#altho I never went so idk if it would have been the case

[gibbearish]

guy who is really mad some people don't like having cake smushed in their faces

guy who is really mad that people smush their friends’ faces into birthday cakes

[qrbits]

Hi! Not sure if my previous ask went through so I'm submitting again, sorry if this one shows up twice. I saw you were studying art at CMU, I'm actually deciding if I want to go to their School of Art currently, but their program seems super conceptual / fine art focused so I'm not sure if it's the right fit for me. I'm really interested in their interdisciplinary stuff, I'm not sure if it's worth going to CMU just for that though. I'd love to hear any input/advice you have, thanks so much!

From a pure curriculum standpoint, CMU School of Art is indeed very conceptual and modern art-y. I find that most art majors who aren’t super into that side of it get the most out of CMU by going some sort of interdisciplinary route, like minoring in IDeAte (I ended up w an accidental minor in Animation bc I took so many animation classes lol), doing a BXA degree, doing HCI, or just supplementing their art curriculum with a lot of classes from other majors of interest. Lol CMU is really into those types of students too, it’s like the school’s whole deal.

I dunno what kind of art you like to do, but in the last few years, I’ve seen CMU’s animation and game design side grow a lot, altho it’s still fairly technical. For example, more emphasis on rigging, modeling, pipeline, 3D, coding rather than concept art, illustration, character design. There’s not much support here for learning hard skills for preproduction or even drawing in general looll, but if you wanted to do that stuff you’d go to CalArts or smth right

Personally, I chose CMU for reasons completely unrelated to what the curriculum would offer me lmaooo, I’d done precollege there so I knew what kind of art the school liked, and I knew it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to learn. The major deciding factor for me when it came to picking colleges was the types of people I’d get to meet and make friends with. In middle and high school I was like the only Asian kid in my grade, and I just really wanted to go somewhere that I could make friends w other Asian ppl and nerd out abt shit like anime and kpop hahaha, and so it happens, CMU attracts such a crowd. I was also able to explore other interests like dance, videography, tabling at anime conventions, cosplay, and leadership through the student orgs here.

I’d suggest no matter where you go, consider your holistic experience over what the curriculum offers you. There are lots of ppl who choose colleges purely for the education without considering if they’ll even be happy there, they end up being miserable and end up blaming the school or major. Unless you’re studying something super technical like computer science, engineering, premed, law, your major in college doesn’t actually influence your postgrad success that much. But ofc college and CMU esp is very expensive so I understand wanting to get the most out of ur education as well. 

My concluding sentiment is that you should choose somewhere that will give you the most character development lolol don’t put too much expectation on education to hand you success on a silver platter because people who will succeed will succeed despite the harshest circumstances, and ppl who will fail will still fail even if they have all the best resources. Good luck!

[hebescus]

remember this ship ask? yeah, i wanna do them all with lawlight bcs they control my brain. but it's a happy no death note au bcs it's me. oh and this shit is long plus it's 3 am rn so my words are very messy. but enjoy.

(i skip some numbers that i answered and the ones that i can't think of btw)

pre relationship :

How did they first meet?

L's investigation hq. he was a suspect of L, still, but this time he told soichiro to bring this 18 yo boy to the hq to test him, asking light to work with all of them. he ends up not guilty ofc, but L still wants to keep him…around.

What was their first impression of each other?

ah, the good old 'what the fuck dude???' from light and the 'oooh he got a big brain' from L. it's hard to get out of canon in this one.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

L. But it's more like thoughts, rather than feelings. It's just these random thoughts that pop out in his head like 'i don't mind kissing this guy, if he asks' but not like 'i want to kiss him' yknow what i mean? idk this is just something i experience a lot lmao. it develops to feelings once light falls for him and L can see that. So in terms of ideas, it's L, but in terms of feelings, it's Light.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Oh our favorite light denial yagami. Of course he's cursing himself for having feelings like this but once L calls it out he's over. 

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Light would laugh it off, and be like "i don't like him that way you know". L would shrugs be like "well yes that's possible, i don't think i mind". 

What would their lives be like if they had never met?

boring, lonely, empty, you name it

(more under the cut)

general :

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

hmm, they both initiated the relationship? ykwim? They both notices they had feelings for each other and just...go from there. they never have like a relationship talk, they just go with the flow until at some point they starts to get comfortable to refer the other as partners. They basically can read each other's mind, after all.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

Yes, sort of. A tennis game! And a coffee sesh after, just like canon. They plan this to be just "let's just relax, this case has been really exhausting, take a one day break, L" but when Light got home, sayu asked "how's the date going?!" He immediately said "it's not a date, you watch too many dramas it's rotting your brain" And sachiko gave him a smile while shaking her head at this statement and when he's back to his room he immediately calls L and was like "hey does that count as a date?" and L answers with "depends, do you want it to be?" with a smirk that light can hear.

What was their first kiss like?

it was late at night, light was helping L with the case when everybody went home. they were sharing their view about this certain criminal when light notices L staring at his lips, first he ignored it but it happens again and again to a point where their face just got real close and then...kiss, somehow. idk lmao.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

First person who can understand each other and are equals, the only ones who can tear the other's wall down, and just practically soulmates in any form that even their sun & moon signs mirroring each other's? YES. 

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

i hc L as just a little bit taller than light, but it's not like you can see it through the hunch anyway. ofc we all know the 6 years and 4 months age gap

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Sayu likes L, Sachiko is kinda surprise Light doesn't date a typical pretty person, but it only makes her heart fonder. L doesn't mind them, he thinks they're nice, light grew up in a good place. Soichiro? Well, he might me a bit reluctant but he loosen up slowly, his son is happier than he ever was, after all.

Who takes the lead in social situations?

Light, obviously. Because he's a charmer and if L takes control, the person they speak to would run immediately the first 2 minutes.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

it is a universal knowledge that L does this. like, come on, count the fics, you can't, there's just so many. he loves to break that perfect wall and make light feel 🥴😳. it's entertaining. But he knows when to stop. too much of that will be embarrassing in light's part, and he respects his boy's dignity.

love :

Who said “I love you” first?

Light!! The thing is it was said over the phone. He gets more and more comfortable talking with L through calls, since every now and then L travel frok countries to countries. One time he just like "yeah, safe flight. love you, bye" he expected L to say goodnight to him as a response as usual but L was silent and he realised what he just said and realised that he fucking mean it. L seems to still be able to read his mind even thousands miles away so he replies with "i love you too, goodnight". they never missed seeing each other more than that night.

What are their primary love languages?

we had a discussion for this! but as we see in canon, they're both very acts of service with a little hint of physical touch here and there. quality time is also important. words and gift aren't really needed for them.

Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

L. Only to annoy light. It's terrible that he almost cringed to himself, but it does bring a good laugh for light.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

PDA is a not their preference, they just love being in private more. They might hold hands sometimes, butmost times they won't. Altho they always stand or sit reaaaaally glued to each other even though there are so many space. 

Who initiates kisses?

both. they want it, they got it. but light gives light kisses (ha) more, not necessarily on the lips, usually when L was really busy working, keeping his feet on the ground.

Who’s the big and little spoon?

They don't spoon a lot, they prefer not touching at all or cufdling face to face, but when they do, Light is the little spoon because being a big spoon makes his sleeping position kinda uncomfy, he feels awkward with his legs, it's just not. thankfully L thinks cuddling light this way is very calming.

What are their favorite things to do together?

Tennis and solving cases, duh. Or sometimes they play video games fighting each other. Anything competitive and/or challenging that make their brain grow 10 times bigger. But sometimes, a comfortingly peaceful and quiet dinner with hushed words thrown here and there about random things feels like the best thing ever.

Who’s more protective?

L. For identity reasons, ofc.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical. They can read each other's mind, they knew it by gesture, touches, and glances. 

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

IT'S MY TIME TO SHINE. venus by sleeping at last fits them so well, that song is in the background of multiple cozy couch smooches sessions or even when they're slow dancing (please listen to this tho song it's so good). also i think they would like persephone by the tragic thrills too, L would be like "this song reminds me of you" and Light answers with "i'm persephone?" "Yeah" "i'm a fucking badass then" "yes you are". oh and first day of my life? lover of mine? pink in the night? sweet creature? the lakes? oh god i have too much answers

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

they don't do nicknames, really. although, L sometimes called light with some snarky tony stark styled nicknames when he feels particularly playful but annoyed at the same time.

Who remembers the little things?

They both do. Big brained assholes they are.

domestic life :

If they get married, who proposes?

It's not really a proposal, they didn't  even remember who said it first. But one sleepy night after a hard case, someone said "hey you wanna get married" and the other was like "sure, why not" "really?" "yeah, i think i'm ready, you?" "me too" "great" and then they go to sleep. at breakfast the next morning L called watari from across the room and said "wammy i need you to prepare [enter marriage stuff here], and light, you must call your family after this". poor old watari chokes on his tea.

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

The wedding is in a secluded little place near the wammy's house, L used to go there a lot as a kid. With just light's parents, sayu, and watari. Well, not until Light caught Mello, Matt, Near, and Linda peeping from the bushes

Do they have any pets?

A chunky cat the wammy's kids feed daily but never try to keep them in, because no animals are allowed inside the orphanage. L saw it and was like "light let's bring this bitch home" she is, indeed a little bitch, but light and L loves her dearly. her fur has light brown and black colors, like both of their hairs, so she becomes their daughter, L gave him a weird ass name but i can't think about it rn.

Who kills the bugs in the house?

Light because he's the one who's actually bothers to. They ofc annoyed L but he cpuldnt care less to actually get rid of them.

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

L. He rarely sleeps and once he did, he wakes up very fucking late and will pull light back to the bed if he's woken up by the empty space beside him.

Who’s the better cook?

Light. L is a spoiled brat. But Light can't bale for shit, that's Watari's job. Light grow up learning and helping his mom making meals for the family. He's not the best, but it's good enough to make L craves them in between his sweets.

Who likes to dance?

None of them. But they would slow dance on rare, sentimental occasions. And it's like so fucking romantic bcs all the lights are off except for a candle or a table lamp or a cabinet lamp whatever that has yellow-y dim light. And they don't speak, they just casually move against each other, but heart ready to combust like i do when i the mental image came into my head.

[ladyhindsight]

The legal age of consent is 17 in NY so Alec wasn't underaged. Also, he got 18 less than a week when they started dating (cause CoB happens after Clary's birthday at August 23(?) And Alec's is at September 12, so there's about 2 weeks between, and Alec and Magnus went out when some time had passed since Clary discovered shadow world)

But idk about the vow... It's not like Ragnor and Cat even date 👀 (altho Cat had a fiance, once) it's just Magnus! Even Tessa hadn't date anyone since Will. I mean, isn't that a bit unrealistic? Going 80 years without seeing anyone?! I get that some people have one true love (or in Tessa's case two), but that doesn't mean they won't be interested in anyone else after them :/

I wondered about it because Saving Raphael Santiago takes place in 1953 (I've added this to the previous answer), which would mean the legal age in US wouldn't have been still 21. I haven't looked up anything specifically on age of consent around that time though.

I like that there are some characters that don't date at all. Clare is intent on pairing almost every character with someone so having characters without a relationship is nice for a change, I think.

I feel like Clare has put Tessa and Will's marriage to such a pedestal that Tessa seeing anyone or dating anyone after Will would somehow be detrimental to that image. The only possible one would be Jem as the other great love in Tessa's life, and they get married also.

It has probably something to do with the fact that Will was so great that there will never be anyone like him (except Jem), and similarly with other dead partners. And in a sense I get that because Terri Irwin, for instance, has said how she isn't planning on dating because she's had her happy ever after with Steve.

It's not completely outlandish, so choosing either way doesn't really ruffle my feathers. Each to their own. But with Clare, I just feel like there's always a bit something more to it.

[gooferdusted]

hypothetically, if I were to write a fix-it/rewrite au fic, (thinking of starting at s5 but debating starting earlier) what are some storylines you’d take out/change, characters you’d save/kill, and specifically changes to sam’s character/arcs you’d like bc i need ideas

ok. ok. I'm gonna try to not go completely off the fucking rails while I write this up but I gotchu (also these r all just my own hot n spicy takes so like. pick what u like, it's all goodie goodie)

• no time passing differently in hell. literally four months is ~Enough!~ a year is enougghh!!!!!! like I get that they wanted to make hell this horrible unreachable thing but u can still like... get that across without having it be this unfathomable chunk of time out of a persons life. like sam was down there with TWO very pissed off angel's for 180 years??? how can he still speak english??? how does dean remember ANYTHING about his old life when mentally more than half of it was spent being endlessly tortured until he finally cracked??? its just.... Too Much...

• ON that note, I feel like later on they never rlly had sam and dean bond over the fact that like... they are genuinely the ONLY two people on earth who have survived actual hell. I mean we got that one off line from dean at some point but??

• no chuck as god. just a greasy greasy rat man getting insane stories projected into his brain. and on the topic of that.... I dont like the reflection of the real life fanbase in the spn universe??? they're pulp fiction novels, it should be all like 50 year old + ladies who picked them up at the local bargain bin, not b*cky r*sen

• I like... WANNA say smth abt s4..... bc I think the way that they handled things were a little out of character BUT I also think that was lind of the point??? like the angels and demons were manipulating them to say/do things they would normally never say/do to eachother to drive a big enough wedge between then that they would eventually say yes to being the vessels. like it hurts to watch sooo much but it did drive the plot forward in a very particular way that probably couldnt have happened otherwise. that being said, when the levee breaks makes me sad, and I dont want to see sam crying for his dead mother alone in a basement! cest la vie.

• sam and dean.... are Friends...,, why did we all forget that..... watch hell house and maybe I'll calm down.....

• PSYCHIC SAM!!!!!! you all know me. you know how I feel about psychic sam... robbed. s4 finale rlly had sam like "drinking that much demon blood has truly changed me forever..... theres no going back now...... 😔😔" like ok. ok. where are your superpowers. where are they.

• I wish some of the other special children had made it out :(( I really liked andy and ava (also sam finding other friend who are like him??? queer allegory??? spare queer allegory?????)

• I also dont think the roadhouse shouldve burned down!!! that shouldve been a Staple Location like Bobby's house. same w Missouri's, literally why did we only visit her once.

• ur sending an ask to my blog so I assume this is just a given for u but!!! we're takin away the misogyny. we're takin away the fetishization! anything that would be given the greenlight by joss whedon we are putting straight in the trash. <3

• this is mostly a thing in later seasons like. idk 9-15, but no ppl knowing who the winchesters are. they are NOBODIES. they pop up like little meerkats and fuck everything up beyond repair.

• also no fancy tech. no iphone 76z or whatever the fuck. sam has an ipod 1. the wheel is so stuck he can barely press play anymore. remember when he literally just tore off the top casing off his laptop and threw it away? more of that.

• no nice clothes. NO nice clothes we fuckin hate that. everything sam and dean own was purchased pre 1995 and dean is an expert at removing blood stains and sewing up jackets. dean will walk into a laundromat with a tide pen and just start goin for it like that scene in deadpool.

• tbh.... I feel like the issues in later seasons are really this massive horrible domino effect. like I could say heres how to fix s7-10 but the fact is if shit hadnt gone down lile it had in s7 s10 would be a different story entirely.

• I am gonna do it tho bc I suck <3

• s6: soulless sam was funney but did that really go anywhere? no. tbh I dont remember what happened w cas and I'm just not going to look it up. it's just not in the cards for tonight. dean w lisa.... ehh.... I've discussed this at wayy too much length w mushroom and we both agreed that dean would probably keep hunting to keep his mind off things and to try and honor sams sacrifice. I guess theres an argument to be made for the fact that it kind of was Sam's dying wish that dean just go fin her and live a normal life but... idk. purgatory was. . indeed a Concept..... that could have maybe gone somewhere if it didnt rapidly spiral into....

• s7!!! I mean. jesus christ. I know some people like this one but jesus christ. the way they literally couldnt commit to having sam have genuine mental health problems after centuries in hell or to just magically wipe them away..... bobby dying halfway thru.... charlie was a bright spot I suppose, but her intro is not my fave episode w her.... idk what the fuck happened w cas, I guess he was god. the leviathan designs were kinda neat but like oh my fucking god it wasnt worth it.

• s8: uh. rough start. idk why the turn tables so suddenly and dean's like "why didnt u look for me >:((" bc??? yall agreed not to???? at the VERY least they couldve had sam been like "I legitimately had no reason to think u werent dead and in heaven and tha wouldve been a little rude of me to pull u out of that." but we went for ~drama~ to make it spicy I guess. ouygh. bunkers there!!! that was cool!!! MoL is a cool concept!!! altho... it doesn kinda contradict the whole sam and dean are nobodies thing... idk. trials of hell was like... cool in theory but bad in practice unless they were planning on ending the show for realskies. and they did not.

• s9: uhh... hated gadreel! hated that shit! wish they had spun that whole storyline to be more "hey sam I noticed u were s*icidal should we maybe address that??" or even like.... I mean dean probably couldve just TOLD sam abt his plan, he had already convinced him to stay alive by that point??? there was no reason to lie!!! plus the betrayal of gadreel not being who he said he was wouldve been like. literally enough drama, we didnt need to fracture the team again. and cas was??? where exactly??? be was human for at least half of that season but hey didnt know what to do w him so they chucked him in a convenience store??? good lord.

• s10: got no suggestions for that one, just toss it

• s11: ok... shes cute.... we can forgive her.... the lore is shaky at best but the episodes SLAP and the characterization is *chefs kiss*. it's been a hot minute since I've seen it so if smth sucked I dont remember and I plan to keep it that way!!!!

• s12: n.. no. no mary. no mary unless we're doing it right. and I promise u doing it right was not poorly ripping off kingsman. couldve brought back bobby!!! if they desperately wanted some drama couldve brought back john!!! actually fuck that, no way

• s13-15: no thoughts, only jack kline <3

[shijiujun]

do you know anything about why chris and jake stopped interacting with each other? and is it true that they developed feelings for each other?

heya! oof okay, let me answer those questions:

do you know anything about why chris and jake stopped interacting with each other? - this is a pretty long story which starts from the airing of ep 17 of trapped, where a lot of fans were creating a lot of drama over chris and jake hinting that there was going to be a smut scene in ep 17, but there wasn’t. they were referring to another scene, but admitted that the words they used were pretty misleading,

but anw since then the drama surrounding them never really stopped. secondly, according to rumors, chris’ manager kana, andy’s ex-manager lisley and jake’s manager an an don’t really get along (the first two vs. an an) but this is unconfirmed - what i saw at fanmeetings was that kana was still pretty nice to jake, would hand him water from under the stage etc.

also from what chris’ activities have been like so far, what i can speculate is that: kana and whoever else did tell chris and chris himself decided that he doesn’t want to associate himself too much in the tang yi role and the drama that went down during trapped’s filming. throughout the fanmeets last year, he started rolling out quite a bit of rules, for e.g. his management (kana only or otherwise) insisted on fans not being allowed to screenshot and share chris’ photos, even when my friend properly shared another company’s photoshoot with chris on her own insta, that company DMed her to take it down because chris’ mgmt doesn’t allow it (altho this rule is slightly more chillax now), and there was a period of time when he only posted instastories that kana posted, probably to keep from potentially allowing fans to nitpick on him. he’s been really careful so far because he’s been burnt by the trapped fandom drama (long story again), and i guess one of the issues was also he promised on one of the variety shows that he would go to some movie with jake, but ended up going with kenny or smth instead, and then fans were like “how could you do this, if you weren’t going to do it then don’t promise” etc. etc., so from then on you can also see like chris not really wanting to give fans or anyone any reason to bash him?

anw, after that, jake wasn’t present at quite a few fanmeets cuz of his schedule, and when he finally did turn up in thailand, you can tell the four of them weren’t as close anymore? they still talk, but jake is kind of the confused one, a little awkward etc. seoul was the final stop and it was great, but after seoul, they barely turned up at any private gatherings together. if jake is there, chris isn’t, if chris is there, jake isn’t. they do still meet at like media partner events, such as movie screenings, and most recently at ezu’s concert. fans caught them chatting and laughing with each other, which is nice because at least they’re still friends after all this.

and is it true that they developed feelings for each other? - nope. i don’t think so, and when it comes to speculating bl drama actors in real life in an actual relationship, i’d say don’t do it. personally i’m pretty uncomfortable with the thought, and i don’t like to speculate on this because it’s none of my business to know or think about. in any case, i don’t think they do. they’re still okay friends because they do talk and chat at events when they meet, but they’ve basically stopped turning up at like gatherings together, intentionally or not. honestly i don’t think they did XD of course they’re familiar with each other after filming the drama together, but that’s where it stops mostly. and i think at least during the filming they were close friends, but the fandom drama was a partial reason why they drifted (idk if anything else happened for sure), and in interviews, chris and jake did also say a few times that they both have very different characters and personalities.

[satanfemme]

Val and 2, Vinyl and 7 OR 30 if seven is spoilers for clay pigeons, Volume and 14, Vaya and 21, Vamos and 4, the Girl and 5/6

2. Who do they look to for guidance? (Val)

I mean in a hero sense, party poison ofc, even if he can’t admit it. he wants to be the better party poison, so what better way to do that then look at how poison did things and “improve” those methods from that starting point as guidance.

in a more personal sense he looks to, tbh, all of the other ultra v’s. he’s not great at asking for guidance but he’ll still look to them for it in his own way. for example when he’s unsure about something he checks to see how they’re handling things, and they’re handling things better than him (and they always are) he secretly uses that as a comfort and/or a jumping off point for his own decisions.

7. Any family scandals? Does your character know about them? (Vinyl)

hmm ok I think there’s a little bit that’s still a spoiler so 🤫 but for the most part all his family scandals have already been revealed in my fics. the main ones are that his father was an exterminator and his sister was a scarecrow training to be an exterminator, which when ur a killjoy in one of the desert’s most well known crews it’s kinda a big deal. but none of the other ultra v’s really knew about this during the comics (he probably told val after the comics and, well, vaya and vamos r gonna hear at least part of it soon enough)

vinyl actually knew about both of those things the whole time though, he’d pieced things together wrt his father while he was still a kid, and altho before my fic post-comics he could only guess what happened to his sister, he knew her well enough that “escaped to scarecrow academy” was one of his top guesses. (tho secretly he always hoped she’d come to her senses and become a killjoy too at some point)

these def weighed on him like a lot in his early killjoy days. by the time the comics happened he was all but over it, but for the first few years it was very hard for him to kill any bl/i agents. it was over time that he became desensitized to it and in turn became pretty desensitized to killing in general, a la Target Practice™ for example. once he internalized “I might accidentally kill my father or my sister any time I kill someone wearing a mask, but that’s ok” it became pretty hard to get upset by any murder

30. What is their ideal sleeping situation? (Vinyl)

gonna answer this one too cause it’s easy. the ideal is always sleeping with all the other ultra v’s dog-piled on top of him (bonus: good pressure stim) OR sleeping on top of all the other ultra v’s (bonus: good pressure stim for everyone else)

14. What is something that never fails to make them excited? (Volume)

I feel like infodumping about music is an obvious but easy answer. so I’ll also say: rain. volume’s biggest problem is he gets so bored and depressed of the killjoy lifestyle so anything to break up his routine is a good thing, and rain is like perfect for that. it’s usually a surprise, it cools everything off, it’s pretty, it smells good and makes mud everywhere, it sounds good on windows, it usually means less dracs and scarecrows are out that day, what’s not to love?? 

21. Do they prefer giving or receiving gifts? (Vaya)

honestly?? receiving. they’re not selfish they just like getting stuff!! they especially like it when someone gives them something they can wear or at least something pretty they can put on display and show off. 

they also love getting new video games but those are very rare in the desert. I think the nest got a new game once or twice during their time there. both times the game was “gifted” to vaya and vamos (since they’re both the Gamers™ of the nest) and vaya LOVED it. what they weren’t told however was the “gift” was given to them under the (correct) assumption that they’d share the game with the rest of the nest. it was really a community owned game for all the killjoys to have. everyone gifting it to the twins specifically was all for show, just as an easy way to make their days hdfgf

4. Who is someone they’ve hurt? (Vamos)

oh they’re SUCH a people pleaser I don’t think there’s any cases of them genuinely hurting someone like that in my canon. sometimes they can hurt people out of their carelessness or their inability to read tone, but they’re always quickly forgiven, either because it was just a mistake (it was!) or because no one likes to see them upset (their anxiety spirals Very easily)

ofc that being said, val velocity, local asshole, doesn’t really forgive them for these things so easily. so it’s never really over anything serious but sometimes vamos will do something kinda dumb like twist an ankle doing parkour. then val gets upset that they’re not gonna be able to run for a few weeks and that’s gonna put everyone in danger. so val yells at vamos then vamos does their puppy dog eyes back, which val doesn’t accept, and the both of them get incredibly frustrated by this very quickly. the next thing you know they’re Both in a bad mood snapping at each other until someone else (usually vaya) can be like “both of you hug and make up right now or witch so help me”

5. What is a secret that they have? (The Girl)

she always kinda figured there was something up with the cat. she didn’t know it was a straight up camera, but she knew it’d likely “escaped” the city, and seemed harder to kill or injure than a normal cat, and was still just as young and perfectly healthy as she found it even after being with her for 10 or 11 years. 

but it never seemed to cause any trouble for her, and she loved it, so she kept it. and it wasn’t like a huge Secret secret before the comics, when she largely lived alone, cause who would she even be hiding this from anyway. but during the comics when val keeps talking about there being a spy and the trouble starting when she showed up?? uh oh ❤️ she kept a Very close eye on the cat then to make sure it was safe. 

then, when dr d was killed for supposedly being the spy, that kinda, uh, sucked. like she was hiding this probably-some-sort-of-wiretap-or-something-idk from everyone else just cause it was her one (1) friend for the past 12 years, and now one of her last surviving family member was dead in its place. F

6. Would they trust anyone with their secret? (The Girl)

nope! even after the comics it didn’t feel productive to tell anyone. as far as anyone else knew she found out the cat was a spy only Right Before they went into the city so no one blamed her for that, and with better living gone the cat no longer posed any threat and was just a cool pet cat so, like, what’s the problem. nothing to see here just a girl and her suspicious cat vibing

send me characters and numbers!

[ivyandink]

a life update

if you’re interested! :) i know im the nosy person who loves reading about peoples’ personal lives, so if that’s you.... below the cut sis, i see you lol

I have been sooo absent from tumblr for months now! And I know I don’t owe any explanations or anything, but idk, I just thought it’d be kinda fun to share with you guys what’s been keeping my mind busy and away! So here goes nothin’.

I had one hell of a summer. Emphasis on hell. Read: Family DRAMA. Which left me in a pretty rough place mentally/emotionally. In a much, much better place with it all now (altho as I say that my crazy aunt has been texting me all day tryna drag me bag into stuff lol no rest for the wicked y’all). But, when you’re feeling kinda down, it’s hard to find the energy to create.

I am starting up my web design side hustle!!! Which has been a long time coming lol. I’ve been meaning to do this for years, but things never quite lined up or worked out. Last year, I finally felt like I was at a good place to start, so I have! This is by far taking up the most space in my brain for now, as I’m still getting things off the ground. It’s hard to balance starting a business while working full time, and also trying to have other hobbies/interests/social interaction lolol. PS: If you or anyone you know needs a website designed.... ;) just sayin’. I know a gal.......... me. It’s me. I’m the gal. Moving on. :)

I’ve been revisiting my novel. Idk if I ever talked about it much on here or just vaguely referenced it here and there? But last Spring (yikes almost a year ago.. BIG YIKES) I started a novel with the goal to finish by 2020. I wrote about 3 chapters and effectively scrapped it. lmao. So here we are! Revisiting the drawing board. FYI, this novel is an adaptation of my “Disapora” story if any of yall remember that hot ass M E S S-- aka, how Eli and Clem meet, fall in love and what not. My concept is to take my Ivy characters and kind of build them out their own book series... a series that would explore generational ties and relationships, and give me space to REALLY develop these characters I’ve loved so much. Like, I could gush and geek over this forever, but developing the old Elliot and Clementine into REAL characters (let’s be honest, their development had always been a little... lite lol) feels amazing, and seeing the same character yet also they’re so different?? It’s hard to explain, but it’s exciting, and fun, and a big, long-term project/goal of mine, and 2020 is the year I write the first book!!!! Or at least start it lol.

I lost my very best furry friend, my cat Juno, in December. See above for mental hardship making it hard to create. However, Seth and I have opened our hearts and home to two little ragdoll brothers , who we’ve had for a few weeks now, and are in love with. I think Juno would’ve really loved them too. ❤️ They’re a lil bad sometimes lol I like to think they’re in the preteen phase right now, and acting up and being extra. But they’re so cute and sweet and quirky, and already apart of our little family.

Then there’s just tons of misc things that have sucked up my time. Like: learning how to use my iPad Pro + Apple Pencil, creating a digital bullet journal with said iPad/Pencil combo, researching going back to college for my MSW to then become an LCSW (good LORD the acronyms in the field... kill m e) and become a therapist, researching houses we cannot afford???? literally wasting entire days looking on Trulia/Zillow/etc. lol, trying out a super DUPER extreme elimination diet to pinpoint some of my health issues (which i suspect might be autoimmune by nature, as it runs in the fam, despite me not being diagnosed-- and there is a lot of at the bare minimum anecdotal evidence that AI diseases are caused by food intolerances), went through a weird regression where I played Zelda for a few days lmao, and I’ve also taken up a daily manifestation journaling practice! And lord knows what else. :)

All of this is to say.... YEAH I’ve been busy. But here I am. I can’t make any promises to myself or others are my content, how often I’ll post, if I’ll ever even finish this dang story, or what. But!! That��s all good. :) I’m gonna let myself have fun with this hobby. Because for ME, I need something I can just have fun with. Read all the above points for things in my life that aren’t meant to be taken very seriously and leave no room for ‘just have fun with it’ and you’ll get it lolol. At the end of the day tho, I love tumblr, for as much shit as we all talk about it. It scratches a very particular itch for me, and it’s an enjoyable itch to scratch (???? weird metaphor but ok). It’s fun. I love the community (I’m good at blocking the icky blogs, and love my mutuals/followers/anons/people who interact). And I love having Like Ivy in the back of my head, getting ideas and inkings for it here and there, with no pressure on myself to do anything with it, right away. I want to keep this as my creative, free for all kinda space. But that might mean some radio silence here and there. I feel like most my main followers are also adults tho with busy lives??? So I’m sure y’all more than understand the struggle lolol. 

OH I almost forgot-- keep your 👀 peeled for the return of my Youtube channel this year! That was another fun hobby I enjoyed doing just for myself. I still need to figure out how I can make it work for me, in my new crazy life/schedule lol but alas!!!!! I’m a double scorpio and i LOVE a good challenge. Also might be a bit of a masochist??? So, I’ll figure it out, no worries lolol.

If you read this, and got all the way to the end without tapping out, I just wanted to say hey 👋 I see you. You’re awesome. I love you. Thanks for being interested in me. Also, we’re nosy creepers together, so we clearly have that in common 💁‍♀️ and idk! even if I’m not posting, I’m always lurking/around and always open to chat, answer asks, whatever. :) And if you have any questions about anything I wrote here, feel free to shoot them my way too!! All humans lowkey love talking about themselves (this post? case, and point oof). No shame~

Anyways-- thanks for reading!

[diningpageantry]

tag game(s)

anï (i’m too exhausted to do three separate posts but i was tagged in three tag games over the past few days and i’d forgotten to do the last few games i was tagged in and i feel super guilty so here they are in one go)

i don’t know who to tag to do these rn because my brain is dead i am emotionally exhausted and i’m writing a fic that’s about halfway done so i’m gonna say tag anyone who wants to be tagged for any of these. i’m so sorry that i’m dead, i will be back alive again after may 10th, which is my AP exam day

six questions challenge

tagged by @simon--speaks

rules: answer the questions, then tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

Q1: Relationship status?

single bby

Q2: Favorite color?

maroon !

Q3: Top 3 ships?

snowbaz (wow) and uh. wow. idk who else. i wanna say my own ocs matchstick and summer (is that allowed? i’m making it allowed)

Q4: Lipstick or chapstick?

whenever i get to this question in any ask i freeze up because i use a tinted chapstick so i don’t look dead but like. it can also be seen as a lipstick because it has pigment. but. chapstick.

Q5: Last song I listened to?

Run by Hozier

Q6: Last movie I watched?

uhhh i watched like. 5 minutes of the emperor’s new groove a few days ago, and watched a documentary about obscure houses like 10 minutes before that. so. i’m gonna say the house documentary.

21 questions

i was tagged by @simon--speaks, @angelsfalling16, @wo2ash, @alixanderthequeer, @sharkmartini and @bazypitchandsimonsnow

rules: answer 21 questions then tag 21 people

nickname: anï, munchkin, menina, and my hebrew name is elisheva

height: the doctor says i’m 5′3.5″, but they can’t put fractions on IDs so according to the state i’m 5′4″ and i cling to that

last movie i saw: see above (so like. funky houses)

last thing i googled: (next town over) movie tavern. i’m not saying where it is exactly bc hah i don’t wanna be stalked but. i was looking at movie times because they have $5 movies every tuesday

favorite musician: frank iero. love that funky rat man and his funky music too (i’m gonna see him for the second time next month because i made the executive adult decision to say fuck it to my seizures and go see him anyway)

song stuck in my head: i don’t have one rn but usually it’s a song by the killers (when you were young is a usual one)

other blogs: none, actually! i didn’t delete my old tumblr purely bc i’m a nostalgic dumbass, but it’s a completely different login and it’s inactive so i don’t count it.

followers: 1,666 (originally i wasn’t gonna share the number but it hit this last night and i was like heh. nice)

following: 231

amount of sleep: 8ish hours! (spring break bby)

lucky numbers: 7, multiples of 3 (only in cases of knocking), and multiples of 2 (only in cases like volume)

dream job: writing and illustrating books! i have a variety of dream jobs within art, and even within the subcategory of books, but my top dream job is creating inclusive/diverse children’s books that represent a variety different ethnicities/races, religions, abilities, and identities so that children can see themselves represented in media

what i’m wearing: a black turtleneck, a bra, and marvel boxers. that’s it.

favorite food: soup in general. i make a kick ass matzo ball soup

language: english, conversational portuguese, i know a small small bit of japanese (i should know more given i was raised being taught it but i always struggled with it), and i know some spanish. i also plan on teaching myself ASL.

can i play an instrument: yes! i’ve been playing violin since i was 2. i wanna play guitar and i know some chords but i have small hands so it’s hard to find one that’s the right size that isn’t a shitty children’s guitar, and i sing! i’m an alto

favorite song: hnnghg please don’t make me pick................ i’d have to say choke on one another by death spells

random fact: so like. if you didn’t know already, i’m an LGBTQ+ youth activist on a national scale. i disappear on occasion because i’m doing something or another, and sometimes i post about it on my blog (speaking of i have exciting news that i heard, but at the same time, i’m pretty much booked every weekend from middle of next month until middle of july), but........ i hate networking. i loathe it. if i never had to network again, i’d be thrilled. networking is my absolute least favorite thing because i struggle at everyday conversation, much less networking with people at least 10-20 years my senior. sure it’s usually free publicity and i get great connections, but god. at what cost? and like.... it’s always after a really emotionally taxing event, so i’m already drained and then wow here’s a room full of adults who want my 18 year old input. please. just let me steal a cupcake then leave.

describe yourself in aesthetic things: dye stained fingernails and necks. cranked open windows during a spring shower. dried tears and breaking laughs. coffee stains and milky tea splashes. trembling fingers, writing instead of speaking because you’re too afraid, and finally breaking free--running through the rain. scabbing blood, fresh piercings. knowing you’re loved and not saying it because it doesn’t need to be spoken. the smell of a new canvas, paint splattered jeans, and art school sweaters. black skirts with docs, then fairy lights and soft blankets hidden behind sharp profanities and harsh disgust. the unexpected. the unknown. the ever-changing, unstoppable force of the shifting tides. 

carry on questions

tagged by @goodbyedandelion, @isthisisagoodkiss @wo2ash, 

1- favorite type of scone? 

cranberry orange! one of the farms a county over has a market and they sell them there and they’re to die for (altho, i found a sour cherry scone recipe that i’ve perfected and my family loves them so they’re a close second now)

2- london or la?

i’ve never been to london, but i’m gonna have to go with london. i went to la last october to present in an awards show for my organization and i lowkey was underwhelmed. i’m very much a gloom and rain kinda person, and it was too dry and sunny there. although, i did think the huge succulents were sick as fuck. but yeah definitely london. i’m planning to spend a semester abroad there in a few years for an illustration program

3- kissing in a forest or holding hands under the stars?

i’m afraid of forests because we have a lot of wildlife and i don’t want to get mauled by a bear don’t mind me holding hands under the stars :)

4- jeans or suit?

suit suit suIT SUIT suit. i love wearing suits. my chest doesn’t cooperate and my hips always hate them but god i do love suits.

5- loose hair or pulled back hair?

mine looks better loose, and my sides/back are shaved but the top reaches my ears, so it gets annoying sometimes and i pull it up to keep it out of my face

6- vampires or dragons?

i wanna say both. i used to say “yknow a dragon but in human form would be hot” then i got called dragon fucker for like two years so out of pure spite i’m going with vampires.

7- what saying do you wish could be a spell?

(this one’s a very specific reference so hear me out) “i’ve got to go pee on her”  used to disorient and confuse the speech of the person casted upon. it’s one of my favorite quotes from scott pilgrim vs. the world (my favorite movie ngl) when scott’s brain can’t figure out two different sentences and he just says that. it’s so good and just fuckin weird that i love it.

8- which carry on character would you go on a coffee date with if you could?

depends tbh! if we’re talking date date, then penny because i would wife penny in 0.5 seconds, but if we’re talking friends getting coffee then 10000000% baz because i’d talk activism and identities with him

9- favorite carry on quote?

“he told me we would be stars” (i don’t have my book on me so i could be getting the line wrong), but it hit so hard for me. like it’s clear how davy manipulated lucy so much that she fell into it and couldn’t crawl out. it’s such a powerful message of control from those who are charismatic enough to hold it, and how sometimes we aren’t weak enough to let go.

10- how excited are you for wayward son?

lemme paint this picture: i started hyperventilating in the hallway when i found out, and then cried an hour or two later when my friend texted me that he preordered me a signed copy. like. i’ve been pre-planning how to get home from college to come and pick it up (okok the 24th is also my dad’s birthday so i’m. um. “coming home to visit him”, of course) because i’m just SO EXCITED to read them again in a canon way :’)

[foxstens]

it’s over and i must talk

so let’s start with the most important thing: the routes and the boys. i’d rank them like this

1. kent

2. shin

3. ikki

4. toma

starting with toma’s route was very interesting, because it showed me from the beginning that this wasn’t going to be as fluffy and romance-focused as i had thought, and that there’d definitely be things about it i wouldn’t like. the interesting part tho is that it changed my perspective of toma in the other routes. like whenever he’d show up i’d just side-eye him and wait for him to show his true colors, which ultimately only happened in shin’s route. (and briefly in ukyo’s route)

but i guess there’s no right way to experience toma’s entire thing. bc according to reddit shin’s route should definitely be either the first or the last; if it’s the first it shows you very clearly that there’s more to toma than just ‘nice older brother figure’ and thus you go into his route expecting that

however if it’s last you’ve already experienced toma’s route so you might end up even suspecting him as the culprit because you know that there’s more to him, and that there’s no way he wouldn’t play a part in this route. so it’s a weird thing

but i don’t regret starting with his route. i don’t hate the route itself, i think it’s very effective and does exactly what it sets out to do, it’s just that it has so many negatives for me. starting from the color combination to toma’s entire character and design. eh. but it’s a good starting point i think, even if it wasn’t intended that way.

then there’s ikki’s route. which is..... fine?? i kind of spent half the game wishing death on him bc.... idk why, but then i kind of warmed up to him, and i got really happy whenever he showed up in the other routes. so i can’t say there’s a lot i absolutely hate about the route, but there also isn’t much i absolutely love?

as for shin.... story-wise i really love his route, however romance-wise... i didn’t hate it but i would’ve liked it more if the mc had a personality. lmao. shin himself is pretty easy to love, he’s a pretty good example of ‘jerk with a heart of gold’ and he definitely has the best design and the best cg’s in the entire game period. 

then there’s my favourite boy. an absolute cinnamon roll i would die and kill for. kent. i found him hilarious and kind of hard to deal with at first, with his methodical and logical thinking, or sometimes overthinking even, but then as it went on i noticed that he had an actual character arc going on, and my god wasn’t it just delightful. and i guess that’s what made the romance so compelling as well, because there wasn’t really an overarching plot, i got to spend a month with this boy, seeing him put effort into this relationship, seeing him struggle and fail sometimes but still keep trying. 

he’s also probably the one that treats the mc the best, because even if he initially goes into the entire relationship with a sort of experimental mindset, and with the mc kind of hating him, he isn’t afraid to admit his faults and to apologize when necessary, even if it happens a month too late. it felt so real and relatable so much so that every single end made me cry in some way. :’)

ukyo is in a different category for obvious reasons. his route i’d put maybe on the same level as shin’s. there were some things i loved about it and some i didn’t. i do think it does a good job of wrapping up everything and explaining stuff and seeing all the characters together all happy and shit was a lot of fun. i wasn’t the biggest fan of the romance overall but it was SO FREAKING SAD it still touched my heart.

i didn’t bother going through all the choices and memories and short stories bc i’m just not that big of a completionist in this particular case, but i did read kent’s memories section and his short story and they were pretty great. altho the fact that we never got to see the mc’s dog is wack. and according to this particular short story (and shin’s route) the mc did in fact have a personality which we never got to see and that’s also wack.

the art is mostly to my liking. i really love most of the character designs and the backgrounds, while on the simpler side, really fit the overall tone of the story. basically the only complaint i have is that the characters’ fingers are as long as their faces. it’s just. why. it just takes me out of a serious scene every time i see a hand on screen ashgngjnd. i did really like the drawing style cards or whatever that showed up before every new day.

the music is....romantic visual novel music i guess. i wouldn’t say any of it is outstanding or something i’d listen to all the time on its own, but i didn’t hate either. it always fit the mood and it is pretty good overall, just not my favourite. as for the voice acting, absolutely no complaints. the voice actors were all fitting for the roles and they did their absolute best. highlights include akira ishida aka kent whose voice is flat and even except when it’s not.

then there’s stuff like the interface and the gameplay or whatever which are both fine. not too complex easy to navigate although the skipping function doesn’t work the way it does in fsn and that’s annoying. and the fact that it doesn’t tell me how long i’ve been playing is also annoying. or maybe it does i just didn’t look for it in the right place eh. and the op plays every time you open the game, which i guess would be a nice thing for some ppl but i didn’t much care for it.

that’s about all i have to say. 

7/10 might change once i read more otome vns tho 

(orion is the absolute bestest boy tho. he should’ve had a route. or better yet. he should’ve been the protagonist. lmfao) (waka best boy #2)

[kokeggy]

my brain is filled with ouma and i cant stop it

i totally forgot the time man, its almost been 2 months since i played the game and it totally didnt feel like that at all

i still can recall a ton of things fluidly and as for now i dont see a particular reason to replay the game (other than wanting to get to know ouma better) 

but oumas character is just.. so tragic. i cant even begin to explain the depth of his character, it would be pages long and im way too lazy for that. ill always just write mental drafts and let myself feel when it comes to ouma

ill a cut here since its already a bit long rn lmao

and i think ouma is a character who is deeply troubled by his insecurities/possible mental illnesses (such as bpd or servere depression) in a way that these insecurities are his most memorable characteristics. that is absolutely sad and tragic

furthermore since the moment i started to play this game i always thought it was suspicious that ouma claimed he hated liars even tho he was one himself. sure that couldve been one of his lies, but my intention rlly didnt like this idea so i thought he was actually speaking the truth. i realized today that ouma was hinting at shuichi that he hated this persona that he had to create for the sake of this game

but i do agree that i sometimes tend to overthink ouma lmao while is incredibly intelligent, he couldnt have figured everything out, plus his trust issues and paranoia were in the way of looking into every possible situation. yet i somehow believed that he did a lot of stuff while being completely aware of their consequences - but thats not possible. ouma is not a superhuman who can figure out what happens to the world in [insert year]. hes a character with deep flaws which balances his cunning behavior 

to his actual personality, i might seem like the most biased person in the world but i truly believe that ouma didnt want to harm anyone. its just that the killing game... happened lol

as far as i can self-insert, i do believe if i happen to be in a killing game i would be quite similar about it. minus the creating a fake persona thing for me its absolutely impossible to trust 15 people whom i just met that they wouldnt kill me under stress. you know, if you activate the right buttons on someone, they can work how you want them to. and this is what feared ouma (rightly so)

anyways i take the anthologies as canon material since theyre approved and licensed by spike chunsoft, and we obviously see that ouma is nowhere near as antagonistic as he was in the game. although, i only have read the first anthology (also while we are at it, i cant wait to buy the thjree v3 anthologies even without knowing japanese, lulz)

but we also see his character actually getting darker and darker with each chapter, with chapter 4 probably taking the point. esp on when it ended. at first i was kind of conflicted about his oversentimal reaction towards gonta being executed, because that felt just as fake as his overly evil presentation afterwards. altho after some time thinking abt this, i came to the conclusion that he just leaked a little bit of his juicy true self(tm), realized that what he meant was actually genuine and then proceed to vent his emotions in making him seem like the most villainous person u ever met. because i think one of the reasons ouma acted out like is because he believed he was at fault for gontas death. so instead of trying to sweet talk yourself, he just took the oppurtunity to make him the least likeable person. cuz who would ever want to like someone who jokes about genuinely being concered about someone dying? yeah no one dude

also i think ouma is ironically a bit well-mannered (yeah guis im not joking here). ..  .if we ignore all his stupid pranks.. so you see, whenever i got rejected after dates with ouma in salmon mode.. it went like this for example “eeh, wow you are going to the libary with me and now you want to leave? that hella rude man, why am i wasting my time like this” or “wow you really must think highly of yourself if you think you are worth changing for, how arrogant”  which looks like he knows what is appropriate and what not

i remember what he said that and i suddenly went like “shit i cant believe im hearing this from you man” which was kinda funny as a side note btw

anyways, to his motive video. oh shit, his motive video . . . even without having known how messed up the translation was, that damaged me.-.. i mean i always thought that ouma exaggerated the size of his organization, at some poiint i just thought that his entire organization was a lie and his tru talent was the ultimate liar. which obsly wasnt the case lmao 

but his motive video.. just wanting to prank ppl for laughs and entertainment. its so light hearted compared to what he claimed it to be that it hurts another thing that i think is worth noting is that DICE was his motive video, not his family. DICE, who is like family. but not his actual family. what does that mean? does that mean that his actual family wasnt like family to ouma? i sure as hell thought so and i still do 

a different thing is that ouma said that nobody would care about him dying and that his organization would be better off without him, plus that it seems that monokuma said that ouma knows what happened to DICE in the motive video which leads me to.. uhh.. what if ouma did something he absolutely regretted doing (since it caused DICE trouble?) - but im not entire set on that theory

its also sad that he constantly had to hint about hiimself instead of just talking abt it to shuichi. like, he wanted shuichi to help him or actually even hinder him at carrying out his plan, he low key hoped for it because shuichi is a detective which showed to be shrewd enough to be able to make proper deductoins in class trials, furthermore he isnt a dick towards ouma and actually respects him in a way. something that ouma most likely didnt calculate

which mades the statement that shuichi said in the end of chapter 4 even more painful. shuichi was the only person that ouma kind of trusted and relied on. and prob the only one he wanted to show his true self to, that very person told him hes 5 ever alone with no friends at all. that hes a pathetic little brat who should start to view the world differently (def not what shuichi said 1:1 but.. yeah idk my own interpretation) 

im pretty sure that hurt ouma a lot 

hnnng, i truly wished for ouma to be one of the survivors. altho i figured that hes gonna plot something absolutely mind blowing in chapter 5, i seriously couldnt believe that he was actually dead... well, not until the closing argument. as soon as there were the words “closing argument” all over my screen i began to cry like an idiot. i couldnt even read properly man, thats just how blurry my vision was from all the tears

in other hand: i was (and still am lol) extremely attached to ouma and his death was very unsatisfying, since he died quite heroic but nobody considered him so. also he never made up with these ppl. also fuck kodaka

[bugclub]

ALL THA QUESTIONS

it wouldn’t let me copy the numbers ;:) so here we go fellas

Who hurt you the most?geez idk maybe my dad altho in retrospect he was right and i was wrong but he said some really messed up stuff to me sometimes and he also was usually the reason i would ever c** my***f

Who have you hurt the most?probably my dad as well. i was fucked up as a teenager and i know it was hell for him

Who do you miss the most?no offense but my dad. i just rly miss ig how life use to be when i lived with him.

Who do you want out of your life the most?the bitches and freaks that send me anon hate. begone demons

Who had the biggest negative impact on you?the white trash xanax junkies i met in 2014.

Who do you wish you could be honest with?i suppose emilio. im not holding any secrets in but i dont tell him a lot of stuff like when my emotions are dangerously out of whack or im having a panic attack or anything like that. i think if i were more open about stuff like that we’d communicate better when im actually freaking out

Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings towards?hmm.. coworkers come to mind just cause sometimes i dont agree with things they say but i dont want to make working with them uncomfortable by saying anything. other than that just crushes from my past probably

Who would the world be better off without?donald trump, racists, rapists, heroin dealers, etc

Who do you wish you’d treated differently?grace…i use to not like her because someone was feeding me lies…im so sorry grace my beautiful raspberry girl

What was the worst day of your life?probably the day i woke up in a daze post being raped with all my money stolen from my car . or i suppose the day it actually happened

What’s your greatest fear?losing my mind

What’s your biggest insecurity?hmm…not sure. honestly im not very insecure like i know i have insecurities but nothing comes to mind immediately. i wouldnt know til im insecure about it

What’s your biggest regret?getting hooked on xanax

Describe your ideal world.boondock saints are in charge and they’re my best friends

Describe your personal hell.donald trump is in charge and my best friend is my bong rosalina

What’s a hopeless dream you’re still holding on to?damn idek, probably just that every day of my life i wish emilio and i would meet sooner than we did but obviously there’s no point in that

What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?one time i let a girl borrow my phone in hs and her nosy ass went thru my shit and found…sensitive content. i was embarrassed for a long time. i only recently remembered this happened

What’s the angriest you’ve ever been?various evenings at my job at dominos. i fucking hate those bitches

What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?in the mental hospital

What’s the most scared you’ve ever been?this took me forever but it was DEFINITELY my bad trip. i thought i was dead lmao

What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?probably also during that acid trip. i thought i was not coming out and this was it. it felt like real life was melting away and i was gonna be stuck in some blank universe alone. horrible. im gagging

What’s the most frantic you’ve ever felt?i dont really get frantic ever. im good at staying calm especially in dire times

What’s the best case scenario for your future?emilio and i get married and have a family. i dont really want or need anything else

What’s the worst case scenario for you future?i try heroin get really fucked up and die alone

What’s the most physical pain you’ve ever felt?the pain from the last time i punched a wall was ridiculous and came in big waves which was awful. utis can hurt a lot and im prone to those for some reason. when i had the flu my body ached like ive never felt

What’s the most emotional pain you’ve ever felt?i dont want to talk about this one

Describe a time you felt like a hypocrite.i dunno.

Describe a time you felt like a traitor.obviously getting with emilio at first…but ik its not actually that messed up now so 💁 irrelevant

Describe a time you felt like a hero.i dont know. i use to help out my junkie friends a lot

Describe a time you felt inhuman.almost always

Describe a time you felt like a failure.in fourth grade i got an f in math because i kept putting the plus sign on the wrong side of the problem and my teacher failed me on all my homework. no one was even mad at me but i couldn’t look anyone in the eye for days

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?i dont know..i use to spew out hate in like 2010-2012. i hate that

What are you proudest of?my relationship with emilio, our good dogs, my recovery (not rly done yet but so far so good)

What’s your relationship with your family like?good. weird and a little distant at time but good

What’s your relationship with religion like?non-existent

Talk about someone you’ve lost.eh.

Talk about someone who abandoned you.eh.

Talk about a desire you have that scares you.not sure this is a thing for me

What’s something you wish you were capable of?wish i had more motivation for things that could make my future better like college

What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?not rly afraid of anything id do

Describe the kind of life you wish you’d been born into.mine was fine

Describe your worst heartbreak.i was subjected to things i shouldn’t have been because of bad timing. i wouldnt have wanted it any other way and things worked out

Describe your worst disappointment.not sure dont want to dig this deep rn

Have you ever taken a fall for someone?yes. and i still get shit on for a lot of it

Have you ever forced or let someone take a fall for you?i honestly dont think so. correct e if im wrong

Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?never on purpose (so far)

Have you ever done serious emotional harm to someone?probably. my bad

Have you ever self-harmed?yes

Have you ever attempted suicide?yes

Have you ever stolen something?yes

Have you ever cheated on someone?no

Have you ever been cheated on?no

Have you ever taken revenge on someone?nah

Have you ever seriously considered killing somone?yes 😂 oops

Have you ever betrayed someone who trusted you?allegedly

Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?yes

thanks 💝🍓

if anyone reads all tis i love you and urr one of my best friends

[kkukkung]

idk if you've watched mxray yet but like (spoiler alert) i'm shocked at how fast minhyuk figured out who the mafia is like... the game had -just- started and he slid up to the camera immediately and started naming names. what kind of alien sorcery?? truly the most perceptive mx member

yes! minhyuk is rly sharp like his brain works v quickly!! he notices minute details abt people + the mood and responds to things super efficiently! like if someone isn’t saying much (read: shownu mostly lol) he guides them into the action and maintains a good atmosphere... and he’s good at noticing when someone is feeling down + naturally comforts them without being too imposing? :’> 💖💖 one of my favourite things abt him

more late replies under cut!

ordered oldest to newest... 

there are so many i’m sorry omg... this is literally 4k words... first of all i’m rly sorry i’m so bad with replies ;___; i’m going to... do_better.mp3 once i’ve caught up. questions from today will b in a separate compiled ask thing. thank you for being patient w me (i’m saying this like u have a choice jhsfgskdj rip) and i’m very sorry that lots of these referred to something that has now become irrelevant. i’ll work harder 💖

(svzannebrown(.)tumblr(.)com/post/154440030608/all-that-anyone-needs-to-know-about-my-time-in) i found shownu's origin story

(link) aaaa this video jkgfhkj it’s rly so cute ;___; ur right it’s him

shownu had his foot on mh's d and changkyun played shownu's ass like a drum...what a time to be alive

truly. i love shownu initiating anything btw like, bc altho he tolerates anything the others do to him he rarely does anything back to them?? so seeing him being playful is rly fascinating.

wHYD YOU GOTTA TAG THAT AS "b*k**k*" I CANT SEE IT ANY OTHER WAY NOW 😭😭😭🔫🔫

this was... in reference to the water gun scene in ep 1 of mxray jskdfhg im sry... hyungwon spitting it back out like a fountain tho... please... a real Freaq

I'm scream I was looking thru the tags of the gifset of mx sleeping and someone tagged "showhyuk are wearing masks cuz they're the ones who sleep with their eyes open" DKRKKFKG I forgot about that Please Release The Terrifying Eyes

kjsghdfgkjskjfd imagine them sleeping without their masks with their eyes open facing each other just................ staring... i feel like mh would look especially Terrifying

Ok but think abt this: Jackson and Wonho pans*xual m8s who support each other on the low. Yes.

yes i love it. also gym workout partners. small calves big thigh centaur buddies. sweetheart squad.

does kihyun KNOW, like, does he ///know///

i think... i think he Knows,

someone should sign jeonghan and minhyuk up for celeb bromance so they can go on that flower picking date minhyuk wanted

FLOWER PICKING that’s so cute... minhan in a flower meadow holding baskets of flowers and putting daisy chains on each other’s heads.... .... n then it gets dark and the flowers start whispering “stay with us forever” bc they are jealous of how pretty the flowerboys are... giant venus flytraps emerge and minhyuk sacrifices jeonghan and escapes sfhkgfkj but he forgets abt the daisy chain jeonghan put on his head earlier and it morphs into a stinking corpse lily which eats him :/ im sry i can’t just... leave scenarios cute wtf

Kihyun carrying Mingyu on his back(again)... Taking him to where monbebes are and making him greet them... Doesn't this remind you of something... Anyways I love true love and friendship:)

oo anon im not sure what this is meant to remind me of??jssjdkgh i’m not that familiar w svt :( most of what i know abt them comes from their interactions w other groups... but yes i think seventeen with mx is the cutest thing they seem so so close??

"is it just me or is the entire world infatuated with jeonghan" OMG girl SS SsSSAME he's my bias in seventeen (my ult... the bias that got me into kpop) and as I got to know him he rlly is like that?? He's got this easygoing and likable personality that isn't overwhelming for introverts/quieter people but more outgoing ppl flock to him too bc he's still inquisitive and engaging to interact with \ahh sorry i rlly had to go off abt my fave I love him

this is so cute tbh i thought jeonghan was lowkey evil sdhfjgkj like he looks angelic but he’s.............  and the reason why minhyuk likes him is bc... they’re both pretty boys who r actuall.y.... Evil lmao. im kidding im kidding ofc from what i know of jeonghan he’s like u describe him to be but also Very Libra...lmao.....👀👀👀👀 i rly like his vibe idk he’s kind of ??? healing ?? and i rly love minhan a lot :0

i found ur sweater paws tag for the first time today and ive never been happier in m entire life thank u..........

jsfdhg you’re welcome!! there’s not a lot on that tag but i’m glad u enjoyed ur time there! it’s mostly hyungwon who has them bc he loves sleeves that that too long for his already long arms?? minhyuk likes them when he feels like being c*te and wonho uses them to look s*ft... i could analyse this

I swear that Minhyuk can potentially dominate the world...I mean you've seen how he's got everyone wrapped around his little finger, especially Shownu (Showhyuk could become kings of the world and I wouldn't mind tbh), and you think he's just an innocent pretty boy at first? JOKES! That boy is coming for you. He's coming for all of us.

hands up if u’ve been personally SCAMMED by minhyuk... anyway yes i feel like every member of mx loves lmh a lot and appreciate him lots?? especially how much he’s improved since debut and what he does for the atmosphere + entire vibe of mx!

(wh airport photo anon) I havent seen it but my friend told me about it one time casually like "rmbr that photo of wonho at the airport?" and im like ''???'' so they said wonho was adjusting his pants and the waistband went too far down or something like that and you could see a happy trail? like a lot apparently and idk i felt creepy to be like "show me" so i lost my opportunity to see it and havent found it since :/ its gonna haunt me for the rest of my life

i rly think i would’ve... just shamelessly said “show me” lmao especially when they already described it in that much detail 👀👀👀👀hmmmmm jgfkhds but im glad ur dignity is intact anon! if anyone does know... what this photo is..... 👀 slide into my inbox.... idk whenever i see his stomach/abs it’s all very Clean u kno he shaves for performances where he has to show his body... he looks like a hotdog..... clean and slippery and often oiled up w a sheen

i once made the mistake of assuming that short, pink-haired boys with stubby fingers and fat feet and cheek dimples were harmless, only to find out that they're actually a 93 liner whose chin will stab you and they must always win in any scenario. i now regret just about everything

FAT FEET. rly why does kihyun think his chin is a weapon like he’s always holding it at that exact angle if u kno what i mean w a small smirk on his lips... knife cat meme.... nd jdkfghskj ik he rly can’t stand losing/being wronged

I dreamed Seungcheol 'owned' a Burguer King and Jeonghan and Minhyuk spent there the night and ended up getting together and the next morning everyone was like??? What happened to u two??? And they were like love happened:))) I HA T E MYSELF SO MUVH

hfkjfsadjkdsfhdfgdkjkfhdksdhfsdjkhf WHY DID THEY FRICKLE IN A BURGER KING OF ALL PLACESbnjkd

Great skater Wonho tags. A+

Bruh that fic idea in your XKOMBAT Wonho picture is amazing. I wish I was good at writing, especially for that concept...

PLEASE jkfdgkh it was rly just an early morning brain fart but thank u sm... i used to write ficlet tags all the time but recently i’ve been too busy to tag much. and anon2 u should give it a shot! like writing is something u get better @ with time (like... most things lmao idk what im trying to say) but rly we need more writers in this fandom and don’t let self doubt get in the way of what u want to do! i’d be happy to read people’s fics if they want me to btw :>

Case example 374926395 of YKH must always win: changkyun jokingly throwing a tiny snowball at his back and kihyun retaliating by slamming a giantass handful of snow on top of changkyun's head. When will the war ever end?

I KNOW !!!!!!! it’s such an expected reaction from kihyun tho idk why they keep provoking him!!! it’s mostly ck wh + mh like tbh, there must be something..... masochistic in this they enjoy it somehow jfshgd... kihyun has to have the last laugh he has to Win lmao

You're so cute

this is Fake im Fake ur Fake but u kno what’s 100% real? my love and gratitude for u ily thank u hfgdj

Never stop doing the Wonho and Shakespeare thing! :o

thank u omg i probably couldn’t stop if i wanted to?? im very attracted to Raw Feelings and wonho & shakespeare both do that.... especially well...

it's rly hard to find wonho fansites that don't bleach him :/// like he's already so pale they don't... need to... like i know why they do it (not that i condone it) but srsly wonho is already super pale it's not like we don't know he's pale LOL. i remember round wh used to have good unbleached photos but there was one point a few months ago where they put this awful filter on their wonho photos it didn't just make him pale but it made his skin??? blue silver?? it was disappointing

the tragedy of round_wh jgkhsdgj i know :(((( and rose petal jam too :((( playboi_wh has some mostly untouched/unedited photos i rly like!

do u ever wish for that cute lil heart choker to make a comeback i miss wonho with it :-/

he hasn’t worn chokers for a while i’m stressed!!!! the pink heart choker was Iconic but idk why no1 ever talks abt THIS masterpiece

 truly innovative, redefined the gothfurry subculture.

am I the only one who realized that wonho is the one who solved all the escape rooms first on the first ep of xray... Ngl... Not to brag but honestly I have the most talented bias in the world..

wonho on shows is rly interesting bc he’s either completely and utterly useless (i.e...... what was that bouncy ball mess in ep4, also on weekly idol when he was... a mess) OR the golden hyung/saviour like there’s rly no in between?? he’s still trying to decide whether or not to present himself as a dumbass or not pls save him :/ dshfjkg im kidding i think it’s more like... he’s good at a certain sort of physical activity that involves concentrating on one simple thing (ddr --> getting the moves right, thigh-wrestling --> using thigh strength...) but not good at performing under pressure (tkd demonstration, bouncy ball racing against a senior idol)... re puzzles i think it’s not so much that he’s good at the puzzles themselves (mh + ck are better at that) but, he’s good at understanding the motivations and feelings of other people/predicting the path that a variety show would go; so that’s kind of how he got the password without finding all the hints, bc he knew it would be something meaningful like their debut date. idk that’s what i think!! like, wonho is smart but more emotionally/people-smart than smart in the traditional sense imo?? hope this makes sense omg

I don't know if you know about this, but does starship allow people to send in gifts for theonsta X members? Like do they have guidelines you have to follow cause I saw they moved buildings and I've always wanted to send in gifts cause I know Monsta x will never have a concert where I live.

hey im sry this is so late but the general guidelines for presents is pretty much common sense i think (no food, no weird used things, etc., and some companies don’t allow gifts that are too expensive).... i know starship allows gifts but i’m not too sure abt the specifics?? i’ve heard of people sending in things like clothing and books and framed fanart and whatnot but yeah... if anyone knows/has experience sending presents, please help this anon! :>

I love when u use the word Floof I've incorporated it into my vocabulary now 😣💕

i love the word floof!! also floofy and floofball and floomf gjdkfh ur so cute i’m glad u’ve absorbed it into ur lexicon! 💕💕💕💕💕

there's kind of a rush from starship to make mx big before they start enlisting i think :( it's kind of sad to think about. that's probably why they've been working nonstop since all in. i think starship expected them to make it big from debut (thus the rush to get a first win and taking their phones away) and mx was promised that but things didn't go as planned. at least that's the feeling i'm getting. i think the success of part 2.5 will determine if they're going to stay in japan or korea

i feel like... enlistment is still so far away for them?? usually groups have a 7-ish year run anyway n like............ not to talk abt d*sbandment but i think mx rly have to gain more musical autonomy if they want to stay in the industry for a long time, and adapt to the changing entertainment landscape like big bang does? i agree tho that starship expected mx to be a lot bigger initially but tbh... i have so much beef w the timing, planning, management team like................ i rly truly feel like if they promoted hero instead of rush a first win would’ve been far more likely... not to mention all of their comebacks + even their debut?? have clashed w other Big Name Groups’ promotion times and they’re always so infuriatingly close but :/ aaaa... also idk they need more ?? flamboyance ?? they put on the best stages and work themselves to death but i feel like sometimes the choreography itself, although v nice in their practice room filmed w a non-moving camera from the front, doesn’t carry over to the stage/live performances as well? and w their title tracks too idk i sometimes feel like starship is forever a little behind with the musical trend of the time... mx has never released a bad song but lmao, to be honest i feel like their title tracks have never been flashy enough? :/ their concept team is doing well tho i think the x clan aesthetic is a+ and it was the all in/stuck/fighter vibes+visuals that drew in a lot of new fans, myself included. idk sometimes i just feel like......... starship isn’t bringing out their full potential nd it makes me >:(((.......... ANYWAYS i have high hopes for the upcoming comeback pls pls pls support them

Ok but,,,he ain't even ugly in em tho, how does he still look a model even when he tryna look like spongebob

regarding this post lmao. not to be blinded by love also but ur right he’s never looked bad in his entire life :/

Mx members broken down: just a stuffed bear?? How'd that get there?, spongebob, Wallace and gromit, shifty cat, Kermit the frog, zico????, and an alien dressed as a human trying to blend into society

jkfdghkj enough!!!!! not to b serious on a cute funny ask but it must be :/ being compared to an established idol rapper all the time and whenever i think abt all the shit jooheon must’ve gone through during their debut year as the Representative Monsta X Member and all the pressure he was under after being so hyped up after no mercy.... i :( feelsbadman... 

Minhyuks secret was prolly everyone's **** size....tbh...

in response to >this

girl ngl you have some of the most nastie tags ive seen on this website sometimes but they always make me laugh, thanks for being so rad

PLEASE I FEEL LIKe... my tags aren’t even that nasty but mb i follow a different set of people and we’re used to different things lmao sjhghj i swear i’m pretty tame?? thank u for enjoying them tho ily darling 🌻🌻🌻

"he's my own flesh and blood. my cells quiver when he sneezes" - anniesus on im changkyun, 1:17, monbebe bible

SJDHFPLEASE but like... rly.... no printers only fax

i totally agree srsly i don't get how ppl don't see how scripted survival shows in general are lol... ppl felt rly bad for ck and i TOTALLY GET IT but like sometimes ppl go as far as saying the contestants b*llied him or like, genuinely hated him... and it doesn't sit well with me...i tried explaining this once but someone was like "but he looked so sad in no mercy i can just tell bc if his expressions " he might have felt awkward and he's introverted but i rly don't think he was mistreated

YESYES^^^^^^^^^^^^ idk some people rly.... think no mercy was..... a reliable portrait of reality jkfhdsg. when ppl take it too far and say the others rly mistreated him or hated him it makes my eyes roll back into my skull idk like !!! do u rly think!!! no mercy was one big scripted story with convenient narrative arcs and changkyun’s ate arrival was one of them. i think at that point it was obvious changkyun was going to debut?? and how do u make an audience like someone in the shortest amount of time possible? u make them sympathise with him/his situation. no mercy was very organised storytelling, if u know what i mean, it is a very narrative-driven show with victims and villains and timed hurdles and it concludes in a very neat way.

Ur tags about minhyuk being dramatic on no mercy dkfkfjkgk I love him my bad actor baby.....rmr in the same ep changkyun came on I think where hyungwon and gun played a prank on a younger guy where they were "fighting" and minhyuk kept laughing thru it ddkjfjf idk if that was his #Concept like was he supposed to be awkward laughing. Idek but um I'm love his dumbass

he’s AWFUL at acting jskhdfg but yoonho, dear pure boy i love with my whole heart, rly fell for it regardless bc he just wanted everyone to get along hjfdjkdf :( ur right lmao lmh rly found it funny i doubt it was a Concept i think he’s genuinely just................... bad at acting jksdfgh

THANK YOU for pointing out how obviously scripted no mercy was; like honestly any reality show from any country is overproduced and you have to take everything with a grain of salt. But here's the real question (and you don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable): did starship already have the final lineup planned? Personally I think that some were gonna make it regardless (jooheon, shownu, kihyun) and that the others weren't finalized until later, but idk man it's still a big debate

i agree!! but i’d definitely add changkyun to the planned debut lineup. i think starship wanted to debut yoonho originally but they realised too late that he wasn’t ready yet. also, it’s interesting what they did w #gun bc they rly made u like him as a person, rly sympathise w him, rly anticipate him when it was kind of clear in a hip hop group there would b a high tone rapper and a low tone rapper... and jooheon was definitely going to debut like 100% lmao so the high tone slot was taken from the beginning. i think starship had plans for #gun already at that point but he wasn’t gonna make it into mx. and i think wonho was also most likely in the lineup, but it wasn’t decided at the beginning of the show like it was with the other three u mentioned.. probably somewhere along the line. i think Perhaps hyungwon n minhyuk were in the dark.

this isn't prompted by anything but you: makes/reblogs a post me: 💝💝💝💖💖💖💗💗💗💓💓💞💞💕💕💕💕💖💖💘💘💘💘💘 you: writes tags me: 💖💖💖💖💘💘💝💝💘💘💞💕💕💖💓💓💓💗💗💖💕💘💗💗💘💘💕💖💗💗💘💘💕💖💖💖💓💖💘💕💘💗💘💘💘💗💘💞💘 i love u and ur blog so much ur so funny and smart??? u always have valuable things to say??? amazing ..

this is 2 much i rly looked at this msg for like 3 days straight pleasthe............ im... very flattered jkshg but i’m rly just ur casual mess,.., thank u sm for enjoying my humble blob :( i hope ur having the best day rly honestly & truly i appreciate this sm jhfdgjghj idk how to respond adequately!!!! 💖💖💖💖💘💘💝💝💘💘💞💕💕💖💓💓💓💗💗💖💕💘💗💝💗💘💘💕💖💗💗💘💘💕💖💖💖💓💖💘💕💘💗💘💘💘💗💘💞💘💝💝💝💖💖💖💗💗💗💓💓💞💞💕💕💕💕💖💖💘💘💘💘💘!!!!!

I had a mini freakout too, we got scammed so hard. the old selca before and the dark undercut now. he said a few months ago that he's going to dye his hair black for the next comeback though ;; don't lose hope mbb

(regarding wonho not having black hair and being Scammed Again jkdghsjk) i rly do hope he goes darker bc it must suck bleaching and dyeing all the time :/ he looks good w every colour tho so i won’t complain regardless of what happens 💖

ummmm did u ever watch the wonho hand reading vid ?????? (the audio ,,, i couldnt hear shit,,,) i watched minhyuks and i was like wow a certified demon agdjdkjsh joking but everything he said had me liek yeth its trUE!!!!

the best part of the wonho one was when he said “he’s got love in his heart, but he doesn’t quite know what it is” and “when this photo was taken he was probably feeling sorry or sad for himself or something” sdfhgkjdfgs AND WHEN HE SUGGESTED WONHO SHOULD STUDY METAPHYSICS i rly scremed.... also he has the will to go for what he wants + he’s sensitive !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tru!!! ALSO IM SCREAMING I KNOW minhyuk’s was SO ACCURATE kjfdshkjgsdf “THE LINE OF HEART IS SOMEWHAT DISTURBED” jkfhsgkjhdfsg  DEMON

I'm unsure if you are into block b or not, but I thought I should tell you just in case that P. O's mother passed away on the 27the due to chronic illness

aa i’m not rly into block b but this is super sad :( i feel awful for answering this so late but my thoughts are with him and his family 💞 

Kamsaminda!!! I literally face palmed so hard! Kboo logic is something else

it’s just.............. very ironic that they claimed their english was getting worse bc they’re so immersed in the ~Korean Way~ but... “kamsaminda”......... 

Ur tags are what I live for omg 😂 

thank you darling 💝💝 i feel a bit :/ recently bc i haven’t been as active as i’d like to on this blog but i’m catching up and i’m... gonna work harder jshfdg tysm!

*hugs you real tight* would you please send this to the first 10 people in your dash (or whoever)? Make sure someone gets a hug today and stay safe! (づ◕‿◕)づ

aaaa thank you!!! i’m sending it back w my heart wrapped in a ribbon 💝 ty for this and i hope you’re also well-hugged and safe!

Annie I just wanted to say I appreciate u for being such a lovely and funny and kind person u get so many q's (bc ur so lovely and fun to talk to) and I'm obviously only adding onto ur backlog of messages sorry dkfkjgg but yeth u always give thoughtful or funny responses and ur Bloggie is just always so refreshing and fun to read I like to go thru ur posts when I've had a tiring day and just read ur funny tags and replies so ty for that :') 💕

sdhfjkgs i don’t deserve all u nice anons :((( thank you for enjoying my blobspace i’m going to work harder to become this ????? ? lovely funny kind person i’ve tricked u into thinking i am??? rly this means a lot to me i love u !!!!!! like tbh i don’t get That Many messages i think i just... let them pile up and it’s my own fault so don’t worry abt the backlog!!! anyway i appreciate this sm and rly... it’s... ridic that there are people out there like u... really sweet people who send other people nice messages anonymously w no real purpose but to make them happy like ?????? ppl like u go straight to heaven.. ily ily i hope you’re doing well today angel!!! 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

[aberaspberry]

PR mess

I need to go back to my hobby cause freaking cute ass Andy and Danai and AMC pr mess has me thinking about them too much lol. Altho I do live for AMC/TWD drama and since Chandler was fired theres been a lot. Theres a bunch of ramblings I want to try to get together.

1. Rick Grimes is being written off the show. Andy is leaving TWD as an actor and thats a fact. AMC wouldn't keep harping on “Rick’s final episode” if it was dumpster-gate all over again. They're only even going with that since It was leaked so they decided to use this as a grab for ratings. Nor would they/press contact like everyone whose ever been on the show to say a tribute to Andy leaving the show. Thats a little too much of insane theatrics lol. 

2. Andy leaving for his family is starting to look like a lie. One thing I keep forgetting (because I didn't know this til awhile ago) is that his family moved back to England in 2016. I always thought they stayed with him in Atlanta and had been since 2010. I find it funny that some cast members, well particularly Chandler, keep saying “oh he’s been away from his family for like 8 years.” I’m like wait, what? It hasn't been that long lmao. I mean living away from family for 2 years has got to be hard but some cast make it seem like its been a decade. His wife and kids moved 2 years ago back to England so theres a marriage shakeup. There was an article from the guardian in May 2016, the my wife is my app comment one lol, where it seems like his wife is happy and making a home for their family in Atlanta so what changed.

3. Starting to look like divorce, separation is the reason for leaving (I mean we pretty much know that by now lmao but still). One way to get a divorce in the UK is if the spouses have been separated for at least 2 years and what do ya know? He leaves the show 2 years after his wife and kids moved back to England. He could of left the show in June, went back home July-September to finalize the divorce or do whatever they needed to go through with it. Idk how divorce works lmao but the word continuity in regard to his children is key in custody arrangements that I never thought about but saw Alyssa point out. Like dude is dropping mad hints lmao. He also said he had to go back home for some important dates.  

4. The TMZ video and answering “don't believe what you read in the press.” Like WTF?? I still don't fully get it so Im just guessing here.The TMZ dude asked what he did to commemorate his final ep so I’m thinking his answer is involving his status on the show. But that doesn't make any sense since at the premiere the next day he acknowledges his leaving, as he has been. It doesn't seem like its about directing since that was a direct quote from him to Dalton and/or Brandon so they know him. I mean I guess that leaves his reason for leaving (family) to be the made up thing but it still seems weird he’s answering that question when it wasn't asked. I thought he was trolling but it is true he doesn't really troll since pretty much everything he says has some truth to it. (him hyping the show is more-so what I mean cause some stuff of the show is trash yet he has to gas it up lol) 

5. TMZ even being there when he arrived at LAX. When I first saw his photos I thought Andy had like ended up taking the wrong exit cause he rarely meets paps/auto people in the airport lol. He and/or his people called up TMZ and co to clear up (or dispute lol whatever) some other pr/stuff in the press with his answer. Altho its funny that TMZ was like, lol this is a non-story so whatever. So for that I don't even get what Andy was trying to say. Altho I'm a lil slow on the uptake so watch me go OH! Thats what he meant!” in like 2 weeks lol

6. Read between the lines. Things being said and things being done are pretty different. At this point Andy is the opposite of practice what you preach. I only mean that in regards to what he’s said to press from SDCC to now. Im not too great at reading the actual meaning to what Andy has been saying, TMZ case in point lol, but I feel like it’ll make sense after sometime. Like some stuff said at SDCC now finally makes sense. 

7. Im kinda frustrated with Andy. Like every time I map out what im thinking happened I still get annoyed cause AMC PR family bs had to/has been shoved down our throat. Like you just had to go back to your family cause you missed them so much but now youre saying you miss your TWD family so much and youre coming back to ATL. Im just like dude you didnt have to have your character killed if you knew you’d be back while season 9 is still filming.

8. How I feel it went down after this May: Andy needed to go back home for an extended period of time and he wasn't too sure how long it would be. He had to go back home because his kids, custody, divorce and such. Of course he cant say thats the reason to press lol. Him leaving this season got leaked out so AMC had to go with the perfect family man going back to his family reason. Probably because its close to the truth and also to soften blowback when people find out its cause divorce he left. Also all these tributes are to soften blowback as well, well partially. AMC is still milking Rick’s departure for all its worth. He was then going to come back to ATL in like October to shadow then direct next year. Reason why Im frustrated is that he had to go along with this bs and now precious richonne is gonna be gone. I still think they shoulda went with the “left to pursue other projects” reason. Im also still like why couldn't he say he was gonna direct?

9. I forgot some stuff, I know it lol. I’ll add more stuff tomorrow. This long ass post is what happens when you live for drama and have been a part of gossip site ONTD for 10 years lmao. Plus I’m bored lol

[daniellebettes]

Random Ranting

You know I honestly feel like I'm dragging people down with my problems. I'm shocked I still have friends because of all the bullshit I put them through. I don't even deserve them, and they deserve a much better friend than me.

It's been about 2 years since I started self harming. 2. And rarely did I stop to kick the habit, I only stopped because if I didn't someone would've noticed. (At least with my shoulders.) No one gave a shit when I cut on my wrists. It was pretty much in plain sight because it was spring uniforms at my high school. After I got myself into therapy, which I regret with every fiber of my being, I started cutting on my shoulders where my sleeves cover. The only time they didn't was sleeveless dresses and my bathing suit. No one noticed them because they were somewhat faded if anyone saw.

I wonder how many people noticed my wrist and didn't say a damn word. I wonder how many of them went by without a second thought. I wonder if any of them actually wanted to say something, but didn't know what to say. I wonder if any of them even cared. My own friends didn't give two shits. They all claimed they wanted to say something but just didn't know how, or thought I'd be mad at them. Would they rather see me dead? Honestly.

For the studio I got my senior pictures done at, they uploaded one of my photos to their senior gallery on their site. (They had my permission to use my photos in their store and on the site. I do not know if any of my photos are in the store.) As I browsed the site the other day, I was the first one. I noticed my wrist and it had a single cut. That was way before I started doing multiple, or they were too bunched together to notice multiple. But either way I saw it. I wonder how many of this year's seniors are looking at that photo, and not realizing it was self inflicted.

I wasn't disgusted at it. I thought to myself, "huh I looked better off back then, than I do now." Those were taken in October if I remember correctly. That was before I got forced into therapy. (Sounds like I'm contradicting myself, not the case.) Technically because of my actions I was forced into it in order to return to school. I almost actually wasn't allowed back for quite sometime if my dad didn't talk to the vice principal. (Yea I actually almost got suspended for being suicidal, welcome to catholic school.)

Like seriously, I almost got suspended because I spoke up about how suicidal I was. I spoke up about how I cut myself. Did he really think it was a smart idea to try and suspend me? Like I did that shit at my house. (I did try at school, but I had nothing on me tbh.) The only person getting hurt was me, so I wasn't a danger to the other students. That's the last time I speak up about my problems. Fuck catholic school.

I was sent somewhere nearby to get some help. (6 months later and I'm still a fuck up, what a shock.) I should've taken the option to use pills when I had the chance. I'm kinda used to it by now. Huh who knew after trying to overdose, I wouldn't mind taking pills. Oh well.

I'm honestly just biding my time in therapy until I get discharged. By my therapist he's seen a 'vast improvement' and said I'd be discharged after I start college because he wanted to see how I settle in. He only thinks I'm improving because I haven't told him all the bullshit that went on in my life. Sure I've told him some things so he doesn't think my life is perfect, but not the main shit. If I wasn't going to college I would've been discharged months ago.

He sure as hell doesn't know I've been self harming after since the first session I had with him. Hell I'm pretty sure in one of our sessions he had Facebook open because I could hear the beeps. He seemed like he wanted to do something else other than listen to me talk. A few times he even got some stuff I've said wrong, and I didn't want to correct him. I get I'm not the only one he sees, but you shouldn't say misinformation about your patient. Or ask them if you're unsure, not say it as fact.

I wonder if any of my friends, the few I actually have left, care. I wonder how many of them want to leave me as well. Why would they want to be friends with a girl like me? I've said this before, I'm the extra piece in the puzzle. I'm the extra button you only use when a button falls off, but you don't need. Would anyone even miss me when I'm gone?

The group I'm in doesn't need me. A is only 6 months younger than me, but he acts more like a leader than I ever did. One of the boys thought I was 16 instead of 18. Doesn't seem like a big deal, but I'm the oldest in the group. You wouldn't think that by the way I act. Most of them think A's the oldest, but it's actually me. Guess it's because I went to a different high school than most of them.

It's been about 4 years since I've been in that group, and yet I still feel like an outsider. I feel like I don't belong. Sure there is another girl in the group, and we do get along, but she's way younger than me so I can't talk to her about stuff. I used to talk to A about stuff since we are in the same grade and pretty much the same age, but I feel like our friendship changed when he got a girlfriend.

I don't feel right talking to him about stuff going on in my life anymore. I mean we do talk, but never about personal issues anymore. We talk about college and stuff like that. He makes me laugh when we're with the group. And even after cutting him off of social media, I don't think he hates me. (Altho I haven't seen him since I did that.) I did it because I needed a break from his stuff. He didn't post much, but when he did it would always be at the top of my feed. It got annoying. Sure I didn't have to cut him off, but I did. I hope he doesn't hate me.

It just sucks. People think I'm this bright girl who smiles a lot, but it's been a lie. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. Okay, slightly a lie. When I was in Vermont with the group, I was happy for a short while. I was also happy when I was at a friend's graduation pool party. Other than those two events, I don't remember a time where I was happy. Even with my other friends' grad parties, I wasn't ever truly happy. Before one of them, I starved myself that day. When the party came I ate because I had to.

This got pretty long. If anyone is reading, thanks? Idk. I just made this blog so no one I know in real life can read them. I just wanted to rant without someone getting triggered and saying, "Omg Dani is going to kill herself!" (PS: As far as y'all are aware of, my name is Dani.)

"Omg Dani stop being so depressed, other people have it worse." If you ever use that line, just shut the fuck up right now. This isn't a fucking competition on who has the most fucked up life. People have fucked up lives, it's not the fucking Olympics.