#although i know its 1pm

[istillbleed]

hi i miss you guys 🥺

[urprettylittlething]

In The Shadows

Purge Alternate Universe

Yandere - Gojo Satoru x Reader x Geto Suguru

A/N - Okayyyy I've been working on this for like a week and it's the longest I've ever written for one thing, I had a shoulder injury which is mostly healed up now during the week which hindered my progress a little because I originally really wanted this to get out nearer Halloween time, but oh well TT at least its here now right? Lmao, but I hope you guys enjoy it, I tried my best and lowkey kind of hate it, I wished I could've done more or something, but if you have any ideas around this for a possible part 2 let me knoww, although no promises ;) Consider this a massive thank you story, I now have over 100 followers and the likes and reblogs and comments, you guys, I'm crying, I love you all so much <333333 I love interacting with you guys and your comments on my stories or in my inbox <3333 you all make my day ilysm <3 :( AND IM SORRY I COULDNT HELP IT, they're kind of really mean so its more harsh yandere than the soft you all wanted :( I couldn't help myself its a purge AU TT, but I promise ill make something softer in the future <33 sorry this is so long omfg, but let me know your thoughts pretty please &lt;3 and if you actually read all of this ily

summary - Another purge night is here and you think your safe and sound, but let your guard down and you'll find yourself bound.

warnings - purge, mentions of 'off screen' murder, actual 'off screen' murder, kind of gore but reader doesn't see it, blood, rope, reader gets tied up, gags?, tape over readers mouth, they're actually kind of really mean lol, especially Geto, descriptions of panic, anxiety, overthinking, stalker situation kind of, swearing, crying, brief hair pulling, if there's any more let me know ml <3

genre - Oneshot

wc - 7.2k

~spelling and grammar fixed already~

Edit - the top photo 6/11/23

The tip tapping of fingers on keys echoed around the silent room. The occasional footfalls of people around her walking up and down. Picking up books to further aid their studying would slip past the music playing in her ears when they were loud enough.

Every time she would hear someone being a little too loud for the library they were in she would glance up and shoot a half-hearted glare their way.

They’d never see her but it was the thought that counted. A barely audible sigh escapes her as she brings a hand up to massage her cold fingertips into the throbbing skin at her temple. 

Nervous nibbling was occupying her teeth and lips, chewing away the flesh and creating tender spots her tongue would soon soothe. 

She’d been staring at the same empty document for two hours now. No more than two sentences she was able to come up with before she’d erase them in a fit of frustration.

Abandoned textbooks lay closed behind her laptop, she’d deemed them no use around thirty minutes in, but she couldn't bring herself to get up and search for better ones. 

She was antsy, not able to focus on her assignment due in a week's time. Her brain was all fogged up, too many thoughts going through her mind and yet she's not able to focus on a single one.

The purge was tonight. March 21st. And it was currently 1pm. 

Why did she even bother to come to the library in the first place? Was she hoping to distract herself even just a little bit before she had to hunker herself down in her dorm for twelve hours? 

Maybe. Yes.

Was it working? Absolutely not.

She was too skittish. Overthinking everything that had the potential of happening later and things that have previously happened. 

‘Someone's not going to come and try to kill me just because I forgot to return their pen that one time, right?’ 

The amusing, albeit a little dark, thought did make the corner of her lips twitch just the smallest amount. 

Taking off her headphones after stopping her music, she closes down her laptop and starts to move it into her bag. 

She spares a quick glance around the few tables next to hers as she stands with the library's books in her arms. Her eyes locked with a man sitting roughly two tables down. Slumped back in his seat.

Gojo Satoru. Bright white and fluffy hair paired with a set of dazzling blue eyes. The ones currently peeking over the tops of his round shades that had slid down his nose as he tucked his head down slightly. 

Sitting in front of him and abstracting her view of Gojo only slightly is who she assumed was Geto Suguru. Two peas in a pod and never seen without the other. The long black and silky strands of hair tied up in a half up bun was a giveaway to who he was as well.

Both of them were originally from Tokyo, Japan. Coming over to America over five years ago. Or at least that's what she’s heard from around the place, not knowing them personally. They were the most popular boys in school when she had joined a little over a year ago and they still held the title strong.

She doesn’t think she's ever really interacted with them. At Least not on any kind of personal level. Sure, maybe from a few friends of friends or passing each other in the hallway and being polite to her upperclassmen, but nothing all that memorable. 

Which is why this prolonged eye contact is sending a very noticeable shiver down her spine. The smallest twitch of a smirk on his face and she was breaking eye contact, gulping down the pooled saliva in her mouth as she turned around and hastily made her way in between the towering bookshelves.

Leaving the library after stacking the books she’d previously taken back on the shelves, she hastily makes her way down the long corridors. Keeping her head down, her hands clutched tight on the strap of her bag. She passes very few people in the hallway.

Even after pushing through the doors and trekking her way to the dorms at the end of the path, there were very few people loitering around outside. Some of the people she passed looked like they could be stoned, not that she could really blame them. Some looked a little too relaxed and happy and some were just trying to get to their destination as quickly as possible. Like her.

As the doors came into view, and then the stairs, she slowly began to relax, her fast pace lessening up. Successfully getting to the safest place she could for when the purge would start. 

It was also a massive relief that her two good friends would be staying with her during the twelve hours of horror. Last time she was by herself there had been multiple scares throughout the night. Nothing too big but something she didn’t think she could handle alone again. 

Reaching her door on the third floor she fiddles with her keys for a few seconds before her door clicks open and she pushes her way inside. Closing the door and locking it again for good measure. 

It was 1:43 pm.

A few minutes after she had arrived back at her dorm did she realize she still needed to pick up some food items. Being a broke student meant she had essentially nothing in her cupboards or her fridge. And if she was ‘hosting for the purge’ this year, it meant she had to stock up at least a little bit. 

‘Imagine trying to hide from a killer and your stomach growls, I think I would just die on the spot.’ She thinks, the smallest smile gracing her face. Humour is usually her way to cope in situations like these. It’s either that or panicking and she’d rather try to save that for the main event.

With a heavy sigh and hesitation weighing her limbs down, she slowly puts her shoes and jacket back on. She can make this quick. In and out. Easy peasy. 

With a quick jump while shaking her limbs out to get rid of her last minute hesitation, she quickly opens her door and steps out before shutting it behind her. No going back now. Locking the door behind her, she starts making her way back down the stairs and out the doors, walking in the direction of the food store. 

Her nerves were still playing up though, eyes darting this way and that as if trying to find a reason for her to panic. ‘It’s okay, the purge hasn’t started yet, all those things are still illegal.’ Is what she keeps telling herself while taking a deep breath. But the fact they won’t be in a few hours was still cause for some panic. 

Arriving at the store, she wizzes around, collecting any good looking snack and throwing it in her basket before hastily paying and leaving. The heavy plastic carrier bag hanging from her fingers gave her reason to think she went a bit overboard. 

Her quickened steps and accelerated breathing were all she could hear for a while. Her walk back to her dorm was supposed to be a quiet one, less and less people were loitering around meaning less and less noises to distract her. 

Especially from the new set of footsteps that have appeared behind her.

As soon as her mind clocked the extra set of footsteps there, it went into overdrive. ‘Who is that? Are they following me? No, you're being delusional, they're just trying to get back home. But are they? They just appeared out of nowhere. Are they going to try and kidnap me? Rape me? Stuff me in a van? Drag me down a dark alleyway and murder me?’

Her mind was racing, steps quickening and breathing silenced under the new threat. ‘Oh god, what if they’re stalking me? Waiting until the purge starts to come and slaughter me? They’re going to kill me. They’re going to kill me. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?’

And then they were gone. 

It barely registered in her mind that the fast paced footsteps from behind her had vanished. A sharp breath escaped her before her head whipped around on a desperate whim. No one. Not a soul on the path behind her. 

Her shoulders sank with relief and a watery laugh broke free from her trembling lips. ‘I’m losing my mind.’ She thought. Even though that feeling in her gut had faded, it never fully disappeared. Her racing heart never slowed and neither did her footsteps. 

Y/n hurried back to her dorm, almost running through the doors and up the stairs to fumble with her keys and quickly burst in. Double checking she locked the door behind her, and then checking every other lock on her third story apartment. Only when she had made sure they were all secure could she finally relax. 

Her body shivering and hands shaking from the after effects of adrenaline. Her breathing is still a little shaky as she pulls a bunch of pillows and blankets into her tiny living room. Pushing her chair and sofa away to make more space as she lays everything out as neat as she could, making the floor a comfy space for her and her two friends to crash for the purge. 

She empties the snacks from out of the plastic bag and piles them in a nice little corner near the TV. A small stack of movies there for when they’re all waiting for the purge to start. Some cards in a pack were also placed there. 

The three of them are wanting to be as quiet as possible while the purge is going on. Everything locked, curtains drawn, lights off, TV with no volume and only subtitles, quiet games to play in case they got bored, etc. 

They weren’t taking any chances. It was doubtful anything would happen, since nothing really ever did in the dorms. No student here would go as far as murdering somebody, everyone mostly stayed inside, not wanting to risk anything. She only knew of a few people that have snuck out before to rob a few stores, or do some petty revenge like smashing someone's car without getting into trouble.

But overall, it was best to remain quiet. They didn’t want to get murdered because the TV was turned up too loudly and attracted some wrong attention. 

It was 5:15 pm.

This is the time her friends arrived. Knocking some made up code on the slab of wood before messaging just for good measure that it was really them outside. 

After unlocking the door and letting her two good friends inside her dorm she swiftly closes and locks it again. Relieved greetings transpire as well as nervous whispers about the purge and some small gossip of who they think would actually go out this year and who are likely to stay inside. 

The three of them start to make their way around her dorm, closing all the curtains and double checking the locks on all the windows and doors. Especially the balcony and front door. 

After they’ve secured the apartment, they turn off all the necessary lights, flicking on a few electrical lanterns and setting them up around the living room, but away from the windows. They’ve left one lantern in the bathroom and one in her bedroom, both turned off, just in case of emergencies.  

The three of them settle in a spread out pile on the blankets she put down in the living room. Some snacks are passed around already and a movie is slotted into the TV, playing as background noise mostly while they talk.

Erica, a sassy but kind of dumb girl, with choppy shoulder length hair that had been bleached and dyed a light green. She's donned in a crop top and sweatpants, comfy.

Don, a friendly giant, very kind in nature but also a little muscly. He has short black hair and a sculpted jawline. He also came in sweatpants and a baggy white T-shirt, also comfy.

Her two very good, and only, friends here. They’re in a few of her classes and all regularly hang out together. 

“So,” Erica begins after her mouthful of powdered donut. “Who do you think is going to actually purge tonight? Like, actually actually. My moneys on them two hotties in my class.” She finishes, wiggling her eyebrows..

Don hums around his half empty soda can. “Yeah, honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they did.”

Y/n pipes up, “Wait who?” sitting up against the sofa behind her, getting comfy like she's about to hear the gossip of a lifetime.

“Oh, Em, G! You haven’t heard of it? You’ve seriously been, like, living under a rock or something.” Erica says jokingly. Picking apart pieces of her donut and eating them. 

Don perks up too. “Really? You haven't?” Y/n shakes her head in denial as Don shrugs. “I get it, it’s mostly stayed in our class, hasn’t spread much further than that.” He says before crawling forward and rummaging around for more snacks.

“So get a load of this right!” Erica sits up too after finishing her donut. Waving her hands excitedly as she tells her latest gossip. “You know them two really hot upperclassmen right?” She draws out her ‘really’ and waits patiently at the end of her sentence for the other girl's confirmation. 

When she nods in slight confusion, Erica continues, “There were some major rumours in class that the two of them were late this one day because they were beating someone up. And I don't mean like a few slaps or hair pulling, I mean punches. You know?”

Y/n nods again, this time with furrowed brows and Erica continues, “At first, I didn’t believe it, obviously. But then, the two of them came into class and I swear there were blood stains on their clothes. Blood stains! Not to mention all the plasters and bandages all over their hands! I just had to believe it then! Wouldn’t you?”

After the end of her long rant she slumps back against the front of the sofa and mumbles incoherently to herself shaking her head while pouting.

Don, who had been listening silently, pipes up, “It was true, I was actually there for once.”

Y/n’s eyebrows raise in disbelief at what she had just heard. Fighting, here? She couldn’t help but to doubt it, if only just a little. Stuff like that has never happened here. Or at least while she had been here. It was just unheard of.

And for an attack so vicious to result in blood being drawn, then there must have been somewhat of a good reason for it. That was the conclusion she came to.

“I mean, there had to have been a good reason for it.” Y/n says, “They’re pretty nice people aren't they? It is Gojo and Geto were talking about here, right? They’re really popular here too.” Her eyes darted between her two friends, looking for more answers on this unexpected juicy gossip.

Erica sighs wistfully, “No, it got shut down pretty quick, which I guess is why so little people have heard about it. God, would I pay to see them fight though. Their muscles must have looked amazing.” 

They stop talking about it after that, Don getting distracted by the snacks and whining about how she didn’t get his favourite. Erica smacking him with a few pillows and complaining how he’s getting in the way of her movie she was barely even watching. 

Their playful banter did little to distract from her inner turmoil. A small shiver went down her spine again. The memory from earlier in the library resurfacing in her mind. Gojo staring her down, the creepy walk back from the shops and now learning the two had at the very least helped in injuring someone.

It could just be because it was purge day, but everything was beginning to creep her out and she was overthinking again. ‘What if he wants to attack me next? What if all of those things were connected and someone really was following me home? What if he wants to kill me? What if both of them want to kill me? Have I ever done anything to offend them? I haven’t, have I?’ She knew these were far fetched and ridiculous, but she couldn’t help but think of them anyway.

Her spiralling thoughts were halted when a stray pillow smacked her in the face. “Oops, haha, sorry.” Erica sheepishly apologized, bringing her hand up to smooth down Y/n’s ruffled hair. Don was laughing in the background.  

Y/n was stunned for a few seconds before replying, “Oh, don’t worry. How about we put something else on? This movie is kind of boring.” crawling across the piles of pillows and blankets to reach the stack of movies.

This caught the other two’s attention, eagerly rushing to the stack as well to try and get first pick. Arguing for a few more minutes before settling on a movie they all loved. Snuggling back into their original positions.

This was how the next few hours went before the announcement appeared.

It was 6:59 pm.

At exactly 7 on the dot, the TV went black before turning blue, the government announcing the commencement of the purge. Big bold letters and ‘Emergency Broadcast System’ and ‘This is not a test’ were displayed on the screen.

They were all quiet as it played out. The mood quickly turned sombre.

“Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted.”

Don gulped.

“Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed.”

Erica huffed.

“Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours.” 

Y/n shivered.

“Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7 am when The Purge concludes.”

She released a shaky breath. The announcement ends with “...A nation reborn.” before stopping. The screen turned black again.

No one moves or says anything. Each of them were frozen in an array of emotions. Fear being the most prominent. 

The silence stretched on for minutes. Eerie in its wake, not even being able to hear other people in their dorm rooms like she normally would.

Eventually, after releasing another shaky breath and rearranging herself with trembling limbs, they all snap back into the present. 

Don coughs and Erica shuffles awkwardly. 

“Cards, anyone?” Y/n meekly speaks up. The other two nod as they sit in a small circle. 

It was 7:36 pm.

This was when the first explosion of some kind was heard by them. Each of them froze in the middle of playing their mostly silent game of cards. The noise was distant, but the impact remained.

A scream from a few doors down echoed in the silent space.

They waited with baited breath for any follow up, but when nothing happened, they slowly relaxed. Each of them assumed it was the explosion that must have scared someone. Sometimes it’s better to think of the positive, rather than what that scream could have been for.

A few minutes later a siren bellows in the distance, a few car alarms wail.

Nothing too bad, but knowing that it could mean someone was being murdered out there didn’t give them any ease.

It was 8:02 pm. 

This is when the banging starts. Y/n thinks it could be a few doors down again. Erica thinks it’s below them and Don thinks it’s above them. 

Wherever it was, it was concerning. 

Erica releases a small nervous chuckle. “Maybe someone is just having a good time?” A fake smile plastered on her face to try and mask her worry. Even she didn’t believe her little theory. Not during a time like this, during The Purge.

It was a few minutes later, after they had quietly resumed their game, that footsteps were heard.

Clacking down the hallway. 

1, 2.

1, 2. 

1, 2. 

1, 2. 

They were walking at a leisurely pace. Taking their time. Strolling down the hallway and getting closer and closer.

All three of them looked towards the door, as if someone were to burst in at any moment.

The footsteps slow before coming to a stop. Right outside her door.

The three of them hold their breath, bodies flinching when a light knock rings out into the open space.

Complete silence.

Another knock.

None of them had even noticed the earlier noises had stopped, too focused on the potential threat now right outside the door. Seemingly wanting someone to open up.

Three pairs of eyes dart between each other. Silent questions trying to push their way out without being heard. A few panicked half shrugs and furrowed brows with downturned lips later, another knock rings out.

This time it was a little louder.

Barely audible whisperings of ‘you go’, ‘no you’, ‘fuck no’, ‘who even is it?’ cut through the silence. No one wanted to ask the question. To even speak a hint of it lest it result in it coming true.

Eventually after a solid minute of panicked, almost silent, squabbling later. A frustrated and frightened Erica pushed herself up. Taking a very obvious deep breath. Eyes closed and silently mumbling to herself before taking a few steps over to the front door.

She tried to be as quiet as she could but each step sounded like it weighed a ton. Every creek and every wobble made to sound the loudest. 

Very quietly bracing her hands upon the door, she leant up on her tiptoes. Peeking into the peephole positioned in the centre of the door.

The two left in the pile of blankets still. Not wanting to even breathe in fear of disturbing whatever was happening in front of them.

A sudden screech of pure panic and fear tore from Erica’s throat. Flailing before landing with a harsh thud on the floor beneath her. Scrambling backwards on her hands and feet, keeping her eyes on the door the entire time.

The two startle and immediately jump up, laboured breathing hindering their lungs from the sudden scare.

“What the fuck? Erica what happened? What was that?” Don frantically whispered. His eyes were also locked on the door. 

Y/n also whispered to her, “Who was that? Erica?” her eyes locked onto her friend, not able to bring herself to look at the door yet.

“It was.. Oh god.. The peep..” Erica wheezed out. The fright took too much out of her with her frantic gasps for air.

A sudden bang echoed into the room. A few more followed before they all realized it was coming from the front door. 

Erica screeched and threw herself back into a standing position, rushing for the kitchen and grabbing any sharp knife her eyes first laid on.

Don stood frozen in fear. Not able to move or barely breathe from the looks of it.

Y/n wasn’t any better herself. Downright terrified. This was her dorm. Her dorm. Which means whoever was outside, was looking for her.

The banging persisted, the person on the other side seemingly determined to get in. This proved correct when the handle started turning whichever way it could. 

She didn’t even realize, terror clouding her senses because when she looked back to her two friends, Don had collapsed into himself, wheezing with little air entering his lungs amidst his panic. Erica was cornered in the kitchen, sobbing, tears flooding her cheeks and ruining her mascara she had in place.

The persistent banging stopped for a second. The faint sound of another pair of footsteps approached from the hallway outside. Muffled talking pursued but it was hard to make anything out, between her pounding heart, Erica’s sobs and the slab of wood in the way, didn’t make for easy hearing.

For Y/n, it seemed there was one second of complete silence. No sobbing, no voices, no distant alarms or explosions, no racing heart, no wheezing lungs. Before chaos sprung onto them.

Suddenly the people outside, because there was another person now, resumed banging on the door. But it didn’t seem like they were ‘just knocking’ anymore. No.

They were trying to break the door down. 

She could see it from the way the door groaned and creaked under the relentless kicking. She couldn't quite tell if they were using their feet, or an object, or whatever. 

All that mattered was that they were trying to get in. And they were going to succeed.

“Move! Hide! We need to hide!” She whisper-yelled. Rushing to Don and tugging on his arm to try and get him to move. He stared at her for a few seconds before his brain caught up, registering what was happening around him. The real danger he was in right now.

“Hide.. Oh god..” He panted, sprinting for the bathroom, the first place his eyes had landed on.

With Don now searching for a place to hide, she ran her way to Erica. Still trying to be as quiet as she could, in the little hopes that they would think she wasn’t here.

“Erica, we need to hide! They’re getting in!” She frantically whispered to her hyperventilating friend. Trying to shake her shoulders, even resorting to lightly slapping her face to try and get her attention. She was desperate.

“Please!” The sound of splintering caught both of their attention. Heads whipping towards the door starting to cave. She wasn’t all that surprised, that slab of wood was a shitty excuse for a door anyway.

Erica suddenly sprung up and dove for the piles of blankets in the living room. Trying to bury herself amongst them, taking the knife with her.

And now that all her friends had been taken care of, she ran for her bedroom. Trying her best not to stumble and fall in the dark hallway. 

As soon as her door came into sight, she gently opened it, gunning for her wardrobe tucked into the corner of the room. Not even looking towards the turned off lantern, she didn’t need them knowing her hiding spot from something so obvious. 

It was already messy anyway, so in her frazzled brain she didn’t bother caring where she tossed piles of clothes and shoes in her room.. They’d hopefully think it was like that in the first place.

After quickly clearing a space big enough for her to curl into, she did just that. Situating herself just right, back pressed against the side of the wardrobe, knees tucked to her chest and pressed against the boxes in front of her. She was sitting on old shirts she hadn’t seen for months.

Hearing the door breaking even further, she grabbed any clothes within her reach and threw them over herself. Shutting the door when she was mostly covered, she could have sworn she could hear laughter coming from the hallway.

A loud crash and splintering tore through the air. She knew it was her front door. And now they were inside. 

Her hands slowly went up to cup around her mouth, trying to muffle her breathing as much as she could. Her body froze. Even when she already began to feel muscle cramps settling in, she dared not move. She forced herself to breathe slowly. Every inhale a struggle along with a reminder that she was still alive at this very moment. Even if she was convinced she wouldn’t be for much longer. 

The thought brought tears to her eyes. The original shock wears from her body and settles into something akin to despair. 

Her throat started clamping up, muscles seizing and throbbing with the need to cry. 

It was the thudding of footsteps that shook her out of it. Snapping her half way back into a nightmarish reality. 

She gulped. Closing her eyes and straining her ears for any information they were willing to receive.

Just as she thought. Two pairs of footsteps. 

With every thud of a shoe or a spike in their muffled talking, her body would tremble. 

It remained like this for a few more minutes. The footsteps or talking occasionally pausing. 

It was during one of these silences, where a different sound was heard. She couldn’t identify the exact sounds, just ones of commotion. They were still all muffled. And then she heard muffled yelling. 

It sounded so dulled, between the walls and layers of wood and clothes, she could barely make out anything, her ears straining for any hint as to what was happening. Being left in the dark like this, literally and figuratively, was terrifying her. 

And then this horrible, awful noise carried its way between the cracks in the wardrobe. Crunching. Cracking. Stomps. 

That muffled yelling from before kept getting cut off. Eventually dwindling down into a barely audible groan. Those thuds never seemed to stop either. Never ending, crunching, cracking, and now wet thuds. 

Her brain was trying its hardest to process, to catch up with the information that it has been provided with. 

More footsteps, only one pair, accompanied with muffled laughter. And a more distinct sound traveling through the air. 

A scream.

Even more laughter, hurried footsteps and pleas of ‘no’, ‘please’, ‘don’ts’. 

It was now, with the wet stomps still in the background, her screeching friend, that eager laugh, that her brain had finally caught up.

She was going to be sick.

They’re hurting them. Killing them.

Her friends.

Her body moved out of its own violation. Shaky hands and feet kicking and pushing their way out of the pile of clothes. Wardrobe door swinging open with a creak.

She collapsed out of it. Slumped on the floor, dry heaving. Her lungs not seeming to take enough air in but yet holding in too much. She couldn’t function. Fear overwhelmed every part of her. As well as grief. 

Her ears were ringing and she was left gasping, drool dripping onto the hard floor beneath her as a result of her attempted vomiting. Eyes wide open, blurry when she tapped back into her mind. 

Tears, clouding her vision and dripping audibly on the floorboards below her. 

In the distance she could hear muffled talking. Two men, she could make out more clearly. Not only that, but squelching, wet, gooey noises seemed to mingle in the air. Gurgling was the next before silence.

A minute passed, maybe two before the footsteps started up again. Those goddamn footsteps. 

1.. 2.

1.. 2.

1.. 2.

But they were slower than before. Steady. Taking their time. 

And getting closer.

Her instincts kick in, blinking profusely to try and clear her eyes from the tears, looking up and darting around before landing on the space under her bed.

She wouldn’t have enough time to fix her spot back in the wardrobe. She couldn’t run past them, not even in her best state which she certainly wasn’t in right now. She had considered her bedroom window as an option, but it was locked, which would take time to open. Not even mentioning the fact she was on the third floor, so jumping out would break at least something important. They would be quick to notice as well, and if they came for her, it was likely they would decide to chase her down.

Under her bed seemed to be her best option at the moment, and she was running out of time. Scrambling as quietly as she could, she slid herself directly under her bed, trying to center herself in the middle of it, tucking herself into a tight ball.

The footsteps stopped right outside her bedroom door, she had enough sense to shut it on her way in, thank god. But that clearly wouldn’t be enough to stop them. 

Almost as if the person was teasing her, they slowly clicked the door open. The distinct creak she had grown accustomed to over the months making itself known. 

Her muscles are tense, tightening in the presence of her predators. 

In the dark space from under her bed and in her room, it was obvious when the light from inside the hallway started spilling in the more the door got pushed open. In the vague depths of her mind it registered that they must’ve either turned the hall lights on, had taken one of her lanterns,  or were carrying one of their own.

Her lungs were burning with the effort to keep her body running with the little air she was allowing them to have, all for the sake of trying to keep quiet.

It was all too silent once again, only for a second or two before the second pair of footsteps came towards her. A lot more hasty compared to the other ones. 

Her breath silently hitched, the new person pushed their way into the room, stepping past their company before a thunk was heard. The sound forced her body to startle, jolting her muscles and kick starting her trembling again. An uncontrollable reaction to the fear she was under, the unrelenting motions causing a deep ache in her ribs.

The sound of rustling was now heard. It seemed they were looking for something. ‘They’re going to kill me. They’re digging around for a weapon to stab me with, to bash my head in, to murder me like they did my friends. I’m dead. I’m dead, I’mdeadI’mdeadI’mdead-’

Her racing thoughts consuming her fear riddled mind failed in picking up the sound of the other pair of footsteps slowly creeping round to the end of her bed. 

The person paused, silently crouching down low before a pair of hands reached under.

The sudden tight grip on her ankles followed up by the sudden pull had her screeching. Pure terror flooding her veins. She had been yanked out from under her bed, lying sprawled on the floor and gazing up at the towering man stationed above her. 

Her lungs burned, seizing up before a sickening scream escaped her. Fuelled by genuine, unrestrained horror. 

They had found her.

One of her lanterns they had brought in illuminated his face in a haunting light. The darkened shadows stretching and contorting behind him to create the most grim image for her mind to paint. Not that it was far off.

A foot standing on either side of her hips, straddling her if it wasn’t for his standing position. Hands nestled comfortably back in his trouser pockets now they had done the job of retrieving her. A comfortable looking long-sleeved shirt adorned his figure. Dark splatters starting from the bottom of his shoes and creeping their way up his legs, tapering off into a few spots that painted one of his cheeks.

An easy smile softly ingrained on his face, followed by gentle looking eyes peering down at her if it wasn’t for the malicious spiral she found herself paralyzed in. Dark locks of hair extended down his back, past where she could see from her position, with the top layers sectioned off and tied back into a bun.

His mouth opened and he spoke. “Well, well. Look what I’ve caught for us Satoru.”

Satoru. The other man must be Satoru Gojo, and this was Suguru. Suguru Geto. The most popular guys she knew, the supposedly kindest. And then staring in the library, the walk back from the shops, the gossip her most likely dead friend had told her.

Her body suddenly felt like it was pumped full of adrenaline. Pushing herself up as fast as she could, using the bed as support all the while stumbling over her numb riddled legs. She took off, running towards the open door she so desperately wanted to pass through. 

A sudden arm snatched her from around her waist and she screeched. Pure instinct driving her at this point as she scratched and kicked and flailed in his, Satoru Gojo’s, hold.

The sound of something dropping before his other arm came round, collecting both her wrists in one hand of his. His grip tightened the more she fought. Her body pressed tight against his, her back to his front. His head situated itself on her shoulder, tucking over and pressing his cheek to hers even while she cried and panted and kicked.

She could feel his grin pressing against the side of her face. “Such a pretty little thing we have here. Can’t let her get away so easily now, can we? Not after all the trouble we’ve gone through.” The last part practically whispered into her ear as she turned her face as far away as possible from him. 

A little laugh boasted out from Geto. “Of course not.” He strolled over to them, bending down to pick up what Gojo had dropped in order to restrain her.

Rope.

Fucking rope.

The moment her eyes zoned in and processed what Geto was unravelling in his hands she tried to fight back even harder. Eyes flooding with tears that spilled down her cheeks. Short mumblings of ‘no’ being repeated over and over while becoming louder until she was yelling. 

“Please don’t do this! Let me go! Please, please.. Stop!” She shrieked while sobbing, convinced they were going to kill her or torture her or something horrible like that.

Gojo walked the two of them to the edge of her bed before forcefully pushing her down, manhandling her onto her front and bending her arms to rest pressing against her back.  

She sobbed into her ruffled sheets as she felt Geto fastening the rope tight around her wrists, the rough material digging into and pinching the sensitive skin. Raw and red marks already forming amidst her struggle. 

Her legs still hung off the bed, trying their best to kick and hopefully injure one or both of them, but she knew it was a losing battle. None of her landing blows made them falter in any way.

When her wrists were successfully restrained Geto kept them pressed to the small of her back while Gojo let go and reached down to grab her ankles. Pulling them up and bending her legs at the knees while they both worked in finishing the task of tying her up.

When they finally stepped back to admire the work they’d successfully done, Y/n deflated. Tears soaking into her bed in which she rested on top of. Her lungs still burned, having never stopped. The hogtied position she had been forced into leaving her nothing to work with in terms of escaping. Not that she could think clearly anyway. The distress she was under proved too much.

“Oh, Shh Sh Sh… There, there, sweet thing. Settle down for us now. We aren’t going to kill you.” Cooed, who she could only guess right now was Gojo.

Geto reached forward from his position of kneeling on the bed, gentle soothing pets stroking her hair. Her sobbing tapering off into hiccupped breathing even while flinching with every touch. “There you go, good girl. See that wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

He pulled away from her, stepping down off the bed and heading towards the previously discarded bag on the floor Y/n hadn’t noticed before..

Y/n slowly turned her head round, no longer pressed into her sheets. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, swollen from all the crying she’d been doing. Little hiccups and groans left her while her lungs tried to recover. She’d given up struggling right now, it had done nothing but cause her pain as the rope dug and squeezed the skin of her wrists and ankles. 

Gojo piped up from behind her, only now feeling the heat from his legs pressing into hers causing her to flinch. “You know, this would’ve gone a whole lot easier if you had just let us in sweetheart.” She could practically hear the smug smile in his voice. “Look at where you are now, tied up all pretty for us. Ripe for the taking.” He pressed closer to her at that, voice practically dripping with need. 

She whined in fear and started squirming at his words. Panic flooding her senses again for just a second before a sharp tug to her hair had her yelping, halting her movements.

“I thought I told you to quit that.” Geto was back to kneeling on the bed in front of her, his hand gripping tight onto her hair, eyes narrowed. 

Her bottom lip trembled, breaths picking up with every second he glared down at her. 

“Don’t be so mean, Sugu.” Gojo said, a teasing lilt in his voice. 

Geto glanced back at him before humming and letting go of his harsh grip, her scalp burning in turn. “I suppose you’re right. She’ll have plenty of time to learn when we take her back home.”

Gojo hummed and she felt him leaning away from her, hearing him crouch down and fiddle with something from the bag as well. 

“Back home?..” She stuttered, voice hoarse and throat dry.

Geto looked back down at her, amusement painting his face. “Yes. Home.”

“Where..” She started, face formed in a twist of concern and confusion. “Please.. I.. Just let me go. I won’t- I won’t tell anyone, I’ll- I’ll leave you alone, I’ll do anything, please..” She gasped out, tears gathered freshly in her eyes again, voice cracking every few seconds. 

An amused eyebrow raised with the hint of a smirk at the corner of his mouth was all she got as a response. 

Gojo had come back, reaching round and fastening a strip of duct tape around her mouth in a sudden flurry of movement. Giving her no time to process what he had done until after he had done it. 

She cried out, the sound muffled thanks to the tape, worried eyes darting around in panic as she tried squirming again for the third time. 

Gojo pressed up behind her once again. “You’re not going anywhere, sweet pea! You’re ours now. We’ve had you picked out for a long time now.” The joy in his voice didn’t fail to put her on edge, his words doing their part in helping the tears gathered in her waterline to finally spill down her cheeks. Wetting the tape situated over her lips.

“He’s right.” Geto replied. Bringing one of his hands up to show what he had collected from the bag a few moments ago. The mobile phone in his hands glowed brightly in the dark room, the lamp from before having been moved, the light now dim.

“We’ll bring you back with us soon enough, but we still have a few more hours to kill before that. And why waste them.” Gojo said, the grin in his voice unsettling her, keeping her frozen in fear.

An easy smile pulled at Geto’s cheeks at that, head tilting to the side to gaze down at their pretty prey. 

“Well what are you waiting for then, Satoru?”

A pause. Smile pulling into a predatory grin.

“Have at it.”

[garoujo]

✩ ˛˚ . NAGI SEISHIRO ; — nagi’s never been one who cared about running late before, so why does he now?

ஜ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ warnings! none, fluff, early date scenario. ♡ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ note! these random writing ideas are haunting me istg! why is my brain suddenly trying to work again :< back w my baby <3

nagi seishiro has never unnecessarily ran for anything in his life

call him a slacker, lazy.. he never felt the need to exceed more energy than required — always looking for ways to get him out of everything that he found bothersome.

so why is he running now? casting glances at the screen of his phone between strides because he said he’d meet you at 1pm and he’s got 3 minutes but he’s 5 minutes away. he can remember the way your smile twitched at the sides and the little, subtle glow your eyes held when you asked if he’d like to visit a new cafe with you and he shrugged his shoulders with his ‘kay. hes thankful that the messy mop of snowy hair that falls over his features helped to hide the way the tips of his ears flushed that day.

but why’s he remembering that now? what a pain.

nagi huffs as he slows at the crossing, panting softly before he’s tapping his phone screen again. he’s almost there but he’s sweating hard.. he could really go a bath, maybe he would’ve worn something a little lighter than his usual oversized clothes if he knew he was going to be running through the streets.

the crossing turns green & nagi’s off again, another few blocks—a few heavy breathes and it’s like a relief when he’s turns the corner to see you’re still there. still waiting.

“nagi?” you question suddenly as his tall figure shuffles its way towards you, his hair is more disheveled than usual and you think it’s amusing how suddenly wobbly he looks—urging you to reach to steady him as he catches his breath.

“ah, sorry..” nagi’s words are breathless as he finds himself leaning his weight onto you, just enough for him to balance himself before he takes another deep breath. “i think i’m gonna die.”

although you’re still curious.. and concerned, he could’ve been running from some mob or wild animal for all you know. “are you okay, what the hell?”

“nah, i kinda fell asleep.” nagi manages and you really try to hold in the giggle you can feel bubble through your throat. but you still let a grin twitch at your lips as he gives you a sleepy look.

“you’re only 2 minutes late.”

“ehhhh, really? so bothersome.” that’s when you really laugh as you feel him drape more of his weight on top of you, self-consciously you think.. but maybe it’s because he can just pass off the pinker flush of his skin right now to exhaustion but also a little embarrassment.

“oh, uh. i brought you this.“ nagi speaks again after a few more moments, reaching in to rummage around in his hoodie pocket before he’s pulling out a crumbled little package and placing it softly into your palms.

“a vitamin jelly?” you ask earnestly and there’s something charming about the way he shrugs before sending you a starry-eyed look then suddenly looks away when you meet it with your own.

“uh.. yeah, i thought you’d be hungry i guess. the store was busy so it was a hassle.”

“are you hungry?” it’s an honest question and you can see nagi humming it over in his mind for a few moments before he’s shrugging again, “a little. i’m sweaty, wanna take another nap now.”

although you think he seems a little perkier now as you let yourself grab onto the hem of his sweatshirt, urging him to follow behind you as you send him a pretty smile from over your shoulder that makes him burn.

“it was probably all the running, big guy. let’s get you some food.”

“hey, i just didn’t wanna make you wait.”

nagi thinks it was worth it though because you’re beautiful when you’re caught somewhere between a smile and a laugh— still holding onto the vitamin jelly he brought you and everytime his hand brushes against yours he can feel the urge to intertwine it with his own.

“are you sure you weren’t just excited to see me?” that really gets to him because he swears the rate of his heartbeat spikes like he just ran around tokyo twice, it’s unfamiliar—he’s not used to stuff like this. how’s he supposed to act? what does this even mean?

“don’t tease me, ‘ts no fair. ‘m too sleepy to fight back now. wanna carry me?” nagi drawls out lazily and he’s a little surprised when you actually laugh. another brush of his hand against yours as you walk and he thinks that maybe he’ll let it linger with the next one.

“no, but i can buy you lunch.”

“hm, ‘kay.”

© 2023 GAROUJO. please do not copy any of my layouts or writing and translate or repost onto any other sites.

[linos-luna]

Hii i love ur writing

can u do a Jeongin x fem reader where u think he’s a rlly innocent guy but as u get to know him you realize how he’s horny 24/7 and actually start to get worried about him lol

stay hydrated💗🥹

Hi!! Thank you. You’re too sweet! 🥺

This sounds good. Hope I don’t disappoint ☺️

———————————————————————

Sweet boy ❣️

Jeongin (IN) x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ smut , perv Jeongin , implied masterbastion , oral(male receiving) , groping , fingering, unprotected sex ,

———————————————————————

You started dating this cute boy. He was adorable and seemingly innocent although there are some weird things you’ve been noticing. He’s pretty clingy and that’s okay but often times you find him staring at your chest or at your thighs. You’d be in public and he’d run his hand up your thigh but you never stopped him because you didn’t want to make a scene. He was so excited the first time you guys had sex and he was pretty rough, ever since then he’s been acting even more strange. Maybe you were just thinking too much into it.

It was around 1pm and you had invited your boyfriend and his friends over for lunch. Jeongin was already there since he had slept over and was in the kitchen with you as you were preparing the food.

You had your back turned to him as you were making some turkey avocado sandwiches and chatting about some family stuff. But Jeongin wasn’t really paying attention.

Jeongin was focused on your skirt, more specifically, your ass and hips. He loved how the skirt hugged your waist and wondered why you decided to wear this article of clothing. He felt like you were teasing him.

“Hey… baby?” You interrupted his thoughts and looked at him after noticing that he wasn’t responding. “Are you listening to me?”

“Oh sorry noona… I um…” Jeongin replied nervously, coming close to you. “I was just admiring how pretty you are today.”

“Oh thanks you.” You said, blushing lightly before turning back around to cut some lettuce.

“Its… a pretty skirt…” he said, sounding as if in a trance, now running his fingers along the material.

“Oh I got it last week at the mall” you replied nonchalantly before pausing as you felt his fingers touching the back of your thigh, slightly lifting the skirt.

“Hey Jeongin? What are you-?” You couldn’t even finish before he lifted your skirt and touched your panties.

“Hey!” You yelled, quickly turning around. “What the hell are you doing?! And in the kitchen?!”

“Sorry noona!” He replied quickly. “I-I couldn’t help it!”

Before you could say anything else, there was a knock at the door and you left the kitchen to answer it.

While you let in the guests, Jeongin stayed in the kitchen and noticed the bulge in his pants. He wanted you so bad right now, but his friends were over.

You soon came back in to grab the food and your boyfriend came up behind you, resting his head on your shoulder. “Noona…”

“What is it?” You replied, now blushing as you felt his bulge pressing against your ass.

“Noona… I need you…” he whined.

“Your friends are here!” You said in a loud whisper, looking at him like he’s crazy… well because he is.

“But noona-“

“No” you said shaking your head and picking up the plates with sandwiches. “I’ll help you out later.”

Jeongin sighed and followed you to the dining area where his friends, Felix and Seungmin were waiting.

“Sorry for the wait.”

“No it’s fine!” Felix said with a smile, grabbing his sandwich. The two were sitting on one side while you and your boyfriend sat on the other.

Seungmin was telling a story about meeting a girl the other day when you felt a hand squeezing your thigh. You looked at your boyfriend with a brow raised; he was biting his lip and looking down at his half eaten sandwich. It wasn’t until you looked at his other hand that you noticed him rubbing himself over his pants.

You couldn’t believe it! In front of his best friends?? Just sitting here at lunch? And why was he so rilled up? Just from looking at your skirt? He excused him, saying he had to go to the bathroom and you followed. He didn’t even close the door all the way before pulling his hard dick out and rubbing it.

“Jeongin!” You said, trying not to be too loud, closing the door behind you. “What is wrong with you?!”

He jumped at the sound of your voice and turned around, breathing heavily with dick in hand. “N-noona… I need you!”

You were shocked at the sight and didn’t know what to say.

“Please noona! Please! I need you!” He begged. “It hurts! Noona it hurts!!”

“Quiet down!” You were worried he was being too loud and tried hushing him.

“Noona please!”

“Okay okay!” You said frantically, lowering his pants and boxers down more before getting on your knees.

You first rubbed his throbbing cock with your hands then fully took it in your mouth.

As you sucked him off, Jeongin was gripping the sides of the sink, groaning with head thrown back, and eyes rolled back as well. You gave amazing head and he was already bucking his hips and whining. It wasn’t long before he hit his high.

You swallowed his cum and lost your appetite for lunch. “Well… I hope you’re feeling better.” You sighed, going back to the dining room.

“Are you guys okay?” Felix asked, tilting his head a little.

“Yeah, Jeongin just has a little headache. I gave him some motrin. He should be fine.” You replied, looking down at your food.

Jeongin came back soon after and sat down quietly, smiling at his friends.

The two shrugged it off and seungmin continued his story.

But your boyfriend didn’t seem to be done. Again, he was running his hand up your thigh and under your skirt, making his way to your panties.

You shot him a glare, causing him to pull away. What was wrong with him? This sweet boy you fell in love with was just acting… weird.

After about an hour of hanging out, Seungmin and Felix left and you laid down on the couch trying to relax a little. You soon fell asleep.

Jeongin came out calling your name when he noticed you sleeping. He thought you were so cute and went over, noticing your skirt was pushed up a little.

Why’d you have to wear such a cute outfit today? He thought to himself. Jeongin kneeled on the floor next to you and slowly raised your skirt, revealing your panties. They were a pretty dusty pink color and he couldn’t help himself so he started tracing his finger along the hem.

You didn’t seem to notice and Jeongin rubbed his 2 fingers over your clothed clit. This caused you to moan lightly, although it was muffled.

Your boyfriend didn’t want to wake you up but he was feeling hard again so he started slowly lowering your panties until he was able to pull them off completely.

He looked at how hot you were with the skirt and no underwear but he didn’t want to wake you so he lowered your skirt and took your panties to your room with him so he could relieve himself.

…

You later woke up and it was around 4pm. You got up and stretched then feeling how cold you felt under your skirt. After connecting the dots you realized that you weren’t wearing underwear. A bit panicked, you went to your room to put some on when you saw your boyfriend asleep on your bed with his shirt off, pants down and panties in hand.

“Jeongin!!”

He shot up quickly and looked at you. “Noona! I-I um…”

“What the fuck are you doing?!?” You yelled, not only mad but also embarrassed.

He got up and pulled his boxers up, going to you. “I-I just needed you… but you were sleeping and-”

“So you take my panties?!”

“Noona please!” He said almost whining. He hated to admit it but seeing you angry turned him on a little.

“Baby… what’s going on? You’re acting weird.” You asked, now concerned.

“Nothing! I just…” he came close and traced his fingers around your breasts. “I just… need you …”

You sighed and took a seat on the bed. “You’re really that needy huh?”

Jeongin took the opportunity to push you into the bed and kiss you deeply, now groping your breasts under your shirt.

“B-baby?” You looked up at him confused.

“Please noona. Please!” He whined, already lifting your shirt and unclasping your bra.

“Okay baby…” you sighed as you let him slip your shirt off and take off your bra. “We have to discuss this later…”

He nodded and sucked on your breast, moving to your nipple and biting it cause you to grab him by the hair.

“Ow! Baby that hurts!!” You yelled out before he stopped and looked at you again.

“Sorry noona.” He chuckled. “I got excited.”

You let go of his hair and watched as he slipped your skirt off, now kissing up your neck while palming at your crotch, causing you to moan. It felt good but all so overwhelming and he seemed to have no intention of stopping. He fingered you, inserting 2 fingers at once before sucking at your breasts again.

Although he was obviously horny you wanted to do this at your own pace and stopped him for a moment.

“H-how about you let me take care of you? You want noona to ride you?”

Nothing excited him more than having you ride him and he loved the praise you’d give him. He nodded and laid down next to you, taking off his boxers. He was panting and excited as you got on top of him.

“Are you gonna take my pussy like a good baby boy?” You asked, now lowering yourself on his dick.

“Yes noona! Yes!” He replied quickly, already bucking his hips.

You closed your eyes for a moment to gain composure and took his hands, putting them on your hips. You then started moving.

Jeongin was breathing heavily and already a moaning mess. You had to admit that this was turning you on too and causing you to go faster as you started losing yourself as well.

“Come on baby…” you said panting. “Be a good boy and cum for me.”

You didn’t need to tell him twice and he came, causing you to do so as well. You were starting to lift yourself off when you felt his grip tighten.

“Again��� please noona again!” He whined, already moving you lightly.

“Baby… please.” You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. “I’m tired. And your being greedy…”

“Please!!” He begged and you got off of him.

“Stop it! You’re being a bad boy!” You shouted as you made your way to the bathroom. He panicked and followed you.

“No no noona! I’m not a bad boy!”

“Your being greedy. And you said we can talk about your little problem afterwards.” You wiped off your make up and stepped into the shower, closing the curtain, only to have it yanked back open.

“But-“

You were surprised at his boldness and he just stepped into the shower with you, not even asking, plus this was a small shower.

“Please let me shower…”

“I will. I just wanna shower too!” He replied with a pout.

You sighed and just let him as you continued washing yourself. While he showered, he mostly just watched you.

…

After discussing his little issue you realized that he was just easily turned on. It made sense now thinking about how he’d look at you, even in public. And it made you wonder about the times your underwear would go missing or he’d excuse himself to the bathroom. For now you weren’t sure what to do and hoped that he’d get over this phase soon.

You both made a plan. He would signal when he was feeling needy and excuse himself from whatever you were both doing. Often times you would follow him and let him do what he wanted to relieve himself. Sometimes he wanted you to suck him off and other times he just wanted to suck on your breasts. It really depended on what he wanted at the moment.

You were worried but didn’t know what to do. What was going on with your sweet boy?

————————————————————————

Sorry it’s long. I got carried away 😅

[jellycatstuffies]

do you know if there's an approximate time of day that jellycat releases plush? and to add on, how long do the more popular plush last before getting out of stock? i absolutely want to try and snag a sky dragon, but i'm afraid of scalpers and the fact that i'm in australia, so the release might be in the middle of the night for me. love your content always, and thanks so much!

I know other people have asked me similar questions so I'm gonna take this to inform everybody, if you don't mind.

Jellycat always releases new designs at midday UK Time (12-1PM).

This should be okay for Australians like you, not so much for US customers. But here I will point out that the website for the US is different from the EU/rest of the world one and I have seen Jellycats in stock there that were not in stock on the EU site. They have reached a point where they try to cater to every time zone and every customer because they know they have a global market.

The new designs are being released in two different batches, the first designs are coming on the 12th of June and the rest will be released on the 26th of June. The Sky Dragon is part of the second batch on the 26th. I can understand your worry because it seems the Sky Dragon is by far the most popular new one prior to its release. I will also be getting that one (or two...)

However, Jellycat has gotten much better at anticipating rush on a certain plush and stock levels now last at least for the first day. With this one, I wouldn't be surprised if it sells out by the end of the day but they have also started implementing limits per customer both to ensure everyone gets one and to keep scalpers at bay who buy in bulk. I believe you will only be able to order a maximum of two dragons per order.

I'm sure you will get your dragon! And I am so glad to hear you love my content, thank you, that means more to me than you can imagine.

General question to my followers: Would you prefer I make a post with all 12th of June designs and one with all 26th of June designs or post them all slowly one by one? And would you be interested in seeing a post with all of the re-releases coming in June as part of the anniversary year?

Finally, I know my inbox is overflowing with questions and submissions and I appreciate all the interaction, especially the fact that everyone is so kind and keeping this a safe space, but although I am trying, I cannot at this point get to all of you. I hope you understand.

You are welcome to put more questions about the upcoming release in the comments as well!

-Victor

[whatitsdecending]

Chokehold: Pt. III

Vessel x Reader x Noah Sebastian

Disclaimer: I do not know anything more about Vessel than you do, all of this is fiction.

Word Count: 5.7k

Content warning: smut, smut and more smut. Biting, choking, dominate reader, dominate Vessel, submissive reader, submissive Vessel, edging, unprotected sex (wrap it up please, don’t be stupid like this).

—————————

The soft light filtering through the curtains pulled you out from your sleep. You stared at the environment around you, and for a split second you’d forgotten where you were. Once your brain cleared up that bit of fog you snorted at your slight stupidity. You rolled yourself over to the side of the bed that had the clock on the table next to it, 12:52 pm is what it read. A sigh escaped from you as you never let yourself sleep so late, but you came to realize if you’d forced yourself up at the normal time you definitely would’ve hated yourself for it later.

You rolled out of bed and to the window, drawing the curtains and letting the white light flood the room. From between the blinds you could see that snow now covered the ground, and it was still falling at a light rate. You adored whenever it snowed back home, especially the first dusting that just covered everything in white and seemed to bring a different brightness to the world around you.

A soft smile was stuck on your face for the entirety of your morning routine, in the shower and in front of the mirror as you did your skincare. You couldn’t wait to get outside to take in the scenery, you kinda hoped Vessel would join you.

Vessel. You haven’t heard a sound from him this morning, not even the creaking of his footsteps in the hallway or the sound of him in the kitchen. Maybe he was still asleep? You never really figured out if he had a set time he’d wake up, although he would typically go to sleep later whenever you spoke on the phone.

You went with the idea that he was still asleep, so when you left the room you quietly made your way downstairs, doing as much as you can from waking him up with a creak on the stairs. The house was very quiet and the lights were all off, allowing the natural lighting to do its job. It was peaceful. Your apartment wasn’t as quiet as Vessel’s home, only because the walls were thin and your neighbors were loud. Living in the middle of nowhere seemed like the thing you needed to do.

With it being past 1pm already, you decided the window for breakfast was closed and that having lunch would be a much better option. You walked into the kitchen and almost leapt out of your skin when you saw Vessel sitting at the table reading a book.

“Jesus Christ.” You breathed, clutching your heart as it beat rapidly. “You scared the fuck out of me, Ves!” He placed a bookmark between the pages he was on and closed the book, a look of amusement on his face. “Oh so you think that’s funny.” You crossed your arms in a sassy manner.

“Yes I do actually, you got so scared of me just relaxing in my home.” He responds, placing the book on the edge of the table. His eyes wandered outside to the snow that was falling. “Did you see the snow?”

You stepped closer to the window. “I did. Instantly put me in a good mood the second I saw it.” That same smile from earlier sat on your face again and the urge to go run outside grew stronger.

“You like snow?”

“Oh I love it. It’s one of my favorite parts about winter.” You expressed. He stared at you with wonder in his eyes, taking in your body language as you spoke. The excitement truly radiated off you like a little kid who just learned that a snow day had been implemented and they can spend the entire day at the local sledding hill with their friends. “Do you?”

“I only hate shoveling and driving in it, otherwise it is quite beautiful.” Vessel said as he rose from his seat, picking up the book to put it back into its rightful place in his collection. With your eyes stuck on the snow outside, he came up behind you and placed a heavy coat over your shoulders.

“What’s up with the coat?” You asked, turning around to see him lacing up a pair of heavier boots and a jacket resting on the table.

“Thought you’d maybe want to go outside and sit in the snow together…” He trailed off at the end of the sentence, glancing up at you. “If not, that's totally okay… I can get the leftovers from last night out-”

You pulled the coat over your arms. “I would fucking love to.” Realizing you didn’t have your boots, you rushed back upstairs to your room to put them on. Your heart raced as you tied the boots up as quickly as possible, hands shaking from the lack of nutrients in your body; but you didn’t care. The last time someone ever invited you to sit in the snow was years ago in elementary school. So at your age, this really was an invitation you could not decline.

Running back down the stairs while your boots loudly echoed against the wood, buttoning up the coat as you sped back to the kitchen. Vessel had an amused look on his face once again as you returned, leaving you to throw your hands up in defeat.

“What now?” You asked.

He chuckled. “You need to see how ridiculous you look in my coat.” He pointed over to a mirror that was just a few steps away, leaving you curious to just how stupid you look. Yeah, he was right. You definitely looked ridiculous. The coat hung down to your knees and the sleeves swallowed your hands, with where your boots ended on your legs it made you look shorter than you were.

“Eh, at least I’ll be warm.” You shrugged, pulling the hood over your head and adding to the look. The edge of the hood covered your eyes and you had to tilt your head up in order to see Vessel, he was just shaking his head at you and unlocking the door to the yard. “Are you regretting letting me stay with you now?” You followed him outside, the chill of the air hitting the part of your face that wasn’t covered.

“Nope.” He said. “I’m actually enjoying it.” You flashed a big smile at him and earned a chuckle in response. Taking big steps through the snow, you stayed quiet to determine if the snow was heavy or not. The crunching beneath your feet gave you the answer you needed.

“This snow is perfect for a snowman.” You blurt out, kicking a small pile that had built up. “If you want to build one with me.” You turned back around to face Vessel, noticing he had both hands behind his back and the most devious look you’ve ever seen on his face. “Oh no-” Was all you barely managed to get out before a snowball came barreling at you. You turned to the side quickly as a reflex, letting it hit your arm. “So you want to play that game?”

His laugh filled the air and added to the playful energy between you two. You bent over to scoop snow into your hands, mashing it together into a ball and whipping it at him. It hit him directly in the center of his chest, making him stumble back a bit.

“Goddamn you have an arm. What did they have you doing on tour?”

“Lifting the heavy shit the guys can’t.”

He grinned. “Of course.” He already had another snowball ready to go and launched it at you, missing by an inch. You laughed at him for it and threw another snowball that hit his shoulder. He stood there staring at you, a bit of defeat showing on his face.

“Oh, did you give up already? Didn’t think you were the type to give up so easily.” You egged him on, trying to get under his skin so he’d continue the fight. He raised his brows in a playful way taking a step forward in the snow before taking off in a sprint towards you. You had zero time to react due to how quickly he came up on you, all you could do was brace for him to impact your body. His arms wrapped around you quickly before the rest of his body hit yours, knocking you to the soft ground.

Your breath hitched as you made contact with it. You noticed Vessel had moved one of his hands to rest against the back of your head, making sure you didn’t smack it too hard. He pushed the hood of the coat up so he could see your eyes, but the second you made eye contact you started laughing. It was amusing that he just slammed into you like a linebacker into the snow. He couldn’t help but laugh along with you, the glimmer of the snow and pure joy reflecting in his eyes and leaving you to just stare in awe.

He calmed down the moment he realized your mind had switched to something else. “You okay? I didn’t hit you too hard did I?”

You shook your head. “No… I’m okay. I’m just-” You couldn’t bring the words together, it wouldn’t come out of your mouth the way you wished it would.

“Need me to get off?” He asks, starting to move off of you and the look of worry starting to creep onto his face. Just as his chest lifted from yours, you subconscious reached up for the collar of his coat and pulled him back down to you, pressing your lips against his. The softness of his lips were all you could’ve dreamed of, the way they pushed so gently against yours allowed the butterflies that were being held back to be freed.

You kissed for what felt like only seconds before he pulled away and the ache for air dragged at your lungs. You took a deep breath and could only stare up at him as he hovered only inches away from your face. He pushed himself up off of you and reached out for your hand, drawing you up once you placed your hand in his.

He seemed to be studying your face as his hand rested against your cheek. You watched as his eyes were locked on your lips and he ran his thumb over them. “You’re turning blue.” His words slipped from your mind before he pulled you close to him. “Y/N, your lips are turning blue.” Vessel walked you back to the house, stomping the snow off his boots and you doing the same. “Come with me.” He says, guiding you through the house into a room you have yet to see. A beautiful velvet couch sat in front of a large brick fireplace, more books littered around the room. This room seemed more lived in than the rest of his home, it had a more comfortable atmosphere to it as well.

Vessel had you sit on the floor in front of the fireplace, taking the wet coat off your body and replacing it with a blanket. He quickly removed your boots and placed them off to the side. You watched with awe stuck on your face, he just did all of that without you even asking.

His face lightened as he lit a match for the fireplace, throwing it onto the logs already resting in it. The fire slowly came to life, adding a warm glow to the room around you. Vessel stepped out of the room for a moment, coming back in just his clothes from earlier. He sat down beside you, glancing at the color of your lips before rubbing your hands between his. He was extremely warm, the heat coming from the fireplace and his body was enough to keep you from shivering.

“You warming up okay?” He asked, a genuine expression on his face.

“Mmhm.” You responded and watched as he poked at the fire a bit. “You didn’t have to do all of this for me.”

“You were turning blue, Y/N. Why wouldn’t I make sure you didn’t freeze on me?” He said, the slightest bit of a “duh” tone ringing out.

“Are you sassing me Ves?” You pretended to be offended and clutched at your heart.

“I can get sassy if you want me to.” He joked. You shook your head at him and turned your gaze back on to the fire in front of you. It danced around as the logs burned, the smell filling the room and bringing you to a calm place. Your mind had been going insane since the kiss you had with Vessel, the fact that he put so much care into you after you started getting too cold made it so much worse. Each little thing he did, from removing your boots to replacing the damp coat with a blanket, had your heart flipping around inside of you. It was these small gestures he seemed to do without any hesitation that made you want it all from him, everything he could ever offer to you, you’d take. You’d take it all so fast, but at the same time it scared you. Things were changing and changing rapidly. If you had asked yourself four months ago if you’d see your future self in a position like this, you definitely would’ve said no. From how things were going for you at that time, keeping your extremely casual relationship with Noah going for however long you both needed was the furthest you were willing to go at the time.

Noah. You’d completely forgotten you had promised to call him back… he probably thinks you’re dead at this point. A deep sigh escaped you at the promise you remembered, now felt the guilt creeping up your spine.

“Hey Ves?” You broke the silence, taking your mind out of the forest of thoughts it was just in.

“Hmm?” He mumbled. He lingered close to you, something you hadn’t noticed until now. His arm was draped lazily behind you and pulling you closer to him. The ability to ask the question you’d originally gained his attention for had suddenly gone away, you couldn’t seem to form the necessary words to say. You could feel his eyes on you as he waited for you to say something; they burned into you deeper than the fire ever could.

Instead of asking what you originally wanted to, you decided to ask another question that had been on your mind since September. “Do you remember when we first met?”

“Vividly.”

“There’s always been something I’ve wanted to ask you, especially now with how things have come between us.” You felt him shift his body weight in order to get a better look at you, raising his brow as he waited for the question. “What exactly did you mean by “one on one”? Was it just going to be something random like what me and Noah had been doing or…” You trailed off from there, turning and meeting his gaze. “Or am I reaching too far now.”

“You’re not reaching at all darling.” His voice soothed you. Bringing that up had been something dragging you down for a little while, especially when it became clear that Vessel was turning into a more special person in your life. “I remember leaving you that note with the intention of getting to know you better. The moment I saw you I just had to do it… even though I didn’t know the full extent of what was going on between you and Noah until you had explained it later on to me. It was a risk I was willing to take.”

“Are you still willing to take it?” You whispered just above the crackling of the fire. He held his gaze on yours for a long time, until his eyes started lingering on your lips. Your eagerness got the best of you, knowing damn well he could sit and stare for hours and torture your body by not touching you. You ripped the blanket off your shoulders, letting it fall to the floor before climbing onto his lap and pushing your lips on his. The desperation in this kiss compared to the one you shared in the snow was mind boggling, he was just as desperate for your lips now as you were for his.

His hands furiously tugged at your shirt, giving you the opportunity to pull away for a second and take it off. For just a moment his eyes glowed at the sight of the one part of your body he had yet been able to see. He leaned forward to attach his lips to your neck as his hand that had been placed on your back masterfully unhooked your bra. After you let the garment drop from your body, his other hand instinctively took hold of your left breast and massaged it gently. The stimulation of his lips against your neck on top of this had you moaning, your head leaned back to give him all the access he wanted to your neck. His teeth grazed along your skin and sent a shiver down your spine that made your hips buck.

“You like that huh?” He quipped, leaving another kiss against your neck. “Do you want me to mark you up darling?” A whine left your lips as a response, leaving him to chuckle at how desperate you are for him. He trailed up your neck before finding the area he wanted to mark, he licked it meticulously before sinking his teeth into you. Your body didn’t know how to react to that feeling, a new sensation that trickled through your nerves and sent your brain into overdrive.

“Oh fuck, Ves.” You breathed, gripping the back of his neck to drive him closer to you. He pushed his body up from the sitting position he had been in and began to push you gently down against the floor, his hand never leaving the spot on your back. After you’d laid down, Vessel pulled away to take his shirt off and revealed that physique you had grown to miss. He was glowing with the light from the fire bouncing off his skin, and in that moment it seemed you were about to sleep with a God.

He leaned down to connect your lips once again, this time with a more fiery passion than before. His tongue pushed into your mouth, letting yours fight against his. In the battle for dominance over your mouth, his hand made its way to the spot on your back to push your chest into his. His skin was warm and soft against yours, the heat from the fireplace adding to what radiated off him.

Vessel pulled away from the kiss and sat back on his feet, his hands going to your jeans to undo them and pull them off your legs. He stared at the laced panties you chose to wear that day, the lust that filled his eyes as it took every bit of patience in him to not rip them off of you. His fingers delicately slipped under the fabric that wrapped around your hips and pulled the garment down your legs, not once breaking the eye contact between the two of you. He leaned back fully on his feet as his eyes toyed over your body, taking it all in and memorizing every single detail he could see.

“You are so beautiful.” He breathed, his palms resting on your knees as his fingers circled your skin gently. “I want this to be for you, this moment everything is for you. Y/N, tell me exactly what you want and I’ll do it.” There was a pleading tone in his voice as he spoke. His hands remained where they were, not leaving until you would tell him to move them.

“Vessel…” You say, his body perking up at his name. “I want you to touch me, show me how badly you’ve missed me. Show me all that you wanted back in September that you couldn’t do.” A devilish grin crossed his face as his hands moved their way closer up your thighs, his body leaned forward with them. He placed kisses along the inside of your thighs, slowly moving closer and closer to your core. You grew restless as each kiss made you more wet, the slow inching of his face to where you wanted him most drove you crazy. Just as his cheek brushed up against the skin of your folds, you said one last thing. “And don’t you dare edge my orgasms this time.”

“Wasn’t planning on it darling.” Vessel says before the feeling of his tongue dragging up between your folds overran your body. Your hips bucked upwards into his mouth as a moan escaped from you. He was going slow on you, aware of the fact that it’s been a little while since the last time someone had gone down on you. That did not matter for you though, he knew exactly what he was doing and learned quickly the first time around. He lifted his face up a bit so he could focus his tongue on your clit and watch your face when he slipped two of his fingers into you. Your body arched at the stimulation of his fingers pumping slowly into you and his tongue delicately swirling circles on your clit.

“Ves.” You breathed. “Go faster.” With your instructions, Vessel picked up the pace with both his fingers and tongue. The wave of pleasure that hit you was almost enough to send you over the edge, but you held yourself together. His free hand tapped at your leg, giving you the notion to put them on his shoulders. You obliged and draped them over him, allowing you the power to hold him there for however long you pleased.

You used your heels to push him down closer into you as the knot built in your stomach. The moans that came from you were loud and high pitched, which led to Vessel removing his fingers from you and using both hands to grip your hips. He increased the pressure and pace of his tongue on your clit in order to make you cum. You cried out in pleasure as the ecstasy hit you, your hand gripped tightly on the blanket underneath you as you searched for some piece of reality so you didn't get completely lost in the pleasure.

Vessel kept his mouth on you, watching your body shake as it came down from the orgasm. He did not let you catch a breath before his tongue was back at it again and his fingers pushed into you, the extra slick that came from your orgasm made it simple for him to add another finger to the mix. You whined as his tongue hit your clit, it had grown sensitive from all the stimulation that you haven’t experienced in a while.

“Ves.” You cried out, a hum in response coming from him and sending vibrations through you. “I want you to fuck me.” He lifted his face from your core, the sight of his chin and lips being covered in your slick made a smile pull at your lips.

“Is that what you really want, darling?’’ He leaned back against his feet again, taking your legs off from his shoulders and setting them back down on the floor. You nodded, biting your lip as he began to remove the belt from his jeans. “I wasn’t even worried about getting myself off today, but since you’re insisting I fuck you, how could I resist?” He’d pulled his jeans down, revealing his cock that struggled against the fabric of his briefs. He never broke eye contact with you as he pulled the briefs down, exposing his hard cock. You bit at your bottom lip as you watched him remove the articles from his legs and throw them somewhere in the room. He reached over to the couch and grabbed a pillow, motioning for you to lift your lower back up off the floor so he can place it below you. He let you lay back and adjusted it as you needed until it was comfortable for you.

He leaned into you again, placing a kiss on your lips and then your forehead. “You ready?” You nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. He returned the smile before taking your legs and placing them on his hips, using them as a guide to line his cock up with your entrance. Before he pushed himself into you, he ran it through your folds to slick it up, not wanting to cause that much discomfort going in. He focused on the sight of his cock spreading the muscles of your entrance, going slowly in order for you to adjust to his size.

“Oh fuck.” You muttered, the feeling of him inside of you after not having anyone fucking you since September was intense.

“God you’re so fucking tight, Y/N.” He groaned as he slowly thrusted in and out of you. His grip tightened on your hip, adjusting himself to be able to get a better angle to thrust into you.

“Go faster.” You spat out. He nodded and picked up his pace, the sounds of his thighs slapping against the skin of your ass echoed through the room and mixing in with the moans that came from the two of you. The initial bit of discomfort had completely disappeared now and the pleasure that racked your body was all you could think of. He felt so good, the first time he fucked you was good, really good… but with the circumstances of that time, you don’t think it could ever compare to this now.

His moans had turned to whimpers and his face was beginning to contort, notifying you that he was close. Except, this time you wanted to be the one that edged him. Torture him a bit like he’d done to you. So, you put your hand up and signaled for him to stop. He hesitantly pulled out of you and had a confused expression on his face.

“What-’’ Before he could finish his sentence you cut him off by pointing to the couch.

“Go sit and lean up against the couch.” A tone of demand came from you that was unfamiliar, but you liked it and he clearly did too as he quickly moved to where you told him to go. He watched as you stood up, ignoring the weakness you felt from how hard he’d just been fucking you. His breath hitched as you stood over him, placing one hand on his shoulder while you came down to straddle him. Your other hand wrapped around his cock and aligned it with your entrance, the feeling of it filling you up as you sat down left both of your mouths wide open. You let yourself get used to this position before slowly bouncing yourself on him.

“Jesus Christ Y/N.” Vessel groaned, throwing his head back against the cushion of the couch.

Your hand reached out and wrapped around his neck, making him return his gaze to you in shock. “I don’t think so, Ves. Keep your eyes on me, pretty boy.” You kept your hold on his neck, making sure not to add too much pressure to the point where you were actually choking him. His hands found their way to rest on your hips, but you swatted at them. “Keep them on the couch, I don’t need your help with this.” He smirked at how you demanded him, a new found power that you’ve never had the control over.

A rhythm took you over and Vessel’s eyes constantly rolled back whenever you squeezed both his cock and his neck, each roll from your hips bringing him closer to that release he chased after. You watched his face and listened for that same whiny tone in his moans that informed you he was about to cum. You were getting close too, unsure if he was going to cum before you did or vice versa.

“I’m going to cum.” Vessel cried out and his breathing became more rapid. You clenched tightly around his cock and his neck, clearly sending him over the edge as the warmth of his cum filling you up took you by surprise. Your release happened right after, your moans mixed in with the heavy breathes he took as you rode it out on him. You let go of the grip you had on his neck and fell against his chest, your face pressed against the crook of his neck.

The two of you sat there for a little while, coming down from the high. Admittedly, you sat there because of how numb your legs felt from all of this. Vessel seemed to notice your uncertainty with getting up, so he took matters into his own hands and shuffled his way over to the blanket in front of the fireplace, laying you down on top of it. You hissed at the feeling of him taking his cock out of you, your entire core was extremely sensitive now and any little touch or movement made you squirm.

“Let me get you a warm cloth, I’ll be right back.” He kissed your forehead and stood, walking away to the kitchen. You took the time to regulate your breathing a bit, letting yourself come back from the ecstasy you’d just experienced. Vessel came back into the room just a moment later, a damp cloth in his hand. He sat on his knees between your legs, gently running the cloth along your folds and cleaning up the cum that was dripping out of you. The warmth of it soothed your body and finally brought you all the way down from the high.

Vessel placed the cloth off to the side after he made sure he did a good job cleaning you up. He laid down beside you, letting you lift your head up so he could rest his arm beneath it. His other hand rested on your stomach, watching as it rose and fell with each breath you took.

The two of you laid there in a comfortable silence. The primary reason being the utter exhaustion you felt after the physicality you endured, but also still being a bit jet lagged didn’t help either. Also maybe the fact that you just had some of the best sex in your life had some kind of power over you not being able to speak.

Breaking the silence was a loud grumble from your stomach, reminding you that you never ate today. “Jeez I felt that.” Vessel laughed as he removed his hand from his stomach, leaving you to laugh at it as well. “Is this my sign to make you some dinner?”

“I think so.” You wiped at the tears that sprinkled the corners of your eyes from your laughter. “I’m going to go take a bath while you do that.” You rolled out from his hold and pushed yourself up into a standing position, your legs wobbling as you did so.

“Need me to carry you to the bath?” Vessel asked as he placed a hand on your leg to help stabilize you a bit.

“Nope, I should be good, just need to walk around or else it will stay like this for too long.” You smiled down at him, giving him a thumbs up as you started waddling away, the chuckles that erupted from him as he watched you walk away was enough to make you laugh. You knew you looked ridiculous, but you could not help it. Glancing at the time on a nearby clock, you realize it’d probably be later enough in the morning for you to call Noah and not have to deal with his grumpy ass after waking him up.

As you struggled a bit to get up the stairs and to your room, you decided to call him the second you got the bath running. You couldn’t help but have a nagging feeling that calling him was wrong, especially now right after you’d had sex with Vessel and was running a bath in his home.

But you promised him… and who knows exactly the reason he needed to talk to you. Could be work related, most of the time it is. You knew you were capable of keeping it professional and in this case that’s exactly what needed to happen. Then again, the idea of hurting him by telling him exactly where and what you were doing toyed in the back of your mind. Why? You weren’t sure.

It will be the first time since October that you will be speaking to him, the last time being when you all parted ways at the airport after the US leg of the tour ended. You hate admitting it but you did miss speaking with him, especially music. His face lit up each time he got on the topic of how he wrote a specific song or his plans for the future of the band.

Your hands shook as you picked up your phone that was still on the nightstand, glancing at the overwhelming amount of notifications on the screen before going to your contacts and pressing on Noah’s name. You hovered over the icon that will take you to a call, debating if it was the best thing to do.

You walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind you, starting the water in the tub. You stared at the screen again and took a deep breath before hitting the call icon, your phone coming to life as it rang.

It didn’t take long for the ringing to stop and Noah’s voice to echo through the speakers. “Hey pretty girl, I’ve been waiting for you to call.”

[lemmetreatya]

I just feel like blowing raspberries on Reiner's tummy would be something that he would enjoy so much. It makes him laugh and it's really good for waking him up.

oh he’d absolutely love those 🥹🥹 especially when he’s feeling unmotivated to wake up!

its not reserved for weekends, but since he works during the weekdays, the responsibility of having to go to work motivates him to get up and complete the day. but when its a day he has nothing and noone to answer to, he has trouble formulating an excuse for why exactly he should get out of bed. but alas! the funny blowing of the tummies always adds that fun light into his life!!

“ReiRei!” You sweetly, yet tightly, called out.

Shucking open the curtains to your bedroom windows, you heard the expected delayed groan from behind you.

Usually, when you had come back from a morning walk and having done the weekly shopping, Reiner would at least have gotten out off bed once — at least to open the curtains — but it looks like none of that had happened today.

“Mmngg.” The blonde rolled over with the duvet now covering his head.

“Come on. It’s already 1pm, my love.” You gently remind, the bed dipping as you crawled onto the mattress from the other side.

“I knoooowww.” He whined although his voice was as deep as ever.

You sat on your heels on top of the bed as you pitifully watched the outline of the man you love.

Days like these weren’t usually the best for him but they were as equally as frustrating for you because you needed his help around the house. Currently, you were taking a lot of the weight of managing the home on your own and even you were nearing your limits.

You knew that you had to be patient with him — allow him to go at his own pace — but if you simply did that, you’d eventually get nowhere.

Even Reiner, regardless of how he was holding up, needed to compromise.

“Don’t make me come under there.” The intonation of your voice rose upwards at the end as you sing-songed your words.

Reiner didn’t answer but you weren’t in wait of a reply to do what you were going to next.

Lifting up the covers, you shuffled underneath the blanket before crawling over to where Reiner lay underneath it.

You rolled the man onto his back. He didn’t protest, and you know he didn’t resist because if Reiner wanted to be stubborn, he could easily hold his weight down and give you a hard time.

But he didn’t.

With little to no effort, the man was laying on his back and you did the one thing you knew would provoke somewhat a productive reaction.

You laid your palms on either side of his belly before bending down to blow an obnoxious raspberry onto his skin.

At the action, Reiner grumbled, albeit a lot softer than he was groaning before. He made a quick swat at your head — a lame attempt at it — as he didn’t try to show any further resistance.

You saw this as your chance.

“Come on, my ray of sunshine. Let’s get. You. Out. Of. BED!”

You blew another raspberry onto his belly but this time causing to Reiner to crease inwards and let out the mistaken sound of a giggle.

Your head instantly perked up at the sound, unsure if you heard correctly considering you were still underneath the blanket, but its when you blew his stomach again that you were proved right.

With a gasp of air, Reiner let out the most clear yet tinkly laugh that you’ve heard from him in awhile. He curled inwards on himself, holding the assaulted area but alas, he was glowing.

With a triumphant smile, you poked your head up at the top of the blanket, already wrapping your arms around the large male.

As the dying embers of laughter still decorated his lips, you laid a smacking kiss to his forehead.

“You feel ready to tackle the day, soldier?” You say in light heart, caressing the man’s head as he instantly found solace within your chest.

“Not quite.” He started, the phrasing already causing your shoulders to slug. “But I’m ready to try.” He finished much more quietly.

With a smile, you hushly cheered him on before kissing his forehead once again.

“That’s my man.”

[thygoddessouijathicc]

My Promised DSAF Fanfic Where You Adopt Dave

(Disclaimer: I wrote this before reaching my like goal for my post, but I have no patience and I got enough on the original post where I brought up the idea so I decided to chase dopamine and post this shit early because I was bored. 

Reader is gender neutral and can be anything you want them to be. Will be second POV despite that being my least favourite POV it’s the only one that works for these. Dave has just been kicked out of the orphanage. Also one of you mentioned Dave being in a box on the side of the road and I decided that yes, yes he is, and promptly stole it for my fic, thank you so much for the idea it’s exactly correct. Dave goes by Will because this is pre-Henry. Btw, Dave canonically has scales, and I’m forcing everyone to remember that.)

Today was probably the worst day of your life. Your shift started at 1pm ended at 10pm. You had accidentally left your car at home (don’t ask how), and hadn’t realized until the end of your shift. You had forgotten to pack lunch. And on top of it all, it was pouring.

Little did you know your day was about to get far… far… weirder.

It was dark out, and the sky was cloudy, not a star could be seen in the sky. You groaned. If you had to walk back home at night, at least you could have some stars to look at!

As you were feeling pity for yourself on your long walk home a car drives by and splashes you. 

“FOR FUCKS S-“ you start to say, you were normally relatively easygoing, but everyone has their breaking point. You are stopped when you hear the sound of thunder and a light far too close for comfort.

Now, at this time of the year, in your area, lightning was no joke, and you were almost hit moments ago.

You aren’t exactly someone who would NORMALLY be overly bothered by lighting, but with how your day is going, it feels like you might get smited at any moment.

You see a point up ahead in which the road overlaps and creates an overhanging area. You run towards it.

Once under the overhang you groan dramatically and sit down, watching cars go by.

After a few minutes, dense as you are, you pick up on the sounds of someone crying.

You look around the area and your eyes land on a wet cardboard box. It’s wetter than the area around it as if it has been moved there after the rain started.

You suspiciously approach the box with a stick (you always must be careful of if the contents of the box are a ghost).

You poke the box and nothing happens. It does not reveal its true form as a mimic.

“G-go away! I’m tired!” The voice of a child says from inside the box, one with a surprisingly thick New York accent.

Ok, there is a kid in the box. You could do a few things about this. Call CPS (you don’t have your phone), explode (why did that cross your mind), throw the box onto the highway (WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?) or help the child. You decide shockingly on the reasonable option, and open up the box.

…

You don’t exactly know what you were expecting, but it definitely was not this. The child appears to be a young boy somewhere between 8 and 12, he’s curled up into a ball crying, and his clothes are tattered, but that is most definitely not what catches your eye.

He’s purple.

Like actually purple.

His skin is entirely purple, and appears to have a scaley quality to it.

You jump back. The child does not move.

Calming yourself down from seeing something potentially paranormal, you go back to the rim of the box.

The boy is looking up at you now. 

Upon closer inspection he’s both more and less human looking than you initially saw.

Although a great deal about him, from general shape, to facial features, and even his behaviour is clearly human, he’s purple, scaley, and seems to lack ears. Small strands of hair come off his head as if they can’t grow properly, and he’s bald otherwise.

The boy stares at you for a moment and then collapses back into his box, and closes it as best he can.

“Go away.” He hisses. “I just want to sleep.”

The box is still very much open, and you can see him shivering inside, cradling a rabbit doll. It’s at this point you notice the cuts and bruises. He’s covered in them. It finally clicks for you that he ISN’T something paranormal. Or if he is, it doesn’t matter. He’s just a purple kid.

“That box looks cold.” You finally say.

“Thanks, captain obvious.”

“Where did all your bruises come from?“ you ask, sitting down beside the box.

“People throwin’ rocks at me mostly.” 

“Why do they do that?”

“Why do ya think?” The boy says, annoyance evident in his tone. 

“Where are your parents?”

“Fuck if I know. They dropped me off in the first orphanage they saw and never came back.”

“If they dropped you off in an orphanage, why are you here?”

“I got kicked out.”

“Why?”

“Why do ya think?” The boy snarls at you.

“I don’t think that’s fair. People throwing rocks at you is just people being terrible but to deny you shelter in an orphanage when you’re-“

“9. And yer not foolin’ anyone, ya almost screamed when ya saw me.”

“I was just surprised that’s all!”

“Uhuh. Sure.”

“No really. You don’t bother me.”

“Yer not the first person to say that. None of em mean it.”

“I do.”

“Sure.” You sit in silence for a moment. It seems the child has made up his mind that he doesn’t like you.

“What’s your name?”

“Will.” 

“That’s a nice name.”

“No it’s not.”

“I think it is.”

…

“What are ya even doin’? Talking to me and shit.”

You aren’t sure how to answer that. Why ARE you talking to him? He clearly doesn’t want to talk to you, you don’t know him, and there’s not exactly much you can do for him… but you do want to help him.

“I wanna help you.” You say simply.

“…Why?”

“Because I don’t think a kid should be living in a wet cardboard box on the side of the road with people throwing rocks at them.”

“Well tough shit because there’s no way ya can help ya’d actually do. This is just what happens to kids no one wants.”

“Well just so I’m aware, what COULD I do to help you?”

“Ya could adopt me. But ya won’t. I know ya won’t. No one wants an aubergine kid.”

You could adopt Will.

You have a decent job, more than enough to pay for your apartment, your needs, extra stuff, and to have a lot left over.

“I’ll adopt you.” You say simply, without a second thought.

There’s a moment of silence where all you can hear is the rain crashing down. Will looks at you, as if expecting you to take back this offer, when you don’t, he cries. You can see he’s scared. Scared that you’ll reject him. He knows he can’t take that. Not now.

You pick him up out of the box. He’s light, as if he hasn’t been eating enough. He probably hasn’t.

Will immediately hugs you, still sobbing.

The rain has started to let up, so you decide it’s time to go home. You cradle the crying child in your arms and start the walk.

.

.

.

A few months have passed, you’ve managed to legally adopt Will.

Over these months you’ve discovered a lot about the child. His neck seems to be able to stretch infinitely, he tends to give people nicknames that vary from relevant to completely random, and he likes kabobs.

Will has settled in pretty well, he’s started school a week ago (something you worried a lot about), and while he does talk about getting bullied a lot, he’s making friends. One in particular who he calls “Old Sport”, which seems to be one of his more random nicknames.

You’re sitting at home reading the newspaper, a little concerned, apparently children have been going missing around a mysterious circus, although the lion tamer has been arrested for the crime, you don’t think he’s the guy. Taking one look at his picture you can tell he’s no murderer, now the ringleader…

It’s rude to make assumptions, you tell yourself.

You’re just happy that your son won’t be involved in any of that.

(Notes: Y/N has single-handedly prevented multiple counts of child murder by adopting an aubergine.)

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, MARCH 31, 2009 This is going to be quick cuz there’s not much to say at the moment. Just that I finished Italian 101 with a score of 82%, and am soon to begin Italian 102. Then it’ll be off to 201 and 202.

Jesse was down just a little while ago with a gas-powered weed whacker, whacking weeds along the sides here. Just when I was wondering if he’d been laid off again too, based on how quiet it’s been so far today. The weed whacker wouldn’t have woken me up had I been asleep, but debris flying against the sides of the place would have. Tom’s going to do the back with his electric one tomorrow.

Jesse says he’s not sure if he’s going to be called into work which will depend on when he blows on through with the bulldozer. I just wish he would do what he says he’s going to do when he says he’s going to do it!

MONDAY, MARCH 30, 2009 Here’s the latest Jesse/dog scoop. Jesse left on the motorcycle at 11:30 yesterday and returned just moments later. I thought the dogs would be going crazy, but to my surprise, they shut up after just a few barks. Then he roared on back out about a half-hour later, and again I was pleasantly surprised with just a few barks. Then it was dead quiet all day until he returned at around 5. I wonder if someone could’ve been up there, like maybe the kid. Would you leave an 11-year-old alone that long? Yeah, I suppose you could. There still might be a difference in him leaving on the motorcycle versus the truck, too.

Anyway, when I got up at 5:30 this morning, I expected it to be to a tune of wild barking, but I haven’t heard a thing yet. I can’t believe they’d be quiet if he left this early and in the truck, so my guess is that he’s not working today. Tom will be able to tell for sure when he goes to mail the books later on. Yeah, the two single hardbacks didn’t sell, but the 27-lot of paperbacks did, so that’s good. Even though we only make a few bucks, it gets them out of the way.

Oh, shit. I hear barking now. I must’ve jinxed myself or something by mentioning it! I’m just glad the whistle’s on its way. At least it should be shipped out today anyway.

I just got up and softly called up to them, knowing that Tom’s such a heavy sleeper, quite unlike myself. I could just make out movement through the trees. My calling to them seemed to placate them a bit, but since I’m not in the mood right now to take responsibility for calming other people’s dogs, I just threw on the sound machine in here and turned the air cleaner up out by the rats.

SUNDAY, MARCH 29, 2009 Yesterday our rude, selfish prick of a landlord left at 8am, and on the motorcycle, as I figured would be the case. I was hoping he’d wait till between 11am - 1pm like he used to, but nope. So off the dogs went on their barking spree which I figured would last till noon at which time I thought Jesse would return, then head out again an hour or two later for a few hours, then maybe go out one more time for yet a few more hours. Instead, we didn’t hear him return till 5:00.

The dogs are definitely morning barkers as opposed to afternoon barkers. We occasionally hear them in the afternoons, but they seem to sleep the afternoons away for the most part. So when they started up after Jesse left, I opened the door and yelled at them to shut up, then Tom went out and whistled at them. Because the leaves haven’t fully grown back yet, he could see them come running toward the edge of the hill. After that, they were quiet, which convinces me all the more that all the barking is over not wanting to be left alone. I don’t know why they decided in November that that was when they no longer wanted to be left alone, but I’m 99% sure it’s not that there’s anything that’s been stirring them up.

Then Tom got a great idea I wish he’d told me about months ago, although I don’t know if it will help for sure. He told me that dog whistles, which people use to train dogs with, may control the barking. Especially if I’m right about it being a case of them not wanting to be left alone. If they bark and get whistled at in response, they may not feel so alone. I don’t know if things will ever be like they used to be around here, but this will give us an idea as to whether or not the debarker will work. The debarker has a money-back guarantee, but why shell out $80 for something that might very well not work? Yet if they can hear the whistle, they could hear the debarker. It’s supposed to be inaudible to humans. All we’d hear was a slight wind sound of the air actually being blown through the thing. This is good too, cuz then I can use it while Tom’s sleeping. The only thing is that it was under $10 so it’s not automatic like the one we want to get sometime in May. But if it will help stop the 5:30 - 9:00 weekday barking sprees, that’d be great, since obviously no one else is going to do a damn thing about it. So we’ll take responsibility for his dogs, and we’ll pay for it, too. The whistle should arrive next Thursday or Friday. We got it on eBay and it’s coming from SC.

If nothing we get works, then we’ll have to give Jesse an ultimatum. Either shut them up or lose us. Or maybe take a couple hundred off the rent.

We have 3 auctions ending on eBay in 8 hours. Two auctions with just a single hardcover book, and a 27-lot of paperbacks. Right now it’s not looking good at all. The lot may go, but the singles aren’t likely.

SATURDAY, MARCH 28, 2009 Yesterday wasn’t good, but better than the barking the day before was. For now, I’m enjoying the peace and quiet which will last until Jesse feels like going out which, given the weather, will probably be on the motorcycle and therefore without the dogs.

So much for thinking God had blessed me with a knack for learning languages to make up for all the curses He has lined up for me throughout my life. I’m still struggling with the grammar and I suppose that if I haven’t gotten it by now, then I’m not going to. Some things can be said several different ways and I’m not always able to figure out which is the proper way for each thing. That’s one of the problems with full immersion methods. It doesn’t teach you the rules of why things are a certain way. But Tom just found a site that explains Italian grammar, so hopefully it’ll help me. I have just one more lesson in the beginner course to go!

Still one of the most popular journals on MD which still amazes and stumps me. Who could all my readers possibly be? And why would they all be interested in what I have to say? Interesting. Real interesting. I’m flattered just as much as I am surprised.

Speaking of journals, I’m not going to sweat changing or dropping last names so much anymore. Remember, the media uses people’s names without their permission all the time. So why can’t we? Especially in something we’re not trying to sell like a book? Yet the media does sell newspapers, mostly of bullshit, and so if they can get away with it, then I’m not going to worry. If you’re someone I’m close to then yes, I will change or drop your last name as a courtesy to you. If anyone else may be reading this that I once knew and has a problem with something I may have to say, send me a subpoena. LOL

I think I should go back to motion running as opposed to stationary. Yes, stationery is easier on my joints, but it’s too easy to put off. I have to run before my shower because I get so sweaty, so it’s easier to stick to, and even more so because it’s something I do all at once. With the stationary running, I was running in scattered bursts, and it was too easy to laze out of the last set or two. I only switched for variety and due to the weather warming up, but I’ll just remember that nice refreshing shower that’s waiting for me at the end of my run. I hope to get an elliptical machine eventually. There’s no impact at all on the joints with those.

The oak trees are sprouting their new leaves, but nothing on those palm-like trees yet.

I don’t think I’m going to lose any more weight, but I’m ok with that because I’m comfortable where I am now. I can bend over to cut my toenails easily and get around plenty well enough. I would look better if I kept losing, but I’m sick of being hungry so much of the time. I need a break once or twice a week and to do what I did yesterday. I gained two pounds over the last couple of days, but it was totally worth it. We went to the mail place today, then to the store. I pigged out on Jelly Belly’s and parmesan breadsticks and it was sooo good! The pleasure was totally worth the punishment. So I’ll stay just under and above the 130-pound marker indefinitely.

FRIDAY, MARCH 27, 2009 It’s almost 7am, so 2-3 more hours of barking, then the bulk of it should be done for the day. Ain’t God just great to me? All good things really do come to an end. I totally believe that. Every single place I’ve lived in that started off peaceful eventually got worse and worse. Some places turned noisy overnight, others slowly. So what are we going to have to do? Move every few months to a few years as each place gets too noisy? Is that all that’s in our cards as far as housing goes? To move to a place and just when we’re about to be grateful to finally have good neighbors, have them move out and bad ones move in? To start off with good neighbors that suddenly decide not to give a shit about others around them after a few months of being kind and considerate? Is that it?

It used to be so wonderful here despite the lack of space. I was just so amazed to finally be in such a quiet place, quieter than any other place I ever lived, including Maricopa at its quietest. But now it’s worse than the Oregon dump, excluding the car stereos. The barking isn’t as bad as the duplex was, obviously, because there, the dog was right outside our window. But these dogs here are closer than the canal dog was. And it’s made even worse by the layout of this place. In the Oregon dump, the front of the house wasn’t as bad since the barking was coming from the back. But here there is no front or back, so the barking is everywhere. Even in the bathroom with the door shut I can still hear it loud and clear. And knowing that the weekend is coming up doesn’t give me any peace of mind either because I know Jesse will be in and out all day Saturday and Sunday. It just may not start till 8am - noon as opposed to 5:30 am. I swear he’s only home just to sleep! Fortunately, I’ll be asleep by then, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there was some evening barking tonight too, like last Friday night. My guess is that that’s when he goes to a bar after working such long hours all week.

The last thing I want to do is return to the city where it could end up 10 times noisier if it wasn’t from the get-go. Yet all this shit has had me thinking about and missing being in a normal house. Images of those houses I saw on Craigslist are floating through my mind constantly. I’m sick of being cramped into tiny little cottages, duplexes, motel rooms, and trailers. I want a normal house that’s around 1000-1500 square feet. But it’s me that’s asking for it so that makes it too much to ask for. I also miss living in something that isn’t as old or older than I am. Oh, to have a modern house with at least two bedrooms and 1½ baths on a solid concrete foundation! It doesn’t freeze here too often, so houses don’t have to be raised. Tom says we’ll more than likely want to move closer to wherever he ends up working, but if he’s right about us being able to buy a house within a few years, then it would’ve been easier to just stay here until then. I like variety, but at the same time I’m SICK of moving!

But I’m also getting mighty sick of having my activities now have to revolve around when the dogs bark. I can’t do anything that requires a quiet background now like proofreading or resuming my Italian lessons, although I need a break from that for a while anyway. The spelling and vocabulary are still a piece of cake. But the grammar’s still driving me crazy, too.

THURSDAY, MARCH 26, 2009 I’m now 88% through the course and still with an 81% accuracy rate and still struggling with the damn grammar, too! Otherwise, I’m having fun with it.

Oh, and we’re less than an hour away from a good 3 to 4 hours of barking, too. I know I’ve said it before, but I gotta say it again: I can’t believe how selfish and rude so many people are! They’re definitely worse in the mornings. From 5:30 - 9:30, it was terrible yesterday. Guess they must’ve thought it was Monday, and like I told Tom who disagrees with me, it’s never going to get better. Not at this point.

And yes, I’ve begun looking on Craigslist. The only problem is that one, Tom needs a job first. Two, there are some reasons I would rather not move. For one, I’m sick of having to move every few months to a few years because people can’t shut up. Or shut their dogs up. Just sick of it! And while there may be bigger places with cheaper rents than this, it would be more expensive once the utilities that we don’t have to pay here get factored in, not to mention that it’d be much noisier, too. In this place, as small and as old as it is, people can’t drive by, we have major privacy, and the dogs are the only problem right now. They may be annoying enough of a problem, but they’re it as far as what’s going on around here that’s annoying right now. There are no car stereos, no wild kids, no sonic booms, no door-slamming, and so it’s not all 100% bad. Just half bad.

I just hope we’ll have the luxury of being able to weigh the pros and cons of moving for real and really sit down and decide what we want to do. I hate being locked into just one thing and that’s the case with us right now. I know we’re never going to have a quiet place to live. That’s obviously not in our cards or else we wouldn’t have been in nothing but noisy places for the last 4 houses, 1 duplex, and 12 apartments. It’s a curse that’s going to follow us everywhere we go. No doubt about it. We could move to a totally deserted planet, and there’d still be something.

Tom’s going to go around with the weed whacker and knock down some weeds around here so that when Jesse finally does get around to coming down here, which I’m sure will have to be when I’m asleep, he won’t have as much to do.

Now it’s off to do things I don’t need for it to be quiet to do. I’m still going to have the sound machine on to block the barking, but while I couldn’t study Italian with that going, I could work on my story. That is until I get to the proofreading part of it.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 25, 2009 Well, I don’t want to get my hopes up and jump the gun, but Tom may have a point about this Monday confusion thing as far as the dogs are concerned because it was much quieter yesterday. They were going off around 6:00, then it was quiet all day as far as we could tell. Like I said, though, I’m not going to rest easy as I know some days will be bad and others will be more tolerable. I keep hoping the people on the other side of him will complain in addition to us, but that may only make him push them further toward us. Us he can just evict, them he can’t. Then again, Tom said they already did complain about him and that I was right there when he mentioned it, though I don’t remember this discussion. According to the satellite, they’re not much further from him than we are. I don’t know how thick their walls are or if they have dual-paned windows, but I’m sure they get an earful enough either way. I can’t tell grade but there doesn’t seem to be much more in the way of trees than we’ve got.

I’m now 82% through beginner Italian with an 81% accuracy rate. As usual, my spelling and vocabulary are fine. It’s the grammar I’m still struggling with.

TUESDAY, MARCH 24, 2009 I’m sitting here now just listening to the peace and quiet. And I’m enjoying every moment of it too because I know that in just a few hours it will be gone. Yeah, yesterday sucked dogwise. From right before 6am - 9am the dogs went crazy. That’s about when I crashed, and then Tom said there were just a few spatterings of barks from 2pm to right before I got up shortly after their last fit. I actually woke up sweating. Yeah, that’s the other of the two things I’m getting awfully sick of dealing with year after year living this far inland. Except for when it’s raining, I’m sick of the cold/warm fluctuations! I went to bed freezing. It was 34º out. But then it got up to 68º which meant it got just over 80º in here (I’m cold again now). The metal walls and roof of the trailer really makes this place retain heat like crazy. It’s to be 75º on Saturday so we’re going to have to get the cooler prepped soon and check the pads and all that. Hopefully, it won’t need new parts cuz that’s Jesse’s job. And the less I have to see of that rude, selfish asshole, the better.

Besides the extreme night/day temperature fluctuations, I’m sick of how almost everybody in the West refuses to allow their dogs indoors! These two things have got me thinking about a Florida retirement community more and more, but without a ton of money to move with, I’ll never again take a chance on moving long-distance. Not after nearly getting killed trying to get to Oregon, then coming even closer to doing just that here. I also wouldn’t want to go to a state Tom would be unhappy in. He says it doesn’t matter and that that’ll be our top priority if it means that much to me. Well, that’s really sweet, but it’s not possible. Besides, the humidity wouldn’t be all that good for me either. It may be good for my skin and hair, but that’s really about it. It’s just that people in the East typically get dogs as pets. Here they’re either for security reasons or for getting attention, and what better way to draw attention to yourself and your house than to get a dog you stick outside 24/7? Bad people may exist everywhere, but I’ve never seen such a degree of selfishness and insecurity in people anywhere else. I also think it’s cruel to the dogs. If they were wild dogs to begin with, that’d be one thing. But any animal born in captivity should stay that way and not be tossed outside like old trash.

I still don’t think we’ll ever own our own home anywhere. I think that Phoenix wouldn’t have been such a nightmare and that we wouldn’t have lost the Maricopa house if there was such a thing as home sweet home for us – oh, gosh, I’m crying now. Back in a minute…

Sorry ‘bout that. I just get so damn frustrated with wanting the simplest of things in life like a peaceful place to live and never being able to achieve them. And when I do it’s usually very short-lived. I just want an average house with average appliances, furniture and whatever else, where it’s just Tom and I. Not Tom, myself, the neighbor’s dogs, and maybe even their music and kids too, depending on whether or not we’re in the city. But if I’ve lived in noisy places basically all my adult life, why would that ever change? And if he’s been broke almost all his life and me almost all my adult life, why would that change either? The thought of rental-hopping in poverty the rest of our lives really makes me very sad and just totally saps my zest for life. And even though we’re not officially “poor” at the moment. We’re actually ok. Barely. But ok. That’s how it usually is for us. We’re either broke or just making it. We’re almost never comfortable, but that’s mostly our fault for getting too extravagant of a house in Maricopa and spending too much money in Oregon. He did, after all, have some good-paying jobs. So much for counting on divine guidance, too!

Like I said, this is the West. So I have to wonder if barking wouldn’t be just as much of a problem in a retirement community whether we could afford a house there or not. It sure would defeat the purpose of living in a retirement community if they were just going to leave dogs outside to bark around the clock. And people definitely do things that make no sense. Dogs defeat the purpose of living in the woods in seclusion too, I suppose, but then again, I’m the only one bothered by the fucking things. They rarely bark when Jesse’s here. It’s when he’s out that they’re a problem, and he’s never home anymore. He’s in and out on weekends and appears to be gone about 12 hours a day during the week, which makes us think he’s working in Reno. That would be where there’d be more construction jobs too, which means a two-hour drive to and from work – ugh!

Even Tom’s not bothered by the barking having grown up in the West. I guess I was born and raised on the wrong side of the country! Yet I still can’t believe that most people wouldn’t find the dogs just as annoying as I do. If they were 400 or more feet away, then no, but they’re barely half that distance. We all have our differences as to what we find annoying and what we don’t, but I just wish I could make myself not be bothered by them! I’m not bothered by the frogs that go off when it rains and they’re just as loud. Different types of sounds don’t bother me as much, but the day we can pick and choose what sounds do/don’t annoy us will be the day we can choose what genders we’re attracted to. Or what music we like or colors or foods. I tried to brainwash myself by telling myself that the noise would make the quiet times seem all the more special, but that was a bust. I’ve spent so many years in noisy places that a million years of peace could never be taken for granted. There are worse problems in life, I also tried telling myself. True. But this is bad enough. It makes no sense to compare problems. A problem is a problem.

Tom still insists that the dogs will get better and that Mondays will just be a little confusing for them, but I disagree. Totally. I think some days will be better than others (mostly the ones I’m sleeping through), but it’s not going to get better. If anything it’s going to get worse. Remember, Jesse wants to add yet a third dog to the scene. And the puppies that he’s eventually going to give away or sell are going to be a nightmare while they’re here. That’s like half a dozen dogs I’ll have to listen to!

I wish I could know if Tom was right about the debarker working. I still don’t think it will no matter what because yes, the West is riddled with barking dogs, but this isn’t just “bad luck” that’s been following me every place I’ve lived since 1992, it’s a curse. So whatever’s cursing me with this shit isn’t going to let any debarker get in its way. But I’ve got to try something, and the thing does have a money-back guarantee.

God, who’d have ever thought our own landlord would drive at least one of us crazy?! I’m not sure what’s worse, the barking or the engine gunning, although there hasn’t been much of the latter lately. Does everybody have a noisy landlord (those that live with them)? I wanted to make one more attempt to really spell it out bluntly for the guy and ask that the dogs be moved to the other side of the house, but you know paranoid Tom. He wants to wait until we have leverage, which could be months or years away. The more time that goes on, the more I doubt he’d do anything anyway. He already knows the dogs bark when he’s gone. If he gave a damn he’d have done something about it now that he’s aware of the situation. So I was wrong in hoping he’d want to work with us since we’re the ones paying him, and he runs the risk of losing good renters for bad ones. Guess he doesn’t mind taking that risk, though. After all, aren’t those who ride motorcycles risk-takers? Besides, he’d just get Maryann to do his dirty work for him. He’d still have to deal with it if they turned out to be a problem, but she’d be the one to have to meet and screen them.

I’m so torn between staying and moving, but right now we’re stuck here and we may be for months or even years like I said before unless we want to go from bad to worse and move to a dumpy old studio apartment. No thanks!

I miss living in a real home. A real, solid home. But that hasn’t been the case since we left Arizona. Since then it’s been nothing but RVs, motels, duplexes, a cottage-like house, more motels, and now this trailer. And I’m even sicker of having shit for space. I miss so many things like having a full-size washer/dryer readily hooked up. I miss having an extra half-bath. I miss dishwashers and garbage disposals. I miss having a normal cooling system that runs through vents and has a thermostat. I miss having an extra bedroom for the computers. I only want a couch, chair, TV, the rats, some collectibles, and whatever exercise equipment we may one day get in the living room. Even the way we have to hang the bathroom towels gets old! We have to hang them on a rack that hangs on the bathroom door. I’d prefer two separate racks for each towel, but there’s no room for that with the way this bathroom is laid out.

But no house that’s around 1000-1500 square feet and even has just a washer/dryer hookup is going to be under a grand in this state. Plus we’d have to pay utilities, plus there’d be tons more dogs and a whole lot more to listen to. I’d hate to give up this privacy and I love the way people can’t drive by. So despite all the barking, which is really the only problem right now with the rest being just minor nuisances, I’m not sure that having more space, appliances, counter space, plugs and other gadgets would be worth the noise and costs. Even if he got a great job right now and we could afford something better that was bigger and newer and just nicer all around, well, quiet or not, what if he got laid off? What if he got fired? He’s only been fired once, but if it can happen once, can’t it happen twice? Maybe some other place would also decide he’s not religious enough to work for them. Or maybe he’d be too white, too old, or just not sociable enough and too damn quiet. Even if the expenses were just a couple more hundred bucks a month, we’d probably be screwed. That’s all it would’ve taken to screw us here. Just a couple more hundred a month in expenses and the unemployment and stuff we’ve pawned and sold would never have cut it.

I was still a little tired so I went back to sleep after a couple of hours and got up again after 8:00. As I came awake, I tried to recall and make note of whatever dreams I could remember. In one dream I was being fitted for prescription glasses. A young girl was about to place a pair on me and she said “smile” right before she went to put them on. I don’t know why I had to smile to get my glasses put on, but anyway, it appeared to be in a mall somewhere and it was nighttime. When I was done I waited for Tom to get the car and then he dropped me off at our house (at least I get to live in real houses in dreams) and went to run a quick errand before coming home himself. The house was dark and I started to go upstairs (yep, it had stairs) to the bathroom. Then I thought to myself, I’m too tired to go to the upstairs bathroom in the dark, I’ll use the downstairs one (wow, two bathrooms!). Why I couldn’t just turn on a light beats me. So when I woke up I was hoping it was a sign of good things to come, but then I remembered my dream self thinking that it was a rental, not a place we owned, that was just 300 dollars and 4 cents a month. Only a microscopic studio in Klamath Falls, Oregon would be that cheap!

Wow, I’ve been typing this on and off for an hour now. Time to get a bite to eat.

Ah, that was good. Roast beef, veggies, smashed potatoes. I just lit a stick of incense, too. The White Ginger, I think I grabbed. This is the one guilty pleasure that I allow myself these days. I decided to order from SOS to get more for the money rather than IG. The question is, should I get the debarker first or the incense? Well, I’m not getting anything before mid-April.

I have a new sweeping method. I’m just not winning like I used to and am beyond fed up with the comment/blog sweeps at OLS and with most of their prizes being for kids. So instead of combing through hundreds of sweeps a day to get to the few gems they have, I’m just going to take advantage of the Shazam feature there and do the dailies, weeklies and monthlies until my membership expires. In the meantime, the only newbies I’m doing there are in the ‘big prizes’ and ‘instant wins’ sections. Everything else I’m now doing at that other site. I still may not win, but the prizes are for adults and I don’t have to leave a fucking comment or review just to enter. Or say what I would pick if I won a few bucks of credit at some stupid store. The other site does have some essay and recipe contests, but you mostly fill and submit forms which is just the way I like it!

No classes for me tonight. I wanted to take a break and get some other things done around here. Besides, all hell is going to break loose in less than an hour. I can work on my story then, but not the Italian. With the Italian, I need it quiet in here. With my story, I can just throw on the sound machine and “hiss” the dogs out. It won’t kill me to miss a day of classes every now and then anyway to let past lessons sink in. My long-term memory and my eye for detail are still fantastic, but because I’m older now my ability to memorize isn’t quite as good, and sometimes it requires a few takes for things to really register. I still remember most of what I’ve learned, but I should take a break to review flashcards and study some of this whacky grammar.

I thought I hit a plateau of 130 pounds and that’s where I’d be staying so long as I didn’t get lazy or start eating like a pig, but I’m dropping again. After I first hit 129 for two days in a row, I spent two days at 131, then at 130 for over a week. Now I’m back to 129. No working out for me today, though. I woke up reminded that different workouts work different muscles and that I’m 43, not 23. That means that my hips feel like someone took a bat to them because I decided to take advantage of the cooler weather we had two days ago and run in motion as opposed to stationary. I would mix the two more often if it wasn’t so hot some of the time. I like motion running for getting it out of the way all at once, but scattered bursts of stationary running are definitely easier on my joints. I fail to remember at times that just because I’m in shape for running doesn’t mean my joints are!

SUNDAY, MARCH 22, 2009 Halfway through my day yesterday, which was the middle of the night, I was 50% through the beginner course with a 78% accuracy. The grammar is much harder than English and I had to redo (after I figured out how) the magnet exercises. I’m 58% done now with an 80% accuracy rate! The next lesson, plus the first part of the one after that is much easier and like learning languages should be for me - not that hard. My biggest weakness is my speech right now and my biggest strength is my spelling.

The dogs were going off right before 9am, right before I crashed. Tom, who got up at 10:00, said he only heard 5 minutes of barking in the afternoon when a hailstorm started. I know they’ll get bad again as soon as I get back on days and that thinking it was just an issue of the female being in heat was just wishful thinking, so I’m staying on nights as long as I can. There’s no way I could do the language program with them distracting me.

The two coats didn’t sell, but the other 3 complete fashions did better than expected and sold for $62 total. One’s going to Texas, the other to Ohio. One hasn’t been paid for yet so I can’t say where it’s going. Right now we have some books listed.

SATURDAY, MARCH 21, 2009 I am now currently 38% through the course with a 77% accuracy rate that could be a little higher had I known how to do the “magnet” test correctly in lesson one. I tried to redo it, but it wouldn’t let me. You can only review past lessons, but not redo them. So far I’ve done first nouns, negatives, adjectives, plurals, numbers, most of which I already knew, and careers, which completes Unit 1.

As fun as it is and as exciting as it is to learn, I have to remember not to overload my brain circuits with too much too fast, so I set a limit of 3 lessons a day.

As for those who review my writing, they agree the quality and grammar are good while the spelling, not surprisingly, is excellent. Yeah, I’ve always been a good speller.

The plurals and masculine/feminine tense thing drive me as batty as it does with Spanish. We describe a dog as brown or dogs as brown, but with Italian, you must pluralize descriptions if you have plural nouns that come first and it just seems like a stupid waste of time. So dogs aren’t brown, they’re browns.

There are two ways to say these and two ways to say this, and with just the last letter different in each word (questi, queste, questo, questa) it’s very easy to get confused. Same goes for words like girl, girls, boy and boys (bambina, bambine, bambino, bambini). No s’s or es’s allowed.

The more I get into it, the more I develop various strengths and weaknesses. Usually, the hardest thing to do when learning a language is to understand it being spoken, but that’s been fairly easy so far. I’m doing well with reading, listening, and with the magnet exercises which is where you drag and drop the words into a box to form a sentence after it’s spoken to you in your native language. It’s my writing and speech that are not doing so well.

I looked at their list of languages. They don’t have Hawaiian, but after I do the Italian, I thought I’d do the French in which I have a slight head start. Then I’ll do Portuguese, Japanese, Korean, Mandarin Chinese, then possibly Hindi and Icelandic, but I’m not sure about those two yet. That would be a dozen languages! Scary, huh? That 10-year-old back in 1975 who first heard Linda Ronstadt sing in Spanish and thought it was so beautiful that she just had to learn it will have come a long way. This ability really helps make up for the things I’ve been cursed with. It balances things out like my ear, my sleep problem and things like that. This is a definite gift from God. Just a true blessing to be able to do this as learning languages is said to be one of the hardest things a human being could ever do. I don’t expect my first non-European language to be too easy, though! I wish the grammar was the same in all languages. Then all we’d have to do was memorize the words, but I guess that kind of makes it all the more impressive if you can learn it.

I can’t believe all this is free! It’ll be interesting to see how complete it is. I can’t tell right now because as I said, there’s no jumping ahead. They do have a premium upgrade, but from what I read, I don’t want the 3 extra things you get with it, so it’s not worth the $30. Still not bad considering that most language programs are hundreds of dollars. I paid something like $120 for the Spanish books and records I got when I first moved out on my own. Anyway, you get feedback from certified tutors, but I already get enough feedback from native speakers, some of whom are certified tutors. You get MP3 downloads for when you’re away from your desk, but if I’m not at my desk, it’s cuz I’m busy doing something else. Lastly, you get live group tutoring sessions and you know I hate “classes” of any kind and that I do better when I teach myself which is what I prefer anyway so I can go at my own pace.

Just like it’s good to keep physically active, learning is a good way to keep the brain active, and believe me, learning 50-100 new words a day will do just that! I could enroll in more than one course at once but have decided to do one language at a time.

I’ve been neglecting my story and workouts since being directed to this site, but I’ll make sure I divvy up my time better starting tomorrow and get back to all my usual things. The only thing I cut back on is the sweeps. There are just too few good ones these days and too much competition. I do, however, make sure I enter the biggies and the instants. Instants are time-stamped so the number of entrants doesn’t affect the odds.

I slept till 7pm and Tom said it was quiet all day which doesn’t surprise me. Had I been up all day the dogs probably would’ve gone ballistic. It was cold and rainy so Jesse didn’t even go out on the motorcycle.

I dreamt that Tom was talking on the phone to someone about a potential job. Then I later listened to a message left by whoever he had spoken to earlier saying that she had an 18-year-old with two kids to consider as well. I then thought, oh great. There goes his chance of getting the job since people are hired based more on their personalities and personal lives rather than their qualifications.

I also dreamt that we were living somewhere in the mid-eastern part of the country. Tom said we should move up to New Jersey to be far enough below New York in order to avoid the crowds there, but high enough above the Florida crowds, and I insisted I didn’t want to move there because it was too cold.

Ok, I’m off to report to class!

FRIDAY, MARCH 20, 2009 After working all week, Jesse’s decided to spend Friday night out, leaving us to deal with the barking. Tom says he was surprised that they didn’t go crazy today what with all the activity around here. Yeah, I knew I was due to be woken up anytime now since it had been a while. And why is it always 4 hours into my sleep? Did I kill someone in their fourth hour of sleep in a previous life or something? God, I hate that number!

Anyway, I awoke to a fierce vibration around 11:00 and at first we couldn’t figure out what it was. We only knew it was a helicopter of some kind, and every time it would fly over it would hover nearby for a while. My first thought was that someone escaped from jail or prison or had just done something and they were hunting for them. Then I got hit with paranoia and worried my ex-tormenters were up to a few of their old tricks and it was us they were scouting out.

Then it flew on and Tom went to Goodwill to see if they had anything worth selling on eBay (they didn’t). Then I heard the helicopter return and hover in back. I got up and looked out the bathroom window and that’s when I saw linemen climbing the power tower up on the summit. It turns out that the helicopter was airlifting supplies and parts in for them to do whatever they were doing. I was amazed they didn’t cut the power, but Tom later told me that that tower doesn’t supply electricity here but to other towns. It was really frustrating because they kept coming and going every few minutes. I wasn’t sure they’d let me get back to sleep, but I was too tired to be functional in any way so I jammed an earplug in my good ear and that helped. It didn’t block the vibrant rumbling, but it blocked the non-vibrant sounds.

Breaking up my sleep ended up pushing my schedule ahead 4 hours and causing me to wake up immensely hungry. So hungry that I knew that having a little something wouldn’t cut it. It ended up taking 1100 calories to curb my hunger that’s how famished I was!

I love the language site and it’s really cool how people review my lessons and praise what I get right and correct what I screw up. At first I wasn’t keen on the idea of having to play review for others, but it only takes a minute and I appreciate the help I get in return so I help when they request it.

It took me a while to get the hang of how it works, but now that I’m familiar with it, it’s really amazing software! I wish I learned Spanish this way. It has a good variety of teaching techniques. You hear words, you match pictures to words, you type, you speak. Only my microphone isn’t working right now so I have to submit a blank audio file. I wish I could skip the spoken part altogether, but it won’t let you advance to the next lesson if you do. With this program, there’s no jumping around, no cutting corners, no cheating. If you feel the need to do that then you shouldn’t be learning languages anyway.

I can also save flashcards.

So now I’m a few dozen Italian words smarter. Yippee! I’ve completed the first 4 lessons of Unit 1’s beginner level. You put in your levels for the languages you know. You choose from beginner, intermediate, advanced, fluent and native. I consider my Spanish to be advanced. I don’t consider myself as fluent as a native. I had to laugh when Tom said I speak what Italian I’ve learned so far with a Spanish accent. Yeah, it’s hard to break that habit, alright. During the written part when I’d sometimes forget new words, my mind would automatically want to fill in the blanks in Spanish or apply Spanish pronunciation. Either way, if someone had told me as a kid, even in my early 20s, that I’d one day learn Italian while living in California and receiving help from Italians in Italy, some of which are real certified teachers, I’d have laughed my ass off!

Italian plurals are definitely harder than Spanish plurals. With Spanish, you usually just add an s or es to the ends of words, but with Italian, you practically change the whole word! Or at least the last part of it.

I thought the only European languages were English, Spanish, French, Italian and Portuguese, but then Tom pointed out others like German. That’s right, it would be a European language considering where Germany is located. I can’t bring myself to learn any language I find ugly, and personally, I find German to be pretty ugly.

For random thoughts, I’m sick of some people having large families! It only adds to the population crisis, and drains more resources that are getting more scarce and precious by the minute, and well, kids aren’t something you “collect,” you know? So what’s wrong with just one or two if you’ve got to have them?

THURSDAY, MARCH 19, 2009 Well, I may be forever stuck around 130 pounds, but I’ve officially begun learning Italian! I posted a thread on OLS asking if anyone knew of any good sites that were free. The first response I got suggested going to the library. Then someone directed me to LiveMocha which seems promising. A little complicated till you get used to it but definitely promising. The only thing I don’t like is that it’s also a social network where you help each other learn, but you don’t have to utilize that part of it.

They don’t have a convenient way of letting you learn multiple languages at once, so I’ll just do the Italian. Then, since they don’t have Hawaiian, I’ll probably re-register and learn more French and then maybe tackle the Japanese.

Anyway, I’m excited to get on with my lessons!

Io sono grassa (I am fat).

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 18, 2009 Not as many flies today, though we still had some.

Tom’s feet are much better and he’s finally starting to lose weight. He thinks his feet were aggravated by lack of exercise and too much weight gain. He learned by accident that going meatless helps him to lose weight. He ran out of hotdogs and Bologna a few days ago and noticed a significant drop since then. As for myself, I could never give up meat. It wouldn’t do me any good anyway. For me, it’s all in the calories. I think I’m going to be forever stuck around 130 pounds without near-starvation in my upcoming menus, but oh well.

The dogs are continuing to be wonderfully quiet, and yes, Jesse does appear to have returned to work. His truck wasn’t up there when Tom came and went, and I know we wouldn’t have gone two days without hearing the motorcycle in weather such as we’ve had. So I guess it was a heat issue.

By the open bathroom window earlier this afternoon I could hear hammering at the freeloaders’ place, so I guess they did move and now it’s just a matter of time before we have to deal with whatever replaces them. Tom says he thinks it was coming from one of the places next to them, so we’ll see. I do see a light on back there now which I wouldn’t think would be on if it were empty, so who knows for sure? I’m just glad there hasn’t been any shooting and that the dogs haven’t been roaming around loose. This is why I think they moved at some point. I just can’t believe they’d quit their shit out of the goodness of their hearts. They wouldn’t have given us any shit in the first place if they gave a damn about others.

Out of curiosity, I check Facebook every now and then to see if any new names pop up I’m familiar with or if any that disappeared have reappeared. I don’t know if it means anything but there are two new James Ss in Phoenix, one with the middle initial of M, which appears to be Stacey’s James’ middle initial.

Interesting. Hmm… do they want something from me?

TUESDAY, MARCH 17, 2009 Jesse couldn’t have returned to work today. It was too quiet. The longer he stays out, though, the quieter it will be and the sooner we’ll have the extra money for the debarker.

The only thing that doesn’t fit with him being home is the lack of motorcycle activity. Why wouldn’t he have gone out on the motorcycle at least once if he wasn’t working today? The weather was gorgeous. And why no 6:00 barking which is when he seems to bring the kid home? And if he still intends to bulldoze down here, why wouldn’t he have taken advantage of the free time and good weather we had today? Tom thinks he did work when I just asked him his opinion. Well, I hope he’s right cuz if so, then those dogs caught on unbelievably fast this time around! He’s also pretty sure the chaos was mostly over the female being in heat. Well, Harley man up there better fix that bitch good as soon as she drops! And yes, I’d still like one of the puppies. At least I’m pretty sure I would. With Tom having had his own dogs, he would know how to care for it. I only lived with dogs as a kid and they were my parents’ dogs. Those were poodles.

I wish Tom could get a job! Not just for more money and insurance (although I wouldn’t count on the insurance), but because I miss having the house to myself at times! Even those who get along with who they live with like to have space at times, you know? But month after month he’s always been right there. That’s the only part that may get old when he finally does retire. I get up, he’s here. I shower, he’s here. I work out, he’s here. I work on the computer, he’s here. I eat, he’s here. I go to sleep, he’s here. Yet if he’s gone this long without being able to find anything, I doubt he’s going to anytime soon. Thank God the unemployment was extended!

We’ve been invaded by flies, having to kill over half a dozen a day. A while back there was this foul odor in the bathroom. I thought it was coming from the pipes or something as it had a very septic-like smell to it. Now we’re thinking a mouse died somewhere under the bathroom near an opening and that’s the reason for all the flies. We may have to bomb since there’s no way to tell exactly where they’re coming from.

The last round of incense I won is on its way. This time I chose Angel, Hugo Boss and Magnolia, as opposed to Chocolate, Brown Sugar and Fast Cash. It’ll be interesting to see what other goodies he throws in.

Last night’s dream was strange, but it was a house dream, so strange or not I hope that’s a good sign! It seemed to be on some land somewhere as opposed to a retirement community, and about as big as our last house in Arizona. But what was strange was that there were not only houses kind of close by, but we were renting it out first because we couldn’t yet move into it ourselves for some reason. I just remember telling the people not to poke too many holes in the walls with decorations, and no kids were allowed to be around either. LOL

MONDAY, MARCH 16, 2009 Again I woke up at the same weight. Maybe that’s because I made myself exercise after all yesterday.

Jesse came down today with his boy in an old dumpy car we’d never seen before to give us notices the power company left about them turning the power off Saturday night. So that was scheduled maintenance work that they did. But why the notices now and not before they turned it off?

He said he should be returning to work tomorrow, and I said something about the dogs letting us know this. Then he said, “Yeah, they’ll bark,” and I’m thinking, gee, you may as well add that you don’t give a shit whether we like it or not. But instead, he said he “tries” to keep them quiet. How can you leave them outdoors, take off, then say you try to keep them quiet? It’s obvious to me that between the barking and our ignored requests to be called before coming down for non-emergencies, the guy’s just a typical self-centered person who couldn’t care less about others.

Tom assures me they’ll settle into the routine of Jesse being gone during the daytime, but I don’t know about that. If it does, it’s not going to happen overnight. After all, he did work in November and December as far as we could tell and it was bad the whole time. The female being in heat may’ve been part of the problem, but either way, I’m sure it will be quite a circus until we either get the debarker or move if it doesn’t work and he refuses to move them in back or inside the house altogether.

God, I wish we could just move to a retirement community! NOW!

I’m not sure why he’s got his kid here for a few hours each day, but I guess maybe the mother works late or something.

We listed a handful of doll fashions on eBay yesterday. Two coats, a bodysuit and jeans outfit, a gold pant, vest and jacket set, and a ballroom gown. So far they’ve all got watchers but no bids.

SUNDAY, MARCH 15, 2009 There’s nothing like the sight and sound of the power coming on. Especially after you went without it for 7 hours. It went out at 10:00 last night. When it didn’t come back on in 15 minutes, we called up to Jesse and woke him up (haha). He said he had power which was a little disheartening. Especially when we could see that the mansion on the hill had lights on and our breakers hadn’t appeared to be tripped in any way. This made us think something happened where the electricity splits between our place and his which could mean that something broke that may not be quick and easy to fix. But then when Jesse got up and we called him back a little later, he said that no, he didn’t have power and could see that the neighbors above him didn’t have any either, so he called the power company.

From there on out, all we could do was wait. Tom fell asleep shortly after verifying that it wasn’t just us, but I lay around bored for a while. My iPod was dead so I couldn’t listen to music. I was about to fall asleep when I realized that if the power came on after I fell asleep, the place would be alive and jumping as things tried to play catch up and I would be woken up to the sounds of the heater, the water tank, the water dispenser, the refrigerator, and the lights coming on, so I made sure the bedroom light switch was off. Then I ran the sound machine on batteries. It was 63º when I crashed.

It was still dark when I woke up to pee and then could see by the clock radio that was flashing that the power was back on, so that made me happy. Then I fell back asleep till noon when Tom said he woke up cold right before 5:00 which was when the power came back on. It had gotten down to 58º in here.

I had been worried about our food spoiling, especially the dairy products, and the auctions getting fouled up, and my sleep too, although Tom does have an inverter that would’ve allowed us to get online for a half-hour if need be. We have 3 days to get the stuff shipped out from the time they pay, we just wouldn’t have been able to answer any questions we may’ve gotten too easily. Anyway, Tom laughed and said, “That’s what you do.” He pointed to the rat and said, “He begs, you worry.”

We are now officially out of the desperate zone after making nearly $300 to date in eBay sales! We were certainly semi-desperate anyway. Another doll is going to Tennessee, and that’s Angelina. Just when we thought Tyler wouldn’t sell, someone in New Mexico grabbed her at the very last minute. The teal dress is going to New York, the blue dress to North Carolina, and the red dress is dropping down to San Diego.

The dog situation here is never going to improve on its own, so here’s what I’ve tentatively decided to do about it. Sometime in May, we should be able to get the debarker. If that doesn’t work from down here, we’ll ask Jesse to put it up by his place. If that fails to work, or he says no, then we’ll look into moving as soon as we can afford to. I figure noise is noise, so if we’re going to have to listen to it anyway until and if we can get into a retirement community, why not do it in a bigger, newer place that just might have room for a full-size washer and dryer?

Meanwhile, do I still want a dog of our own even though it sucks that we don’t have an enclosed yard for it? Yes, I do. If I’ve got to listen to the barking everywhere we go, why not have some of it be our own for a change? And like I said before, it would be nice to have a pet that lived longer than two years, even though we don’t know for sure that we’ll even get offered one.

It’s not that I dislike Jesse’s dogs, it’s that I don’t like him leaving them outside 24/7 and annoying me when he leaves. When he’s here they rarely bark. It’s when he goes out that they can be a problem, and like everyone in the world but us, he’s in and out a lot lately. He’s gone from always being home to hardly ever being home.

Tom’s going to be paying the pawnshop $70 to extend his Mac and TV for another few months, but I don’t think he’s going to get them back. I think he’s just paying $70 so that they can sell them for over a grand. I hope I’m wrong, though!

I ended up being the same weight I woke up at yesterday, but tomorrow I’ll definitely be up because I’m being naughty and lazy today and am getting watery as I do before my period. I just don’t have the energy to work out today and I need a break from the dieting every now and then. So I’ll just deal with the two pounds or so it’ll set me back to.

SATURDAY, MARCH 14, 2009 Right now I’m pissed at Tom for lying to Jesse – or starting to until I came out and contradicted him –by saying “no” when he asked if the dogs ever barked all day. All had been fine until then as Jesse had obviously done something to lessen it when Tom first mentioned it to him over the phone, but now things are back to the way they have been with the on-and-off barking sprees, some lasting too long for comfort. Now that Tom’s made me look like a complete idiot, I can’t say anything about it now and be believed. Now he’s got Jesse all confused by not telling the truth as to the extent of the barking.

Why is he so kissy-ass when it comes to neighbors?! It really frustrates me! And when am I going to learn to do things my way and stop giving in to him? I wanted to slip Jesse a note months ago and I stupidly let him talk me out of it. Now, though, if I try to tell Jesse it’s bad again, he’s not going to know who to believe. Sure, there’s still a chance he may not have given a damn anyway. He may’ve very well come out and said, “It’s my place, my dogs, so if you don’t like it, leave,” but Tom playing things down shoots any chance of him caring enough to do something now.

My first thought was to hell with getting a puppy if we’re offered one! I spend so much time trying not to have to listen to other people’s dogs, so why would I want to listen to my own? On the other hand, if I just let it bark and bark and bark right outside here, it’d make other dogs seem like nothing. Hey, why not? No one would mind. How could they when they’re all doing the same thing; letting their dogs bark.

I should’ve known better than to sweat my schedule over Jesse and that “tomorrow” really means weeks or even months from now because he hasn’t been down with the bulldozer.

We had some warmer weather, but it’s going to rain again soon.

Still nothing in the way of wins, but this really comes as no surprise when 80% of the prizes are for kids. Freddie, a regular on OLS that everyone loves who is in a wheelchair and a computer wizard who helps anyone who needs it, sent me a link to another sweeps site. Although I didn’t like the layout as much and it didn’t have a Shazam feature to open multiple sweeps at once, it looks very promising. Most of the prizes are for adults, and if things don’t change by November when my subscription expires at OLS, I am not renewing. As Freddie said, the MODS think it’s funny as hell posting 5 pages a day of blog sweeps, but a lot of members don’t think it is and so they’re not renewing their subscriptions. Well, I know I’m not renewing mine if things don’t change, and I doubt they’d be this way this long if they cared enough to change things. Until Brent, who everybody hates, starts giving a damn about his members, he’s just going to keep losing them. When the money starts dwindling, then maybe he’ll care. All I know is that I didn’t join OLS for designer burp cloths, I didn’t join to leave comments or reviews, and I didn’t join for “friends” either. They’re not MySpace, Facebook or Kiwibox! Yet they’re fast becoming little more than a social site for moms. This other site is just a sweep site for all. They do have forums, offers and ads because it’s free, but it’s still a lot like the old OLS, the one I happily joined 4 years ago. So unless it too, changes at any point, I’ll be going over there at the end of the year. I don’t need a Shazam feature so much anymore since I quit wasting my time doing tons and tons of dailies.

I just talked to Tom and he said they were talking about two different things. He said Jesse was asking if they barked all day during the last week. I thought he meant before that. Either way, we’re not escaping the barking curse anytime soon, so we may as well get our own and join the club.

Now I’m even more pissed at myself for fucking up my diet today. I had around 1600 calories so I’ll be up tomorrow, even though I exercised, and even if it’s only by half a pound. Why am I so damn hungry some days?! I want so badly to try to puke up what I just ate, but Tom is always here!

Later…

The cure for the 600 extra calories I mentioned having in my last entry was to run a total of an hour. I usually do 20-30 minutes a day. But after getting carried away, I decided that rather than sit around and mope about it, I’d do an additional half-hour run and I did. My feet were a little hot, red and sore afterward, but I just rubbed lotion into them and then they were fine. I actually got more protests from my hips, but they’re fine now too, sitting down, resting comfortably. So that was about a 3-mile run altogether today, maybe a little more, and about a 600-cal burn.

Jesse came back on the motorcycle around 7:00 and I haven’t heard anything since. The last fit they took, which was the only one that was really annoying because it lasted more than just a few seconds, was because some other dog went off and stirred them up. I just worry that it’s going to be bad again.

Anyway, Angelina now has two bids, but Tyler still doesn’t have any. We’ll just have to see what happens in 19 hours when it ends.

THURSDAY, MARCH 12, 2009 Still no bids for the Tyler doll, but everything else has bids. Little red doll dresses are quite popular on eBay!

Well, this may be a good thing, but nothing’s guaranteed yet. Right after I got up (I’m glad he waited till then) Jesse bulldozed the drive. The rains have created ruts in the steeper areas and so he’s smoothing things out. Yeah, I figured that with him still out of work and the weather warming up and drying things out he’d have a hard time sitting still, but at least there hasn’t been any wild engine gunning, as tame as that was compared to how bad the dogs had gotten.

So he came down to let us know he’d be bulldozing and weeding around our place since weeds are a fire hazard around here in the summer. This is going to take a few days, so I wish my schedule wasn’t quite where it’s at right now. I wish I were getting up early in the morning, but instead I’ve been getting up late in the morning.

Sure enough, he’s also going to have to touch up the porch roof because it leaks in some spots. I don’t think he’ll be doing that anytime soon, since the rains should be pretty much done till the fall.

I thanked him for whatever it was he did to calm the dogs down, saying it’s been great the last week, so I guess Mr. Harley Man is smarter than I gave him credit for and he did “get it” when Tom mentioned the increase in barking over the last few months. When Jesse went to ask if they were barking all day when he was out, it was like Tom wanted to play it down, but I told him the truth and that sometimes they would, but reminded him that it’s been great lately.

He hasn’t seen the renters’ dogs and wonders if they’ve moved. That’s what I sometimes wonder myself since I haven’t seen them and there hasn’t been any shooting, although I swear I sometimes hear a dog in back there that sounds like one of them. I’m just glad they stopped trespassing on this land!

Anyway, I asked if his female dog was pregnant yet and he said she is. Then I asked what he was going to do with the puppies and he said he was hoping for a brown one (the female’s mostly black, the male mostly brown), and that he may sell some but we could have one if we wanted.

At first I was a little alarmed at the idea of him having 3 dogs for fear of it being a real circus up there, but Tom feels certain it won’t be.

As for us getting one, well, I guess it’s up to fate at this point. Yes, I would like to have a pet that lived longer than 2-3 years like rats do, but not if it’s going to interfere with my sleep. I think we could probably work with it somehow. Like maybe we could put it outdoors when I’m asleep or when we’re out. I like that it’s a medium-sized dog. Not too big to be scary, but not so small you gotta worry about stepping on it.

Not much in the way of dreams last night. I deleted my ‘dream’ journal because I can’t always remember my dreams, and some are too hard to really describe. So I guess I’ll just write whatever dreams I do remember and that isn’t too vague to put into words.

I came home from some job in the late afternoon, again miraculously able to keep a schedule. The only bad thing was that it appeared to be an apartment in the middle of a strip of apartments that I was living in. I had a cat that greeted me as soon as I arrived. I was happy to see it and I thought about how I could get used to the routine I was currently living.

I keep thinking about this puppy thing. Yeah, the idea is kinda growing on me. Is there a baby doggy growing right now for us? Hmmm… Well, if we’re meant to have one, we will. I hope it works out! If the average dog lives 15 years, then I’d be 58 when it died. That’s a long time compared to rats! Also, if we ever went away somewhere, I would think Jesse would be ok with looking out for it. Then if we ever bought a house in a retirement community, we’d have to work something else out, but that’s quite a ways down the road and may never even happen. It still might be worth it if it’s a good pet that’s going to live quite a while.

I guess it’s likely that we’ll at least be offered one since it’s unlikely the dog would have just one puppy, and he didn’t seem to have anyone else in mind to give them to. These would be the perfect rats to break a dog in with since they’re too destructive to be allowed to run around loose anyway. It’s not like we could never have other rats if we wanted to, we’d just have to keep them separate from the dog. I would make sure I still gave these rats enough attention to let them know their mommy still loves them. Well, one of them anyway. Bendejo is still way less sociable than Puerco.

As for the barking, we’d not only still get that debarker device, but it would be less stressful with our own dog barking than someone else’s. It’s like with music. Most people would rather hear their own as opposed to someone else’s. With your own pets/music you know what’s going on and you have more control over the situation.

If we do get one, I suppose it will be months from now. According to my online research, dogs are usually pregnant for 60 days. Then I would think they’d need to nurse for at least another 60 days.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 11, 2009 Not a whole lot going on right now. All I can say is that it’s been dead quiet save for a saw off in the distance that didn’t last long. Jesse’s truck wasn’t up there when Tom went to pick up the mail, so maybe he was out with the dogs.

I dreamt last night that the gays lost their appeal to have Prop Hate overturned (I hope that wasn’t a premonition!), then I was at some camp that my parents seemed to have sent me to near some beach, even though I was an adult. I was amazingly able to keep a schedule too, and was apparently having lots of fun at this place, despite the hordes of people and strict schedule and structured routine. To make it even more interesting, one of the camp counselors seemed to like me, although I wasn’t very attracted to her in return.

Then it was off to another dream I could do without. No, not my tormentors from Arizona, and no motels, but we were living in either a duplex or an apartment of some kind. I went to fetch something from a closet and was startled to find that there was a gateway leading to the adjacent unit in the very back of the closet. It was a very long, narrow space that stemmed from the back wall of the closet, but a thin person could easily squeeze through it if they wanted to. I was suddenly alarmed at the thought of someone from the other side coming through to our side, but then I looked and saw that there was a lock on the closet door. I just needed to be careful what I put in there, I told myself.

Once again discouraged by the lack of wins, I haven’t done much sweeping today, though I am on quite a roll with my current story.

TUESDAY, MARCH 10, 2009 Yesterday we never heard one single bark. Today, we heard a few barks after Jesse left on the motorcycle, but that’s it. They are getting better at not carrying on for too long, but I still wish we didn’t have to hear them at all. I’d settle for just once a week, though. When I went to hang towels right after Jesse left, I yelled up at them to be quiet and they stopped. Plus, Tom was out there rearranging the shed, so I think they felt less alone knowing people were close by.

Tom’s ankle is better today and the swelling in his feet went down after spending a couple of hours organizing things while I cleaned the living room, changed the rats’ cage, and did some laundry. It acted up a bit after he got off his feet, though. He may have problems with his feet, but at least he’s gone the longest without a cold since I’ve known him! Like over a year now.

He also dropped the doll off at the post office so it was a productive day. It’s nice to have the living room less cluttered now that our eBay endeavor is slowly winding down. All we really have left to sell at the moment is a few more fashions, some books, and maybe some turquoise.

The propane guy amazed us by coming today, so that’s one less thing to have to worry about for about 6-8 weeks.

It got warm enough to keep the heat off for the day, but not enough to open windows. The car is so shiny and clean after all the rain that’s been dumped on it.

MONDAY, MARCH 9, 2009 Poor Tom is in pain right now. His feet are still mysteriously swollen, and when he was out running errands today he felt a pop at one point in one foot, and now he can hardly walk. We tried soaking his feet in warm water and massaging them after putting ice on them, but it hasn’t helped. He’s decided that come next Walmart run in about 10 days, he’ll try an over-the-counter water pill if it’s not better by then. He thinks it may have to do with varicose veins, a problem his dad had. I just hope it doesn’t hinder his getting a job should that opportunity ever arise!

In less than a week since my last drop to 130 pounds, I am now officially in the 120s! Barely, but I’m there. I woke up at 129.8. I’d say it’s definitely the change in exercise regimen that’s accelerated things. In a few weeks when we have extra money, I’ll dye my hair and take pics. So that’s 18 pounds down but at least 19 more to go!

All has been quiet so far today, but since I usually jinx myself when I write that, I don’t want to get into it much.

Let’s see…what else? I sort of missed posting daily entries on Kiwi and all the cool colors that go with that at their site, so I started back up with it. I figure that sometimes I’ll post there often and sometimes I won’t. It’ll depend on what’s going on.

We’ve been cleaning around here and trying to organize things. We don’t want to spend the $12 right now to take things to the dump while we’re this broke, so instead, he just took in some recyclables and got $9 for it. I just wish he wasn’t here so much! He’s always here and that makes it hard for me to concentrate on certain things and it gets old having him in the way when I’m trying to clean. In most rooms, it’s not an issue, but in this tiny place, there are only so many other places he can go to get out of my way.

He also called the propane company and they said they’ll be out tomorrow or the next day which really means the end of the week or beginning of next.

Sydney’s going to New York tomorrow.

SUNDAY, MARCH 8, 2009 Right now it’s a very pleasant sunny day and we have the windows open while up in Klamath it’s 34º and snowing! LOL

It was gorgeous when we went to the store, too. A little chilly in the shade, but nice in the sun.

I almost felt like a whole new person at the store. I’d see things I used to get in the Klam and remember how I’d worry about my weight, not knowing if I’d ever know what to do about it. Well, I’ve grown accustomed to my little homemade timer diet for the most part, and another 10-15 pounds lost will seem almost like I’ve gone on a free shopping spree once I can finally wear the shorts and other items I haven’t been able to get into for years. I’m now just three-tenths from 129 pounds! Changing my exercise routine also seems to have helped accelerate things. I don’t want to take progress pictures till I dye my hair, though, and I want to wait at least a few more weeks for that.

I may’ve forgotten to mention getting new sports bras at the store. I’m down from 38 to 34.

Meanwhile, I don’t know if Jesse really did get it after all or if it’s just a coincidence, but this is the longest we’ve gone without having to hear the dogs. Is he just home all the time? Taking them out with him in the truck? Doing something else to shut them up? I don’t know, but I know I like it! It’s like old times. I haven’t even heard the motorcycle which is also nice, although the dogs had gotten to the point that they made that seem like nothing.

The doll and fashions have less than two hours to go, then we list some more!

Oh, shit! He’s leaving on the motorcycle right now, so there goes the peace.

Later…

It stayed quiet after Jesse left on the motorcycle at 4:00, but only till 7:00. Then the dogs went crazy for about 15 minutes before he returned. But then they started right back up for a few minutes afterward. Did he turn around and leave in the truck?

The same person won both fashions for a little over $20 and they’ll be on their way to Wisconsin as soon as they pay. Not sure where Sydney’s going yet, but she sold for $41.

We ended up listing the Tyler and Angelina dolls, plus 3 fashions. A red dress, a teal dress and a blue dress. The red dress got a bid right away.

Tom will have plenty of errands to run tomorrow. I don’t know if he’ll be going to the post office as that’ll depend on how soon the items get paid for, but he’s got to pick up bedding for the rats, pick up our mail, drop the recyclables off, and call for propane. Unfortunately, we’ll have to call the same unreliable people out because the other places won’t come out for just $100 worth. So being poor means dealing with poor service. Because there’ll be some sort of problem to delay things as always, we’re calling them a little ahead of when we’ll actually need them.

Within a few days, I should hit down in the 120s! Tom thinks my losing 17 pounds is a huge loss, but not to me. Not after losing 45 pounds like I did when I was 19. Although, and as Tom pointed out, losing weight at 43 is a far cry harder than losing it at 19.

SATURDAY, MARCH 7, 2009 Yesterday turned out to be a pretty good day. While I was waiting in the car for Tom to check the mail, however, I felt sort of like I was taking an unwanted trip down Memory Lane. Although we had food, a little bit of cash, and didn’t have to scramble to pay for another night in a motel, I was back in that Carmichael parking lot, waiting to see if Tom would emerge from the mail place with our much-needed debit card so we could access our money. Despite reminding myself that I hadn’t had any bad dreams the night before warning me of any impending trouble, I was surprised to find myself shedding a few tears of relief when Tom returned to the car with the unemployment check. And yes, we’re now getting an extra $100 a month, so that’ll help. We are going to be a little tight next week, however, but that’s because it’s propane time (we’re going to get $100 worth). We’re used to being strapped anyway. It’s nothing new. Just the story of our lives.

Anyway, it’s nice to have a full refrigerator and the rest of the rent paid! Tom left it in the box, called up to Jesse, but got his machine again.

We were going to send Paula’s package out Monday and I was going to hope she really would send $10 like she said she would, but instead I’m sending her a letter first to let her know that because we’re broke right now, I’d like her to send the $10 first, then I’ll get the package out to her within a couple of weeks. I also let her know we’d be setting up an email account for us to use.

Walmart was mobbed, of course, and there were tons of screaming kids, but it was nice to get out.

Sydney has an amazing 18 bids now and is up to $41, $10 more than the last doll. One of the fashions has 4 bids and is up to $15.50. Sunday we’ll be listing the last two Tonners (Tyler & Angelina), plus all or most of the fashions I have left to sell.

I won a Cheerios gift basket at a blog sweep. It’s just a coupon for a box of banana nut Cheerios, a bread pan, a couple of cereal bowls, and a fruit basket, but nice. Now that I finally know how those damn sweeps work, and now that I’ve enabled the site administrators to be able to see my email addy with which to contact me if I win, I’m entering those once again. They do have better odds, since most people, including myself, hate these sweeps. I hate having to leave comments for most sweeps these days, but I also didn’t want my email on display for the whole world to see either. And since the sweeps suck in general these days, I figured this would be better than nothing.

So many sites let you blog these days that I decided that one of the email sites I use would be yet another good place to back things up. This one lets me put up to 150 pages of text per post and the software isn’t too shitty for copying/pasting like in some places.

It’s been amazingly quiet the last few days, though I don’t expect it to last. I’m surprised I haven’t heard the motorcycle since it’s been sunny and dry. Maybe he’s been taking the truck more so he can finally get the fucking dogs out of here and give us some peace.

Tom made some revisions to the BOT I use to play slots with on Kiwi, and it’s been more efficient so far.

FRIDAY, MARCH 6, 2009 I always thought politics were rather twisted and complicated. How could it have ended up on the ballot in the first place if 6 months prior to last November the state deemed it unconstitutional for gays to be denied the right to marry??? I just don’t get that. And how could ND have had abortion rights on their ballot? Roe vs. Wade says it’s unconstitutional for a woman to be denied that right.

Why is this world so crazy and so full of control freaks?! I always try to ignore those who feel they have to judge me or try to make me someone I’m not, but when it’s issues like this that could affect almost anyone, it’s kind of hard to just ignore it. If the gays lose that’s really gonna help pave the way for other groups, including Jews, to become targets of discrimination as well. See why I’m concerned?

Amazingly, Sydney now has 12 bids and is up to $31.

I have about 3 more hours to sit and stress over our unemployment check. I’m not nearly as stressed out as I was in the motel when day after day our new debit card failed to show up and allow us to access our money, but until the money’s in our hands, I won’t fully relax. I tell myself, “Relax anyway. The worst that could happen is you don’t get it, Jesse kicks you out, and you guys kill yourselves to escape the streets, sparing yourselves from another 40 years of poverty and other bullshit.”

But that old survival instinct makes it easier said than done. Still, I have to wonder how many more years we’re going to have to be teased with our survival. How many??? I haven’t had any bad dreams or vibes, and since they haven’t failed us yet, I’m sure Tom’s right in that it’ll be at the mail place today. There’s nothing we can do about it either way. All I know is that I’m not paying any late fees if Jesse asks for them. I don’t think he will, though. Especially since he’s in the same boat we are, and we paid half the rent early. It’s just that while the last few days have been quiet for the most part, I’m not paying late fees for barking I didn’t come here to listen to!

THURSDAY, MARCH 5, 2009 The good news is that we got the horseshoes, and the bad is that we didn’t get our check. Tom says not to worry and that it will be here tomorrow. I hope he’s right! I haven’t had any bad vibes or dreams, but still, I hope he’s right. Even though we saw Jesse’s truck up there (and one of the dogs), Tom got a machine when he called up there to let him know the check didn’t come today.

I didn’t just get 1 horseshoe, but 4 horseshoes, and also an equestrian magazine and a small bag of raisins which I gave to the rats.

Since we don’t have the luxury of living in a normal house, we had to use a special kind of adhesive to get the horseshoe I chose above the door. The trailer has aluminum siding and so we couldn’t drive screws into it.

We now have 18 positive feedbacks on eBay. The fashions now have a bid, and Sydney’s got 6 bids! She’s up to $23.

The Supreme Court down in San Francisco has started hearing arguments to overturn Prop 8. I still can’t believe people have nothing better to do than control who other people marry! Tom says he thinks the gays will win because it was already legal for them to marry when they stole their rights.

To me it’s not just about gay rights, it’s about human rights. If this doesn’t get overturned, then that opens the door to discrimination for just about anyone. Anyone’s rights could then be taken and given at will and tossed back and forth like a fucking football.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4, 2009 I went to bed at 132 pounds even and awoke at 130.8, so I did right by not having that entrée I wanted at the end of the day. It’s been going even slower than I realized, though, once I scanned back in my journal. More like a pound a month instead of two. I hit down at 132 on January 9th but didn’t hit 131 till February 4th, and then it took me another month to get here. This means I may not hit 110 till November of 2010, but better later than never.

The one thing to help dampen the excitement was the dogs, of course. I got up at 2 AM. Tom didn’t crash till nearly 4:00 cuz he took a nap in the afternoon that screwed up his schedule. I looked at the clock then and found it sad to know that in just a few hours the wonderful peace and quiet would be gone. At 7:15 I turned the sound machine on knowing it’d start any minute. At 8:30 I went out to pee. Sure enough, they were going off.

If only I could know that yes, the debarker will work! That would really take a lot of stress off me, but I really don’t think it will. I just don’t see how it could work from down here. And I don’t think they’ll settle down after he’s bred them either. I think this is just a curse that’s been on me for many years and will continue to follow me all of my life no matter where I go.

TUESDAY, MARCH 3, 2009 All was quiet yesterday, but now the dogs are going off for what could be anywhere from 10 minutes to 10 hours. And even though it’s pouring rain, windy and cold. I love all this rain, but I’m sick of the cold and I really miss summer! I miss wearing shorts and not having to wear socks and be bundled up in my robe. I miss the cooler pumping in fresh air, too.

Tom has a point in saying that part of the barking could be the breeding issue going on. At first I was confused, not sure why a dog in heat would go off cuz of it, but then he said, no, the other one. Now why didn’t I think of this before? It makes perfect sense, not that I’m not any less annoyed by it and sick of being put out by someone else’s actions, activities or way of life yet again. Just why is it anyway that the way of other individuals – and sometimes the whole damn world – often affects me? Yet nothing I myself could say or do could possibly disrupt anyone else’s life, not that I’d want it to. People live their lives, and it affects me. I live my life and it affects no one. Strange, really strange.

Just when I thought we wouldn’t get that horseshoe, the lady we bought it from said it was returned and that she was going to try to get UPS to forward it. If not, she’ll pay to have it shipped to the correct address, since as she admits, they didn’t check their email when we tried to tell them PayPal screwed up by sending it to our old address which we’d already deleted.

As I was falling asleep yesterday, I was wondering which would it be; would I be stuck in some motel? Or would my old tormentors come to haunt me in my dreams? But it was neither. What I got instead was a rather unique and interesting twist. A definite fresh breath of air for a change. I was young again, the partier I never was, and torn between two lovers. I’d just moved into what seemed like a fairly good-sized house with Chick A. About half a dozen guys and gals snuck in through an upstairs window to party, one of whom was Chick B, who wanted me to dump Chick A for her. I tried to shoo the partiers back out the window before chick A discovered them, something I obviously thought she shouldn’t do. I assured Chick B that I would tell Chick A that I wanted to leave her as the group left via the window. Next, I was down doing dishes and weighing the pros and cons to both chicks in my mind, not sure I really wanted to dump Chick A.

Later…

I wasn’t going to write again today, but I’m trying to decide whether or not I should eat anymore today. I’ve already had 600 calories and if I don’t eat anymore, I’ll hit a new low of 130 pounds when I wake up. I usually lose 1½ pounds in my sleep. But the 450-calorie entrée I’d like to have right now would bump me up a pound to 133.5, which would mean I’d wake up just under or above 132 pounds. Maybe I’ll compromise and have something else that’s lower in calories. I gotta have something. My stomach’s growling up a storm!

Sydney now has 4 bids and is up a buck and a half to $21.50.

You know you know a lot of Spanish when you wonder what the town called Sonoma could mean, decide there’s no such word and that it’s just a name, then check your dictionary and find you are correct!

MONDAY, MARCH 2, 2009 Sure enough, the chat with Jesse has fallen upon deaf ears. Or upon someone who just doesn’t get it or give a shit. I’m still not sure which is which just yet. They didn’t get carried away for long periods of time yesterday, but I heard them too often for comfort. Because it was only 8:00 I could just make out the truck’s engine as it left and that stirred them up for a few minutes. Then they were off to bark again a few hours later, then a few hours after that. It only lasted a few minutes at a time, but still, we didn’t come here for this! We don’t need this shit and no one should have to listen to other people’s dogs like this. If they don’t mind, well then fine. But I mind. There’s no excuse for this shit or any reason why he couldn’t put the dogs inside when he takes off.

So now I’m racking my brains trying to figure out what the best move would be to take next. I could slip the idiot a note similar to the one I wanted to slip him in the first place before I was dumb enough to let Tom talk me out of that method. This way he couldn’t interrupt either of us and could read it at his own leisure. Then there’d be no way he wouldn’t get it unless he didn’t want to or was dumber than Paula.

I could ask if he’d be willing to put the debarker up at his place if we pay for it, though I’m not sure I like that idea. It’s his dogs making the racket, so he should pay for it.

We could wait till Tom gets a job and then give him the “maybe we’ll move if you don’t shut them up” ultimatum.

I think that in the end, if the debarker doesn’t work, we’re just going to have to spell it out bluntly for him and take the direct approach. I really think this guy’s just incredibly stupid. A lot of people with his kind of personality tend not to be very bright. I’m good with people in general and I recognize his type. He’s the kind you practically have to shake by the shoulders and scream your point in his face as bluntly as if you were talking to a dumb or stubborn child. Tom would’ve played things down too, when he mentioned it, giving him the idea that we’re just curious about it as opposed to annoyed. I am, anyway.

Tom said he thinks it’s his coming and going that stirs them up. But then what about the times they go off for hours on end? Fortunately, we don’t have too many multi-hour barking sprees, but if it’s his coming and going that’s stirring them up, why didn’t it stir them up this much before a few months ago?

I’m hoping they’ll settle down once the weather warms up again, but if not even the rain can put a damper on the barking, why should the heat? If anything it may be worse in the summer cuz we have to have a window cracked for the cooler. Then again, we could also run the fan over the stove, too. Now we can’t, though, or it’ll suck the heat out of here.

Tom says he still swears he hears another dog either beyond or at the side of their place that they’re responding to.

And only when he happens to be out?

Got a letter from Paula yesterday. Her father in Florida died at 84 years old. His heart arrested, I guess. He didn’t have any money to leave her, just pictures and memories, as she put it.

She said she can’t remember her password to get into her email account and wants me to help get her a new one. As I’ll tell her, I won’t be able to get her a new one, but we can set up an email account that we’ll give her the password to that we can both use. That way if she forgets the account and can’t get back in, I can get in for her. We’ll set up emails and passwords that are easy to remember.

She’s also asking for Barbies, good luck charms, DVD movies, and a postcard of the beach in California, and she will send money (some people aren’t exactly shy to just ask for shit!). Well, that’d be nice! I hate to ask her for money after losing her dad and all that, but with the $750 in fuel assistance money she’s getting, she’ll be doing better than us for a while. Especially since she could afford to buy her grandson Chase a highchair like she said she did. We need every extra dollar we can get. It’ll cost around $10 to ship her a package and right now even $10 is sort of a lot of money for us to be spending. But yeah, it’d be my pleasure to send the 11 Barbies I have just sitting around taking up space that I can’t get any money for, plus some unwanted incense and a few other odds and ends.

She sent me a picture of her in the wedding dress she wore when she married that psycho who ended up in jail. It’s a beautiful dress. I wonder how she afforded it. She’s gotten pretty big, though, the poor girl.

Emilie got 2 bids and sold for $31, and the dress got 4 bids and sold for $20. What’s funny is that Emilie’s going back to Oregon. LOL! Not to K-Falls, though. She’s going to Portland.

Sydney was listed last night, along with a pair of pants and a sweater. No bids on the fashions yet, but Sydney’s got a bid. We had to drop her from $29 to $19, though, because of her mold. She doesn’t have jointed wrists. Besides, in this economy, it’d be very unlikely we’d get much more for her judging by other listings.

I’m back in motels again in my dreams. Last night’s motel was so bad we had to change rooms 2 or 3 times. Then when it came checkout time, the housekeeper was impatiently waiting to do our room as I was packing us up. Only problem was that every time I thought I had everything packed, there’d be a whole new pile of stuff to have to pack! There was just this endless pile of stuff to pack and then Tom called sounding rather unhappy about something, but the connection kept cutting out.

SUNDAY, MARCH 1, 2009 Still on the verge of hitting down at 130 pounds, but don’t know when I will for sure. Probably within a few days. It’s going sooo slowly! I’m only averaging a 2-pound loss per month, but better slower than never. I’m estimating I won’t hit 120 until August if I keep on losing, and 110 won’t happen till January. I didn’t realize it was going to slow down this much.

Some clothes that were too tight are now either fitting nicely or very close to it.

Tom said he only heard a few barks yesterday, but it’s too soon to say whether or not Jesse gets it. Or if he gives a damn. He also said I shouldn’t worry about when he goes back to work because they’ll settle into a routine once they realize he’ll be gone most days.

I hope my mid-month vibes are right about Tom himself going back to work!

Emilie surprised me by getting another bid. There are 9 hours to go yet. Today we’ll be listing another doll, plus a couple more fashions.

The only bad thing was that I had another “black” dream. It didn’t have anything to do with my perpetrators down in Arizona, I don’t think, but it still wasn’t a very thrilling dream at all. God, I hope nothing’s trying to warn me of any kind of trouble to come! I’m getting killed in my dreams, and last night it was possible charges of murder. I don’t know if I really killed the person I was supposed to have killed, but it was almost as vivid and detailed as the one where my uncle killed me and other family members. I’m not sure if Tom was in it, but my folks and Charlotte were, and they seemed to think I was guilty.

In response to my defending myself, my dad said, “But you said so. You told us you didn’t like blacks.”

I said, “But that doesn’t mean I feel I have to go out and kill them as long as they - or anyone else – don’t attack me. Besides, it’s not about their color, it’s about their behavior.”

Then I said something about how I’d already decided that I’d accept how things turned out and that if I went to jail, ok. If not, that’d be ok, too.

Then my mother said, “Well, if you go to jail you’ll never be able to hurt anyone again.”

I said, “That’s not quite true. When I was in before I had to behave even though there were a few people I wouldn’t have minded getting into it with so that I could see Tom and get my commissary. But if I’m going down for life, then I can fuck up all I want.”

Then she repeated more lies she’d heard from the media. She believed them, but I knew they were lies and so that’s when I got fed up with the media and decided to have a talk with them. So a second later I’m in a crowded room that looked like some sort of diner. I spotted some woman I supposedly knew, or knew of, sitting at a booth. She could see I was upset. I slid in next to her, ignoring whoever was across from her. She somehow knew I was involved in a case that was getting media attention and that was why I was there. Then she said, “Well you’re either Jennifer Sprigs or…”

This is the first time I’ve ever dreamt of being addressed by a full name.

I cut her off and told her who I was.

She seemed both surprised and unhappy about learning who I was, and that’s all I can remember about the dream.

If I knew they were dreams and not actual warnings of trouble to come, even if it’s nothing to do with what I dream about, I could live with it. It’s actually kind of nice to be able to wake up from nightmares as too many times in real life it was the other way around. I wished to hell I was in the middle of a nightmare I could wake up from, but my situation at various times was all too real.

Do I think they’re actual warnings? No. I’d say almost certainly not. I haven’t had any bad vibes when I’m awake, and I haven’t done anything wrong either, not that one necessarily has to ask for trouble in life to receive it.

[goo-d-tama]

My Flop Era: Is Lowkey Serving | Act 1, Entry #24

23 August 2022

    Capt cakKe's friend came for a visit today. We have already met him in the PH about 15 years ago when Capt cakKe and Tia Fei got married, as he was invited at the wedding. I do remember him being drunk at the reception. Lol. It's amazing he still recognized me and Meifei after all that puberty (not that puberty did its magic to me). For convenience, let's name him "WAP".     We did a road trip. We went first to a beach in Saga. The view is good but the kaisendong we ate at a restaurant on top of a hill overlooking that beach is heavenly. Kaisendong is like a big bowl of sashimi (of your choice) with rice, like a big ass sushi but unwrapped. I noticed that wasabi had grown on me. Japanese soy sauce seems incomplete now without it.     And then we went to this farm-park-garden thing that WAP really wanted to go to, but we didn't stay there for very long because although it was windy, the sun was in the mood to "sun" that time, which was around 1PM.     After that, we went to another beach with windmills, like in Ilocos (A coastal city in the PH).     Finally for dinner we ate.. a lot of dishes, I can't remember them all because I got tipsy. Lol. [PS: I got an allergic reaction the day after. We had sushi, noodles, but also.. egg pudding and karaage (chicken poppers). Iam allergic to chicken and eggs. Lol.]     I think we did a hajime mashite kanpai? I don't know but I was ordered a Nihon-shu (very similar to soju) and now, my new favorite alcohol ever.. I introduce and recommend you.. U M E S H U. Technically, umeshu is a wine because it is derived from the fruit "ume". Yes, that's also the name of my ex from high school. Lol. I really liked it, so much so that I finished the whole glass before the food came. Lol. This is a reminder: eat first. Don't drink with an empty stomach. No matter how good the drink is. Lol. I also remember another food I liked called yaki onigiri. It's just plain onigiri with soy sauce but grilled. So the outside has this smoky crust that's just *chef kiss*.

Read the whole thing here.

[caruliaa]

okay waitt i’m really sorry i havent replied to ur asks from tn:((!! its just somehow rlly later and i wanna go to sleep early enough to vc and to properly change my theme to lyle lyle..!!!!!!! but before i do go to sleep i want to say that well you are such such an incredible friend ad person flappy like you are sososoo good and kind and understanding and thoughtful and supportive and lovely of a friend and make my wholeeee world better and brighter and warmer and more full of care my beloved💕💕🫶🏻 and im really so grateful to know you both bcuz of that and bcuz you just are a really lovely person like you reall are soooo amazing and good and amazingly good and;;;; i really love you sooooo much i hope u know that i do and that im here for u andd!!! ilysmmmmmm (hugs you tight if u wld like that! 💕🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻💕💕💕💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻💕💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻💕💕💕💕💕🫶🏻💕💕)

dw love i understand that sm ofc !! and yea ii. alsoo wanted to wake up early for the april fools lyle ifcation of my blog until i woke up before my alarm so decided to get a little more rest and woke up at 1pm 😳😳😳 soo thats funnn FJFJFJDJ its fine im j telling myself if i slept that much i needed the rest (although i should also not go to bed at like 4am DJDJDJDJ) anyway omg i went on a bit of a rant huh FJFJDJ and ough omg ur so so sweet love ;; i hope you know im really so so glad that i can be a good friend to you and be thoughtful and supportive and and understanding and make ur life better and warmer abd stuff love i rly am ;; becuase you really do deserve it so so much love and just becuase i really do just wanted to !!! becuase you really are just soso wonderful and amazing and dear to me and i hope you know that you really are the same to me and are just soso thoughtful and understanding and caring and good to me and must make me feel so so loved and cared for and safe and warm with you love and just bring so so much joy and light and warmth and love into my life dearest just knowing you and being your friend and spending time with you love and i hope you know that i really am soso grateful and lucky to know you dearest because you really are just so so wonderful and just !! you really just mean the world to me and i hope you know i really do just love you so so very much dearest !!! :'> *hugs you back rly close if thts okay* 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💕💕💕💕💕💕💞💞💞💞💞💞💗💗💗💗💗💞💞💞💞💞💞💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

[beelovesnct]

𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥: 𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐨'𝐬 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲

— [era: hello future] august 16, 2021

[12AM - The Dreamies' Dorms]

The moment the clock strikes twelve, a figure could be heard emerging from the other side of Aiko's bedroom door. There was a soft knock, yet without waiting for any response, he opens the door and struts in with evident laze in his steps.

Creating space for himself, he wiggles his way into Aiko's sleeping figure, pressing his body against hers in an effort to find adequate heat in Seoul's gruesomely cold mornings.

"Hi." He starts, earning a grunt from the Neko-member as she recognizes that voice anywhere despite being masked under its unusual grogginess.

"It's so early, Jaemin. What are you doing here?"

Instead of a reply, however, Jaemin simply hugged the female idol tighter, pecking her neck as he expressed a simple greeting.

"It’s your birthday. Happy birthday, Aiko."

[8AM - The Dreamies' Dorms]

Aiko woke up at around eight in the morning, rubbing her eyes lazily in an attempt to force herself awake.

Noticing the lack of another person's presence made the noises coming from the outside of her room, clear—the sound of a sizzling pan and boiling waters was successful in making the female idol mentally drool.

And so, with some daze in her step, she made her bed and went out, only to be welcomed by an embrace from her favorite (kind of affectionate) dream member.

"Happy birthday, Aiko." Aiko relented, wrapping her own arms by his torso as she places her chin on his shoulder—eyelids still feeling just a little bit heavy.

"Thanks, Jeno." She offered a small pat.

"Sit there, breakfast is almost ready." Jaemin voiced by the counter, pouring the hot seaweed soup in a more presentable bowl.

With a grin, Aiko complied, ruffling Jisung's hair as she sat down.

"Happy birthday, noona."

"Thank you, Jisung-ah."

[11AM - The Dreamies' Dorms]

"Come on, open it!" Chenle waved excitedly, hovering around the Neko-member as he waits for her to see what was inside his present.

Chenle came in early, despite having schedules with the members in the afternoon. He had greeted Aiko with a loud, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", the moment he came into the dorms; then proceeded to engulf her in a big hug before shoving a big box he, himself, wrapped the day before.

Aiko stifled a laugh, "Okay, okay, here I go!"

She ripped the wrapper open, revealing a very adorable strawberry-colored ukulele.

Aiko covered her mouth in surprise, "Chenle!" She called out, "How did you know?"

Chenle shrugged, feigning nonchalance despite the growing smile on his face.

"I saw you browsing the net the other day, and I heard you asked Mark for shop recommendations."

"Wah." Feeling incredibly touched at his effort, Aiko opened her arms wide, to which Chenle accepted giddily.

"Thank you, Chenle."

"You're welcome, noona."

The members had a fond smile on their faces as they watched their interaction, but of course, that had to be broken by a slightly jealous Jisung.

"Alright, stop getting all mushy with Chenle, open mine next, noona!"

[1PM - MNET Countdown Backstage]

"AIKO!" The sole Japanese member of NCT 127 shouted over the vast backstage hallways of MNET countdown, running up to Aiko with his arms spread wide open.

Aiko let out a soft chuckle, charging towards him with equal enthusiasm as she landed in his arms.

"Happy birthday!" Yuta greeted, twirling her figure around despite being in a relatively cramped space.

"Thank you, Yuta-oppa." She responded, patting his shoulders as he gently let her down.

She then allowed herself to notice the staggering number of boys behind Yuta's back, all with gleeful smiles as they approached the duo.

"Happy birthday, Aiko."

"Happy birthday, my favorite dongsaeng!"

"Happy birthday, our Ko-yangi."

Aiko grinned genuinely, "Thank you, oppa-deul."

With her reply, the boys then made it their duty to swarm the female idol with hugs and head-pats, and Aiko relished in all of them.

Although, Jaehyun got too excited and somewhat ruined the scene—at least in the older members' eyes.

"Our presents will be sent to your dorms later!"

"It was supposed to be a surprise, Jaehyun!"

"Great, now it's ruined."

With a chuckle, Aiko simply observed, and contrary to her stuffy and uncomfortable stage outfit, she felt utterly nothing but absolute warmth.

[6PM - SM Entertainment Building]

"Knock-knock!" Someone called loudly outside the practice room that Aiko was currently at.

Right after their schedule at the music show, the group was sent back to the building in order to polish the evident mistakes they had committed earlier that day. While it wasn’t a lot, perfection was necessary for their line of work.

And so, the dreamies—including Aiko, were relatively surprised, the moment they welcomed the WayV members barging in on their practice. Though, that surprise became mirth the moment Hendery started singing a chaotic version of Happy Birthday; with the other WayV members joining along as they approached the Neko-member, carrying a number of balloons and even a strawberry shortcake as they did so.

"Happy birthday to you~ happy birthday to you~ happy birthday, happy birthday..."

Even the dreamies couldn't help but join in the fun, "Happy birthday to you~!"

Since there was no candle (the staff told her to blow her cake during Vlive), Aiko simply accepted the cake, bowing full-on 90-degree as she displayed her gratitude.

"Thank you, oppa-deul."

Once more, another round of hugs and greets were shared.

[10PM - SM Entertainment Building]

"Hi everyone! I'm jumping in here on quick to say a few words about my birthday." Aiko began, making herself comfortable in the pink room that SM lent to her to film the traditional 'Birthday Vlive.'

"Thank you for everyone's greetings, I haven't felt that special in a while, but you guys have really outdone yourselves, I couldn't be more grateful." She spoke, happiness lacing her tone as she thought back to the enormous and varied fan gifts she received via the company's mail.

Fans knew she loved personalized items, so she had received a lot of art and even books with her favorite authors' signature on them—Aiko cherished all of them.

She continued to chat with the fans on the Vlive for about a few more minutes, before being abruptly disturbed by the sudden opening of the door.

"Noona, hi." Sungchan politely greeted, ushering Shotaro in as both of them carried a variation of Aiko's favorite dessert, paired with a floating balloon that displayed the numbers, '2' and '1'.

Noticing Aiko's confused and mildly surprised expression, Shotaro spoke up, "We brought you some gifts." He showed a smile, bowing a bit to the cameras in front of them before settling the cakes on Aiko's table.

"Thank you, guys." She expressed genuinely, patting the seats beside her, encouraging them to take a seat.

"No, it's fine noona. We have practice." Sungchan declined, making Aiko pout in slight sadness and guilt—feeling as if her gratitude was lacking if she just sends off the duo without anything.

And so, Aiko decided to give them both her very rare hugs, whispering in their ears, "I'll see you guys later at the dorms, okay?"

Before waving goodbye and let them exit the premises.

"Guys." She directed her attention back to the Vlive in front of her.

"Sungchan and Shotaro might have become my favorite members."

[12AM - The NCT 127 Dorm]

Bursting through Aiko's dorm room, and not even paying any mind to Jaemin's sleeping figure on her bed, Haechan loudly called unto Aiko —intent on inviting the girl to play a couple rounds of online games.

"Aiko, let's play!"

Blame it on the birthday atmosphere, but Aiko willingly agreed.

And so, here she was—figure laid across Haechan's bed as she borrowed Taeyong's laptop to play with the vocalist.

"Left, Donghyuck." Aiko called out firmly, too concentrated to actually face the member.

"Wait—I'm too far, I can't—" He panicked, eyes roaming around the computer screen, ideating what he could do to stay alive.

Unfortunately, even Haechan's sheer determination wasn't enough to make them win, as a few more shots fired later, both of them died.

"I told you to reload your gun immediately," Aiko scolded, sighing through her nose as she re-started the game.

"Ugh, I'm sorry. I never expected them to come out so brazenly, I was sure they were gonna hide for cover!" He groaned loudly, placing his hands on his face in utter misery.

Aiko simply let out a chuckle, "Well then, listen to me this time. The game's starting, idiot."

[3AM - The NCT 127 Dorm]

"So how was your 21st birthday?" Doyoung asked, placing himself beside the Neko-member as both of them came down from their high, witnessing the various members (who were able to attend) sprawled across the living room—some were asleep, some were still openly drinking, some were even dancing, but it was clear that all of them were utterly wasted.

Aiko took a deep breath, letting the scenery of drunken boys fill her vision before answering the member.

"Well, what do you expect, oppa?" She looked at him, straight in the eye, before breaking into a fit of giggles.

"It was absolutely chaotic, I loved every single minute of it."

[AN] Happy birthday to our super sweet and savage Aiko! <333 I had so much fun writing this GASHDASJKDFHJKASDF

[ambrosiaaddiction]

Not Meant To Be

Word Count: 2,107

Pairing(s): Anthony Bridgerton x reader, Simon Basset x reader

Summary: The Bridgerton family and the Duke have been invited to a picnic that was planned by yours truly. Tensions begin to grow, and things don’t go quite as you hoped they would.

TW: none

Part 2/6

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Today’s weather of sunshine and blue skies called for a picnic. I gave clear instructions to Cook that he should prepare a delicious meal and treats, including Simon’s favorite of gooseberry pie. I would never forget something so important about him because it always came in handy.

I then go to find our butler, Charles, and say, “Please send invitations to the Bridgertons and the Duke of Hastings, Charles. There will be a picnic at the park, and do tell them that it will be late at 1pm.” He bows in response, and repeated my words before he left to complete his tasks.

With a nod of satisfaction, I left the main floor then up the stairwell to change my attire. What I was currently wearing fell short of today’s planned event, and I needed to win Simon back. Once inside my bedroom, I closed the door and quickly strode to the wardrobe to see my options.

My thoughts roamed to the man who promised that we would spend the rest of our lives together, which made my blood boil with rage. Men these days were either too dense or too arrogant or had little backbone. Simon was a mixture of having a huge ego and vulnerable when he opens up to the people that know his true personality.

None of this was my fault whatsoever. I left for only a mere three months to study abroad in France, then I return to the ‘wonderful’ news of his engagement to a girl named Daphne Bridgerton. A trip to London hadn’t been something I expected for myself, but I came to the city for him and no other reason.

In truth, Simon technically was still my fiancé, although I knew there was an explanation for everything that took place while I was absent. As a matter of fact, he brushed off the situation like it was a speck of dust that ruined his perfect image to the desperate mamas and equally egotistical lords.

“Good heavens, I’m going to get wrinkles if I keep thinking about the “what-ifs” and not do anything to change them.” I huff in exasperation at my own foolishness, a bit disappointed in myself for having such thoughts when the damage had yet to be done.

After endless decision-making, I chose to wear a yellow dress with a simple pink floral design from the sleeves to the hem of its skirt, and I twirl in front of the mirror with a bright smile. It wasn’t a ball gown, but this would surely make Simon realize that he wants me more than anyone in all of Grovensor Square. It just had to.

I had to admit, the dress itself was too revealing for a lady of my status. Well, at least it would be just myself, Simon, and the Bridgertons alone for a picnic. A reminder to cover my legs repeated itself over and over in my mind, yet I had a feeling that I would catch the attention of everyone’s eyes anyway.

The clock rang the second its big small hand reached 12pm, which meant there was an hour left for preparations and riding to the park. “Marianne! Please call for the carriage, and tell chef to hurry!” I shouted into the air, and I heard Marianne reply from down the hall. Perhaps I was rushing for punctuality-sake, but a host or hostess must never arrive later than their guests.

It was a good thing that mama had long left for tea at Lady Farland’s estate, and papa was probably gambling at the gentlemen’s club again. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if he came home with news that he either won lost of money or lost a majority of what he gambled. No one could tell me that the picnic was meant to open Simon’s eyes and see just me in them rather than that so-called “flawless” Bridgerton girl.

Nonetheless, I had to get going before they gossiped of my tardiness if I wasn’t already at the location. Time seemed to blur from when I scurried down the stairs to gather everything I needed to when I got into the carriage and made it safely to the park. The next thing I knew, I was trying my best not to laugh at a discreetly explicit joke Benedict had shared amongst ourselves.

Anthony looked like he was going to strangle his brother or maybe he was going to give him a pat on the shoulder? I couldn’t tell because I was too preoccupied with devouring my favorite sandwich while I brushed my shoulder against Simon’s. Of course this got his attention, and he whispered into my ear, “Now is not the time nor place to play, y/n. Behave yourself.”

His warning provoked something inside of me, but there were too many people who would witness the indecency behind my innocent act. “My apologies, your Grace. I’ll be a good girl for you.” I whispered in reply, then continued to enjoy my delicious sandwich as though I did nothing wrong in the first place.

I knew what I was doing to him, and he liked it. He knew what would happen if I went further, and I was fanning the flames with fervor. “Is Daphne aware of our relationship? Sorry, I meant, what it was supposed to become? You know, such as getting married? Living together and in the country?”

Simon’s jaw clenched just like when he used to have me underneath him, calling his name and coming undone by his touch as I squeezed tighter around him. Those nights were by far the best I had ever experienced, and he treated me with such tenderness after we were spent.

“Don’t you remember the great times we had, love? Everything fell apart when I came to London and found you dancing with the red-headed girl in the moonlight.” I scowled under my breath, then I slowly calmed myself down before I could ruin this lovely picnic with a beautiful family and my old lover.

I needed a moment alone, so I stood up and sheepishly excused myself from the blanket before walking away. It was almost as though the night I found myself standing at the lake was repeating itself again, but this time, I knew where I was going and no tears would shed. No, this time was different than last. Instead of crying because I couldn’t control some situations, I chose to think about I would take back Simon for myself.

Seeing Simon chuckle and comment on every little thing Daphne said created small cracks on my heart. I couldn’t think of when he used to do that with me, and I close my eyes to forget all of the recently bad memories. Heavy footsteps approached from behind, but I was too distracted by the wrong Simon had done to me.

“Y/n, are you alright? You left so suddenly, and everyone is worried about you.” Anthony softly called out to me, his hand resting on my shoulder to turn me around and see the miserable state I was in. “I’ll be better, my lord. There’s no need to waste your worry on me.” I mustered a fake smile to dissipate his concern for me, but apparently he had dealt with heartbroken maidens before.

The Viscount gently pulled me into his arms, and rocked our bodies back and forth. I was speechless for I had no idea what he was doing, and yet I didn’t want him to stop. It felt pleasant to be comforted by a warm embrace that held a promise of always being there when it was most needed in times of anguish.

“You are a strong woman, y/n. You don’t need to act as though nothing can break through your walls. You’re still human, and that’s okay. Believe me, I know what it’s like to feel helpless.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and smiled when I pulled away to stare at him with wide eyes. I always knew what kind of man he was, but the side of him that I admired truly was a rare sight to behold.

What felt like an eternity of comfortable silence was interrupted by Eloise who came searching for her brother and I after he had been gone for too long. “Mama won’t stop spouting nonsense that you’ve gotten lost, brother. We had to stop her from creating a search party.” She snickered at the fresh memory, and it stopped when she realized that Anthony was hugging me unusually close to his chest.

I caught on and quickly pushed myself away, then I fixed my dress before thanking her. “Thank you for taking the responsibility, Eloise. You’ve found us alright, and I believe we best return to your family.” Anthony cleared his throat, a big embarrassed that the particular sister of his had seen something she would never let go.

“Yes, Miss Denbow is right. Let’s return before mother actually gathers a search party for three people.” He leads the way, and I smile awkwardly at Eloise as I walk past her. I then let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding in since she found Anthony and I, but I hoped that she wouldn’t mention it when we got back to the picnic.

Once there, Lady Bridgerton literally shed tears of joy as soon as she saw my face and brought me into a hug. What was with the Bridgertons and hugging? I could see Simon lean over to Anthony, his mouth forming the words, “Thank you for bringing her back safely.” Anthony nodded in reply, then sat down in between Colin and Benedict before he grabbed his glass of wine to take quite a long sip.

Well, it was back to where I started. I didn’t want to ask questions and make matters worse, but I knew that the current engagement wasn’t going to last for long. According to Lady Whistledown, Queen Charlotte was not convinced of the proclaimed love that everyone said Simon and Daphne shared.

I had to say it. Otherwise, I would lose the love of my life to a woman who gained Her Majesty’s favor, and I would be lonely until the day I die. “The Duke and I were once lovers, but now he’s going to marry Miss Bridgerton.” Complete and utter silence. I take in a deep breath before I continue.

“I had traveled to France for three months, and the Duke asked me to come see him here, in London. I truly thought that he was going to marry me, but I was proven wrong and a fool. He’s pretending as though we didn’t have a beautiful relationship before he chose to help her and she him.”

Lady Bridgerton was the first to break, and she began to stumble over her words while overcoming the insurmountable shock that I gave to everyone. Eloise tried what she could to stop herself from laughing, Benedict smacked her arm while he was struggling to do the same.

Colin couldn’t find the right words, and Anthony spat out his wine. Except for the two youngest children who were playing in a flower field, we adults all sat together with no help to describe what our mixed emotions were. “What is the matter with you, y/n? Did you even think this through before you babbled on about the past? If I had known that you were so childish, I would’ve left you a long time ago.”

Simon glared cold daggers in my direction, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The man who I loved was now a stranger with a much better woman than I, so there was nothing I could do now to take him back. “You’re right, Simon. I’m such a child, and I don’t know any better than to tell the truth when living a lie is all the more tempting.”

I gave my deepest apologies to Lady Bridgerton, promising her that I would make up for my demeanor with tea and a visit to the spa one day. I then said my farewells to the Bridgertons, but I didn’t spare the slightest of glances to Simon who looked like he was going to let out a fury of anger.

It served him right for playing with my heart, and if he was so play a part not meant for him that would end in heartbreak, then so be it. I knew someone who could help me make him regret losing me, and they were a professional when it came to such lengths.

Just you wait, Simon Basset. Just you wait.

[mystarmyangel]

[TRANS-THEQOO] 220910 [Big Mouth] Lim YoonA’s (Go Miho) acting that was well received in today’s episode.twt

At time of posting 11 Sep 1pm KST: 57.5K views, 314 comments (Will translate more interesting and non-repetitive comments)

1. With a gorgeous face and makeup, its paradise2. She really nailed it with her acting performance today 3. I got goosebumps watching itㅠㅠ 4. No, but really, YoonA’s acting has really improved in this drama. It is her best acting performance of all that I have seen.   5. You did well ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ 6. Wow really Miho ya, I know it’s not real, but my tears still flow downㅜ 8. Your acting is good and your visual is good too, I am surprised 11. YoonA’s acting is really amazingㅠ 12. Her acting in ‘Big Mouth’ has always been good. But today’s episode acting is exceptional. She did so well in the hospital scene as well 13. This scene and the last scene where her gum and nose bleed ㅠㅜㅜㅜㅜ Her acting is awesome ㅜㅜㅜㅜ 18. Wow YoonA, how did you improve so much... I’m crying f*ck 19. Her acting is really amazing today, the way she held onto the mayor Choi and cried crazily, and then how she seem to have lost her soul at the end ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ   22. Miyo yaㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ 24. Wow she is really good, daebak 26. I can’t forget her expression at the ending scene 27. Today acting is really insane. Miho ya ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ 34. I am fully immersed in it, save Miho ㅠㅠㅠ 36. To be honest, I was really surprised at how good she is ㅠㅠㅠㅠ the ending is crazy too 39. Today is indeed legendary ㅜㅜ 41. You did so well that I got emotional together with you. 39. Indeed legendary 44. (Insert the ending scene where Miho was bleeding) Can you add this scene in as well?? Her acting is so good here too. ㅜㅠㅠㅠSo frustrated 45. Its Miho and Minyoung ah... Lim YoonA, your acting is so good that it makes me cry ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ 46. Ha ‘Big Mouth’, I am behind on episodes, I need to hurry and catch up ㅠㅠㅠㅠ 47. I am amazed by your facial expression at the end 49. This scene and the ending scene, her acting is soaring 63. Wow.... 65. Miho ya ㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜ  You shouldn’t die do you understand ㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜI’m begging you, please don’t kill Miho ㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜ 67. I was feeling uncomfortable that she went into the contaminated cave without any protective gear, and indeed she is bleeding.. ㅠㅠDon’t kill her ㅠㅠ 68. Her acting today is really crazy ㅠㅠ She wasn’t bad before either but its just that she got even better this time.... 75. (Replied to 44th comment) Although I do not know the context here, but her acting is really good here, I can really feel the frustration 76. (Replied to 44th comment) This scene is daebak too ㅠㅠ 79. She is so pretty and good at acting, she is blooming again with ‘Big Mouth’ 83. The scene where she fainted and woke up and confirming that Changho is still alive is really good too 86. Even rewatching it again bring tears to my eyes ㅜㅜㅜI really think this is her life drama 88. F*ck f*ck Miho ya @!##!@!#!@

103. This scene was really suffocating... It’s crazy 115. She is pretty and she is so good at acting... It is my first time seeing the actor playing Mayor Choi. But he is also really good 116. I knew that he didn’t die, but you still make me cry. Really good job.. ㅠㅠ 120. From this scene to the ending, she really ripped it.. 125. Even though I didn’t watch the drama, but I am immersed in it and tearing up as well ㅠYoonA is really good at acting. 126. Don’t die Miho... 127. Miho is so good with the desperation actingㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ 132. So pretty, danced so well, acting is so good too, how.... shivering 135. You did a great job.. My dad and I cried ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 136. YoonA’s acting really improved a lot, it seems her emotions are richer now 137. Wow YoonA is good at every genre 138. You are really good. Your face is already persuasive, but you are also good at actingㅋㅋ 143. You are really goodㅠㅠ I know that Changho isn’t dead but I still criedㅠㅠThe last ending scene was really good tooㅠㅠ It’s purely expressing emotions without any lines.. 146. Miho who cries out of anger and Choi Doha who was laughing out loud, its an acting party... I am going to kill Choi Doha. 152. You did well, I watched ‘Confidential Assignment 2’ and it feels like a completely different person ㅋㅋㅋㅋ 157. You are really good... Initially I thought you are just doing okay but after watching ‘Confidential Assignment 2’ and ‘Big Mouth’, I feel like you are doing really well. It is really a plus point how your atmosphere changed completely according to different roles. 158. After watching ‘Confidential Assignment 2’ today, it feels like I am seeing a different person watching this. 159. YoonA is really at everything. ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠAfter watching ‘Confidential Assignment 2, I can feel that you really get better at acting 165. Wow, you are really good at acting. I am also enjoying the ‘Tears’ acting (?) performance by YoonA in ‘Amazing Saturday’ ㅋㅋㅋ 167. Good job YoonA. I can’t imagine Miho that is played by anyone other than YoonA 178. It didn’t even feel like it is acting, it feels like she came out really crying. I will binge watch the drama when it ends 189. Miho you are so good at acting, please don’t get sick ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

192. I don’t know the story, but I am crying.. You are so good at acting ㅜㅜ 193. You are really good. Your face is already persuasive, but you are also good at actingㅋㅋ 195. Write please save Miho ㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜ what should I do with Miho ㅠㅠㅠㅠ 197. Save Miho ㅠㅠChangho and Miho should live happily for a long time ㅠㅠ 198. My mum watched YoonA for the first time since Saebyuk (You Are My Destiny) and she said she is so good at acting now ㅋㅋㅋgood job201. I watched ‘Big Mouth’ ep 1 today, and it is fun right from the startㅋㅋㅋ YoonA’s acting is so good 203. There is a prejudice against idol turned actors. But the ones who break it is Lee Junho and Lim YoonA. I have always said she has exceeded my expectation for ‘Big Mouth’, but I am really surprised today because she did so well. 211. Oh, you are good, but I have never thought YoonA’s acting was bad before either.  But it seems like she is on another level now. I felt it from ‘Confidential Assignment’ 216. I am not a fan, but YoonA is good at acting. If you watch her drama, her acting isn’t that different from other actors. 217. Because she has very good dictation, so I have always thought she is good 222. YoonA has been good since Saebyuk. Her low tone and acting tone are so good tooㅋㅋ 223. She did a good job it is the very essence of Go Miho ㅋㅋㅋㅋ I have been liking her since 따따따 (EXIT). On the other hand, Choi Doha’s subtle smile is crazy ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ   224. YoonA ya ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ No, I mean Miho yaㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ 228. In the past, I have always felt like YoonA’s natural idol like image is too strong, so it feels awkward when she is acting. But this time really.... I have completely forgotten all those and immersed fully into it 229. YoonA is really good at acting now. I remember seeing her acting in ‘HUSH’ and she seems to blend well regardless of the genre, like ‘Confidential Assignment’, ‘HUSH’ or ‘Big Mouth’. 230. Wow, I was shocked to see her acting alongside Kwon Sang woo in ‘Cinderella Man’, and I have only watched ‘EXIT’ and I felt it since then, she did well. 231. I am re-looking YoonA again because of ‘Big Mouth’. Now I am curious of her future acting projects. 249. I am just happy to see YoonA growing more and more 259. It is easy to watch because she has good vocalisation. I am enjoying ‘Big Mouth’ a lot. 260. Really so good ㅠㅠI hope ‘Big Mouth’ will not end ㅠㅠ 263. I don’t know the context but just by watching this video I think she is amazing?? ㅠㅠ

Source: https://theqoo.net/index.php?mid=hot&document_srl=2576658434 Trans: mystarmyangel

[yehet-about-it]

Chase Me | Part 17 - Lock The Door Next Time

⇐ || ☆ Masterlist ☆ || ⇒

🎮👾 ~ The Boyz Social Media AU ~ 👾🎮

"Twitching" is a British term used to mean "the pursuit of a previously located rare bird." In North America it is more often called chasing...

Pairings: Changmin x Reader, Sunwoo x Reader

Warnings: 17+, language, some smut in later chapters, fuckboy!sunwoo 😉

Updates Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday & Sunday @ 9pm GMT/1pm PST

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Word Count: 3.1k (I am SO sorry... although I'm kind of not bc I lowkey love this chapter) Warnings: Mature content, may involve maStUrBaTioN, a whole lot of embarrassment and Chanhee having the time of his goddamn life bc its not him in the awkward situation for once 🙃

You sighed, dropping your unreasonably heavy camera bag on the table as you walked into the living room, Chanhee in close pursuit looking equally as tired. You’d spent several long hours at a shoot for a new project you’d been hired to do and had come back to the boys’ apartment to do some editing before you called it quits for the day.

“Should we order food now?” You called out as Chanhee went to his room to unload his gear and fetch his macbook for editing. You knew you needed to work but you hadn’t eaten since the morning and you couldn’t stop the thoughts of takeout food swirling around in your head. “Mm, the Chinese?” Chanhee replied sitting down across the table. “Can you go and ask Changmin if he wants anything while I set this up? He’s probably in his room.”

You nodded happily, perking up at the prospect of food and left Chanhee to upload the photos from the day whilst you went off in search of Changmin. He wasn’t in their gaming room as you walked by so you continued down the corridor towards his room. As you neared his door you could hear a murmur, and coming to a stop outside the room you recognised your name being called by Changmin, only it was ever so quiet, barely audible through the wood of the door, so you figured maybe it was just him registering your presence. Assuming he’d realised you were there, you swung the door open not quite expecting the scene that was presented before you. Changmin was sat on his bed, propped up against the pillows with his lips parted, hair hanging low in front of his eyes, and scanning further down you saw that his sweatpants were bunched low on his hips as his hand gripped what appeared to be a very hard erection. You let out a shriek as you realised what you had stumbled upon, immediately slamming the door back shut and racing down the corridor before Changmin even had chance to react.

“Oh my god, oh my god.” You repeated it like a mantra, your heart pounding from the shock as you slid back into the living room and into your chair opposite New. “What the hell’s wrong with you?” Chanhee asked in bewilderment looking at you as though you’d just committed the 7 deadly sins. “I should have knocked!” you squeaked burying your face in your palms in total, unfathomed embarrassment. You took a deep breath trying to calm yourself, but the image of Changmin’s hand wrapped snugly around his length, pleasuring himself as he uttered your name was well and truly burned into your brain.

“What? Why?” Chanhee asked, a puzzled expression forming from his features. “He- oh my word- he was- touchi- Ugh I can’t say it!” you whined. “He wasn’t…? Oh my god...” Eventually realising what had happened, a hysterical fit of laughter erupted from your best friends throat as you hid behind your hands, your cheeks most definitely flushed with the brightest pink. “Oh my god that idiot” Chanhee cackled, tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes from the sheer force of his laughter. You sank down in your chair a pained smile on your face as you couldn’t help but be affected by Chanhee’s reaction. “Chanhee what am I gonna do? I’ll never be able to look him in the eye again!” You wailed, the howling starting to dye down as Chanhee regained his composure. “Not my problem” Chanhee teased. “I’ll make it your problem” you replied stroppily, whacking him lightly on the arm in annoyance. “Ow!” Chanhee clutched his arm in feigned pain before proceeding to laugh at you once again. “It’s not funny Chanhee! This is so awkward!”

You had by now gotten over the initial shock of seeing one of your longest friends exposed like that, and now you were wondering how the hell you were gonna get over the awkwardness of the situation. But most of all, you were wondering why the hell he’d been moaning your name of all names and what that meant. Not that you were going to mention that to New. That would open a whole new can of worms and lead this conversation down a whole new road that you didn’t particularly want to explore, as well as give Chanhee even more ammunition for further teasing.

“That’s exactly why it IS funny.” Chanhee chided, whipping his phone out, presumably either to tease Changmin or get the Chinese menu up, or both. “Guess he won’t be joining us for the Chinese then?” You rolled your eyes at Chanhee’s teasing (though also legitimate) question. “Well it’s not like I stuck around to ask.” You crossed your arms as you gave Chanhee a warning glare. “Fine, I’ll ask him then.” He said, and your phone lit up on the table a moment later – of course he’d mentioned it in your group chat.

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Changmin had heard Chanhee’s cackling from his room at the other end of the apartment and had been mentally cursing for the duration, his face perhaps an even brighter shade of scarlet than yours. Of all of the awkward things to happen, the girl he liked and one of his best friends walking in while he was halfway to climax thinking about her had to be the most unfortunate. Firstly there was the problem of how he’d ever look you in the eye again, but secondly was the problem that remained below his waistline. You walking in hadn’t helped that of course. If it had been Chanhee or Kevin walking in, his stiffness would have gone in a split second, but despite the embarrassment of what had just happened, his length remained taut against his boxers which he’d quickly pulled back up in shock after your momentary appearance. He was no longer in the mood to continue, too worried about what you might be thinking, so he decided his only option was to go for a cold shower in the hope that that might fix it.

Before he had the chance to hop in however, his phone buzzed, showing a text from New. He groaned as he read the older boys words, knowing that he’d never live this down whining again when he realised the texts were sent not just to him but to your group chat. Thankfully Changmin had already eaten, although he wouldn’t mind a bit of Chinese, but given the current awkwardness he decided to pass up on the offer for food. He would probably be able to face you later but if he ordered food he’d have to sit with you to eat it, and the embarrassment was stilll far too fresh for that to be a comfortable affair, so he quickly typed out his reply and hopped in the shower to deal with the problem beneath his pants.

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An hour or so later you and Chanhee had just about finished your editing for the day and were tucking into your food, but you still hadn’t heard a peep out of Changmin. You sighed, finishing your bowl of jajangmyeon, feeling a little guilty that Changmin wasn’t sharing in the joys of your takeout food, all because you’d been dumb enough not to knock. “Hm maybe I should take him something” you sighed looking across all the cartons of food you’d ordered. Maybe he had actually eaten already, but there was so much, and you were sure he’d like some. “You’re not going to eat all that are you?” You asked Chanhee, nodding to the half full box of kkanpunggi in the middle. Chanhee just shrugged. “You sure you want to go back in there?” He sniggered as he asked the question, deliberately trying to provoke you. “No I am not, but I’m not going to avoid him forever just because I’ve seen his dick” you declared defiantly, making Chanhee almost spit out his boba as he doubled over in laughter. However awkward you were feeling, you’d have to face each other eventually. Normally you wouldn’t be so thrown off by something like this, for instance, you’d once accidentally walked in on Kevin going at it with someone one time when you’d stayed over at Sunwoo’s, but you’d just greeted it with an ew and laughed about it later. The only thing that had you feeling so utterly flustered was the sound of him uttering your name whilst he was clearly having some ‘time to himself’, but since you figured he wouldn’t necessarily be aware you’d heard that, you decided you’d be able to brush it off for now and pretend like everything was just peachy.

“Well just remember to knock this time” Chanhee quipped as you stood up, taking the box of spicy garlic fried chicken with you, picking up some of the spare chopsticks the restaurant had sent too. You grinned sarcastically at Chanhee, your eyes silently telling him he was an asshole, before disappearing off down the hall to Changmin’s room, praying that he’d be fully tucked into his pants this time. “Changmin? Can I come in?” you called as you knocked tentatively on his door. You heard some shuffling and low muttering before he answered with an uncertain “sure”.

Swinging the door open for the second time this evening you were relieved to see Changmin perched on his bed, fully clothed with an xbox controller in his lap and his headset to the side of him. You saw the overwatch character select screen flickering brightly on his tv screen too so you could only assume he was playing online with someone. “Oh you’re playing? Who’s on?” you asked quietly as you walked a couple of steps into the room, the carton of kkanpunggi still in hand. “Uh, just Eric.” Changmin replied, his eyes darting around the room as he struggled to make eye contact with you, for understandable reasons. “Hi Eric!” You sang loudly so he could hear you through the microphone. Though it was quiet, only coming from Changmin’s headset you heard a faint chuckle and Eric’s voice returning the greeting. “I brought you some kkanpunggi, I thought you might like some, it’s really good” you said, turning your attention back to the boy actually in the room.

Changmin’s expression softened watching as you stood there, proudly holding up the box of chicken and chopsticks. Even after what happened you were still thoughtful enough to bring him nice food so he wouldn’t miss out. What he wouldn’t give to be able to just pull you onto his lap and feed one other the delicious food, cleaning up any stray sauce with kisses. In his dreams he thought.

“Awh how come he gets chicken?” Eric whined through the headphones pulling Changmin out of his daydream. “KEVIN-HYUNG CAN WE GET CHICKEN?!” The sudden loudness of the younger boy through the headphones made you giggle, and you shared an amused look with Changmin. As bizarre as it was though, you were rather grateful for Eric’s random inputs which actually seemed to have the effect of relieving some of the tension in the room.

“Yah be quiet! I’m not even wearing my headphones and that hurt my ears!” Changmin called towards his headset shutting the younger boy up with an insincere sorry. “Oh it smells good, thank you y/n!” Changmin smiled sweetly at you as you placed the box down on the side table next to his bed. “That’s okay!” You replied, moving a few steps away again before looking nervously towards Changmin’s headset. You wanted to apologise for your earlier intrusion to get it out of the way, but you definitely didn’t want Eric to be witness to that, so you lowered your voice to a whisper. “Oh um, so I’ll be leaving in a bit, I just wanted to say sorry for earlier, I um- I should probably have knocked before I came in.”

Changmin could feel the heat rising in his cheeks being reminded of the earlier incident and although his hair mostly covered it, the tips of his ears were now definitely a blazing pink. “Oh-“ He was frankly a little stuck for words. He’d been sat in his room for the better part of an hour rehearsing what he might say to you in his head, but now you’d come in here to apologise, with chicken no less, he didn’t really have an answer for you. “Uh- it’s okay,” he mumbled. “Sorry you had to see that.”

Before it could get too awkward however, you snickered as you heard Eric and Kevin clearly having an argument about chicken faintly through the headphones still laying next to Changmin and you thanked your lucky stars that they evidently weren’t listening to you and Changmin’s awkward exchange. “Well I promise I’ll knock next time.” Changmin chuckled, running a hand sheepishly through his hair as you moved back toward the door. “I’ll let you get back to the game if those two ever stop arguing, I’ll see you later yeah?”

Changmin nodded and said goodbye as you slipped out to return to the dining table where New sat, a mischievous glint in his eye as he grinned at you. “On a scale of 1 to Eric talking to girls, just how awkward was he?” He asked, clearly trying to stifle his laughter. “Shut up New” you scoffed as you began picking up the empty food cartons to throw in the trash. This little shit was gonna milk this out for as long as possible and you weren’t here for it. “Well at least you didn’t scream and run out this time” he bantered, only to be met with a look of pure contempt from you as he passed you one of the empty food containers. “I am this close to pouring this black bean sauce all over that new balenciaga t-shirt Chanhee” you threatened holding out a carton that had the remains of some sauce wobbling about in the bottom. Chanhee jumped back covering his shirt with his hands, knowing that it wasn’t an empty threat from another time he’d pissed you off and you threw half a cup of peach tea all over him. It was a waste of the tea, but he’d had it coming. “That’s what I thought.” You proclaimed before disappearing into the kitchen to dispose of the containers.

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On your way home your head was filled with all kinds of thoughts about what you’d unintentionally just witnessed. All you really wanted to do was relax after a long day of work and carrying heavy equipment around, but all you could think about was your name on Changmin’s lips and what the hell it meant. Was it just an accident? Or if it wasn’t, did that confirm everything that Kevin had been telling you? Did Changmin really like you? There had been an undeniable vibe between you for the past few weeks, what with the increasing amount of time you spent together and the intimate moment on the roof last night, but until this weekend, you hadn’t thought about it much, your mind largely preoccuppied with your anger towards Sunwoo.

Your mind flipped through your memories with Changmin as you sat on the tube, trying to make sense of everything, and as you did so, it dawned on you. Kevin was right. Changmin liked you. Perhaps that was even what he had tried to tell you the previous night before Jeju had abruptly cut him off. You recalled all the times Changmin had sat with you and listened to you rant about Sunwoo, the way he’d been so angry the day after that one fateful party, and how he’d always been there waiting for you with a hug when you were down. It was a wonder you’d never realised it before. Perhaps Changmin’s warm presence in your life had just become so natural you never thought anything of it, but it was becoming increasingly clear that this wasn’t just two friends looking out for eachother. No, it was more than that.

You felt a heat in your chest as you processed this revelation, trying to make sense of your own feelings. You adored Changmin, but then who didn’t? The way his dimples made him look like the sweetest angel whenever he smiled, the way his eyes lit up whenever he discovered something really interesting, the way he couldn’t stop himself from giggling even at the most inappropriate moments. It was impossible not to like him. But then not everybody knew him like you. They didn’t have your relationship. Changmin had always been there for you, even though it was Chanhee you called your best friend and Sunwoo he called his. He always seemed to know exactly what you needed – when to give you space, when to give you hugs or when to make you laugh so hard you cried. Upon reflection, there was no one who came close to making you feel as happy and comfortable as Changmin did. You couldn’t think of a single occasion he hadn’t made you smile and you slowly began to realise… Was it possible… that you liked him too?

Then the thoughts of Sunwoo swarmed your mind. Did he know Changmin was into you? No of course not. They weren’t on the best of terms right now but you imagined it would be a hell of a lot worse if he did know his best friend was infatuated with his ex-girlfriend. If anything were to happen between you and Changmin, Sunwoo would be outraged for certain. But maybe that was what he deserved. He’d lost the right to an opinion on your life when he tried to get back with you by sleeping with you when you were drunk. Although perhaps falling for his best friend was a little far…

You leaned your head back against the glass of the subway train, sighing as your mind replayed the memory of Changmin’s breathless expression as his hand gripped his manhood. You kind of wished it would stop, not wanting the embarrassment of getting so worked up in public, but you just couldn’t tear your thoughts away from it. After your newfound revelation, you were getting dangerously close to imagining what had been happening before you walked in, and what sort of things he might have been thinking of doing – you nearly missed your stop in your dazed state but thankfully the announcement pulled you out of your thoughts and you rushed to the doors just in time to hop off before they closed and the train sped off into the distance, away from you and your insurmountable dilemma.

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[heyheyloki]

Yours

“Summary: Loki struggles to tell the reader ‘I love you’.

Loki x M!Reader

Word Count: 3005

Inspired by the song I Wanna Be Yours by the Arctic Monkeys

Romanic love was never in the cards when it came to the God of Mischief, Loki. He knew that, and so did everyone else. He never dwelled on the thought much since he had other priorities with taking over Earth, losing his mother, and dealing with his idiotic brother. However, now in the Avenger’s Tower, he had all the time in the world. Time that he spent thinking about you. 

You were Stark’s assistant when it came to helping out around the Tower rather within Stark Industries. Tony was always messing with Loki if he ever stared at you for too long or if the two of you got lost within conversation to even notice how much time has even passed. Loki never let those comments get to him, in the beginning, at least. Now, it felt like he used his own dagger and stabbed the god through his icy heart that slowly started to thaw thanks to you. 

Thor was the first one to notice, and sadly, the only one. Loki hoped no one would catch on, but for once he wished someone other than his brother noticed his change since he wasn’t someone Loki wanted to take advice from givin’ his failed relationship with Jane Foster.

“Just confess to him, brother!” Thor whispered under his breath in the kitchen, making sure to notice if anyone was about to enter. “It’s easy to tell that the Midgardian adores you.”

Loki tried his best to keep the wanting smile from popping onto his lips. “I’m not sure. Perhaps you’re reading him wrong.”

Thor laughed. “If anyone was easier to read, brother, it would be [Name].”

Loki’s head tilted in confusion. He wasn’t to sure if Thor was trying to sooth his doubts or mock him for not noticing your signals sooner. Still, was there even any signals to begin with?

Just as Loki was about to let his words slip past his lips, Thor immediately noticed a body turning the corner and when he knew who it was a coy smirk inched on his lips as he greeted the person with a joyous, “Good afternoon, [Name]! Stark isn’t working you too hard, I hope.”

Loki bit his tongue, his body quickly turning around to stare into your eyes. He noticed how tired you looked right away, after all, the dark circles under them were a dead giveaway. You haven’t been sleeping much, if any at all thanks to your job and more so who you work for. However, it was as if that look of tiredness that shield your gaze was replaced with fondness as soon as your eyes landed on him.

“Afternoon to the both of you as well,” you hummed out in a groggy voice as if you just woke up. Thor didn’t seem to mind, but when Loki heard the deepened voice he felt as if his feet were suddenly nailed to ground as he was forced to feel the jolt run up and down his spine. “I just wanted to get coffee, sorry if I’m interrupting.”

“You aren’t.” Loki coughed out, his voice subtle and low under his breath.

You nodded, walking your body over to the fridge. However, as you passed Loki you placed your hand on his shoulder and slowly let it trail as your fingers ghosted his body.

Thor saw the entire thing and couldn’t help but elbow his brother in the side, the force enough to make a human groan but to Loki, it was normal. The God of Mischief knew exactly what his brother was signaling him to do, and sadly while he hoped to do this action in private, he supposed this time was better than any other. Besides, right now you were tired enough not to overreact if things went south. 

So, Loki took a deep breath in, his lungs filling up with pure, cool oxygen before releasing it whole when you turned back to him with a drink at your lips. 

“Let me be your coffee pot.”

The room froze for a moment, and Loki couldn’t help but feel his heart race with anticipation and embarrassment. That was wrong. He said the wrong thing. He prayed for a second that maybe you didn’t hear him, or ask him to repeat that. But once he saw one of your brows tilt up in confusion, he knew you heard him. Loud and clear. There was no getting out of this one.

“My.. coffee pot?” You hummed. “What about it?”

Thor could quickly see this entire thing was going south, so, as the brother he was, he came to save Loki from his idiotic act. He swiftly threw his arm around his brother’s shoulders, the action causing Loki to gaze over at his brother in confusion. However, that wasn’t the thing on Thor’s mind. Saving his brother from losing his chance to truly confess to you.

“Your coffee pot, yes, uh, well, you see,” Thor tried to say, thinking about whatever excuse he could. Thankfully for him, a certain millionaire playboy soon walked in. However, it wasn’t so good for Tony. “Ah, yes! Stark, he broke your coffee pot.”

“Huh?” Tony asked at the entrance, everyone now having their eyes on him. “What the hell are you talking about, point break?”

Luckily for Thor, you were too tired to even consider that he was lying or try to even believe your boss. Your eyes were cold and distant as you looked at Tony, a look Loki hoped to never receive from you. “When were you going to tell me?”

“Tell you what? I didn’t touch your stuff.” Tony tried to defend. It was useless against this side of you.

Your hand placed down the glass of water that cleared your throat and slowly began to walk up to the famous Tony Stark. While he may be your boss and you his assistant, the two of you had a close relationship to the point where you didn’t even act professional around him unless it was at a gathering or with SHIELD officials around. 

“You owe me coffee, now, Stark.” You growled. It was as if some other demon took over your body when everyone heard that. 

On that day, Tony Stark had no plans to die. So, in an attempt to live, he immediately put on his suit and went to the nearest coffee shop. He was gracefully spared that day. 

Loki’s next attempt was three days later. The two of you were comfortably sitting next to one another on the couch. He had a book that he was slowly finishing while you snacked on some cookies and flipped through the many tv stations before finding something that was up to your standard. Although, that didn’t last very long. 

Loki wasn’t paying much attention to you until he heard the deafening quietness that surrounded the two of you. Finally, he lifted his head up to notice you had turned off the tv, your eyes gazing up at the ceiling as you seemed to ponder something. 

“Something wrong?” He asked, his eyes watching your connect with his own.

“I’m bored, and frankly, I don’t see anything good on tv.” You admitted. Loki was about to suggest something you could do until you suddenly blurted out, “what are you reading?”

Loki paused. His eyes moving from you to the book and then back to you. “Something that Banner lent me. It’s nothing tricky, just a Midgardin fantasy.”

Your head leaned over to see the cover, a small smile inching on your lips before asking with an amused tone, “Alice in Wonderland?”

“Don’t mock it, it’s very entertaining.” Loki defended. While it was true he enjoyed the book so far, he wasn’t expecting the weight in the couch to shift. Forget about feeling your shoulder brush his own as you leaned in to get a look at the inside of his book. 

“I’m not. I enjoyed it a lot as a kid.” You hummed out before slowly easing your head onto Loki’s shoulder. “Read to me.”

The God’s eyes trailed down to your face, the way you so effortlessly moved into him without fear was something that caused Loki to have to clear his throat before reading where he left off. His words came out smoother the more he read since his mind focused on relaxing thanks to your easy breathing. Though, anytime you moved closer into him or just to get more comfortable, he mumbled his words so you didn’t hear his stuttering.

“Loki.” His name coming from your lips was enchanting on its own, but when it come from a more sleepy tone he flew to cloud nine. 

“Yes?” He questioned.

“I have a free day at noon tomorrow,” you explained. “Let’s hang out.”

Loki nodded, his mind wishing that perhaps something more could come out of tomorrow. Secrets were Loki’s trait. Yet, the secrets he’s been hiding in his heart have been harder to hide than he originally thought.

“Alright then, tomorrow.”

The next day, Loki waited in his room anxiously. You told him that you’d get him around noon, 12pm, now it closing to 1pm. As the clock ticked ever closer to later in the day, Loki took matters into his own hands made his way towards the lab Stark had stuck you in. He didn’t plan to be rude when he got there, but just give you a friendly reminder of the plans you both set up yesterday. When he turned the corner, his lips parted to speak. However, just as he was about to get some words out, he swallowed them back down.

His eyes watched as you. You were so close to Tony’s body that it psychically hurt, though, what made it worse was the way your fingers were undoing each of Tony’s buttons on his shirt slowly. The one thing that Loki couldn’t seem to pull away from was the look in Stark’s eyes though. It was almost the same exact way Loki caught himself staring at you. Stark’s eyes just happened to hold more lust in them in the moment. 

“You can do this on your own, yanno,” you huffed out. “I have other things to do today than babysit you.”

“Now what could be more important than me?” Tony asked, his head leaning to the side a bit.

“If you must know, I have plans with Loki.” You confessed. “I was supposed to meet him an hour ago, but you just had to get hurt.”

“I’m sure he’ll get over it.” 

You didn’t respond to that. Instead, you opened his shirt all the way to see all the small cuts and forming black and blue bruises about his upper body. He went out with the suit on his own to fix up some structures for the people of New York City, however, one thing led to another and a piece of equipment ended up crushing the top half of his suit. 

“Just be gentle with me.” Tony said with a forming smirk when you began to fix him up. You could hear some hissing from your boss when you used rubbing alcohol to clean his cuts. Other than that, he was quiet. The most quiet he’s been in years. 

“What? No witty or dirty remarks for me?” You asked in an amused tone. You were joking, of course, but it seems that didn’t register with the man. 

When you raised your head, Tony’s eyes were already locked with yours. You froze for a moment at the look directed at you. It was familiar and yet uncomfortable all at once. It took all of your attention to the point where you didn’t notice Tony’s hand lace in your hair until you felt him carefully push it forward. He was asking, begging for your permission.

You paused for a moment and hoped your eyes were playing a trick on you. After all, to you, Tony Stark was a close friend of yours, and that’s how you’d like it to stay.

You eased your hands onto Tony’s chest before giving him a gentle push. You didn’t need to say anything. Tony was many things, but an idiot wasn’t one of them, so, he slowly began to untangle his fingers from your locks. 

“I’m sorry,” you uttered as you brought your hands back at your sides. “I just, uh, like someone else.”

Tony let out an awkward, forced cough to clear this throat. His words coming out low, “Right, well, let’s just forget about this then, okay?”

You started at him as a soft smile tugged at the edges of your lips. “Sure.”

When you finished up helping Tony, you made your way over towards Loki’s chambers. You knew you were late and hoped he’d forgive you with an offering of a sleepover in his room. You were supposed to go out into the city today, but thought this would be better and more of his style. Besides, most of the people here are still not welcoming of the God thanks to the attack he led in 2012. 

As you approached the door and tried to turn it, you noticed it was locked. Confusion printed on your face before banging your knuckles against the wood lightly. “Loki? It’s me.”

Nothing. It was quiet, silent.

Your brows furrowed as you asked, “I know you’re in there, why won’t you answer the door?”

It was a moment before a voice came through, and thank god you kept quiet. Otherwise, you don’t believe you would have heard him say, “Just go back to Stark, I’m sure he would rather your company.”

The tone in his voice was obvious. You were no fool. His voice was seething with jealousy, envy, and rage. He saw.

“You were there, weren’t you?” Your words may have come off as a question, but both of you knew regardless if he lied. You knew the truth. 

It was a second or two longer before the door swung open suddenly. Now, face to face with Loki, you could see the hurt he was trying to cover up. His long, black hair was a messy and his clothes were all wrinkled. 

“Hey,” you stated lowly as you inched closer to him. His eyes never coming off of you for a second. “Let’s talk about this.”

Loki paused, the look in his eyes uneasy to you. “I disagree.”

The God of Mischief turned swiftly and walked back towards his bed, sitting on the edge of it as you carefully entered his room and shut the door behind you so the both of you could finally get some privacy. 

“Open communication was never my family’s forte.” Loki admitted with a smug tone of voice as he locked his hands together while his elbows rested on his thighs. 

You leaned your head as you slowly approached the god. It was dangerous, you know, but you had to prove to Loki that you and Tony was never going to happen. Words are meaningless without action to back them up, after all.

“Fine,” you stated. “Then I’ll start.”

With that, all of Loki’s attention was drawn to you as you inched ever so closer to the God of Mischief before stopping in front of him. You were so close that if he just extended his hand and pulled you, you’d be sitting on his lap. However, he didn’t need to do a thing because you did it all on your own. 

You carefully moved his hands up and untangled them before holding them on your waist, your legs bending to bring you square on Loki’s lap. Your hands slowly released his own as the both of you kept silent eye contact, watching each other as you made every single action slower than it needed to be. Your hands slowly began to ride up his chest, a sensation that you noticed caused some color to form on Loki’s cheeks. Your touch only ended when your hands locked with each other behind Loki’s neck.

Loki’s eyes examined every inch of your frame. “What are you doing?”

You leaned your head to the side as if you didn’t understand the question. “Tony and I are just friends.”

For some reason, those words angered the god further. The only show of it, truly, was the sudden and harsher grip he took on your waist. You moved your body instantly at his action, though, it was easily his biggest mistake when you notice him take a hard and large gulp.

Your body slowly began to heat up as the situation started to slowly become clear in your clouded mind. It wasn’t like you did this for just anyone, nor did you have to justify what happened with Tony since you weren’t spoken for. However, for him, you’d do anything. It was like this spell that overtook your most basic senses and made you reckless to the point where you’d do something like this so casually. 

“Don’t lie to me.” Loki growled. “I know what I saw.”

“He was being an idiot and ended up getting hurt.” You began to explain. “I was just cleaning him up, I am his assistant after all.”

Loki stared deep into your eyes as you felt one of his hands slowly began to ride up your back. “I don’t like it.”

“What? Me being his assistant?” You asked.

Loki nodded.

“You’re going to have to get over it. I’ve had this job before I met you, plus, it’s the only reason why I even know you all in the first place.” You hummed as you leaned down, slowly closing the distance that almost felt suffocating with all this heat swirling around your body.

“Are you telling me to be grateful to Stark after he touched you like this?” Loki questioned as you felt his hand start to play with the back of your hair, lightly taking a fist full from time to time.

“You don’t own me, Loki.” You reminded him. “I don’t have any obligations to anyone.”

He paused as you noticed the God now focusing solely on your lips. “Shall I change that?”

A small smile couldn’t help but slowly inch across your face. It was one thing to be throwing hints at someone constantly, but it was another for that someone to be so direct and yet teasing that it made your stomach do backflips. 

“Yes.”