#also: this is what i was vagueing about when i made that post about ''timeline what timeline'' bc i have NO idea what's going on here

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

Bring Light To The Darkness

《for @magpie-trove. I don't know if fanfics are allowed as part of the @inklings-challenge, but if they are, this can probably count for my Christmas challenge offering.》

“In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light. The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world.

John 1:4‭-‬9 (ESV)

The first time she walked in the creaky, rusted door of Opened Door ministries, with their name printed on a colorful, vinyl-laminated sign on the window of the storefront they were in, she was seven years old. She'd just asked her mom to cut her hair and her mom had said no, that she needs it long for the winter to keep her warm, because they don't have the money for new scarves. Walking around the corner from their apartment, which at least still has heat even if the oven is broken, makes Stephanie think that maybe her mom was right.

Mom is on the phone with the landlord. Christmas is tomorrow and they had gotten a big turkey, but now, they can't cook it. Steph, who reads all the signs on the street as the schoolbus takes her past, had slipped into her big thrift-store boots and purple coat that was a birthday present this past year and snuck out the door while Mom argued with their landlord.

"Free Christmas meal," the sign offered, in large red text. There's smaller lettering underneath it that Steph hadn't been able to make out through the frosty windows of the bus, but the boy seated next to her who she thinks is a couple grades above her and always has his nose stuck in a book had reading glasses on and told her it said "all you can eat, noon to 6pm Christmas Eve and Christmas Day". Steph sits next to that boy because he's always warm, like as in friendly but also body heat. The bus doesn't have heat. At least Steph and her mom's apartment still has that, though, and so does the building that the Christmas dinner place is in.

Steph steps, or kind of shuffles because of all her winter clothes, into the storefront (which isn't a store) at 5:58pm on Christmas Eve. There's a lot of people starting to clean up, but she got in two minutes before the doors would have been locked, so she's lucky or blessed or something. A lady takes one look at the purple and blonde poof that is Stephanie Brown and grins, a really warm kind of grin, and asks her what they can do for her.

"My mom got a turkey for Christmas," Stephanie explains, because she doesn't want these people pitying her and thinking they can't afford their own food, "But our oven broke and they can't fix it yet. So I wanted to get us a Christmas dinner and I saw your sign from the schoolbus. So. Um." She shrugs, a swishy sound because her coat rustles against itself. The lady nods understandingly.

"Does your mom know you're here, though?" Asks a younger woman from over by a table that Steph stares at for a minute, eyes wide, because it's covered in sweets.

"I left a note."

There's a murmur, maybe a bit of a laugh. "Okay then," says the first lady, the one with the warm smile. "Let's get you and your mom some Christmas dinner."

And she's led over into the room with all the food, tables piled high with turkey (light meat for Steph, dark for Mom, and lots of gravy) and potatoes (Steph likes the cheesy ones best) and vegetables (that she accepts without complaint even though she doesn't like green beans). The lady helps her fill two big grocery bags with take-boxes of food and then lets her pick out whatever desserts she wants from the table she'd seen before. Steph leaves the store that isn't a store with enough food for a week and a chorus of "God bless you, Merry Christmas" that she echoes back even though she doesn't really know what the "God bless you" part means, because she didn't sneeze or anything.

The teenager who had been there had put a little piece of paper in the bag that Steph reads once she's home and in bed, happily drowsy from turkey and a huge piece of chocolate cake.

"Opened Door chapel services:," it reads. "Saturday, 6:30pm; Sunday, 11am. Youth service Wednesday nights, 6pm. Opened Door after school program daily 3pm-5pm."

Stephanie isn't totally sure what any of that means. She's never been to church before (She's at least mostly sure that "chapel" means "church," pretty much). She doesn't think about the little church that set up in a storefront for another few years, until she's nearly eleven and her dad is out on bail (which means that the apartment's heat hasn't been paid for because her mom decided to pay to get Dad back. Even at ten and a half, Steph doesn't understand that very well) and she's sick of hearing them argue.

She climbs down the fire escape and walks around the block to where she remembers getting Christmas dinner and a smile three years ago. It's Wednesday night and she doesn't know if she's old enough to be part of the youth stuff; youth usually means kids older than her, like Jason from the bus who she hasn't seen in school for the better part of a year. She doesn't just walk in like before, she knocks, since she isn't sure she's allowed at this stuff.

"Hi," she says, when someone comes to the door. It isn't anyone she recognizes. "You have... youth stuff tonight, right?" She shoves her hands in her hoodie pockets and decides she's not going home if she's turned away here.

But the kid who opened the door (hah!) just smiles and invites her inside. "What grade are you in?" He asks. "We have different small groups for different grades."

"Sixth," she lies, because 6th grade means middle school and none of the kids in the room look younger than that.

The guy nods. "Cool," he says. "You'll be with Lynn's group, then."

Lynn is, apparently, the younger lady who'd helped Steph on Christmas Eve nearly three years ago, and she recognizes the combination of long blonde hair and purple clothes immediately. Steph sits in the circle of kids just a bit older than her and smiles as they go around the circle and introduce themselves. This is, she decides, way better than staying at home in her room while her dad tries to convince Mom that he's helping them when he really isn't. At least these people actually do help other people. At least they invited her in.

They play a game a little bit like charades, but not quite, and then Lynn hands out soft-paged Bibles with plasticky feeling blue covers and the words Holy Bible, English Standard Version printed on the front. Lynn says a lot of words that Steph doesn't understand and several kids start flipping through the thin pages. Steph tries to read over the shoulder of the person next to her, who notices and stops what she's doing. Steph pulls back, hesitating.

"Hang on, Miss Lynn," the girl says in a lightly accented voice. "I think Stephanie needs help finding the right page."

Steph wills herself not to flush or curl into herself and hide, just lets the girl — Nadia — show her how the books and chapters and verse numbers work (she doesn't understand it still, but it will start to make sense in a couple weeks). When Nadia stops thumbing through the book, it says John 1 at the top of the page in bold letters. Everything else is in tiny print that Steph has to hold close to her face to read.

"The light," Lynn says in a slightly different voice than her usual one, "Shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

Steph likes the sound of that. She stares at the words on the page in a way that only someone still young and curious and new to all this can. When the conversation, drawn out by Lynn's leading questions, draws to a close and people start to funnel out of the store (which is definitely not a store, even if Steph got food there once), she holds the floppy, thick book with the bold word Holy and wonders if anyone would notice if she took it.

She isn't like her father, though. She isn't a criminal even if she did lie about being in middle school, and stealing doesn't sit right with her. So she walks over to Lynn, in a corner talking to one of the older kids, and waits for a break in the conversation so she can butt in.

"Uh," she says eloquently, "Can I... take this home?" She waves the Bible in question.

Lynn smiles at her, a little naturally lopsided. "Oh yeah, that's what they're here for!" she says. "You can totally take one home! I hope we'll see you here next week...?" She offers, and Steph nods. Even without the offer of free food, she thinks she likes it here.

She goes to that youth group every week from then on. It isn't like, a huge revelation, but it's fun and it gets her out of the house and they always say "come on in!" all bright and happy when she walks up, like somehow the leaders and other kids all know that Steph needs an invitation (like some kind of purple-clad vampire, or just a girl who isn't used to being welcomed). Nadia helps her find Bible verses sometimes but mostly she does it herself, but she likes sitting by a girl whose name means hope.

She learns that, about Nadia's name, a few weeks before Christmas when she's fourteen and everyone thinks she's in tenth grade instead of ninth and she still hasn't corrected them on that, even though she feels crappy for lying. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing," reads the feather-light page that Steph maybe will always be afraid of tearing. Nadia lights up even more than she's normally bright and warm, and she tells the group of a Russian family name passed down, almost like the handing of hope from generation to generation. Steph thinks the name fits her.

The light shines in the darkness, reads the verse they'd talked about the first time Steph went to the youth meeting. That's what she wants Spoiler to be; that's what she tries to make herself. She knows the Bible verse is about the Iight of God, but she can apply it here, too, can't she? She's all eggplant-purple and golden hair and her dad is full of darkness, Batman is full of darkness, too, even though she thinks he honestly tries not to be. And if God's light can't be overcome or understood by the darkness, then it makes sense that Stephanie — Spoiler — can't be, either. She won't be.

Saturday night in late autumn, and she's sixteen and not out as Spoiler because for once, her dad is at home. Of course it's the one time the power is out, too, and Steph runs smack into her father on her way to the bathroom in the dark. He grumbles at her, something low and frustrated about how she's always in the way and she was an accident, anyway, and Steph ignores it and leans back against the closed bathroom door and tries not to cry. Mom is asleep or high, she isn't sure which, and she's too old to run to her mommy like a baby because her feelings got hurt; but she suddenly feels unwelcome even in her own house, her own life.

Her father never wanted her, her mom barely does, and Batman sure doesn't want Spoiler around. She has a wristwatch with numbers that glow in the dark and when she checks it, it's 6:30, already dark outside as it is inside and as is creeping into her heart, and. And, and, and. She's never gone to an actual chapel service at Opened Door. At least she's pretty sure she's welcome there.

She shrugs a cardigan over her plain T-shirt and leggings, feeling strangely like she needs to make herself presentable, check that her face isn't blotchy from holding back emotions. She would put on makeup, if she had enough light to do it by. Instead, she pads quietly down the hall in a worn pair of hightops and steps in exactly the right places on all the building's stairs so that they don't creak. Batman may not want her, but she hasn't learned nothing from him.

There's music coming from inside the storefront when Steph opens the door of Opened Doors, slipping inside to warm yellow light and friendly smiles of greeting even though she's ten minutes late and has been lying about her age since before she was eleven. She's heard a little of this kind of music, sometime playing in the background on a radio when she first arrives at youth group. But this is different, with a guy playing guitar on a small stage set up in the main room and a woman next to him singing and swaying. Steph stands in the doorway, transfixed.

When the song ends, another man steps onto the stage with a cordless microphone, says something about offerings, but Steph has nothing to offer. She slips into a seat in the back row and scans the room for anyone she knows, but when the people onstage start playing another song, she watches them. This is different than anything she's used to from Wednesday nights, but it's just as warm. You give life, the woman starts to sing, You are love, and Steph pays attention because talking about God is different when it's singing instead of talking. You bring light to the darkness. You give hope, restore every heart that is broken.

For the second time tonight, but for a totally different reason, Steph blinks back tears.

By Christmas, she's Robin. Basically the epitome of a light shining in darkness, in her opinion. B is definitely dark enough, and so is the Batcave. Steph, then, blonde hair and colors that are definitely not hers and maybe shouldn't be, is the counterpoint to all that. She's not here because B wanted her. She's here because she wanted to be here. Wants to. And if B's approval lights her up a little bit, then that has nothing to do with anything.

Alfred has strung some lights in a corner of the Cave. Robin colors, Steph thinks. She kind of wants to ask if there's any extras she could borrow, just for the season, since the lights on her and Mom's old plastic tree stopped working a couple years ago. Steph stares at the lights and shifts her weight from foot to foot on the training mats.

"Christmas Eve and Day are high crime days," B is saying, focused on the Batcomputer instead of her. "Police often take leave for the holiday and most people are at home; there are a lot of break-ins and robberies." He glances over his shoulder at her. "We'll need to redouble our efforts on patrol this weekend."

Steph sniffs awkwardly, gaze firmly fixed on Alfred's Christmas lights. "Actually, uh..." she squirms a little bit. "I can't patrol on Christmas Eve. I... have stuff I need to do. Commitments, ya know?" She flashes what she hopes is a bright grin to counter Batman's sudden glower.

"Family?" He asks carefully, watching her for some reaction she doesn't give. As if she wants to spend the holiday with her arch-criminal father and a drug addicted mom. As if she wants to face that.

She shakes her head. "It's a volunteering thing. Like, community service? It goes on my high school transcript. I promised I'd be there Christmas Eve, so..." she shrugs. "If that's, like... okay."

Batman stares at her a few moments longer. "I not your parent, Stephanie," he says, softer than she expected. Somehow, the words sting even though they're probably meant to be reassuring, or at least just a reminder. It isn't a rejection. "Where are you volunteering?"

Steph shrugs again. "Just a place near where I grew up. They do a Christmas dinner thing every year." She leaves out the fact that she's gone to it, and not to volunteer. B is stupid rich, she doesn't need the reminder.

He nods. "Christmas night, then?" And she nods. Light in the darkness, invitation as a counterpoint to rejection.

This year, Steph is the one doing the inviting. She grins widely at everyone who walks over Opened Doors' threshold, refills trays of food donated by church members and volunteers. It's strange, being on the other side of all this, but she's been attending Saturday night services as well as youth group every week, and they'd asked for helping hands, so. That's what she is. Seeing the light from their front window shining out into the dark of a street with broken streetlamps almost feels like coming full circle.

Steph doesn't know that in a few months she won't be Robin anymore; in a few months she'll be dead and then alive and still feeling like she's dead. Like the light in her heart has flickered out. All she knows is that it's Christmas, and she's standing in the church's kitchen (which is really just a camp stove someone brought in and a microwave they keep in the back room for popcorn at youth events; all the turkeys were cooked at people's homes and brought in this afternoon) with Lynn, who has a gold ring on the hand she keeps resting on her heavily pregnant belly, and Steph thinks things are starting over new.

"I was scared for you, at first, you know," Lynn says conversationally, nibbling at a leftover cookie. Steph is unscrewing the propane tank from the camp stove so its owner can take it home, and pauses to look over her shoulder.

"Huh?"

Lynn chuffs a soft laugh, hem of her maternity dress bouncing. "You came in here all alone that first Christmas, no parents or siblings, and I was worried for you. And then you came to youth group and I thought, she's only here because it's warm. Maybe I thought you were homeless, or didn't have good heating, since you showed up when it was cold out."

Steph checks the outlet on the propane tank, then turns around and sits cross-legged with her back to it on the kitchen floor. "I mean, you're kind of right," she admits. "I did come for the warm. But not because of why you thought. I just... I mean, you know my home life isn't the best. You guys gave me a place to come, you know?" She looks at the floor, like she'd looked at Christmas lights in a cave a couple days ago.

Lynn hums. "I never thought you'd become such a staple, though. Never thought we'd end up here." She smiles, that same smile she'd given Steph the first time they met on a Christmas Eve like this one, when Steph was tiny and Lynn had been a high schooler. "I'm glad," she adds.

Steph grins, then, too, thinking of handing lonely people a bit of warmth and welcome. "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it," she recites, because it feels fitting. "I don't think I ever stopped thinking about that after the first time. You guys are a light in the darkness." She turns back to the stove, carefully folding it up and leaning it against the wall.

Lynn hums again, then the pitch of her voice changes in a way that activates every single one of Steph's Spoiler-and-Robin instincts. The sound of hope becomes the sound of pain, and Steph swirls into action because she's wearing red and green and even though this time it means Christmas and not necessarily Robin, B's training is admittedly really good and she's grateful for it. Please, please, please, she prays in her head, absolutely incoherent because she's never delivered a baby before, and she still hasn't by the end of the night because two other women who had been volunteering usher her out of the way (she wasn't in the way) as the sound of pain becomes the sound of hope again. Joy and peace, too.

In spring, Steph dies. She isn't really Robin even though she's wearing those colors, and she spends the whole time her life is being taken from her praying, please, God, please, just as incoherent as ever. She's never been good at the praying part, always leaves the end-of-group prayers to Nadia or whoever else wants to say it. She wonders if Nadia will miss her. If Lynn will. She doesn't think B will, even though she misses him somehow even though he's with her at the end. Please, her mind screams, because it feels like the darkness is overcoming the light even though she knows in the end of all things that can't happen.

And then she's not dead again and she doesn't know what to feel. Grateful? Yeah, she is. But she doesn't feel like the hands and feet of light in the darkness anymore. She feels a little bit like a part of the darkness, and she spends a lot of time beating it back.

The floppy, blue-covered Bible she hadn't stolen still says Holy on the front even though it's beaten up and worn and she has, in fact, accidentally torn some of the delicate pages. The slip of paper listing the service times at Opened Doors is still in it as a bookmark, the words behind it highlighted in magenta Crayola marker, the closest color to purple she could find at the time. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. But the preceding verse stands out to Stephanie now, "In Him was life, and the life was the light of men." She stares at that for a long time and can't figure out how she feels about it.

Life and light, shared from Someone other than herself. That's where the light, the one that shines in the darkness and can't be overcome, the one that she's built her entire existence up around, comes from. She can't embody it by herself; Steph knows that now. Maybe she needs to be done trying.

The first time she walks in the creaky, rusted door of Opened Door ministries after she dies and is allowed to keep living (just like Jason Todd, the Red Hood, who she knows know is the same Jason she used to sit next to on the schoolbus in winter because he was warm and didn't mind her being there. She wonders if he's still warm like that.), she's seventeen years old and still hasn't cut her hair, because now that she's older she likes it long. She's still got a big purple coat (eggplant). It's Saturday night, her father is in prison and Mom is in rehab, and she hasn't been here since spring. The light still shines out the window of the storefront and the streetlight is still broken.

"It's Your breath in our lungs," sings the lady onstage when Steph walks into the sanctuary, a few minutes late as usual, and slips into the back row like she always does. "So we pour out our praise." Steph knows this song. It means more to her now, though. "Our hearts will cry, these bones will sing," says the bridge, and maybe that's why it's okay that Steph doesn't have the words to pray. "Great are You, Lord."

She goes to Opened Doors on Wednesday night that week, knocks on the doorframe. Someone opens it and tells her it isn't locked, and she says, "I know," and smiles. Lynn walks into the room with her baby on her hip and stops short when she sees Steph, bright golden hair and purple hoodie against the world, hands in her sweatshirt pocket almost sheepish in a way she never let herself be before.

"Stephanie!" She exclaims, breaking into the light smile Steph has come to know over the course of a decade. "I thought- we haven't seen you in months!" Lynn offers a one-armed hug that Steph gladly steps into, almost trembling with the force of being welcomed back so powerfully.

"I know," she mumbles, "Some... stuff happened." Death and new life counts as stuff, she thinks. "But I'm back now, so." She shrugs, and then blurts before she can stop to think about it: "I lied."

Lynn looks her up and down and pulls her back into the room they use as a kitchen, the microwave room. "When?" She asks gently, not judging or scolding, just curious.

Steph takes a deep breath, sighs it out. "When I first came here," she replies. "I was only in fifth grade at the time, but I didn't want you guys to like, turn me away because I was too young, you know? I really wanted..." she trails off.

"Wanted what?"

"The... light, I guess. To be invited in." Steph is holding back tears, now, and she isn't totally sure why. "I didn't think you would." Nobody else did. "I'm sorry I never told the truth."

Lynn shakes her head. "It's alright, Stephie," she says gently, which makes Steph cry more because her mom usually calls her that and she hasn't heard from her mom since she started rehab. Mom and Lynn are the only two people who have ever really called her Stephie. She'd forgotten what that felt like. "Honestly, I'm glad you did." She holds out a hand, and hesitantly, Steph takes it. "Plus," Lynn adds, "That means you have another year before you age out of youth group."

Steph hadn't thought of that. She'd almost thought they wouldn't want her around when they found out she lied. "Oh."

Steph isn't Spoiler anymore. She isn't Robin, either. She's Batgirl, now, taking up another legacy of light in the darkness. At first, she doesn't think it suits her. She confesses as much to Alfred, or maybe she's more complaining than anything else, unsure about living up to what B and Babs need her to be. Thanksgiving has just passed, and Steph is helping with Christmas decorations. She never did ask about borrowing some before, but maybe since she has her own place now, she'll ask this year.

"If Master Bruce and Miss Barbara think you are not exactly what you need to be," Alfred says simply, "Then that is on them, not you. You, Miss Stephanie, have something that unfortunately, they often don't." He fixes her in a long look, and bends to plug in a string of Christmas lights. "Light."

That's the moment Steph knows that Batgirl is going to be begging off patrol again this year, that as important as what she does at night is, there are things more important, and one of them is the light in the darkness. Alfred gives her a box of twinkling lights and decorations and won't hear of it when she promises to bring them back, tells her that every young person making their way in the world, in life, needs a good set of decor, so she ducks her head and grins about it and sets the box by the door before she runs downstairs. Like, downstairs, downstairs.

Tim is seated at the computer with Bruce hovering over his shoulder, both of them casting occasional glances over at Jason, still half in his Red Hood gear but leaning casually against the wall as they discuss some case Steph isn't involved in. They've been keeping her out of gang cases, she thinks, and anything to do with Sionis. Part of her bristles at the protectiveness while the rest of her is touched by it. She nods a greeting to Jason and walks up behind B and starts poking him, which gets a smirk out of Tim and a sigh from the man himself that she knows, these days, isn't actually annoyed.

"Yes, Stephanie?" He asks, tilting his head to look down at her. To think, she'd once been intimidated by that, thought he was like, actually looking down on her (and maybe he had been back then, at first). Not anymore, though.

"I'm dipping for Christmas again this year. Volunteer stuff, all that. I was wondering," she says slyly and a little shyly, like a little girl asking if she's allowed to take home a book called Holy, "If any of you wanted to join me." They should see that light, too. She wants to show it to them.

Tim looks up from the computer. "I didn't know you do volunteer work," he says. "Where?"

"Once a year," Steph replies, then falters. "It's uh... like a community Christmas meal type thing. There's a ministry that runs it in my old neighborhood, ever since I was a kid." She leaves the rest of that unspoken, knows that they know what's implied in that and isn't actually ashamed of it anymore.

"Wait," Jason pipes up, "Opened Doors?" He's staring at her, almost squinting with thought, and Steph nods.

"The one and only." She grins.

"Huh." Jason blinks. "I didn't realize you actually went."

"I didn't realize you could grow out of needing reading glasses," Steph retorts, and he grumbles. "But yeah. I uh... never stopped going, after that. And they never stopped inviting me in, so." She shrugs. "I helped out last year, too, and it was really nice." She turns back to Tim and Bruce. "I figured I'd ask, at least."

Tim frowns. "Well, I think we're skimming over the fact that you and Jason knew each other as kids," he says slowly, looking mildly perplexed.

"Same schoolbus," they both reply in unison.

Bruce clears his throat, then, which is a very quick way to get the attention of all of his kids including Steph, who isn't exactly his but isn't not, either. "If you don't think my presence would cause too much commotion," he says, "I would love to join you."

Steph tries to pretend like she isn't dying (coming alive) inside from happiness and acceptance. "Everyone's pretty chill." She breaks into a grin. "They'll love you."

"Hn." Bruce looks like he's suppressing a smile, and looks over at Tim, who shrugs.

"I'm in," he answers.

"Am I invited, too?" Jason asks. "Or would a vigilante crime lord be too out of place in a church?" He says it sarcastically, shooting a halfhearted glare at Bruce as he does so. But Steph thinks maybe he's actually asking.

"You don't have to talk about it," Tim sighs, exasperated. "Why are you like this."

But Steph just smiles wider and thinks of warmth from a storefront window. "You're invited."

Dick tags along, too, when he gets in from Bludhaven on Christmas Eve. Steph doesn't ask who's handling patrol, because she doesn't want to ruin this by reminding anyone of their other responsibilities, and she just assumes that Bruce has that all figured out. She can trust that, now. She carries a box of Alfred's pastries over the threshold of Opened Doors, letting out warmth into the cold and light into the darkness (the nearest streetlamp is still broken. She doesn't think it's ever going to be fixed.) as the boys and Bruce trail after her.

She's still got a big purple coat, this one not from a thrift store (it was an early Christmas present from B) and her hair is frizzed out over the fur-lined hood and she's absolutely certain she still looks like a poof. She's golden and purple and she grins madly back at Lynn and Nadia, who greet her with warmth as soon as they see her.

"I brought helping hands!" she exclaims brightly, nodding over her shoulder at the family who isn't quite her family, but who keep welcoming her into theirs anyway.

She finally, finally gets how to be a light in the darkness. Because the light doesn't come from just her, or just the church lights or the brightness of a welcoming smile. It comes from Something more, Something bigger. She just has to accept the invitation to it. And then she can turn around and open the door for others, the way it was opened to her. And the darkness, whatever it may contain, can't overcome that light.

She's going to call her mom tonight, wish her a merry Christmas. Figure out what she wants to do about college. Write a Christmas card to her father, send it to the prison even though she doesn't really want to, would rather let him rot. But right now, she's offering light the way it was once and is still offered to her, and it's warming her inside and out. It's Christmas Eve, and there's life here.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Romans 15:13

In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 1:4-5

[jakei95]

[Post in English] Something Nyx and I want to publicly address, regarding the recent allegations in the Glitchtale Crew's Discord Server and it's moderators. I really apologize for the upcoming wall of text. These are our Twitter threads I have pasted them here, in case you don't have access to said platform. I have also added some additional notes to provide more context. All details under the line:

NyxTheShield: (Transcription from his official twitter thread) I read some mean comments lately and I just wanna be super clear: I havent been related to Glitchtale since at least 2022. I never considered myself part of the community and went through some much shit while doing stuff for it that my mental health was completely destroyed.

For people who thought I was an admin of the server, that was just in paper. I was constantly de-admin'd, demodded and kicked from the server through the years for simple stuff like asking the rest of the mod team to not say slurs or standing up against the Midnight Crew. I personally left the server for a long while because I really did not want to be around some of the people there. All of this happened years ago (from 2016~ to around 2020). On the early years, my full income came from Youtube/Glitchtale. I was a broke college student and my economic stability depended on it. Despite this, and making literally hundred of tracks and hours of music for the series, most of the income came from my own ad revenue. I was paid less than 2000 USD for all of the work. Essentially, I was paid in exposure.

This wouldn't have been an issue for me if at least I got to keep my artistic vision with the series. That didn't hold true for long.

From the second season and onwards, and in multiple instances, I would score the entire OST for the episode, watch the episode when it released, and then find out a completely new section of the episode (usually a battle scene) with music from somebody else This was completely demotivating to me because I wasn't being paid, the tracks would not fit the rest of the OST at all, and most of the income I made from the battle scenes. I had to work for weeks trying to compose music for glorified powerpoint presentations (Basically everything that's not a battle scene on the series was just still frames of characters barely moving) and do all the heavy lifting and I wasn't even let known about the guest tracks.

This added to the feeling of having absolutely no power within the community. I don't know if this was intentional or not (I don't wanna presume malice), but all of these things together contributed to me distancing myself from the community.

Honestly, there is A LOT more shit that went down these early years that are extremely traumatic to me that I would prefer to not talk about unless completely necessary, but I feel this is a good amount of context for what I wanna talk about next.

As you might be aware, extremely serious (and true) allegations were made against Camila and his partner, Veir, which was accused of grooming minors from 2015 to 2021 There are really good videos out there explaining the entire timeline of what transpired, but I specifically wanna talk about 2020.

(Jakei's note: Links to said videos are here: [1] [2] [3])

In that year, a public document was made by my head mod CrystalFlame alongside 2 other mods in the GT server, that exposed Veir and their actions. This document went mostly unnoticed. Even more, Crystal went through a lot of abuse for coming forward about their abuse and was almost ostracized from the UT AU community because of this.

Because of this, I was asked directly by one of the victims (and also representing the other victims) to please not speak up (Citing that they just wanted to move on and didn't want to involve themselves with more problems and expose themselves)

All the info was kept very vague from me, including the people who were involved, the extent of the stuff that went down, etc But I knew enough to know it was serious. I followed their request and didn't speak up publicly about this, but I banned Veir from my server, warned all of my mods and people close to me in those circles about Veir, and constantly tried to get Camila to please adress the situation. Despite this, she did not listen and we all know how stuff went down later in 2022, where the allegations came back again with full force. This time around I wasnt asked to stay silent so I spread the word around and confronted the entire mod team. I was shortly banned after that.

I needed to address this because this thing has been eating me alive for years. I was intentionally kept in the dark about a lot of context and nuance that would have completely changed my mind about speaking up or not about what happened in 2020.

Everything is easier in retrospective, and with the knowledge I now have about the situation I know for a fact that I would have spoken up about all that happened. But being asked directly to not speak up by the victims was something that goes against what I am Sorry for the long rant, but I really needed to get this off my chest. I am tired of having to deal with this kind of stuff. As a content creator/public figure I am trying my hardest to keep the communities I am active in as safe as possible.

I feel I could have done more for the Glitchtale community regarding the grooming situation, but all of the years of abuse that I endured really fucked up my judgement. I am not very good at dealing with people and I always trust the people close to help me for this kind of stuff

Sadly, in this case, those same people who were close to me were also the victims, so they couldnt have known or had a way to help me out, I should have helped them instead. Most if not all of what was described in this thread is backed up by screenshots, chat logs, and direct testimony from the people who were involved during this time.

I don't want to direct hate to anyone or start a witchhunt, I am doing this purely to decompress a bit and try to vent some of the trauma I experienced all these years.

============================================

Jakei: (Transcription from my official twitter thread) I would also like to share my experiences about my relationship with the Glitchtale Creator, Camila Cuevas. Publicly, we appeared as close friends, but in reality, that friendship was based on bullying and mistreatment, and this affected my mental health deeply.

Years have passed, and the memories still cause me pain. I decided to remain silent, but after the revelations of grooming cases in her community, I realized I wasn’t being too sensitive. The time has come to speak up about my experiences.

During the early years of Underverse, I was dealing with a serious depressive episode. Simultaneous internal and external pressures as an independent artist amplified my mental strain. Meeting Camila felt like finding a genuine friend who shared my passion for the fandom and understood the struggles of being a content creator amidst toxicity. At my lowest, I became compliant to doing things that I didn’t want to, just to keep people around me happy. For Camila, this meant allowing her to belittle my work and make me the butt of her jokes.

Only our veteran followers may remember the 'roasting games' between us on Tumblr (consisting of mutual insults), a spectacle where she'd always win. However, it was a game she privately forced me to "play" and I ended up accepting, despite the discomfort it caused me. These 'games' would give her a cool and strong image in the fandom while painting me as the dumb, 'cringe-worthy' friend. In essence, I became her personal punching bag, unknowingly reinforcing his reputation.

Camila's favorite term to demean my series 'Underverse' was “Cancerverse”. It felt like a constant contest where she'd always position herself as the superior writer and animator simply because my story and animation techniques didn't fit her standards. Years of being subjected to her ridicule left my self-esteem in ruins. I was okay with the negative feedback by some fans, but when my 'friend' publicly disrespected my art, it made me question my abilities as an artist.

I can't deny there were times when she gave me advice to deal with hate or hurtful comments. However, her damaging comments and treatment outweighed those moments of support.

My depressive state worsened around July 2017, where I had accepted people pushing me to do things I wasn’t comfortable with, while being part of Camila's demeaning games, just to appease her ego. I was introduced to Nyx during this time, he offered his music for my series, and eventually we started dating. We met in person in Chile, where I also met Camila. I hoped our friendship would strengthen but everything felt the same. Before I moved to Chile with Nyx, Camila reached out to me in dms, attempting to turn me against him because he opposed the use of slurs in the GT server. She claimed Nyx was being 'brainwashed' by his American friends belonging to the black and LGBTQ+ communities. She made fun of my dating choices, suggesting I was entering a toxic relationship, while showing off her relationship with her then-boyfriend (later exposed as a pedophile). She even quoted her own mother assuring me that Nyx would 'get back to normal', and if it didn’t happen, she would let me live in her house, almost like if she was telling me that Nyx would hurt me or make me feel miserable.

It only took Nyx 3 months to realize that the GT server was going in the wrong way. I initially felt compelled to defend Camila due to my inferiority complex, but soon realized Nyx was right. (Jakei's note: Not only Nyx was right, a lot of people that called her out over the years were right, yet they were not listened to at the time)

Even then, I found it difficult to distance myself from Camila due to the false sense of obligation I felt towards her. My fear of her making fun of my work kept me from interacting with others in the short period of time I stayed in her Discord server. I was afraid that she and her echo chamber would talk behind my back, something that I found out was happening in private chats until recent years.

Rebuilding my self-esteem wasn't an easy task. I began noticing the red flags – Camila's lack of respect not only for me but Nyx also, the emotional manipulation Nyx was suffering from Veir (something he used to do all the time with his other victims), her attempts to 'roast' me in front of her family and fans in the Underverse/Glitchtale meetings, and her constant criticism of my artstyle not being compatible to hers in the few collabs we made.

All these 'small' instances, dismissed as insignificant by many, caused me immense pain while treating my depression. I felt it was too late to express how I felt, as I feared being labeled as attention-seeking or oversensitive by her and her fanbase. Ironically, the moment she talked about her traumas after being bullied in the past, her feelings were the only ones that mattered any time she was involved in a problematic situation in the fandom and deserved to be the only to get pats in the back.

I never expected a sincere apology, as I was convinced she didn't remember or didn't care about the hurt she caused. I tried to maintain a facade of good terms with her, both publicly and privately. Eventually, I distanced myself from her, unfriending her and banning her from my own server even if she didn't interact there. I started focusing on my own work and the people who appreciated it. Despite this, the aftermath of the bullying continued to affect me.

Everything fell into place when the grooming accusations against her former boyfriend and server mods came to light. It was a shocking revelation, but it validated all my doubts and fears about her. The purpose of sharing my experiences is not to stir up drama, but to address the concerns of those worried about my association with Camila. I want to make it clear that I will never tolerate such behavior. Although the things I did for her in the past cannot be erased, I hope Camila at least deletes the animation remake I did for her and all the collabs that boosted her views for free, though I'm not optimistic about it happening.

As I've matured, my hope is that she and her crew learn from their mistakes, start behaving like adults, and take responsibility for their actions in their future projects and with their new followers. But I'm skeptical about any real change, especially if their server continues to exist. The best course of action for me was to cut all ties with Camila and Glitchtale.

NyxTheShield (now my husband) and I have endured too much from our treatment by Camila. We no longer want to be associated with her or Glitchtale. It's a chapter of our lives that we wish to close. It's time for us to focus on recovering our mental health, as remaining silent is only prolonging our pain. We have been working to improve our mental and physical health over the past few years and this is a crucial part of our healing process.

[relenafanel]

As promised, the threadfic from my Twitter/X account. I just copy/pasted all of it, so the flow might feel a little weird due to the word limit and ~dramatic pauses~ you know the drill.

Modern AU - wangxian, classical musician lwj x idol wwx

Secret fanboy!lwj finds out the family connection to idol wwx.

thread ⤵️

______________

Lan Zhan doesn’t use social media often. He has a professional account that he posts his appearance schedules to, where he follows other musicians of his calibre. His cohort will tag him in posts, some of them professional and some of them personal, but he rarely answers.

His professional bio has a link, so he amasses followers anyway. Such is the price of being a famous classical musician.

“It’s because you’re young and hot,” NHS reminds him during an event they’re both obligated to attend when he expresses his disinterest at his 15k followers.

Lan Zhan doesn’t know what being either of those things has to do with his field.

No one is looking at his face when he’s playing music!

👀 <- nhs’s expression in response to that.

It’s late and he’s stuck in an airport. Despite having a set bedtime, he’s not the type to sleep while in public, and the annoyance and disregulation of the flight delay have made it so he’s having trouble focusing on reading. In a rare instance, he ends up scrolling his socials.

Wei Wuxian is trending #1.

Lan Zhan doesn’t know who that is so he ignores it.

“Dizi” is trending #5. Lan Zhan’s eyebrows go up in vague surprise. He’s aware of how little the world cares about traditional music, even if he thinks they’re all wrong. So of course he clicks on it.

The video that opens is of a man playing something slow and upbeat on a dizi. His expression shows that he’s entranced with the music he’s playing and that he’s enjoying himself.

And oh

Oh

He’s beautiful.

It should NOT matter to Lan Zhan. He’s only ever cared about the music. But it matters. It feels like the dizi is being jabbed into his solar plexus with every second the man plays with his lovely face and long, graceful fingers

He finishes the video, surprised to see it’s almost 4 minutes long. The man holds his final note with impressive breath control. Then he laughs, gasping for breath. “It’s been ages since I’ve tried that” he says.

It hits LZ that this isn’t a normal video

Or, it’s far too professional of a set up for most amateur instrument players. Compared to his own v expensive marketing the lighting and sound is 🙌🏻 quality.

Lan Zhan glances down to read the discription to find the man’s name.

Wei Wuxian.

He isn’t clueless about the internet. He realizes that wwx must be someone. Someone big enough to trend #1 and make the word dizi trend at all. He should dismiss it as a lovely moment and move on.

He doesn’t dismiss it.

Instead, he watches it again.

He goes back to trending topics and clicks into the WWX tag.

He watches more videos. He reads comments.

He learns.

By the time his flight boards he's learned:

WWX is an idol turned actor

He's never played the dizi publicly before

His fans aren't shocked to learn he CAN because he typically pulls out random skills from no where

LWJ is SUPER attracted to him.

Before he gets on the plane he likes the video and it feels like a big deal. He stares at it for a moment and thinks about sharing it.

He thinks, and thinks, and ends up feeling like it's too big of a step that would tell all his followers exactly how he feels.

(worse, it would also tell his brother, who sometimes teases him for being young and so disconnected from modern music.)

That should be the end of it. He airport-exhaustion flirts with being attracted to an actor, he rationalizes himself out of it in the cold light of day.

It's not the end of it.

A timeline of lwj's fall into fanboying: 💎he lurks for a week, going video to video/post to post 💎he considers putting wwx's pic as his phone background; doesn't 💎he makes a burner account to like posts so he won't lose them 💎he likes a lot of posts

💎he gets furious when someone says something bad about wwx and thinks about answering; doesn't 💎does 💎does 💎he has RECEIPTS 💎he considers getting a burner phone so his brother can't look over his shoulder so he can save images; doesn't 💎hopelessly thinks wwx is GORGEOUS

has the following convo with LXC: LXC: i see you liked the video of wwx playing the dizi LWJ, ice spreading through his extremities: you have not spoken of him before - is he a friend? LXC: no, he's - nevermind

Maybe the first time he managed to get one over on his nosy brother

It feels thrilling to him, this secret life.

💎He plays the same song on his guqin that wwx played on the dizi and thinks about filming and posting it; doesn't. 💎He goes to see wwx's most recent movie in theatres; hates the experience but enjoys seeing him anyway

💎sees an announcement for a fanmeet out of an auditorium he plays and considers buying a ticket; doesn't 💎regrets; doesn't change his mind 💎on the day of the fanmeet he stays away. he has access - it's a surprising test of wills for him

until he gets called in for a favor

The favor* is to pre-record a short accompaniment on the guqin. It should have been done far in advance, it wasn't. It's very wwx to do something fantastic at the last second. lwj should feel more annoyed by the haste but is instead charmed.

*he is getting paid.

He's standing in the corridor w his guqin when wwx's entourage arrives, walking quickly past.

He looks.

His heart races. His palms sweat.

wwx meets his eyes and smiles, friendly & impersonal.

lwj stands there after he leaves for what feels like a long time but prob isn't.

He thinks about it for days. should he have said something? should he have asked for his ad hoc contract to include 5 minutes of time?

It all seems so impossible. force inserting himself into a moment of wwx's life makes him feel ill.

He wishes.

(he doesn't know)

[time skip]

LXC asks him if he'd be willing to play a few songs at his boyfriend's brother's son's bday party, stresses that he's not the entertainment. He agrees. It's very likely that LXC will force him along to socialize and at least if he's playing he won't need to talk.

The Jins are ostentatious; the party is not.

"friends & family," lxc explains. "JYL's brother is famous. you don't know him."

he WOULDN'T, his brother is right. He doesn't think about the surety of the phrasing until he walks through the door and comes face to face with WWX.

LWJ stills.

WWX pauses mid-sentence and looks at him. "I saw you at the fanmeet," he blurts out, surprised.

Everyone turns to stare at him. His ears flame hot. "I recorded the guqin piece."

He doesn't say how beautiful wwx is in person

"Oh thank you! I know it was so last minute. A lifesaver. A prince!" wwx effuses.

This seems to be a good enough explanation for everyone but LXC who is still staring at him. He feels pleased. His brother can tell.

He bows briefly at the praise.

Later, wwx approaches where he's sitting. "I thought you might like to hear the song."

"I heard it," he says. Wishes he hadn't. wwx was going to play it for him and he spoke without thinking. He knows better.

"Oh, did your management share it?"

"It's online."

It isn't online.

Or, it is online, but only in a certain kind of fan recording.

"You wanted to hear it that badly?"

Yes. It's the cumulation of both their talents. He's never felt that level of impatience in his life. "Yes," he says simply.

"OH!" wwx gasps delighted. "It's so good, isn't it?"

"Mn," he agrees.

"I'm going to release it. Do a concert with me!" WWX asks, shining. "Oh! An album!"

He can't. "I follow you on social media," he tells wwx, tone grave.

"You say that like it's bad. 30 million ppl follow me on social media." He pulls out his phone. Frowns.

"It doesn't say we're mutuals," he shows LWJ.

LWJ pulls out his phone and shows it to WWX.

"A FAN ACCOUNT" WWX crows in delight. "oh my god that's amazing. That's so good. You have to make music with me now that I know you like me. Yes, right? You're going to say yes?"

"Yes."

He doesn't realize until later, when he's home and still reeling from how overwhelming wwx's presence is, that he doesn't have a new follower notification on his main account.

How long has wwx been following him?

"Oh, since you played at [x] Gala two years ago. You were breathtaking. I was a guest." wwx tells him when he finally asks. "You didn't notice?"

"No."

"Haha I asked your brother when I met him and he said you wouldn't." wwx thinks this is the most hilarious thing.

"You notice me now, right gege?" wwx asks, fluttering his eyelashes.

LWJ kisses him.

[fin] 💝💝

(also share on X if you're so inclined. it's been retweeted once at this point and that's v sad 😭😂)

[candyskiez]

I've also never seen SU, and posts of people summarizing media they've never seen/read/etc are hilarious, so here's what I know about SU:

There are people called crystal gems from another world, and they can fuse into different combinations of people to become different gems. I think the main ones are Ruby, Sapphire, Peridot, Amethyst, and Pearl.

Ruby and Sapphire are gay and their wedding was an important queer cartoon milestone!

Steven, the main character, is half gem. He's always wearing a red shirt with a yellow star on it.

His mom was a war criminal or something??

In the end, Steven didn't kill the evil villain, and that made people mad

Peridot is anxious and sort of an antihero, Pearl cries, Rose Quartz is big and beautiful

There's some kind of alternate universe future timeline thing, with a version of Steven called Stevonnie who may be either trans or an indication that Steven is trans

Something about watermelons? Idk, I vaguely recall a friend showing me an episode when I was like 10 and it had something to do with watermelon

This is so fucking funny. I'm framing this on my wall. I can't legally tell you what the actual plot of the episodes are I want to live in this timeline.

[whateverisbeautiful]

This might be a stretch but I’d love to see your take on Rick and Lori’s relationship. I have many conversations online with others but everyone thinks differently when I make post, majority believe one thing but for the most part it amazes me what people say. Questions like…..would Rick have actually left Lori or would he have stuck things out for the sake of keeping his family together. Would he have still pursued Michonne ? If so how soon do you think it would have happened? Would Lori try to ruin Rick moving on with someone ? Would she even care ? Anyways I love your Reveling in Richonne and wanted to know your opinions 🤷🏽‍♀️

Thanks for this @richonnelovers4life 💗 These are good questions. And I'd love to hear your take on them too. Something I am forever convinced of is that Richonne is inevitable. So no matter how the early TWD circumstances shifted, I firmly believe Rick and Michonne were bound to meet and they were bound to be in love.

With the type of soulmates Rick and Michonne are, Cupid was simply not going to miss with those two. Even in Rick’s dreams, Cupid had an undefeated run. 😋

As for the rest of the questions, I wrote out my take on them right here ⬇️:

#1: Would Rick have actually left Lori or would he have stuck things out for the sake of keeping his family together?

Just like I think Rick and Michonne falling in love was inevitable, I think Rick and Lori splitting up was inevitable too, apocalypse or not. They just weren’t each other's person and deep down they both knew it long before the world ended.

I think had Lori survived that day at the prison, she and Rick would have been living about as divorced as could be, but with their struggle to communicate, I could see them both tiptoeing around finally outright making the call to end the marriage.

I think Rick, especially after Lori had the baby, would of course still feel very responsible for looking out for her and the baby and so it would be hard for him to directly end the relationship even if they were sleeping in different cells and communicating more like coworkers because they mentally left the marriage already.

And I used to think Lori would then pull the trigger for them and she'd officially end the marriage so that Rick didn’t have to. But now that I’ve gone back and noticed more of how she was often so vague and flip-floppy in expressing what she wanted and also would not prefer to raise her newborn without a husband (even if it was the husband she wasn’t in love with) I think she wouldn’t take the initiative to end it either.

I think what would finally prompt them to officially end the marriage would be Carl.

I think his parents' whole divorced-but-not state would take a toll on Carl and as blunt of a kid as he used to be back then I think he’d notice and maybe even call them out on it, wanting them to make a definitive decision either way. And the second Rick realized that ‘staying together’ unhappy was more damaging to Carl than just splitting up, I think he would officially end the marriage. And I think Lori would agree it was the right thing to do.

#2: Would Rick have still pursued Michonne? If so how soon do you think it would have happened?

Absolutely. 👌🏽 Rick would still be captivated by Michonne, still eventually pursue her, and they’d still fall in love. If Lori lived and let's say most other events around that time stayed the same with Michonne showing up to the prison - I really believe Rick and Michonne’s journey still plays out in a mostly similar way and similar timeline to how it did in TWD.

I think their love story would be a slow burn just like it was in the show because, depending on when Rick and Lori end it (which I think would be sooner rather than later), Rick still would be the type of guy who moved at a more slow and steady pace when it comes to his romantic pursuit. And Michonne would still need time to open that part of her heart up after losing Mike and Andre.

(Your question also made me wonder what would happen if it was reversed and Lori still didn't survive but Mike and Andre did. If Michonne, Mike, and Andre showed up to the prison post-Lori I'm curious what people predict would happen. It's harder for me to predict exactly how that would play out since we were shown much less of Michonne and Mike's dynamic. But from the things we do know about them, I think Michonne and Mike would still split too. And Michonne and Rick would fall for each other no matter what. Even tho I am 100% confident Rick and Michonne would only actively pursue each other once they were both single because Richonne is respectful and has integrity)

Some friends and I have had conversations about this scenario where Lori lives as well, and I know one argument someone made was that Michonne bonding with Carl was a big thing that brought her and Rick closer and they might not bond the same if Carl still has his mom in his life.

However, my take is that, while elements of it would be different with Lori still present, I actually think Michonne and Carl still would form their tight-knit bond. Because while Michonne wouldn’t be meeting a motherless Carl, she would be meeting a Carl whose parents either divorced or were on the brink of it and so he’d still be in need of the friendship and care he found with Michonne.

And Rick being extremely attracted to Michonne inside and out, along with appreciating her and Carl’s bond would lead to events playing out similar to how they did in TWD. But again, all this would happen only once he and Lori had officially called things off. Because, unlike their former partners, Rick and Michonne are extremely loyal and devoted people so neither of them would allow for overlap.

However, once Rick was single, he would still be checking Michonne out all the time, still finding reasons to take her on runs with him, and I’m sure all those little flirting moments between them would still be there as well. Which leads to question #3.

#3: Would Lori try to ruin Rick moving on with someone? Would she even care?

I think Lori would most definitely notice the unique effect Michonne had on Rick and she’d see how Michonne brings out a fresh, improved, and more alive man in him. While I think she might feel miffed that she didn’t get to experience this version of Rick, I don’t think she would go out of her way to try to ruin things - and emphasis on try since any attempts at stopping Richonne from happening would be futile - because, at the end of the day, she wasn't happy being with Rick and didn't want him and vice versa. And I think every passing day would make that clearer to them both.

So when he moved on, I don’t think she’d care from a place of still wishing to be with him/work things out. If anything she’d just care and feel some type of way that all that stuff she didn't feel she got from him - communication, passion, etc. - he was now giving to Michonne with ease, and that Michonne was pretty effortlessly getting the group's ‘First Lady’ position that Lori seemed to covet. Either way, whatever care she had about Rick moving on wouldn't be about Rick I don’t think.

The area where I think Lori would actually care and feel intimidated is again when it came to Carl’s bond with Michonne. Had she survived, I think seeing Carl respect, confide in, and gravitate toward Michonne would have made her feel a bit insecure as a mom.

And then she might feel threatened that Michonne’s obvious organic connection with Rick meant that Michonne would inevitably become Carl’s stepmom and they'd build a family unit that she might be envious of.

So basically, Lori would probably want what Rick and Michonne had but not with Rick. And I think if a man who was her type had joined the group and she liked him, Lori would move on too, and even quicker than Rick possibly. Because Rick would be trying to be respectful during the initial post-divorce period, all the while still looking at Michonne like a whole meal until he and Michonne finally and - using my Word of the Day in this post - inevitably made their romance official. 😊

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 12/8

@williamjakespeare asked: One of the recent posts concludes that the circumstances around Vriska's god tiering were "so much worse than anything I thought was going to happen" and I'm curious. What exactly did you think was going to happen?

Back before I knew how God Tier ascension worked, my theory was that Vriska's Quest Bed might grant her access to a special dream moon, and that Tavros's presence there might throw some sort of spanner into the works. I wasn't sure what kind of spanner, and my theories were very vague.

Vriska's a huge taskmaster, and I thought she might have given him an instruction that he was unwilling or unable to carry out. Like, maybe she told him to leave her God Tier Moon, and he was unwilling to abandon her to a fate he didn't understand.

I guess I was right. In the end, she did give him an instruction he couldn't carry out.

Anonymous asked: For the kid who was the most vocal about her 'distaste' for their guardian, having Mom be the reason that Rose snaps is actually very sweet, in a sad way. ~DJ

The above line from Rose implies that she had a lot more affection for her mother than she was letting on.

Their relationship was complicated, but if Rose viewed her as a sister, I think there had to have been some camaraderie between the two. We just never saw it on-panel, because the narrative began on the most stressful day of Mom Lalonde's life.

@elkian asked: So, fun fact about that time John joked about rescuing Rose from the Broodfesther Throes and you were going "yes it's a joke BUT IT'S ALSO SERIOUS JOHN!!!": Hussie's author note for that page is almost verbatim your reaction. Homestuck is as serious as it is silly and typically both at once.

Every time Hussie and I share the same thought, a subtle chill runs down my spine.

@gl1tchypyr0 asked: In regards to the thing about LOWAA potentially corrupting Eridan, itd be a little smart to remember what Sollux said in his conversation with Terezi about a prophet has to go blind to earn their stripes or how an angel earns its wings, Sollux states that 'angels are terrible feathery demons that paradox space uses to usher in the end' and Eridan was actually killing them even if he wasn't Supposed to. If you really think about it I actually kinda find it sad? If he was already a troubled individual Before Sgrub and then was on a planet of 'terrible feathery demons' that whisper prophecies in his earfins for an entire month that he was made to feel he Had to kill, honestly it makes me nervous imagining just how many doomed timelines there are where Eridan snapped far earlier. Not to mention the fact he's also on the Blue Team ie Derse players ie most susceptible to waking up in his sleep and seeing tentacles and eyeballs staring back at him (not that he wouldn't be /used to that/ back on alternia with his job of feeding glybgolyb so Feferi wouldn't have to). Not really defending eridan but just, food for thought kinda? About how LOWAA might have affected him enough for Doc Scratch to bring up such a hypothetical. The idea that Eridan was already pretty bad before the inevitable Sgrub trauma and then LOWAA made thinks /worse/.

Oh, don't get it twisted - Eridan's just as much of tragedy as any of the other trolls. He's certainly written to be less sympathetic, but he didn't deserve to be raised in the Alternian Empire. Just like Vriska and Equius, he could have been a much better person, if only he was raised in a less violent and oppressive culture.

Of course, he could still be an asshole if he was born on Earth - but at least he'd have a chance to be better. Alternia stacks the deck against you in ways that simply aren't fair.

@galaxa-13 asked: It is very satisfying watching you pick apart everything Doc Scratch says without playing his game. Rose wishes she could, but unfortunately she is a child and not as smart as she pretends to be. Usually it's fun to watch people theorize because of what they don't know, so it's extra fun when someone as smart as you doesn't have the pieces I already do. Just chortling to myself, "Oh ho ho, just you wait!" @elkian asked: I may have sent this before but I ADORE your Doc Scratch dissertations. What few liveblogs (and fandom during/after the run) I've followed have other strengths and focuses, so these moments where you stop everything to shred his dialogue to see if fhere's even a GRAIN of truth are novel and absolutely fascinating. I think you've done the most thorough analyses of any 1 of his convos let alone all of them and I'm here for it. Rip that shady motherfucker apart! :D

Despite myself, I am enjoying puzzling out the true meaning of what he says. I've just got to remember that he is fully capable of lying.

I do think, on balance, that there is some hidden meaning to his words - it's just hard to find. His '50% chance of ascending' statement is definitely foreshadowing something, I just can't figure out what. I think it has something to do with the reboot session, but I'm waiting to learn more about the reboot before I really start theorizing about it.

Anonymous asked: In case the 7 Gates haven’t been fully explained yet — the Gates over a player’s house are all either entry (transport to somewhere on their planet) or exit (destination of a gate on the planet of the previous player in the chain). Using John as example: Build to gate 1, which takes him somewhere on LOWAS. Find gate 2 elsewhere on LOWAS, this will take him to the matching gate over Rose’s house — build up to her gate 3, which will lead to somewhere on LOLAR, then find the planet’s gate 4, etc.

Here's my old interpretation of the Gate system, from way back in Act 4. I'm fully in agreement with you about John's path here - the problem is that when you use it to extrapolate Rose's path, things start to fall apart.

See, this ordering method implies that in a four-player chain, your own Seventh Gate is located on the Land preceding yours, rather than your own. This means that Rose's Seventh Gate is the one that got John killed on LOWAS - the one which leads to his Denizen. It additionally implies that John's Seventh Gate should have been on Jade's Land instead. It's all very confusing.

Anonymous asked: Something I love about how this god-tier immortality system is described, however it works, is that "remaining neutral" will PROBABLY keep you alive… but when you think about it, remaining neutral means not making a REAL DIFFERENCE. As a God, if you want to make a difference in the world around you -- good or bad -- you have to be willing to stake your life on it.

True! It's an interesting balancing mechanism, where each God Tier has to decide whether their life is more valuable than their personal agency. Gods who avoid Heroic and Just situations are almost invincible, but they're also completely ineffectual.

I'd obviously try to game the system somehow, but the vague, subjective definitions of Heroic and Just make this a difficult system to game.

@spyril4132 asked: with the reveal of the heroic-just system, there's now a reason you might not want to god tier immediately: sacrificing one of your selves for a heroic cause and then doing what aradia did (but intentionally)

Good point. Although, I'm not sure I'd want to rely on the Quest Slab for my resurrection - at least, not yet. We don't really know the rules are, and how they differ from normal Quest Bed rules.

Anonymous asked: "I don't really care if Paradox Space sanctions his actions - he needs to be taken down, and if that upsets the natural order, then it's time for a new natural order." i think you for sure lean more lifeways on the life/doom player axis lol. oh, the laws of the multiverse say death is inevitable? well, that fucking sucks and i hate it, so i'm gonna wedge myself into the cracks and loopholes and *make* it evitable one day at a goddamn time, life finds a way motherfucker.

Life finds a way, motherfucker!

I actually find both Life and Doom fairly interesting, as Aspects go. I think, at this point, I'm committed to giving one to my kidsona, and the other to my trollsona.

If another Aspect ends up catching my eye, we'll have to start workshopping a Carapaciansona!

Anonymous asked: I think you got it kinda twisted what's going on with Rose. Yes she is slightly corrupted by the Horrorterrors powers/boons and Scratch's… Sheer Existence. But in her mind, she's doing this to Save her session, so if she does go God Tier and gets killed, her death wouldn't be Just, it would probably be Heroic. As she probably would've died tryong to save her session, which would cancel out the corruption from Scratch and Horrorterrors. Either way she still dies, but it's the difference in Why she dies that's important. […]

See, this is the whole problem, isn't it? These terms are incredibly subjective.

I personally think Rose's attempt to save her session is extremely Heroic - but Skaia couldn't possibly approve of her assault on the game, so I don't think it would cancel out her Horrorterror corruption. Sburb itself is probably the last word on what qualifies as a Just death, so I think that's what she'd get tagged as, if she died as a God Tier in the Green Sun's explosion.

I'm also not sure if getting tagged as Heroic would cancel out a Just tag. They're not necessarily opposites - Vriska, for example, is designed to have a controversial alignment, and could easily die in a way that counts as both.

@ben-guy asked: Small correction, you referred to the Alternian empire as "intergalactic" when it only exists within one galaxy as far as I'm aware. Yes, kind of a silly nitpick, and one that I could be wrong about, but I happen to enjoy thinking about the comparative scale of space faring societies lol. If there is a quote contradicting that, I'd like to see it! Pretty sure it's merely a galactic empire tho :)

Nah, that's fair - that's the kind of nitpick I'd point out, too.

Galaxy, singular. I think I parsed the Empire as intergalactic because massively faster-than-light travel is clearly possible in this setting, via time manipulation. We don't actually know if Alternia had access to time manipulation before Sgrub - but Earth seemingly did, so who knows?

@abacusdictator asked: Found your liveblog a few days ago and furiously binged it. Happy to find another Homestuck liveblog! Especially one I can see happen in-progress! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

Thanks - and you're certainly coming in at an interesting time!

Anonymous asked: Scratch "chooses not to lie," but he also has the privileged position of knowing in advance that Rose will misunderstand what the Scratch is, leading to her doing what he wants. If he knew that not lying wouldn't get him what he wants, or even if he didn't know for certain that it would, would he lie? If so, that basically means it's pointless to try to figure out his true meanings, because if you succeed, he'll have retroactively lied about it anyway.

Yeah, this is pretty much my take.

Does it really matter if he 'doesn't lie' if he can foresee all the truths that will mislead you? When you're playing at his level, the actual truth of your statements barely matters.

@skelekingfeddy asked: to my knowledge this has never been commented on by hussie, but i feel like doc scratch doesnt lie in part because he was made from the cueball. its a fortune telling device that predicts the future with remarkable precision and accuracy. you wouldnt expect it to lie, would you? its just that the difference between scratch and the cueball is that he can pick and choose WHICH truths to reveal at which moments. (his penchant for jokes thus probably comes from cal (‘haa haa hee hee hoo hoo’) i feel like him never lying is also a way to feed his own ego. its a self-imposed(!!!!) restriction, and yet despite it he effortlessly plays everyone like fiddles. and he KNOWS it. he CHOOSES never to lie. he VOLUNTARILY hands the people he manipulates an advantage on a goddamn silver platter, and he STILL wins. ‘Isn't it funny how during our various matches, I can tell you what my moves will be in advance, and still win?’ hes so fucking smug. what a pompous dipshit. i love him Anonymous asked: I think that when Scratch say he don't lie, he mean it, and not because of some vilainous valor but out of sheer ego. Scratch is prideful, he love beating other by "playing with cards face up" and tricking them with exact word, he doesn't tell the truth because it's "honorable", he tell the truth because he doesn't need to lie to win.

Also, this. He's just a smug fuck.

Do we know for sure if the cueball is always truthful, actually? Scratch heavily implies it here, but he's only stating it as a hypothetical.

Anonymous asked: Scratch is like a fae, he doesn't lie but you better watch out how he word what he say.

I'd be so screwed against the fae. Not because I couldn't parse their statements, but because I'm only halfway competent with human social customs, let alone weird alien ones.

@manorinthewoods asked: Honestly, I think it's great for his character if Scratch is actually completely dead of emotion inside, possibly even thoughts, and is just near-mindlessly carrying out the necessary parts of his role in the story so that his desired outcome is achieved. He's omniscient, he doesn't need to think. On the other hand, he does seem to have experienced genuine emotion, on occasions… ~LOSS (24/7/24)

A pseudo-omniscient character, mindlessly following the optimal path to their ultimate goal? This smells suspiciously like a Certified Contessa Moment...

Anonymous asked: In the trolls game all the trolls got to see and speak to their lusi after they died because they put them in the sprites. Meaning Gamzees dad coming back wouldn’t get him sober. Ideally Gamzee would be able to interact with his dad way more then he ever had in the past because his dad now had to guid him as his sprite.

Fair point. Although, we know that prototyping tends to affect your personality, and shifts your priorities towards guiding your Player through the game.

Goatsprite's sprite knowledge might have informed him that Gamzee needed to be on Sopor Slime, or game would become unwinnable.

@heliotropopause asked: "Well, no! That’s the problem! The cueball’s omniscience is completely redundant, because the MEOW code already contains an omniscience gene! According to the Scratch loredump, any ‘intelligent’ host for the MEOW code will be granted near-omniscience. Scratch didn’t need the cueball," I think it's worth considering the what exactly he meant with that- it seems perfectly plausible that the teleportation-based powerset established for bequerel would make an intelligent agent very good at observation, either by physically hopping around, or by teleporting light around to see distant places, or by sending out telekinetic "feelers"; we know bec has the capability to separately manipulate individual objects in physical contact from afar. None of this would give him knowledge of the future, or of physically disjoint spaces like the human session, so the cueball is not at all redundant.

It's possible. See, this is another situation where we're really being hampered by our small sample size. We've only seen two First Guardians, and only one of them has been a 'standard' First Guardian, unaltered by HONK. As such, we don't really know how First Guardian clairvoyance is supposed to function.

Another Guardian with human-level intelligence is desperately needed, for science. It's almost enough to make me want the Scratched Guardian of Earth to be made from a human...

@manorinthewoods asked: As an alternative explanation for the double-omniscience problem, one could say that the cueball, in being used to create Scratch, retroactively and conceptually gained his omniscience - so effectively, any use of a cueball allows you to attune to Scratch's awareness (as long as he's alive, perhaps?). This would subsequently imply that First Guardians are all linked to their components - for instance, there would be some link between Bec and all dogs, or specifically Halley. ~LOSS (23/7/24)

As this ask points out, I might just be drawing the causal arrows in the wrong direction. If the cueball is omniscient because of Scratch, rather than the other way round, then there's really only one root cause for his clairvoyance.

I'm not sure why it would work like that, but I do like the idea of Colonel Sassacre running around the early 1900s with a suspiciously powerful dog.

@manorinthewoods asked: The link between 'Skaia's final gate of defense' and 'first to find Alternia' is something I just didn't notice (because I didn't really pay attention to the words and botched my experience by not watching the Flashes), but it would imply, to me, that the gates run in reverse order, Skaia to World - first meteor in, last meteor out. This would mean that the moon which dropped on Jade was the last meteor to hit […]Skaia. ~LOSS (23/7/24)

Hey, good catch!

Jade's meteor was the last to arrive on Earth. By this logic, wouldn't it have been the first thing to leave the session, rather than the last?

That makes a sort of sense, actually. A meteor this enormous would dwarf the entire Incipisphere, so the game would probably want it out of the picture as soon as possible.

@manorinthewoods asked: You seem to have run with the interpretation that all First Guardians run on the same fundamental genetic code, identical to MEOW but using different letters. Not really how I thought of it - I interpret that every FG's code is different, although I also didn't think too hard about the FGs. No reason that they'd necessarily all have to have the same genetic code - after all, Bec's a dog and Scratch's a Scratch. You'd only really need a single gene to code for Green Sun powers… ~LOSS (23/7/24)

It does say they share a genetic sequence, rather than an entire genome. Becquerel presumably contains some dog DNA - the 'host' - which is absent in Scratch, so their genome can't be identical.

Unlike Becquerel, Scratch's hosts were entirely synthetic. They didn't have DNA - which, to me, implies that his entire genome is just an amalgamation of the BR8K H34DS T1CK T0CK HONK sequences. His DNA is just the First Guardian sequence, plus whatever is in HONK.

...what the hell is in HONK, then? If it's DNA, it has to come from some living thing, and I have a horrible feeling that Gamzee spliced his own DNA into the sequence. Why else would he call it HONK?

@skelekingfeddy asked: ‘…the fucking bow-tie! He’s wearing Cal’s Alternian clothes! The proof’s been staring us in the face this entire time, and we were none the wiser!’ look at what regular cal is wearing underneath his blue ‘CAL’ shirt :)

My guy's been pulling the long con.

@morganwick asked: "#but now that i have an antimatter pellet I can feed it to my bees. they can create nuclear waste honey without all the fission rigmarole" Minecraft, Sollux style. (Or maybe Minecraft, Problem Sleuth style?)

Sollux would be a Productive Bees specialist, wouldn't he? That, alongside every computer mod in existence.

@elkian asked: Sorry if I'm the 80th person to mention this but Vriska's 8r8k could also refer to the act of shooting the cue ball at the group of pool balls at the start of a game, known as a "break". @ben-guy asked: Fun fact: In pool terms, the "8r8k" actually refers to the opening shot that sends all the balls flying everywhere. Additional fun fact: The game of pool has a history of being used as a metaphor for causality, which lends some interesting metaphorical weight to Doc Scratch as a cue ball.

Oh, that's true - pool balls are often used as an analogy when talking about causality. Surprising that that's never occurred to me before.

I like to think that when the Felt storm a rival gang's lair as a group, they call their maneuver The Break.

@manorinthewoods asked: Oh my god, Aradia uses Jack to go to the Green Sun. That's such a cool detail. It's so fast, I didn't even see it. To be fair, although the timing is ridiculously impressive, Aradia is both a god and specifically a god of time. Although it's never stated, perfect timing is an obvious power for Time God Tiers to have, which does mean that Aradia would be a half-Flechette. ~LOSS (18/7/24)

And Kanaya's a fashion designer, too. Aradia x Kanaya when?

Anonymous asked: Hey, unfortunately the reqs list link seems to be janked out on my mobile client so I hope this is ok but if you haven't already heard of it I highly highly reccomend Jon Bois' 17776: What Football Will Look Like In the Future It's about football in the same sort of way that homestuck is about video games

Love that story - and I still have to read the sequel, actually!

Anonymous asked: Forwarding another question from the person without a Tumblr account: ~DJ. [I think the change in Equis and Nepeta's behavior is explained by "being together and solving problems together for a long time was great for Equius' and Nepeta's relationship" and "the destruction of Alternia helped Equius realize some facets of Alternian culture he believed where false" (because unlike Eridan he is able to change his mind about stuff like this). - RM]

I really want to see what Equius and Nepeta got up to for a month, as well as all the other trolls. It'd be great to get an 'untold stories of Homestuck' anthology at some point - and hopefully, that's something we'll see in some of Homestuck's tie-in media.

Anonymous asked: I’ve been thinking about Bec prototyping himself and I think I’ve got an answer that works for me - not necessarily the whole answer or the only answer, but I think it’s got something. Basically, Bec knows he can’t / shouldn’t get rid of the meteor entirely (he came down in a meteor that built the frog ruins, so even if we’re just going off what he’s experienced we can say that he probably on some level understands that these meteors landing is important) but he also understands he doesn’t have the type of power or the finesse with that power to only delay it until Jade can take the shot. After all, he could’ve just teleported the living room junk to a different part of the house, but he sent it into deep space because his doggy brain can only deal in absolutes when it comes to perceived danger to his best friend, and the only power we’ve seen First Guardians use (to my recollection) that would in any way help with slowing the meteor is teleportation. He can’t reliably teleport it back only far enough that it will keep falling, but won’t yet land, and he doesn’t have anything else at his disposal - except becoming a sprite, who we’ve seen use beam attacks, which allows Bec to push the meteor back as a delaying measure. Don’t know if he knew it would help so specifically, but even so, I can see Bec understanding it as the only option he has that isn’t either ‘send thing as far away as possible’ or ‘let thing squish most beloved person’. I do think the weakest parts of this theory are What Bec Understands, but puzzling through that devilbeast’s thoughts is hardly a new impossibility. If nothing else, we can all understand that he did this to save Jade, because he loves her, and we love him for that. -Megido (am a new anon, just spent the past couple days catching up and have enjoyed this liveblog immensely)

I think this theory is a good one, and Hussie's comments support it.

The meteor needed to be destroyed in a very specific way for the timeline to retain its integrity, and Bec should instinctively know that, born from Sburb as he is.

Anonymous asked: There are three lenses I think you can view troll romance through: the Xenopsychology lens, the Propaganda lens, and the Parody lens. The Xenopsychology lens is that trolls do in fact experience alien emotions which cannot be felt by humans. It's not just that troll society chooses to categorize the same types of feelings and relationships that humans have differently; these are genuinely unique and original emotions, like a new color that a human couldn't imagine. Describing kismesissitude as hatemance or rivalry or abuse, or moirallegiance as bromance or besties or queer platonic partnership, or auspisticism as third wheeling or mom friending or refereeing are all fundamentally incorrect, because there is no human analogue. You can take this a step further and say that matespritship is also fundamentally different from human romance, even if it appears similar. Therefore all attempts to analyze or write troll romance should be forays into xenofiction, attempting to understand things within a nonhuman framework. The Propaganda lens is that actually troll emotions aren't really any different than human ones, but the quadrant system benefits the hemocasteist militaristic empire by keeping trolls divided enough to become either fucked up killers or submissive victims by the time they reach maturity, but have the minimum support structure needed to actually reach maturity. Kismesissitude is fundamentally unhealthy, auspisticism serves as a counterbalance to keep everyone from killing each other, and moirallegiance serves to prevent trolls from having multiple close friendships or from being fully open with their matesprit by arbitrarily sequestering who it’s appropriate to have certain positive interactions with. None of this is really romance except the one that’s analogous to human romance, but trolls are raised to buy into the system under threat of death. It’s hard to form community and contemplate uprising if everyone confines the meaningful relationships in their life to like 4-5 other people, half of which are based on negative interactions. Also it’s a commentary on how human rules about love and relationships and where the platonic ends and romantic or sexual starts are socially enforced rather than wholly natural and can be arbitrary and unhealthy. Anonymous asked: The Parody lens is that this is all Hussie making fun of fandom shipping tropes. All sufficiently devoted rivalries are actually romantic love. All sufficiently strong friendships are actually romantic love. These two are so hopelessly oblivious to the fact that they actually want to get with the guy they hate, or that the other person they think just wants to be friends actually feels the same way, they need a third party to push them together. (Okay this one doesn’t work because auspisticism seems to basically be the opposite of that? Maybe auspisticism is supposed to be like, contrived elimination of competing romantic options to assure an OTP. Idk if anyone really knows what auspisticism is supposed to be, least of all Hussie.) Also because this was early 2010’s Hussie, there’s maybe a certain level on which trolls being societally obliged to polyamory and bisexuality is also making fun of shippers, although if it was I think Hussie turned around pretty quickly to actually being cool about it. Much like how light is a wave, and a particle, and a ray, all of these are true at different times. This is because the nature of Hussie's writing is that even when things are serious business, they are also jokes. And this is also why the Homestuck fandom will never agree on the correct way to understand and depict the quadrants.

Great breakdown. As you could probably predict, I lean a lot more towards the Propaganda lens, with a healthy dose of Parody mixed in.

The Xenopsychology lens isn't necessarily untrue - it's just that, as I've discussed before, the trolls read as extremely human to me. I honestly believe that if you raised a human on Alternia, they'd probably be compelled to form the same quadrants as everyone else.

I once got an ask stating that, according to Hussie, each of the quadrants are meant to be exaggerated versions of human relationship dynamics. I'd really like to check out that full quote, so if anyone's got a link, send it my way!

[aitadjcrazytimes]

It's been a good run

But it's time to bring this to a close!

The saga is over, C, T and I are all together. T and I are in the swing of it, C approves as much as it is possible for him to approve of anything, everyone knows about the blog and is chill.

C is back at his rightful place of walking his sister down the aisle.

I'm getting everything I want, and we're all free to make each other miserable until the day we die.

I'm not going to be updating this blog anymore! Nobody else involved with the situation will be submitting any more AITA posts either, because they are either not on tumblr or agreed it would be annoying.

I will say that there is some stuff on here that I've alluded to that isn't necessarily 100% in the spirit of things, so I've included some stuff below the cut for the folks who have caught onto that. I would not suggest reading it if you like how all of this played out and want to keep it that way. I know that's incredibly vague, but I'm not sure how to phrase it without making it weird?

Thank you all for listening and talking to me over the past few days! That's where I'm leaving it!

...

...

...

...Is everyone who wants to keep believing in the disaster polycule gone? Yes? OK!

So, this was fake. I made up the whole thing. TK and C and T and everyone else are fictional characters. Did I lie? Yes. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Q: All of it? Even the og AITA post? The followup AITA post? The screenshots?

A: All of it.

Q: Wh... Why did you do this...?

A: Well, first this all started as a Red vs Blue fanfic for the ship Chexer (Church/Tex/Tucker)-

It started as a fanfic for Chexer. However, I was already working on a different fanfic for RVB that was totalling about 15k words at this point (+ at least 90k to go), and I knew I would never have the time or energy to write this one. I thought: yknow. this would be really funny as an aita post.

Q: It was a fanfic of a Halo fanfic series.

A: Yep!

So, I submitted Tucker's perspective. I did not expect for it to get more than maybe 100 notes at most. I totally thought someone would call it out right away.

The funny part is, if I'd dedicated all this energy to a fic instead of this blog, I'd probably have about 15-20 thousand words of fic already, but whatever, can't ruin my personal day!

Also, I wanted to see how many people would figure it out/how long it would take for it to become too obvious that this was a fandom thing. I was dropping names and RvB lore since the beginning. A few people did figure it out, and I DMed them in private to let them know.

Q: But why make the blog then?

A: Because I love to lie and be a nuisance to the general populace! <3

It was always my intent to wait until Carolina's perspective got posted (i am honestly still shocked i got away with "Carey/Georgia/West Virginia/Alabama/Miss Louisiana 1988"), let it simmer for about a day, then come clean. Which is what I'm doing now!

The reason I'm coming clean now instead of dragging it out is because I don't want anyone to feel stupid or like they got duped. You're not stupid! You were a part of this story! This was, as one anon said, a creative writing project. It was a collaboration! Thank you so much for helping me!

That said, I'm sorry to anyone that finds this disappointing! I had a blast doing this, but I will not be doing it again. I have gotten my fill. I have had my taste of being an influencer, and now I can go on with my life without ever feeling like I need to start a youtube channel.

Q: How did you keep up with a consistent timeline?

A: I didn't, especially at first. But in my time as a liar who lies about things, I have found that usually people are willing to believe you when you say "yeah, i lied about that".

Q: Wait, what about the thing with your kid?

A: Yeah, I fucked up on this one. In the other fic I was/am writing, Tucker was around 33. So, when I was saying what Junior's age was, I subtracted it from 33 and got 18. It wasn't until I was showing my partner the blog and they said "Wait, he had his kid at 13??????" that I realized I had fucked up. Oops!

Q: Was it really ALL fake?

A: For the most part. I will say that I did actually drop chocolate cake all over my tits that one time and had to shower by myself like a fucking loser. That one was true. I did also get my nails done for the first time ever, which did actually affect my typing. And I am in a band (but so is Tucker, canonically)! There are a few other things as well, but I don't want to list all of them.

Q: DID you ever read homestuck?

A: Nope. And I never will.

Even the title, though I will say that the title I came up with was "Leonard "Alpha Bitch" Church's Decidedly Not Lo-Fi Beats to Get Nasty and Get Clean To: The Movie"

Q: So there was never a combination sex/bathtime playlist?

A: Maybe! But perhaps more accurately: the combination sex/bathtime playlist was inside of you all along. You can make it. There are only three songs on there that are canon to the lore of this blog. Those are No Children by The Mountain Goats, Take It Out On Me by Thousand Foot Krutch, and one unknown song from the album Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV by Coheed and Cambria (Yep, the call was coming from inside the house, I gave Church my music taste). I had intended this to be Wake Up, but it's out of my hands now. The rest is yours to fill in.

Q: What's your main blog, so I can follow you?

A: Hi, this is aitadjcrazytimes. You're not getting that.

Q: Your AO3 handle?

A: Nope, not that either.

You will never find me. And that's the way I want it. You will see me in every blog. Every new follower. Every stranger you meet on the street. You will look into your discord kitten's eyes, and you will absently wonder if he was the one behind aitadjcrazytimes. And you will never know for certain.

Q: But-

A: Let me live on in your memory. The only person who knows both who I am and the fact that I did this is my partner, who is not into RvB or commonly on tumblr. I am not a RvB blog. I am not a writing blog. I am a nobody on the fringes of tumblr society who's been here long enough to know how to remain in the shadows.

And, even if you do manage to find me, against all odds:

No one will ever believe you.

I am closing my askbox. I am also closing my messages. If you have anything to say to Tucker or Me (tumblr user aitadjcrazytimes), you are welcome to do so in the replies or reblogs, but you will not be receiving an answer. I'll keep this blog up for anyone that wants to go through after the fact and do a deep dive or what have you.

Thanks to everyone who made this into the wild ride it was! Live long and get fucked or whatever! Xoxo <3

[mikavlcs]

Breathe

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x asthmatic!fem!reader

Summary: A sudden run in with the Hyde induces an asthma attack. Luckily, Wednesday is there to help you.

Warnings: asthma attack(?), this is kinda rushed and not proofread lol, author does not have asthma but tried their best to research, this also makes no sense with the timeline of the show...ignore that<3

Word count: 2.8k

Notes: late post lol but this was a request from two weeks ago. sorry for the wait anon, but i still hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

Having a partner in her investigation was something Wednesday never planned on.

She had started it alone because she was the only one to see Rowan’s death, and apparently, the only one to believe it actually happened.

Besides you.

The first time you approached Wednesday about what happened that night, she simply walked away. But you kept coming back, kept insisting that your knowledge of outcasts and creatures could help her.

After a week of your attempts, she did spill some of the details to you, only because she was desperate for you to just shut up. 

But you surprised her. Greatly.

Once she showed you one of Xavier’s paintings she stole, you were the one that correctly identified the monster as a Hyde. You confirmed that the Hyde was indeed a person and that Hydes always acted on the whims of their masters.

Despite her initial impression of you, you had provided crucial information to the case and made yourself an imperative part of it moving forward.

Before she knew it, she was spending more and more time with you.

When she found a new lead, you were informed as soon as possible. Your opinions and insight became important to her, though if you asked her she would vehemently deny that. And your presence in her dorm became so normal, that Enid and Thing would inquire about your whereabouts when you weren’t there.

Though she’d love to say otherwise, the two of you had grown somewhat close. Which is why she wasn’t entirely surprised to find out that you were asthmatic.

The time you spent together allowed her to notice many things about you and she noticed the ways your condition manifested itself in your behaviors within weeks of properly partnering with you.

You tended to avoid strenuous exercise, something she never thought twice about because she too had no love for exercise or physical sports of any kind. But that combined with the rather persistent cough you had some days and the vague panic she saw in your eyes whenever that cough got particularly heavy made her aware that something was off.

Your reasoning for not telling her about it upfront was some ridiculous fear that she would kick you off the investigation if she found out about your asthma.

But she didn’t, she only demanded you give her one of your spare inhalers.

Not because she personally cared about your well-being, that would be ludicrous. She simply wouldn’t allow you to die because of something as pathetic as your own forgetfulness.

You were her partner, after all, and you dying would significantly affect her investigation. Which is the same thought process she followed from that point on when she found herself studying you.

Wednesday would observe you throughout the day, taking note of how clear your breathing was or how much you coughed, and if you were having issues, she would try to deduce why.

Weather conditions, she found, had a particularly damning effect on you. Things like air temperature and density affected your asthma greatly, and the moment she realized this, she began making adjustments to her investigation to better suit your health.

During stormy days when the humidity in the air was almost stifling, she would ask you to help put together a crime board in her dorm.

She would insist on doing research in the library on colder days since the frigid air could be a trigger for you.

The spare inhaler you gave her gained permanent residence in her bag, going everywhere that she did in case there was an emergency of some kind.

And this ended up paying off greatly when the two of you journeyed into the forest to find the cave in one of Xavier’s drawings.

Wednesday was very hesitant to let you come along in the first place.

There was a myriad of factors that fed into her reasoning, your asthma being one of the largest. But your arguments were not without their merit.

The weather was clear, the sun shining bright without a cloud in the sky to impede it, and the Hyde hadn’t made an appearance in weeks. And while that was true, there was still an inherent danger in the situation.

You absolutely refused to take no for an answer, following her around and bothering her (more so than usual) all day.

Part of her still wanted to refuse while another wanted to give up and accept your company. Your guidance and knowledge weren’t necessary for this, especially given your lack of knowledge about the layout of Jericho’s forests.

But as much as she wished it was, Wednesday couldn’t deny that the idea of spending more time with you wasn’t entirely unappealing.

So she gave in and allowed you to join her, on the condition that you both brought along an inhaler for you. You agreed with some light grumbling, and you both set off into the woods.

The two of you had been roaming through the forest for about twenty minutes—Wednesday closely reading Eugene’s directions while you leisurely followed, offering the occasional (bad) joke to fill the silence.

You were in the middle of one of those jokes when a sound in the distance made you both freeze.

Wednesday turned, met your wide eyes, and looked in the direction of the sound. She waited, watching closely for any type of movement.

There was a moment of stillness then a twig snapped, the sound closer than the last. More silence ensued and Wednesday quietly inched toward you, positioning herself in front of you. A beat. Then a long scratching sound cut through the air, like something sharp—a claw perhaps was carving through the bark of a nearby tree.

Wednesday’s hand found your wrist, and she barely had the time to properly look at you before a thunderous roar tore through the forest and she was taking off in the opposite direction, pulling you with her.

Trees whizzed past in a blur as she, and in turn, you raced through the forest. Wednesday wasted no time trying to identify the creature following them. She knew that roar. She heard it the night Rowan died.

It was the Hyde, finally reappeared after weeks of inactivity to antagonize you two. Intentionally? Possibly. But she wasn’t going to fully delve into her theories until both of you were safe.

She didn’t dare look back and risk losing her footing on an unseen tree root or rock, but she could hear the monster giving chase behind her, leading her to increase her pace and tighten her grip on your wrist. The two of you ran at a steady pace for minutes on end, only slowing slightly when Wednesday felt you stumble behind her.

Finally, the sounds of the Hyde’s pursual faded but Wednesday only brought you both to a stop once they had long since stopped and she was sure it wasn’t there anymore.

She ignored the fire coursing through her legs in favor of taking in her surroundings, both watching and listening keenly for any sign of the monster and finding none.

“Alright, I think it’s gone, we should…” Her words faded when she saw you stagger in her peripheral.

Confused, she turned to you and finally took in your state. You were unsurprisingly sweaty and short of breath, but the redness of your face was beginning to give way to an unnatural paleness. Again, you stumbled, your pants turning to choked coughs, and only when she saw your chest stutter did she realize what was happening.

Her confusion morphed into horror, and she was by your side in a second.

She guided you to sit against a nearby tree, and you all but collapsed against the raised roots, harsh wheezes escaping you as your hands fumbled toward your pocket. Wednesday watched, puzzled, as you froze, your eyes widening.

The realization hit her a moment later. Your inhaler was in your right pocket, she knew because she watched you put it there and she was just noticing how flat that pocket now was.

“It isn’t there?”

You started to speak but your chest constricted, swallowing your words, so you instead shook your head violently. The tears in your eyes made Wednesday’s own chest ache, and that pushed her into action.

Tearing her bag off her back, she dug around its contents for your spare inhaler, desperately tossing her things out of the way. She struggled for about twenty seconds before finally finding it.

Like you showed her, she flipped the inhaler upright, shook it firmly, then brought it up to your mouth, her other hand moving to gently cup your cheek.

You breathed in as best you could as she gave a puff, weakly gripping her wrist as you watched her mentally count to thirty. Once she reached thirty, she shook the inhaler again and gave you another puff.

She repeated this process three more times before you shook your head, grip on her wrist tightening. Reluctantly, she dropped her hand and examined you.

Your breath was coming in short, deep gasps, but you were breathing again and that’s all she cared about at the moment. Intent eyes watched as your chest fell and rose from her knees in front of you, refusing to move until she knew for certain it was over.

Eventually, your hand released her wrist, and she hesitantly brought her hand back to her side. You looked up at her, the tears from before gone.

“I-I guess you could say…that you took my breath away,” you gasped out, a smile beginning to form on your face again.

Wednesday rolled her eyes so hard it hurt.

You were fine. She ignored the rush of relief she felt at the fact.

A few minutes passed and, slowly but surely, your breathing began to return to its normal pace. Wednesday observed you closely, eyes still focused on the increasingly steady rise and fall of your chest while her own heart rate decreased.

Shakily, you brought a hand to rest on your stomach, a groan falling from your lips. Wednesday inhaled sharply.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, eyes scanning you hurriedly.

You sighed, tired and heavy.

“I’m hungry.”

Wednesday rolled her eyes again, swallowing a quiet scoff. Of course, you were hungry. When weren’t you?

Shaking her head, she dropped the inhaler back into her bag and slipped it back onto her back. She reached over to grab your arm and stood, pulling you to your feet with her. “Fine, then we’ll get you food when we return to campus.”

“Oh? ‘We’ will?” you drawled, and Wednesday could practically hear the infuriating smirk you had on your face. With a sadistic smile of her own, she turned to you.

“I could always just leave you here. I’m sure you know the way back to Nevermore from here, right?”

Pride surged through her at the way you stammered. She didn’t bother giving you the chance to properly respond, snatching your sleeve and pulling you forward with her. “Let’s go, it’ll be dark soon.”

Knowing you were still a bit shaky on your feet, Wednesday walked slower than usual. It would take longer to get back to school, but there were still a few hours of daylight left so it didn’t matter much.

The walk was quiet. You were less talkative than normal, but she supposed that wasn’t surprising given the circumstances. Every so often she’d peer over at you to make sure you weren’t overexerting yourself in any way and find you just admiring the forest around you. She blamed the warmth in her chest on fatigue.

Throughout the journey, she kept a firm grip on your sleeve, valiantly ignoring the way her heartbeat accelerated whenever her fingers brushed your wrist. 

Around an hour later, Nevermore came into view and, as promised, the cafeteria was your first stop upon your return to the school. Dinner was in an hour, so the kitchen staff initially refused to give you anything until dinner.

Wednesday just glared until they gave in.

You ate your food in silence. Wednesday watched your every move only looking away to glare again at the kitchen staff whenever they looked in your direction.

The moment you were finished, she took your sleeve captive again and dragged you to Ophelia Hall. She was bringing you to rest in her dorm, only so she could monitor your state and make sure you didn’t die in her sleep.

When you arrived, she all but yanked you inside, locking the door behind her. She ventured to her desk and set her bag down while you kicked your shoes off and looked around, eyes settling on the other, uglier side of the room.

“Where’s Enid?”

“Doing god knows what with Yoko,” she answered, striding up to you and tugging your blazer off. You sputtered, the beginnings of a question on your tongue but she silenced you with a glare. She hung your blazer on the headboard and pushed you onto her bed.

“Rest.”

You blinked owlishly. “What?”

Jaw clenched, Wednesday grabbed your shoulder and shoved you onto your back. “Lay down and rest. You’re exhausted, I can see it.”

And she could. She easily saw it in the hunch of your shoulders and the way your eyes drooped the moment your head hit her pillow. You looked like you wanted to put up a fight but after another moment of her glaring, you sighed.

“Fine. But only for a bit, I’m not stealing your bed for the night.”

She nodded. “Good.”

Wednesday promptly returned to her desk and sat down, loading a piece of paper into the carriage of her typewriter so she could begin writing. She was already behind because of your voraciousness, she refused to waste any more time.

While she typed her first few sentences, she could feel your eyes on her. She paid it no mind, her focus entirely on her story. Until your voice reached her ears.

“Hey, Wednesday?”

She didn’t even bother to pause her work, addressing you while her fingers moved swiftly across the keys. “What?”

“Do you think you would let me read your novels?”

Wednesday paused her typing, giving you a sideways glance. Her answer should be no. She had never let anyone read her novels (besides incompetent publishers) but the thought of you reading them didn’t fill her with disgust.

She thought about it for another moment, then answered. “Perhaps.”

A soft laugh came from your direction. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see you smiling widely, and it took all of her innate self-control to not turn and look.

She redirected her thoughts to Viper and her current mystery. Thoughts of your laugh were slowly replaced with the bloody crime scene Viper was investigating and just when she was getting back into her rhythm, you spoke up again.

“Wednesday?”

With a sigh, she once again turned away from her typewriter to face you. “Yes?”

“Thank you,” you whispered, sending a sickeningly tender smile in her direction.

Her words caught in her throat, face getting oddly warm at the soft look in your eyes. She forced a nod, taking another moment to just look at you before returning her gaze forward.

Silence overtook the room again, the soft clacking of the typewriter the only sound to be heard. When Wednesday finally gave in and allowed her eyes to drift to you, she found you finally asleep.

You looked relaxed, even the minuscule tension she saw on you throughout the day was absent in your dreamless sleep. The smile you had before you drifted off waned as your muscles relaxed, but the shadow of it remained and Wednesday was still as captivated with it as she was before.

Once again summoning all of her self-control, Wednesday tore her eyes off of you and set them back on her typewriter, still intent on finishing her dedicated hour for her novel.

By the end of her writing hour, she had only managed to finish five pages. Meager compared to her usual daily output, but she couldn’t bring herself to be upset when you were feet away from her, sleeping in her bed without a worry in the world.

She didn’t look at you directly but she did push her chair back a bit and turn it in your direction, quietly grabbing a book she was in the middle of and flipping it open on her lap.

Wednesday placidly skimmed the pages while taking small, occasional glances at you over the book. Just to make sure you were still breathing, of course.

As she read, her mind constantly went back to your question from earlier. Should she grace you with the opportunity to read her work? A brief internal debate gave her the answer she was searching for.

Turning, Wednesday opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out the manuscript for her first novel, setting it on her desk beside her. When you woke up, she would give it to you along with a gruesome threat to your life if you made any stupid comments or told anyone about her letting you read it.

(Begrudgingly, she looked forward to hearing your thoughts on her story.)

Until then, she would keep watch and continue to make sure that nothing brought your demise before she did.

[taylor-on-your-dash]

Writing of 1989 Timeline

1989 changed Taylor's career forever. If Red had just sprinkles of pop sounds, 1989 was marketed as a pure pop album from the get-go.

While many fans and critics kind of expected that, it seems like:

Taylor didn't have a clear direction from the start (except for the cohesiveness): “I wanted it to be a sonically cohesive album, and it ended up really being the first I’ve done since Fearless. I also wanted the songs to sound exactly how the emotions felt. I know that’s pretty vague, so I really didn’t know where it was going to go, but I knew that I wanted to work with the collaborators I had such crazy electricity with on Red, like Max Martin. I wanted to do some things that sounded nothing like what we had done before.”

She knew that she didn't want another Red: “When people say that they like one of my albums, like when people told me that Red was their favorite album I'd done, I didn't take that as, 'So, I should make that again'. I took that as, 'Great, awsome, now I wanna make them like this new album just as much if not more than the last album.' But I want them to like it for different reasons.”

She was worried about the change of direction of her music: “I worry about everything. Some days I wake up in a mind-set of, like, ‘Okay, it’s been a good run.’ By afternoon, I could have a change of mood and feel like anything is possible and I can’t wait to make this kind of music I’ve never made before. And then by evening, I could be terrified of the whole thing again. And then at night, I’ll write a song before bed.”

October 17, 2012: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor writes This Love in LA. This will be the last song produced by Nathan Chapman and the only one recorded in Nashville.

“The last time I wrote a poem that ended up being a song, I was writing in my journal and I was writing about something that had happened in my life – it was about a year ago – and I just wrote this really really short poem. It said, 'This love is good /this love is bad / this love is alive back from the dead / these hands had to let it go free / and this love came back to me.' And I just wrote it down, closed the book and put it back on my night stand […] All of a sudden in my head I just started hearing this melody happen, and then I realized that it was going to be a song.”

Handwritten lyrics:

November 18, 2012: Taylor meets Jack Antonoff and his band, fun., for the first time in Frankfurt, Germany, while at the MTV Europe Music Awards. They bond over 80s music.

January 4, 2013: Taylor is seen in a boat without Harry Styles, ready to return to LA from the Virgin Islands.

She will wear the same dress in the Out Of The Woods music video (and also in Look What You Made Me Do)

January 10, 2013: Taylor tweets "Back in the studio. Uh oh...". She will confirm that the song was All You Had To Do Was Stay on October 27, 2014 on Tumblr.

Candids here;

“There’s a song on my album called 'All You Had To Do Was Stay.' I was having this dream, that was actually one of those embarrassing dreams, where you’re mortified in the dream, you’re like humiliated. In the dream, my ex had come to the door to beg for me to talk to him or whatever, and I opened up the door and I went to go say, 'Hi,' or 'What are you doing here?' or something — something normal — but all that came out was this high-pitched singing that said, 'Stay!' It was almost operatic. So I wrote this song, and I used that sound in the song. Weird, right? I woke up from the dream, saying the weird part into my phone, figuring I had to include it in something because it was just too strange not to. In pop, it’s fun to play around with little weird noises like that.”

January 11, 2013: Taylor is seen again at Conway Studios, likely to continue working on All You Had To Do Was Stay.

January 15, 2013: Taylor posts a picture of herself in the studio, with the caption "Somewhere in LA". She'll later reveal that she was writing How You Get The Girl.

“The song ‘How You Get The Girl’ is a song that I wrote about how you get the girl back if you ruined the relationship somehow and she won’t talk to you anymore. Like, if you broke up with her and left her on her own for six months and then you realize you miss her. All the steps you have to do to edge your way back into her life, because she’s probably pretty mad at you. So it’s kind of a tutorial. If you follow the directions in the song, chances are things will work out. Or you may get a restraining order.”

March 6, 2013: Taylor is seen going to a studio in LA.

March 23, 2013: Taylor posts a picture of herself playing guitar, which might mean that she was working on a new song: "Pre show. Columbia, South Carolina". This could be either Wonderland, New Romantics or a vault song.

May 27, 2013: While in Rhode Island for the Memorial Day weekend, Jack plays Taylor an instrumental track that will later become I Wish You Would.

“'I Wish You Would’ is a song that I wrote with Jack Antonoff and it was the first song we ever worked on together. I think, for this song, we wanted to create a sort of John Hughes movie visual with pining and, you know, one person’s over here and misses the other person but is too prideful and won’t say it. Meanwhile this other person is here and missing the same person; they’re missing each other but not saying it. And I had this happen in my life and so I wanted to kind of narrate it in a very cinematic way where it’s like you’re seeing two scenes play out and then in the bridge you’re seeing the final scene, where it resolves itself. So it says, 'It’s a crooked love in a straight line down, makes you wanna run and hide but it makes you turn right back around.’ It kind of is like that dramatic love that’s never really quite where it needs to be and that tension it creates.”

[Voice Memo Intro Transcript] “This is another way I’ve written songs recently. This is a song I did with Jack Antonoff, and Jack is one of my friends and so were hanging out and he pulled out his phone and goes ‘I made this amazing track the other day. It’s so cool, I love these guitar sounds.’ And he played it for me and immediately I could hear this finished song in my head, and I just said ‘Please, please let me have that. Let me play with it, send it to me.’ And so he sent it to me and I was on tour and this was me playing the track on my laptop recording me singing the vocal into my phone and it ended up being a song called 'I Wish You Would', because Jack wrote back and said ‘I love that’. So this is another way of writing, it’s writing to track.”

[Secret Sessions] “Taylor said that she wrote ‘I Wish You Would’ a couple of months after her and Harry Styles broke up, and they decided to become friends again and she said this was the first time she had become friends with an ex, to the point where they were comfortable enough to talk about why the relationship didn’t work out. She said he told her about how, after they broke up, he bought a house literally one road adjacent to hers. Every day he would drive home, and accidentally turn into her street, and he told her how he just wanted to stop at her house and see her, but he never did. She said this song is about while he was in the car making the decision to get out the car and see her, she was sitting in her bedroom, wishing he would make the move and go back to her and just pitch up at her house. She compared it to a classic John Hughes movie where both parties want the same thing but neither has the guts to say anything. Honestly, she spoke so fondly of that relationship.” [this is from a secret sessioner and therefore it should be taken with a grain of salt]

Between May 28 and June 2, 2013: Taylor writes I Wish You Would. She settled in Rhode Island basically all summer, so it's possible that she went to Jack's studio in New York by car without being seen and especially photographed, cause I couldn't find any pictures with the same outfit. Conway Studios are also credited but it's possible that she recorded background vocals there. Taylor was in LA in late August.

June 7, 2013: During an interview at the CMA Music Festival, Taylor confirms that she has started writing her next album.

[Transcript by me] “[The new album] is starting, all the anxiety is starting and when the anxiety starts, then the writing happens right afterward usually. I like to write for about two years before I'm finished with an album because at this point I kind of know that whenever I read in the first year is going to get away, because I'm going to like it but it's going to sound a little bit like the last project I had, and the second year usually ends up sounding like the next project. So I think at this point I feel like staying the same is the easy way to go but it's not the way that I want to go creatively. I think you need to challenge yourself, I think you need to change up your influences, I think you need to be inspired by different things that you've been inspired by before. It's harder to call people you don't know, it's harder to think of topics you haven't covered and think of new ways to say old emotions that everyone feels. I think one of the things that I'm happiest with in the last year is the acceptance level in country music for me experimenting and for me trying to evolve and challenge myself musically because I think it's never felt better to be on that stadium stage performing knowing that and so welcoming of change.”

July 13, 2013: After a show in New Jersey, Taylor has an interview with Rolling Stone, where she says that she has been writing a lot.

“The floodgates just opened the last couple weeks,” she says of the songwriting process. “I’m getting to that point where I’m irritating to be around because I’ll be with you for half the conversation and then the second half of the conversation I’m clearly editing the second verse of whatever I’m writing in my head. I really loved collaborating: you work with a lot of different people and you find the people you have this dream connection with in the studio. I know those people and I know the ones I want to go back to. But I also have a really long list of the people I admire and I would really love to go and contact. So that’s kind of where that is. I think that the idea of having a different approach to every single one of my albums is so exciting to me. I never want to make the same record twice. Why do it? What’s the point? It’s so overwhelming that when you’re starting a project there are such endless possibilities if you’re willing to evolve and experiment. If you’re willing to become a different version of yourself, you can really go anywhere with it. And that’s kind of where I am. The kind of the laboratory experimental stage of really catching onto a new thing that I’m liking.”

Somewhere around June and early September 2013: Taylor and Jack write Sweeter Than Fiction. No credits are available but we know that it's the second song on which Taylor and Jack worked, so that places it before I Wish You Would and Out Of The Woods.

In 2014, Lena Dunham (Jack's girlfriend at the time) posted this photo of Jack and Taylor working on the song at Jack's house.

September 15, 2013: Jack completes the instrumental track that will later become Out Of The Woods, after his show was cancelled.

[Jack Antonoff] “When I did the track for Out of the Woods, which is a Taylor song that I'm really proud of, there was some issue at a venue and our show was canceled that night and I didn't have my stuff, I had left it on the bus, so I only had these old samples on what was on my laptop, and caught up that 'oh oh'' thing, and I only had one drum kit on there, and these dumb little things sometimes turn into a great song.”

Somewhere around September and October 2013: Taylor writes Out Of The Woods.

Voice memo here;

[Jack Antonoff] Although Antonoff and Swift shared studio time for some of their other 1989 songs while working throughout 2014, “Out of the Woods” was completed as a long-distance collaboration. “She’s very natural -— when she gets an idea, it just happens very quickly. I would send her these tracks, and when an idea would happen, we’d be 5,000 miles apart or whatever, but she would start emailing me these voice notes like crazy and it would just be happening so quickly that there’d be this excitement. There’s a frantic feeling in the song,” he says. “What’s interesting about ‘Out of the Woods’ is that it doesn’t really let up. It starts with a pretty big anthemic vocal sample that’s me, and then there’s a drum sample that kicks in that’s kind of huge, and then you don’t really know how you’re going to get any bigger, but then the chorus hits and it just explodes even larger. And then the bridge hits, and it gets even more huge.“When I was working on the track, I was thinking a lot about My Morning Jacket,” Antonoff continues, “and how everything they do, every sound is louder than the last, and somehow it feels like everything is just f—ing massive. And that’s the feeling that I went for. It started out big, and then I think the obvious move would have been to do a down chorus, but the idea was to keep pushing.” Antonoff is excited to share the rest of his work with Swift on 1989, but he views “Out of the Woods” as a highlight on the project. “This song means a great deal to me. On a production level, on a writing level, Taylor’s lyrics and her melodies — there’s something very important about this song.”

[Jack Antonoff] “After 'I Wish You Would' and 'Sweeter Than Fiction', we did 'Out Of The Woods'. So it was the third thing we worked on together, and probably the easiest. I sent her the track for it, and she sent back a voice note with the verse and chorus in what felt like five seconds. And it was just perfect. It's eerie how similar it is to what the final product is.”

“It kind of conjured up all these feelings of anxiety I had in a relationship where everybody was watching, everybody was commenting on it. You’re constantly just feeling like, ‘Are we out of the woods yet? What’s the next thing gonna be? What’s the next hurdle we’re gonna have to jump over?’ It was interesting to write about a relationship where you’re just honestly like, ‘This is probably not gonna last, but how long is it gonna last?’ Those fragile relationships... It doesn’t mean they’re not supposed to happen. The whole time we were having happy memories, or crazy memories, or ridiculously anxious times, in my head it was just like, ‘Are we okay yet? Are we there yet? Are we out of this yet?’”

“That line is in there because it's not only the actual, literal narration of what happened in a particular relationship I was in, it's also a metaphor. 'Hit the brakes too soon' could mean the literal sense of, we got in an accident and we had to deal with the aftermath. But also, the relationship ended sooner than it should've because there was a lot of fear involved. And that song touches on a huge sense of anxiety that was, kind of, coursing through that particular relationship, because we really felt the heat of every single person in the media thinking they could draw up the narrative of what we were going through and debate and speculate. I don't think it's ever going to be easy for me to find love and block out all those screaming voices.”

October 21, 2013: Sweeter Than Fiction is released. Big Machine was originally not on board with the release since they wanted a dormant period between album releases.

Late 2013: Taylor writes Bad Blood, after Katy Perry announces her Prismatic World Tour.

“For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not. She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, ‘Are we friends,or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?’ Then last year, the other star crossed a line. She did something so horrible. I was like, ‘Oh, we’re just straight-up enemies.’ And it wasn’t even about a guy! It had to do with business. She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour. She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me. And I’m surprisingly non-confrontational – you would not believe how much I hate conflict. So now I have to avoid her. It’s awkward, and I don’t like it.”

“That was about losing a friend... But then people cryptically tweet about what you meant. I never said anything that would point a finger in the specific direction of one specific person, and I can sleep at night knowing that. I knew the song would be assigned to a person, and the easiest mark was someone who I didn’t want to be labeled with this song. It was not a song about heartbreak. It was about the loss of friendship.”

October 20 to 22, 2013: Taylor is in Cape Town (South Africa) shooting The Giver. One of the members of the cast is Alexsander Skarsgård. He is said to have inspired Wildest Dreams (or at least he's the most popular theory, as far as I know), because the music video is set in Africa and it features Clint Eastwood's son Scott as love interest, just like Alexsander is actor Stellan Skarsgård's son, but we don't actually know more about the song.

“I think the way I used to approach relationships was very idealistic. I used to go into them thinking, ‘Maybe this is the one – we’ll get married and have a family, this could be forever’. Whereas now I go in thinking, ‘How long do we have on the clock – before something comes along and puts a wrench in it, or your publicist calls and says this isn’t a good idea?’”

Note: Selena Gomez was present when Taylor wrote this song.

Handwritten lyrics:

November 19, 2013: Taylor records Blank Space. This is based on the wall behind her on an Instagram post from this day, the credits, and the behind the scenes clip.

Voice memo here;

Behind the Scenes here;

“Every few years, the media finds something they unanimously agree is annoying about me. 2012-2013 they thought I was dating too much, because I dated two people in a year and a half. ‘Oh, a serial dater. She only writes songs to get emotional revenge on guys. She’s a man-hater, don’t let her near your boyfriend.’ It was kind of excessive and at first it was hurtful, but then I found a little bit of comedy in it. This character is so interesting, though. If you read these gossip sites, they describe how I am so opposite to my actual life: I’m clingy, and I’m awful, and I throw fits, and there’s drama. An emotionally fragile, unpredictable mess. I painted a whole picture of this character. She lives in a mansion with marble floors, she wears Dolce & Gabbana around the house, and she wears animal print unironically. So I created this whole character and I had fun doing it.”

November 21, 2013: While at the American Music Awards, Taylor tells Billboard that she has around seven or eight songs ready.

[Transcript] “We got a lot already,” says Swift. “There are probably seven or eight songs that I know I want on the record. It’s really ahead of schedule for me. I’m just stoked because it’s already evolved into a new sound, and that’s all I wanted. And I would have taken two years to make that happen, but it just kind of happened naturally, so that’s all I could really ask for.”

December 2013: Taylor meets Diane Warren and they write Say, Don't Go.

[Diane Warren to Rolling Stone] Warren, who typically writes on her own, says the two of them “sat down and wrote the song,” which was released Friday as one of 1989 (Taylor’s Version)‘s vault tracks, “from scratch” during the last few days of 2013. She remembers being impressed with how specific Swift was with her lyricism and how considerate she was about how her fans might receive it. “She was very particular about how she said certain things. It was a really interesting experience. She gets her audience,” Warren says. “She’s deeply aware of how her fans want to hear something. I can’t explain it, but that’s probably why she’s the biggest fucking star in the world.”

2013: Taylor writes New Romantics and Wonderland. Not much is known about these songs, except that they were both written in 2013.

[About New Romantics] “People will say, 'Let me set you up with someone', and I’m just sitting there saying, ‘That’s not what I’m doing. I’m not lonely. I’m not looking.’ They just don’t get it. I’ve learned that just because someone is cute and wants to date you, that’s not a reason to sacrifice your independence and allow everyone to say whatever they want about you. I’m not doing that anymore. It’d take someone really special for me to undergo the circumstances I have to go through to experience a date. I don’t know how I would ever have another person in my world trying to have a relationship with me, or a family.”

New Romantics handwritten lyrics:

Wonderland Handwritten lyrics:

January 1, 2014: Taylor records Say, Don't Go.

[Diane Warren to Rolling Stone] Several days after writing the song together, they got into Warren’s office to record a demo, where Swift played it on her acoustic guitar. “We demoed it on New Year’s Day. And I’m a workaholic, and that’s fine for me,” she says. “But I remember being impressed that she did, too. Everybody’s on vacation, but she showed up.”

January 6, 2014: Taylor decides to look for a house in New York.

[Lover Journal] LA. So I've decided I want to look at places in New York. I know I went through this phase months ago, but it has to mean something that i've circled back to it, right? You know what they say, if you love something let it go and if it comes back... blah blah blah. so I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. Dating is awful. Love is fiction/ a myth. I'm over it all.

January 21, 2014: Taylor sends Ryan Tedder the I Know Places Voice Memo.

January 22, 2014: [From the 1989 Booklet] Taylor and Ryan finish and record I Know Places.

“I had this idea of like, when you’re in love, along the lines of 'Out of the Woods’, it’s very precious, it’s fragile. As soon as the world gets ahold of it, whether it’s your friends or people around town hear about it... it’s kind of like the first thing people want to do when they hear that people are in love is just kind of try to ruin it. I kind of was in a place where I was like, ‘No one is gonna sign up for this. There are just too many cameras pointed at me. There are too many ridiculous elaborations on my life. It’s just not ever gonna work.‘ But I decided to write a love song, just kind of like, ‘What would I say if I met someone really awesome and they were like, hey, I’m worried about all this attention you get?’ So I wrote this song called ‘I Know Places’ about, ‘Hey, I know places we can hide. We could outrun them.’ I’m so happy that it sounds like the urgency that it sings.”

January 23, 2014: Taylor and Ryan Tedder write Welcome To New York. Ryan produces a demo in three hours. This demo is the one included in the album.

“I wanted to start 1989 with this song because New York has been an important landscape and location for the story of my life in the last couple of years. I dreamt and obsessed over moving to New York, and then I did it. The inspiration that I found in that city is hard to describe and to compare to any other force of inspiration I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s an electric city.”

[Ryan Tedder] “I thought we were going to walk in and start something from scratch because that's what I was used to. Then she calls me and says, 'Is it cool if I already have an idea?' I said, 'Sure.' She said, 'I have this song, I'm obsessed with New York and I just moved there, I want to write an ode to New York because no one's done it in a long time.' And then she sent me a voice memo. She's like, 'I want it to sound like the 1980s.' So the next day I brought in a Juno-106, which is a very 1980s keyboard, and I literally programmed that entire song right in front of her. It was very much on the fly, and that song was done in about three hours. And I did the rest of the production I think later that week.”

Handwritten lyrics:

January 26, 2014: Night of the 56th Grammy Awards. Taylor delivers a legendary performance of All Too Well, but loses the Album Of The Year Award to Random Access Memory by Daft Punk. This will prompt Taylor to make a "sonically cohesive" pop album.

[Lover Journal] January 25th. LA. It's the middle of the night and I was at the Clive Davis Party tonight which means... the Grammys are tomorrow. Never have I felt so good about our chances. Never have I wanted something as badly as I want to hear them say 'Red' is the Album of the Year.

“It was the night of the Grammys this year. I remember going home and playing a lot of the new music I had recorded for some of my backup singers and one of my best friends. We were all sitting in the kitchen and I was playing them all this music, and they were just saying, ‘You know, this is very eighties. It’s very clear to us that this is so eighties.’ We were just talking and talking about how it’s kind of a rebirth in a new genre, how that’s a big, bold step. Kind of starting a part of your career over. When they left that night, I just had this very clear moment of, ‘It’s gotta be called 1989.’”

“I woke up one morning at 4 a.m. and I decided the album is called 1989. I’ve been making ‘80s synth pop, I’m just gonna do that. I’m calling it a pop record. I’m not listening to anyone at my label. I’m starting tomorrow. I liked the idea of collaborating. But with 1989 I decided to narrow down the list. It wasn’t going to be 10 producers, it was going to be a very small team of four or five people I always wanted to work with, or loved working with. And Max Martin and I were going to oversee it, and we were going to make a sonically cohesive record again.”

January 2014: Taylor writes You Are In Love. This is actually speculation but it's based on (1) Taylor going to NY in early January and (2) Jack Antonoff confirming that it was the fourth song they did and (3) it's the only Antonoff-produced song that is copyrighted in 2014. Based on the credits, I'm pretty sure that Taylor and Jack worked on the song separately, with Jack recording the instrumental at the Jungle City Studios in NY (which is a studio that Jack used in 2014 to record Bleachers' first album Strange Desire) and Taylor recording the vocals at Conway Studio in LA.

“I wrote it with my friend Jack Antonoff who’s dating my friend Lena. Jack sent me this song, it was just an instrumental track he was working on and immediately I knew the song it needed to be. And I wrote it as a kind of commentary on what their relationship has been like. So it’s actually me looking and going, ‘This happened and that happened, then that happened and that’s how you knew you are in love.’”

“I’ve never had that, so I wrote that song about things that Lena Dunham has told me about her and Jack Antonoff. That’s just basically stuff she’s told me. And I think that that kind of relationship — God, it sounds like it would just be so beautiful — would also be hard. It would also be mundane at times.”

“We first worked on that song together and realized we kind of have a good thing, and the next thing we did was ‘Sweeter Than Fiction,’ which was on the [One Chance] soundtrack, and after that we did ‘Out of the Woods’ and another song called ‘You Are in Love.’

January 26, 2014: At the Grammy's, Diane Warren reveals that she and Taylor wrote a song together (aka Say, Don't Go).

[Transcript] “I worked with Taylor Swift on a great song. I don't even know what she's done [for her next album], I'm excited about the one that we did, it's pretty cool.”

[Billboard 2016 Interview] “I know [Swift] likes it, so hopefully it will see the light of day. I know she really likes the song. She didn’t want me to give it away, so hopefully that means she wants it.”

February 9, 2014: [From the 1989 Booklet] While in London, during the European leg of the Red Tour, Taylor and Imogen Heap write Clean in just 9 hours at Imogen's home studio. Taylor will sing the song just two times.

Voice memo here;

“'Clean' I wrote as I was walking out of Liberty in London. Someone I used to date – it hit me that I’d been in the same city as him for two weeks and I hadn’t thought about it. When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. And you know how it is when you’re going through heartbreak. A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours. It’s this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, ‘Hello, beautiful. Good morning.’ You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was. You replace these old habits with new habits, like texting your friends in a group chat all day, and planning fun dinner parties, and going out on adventures with your girlfriends, and then all of a sudden one day you’re in London and you realize you’ve been in the same place as your ex for two weeks and you’re fine. And you hope he’s fine. The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean.”

“'Clean' is the last song on the album for a lot of reasons, but mostly because it felt like the complication of this emotional process I’ve been going through for the last couple of years. You know, I feel like my personal life was really, really discussed, and criticized, and debated, and talked about to a point where it made me feel almost kind of tarnished, in a way. And the discussion wasn’t about music. It broke my heart that I had made an album that I was proud of, and I was touring the world, and playing sold-out stadiums, and still they managed to only want to talk about my personal life. At a certain point I felt a switch and it was at the end of recording this album that I began to feel like my life was mine again and my music was at the forefront again. I was living my life on my own terms and I really no longer cared what people were saying about me. That was when I started so see people talk less about the things that didn’t matter.”

“I had this metaphor in my head about being in this house, there’s been a drought but you feel like there’s a storm coming. Instead of trying to block out the storm you punch a hole in the roof and just let all the rain come in, and when you wake up in the morning, it’s washed away.”

[Imogen Heap] “We met at my studio in London. She had the bare bones of “Clean.” She had the lyric, the chorus and the chords. I thought it was brilliant.I was really writing the tiniest amount just to help her do what she does. I put some noises, played various instruments on it, including drums, and anytime she expressed she liked something I was doing, I did it more. It was a really fun day. She recorded all her vocals during that one session. She did two takes, and the second take was it. We always thought she would probably re-record it, because we thought it can’t possibly be that easy. But after we lived with it for a few months, we felt it was great. I knew she loved it. She said she loved it and her mum loved it. But I wasn’t sure it would be included on the album. But everyone felt it had something special. It came together really magically.”

Imogen's detailed blog entry about this songwriting session.

[Taylor about Imogen Heap] “The coolest thing about Imogen for me was that there was no one else in the studio. There was no assistant; there was no engineer. It was her doing everything.”

February 11, 2014: Taylor gets a haircut. (I'm including this for funsies)

February 15, 2014: Taylor, Max Martin and Shellback write Shake It Off.

Voice memo here;

[Lover Journal] LA. This week I've been in the studio with Max and Johan every day and it has been the most creatively successful and fulfilling time. The first day, Johan just made a really up tempo drum beat because we decided we needed something up and light. We worked at it for a few hours before i just started singing "shake it off, shake it off, shake it off" And then the best way i know how to describe it is that the chorus just fell out of the sky. It ended up being this song about doing your own thing even though haters are gonna hate, and you just have to dance to your own beat. We all went home and I wrote the first and second verses and brought them in the next day. We wrote this chanty cheer leader bridge that I absolutely LOVE. We spent all day doing vocals and the next day recording the background vocals. I think it'll end up being the first single and Max said it's his favorite song he's ever been a part of.

[Max Martin during the lawsuit] “Shellback started out with a drumbeat. Shellback, Taylor, and I then collaboratively developed the melody and other lines of ‘Shake It Off’ to Shellback’s drumbeat. I did not write or provide any input into any lyrics in ‘Shake It Off,’ which were written entirely by Taylor.”

“I've had every part of my life dissected – my choices, my actions, my words, my body, my style, my music. When you live your life under that kind of scrutiny, you can either let it break you, or you can get really good at dodging punches. And when one lands, you know how to deal with it. And I guess the way that I deal with it is to shake it off.”

“The message in the song is a problem I think we all deal with and an issue we deal with on a daily basis. We don’t live just in a celebrity takedown culture, we live in a takedown culture. People will find anything about you and twist it to where it’s weird or wrong or annoying or strange or bad. You have to not only live your life in spite of people who don’t understand you, you have to have more fun than they do.”

February 19, 2014: Taylor, Max Martin, Shellback and Ali Payami write Style. This is the last song made for the album.

“I loved comparing these timeless visuals with a feeling that never goes out of style. It's basically one of those relationships that's always a bit off. The two people are trying to forget each other. So, it's like, 'All right, I heard you went off with her, and well, I've done that, too.' My previous albums have also been sort of like, 'I was right, you were wrong, you did this, it made me feel like this' – a righteous sense of right and wrong in a relationship. What happens when you grow up is you realize the rules in a relationship are very blurred and that it gets very complicated very quickly, and there's not a case of who was right or who was wrong.”

“This song is about those relationships that are never really done. You always kind of have that person, that one person who you feel might interrupt your wedding and be like, ‘Don’t do it cause we’re not over yet.'”

[Guitarist Niklas Ljungfelt] “I played on “Style,” a song I started with Ali Payami for ourselves. He was playing it for Max Martin at his studio; Taylor overheard it and loved it. She and Max wrote new lyrics. But I recorded the guitar on it before it was a Taylor song. It was an instrumental. I didn’t have a clue that Taylor would sing on it. The inspiration came from Daft Punk and funky electronic music.”

1989 is officially done!

[Taylor On Ryan Seacrest] “I'm pretty sure after we finished this one I knew the record was done. Shake It Off and Style were the last two songs to be written for 1989.”

February 19, 2014: While on tour, Ryan Tedder produces another three versions of Welcome To New York.

[Ryan Tedder interview] “I was in Switzerland on a tour bus, and I did four versions of 'Welcome to New York,' one of which I liked personally more, but the thing about artists is they become very obsessed with the demo. She was in love with the demo so no matter how hard I fought, she brought it back to the demo, so really what you hear is what I did on the first day.”

March 22, 2014: Billboard reports that Taylor and Ryan Tedder have worked together in LA in January

March 24, 2014: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor moves to New York.

[Lover Journal] So in the last few weeks, I've completely moved into my apartment in Tribeca. That's right, I'm writing this from my new bed in my new place, watching Law and Order with Meredith. Strangely, I've never felt more busy.

May 1, 2014: 1989 Photoshoot (I got this date from an insider)

May 29, 2014: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor chooses another photo for the cover, after having a nightmare of the previous one being not enough.

May 30, 2014: Taylor chooses the album cover.

[Lover Journal] Shanghai. So we got to China at around 2pm and I knew it would completely ruin me if I slept when i got to the hotel, so I decided to work out. WHY IS THIS PEN RUNNING OUT?! Just went to my purse and got my pen. So a crazy story unfolded in the last 24 hours. Last night, I had this vivid dream where the photo I'd chosen for the album cover wasn't good enough, intriguing enough, artful enough. it woke me up. I couldn't shake it and it stayed with me all day. Because that nagging feeling I'd been pushing back for weeks was now confirmed in my gut... it wasn't good enough. I went to the venue, mind racing, wandering if I'd have to do an entirely new photo shoot... I got to my dressing room with newer versions of the "cover" I looked at it and felt nothing. The team pulled up this new scanned file of the polaroids we had taken during the shoot. I saw it within 10 seconds. The shot. The cover. It's a polaroid of me sitting against a beige wall with a blue seagull sweatshirt on. You can see my red lips but the photo cuts off my eyes. For some reason unknown to me it's the most intriguing photo i've seen. I think it's the mystery of not seeing my eyes. Maybe it just looks effortlessly cool. The craziest moment came when something caught my eye. The cover photo is photo 13. I kid you not. I played a sold out show in Shanghai tonight and the crowd was amazing. Tomorrow we go to Tokyo, where they'll have the whole ticker tape parade at the airport. Smile and wave...

Mid To Late 2014: Taylor and Jack write Now That We Don't Talk.

[Tumblr Music] "Now That We Don't Talk is one of my favorite songs that was left behind. It was so hard to leave it behind, but I think we wrote it a little bit towards the end of the process, and we couldn't get the production right at the time. But we had tons of time to perfect the production this time, and figure out what we wanted the song to sound like, and I just think it's, I think it's the shortest song I've ever had. I think it packs a punch. I think it really goes in for the short amount of time we have, I think it makes its point."

Conclusive notes

What 1989 represented for Taylor:

“The 1980s was a very experimental time in pop music. People realized songs didn't have to be this standard drums-guitar-bass-whatever. We can make a song with synths and a drum pad. We can do group vocals for the entire song. We can do so many different things. And I think what you saw happening with music was also happening in our culture, where people were just wearing whatever crazy colors they wanted to, because why not? There just seemed to be this energy about endless opportunities, endless possibilities, endless ways you could live your life. And so with this record, I thought, 'There are no rules to this. I don't need to use the same musicians I've used, or the same band, or the same producers, or the same formula. I can make whatever record I want.'”

“In the past, I've written mostly about heartbreak or pain that was caused by someone else and felt by me. On this album, I'm writing about more complex relationships, where the blame is kind of split 50–50 ... even if you find the right situation relationship-wise, it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work.”

Bonus: Secret Messages

Author's note: I wrote this timeline around 2 years ago. While I found some dates later on, this is 100% my research. If you use this timeline for your posts, research or whatever, PLEASE, credit me! I'd be very thankful. This is 2 years of work.

Links to my other Timelines:

Writing of Fearless Timeline

Writing of Speak Now Timeline

Writing of Red Timeline

My Spreadsheet with a timeline overview

Credits:

Most of the quotes have been copy-pasted from Taylor Swift Switzerland.

Taylor Swift Pictures for the candids.

Heather from Nerdy by Nature for the WTNY handwritten lyrics picture.

[covesdadappreciation]

[Going through basically every step] Renee Murray x FTM Reader

Fluff

I always refer to Renee and [Name] as their current pronouns and will only refer to them as their former terms when referring to something they said when they were younger/at the age they used those terms. 

Heads up, Writing this is confusing for me because the OL’s school grade system is vague for my understanding, so the timeline might be confusing or it’s just me…

[Name] and Renee.

The two most fucking oblivious people in the whole world.

Even Tamarack noticed. 

Renee and [Name] have been the closest of friends since elementary school. 

Sure, not at the very beginning when they met considering that [Name] was born female and only realized he was trans in High school. Renee, back in the 5th grade when she’d met [Name], wasn’t a huge fan of girls. She thought that girls were a distraction, envy covered with disinterest in anyone who identified as a girl and some internalized misogyny perchance. 

It only took a couple weeks for Renee to finally get used to [Name]’s attempts in starting their friendship, and I mean it took effort. Renee’s stubborn, no doubts about it. So when they met [Name], all she could think was ‘what a dumb girl. I’m never going to be friends with her!’ and made it their mission. 

Unsurprisingly, [Name] can also be stubborn with a mission. 

He made origami animals, brought a handful of nature from Tamarack’s backyard, and post-it notes to put in an envelope. Then it would be safely secured in [Name]’s bag until Renee would visit her mom’s classroom or when the group would hang out to be delivered into Renee’s hands. 

And for 3 weeks, this went on and on until Qiu convinced Renee to at least try being friends, which somehow worked. 

[Name] took the illusory award of Renee’s friendship with pride, making sure to enjoy every aspect. [Name] had invited her to his house countless times, had figured out every single little thing that Renee enjoys or hates based on observation (because god forbid Renee ever talk about her feelings), made gifts for her, and visited her class whenever possible as the years passed on. In return, Renee gradually began to return those actions, and more. Inside jokes, getting each other food, leaning on each other both physically and emotionally, and always being protective of one another. 

So imagine Renee’s horror when [Name] was starting to “haunt” her mind. [Name] was suddenly the person that Renee imagined being roomies with, wanting to hang out with him constantly, occasionally getting jealous if anyone ever tried to get as close as she and [Name] are.

“I can’t like her!”  She had complained, “She’s… her.” Renee didn’t want to lose her best friend. The one person who she understood and cared for the most, more than she did for Qiu. Hell, anyone else should’ve been her crush, but [Name]? This was going to fucking hurt if this goes wrong. So Renee made a promise to herself that this growing realization was never leaving the mind palace. This is gonna be a pain.

Little did she know that [Name] was juggling those same thoughts as well… just… differently. 

“They’re never going to like me! I’m going to have to explain so much. What if they don’t like me? What if my transition changes things?” [Name] doubted, “and then what? We just, what, go on dates? Or would we stay only friends? No one’s prepared me for this!”

So baby steps.

[Name] came out to Renee, Tamarack, and Qiu on bowling night that [Name] forced them on.

“I’m trans.” He states simply as he came back from a roll.

“You missed.” “Congrats!” “What?” The trio all said in a jumbled mess. [Name]’s eyes were mainly stuck on Renee’s reaction, noticing how her look turned soft. No judgment, no bitter or distant look… more so a sense of pride and ease. [Name] sat back down next to Renee while it was Qiu’s turn, getting a firm comforting side hug from Renee. 

She’s the prettiest person [Name] had ever seen.

And [Name] was the most handsome person Renee had ever seen.

Two years later, on Renee’s birthday, [Name] was the last person to stay for the party. The both of them sitting on Renee’s front porch, a smoky feel to the autumn air, faint smell of cinnamon coming from the Murray household. Renee paused for a moment, opening and closing her mouth, trying to find the right words for something. 

“How’d you figure out your whole… trans thing?” Renee asks softly, the words barely wanting to escape her. 

“Oh- uhm” [Name] straightens his back, furrowing his brows to think.

Renee catches how sudden the question is, groaning into their hands before muttering out a quick “Sorry, sorry. You don’t have to answer- and maybe wrongly worded, I just… you’re the only one I could imagine asking this to, so…”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, Renee! Let me think” [Name] reassures, looking away before explaining every thought and personal feeling that they felt safe to share with Renee. A small gut feeling in [Name] knew there was a reason she had asked, but he knew it wasn’t his place to prod. Even if there was a cautious approach to her voice that probably said it all in hindsight. All [Name] knew was that he had to give her space and a chance to open up if necessary.

“--So yeah. That’s when I decided I had to tell you guys.” [Name] shrugged, looking back at Renee. 

A small moment of silence followed afterwards, uncertainty painting Renee’s face. It almost made [Name] wonder if he said something wrong until he felt Renee place her head on his shoulder. 

“...Thank you for telling me” she exhaled sharply, her upper body going slightly limp as to try and relax herself.

Renee was the kindest soul that [Name] had ever met.

And [Name] was the most patient boy Renee had ever met. 

Once in their 20s, high school over with and their futures now fully in their own hands, the dating rumors were finally over with. Sure, Qiu and Tamarack were the main instigators, but it was surely not because they saw something that Renee and [Name] refused to see!

So what if Renee finally came out and the first person they told was [Name] and they both went out to celebrate at the diner? So what if Renee and [Name] were making plans to room together in an apartment? So what if [Name] bakes sweets for Renee, and Renee cooks for [Name]? And what if Renee and [Name] are each other’s closest “oh-so-definitely platonic soulmates”?

It isn’t like Renee had told Qiu about her crush, nor did [Name] tell Tamarack…

Definitely not.

No.

Never. 

It’s not like Qiu and Tamarack connected the dots in middle school and have tried everything in their power to get the two of them to finally just get together. 

—

“You have to tell her” Tamarack huffed, messaging her forehead, “She totally likes you!”

“It’s going to eat me alive if she rejects me! What if we stop being friends?” [Name] whined.

“What if you guys end up getting together and having the most loving relationship for the rest of your lives?” Tamarack exclaimed.

—

“How would I even start? Just go up and say ‘I’ve had a crush on you since we were in middle school! Surprise!’” Renee ran a hand through her hair and tugged lightly, 

“Yes!” Qiu yelled out, “That’s almost perfect!” 

—

“I can’t fuck this up, Tammy” [Name] sighed

“Then don’t. Go up to her.”

—

Imagine me this. It’s a Sunday night in Golden Grove’s park after dinner at a restaurant. Two people with one single goal in mind. Confess their fucking hearts out. Both of them unusually dressed up more formal than normal, fidgeting hands, nervous glances and laughter, but the comfortableness between two people who have known each other for years makes it bearable. 

These love dorks were [Name] and Renee. 

The only ones sitting on a bench, sitting in odd positions but deeming it comfortable somehow, (though it may be the reason they have back problems) and on the verge of exploding over how terrifying and exciting this is. 

“Renee-” “[Name]” They start

“Shit, sorry. Go ahead” [Name] bowed his head slightly. Renee cleared her throat, “Right, so… I think that you should know that I think your presence is great.”

“That’s good to know” [Name] chuckles,

“...Would you say you feel about the same?”

“I would die for you” [Name] states seriously at first, blank face before smiling to make sure that it was a lighthearted comment (but he probably would,) “But yeah, of course I enjoy your presence. We’ve been partners in crime for… basically our entire lives”

“Right right-”

“And you know, we might as well be together for the rest of our lives because we’re gonna live together, and I like you, and if you like me too we could get better tax returns if we ever got married–” [Name] began to ramble.

“What?” Renee raised a brow.

“I mean- maybe you don’t like me! We could still get married to get those tax returns- or not get married at all!” [Name] panics throughout the confession, “And by me liking you isn’t because of the tax returns! I really do just like you, I have for years, like middle school or highschool, but I didn’t want to scare you away and have to make all those origami animals all over again! Fuck, this is not how I wanted this to go–”

[Name] hides his face into his hands for a moment, groaning in disbelief towards himself, “I like you. That’s what I was trying to get at. I made it a lot more difficult than needed”

“I saw that” Renee giggled, flicking [Name]’s shoulder, “That may have been the most dorkiest or worst confession I have ever heard in my entire life, I’m still debating.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-” [Name] was interrupted.

“Now I’m not saying I don’t like you, [Last Name]. I’m just saying that your confession was out of this world. Not that I was going to do better than that either, but you know,” Renee shrugs, “I like you. I have for years now too…”

[Name] finally gains the courage to lift his eyes up to look at Renee, “Seriously?”

“Very seriously. You’re very important to me, [Name]. The most handsome man I’ve ever met, the boy I grew to love, someone I didn’t think I’d love or wait this long for, but you made every second worth it.” Renee gives a small smile, breathing in the foggy autumn feel. 

“I think we’re soulmates” [Name] says plainly, “Because no matter what would've happened, if in some alternate universe there was some kind of obstacle that tried to stop us from being together, we would’ve found a way back to each other no matter what. I know I would.” [Name] adds, placing his hand over Renee’s hand. 

They both exchange a gentle look, Renee’s fingers play with [Name]’s rings, intertwining their hands together. They lean in closer, and the giddy feeling of waiting after so many years practically swallows [Name] whole. 

It wasn’t a shock to find that Renee was a gentle kisser, cautious to make sure that they’re both enjoying it, occasionally splitting away and coming back, as if still starving for more affection. Eyes closed, feeling their hands still together… Each other’s first kiss. 

Two people that will always try to understand each other. Two people who don’t even need to try and find the beauty within one another because they see it constantly no matter what.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

So I’m kinda curious, I know you said you are not much of a shipping person (aside from like SkSw Zelink and Miphlink) but are there any of the popular ships that stand out either as ones you think are cute or ones you really do not like?

Hmmm 🤔 I’m fairly neutral or just meh about most, but I guess there are a few that stand out? Or maybe I should just list my opinions on the major ones I know of?

BotW Zelink - I don’t mind it post Calamity. Not really into it pre-calamity, it feels like it’s at the expense of a relationship that’s already there (Mipha and Link). But dang the two definitely would be close after the calamity, given that they’re the only ones who have such a shared experience. I could see it being romantic or platonic, and there’s kind of a heavy leaning towards romantic but then totk also makes it seem platonic sometimes too?? Whatever. Nintendo likes to be vague (except Skyward Sword, let’s be real, nothing about that was vague lol), but I can see it happening after everything.

Midlink - I think it’s sweet. I think in canon Link’s most likely gonna either be with Ilia or someone we don’t even see in the game as he travels, but Midna definitely could’ve had a chance with him if there’d been more time for them. They had good chemistry, and the physical attraction was clearly there when Link saw her true form.

OoT Zelink - Nope. Especially Adult Timeline, absolutely not. It’s a pet peeve of mine that people ship this Link with anyone in the Adult Timeline - he is a child in a teenager’s body. NO. Sure, his body might be attracted to people, but his brain sure ain’t figuring it out, and anybody who wants to explore that just… no. NO. As for Child Timeline, I feel like this Link has a hard time reconciling what happened, has a hard time letting go, and would therefore have a really difficult time separating Child Timeline Zelda from Adult Timeline Zelda and that would lead to too many mixed feelings. I can’t see them getting together. This ship is either entirely one sided (I can 100% see Adult Timeline Zelda romanticizing the Hero she’s been waiting for before she really realizes that he’s still a kid, if she ever realizes it) or nonexistent.

Malink - I quite like it. I honestly didn’t really see it in the game, there’s like… enough for it to happen, I guess, but admittedly Linked Universe has made me biased. But given that it’s heavily implied TP Link and OoT Link are related, and TP Link knows Epona’s song, and Malon was a friend of Link’s, and she talks of marrying a knight in shining armor, and Shade is a knight in shining armor… I can put two and two together. And I think they’d be cute together.

Sidlink - Just… why. I get that half the fandom is in love with Sidon, so they project that, but good grief. Link was engaged to his sister. That’s some Hamlet level incest nonsense there. Link may not remember Mipha all that well but Sidon freaking does. Just because the dude is ridiculously sweet and supportive to literally everyone and about literally everything doesn’t mean he’s romantically inclined towards everyone. He’s a golden retriever, there are two brain cells firing between those fins, let the man just be happy and vibe, good grief. I had this opinion before totk came out, and then the addition of Yona made me laugh because I knew the fandom would blow up about it, but she’s honestly really sweet and good for him - I loved when she called him out to help him, she’s a good wife, I like her 😤

Uh… I think those are all the popular ships I have any kind of actual opinions about? Aside from Skyward Sword Zelink and Miphlink, love them both, mwuah. The rest I’m just meh. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Honestly, I’m very inclined to say that just because two people share oxygen together doesn’t mean they’re gonna fall in love. Just because two people might have some chemistry doesn’t mean they’re gonna fall in love. And just because two hormonal teenagers think each other is hot does not mean they’re gonna end up together. But since romance is such a huge thing in fandoms and in our culture, and I am very much not in a romantic relationship and therefore the culture makes me feel like my life is incomplete, I am not very inclined to get into shipping all that much (translation: sometimes shipping is downright annoying to me, and I hate it when fandoms ship characters together just because they like each other as if other relationships can’t even exist or be meaningful), even the ones that I love. My biggest weakness is loving families, though, so that’s usually where I cheat lol.

[the-whispers-of-death]

Team Bonding Exercise #1: Trust Falls

Before reading further, if you're a minor or an ageless blog, please don't interact with this post and blog!!!

***If you haven't read anything involving Stone or The Lions/this is the first time you're seeing a post of mine, here is Stone's masterlist and The Lions masterlist. There's also Ladder's masterlist, but besides the basic info post, everything else in her masterlist can be found in Stone's.***

A/N: Okay, so this has been a very long time coming, lol. Took me a long time to get to writing this, but I'm finally motivated to do so. Sorry it took me so long, but I hope you still enjoy it.

@jupiter-reimagined there's a small treat for you, if you can find it. :)

It's important to note that this still follows the "two months until the mission" timeline, so while it has been more than two months since the reunion for us, that's not the case in the universe. Just a little clarification for y'all.

Stone was too busy staring at Kali to realize the others were walking into the training room, everyone having been called there by Price and Kali. He still couldn't believe he's in Kali's presence again after a year of not seeing the man at all. He found himself yearning for the man to take off his mask and neck gaiter so he could see Kali's face again.

He snapped back to reality when everyone else was inside, Soap on one side of him while Ghost was on the other side of him. Everyone was waiting with abated breath to hear what the two captains had to say.

"So, as everyone knows, we have two months until the upcoming mission and it's imperative we trust each other since our squads are going to be split up," Price said, eyeing everyone in front of him. "And one of the first bonding exercises that we're going to do is trust falls."

That made everyone except Stone, Ghost, and Sarabi to groan. Stone's lips twitching beneath his muzzle-like mask to keep from smiling when he heard Simba grumble about how juvenile that exercise seemed.

Kali rolled his eyes, whistling to get everyone's attention. "I know, trust falls are so annoying. But it works, I promise." His eyes went to Stone briefly before looking at the rest. "It'll be simple, first we'll start with doing the trust falls with people in our own squad as a warm up and then work our way into doing trust falls with people of the other squad. So pair up, go on."

Stone got paired up with Ghost first, Ghost being the one to fall. He vaguely heard Soap promise not to move out of the way when Gaz fell.

"You okay?" he asked, noting how tense Ghost was. He had his arms out, waiting to catch Ghost. He couldn't help but try and soothe the other man. "Don't worry, you've seen my fast reflexes. And I can definitely lift more than you weigh."

Ghost let out a soft snort at that, nodding his head as his nerves were eased. "Now you're just making me worry for when I have to catch you," he replied before closing his eyes and falling backwards.

Stone didn't hesitate to catch Ghost, feeling the shorter man's weight settle nicely in his arms. "See? I have you," he murmured, watching Ghost open his eyes once he realized Stone did in fact catch him.

"Shut up," Ghost grumbled before getting up and switching spots with Stone so he was behind Stone now. "Okay, big guy. Time for you to trust me."

It was harder than Stone thought, since he knew he was heavier than everyone else. Still, he ignored his father's old words of not trusting anyone and fell backwards. Relief washed over him when Ghost caught him (albeit he struggled a bit to keep from falling with the weight), a warm fuzzy feeling spreading through his chest when his trust in Ghost was affirmed.

Meanwhile, Kali was having fun catching and falling during this exercise.

He trusted people easily, maybe a little too easily, but he knew to trust his gut. So even when they all eventually finished doing trust falls with their own squad and switched to doing them with the other squad, he had no problem falling backwards and letting the 141 members catch him.

He was steadily getting closer and closer to where Stone was, aching to have Stone in his arms, even if it was for a trust fall. They already trusted each other, but they still had to do the trust fall, for the exercise.

"Okay, Stone. I'll fall first, okay?" Kali asked, getting in front of the man.

It was so easy for him to be able to turn his back on Stone, a smile coming across his masked face when he heard Stone's response a grunt. Oh, how he missed hearing Stone's grunts.

Each one was unique despite them not sounding different at first and if you spent enough time with the man, you'd eventually figure out what grunt meant what.

Kali took a deep breath before falling backwards. It was like second nature to him despite him never having fallen into Stone's arms before, he just fell and knew Stone's burly arms would wrap around him. And Stone did wrap his arms around Kali, catching him with ease.

He stared up at Stone, grinning beneath his mask as he stared into those enchanting brown eyes. The light hit the brown in a way that made his eyes look like honey.

"I knew you would catch me."

"I almost didn't, just for fun."

Kali gasped at Stone's confession, standing upright and placing a hand on his chest in mock-hurt. "Jail, Stone! Jail! How dare you even think about not catching me?" he asked.

His reward for his silliness came in the form of Stone huffing softly in amusement. Ah, he'd never get used to that sound. Sure, hearing Stone laugh fully would beat the small huffs of amusement, and damn did he want to hear Stone laugh more than he did when they reunited, but he'd take what he could get.

"Let's see if you catch me, Mufasa," Stone said, switching spots with Kali.

Despite being in front of Kali and about to fall backwards, his back was devoid of any tension. He trusted Kali more than he trusted anyone else. He was safe, and that thought made him fall backwards with ease.

Kali caught him, struggling with Stone's weight like everyone else did, but he quickly regained steady footing faster than anyone else did. He looked down at Stone, smugness clear in his eyes.

"Caught you," he said, time seeming to slow down as they both got lost in each other's eyes. "I'll always catch you, Vikram. Always."

Stone's eyes softened and he relaxed into Kali's arms. "Promise, Ashok?"

"Promise."

Sarabi coughed, breaking the spell those two were under. When they both scrambled to straighten and turned to look at Sarabi, they realized everyone else was looking at them.

"Uh, we all finished our trust falls, Captain," Cerberus said, filling Kali in on why they were all just standing there. "You guys were the last pair to finish."

Kali cleared his throat, trying to make his embarrassment of being lost in everything that was Stone disappear. He clapped in his hands and said, "Right, well, good job, everyone! Hopefully this did in fact work in helping build trust. I believe that's all we had for today, right, Price?"

Price nodded, amused at Kali's embarrassment. "Yes, that's all we had for the bonding exercise. Go and do whatever with the rest of your time."

One by one, everyone left the training room. Nala, Simba, Gaz, and Soap all went the same direction, trying to stifle their laughter at what had happened.

"Do you reckon they noticed we could hear them?" Soap asked when they were away from Stone and Kali.

Simba leaned against Nala as they walked. "No way, they noticed. I'm sure Mufasa's hoping we didn't notice, though," he said, giggling.

"'I'll always catch you.' What is this, a rom-com movie?" Nala asked, shaking his head at the memory of his captain and Stone. "God, I can only hope they don't pine for long and tell each other their feelings soon."

Gaz shook his head. "I don't think they're going to confess their feelings any time soon. They seem like an oblivious pair."

"They are oblivious," Sarabi said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. He frowned when everyone else jumped in their spot. "What?"

"Nothing, Sarabi." Simba patted Sarabi's arm. "Anyways, I'm going to bet that they'll eventually blurt out their feelings in front of us during an exercise."

Nala wrapped an arm around Simba's waist. "I can see them doing that."

The other three nodded in agreement, their conversation dying off as they parted ways to spend the rest of the day doing whatever they wanted.

A/N: The ending was a little longer than I thought it would be, sorry if it felt abrupt. I again hope you enjoyed this bonding exercise.

The next one should be funnier and definitely more suited for building trust. Just a little tease for y'all: It involves blindfolds.

Reblogs are welcomed & appreciated! Asks are open, feel free to pop in and talk or request something! (SFW requests only at this time, please and thank you)

[willicewc]

Just a quick drawing of my Lionblaze is Scourge's reincarnation au :) I am still sick so the drawing is a bit wonky here and there.....

This au is still a vague concept and everyone is free to interpret it or create their own story line with it ! It's mainly made to make Lionblaze more revelant as a character, I liked the idea of him having the power to be "impossible to defeat in battle", and at the same time, be the reincarnation of the one of most deadly cats in the series !

So what if Scourge's new chance at life - being Lionblaze - turned out to be not that much of a good idea ?

Starclan "rant" ahead !

Starclan is often a bit weird when they give out powers and prophecies, such as lying to Squirrelflight about being infertile so that she would adopt the Three. ...Or forcing Jayfeather to become a medicine cat against his will, going literally against their decision to reincarnate Cinderpelt so that she would become a warrior because she was made a medicine cat against her will ??? If we follow Starclan's logic, then Jayfeather would have to then be reincarnated to become a warrior because his dream to become a warrior was cut short by Starclan ITSELF ???

Anyway, Starclan being so strange about its decisions, it would be right up its alley to make Scourge's reincarnation have a power to give him a full chance at bettering himself, just like how Brambleclaw was given the chance to kill off Firestar to become leader, and chose to kill Hawkfrost instead.

Knowing that Lionblaze's main inner conflict is the fear of losing control and killing people against his will, being Scourge's reincarnation would make that way more difficult. What if Scourge had genuinely always been a horrible person ? What if Scourge was meant to be terrible in every single timeline, Tigerpaw or not ? Would Lionblaze be able to fight off this strange, tingling need for blood ? Starclan really be testing my boi Lionblaze in this au.

But anyway I hope you enjoy that small sketch! It's not much, but it's honest work lol ! :)

Oh, also, sorry for the Starclan rant again, I feel like I keep ranting about Starclan but Starclan is such a strange mecanic in Warriors ??? Like they go against their very own concepts at some points (the cinderpelt/jayfeather point...), not even counting the fact that they would let Ashfur in Starclan when he threatened to KILL three cats just because Squirrelflight friendzoned him years before wtf??? Or sending Frecklewish to the Dark Forest??? I might make a full written post to talk about Starclan because Starclan is a really weird plot device and they can't seem to keep track of what they are doing. Such as : Let's forbid the medicine cats from having kits. But let's give the children of Crowfeather and Leafpool some powers. Why would Starclan give powers to children that are born against their own values ???

Idk man Starclan is really weird sometimes and I wish they were more... Logical ? Maybe these are just neatpick ? If you have anything to add, if you agree or not, feel free to tell me ! :)

(Also should I write Starclan as a "it" or as a "they" ? I am a bit confused so I used both on this text !)

[the-s1lly-corner]

creepypastas of your choice being new parents (reader can be included or not, or the reader can BE the kid. either works)

Eyeless Jack, Slenderman, and Jeff as dads/dad figures

getting silly with it. last request in the inbox, might write some other stuff later today for myself but idk we'll see, admins feeling a little sleepy RAAAAAAH no real mentions of reader i think, just the characters being dads but there might be vague mentions of partners so you can imply that is reader. shrugs. i tend to write these notes before actually writing the post this was originally going to have laughing jack but then i got bummed out when i realized that jack would not make a good solo parent simply because hes too chaotic accidentally swapped from saying "the kid" to "you" midway through writing this but im too tired to fix it so uhuh im making it everyone elses problem/j

SLENDERMAN:

by default i think slenderman can be an okay dad and im purely basing this on the fact that i grew up on the 2010s era of the fandom where quotev quizzes and fics for the fandom were peak. i think in the beginning he would be a little lost, especially if hes going to be raising the kid alone. i mean hes a solitary creature that rarely connects with others, he knows knowing about raising a human child. and thats assuming the kid is even human. if he has a kid with a human reader, are they more human or more... creature..? are they a hybrid? how much of slendermans genetics carry over? can he even have children since admin personally thinks he was made by zalgo like all other demons in this timeline? many questions. protective and strict dad, makes sure the kid does their work and chores, but makes sure he doesnt raise a pushover... definitely hostile towards anyone who harasses the kid, be it bullying or generally just being a douchebag. i think if hes the sole parent he raises them in the woods and teaches them things himself. doesnt bother with putting the child through schooling, theyre a child of the woods now babey!!/hj

look at it this way the kid is really self sufficient and can survive in the wilderness for an extended period of time and they know how to kick butt, assuming they also grow up with his proxies. yeah.. thats going to be interesting... would they see them as uncles or as sibling or family friends? its anyones guess. bonus father figures!!

EYELESS JACK:

also does not know what hes doing. i think i wrote somewhere that jack would put the baby in a carrier and walk around with them in the woods. maybe even showing them different animals and plants even if he knows that the kid cant understand him. definitely a case where hes going to need someone else to help him, be it his partner if theyre still around, or someone else... naturally its going to be harder to find someone to help him if his partner is out of the picture for one reason or another. main reason because that jack is... oh you know, literal man eating demon who sometimes goes into blind feeding frenzies if he gets hungry enough + he tries to put off feeding for as long as possible because it literally means taking a life and he still has his humanity in there. not going to say it out right but i think you guys can put two and two together and understand why jack is wary about having a small child hanging around his cabin. also he wants the kid to be able to grow up around other people. its unlikely, since the other person is likely going to be another creepypasta character because any normal person would rat him out... but he might also want the kid to have a 'normal' upbringing. lots of feelings here for him. kind of like a tired dad, between juggling the child and the things going on with him is really going to do a number on him. giggling at the idea of him trying to get slender to help him esp since i hc they have weird territorial beef going on

JEFF THE KILLER:

actually has a decent grasp of how to treat them but thats because he had liu/was an older brother. the dynamic is less father child and more so older brother younger sibling. probably lets you have a fair amount of free reign; he doesnt really strike me as a strict guardian. probably forgets to pick you up from soccer practice/j ....actually wait no i can kind of see him actually doing that on accident. tries to make it up to you by giving you treats because he does kind of feel bad for leaving you behind. you remind him a lot of his brother. im still torn on whether or not liu is still alive in my silly au but imagine hes not and he kind of. tries to raise you good and treat you well to make up for everything that happened. jeff with some level of mental clarity after the height of everything hits me in a weird sad way i can quite describe. like dont get me wrong hes still the knife wielding dude hes usually written as, but hes a little.. just a tiny bit mellowed out. just a tad.. side note i fully blame the idea of jeff being remorseful over murdering liu from a fic that had a chokehold on me in middle school so oooo... you probably know/interact with ben through jeff since theyre good friends. jumping into my personal hc/au jeff carries ben around in a phone since bens usually confined to electronics and they grew up together. obviously jeff outgrows ben because. you know ghosts dont grow up. so imagine you start becoming best friends with ben and ben is just. SPILLING so much old stuff on jeff, mostly dumb stuff jeff did and him being a jackass. idk i just think thats funny. its like when you suddenly get dad lore but instead of getting it from your dad you get it from dads ghost best friend

[fandom-hoarder]

Ok, so I got an ask for mutual aid. Of course, it's human to want to help someone in need, even if all you can do is reblog their post. But you also don't want to be scammed, or help spread a scam. So you look for clues, or you only reblog your mutuals' aid posts because you at least know they're *real*, or you don't reblog aid posts at all.

So, what are the tells? (I'm not an expert, this is just what I've learned through osmosis.)

Do they follow/interact with you, outside of the mutual aid request?

Is their username weirdly generic?

Does the blog look like a real tumblr user, and not just someone who made a tumblr to ask for aid? How old is it? Is it involved in any fandoms? Does it seem staged?

Does their aid ask and needs description make sense? Is it overly vague, or bogged down with unneeded details?

If you quote-search the body of their aid ask, do you get any similar hits for scams on other sites or under other names?

Does the account for donations look legit?

What do you find when you reverse image search?

So, having received an ask that sounded very much like someone whose mutual aid I would want to support if they're real, but already having two red flags from the jump (not following me and not in my notifications, weird wording and grammar on ask), I endeavored to suss them out.

Screencaps of my adventure under the cut.

Like someone else has said, please don't go harrass this blog. Even if it's a scam, at some point there's a person behind that screen.

So here's the ask.

Red flags: they don't follow me, I don't know them, the ask is long, the grammar and punctuation are bad, word choices are odd or misspelled. These don't mean it's automatically fake, but it looks more like a weird AI than someone using google translate to communicate in English.

So I check their blog.

Their pinned post is this (click to read, it's a longass pic):

I don't take any links yet.

I take a block of their post and check it in google; all I get are snapshots of tumblr reblogs for their aid post. I click the "buy me a coffee" link, and it looks...idk, fine I guess. There's a tumblr logo, but clicking it seems to do nothing. (I'm on mobile)

A quick search of their name on tumblr gives me 2 posts mentioning them spamming this same message to people.

I read the one with the readmore linked here

After reading wannursyafiqah74's post about it, I got on my laptop and went back to casualdonutfire.

Mostly random reblogs; cats and other random reblogs of mostly pics, many with comments that could've/should've been tags, and no actual tags whatsoever. Like set dressing that says, "See? I'm a real person! I'm leaving comments about my reblogs that show I'm not a bot! I interact! I know what I'm I'm reblogging!"

It gives me a creepy vibe. I try google again to see if I can find their presence elsewhere on tumblr. The returns are still all snapshots of their mutual aid post. I open their archive. Ok, their tumblr has archive on...?

There are no fandom-esque posts until the very first reblog, a comment on One Piece fanart on October 18, 2023.

Their first post about needing aid was on November 7, 2023. Nearly the same wording as their pinned post, except they don't mention having a child. Zero specifics on what amount is needed for what or a timeline or anything. Not even anything about Christmas coming up. Tagged generously for trans surgery and other visibility words.

Oh. AND. The buymeacoffee is different. Adela, not Adella.

Then their next post for aid is fresh on January 11, 2024; nearly the same wording, except now there's a daughter and a birthday -- no date for the birthday, though, is there?!

[reblog linked here] If you go to their January 12th reblog and click on the "video proof," it's an audio-only black screen upload to imgur, with no identifying info for what's going on other than what they describe (and it doesn't really sound like what they describe; it sounds like a kid ready for christmas but not disappointed, like idk what more you're supposed to get out of it)

Then I clicked on their buymeacoffee link and noticed something. When I hovered my mouse over the tumblr symbol under their blurb, the link embedded there showed up at the bottom of my screen. And it was NOT casualdonutfire.

It was deepeagletimetravel. And, of course, it's a nuked tumblr. Hence doing NOTHING for me on mobile.

So I went to google again!

And lo, what do I find in those lurking reblogs?

ANOTHER MUTUAL AID POST IN EVERYONE'S REBLOGS. WITH A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSONA AND STORY. BUT THE SAME WALL OF TEXT + BAD PUNCTUATION STYLE

Using a stock photo for their initial "bio" that seems awfully misleading when you don't say it's a stock photo.

And with stolen/uncredited art by thetransformistress as a thank you.

And, of course, the buymeacoffee page it linked for Ameera (buymeacoffee.com/AmeeradelzC) is blank. 👀 Totallynormal, nothing to see here.

But this makes me think. I go back to that Nov 7 casualdonutfire post, with their first buymeacoffee link to "Adela" (buymeacoffee.com/adelladomil)--

and what do ya know, the tumblr that opens is casualdonutfire!

So did they forget they made an adela account, and change their ameera buymeacoffee account to adella for their new post, forgetting to change the deepeagletimetravel tumblr name?! 🤷‍♀️

[1ore]

Scuttling into ur askbox like a little beetle

i think i recall you reblogging/posting things about geography and culture + human effect on it - I vaguely recall a piece of art where it showed a blurred out, cropped piece of people fighting, and focused instead on the flora in the scene.

ANYWAY! getting back on track. seeing that piece inspired me to take a course this semester called "people and the land: cultural geography". and the whole reason I came to your askbox was to ask if you had any suggested reading materials? We'll get stuff in class ofc, but I am curious to see if there's any bias of materials on the prof's side vs someone else.

Phew that was a long ask. thank you o/!

That sounds like Liz Anna Kozik’s piece : D So happy it stuck with you! I love her work!!

As for your ask, what an awesome class! Land-human relationships are my bullshit, and I really enjoyed my own cultural geography class.

Thinking back on my schooling, I would say about 70% of my classes fell in with the “everything is awful and humans are the worst” narrative, and the other 30% made time for land-human relationships other than the extractive hellscape that most people currently live under. So, full disclosure, when I think of “bias,” that’s what I think of. You grow up in the miasma, it’s hard to imagine that there’s any other way of living. It’s also hard to say without knowing the professor, but I think, in general, it’s good to be mindful of who is or isn’t telling the story.

ANYWAY. All that in mind, here’s some articles about people-land relations that I think are neat:

The Environment and Society portal - I like their digital exhibits especially. I remember enjoying Oceans in Three Paradoxes and The Northwest Passage. Great place to wander around and pick a random article that catches your eye.

Of Deserts and Decolonization: Dispelling Myths About Drylands – obligatory desert propaganda. An article looking at how colonial mindsets about deserts disrupt existing relationships and hurt both people and land, and also how those attitudes shape environmentalism/conservation/etc. still today.

The Miracle of the Commons – lovingly challenging the Tragedy of the Commons with a creative solution to poaching and human-animal conflict in South Africa, Zimbabwe, and Namibia. Great article to sit in discomfort about (productively!)

Biodiversity: The Variety of Life that Sustains Our Own – Contains one of my go-to examples when explaining how humans can be good for land and biodiversity, the story of Quitobaquito Springs (and its sister spring Ki:towak, though the author doesn’t mention it here.)

The Environmental History Timeline - just fun to look at, especially the further you go back. It’s funny to spot where a young branch of history is trying *really hard* to reframe how academia thinks about the past, by bringing the invisible landscape forward:

2700 BCE —  Epic of Gilgamesh describes vast tracts of cedar forests in what is now southern Iraq. Gilgamesh defies the gods and cuts down the forest, and in return the gods say they will curse Sumeria with fire (or possibly drought). By 2100 BCE, soil erosion and salt buildup have devastated agriculture. One Sumerian wrote that the “earth turned white.” Civilization moved north to Babylonia and Assyria. Again, deforestation becomes a factor in the rise and subsequent fall of these civilizations. (Perlin, 1991). 2700 BC — Some of the first laws protecting the remaining forests are decreed in Ur, Messopotamia. (Grove, 1995).

^^^ fucking around and finding out forever and ever and ever.