: But...The Lunar Eclipse makes her unstable, doesn’t it? In which case it might be better to have someone there by her side.

Subaru: Even if that were the case, there’s no reason you should carry that burden.

Yui: Burden, you say...

I just want you to cheer up, that’s all.

Subaru: ...

...Don’t come cryin’ to me afterwards.

Yui: Don’t worry. She’s your mother after all.

Subaru: ...You fool.

Yui: I hope the Eclipse will come to an end soon.

Subaru: They last long here. It won’t be over any time soon.

Yui: I see. You said that before, didn’t you?

Subaru: Yeah. That’s why they’re even more annoyin’.

Yui: I wonder if you’re letting me dote on you because of the Lunar Eclipse as well.

Subaru: Haah!? Dote on who!? 

Yui: I mean, usually you’d get upset if I were to pat your head like this, no?

Subaru: ...Then, should I get upset now?

Yui: Eh?

Subaru: ‘Cause you keep spoutin’ bullshit...I’ve become thirsty for your blood.

I’ll suck you harshly like usual.

Yui: ...But you’re always gentle, you know?

Subaru: I’m not. ...I won’t be kind with you.

ー Subaru bites her

Subaru: Hah, nn...Nn...

Yui: Uu...

Subaru: Nn...Phew...

Hah...Oi, Yui. Tell me as soon as somethin’ happens, ‘kay?

Yui: ...Of course.

( See? He really is gentle after all... )

*TIMESKIP*

Christa: ーー Nii-sama!! Where my dearest cousin!? (2)

Yui: !?

ー Yui wakes up in her room

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: That voice just now...!? 

*Rustle*

Yui: Ah...You woke up as well, Subaru-kun? The person shouting earlier...

Subaru: ...It was mom’s voice.

Yui: I wonder if something happened...? I’m worried so I’ll go take a look.

Subaru: You’re actually gonna look after her?

Yui: I mean...I can’t just turn a blind eye either.

ー Yui walks towards the door

Subaru: Ah, oi!

ー She leaves the room

Subaru: ...Will she be okay...?

ー The scene shifts to the library

Christa: Aah, why!? Why won’t anyone come!?

...Nii-sama...

*Knock knock*

ー Yui enters the library

Yui: Um, pardon the intrusion.

Christa: ...! You...

Yui: I could hear your voice so...Um, are you okaーー

Christa: Cordelia!?

Yui: Eh?

Christa: Cordelia...! Why are you here...?

Yui: ( Cordelia...? The name of the triplets’ mother...? Is she mistaking me for her, perhaps? )

Christa: Aah, Cordelia...I pity you as well.

I find it surprising you have stuck around this castle for so long. Do you still believe he loves you?

Yui: U-Um...

Christa: But I know. That is...a horrible misunderstanding. 

There is no love to speak of. Both you and me...We’re only being used by that man.

Yui: ( Used...? )

ー Subaru approaches them

Yui: Ah, Subaru-kuーー

Christa: ...!! No way! You’re here again!?

*Woosh*

Subaru: Ugh...Oi, cut it out!

Christa: No, don’t take one step closer!!

*Woosh*

Christa: Don’t show me your face!! Keep those filthy hands off me...!!

*Woosh*

Yui: ( ...! She threw a lamp at him...! )

Subaru-kun!

Subaru: Wha...Idiot! Don’t step in!

*THUD*

*Shatter*

Yui: Ow...!

Subaru: Yui!!

You fool...! You’re bleeding!

Yui: I’m fine...More importantly, your mother...

Subaru: ‘Fine’, my ass! Let’s get outta here!

*Rustle*

ー Subaru drags her away back to their room

Subaru: ...Has it stopped bleedin’?

Yui: Yeah. I’m fine now.

Subaru: Doesn’t it hurt?

Yui: It was just a scratch.

Subaru: Really? You’re a chick...and a human one at that. Shouldn’t you like disinfect it or somethin’?

Yui: You’re way too much of a worrywart, Subaru-kun. This kind of small injury will heal quickly, even when you’re human.

( Thank god one of the shards just lightly scraped my skin. Subaru-kun didn’t get hurt either. )

Subaru: ...

...You shouldn’t be here after all.

Yui: Eh?

Subaru: If you stay here, you’ll definitely get hurt again. I’m gonna get you back to the human world before that happens.

We’re leavin’ at once. Before mom becomes even more crazyーー

Yui: W-Wait, Subaru-kun! You’re blowing this way out of proportion!

The skin’s just a little scraped, so I promise you I’m fine. Don’t worry, okay?

Subaru: ...

Christa: Hurry up and bring Nii-sama to me! I am waiting!!

Subaru: ...Let’s step outside. You’re comin’ with me.

Monologue

Along the way after we left the manor,

I told Subaru-kun about what happened earlier.

That Christa-san,

had called me ‘Cordelia’. 

Yui: She seems to have the wrong idea.

Subaru: ーー About you?

Yui: Yeah. Seems like she thinks that I’m Cordelia. ...I wonder why?

Subaru: ...It just proves she’s not in her right mind, no? Did she say anythin’ else?

Yui: Um...Ah, right...

Subaru: What?

Yui: She said that...She’s being used by someone. 

Subaru: Used...? The fuck?

Yui: I don’t know myself but...According to her, so was Cordelia.

Subaru: I don’t get it...Oi, Yui. You should stop botherin’ with her as well.

Yui: But...She seemed calm when I was with her.

( Or rather, that might have been Cordelia’s influence... )

Subaru: ...I know she loses it as soon as she spots me.

Looking at it that way...It might be better if I wasn’t ‘round her.

Yui: Subaru-kun. Don’t put it like that. 

Subaru: ...It bothers me. It seems very likely you’ll get hurt if we stay here any longer. 

She may be my mom...But I’m not lettin’ her harm you.

Yui: ...Thank you, Subaru-kun.

But because she is your mother, I want to get on well with her.

Subaru: ...Che...Why are you so persistent...?

Yui: Because I loーー

Subaru: ...Nevermind, don’t say it! You’re just gonna spout weird shit again, aren’t you!?

...Fine. Do as you please. However, there’s one condition!

Whenever you’re with her, make sure I can jump in to save you at all times, ‘kay?

Don’t let yourself be alone with her in a private room. That’s the condition.

I’ll protect you. I won’t let anyone hurt you.

Yui: ( I’m pretty sure he doesn’t need to be that worried... )

( This just proves how concerned he is about me...as well as Christa-san, right? )

Yeah, sure. Thank you, Subaru-kun.

( ...I hope that one day, the three of us will all be able to sit down together for a nice chat... )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) Yui simply responds with うん! which would be ‘yeah!’ or ‘sure!’ in English. However, that didn’t quite make sense as a response to his question in the translation, so I adapted it a little. 

(2) 兄様 or ‘nii-sama’ is literally an affectionate or highly formal way to refer to one’s older brother. However, it is not uncommon in Japan for the word ‘nii-san’ or ‘nii-sama’ to be extended and used for elder, male people (whether other family members or even random strangers) by those who are younger than them. I did a quick Google search on the ‘calling your cousin onii-san’ topic in specific and found multiple responses of native speakers who admitted to doing this. 

To avoid confusion and since ‘my dearest cousin’ is a bit long for my liking to use repeatedly, I will simply use ‘Nii-sama’ in my translation.

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

<- [ Sakamaki Prologue ] [ Dark 01 ] ->

[some-kindofgnome]

tastes so bitter (tastes so sweet)

You’re driving back from an out-of-town mission with Hawks when your car breaks down on a very sparsely-populated highway. While you await relief, things get... personal. 

characters: takami keigo (hawks) x f!reader

word count: 7.1k

warnings: smut (18+ please!), car sex, pro hero!reader, angst, emotionally unavailable hawks

notes: ta-dah!!! the car sex fic! this turned out way longer and way more feelsy than I ever intended it to be. but I’m grateful for the chance to show you how I play with plot and emotion as well as some good porn. porn with feelings, y’know? 

EDIT: The supremely talented @la-saffron​ has created an absolutely spectacular piece of artwork for this fic! Please go and look at it right here, it’s really quite splendid

Masterlist

The shadowy trees on either side of the highway cast a chill across the pavement as the sky went dark.

It was far from sunset, but the woods were so tall and thick that the light had disappeared from the road a long time ago. The overpriced navigation system laid into the dashboard of Hawks’ luxurious car was no help at all; not when you were taking the only road for miles around.

The highway narrowly passed for two lanes, winding precariously down from the mountains. Dotted with reflective yellow signs- deer crossing, bear crossing, creatures-of-unimaginable-horror crossing. Bigfoot himself could have wandered into your headlights and you barely would’ve flinched.

But that was to be expected, given where you’d come from.

That day’s mission brought you both far, far away from the city. There was a national forest about three hours away- one of the biggest in the country- and you and Hawks had been called in at the crack of fucking dawn to drive all the way out to the woods and investigate some ‘strange reports,’ as the rangers cared to call them.

Most park rangers knew what they were seeing when guests came in from the woods reporting abnormal happenings. Nobody was truly immune to fear, though, when faced with the impossible.

Whether there were paranormal creatures lurking in those woods or not, you couldn’t have been sure. But after spending the day exhausting both your quirks combing every spare inch of those woods, you were relieved of your overnight duties by a group of other, more nature-savvy heroes.

Hawks had been miffed, but too exhausted to argue. He didn’t like to think he’d been overshadowed. You were just thankful to be going home to your own bed.

“Okay,” you sighed, nursing the last of a lukewarm soda from a burger joint at the edge of the only one-horse town you’d passed through. It was a pretty unassuming stop for dinner, but you and Hawks both agreed that the burgers were way too good to be sold to so few patrons.

Keigo was driving, with one palm splayed lazily across the bottom edge of the wheel. His scarlet wings stretched into the backseat, draping over the shoulders of his black leather backrest like some bizarre kind of seat cover.

The fact that his car was so luxurious was not lost on you- although you were more surprised to find out that he had one at all. Hawks seemed like the last person in the world to need a car, after living in a fantastic downtown penthouse. And owning a pair of wings, come to think of it.

He owned it because he could. And because he knew how good he looked in the driver’s seat.

“What?” He turned a curious eye toward you, though he never quite pulled his gaze from the road.

“I know we started this conversation on the way here,” you began, “but… we never exactly finished it.” You swirled what was left of the ice chips in the bottom of your cup, considering the best way to voice your thoughts.

“Alright.” He sounded vaguely amused, slouching a little further down and drawing an idle palm over his feathered hair. “Shoot.”

“Well…” You trailed off. “You’re kind of… a city guy.” You were already starting to talk with your hands. The racket coming from your half-drunk soda was proof enough.

“What makes you say that?”

“You are,” you defended. You let a playful edge creep into your tone. “And the agency’s kind of a city thing.”

“Am I really as one-note as you’re making me out to be?” He was chuckling. Your cheeks were going hot. You weren’t sure how this became a personal conversation, but you were determined to steer it in the proper direction. You course corrected.

“I just mean, we don’t take a lot of jobs outside the city. Like… ever. So, what’s with this one? Why this call?”

He didn’t answer right away. When you glanced across the car, he was licking his lips and appearing to be, very genuinely, thinking.

“Well,” he began. There was an immensely appealing depth that wore around the edges of his voice when he was deep in thought. You hung on tightly, trying your best to hide how intently you listened.

“I was just… bored, I guess.” He gave a lazy little shrug. His eyes were still trained on the windshield, but you could feel the weight of his urges. He wanted to look over. You turned your head, willing him to.

“Probably sounded like bullshit, now that I think about it,” he confessed, “but if there really was somethin’ freaky in those woods… I dunno. I wanted to see it.”

You resisted the urge to snort.

“Maybe you should start a ghost hunting branch at the agency.”

“Aw, c’mon,” he protested. This time, he really did drag his eyes away from the road for a second. They glinted playfully in the dark. You got a flash of pearly canine from the barest hint of a grin, but it was enough to put a stupid smile right across your face.

A sickening thud from beneath the hood zapped any false confidence you’d been building. There was a dull pop, then the engine died.

“What the- shit.” Hawks scrambled to put both hands on the wheel, navigating the car with what momentum remained over to the narrow shoulder. The tires hit gravel and soft mud, rolling pathetically to a stop and settling in damp silence.

“What the hell was that?” You leaned over the dashboard as your pulse came down from near-terminal velocity. There were half a dozen lights blinking away on the dashboard- symbols you couldn’t understand.

“Not sure.” Keigo was doing his best not to sound too perturbed. As a result, he was just perturbed enough.

You knew what those lights implied, though. Service due. Oil change due. Battery maintenance due.

“Jesus Christ,” you hissed, “when was the last time you took this car in for service? It’s a miracle you even made it out of the goddamn garage.”

Hawks was in the process of mashing the engine start button like an arcade game. When you spoke up, he pushed it down and held. The engine gave a dull, sad sort of sputter, but nothing roared to life.

“Look, look,” he dismissed, waving a hand in your direction as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “I don’t drive this thing that often, okay? I’m gonna go check under the hood.”

He climbed out of the driver’s side and slammed the door before giving you the chance to remind him to pop the hood. For a minute, you let him wallow in his mistake, watching gleefully as he pried at the seam of it. Finally, you unbuckled yourself and leaned over, flicking the release for him.

He gave an unamused glance toward the windshield and lifted the hood, obscuring all but the very tips of his drooping wings from view.

After about fifteen seconds, he ducked back into the car with a rush of cold air behind him. He rubbed his palms together as you watched, arms folded over your chest.

“So?” You prompted. He gave a sideways glance in your direction, blowing into his chilled hands.

“So what?”

“Oh my g- what’s wrong with the car?” You tried your best not to let panic set in.

“I don’t know. It’s just a bunch of pipes and wires under there. They didn’t exactly give me a map of the thing when I bought it.”

You’d seen Hawks pull people out of burning buildings before. You’d see him think on his feet, devise a plan and act on it in the blink of an eye. Usually, he was impulsive. Confident. Clever.

Tonight, on the other hand, he was demonstrating a very clear affinity for money over brains.

You flopped into your seat, scrubbing your hands over your face. You were not going to freak out. You refused to. It didn’t matter that Keigo had suddenly become useless in the face of disaster. You were heroes, even if you had to save your damned selves.

“Oh,” he quipped from beside you. “Still got bars. See?” As you peeked over at him through one cracked eyeball, he waved his illuminated phone screen at you. “It could be worse, kid. If this were a horror movie, this thing’d be dead.”

He tapped away on the screen, seeming very pleased with himself. Even his wings gave a little ruffle, draping themselves smoothly over the back of his seat again.

“I’ll call us a tow. We’ll be outta here in no time.”

A few minutes later, you had a map pulled up on your phone while Hawks’ brow creased deeper and deeper.

“Uh-huh.” His voice had taken on that irresistible deepness to it again, but this time it was sending pangs of dread through your gut.

“Right.” He brought a palm up to smooth over his jaw, fingertips bending and pressing idly against the patches of scruff that dusted it. “Y-yep, yeah, I understand. Fifty miles is a long way. I know it’s gonna be a lot to send a truck that far. But-“

As he was abruptly cut off by the other end of the line, those idle fingers slipped up to his temple, pressing inward and rubbing in stiff little circles.

“Okay. Alright. Yeah, I guess we’ll wait, ‘cause there’s not much else we can… I understand. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Okay, we’ll be here. Or within a ten-foot radius. Thanks. B-“

He blinked rapidly at the screen as he pulled it away from his ear. “Have an excellent night, sir,” he muttered under his breath. He let out a deep sigh, lifting a hip to tuck his phone away again.

“They said they would send someone,” he said, “but the depot is, like, fifty miles from here. Could be a couple of hours.”

“A couple hours?” That cold dread was settling into your chest again. So much for sleeping in your own bed.

“Yeah. C’mon, get out.”

“What?” You glanced past him at the frosted driver’s side window. “It looks freezing out there.”

“Well then, you’d better bundle up. C’mon. I’m gonna fly us back to the city.”

“No way. Hawks- Keigo.” You grabbed his arm and squeezed tightly as he made to get out of the car.

“What?” Exasperation was creeping into the edges of his voice. The sides of his gaze, too, as he landed against the seat back with a thud and turned his cheek to look at you.

“You’ve been flying all day. Your wings are shot. You’re not flying anywhere.”

“What? They’re fine.” He gave the appendages in question a defiant flutter and a cloud of expiring feathers floated into the backseat.

You folded your arms across your chest. Hawks gave a frustrated growl.

“What do you suggest, then?” He retorted in fierce opposition to your silence. “Just sit around and fucking… die of old age before the tow truck comes?”

“Oh my god, you’re the number two hero,” you snapped back. “When did you become such a drama queen? Yes, we’re going to wait. Like a normal person would have to.”

“I’m not being dramatic; I’m presenting you with a legitimate solution and you’re ignoring it!”

“If you try to fly us both out of here, you’re gonna hit the ground before we’re halfway home. And then we’ll be really stranded, with no water and no shelter. So, if you’d like to fly back all by yourself, I can’t stop you. But I’m not going to let you kill both of us.”

“Fine!” Hawks’ cheeks were flushed with temper as he kicked the door open and clambered out of the car. He kicked it shut again so hard the whole body rocked, and for a moment you were left, trapped in shocked silence.

He was really going to leave you out here. Alone.

Half a dozen heartbeats passed before his boots crunched on the shoulder and he wrenched the door open again, flopping back into the car with an immense sigh of irritated defeat.

“Fuckin’ freezing out there,” he muttered as quietly as possible.

You wanted to punch him.

“You ready to wait?”

His wings stiffened behind him, then drooped so lowly they seemed to disappear into the backseat. He looked at you from the corner of one tawny eye.

“Yeah.”

For the first hour, you honestly enjoyed yourself. As soon as Keigo accepted his fate, he got much closer to his usual mellow self. You finished off cold fries from dinner, listened to true crime podcasts on your phone, (you listened- he talked over the whole thing) and played a few ruthless games of hangman on a couple of napkins you found in the glove compartment.

You’d spent a lot of time with Hawks in a professional capacity. As partners, you took most of your missions together. You were well-versed in the way that he liked to think, the way he approached a job, a conversation. You worked well with each other and you were drawn to his quick wit and laid-back humour. Even if he was a piece of work at times, you made a strong team. But you didn’t do a whole lot of hanging out.

“Okay, that’s it,” he chided as you added an extravagant top hat to the completed, dressed hangman scrawled onto the inside fold of your last napkin. The word he’d failed to guess was ‘patience,’ and the irony of his struggling was not lost on you.

“Aw, c’mon,” you protested. “You’ve still got gloves and a bow tie left.”

“No, no, no.” He held up a palm, shaking his head. There was a good-natured grin curling his lip as he bowed toward the door. “I’m callin’ it. I gotta take a leak.”

You snatched your soda cup from the drink holder, clutching it protectively against your chest.

“You’re not going in here.”

Next, it was Hawks’ turn to shoot you a deadpan stare.

“How about in the woods? Is that allowed?”

Your cheeks went hot. “It’s pretty dark out there.”

“Aw.” Hawks shoved the door open. There was an unfamiliar glint to his eye as he tossed a mischievous look over his shoulder. “Guess you won’t be able to sneak a peek, then.”

You slammed your fist into his back. “Shut up and go take a piss.”  

As the car door clicked shut, you turned the other way out of sheer habit. All you could see in the opposite window was the reflection of your own face. Maybe it was just the dim light, but you looked exhausted. Keigo had seen you caked in blood, streaked by mud and soot before. But you’d both been awake since four o’clock that morning and there was a special kind of ugly feeling that came with overtiredness.

You were dreaming about the first thing you’d do when you got home again when Hawks climbed back into the car. He looked considerably brighter as he ducked inside, and he brought a flush of rich, earthy forest-smell along with him.

“Don’t tell me you couldn’t find it in the cold out there,” you quipped. Payback.

But Keigo just chuckled, shaking his head.

“Close the door,” you whined as the frigid air from outside finally reached your bare arms. “It’s already cold enough in here.”

“Aw,” he crooned, tugging the door shut behind him. “You scared of a little cold now, kid? It’s not so bad out there. Feel.”

He lunged at you, ducking rapidly to rub his frigid cheek against your shoulder. You let out a terse yelp and squirmed, trying to shove him back amid a sea of chilled giggles. He got a few passes of his icy skin on yours before you both realized how close you’d gotten.

Hawks cleared his throat and scooted away from you. In the bare light from the shitty overhead lamp, you were starting to see the outline of a flush creeping into his cheeks.

The light abruptly went out, leaving you in darkness again.

“Tell me something,” he mused, grabbing for the abandoned takeout bag and digging a hand into it. He produced a tiny wrapped square and tore it open with his teeth, removing the folded alcohol wipe from inside and gliding it with impossible grace over his fingertips. He eyed you sideways.

“How come we don’t hang out more?”

Your chest went cold. You’d been dreading that question all night. Longer than that, even.

“What d’you mean?” It was a gut response, but you instantly kicked yourself for even attempting to play dumb.

“You know,” he chided, dumping the wipe back into the paper bag once he was finished with it. “We work. We do interviews together. We do those bullshit PR functions together. I’ve known you- what, two years? And we’ve never even been for a drink. What gives, kid? Don’t tell me I grate on you.”

“I get plenty of you on company time,” you retorted. You were starting to panic. You weren’t ready for this conversation, but it didn’t seem like you were going to be rescued by the timely arrival of the tow truck.

“Okay, okay, I’d take that,” he laughed, “if you hadn’t agreed to take this mission with me. C’mon, this wasn’t exactly a nine-to-five gig.”

He paused. “Come out with me this weekend.” He nudged your shoulder with a bony elbow. You tried your best not to snap.

“Stop,” you pressed quietly. “You know why we don’t.”

The smirk slipped from Keigo’s face.

“What? Why?”

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Wait a second, there’s an actual reason? What the hell is it?”

The confusion was genuine on his face. Hawks could be a smarmy little shit when he wanted to be. But you could tell he wasn’t fucking with you.

“Oh my god.” The words slipped out like a deep breath. Your hand drifted to your mouth as cold shock ran over your skin. “You really don’t remember.”

“No.” His confusion was bordered with fear. He sat back a little, letting his eyes drift over your expression. “No, I really don’t.”

You swallowed hard. You should have known that you’d have to talk about this eventually. But he didn’t even remember the night that had been changing the way you acted around him for nearly a year.

“Last Christmas,” you began. Your breath was so short that it put a desperate hush to your voice that you absolutely hated. You revelled in your ability to act casual around him, but the more probing he got, the harder that composure was slipping.

“At the agency gala. You remember the party, right?”

Hawks rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, and I got trashed.” He paused. Realization dawned on his face, and he shot you the deepest, most sincere look of concern you’d ever seen. Even more sincere than the look that crossed his face when you got shot off the roof of a house and broke a rib.

He leaned forward.

“Did I do something?” He swept a palm over his mouth, fingertips dallying at his chin. You knew exactly how he felt in that moment. You’d been there before, too, realizing that you’d lost control. Blacked out. Understanding that you might have done something you were going to regret.

“You really don’t remember a thing?” It was your turn to be horrified. How could something that consumed your every thought stay so damned far from his?

His fingers were still curved around the point of his chin. He’d gone white, and he shook his head as his eyes cast down to his lap.

“You fucking kissed me, okay?” You snarled with a whip of frustration. “There was mistletoe and you kissed me under it and-and Christ, I can’t believe you.”

“What? What?” He demanded as his voice grew defensively sharp.

“I had no idea what you were gonna do. What you were gonna say, what was gonna change between us. I showed up to the agency the next morning and your hungover ass acted like nothing had ever happened.”

“Of course I did,” he defended, “I didn’t think anything did happen. Oh my God, did I really kiss you?” His wings were coming to life all of a sudden, bristling on either side of his seat. There was a dull whisp as one edge of them brushed against the window. They seemed to expand, along with his horror, to fill the entire car.

He pushed further. “Well, did you… did you want me to?”

You could see where his thoughts were taking him. The answer was an impossible dilemma. To lead him further down that path would not only be cruel, it would be untrue. But to tell him the truth- that you had wanted it- would be to shatter the fragile illusion of casual, platonic intimacy that you’d been building over the last two years.

You chewed your lower lip. Hard enough to hurt.

“Oh god, you didn’t,” he gasped. That was enough for you to lift your chin and shoot him a sudden, sad, pathetic little look.

“Jesus,” he gasped again, deeper this time. “You did.”

“Look,” you snapped. “I was never gonna say anything to you. I was never gonna push it. You didn’t feel that way and I knew that and I just wanted to work.”

He told you enough about his personal life as it was. Every date he swung in from on Monday morning, every Friday night he spent preening in the last hours of the workday hurt enough already. If you’d grown close, fallen harder, it would’ve become too much to bear.

“What do you mean, I didn’t feel that way? What way don’t I feel? How could you even know that?” He was beginning to raise his voice back at you and the adrenaline was pushing you way too far to listen.

“Because you never said a fucking word to me about that kiss! You pretended like it never even happened, Kei! What was I supposed to think!”

“If you’d asked me, you woulda known that I didn’t speak up ‘cause I didn’t remember a goddamn thing!” Keigo jammed a finger into his temple. His golden eyes flashed. He was so fucking hot when he was angry, but this was not a fight you ever wanted to have.

Luckily for you, he was having it without you.

“What do you want me to say to that?” He snarled. “Huh? What- you want me to tell you that I’m sorry for not having psychic powers? That I’m sorry I didn’t hire a mind-reader to tell me what the fuck was going on with you?”

He scrubbed his hands over his face. You were on the verge of tears.

“I-I never-“ you began, but Keigo beat you to the punch,

“You know, maybe I noticed that you were actin’ funny around me. And maybe I should’ve asked. But maybe if you ask yourself, and if you really, honestly give yourself the truest answer, you’d be able to admit that you knew how I felt about you. That you always knew.”

“Of course I knew!”

Your response echoed raw and deafening in the silence of the car. You’d lost your temper and shouted it at him with every decibel left in your breathless chest. Your fists were clenched atop your frigid thighs as you bent over in your seat, shivering. To your immense embarrassment, warm tears trickled down the sides of your nose.

He was right, after all. Every sideways smile he’d given you was just a little too broad to be friendly. Every time he caught you by the hand, he held it just a little too long. Every time he offered you the crook of his elbow at a stuffy charity gala and every time he poured you into a cab at the end of the night, he promised to take good care of you. Every time he looked at you at all it was with a depth that you had recognized, but never understood.

“But look at us, Kei. Look at what we do to each other.”

You sniffled, scrubbing tears off your cheeks with the heels of your hands. He reached for you, seeking to comfort, but his hands twitched midair and he drew back instead.

“Yeah,” he croaked. You tossed a glance in his direction. He looked more dejected than you’d seen him in a long time. He rested both hands on top of the wheel, the rest of his body sagging against the seat back.

“Except now I’ve told you,” you continued. “And now we both know, so everything’s fucked no matter what.”

You were met with silence. The truth was dawning on you. You hated to even consider it, but it felt like what needed to be done.

“When we get back to the city,” you started. Hawks interrupted you with a low rasp of your name.

“No, when we get back, I’m giving you my resignation.”

“Fuck, stop.”

Keigo lunged, grabbing you by the back of the neck and pulling you toward him. He rested his forehead against yours and closed his eyes. The warmth of his closeness weighed on you like a heavy quilt. You couldn’t even pretend not to be immensely comforted by affection from him.

“I’m not gonna let you do that, kid.”

You were both drawing deep breaths- slow, rolling gulps of air that matched over gradual time. You licked your lips, bracing your chilled palms on his shoulders. Your fingertips brushed the very edges of his feathered hair, dull and soft in the dark.

You’d talked each other down from bigger, badder edges before. But this one had sharp, jagged rocks waiting at the bottom. This one, you were going to have to jump from together.

“I can’t do this,” you pleaded. “I can’t keep myself away from you like this.”

“Don’t.” His voice was hushed and so achingly tender, like he couldn’t take the command himself.

“I can’t-“

“Then, don’t.”

He was firmer this time, and the pad of his thumb brushed the bottom of your lip. He pulled back just a hair, grazing the tip of his nose across yours. The heat of his breath puffed over your lips and his blonde eyelashes threatened to tickle your cheek.

He drew in a slow, calculated breath.

“Lemme kiss you. Lemme try again. I’m not gonna forget it this time, I swear.”

“Keigo, please.”

“Just lemme try. Just once. I’ll never ask you again, if you don’t want me to.” He pulled back the rest of the way and your body keened at the loss, but he looked deeply into your eyes. Deeply like he’d never been allowed to look before.

You licked your lips. Considered it for half a heartbeat. Then you gave a slow little nod.

“Okay.”

To your surprise, he didn’t lunge again. He took his time with you. He cupped your cheeks tenderly between his bare palms, memorizing the curve of your face. He stared, taking you in like this. At his mercy.

Finally, he leaned in and captured your mouth in a soft kiss, heartbreakingly loving. You responded eagerly, blossoming beneath his touch and bracing your hands on the broad plane of his chest. Your fingers curled in the fleece that lined his coat.

You kissed back with near-desperate urgency, shamelessly showing him how touch-starved you’d become. Dating was pointless when Keigo stole your whole heart every time you showed up to work.

The quiet press of his tongue had your jaw going slack in his hands. Your kiss went needy all at once, and he licked into your mouth with a hunger behind his movements that you never anticipated sensing from him.

You broke from him first, turning your cheek to him as your lungs burned. Your mouth was swollen, and you gasped greedily for whatever stale air lingered between you. He grabbed your chin and forced your eyes back to his.

His gaze was fearsome. Ravenous. You were powerless beneath it.

You combed your fingers through his hair like you’d always wanted to, settling your palm at the nape of his neck. Your own voice was nearly unrecognizable, nothing more than a feral growl.

“Get in the back.”

Hawks took one look at the narrow gap between his seat and yours and sat up, nudging the driver’s side door open. He climbed eagerly into the road and then back into the back seat, settling in the center with his legs and wings splayed wide.

Meanwhile, you took the opportunity to wiggle out of your boots and pants and slam dunk everything into the foothold of the passenger’s seat. You climbed over the center console in your underwear and settled into his lap.

Even though you had to bow your head against the cushioned ceiling, it was a holy sensation. Your thighs settled perfectly into the crooks of Keigo’s legs, and his hands slid so naturally over the curves of your hips. It was as if you’d done this before.

You kissed him again, using the weight of your newly boosted height to descend hard and loving against his lips. He grabbed you hard by the ass, drawing you smooth and tight against his hips.

“God,” he groaned eagerly into your mouth.

“You’re so. Fucking. Perfect,” you hissed back into his, and he squeezed you harder, breaking his lips from yours to trail a hungry path of kisses along the edge of your jaw. His scruff scratched at your chin just like you imagined it would. You loved him like this- trimmed, unshaven. The rougher, the better.

“Don’t say that,” he purred dangerously close to your ear. “You’ve seen me at my worst.”

You tried not to grin, remembering Keigo barfing over the balcony of the Plaza after one too many charity-benefit martinis. Keigo caked in ooze after cutting open that sludge villain from the inside. Keigo on the verge of tears, just a few minutes ago.

“I still think so,” you pressed, and he smiled against your cheek. His wings, tired and bruised but majestic as ever, stiffened proudly. They were capped firmly by the cramped space that surrounded you, but the feathers that spread across the back seat were sleek and graceful.

You dug your fingertips between his jacket and his t-shirt, feeling the warmth of his torso all over. He did his best to shrug it open, but the material was caught up on his wings- no getting it off now.

He wound his hands into the hem of his shirt and tugged it up for you. The skin you could feel by slipping your fingers underneath was all you were going to get.

Not that it mattered to you. It was far more than you’d let yourself so much as picture before. While you felt your way across his heated abdomen, he dipped his head to your pulse point. He scraped the points of his teeth across your tender flesh, making you sigh and shiver. He pressed a hand to the small of your back to keep you close and nibbled all the way down to your neckline, leaving a trail of tiny welts in his wake.

They would fade by morning. Tonight, the feeling was enough.

He glided smooth, tender fingers up your sides. You straightened, letting him wedge your long-sleeved t-shirt up around your shoulders. You had to bend even further and press your forehead awkwardly against his shoulder to wrench it off. Once he peeled the fabric over your head, you tossed it haphazardly toward the front seat. Keigo was already going to work on his fly.

The tender press of his erection had grown apparent by that point, stiff and needing down one thigh of his thick pants. You reached between your legs and palmed it indulgently. There was an answering throb of arousal in the pit of your belly as you felt the shape and thickness of it trapped against his body, and an even stronger one when his hips pressed into your touch and he gave a low rumble of approval.

“Don’t act so surprised,” he crooned. With his pants unfastened, and the bulk of his cock shifted to the stretchy pouch of his undershorts, he slid a fingertip down the plane of your belly and curled two graceful digits between your thighs.

“Are you wet for me yet?” He shot you a deep, lustful stare. You rocked your hips against his fingers, hopeless in resisting the pleasure he offered. Keigo nudged the crotch of your thong easily aside, dipping his middle finger against your slit.

He sucked a sharp breath through clenched teeth as you gave a simultaneous yelp of stimulation. When he looked up at you again, he bore a sly little grin. You’d seen it a thousand times before, but never with such desire. And never all for you.

“You’re drippin’, kid.” He arched his palm, slipping that finger slowly upward and easing it inside you. There was no stretch, but the sensation of intimacy- of being felt in such a way by those hands that you’d never dared to fantasize about- was intoxicating in its own right.

Keigo was, apparently, feeling it, too. His eyes were deeply lidded, glazed completely by his own desire. The tip of his cock had found its way over the waistband of his undershorts, weeping shiny precum against his stomach and the bottom of his shirt.

He curled a blunt fingertip inside you, massaging your tender front wall. The feeling rappelled up the column of your spine and brought deep trembles forward. It brought fresh handfuls of wet slick from your depths, gliding down his palm and between his fingers. He took the hints your body offered and rubbed faster, watching the way your expression morphed from desire to pleasure.

“Stop,” you hushed, leaning forward and pushing your lips to his. He drew his hand back from you immediately, settling it on your thigh. The wet little print it left against your skin wasn’t lost on you.

“Something wrong?”

“No,” you replied. “Just ready for you.”

He gave a low, loving little chuckle and shifted beneath you. “Can’t hold out any longer?”

You smiled into his hair. “Don’t want to.”

“Fair enough.” His smile was even, but the tug in his voice betrayed his fraying nerves. It thrilled you to know that you weren’t the only one putting way too much emotional stock in this. It was immensely validating to discover that he’d been anticipating it, too.

He wiggled and squirmed against the backseat, shucking his pants and underwear down over his thighs and letting his cock pop out. It bobbed against his stomach- thicker than you’d imagined- framed by a trimmed scruff of tawny hair that disappeared under his shirt.

“Fuck,” you sighed in spite of yourself.

“I know, right?” He rasped. He reached for you, cupping your jaw. He brought your forehead down to his, giving a weak laugh. “What the hell have we been waitin’ for?”

“We just needed the bottle episode to shove us together,” you giggled. “C’mon, we’re a walking trope right about now.”

“We’re about to become a different trope if you don’t let me fuck you.” It was his turn to play the desperate card. But the ache between your thighs had not dulled, even a little.

He wrapped his fingers around the base of his shaft and you lifted your hips. He gave the heated tip a playful little swipe along your slick slit, but his game backfired when both of you let out tight cries of sensation.

You rocked your hips forward, taking his tip eagerly inside. The sensation was toe-curling, made even better by the way he held you tightly against him, nosing at your ear and kissing any patch of skin he could reach.

He brought his free palm to your ass as soon as you were situated, helping you slide the rest of the way onto his cock. With your knees braced on either side of his lap and your feet pressed tightly against the front seat, you let him bottom out. And for a moment, you just sat there.

“Jesus,” Keigo sighed, lolling his head against the seat behind him. You still had your head deeply bowed, trapped in the space that seemed just an inch too tight.

“I…” Your thighs shuffled. Your hips gave a little squirm. It felt good, but it wasn’t enough. Keigo cracked an eye and lifted his chin, sensing a problem.

“What’s the matter?”

“I just…” Your cheeks went hot. You licked your lips. “I can’t move.”

His gaze cast downward, to the place where you were joined. He took in the press of your thighs, the curve of your neck. He snorted.

“No, you can’t. C’mere, kid, I gotcha.” He planted that palm on your ass again, drawing your hips forward and up, as far as you could take them. Your head and neck bowed with the rest of your back as he draped your upper body over his chest and held you tightly against him.

Then he planted his feet and gave one good, deep thrust. Your innards gave a jerk. Oh, fuck.

“That’s it,” you panted into his ear. He nodded tensely.

“Yeah?” He prompted. “That’s workin’ for ya? Alright, alright. We’ve got this, kid, c’mon. Lemme show you somethin’ good, okay?”

One thrust sent you spiralling. But the rhythm that he dove into- steady, tough, fluid- sent every nerve through your body into meltdown. You were entirely incapable of dealing with such pleasure, combined with the emotions that swirled through your lovestruck brain.

It felt as though you had been holding out needlessly for all this time. Like all the hurt and frustration and heartbreak you shed over him would be evaporated, now that you understood that he wanted you like this, too.

Like that was all there was. You, Hawks, and the free love you could now share.

“I’m n-not-“ Keigo stuttered, piping up after a series of breathless pants and airy groans, “n-not gonna last much longer, kid, you’re… really gonna make me feel it.”

“Yeah,” you breathed back. You looped your arms tightly around his neck, tilting your hips forward. You could feel the barest hint of stimulation when your clit brushed his belly, so you leaned into it- aching for your own release.

His rhythm doubled as the intensity of your pleasure spiked dangerously high, and when you gripped him hard and rocked your hips in time with his, there was a low, warning pull that echoed all the way up to your throat. You were close. Very close.

Your head dropped backward and Keigo leaned forward, drawing his mouth up the vulnerable column of your throat. He panted hard and heavy against your pulse point.

“That’s it, kid, that’s fuckin’ it, baby, oh, God, I’m g-gonna f-fucking… I- shit, I- can’t… fffuck!”

Keigo let a vicious roar tear from his throat as he reached his vibrant peak. His erratic thrusts brought you to a tight little climax, too, and you clung to him and whined and rode through the pleasure as he fucked madly up inside you, spurting messy shots of cum into your depths.

Gravity took hold of his pleasure, dripping it onto his shaft and pooling it in a sloppy mess between you. And when it was all finally over, you collapsed against his body and you both stayed, airless and spent, wrapped tightly around one another.

It was the bright flash of headlights on the back of his neck that brought you to the surface, moments later.

The inside of the car was warm and stuffy and damp. Had you just come in from outside, you might have realized that it reeked of sex. Sweat and breath and fluid and feeling. The windows were near-opaque, fogged by the dampness of your lovemaking.

It was a moment you might have loved to capture, if you weren’t about to be so rudely interrupted.

The light in your rear windshield was bright white and flashing orange. Unmistakable.

“The tow truck,” you wheezed, scrambling off of Keigo’s lap. “Oh, fuck.”

“Get dressed,” he muttered weakly, already scrambling to get himself cleaned up and decent. He was far more dressed than you were, so you did your best to climb back into the passenger’s seat and slide back into your own clothes. You banged your shin hard on the center console, and your head on the ceiling as your body flailed in retaliation. You crumpled into the front seat and nearly kneed yourself in the mouth trying to scramble back into your pants.

By the time you climbed out of the car, fully dressed, with a few additional bruises, Hawks was already standing on the shoulder, talking to the driver. The driver was wagering a few guesses on what might be wrong with the car. Hawks’ eyes had already glazed over.

“Hey,” he greeted, as he spotted you emerging over his shoulder. He introduced you quietly to the driver before the ballcap-wearing, bearded man spoke again.

“Yeah,” he gruffed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll give you a lift to garage nearby. It’s kinda late, but he keeps weird hours. I bet he’ll take a look for you, it’s prob’ly an easy fix.”

“That sounds great,” you gushed, clasping your palms together. There was a lot of stiffness settling in around your hips and thighs. You couldn’t be sure if it was a result of the compromising position you’d nearly been discovered in or the whole lot of not moving you’d done for hours before that.

Either way, it felt good to stretch your legs.

“You c’n go ahead and hop in the back,” the driver directed, waving the key that Keigo had apparently already given him in indication. “I’ll get you hooked up, no problem.”

Keigo opened the truck door for you, and you climbed over the passenger’s seat into the back. He followed closely behind you, tugging the door shut and slouching into the opposite side.

You sat in silence; hands clasped between your knees. A confusing air settled between you.

You felt vulnerable and raw and moony. You wanted to hold his hand and curl up to him in the back seat. Kiss his cheeks and tell him how good it was, tell him how much you felt.

For you, though, it could never be that simple. There was no free love for heroes like you.

Pay later, always.

Keigo felt the weight of your gaze. He turned to meet your eyes and shot you a thin smile. You’d seen the look that he’d turned to hide from you, though.

The truck driver climbed into the front seat before words could pass between you. But you didn’t need to hear them to know what they were going to be.

You didn’t need a warning to understand what Monday morning at the agency was going to look like.

[luciferloveschloe]

goodbye, lucifer (but not really!)

I cannot BELIEVE that I just watched the last episode of my favourite show.

I usually cram everything I have to in tags under gifsets I reblog, but for this final season I'll go through the pain of actually writing shit down. I'll try to keep it short, and I'll try not to ramble. (Edit: Did not accomplish that.)

what i loved

SCREAMS

God, soooooooo much!!

Deckerstar baby

Okay, so when Rory showed up in the trailer I was like "Ugh, another annoying angel? Meh." FORGIVE ME, my sweet murder child! Of all the things I thought they might do, a Deckerstar baby was DEAD LAST on my list. And a daughter no less, I just... When she says she's Lucifer's daughter, I was like *SCREAMS*, but when we learn she's Lucifer AND Chloe's daughter, I completely lost it. My boyfriend's on a trip with his friends this week and I'm sooo grateful for that, I made the weirdest, loudest, ugliest noises while watching this season, I ran around our apartment like a maniac, I squealed and laughed and cried and just generally lost my mind. But when she says that?? Oh my God. Also the way Lucifer reacted when Chloe shows him the pregnancy test? Straight outta fanfic.

Lucifer being a father

Oh my God?? I've always said he'd be the BEST father, and actually seeing it on screen... I love the parallel of him being ridiculously over the top with Rory at first, just like God and Lucifer in S5. The way he looks at her when he sees her playing the guitar? Their duet?? Instantly one of my favourite scenes. Them driving in the Corvette, their last day together, how he keeps her from killing Le Mec? Just murder me.

Established Deckerstar

All the hugs and kisses?? The declarations of love, the besotted looks, the absolute power couple we got? Their look from Maze and Eve's wedding, OH MY GOD???? Just, these two are so pretty and we got SO MUCH. Also, their scenes with Rory?? I just love them so much...

(More under the cut!)

Ella's storyline

I wanted a reveal for her so badly, and the way it turned out was brilliant! I loved her figuring it out for herself and calling everyone out lmao. I especially loved poor Carol returning to that room full of shocked people. They had some GREAT punchlines and gags this season, absolutely hilarious! I also love Lucifer's parting gift for her and that she finally found a good one with Carol.

Hugs, so many hugs!

That's it, that's the paragraph.

The Police storyline

As a white person who has literally never once had a problem with the police, I know this is not my place to say, but I think they did a good job? Not giving into the "a few bad apples" excuse but acknowledging that the whole system needs to change? I also really enjoyed the scenes with Amenadiel and Officer Harris, showing what policework could and should look like.

Maze and Eve's happily ever after

I'm so glad auntie Maze and auntie Eve got their happy ending! And that wedding was a bomb. Also, "You're my hell!", lmao.

Dan's ascend to heaven

First of, great to know his only torture was Belios' lack of table tennis skills. Secondly, how very fitting for the show that they didn't hand Dan his happy ending easily, that he fought and won it for himself. Him as a ghost and him as Le Mec was equally funny, and his talk with Trixie was just perfect, literally tears you guys.

Amenadiel becoming God

I mean, dude's perfect for the job! From the loyal, distant, obeying servant to a God who wants to work as a team with his siblings, who wants the Celestials to experience the human world, who hates injustice and loves fiercely? In this universe, I couldn't imagine anyone better suited to be God.

Nobody misses the case of the week

At least I don't! God, I wish they'd tried this out sooner.

The bittersweet ending

Let's preface this by saying I HATE bittersweet endings. Give me a happily ever after or else. And yet, and yet!! I think the ending they settled on is perfect. Would I have loved it if Lucifer had a life on earth with Chloe, Trixie and Rory? God, yes. Do I get emotional over him being alone in hell, again? Goddd, yes. But still. I so love that he found his calling in the end, that they reunited, and that he actually makes good on his promise from S5 to change the system. Also, I don't care if this is canon or fanon for now, but they totally spend time in heaven with Rory and visit earth whenever they like. And this would have been my ideal ending - them being free to go where they like, and I don't see why they shoudn't. It's definitely more satisfying than just traipsing off to heaven indefinitely, so I really, really loved that.

what i didn't (do feel free to skip this!)

Lucifer missing out on Chloe's life on earth and being alone in hell again. Chloe being left again.

Time travel shenanigans. I just finished Dark and that was enough of a mindfuck. Do not want to think about loops for this show, thank you very much.

Chloe felt a little too housewifey in the first episodes, but it thankfully didn't stay that way for long.

Lucifer and Chloe talking about keeping secrets for a whole episode, and then NOBODY TALKING ABOUT URIEL AND CANDY. I mean, ahhhhhhh! If you don't want to talk about it, then don't, but don't remind people of it constantly and then NOT discuss it. It drives me mad, honestly, how many times they referenced these storylines only to completely ignore them when there were opportunities to resolve them. Ahhh. That's what fic is for, I guess.

Adam. Like, why? Bye, dude.

what i'll keep with me

When someone I'd just met at my boyfriend's cousin's wedding in 2019 recommended this "funny, little show" to me that intrigued them because they were interested in finding their faith, I really didn't think I'd write all this three years later.

Lucifer is my third fandom, and it won't be my last, but it sure as hell - ha - will stay with me. I resonate so deeply with Lucifer as a character because he fights with the idea of God, fights with this concept of a benevolent father that everyone seems to believe in but never fit his experience. I come from a Christian family and studied theology, but somewhere along the lines I had to come to terms with the fact that the faith I had as a child and teenager didn't fit me anymore. I want to believe again, and maybe someday I will, but right now I don't know that. So Lucifer's journey with that meant a lot to me. I'd like to find what Ella did, I guess.

Although I never really thought Lucifer needed redemption, I loved the whole "anybody can be redeemed" message as well. And hell reform! Hell is such a weird, awful construct - speaking as the theology expert - bringing a bit of purgatory in in this universe is really fucking cool.

Also, I binged Lucifer when I was alone in hospital late at night. That experience alone I'll never forget.

So, I guess - thank you!! Thank you to the cast and crew, to the fans who campaigned for season four, to Ildy and Joe, to the writers and the directors and the people who brought lunch: Thank you so much for this incredible show. I'm not ready to say goodbye, not by a long shot, and I hope this fandom feels the same.

Yabba dabba do me, I love my stupid little show!!!

[pascalpanic]

F*ck Around and Find Out (Javier Peña x f!Reader)

Sequel to Fooled Around and Fell In Love

Summary: Your former fling and now boyfriend, Javier Peña, had a shitty day. Instead of soft comfort like last time, you go for something a little rougher.

W/C: <3k

Warnings: SMUT (18+), oral sex (m receiving), handcuffs, bottom!javi if you squint, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it babes), creampie, also lots of language but that’s a minor concern here lol

A/N: Well, I fucked around and found out. and it led me to this.

This is a sequel to Fooled Around and Fell In Love (linked here and above), but you can definitely read it as a standalone too!

Javi had another shitty day. Working for the DEA is a fucking grind, to say the very least. His weeks normally consist of at least one shitty day, but this one takes the cake for the entire month. 

He could’ve really used your calming touch, a kiss on the side of the face, something just to ground him, but you were busy. No matter how hard it was for him, Javier would not admit defeat. He would not ask for the tenderness he knew you’d so eagerly give, he couldn’t. He didn’t know how. So he didn’t, he took his anger out as he furiously wrote a report on the typewriter, smoked half a pack more than normal, and drank at least two pots of coffee from the break room. 

When the day ends, the clock striking 5:30, he pulls on his jacket with no hesitation. “Where the fuck are you going?” Steve asks as Javier shoves his shit in his briefcase. 

“Home, Murphy,” he snaps. “I’m getting the fuck out of here before I strangle Stechner until that balding head pops,” he grimaces. 

Steve’s eyes widen. “Well. Get some rest, maybe get laid. Get that shit outta your system.”

“Don’t you fucking talk about my girl like that,” he threatens.

Steve raises his hands in defense. “Just… saying that you need something to get that anger out. Have a good night, Javi,” he says and gets up from his chair, going god knows where. Javier couldn’t give less of a shit if he tried. 

Javier then proceeds to drive over to your apartment. He pulls out his brick of a sat-phone in the car and calls yours. You pick up after a few seconds. “Hello?”

“Hey dulzura,” Javier says with a sigh. 

“Hi, where are you? You could’ve just found me,” you chuckle, crossing your legs. You’re sitting on the edge of your desk, where Javier could’ve easily known you’d be if he had a single brain cell left that wasn’t being roasted by his hotheadedness. 

“I’m headed home- well, to your apartment. If I spent one more fucking minute in that place…” he trails off, anger fading to exhaustion. “And I just want to spend some time with you. Maybe slow dance in the kitchen again.”

You smile, hugging your free arm tight around yourself. “Of course, babe. You can get comfortable in my apartment, have a drink or something. I’m gonna be about an hour or so before I’m home. Fuckin’ Limón left a paper trail in Medellín and we’re trying to wrap it up.”

He sighs. He’s already waited this long, but he doesn’t know how to ask. He doesn’t know if he can ask, if he can tell you that he needs your love right now or he might burst. “Okay,” he says, nodding. 

His voice is so tired. So sad. You pout a little, looking over at your own cluttered desk. “Or… I suppose Limón can wait until the morning. He’s not going to do something crazy overnight, right?” You chuckle. 

There’s a small smile on Javi’s face now. “If he does, I will personally take over whatever you’re doing.”

You smile at the words. “Maybe I want him to do something crazy now,” you tease for a moment. “Well, I’ll head home now. Meet you at my place in a bit. I love you,” you tell him honestly. 

“Love you too, baby. See you in a bit,” he says and hangs up. He lets out a deep sigh at the relief of your voice, of the way just talking for you with less than a minute can take all of his stress away. 

He parks outside of your place, unlocking the door with the spare key you gave him. He sets his briefcase on your kitchen table. He finds a bottle of wine in your refrigerator and pours two glasses, sipping one and setting the other down for you.

Javier looks around your apartment, smiling softly. There’s a photo of the two of you on the end table by your sofa. It’s a shitty print of the two of you smiling into the disposable camera, faces washed out by the flash. Javier picks it up and chuckles. You’re grinning ear to ear, exposing your teeth and pressing your cheek to Javi’s. He may not show it, but he feels the same, although his smile is significantly smaller than yours. Closed lipped. His brown eyes show the weight of his joy. 

He sits on the couch and watches the TV with half of his attention. His anger from the day sinks back in, making him forcefully breathe slow to remain calm. She’ll be home soon, he reminds himself. She’ll kiss your skin and wrap her arms around you and tell you how much she loves you. You know she will. 

But Javier can’t wait. He gets up, pacing around the apartment. It’s only a short drive from the embassy to your place, but you probably had to put away some files and shit. He’s in the middle of his third lap from the kitchen to the living room when the doorknob rattles. 

He opens the door and sees your smile, and he wastes absolutely no time in cupping your face and kissing you deeply. You giggle at first, taken aback, before wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing back. You walk him backwards into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind you and slipping off your heels. “Bad day, huh?” You ask between kisses as the two of you meander to your couch. 

He breathes out a confirmation and you frown softly. “We better fix that,” you tell him, pressing your forehead to his. 

“I think we’d better,” he nods and kisses you again hungrily. Hard. Desperate, his tongue pressing against the seam of your lips. 

You break away as you reach the couch, sitting next to him and pulling him down with you. “Can I take care of you tonight?” You ask him, running a hand through his tobacco-brown waves.

He frowns a little. “What do you mean take care of me?” He asks, his head tilting to the side with his confusion. 

You smile. “Treat you right. Mainly in bed, that was kind of my plan,” you chuckle. 

“Oh really? Is that what you had in mind?”

You nod and press a soft kiss to his face. “You deserve it. Let me take the lead for once,” you mumble, kissing his jaw and his neck. “If you’ll be good for me.”

“What happens if I’m bad?” He mumbles, his head tilting to the side. He pulls you onto his lap, angling his head so you have better access. 

“Why don’t you fuck around and find out, hm?” You ask teasingly, nipping at his skin. He gasps in surprise and smirks. 

“Do your worst, baby girl,” he murmurs, and you kiss him again desperately. 

Your lips cling to his, arms pulling him as close as you can get. You don’t care that you’re still in your work clothing, you straddle him and palm him through his jeans. He groans and you push your tongue against his, moaning softly. 

The two of you stay like that for a little bit, your hand palming Javier’s hardening dick in time with your lips against his. He’s straining against his jeans, bucking into your hand when you pull away. 

You get off of him and stand, hands on your waist. You examine his belt, searching for one of the tools you know you can always find there. He’s about to ask if you need help unbuckling it, like the sarcastic asshole he is, before you lean down and grab the handcuffs with a grin. “I told you, I’m gonna take real good care of you. Now let’s head to bed,” you tell him, grabbing his hand and pulling him up.

He’s stunned, really. He’s never been anything but dominant in bed, always taking the lead, always putting in the heavy efforts. Even when you ride him, he’s the one thrusting up into you. But you jingle the handcuffs in front of you while you walk him to your room, and he thinks he’s already seeing stars.

“Fuck,” you sigh as you walk into your room and Javier squeezes your ass. You turn around, stripping your blazer and unbuttoning your shirt. “Take off your clothes,” you order him.

Javier obeys, smirking. “I think I kinda like it when you boss me around,” he teases, eyes widening in lust as he sees the curve of your breasts when your shirt falls to the floor. 

“Then you’re going to have a very good night,” you assure him teasingly, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “Is this okay? I know normally you’re the one doing this.”

“This is fucking perfect,” Javi laughs as he pushes down his jeans and then his boxers. “I’m excited to see what you have in mind. You know I’m down to try anything once.”

“You ever been handcuffed?” You ask, holding them up now that you’re in just your bra and panties- unintentionally matching today, a dark silky black. 

“No,” he admits. 

You raise an eyebrow. “I kind of expected someone like you would’ve, Peña,” you tease, pushing him down onto the bed. “Hands above your head. Got it?” You ask. 

“Yeah,” he mutters out breathlessly, putting his hands against your headboard. He positions himself readily for you, already rock hard and ready for you to do whatever the fuck you want. 

You smirk at the sight, tracing your fingertips over the line where your bra meets the flesh of your tits. “And you don’t get to touch tonight,” you tell him with a smirk, “but I promise it’ll be all about you.”

He smirks too. “Get over here so I can kiss you, at least,” he asks, and you nod, straddling him and bending down to kiss him where he lays, flat on his back. You grind your panty-covered slit across his dick, and he shudders as he can feel your wetness through the cloth. “Baby,” he mumbles. 

You pull away and look down at him, hands tracing over his body. “You’re so fucking hot, Javi,” you chuckle, fingers splayed out against his abs. “I am so lucky that I get this whenever I want it.”

“Whenever,” he nods in agreement, sitting up and kissing you again softly. 

“And I have never been one to take what I have for granted,” you murmur as you press him back down into the bed and kiss at his collarbones, his pecs, his abs and stomach and down to his hips. You leave soft marks across his skin, tasting every inch of it. “So fucking hot, Javi. God, you make me so wet whenever I even think about this.”

“Missed you today,” he breathes out as you slowly pump his dick, twisting your hand around him. “Needed you. Some love.”

“Yeah? You could’ve come and got me,” you chuckle, pressing kisses around the base of his dick. “Asked me.”

“Didn’t know how,” he admits breathlessly, grunting as you lick around the base slowly. “Didn’t wanna bother you.”

You pout up at him, stopping for a second. “You can always come get me, baby. You know that.”

He nods. “Doesn’t matter now. Just… oh fuck,” he shudders as you take the tip in your mouth, shivering at the sound he makes. “So good, Goddamn.”

He won’t last long at all tonight, but that’s fine by you. Tonight, you intend to get your pleasure through his, to put him first and treat him to a night of relaxation. Your hand pumps the base of his dick slowly, making him cry out and tug against the restraints of his hands, as your other hand pulls off your panties. 

“Javi,” you murmur with a devious smirk. “Good boys don’t tug.”

Even when you’re the one in control, Javier still holds the power. He can still make you do whatever he says. “Good girls don’t tease,” he flirts right back and it goes straight to the pooling heat between your legs. 

“I’m the one in control here,” you remind him, even though it’s weak. You both know it’s Javier pulling the strings. You rub his thigh softly. “Just relax for me, baby. Let me take the lead, just let it all go. I’ll take care of you like you take care of me.”

His thick adam’s apple bobs in his throat. “I’d relax better if you were riding my dick.”

“God, Javi, you’re so impatient,” you whine and look up at him. “I was getting there.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he chuckles. “Take your time then. I’ve got nowhere to go,” he shrugs, clanking his handcuffs around as a reminder that it’s not only a joke but literal.

You shoot him a glare and he gives an apologetic little smile that makes you giggle. “God, have I mentioned how much more I like you when you admit you love me? You’re not so intense in bed, even though you still can be. You can even be… cute.”

“I am not cute, dulzura,” Javier frowns.

“Yes you are! Look at that cute-ass pout you’re giving me,” you laugh. “You are adorable, Javi. Especially when you make those noises when I go down on you.” You take the tip in your mouth again, swirling your tongue around it.

Javier holds back the noises, now trying to prove a point. He’s nearly silent for the next few moments as you work him just the way he likes it with your mouth. You pout and pull away. “Will you let me hear those noises again if I get on your dick?”

Javier’s panting but he smiles and nods. “Maybe I’ll even listen to you and relax.”

You grin and bring your lips to his, kissing him deeply. “I think you will, because I have a surprise,” you murmur.

“I thought the cuffs were the surprise.”

“Just one part of it… I want you to cum inside me tonight. Raw.”

Javier’s breath catches in this throat. “Fuck, you’re sure?” He asks, desperate to touch your sides and grope your breasts in that gorgeous black bra. 

You nod. “I’m protected and clean.”

He nods back. “I am too, now please, baby-” You waste no time and sink your hips down over his, shuddering at how good it feels. “Javi,” you whine as you push all the way down, his thick cock bottoming out inside of you.

Javier’s already on the verge. “Fuck,” he grunts, biting down on his lip. Your hands rest flat on his chest, pushing him down into the bed. He can’t roll his hips up into you, can’t try to control the movement. It’s all on you. “Please, cariño,” and he’s already whining for you. Needy, desperate.

“Yeah baby? What do you want?” You ask flirtatiously, hovering your breasts in front of his face. Your hips wiggle teasingly on his, making him groan from the friction.

He pulls his head up to bury his face in your cleavage, tracing his tongue around the warm flesh of your tits. “Take it off for me. Please, baby.”

“No,” you say forcefully and lift all the way off of him, leaving you feeling achingly empty inside. “I’ll stop like this if you don’t behave.”

“I’ll do anything, dulzura,” he nods, hooking a leg around yours. “Please, just-”

“Good,” you practically purr as you line yourself up on him and sink down, moaning. “God, you’re so thick. Feel so good inside me Javi.”

He throws his head back into the pillow, your incessant teasing making his dick ache with tension. “If you keep fucking edging me, I’m gonna die,” he chuckles.

“Oh baby, this isn’t even real edging,” you murmur into his ear. You finally give in, putting your hands over his on the headboard, bouncing up and down on him. You kiss around his neck, working soft marks into places the shirt can cover tomorrow. “How does it feel?”

“So good,” he groans. “You feel so good on top of me, get me so deep inside of you,” he shudders, hips wiggling a little but stopping the motion as it makes you slow your pace.

“You’re a quick learner,” you mumble as you lick a hot stripe behind his ear. “You gonna cum for me?”

“Yeah,” he nods frantically, shuddering. “Please?”

He said please. Javier fucking Peña just asked you for permission to orgasm. You could get used to this. “Yes, come on baby, cum inside me,” you tell him and he follows your command. He thrusts up into you once, desperately, and the friction leads him to spill his hot seed inside of you. 

You whimper at the feeling, biting your lip. “Good job,” you mumble as you work him through it. It’s pure bliss for him, the feeling of your walls clenching around his bare dick and your slick soaking the hot skin there.

As he’s done, you slow down and roll off of him, grabbing the key to the handcuffs from the nightstand and unlocking the cuffs. His hands immediately find their way to your sides and pull you on top of him, kissing you hard. “That was so good, baby.”

“I thought so too,” you chuckle. “Maybe next time you can stop being such a stubborn bastard and give in for me.”

He nods. “I do like that. Although, I won’t lie, I like destroying you more,” he teases, fingers tracing down to the aching clit that never got an orgasm tonight. His own cum mixes with the wetness dripping from you in anticipation. “Mm, you need to cum, don’t you?” he groans and bites his lip. “Let’s fix that, baby.”

-

taglist:

@remmysbounty @mishasminion360 @softly-sad @blo0dangel @luxurybeskar @binarydanvvers  @sleep-tight1 @apascalrascal @randomness501 @spideysimpossiblegirl @notabotiswear @pedro-pastel @sanchosammy @dreamingindigital @theteddylupinexperience​

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S1:E4; Chapter Four, The Body - [Pt. 3]

A Will Byers x Male!Reader Series

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘌𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘠/𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘥𝘥 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧.

WARNINGS: Cursing. Homophobic comments from Tr*y [his in script use of the word fa*ry once] Reader fucking SNAPS.

|| 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ||

The five of us rode our bikes down the road to school, El on the back of Mike's bike as usual. She seemed eager to soak in everything around her like she would never see it again. Wind brushed the wig aside and she clung tightly to Mike.

Mike was beginning to slow down, the group of us all growing tired from the ride. Soon enough, however, we were walking through the back doors to the schools. Mike was in the lead as he turns to speak to us as we walked.

"Okay, remember, if anyone sees us, look sad."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

'He is still missing, isn't he?'

My thoughts were interrupted by the crackling of the speaker.

"Attention students, there will be an assembly to honor Will Byers in the gymnasium now. Do not go to fourth period."

I looked to the ceiling at the mention of my best friend and by the time I looked ahead, we had made it outside the AV room. Mike was attempting to open the door but it must be locked.

"It's locked." Mike confirmed.

"What?" Lucas asked.

"Hey, El, is there any way for you to open it?" I ask.

Before she could respond, we all jumped at the voice of Mr. Clarke and froze.

"Boys? Lady." He nodded towards El.

"Hey." Lucas breathed, obviously startled.

"Assembly's about to start."

"We know. We're just, you know..." Mike works a solemn look on his face as he spoke and the others seemed to join in, including me although it wasn't that difficult.

"Upset." Lucas nodded, dropping his nervous smile.

"Yeah, definitely upset," Dustin muttered.

I opened my mouth to speak, but thought better to say nothing at all and even looked down to the ground. Channeling all my emotions from just hours before.

"We need some alone time."

"To... cry." Dustin hesitated.

"Yeah, listen... I get it. I do. I know how hard this is, but let's just be there for Will, huh? And then," Mr. Clarke reached into his pocket and pulled out a key.

He tossed the key to Mike who caught it upon instinct.

"the Heathkit is all yours for the rest of the day. What do you say?"

We all looked to each other, wearing subtle triumphant smirks. It couldn't have been that easy, could it?

Mr. Clarke seemed to finally notice that he had no idea who El was.

"I don't believe we've met. What's your name?"

El seemed shocked and began to say 'Eleven' when Mike panicked and cut in.

"Eleanor! She's my, uh-"

"Cousin!" Lucas jumped in.

"Second cousin," Dustin added.

I started to laugh but caught myself just in time to play it off as a cough. I pretended to clear my throat as I looked to Mr. Clarke who was looking a bit confused.

"She's here for Will's funeral." Mike sighed.

Mr. Clarke seemed content with this answer as he shrugged and turned to her.

"Ah, well, welcome to Hawkins Middle, Eleanor. I wish you were here under better circumstances."

She looked to us and Mike, then turned to Mr. Clarke nodding her head. "Thank you."

A small smile fought its way into my face. She was doing great.

"Uh, where are you from exactly?"

El shook her head, sighing exasperatedly. "Bad place-"

"Sweden!" Dustin cuts in.

"I have a lot of Swedish family."

"She hates it there."

"Cold!"

"Subzero."

Meanwhile, I had fought back another laugh at the whole exchange and I had to play it off as a cough yet again.

"Are you alright, Mr. Henderson?"

My head snapped up, but luckily I was fairly quick on my feet this time.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I woke up with a fever, haven't been feeling well all morning. But I insisted on coming. For Will." Mr. Clarke seemed satisfied with my answer and dismissed our odd behavior.

"Shall we?"

"Yep!" We all follow Mr. Clarke to the gymnasium in silence.

As we get closer, I can hear the principal speaking from inside.

"At times like these, it is important that we come together as a community. We come-"

Dustin swung open the gymnasium doors far too hard and the loud bang echoed throughout the gym that had drawn the attention of the crowd. I elbow Dustin. I feel him shifting on his feet beside me as panic sets in.

"Abort." He whispers, turning to leave.

Thankfully, Lucas stops him and shoved him forward.

"We come together to heal... we come together to grieve..."

As the principle continues his speech, the five of us wander into the bleachers to find a seat.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

"Will Byers' death is an unimaginable tragedy. Will was an exceptional student and a wonderful friend to all of us. It's impossible to express the hole his loss will leave in our community. I'd like to introduce you to Sandy Sloane. She's a local grief counselor from the church over in Jonesboro."

While the principal carried on, the five of us all looked to each other, all sharing the same thought.

'We need to get to that radio. And soon.'

"I just want those of you who are having trouble dealing with this tragic loss..."

"Look at these fakers." I heard Mike whisper.

"They probably didn't even know his name till today." Lucas scoffed.

My head whipped to the side when I heard hushed chuckling. I wasn't surprised to see Troy and his friend as the source of the laughter. I glared daggers into them and my hands gripped the edge of my seat until I was sure my knuckles would tear.

The boys and El seemed quick to follow my gaze because soon enough, we were all leaning over glaring at them.

"Who is interested in this? This is so stupid." He laughed.

I grit my teeth as my vision filled with red.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..."

"Y/n..." Lucas warned, reaching out for my arm. I wasn't paying attention, but for some reason, I felt his hand leave my arm almost as soon as he grabbed it.

"'Oh, he was such a great student. Oh, he's going to leave a hole in the community.'" Troy mocked, beginning to fake sob.

I began to shake with rage, wanting nothing more than to stand up and scream 'fu-'

"Y/n,"

"What?!" I hissed at Lucas, my head whipping around to face him, my jaw clenched.

I saw fear in his eyes as he glanced between my eye line and my hands. I looked down at my own hands to see the dangerously strong grip on the wood. I yanked my hands off the bench and rubbed my hands together, keeping to myself.

I was shocked to see the faintest imprint of the most vaguely shaped hand on the bench. It was hardly noticeable and I had to do a double take.

'What the hell?'

El was leaning over and she met my gaze. She briefly looked at my hands, seeming to dismiss whatever thoughts she had. Then looked to Troy.

"Mouth breather." She whispered.

I let out a strained chuckle and nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, mouth breather." I whispered, looking back and Troy.

Eventually, the bell rang, dismissing the assembly. Even though Lucas and Dustin seemed to have let it go, Mike and I were not finished.

"Hey! Hey! Hey Troy." Mike called.

I could tell he could hear us because he barely slowed down but was clearly laughing. I stomped towards him and called him out, loud and clear.

"Hey, jackass!"

He stopped in his tracks and turned around. He seemed like he wanted to be mad, but almost like he was happy he got a rise out of us.

"You think that shit was funny?" My voice never wavered and the boys and El seemed just as shocked as I was feeling at my newfound courage.

"What'd you say, orphan?" He asked, dumbfounded.

He only called me that when he was really pissed at me.

"You heard me! And how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not an orphan if I was adopted, you dumbass! Now what the hell is in that tiny brain of yours that would compel you to laugh at someone dying, huh? I mean, shit, you must really be sick in the head. I feel sorry for you." I spit out my last few words, my voice dripping with malice.

By now I was in his face, finally letting out all the pent-up aggression I've harbored for years. And it felt good.

"Get the hell outta my face, freak!" He yells shoving me back.

I get ready to strike but Dustin grabs my arm before my fist can collide with Troy's face. I struggle to get free but my brother was determined to hold me back, with the help of Lucas of course.

"Control your 'brother', Toothless. Or he just might lose a few teeth of his own." He glares at me and I still attempt to break free.

Mike seems to have found his voice as all of this happened because he was the next to speak.

"H-Hey, he's right! Laughing like that? That's a pretty messed up thing to do."

Troy, glares at us as his minion speaks.

"Didn't you listen to the counselor, freaks? Grief shows itself in funny ways."

"You little shit-" I attempt once more to get a right hook in but Lucas stops me.

Troy laughs at me struggling.

"Besides, what's there to be sad about, anyway? Will's in fairyland now, right? Flying around with all the other little fairies. All happy and gay!"

Lucas loosened his grip on me, silently letting me go as Troy began dancing around, mocking Will.

I swung my fist and I felt it collide with his nose with a satisfying crack. He stumbled back and grasped his nose in surprise, he pulled his hand away to find a few drops of blood on his hands. The crowd that had gathered while all of this unfolded, gasped in surprise. I even earned some scattered cheers among the students.

I seemed to realize the consequences of my actions, but I was prepared to face them. It was worth it. I watched as he stormed towards me, blinded by fury.

"You're dead, freak!" He stomped towards me at a shocking speed and I stumbled back, bracing myself for the inevitable retaliation but it never came.

All I felt was a sudden pair of hands on my right arm, harshly pushing me out of the way. I looked in time to see it was Mike who pushed me out of the way. I gakwed in confusion at what happened next.

Troy had just begun to raise his arm as he was only inches from Mike when he froze.

He completely froze in place.

He seemed just as confused, if not more than anyone. That confusion quickly bubbled into fear as his eyes scanned the room as much as he could without moving his head.

It finally dawned on me and I spared a quick glance at El, who was laser-focused on Troy, head tilted down and the smallest hint of blood dripping from her nose. I smirked and looked back to Troy, a smug smile on my face.

I couldn't hold back the laughter as I saw his pants begin to dampen with urine. A stream of it began pooling at his leg, and it even soaked into his socks and shoes. Other students caught on quickly and one boy in particular, began laughing.

"Dude, Troy peed himself!"

The circle of kids erupted into laughter as Troy stood frozen in a puddle of his own pee. I turned to El, who wore a devilish smirk on her face as she glanced between Mike and me. She quickly wiped her nose and started walking away. The boys and I enjoyed this brief moment of bliss.

"Hey! What is going on here?" The principle shouted.

"Come on!" I whisper, gesturing for the boys who all had the same idea. Before people could start asking questions we grouped together and made our way to the AV room unnoticed.

[blushinggray]

Free! The Final Stroke screeching/reaction (spoilers)

AHHHHH I JUST WATCHED THE FINAL STROKE MOVIE TODAY IN THEATERS ON PREMIER DAY AND IT WAS LAKSJDFOAIFJWOEI to summarize it all, it was Very Gay, which was to be expected but they DID NOT have to get so freaking extra with it 😩😩😩

much screaming and many spoilers ahead

FIRST OF ALL, KIRISHIMA NATSUYA: HE WAS SO FUCKING HANDSOME DAFKJOIEFJOSIDJF. SO HANDSOME. SO HANDSOME AND STUPID AND OVERLY FRIENDLY AS WE LOVE HIM TO BE ALKDSJFOAIEW.

he was in the film for a total of maybe 5 minutes altogether, which was kind of a lot bc the film kind of was just putting all the characters back in for the sake of putting them in imo? for the fans, lol. so everyone could see their faves. and in these five minutes that he appeared, our mans:

bragged about his little brother he's so proud of

got laughed at by nao for being natsuya (aka dumb and straightforward) as usual

trained with sousuke (he was hanging out in the same pool with him, nao, and makoto to train and aid in sousuke's rehab training)

got a call from ikuya after the international swimming competition in sydney!!!! in that same cafe he's always at!!!! and he was with nao at the time he got the call. casual and cool as always, being the cool big brother or whatever. he ended the call with a curt, "you got it. see you. don't catch a cold."

HE WAS HANGING OUT AT CAFE MARON WHILE THEY WAITED FOR THE SYDNEY COMPETITORS TO COME BACK TO JAPAN. HE WAS BEHIND THE COUNTER WITH ASAHI (WHO WAS HOLDING BABY TSUKIMI IN A CARRIER ON HIS CHEST!!!!!) AND HE THREW HIS ARM AROUND ASAHI AND WAS GETTING SO CLOSE LIKE ALKSDJFAOIEJAOEI. I have absolutely no clue what he was saying at the time bc i was too busy freaking out and trying to hold in the sounds bc the theater was so quiet. but his GODDAMN FACE. HE WAS SMIRKING. SO HANDSOME 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

and of fucking course, they were all out together at a restaurant when the sydney competitors came back, and he was like, "wth no one else is drinking alcohol tonight?" and nao was like "ofc not haha" AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

HE FUCKING FALLS ASLEEP AT THE TABLE AFTER DRINKING AND EVERYONE IS SURROUNDING HIM AND PATTING HIM LIKE "dude..." and ikuya is sitting there like, omg can't believe this mess is my brother....

i thought that just might be his last scene in the film but then we show back up to the kirishima household and natsuya is eating some sort of luxury holiday(?) bento and ikuya is like "aren't you gonna save any for me?" and natsuya's like "of course not. this is for me, you gotta wait until next year xD" and then ikuya just fucking SNATCHES up several different foods and stuffs his face with all of them and natsuya starts arguing with him over them laskjdfoawiefjao where was this brotherly affection all this time?????

and then cut to a few seconds later, natsuya's bumming in his room on the floor like in s3 when ikuya comes in and tells him about his new future goals and alskdjfaoei brothers sharing their ambitions together 😩😩 WHAT IS GOING ON. EVERYONE GETS ALONG SO WELL NOW???

NEXT: we'll go back to the beginning i guess lmfao but they're preparing for some sort of university festival

we start off with an easily misunderstandable shoujo-style situation where asahi is talking to ikuya like, "i know it's your first time... you don't have to be nervous. i know you can do it." and ikuya's like "no! i can't 😣" like the tsun he is backed up against the wall. and then it turns out they're trying to make a mille feuille cake.... but everything he's made so far looked like crepes

and for some damn reason, KISUMI comes outta nowhere into the kitchen and is like "ooooh what's this? a mille feuille cake? although they all look kinda like crepes haha ^^" and then ikuya RUNS THE FUCK OUT OF THE KITCHEN, yelling, "i told you i couldn't do it!!!" like the fucking tsun he is... and asahi is yelling at kisumi like "why did you just say that!!!" and starts rubbing his knuckles into kisumi's head and kisumi's just laughing like, "oh did i do that hehe"

and for some reason... seijuurou is working at the booth in his speedo and swim team jacket. i mean i'm not complaining but sir.... PLS TAKE MY MONEY AND GIVE ME YOUR FAT OCTOPUS BALLS. (he literally started a batter mixing competition with hoshikawa inside the booth, like what are they even doing in the same booth???)

then rin and sousuke show up to ikuya, asahi, and hiyori(?)'s booth, and they're offering them the crepes and then they get into a conversation about smth that leads into them showing the embarrassing photos they have of each other?????? like ikuya has a pic of rin in his maid costume for some reason??? (tho it isn't shown) and rin shows an embarrassing pic of ikuya he has in his phone that he got from natsuya???????????? and then ikuya starts chasing after rin yelling at him to delete it lasdkjfoaei

and then haru is off to the side selling ugly ass bird mascots again lmfao. bc ofc he is. love that weirdo

BUT THE REAL KICKER HERE IS KINJOU!!!!!!!!!!!

APPARENTLY, HIS VILLAIN BACKSTORY COMES FROM HIS CHILDHOOD CRUSH (/exaggerated) ON HIYORI ALSKDJFOAIE WHAAAT. apparently he was that annoying kid in the playground who would go up to hiyori and bother him bc he wanted a friend. bb hiyori was literally like "why are you even talking to me so much?" in his sandbox. and bb kinjou is like, "well there's gotta be smth you like, right? what is it?" and hiyori's like "well i feel kinda happy when i'm swimming... :)" as images of ikuya flash into his mind, that gay ass

BUT KINJOU'S GAY ASS EYES START SPARKLING TOO AND THEN HE'S LIKE "I GOTTA LEARN WHAT THE BIG DEAL ABOUT SWIMMING IS" and he runs home, begs his brother to take him to the pool. but next time he brings his swimming stuff with him to the playground, hiyori isn't there anymore and apparently he left for america at that time (or smth). so poor baby basically got ghosted

but hiyori still knows him when they're older!!!! kinjou shows up when they're throwing out the trash after the uni festival and calls out to hiyori to taught him (which is where that bullying preview scene came from i guess) and alkfjeoiaejoaifj omfg it's like that estranged childhood friends (sorta) trope but it'll never go kinjou's way bc hiyori is and will always be in love with ikuya 😔

kinjou would make such a good yandere tho!!!! he has a feral expression on a few times throughout the movie, and during a race he gets super competitive mid-race and... ngl he was kinda sexy 😳 i'm actually kind of surprised by how taken i was with him in this movie. doesn't help that he's unfairly handsome and his hair looks fucking amazing. i MAY OR MAY NOT be exploring this man in the future..................

i also found the ending with haru pretty interesting!!!! it kind of hints at neurodivergence? smth along the lines of disassociation or multiple personalities? (guess 50% off was kinda right on that end lmfao).

he gets obsessed with beating albert wahlander, which is the most fired up i've ever seen him (to the point of almost hurting himself) and then the shadow or whatever effect albert has on haru kind of just overtakes him and pushes haru out of his own body in a way... it doesn't make sense to describe it this way, i know, but haru is literally watching himself say hurtful things to his friends while being overtaken by this... albert obsessed persona?

it's so interesting to see haru being the one obsessing over someone instead of the other way around for once!!! at the end of the movie (after all the credits) haru says the same thing he once said at the beginning of season 1? about how "at age 5, you're a prodigy. at age 15, you're a genius. at age 20(?), you're average." and this is def gonna be explored/concluded in the second part of the final stroke movie so i'm excited for that!!!! april 2022 come at me!!!!

there were SOOOOO many other things going on, plot wise and fanservice wise, and ofc kyoto animation was fucking TOP TIER SHIT. all the water effects... there was a shot where haru was looking at his reflection in the water and they make a drop fall and spread and shake his reflection in the waves and it was lafkjsefoiaeja fucking glorious. the soundtrack was lovely too. there was a RADWIMPS-esque beginning song and a sexy ass electric guitar buildup for kinjou (which may or may not be contributing to my growing obsession with him...)

AHHHH!!!! it was so good and everyone was so cute and handsome and gay and funny. we literally see every single character we've met before in some way, shape, or form lmfao. i might just go back to the theater and watch it again on one of the upcoming holidays this week.... SO GOOD. SO GOOD.

I LOVE ALL THESE GAY SWIMMING BOYS SO MUCH 😩😩😩

[vickyvicarious]

Parker: "Teach me to like stuff."

.

Okay, so. I have some thoughts about The French Connection Job's Parker+Eliot subplot. And I think I wanna approach it separately, scene by scene from each of their perspectives, because we have a couple different things going on here. It's still a little more of a Parker meta than an Eliot meta, but I have enough to talk about on both sides, and they're connected enough not to be in separate metas, that I am going to do it this way.

Also going to put this under a cut because it gets long.

Parker

This whole subplot comes on the heels of the last episode, in which there was a lot of banter throughout about Hardison and Parker's dates, and him wanting to branch out into other things than just bungee jumping or whatever. We have seen hints of this throughout S5 so far, even though we're only a few episodes in at this point. They went on a world tour that was pretty much just jumping off of stuff, Hardison said something about them figuring things out. We saw a cute domestic scene of the aftermath of them watching a movie together, except Parker 'fell asleep again' and missed most of it, and Hardison eventually went off to work on his laptop. Parker tried to comfort him last episode about dust mites and ended up freaking him out instead. She talked about how she liked fire and Hardison complained she was missing the point of his offer for a candlelit picnic. They did end on a very romantic note with her still making the effort to make it happen but getting rained out, and him recognizing her effort and listening to him, and projecting the stars around the dark room then having the picnic inside. They are clearly very happy together and both making the effort to meet in the middle, but there are still some disconnects. Which makes sense this early on anyway, but it's not out of place for Parker to start getting worried about her limited interests here given the context of them contrasting Hardison's more widespread interests.

Starting right off the bat - there's a picture limit so I can't show these early moments, but throughout the first part of the episode we see Parker looking visibly upset/pensive. Hardison notices and asks her what's wrong, but is immediately distracted by his package arriving, and then the team gets into the briefing and he doesn't get to talk to her again. (Sidenote that this is pretty OOC for Hardison, and I have to assume he would at the very least come back to her later, but they were clearly trying to get Parker talking with someone else this episode and apparently couldn't come up with a better way to do it. His writing outside of the kitchen stuff was kinda off this whole episode anyway, what with the whole tip thing.) She was about to open up to him, however, which is important. There's also a scene shortly afterwards where she confides in Nate, again after he notices her being upset and asks what's bothering her. She claims everyone but her has 'a thing', and names a few of them. He asks her what she thinks when she sees Michelangelo's David, and when her answer is an immediate assessment of how it's guarded and what she'd have to do to steal it, he kind of hesitates and then goes right back to running the con. He basically gives up on helping her with this once it becomes clear that a quick sentence or two isn't gonna cut it.

So after those brief, unhelpful conversations, that's when she makes a move. She was responding to others before, but this time she comes up to Eliot, clearly nervous. And she asks him to help her feel something.

(I find it very interesting that she doesn't ask Sophie. Sophie is the person who she would usually go to for something like this, after all. But, aside from this being an Eliot-centric episode and just like them sidelining Hardison's possible assistance earlier the writers want Parker to talk with Eliot not Sophie, I think there are maybe a couple reasons why she might go to him here. First, just distance. Eliot is right downstairs, meanwhile at the moment Sophie is however far across town at her theater. Certainly not saying she wouldn't go to Sophie eventually, but maybe that's why not first. Second, she and Eliot have an understanding, one that's been explicitly acknowledged since the start of S4. They are similar in a way entirely unlike the rest of the crew. So while Sophie may understand emotions best, Eliot is the one most likely to know what Parker is talking about when she says she just isn't feeling anything. Which by the way I'm gonna get more into later on. Thirdly they're in love but that's not actually relevant here since all of the team love one another.)

Eliot

On Eliot's side, she approaches him when he's busy in the kitchen. This whole job is stirring up a lot of old feelings in him right from the start. Toby was someone who 'kept him from falling all the way down', and Eliot is deeply concerned for him. At the same time, the way they are running this con is allowing Eliot to take on the role of teacher. Even though his students aren't anything like the eager students Toby has just had taken away from him, Eliot wants so badly to take advantage of this opportunity to teach them - maybe even all the more because they're resistant. He's being given a very rare opportunity to indulge his belief that food is life and to share it on a larger scale. To use the knife to create, not just destroy. Leverage often walks a line between doing both (taking down the bad guys and helping people) but Eliot doesn't often just straight up get to just do the 'creating' part. (I mean, he loves the destruction too, he genuinely loves beating people up and taking down bad guys, but this is a rarer pleasure.) So he's pretty preoccupied with that at first, and initially dismisses Parker just like the other two guys did.

But when she just looks quietly disappointed at his response, he goes still and watches her. We cut away from them here so we don't see his actual response, but it's immediately clear that he's realizing this is actually something deeply important to Parker, and well worth his time.

On to the next part of this scene below.

.

[Eliot sets a dish down in front of Parker]

Parker: "...It's just food."

Eliot: "It's not just food! Alright, some people could look at it and just see food, but not me. I see art. When I'm in the kitchen I'm, I'm creating something outta nothing, you know what I mean? And sometimes I crush it, sometimes it's crap, but either way - it makes me feel something."

Parker: "Feel what?"

Eliot: "Just... feel."

Parker: [murmuring] "Feel... okay." [looks down at the food and hesitates]

Eliot: "You know, I didn't feel anything for a long time. Then Toby taught me how to cook, and after he did, I started to feel stuff again. That's why I share it through my food - this is my art. This is my art, Parker." [Parker nods, looking worried] "It's like lettin' a stranger in your head, just for a second. And you allow them to feel what you're feeling." [pause] "Look again." [he pushes the plate a little closer to her. Parker takes a deep breath and slowly sets her elbows down on the counter as she stares down at the plate. Eliot watches her closely.]

Parker

At this point I want to talk a little about what Parker means when she says "feel something" and talks about "having a thing." Because we've seen her have interests outside of straightforward thievery before. Sure, most of her hobbies revolves around stealing - casing local banks for fun, for example. But she clearly has a deep love for Christmas and for chocolate. So why doesn't she count those kinds of things as 'feeling something'?

I think it comes down to what Eliot's talking about here. It's a sense of art. Not even necessarily making it yourself, although that certainly applies. Parker likes sweet things like chocolate and donuts, but although she really really likes them they don't make her feel any truly deep emotion. It's more tactile than anything else, just a pleasant flavor. Her love of Christmas isn't the same either in her eyes because it's not uniquely hers. It's something she loves to celebrate but she can't do so all year round, and plenty of other people like Christmas too. This one comes a lot closer, because it definitely seems to be tied up more in community and family for her than something like enjoying chocolate and piñatas, but it still doesn't belong to her in the same way that cooking does to Eliot or theater does to Sophie. And while theoretically her love of base jumping and so on could maybe count, it is still so tied up in her thieving that it doesn't feel separate. She's really good at drawing but only thinks of it as a useful skill, not a creative outlet - this is similar to that.

She has been branching out into a lot of new experiences and emotions lately, and while she's struck out deep into uncharted waters with her relationship with Hardison, once there she's only seeing more and more things that she just... doesn't get. She loves spending time with him, and enjoys what they do together, but she doesn't understand all of those things. Not on a deeper level. She wants to feel that sense of connection to something, wants to feel deeply emotionally moved by something.

And honestly? I think she's way up in her head about it. I'm not trying to dismiss her struggle here at all, but I do think she is stressing herself out about having something uniquely her own. About having a huge interest that speaks so strongly to her personally. And those are amazing to have, but it's really not necessary. She doesn't need a strong secondary passion so much as she needs to let go of trying so hard to force herself into something.

And what's happening in this scene in particular is that Parker is trying so so hard to force herself to feel something. It's evident in her face throughout the whole scene, in her body language. And she is so terrified that it's not going to work that honestly, I'm not surprised at all that it doesn't.

Eliot

On Eliot's side of this scene, he feels like he recognizes where Parker is. This entire job has him remembering how it was to feel nothing. Her phrasing got to him deeply. He wants to reach out and teach her to see something more, just like Toby taught him.

He knew a bit about how to cook before Toby. But it was only seeing Toby's passion that struck something in him, that awoke a part of himself he might've never known before. For Eliot specifically, cooking being an art isn't just something he likes. It's something that brings him hope.

Eliot doesn't believe in redemption. But he believes in actions. And what Toby did, by teaching him to cook, was to teach him that his actions can be good. That he can create, not just destroy. That all is not lost - not 'for' him necessarily, so much as 'in' him. There is a deep empty place inside himself that he can enter so so easily. The difficulty is crawling back out again. Cooking was his rope out of there. He still finds it difficult to express his emotions very often, particularly verbally, but when he makes someone a meal he puts a part of himself into it. And yet doing so doesn't take anything from him, it just adds more.

This is all very vague and figurative and may make no sense, but the takeaway I want to have is that Eliot is opening up to Parker on a very deep level here. He feels like he recognizes what she's talking about, and it was a very bad place for him. (Again, I don't think she is quite that badly off at this point in canon, but I digress.) And while making food allows him to feel that he is demonstrating his love for someone, that he is sharing a part of himself with them, he recognizes that she isn't receiving that. What she's getting, is just a plate of food. Tasty food maybe, but nothing more than that. And so Eliot verbalizes everything to her in a way he rarely does.

And then he keeps trying. This scene obviously doesn't end up making her feel something, and we don't get to see the immediate aftermath of that, but we can glean a little about how they feel based on their reactions. And Eliot is deeply determined to help Parker feel something from his food. He insists that she play the food critic; even speaks directly to her and reminds her to consider what they talked about.

.

In the restaurant, we start out with Parker dutifully playing her role but feeling nothing much beyond just the role. Eliot checks in with Parker, she acknowledges that the food is good but doesn't make her feel anything, and he makes improvements based on her feedback. Then something abruptly changes.

Parker: "I can taste garlic, and mushrooms... and something else that makes me feel different."

Hardison: "Wait, was that for me, cause I-I don't get it."

Parker: "No, it's the food. I get it." [smiles] "I feel something."

+

Parker: "Mmm! These black noodles are amazing!

Eliot: "Parker, it's tagliolini nero con gamberi."

Parker: "Mmm." [eats a huge forkful] "Mmm. Mmmm. These are really good."

Parker

What just happened here? Last we saw from Parker, she'd failed to feel something from the meal Eliot made especially for her in the brewpub, and she was clearly disheartened. She felt it as a failure, very much in the sense of a disappointment. She didn't want to try again, didn't think it would work, and tried to protest when Eliot said she would be the food critic. Even once she got to the restaurant, nothing was happening for her.

The difference wasn't in the flavor of the food. The moment Parker started to feel something was right after she said she felt nothing and Eliot, instead of being disappointed or giving up, took it as a challenge. He changed his recipe, he improved it specifically to better reach out to her. He kept trying.

And yeah, maybe the bone broth helped it taste better. But that wasn't the point, not really. The point is that Parker had gotten herself stuck in a hole, trapped herself in this cycle of not understanding how things make you feel and then believing that she just couldn't. She wanted something of her own and she didn't have it and she didn't immediately get anyone else's thing either, and that was it. She just wasn't capable. She was other. This is an old old fear of Parkers, dating back to Archie or even before. Something in her just isn't capable of being like other people. She wasn't worthy of being in Archie's real family, and she's not able to feel passion for anything outside of stealing. (Setting aside the fact that she loves her team, that all she needed was the right family. That you don't have to be a creator to feel passion, and you don't need to be passionate about any particular thing in order to feel deeply and find beauty in the world.) Parker has empathized deeply with people, has felt so intensely before and is constantly trying to learn more and new ways to be. But because she is noticing her teams' passions now, she has this ideal that she wants to reach, and none of that is good enough for her. She doesn't even know exactly what her ideal involves, but she can't get to it.

But when Eliot doesn't give up, that gets to her. If he views his food as sharing himself with others, Parker finally gets what he's been trying to give all along. It's all about him trying again and again, changing his approach to match her better. That's what she feels, that's what she enjoys.

And once she starts, the floodgates open. She loves the black noodles. She is so happy, she is relieved. There was this huge resistance that she couldn't get past before, but Eliot persisting helped her to break past that and now that she is out of her head about it she can enjoy the food in a way she never has before. Because she feels his love for her in it.

Eliot

Eliot is trying so hard to connect to Parker. It's not really different from what I said in the last Eliot section, and basically the same as what I just said in that Parker section, but I want to emphasize a little more just how much this is about love on his end.

Eliot loves Parker. He loves her, and he wants so much to help her. It doesn't honestly matter that he does this with food, except for the fact that food is what matters so deeply to Eliot himself. He can't reach out to her in the same way through any other medium. And we don't get to see his reaction to Parker's moment of realization. But I think it would be such a deep sense of joy. This is as fulfilling for Eliot as it is for Parker. It's exactly what Eliot has been hoping for this whole episode, to teach someone else to see food in the same way he does. It doesn't matter if it only lasts for a moment or a single meal. That's enough. He has been the support Parker needed through this time of self-doubt. And it is all the more meaningful to him because this isn't just a random student, this is Parker.

He told her he loves her through his food, again and again, and she eventually felt it. She understood. That must mean so much to him.

.

I wanna end with one more brief note on Parker. Does she get her own "thing" this episode? No. No she does not, and this scene shows us that. Parker is not suddenly interested in food or cooking. The importance of that meal was purely derived from Eliot on the other end of it, focused on her and trying his best to reach out to her.

And I don't think this is something only Eliot could have done for her either, not really. The difference between him and the others this episode is mostly in persistence. However, it's also about her mentality. Hardison has built/done things for Parker before and she felt them just as deeply - but the context was different. She wasn't looking for a sense of beauty or art in the world at large then, and so even though she felt the love in the gift just as much, it didn't make her feel like she could find that kind of emotion in other things. She just wasn't looking for it. Also, it was made easier for Eliot to reach out because there's that connection Parker has with him, that understanding that they are on the same level somehow. She doesn't feel that with Hardison - and she loves him all the more for him being different from her, but he also I think can intimidate her with how good and open he is, with how much he can feel in so many different directions. It's part of why she got so worried about herself not being able to do so this episode.

Like, the team has scolded Nate for not having a life or interests of his own outside the job not too terribly long ago! And Parker has had her own joys before! But she isn't seeing that this episode, too caught up in this fear about not having her own 'thing', not feeling anything that way. So while anyone could have helped her through this, it was easiest for her to let Eliot do so + for him to understand what she needed from him. (Hardison in particular was rudely robbed the opportunity, but they all love and support her and could have reached her. Not to detract from Eliot doing so, but also I don't wanna sound like no other method of reaching out would've worked.)

But as soon as she feels something once with Eliot's help, that relaxes those fears. And then Parker is free to look in other places. She remembers Nate's comment about art, and maybe even tells him what she plans based on him knowing where she is at the end of the episode. And then she goes to visit this statue. In her own way which means breaking in, but without any goal of taking it. She just goes to look at the art. And she feels something again.

Parker doesn't gain some big passion at the end of this episode. She doesn't need to. She never did. She just learns how to let herself relax from that restrictive frame of mind. To simply be in the moment and enjoy things for the sake of what they are. To feel - not really in any way she was incapable of before, but intentionally now. It's a quiet victory, in the end. It doesn't mean she's going to get a new hobby or change her lifestyle at all really. But she's let go of a fear and is now intentionally seeking out new connections with the world beyond her once-limited parameters.

[holykillercake]

A Day In The Sun

pairing: MARCO x fem!Reader

word count: 3.3k

summary: You left the Moby Dick to go on a solo mission, from which you would never return. Two years later, when hope seemed to have drained out, a loud rubber boy appears, leading the way back to your family.

highlight: ¨I guess he´s not coming, so... tell Marco I will always love him.¨

warnings: angst, MARINEFORD spoilers 

notes: This was an anon request for a ¨ [as angsty as possible] Marco with a fem!S/O who left the Moby Dick a year or two before and then they ran into each other by accident somewhere¨. I really hope you like it!♡  I feel like I chose an easy path with Marineford, so maybe I´ll try this one more time with a non-canon plot. The angst, tho, the angst! 

𝕷𝖊𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖘, 𝖗𝖊𝖖𝖚𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖘, 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊!

                                                                  ☩

You watched the guard check the chains for the fourth time with an amused grin on your face. He pulled it, hit it, and almost wet his pants with the effort. 

The funnier part was that he did all of that while trying to stay as far from you as possible. 

¨So, am I getting company?¨ no answer, just a glance and a drop of sweat falling down his temple ¨Will you tell me who´s my guy?¨ he ignored you again and left.

A few minutes later, you heard the lame sound of chains echoing throughout the cold walls. You had a minute to process the silent and compliant steps before the rest of the prisoners started to yell wildly. 

You observed the shadow of your new cellmate projected onto the filthy floor. Then his dirty feet when he walked by you, giving yourself the trouble to look up only when he took a seat while the guards locked him. 

You let out a disdained scoff and waited for ¨privacy¨ to talk to him. He, on the other hand, never bothered to look up. 

¨I would offer you something to eat, but as you can see, my hands are tied.¨ you shook the chains, hoping that the distasteful joke would make the man lift his head.

But he showed no reaction to your words. Instead, he remained leaned forward with his head down.

 You snorted heavily.

¨You know, I was kind of hoping to be the only Whitebeard pirate around here.¨

 That was more than enough to make him face you. His narrowed eyes watched you for a moment, trying to recollect your features in his memory. 

¨Oh, come on. Did I really change that much?¨

¨Y/N!¨ he shouted and tried to fight the strains.

¨How are you doing, Flame boy?¨

                                                           ☩

The heart beating inside of your chest felt like it was going to jump out of your mouth at any moment. Although you were sweating, all of the ice around you made you wish you had more clothes.

 How could you be cold and sweating at the same time?

Everyone had their eyes on you. Well, not only you. But the entire troupe that fell from the sky altogether with a marine warship, the weirdest circus freaks brought directly from Impel Down. Your home for the last two years. 

As soon as Luffy stepped on the ice field and started to attack marines in order to reach Ace, the real beginning of the battle began to seethe in Marineford. 

You joined your fugitives comrades and jumped out the ship, but differently than the straw hat boy, you ran to the opposite side. Dodging every marine in your way to get to the Moby Dick. 

Whitebeard looked at you like a proud father and let out his legendary ´Gurarara´ laugh while the Commanders stared at you as if you were a ghost.

Not that you didn´t actually look like one. Even for them, who always considered you to be one of the prettiest women they have ever seen, you looked a little bit mistreated.

Your hair was dirty and messy, your always radiant skin was dry, and the bags under your eyes were deeper and darker. 

If it wasn´t for the look in your eyes, they wouldn´t have recognized you. 

The spark and shine remained stoic. The will to live and to fight remained standing strong, even though the rest of you seemed to be brumbling apart.

Marco stood on Pops' right side, still showing the same anger in his eyes as when you said that you were leaving the Whitebeard Pirates. But you couldn´t focus on that. You were too busy trying not to get killed to care about his attitude.

And more importantly, you were so happy. 

Every night for two years, you prayed for the chance to see them again, to brew saké among your family, and laugh in their companies. It was so close you could feel it in your fingertips. 

¨Daughter, you don´t look healthy.¨ Whitebeard said when you reached the ship.

¨I guess feeding me wasn´t on the top of their list of priorities, Pops.¨ you laughed.

¨And I suppose you met the troublemaker over there.¨

¨We were cellmates, can you believe it?¨ Marco peeped into your conversation, trying to look like he didn´t care ¨He was updating me on the current Whitebeard Pirate´s activities. Said you got yourself some pretty cute nurses.¨ 

You elbowed him slightly in the leg, and the Emperor gave his staccato laugh you missed so much.

¨Daughter,¨ he spoke more serious ¨I know it´s a lot to ask of you right now... but we need to get that boy outta here. You´re in?¨ 

¨Have you forgotten who I am, Pops?¨ He smirked, already knowing your answer ¨ Of course, I´m in.¨

You looked each commander in the eyes, in a silent agreement that when this madness was over, you would answer all their questions. When they looked back at you, nothing had changed. For them, you were still the same Y/N from years ago. 

                                                             ☩

¨I can´t believe Pops wants to keep that brat.¨

¨We should have him thrown off of the ship.¨

¨You should cook him for dinner, Thatch!¨

You couldn´t hold the smile bending on your lips when you heard the Division Commanders talking about the rookie Pops had brought onboard.

The kid had been trying to kill him for a while now. Even Jinbe had to step in and engaged in a 5-day battle with the young pirate. That, for some reason, got Whitebeard´s interest. 

You felt a warm hand embrace yours and turned to see the First Division Commander take his seat on your side. You smiled when he leaned over and gave you a habitual kiss, the kind you share when you wake up in the morning or when you meet up in the halls.

But your heart ached behind your smile. Because, although it was something usual for him, something that he would do thousands of times for the rest of his life, for you, it could be the last.

You were about the destroy everything you two had and break his heart. 

But you were out of options. You knew that, and so did Whitebeard. 

When the first part of the meeting ended, and Pops had explained his motives to want to keep the hot-headed boy, someone questioned him about the second topic they needed to discuss. The one he kept as a secret even from Marco. 

Your heart pounded faster, and your face heated. Whitebeard frowned and gestured something, giving you the word. The weight of the sixteen commanders staring at you made you shrug and hold Marco´s hand tighter. 

¨Y/N?¨ he called you with a tone of concern in his voice. 

You just avoided making eye contact with him. You couldn´t face him.

¨I, uh...¨ you raised your head and stuffed your chest. You had to be cold. ¨I-I am going on a solo mission... and I am not coming back.¨ 

The room went totally silent for a few seconds before they began to bombard you with questions and inquires, to which you could not respond. Marco, on the other hand, remained speechless, waiting for you to tell him that it was a joke.

¨I, uh...¨ someone interrupted you ¨I am leaving tomorro-¨ another Commander cut you ¨... tomorrow morni-¨

The blast of Whitebeard´s cleaving blade hitting the floor made all of you shut. 

¨The decision was made!¨ his thunderous voice cracked the wooden walls ¨And blessed.¨

Marco shot up, his chair met the floor in a loud thud. ¨Pops, you approved this?!¨

¨Son...¨ the First Division Commander scowled and started to walk out of the room. 

You reached him and held his hand to stop him. He turned, staring at you furiously.

¨Marco...¨

¨Why, yoi?!¨ 

You shook your head, not being able to tell him what he wanted to know. Tears began to fill your eyes when he pulled his hand from your grip and left the room. 

A single tear made its way down your cheek and you quickly wiped it. You couldn't turn back on your decision. Even if that made the love of your life hate you. 

¨Y/N...¨ Thatch touched your arm softly ¨Are you in trouble?¨

You attempted to give him your best warm smile.

¨When am I not in trouble, Thatchy?¨

The next day when you were saying goodbye to your family, everyone was there, even the Fire-Fist boy.

 Everyone but the person you needed the most to be there. 

Every Commander hugged you tight, saying that if you ever decided to come back, your chair among them would be waiting. 

You tried to hold your tears in the beginning, but that became an impossible task. 

Pops held you close to his chest and suffered with you, for he knew the sacrifice you were about to make. And even a man like him couldn´t avoid it. 

His voice roared through the four Blues when he declared, loud and clear, that you were his daughter and would be forever a Whitebeard pirate. 

¨I love you guys. I love you, Pops.¨ you looked around, searching for your boyfriend ¨I guess he´s not coming, so... tell Marco I will always love him.¨ 

When you stood alone on the seashore, you waited. You waited until the Moby Dick disappeared on the horizon. You waited for Marco to have a change of heart and fly over to you, saying that he loved you and he would miss you.

But he never did.

                                                             ☩

What happened was that you were a little rusted.

You got tired faster and weren´t as agile as before. So you preferred to keep yourself out of the line of fire, where you would disturb more than help. Your job was to back up the Division Commanders and make sure they would keep a clean path for Ace´s brother. 

You wanted to be thrilled with the adrenaline of a battlefield, but you were scared. Every time Whitebeard stopped and put his hand on his chest, you feared. 

That was the reason why you turned yourself in in the past, the reason why you didn´t ask him to fight for you.

He saved as much energy as possible for this war, but you knew he had started to die the minute he disconnected himself from the life support. 

¨What are you up to, old man?¨ you mumbled to yourself.

Before you could do or think anything else, a sharp scream took your attention. Kizaru hit Marco with laser beams, and you noticed another Marine Officer approaching him with sea stone cuffs. 

You grabbed a gun and ran towards them. Even rusted, you were incredibly fast. With an impulse, you jumped and grabbed Marco by the collar, shooting the marine with Haki-imbued bullets. 

But again, too late.

Perhaps years ago, you would have been able to prevent this from happening, but at that moment, all you could do was get him out of Kizaru's sight, causing his laser to hit you in the thigh. 

You turned in the air, changing your position so that he fell on you when you landed. In that battle, his life was worth more than yours, and it was your duty to offer support to the Commanders - your Commander, especially. His body had already gone through a lot of stress, and the sea stone handcuffs prevented him from using his powers.

You tried to muffle the scream when you hit the floor. 

¨You ok?¨ you asked.

With so much of a glimpse he put himself to his feet, ignoring you and the blood he spilled before running back to the mess. 

From that moment on, the situation got really bad, really quick. You went berserk, killing the marines like a freaking calamity. Your thigh was gushing blood, deep gashes covered your body, and your heart was torn apart. 

Because despite all of your effort and sacrifice, the mission failed.

You didn´t see what had happened, but the person you were supposed to rescue, Ace, the Second Division Commander, was dead on the floor. And his brother was having a breakdown.

Ace had a peaceful smile on his face, and you thought that it would have been nice to get to know him better.  From the days you shared a cell, you understood why Pops wanted to keep him. He was a pretty nice guy, after all. 

                                                            ☩

¨And how did you end up here?¨ Ace asked you.

¨Remember the solo mission thing?¨ he nodded, and you gave him a ´ta-dah face. 

Suddenly, he got pale.

¨This... This is where you´ve been for the past two years? Why?¨

You hummed, pondering over your words.

¨I know things about the World Government that I shouldn´t. And when they found out, I got an ultimatum... I could turn myself in, or they would have thrown a buster call on us.¨

¨Y-You sacrificed yourself? But you know Pops could have handled it, right? We all could have handled it.¨

You smiled at him, deciding not to tell him the ugly truth. 

The World Government knew about your knowledge regarding the Ancient Weapons and the National Treasure of Marie Geoise for a long time, but they waited to get to you. They waited until they had the perfect chance, and Whitebeard´s illness was just it. 

At the beginning of his illness, he didn´t have the proper medication and life support devices, so he was vulnerable. Still stronger than all of you together but too vulnerable to deal with the Admirals and the CP-Zero.

When you took Whitebeard´s hand and accepted to be his daughter, you swore your loyalty to him, you vowed to protect your family even if it cost your life.

¨Yeah, I guess this one is on me.¨

After listening to everything he had told you, you knew Whitebeard would use the public execution to rescue him. He would not let anyone take another child of his. 

That was the reason why you couldn´t tell Ace about your father´s state - not that he didn´t know, but he could be oblivious. And he would be crushed with guilt if anything happened to your old man. 

¨Hum, but tell me, kid. Any chance the phoenix had already forgiven me?¨

You saw your answer in his awkward look. 

¨He didn´t know about this as well, right?¨ Ace opened and closed his mouth a couple of times ¨He thought you had bailed on us when Pops needed you the most and... he still likes you, Y/N. He´s just hurt.¨

¨Yeah... okay...¨ you whispered.

¨If you´re right... and Pops comes to rescue me, I´ll let everyone know you´re here. And we´ll come to rescue you.¨

Your nose burned with the feeling of crying. Even with his powers restrained by the sea stone cuffs, he was so warm. 

¨Well... I could use another day in the sun.¨ and you sobbed. 

                                                             ☩

But there was no sun. 

There was no sun, and your father, together with Ace and thousands of your allies, were gone. 

And the dream of brewing saké with your family, you did reach it, but couldn´t hold it.

When he opened a crater on the ground, separating him from his crew, you stood beside him, begging him to reconsider 

¨Pops, don´t do this...¨ you whined, choking on your own tears ¨I-I just came back...¨

He looked at you in the eyes and wiped your tears.

¨My daughter...  I´m sorry I failed you.¨ You shook your head and held his huge hand ¨I know you´ll take care of the boys. Your room and your seat remain untouched.¨

You couldn´t say anything else before he threw you on the other side. 

Now the Red Hair Pirates were collecting Whitebeard and Ace´s bodies to assist with the funeral. Jozu scooped you in his amrs and carried you back to the ship as you cried. He walked you to your old room and put you in the bed, leaving without a word. 

Inside of your cabin, you raged, not wanting to accept the fate of things. You punched the walls until your knuckles bled, you cried until your throat hurt and wished to go back in time, when you were in your dirty cell, and Whitebeard was still alive. 

When do you think people die?

When they are shot through the heart by the bullet of a pistol?

When they are ravaged by an incurable disease?

No. It’s when… they are forgotten.

When the sun began to fall, you got up from the cold woodboard and reached the door, making your way to the deck. 

The Commanders and the rest of the crew were scattered around, mourning their losses. The family was falling apart, and this time Pops wasn´t there to glue the pieces back together.

I know you´ll take care of the boys.

His words echoed in your head. 

You watched the hundreds of men injured, bleeding through their wounds and passing out unattended. Where was the man in charge? 

A sudden anger consumed you, and you rushed to his room, kicking the door open. 

¨What the fuck do you think you´re doing?!¨ he didn´t answer, nor did he move. 

Marco looked miserable, sitting on the mattress, leaning forward with both hands on his head. 

You had a lot of emotions going on in your head.

You were happy because you got to hear Whitebeard call you daughter one last time, but you didn´t know how to live in a world where he didn´t. 

You were happy to be with your family again, but it killed you to see them crumbled like that. 

¨Not now.¨ he spoke when you approached with calmer steps. His voice was hushed and broken. 

¨Marco, you have to-¨

¨Get out, yoi.¨

¨No. You are the one getting out and help-¨

¨GET THE HELL OUT, Y/N!¨ he roared.

¨NO!¨ you roared back and pulled him by his collar, facing his teary and red eyes. ¨YOU TURNED YOUR BACK TO ME ONCE, BUT I WON´T LET YOU DO THE SAME TO THEM!¨

You let go of him and shed heavy tears.

¨You have thirteen Commanders and hundreds of men out there who need you. So suck it and step in.¨ you said with gritted teeth. 

¨They can handle themselves, yoi.¨ he grumbled.

You scowled

¨Is this how far your loyalty goes?¨ he clenched his fists ¨Pops offered you a seat on his side, and you took it! NOW USE IT!¨

¨SHUT UP! YOU DON´T KNOW THE THINGS WE´VE BEEN THROUGH, Y/N!¨ he marched towards you, stopping a few inches from you and yelling in your face ¨You have no idea the things we´ve lost, the things I have lost!¨

¨I do know!¨ you pushed his chest ¨I have always known, but you didn´t! You didn´t because you´re Marco, the Phoenix! And you´re great! Great rare, mythical Devil Fruit. Great First Division Commander. YOU. ARE. GREAT.¨ you sobbed, helpless ¨But being great didn´t make you confident, it made you spoiled. It made you forget what loss feels like. And now you lost. We lost.¨

He let himself fall on the mattress again, head down, tears dropping on his ragged pants. 

¨So you don´t get to drown yourself in commiseration, Marco. You don´t get to sit here, feeling sorry for yourself.¨ your voice came out weak ¨They need you. I... need you.¨

You watched him for a couple of minutes but seeing that he wouldn´t move, you sighed, ready to leave the room and do his job. 

¨I hated you, yoi.¨ Marco said before you could leave..

¨I know.¨ you whispered and leaned against the door. 

More tears fell. 

Two years in Impel Down were not enough to break you, but that... that was a difficult hit to take. 

¨All these years, I hated you every single day.¨ 

¨I know.¨ 

¨Even when I thought you were dead, I hated you.¨

¨I know.¨

¨And when Pops told me what you did for him... I hated myself.¨ 

The both of you broke down. 

¨I know, Marco.¨

You turned slowly and walked to him, sitting by his side, laying your head on his shoulder. 

His shaky hands held yours, and you weakened, feeling the touch you missed so much.

¨I can´t do this, Y/N.¨

¨Yes, you can.¨ you touched his face gently, so he would look at you ¨We can.¨

You slipped to the floor, holding each other in your arms, hoping that the tears would wash away the pain, the guilt, and regret.