#also. this isn’t to say she isn’t also sexually objectified

[tapestryoftrauma]

give us your trans!grace thoughts pls i beg

WELL— how can I say no to that ???

But before I get into the transness and queer nature of Grace's gender, I gotta elaborate on the basics (we’re taking the long road here BUT TAKE MY HAND WE’LL GET THERE I PROMISE KSDHFJ)

It cannot be overstated that Grace’s gender as a teenage girl is quite inherent to her character, at least in how I interpret her. The way she was raised, her relationship with God and religion as a whole, her relationship to her family, her understanding of sex and sexuality, the way people (especially men, like Max or Kyle) treat her. It’s all tied back to the fact she's perceived as (and in canon identifies as) a teenage girl.

In fact, if we take the colour scheme of her general outfits (disregarding the green turtleneck sweater from Perky’s Buds, just for the ease of analysis here, but I have THOUGHTS about the turtleneck that tie more into Grace’s sexuality—) the major colours are pink and blue. Of course these colors have various meanings (including very trans meanings, WE’LL GET THERE) but let's start with basics. Pink and blue = girl and boy, as shown by the shirt division in AC. Push it further, her outfit in NPMD is baby pink and blue—which to me highlights her innocence, or expected innocence as that sexless, pure, deeply religious teenage girl everyone wants her to be.

But Grace is not that girl. She’s not the kind of girl that can sit and be quiet, because Grace Chasity is loud and abrasive and annoying to most who know her. She’s also not the kind of girl who can repress her sexual desires and wait until marriage. Grace isn’t soft and demure—she is quick to jump to rage, to violence, and she is desperate for the power that she’s been denied her whole life. Denied because she is a girl — a future wife, a future mother, a woman of church. Objectified and repressed and Grace clearly cannot stand being what her community deems to be a ‘girl.’

Okay now let's get into the trans shit BABYYY

(Disclaimer – I am trans, but my own experience does not encompass the trans experience as a whole nor am I willing to speak from any sort of authority beyond my own gender-fuckery. And for the sake of brevity, and because this is a tumblr post and already getting long, I’ll resist sourcing and quoting feminist and gender theory. For now)

I imagine, when approaching Grace from a trans or gender queer perspective, her own image of herself would be something like this. Grace is a girl because that’s what she’s always been—but maybe, if given the tools and the space and the time to think about it—she might come to conclusions. I think maybe Grace doesn’t necessarily identify heavily with either side of the specturm, but neither side is especially repulsive either. In a way, Grace is just Grace. I think at her healthiest someone would ask what her gender is and she’d say “Grace.”

Because she does enjoy wearing pretty dresses at church, and loves the pink in her wardrobe, and even adores the clips that her mom puts in her hair. But, I also think that’s not all Grace enjoys. (Heavily going off my fics here, I have a fic where Grace begins to dabble in drag) Maybe Grace likes drawing a fake beard on her face—because does she love Jesus or does she envy Jesus in a gender way? Maybe dressing up as Jesus is euphoric and enlightening and allows her to tough on masculinity in a way she never has before.

And pronouns ? Let’s talk about pronouns. I’ve joked before about Grace’s introduction to the concept of neopronouns by a joke the nerds make about “He/Him” pronouns for god being neopronouns. And I think Grace would really fuck with the idea of neoprounouns—of just getting to choose. To make a choice is to have power, and oh does Grace crave power—especially about her own body, about her identity, about who she is. I could honestly see Grace using any combination of pronouns. Any, neo, a mix, hell maybe she just goes by Grace and GOOD FOR HER !!

I also promised colour theory in the trans way – so lets touch on that. You cannot show me a character who is constantly dressed in a light pink and a light blue in ALL her outfits (except one, shhhh) and not expect me to point at her and nod my head going “yes trans.” Like COME ON? Purposeful? Highly unlikely, BUT… The colours in the trans flag DO come from the gender assigned to those two colours—and I don’t think it's unlikely that the colour scheme was picked for that reason instead.

ANYWAYYY. Those have been some of my thoughts on Trans!Grace Chasity that I have touched on a little in a fic (you can find that here if you’re interested but no pressure) and I really plan on touching on it again at some time. Thank you for the ask anon !!!

[wndaswife]

is it the lesbian experience to constantly have your desire for women be compared to how men desire women. these are the days where i wish desperately to have lesbian friends because im so annoyed having both my straight male friends and my gay friend compare me to how one of my friend’s boyfriends keeps sexualizing his girlfriend

like why tf am i in it now

moreover why can desire for women only be seen in this specific way

it’s so fucking annoying also when ur talking to someone who watches so much porn and also is gay so he cannot see attraction to women in any other way but how porn depicts it so he ends up being just a tiny bit misogynistic

like tell me why this man once showed me a video of this woman who was very obviously pandering to a porn-rotted brain male audience and when i said i wasn’t attracted to it and tried to explain my type he made a joke saying i was into kids…. like i understand it was a joke but he has also said out of disapproval of one of our friends’ boyfriends that he only likes her because she’s a porn category

i don’t really want to rant about gender dynamics and power right now it’s a can of worms but it’s sometimes so lonely being a lesbian because it’s so hard for people to even comprehend desire and interest in women that isn’t sexualized or objectifying

i hate having my love and admiration for women be compared to the only way people can understand interest in women, which is wanting to sexualize them and see them as objects, which is problematic in more than one way

[bunabyte]

Apparently my mom doesn’t like polyamory.

She gave me a ton of bullshit reasons as to why a while ago now, and it really boils down to her having a very surface-level understanding of romantic and sexual relationships despite being bi and having 45 years of life experience, basically leading her to say that someone “can’t truly love more than one person at once” or something along those lines.

She also has a lot of weird ideas about how every polycule (except she doesn’t even know the word “polycule”, that’s how long she’s been out of this shit) is either one man and a harem of women, or all men and one women who they objectify and abuse for whatever reason. In fact, she always seems to fall back on this bullshit gender essentialism rhetoric that would probably have some basis in reality for someone with as much life experience as her or her husband, but that doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things, especially in current times.

She sees monogamy as a virtue for bi people like herself and outright admitted once that my stepdad (her husband) would only want to be in a relationship with a strictly monogamous bisexual, which she’s “fortunate” enough to be.

So much for that thing everyone says about how older queer people are apparently so good at respecting marginalised people.

Fuck liberals, fuck puritans, fuck this sort of reactionary behaviour, and fuck anyone who isn’t willing to grow or change. Good night.

[vesemirsexual]

Just thinking about how much the “ witcher gamer” community would HATE Ciri if there was a game with a book accurate version of her, she’s queer, shes fierce, wild and arrogant but becomes ruthless and a murder gremlin due to all her trauma, shes not traditionally attractive, has a huge disfiguring scar on her face

And she is the main character, even if she’s not the player character the entire narrative revolves around her

Oh yeah, it’s a thing on Reddit/FB groups where people often ask if Ciri is “sociopathic”/“psychopathic” or surprised that they find her very unlikable after reading the books, which is always kind of funny to me.

Throughout the series there’s a definite theme of girls/young women who experience a severe trauma and then fall into a hateful cycle, and only sometimes having a redemptive moment of realisation that they’re perpetuating the same cycle that enacted violence of them. I also think that this sometimes makes people extremely uncomfortable, because they really do fall far while in this cycle - Falka!Ciri is vicious and filled with hate and enraged. She’s traumatised, lost her childhood and has become a product of the awful things happening to and around her.

Even past that point in her story, people tend to give feedback that she’s bratty or overconfident or annoying and honestly. The entire series is from the ages of about 8-17 (I may be off by a few years here btw!!) for Ciri. Her entire formative years are marked by horrible and traumatising events. I think a lot of people fall into the idea of “good victims” - people who go through trauma and come out kind and sweet and helpful and that their experiences made them ultimately a better person. Which realistically…is not the case for most people.

I’ve also seen Reddit argue a lot that Ciri isn’t actually a bisexual/queer woman, based on the fact that her relationship with Mistle is abusive and often reads like Stockholm Syndrome. I don’t think Sapkowski has ever officially labelled her sexuality and has left it open to interpretation. For me, this feeds back into the points earlier: Ciri is heavily traumatised and she’s also extremely young when all of this is happening, so I can somewhat agree that a definitive read on her sexuality could be hard. However, despite the fact their relationship is extremely fucked up, Ciri does clearly develop feelings for Mistle, and actively mourns her as a lover and partner. Regardless of the start of that relationship, I think it’s naive to say that Ciri didn’t have very real feelings for her?

Also yeah, I can’t ever see Ciri being what is considered “traditionally” attractive. The scar across her face repeatedly is linked to being a giant ugly symbol of the loss of her innocence and childhood, and considering the timeline of care it receives, I don’t ever see it being a small thing even as she gets older. She also spends again, a considerable amount of her youth on the run, under extreme stress and in undesirable conditions, which isn’t exactly conducive to what most people consider attractiveness. Additionally, considering how she’s reduced repeatedly to a sexual object and objectified, I really can’t see Ciri running around with her chest out as per games.

Ciri is honestly such a fascinating and complex character and I do think it’s sad that you can’t really get all of that from the games due to the perspective + difficulties in portraying that through the given platform. I do always hope that more people read the books for Ciri alone, because I’m always excited for content that fleshes her out with that level of development ❤️

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

i wish ppl would stop saying “terfs see non transfems as allies!” no they see them as easy grooming victims. and unfortunately often that’s in the sexual sense- underage trans people have their bodies fetishised, and the amount of terfs i've seen openly wishing to sexually assault trans people who aren’t trans feminine is astonishing, along with a whole lot of “they should be raped and impregnated to fuck the mental illness out of them.” and even when it’s not literal terfs do not wish to Help non transfem people. they do not see them as people, they see them as objects to protect, infantilise and dehumanise. their “allyship” would entail them controlling and dehumanising trans people and treating them like disobedient children at best and again- i have seen multiple terfs fetishise sexually assaulting trans men.

like the violent extermination rhetoric is less prevalent and the violent transmisogyny of terfs should never be erased but if you think infantilisation at best and unwilling sexualisation at worst is actively welcoming trans people then you genuinely haven’t read enough on how terfs see non transfem people. wanting to groom people into a toxic ideology, control them until you “fix” a fundamental part of them, and in an unfortunate amount of cases wishing to force sexual acts upon them to “prove” they’re really cis is not seeking alliance it’s seeking a vulnerable population to prey upon. especially neurodivergent trans people erasing the forced infantilisation of neurodivergent trans people who are not transfem is not in fact very helpful the intersection between transphobia and ableism is massive and discussing it should not be seen as opposition to talking about transmisogyny and anyone who uses it to claim transmisogyny isn’t real is an asshole but reducing neurodivergent trans people being objectified and treated like stupid babies who should never be allowed bodily autonomy as “wanting allyship” is also shitty like did you actually read jkrs ableism if you think she wants to “protect” anyone you didn’t she sees us autistic folks as- well, she's not far gone enough to say the r slur, but she clearly wants to, and thinks we all are too incompetent to know ourselves. like. bro.

[kannra21]

I don’t understand why anime men can be drawn looking handsome while also looking normal and wearing normal clothes, but sososo often, anime women are drawn looking like their tits are going to pop out of their bras and/or they wear provocative outfits.

Do men (or male artists anyway) not care if a woman is beautiful if she isn’t being revealing? Do her facial features, the way she carries herself, her hair, etc. not matter so long as she’s not trying to act like a seductress?

From my own experience with men I can only say one thing- they are liars. Or at least they like lying to themselves.

They will oftentimes say that they don't like women who reveal feminine features, but they do. Men like women and they like objectifying them. Bc if men are straight, logically, they're attracted to women. Bc woman's body is pretty and not just in a sexual sense. Sometimes it's just pretty for looking at; like art, nude modeling and act. Worshipped even. Woman's body is prettier than man's body in so many ways. But I think this beauty shouldn't be so heavily sexualized like it's often the case in the east. Japan has so much explicit content that they even have categorized shops at every corner, in public spaces. I don't know how Japanese women feel about this but statistics show that their birth rate is slowly declining. Besides poor economic situation, women don't feel respected or loved enough. And the feminism has risen in this part of the world as well.

Anyways, back to the point- I respect Gege for keeping his characters neat and the story heavily plot oriented without much fanservice (men are the fanservice lol). Gege also says that his parents are reading the manga so I suppose he doesn't rly want to feel like a disgrace lmao. I'm not sure if this was his marketing strategy to interest women into shōnen genre but it definitely worked, now jjk has become one of the most popular series of all time. And it's ok to have Mei Mei as one token representative of a "sexy woman" stereotype although I wouldn't rly call her sexy either. She's just a beautiful woman.

What definitely helps the whole situation is Gege's taste in fashion. No male mangaka that I know ever paid attention to this one very important factor. Fashion is a type of expression, and it can tell a lot about the character themselves without incorporating their personality in words. With that said, jjk women have so much personality to them, it's fascinating.

Mei Mei and Mai could be considered sexy, Utahime is a traditional authoritative beauty, Nobara is very stylish and confident, Maki is a strong tomboy girl, Miwa and Momo are girly and cute, Ozawa is a shy girl, Shoko is your typical CEO woman, Yuki is a biker girl. And some of them have short or tied up hair which is nice bc it can be just as feminine as long hair. He even introduced women's insecurities like Ozawa being overweight and that Yuuji didn't mind bc he found her writing and table manners pretty. Momo's outlook on woman's prejudice in jujutsu world is also something important to adress. Yuuta is shown kissing Rika bc what they're having is true love and true love doesn't know shallow boundaries. Gege understands woman's struggle.

In an interview, Gege revealed that he has similar mindset to Megumi and that he doesn't want to sexualize women as much. The way he treats woman body is purely artistic. At least watching these panels didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all.

Regarding Mei Mei's and Ui Ui's relationship, yea it's a taboo. But I think that author didn't want to promote incest, rather, he wanted to show that Mei Mei is a woman with flaws. And flaws are something that makes a person interesting, together with their virtues. She also likes money. To the point that Gojo made fun of her by flipping a coin to summon her bc apparently, Mei Mei lacks self-respect.

In contrast to her, Utahime respects herself too much. That's why she's often hysterical and Gojo tells her that hysterics won't win men (Gojo is a real mansplainer huh).

Gojo is rude and so is Sukuna. But Miwa and Yorozu don't even notice a man's flaw if they're interested in him (Gege knows a woman's mind too well, which is funny). That's why he's asking ladies to vote for Nanami instead of Gojo in popularity poll (women should set aside shallow interests and concentrate on person's kind soul).

Unlike them, Shoko is aloof and rational bc she's too aware of fleetingness of life, especially in her line of work as a doctor. Sure, she can be friendly and smile a lot, but she doesn't want to form any strong relationships with anyone. This is the only way she can keep her sanity in check. After all, jujutsu is just a marathon where the finish line is a pile of friends' corpses. Something the younger generations are a bit immature to understand.

Nobara is a very stubborn girl, she sometimes comes off as too bossy or rude (Yuuji calls her a bitch lol). But it turns out this was only her defense mechanism with people she's unfamiliar with bc she didn't want to be underestimated for being a country girl of limited thoughts and experience. Bc Nobara is indeed a great girl with many talents.

Maki is a strong, independent woman but this doesn't mean that she refuses help and support from people around her. She likes guys who are stronger than her (and Yuuta comes into picture, besides, he also suggested that he wants to crush Zenin clan together which explains her liking to him). Panda noticed that and wanted to play a wingman. Although his boobs question (Maki's insecurity) was a bit inappropriate (but it got the point across), Yuuta's answer was very polite which made him more likeable in her eyes.

Yuki and Todo are similar bc they're nosy, they enjoy exploring different people's interests and judge them whether they're considered "a person of culture" (which adds to the series' comedic aspect). I love Haibara's answer bc he says "I like women who eat a lot" bc he knows that women who eat are happy and that a hungry woman is an angry woman.

Gege understands women so much that fans are contemplating whether Gege is actually a woman himself or not. It's nice to have a mangaka who's this mindful.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Is it just me or am i the only one who takes things she says with a grain of salt? I don't want to dismiss her or anything but unless she specifically mentions him, for me this is part of her exaggerated online persona, probably mixed with a bit of truth in it. Cause let's be real, that's the same person who called Evan her rich boyfriend, who filmed him in sexual poses, "i should 100% get pregnant" and these were not reposts, these were words coming out of her mouth while she was with him. Even if exaggerated, I do think she was seein him in an objectified way to a certain extent. I firmly believe that Evan has his own set of issues too, like significant issues, which i dont want to unpack right now but she was definitely not the wallflower she now portrays herself to be. Sure you could argue that she was immature back then and that her values have changed and that might be true. However she wasn't a teen or barelely legal she was 23, and everything she did or posted or the way she acted was her own decision and her responsibility as an adult at the time. So, by all means.... the Lolita thing is laughable. Also, didn't she also repost stuff about feelinging like no one was on her side when she was dealing with the internet hate? And that, yes I can totally understand if that was traumatizing for her. Having your boyfriend not come to social media to defend you or stop the hate must have been an isolating experience. But i think it can be traumatic for normies to be dating celebrities in general. Not just because of the hate but because of the sudden exposure, as well as the sudden downfall if they leave and you suddenly dissolve back to the unknown and being irrelevant, monetary hopes being crushed etc. I mean everything changes, which i'm sure was also a big part. I believe that gaining and losing all that that comes with dating a celebrity so suddenly was an out of the ordinary, and in hindsight possibly traumatic experience. And that's completely understandable and her feelings in that are valid.

thank you anon, i think this is an appropriate and fair take. 🙏🏼 it was an abnormal situation for a “normal” person to be in, dating a celebrity, having to deal with their fanbase, having to deal with the loss of all the trappings of dating a wealthy actor, etc. and in a public way, with people harassing and spreading hate about you. did fran act inflammatory online? yes. did she deserve the treatment she got from “fans”? absolutely not. but she is someone whose words i take with a grain of salt because she frequently posts exaggerated, offensive and hyperbolic things that i highly doubt even reflect the personality she has offline.

beyond that, it’s crazy i even have to say this, but what isn’t appropriate is anyone trying to make assumptions about someone’s character based on social media reposts. i’m not doing that, sorry. and i’m not entertaining it. abuse, manipulation.. fucking lolita references 😭 no ma’am. you’re not about to come on here and act like anyone anywhere should be judging evan or literally anyone because their ex made tiktok reposts that could possibly be about them. if for some reason you think that’s appropriate, i don’t think this is the blog for you. this is a level of chronically online that even i cannot get with.

[midnightsslut]

I don’t know how to say this in a way that isn’t sexist, but Taylor did not dress like other 19 year olds (college students) in the US when she was 19. She famously never showed her bellybutton and kept her chest fairly covered. Even the short skirts with the slight midriffs from the 1989 era still felt very conservative compared to some of the other popular styles of the time. But I also think she was preyed on and criticized so much she didn’t want to add to that fuel. But, I’m also not a huge fan of Taylor’s style (her stylist is an enemy of mine) (I’m a bit of a fashion snob).

Sydney Sweeney is a fascinating comparison to make because I feel like she often misses on red carpets because her stylist struggles with dressing her in a way that doesn’t feel too old (aka being taken seriously) while still feeling trendy and fresh.

I actually looove taylor’s style (unpopular opinion in the fandom, I guess). I think it’s extremely flattering, and everyone i know irl says she dresses great. i know people wan avant garde looks from her, but that’s just not who she is, and i personally admire her refusal to try to be anyone else (especially as someone who changed her image so many times over the years). stylists are a touchy subject tbh.

I would say the 1989 era stuff wasn’t too conservative, but it looked like that on her for a variety of reasons. it’s just the image she built for a long time. even when she acts sexual now, it’s never as overt as some of her artists who make it the centerpoint of their image. the good girl reputation was very necessary in the late 00s considering the cultural climate at the time, though. there’s one interview from 2009 where she says she has people on her team who tell her when a skirt is too short, and she appreciates the feedback. that’s not common for a nineteen-year-old, but it’s the route she chose, and it probably benefited her in the long run.

sydney’s sex appeal can never be divorced from anything she does, and that makes it difficult to style her, because you have to toe the line between playing into that and still making sure she doesn’t get objectified so much that it turns into a hate train. it’s a very sad reality of the space she occupies in the industry.

[andyxcds]

okay 🫡

tw: for discussion of SA

mary’s treatment in so many marauders fics is just str8 up dreadful, even in several popular fics. she’s usually objectified which, as much as i love it, was a trend started by ATYD. Like I know why the author did that; they wanted to write a sex-posititive female character and wanted a realistic portrayal of 1970s misogyny. Sirius objectifying Mary isn’t portrayed as a good thing, but it’s not condemned by the narrative either? Mary doesn’t need to go on a whole monologue on Sirius’ mistreatment of her, that would probably come off as pretty corny, but so much of her role is centered on being a support for Remus/Sirius. She doesn’t seem to have many flaws or goals or anything going on internally, which could’ve helped in making her a more well rounded person so we could take Sirius’ words with a grain of salt. And while this isn’t as extreme of a problem as it is in other fic, it did start a trend where Mary is just kind of the “hot popular chick who does all of the emotional labor for two of her male friends but doesn’t seem to care about anything outside of that”. Not saying Mary can’t be hot or popular or sleep around the problem just comes when that’s all she is. And many fics don’t even afford her that so she just turns into a shell for people around her.

the whole ‘Mary being a tool of development for male characters’ is especially disgustung when ppl depict her SA in fics. I don’t think I’ve seen a single depiction of Mary’s assault that was actually focused on her, esp esp in popular fanfics. Mary, the victim, becomes a conduit for the reactions and development of the men around her. Which is just like….fucking insane to me lmao. Sexual assault in general is one of the most traumatic events a person could go through, but since this is also most often written as a hate crime (Mulciber specifically going after Mary bc she’s a muggleborn) that adds an entirely different layer of sickening that ppl just?? Don’t engage with?? Because a victim’s SA should be used in service of development of male blorbos ig. Instead of the actual victim herself.

This also bleeds into my opinion on Mary and oblivation. I actually like the Mary oblivating herself headcanon. I think it’s unhealthy, irrational, morally dubious, extreme, and something someone in her position would do when pushed to the absolute limit. It’s compelling! But apparently ppl are fucking boring bc some ppl hc her being oblivated by dumbledore??? For some fucking reason???? Why would he ever do that???? It literally makes me want to tear out my cuticles seeing ppl rather rip away a woman’s agency than have to be conflicted by a character for five minutes. Let her make bad decision instead of no decision at all!!!

Christ this fandom doesn’t know how to write women

First off, this fandom revolves around men and male relationships, and that is evident in the fact that 70% of this fandom's works are made up of M/M fics. It's been like this for years, and to each their own of course. But when you bring up the undercurrents of misogyny portrayed in fics, people claim that it doesn't exist and they just prefer more gay relationships. That's okay, but don't dismiss the fact that you use female characters as a catalyst for your coming-of-age-esque relationships. ATYD (especially it being one of my first and favourite fics) was a prime example of pushing the dumb-hot-ex-girlfriend agenda through Mary. The author did very bad for never resolving her attachment and detachment to Sirius, or even explaining that being a young girl in a 1970s Scotland boarding school will mess with a woman's mind, and hell, no one else called bullshit so we ran with it.

Oh, don't mention the sexual assault of a black female to the crowd. It's not about her right now. They don't really care. They haven't cared for the past twenty years and the misogynoir is really showing up and showing out! When they cannot give her any other trauma due to the fact that they have provided her no goals and prospects and no real battles and actions, they go ahead to give her one of the worst they could find, then make sure to leave it at that. Can we talk about how fast they resolved the assault? Can we talk about how Sirius and CO. has fucked up the lives of many women but has been brushed under the mat because this is a wolfstar-centric/jegulus-centric story? No?

I've said it before, and I will never stop mentioning it, the microagressions Mary faced with the heavy agressions is what makes me even more pissed at her story. They take her emotional vulnerability (the effect of being a black young muggle in the 70s who portrayed herself as being sexually positive and active, play around it and spit her out) and turn her into a plot device when she's just as valuable as every other male character that is being written. When she was given the chance to have something for herself, do some damage after all the damage was done to her, we gave the blame to Dumbledore? Like I know we blame Dumbledore for everything, but are you going to take away the only thing this woman has done of her own selfishness and make it a man's?

Write those mlm fics if you want, but if you cannot make female characters as dimensional as every other male character, shut the fucking laptop. Give these women motivation. Give them anger and make that anger real and feasible. Make them selfish. Stop embarrassing yourselves!

[horizon-verizon]

At least, Cersei is the one to refuse to go public with their incestous relationship and isn’t out there proposing to marry Myrcella to Tommen, unlike Saint Jaime who call his sister ‘queen of whores’, treat her as his property, and victim-blame her (I tell you, he [Robert] loves me not/And whose fault is that, sweet sister ?), and never spare a thought for Tysha (or Bran for that matter), but thats normal, its because he’s a feminist and teenage girl-coded. No wonder he has some sympathy for Criston Cole, lmao. Do people genuinely believes Jaime is a victim of patriarchy and that his gender doesn’t favor him over Cersei ?? Insane. Can’t wait for him to die. It’s 2023, Jaime isn’t Adam and Cersei isn’t Eve, dude is a misogynistic, racist and hyperprivileged white man and his father’s golden boy. Funny how you all talk like Green/Criston’s stans when it comes to Cersei and Jaime.

*EDITED POST* (9/21/23)

Probably from this recent post that itself has 3 links to other posts where I talk about Cersei as a character.

Um...when did I ever either imply or directly say that Jaime was "a victim of patriarchy and that his gender doesn’t favor him over Cersei"? Or express that he was better than his sister, morally? Or express that Cersei deserved to die more than he did?

Perhaps you have that impression because I never talked about Jaime exclusively once, or you're just going off of what you recently read and horribly misinterpreted the purpose and argument of that post. If the latter, I advise you to reread. If the first, I don't write about Jaime much simply because he doesn't interest me as much as Cersei or Tyrion, no one asked me my thoughts about him, and I'm not thinking of him apart from his relationship with Cersei or Tyrion. His knighthood and masculinity are...not "easy", but direct enough for me to not dwell as much as his other siblings' issues. (look to this post by blankwhiteshield about Jaime) I generally care more about women, children, and other marginalized people in fiction, even when I do sympathize with some white cis straight men some of the time.

I mean pre-Brienne Jaime. That's just how GRRm wrote his arc.

For me, blankwhiteshield's posts about Jaime HERE and HERE both suffice to give me a picture of who Jaime is bc they fill in some blanks I had in my pre-existing assessment of Jaime. Which actually wasn't favorable, anon. I find Jaime to actually be very annoying, and no, I do not think that he is Cersei's victim. He is deluded in some ways as much as her and is not a good person because of the abuse and emotional neglect they all get from Tywin/Westerosi society. I actually should have, since again, there were blanks. You can take a look at those links as well.

Look, Cersei is evil & abusive AS WELL AS a victim of domestic abuse woman & of misogyny since childhood. These are not mutually exclusive nor does it NOT mean that her domestic abuse only and directly caused her power-hungriness and need to control if not every, most aspect of her life and those she sees will help her get or maintain control and a good image of herself. Neither the abuse nor misogyny against her erases the fact that she develops hatred towards women, going so far as to violently and sexually objectify them like w/Taena. (Her using what she's observed men do to affirm power and copying it). Or that she pinched her baby brother's penis at a very young age, showing her classist and blase willingness to target children/one of the most vulnerable groups for her own sense of control over her husband, family, etc., and political power. She is also very willing to sacrifice/risk the entire city for her own control of power, similar to Aerys II. Cersei is complicated and there is nuance to her character, but she is unmistakably evil simultaneously. What I like about her or what I find compelling about her (if you haven't read the post about it) is that I can understand her motivations, and relate in some ways, and from practically babyhood she's been trying to be essentially "good enough" and perfect through external, social values of competency BUT also as someone has said: her need for perfection and power and total love comes across as pure in its own sort of twisted way. Her emotions are so intense and uncontrolled and she remains totally unaware of her loneliness that she comes across as childlike.

I also find it very funny how you're criticizing show!Rhaenyra for wanting to marry Jace to Helaena (I presume, you don't specify but that is the closest betrothal to the one you make b/t Myrcella and Tommen) when you say: "At least, Cersei is the one to refuse to go public with their incestous relationship and isn’t out there proposing to marry Myrcella to Tommen". Because while this would have done nothing to assuage Alicent--which was what Rhaenyra was trying to do--it was also not that bad of a deal for Helaena or Jace themselves. I personally dislike it bc, again, we're erasing Rhaenyra's relationship w/Laena and how she ever made it so that Jace married Laena's daughter...but I digress. OR you probably were referring to Jaime expressing the desire to go public with their relationship, that conversation? Again, what does this have to do with my argument in the post I recently posted and that I assume you're responding to?

[variousqueerthings]

You always say you're going to take me there for dinner and then you always cancel at the last minute

man, husbands of river song is going to pull a double by giving me a character-farewell that I... actually like. for a character that I've criticized pretty heavily. twice in a row, who'da thought, but yeah this episode, like hell bent, is messy, but it's mostly enjoyable messy rather than nonsense messy, youknow?

anyway, brace yourselves... I'm about to give a m*ffat episode... a good rating

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 5/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 7/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 7/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 7/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 10/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 9/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 5/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 5/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 6/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 6/10

FULL RATING: 67/100 (if I can count….)

see what I mean? messy, but fun. also greg davies is there, mostly yelling and being large or uh... being a disembodied head and still yelling

OBJECTIFICATION: because this is a river song episode, it does unfortunately fuck up on this point again, because if there's one constant for river song episodes it's that she's Sexy in a dom mummy kind of way, but it's Empowering because she's the one who casually dismisses and objectifies men, she ooowns her sexuality, which just so happens to be the kind of woman that m*ffat thinks is hot

it's actually not so bad once you get past the first bit of it. once the doctor and river song are in the tardis things get a lot better and then stay relatively even for the rest of the episode. and then the ending is. actually quite moving

PLOT-POINT: this could go both higher and lower. lower, because I think if there's one thing that bothered me throughout river's whole narrative it was the way she clearly never had a positive view of her relationship with the doctor, always defining herself as someone who couldn't help but love someone who was so far above her, so brilliant, so amazing, so extraordinary, that nobody could hope to be on their level -- not to mention all the stuff (which isn't in this episode thank goodness) about how once the doctor sees you age, it's over

and now we've reached the end of the story, this core of river, the whole... thing of having been groomed from birth to revolve entirely around the doctor, to never feel worthy, to think the doctor is just plain "too good" for her, is confirmed for good to be simply the way this story is, without further analysis or deconstruction

that being said, this episode gives us more crumbs than any before. the doctor is incredibly kind towards river, in a way I don't think eleven ever really was outside of a small handful of moments, and it's confirmed that they've been avoiding the singing towers and that if it were up to the doctor they'd never go there, but then the universe decides on it, so the doctor pulls out all the stops (in a doctor-like way, not in a "godlike unknowable being" type way) to make it a good last time for them. so in that sense, this episode manages to be all about river in a way I don't think any previous ones have been

for once it's the doctor revolving around her, not the other way around. this also further by showing little tidbits into river's life outside of the doctor, and the doctor being confused (and jealous, sure, but... ehhh lower-and-higher rating, it's complicated, it's kind of het but also kind of not) about her sheer amount of other spouses that she never mentions. so the doctor is crashing into her adventure basically, not the other way around. if this had been the template for river song episodes, i might have liked them better. the closes we get to something like this is back in s5 with flesh and stone/time of angels, but after the beginning it very much became about the doctor and not about river. this story is firmly river, the entire way through. all it took was for it to be her very last flipping episode

COMPLEXITY: I'll call this one doctor who complex. it's silly, it has various locations, kinda takes you for a spin, but it's quite simple and doesn't try anything clever where it's not needed. this episode is a romp, and it remains a romp right until the end, where it's a sweet story about a long long goodbye

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: river song has gone to the library to die. i don't think this technically means she could never come back, because m*ffat utterly fucked the whole "we meet backwards" lore. they definitely just meet out of order, not in strict reverse linear order

but. but. I get that this is the big goodbye, you'd want it to remain that way. also it introduces nardole who is with us throughout s10

I don't... love nardole. i think he was good comic relief for this episode, now that I'm watching s10 I think he's too comic to be able to carry the dramatic scenes, but yeah. he's fine here

COMPANIONS MATTER: it's fuckn river song's episode, we're just gatecrashing it! this will be the second time (after the girl who waited) that this point gets a rating like this, and while there have been a few scattered episodes with 7/8 ratings, it on average sits firmly at a 5 or below so just... bask in it for a second after five seasons of companions being sidelined the majority of the time

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: the doctor is doing some smart things here and there, but again, it's firmly river's episode and that's really really ever-more striking the more I think about it. so much of this era of doctor who consists either of The Doctor Is Always The Centre Of The Universe Narrative type episodes or the doctor enters someone else's story and then takes over

it's so very refreshing for the doctor to let river do her thing, it's what we've been told is so great about her as a person, but I think far more seldomly seen

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: there's a lot of river-and-doctor history which, because river only really occurred multiple times in eleven's arc, means we don't actually go back very far. it is one of those things that weakens river's character, and yes yes I know in audio books she meets previous doctors (further weakening the whole "meeting in reverse linear" idea), but in the show she never does, making it odd that she'd be prepared to meet any of the other faces

I think river could have been so much stronger as a character if she'd not been presented as The character. the one who knows the doctor best, who is the best, who was created For the doctor, etcetc. broken record I know. but it's little things like this that hammer it home

and ofc we already have this character, it's the master, and gomez!master provides a far more compelling "version" of what they were trying to do with river being a mysterious femme fatale. there were just things that could have been done differently to ground her more, and that feels very obvious when trying to do callbacks here and you're like... your callbacks happened two-three seasons ago

actually noticed just now that the master and river never met, which also, the other thing being that river is very disconnected from the rest of doctor who mythos. sure she's mentioned to know various aliens and she's there in the pandorica episode, but her main stories aren't ever putting her in a wider context of the story. if river song episodes were totally excised, then apart from the odd mention of the doctor having ostensibly been "married" she may as well not exist

“SEXINESS”: there is some stuff. Idk whether this belongs in objectification as well or not, but m*ffat gets some last digs in with his favourite historical women he loves to objectify, because the doctor married Elizabeth 1st, Cleopatra, and Marilyn Monroe -- these were all eleven-doctor episodes, so more of a uuuurgh in hindsight about some of the ways this was written, because flipping 12yr old looking eleven was too much to resist for these women.

I lie, because actually Elizabeth married ten (in day of the doctor, so eleven era), but it was an egregious mischaracterisation of ten as well. and ofc. the fuckn jokes about all of that. finally, Elizabeth the first, whom I have no flipping opinion about usually, because who tf cares about the royal family (well, apart from the Shakespeare play versions of them + Lion in the Winter), is free from this hopefully

there's a bit of "sexy voice" going on at times, but that's just par for the course with river song episodes, and again, it's not too egregious in comparison to usually

INTERNAL WORLD: yeah, fun, silly, simple stuff, good times good times. nothing massive and complicated, but then steven not everything needs to be so damned massive and complicated all the time, does it????

POLITICS: still question the politics of river and guns. will do so forever. look, i know the doctor isn't so pacifist as all that, but there was a lot of gun-related arcs in nu!who era that was often quite complicated (for example eleven in town called mercy or twelve in hell bent) and it never seemed to apply to river

it's actually another way she sometimes felt disconnected from everything else. there's doctor who with its themes, and then there's the doctor and river adventures, and they never quite meet up

there's also ofc the ongoing silliness of "marriage as concept" and unexamined amatonormative + heteronormative ideas, but like. do I expect them to know what that means, never mind how to do an interesting exploration of relationship dynamics unless it's by accident? so I take what I want from it on that front

FULL RATING: 67/100 (if I can count….)

on the whole a fun episode and I was very prepared to not enjoy it, because I haven't been the biggest enjoyer of river song as character in the past + I obviously am not a fan of attempting to make the doctor alloromantic, which arguably... they also didn't manage to do

and if that felt strong with eleven, oh boy does it go through the roof with twelve! now I've had "aplatonic doctor" as concept put into my brain, it applies so strongly to twelve (as well as eleven) and I can absolutely read this episode through that lens and come out with a great deal of enjoyment for it

on the whole, this is a story about the doctor doing things for river, which is a rarity. it's a fun adventure between the two of them, which is also rare. and it's a neat little exploration on the themes of ending and putting off that ending (which also exists in clara's story), and how endings may be sad, but there's all the bits that come before that and that's important. and also ofc it's slowly gearing up to saying goodbye to this era's doctor -- the ponds have left, clara has gone, and now river...

[eccentricphilosoph]

It enrages me when *some* "trans women" insist cis women are turned on by their own bodies as a means to explain away autogynephilia. It’s not true overall, is fantasizing, misogynistic, tipping your hand, and is creepy af

Btw, I mean *some* do this. Not all, not even half. In my opinion, if you're a "trans woman" who believes this about females, you're not trans at all, but just a creepy male...

Even many females who wear revealing clothing don’t even get why people find what they’re wearing to be sexual, so why would they be aroused by their own self? I’ve seen this weird idea about female sexuality a few times in different places and it’s assuming something about females that males are espousing when they’re thinking of being females and I find it to be extremely offensive. It’s projecting this fantasy porn version of a female or projecting your own sexuality onto what you think a female is.

This idea of females/cis women being aroused by their own selves is in reaction to people who argue autogynephilia exists, trying to combat the narrative that males who transition sometimes do it in order to satisfy a fetishistic sexual desire to be a woman. They respond by saying “Well cis women feel that way too!”

No. This “argument” literally gives you away that you DO get turned on by the idea of being a woman and is nearly entirely false.

(fyi, I’m not insisting autogynephilia is synonymous with trans women, but showing the premise I’ve seen others responding to this argument)

What happened to the idea of “you know yourself better than anyone else”? It only applies to them and when it applies to only them and they decide to validate their sexual behaviors and feelings by believing they know what cis women are like.

While it may be true for very few females, it isn’t for an overwhelming majority. Usually the only reason she may be turned on by her own self is because she’s purposefully doing something sexy like wearing sexy clothes as a means to get attention or imagining getting sexual attention. She doesn’t look at herself in the mirror and think “wow I’m so turned on by myself rn” and start massaging their breasts in front of a mirror.

No. The only way she thinks that is if she’s thinking of how a man would look at her whom she wants to be attracted to her or anyone who looks at her in general. However, the result of this isn’t usually even being turned on, but just acknowledging that she looks sexy.

If anything, women are subject to the idea of the male gaze which is perfectly described by Margaret Atwood:

“…unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.”

And by “voyeur” she doesn’t mean the woman is herself looking at herself, how women are constantly unconsciously aware of how males will perceive them in every way in life that she’s seeing herself through the lens of a male. That no matter what a woman does, it’s a fantasy of a male… which has been exemplified by males who say they’re turned on by simply donning women’s clothing or putting on nail polish… females are not turned on by that kind of thing in any way.

Most trans women cannot fully comprehend this male gaze because they’ve lived much of their lives being perceived as men, or, in some cases, are still perceived as so, and not being desired or objectified by the larger population of straight men, especially when young. (*Some* trans women aay they want to be objectified and such in this way and that is also disgusting) Also, especially if they’re attracted to females, they too have become accustomed to being the enactor of the male gaze.

It’s so misogynistic for *some* trans women to misappropriate female sexual behaviors, assume this sort of sexual behavior about females, and tell them they’re wrong about their own sexuality in order to combat the idea of autogynephilia!

It’s a narcissistic misogynist inversion of what you think a female should be…

Please think about what you’re saying on behalf of cis women, don’t just assume, and don’t use that as a way to tell people you’re not an autogynephile, which gives you away that you DO get turned on by the idea of being a woman. Sorry not sorry. Stop being creepy and stop telling females what their sexuality is.

[caramel-ribbons]

About the Booktok-hockey controversy:

I know that this happened a day ago and that social media moves really fast, maybe too fast, but Imma still say something about this:

You should not be sexualizing real people. That’s it.

Doesn’t matter if they’re a celebrity, it doesn’t matter if that’s a part of their brand, it doesn’t even matter if they originally consented to the sexualization. The moment they say that they are uncomfortable with being sexualized, then you stop. It’s that simple.

I’m not even gonna get into her chasing after White men cause that’s not what the conversation should be about. However, I will say that I find it extremely funny, that Kiera went on TikTok, and instead of apologizing, taking accountability, and agreeing to cease the behavior altogether, she instead doubled down, fake cried, and accused this man and his wife of going after a Black content creator which is bold. Not even the boldest thing about the situation, but still, pretty bold, considering she never recommends Black books, even admitted that she would not recommend Black books on her platform. She never promotes Black authors nor does she even platform other Black content creators. To show such little regard towards her identity until it was time for her to weaponize it against someone she objectified, is vile. And it’s even worse when you remember that Kiera is 27. That’s old enough to have a Bachelor’s, a masters, an apartment and a six-figure job in a different economy.

And worst of all is how people are defending her behavior. Not all of Booktok, but certainly too many have come to her defense when we’re talking about literal sexual harassment. I’ve been thinking about this since Juniper and Thorn, but too many Booktok content creators almost exclusively read and recommend romance and smut, so whenever it’s time to read something else, or in this case, analyze a situation that has nothing to do with their obsession, they can’t. They’ve learned to project onto the books they read, and they project what they read onto to their reality, which is why you have 20 and even 30-something-year-old women defending the objectification of a real human being because they just see him as another real-life book boyfriend

There’s nothing wrong with reading and enjoying romance. There’s nothing wrong with liking smut. And there also isn’t anything wrong about talking about how sexy you think your celebrity crushes are, but it does become a problem when you continually make sexually-suggestive comments about these people you don’t know, and when you profit off of this objectification, specifically without their consent. Real people, celebrity or otherwise, are not your book boyfriends, and you cannot treat them the same way. So for the response to Alex and his wife to be so vitriolic is not only a sign of entitlement, but also of delusion.

[alarrytale]

Marte, isn’t it funny how different HL are when it comes to hanging out with males x females? From the latest video of Louis chatting with that woman, as you wrote, he’s really relaxed, all smiling and flamboyant and women make him more relaxed and soft. While with H, he’s like this only when hanging out with men, when he’s with women he’s like polite gentleman respecting their boundaries but definitely not that relaxed when he’s with men. Do you have the same opinion? They are both gays and one is relaxed with females and second is same relaxed with males.

Also have you seen the recent stunt totally organic sighting taken/released just before some awards where she’s nominated and will be there. Because the dog made a comeback after months, everybody’s angry with the way H is taking care of that innocent animal. Like as a dog person/owner myself, I find it absolutely horrible to walk the dog this way especially when the sidewalk is just there! When my dog was a puppy and I had to walk with him somewhere where wasn’t sidewalk, I just took him into my arms to protect it. And now when he’s all grown up, still I walk him on the side where he’s protected and the leash is very short. What I wanted to say is that it feels to me like H is literally not giving a damn about anything with this stunt (which I’m definitely not complaining) but this just looks like he’s angry he has to stunt again and walk the dog (to look like a caring bf) so he just not only do an absolute minimal efford but putting the innocent tiny dog into this danger?

Hi, anon!

I don't totally agree with you, but i understand what you mean. With H, he's so used to meeting women who's sexually and romantically attracted to him, and who takes his polite inquieries as flirting or him showing attraction to them. He's also so overly sexualised. So i think he's always a bit hesitant and, as you say, makes his boundaries clear. Harry does have female friends who he gets on with well and is himself around. Ellis, Cara, Lou Teasdale, his assistant, the women in his band and on his team etc. So with Harry it's not so much about gender but feeling objectified and his intentions being misunderstood.

I saw the stunt pic and that Peugeot is going to run that poor dog over. Dogs have always been used as stunt accessories and as a proof of committment and being fit caretakers. Poor dog. Why would they walk the dog there of all places? I don't think this pic is recent. You'd also have to be a superfan in order to recognise them the way they're dressed and bundled up, so colour me sceptical that this is organic...

[transamorousnetwork]

Men Who “Bottom” Offer Pleasure To Transgender Women, But Not All Of Them

Alright. Let’s admit something up front. This story will trigger many transgender women. I’m not meaning to trigger transgender women. I’m meaning to soothe their resistance so they get what they want. Still, if you’re trans and feeling triggered, please stop reading. 

Physical reality thrives on diversity. In all the Universe, diversity reigns. “All the Universe” includes the transgender community. My conversations with transgender women and trans-attracted men confirm what I know: great diversity exists in the trans community. Not all transgender people believe the same. Nor do they behave the same. Nor do they prefer the same things. Isn’t this obvious?

So while perhaps the majority of trans women may agree on any given subject, there always will be those who don’t. That’s great news for some trans-attracted men. Because as long as trans-attracted men exist, there will be transgender women matching those men’s preferences. And vice versa.

The Universe drove that home for me the other day. I didn’t see it coming, honestly. So when it happened, it blew me away. I consider myself pretty well-versed on trans/trans-attraction issues. But I guess even an old salty dog of a windbag like me can learn something new.

An unexpected enlightenment

A reader of mine, proud as hell about his trans-attraction, responded to one of my recent stories. What he wrote was astounding. It astounded me because I hadn’t thought about the perspective he shared:

^^A trans-attracted guy blows my mind.

Julian’s comment blew my mind on several levels. Not only is Julian proud of his trans-attraction, he lives his preferences out loud. But that’s not all. Julian takes it way beyond what I had thought about men who prefer pre-op transgender women.

What Julian is saying here is, transgender women who like to penetrate men enjoy that act. They find penetrating men sexually pleasing. In other words, fucking men, and seeing the men enjoy it, gives them pleasure. All this time I’ve taken that fact for granted. But it’s an important point. One worth highlighting. For women who like fucking men, those women like it. And so, men who like being fucked by transgender women who fuck men, offer such women pleasure.

Perfect matches exist

Of course there are transgender women who revile their penis. Some transgender women want their bodies to match who they believe they are. So they get Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS). Those women won’t feel fully themselves until they do. 

But there are also more transgender women coming out expressing appreciation for their penis. They are proud of not being like cis women. They don’t need GCS. They’re fine with who they are and what they are. Some pass, but some don’t care about that. And some of those women enjoy using what they were born with. For those women, it’s good men like Julian exist. 

Even so, I always counsel men like Julian, especially those in early trans-attraction stages, to consider something important. Transgender women are human beings. Because they’re people, they bring far more to the table than a source of sexual gratification. But since men are men, they often express their attraction in hyper-sexualized or objectifying terms. Transgender women need to understand that. In other words, the men’s behavior isn’t personal.

Focus on wanted, not the opposite

If transgender women can get over taking what men do or say as personal, they can find their matches more quickly. It doesn’t take a large pool of men meeting a trans woman’s preferences to meet her match. If a transgender woman is monogamous, it only takes one guy. And the Universe will match her with that guy. If she’s a match to him. 

But if transgender women believe only guys like Julian exist, and they don’t want that, then those women aren’t matches to the guys they want. So they won’t find them. Then they’ll compromise.

No wonder so many transgender women express bitterness towards men like Julian. They’re all busy focused on what they don’t want. So all they see is that. The problem is, in their bitterness, they’re not a match to the guys that aren’t like Julian. And so such men might as well not exist.

But they do exist.

A bitter trans woman complaining about “Julians” will not find them though. Because she’s not a match to them. Meanwhile the “Julians” of the world will find their matches. That’s because men like Julian focus on what they want and ignore everyone else. And everyone else’s opinions. So they get what they want. And as a result, the women they get get what they want too.

[mithliya]

when you said pretty privilege is getting raped/stalked, are you suggesting men are more likely to rape/stalk "pretty" women? no woman is "ugly" enough to not be stalked/raped smh. "pretty" women can and do make "ugly" women's life hell and there's only so much sympathy we can have during high school especially just because they're female. there's proof the "prettier" you are the more opportunities you get. we aren't talking about makeup pretty, we're talking "genetically blessed." i think "privilege" is too strong of a word but your response suggested it's HARDER being a pretty woman which is absolutely wrong. especially considering a lot of "ugliness" is disability and/or gnc traits.

nah i’m saying men regularly harass women they consider pretty, as in men considering a woman pretty is not a privilege at the end of the day. beauty is not an objective fact, it’s subjective.

anyways ppl online have told me i have “pretty privilege”, when growing up i was constantly bullied and physically abused for my appearance. one day i’m the “ugliest girl in school” and the next i’m put in a list of “hottest girls in school”, neither felt good and it just highlights to me that “pretty privilege” doesn’t exist bc “pretty” isn’t an actual definable group to begin with. at the end of the day my appearance was being valued more than me as a person and i was made to feel shitty either way.

my gf has a conventionally attractive face by her culture’s standards, minus her gender non-conformity and skin colour. but simply bc she’s butch & im not, i face a lot of sexual harassment that is quite foreign to her whereas she experiences a lot of casual homophobia due to being visibly a lesbian. because my skin colour is darker, i often face prejudices on that basis too. because she’s asian, she also faces prejudices that i dont face. because im brown, i face prejudices that she doesn’t face.

i can agree that different factors in one’s appearance can impact our experiences, factors such as weight, skin colour, race, and gender (non-)conformity. but to translate that into “pretty privilege” or even “pretty advantage” is beyond stupid in my eyes. it just doesn’t make sense to me to act like there’s a class of women that are objectively pretty & treated better bc of it vs a class of women that are objectively ugly and treated worse bc of it. what makes more sense is to say that there’s prejudices based on differing aspects of ppls appearances that primarily impact women, women being fatter or darker will often harm their job prospects for example. but beauty is subjective + women are considered ugly as we age which is also inevitable for us, there’s a reason this doesn’t impact men. the issue is women are constantly reduced to our appearances and we should be combating that instead of pretending there’s a systemic privilege to being “pretty”, whatever that means. the issue is that our appearance is valued over all else and this isn’t gonna be much of a privilege ultimately bc it always means our merits are overlooked and that we are being objectified. it is not a privilege to be objectified, whether u get positives out of it or not