#although if you send me an ask and i don't respond it's totally fine to send me a nudge!

[bettsfic]

betts you 1000000% have been the writer of the Brainrot fic. also, there is nothing more than i love than sending recs!! off the top of my head, there's "dioecy" by eternalbrook (this one has a lil scene at the end that whooped my ass like it's never been whooped), "the Kinslayer & his Dreamer" by helaemond (she also has a darkfic & an OF AU which are all, affectionately, fucking INSANE), "papillion" by ladybundle, "leucoma salicis" by inclination, the entire "crisis of my faith" series by

brokentombstone, catalystcomet has 3 incredible fics for them (my fav is "the gift"), and all of missatomicbomb's fics for the pairing are also brilliant (fav is "hunting season"), along with a bunch of gems i'm probably missing and will frantically send over later. i know that was a lot to bombard with all at once but people have really been popping off! also mmmotionnn, jinniwiin, DIANAII__ on twitter have some stunning art for them (among so many others!) thank you for indulging me betts!

agh sorry for the delay posting this! i like to make sure i have everything in my marked for later list so i don't lose it (historically when people send me recs i sometimes have a hard time finding them again on my blog, so i like to make sure i have everything saved *before* i post) and things have just been busy. but! i have them all marked now and they all look amazing and i can't wait to dig into them! my favorite tag of the bunch is "sinister caretaking."

i can definitely see myself getting into this ship/fandom, maybe not as a writer because i'm so awful at canon fics* and this seems like a hard ship to make into a modern au (but i'm doing it now for rexsoka so who knows anymore) but i'm thrilled to read for it!

*i recently reread my jaime/myrcella got fic and wow for someone who never read the books idk how i managed the canon details there. definitely an anomaly.

thank you for these recs!

[softstraykidshours]

hiii, how r u guys??? can i make a request?

just han jisung freaking out because his s/o has vasovagal syncope and passed out backstage at skz concert because of the heat (yeah i go through that, summer is hell) and when she wakes up (1 minute later) he sticks to her almost crying because he really thought she died

idk why but i think he would be like this lol

aghhh this is such a cute idea bestie!!! i got so soft thinking about how worried jisung would get about you, he's just such a sweetie 🥺 🥺🥺

thanks for the request and i really hope you like it!!

<3 abbie and courtney

"where is she? where is she??" you hear jisung's panicked voice drift down the corridor and you push yourself up a little further on the couch, blinking heavily to try to clear some of the lingering dizziness.

he comes flying through the door and rushes to your side, dropping to his knees next to the couch. "oh my god baby are you okay?" he grabs your hand in his as his eyes quickly scan you, assessing to make sure everything looks alright.

"yes, i'm fine, don't worry about me."

"don't worry about you?" he practically screeches the words, his voice shaking as tears clog his throat. "they told me you passed out! i thought you were dying or something!"

you chuckle lightly at his extreme response, although your'e touched by his overwhelming concern.

"it's okay, really. it was my vasovagal syncope. it happens from time to time and it's always worse when i get overheated. it's honestly my own fault. i was trying to watch you guys from backstage, but between all the people and the lights it was all too much. i should have came back here to sit down, but i really wanted to see the end of the set. and then i got way to hot and just... yah. i was only out for like a second. i really am fine now though, i just need a few minutes to cool down and let everything get back to normal."

uou can tell from the wary look in his eyes that he doesn't totally believe you. "baby, you just casually passing out every once in a while is most definitely not okay."

someone pokes their head into the room, interrupting before you can respond and reassure jisung. "han, sorry, but you're on in 5."

"tell them they will have to go on without me," he brushes them off and turns back to you.

"no, jisung you need to go, you're gonna miss your next set." you insist. there's no way you're going to let him not perform.

"oh come on, you know i don't care about that as much as you. i'm not leaving your side."

"babe, i'm fine, really. i promise. i just got overheated and i haven't been drinking enough water today."

"exactly! that's why i should stay here with you and make sure you're okay!"

his thoughtfulness and concern makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, but there's no way you're backing down. you know you'll never forgive yourself if he misses out on the rest of the concert because of you.

"how about this, if i promise to stay here and not move from this exact spot for the rest of the concert and just drink water and let the fan cool me down will you go back out on stage?"

you can see the conflict in his face. he really doesn't want to leave you, but the other members are counting on him and he doesn't want to let them or the fans down. you grab both sides of his face, gently squishing his cheeks. "how about if i swear that if i feel like that again i will send one of the stage hands out to drag you off that stage no matter what you're doing and bring you right back here to me."

he chuckles lightly at the thought of being pulled off stage in the middle of a song by a random stage hand. "promise?" he asks, eyes a little brighter and the worry lines on his forehead disappearing as he holds up his pinky between the two of you.

"promise," you nod seriously, a stoic expression on your face while locking your pinky with his. you last only a moment before both of you burst out in laughter.

leaning forward to give him a quick kiss to the cheek, you playfully shove his shoulder. "now get back out there"

[skzhua]

Rules and Guidelines

(After making a post out of frustration about the taglist, here are the rules and guidelines of this blog.)

Note that I will, from now on, be more strict on here because I realize that I can't enjoy writing if I'm not in an environment I feel comfortable in.

~ taglist ~

If your username does not work for tagging, it is totally not my problem. I try my best to make sure everyone gets a notification but if it doesn't work, it's either Tumblr being weird or your account that has a disabled being tagged.

This one, I've already covered it in a post. Fill out the form in my bio if you want to be tagged in my work. I check the document multiple times a day and I add every single person on each taglist they ask to be in. I have too many notifications coming in and they are scattered on so many posts that I will most likely not see your taglist requests in my comments.

If you want to be removed from one or all lists, send me a message and I'll do it!

~ reblogs ~

Please, reblog as much as possible. I'm not speaking only for myself but for all writers on here. Tumblr works with the amount of reblogs for visibility and not with likes. It takes two seconds to do, you don't even have to write your feedback with it. I spend hours and hours writing for you for free and all I'm asking is either some feedback, or a reblog. Not all of my work is good, I am aware. If you don't like it it's fine but if you do, reblogs is the best way to show your support. (I do reblog what I read on here but on another account so this one isn't so packed)

~ NSFW ~

I have not started to write NSFW yet, but I will probably. I am 20 years old and can legally write those types of works. I will put obvious warnings on my works if they have explicit content. I will trust and expect you to not read my NSFW stories if you are a minor. This is common sense and I hope that you are responsible enough to know that this is not okay nor legal to read 18+ content on here.

~ plagiarism ~

Again, common sense. Although my work is accessible for free, it does not give you the right to take it and claim it as your own. I will report and block if I see any posts that have my work in it. Translations and reposts are also forbidden without my consent. I have seen people getting their work stolen, I have almost experienced it and it's the worst thing that can happen to a writer. So, please, do not plagiarize my work.

~ posting pace ~

Again, I write for you on my own personal time and do it for free. I will, for sure, not post when I don't feel like it or if I have not finisned a work yet. Please, understand that I have a life outside of here and that I will post at my own pace. There are times when I am more productive and others that I am not so it is inevitable that there are gaps between every work released.

~ be kind ~

I'm so grateful to have met such nice people here and I hope this continues on. You might not like what I do and it's totally fine. But please, it does not give you the right to trash on it. Skip or ignore it, then. I want to feel safe here and share love with every person I interact with. Commenting about the actual stories, like not liking a character that I purposely made annoying, is fine though.

I am aware I am not good with interacting on social media so I apologize if I do not respond to your comments or such. I'm extremely introverted so it's just hard for me, but I try my best.

Copyright © skzhua. All rights reserved.

[ildi-dragonheart]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @frankenjoly omg thanks i just got home from school i need this

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

I have 57 rn and i still can't believe i have that many fics,, it used to be more than that but i had deleted some of my older fics for an old fandom i was once in

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

127,635 words (and counting hopefully once i get out of this slump)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now i mainly write for BSD. I used to write for the fantastic beasts and where to find them fandom from 2018 to the first half of 2020 but i stopped cuz i left (you can still find my fics for that fandom in my ao3 and wattpad profiles)

4. Top five fics by kudos

Bored (BSD) - a little domestic fluff fic feat. Ranpo being perpetually bored while Akiko is busy working

A Night at the Scamander Household (Fantastic Beasts) - wherein the Newt and Tina are awoken in the middle of the night by their youngest son who's unable to sleep

Tattoos and Soulmates (Fantastic Beasts) - newtina soulmate au where you have matching tattoos with your soulmate

Lay All Your Love on Me (or not) (Fantastic Beasts) - watch as Achilles Tolliver tries to get Tina Goldstein's attention and fails (spoiler: she's already taken)

Books, Rain, and You (Fantastic Beasts) - in an effort to get out of the heavy rain, Tina finds herself in a cozy library with an adorable librarian. they bond over books and then some

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, but not always. I like interacting with those who read my fics and seeings their comments just motivates me to write more

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i mostly write fluff but i have tried my hand at writing angst although i'm not sure if those fics count as that cuz i feel like i don't have the skill to properly convey the angsty feelings for it to be considered angst

but if i had to choose out of all the attempts i made at angst, i'd say If "Happy Ever After" Did Exist, I Would Still Be Holding You Like This and Con Flores (Te Llevaste Mi Tristeza Con Colores)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

again, i write fluff so basically all of them have happy endings or are just generally happy overall. i can't really pick one of them dasjkgkas

8. Do you get hate on fic?

i hope not... that's literally one of my writing anxieties, especially when i write a fic involving an oc i have for a fandom (like Edogawa Hotaru, for example)

9. Do you write smut?

i think i tried writing once although it wasn't a fanfic. i cringed hard and never tried writing smut for a fic again. but if you guys saw my character ai chats involving my ships-

10. Do you write crossovers?

no

11. Have you ever stolen a fic?

i hope not. i always try to make sure all my works are original, but if i do take inspo from another fic i always make sure to ask

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! i think i had two or three fics translated some time ago by other people online (with my permission ofc) and that honestly makes me feel so proud??

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no and i feel too shy to do so😭

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

ranposano, obviously (and a genshin rarepair i have that i am a little too afraid to say cuz genshin fandom)

15. What's a WIP you want to finush but probably won't?

so. many. WIPS. please. send me motivation.

16. What are your writing strengths?

never-ending inspiration i guess. i once got a "this is the fic i/we never knew i/we needed" comment on a ranposano fic that i wrote because i had my period and that just made me realize that wow i pull my ideas from literally everywhere

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

procrastination, my inconsistent english grammar, and constantly setting standards that are a little too high whenever i write something

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

i'm fine with it ig? englsih is my second language and i don't usually write full dialogues in another language. i usually only include words in another language but never full dialogues

19. First fandom you wrote for?

believe it or not, i used to write fanfics for the rise of the brave tangled frozen dragons fandom, mainly jelsa (but i never published any of them my 10 year old self was too scared)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

omg Lost and Found my beloved ranposano fic daksgdkas that fic is what i like to consider as the peak of my skills as fic writer, like i will never be able to write something like that ever again

(A Package and Glass Marble come close tho)

[kpophubb]

Heyy~ it's me! Your Hee Anonie !

Also yes Hapoy Belated Hee Day! This angst is my gift ?? Idk 🫠

P-2 !

You were going to break up with him. Yes. It was going to hurt like fuck but it's for the better. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Tight schedules are one thing but this is too much. It's getting to his head.

How dare he yell at you as if you are the one in wrong. Honestly a part of you really felt bad and cried the entire night over the fact he was throwing away your food. But it's not about the food now. It's about him lying to you. To the members about you. And knocking off your sincerity just like that.

You have called him about 7 times now. It's been 3 hours since the last call. Honestly you have given up now. It's been a terrible day. The work was long, it started raining and obviously you didn't have an umbrella, you come back home to no replies from your beloved boyfriend. That night you wake up with a fever.

You text Hee. Asking if he could come over. He replies with "I'm busy". Oh, so he isn't gonna talk about the previous 15 messages and 7 missed calls ?? Fine then. Fever or not. You weren't gonna ask help from someone who isn't interested. Thankfully you atleast had good friends who respond and help you in the time of need.

It's been two days since then. You haven't texted him. He hasn't obviously sent anything your way. You didn't want to do this. Looks like you weren't getting much choice.

You were gonna break things off over a text message. A new low for you but he was the one not cooperating. Should've gotten hints with "I have something important to talk" "I want to talk about us" etc.

You sent him the message. He reads it and calls you. So now he is interested in communication? Oh wow. scoffing you pick up the call. He doesn't even give you a chance and goes on

"Babe please don't do this-"

You don't need or want to hear his bullshit so you tell him to keep it to himself, how he threw away your sincerity and how unwell you were 2 days ago. Coughing, throwing up and going out in fever to buy your meds. Thankfully your friends were there to help you through it. Honestly you were just gonna cut the call. Already having a headache from a 3 minute conversation. It's what he says next that actually makes you stop.

"I have been sick for a week now. I have been under a lot of pressure. I didn't want to put pressure on you, that's why I have been distant. I really love you y/n"

It sounds so stupid but somehow you feel super bad now. He was sick too. He didn't have you either when he was unwell. This doesn't fix any of his behaviour. But just hearing him. His sweet voice. Communicating. Telling you how he has been makes you rethink everything.

He says he can't come over now because he is still sick and doctors have advised him bed rest. That night, you and him talk peacefully (for the first time in months for 30 mins)

Although you felt very guilty you also felt that maybe you two could fix this after all ......

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Ok SO I KNOW NOT THE DIRECTION WE ALL WERE HOPING FOR BUT WAIT FOR IT OK OK ???

ALSO ILYSM AND ily talking to you!!! Also I am soo happy you like my soft/angst hours or just communicating with me !!! (Hee take notes) I love sending you asks and just can't help myself when they get tooooo long !!

Also yes Gyu the pretty boy with the best humour, sensitivity, and visuals. He is gonna make y/n happy....or is he 🤨🤨 dkdjdjWAIT FOR IT 🤌

Ik this is vv long but still one last thing-

Pls your tmi are so imp and cute and msndkd that I have to address them ALL in full detail in another message itself. So firstly I really hope you enjoy your vacation because I know for a fact that Med School is not at all easy and you totally need a huge long vacation to enjoy yourself because you are not going to be able to get a breather or as much time as one would like to chill when it all starts. And I want our asks to be something you look fondly back at when you are busy in med school soo I am gonna try and send the best asks hehehe !!!

Also gyu the pretty savior!! We stan 🙌

Hello and welcome back again my lady 🥺🫶🏻 you know when I saw this ask it was 1:30 am last night and I remember the last thing I saw before dozing off was your ask, I locked my screen like that and fell asleep the next second. And then right when I woke up today morning, I came to check this ask again so I went to sleep and woke up with your ask. How lovable!🥹🤍

Wow omg where is the story going!😭 this is so unpredictable (which just makes it sm more interesting) poor y/n.. she’s going through so much. HEE IS BEING SO MANIPULATIVE OMG he treats her like trash and now that..she wants to set herself free and move on he’s being so convincing and toxic to tie her down? Istg if I were in y/n’s place I’d also melt and be convinced If he used the sickness card on me and started being nice again…but I want to tell y/n to REMEMBER ALL THE OTHER TIMES he treated her like trash and OUTRIGHT DISRESPECTED HER? Huh? That’s when he WASN’T sick which obviously shows he doesn’t care about her. And PLEASE, I need gyu good role 🫶🏻☹️ I’m so rooting for gyu x y/n moments because I’m on gyu’s team !!💖😤 y/n deserves a guy who can treat her right and fix all her broken with love and support. I’m so eager to see where the story is headed, this is SO interesting to me ngl! What a brain you’ve got- just WOW! *~*

-now coming to you again <3

• omg aww I never thought you’d actually find my useless tmis cute >.< I just like talking to you sm I always feel like I should add sth in my ask to keep the conversation going!

• DID YOU JUST SEE WHAT RELEASED enhypen manifesto tour in ASIA?😭 they’re going to Bangkok NOW IM HOPEFUL SOMEDAY THEY WILL COME TO MALAYSIA TOO. (That is where I’ll be moving for uni so I just hope they come at the right time when I’ll be able to see them. I will cry my eyes out if I ever miss that opportunity)

• I really wanna see my enhypen irl and most of all there’s sth I want to give Jake although I’m not really sure if I can ever give it to him..but.. there’s a scrapbook I’ve been making for Jake.It’s a life goal at this point to give it to him cause I just want him to know how much I love him and he means to me. That’s more than enough for me. :’) <3

• I do not intend to come off as nagging, but did you read the fic I suggested? 😭 I’m just so curious to hear YOUR OPINION cause it’s angsty too bdhdhsie ik you’re so BUSY SO check it only if you’re free!

• also I know I might not be able to be as active when my life continues again, that is why I’m writing and posting as much as I can now. This blog is like a museum for me- a museum filled with my precious feelings of fangirling and happiness that was gifted to me by enhypen. I want it to be a place where I can look back and reminisce about my magical time and capture my memories as memories are the most precious thing I believe!

• but ofc I wouldn’t want to stop talking to you I know SO I WILL check and hope that we get to exchange one ask atleast once a week. 🥺 I hope we just become closer and closer and have more fun times together 💓

•take care and love you so much more 💛

[ Here is heesun cute heart for you to give you a mood boost! <3 *kissy* 💋 ]

[robotniik]

#ROBOTNIK - selective and mutuals only blog for DOCTOR EGGMAN from the SONIC FRANCHISE (with both movie and game verses available).

affiliated w/ @knchidna & @devilcharge

this    blog    will    contain    mature    content    (    violence,    gore,  etc.    )    so    please    only    interact    if    you    are    over    the    age    of    21 .

MOBILE RULES DOWN BELOW .

BASIC.

Hi! Thank you so much for checking out my blog. First things first I'd like to say that followbacks take me some time as I like to check out your blog and thoroughly read your rules / muse pages. If I do not follow you back after a week's time then I am not currently interested. It is nothing at all against you. I just try to keep a small following count to keep my dash clean and my sanity intact.

Personals you may follow / send in asks and like my stuff but PLEASE do not reblog my threads! I also wish to add that I absolutely ADORE OCs with a passion c: I am duplicate friendly as well and do not care if you reblog stuff from me. Just try to send stuff in on occasion so I don't outwardly feel like a meme source. Minors absolutely do not follow me. I'll block you. 

DRAMA / TRIGGERING CONTENT.

Please do not involve me in drama. It makes me uncomfortable and also most things can be resolved in private between those involved. I do not follow callout culture either, unless the person in question is an actual threat to anyone's online presence. If I personally mess up, I ask that you come to me privately so we may discuss things. Know I will never be upset!

Onto more important things if you're a bigot of any kind, against the LGBTQIA+ community, or any of that unsavory stuff you are not welcome here.I am not here to police what you write and I ask the same courtesy be applied to me. The block button exists for a reason after all. Though some topics I refuse to write are: Rape, Incest, Underage, and Beastiality.

Anon is off because I just don't care enough to have it on. Thank you. For Triggers I personally have none, and tag things as 'trigger /'. Please lmk if you need anything tagged! 

SHIPPING / NSFW.

Shipping is fun, but it isn't what I'm explicitly here for. Neither is NSFW. I am more than happy to have other relationships written between our muses that are not of a romantic nature. If shipping does happen it's usually with chemistry and ooc discussion. I am not here to be another ship in your roster. NSFW may be written on here but it will be beneath a strict 'readmore', although it is rare I'll actually write it as it's reserved for people I feel comfortable writing it with. Little NSFW / Sinday asks are fine!

 WRITING / FORMATTING.

I write. A lot. I tend to overdescribe and so my replies can get quite lengthy. That being said I do not ever expect you to match my length! Just give me something to work with and we'll be fine. I am fine with multiple threads as well, and also do not mind if you turn asks into threads. As for formatting I tend to use small text and a mix of bold and italics. Icons are used on occasion depending on the character, but I am totally fine with iconless roleplay as well! 

ACTIVITY.

I am mobile bound a good 90% of the time for numerous reasons, so it may take me a while to get to threads. On top of that my mental health takes top priority, and some days I barely have energy to get out of bed. Please bear with me, and know that if I take a while to respond it is not out of disinterest or dislike. I just have a lot going on irl as well that Tumblr is sort of a backburner for me currently. I am usually busy on the weekends, so the best place to reach me to chat / plot is Discord! I just ask that we are mutuals and you lmk who you are! 

MUN.

Hi! My name's Iggy (or Topaz) and I've been writing for a very, very long time. You may recognize me from my old eggman blog of the same url, so hello again! I like hiking and nature photography, as well as rock and bone collecting. I love to talk ooc as well, since it really does help getting to know the people I write with. Speaking of ooc, I tend to post a bit of it but it is appropriately tagged and deleted after a few hours so as to not clog the dash. Please know also that if you ever need anything at all that I am here for you, and my IMs / asks are open to all! <3

CREDITS.

header : @/knchidna

[thisshadeofred]

Rules

You want to come hang out on the mutli muse? Awesome! Let's go over a few housekeeping things.

1. I work a full time job with rotating hours and am still finishing my masters degree, so please be patient with me and I’ll extend the same to you.

2. I do not roleplay explicit smut. Although mun is of age it’s just not something I’m comfortable with. PG-13 as well as innuendo are all fine in my book

3. I have been having a lot of ups and downs with writing romance lately. Sometimes I'm totally fine with it and other times I cannot touch it with a ten foot pole for weeks. I'm happy to explore shipping with you and your character! If we decide there's chemistry, please just be aware about this. I may not always be down to touch shipping threads and may revert to more platonic things for periods of time.

4. Only some characters are shippable! The list of shippable muses is currently: Mac, Specs. Do not attempt to ship with anyone not on the list.

5. On that note, mun is in 26, and I will not RP with minors. It is not something I’m comfortable with. 

6. Don’t god-mod. This is pretty standard for RP, but I like to include it anyway. The only “exception” to this rule is if it is a two person RP and a third character comes up. Both players are allowed to play that third character (ie: We have a thread with Mac and Jack and Davey appears. Both of us are allowed to play Davey).

7. My preferred style is one to two paragraphs as of late, but I am willing to do more or less depending on the player and the thread. I do also prefer the style of small text, but will use normal size text if requested. If you use icons, I will do my best to use them, but I do not use them for my own threads.

8. if it’s tagged open, anyone is allowed to send it in, even if we have never interacted before. This is my favorite ways to meet new players and characters.

9. However, I am semi-selective meaning that while you send it in, I am allowed to choose who or what I respond to. I don't do exclusives- doubles are absolutely welcome, but I do inadvertently do mains typically with friends. Please respect my choices. It’s never you, but more likely that our styles don’t click. 

10.  If you are not a part of the thread, please do not reblog it. Likes are okay, but reblogging really throws me off.

11. We both have the right to end a thread whenever we choose. I tend to signal this by liking the post. But if you would like to continue a thread, shoot me a message and most likely I’ll be willing to keep it going.

12. If you need something tagged please tell me! I try to be sensitive to triggers, but I sometimes forget. I also ask that you tag any material related to suicide, self-injury, and eating disorders. I also will not be doing any RPs that have a main focus on these topics without out of character discussion first.

13. I use the new beta editor and trim posts using XKit. If you use legacy editor, I will not try to trim because that makes both of our lives harder.

14. Have fun! That’s what role-play is all about!

The crew and I will see you soon!

With love, Al

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖

[forever-rogue]

Gotta another idea for you (I think? Don't know if I already submitted this)

Anyway.

"Take it off . . . Or I will."

Maybe the oc/reader is wearing something sarcastically or mocking - a hat, t-shirt, or what have you. And oc/reader would respond with "Make me" and it ended up a wrestling match of a sort then make out session?

Ohhh, I enjoyed this and I hope you all do too ;)

The Mandalorian Masterlist

»»————-　♡　————-««

He was supposed to be back within 3 days. 3 days.

It was going on 5. 5 kriffing days without your Mandalorian Tin Can.

Not you were worried. Sort of. Maybe. A little bit.

More so than anything else you were bored. Bored and stuck on the ship in the middle of nowhere. You couldn't even leave and go and anywhere. Luckily you had the small green bean with you but still.

You missed the grumpy, disgruntled Mandalorian. The kid was great and all but he even he was missing Din.

Part of you was wondering if he was doing on it on purpose, just to get a rise out of you. He'd done it before...just not, you know, for days.

Maker.

As much as you trusted him and knew be could handle himself, there was a tiny part of you that was worried. You hated the effect he had on you sometimes.

Normally you accompanied him on business, as his right hand...person. Friend? Partner? Lover? You'd never really put a label on your relationship, and sometimes it left you wondering. The line between just being work partners had become thinner and thinner over time and what had started off as a one time deal ended becoming a...very often type of deal.

You'd promised you wouldn't catch feelings. But that had happened a long time before your first night spent tangled up together. Not just for you, but for your Mandalorian too. The Mandalorian. Not yours. Just the.

But...kriff. Here you were. Missing him and worried about him. You'd get him back for that later. Now all you could do was wait for him to get back. You could go out and look for him, you supposed, but then you'd have to take the baby and you weren't about to subject him to anything dangerous if you didn't need to. And you had no clue what awaited you in the lawless land.

Instead you waited around. And waited. And waited. And cleaned the ship from top to bottom. Made some of the small repairs you spied. Made sure the weapons were pristine and properly stored away. You were tired - listless. But sleep wasn't going to come to you. It hadn't come in more than a few hours here and there since Din had left.

Instead you focused on your green bean, making sure he was bathed and had a full belly before trying to singing him softly to sleep. It took a while, but not long enough. Not long enough for Din to make a grand reappearance.

Once he was tucked safely into his pram for the night you found yourself wandering aimlessly. You sneaked into Din's quarters. Sneaked was a strong word; it wasn't like you weren't in there on a semi regular basis. But without him...it felt odd. Wrong even.

But you missed him, ached for him both mentally and physically. His presence was often the only thing that kept you feeling safe and sane.

Opening the door to the small space he called a wardrobe, small sigh escaped your lips at the familiar smell. No matter how often his clothes were washed, his scent always clung to them. It was comforting, reassuring in the times he was gone. Touching over some of the worn fabrics, you wondered what would happen if you happened to take a shirt and wear. It would only be for a little while...and you'd put it back before he came home. He wouldn't even notice.

So you pulled one of long sleeves out and quickly discarded your own shirt, opting to wear the Mandalorian's. Immediately you felt a sense of warmth and comfort wash over you. Maybe he wasn't there physically, but this was pretty close. It would do for now.

Eventually, despite the late hour, you were still wired. Maybe you shouldn't have had all that caf earlier, but it was too late to regret those decisions.

Instead you turned the holo-radio, playing some music softly as you danced around the hull of the Crest. It was a vain attempt to wear yourself out, and you were in nothing but Din's shirt and your underwear, totally engrossed in the music.

So engrossed that you didn't hear the ramp open or the purposely heavy footsteps of one Din Djarin.

Din chucked his gear onto one of the nearby crates, before deciding to wait and see how long it took for you to notice his presence.

While you didn't hear him, you could practically feel the gaze of his helmet burning holes into your back. When you finally turned to face him, his arms were crossed over his broad chest, his head tilted to the side. Kriff.

"D-Din! You're back," you almost stumbled over your own feet at you stared back at him. Your heart was fluttering as you tried to determine whether he was happy, angry, or...something. Your smile was flattering as you followed his gaze and realized he was staring at your chest, "oh! I didn't...think you were...coming back tonight."

"I said 3 days," his voice was rough and gritty, as tantalizing as it was when he was growling in your ear under the cover of dark while he was inside you. That alone was enough to send a shiver down your spine.

"Its been 5," your resolve was already weakening as he took a step closer.

"Exactly," his intense gaze was already starting to make you weak in the knees, "you should have been expecting me anytime."

"I-I-I..." you backed up but soon hit the wall and found yourself trapped, "didn't..."

"Is that my shirt?" he tugged at the collar with his gloved hand as you swallowed thickly. The room was filled with nothing but pure tension, sexual tension, as you stared at him wordlessly. When you remained silent, he roughly, although not hard enough to do any lasting damage, grabbed your chin and turned your face up to meet his, "I asked you a question, sweet one. Is. That. My. Shirt?"

"Mhmm," you mumbled as you looked at with the widest and most innocent eyes possible.

"Take it off," he said sternly. If you didn't know him, didn't know about your relationship with him, you might have been scared. But you weren't. You knew right where this was going. You gave him a defiant little look before catching him off guard and ducking out from under his arm.

"No," you insisted, sticking out your tongue at him, just to rile him up a little bit, "what are you doing to, Big Bad Mandalorian?"

"Take it off," his voice was low and dangerous as he came back to you, "or I will."

"That doesn't sound much like a threat," you raised your arms up, letting the fabric ride up and expose some of your soft bare skin, "come and take it off then."

"You are such a brat sometimes," he sighed before slowly stripping off some of his armor.

"And what about it?" you teased as he came over and you started to dart out of his grasp. But it didn't take much for his long legs to catch up as he wrapped an arm around your waist, and quickly flipped off the lights, leaving the Crest in darkness.

"Such an easy catch," he snorted as you tried to squirm out of his grasp laughing as you wrestled him to floor. Of course, if he'd been trying at all, he'd never let you get the one up on him. But he easily acquiesced and let you pin him to the ground as you straddled his waist. His large hands made quick work of pulling off your, his, shirt and throwing it onto the floor.

"Maybe I wanted to be caught," you grinned at him, despite the darkness as his hands found purchase on your waist, "I was worried."

"About me?"

"Who else, Tin Can?" you as you leaned down, hands going to the sides of his helmet. When he didn't stop you, you slowly pulled it off and set it to the side, "you were gone for too long."

"Getting all soft on me?" his rich, warm voice was like music to your ears as you leaned down and kissed him, finding his lips warm and soft, "I was fine."

"I am not soft," you instead as you kissed every part of his face before going back to his lips. A hand went to the back of your neck as he held you tightly against him, his own kisses becoming more and more heated. You paused for a moment, running a hand through his mussed curls, "just don't be gone that long next time. Or tell me if you'll be longer, or send a message or something."

"Fine," he promised as he pulled off his gloves and stroked your cheek. You keened into his touch before going back to kissing him again, "softie."

"Shut up," you insisted weakly as you held onto him as tightly as possible, already feeling relieved that he was back and safe in your arms, "I know you missed me too."

"How so?"

"You always do," you insisted, "I can tell- the way you kiss me. Its different and I can feel it."

"And what about it?" he repeated lightly as you groaned your hips against his, "tell me what you need, sweet one."

"You, Din. I need you."

"And then you shall have it."

[salt-volk]

I feel like this blog has been better about monitoring what goes through about P*ppy since the situation spiraled out of control on the last blog/since someone started threatening her, which is obviously a good thing. But I wish other users got that same consideration. Examples: the *cho drama being way too dragged out even after they said they would reword the prompt, the way people talk about F*relle on here - if something is too harsh for one user, it should be uniformly too harsh for all

To follow up: a good example of the F*relle thing is that ask about transparency that includes an unnecessary dig at them ("not that i like f*relle or anything (LOL)"). Totally irrelevant to the point op was making, just included to be nasty about a user with no context as to what behavior bothered op. I think it's fine to namedrop here if it's in relation to a larger point and doesn't incite harassment or personal attacks, but overly personal insults or digs just feel so last blog. (2/2)

[My long response below]

[The only things I've removed about p0ppy was the doxing ask, and 2 which were just saying she was crying victim and something else that was similar. I've been treating all these users the same with what confessions go through. No one really sends hate about p0ppy at all, unless it's something that is just pure harassment for no reason(the only 3 stated above), which is why I think it looks like i'm giving her special treatment.

 The Ech0 confessions were all posted close to 24 hours of eachother (If I remember correctly), and the f0rrelle custom asks were all discussing something mostly respectfully even though I disagreed with most of the asks being sent. I agree that the most recent post that you highlighted had a pretty unnecessary comment added on, but I wouldn’t say it was a dig at them. It’s the same way as saying “I do not like this person, but I agree with what they’re saying) although it was worded pretty badly. It was not an insult towards them, and I believe I've posted similar messages through before about other people. I post them because "I don't like x" is not a harassing thing to say at all. Although I dislike the phrase, it does in no way attack or demeaning phrase against the person. While the asks about other users that call them annoying or stupid, are.

 I stand by my decisions through posting all of those asks and I really don't feel like I give anyone special treatment. When a negative ask is sent, I manually re-send it censored (if it isn't already) and positive or neutral ones stay uncensored. If the ask isn't just going after someone for seemingly no reason, I post it. This ask in particular was already sent censored, so even if it had a negative comment attached I chose to post it. The only negative asks I've chosen to delete about anyone were those that were quite literally harassment. Making fun of how people type, hoping some leave dv, trying to out a few people responding to blog, and the few I made posts addressing with a post without responding to them. I really believe stating that you dislike someone (without your whole post being about that) is not harassment nor is it a personal attack.

  If you have any questions about it, or would like to discuss it with me, my chatbox is open. Again, I will keep all them anonymous and they will not be posted anywhere.

I'm sorry if the explanation does not make sense but I did my best to explain my thought process. Please note that I do have trouble picking up tone so if this post seemed aggressive, I did not intend it to be. And if I missed something on the post anon was referring to, just let me know please.]

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Anon Asks ! (+one NSFW one below)

1. Awe, you're not selfish. I completely understand why you feel left out. Unfortunately, people already read my SFW stuff at such a lower rate that I'm afraid a SFW Series would totally bomb. Unless I was extremely motivated, I don't see myself being able to do it.

Do me a favor and send me another Anon about SFW Series recommendations. I just asked my Discord, but I want to give them some time to respond!

2. You are so wonderful. Thank you for sending me such a lovely message not once, but twice. I appreciate you taking your time to read my work and then go even further and tell me about it.

I hope you have the best day ever 😭

3. They've been friends since they were teenagers! Las Vegas is a surprisingly small place, all things considered. They promised him back then they would let him direct a music video if they ever made it big. It's very cute.

4. Who, me? Naaah, I'm just a worm 😉 (does anyone recognize this reference? or do I just look silly?)

5. I'm assuming this is about Quid Pro Quo (although it could also be about Fuzzy Pants, lol), and I'm so happy you think so! I was worried it'd be a bit too niche, but it's great to see people enjoying it 🤗

6. I don't think I'll be able to swing a whole series of that, but I do have a couple Virgin Post-Prison Spencer WIPs. I also plan on writing a Virgin Spencer mini-series after TB&TB (called Centerfold), but it takes place when he's in graduate school/ten years later.

7. Ah, you are so sweet. And yes, I have been writing quite a lot of that lanky fucker, huh... The truth is, my answer is very simple and can be summed up in a very funny way. How do I keep writing him?

✨ a u t i s m ✨

I can honestly say I have never, ever bored myself out of anything. Other things just became more interesting for a little while. Matthew was one of my first ever special interests as a young teen. I cycle through mine for periods of a couple years at a time (I popped in here hot off my Naruto re-emergence).

Whereas a lot of people go through interests in much shorter bursts (especially those with ADHD), autistic people have a tendency to fixate for much, much longer periods. There is nothing wrong with you, we are just different ☺️

I use the "Other" MGG characters to grant myself the freedom to do other things. I honestly really wanted this to be a multi-fandom blog, but I was immediately inundated with Spencer requests that never stopped.

Maybe one day I'll introduce another obsession, but I don't see it in my immediate future. I usually have a pretty good warning that I'm slipping out of the fandom. Right now I'm mostly just sad people are leaving. I'm still going strong though, lmao!

8. I'm a firm believer in the idea that Laziness Does Not Exist, but I totally understand. You're actually describing something experienced by ALL writers, although having ADHD will no doubt exacerbate the problems. I do not have ADHD, but the good news is that ADHD has a large number of treatment options (both pharmaceutical and otherwise).

I think you can talk to a trusted adult about it if you'd like. I know very little about the diagnostic process of ADHD, but I do know that it's significantly more straightforward than most autistic testing. A number of my friends got a diagnosis in less than a month (granted, they are all adults, and their parents were willing to cooperate).

A diagnosis won't make your parents (or anyone else) believe you, though. It's just one of those things you have to learn to deal with. But with the case of ADHD specifically, because there are pharmaceutical treatments, it might be worth it. I personally absolutely abhor stimulants (and am also medically contraindicated). But I'm autistic, so they don't help me, lol!

As for being more motivated generally, I think a lot of it is literally just forcing yourself to do it. You have to get over this idea of writing it perfect and just start writing SOMETHING, even if it's garbage. You can always edit it.

Fanfiction is so much easier with this because it doesn't have to be perfect, or even good (lol). It's just for fun! It's not an easy thing to do, but it is so rewarding. I know a lot of people in my Discord like utilizing our Writer Bot to have writing "sprints" where you are timed and see how many words you can write in short bursts.

Not how I function, but it works for some people! We are all different, and that's what makes us wonderful 🥰

9. Awwwe, I have so many Hozier songs on their playlist! I listen to him whenever I need general inspiration. Like most basic white bitches, I do love me some Hozier. Also, I am honored.

NSFW WARNING, MINORS DNI

Hahah, good news is I have a number of fics about that premise! H2M, Different Kind of Daddy, Big Bad Wolf, Protege, sections of the NSFW Alphabet, Thimble of Honey, aaand... Spoiled. I think that's most of them.

It will come up VERY briefly in TB&TB. I'm positive I have other Spencer WIPs that include it, but I couldn't tell you which ones. It's requested of me very often 😅 which is fine, it is a kink I have IRL!

I agree, though. It makes me feel things.

[septicbro1005]

Paint Me How You See Me

A/N: Okay, you have no idea how excited I was to see that I had permission to write this. I literally am so happy I could scream. Will I? Not out loud. This actually made me so excited that I got up and started walking around my room and smiling holy shit. Alright. Enough of that. I was inspired to write this story by a comic made by the fantastic @venadorosas​ and I just am so damn excited to write this! I am not an art student myself, but I will do my best to replicate it with what I know. I hope I do the comic justice! Just a few more things before this thing starts: I'm gonna do myself and make this a Quirkless AU as well as make Yuuei a university instead of a high school. This is unedited, so if there are sentences or misspellings, that is why, and I apologize. Anyway, let's get rolling!

Kirishima's POV

One stroke after the other.

Small, swift.

One stroke makes a world of a difference.

So don't… mess… up.

I only have one canvas left after this one, but I'm saving it for something important. Something special. Just need to figure out what.

I mean, yeah, I have others on back order, and Mr. Miyoshi is usually pretty cool with giving me some, but I still need to think about what to do with the 106 cm by 106 cm canvas.

A canvas that big needs something worth being put on there.

"Psst, Kiri--" "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhut," I hissed out through clenched teeth.

"You nee--" "I said shut,"

"B--" "No. Shut. Lemme finish,"

The person who proceeded to pester me, even after I told him to be quiet, was none other than Hanta Sero.

He was an art student, along with myself and several others I know by name.

One of which was Katsuki Bakugou.

And damn, was he confusing.

He was this aloof dude who talked to maybe two people by his own volition.

Some random girl who I see him talk to ever now and again. I think we've spoken twice? All I remember is she told me to call her Tsu.

And then me.

Sure, he'd talk to the professors and people like that, but if he didn't have to speak, he wouldn't.

Yet, he spoke to me.

Not only did he barely talk to people, but he also is probably one of the best looking people on campus.

I kid you not, the first time I saw this dude, I was totally sure I'd met Adonis in human form.

His ash blond hair was styled into a fluffy undercut that I would pay money for to be able to run my hands through, even once. His gauges and helix piercings gave him a bit of an edge, but that's what made him more alluring. He came into class one day, wearing a wife beater, which put a tattoo on full display, resting on his right shoulder.

It isn't just his looks that are attractive either. The way he holds himself, presents himself, just his whole aura is indescribable, to keep it brief.

And he was the person I was painting this for.

This wasn't his first commission. Not by a long shot. And this one was fairly simple as well. Still, I poured my heart and soul into it, just like every piece.

But with his commissions, I feel the need to work that much harder. To push myself that much farther. To make it perfect, in a word.

Now, I know that perfection is impossible, but I still want to achieve it.

I mean, if Bakugou could, I could too, right?

"Kirishima, I've been talking to you for the past couple of seconds and you haven't shushed me. Don't zone out on me right now, man,"

Sero's voice managed to pull me out of this trance, but only a bit.

The ash blond with the scarlet glare was still in the back of my mind.

"What?"

"You need lunch, man," Sero said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Listen, I thank you for your concern, but I had a protein shake maybe six hours ago. I'm dandy," I mumbled, doing a few more soft strokes before standing up. "Plus, I'm not even hungry," 

"Dunno what kind of protein shake you're drinking, but you still need sustenance. C'mon," Sero attempted to persuade me as I walked to the sink to clean the small brush.

"I'm cool, dude. I have a granola bar or two in my bag. I'll eat when I'm hungry," I chuckled lightly, turning on the water and cleaning the brush.

Sero sighed in defeat, as this marked the second week in a row where I substituted breakfast with a protein drink and lunch with a granola bar.

"Alright, fine. Make sure you eat dinner tonight, or Mr. Miyoshi is gonna kick you out again," Sero said, beginning to walk to the door.

"I know, I know,"

"I'll be off, then,"

"Peace out, dude,"

I heard the door to the studio shut, and it was just me in here.

Just me and the paint.

"Hey, Siri,"

My phone lit up, hearing its name.

"Play Rex Orange County on Spotify,"

As I began to finish up some touches on the snow covered forests surrounding a bright red cardinal, the song Uno filled my ears.

The song had no real relevance, but I love that song so much. I dunno if its just because it sounds so simple and sweet, but I just think the song's pretty great.

I'd say after maybe forty-five minutes of doing seemingly pointless touch-ups, I stood back, admiring my work.

Not much needed to be done, but I needed this to be phenomenal.

"I'll just use a simple varnish once everything is dry, then I can move it into the back," I muttered to myself, as if someone was there and I had to be quiet. "Can I finish it today? I could tell him where it is, and wait for the money to come in, I guess,"

A few seconds pause later, and I continued.

"Wow, great job, Eijirou. You sound like a dickwad who just wants money,"

A short sigh, a granola bar and maybe a half an hour or so later, everything seemed dry.

"Let's varnish this motherfucker, and I'll text him when that's done," I mumbled, going into the cabinets, looking for the varnish.

No other assignments at the moment… okay! Cool! I can probably head back to my dorm, chill there, and text Bakugou when it's done!

When I finally found it, I got to work on the varnish.

***

"And sent," I whispered as I approached the dormitories.

I just sent Bakugou a short text, telling him where to find it, how to send me the money (although he probably knows the process by heart at this point) and all that jazz.

My dorm building was in sight when my phone buzzed once.

It was a different buzzing pattern than all the others.

"Oh, Bakugou responded this quickly?" I thought aloud.

Opening my phone, I checked the message.

Sent the ¥321.7K 

My eyes widened at the number.

"I sure as hell didn't tell him to send me that much, what the hell?"

                                                   What!? The commission was only ¥48.2K?!

His response was immediate.

Left a tip.

Get yourself something nice.

"Whoa," I murmured.

Now, I knew Bakugou was on the higher end of the economic spectrum, but hot damn! 

He did usually give me more money than I told him to, but that fact that he gave me that much more this time just seemed to solidify the thought of him being rich.

So manly.

Heading into my dorm building, I looked to the elevators, only to see an out of order sign on them both.

"Are you kidding me?" I whispered. "Fine, guess I'm just gonna take the damn stairs,"

I got a notification, seeing the ¥321.7K was successfully put into my account, and I knew this commission was over.

But at this point, I knew what to expect from Bakugou. Next time I see him, he's gonna ask me about another one.

Not that I mind, not one damn bit. I'm cool with any excuse to talk to him, and I'm happy to please him with my art.

I just gotta brace myself for the next time I see him.

Trudging up the stairs, I began pondering what he would want next.

He seems to really like requesting animals, mainly birds such as crows and cardinals, but will he do something different? Ooh, maybe a peacock! Or maybe he'd want some other winged creature… like maybe an insect? Or possibly he'll switch it up on me.

As I ended up on the next staircase, I heard someone else's footsteps approaching.

Looking up, my eyes were met with a familiar scarlet pair of eyes.

"Oh, hey, Bakugou!" I said with a wave.

"Hey," he replied with a simple nod.

Fuck, he was just as gorgeous as always.

A grey turtleneck hugged his torso, with a black and white pinstripe button up on over it. The shirt was tucked into a pair of black jeans, a wallet chain dangling on his right side. A pair of black converse and a dog tag finished his look, alongside my composure.

"Thanks again for the great work," he said, his husky voice hypnotizing me further.

"You haven't already picked it up, have you?" I asked, cocking my head to the side. "I don't think I saw you walk past me to get to the parking lot,"

"Nah, but I know it's gonna look good," his compliment was accompanied by a smirk.

Short-lived, yes. But a smirk nonetheless.

"Aw, thanks dude! Always happy to make something for my best customer!" I felt myself beam at him. 

"See you around, Red," he said, continuing down the stairs.

"Bye," I waved with a small smile on my face as he disappeared down the stairs.

I quickly hauled ass up to my floor, speed walked to my door and slammed the keys in.

Gay panic in private, dude.

Opening the door, I pulled my key out and shut the door.

"I'm back, Omi!" I shouted into the apartment to see if my roommate was here.

"Hey," my roommate responded from his bed.

"Is it cool if I hop in the shower real quick?" I asked, jerking a thumb toward the bathroom.

"Sure thing. Keep it brief," Omi said, making me roll my eyes.

"Okay, dad," I sighed, but I gave a smile to show it was all in jest.

After locking myself in the bathroom and stripping myself down to absolutely nothing, I got in the shower and had a gay crisis.

Because that's the only place you can have those, y'know?

But a good ol' Panic! In The Shower was enough to calm my nerves.

As I stepped out of the bathroom to grab clothing, I heard Omi laughing.

"What?"

"That Bakugou guy really messes you up, huh?" his laughter was thrown in between words, but I knew exactly what he was referencing.

"If I'm being too loud, just knock on the door, dude! Tell me to shut it, I don't care," I flushed, looking at the ground, my hand tightening around the towel that hung on my waist.

Omi just kept laughing at me as I grabbed my clothes; a simple crimson riot shirt, boxers, black shorts and my wave socks.

It isn't like I'm going anywhere tonight, right?

…

Is what I originally thought until I was dressed and realized I left my motherfucking cardigan at the studio.

"Ugh, fuck," I groaned, rubbing a towel on my head.

"Left your cardigan again?"

"Perhaps," 

"You might as well just wrap it around your waist," Omi suggested.

"And risk getting paint on it?" I looked at Omi like he was a motherfucking psychopath. "Hell no. The cardigan was my grandmother's, so I ain't doing shit to it,"

"Clearly, if you're leaving it in the studio again," Omi mumbled.

"Shush!" I whined, grabbing my keys and slipping on my red sneakers. "I'll be back,"

"Okay,"

Leaving my dorm, I began going down the stairs when I ran into someone.

It was Bakugou, again.

And just when I thought my gay panic was over for the day.

"Oh, hey," I said as casually as possible.

Which probably sounded forces as fuck, because it felt like my heart was just about ready to implode.

"Red," Bakugou was looking me up and down.

I don't think I've ever felt more self-conscious about my appearance in my life.

"I've got another request, if it isn't too much,"

"O-oh, okay!" 

Why did I stutter?! That was so unmanly!

"So, what is it?"

I looked into his gorgeous eyes, trying to see further into him, but I was only met with his right hand slamming into the wall next to my head.

Oh shit, oh fuck. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna collapse, right here. Right now. I can't handle this.

"Uh, dude? You--" "Paint me how you see me, Kirishima,"

Uh, what?

I was stuck between saying "Got it," and "What?" so my dumbass just responded with this:

"Gweh?"

We sat there, in silence, staring at each other.

My face was flushing bright red, and I wanted to look away, but I didn't. I couldn't. His eyes just drew me in.

He moved his arm to his side, and began to head up the stairs.

Quick, say something coherent!

"O-on it!"

I swear, I saw him smile a bit before he was completely gone.

What was I doing again?

***

It's been around three weeks.

It's been three weeks of planning, sketching, and small, swift strokes.

And plenty of panic, but that's irrelevant. There was a bit of disco, so it balances out anyway.

Mr. Miyoshi did end up setting a curfew on me, to make sure I didn't pass out at the studio, but it wasn't set until it had already happened.

But, since I wanted to work on it after the curfew, I brought it to the dorm, keeping it on newspaper and buying the paint I needed.

I had the picture in my mind, which I did my best to replicate without him genuinely modelling for me.

It was a ¾ shot of his shirtless back, with him looking over his right shoulder, giving a perfect view of his side profile. I also made sure I replicated his tattoo to the best of my abilities, and I think it came out okay.

But that isn't all!

Monarch butterflies lined his back, as a fiery looking echo was placed slightly to the left. 

Those warm colors contrasted like hell, compared to the blues and navy of the background.

Just to fuck around with more color, flecks of brighter colors adorned the background, giving it sort of galaxy look.

I thought it looked gorgeous.

And not just because it's Bakugou.

You know how when you make something, and you worked so damn hard on it, and when it's done, you're just filled with pride?

This is one of those works for me.

"Omi!" I yelled about before cringing.

It's 01:35.

"Yeah?" 

Why the fuck does he sound like he's been awake?

"First of all, have you been awake this whole time? Second of all, could you grab me my phone?" I said a little quieter.

"It's done?" Omi asked, coming over with my phone.

"I'm happy with it," I said with a huge grin.

"Looks fantastic," Omi pat my shoulder before walking off.

Using my nose, I unlocked my phone and took a picture before putting my phone down.

I just looked at the painting, with Bakugou's slight pout catching my eyes.

I have absolutely zero clue what came over me, but I lifted my forefinger to my mouth, and pressed a small peck to it.

My forefinger rested against the painting's lips, and I just felt warm.

And that was probably the best feeling ever.

I gotta give this to him in person. It's about time I told him.

***

What floor are you on again?

                                                                                    Number two. Room 204.

Okay, I'm coming over.

I let out a shuddery breath, looking at the canvas, which I covered with a blanket.

I need to tell him.

It's time.

I kept opening my phone, making sure I had the song ready to play at the click of a button.

He needs to know.

A loud knock landed on my door, and I jumped.

I walked over to the door, playing the song as I opened it.

"Hey, Bakugou! Come in!"

The ash blond entered, wearing a button up and jeans again, just no turtleneck this time.

"So, I wanted to give this one to you in person… because I…" I was stumbling over my words.

Calm down, Eijirou. You got this.

"Because this could very well be the last commission you want from me,"

This made Bakugou's usual deadpan change ever so slightly. His left brow rose up as his head tilted to the side.

"And why might that be?"

"I…"

Fucking say it.

Spit it out.

"I like you," I barely got out before throwing my gaze at the ground. "I like you a lot. You're just so cool and collected, and from what I know about you, I like it. And I want to know more. I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but I just had to get that out," 

Before I even looked at him, I walked over to the painting, still looking at the ground, and pulled the blanket off.

Everything was silent, except for the music in the background. But even the song was at a quieter part than the rest of it.

I felt Bakugou's eyes on me and not the painting, which terrified me to no end.

Should I have even said anything?

"You don't have to pay if you don't want to or if you don't like it. And…" I took in a shaky breath, looking at the ground, lazily gesturing to the painting and then myself. "If you don't want to be friends anymore, if you even thought of us as friends, then you can ignore me,"

His footsteps were soft, but I knew they were coming. So when his black converse appeared in my vision, I looked off to the side as my vision blurred with tears that threatened to spill. 

A finger went under my chin, turning my face to him.

His eyes met mine, and he was smiling.

"You really are oblivious, huh?"

"Gweh?"

Fucking, again?

Bakugou laughed before leaning in a bit, his head turning to the left.

"Can I kiss you as a tip?"

My whole brain has short-circuited, but I turned my head to the right and leaned in closer.

My eyes slowly closed, and when his lips met mine, I was immediately thrown into a state of euphoria.

Holy shit, this is happening.

This is actually happening!

I couldn't help the smile that bloomed on my face as I draped my arms over his shoulders, and I couldn't stop laughing either.

It was so fucking amazing.

Small blazes of tears made tracks down my cheeks, but I didn't care. Unless my nose starts running, I'm not gonna let some tears mess up this kiss.

But, all good things must come to an end, as Bakugou pulled back.

His eyes were on mine, and for once, they were soft. A small grin was pasted on his features, his hands on my face.

"Why are you crying?" he asked as his thumb rubbed at my dampened cheek.

I just felt myself giggle in response. 

"Well, I was originally gonna cry because I thought you wouldn't be cool with my confession, but these tears quickly turned sweet," I just couldn't stop laughing. "Shit, I'm so happy,"

We just stood there for a few moments of content silence before Bakugou spoke up.

"So, how the hell am I supposed to bring this painting to my dorm?" 

"I can help you bring it up there!" I offered.

"I get to bring two masterpieces to my dorm? Great!" Bakugou oozed confidence as he said that.

"Dear christ," I began giggling again, since that was unexpected.

We grabbed the painting, and I made sure Bakugou was careful with it, but was also holding it properly.

"Hey, Omi! Could you get the door?"

"Sure,"

"Your roommate was here?" Bakugou asked.

"Well, it's his dorm too." I pointed out as Omi got the door for me. "Plus, it isn't like I wasn't so obviously crushing on you,"

"It really wasn't," Omi said, patting my back carefully. "But congratulations to the both of you,"

"Thanks, Omi,"

Bakugou just gave a small murmur to thank Omi.

"Alright, Bakugou, you go through the door first, then we can keep walking," I said, turning us so Bakugou could walk out the door properly.

"Okay,"

After a quick minute of maneuvering, we managed to get the painting up the stairs without damaging it.

"So you're which dorm?"

"302," Bakugou said as we got to his door.

"Coolio!" I grinned.

"Dork," Bakugou snickered at me. "How d'you want this to be put down?"

"We can just rest it against the wall," I said, propping the painting up on the wall.

"Give me a quick sec," Bakugou mumbled, unlocking the door.

He swung the door open and made sure it stayed open. 

"Alright,"

"At this point, I'm gonna follow you. You know where you wanna put this?" I asked him.

"Uhm… I think Misumi wouldn't mind if I placed this on his side of the room until I know exactly where to hang it," Bakugou said as we walked into the room.

***

My paintings were all on the wall. The snow surrounded cardinal, the murder of crows, all of them.

Except one.

The other paintings sort of made a frame, with a 106 cm x 106 cm square in the middle.

"Hey, honey?" I called out.

"What's up, Rourou?" Katsuki asked from the other room.

"Could you grab me the step ladder?"

"Shorty," I heard Katsuki laugh.

"I heard that, Katsu! You aren't as quiet as you think!"

"Says you, of all people!" Katsuki chuckled, coming on with the step ladder.

"Thank you, baby," I said, pecking his cheek.

"Of course. Putting up the last one?" He asked.

"Yep!" I said, grabbing the painting I made all those years back.

The monarch butterflies dotting his spine, his scarlet glare, gorgeous fluffy hair, all of it brought together, and hung up on our wall.

I got off the step ladder, and looked at the paintings. Every single one of them.

A hand snaked around my waist and pulled me in close.

"I love you so much, baby," Katsuki whispered, kissing my forehead.

"I love you too,"

His hand rubbed against my waist, but I could feel one thing that was inconsistent with the feeling of the rest of his hand.

A golden band sat on his left ring finger, practically identical to the one that sat on my left ring finger.

A/N: And that's all! Honestly, I'm very pleased with this, and think this came out well! I hope that those of you who see this like it too! I want to thank @venadorosas for allowing me to write a story based off of their comic and for making such fantastic art. If you like my writing, I'm also on Wattpad, so check me out there, if you're up for it. Same username and profile picture. I do believe that this is it! I apologize for the ending, as it feels a little odd to me, I just don't have any idea how to end it properly. I sincerely hope that I did the comic justice. Love y'all! Stay safe and healthy! - Septic

[pink-peony-princess]

A Late Night Call

-Katie-

"Shawn" I called into the darkness, wanting the comfort of my boyfriend. We lived together in a house, along with his friends,Brian, Connor and Dave -who also happened to be my older brother.

When no response came, I started to get worried, I had been feeling unwell for the last several days, running fevers and feeling generally blah, but I had just woken up to bad pain in my abdomen. I had always hated being sick- not only because it obviously wasn't fun, but because I had a fear of doctors and hospitals. Something which wasn't helped by the fact my brother, my boyfriend and their friends were all doctors of some description. As a result, I had tried to avoid medical intervention as much as possible for pretty much my entire life, so twenty years, which both Dave and Shawn as Emergency physicians were not happy about.

Swallowing the lump that was now forming in my throat I called out again, "Shawn!" I tried, louder this time, hoping he had just gotten up to use the bathroom.

"Katie?" I heard a sleepy voice ask, before someone switched the lamp on beside my bed, causing me to close my eyes immediately. "Katie, what wrong honey?" I recognised the voice now as my older brother, I could hear the concern in his tone. "The heat pack didn't help?" he asked, sitting beside me and sighing.

"I hurt D," I whimpered, trying to move closer to him to gain some comfort, while not causing myself anymore pain.

"What do you mean it hurts?" he asked, switching into 'doctor mode'. I hated it when he did this, but even I knew that I needed help. Something wasn't right, and my only hope to get it fixed was letting my brother do his job. "I thought you just felt sick?" he asked, taking my hand to check my pulse.

"I did," I started, "Well, I had an achy tummy, around here," I explained, pointing to around my belly button. "But now it's REALLY hurting," I cried, just wanting him to make it stop.

"It's okay, I'm going to call Shawn okay? Bri!" he called, getting up and grabbing my cell phone of my bedside table, speed dialling Shawn's number.

"What's wrong David?" Bri grumbled, "It's two in the morning for goodness sake. I need my sleep man!" Dave just pointed, directing Brian's attention to me silently, waiting for Shawn to pick-up.

"Oh Katie, what's wrong buddy?" he asked, grabbing a tissue from the side table, before sitting down and gently wiping away the moisture that had accumulated from my face.

"Just make it stop!" I begged, trying desperately to find a more comfortable way to lie, trying to ignore the sharp pain that was now my sole focus.

A few more minutes past in which Brian tried, with almost no luck to calm me, telling me that everything would be okay. Dave took the phone away from his ear. "He must be in the middle of a consult, I kept getting the dial tone, I'll try in a few more minutes," he spoke, coming to sit by my side again.

"Care to explain what's going on?" Brian asked, reaching for more tissues, the ones he had been using, now soaked and laying dis-guarded on the mattress.

My brother looked at me sympathetically, before turning his attention to his friend. "I'm not totally sure myself. I just got up to use the toilet and heard her crying and calling out to Shawn."

"What's up Missy?" Brian asked again, trying to get something useful out of me. When I didn't answer for fear of crying again, he sighed, and rested his hand again my forehead. It was calming, having physical contact, something to take my mind of my current state. "Dave, pass me the thermometer," he uttered. "She's got a fever, when was the last time her temperature was taken?" he asked, as he held it in my ear, waiting for it to beep.

"About- three hours ago," Daveresponded.

"Yep thirty-nine on the dot," Dave spoke moving the instrument away from me. "You have quite the fever Katie," he told me, moving to get the water bottle which Shawn had placed on the wardrobe, helping me to take small sips of the liquid.

"No wonder you're feeling so horrendous," Dave chimed as fixed my blanket up.

"Katie, where is the pain exactly?" Bri asked, sitting up, and moving the blanket aside.

"Here," I told him pointing once again to the spots I had shown D.

They shared a dark look between themselves, before Brian spoke up. "Katie, I need you to lie down again okay, I need to have a feel of your tummy." As he said this, Dave helped me to lay back, making sure that I was as comfortable as I could be, given the current situation. "Can I pull this up?" Brian asked, gesturing to my bed-shirt once I was situated the way they wanted me.

"He' will be as gentle as possible okay," Dave, tried to reassure me, taking my hand.

He felt around for a minute, before hitting the one spot on my right side. The pain was unbearable, and I nearly broke Dave's hand from holding it so tightly. "Please stop!" I begged, hot tears rolling down my face once again.

"I'm sorry Katie," Brian apologised, pulling my clothes back down.

"What's wrong with me D?" I asked, turning to my brother, who was now watching Brian very carefully.

"I can't be sure-" Brian started, "Dave, she hasn't had her appendix out has she?" he checked, watching me closely.

"No, she hasn't. Is that what you're thinking?" he asked, reaching for my phone that he had placed back only moments earlier.

"Well, I can't be sure until we run the usual tests, but when I just felt around that section of the abdomen was firm, and given the pain and fever, it wouldn't be surprising."

I couldn't work out if it made me anxious that Brian was talking like this. On the one hand, he was one of the best surgeons in the area, and the head of General Surgery at the hospital the guys worked at. On the flip side though, he was talking about my appendix, and running tests, and although I didn't understand exactly what this meant for me at that moment, I knew it probably wouldn't be good.

"I'm going to call Connor, let him know what's happening, try to get through to Luke again," he told Dave as he got up and left the room.

The room was quite for a few moments again, as Dave called Shawn again, this time though, it connected and I heard Shawn's muffled voice down the line.

"Shawn yeah it's me Dave, can you come home, it's urgent. Katie's woken in bad pain, we're thinking it could be her appendix, but she's been asking for you for the better part of twenty minutes now, and I doubt she'll let anyone else move her," he was quiet for a moment, before turning and handing the phone to me. "He wants to talk to you."

-Third Person-

"Shawn?" Katie whispered, down the line.

Hearing his love in so much pain broke the young doctor's heart. "I'm right here babe. I'm on my way," he spoke as he ran out the main doors and into the rain. Only stopping momentarily to let an emergency vehicle through.

"It hurts," Katie cried, and he could hear the desperation in her voice. She was usually strong, so for her to be in this emotional state, he knew the pain must be bad.

"Just hang tight for a few, I'll be there soon, Dave will look after you."

Dave and Brian, who had both heard the end of their conversation smiled.

The hospital was only five minutes from the house, but it took what felt like eternity for Shawn to come crashing through the door.

Katie could see from his attire that Shawn had been on-call, and immediately felt bad for pulling her boyfriend away from his responsibilities.

"Oh honey," he whispered, bending down to kneel beside the bed, kissing her forehead gently. "How long has she been like this?" he questioned, turning to his friends.

"I found her like this," Dave explained, pain clear on his face as he watched his little sister with sympathy.

"I'm sorry," Katie muttered, hiding her face in her boyfriend's shoulder, just wanting the world to melt away.

"For what?" Shawn asked, moving back to look at his girlfriend. "There is nothing more important than you," he declared, kissing her gently again.

"I think we need to get you to the hospital Katie-Kat," Dave announced, earning nods of agreement from the others.

"No please," she begged, fear consuming her, her chest tightening at the thought of being in one of the places she hated the most.

"But we'll be able to give you pain meds there, and besides we don't have the right equipment here to deal with this. If something goes wrong, it could be very dangerous babe," Shawn tried to reason, feeling horrible that they couldn't just keep her at home and sort it out there.

"Promise?" she whispered, feeling helpless as she looked between her boyfriend and brother.

"We promise," they responded immediately, before starting to gather the necessary items for the trip to the hospital.

Five minutes later, Katie was wrapped in a blanket, Dave and Shawn having worked together to shift her off the bed, without causing any more pain, something which Katie found miraculous.

"You ready Princess?" Shawn asked, bundling Katie up in his arms, and making his way down to the car. They had decided that it would be quicker to drive, than wait for an ambulance, especially given that they had direct access to the urgent care unit.

Brian had called Connor on the way there, informing him that they would be needing a bed, and possibly an O.R., which Connor had no trouble securing as not only was he Deputy Head of General Surgery at the hospital, and well- respected by his colleagues, but the patient in question was the girlfriend and sister of the two most highly qualified doctors in the area.

The ride to the hospital was not pleasant, every little bump in the road sending white-hot pain through the affected area, Katie, being completely worn out physically and emotionally, was nothing more than a weeping mess when they finally made it to the entrance. Shawn, who had been trying his hardest to keep his hysterical girlfriend calm, so as not to exacerbate her symptoms, let out an auditory sigh of relief when he spotted, his friend, waiting with a gurney, and several nurses.

"She'll be fine mate," Connor promised, just above a whisper so that only Shawn could hear. He nodded, silently thanking his friend for the words of encouragement. Normally he would have had no issue in a situation like this, in-fact, his job entailed this type of situation daily. However, what Shawn was now finding out, was that no-one had told him what it would be like to deal with a loved one in a situation such as this. And It was horrible.

His heart broke into what felt like a thousand tiny pieces, as Katie let out an agonising cry of pain, when she was placed, however gently onto the gurney, it being lead at a rate of knots down the hospital halls and into a free bay.

Stopping to re-gather himself for a moment, he saw Dave, somehow managing to hold himself together, as he held his sister's hand in a silent show of comfort. Shawn really didn't know how he was doing it, but if her own brother could do it, surely, he could too. Shaking the ever-growing dread that was forming at the pit of his stomach, he ran to start assisting in getting Katie into a semi-stable condition.

"I need a standard dosage of pain medication for an I.V." Dave called, going to stand by his sister's side. "I'm going to get some pain medicine in you okay poppet," he spoke, moving the blankets out the way, freeing Katie's hand.

She groaned, but made no effort to move, alarming the four doctors, who knew only too well, how much she would normally fight the idea of needles.

-Katie-

I was aware of everything going on around me, people rushing in an out of the crowded room, the boys ordering fellow doctors and nurses around, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't muster the strength to fight anymore.

Shawn sat by me, as Dave set me up with an I.V., administering a dose of pain medicine, which helped almost immediately.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked, resting his chin on top of my head.

"Hmm," I responded, finally feeling a little more content.

The response seemed to satisfy him, as he went quiet, allowing me to close my eyes momentarily.

I wasn't aware that I had drifted off, but I must have, because the next thing I was aware of, was someone calling my name. When I didn't' respond, they tried again.

"Katie, can you open your eyes for me honey?" This time, I did as asked, blinding light clouding my vision temporarily. "How are you feeling?" Brian asked, standing at the end of my bed, chart in hand.

The room was unfamiliar to me. He must have seen the confusion on my face as he chuckled lightly and came to stand by my side. "We just finished surgery," he spoke, making my eyes go wide.

"What happened?" I croaked, my throat feeling scratchy and dry.

"Connor performed an appendectomy," he responded, as he retrieved his stethoscope. "May I?" he asked. When I nodded, he placed the bell on my chest, listening to my heart.

"A what?" I asked, feeling no more informed. "You had your appendix out," he explained in layman's terms so that I could understand it.

"Oh," I was shocked, I knew that I was in pain, but I didn't realise it had been that bad.

"You're quite lucky actually, it ruptured, we caught it just in time, Shawn and Bri were beside themselves."

"Where?" I asked, wanting to know where they were, but not able to get anymore words out, over-whelming tiredness taking over.

"Cafeteria, they should be back in a minute," he reassured me with a smile.

Right on cue Connor, Shawn and Dave all walked through the door, food in hand. When they saw that I was awake, they all stopped running into one another like a set of dominoes.

Connor recovered the fastest, a smile lighting his face as he came over, "So the sleeping beauty has awoken I see."

Shawn looked as if he had been tasered, literally jumping back, forcing Dave to grab him to stop him hitting the ground. The shock only lasted a millisecond though, and before I could take another breath, he was wrapping me in his arms, pulling me tightly to his chest, as if his life depended on it.

"Shawn, gentle," Brian, warned, laughing at his eagerness, but making no move to stop his mate as he hopped onto the bed beside me, forcing our bodies against one another. Feeling his warmth sent a rush of security through me, and I just sat there in silence for a moment, trying to readjust.

Up close I could see the exhaustion, the toll that this had taken on him, his face looked sullen, his eyes puffy and red from crying. "I missed you so much!" he whispered, resting his head in the crook of my neck and breathing heavily. It was a few moments before I realised that he was crying.

"I'm okay," I spoke, smiling, trying my hardest to convince him.

"I thought I was going to lose you," he admitted, kissing me desperately. "We all did."

"How bad?" I asked, almost scared to know the answer. He just looked at me and shook his head. "How bad?" I asked again, this time turning to my brother.

When he saw that I was addressing him, he rushed over, taking me in his arms, and hugging me, though much more carefully then Shawn had. After a moment, he stepped back, resting his hand on my shoulder. I took hold of his hand with my free one, keeping a firm grip on Shawn

"You coded," he spoke as if the words physically pained him to say. I didn't say anything, in truth, I didn't know how to respond, what do you say when someone tells you that you almost died? Everyone was quiet for a moment, just sat taking everything in, me, tracing the tattoos on Shawn's arm absent-mindedly.

Again, Connor, was the one to break the silence. "Katie, I just need to do your vitals okay, and check your wound, and then we'll let you sleep," he bargained, when I grimaced at the idea of being poked and prodded once again. "Just follow the light," he instructed, having pulled a pen light from the pocket of his scrubs. I did as asked, and after a moment, he put it back, telling me there were no problems.

He was quick, Brian writing everything down on the chart, that he was still holding from when they came in.

"I'm just going to pull this up okay?" he checked that it was okay, before doing so. I winced slightly, earning an apologetic smile from Connor. "That's looking good," he spoke, re-dressing it, and re-situating the blankets so that I was kept warm.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Shawn whispered again, kissing my temple.

"I have to pee," I whispered against his cheek, making him laugh.

"Gee way to ruin a romantic moment," Dave snorted as he sat typing on his laptop, causing me to blush, and hide my face in Shawn's chest

"Nah, it's okay, do you want to use the bathroom?" Shawn queried, moving to get off the bed, before moving the pole which held the fluids out of the way.

"As apose to?" I questioned, feeling confused, as he helped me sit up.

"A bed pan," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I just stared at him for a moment, "Okay, so that's not going to happen, to the bathroom we go," he laughed, helping me manoeuvrer my way out of bed.

It was a slow process getting to the toilet, but he was patient, helping me to bare the weight where possible. Once I was situated, he turned, giving me privacy to do my business. Once I was done, and I had successfully been transferred back to my bed, I was able to relax a little more.

"Are you in pain?" Dave asked, watching as I shifted around, trying to find a comfortable spot on the hard bed.

I nodded,and within moments he was up and administering another dose of pain relievers in the tube sticking out of my arm.

"Thanks D," I mumbled, sleepily, bunking down, and snuggling into Shawn's side to try and stay warm.

"Here, this should help," I heard Dave say, before something extra soft and warm was placed over me. It felt like an electric blanket.

I hummed, finally content, letting myself drift off.

The next few days were okay, well, in between the hourly vitals checks done by the nurses and the daily dressing changes, and not to mention Dave and Connor forcing me to start walking around, something which I grumbled at them about for a solid half hour after the fact.

Finally, five full days after the operation Dave declared that I could go home on the condition that I promised to take it easy, and rest. After making me swear to it three times, he let Shawn remove my I.V. and help me into a wheelchair for the ride out to the car.

The drive home was quiet,Dave letting me rest my head on him as Shawn drove.

When we got home, they helped me up the stairs, all but ordering me to bed, persuading me by promising that we could eat pizza and watch crappy C grade chick-flicks all night.

As I fell asleep to the rise and fall of Shawn's chest, I found myself thinking just how lucky I really was. Lucky that I was alive, and lucky I had the guys to call family.

Reaching up, I pecked Shawn on the check, him leaning down and kissing back. "What was that for?" he asked, a soft smile gracing his face.

"Love you is all," I sighed, resting my head back on his chest, and letting the world fade out. 

[pinkpeonyprincessblog]

A Late Night Call

-Katie-

"Shawn" I called into the darkness, wanting the comfort of my boyfriend. We lived together in a house, along with his friends,Brian, Connor and Dave -who also happened to be my older brother.

When no response came, I started to get worried, I had been feeling unwell for the last several days, running fevers and feeling generally blah, but I had just woken up to bad pain in my abdomen. I had always hated being sick- not only because it obviously wasn't fun, but because I had a fear of doctors and hospitals. Something which wasn't helped by the fact my brother, my boyfriend and their friends were all doctors of some description. As a result, I had tried to avoid medical intervention as much as possible for pretty much my entire life, so twenty years, which both Dave and Shawn as Emergency physicians were not happy about.

Swallowing the lump that was now forming in my throat I called out again, "Shawn!" I tried, louder this time, hoping he had just gotten up to use the bathroom.

"Katie?" I heard a sleepy voice ask, before someone switched the lamp on beside my bed, causing me to close my eyes immediately. "Katie, what wrong honey?" I recognised the voice now as my older brother, I could hear the concern in his tone. "The heat pack didn't help?" he asked, sitting beside me and sighing.

"I hurt D," I whimpered, trying to move closer to him to gain some comfort, while not causing myself anymore pain.

"What do you mean it hurts?" he asked, switching into 'doctor mode'. I hated it when he did this, but even I knew that I needed help. Something wasn't right, and my only hope to get it fixed was letting my brother do his job. "I thought you just felt sick?" he asked, taking my hand to check my pulse.

"I did," I started, "Well, I had an achy tummy, around here," I explained, pointing to around my belly button. "But now it's REALLY hurting," I cried, just wanting him to make it stop.

"It's okay, I'm going to call Shawn okay? Bri!" he called, getting up and grabbing my cell phone of my bedside table, speed dialling Shawn's number.

"What's wrong David?" Bri grumbled, "It's two in the morning for goodness sake. I need my sleep man!" Dave just pointed, directing Brian's attention to me silently, waiting for Shawn to pick-up.

"Oh Katie, what's wrong buddy?" he asked, grabbing a tissue from the side table, before sitting down and gently wiping away the moisture that had accumulated from my face.

"Just make it stop!" I begged, trying desperately to find a more comfortable way to lie, trying to ignore the sharp pain that was now my sole focus.

A few more minutes past in which Brian tried, with almost no luck to calm me, telling me that everything would be okay. Dave took the phone away from his ear. "He must be in the middle of a consult, I kept getting the dial tone, I'll try in a few more minutes," he spoke, coming to sit by my side again.

"Care to explain what's going on?" Brian asked, reaching for more tissues, the ones he had been using, now soaked and laying dis-guarded on the mattress.

My brother looked at me sympathetically, before turning his attention to his friend. "I'm not totally sure myself. I just got up to use the toilet and heard her crying and calling out to Shawn."

"What's up Missy?" Brian asked again, trying to get something useful out of me. When I didn't answer for fear of crying again, he sighed, and rested his hand again my forehead. It was calming, having physical contact, something to take my mind of my current state. "Dave, pass me the thermometer," he uttered. "She's got a fever, when was the last time her temperature was taken?" he asked, as he held it in my ear, waiting for it to beep.

"About- three hours ago," Daveresponded.

"Yep thirty-nine on the dot," Dave spoke moving the instrument away from me. "You have quite the fever Katie," he told me, moving to get the water bottle which Shawn had placed on the wardrobe, helping me to take small sips of the liquid.

"No wonder you're feeling so horrendous," Dave chimed as fixed my blanket up.

"Katie, where is the pain exactly?" Bri asked, sitting up, and moving the blanket aside.

"Here," I told him pointing once again to the spots I had shown D.

They shared a dark look between themselves, before Brian spoke up. "Katie, I need you to lie down again okay, I need to have a feel of your tummy." As he said this, Dave helped me to lay back, making sure that I was as comfortable as I could be, given the current situation. "Can I pull this up?" Brian asked, gesturing to my bed-shirt once I was situated the way they wanted me.

"He' will be as gentle as possible okay," Dave, tried to reassure me, taking my hand.

He felt around for a minute, before hitting the one spot on my right side. The pain was unbearable, and I nearly broke Dave's hand from holding it so tightly. "Please stop!" I begged, hot tears rolling down my face once again.

"I'm sorry Katie," Brian apologised, pulling my clothes back down.

"What's wrong with me D?" I asked, turning to my brother, who was now watching Brian very carefully.

"I can't be sure-" Brian started, "Dave, she hasn't had her appendix out has she?" he checked, watching me closely.

"No, she hasn't. Is that what you're thinking?" he asked, reaching for my phone that he had placed back only moments earlier.

"Well, I can't be sure until we run the usual tests, but when I just felt around that section of the abdomen was firm, and given the pain and fever, it wouldn't be surprising."

I couldn't work out if it made me anxious that Brian was talking like this. On the one hand, he was one of the best surgeons in the area, and the head of General Surgery at the hospital the guys worked at. On the flip side though, he was talking about my appendix, and running tests, and although I didn't understand exactly what this meant for me at that moment, I knew it probably wouldn't be good.

"I'm going to call Connor, let him know what's happening, try to get through to Luke again," he told Dave as he got up and left the room.

The room was quite for a few moments again, as Dave called Shawn again, this time though, it connected and I heard Shawn's muffled voice down the line.

"Shawn yeah it's me Dave, can you come home, it's urgent. Katie's woken in bad pain, we're thinking it could be her appendix, but she's been asking for you for the better part of twenty minutes now, and I doubt she'll let anyone else move her," he was quiet for a moment, before turning and handing the phone to me. "He wants to talk to you."

-Third Person-

"Shawn?" Katie whispered, down the line.

Hearing his love in so much pain broke the young doctor's heart. "I'm right here babe. I'm on my way," he spoke as he ran out the main doors and into the rain. Only stopping momentarily to let an emergency vehicle through.

"It hurts," Katie cried, and he could hear the desperation in her voice. She was usually strong, so for her to be in this emotional state, he knew the pain must be bad.

"Just hang tight for a few, I'll be there soon, Dave will look after you."

Dave and Brian, who had both heard the end of their conversation smiled.

The hospital was only five minutes from the house, but it took what felt like eternity for Shawn to come crashing through the door.

Katie could see from his attire that Shawn had been on-call, and immediately felt bad for pulling her boyfriend away from his responsibilities.

"Oh honey," he whispered, bending down to kneel beside the bed, kissing her forehead gently. "How long has she been like this?" he questioned, turning to his friends.

"I found her like this," Dave explained, pain clear on his face as he watched his little sister with sympathy.

"I'm sorry," Katie muttered, hiding her face in her boyfriend's shoulder, just wanting the world to melt away.

"For what?" Shawn asked, moving back to look at his girlfriend. "There is nothing more important than you," he declared, kissing her gently again.

"I think we need to get you to the hospital Katie-Kat," Dave announced, earning nods of agreement from the others.

"No please," she begged, fear consuming her, her chest tightening at the thought of being in one of the places she hated the most.

"But we'll be able to give you pain meds there, and besides we don't have the right equipment here to deal with this. If something goes wrong, it could be very dangerous babe," Shawn tried to reason, feeling horrible that they couldn't just keep her at home and sort it out there.

"Promise?" she whispered, feeling helpless as she looked between her boyfriend and brother.

"We promise," they responded immediately, before starting to gather the necessary items for the trip to the hospital.

Five minutes later, Katie was wrapped in a blanket, Dave and Shawn having worked together to shift her off the bed, without causing any more pain, something which Katie found miraculous.

"You ready Princess?" Shawn asked, bundling Katie up in his arms, and making his way down to the car. They had decided that it would be quicker to drive, than wait for an ambulance, especially given that they had direct access to the urgent care unit.

Brian had called Connor on the way there, informing him that they would be needing a bed, and possibly an O.R., which Connor had no trouble securing as not only was he Deputy Head of General Surgery at the hospital, and well- respected by his colleagues, but the patient in question was the girlfriend and sister of the two most highly qualified doctors in the area.

The ride to the hospital was not pleasant, every little bump in the road sending white-hot pain through the affected area, Katie, being completely worn out physically and emotionally, was nothing more than a weeping mess when they finally made it to the entrance. Shawn, who had been trying his hardest to keep his hysterical girlfriend calm, so as not to exacerbate her symptoms, let out an auditory sigh of relief when he spotted, his friend, waiting with a gurney, and several nurses.

"She'll be fine mate," Connor promised, just above a whisper so that only Shawn could hear. He nodded, silently thanking his friend for the words of encouragement. Normally he would have had no issue in a situation like this, in-fact, his job entailed this type of situation daily. However, what Shawn was now finding out, was that no-one had told him what it would be like to deal with a loved one in a situation such as this. And It was horrible.

His heart broke into what felt like a thousand tiny pieces, as Katie let out an agonising cry of pain, when she was placed, however gently onto the gurney, it being lead at a rate of knots down the hospital halls and into a free bay.

Stopping to re-gather himself for a moment, he saw Dave, somehow managing to hold himself together, as he held his sister's hand in a silent show of comfort. Shawn really didn't know how he was doing it, but if her own brother could do it, surely, he could too. Shaking the ever-growing dread that was forming at the pit of his stomach, he ran to start assisting in getting Katie into a semi-stable condition.

"I need a standard dosage of pain medication for an I.V." Dave called, going to stand by his sister's side. "I'm going to get some pain medicine in you okay poppet," he spoke, moving the blankets out the way, freeing Katie's hand.

She groaned, but made no effort to move, alarming the four doctors, who knew only too well, how much she would normally fight the idea of needles.

-Katie-

I was aware of everything going on around me, people rushing in an out of the crowded room, the boys ordering fellow doctors and nurses around, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't muster the strength to fight anymore.

Shawn sat by me, as Dave set me up with an I.V., administering a dose of pain medicine, which helped almost immediately.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked, resting his chin on top of my head.

"Hmm," I responded, finally feeling a little more content.

The response seemed to satisfy him, as he went quiet, allowing me to close my eyes momentarily.

I wasn't aware that I had drifted off, but I must have, because the next thing I was aware of, was someone calling my name. When I didn't' respond, they tried again.

"Katie, can you open your eyes for me honey?" This time, I did as asked, blinding light clouding my vision temporarily. "How are you feeling?" Brian asked, standing at the end of my bed, chart in hand.

The room was unfamiliar to me. He must have seen the confusion on my face as he chuckled lightly and came to stand by my side. "We just finished surgery," he spoke, making my eyes go wide.

"What happened?" I croaked, my throat feeling scratchy and dry.

"Connor performed an appendectomy," he responded, as he retrieved his stethoscope. "May I?" he asked. When I nodded, he placed the bell on my chest, listening to my heart.

"A what?" I asked, feeling no more informed. "You had your appendix out," he explained in layman's terms so that I could understand it.

"Oh," I was shocked, I knew that I was in pain, but I didn't realise it had been that bad.

"You're quite lucky actually, it ruptured, we caught it just in time, Shawn and Bri were beside themselves."

"Where?" I asked, wanting to know where they were, but not able to get anymore words out, over-whelming tiredness taking over.

"Cafeteria, they should be back in a minute," he reassured me with a smile.

Right on cue Connor, Shawn and Dave all walked through the door, food in hand. When they saw that I was awake, they all stopped running into one another like a set of dominoes.

Connor recovered the fastest, a smile lighting his face as he came over, "So the sleeping beauty has awoken I see."

Shawn looked as if he had been tasered, literally jumping back, forcing Dave to grab him to stop him hitting the ground. The shock only lasted a millisecond though, and before I could take another breath, he was wrapping me in his arms, pulling me tightly to his chest, as if his life depended on it.

"Shawn, gentle," Brian, warned, laughing at his eagerness, but making no move to stop his mate as he hopped onto the bed beside me, forcing our bodies against one another. Feeling his warmth sent a rush of security through me, and I just sat there in silence for a moment, trying to readjust.

Up close I could see the exhaustion, the toll that this had taken on him, his face looked sullen, his eyes puffy and red from crying. "I missed you so much!" he whispered, resting his head in the crook of my neck and breathing heavily. It was a few moments before I realised that he was crying.

"I'm okay," I spoke, smiling, trying my hardest to convince him.

"I thought I was going to lose you," he admitted, kissing me desperately. "We all did."

"How bad?" I asked, almost scared to know the answer. He just looked at me and shook his head. "How bad?" I asked again, this time turning to my brother.

When he saw that I was addressing him, he rushed over, taking me in his arms, and hugging me, though much more carefully then Shawn had. After a moment, he stepped back, resting his hand on my shoulder. I took hold of his hand with my free one, keeping a firm grip on Shawn

"You coded," he spoke as if the words physically pained him to say. I didn't say anything, in truth, I didn't know how to respond, what do you say when someone tells you that you almost died? Everyone was quiet for a moment, just sat taking everything in, me, tracing the tattoos on Shawn's arm absent-mindedly.

Again, Connor, was the one to break the silence. "Katie, I just need to do your vitals okay, and check your wound, and then we'll let you sleep," he bargained, when I grimaced at the idea of being poked and prodded once again. "Just follow the light," he instructed, having pulled a pen light from the pocket of his scrubs. I did as asked, and after a moment, he put it back, telling me there were no problems.

He was quick, Brian writing everything down on the chart, that he was still holding from when they came in.

"I'm just going to pull this up okay?" he checked that it was okay, before doing so. I winced slightly, earning an apologetic smile from Connor. "That's looking good," he spoke, re-dressing it, and re-situating the blankets so that I was kept warm.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Shawn whispered again, kissing my temple.

"I have to pee," I whispered against his cheek, making him laugh.

"Gee way to ruin a romantic moment," Dave snorted as he sat typing on his laptop, causing me to blush, and hide my face in Shawn's chest

"Nah, it's okay, do you want to use the bathroom?" Shawn queried, moving to get off the bed, before moving the pole which held the fluids out of the way.

"As apose to?" I questioned, feeling confused, as he helped me sit up.

"A bed pan," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I just stared at him for a moment, "Okay, so that's not going to happen, to the bathroom we go," he laughed, helping me manoeuvrer my way out of bed.

It was a slow process getting to the toilet, but he was patient, helping me to bare the weight where possible. Once I was situated, he turned, giving me privacy to do my business. Once I was done, and I had successfully been transferred back to my bed, I was able to relax a little more.

"Are you in pain?" Dave asked, watching as I shifted around, trying to find a comfortable spot on the hard bed.

I nodded,and within moments he was up and administering another dose of pain relievers in the tube sticking out of my arm.

"Thanks D," I mumbled, sleepily, bunking down, and snuggling into Shawn's side to try and stay warm.

"Here, this should help," I heard Dave say, before something extra soft and warm was placed over me. It felt like an electric blanket.

I hummed, finally content, letting myself drift off.

The next few days were okay, well, in between the hourly vitals checks done by the nurses and the daily dressing changes, and not to mention Dave and Connor forcing me to start walking around, something which I grumbled at them about for a solid half hour after the fact.

Finally, five full days after the operation Dave declared that I could go home on the condition that I promised to take it easy, and rest. After making me swear to it three times, he let Shawn remove my I.V. and help me into a wheelchair for the ride out to the car.

The drive home was quiet,Dave letting me rest my head on him as Shawn drove.

When we got home, they helped me up the stairs, all but ordering me to bed, persuading me by promising that we could eat pizza and watch crappy C grade chick-flicks all night.

As I fell asleep to the rise and fall of Shawn's chest, I found myself thinking just how lucky I really was. Lucky that I was alive, and lucky I had the guys to call family.

Reaching up, I pecked Shawn on the check, him leaning down and kissing back. "What was that for?" he asked, a soft smile gracing his face.

"Love you is all," I sighed, resting my head back on his chest, and letting the world fade out. 

[ship-trek]

Welcome! A little bit about myself, my f/os, and my dni below! I’m also happy to do short requests, and the rules for that are below too.

Also, if my anons/asks/dms are ever off, don't hesitate to let me know! It's probably on accident.

(Shameless self promo here)

I also have a Carrd! It's very ugly but has a more detailed f/o list as well as some information on my s/is.

If I’ve reblogged something from you and used the wrong pronouns, please let me know and I’ll correct it. I am comically bad with names and pronouns - it’s not an act of malice, it’s an act of dumbassery, I promise.

Right now, both the carrd and this list are out of date. Expect a revamp soon eventually

About me:

I’m going by Kestrel right now, but that’s a pseudonym (both for privacy’s sake and for Gender reasons) so that may change. I’m over 18 but under 21, nonbinary (???), and I use they/them pronouns. You can call me Kes as a nickname if you’d like.

All interaction comes from my main blog.

Although I've been self shipping for a long time, I’m very new to the self shipping community, so I’d love to make some friends! I don’t know how active I’ll be, though, on account of very low spoons and a busy schedule.

I am incredibly forgetful and wildly inconsistent on tagging, though I do try to tag consistently for major triggers. If I’ve missed something or you need something specific tagged, let me know! No trigger is too weird to tag for.

I do sometimes go on anon, with and without linking this blog, but I never send hate.

My f/os, interests, and tags:

My romantic f/o is Kira Nerys (Star Trek: Deep Space 9), tag tbd.

(I have only seen season one so far so no spoilers please, and for anyone who isn’t familiar with Star Trek, she’s a Bajoran (alien species) and follows their naming conventions. Kira is her family name, Nerys is her given name. Her formal title is Major Kira, but I usually call her Nerys.)

My platonic f/os are:

Callie (Nothing Special), tag tbd,

Declan (Nothing Special), tag tbd,

Radish (Nothing Special), tag is "you're my favorite salad",

Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby (Scooby Doo), tag is “if it weren’t for you meddling kids”,

Spock (Star Trek: The Original Series), tag is “thrah t’nash-veh eh thrah t’du”,

Uhura (Star Trek: The Original Series), tag tbd,

Worf (Star Trek: The Next Generation), tag tbd, 

Tasha Yar (Star Trek: The Next Generation), tag is "my space sister in arms",

and Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space 9), tag tbd,

though sometimes the other characters from those shows make appearances.

(Side note about Tasha: yes, I know what happened to her in canon. Some of my interactions with her choose to acknowledge this and some of them do not. This is a massive continuity error and I am okay with that. The tag for posts that ignore canon is "canon: i pretend i do not see it" and the tag for posts that are canon compliant is tbd.)

My familial f/o is Bones (Star Trek: The Original Series), tag is "my grumpy space dad".

If you can’t tell, I’m into Star Trek! I’m also into Minecraft, Scooby-doo, and Dungeons and Dragons, and I’m getting into Legend of Zelda and a3!. I’m also into a lot of webcomics!

I should be totally fine sharing both romantic and platonic f/os, but I do get a little jealous sometimes (I'm working on it), so I ask that people with Nerys as a romantic f/o don't gush about her directly to me. I also may take a little longer to respond to asks/messages/etc about Spock, though you can still send them! But regardless of what f/os we do or don't share, you're welcome to interact.

I also block all Spamton-related tags. You’re welcome to follow if you ship with him but if I don’t interact with your Spamton-related posts, that’s why! It’s nothing personal, I promise.

Tags are a work in progress, and until I figure them out everything will be tagged as “[character] tag tbd”

Other tags of note: 

“kes cries” - vent posts

“kestrel go to bed challenge” - posts that seem like a good idea at 2:30 am

“kes speaks” - exactly what it sounds like

“kes goes on anon” - reblogs of anonymous asks I sent

“kestrel’s sideblog struggles” - things that should be a reply, but this is a sideblog so I have to reblog them instead

Do Not Interact:

If you are racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, a nazi, alt-right, pedophile etc.

If you’re a terf, swerf, acephobe, biphobe, panphobe, or exclusionist, or you don’t think non-binary people exist

If you are a NSFW-focused account or do not tag your nsfw.

If you’re a sfw kink-based blog (e.g. agere as a coping mechanism is welcome, agere as kink is not, even if both blogs are sfw)

If you’re just here to spread hate or start discourse (it isn’t going to work)

If you age down s/i characters or age up minor characters to ship yourself romantically with them

Just generally think about who you’re speaking to and use common sense.

If you ship something I don’t want to be exposed to, I’m going to block you. This is nothing personal, I’m just looking out for my mental health. If you don’t want to see the content I’m creating, I invite you to do the same.

Requests:

Thanks for making it this far! (Or maybe you just scrolled all the way down to the end and didn’t read any of it. Either way, I’m glad you’re here!)

I make no guarantees of quality or timelines, but I’m happy to write short letters or imagines (think a paragraph or two, unless I get really inspired) for you and your f/os!

Rules:

One ask at a time, please. Wait for me to get to yours before asking for another one.

Be patient! Having the spoons to research and write for a new character is a rarity for me. These may take a long time. You have been warned.

I will write for villains, but I won’t write things that condone their morally wrong actions.

I will not write anything NSFW.

I won't write romantic letters for Spock or Nerys (sorry!)

I reserve the right to refuse any request for any reason. Hopefully this never comes up.

What to send in your ask:

Please specify the character and the source material, and be as specific as you can. If you have any headcanons about them, please add those too. Any information that helps me get to know your f/o better will help my writing to be more in character!

Please include whether this is a romantic, familial, or platonic f/o!

Please specify whether you want an imagine or a letter. If you want an imagine, a prompt would be great. If you want a letter, I’d appreciate some notes on the tone you want the letter to be in.

If you send the ask anonymously and want me to @ your self shipping blog, let me know and include the blog!

As I said, I make no promises of quality or timeliness. Remember, your f/os love you very much!

[earlgreytea68]

Maybe it's bc I'm from a country whose gov wiretapped innocent people they saw as their enemies but I can't believe people PAY MONEY to get spied on so they what? Don't have to press a button?! I'm not angry or anything just absolutely baffled at how many people ACTIVELY choose this dystopian nightmare shit. Things are bad enough already so I just wonder how both those things (anger about fb&owning alexa) fit together. Not attacking you, just genuinely wondering about the thought process (1/2)

Valid question! Here’s my thought process:

First, the Facebook thing is actually less about the collection and sale of my data than...a really, really long tortured relationship with Facebook that needs to end now. Not that I agree with the collection and sale of my data! Because I don’t! But you should know my long history, because I think it explains my thought process. 

I registered for Facebook early, when you still had to have an edu email address. I thought I had it locked down, private, friends-only. Then, a few years later, my boss walks into my office and closes my door and gives me a talking-to about “inappropriate Facebook posts.” To be clear, I was never a person, like, posting topless photos on Facebook or something, nor was I complaining about my boss really. It was more like, “Ugh, I have to work all weekend, sorry I can’t go to this party!” And she was like, “THAT IS PRIVILEGED INFORMATION THAT YOU WORKED ALL WEEKEND.” And I was like, ...how are you even seeing my Facebook, you’re not my friend? So (a) I was spooked, because when your boss yells at you because of Facebook, it’s terrifying, and (b) I was completely bewildered that she could even see my Facebook. Upon investigation, it turned out that at the time (and this was a decade ago), if you put down where you work, EVERYONE who also put that place down could see your Facebook, even if they weren’t your friend and your Facebook was friends-only. (I think Facebook has changed that policy now.)

So, terrified, I deleted my Facebook. But this was back when not having a Facebook caused this whole public outcry thing and my friends freaked out and so I gave in and re-started a Facebook, posting very little because I was terrified. But I still used it. Until I got depressed and started therapy. My therapist told me to keep a stress journal, where I wrote down whenever I felt a spike of stress, and going on Facebook consistently showed up in the journal as a source of stress. So, upon my therapist’s suggestion, I stopped going on Facebook. I still kept it instead of deleting it because I didn’t want people to freak out the way they did the first time, but I stopped using it. 

Fast-forward many years, and in January of this year, I tried to open a Facebook for the psuedonym I use for novels. Facebook immediately flagged me as suspicious and asked me to prove I was me by uploading a photo. And I was kind of like, ....Why do you need my photo? What’s that going to prove? All I can assume is that, of course, they have a database of what we all look like. How they know I’m not just grabbing  a random photo of the person I’m trying to impersonate off the internet is another question entirely. But I was like, Fine, whatever, I don’t feel like fighting with you, Facebook, so I gave up on having a pseudonym page. 

And then I started thinking: Why did I still have a Facebook? I never go on Facebook. All the stuff had happened with the election, so it wasn’t like people would freak out anymore if I deleted it, they’d totally get it. And I kind of no longer wanted to give Facebook bragging rights about how many users it has by counting me when I don’t actually use it. And Zuckerberg’s attitude seemed to be that if you didn’t like Facebook, you shouldn’t use Facebook. I COMPLETELY disagree with this sentiment on his part because I think it completely ignores how many people can’t opt out of Facebook at this point, but luckily, I can opt out of Facebook. 

...Or so I thought. 

Except that I requested deletion of my Facebook, and they confirmed deletion and said I was scheduled for deletion within two weeks, and then...just never deleted my Facebook. Which I only know because they keep sending me emails about me being tagged and people sending me messages (even though I also keep requesting to be unsubscribed from those emails). (And also my friends still on Facebook confirm for me that I’m still on there.) I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to get in touch with Facebook but...you can’t. It’s impossible. Try not being on Facebook and finding ANY contact information for Facebook other than a paper mailing address. If you find the contact info, please let me know!!! They have zero available email addresses, they don’t respond to their Twitter, and the phone number that circulates online is a dangerous scam stealing your social security numbers (which Facebook knows and warns you about but still doesn’t provide you with any way to contact them). 

So my anger with Facebook isn’t just about gathering and selling my data, it’s the culmination of years of mistrust and knowing it’s not healthy for me in general and then BEING DENIED MY RIGHT TO DELETE IT AND BEING RENDERED COMPLETELY POWERLESS. Like, the longer this has gone on, and the longer I have realized that there is literally nothing I can do to get Facebook to delete my account, the angrier and angrier I have gotten. 

So. That’s Facebook. As for the Alexa, well. You’re right. It sits in my house and is probably recording everything that happens in the house. Which is...basically nothing. I’m only home a few waking hours a day because I work full-time. I travel most weekends, so I’m not there on the weekends. I live alone, so I don’t talk much in my house. I have people over maybe two or three times a year, and then I can unplug the Alexa and stick it out in the garage and I feel relatively okay about that???? I might be kidding myself there, but, if worse comes to worst, I can throw the Alexa out entirely, and I think I’m okay. So I feel mostly in control of Alexa and its eavesdropping on me. 

I worry more about the fact that I’m supporting Amazon in the first place, since I disagree with most of Amazon’s policies. I feel really guilty about that and do want to extract myself from the Amazon dependency I developed. My only shopping option in my town was Wal-Mart, and at the time when I moved there a few years ago I thought it was better to support Amazon than Wal-Mart. Now I’m not so sure about that (although I guess the lesson I’ve been learning is that there is no company I really want to give my money to). 

I also worry more about the fact that I have a smartphone than an Alexa. I was very, very late to adopt a smartphone--years and years after everyone else had them--because I was very wary of them. I’m used to them now, but I don’t like how much information the smartphone has on me. I’ve given up a little bit, because I just...did. But the information the Alexa has is tiny compared to how much my phone has. And we all know that we have our suspicions that the phones are listening to us the whole time. And I *do* talk on the phone. I don’t talk much in my house, but my phone is the device I use to talk on (I talk a lot while walking around the neighborhood, waiting between classes at work, etc.). So the phone is getting every conversation I have, not the Alexa. 

All that said: I don’t know that I can completely disconnect now. I shouldn’t have a smartphone, or a Twitter, or a Tumblr, but I decided that at a certain point what I’m really going to strive to do is be conscious about this technology and work to shape it in better ways. Is this naive and idealistic of me? Yes. Undoubtedly. I have nothing I can say to defend myself on that point. I absolutely should just unplug...but that’s difficult to do, and I do feel like (as the EU is trying here) there are ways to make this technology less dangerous. 

Anyway. That’s my thought process. I think we all make the decisions we feel fit what we’ve considered. I don’t care much for Facebook, so it’s easy for me to disconnect (well, it would be if Facebook would let me, which is part of my major Facebook problem). I find Alexa useful and because I don’t do much around it and it’s connected to less stuff than my cell phone to begin with, it doesn’t bother me as much, and I feel like I can change my mind and get rid of it fairly easily. Of course, I could be wrong about that. I always thought I could delete my Facebook at any time, too.  

Everyone might get done reading this and think, Wow, EGT is an absurd human being who makes zero sense. That is a completely true statement.