#also you want to know something fucked up this album is not even available in my country i have to use a vpn to get it and idek know why

[yourfavouritemoondemon]

Hello friends, I barely know how to use this app but I know the magnus archives fans are here!!! Not sure how many people here are tma fans and also Aurora fans but I am being driven insane, absolutely berserk. Aurora just released an album and on it are two awesome songs, one called The blade and the other called My body is not mine. These songs have SUCH tma energy and I NEED someone else to know this and validate it. The blade to me is late TMA (like when everything goes to shit) and my body is not mine reminds me so much of Daisy!!!! So much!!! Honestly The blade also reminds me a lot of daisy, especially the ending. I have been artblocked for an ungodly amount of time but someone needs to make an Amv to these PLEASE

[therealcocoshady]

RED CARPET APPEARANCE 🎥

Eminem x Young Actress Reader

This is Part 2 of Daddy's Spaghetti 🥰

Synopsis : You argue with Em about a red carpet appearance at the Oscars.

The last thing you wanted was to argue with your boyfriend right before going to the Oscars, but there you were. Lately, the two of you had been arguing quite a bit. To be fair, both of you were working a lot and being in a long distance relationship didn’t help. Not only did you have to manage hectic schedules, you also had to deal with time difference and last minute changes in plans. You had been dating Marshall for a few months now and you weren’t too sure how long things would last. Sure, when you were together, things were great, but actually getting together seemed impossible, these days. Right when you thought you could both make time, there was always something coming up, like an unplanned studio session, a meeting, or God knows what else. It didn’t help either that Marshall was paranoid about the two of you being seen together. 

After more than a decade in the spotlight and living in Los Angeles, you were used to paparazzi and having your picture taken whenever you were running errands. Of course, sometimes, it was annoying, but you had learned to live with it. Marshall, on the other hand, in spite of having a career lasting over twenty-five years was as paranoid as one could get. It was one of the many reasons why he hated being in Los Angeles and always tried to get you to come to Detroit instead, along with the weather being too hot. In truth, you didn’t mind going to Michigan or spending a lot of time inside, just the two of you. This time, however, you wished he would be the one making an effort. You were nominated for an Oscar for the first time and it was a big night for you. You knew he wasn’t a big fan of public appearances but you wished he would agree to coming with you. After all, he was a nominee himself - for the same movie as you, mind you - and everyone pretty much knew about your relationship, even though none of you had officially confirmed it. To you, there was no reason not to walk the red carpet together. However, when you asked him if he would be your date to the Academy Awards, he wasn’t too enthusiast. In fact, all you got from him was a « erm, I don’t know. We’ll see. Let me think about it. ». And after giving it some thought, he decided not to go with you, breaking it to you over FaceTime, three days before the event. He brought up a bunch of reasons, like having a studio session with Dre that might run late and prevent him from making it in time, hating the red carpet anyway and not wanting to be paraded in a suit that made him look like a penguin. He did not seem to care that you having to take someone else as your date would mean you wouldn’t be sitting next to each other or that you would have wanted him to be by your side. You were mad. You had always known he didn’t really care about awards and public appearances, but you wished he would make an effort for you. Him being set in his ways made you feel like he wouldn’t put you first, just for once. 

Do you even want to be with me ? You blurted out after he told you to find another date. 

What the fuck ? He asked with disbelief all over his face. What does that have to do with that damn red carpet, Y/N ? 

You cancelled the last time you were supposed to come to LA, you’re never available and now you won’t even make an effort for me, you explained. If you don’t want to be with me anymore, just say so… 

You’re so dramatic, they better give you that Oscar, he groaned. Not everything is about you, you know ? I’m working my ass off to get the album done in time, I don’t need you complaining over a stupid red carpet appearance. 

Oh I’m being dramatic ? You asked as you stared at his face on the screen. I’ll give you drama : you can book a hotel room and forget about all the nasty things you were planning on doing to me in bed for next time we were supposed to see each other. 

Whatever, he said as he rolled his eyes. Just go and rehearse your acceptance speech. I have to go anyway. I have Dre calling on the other line. I’ll call you later. 

He did try to call you a couple of hours later, but you didn’t feel like picking up. You were still pissed off and, frankly, a little stressed out too. After all, he hadn’t answered your question about wanting to be with you. You knew you’d have to talk to him at some point - and get to the bottom of the situation, but you also didn’t want to break up over the phone merely three days before one of the most important events of your life. Whatever it was, it could wait until after the Oscars. 

You ended up walking the red carpet with your older brother as your date. The two of you were extremely close and he had always been your plus one to events. It sort of made sense to go to the Oscars with him, even though you would have loved to have Marshall by your side. Your big brother was all smiles as he watched you pose for the photographers in a stunning custom Alaïa dress. However, your attire or possible Best Actress win wasn’t exactly the main focus of the journalists, who were yelling questions about your boyfriend who was nowhere to be found. 

Where is Eminem, Y/N ? One asked. Is he coming tonight ? 

Are the two of you together ? Another yelled. 

You didn’t answer the questions about him, only the ones about your nomination, how you’d feel about winning, the movie and your outfit. You tried to focus on the positives and everything this night meant for your career, but you had a hard time focusing. All you wanted was Marshall’s hand in yours and him to be by your side. Hell, you had even picked the dress color because you thought he would like it. You knew that blue was his favorite color and had figured that, if the two of you were to walk the red carpet together, it would make his eyes pop. 

Breathe, your brother said. You look tense. Is this about Em ? 

Just call him by his name, you said as you rolled his eyes. You’ve met him. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to be your date and enjoy the open bar, he continued, but you look… upset ? 

I think he wants to break up with me, you said nervously. 

No he doesn’t, your brother scoffed. Where did you get that from ? 

Well, he’s never available, he didn’t want to be here with me tonight, and he called me dramatic, and… 

First of all, you are dramatic, your brother chuckled. Also, you know he’s working a lot… 

I should have known better than to ask his biggest fan for support, you said as you rolled your eyes. 

Just shut up and focus on your big night, sis, he said with a smile. My baby sister might be getting the biggest award there is for being dramatic, tonight. Now, I think we should focus on that, as well as the fact that stylists managed to make you look presentable. 

Your brother’s weird encouragement was a good way to make you smile, and the glasses of champagne waiters kept on handing you did a great job when it came to taking the edge off. You were taken to your seats and the ceremony began. You kept nervously searching for Marshall in the crowd but you didn’t manage to spot him. Was he skipping the whole thing ? Your mind wandered as the ceremony unfolded and you were soon on autopilot. It was your first time attending the Academy Awards and this had to be the longest ceremony ever. The only entertaining things were the various performances. Your heart skipped a beat when you heard the music of Marshall’s song - the one he had written for the movie. He was not supposed to perform tonight - this had not been announced - but he was on stage, rapping the song that got him his second Oscars nomination exactly twenty years after winning Best Original Song for Lose Yourself. The crowd was wild and you were excited as well. Seeing him on stage made you forget how mad at him you were and you were back to being his number one fan, gushing over how good he looked and rapping the lyrics at the same time, like the groupie you very much were. His performance got him a standing ovation and, twenty minutes and a commercial break later, he was back on stage, accepting the award for Best Original Song. Only this time, he was conforming to the Academy’s dress code, looking dapper in a tux. He might hate this type of outfit, but no one could deny he looked absolutely incredible. One detail did catch your eye : the bow tie he was wearing was made of the same fabric as your dress. He was matching with you ! 

When you wouldn’t return his calls, he called me to ask who you were going to wear, your brother told you. 

He did ? You squeed. 

Yep. Not the kind of thing anyone who wants to break up with you would do, I think. I’m not supposed to tell you, but he’s got another one to match your second dress, too… 

You couldn’t help but smile. The fact that he would go out of his way to call your brother, as well as the dressmakers to have a bowtie matching your dress was absolutely adorable. You couldn’t keep your eyes off Marshall, who was giving a heartfelt speech about how great it felt to have the Academy acknowledge hip-hop and how grateful he was to have the opportunity to be on this stage, two decades after Lose Yourself won. His speech was just like him : elegant and understated. When he went back to his seat, you could see him search for you in the crowd and you waved quietly, sending him a kiss. You couldn’t wait to go and hug him. 

Can’t you behave ? Your brother chuckled. There’s cameras, Y/N. And try not to eye fuck him or drool, this time, will you ? 

I’ll try, you giggled. 

You were almost in agony the rest of the night and the two of you kept looking  and smiling at each other. As always when the two of you were in the same room, you were unable to take your eyes off him for a single second. You didn’t pay much attention to anything else that was going on, so much so that you almost missed your name being called for Best Actress. Everyone around you got up and cheered for you and you were lost. You had actually won an Oscar ?! You ? It didn’t feel right. Bit it was indeed, your name on the screen, and people kept on looking at you. Your brother had to help you get up as you came to your senses and realized that your childhood dream had come true. You made your way to the stage as tears of joy were welling in your eyes. You were almost shaking with nerves as you started your acceptance speech. You had one written and memorized but you couldn’t remember it for the life of you. You spotted Marshall in the crowd, who was smiling and looking at you with pride in his eyes, mouthing a silent « I love you ». 

I… Wow, you said nervously into the microphone. I can’t believe this is happening. I had something really heartfelt, clever and funny written but I can’t remember a single word so please bear with me. Hum… Standing here, on this stage, holding this award is a childhood dream come true. First, I want to thank my family who has always supported my passion, and I’d like to thank everyone in Hollywood that gave me a chance to act. And everyone who didn’t. In fact, I want to acknowledge every person who doubted me. And every boyfriend of mine who called me dramatic. There have been a few, and you best believe I’m creating a group chat tonight and telling them that I actually got an award for being dramatic and made it my full-time job. Um… What else ? Oh, uh, thank you to my manager, assistant, glam squad… Shout out to Alaïa for getting me into this dress tonight, and shout out to Marshall Mathers who will be taking it off me tonight. Dreams do come true, guys ! 

The crowd erupted in cheers and laughter and you could see Marshall laughing before you exited the stage. When you made it backstage, you took a moment to sit and realize what just happened. You had won an Oscar. Oh, and you had accidentally mentioned Marshall taking off your clothes. On stage. While million of people probably watched the ceremony on TV… Oops. A few people came to congratulate you, though you were quickly ushered back to your seat for the remainder of the ceremony. The movie you were in did not end up winning Best Picture, but you easily got over your disappointment. When the ceremony ended, you were swarmed by an army of people who came to congratulate you. You even got to hug Meryl Streep and tell her how she was the one who made you want to act in the first place, and this was definitely the highlight of your night. Your brother had gotten out of your sight and was enjoying the open bar, as he always did whenever he came with you to an event. When the crowd began to vacate, you had a moment to yourself. That’s when you spotted your boyfriend. 

Congratulations, he said as he pulled you into his arms. 

Congratulations to you too, you said giddily. You were amazing on stage ! 

As were you, he replied with a smile. Great speech, by the way… 

Oh my God, I am so sorry, you said. I forgot my speech, and I-I… Are you mad ? 

It’s fine, he chuckled. You’re way too adorable for me to be mad. 

Really ? You asked nervously. I know how you are about privacy… 

Really, he said reassuringly. And with you looking like this… ? I am glad everyone knows you’re spoken for. 

I think they got the idea when they saw you matching with me, you said with excitement. 

You like it ? He asked with a smile. I had to ask your brother and harass the dressmakers. They hate me. 

He told me, you said giddily. And I know you have another one to match my dress for the afterparty, too… 

If you still want me as your date, that is, he pointed out. 

I do, you giggled. But I’m going to need your help to get out of this dress and into the other… 

Let’s go, then. 

He grabbed your hand and you walked out of the theater, holding your awards, while an army of journalists were screaming to get your attention. You half-expected Marshall to let go of your hand, knowing how guarded he was when it came to the press, but he only squeezed it tighter before grabbing you by the waist as you made your way to a car. 

Em, how are you feeling tonight ? A journalist asked. 

Have you seen my date ? I’m great, man, he grinned as he looked at you lovingly. 

VIDEO : WATCH AS EMINEM GUSHES OVER Y/N AFTER THE OSCARS

Eminem & Y/N have officially confirmed their relationship ! The couple did not walk the red carpet together but they certainly made a memorable exit, as Eminem gushed over his date to journalists while not letting go of her. This happened after Y/N hinted at Em taking her Alaïa dress off her in her acceptance speech. While the Rap God did not mention his girlfriend in his own speech, he certainly appeared in love. While known for his stoic face, he was seen smiling all evening, especially when they made their way to the Vanity Fair afterparty (almost an hour late, mind you…)  in matching outfits. And if he does not seem like one to kiss and tell, no one missed Y/N’s lipstick all over his mouth, nor the hickies in his neck. 

That night was a big one for the rapper and the movie star, as they both took home statues, respectively for Best Original Song and Best Actress. And from the looks of it, they certainly celebrated. 

[hyun-xxe]

You're Mine, Silly! (Yandere!Jungkook x F!Reader) PART 1

Summary: You've only met him once at a fan meet. You were excited and happy since he was your bias. Thats how you saw him. However, Jungkook saw things differently.

warnings: none

PART 1

There he was, sitting down right in front of you. A part of you still couldn't believe that he was literally a foot away, smiling at you. The sparkle in his eyes bright and shiny, just like his smile.

You swore everything inside you melted away and no thought was left except for Jungkook.

"Hey there!" he waves, grabbing your hand in his, "What's your name beautiful?" he asks, rubbing your palm with his thumb.

It took everything in you not to pass out right in front of you so you mustered up the courage to speak. "Hi!! My name is Y/N! I'm so excited to finally meet you!" you smile brightly, jumping up and down.

"Excited you say?" he smirks, leaning closer, his cologne spreading up toward you, giving you a whiff of his scent. "What makes me so exciting to you?" he questions.

You pretend to think on it real hard when in reality it was so fucking obvious why. "Hmmmm well, I can't deny that you are my bias. You're such a talented singer, song writer, are funny, and so adorable."

His eyes softened as you rambled about things you like about him. With every word you said and the way you seemed so passionate about how you feel made him feel a certain way.

When you realized you were rambling, you felt your face become hot and you removed your hand from his hold. Embarrassment filled you as you scratched the back of your neck, "I'm sorry," you apologize, "I didn't mean to ramble off your ear." you laugh.

Your laugh was cute, something he would love to hear often.

"No, don't apologize." he says and reached over to, once again, hold your hand in his. "Please, don't feel embarrassed. It was cute."

With his free hand, he reached over and grabbed your album to sign. Jungkook did not want to let go of your soft hand. It felt nice in his, like it belonged there.

When you saw him sign it with a message to your name, you opened your mouth. "Can you also put Elijah?" you ask.

he quirked his eyebrow up, confused at your request but nevertheless wrote down the name, "Is he your brother?" Jungkook asked.

You shake your head, "He's my boyfriend! He was the one who bought my ticket actually!" you smiled, "He really wanted to come today, but there was an emergency at work."

Jungkook felt himself freeze. You have a boyfriend? What?

It didn't make any sense. How could you ramble on about how perfect Jungkook is and how adorable he is, only to now say you're in a relationship?

"Oh really?" he mumbled under his breath, trying to contain his cool. "You didn't mention him before."

"it slipped my mind because I was so excited to meet you guys. You and Jimin are his biases."

He didn't know how to feel. Certainly you were flirting with him, there was no doubt, but now you're saying you're with someone. It just didn't make any sense.

"I wish he could've made it." Jungkook says, knowing damn well he didn't mean it.

The bell rung, signaling that it was time to rotate. He didn't want you to go and hated how he only had five minutes to talk to you.

You picked up your album to move on, hoping he would let go of your other hand, but he didn't. In fact, it was as if he held it tighter. You tried releasing your hand, but it was firmly held in his.

Was this by mistake?

Looking to your right, you saw the others behind grow impatient as they looked your way. A lot of the other fans caught glimpse of Jungkook still holding your hand and looking at you with full eyes.

He wasn't letting go and it made you scared because you didn't want to get yelled at by staff and even get kicked out.

In the corner of your eye, you saw a staff make their way toward you and you tried your best to get your hand out, but to no avail. However, there was a savior that stepped in.

Jin placed his hand on Jungkook's shoulder, gaining the youngest's attention. "Uhm, are you okay, Jungkook?" he asked, looking between you both. "The bell rang almost a minute ago, let go of the poor ladies hand."

It took everything in Jungkook to not yell at his hyung, but he obeyed his orders.

"I'm sorry Y/N!" he said, eyes pleading with you, "I got lost in thought and didn't mean for this to happen!"

He was loud and everyone was looking, it made you feel hot with embarrassment, but seeing how he is right now made you feel bad for some reason. As if it was your fault.

"it's ok!" you say, moving in front of Jin, "No need to apologize."

After that, everything felt quick for you. Seeing other members made you happy and it was something you would never forget, especially with Jungkook. He didn't mean to hold your hand that long, so you didn't really think much of it. Besides, you mentioned your boyfriend and your love for Elijah will triumph over Jungkook any day.

However, it was the next day that made things go downhill. You woke up to your phone going off every second. it scared you, made you think a relative died and that your siblings or parents were trying to get ahold of you.

But when you opened your sister's messages, your eyes popped out.

sister: Go check Twitter right now!!

sister: Y/N, WAKE UP!!! THIS IS IMPORTANT!!

sister: if u dont wake up rn ill fucking drive over to your apartment and nuke your door down

You message her quickly, telling her that you're checking right now. Opening the app, it was the first thing that popped up.

WHO IS THE GIRL THAT CAPTURED JK'S HEART?

Was the first headline you saw. You prayed hard and deep that it was something totally different and did not involve you at all.

You clicked on the tweet and your heart dropped. It was clearly a picture of you at the fan meet. it was the moment when Jungkook held onto your hand tightly and didn't let go. Even now you can clearly see the soft look in his face as he stared at you.

How stupid were you for not realizing that fans could take things the wrong way and make it to what it really isn't!

You read the tweet and it made your blood boil.

I was at BTS' fan meet last night and what I saw made me gasp! When the bell rung for the fans to move onto the next member, there was a moment that made everyone shocked. Jungkook wouldn't let go of this girls hand! I don't know her name or who she is, but when I zoomed in, you can see the look in his eyes that he had for her! It was adorable and sweet! The way he held her hand made me swoon!

#BTS #whoIsTheGirl #Jungkook

You scrolled through other tweets, some of them confused, others shocked, a few of them were hate, but a lot of them were excited. It pissed you off. This wasn't Wattpad, this only should happen in cringe stories. You were dating the love of your life and this could seriously ruin things.

Going to Elijah's contact, you tried calling him twice, but he didn't pick up. You texted him asking if he was ok, but he just read your message.

Everything was going downhill so you grabbed your stuff and headed over to your boyfriends apartment.

Upon arriving, you knocked several times for him to answer because there was no way in hell you were leaving without explaining things. When he opened the door, you invited yourself in without asking.

"What are you doing?" he asks, closing and locking the door behind him, "whats wrong?"

You tilted your head, confused by his actions. Is he this mad that he looks so calm?

"I'm here to talk about whats happening on twitter and want to give you my side." you say.

His eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Something on twitter? Care to elaborate?"

"Why are you acting confused? Aren't you angry? I tried texting and calling but you ignored them."

He laughed and walked up to you, giving your forehead and kiss, "I am sorry, honey. I was on the phone with my sister and was trying to calm her down from her first heartbreak. When I saw your text, my phone died."

Elijah then walked to the counter and showed his phone with the screen showing the black background and white apple icon, signifying that it was just turning on from it being dead.

You felt the worry ease just a little as you finally calmed down. "oh thank god." you whisper, placing your hand over your chest. "You scared me so much."

he chuckles and stands in front of you, "Whats happening though? Tell me."

So you told him everything, about how Jungkook kept holding your hand, fans took pictures, thought of something else, and now you're trending on Twitter. You showed him the tweets, pictures, and tags.

His eyes scanned each and every one of them, and after he smiled and chuckled. "Oh Y/N." he gives you a tight hug, "Did you think I was angry about this? That I believed it?"

You nodded your head in his chest.

"You're such a dork." he ruffles your hair, "I would've called your if anything, and besides this is not something you would do. You're loyal, and kind, and I trust you. It was a mistake and the fans fault for taking things the wrong way."

You felt like there was a heavy weight that was lifted from your shoulder. He understood and listened carefully to your words and it made you realize how lucky you are to have him as your boyfriend.

He tried his best to cheer you up, making you food and putting on your favorite show.

When you got the notification that Jungkook was live on Weverse, you and your boyfriend stopped what you were doing to watch it, hoping he would clear up any rumor.

"Hello," he says, waving at the camera. He waited for more people to come on and just kept staring at the lense. When enough people joined, he started talking more.

"'did you see what is trending on twitter?' Yeah, I have actually. She looks pretty in that picture." he says, smiling to himself.

You tilted your head, confused by his words. Shouldn't he shoot down the rumor now instead of fueling it by saying how pretty you are?

"You guys should know that she is just has pretty as her name. Everything about her is flawless." he laughs to himself and reads another comment "'are you guys dating?' I guess this is where I have to be honest and upfront with you guys."

You felt relieved that he was finally going to dispell the rumors between you both and you can finally be at peace from all of this.

"Yes, we are dating. We wanted to keep it on the down low and she wanted to surprise me at the event, but I guess my love for her got the best of me."

Your blood ran cold and your eyes widened. Did you hear him correctly? Was he being serious? You were hoping he said something else and you just needed to check your hearing?

You turned to your boyfriend and see that hes also wide eye, frozen in his place, and even shaking just a little.

"Please, army, im asking you guys to refrain from getting into her privacy. She is human after all, my love and my girl. It would mean the world to me if you showed kindness and love to our relationship."

Why is he doing this? You didn't understand why he was saying these things and what made him attached to you. "What the actual fuck!" you screamed out, throwing your phone.

"How long have we been dating?" he reads aloud, "Since five months already." Jungkook smiles, "I cant believe time has flown by so fast!" he chuckles. "Do the members like her? Of course they do! They're so protective over her, but not too much. After all, shes my girl."

You were sick to your stomach hearing him speak more. The realization dawned on you from last night and why he kept on holding your hand tight, even when you had to move on. Him being your bias sickened you as you realized who this man truly is.

To his fans, he was the kindest and sweetest person ever, his eyes fooled everyone, even you. But now this?

Seeing your boyfriend on the couch, not saying a word broke your heart.

"Please, tell me you don't believe him babe," your eyes started to get watered, "I never met him before last night."

He finally looked at you, swallowing his spit and shaking his head, "Babe, its ok, I believe you." he answeres, "But t-that man," he points at your phone, "Hes fucking crazy. Sick in the head for thinking that. What the hell!?"

You walked up to your boyfriend, giving him a tight hug. "Don't worry babe, I'm going to fix this. I promise."

You left later that night and when you got home, you emptied your purse and thats when you noticed the album you brought with you to the fan meet.

Opening it up, your eyes almost bulged out of your head when seeing his sick note you left you.

You're the most prettiest girl I've ever met with the prettiest name. Please, I want to see you soon. Take care!

Below that had a phone number on it with the words next to it being "Contact me anytime."

You were stupid and dumb, but this needed to be fixed once and for all. Picking up your phone and putting in that number, you waited for the caller to pick up.

It went to voicemail.

You knew this was stupid and it wouldn't work, so you placed down your phone and screamed into your pillow. He's messing up the relationship between you and your man for no reason.

How could a lovely time turn into your worse? Were you actually curs-

*RING!*

Suddenly, your phone lights up with the number you put in and you almost chocked on your spit.

Slowly reaching out, you picked it up and answered, waiting for the person to speak.

"Who is th-this?" you ask, swallowing a nervous spit.

"You called me, shouldn't I be the one asking?"

The voice sounded familiar, but you didn't want to assume that it was him, however you were built on frustration and you let it all out.

"I know this is you, Jungkook. I found the number you left in my album. You are a sick bastard for what you're doing!" You yelled, "What the fuck gave you the idea that we are dating? Why the fuck are you saying this when I've never met you in my entire life.

"Do you not understand that you're ruining my relationship that I have with my boyfriend!?" You yelled into the phone, a tear slipping down.

The line stayed quiet and it pissed you off even more. Even if it wasn't Jungkook on the line, it had to be someone close to him since he wrote this number down by heart.

"Oh, its nice hearing from you finally!" his voice rung out, almost too happy, "How have you been, love?"

You felt the anger rushing in all over again as you laughed, "Are you fucking kidding me!? Did you not hear what I said??"

"I did, yes. But why should that concern me?" he asks, seemingly not caring about the situation he created.

"Did you not care to consider the fact that you're ruining my life? People around me are calling me a whore, they think I left my boyfriend because I met you! Do you not get it?!"

He chuckles a bit, "Don't listen to them, their words should mean nothing. Besides, what do you want me to do about it?"

You froze in place as you were left dumb founded. Is this man serious? "Are you fucking kidding me!? I want you to fix this! We aren't dating and I have a boyfriend, Elijah is his name. Not Jungkook."

Jungkook was quiet for a few seconds before speaking up, "You know, I don't think your boyfriend would be happy with how you were fliritng with me at the event."

You laughed at his stupidity, almost close to hanging up and calling the cops even. "Flirting with you? How was I flirting with you!?"

"The things you said about me being adorbale, funny and all of that. Don't play stupid, its not cute. What would your boyfriend do when he hears the things you said about me?"

"You cannot be serious." you say, angry and confused, "That wasn't fliritng, Jungkook! I was genuonely complimenting you since you were my bias! You need to get out of delusional land!"

"Love, you expect me to go back online and tell the world that what I said isn't true?" he asked.

"Well, fucking obviously!" you screamed.

"Yeah, I can't do that. Besides, what would the fans think of me when I tell them that all that I said was a lie?" he says.

"Well everything was a lie! You created this mess!"

He sighs, "Y/N," you forgot he knew your name, "I'm not taking back my words. I genuinely like you and want something."

You pulled your hair in disbelief, "Jungkook, did you not hear me say that I have a boyfriend 50 times!? There is no us and will never be an us."

He was quiet and all you could hear was tapping. "If you're not going to say anything, I will."

"Love, do you know the power I have?" He asks, "I am a rich man, me and my members bring in 5 BILLION dollars every year. That being said, I have the power to do anything and that anything involves you. Army listens to what I say and eat it up, if I go online with tears in my eyes talking about how hear broken I am.... you can kiss your life and privacy goodbye."

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. "J-Jungkook, are you threatening me?" you asked, so shocked that you swear your heart stopped pounding.

"No, I would never. I'm just letting you know the consequences of what might happen." he says in a soft, degrading tone, "Listen, why don't we meet up and talk about this? Yeah? I'll send you an address first thing tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"No! I'm not going to meet you, are you crazy!?" you yell, gripping your phone tighter in your hands.

"I wonder how army will feel when they hear you say how 'fucking stupid' I am, and how delusional I am for simply being in love." he sighs, "I would hate for your reputation to plummet."

The feeling of your heart sinking is the worse feeling in the entire world. You were helpless and you didn't know what to do, this was completely out of your hands, he was in charge.

"W-why are you doing this to me?" you whisper, tears falling down, "what did I do?"

"Don't cry, my love." he whispers in a soothing tone, "Seeing you for the first time has made me helpless. I knew I needed you in my life. You are the most beautiful human I've ever laid eyes on. Lets talk more about this tomorrow, ok love?"

You didn't feel like talking more, so you stuttered out a yes before hanging up. This man is insane and you knew that if you made the smallest mistake, he has the power to ruin you and your family. What did you do to deserve this?

*PART 2 COMING UP SOON!*

[ghulah]

Papa Emeritus, Terzo and the weight of the Mitre.

Due to popular demand, here is my Terzo analysis. It has been significantly cut down(if you do want the uncut analysis, here) because most of it was bullet points and unhinged notes I made. To be completely transparent, this was inspired by @cityofmeliora's own Terzo analysis post as well as several other analyses which I will be linking (also some headcanon stuff the wifecule had cooked up together lol).

These are all the posts (1 2 3 4 5 ) I used as resources and this compilation of Ghost interviews, as well as the Metal Myths part 2, because that's sort of required viewing at this point, isn't it?

I'll be splitting this analysis up into sections, first are brief descriptions and explanations of my understanding of the different aspects of Terzo - as Papa, as a Cardinal and as himself.

As for my sources, I won't be inserting the direct quotes here(because this post would be the longest ever) and they are all available in the aforementioned links.

Anyway, onwards, Ghesties!

First of all, What is Papa?

This is in reference to Papa, the entity, the image - not the person. Papa is a character, he's a mask, he's a façade. He is an image and an idea and the face of the Clergy. He is everything and he is above all yet he is not. According to mister Ghost-man himself, he is a stereotype, he is someone you know from somewhere and often than not he's old, charismatic, maybe a little bit bitter. He is sort of nebulous, he is a concept.

All whom take up the mantle, the Mitre, live up to this to a certain degree, it's part of the job! It also might be part of the bloodline, but y'know.

In that case, who is Papa Emeritus III?

The character of Papa III, the performer, the leader, the one to show us the way. Papa III is the face of the Ministry, he is a showman, a diva who is perfect for the role of the Satanic Pope who is not only theatrical, but also charismatic and fun and ambitious! He is artistic and outspoken. He knows what he's doing, he loves having a good time - drinks, partying, sex! He encourages it, as long as everyone is safe. He wants to bring about a new age, something to thrive. He will lead us all to damnation!

Papa III cares for his people, he makes sure they are safe and sound even in the midst of the chaos of the Rituals. He is, after all, the messenger that leads the audience through the hero's journey - a guide.

Cardinal Terzo

Let me be clear, this is all derived from Bishop Necropolitus Cracoviensis (who is representative of the album artist Zbigniew Biela) testimonial on Terzo when they were buddies back in Poland.

Cardinal Terzo was a slutty slutty, party man with a revolution in mind. He actually had a lot of visions and ideas to keep the Ministry going and modernizing it. He seemed super, well, locked in. He also likes Futurism, which aligns with his Art Deco and German Expressionism in his box of early 20th century art movements. He saw a future and he wanted to bring it to life, he held the same sins as his brother, Vice, Lust, Greed - but he had Ambition (credit to user cityofmeliora for this epiphany). That's what set it all off. Cardinal Terzo had that joie de vivre.

But who is Terzo?

Terzo Emeritus is a man of many pleasures - it's just those pleasures don't often involve people. He likes early 20th century fashion, he likes early 20th century art movements, he likes theater, he participates in it. He does have a pleasant personality, perfectly charming and joyful and teasing - but, he's not 'on' all the time. Or rather, he might not genuinely feel that way unless something or someone actually interests him. He might not be as slutty as everyone thinks he is. He moves like a fucking cryptid when he isn't performing, which is even funnier considering how open he seems to act. He wanted to do so much as Papa, he cared a lot. He had so many ideas, he wanted to take care of his flock and wanted to spread his ideas and cement the Ministry as a real power by opposing all those mindsets that keep holding society back. He was a revolutionary taken out too soon for another agenda at play, which is his true tragedy.

If anything, his charming Papa persona is what draws people in - but it's untouchable, because it's an idea, a face he puts on. Terzo is most likely the mellow, a toned down version of that face. Secondo influenced him, not enough for him to be exactly like him, though, so.

On a very real level - he's sort of like that 'when your circle small but y'all are crazy' meme. He has only a few people who are truly close to him and know what he wants and who he is while everyone else is on the outside looking in. He seems to keep people at bay, even the ones he approaches first. It's the people who either stick around and play along long enough to catch all his little ticks or the ones who saw through it all in the first place who get close to him.

That self hatred and hatred of everyone came a little later, when everything started to not fit into place anymore. He had restrictions on him, he couldn't bring his vision to life - he began to resent that idea. He knew that he was expendable, it was inevitable that he would be gone soon. He was still Papa, he cared, he wanted better for the Ministry. But it was, to a point, all for nothing if he was going to be stifled.

Ambition and hubris being his downfall is just a repetition of every Greek Tragedy we've been told. And much like the Bringer of Light, Terzo was brought down to Hell. Thanks Sister Imperator.

Sorry if some of this sounds a bit silly, it is quite self indulgent and made when I was sleep deprived. But also, I love character analysis and I love Ghost so!

Bonus tidbit: All that talk of separate travel made me think that Terzo might like sightseeing as a fun headcanon. So in my mind he might have a film camera stashed somewhere to take with him. It fits with the idea that he is quite a recluse and takes time to himself, he doesn't need to socialize to go out and see things and take pictures. Of course this is also extrapolated from his nerdy film and art interests. (this part was inspired by a convo with @3hroo)

[morganbritton132]

Eddie goes live two days before he is supposed to leave for his Vegas shows, mainly to remind his fans that they added another night so tickets were available but also to talk about his favorite subject, Steve. He’s all smiles and giddy, sitting in his car.

He looks into the camera and says, “Do you hear that? I don’t know if the speakers are picking up the frankly ear-shattering volume of Tears for Fears emitting from my house right now, but I can hear it in the driveway. I fucking hate this band and Stevie knows it.”

“We are two days out from Vegas and he’s stepped up his passive-aggressive bullshit, so you know what?” Eddie grins. “I’m going to romance him so hard that he can’t keep up the act. So, come along. We’re planning a date.”

Eddie goes to four places – a flower shop, a fancy chocolate store, the grocery store, and Steve’s favorite restaurant for take-out. He gets a big bouquet of flowers. He gets a ridiculous amount of chocolate. He gets the cheesiest romcom he can find on Blu-Ray, a bottle of cheap wine they got when they moved into their first apartment together, and ice cream.

“I know, I know,” He says to camera as he’s walking through the store. “I can see the comments now – Eddie Munson’s idea of romance is the same as your broke ex-boyfriend, or whatever. Steve and I have been together since the eighties, we’ve done all the big grand gestures, and what you learn is that being together is the only thing that matters.”

Eddie drives home and walks into the kitchen where Steve is baking – something he only ever does for school functions and when he’s really pissed off – and he turns off the Tears for Fears album. Steve looks up at Eddie with his chocolate and flowers and says in a voice that is full of barely-concealed anger, “Are those for your best friend, Diane?”

There’s a pause and then Eddie says in a voice that completely drops the Eddie Munson larger-than-life persona that he adopts for online into something instantly annoyed when he says, “Are you fucking kidding me?“

“I don’t know, Ed. Why don’t you text Diane and ask her since you want her to know all of our fucking business.”

You can only see the pattern on Eddie’s reusable grocery bag when he drops everything on the counter, but you can hear how tense it is in the room when Eddie laughs, “You are so fucking unbelievable sometimes. You’re pissed at me because I asked our neighbor for her number that you wouldn’t give to me. I’m taking precautions because I’m leaving town, Steve.”

“Why’d we get a fucking dog then, Eddie?” Steve asked, snapped at him. “I didn’t want a dog but we got one to reassure you. To put your mind at ease and – and it doesn’t fucking matter? You’re still going to go behind my back and talk about my shit to – to fucking Diane like I’m not even a part of the conversation? If Ozzy’s not enough why do we have him? Why not hire a fucking nurse if you think I’m so incapable-“

“I don’t think-“

“You’re treating me like a baby that you need to find a babysitter for.”

“You cracked your skull open and laid on the ground for days the last time I went out of town! You were non-responsive. I thought you were dead. I trust Ozzy. I think he’s enough but what if he’s not? I’m sorry that our neighbors hate you and I had to ask the one you don’t like, but I’m not apologizing for worrying.”

Steve starts to respond but that seems to be the moment that Eddie realizes that he’s still live streaming because it cuts abruptly. He does not post anything for the rest of the day.

When he does post again, it’s a short slideshow of him and Steve having the date night he’d planned and a short little apology for ‘Mom and Dad’ fighting. The video is captioned ‘All good.’

<- Last Post | Next Post ->

[auras-moonstone]

hello there! this is my first time requesting anything so i’m sorry if it comes out too long or i don’t really request it properly hwhshwhsjssh, i just stumbled across your blog and saw you’re a swiftie AND a jack stan too!!! (i already love u for this!!). could we get jack/ethan with a swiftie girlfriend? maybe he got her tickets to see taylor (and if it’s jack, maybe he knows taylor and got into the little celebrity area at the eras tour?) and he tells her he loves her for the first time during “daylight”, because ever since they got together he learnt love is golden 🥺<3 if you’re not up for it, it’s totally cool!! your work is so good :)

hi!! the way i SCREAMED in excitement when i saw this request omg! thank you so much! writing this was honestly heartwarming. i always include some taylor references on my writings because she’s the one that inspires me to write. so, i’m actually really proud and happy of what i did with this little one shot🥺 hope you enjoy it!

it’s golden, like daylight — jack champion

words: 1,307

pairing: jack champion x fem!reader

summary: taylor invites jack and y/n to her show, and during one of the surprise songs, jack gets the courage to tell her the three words.

THE FIRST THING JACK THINKS WHEN HE HEARS THE NAME TAYLOR SWIFT IS Y/N. When they met, one of the first thing he noticed about her was that she was a huge swiftie. He took interest in her interests, so now his timeline and his search page was filled with things about the american singer. He even added tons of her songs to his playlist. And if you were to ask him what his favorite album was, he would say Lover. But maybe that’s because—as his girlfriend said—he was in his “Lover Era”.

When Taylor announced she was going on tour, he knew he would do anything to make his girlfriend’s dream come true. Maybe the stars had aligned, maybe it was a coincidence or maybe it was faith, but Taylor Swift knew him, and she also knew that Y/N was a big fan and Jack almost fainted when he saw his Instagram notification. He had kept it from Y/N for a couple of weeks, and it was finally time to reveal it.

Y/N was sitting on the couch, laptop on her lap and you could see the stress and anguish painted on her face. It was clearly someone who was having an awful time on queue.

Jack walked towards her with a smile, and closed her laptop. She started at the device with an expression of shock before setting her eyes on him—if looks could kill, Jack would’ve died on the spot.

“Jack! What the fuck!” she said in a loud angry tone. “You better pray to all the gods that I didn’t lose my queue number, cause I’m going to strangle you” she gritted her teeth as she opened her laptop again.

“You don’t need the queue” Jack simply said, taking her laptop away.

“Jack, please, it’s not the time for your cuddling needs” Y/N said frustrated.

“It’s not that” he laugh, as he took his phone and opened his DMs. He handed the phone to her. “Read it”.

Y/N’s curious eyes took notice of the user on top—Taylor Nation. Her heart skipped a bit, and read the message.

Hey, Jack!

Hope you’re doing well!

Taylor Swift knows your girlfriend, Y/N, is a big fan and she would like to invite you both to her show on Minneapolis, night two!

Please, answer us if you’re available and gives us the address so we can send you the tickets.

The girl stared at the phone in pure shock, not even noticing the tears leaking from her eyes or her shaking hands. She re-read the message hundreds of times, but still felt surreal. Taylor fucking Swift invited HER to her show. Taylor Swift knew who SHE was. Y/N never imagined something like this would ever happen, not even in her wildest dreams.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I wanted it to be a surprise. Also, sorry for making you angry and scaring you with the laptop thing” Jack spoke up.

Y/N grabbed his hand and pull him in, his body landing on top of hers. She hugged his boyfriend tightly. “Is this really happening?” she asked with a broken voice.

“Yes, babe. We are seeing Taylor in a couple of months!”

Y/N sobbed as she hid her face on her boyfriend’s neck. Her wishes became true—she was seeing her favourite artist with her favourite person.

JACK DIDN’T KNOW THAT THE TOUR WOULD BE SUCH AN EXPERIENCE. The concert was still months away, but the excitement was present every single day. Y/N even had a folder on her pinterest called “the eras tour”; in where she had outfits ideas and inspo for friendship bracelets. She also had a list on her phone notes with the surprise songs she would love to get.

“So, what costume are we getting?” Jack asked her while they made friendship bracelets.

“You are getting one too?” Y/N asked surprised.

Jack smiled “Of course! I was thinking of doing couple costumes”

“Yes! Let’s go on pinterest” she said with eagerness.

They spent a couple of minutes searching for a costume they both liked, until they found the perfect one.

“I’m so happy, you don’t even know” she beamed, head on his lap.

“I love seeing you like this. It makes me happy too” Jack grinned, tracing her cheekbones with his fingers.

Y/N lifted her head to kiss him softly “Thanks for putting up with my annoying fan girl ass”.

“Shut up” he laughed against her lips “You say it as if it was something bad. And it isn’t. Like I said, seeing you like this makes me happy too. Besides, I’m actually enjoying this whole ‘the eras’ experience”.

“Well then, I’m glad. What song would you love to hear live?” she wondered.

Jack knew the answer instantly. “Daylight”.

“Jack, oh my god, you have great taste. Why did you choose it?”

“I just like the lyrics” he shrugged.

Lies. Well, of course he liked the lyrics—but more importantly, he understood and felt them. Jack didn’t really know how Taylor came up with the concept that love was golden, but it just made sense to him. Maybe it’s because he had Y/N in his life that he could see why the color fitted just right.

His girlfriend was a literal ray of sunshine, there was no chance of feeling blue whenever she was around. How could he not fall for her? How could he not love her when everything was brighter and shiner—like daylight—ever since she barged into his life with her dazzling smile and heart of gold? She was golden and so was their love.

Love… that was a word they hadn’t say to each other yet. They had been together for almost six months, and he had known he loved her two months ago. But she was his first girlfriend, and he was scared he was going too fast for her liking, so he decided to wait.

Ironic enough, the same thoughts were on Y/N’s mind constantly. Falling in love with him had been as easy as knowing all of the words to her old favourite songs, pun intended. He was sweet, funny, caring, the representation of a golden retriever.

Both had the other completely bewitched, and they didn’t even notice.

THE DAY HAD FINALLY ARRIVED AND Y/N ENTERED THE VENUE WITH SHAKY LEGS. A security guard guided them towards Taylor’s guests area and on their way, a couple of fans waved at them excitingly.

Once they were settled there, the fans started to come their way to say hi and exchange bracelets with them, also receiving a lot of praise for their outfits. They chose the costumes Brandon Urie and Taylor used for the ME! music video. Jack had a dark pink checkered suit and Y/N the glittery pink dress with the big red heart on the middle.

The countdown began and Y/N and Jack screamed her lungs out singing the intro of Miss Americana and Cruel Summer’s bridge. They got all lovey during Lover and Enchanted and danced their heart out to the rest of the set list that was filled with Taylor’s most iconic songs.

Before they knew it, surprise song time came, and Jack’s mouth fell open when he heard the words.

My love was as cruel as the cities I’ve lived in…

“Jack, what the fuck! You literally manifested it!” Y/N laughed. Jack laughed, wrapping his arms around her waist, her back pressed against his front and Jack’s chin rested on the top of her head.

I once believed love would be black and white… but it’s golden, like daylight.

If that wasn’t a sign, then Jack didn’t know what else it could be. But he was going to tell her, he felt a little more brave…fearless.

“I love you, Y/N” he whispered on her ear, as Taylor continued to sing the song that, in that moment, became theirs.

Y/N turned her head to the side, their lips brushing. The corners of her mouth lifted and she looked at him with eyes filled with love and adoration. “I love you too, Jack”.

liked by taylorswift, taylornation, jackchampion, and 16,987 others.

y/n.y/l/n i once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden like daylight 💓 i love you forever and ever jackchampion

jackchampion that’s our song, love. i love you to the moon and to saturn 💕

jennaortega best couple ever

masonthegooding you two are disgustingly cute

baileybass omg you finally said the l-word!!!

y/n.y/l/n baileybass yes!! he said it during daylight😫💕

jackslover SO THATS WHY JACK SAID “THAT’S OUR SONG” OH GOD THIS IS CUTE

jamieflatters and they say romance is dead

misstrinitybliss i love you both 🥺🫶🏻

taylornation that’s a real fucking legacy

[theygotlost]

come play venture bros postcanon tuoys with me? :)

hank isnt interested in higher education or a full time career and he literally wrote down his dream job as "drifter". I see him taking up a lot of odd jobs and sporadic minimum wage stuff but really i believe he was meant for the stage. shallow gravy never makes it big time but they get like the weirdest most random gigs ever and eventually they release a full album and everyone fucking hates it and hank gets called a nepo baby. which is true. but going beyond the music hank is always dressing up and playing characters and ofc there was the time he called himself destiny and refused to take off the strength suit you see where im going with this YEP Destiny is his drag name. and im imagining destiny playing shallow gravy gigs so she'd have a kinda gothy alternative amy lee aesthetic going on and she would slay.

in case you havent noticed I hateee that dermott joined OSI it just feels forced and his buzzcut is ugly. dont worry though I can fix this. the thing about dermott is that he talks a big game but in reality is a pathetic loser. it's like that episode of malcolm in the middle where reese joins the army but crumbles as soon as he's faced with combat training. dermott either drops out or gets kicked out for doing something stupid but either way they probably have to wipe his memory and its like it never happened. outside of shallow gravy i see him doing random blue collar stuff and like... riding dirtbikes and shit. also he was probably lying about having a pilots license but idk maybe he does have one. i think he should have one

dean says he doesnt know what he wants to do with his future so his major at stuyvesant is probably still undeclared rn... but remember that for a while his dream job was "boy reporter" and he even printed that adorable little home newspaper so that points to a career in journalism. in the second half of the show dean's vibe is "im probably transgender but there are supervillains trying to kill me so i don't have time to worry about that right now" and being able to have a (relatively) normal college experience away from home around people her own age would be the final push she needs to start transitioning. also i have this vivid image in my mind of dawn becoming a photographer and i have no idea where it came from but that would fit well with the reporter stuff and she could be a photojournalist! but I also see her being interested in fashion photography and doing all of destiny's glamour shots and stuff so that's her hobby that does outside of work .and she NEEEDS to be an obnoxious twee amateur photographer living in NYC she deserves it she's earned it !!!!!

triana's probably an accomplished sorceress by now!! goddd i miss triana i just want her back. idk if she would move to new york permanently but she would come visit her dad and get to hang out with dawn again. and she's realized shes a lebian and they get back together PLEASEE? :3 im not really sure what she would do with her sorcery powers but I guess she could be a low level superhero? she wouldn't be interested in anything crazy like saving the world but she would have fun busting up low level bank robbers and classic stuff like that and she and jared could hang out. or perhaps she's available for hire and will do magic stuff for whoever

[ficjoelispunk]

Ch 09 - INFORMATION

You can find all the available chapters here

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You wake up in the morning, feeling Javier's hands pull your body closer to his, feeling his warm chest warm your bare back, while his lips dance over the skin of your back. You press yourself against him already hard, sliding over your already wet middle, with parts of him in you from last night.

Javier loves the idea of having parts of him in you. You're his.

"Good morning" Javi whisper in your ear.

"Hmmm, what time is it?" You still ask with your eyes closed, hoarse.

"Early" his voice in the morning could become your favorite sound.

You bite your lips. Javier slides inside you easily. He moans. Passing your hand over your abdomen, your hand meets his, you intertwine your fingers.

"I can get used to it"

"You'd better get used to it"

Javier fucks you slowly, different this time. It's calm, attentive, intense. You feel him fill you and linger inside you as if he belonged to you. As if he needed to be inside you, not wanting to separate from you.

You go back to the base together. And you follow different paths.

You go to your room, change your clothes, get better. And then you goes back to your desk, where you finds an accumulation of service.

Spend the morning distracted trying to put everything in order, while some people, co-workers, pass by to greet you and ask how you are.

Javier is not at his table. You focus on your work. You didn't talk about what you have, how you look, or what that meant. You assumed it would be a very big step for Agent Peña.

And you weren't too worried. You had a lot of reports to do. You needed to know about the matter. It was all a mess.

***

After leaving you in the hallway of the dorms, with a kiss on your temple. Javier begins to rethink whether this proximity to you is something he should really keep. He didn't want something serious. But it seems that he felt the duty to be with you after you were rescued. Something like, him being responsible and wanting to reward you for what you went through.

But there was also something he didn't identify, and tried to repress. Something he didn't want to name. He liked you. He always wanted you. But he didn't want you in the middle of this mess that was his life. You would be at risk. You were already at risk. He had a lot of things to think about instead of focusing on your safety.

Javier secretly left the base, without warning Murphy or anyone, going to the cafeteria where he met Don Berna that day he found out he was with you.

He needed to get things right. And he would know that being there, at one time or another he would show up. And he wasn't wrong. Even before Javier finish the first cigarette. Don Berna showed up.

"You found your girl"

Javier was leaning against the counter, he didn't turn to see him.

"No thanks to your help"

"Is she okay?"

Javier laughed sarcastically.

"What do you want? What do you mean by that?" Javier stared at him.

"I want to help you"

"Is it really?" He pretended to surprise "kidnapped the ambassador's assistant?"

"Is that all she is to you?"

Javier didn't answer.

"Come with me, I'll show you"

Javier reflected. You should again trust a man who had deceived him, in parts. But he had nothing to lose. So, it was.

They followed a noble side of Medellin, a large and chic house, a mansion. Full, full of heavily armed men. There were about 20 or more men.

"Feel at home"

Don Berna indicated a staircase to an underground floor.

Javier didn't believe what he saw when he saw it.

There were only the Castaño brothers.

Javier couldn't keep his mouth shut. He was shocked. Seeing in front of him criminals he was chasing.

Judy Moncada showed up.

"Agent Peña, welcome to Montecassino"

Javier accompanied Mrs. Moncada on a table, where there were many photos scattered.

"Some of your acquaintances?"

"It looks like you opened a family album"

"Let me tell you something. Before this son of a bitch" she indicated Pablo in one of the photos "kill my husband, we were all friends, what do you think of that?"

"I think you made new friends" Javier tilted his chin out indicating the Castaño brothers

"Let's say we have a common goal, which is the same as your Agent Peña"

"Really?" Javier was ironic.

"Yes"

He smiles sarcastically.

"You must be kidding me" he turns walking towards the stairs.

Don Berna comes in front him.

“Just listen to what she has to say," he stops Javier.

"Or we can get your girlfriend to encourage your to listen" Judy exceeded a limit.

Javier's nerves pull in his face.

So that's why they kept you. They wanted to use you to blackmail him.

He turned around pointing his finger at Mrs. Moncada.

"If you pull over..."

"Cálmate" Judy smiled interrupting.

Carlos Castaño got up from the chair where he was sitting, and walked calmly towards Javier as he spoke.

“I met your girlfriend, I learned that she has a hard temper, it caused damage to the face of the heir of the Cali Cartel...”

Javier just tried to absorb the information. So it means that the three men you didn’t know how to identify were part of the Cali cartel, and one of them was either the son of Gilberto, or Miguel.

Carlos Castaño again caught Javier’s attention, after realizing that Javier had been lost in his thoughts.

"You want to catch Escobar as much as we do, but we're not going to lie, you couldn't even get close to him" the man rises walking towards Javier "your girlfriend got closer to him than you" mocked. "And the only asset you had for this was Carrillo who is dead," challenged Carlos Castaño.

"So… you're taking the time to set the villages on fire?"

"We compensate for the absence of the government," Castaño explained.

"We will kill everyone who is next to Escobar until he is alone. There's only one small problem," Judy said.

Javier arches his eyebrows pretending to be surprised.

"Just one?" Javier is ironic.

"To catch it we need the satellite technology that you have, and that your girl authorizes"

He smiles sarcastically.

"And do you think she would give that to you?"

"You can convince her" Judy looks down at Javier's body.

For the first time he feels the same as maybe one day you felt when he provoked you. Javier's jaw was locked.

"Leave her out of it, she has nothing to do with it"

"She has everything to do with it. We have already worked together, Agent Peña. Have you never stopped to think about what your girlfriend would look like when she knew you were involved with the same people who took her for a walk?"

Javier's breathing became irregular.

"All the information he gave you" she pointed to Don Berna "came from me"

Javier looked over his shoulders.

"Let's just make a small adjustment. If you don't tell me, I won't tell you either"

Javier took a step towards Judy, facing her, reaching for the whiskey glass behind her. As a provocation. He danced him eyes for her, so close to her.

"Gacias por la bebida" Javier said.

And he left, going up the stairs.

Don Berna came out behind.

"That's very stupid," Javier said while pulling a drink of his cigarette, already in the courtyard where the cars were parked.

"The Castaño brothers serve us for a purpose"

"I was talking about you"

"Javier, I'm a drug trafficker. And I work with loyalty, just like you. Not Pablo. If I were you, I'd be smart. If your girl is back. When Pablo picks her up, she won't come back. Wouldn't it be better if he was dead once and for all?"

Don Berna was correct, and Javier knew. If you had been taken by Pablo, Javier would never see you again.

“Why was she with the Cali cartel?”

“She wasn’t, sorry about that, but that’s not the case, it’s business Javier, just business”

Javier stared at Don Berna as he left to pick up the car to take Javier away.

Judy opened the door behind him.

"¿No me ofreces un cigarrillo?"

Javier stood still for a moment. Serving indifference. But he reached the pack, and lit the woman's cigarette.

"Well, we want you to understand Agent Peña, the potential of the proposal we are making to you. Because with all the information in the world you need to act like a policeman, right? Especially now that your girlfriend can find out about your involvement with the Cartel. I know what it's like when Pablo kills someone close to you. I wouldn't want you to feel that way too, once again..."

Peña faces Judy. It was the end for him. These people wouldn't think twice if they had to deliver your head on a tray. Peña has never felt so cornered.

Judy held a paper for Javier.

"¿Qué es eso?" He asked.

"Very valuable information for you, get it"

He takes the paper.

An address that indicates the place where the girl Gabriela made Javier listen to, and provided Pablo's address, on the day you were rescued and the ambush happened.

"The girl who cheated on you and caused Carrillo's death"

Javier got in the car back to the city.

Not knowing what to think. Not knowing what to do with the information he obtained. Not knowing what to do to protect you. Not knowing if he should once and for all tell you everything that happened. Not knowing if he could share this kind of thing with you. Not knowing if it was safe.

***

After basically a week focused on organizing as much work as you could.

Your mind was reassuring, you don't leave the base for absolutely nothing. Your co-workers always offered to buy some things when they left, and you took advantage of the help. You was too afraid to leave where you clung to being a safe place.

The focus on work was so great that you met Javier only during work. And he didn't say anything to you other than what was necessary and about the work. Sometimes you thought it was because he were really very busy, but sometimes you felt like a burden where he felt obliged to perhaps have shown a responsibility for you, which now he no longer wanted to support. Because it was hard to believe that he would simply pretend that nothing happened, between you and him, or just with you.

It was hard to believe he was that cold. Or that he really didn’t feel anything.

So you didn't go after Javier. You didn't want him to think you were in need. That after what happened you would need care. You didn't want to look weak. So you swallowed everything inside you. The fears. The memories. And it sank into the deepest hole inside you. And you pretended. You pretended everything was fine.

Anyway, Pablo was still on the loose. Protected by the army of sicarians. In a city that refused to deliver it. He was free. And the trafficking continued. Life went on.

Nothing new under the sun.

With some free time, you began to analyze the records of the ambush in which you were fatally present, reading the paperwork, analyzing requirements, trying to build a timeline. And it became increasingly clear that it had been a coup.

But unlike Pablo, life wasn't going on for you. Something didn't fit for you. Why did they kidnap you? You weren't an important one. It didn't make sense.

You analyzed Centra Spike's information collections, cataloged and sent the possible approvals to Bogotá. But you still had a flea behind your ear.

"Steve" you ran after the tall, blond white man for the first time down the hallway.

"Hey" he didn't stop to answer you "everything okay?"

You sighed, pressing the step to be able to accompany him.

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you." You ran after him.

He smiled but didn't say anything to you.

"Actually, there are some reports missing that you should have given me for me to evaluate," you smiled amicably.

"Really?" He didn't look at you.

"Really." You answered half-closing your eyes.

He looked at you quickly.

"Must be with Javi"

Javier to people who were avoiding you, and you who were just trying not to look like a neurotic in the head. You didn't want to talk to him.

"Right, could you please..."

"Here, why you don't talk directly to him"

Wonderful.

You bumped into Javier, walking too fast to catch up with Steve, and stop in time not to run over Javier.

He holds your body, inside his firm arms. And he closes a straight line with his lips, looking at Steve with disapproval, moving away from you in the hallway.

"All yours" you hear Steve speak with his voice far away.

"Sorry" you straighten up, adjusting your skirt.

There was no denying that you were really nervous about this meeting. Nervous, embarrassed, uncomfortable. It seemed like Javier was making a great effort being there in front of him.

Javi pulls you to the side of the corridor, leaning one arm on the wall, and the other on the waist, nodding to you, as he ran his eyes to people, without looking at you.

It didn't look like the same Javier who said goodbye to you that morning with a kiss. The change of treatment was very confusing.

"I need the reports that are with you”

He looks at you.

"What reports?"

"I think some reports on Carrillo's latest operations and my search are missing"

Javier turns your shoulder to the corridor slowly pushing you for you to walk.

You look at him over your shoulders, frowning, confused.

He takes his hand down to your back.

"They are not missing"

"What do you mean?"

"The case is closed, we file"

You couldn't contain a surprised laugh.

"The case is not closed"

Javi looks at you.

And you stop.

He closes his eyes. And it turns to you.

"I need to analyze them. And send it to Bogotá"

"They're already there"

"But I..."

"Don't worry about it" he looks over your head "I need to go" and leaves, going the opposite way from yours.

"Agent Peña" you raise a tone.

And he ignores it.

You sigh and hit your foot on the ground.

That wasn't right. Not even here. Not even in Bogotá.

Shit.

***

Peña didn't know how much longer he would have avoided this from you. He knew what you were like. And you were getting close. You would discover the information hole.

The pile of files on Carillo's desk only increased. He was accumulating information in his hand, without being able to use it.

So he was going to act.

He used Judy's information. And it was even the girl who cheated on him.

"I didn't know. I didn't know. They lied to me. Please."

"It's breaking my fucking heart, baby" he said while handcuffing the girl.

"No. No. They're going to kill me. No"

"Quiet!" He screams.

Dragging the girl out of the apartment taken by an anger he can't control. He thought that finding her would have a relief for getting revenge. But no.

The girl argued.

"What are we going to do with her?" Trujillo questioned.

Javier thought. And with her help, he was able to locate Limón. Which took him to one of Pablo's distribution points. Who took him to Velasco.

Peña called the base.

Your extension rang.

"It's me" the voice that wouldn't need to be announced "I need you to authorize a request"

"What request?"

"I need reinforcements"

Your heart stopped.

"Where are you? Are you hurt? What's going on?"

"I'm with Trujillo on 38th street with 24"

"What's going on? Are you in confrontation?"

"No. Listen to me."

"I'm listening to you"

"I need support"

"For what reason if you're not in confrontation?"

"A trusted person from Escobar has just entered a building"

"Peña..."

You hear him sigh.

"Come back. Let me know the location. I'm going to make the request for Bogotá"

"I'm here now"

You shake your head.

"Sorry, I can't authorize sending the patrols"

"Of course"

He hung up.

Peña and Trujillo stood guard watching. That's when he saw Velasco and Limón outside.

"Fuck, it's Velasco!"

"What are we going to do, Peña? How many men do you think are in there?"

"I don't know, I think too many for both of us"

"We would be screwed"

Peña is silent.

"Son of a bitch, we should go back and ask for reinforcements"

Javier dials the number he spent days looking at. Fuck. He wouldn't miss this opportunity. You were already safe. He would use the cards he had.

"Who are you calling?" Trujillo asks.

The brothers Castaño and Don Berna, along with a small team from the paramilitary army, invaded the address, and managed to capture Velasco.

But none of this went to the records.

"Is this how we're going to act now, Peña?"

"Don't worry. It won't happen anymore" what was another lie in the midst of many?!

"I'm not worried"

But Trujillo was. Javier knew he could trust him. Anyway, he wasn’t sure what had happened there.

Velasco's capture did not go to DEA, it went to Montecassino. The information that Velasco presented was from Pablo's accountants, which they would have access to.

Don Berna didn't give any such information to Javier.

At Javier's next meeting with Don Berna, he made it clear.

"There are the rules of the game, we will only kill armed people, the sicarians. I will not give you any information about the shipments or laboratories. It's not about helping Judy, it's about killing Pablo. And you’re not going to involve the Assistant in this, do you understand?"

Peña knew that the information he gave to Don Berna was already bearing fruit. The Castaño brothers were efficient. But they weren't discreet. Javier didn't care about that.

After all, who would pay attention to some sicaários being killed in the homicide capital of the world?

You.

You would be good.

***

Javier ignored you for days. Always showing too busy. And honestly you weren't willing to beg for affection. That actually only distanced you. It sank you even deeper into the emptiness that what happened to you had thrown you.

Did you sleep at night? No. Was there a growing fear that at any moment someone would enter your dorm and drag you out? Yes. Did you wake up sweaty scared always tormented by nightmares? Yes. Could you eat quietly? No. You danced the cutlery in the middle of the food, always remembering the exotic dishes that were distributed to you. Sometimes in the bath, you rubbed yourself so much that your skin was hurt with the force you played in a failed attempt to clean something from you that you didn't even know exactly what it was.

All you needed was a care. A comfort. Something that could bring you back to normal life. Something that would make you forget that you went through what you went through. And you only found that at work. It was something automatic. It was as if an emptiness was swallowing you little by little.

You were alone. She felt alone even when she was surrounded by people.

***

You were aware that the new colonel who would take Carrillo's place was Martinez.

You participated in some meetings. And he knew what would be the attempts that Martinez would make to give a new direction in operations. He would not trust any information received after what happened to Carrillo. And you were aware that this would make the work of Agents Murphy and Peña even more difficult.

You were hardly wrong. You witnessed an episode of barbs exchanged by Murphy and Peña, as soon as Colonel Martinez reported that the search group would act by quadrant.

"This is outdated"

"We acted the other way around and you saw what happened"

Peña closed his jaw.

"Do you think he might be able to catch Pablo?"

You listened to both of them talking from their tables.

"I don't know, maybe he won't surprise us"

"Okay. Searches by quadrant then"

Javier marched hard.

And you went after it.

You followed some news of murders that took place in the mouths of the cartels. But what drew attention was one in particular.

The address was the same that Peña gave you on the phone that day he called asking for reinforcements.

Coincidence?

You didn't believe that. So it went deeper. You Followed all the news. And just out of curiosity, you decided to check the records you had about possible points that were centers of the cartels.

And oddly enough. All the points were attacked.

You grabbed the lapel of Javier's jacket as soon as he passed through the hallway.

"Wow! Is this all longing?"

"Shut up. Come with me."

"Yes, ma'am"

There was no way Javier could deny that you were out of your mind these last few days. He knew you were suffering. You were traumatized. But he couldn't be close to you. What if something happened to you again? He needed to untie the idea that you were eventually a weak point of his. Or that you would participate in anything that involved Montecassino.

He also didn't want to have the responsibility of being the reason if something happened to you. He couldn't have the luxury of being with you and losing you again. He's already had that. And he wouldn't go through that again. The distance was something safe. For you and for him.

But even so, Javier followed you to the file room, with other intentions. And apparently by your attitudes, Javier understood that you wanted something casual since you didn't talk to him at any other time, you didn't look for him. After all, if you had looked for him, after all these days, it should be for a reason. And as much as he wanted to keep you safe, away from him, you call him to the file room, it could only be for that reason.

As soon as you passed through the door, he pushed you on the wall, holding your arms above your head, sliding a hand down the side of your body, sliding his fingers on your breasts, while running his lips through your neck.

You felt uncomfortable. Flashbacks came to your mind. You froze.

"Agent Peña"

"Hermosa"

Your breathing got heavy. Your head couldn't stop thinking about the information you had collected. And now at that moment, Javier was causing you a certain repulsion.

"Peña"

He kissed your jaw, pressing his hand on your chest. Even though you were not comfortable at all, it was amazing how your body reacted involuntarily to it.

But your brain was about to explode with so much contradiction.

"Peña!"

"What?" He walked away from you, looking at you.

Seeing your expression. Your face with an uncomfortable expression. He slowly let go of your arms, and moved away from you.

You fixed your skirt and your shirt.

"What?"

You wouldn't waste time. Being in his presence was a little painful now. When he just ignored you for days, when you just needed a friend, or a distraction, or anything.

"Do you have anything to do with the attacks that are happening with the sicists?"

Javier stood motionless for a minute looking at you. Allowing yourself some time to understand who he was dealing with. Oh, yeah, you!

Your intelligent and detailed, observant and curious mind. He should know that nothing would be beaten by you, not if you wanted to. And he should be prepared for this moment, if he was not too busy, acting behind the back of the American Government, and behind your back.

"No."

"No?" You were sinic.

"No." Javier didn't sketch any emotion.

You walked from one side to the other, with one arm crossed in front of your body, and the other leaning on it, with your hands thoughtful on your face.

Javier put his hands on his waist while watching your theater.

"Curious... because the address you gave me asking for reinforcements was attacked on the same day"

Javier shrugged.

"That's why we must act fast, before another interested party finds the point, and it's a file"

He took a step up to you, hitting his hand on your back.

"Maybe now you will learn that when I ask for reinforcements I need at that moment"

He was going to leave the room.

You held the latch.

“I've not finished yet”

He snorted, throwing his head back.

"What do you want?"

"May you tell me the truth"

"Don't be so naive"

"All the points we had recorded in the inventory are being attacked one by one. In a very curious order of the list, being the same as the registration"

Javier arched his eyebrows and twisted his lips. Throwing his arms up, dropping next to his body.

"And?"

You smile sarcastically.

"Javi, listen to me" you stepped in his direction, and spoke carefully, with concern "I know you want Pablo's head, we all want it. But that's not how we're going to get it, if you're passing on information from within the..."

Javier grabs your arm. You get scared by the aggressive movement.

"Listen to me!" He sounds aggressive too, leaning over you "Why don't you take care of your service and let me take care of my? Huh? How about that?"

Your eyes analyze his face. You were frightened by the way he held your arm. The way he talked to you. Your body was shaking. He lets you go abruptly. You were stiff. Scared. Your irregular breathing.

Your arm goes up to the place where his fingers squeezed you.

Javier realized that he acted aggressively with you. He had a lot on his mind. He couldn't think straight for weeks.

"I know what you're doing, Agent Peña, and you'd better stop now, before these lunatics lose control and something worse happens. You know what Pablo does when we act impulsively and give him room for him to retaliation. And I really" you emphasized the last word and repeated it "really, I would hate for something to happen."

Javier looked at you from top to bottom.

"You don't know anything" he left the room, slamming the door as if he wanted to close it forever.

You closed your eyes. And you sighed. The silence echoed in the emptiness that existed inside you.

Javier needed air. Air. He would never be able to hide anything from you. And it was more than clear. The only way out of this he could think of. It was attacking you. He saw the fear in your eyes when he acted aggressively. This path he was choosing would possibly have no return. It was the fastest and easiest way he knew and was used to pushing someone away. Use your own fears against them. But listening to you being frank and patient with him even after he was purposely aggressive with you burned his heart.

And then what you predicted happened.

Velasco appeared hanged in a square in some neighborhood of Medellin, with a message tied to his body.

“Estás con los días contactos Pablo. Nadie estará a salvo de su lado. Ass. Los Pepes"

[terrainofheartfelt]

Gossip Girl Appreciation Week | Day 6: AU

The Grossly Indulgent Pop Music AU I will never write:

Inspired by one of the only Jonerys fics I like. 

Not quite a fic, but not not a fic, here’s an unhinged idea that grabbed hold and wouldn’t let me go. The music is a loose jumping off point of inspiration, in that all the characters have one or two artist equivalents. I use their music as the characters’ work in this universe. So it’s like an AU of pop musicians’ lives, but not really, since I don’t know their biographies, just their music. It’s fanfic, you know how it is.

Enclosed beneath the cut you shall find: dairfair, negatively painted jenny/damien & chair, some positive jenate, and a inkling at my newest ot3 vanessa/aaron/serena. And lots of opaque music references.

image sources: (x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)

Blair and Serena come up in a lab-grown pop girl group in their teens (sample track here), but break off for their own solo acts after a few years. They have a friend breakup after that. Diss tracks are written. (Inspo: Honey & Bad Blood) the final (supposedly) proverbial nail in the coffin of their friendship is when Blair marries record label exec Chuck Bass.

(Needless to say, Chuck is a piece of shit. Living off family money and power, using his title to back young women artists into a corner. Blair thinks she conquered the beast by putting a ring on it but, well, you know.) (While Jenny Humphrey is coming up she’s one of the artists Chuck harasses. She refuses to sign with his label and tells him to fuck off.)

The rumors as to why their girl group break up run wild, and they mutate with each tabloid run, growing more and more ridiculous, but, like many rumors, they did spring from a small seed of truth. 

Blair was ambitious, and always used the act as an opportunity to set herself up for a solo career. Serena was her best friend, but whereas Blair had to work hard at everything that came with this job, it was like Serena didn’t have to try at all. She was the darling of the interviews, of the fans. The favorite on the covers of magazines and music videos. Serena was getting solo offers since their debut, but turned them down, until she didn’t. 

Their group toured with a team of dancers, also all carefully selected by the label. Nate Archibald was one of the fan favorites, and the label quickly paired him and Blair together for publicity. Blair was always just a little more invested than Nate was. He wasn’t even sure if this career, this lifestyle was what he wanted, but Blair was more than sure, was constantly working to get ahead. But the label kept them together, until they figured they could pair Nate with Serena instead. (And Nate didn’t fight it, because he’d always carried a torch for Serena anyway).

It wasn’t the first fight between the friends, nor the last, but it was the big frisson that they couldn’t come back from. The group held on for another album, but it was clear that they couldn’t go on. Blair and Serena signed solo contracts, and Blair got close with Chuck Bass, and that was the final straw for Serena. 

Nate tried to stay friends with both of them through it, but he was also coming to the conclusion that he didn’t want to keep up this lifestyle. He quit performing to go to school, and he found his niche teaching dance to kids—not at a university level, not with the intention to make future professionals, but just to young people looking for something to love. It suits him, and he becomes a reality check for his two high profile best friends. Or he tries to be, but their lives keep pulling them away from New York, so he sees them less and less.

(The other two members of the group move on to other adjacent things. Kati founds her own fashion label—available in Targets everywhere!—and Iz becomes a judge on one of those America’s Got It Factor Talent Shows).

Post girlgroup, Serena runs a Kesha-like life, pop hits made for club dancing. Her character is much more glittering and reckless than Serena might prefer to be, but she’s in the game so long that it sort of – becomes her from time to time.

Serena works tirelessly, keeps trying to break out of her brand of the out of control party girl, but her label, the one she was brought up on, founded by her maternal grandfather, wants her to keep making what sells. Her brother Eric tries to fight her corner, but he’s only a junior employee. After a handful of solo albums and years of endless touring, she burns out. Eric gives her a place to be and rest, and she tries to figure out what the hell she’s going to do. She wants to make more music, but of what?

Blair is taylor-esque, clinging to her brand of The Good Girl from her teen career into adulthood. The reputation and her general effervescence add sparkle to the Bass brand, clean it up a little. It’s a symbiotic business relationship, until it isn’t. 

Chuck progressively tries to exercise more control over the music she puts out, to the point that Blair just…doesn’t. Her last album under the Bass label is the one she released with tracks that allude to their relationship, her victory lap for landing the billionaire bachelor whale, as it were (Style, Wildest Dreams, Wonderland, I Know Places). She’s more clever than some give her credit. For example, the tongue-in-cheek “Blank Space” belies an artistic self-awareness. Which is why, even though they aren’t in the same genres, Jenny Humphrey respects her. 

Speaking of Jenny: the Humphreys!

Rufus Humphrey, frontrunner of the early 90s outfit Lincoln Hawk, enjoyed a good run when his kids were little, then a less lucrative run as a solo artist, before he finally settled into producing. He runs a small, proud independent label with his old bandmate, and they pride themselves on supporting talent that the bigger corporate labels pass over. Both his kids, Dan and Jenny, make music with him. 

They grew up playing piano, then graduated to guitar, then spiraled on from there. Dan joins his first band when he’s sixteen, playing keys for his best friend’s big sister’s band. Ruby Abrams and her bandmates affectionately call him an honorary lesbian, and after gigging with them for about a year, Dan comes out as bi. (his three sisters: Jenny, Vanessa, and Ruby, are already out)

His best friend Vanessa is also a musician. She tries to go the classical route, wanting to usurp her parents’ and her sister’s expectations, but ultimately finds her happy in the indie folk niche that Rufus curates. (Think Lucy Daucus & Maya Hawke) Vanessa’s favorite instrument is bass, but she can find her way around a keyboard or guitar. 

Jenny is the real prodigy, though. She has her guitars and piano and even a mandolin, but she’s restless at sticking to just one sound, so she experiments with them all. Fulfilling, absolutely, but it’s a long time before she puts out a full length record. 

Dan and Jenny’s parents break up while the kids are in college. With Rufus touring as much as he was when they were young, Alison did the heavy lifting raising them, and now that they’re grown she kind of – has a Mom Drop. She moves back home to the Bay Area, and Dan ends up following her to California, needing to get out of New York and get some distance from his dad. 

Jenny stays in New York, taking classes, making music. She starts dating a much older artist—he’s not on her dad’s label (which is part of the appeal) —but he has a complimentary sound. After the mess that was her model gf Agnes, Jenny is hoping for something steadier, but that’s not what it becomes. Being with Damien Dalgaard, darling of the Guy with Guitar genre, ends up being more of a mindfuck. (John Mayer. Damien’s basically John Mayer.)

Rufus tries to put his foot down (even though Jenny’s an adult) and Vanessa tries to help, but it’s one of those things where the toxic relationship just has to run its course, even if it puts Jenny into major spotlight for the first time. It’s rough on her, but she makes it through and out of the relationship. And, at least she comes out of it with enough material to graduate from EPs and make for her first full length album: Badlands.

Jenny starts out this au Halsey-like, but evolves her sound back to her rock folk indie origins, a sound like Julien Baker. 

Meanwhile, Dan tries his luck as a musician on the West Coast, immersing himself in the scene there. He joins the roster of another band, and has enough skill to make income as a session musician to cover the difference, which leads him to another band. He still tries writing, but he’s so busy making other people’s music come alive that he doesn’t get far. 

At one concert or another he bumps into Serena van der Woodsen. She’s fun, and smart, and stupid hot, and more miraculously, she is into him. They date for a while, but her life in the spotlight as a partying popstar gets more and more chaotic, and Dan can’t keep up, and he’s not really sure he wants to. The break up amicably, but it still stings enough to generate some songs, ones he doesn’t have time to record. 

He keeps dating around. Serena sets him up with one of her friends, an actor, Carter Baizen, but he works so much too that it doesn’t go anywhere at the time. And then, there’s Georgina,

At the beginning, Georgina the heiress from Bel-Air just seems like another in a line of innocuous bad decisions Dan’s made since moving to LA. She’s crazy, but she’s hot, and fun, and it’s a good time until it fizzles out. 

Then, months later, when Dan’s offered a spot in a backup band for someone, Georgina shows up at his door, pregnant. 

The Milo plot unfolds, Dan steps away from his music, works only on what will pay bills and keep life stable for the baby. Georgina flakes, and flakes, until she doesn’t, until she decides to tell Dan the truth about Milo’s paternity and take him with her, all the way back to her parent’s mansion in Connecticut. 

After everything, his parents, Serena, Georgina, everything going on with Jenny, Dan just kind of…breaks. He deflates, struggles, holes up in his crummy apartment on the eastside of Los Angeles until Vanessa bullies him into coming back to New York. 

Being around each other again helps the Humphrey siblings reset. Jenny is already promoting Badlands, and Dan becomes her roadie, proudly cheering her on from the sidelines, even while the contents of her lyrics are absolutely gutting. 

He keeps trying and failing to write, until both V and Jen tell him that he’s trying too hard to “make it into something.” Jenny just tells him to write and see what comes out, and however it sounds, it sounds. 

 So he does. It’s not quite the folk his mother raised them on, or the 90s rock of their dad, or the punk that Dan’s been a support player in all these years. It’s softer than that, but more jagged too. But he plays a demo for Jenny and Vanessa and keeps on going. 

Jenny is a big believer in using songwriting as some sort of “exorcist.” Spit out all the bad shit, pour it into a song, put it into a vessel that doesn’t hurt you anymore. Dan’s style is a little bit different from his sister’s. She’s braver than he is – is okay to take her emotion and throw it out into her singing, but Dan thinks he might not be that tough. 

For example, the stuff about Milo, Dan can’t even say it directly. He writes about it sure, but it comes out a mess, until he’s not sure if he’s talking about himself, or Milo, or even Georgina. He can’t even bring himself to mention either of them by name, just names a song after an approximation. Georgia. He also writes his first of many storytelling songs: You Missed My Heart.

He gets enough positivity from the demo for a record deal, and the leading single, Motion Sickness, does better than Dan thought it would. He says it has to be because there’s more residual interest in one of Serena van der Woodsen’s exes than he thought. Jenny and Vanessa share a look, because he really is that good though. 

And after years of work behind the curtain, Dan Humphrey is getting vested interest in his own songs, and what’s more, he’s written something worth singing. Stranger in the Alps launches an entirely new phase of his career, and, as it turns out, his personal life. 

Blair doesn’t travel in the circles of the mid-level artist, but at a festival, purely by chance, she ends up in Dan Humphrey’s car. 

It’s not Dan’s first festival gig, but this is definitely the biggest, and the best spot he’s ever gotten in a lineup. The true sign that he’s on the up and up, though, is that he’s provided transportation. 

After sound check before his gig, he’s herded back to his car, to go back to his hotel before he goes on later tonight.

But then this girl gets in with him. 

Blair had had it with her handler (her husband’s goon), and paparazzi were starting to catch the scent—as far as the public knew, she still had the perfect fairytale dream marriage—so she co-opted this nobody indie guy’s ride as her getaway car. 

Dan’s bewildered, and irritated, but also kind of charmed. It’s a nice break in the routine, accidentally kidnapping a princess of pop. 

He invites her to see his set, which she scoffs at, but she googles him as soon as she’s back in her hotel room. And then, she pulls strings so she can watch his set from backstage. (He covers “I’m on Fire,” and she absolutely does not think that it’s hot). 

They have a drink in the green room after, and don’t stop talking until a festival staff person kicks them out because the venue’s shutting down for the night. 

AND SO IT BEGINS. 

She arranges for him to see her headlining set, and then after, she asks him what he thought, and he tells her. Like, actually tells her. She’s a good artist, with talent, but she keeps dumbing it down, and why? 

He essentially says she’s better than this, and she tells him to fuck off, and tells him that just because not every single one of my songs is about angsting alone on the bedroom floor doesn’t make me shallow, Humphrey. (and that’s his Moment.)

She’d been after compliments, some vague idea that he’d be blown away by how good she is, and she’d get a positive review for once. Which is so stupid, why should she even care what a nobody like Dan Humphrey thinks?

But he is not a nobody, not anymore.

She looks him up after the festival. His star is definitely rising. A child of nepotism, his father was in a popular band in the late 80s and early 90s, and so Dan and his little sister grew up close to the business. Humphrey’s been in a couple bands since he was sixteen (started young like her), but after those broke up, and a couple lost years that google can’t account for, he released a solo album and just like that, people are paying attention, beyond just the indie bubble. 

Blair recognizes his sister, Jenny Humphrey, and even has one of her albums saved in her library. Not something Blair would make, but it’s decent. 

She digs a little more, trying to figure out those lost years, but comes up empty. She does find, however, that Humphrey famously dated Serena a few years back, Google is rife with paparazzi photos of them in LA. And he accused her of making shallow music? Serena’s solo work is nothing but her belting about parties and drugs and sex to heavy beats. Club music. Music to have parties, drugs, and sex, too. 

Finding out his history with Serena is enough for Blair to write off Dan Humphrey as a hack, an aberration. A way to pass the time at a festival gig and distract herself from her own life. 

But, Blair finds Dan Humphrey is becoming increasingly unavoidable. He’s doing one talk show appearance while she’s at another studio a few floors up. He’s moved back to New York, he tells her, just until he goes on tour again. He invites her to a show, at some dive in Brooklyn she’s never heard of. For that, she nearly doesn’t even go. 

But then, she does. 

For security reasons, she sneaks in the back, aided by her assistant Epperly, and watches from the closet that counts as a backstage. It’s an acoustic set, and Dan plays arrangements of his solo album (that she absolutely did NOT listen to), plus some covers. In fact, he covers one of her songs. “Blank Space,” mashed up with “Stand by Me.” He introduces it by saying, “I really love the melodies in this song, I think it’s just really good melody writing.” And it feels like…an apology. 

They keep meeting up, but now, it’s on purpose, not accidental. They’re both in New York for the time being anyways, Dan is getting some rest before the European leg of his album tour, and Blair is supposed to be working on a new album before her own, but she’s got…nothing. Less than nothing. And Chuck knows that, which means it’s harder and harder to have him around. 

Besides, there’s no rule that she can’t have friends. Honestly, with how her career is, she doesn’t really have any. There’s Epperly, and Dorota, maybe Nate. She’s married, but she’s not sure she would call Chuck her friend. 

She and Dan though, they have a real connection. And they can be just friends. 

Since she has absolutely no new songs to record, she leaves for Europe a couple weeks early, she tells Chuck it’s to visit her parents in Paris and get inspired, but then, at the last minute, she changes her itinerary, and goes to Dublin instead, where Dan’s first gig is. 

Blair’s been letting herself and this friendship live in plausible deniability, but as she’s learned more about Dan, about the kind of person and artist that he is, she knows that isn’t really his thing, and when she appears at his show in Dublin, he refuses to let it go, and Blair, worn thin by…literally everything else, can’t keep up the denial anymore, and tells him to bring her back to his hotel. 

It’s a mistake, it’s such a mistake. Blair’s life is already precarious enough as it is. Chuck’s label owns her contracts, her catalog, and basically her. She’s been over and over it, and can’t see a way out. She wanted to be on top, and that was the price. 

But, Dan. 

Being with him feels like waking up after spending her entire adult life asleep. She’s excited about music again, about making something. She writes, then hides it all away, because she can’t record songs about being in love with someone else on her husband’s dime. 

She has her tour, and Dan has his, but they meet on every overlapping date. Sometimes she’s so tired after a concert all she has energy to do is sleep in his arms, but even that stolen time feels sacred. 

When their tour legs end, Dan tentatively asks if it’s the end, but she really doesn’t want it to be. 

He’s back in New York City at first, so that’s easier, and harder, because Chuck is there too. Thankfully, Blair’s sales were high enough that she’s in his good graces, and when she slips away it’s easy enough to say she’s working on something new. She practically sees cartoon dollar signs flash in Chuck’s eyes when she does. How she ever thought that this could be her happily ever after, she’ll never know. 

She and Dan talk about that, about living in stories and wanting fairytales but being smacked down by real life. She tells him that she doesn’t feel like she belongs to herself anymore, how she doesn’t want to write anymore if it means that Chuck will profit off it, but if she walks away, all those things she believed, promised, sung, was all of it for nothing? 

She wrote love songs about Chuck, for Chuck. Her life’s work is tangled up in him, and she’s not sure she wants to pull away from all of that, much less if she even could. 

Dan tells her about Milo, about loss, about the shadow his father cast and how hiding in it was safe so he didn’t try to break out of it, but now he’s out. He talks about loving his parents but resenting them for not staying in love, and resents himself for falling out of love in the past. 

“What did you do about it?” she asks him. 

He waggles his eyebrows at her, and reaches behind him to grab his guitar. 

It’s unfair, she knows it’s unfair. Blair comes to rely on Dan too much, to center her, to hold her, to love her even when it’s not his place. But she keeps going to him, and he’s always there, arms open. 

He’s writing about her. She knows before he even tells her. She can sense it sometimes, when he’s looking at her, and she just knows he has lyrics running in his head. 

But it’s unfair. He’s bicoastal, going to and from LA for gigs and appearances. When he’s gone, Blair does her own, always beginning and ending with paparazzi shots of her on Chuck’s arm, smiling like she’s still in love with him. Her heart belongs to someone else now, but she’s afraid she’s in too deep to break away. 

In the meantime, Dan, Jenny, and Vanessa come back to their roots: each other, and decide to do a project together, write an EP (boygenius. It’s boygenius). They have a fair mix of songs, and all of Dan’s lyrics are fed by his relationship to BLair, that he’s told no one about, but it bleeds out of everything he writes. They’re approaching an impasse, he can feel it, but selfishly, he wants to avoid it as long as possible, to keep her as long as possible. 

In addition to his EP with Jenny and Vanessa, Dan has a deal for a next record, and a handful of songs to put on it already. When he’s in LA, he’s working on his own music, and when he’s in New York, he’s either working with Jen and Vanessa, or he’s with Blair. 

But it can’t last. Blair is feeling the pressure from Bass Records, and if she were to get caught in an affair, or separate from Chuck, Chuck would hold her catalog hostage. Her entire life’s work wouldn’t be hers anymore. And maybe Dan’s right when he says that she can’t stay with her husband, but she’s right when she says she can’t leave him either. 

She can’t even record new music for the label either, because everything new she’s written is covered in Dan. She even wrote a song about that. She is covered in him. 

But Dan has his own wounds, and they make him push, and push, and self sabotage, and after one gruesome, draining fight, Blair calls it off. 

In the meantime, Jenny and Vanessa are doing work of their own, on their music and on themselves. 

Vanessa plays her solos up and down the east coast, through the Midwest, and back in New York. Through Rufus, she meets Aaron Rose, a jack-of-all-trades of sorts. Like Rufus, he was a musician first, but mostly works now as a producer. They hit it off, and after working on a thing or two, they start dating, but only casually. After several years and multiple musical acts, Aaron’s star as a producer is rising, and he’s working with bigger and bigger names. 

Jenny is still healing from all her garbage (Agnes, Damien, etc.), and the music helps, and the project with Dan and Vanessa does too—it’s an excuse to reconnect with each other, and she becomes close to two of her favorite people again. It helps. As does the therapy, and all the other things she does. 

One such thing, recommended by her therapist and her parents, is to do creative things that are outside of her purview as a musician. She’s always sort of been into fashion, so she gets into sewing, into designing her own looks. And when that’s not active enough, she puts in time at the dance studio in Brooklyn where her mom used to teach, where she took classes once upon a time. 

She isn’t interested in lessons, or classes with other people, but the owners still know her, and love Alison, so they’ll give her solo studio time when she asks for it, and one afternoon, one of their new staff walks into the wrong studio. 

Jenny kind of bites his head off, but he kind of likes that. He says his name is Nate, he’s the new hire to take over the beginner classes. And — he’s hot, obviously, but Jenny is on permanent hiatus in that department. Not that that stops her from looking. 

But after that first meeting, Nate is just always around, and Jenny doesn’t really want to deal with all the shit that having him around kicks up within her, but she likes hanging out with him, so she tells him – firmly – that she only wants to be friends, and he respects that. What a thing, to have a guy respect her boundaries. 

She keeps putting it all in her music, Turn Out the Lights doesn’t make the same splash as Badlands, apparently people care less the more distance she puts between herself and Damien, but Jen decides she’s okay with that. 

Reeling from another heartbreak that Dan can’t really talk about, he puts it into his music, in the EP with Jen and V and in his new album. His sophomore solo album, Punisher, comes out to a great reception. Well, great within the small circle of people who actually know who he is. 

The gigs that began with his debut keep rolling in, late night shows, radio appearances, festivals, and now mixed in with those are engagements for his act with Jen and Vanessa. To his surprise, people are interested in that music because of him. He doesn’t know how to feel about that. If you ask him, Jenny and Vanessa are way better at what they do than he is. 

Dan’s public profile grows bigger and bigger, but Blair can’t be happy for him, because it makes him increasingly unavoidable. She refuses to listen to the new music he releases, she’s afraid it’s too cruel towards her, or worse, it’s too kind. 

But, just like their accidental first meeting, she stumbles across a single he put out after the new album. Typical Humphrey. A goddamn overachiever, kept on writing even after the album was done. She didn’t mean to see it, but she was scrolling through All Songs Considered, and there he was, talking about Audrey Hepburn, of all things. 

There’s this line in the movie Sabrina, where she says “I have learned to be in the world and of the world, and not just stand aside and watch.” And that’s really what this song’s about, about falling in love with a person because they’ve taught you how to live, how to appreciate everything the world has to offer. And there’s – there’s a tremendous amount of joy in that, but there’s also fear, because gaining that now means that it’s possible to lose it too. So – I guess this is sort of trying to reconcile those ideas within a song. 

Blair listens to “Sidelines,” and it makes her so angry that she scribbles off a song idea of her own, because he still doesn’t get it. He meant her while she was in the middle of running away, so why won’t he just let her run?

She worries fleetingly about getting caught, because Audrey is her thing, and Dan knows that, but Audrey is a ubiquitous enough icon that no one but she would ever make the connection. He’s good at that, Dan is, of coding a message to her that only she could understand. It’s the same skill that makes him such a good writer. 

Blair writes songs because she can’t help it, but she won’t record them. A new album would mean adding to Chuck’s empire, and the thought of Chuck owning these songs too, the only things of Dan she’s allowed herself to keep…she can’t stomach the thought of it. 

She’s stayed with him to protect her work, but now her work is dead on arrival because of him, and that’s really what drives her decision to divorce Chuck. 

She has to do it carefully, of course. She sets up a place of her own to go to in New York, moves in all the things that mean the most to her. Puts her notebooks in a safety deposit box—just to be sure. And, finally, she reaches out to her mother, to get a recommendation for a divorce attorney familiar with entertainment law. 

On a first impression, Cyrus Rose doesn’t look like much beyond a short, ebullient, overly cheery middle-aged man, but Blair quickly learns that when he’s practicing law, he turns into a bulldog. He fights for her and for her work so fiercely that for a little while, Blair lets herself believe that it will all come out her way. 

But there’s all the media coverage, and it paints her out as a bitter, gold-digging, ungrateful woman, villainizing a man who doesn’t deserve it. It pisses her off to no end, but Cyrus tells her to hold her silence, and she trusts him, so she does.

In the end, Cyrus is able to get her out of her marriage and most of her contract with Bass Records. She’s not destitute, she still has her family money, and a comfortable settlement, but Cyrus is ultimately unable to save her music. Bass will still own her masters, and the residuals from those masters. It’s that that breaks her heart the most—more than how quickly Chuck turned the media cycle against her, more than how many people followed his lead, more than the evidence Cyrus discovered of his multiple affairs, of his mismanagement of the company—but that her work cannot belong to her, that hurts the most. 

But, bulldog that he is, Cyrus digs out a loophole. Since going solo, Blair has been the prime writer of all her songs, which gives her the legal right to rerecord her masters. So while she can’t stop Chuck from doing whatever he wants with her old work, anything she makes now can be entirely within her control. 

She just has to find someone willing to work with her. And who she trusts enough to work with. 

Worn out, Blair retreats from the public eye, it’s lonely, but thankfully, not too lonely. 

The divorce process set Blair to looking back at lots of her life, at things and people she wishes she had handled differently. After she privately filed her petition, she reached out to Serena, and, miraculously, Serena answered. 

Before anything else is fixed, Blair and Serena’s friendship is fixed. They reconnect, because everything they’ve been through, together and apart, has made them want to focus on what matters, and what matters is each other. 

They talk all the shit through, Blair’s marriage, Serena’s struggles, their respective creative blocks. They start appearing in public together, and the tabloids gobble that shit UP.

Serena is working on a comeback record of her own, her first since burning out with her grandfather’s label. It’s zany, and bright, but doesn’t shy away from the heartache she’s been through. It’s so incredibly her, that Blair can’t help but love it. She loves it, no matter that the liner notes give credit to a Dan Humphrey on a few tracks

Free from Bass Records, Blair wants to work on a new album, but she’s unsure of where to begin. Serena offers to introduce her to this producer she’s been dating (out of the public eye for a change), Aaron Rose. 

Blair doesn’t quite know what to make of Aaron, of his music, of his open relationship with her newly restored best friend, but she looks up his previous acts and thinks…maybe working with him could be the change her sound needs. 

Dan is moving in—if not the same—adjacent circles to her. Enough so that she can’t get him out of her head, can’t get over wanting him. She spills the whole thing to Serena, who she knew was also Dan’s ex, but didn’t know that they were still friends. Serena tells her to stay optimistic, Blair says Serena just thinks that because she’s okay sharing a boyfriend. 

Her engagements have been sparse, she’s not wanted many, and not many have wanted her, but Austin City Limits is still on her calendar. In the promotional materials, they highlight her on one stage, and Dan’s band with Jenny and Vanessa on another. 

She doesn’t intend to seek him out, but fate conspires against her, and they end up thrown into the same green room. Again. 

Dan doesn’t want to want her anymore. His career has forward movement and even if the music he makes is about her, the people who like it don’t know that, nor do they care. They care that it’s good. His career is good, he’s been dating Netflix Original darling Carter Baizen for months now, happily and uncomplicatedly. (Serena put them in touch, then one dm led to another, and it’s nice). Not that Carter doesn’t have his own damage—no one in LA is without damage, but they can forget about their damage with each other. It’s not love, but it’s not not love. 

Dan doesn’t want to want her anymore, But, oh, he does. 

They nearly miss their calls—his set, her soundcheck—while talking (well, talking, fighting, kissing, then talking some more). But they fulfill their contracts, and just like it started three years ago, they end up backstage after their shows, drinking, and talking, and talking until a harrowed stage manager is begging them to leave. 

Dan sets a limit, makes himself go back to Jen and Vanessa, instead of going home with her, but he says he’s going straight to New York after this, and asks if she’ll be around. 

Blair says yes. 

After the divorce, Blair sold off the real estate she’d kept from her marriage. It was all too haunted, too high up, too far from reality. While looking for a new place, Epperly showed her a listing for a remodeled carriage house in the West Village; Blair would have bought it sight unseen if anyone but Epperly had been there. 

Back in New York, Dan invites her to a secret acoustic show he’s playing near NYU. She goes, of course, and this time, when she asks him to come home with her, he says yes. 

It takes time. For them to trust each other, and reconnect. But they do, and Blair feels like her life is finally making sense. 

She and Dan take one day, one step at a time, in secret, for both their sakes, and meanwhile, she, Epperly, Cyrus, and Aaron negotiate a new contract with Rose Records.

Her best-friendship, record deal, and love life all fall into place, and then Blair is writing like never before.

Aaron is….unconventional, and doesn’t let her push him around, which she finds infuriating, not for least of which is the direction he wants to take this album. She fights it at first, but if she really does want to make a departure from the pop princess songs she was generating, maybe following down his path is not the worst idea. And if she hates it, then she can just walk. 

It’s still pop, but it’s bigger, less bubbly and more….glittering. It’s….darker isn’t exactly the right word, but like she’s not trying to be the Good Girl anymore. It’s just crafting a record that’s hers, one song at a time. 

She offers Dan the option to co-write, more than once, but he turns her down. Not because he doesn’t care, but because this is the first time the music she’s making entirely belongs to her, and he doesn’t want to get in the way of that. 

“Church and state,” he says one late night in her cozy house on Cornelia Street. 

“And which one’s this?” 

“Church,” he answers immediately before kissing her. “Obviously.”

Speaking of church and state, and despite their expectations, they’re able to keep them out of the public eye. Blair’s friends know, and Dan’s family knows, but no one else does. By some miracle, they keep out of the tabloids. Blair keeps working on her album, Dan keeps working with his sister and best friend. They go out into the world and make music and go home to each other at the end of the night. 

Blair and Aaron Rose make a surprisingly good time. They finish the album fast, and nine months after Blair’s divorce from Chuck and Bass Records, reputation drops. 

She has a whole slew of promotions to do for the release, but that midnight, she and Dan open a bottle of wine and listen to the whole thing start to finish. (“Church and State, honey, I’ll listen when it’s done,” he’d said). He’s a fan. 

She and Aaron were both intent on it not being a “divorce record,” but it is about her, exploring who she is as a person and an artist after her carefully constructed life fell apart, and about the love and truth she found in the wreckage. It's not a divorce record; she never point blank references Chuck, or their marriage, but the argument could be made that there’s a rebuke against him in every track. Even in the love songs she wrote about Dan, her writing of him is an antithesis of who Chuck was as a partner. The most pointed tracks are even able to claim plausible deniability. There are some people on the internet, though, who criticize the single “Look What You Made Me Do,” as a phrase habitually used by abusers, to which Blair says (in private, of course): “Yeah, that was the whole fucking point.”

The album doesn’t out perform her Bass releases immediately, but no one denies that the Queen B is back, she charms on late night shows, radio spots, and a months-long tour kicks off with high sales. There’s another legal fight about her having to pay for the right to perform her own songs on the tour, and as infuriating as that is, Blair is restored at having herself as an artist back. 

Of course, to the public, the addressee in many of the songs is a mystery. Who is “Gorgeous” about? Or “Dress”? Or “Call It What You Want”? Many a pop culture think-piece is written on the topic, but no one guesses right. The most popular theory though, since they appear in public so often nowadays, is that Blair is dating Serena. It turns out to be a pretty good cover for keeping their real relationships private, so they play it up. 

(sidebar: in the effort to hold of the Divorce Record allegations, Aaron had her tweak the bridge in Gorgeous, the original lines she demo’ed for him were: you make me so happy it turns back to sad / there’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have / guess I’ll just stumble on back to my man / unless you want to take me home)

(It’s actually a testament to the loyalty and restraint of the people around them, because Blair and Dan are shit at being subtle while they’re together. )

Speaking of the people around them, it’s a bit hilarious how their lives all intertwine and overlap. There’s Dan’s sister, who’s hated Blair’s ex-husband for years, and who’s now decidedly not dating Blair’s ex-boyfriend. (“Just friends,” she and Nate insist to anyone who even comes close to asking, but Blair thinks they doth protest too much). And there’s Blair's best friend who was her former nemesis and Dan’s ex but is now dating Blair’s colleague and producer. Speaking of her colleague and producer, Aaron—who just so happens to be her lawyer’s son—he’s also in a poly-relationship with Dan’s best friend and bandmate, Vanessa Abrams. Vanessa who, on more than one occasion, Blair has caught giving Serena the eye, and vice versa.

They are all kind of a mess, but Blair finds she loves it that way. Her supposedly pristine life had been fake anyway. She much prefers this. 

She and Dan keep their relationship a secret through her stadium tour and into awards season, when they decide to finally come out of the shadows. 

“I’ve never really come out before,” Dan jokes, “everybody just already kinda knew.”

They pick the American Music Awards as the event. Blair gives him one last out in the limo ride over, but he doesn’t want to take it. He’s not ignorant of the public attention and pressure she lives with, but he loves her more than he’s afraid of that. 

He gets out of the car first on his side, then comes around to open her door and help her out onto the red carpet. She kisses him as soon as she’s on her feet, limo door still open, cameras flashing in front of them. 

The internet loses its collective mind. Intrigue suddenly sprouts up around this unassuming sad boi indie artist. Streams of Punisher and Strangers in the Alps hit all time highs. Dan’s been represented by his dad this whole time, but now Rufus jokes, “I think I can’t afford you.”

To ask him if his life has changed is stupid, of course it has, but his focus doesn’t. Dan’s attention is always only on the music. On the music, and on Blair. 

Every year, Vanessa orchestrates a benefit show at one of their old favorite clubs in Brooklyn. It’s usually just Vanessa, Jenny, and Dan, but once she’s earned the trust of Dan’s sisters, Blair appears too. People go feral for a bootleg when they hear through the grapevine that she covered “A Case of You,” with Dan on the dulcimer. 

For two people who love playing music, and love playing music together, they don’t do it in public very often. It becomes something that they save for just each other, and only occasionally will they perform together in public. Dan plays on Blair’s NPR TIny Desk once, and once for WFUV, they do a cover of “Dust to Dust.” it’s OBSCENE. sex in the studio amirite

The dark corners of the internet (fangirls) start looking a little too closely at their lyrics, and it’s only a matter of time before a fan tweet theorizes that Blair Waldorf had an affair with sad boi indie guy while she was married.

Chuck jumps on the rumor, plays it up in an attempt to smack Blair down after the success of her latest record. He calls her a cheater, a gold-digger, all the accusations he floated during the divorce and more. 

In response, Blair releases a single. She wrote it while she and Dan were first together all those years ago, and kept it for her. At the time, she never planned on letting it see the light of day, she wasn’t even sure she would share it with Dan. But where she is now, she feels happy and safe in sharing this piece of her soul. 

When she drops “ivy,” it's a confirmation of the rumors, but unapologetic. Comedians applaud her gall on late night shows. She was accused of having an affair, and she said, yeah I fucked him, and I wrote this ballad about it. 

It isn’t pristine, or the most graceful thing to admit, but Blair is happy, and she won’t pretend to be sorry for being happy. She releases another album (Loneliest Time), then another (Lover), as does Dan (the more rockabilly Sleepwalkers). And three years after her divorce, they marry in a private ceremony with only their nearest and dearest in attendance. They keep the marriage quiet for six months after the fact. And, in the meantime, Blair sits down with Aaron to strategize re-recording her masters. 

She starts with a single from her last record under the Bass umbrella. She’d written “This Love” about her and Chuck’s on-again, off-again relationship before he finally gave in and married her. On touring, she’d grown increasingly tired of it, she’d hated it for a while there. But her life and heart have come full circle, and now she can sing it with a new perspective. 

When “This Love (B’s Version)” drops, she posts a set of photos on instagram: 

The cover of the new single, which is a close up of her face, eyes closed, lips red, another set of lips kissing her cheek

The original photo used for the cover, zoomed out to see Dan kissing Blair’s cheek.

Another photo of Blair and Dan in their home at the West Village, forehead to forehead, facing each other. 

A candid shot of Blair in the studio, wiping her eyes after tearing up while recording vocals. 

Another candid of Blair and Aaron hugging once they wrapped. 

Blair writes the caption of the post herself, which reads:

It’s funny how the meanings of songs can change as you change. When I first recorded “This Love,” I hadn’t even met the love of my life yet. I thought my big, magical, cyclical love story was done. Then, when I learned it wasn’t that magical at all, I couldn’t bring myself to sing the song anymore, its meaning had become tainted, hurtful. But then, after enough time, and with the right person, something amazing happened. I found a new meaning in it, deeper, happier, and it was like my life had finally caught up to what I had written all those years ago. These hands had to let it go free, but “This Love” has finally come back to me, and now I share it with you. xoxo, B

And CURTAIN

PS: this is how they announce Blair’s pregnancy when it happens

[caltropspress]

RAPS + CRAFTS #33: Gabe 'Nandez

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

Gabriel Matias Fernandez Traoré aka Gabe ‘Nandez. Past projects in chronological order - H.T., Sifu, Disconnected, Plaques (a compilation), Cliquetape, Diplomacy, Grove, Ox, Seven, Strife, Canis Cascus, Pangea, H.T. III, H.T. III (Deluxe), Object Permanence. Upcoming projects - False Profit produced by Thomas Maggart, a collaborative album with U.K. rapper Louis Jack, and more.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

My desk, at home. If I’m not at home, then any desk. Or something desk like, if available. I tend to write at night and during twilight, generally speaking.

And yeah I try to write every day, and usually do. That being said, I ultimately need a few days off after writing every day for an extended period of time. But that in itself is also part of my writing process, it’s holistic.

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

Pen and paper always. I’ll take walks and write bars in my head but it all comes together when I pull the pen and notebook out.

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

I write in bars, it’s all organized. Scientific. 

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

Depends. Sometimes I’ll write 32 bars and decide I don’t want to use them after all, but that doesn’t happen often. I haven’t trashed an entire verse in a minute, there’s usually always a few gems in there that I can re-purpose. If I do trash something forever, it’s usually like…four bars in. Might read it back later and go “What the fuck was I on here?”

The first two lines tend to dictate everything. The first two bars cannot be trash. That’s the headline, it has to be strong because it sets the tone for the entire verse. I make sure the first two work and then it usually stays good from there.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

Honestly, the text messages I’ve sent women read like straight poetry sometimes. Like I’ll structure them like a poem, stanzas and shit like that, with rhythm and shit. I’m not even trynna come off like Casanova right now, I’m just being honest. Those texts are romantic as fuck and I’m proud of them. 

I’ve had to mess around with other mediums during academia but haven’t done so since I left. 

And ultimately I consider what I do with this rap shit poetry. Not crazy about labels but I’d still classify my writing as that.

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

There usually isn’t much editing involved and I rarely trip over finishing stuff once I start it. I might take a long time to actually start the verse though, the first two bars. So I’ll just listen to the music for as long as I need to until the first two bars come to me, and then it’s pretty much smooth sailing from there. Usually. Every song is different though.

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

Ideally, I tailor the writing to a specific piece of music, but I’ve transplanted verses to other beats before, definitely.

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

It really depends. There are general themes in my life that dictate the themes in my art, and I can just go stream-of-consciousness while sounding topical in my creative universe on any song. Sometimes a specific thing will inspire me, like my song “Commerce God” for example, which was inspired by the god Hermes/Mercury, and riffs around the statue of Mercury on top of Grand Central Station.

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

I would say both.

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?

Good question, and a hard one. I’ll say “Ox” 'cause it’s the song of mine that’s reached the most people so far. I think it’s cause it has a balanced amount of depth and flexing. That beat goes crazy too. Stars just aligned on that one.

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

“Self emancipated from a place of permanent ruin” is one that comes to mind. It’s a comment on how I kicked narcotics and alcohol but also sounds real fly and rolls of the tongue well. 

It’s from a track called “Semtex.” Wrote that one in like half an hour off of no sleep at 5:00AM type shit . Always fond of those type of sessions.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

I’m cool with punching in 'cause I’m good at it and can make it seamless. Or at least seamless enough where I’m cool with it. But there are times where I know I can just one-take a section of a song, so I’ll do that.  I’m with whatever needs to get done to get the song recorded, and the procedure is never exactly the same. It’s all very instinctive when I’m in the booth.

I’ve one-taked an entire song before, my song “Up Top.” First take, one take. That was crazy. But I don’t go in there planning on doing that. That just happened organically.

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

Old books and stories. Theology, mythology, some philosophy. From different cultures. 

Otherwise life. People, the interactions I have or have had with them. Dreams sometimes.

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

Self-doubt isn’t something I struggle with in general. All of my music is objectively great because it’s tediously well made. I might cringe at some of my old stuff, but I don’t at most of it.

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?

Off top, Prodigy. But, to be honest, I��m at the stage where I’ve found my voice, so I don’t really run into situations where I’m writing and go, “Nah, that’s his shit.” It does happen sometimes, but it’s rare. 

Sometimes I’ll throw a dart in someone else’s style on purpose as an homage.

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

I’m here to express myself through art. By doing so, my viewpoints are shared, my energy is felt. This action, in turn, communicates the essence of my being and my spirit, which does what it’s intended to do, according to or regardless of my intention. 

I can’t control how someone is going to react to an action I take, let alone how my art is going to make them feel. I’m confident that I can direct and influence accurately - I’m confident that we all can. But, ultimately, I don’t have a desire to sway people in a particular direction, through art or in everyday life. That’s up to people.

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.

Photo credit: Sebastian Thompson

[bmodiwrites]

I'll Dial Drunk

Hi friends! I'm back with something that's been brewing since Noah Kahan released the extended version of his newest album. Dial Drunk is the motivation for this one - I hope you like what my mind cooked up! There will be a second part, so be on the lookout for that. You can read I'll Dial Drunk below or over on AO3. Please like, reblog, and let me know what you think!

The mahogany under Steve’s arm is slippery like grease, covered in both sweat from the bar’s patrons and slick from the coating used to keep its shine. He tries not to look down at the reflective surface – his mirror image is just as bad as the one Steve projects out into the world and he’s already depressed. Seeing examples of his downfall never helps.  

For the fourth night in a row, Steve sits at the far corner of The Hideout, sipping a drink. There aren’t many lights that surround him so Steve is usually unbothered and undisturbed while he drowns his sorrows in whiskey and rum. After so many years of isolation, that’s how Steve likes it. He doesn’t know how to converse with strangers anymore – his allotted charm hit it’s peak so long ago that Steve can’t even remember what normal interaction is actually like.

Tonight is somehow different. There’s a charge in the air that Steve can’t seem to push past or ignore. He takes a deep breath, testing out the oxygen level in the room. Though it supplies him with what his body needs, Steve can smell the lingering anticipation.

Or maybe, he’s just really fucking drunk.

The whiskey in his hands is warm by now, the ice he ordered in it all but melted and watering down the drink. Steve throws it back anyway, well aware of the waste it would be if he doesn’t. His money isn’t something he can just throw away now. With so much agony following him around, disappearing into his mind isn’t beneficial. These days, it’s easier to live in the back of his head than exist in the real world – working a job included. It’s lonelier there, sad in so many ways that a lack of steady income doesn’t even break into the top five.

At least in his head, Steve is surrounded by the family he once had. Dustin and the kids aren’t gone yet, the sleepy little town they all grew up in hasn’t chased them away. They’re available for him outside of the holidays that blow by in a haze of too little time and so much to do every time his surrogate kids come back to see their families. His mind perfectly preserved the happy moments where Steve is at his best and not lonelier than any man should be.

What’s lacking in his real life, Steve clings to in his thoughts.

Unsurprisingly, Steve also keeps a perfectly rendered picture of the one that got away tucked back there, mingling with all of his other good memories. In his head, Eddie Munson is bright eyed and 21 years old. There are scars that mark him but beauty radiates from him all the same. In the handful of years since Eddie turned him away, Steve’s mental picture and it’s clarity hasn’t changed a single bit. He can’t forget dimpled smiles and chocolate button eyes that were so easy to love – no matter what drawing up that vision costs him.

And the toll of clinging onto such memories is so very high. Steve struggles to make it from day to day after nights where Eddie and the kids live in the forefront of his mind. When they’re tucked away and out of sight, Steve can almost forget the pain that radiates from his chest and magnifies as it goes down. He can do his job and wake up in the morning without too much heartache. For some of the long days, Steve manages with barely a passing thought for those who left him behind.

Days like today are impossible, however. Hell, the last few days haven’t been all that good. After hearing about Eddie on the radio, Steve is stuck in the moments where that brilliant man was his - even if they are few and far between. The alcohol numbs the need to desperately seek Eddie out, to run across Hawkins and demand to be taken back. Yet, it enhances the want for him, for the life they should’ve had even more. The impossible conundrum is neither solved nor soothed by whiskey on the rocks, though Steve keeps drinking all the same.

How can he not when thirty came and went last fall and Steve’s not any closer to being where he wants in life or with the people he needs so very desperately? As the world turned on around him, Steve dug his heels in and tried to stop it from spinning him off his axis. This place, this town - it’s all he’s ever known. After all the trauma, Steve is certain he made the right decision to stay right where he is, consequences be damned.

A loud bang a few feet down the bar draws Steve away from his melancholy, all sad thoughts halting. A new group is starting to get passed the point of socially drunk – the ruckus they’re going to cause is a little more than Steve can take at the moment. Instead of asking for one more like most nights, Steve signals to the bar tender, requesting the check.

“All done for the night, Harrington?” Gareth asks, a worried look on his face. Steve watches him glance between the rowdy group and himself. There’s a tension there that Steve can’t quite place. Despite being one of the bars best customers, Gareth seems eager to have Steve gone.

Instead of wondering why, Steve’s drunk brain grasps onto the question the bartender asked. “Sure am. Gotta save a little of that liquor for the next time I’m here.” Steve tries to smile but it falls flat - there’s nothing nice about being a drunk and knowing it. The hilarity of the situation is long gone now that Steve is stuck in this rut and can’t seem to get out.

After making quick work of his change, Gareth nods at Steve and turns back to help the other group demanding his attention. Steve shakes his head to clear it, then starts his trek over to the main entrance. He’s wobbling and a bit tipsy on his feet but they eventually start to work and clumsily carry him across the room. Of course, they can’t whisk him away fast enough to avoid hearing something that is guaranteed to set him off.

“Did you hear the freak is back in town?”

“Yeah, man. I saw him at the coffee shop with his uncle. Still as freaky as ever.”

“I don’t know why that Munson kid ever comes back. He’s never been welcome here.”

With each new scathing remark, Steve forgets himself a little more. Despite not being Eddie’s for a long time now, Steve can’t help the way his heart lurches anytime someone speaks badly of him. There’s so much this stupid town doesn’t know; Eddie is a savior and part of the reason Hawkins is still standing. He wonders briefly if they would think differently of him if the truth were to come out. Though, that’s quickly brushed away in favor of the rising anger Steve isn’t even trying to control. Why should he when there’s nothing to lose?

Turning around, Steve makes quick work of stumbling back over to the group who’s now cackling madly. There’s a moment where Gareth looks at him, even shakes his head, but Steve ignores him. It’s already too late to turn back now. How can he, anyway? Eddie’s never deserved the hand he was dealt. After a decade, the trash talk needs to go away for good.

“I’ve never liked that word – freak. Especially when it’s coming from boys like you,” Steve says, squaring up his shoulders to bring himself to full height. He’s surrounded on all sides by assholes but he’s not afraid. For the first time in a long time, Steve feels alive.

The leader of the group, some Jason Carver wannabe, turns to Steve, looking him up and down. There’s recognition that’s quickly diminished into a hatred only people in Hawkins can understand.

“What makes you think I give a shit what the town drunk has to say?”

There are snickers following the attempted insult; this ring leader has all of his flunkies trained well. Steve ignores them, however, setting his sights on the guy dumb enough to step up and take the bait. Despite not being athletic anymore and a little older than he was, Steve knows he can win a fight. There’s been more than a few in this very spot that ended in victory for Steve. He’s not afraid nor cowed by a jackass who talks about something he’s got no business even bringing up.

“You care enough to turn around and clap back. I’d say you’re pretty invested.” Steve smirks at that, knowing he’s got this guy right where he wants him.

As expected, the man takes a step towards Steve, his fingers clenching. “I would watch yourself if I were you. 7 to 1 isn’t much of a fight.”

Without thinking or even trying to act rationally, Steve smiles wider – his eyes darkening. “I like those odds,” he mutters a second before drawing back his right arm and swinging.

The punch lands right where he wants it. Steve is happy to see that the guy is all talk and no action. He blows back against the bar like he’s been hit by a truck, not a simple thing like Steve’s fist. His face is pinched into a grimace that gets worse when he sees the rest of the group just standing there staring.

“You’re just going to let him do that to me?” Steve’s victim roars, his hands that are covering his nose muffling the sound. A few of the guys jump into action while the rest take a step back. They’re smart not to take on a crazy person without anything to lose.

For what seems like hours, Steve fights them off. He throws punches and lets a few glance off him to get the advantage. By the time there’s blue and red flashing lights in the window, everyone is sporting at least one black eye and Steve’s knuckles are torn open, each one of them bleeding enough to leave track marks down the side of Steve’s shirt and jeans. He looks murderous and Hop says so as he’s putting him into cuffs.

“You look fucking rabid, Harrington. Ain’t nothing worth this.” Hop’s words are harsh but his hands are gentle on Steve’s wrists. They’ve been through this song and dance a few times before. All because of Eddie – always because of that damn boy.

“You don’t even know him anymore, Steve. Why do you do this to yourself?”

Steve contemplates that answer all the way to the station while he sits in the back of Hop’s squad car. The fifteen minute drive is enough to sober him somewhat, though there’s still a long way to go before clarity sets in. His mind is addled but one thing is clear, Eddie is always worth the punches Steve throws. Always.

After getting dragged into the station, Hop throws Steve into a chair in front of his desk. He sits down heavily, the tiredness of getting his ass kicked starting to set in. They both know exactly who Steve wants to call but Hop makes him wait. They toil in silence for ages, staring at each other but not seeing. Glancing but never quite making eye contact.

When this first happened, Hop tried his best to guide Steve. To this day the man feels like a father figure that Steve never had in his own daddy. Yet, Steve is and always has been too stubborn to do what’s best for himself. He’s ruled by emotion that weighs him down and forces him to remain stagnant. He’s stuck in the past where genuine happiness exists - even if it’s just for those handful of months. Steve doesn’t want to forget the way his heart pounded or the shape of Eddie’s lips against his own. Every trip to the police station is worth it. It has to be when Steve has nothing left.

It’s obvious that neither of them are going to talk so Hop huffs out an impatient breath before reaching for the phone on his desk. Steve usually dials the number but Hop doesn’t let him this time. His fingers glide over the buttons, the rhythm of it like music to Steve’s ears.

There’s a singular moment where Steve thinks Hop isn’t going to hand over the phone – a look in his eyes that Steve can’t quite decipher. Though, it’s gone as fast as it came; the receiver is in Steve’s hands before the slightest idea of what Hop is thinking comes to the surface of Steve’s drunken mind. Everyone has their problems, that much is obvious.

Like every time before, Hop leaves him to his own devices. After the call went unanswered the second time and Steve flipped out, Hop’s taken to giving him some privacy. Despite his misconduct, the town’s sheriff doesn’t actually want to arrest Steve. There’s too much history to allow a small misdemeanor to truly ruin Steve’s life. This, the handcuffs, the time spent in the station – it’s all a familiar procedure now. The choreography is soothing in a world where Steve knows there aren’t guarantees. At least some things never change.

The continual ringing of the phone in his hand pulls Steve back to the present. Usually, there’s a couple of half assed rings and then a long dial tone before the operator hops on to say the number has been disconnected. After Eddie pushed him out the door a decade ago, the trailer’s number never worked again, despite the millions of times Steve dialed it time and time again. The disconnection of that bond still stings, so Steve is perplexed to hear the ringing continue. It goes and goes until there’s a click and a miracle truly happens.

“Munson residence, this is Eddie.”

Steve’s breath catches and for a second, he forgets himself. He forgets that he’s been trying to get through for years and years. Steve is suddenly back in his bedroom with that voice whispering in his ear. It’s like 10 years of hurt and pain no longer exist.

Then, reality comes crashing back.

“If you’re one of those fuckers calling to yell about damnation, you can save it!”

Gasping, Steve clings to the here and now to reply before the call is hung up.

“Wait, wait. Don’t go, Eddie!”

There’s silence.

Then –

“Steve? Is that really you?”

“Yeah, Eddie. It’s me. I can’t – I can’t believe you finally picked up. 10 years later.”

“How did you – never mind. Where are you? And why are you calling?”

Steve scoffs, his emotions all over the place. “I’ve been calling for years – just to maybe hear your voice. Of course you finally answer when I’m stuck in handcuffs at the police station. How fucked is that?”

A chuckle sounds down the line, the vibration of it genuine and true in Steve’s ears. He wants to cry from the relief of finally hearing such a happy noise again. It’s insane knowing how much better he feels just from that one second of joyful sound.

“You called me as your one phone call? What would’ve happened if I didn’t pick up?”

“Well, you never have before. Hop usually throws me in the holding cell and lets me sleep it off. I cry for a bit and then drop into an exhausted slumber where I dream about you. Pretty standard stuff.”

“Oh, Steve – “  

The tone of Eddie’s voice is raw and pitying – any other time, Steve would’ve lashed out in order to protect himself and his pride. Yet, he’s too weak and relieved to hear Eddie at all that Steve let’s it slide. He clings to it, even – the dulcet tones of worry are better than the silence that usually follows him around.

“I’m okay, Eddie. Drunk and bruised up but okay. Better than ever now.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but sit tight, okay? I’ll be there soon.”

Steve can’t process the words so he hums and holds the phone tightly to his ear, keeping it there even after Eddie hangs up and the dial tone is all that’s left. Steve clings and clings until Hop walks back into the room and takes the receiver from him.

“He picked up this time, Hop. Must be my lucky day.”

Hop looks at him for a moment, contemplating whether Steve needs to know that he dialed the right number instead of the one Steve always uses before deciding against it. He simply smiles in Steve’s direction, placating the drunken boy who still feels like a son. For so many years, Hop watched Steve drag himself down. Tonight, putting him in the car was just too much. Hop isn’t all that certain Wayne won’t hate him later but Steve’s happiness is worth whatever backlash he may get. This thing, the isolation between two kids obviously still gone for each other, has gone on long enough.

Steve and Hop wait at the desk until the station’s front door opens. For Steve, the entire world stops – there’s no spinning on an axis or time passing him by. There’s only Eddie.

Despite 10 years continuing on, Eddie isn’t much different. There are a few laugh lines around his eyes and a new scar over his right eyebrow. He’s a little heavier because exercising is for the weak but that’s about it. Steve is transported back to the easy days when summer vacation and what’s for lunch were his only worries. His fingers itch to bury themselves in the thick strands of curly hair still hanging past Eddie’s shoulders, kinky and long as always. Steve wants so much that he’s overwhelmed and completely mute the entire time Eddie and Hop discuss the situation.

By the time Hop is taking him out of the cuffs, Steve’s drunkenness has reached a critical level. It’s difficult to hobble out to the car, even with the warm press of Eddie against his side. Steve is so intoxicated that he can’t even enjoy the rare gift that being next to Eddie is. He’s happy to simply be there with him, to sit in the passenger seat of a new car that smells like Eddie and the burn of Marbolo Reds. Steve can only smile and nod when Eddie asks him questions. There’s no cognition of what he’s being asked to do or say but Steve is happy all the same. For the first time in a decade, he drifts off to sleep without a semblance of tightness or misery sitting in his belly.

——

“Hey there, Stevie – “

The all too familiar voice has Steve turning over, a soft smile on his face. He can tell it’s Eddie talking to him, there’s no mistaking the affection that sounds in his ears, yet the outline of his body is hazy and unfocused. Steve reaches up to rub at his eyes but it’s no use. The achingly familiar tease of Eddie just barely out of his reach is so familiar, Steve knows he’s dreaming.

Despite that, he extends his arm in Eddie’s direction. Steve’s fingers throb with a desperate need to touch, the ache so very familiar. Like usual, Steve gets so close that the feeling of Eddie’s leather jacket under his skin is almost tangible. While the memory of that touch lingers, the real thing hovers away for no justifiable reason. Steve’s come to the conclusion that he’s not allowed happiness. After so long, he’s used to never getting what he wants.

The sound of a coffee maker beeping draws Steve out of his restless dream. He blinks awake with a heavy sigh, both frustrated and glad to be free of that glorious torture – at least until he manages to try and rest again later. Stretching in hopes of forgetting the turmoil already setting in, Steve leans into the feeling of his muscles loosening. He’s sore enough to know a fight occurred without the memories having to resurface. A quick flex of his hand drives that reality home tenfold. There are cracks and cuts across the skin, though they’re lacking the caked on dry blood that’s usually looking back at him. In fact, all of his injuries have been taken care of.

With this newfound knowledge, Steve finally takes in the rest of his surroundings. Instead of the corner of a jail cell, Steve is reclined on a decently comfortable couch. There is a pillow under his head and a handmade blanket over top of him. Everything smells familiar, like Eddie’s cologne and the natural musk of a well-loved home. He’s startled to realize that whatever happened last night isn’t a dream his hopeful heart concocted.

That’s further proven by a cup of coffee being pushed into his hands a couple of minutes later. Steve is so dumbstruck that it takes a second for his body to cooperate. Eddie patiently waits in front of him until there’s no risk of spilling hot liquid. Despite the warmth of the drink, Steve takes a handful of desperate sips before even thinking about taking on whatever’s coming next.

Surprisingly, it’s silence that follows. Steve watches Eddie drink his coffee. In return, those brown eyes stay on Steve, too. There’s some sort of stalemate happening that’s not going to be broken by Steve. He’s too busy soaking Eddie in while the caffeine of the coffee is absorbed into his blood stream. Little by little, Steve gets a better grip on himself – his heart starts beating fast, it’s normal reaction to Eddie so close. Instead of the sluggish drunk of last night, Steve becomes the person he truly is.

A lost soul with a lot of unresolved feelings.

Eddie must see that because he finally breaks the ice developing up between them.

“You look like shit, man.”

Forgetting himself for a second, Steve can’t help but laugh. His chest heaves with the unexpected intensity of such an emotion. For a minute at least, Steve chuckles until there are tears streaming down his face.

“Fuck – I forgot how much you make me feel.” Steve takes a second, let’s himself calm down. Then, he trucks on. “I am shit, Eddie. Have been for years now. I can’t believe you’re actually here. I thought I dreamed last night up.”

“Trust me, I’m very real.” Eddie stops for a second, inelegantly staring Steve down. “It’s crazy to think my first adventure back home is with you. After all this time, it’s like nothing’s changed.”

“You’re shitting me, right? Nothing’s changed? I called you from jail last night, Eddie. Like I’ve done at least a dozen times before. Everything has changed.”

Eddie has the decency to look embarrassed, his big brown eyes watering up before he blinks the moisture away. Steve can’t help but want those tears to fall, to see some sort of emotion that comes close to Steve’s own. After a decade of thinking about this moment, Steve is lost in a sea of overwhelm, unable to doggy paddle effectively. He wants so much, it’s hard to process what’s actually happening.

Though, he eventually gets himself together enough to ask the question burning up his mind. “Why did you pick up now? I’ve called plenty of times when you were in town before. The phone just rang and rang until the operator popped on to tell me I’m an idiot for calling a disconnected number. I’ve been listening to that recorded message so long it’s a comfort to hear.”

Steve isn’t ready for the sudden infiltration of his space but deals with it when Eddie takes up the couch cushion next to him. Their thighs are inches from touching, the heat between them tangible. Steve so desperately wants to lash out and push Eddie away, to return the treatment he himself received. Yet, the comfort of a familiar body next to him is too much to handle. The fight leaves Steve within seconds.

“Hop dialed for you last night. He put in Wayne’s new number and you finally got through. I don’t know why he waited so long to share it with you, Steve. I’m suddenly aware of a lot of things I didn’t know.”

The bubbling pit of sadness Steve deals with on a daily basis drops a little further into his stomach. The realization that Hop could have helped him long ago settles in, making Steve feel heavy. It takes a second or two to come to the understanding that though it hurt him, Hop was trying to protect Steve, too.

“He was trying to save me, I’m sure. From this,” Steve says, waving his hands back and forth between them. “I’m a very weak man but that’s nothing compared to the fall out that’s about to come. Now that you’re here, I see very clearly that I’m going to have to give you up again.”

Tears are falling down Steve’s cheeks long before he realizes it. His shirt, or maybe Eddie’s because it’s a touch too tight across the chest, is getting wet, the collar collecting his sadness by the second. Steve is too tired and wrung out to reach up and swipe at each traitorous one. Instead, he lets them flow.

A soft hand on his chin stops Steve’s spiral. Guitar calloused fingers are so recognizable it’s like they’re 20 again, touching for the first time. Though, that thought jolts Steve back to reality and he shifts away. Little tastes of things he’s never going to be able to keep aren’t good for him. He’s an addict that isn’t anywhere near following the path to recovery. This bump, this small little hit, it’s going to put him back years.

“Don’t do that, Eddie. Don’t touch me like it’s not going to kill me. Don’t pretend that you care.”

“I do care. I’ve cared since before Vecna came in and destroyed our lives. I left because I care, Steve. Why can’t you see that?”

A red flash of rage swims in Steve’s vision. He’s much to hungover to be having this conversation but it’s happening, nonetheless. Steeling himself, Steve says the things he’s wanted to since the separation occurred.  

“That’s bull shit. If you cared, you never would have left. You never would have turned your back on me.”

“Steve, you shut me out. I told you I needed to leave for your safety and mine. I said I had to go because this town doesn’t forgive or forget. We were getting death threats every day. You, me, my uncle – even the kids. I couldn’t put you guys through that anymore.” Eddie’s voice rises, his anger peaking. “You decided you weren’t going to talk to me anymore. That the distance between us was too big to handle.”

“Because I needed you! I needed you to be there for me. You left right after my parents did, abandoning me like them. You took off without asking me how I felt about it. I would’ve braved every single person in town who thought they had the right to say something to or about you. Hell, I punched that guy last night in the face because he let your name fall from his lips. You’re worth the fight, Eddie. Even now.”

Steve’s so lost in his anger and resentment that it’s impossible to continue. If he says another word or thinks another thought, Steve’s positive he’s going to explode. There’s so much he wants to scream in Eddie’s face but none of it matters. Eddie is crying and Steve, despite the time and baggage between them, can’t stand to see the sight. No matter how often he wished to cause Eddie the same pain Steve deals with daily, he can’t deal with the reality of it. Without thought, both of his arms wrap around Eddie’s shoulders and pull until they’re chest to chest, hugging each other tightly.

For now, it’s the only thing they can give to each other, unresolved issues be damned. Steve knows that by the way all the fight leaves Eddie’s body. He feels it in the squeeze Eddie gives him back. There is no resolution or simple answers in sight. After so long, there might never be.

Leaning into Eddie’s touch, Steve comes to the conclusion that this right here, coming back together after years of miscommunication and anger, is everything and nothing, the perfectly imperfect way things work out following desperate hurt and sadness that separated entities meant to exist as one. There’s no way of knowing what happens next but Steve is content to rest in Eddie’s arms.

There, he is safe.

There, Steve can feel whole again.

In the moment, that’s all Steve really needs.

tag list (message if you’d like to be added): @infinite-orangepeel, @thefreakandthehair, @corrodedcoughin, @prettyboisteveharrington, 

[mrsfezziwig]

KQ - The Reason Ateez Don't Win Awards: (Pt 1)

n.b.(Good God I am actually scared of what reaction this may get from other Atiny but I feel like it is something I really need to address!)

Ateez are incredible;

as humans, as a group, as vocalists and as rappers, but their stand out ability comes in the way they perform and dance. I have never seen a group like these eight men when it comes to their star power; all of them could probably be in The Demon Line now they have matured, especially Yunho, who feels more relaxed on stage, more intense and he is most definitely not holding himself back anymore (That YunGi clothes grab in the Wonderland tour version, anyone? This Mrs Fezziwig was fanning herself like a Georgian Regency lady with a hand fan and blaming it on her age - hot flushes, you know... Oof! ). But anyone with a braincell can look at the lack of acknowledgement of their talents in terms of end of year award show nominations and wonder what the hell is going on?! It is incredibly irritating when people who deserve to have their hard work and talents celebrated are passed over again and again.

Now, this is where I just know I am going to be side-eyed, possibly bombastically, because I need to make comparisons in order to make my points as this is only about my opinion, and things I see other Atiny discussing on socials. In addition everyone knows how close the members of these two groups are as friends, hence why I am risking my sanity to say it:

The Comparison - Stray Kids

What makes Stray Kids so well awarded isn't just their agency, which has absolutely helped, with their money, organisation and longevity in the idol industry, but there's also the fact that they have practically carte blanche when it comes to the music they make. No body on this good, green Earth can ignore the sheer genius that is 3RACHA and their most common producer, Versachoi, when it comes to their abilities to write, compose and produce their songs.

Every emotion in the human pantheon of feeling is out there in a song available for fans to discover from their catalogue. Their forte is the musical freedom all the members contribute to the group.

SKZ hits harder because they are performing their own emotion out in song and dance, having three geniuses in one group is fated, no one can ever tell me otherwise... However, Ateez doesn't have that extra layer of connection even though the boys are still insanely versatile and make it work.

That's not the fault of the members, BBTrippin or even on some level the collective Edenary, they're all being told the same thing by the agency. It lies in the fact that those at the top want it to be this way.

I don't say this as a diss against Edenary, and I have yet to find a skip song on their albums. It is all impactful, musically, there is nothing but hit after hit on those but the lyrics just aren't up to par. Guerilla was about a fictional revolution, Halazia was about a fictional revolution from the outsider perspective, Bouncy was about an, um... fictional revolution and Crazy For-... Yeah, I am going to stop here.

KQ CEO-nim, I respectfully say:

Holy Fuck... Drop the fucking storyline into the b-side! Yep, you heard me right - Drop. The. Fucking. Storyline. From. The. Title. Tracks! Plllleeeeaaaaasssseee?

I am pretty sure all the inhabitants of Dimensions A and Z, and how ever many other of these buggers are hiding in the mind of the planners, shall collectively gasp dramatically 'Blasphemy!'

What a cardinal sin to suggest such a thing!!! Pre-debut Atiny are clutching their pearls and Diary Version albums as I speak such foul utterances, wondering how I could possibly have the very cheek of it to say such a thing! Do you think the boys will be proud of the dramatic delivery here? 😂

Yes, there are some moving and heart-wrenching b-sides on Ateez albums that are ignored for the scale of interdimensional time Pirates, which makes it increasingly, painfully obvious that those emotions are rare in their title tracks. So, I will make the point I've been moving up to with the comparison:

KQ need to let loose the reins

I first encountered Ateez in my initial journey with kpop in 2021 and I was in my 'BTS got me hooked, Stray Kids toppled them with Hellevator from my focus, and Ateez seems interesting...' era

Being 38 I felt kinda like some sort of sicko for finding guys I could have birthed attractive and I still have twinges of this feeling occasionally. Thankfully, none of the 5th Gen children are anything other than cute little babies to me, ones that I want to tut at, throwing appropriate clothing their way and ground them for going out in such tiny skirts and dresses. As you can imagine, finding Deja Vu as my first Ateez song sent me screeching dramatically away from the group, hands flapping and looking for a man my age to hide behind [thank you, Rain; you were extremely helpful during my mid-life-ish crisis].

So I continued on my way along up the endurance hike that is the Stray Kids path, again feeling slightly creeped out at myself for buying Oddinary, but also in absolute awe at the music these eight guys made. I still don't have a fucking clue what their storyline is, although it is coming more into focus thanks to the most recent SKZFLIX but that's kinda positive as it allows for their flexibility in terms of what they say and how it's performed and perceived.

At the core, I like their lyrical content better than Ateez, purely due to the fact it's visceral in its emotional impact. With a leader like Bang Chan, I haven't been surprised to find so many amazing fans out there too. Older STAYs I chat with on Discord have been my rock and support as I admitted my feelings of discomfort at the age thing and we figured out it was my STBX husband and his reaction to my new found hobby and likes that left me feeling so icky.

With their help, I finally got the courage up to accept that we were done after 20 years and I haven't missed him except for one occasion [I was facing a general anaesthetic to have a massive abscess on my jaw drained, all alone in a hospital about an hour from home with nobody at all to hold my hand] since he left in March. Every time I faced a backwards step emotionally because of my Ehler-Danlos Syndrome and my limitations, they were there to check on me.

This community is what makes Kpop the best rabbit hole I ever plunged into - stay away from Twitter (No, Elon, it isn't called 'X', it's called Twitter!) and the fans are such magnificently, genuine hearted people who just get me! For the first time in my life my sense of humour wasn't misinterpreted and rather slotted into place like this was where I was meant to be all along. When I found this tribe I was so lonely it was frightful, and it's only by being who I am today with their love and support I can look back at that version of myself and cry for her desperation and black-fog draped soul.

99% of the people in that chat are actually StayTiny, and they were discussing Halazia, insisting I really need to watch the MV. So I did, and as thankful I am for BTS getting me into Kpop and Stray Kids for finding me at my lowest then giving me my coping song in Voices, Ateez overtook them all in one MV. There is something about these guys that I connected with. That began my twisted path in April 2023 in learning names, songs and personality types that lead me to December and the drop of Crazy Form. Yet they may now be my Ult group, Stray Kids are my foundation in the world of idols. And no, I still can't handle Deja Vu no matter how many times I have tried to make it happen. So far I can get to the end of Yunho's opening but I can't take San with that haircut and eyebrows without cringing and backing out, which means I've progressed beyond the sexual feel of the song and am now firmly entrenched in 'Second-hand Embarrassment Station'.

Ateez could be much bigger if...

Despite the connection I found with these seven crackheads plus Jongho, instantly was thrown off by the incessant focus on the story of Ateez and dimension hopping, wondering where they were, as in where were the personal stories; the freedom of expression and grounding focus of reliving your experience in music?

If the story came in the form of a novel, I would be pre-ordering that shit off Amazon faster than I pre-order SKZ and Ateez albums. And I am not alone in this sentiment. After five years in the industry, these guys aren't newbies, they have the experience to handle the responsibilities of writing their own songs with guidance from Edenary and creating their own choreo alongside BBTrippin.

Hearing how the agency weaves the lore into every single MV and title track, I felt angry. I still am and am likely to always be, because if they let up and allowed the boys to display their joy, sorrow, happiness and agony in their songs and choreo, Ateez would be even greater, they'd be a force to be reckoned with particularly in the international market where they just work already. This is where BTS and Stray Kids have Ateez beat.

international fans have come to expect that the music is written and produced by the members of a group. Sure this could be argued as being a side effect of BTS getting so big, it's also a factor no one should discount.

Now, I shall move onto the part I love most: 'saying shit 'people who don't have a genetic pain disorder and who still have two flying fucks to give' won't...

The agency is responsible for the lack of mainstream recognition in terms of awards and fans because that oomph 3RACHA pour into their music is where the disparity lies.

With performers like the eight men in Ateez imagine them being up there on the VMAs stage getting all the praise... And the viral Taylor Swift reaction to match... Her reaction to Chan was just so relatable after all (be still my Swiftie/STAY/Atiny manic heart). I can't lie, the thought of them never being recognised in the mainstream before it's too late and they disband to focus on solo careers makes me tear up. Oh, that's so dramatic of me is what people who don't know Ateez will think,

'Ewwww... it's not that deep 🙄! Go touch some fucking grass and stop being so saesang coded' { Bitch, if I could go outside without dislocating my hip, I'd still be an Archaeologist! Is that enough grass and mud for you all?}

With a massive 'Wooyoung-thicc, baby-girl-twerking' ass BUT(t):

The thing is, it actually is that deep.

I am sick of spending comeback day piecing together the story point instead of looking at the video and lyrics and it's meaning. Which invariably is about the destruction of the dystopian universe. Don't Stop did the story telling in a way that made sense for what the video portrays and it works real fucking well (plus Mingi? Oooh, damn boyyy!). We understood it because it was all there to be found!

Imagine having that every comeback day, the 'falling out of bed at 5am to match KST' would be so much more enjoyable because there isn't any depth to plunder, it would be a {most definitely not} straight shooting banger or bopper or tear-mopper of a track, ALMOST ENTIRELY written and produced by the members for us to enjoy on repeat. Then a few days later the Edenary b-side/s with all the storyline desired would drop and we would be mentally prepared to disect every second of it because our thirst would have diminished to the 'reasonably manageable when those eight beautiful men plus San's chocolate bar abs are in the world' level.

Whilst I intended to make all my points in one post, I will split it up because of the length it's going to be... To be continued...

[nineofmeee]

Responsibility, Arrogance, Tolerance. A Dresden Dolls essay from a black girl.

On July 20th, 2022, I was confronted with the shocking consequence of my actions. That day I left a comment below one of the Dresden Dolls posts. The post was a poster for one of their upcoming return tours and in response, I commented a hilarious and creative comment that showed my excitement for this announcement and the love I had for the duo.

Nineofmee: "Big day for racists!

In a SHOCKING turn of events, I was banned from their Instagram account, and still feel this sting to this day....."Why did I do that?" I thought. "What did I learn from this experience?" I questioned...

"How should I feel about the Dresden Dolls?"

The Dresden Dolls, Pioneers of the dark cabaret/punk-cabaret scene in the early 2000s, were represented by Amanda (fucking) Palmer and Brian Viglione. The two of them performed for many years and released two full-length LPs an EP and live albums galore. The duo frequented hiatus for personal and career purposes causing their activity as the Dresden Dolls to be far and in between, but in 2020 when they officially announced their reunion and are currently playing shows all around. The social climate they left in the 2010s would not be one they'd return to in the 2020s because something shifted when it came to the Dresden Dolls name; something they didn't have an abundance of before that they now have.

A spotlight.

"Plus my only natural talents wasted on my alcoholic friends.."-The Dresden Dolls.

TikTok is a double-edged sword. Through all the corruption and bad media overstimulation that the brains of millions around the world experience, the app allows once unheard-of artists to be readily available and gain some traction, boosting their careers. This is exactly what Amanda and Brian found themselves benefiting from. My Alcoholic Friends spread like wildfire on a specific side of the app and introduced many people to the Dresden Dolls.

Not far after, another Amanda Palmer project gained traction around TikTok to...let's call it "mixed reviews", and from this many people got more interested in the question of who Amanda Palmer was outside of the Dresden Dolls, and up from the depths of the internet came;

WARNING! I WILL BE GOING INTO OLD AND ACKNOWLAGED CONTROVERSIES HERE! GIVE ME A SECOND TO EXPLAIN WHY I BRING THIS UP!

"Fuck the police comin' straight from the underground A Young n**** got it bad 'cause I'm brown And not the other color so police think..."-N.W.A

N.W.A, a hip-hop group from Compton, California sings about police brutality from the perspective of being African-American men in America...and Amanda Palmer also sings along for some fucking reason. It was in 2009 when Amanda Palmer started to perform these ukelele covers and at the time apparently; she was not aware she should probably not say the N-word as a white woman? Amanda Palmer has a long statement on her blog apologizing for her arrogance surrounding the use of this racial slur, but here's where I want to flip this post to be a little less of an essay and more of a personal statement.

As a black woman, I do not forgive her arrogance.

Amanda Palmer has apologized and I'm not asking for anything with this post here, I'm just simply conceptualizing my feelings. Amanda Palmer in a video interview talks about her feelings about being flamed on the internet and her feelings on "Radical Compassion" What is Radical Compassion? Well, it is the idea that "even in the moment when you strongly disagree with someone (ect...) you have to approach every last motherfucker with a massive dose of compassion knowing that they're just as human as you..." Kindly, I think this excuse to deflect full responsibility. Even in her blog she says and "this is to remind you that nothing progresses within a vacuum, that we are in a relationship. we are a unit, you and me.." If this isn't to shame her audience or deflect blame then, why bring up other people in your apology? Also, Amanda Palmer is notorious for not hearing people out in her career, standing on her opinions as strong as a cement pole. I will forever continue to acknowledge their music, their history, their impact on my life, but I don't think it is fair to be asked to not be angry about this. If Amanda Palmer didn't understand it's impact then why did she add it to her song Guitar Hero where she uses it in a derogatory to prove a point about how much the word weighs? If Amanda Palmer didn't understand it's impact why would she change the inflection of the word from an "a" suffix to an "er" suffix? How punk and non-racist are you if you don't think and reflect on that maybe a little bit. Black people aren't here to educate you on what you should and shouldn't be saying, google it. Lear history. Use your privilege. Don't be arrogant.

What does this have to do with The Dresden Dolls?

Amanda Palmer is half of the band, I support the band I support Amanda. I don't want to directly finance her, but i struggle to ignore her importance to me. She was someone really important to me but, i am so sick of being told by people to forgive them for mistakes surrounding my race, my person, she's aware of her actions, she isn't a child. 2015 was the last time she performed this cover and embarrassed herself in front of her fans. It isn't OUR JOB to educate you. That, in a whole is where I stand.

Thanks for reading this and, please comment any comments that pop in to your mind! I love to further conversations and challenge my own opinions! In the words of Amanda Palmer; "I talk, you listen. We're a unit," except I'm not saying slurs I shouldn't say and trying to deflect the blame.

Cited Sorces: “Amanda Palmer on Abortion, Cancel Culture, and Australia’s Bushfires | Junkee.” YouTube, YouTube, 5 Feb. 2020, www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN9JtncxF5o&t=1s. “On Racism, Words, Art, Time and Progress.” Amanda Palmer Blog, 22 June 2020, blog.amandapalmer.net/racism-words-art-time-progress/.

[taesenigma]

illicit affairs | taekook

pairing : top!taehyung x bottom!jungkook (ft. jimin)

genre : idol au, infidelity au, acquaintances to lovers, cheating au, taehyung having a daddy kink, usually shy jungkook is a sassy bottom, oral (both receiving), smut (a little bit), anal (both receiving), angst, fluff, messy breakup au, 18+🔞

trigger warnings : infidelity, same sex smut, mentions of abuse and r@pe

summary : it began in beautiful rooms...but will they let it end up in parking lots? it was just illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing stares. he made him reach his ecstasy, showed him the different colours through his kaleidoscope and taught him a language only they understood. but, could it ever be more? could it be real?

a/n : i have been hearing too much of t.swift's folklore album and i'm obsessed with this song. so, i recommend listening to the song illicit affairs and also, high infidelity (midnights) by taylor swift while reading this.

note : this is all fiction. i don't support cheating or infidelity in real life. also, taehyung and jungkook are actual people and i do not claim to know them personally. so, their personalities might be totally different in here from what they are in real life. if you're new to this fandom, please don't think that this is how they really are. get to know them before you read it.

PROLOGUE - COCKTAIL PARTY

"Fancy seeing you here, Kim Taehyung. I thought you hated anything bitter.", Jungkook approached him at the bar. "This was unavoidable. You must be well aware why." Jungkook chuckled as he seated himself at the bar, ordering another drink. Unless you had a wish to terminate your career in the kpop industry, you attended Rain sunbaenim's cocktail parties. The two men didn't talk much the entire evening. But no matter how much Jungkook tried to ignore the gorgeous man sitting beside him the entire evening, he felt himself sneaking furtive glances at the composed individual sipping his drink gracefully.

"Jeon Jungkook, you're a difficult man to find these days. Seeing as to how you're our rising star, the industry's very own Golden Boy.", Rain himself came over to the bar to address the shy man. "Sunbaenim, I love the party. And I'm always available to attend your parties, you know that.", Jungkook said effortlessly with a young boyish smile. Rain seemed to be pleased with the answer as he moved on to Taehyung.

"I thought you'd be a no-show at this party too. After all, you couldn't be bothered to show up at the rest of them.", he accused Taehyung as he signalled the bartender for a drink. Taehyung merely sipped on his drink casually while Jungkook watched in gross fascination as to how he had the nerve to make their sunbae wait for an answer. "I simply know where my best interests lie at." "You never change, Kim Tae. The same cunning.", Rain chuckled, not offended at all by the blunt answer as he began talking about the stock market economics which Jungkook decided to tune out.

Perhaps, that was the exact moment he'd pinpoint when he had felt a sort of fascination – no, attraction – for Kim Taehyung, the man two years older than him, known for his voice from which honey notes dripped, literally. But, he also had the notorious reputation of being a player which caused Jungkook to be a bit weary of him. "Earth to, Jeon. Sunbae's been calling on you for the past 5 minutes.", Taehyung's voice invaded his personal thoughts as his eyes shot up to his questioning sunbae's gaze.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's been a stressful week.", Jungkook apologised softly as he immersed himself into a conversation with Rain. Now, it was Taehyung's turn to admire the youngest star in the industry. He felt himself wanting to capture those perfectly shaped gorgeous lips within his teeth. To make those doe eyes stare up at him in fascination and have sinful moans fall from those lips as he fucked his pert little hole...

At that moment, he felt something twitch between his legs as such sinful thoughts erupted in his mind. Feeling his cheeks turning maroon and blood rushing to his crotch, he felt it best to excuse himself and take care of his little situation in the restroom. "Excuse me, sunbae. I have to leave early tonight.", he said in a composed voice even though his heart was racing and his dick pulsating painfully.

"Oh boy! You haven't even seen my grand finale for the evening yet!", he grumbled. "Perhaps next time, hyung. I have a situation at present.", he said with a shrug although he fixed his dark gaze on the boy sitting beside his sunbae, as if it was his fault that he was going through this predicament.

"Well, it can't be helped now, can it?", Rain said with a small frown on his crestfallen face to which Taehyung merely shrugged and gave Jungkook another pointed look to which Jungkook bit his bottom lip, making Taehyung's head spin imagining himself to be the one biting down on Jungkook's luscious lips.

Mumbling something, he left the bar and almost sprinted towards the restroom and unbuckling his jeans, pulled out his red pulsating dick and tried stroking it to the image of the blonde guy he was dating. "Um.....Taehyung?", a meek voice sounded at the entrance of the doorway. Taehyung's eyes shot up to encounter a shy and timid Jungkook standing at the doorway.

Taehyung's smirk returned to his face as he began stroking himself in front of the boy. "Having fun seeing the crime you've committed, huh? Pretty boy likes looking at dick, doesn't he?", Taehyung shot the words at Jungkook who looked utterly taken aback. "I-I'm sorry...", Jungkook muttered as he averted his gaze from Taehyung's dick.

"Want to help solve the problem, pretty boy?", Taehyung questioned as Jungkook's shocked gaze met Taehyung's teasing and manipulative one. "I-I....do you want me to?", he asked instead. Taehyung shrugged and gave him a knowing smile.

A smile he had seen endless number of people falling prey to. And Jungkook was no different.

[luxpenumbra]

ugh ohmygod so I saw this post and it made me so mad that I simultaneously wanted to reblog it just to rant in the tags and to not reblog it so that I could avoid sharing it with /more/ people

listen. music is universal. when a singer, songwriter, producer, lyricist, musician, team puts something out into the world, there may be emotions that they are trying to put into it. They will draw on these emotions as they perform and edit and refine this thing they are making. There may be a story they are trying to tell, an experience they are trying to communicate, and this may not be straightforward; there is a level of abstraction between conceptualization and realization that I am convinced exists to some level in all pieces of art like this. This is not a flaw; this is marvellous. When I the listener interact with a song, or an album, or an artist's entire body of work - the emotions that I feel and the story that is conveyed to me may be just. absolutely different from the artist's intentions and their own experience. It may resonate with me in an entirely different way than intended; it may resonate with someone else in a separate, distinct, discrete way. My and others' awareness of the artist and any context they have made clear may play a part in this or it may not; it depends on how I interact with music and how readily available this information is.

All this is to say: the only fucked up thing with this whole gaylor shit is the part where people are convinced that their interpretation of her music and the way it resonates with them indicates some fundamental truth about her identity. The only person who knows that is her and frankly it's none of anyone else's business and it's probably not that interesting anyway. But!!! this does not mean that her music cannot resonate with someone's experience of queerness!!!! It is story and song and a vehicle for emotion, and the details that make something sing true to someone's life and values are not pinned to the artist's "true identity" like a fuckin. butterfly to a corkboard. there is VALUE and DELIGHT in being aware of some additional dimension of queerness by virtue of the singers intentions or identity or whatever but that's a fucking BONUS you NIMRODS the only thing you need is a heart to feel things and a song to feel them about it's about YOU and how you interpret things. you change things just by existing!!! the only person to experience a song the way you do is YOU!!! "if I wanna listen to gay music I'll listen to gay ppl singing about gay sex" good for you!! but what a sad and limited life you must lead to need the significance and meaning of art spoonfed to you by author bios.

AND THEN. fucking condescending ass AAAAAAAH listen. christian rock can slap. i say this as someone who is markedly not christian. and even if you don't think it slaps that's fine. but the fact that someone's out here going "oh poor limited babies who've never listened to real proper good music before projecting sasanaru onto christian rock because they've never known anything else" grow uppppp!!! first of all!!! nobody. NOBODY. is out here saying 10,000 reasons by matt whatever is about sasuke and naruto kissing. you know this in your heart of hearts, just like you know deep down that there is VALUE in eking out meaning in places where you don't expect to find it, and in places that have some connection to the earliest parts of you. (and even if you aren't doing this, aren't interacting with the context of the music and its genre, see above re:universal fucking language). you've probably done it before. it's tumblr, land of transformative works and webweaving of course you have. how limited in scope must you be to think that people who listen to a genre you don't value but who are also queer or something must be just poor deprived children, limited in resource, waiting for that next evolution i'm gonna weep. anyway listen to relient k cowards

[anddreadful]

full thoughts on frank wildhorn’s dracula having re-watched it in its entirety for the first time in many years:

- I watched a recent upload of an (american) community theater production, specifically because a) its sound quality was surprisingly good and b) my recent interest is because a local theater is putting it on, so given the opportunity, I wanted to see whatever version of the show is currently available for north american licensing

- the production was charming but the community theater (technically dinner theater! I went on a google hunt to find the theater and it’s only two hours from me lmao) was community-ing so I can’t really write home about the acting. or the singing although mina had a nice voice

- the one place I will dunk on the production is how hilariously chaste mina and dracula were. the biting scene was notably stiff and un-suggestive of sex despite taking place on a bed. maybe one of the actors wasn’t comfortable with doing anything more, but they had only one kiss, and it was so late in the show and such a teeny little dry peck on the lips that I hollered. at that point just don’t do it and pretend theirs is an ~intellectual connection or something

- dracula did do a creepy hair-petting thing to both renfield and Mina that I was a big fan of

- “if loving you keeps me alive, then how can leaving me be right?” is such a funny lyric. dirtbag manipulative boyfriend dracula

- I knew not all the songs were on the studio cast recording, but I had forgotten HOW MANY songs aren’t on it. where is How Do You Choose? If I Could Fly? It’s Over????? I had fully forgotten there was a life after life reprise. I was obsessed with the studio cast recording in high school and I know all those songs by heart (except for a perfect life because I think it’s bad) and now i’m like. why was I gatekept from so many of the songs!! why is there no professional english recording of Its Over!! answer me frank!!!!!

- this is not a new thought per se but a) I so love that all the suitors are present and themselves b) this show squanders them. jack has no personality whatsoever (I would trade TWO mina ballads for a jack song please I beg), arthur gets needlessly dunked on, and quincey is delightful and incredible and also narratively extraneous given that he doesn’t kill dracula or die at the end

- on that note, though, I cannot believe they included quincey being the first person to promise mina to kill her if the time comes in a book-accurate version of that scene. even the 1992 version doesn’t do that!!!! and this is basically just an adaptation of that movie!!!!! is this the ONLY dracula adaptation to include that detail? it’s a top five book moment for me so I very literally love to see it

- I understand that we had to beef up van helsing as a character SOMEHOW but was a dead wife song really the best we could come up with

- there are too many sad slow songs in this show for what it’s trying to accomplish! some of them immediately on top of each other! and some of the songs distinctly go on for just one too many verses 😭

- does the mina/ dracula romance make any sense? no. does the show make any effort whatsoever to make it? no. am I into it anyway? yeah. fuck it. I have terrible taste and so i think dracula as a disembodied voice like HI? HELLO? DON’T IGNORE ME? and mina being like “unfortunately, i’m into it” rocks

- “She Devil, Nosferatu” and “the lady in white” from that other dracula concept album are both so superior to “undead one, surrender” I almost feel bad for Frank and co there, but “the master’s song”, “life after life”, and “deep in the darkest night” still fucking slap

- the train hypnotism scene was soooo good except for the part where mina did dracula’s accent. not sure if that’s standard but I wish we hadn’t done that

- i’m not THAT well versed in musical theater as an art form and also all art is derivative etc but i do know that wildhorn has been historically criticized for derivativeness and…… yeah! you can tell where he mimics sondheim, and it doesn’t work because you can’t casually mimic sondheim and get out alive. i can’t think of the moment but there was some bit of music I could have sworn was out of Phantom, and it’s obviously a big general inspiration. not to be Boss Baby Guy but I see a lot of Les Mis DNA in it too (what is It’s Over if not The Confrontation in a goth hat)

- the dialogue between songs is serviceable at absolute best, and it’s a shame that it’s so consistently sacrificed at the altar of moving the plot the fuck along. for the most part, only mina and dracula meaningfully connect via song, so it would be nice to use the dialogue to flesh out relationships more often. lucy and mina being besties is a highlight!!!

- ultimately i had a blast but it must needs be said: the show is not good. the best possible execution of “literally just the novel dracula but dracula and mina are having a secret tragic love affair” is probably what we get in the 1992 dracula movie, and if there’s a way to translate that to stage well, it’s not this shallow, silly speedrun. but again. this trash is my trash. the painted cardboard castle of bad dracula adaptations is where i live.

- I actually think it would be really interesting to be involved in a production only because to make these characters function in terms of acting, I think you’d have to invent and extrapolate a lot in terms of motivation and characterization to supplement the text. which would be fun for me, a person who thinks about versions of dracula characters all the time already