#alternative responses to saying i love you

[solrburst]

the nanny — joel miller

pairing: joel miller x nanny!reader

summary: Joel is desperate for a nanny for Ellie, and you're his last hope.

tags/warnings: dad!joel, age gap, mention of death, alternative universe/no cordyceps, unprotected sex, oral sex (f! receiving), joel is a flirt, dirty talk

author's note: i love seeing flirty!joel almost as i love dad!joel

word count: 12k

The sun beat down heavy on Austin's cracked pavement when you pulled out the taxi. You could hear the cicadas buzzing like some lazy warning in the trees. The house wasn’t anything special—single-story, flat-roofed, a tired porch with an ashtray full of cigarette butts and a half-drunk beer sweating on the railing.

Joel Miller opened the door before you even knocked.

He stood there, filling the doorway with the kind of broad-shouldered presence that made people pause without knowing why. Dark hair just starting to go silver at the temples, thick lines drawn deep around his eyes. He looked like someone who'd seen too much too young and learned to say very little about it.

“You’re the nanny?” he asked, one brow raised, voice low and sandpaper-rough.

You blinked once. “Unless you’re about to offer me a better job.”

A beat passed.

Then—something flickered in his eyes. Not quite a smile, but not not one either. He stepped aside and nodded. “Come on in.”

The house smelled like wood, sweat, and something faintly sweet—maybe cereal. You caught the faint rumble of a TV from down the hall, something animated and overly loud.

Joel shut the door behind you and scratched the back of his neck. “Look, just to get this out of the way... she’s a lot. Talks back. Doesn’t listen half the time. Last one didn’t even make it to lunch.”

You let your bag drop to the floor by the door and glanced up at him, your voice easy. “So she’s seven?”

He exhaled through his nose, maybe a chuckle buried in there somewhere. “Somethin’ like that. Sometimes she talks like she’s twenty.”

Just then, a blur of limbs and tangled hair skidded into the hallway.

“Is this another one?” Ellie stood with her arms crossed, surveying you like a bouncer outside a bar. “You look like you smell like soap and Pinterest boards.”

You raised a brow. “You look like you snuck a Sharpie snack and tried to hide it with your hair.”

She blinked. Then snorted. “Okay, that was pretty good.”

Joel glanced between the two of you. His hand landed on his hip like he was bracing himself for another trainwreck—but Ellie wasn’t running off. Wasn’t screaming. In fact, she was smirking.

He muttered to himself, “I’ll be damned.”

Tommy’s voice floated in from the front porch. “You ready or what?”

Joel grabbed his keys from the hook and looked at you one last time, almost reluctant.

“You sure you’re good with her?”

You shrugged. “I’ve babysat worse. One kid tried to throw a waffle iron at me.”

Ellie’s eyes lit up. “Did you throw it back?”

You gave her a conspiratorial grin. “Only metaphorically.”

Joel exhaled slow. Then nodded once.

“I’ll be back around five. If anything goes sideways... call me.”

You saluted lazily. “Got it, Captain.”

And then he was gone, the screen door clattering behind him as his boots disappeared down the porch steps. You turned back toward Ellie.

“So, what’s your plan, boss?”

She cocked her head. “I was gonna trap you in the laundry room, but now I kinda wanna see if you can beat me at Mario Kart.”

You grinned. “Loser makes the winner a snack.”

“You're on.”

And just like that, Ellie Miller had met her match.

The living room was dark except for the soft blue glow of the TV, set to some old cartoon playing on mute. Joel pushed the door open slow, bracing himself for the worst: broken dishes, yelling, or silence—that kind of silence. The kind that meant another nanny had packed up and left without saying goodbye.

His boots creaked against the floor as he stepped inside. "Ellie?"

No response. Not even the usual clatter of her throwing something across the room in rebellion.

He moved further in, already unhooking his keys from his belt loop, mentally rehearsing the apology he’d have to send to Tommy for wasting another referral.

But then he saw you.

You were curled up on the edge of the worn couch, feet tucked beneath you, the glow of the TV playing across your face. Calm. Like this was just a Tuesday. No blood. No chaos. No broken spirits.

Joel blinked, mouth parting slightly.

You turned when you heard him and offered a low, casual, “Hey.”

He squinted. “Hey? That’s it?”

You nodded, stretching your arms with a small yawn. “Kid’s knocked out cold. Upstairs. Brushed teeth, bedtime story, everything.”

He looked at you like you'd just told him aliens landed in the backyard.

"Wait—asleep? It's not even eight."

“Early start tomorrow. School.” You said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Joel stepped into the kitchen without a word and opened the fridge just to give his hands something to do. The beer he’d left from the morning was still in there. He cracked it open, trying not to stare too hard at you over the rim of the bottle.

“I figured I’d walk into a war zone,” he muttered. “You didn’t run. Didn’t call. Didn’t leave a note taped to the fridge sayin’ you were done.”

You shrugged, leaning back a little. “Why would I? She’s a smart kid. Sharp. Just needs someone who doesn’t treat her like she’s stupid or fragile.”

Joel tilted his head at you, unreadable. “She usually eats nannies alive.”

“She tried,” you said with a smirk. “Came at me full sass by 3 p.m. I hit back harder.”

He let out a small grunt—maybe a laugh, maybe surprise. He took another sip of beer and looked toward the dark hallway like he still couldn’t believe Ellie hadn’t set something on fire.

“She was real quiet,” he said slowly. “When her mom left. Wouldn’t talk. Wouldn’t eat. Now she don’t shut up.”

“She talks a lot,” you agreed, smiling. “But she listens, too. If you speak her language.”

Joel leaned against the counter, arms folded. His voice softened a little, the tension loosening just enough to show through. “What, and you speak ‘ellie’ now?”

You shrugged. “I speak ‘chaos.’ Comes in handy with kids.”

For a few long seconds, he just looked at you. That quiet, heavy stare he had—like he was trying to see ten layers deeper than your skin.

Then, finally:

“You’re comin’ back tomorrow?”

You raised a brow. “Wasn’t planning on quitting. Unless you were gonna.”

A corner of his mouth twitched.

“No,” he said. “I think we’ll survive.”

You pushed up off the couch, grabbing your bag as you headed for the door. “Good. 'Cause she already asked if we could build a pillow fort after school.”

Joel walked you to the porch. The cicadas were still out. The street was still quiet.

You paused at the top step and turned back to him, eyes catching his in the porchlight.

“You’ve got a good kid,” you said.

He didn’t respond right away. Just nodded, slow. “She’s got a good shot now.”

And then you were gone.

But for the first time in a long time, Joel Miller didn’t feel like things were falling apart.

They might just be starting to fall into place.

The door swung open just as Ellie was kicking off her scuffed sneakers in the entryway, her backpack half-zipped and already sliding off her shoulder.

“Is she here yet?” she shouted toward the kitchen, her voice bouncing off the walls. “Dad! Is she here yet?”

Joel, standing at the stove with a dish towel over one shoulder, didn’t bother looking up. “Does it look like she’s here? Use your eyes, not your mouth.”

“But my mouth is faster!”

“Yeah, and that’s the problem.”

Ellie dropped her bag with a thud, already heading toward the front windows to check the driveway—just as your car pulled up.

“There!” she yelled, triumphant, sprinting back through the house like a tornado in fast-forward. “She’s here she’s here she’s here—!”

Joel had just turned down the burner on the skillet when the door opened, and you stepped in with the same relaxed confidence you carried like armor.

“Hey,” you greeted, a touch winded from dodging Ellie, who’d practically launched herself at you before you were through the door. “Did I miss the homecoming parade?”

“She’s been askin’ about you since the bell rang,” Joel said, nodding toward the hyper blur bouncing in your shadow. “Didn’t even want her snack. Which is how I know the apocalypse is near.”

“I saved my appetite,” Ellie declared proudly. “Dad made grilled cheese with bacon. He never makes grilled cheese with bacon.”

You raised a brow. “Is this a bribe, Miller?”

Joel shot you a look over his shoulder. “She’s been unbearable. Figure I earned the right to butter her up before I hand her over.”

“Smart,” you said, dropping your bag on the same hook as yesterday. “She’s got that post-school chaos energy. You should see what she did to the car ride playlist yesterday. Ruined Stevie Nicks forever.”

“I did not!” Ellie cried, whirling on you with wide, offended eyes.

“She put it on 1.25 speed,” you deadpanned. “Stevie Nicks sounded like a chipmunk with anxiety.”

Joel snorted, smothering the sound with a fake cough as he plated up the sandwiches. “You want one?” he asked you. “I made extra.”

You blinked, surprised. “You cook for the nanny now?”

“I cook for people who save me from losin’ my damn mind.”

You grinned. “Flattering.”

“I wasn’t tryin’ to be.”

You pulled out a chair at the table while Ellie dropped into hers, legs swinging under the seat. She was already talking a mile a minute about her day—some story about her science teacher and a broken Bunsen burner, a joke she told in front of the whole class, how everyone laughed (even the mean kids). She spoke with that spark in her voice again, the one Joel hadn’t heard in years. Not since before.

And you just listened. Asked questions. Teased her right back. Like it was easy. Natural.

Joel set the plate in front of you, still watching from the kitchen with a strange look in his eyes. Half guarded, half... something else.

“Thanks,” you said, catching his gaze briefly before biting into the sandwich. “Damn. This is actually good.”

He raised a brow. “You sound surprised.”

“I’m used to burnt toast and expired yogurts when I nanny for dads. This is, like, actual food.”

Joel just grunted and took his seat, digging in with a quiet shake of his head.

Ellie beamed between the two of you like she’d planned this entire lunch herself.

“So,” she said through a mouthful of bread and bacon, “after we eat, can we finish the pillow fort? I brought extra blankets from my room.”

“Only if we build defenses this time,” you warned, chewing thoughtfully. “Last night’s fort couldn’t have survived a sneeze.”

“That was a test run!”

Joel sighed, but he didn’t sound tired—more like resigned. A man accepting his fate. “You break anything, you fix it. That includes her,” he added, nodding toward Ellie.

“I’m unbreakable,” she declared proudly.

You caught Joel’s eye across the table.

“Yeah,” you said. “She is.”

And for a few quiet seconds, the three of you just sat there—sharing grilled cheese, half-smiles, and the smallest taste of something like peace.

The sun hadn’t even dipped below the horizon when Joel’s truck rumbled into the driveway, tires crunching over gravel. He was early—rare. The job site shut down sooner than expected, and Tommy had waved him off with a smirk that said, go home, see what you’ve been missing.

He stepped inside, boots already loosening, and heard it before he saw it.

Laughter.

Ellie’s, loud and unfiltered, practically vibrating through the walls. And yours, tangled with it, low and warm like the hum of a fire.

The house smelled like popcorn and something vaguely fruity—maybe bubblegum shampoo?—and as Joel rounded the corner into the living room, he paused.

Ellie was wrapped in a blanket on the floor, holding a flashlight under her chin like a horror movie cliché, while you crouched beside her, waving a sock puppet dramatically through the air.

“So then,” you were saying, voice low and ominous, “the terrifying Sockzilla sniffed the room and said... ‘someone forgot to flush.’”

Ellie howled with laughter, collapsing backward onto a pile of pillows, kicking her feet.

Joel leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, a slow smile creeping up without permission. You hadn’t noticed him yet. Neither of you had.

This wasn’t babysitting. Wasn’t even a job.

This was joy—something Ellie had stopped having for a long damn time.

“Sockzilla’s not wrong,” Joel said finally, his voice cutting through the laughter like gravel.

You looked up with a start, then grinned. “Hey. Didn’t hear you come in.”

“I noticed,” he said, stepping in. “Didn’t mean to interrupt the apocalypse.”

“You’re just jealous you missed chapter three: The Underwear Revolt.”

Ellie popped her head up from behind a pillow fort wall. “Dad, you’re early! Why?”

Joel shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal. “Got lucky. Figured I’d beat the dinner rush.”

“You did,” you said, brushing popcorn off your knees. “I was just about to order pizza.”

Joel hesitated. For a half-second. Like the question had been sitting in his chest for a while now.

“You hungry?” he asked. “If you don’t got plans, I mean.”

You raised a brow. “You inviting me to stay?”

He shrugged, all rough edges and nonchalance. “Be a shame to kick you out before dinner. 'Specially after all the... sock trauma.”

Ellie was already nodding. “Yes, stay. Please. We’ll get the stuffed crust and everything.”

You looked between the two of them—the wide-eyed kid and the guarded man who, despite himself, was starting to open the door a little wider every day.

“Alright,” you said, settling back into the cushions. “But only if I get to pick the movie.”

Joel gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Long as it ain’t animated.”

Ellie gasped. “You love animated movies. Don’t lie.”

“That was one time—”

“You cried during Wall-E!”

“Everyone cries during Wall-E,” Joel muttered.

You just laughed. “Good to know I’m in excellent company.”

Joel shook his head, but the smile on his face lingered longer than it used to. He disappeared into the kitchen to grab plates, muttering something about “stuffed crust being a scam,” and Ellie launched into a detailed argument in its defense.

The sound of the tap running low and steady filled the space between you. The kitchen light hummed overhead, casting a soft golden glow across the sink. Joel leaned against the counter nearby, drying a plate with a towel he clearly didn’t intend to use efficiently.

Ellie had crashed hard—half-asleep on your shoulder during the last twenty minutes of the movie, mumbling something about “marrying a pizza slice” before you carried her upstairs with Joel trailing close behind, just in case.

Now the house was quiet again. The good kind.

You scrubbed at a stubborn streak of marinara on a plate, and he watched—hands busy, mouth quieter than usual.

Then, finally, his voice broke the silence.

“You ever think about teachin’?”

You blinked. “Teaching?”

Joel shrugged, rolling the dish towel and tossing it onto the counter. “You’re good with kids. Natural at it. Like you got this... translator chip in your head that turns all their nonsense into actual words.”

You laughed, rinsing the plate. “Is that a compliment?”

“It’s a rare one,” he said, voice dry. “Don’t waste it.”

You set the dish in the rack. “Honestly? I never planned on working with kids. Didn’t grow up thinking I’d be a nanny, that’s for sure.”

He watched you, brows slightly lifted. “Then how?”

You paused, thinking about how to phrase it. Your voice came softer now. “I had a little brother. Just a few years younger than me. Our mom was... not around much. And our dad was even less.”

Joel’s face didn’t shift, but something in his eyes tightened—quiet understanding. Shared terrain.

“So it was just the two of us most days,” you continued. “I’d cook, help with homework, break up tantrums... eventually you figure out what works. What doesn't. You learn when to joke and when to just sit next to 'em and let the storm pass.”

“Still sounds like teachin’,” he said quietly.

You smiled faintly. “Maybe. But I don’t like classrooms. I like people. One-on-one. The mess of it.”

Joel nodded, slowly. He reached past you to set a mug in the drying rack, his arm brushing yours—barely there, but it lingered just long enough to be noticed.

You didn’t move away.

He cleared his throat, voice lower now. “That brother of yours... where’s he now?”

Your hands stilled for just a second under the warm water. Then you shook your head, barely.

“Gone. Car accident. Years ago.”

Joel didn’t say sorry. He didn’t need to.

Just stood a little closer, like he was there instead. Holding the silence steady for you.

You glanced up at him—caught his eyes. Tired, thoughtful, always heavier than they let on. And for a moment, you saw it again—that thing underneath all his quiet. The grief. The grit. The fierce way he clung to the pieces that were left.

“You lost someone, too?” you asked.

He didn’t answer right away. Just nodded. Once.

Then: “Yeah. My other girl. Long time ago.”

Something settled between you—unsaid, but understood. Like a door had opened without either of you realizing it.

You reached for another plate.

“So,” you said softly, “two experts in surviving chaos walk into a kitchen…”

Joel gave a tired huff. “Sounds like the start of a bad joke.”

You grinned. “Might be. But so far, the punchline’s not half-bad.”

The last dish clinked into the drying rack, and you wiped your damp hands on a kitchen towel. The quiet had deepened into something different now—later, slower. Crickets outside the window. The kind of stillness that makes you notice things. Like how close Joel was standing. How neither of you had moved to say goodbye yet.

You glanced at the clock on the stove. “I should probably get going. It’s late.”

Joel shifted, like he’d been waiting for you to say it but didn’t love hearing it. His gaze flicked toward the hallway upstairs, then back to you.

“I’ll drive you,” he said simply.

You gave him a look. “I’m fine to wait for a taxi.”

“It’s late,” he repeated, like that settled it. “And Tommy’s swingin’ by in ten. I already texted him—he can keep an eye on Ellie till I’m back.”

You tilted your head. “So you planned this, huh?”

Joel just gave a small shrug. “Figured you might not argue.”

You didn’t.

The truck was warm from the afternoon heat, even with the windows cracked. The road stretched out in front of you in slow-moving darkness, the kind that hummed in your bones. Joel kept one hand on the wheel, the other draped loosely over the top of it, knuckles relaxed, thumb idly tapping against the worn leather.

Neither of you talked for the first few minutes.

Not because there was nothing to say—more like everything was sitting close to the surface, waiting to be picked at.

“You know,” you said finally, staring out the windshield, “this is the part where you usually find a way to ask more questions. Get to know me more. The classic ‘drive home’ move.”

Joel’s mouth pulled into a faint smirk. “That so?”

You nodded. “Yep. It’s the oldest trick in the book.”

He glanced at you sideways. “And you think I’m pullin’ tricks?”

You shrugged. “I think you don’t do anything without a reason.”

He didn’t respond to that right away. Just tapped his fingers against the wheel again, thoughtful.

Then: “Alright. What’s the book say I should ask?”

You grinned. “Favorite color. Deep childhood trauma. Last show you binge-watched. That kind of thing.”

Joel huffed under his breath. “Let’s skip the color.”

“Too intimate?”

He shot you a look. “You’re pushy.”

“And you’re avoiding.”

His smirk deepened, but he didn’t argue.

A beat passed. Then another.

“You really love her, don’t you?” he asked quietly, eyes still on the road.

You blinked. “Ellie?”

Joel nodded.

“Yeah,” you said. “She’s a good kid. Even when she’s being a pain in the ass.”

“She loves you, too. A lot.” His voice was soft now. Honest. “Didn’t think I’d see that again.”

You glanced over at him—at the weight behind that simple statement. He wasn’t just talking about Ellie.

“She needed someone,” you said. “Not a babysitter. Not a therapist.”

He didn’t say anything for a while. Just drove, the silence stretching and tightening like thread.

Then, as he pulled up in front of your place, he threw the truck in park but didn’t kill the engine.

You unbuckled your seatbelt, but didn’t move to open the door yet.

“Thanks for the ride,” you said.

“Yeah.” He looked at you for a second longer than he should’ve.

Then, low, a little hesitant: “You wantin’ to do dinner again sometime? When it’s not about Ellie?”

You paused, a beat of surprise flickering across your face.

He rubbed his thumb along the leather wheel, suddenly more focused on it than anything else. “Just figured... you already know where I live.”

You smiled. “Are you asking me out, Joel Miller?”

“Not if you’re gonna say no.”

You laughed under your breath. “I’ll think about it.”

Joel looked at you then—really looked. Quiet, steady, like he was filing away every part of your expression.

“I can wait.”

You opened the door, stepping out into the warm night air. But before you shut it, you leaned down again, one hand on the frame.

“Same time tomorrow?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Same time.”

You closed the door gently and walked up the path to your front door without looking back.

But Joel stayed parked for another minute longer than he had to.

Just in case you did.

You were halfway through a lazy Tuesday—hair still damp from a late shower, curled up on the couch with a book you’d been trying to finish for months—when your phone buzzed.

[Joel Miller: You free today?]

Three dots hovered. Disappeared. Hovered again.

Then:

[Joel Miller: I know I said take the week, but this kid’s gonna make me lose my fuckin’ mind.]

You grinned, already picturing him rubbing a hand down his face, sitting at the edge of the couch while Ellie bounced off the walls behind him like a Red Bull-fueled goblin.

Another message popped up:

[Joel Miller: I’ll pay you, obviously. Just for a few hours. I owe you double if you get her to eat something green.]

You laughed and quickly typed back:

YouHow desperate are we talking?

[Joel Miller: She built a catapult in the backyard. From my rake, a lawn chair, and duct tape. I think she’s trying to launch the neighbor’s dog.]

A beat passed. Then:

[Joel Miller: Please.]

You shook your head, already grabbing your bag.

When you pulled up, the front door was wide open, and Joel was standing just inside it, looking like he hadn’t slept in a week.

“Hey,” you called as you walked up the porch. “Still got all your limbs?”

He stepped aside to let you in, exhaling like someone who’d just been handed a lifeline. “Barely. I had to confiscate a slingshot made outta a bra and a curtain rod.”

You smirked. “Ellie’s going through her ‘evil genius’ phase. It’s healthy.”

“Healthy for who?”

Then, from upstairs: “Is that her?! Did you bring snacks?! I’m starving and Dad tried to feed me something called ‘quinoa’!”

Joel pinched the bridge of his nose. “That was a salad, for the record.”

“I’m suing!”

You covered your mouth to hide a laugh. “You really thought you didn’t need me for a whole week?”

Joel gave you a long, dry look. “I was cocky.”

You tossed your bag on the usual hook. “You were delusional.”

Ellie came thundering down the stairs, socked feet sliding on the hardwood as she nearly collided with the bannister. She saw you and lit up like a goddamn firework.

“THANK GOD. I’ve been stuck with the grumpiest man on earth for three days.”

“I heard that,” Joel muttered.

She ignored him, grabbing your hand like she hadn’t seen you in a month. “We have so much to catch up on. Did you see the finale of the space show? I cried for like an hour. Also I have a new joke. Also I drew something that looks exactlylike Joel if he were a potato.”

You raised a brow. “Sounds like we’ve got a full schedule.”

Joel watched the two of you move toward the couch like you’d never left, like this was just another day in your rhythm. You and Ellie falling into step, heads bent together, conspiratorial and effortless.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “You sure you don’t mind?”

You looked back at him over your shoulder.

“I do mind. But I like the paycheck. And the chaos.”

Joel’s lips twitched. “I’ll make you dinner again.”

“Deal,” you said without missing a beat.

And just like that, you were back—right where you were supposed to be.

The kitchen lights were dimmed low, just the warm underglow from the stove left on. You sat on one of the bar stools, elbows resting on the counter, a half-empty glass of water in front of you while Joel rinsed off the cutting board.

Ellie was upstairs with her headphones in, supposedly working on some drawing, but judging by how quiet it had gotten, you were 90% sure she’d passed out halfway through.

Joel reached for a towel and dried his hands slowly, glancing over at you.

“You always this patient with kids?” he asked, voice low and a little rough from the day.

You leaned your chin in your hand. “Only the weird ones.”

A smirk ghosted across his face. “So... all of ‘em?”

You shrugged, smiling. “Weird kids are the best kind. Smart enough to keep you on your toes. Emotional enough to make you question your sanity.”

Joel nodded, leaning his weight into the counter across from you, arms folded. “You ever get tired of it? Having to be the grown-up?”

You looked at him for a beat, something unreadable in your expression. Then:

“Sure. But then I hang out with Ellie and realize being a grown-up just means knowing when to pick your battles... and when to steal the last slice of pizza before a kid does.”

Joel gave a soft chuckle under his breath. He didn’t laugh often—not fully—but he was doing it more around you. You noticed. He knew you noticed.

“You took the last slice,” he said.

You raised an innocent brow. “I earned the last slice.”

“Could’ve split it.”

“That’s not how survival works, Miller.”

He looked at you then—really looked. Leaned just a little closer, elbows on the counter now, eyes darker in the low light.

“You always this mouthy after dinner?” he asked, a thread of something unmistakably flirtatious winding through the words.

You didn’t break eye contact. “You always this charming when you’re not pretending to be grumpy?”

His smirk deepened—but just slightly. Like he didn’t want to give too much away, not all at once.

“I’m not pretendin’.”

“Mm.” You took a slow sip from your glass. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Joel watched you for a moment longer, like he was weighing something behind his eyes. Something quiet and careful. You could feel it in the space between you, close but not crossing—yet.

“You got a ride home tonight?” he asked suddenly, casual but not really.

You gave him a slow smile. “Nope.”

“Good,” he said, pushing off the counter. “I don’t mind driving you.”

“I figured,” you said, your voice lighter now, teasing. “Since you texted me please earlier today.”

Joel paused mid-step, turning back with a dry laugh. “I was desperate.”

“You were cute.”

He shot you a look. “Don’t push it.”

You stood, grabbing your bag off the hook by the door. “No promises.”

As you stepped out into the night together, the space between you was quiet—but it buzzed with something new now. Something unspoken. And as Joel opened the truck door for you without saying a word, your fingers brushed his.

Neither of you pulled away.

The truck rumbled low beneath you as the tires rolled over the quiet neighborhood roads, streetlights blinking by in amber streaks. The windows were down just enough to let the night breeze in—soft and warm, thick with the smell of cut grass and sunburned pavement.

Joel’s left hand sat loose on the wheel, fingers tapping faintly to the beat of whatever old country song murmured low from the radio. His right hand rested near the gear shift, relaxed, steady.

You watched him from the passenger seat for a long moment, then turned back to the windshield.

“Can I ask you something?” you said, voice quieter than before. Less teasing. More... curious.

Joel didn’t look at you, but you saw the way his jaw tensed slightly. “You just did.”

You huffed. “Smartass.”

That earned you the faintest smirk.

A few more seconds passed before you asked it.

“Have you ever… tried to date anyone? Since Ellie, I mean.”

The question landed soft, but heavy. Not invasive. Just honest.

Joel didn’t answer right away. His hand flexed once on the wheel. Then he exhaled slow, eyes on the road ahead.

“Yeah,” he said finally. “A couple times.”

You didn’t rush him. Just waited.

“They didn’t stick,” he added, a little tighter now. “One of ‘em didn’t want a kid around. The other tried too hard to act like Ellie’s mom.”

You nodded slowly. “And Ellie?”

Joel’s eyes flicked to you, then back to the road. “She didn’t like ‘em. She never said it outright, but I could tell.”

You tilted your head. “How?”

“She got quiet. Moody. Didn’t talk to me for a few days after I had someone over once.” He gave a small, humorless laugh. “Think that was her way of votin’ someone off the island.”

You smiled faintly. “Smart kid.”

“Too smart,” Joel muttered, shaking his head. “She doesn’t trust easy. Doesn’t let people in quick. And when she does…”

He trailed off, his voice dropping quieter.

“When she does, she holds on tight. Doesn’t like change.”

You looked out the window, the dark sliding past like water. Then you spoke, soft but certain.

“She wouldn’t push me out.”

Joel’s hand paused mid-tap on the wheel.

You didn’t look at him. “I’m not trying to be her mom. I’m not trying to be anything, really. Except someone who actually sees her.”

Silence stretched between you—charged, thick, but not uncomfortable.

Then Joel said, “She does see you. More than you know.”

You turned your head. This time you caught him looking. Just a glance—but it lingered. A little too long.

“I think that’s what scares me,” he said.

You let that sit for a moment. Then, gently:

“You ever wonder if maybe... it doesn’t have to?”

Joel pulled into your driveway slowly, headlights washing over the front steps. The truck idled in the quiet, engine ticking softly.

He didn’t speak. Not yet.

Just sat there, fingers resting still on the wheel, like he was turning something over and over in his mind. Something fragile. Something real.

Then, low:

“Yeah. I wonder.”

Your hand brushed the door handle.

You didn’t move to open it yet.

Neither did he.

You watched him in the quiet.

His profile in the half-light—worn, strong, tired in the way only someone who’s carried too much can be. That little line between his brows when he was thinking too hard. The way his fingers stayed resting on the wheel like he hadn’t decided if he wanted to drive off yet—or stay.

Your mouth opened. Then closed.

Don’t say it, you told yourself.

You reached for the door handle, your voice low and a little softer than it had been in the truck all night.

“Thanks for the ride.”

Joel glanced over, eyes steady, unreadable. “Yeah. ‘Course.”

You hesitated a beat longer. Let the silence hold its breath.

Then you added, quieter—almost a whisper, but not timid.

“Before I say anything stupid.”

Joel’s gaze sharpened just a little. But he didn’t push. Didn’t ask. Just let you have your exit, same way he always did when you needed space.

You pushed the door open and stepped out, the warm night brushing your skin like a second thought. You didn’t look back, but you felt his eyes on you as you walked up the steps.

You reached the door, paused with your key in hand.

Then—just before you went inside—you turned back.

Joel was still sitting there in the truck. Still watching. Not driving off. Not letting go.

Then you slipped inside, the door clicking shut behind you, leaving the night quiet and the truck idling in your driveway—engine low, heart loud.

The bar wasn’t crowded, but it was loud enough to blur out the week behind you. Low music, dim lighting, the smell of cheap whiskey and warm bodies pressed too close to tables too small.

You were at the corner of the bar with a half-empty glass in front of you, one leg crossed over the other, the slow curve of a smile on your lips from some half-drunk joke your friend had just told. You weren’t really buzzed yet—but you were warm. Comfortable. Not thinking about work or tantrums or bedtime routines.

Which is exactly why the last voice you expected to hear behind you was his.

“Well, look at that,” Joel murmured, slow drawl just low enough to scrape across your skin. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

You turned, a flicker of something sharp and amused flashing through your eyes.

Joel stood there, casual as ever—but different. Not in a T-shirt stained with oil or dirt from the backyard. Not with a dish towel over his shoulder. No, tonight he was clean-shaven, sleeves rolled up, one hand tucked in his jeans pocket and the other resting on the edge of the bar.

Beside him was Tommy, already halfway through a beer, offering you a crooked, familiar grin.

“Hey,” he said. “Didn’t mean to crash the party.”

You shook your head slowly, eyes still on Joel. “Not crashing. Just unexpected.”

Joel raised a brow. “That good or bad?”

You leaned on your elbow, smirking faintly. “Guess I’ll let you know.”

Tommy snorted into his bottle and stepped away to give someone else a hug across the bar—leaving you and Joel standing just a little too close in the noise.

You tilted your head. “Where’s Ellie?”

“With Maria,” Joel said, sliding onto the stool beside you. “They’re doin’ some kind of sleepover thing. Face masks. Painted nails. That whole routine.”

You laughed. “Bet you’re relieved.”

Joel took a slow sip from the beer the bartender slid in front of him. “I am. She tried to paint my nails last weekend.”

“Should’ve let her.”

He looked at you then, over the rim of his glass, the corner of his mouth pulling up. “She said I’d look good in lavender.”

Your eyes narrowed just slightly, lips curling. “She’s not wrong.”

The music thumped low behind you, the chatter of the bar a comfortable hum around the edges. For a few seconds, it was quiet between you. Then:

“You look different,” he said.

You arched a brow. “Different how?”

Joel’s gaze dipped—just for a second. Over your bare shoulders. The dress you wouldn’t wear around Ellie. The slow confidence in your posture. The way you weren’t his nanny tonight.

“Just... different,” he said. Voice rough. Honest.

You leaned a little closer. “And you showed up to a bar instead of passing out in front of the TV with a beer and ESPN reruns. That’s new for a father.”

Joel chuckled, low. “Maria told us we needed a night out. She basically pushed us out the door.”

“Remind me to thank her.”

He looked at you again, longer this time. Like he was seeing the version of you that wasn’t just Ellie’s babysitter. Not just the calm in the storm.

The silence stretched—slow, charged.

You lifted your glass. “So what happens now? Do we pretend we don’t know each other that well, or do you ask me to dance and surprise the hell out of me?”

Joel didn’t smile—but he didn’t look away either.

“I don’t dance,” he said quietly.

You smirked. “Didn’t think you did.”

“But,” he added, tipping his beer toward yours, “I can buy you another drink.”

Your glasses clinked, quiet and deliberate.

And just like that, the rules shifted.

Tonight, you weren’t working.

The night was warm even inside the bar, and the music had shifted—something slow with a little twang, something with a beat that settled in your chest. You took another sip of your drink, then turned your body toward Joel, your legs crossed in his direction.

He was still watching the room like he didn’t quite trust it. Or like he was looking for an excuse to bolt before he said something he couldn’t take back.

So you leaned in closer, voice just loud enough to cut through the low thrum of the music.

“I think you’re lying.”

Joel’s eyes flicked to you, confused. “About what?”

“You do dance,” you said, grinning now. “You’re just too proud to admit it.”

He let out a small scoff. “I don’t.”

“You do,” you said, already sliding off the barstool. You held your hand out to him. “C’mon. It’s not a wedding. It’s not even a good song. Nobody’s watching.”

“I’m watchin’,” he muttered.

“Great,” you said, tugging him lightly. “Then you’ll have a front-row seat when I show everyone your two-step.”

Joel gave you that look—that tired, half-exasperated, half-amused look he usually reserved for Ellie when she roped him into something absurd.

But your hand was still out.

And his eyes lingered on it.

A beat passed.

Then he muttered something under his breath about peer pressure and stood, downing the last of his beer before sliding his hand into yours.

“Don’t expect twirls,” he warned.

“No promises,” you said, and led him out to the floor.

The bar wasn’t crowded, just a few couples swaying, the occasional off-beat shuffle. Nothing fancy. No one watching. Just you and Joel, the slow drawl of the guitar wrapping around the room.

He moved like he hadn’t done this in a long time—stiff at first, cautious—but his hand was steady at your waist, and the way he looked at you? Like there was no one else in the damn building.

You grinned up at him. “See? Not so bad.”

“Feels like middle school,” he muttered.

“I wouldn’t have danced with you in middle school,” you teased. “You would’ve been the kid standing against the wall with your arms crossed.”

He smirked. “I was that kid.”

“Exactly,” you said. “And now look at you. Livin’ the dream.”

The music played on, something slow and easy, and after a while his hand settled more naturally at your hip. You didn’t talk much. You didn’t need to.

Your chest nearly brushed his with every movement. Your fingers laced lightly with his. You felt his thumb draw the smallest circle over your side once. Just once. Like he didn’t mean to. Like maybe he did.

When the song ended, you didn’t move away right away. Neither did he.

You looked up at him, your voice softer now. “Told you I’d surprise you.”

Joel met your eyes—and for a moment, he didn’t say a damn thing.

Then, low:

“You always do.”

You left the dance floor still warm from the touch of his hand.

Joel trailed behind you, his fingers brushing the small of your back once before falling away. You made your way to the bar, ordered another drink—something colder this time, easier—and turned toward the front doors without a word.

He followed.

Outside, the air had dropped a few degrees. Still warm, but edged with something cooler. The kind of summer night that hinted at fall creeping closer. The street was quiet except for the neon bar sign buzzing above, and the distant hum of tires down the road.

You leaned against the brick wall just outside the door, drink in hand, eyes on the night sky. Joel came to a stop beside you, arms crossed loosely, his shoulder not quite touching yours.

“You do that often?” he asked after a few seconds.

You turned your head. “What?”

“Dance with strange men in bars.”

You smirked. “You’re not a stranger.”

He looked away, toward the parking lot. “Still.”

You took a slow sip of your drink, letting the quiet sit there for a moment.

“I don’t,” you said honestly. “It’s not really my thing.”

Joel glanced at you, something unreadable flickering in his eyes. “But you did tonight.”

“Yeah,” you said. “I did.”

His gaze didn’t leave yours this time.

“Why?”

You didn’t look away. Not now.

“Because you looked like you needed someone to pull you out of your own damn head.”

Joel huffed under his breath. “Not the first time I’ve heard that.”

“Won’t be the last,” you said, softer now.

Another pause. He shifted his weight, arms still folded, but his stance had softened. Less closed off.

You tilted your head slightly. “You ever think about what’s next?”

Joel looked over at you. “For what?”

“For you,” you said. “Ellie’s not a baby. She’s got school, friends. One day she won’t need a sitter.”

He gave a low grunt. “She’ll always need someone.”

“She has someone,” you said gently. “She has you. But you? I’m not sure you let yourself need anyone.”

His jaw worked at that, like the words caught somewhere between his chest and throat. “Don’t think I got the luxury of needin’ much.”

You stared at him for a beat.

Then, voice quiet but firm: “You do.”

He turned his head toward you, slow. His eyes found yours again, darker now, more focused.

The silence between you was loud. Louder than the bar, louder than the music. And when he spoke again, his voice was low, rough:

“You scare the shit outta me, y’know that?”

You blinked. “Because I speak the truth?”

He shook his head slightly. “Because I don’t know what the hell to do with it.”

Your hand slid down the side of your drink, the condensation damp on your skin. You looked at him—really looked.

“I’m not askin’ you to do anything,” you said. “I just... want you to stop pretending like this is nothing.”

Joel didn’t respond. Not with words.

But he looked at you like he’d been holding his breath for weeks. And maybe now, for the first time, he finally let a little bit of it go.

Joel still hadn’t looked away.

That silence between you had sharpened—not awkward, not empty, just full. Too full. The kind that vibrated between two people standing a little too close, not touching but thinking about it, both of them feeling the heat and pretending it wasn’t there.

You exhaled slowly and set your drink on the little ledge behind you. The words sat heavy on your tongue, but they came out smooth, low, like you’d been holding them in your mouth for days.

“But...” you started, and Joel’s eyes flicked up from your mouth to your eyes in an instant. Alert. Waiting.

“If I could ask you to do something…” You let the space between each word linger.

His jaw tensed.

You tilted your head just slightly. Your voice dropped to barely more than a whisper.

“…it’d be to kiss me.”

The moment cracked wide open.

Joel didn’t speak. Didn’t ask if you were sure. Didn't smirk or joke to cover it.

He just moved.

A slow step forward—then another. And then his hand was at your jaw, calloused thumb brushing the side of your face with aching care. His other hand came to rest at your hip, grounding you like he thought you might vanish.

Your breath caught—but you didn’t pull away.

“Don’t start somethin’ you can’t finish,” he said, voice rough, eyes searching yours like this was some kind of line he couldn’t uncross.

You whispered back, steady and certain:

“Then finish it.”

Joel didn’t hesitate after that.

He kissed you like he’d wanted to for weeks—slow, deliberate, no rush, no panic. Just the weight of it. The truth of it. His mouth warm, the scrape of his stubble against your skin, his body pulling just slightly closer like he couldn’t help it anymore.

And when he finally pulled back, just enough to breathe, his forehead rested against yours. His hand didn’t leave your waist.

Neither of you spoke.

Because whatever this was—it wasn’t nothing.

And now, neither of you were pretending otherwise.

His forehead still rested against yours.

His thumb brushed your jaw, slow and warm.

And your heart? Your heart was making a damn scene in your chest.

You cleared your throat softly. “So... I guess that’s a yes, huh?”

Joel pulled back just enough to meet your eyes again—close, still too close—and gave the smallest smirk. “You asked.”

You nodded. “Right. Yeah. Technically. I’m very persuasive. It’s a gift.”

He raised an eyebrow, silent.

You tried to hold his gaze. Really, you did.

But your brain was suddenly short-circuiting, and before you could stop yourself, you were rambling—

“I mean, it’s good that you finally kissed me. I was worried I’d have to start making PowerPoints. Slide one: reasons Joel Miller is scared of his own feelings.”

He huffed a laugh. “You done?”

“Nope,” you said, suddenly aware your hands were still resting on his chest. “I’ve got a whole bit about emotional repression and denim.”

Joel blinked, caught halfway between a groan and a grin. “Jesus.”

“It’s not mean,” you insisted, your smile crooked and too wide now. “It’s... lovingly observational.”

Joel stepped in again, closer—too close—and the way he looked at you then, it shut your mouth right up.

“You always talk this much when you're nervous?”

You blinked.

“I’m not—” You stopped. Glanced away. “Okay, maybe a little.”

Joel tilted his head. “That’s cute.”

You raised a brow, mock-offended. “Cute? Don’t patronize me. I’m dangerously charming. Irresistible, even.”

He leaned in, his voice barely brushing the shell of your ear. “You’re somethin’, alright.”

Your breath hitched.

He pulled back, looking way too pleased with himself now.

“Shut up,” you muttered, trying to hide your grin as you stepped away, just enough to breathe again.

Joel smirked. “Didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah, well, stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m yours already.”

He didn’t answer. Just looked at you—quiet, steady.

And didn’t deny it.

Joel lingered by the bar long enough to finish his drink and pretend like he hadn’t just kissed you outside like it was something he’d been aching for. Which, well—he had.

Tommy leaned an elbow on the counter beside him, grinning like a man who knew something.

“You look like you just saw God,” he said.

Joel didn’t look over. “You drunk?”

“Not drunk enough to miss the fact that you disappeared for fifteen minutes and came back lookin’ like someone pressed ‘reset’ on your mood.”

Joel sighed into his glass. “Drop it.”

Tommy leaned in, low and smug. “You finally kissed her, huh?”

Joel shot him a glare. “Don’t.”

“Didn’t deny it,” Tommy sing-songed under his breath, grabbing his coat off the back of a chair. “Go ahead. Drive her home. I’ll pick up Ellie in the morning. Maria’s probably already got her tucked in with a facemask and a mug of hot cocoa.”

Joel stared at him. “You're enjoying this way too much.”

Tommy patted his shoulder as he passed. “Yeah. I am.”

The ride to your place was quieter this time—but not the awkward kind. It was weighted. Full of those glances that lasted a little too long. That barely-there smile at the corner of Joel’s mouth whenever you said something under your breath just to fill the air.

He parked outside your place, engine idling low.

You didn’t move right away.

You looked at him. “Wanna come in?”

He hesitated—just for a moment. His fingers drummed against the steering wheel once.

Then he turned off the ignition.

Your place was small—modest, lived-in. It smelled like coffee and linen and something faintly sweet, like citrus. There were books stacked in odd places. A few records on a shelf. One lamp in the corner of the living room casting soft amber light over everything.

Joel stepped in slowly, his boots quiet on the worn rug.

You kicked your shoes off by the door and shrugged off your jacket, voice easy. “It’s not much, but the roof doesn’t leak and the heat works, so I’m basically royalty.”

Joel gave a quiet chuckle, eyes roaming the room. “It’s nice.”

“You want water? Tea? Whiskey that tastes like regret?”

“Whiskey,” he said without missing a beat.

You poured two glasses—no ice, no hesitation—and handed him one. Your fingers brushed his again. This time, neither of you played it off.

You both sat down on the couch, a little too close, knees nearly brushing.

He looked around once more. “This feels like you.”

You tilted your head. “What does that mean?”

“Comfortable,” he said. “Warm. Kinda messy in a good way.”

You smirked. “So I’m a throw blanket with trust issues.”

Joel’s grin was subtle, but it stayed. He sipped the whiskey. “Maybe.”

For a long moment, you just sat like that. Close. Easy. Quiet.

Then you looked over at him, eyes a little softer.

“You could’ve said no, you know. To coming in.”

Joel met your gaze. Steady.

“I didn’t want to.”

Your place had gone quiet.

The whiskey sat mostly untouched now, the glasses forgotten on the coffee table. You were curled sideways on the couch, one leg tucked under you, facing him. Joel hadn’t moved much, but you could feel the shift—the way his attention had settled entirely on you, like the rest of the world had faded into background noise.

He hadn’t said anything in a while.

He didn’t need to.

Your voice came out soft, somewhere between playful and a whisper.

“You’re thinking too hard.”

Joel looked up, eyes catching yours. “No, I’m not.”

“Liar,” you said, smiling.

“I’m thinkin’ about how easy this feels,” he murmured. “And how that probably means it’s a bad idea.”

Your smile faded into something softer. “Feels easy because it is. Doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

He watched you for a beat—longer than he should’ve. The quiet between you changed again. Tighter. Warmer.

Then Joel said, low, like it was pulling itself out of his chest:

“C’mere.”

He didn’t reach for you first. Just waited.

So you moved.

Slowly, like a tide pushing forward—your legs uncrossing, your hand finding his shoulder for balance as you leaned into him, heart loud but steady.

And this time, when you kissed him, it was different.

No nervous laughter. No questions hanging in the air.

Just mouths meeting like they’d been circling the same answer for weeks.

Joel’s hand found the side of your face, rough and careful, the way someone might hold something precious without knowing how. His other slid around your waist, pulling you closer until your knees brushed his thigh and your chest pressed to his. You felt the low rumble in his throat when you deepened the kiss—part surprise, part surrender.

You shifted in his lap slightly, one hand finding the back of his neck, the other pressing against his chest, steadying yourself against the solid weight of him.

Joel kissed you like he’d forgotten how not to want you.

When he finally pulled back, it was only by a few inches—his breath warm on your lips, his hand still cradling the back of your neck like letting go wasn’t an option anymore.

You stayed like that, foreheads brushing, breaths mingling.

You whispered, “Told you you’d like lavender.”

Joel laughed under his breath—barely—but the sound was rougher now, lower.

And he kissed you again.

Slower.

Deeper.

Just want. And the start of something neither of you were going to keep pretending wasn’t there anymore.

The second kiss wasn’t shy.

Joel leaned in like he couldn’t wait anymore—like holding back had become unbearable. His hand slipped behind your neck, pulling you into him as his mouth met yours again, this time with no careful edges, no guarded tension.

Just need.

The taste of whiskey still lingered faint on his tongue, but it was overrun by something deeper—something that hummed in your chest when his mouth moved with yours, slow and sure. You let yourself melt into it, your fingers curling into the collar of his shirt, your knees brushing his thigh as you leaned in, chasing the warmth of him.

This wasn’t the kind of kiss that lived in hesitation. It was heat and breath and silence breaking open between you. His hand slid to your waist again, tugging you just a little closer, grounding himself in the feel of your body against his. You felt it in every inch of contact—how long he’d been holding this in.

You made a soft sound against his mouth without meaning to, and that was it—that was the moment something in him shifted.

Joel deepened the kiss, one hand tightening at your hip, the other threading into your hair as he tilted his head, breath catching as you moved with him. He kissed like a man who didn't get chances like this often—and wasn’t about to waste one now.

You pulled back only when the breathless ache hit your lungs, but even then, you didn’t move far. Your lips hovered over his, your forehead resting lightly against his.

“Joel,” you whispered, and his name in your voice sounded more like please than anything else.

His thumb brushed the corner of your mouth, like he could still feel the kiss there.

“You alright?” he murmured.

You smiled, flushed and bright-eyed, trying to keep your voice steady. “Yeah. Just… checking reality still exists.”

Joel huffed, his voice low and worn. “Still here.”

You touched your fingers to the collar of his shirt, idly brushing the fabric. “That felt like something we don’t walk away from.”

His hand stayed at your waist, thumb moving slow against your side. “I wasn’t plannin’ on goin’ anywhere.”

And without a word, you leaned in and kissed him again—slower this time, less desperate. Like it was yours now.

Like he was.

And this time?

He didn’t stop.

You were still pressed close, bodies tangled on the couch in the low light of your living room, mouths only barely apart. Joel hadn’t let go of your waist—his thumb still stroking slow circles against your side like he couldn’t stop touching you even if he tried.

And you, trying to find somewhere to put all that heat swelling in your chest, fell back on instinct: the joke. Your voice came out soft, a little breathless, still smiling. “Y’know, I think this means I’m officially sleeping with my boss.”

Joel’s breath hitched—just the smallest pause in his exhale—and you watched his face shift, something flickering behind his eyes.

Then he huffed a laugh, low and rough.

“Is that what this is?” he murmured, voice thick.

You grinned. “Well, technically, you hired me.”

He leaned in again, forehead almost brushing yours.

“And technically,” he said, tilting his head just slightly, “you’re not on the clock.”

“Mm.” You smirked, heart hammering. “Guess this is off-the-record intimacy, then.”

Joel made a sound in his throat—something between a laugh and a groan—and then?

He kissed you again.

Deeper this time. More sure. More greedy.

Like that dumb joke had snapped the last thread holding back the part of him that just wanted. His mouth met yours with no hesitation now, open and warm and intentional, and he kissed you like he couldn’t help it—like you being smart-mouthed and flushed and half-laughing under him was the most irresistible thing in the goddamn world.

You gasped softly against his lips, and he took that sound like an invitation, kissing you harder, one hand in your hair, the other guiding you closer until your body was all but in his lap. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling yourself in like the space between you had never existed at all.

He finally pulled back, just an inch, chest rising slow, his forehead against yours again.

“You keep talkin’ like that,” he rasped, “I’m not gonna stop.”

You smiled against his mouth, barely whispering, “That a threat or a promise?”

His mouth twitched.

And then he kissed you again.

Because of course he did.

He liked the way you teased him. Liked the way you said the wrong thing at the perfect time. Liked the way you didn’t try to make it smaller or simpler than it was.

And you?

You kissed him back like maybe, just maybe, you’d found someone who wanted all of you—bad jokes and all.

Your bodies moved through the small apartment like you’d been here a hundred times together, even though this was the first. Every touch was new and familiar all at once—slow kisses deepening with every breath, fingers finding skin like instinct.

Joel’s jacket hit the floor. Then yours.

He kissed you against the wall, hands bracing beside your head, your mouth parted under his as you laughed softly into it—nervous, breathless.

“Just so you know,” you murmured against his jaw, “I’m probably not some mind-blowing sex goddess. I mean, I could be, but there’s been very little peer review.”

Joel chuckled—low and warm, like gravel in his chest—and nipped gently at the corner of your mouth. “That right?”

You nodded, hands slipping under the hem of his shirt. “You, on the other hand, probably have war stories. Scars. Like... some kind of outlaw legend of Texas orgasms.”

That pulled a real laugh out of him. One that shook in his chest before he buried it against your neck.

Then he pulled back just enough to look at you, his voice rough, low, eyes darker than you’d ever seen them.

“Sweetheart,” he said, hands now at the hem of your shirt, sliding it up with slow, sure fingers, “you’re lucky if I last two seconds with you.”

Your breath caught, surprised—but your grin stayed.

He continued, words a little quieter now. Honest. Unapologetic.

“Truth is, I haven’t... gone this far with someone in a long time. Never let it get here. Not since Ellie came into the picture.”

Your voice softened. “Because of her?”

Joel nodded. “Because she didn’t like any of ‘em. Could feel it. Even when she didn’t say it. Also you can’t fuck someone in a house where a seven-year-old could walk in and ask why there's groaning on the couch.”

You snorted. “The ultimate mood killer.”

“Damn right,” he muttered, then leaned in, kissing you again—deeper this time, more urgent.

Your shirt came off. His followed.

Skin on skin now.

His hands were rough and reverent, moving slow over your sides like he was trying to memorize you. His lips trailed down your neck, his voice breaking a little as he added:

“Never gave myself the space to want like this. Not really.”

You stilled slightly, just for a breath. Your hands at his belt now, fingers fumbling—not from lack of skill but from wanting too much at once.

You looked up at him, eyes soft but steady.

“Then take it,” you whispered. “We’ve got time.”

Joel exhaled, voice low and tight.

“Yeah,” he said. “But I might still embarrass myself.”

You grinned, pulling him back down to your mouth. “It’s okay. I’ll write a glowing review anyway.”

He laughed against your lips.

And then there were no more jokes for a while—just heat, hands, and the sound of something breaking open between two people who had waited too long to let themselves want like this.

Joel’s mouth was on you again, breath hot against your neck as he backed you toward the bedroom—each step slow but heavy, weighted with the kind of want that’s been building too long to be gentle.

You were already bare from the waist up, his palms dragging over your skin like he needed to feel every inch or he’d lose his mind. The door clicked shut behind you, but neither of you stopped.

You tugged at his belt, breath ragged, but he caught your wrist before you could finish. Not to stop you—just to slow it.

“Not yet,” he said, voice hoarse.

Then he dropped to his knees in front of you.

Your back hit the bedroom wall as he pressed his mouth against your stomach, kissing lower—messy, open-mouthed, no restraint left. His hands gripped your hips, fingers digging into your skin, thumbs sliding under the waistband of your underwear, pulling it down slow.

“You’re shaking,” he murmured against your skin.

“Yeah,” you breathed.

He looked up once, eyes dark and focused. “Hold onto me.”

You barely had time to respond—his mouth was already on you.

Hot, open, hungry.

His tongue slid between your folds without hesitation, slow at first—like he was learning you by taste alone—then deeper, rougher, wet sounds filling the room as he buried his mouth between your thighs.

You cried out, one hand flying to his hair, gripping hard. Joel groaned at that—deep, from his chest—and pressed in harder, like your reaction lit something inside him he hadn’t felt in years.

His tongue circled your clit, lips sucking just enough to make your thighs tremble, then flattened against it in long, firm strokes. He devoured you like a man starving, like he didn’t give a fuck about finesse—just making you come.

And then his fingers joined in.

Two—thick, rough, his—sliding into you with a practiced curl, pressing right into that spot that made your back arch off the wall.

“F-fuck, Joel—”

“Yeah,” he growled, voice muffled by your skin. “That’s it. Give it to me, baby.”

You whimpered, hips rocking against his mouth, your hand still tangled in his hair as he fucked you with his fingers—fast, deep—his tongue never letting up on your clit, his other hand pinning your hip so you couldn’t escape.

Not that you wanted to.

You felt your body tightening too fast—an ache that had been simmering for weeks boiling over all at once, and he felt it. Pulled you tighter against his mouth, groaned again when you gasped his name.

“Come on,” he growled, lips slick.

You shattered.

It ripped through you hard and fast, hips jerking against his mouth, your whole body seizing around his fingers, pulse thundering in your ears. Joel held you through it—never easing up, never looking away. Just taking it.

And when you finally slumped forward, gasping, he pulled back slowly, fingers still inside you, watching your body twitch around them.

“You okay?” he rasped, mouth wet, voice rougher than you’d ever heard it.

You stared down at him, fucked-out and trembling, then managed a breathless smile.

“You... really weren’t kidding about the two seconds thing, huh?”

He grinned, slow and dangerous.

“Didn’t even fuckin’ start yet.”

And then he stood—tall, hard, eyes burning—and started undoing his belt.

Joel's pants hit the floor with a heavy thud, his hands already back on you—gripping your thighs, lifting you effortlessly, guiding you backward until your knees hit the edge of the bed. You dropped onto the mattress, legs open, body still pulsing from the aftershocks of his mouth and fingers.

He moved over you like a storm—pressing your legs open wider, dragging the tip of his cock through your slick folds, hissing through his teeth at how wet you still were for him.

“Jesus,” he muttered. “Look at you.”

You moaned under him, fingers gripping the sheets.

“Joel—”

“I got you,” he breathed, one hand sliding up your thigh, his other fist wrapped tight around the base of his cock as he lined himself up.

Then he pushed in.

Not fast. Not all at once. Just the thick head breaching you, then the slow stretch of him sliding deeper.

You gasped—hips twitching, breath catching sharp in your throat.

“Wait,” you whispered, voice a little cracked. “Just—just a second.”

Joel stilled immediately.

You felt the tension in his arms, the way his muscles locked down like he was holding himself back with everything he had.

“Fuck,” he groaned, voice tight. “You’re… tight as hell.”

You were full—so full—and not even all of him yet. He stayed buried halfway, his chest rising and falling hard as he leaned down over you, pressing soft kisses to your neck, your shoulder, your jaw.

“I’m not movin’,” he murmured against your skin, voice low and shaky. “Take your time. I’ll fuckin’ wait all night if I have to.”

His mouth dragged along your throat again—slow and hot—and he whispered between kisses, “You feel so good, baby. So fuckin’ good. Gonna lose my mind.”

You breathed him in—sweat and salt and something rawer—and let your hands slide up his back, nails grazing the hard lines of his shoulders. He held himself perfectly still inside you, but his lips never stopped—mouth on your pulse, then your jaw, your collarbone, whispering every filthy, reverent thing you never knew you wanted to hear.

You clenched around him, involuntarily, and he grunted—low and wrecked.

You smiled faintly, gasping, “You’re doing great for a guy who’s supposedly gonna last two seconds.”

Joel let out a strangled laugh, forehead pressed to yours.

“Say that again and I will come,” he growled.

You pulled his face back down to yours.

“Okay,” you whispered, voice hot against his mouth. “I’m ready now.”

And Joel pushed all the way in.

He bottomed out with a deep, shuddering groan—the sound ripped from his chest as your body took every thick inch of him, heat clenching tight around him.

“Fuck,” Joel hissed, voice ragged. “You feel—Jesus, you feel so fuckin’ good.”

You choked out a moan, legs wrapped around his waist, heels digging into his lower back like you wanted him even deeper.

“God, Joel—fuck me,” you gasped. “Hard. Don’t hold back.”

That was all it took.

His restraint snapped.

He gripped your hips with bruising force and pulled back—then slammed into you, rough and deep, the wet smack of skin on skin echoing through the small room.

You cried out, high and wrecked, arching up into him as his cock drove into you again and again, hard and unforgiving. He fucked you like he meant it—like it wasn’t just want, but need, years of it, buried under silence and control finally breaking loose.

“Fuck, that’s it,” he growled, mouth dragging against your ear. “You want it rough, baby? That what you’ve been thinkin’ about all night?”

You gasped out a laugh between moans, nails scraping down his back.

“I’ve been thinking about this every damn night,” you spat, eyes rolling. “That thick fuckin’ cock—stretching me open—you owning me.”

Joel let out a deep groan at that, hips slamming into you faster now, the rhythm brutal.

“You like gettin’ ruined, huh?” he muttered, breath hot on your throat. “Filthy little mouth but takin’ it so goddamn well. So fuckin’ perfect.”

“Yes,” you moaned. “Fuck—yes, Joel, fuck me. Make me come. Don’t you dare stop—”

He reached down between your bodies, fingers slipping over your clit, rubbing tight, fast circles, already knowing how to break you apart again.

“I’ll give you what you fuckin’ asked for,” he growled. “Gonna make you scream my name.”

And you did.

Your orgasm hit like fire—white-hot, sudden, unstoppable. You screamed for him as your body locked up around his cock, every nerve on fire, vision blinking out for a second like your brain couldn’t keep up.

Joel didn’t let up. If anything, the sound of your climax just pushed him over the edge.

“Fuck—gonna come,” he choked, fucking you through it, harder, faster, mouth open against your throat. “You’re so fuckin’ tight, I can’t—shit—baby—fuck—”

He slammed in deep one last time, his hips jerking against you as he came hard, spilling into you with a guttural growl, body shaking above yours.

It was raw—sweaty, breathless, every nerve buzzing.

He didn’t pull out right away.

He just stayed there—buried deep, panting, his weight braced on trembling arms, forehead against yours. His chest rose and fell against your breasts, hot skin slick with sweat.

“Holy fuck,” you breathed, laughing, wrecked. “Joel.”

He huffed, his voice a low rasp. “Don’t say my name like that unless you want round two.”

You smiled, wild and breathless.

“I do want round two.”

Joel kissed you—messy and hard—then whispered:

“Next time, I’m takin’ you apart slow. And you’re gonna beg.”

You’d let him.

Joel was still inside you, still breathing hard, still trying to recover—but you weren’t done. Not even close.

He was braced over you, chest against yours, lips brushing your jaw as he whispered some broken, half-lost Jesus Christ,like he couldn’t believe how good that had been. But your legs were still wrapped around his waist. Still holding him in. Tight.

You shifted under him, hips rolling up just slightly.

Joel groaned deep in his throat, already twitching inside you.

“The hell are you doin’?” he rasped, voice wrecked.

Your mouth brushed his ear, your voice low, hot, electric.

“Taking what I want.”

Then—you moved.

With one fast, strong shift of your thighs, you flipped him, using the leverage of his dazed body and your locked legs to roll him onto his back. He let out a grunt of surprise, arms falling open beside him as he hit the mattress.

You were already sitting up, straddling his hips, hands pressed to his chest, sweat-slick and flushed with that fucked-out glow. His cock was still inside you, already hardening again as you ground down, slow and deliberate.

Joel’s head fell back against the pillow with a growl, one hand dragging down his face.

“Fuck, woman—gonna kill me.”

You smirked, rocking your hips with dangerous purpose. “That’s the idea.”

His hands flew to your hips like instinct, trying to ground you—but you caught his wrists and pushed them back down to the mattress.

“No,” you said, breath hot. “I’m in control this time.”

Joel looked up at you—sweat-damp curls, lips parted, eyes blown wide with want—and nodded once, jaw tight.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “Fuckin’ take it, then.”

And you did.

You started to ride him—slow at first, teasing, letting your body take him inch by inch again, grinding down in smooth, wet rolls that made his fingers twitch against the sheets.

“Look at you,” you murmured, rolling your hips deeper, nails dragging down his chest. “Big, bad Joel Miller—ruined underneath me.”

“Keep talkin’,” he growled, hips jerking up into you. “You know how fuckin’ filthy that mouth is?”

“I could stop,” you teased, breath heavy, leaning forward until your lips brushed his.

“You stop,” he hissed, “and I flip this fuckin’ bed.”

You moaned, loud, loving the way his voice cracked. The way he twitched inside you every time you clenched around him, teasing just enough to keep him right there—almost at the edge, but not quite.

You bounced harder, pace slamming down now, his cock thick and perfect, stretching you all over again, even better the second time.

Joel groaned, deep and wrecked. “Ride me, baby—fuck, that’s it. Take all of it.”

You leaned back, hands on his thighs, giving him the full view—your body slick with sweat, tits bouncing with every grind, lips parted, hair wild. His eyes were locked to the way you moved on him. The way you owned it.

“You love watching me fuck you like this,” you gasped.

“Yeah,” he snarled. “I do. Look at you. Fuckin’ perfect.”

You slammed down harder, faster—no rhythm now, just desperate, chasing that edge again.

Joel’s voice broke. “You gonna come again on my cock? Gonna soak me while you fuckin’ own me?”

“Yes,” you cried, hand flying to your clit, rubbing fast as you rode him, your body screaming for release.

Joel sat up at the last second, arms locking around your waist, slamming into you from beneath.

“Then come,” he snarled into your mouth. “Now.”

You screamed—his name, something filthy, something helpless—as your orgasm ripped through you again, harder this time, shaking, collapsing against his chest while your cunt milked him, spasming tight.

Joel swore loud, hands grabbing your ass, his hips jerking up into you as he came again—deep, hot, full—growling into your neck as you both clung to each other like the world might break if either of you let go.

You stayed like that. A tangled, gasping mess.

Until Joel leaned back, voice wrecked and satisfied and a little in awe.

“Well,” he rasped. “Remind me to piss you off more often.”

You grinned against his neck, body still trembling, utterly wrecked—and completely in control.

“Careful,” you whispered. “I’m just getting started.”

The room is still heavy with heat and breath when the silence cracks again—this time, your voice, a little raspy, a little smug, cutting through the aftermath like a blade laced with teasing.

You shift lazily on top of him, still straddling Joel’s lap, still warm and full of him. His chest is rising and falling beneath you, arms relaxed behind his head like a man utterly destroyed.

And you grin.

“Gotta say,” you murmur, dragging your fingers lightly over his chest, “you’re setting a dangerous precedent for how you treat your nanny.”

Joel huffs a laugh—dry and low, eyes still half-lidded, but that smirk returns. Slow. Dangerous.

“You know damn well this ain’t part of the job description.”

You lean down, your hair brushing his face, lips grazing his jaw.

“Really?” you murmur. “Because I’m feeling pretty compensated.”

Joel grabs your hips again, firm, but lazy. “You keep talkin’ like that, and I’m gonna add another round to your fuckin’ workload.”

You laugh into his neck, breathless. “Overtime?”

“Hell yeah,” he says, voice gravel. “But next time, I’m the one in charge again.”

You bite his shoulder, just enough to make him grunt.

“We’ll negotiate.”

He rolls you under him in one quick move, still grinning like a man who hasn’t smiled this much in years.

“You’re lucky I don’t put that in writing,” he mutters, kissing you again, slow now. “You’re the worst fuckin’ nanny I ever hired.”

You sigh dramatically against his mouth. “Well. You’re the best dad I’ve ever fucked.”

Joel chokes on a laugh and drops his forehead against your shoulder.

“Jesus Christ.”

And neither of you stop smiling.

[firingstars]

in this life | ch. 4

bucky barnes x female reader

summary: "There's only one God, doll, and He's gonna bring me back to you." "I don't need God," you told him, fresh tears brimming over your eyes. "I just need you."

warnings: 18+, mdni, nondescript smut in this chapter, mental health talk, bucky is kinda flirting with you he's being 40's bucky in present time rn, reincarnation trope, language, mentions of financial instability, memories are written with italicizes, no use of y/n, angst, yearning, longing, everyone's alive no one is dead because i said so, alternating pov's

word count: 5.1k

a/n: i told myself that i wouldn't play elden ring until i released this chapter so now i will be playing elden ring until further notice. i also am going to see materialists tomorrow so if chris evans awakens something inside me be prepared for a steve rogers oneshot fic over the weekend

previous chapter | next chapter

Bucky knew better than to look for you. Well, he knew where to look for you. He knew everywhere that you would be, actually. He knew your school schedule, your work schedule, he knew what stores you frequented, and the roads that you took when you commuted from home to school, school to work, and work to home.

Sam called him a stalker. 

Bucky defended himself and said it was part of the intelligence background check that he had done on you. 

Though, he knew deep down, it was wrong of him to have even done that. It was originally just to see who was running the blog. But after seeing you, finding out who you were, Bucky couldn’t help himself. He wanted to know every detail about your life to see if there were any differences.

He was certain that you were the same person, though he still couldn’t wrap his head around how. 

“I think I’m going insane,” he told Steve. 

“Wouldn’t blame you. I would go crazy if Peggy was suddenly in front of me, too.”

“What would you do then?” Bucky demanded. “I don’t think we have the right to even be part of her life, Steve.”

“I think we should have thought about that before we both made Tony give her that scholarship, and before you gave her that insane amount of money,” Steve pointed out.

“Fuck,” Bucky grunted, burying his face in his hands. 

“Is it really that wrong to try again?” Steve murmured. “The universe is giving you a second chance… I know that if I was given one, I would take it.”

“But what if it’s not her, Steve? What if it’s just someone that looks like her, and I’m just projecting it on this random girl? Then what?” 

“You don’t have to fall in love with her,” Steve said, shaking his head. “You could start off as friends. Maybe from there, you can figure out whether or not it really is her or not… And then you can decide where to go from there.”

“We can’t be friends anymore,” you told him, refusing to meet his eyes. 

“I don’t understand,” he said, and you could hear the confusion in his voice. “Did I do something? Say something? Did I hurt you?”

“No. Nothing like that,” you murmured in response, your heart clenching at his words. 

“Then what?” he pleaded softly, reaching for you. His hands were on your shoulders, and he whispered your name, “Look at me, please.”

You refused. You couldn’t, even if you wanted to. You were about to start crying, and you didn’t need him to see it. 

You were at your breaking point after so long. Nineteen years of being by his side, three years of harboring secret affection for him. Now, he was trying to take your coworker out for a date?

Yeah. You couldn’t do this anymore. You couldn’t sit and watch this anymore. You bit your tongue long enough, and you were tired. 

You shrugged his hands off your shoulders. “It’s nothing. Just— I can’t be your friend anymore.”

“Why?” he demanded, though there was no real bite to his words. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration, letting out a deep sigh. 

You swallowed thickly, shook your head. “I gotta go.”

He didn’t let you leave. The second you turned, he had a hand on your arm, only hard enough to stop you. It didn’t hurt. No, he never hurt you. 

“You can’t just leave!” he exclaimed. “We’ve been friends since— since we were children! You can’t just tell me you’re leaving me without any kind of explanation.”

“Just drop it,” you mutter, pulling your arm back from him. He lets you go, you take a few steps, but not before he completely stops you by rushing around you to block your path.

“No! Argue with me, get mad! I don’t understand,” he begged. Your chest clenched at the sound of his voice. The hurt. The confusion. “You’re my one of my closest friends— hell, you and S̵͓͋ͅt̸͙̟͑͗ë̷̟̤́̚v̸͖̮̽ị̴͛͝e̵̙̐ are the closet friends I have!“

“That’s the issue!” you finally snap, looking at him. “I’m just a friend to you! That’s all I am, and that’s all I’ll ever be! I’m so fucking sick of it, J̵̳͎͒a̸̹̓m̸̛͇̲͌e̶͖͕̊̚s̴̱̬̓!” 

His body stills, taken aback. He whispers your name like a prayer. “What are you saying—“

“I’m so tired, don’t you understand?! You drag me and Ş̶̦͑t̷̘̆e̷̹̒̔v̵͕̻̐̕e̷̦̮̅́ to double date with you and your new catch of the week, and so have to sit there and watch you flirt with someone that isn’t me— that’ll never be me!” you cut him off, running your hands through your hair. You’re crying now, tears fully falling down your face. “Except Ş̶̦͑t̷̘̆e̷̹̒̔v̵͕̻̐̕e̷̦̮̅́ notices, and he feels fucking bad for me! You’re the only one dense enough to not see that I’ve been in love with you since we were sixteen, you fucking idiot!”

He doesn’t say a word. He can’t. You don’t even think he’s breathing. You let out a harsh, bitter laugh.

“We can’t be friends anymore. I think I might rip my own heart out if I listen to you talk about someone else,” you whispered, side stepping him. 

This time, he doesn’t follow you when you leave. 

However, he’s back two days later, knocking on your door incessantly. You know it’s him. The only other person it could be is your little blonde friend who had already comforted you yesterday. 

You sigh, knowing he won’t leave until you open the door. 

When you do, a bouquet of flowers is shoved into your face. You flinch, taking them in your hands to move the petals out of your nostrils. 

“What is this?” you frown. 

“Flowers. Have you never seen flowers before?” he asks, sarcastic. 

“Obviously I’ve seen fucking flowers before,” you reply dryly. “Why are you giving them to me—“

“Because I love you,” he cuts you off. “Since we were six. So I have you beat by ten years.”

You’re frozen in place, staring at the bouquet of flowers in your hand. It’s filled with an assortment of your favorites, wrapped in newspaper and a white bow. 

“We met when we were six,” you finally whisper. 

“And I’ve loved you ever since that day,” he confesses. 

“You— you take other girls out. You take my friends out,” you stammer, your mind reeling. 

“Well, to be fair, you set me up with your girls,” he says, leaning against the doorframe as he crosses his arms over his chest. 

You couldn’t deny that.

“What about the other girls?” you demand. 

He lets out a sigh, “I… didn’t think you were interested in me. Thought you just saw me as a brother, like Ş̶̦͑t̷̘̆e̷̹̒̔v̵͕̻̐̕e̷̦̮̅́.” 

“I.. don't believe you,” you whisper, clutching the stems of the flowers tighter. The newspaper crinkles under your hands. “You’re just saying this because you don’t want to lose me.”

“Doll,” he whispers, and a tingle runs down your spine. 

He’d never called you that before— he’d never called anyone that before, actually. You look up at him, biting the inside of your cheek. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” he confirms, reaching to hold your face in his hand. Your breath hitches at the contact. “However, I have watched you my entire life. I know everything about you. All your likes and dislikes. Everything you dream of and wish for. What you want in the future— I’ll give it all to you, if you’ll just let me.”

“What.. what if this ruins us?” you say, your voice trembling. “What if we break up—“

“I’m never letting you go, now that I have you,” he dismisses. “I promise, pretty girl. I will take care of you. I’ll take care of your heart and hold it so gently in my hands and keep it safe.”

“You… don’t exactly have a great track record with holding girlfriends,” you say, joking slightly. 

He chuckles, thumb brushing against your cheek. “None of them was you. Didn’t care enough to hold onto them.”

You let out a trembling breath, staring down at the flowers for a few moments. Your mind is racing, your heart is about to burst from your chest. 

“Want me to court you, doll?” he asks, breaking the silence. “I’ll court you. Let me work for it, let me show you how serious I am for you.”

“No,” you quickly say, looking back up at him. “I— That’s too much time wasted. I just wanna be yours already.”

“I’ve been yours from the start,” he whispers, and you hear it. The genuinity in his voice that makes your stomach flip. “Be my girl, sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” you nod, letting out a breath. 

He surges forward, holding your face in both hands now as he presses his lips against yours— like he’s been waiting his entire life to do this. You suppose he has, whereas you’ve only been waiting a few. 

You relax against him, pulling him into your home before shutting the front door behind him. He continues kissing you, pressing kisses all over your face as he whispers his gratitude. 

You giggle against him, holding him close to you as his lips finally find yours again. You sigh into his kiss, and he shifts the angle of your head to kiss deeper. 

His tongue slips into your mouth, licking into yours. You let out a surprised squeak against his lips, and feel him smile against you.

“Don’t like?” he whispers, lips ghosting against yours. 

“Just— new,” you stutter, heart racing. “Never done that.”

“Hmm.. I know,” he chuckles. Well, you knew he did. Your little trio of friends talked about relationships. He was the most well versed out of all three of you.

“Okay, Mr. Experienced,” you scoff, hitting his arm with the flowers. 

“Not totally experienced,” he corrects. “I’ve never gone all the way.”

You’re surprised. “You haven’t? I thought you did with Dot— prom night?” 

“No. Got close, but stopped,” he confesses, taking the flowers from your hands and dropping them onto the table by the front door. “Didn’t feel right. Wanted to wait for the right person.”

“Who’s the right person?” you ask.

“I’m holding her right now,” he whispers, arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you closer to him before pulling you back into a sweet kiss. 

You know he can feel your heart pounding in your chest as he holds you against him. You find that you don’t care, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him impossibly closer. His hand moves to your chin, gently tugging— you know what he’s asking for. 

You open your mouth, prepared this time for his tongue. The feeling is strange, different, but you don’t hate it. He’s moving slowly against you, allowing you to adjust to him, to learn his movements

He’s being so patient with you it almost makes you want to cry. 

You learn quickly, sliding your own tongue over his, licking into his mouth the same way that he did with you. He lets out a soft moan into your mouth, squeezing your hip tighter in his hand. 

“So good, doll,” he whispers, pulling back briefly just to compliment you before meeting you once more. 

You find your back against the wall, his body a rock against yours. You find comfort in his touch, letting out soft noises you didn’t know you could make as he started kissing away from your mouth, down your jaw and to your neck. 

“Your Ma’ workin’ late tonight?” he whispers against your skin.

“Won’t be back till the morning,” you swallow. “Graveyard shift.”

“Doll… I want you,” he murmurs, “If you’ll let me.”

You know what he’s asking for, know what he means. You nod all the same, pushing him off of you gently just to take his hand to lead him to your room. Your heart is pounding in your chest, keenly aware of him and the amount of space he takes in your small room. 

He’s been in here thousands of times before. This is different. It’s different as he presses his chest against your back, hands roaming slowly around your body, giving you the opportunity to push him away or change your mind. 

You never do.

His breath hitches as you lean into his touch, murmuring your name softly. 

“I’m a little nervous,” you confess to him as you turn in his arms to face him. 

“So am I,” he replies with a laugh. “I’m glad this is with you, though.”

You grin at him, pressing on your toes to kiss him again. 

Clothes are slowly removed with shaking hands, both of you taking the time to pause, to look at each other in the dim light of your room. You’re entranced by him— you’ve seen him before, at the lake. Having him above you like this is different. 

He seems to feel the same, cursing under his breath as he takes in the sight of you completely bare beneath him. 

“I don’t know how many times I dreamt about this,” he whispers, fingers ghosting over the swell of your breasts. “Dreamt of you. Am I dreaming again, doll?”

“I’m in a dream with you, if you are,” you whisper back. 

You both are clumsy, breathless, sharing quiet giggles with each other as you try to figure out what feels good and what doesn’t. All the while, you share kisses between whispers of affection, and he never stops telling you how perfect you are. 

Finally, when you both deem that it’s time— he slides home. 

You’re taken back by the stretch, and he’s dying in his head, but comes back to life to kiss away your tears and comfort you as you get used to the feel of him. 

When pleasure finally overcomes pain, he moves. The first thrust is heaven. You moan in unison, holding on to each other like you’ll fall apart if you don’t. 

Neither of you last too long. It's an overwhelming mix of passion, pleasure, and love. He collapses on you, murmuring something about lasting longer next time, and you laugh. 

You’re lulled to sleep by him tracing incomplete shapes into your hip, tucked into his chest like something precious. You’re beginning to learn that you are—to him at least. 

You could constantly feel eyes on you, though you never knew where those eyes were. Whether it was at the diner, on campus, or walking home, you couldn’t shake the feeling. What was even more strange was that you didn’t feel like you were in danger, strangely.

You thought you were going insane, but that wouldn’t be an accurate description of anything. You should probably already be in an institution, but you simply remained undiagnosed. 

It was unnerving, to say the least. 

You still continued to keep an eye out for the two super soldiers. You hoped to see at least one of them. You kept telling yourself it was so that you could return the ten grand to them, even though you never actually carried the money with you. Maybe the next time that you saw them you would give one of them your phone number or demand one of theirs. Take their number and tell them that you would return the money or wire the money back to them via Zelle. If they had Zelle. You didn’t know how technology advanced the two World War II veterans were. 

“What paper are you angry typing up?” Peter asked from across the table. “Is it for your ethics class again?” 

“No, my ethics professor finally gave in to my study. It’s an email,” you said. “To your boss. Demanding to understand the details of my scholarship.”

“Isn’t this the fourth email you sent him?” Ned asked.

“Fifth,” MJ corrected from beside you. “And he still hasn’t responded? At all? Peter, why don’t you talk to him?”

“Nuh-uh,” Peter shook his head vehemently. “I am not gonna talk about scholarships with Mr. Stark. What if he takes away mine?”

“It’s alright,” you tell MJ with a sigh. “It’s not his responsibility.”

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset about the scholarship though,” Ned said, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s a full ride and more. You’ve been able to get all of us free lunch at the cafeterias for the past two weeks.”

“Yes, but what if he takes it away because he realizes I am not qualified and then I get backlogged with payments that I can’t afford?” you shoot back. “And Peter has also been getting us lunch at the cafeteria, not just me.”

“I didn’t realize my scholarship also came with lunch,” Peter said, sheepish.  

“Also it’s not Peter’s responsibility for Tony Stark to respond to his damn emails,” you grunted. Peter let out a sigh of relief.

“Well, good luck with all of that,” MJ said with a snort as she packed up her things. “Gotta head to my next class. I’ll see you at the diner tonight.”

“Yup,” you mutter as she picks up her things. She rounds the table real quick to press a kiss to Peter’s lips before leaving the library. 

You press send on the email, and bury your face in your hands. You can feel a headache coming on. You were one more email away from finding out where the hell Peter went for his internship and banging down Tony Stark’s door yourself to demand answers.

You held back the desire to do so and went on with the rest of your day. You had one more class, one more pop quiz. Then you were on your way to clock in for work. Tomorrow, you had the day off. It was the weekend, too. It was a rare occurrence where you didn’t have both school and work. You would be able to sleep in if your mind allowed you to. Maybe you could finish that drawing you were working on.

The Friday dinner rush came and went. It got so busy that the bell ended up breaking at the door. You two would have to look up to see if a patron walked in. Thankfully, you were at the tail end of the night, and usually you guys never saw anyone at this time. You only had about an hour left before you would start your closing duties and then head home for the night. 

You and MJ decided to beg the cooks in the back for a snack, and they gave you an order of large fries to share. After wiping down the bar counter, you and MJ sat at the diner bar to chat. Your feet were killing you after running around all night. 

“Fuck, marry, kill. Captain America, Thor, Iron Man,” MJ suddenly said.

“You know your boyfriend is part of that team, right?” you mutter under your breath.

“Yeah, that’s why you’re playing, not me,” MJ grinned. 

“Kill Iron Man,” you said instantly.

“Because he’s not answering your emails?”

 “Exactly,” you grunt. “Bad communication. Terrible for marriage. Don’t even wanna think about going to bed with that. Pisses me off.”

“Understandable,” she nods. “Two left.”

You groan, sighing deeply. “I don’t think marrying Thor would be good for the long run. Marrying a God seems like a bad idea. Maybe fucking him once is good?”

“So you’ll marry Captain America?” she asked, surprised. “He’s like, a hundred. Are you sure about that?”

“He was born during a time when men were chivalrous and gentlemanly,” you argue. “Also, he’s a hundred, but does he look like it? Steve Rogers looks like sex, MJ.”

A ring of the call bell at the hostess stand makes both of you freeze. You both turn to the front, finding a customer waiting to be seated, but it’s not just any customer. Bucky is standing there, staring at you with his hands in his pockets. 

You want to fucking die. 

“That’s your circus,” MJ quickly said, grabbing the basket of fries before running into the kitchen.

“You–!” you hissed at her as your cheeks turned red. You swallow down your embarrassment as you go up to the stand, grabbing a menu from the podium as you clear your throat. “Just for one tonight?”

“Yeah,” he answers, nodding. 

“Bar or table?” 

“Bar is good.”

After leading him to the bar, you bring him a glass of water as he looks over the menu. Your cheeks are still burning with heat, and your heart is still thumping. You don’t know how long he has been standing there. You don’t know if he’s heard the entire conversation to know the context, or if he was only able to hear the end of what you said about his friend.

“Can I get you something other than water to drink?” you forced out.

“Do you have beer here?” he asked. “Kinda need it. I just heard somebody say my best friend looks like sex.”

“We have beer,” you whispered, swallowing thickly as you turned towards the kitchen to grab a bottle.

MJ is lucky that you don’t find her during your quick walk through otherwise you would’ve smashed the bottle over her head. Not literally. You wanted to though. You should. You won’t. Maybe later.

“One beer,” you said, placing it in front of him. “And I’m so sorry.”

Bucky lets out a small laugh, and you finally look at his face. He’s smiling. “No worries.”

“Were you listening– Did you hear the whole conversation?” you asked, nervous.

“Nope. Just the last part.”

“Do you know what the game fuck, marry, kill is?”

Bucky stares at you like you’re speaking a different language for a few moments as he rests his hands on the bar counter. You just might be making zero sense, honestly. You normally wouldn’t even be bringing this up with a patron. You would just let it go and pretend that this wasn’t a thing, but you were desperate to clear up this misunderstanding. 

“Basically you choose three people, and you have those three options. My friend gave me three Avengers to choose from.”

“You chose Steve to fuck?” Bucky asked, eyebrows furrowing.

“No, I chose Thor to fuck. I chose Steve to marry,” you quickly corrected him. “And I killed off Tony Stark.”

“Oh. Steve would be the best option to marry out of those three,” Bucky nodded, taking a long drink of his beer. You let out a breath, relief filling your body. “Still doesn’t explain your comment.”

“I– she was saying that he’s old. And asked me why I would be okay with marrying someone old. I said that he doesn’t look old– that he looks…”

“Like sex?” he completed for you, a small smirk on his face.

“Are you going to order?” you asked, regretting everything leading up to this moment. 

Bucky chuckled, looking back down at the menu for a second before nodding. “Yeah. Is the hamburger steak good?”

“It’s good,” you said with a breath. “I’ll put that order in for you.”

You quickly turn and disappear into the kitchen to put the ticket in. You wish that the diner was busy so that you would have more time to hide, have some time to cool off and potentially forget about the conversation, but unfortunately luck is not on your side. The cooks have the order finished and ready within moments. MJ is still avoiding eye contact with you, even though you can see an amused look on her face. 

You bring the plate back out to him, muttering a soft enjoy before trying to spin on your heel again.

“I’ll leave you another large tip if you run,” he said.

“Are you really threatening me with money?” you asked, shocked. You turn around to find him already cutting into the gravy smothered meat, and he shrugs.

“Maybe.”

“For what reason?” Despite your words, you return to the counter, right across from him with your eyebrows raised. 

“Seeking company while I eat,” he responds, glancing up at you before bringing a cut of the hamburger to his mouth. Then, he looks surprised. “It is good.”

“Of course it’s good. Did you think I was lying?”

“Thought you were just tryna get me to stop talking about my friend looking like sex to you, doll,” he said, chuckling.

“Are you ever going to drop that?” you frown at him.

“It happened like two seconds ago. Let me enjoy the moment.”

“Just don’t tell Steve. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again in person, but I don’t think I’ll be able to look him in the eyes if he knows I said that,” you begged, inwardly cringing.

“On one condition. Take Iron Man out. Put me in. How does the scenario change now?” 

Your mind was short circuiting in real time. You were staring at him, and he was waiting patiently, a smile on his face as he stared at you. His fingers rested on his lips, eyes never leaving yours, waiting for a response.

“I don’t think this is an appropriate conversation to be having with a customer,” you finally whispered.

“I could always tell Steve,” he shot right back.

“Kill Thor,” you started immediately, watching the smile on his face grow. “Though I really don’t know how it’s possible to kill a God.”

“For the sake of the game,” Bucky brushed off. “Steve and I next. Who are you bringing to bed, and who’s waiting for you at the altar?” 

“Do I really have to answer this?” you plead.

“No,” he said with a shrug. “But I could just call Steve.”

“Marry you,” you finally said, looking everywhere but him.

“Because Steve looks like sex?” 

“No!” you exclaim, cheeks burning hotter than you ever thought was possible. “You just— I’ve met you, what, three times? You stole pickles off my sandwich without me saying anything, and gave me a fat tip for mediocre service. I feel that I would be taken care of for the rest of my life. Fuck is just.. the only option left… So yeah. Steve is, by default, who I’m gonna fuck.”

Bucky looks utterly satisfied for whatever reason that you cannot understand. He picks up his fork and knife and continues to cut into his meat, bringing the food back to his mouth to eat quietly. You still feel like disintegrating on the spot.

“You can’t tell him I said any of that,” you finally said, watching him bring a broccoli piece to his lips.

“Our little secret, doll,” he hummed. “Didn’t think I was marriage material though.”

“For the sake of the game,” you said, shooting the words back at his face. You watch as he smiles a bit more, nodding to himself more than you. 

“Not too old for you either?” he asked, and you could hear something teasing in his voice. “Or do I also look like sex?”

“I’ll ban you from ever entering this diner again,” you threatened, though your words hold zero weight.

“Then I’ll just leave another ten grand for your tip before you throw me to the streets.” 

“Do you always just carry alarming amounts of money with you?”

“Only when I know I’m going to see a pretty waitress at a diner,” he replied. 

“Sergeant, if I knew any better, I would say you were attempting to be flirting with the pretty waitress at the diner,” you said, crossing your arms over your chest.

Bucky paused mid-bite, then shrugged just slightly. He didn’t look bothered or flustered at all.

“Is that an issue with you?” he asked. “Is there a boyfriend that I need to fight?”

“You tell me,” you said dryly. “What does your background check on me say?”

The smile returned to his face as he looked back at you. There was a sparkle in his eyes that you hadn’t seen earlier, that made your breath catch in your throat, and your chest tighten.

“There’s none,” he answered.

“Eat your food, Sergeant,” you huffed. “I’ll be back to check on you. Need to start my closing duties. Don’t rush though– I haven’t practiced the heimlich maneuver in years. I don’t know what I’ll do if you start choking.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he laughed, looking back down at his food. 

You were relieved to finally move out of his line of sight. 

Bucky seemed different today. Where the last two times you saw him, he was tense and uptight, he seemed a bit more relaxed today. You weren’t sure if it was due to the beer he was drinking or if it was the playful banter that was passed between the two of you, but either way it was nice. Natural. As if you had been through this thousands of times before and speaking to him was as easy as breathing air. 

There wasn’t much for you to do in terms of closing. MJ had flitted about while you embarrassed yourself in front of the superhero, and you printed out his receipt. You knew better this time than to try and give him a complimentary meal again otherwise you would be stuck with another stack of bills behind your dresser that you would be too scared to touch.

You stared at the receipt for a few moments, then picked up a pen. Your heart was racing as you quickly scribbled on the end of the customer copy, and made sure to keep it carefully hidden under the restaurant’s copy. 

“I hope you enjoyed your meal tonight,” you told him as you dropped off the checkbook.

“It was great,” he said, offering you another smile as he took out his wallet. He opened it up, checked the price, and took out the according number of bills before. Then, another hundred came out, and he slid it to you. “For you.”

“Bucky–”

“For putting up with my shit tonight,” he cut you off.

You couldn’t argue with that. You grumbled under your breath as you took the cash, shoving it into your pocket as you took the restaurant receipt and his money. You watched as Bucky’s eyes fell on his copy of the receipt, and stared for a few moments. 

“What’s this?” he asked, picking up the receipt.

“I’m sure you already have my number from whatever intelligence you ran on me,” you said, clearing your throat as you refused to meet his eyes. “Consider this permission to use it.”

“Are you flirting with me now?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. Your heart was pounding as you watched as he put the receipt into the pocket of his leather jacket carefully. 

“Not flirting. Networking, if you will. Expanding my options for after I graduate. The Avengers need therapists right? You guys have a lot of unsolved trauma, even if you guys won’t say that in the interviews that you have.”

Bucky barked out a laugh at your response, shaking his head. “I’ll ask around. See who needs a student therapist to poke around in their heads for your thesis.”

“You really know too much about me.”

“I’m sure that you know just as much about me,” he promised.

You believed him, for some odd reason.

next chapter

taglist: @kitkatyap @bitchycheesecakecat @saintserpentine @miss-chuchu @majorasbat @sleepdeprivedfrfr @shortandb1tchy @bruiscdlikeviolets @thebuckybarnesvault @alltheusersaregone @1967barracuda @ab-baybay @ilovegojotbh @cheriecelestial @clairdelunea @intothesoul @thelittleredbean @the-salty-asian @sagittariussupernova @sebastians-love @duacruel @phoenix666stuff @lvrrinx @kjmonster111 @tangledinpeonies @winter-crow @aligned-starz

[jaqobis]

man so i've been rereading tdr and i've been really noticing here that the reason egwene has such a hard time with nynaeve is because she keeps being reminded of renna

and egwene doesn't even fully realize this! nynaeve doesn't even know she's doing it!

but egwene spends this whole book on HIGH ALERT, because the last time she trusted anyone, she got carried off to the seanchan!! siuan's directive about the black ajah only feeds into her own paranoia after being deceived by liandrin...who, you know, was black ajah. it's not undeserved fear!! but egwene has a hard time looking at anyone she doesn't know (or doesn't know well) as anything but a potential threat. she spends the whole first meeting with aviendha and bain and chiad thinking about ways to protect herself or defuse the situation, when in actuality everyone's wondering why she seems so on edge and ready to attack. aviendha literally catches her embracing the source and hastily goes I WOULD NEVER HURT AN AES SEDAI BTW, FOR NO REASON, JUST FYI,

but coming back to nynaeve...the thing is, renna — and this is really emphasized in the book, where most of the torment is off-screened and told to us later in absolutely horrifying anecdotes — really abused egwene in the way of alternating punishment with "kind" and "humane" treatment. she acted like the owner of a recalcitrant animal she really cares about, or...wait for it...a particularly abusive older sister. renna is the one with the knowledge, the right answers, and egwene was her foolish damane who was learning the ropes. who, when she was punished, was hurt because she'd brought it on herself.

nynaeve, village wisdom, also acts like the older sister with the knowledge, and with the right answers. she also favors egwene with the affections of an authority figure. it's totally different, of course, because nynaeve actually loves egwene and respects her deeply. nynaeve would never hurt her. but we see moments like nynaeve giving egwene's hair a playful tug after egwene compliments her...which completely sours egwene's mood....and is also reminiscent of renna patting her hair when she "does well." both nynaeve and renna position themselves as teachers who have taught egwene lessons, which they ask her to recall! and though their behavior and treatment of her are wildly different, egwene is unable to separate her reactions to nynaeve and feelings about nynaeve with her visceral disgust at her time as a damane.

egwene doesn't WANT to be a "good girl," because with the seanchan she was forced to be a "good girl," a pliable damane, or she'd be hurt until she became compliant. but she is free now, and she's determined to keep her freedom forever, so she CANNOT be the foolish girl who trusted an adult and got captured and tortured. she CANNOT be the valuable damane who had no recourse but to learn her lessons and attempt the smallest resistances allowed to her. she won't agree with an authority figure just because they're an authority, and she won't enjoy their kindness when they agree with her!! all of these experiences have been completely poisoned for her. and, importantly, nynaeve is safe to act out with. egwene couldn't react this way at the white tower, because they have the power to withhold her education, her future as an aes sedai (which she conflates with safety because she will have power), and because they too are willing to apply physical punishment. nynaeve, at worst, will get frustrated or say something sour, but she would never meaningfully hurt egwene. and there's the part of egwene that knows that, even with all of the trauma informing every choice she makes.

tl;dr as usual rj wrote some really compelling trauma material in the wake of egwene's horrific experiences with the seanchan. i love his commitment to depicting the messier, uglier trauma responses people can have and the sympathy with which he does it

[thhouseofblack]

Feel free to ignore the heck out of this if it's too icky bc its not meant to be I just love the Tragedy of it but I love exploring how complicated Tele and Penelope's relationship is because it's either super strained or it would be easy to fall into the realm uncomfortably close, at least by that era's standards where you're super formal with your parents.

Which isn't saying that anyone would do anything bad it's just you would have alternate caretakers and Penelope's depression keeping that emotional distance between the two until suddenly the stress of the suitors and Telemachus being old enough to take on kingly duties push them together. They could easily end up having the interactions that the king and queen would have because they in many ways are the king and queen. Not even really thinking that it's weird to call your mom "My Queen" or to go to your sons room when nightmares make you feel unsafe.

In my initial draft of that scene between Antinous and Telemachus, the argument breaks out because of this exact thing - with Antinous making a nasty comment on how Telemachus is taking up his father's duties and responsibilities, which I discarded because how it felt mildly incestuous.

But I do agree - when I characterise Penelope and Telemachus, it's a mix of both those elements? Their relationship is fundamentally strained, especially after the end of the Trojan War and Odysseus not arriving back to Ithaca. There's a lot going on around the situation in Ithaca (politically that I'd love to expand on in another fic some day) but that alongside Odysseus' absence takes a terrible toll on Penelope.

I've also hinted throughout my fics but I do hc Penelope having post partum depression after Odysseus' departure, to begin with her labour was on the more difficult side, and then right after she nearly loses her son and then loses her husband - to war, where she can't even be certain that he will return. What she has left of Odysseus is Telemachus. That first year of his life I have Telemachus be taken care of by his Grandmothers (with slight involvement from Athena herself too).

Coming back to the subject at hand, I do think Penelope and Telemachus have a co-dependent relationship (I don't like using the word codependency but I cannot find another more accurate medical term at the moment) which is strained by their unsafe environment and lack of communication.

Telemachus steps into this role of a Protector and the Head of the House in Odysseus' absence and it in a way messes with the structure of the house. In the fic itself, how Telemachus refers to Penelope in each and every scene reflects his own emotions about her at that moment (so whether that be Mother, Penelope, Queen Penelope, The Queen). What he refers to as "Mother's Study" is actually the Royal Study, but Odysseus' absence means that to Telemachus it has always been Penelope's - all of this adds up.

I personally think even unknowingly and despite not wanting to, Penelope recognises the safety and protection she gets from having her son around (both politically, but also from the suitors). I refer to it slightly in Time Rejoices when Penelope in the depth of her depression thinks of how Telemachus "abandoned" her and left her to the "mercy" of the Suitors.

Odysseus' return - traumatised as he is, will mess with this survival mode that both Penelope and Telemachus are in (especially with the latter so used to protecting Penelope), I have a few scenes (hence the domestic abuse tag - though it is accidental) where Odysseus hurts Penelope while thrashing about in his nightmares, and that ends up leading into a huge argument between father and son (Telemachus didn't protect her from the hands of the suitors all these years just for her to be hurt by her own husband).

It's incredibly complex, but also definitely fascinating to go into and explore. For 20 years, Penelope is the only parent Telemachus has had, and she is his closest family member (with Ctimene away, Anticleia dead, and Laertes lost in his grief.)

[velvetwyrme]

I think you're poggers

🥺❣️!!!! THANKY ILY

[alexjcrowley]

Did you know Max Verstappen speaks four langauges? Dutch, English, German and FACTS

Hes so blunt, and hes so right.

When are his statements not absolute ✨️slays✨️

[tojiscrack]

ahhh you‘re not going crazy!!!! 😭😭 i did comment that before butttt i wasn’t sure if you were going to see it. i really wanted to show my appreciation regardless so i deleted the comment because i thought it would be weird if i sent it as anonymous message AND the comment… so sorry about that whoopsie😭 (i‘m not impatient i swear i just got shy or something help)

annddd thank you for the long answer, i actually really like to hear your ideas about the story so dw about it being too long!! i‘m already excited and waiting for updates (no pressure though, please take ur time and take care of urself) love u too!!

sorry for the late response ml, been so busy with school work but i’m backkk 😋

NOO DON’T BE SHYYY 😭 i just take a while coming around to comments because i’m so busy with life and school and whatever (can’t really say a social life ‘cause ibr, i don’t have one LMAO) 😗 even if it takes me years, i will ALWAYS respond to any comment or ask or whatever. i don’t put myself on this pedestal where i’m too good for you to respond, i hate authors like that 🫨 they remind me of editors on tiktok/instagram that think they’re celebrities (and even if you were a celebrity, i’d still spit on your shoes #blockout2024)

my long responses are just me getting excited people are invested and actually want to talk to me HAHAHA 😭 thank you sm for not pressuring me into updating (even tho you lowkey have every right to do so). it’s just heart warming when people let you know how much they actually appreciate what you write for them. i get butterflies in my stomach, you have no idea 😩

[sleepyangelkami]

more vi plss!! (and reader is a pillow princess)

SAY IT .vi

𝜗𝜚 WORD COUNT - 1.5K

VI (ARCANE) X FEM!READER

𝜗𝜚 SUMMARY - vi calls you exactly what you are, a pillow princess and in efforts to prove her wrong, you only end up proving her right. but that's fine, because that was all she wanted.

𝜗𝜚 WARNINGS - smut, dom!vi, sub!reader, pillow princess!reader, fingering (r.receiving), praise kink, dumbification, dirty talk, alternate universe, petnames, intended lower case, nothing i write is ever proofread 🩷

it started off as a joke.

a simple joke that left your girlfriends lips. you'd been laying on your stomach across the sitting room sofa, words mindlessly falling from both your lips as you flipped through a magazine. she sat man-spreading across the arm chair, controller in hand. you always said she loved her video games more than you, but she'd always deny.

then you heard it, the joke spewing from her lips with a smirk on her face. "yeah, okay, pillow princess."

instantly, your head snapped up from your magazine. your glittery pen that you'd been circling clothing with dropped from your pretty fingers. "i'm not a pillow princess."

vi seemed to sense your distress. she set the controller down as the game conveniently ended. "well, i'm not saying there's anything wrong with it." she leaned back against the armchair, resting her hands behind her head. "i love that you're a pillow princess, believe me."

you wouldn't believe how many times she'd gotten off just by thinking about it. you were so good for her, so responsive. she hardly had to touch you and you were falling apart. sure, she loved watching your head between her thighs as you whimpered into her but there was nothing more she loved than watching you, hearing you. all of it.

you seemed butt hurt by the joke.

but vi swiftly changed the conversation, noticing the furrow of your brow.

vi knew how sensitive you were, how easily you took everything to heart and she didn't want you over thinking this. and her tactics proved right, by five minutes later you were showing her a pretty top you'd spotted on the coloured pages.

you didn't think much of it at first. in fact, for the next while, you didn't think of it at all.

perhaps you had too much in your head to contain so much information, you told vi that was why you talked so much.

it wasn't until vi had you pinned down against the bed, making out with you, that the moment popped into your head again.

you almost shut it out on accident, then it clicked. vi was kissing you deeply, her hands dragged at your hips, pulling and kneading the skin while you passed heavy breaths through your lips, kissing her back just as hard.

and suddenly, you had this urge to prove her wrong.

vi felt you shift, letting you take the lead.

she felt you turn you both over, you landed in her lap and suddenly, she was the one against the bed. her brows shifted in amusement. "what's this, baby?"

you shifted your hair to one side of your head so it didn't get in the way, you weren't really used to things like this. "jus' trying to prove something." you mumbled before reaching down and kissing her lips.

don't get me wrong, vi loved the feeling of you kissing her, whatever way you sat, laid or stood, on top or not. but she couldn't seem to shake the amusement as your mouth left hers, leaving a trail of kisses against her neck. "this have something to do with that joke i made before?"

your lips stopped momentarily at her neck, eyes gazing up. "'m not a pillow princess."

vi didn't understand why you were so adamant about it.

there was no shame in it. on the contrary, she adored it.

"yeah?" her brow cocked and she was looking at you this way that had you nodding, suddenly unable to speak. "y'sure, sweetheart? cause if i remember correctly..." suddenly, you were being flipped over again, beneath her all over again. "you quite like sitting there all pretty 'n taking it."

you could feel her hands trail down past your waist, kneading your thighs in her hands. "v-vi, 'm trying to―" you were cut off by the breath being caught in your throat.

vi's hand had trailed up your skirt, her fingers dancing over your panties. "you're trying to what, sweet girl?" you felt her fingers rub against your clothed clit. "c'mon, use your words f'me."

"vi!" you whined, feeling her fingers against you. she wasn't being fair, you were supposed to take charge but how could you think about anything when she was touching you like that?

a soft laugh left the girls lips as she pushed your panties aside, fingers gentle against your swollen bud. "love it when you whine like that."

you could only look up at her with your tinted hot cheeks.

she began to press gentle kisses against the nape of your neck, fingers trailing down to your hole, she rounded her fingers against you, collecting the trail of your slick across her digits. she made a fake gasp noise. "'n look how wet you are already." she couldn't help but smirk. "good girl."

two single words that set you off every time.

a gasp left your lips as she slipped her two fingers inside you at once. you suddenly moaned with pleasure.

vi was like a drug. every time she touched you, you found yourself addicted, begging and chasing for her to praise you. you'd do anything to please her but luckily for you, that meant just sitting there and taking it. you truly did wish you could be less 'responsive' but vi wouldn't take it any other way. her favourite thing to do was turn you dumb with her mere fingers, maybe even her strap.

your eyes fluttered shut in pleasure, feeling her fingers pound against your sopping cunt. "please, vi." you moaned out. "please don't stop."

"yeah? wanna be my good girl again, huh?" nudging your face with her nose, littering kisses on your cheek.

you could only whimper out with a nod. vi had this way of making you feel like you were high on magic. you couldn't help but want her in every way.

"then say it, angel." fingers pumping in and out, embarrassing squelching sounds bounced off each wall of the bedroom. "say you're my pillow princess."

she was met with a mere whine of dissatisfaction from you.

she feigned sympathy with a coo. "awh, i know, baby. my poor girl, jus' so mean, aren't I?" but the girl didn't care much for your whining and whimpering, she'd get you to say it before you came. "but you gotta say it, yeah? don't want me to stop do you?"

you pursed your lips closed. "mm-mm. please don't stop." you practically panted out, you could almost feel frustration build in your water line. "nnghh― please, vi!"

"four words." is all she whispered back, her palm grazed against your clit every time her fingers pounded into your entrance. "know you can say it, pretty girl. jus' need me to make you all dumb, don't you, baby?"

a whimper of her name was the only thing that left your lips, eyes screwing shut.

"close, sweetheart? 's now or never, baby. say it or i'll stop."

the feeling was knotting in your stomach, ready to unravel. you didn't want to but you knew better than to cum without following orders.

so you forced the damned sentence to pass your lips. "'m your pillow princess."

and a coo only fell from the magenta haired girl. "awh, know you are, sweet girl. see? my good girl always listens, doesn't she? huh?" vi tended to ask you questions while knuckles deep in your pussy, she knew you couldn't utter a single word. "you jus' need me to make your poor pussy feel all good, don't you?"

a breathless, "uh-huh." was her answer. "'m close!"

"yeah? gonna be good f'me 'n say please?" of course, vi had to make you beg for it.

"please!" you practically squeaked out as your back arched against the bed.

a chuckle left her lips. "you can do better than that."

and you really, definitely could. but vi had made you all dumb, exactly her plan. "please let me cum, vi. please, need it so bad. please." you repeated the word please in little whispers, unable to hold back the knot in your stomach.

"you're such a good girl, 'course you can cum, baby." she felt your spongy walls suddenly tighten around her fingers. "that's it, sweetheart, cum all over vi's fingers, 's a good girl."

vi pumped her fingers in and out of you, letting you ride out your high like she always did until you were squirming away from her.

she leaned against the bed with a self-loving smirk on her face, hardly glancing your way. you laid next to her, chest falling and rising as you panted out breaths. a beat of silence passed until you spoke up. "vi?" turning your head to her.

"yes, my pillow princess?" she teased.

instantly, a frown fell on your face as you crossed your arms over your chest. she wasn't being fair. "i was gonna say something, now i'm not speaking to you."

"oh, come on." she lifted your face by her thumb to make you look at her again. "no pouting or else i'll have to shut you up all over again."

an idea suddenly fell flat on your head.

your pout deepened.

vi only climbed over you with the smuggest of smirks on her face. "you dirty little slut."

main masterlist/vi's masterlist

[fic-girlie]

Can you write something about Joel dealing with pregnant wife!reader who is constantly alternating between "you did this to me!" and "i ain't ever letting you near my pussy again" to horny/clingy/needy touch-starved status

I hate you

Pairing: jackson!Joel Miller x pregnant!wife!reader Summary: Pregnancy makes you push Joel away and pull him close, but he stays patient and loving through it all. Warnings: established relationship, explicit sexual content (+18), teasing, slight pregnancy and breeding kink, slight dirty talk, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, p in v sex, creampie, aftercare, cuddling, soft banter

The air in the house is thick with late-autumn heat and the scent of Joel’s soap from the shower he took half an hour ago—one you didn’t let him enjoy in peace because you’d been glaring at him from the bed like he’d betrayed you in a past life. You’ve been a walking contradiction for weeks now, your belly swollen, heavy and round with the child you made together, and your moods swinging with no warning from one extreme to the next. He doesn’t take it personally. Not really. You’re tired. Hot. Uncomfortable. And still, somehow, want him like your body might burn up if he doesn’t touch you right that second.

Right now, though, you’re glaring again. One hand is pressed dramatically to the top of your bump like a woman scorned. “You did this to me,” you hiss, and Joel’s just standing there in a soft, clinging t-shirt and those pajama pants that make you weak in the knees on a good day. But today’s not good. Today, everything hurts and you can’t get comfortable, and your husband—this smug, devastating, insufferably good man—is just… existing with that sleepy post-shower glow like he isn’t responsible for the fact that you haven’t seen your own feet in weeks.

Joel sighs through his nose and rubs a hand over his jaw. “We’re back to that again, huh?”

“You put this baby in me,” you growl, dramatic as ever, even as your voice warbles and betrays how close you are to tears. “You ruined me, Joel Miller.”

“You didn’t seem so ruined when you were bouncin’ on my cock back then,” he says, not even looking up from folding the towel in his hands. “You were beggin’ for it. So don’t go forgettin’ how loud you were moanin’ my name.”

“Don’t—don’t you talk to me like that.” You squirm on the bed, suddenly very aware of how wet you are just from the sound of his voice, that drawl that slides right through you. You shift your thighs, uselessly trying to ease the ache in your core.

“Darlin’,” he murmurs, and you hate that you melt instantly at the sound of it, soft and gravel-thick from sleep. “You want me to go or you want me to touch you? Gotta pick one.”

You roll onto your side and glare at him some more, but your bottom lip trembles. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“...I’m not lettin’ you near my pussy ever again. Not ever. Not after this.”

And Joel walks over, slow and steady, sinking down to his knees in front of the bed where you lie like a mess of hormones and need. His hand rests over your belly and rubs it with lazy affection. “Sweetheart, you’ve said that four times today. This mornin’ you were grindin’ on my thigh ‘cause you couldn’t fall back to sleep.”

You clench your jaw. “That was different. I was—needy.”

“You’re still needy,” he grins, sliding a hand up your bare thigh, “and I ain’t judgin’. You want your husband to fuck you full when you’re already stuffed with my baby? That’s fine by me. I’ll give you exactly what you need.”

Your head drops back with a moan, fingers curling in the sheets. Joel knows you. Too well. Knows your body like it’s his own, knows how to touch and tease and wreck you when you’re so heavy with him it feels like your whole body is just one long ache. You can’t help it—you reach for him, grab a fistful of his t-shirt and pull him forward like you’ll die if he doesn’t kiss you right now.

And he does. Joel kisses you slow, deep, coaxing your mouth open like he has all the time in the world. His tongue is warm and lazy in your mouth, and when he pulls back, he’s panting lightly and smiling against your jaw. “That what you needed, mama?”

You whimper and pull his hand between your legs. You’re soaked through the soft cotton of your sleep shorts, and when his fingers press there, thick and deliberate, you arch like a woman possessed. “Joel—please.”

He peels your shorts off with care, gentle even as your thighs tremble, even as your hands claw at him, trying to get him closer. The baby shifts inside you, pressing out against your belly, and Joel places a kiss right there, tender as anything, before hooking your legs over his broad shoulders and sinking down like a man starved.

“Oh, fuck,” you groan when his mouth touches you—wet and hot, tongue dragging from your dripping entrance all the way to your clit, slow and sinful. “I swear to God, I hate you—I hate you, Joel—”

But your thighs are tightening around his head and your hands are gripping the headboard like it’s the only thing keeping you grounded. Joel doesn’t rush. He eats you like he’s savoring the taste, moaning low in his throat as his beard drags rough against your thighs. His tongue flicks and licks and circles your clit until your whole body is trembling, your belly tight with more than just the baby, and then—

“I’m gonna come,” you sob, hips jerking, and Joel groans against you.

“Come for me, baby. Just like that. Wanna feel you on my tongue.”

You do. Loud, long, gasping his name like a prayer and a curse all at once. Your body clenches and pulses, and Joel doesn’t stop, doesn’t let you come down. He kisses your thighs, strokes your belly, murmurs how good you taste, how sweet you are, how beautiful you look when you fall apart for him.

And when he finally climbs over you, his pants shoved down just enough for his cock to slide between your thighs, you look up at him with tears in your eyes and whisper, “I want you inside me.”

“You sure?” he asks, even though he’s already lining himself up, guiding the thick head of his cock through your slick folds. “You were just threatenin’ to cut me off for life.”

You whimper, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Don’t care. Just need you. Want you so bad, Joel—please—”

He pushes in slow. Careful. Deep. Your body welcomes him even now, stretching around him, drawing him in. It’s not the frenzied, rough kind of fucking you used to get before the baby. No. This is deep, slow, toe-curling intimacy. Joel holds your hand, kisses your neck, rocks into you like he’s trying to fill every inch of you. You moan and whimper and sob his name like he’s the only thing anchoring you to the earth.

And maybe he is.

“I got you, mama,” he murmurs into your hair. “I know it’s a lot. I know. But I’m right here. Gonna give you everything, always.”

You wrap your legs around his hips, belly pressing against his stomach, and cling to him like he’s the last safe thing in the world. Joel groans low in his throat as you squeeze around him, walls fluttering, thighs trembling. You can’t stop kissing him, licking into his mouth, dragging your nails down his back.

“Fuck, you feel so good, baby,” he pants, rutting into you with just enough pressure to make you cry out. “So tight around me, still takin’ me so good. My girl. My sweet girl.”

You come again with a high-pitched sob, body clenching around him like you never want to let go, and Joel lets himself follow, grinding deep as he spills inside you with a long, broken groan of your name.

Afterward, you’re a mess of sweat and tears and trembling limbs. Joel cleans you up, kisses your belly, kisses you. Holds you as close as your belly will allow. You’re so boneless and sated you can’t even speak—just make tiny contented noises as he pulls the blanket over both of you.

Joel doesn’t rush. He never does, not after. It’s like he knows exactly how raw you feel in the quiet that follows sex now—especially these days, when you’re carrying so much more than just his name. You’re full in every sense of the word. Full of him. Full of this life you made together. Full of nerves and hormones and aches and things you don’t always have the words for.

And Joel… Joel just knows.

He stays inside you for as long as your body allows, thick and warm, breathing deep against your cheek. One of his arms curls beneath your back while the other rests protectively over your swollen belly, palm splayed wide, fingers flexing gently as if to reassure himself the baby’s still safe in there.

“You good, baby?” he murmurs after a while, mouth brushing the shell of your ear. “Still with me?”

Your only answer is a whimper, soft and dazed, and your nails curl against the warm skin of his shoulder. You’re still throbbing—soft, aftershocks fluttering through you like the echo of a wave that’s already crashed. You shift under him slightly and wince, overstimulated and spent and so full of him that it almost aches.

“Too much?” he asks gently, instantly lifting some of his weight off you. But he doesn’t leave. Doesn’t pull away. Just waits, watching your face like it’s the most important thing in the world.

You shake your head, eyes fluttering open lazily. “No. Don’t go. Just…” Your voice is wrecked, rasping, half-broken. “Too perfect. S’too much sometimes.”

Joel smiles, soft and boyish in a way you rarely get to see. He presses his lips to your forehead, lingering there for a moment before whispering, “Ain’t nothin’ too much for you. Not with me.”

And then he’s moving carefully, slow and patient, easing out of you with a groan and a soft apology when you hiss and flinch. His cum leaks out of you immediately, warm and sticky between your thighs, and he groans again—this time lower, rougher, voice thick with something primal as he watches it drip.

“Jesus,” he mutters. “Look at you.”

“Don’t—don’t look at it,” you moan, turning your face into the pillow. “That’s—gross, Joel.”

“Ain’t gross,” he says, wiping you up with the edge of his t-shirt, careful not to touch you too roughly. “It’s mine. That’s my girl. My baby. Can’t help wantin’ to look.”

You groan and swat at him blindly. “You’re disgusting.”

He chuckles, tossing the shirt onto the floor before slipping under the covers beside you. His arms come around you immediately, strong and steady, tugging your back against his chest. You feel every inch of him, bare and warm and still faintly trembling from what you’d just done. His chest is damp, breath still uneven, and you feel the scratch of his beard against your shoulder as he nudges your neckline aside and buries his face in your neck.

“I meant what I said,” he mumbles, voice already thick with post-sex sleep. “You’re still the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

You make a sound—somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “Even like this?”

Joel hums against your skin. “Especially like this. All soft and full and needy for me.” His hand finds your belly again, splayed wide like he’s guarding something precious. “Love knowin’ you want me even now. Love givin’ it to you when you’re so greedy for it.”

“I wasn’t greedy,” you mutter, cheeks burning.

“You were beggin’,” he grins, biting your shoulder lightly. “Said please so pretty. Clung to me like you were gonna break if I didn’t fuck you right.”

Your whole body flushes with heat again. “You’re an asshole.”

Joel just laughs, low and sleepy, one hand drifting from your belly to cup your breast, heavy and sore and extra sensitive. You shiver when his thumb brushes over your nipple. “Still got some fight in you, huh?”

“Barely,” you admit, voice muffled by the pillow.

You feel him smile against your skin again, feel his body relax fully behind you. His leg slides between yours, one of his palms rubbing slow circles into your belly like he’s done every night since you first started showing. It’s intimate in a way you never expected—a rhythm of soft breathing, his heartbeat steady against your back, your body warm and aching and wet from him. The ceiling fan turns lazily above you. The scent of sweat and sex and the tiniest hint of lavender detergent clings to the sheets. Outside, the cicadas drone low and slow.

It’s quiet for a while. You drift in and out, the pleasure of earlier still humming faintly in your nerves. Every now and then, Joel’s hand moves—thumb smoothing over your stomach, fingers brushing under your breast, like he needs to stay connected to you in every possible way.

When he finally speaks again, it’s low and hoarse.

“You really never gonna let me near your pussy again?”

You groan and roll your eyes. “Joel.”

“What?” he says, grinning into your neck. “Just need to know. If I gotta ration the memory of tonight for the rest of my life, I’d like a heads-up.”

You elbow him half-heartedly, but he just laughs, holding you tighter.

“You’re impossible,” you whisper.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, nosing your hair. “But you still let me love you.”

You’re quiet a moment. Then, softly: “Always.”

Joel kisses the back of your shoulder, then the nape of your neck. “Good. ‘Cause I ain’t ever stoppin’.”

[solrburst]

damn right i do — joel miller x reader

request: “can you do smth where f!reader is trying on like new dresses/clothes for joel and he can’t control himself? maybe daddy kink if ur comfortable with that, thank you ❤️”

summary: She spends his money with a smile, and Joel watches like it’s the best damn show in town.

warnings: try on haul but make it horny, joel is rich and reader spends all his money, no cordyceps/alternative universe, light daddy kink, unprotected sex, breeding kink i guess?, reader calling joel good boy (yes i need to warn you all about this bc its so hot i could die), soft aftercare, riding, established relationship, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, oral sex, slight drinking?

author’s note: i loved so much writing this one! also i love this sugar daddy behavior of him k bye

word count: 3,8k

“Alright,” you called from the bedroom, rustling through bags, “don’t fall asleep on me yet, Mr. Miller — I’ve got a lot of damage to reveal.”

Joel was on the couch, one arm tossed over the back, sipping his whiskey like a man trying very hard to look unaffected. But you knew better.

“You’ve been home fifteen minutes and already sound like you robbed a department store.”

You peeked around the doorway, smirking. “Technically, I robbed ten. With your card. So, yeah — you’re welcome.”

He gave you a look — part amused, part wrecked — and set the glass down.

You stepped out a moment later in the first outfit: tight black jeans that hugged your ass in a way you were absolutely doing on purpose, paired with a cropped, off-the-shoulder knit top. Casual. Soft. Still enough to make Joel’s jaw flex.

You did a spin. “We like?”

His eyes dragged over you slowly. “You look like a problem.”

You grinned. “You say that like it’s new information.”

Joel leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “How much was that one?”

“Why?” you said, cocking a brow. “You gonna punish me or praise me?”

He just shook his head, smiling in that way he always did when he thought he had control. “Go show me the rest, brat.”

You blew him a kiss on your way back down the hall. “Coming right up.”

One outfit after another — skirts, silks, tiny little tops that barely counted as clothing — and each one pulled something else out of him. A low curse. The shift of his jaw. That slow push of his tongue against the inside of his cheek when something hit just right.

Then came the slip dress.

Blush pink. No bra. Thin as a breath, cut low and high and everywhere in between. You didn’t walk out in it — you floated, like you knew the exact moment he’d stop pretending.

Joel sat up straighter, hands resting on his knees, eyes locked.

You twirled. “I bought this for your next company event. Think the other investors’ wives will love me?”

His voice dropped an octave. “You wear that out and we’re not makin’ it past the driveway.”

You laughed, tossing your hair over your shoulder. “God, I love being rich and hot.”

Joel stared at you — like you were a dream he was still trying to convince himself was real.

“You love spending my money.”

You walked over, slow and certain, straddled his lap without a word. The dress rode up your thighs, your bare skin brushing against the expensive fabric of his slacks.

“I love earning it,” you said, low, right against his ear.

And Joel?

He didn’t argue.

He just gripped your hips like he needed something to hold on to, dragging you in tight. His voice dropped to a murmur.

“You think you can sweet talk me outta financial responsibility by sittin’ on my lap in that damn dress?”

You gave him that slow, wicked smile. “Baby, if you think this is sweet talk, you haven’t seen the rest of the bags.”

Joel groaned, head tipping back like he was praying for strength — or losing it altogether. Then he leaned in, mouth brushing your jaw, lips barely a breath away.

“You keep lookin’ at me like that,” he murmured, “and I’m not lettin’ you leave this couch.”

You pulled back just as his hands gripped tighter — and slid off his lap with maddening grace, hips swaying as you walked away.

“Ah ah,” you called over your shoulder. “I’m not even halfway through, Miller.”

Joel sat there, hands hovering midair where your thighs had just been.

“Sweetheart—”

You were already halfway down the hall, grinning like sin.

“Sit tight. You’re gonna love the next one.”

He slumped back into the couch, muttering to himself.

“Gonna marry that woman and regret it every minute.”

But the smile on his face said otherwise.

You stepped back into the living room with slower steps this time.

No dramatic entrance.

No teasing banter.

Just you — in black lace and satin, high-cut and barely-there, the kind of Victoria’s Secret set you used to window shop and dream about but never actually buy.

Until Joel started handing over his card like it was his love language.

“Okay,” you said, standing in front of him with your hands on your hips. “This one’s kind of a big deal.”

Joel didn’t respond.

Didn’t blink.

Didn’t even breathe.

His eyes tracked you from head to toe like he wasn’t just looking — he was memorizing.

“I’ve always wanted to buy something like this,” you went on, tilting your head, “but I never had a reason to until now, so—”

“Sweetheart,” he interrupted, voice hoarse, “I ain’t even hearin’ you right now.”

You raised a brow. “Rude.”

“I’m busy,” he muttered, still staring. “You’re standing there lookin’ like a fuckin’ fantasy and expect me to listen?”

You bit your lip to hide your smile.

Joel slowly stood, towering in front of you now, eyes heavy, hands itching to reach but not quite touching.

“You wore this for me?”

You shrugged, like it wasn’t obvious. “Who else would I want to ruin with it?”

He exhaled hard, jaw working.

“Jesus.”

You stepped a little closer, voice soft and smug. “So… you like it?”

Joel finally reached out, fingers brushing the lace at your hips like he couldn’t believe it was real.

“Baby,” he said low, “I’m gonna frame this set when I’m done with it.”

You watched Joel’s fingers flex where they hovered just over your hips — like he was physically restraining himself from grabbing you.

And, of course, you couldn’t let that stand.

You reached up slowly, arms around his neck, your chest brushing his. His eyes dropped like they had no choice in the matter.

“Y’know,” you whispered, voice all sugar and heat, “I was gonna save this one for a special occasion…”

Joel swallowed hard.

You leaned in, lips just brushing his ear. “But then I figured… watching you sit there like a good boy for three straight outfits? That’s a special occasion, right?”

He froze.

Just for a second.

Then his hands snapped to your hips, gripping tight, walking you back until your spine hit the wall with a soft thud.

You gasped, grinning — breath caught, heart racing.

“Baby,” he growled, “you’ve had your fun.”

You opened your mouth to throw something else back — one more smart-ass line.

But he kissed you first.

Hard.

His mouth crashed into yours, all teeth and tongue and heat, his body pressed close, the tension finally shattering between you like glass.

His hands moved fast — over your waist, your ass, up your back, slipping beneath the straps of that delicate lingerie like he couldn’t stand another second of not touching you everywhere.

“You think I’m a good boy now?” he rasped against your mouth, voice wrecked, “Just wait, sweetheart. I’m gonna show you what bein’ bad looks like.”

And from the way he lifted you off the floor like you weighed nothing, carried you to the bedroom with his mouth never leaving your neck — you believed him.

Completely.

Joel guided you toward the mirror like a man on a mission — slow, steady steps, one hand still gripping your hip while the other trailed up your spine, fingers brushing over satin and lace like they were part of your skin.

“Stand right here,” he murmured, voice low and dangerous behind you.

You obeyed, heart pounding.

The reflection staring back at you was something out of a fantasy: black lace clinging to your curves, thin straps hugging your shoulders, skin flushed, chest rising and falling with every shallow breath. And behind you — Joel. Broad. Solid. Hungry. His eyes fixed on you like you were his personal sin.

His hands slid around your waist, pulling you back into the heat of his chest.

“You bought this only for me” he said, voice gritty.

You nodded, lips curling. “You like it?”

Joel’s laugh was low and rough.

“I’m tryin’ real hard not to rip it off you.”

You gasped softly when his hands moved lower — fingers skimming the edge of your panties, teasing over the lace. His mouth pressed hot and open to your neck, sucking gently, just enough to make your knees wobble.

Then he looked up, caught your eyes in the mirror.

“Look at yourself,” he whispered.

You swallowed hard, nodding.

But he wasn’t satisfied.

“Say what you see.”

You hesitated, breath trembling. “I look… good.”

Joel’s voice dropped even lower.

“You look like fuckin’ heaven. And I’m about to ruin you in it.”

One hand slipped between your thighs — slow, steady — and your eyes fluttered, head tilting back against his shoulder as he pressed his fingers right where you needed him.

You moaned — soft, wrecked.

“Joel…”

He growled against your skin. “What do you want, baby?”

You clenched around nothing, breath shaky. “Your fingers…”

He moved them — barely — then paused.

“You want more?”

You nodded quickly, words catching in your throat. Then:

“Please, daddy…”

Joel froze.

Then exhaled a sound that came from somewhere deep in his chest — feral, possessive.

“You say that again,” he warned, “and I’m not stoppin’ till your legs give out.”

You moaned it this time — breathy and wanton — and that was it.

He pushed the lace aside and slid two fingers inside you, deep and slow, while the other hand pressed to your stomach, holding you in place as your body arched.

You could barely stand.

Joel’s fingers moved inside you with slow, relentless pressure, curling deep with every stroke, his palm brushing your clit in just the right rhythm to make your knees tremble.

The hand on your stomach kept you steady — pressed tight to his chest, flushed against his heat — while his mouth whispered filth and reverence into your neck.

“That’s it,” he growled softly. “Just like that. You feel how wet you are for me? You watchin’ yourself fall apart, baby?”

You couldn’t speak. Couldn’t do anything but nod as your eyes fluttered open to meet your own reflection — cheeks flushed, lips parted, lashes damp, your body trembling in his arms.

You looked wrecked.

You looked glorious.

“Good girl,” he murmured, voice low and almost tender. “Come for me. Right here — want you to see how fuckin’ beautiful you are when you let go.”

And you did.

Your breath hitched once, then you fell — the pleasure crashing over you in waves so deep it nearly took your legs out from under you. You gasped his name, voice breaking, one hand reaching behind to grip his thigh as your hips jerked helplessly into his touch.

Joel held you through it all.

Let you fall apart in his arms, against the mirror, in lace and satin and his grip.

He didn’t stop whispering.

“Just like that… fuck, baby… you’re so perfect like this. Mine. All mine.”

When your body finally went still, chest rising and falling, his arms wrapped fully around your waist, pulling you back into him like he needed to keep you whole.

“Breathe, sweetheart,” he whispered against your shoulder, brushing your hair aside. “You did so good.”

You were still shaking — breath shallow, Joel’s arms tight around you — when you turned in his hold, still caught in the aftermath of him tearing you apart.

But there was that look in your eye again. That glint that said you weren’t satisfied yet. Not until he came undone too.

Your fingers tangled in the front of his shirt, yanking him into a kiss that was all teeth and heat, nothing soft about it. His groan hit your mouth just as you pushed him back a step, then another — until his knees hit the edge of the bed and he sat with a heavy thud.

You didn’t wait. Didn’t ask.

You dropped to your knees between his legs, palms already sliding up his thighs, nails scratching just hard enough to make him suck in a breath.

“Let me taste you,” you rasped, voice raw and dark. “I want to see you fall apart.”

Joel let out a rough, almost broken laugh, one hand fisting in your hair. “You’re tryin’ to kill me.”

You looked up, lips parted, eyes locked on his like a challenge. “No. I’m trying to make you lose that goddamn control.”

And the second you leaned in — fingers already working his belt — he cursed under his breath, low and filthy.

“Fuck, baby,” he growled, hips twitching. “You do this now, I’m not gonna last.”

You smirked, mouth ghosting over the hard line of him through his boxers.

“Good,” you whispered. “That’s the point.”

Your mouth wrapped around him, slow and deep, and Joel’s hand gripped your hair tighter, the other fisting the sheets beside him. His hips jerked slightly — completely involuntary — and the sound he let out was more like a growl than a moan.

“Fuck—baby—”

You hummed around him, hollowing your cheeks, dragging your tongue along the underside of him in a way that made his thighs tense under your palms. His control was unraveling — fast — and you loved it.

But just as you slid your mouth down again, ready to finish what you started, Joel’s grip on your hair tightened and pulled you back with a sudden, breathless snap.

Your eyes met his — wild, flushed, dark with heat.

“I’m not comin’ like that,” he growled.

You blinked, breathless, lips swollen. “No?”

His voice was gravel. “Need to be inside you. Now. Ride me.”

That last part wasn’t a request — it was a demand.

And God, you’d never moved faster.

You crawled onto his lap, straddling him, his hands immediately gripping your hips, grounding you against the thick, desperate pressure of him beneath you. You braced yourself on his chest, staring him down, lips parted, just as wrecked.

“Say please,” you whispered.

Joel’s laugh was low, dark.

“Ride me,” he repeated, rougher now. “Or I’ll flip you over and fuck you into the mattress.”

You grinned, dragging your hand down his chest, then reached between your bodies and sank down onto him in one slow, perfect slide.

His head dropped back with a strangled groan. “Fuck.”

Your hips rolled.

And this time?

He let you take control — for now.

You moved over him slowly at first, sinking down until he filled you completely. His hands gripped your thighs, hard enough to bruise, eyes locked on where your bodies met — then trailing up to the black lace stretched tight across your chest.

Joel let out a breathless curse, jaw clenched as he watched you rock your hips.

“Look at you,” he rasped, voice thick. “That fuckin’ lingerie—Jesus. Like it was made just for this. For me.”

You smirked, biting your lip, hands braced against his chest as you set a rhythm — slow, rolling, deep. His head dropped back for a moment, his hands tightening on your waist.

“Goddamn, baby,” he groaned. “You know what you do to me? Ridin’ me like that—like you own it.”

You leaned forward slightly, letting your chest brush his — lace teasing against his skin — and he groaned again, fingertips sliding to your ass to pull you down harder.

“Fuck, I love this body,” he murmured, voice low and reverent. “Your tits—your thighs—this fuckin’ mouth. You’re perfect. You know that?”

You gasped, shivering from the rough praise, your rhythm faltering as he thrust up into you once — sharp and sudden — just to hear you moan.

“Look at you,” he whispered again, one hand slipping up to palm your breast through the lace. “Prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. Bought this for me.”

You nodded, breath caught. “Yeah,” you whispered.

Joel’s thumb swiped over your nipple, his other hand guiding your hips harder, deeper.

“And now you’re gonna come for me wearin’ it. Gonna make a fuckin’ mess in it—show me who you belong to.”

“Yes, Daddy. Fuck—”

Your pace quickened — breathless now, dizzy from how full you felt, how seen you were under him.

And Joel?

He was still watching you like he could die right there and be satisfied.

Your climax hit like a tidal wave, violent and all-consuming, your body arching beneath him as you gasped out his name. Every nerve ending sang with pleasure and raw vulnerability, trembling under his weight.

Joel’s breath hitched, his hips stuttering once, twice — then he spilled inside you, hot and relentless. His fingers curled into the small of your back, steadying you as his body shuddered against yours.

Without breaking contact, he flipped you both over with deliberate strength — now he was the one above, his eyes dark with need. “Fuck, baby girl, you feel so good—so fucking tight,” he growled, sliding two fingers inside you slowly, fucking you to keep every drop inside.

You felt him press closer, every movement a promise: you were his, and he wasn’t letting go.

“Damn, you feel like you’re made for me—made to hold my fuckin’ load.”

“God, Joel…” you gasped, breath catching on a moan. “Don’t stop—fuck, don’t you dare stop…”

He smirked, low and dark. “Yeah? You want more, baby? Want me to stuff you full all over again?”

You nodded, nearly delirious, grinding down against his hand. “Yes—fuck—want it dripping out of me. Want you so deep I feel it for days.”

That made him groan, rough and guttural. He pushed his fingers harder, faster, the wet sounds between your legs obscene.

“You’re so fucking dirty,” he growled, lips brushing your jaw. “Saying shit like that—beggin’ for me to keep it in you.”

His gaze dropped to the delicate lace hugging your curves, the lingerie you’d bought just for him—just to see this moment, to watch him lose his mind.

“Look at you—dressed like you’re made for me,” he growled. “That fucking lace, that tight little fit… you knew exactly how to fuck with me, didn’t you?”

You shivered, trembling beneath his praise, feeling every word like a fire. “Only for you.”

You shattered hard, gasping and trembling, your walls squeezing like you were drowning in raw, burning heat.

“Fuck…” you moaned, voice ragged and dripping with need, desperate for more.

Joel’s grin was dark and hungry. “You’re so fucking wet for me. You come like a filthy little slut—so tight, so perfect, it’s driving me insane.”

“That fucking outfit? Wearing it just to get ruined by me. You’re mine, and I’m gonna make sure everyone knows it.”

Joel’s fingers slammed inside again, curling deep and slow, fucking you with merciless control, dragging you over the edge once more. “Come for me again, baby, I know you can. Show me how hard you belong to me.”

Your legs shook violently, toes curling against the sheets as Joel’s hand clamped around your thigh, forcing it wide open, exposing everything to him — raw, pulsing, drenched. His fingers plunged deep again, dragging a broken sob from your lips as he curled them just right, hitting that spot over and over like he owned it — because he did.

“Fuck, listen to you,” Joel growled, breath hot against your ear as his hips pressed into your side. “This is what you wanted when you put that little thing on, huh?”

“Say it,” he growled against your neck. “Say you’re mine.”

Your voice cracked as the orgasm slammed through you, your scream breaking into a sob as you shattered around him, every muscle locking tight. “I’m yours — fuck — I’m yours, Daddy—!”

Your body was still trembling — muscles boneless, mind hazy — when Joel finally eased away, his touch suddenly gentle, reverent. No more growls, no more brutal commands. Just breathless quiet, his calloused hands sliding slowly over your skin as if he was putting you back together piece by piece.

“You alright, baby?” he whispered, his hand slowly rubbing your stomach, grounding you. “Talk to me.”

Your throat was raw, your voice shaky. “Yeah… yeah, I’m okay. Just… floatin’.”

He chuckled, a soft, warm sound against the back of your neck. “That’s ‘cause you gave me everything, didn’t you?”

His other hand brushed your hair back, fingers running through the tangled strands like he had all the time in the world. He kissed the side of your head this time, slower.

“You did so fuckin’ good for me,” he said. “Took it all. I’m proud of you, sweetheart.”

The words melted into you, sinking deeper than anything else had. That kind of tenderness from Joel — rare, raw, and real — left your eyes stinging.

He must’ve felt the shift in your breath, because his arm tightened around you protectively. “Shhh, I got you. No rush. We’ll stay right here. As long as you need.”

The silence stretched, heavy with safety. You weren’t just ruined — you were held, wrapped in everything he wouldn’t say but made damn sure you felt.

He pressed one more kiss to your temple, murmuring:

“Mine. Not just when I’m takin’ you apart. Even now. Especially now.”

Joel lay behind you, chest to your back, his hand tracing soft, absentminded circles on your thigh beneath the silk sheets. The lights were low — golden, dim — and everything about the moment felt expensive. The bed, the air, the way he held you.

You let out a small sigh, turning just enough to glance at him over your shoulder.

“So,” you murmured, voice still scratchy from earlier, “if I order Louboutins tomorrow, are you gonna be mad or just fuck me harder next time?”

He huffed a low laugh, the kind that rumbled deep in his chest. “You mean the ones with the red satin and ankle straps?” His hand slid a little higher on your thigh. “Saw the tab open on your phone last night, sweetheart. You’re not slick.”

Your smile curled lazy and smug. “You checkin’ my phone now, Miller? That’s cute. Thought you trusted me.”

“I do trust you,” he said, nuzzling into your neck, voice warm and heavy with sleep. “Just don’t trust you to not bankrupt me with skincare products and designer heels.”

You grinned, flipping over fully to face him, the sheets slipping down just enough to tease the line of your collarbone. “You’re rich, Joel. You can afford to have a hot, high-maintenance girlfriend. It’s literally your job.”

Joel looked at you like you hung the goddamn stars.

He brushed a knuckle along your jaw. “It ain’t your face cream or your heels that make you high-maintenance, darlin’. It’s that mouth.”

You rolled your eyes, but your grin deepened. “And you love it.”

“Damn right I do.”

“You know I’d still want you if you weren’t rich, right?” you said quietly, fingers idly playing with the chain around his neck. “Still mouth off. Still ruin your peace.”

Joel let out a soft breath, his expression unreadable for a moment. Then he pressed his forehead to yours.

“I know, baby,” he said. “But I like spoilin’ you. Makes me feel like I’m doin’ somethin’ right. You want somethin’, you get it. No questions. Long as you come home to me wearin’ it — or not wearin’ a damn thing at all.”

You bit your lip, trying to hold back the smile. “You’re so fucking obsessed with me.”

He tilted your chin up and kissed you slow, thorough, like he had all night and a world more time.

“Damn right I am.”

[mallory524]

Oh oh, can I request a sort of alternate ending to the kidnapping headcanons with each of the Thunderbolts where, when they are about to break into the building reader is trapped in, reader appears behind them all bloody and bruised, making them jump and her saying, “Did you guys come to save me? Aww, that’s so sweet, I feel so loved right now!!”

(OMG YES This is sweet and fun I love it)

the thunderbolts come to save you, but you've already handled it yourself

tags- fem!reader, mostly just silly and fluffy, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of blood and fighting and minor injuries, some language

Yelena

Yelena knows that you’re tough, but she doesn’t expect you to be able to get yourself out of this one. The group gets to where you’re being held, and you’re just sitting on the ground, with your back up against the doorway. You look like hell, but you’re free. This is not what Yelena had imagined. She thought she’d have to free you herself and toss you over her shoulder or something. She couldn’t be more happy to see that she was wrong about your state. “Oh, hey, guys! This is awfully sweet of you to all come out here. This is a long ways away from the city,” you say as you manage to get back up on your feet. Yelena looks at you, amazed, and runs up to hug you and kiss your temple. Walker mutters to Ava, “At this point we could’ve just called her an Uber.”

Bucky

Bucky did not want to think about what could be happening to you. He’s seen a lot of pain and hurt in his day, so he knows firsthand how ugly these situations can get. Luckily, it never got as bad as it could’ve, because you actually broke yourself out. Bucky did not expect to find you already fighting off your captors on your own when he arrived with the whole team. Bucky wants to help, of course. He gets one punch in. You thank him, like you haven’t just knocked out every other person on your own. “I was just about to look for where they hid my phone so I could call you to give me a ride home, but it looks like I didn’t even need to call! You guys are the best,” you say, as if you’d just been stranded at the airport. Bucky’s never been so proud.

Ava

The fact that the search for you was dragging on for days was only making Ava’s nerves worse. Leaving you in danger for so long made her feel so horrible, and sometimes she’d wonder if it was possible that you’d escaped on your own. She figured it was too much to hope for, but it made her feel a little better. Besides, it wasn’t too far out of the realm of possibility. She’d imagine finally reaching your location, and the people who were supposed to be guarding you would all be just as clueless about your whereabouts as she was. She never considered that they’d all be unconscious on the ground when she got there. “Ava!!” she hears you yell from behind. She spins around and sees you jogging (with a slight limp) down the hall to reach her. She’s astonished. “Aww you guys! Thanks for coming. That means a lot.” After that remarkably chill response, Ava looks at you like you’ve never been so beautiful and cool in her eyes before, and that’s saying something.

John

John was terrified the whole time you were missing. All day long, he panicked and thought about all the horrible things that could be happening to you at any given moment. He didn't sleep, he didn't eat, he led the whole search, and he was ready to do whatever to took to get to you. You can only imagine his surprise when you run out and cut his destructive rampage short. He keeps standing there and looking at you because this is not computing. You're just standing there with your hands on your hips, your clothes all tattered, with bruises and cuts all over you. You're clearly exhausted, but you manage a little smirk. "Awww, Walker! Were you worried about me?" He just tosses his silly folded shield to the ground and pulls you into a tight hug. "Yeah, yeah, whatever." He doesn't even put up a fight when you reach out to affectionately ruffle his hair or pinch his cheek like a grandma. He's just so happy you're safe.

Alexei

When Alexei gets there and realizes you’ve already broken yourself out, he is so shocked. Then he thinks about it for a moment, and he doesn’t know why he’s even surprised. Of course you solved this on your own! You’re such a badass. You always have been. It’s one of the first things he noticed about you, and it’s what initially drew him to you. He feels like he should’ve had more faith in you, but now’s not the time for that. Now’s the time to celebrate the fact that you’re safe. He lets out a loud, jovial laugh and wraps his arms around you, telling you over and over again how proud he is of you while wiping some blood from your forehead. Somehow, you always manage to surprise him. Everyone is thrilled that you’re back, but Alexei is absolutely beaming with pride and relief for the rest of the night.

Bob

Part of why the team originally didn’t want Bob to go on the rescue mission, besides the Void stuff, was because they didn’t know what kind of state you’d be in. Bob’s very new to this line of work, and they know how much you mean to him, so they thought it might be too much for him to handle if he ended up having to see you seriously hurt. Luckily that didn’t happen. Before they have the chance to break the door down, you walk out from the other side of the building, waving your arms. “Hey! I’m right here!” Bob rushes to hug you, and it’s so tight that all your words are kind of muffled. “Guys I got the whole search party? This is actually really flattering.” Bob pulls away after a while and he’s immediately worried again when he sees the bruising all over you. You make a “You should see the other guy” joke, but everyone knows you’re not kidding. They really don’t want to see the other guy.

[thbbie]

༄ toji x f! reader

mmmhmn toji with out grown hair and week long stubble on his his handsome face because he doesn't usually shave when you arent around. who would he have complement his skin? who would he have to kiss or eat out? what would be the point of it? so when you come back a day earlier then planned and he still hasn't taken the time to clean himself up, he doesn't expect you to pounce on him on sight.

your hands steadying you by holding on to his face, your legs wrapped around his waist and cling to him like a koala to a tree. he can't help but chuckle at your behaviour "miss me?" with a horribly smug grin on his lips. his emerald eyes glinting in your own.

"fhuc- toji,shut your mouth for once please"

"i thought you liked my voi- mmmnph~"

tojis strong hands hold you up against him from where they rest at your butt. still kissing you, he starts towards the direction of the bedroom, you break the kiss, interrupting his path while offering him the alternative situation of him taking you on the floor beneath your feet. your glassy eyes telling him that here is fine, here is perfect.

oh his pretty thing is so needy today.

but he'll indulge you.

he always does.

toji lays down on the floor, dark strands splaying out beneath him, and a smug smirk on his lips. should've thought a little more hair on him would get you acting like a desperate little slut.

"cmere' take a seat beautiful"

he watches your expression shift, his smile only growing wider as you quickly throw aside your clothing, but before you could pull of your panties he intervenes, "your taking too long, keep them on i'll take care of it yea? just cmere pretty thing, sit down."

when you get close enough for him to reach you, he takes your wrist in his hand and guides you to stand over his face, perfect fucking view.

toji hums in approval, letting go of your wrist to hold you by the back of your thighs, pulling you down, just above his waiting face, holding your hips to keep you there.

"here's how this is gonna work, m' just gonna lay back, not gonna hold you, not gonna touch you. i need you to use me to get yourself off alright. show me how bad you want me and i'll see if a desperate thing like yourself deserves my help at all." with that, he releases you hips, "go on, ma. don't keep ol' toji waiting"

oh you don't need to be told twice, he'll run his mouth forever if you don't shut him up. you lower yourself on him, his face fitting against your cunt like two puzzle pieces. his nose snug against your cute clit and his lips pressing at your clothed entrance.

s-shit

rocking your hips against him, back and forth motions as you rub all over his face. "t-tojii, open your mouth. pl- fuckk right there. let me ride your tongue please toji." and who was he to deny a pretty girls polite request? he opens his mouth wide, sticking his tongue out for you.

the minutes drag on, your movements are getting sloppy, youre soo close but the burning in your legs is becoming to much, you can't keep going, "tojitoji please. i'm- ohh~ im close, i n-need your help baby. please."

he'd stayed true to his promise, not touching you, not guiding you, simply laying back and letting you use him for your pleasure and now, as you beg and plead for his help, still toji does nothing. to occupied with enjoying the lovely view and your please that play like music to his ears.

"t-t-tojiii~ pleaseplea- i mmmngh i need you. c-can't cum without you. need y-you to touch me"

you're getting annoyed, your sweet orgasim right there, his face rubbing against your core so deliciously, your hands grasping at his dark hair but you can't go on for any longer.

"tojii!! god, stop being so difficult ill aahhh~ ill do whatever you want, anything, just help m-"

anything, you say?

you don't get a response but tojis hands are back at your hips, pulling you off his face so your hovering again and he can hear your disappointment in the surprised 'toji!' that comes from your lips.

he pays you no mind, instead busing himself with effortlessly tearing off your underwear and pulling you down on his face with force. he's been desperate for a taste of you too, only he had managed to cont himself better up until now.

the torn flimsy fabric hangs pathetically off your his, tojis tongue slips inside you with ease and his nose numbing against your bare clit with every drag of your hips. his hands hold you, controlling the pace and helping you stay up right.

he pushes and pulls yoh over his face, switching between sucking and licking at you, occasionally bitting to get you to tug at his hair harder. he breaks for air once, when he pulls away to spit on your messy pussy and dives straight back in.

in a matter of minutes he makes you cum two times back to back.

when he knows your about to, toji takes your whole cunt in his mouth, drinking every drop from your high he could get, as if trying to suck your pussy dry.

the way he's panting, with his dark brows pulled together in a tight furrow, puffy lips shining with your essence, and his eyes glossy, you'd think he was the one getting the head of his life.

toji guides you to sit on his chest as you both catch your breaths. watching each other, faces flushed and sweaty. you both think at the same time, i'm the luckiest person alive.

bonus!!

you lean back on you hands, still sitting on his chest, a satisfied smile of someone who had their soul eaten through their pussy at your lips.

"tojii♡~ did you cum? just from having little ol' me use your face for a little?

his blush gets impossibly darker, but he doesn't deny your claim. one of your hands slips under the band of his sweat pants to touch him. an uncharacteristic moan is pulled from his throat when you do, fondling his sensitive dick in your hands "awww tojiii~~ you must really like me huh" as if you weren't begging and crying that you couldn't cum without his hands on you.

"shut it brat"

m.list <3

[tsuyalovebot]

watch you entertain.

pairing: xia yi zhou / caleb x reader (love and deepspace)

synopsis: caleb comes to a few conclusions when you give him a blowjob for the first time.

cw: NSFW and explicit sexual content, mdni. established relationship. mentions of intercourse. oral sex (blowjob). mentions of reader receiving oral sex. hair pulling. imaginative violence (not to reader). petnames (pretty, pipsqueak). mention of oral sex (receiving). he slaps his dick on your face (not sorry). mention of spanking and watching porn. caleb-typical warnings.

wc: 1.7k (drabble....ish????)

author's note: i can't defend myself since 90% of this is word vomit. i'm working on another caleb piece right now, but i needed to get this out of my system. think of it as a precursor piece, like an hors d'oeuvres. also, please disregard any typos. (— - —)|||

The first time Caleb felt your lips on his was magical. The second, third, fourth, and succeeding times were all but surreal.

He had all but convinced himself that your mouth, pressed to his in a flurry of tender touches or desirous cravings, was something he conjured up in the blurry moments of his delusions. You always manage to kiss them away, though.

Later on, you admitted that he was your first kiss.

"When I visited you after you moved out," you said. Hands wrung, your gaze averted downward as you were perched on his lap one evening.

He knows what you're talking about. Remembers its vividness with a startling clarity that would have embarrassed him otherwise, if you didn't share the same sentiments.

By now, you've already kissed and made out in the intimacy of his place beyond finite counting. Had sex with him on whatever surface the two of you could get your hands on. You've long since spoiled him with your presence, both physical and mental. There's a key tucked away in his headspace with your name engraved into the metal. Magnetic and the signification of a special place for you in his heart.

He spoiled you, and now, you spoil him. Neither of you complain about this mutually beneficial arrangement. Why would you?

Though, he can't say he's exactly pleased at the current moment.

"That's it, mmm. You're being so sweet today."

He's watching you, as he always is. You're on your knees before him—you insisted, said it added to the atmosphere despite his crows of indignance at the possibility of them bruising—and your mouth impossibly full of his cock.

You're bare before him, towel discarded on the coffee table with your body damp and he's barely presentable in his uniform. Disheveled and pants undone, he wasn't sure if he was exactly living up to the honorable nature of the clothes he donned. He tried to undress, but you'd been pawing at him the second he walked through the doorstep in nothing but one of the towels he bought you, so his resistance was doomed from the start.

His arms spread on the top of the couch, he tilts his head back and sighs slowly. Hot breath escapes him in time with his Adam's apple bobbing, swallowing a heavy moan that threatens to break free. It takes him a few moments before he peers at your kneeling form once more.

One of his hands cups your cheek, the cool leather swiping over your cheekbone and pushing some of your hair back. Rapt attention on you, whispering soft words of, "that's how you do it" and "a biiit wider, pipsqueak— yeah, like that" with so much appreciation in his tone. Because that's what he feels toward you right now; so much appreciation in his heart belongs to you.

Your tongue was doing sinful licks along the underside of his cock's curve, the girth hefty in your two hands, and your eyes stayed closed in a quiet pleasure. It's expertly done, and the creation of human response as you wrap those pretty pink lips around the tip of him and suckle on it, strings of your saliva leaving sticky wefts along the shaft.

Alternating between peppering his length in kisses and taking a couple inches into your mouth, he's fighting for his fucking life trying to not bust a nut. He's sort of ashamed to have dreamt of this moment for years. You would never let him live it down.

As if the deities couldn't get enough of his suffering, his mind had made the fatal mistake of noting the visible difference of the size of him and your hands and your mouth. It gets him going, that stark contrast and how gently you were treating him.

It's a sight reserved for his eyes alone. Something he wants to pocket and immortalize because it's his and only his. That's the only reason for the powerful plethora of emotions boiling over in his gut. Truly, the only reason.

That's what he tells himself as he observes you with a progressively darkening, clinical, dead-eyed stare that you weren't aware of. A little voice in him nagging at his conscience, spitting words of venom that feeds into the slowly, slowly expanding green-eyed monster rising onto its feet.

"I got a question for you, pretty," he says calmly, deceptively so. Making sure to sound as casual as possible, his gloved hand coming to stroke over your damp, silky hair. You really just couldn't wait to please him, immediately pawing at him when he arrived home and you were fresh out the bath.

You murmur something in reply, lips suctioned to his shaft. Those gorgeous eyes, ones that beheld him with such reverence and adoration in round shape flicker up to his. The vibrations and sight hit him like a freight train and he groans, low and deep. He lets the pleasure settle into his bones.

"You have to answer honestly, 'kay?" He croons down at you, assuring. His facial expression had finally relaxed from its initial, contemplative one. You're happy with this, he notes as you eagerly bob your head, careful to remain quiet.

Good. It'll make hearing your voice all the more worth it. When you said he was your first kiss, he was beyond ecstatic.

Hopefully, you can echo the same thing now.

With an easygoing air betraying that of his positively threatening smile, he asks, "Where'd you learn how to do this?"

There's a sick sense of pleasure in watching you process his words a second too lats. Because you're such an open book with him, aren't you? The way your eyes widen and your lips halt, as if your heart stopped even beating. Even if makes his own blackened heart speed up, its thudding resembling a rabbit's stomping.

Your blinks were a linguistic of their own, and he was the expert in unraveling the lexicology of your existence.

You don't answer fast enough. Or, you don't answer at all. Because now, you're staring him like a child chastised for having their hand in a candy jar—where they weren't supposed to be.

Unfortunately for you, that was more than telling for him.

Caleb doesn't speak. The air is several degrees colder now, like the air circulation was suddenlt cut off, and he drinks in the way anticipation tenses your muscles and your uneven breaths smooth over his skin when you pop your lips off his cock. Those sinful lips that he stole away as his were now glistening in a mix of your spittle and his pre-cum.

He could almost forgive you right now. But, you make the crucial mistake of looking away from him.

"Oh?" It's inquisitive—his tone, yet it has the power of a knife being drawn.

The hand on your head loses its comforting, encouraging air and instead becomes a weight.

A threat.

The visual that's formulating in his head isn't a pleasant one. An image of stained glass shards, blurry yet clear in the vision of you on your knees for another guy. The scattered light capturing your mouth wrapped around the faceless stranger, servicing him the same way you're handling Caleb, seeking that same, sickly sweet tang of validation.

Could it have been that Xavier guy he sees on your phone notifications from time to time? Or is it someone closer to you, from your Association? There's a chance someone else from your childhood reached out to you, maybe after his disappearance. Did they hold you in ways he's been craving to hold you for years?

That's not fair, now, is it? He's worn your hairtie around his wrist for years, disregarded countless scribbled love letters from bystanders, based his little trinkets around those apples you love so much, and spoiled you countless times in his misplaced desire for playing the role of your protector. It simply isn't fair that you sought gratification from a source that wasn't him—because for him, it was always you.

Is it too selfish of him to want your everything?

You don't say anything even as your mouth opens and closes. You're either searching for an excuse, weighing the costs of lying to him at the moment, or you're genuinely floundering for words at the sudden blankness in your head.

He hums again, and it's lower than before. Full of thought and contemplation as his amethyst eyes bore holes into your speechless state. It's full of disappointment and he sees the worry creep into your eyes like a leaking faucet.

Threading his gloved fingers into the tresses of your hair, its smooth leather massaging your scalp, his face softens.

"I guess I did say you should be honest, not fast," he murmurs, laughing to himself quietly.

His lips tilt into a boyish sort of grin, and it's so full of mirth and entertainment that it's easy to process as him diffusing the situation. It works like so, and you're soon tilting your head into his palm and seeking his touch.

In the distance, the kettle in the kitchen screeches like an alarm of what's to come.

Disconcertingly relaxed, his smile seems absolutely sarcastic. A bit sharp at the edges.

"I should make it easier to understand. Let me rephrase it, then."

He pulls your hair. It's one harsh motion and it jerks your head up. A gasp torn from your lips as they fall open, the slight sting shooting through your body with an charged breeze.

"Who did you learn this from?"

He's so used to tasting you before fucking; your sex and his tongue are practically best friends in his eyes. It never once occurred to him to have you suck him off.

He should've been suspicious the second you offered to begin with.

The blood drains from your face some more and he relishes the blank yet alert state your eyes reflect. He's sure your mind is in disarray right now. The feeling is mutual, though you're aware of that too, most likely.

"I have a right to know. I always said that you could come to me if you needed help with anything, right?" It's a rhetorical question. You both know that. You're doomed either way.

You make another breathless noise, and he wants to explore your vocality. Now, how would you sound gagging on him?

"Caleb—"

He shushes you softly and you quiet down in an instant.

"I don't need an answer that isn't related to my question, don't you agree?"

Another rhetorical question as he cocks his head, the gesture mocking.

"You're always tellin' me to be honest and share my thoughts with you. I'm bein' honest now. Everything should be mutual, so, answer my question. I might even go easy on you."

You're totally panicking now, aren't you?

His other hand wraps around the base of his cock and he slaps the shaft onto your cheek, then smearing his leaking tip over your glistening lips, a thoughtful smile playing on his own as if he were offering you candy.

"And depending on how you answer, I'm either taking you over my knee while you spell their name out, or you'll be showing me exactly what pornos you've been watching without my knowledge. So, what's it gonna be?"

[ihatethecrowdsyouknowthat]

juno - spencer reid x afab!reader

reader finds out how good spencer is with kids and can't keep the thoughts from pouring in

requested!

genre: fluff, smut wc: 2179 warnings: established relationship, daydreamer!reader, talk of pregnancy, p in v, unprotected sex(duh), brief breeding kink, i love yous, reader has hair?

my first time ever writing smut!!! keep your pitchforks to yourself please!!!

You've known for a long while of your boyfriend's affinity for the young souls out there. Perhaps he was one of them. Perhaps he was just an overgrown one of them. It was something spoken about early on, his love for kids. He mentioned that he's the godfather of his coworker's little boy and how he's always wanted one of his own. A boy or girl, it doesn't matter. As long as he got to raise one with the fatherly love he never quite received.

That was all fine and well to know until you actually got to see Spencer with a child. Babysitting Henry was supposed to be a way of letting JJ and Will have some fun for once. It turned out to be much more confusing. He was sweet, gentle, and spoke in a soft tone that drove you oddly insane. When he started doing card tricks, you thought your heart would explode.

That's why right now you're sitting in the car completely silent. You've never been one to shut up so it's no surprise that he knows something is off. It's not your fault that you're suddenly lost in an alternate reality in which you're in a large house with a small baby. Maybe two. It's not like you wanted to get started right away. Nonetheless, something about the idea was appealing.

"Are you okay?" Spencer asks softly, eyes narrowed.

Technically, yes, you're fine. Too many thoughts but fine.

"Yeah, of course," you hum. "You were really good with Henry today."

A bright smile breaks out on his lips as he lets out a breath that's just barely a laugh. "You think?" his brows furrow, glancing over at you almost nervously.

You nod, shoulders loosening. "I do." While fiddling with your necklace, you add, possibly with too much meaning, "you'll be a really good dad."

His face turns red and he focuses on the road. Before long, the thoughts swarming in that head of his refuse to stay inside and he speaks gently, "is that what you're thinking about?"

A topic you've talked about—your tendency to daydream. It's not a thing you've kept hidden. In fact, it's your favourite pastime. However, it's a little awkward to tell your boyfriend that you're imagining him getting you pregnant.

But you were never a good liar.

"Yeah," you admit, fingers still at the pendant on your chest, eyes watching the passing scenery and streetlights.

"And?"

To that, you're not sure there's any response that doesn't seem insane.

"And what?" you ask cautiously.

After a quick glance in your direction as if he's testing the waters, he clarifies, "are you opposed?"

"To what?"

"Kids."

Oh. Well, no, not in the least. The idea of raising a family with Spencer is thrilling and you believe it's something you do want. You've always liked kids and kids have always liked you but the thought of seriously settling down has never truly crossed your mind. Until now, you suppose.

You shake your head, eyes lingering on his jawline. "No. You know that," you mutter softly.

"I do... but we've never talked about it. Just because you like children doesn't mean you necessarily want them," Spencer says like it's the most simple thing.

"True." The singular word is almost impossible to hear. You add gently, "but, I do."

He nods, turning his head to look at you in a way slightly different than all the other times. You can't quite place it, though. What you do know is that it definitely caused some major butterflies in your stomach. Then again, that happens a lot. But when his right hand moves from the steering wheel to your thigh, you're sure that look meant something. Something good, you think.

You're even more sure when, the moment you get to his apartment, he kisses you deep, lips parting to make way for his tongue. It's not rough at all. Loving, mostly. Like he's ensuring that you know you're cared for. You smile wide, unable to stop the giggle from leaving. Pulling back with an equally lovesick smile, he laughs, "what?"

Hardly a second later, you place another peck to his still grinning lips before answering with a bright, "what's going on?"

His eyebrows raise. "Nothing... I don't know what you mean," he says in easily a whole octave higher than usual. Your eyes narrow as you search his eyes.

You beg dramatically, "tell me."

He sighs then runs his fingers through his hair, unsure if he wants to bring it up. "About what you said... in the car... you meant it?"

"What I said...? About kids?"

Spencer nods. "Yes."

"I meant it, yes." It's spoken hesitantly. You're not positive where this conversation is heading.

"I just... like the thought," he shrugs, leaving you to walk towards the bedroom.

Really confused and a little intrigued, you follow, watching him start to unbutton his cardigan. "The thought?" you hum, crossing your arms in an attempt at nonchalance.

"Of you... pregnant," he mumbles like he doesn't want you to hear, letting the piece of clothing fall to the ground before picking it up to put it in his laundry bin.

He didn't need to say it like that. He could've said the thought of starting a family, of having a child. You're not a profiler but the way he decided to word the sentence makes you think something bigger has been revealed. Freudian slip or intentional, he's not telling you everything that's on his mind.

"Pregnant. Really?" You picture it and, perhaps it's because you'll be the one carrying it, but all you seem to be able to picture is chubby ankles, morning sickness, and mood swings.

Simply, Spencer nods, eyes finally meeting yours. You smile up at him sweetly as his hands come to cup your face. "There's just—I don't know... something appealing about it. About being the one to..."

Now, you get it.

"Oh. Like—oh! So, that's what...?" you babble purely out of shock.

Who knew Spencer Reid had the fantasy of impregnating you floating around in his brain?

His hands drop to your shoulders, squeezing gently. "Does that make you uncomfortable? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—just forget—"

To his surprise, you cut off the soon-to-be-ramble with your lips on his. It takes a second for him to understand what's happening but he does, mouth moving against yours eagerly, his hands sliding up to your face. While smiling, you drag your hand down his neck and to his tie, tugging it loose. Once he clues in to where you want this to go, his fingers slip under your shirt, gripping your waist firmly. The tie comes off, dropping to the floor and, soon enough, your shirt's gone, too.

He takes a few steps to the bed before lowering you onto it carefully. As if handling glass, he glides his hand down your stomach, to the button of your jeans.

"Can these come off?" he pants against your lips.

Nodding desperately, you whisper, "yeah."

With a nod back, Spencer unbuttons the jeans and pulls them down your legs. His palms slide up your thighs as he presses another kiss to your mouth. "Go lay down?" he suggests softly.

You comply immediately, moving up on the bed and laying your head on the pillows to watch him undo his shirt one button at a time. Next, his belt comes off. And then his pants. When he's left in only boxers, he positions himself above you before kissing down your neck. Your back arches and he uses the opportunity to move his fingers to the clasp of your bra.

You aren't at all unfamiliar with his skill but, every time, it continues to catch you off guard how, in a few minutes, you're at his mercy, willing to do anything he asks of you. Then again, when are you not?

He tosses the bra aside to join the rest of the discarded clothes on his bedroom floor. His attention is, of course, then drawn to your chest, one of his hands grabbing at you while the other suddenly starts small circles over your underwear.

"Spencer, I don't need that," you mutter breathily. You don't really want his hand at the moment.

His head lifts from your neck, placing a sweet kiss to your cheek. Spencer asks quietly, "are you sure?"

There isn't much you're capable of doing at the moment so you nod. He takes the answer and hooks both index fingers into the waistband of your panties. His eyes fall directly to the newly revealed area the same way they always do, adoration spilling out of him at the sight of the collecting wetness. A small smile on your face, your hands drift down to take off his boxers.

With the last barriers removed, your lips connect again and his hand moves to line himself up with you. The kiss breaks when he looks down to watch himself push into you, a whimper leaving you and a shaky breath leaving him. He quickly bottoms out and you whine.

Softly, he murmurs, "you okay?"

"Yeah, just," you laugh, "...full."

Spencer breathily chuckles with you, nodding like he's trying to get himself together. "Right."

After a deep breath, his hips start slowly, letting both of you adjust to the feeling of each other again. No matter how many times you do this, you still always need a minute to get used to him. Your breaths come out in gentle pants and occasional whimpers until he speeds up and you can't contain yourself. Desperate moans of pleasure spill from your lips as he moves.

"Doing so good—feels so good," he mumbles, eyes now screwed shut.

"Really, really good," you nod eagerly, voice soft. Your hands paw at his back in search of anything to hold on to.

The sensation is almost too much you think you might burst. Although, when he starts to whimper, that's when you really lose it. The way he sounds and the way his face scrunches up, it's intoxicating. You need more of it.

You cry with want, "harder... please."

Like always, he attempts to give you everything you need and desire. He nods, hips quickening and lewd sounds coming from your bodies. A small gasp leaves you. Your legs wrap around his waist, allowing him to hit your deepest point. It's a feeling you'll never quite get used to. The moment he reaches that spot, it's never long after that it's over.

Letting out a gasp, you clench around him, causing his movements to falter and become more frantic. A breath quickly leaves him before he's asking, "inside, right?"

You whine, "mhm," dangerously close to slipping off that ledge. Your mind brings you to images of you pregnant, his baby growing inside you. This time not so scary. You imagine this moment in a very different time, when his release will signal a new start and not just an end.

His mouth finds your shoulder, pressing careful kisses to the skin. The hand not holding his body weight finds the sensitive point between your legs, eliciting a loud moan from you. Desperately, you cling to him, arms wrapping around him for any more contact. That familiar feeling builds deep in your gut and you whine, finding your eyes rolling back.

It happens quickly, the finish line getting closer and closer until it's gone and you're in another universe of pleasure. Your hips try to escape but Spencer doesn't let that happen. His hand moves from your center to your hip, holding you down with little force. The fog clears just in time to watch him reach that very same ecstasy. Lips parted against your shoulder, he whimpers, movements becoming even sloppier until they slow.

The odd warmth spills from you. His breaths come heavy as he relaxes against you and pats your head—an interesting choice of affection after sex but somehow suitable. When he pulls out, you sigh shakily, watching him go to the bathroom. Before long, he's back with a damp cloth. He opens your legs again, running the fabric over you with a tenderness you couldn't possibly describe.

He joins you after discarding the cloth. An elbow holds him up so he can look at you, looking so perfect, lips swelled and hair splayed delicately over the plush pillows. He's staring. Mind wandering, he pictures a world in which you're rounder and perhaps with a ring on your finger. You're deep into pregnancy, probably grumpy with him but he doesn't care because you're his. Only his, forever.

Again, not today, not now, but someday. When the funds are appropriate and you know it's the right choice. Not that he ever doubted.

Just above a whisper, he says, "so... that doesn't mean I want—"

"I know. I'm glad," you grin, still quite dazed but completely content.

A kiss is pressed to your forehead and he sighs. "I love you."

"I love you," you mutter back.

As previously stated, Spencer Reid is a man that's good with kids. You presume he's even better with you, though.

[flwrstqr]

HONEY, HONEY ⠀ ⟡​⠀ WHEN THEY WANT YOUR ATTENTION ───𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝗇𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍, 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗁𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝗆𝖾 𝗍𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍

𝓲⠀⠀ ⦂ enhypen & fem!rea 𝑖𝑛 8OO fluff one shot head canon 警告 cursing, skinship, petnames, jealousy & click . . ( 𝓲ssue )

다니 ⠀⦂ ⠀this is dedicated to juni & annachu (> <) i know i alternated the title a bit & the prompt... but hope you guys enjoy xoxo. also thank you jenn for help on certain members 💌

LEE HEESEUNG

"baby, don’t you think you’ve talked about that guy enough?” heeseung pouts, arms wrapping around your waist as he buries his face into your neck. “i mean, sure, he helped you with your project, but did he hold your hand while you stressed over it? did he kiss your forehead and tell you you’re the smartest, prettiest person ever? no? exactly.” he leans back, eyes narrowing playfully. “i bet he doesn’t even make you laugh like i do. does he send you good morning texts? compliment your hair? tell you how much he adores you?" he intertwines your fingers, bringing them to his lips with a pout. "face it, angel, no one loves you like i do," he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss against your jaw. "so how about we focus on me now, hmm?"

PARK JAY

jay doesn’t say it—he never does—but you know. you feel it in the way his arm drapes over your shoulders, effortlessly pulling you against his warmth as he scrolls through his phone with his free hand. in the way he tucks your hair behind your ear, fingertips lingering for just a second too long. in the way he exhales softly, setting his phone down as if nothing else in the world matters except you. "let’s go out," he murmurs, voice low, but there’s no second-thinking. an expensive dinner, a shopping trip where he never lets you check the price tags, his hand resting on the small of your back, guiding you through every store. you don’t have to ask, don’t have to wonder—because when jay wants your attention, he gives you all of his first.

SIM JAKE

“baby, look at me,” jake whines, nuzzling into the crook of your neck, arms wrapped tight around your waist like he’s afraid you’ll slip away. “why aren’t you paying attention to me? i’m right here.” his lips graze your skin, warm and teasing, pressing soft kisses along your jaw. “you love me, don’t you? then love me properly,” he pouts, nudging his nose against your cheek, hands roaming your back in slow, lazy circles. when you hum in response, still distracted, he groans dramatically, placing his head onto your lap. “you’re so mean to me,” he sulks, his voice muffled. “just wanna be spoiled by my baby. is that too much to ask?” he lifts his head, eyes big and pleading. “one kiss, and i’ll forgive you.”

PARK SUNGHOON

sunghoon is shamelessly competitive when it comes to you, and it’s honestly hilarious. the moment another guy dares to make you smile, he’s swooping in. “your hair looks really nice today,” some guy says, and before you can even respond, sunghoon’s already cutting in, sliding an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. “nice? angel, you look like you just stepped out of a dream. actually, scratch that—you are the dream.” his voice is smooth, like he’s making sure you don’t even think about entertaining someone else’s compliment. when the other guy laughs, trying again with, “you have a really pretty smile,” sunghoon scoffs, tilting your chin up. “of course she does. it’s the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen, and, by the way, i’m the reason she's smiling.” he smirks, eyes flickering to you, desperate for confirmation. “right, baby?”

KIM SUNOO

sunoo is so dramatic when he wants your attention, and he makes sure you know it. he starts with a loud, exaggerated sigh, arms crossed as he leans against you. when you don’t react fast enough, another sigh—longer, heavier. finally, you glance at him, and there he is, bottom lip jutted out in the deepest pout, eyes wide and pleading. “baby…” he whines, nudging his head against your shoulder. “you’ve been ignoring me for so long.” (it’s been five minutes.) when you try to hold back a laugh, he only pouts harder, leaning in until his face is this close to yours. “don’t you feel bad? look at me,” he insists, tilting his head. “my lips are a bit lonely today.” and oh, he’s expecting it now, tilting his chin up ever so slightly, waiting for you to finally give in and kiss the pout away.

YANG JUNGWON

you barely register the way jungwon tugs at your wrist until you suddenly find yourself pulled onto his lap, his arms circling around your waist with ease. “baby—what are you doing?” you laugh, but he only hums, resting his chin on your shoulder like this is the most natural thing in the world. “you weren’t paying attention to me,” he mumbles, voice laced with the smallest pout.you huff, pretending to be annoyed, but the way your heart races betrays you. “you could’ve just asked, you know,” you murmur, but he shakes his head, squeezing you a little tighter. “this is better,” he grins, tilting his head up to meet your eyes. “now you have no choice but to focus on me.” and when he nuzzles into your neck, you know he’s already won.

NISHIMURA RIKI

“baby, pay attention to me,” riki whines, snatching your phone right out of your hands with that smirk. he holds it high above his head, effortlessly out of reach, and you groan, standing on your tiptoes to grab it. “oh? trying so hard, huh?” he teases, laughing as you struggle. determined, you lunge up, but just like every cliché romcom, your foot slips, and before you know it, you're crashing right into him—chest to chest, his arms instinctively wrapping around you. “woah, princess, if you wanted to be in my arms, you could’ve just asked,” he chuckles. you glare, cheeks burning, but he only tightens his hold, grinning down at you. “you’re cute when you’re flustered,” he muses, finally handing your phone back—only to boop your nose and whisper, “but i’m still the only thing you should be looking at.”

[bluemerakis]

────────── ᝰ bluemerakis ༝༚༝༚ ───

❝ memory foam ❞

─ ۶ৎ ─

pairing ୨୧ soldier boy x fem .ᐟ reader

synopsis ─ soldier boy teaches you how to roll a blunt and then makes you hold it between your lips while he fucks you into insanity. just filth honestly bc this man is filthy and i love it

warnings .ᐟ cussing, light misogyny throughout (i mean,, come on), v light dirty talk, masturbation f receiving, hair-pulling, grinding, edging/overstimulation, spanking, fingering, unprotected sex p in v. i feel like these warnings have y’all opening this fic with a therapist on speed dial. if i forgot anything pls lmk!

word count ~ 7.3k (this was supposed to be a drabble 😀)

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Lithe trails of smoke crept over the horizon of your laptop screen, which called your attention toward Ben’s seated figure at the small, rounded table near the kitchen. You reached to lower your laptop screen an inch—just enough to properly reveal the schemes unravelling beneath your boyfriend’s hunched over frame. You didn’t doubt that he was currently unravelling some recent haul of self-indulgent narcotics because as much as you loved your severely traumatised, addict boyfriend, he didn’t have any other tasteful way to pass time. Well, when he wasn’t ploughing you into the mattress and pummelling your senses into an otherworldly abyss of pleasure, of course.

Ben had slipped into the apartment an hour ago with that dubious, white plastic bag in clutch—no print to identify any luxurious takeaway you’d have killed to plunge into your gurgling stomach. You’d been tempted to ask about it then, but he’d entered with such a thick swathe of broodiness cramping his brows that you’d laid off the interrogation entirely. Though, just by stealing a single glance of the bag in its own, unassuming simplicity, it could have branded itself as some sketchy stash of drugs he’d picked up from one of his regular dealers on the way home.

You honed in on the man of the hour, your unflattering nosiness taking the cake on the mental debate of whether or not you should interfere with Ben’s activities. It was a debate that had never happened to begin with because meddling in anything and everything that he did was practically your brand—no questions asked. You’d once called it a loving obsession, but Ben had called it a hounding cock block on his highs. You’d been quick to rebrand your pestering of him as your own guilty addiction, and he hadn’t had much to say in response to that. He had his addictions, and you had yours—him. Oh, he so must’ve regretted accommodating you into his life.

Your boyfriend’s sharp features were currently kneaded into a focused frown, his head tilted down to where he emptied out the plastic packet onto the table. Your chin perked with sly interest, no further surprise to be unwrapped when you glimpsed a sprawl of paper and herbs. Drugs, as expected, but nothing nearly as hard as his usual indulgences. Your attention flickered up to the blunt currently clutched between his lips—the bane of your existence—before you lowered your focus back down to the table, where his busy hands alternated between segregating the devious mess and popping out his smoking stick to dispel a pull.

You didn’t need to squint hard to confidently label said herbs as weed—once the distinct scent left his lips to shroud the modest apartment and assault your sensitive nose, it was a dead giveaway. You’d never been much of a fan of smoking to begin with, and weed might’ve been the rankest pick of it all, but it’s something you’d gradually grown tolerant of. It’s not like you had much of a say in the matter, anyway, given that your boyfriend had his lips wrapped around a cig almost as often as he had them wrapped around you. It was a relationship that had existed long before yours, so who were you to complain, really?

Besides, this was his apartment, which meant that his guilty pleasures were anything but your business. And you doubted that your complaint would manage a graze of his ears before his cock would plug your lips to shut you the hell up about it. He didn’t much like when you had an attitude about his aforementioned hobbies.

“Ah, shit!” Ben exclaimed angrily around the blunt’s body—a muffled sound that banished smoke from his pursed lips. You watched as he tossed aside the plastic packet, seizing his tempter by the throat as he thudded his palm against the table. “Fuckin’ dickless prick sold me short,” he grumbled to nobody in particular, releasing the blunt for a disgruntled exhale before his lips took to it once more like his next, dire breath.

You plugged your lips at his temper tantrum, throttling a chuckle you knew would be severely misplaced during this fit of his. You couldn’t help it, though. Ben loved to pretend that he was ‘man enough’ to be unbothered by trivial things, but it never took much to get under his skin. The irony was so palpable that you could’ve poked and prodded at it with ridicule. “What’re you doing?” You called to him with an accentuated chirp to your tone—you’re curious, oblivious, not probing.

Ben’s eyes lifted from the table for a second to glance in your direction, where you sat comfortably cushioned against the headboard of his bed. His glare hovered for a few measly seconds, holding no adoration at this particular time. It made you utter a mental damn. At most, he’d give you a wink or a scheming narrowing of his eyes that spoke all sorts of dirty he’d have loved to work you through. But he merely turned back to the task at hand, freeing the blunt from his tightly-wrung lips.

Yeah, women are the moody ones, you remarked mentally. What a chuckle-fest.

The supe gave a hefty exhale, smoke streaming out in a slow gust that told you a somber story of a shit-filled day. His whole demeanour was off-put. A good girlfriend would’ve asked him about it, but a smarter one—like yourself—knew err on the side of caution. You’d long since learned not to pester him about his emotions because, to quote Ben: ‘only pussies hold hands and waste daylight wailin’ about this ‘nd that. Me? I ain’t strokin’ anybody’s cock with some me too bullshit. You gotta act the man and suck it up.’

Yeah, you weren’t going to open that can of worms again.

Without sparing you another glance, Ben jerked his head in your direction. “Get over here,” he demanded distractedly. “It’s ‘bout time I teach ya the hustle o’ this shit.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I’ll leave the lung cancer to you,” you poked light-heartedly, but you shifted your laptop aside to scamper across the mattress regardless. Unfortunately, you were the type to spend any given chance at your boyfriend’s side, and it didn’t matter how trivial the activity was—it was all about the quality time. Ben was overly tolerant of your clinginess, so much so that you almost thought he enjoyed the attention more than you did. But that wasn’t anything he’d ever admit to, were it true to begin with.

You ambled across the open-plan apartment towards his smoke-enveloped figure, and upon reaching the table, you pulled out the chair opposite him to take up his company. All the while, Ben’s attention remained fixed on his concoctions, never once straying from the table to acknowledge that you’d joined him.

“Why would I need to know how to do any of this, anyway? You know I don’t smoke,” you asked once you sat yourself down, hand swivelling through the air to disperse the suffocating haze of the weed, lingering under your nose like an intoxicating fart. You watched his free hand sort the dried and shredded weed into evenly-sized piles with one of your ancient loyalty cards—a card you’d lost a few weeks back. The bastard must’ve nicked it from your purse. And knowing him, he’d probably used it for plenty more than sorting weed.

“No,” he agreed, “but I do. Besides, it’s somethin’ every fine woman such as yourself oughta know. It’s not usually what women waste their time learnin’, but I’m sure I could have ya mastering this shit in no time. You’re a surprisingly quick learner,” he murmured busily, pausing only to secure the blunt between his lips once more.

You didn’t know whether to feel offended at that observation, or to accept it with the knowledge that Ben didn’t usually hand out compliments—even backhanded ones—outside of, well, being inside of you. You dismissed the thought with a flick of your eyes, but soon, you were drawn to his face once more. You could have grown jealous with the amount of time his lips spent wrapped around that paper-wrapped crap, but you’d long since laid off the visuals. He enjoyed your pouting way too much—always finding a way to ridicule you for it.

“Why the sudden insistence that I learn this crap?” You asked.

After a deep pull, Ben retrohaled the smoke off to the side, conscious not to direct it onto your intolerant senses. “Cause it sure hits the spot when your girl can slip you a win after the day’s been a fuckin’ ball-buster,” he mumbled.

“Or,” you countered, head tilting with a pretence of consideration as you watched him sort the piles of weed into small plastic bags. “Here’s a thought—and just humour me, would you? You could make yourself one,” you finished, hands coming forward to fold onto the table as your eyes flickered up to Ben expectantly.

He lifted his head to fix you with peeved eyes, the card’s rim stilling against the last herded pile of weed as his free hand plucked the stick from his lips. “The hell you think I been doin’ all this time?” He challenged pointedly. The blunt’s ignited end pulsed with heat—as if to emphasise his words. “Is it too much to ask that you fix me a goddamn escape after a long fuckin’ day?”

“It is in that tone, Mister,” you scoffed, leaning yourself across the table in an attempt to pluck the blunt from his fingers, but he was quick to catch you at the wrist. Your lip quirked at the force with which he restrained you, your eyes slurring up to his with a heavy, seductive whisk of your lashes.

Ben always caught the intention behind your every act of defiance. He enjoyed it, even, despite the permanent hint of dour in his expression. “Hands off my shit,” he warned, his pretty green eyes drilling into yours to emphasise his point. “Don’t make me fuck the nerve right outta you—you know better.”

You took your lower lip into an amused bite, enjoying the way you so easily seemed to rile him up. Yeah, your boyfriend was a Supe, but it was moments like this that made you feel like you held all the power—and you revelled in it. ‘Nobody controls me’, your ass. You had Ben wrapped around your finger. He knew it, too, he just wouldn’t admit it because what man wants to admit that he’s pussy-whipped? No, he’d rather bathe in denial by fucking you senseless each night, smothering your head into the sheets and coaxing his name from your foul lips so that he felt he had some semblance of control over the way you made him feel.

You succumbed to his possessive grasp, leaning your body further across the table as your head tilted in cheek. “Do I know better?” You absolutely did, and so did he. But part of the fun—part of what made this dynamic between the two of you so riveting, is that you pretended to act stupid, and Ben eagerly indulged it as an opportunity to condescend you and further inflate his toxic ego. And something more.

The supe’s lip quirked in amusement as he glared you down, but the sentiment didn’t reach high enough to mould his eyes into kindness. “Gonna play it like that, hm?” he murmured, bringing the blunt back to his lips before he leaned further into your proximity, his lips brushing against yours with the tease of a kiss. But he didn’t follow through with his unspoken promise. Instead, his lips parted only to huff the smoke directly into your face.

Your nose scrunched at the scent, your free hand lifting from the table to shoo away the smoke. “Ben!” You protested, but his grip on you didn’t budge until the intrusive fog thinned out into the rest of the room. You gave a light cough at being a forced second party to his smoking, and that’s when he finally released your wrist—more like discarded it in a careless toss. You retreated with a huff and sat yourself back down. “Dick!”

“Pussy,” he retorted through a shit-eating smirk, but he quickly came to realise that the amusement was wholly one-sided when he glimpsed your ruffled brows. There were very few times you could have convinced him that his actions weren’t funny. “Ah, come on,” he drawled, attention lowering back to the weed as he suckled on the smoking stick once more. “You know ya love it,” he mumbled.

“Oh, bite me,” you murmured lightly, crossing your arms as you watched him continue his work. You could have chosen to pout a little longer, but you’d have been naive to settle down with somebody like Ben and not expect him to pull a nasty stunt now and again. Besides, you did like him mean. The subtle glow that beamed briefly within the crook of your thighs was testament to that.

“You ever roll a blunt before?” Ben muttered, eyes downturned to where his hands began prepping an irregularly squared piece of paper. The question was sheer stupidity—so much so that you felt the the weight of the frown on your brows as you parted your lips to answer him with far too much eager spunk. But Ben pulled the cancer stick from his lips and interjected without missing a breath.

“Just pullin’ your leg—‘course ya haven’t. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the fuckin’ Mother Reverend of the Church of Holy Smokes.” At that jab, his eyes lifted to yours with a smugness that wound his lips thin.

You gave a dismissive roll of your eyes. “Yeah, yeah,” you hummed, your arms unfolding to rest your hands against the table. “You can keep shitting on me, Benjamin, but let’s not forget just how ancient you are. Once your light’s snuffed out, old man, maybe—just maybe, I’ll consider learning how to smoke, and it’ll be your ashes I probe in that damn ashtray.” Oh, how the roles would reverse.

Ben neglected the piece of paper he’d been gripping and straightened himself from the table. He leaned back into his chair with a gruff chuckle, his gaze raking you over with a light air of amusement. He plucked the blunt from his lips and hovered over the table as he gave a compliant cock of his head—a gesture that said, yeah, I could get behind that.

“Just make sure you put the tray somewhere I can get a good view of your ass,” he retorted with a brisk wink before he pressed the cigar’s inflamed nose into the ashtray loitering beside his hand. “And the tray better not be this ugly fuckin’ thing. Get me somethin’. . . quaint—none o’ this modern day lifeless shit and a half that’s got fuckin’ pussy power or some ball-less, feministic propo shit like that scribbled on the side.”

You narrowed your eyes mischievously. “Only you will demand everything your way even in death,” you chuckled, then you tilted your head inquisitively. “So you’re telling me that if I had to get my breasts casted with clay to make two matching bowls for your ashes, you’d have a problem with that? Is it too modern for you?”

Ben’s brows hoisted up a look of consideration, then his lips pursed with content acceptance. “Baby,” he drawled. “You do that and I’ll be back to fuck you in your dreams every. goddamn. night,” he promised.

“I guess that might help me not to forget you,” you retorted cheekily.

“Damn right,” he mumbled cockily. “Can’t forget a dick as givin’ as this one, anyway—and you’d be kiddin’ yourself otherwise. Little cock-slut like you? You were made to memorise every inch of my dick like a butt-print in a shitty velvet sofa.” He birthed a grin so condescending that it barely left room for you to breathe.

Smug, obscene asshole, you scoffed silently, but you couldn’t deny the truth behind his claim, and you had countless memories to serve as evidence. Ben knew that—it was the singular thing that warranted his sheer audacity to boast. For lack of better words, you flashed him the finger before bundling yourself back up, arms crossed against your chest as a ruffled gesture for him to continue his little project.

He made an amused noise halfway between a grunt and a chuckle before shifting in his seat and guiding his hands back to the concoction before him. “C‘mon, take a look,” he urged, plucking up some of the shredded weed between his fingers and gingerly placing it onto the squared paper. He took a moment to prod along the scattered herbs until a coherent line was formed atop the material. “This right here,” he said, prodding the paper, “s’called rollin’ paper. Gotta wrap it around the weed real nice and tight, like the foreskin of a sexually-abstained father of the church. Or some creakin’, ol’ geezer.”

“So like you, then?” You interjected, and you could’ve sworn you heard the snap of his neck as his eyes darted up to scorn you.

“Callin’ me old when you’re the one who can’t walk after one night in my bed is a li’l comical, don’tcha think?” He retorted, eyes lowering to where he rolled his thumb along the ball of his index finger to dislodge the clinging weed scraps. “Man,” he laughed in disbelief. “You got helluva mouth on ya.”

“Oh, so that’s what it’s called?” You chirped sarcastically, rubbing your lips together as though smearing some chapstick along the edges. You knew it was a stupid, bratty punch to throw, but you thought it worth it if it would coax any sort of reaction from Ben—and it did.

He glanced up at you from beneath hitched brows, pushing out a chuckle so forced, it could’ve starred the backtrack of some poorly made sitcom. But the faux amusement in his expression was dropped in an instant, his chin making an impatient jut in your direction—like the firm finger of a mother’s chide. “Shut the fuck up and pay attention.”

Your eyes widened in mock as you muttered a “yes, sir,” and turned your attention back to the table, your heading craning with far too much curiosity for your liking. Your eyes trailed every whisk and wander of his skilled fingers as he prepped another paper like the last. “Does it matter how much weed’s in a single blunt?”

Cautiously, Ben moved back to the first paper, his lips subconsciously jutting into a focused pout. It was something he did often without a notice, and you couldn’t help but savour the scene with a subtle grin. It was adorable, but for the sake of preserving the clueless tradition, you never said anything about it. You knew he’d find some way to get butt-hurt over you pointing it out, and then you’d be stuck with him forging some permanent, stoic expression to fend off the horrors of being called adorable.

He anchored the topmost corners of the rolling paper with his middle fingers before grabbing the bottom corners between his thumb and index finger, finally folding the square in half. “‘Bout a gram or two’ll do,” he finally replied. “But the paper’s already sized, so it’s just gotta be enough to fit in it. . .” he murmured busily, trailing off as he focused his attention onto carefully lifting the assembly from the table—determined not to spill any of the contents and further rob himself of the stock he’d been sold short on.

“Now,” Ben cleared his throat with utmost enthusiasm, his eyes momentarily lingering on the wrap before they flickered over to you with a scheme glinting in their green depths. Just what the hell was he up to now? “We gotta wet this baby real good, so why don’tcha stick out that tongue o’ yours for me, yeah? Lend an old man a helpin’ hand once in a while.”

He held the makeshift blunt tenderly between his thumbs and index fingers as he presented it in your direction with an annoyingly smug furnish to his handsome features.

Your eyes widened in surprise at his request. “You do it,” you told him through a chuckle, pressing your index finger against his nearest hand to gently nudge the dissembled blunt back in his direction. “You’re the pro of the fucking cancer sticks, so you show me how it’s done. Like you said.”

Ben cocked his head in slight disappointment, a smirk pitching up the corner of his lips as he withdrew the blunt with a light huff. “To think you’re usually all I can do it myself, Ben, I don’t need your help, Ben,” he mocked deeply, which caused your face to contort with a hint of offence.

“I don’t sound like th—“

“Yeah, you do,” he cut you short, the smirk on his lips playing into a full-blown grin as he drank in your affronted pout. “You and your fuckin’ feminist high,” he scoffed, bringing the paper up to his lips. “Now, stuff it and watch, ‘cause I’m only gonna show you once—and I expect ya to nail it off the fuckin’ bat.”

You hitched a brow at his subtle threat. “Or what?” You challenged.

He left that question unanswered—verbally, at least. But he fixed you with an intense glare as his tongue slipped past his lips to drag a slow, accentuated line along the edge of the paper, and you knew that to be answer enough. A promise—and hardly one of a good time when he was calling all the shots with the intent to punish you. Still, you felt your core jolt at that singular gesture, your thighs discreetly pressing together with the memory of that very movement that must’ve become etched into your folds by now. That teasing bastard, getting you all hot and bothered just for the sake of it.

When he reached the end of the jagged material, he drew the line back up one more time before his tongue retreated back to the concealment behind his lips. He lowered the concoction to the table, gaze still trained on you. Then, with a beckoning gesture of his chin, he said, “get over here.”

You obliged silently, quickly—guided by your arousal more than your own will, if you were being honest. Your chair screeched in protest as you pushed yourself up from your seat and slipped around the circumference of the table towards Ben’s seated frame. You’d barely reached his side when he freed a hand to eagerly outstretch and receive you, his large palm snaking along the small of your back to hook around your waist. He pulled you into his lap, legs spread in a wide v to comfortably accommodate your frame onto his.

As you settled yourself onto his lap, you made a point to dramatically shimmy your ass into the crook of his legs, causing him to grunt as you ground yourself against his prominent manhood. His free hand snaked over your thigh to settle at the tender, inner skin with a warning squeeze, his lips coming to press against your ear.

“Careful, baby,” he murmured lowly—a gruff sound that sent a jolt directly to your already-compromised core. And it was hard to ignore your arousal with the added stimulation of his stubbled jaw grating the sensitive skin of your cheek.

You turned your jaw partially, causing his soft lips to trace a seductive line along your cheekbone. “Always am,” you murmured in return, a cheeky grin beaming through as your gaze flickered down to his lips. Those darn lips. A taste you’d never get sick of, despite your tendency to grow bored of things rather quickly. Maybe you were no better than Ben—a shameless addict infatuated with the highs, only, your highs were being fondled by him.

For a moment, Ben entertained your play with a second of silence, and you were almost hopeful to feel his lips snag onto yours, but instead, they retreated from your jaw and left you in a state of hot disappointment.

“Pay attention,” he ordered, removing the hand he’d burrowed at your thigh to frame your jaw firmly. He turned your head forward and downwards, forcing your attention onto the makeshift blunt gripped in his other hand. His thumb trailed to your lips, kneading the tender skin aimlessly before slipping his hand from your jaw entirely. “Stick your tongue out.”

Obediently, you did as told, your tongue slipping through until you felt too ridiculous to go further.

“Atta girl,” he praised, your waist now straddled by both his arms as he held the corners of the makeshift blunt in his fingers and lifted it to your dangling tongue. “Now, I want you to lick it, just like I showed ya—and don’t crap out on showin’ it a good time, yeah?”

You gave a small nod and leaned your head down to meet the paper with your tongue, starting at the left corner. When the tip of your tongue made contact with the sheet, you could feel the cool, lingering trace of Ben’s saliva. It felt so primal, but you knew that he was enjoying every second of it—you lapping up his taste like an eager mutt, so you decided to give him one hell of a show.

You pressed your tongue against the paper more firmly now, and you began to drag a slow, sensual line toward the other corner, making sure to deliver a quick flick over Ben’s waiting thumbnail. He made a hald-amused, half-entertained noise, but waited patiently as you retraced the line back to the starting point.

Pulling back your tongue, you smacked your lips triumphantly. “All wet now,” you said.

“Bet you are,” he chuckled lazily, fingers moving to seal the paper and twist the ends into a reputable blunt. He brought the finished product up to your lips, urging the nozzle between them. “Be a good girl and hold onto that for me.”

You pulled your lips inward to deny the entrance of the blunt, turning your jaw to reject the offer. “No, thanks,” you said, but Ben wasn’t having it.

You felt his hand stroke up the curve of your thigh before forcing way beneath the hem of your shorts and underwear, where his fingers stroked a rough line through your folds. You gasped at the feel of his cool fingers playing at your hot core, and before you could process his foul play, his other hand was quick to push the fresh blunt between your parted lips.

“You talk too fuckin’ much,” he murmured against your ear, delivering a harsh squeeze to your clit. Your lips tightened around the blunt and you moaned into the smoking stick, eyes screwing shut as your head collapsed back into the crook of his neck. He pressed a hasty kiss to your temple, and you knew that it was more of a branding than a gesture of adoration. You were his to cherish, exploit and discard, all at once.

“What, you gonna tell me you didn’t see that comin’?” he chuckled lowly, the mocking sound vibrating against the crown of your head. “Been actin’ the brat this entire time, just hopin’ I’ll shut you the fuck up, huh? Yeah, I heard ya—loud and clear, baby.”

Your lips tightened around the blunt as Ben brutalised the pace of his fingers between your folds, vigorously toying with your clit like it were the worn strings of the guitar he couldn’t seem to master the tuning of. Your lips tightened around the blunt as his finger prodded at just the right spot, an explosion of pleasure slinging your thighs into a weakened and sprawled mess. All control over your body seemed to retreat as you slumped further into his strong frame, which cocooned you like it were your last hope at survival. Oh, you were done for, all right.

“You like that, huh?” Ben cooed into your ear, his free hand sliding beneath your tank to grab ahold of your breasts. He palmed both in a rough, careless motion, then settled on one with a teasing pinch to your nipple. The combined stimulation of his toying at both ends rendered you so speechless that you couldn’t even salvage a coherent moan, so you laid there in complete arrest, succumbing fully to your boyfriend’s mean ministrations. “What, nothin’ to say now? Not even a fuckin’ please or thank you? I know chivalry died when I was buried on ice, but I didn’t think the women had lost their manners, too.”

In all honesty, you could barely comprehend your boyfriend’s words through your numbed haze. Your vision slurred into darkness as your eyes fluttered closed, your saliva beginning to seep into the blunt’s contents as your lips clutched it like a lifeline. Ben released your breast, but the weaving of his fingers down below didn’t stutter. You felt his free fingers graze both your temples in sequence, where his knuckle pushed back the foremost strands of hair that had slipped the keep of your ears. Your heart fluttered an inch at what you thought to be an intimate gesture—which he gifted very few and far between. But knowing the type of man Ben was should have clipped your wings of hope and had you grounded from the get-go.

Suddenly, his hand trailed through your hair and fastened through as many strands as he could collect. Then, with a smooth roll of his wrist, he twined it into a harsh grip, your neck arching at an angle you couldn’t have achieved out of free-will. A weak protest slurred within your throat, which made Ben utter a sound half way between a low laugh and a scoff—the sound so demeaning it flushed your cheeks red. His exploitation hurt—but at the same time, it felt so good, so much so that your body did anything but pull away from his touch.

“Now this is a view I can get behind—you, all pretty and practically fallin’ apart on my fingers,” Ben murmured, his head lowering to your ear so that the sharp button of his nose nuzzled at your temple. “Fuck, I could take you right here, right now,” he continued sultrily. “You want that, sweetheart? Want me to give you exactly what you’ve been cravin’ all fuckin’ day? All you gotta do is ask. Nicely, you know, stroke my cock with your good-doer attitude. That achievable for a brat like you, hm?”

For all the questions asked, you couldn’t offer one damn answer—not with your lips plugged by Ben’s newest fix. You moved a hand to reach for the blunt, eager to pave way for the word that would lay your urges to rest for the night, but the hand he’d buried between your legs were quick to come up and seize your wrist in disapproval. A hot, disgruntled tut from Ben streamlined your ear, but all you could focus on was the sudden barrenness between your legs, a cold neglect left in the wake of his hand.

You weren’t afforded the opportunity to mourn that loss for long before he had both your palms pinned flat onto the table in front of you, the hand in your hair tugging further so that your upper body became suspended within a ruthless game of tug and war. Only, the two contestants—both his hands—were playing for the same team. Ben’s. The advantage was far from yours.

“Dirty stunt,” he hummed almost admirably, his nose tracing your jaw to place a single, devouring kiss over the arch of your neck. You felt the way his lips lapped at your skin in a large motion, like he craved to garner every inch of you in that single touch. He solidified that point with a harsh nibble, the sort that would pucker your skin for a good few minutes, before he brought himself back to your ear. “You don’t get to use your words for this, baby. Your right to an opinion has been worn out for the day, and quite frankly, I’ve had enough of all your fuckin’ chitchat. You wanna get fucked, you’re gonna show me just how much y’want it,” he husked with a dramatic pause, then added in a low murmur, “with your body. Got that?”

With your head practically immobilised by his grip, you echoed a muffled mhm. Your response seemed to be satisfactory enough because he relented his hold—just enough to relieve your pipes so that breathing came with a little more ease.

“Atta girl. It’s gets my dick salutin’ when you’re all obedient,” he praised. His claim was firmly backed by the bulge you felt growing beneath you. It pressed between your thighs like a brash beckoning, and it was enough to cause all the heat that had dissipated between your folds to re-emerge in full force. “Well? The hell you waitin’ for?” He asked in a tone a lot louder—and firmer—this time around.

You pushed out a clueless noise, which made Ben shift a thigh beneath you. Suddenly, the bulk of his leg was hoisted up between your own, the blunt force striking your core at just the right angle that sent a jolt up your body. You gasped a breathless sound into the blunt, your teeth burrowing into the softening paper, and your eyes screwed shut with the pleasure currently coursing your entire being.

“Get that body o’ yours movin’, or we can call it a disappointin’ night,” he instructed. God, you couldn’t come up short after all you’d endured thus far, so instinctually, your hips began to roll against his thigh at a jagged pace, seeking out the only stimulation you could manage in your stilted position. “Yeah, that’s it,” he cooed. “All yours for the takin’, if you’ll hold out long enough to see fuckin’ rainbows. A lot like bein’ on a high, ain’t it? Got my own li’l addict in the makin’.”

He was right. Actually, you thought this felt a whole lot greater than sniffing a line that would simultaneously have you losing your sanity for a few hours. Desperate whimpers began to stew in your chest, polished with so much passion that the sounds felt saturated, almost animated. And Ben, he was devouring every second of it. You couldn’t glimpse enough of his face to say that, but going off of everything you knew about him, and how mean he liked to get with you, you absolutely knew that you were something akin to his own personal heaven right about now. Oh, he’d forsake every personal belief to follow the religion that was you—your undoing.

Almost as though your body had grown frustrated with all the prolonged teasing, your high came on at a rapid pace that made you chest heave in desperation. You felt the arousal bundle into a tightly-knit ball, just yearning to be yanked at by the singular thread that would make it come undone. But the satisfaction was plucked out of reach within seconds when Ben released the grip on your hair to grab at your thigh, forcing your hips to still against his leg. And just like that, the fire within was snuffed out.

Your lips fell loose in exhaustion, the blunt you’d been so loyal to finally making an escape and toppling into your lap. “Ben,” you pushed out frailly, the disappointment heavy on your brows.

“The nerve o’ you,” Ben scoffed, utterly dismissive of your feeble protest. He released your thigh to dip into your lap, and shortly after, he pulled up with the blunt in clutch, wasting no time in pressing it back between your lips. You fumbled with the paper for a few seconds before you finally took it in, but you knew your boyfriend would have something to show for your disobedience. “Yeah, you are a brat,” he said, the hand pinning your wrists suddenly tightening as he pulled your arms to one side, his other hand hooking around your inner thigh.

In one large and effortless motion, he managed to sling you over his lap, releasing your wrists so that you were able to grasp the legs of his chair for support. You clutched the blunt between your lips a little tighter, fighting the villainous pull of gravity, and stifled a moan at the sudden spank that struck the curves of your ass. The aftermath of that contact had your body contracted with a mixture of shock and painful arousal, air blowing from your nostrils like harsh gusts.

“Fuckin’ quiverin’ already?” He chuckled, his large palm smoothing up the fabric of your shorts until you felt every inch of your ass dimple under the cool air of the room. You felt utterly exposed. “Baby, I’m just gettin’ started with you.”

Oh, you were so fucked.

His palm came down for another assault, this time louder than the last. The raw contact echoed through the apartment, narcissistically suffocating the whimper that rattled your chest. Tears began to hoard along the rims of your eyes, but you blinked enough to scatter the moisture. You didn’t need to give him another kick out of this—some lingering stubbornness wouldn’t allow it.

“Fuck, all that noise o’ yours is makin’ me lose count,” Ben scoffed. He rubbed soothing circles over your aching skin, which no doubt glowered an angry red that should have made your boyfriend feel some ounce of sympathy. But then the next words left his mouth, and you knew then that the Supe had no concept of remorse. “Guess I gotta start right at the beginning.”

You braved yourself against the rest of his spanks, your legs drawing together more and more with each touch—not from a place of pain, but from hot, embarrassing enjoyment. The slick within your folds was hard to ignore now, and it seemed to have snagged Ben’s attention because he let up on the harsh punishment, his fingers finding way beneath your shorts and drenched undies. You felt his fingers play at your slick, dragging a line all the way down to your yearning entrance.

“It’s a damn oil slick up in here,” he chuckled, his thumb teasing circles at your hypersensitive clit. “Whaddya say I give her some love, hm?” His finger dipped an inch into your entrance, as if offering a measly taste of his proposal. You rocked your hips back into him as a reply, urgently seeking out the length of his fingers. He gave a low chuckle, and to your shock, actually indulged your plea. Maybe it was your reward for finally playing by his rules.

You weren’t going to fucking question it.

Your back arched by instinct as you felt his fingers prowl into your entrance, your hands clutching the wooden legs of his chair as your eyes rolled into the back of your head. The full force of multiple of his fingers should have coaxed forward some fleeting sense of pain, but you’d been so incredibly aroused for so incredibly long that your entrance welcomed him in like an open-house party. He pumped into you as deep as he could, an appreciative grunt leaving his lips as he revelled in your velvety warmth. His other hand came to wrap around the front of your neck, offering some much needed support as your strength began to collapse with each pump of his fingers.

Your whimpers became more frequent and dishevelled as he picked up the pace, his fingers curling at just the right angle. Every. Fucking. Time. Ben knew how to do the job well—a tactic that had you coming back time and time again, begging for more.

“That’s it, baby, you’re doin’ so good f’me,” he husked out, his own voice slightly abraded by exertion. The subtle breathlessness woven through his words spurred you on even further, making you feel some type of special with the knowledge that he was giving you his all. Just to see you break. Just so that he could put you back together with cherishing kisses.

It only took a few more pumps of his fingers to have your eyes clenching in wait, your lips throttling the blunt as his fingers curled right into your blooming bundle of pleasure. And then he struck it head on, causing an explosion of colour to invade your vision. For a few seconds, you couldn’t comprehend anything beyond your own ragged breaths, your ears ringing with the overwhelming aftermath of your high. You felt your juices trickle from your entrance, and you heard the squelching as Ben slowly retreated from your entrance.

“Holy fuckin’ shit,” he chuckled with a minuscule, congratulatory pat to your ass. “That was one o’ your best runs yet. Think ya can handle one more round?” Ben murmured, releasing your neck to rub a soothing line down your back. You didn’t honestly think you could, and you felt the way every inch of your body ached in an answering protest, but something else tugged your chin into that subtle permission, and then the Supe had you hoisted up in his arms bridal style as he carried you to the bed.

He laid you onto the mattress rather gently, but the caution was instantly discarded as he flipped you over and tugged your hips sky-high. His fingers hooked under the hem of your shorts and undies, and he couldn’t have yanked them over the curves of your ass at a faster pace. Your garments were tossed to some other corner of the room, followed by the rustle of fabric as Ben freed his stoic erection. You heard him huff a breath of relief, and you glanced over your shoulder in time to see him whisk across his shaft with a hasty pump.

You met his eye patiently, making a point to pout around the blunt so that he couldn’t miss the visual image of your dedication to this wretched thing. It made him smirk with satisfaction, a hand coming forward to hook around your pelvis and tug you back an inch. You grunted at the rough yank, turning your head forward as you settled yourself into your folded arms. You felt his tip nestle between your ass before dipping down to glide with ease into your slicked entrance. Both his hands took up firm grip at your pelvis, his large palms fanning across your navel as he pummelled into you with a guttural noise.

“Fuck,” he spat, his length retreating only to return with a force more brutal than a last. His hands shifted across your ass, delivering a hard spank before they slunk up to the small of your back. There, he pushed your stomach into the mattress, and you burrowed further into the material with every possessive thrust of his hips. “You’re just the fuckin’ release I needed after this shitty day—and god, you never disappoint,” he breathed out.

You whimpered in response, pressing your forehead into the sheets as your fingers curled into the bedding. God, this man was overstimulating—he seemed to forget that your frail body was no match for his super-abled one. Or, he simply revelled in that fact. Either way, you were done for.

The blunt’s body quirked against your lips as you practically smothered it against the mattress, but you could hardly be arsed about that now. Ben’s figure came to hover over you, his clothed chest pressing into your back. His hands came up beside your head, frantically searching for yours, and once he found them, his fingers threaded between yours. He held you firmly as he spread your hands out in front of you, trapping you below him as he continued to drive you into the bed. The worn bed frame was creaking so loud that it was almost absurd, and you half expected one of the neighbours to blare a shut the hell up from the top of their lungs. But the only noises to be heard were the gruff moans spewing from Ben’s lips, and your own muffled whining.

The mattress wasn’t anything as fancy as memory foam, but you were sure that by now—with how brutalised Ben’s pace within you was—that the mattress would never forget. You supposed you both had that in common.

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a/n — i’m not gonna lie, i was starting to think this piece would NEVER see the light of day good gawd i think i have commitment issues. anyhoo, if you are a pro at making blunts, mind your business! 😭 i did a quick google search and rolled with it (pun unintended), so if something’s inaccurate you can blame google pls and ty LMAO. i’m just a non smoker girly trying to bring the drug-addled fantasies of loving soldier boy to life, as best as i possibly and very limitedly can. if this fic traumatised you im sorry (also you’re welcome). y’all know the drill, it’s 2 am—if there are typos; no there’s not.

this fic now has a complementary c.ai bot .ᐟ

thank you for reading! all likes, comments & reblogs are deeply appreciated ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི

tags — @gibson-g1rl @fallbhind @bohemianblasphemy @figthoughts

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