#also yes to the point about him not trying to repair their relationship anymore; i agree

[lloydfrontera]

meh they made og!lloyd likeable and ksh!lloyd detestable in the webtoon and as if i would enjoy that when ksh!lloyd is the lloyd i like and the webtoon just keeps butchering him to a ugly face meme repetition. in the novel, og!lloyd keeps on complaining and blaming ksh!lloyd, the grim reaper scene removed og!lloyd's 'oh moment' of understanding that 'HE' was doesn't whi really didn't do anything but get angry at being in a tiny barony, that he decided to go to hell himself, after a year of seeing ksh!lloyd's action, also the novel keeps emphasizing ksh!lloyd's guilt at replacing og!lloyd which the webtoon just ignored all together, even removing when the demons get crushed and killed by the lava giant, which will later remove ksh!lloyd giving a monument to them which is another key character trait of ksh!lloyd, that he respects the dead, another thing that the webtoon removed ksh!lloyd's idea of using the centipede shells for railroad, also i wonder if webtoon!javier would still say they are at fault for being noisy to the lava giant when in the novel the lava giant killed thousands, nope just really tired of the direction the webtoon went on it was fun in the beginning but not anymore

YUP couldn't have put it better nonnie!

both ep 116 and 117 are guilty of this, but the latter really did make lloyd a lot more unlikable than he's supposed to be. and also that's kinda the problem with making og lloyd more sympathetic, more often than not you end up making everyone else look worse by comparison.

making him less of an asshole makes it look like everyone else was exaggerating by being afraid of him or despising him, but no!! they were totally justified with the way he acted! that's the point of his character!! he fucked up!! he fucked up so bad and so thoroughly he completely ruined every relationship he had and it took someone outright replacing him to repair the damage!! because he never would've done it himself! had he been left to his own devises he would've continued mistreating and abusing everyone around him and finally would've drank himself to death. it's no even speculation, that's literally what happened in the original novel!

lloyd knows this!! and he still feels guilty about replacing him! that's why he tried to help him! yes, part of it is because of his affection to arcos and marbella, but most of all comes from him feeling genuinely bad about taking his place! even tho he knows og lloyd would've died anyway!

it's,,, not good. when you make your protagonist more unlikable than he was in the original source. i cannot believe it has to be said at all but. that's not what an adaptation should do omg

also yes to your points about the lava giant! it wasn't just going to kill lloyd (something javier should've definitely be completely against anyway) but also it was completely decided to kill absolutely everyone. every single demon it came across. it wasn't just raising a reasonable complaint, it was on a killing rampage against people that had no real say on what was being done. javier would've never sympathized with that!

plus they completely changed that lloyd thought about abandoning the project in that area and going somewhere else to not disturb the giant and only started fighting and trying to run when he realized the lava giant wouldn't stop until it had killed everyone off. they just made him go straight into killing a creature that was trying to get rid of the noise he was creating. terrible choice i hated it lmao

for every good thing i have to say about the webcomic there's at least five bad things more i can talk about. but that's not fun for anyone so i keep most of them to myself. thank you for giving me a chance to let some of them out ashdksa

[bonesandthebees]

Alright let's see if I can still analyse stuff in a coherent manner.

So the first thing that strikes me is Wilbur's questioning of himself about why he's even bothering to keep up the rule of not letting anyone see his face. Everything is adding up slowly but surely to Wilbur possibly going 'fuck it, I don't care anymore' and showing Tommy his face (not his eyes, I don't think he's at the 'the curse is a lie' stage) but after what happens later in this chapter, it is 100% a possiblity.

On his side of their dynamic, Wilbur is almost completely dependent on Tommy. This chapter is the most amount of time that he has spent apart from Tommy and he is an absolute mess because of it which is understandable. Tommy is the only real attachment that Wilbur's had since he was a child and they care about each other when really they should be at each other's throats. Wilbur is friendly with rocketduo yes but all of his interactions with them also have Tommy there as a buffer. Since leaving the palace, Tommy has been the one constant and that is definitely a healthy relationship to have (no, no its not but we move on regardless).

On Tommy's side, he has always had other people to fall back on. Phil and Techno obviously care very much for Tommy and he still talks to them when he's not around Wilbur. While his relationship with Tubbo has fallen apart over Wilbur, Ranboo and Aimsey both don't seem to hold any sort of ill will towards either of them. They just don't talk to them because they're friends with Tubbo; Ranboo doesn't have the spine to go and talk to them even if he did want to and Aimsey is too nice to do it somewhat regularly. I think that their appearance later in the chapter was the result of them building themself up to actually do it, Tommy's absence and Tubbo's curiosity regarding it was the perfect opportunity for them to take advantage of that but I've gone way off topic. Either way, it's still very clear that Tommy doesn't really have a relationship with his friends anymore because they had no idea he was gone on a supply run. While they still care very deeply for him, they've chosen sides and both Tommy and Tubbo are too stubborn to try and repair it because of the nature of what they disagreed on.

The point of that whole tangent was that the number of people that Tommy has outside of Wilbur has shrunk significantly since his arrival at their temple. He still has people but he lost his three closest friends over his defence of Wilbur, something that I don't think anyone understands because why would they? I don't think even the two of them understand what the fuck is going on there. So when Tommy and Jack return and Jack is obviously freaked out, going on about how Tommy tried to fucking kill him, that last thread of people that Tommy has outside of Wilbur is cut.

Phil and Techno, for as much as they love Tommy, are not going to unconditionally protect or side with him if he is in the wrong. Not like Wilbur is going to. Wilbur essentially becomes the last person that Tommy has in the temple and the limited amount of people that Wilbur had are gone as well. Wilbur and Niki's bonding in this chapter, as much as I loved it, is immediately going down the drain which is evil.

["You know, you and Tommy remind me of me and Jack in a way."] Both duos click with each other but this also just shows that when it comes down to it no matter how well Wilbur and Niki get along with each other, they will side with their boy. It makes sense but it is so sad because they were just really getting along as well. Sure, they had their moments before and obviously they liked each other but they had Jack and Tommy, the two loudest people in the temple, leading the conversations and they never really got the chance to spend time together one on one.

I'm really interested in seeing how Niki and Wilbur are in the next chapter, they're not going to be besties unfortunately but Wilbur knows about how she joined the Deathlings now and Niki knows his name and that he never wanted to be the Pythia so they're at a strange point where they care about each other, they opened up to each other but the two people that they care about most are probably never going to make up and they are choosing opposite sides because that is where their loyalties are.

I don't think Niki would tell everyone Wilbur's name, that is not at all her style unless he does some serious messed up shit in the immediate aftermath but I doubt he will.

So this begins the tried and true 'crimeboys have no one but each other and become extremely codependent because of it' arc.

Fuck this is going to be rough but I'm looking forward to how you go about it this time.

1/2

- 🦈

considering how protective wilbur is getting of tommy, you think he's gonna risk cursing him?? no way. but showing him his face however... yeah, he's getting there :)

yeahhh this chapter really shows just how codependent they've become. it was bound to happen because of wilbur's own past and never really having the chance to make human connections like this before, and also there's the whole thing with tommy having to be constantly by his side at all hours of the day, and how for a while in the early days tommy was just about the only person he would even be willing to talk to.

tommy has slowly been isolating himself from a lot of his other friendships without even realizing it, and i'm glad you picked up on it!! yes, he still has techno and phil because even if he tried to pull away (which he wouldn't) they would yank their boy right back. those two raised him. he's not going anywhere lol. but tubbo is complicated because of their disagreement, and ranboo and aimsey have mostly just been caught in that awkward in between place when two friends in the group are in an argument, except tommy has made no attempts to get them on his side so of course they've just stuck with tubbo. but aimsey DOES want to talk to the pythia because they think he's interesting!! and they're also worried about him after the whole 'should we kill him' debate and they wanna check in to see if he's okay. so yeah, tommy's absence gave them the perfect opportunity to do that.

yup. with this new development with jack though, more ties have been cut. phil and techno won't let tommy just get away with shit, but again, he's their kid. so there might be some distance for a short while, but at the very least i can promise tommy won't completely lose phil and techno. everyone else though... ehhh it remains to be seen.

that's what i wanted to emphasize with the story and everything! even if they're good friends, niki and wilbur are both always going to side with their respective bestie. which of course makes things disastrous only a few hours later when tommy and jack show up at the temple again.

codependency lets goooooo

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

Japan was mostly a tributary state of minimal significance to China. So their r/ship wasn't as close as Hima depicts. Kiku as a lonely island nation perceived the relationship to be closer. Post-WW2, he knows that his greed/violence push their relationship to the point of no return; the damage is done. He also thinks China regards him with schadenfreude in the way he was defeated and his now stagnant economy. Having a conversation will just remind him of that, so he just doesn't bother lol.

This is referring to my tags on this post for context

Thank you for the interesting ask anon! Could you recc some articles/provide some more context for China’s view of Japan historically? Idk much about that (specifically how China perceived Japan) so I can’t say for sure what their relationship was. However, I think a lot of the canon strips have China as the one romanticizing/trying to further their r/ship, whereas Japan was the one distancing himself? In particular I’m thinking about that strip where Japan denies he’s China’s brother in front of Tibet and Yao gets kinda mad. So idk how much canon supports that Japan feels close to China; historically that’s a whole other conversation (without further research, my view on their ancient relationship is that Japan looked to China as a sort of mentor and saw him as a neighbor and a powerful influence he needed to get on the good side of, while China saw Japan as another one of those little upstarts who should recognize his power and bow to him if they had any sense of self preservation. I think (?) most of the time they would have been relatively amicable, especially while Japan was importing many Chinese structures of government and culture, but over time grew more distant and then broke into sporadic war, but at that point they weren’t much more than neighbor-acquaintances).

And you are 100% correct about the damage done to their relationship after WW2 and the feelings of schadenfreude with China; I also agree that Japan would avoid conversation about what’s come to pass between them but as I said in the tags, it might not be avoidable if China deliberately brings it up. As you said, Yao’s got the definitive upper hand in the argument, and I think part of him relishes how the tables have turned and wants to inflict that feeling on Japan; it’s still slightly painful for China to think about (but the overwhelming feelings he has are shame, humiliation, and anger) and he doesn’t bring it up more than necessary, but it’s satisfying in a twisted way to know he’s sort of won in the end, and gotten a measure of revenge? In that case,,,, Kiku doesn’t have many options and he’d probably just sit there and bear it as best he can.

[onlyplatonicirl]

Errink word waterfall for no reason

I think when you really analyze just how absolutely fucked Errink can be, it becomes a very interesting dynamic

I know a lot of people who write them in super healthy nice relationships, and there's nothing wrong with that, fluff heals the soul.

But let's assume we're going off their more canon-ish personalities, and see logically how that plays out.

(This may lean a bit into personal interpretation so if you don't think its accurate, remember im not comyet or CQ and errink isn't canon anyways lololol. I just love my hypotheticals.)

Ink is driven mostly by his drive to stay alive, to feel emotion, and to not be forgotten. He wants validation, he treats emotions and feelings like a drug, and will seek them out anywhere he can find them. This state of soullessness can occasionally drive him to make morally unethical decisions in his pursuit of feeling and entertainment. It is not out of bounds to call him selfish at all. He is extremely selfish, whether he wants to admit it or not. His emotions can impact who he is as a person. Most of his life he's aroace but if he downs a vial of pink stuff then he'll have love hearts in his eyes because he doesn't work the same way people with souls do. He is at the whim of his paints, and while he can keep himself stable, he can also mentally alter his state of mind however he pleases, which is an incredibly scary ability.

(Side note: When i wrote the tcoti chapter when ink was acting like a lunatic over error, I had a few people be like "Lorel this feels out of character, Ink wouldn't behave like that." YES!!! That is extactly the point!!!! He has full control over his own emotional state, and therefore his mental state. He can manipulate himself into a wildly different person if he so chooses, and he literally chose to douse himself in pink out of guilt to the point he could no longer think straight anymore and his whole thought process was clouded with an extreme, unnatural, and manic sense of obsessive love. Him being out of character was precisely the point, and something I absolutely love about Ink.)

Now moving onto Error:

Error is a manbaby, Error is incapable of a lot of empathy, and has this absolutely insane murderous mentality that literally results in mass deletions of entire universes and civilizations. His actions are absolutely monstrous, and I feel like a lot of fans overlook just how wildly evil a lot of his actions. Does he have an excuse? Sure - he's completely insane. Spending so much time in an anti-void that corrupts whatever's in it past repair can definitely have some ill affects on your mental health and world views. He cannot be touched, he cannot socialize with others without trying to intimidate them, and he does not have any friends. Well, anyone that he genuinely has a friendship with anyways besides generally tolerating. For the most part, he is alone, left to knit and watch TV. Despite his actions being abhorrent when it comes to his disregard of other character's lives, he's clearly not without feeling. He is shown to care about others on occasion, he does genuinely like a few people enough to not want to kill them, and he enjoys trash tv. He has a very distinct personality. He's not a complete monster, but is not really the most friendly and approachable guy either. Plus, not to mention what being alone for years and years on end can do to your social skills. Now put the two of them together.

Ink would find Error to be absolutely fascinating. Ink, when on a default emotional palette, is a pretty friendly guy, and really likes making connections. (Again, for selfish reasons of entertainment? Very possible.) Why wouldn't he want to make a connection with such an utterly unique character, one who's personality and morals are unlike any other he's come across? Error would hate him, of course he would - Ink directly interferes with his plans of absolute destruction, and Error interferes with Ink's. The two cannot coexist peacefully. They are each other's antithesis.

But imagine time passing. Years, decades. How long do you think Error can continue to sit in a white void of silence before it starts wearing him away? It's already sandpapered his mind into a mangled mess of what it once was, but no one can be alone for so long. Error never seems to make any progress destroying the universes. More pop up than he can destroy. Not to say he doesn't try - what else can he even do if not that? Even with his narcissistic and temperamental behavior, would it really be a stretch to say that he may eventually start to fade, to become lonely, to start rethinking the ideologies of destruction he's had since he can remember waking up in this blank space? Would it be out of character for him to begin to feel a gnawing at his soul, wondering what will become of him one day? a deeply subconscious craving for any type of positive presence in his life - a friend, a family, someone who loves him whether that be romantic, platonic, familial. Those with souls naturally wish to seek affection. There is only so long one can go spending their whole lives alone and without any type of affection or anything. How long can you spend knowing you are utterly despised by so so so many?

And Ink? He's found that spending time with Error has been emotionally fulfilling him in a way he never thought possible. new experiences combine emotions into something new, something more diverse and broad than simply "happy" or "sad" or "mad", like a elementary schooler's mood chart. He's found a comfort in someone who's outcasted and unique for it, just like he is. While they don't have the same problem, Error has no qualms with his lack of soul, just as Ink has no qualms with is horrid crimes. Ink gets hooked on this feeling of new emotional bonds. They're like the connecting of neurons that had not previously been attached, lighting up an entirely sperate pathway in a brain. It's addicting. So Ink wants to try something new. Something he's never tried before, and something he thinks will utterly shake the course of his world - an brand new form of enjoyment, to fill up the emotional void in his chest and fall back on his endearing opposite.

And Error, maybe Error's willing to go along with it, after spending so long alone, maybe he's just happy someone genuinely cares.

Ink promises him a happier life, one where he can be truly happy instead of truly being miserable. Error isn't entirely sure about it but agrees anyways. They both take it slow.

But underneath their relationship lies two extremely flawed, manipulative, and selfish creatures, sucking the life out of one another to stop the leaks in their own boats. And they're not quite sure if it's even working.

[awindylife-writes]

Sick

Relationships: 10th Doctor x reader (Not an established relationship)

Summary: the Doctor and you find yourselves on a spaceship in desparate need of repair and you are determined to help the crew (Kaisa, Lincoln and Bressa), but then the ship also gets highjacked. And on top of that, you fall sick.

Warnings: you're in mortal danger but that's it

You were standing by the big metal desk in the middle of the room, reading the numbers to Kaisa so he could type them in.

The digits kept swimming in your vision. They were blurry, everything was blurry, but they also kept moving. And when did it get so hot? You wiped the sweat from your forehead while trying to breathe deeply. You knew that if you looked up from the pad, the room would be spinning. The worst part was the tiredness. It coiled through your limbs and made them so heavy you could hardly move them. The effort to keep connecting letters and sounds, keep connecting thoughts hurt.

You closed your eyes for a second and the ship tilted so far you lost your balance. You stumbled back, eyes flying open and arms trying to reach out for something to hold onto.

Suddenly there were strong hands on your shoulder and the small of your back, steadying you. You looked up and recognized the dark orange skin and curly brown hair that was greying at the edges. Kaisa had caught you.

"Are you alright?" his gruff voice came to you.

"Yeah, yeah l'm okay." That sounded weak even to your own ears. "The ship just tilted."

"The ship's fine, love," he answered in confusion. You could see furrowed eyebrows, and then his dark golden eyes. You couldn't make out the wrinkles around them, or the lines on his forehead. Everything was blurry.

He put one hand around you to hold you up, then felt your forehead with the other. It was blessedly cold and you leaned into it with a sigh. "I think humans aren't supposed to be this hot," his worried voice came then.

You could hear Lincoln and Bressa turn around and step closer. You would have cracked a joke about drinks first if you weren't about to ask to sit down from exhastion. But you all had a job to do.

"I'm okay," you tried to reassure him. "Let's just get back to-" As you stepped away from Kaisa to shake his hands off, the ground rushed up and you barely caught yourself on the table. His arms were back, supporting you, before you could fall further. Shit.

"You're sick," Kaisa confirmed with a voice full of worry. He gently pulled you from the table and towards the wall. "Here, sit down," he told you softly and manouvered you to a stack of crates. He helped you sit on one and you rested your head on the taller pile.

"Thanks," you breathed gratefully and closed your eyes.This is nice.

On the other side of the room you could just hear Bressa order Lincoln, "Go get the Doctor. Tell him y/n's sick." Her voice was grave.

~

The Doctor had just recalibrated the fiberlinks of the navicomputer and was well on his way of taking apart the integral protonic bond when Lincoln reached him. The Doctor didn't even pull his head out of the ship's innards, much less stood up. "What is it?" He didn't have time for this.

"Your friend," the young man's distressed voice came. "She's sick."

That made worry explode in his chest. Ice spread through his veins as he hurriedly pulled himself out of the wiring. He hit his head on the way but that didn't matter, not when y/n was-

"What did you say?" the Doctor demanded in a low voice, eyes scanning the Tirellian crewmate.

"Y/n is sick." The Doctor marked every blink, every twitch, every line. He did not like the worried frown on Lincoln's face. He had gotten his answer.

The Doctor put the sonic back in his inner pocket and demanded, "Where is she?", voice forcibly calm but unrelenting. He picked up his coat as the young man turned to show the way, and off they went.

~

When your eyes were closed, you could almost pretend you were fine, but the fever, the heat in your skin was killing you. The box on your cheek and forehead had warmed up and provided no more relief.

You could feel even the darkness around you spin if you tried to think.

~

The Doctor ran into the room after Lincoln, trench coat billowing around him.

"Where is she?" he demanded in worry with his gaze searching the room.

"Over here." Kaisa stood up from behind the large metal table and pointed at the stack of crates beside the wall. He stepped back towards the others as the Doctor came to kneel before you with his coat scraping the floor. His hands hovered just inches above your skin.

"Y/n," he breathed quietly while looking you over. His hand settled on your arm. Scarlet cheeks, sweat - fever, eyes closed, leaning on the crate - exhausti-

You tiredly opened your eyes but you didn't lift your head. "Doct'r." The regret was already in your voice. "'M sorry. I should've-" Should have known the signs, should have slept more, should have eaten-

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he murmured softly, shaking his head. He rubbed your arm, his expression gentle and reassuring.

He took your hand and found your pulse point, which made butterflies flutter in your stomack despite the sickness. Then he lifted his other hand to your cheek. It was cold so you leaned into it, your eyes closing in content. You breathed deeply but it seemed like there was never enough air.

"You've definitely got a fever, about 39 degrees," he continued in that same soft tone. "And your heart is speeding up. How're you feeling?"

"Evr'thin's spinnin'," you told him tiredly, words a bit slurred. You tried to remember, but the things you were trying to describe made it hard to do that. "Couldn't stand up, Kaisa caught me. Couldn'read anymore, evr'thing was blurry'n moving. My head hurts, my eyes hurt, ever'thing hurts. An'l'm tired," you sighed. "I wanna go t'sleep."

"You will, l promise you will, but you need medicine first," he told you gently yet firmly. "It's the virus Tem, from Polon. We were there about four days ago, it's quite common for the planet, but it's dangerous." His brown eyes were full of worry. "If it's left untreated, as yours was, it can be deadly." He left the sentence hang in the silence after it.

You tried to shake your head but the motion caused more pain and you stopped. "So l'll get the meds and ll'l be fine," you told him tiredly. It didn't seem like much of a problem. You faced death on a daily basis, so what was a little virus?

"What do we do?" Kaisa stepped closer and looked down at the two of you, eyebrows furrowed in worry and hands crossed in front of his chest.

The Doctor moved closer and took you by the shoulders. "C'm on." He smiled encouragingly as he gently helped you stand up. You didn't like it, but the solution to this situation probably required moving.

You leaned against him and put your head on his shoulder as he helped you stay upright. The spinning did not help your stomack.

"Polonians have a vaccine, but it's far too late for that. You though, you three come from Kristella, is that right?" the Doctor looked around the room.

"Yeah," Kaisa nodded.

"So you receaved the whole med package there, including the VC five-six-o-nine."

"Yes."

"Good," he nodded, "bless the Kristellan med care. Your immune system knows the virus so you're not in danger. But you," he looked down at you, gritting his teeth, "are."

Well, that was a bit obvious.

He looked back up at Kaisa. "I want you to get her to the med bay. Give her Triskel two point three with a lot of water, she needs to stay hydrated, and then two shots of Amino when that's down, got it?"

"Yes," the large sailor nodded and stepped closer to take you. "And don't 'Got it' me, young man."

The Doctor opened his mouth to explain the whole Time Lord age thing when-

"I don't wanna go," you mumbled into his chest, pressing yourself closer. The room was spinning, you couldn't see well and you could barely stand. The thought of leaving him (he meant safe and good and you needed him) on this ship where anything could happen to you or him (who would look after him if not you?) made you want to sob.

He pulled away enough to look at you but still hold you. His eyes were soft. "I know," he told you gently and then frowned at the thought of letting you go, "l don't like this either." Every instinct in him flared against leaving you while you were sick and in need of him. He was Gallifreyan, and he protected what was his, even if you didn't know. "But you need medicine, and they need help rewiring the ship," he put it plainly. "I have to stay, and you have to go."

You nodded even though it hurt. He pulled you closer and for a moment, you just held each other.

"Stay safe," you said into his shoulder, almost an order. "Not a hair out of place, you hear me?"

You could feel him smile at the familiar tone. "Yes, ma'am."

It was time to go. You slowly let go of the Doctor as Kaisa came closer. He slung a hand around your waist while you put yours around his shoulders. It worked well, you could stay upright and move at the same time.

Then the whole ship shook like it was being torn apart and you were thrown against the table while Lincoln yelled in surprise. The Doctor and Kaisa kept you stable and unharmed between them, but the room looked like it had survived an earthquake.

"Are you alright?" The Doctor was franctically looking you over for injuries.

"What the hell was that?" demanded Bressa.

~

Kaisa didn't know what to do. You and him were locked in one of the main storage rooms, and they hadn't even let you get medicine. The large Risonians, two out of six who had highjacked the ship, simply came into the med bay and dragged you out before he could find anything to help you. You hadn't even gotten water.

All he could do was put his jacket under your head when you couldn't sit up anymore and hold your hand as you slipped into a restless sleep.

Then he noticed the computer log in the corner behind the crates. He could rewire it, send an altering pulse through the system... He looked at you as your head turned from one side to the other as you gasped for breath, mumbling nonsense in your sleep. Your fever was rising.

"Right then, love. I'm going to get help."

~

When the Doctor noticed Kaisa's message beeping under the log, he'd been momentarily confused. He'd made it very clear to the Risonians that you needed medicine and that he would do anything to make sure you got it, so why would they-

A second later, a pair of the hijacking crew came marching into the room with guns drawn. The Commander was as shocked as him when two of her people turned against her.

This was bad.

~

The Doctor walked into the storage room with his hands behind his head, with Bressa and Lincoln behind him. What remained of the Risonian crew had been locked into a separate room, to keep you all separated. His eyes immediately scanned the space for you.

When he turned the corner behind a high stack of crates, his hearts lurched. You were unconscious, lying on the floor with Kaisa holding your hand.

The Doctor was by your side in a second. Your skin was pale, but your cheeks were scarlet and your forehead glistened with sweat. You were mumbling in your sleep, your breaths laboured. Your head was turning restlessly in the throes of a fever dream. He took your warm hand and held it tightly.

"She was asking for you," Kaisa told him softly, eyes still trained on your face.

"What?" The Doctor's gaze flew to the larger man in confusion.

Kaisa looked up at him, "She was asking for you." He searched his eyes, for what, the Doctor didn't know. "Even after she couldn't answer me anymore, she kept asking for you in her sleep."

The Doctor felt like a hand had squeezed his hearts. It happened again, he did it again, you were in danger and it was his fault. He looked down at your closed eyes and scarlet cheeks. You were helpless, you needed him, and he couldn't do anything.

He brought your hand to his cheek and held it there with his palm as he closed his eyes. He needed you to live, he needed you to be alright. You had to be.

"Doct'r," your voice was barely a whisper.

His eyes flew open and he stared down at your still sleeping form. You turned your head to the side and, "Doct'r," again his name.

It lit a blazing fire in his chest. That was it. That was it, he was getting you out. He was getting all of you out because that was what he was going to do and the universe would bloody listen. He was the Doctor, and you were his. He was not losing you, not ever.

They'd taken the sonic but he was, for all intents and purposes, in a supply closet. Time to find out exactly which supplies he had.

[wordsbymae]

Here’s a warning, I’m going to send in two separate asks. The one I’m writing now about is clement and y/n. And another one is going to be about the one-shot you made about Freddy in another au. You’re going to suck it up buttercup, because I love me some perverted feral country boys 🤠. With southern accents that extra thick when they are drunk or angry, respect their mothers and ain’t scarred to get down and dirty; whether it be in the mud or fun times. Also I’m going to need you to elaborate more on uniform wearing Leroy, sounds interesting 🤔. But I definitely can see him dress up after the introduction of y/n’s lingerie outfits. What’s funny is, Originally what I had planned when I sent in my last ask was to give a little detail about Leroy’s parents for you to better understanding why he is the way he is, but eventually turned in a whole rant :D. What Clement is is what Joseph was supposed to be originally until the Addison of Mr.B. I wanted to add earlier that Clement thought that y/n was a stuck up bitch, but many women don’t like to be referred to that at all (respectfully so 👍), so I didn’t added it for your sake. Funny we keep finding each other like this 🙃. But yes! She’s what he hates most. Rich ppl (respectfully so). He had to deal with their kind for all his life and why would she be any different? He never thought she could truly love someone like him when she was like herself. So he felt that heart ache, so he thought “fuck it! She hates, I can’t already make her hate me anymore. There’s no point to suck in’ up to her” in his mind why try to stop her from hating him when he can make her hate him even more, he thought their relationship was beyond repairable. So to make himself feel better he thought making it worse would be beneficial for him. He had created this version of her in his head, but as he spend more time with her the more she continue to dismantle that version he had on her. She wasn’t stuck up, more like shy and skittish. She was prissy and up tight but not to the exaggeration he concluded in his head. As he torn down his initial prejudices and beliefs and look at her with more of open and judgment free perspective she wasn’t so bad. And around time he would learn about her hopes and dreams, would find way for her achieve them while under his restrictions. The incorporation of her becoming a nurse/assistant in the medical field was a good idea, thank you 😊. She would probably not go to a medical institution but pick lessons and part time as a assistant for a women on medical facility (planned parenthood). She’s surrounded with women and she’s close by his work, it’s a win win for everyone. He would strut in and proclaim that he’s here to see his wife, he would always make sure everyone knows (not like they don’t know already) who she is to him before saying her name “I’m here to pick up my wife, y/n”. This would help/foreshadow when he starts his heists and would come home all bloody covered and needed medical assistance (I’ll go more in detail about that later 😉). You’re are just like me, lol. I love angst but I’m a baby for happy endings 🥲. He come to learn she’s a inexperienced and innocent woman. She was taught strict rules about performing her wife duties and acting like a proper wife, but Clement constantly have her go past those normal restrictions. But she’s conflicted with the rule that she always has to go by what her husband says. When she was about to walk by him,but followed his eyes to her ass and begins to raise his hand to swat at it. She quickly covers her ass but in a annoyance he demanded that she stop but she tells him slapping her butt was “inappropriate”. She was tried of being treated like a waitress in a diner at a truck stop. She expected for him to get angry and spank her, but all he did was tilt his head back as his laughter shakes the entire house. “Inappropriate? Girl if you don’t stop and c’mere. This is just how I show affection” “affection?” “Is it so hard to believe? you have a great ass and I wanna smack it!”. There’s more but I ran out of space 😂

Sorry that this took me all week! Uni is kicking me in the arse and I never got a chance to answer.

YES! CLEMENT! Dirty, dirty, yucky man. I think I have made it very clear I love, love, love dirty, perverted country boys, it is truly my guilty pleasure.

okay, okay so I think Leroy was in the army or something, maybe only for a very short period of time, under 5 years, maybe longer before he got discharged for fighting a higher-up. he kept the uniform and shoved it in the back of the closet. He never really wanted to be in the army but his dad was, and his dad actually did quite well (maybe Vietnam vet or something? depending on the timeline, if 1960's timeline, ww2 or something) either way he really didn't care about it. until bunny comes along. he can tell she's a flighty thing and gets really submissive when people of authority talk to her. one-day bunny was putting his clothes away when he was at work and she comes across his old uniform. She gets a bit curious, although it takes her a few days to work up the courage to ask him about it. He just growls out he doesn't care for it and to forget about it. But maybe the town is having a memorial day or his friends from the army have some sort of formal get-together and somehow, some way he ends up having to drag it out to wear it and bunny can't take her eyes off him. I still think she's trying to stand up for herself and has yet to really aspected her place by his side, so she refuses to show have much it is making her attracted to him. But he notices. Anyway, they get back home, and something just takes over him. Maybe she gave a snarky remark or rolled her eyes when he ordered her to get ready for bed or something, either way, he goes into commander mode. He's still dressed in his uniform and he's standing over the top of her, she's backed into the wall, ordering her to get on her knees or bend over and she has to call him sir. he gets real degrading too, calling her all these nasty names and mocking her, calling her a whore and she's just a dumb slut, that if it wasn't for him she would let anyone in between her legs, she's so needy and such a dumb bunny, how she needs his cock and how all she's good for is being a cum hole. from then on I think he would enjoy "pulling rank", even threatening corporal punishment for anything she does wrong. bunny knows that if he starts making her call him sir, she's done something really bad. I nearly missed what you said about the lingerie! oh yes! I think he would really enjoy bunny wearing really soft-looking garments while he's wearing something that is related to hard work and violence.

I think my favourite ocs say so much about me, Joseph, clement, Leroy, Eli and freddy are just these real hands-on sorta men. And while Eli and freddy are a lot nicer about it, they are all very forward with their affection and attraction. I really enjoy fictional men that are very selfish and delusional, they think they are entitled to anything because they are hard-working, manly men and they deserve some loving. And if they weren't toxic and were real I would be first in line.

I am so glad you went on a rant! I love the idea of clement. I bet he did see ready as stuck up and frigid, just cause he wants to fuck her in the back of his pickup truck and never let any other man ever touch her, that doesn't mean he has to like her. So yeah a part of him wanting her is to corrupt her, to degrade her. I think there's a bit of resentment. Like you said I think he would have seen her and thought she's pretty and started to imagine what life would look like with her, but he is cruelly reminded men like him don't get women like her, and he starts to think it's her fault, he starts to hate how high above she is. so he begins to resent her but lusts for her at the same time, he wanted to drag her kicking and screaming down to his level.

He would have thought that they were no reason to try and be nice and romantic once married, he forced her to marry him so yeah there's no reason to try, only for it to be thrown back in his face so he is on the offensive first, saying her cooking is bland, saying that her dresses don't fit her well, that her makeup makes her look pale/ashy, all these nasty things to try and protect his heart if he doesn't give it to her she can't reject it. And she tries so hard!! she was raised to be a good wife so she's adding more spices, sowing her own dresses and practising her makeup. I am an angsty bitch so I like to think this reader is a bit like Alwyn's reader in that she always wanted true love so she is trying very very hard to make him like her, but maybe one day he gets a bit too cruel

(ignore if you want! this thought just came to me but it might be a bit too much).

angst and cruel things said below

maybe one day they went out to the town to get some stuff, and the reader goes to pick up some meat from the butcher. There's a new butcher and he's the same age as the reader. They haven't met yet and he doesn't know she's married. Anyway, he gets a bit flirty and starts complimenting the reader, calling her pretty and flattering her. the reader has never really had this sort of attention so she is very flustered and is just standing there blushing. Anyway clement comes in to see what the reader is up to and the butcher doesn't realise he's her husband so he keeps going, even though the reader has stopped blushing and is now looking a bit fearful. Clement gets real jealous and once in the car he just goes off, going on about how foolish she is, that the butcher only wants to get up her skirts and that he doesn't actually like her, how no one does, that she should be grateful that clement wanted her when no one else did, that the butcher was lying when he called her pretty and that clement is the only one who could barely tolerate looking at her. reader just bursts into tears and spends days not looking at clement or talking to him. cause this storyline is very much in a non-feminism era, I think she would try even more to look pretty, but she gets really flustered and worried about how she looks. Clement realises a bit late that he was too cruel and one night when reader is sitting in front of him in an old dress she hand stitched, fixing the holes and hair she tried to curl for three hours before giving up, looking at her plate and waiting for him to criticize her cooking, he just clears his thoart and very hesitantly says she looks pretty. I don't think he would ever really apologise and I think what he said would stay with reader for a very long time, to the point where maybe one day after clement says he loves her for the first time, she asks if he loves her even when he can barely tolerate looking at her. I think then he would just break inside and from then out is a much more loving and affectionate person, at least for men back then and never ever lets a day go by without telling her how beautiful she is.

haha well, that was a rollercoaster. ignore ^^^ if you want, I've just been in my angst era.

Yes, yes, yes!!!! The more he spends time with her, the more he realises the idea he had of her is completely wrong. yes is a bit more put together than him, but she doesn't look down on him and he begins to hope that maybe she can love him.

yeah!!! I was def thinking of a sort of midwife or women's health assistant. YES! he chose that place cause its right across the road and he can stop in for lunch together and he walks her over and walks her back to his car. He would look so out of place waiting for her inside the clinic, big beefy man covered with oil and grim.

I think the reader would be so excited to show off her new skills on him and explains every single step she does and the theory behind it and he tries very very hard not to snap at her to hurry up cause the bullet won't get out by itself, he never snaps at her cause he loves how excited and knowledgeable she is. Please please tell me more!!!

angst with a happy ending???? love it

oh yeah! she would get told that some things are big big no-nos, I'm sure there was a period of time it was frowned upon to show off your naked body even to her spouse, so let's say she was told that when she would sex it would be with undergarments on and she would be on her back every time. but she also got told to obey her husband. so he's trying to get her nightgown off and she is shocked he's trying to do so, and she explains as such, he just looks at her like she is crazy before asking isn't it her job to do what he says. she very hesitates but allows him to take it off.

OOH! she would be so shocked about ass-slaping, she thought that that only happens when her husband is punishing her, so she gets upset when he does it the first time thinking she did something wrong. And yes she can see his eyes looking at her ass and then his hand is raising so she covers it quickly, and yes he gets so frustrated! I think she would be so scared to voice her opinion, she grew up in a household where it was instilled her husband could punish her ( i am very firm that none of my ocs commits dv, sexual slapping yes, but never dv, I think mad king slapped once, but that is probs the last time) for anything she does wrong, even just voicing her opioion. so she is scared to tell him she wants to be treated softer and less like an object. but yes!!!

“Inappropriate? Girl if you don’t stop and c’mere. This is just how I show affection” “affection?” “Is it so hard to believe? you have a great ass and I wanna smack it!”.

I love this!!!! she would be so confused about how this would be affection but she starts to like it, and I think it would be funny if she starts to pout when he walks past her without slapping her ass, maybe she gets a new dress and shows it off to him while he is sitting down and she spins around a few times before ending up facing away from him and he is just sitting there while she stands with her butt in his face (not really) and she stands for a second or two before pouting and looking at him over her shoulder and asking why he hasn't "done the thing yet"

"the thing?"

"yes, the thing. You know.....with your hand?" and she starts to blush

he would just laugh and slap her ass hard before getting up and hugging her from behind.

ahhhhhh i am in love with this.

Please tell me more !!! love it! thank you!!!

lots of love mae xx

[rosiehunterwolf]

let me down gently

Prompts: Anger and Fight

Word Count: 6,465

Characters: Lloyd and Kai

Timeline: During episodes 96 (Into the Breach) and 97 (The Fall)

Trigger Warnings: Strained Parental Relationships, Suffocation, Major Character Death (kind of, u all know Cole didn't really die in this episode)

Summary: The thing about spending nearly every waking moment of the last several years of your life with a group of friends is that you really get to know them, inside and out, so much so that sometimes you know what they’re thinking before they do.

And, sometimes that means it’s easy to overlook what they’re actually trying to say.

(wooo! got my first bingo! what happens now lol)

Read on FFN.net

Read on Ao3

Tumblr work under the cut

The thing about spending nearly every waking moment of the last several years of your life with a group of friends is that you really get to know them, inside and out, so much so that sometimes you know what they’re thinking before they do.

Kai had learned that it was all about being observant. The littlest things could hint him off at what was going on in their minds.

For example, whenever Nya was frustrated with a piece of machinery she was repairing, Kai could tell by the sound of her hammer against the metal. It was more of a dull, clunking sound than the lighter, ringing tone that could usually be heard. Or when Zane was faced with a problem that he was struggling to solve, he would always walk with a slightly stiffer posture. How Jay’s leg would bounce slightly when he was impatient, or how Cole bit his lip when he was focused.

And now, as the ninja stood around Garmadon on the deck of the Bounty, Kai could tell from the look in Lloyd’s bright green eyes that his youngest brother was planning something- something that Kai wasn’t going to like.

“I’m done with your foolishness,” Garmadon growled at the ninja. “You do not have a choice. I will say it once more- I am the only one who can enter the Oni Cloud. Give me a weapon, and let me go, or the Darkness will consume us all.”

“It’s not going to happen,” Lloyd snapped back. “You’re not going anywhere- not without me.”

Kai balked at him. What?!

Lloyd began to walk up to Garmadon, until he was glaring him right in the face. “I’m your son, remember. I’m Oni, too.”

No. The blood was roaring in Kai’s ears, now. Lloyd had come up with plenty of dumb, impulsive plans in his life, but this was on another level entirely. If Lloyd thought Kai was letting him go into the Darkness alone with Garmadon, he was sorely mistaken.

“You are part Oni.” The man reached out, shoving Lloyd, and the green ninja stumbled backwards. Nya quickly caught him by the arm, steadying him, and the others lunged towards Garmadon. Kai barely managed to stop himself from punching the man in the face, dropping into a defensive stance instead when Lloyd pulled away from Nya, evidently unharmed.

“That means you might survive,” Garmadon told Lloyd, ignoring the others glaring at him.

“Well, I guess we’ll find out.”

Oh, you’ll find out all right, Kai fumed as he glared at the green ninja. You’ll find out that this is not happening, as soon as I knock some sense into you.

---

“Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon, have you lost your tiny mind?” Kai grabbed Lloyd’s arm, yanking him into an empty room below deck on the Bounty.

Lloyd stared at him. “Did you just call my mind tiny?”

“Yes, I did, and you deserve it, because you’re being the absolute worst idiot I have seen right now. And I’m friends with Jay, so that’s saying something.”

“Excuse me for trying to help,” Lloyd spat back. “I didn’t see anyone else coming up with a plan.”

“So the only thing you could come up with was chucking your own life into danger? Typical Lloyd move.”

His friend's eyes widened. “You’re one to talk! Do you really need me to go over every risky decision you’ve made? We’ll be here all day!”

“Half of those ‘risky decisions’ have just been trying to get you out of situations that your risky decisions got you into!”

Lloyd’s eyes darkened, and he turned away, beginning to rummage through the cabinets for a suitable weapon. “No one asked you to do that.”

Kai couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He marched forward, put a hand on Lloyd’s shoulder, and forced him around. “You expected me to just leave you. To die?”

“No!” The green ninja answered hastily, although he wouldn’t meet Kai’s eyes. “… I just could’ve taken care of it myself, that’s all.”

Kai snorted. “Right.”

Lloyd shoved his hand away. “I’m serious! I’m not a kid anymore, I don’t need you babysitting me.”

Kai felt like his heart had been impaled as he watched Lloyd turn away from him, back towards the shelves. He felt stinging in his eyes, and quickly pushed the hurt down, letting it give way to anger instead. How dare Lloyd speak to him that way. Kai had spent years caring for him, looking out for him. He had been the one to save him from the Fire Temple, from Morro, had been the one to carry him to Mystaké’s shop when he had foolishly run off to fight Garmadon alone and nearly died-

Sure, Kai had… he had failed him, sometimes. He knew he wasn’t always good enough to protect him, as hard as he tried. But in his defence, Lloyd wasn’t exactly making it easy for him! It was almost as if the boy wanted to die! He was getting an odd sense of déjà vu, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Have you forgotten what happened the last time you left us to fight the villain by yourself? I’m still having nightmares about that night, Lloyd! You nearly died.”

“That was different.”

“Different how?”

“I know what I’m doing,” he insisted. “And I won’t be alone. My dad will be with me.”

Kai’s eyes narrowed. “Oh great, now I’m so reassured.”

Lloyd shot him a look so venomous that Kai nearly faltered. What was that about?

“Look, Lloyd, I’m just trying to watch out for you! Can’t you see that the Cloud is dangerous? Cole was only in it for a second, and we nearly lost him. I don’t want to lose you, too.”

Lloyd sighed. “I know. But someone’s gotta do it, and my father said that my Oni blood will protect me.”

“He also said your human blood would make you weaker. He never guaranteed you would survive, and, frankly, even if he did, I wouldn’t trust him.”

Lloyd’s gaze went hard again. “Of course you wouldn’t. You’ve never trusted him. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve had a vendetta against him, and that’s no different now.”

“Lloyd, don’t be ridiculous, you know that’s not true. He was our sensei at one point, remember? I accepted him then! It’s only the Devourer venom I don’t trust. He said it himself- he couldn’t be trusted with the venom flowing through his veins.”

“Yeah, well the venom’s gone now, isn’t it? And I don’t see you acting any different than those first days.”

“Lloyd, he’s different now, and you know it. He’s not Sensei Garmadon anymore.”

“So that automatically means we can’t trust him?”

“No! But I can list a hundred other reasons why we can’t!” Kai began counting off on his fingers, “He tried to kill you, he tried to kill us, he tried to kill Wu, he destroyed the Bounty, he destroyed the city, he imprisoned our friends, he created a giant stone Colossus to try and destroy us, he’s Oni-”

“I’m Oni, too,” Lloyd snapped. “Does that mean you don’t trust me?”

“Lloyd, stop being stupid-”

“Oh, so now I’m stupid!”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“So what did you mean?”

Kai sighed, rubbing his temples. “You’re only part Oni. Things are different.”

“But what if I wasn’t? What if I was full Oni? You wouldn’t trust me then?”

“I never said that.” “You literally just did.”

Kai glowered at him. “Look, it doesn’t matter- Lloyd, you’re my friend. I’ve known you for years, I know you’re trustworthy because you’ve never done anything to prove me otherwise.”

“If you trust me so much, then why aren’t you acting like it now?”

“I do trust you! I still do, and I always will. But I also know your judgement tends to get clouded when it comes to people you care about. And, I’m sorry Lloyd, but your father does not deserve to be on that list. Not anymore. Ever since he’s come back, he’s done nothing but prove to me that he doesn’t care about you. At all.”

Lloyd froze, a shadow falling over his face. Kai reached for his hand, but he jerked back, gritting his teeth.

“Oh, come on, Lloyd, I know you’re trusting, but this is ridiculous! Have you forgotten what he’s done to you?”

“You don’t get to talk,” Lloyd choked, his voice suddenly sounding wet. “You don’t know what it’s like. What I’ve been through.”

Kai stopped, blinking at him. “What?”

“You don’t know! You never had to watch your dad be an evil warlord for your whole life, never had people telling you that your entire destiny was to defeat him!”

Kai felt his anger dissipate. “Lloyd-”

But the green ninja wasn’t done. “You never had to fight the one person who came back for you when everyone else turned their backs on you, only to get him back as someone completely different than the person you remembered! You never had to suffer through those long weeks, those long months, struggling to reconnect with him after the rift that had been torn between the two of you. You never had to deal with only having your father back for a couple years before losing him again, just when you had finally been getting to know him again! You never had to suffer through that loss, thinking about him every day for the next few years, just starting to get over him when suddenly you found out he was coming back again! You never had to fight so hard to keep him from coming back, even though a small part of you really wanted to see him again. You don’t know what it was like to get a chance to reunite with him, only to have him nearly kill you, and then be forced to recruit him to help you. You don’t know what it’s like to have half of your brain remembering him as this horrible, sadistic monster that absolutely cannot be trusted, but the other half remembering him as a good man, as your true father, and feeling like there’s still some of that in there, and maybe you can have that back!”

By this point, Lloyd was crying, hard, and Kai felt like his heart was going to shatter. “Lloyd. I’m sorry bud. I’m so sorry. But you’re going to have to trust us. Your team. We’ve always been here for you, even when your dad wasn’t.”

“You still don’t get it!” Lloyd was borderline yelling by this point. “I can’t! I can’t forget everything he’s done- both the good and the bad! You can’t possibly understand how angry I am at him but how much I love him! He left me! He hurt me! But he is the only person who loved me from the very beginning- even you thought I was some washed-up street rat when we first met!”

The pressure building in Kai’s chest suddenly snapped, and he found himself yelling right back at Lloyd. “I don’t know what it’s like? Have you forgotten what my father did? I lived the majority of my life thinking that he had abandoned me! For a five-year-old kid, that was the scariest thing of my life- I didn’t know what to do, and everything was resting on me. It took me years to get over that, to get over them and to move on, and then- then I figured out they were alive and now everyone was saying that they were good and that this wasn’t their fault- that everything was okay now. But it wasn’t okay- they had left me, burdened me, and as much as I knew they hadn’t done it on purpose, I couldn’t forget all those years of pain. Even Nya thought I was being crazy, tried to stop me from lashing out at them. She didn’t understand. She was the younger sibling, she wasn’t burdened with my responsibility. If anyone could understand me, I would’ve thought it would be you.”

“It’s not the same!” Lloyd’s voice was shrill. “You still have years ahead of you- years to talk and reconnect. You think I didn’t go through the same thing with my father after he was cleansed from the venom? I thought we would have all the time in the world! But now we’re back at square one again, but worse- square zero- and this time he won’t even listen to me! He doesn’t remember me, he doesn’t remember himself, he doesn’t remember anything except hatred.”

“Then why are you so eager to listen to him again?”

“I can’t let him go again! Not like last time!”

“This isn’t like last time, Lloyd! Why won’t you listen to us? Since when did you start trusting Garmadon’s judgement over mine?” “The moment you stopped listening to me and tried to make everything about yourself!”

Kai stared at him in disbelief. Lloyd was seriously calling him selfish right now? He had just poured out all his insecurities about his parents, ones that he didn’t want to share but did anyway to try to help Lloyd see he wasn’t alone- and the brat had the nerve to call him selfish?

“I can’t believe you! I’ve done nothing- nothing- but try to help you and care for you since you joined our team. And you have the audacity to pin this on me. You know what? Go! Go with your father into that dumb Cloud! Since you obviously care about him so much more than you do me!”

“I will,” Lloyd shot back, already storming out of the room.

“Don’t come crying to me when you suffocate in there! At least you’ll be with your dear old pops!”

Lloyd turned around when he reached the doorway, their shouting match quieting as he responded in a low voice.

“Trust me, I’m not going to be crying to anyone.”

There was a loud bang as Lloyd slammed the door shut, and Kai was alone.

---

Zane walked quietly down the hallway of the ship, stopping in front of Nya as she slowly backed out of a room, pulling the door shut softly behind her.

“Any luck?”

She shook her head. “He won’t even talk to me, not to mention tell me what happened.”

“Kai isn’t budging either. He asked me how close we were to the city, and what Garmadon was up to, but refused to even mention Lloyd.”

“I’ve never seen Lloyd like this, Zane, he was… he was upset. Angry. I think they fell out, but… I don’t know why, or how…”

“It has to be about the Cloud. Kai was pretty upset when Lloyd announced his plan.”

“I’m upset too!” she snapped. “It’s a horrible plan! He’s going to get himself killed! But you know how Lloyd gets when he sets his mind on something. And Kai can get… snappy when he’s worried about someone important to him. I’m worried things have been taken too far this time, though.”

Nya buried her face in her hands, and Zane put a hand on her shoulder. “Nya, it’s going to be alright. It’s not like they haven’t fought before. They’ll make up quickly, like they always do.”

“Yeah, but it’s never been this bad before! Lloyd was really upset, Zane! He always talks to me, comes to me, when he’s having a hard time, especially if it’s with Kai, but…” her voice dropped to a whisper. “This time is different.”

“Have you forgotten everything they’ve been through?” Zane reminded her. “Their friendship has survived the green ninja prophecy, Chen’s staff, a possession, many near-death experiences, and realm-hopping. I think they can handle one argument.”

Nya didn’t look so reassured, so Zane looped his arm around her. “They’re going to be fine. They always are.”

Nya wiped a sleeve across her eyes, sniffing. “I know. I just worry about them.”

“It’s great, how much you look out for them, but there are some things that Kai and Lloyd must resolve on their own.”

Nya nodded, slowly stepping back from the door of the room where Lloyd was.

A faint beeping sounded from above them, and Zane quickly checked his internal GPS. “Now, we should head back above deck. It won’t be long before we reach Ninjago City, and the outskirts of the Oni Cloud.”

“The time is nearly upon us,” Nya whispered. “Soon, the fate of Ninjago will rest in our hands.” Her nose wrinkled. “Again.”

---

Kai stared over the deck of the Bounty, his jaw slack as he surveyed the landscape below. The entirety of Ninjago City was covered in a thick, black smog, only the tips of some of the taller skyscrapers emerging from it.

A sickly black tentacle reached up below them, curling up towards the fins on the rear of the Bounty, lapping gently against the wood. Nya put on a burst of speed, and the Bounty pulled from its grasp, leaving the tentacle to lurk hungrily, before it slowly receded back down into the Cloud.

A shiver slipped down his spine, and he gritted his teeth. He couldn’t believe the others had agreed to send Lloyd down there.

“This will allow us to see what’s happening inside the Cloud.”

Kai turned to see Zane slipping what looked to be a GoPro over Lloyd’s head. “We can watch the camera feed from the monitor screens of the Bounty.”

Lloyd was shifting from foot to foot, looking nervous. As he should be. How long will it take for him to finally realize how dangerous this is?

Lloyd wasn’t the only one looking frightened. From where she stood up by the steering wheel, Nya was watching Lloyd apprehensively, nibbling on her lip. Jay stood at Lloyd’s side, double and triple checking to make sure the armor pieces fastened to his gi were strong and secured. Cole was leaning back against the mast, arms crossed over his chest as he surveyed them all with dark eyes.

“What’s our plan for extraction?” Cole asked gruffly. “If we’re doing this, we need a clear plan before you leave. There’ll be no room for mistakes down there.”

“We’ll wait here with the Bounty while he’s down there,” Zane explained. “When he’s made it back, we’ll drop the anchor so he can climb the chain.”

“I installed a tracking device in the camera,” Nya added, “so if something goes wrong, we can come pick you up elsewhere.”

“Hopefully nothing will go wrong,” Lloyd muttered.

Nya shook her head. “I’ll say.”

“Did you guys check the parachute? Does it feel alright, do you want me to-”

“Jay.” Lloyd said firmly. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Jay sighed, running a hand through his curly locks. “I’m just not sure about this, Lloyd.”

“Guys. I have to do this. I’m gonna get in, grab the Realm Crystal, get out. No problem.”

“No problem?” Kai growled. “Yeah, except for the freezing black tentacles, deathly fog, and swarms of Oni you’re forgetting about. Oh, and wait, your father.”

“Kai, can we not get into this now,” Lloyd grimaced.

“If we don’t get into it now, when will we get into it?” Kai pulled back from the railing, walking over to him. “Once you go, there’s no turning back.”

His eyes flashed. “I’m aware of the consequences. I’m doing it.”

Kai groaned. “You’re not even listening to me!”

“And you’re not listening to me. Do you have another plan?”

“I’m sure we could come up with something better than this.”

“Yeah? Well, you haven’t!” he snapped, loudly.

Kai said nothing, glaring at him.

“The people of Ninjago City are in danger. Many of them are already lost, and I only hope that we can save them. Someone has to help, sooner rather than later. And right now, me and my father are the only ones who can.”

“Well, maybe not you,” Jay squeaked, looking nervous to impede on their argument.

“Jay’s right, you’re taking a huge risk.”

“I’m a ninja!” Lloyd threw up his arms. “Risk is part of the job description.”

There was silence at that.

Really, what could they say? To deny it would be to put down every risk they had ever taken, every consequence they had ever faced.

But so many of them had ended in disaster- Zane’s death, Chen’s staff, Morro’s possession, Wu getting lost in time, and of course, Lloyd’s initial face-off with his resurrected father- and Kai was wondering when they would finally draw the line.

Sooner or later, their luck was going to run out. Sooner or later, they would get themselves into a mess they couldn’t get out of.

---

The ship slowed to a halt in front of Borg Tower. The tallest building in the city, it stretched far above the Cloud, but as Lloyd peered down, he saw that the bottom of it just seemed to disappear, getting swallowed by the blackness.

“This is the closest I can get,” Nya announced, descending the ladder as she hopped down to the deck with them. “You’re going to have to take it from here.”

Garmadon said nothing, stepping up to the edge of the rail to peer over the edge.

Pixal beckoned to him, and Lloyd walked over, standing patiently as she fiddled with his GoPro.

“Zane?” she called back to the nindroid, to where he had climbed back up towards the monitor. She waved at Lloyd’s camera, and Zane gave her a thumbs up.

“It’s working. For now. The reception might break up a little when he actually goes into the Darkness, but hopefully it will last us a while, at least.”

“And the GPS?”

“Signal is on point.”

“Voice feed? Can you hear me through the comms?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Good.” Pixal stepped back from him, nodding. She hesitated for a moment, her green eyes flashing. “Lloyd… just be careful, okay? Your life isn’t worth the Realm Crystal. We can always come up with another plan.”

Lloyd swallowed. Suddenly, this whole thing was beginning to feel a lot more real.

Apparently, he wasn’t the only one thinking this, because Kai walked over to him. Lloyd flinched, expecting him to yell again, but his voice was soft.

“Lloyd. If you… if you really trust your dad so much, you should let him go. Alone.”

Lloyd bit back a sigh. “I don’t trust him.”

Kai blinked. “You literally just told me earlier that you-”

“No, I said it was complicated.” Lloyd breathed out slowly, running his fingers through his hair before his voice came out too sharp. “I trust him enough to not get me killed, but not enough to bring the Realm Crystal back on his own.”

“Look, Lloyd, you don’t have to do this.”

Lloyd glared at him. “Yeah, I do. I’m going, end of discussion.”

“Please don’t go. Look, I’m sorry about what I said earlier, okay? I’ll make it up to you. Please don’t base this decision off of that.”

Kai’s eyes were looking suspiciously shiny now, and Lloyd bit his lip. He was still mad at Kai, but Lloyd hated fighting with him. Maybe he should-

No. Lloyd shut down that train of thought fiercely. He couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him.

Sure, this was Kai he was talking about- not Harumi, or his father. He knew Kai would never try to take advantage of him, but- he was also biased. Lloyd wanted to listen to his own judgement, for once. The best decisions were always made with a clear head, anyways.

He forced his voice to be hard as he spoke. “I made this decision plenty of time before that conversation.”

Ignoring the look on Kai’s face, he turned and walked towards the edge of the deck, pulling his sword out of the rack. It was about time he finished this.

---

Kai hurried over to her looking half in tears.

“So I’m guessing that’s a ‘no’ on talking him out of it?”

Kai gripped her shoulders, tight. “He won’t listen to me Nya, I think he’s still angry with me. I can’t change his mind. Nothing I say will change his mind. You need to talk to him, please. Maybe he’ll listen to you.” “I wouldn’t get your hopes up, Kai. He may not be upset with me, but you know how stubborn he gets when he sets his mind on something.”

“Can you at least try?”

Nya looked at him, and after a moment, let out a sigh. “Fine.”

Her footsteps were quiet as she walked over to the green ninja, who was sheathing his sword. He didn’t look at her, but he knew she was there, that Nya was certain of.

“I have no idea what he said to you, earlier… but he’s just worried about you, y’know.”

Lloyd snorted. “Sure has a funny way of showing it.”

“I’m serious, Lloyd. This is dangerous. Perhaps one of the biggest risks we’ve taken yet. What you said earlier was true- taking risks is part of the job- but that doesn’t mean we can’t be careful. Can’t worry.”

Lloyd sighed. “I know- and I’m not expecting you not to. But sometimes, certain things have to be done, and… you just have to endure the worry for the sake of others.” He eyed her. “Kind of like you’re doing now.”

Nya side-eyed him, and he smiled slightly. “I can tell. You’ve been pacing.”

She breathed out slowly. “You’re right. But that’s not an easy thing to do. Especially for those who love you and care about you very much.”

Lloyd looked down. “Just get it over with.”

“What?”

“He sent you over here to talk me out of it, didn’t he?”

“Technically, yes… but he’s not my team leader. I don’t have to listen to anything he says.”

Lloyd looked up, his brilliant green eyes meeting her much tamer, softer brown ones.

“Why aren’t you going to try to change my mind?”

“Because I know what a stubborn brat you are,” she teased, cuffing him over the head. He shook her off, scowling as he straightened his hair.

“Seriously, though. I wouldn’t be sending you in if I wasn’t certain you were strong enough to handle yourself.”

Relief flooded his expression. “So you get it! Why doesn’t Kai? Why doesn’t he just trust me?”

“He trusts you,” she said firmly, and Lloyd blinked at her, surprised. “He trusts you more than you will ever know.”

“Then why is he so upset about me doing this?”

“Just because you know someone is capable doesn’t mean that you’re not going to worry or fear the worst when they have to do something dangerous. Kai’s a big brother. It’s his job to be overprotective! He’s just trying to look out for you.”

“I’m not a kid anymore. Sometimes I need to look after myself.”

“Kai’s afraid of losing you, Lloyd. He knows you’re strong. He knows you’re capable. He trusts you completely. But bad things can happen to even the best people. He doesn’t want a world without you in it. None of us do.”

Lloyd was silent at that, toeing at the ground with his foot. “I’ll be careful,” he said after a long while.

“You better be.” She reached forward, squeezing his hand. “Just know that he comes from a place of love, okay?”

“Are we going to just stand here all day?” Garmadon snapped, stalking over to him. “Or should I just go without you?”

“No,” Lloyd insisted, wiping at his face with his sleeve. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

Garmadon shot a pointed glance at his sword. Lloyd sighed.

“Cole, give him a sword.”

The black ninja grabbed a katana, eyeing the Dark Lord with thinly veiled suspicion. “Are you sure about that?”

Lloyd nodded.

Cole tossed the sword at Garmadon’s feet, and he picked it up, surveying it slowly. The ninja and Pixal watched him apprehensively.

Suddenly, Garmadon was lunging at Cole, and before Nya could react, Kai was screaming at him to look out as he charged Garmadon, the sharp screech of metal sounding as his sword clashed with Garmadon’s. The man pushed past them, running towards Lloyd and Nya, and Lloyd quickly charged up his powers, hands glowing as he held up his fists protectively.

Garmadon darted to the side, wisely avoiding his son’s powers, and Nya blocked him with her spear, pinning him down as she caught him off guard.

Zane’s arrow flew past, and Garmadon rolled out of the way, causing her to lose her grip on him as he shot to his feet again, sending her flying with a sharply delivered kick to the gut.

Nya staggered to her feet, panting, just as Pixal was flung past her. Hurrying over, she helped her friend to her feet, and the two fell into battle stances behind the rest of the crew, who were now watching Garmadon through slitted eyes.

“Try that again!” Cole dared. “Now that I’m ready!”

Garmadon glared at them, raising a fist. Suddenly, it burst into purple flames, and the ninja recoiled, gasping.

His powers are back? How? “That’s better,” Garmadon rasped, grinning. Then, with a running leap, he launched himself off the side of the ship.

There was silence for a moment, before Cole burst out, “Okay, what the heck was that?”

“Conflict fuels him!” Lloyd said, walking forward.

“He was powering up!” Zane agreed.

“He did that just to get his powers back?” Jay cried.

Cole grimaced, marching up to Lloyd. “I. Do. Not. Trust. Him!”

Nya felt her stomach flip. She was starting to regret giving Lloyd that pep talk, now. Sure, she believed in his ability to take care of himself, but… Garmadon had his powers back, now? Lloyd’s powers were nothing to be scoffed at, but… they paled in comparison to Garmadon's. Those powers were what had nearly gotten him killed the last time. What would happen if Garmadon needed to “power up” again? Would he turn on Lloyd? And this time, he wouldn’t have his team to help him.

Seeing the look in her youngest brother’s eyes, Nya suddenly felt the urge to hold him back, and she grabbed his shoulder tightly. “Lloyd. Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

Lloyd hesitated, gazing at his teammates, who looked back at him with fearful gazes. He bit his lip.

Please say no, please say no, please say-

“No.”

Nya blinked. Well, that was easier than expected-

“But I don’t really have a choice,” he added, and before Nya could react, he was ripping away from her, running across the deck of the Bounty-

And jumping off the side of the ship.

---

“Lloyd!” Nya screamed, and Kai was suddenly pushing his way past her, running to the edge of the ship to peer over the side.

Lloyd was plummeting, down, down, down, until the green of his gi vanished and the Darkness swallowed him up. Kai swore, curling his fingers into the handrail.

The others had joined him, Nya leaning over so desperately that Cole had to pull her back. Unease crackled in the air as they blinked at each other.

“The camera feed!” Zane cried suddenly. “Come on!”

The nindroid hurried towards the monitors, the rest of them not far behind. Kai held his breath as Zane’s fingers flew across the keyboard, until a hazy purple image appeared. Dark, lurking outlines blurred past, as if in motion, until they suddenly slowed, Lloyd’s feet swinging into view.

“He opened his parachute,” Zane breathed.

Jay squinted at the screen, leaning forward. “I can’t see anything… except for that weird, purplish smoke.”

“Wait,” Cole pointed at the shadows, which came into better view as the fog began to thin slightly. “There’s some sort of building there.” He recoiled as something dark slithered across it. “What is that?”

“They look like…” Nya narrowed her eyes. “Tentacles, or something.”

“Eugh! Those are the things that tried to grab me, earlier!” Cole cried.

Kai bit down on his lip, only just stopping himself before he could draw blood. “Be careful, Lloyd.”

After a moment, the ground drifted into view, and Lloyd stumbled to a halt as his feet reached it, releasing his parachute.

As he looked around, the camera turned with his head, and Kai felt himself shudder at the creepy, desolate landscape that had once been their city. It was cruel, how much something could change in only a day.

Lloyd coughed, clearing his throat, and Kai’s attention was drawn back to him, frowning.

“Lloyd? Are you okay?”

There was no response, except for another, heaving cough, and Kai felt his heart drop, turning to Zane. “Can’t he hear us?”

Zane’s eyes flashed, hitting a few things on the control panel. “He should be able to, unless the reception has been blocked already, which frankly, I doubt-”

Lloyd’s hands flew to his mouth as he wheezed, a horrible, strangled sound. He gasped for air, and suddenly he was falling to his knees, the camera flickering.

Kai felt like he was having a heart attack.

“He’s suffocating!” he cried, reaching out and grabbing Nya’s arm, shaking her. “He can’t breathe, I told you this was a horrible idea, we have to get him out of there!”

Nya’s voice trembled. “Hurry, drop the anchor, he needs to get out now!”

“He can’t even stand, how is he going to climb the chain?”

“If he can't, I'll go down and get him.”

“You can’t do that, Kai, you’ll be dead within seconds!”

“What other choice do we-”

“Guys!” Zane cried, breaking over the clamor. “He’s okay now. His breathing has stabilized.”

Kai turned to the screen, seeing that Lloyd had pushed himself to his feet and was walking over to Garmadon. His breathing had stopped the horrible rasping, but it was still too heavy.

Nya slumped against him, rubbing her hands over her face. “This kid’s going to be the end of me.”

“Why is he going away from us?” Kai snapped. “Tell him to get back on the ship!”

Zane blinked at him. “The whole point of the mission is to get the Realm Crystal, is it not?”

“Not at the cost of his life!” “Of course not.” Zane reached forward, squeezing his arm gently. “But he is fine now. Trust me, I will be the first to inform you if his breathing becomes irregular again.”

Kai pulled his hands over his face, screaming into them. “Wake me up when this horrible nightmare is over!”

---

“There’s more to life than surviving!”

Lloyd’s scream made even Garmadon flinch back as the green ninja raced off, vanishing below deck. Kai watched him anxiously, and he felt Nya slip her arm out of his grasp.

“I’m okay, Kai. Go.”

Giving her hand one last squeeze, he ran after Lloyd, shooting Garmadon a fierce glare as he passed.

When he finally found Lloyd, he was in their bedroom, curled up on his bed, crying softly.

Kai sat down next to him, the mattress sagging slightly lower beneath his weight. After a moment of silence, he reached out a hand and began to rub Lloyd’s back gently.

“You were right,” he gasped suddenly. “I should never have left. The plan didn’t even work. It’s my fault, I should’ve been there, I could’ve- I could’ve-”

“Lloyd, you couldn’t have done anything,” Kai insisted, giving up with subtlety and pulling Lloyd against his side. “No one could’ve.”

Lloyd didn’t seem to hear him. “Why did I trust my father, you were right, I never should’ve done that, I was being stupid as always, I thought we could- I thought maybe things would go back, but- no, you tried to warn me, and I was horrible to you-”

“Lloyd, Lloyd stop, breathe,” Kai begged, grabbing his hands and desperately trying to pull them off of his head, where he was digging in his nails. “Stop, please, I don’t care about any of that, I forgave you ages ago.”

Lloyd took a shuddery breath, loosening his hands enough for Kai to move them, and letting his head rest in Kai’s lap. “Ages ago? We just had the argument earlier today.”

“Yeah, well, I’m quick at forgiving.”

Lloyd huffed softly. “No, you’re not.”

“For you I am. That’s what family’s for, right?”

Kai immediately regretted his choice of words as Lloyd flinched. “I mean, true family. The one you chose, not the one you’re related to by blood.”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

Kai let his breath out slowly, leaning back on the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Lloyd, and paused as it hit against something hard.

Looking back, he saw it was a photo frame. Sucking in his breath, he picked it up.

The glass was cracked, but the picture behind it was perfectly clear. In it, Sensei Garmadon was standing in front of the Monastery, an arm slung around Lloyd. Although their former sensei was standing stiff, as usual, a rare smile was playing on his lips. And Lloyd- Lloyd’s grin was all teeth, his eyes practically sparkling as he gazed at his father. He looked so happy it made Kai’s heart hurt.

“Did you…”

Lloyd looked up as Kai trailed off, pulling himself into more of a sitting position, and his gaze found the photo. His eyes darkened, but he took it from Kai’s hands, anyway. He stared at it for a moment, his face unreadable as he traced his fingers along the cracks, then, suddenly, he was throwing the frame across the room, where it shattered against the floor loudly. A sob caught in his throat, and he wiped at his eyes.

Kai wrapped his arms around him in a hug, noticing as Lloyd flinched, hard, when he squeezed his arm. He made a mental note to make him go to the medbay later, but for now, he didn’t push it.

“Kai?”

“Hm?” “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier.”

“Bud, there’s nothing to be sorry about. We both made mistakes. But it’s over now. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.”

“No,” Kai breathed out, running a hand through his hair as tears stung in his eyes. “You’re right. It’s not.”

Lloyd whimpered, curling closer. “He’s gone, Kai. How can anything ever be okay again?”

“I don’t know, bud. Maybe it won’t be. But you know what? We keep going. Wherever life takes us, we keep on going, and we don’t give up.”

“It’s hard to keep going.”

“Then we just hold on. As tight as we can.”

Lloyd sobbed into the side of his gi, and Kai buried his face in Lloyd’s hair as tears slipped down his cheeks. Never again, was he going to take this for granted. He had already made that mistake with Cole.

And for that, Kai made sure to grip on a little tighter.

[sailors-diary-for-elise]

Reaching Out

SEE! SOMETHING OTHER THAN SMUT. Also this one is old and a bit dusty, sooooo warnings are gonna be to the best of my ability. ALSO. THIS IS ANGST AND HAS TRIGGERING THEMES. PLEASE SCROLL PAST IF THE WARNINGS ARE DISTRESSING TO YOU. I wrote this during a really difficult day and was just word vomiting tbh. I am also gonna state that this is a work of fiction and I am in no way a therapist or anything, so if something here bothers you I’m sorry this is just something I wrote mostly for myself.

Warnings: god this is painful but here we go. Reader is depressed and has anxiety, mentions of self-inflicted injuries (she punches a mirror...repeatedly-), blood, panic attacks, it takes a few of the members to restrain the reader so if you’re uncomfortable with that please don’t read this, this is honestly just a hard read imo so please read with care. Also, the reader hates herself and just doesn’t really think highly of herself at all sooooo yeah-

It was the fourth time this month. The fourth argument that could’ve and should’ve ended differently.

You’d come out of your room to find San off at practice or on some work related schedule, spend the entire day outside trying to break a horrible cycle in your mind, just to disappear again once he returned home. It was frustrating you both and causing a serious strain in your relationship.

On San’s side, he couldn’t understand why it was that you would fight against him trying to get you to come out of your room when you spent the entire day alone. Then there was his frustration when you would complain about never seeing him and yet would disappear and avoid him when he was available. To San, it didn’t make any sense. All he wanted to do was spend time with you and support you, but it seemed as though you were determined to shut him out. He watches you storm off to your bedroom, running a hand through his hair as he tries to recall the last time he’d come back from a schedule and had a nice quiet evening that didn’t end in you both screaming at each other. When he can’t, San grabs his jacket and walks out of the apartment with his phone and keys, planning on spending the night at the dorms so that you can have some space to cool off. Once he gets in his car, he quickly dials Hongjoong’s number, pulling out of the parking garage of your complex and letting out all of his frustrations and concerns. 

As he drove, San had no way of knowing how much you hated yourself for what was happening between you both.

What San didn’t know was that your depression and anxiety had been spiraling lately due to the pressure that had been placed on your shoulders from not only your work but from being the girlfriend of an idol that had become so famous. He didn’t know that every day you were terrified that, now that his future was so bright and secure, he’d no longer want you. That he’d leave you just like so many before had done, and that he’d realize you were no longer something of use to him. And finally, how you criticize every minute of your life, finding ways that you are failing even when you’ve done nothing but your best. It came to the point that waking up from dreams was physically painful, because you could control a dream and guarantee the people you love never turned their backs on you. San didn’t, or rather, couldn’t know this. Because to know this would mean you would have to tell him. And no one should have to bear this burden but you, and there was always that small part of you that was terrified of having your feelings invalidated. 

Your whole life people have toyed with you, accepting your depression only when it was convenient to them and berating you once the curtains fall. Some even went as far as to weaponize your emotions, tearing you down in an argument with something that was the equivalent to the beating heart in your chest. Yes they would apologize and you would eventually forgive them because people make mistakes. But the thing about words is that once they leave someone’s mouth, the damage is already done and there’s no amount of remorse or forgiveness that can repair it. That’s where you are now.

You slam the door shut, leaving all the lights in your room turned off, your head pounding after the screaming match you and San had just finished (rather, you ran out on and barricaded the door so he wouldn’t see you cry) and your face stained with tears. Not a sound left you as you curled up on the bed, biting your fist as a punishment for your body's betrayal of emotions. All it would take was one minute of silence and the entire apartment would be able to hear how you were feeling. In all honesty, you didn’t want San to see you cry. Because in your mind, you didn’t deserve to cry. You were the one who picked a fight. You're the one who made unfair accusations, using his career and passions as weapons against him. You were the one that hurt him in the same ways that had been done to you, falsely claiming that it was to “beat him to it and strike first.” 

The front door slams shut, and you work quickly. You unbarricade the door and peek out, making sure no one is there. Dashing across the living space, you reach the spare bedroom and lock the door, not seeing the need for such extreme measures as earlier. You then sit with your back to the door, listening for the sign of San’s safe return from the store. Your butt has just about gone numb when this occurs, the front door shutting softly alerting you instantly. You rise from your position, albeit a little slowly due to your cramped muscles, and shuffle to the bed. A knock sounds, and a decision has to be made.

“Y/N? I know you’re awake. Can you come to bed? You and I both know that neither of us can sleep alone anymore.” San mumbles through the door. You hear shuffling, and you hold your breath thinking he might unlock the door. You’re not sure though, whether you’re holding your breath in hope or fear. But all you hear is a thud, indicating San sitting down. “Look, we don’t have to talk. You don’t even need to look at me, it just feels better for both of us if I’m holding you through the night, because at the end of the day, we still love each other, right?” 

San’s cheeks are marked with tear streaks, eyes red and puffy as he waits for any sign of confirmation from you. He loves you more than anything else, so much so that he’d give up everything for you, and needed to hear that you still loved him as well. He holds his breath, hands covering his face while he waits for you to show him a sign that you’re even listening. That you’re even there. 

You tip-toe over to the door, gently crouching down in front of it and rest your fingertips lightly on the wood, near where his shoulder is supposed to be. It’s cold and unyielding, but this is the bravest you’ll ever be. You hear a sigh on the other side, almost as if he can sense your presence.

“You know, you don’t have to keep it all in. From the first moment I saw you, I knew that there was so much going on in your life that it’d take time to get you to trust me. And I still want that. I want to know what’s going on in your life again. I want to hold you as you're crying again. And I want to repay you for all the times you’ve helped me.” San whispers, his voice showing how much of a toll this has taken on him. “I know a lot has changed, I travel a lot, and it’s harder for us to go anywhere without me being recognized. But I promise you that my feelings for you, the amount of love I feel for you, it’s all still there. If anything, I love you even more now than before. I don’t want to lose you Y/N. I want to keep fighting for us and I just need you to reach out to me, show me you want this too. Open the door, even if it’s just a crack, and let me help heal those open wounds. Yes there will be scars and yes it will take time, but I’m willing to wait.”

At this point you have tears streaming down your face as you withdraw your hand. You don’t move though, despite your broken mind willing you to do so, you stay rooted in your spot. Sniffles break through the other side, showing how much San is hurting. You feel as though there’s a war going on inside of you, your heart begging you to open the door and stop this madness, but your mind resolute on keeping this wall up. 

“I. Can’t.” you croak out, bringing your trembling hand to your lips and nibbling your thumbnail as you rise slowly. “They were right, I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.”

“What? Who told you that?” San questions, confusion swirling in his head as he struggles to better understand where this was coming from. Standing, San presses his hands to the door, trying to open it only to find it locked. “Love, talk to me.”

“All I’ve been doing is hurting you, and I’m sorry. ” You whimper, your mind screaming at you to shut-up and not give away anything while your heart, your very being, is begging to be set free and allow him back in. “I, I love you, San.” And with that you rise, walking towards the bathroom attached to the room. You close the door, locking it and turning to the mirror to see your disheveled state. Tears stain your cheeks, your eyes have bags under them, and your hair is greasy and a mess from the lack of effort on your part to take care of yourself. 

Thoughts swirl and distort your reflection, harsh words clouding your mind. Some of the words surface from your past, some are from deep within you stemming from your lack of forgiveness for yourself. You don’t deserve forgiveness or a second chance. You don’t deserve him caring for you. You’re toxic. You do nothing but hurt him. Toxic. Toxic. 

You start screaming, starting in your gut and ripping out through your mouth, scaring the shit out of San who begins pounding on the door. You hear him calling out to you, but it’s muffled in your head as you continue to sob and scream at your reflection, running your hands through your hair before tugging on it out of frustration. The longer you look at yourself, the worse the feeling in your gut gets as the harsh words continue to tear you apart, worsening with each passing moment. With one last scream you pull your arm back and punch the mirror, desperate to feel something other than the all consuming self-hatred. And it works.

There’s a crack on the mirror with droplets of blood in the center. You bring your trembling hand into view, noticing your knuckles slightly bloodied and cut. The pain replaces all of the noise in your head, if only for a moment, and you become entranced by it. Raising your fist again, you punch the mirror once, twice, three more times before stopping to look at your handy work. The crack has grown and your hand is bleeding steadily, a couple of pieces of glass stuck in your knuckles. You’re ashamed of what and who you’ve become and raise your fist again when the door breaks down.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” San shouts, restraining your flailing and screaming form as tears stream down your face. Four pairs of hands are pulling you out of the bathroom, with San’s arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he pulls you on the bed. He immediately starts shushing you, whispering into your hair as he wraps his legs around you as well, restricting you so the others can clean you up and call an ambulance if need be. At this point though, he doesn’t need to as you’ve gone completely limp, sobbing into his neck loudly as the emotions you’ve kept hidden flood out in a wave that swallows you whole. “Shh baby, it’s okay. We’re here now and we’re not leaving you. I’ve got you, we’ve got you. It’s okay, it’s okay.” His voice is trembling, absolutely terrified by what he’s just experienced. It’s lucky that Hongjoong, Yunho, and Seonghwa arrived when they did or he might have been too late, having planned on coming to help San piece back together your relationship. It took Yunho and Seonghwa to break down the doors, and all four of them carried you out of the bathroom so you wouldn’t hurt yourself or them.

Soon, you run out of energy and are left whimpering and quivering in San’s hold, slowly coming to your senses as you hear running water, hushed murmurs, and the cabinet mirror (or what’s left of it) being opened in search of something. When the realization sets in that San, Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Yunho have seen you at your worst, your chest tightens and your breathing becomes irregular which are the first signs of a panic attack. Something San was familiar with but hadn’t seen happen in some time.

“No no no no.” San repeats, noticing the changes in your behavior and looking towards the bathroom. “Hongjoong! It’s getting worse!”

Immediately, footsteps can be heard heading in your direction, and a gentle face appears in the corner of your eye. Hongjoong slowly reaches forward, grasping the hand that had begun curling in on itself to the point of almost drawing blood and pulling it away from your chest.

“Sweetie, grab my hand and squeeze that instead. You won’t hurt me, I swear.” Hongjoong whispers, slowly working his nimble fingers between your clenched ones. It comes as a surprise to him when, instead of resisting, your hand flies open into a rigid position. “Shh… it’s okay sweet-heart. How about this. Follow this.”

Your hand is placed on a firm and warm chest, a slight bump hitting your palm and drawing your attention to the pattern. It’s his heartbeat. Hongjoong’s pulse creates a rhythm in your head, distracting you from your fears and disdain towards yourself momentarily while Seonghwa and Yunho both return to the room, one holding medical supplies and the other holding a bowl with warm water and a towel. Crouching in front of you, Seonghwa notices the hand on Hongjoong’s chest is the one that’s injured, glancing at San who is fighting back tears as he strokes your hair.

“Y/n-ah. We have to clean your hand. Put your hand on San’s chest, follow his heartbeat.” Seonghwa says in a firm yet kind tone. At this point, you’ve lost almost all self-awareness, too exhausted to fight anyone as you nod partially, removing your hand from Hongjoong’s chest to place on San’s. “No sweetie. The other hand.” Seonghwa instructs, a heartbroken smile crossing his face at the sight of you behaving like a toddler who skipped their nap. You look confused, bringing your hand to your face to inspect it, finding the streaks of blood and bits of glass as a few tears trickle down your face. 

You’re not sure how long it takes for Seonghwa to properly clean your hands, or when you got changed into one of San’s shirts that fits like a dress, but as you’re lied down on the bed with San, who’s watching you intently to make sure any slight changes on your face are caught immediately, you find yourself in an almost numbed mind-frame. Too exhausted and confused to comprehend anything around you. 

Your eyes slowly close, the occasional tear slipping out only to be swiped gently away by San. San, the last thing you see before you fall into a dreamless sleep. And you are blissfully unaware of what’s to come in the morning.

As you snore softly in San’s grasp, your chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, Yunho leaves the room to clean up the mess that has been left behind with Seonghwa following closely behind, most likely to comfort the younger boy. Hongjoong reaches forward to brush hair out your eyes and slowly strokes your cheek. Who knew such a small body could take this much pain? he wonders to himself, not even beginning to understand what caused you to struggle so much and break down so devastatingly. And that’s the only way to describe your attack. Devastating.

Like a tsunami, you receded from social outings and even your true love San, and once they realized what was happening and why you’d “changed” the wave had already hit. But his main question was voiced by San.

“Hyung.” San rasps out, looking up at Hongjoong with tears streaming down his face. “Why-or how did this happen? What caused this? What are we-what am I supposed to do?” 

San’s breathing becomes labored, almost as if the weight of the situation has sat fully on his chest. He chokes on a sob, looking at you in your angelic state while pressing a gentle and wet kiss to the top of your head while crying. He clutches you to his chest, rocking slightly and burying his face in your head. Hongjoong panics, thinking he’ll wake you but settles once realizing how exhausted you must be. “Why would she keep this from me?”

“San-ah, I honestly don’t have the answer to that.” Hongjoong mumbles, holding his own tears back with a few deep breaths before looking at the pair of you. He honestly considered Ateez his family, and you became his little sister that he felt he needed to protect from the world. If only he’d realized sooner how much damage the world had already done to you. “But I do know one thing. Now more than ever, she needs us.”

San looks at his hyung and leader, absolutely wrecked from the storm of emotions that flowed between you two. “How?” he croaks out.

“I’m not sure. But what I do know is that the storm hasn’t gone and that this is only the beginning of our journey.” Hongjoong places a hand on your cheek and his other on San’s hand, squeezing slightly in hopes of reassuring the younger boy. “I see how much you need her San. And how much she needs you. She’s scared San. More so than any of us right now. Which is why we have to stay with her no matter what. No matter what she might say or do to scare us off, we have to fight through it all and show her we are here for her. Because if we don’t.” Hongjoong’s voice cracks, revealing his true emotions and the toll this whole ordeal has taken on him. “We might lose her forever.”

San sits quietly, shaking slightly from the silent tears that are being shed and pulling you closer to his chest if that was even possible, crying himself into a slumber much like you did moments prior. Hongjoong rises, tucking both of you in like he would an upset child, and walking into the bathroom. The scene that awaits him is what finally breaks his own dam of tears, collapsing next to Seonghwa and Yunho who are both crouched down. They’ve hunched over, scrubbing the white tiles of your blood and throwing glass shards away in a paper bag. Upon noticing Hongjoong, Yunho drops what’s in his hands, embracing his leader and best friend. His tears fall as well, the sight of someone as strong as Hongjoong breaking down terrifying him. 

Seonghwa wipes the few stray tears before rising, quickly finishing the task of cleaning before ushering the two broken boys out of the room. He sits Hongjoon and Yunho down, pulling out a paper and pen and titling it “Y/n’s Healing.”

“We’ll make a plan, and take this journey one step at a time. Until Y/n’s finally healed.” Seonghwa states, immediately writing steps and plans he’s already come up with in his head. And so the journey begins.

[faelicy]

Miss Faelicy I would love to get your opinion on Bingqiu.

I see people posting things like how they are "problematic" and how they don't really love each other and SQQ only feels sympathy etc. Obviously there were struggles between them as there should be (considering all that happened) and just because sqq wasn't very open and super obvious about his feelings doesn't mean they are not there..this is how I interpreted it. I would love to know your opinion

Hello! This also covers part 2 of the previous ask.

First, massive spoilers for the end of the novel. Second, a disclaimer: I despise shipwars, which I think are behind most of those comments. I hate them because it's usually all in bad faith: everyone's already committed to their interpretation of the ships, and any discussion is just a guise for justifying their preferences.

So to any readers: I don't want anything here to be used as shipwar fuel. This post is about Bingqiu's canon arc and themes. Basically, I don't know or care if Bingqiu is a good ship, but I do think it's a well-written one.

I'll start by saying directly: for most of the novel, Bingqiu is neither healthy nor romantic. And that this is not bad writing, but on purpose.

A relationship that drives one party to mental breakdown isn't healthy. A relationship where that party says it's okay to hurt or kill them can't possibly be healthy. That happened because there was something deeply wrong with their relationship, something that can't be reduced to Xin Mo, miscommunication, or LBH throwing a tropey yandere fit.

And out of all three MXTX novels, only SV lacks a love confession from the MC to the ML. Again, I don't think it's an oversight, or just because SQQ's face is too thin. There are plenty of ways MXTX could have worked a subtle one in if she really wanted to.

In my opinion, Bingqiu's narrative can be split up into four arcs: Qing Jing Peak (ch 1-27), Jin Lan City (28-43), Post-revival (29-55), and Reconciliation (56-81). Other than the first arc, where their relationship is pretty straightforward, Bingqiu spend most of the rest in direct conflict.

I'll give an overview of the arcs here, but what I truly want to say about Bingqiu starts in arc 4, so if you're impatient you can scroll down. But the overview might help add context.

Jin Lan City arc is about LBH's anger at being brutally betrayed by the one person he thought he could trust. Here he tries to force answers out of SQQ, who he believes both hates him and is a hypocrite. He's driven by a desire to return to the past, but his rage and love makes his actions contradictory: on one hand he tries to win SQQ's approval constructively, by climbing to the top of Huan Hua Palace and performing good deeds, on the other hand his belief that SQQ doesn't care about him so it's all futile anyway (reinforced by SQQ's own actions) causes him to lash out destructively, going as far as to hurt and imprison SQQ.

LBH's bitterness is portrayed very negatively, because all it does is instill despair into SQQ, until SQQ ends up believing that he's only been a blight on LBH's life, and that he must make up for it by killing himself. Whereupon LBH breaks down, regressing into a childlike state. Some might ask, why does LBH never bring up the Abyss again afterwards? It's because he gives up here. This entire arc is about getting LBH to let go of past wrongs and to stop seeking answers, whether the reader believes it's fair to him or not. Because SQQ's life is more important.

Post-revival arc then is about SQQ trying to come to terms with a blackened LBH who also loves him. Interestingly, despite SQQ's horror at realizing LBH was romantically interested in him all along, SQQ actually has a very subtle but telling secondary reaction. To explain, let's back up to the first arc.

Starting around ch 9, probably as a sign of his growing affection, SQQ begins addressing LBH as 这孩子, or "this child," in his internal monologue, instead of LBH's name. He does it once each in ch 9, 12, 17, 21, 25. However, once Jin Lan City arc starts, SQQ drops the address entirely. LBH and "child" are never brought up together except for one snarky comment on LBH's tantrum being disgracefully childish in ch 38.

At first glance this doesn't look noteworthy because LBH by this point is no longer a kid. But when LBH kisses him in ch 49, SQQ changes again: right away he returns to using "child" on LBH, and the "this child" address starts popping up at a much higher frequency. By the end of SV SQQ has referred to LBH as a child in some manner at least 35 times (yes I went and counted), with the vast majority after ch 49, and he continues to do so right into the last extra.

Why was SQQ unwilling to use this address of affection for over 20 chapters? Perhaps because he too thought LBH hated him, and couldn't bear to think about him so intimately knowing that. So SQQ immediately falling back into it the moment he learns LBH loves him is a sign of his relief. He's still dismayed at the romantic part, but though SQQ likes to deflect from his real emotions (this is the guy who focused on bad naming sense after being fatally poisoned, who cavalierly commented only after it was all over that he'd expected to die), the fact that LBH loves and doesn't hate him, means a lot.

Here SQQ's feelings towards LBH are at their most complicated. He still assumes the worst of him like in Jin Lan City, but now because of the above, also sees a lonely child whenever LBH is unhappy and lost. It's like he has two filters actively interfering with each other, "crazed criminal" and "pitiful child," and so he flip-flops between pushing LBH away and comforting him. But when LBH drags CQMS into it, and even seemingly takes advantage of SQQ's love for him, SQQ's negative image and frustration with him only grows, until he finally snaps and tells LBH to never come near him again.

At this point SQQ still believes that LBH is the same black-hearted, invincible, devil incarnate that og!LBH was portrayed to be. The Reconciliation arc starts by chipping away at this filter that's been plaguing SQQ for so long. First the revelation that TLJ/ZZL was behind the sowers, thus clearing LBH's name at Jin Lan City. Then we see how unloved he is by his own father; we see him injured and helpless and unconscious. Meng Mo yells at SQQ, reinforcing that image of a vulnerable, terrified child. So by ch 62 SQQ has thrown away the "crazed criminal" filter completely, and in that same chapter they cling to each other and finally make up. Because while it's true that the current LBH is misanthropic, antisocial, and mercurial, SQQ has also finally accepted that he's still the same LBH he'd raised and doted on, back on Qing Jing Peak.

Now I'm going to talk about what I see as the most important part of Bingqiu. Yes, despite the wall of text already.

A common sentiment of Bingqiu shippers about their issues seems to be, "SQQ is dumb and oblivious; he can't figure out what LBH needs even though he loves him because he sees LBH as a novel character," but I think the problem is far more complicated and insidious than that. If that was everything, why give SQQ the epiphany that he misunderstood LBH so early? Why have him think in ch 66 that "truthfully, he'd never really trusted Luo Binghe, and that's why he kept accidentally hurting him?" If he's already realized that he shouldn't treat LBH like og!LBH (he even meets og!LBH in ch 71 to rub it in further), why do we go another 13 chapters believing their relationship is good and well, even giving us a sweet, happy moment in ch 75, only to show LBH having the worst breakdown of the novel just 4 chapters later? Was it all just padding to demonstrate the danger of Xin Mo?

Or is there something else beneath the surface?

In ch 66, the same chapter where SQQ implies he doesn't want to accidentally hurt LBH anymore, he says something telling. When LQG is skeptical that LBH can be trusted, SQQ thinks, 家里孩子不懂事，大人不容易做, or "when your child doesn't know any better, as the adult you don't have it easy." The child here of course refers to LBH, and the adult is SQQ, who's complaining about smoothing over LBH's messes. But what is SQQ implying here?

Doesn't know any better? That's what you say about a toddler who can't think for themselves, not a grown man. LBH is 25 and SQQ thinks he doesn't know better. Doesn't know better about what? LBH's wants, his needs? His feelings? Or even what's good for him?

And then you realize that's exactly how SQQ's always treated him, like a helpless child who can't make his own choices.

It's SQQ who chooses to throw LBH down into the Abyss without trying to talk to him. It's SQQ who decides that keeping silent is the best choice. It's SQQ who believes self-destructing in front of LBH will help, who thinks that breaking off their relationship is for the better. And it's SQQ who scolds LBH into tolerating CQMS, even though they hate each other and CQMS is hostile towards him. Who forces him to leave first at Zhao Hua Temple despite LBH's pleas otherwise, who shoos him out the window when CQMS walks in on them.

Every single one of these decisions, SQQ made believing it was for the best (repair LBH's relationship with his family, help him avoid arrest, not wanting to make excuses, wanting LBH to be free of his hatred), and every single one of them only damaged LBH further. Because SQQ's never listened to him, even once. Never consulted him or considered his feelings.

(And LBH did try to bring up his feelings on one of the matters in ch 75. He insinuates to SQQ that he doesn't like LQG calling him "little beast" or "ingrate." And SQQ's response is to dismiss them entirely, saying that LQG's "not wrong.")

SQQ has always loved LBH, but he's never once respected LBH's agency or personhood. Because LBH doesn't know better and SQQ does, so SQQ must make all his decisions for him.

And this, amplified by Xin Mo, is what finally drives LBH mad in ch 79.

To LBH, the important part isn't whether SQQ loves him, which I think he knew after ch 43 (it's why he can be so daring and pushy with SQQ's boundaries). What's important is that the moment SQQ believes abandoning LBH is justified for whatever reason again, SQQ absolutely will.

Ch 80's two-way noncon (since LBH was basically unconscious and couldn't consent) tends to draw most of the attention, but I actually think that what happens afterwards is one of the most important scenes for Bingqiu. There SQQ tries to sacrifice himself a second time for LBH, drawing Xin Mo's demonic qi into his body. Yet the novel claims that SQQ's actions here are completely different than in ch 43. SQQ himself says that this time he's doing it for LBH, while last time he was doing it for himself. But can the reader see a functional difference?

There is one, in fact: it's SQQ's response to LBH's choice afterwards. LBH decides to follow SQQ in death, even though this would void the point of SQQ's sacrifice. But instead of insisting otherwise, SQQ just accepts it. Because he finally understands that whether LBH's life is worth living, whether LBH will be better off, is for LBH and only LBH to decide.

It's the first time he respects LBH's agency. And this is the only reason why he and LBH can finally begin building a healthy relationship on the mess they've had up to now.

So that's what I see as the true beauty behind Bingqiu. It's about communication and mistaken assumptions, yes, but it's also about the nature of love between parent and child. The romantic developments were left to the extras, I believe, because this was the main story MXTX wanted to tell with them. Their relationship as lovers only starts afterwards, hence why SV ends with, "the story between you and I, has only just begun." It was never meant to be a whirlwind romance where they fall in love cleanly. It might not to be to everyone's tastes, but an incredible amount of thought was put into the narrative, and that's what amazed me when I first finished this novel.

(This post went on way too long and I ended up cutting off a huge chunk of tangential stuff and how SQQ came to his realization in ch 79: he didn't do it alone. It took him seeing the LBH in TLJ and the himself in YQY for him to understand. In fact, YQY and og!SQQ's relationship has a similar parent-and-child dynamic. I've touched on it before on twitter; if there's interest I might try writing that up here too.)

[popurikat]

Trying to make sense of parts of Future (Mystery Skulls)

Since my last analysis went so well I thought I’d make this post as well, especially because Future really did confuse me and I know others might be lost as well; so lets discuss this together! It will be lengthy as I am basically spewing my thoughts out right on the videos immediate release date (there will be a read more option after my first thought to avoid long positng). Well first things first, I wanna address that I've been curious about what kind of spirit Arthur's arm could be (since I am not too well acquainted with any canon on its background part at least) and I think I have concluded that the closest thing to it could be is a Tenome; which is a Yochai that possesses a man's body and moves the eyes to the palms. "found lurking in cemeteries, hands outstretched, as if he has only recently lost his vision and is searching for something. Get close enough, and you’ll find out in quick succession that a) he’s not blind, but looking with eyes embedded in his hands, and b) what he’s looking for is a snack." (fyi, most of my mythos information is coming from Wiki just as a heads up)

And sure enough he found a great source for his hunger. Something he has been EYEING since the start. Which now leads me to my next points on the video...

At first watch I was convinced that each strand found on Mystery’s heart represented a singular soul bond, I thought that blue was for Vivi, Green was for the hand, pink for Lewis, purple for Shiro, Yellow for Lance, Orange for Arthur, and black and white were unknown. Which, didn’t settle right for me. SO I went in and re-watched the clip a couple more times and saw this:

Vivi’s (blue created after she got hurt) and Shiro’s (white created after she died) strands were connected to the strands located next to them. A start and an end. Mystery’s promise to Vivi to stay at her side for generations as he was spared upon prior defeat of Mushi. And then of course we have the promise of power and sustenance for Shrio as they held a symbiotic relationship for most of their lives that was only severed due to an interference. These double strands of fate are especially clearer in the scene with Shiro in Future. As the black strand gets clearer the more she gets injured or emotionally hurt, it eventually leads to the leak of the white strand on her death. Meaning; Black/white=Shiro; Purple/Pink=Lewis; Blue/Green: Vivi; and Orange/Yellow: Arthur. And why am I inclined to believe Lewis and Arthur are apart of Mystery’s heart? Well that's because those two were the only ones fully streaming before Vivi’s and Shiro’s appeared. We know that Arthur lost an arm to Mystery and discovered his identity (ergo losing most of his trust in him) insinuating both strands to arise early on of his color scheme, as well as with Lewis’ death occurring under the protection of Mystery when they were grouped and having his soul go restless/ in pain. It wouldn’t make sense to add family members or side characters not included in the mainline story to this grouping unless they would play an important role in the finale, which isn’t likely since we have only one more video left as Ben stated it was going to be a 5 video series. I am also inclined to believe each person has two strands because of Kitsune lore: “ Kitsune keep their promises and strive to repay any favor. Occasionally a kitsune attaches itself to a person or household. They follow their word of honor. They become self-destructive if they break a promise, and when someone else breaks a promise, they become deadly enemies.” Plus, It would make sense as to why in this short battle Mystery sprouted his last 3 tails when it came to Vivi and Shiro and how their connections affect his power. (more on this in a bit) But, furthermore; if anyone else notices, the Band-Aids on the heart are also remotely located on the sections of Vivi’s and Shiro’s strands specifically because for both, Mystery has vowed to protect them and has failed. 

Now then lets talk about a few things on Mystery’s ultimate form shall we? The final form of a Kitsune, its celestial form as shown here is called a Tenko. (yes I am aware of the Kumiho, but that is a fully evil, flesh eating, 9 tailed fox that specialize in illusions and well Mystery has never been portrayed as human). The Tenko makes even more sense when taken into consideration that Mystery’s third eye (typically a form of wisdom connected to overpowering the mortality of ones self) opens. So how was this done in such a short amount of time? “Kitsune do not accept aid from those who are not willing. they do not ask for help, and as such, most aid must come from another's initiative. Kitsune are emotional and very vengeful. Kitsune will lose their temper at the slightest provocation. Once someone has earned a kitsune's enmity, the kitsune will begin enacting revenge that can become quite extreme. On the other hand, those who have earned a kitsune's trust and loyalty will see a friendship that can last through many trials. Freedom is very important to the kitsune. They do not accept being forced into something they do not wish, and do not like being bound or trapped. Doing so weakens the kitsune.” Mystery as we know is very much controlled by his emotions, going head first into things constantly based on reaction and his inability to control his power under distress. His tails arose in the fight sequence every time he fulfilled his oath AND used 100% of his form/power. Therefore, his tails grew because he wasn’t holding back anymore, not his grievances, not his appearance, nor his hesitance in his evident distress of being bound to two entities that both required his aid.  My last note on these images comes from a tumblr user’s reverse audio clipping (https://nebulous-rain.tumblr.com/post/633555549749952512/ok-so-yknow-that-one-reversed-part-of-future). The rewind of the clip of Mystery’s transformation plays “When I’m With You”, which yes, cool a possible Easter egg to the next song! BUT what is this song about? Let me just bring up the first line of the song: “You got me hanging by a THREAD...I wish I could turn back time...I wish I could rewind life...” and before the chorus “I’m gonna make it right”. We know that this can refer to rectifying the wrongs of Lewis’ death, but more accurately to do so we need to defeat the evil inside this mutt that is pulling the strings of this whole fiasco. And this might just be the intro portion of the next mystery skulls mind you as we’ve also gotten many false starts with the previous two videos where hellbent used “every note” and future used “enemies” alongside the main song. BUT WE HAVE TWO YEARS ANYWAY, WHY BABBLE ON ABOUT THIS. LETS MOVE ON!

Hearts in this series have not been just for identifying the dead or for aesthetic purposes, they are the life force of each powerful legend. I am actually surprised to see Shiro have a heart as she started off as a creation from Mystery and therefore her lifeforce is just his blood and without it she is nothing. I am curious about her color pallet though, her heart is purple and pink. Lewis’ is gold/yellow with touches of orange. And Mystery’s is just red, but it has a mix of everyone’s essence within it to keep it tied and whole. Shiro’s could be colored this way in reference to Lewis’ aid to help find her creator; which would explain why Mystery surrounds himself by color as he required outside help and how Lewis’ heart is yellow in reference to how recently Arthur helped him remember his friends/hidden memories. One thing we have learned about hearts is that they can be broken repeatedly and can be ripped apart from the body, but they can be repaired too through resolution/hope. Lewis restored his heart in hellbent by using Vivi’s flower petals and finding hope that he will get revenge, only for his heart to be repaired again through Arthur’s touch. Shiro may have withered away, but her heart is essentially not broken, she’d need Mystery to restore it as it was flung into space (and that again relies on Mystery finding his sanity and finding it in himself to even bring her back). And as for Mystery himself, he’s gonna need the whole gang to reach out to him to extract the parasite within and restore balance. I really want to know more about the heart properties and how they give their users their powers as well Vivi is able to summon her strength through a material connection (bat) that function in its own way as the vessel a heart does since its connecting her to her ancestry.

NOW to finalize, I offer you two queries:

WHO IS ARTHURS HAND REACHING FOR!? I know it seems like Mystery, but that would be counter productive for the hand demon if he has Arthur interfering with his control. Is it still after Lewis as we’ve seen previous times where his arm acts up only in Lewis’ presence and when specifically other “magic” is at play? If so, is the goal to ward off Lewis and Vivi from defeating Mystery? Is Arthur gonna use the arm to find his own power as we’ve seen when he is able to momentarily cease control of it he kinda ruins anything electrical he touches and well, electricity is currently running rampant in there.

and lastly, I am really curious how touch sensitive hearts are, We know that even the smallest of brushes can detect memory/links to the person holding it (as seen with how Shiro managed to get soul flowers in hellbent), but the fact that Lewis was so in touch with the feeling of Arthur EVEN THOUGH ARTHUR GRABBED HIS HEART THROUGH HIS METAL HAND MIND YOU!, that he still managed to feel the disturbance instantly. So my question is, is the touch sensitivity reliant on how close someone is to someone? I would like to say yes cause when Shiro touched his heart he didn’t react instantly, he felt her rummaging his memories and was awoken, but he didn’t kick her butt by fully reforming until after she had long since stepped on his heart and then forced the memory of Mystery to arise. But yeah, its a nice little detail.

Either way, thanks for reading! Feel free to add on, comment, or even dm me about more Mystery Skulls information and theories! Love to hear them!

[avengerscompound]

Small Gods: Lost Objects - 7

Lost Objects:  A Thor Fanfic

Lost Objects Masterlist | More Small Gods PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Thor x F!Reader

Rating: E

Word Count:  2294

Warnings: Nothing for this chapter

Synopsis: Thor has lost a lot in a very short period of time and he’s worried about losing himself too.  He goes to the one person who understands loss.

Chapter 7

After Thor had told Loki the whole story of everything that had happened since Loki had taken the Tesseract and run, marking the point this Loki diverged from Thor’s life, the trickster god had been quiet and introspective.  He wandered around the large space that made up your cottage on the hill, inspecting the hoards of items that had found their way to you.

He didn’t participate in any further discussion about how Mjolnir might be repaired, and he’d wander off and return at random intervals.  Over the course of the day, Thor found him gathering a strange collection of items together by the couch he’d been sleeping on.  Thor didn’t take a very close look but he did notice a collection of jewelry with large crystals in the settings, some pressed flowers, a collection of mismatched jars, some half-melted decorative candles, and a collection of keys.

Thor was suspicious of his brother.  He’d learned from experience that he should always expect even the least possible outcomes when Loki was around, and this particular version of his brother was the one who still had raw and open wounds from fighting with his family and finding out the truth about his heritage.  Thor left him alone though, most of his attention turned to the repair of his hammer.

There was talk about going to Nidavellir.  There were many reasons that that might not work.  For starters; it was a lot to ask of Eitri now he was alone and without the use of his hands.  Besides, the dwarf had already made one weapon for Thor, and Thor was reluctant to ask for more.  Even if he did, it wouldn’t be quick.  A new mold for Mjolnir would have to be made, and the forge would need to be repaired.  Thor was fine with staying and helping as long as he could, but he couldn’t expect you and Loki to do that.  Not to mention, if he did that, would it even be Mjolnir anymore or just a new hammer made from the old metal?

The other option was to see if it was possible to repair it here using a mixture of each of your abilities.  You seemed to think it might be possible by using Loki’s magic, your powers to gather lost objects, and Thor’s lightning.  The question was if it was possible to hold all the tiny fragments in their correct place and would it be weaker due to the thousands of joins?

“It’s your choice, Thor,” you said.  “She belongs to you.  Only you can decide how to repair her.”

He looked over at his brother, he’d returned to the couch with another assortment of items.  This time he seemed to add a leather-bound notebook, an ancient-looking quill, and some equally ancient coins.

“I suppose repairing it would be best,” Thor said, finally.  “If that fails I can always take the pieces to Nidavellir, but repairing it here will be something we can try sooner, and it would mean that it would be my Mjolnir.  Perhaps not as pristine as it once was - but I am a little worse for wear too.”

You leaned over and kissed him gently.  “I will miss you when you leave.”

“Who said I was leaving?”  Thor asked.

You shrugged.  “You’ll wither if you stay here with me.  You know that as well as I do.”

Thor didn’t say anything for a moment.  He did know it was true, but he wasn’t ready to go yet, and he dreaded leaving you now that he’d found you.  “Well, not today,” he said brightly, breaking the silence.  “Loki!  Brother, come here.”

Loki slunk into the room and looked him over.  “You summoned me,” he deadpanned.

“You know that’s not how I meant it,” Thor argued.  “I just wanted to speak to you about Mjolnir.  Do you have a spell you can use that will help us hold it together?”

“About that,” Loki said, taking a seat.  “I’ve been considering your -” he waved his hand around as he tried to summon the correct word.  “- Circumstance,” he settled on eventually.  “I want to gift you this -” he flicked his wrist and seemed to reach into space itself before pulling out his horned helm.  Or at least one of them.

“What would I do with your crown, Loki?  I have my own helm,” he asked.  “Though I do appreciate the gift.”

“I don’t expect you to wear it, but it is Uru and it was crafted in Asgard.  It contains its own magical properties that might be useful,” he said.  “If we melt it down, you can use it as the glue to hold Mjolnir together.”  He waved his hand again like he was trying to avoid something unpleasant.  “Besides, I have many.”

Thor was genuinely touched by the gesture.  Tears pricked his eyes and he went to pull Loki into a bear hug.  Loki was ready for him though and he pushed his chair back, avoiding the embrace.  “Control yourself, brother,” Loki teased.  “I’m not done.”

Thor looked at him curiously, picking up the helm from the table and turning it over in his hands.  “What else have you been scheming?”

“Scheming, brother?  That makes it sound so base level,” he said.  “But I have been working on something.”  He paused and tapped his fingers on the table like he was considering how best to phrase his plan.  Thor was used to that look, it usually meant there was some trickery to it, and Loki was considering his words carefully so that no one would notice.

“The tale you told me of your life since we diverged,” Loki said.  “It touched me, brother.  It is tragic that you should have to live your life without a version of me in it.  But you and I both know, I cannot stay here.  The TVA will be looking for me as we speak and they are not bound by barriers of time or space.  And the whole reason they arrested me in the first place was due to my universe hopping.  I need to keep moving.  So… I believe that the three of us together may be able to create a device - a key - that if used will bring us back together.  Then you will not have to worry about living in a world without my presence.  Won’t that be nice?”

Thor didn’t respond.  Partly due to the shock of the offer.  It appeared completely selfless.  Loki and Thor had been close as children but that had been a long time ago, and as much as Thor had wanted to maintain his relationship with his brother, it had always been a struggle.  Yet here was Loki - the version of Loki full of the most rage and hurt - and he was offering an olive branch to him.  Was there some kind of plan he was cooking up and Thor would inevitably be burned yet again, or did his brother pity him so much that he’d offer him this one small thing?

“Loki, if this is some trick...”  Thor warned.

“You wound me, brother,” Loki said, putting his hand on his heart.  Something in his face changed and his whole demeanor shifted.  “Not to get sentimental on you or anything, but … I worry about you, brother.  What you’ve been through… If having a way to contact me will give you some relief, then it is a minor inconvenience to me to do so.”

Thor nodded and put his hand on Loki’s shoulder.  “I thank you.”

“And… I can make one for this -” he waved his hand at you dismissively.  “If you would desire.  Then when you decide you’re ready to continue your adventures, you will have an instant portal back to her.”

Thor couldn’t hold back, he grabbed Loki’s arm and pulled him into a tight hug.  Loki sighed as he let his brother hug him and then slowly pushed back.  “Yes, yes, I am wonderful,” he said.  “No need to crush me.”

“How did you propose we do this, Loki?”  You asked.

The three of you moved outside.  While Thor lit a fire and burned it hot enough to smelt the metal of Loki’s helm, Loki set up the things he had gathered together.  He’d created a circle in the clearing using the items he’d been collecting in the house.  He had pulled the gems from their respective pieces of jewelry and set them up around the edge of the circle.  There were three pieces of amethyst spaced evenly apart in the circle’s edge and sitting on each piece was a key.

The circle’s center contained the tray where Mjolnir’s parts lay and beside it a glass jar that already held an ancient coin.

“How fare thee, brother?”  Loki asked.

“Almost ready,” Thor said.  “What would you have me do with it?”

“Just leave it.  When it’s liquid - assuming this works - it will be called during the spell,” Loki said.

Thor watched as the last of Loki’s horned helmet collapsed into the molten pool of metal.

“Now, you -” Loki said, gesturing to you.  “Come by me.  I need you to tap into the power you use when you’re sending things back to their rightful owners.  Only think about returning Mjolnir to Thor as it would look complete.”

You nodded and moved next to Loki.  “Thor - you stand here.  I need you to think about how badly you wish for your hammer to be returned to you, and how much you both believe in and feel for your lover.  When the time comes, you will need to summon forth a lightning bolt.  It needs to be powerful and after it hits Mjolnir, I need for it to split and hit each of the keys.”

Thor moved beside Loki, so you were each standing around Mjolnir in a small circle within the larger one.  Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  He began to read from the notebook he had collected.  He spoke an ancient and primitive tongue that even with the power of Allspeak Thor had difficulty understanding.  It was a language that went back to the beginnings of the universe when his great-grandfather Buri ruled the vast emptiness of space.  He dropped some dried flowers into the jar as he spoke, they sparked as they fell and landed in the jar burning with an emerald green flame.

Thor turned his attention to you and his hammer.  Wishing for its return while also basking in the love he had for you and his faith in your abilities.  Your eyes began to glow, deep gold and wisps of the golden light leaked from the corners.  Loki tore off a sheet of paper and dropped it into the jar with the coin and the flowers and he waved his free hand.  Green light swirled out from his fingers and around Mjolnir and both the handle and the shards began to drift up into the sky.

As Loki continued to read and drop different items into the jar, the feather from the quill, herbs, drops of wine and more sheets from the book the light that emitted both from him and the jar grew brighter.  The gold that you emitted increased too and the two colors mixed in the air around his hammer as it began to form the shape he recognized.

When it looked like his hammer, Loki gestured to the molten metal on the outside of the circle and beckoned to it.  It rose in a long tendril of glowing red liquid and floated to the hammer, seeping into the cracks and sealing them together.  Thor began to summon the weather, his eyes leaking blue plasma adding to the green and gold in the air.  As the last of the molten metal disappeared into the Hammer, Thor called forth a bolt of lightning.  It shattered through the air with an ear-splitting crack of thunder.  When it hit Mjolnir the whole thing glowed red and was swallowed but a flare of gold, blue, and green light.  The lightning forked into three, each bolt passing through a person before hitting the keys on the ground.

Everything turned white, and as the color gradually returned to the world Thor held out his hand, and Mjolnir flew into it.

The hammer had changed, no more was it unblemished.  The silver face was marked with a web of gold that made it more beautiful than ever.  It had been healed and while it carried scars, it now glittered with them.

Thor held it against his chest.  “Thank you, brother,” he whispered.

Loki smiled and touched Thor’s arm softly.  “Don’t get all weepy on me,” he teased.

You went and collected the keys up from the circle.  “Did it work?”  You asked.

Loki took them from you and closed his eyes as he clutched them in his hand.  “I believe so,” he said as he opened his eyes again.  “They have been charged with each of our magic, along with Mjolnir’s.  Our magic connects them, they are ours and ours alone.  But with your ability to call to you what is lost, and Mjolnir’s ability to be called by its rightful owner - when we wish to see one of the others we only need to call to them as we use the key on a door.  It will open that door directly to them.”

Thor pulled both you and Loki into a tight embrace.  He had never been so thankful for something Loki did, and he was glad to have his brother back in his life again.  This felt like a turning point.  A way for him to be truly happy again.  “Come,” he said, as he loosened his grip.  “Let us feast together.  We have much to celebrate.”

// NEXT

[bartholomewillustrated]

Hello there! Just wanted to say i'm in love with the way you draw Heisenberg, and I'm also really curious to know if you have a headcanon/backstory for Heisenberg as a trans male, how was his life when he was younger and when Miranda took him as a test subject, how he met the other lords and what was his initial relationships with them 🤔

Ohhh thank you!!!! It always makes me so happy to hear people love my Heisenberg!! I draw him very particularly and its good to know other people like it too 😊

Ooooooo yes!!! I do actually.. i don't talk about my headcanons or anything else much these days because that's not really my scene anymore within fandom spaces... (And also this is my art blog so I don't talk much in general lol)

Buuuut since you asked :>c

- I prescribe to the idea that Karl was given to Miranda when he was young; like Donna he was the child of one of the villages prominent families. He was the perfect candidate to become Eva's vessel, close to the right age, the "right gender", showed a strong affinity for Cadou in initial tests.. and so he was inducted into Miranda's Family

-After getting his Cadou he was put into Alcina's care at the castle (she did not have the girls yet, and he was far too young to get the factory)

(-sidenote headcanon that's only slightly related; I imagine Alcinia is somewhat the impetus for Karl's rebellion, when he was first inducted to the family she defended him and protected him from Miranda immediately taking him to become Eva. They were never like Best Buds but once it became clear that lady Dimitrescu stood with Miranda in the long run the hatred really started to boil, Karl felt deeply betrayed and so did Alcina in many ways, and the pairs relationship became strained and complcated)

-he was the last lord brought on after donna (Moreau was the first, then Alci) (i'll admit i haven't thought about his early relationship with them as much..)

- He realised he was trans fairly young as well, still a good few years under Miranda's control, but young none-the-less. Just a quiet, private revaltion after coming back to the castle one night (he used to break out a lot and just wander around the village, or seek out Urias and repair tractors and various machines, always came back Filthy) I imagine it was like.. a pressure building in him over time, just comments from Urias and Alcina, feelings about how he was expected to act and dress as a psuedo-member of house Dimitrescu and a Lord and the dam just kinda broke one night and he was like OH... /OHHHHH/

-It became a sort of quest of reclamation for him, taking back at least a bit of his autonomy, ruining Miranda's plan for him, and starting him down the path to his ultimate plans to eliminate miranda (honestly Karl being trans excites me the most because of what it kinda.. adds to his narrative in this way, I made a post about it on my main i'll link here)

-he came out to the Duke first, I like to imagine they're close (though the duke is close to everyone) and the duke is the one who provides his testosterone, either that or heis has some way to extract it from the bodies he makes his soldats out of lmao.. but probably the duke. (I have the cu t e s t conversation in my head about this.. perhaps some day i'll illustrate it)

-karl is an old family name

-he was still allowed to live in the castle after coming out, he left to reclaim the factory after he fell out with alcina over his first planned rebellion

-he did try to pull the other lords+Villagers into his cause at certain points but they all rejected him, which immediately soured his opinions of them all which only grew worse over time..

Aaaand I think that's about? It? At least for you g Karl... Honestly i have less Headcanons for everything as much as I like.. have thoughts about motivations and feelings and who they are etc etc..

I'm also not great at putting my thoughts into clever short phrases fjdjskfnf sorry this got so long???

[pillage-and-lute]

Thicker Than Water (Part 4)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 (here) Part 5, Part 6, Part 7,  Part 8

Ao3 link HERE

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He awoke sore and badly rested, tears dried on his face.

Jaskier made it through the next day. He ate a little of the food Ciri offered him, only because when he tried to decline the first time her eyes got large and her bottom lip showed just the barest hint of a tremble. He couldn’t bear it. The dry horse bread that was usual for traveling rations crumbled in his mouth. He was so hungry, it was one of the best things he’d ever tasted. 

Jaskier couldn’t bring himself to even unsling his lute from his shoulder during their trek. His fingers itched to play, of course. He continued his story for Ciri and in his mind he played music for the background, he just couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t sell his lute in this next town, but before they reached Kaer Morhen he would have to. It would give them money, and he wouldn’t be a burden. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and continued telling Ciri the story. 

He noticed a bit before mid day that Geralt was watching him. That wasn’t out of sorts, of course. Yennefer and Ciri were watching him too, he was an excellent storyteller and the tale was enthralling. Geralt didn’t seem to be paying attention to the story though. He was staring-- glowering--brow low and furrowed, at Jaskier. 

Jaskier felt hurt lance through him and he almost staggered, avoiding Geralt’s gaze. He knew Geralt didn’t want him along, didn’t want him at all, but he couldn’t even pretend? He couldn’t go back to their relationship before? Not the warm, almost companionable silences that had been nurtured between them, but the grunts and stone faced silence of the beginning of their acquaintance.  

Jaskier breathed through the pain in his chest. Twenty years of silences, all kinds of them, stony and friendly and sleepy and painful and quietly nice. But they were back to the beginning, or worse, Geralt angry and Jaskier’s voice filling in places it didn’t belong.

“Jaskier?”

That was Ciri, and Jaskier realized that he’d actually trailed off mid-sentence. 

“Sorry little highness,” he smiled and gave a funny little bow. “I’m but a simple entertainer, a poet and a fool, sometimes my mind runs away from me.”

“Fool is right,” Yennefer snorted. It wasn’t totally unkind, but it still stung. It stung even more when Geralt, so taciturn all day, snorted with laughter at her comment. Jaskier felt his ears burn and his chest ache.

“Now, where was I?”

“The king’s son met the North Wind,” Ciri said, matching Jaskier’s steps. “And he has to beat him in a game of wit to gain knowledge of where the sorcerer’s daughter was taken, that’s what you said, but you didn’t tell us what game yet.”

At least someone treasured his words, Jaskier thought. Although they weren’t worth much, he threw one out after the other. 

Like garbage, whispered the back of his mind.

“Ah yes,” he said instead. “the North Wind sat before the king’s son, and laid out a chess set made of ice and wind.”

“How can chess pieces be made of wind?”

Jaskier smiled, Ciri asked questions at all the right places. “The North Wind wanders, he goes everywhere, blowing cold breath across The Continent. When the North Wind is present and we breath our breath can be seen.” Jaskier smiled here and added an aside, “My little sister used to call it dragon smoke. But by the same magic that gives the North Wind a body to walk the world, he can take our frozen breath and turn it cold and solid as glass.”

Jaskier let himself tell the story on autopilot. His feet ached. He’d been darning the socks he was wearing for a year or more, but he wasn’t good at it and the lumps were rubbing his toes raw. Worse than that, the soles of his boots were almost worn through. Just one more thing he’d have to buy.

He felt ashamed of himself. His boots had been going thin for a while, and instead of saving his coin and getting them repaired or just buying new ones, he’d drowned himself in drink, feeling sorry. Oh, he hadn’t known he would be making a trip up a mountain, but he needed boots regardless. No wonder Geralt had always been upset with him, he always put pleasure over sense, couldn’t even spend coin sensibly.

Couldn’t darn socks, couldn’t budget his coin, couldn’t shut up. A fool.

He stumbled on a tree root and nearly swore. Couldn’t even walk right. One of the blisters building on his foot had burst, he was sure. It was easy to tell, the pain had gone from a rubbing ache to stinging and warm. Only years of practice and performance kept him from interrupting the story.

Something must have shown on his face though, or his scent changed or whatever because Geralt was staring at him intently. That face, always so unreadable. 

Jaskier wasn’t going to give him anything else to scowl about. He kept walking, keeping the story rolling and his voice light. His bones ached. He had to stop for just a moment when a button, long past hanging loosely on his doublet, finally pulled free. He picked it up and the head rush nearly took him to the ground. He’d eaten little, slept poorly, and the only food he’d had in a long time before this was ale. He blinked the grey from his vision, trying not to let the panic show when it didn’t go away as quickly as he’d have liked.

It was okay. It was all going to be okay. They’d make it to the village by nightfall. They wouldn’t sleep there of course but he could get proper food. Maybe even slip away and catch a quick nap in a stable or hayloft or something. His whole body was buzzing with a sort of exhausted energy and his heart was pounding.

Jaskier reflected that he hadn’t been well before meeting up with Geralt and his little family. He’d been sick with drink and heartache and had not enough food then too. 

Smile through the pain.

This wasn’t even bad as performances could go. Once he’d actually broken a finger just before a set at Oxenfurt. Simple clumsiness, he’d closed his index finger in a door, but he’d played his whole set, with a perfect score from his professor.

It grew darker, the sun just setting when they reached a field at the edge of the town. It was a large open field and, in warmer months, it was likely home to fairs and large market days. Probably in these rural areas people traveled for a week to bring their goods and livestock to this town. It didn’t matter now, mid autumn settling into late autumn. To Jaskier the town was nameless. 

They set up camp in the field. It left them exposed to being seen, but they hid themselves behind a small rise on the edge of the field, blocking them mostly from sight. Still, Geralt seemed on edge. Jaskier wasn’t sure it was about the camp. Geralt kept looking over at him with his eyebrows pressed together. Whenever he did that it formed this little crease right between his brows that Jaskier wanted to kiss away.

Jaskier bit his lip, hard, to focus on anything other than that.

The three of them sat, too tired to talk much more. Jaskier had finished most of the story and decided to leave the rest for the next day they were traveling a lot, to give Ciri something else to think about. She was definitely Calanthe’s blood. They traveled all day and she never complained, but also told them when she needed to stop, advocating for herself in no uncertain terms. It was the princess herself who interrupted his thoughts.

“You said you had a sister, do you have lots of siblings?”

“Not really,” Jaskier said, settling down on the ground and feeling his bones pop. His blisters were definitely bleeding inside his boots too. “Two older brothers, Henrik and Teodor, and I had a younger sister, Lotte.”

“Had?”

“She was sickly, always too small for her age,” Jaskier said quietly. “I learned the lute for her, at first. She liked music and was often bedridden. A fever took her when she was about your age.” Jaskier looked down at his battered boots. 

“I’m sorry,” Ciri whispered. 

“It’s allright little highness, it’s been almost thirty years now. Time flies.”

“I didn’t know you had siblings,” Geralt said. It was growly, but Geralt always used that tone.

“You never really asked.”

Dinner was a quiet affair. Jaskier ate the last of the rations in his pack, waving away Ciri’s offerings and showing her his food as proof that he had some. It didn’t really settle the hunger that had been eating him from the inside out all day, but at this point he figured he could eat a mountain and still have room for dessert.

“Tomorrow,” Geralt said gruffly once dinner was cleared away. “We don’t all enter the town as a group. Yen and Ciri go together. I go alone. Jaskier goes alone.”

Jaskier nodded, so did Ciri and Yennefer.

“If we see eachother, act as though we don’t know eachother,” Geralt said, then he turned his gaze on Jaskier. “Don’t attract too much attention.”

Jaskier bristled at getting his own private reprimand. “I’m a bard, Geralt,” he said. “How am I supposed to earn coin if I don’t play.”

Geralt grunted. “I didn’t say don’t play just no... don’t do the whole...” he gestured a vauge hand. 

“The whole...me?” Jaskier said sarcastically. He was pulling at the lion’s tail he knew, but he was in pain and tired and hungry and Geralt had no right to be so cruel.

“The whole bright colors, loud and annoying thing. Country bard, not court bard, got it?”

Loud and annoying.

“Got it,” Jaskier said, looking back down at his boots. He didn’t say that none of his clothes could have passed for courtly anymore anyway. 

They set about getting ready for bed. Ciri gave him a quick hug before she and Yennefer disappeared into their magical tent. Jaskier sat and pulled off his boots, not letting a single flicker of pain show on his face. He knew Geralt would be able to smell blood, but Geralt had gone to get water from the nearby river. He had to peel his socks off and yes, there was blood there, by now stuck into the threadbare fabric. He let himself wince then. He rinsed off the wounds but he was without bandages, so he just dried off the area and put his other pair of socks on. He only had the two pairs anyway, but at least the blisters would stay dry. 

He rolled himself into his bedroll and thought of tomorrow. At least there were no tree roots here.

The next day dawned slowly, instead of bright pinks and oranges it was a kind of runny yellow that just leeched into the sky before fading into early morning blue. Jaskier watched in admiration as Yennefer changed Geralt’s hair to short and dark, and then gave herself brown eyes and a slightly different bone structure. To look at both of them was odd, because Jaskier could see the similarities. Yennefer’s nose was changed and her cheekbones were a little different, but it was still her, and Geralt just looked like a different, although quite handsome, version of himself. Ciri was simply given mousy brown hair and some extra freckles.

Just like that, the perfect and all powerful family looked like two normal people and one witcher who was still clearly a witcher but not the white wolf. Jaskier shouldered his lute. He’d cleaned up the scruff he’d been growing into a more respectable look and with his longer hair and tatty cloak he looked like any poor traveling musician. If he’d traded the lute for a shortbow he could have looked like a woodsman, totally nondescript.

He was entering from a different direction, so as not to arouse suspicion, and so was Geralt. Jaskier began walking around, so that he could enter from the east. Yen and Ciri would walk into town the closest direction, and Geralt was entering from the west. This early, it was unlikely they would have been seen all together. 

Jaskier made his way to the eastern edge of the town and walked in, scanning the streets. If this were a farm people would be up and awake long before now, farmers wake well before dawn, but this was a town, and so few people wandered the streets. Shop keepers were just beginning to open up. Jaskier bought a couple pears, slightly overripe but cheaper because of it, off of a fruit seller and had breakfast. He tried to lock into his mind all the shops around so he could find his supplies easiest later.

His mind was resisting him though. In spite of the softer ground, Jaskier had still slept badly last night. His body ached and he wished he could find somewhere warm to lay for an hour or two. Instead he found the well. 

As wells should be, this one was right in the center of town. He set down his lute case beside it, tuned his lovely lady, and began to play.

In his very first few months after leaving Oxenfurt he had learned this trick, and used it often. If you get into a town early, play at the well. People get their water first thing in the morning and there you are.

A few young women with yokes and buckets smiled at him and he nodded in return. The day brightened a little further as the sun crept above the buildings and more people came to gather in the town square. They weren’t there to hear Jaskier, not at first, most of them came for water, or to chat with neighbors, or discuss business. Many of them gathered around him though. 

Coins clattered into the case. Mostly coppers, but in a little town like this that was quite normal. 

“As sweet Polly Oliver lay musing in bed, A sudden strange fancy came into her head. "Nor father nor mother shall make me false prove, I'll 'list as a soldier, and follow my love,” he sang.

“So early next morning she softly arose, And dressed herself up in her dead brother's clothes. She cut her hair close, and she stained her face brown, And went for a soldier to fair Rinde Town.”

Sweet Polly Oliver was one of his favorites, a simple country song about a girl and her lover in wartime. This town was far enough north that with luck Nilfgaard wouldn’t attack, but the anxiety threatened. 

Jaskier gave a good performance, perhaps not his best, but he was tired and cold and the flagstones beneath his feet were very hard. He danced about, playing sweet folk songs and jigs and reels, delighting in the people who swept up and danced along. Still, though, he felt his feet bleeding inside his boots. He played from just after dawn until perhaps an hour after noon before bowing away and taking his coin. 

He’d done better than he’d expected, but there wasn’t nearly enough coin for all the things he’d need for Kaer Morhen, and extra food to help Geralt and Ciri. He’d buy what he needed now, and they’d stop again in Ard Carraigh before the keep. He’d sell his lute there, it was a large city, and he’d get a good price. The thought still made him ache, though. 

It wasn’t just his emotions causing him pain, he realised. The aches he’d been experiencing were in his chest lately, and both physical and emotional. He just needed more rest. 

Jaskier slipped through back alleys and bent streets. He’d seen a stable on his way into town. He stepped in quietly, startling a stable hand, no more than a boy, who’d been quietly talking to a horse.

“You’re the bard,” he said. “Saw you in the square jus’ this morning.”

“That’s right,” Jaskier said, bowing a little. “I’m afraid I’ll be moving on this evening and--”

“And you want to have a kip in the stables,” said the boy. “Yeah lots o’ musicians and peddlers do that. Rule is though, I got to get a coin off ‘em first as payment. I’m sorry, but I get a beating if’n I don’t.”

“No worries,” Jaskier said, he’d expected as much. He handed the boy two copper coins. “There’s pay, won’t have you getting beaten for my sake, the second coin is to wake me in two hours.”

The boy gave him a lopsided grin. “You got it sir, thanks.”

Jaskier snuggled up in the hay loft. He’d often done it, it was pretty common, if you couldn’t buy a stay at an inn or especially if you just needed a ‘kip’ as the boy had said, during the day. He’d slept in haystacks once in a while on the road too. They were sort of comfortable and surprisingly warm and, best of all, robbers didn’t get you if you kept yourself mostly under the hay.

The scent of hay and oats and horses lulled him to sleep.

He dreamed about haystacks. For some reason Roach was in the haystack with him. Geralt and Ciri too, even Yennefer. It was a crowded haystack indeed, and it grew smaller and smaller until Jaskier had to leave it and sleep on the ground so that the others weren’t squished.

He awoke to the stable boy nudging him.

“Pardon me mister,” he said. “But it’s been two hours.”

Jaskier thanked him and brushed off his clothes. 

The shops were doing a good trade this afternoon and he’d be sure to be a face in the crowd. He bought a small cooking pot and plenty of ground oats and barley for porridge at one shop. They were light to carry and owner packaged them nicely, first in one cheap, cloth drawstring bag, and then in another such bag, but with the drawstring on a different side, so he was unlikely to lose food. 

In another stall he bought plenty of nuts, walnuts were cheap here and would keep well. Good for traveling and they had protein. Some dried jerky, dried peas, and dried lentils finished his food shopping, and also most of his coin.

It was three days to Ard Carraigh, another week to trek up to the keep. The food would sustain him for that long, and they’d probably just pool their food to make sure everyone was fed. Still, he wasn’t being a burden, not too much. 

He couldn’t afford new boots, gloves, or a cloak right now, but with the last of his coin he bought a new pair of thick, warm socks, a small roll of bandages, and a couple pieces of candied ginger in a little paper twist. He tucked them all away and left the town, disappearing back to the field and their little camp well before the sun set. 

Jaskier’s heart sunk to see that he was the last to arrive. Everything was packed up, they couldn’t risk staying in the same place two nights in a row. Geralt grunted at him, but didn’t unleash any thoughts on Jaskier being a burden, so he counted himself lucky. 

He hung his head a little at having delayed their parting and trekked after the perfect little family, his pack much heavier than it had been. Ciri slid her hand into his and they walked on in silence. The hand was nice though.

In an odd way, it hurt, too. He wasn’t part of the family, so he didn’t really deserve this, but it was painfully good to have just a taste of being wanted. 

What would happen, he wondered, when the winter was over. He was a danger to Geralt and Ciri if Nilfgaard found him. He wasn’t wanted by Geralt at all. Jaskier was reminded once again that it would be so much easier for Geralt to kill him, or for Yennefer to wipe his memory. Maybe he could fake his death to get Nilfgaard of his trail.

“Jaskier?” Ciri asked. “How did you become a bard?”

Jaskier looked down at her, maudlin thoughts interuppted. “Oh, well, it’s not as though you have to register, you just become one. Walking into an inn and saying ‘let me play for you pretty please I need food’ is a good start.”

“No,” Ciri giggled. “I meant, you said you learned the lute for your sister, but you write your own music and stuff too.”

“Oh, well, anyone can write music if they have an instrument and a good enough memory,” Jaskier said. “Indeed, many of the greatest bards had little education at all, I, however, studied at Oxenfurt.”

“Did you like it?”

“Sometimes. It was school, and some parts were dull but I learned much.”

“I heard some of the maids giggling once about a young scholar who’d come to stay with us,” Ciri said, matter of factly. “He was always in the library and was kind of snooty with me when I asked questions, but the maids were saying he certainly had a lot of ‘carnal knowledge’. Did you study that too?”

Jaskier was choking on thin air. 

“I, um, no it was more of a hobby,” Jaskier said before his head could catch up with his mouth. “Little Highness, I suspect you weren’t supposed to hear that conversation, and no, I studied the seven liberal arts.”

“So it was about sex, I was never sure,” Ciri said.

Jaskier coughed awkwardly. “Yes, princess.”

“It’s okay, I know about that stuff, Grandmother explained it.”

Jaskier let out a breath, at least he wouldn’t have to be the one to explain anything to her. 

“When you went to school were you scared to leave your family?” Ciri asked.

“No, pet, I was excited to go,” he wasn’t about to get into all his trauma with her, she had enough of her own, poor thing. “I couldn’t wait to learn about music and poetry.”

“Grandmother said all poets were silly romantics and dreamers, but I think that sounds nice. Do you have a moose?”

“A what?”

“I read it in a book, a moose, somebody you love and you write about it.”

“Oh, that’s one of the trickier words Ciri, it’s said ‘muse’, and yes, I had one or two.”

“Only one or two? In the book the poet had hundreds,” Ciri sounded almost disappointed. 

“I only ever needed one,” Jaskier said quietly. “One that mattered anyway.”

“And your Countess still left you,” Geralt said, rather coldly. He was doing his annoyed face and Jaskier could have kicked himself. He’d been talking too much. The reminder that the Countess de Stael had left him too hurt, but Jaskier wasn’t going to risk Geralt’s ire to say that she wasn’t the muse he was talking about. That was maybe something he should keep to himself.

“Do muses often leave?” Ciri asked, wide eyed. “If somebody was writing me poetry I wouldn’t want to.”

“No, usually the poet does the leaving,” Jaskier said. “After his muse asks him to go. There’s a shelf life on a bard, you know. We only have so many stories and songs before we’re used up and no one wants us around anymore. That’s when we move along.”

“I’ll hear your stories again and again,” Ciri said. “I won’t ask you to go.”

Jaskier’s heart curled up and whimpered inside his chest. He’d have to go sooner or later, he’d have to leave her. Geralt would get sick of him, too sick to bear even for Ciri’s sake. Or Jaskier would just have to leave of his own volition, lest he shovel shit into her life too.

If he could give her life one blessing...

“This’ll do for a campsite,” Geralt said. It was a tiny, clear area. Jaskier almost groaned. It was surrounded by oak trees, with dropped acorns that would dig into his bedroll and mottle his back with bruises come morning. He’d had a good rest in town, though, so another bad night of sleep wouldn’t be too bad, he told himself.

The others had eaten in town. Jaskier said he had too, so he wouldn’t waste rations. He had plenty, but strangely, he wasn’t so hungry lately. Anyway, always best to save.

He pulled off his boots and  his freshly bloodied socks. Ew. Ciri retired to the magic tent early, exhausted from their long days of walking. Jaskier listened to Yennefer and Geralt talk.

“We’ll need lots of supplies in Ard Carraigh,” Geralt was saying.

“We don’t have any money,” Yennefer replied. 

Jaskier had his back to them as he cleaned the wounds on his feet, but he could picture grave expressions. 

“We’ll get some, I’ll do a quick contract there, something. We’ll need a cart and pony to get Ciri up The Killer, it’s too much for her, it’s too hard for some witchers even.”

“That’ll cost,” Yennefer said. “But you’re right. I wish I could portal us but--”

“Tracking, exactly. There’s always plenty of contracts in cities, it’ll be fine.”

Jaskier looked at the blisters on his foot, they’d opened more with his long performance that day. It was no matter, he wound the bandages around them and put on his new, thick socks. At least his feet would be warm. 

Not too warm, though. He spotted a hole in the bottom of his boot that he hadn’t noticed before.

And they needed lots of money for Ard Carraigh. No matter. He knew how to get some.

He pretended his eyes filled with tears from the pain of blisters, not from heartache, as he pushed his feet back into his boots and opened the lute case. He pulled out his beautiful girl. He wouldn’t play her, it would annoy Geralt. He’d always hated Jaskier’s music, although he hated to hear Jaskier sing even more. 

Pie with no filling.

Jaskier wished he could play her, though. It was going to break his heart to part with her, and he didn’t think he’d ever played another instrument as fine. If he could, he’d play her every second until he had to sell her. 

Probably for the best, though, if he was going to fake his death. She was distinctive.

He brushed a hand over the beautiful wood work on her front. There was a little bit of linseed oil left, and he poured it on the rag he kept in the case and began to work over his girl lovingly. His eyes teared up again, but he fought it back. He would have smashed his lute if it meant helping Ciri. And Geralt.

Jaskier longed for Geralt to forgive him, to take him back and let him stay by his side, but he’d meant what he’d said, bards have a shelf life, and Jaskier’s time was up. 

He wished Geralt would at least speak with him, though. His heart was aching. In a completely different sense, so was his chest.

“Play us a tune, bard,” Yennefer said.

Jaskier turned around. Yen and Geralt were sitting beside eachother, close together. She looked so beautiful in her fine cloak that Jaskier wondered how he ever thought he could catch Geralt’s eye when beings like her existed.

“You know,” he said. “It’s late and I wouldn’t want to bother Ciri.”

“Tent’s soundproof,” Yennefer said, waving her hand. 

“I mean, really,” Jaskier protested weakly. Disobeying Yennefer’s request/command was like bathing your brain in lava, but Geralt was looking angry again. Some would say there wasn’t much change from Geralt’s normal expression, but Jaskier knew his face better than he knew his own. Something had made Geralt angry or upset. The only possible answer was Jaskier. It was always Jaskier. 

“Play us a song, bard,” Yennefer said. “You’ve been so quiet other than stories, I’d almost think you were a doppler, Melitele knows no one could have taught you to shut up.”

Jaskier swallowed the lump in his throat.

He began, slowly, to pick out a gently tune on his lute. It was a song about winter and home, and he knew the lyrics well. Yennefer had only asked him to play, so he would. His music was at least less offensive than his voice.

He reveled in the feel of his lute beneath his fingers, letting the feeling wash over him, committing it to memory.

When he was finished Yennefer said, “I suppose your voice was tired from your performance, I heard in the town how the bard had played such a long set.”

Jaskier smiled grimly back at her. “Just earning my keep.”

He went to bed, feeling the cold seep into his bones.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag List!

@frywen-babbles @mordoriscalling @thedarkestangel1 @kerfufflezz  @live-long-and-trek-on @holymotherwolf @gryffinqueen

@samukai @charlies-dragon  I can’t seem to tag, but they’re on the list

[markberries]

a l l  i  w a n t ┊draco malfoy

anon requested: could you do a draco x reader imagine where it’s enemies to lovers but one day at a party draco gets drunk and confesses his feelings?

info: being tormented by draco was a normal thing for you, but one day everything changes when you find out his true thoughts.

warnings: blood, cursing

genre: slight angst, fluff, enemies to lovers, gryffindor!reader, fem reader

word count: 2700+

a/n: i decided to not make this a party scene because i feel like all my stories end up there, so it’s a little different. sorry if this ruined your request! also i stole hermione’s iconic scene lmao

you rarely hated anyone. most of the time, you enjoyed another person’s company. you enjoyed hearing them talk about things they were excited about, how they did on their recent exam, and you let them vent their sorrows to you. it was like getting a peak into another person’s life, you got to view how it felt like to be them.

so no, you did not really hate anyone, except for one bleach blonde snob with daddy’s credit card; draco malfoy. his cologne hurt your nose, it reminded you of axe body spray, back in the muggle world. he always used his “pureblood status” as a valid excuse to verbally assault those who did not carry the same reputation as him.

you convinced yourself that you did not care for him, or that you hated him, but something in the back of your mind had your eyes drifting to his smooth looking skin in the middle of a class, or the thought of how his hair looked extra soft. you were the type of person to dust those thoughts off and continue with your day, but that did not stop you from thinking about him any other day.

so you gripped your wand in your hand, pointed at draco, who had just insulted hermione for the sake of shits and giggles. he looked at you, as if he were waiting for you to strike, as if he knew that you weren’t going to do it.

“what do we have here? a halfblood? trying to harm me?” an irritating snicker emits from him and his two goons. a surge of anger powers through you, and you’re at a point where you want to spew hurtful words and cast menacing spells, but you knew where that would get you. it would get you a one way ticket out of hogwarts.

your face is beginning to heat up; not from embarrassment, but from annoyance. people passing by the courtyard paid no attention, they continued to talk loudly and ignore the commotion surrounding you five.

“what are you gonna do, huh?”

“y/n, i appreciate the help, but it’s better to ignore him,” hermione assures you, setting a hand gently on your shoulder. you should have listened to her. you wished you had listened to her.

in that spur of ignorance and rage, for you hated draco that much, you launched your fist into malfoy’s face, making him fall to the ground and hold his nose in pain.

you see a tad bit of blood coming out of his nose, and you swore you heard a crack when your fist met his face. now realizing your wrong doings, your eyes widen as professor mcgonagall comes marching towards the scene. 

“what on earth happened?” she asks, concerned while picking up malfoy off the ground, who was still groaning, it was a bit dramatic in your opinion. you didn’t know how to start explaining yourself — you couldn’t just say “he was pissing me off”. no, definitely not.

“he was saying hurtful and offensive things, not only towards me, but towards hermione as well,” you say, hoping that your punishment wouldn’t be too severe.

“it should not have resulted in violence, ms. y/l/n,” mcgonagall lectures you, now dragging draco towards the school entrance. “we will decide on the proper punishment after mr. malfoy recovers in the infirmary, for now, i think it’s best you think of an apology to give him, yes?”

with that, professor mcgonagall walks away with malfoy, crabbe and goyle following behind her. you sigh, facepalming.

hermione stood in front of you, asking, “why did you do that?” it was obvious that she was trying to stifle her own laughter, but you are the one who ends up giggling in amusement.

“i had to! it was malfoy!” you reply, making her let out a small laugh as well. you two began walking towards your next class together, meeting up with harry and ron in the hallways.

“you what!?” ron asks in disbelief, looking at you as you all walked together. “bloody hell, you know that draco’s father isn’t going to be happy about this.” 

“i know,” you reply, almost carelessly. 

“are you not worried?” ron questions again, you simply shrug in response. ron makes a face, like he was thinking of how worried he would be if lucius malfoy would treat him after he punched draco.

“always thought draco fancied you,” harry mutters as you all enter the defence against the dark arts classroom, and you nearly choke on your own saliva.

“i’m sorry?” you manage to get out, making harry look at you.

“oh you know, i thought everyone was thinking the same thing,” he tells you, and you cannot believe what you’re hearing.

“you must be mistaken,” you laugh awkwardly, sitting down at your desk, beside hermione.

“you two are always at each other’s throats, you claim to hate each other, i wouldn’t be surprised if malfoy liked you, if i have to be honest.”

setting your books down on the carved wooden table, you tap your fingers on the desk. you fell deep into thought, resting your head among your hand, propping yourself up. 

it would be unexpected — no, odd, yes, it would be quite odd if draco malfoy fancied you. although it was not believable nor confirmed, it still had you thinking. would it be strange to date draco? it couldn’t be that bad, right? you could see who he was. who he really was, not that tough, and might i add, annoying front that he put up, no — you would be able to discover the reality behind draco malfoy.

his fears, his dreams, his hopes — the possibilities were endless. there may be some obstacles, his father for example, but every relationship had obstacles.

you shake off your odd thoughts, reminding yourself that this was draco malfoy. the pureblood who insulted you everyday, the boy who thought he was better than everyone else, the boy you had just punched, for god’s sake.

finally, you are broken out of your own trance by professor lupin, tapping on your desk.

“yes, professor?” you ask, looking up at him. he offers you a warm smile, saying, “professor mcgonagall wishes your presence in the infirmary.”

oh shit.

—

“ah,” mcgonagall says when you walk through the door. “well then, i’ll leave you to it.”

you scrunch your eyebrows in confusion, “i’m sorry? leave me to do what?”

“apologize. i’m sure you heard me tell you to make one, yes? although, we did have to cast a spell that makes mr. malfoy a bit disoriented so that we could repair his broken nose.” with that, the professor exits, leaving you with malfoy, who was laying in his bed, eyes boring into your own.

“i see you’re all fixed up, aren’t you?” you remark, glaring at him. he doesn’t respond, perhaps the spell’s side effects were the reason. after a pause, he begins to speak.

“mcgonagall said, you have to apologize.”

you didn’t want to apologize. who would want to? but you knew you had to, you didn’t want draco’s father to be on your ass for the rest of your hogwarts years. sitting down in the seat next to draco’s bed, you sigh to yourself.

“fine. i’m sorry, i guess.”

the room goes quiet; not an awkward silence, but a calm one. it washes over you unexpectedly, as you had never imagined what a calm silence would be like around draco malfoy. 

at this point, he’s still staring at your face. you’re trying your best to avoid his gaze, not wanting to look into his eyes. he smiles at you, drowsiness taking over him.

“you know, you’re quite pretty when you’re not bitching,” he says, but it seemed like he wasn’t directly saying it to you — it was as if he was talking to himself.

“what?” you say quietly, and draco turns to the side, the opposite direction of you.

“you heard me. i think you’re pretty.”

a million thoughts race through your mind, negative and positive. the only sound that you swore you could hear in the empty room was your own heartbeat, pounding out of your chest as you replayed malfoy’s words repeatedly in your head. before you could question malfoy longer, he was already fast asleep.

—

the next few days had you stumped. you forgot how to act around draco, you no longer made your smartass remarks, and he would constantly catch you glancing at him. after his odd confession, it was like something changed in you.

“what are you looking at, halfblood?” draco spits at you, you’re quick to look down at your feet and spew out an apology. draco, who was fully expecting you to throw some nasty words at him, was baffled. he had never seen you pass an opportunity to argue with him. yes, sometimes you would go quiet when you two fought, often when he took his insults too far; but not like this.

“cat got your tongue?” draco tried his best to provoke you, to get you to merely look at him, but you seemed far more interested in looking down at the ground. it irritated him, so he strutted up to you and grabbed your face with his left hand aggressively, earning a yelp from you. he lifted your chin swiftly, seeing a scared look on your face.

“look at me when i talk to you, halfblood,” he laughed, letting go of you. you still refused to speak, draco’s former words in the infirmary occupying all your thoughts. draco needed you to say something, anything.

“what are you? mute?” he carried on, heads turning at the scene unfolding before everyone in the courtyard, where you were previously holding a wand up to malfoy’s face. 

“leave me alone, draco,” you muttered, shoving him away. your voice wasn’t the same anymore. it was quiet, it almost sounded helpless, but not quite. as if you were unsure of what to do, or what to say.

when you pushed draco, he lost his own balance and landed straight on his arse, the ground making a light squish noise. giggles came from people passing by as draco stood back up, wet grass littering his robe.

he brushed himself off, before glaring back at you. “oh you’ll pay for that.”

“again, you two!?” a familiar voice shouted, once again, it had been professor mcgonagall. you were red with embarrassment, being caught fighting with draco once was a mistake, being caught twice was humiliating. both you and draco’s heads snapped to look at the upset professor.

“professor-” she cut you off, shaking her head in disappointment. “i’ve had enough of both of your shenanigans. both of you, detention.”

—

you had never gotten detention. then again, you also had never punched draco malfoy in the nose, nor have you ever considered dating him, so this week was full of unexpected events.

“this is your fault,” you hissed at draco, carefully reorganizing the books in the library. draco scoffed, flipping through pages of a random novel you had put aside to sort later. you had regained your sass from the shameful moment that you had been assigned to rearrange all the hardbacks and paperbacks hours ago.

“me? you’re the one who decided to send my ass to the ground,” he sneered, placing the book in the correct shelf, “or have you already forgotten about my broken nose?” draco added.

your cheeks began to heat up again, and you avoided malfoy’s gaze. you tried your best to shake off draco’s words,  but his flattering remark had not left your head since he said it.

“why do you keep doing that?” draco asked, and you froze. had he noticed?

“what do you mean, malfoy?”

“you keep doing that. i assume that you weren’t interested in arguing with me today, because most of the time, you never shut that big mouth of yours.”

“i’m never interested in arguing with you, malfoy,” you sighed, your back still facing him. you could feel his eyes burning into your backside, but you didn’t turn around. you didn’t want to turn around.

“not what i mean, halfblood. i’m saying you always have something to say.”

“okay, and i don’t see a problem here. i just didn’t have anything to say to you today.”

draco throws a book on the table next to you, forcing you to turn around to face him, annoyance written all over your face.

“today? don’t you mean the past few days? do you think i’m that dense?”

both of your voices had slighted raised a volume, but quiet enough so that professors wouldn’t come running in to check out the commotion.

“what is your problem malfoy? i just didn’t feel like arguing with you today. why are you acting like you’re offended or concerned?”

“i’m not. i just enjoy seeing how angry you can get when i call your little friend granger a mudblood.”

“don’t call her that.”

“so tell me then, halfblood. what changed? why are you so afraid to fight back?”

“you. you changed.”

the room went silent again. both you and draco stared at each other, a confused expression on his face, but a stoic one on yours. this wasn’t your ideal situation, you didn’t want to tell malfoy about what happened, and you weren’t going to, until now. 

you wished that draco hadn’t pushed, and you wished that draco stopped asking so many questions. you wished for a lot of things, but none came true. so many things were unplanned within your current state of affairs, like how you realized how attractive draco was, or how he always tried his best in classes, but he chose to play the “dumb rich boy”.

“you’re not making sense,” he said, taking a seat. you were fidgeting with your hands, looking at the ground. you were shifting your weight back and forth from your right foot to your left.

“you said something, when you were in the infirmary,” you rambled, looking back up at draco. he still had that same confused look on, and you were having second thoughts about this conversation, but it was too late.

“you called me pretty.”

it takes a moment for draco to process this — it’s like you can see what he’s thinking, judging from the flash of emotions on his face. first it’s embarrassment, the sudden pink tint rising as his eyes grow wide. next is a smile being held back, almost like he was thinking about how you might have reacted. lastly was deep thought, thinking about what to say next.

“well?” you ask, eagerly awaiting his response. you wished that he would yell and deny it, but like i said, you wished a lot of things.

“you are quite pretty.”

if draco had denied it, you would’ve continued living your life. you would have continued to argue with him and you would have continued to insult him whenever you got the chance. you wanted him to have said “you? you’re absolutely delusional”, so that you could cut off the thoughts about how much you wanted to feel draco’s hand on your own, go on dates with him, and rearrange his bland wardrobe.

that’s what you would have done if he denied it.

“i’m sorry?”

“odd, isn’t it? i thought it was a dream, truly i did. i thought i had made the entire thing in my head, i mean, i never expected you to ever apologize to me. guess i was wrong.”

you were dumbstruck, after all those offensive comments, after all those arguments and years of torment, draco malfoy had just admitted that he thought you were pretty.

“you’re lying,” you say.

“i’m not. you know what they say, bad attention is better than none at all, and you bet i wanted your attention.”

something he said made your heart swell, and you were staring into his eyes in awe. you smile, your eyes turning into crescents.

“malfoy,” you say.

“what is it, halfblood?”

“i want you to kiss me.”

draco stands up, walking towards you. bringing his lips to yours, your stomach explodes with butterflies as your hands wrap around his neck to bring him closer. you felt weightless, like you were floating. you expected his lips to be chapped, but they were quite soft, like your lips were on a cloud. there were no thoughts running through your head, it was like someone else had taken control over you.

when you two break apart for air, you rest your forehead on his, looking into his grey eyes. he was smirking, of course he was. you were smiling back at him, his hands wrapped around your waist.

“guess we have to go on a proper date other than detention then, am i right y/n?”

that was the first time he had ever used your real name instead of halfblood. finally, you realized, maybe draco wasn’t all that bad.

[aperrywilliams]

New blurbs-series: 10 days to my birthday!! (Day 2)

(Not my gif)

Author Masterlist - Series Masterlist

My birthday will be in 2 days from now. So I’m going to celebrate myself with 10 Spencer Reid’s blurbs. Enjoy!.

Day 10 | Day 09 | Day 08 | Day 07 | Day 06 | Day 05 | Day 04 | Day 03 | Day 02 | Day 01

Day 02: Spencer Reid calls you his wife for the first time.

Possibly this was the first minute you had all day to sympathize with your poor feet. The day had started early. Visit to salon with the BAU girls, then go to your apartment to pick up your clothes. Go to Penelope's house where you would make the preparations and then end up at Rossi's with your nerves on edge because the groom and his best man had not shown signs of life for hours.

“He regretted it, he doesn't want to marry me anymore... and knowing Spencer, he doesn't know how to tell me!”. You began to ramble as Emily and JJ tried to keep your nerves calm.

“(Y/N), you have to calm down. Spencer would never do that to you,” JJ told you trying to make you see reason.

“Then why isn't he here? Why isn't Morgan here either?... damn it! I don't want to be a hysterical bride, but nobody is helping me here!!!,” you complained.

“Hey Hey... drink this,” Prentiss handed you a glass of something that must have had liquor in it. At this point you weren't willing to question anything so you drank it all at once and let the burning go down your throat.

They were right, Spencer would never do something like that to you. After two years of relationship, the two of you still seemed like two teenagers in love. When he proposed he was so nervous that he almost lost his balance and fell to the ground while kneeling in front of you. And you were so equally nervous that you almost fell on him when you said yes.

No, he definitely wouldn't do something like that. Then something bad had happened to him. Your expression became rigid again and immediately JJ and Emily noticed. ‘They sure had a minor problem (Y/N), it shouldn't be anything serious,’ Emily told you trying to get that thought out of your head.

When you were going to refute Emily, JJ's phone started ringing. It was Morgan. You froze for a couple of seconds until JJ hang up the call.

“Everything is fine. They are both fine. They had a problem with the car on the way here and Morgan tried to repair it without success. Their phones were dead and now the tow truck picked them up. They are on their way here”.

You felt your body relax again, not before letting go of the promise to kill Spencer for having his phone without charge for the umpteenth time.

When Spencer and Morgan managed to get to Rossi’s, they were immediately taken to a changing room. JJ told you there were 15 minutes away from the ceremony and the people were all gathered in the backyard. Now your nerves began to surface again, but they were anxiety nerves. You just wanted to see Spencer and know that everything was fine and that you both could indeed take this new step in your lives.

You walked down the aisle by Hotch's arm. Since you lost your parents at an early age, Hotch had become the closest father figure in these years. He gladly accepted when you asked.

Down the aisle you could see Spencer with bright eyes when he saw you. A smile from ear to ear that said 'everything will be fine'. When you got to Spencer' side, Hotch released your arm, looking seriously at Spencer. “Make her happy or don't come back to the BAU,” he murmured. You couldn't help but smile seeing as Spencer nodded nervously at Aaron's threat.

Spencer took your hand and didn't take his eyes off you nor did you take your eyes off him until Rossi cleared his throat to get your attention. When you told the team that you were getting married, everyone was happy for you both. It was news that was eagerly awaited. One of the things you guys discussed with Spencer was whether someone from the BAU could celebrate the wedding. You both thought of Rossi and when you told him the idea, he didn't hesitate for a second: ‘for my little ones, I would do whatever was necessary’.

“Today we are gathered here for a very special reason. The love between these two young souls who decided to join their paths for the rest of their lives...,” Rossi began to speak. You could feel Spencer's hand grip yours tighter with every word that came out of Rossi's mouth.

When it came time for the vows, Spencer's voice was shaky but confident.

“(Y/N), the first time you agreed to go for a coffee with me I knew that something special could be between us. I must confess I wanted to be your friend at all costs. But it was not long before I realized that it was not enough for me be your friend. But you know that it took me a lot to tell you how I really felt about you. I was afraid ... I was afraid that you didn't feel the same and afraid to realize in my head I was imagining impossible things. But you gave me the best of surprises when you told me you had feelings for me. That's when I understood that I couldn't waste any minute of being with you. I began to treasure our conversations, our naps on the jet, our secret kisses. Everything. I love you (Y/N), more than I thought I could love anyone. I want to be by your side for the rest of my life. And if you let me, I promise to make you the most loved woman in the universe”. You could see how tears came out of Spencer's eyes, as well as tears came out of your eyes.

“Spencer. I thought a lot about what I was going to say at this point and I had a hard time deciding what words to use. I'm not as good at using words as you are, but here I go. From the first day I met you I was surprised by your concern and care for every person that was around you. When you saw that I was feeling overwhelmed, you respected my space and did not pressure me. On the contrary, you were attentive and took small steps with me. Over time I could tell that it was your nature and that was the first thing that I fell in love with you. Always by my side, ready to support me. You have been my emotional support in the most difficult cases, you have been the one who encourages me when I’m sad. All those little gestures made me fall in love with you every day. I love you Spencer Reid, and I am eager to see what the future has in store for us, because I am sure it will be something good. Being by your side, it cannot be otherwise”.

You were both crying by now. You could see that even Rossi had some tears running from his eyes. After the rings and repeating the promise of love, Rossi declared you both husband and wife. It didn’t matter the people around you guys at that moment, Spencer kissed you passionately and you reciprocated in the same way. Applause and shouts of happiness were heard, while you continued kissing. When you pulled away, Spencer whispered in your ear “I love you, my wife”. You couldn't avoid the shivers in your spine. “I love you, my husband”, you also replied in a whisper. You both grinned, while with your hands linked you both walked down the aisle to be congratulated by all your friends and family.

——

Permanent Taglist: @dreatine​​​​ @andiebeaword​​​​ @paulaern​

[burnwithtears]

I’m glad you talked about how weird 2B is because I feel like they dropped everything and now suddenly the dynamics shifted, they bring up conversations (like the chocolates) that don’t add anything. It feels very inconsistent. They had Gina feeling super heartbroken on 2A and suddenly it’s not there anymore. But I do feel like she’s suppressing her feelings for Ricky and convincing herself to move on (with EJ). Now I don’t think Ricky will 'confess to her' either because I think he needs time first before going into a new relationship. And I don’t think he is even aware of what he feels for Gina yet. But I do think he will learn about Gina’s feelings in the finale. I don’t think Ricky actually understood what she said to him that day on opening night, and it will hit him what it meant soon. I have a feeling that s3 will start with them after summer break, so they had some time to figure out themselves, paralleling s1.

YES!!!!! I also don’t think he understood what she meant, because Ricky isn’t cruel like that. Yes, he can be VERY self-centered, but in season 2 we are seeing his evolution and how he’s trying to help his friends even though he doesn’t feel 100% okay (like with Carlos). So my wish for this finale is that he reaches out to her and tries to repair their broken friendship (idk if he realizes that it’s broken, but it’s definitely not the same as it was before), and maybe realize what she actually meant.

Now, returning to the inconsistency topic, let’s list all the “wtf” choices the writers made, which makes the fandom go nuts over different interpretations:

- none of Gina’s friends noticed when she was hurting really bad in 2A, but somehow noticed “her thing” with EJ (I would personally prefer my friends comforting me when I’m clearly sad, instead of prying on my love life)

- Gina was ignoring Ricky in episodes 1 and 2 (super valid), but in episode 3 she shows up at his doorstep (i feel like his confusion is very valid too)

- Ricky feels weird when Big Red was telling Gina about his “cheesy” line of wanting Nini to stay, but somehow was okay with telling Gina about the song in episode 3 and the whole “if we were dating” thing during Carlos’ party

- the huge change of tone from episodes 6 to 7, regarding Gina, and how she doesn’t even address if she moved on from Ricky or not, which makes me definitely agree with you about her supressing her feelings and trying to move on. I wish this was more explicit through dialogue. Maybe this will be her truth in the finale? (two ways this can go: either she says she’s moved on, or she makes it clear that she still feels something for Ricky)

- Ricky will just accept that Gina doesn’t want to talk to him anymore when he clearly was confused by it??? I understand him not talking to her about it yet because, like i said, Ricky is very self-centered this season, and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about her, just that he’s pretty much oblivious to everything else (like CarlosxSeb issues, EJ crushing on Gina... the list goes on). But this situation has to be addressed at SOME POINT.

I don’t know, at this point I think we’re all being baited somehow. The writers know many many people love Ricky and Gina’s relationship. To just brush it off like that, without a closure and without repairing AT LEAST their friendship??? Or make them talk about their feelings, even if somehow they’ve moved on (like what I think they’ll do with Rini and the cards)??? And STILL mention the chocolate thing, and bring up Gina’s feelings for Ricky in front of Nini, while everyone stares awkwardly??? No pay-off for any of this? It’s unacceptable, and bad writing.

Unless........... they are planning to make it the big cliffhanger of the season. Then I can see a reason for all this baiting.