#also your art is utterly stunning in general

[cherry-pop-elf]

IM INSANE AND FERAL FOR YOUR DESIGNS OF THEM! They are so good!!!!

I’m like gonna cry they are so good!!!! You captured their energy and personality so well!!!!

And their dynamic!!!! It’s so perfect! Oh my god oh my god I’m stimming so hard like bro bro bro bro bro bro bro

Please! More! (If you want to of course! Respect!) it’s so good you just ahhhhhh!!!!

YES THE BOOB MEME IS THEM ON THE DAILY 😭

It’s six am and IM GOING INSANE

Squirrel Girl and Kraven the Hunter

Not a ship art... Unless...

[sugar-petals]

sub!huening kai smut a-z

hot femboy!hyuka x femdom!reader

words. 5.7k 🍓

read it on ao3

⛓ 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: 18+, dom/sub, inexperienced kai, toys, fetish clothing, degradation, anal + oral play, bondage, watersports, cum play, painslut kai in lingerie, slaps/spanking, past toxic hookups, orgasm control, sugar mommy!reader, impact play, thigh riding, choking

A/N: a steamy toast to the prettiest boy. ‘cause who could be better for a subby smut alphabet ♡

[ sub!idols m.list ]

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Says thank you for getting ruined like the polite boy he is — that’s hot. Lying down eventually, Kai nuzzles his face underneath your chin so you can feel his long tickling lashes against your throat. Although he thinks he might come across as a little awkward and dreamy during aftercare, Hyuka nevertheless has the confidence and maturity to always ask of you precisely what he needs to calm himself down from an intense D/s session or regular sex. And what would that be? All the snuggles.

It often winds up as a two-hour afterglow of nothing but endless cuddling and a pinch of mumbled conversation as the cherry on top. The kisses are superficial or chaste, which is cute and feels good. Superficial doesn’t mean bad: Lips are perceptively tender, after all. They pick up on slow contact the very most. That’s how you spend minutes and minutes once your breathing has become shallow. He reassures that you topped him well. The comedown is kind and relaxed in spirit, generally. He loves you so much. Complimenting him back, you tell Kai that his dreamy side is your kind of thing and he shouldn’t worry. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners)

Swoons for you constantly with a huge spark in his eyes. Couldn’t quite name one body part in particular when put on the spot, shrugging at the question with a confused eyebrow raise. He just likes everything about you. You look wholesome and effortlessly good to Kai: No thoughts, just love. If you were to guess for a sweet spot anyway — he has a thing for your shoulders, maybe? He likes to trace them absentmindedly pretty often. When you watch a movie, for instance. Or when you wait in line at your favorite bakery. Figures, from his tall goth bf perspective that’s the first thing he sees and feels during a back hug. And shoulders are easy to comfortably hold in any setting, private or public. He doesn’t fondle and get naughty: He’s a good boy, his comments about you are never rude.

You tell him how much you like his chic and sensual looks all the time yourself. Kai is so androgynous, a perfect balance of features. Another phone background every week, he just delivers the best selfies for his girlfriend like it’s Christmas. Knows you love his nose, plus the fingernails, his eyes, his natural hair color. Styled long and slightly wavy, of course. His most stunning hairdo, so satisfying to play with ad nauseam. You also like it when the stylists turn his face into living art, like with glossy make-up, lip tint, or super reflective eye shadow. When he shyly takes it off in the evening and washes his face, he glows just as much without it, and his cheeks are utterly kissable under the bathroom lights.

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

A goner when you look him in the eye a certain possessive way, tugging on his gorgeous black leash. Oh, you both like that one a lot, and use it often. Kai adores, needs being bound and connected to you this way, and any position will do. He’s dripping hot when he reaches an emotional climax with his bangs in his eyes, fatigued, happy, collapsing. He shakes, he cries out, it really built up so much. You never know what you’re gonna get, too. A thick and precious leaking or a thin, silky fountain producing a translucent thread on his stomach.

He’s tried a fleshlight, but he prefers his good ole’ hands, still. Which… poses a bit of a problem. Since he knows how messy it could get on the pillows, or his plushies when he doesn’t hold still — please no, not the stuffed toys! — Hyuka takes great care, for instance, not to jerk off like crazy or not to slip out of you clumsily. He shoots it deep inside of you instead whenever you take the pill, and his creampies always feel like the very best. Towels everywhere, the messiness is under control.

Because he’s that guy, he’ll suck it all out when he’s done cumming. Hyuka doesn’t like to swallow and doesn’t expect you to, either, so he’ll rub his ejaculate into a towel, right off his tongue or cock, and dutifully cleans the rest. Admittedly, you’re obsessed with this idea and feel like it would be disgusting with any other one but Hyuka unsurprisingly. He could squirt his pretty cum inside of you all the time, you wouldn’t grow tired of how juicy and arousing it is. You praise him how he gives you lots, and sometimes choke him out when he cums to make it more intense.

d = dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Behind his charming ‚pretty lil‘ thing‘ façade that loves it when you put wayside flowers in his hair… lurks a raw and lusty painslut. He’s there for you to mess him up. Spanking, pinching nipples, slapping the cheeks, or chillingly cold ice cubes down his spine. Kai has a service sub in him, too. Recline and wait for your drink and meal, watch your boyfriend scrub the floor on his knees with a revealing organza skirt on. A peach or mermaid-colored one, paired with a waist harness that’s deliciously tight. As expected, he’s strong as fuck and will put his pretty body to good use. Who knew that the sweetest boy could be so naughty for a bit of pain.

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Was a little clueless in the first weeks and had to be introduced to everything that wasn’t vanilla. Learned quickly like the fantastic bottom he is, sub training is easy for him. Got impressed, too. By all the methods and techniques and toys and dynamics of femdom, amazed by the things that you could enjoy together. Because his height is quite something to work with, he liked to just starfish on his back and the habit remained. Kai has no interest in squashing you with his broad body — you prefer to be comfortable on top of him anyways. Kai listens carefully to any orders and moves in slow motion, the face tentative with questions when he wants to rearrange himself on the sheets or padded floor of your living room.

Shy as ever, he’d been too much of a scaredy cat to sleep around prior to that. He tried to have sex three times before crossing paths with you, winding up too nervous to feel like he could get it right with his respective partners. It was thrilling, awkward, strange, and overwhelming all at once. Confusing, and formulaic, too. A stoic atmosphere, pretend-rehearsed, unfocused, unlike what he imagined his first time. Kai expected chemistry and was hit with a ‚let’s get down to business and do it like everyone else‘ attitude instead. Unsettling, to say the least. It was a hotel room hurry fueled with blind obsession both times, and a spontaneous date gone bad a third time. A mismatch, he wasn’t in his element, he didn’t feel noticed at all, he left, it was discontinued. So, all in all, he had sex two times before. Kai tried his best and drew the conclusions, hoping not to dwell in blame.

Pleasing he loves to do, but an empty masturbation aid or sexbot he is not. Kai requires help and loving interaction. Fitting a condom was already a lot to handle, nor did he have any idea how to act except of course be nice. All three experiences kind of steamrolled across his self-worth and he was left to his own devices. Hence he wanted to be more deliberate with the right person in the future, whoever it may be, so he kept an open mind. Kai mostly imagined steamy get-togethers in his head since, avoiding to pursue another messy date just „to get it right“. He was looking for chemistry and was lucky. Your flirting has such a profound effect on him… Kai replays your words in his head for literal weeks. He’s glad he came across you who he can trust and look in the eye.

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

Wonderboy hasn’t got one yet as he enjoys almost all of the freaky stuff you try together. Perhaps it’s him on all fours, something like that. Doggy allows for you to get your gloves on and curl one or two fingers into him. Not more, three is the limit, he’s too tight (yep, that’s so sexy) and doesn’t want you to perform some kind of straining finger acrobatics just to hit his prostate. But as far as the position goes, the ass-up ones make sense for him. Beautiful back arch, by the way. Goes without saying, though. Almost every good femboy has one.

Kai is so responsive, god. You see his lovely fingers curl when you either hit the sweet spot or leave little spanks on his supple ass cheeks. When each side of his butt looks equally flushed, you move on to peel off your gloves and cool him down with slow, downward caresses on his spine until he gets goosebumps. Without that amount of TLC, it wouldn’t be worthwhile to him. Personal attention is so important in Hyuka’s world, you don’t even know. But don’t worry… guy’s not a selfish lover. He thanks his queen for spoiling him by using that one vibrator on your clit in a comfortable supine position right until you moan your orgasm into the crook of his neck.

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Goofy in a kind and doe-eyed way. Not forced, not overdone. A practical joke that’s completely harmless at best. Huening Kai is the immaculate eye candy and pleasant conversationalist incarnate when it comes to being your company. Whenever you lay down on his big chest, Hyuka can’t help but giggle at you treating his pecs like free pillows for naps. Sometimes, his belly, too, you know what’s good. Despite his love for smart pranks, he’s not exactly the craziest class clown, but he’s also not dead serious with you, so it’s a healthy middle for this one. He is genuine, and hey— nobody laughs at your jokes more than him. You’re the funniest, wildest person in the world to your angel babe.

h = hair (how well-groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Soft and clean. God, his skin is so nice. Kai doesn’t really want to shave all the time, so he just gets laser treatments once a month. The more precarious spots, waxing, usually, although he can master a close shave anyway. All of his beauty equipment he takes good care of, your boy is diligent with all the items’ maintenance daily. Neat freak Huening Kai? Who knew, and it’s fucking sexy. He smells so good out of the shower after dancing, you can’t lie, you do wanna fuck him immediately. Though, you give him a five-minute head start in the kitchen to eat some fruit to recharge. Can’t do the do with a hungry man, can you.

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect.)

Focused on you or busy losing his mind. It’s either or. He’s more cuddly than romantic in a classic sense, the type to lay his head on your lap. Kai believes he’s not mature enough to aim for digging up the deepest feelings, nor do you expect him to. To each their own, just snuggling suits him way better than champagne and rose petals. He believes it’s better to stay sober anyway, for sex especially, and buying lots of stuff to prepare for long-winded romance hours is simply planning overload. Verbal intimacy is more important, not censoring yourselves around each other.

Staying in the moment instead of throwing around money sounds better to Kai, as does sticking to squishing his plushies, and you agree. Being spontaneous and random date nights are more fun, not nerve-wracking like a big busy holiday plan, and sexier, anyway. He amps up the feels for birthdays and festivals like Chuseok, but the general sentiment is puppy love, not formal dinner. Besides the piano music, of course, he can provide that one. An evening in the snug warm bathtub with candles does sound like it, though. Playing with foam is always entertaining. And he looks so fucking adorable.

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Too carefree to tense up, too cute to be insatiable. He sees it as a lighthearted activity, though the way his body twists and bends is remarkable. How many pictures of it you have on your phone is something you lost track of. Although you have a lot of separate hobbies and interests, needless to say, he is a perfect muse for anything creative you do. And perfect to watch just because let’s be real, he’s so ethereal, who could do it like him.

Watching him get off is hot, yet fascinating at once. Especially in the mornings. Huening Kai’s cock is straight and beautifully thick, so it’s easy to wrap his big hand around loosely and deliver the most luscious of strokes. Whenever he can, your boyfriend is the type to thrive on a ruined or denied orgasm — he practices it on himself, too. That feeling of high and dry, frustrated, self-inflicted, he enjoys it like a nosy little voyeur. You have a lot of extremely explicit audios on your laptop because of all the moaning stuff he’s sending you, by the way.

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

Extreme humiliation. Degrading him with words is not enough, it has to embarrass him to the core. Underneath his gentle exterior, one finds a sub of steel who craves D/s that is all about the pretty crying and breathless, but equally beautiful whining. As if he could ever sound ugly, anyway. Kai is a gorgeously vocal sub that blooms under an expert hand knowing how to pull his hair right and tight while he’s getting kicked around on the floor. Not too hard. Just punishing and effective enough. On his handsome knees is where he knows he belongs. Who knew such a sweet guy would like to be handled like this.

His recent favorite debauchery is anal play rested on his back naked with a spreader bar — hell yes — between his ankles. Destroying his perfect little hole has got to be one of the most fun and rewarding things a domme can do. On top of getting his butt split in half with a set of silicone dildos, he dabbles in being a bit of a piss pig in his imagination, as in, aimed at his stomach in the bathtub. His inner pervert thinks it’s so warm and sexy to feel, though he’s careful to suggest it to you at all and will stay clear of mentioning it should you not enjoy a practice like this. After all, he’s the one who wants to be embarrassed, not you.

And a second notable kink (and a less graphic one, for that matter): Being your sugar baby. A little obsession of his, he admits he’s a bit of a goner for being treated by you. Though, judging by what he politely asks you to buy him, he’s not the greedy type. An ice cream here. A pizza there. A plushie, the other month. And chocolate bars, sometimes. It’s more about the gesture and returning the favor later — Kai is big on bringing home your favorite snacks or gets himself a new set of delicate white lingerie that has your jaw dropping.  

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

The kitchen counter, particularly when a snowstorm or thunder rages outside. Spontaneous, post-work, and only when at least one surface is still clean. The two of you are messing around, lusty for one another in the evening. Although afterwards, both of your actual hunger isn’t forgotten. While the food still roasts in the oven, Huening Kai wraps himself around your torso for French kisses and making out like it’s no one’s business. You fucking love his body to the death. So up close, so soft. Let’s go, big boy. You love to feel him get hard inside while he leans his back against the fridge. You, grinding against his loins only with your socks and sweater still on. He can barely keep it together and needs you to guide his hands.

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Infatuation. It’s juvenile, unironically hormonal, full of amicable naiveté and big ideals: Fueled by the stuff he watched on TV growing up. He always wanted somebody who’d look out for him. Huening Kai fosters a special type of affection for you by baking and giving you sweets, his time, and sometimes, that entails his beautiful 6’0 of sexiness, too. That he’s considerate and a gift to your life is probably a pretty accurate way to put it, though.

Kai’s fluttering heart reaches quite some beats per minute whenever you stroll into the practice room after he’s done practicing late at night. So self-conscious, so shy in front of you and the other members — he’s a little typical, but that’s heart-melting. They don’t tease him, though, since he doesn’t like being put on a hot seat. Ever since they saw Kai holding his jacket over you while he got soaking wet during a heavy cold rain, they can see he’s dead serious about your relationship and wants nothing to ruin it.

The long greeting hugs that initially made the whole group jealous are now a cause for TXT going „awh“ whenever you comfort him, pick him up, or bring him a bag of take-out when he’s devastated. Or tired. Soobin calls you a real role model lately after observing you, he awards you his thumbs up 100%. They can see that Kai really loves you a lot and vice versa. Sometimes, Kai becomes exhausted from performing lots and has a motivation drop, so the members appreciate you babying him just like they do. Kai returning to his usual courteous, upbeat self is a reward on its own.

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Blood. No rashes, gory lesions, cuts, lasting strokes, biting tongues, or heavy scratching. As inviting as his back is to run your nails across and down on, you thoroughly respect his wish. Despite his love for degradation,  and this might sound like a contradiction, Kai rejects the more tormenting extremes of BDSM: You won’t walk in on him watching crazy porn congruently. Kai wants his skin unscathed and the marks of biting scarce, also extending the same idea to you. No brief and brutal poundings during all non-kink sex activity, he knows you don’t like it and never nourished any desire to just rip into you mercilessly himself. He’s a sweet lover, watching out for you as excessively as you are protective of your boyfriend yourself.

The whole shebang with, say knife play or cat-o-nine tails as an example, is chiefly meant for experienced, usually slightly older subs, anyway, requiring some more years under their harnessed belts. The same goes for the unfortunate hazard of internal wounds by accident, which wholly scares Kai and prompts him to do a lot of research. You always make sure to use lube on your gloves and dildos when you toy with his pretty mouth or anus, keeping the friction to a minimum. Chapstick is a must. Prep, too.

In the same vein, he doesn’t like whipping and bondage with coarse ropes instead of satin ribbons. The discomfort is too strong. His skin is sensitive and prefers a nice, gentle femdom-ish caress over harsh materials that need larger aftercare treatment all the way. Kai likes the aesthetics of hardcore, but he wouldn’t follow through. Long story short, he leaves the rugged stuff to the advanced couples, he doesn’t need a jagged whipping. Suave kisses preferred, and he likes the seduction part.

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Balanced preference. He’s as good at sucking up your clit as he is at throwing his head back while moaning the house down, your hands on his lap. Appreciates halfway sloppy oral with consistent movements and eats you out super slowly, too. Which has you at the edge of your seat every time, it won’t get boring. Since you could look at his face 24/7, it doesn’t matter which way you go because oral will always come with a fantastic view. He is skilled with timing and nuance after some practice and getting to know your reactions, but the main characteristic of his giving and receiving style is looking very spirited and into it. How dare he look this good between your legs especially. And his lips — wow.

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Medium, high and intense on the occasion, but not abrasively so. Kai doesn’t like to thrust so hard nor does he want to get fucked really violently. It would be the exact same if he had a male dom; hard sex is not your angel’s cup of tea. It’s like playing the piano: Prudence makes the better piece. In fact, going way too raw scares him a lot, and he lets you know two weeks into your relationship already. Communication: A+.

Glued together in bed under his favorite, fluffy lilac duvet, gyrating hip on hip, chest to chest: Sounds more like it. Frottage is kind of his thing, by the way. He is equally amazed by your body, thinks it’s incredible and mindblowing. Whenever you stay like that for a long time, it’s like a sauna for free. His sweat is amazing, too. It doesn’t really smell, and it’s more gradual rather than being runny. Kai is well-hydrated and decently athletic, making out is his calling.

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Kai is the most touchable boyfriend on Earth, so having a quickie naturally just won’t do. Wasted opportunities, not enough tender love, too much chaos. Huening Kai hates a hit-and-run or wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am mindset as a whole. Hooking up college style has been on his no-go list way before you dated, reaffirmed by his not-so-perfect sexual experiences in various hotel rooms. Your chemistry is just too closely affectionate, too familiar and mutually intertwined to fuck the shit out of each other in a heartbeat. It has to be full of life, a loving embrace, between reading a book and making music.

Even if you possessively guide him to the next best corner by wrapping that sexy signature slim grey tie around your fist, your back and forth goes on far too long to count as a 4-minute romp. It mellows out every time. His opinion is, it’s alright to get carried away with sex, „and hey — it’s with you!“ — you like this kind of approach yourself, loving to build up on pleasure so your orgasms will be strong and passionate. Rather than being too goal-oriented, you love to trail off, get distracted by twirling his hair, licking his chest and arms, or using toys at random to test things out.

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Moderate to — sort of — high risk. But nothing that could result in any type of open injury. A bruise is fine, so are light hickeys, or a reasonably reddened butt. That lovely apple bottom of his, as you say every so often. He’s open to hard domination that involves a power imbalance, that’s no big deal. You are his queen, he worships you, snakes his body around you to kiss his your limbs from every angle. Do we smell a tinge of subby contortionism there? Yes, we do… He can do the splits, right. The possibilities.

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Going by some very apologetic-sounding text messages sent from work, Huening Kai thinks he’s lousy. Incomplete, in his words. He hates that he can peak within minutes flat when you go for the backshots, though you take it as a compliment. At the end of the day, you can make him feel good and get lots and lots of his cum. You can reward him, and you can make his face go ahegao… because that’s how. It’s fucking sexy to watch in a mirror. Kai always goes several extra miles so the foreplay balances it out. When he’s already done, he uses his hands and mouth to get you off. What’s not to like — your boyfriend might like lazy wake-up cuddles, but lazy with pleasing he’s not. You get your morning head almost ritually to the point where he needs to heat the breakfast and tea again.

Nevertheless, since he looks up to you more than you could ever know, he aspires to become more steady and stable like he says you are. Big aspirations, he wants to keep it up for more than 25 minutes. You tell your gem not to force his body to last or make it painful for himself to the point where it deducts from your mutual enjoyment. Kai experiments with the thought of using actual viagra at one point, but quickly realizes it doesn’t suit him. No cutting corners, no pills, no shenanigans.

Instead, he reminds himself that there are so many different ways to focus the pleasure on you. You riding his thigh and only brushing against his pretty cock with your palm every other minute does the trick. Especially when he keeps his briefs on, straining against the white cotton. It’s all consistent with how Kai views sex as per usual, not liking messy speeds. Edging and cockwarming lite is entirely up his alley, you tell him, and he immediately agrees once you explained those terms to him. „You got me all figured out!“ — „You’re my guy… of course I have.“

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Some toys. Vibrators, nipple clamps. You actually own more handy items, mostly to run on him but also a decent amount of toys that give special attention to your clit. When he’s touring and you watch him on your tablet, either performing or chatting with you in real-time, you like to masturbate somewhat casually — until he turns up the heat and takes his shirt off. He’s no less horny, and sad on top of that, whimpering into his hotel pillow every night he’s not with you. Yeonjun once told you behind closed doors that Kai is pretty much withering away without your presence and hasn’t once looked at someone else with sexual, wandering eyes. This shit is serious. Kai gets a remote-controlled butt plug for his birthday that you can activate with your phone, I’m telling you.

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

More than fair. Might have the uncanny ability to look sassy in promo pictures and entertain his members with jokes, but Kai has actual zero brat potential, just pure dorkiness. Recently, he jokes how he’s proud of being your trusty boy toy and it makes you chuckle, kissing his cheek in return — because he is, and even more than that. You regularly step on Kai and he craves it, the absolute living slut for degradation. It’s a thrill, he loves to experiment, but he has no reason to tease. He’s too sexy to ever need it. Catching your eye is easy.

Though he understands that humiliation has a way of working if the sub, often when play begins, feigns an ego or attitude and talks back a lot, his view is that it should be more about masochism and breaking down his dignity sexually „because it’s hotter!“ — so there you have it, he’s the obedient type. Long as it stays a mind game, it’s shocking how far Kai is able to go psychologically because he otherwise isn’t a big fan of uncouth behavior or tough love. Kai’s 18+ side is mysteriously surprising and volatile sometimes as he likes to finds his pain’s limit. In his eyes, annoying one’s dom or domme is for subs who don’t have respect. Cutting to the chase and being a professional is better.

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Super soft fairy moans like a cloud to sink into. No raspy groans or growls, it’s all very delicate. Such a fascinating trait of him given how such a lovely voice comes out of such a tall, immense body. Gradually, he gets louder and louder as play or sex goes on, and to say his innocent reactions are rewarding is a gross understatement. Kai is the type to helplessly whisper in your ear how much you fluster him, that he’s going insane, it’s beyond sexy to hear. He moans so much about wanting to do everything for you. He can be cheeky (as in, flashing his booty, that is), but he does as you say when the command comes. He finds the classic femdom hand signals helpful, the ones that indicate the sub which position to assume, how to act, what to say.

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Ever since you talked about latex and BDSM-inspired fashion, he’s been interested in trying on various fetish gear. That idea lives in his mind perpetually after you showed him some pictures of quality harnesses. Not too frail ones, it has to be large and substantial enough. Both fashionable and decorative, actually. He knows a lot of that stuff from what TXT are wearing in photoshoots, so he’s familiar with some aspects of it. Needless to say, he looks good in everything. Kai being a present to unwrap is just as steamy as him staying half-clothed with some bits of teasing skin to peek through. His stomach, his arms, or legs, you know the deal. His recent thing is donning his maid costume, which teases you immensely with his exposed, godly legs.

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Extremely sensitive pink balls. Even the slightest intentional contact with your lips, teeth, nose, or breath makes Huening Kai yelp out loud. Such a taboo spot for teeth increases the temptation of it. How soft, round, and plump this pretty spot is. You love to use your fingers and lube on them at your pleasure. They have that gentle scent, you could pucker your lips and slurp on them for minutes, completely obsessed with how perfect they are. At the expense of having him scream and seeing his legs twitch, no-brainer. He’s well-shaved, nor does he grow much hair there to begin with. Coming home from a music show, he always showers first before you can even touch him. „Wait, I’m disgusting, just a minute“ — and off he goes to the bathroom. He’s meticulously clean. And hell yeah: His dick got a nice fucking shape to it.

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not to sound cheesy — to be honest, he’s always ready for some action. If you think bighit, he’s the opposite of Suga. The experienced, sometimes fully tired Yoongi takes his time to get going, lets nobody hop on his lap in the studio, and depends on his mood entirely. Cat person incarnate, everything at his own pace. Sex? It’s pretty common in society, it’s a set of activities, it’s another break when he produces. The goal is always the same, getting off, it’s a way of loving physically, it gets its place in the daily schedule, et cetera, and so on, he’s got his own philosophy, he’s a thinker. Hyuka on the other hand…

Is blue-eyed and would never conceptualize sex like this. Mood doesn’t matter when he can always warm up to your kisses. Sex is special, it holds deeper meaning and emotional value. Your pace is his pace. You initiate, he adapts. Like a pup, Hyuka will grind up against your hips in no time and jump at the prospect of sneaking off into the sheets. There’s novelty and an element of surprise, he yearns a lot at work.

His fellow members catch him daydreaming all the time, but he won’t kiss and tell. Everybody knows the maknae thinks about you anyway. The way he crushed on you was fucking crazy, the entire company saw how lovesick he was walking around. A very lightheaded Kai almost thought he’d faint and dramatically plunge into another reality when you asked him out on a mere ice cream date. All he could do was nod his head with a pulse above 120, put on his best preppy little outfit, and run to the hairstylist instantly.

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Eyes half-closed, cuddling and caressing has a higher priority to Huening Kai than leaving you to your own devices. A light sleeper anyways, he hardly dozes off. Some people need space, some need sleep, others need a bath — Kai is more about the immediate hugs and warmth, and most definitely getting covered up. He doesn’t like staying nude and sticky, so dressing back up in oversized sweaters or shirts sounds like a better idea. A heated blanket during winter is a must, and from there, you can both doze off until you remember to brush your teeth.

Sometimes, you crawl back out from your little comfy love cave somewhere around 11:45 PM, handle business in the bathroom, and go back to sleep, hoping to rest like this forever. His tight schedule prevents that, though you still try to gather those hours like a quest. Kai is the cutie on duty, he works diligently so he can come home as early as possible. If not, you can visit your cuddle bug during practice, recordings, or photoshoots to your liking, or the dorm where you can sleep spooning during tender hours of rest where you warm each other on the couch.

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[officialgleamstar]

♧ 😼😼😼

hello zilly!!!

You’re my: my grandchild and also my enemy (joke!!! WE ARE FRIENDS!!) How I met you: i dunno honestly. i became aware of you and cubey at the same time through lex's blog i think? Why I follow you: i liked your art and your url/icon combo made me happy :] Your blog is: always a blast to behold, even when you are threatening to feed me to sharks <3 Your URL is: SO CUTE AND VERY FUN Your icon is: adorable :] i love that silly lil angel guy!!! A random fact I know about you: italian. i know an array of random facts actually but that comes to mind first LMAO General opinion: POSITIVE!!!! BUT SPEECHLESS. you often leave me utterly stunned and unsure what to say LMAO A random thought I have: i love when you send me cats to say good morning it makes me giggle :] meowdy!

[scorching-passion]

i love the way that you write roche ; i already liked him a lot from the game but i did feel like they didn't give him as much depth as i woulda liked to have seen (like all the secondary characters rip) - BUT, that's why i'm so thankful for you - because you GIVE him that depth, the explanation to his chaos & attitude. i find myself nodding along with all of your headcanons or sitting stunned at the thought behind them. & writing wise, urgh- i just love the way you write. your words flow so effortlessly and you can tell how much roche means to you by the way you write his dialogue and have him behave / act. he feels like a human, a messed-up human. but a human. i just appreciate everything you do much - especially for a lil character like roche. it's really special & i'm very thankful to see it on my dash. ( also, YOU yourself are lovely & i am FOREVER in awe of your art. you're a solid 10/10 keep being amazing~ )

Anonymously tell me what you think of my character portrayal. ACCEPTING

Oh, Han... there's just so much to unpack here I don't even know where to start tbh. ;o;

But yes, in all fairness, Roche means a great deal to me, for a variety of reasons, most of which I will spare the dashboard, but mostly because I feel like my love of this daft biker has kind of... guided me through a truly terrible time I've had lately. Life this past 13 months has certainly not been easy, and though I was gently encouraged to pick Roche up as a muse for someone else... I found myself utterly enamoured by him. Flaws and all.

Thing with Roche is that I can go in any direction I want without much risk of breaking character. Like, logical thought processes, the chaos and insanity and just his general loopiness all tied together with a strong sense of morality and honour all kind of fits into this tight little powder keg of utter nonsense, and having him flit from one demeanour into another is so much fun to write and explore. All the dynamics, I love them!

I get picked on sometimes, by people who know me IRL for my unadulterated passion for this guy, this background nonsensical meme who looks like he belongs in a different game, but I can't say I truly care that much. Not when writing for him, developing his character and drawing dumb pictures has helped me deal with the absolute DUMPSTER FIRE that has been life in general (it's getting better now, so please don't worry lol!) He's helped me make new friends and connections even outside of the RPC but within, he reignited my love for RP as a whole. So... yeah. I love Roche, I love him and his fictional ass a whole lot!

It makes me so unreasonably happy that you enjoy my writing, man. Like, you're... one of the BEST there is to offer in the FFRPC so being given the chance to write along side you is pretty stellar for a nobody like me, yeah? Just, I don't really have the words to hand right now how all of this made me feel.

But thank you, for these lovely, kind words. I just wish I could express more coherently just how happy reading this ask made me tonight, truly.

Thank you, so very much, from the very bottom of my heart <3

[nourfathallah]

The Feminine Touch: Embracing Embroidered Dresses

Fashion has always been one of the most powerful ways for women to express their personalities and emotions. Whether it’s through a classic black dress, a flowing off-shoulder gown, or a bold, puffed sleeve dress, clothing speaks volumes about who we are. Among the many staples of feminine fashion, embroidered dresses stand out for their intricate craftsmanship and timeless beauty. They aren’t just dresses – they are wearable works of art. In this blog, we’ll explore the allure of embroidered dresses and why they deserve a special place in every woman’s wardrobe. And if you’re looking for a place to find some of the most exquisite embroidered dresses, look no further than Nour Fathallah, a store known for offering elegant pieces that merge tradition with modern fashion.

The Charm of Embroidered Dresses

Embroidery is not just a fashion trend; it’s an art form that has been passed down through generations. It originated centuries ago when artisans painstakingly stitched intricate designs onto fabrics, adding both visual appeal and cultural significance. Fast forward to today, and embroidered dresses have evolved into a symbol of sophistication and individuality.

The beauty of embroidery lies in its versatility. Different cultures have embraced unique embroidery techniques, from the delicate floral motifs of French needlework to the bold and colorful patterns of Indian artistry. An embroidered dress is not only fashionable but also tells a story – one of heritage, craftsmanship, and personal style. It is an excellent way for women to express their unique personalities while wearing something that feels truly special.

Why Every Woman Needs an Embroidered Dress

So why exactly should you consider adding an embroidered dress to your closet? The answer is simple: they’re versatile, timeless, and utterly captivating. Whether you’re attending a formal event, a casual day out, or a fun-filled party, an embroidered dress can fit any occasion.

One of the main reasons embroidered dresses are a must-have is their timeless appeal. Fashion trends come and go, but embroidery has been a part of human culture for centuries and shows no signs of fading away. There’s something about an embroidered dress that feels vintage and modern at the same time, making it a perfect investment piece.

Furthermore, the attention to detail in embroidered dresses is unmatched. Unlike mass-produced, printed dresses, embroidered dresses take time and skill to create. Every stitch is a testament to the craftsmanship that goes into producing these stunning garments. When you wear an embroidered dress, you’re not just wearing a piece of clothing – you’re wearing a masterpiece.

Types of Embroidered Dresses to Explore

Embroidery can elevate just about any style of dress, making it more elegant and eye-catching. Here are some embroidered dress styles that you should consider adding to your wardrobe:

Off-Shoulder Gowns with Embroidery: Off-shoulder gowns are perfect for showcasing your shoulders and neckline, but when paired with intricate embroidery, they reach a whole new level of sophistication. Whether it’s delicate floral patterns or bold geometric shapes, an embroidered off-shoulder gown will make you the center of attention at any event.

Puffed Sleeve Dresses with Intricate Designs: Puffed sleeve dresses have made a huge comeback in recent years. These playful, voluminous sleeves add drama to any outfit, but when combined with embroidery, the result is a dress that’s equal parts whimsical and elegant. You can find puffed sleeve dress in a variety of fabrics, but crepe dresses, in particular, are perfect canvases for detailed embroidery.

Crepe Dresses: The Perfect Canvas for Embroidery: Crepe is a luxurious, flowing fabric that works beautifully with embroidery. A crepe dress adorned with delicate stitching becomes an effortless blend of comfort and style, making it ideal for both formal and casual occasions.

Sexy Gowns with a Touch of Embellishment: Who says embroidered dresses can’t be sexy? Whether it’s a body-hugging silhouette or a daring neckline, embroidery adds a touch of grace and elegance to even the most sultry of sexy gown.

Choosing the Right Embroidered Dress for Your Body Type

Selecting the perfect embroidered dress for your body type can make all the difference. With so many designs and styles to choose from, finding one that complements your shape is key.

First, understand your silhouette. If you have a pear-shaped body, opt for dresses that draw attention to your upper half, such as embroidered off-shoulder or puffed sleeve dresses. On the other hand, if you have an hourglass figure, a fitted, embroidered crepe dress will highlight your curves beautifully.

Colors also play a crucial role in choosing an embroidered dress. Lighter colors like pastels or whites can enhance smaller frames, while darker shades such as navy or black work well for curvier figures.

Where to Shop for the Best Embroidered Dresses

Finding high-quality embroidered dresses can sometimes be a challenge, but boutique stores like Nour Fathallah offer a curated selection of the finest embroidered pieces. The attention to detail and commitment to craftsmanship at these boutiques ensures that you’re not only buying a dress but also investing in quality and timeless fashion.

When shopping for embroidered dresses, pay attention to the quality of the stitching. Hand-embroidered dresses tend to have more intricate and delicate patterns compared to machine-embroidered ones. The fabric quality is also important, with natural fibers like cotton or silk working best with embroidery.

Conclusion

Embroidered dresses are more than just fashion statements – they are timeless pieces of art that combine tradition with modern elegance. From off-shoulder gowns to puffed sleeve dresses, these garments offer a unique way to express femininity and personal style. If you're ready to embrace the feminine touch of embroidered dresses, look no further than Nour Fathallah, a boutique known for its stunning collection of embroidered gowns and party dress.

Visit Our Store- https://nourfathallah.com/

[xtruss]

The Star-Spangled Banner during Times of War

— By Carolyn MacLeod | The American Experience | Tuesday 02 July 2024

Jimi Hendrix playing his guitar during his set at the Woodstock Music and Art Fair. Playing with Jimi Hendrix is Billy Cox. Photo by Henry Diltz/Corbis via Getty

By the time Jimi Hendrix took the stage at Woodstock around 9 a.m. on Monday, August 18, 1969, many of the festivalgoers had already left. Those that stayed were witness to one of the most iconic performances at the Music and Art Festival: his “Star-Spangled Banner.”

“I was backstage writing up some notes,” recalled journalist Bernard Collier in Woodstock: Three Days that Defined a Generation. “Suddenly into my head stabbed this sound. It sounded exactly like rockets, missiles and bombs bursting in air. I’d never heard anything like that in my life.”

It’s difficult today to separate this performance from the summer of 1969, and thanks to the Academy Award-winning 1970 documentary Woodstock, the performance has become emblematic of the experience of Woodstock itself. At the time, however, Hendrix’s performance came across as startling and utterly new.

“I remember people literally tearing their hair out,” said Woodstock director, Michael Wadleigh. "I looked out with one eye and I saw people grabbing their heads, so ecstatic, so stunned and moved, a lot of people holding their breath, including me. No one had ever heard that. It caught all of us by surprise.”

Hendrix wasn’t the first musician in the 20th century to surprise and disturb audiences with an artistic re-interpretation of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Before him, José Feliciano in 1968 and Igor Stravinsky in 1944 also gave audiences hitherto unheard experiences of the national anthem. Their interpretations invited controversy, but each artist saw his performance as a patriotic act. Hendrix in his performance did something further that had not been accomplished previously, not even by the original. In performing the anthem with his psychedelic take on the blues, Hendrix brought the lyrics to life and in doing so transformed the national anthem into a commentary on American ideals in a time of war.

Woodstock promised three days of peace, love and music during the turmoil of the Vietnam War and racial unrest of the civil rights movement. Through the screen of drugs and utopianism, these realities were evident, nonetheless. The political climate was reflected in music throughout the festival, from Richie Haven’s “Freedom” in the opening performance of the festival, to Joan Baez’s renditions of “Joe Hill” and “We Shall Overcome,” to Country Joe McDonald’s “I-Feel-Like-I’m-Fixin’-To-Die Rag,” to Jefferson Airplane’s “Uncle Sam Blues,” to The Who’s “My Generation.”

Three days bled into four and Hendrix began to play "The Star-Spangled Banner" that Monday morning, as the festival drew to a close.

“We’re at the most peaceful gathering that was probably happening on the planet at the time. And he hooked us up with Vietnam,” said Tom Law, a member of the Hog Farm commune who was present that morning. “It was the devastation and the brutality and the insanity. That was a quintessential piece of art.”

Three weeks later, on September 9, 1969, Jimi Hendrix walked onto the set of the Dick Cavett Show. Cavett soon turned the conversation to Hendrix’s Woodstock set. “What was the controversy about the national anthem and the way you played it?”

“I don’t know man,” said Hendrix. “All I did was play it. I’m American, so I played it. I used to sing it in school, they made me sing it in school so — it was a flashback, you know.”

Over the audience’s laughter at Hendrix’s cool response, Cavett joked, “This man was the 101st airborne, so when you write your nasty letters in…”

A puzzled look bloomed on Hendrix’s face. “Nasty letters?”

“Well, when you mention the national anthem and talk about playing it in an unorthodox way,” Cavett explained, “you immediately get a guaranteed percentage of hate mail from people — “

“That’s not unorthodox,” Hendrix interrupted. “That’s not unorthodox.”

“It isn’t unorthodox?”

“No. No, no. I thought it was beautiful. But there you go.”

In January of 1944, at the height of World War II and 25 years before Woodstock, Igor Stravinsky prepared to conduct his "Star-Spangled Banner" with the Boston Symphony Orchestra.

In his arrangement, Stravinsky hoped to address an issue that has plagued the song since its earliest days: its tonal range. The distance from the lowest to the highest pitch in “The Star Spangled Banner” is twelve notes, or an octave and a half, making it unusually challenging to sing. Compare that with other countries’ anthems: England’s “God Save the Queen” has a range of seven notes, while France’s “La Marseillaise” and Canada’s “O Canada” each span nine. When congress was debating adoption of the song as the national anthem, singability was a chief concern. As much as Stravinsky sought to solve these problems, however, his miscalculated efforts and the war-time climate surrounding his performance led to uproar.

Stravinsky’s "Star-Spangled Banner" challenges listeners’ expectations subtly. Instead of the bouncy rhythm heard at the beginning of phrases, his rhythm is regimented and metered, like “a church hymn,” as Stravinsky put it. Especially off-putting may have been Stravinsky’s use of dissonance in the closing line “O’er the land of the free…,” with a dominant seventh undercutting the triumphant final phrases. According to the Associated Press review of the concert, Stravinksy’s effort to make the national anthem easier to sing along to failed: “[T]he odd, somewhat dissonant harmonies of the sixty-one-year-old composer’s arrangement became evident. Eyebrows lifted, voices faltered, and before the close practically [everyone] gave up even trying to accompany the score.”

The negative press apparently spurred the Boston Police to confront the composer before his second performance. An obscure Massachusetts law prohibited playing the National Anthem as part of a medley, with embellishment or as dance music. Stravinsky agreed to remove his arrangement of the anthem from the program.

A Russian-born immigrant to the U.S., Stravinsky defended his interpretation of “The Star-Spangled Banner”: “It was my desire to do my bit in these grievous times toward fostering and preserving the spirit of patriotism in this country.” He became a naturalized U.S. citizen the following year.

Ten months before Woodstock, 23-year-old José Feliciano walked onto center field at Detroit’s Tiger Stadium to sing the national anthem at game five of the 1968 World Series. Feliciano, a Puerto Rican-born, crossover sensation, had recently won two Grammy Awards following the enormous popularity of his cover of the Doors’ “Light My Fire." But his interpretation of “The Star-Spangled Banner” was about to bring his career close to a screeching halt.

It was the fall of the year when American deaths in Vietnam reached their peak. Congress recently passed the Flag Protection Act of 1968, criminalizing the desecration of the American flag. On October 7, 1968, when Feliciano began to play, the tune on his guitar didn’t immediately sound like the national anthem. As he sang, listeners heard the national anthem as folk song. It sounded more like Bob Dylan than Francis Scott Key.

Amid the claps, also rose the unmistakable sound of boos. Irate calls flooded the stadium switch board and NBC, the network broadcasting the game. RCA Records released a recording of the performance as a single, which eventually peaked at number 50. Many commercial stations refused to play Feliciano’s music—this song or any other.

“When I did the anthem, I did it with the understanding in my heart and mind that I did it because I’m a patriot. I was trying to be a grateful patriot,” Feliciano later recalled. “I was expressing my feelings for America when I did the anthem my way instead of just singing it with an orchestra.”

Stravinsky attempted to make the national anthem more accessible but instead alienated his audience with his modernist approach and drew an intervention by police. Feliciano’s folk interpretation of the “Star-Spangled Banner” repelled some fans, who were offended by what he brought to the anthem. History has been kindest to Hendrix's interpretation, perhaps because of what he brought to the song. Hendrix put his psychedelic blues in service of a classic songwriting technique called "text painting," sometimes known as "word painting." This is where the music directly reflects the content of the lyrics. Hendrix brought the words of “The Star-Spangled Banner” to life by reflecting not just what they might have meant when they were written in 1814 but by reflecting the meaning they might take on for Hendrix and his audience in 1969.

Text painting can be heard throughout music history, from Gregorian chants that would employ rising melodies to accompany words describing Jesus’ ascension to heaven, to Johnny Cash’s chorus of “Ring of Fire” going steadily “down, down, down.” This connection between music and lyrics doesn’t exist in Key’s version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" but does in Hendrix’s performance.

Key’s lyrics are a patriotic description of a post-battle scene, but the words have very little to do with the music underscoring them — perhaps because they were composed nearly 40 years, an ocean and multiple wars apart. The music was composed by John Stafford Smith in 1775 as the song “To Anacreon in Heaven.” Smith was a young church musician in London who was commissioned by the Anacreontic Society, a gentlemen’s amateur music club, to compose the music for their club’s “constitutional song.” The lyrics to that version, written by Society president Ralph Tomlinson, eulogize the Greek poet Anacreon and his favorite themes: the very rock and roll topics of wine, women and music.

Francis Scott Key composed the poem following the Battle of Fort McHenry in 1814. Key, a respected lawyer and amateur poet, was sent to negotiate the return of a physician captured after the British marched through Washington D.C. and burned the White House and Capitol. From the Chesapeake Bay, where he secured the physician’s release, Key watched the sun rise on September 14, over the fort and its flag still waving after British bombardment. Key’s poem was then set to Smith’s music — an existing melody that doesn’t particularly correspond with the feeling or imagery of his words.

Hendrix, on the other hand, used text painting to powerful effect. His version is entirely instrumental, but he capitalized on his audience’s knowledge of the lyrics by emphasizing their meaning through sound. Notably, Hendrix played the entirety of the vocal melody — but punctuated the phrases with ornamental improvisations.

Hendrix begins the song fairly closely to the traditional vocal melody, adding a few melismatic flourishes and sustained notes, but tracking the first four lines of the eight-line song. Meanwhile, a snare drum taps out a tight rhythm, recalling a military drum line.

When Hendrix arrives at “And the rocket’s red glare,” the song begins to tip over. Using distortion pedals, he creates chorus effects and sends notes echoing into higher octaves — the sound of rockets soaring and bombs bursting over-head. The percussion follows suit and breaks from its regimented rhythm to join the guitar voice in a jazz-like cacophony. The guitar soars from the highs to lows as a deep grumbling creeps in, courtesy of Hendrix’s fuzz pedal. The melody returns with “the bombs bursting in air” before a siren-like wail deconstructs the tune once more. Then a descending slide from high to low notes sounds like a dive-bombing plane. Just when Hendrix is at his most discordant, his guitar seems to wail with human cries of anguish, and he returns to the melody at the song’s narrative climax of “Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.”

Before going into the song’s final couplet, Hendrix takes his version of Key’s war story and extends it to a moment outside the narrative frame of the song with a musical allusion to “Taps,” the bugle call played at military funerals and here a raw reminder of the cost of war. He completes the penultimate line, “O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,” letting the last note sustain and distort and tremble before continuing. On “O’er the land of the free” in the final line — he sustains the highest note, resounding for a moment, before the song ends and the distortion returns as a soft echo of the sounds that came before.

Hendrix infused the song with an experience of war up close — not with the glory of war nor the heartbreak of those at home, but as a sonic record of the overwhelming terror of battle as it was known then in 1969. He took the 155-year-old song and made it into an expression of lived experiences in his present-day America.

With his performance of the anthem, Hendrix joined the company of a Puerto Rican pop star and an immigrant modernist composer in a patriotism that embraces national ideals while making room for diverse cultures and experiences, even in a time war.

Hendrix refracted the militaristic “Star-Spangled Banner” text through his psychedelic re-invention of the African America blues tradition. It was unorthodox, beautiful and utterly American.

— Carolyn MacLeod is the Audience Engagement Editor at American Experience. Carolyn holds degrees in music education from James Madison University and Arts Administration from Boston University. In her free time, she writes about arts appreciation for a number of Boston-based online publications. Published July 30, 2019.

[lovelylarkgamin]

Outward (2020)

Gameplay: ⭐️⭐️⭐️❌❌

Style: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❌

Story: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Multiplayer: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❌

Overall: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❌

Playable on:

PlayStation (4 & 5)

Xbox (One & Series X/S)

Window

Stadia

Online co-op: Yes

Local co-op (split-screen): Yes

Developed by a small studio called Nine Dots, Outward is unique in that the CEO Guillame Boucher-Vidal approached the game with the intention of getting it to work as a split-screen game, which is not a very common goal these days. The CEO, like me, bemoans the fact that so many great memories in our childhoods were playing with family or friends side-by-side and that games these days don’t really make a lot of efforts to make that possible. Not only did the development team have to make some sacrifices to split screen to work, but relatively low budget of a small studio meant they could not support elaborate cutscenes and lip synching in most modern games. All that to say, this game has more of a classic rpg style, which is good for me, a long time fan of D&D, KOTOR, Diablo, and other long-running rpg franchises, but if you find yourself easily frustrated at older games, maybe skip this one.

Now to the meat of the matter. I have mixed feelings about this game, as you can probably tell from my rating. Buckle up; I’m going to talk about what I didn’t like first, and then we’ll talk about what I did like. Just know that I am very aware of the limitations of a small studio and think people should keep that in mind when talking about games like these. I’d rather have small studios around instead of just a handful of big monster studios anyway, so I want them to succeed. You should too. We get more fun and variety that way, so look at small studio games with a forgiving lens, please.

Through that lens, I find the inability to level up in any way in this game utterly baffling. There are no skill trees, merely the ability to attain better equipment over time and recipes for food, potions, weapons, armor, etc to equip your character better. There are ways to adjust your stats to allow for magic, but it’s a trade off that sacrifices health and stamina in exchange for mana. You can purchase skills from trainers to improve health and stamina a little bit, but I could see someone going through a generous portion of the game before ever figuring that out. The studio claims to want to avoid crunchy video game mechanics with this approach, but in the end, I found it crunchier than a skill tree in a pause menu. Maybe that’s just me, but for a game trying not to be crunchy, there is a whole lot of trying to hunt down this person or that person trying to improve your character in some small way only to learn you were doing it wrong from the beginning. Be prepared to die frequently, whether from enemies, sickness, or cold/heat, and make sure you are strategically stashing money and unnecessarily items to cut down on theft from your unconscious body or over encumbrance.

All that being said, the game is stunning with vibrant colors and a unique and interesting art style. Whatever sacrifices the studio made paid off, and the local co-op is incredibly satisfying. You may get downed frequently, but with the ability to revive each other, that ceases to be crippling. Also, each time are downed teaches you something that you do better next time. There is a very thorough foundation of lore under the storyline, and that makes the world fun to explore. Honestly, it gives the feeling of playing WoW or something like that, and for a small studio, that’s pretty impressive.

I have my gripes, but overall, there’s a lot to like about this game. Make use of the Outward Wiki and the advice of dedicated players you can find literally everywhere. They help you avoid some of the frustrating aspects of the game. Also, don’t buy recipes, look them up. Save your money for cooler stuff.

Happy gaming!

[thegeminisage]

BROKEN ROAD MASTERPOST

BROKEN ROAD ON AO3

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Additional Tags: Episode: s14e13 Lebanon, Fix-It, John Winchester’s A+ Parenting, Dean Winchester-centric, Past Child Abuse, Apocalypseverse Michael Possessing Dean Winchester, Ma'lak Box (Supernatural), Asexual Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Former Prostitute Dean Winchester, Trauma, Suicidal Thoughts, Healing, Dean Winchester’s 40th Birthday, dumb fucking car metaphors because dean’s a driving gay

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean’s head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It’s been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they’re living with angels. John doesn’t know angels are real, he doesn’t know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn’t know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean’s plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can’t answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end.

CHAPTERS ON TUMBLR: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

TUMBLR LINKS:

#brcu - “broken road cinematic universe,” for fanworks & inspo posts

#br meta - for posts talking about the fic/subjects related to the fic

#br memes - for shitposts.

#broken road - general story tags that contains all of the above and then some, including excerpts/rough drafts, general liveblogging, & asks.

FANWORK/”INSPIRED BY” LINKS:

i do have the inspo tag, but the fact that i have fanworks is so cool i wanted to make a special section for them. if you said publicly or privately that your thing was inspired by my thing, i am adding you here to give you publicity and TUMBLR FAME, but if you don’t want your link here, just hit me up and no hard feelings! if you make a thing inspired by my thing, or if i forgot to add your thing (or, much more likely, if i didn’t want to be utterly presumptuous by assuming it was for me 👉👈), you can also send me a message about that. i’m happy to have as many links here as possible!

broken road: a john & dean playlist (this one’s mine, there’s a version on both 8tracks & spotify)

john & dean graphic to submersed’s “hollow” (also mine)

graphic about the winchesters cleaning up messes (mine again)

fic cover art by @bibophilophile

chapter 1 graphic of the john/mary reunion by @thrivenotsurvive  

fanart/graphic set of the dean/cas moments from chapters 2 & 3 by @bibophilophile

tragedynatural edits by @brownbicon - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  

improved table initials from chapter 4 by @theprincessandthepie

chapter 4 dean/cas fanart by @bibophilophile

chapter 6 fanart by @your-local-granny

post-chapter 6 dean & cas hug by @skepticalfrog

post-chapter 6 dean & everyone hugs by @skepticalfrog

don’t be him, a fanvid about breaking the cycle of abuse by @theprincessandthepie

i love you to the exclusion/inclusion of all others: john/mary and dean/cas graphics by @alittlescaredoflife

john & dean graphic to sinéad morrissey's “forgive us our trespasses” by @tiarnanafainne

graphic to wye oak’s “mary is mary” by @renegademp3

STUNNING visual art of the dean/cas chapter 3 sex scene by ultimate destiel stan @maulthots​ 

an absolutely breathtaking PHYSICAL COPY of broken road by @runawaymarbles

META LINKS:

yes, i have a meta tag, i just thought these were of particular relevance: 

family dinner from hell seating arrangements

john’s journal, especially flagstaff, and also john abusing dean into unwittingly perpetuating sam’s abuse

mission statement of broken road

john abused both dean AND sam, just differently + related post by @alittlescaredoflife

who had to grow up faster, sam or dean?

the tragedy of john is that he ISN’T 100% evil, and he USED to be a good person (related post 1, related post 2, related post 3)

john & dean & “why does he do that?” by lundy bancroft

how john gave dean his voice back

who really owns the impala and why dean can’t drive it when john’s around

even after everything, sam was still prepared to be kind to his father (feat. @maulthots​)

sam hasn’t actually forgiven john, he’s “gray rock”ing

mary as john’s impulse control / the subtle way john unknowingly shifts blame to mary / john’s love for mary makes him into both the best and the worst version of himself

john & cas parallels  / john & cas have the exact same opinion of one another (part 1, part 2)

how sexually violent language ties into john’s abuse

“warts and all”

the number nine

broken road’s creation process, start to finish

what happens after the end

...and that’s all she wrote! it’s been a real trip - thank you all so, so much for riding shotgun with me <3

[spn masterpost]

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in May

Sadly, I kind of skipped writing a post for April. It was a mad month with so much going on: lots of emails sent and lots of stress. I started a new job so I’m getting to grips with that... and even then, I still watched a bunch of movies. But this is about what I watched in May and, yeah… still a bunch. So if you’re looking to get into some other movies - possibly some you’ve thought about watching but didn’t know what they were like, or maybe like the look of something you’ve never heard of - then this may help! So here’s every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of May 2021 Tenet (2020) - 8/10 This was my third time watching Christopher Nolan’s most Christopher Nolan movie ever and it makes no sense but I still love it. The spectacle of it all is truly like nothing I’ve ever seen. I had also watched it four days prior to this watch also, only this time I had enabled audio description for the visually impaired, thinking it would make it funny… It didn’t.

Nomadland (2020) - 6/10 Chloé Zhao’s new movie got a lot of awards attention. Everyone was hyped for this and when it got put out on Disney+ I was eager to see what all the fuss was about. Seeing these real nomads certainly gave the film an authenticity, along with McDormand’s ever-praisable acting. But generally I found it quite underwhelming and lacking a lot in its pacing. Nomadland surely has its moments of captivating cinematography and enticing commentary on the culture of these people, but it felt like it went on forever without any kind of forward direction or goal. The Prince of Egypt (1998) - 6/10 I reviewed this on my podcast, The Sunday Movie Marathon. For what it is, it’s pretty fun but nowhere near as good as some of the best DreamWorks movies.

Chinatown (1974) - 8/10 What a fantastic and wonderfully unpredictable mystery crime film! I regret to say I’ve not seen many Jack Nicholson performances but he steals the show. Despite Polanski’s infamy, it’d be a lie to claim this wasn’t truly masterful. Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) - 8/10 Admittedly I was half asleep as I curled up on the sofa to watch this again on a whim. I watched this with someone who demanded the dubbed version over the subtitled version and while I objected heavily, I knew I’d seen the movie before so it didn’t matter too much. That person also fell asleep about 20 minutes in, so how pointless an argument it was. Howl’s Moving Castle boasts superb animation, the likes of which I’ve only come to expect of Miyazaki. The story is so unique and the colours are absolutely gorgeous. This may not be my favourite from the legendary director but there’s no denying its splendour.

Bāhubali: The Beginning (2015) - 3/10 The next morning I watched some absolute trash. This crazy, over the top Indian movie is hilarious and I could perhaps recommend it if it weren’t so long. That being said, Bāhubali was not a dumpster fire; it has a lot of good-looking visual effects and it’s easy to see the ambition for this epic story, it just doesn’t come together. There’s fun to be had with how the main character is basically the strongest man in the world and yet still comes across as just a lucky dumbass, along with all the dancing that makes no sense but is still entertaining to watch. Seven Samurai (1954) - 10/10 If it wasn’t obvious already, Seven Samurai is a masterpiece. I reviewed this on The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, so more thoughts can be found there. Red Road (2006) - 6/10 Another recommendation on episode 30 of the podcast. Red Road really captures the authentic British working class experience. Before Sunrise (1995) - 10/10 One of the best romances put to film. The first in Richard Linklater’s Before Trilogy is undoubtedly my favourite, despite its counterparts being almost equally as good. It tells the story of a young couple travelling through Europe, who happen to meet on a train and spend the day together. It is gloriously shot on location in Vienna and features some of the most interesting dialogue I’ve ever seen put to film. Heartbreakingly beautiful.

Tokyo Story (1953) - 9/10 This Japanese classic - along with being visually and sonically masterful - is a lot about appreciating the people in your life and taking the time to show them that you love them. It’s about knowing it’s never too late to rekindle old relationships if you truly want to, which is something I’ve been able to relate to in recent years. It broke my heart in two. Tokyo Story will make you want to call your mother. Before Sunset (2004) - 10/10 Almost a decade after Sunrise, Sunset carries a sombre yet relieving feeling. Again, the performances from Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke take me away, evoking nostalgic feelings as they stroll through the contemporary Parisian streets. There is no regret in me for buying the Criterion blu-ray boxset for this trilogy. Before Midnight (2013) - 10/10 Here, Linklater cements this trilogy as one of the best in film history. It’s certainly not the ending I expected, yet it’s an ending I appreciate endlessly. Because it doesn’t really end. Midnight shows the troubling times of a strained relationship; one that has endured so long and despite initially feeling almost dreamlike in how idealistically that first encounter was portrayed, the cracks appear as the film forces you to come to terms with the fact that fairy-tale romances just don’t exist. Relationships require effort and sacrifice and sometimes the ones that truly work are those that endure through all the rough patches to emerge stronger. The Holy Mountain (1973) - 10/10 Jodorowsky’s masterpiece is absolute insanity. I talked more about it on The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) - 10/10 Another watch for Grand Budapest because I bought the Criterion blu-ray. As unalterably perfect as ever. Blue Jay (2016) - 6/10 Rather good up to a point. My co-hosts and I did not agree on how good this movie was, which is a discussion you can listen to on my podcast. Shadow and Bone: The Afterparty (2021) - 3/10 For what it’s worth, I really enjoyed the first season of Shadow and Bone, which is why I wanted to see what ‘The Afterparty’ was about. This could have been a lot better and much less annoying if all those terrible comedians weren’t hosting and telling bad jokes. I don’t want to see Fortune Feimster attempt to tell a joke about oiling her body as the cast of the show sit awkwardly in their homes over Zoom. If it had simply been a half hour, 45 minute chat with the cast and crew about how they made the show and their thoughts on it, a lot of embarrassment and time-wasting could have been spared. Wadjda (2012) - 6/10 Another recommendation discussed at length on The Sunday Movie Marathon. Wadjda was pretty interesting from a cultural perspective but largely familiar in terms of story structure.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001) - 2/10 A truly terrible movie with maybe one or two scenes that stop it from being a complete catastrophe. Tom Green tried to create something that almost holds a middle finger to everyone who watches it and to some that could be a fun experience, but to me it just came across as utterly irritating. It’s simply a bunch of scenes threaded together with an incredibly loose plot. He wears the skin of a dead deer, smacks a disabled woman over and over again on the legs to turn her on, and he swings a newborn baby around a hospital room by its umbilical cord (that part was actually pretty funny). I cannot believe I watched this again, although I think I repressed a lot of it since having seen it for the first time around five years ago. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 - (2011) I have to say, these movies seem to get better with each instalment. They’re still not very good though. That being said, I’m amazed at how many times I’ve watched each of the Twilight movies at this point. This time around, I watched Breaking Dawn - Part 1 with a YMS commentary track on YouTube and that made the experience a lot more entertaining. Otherwise, this film is super dumb but pretty entertaining. I would recommend watching these movies with friends. Solaris (1972) - 8/10 Andrei Tarkovsky’s grand sci-fi epic about the emotional crises of a crew on the space station orbiting the fictional planet Solaris is much as strange and creepy as you might expect from the master Russian auter. I had wanted to watch this for a while so I bought the Criterion blu-ray and it’s just stunning. It’s clear to see the 2001: A Space Odyssey inspiration but Solaris is quite a different beast entirely. Jaws (1975) - 4/10 I really tried to get into this classic movie, but Jaws exhibits basically everything I don’t like about Steven Spielberg’s directing. For sure, the effects are crazily good but the story itself is poorly handled and largely uninteresting. It was just a massive slog to get through.

Darkman (1990) - 6/10 Sam Raimi’s superhero movie is so much fun, albeit massively stupid. Further discussion on Darkman can be found on episode 32 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast. Darkman II: The Return of Durant (1995) - 1/10 Abysmal. I forgot the movie as I watched it. This was part of a marathon my friends and I did for episode 32 of our podcast. Darkman III: Die Darkman Die (1996) - 1/10 Perhaps this trilogy is not so great after all. Only marginally better than Darkman II but still pretty terrible. More thoughts on episode 32 of my podcast. F For Fake (1973) - 8/10 Rewatching this proved to be a worthwhile decision. Albeit slightly boring, there’s no denying how crazy the story of this documentary about art forgers is. The standout however, is the director himself. Orson Welles makes a lot of this film about himself and how hot his girlfriend is and it is hilarious.

The Mitchells vs. The Machines (2021) - 4/10 More style over substance, Sony’s new animated adventure wants so much to be in trend with the current internet culture but it simply doesn’t understand what it’s emulating. There’s a nyan cat reference, for crying out loud. For every joke that works, there are about ten more that do not and were it not for the wonderful animation, it simply wouldn’t be getting so much praise. Taxi Driver (1976) - 10/10 The first movie I’ve seen in a cinema since 2020 and damn it was good to be back! I’ve already reviewed Taxi Driver in my March wrap-up but seeing it in the cinema was a real treat. Irreversible (2002) - 8/10 One of the most viscerally horrendous experiences I’ve ever had while watching a movie. I cannot believe a friend of mine gave me the DVD to watch. More thoughts on episode 32 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast. Don’t watch it with the family. The Golden Compass (2007) - 1/10 I had no recollection of this being as bad as it is. The Golden Compass is the definition of a factory mandated movie. Nothing it does on its own is worth any kind of merit. I would say, if you wanted an experience like what this tries to communicate, a better option by far is the BBC series, His Dark Materials. More of my thoughts can be found in the review I wrote on Letterboxd.

Antichrist (2009) - 8/10 Lars von Trier is nothing if not provocative and I can understand why someone would not like Antichrist, but I enjoyed it quite a lot. After watching it, I wrote a slightly disjointed summary of my interpretations of this highly metaphorical movie in the group chat, so fair warning for a bit of spoilers and graphic descriptions: It's like, the patriarchy, man! Oppression! Men are the rational thinkers with big brains and the women just cry and be emotional. So she's seen as crazy when she's smashing his cock and driving a drill through his leg to keep him weighted down. Like, how does he like it, ya know? So then she mutilates herself like she did with him and now they're both wounded, but the animals crowd around her (and the crow that he couldn't kill because it's Mother nature, not Father nature, duh). Then he kills her, even though she could've killed him loads of times but didn't. So it's like "haha big win for the man who was subjected to such horrific torture. Victory!" And then all the women with no faces come out of the woods because it's like a constant cycle. Manchester By The Sea (2016) - 6/10 Great performances in this super sad movie. I can’t say I got too much out of it though. Roar (1981) - 9/10 Watching Roar again was still as terrifying an experience as the first time. If you want to watch something that’s loose on plot with poor acting but with real big cats getting in the way of production and physically attacking people, look no further. This is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen because it’s all basically real. Cannot recommend it enough. Eyes Without A Face (1960) - 8/10 I’m glad I checked this old French movie out again. There’s a lot to marvel at in so many aspects, what with the premise itself - a mad surgeon taking the faces from unsuspecting women and transplanting them onto another - being incredibly unique for the time. Short, sweet and entertaining!

Se7en (1995) - 10/10 The first in a David Fincher marathon we did for The Sunday Movie Marathon, episode 33. Zodiac (2007) - 10/10 Second in the marathon, as it was getting late, we decided to watch half that evening and the last half on the following evening. Zodiac is a brilliant movie and you can hear more of my thoughts on the podcast (though I apologise; my audio is not the best in this episode). Gone Girl (2014) - 10/10 My favourite Fincher movie. More insights into this masterpiece in episode 33 of the podcast. Friends: The Reunion (2021) - 6/10 It was heartwarming to see the old actors for this great show together again. I talked about the Friends reunion film at length in episode 33 of my podcast.

Wolfwalkers (2020) - 10/10 I reviewed this in an earlier post but would like to reiterate just how wonderful Wolfwalkers is. If you get the chance, please see it in the cinema. I couldn’t stop crying from how beautiful it was. Raya and The Last Dragon (2021) - 6/10 After watching Wolfwalkers, I decided I didn’t want to go home. So I had lunch in town and booked a ticket for Disney’s Raya and The Last Dragon. A child was coughing directly behind me the entire time. Again, I reviewed this in an earlier post but generally it was decent but I have so many problems with the execution. The Princess Bride (1987) - 9/10 Clearly I underrated this the last time I watched it. The Princess Bride is warm and hilarious with some delightfully memorable characters. A real classic!

The Invisible Kid (1988) - 1/10 About as good as you’d expect a movie with that name to be, The Invisible Kid was a pick for The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, the discussion for which you can listen to in episode 34. Babel (2006) - 9/10 The same night that I watched The Invisible Kid, I watched a masterful and dour drama from the director of Birdman and The Revenant. Babel calls back to an earlier movie of Iñárritu’s, called Amores Perros and as I was informed while we watched this for the podcast, it turns out Babel is part of a trilogy alongside the aforementioned film. More thoughts in episode 34 of the podcast. Snake Eyes (1998) - 1/10 After feeling thoroughly emotionally wiped out after Babel, we immediately watched another recommendation for the podcast: Snake Eyes, starring Nicolas Cage. This was a truly underwhelming experience and for more of a breakdown into what makes this movie so bad, you can listen to us talk about it on the podcast.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E134 & 135 (April 27, 2021)

It's late, it's great, it's... Talks Machina! Tonight's guests: Ashley Johnson & Taliesin Jaffe! Immediately, I distractedly pour beer onto my steak instead of steak sauce. It's been one of those weeks, what can I say?

Taliesin has a new rule for 2021 - no passively wearing t-shirts. Button-downs only! I appreciate this from a distance. Caduceus had a very hard time saying goodbye to his family. The vision from the Wildmother helped a lot in giving him peace. He also is conflicted because Caduceus knows he should stay, but really didn't...want to stay, which surprised Taliesin.

Ashley laughs that sometimes during voiceover recording or recaps, she has moments of thinking - "I wasn't there for this scene! And then I remember that Travis was playing her, or Matt was playing her. Oh yeah, I totally remember this!" Even now Blindspot's reach...reaches.

It's so intense being the focus of Matt's attention in one-on-one situations. "It's so stressful. Math goes out the window, everything goes out the window, it's like woo-woo-woo." There's intense pressure not to fuck it up. Right before they started the game, Travis made some offhand comment about her being ready to die, and during the whole Stormlord scene he kept making eyebrows to remind her of it.

Being the Stormlord's champion gives her a feeling of purpose, a special reason to exist. She thinks about how much longer she would have been in the service of Oban if the Stormlord hadn't saved her.

The whole Clay family didn't leave all at once, it was one every few years. His sister was the "hypnotized version of Danny Kay in the Court Jester," who was ready to get out as soon as possible. She was the "anywhere-but-here" sibling and was the smart one. Taliesin feels bad that she went out and immediately turned into stone.

Ashley is super excited about the Holy Avenger. If she can roll well and actually hit something, she's very happy to be carrying it around.

Caduceus has just connected his dream with the plot/the Mighty Nein. Tal's embarrassed it took him so long to figure it out, especially since he wrote it & had intended it to be a nice connection to Mollymauk!

Yasha is holding onto her last request just in case it comes up in game again.

Cosplay of the Week: a spectacular Astrid in black velvet by @shelflifecosplay on Twitter. She looks amazing!

Caduceus doesn't really care about the intent of these people not caring about/believing in the gods in their location. Especially since he follows a nature god, he thinks "clearly you guys have taken this as far as it's gonna go, and clearly you all couldn't get over your shit and are now causing problems hundreds of years later." He's not one to take offense.

In a similar vein, exploring this place is very wild to Yasha as she's already working on navigating her relationship to the Stormlord.

Both Caduceus & Yasha (and Taliesin & Ashley) are disappointed that Charlie can't follow them through the rest of the dungeon. :( "There was a sidequest. We deserve a robot!"

Caduceus has embraced a certain amount of "fuck it" practicality and has been willing to bend certain personal rules to keep everyone alive. He is less and less conflicted casting Speak With Dead when bodies in dangerous situations might be able to reveal information.

Taliesin was Dani's last hug over a year ago. :(

Aeor in general is very hard for Yasha to wrap her brain around. She's a little frightened by it. The eyes on Beau and Caleb are really freaking her out. She's a little like the group's border collie: "I'm gonna keep you all together! I'm gonna keep you all safe!"

"Matt is the kindest, most wonderful soul, but there is a darkness sometimes...Where does that come from?"

In any other circumstance, Cad would have been doing Superman loops in that ward's flight. He was disheartened by the sheer scope of what they were looking at. Brian is loving the art coming out of these scenes.

Brian laughs that we are now seeing the "push-the-button" side of Ashley the way we know Travis does. She tries to hold back where Yasha would, but she really likes the element of chaos. She loves the robe she pulled out.

Fanart of the Week: Molly leading the Tombtakers by casukaga on Twitter.

Brian has put an old-fashioned typewriter on a modern DJ stand for a bit. I am both stunned and utterly unsurprised.

Taliesin talks about various museums he's been to: The Twinkie Museum, the Museum of Miniatures, a dollhouse museum, the Museum of Jurassic Technology...Brian tells us about an exhibit he and Ashley saw a history of STDs & the effects on the body over time. "There were a lot of jars..."

Taliesin has been thinking about Cad's conversation with Veth a lot since they had it. He stands by everything he said, and notes that Veth is a very difficult character to play asking very difficult questions. He wonders where Sam is at with the war between what you want to do and what you feel you must do.

How does Yasha feel about an Official Relationship with Beau? Great! She was worried about how to make the transition from friends to significant others & was very excited for Yasha to be able to share this openly with her friends. She likes being embarrassed by Beau's PDA.

Caduceus is comfortable heading out with the team because he is convinced that even if he dies, this is what he was intended to do. Yasha loved that they had one last family dinner.

Caduceus doesn't really register the Aeor effect as magic, just general weirdness affecting his attempts to keep people alive.

Ashley & Taliesin are both super conscious of the time they are spending in every choice. Ashley does feel like she's trying to eke out a few more moments here and there where she can. It's such a wonderful game and she wants to get the last few moments with her friends where she can.

And that's that! Is it Thursday yet? (Yes, yes it is!)

[sitp-recs]

Do you know of any fics under 10k that aren’t too angsty? ❤️

Hi anon, I most certainly do! Thanks so much for sending this ask, I was super excited when I saw it because I’m always happy to celebrate short fics - they could use more appreciation! I’ve wanted to do a proper shorts reclist for a while so I indulged myself and went big, hope you don’t mind! Putting this together was quite hard - going through my bookmarks I realized that I usually go for angsty shorts 💀 so I tried my best not to include anything too extreme, I hope these are okay!

This became a lil monster with 40 recs (and I have lots more hehe) so I decided to sort them by genre - the last category includes light angst (more on the contemplative side) because I can’t help myself. Shout-out to @tackytigerfic for giving me a 2nd opinion and helping me polish this - and for being a darling in general. Happy readings!

ROMANCE/COMFORT

1. Sun Stroke by @peachpety (2020, E, 3k)

Warm, sexy and wholesome, this fic makes my heart soar with the magical beach setting, amazing friendship dynamics and the sweet get together with a delicious side of smut!

2. oxygen [Fic & Art] by @maesterchill (2020, T, 4k)

Tentative acquaintances become something more over a shared smoke at the balcony. Sexy, mature, deliciously atmospheric and full of promise - plus Healer Draco is always a treat!

3. Catch the Snitch (No, Catch My Heart) by @prolix- (2020, E, 4.5k)

Gorgeous bath fic where Harry and Draco just... take care of each other. The raw emotion packed here! Lush and vivid build up with stunning body worship, hot and intimate and breathtaking.

4. Thermodynamic Equilibrium by DorthyAnn (2017, T, 5k)

This quiet comfort fic gives our boys some well deserved healing through physical touching and late night companionship. Love the 8th year atmosphere, soothing and familiar.

5. Blue Sky Is Living Here Today by ignatiustrout (2018, G, 5k)

The loveliest kid fic you’ll see today - real characters, gentle longing, soft understanding. It’s a joy to watch dad Draco through Harry’s smitten eyes, as he realizes there’s no rush to live that love.

6. Gravity Centered by @carpemermaidtales (2019, E, 6.7k)

Possibly my favorite Quidditch fic, this has an original premise and amazing Drarry dynamics, casual and organic, sassy and familiar, with a perfect lil twist at the end!

7. Up The by @shiftylinguini (2018, E, 7.5k)

One of the funniest PWPs I’ve ever read, clever and charming with easy banter and delicious smut. A sweet and sexy glimpse into the Drarry married life! Cw Mpreg

8. And a Malfoy in a Pear Tree by lauren3210 (2015, E, 8k)

Sweet sweet coffee shop Christmas romance! Love the light and fun atmosphere, the easy banter and cute wooing while supportive Ron cheers in the background, what a treat!

9. Ice Snakes, Glow-worms and Wolverine Stew by khalulu (2015, M, 8.4k)

Khalulu writes the softest Drarry, it never fails to put a smile on my face. This has a gentle and sweet get together, with lovely slow burn, a gorgeous San Francisco setting and matchmaker Kreacher 💗

10. Life goes not backward by @shealwaysreads (2020, T, 8.8k)

This delicate comfort fic has a special way to tug at my heartstrings - a gorgeous tale about found family and the unexpected wonders of life. Gentle, magical and breathtaking in its simplicity.

HUMOUR

11. in charge by @bonesliketambourines (2020, E, 2.4k)

The ultimate brat Draco, bossy and confident and absolutely gorgeous with his long hair and impossible snark. Charming and funny, this packs so much character and domestic bliss under 3k! Perfect spoiled Draco is perfect.

12. The Morning After by birdsofshore, capitu (2015, M, 5.3k)

This is hysterical and so delightfully creative - Draco exploring Harry’s kitchen and charming a prudish appliance is the kind of cute, silly endeavor I need with my morning coffee!

13. The Spoiling of Sex From Enthusiastic Ignorance by @cibeewastaken (2020, E, 6k)

I’m impossibly enamored with Cibee’s drama queen Draco and his passionate missions! This time he’s decided to get some good diq, and the dialogue and mutual pining will make you smile from beginning to end.

14. All Tied Up by MyNameIsThunder (2020, M, 6k)

This is a secret relationship delight! Sneaking around gets so much better when dramatic Blaise is losing his shit to protect the Council of Serpents’ integrity! A+ faux-drama, super fun and sweet.

15. Luckiest Fucking Size Queen Alive by @l0vegl0wsinthedark (2016, E, 6.2k)

My favorite brand of thirsty and chaotic Draco; being inside his mind is such a crazy ride and you won’t stop laughing for a second. Amazing dialogue and insanely scorching smut as per loveglows’ usual 🤤

16. Sex Ed for Aurors by curiouslyfic (2010, M, 8.7k)

This is a Harry triumph, so fun and charming! Here he’s the one chaotic and thirsty, for a change - I’m obsessed with his internal ranting under the lust potion. Brilliant narrative and top notch characterization, a classic!

17. Ferocious Determination, Insufficient Deliberation, and a Slightly Wrong Destination by Faith Wood (2012, E, 9.5k)

Drunk Draco has never been so absurd and I LOVE it! This goes from hilarious to vulnerable and sweet in a heartbeat; pining Draco is a precious thing and Harry’s gentle persistence made my heart swell.

18. Stand Back: I'm About to Perform Archaeology by Blowfish_Diaries (2018, E, 9.7k)

This fic could definitely use more appreciation - I had a blast with Draco’s hilarious voice and their cute married banter! The plot is quite original and I love the 8th year domestic vibes.

19. The Full Monty by @magpiefngrl (2017, E, 9.8k)

The calendar fic we deserve 👏🏻 this is ultimate thirsty Draco being completely obliterated by Harry’s casual attractiveness but mostly by his kind heart and big smile. One of my favorite comfort reads, hilarious, sweet and so damn sexy, the full monty combo is here!

20. Aural Gratification by birdsofshore (2014, E, 10k)

This fic is a classic, charming and hysterical with an adorable Harry thirsting over Draco’s smooth voice. Such an original concept and engaging read, not to mention the rewarding shade of smut!

SMUT

21. Tense by Faith Wood (2013, E, 3k)

Me, reading smut for the dialogue? It’s more likely than you think 😂 this fic is hilarious and hot all at once, with perfect banter and clever dialogue, really a smut triumph!

22. Under Your Skin by @p1013 (2020, Explicit, 4k)

Great premise and the sexiest build up, ugh so much teasing and anticipation as pierced Draco takes Auror Harry’s control away 🔥kudos at the A+ twist and promising ending!

23. The Slytherin Urn by @icmezzo (2015, E, 4.6k)

This fic’s geniality slaps me in the face, what a fascinating concept! Redemption kink and magical theory walk together as Harry loses his mind over competent Draco doing some badass curse-breaking ritual.

24. Once Bitten by Frayach (2012, E, 5.6k)

Still one of the hottest things I’ve ever read, lush and raw and absolutely breathtaking. Dark and tender at once, it explores biting kink with unapologetic precision and I love that!

25. Matched Set by astolat (2016, E, 5.7k)

One of my faves by the genius astolat, this is a perfect mix of hot size kink, A+ dirty talk and a brilliant and nuanced plot showing how Harry navigates his post-war reality. A must-read!

26. Teeth by @amelior8or (2020, E, 6k)

This fic is an emotional rollercoaster and goes from light-hearted and casual to vulnerable and tender in a second. Hot and intimate feat scorching wall sex, gut-punching lines and enthusiastic consent🔥

27. Born Slippy by @dracoladon (2020, E, 8.3k)

My favorite clubbing fic ever, clever and sensual, a master class in UST including the drunk haze confusion and panty kink as a treat! I can’t even talk about this fic without blushing 😳

28. The Page Eleven Wars by fireflavored (2010, E, 8.5k)

Competitive boys fighting for dominance both in bed and at the gossip column’s first page This is peak enemies to lovers: witty banter, hot smut screaming switching rights and feisty stubborn idiots finally getting over their asses.

29. The Things They Never Say by @bixgirl1 (2017, E, 9k)

Angry porn with (many) feels, this feels like a punch to the solar plexus. The explosive Drarry chemistry gives way to something quieter and gentler and full of longing, ugh but it aches so good. Absolutely exquisite!

30. Sweet Indulgence by @the-sinking-ship (2020, E, 10k)

The title says it all; this is a lush and charming read, with chaotic but nuanced Draco pining over authoritative, edgy Harry 😳 steaming pent up tension that culminates in glorious semi-public smut, is your body ready?

CONTEMPLATIVE/SOFT ANGST

31. Sharing a Pack by sugar_screw (2016, E, 2.7k)

A fully fleshed-out love story in less than 3k, with complex characters and powerful feels. Raw, poignant and unbelievably romantic.

32. Still Life by orphan_account (2019, M, 3k)

A superb and gut-punching story where Harry realizes all the little things that make Draco so very different from him - and falls in love anyway. Powerful in its simplicity and concise elegance.

33. Harmony (Left-Handed Melody Remix) by mindabbles (2010, M, 5.8k)

Draco finds his way post-war and Harry meets him in the middle. Aching and bittersweet but also hopeful, with a delicious side of coconut cake, Harry in black robes and Romeo & Juliet as soundtrack.

34. Let Me Have You and I'll Let You Save Me by Frayach (2012, M, 6k)

Enemies to lovers deluxe version! Come and feast on this original narrative, amazingly clever, rich and detailed, telling us an unlikely but inevitable love story.

35. A Pain of Our Choosing by @lqtraintracks (2020, E, 6k)

Broken boys fucking through their issues and healing together during the post-war is so my jam! A+ LQT goodness, this fic is evocative and quietly devastating, but full of feels and hope.

36. Our Little Life by @tackytigerfic (2020, M, 7k)

I’ve screamed about this brilliant fic recently; inventive, poignant and utterly romantic, this fic shows all the ways in which Harry and Draco find each other across space and time.

37. the keys to your kingdom by thistle_verse (2016, E, 7.5k)

A beautiful love story packing an impressive amount of character, conflict and emotion. We are invited to witness as work partners Harry and Draco finally take a leap of faith and grow out of their casual arrangement.

38. Clear As Mud by scoradh (2005, M, 9.8k)

Subtle and heart-wrenching, the sharp and clever narrative creates fascinating dynamics between this brilliantly written Draco and poor oblivious Harry trying to make sense out of it. An all-time fave. Cw: infidelity (not Drarry).

39. fine i'll hold my breath / til i forget it's complicated by teatrolley (2015, E, 10k)

Fucks buddies gone wrong but make it soft so we get to watch as pining Draco patiently waits for Harry to get the memo. Sweet and intimate, with lots of late night talks and comfortable silence.

40. Tidings of Comfort series by @blamebrampton (2012, G, 10k)

Quietly cathartic and atmospheric, this fic is a poignant balm to the soul; such a beautiful tone, such lovely interactions! A must-read for those who enjoy church settings, honest talks and redeemed Draco. All-time fave.

[depressing-debbie]

Could you do the fluff alphabet for Armin? My favorite :) Loved eren's by the way

Aw I'm glad you liked it! Absolutely <3 

I had a lot of fun with this, but it’s very much unedited, so... yeah, hopefully it’s alright!

POST Time Skip as always

Fluff Alphabet: Armin

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

He plans absolutely adorable little dates, like picnics or hikes. He also loves taking his SO to museums and art galleries, especially if it’s something they’re really interested in. He already has plenty of knowledge on the subject, and he definitely did some research before they left, so he’s fully prepared to point out every little detail and explain the meaning behind everything as they go. Most of all, though, he just likes getting to be with his SO, so he also loves lazy afternoons sitting and reading together.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Armin thinks absolutely everything about his SO is stunning. He loves the way they carry themselves when they’re confident, the way their face crinkles when they laugh, the sparkle in their eyes when they talk about their interests: they’re just perfect. 

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Look no further, everybody, because we’ve found the most comforting man on the earth. His first instinct when his SO is upset is to make sure their surroundings are comfortable, meaning he’ll make sure to take them somewhere quiet if they are in public, or he’ll find lots of blankets and pillows. Then he’ll sit with them, letting them rest their head on his chest while he traces little circles into their hair. If they want to talk about it, he’s down. If they need space, he’s already out the door, checking on them once in a while with some water. But if they just want him there, he won’t leave their side.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He’s really happy thinking about the future, even though it’s not necessarily specific. He loves the idea of building some sort of life with his SO and getting to spend it together. There’s no specific idea in his head of what that looks like, so he’d be happy no matter what as long as they’re together.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

It’s entirely equal. He’s an absolute gentleman, but he doesn’t believe in the way society enforces roles on a relationship. Him and his SO are a team, and they work together in their relationship.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He really hates fighting, and he doesn’t really initiate a fight ever. And, unless it’s something really serious, he would be quick to find a compromise and make up. But, even if it is serious, even though he might be a bit hurt, he still wouldn’t want to fight. They’re a team, and that team is built on a foundation of solid communication, so he’d want to have a genuine conversation rather than just yell at each other. The last thing he wants is for either of them to get their feelings hurt accidentally.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He is so incredibly grateful for his SO, and he makes sure they know it. He appreciates them and everything they do, so even if it makes him uncomfortable, he expresses it as often as he can.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

There are no secrets in his relationship. You can’t be a team if you’re not on the same page, and he doesn’t see any reason why he would want to hide things anyway. He would respect if there are things his SO just doesn’t want to talk about, especially if it’s something very personal, but his goal will be to make sure they know they can feel comfortable talking to him. 

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Armin is a pretty reserved person, and he has a lot of self doubt and general anxiety. But, he feels so much more confident and relaxed around his SO; they’ve helped him to become more comfortable with himself and his interactions in general. He can also forget his own worries instantly when it comes to protecting them, which shows him that he is capable of overcoming that fear. He embraces the sense of security they give him, and he allows himself to open up a bit more.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He doesn’t get jealous often, but he does have some self doubt that gets in the way. It’s not that he would blame his SO or accuse them of anything, he just gets a bit insecure. It’s also not hard for his SO to notice, and all he really needs is a few words of assurance and comfort to relax.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Alright, unfortunately, their first kiss was so awkward. Armin was absolutely terrified of messing up, and he probably rambled when he asked if he could kiss them. It was honestly pretty cute, though, the way that he blushed, then got all smiley afterwards. He’s able to relax with it over time, and after a while, he’s a really good kisser. He probably gives his SO a little kiss as a greeting each time he sees them, and he’s absolutely a tiny butterfly kisses kind of guy :)

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Okay, so if we’re talking about how he asked them out, he was SO awkward. His friends had to hype him up for like two weeks, and he definitely rambles when he’s uncomfortable, so it took him forever to actually get the words out. He absolutely did it in person, though, and it was pretty sweet. But, if we’re talking about the first time he said that he loved them, it was more relaxed. He just looked over at his SO one day and though about how amazing they are and how lucky he is, so he told them, and it came out as “I love you”. He was pretty embarrassed afterwards, but he definitely didn’t regret it, especially after they said it back.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

I think it depends pretty heavily on his partner, and he’d be happy either way. He doesn’t rely on a piece of paper to show that they care about each other, so if they don’t want to, he’d be happy. But, if they do want to get married, he would be so excited. He would definitely plan the most thoughtful proposal, in a private place that holds some kind of meaning for the two of them, and it would be so cute. Their wedding would be stunning, he definitely has an eye for design. There wouldn’t be a big difference between dating and married life, just more excuse to be happy together.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

He has so many cute little nicknames for them. Definitely calls them “love”, or “sweetheart” when they’re upset. But mainly, his nicknames are super creative and meaningful to the two of them. If his SO speaks a second language, he did some research and came up with a nickname in that language. They probably also reference their inside jokes, so it makes no sense to anyone else, which just makes it that much more special.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It’s sooo obvious when Armin is in love. He gets embarrassed every time someone brings up his SO, and he keeps getting caught smiling and staring off into space. He expresses his feelings to his SO in every way can, whether that’s through little acts of service, homemade gifts, extra soft kisses, or just flat out saying that he loves them. He never wants them to feel like he doesn’t appreciate them completely and utterly, so he goes out of his way to make sure they know how he feels.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He’s really uncomfortable with PDA, at most, he would probably hold his SO’s hand or rest his hand on their back. Otherwise, he just gets super embarrassed and flustered. He doesn’t mind talking about their relationship, though, especially with people he trusts. He’s not going to brag or share specific details, but he enjoys getting to talk about the person he loves, and he’s honestly happy that people know they’re together.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

This is very random, but he has an endless supply of cozy sweaters and sweatshirts, lots of which are oversized, and he LOVES when his SO steals them. Every time he catches them wearing his clothes, it makes him sooo happy. They’re the coziest couple on the planet.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He’s incredibly romantic, but not in the traditional way. He just doesn’t understand the cliche romantic gestures and sayings, and he would so much rather come up with his own way of expressing his appreciation for his SO and making them happy. It’s much more personal, and he puts so much thought into all of it.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Armin is completely and utterly supportive; he is his SO’s number one supporter. In his eyes, there is literally nothing they cannot accomplish, and he will do whatever he can to help them get there. If they’re hesitant to pursue something they’re passionate about, he is going to encourage them to have faith in themselves and chase after it, no matter what, because he believes in them completely. And if there’s any way he can help them reach their goals, he’s all ears.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Probably a mix of both. They probably have a routine of some kind set, and he appreciates the peace and stability of that. But, he also loves getting to add to his list of new experiences that the two of them have shared. He loves learning and seeing new things, and especially when he gets to share them with his SO, it makes him really happy.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He knows them incredibly well. He can predict their reactions in different situations, and he can almost always tell how they’re feeling. It’s entirely due to how clearly they communicate, and the way that he observes everything around him. He took note at the start of their relationship of what makes them happy and what upsets them, and he knows so much about them. He can empathize so well because of this.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

His relationship is very important to him. His SO means a lot to him, and he’s definitely started to build his routine around them, especially if they’ve been together for a while. He doesn’t really enter relationships without being serious about it, that’s just not his style, so it really is meaningful to him. 

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

When he doesn’t get to see his SO for a while, they carve out time in their next meeting to just talk. They get nice and cozy together, and they just spent an hour or two talking about everything they can think of, how their week went, what crazy book they’re reading, some new fact about something they’re interested in, whatever they want to share with each other. Armin loves getting to talk about the things he’s learned and what’s happening in his life, but more than that, he absolutely adores hearing his SO talk about things they’re passionate about. He loves the way their eyes light up and their voice becomes animated. He could just sit there, in their arms, listening to them talk for hours.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He’s very affectionate! Nowhere else does he feel as safe as he does in his SO’s arms, and he loves getting to be close to them. They definitely take naps together after a long day, and he loves to cuddle while they read. If they’re working or sitting together, he’ll rest his head on theirs, giving them tiny kisses on top of their head, or he’ll let them curl up into his side and run his hand gently up and down their back. He loves feeling like he can protect them.

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

He really hates when his SO is gone for a long time just because their routines are so intertwined, so he’s constantly reminded of their absence. He probably spends more time with his friends and writes down things he wants to tell his SO when they return, which relaxes him.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Armin is the best example of going to great lengths in a relationship. Anything he can do to make his SO happy and keep everything going well, he is more than happy to do. He absolutely communicates with his partner to see what they need, and what they think the relationship needs, and they’ll work together to make sure they are satisfied. His relationship and his SO mean the world to him, so he would definitely do whatever he can for them.

[verytiredblob]

My reviews on Manhwas

Alright so, recently I've began to fall into the great Manhwa hell, as if I didn't have enough fandoms.

But I neither have friends to chat about this with, nor a Discord chat where I can fanby about it, so I just decided to throw it in here.

These are both Manhwas I recommend and my opinions on them. If there are any spoilers, They will be striked through and in blue for anyone that wishes to avoid them (if anyone even reads this lol).

1. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass (악녀는 모래시계를 되돌린다)

Premise: Aria was a terrible person and was sentenced to dead by being beheaded. In her final moments, she discovers her step sister, Mielle, actually manipulated her during her entire life just so she could get Aria killed. She then is beheaded, and wakes up in the past, in her child body. So now, she must work to both survive and get her revenge on her sister.

Lovely story, and my first Manhwa. The art is simply stunning, and all the characters are very flashed out and developed. Aria (MC) is the pettiest person alive and I'm here for that.

Also, I noticed a trend where, even though the manhwa has "Villainess" in the title, the MC is usually a total angel. Well, not here. Aria is egotistical and a total Diva, she has her goals and one of them is her revenge and by all that is sacred she'll get it.

Mielle is a great villain, she has grown a lot in her own pettiness and tactics since she was a child, and I really like that. Also, watching her suffer for being a terrible person is delightful.

The Male Lead (Asher) is also really cool, I like how he's both witty and friendly, and how much he truly admires Aria and her achievements.

The side characters are also pretty good, and they get a lot of focus because of their interactions with the main cast.

Again, The art is S T U N N I N G. Look at this:

Literally all panels are drawn like this or better, I'm in love.

All in all, an awesome read, 10/10, I love this a lot.

2. The Monster Duchess And Contract Princess (괴물 공작가의 계약 공녀)

Premise: Leslie's life was terrible, and always centered on her big sister, Eli. After a failed attempt of her family to grant Eli her sister's skills and knowledge, Leslie searches for the feared "Monster Duchess" in an attempt to survive.

Another one with incredible art AND incredible characters. Leslie is an absolute angel, and seeing her grow as a person is awesome.

The gender envy I feel with the Duchess is unbearable, she's utterly perfect. And the entire family is so dotting and loving and sweet, my little grinch heart can't take it.

She's perfection, really.

The plot keeps getting more and more mysterious, and I'm here for it!

I love each of the main characters a lot, and even the villains are well done and fuel your hatred.

Also, Eli Sperado and her Dad can choke on those black flames for all eternity.

Another 10/10, although I must warn anyone that wishes to read this that the translations sometimes are very spotty and messy, so it can be a bit annoying.

3. I'll be the Matriarch in this Life (이번 생은 가주가 되겠습니)

Premise: Firentia was a girl that died in Korea in her past life, and was reborn into an influential family as the illegitimate daughter of the third son. Her life was pretty terrible, with in the end, her family ending up in poverty and disgrace because of her uncles and cousins, while she was exiled from the family. After another accident, she wakes up in her past, now with a goal: Become the Lombardi matriarch and stop the other family heirs from bringing it to ruin.

Awesome art and Awesome plot number 3! This is so good, genuinely. Firentia is such an awesome plotter, and her goals and actions are very well developed.

The Male Lead is my baby and I shall protect him, and the side characters? Utterly stunning.

The twins are the cutest fucking shit, seriously. Like, look at these two?? I'm dead. Although, all the children are very, veeery cute.

I like how Firentia subtly manipulates things around her to get what she wants. It's similar to Aria, but she's much more mature and knowledgeable, and has a much less petty goal.

Guess what? 10/10. Yeah, I know, I'm terrible at grading, sue me.

4. The Twins Siblings' New Life (쌍둥이 남매의 뉴라이프)

Premise: Arien and Arjen were a pair of twins that died in Korea, and were reborn again as twins and as the Emperor's illegitimate children. Now, with only each other to trust, they must do their best to survive.

My current obsession. I really like this one. The art is not on the same level of pure Awesome like the ones before, but it's pretty good nonetheless.

The plot is pretty nice, but I must warn you: DO NOT expect them to act like adults. Honestly, just forget they're meant to be reborn in this world. They're just normal children and that's it. They act like children, and they think like children. Honestly, I think the author just wanted to make this story about them as children and their producer went and said to make them reincarnates because that Isekai shit is popular nowadays (And to justify they having memories of their newborn days). Seriously, just ignore it, the experience reading will be much better.

Other than that, the story develops nicely. The characters are all very good and the plot is very mysterious. I am holding myself back to not spoil anything, aaaaa.

There is also only one another thing that disappoints me: Arien is very clearly the MC. The story is told by her eyes and we only know what Arjen thinks or feels when he says it 9 or by subtext). I really wish it was more balanced, because they're both different people and have different perspectives, and also I really like Arjen.

I have absolutely no idea where this plot is gonna go, and honestly? I like it. It's very rare when I don't know how things are gonna develop because of other stories, so it feels very fresh.

The brothers are freaking awesome. I was so scared they were going to hate the twins and be petty, because of other manhwas that are like that, but they're so loving and sweet?? All hail these idiots. Also, Daddy is the biggest dumbass of all, this poor clueless man.

An 8/10, because of the complaints above. Still a good read, and I really like it, even with it's defects.

4. I'm A Stepmother, But My Daughter Is Just Too Cute! (계모인데 딸이 너무 귀여워)

Premise: A seamstress dies of overwork in Korea, and wakes up in the body of Abigail, the vain Queen, and the evil stepmother to the princess Blanche. Yes, It's like she stepped into the world of Snow White, and she must now do her best to live and.. Dote on Blanche with toys and dresses as much as possible?

Again with the awesome art and nice plot. Why are there so many manga with awesome art?? I'm so envious.

May all hail this crispy, delicious art.

Abigail is a whole mood, and I enjoy how she is inserted into the life of someone who had already lived and had a reputation. Her actions baffle a lot of the characters, as do her motivations, and I'm here for it.

The King has also an amazing backstory that's very tragic and yikes. I enjoy it, really. Not something you see in men's backstories that much.

Also, I'm kinda saddened by the fact the MC and the king are bound to become an actual couple. They would be such good platonic friends stuck in a political marriage. I was robbed, y'all.

Abigail greatest ambition is to get to design a dress for Blanche and have her wear it, and you know what? Good for her! Sometimes, it's good to have an MC that is not plotting against world at large.

Also, her mirror? Verite is simply perfect, I love this guy. I non-jokingly ship him with Abigail more than her with the King.

Blanche is a sweetheart, she deserves to be in my "adopted children" wall.

For now it's more of a Slice of Life than anything? But I also don't know what happens in the novels, so I'm just going to wait.

For the current lack of a grater plot, this gets a 7/10. Still pretty good and entertaining, especially for when you just don't feel like trying to understand deep plots with lots of elements.

5. Beware of the Brothers! (그 오빠들을 조심해!)

Premise: Another one of those "I lived my life and then wake up in the past." Hari was adopted by this family after the death of their only daughter, and although her parents love her, her 3 older siblings very much don't. She lives a miserable life in their hands, and when it's the night before she is to get married and finally escape her brothers, she wakes up in the past, and has to deal with them all over again.

Another nice art one, and the background characters are very nice, as is the MC.

But for me, it has a big problem. And that problem is the main ship. It's Hari with her eldest brother, Eugene. Even though they are not related and yadda yadda yadda, they were raised as such, and thus it bothers me. Also, Eugene is as plain as white bread and just as generic when seen as the Male Lead.

I ship Hari with Johan, even though I know it's not gonna happen, Ugh, the pain..

For me, the main point in this is Hari's relationship with her other siblings and the other background characters. I'm here for that wholesome sibling interaction. Her relationship with Erich, specially, is awesome. I love these two so much

It also kinda lacks a plot? Other than the relationship development and their story as a family, but again, I have no idea how they will develop this.

Also, pet peeve? Why do they keep using Oppa instead of translating it properly as brother? I get honorifics and stuff, but it's so annoying.

I give it a 6/10. Good characters and good relationships outside of the bloody incest thing, and it's a good enough way to pass the time.

There are two more that I've read, buut it's like 4am and I'm sleepy as all hell, so I'll just add it in a reblog or attached post later, and I plan on doing this for other future manhwas as well.

Do you have any recommendations or comments or just wanna talk about any of these manhwas? Hit me up!

[therealvalkyrie]

Painter’s Hands and Guatemalan Coffee: Part 1

on the inevitability of dating a frat bro

Pairing/setting: Levi Ackerman x Female!Reader, modern!college!AU

Summary: When you catch your idiot boyfriend cheating, your grumpy roommate is there to pick up the pieces and watch your back as you toe a carefully drawn line in the metaphorical sand

Word Count: 5.0k

Warnings: light angst, fluff, cheating, alcohol, swearing, minor injury

AN: So!! I am REALLY excited about this fic, but it’s the first AOT piece I’ve ever written and the first piece I’ve posted at all in a WHILE. As of now, it can stand on its own as a mainly platonic/unrequited Levi x reader, but I have big ideas for potential expansion in the future! Please don’t hesitate to reblog/comment/send in an ask with any suggestions, questions, or feedback!! ~valkyrie

Palms slap flat against the door of your apartment as you stumble the last few steps, barely catching yourself before your right ankle twists out from under you. Sharp pain shoots up your leg, and you know it’s gonna hurt like a motherfucker in the morning.

“Shitshitfuck ow,” you slur as you slide to the ground, back to the wall, short skirt bunching dangerously high on your thigh. Fumbling fingers go to the ankle strap of your right stiletto and pull fruitlessly on the ties. With a whine, you curse the forethought  you had to double knot the thin cord when you were getting ready to go out earlier in the evening. Your tongue sits heavy and dry in your mouth as you lean your head back against the wall and press palms against your eyes until stars swim into your vision.

How the fuck did I end up here? you think with a soft hiccup, and all of a sudden you’re crying again.

As you sit in your apartment hallway, drunk and distraught and slowly freezing from the outside in, you recall the events of the night. Getting ready with Hange for girls’ night, meeting up with Sasha and Hitch at the new bar across town. Downing shots and cocktails until the worries of the week melted away, dancing until your feet ached and your eyes stung. Seeing your boyfriend across the dance floor making out with another woman. Correction, seeing your boyfriend making out with your best friend. Correction, seeing your ex-boyfriend practically fucking your former best friend in the middle of the goddamned club-

With that image freshly burned into your mind, you let out a gut-wrenching sob followed by a tremendous sniffle just as the apartment door opens.

--

A soft thump echoing through the apartment jerks Levi out of his light sleep. It takes him a second to remember you went out to your girls’ night, glancing over at his alarm clock. 2:17 am, sounds about right.

He rolls over and readjusts his sheets around him, determined to go back to sleep. It’s not uncommon for you to spend your weekend out with friends all night, and he learned a while ago that you’re perfectly capable of getting yourself showered and into bed after a night out. That’s one of the things Levi likes about living with you: you generally know how to stay out of his hair, and he doesn’t find himself caught up in yours.

When Hange had introduced you to him at the end of last semester as a potential roommate, he had been hesitant. In his book, anyone Hange approved of was bound to be at least slightly off their rocker, but he had been hoping to sign a lease for the next school year before leaving town, and after meeting you he felt willing to take a chance. He told himself it was because of your stellar recommendations from former roommates and respectable credit score, but the smallest part of his mind admitted it was also because of your pretty hands and intelligent eyes. 

That day at his favorite tea shop when you had met up to sign the lease, he had asked you about your major and you had practically lit up with the way you spoke about the architecture degree you were pursuing. The pair of you had chatted all afternoon, discussing books and comparing experiences with professors in the art department. When you learned he was in the painting program at your university, you had grabbed one of his hands off the table in both of yours and examined it closely.

“You have painter’s hands,” you had proclaimed after a moment, turning his hand in yours and tracing the cracks in his palm lightly. “Just like my mom’s.”

Levi had simply sat there, stunned at how such a small gesture made his heart race and neck grow warm.

With a groan, Levi rolls back over in an effort to shake himself out of his turbulent thoughts. 2:19 glows green at him from his bedside table, and suddenly he’s struck with the realization that he hasn’t heard you actually come into the apartment, let alone close your bedroom door with your habitual sharp snap.

“Damn it to hell,” he mutters as he flicks on a beside lamp and stuffs feet into slippers. Careful to avoid knocking over the painting set to dry on the easel by his desk, he opens his bedroom door and hears the muffled sound of sobbing from the front door.

--

Levi stands in the doorframe in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, poking his head out into the hall. For a moment, he can only stare. He’s never seen you like this before, utterly dejected, scatter-brained, small, so unlike the confident woman in the tea shop.

“You look like shit,” he says plainly, the barest hint of concern in his voice.

You keep your eyes downcast and weakly flip him off,  continuing to sob gently. At the lack of your usual backtalk, his expression slips from his usual impassivity to a sharp frown.

A delicate hand encircles your upheld wrist and you let it go limp in Levi’s grip as he crouches down next to you.

“Hey, hey, what happened? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?” His calm tone helps you focus your mind, and you manage to hiccup a response.

“G-god I’m an idiot,” you sniffle, and raise your eyes to barely meet his. His head is ducked to your level, and he’s crouching on the balls of his feet, one hand gripping your limp wrist and the other hesitantly reaching for your shoulder. “Just leave me out here to w-wallow, or better yet take me out with the t-trash, that’s obviously all I-I am,” you gesture vaguely at yourself.

“Did someone tell you that? That you’re trash?” Levi asks sharply, dipping his head with yours in an effort to maintain eye contact. 

Your bottom lip trembles and you sniffle again. Just under the delicate white noise of life, Levi can hear his heart break cleanly in two.

“It was more implied,” you supply weakly.

Levi sighs, then drops his hands and straightens up. 

“Alright, up you get.” He extends his hand, and you stare at it for a second before adjusting your bag on your shoulder and gripping his warm hand with your freezing one. A solid pull later, you find yourself balancing in your heels, Levi’s hand gripping your elbow and the other around your waist. You mumble a thanks, and attempt a step on your right foot towards the door. The traitorous ankle buckles again and you cry out as you stumble once more. But this time Levi’s there to catch you against his chest, now fully supporting you at the waist.

“Ah, I forgot,” you mutter into his shoulder.

“Tch,” he clicks, gently chastising, and in a second he’s scooped an arm under your knees to carry you into the apartment. Vaguely, you wonder at how coordinated he is as he kicks the door shut and nudges the light switch with his elbow. Pretty buff for an art major, you muse, with your head laying against his chest and arms looped around his neck. How pathetic is this, can’t even walk into my own home.

He nudges his way into your room and casts his gaze around in the ambient glow of your desk lamp. You can tell he’s holding himself back from commenting on the clothes strewn across the extra chair by your closet and the lipstick-stained coffee cup sat atop a pile of textbooks on your desk, and you look down in embarrassment. There’s a reason you keep your door closed most of the time. Despite the mess, he successfully navigates across to your bed and gently puts you down, arranging your pillows behind you to support your back before disappearing into the living room again.

You take a moment to wipe at your eyes, sigh self-pityingly, and slouch down into your soft bed, not caring that you’re still fully dressed. Not only did you catch your boyfriend cheating, but you managed to wake up your (usually grumpy) roommate, reveal to him how messy you actually were, and injure yourself in the space of half an hour. Just about a record.

The shrill ringing of your phone breaks into the silence. As you’re digging through your purse to pull it out, you remember with a sinking feeling that you didn’t even tell the girls you were leaving the club, let alone what happened. You slide a shaky finger across the screen to accept the call and put it to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Uhm, hello? Where the fuck are you?” Hange’s loud voice makes you wince and hold the phone slightly away from your face.

“Oh god, I’m sorry Hange, I went home. S-something happened and I, well I just called an Uber and didn’t even think,” you finish lamely.

“What happened? Did you get home safe? Did someone hurt you? I swear to god-”

“Hange, I-”

“-rat bastard bartender was eyeing you all night I could’ve guessed he’d try something-”

“Hange!” She stops short and allows you to speak. “I got home safe. Levi’s here. I’m not hurt, the bartender didn’t try anything, I… I’ll tell you everything tomorrow, okay?” You inject your tone with some bright optimism in an effort to assuage her panic. “Tell Sasha and Hitch not to worry, okay?”

Over her momentary silence on the other end of the line, you can hear traffic sounds and faint club music, as though she had stepped outside to call you. A strained sigh, then: “Okay. I’m glad you’re okay, but I’m still mad at you for not checking in before you left. Had me worried sick.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I’d be mad too. Can you swing by tomorrow? And I’ll explain everything?” Your hand rubs down your face and you close your eyes in a guilty grimace.

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you, too.” The call ends and you drop your phone down onto your bed where it bounces gently away from you. 

When you open your eyes again, Levi is standing in the door holding a cup of tea, his other hand cupped around something, studying you with uncertainty. You sit up hesitantly against your headboard, surprised. You’d figured he went back to bed and left you to put yourself to bed as you usually did.

He crosses the room with his smooth gait, and in a moment, you feel two ibuprofen pressed into your palm and the mug of tea nudged into your other hand, your roommate gently prompting you to drink. He watches as you pop the pills and take a slow sip of the tea, smiling faintly when you recognize that it’s chamomile.

“Good.” He takes the mug and sets it aside on your bedside table. Pulling your desk chair up to the side of your bed, he sits, and leans over towards your feet.

His light fingers start to work on the knots in the ties of your shoes, and you can feel his voice rumble lightly as he says, “What happened, kid?”

You huff a laugh at the pet name, then consider where to begin. You decide straightforward is the best approach with someone like Levi.

“I saw Reiner and Annie at the club, sucking face in the middle of the dance floor. I thought he was at some quote unquote frat thing and she insisted she couldn’t come out to girls’ night because of some stupid group project. They didn’t even see me, I just turned around and left before I knew what I was doing. And poor Bertholdt, he probably has no clue what Annie’s been up to.” You take a shuddering breath and let out a choked sob, trying to stop the waterworks and unable to keep them at bay. “God, I’m such a spineless coward.”

“Hey.” Levi’s sharp tone startles your teary gaze to meet his eyes, which look practically murderous. He leans over to grasp your shoulders, warm hands scorching cool skin. “You are not a spineless coward. He is the goddamned spineless foolish bastard, and if I ever see his ugly mug I will wreck it so bad his own mother won’t be able to identify the body. As a matter of fact, that goes for Annie, too. Are we clear?”

You blink in shock before fully registering his words and nodding slowly. “Crystal.” Levi looks the most angry you’ve ever seen him, brow furrowed and mouth set determinedly.

“Good.” He returns his attention to your ankle. While you were talking, he had successfully untied and slipped your shoes off your swollen feet. “Now, let’s see what’s going on with your weak-ass foot.”

He spends a good minute poking and prodding and turning your ankle every which way in his grasp. “Does this hurt?” and “What about this way?” are answered with soft “no”s or a wince and a “yes”. His hands are practiced and intentional, and you briefly wonder how much experience he has with treating injuries. After a last gentle prod, he sets your foot back down on the bed.

“Well, it’s definitely not broken. It is swelling, though, and probably sprained. I’ll go see if we have an ace bandage or something.” He stands and moves to leave, but before he can get too far you gently grasp his forearm.

“Thank you, Levi.” Your voice is soft and sincere as you look up at him through curled and mascaraed eyelashes. “Thanks for picking me up off the floor and listening and taking care of me.”

Levi studies your tired face for a moment. The trails of mascara down your cheeks, a stray piece of glitter sitting on your cheekbone, lipgloss smudged on the left side. It seems as though his hand moves on its own, reaching out to stroke your cheek lightly, thumb gently brushing away the escaped glitter. He doesn’t miss the way your lashes flutter as you subconsciously lean into his touch. Finally, he tousles your hair with a hint of tenderness in his eyes.

“Tch. Don’t worry about it, kid.”

“I’m barely younger than you!”

“Whatever, brat.”

--

Levi is sitting at the kitchen table nursing a cup of tea and hunched over his laptop when you step out of your room late the next morning. Freshly showered, your hair curls delicately over your shoulders and the scent of peppermint body wash reaches his nose. He studies you for a moment. You’re wearing a loose sleep shirt, cotton shorts, and an oversized cardigan, and he can see where the ace bandage he found last night pokes out from under your fuzzy socks. Clearly, you’re planning to stay in today.

“G’morning,” you murmur, passing behind him to get to the kitchen. Your roommate grunts a greeting in response and takes a sip of tea in his odd overhanded way. You start your coffee routine, reaching for the French press and coffee grounds from a shelf and setting the kettle to boil on the stove. It’s grounding to go through the motions of a daily ritual after the emotional turmoil of last night. Or rather, the emotional turmoil of this morning. It had been hard to drag yourself out of bed before noon, and harder still not to crawl back into your warm sheets after a scalding shower. You steel yourself for the inevitable conversation as you measure out grounds, then finally turn and hop up to sit on the counter facing Levi when the only thing left to do is to wait for the coffee to brew.

“Sooooo,” you start in a long, drawn out syllable, leaning back on your hands.

His hands still on the keyboard and a quiet tension fills Levi’s shoulders before he turns his body fully towards you, resting a hand on the back of his chair. He doesn’t say a word, but his eyes are softer than they usually are when you interrupt his studying.

You take a deep breath. 

“So, uh, last night I was kind of a wreck and you were really sweet, and I just wanted to say thank you again and I’m sorry you had to witness that.” It’s said in a rush, and by some miracle you manage to maintain eye contact.

“Like I said, don’t worry about it. That’s what friends are for.” 

“I know, I know, I just-- it felt really nice to have someone, y’know, there after what, uhm, after what happened and I really was a mess I mean I must’ve looked so gross and I woke you up at like what? Two am? And you were just so steady and kind and I mean you even tucked me into bed for God’s sake--” you ramble on, the words falling over each other in your awkwardness. God, you idiot don’t you know when to shut the fuck up?? “--and I know how much you like it to be quiet at night and I really do try to--” 

Levi cuts you off when he stands fluidly from his seat and crosses the kitchen in two strides, entering your space and placing his hand over your mouth in the same motion. You look at him with wide eyes, suddenly breathing very oddly. The clean smell of paint thinner and black tea simultaneously clouds and calms your mind.

A beat, then: “Brat. Stop rambling, you’re welcome.” You study each others’ faces. Levi’s eyes are stern and steady as he looks up at you through elegantly disheveled bangs. To Levi, you look like a deer caught in headlights, all surprised eyes and warm cheeks. After a charged moment, he lets his hand drop and takes the smallest step backwards.

It takes your brain a second to reboot, then you’re fumbling over your words again. “Okay. Well, uhmm. Okay.”

“How’s your foot?” He glances down at the foot in question as if to check it’s still there, then back at you.

“It’s okay. Still hurts to walk on but I can handle it,” you manage to breathe out with the air left in your lungs.

“Good.” He nods once, then turns and sits back down at his laptop. He hears you huff half an incredulous laugh and slide down from the counter to pour your coffee. A shake of the head and a sip of tea later, his mind slips back into essay mode and away from the woman drilling holes in the back of his head with curious eyes.

--

“Hey baby!” You hear Reiner’s voice from the door as he pushes through it with his usual boisterousness. From your position at the kitchen table in front of your laptop, your back is to him and you allow yourself a moment to press your nails into the palm of your hand and steel your nerves before plastering a smile on your face. You stand up and turn to greet him, limping to meet him halfway from the door.

“Hey babe, come on in!” 

He winds an arm around your waist and pulls you in to peck you on the lips as usual, but you manage to subtly turn your head so it lands on your cheek instead. With the flash of an innocent smile as a coverup, you step out of his arms and make your way into the kitchen to set the kettle for coffee. “So, uh, how was your frat thing?”

He follows close behind you, completely oblivious, and cages you in with your back against the counter after you’re done at the stove. “Eh, it was alright. Got some new pledges, you know how it is.” He grins in the cocky way you fell for and leans farther into your space. You give a giggle and rest gentle hands on his chest, keeping him at a distance while feigning affection.

“Oh, sure. Busy night of fun, I’m sure.” Your tone is sickly sweet and you mentally grimace at yourself to take it down a notch. 

Fiddling absentmindedly with the collar of his shirt, you take a moment to mourn your relationship. While it’s about to end swiftly and brutally, you know that you will miss the security and warmth you had with Reiner in the beginning. You finally lean in to lay your head on his chest one last time, and your heart aches at the way he tenderly rests his chin on top of your head. The moment is broken by the kettle beginning to whistle and you gently push him away to go turn it off.

“How’re Hange and the girls?” He leans himself against the counter and watches as you bustle around the kitchen, preparing coffee as you usually do when he comes over. It’s one of the things the pair of you had initially bonded over, trying new beans and methods of brewing nearly every week. Recently, you had been using Guatemalan beans with notes of peach and candied almonds, a birthday gift from the cheating boyfriend himself.

As you measure out grounds into the French press, you maintain a cheerful disposition. This is it, you think. Don’t back down now.

“They’re doing great, we had so much fun! We went to that new bar on Oakland Street, I think it’s called like Stevie’s?” Of course it’s called Stevie’s, it had been all anyone could talk about since the new bar opened earlier in the semester.

“Oh, yeah, uhm I’ve heard good things, good things….” His voice has a nervous edge to it, and a glance in his direction confirms that he’s awkwardly rubbing his neck as he usually does when he has something to hide. 

You push on: “Yeah! I think you would totally love it! Very much your vibe. Anyway, we got absolutely plastered, to be honest I’m not even sure I remember how much I had to drink.” A pause for dramatic effect accompanied by a ditzy laugh. “But y’know, I do remember seeing one thing.” You carefully bloom the grounds before pouring the rest of the water in, focusing your gaze away from Reiner in order to keep your cool.

“Oh?”

You casually set the chicken shaped kitchen timer on the fridge to four minutes and adopt a thoughtful tone. “Yeah, I saw Annie there. Which was odd, because she told me that she had this huge group project to be working on. Guess she finished early. Oh, and you know what else I saw?”

“W-what?” A sharp turn away from the fridge reveals his increasingly nervous face to you

“I saw you there, too! Maybe you got so drunk at the “frat thing” you just don’t remember going, how funny is that?” You keep your voice light but find yourself unable to maintain a smile, your expression slipping into somewhere in between hurt and determined.

He shifts awkwardly on his feet and looks anywhere but your face, hand still rubbing the back of his neck. “Ahaha, really? Are you sure it was me, becau--”

“Oh, it was you. And do you know what you were doing?” This time, your voice is icier than the sidewalk in February after a week of sleet, causing his body to still and face to fall.

“N-no…” It’s almost pitiful how quiet he is now that his usually confident demeanor is shaken.

“You were kissing Annie. Which is funny, considering you both are in relationships.” The statement hangs in the air and you stare steadily into his eyes. You make it a point to regulate your breathing and blink back the first tears beginning to pool.

After another charged split second, your idiot ex-boyfriend decides on the worst path: badly gaslighting you into thinking it wasn’t him.

“I uhm, I was uh, are you sure? It couldn’t have been A-Annie-- I mean uhm, me, uh, ahaha, if it was, that’s so funny…” He stumbles over his words, only trailing off in defeat when you hold up a hand to silence him.

“Save it, Reiner. I already had a breakdown last night, I’m not particularly in the mood to deal with yours.” You limp over to the table and pull out a chair to reveal the cardboard box of his things you had packed up that morning. “Here’s your stuff, now get the hell out and stay the fuck away from me. Maybe go grovel to Bertholdt and see if you can salvage that relationship.” Your hand trembles as you point at the box and then the door and your lip quivers with the effort of not crying.

Reiner evidently sees the vulnerability in your eyes and decides to grasp at a few last straws, adopting a pleading mien, complete with sad smile and innocent eyes. He moves towards you slowly, as though approaching a wounded animal, and reaches out to lay a hand on your shoulder. “Aww, come on, baby, it wasn’t like that, it was just a heat of the moment thing, I didn’t mean--”

“Didn’t mean what?” Facade finally breaking, all you can muster up is a furious, cracked whisper and angry tears. “Didn’t mean to stick your tongue down my best friend’s throat? Didn’t mean to practically fuck your best friend’s girlfriend in public?”

“No, I mean, yes, but I, aw, c’mon sweetheart,” he admonishes, cautiously reaching out to wipe away your tears. You cringe away, but before he can touch you his arm is ripped away and he’s stumbling back with a shocked expression.

“I believe the lady told you to get the fuck out.” Levi’s standing in front of you out of nowhere, hands eerily still at his side. Evidently, he had come back from the store smack in the middle of The Dumpening, and a glance towards the entryway confirms there are grocery bags discarded haphazardly on the floor. Turning your attention back to the men in your kitchen, you see Reiner’s face has rapidly shifted from surprised to angry. He’s caught himself against the counter, breathing hard, eyes flicking from your teary eyes to Levi.

“Hey, this isn’t any of your fuckin’ business, buddy,” Reiner drawls, confident as he straightens up to his full height. He practically towers over Levi, the shortest of the three of you, and you can tell he’s already estimating your roommate to be an easy fight should it come down to that. Sharp panic enters your chest at the thought of a fight breaking out, and your hand flinches out to grasp Levi’s jacket sleeve desperately. You’ve seen Reiner in a couple bar fights, and even drunk he’s a force to be reckoned with.

He doesn’t acknowledge your touch, instead injecting a quiet venom into his usually dispassionate tone. “You made it my fuckin’ business when you touched my roommate without her permission in my home.”

The taller man opens his mouth to retort, but you beat him to the punch: “Reiner, just go. I want you to leave.” Some mettle has returned to your voice and you force obstinate lungs to take a deep breath. “Please take your stuff and go.”

Eye contact with Reiner usually makes you feel warm and safe and in love, both of you prone to wearing your heart on your sleeve. This time the experience is sullied by conflicting anger and hurt and guilt written across his face, filling your already aching heart with an unshakeable leaden weight.

He inhales sharply, then speaks in a much more uncertain voice. “Is this really what you want?”

Your mouth quirks to the side in an effort to quell more tears. “Yes, this is really what I want.”

The fight slumps out of his body, shoulders rounding imperceptibly, and he holds up his hands in defeat. He crosses to the cardboard box of his things sitting on the kitchen chair. You don’t miss the way Levi casually keeps his body between you and Reiner, staring him down as he moves towards the pair of you. Your grip hasn’t slackened on Levi’s jacket, and at this point you can’t distinguish if it’s to stop him from doing something stupid or simply to have something to hold onto.

Reiner hoists the box into his arms and turns his head towards you once more.

“Goodbye,” his voice cracks on your name and you tear your eyes away in favor of staring at the linoleum kitchen floor.

The front door clicks shut.

You finally drop your hand from Levi’s sleeve, sink slowly into the chair behind you, and bury your face in your hands. The dull aching of your heart seems to seep through the rest of your body until your limbs are heavy, ankle throbbing from standing on it for too long.

You hear Levi’s retreating footsteps towards the door, the shunk of the lock slipping into place, and the crinkle of plastic grocery bags as he picks them up off the floor. He works in silence putting the food away, giving you space to collect your scattered self. When his task is complete, he joins you at the table, sitting in the chair which had previously been occupied by Reiner’s box. 

When the chicken timer rings, he calmly shuts it off and returns to sit by you. 

When his cell phone dings with a text notification, he deftly sets it to “Do Not Disturb” and returns to keeping you company.

When you finally meet his eyes, it looks like you’ve aged a year.

“You all right?”

“Been better.”

“At least this time you’re sober.”

“Pfft,” you scoff. “Wish I wasn’t.”

“On that note, I got wine and cheese at the store. The “perfect break up cure”, in your own words.” His tone is dry, but his mouth is slightly quirked at the side. “And I saw that Pride and Prejudice is streaming on Netflix.”

His thoughtfulness chips into your melancholy, and you hazard a watery smile. “Aw Levi, you didn’t have to do that.” With that, you lean over and pull him into a warm hug, arms around his neck and chin hooked over his shoulder. He hesitantly puts his own arms around you and pats your back awkwardly.

“Really, it’s no--”

“Oh, shut up and let me be grateful for you.”

--

(read Part 1.5 here)

[xtruss]

The Star-Spangled Banner during Times of War

— Woodstock | Article | By Carolyn MacLeod

Jimi Hendrix playing his guitar during his set at the Woodstock Music and Art Fair. Playing with Jimi Hendrix is Billy Cox. Photo by Henry Diltz/Corbis via Getty

By the time Jimi Hendrix took the stage at Woodstock around 9 a.m. on Monday, August 18, 1969, many of the festivalgoers had already left. Those that stayed were witness to one of the most iconic performances at the Music and Art Festival: his “Star-Spangled Banner.”

“I was backstage writing up some notes,” recalled journalist Bernard Collier in Woodstock: Three Days that Defined a Generation. “Suddenly into my head stabbed this sound. It sounded exactly like rockets, missiles and bombs bursting in air. I’d never heard anything like that in my life.”

It’s difficult today to separate this performance from the summer of 1969, and thanks to the Academy Award-winning 1970 documentary Woodstock, the performance has become emblematic of the experience of Woodstock itself. At the time, however, Hendrix’s performance came across as startling and utterly new.

“I remember people literally tearing their hair out,” said Woodstock director, Michael Wadleigh. "I looked out with one eye and I saw people grabbing their heads, so ecstatic, so stunned and moved, a lot of people holding their breath, including me. No one had ever heard that. It caught all of us by surprise.”

Hendrix wasn’t the first musician in the 20th century to surprise and disturb audiences with an artistic re-interpretation of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Before him, José Feliciano in 1968 and Igor Stravinsky in 1944 also gave audiences hitherto unheard experiences of the national anthem. Their interpretations invited controversy, but each artist saw his performance as a patriotic act. Hendrix in his performance did something further that had not been accomplished previously, not even by the original. In performing the anthem with his psychedelic take on the blues, Hendrix brought the lyrics to life and in doing so transformed the national anthem into a commentary on American ideals in a time of war.

Woodstock promised three days of peace, love and music during the turmoil of the Vietnam War and racial unrest of the civil rights movement. Through the screen of drugs and utopianism, these realities were evident, nonetheless. The political climate was reflected in music throughout the festival, from Richie Haven’s “Freedom” in the opening performance of the festival, to Joan Baez’s renditions of “Joe Hill” and “We Shall Overcome,” to Country Joe McDonald’s “I-Feel-Like-I’m-Fixin’-To-Die Rag,” to Jefferson Airplane’s “Uncle Sam Blues,” to The Who’s “My Generation.”

Three days bled into four and Hendrix began to play "The Star-Spangled Banner" that Monday morning, as the festival drew to a close.

“We’re at the most peaceful gathering that was probably happening on the planet at the time. And he hooked us up with Vietnam,” said Tom Law, a member of the Hog Farm commune who was present that morning. “It was the devastation and the brutality and the insanity. That was a quintessential piece of art.”

Three weeks later, on September 9, 1969, Jimi Hendrix walked onto the set of the Dick Cavett Show. Cavett soon turned the conversation to Hendrix’s Woodstock set. “What was the controversy about the national anthem and the way you played it?”

“I don’t know man,” said Hendrix. “All I did was play it. I’m American, so I played it. I used to sing it in school, they made me sing it in school so — it was a flashback, you know.”

Over the audience’s laughter at Hendrix’s cool response, Cavett joked, “This man was the 101st airborne, so when you write your nasty letters in…”

A puzzled look bloomed on Hendrix’s face. “Nasty letters?”

“Well, when you mention the national anthem and talk about playing it in an unorthodox way,” Cavett explained, “you immediately get a guaranteed percentage of hate mail from people — “

“That’s not unorthodox,” Hendrix interrupted. “That’s not unorthodox.”

“It isn’t unorthodox?”

“No. No, no. I thought it was beautiful. But there you go.”

In January of 1944, at the height of World War II and 25 years before Woodstock, Igor Stravinsky prepared to conduct his "Star-Spangled Banner" with the Boston Symphony Orchestra.

In his arrangement, Stravinsky hoped to address an issue that has plagued the song since its earliest days: its tonal range. The distance from the lowest to the highest pitch in “The Star Spangled Banner” is twelve notes, or an octave and a half, making it unusually challenging to sing. Compare that with other countries’ anthems: England’s “God Save the Queen” has a range of seven notes, while France’s “La Marseillaise” and Canada’s “O Canada” each span nine. When congress was debating adoption of the song as the national anthem, singability was a chief concern. As much as Stravinsky sought to solve these problems, however, his miscalculated efforts and the war-time climate surrounding his performance led to uproar.

Stravinsky’s "Star-Spangled Banner" challenges listeners’ expectations subtly. Instead of the bouncy rhythm heard at the beginning of phrases, his rhythm is regimented and metered, like “a church hymn,” as Stravinsky put it. Especially off-putting may have been Stravinsky’s use of dissonance in the closing line “O’er the land of the free…,” with a dominant seventh undercutting the triumphant final phrases. According to the Associated Press review of the concert, Stravinksy’s effort to make the national anthem easier to sing along to failed: “[T]he odd, somewhat dissonant harmonies of the sixty-one-year-old composer’s arrangement became evident. Eyebrows lifted, voices faltered, and before the close practically [everyone] gave up even trying to accompany the score.”

The negative press apparently spurred the Boston Police to confront the composer before his second performance. An obscure Massachusetts law prohibited playing the national anthem as part of a medley, with embellishment or as dance music. Stravinsky agreed to remove his arrangement of the anthem from the program.

A Russian-born immigrant to the U.S., Stravinsky defended his interpretation of “The Star-Spangled Banner”: “It was my desire to do my bit in these grievous times toward fostering and preserving the spirit of patriotism in this country.” He became a naturalized U.S. citizen the following year.

Ten months before Woodstock, 23-year-old José Feliciano walked onto center field at Detroit’s Tiger Stadium to sing the national anthem at game five of the 1968 World Series. Feliciano, a Puerto Rican-born, crossover sensation, had recently won two Grammy Awards following the enormous popularity of his cover of the Doors’ “Light My Fire." But his interpretation of “The Star-Spangled Banner” was about to bring his career close to a screeching halt.

It was the fall of the year when American deaths in Vietnam reached their peak. Congress recently passed the Flag Protection Act of 1968, criminalizing the desecration of the American flag. On October 7, 1968, when Feliciano began to play, the tune on his guitar didn’t immediately sound like the national anthem. As he sang, listeners heard the national anthem as folk song. It sounded more like Bob Dylan than Francis Scott Key.

Amid the claps, also rose the unmistakable sound of boos. Irate calls flooded the stadium switch board and NBC, the network broadcasting the game. RCA Records released a recording of the performance as a single, which eventually peaked at number 50. Many commercial stations refused to play Feliciano’s music—this song or any other.

“When I did the anthem, I did it with the understanding in my heart and mind that I did it because I’m a patriot. I was trying to be a grateful patriot,” Feliciano later recalled. “I was expressing my feelings for America when I did the anthem my way instead of just singing it with an orchestra.”

Stravinsky attempted to make the national anthem more accessible but instead alienated his audience with his modernist approach and drew an intervention by police. Feliciano’s folk interpretation of the “Star-Spangled Banner” repelled some fans, who were offended by what he brought to the anthem. History has been kindest to Hendrix's interpretation, perhaps because of what he brought to the song. Hendrix put his psychedelic blues in service of a classic songwriting technique called "text painting," sometimes known as "word painting." This is where the music directly reflects the content of the lyrics. Hendrix brought the words of “The Star-Spangled Banner” to life by reflecting not just what they might have meant when they were written in 1814 but by reflecting the meaning they might take on for Hendrix and his audience in 1969.

Text painting can be heard throughout music history, from Gregorian chants that would employ rising melodies to accompany words describing Jesus’ ascension to heaven, to Johnny Cash’s chorus of “Ring of Fire” going steadily “down, down, down.” This connection between music and lyrics doesn’t exist in Key’s version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" but does in Hendrix’s performance.

Key’s lyrics are a patriotic description of a post-battle scene, but the words have very little to do with the music underscoring them — perhaps because they were composed nearly 40 years, an ocean and multiple wars apart. The music was composed by John Stafford Smith in 1775 as the song “To Anacreon in Heaven.” Smith was a young church musician in London who was commissioned by the Anacreontic Society, a gentlemen’s amateur music club, to compose the music for their club’s “constitutional song.” The lyrics to that version, written by Society president Ralph Tomlinson, eulogize the Greek poet Anacreon and his favorite themes: the very rock and roll topics of wine, women and music.

Francis Scott Key composed the poem following the Battle of Fort McHenry in 1814. Key, a respected lawyer and amateur poet, was sent to negotiate the return of a physician captured after the British marched through Washington D.C. and burned the White House and Capitol. From the Chesapeake Bay, where he secured the physician’s release, Key watched the sun rise on September 14, over the fort and its flag still waving after British bombardment. Key’s poem was then set to Smith’s music — an existing melody that doesn’t particularly correspond with the feeling or imagery of his words.

Hendrix, on the other hand, used text painting to powerful effect. His version is entirely instrumental, but he capitalized on his audience’s knowledge of the lyrics by emphasizing their meaning through sound. Notably, Hendrix played the entirety of the vocal melody — but punctuated the phrases with ornamental improvisations.

Hendrix begins the song fairly closely to the traditional vocal melody, adding a few melismatic flourishes and sustained notes, but tracking the first four lines of the eight-line song. Meanwhile, a snare drum taps out a tight rhythm, recalling a military drum line.

When Hendrix arrives at “And the rocket’s red glare,” the song begins to tip over. Using distortion pedals, he creates chorus effects and sends notes echoing into higher octaves — the sound of rockets soaring and bombs bursting over-head. The percussion follows suit and breaks from its regimented rhythm to join the guitar voice in a jazz-like cacophony. The guitar soars from the highs to lows as a deep grumbling creeps in, courtesy of Hendrix’s fuzz pedal. The melody returns with “the bombs bursting in air” before a siren-like wail deconstructs the tune once more. Then a descending slide from high to low notes sounds like a dive-bombing plane. Just when Hendrix is at his most discordant, his guitar seems to wail with human cries of anguish, and he returns to the melody at the song’s narrative climax of “Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.”

Before going into the song’s final couplet, Hendrix takes his version of Key’s war story and extends it to a moment outside the narrative frame of the song with a musical allusion to “Taps,” the bugle call played at military funerals and here a raw reminder of the cost of war. He completes the penultimate line, “O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,” letting the last note sustain and distort and tremble before continuing. On “O’er the land of the free” in the final line — he sustains the highest note, resounding for a moment, before the song ends and the distortion returns as a soft echo of the sounds that came before.

Hendrix infused the song with an experience of war up close — not with the glory of war nor the heartbreak of those at home, but as a sonic record of the overwhelming terror of battle as it was known then in 1969. He took the 155-year-old song and made it into an expression of lived experiences in his present-day America.

With his performance of the anthem, Hendrix joined the company of a Puerto Rican pop star and an immigrant modernist composer in a patriotism that embraces national ideals while making room for diverse cultures and experiences, even in a time war.

Hendrix refracted the militaristic “Star-Spangled Banner” text through his psychedelic re-invention of the African America blues tradition. It was unorthodox, beautiful and utterly American.

— Carolyn MacLeod is the Audience Engagement Editor at American Experience. Carolyn holds degrees in music education from James Madison University and Arts Administration from Boston University. In her free time, she writes about arts appreciation for a number of Boston-based online publications.

— Published July 30, 2019.

[ladyfloriographist]

Descent of Man

[Image source]

Pairing: Commander Joseph Lawrence (The Handmaid’s Tale (TV)) x femme!Reader

Warnings: SPOILERS, Canon-Divergence, Non-Canon, Post Season 3, Repression, Oppression, Dystopic Future, Dystopian Themes, Older Man/Younger Woman, Mentions of Pregnancy, Mentions of Death, Traditional Gender Roles, Religious Extremism

XXXX

“Straighten your back, dear. Don’t slouch.”

“Yes, Aunt Lydia.”

You tighten your grip on the handle of your red leather suitcase as you walk up the concrete path that leads to Commander Joseph Lawrence’s front door. Nerves in your legs tingle back to life. The drive from the Red Center was long, and Aunt Lydia had counselled you to mind your patience when you’d grown restless. But now, as you make your way to the crescent-shaped steps, you can’t help but hope for even one minute more in the van.

The overcast sky looms grey and ominous overhead.

“Remember, the Commander is a very powerful man.” Aunt Lydia’s cane clacks on the concrete alongside your footsteps. “He is very well respected, Ofjoseph. This is quite the opportunity for you.”

“Yes, Aunt Lydia.”

The old Victorian becomes grander and more imposing with every step you take towards it. Your gaze lifts higher and higher: first floor, second storey, then dormers and a tower that let light into what must be the attic. Stonework and Roman arches over the windows and doors signal the age of the house—it has to be at least one hundred years old.

“He has suffered great losses recently, as you well know.”

“Yes, Aunt Lydia.” She had recited the story over and over—and made sure you could tell it back to her, too. Your and Aunt Lydia’s footsteps fall into stride along the concrete path, fast approaching the stairs up to the house.

“His dear Wife, Mrs Eleanor Lawrence—may God protect and keep her—and then his Handmaid, too.” The Aunt tuts. “Oh, that wretched girl. I’d had such hopes, Ofjoseph—but you won’t disappoint me so, will you, dear?”

“No, Aunt Lydia.” The knot in your gut tightens.

“No, good girl.” Aunt Lydia modestly raises her brown skirts to ascend the concrete steps with grace. “Posture,” she says pointedly, brow arched, looking back at you with an appraising, approving glance before she knocks on the large black front door.

Just before you bow your head to look to the concrete beneath your feet, your eye is caught by something to the right, attached to the burnt-orange bricks that make up the gloriously antiquated home.

It’s a black wooden plaque, with three golden numerals in the centre framed by a golden ovoid ring.

132

You glance down quickly. You should not even be making an attempt to read, whether it be letters or numbers or anything. If Aunt Lydia saw recognition register on your face, she’d march you straight back to the van to return you to the Red Center for the swift removal of one of your fingers.

Leniency, for your first offence.

“The Commander has been very gracious in accepting you, Ofjoseph. You have a privileged place here.”

“Yes, Aunt Lydia. Praise be.”

“Mm,” Aunt Lydia hums in righteous agreement. “Praise be.”

…But still, it strikes you as unusual, as you stare at the grey concrete, that such a plaque should even exist, now. Such decorative tiles are relics from the time before Gilead—forbidden, now, and what’s more, utterly useless. How could such an inscribed plate remain intact when there are no more street signs to direct your way let alone numbered houses?

The front door swings open, shocking you out of your thoughts.

“Blessed day. Come in, Aunt Lydia.”

A female voice. Younger? Deferential.

A Martha: one of the two you’d been told to expect here.

“Blessed day, Sienna, thank you,” Aunt Lydia replies pleasantly. “Come along, Ofjoseph,” she says promptly, without a look back at you as she steps inside.

The interior of the Commander’s house greets you like, once, a warm hug might have done. Off the foyer is two sitting rooms, and they seem dark, but not sinister inside. The walls are papered with cranberry-red brocade and muted-toned, aging florals, or else—painted with rich, deep hues of colour. Dark-stained wood pocket doors with etched glass inserts lead to one sitting room and an archway with a stained-glass transom at the top leads to another. The heavy, patterned curtains inside make the sitting rooms feel cosy and private—even, dare you think, warm. Full and ornate bookshelves, rugs of paisley and Persian patterns, and an abundance of leather seating furnish the cluttered rooms.

“This way, please,” offers the Martha named Sienna, gesturing through the open pocket doors.

You follow Aunt Lydia, your eyes struggling to adequately absorb every detail of the room. Lamps on side tables, artworks from many different Schools arranged effortlessly on the walls, chests, sculptures, a chandelier, a fireplace.

Cushions and blankets strewn over the leather couches. Stacks of books lazing on armchairs.

An old, freestanding record player in one corner.

Knowledge, art, and music all reside here.

The house is lived in. Still. Even now.

“Can I getcha a tea, some coffee, Aunt Lydia?” comes a man’s voice from the far end of the room.

Before you can think better of it, your gaze snaps to the sound of his voice—relaxed, even casual in tone. He stands just inside another arched opening, hands tucked into the pockets of his trousers. A generous head of ghost-white hair tops his head. He has thick grey brows and a white beard peppered with silver and grey. Thin-framed glasses rest on the bridge of his nose. He wears a waistcoat, and a buttoned vest with a scarf tied like a cravat, in an ascot knot.

It’s the first you’ve seen a man of Gilead not dressed in a black suit and black tie.

“Commander Lawrence,” Aunt Lydia smiles, with only a slight waver in her voice. “Blessed day, Sir.” Your raised wings catch in her periphery and she glances at you with beady eyes.

You drop your head immediately, quickly and quietly pretending like you’d been studying the many colours in the Persian rug beneath your brown boots.

The Commander’s gaze flicks to you—not that you see it—before he looks back at the Aunt. “Hi, yeah,” he says, “blessed, good morning.” He calls down the hallway, “Sienna?”

You shift on your feet, tightening your grip on your own gloved hands where they rest in front of you. The Commander’s casual, informal, incorrect greeting stirs a sense of unease in your stomach. Was he merely distracted or… wilfully disrespectful? Could you even think such a thing, about a man like him?

Beside you, Aunt Lydia bristles, drawing in a sharp, quiet gasp. But she settles herself quickly.

“Sienna!?” calls the Commander again, louder this time before turning back to his guests.

Well, his one guest, who brought with her the newest member of his household.

“’d you say coffee, Aunt Lydia? I think Beth made scones.”

“Ah…” the Aunt hesitates, gathering herself in a way you’ve rarely seen her need to do. “Oh my. Tea would be a delight, Commander,” she recovers. “No need to waste your delicacies on me!”

“Hm,” Commander Lawrence huffs a mirthless laugh in response to Aunt Lydia’s self-deprecating smile, and the resulting silence is broken by a set of hurried footsteps that quickly enter the room.

“You called for me, Commander?”

The young Martha, her rich brown eyes wide, a sheen of sweat making her warm-brown skin glow, her voice slightly breathless.

“Auhm, yeah,” says Commander Lawrence, swivelling to address her. “Tea, please, Sienna—and bring three cups, would ya? Some of Beth’s scones, too.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Three cups?

“Thanks.”

“Three?”

Aunt Lydia’s incredulous voice cuts through the room like a warm knife in soft butter. It’s so abrupt, so much shriller than you are used to that your gaze flicks upwards.

The Aunt’s round, wrinkled face is dropped in an expression of pure shock. The room is silent, even Sienna’s retreating footsteps have ceased, as the three of you look between each other—stunned in the face of this blatant and brazen flouting of Gilead-sanctioned decorum.

It seems, as tested as Aunt Lydia has been since arriving at the Commander’s house, that this act of hospitality extended to you, a Handmaid, is the extent of what she can handle.

For the first time since meeting him, you spot a hint of a smile flicker across Commander Lawrence’s face, as elusive as the passing of a shadow, or a ghost. “Three, Lydia,” he says quietly, with a self-assured confidence that dares her to question him further—especially since he refused to use her title.

The air is thick with tension. You hold your breath.

Aunt Lydia’s lower lip quivers as she searches for words. Her brow creases, her small eyes flitting between his as she holds the Commander’s gaze.

You hear her suck in a breath before she speaks again.

“Th-hank you, Commander Lawrence.” Aunt Lydia swallows. “Praise be, you are most generous, Sir.”

Everything breathes again. Footsteps recede down the hall once more, the walls themselves sigh with relief. For a moment you almost think you hear birdsong outside—but that’s next to impossible, over all the radio chatter.

“Welcome,” the Commander replies, lazily omitting words in his speech once more. His tone is breezily self-assured once again, but his dark eyes have hardened into a cold stare. He turns his gaze on you. “Sit.”

You look to the floor so quickly there’s a twinge in your neck, and you drop into the nearest seat. “Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. Under His Eye, Sir.”

“Alright,” the Commander cringes at your nervous rambling. “No problem, just, yeah. Siddown.”

You clasp your gloved hands together in your lap, your eyes fixed on the tiny balls of lint that have gathered near the seams. Everything about this man, from his clothes, to his manner, to his home, is contrary to what you’d been told to expect.

“Please,” says the Commander to Aunt Lydia, gesturing and offering for her to take a seat also. He walks around one of the armchairs, picks up a stack of three books and unceremoniously drops them on top of the existing stack on a nearby side table so he can sit down, too.

Aunt Lydia, frazzled and just barely recovering from the disrespect afforded her by the Commander, uneasily sits down on one of the brown leather couches. She sits like she’s perching on it, not quite setting down all her weight, on an angle to take up only the smallest possible amount of space.

She clears her throat. “Commander,” she forces a smile, shifting to face him, “it is my great hope that Ofjoseph will bring some,” she pauses, anxiously looking around at the many artworks and stacks of books that decorate the room, “stability, to your household, Sir. By His Hand.”

“Thanks,” says Commander Lawrence. “’ppreciate it.”

“I…” Aunt Lydia stammers again, stumbling over the Commander’s audacious disregard for social custom. It’s unorthodox—or rather, much worse—it’s a deliberate, transparent, shameless violation of his role as a Commander in the Republic of Gilead.

Lost for words, Aunt Lydia merely nods her head in deference. Her fingers flex around the gilded handle of her cane.

The Commander hums to clear his throat as Sienna brings a laden tray into the room. One teapot, three teacups, a plate of scones, and one small ramekin of butter.

The Martha sets it all down on the coffee table and the porcelain rattles softly in the stifling silence.

“Thanks, Sienna,” says Commander Lawrence, leaning forward to pour himself a cup of tea as the younger Martha leaves the room. “Hey, uh,” he sits back in his armchair, cup and saucer in hand, “you.”

You feel his eyes on you. This is how he chooses to address you? To draw your attention to him? ‘You’?

The stillness in the room is expectant, now. You tell yourself to lift your head.

“Ofjoseph?” Aunt Lydia prompts you.

Commander Lawrence speaks over the top of her. “Look at me.”

You lift your gaze to meet his. There’s nothing hard or soft in his stare, nothing warm or cold in the way he regards you. He merely sees you—his eyes observing, his lips in a line that neither smiles nor frowns.

He’s a wall, but built to defend or protect, you can’t read right now.

“My last Handmaid was a bit of a rabble-rouser,” he says easily, his voice nonchalant, “so I'm gonna say to you the same thing I said to her, ‘kay?”

You swallow, absorbing his candour. Aunt Lydia had told you never to speak of the last Ofjoseph, even if it was asked of you. But this particular question posed by the Commander requires more than a passive response. You get the sense that a number of conversations with him will be like this, and so you steel yourself to speak with a clear voice. “Yes, Commander.”

He keeps his gaze locked with yours, and brings his steaming teacup to his lips. He takes a slow sip, eyes trained on yours, and you resist the urge to shrink and shrivel into yourself.

The Commander swallows and sets his cup onto the saucer. It clinks, and after letting the small sound land for beat he says lowly, “You’re not gonna be any trouble, are you?”

Your breath catches, your voice stalling in your throat. Staring at him heats your blood, makes your palms perspire in your gloves. The man is dignified; he holds himself almost regally wherever he sits or stands. Is it the power he holds that makes him handsome, or is innate attraction purling in the pit of your gut?

…What will the Ceremony be like with him?

“No, Sir,” you say, your voice so soft it cracks. You gulp and collect yourself. Timidity does not seem to be a quality Commander Lawrence respects—another lesson you’d ardently learned only to be proven useless in his house. With more confidence, but not too much, particularly for Aunt Lydia’s benefit, you say, “Praise be to you, Commander, and may He make me truly worthy.”

You can feel Aunt Lydia’s presence lift with pride. You can see the smile spread across her face without needing to look at her, and can hear her words in your head without her needing to speak them.

‘Very good, dear,’ comes the Aunt’s voice in your mind.

The Commander looks you over, stoic as ever. “Ya,” is all he says in reply.

“Ofjoseph is one of our most promising Handmaids, Commander, allow me to assure you,” Aunt Lydia chimes in, now, finally, feeling on equal footing again. “Since the horrendous tragedies that your household has withstood, we thought it right and just that you be unburdened in at least this regard, Sir.”

“Unburdened?” the Commander replies flatly, his stalwart gaze now fixed on the Aunt.

You’re not sure whether you can look away from him. Does he wish for your eyes to remain on him? Does he expect you to look at him and from him at your own discretion? Would he like you to use your own judgement?

Regardless, it is clear that the decision of the Red Center Aunts to provide a pious, docile new Handmaid as consolation for his wife’s death is—at the very best—unappreciated by the Commander.

But whether or not Commander Lawrence appreciates the gesture and the gift that the Aunts have made you into is, ultimately, not your concern. Your first and last and only priority is that you fall pregnant with Commander Lawrence’s child as soon as humanly possible—or it’s the Colonies for you.

However, you being his sixth Handmaid, the Commander needs you to fall pregnant with his child just as quickly—given, especially, the sudden exodus of most of Gilead’s children seemingly overnight.

“Forgive me, Commander,” Aunt Lydia frowns, her eyes softening apologetically. “I only meant—”

“’s fine,” he interrupts, setting his cup and saucer back on the tray. “Tea’s gone cold, anyway,” the Commander stands from his seat and straightens his waistcoat, clearing his throat. “You can find your way out, Aunt Lydia?”

“Certainly, Sir,” Aunt Lydia assures him, mirroring his movement and standing from the sofa, somewhat uneasily on her injured leg. On instinct, you rise to your feet too.

“Til next time,” the Commander says, his voice laced with sarcastic fondness, as he strolls from the room and into what must be his private study. He doesn’t spare you a single backwards glance as he pulls another set of pocket doors closed behind him.

Silence settles over the sitting room like night.

Just like that, the visit concludes, and the realisation washes over you.

You’re not leaving with Aunt Lydia, when she goes, which she’s sure to do in just a moment.

This is it. The transaction is complete.

Your place is here. This house is now your home.

“I’ll be back the day after the Ceremony, dear,” Aunt Lydia says, leaning on her cane to stand. “In about, oh!” she pauses, looks at you with bright eyes, “seven days! Oh, sacred number. Blessings, Ofjoseph. May God bring forth His miracle.”

You muster a smile for her. Despite how this woman screamed at you, berated you, withheld your food and your sleep and denigrated your sense of self until you believed you were worth nothing more than being impregnated and delivering a healthy baby, her absence from your daily routine will be an adjustment.

You say, “Under His Eye, Aunt Lydia.”

She cups your cheek. “Under His Eye, dear.”

The Aunt makes her way to the door, met by Sienna and the second Martha, Beth, who stand in the foyer to see her off. The front door closes behind Aunt Lydia, and as soon as the latch locks it’s as if a dark, heavy storm cloud lifts from the house.

The Marthas sigh and relax, chattering eagerly and bickering animatedly about tonight’s dinner and even complaining about the Commander’s fussiness as they strut down the hallway to the kitchen. From the other side of the house, you hear a flare of music go up: some kind of Big Band era song, with trumpets and tubas and horns playing vivace—lively and fast.

The sun peeks out from behind the shroud of overcast sky, lighting up the sitting rooms with the glow of mid-afternoon.

You take a breath.

This old house feels alive.