#also yes this is the relationship they have jensen is in her fucking room All the time

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

nobody asked but i do think aurora's bed is straight in the door to her room. which is also at the end of the hall. which means on Multiple occasions when the door was open, jensen got a running start and completely interrupted her relaxing time by jumping and rolling onto her bed

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 8) - Good Days, Bad Days

Summary: The reader has a special birthday surprise for Jensen and starts to get to know Jared more. When Jensen returns home from Toronto for good though, he and the reader have their first big fight and make more moves in their relationship...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 5,300ish

Warnings: language, angst, fighting, smut

A/N: Enjoy!

________

Thursday Night

“So how do you want me?” asked Jensen, leaning against his closet door in nothing but his boxer briefs. 

“Oh well that’s a dangerous question,” you laughed. “Jeans are fine for where I’m taking you.”

“Alright,” he said. He ducked into the closet and returned wearing only a pair of dark jeans, smirking at you with his hands behind his back.

“Being a little shit?” you asked.

“One of my best qualities,” he said. You hummed and went past him into the closet. “So what should I be wearing on this date out?”

“I’m kinda a sucker for you a henley and flannel. Not to let that go to your head at all,” you said.

“Oh you should never watch Supernatural then,” he chuckled, grabbing a long sleeve white henley off the hanger and pulling it on.

“I did sort of start watching it,” you said. “You look like a little baby that hadn’t hit puberty yet.”

“I got better with age, sweetheart,” he said, flashing you a wink.

“Oh yes you did,” you said. “I like it. It’s kinda scary but not too bad if you watch during the day.”

“It gets less scary pretty fast,” he said, putting on his red and gray flannel. “I all set?”

“You look very pretty,” you said, walking out with him on your tail. “So does the show end happy? Like they live? It’s got this angsty feel to it where I feel like something bad is gonna happen.”

“Do you want me to spoil it?”

“Dean doesn’t like die, right,” you said. He made a face and you frowned. “No. Why? He doesn’t deserve that.”

“Eh, calm yourself woman. Things could happen in the future...he might not have to die...or he might come back and I really shouldn’t be discussing these things.”

“You’d do more?” you asked.

“Oh for sure. On a streaming network where we get to do all the shit we couldn’t on cable. Get some fresh eyes in on the writing or maybe we’d even take a crack at it. It’s not really an if, more of a when so don’t go worrying about Dean. I like my new friends at work and everybody’s great but I miss Jared and my old ones. I’m definitely working with them again.”

“That’s great! Now come on, move that tush. We have reservations.”

“Reservations. Fancy,” he said. He put on a pair of socks and shoved his wallet in his pocket, following you out to the hall when you spun around. 

“Oh yeah,” you smirked. “You may also have a little birthday surprise waiting for your downstairs so eyes shut mister.”

“You’re devious. I like that. I like that a lot. We should explore that later in bed.”

“Tempting. I’ll have to take you up on that,” you said. “Eyes shut.”

You held his hand and he shut his eyes, going down the hall with you. You went slowly down the steps, Jensen’s arm around you the whole time. You grinned and walked him over to the family room before leaving him in place.

“Open,” you said. He blinked open his eyes, quickly landing them on a grinning Jared standing there.

“How the hell are you here?” said Jensen, Jared giving him a big hug he quickly returned. “Shit I missed you man.”

“Me too. But it’s someone’s birthday this week and I don’t have work tomorrow so I caught a flight up this afternoon. Y/N thought I’d make a good present.”

“Fucking awesome present,” he said, still grinning ear to ear. 

“You doing okay?” asked Jared, Jensen nodding. He gave him another hug and you smiled. “So how’s that crush on the nanny working out?”

“Shut up,” said Jensen, smirking as he pulled you into his side. “Jared. I know you guys met already but Y/N is your soon to be best friend just as an fyi.”

“Oh we’ve already started chatting,” you said, Jared chuckling. “He’s really sweet. I had to legit stop him from jumping on a plane that second when I texted him he thought something was wrong.”

“I think between the two of us we can keep an eye on him,” said Jared. “So you mind if I crash your date?”

“Not at all,” you said. “I’m taking both you boys out. My treat.”

“I’ll be back in a minute,” said Jensen two hours later while he excused himself to the bathroom. Jared finished off the last of his beer and smiled as he leaned back in his corner of the booth. 

“You know I’m totally covering this right,” he said.

“Dutch?” you asked.

“I’ll take the alcohol, you take the food.”

“That I can agree to,” you said, glancing over the dessert menu. “I’m really happy you were able to come up to hang out. I know you got your own family and everything and this was last minute.”

“He’s my family too,” he said. “I’d do anything for him. Literally. Don’t ever hesitate to call me, no matter when or where. I’ll be there for him like he’s always been for me.”

“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a smile on his face like that before.”

“I have. You just didn’t notice that night at the bonfire.” You shrugged and he cocked his head. “How long you two been dating?”

“A month or so,” you said. 

“You like him?”

“He’s alright,” you said, smiling before you took a sip from your glass. 

“Thanks for taking care of him lately.”

“Don’t need to thank me for that,” you said, sliding the dessert menu over to him.

“Yeah but I’m still going to,” he said. “I meant what I said earlier. Between the two of us he’ll be okay again.”

“He’s never gonna be the same. He’ll be happy and it won’t hurt as much. But it’ll come back and hit him time to time.”

“There’s a reason he’s my best friend and it’s not just because we worked together for so long. He’s always been there for me and I’ll be there for him. I feel better about him being up here when he’s got someone else watching his back.”

“You had the hard job, not me,” you said.

“He’s come a long way. Doesn’t mean this is a cakewalk though I’m sure.”

“No, you’re right about that,” you said as you spotted Jensen returning.

“You guys order dessert yet?” he asked, sliding in beside you.

“Why doesn’t the birthday boy pick,” teased Jared, handing the menu over to him. “You guys ought to come home for a weekend when you get a chance.”

“It’s kinda a long way to go with the kids for just a few days,” said Jensen. “But we’ll be home soon. Hopefully.”

“I can get you a gig on Walker anytime you want it dude, just ask.”

“Maybe. I kinda want to get with the guys and maybe work on that Supernatural stuff. I need good stuff to look forward to, you know?”

“I do,” said Jared. “As long as you come home eventually I’ll learn to live with just using your jet skis in the meantime.”

“See what I’ve been dealing with for over a decade?” asked Jensen.

“Oh yes. He’s horrible,” you teased. “We really shouldn’t have him sleepover then, should we?”

“You’re staying at the house?” asked Jensen with a grin.

“Duh. I didn’t just fly a thousand miles to not see you dude. I’m here all weekend. Let’s have some fun.”

“Boys I’m heading to bed,” you said around two in the morning. 

“Yeah we ought to go to bed ourselves,” said Jared.

“I’ll grab you some sheets and stuff,” said Jensen. You waved goodnight to Jared, heading down the hall towards your room when Jensen wrapped an arm around your waist. “I thought you were gonna sleep with me from now on.”

“I am. Want to check something real quick.”

“Hurry back,” he said. He kissed your temple and ducked into his room, leaving you in the hall. You went down to your own and checked your email, smirking when you saw what you were looking for. A rattling of fingers on the door made you glance up, Jensen smiling there. “Texting your other boyfriend?”

“No, I sort of...submitted one of my stories to a publisher. They’ve been talking to me this week and said they’d get back to me today on if they wanted to move forward. They want to do a five book deal. I already have the stories done and mostly drawn anyways. They gave me an offer just now.”

“That’s awesome,” he said. “Seriously. We’re gonna celebrate tomorrow for sure.”

“It’s no big deal,” you said.

“It really is,” he said. He picked you up and grinned, carrying you back to his room. “I’m proud of you.”

“They’re stupid stories,” you said.

“I love those stupid stories,” he said, setting you on the bed. “The kids do too.”

“You’re just saying that cause you’re supposed to say that.” You set your phone on the nightstand and crawled under the covers, Jensen pulling you into his chest when het got underneath.

“My children think their mom is really okay now. They don’t get sad anymore and they ask questions about her again and I don’t want to cry every time I talk about her because your story reminded me that the wolf dad can be happy again for him too. That’s really fucking important to me right now in life.”

“Okay Papa Wolf,” you said. You grinned and he returned it. “Night Jensen.”

“Goodnight sweetheart.”

Two Months Later

“Hey Jared,” you said as you answered your phone. “What’s up?”

“Jensen at work?”

“Yeah. Late night again,” you said. “He’s answering texts between breaks I think.”

“Cool,” he said.

“You need something?” you asked. 

“No, no. I’m good,” he said. “Thanks. I’ll catch you later.”

“You doing okay?” you asked.

“Yeah. Just want to talk to him for a minute,” he said. He was a little quiet and you sat down on the couch. 

“You want to talk to me?” you asked.

“That’s okay.”

“Jared...Jensen and I are starting to get serious which means we’re gonna be together a lot considering how you two can’t go more than a day without talking. We can be good friends too,” you said. He was quiet and you hoped you hadn’t sounded too corny.

“I uh, I have bad days sometimes. Really normal days can be bad days in my head. It’s kinda how I was built I guess,” he said. 

“Nothing wrong with that,” you said. “Today a bad day?”

“Kinda. Nothing happened. I had a normal day at work and home. I’m just off. He um...Jensen makes me feel better as lame as that sounds. Just talking for a few minutes helps my head get on track that somebody really does care.”

“He’s very good like that,” you said. “I know you mean the world to him. You’re his brother. It’s not lame that he makes you feel better. You make him feel better too. I owe you a lot for taking care of him after the accident.”

“I much prefer when I’m the one freaking out and he takes care of me,” chuckled Jared. “You guys coming home soon?”

“He’s got a few weeks left of filming but I might head down a little earlier, try to get the house sorted out down there with the kids and stuff,” you said. “He’s literally counting down the days.”

“He really likes working on the show though I thought.”

“Oh he does but he’s got a big circle on the calendar for the fifthteenth called Jared day. I think your boy is planning something fun.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” he said. “You mind if I ask a personal question?”

“Shoot, buddy,” you said, stretching in your seat.

“Do you love him?” he asked. 

“Going full throttle out of the gate I see,” you said.

“I know. I know how he talks about you though. There’s no...casual relationship with him.”

“Well I haven’t said it to him yet and he hasn’t said it to me so...maybe another time I’ll be able to answer that question.”

“It’s been almost four months. You get to spend more time together than most couples starting out. I’d think you know by now,” he said.

“I do. But he deserves to hear it before anyone else,” you said. 

“So you love him.”

“Most things I love have a habit of going away,” you said. 

“He won’t,” he said. “You do more than make him happy, Y/N. A lot more.”

“I just wish he didn’t hurt.”

“He hurts a lot less lately. Some of that’s time and some of it’s you. Enjoy being one of his best friends. He doesn’t let that many people in that close.”

“I know. We were supposed to be talking about you I thought.”

“Eh, sometimes I just need the talk. Thanks. I got somebody else I can call now too.”

“It’s never a problem,” you said.

“It’s getting late there. I’ll let you go. Thanks for talking, really. I feel better.”

“Anytime Jared.”

“You too, Y/N.”

Three Weeks Later

“Doug you’re a lifesaver,” you said as finished washing Jensen’s truck in the driveway back home in Austin. He smiled as he wiped off his hands and gave Arrow a wave goodbye. 

“I owed you for that 3am incident,” he said. “You got easy kids. Mine are vultures.”

“Yes, yes they are,” you laughed. He gave you a kiss on the check and smiled as he headed back for his car, another one coming down the open driveway. “Later Doug.”

“Later,” he said. Jensen exited the back of the car along with his backpack and a suitcase, the car pulling out, Doug following after.

“Hey. How was the flight?” you asked.

“Who was that?” he asked, dropping his bags on the pavement.

“Oh that’s just Doug. He’s a nanny. I needed an extra set of hands today watching the kids trying to finish up these chores before you got home and it was perfect timing,” you said. You smirked and walked over to kiss him, Jensen taking a step back. “Something wrong?”

“You kissed him.”

“No. I didn’t. He kissed my cheek,” you said. Jensen narrowed his eyes and you scoffed, wiping the sweat off your forehead. “Seriously? He’s my friend.”

“That kisses you.”

“He’s affectionate,” you said. “Also he’s kinda married so you can tone it down with the judgemental looks.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. You’re right. You should be able to kiss whoever you want despite being in a relationship,” he said. He grabbed his bags and brushed past you inside. You grumbled and went after him, finding him upstairs in his room. “What?”

“What stick is up your ass today? I haven’t seen you in almost three weeks. None of us have and you’re in a bad mood.”

“I was perfectly happy until I saw you kissing somebody else.”

“I wasn’t kissing him!”

“It didn’t look like that from my perspective.”

“Jensen.”

“Is this just a little game to you? You get bored of the older guy with kids finally?” he asked, crossing his arms. “Or maybe you just got caught finally.”

“I don’t cheat,” you said, getting in his face. “He kissed my cheek. I’ll call him to come back and explain this situation right now but I apparently you just think I’m a cheater.”

“Well maybe you are. Geez, we’ve been together over four months and no real sex yet? Cause that’s not sending red flags.”

“Because you weren’t fucking ready!” you shouted. “I’m not your wife and I’m never gonna be her. Don’t be mad at me for it.”

“No that’s for sure,” he said.

“The kids are in the front yard. Don’t expect me back today,” you said. You stormed downstairs and into your room, shoving some things in a bag before taking your purse and getting behind the wheel of your car. 

You were seeing red by the time you were out of the suburbs. You slammed your hand against the wheel and shouted.

“You fucking asshole,” you said. You sniffled and drove for a bit before finally pulling off. You drove down a long road, rolling your eyes when of course you passed by his brewery. You’d never been but he’d told you about it more than once. You kept going down the road, eventually finding a park to pull into. You shut off the car and shut your eyes, a knock on the window making you jump. You put down your window when you saw a cop there and did your best to wipe off your face.

“You’re double parked,” he said. 

“What?”

“You’re parked on the line,” he said. 

“Sorry,” you said. 

“Bad day?” he asked.

“Something like that,” you said. You could feel snot threatening to drip down your nose, the officer reaching into a pocket and handing you a tissue. “Thanks.”

“Best not to drive when you’re upset,” he said.

“Yeah. I’m just gonna sit here for a little while,” you said with a nod.

“Probably not a great idea to sit in a car next a playground,” he said. “The mom’s are kinda intense around here.”

“Of course they are,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Why don’t you move your car and you can join me on my patrol,” he said. “It’s only a short walk. Fresh air might do you good.”

“Last time I talked to another man my boyfriend sorta freaked out on me so maybe not a good idea,” you said. You blew your nose and realized what you’d said, the officer staring down. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Why don’t we take that walk so I can find out what you did mean.”

Two minutes later you were walking next to the cop. He had a baseball cap on and was in all black. You weren’t sure how he wasn’t boiling considering it was May in Austin.

“This boyfriend got a name?”

“You gonna run his name or something?” you asked.

“Do I need to?” he asked. You shook your head and he smiled. “He the jealous type? He get angry over you talking to other men?”

“It’s complicated.”

“If it doesn’t get uncomplicated I might have to pay this boyfriend a visit you understand.”

“His wife died last June.”

“Okay. I understand part of the complicated thing now.”

“Why’s he gotta be a dick? Called me a cheater,” you said. You crossed your arms and the cop chuckled. “Sorry.”

“As long as you don’t call me a dick we don’t got a problem. Did you cheat on him?”

“No. He...he works away and he just got home today and my guy friend was over helping me with watching my boyfriends kids while I did some chores and my guy friend is like, a really affectionate guy and he kissed my cheek as my boyfriend was coming in and my boyfriend thinks I was kissing him back and been cheating on him for the past three weeks.”

“Why don’t you just call the guy friend over to explain?”

“He got so pissed so fast and accused me of cheating. I’ve been dating him for nearly five months and he brings up the fact we haven’t had sex yet like that even matters when I’ve been holding back for him and he just blows up on me for fucking nothing,” you said.

“You’re both stubborn people, aren’t ya,” he said.

“Maybe,” you grumbled.

“Maybe this guy is scared and looking for a way out of the relationship. Or maybe he thinks you want out. You mentioned kids. That’s not easy.”

“He’s also...older. There’s an age gap. I was the nanny and now I’m the girlfriend nanny. He’s also kinda...famous,” you said.

“So there’s a lot of stress in this relationship then.”

“No,” you said, dropping your arms to your sides. “It’s not like that.”

“Maybe the dumb bastard just got scared of losing someone again,” he said. “Just a theory.”

“I wish he wasn’t scared,” you said. “I don’t know how to make him not afraid.”

“You ever think maybe he said that because you’re getting in there pretty good now and he’s getting real scared that losing you might hurt just as bad as this wife did.”

“He’s an idiot. But he’s my idiot,” you said. 

“Talk to him. Get an apology and try to forgive him.”

“I already forgive him. I know him. He was scared and I got mad instead of realizing after so many weeks apart all he needed was a freaking hug.”

“Then go home and give him a hug,” he said.

“Thanks,” you said with a nod. “I must have looked like a hot mess or something.”

“Oh for sure,” he chuckled. You smiled and he laughed. “That looks better.”

“Jensen probably left like five messages on my phone by now,” you said. The cop you were with paused and smiled. “What?”

“A kinda famous Jensen. There’s really only one of those in town,” he said.

“Oh. Yeah. Please don’t share that he’s dating. He really wants to keep things private for a lot of reasons right now,” you said.

“He’s my buddy.”

“Your buddy?”

“We went to school together,” he said. “In tenth grade he went for a slide on second base, ripped his pants right down the middle. His hanes bright blue covered ass still managed to get around to home base.”

“He split his pants in a baseball game?” you smiled.

“I know quite a few of his dirty secrets,” he said. “I don’t really know that whole acting thing but him I know and that must make you Y/N. You ever in trouble kid, ever just got a bad feeling and want a cop to come by, give me a call.”

“Thanks,” you said as you took his card. “You really think he’s a dumb bastard?”

“Oh knowing it’s him, 100%. Give him a break. We like him when he smiles,” he said.

“I’m gonna give him a call,” you said. “We should hang out sometime now that Jensen has a break.”

“Definitely. I gotta finish my patrol,” he said. “Take care Y/N.”

“Bye,” you said as you headed back towards your car. You pulled out your phone and saw seven missed calls and twelve unread texts. You tapped the screen and put the phone up to your ear, only ringing for a second.

“I’m sorry,” said Jensen.

“Me too.”

“I’m the one that...shit I’m so sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what happened.”

“You missed me and you were scared and seeing Doug probably hurt like a bitch,” you said.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t want to be the stupid jealous boyfriend.”

“I’m not too far from your brewery if you want to meet there. Get a beer. Blow this over,” you said.

“I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you. Stop apologizing. I want to give you a hug,” you said. 

“I’ll meet you there in thirty minutes?” he asked.

“I’ll see you soon honey.”

“Hi,” said Jensen as you sat at a quiet table in the back, sipping on a beer and eating a piece of pizza. You smiled and stood up, giving him a hug. He tucked his head down and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey we survived our first big fight as a couple,” you said. “That deserves beer and pizza.”

He sat down next to you, forcing a smile on his face. You reached over and cupped his cheek, Jensen turning into it. 

“Please forgive yourself,” you said.

“I don’t really want to,” he said.

“You called me a cheater. I get what I want today and that’s for you to forgive yourself.”

“I don’t know why I said that.”

“Jensen,” you said, stroking his cheek. “I love you.”

He stared at you, a different look in his eyes, the tiniest sliver of a smile peeking through. You inched closer and slid your hand around to the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss. He felt softer than usual, lips barely moving against yours. 

“I love you,” he said. He wrapped his arms around you and grinned. “I have loved you for a very long time.” You kissed him again, Jensen returning it. 

He left his arm around your back, smirking when you did the same to him.

“Can we forget about earlier?” you asked. He nodded and rested his head on your shoulder.

“One last I’m sorry though,” he said.

“Just don’t call me that again and we’re all good, Jens,” you said. “Now eat some of this pizza so I don’t feel like a glutton.”

“I don’t have to slip into a superhero costume any more so dad bod here I come,” he chuckled.

“Does that mean Solider Boy meets some untimely end?”

“No spoilers,” he said. “But I don’t think I’ll be going back to that show. At least as often. I know I want to direct an episode of walker in the fall. I talked to Jared about it actually so that’ll be fun. I might do a duck and run guest appearance on it. I’ll line up something for next year but I want to be home for awhile, do work around here.” 

“I know quite a few people who would be more than okay with that,” you said. 

“Don’t make any plans for Saturday,” he smirked.

“I thought you were having your Jared day tomorrow.”

“Oh we are. Gen invited you and the kids over. She’d like to get to know you. You’ll love her,” he said.

“So what’s Saturday then?” you asked.

“I’d like to take you and the kids out on the boat. We haven’t been since before the accident. Maybe we can go out for dinner and put up the tent in the backyard, have a sleepover out there with the kids.”

“That sounds fun.”

“And...I’d like to maybe next week take you out for the day, just us, maybe...spend the night somewhere,” he said.

“Like a hotel?” you asked.

“Yeah. Or the kids can have a sleepover at Jared’s. Maybe.” He glanced down and you moved your arm from his back, reaching behind yourself to hold his hand. Green eyes flickered over to yours and you smiled. “I’m-”

“You know if you keep apologizing about earlier I’m not going to have sex with you,” you said. “That’s just facts.”

“Okay,” he chuckled. “No more apologies. Aside from...I really am sorry about what I said. I’m the one that’s been holding back and not once have you asked for more.”

“We said we’d take it slow and that’s okay,” you said. He squeezed your hand and nodded. “I don’t like you because you’re attractive or your hair is great or your arms are massive. Having fun with you is fun but that’s not why I’m here.”

“I don’t know if I can give you things you want,” he said.

“Just give me you and that’s good with me,” you said.

“Okay,” he said quietly. You scooted closer to him, Jensen tucking a stray hair behind your ear. “Let’s do it now.”

“Uh, what?” you said, taking a sip from your beer.

“The kids aren’t home and I don’t want to wait and-”

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” you said, knocking back your beer and flipping the cardboard down over your pizza. He stared and you burped, picking up the box. “There’s like six slices left and this is too good to waste, even for sex.”

“You have literally never been more attractive than in this moment,” he said. 

“I could be.”

“I’ll see you at the house in twenty?”

“Yes you will Ackles.”

Forty minutes later you hand was slapping against his headboard, legs squeezed so tight around his waist you were shocked he wasn’t complaining. You moaned loudly as he teased your clit and he delivered one more hard thrust. He grunted as you gripped his shoulder with your other hand.

“Jensen,” you breathed out. “I’m right there. Please, please, please…”

You arched your back when he thrust hard, fingers rubbing just a bit rougher and you came all around him, every muscle tensed and riding out that high, long, deep, absolutely perfect orgasm. Jensen thrust a few more times before he groaned and rested his head on your shoulder, big panting breaths fanning over your skin. 

He was sweaty but pulled out slowly, plopping down on the bed beside you, hand resting on his chest.

“I don’t know about you but that was good,” he said. “Damn good.”

You giggled between breaths, nodding your head slightly. You tilted it over towards his, Jensen already staring at you with soft hooded green eyes. 

“Definitely damn good,” you breathed. His lips tugged up into a smile, warm and gentle, his head inching closer to you. You sat up and leaned down to kiss him, Jensen breaking off when he needed air. You trailed a finger down his chest before climbing out of bed and excusing yourself to the bathroom. After you cleaned up you found Jensen chucking the condom in the trash and wiping himself off quickly. 

“Come here you,” he said. He picked you up bridal style and carried you back to the bed, laying you down carefully. “I’m big on after sex cuddling just so you know.”

“I find that to be a very attractive quality,” you said as he lay down. He reached down to the end of the bed and grabbed the bunched up blanket, pulling it over the two of you. His arm slid under your head and he pulled you into his side, encouraging you to use him as a pillow. “You’re warm.”

“So are you,” he said. He kissed your temple and let out a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“I never thought I’d be able to do that ever again. Let alone not feel bad about doing it,” he said.

“You okay?”

“I’m great,” he said. “Really. I know Dee would have been telling me to not worry so I didn’t. I don’t...I feel like I can talk about her again, you know?”

“You used to call her your wife a lot. Recently you’ve been saying her name more. I think you really are healing, Jensen.”

“I knew the second you left earlier I messed up. I dropped the kids off at Jared’s and then I wound up at the cemetery. I saw these purple flowers there. It’s kinda a different flower but they were her favorite. I’ve only ever told one other person those were her favorites,” he said. You traced your finger over his pec and rested your palm flat on his chest. “Why’d you put flowers there?”

“Why wouldn’t I Jensen?”

“That’s how I knew I can stop being so scared when it comes to you. Purple fucking flowers. You’re just…”

“I love you too,” you said, giving his whole body a squeeze. He returned it, holding you for a long time, neither one of you saying a word. It wasn’t until you noticed the light starting to change in the room that you both moved. 

“Y/N,” said Jensen when you sat upright. You looked over your shoulder, a smile on his face. “Do you want to stay upstairs with me from now on instead of your room? It’s okay if-”

“I’d love to,” you said. “To be honest, I slept up here the other night.”

“You did?” he asked as you nodded.

“I missed you.”

“Me too,” he said.

“I know three little faces that really missed you too,” you said. He smiled and nodded. “Let’s go get the rascals.”

______

A/N: Read Part 9 here!

[msmarvelouswinchester]

Call You Mine

Summary - When Y/N meets Jensen on the set of Supernatural, her life takes an unexpected turn. Never in her wildest dreams, Y/N thought that their casual friendship will change into something sinful after they shoot a risqué scene together one night.

Pairing - Jensen x Y/N, Jensen x OFC!Millie

Warnings - Angst, infidelity, mentions of guilt and despair, explicit mention of extramarital affairs, SMUT 18+ minors DNI (p in v, fingering, dirty talk), slight mention of Dom!Jensen (it's very slight), fluff, a happy ending.

WC - 3052

Square Filled - Free Space ( @supernatural-jackles' Tell Me A Story Bingo); Song Based Fic ( @spnmixedbingo )

A/N 1 - This is a submission for @tvdspngirl314's challenge. My prompt was "I met a girl, we talked, it was epic."

Also this is a submission for @negans-lucille-tblr's "7Ks of the Week Challenge" (Congratulations on your 7k)

@deangirl93's 500 followers challenge (congrats on your 500). My prompt was the song "I Can't Quit You Baby". All prompts are in bold.

A/N 2 - This is a work of pure fiction and irl I absolutely do not support the act of cheating in a relationship. No hate towards the Ackles fam. I love Danneel and for the sake of the fic, Jensen is married to an OFC and not Dee.

Beta'd by @miss-nerd95 (Thanks, hon <33)

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

I can't quit you baby

So I'm gonna put you down for awhile

I said I can't quit you baby

I guess I gotta put you down for awhile

“Jensen...” The name rolled off her tongue effortlessly as the man’s fingers danced across her bare skin, his electrifying touch leaving Y/N breathless, panting and begging for more. The very touch of his that had started it all.

Everyone always expressed how being in love was the most exhilarating feeling in the world, but no one ever spoke about the perils of being in love with a person who already belonged to someone else. The ring on Jensen's finger served as a wistful and painful reminder of that.

As soon as the doors had closed, the actor had backed up Y/N against the elevator, letting her see the need in his eyes. His hands had sneaked behind her, his fingers entangling with the strands of her hair, completely messing the hairstyle she had pulled off for the m&g panel in the evening. Her hands landed on his biceps, trying to steady herself. Their lips moulded together so perfectly as if they were made for each other, but it pained Y/N to think that she was nothing but his dirty mistress.

Their relationship, if she could even call it one, was all about clandestine meets, stolen stares and subtle touches. Jensen was like a drug for her and she was high on the thrill of being with him even if he was gone in the morning, leaving her behind with nothing but guilt.

Jensen had closed the door of the suite behind him as they stepped into Y/N’s room together. With lips swollen from their heavy makeout in the elevator, he wasted no time as she found herself pinned to the wall by the actor's strong hands. In the fairly lit room, she noticed his wedding band was now missing. Y/N knew Jensen and his wife's relationship was on the rocks even before she had started to work on the SPN set. Which was also the reason why few months ago, the hide-and-seek between them and the hungry paps with cameras had started.

Hands on her hips, Jensen had pulled her close on the set, more than the director demanded it. That night, he had found himself standing inside her trailer, after the fated shot. The heart wants what it wants and just as the saying went, they had given in to their burning desires. In a moment of weakness, Jensen had broken off every single one of his vows and destroyed any hope of salvaging his relationship with his estranged wife.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” Jensen ripped her blouse off, unhooking her bra quickly, barely containing his eagerness before stepping out of his own jacket. Y/N clutched at the ends of the counter, knocking off the magazines lying on top of it and draping her other arm around Jensen's firm body. He delicately cupped her face as his mouth devoured hers. She could taste the mint and coffee on his lips feeling his teeth graze roughly against her, making her moan into him. The actor pushed her legs apart with his knees and stood close between her thighs as his tongue explored every inch of her mouth.

In desperate need of air, they momentarily separated before Jensen dipped his head down again, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses down her neck. Y/N’s legs buckled under his hypnotic touch when his mouth found her pulse point and she supported herself against his body. Jensen's hands moved down to her breasts, kneading them. His fingers caressed her hard nipples before his mouth latched onto one sensitive bud.

“Jay, please-” Y/N could only form two words as Jensen flicked her nipple while his fingers worked on the other one, spurring her on. Words weren't quite necessary, cause the man knew exactly what she needed. He knew her every tic, her every emotion like the back of his hand and Y/N was aware of that fact as well. No one could ever worship her body like he did.

Jensen was still wearing the black polo shirt, his noticeable bulge painfully straining in his jeans. She felt her wetness dampening the fabric of her panties as she thrusted her hips forward in need of some friction, her heated core brushing against his bulge.

Pulling apart for a second, Jensen’s viridian eyes studied her as his hands sneaked under her skirt. He watched her intently as she sucked on her bottom lip, closing her eyes when his fingers grazed past her soakedpanties.

A moan escaped her wet lips when Jensen's fingers hooked themselves with the waistband and in one swift pull, got rid of the panties. It quickly glided down her legs, pooling at her feet. He teased her by flicking at her bundle of nerves, making her lean her head back against the wall.

Y/N swayed on her feet a little, her hold on his shoulders tightening as she finally felt her legs give away when his fingers rubbed circles on her clit.

“Fuck-” she panted as he pushed a single finger inside her.

“Have you been thinkin’ about me all day?” Jensen leaned towards her ears, his scruff grazing across her neck. Y/N nodded, not trusting her voice, eyes still squeezed shut in sheer ecstasy.

“Sweetheart, use your words.” He ordered as his finger curled inside her.

“Yeah-fuck, yes.” Jensen kissed below her ear, smirking against her skin when she obediently answered him.

“I have been thinkin’ about you too, counting down the hours till I could get you alone.” He whispered against her neck. She mewled at the feeling of him adding another finger, his thick digits stretching her out as they curled inside her. “That little dress wasn't helping either.”

“Uh-huh,” she could feel the coil inside her tightening as his finger worked their way inside her, his thumb rubbing at her folds and clit, edging her on.

“I have thinkin’ all day about you clenching around my fingers and then my cock-” his words had an immediate effect as she clenched around his fingers as he kept pumping into her, “you've thinkin’ about that too, huh?” Y/N nodded again.

“What did I say? Words.” His other hand travelled down her body, stopping at her stomach and he pinched at her waist. “Words, baby.”

“I-I have been thinki-” Y/N panted when she realised she was close to her climax. Jensen picked up his pace and pumped his fingers faster into her, brushing past her g-spot over and over again.

When you hear me moaning and groaning, baby,

You know it hurts me deep down inside

When you hear me moaning and groaning, baby,

You know it hurts me deep down inside

Oh, when you hear me, honey, baby,

You know you're my one desire

“Lemme say it, sweetheart. I know you've been thinking how I would make you come on my fingers, how my dick is gonna fill you up, make you come all over me. Don't lie.” Jensen's every assumption was right to the dot. She had been thinking of everything to the last detail since the moment she watched him get out of his car, right outside of the convention building. But there was another thought on her mind, the image of him pushing her against one of the counters of his empty brewery a few weeks ago with him buried deep inside her.

That was the last she had seen Jensen before the convention as he had gone back home to his wife.

His wife.

The one woman he had promised to be with in sickness and health, till death do them apart. Guilt clouded Y/N’s mind but all rational thoughts flew out of the window when he lowered his head, kissing the neck and the coil inside her finally snapped.

With a cry of his name, she came undone on his fingers, her legs finally giving away but Jensen's hold prevented her from toppling over. He pulled his fingers out as she whimpered at the feeling. His digits still covered in her juices, Jensen pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it somewhere in the room. Y/N panted, trying to come down from the high but she wanted more. She needed to feel him.

“Y/N-” Jensen rasped, looking right at her with lust blown eyes. Y/N smacked her lips at the sight of his freckled, toned body.

“Like what you see, sweetheart?” He smirked as Y/N eagerly reached out for his belt buckle.

“Uh-huh.” She agreed. Jensen bit back a moan when she reached out to palm his bulge. He threw his head back at the feeling of her hand on his erection through his jeans.

“It has been weeks-” Jensen said, clearly hinting at their last time together at the brewery. He quickly unbuckled his belt, pushing down his jeans along with his boxers, his erection springing free from its confines.

“Baby, it has been weeks since I felt your tight pussy wrapped around me. Fuck.” Y/N looked at him with hooded eyes and wrapped her fingers around his length, running her palm along its shaft and her thumb rubbed the tip of his cock, already lined with beads of precum. Jensen hiked her skirt up, pushing her hands away and gave his hard cock a few slow strokes. He nudged her sensitive core with his swollen tip, all while pulling out sweet, sinful noises out of her.

“Jay,” he loved hearing her needy moans, her voice raspy when she called out his name. His hands grabbed her ass and picked her up. Hooking her legs and arms behind him, with her back still firmly pushed up against the wall, Jensen lined himself with at her entrance.

Grunting, he pushed himself into her and wrapped his arms around her body. Y/N’s mouth fell open with an inaudible moan at the feeling of his cock stretching her out. Jensen placed a chaste kiss on her lips as he let her adjust to his size before slowly pulling out of her, leaving only the tip of his engorged cock inside, and pushed back in again, much deeper than before.

Her legs tightened around his waist, pulling him close as she bucked up her hips to match his rhythm. “Fuck, baby, you feel so good.” Jensen grunted as he started to thrust faster.

Y/N whimpered, her eyes fluttering close as Jensen snapped his hips forward before slowly drawing them back. With every thrust, she inched closer to her release as their breathing became ragged. The actor’s skin was flushed, his cheeks turning a bright red with beads of sweat lining his forehead as he felt her clench around her. Her nails dug into his back as the coil inside her tightened.

“‘M so close,” she whispered, as he continued to mercilessly pound into her.

“Cum around my cock, baby. I wanna feel you all over me-” Jensen growled into her ears, tugging on her earlobes with his teeth and his breath tickled her neck, making her quiver. Jensen had an effect on her that no one ever had. Sometimes, she would say to herself that Millie was a really lucky woman who got to have Jensen all the time and not just on convention weekends and sneaky nights spent in his empty brewery or a trailer park.

And Y/N was the one who was ruining their relationship. A home-wrecker. The tabloids would rightfully call her that if they ever found out about their twisted relationship.

“Jensen, fuck-” a cry of pure ecstasy left her lips as the coil inside her snapped once more and she felt herself coming undone for the second time that night. Jensen's thrust had become sloppy. He rocked his hips forward, thrusting a few more times. Burying his face in the crook of her neck a muffled scream of her name escaped his lips as he spilled into her, his white, hot seed coating her walls.

He lazily circled his hips a few times, his cock becoming soft inside her before he pulled out of her. His cum trickled down her leg, when he set her down, Y/N felt herself go weak in her knees when she tried to stand.

“Hi,” Jensen smiled, their eyes meeting, before he leaned forward.

“Hi.” Y/N whispered back. They stood together, holding each other closely with their foreheads touching. Guilt seeped into her and so did despair but she didn't regret any moment they spent together.

“Let me clean up the mess,” Jensen said.

“I'm gonna hop into the shower.” She said, holding out the hope that he would join her but he didn't.

“Alright.” It was all he said. Dejected, she pulled away from him and made her way towards the shower. All she wanted was to spend every single minute with him before he went back to his room to keep up the facade of his happily married life.

In the shower, Y/N thought about the day she had first met Jensen when she was a newbie on the set and reflected back on their rollercoaster of a relationship. There was an instant connection between them. Jensen was always such a gentleman. He truly cared for her, but love... she didn't know if even the idea of love existed between them or if she was just an affair.

She stepped out of the bathroom and saw that Jensen was now In his boxers. He gave her a nod and moved past her into the bathroom. A sad smile formed on her lips as she watched him walk away. She put on a comfortable pair of pjs and crawled into the bed, under the covers, waiting for the exact moment when Jensen stepped out of the bathroom and put on his clothes. And just like every other time, she would watch him leave after he kissed her forehead and told her he doesn't have a choice.

This time though, it was going to be different.

Y/N didn't want Jensen to leave, neither did she want to watch him go so she squeezed her eyes shut, adamant of not responding when he walked up to her.

She flinched when he heard the bathroom door shut. She counted down the minutes till the goodbye kiss but instead she felt the other side of the bed dip down with a familiar weight. Opening her eyes, she felt his hand wrapping around her waist. Jensen was in her bed. She turned to face him.

He was breathing slowly. His long lashes rested against his cheek and his freckled face reflected the look of absolute contentment.

Said you know I love you baby

My love for you I could never hide

Oh, you know I love you baby

My love for you I could never hide

Oh when I feel you near me little girl

I know you are my one desire

“You're staring.” He whispered.

“You're staying.” She replied back, making his beautiful eyes flutter open.

Pursing his lips together, he said, “Do you not want me to?”

“No-I mean, yes. Stay…But, what about Jared?”

“What about him?” He scrunched up his face in confusion.

“What if he finds out about us?” Y/N asked as she panicked. Hiding this relationship from Jared was the hardest task. He was like a brother to Jensen so he didn't want to lie to him but it was important to keep him in the shadows.

“Let him find out. I don't care anymore-”

“Jensen!” Y/N exclaimed. She didn't understand what was going on in his mind.

“It's okay, Y/N.” He said.

“How is it okay?”

“Millie and I are over. I finally ended it.”

Her mouth fell open in complete surprise. Of everything she had expected, this was the last thing she was anticipating to hear. “Our relationship was long dead anyway. We have separated. I'm filing for a divorce once I go back home this week.” Y/N would lie if she said that the thought of him choosing her over his wife had never crossed her mind.

“It's all because of me, isn't it-”

“No. No, sweetheart. We were already over even before I met you. I was just too scared to admit it to myself but then I met a girl, we talked. It was epic and the thought of losing her scared me more than anything else.” Jensen caressed her cheek, a gentle smile gracing his lips. He felt a burden being lifted from his shoulders. He could finally be with the woman he truly loved.

“Does this mean no more hiding?” She said, tears pooled in her eyes. Y/N needed to hear him say it now that she could shout it from the rooftops Jensen belonged to her, and she to him.

“Being with you made me realise what I was missing. All this while, I wasted my time trying to work on a dead relationship when I should have realised sooner that it was a lost case. That you are the one I want 'cause baby, I can't quit you. Millie and I would have never worked out no matter how many couple’s therapy we went to….I have never regretted a single moment I have spent with you. I love what we have. I love you.” Her breath hitched in her throat as she took in everything he said. Her mind was reeling from his sudden declaration. A single tear rolled down her cheek, as the corners of her lips tugged up, forming a smile but she was too overwhelmed to say anything, which Jensen took the wrong way and it scared him.

“Y/N-” his smile disappeared as his hand dropped from her cheeks, “I want you to be mine. Will you be mine?” Y/N immediately moved towards him. Her hands raked through his soft hair before she pulled him in for a longing kiss.

“I didn't even realise when I became yours but I know it happened at some point, Jay. I love you so much.” Y/N said. With smiles and their eyes sparkling with newfound happiness, they stayed in bed as Y/N nuzzled into his side. Jensen's warm hands were wrapped around her and she smiled against his chest. For the first time, the fear of losing Jensen didn't cross her mind because she knew he would stay with her that night and all that would follow. She was going to wake up with him by her side and didn't have to sneak behind anyone's back anymore.

She was happy and in love and so was Jensen.

Feedback is highly appreciated!

[georgiapeach30513]

How the relationship between Ransom and Blade develop during the years? We got Ransoms relationship between all girls and what about sweet Blady? Also whats Ransom take on Blade’s tattoos 🤔 did he have „THE TALK” with him😏

Blade is very close with his dad, also with Jake Jensen who accidently introduced Shibari to Blade. He plays that innocent role so well with his mother, which we know is a lie. And yes, Ransom had the talk with him. Kitten wants to believe her son just isn't having sex. Like ever, and when he does, it's just to create a baby. Ransom wasn't the biggest fan of Blade's tattoos at first. Especially when he realized he was becoming covered in them. But then he saw the artwork for what it was. A lot of his tattoos were actually designed by Lucy, the rest by Chris (eventually one of Lucy's conquests 😉) HOWEVER! The best thing is when Ransom discovers Blade's obsession with ropes.

🖤🖤🖤🖤

Butterscotch Blondie

Summary: Ransom catches Blade

Pairings: Ransom Drysdale X Blade Drysdale

Rating: explicit-ish

Warnings: mentions of shibari, mentions of knife kink, explicit language, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 600

Desperate Lives AU Masterlist

Blade Drysdale Masterlist

"Nu-uh, nope," Ransom closes the room door in Blade's apartment. He should have known better. Should have recognized those sounds, but he was not prepared for that. Not in the least bit. Never. He doesn't know whether to be offended or proud of his son. He doesn't know whether to wait outside or just go on home, but he did have some business to attend to with Blade, but at this point he's honestly forgot.

And there she goes. Giving Ransom a beyond irritated look as she trots down the hallway. Blade comes to the door pulling on a shirt over his low slung sweatpants. "Don't even start. I told you I was going to be here at four to attend to some business. I was late and that was..."

"Lucy calls her Butterscotch Blondie."

"Do I want to know?"

"She's an idiot and likes to drink my expensive scotch," Ransom clears his throat before walking in the apartment. "Your expensive scotch."

"I keep that here because I want to have something to drink sometimes, and you're letting some girl that you fucking had hanging from the ceiling my scotch."

"Don't act like you and mom were blech...can we not do this?"

Ransom starts to look in the room, "You could have closed the damn door. Where the hell did you learn that shit?"

"Jake."

"Wait until your mother..."

"Oh my god! It's bad enough you saw that, but mom? I also got ideas of the internet it's this thing you can search..."

"Yeah, I know. I'm not that old. Hanging from the ceiling, huh?" Ransom teasingly rubs along his jaw, and looks over at Blade.

"Nope. Don't even want to know."

_____________________________________________________________

"How the hell are we going to get the tree tied to the top of the car," you ask as Ransom and Blade hoist the tree on top.

"Don't worry, Kitten. You're son is a master at ropes," Lucy begins doubling over with laughter. Holding tightly to her stomach as she looks at her brother.

"And then when we get home Lucy can make sure to cut them off. Don't you have special knives you like to play with Morningstar?" Lucy stops laughing and glares at Blade.

"Hmm...mom, do you remember Abagail? Preacher Sullivan's daughter, Blade you remember, didn't you two have a few lovely, long weeks together," Blade's face is the one that falls this time as Lucy gives him an eat shit grin.

"Oh yeah. She was precious. She just randomly showed up at the house multiple days in a row with some brownies asking for Blade," little do you know that Abagail was obsessed with Blade. Couldn't get enough of his sexual healing.

"Maybe we should invite her over for dinner sometime. Blade was asking about her."

"Yeah well..." Lucy grabs up her phone ready to call her, "I hate you."

"Love you, too Bladey."

"I'm so confused," you go to walk back to grab the fresh garland that the store was preparing for you.

"What does Lucy call that one?" Ransom asks nearly in tears he's been holding his laughs in for so long.

"The Slutty Brownie."

"Do I want to know why?"

Lucy's head peeks out the window, "Her favorite dessert to bring to church is brownies. She's such a sweet little good girl, but I've heard her. She's the biggest slut Blade's got."

"She thought we were going to get married."

"Don't fuck preacher's daughters. That's what I got out of that. Alright, let's get this tree back to the house and pretend that my son doesn't have a bondage kink and my wife's daughter doesn't have a....nope. Not gonna say it. Let's go."

Masterlist

[ashtraythief]

Jensen and Dani -- underneath verse snippet

I wrote part of this for the Dani chapter in Slip Ups, but it didn't fit. I finished it for Val's birthday and because it still doesn't really fit into the fic, I'm posting it here (after posting it on Twitter for the birthday girl).

After a night out dancing, Jensen and Dani have a late night conversation, pondering the nature of their lives and their relationships with their families.

It wasn’t until they were back at the mansion, and Jensen was keeping her company while she smoked a good night cigarette on the balcony that Dani thought about the scene outside of the restrooms again. Jared was already asleep and so were the dogs. The house was quiet and dark. Out here, on Jared’s big property, the only source of light was the end of Dani’s cigarette gleaming in the night and downtown Chicago’s lights in the distance.

“We can talk, you know.”

Jensen looked at her. “About what?”

“Everything.” She flicked the cigarette. “I know we party and relive our greatest hits, but I know that your life wasn’t always this glamorous. And neither was mine. So. I’m just saying.”

He leaned against the stone balustrade. “I appreciate it. But there’s a reason I’m living this life now. My first one sucked.”

Dani knew that Campbell wasn't his real name, knew he’d made a clean cut, same as her. “All bad?”

“Nah.” Jensen hesitated, then stretched out a hand.

Wordlessly, Dani handed over her silver cigarette case. Jensen rarely indulged, but occasionally, he bummed a cigarette when he was drunk. Or in a mood.

“I mean, it was kinda fucked up, but college was nice. I could have gone the straight route.” He laughed a little. “Well, not that kind of straight.”

Dani grinned, then took another drag. “Do you miss your family?”

“Do you?”

Dani thought about her father, alone in the big farmhouse. About her mom’s gravestone. About her two sisters, married and raising a brood of kids with husbands who worked the family’s cattle ranch.

“Sometimes. Not as often as I probably should.”

Jensen took a drag of his cigarette and slowly blew out the smoke in circles. “You wanna go back?”

Dani shook her head. “I send postcards for Thanksgiving and presents for the kids for Christmas. But I haven’t been back in years. They don’t understand.”

Jensen nodded. “I miss them too. My sister. Even my half-brother. But they don’t get me either. It’s not even the gay thing—” Jensen snorted “—well, my mom certainly wasn’t happy, but it’s just... I always felt like an odd duck. When I was a teenager, it didn’t matter, with the whole rebellious streak, but after… I don’t know. I love them, you know, but I always felt kind of shitty that I couldn’t really fit. And it hasn’t really gotten better over the years.”

He raised the cigarette to his mouth, rubbed the filter against his lips before inhaling. “I used to go back, for holidays and when I needed a break. But, at some point, it was an idea of a safe haven. A memory. It wasn’t… it was never like what I found here.”

“Why do you think that is?” Dani asked. It was the same for her and she hadn’t really found answers. Yes, killing had made her hard, but she still had friends. Had found a new kind of family. “You think it’s because they don’t know?”

Jensen wet his lips, took another deep drag. Looked over to his left, to his and Jared’s bedroom. “Maybe. But it also feels like—like I’ve been figuring out more and more who I am. Why I didn’t fit. And it gets harder to pretend.”

Dani thought about that. “Yeah. I don’t think you’re wrong there.” She pressed out her cigarette stub.

Jensen gave her a half-smile. “What a way to end the night.”

Dani stepped up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “A good way. Now go to your man before I have to listen to him lecture me about enticing you to smoke.”

Jensen looked over to his bedroom again. Barely visible, Jared was leaning against the balcony door. They hadn’t been loud, but Jared seemed to have a sixth sense about Jensen coming home. He was giving them space, but Dani knew that Jared didn't like to wait for people.

Jensen put out his own smoke, then took Dani’s hand. “Thanks.”

She squeezed his hand. “Sleep well.”

“You too.”

She walked over to the big glass doors on the other side of the veranda but stopped before going inside. Instead, she looked back.

Jared had opened the sliding door to the bedroom, and Jensen stepped up against him.

“You stink.” Despite the words, Jared’s voice was low and soft. Heavy with affection like it never was when they were in company.

“I can take a shower,” Jensen said, tilting his head so he could press a kiss to Jared’s neck.

For a moment it was quiet, then Jared sucked in a sharp breath. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

Jensen let out a throaty laugh while Jared pulled him inside.

Jensen was truly home here.

Dani smiled and stepped into the hallway, walked over to the room that was hers whenever she was here. Walked over the expensive, polished wooden floor to the restored nineteenth-century vanity Jared had gifted her after her first year of working for him. She took off her jewelry, gold and diamonds. She let her hands glide over the assortment of bottles of perfume and make-up, then she walked into the ensuite bathroom, marble floors and an elegant gold-frame mirror. She got ready for bed and then slid into her high thread count sheets.

It was lovely. But it wasn’t home. Neither was her New York apartment.

Home was still that old ranch house with the fading white paint and the green shutters out on the Wyoming plains. She didn’t fit anymore, but maybe it would be nice to go home after all. Just for a while. She knew her dad would greet her with open arms. He didn’t understand—he tried to, but his service in the army had led him down a different path than Dani—but he loved her unconditionally. Just a few days. Before the facade would crack and the questions would come. Thanksgiving maybe. It had been three years. But it would be nice, to go back home. Have someone greet her, just this once, with that kind of soft, unconditional love that was so hard to find.

[lumiereandcogsworth]

I am legally obligated to send you Supernatural for the ask game <3 😌

so true thank you 😌

favorite female character: JOANNA BETH HARVELLE??? OF COURSE?? also love ellen and charlie and bela. iconic ladies🥰

favorite male character: DEAN-O! DEANY BEANY! DEANFORD! DEANINGTON! THAT GUY! i do love bobby and sam and cas too. also shoutout to crowley, that’s my bestie.

favorite season: i do NOT think i have a favorite season. i love bits from all that i have seen. but the obvious answer is the jo seasons 😌 2, 5, and 7 😌 clearly 😌 but season 1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes good exquisite.

favorite episode: 8x12 as time goes by! i love henry winchester (winks at emily) i love that funky guy his blue suit his 1950s brain making him so dumb in modern day sjdksj. when dean asks to borrow the computer and he laughs “like you could fit an entire computer in this room” BELOVED HAHA. OH ALSO !!!!!!! 6x04 weekend at bobby’s. that’s a really good ep i love that guy. ALSO 2x06 NO EXIT OBVIOUSLY MOST ICONIC EPISODE TO EVER EXIST.

favorite cast member: i mean, jensen of course. have you seen that guy. also he just *clenches fists* he put so much, poured so much soul into dean. GOSH.

favorite ship: dean winchester and jo harvelle are in love. they actually end up married with four kids. in this essay i will—

character i’d die defending: jo harvelle. i am a proud solider in the jo harvelle army and i will defend her in the STREETS. I WILL COMMIT VIOLENT ACTS

character i just can’t sympathize with: anna milton? the angel? i just did not vibe with her at all. also she seemed like she was trying too hard to act just like cas. but also the character i just ?? nah

also, i mean, john winchester. fuck that guy. all my homies hate that guy. he did NOT do the best he could, actually!

character i grew to love: dean! i NEVER disliked him or anything like that, i just don’t think i appreciated him the way i do now. probably just because i’m older maybe, idk! i always loved that guy but i just love him MORE now.

anti otp: i mean… w*ncest. ya freaks. also jo/charlie i’m sorry i just don’t get it!! also jo/meg!! also sam/jo!! also sam/gabriel !! i really don’t get sam/gabriel. i truly… i was so surprised to see how popular that one was. i do not understand. i don’t really get sam/cas either but at least they have some kind of relationship lmao?? anyway this fandom is huge and i don’t get most of the ships. chestervelle supremacy, goodnight! *downs my drink and shatters the glass on the floor*

*whispers* they’re holding hands here! :)

[nymph1e]

Okay fuck it, I gotta give in, I gotta watch through Supernatural. AFAIK, it's all on Netflix; at least I saw it on there in passing. Going into this, is there anything I should be aware of? Are there any episodes I should skip, any seasons? Should I start from season 4? I know the basic plot and concept, and I know it's very monster-of-the-week. But aside from me highkey shipping Destiel already, that's all.

Well my first piece of advice would be

but uh, let’s fucking ~GO~

If you’re actually jumping into this hellhole (why why why) don’t start at season 4. It’s tempting, but seasons 1-3 are some of the best shit in the whole show, also having context for Sam and Dean’s characters, and their relationship with the supernatural up to season 4 really highlights how fucking wild the introduction of angels is in the show. it’s basically a complete paradigm shift.

I would recommend you watch seasons 1-5 basically as is, though if you’re in a rush, season three is kinda skippable as long as you read a general synopsis. This is the original arc of the show and it shows. A friend of mine, @sammwinchestersdimples​ has said she’d have been fine if the show had ended there, and I can totally see her point. After season five things start to get... uhhhhh... not as good. THAT BEING SAID some really amazing seasons come later, and you’d get nowhere NEAR the Full Destiel Experience without them. What REALLY sucks is that all the seasons have good moments in them, so even if the seasons are generally bad, they’ll have episodes of GOLD. But fuck it, here’s a season-by-season breakdown.

Season 6 - This is the first... “eh” season. There’s a lot of character choices made in this one that I don’t like. The plot also doesn’t quite seem to know what to do with itself and it has no real main villain... or I guess it has a twist villain? This is also the season where they start chucking in the typical “no homos” you get when a show is queerbaiting, so they can point to the no homo bits and claim the queers are delusional.

Season 7 - The absolute WORST season, imo, is season 7, and it features Cas the least out of all the post season 4 seasons. You can tell the writers genuinely tried to write Cas off here. Not to mention the main plot is completely stupid. HOWEVER this is the season where we get golden things like Cas showing up to Dean’s prayer naked and covered in bees, and the episode where Charlie (best girl) is introduced and Dean subsequently has to flirt with a dude because she, a lesbian, cannot. (Wow so straight, Dean)

Episodes Not To Skip:

6x03 - A good Cas/plot episode (spot the famous destiel quote)

6x04 - A good all-round episode, also Jackles directed it so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

6x09 - This is one of the Batshit Episodes. Definitely watch.

6x10 - On the one hand, Cas episode. On the other, no homo, megstiel episode. Your choice.

6x11 - Good episode.

6x15 - THE ULTIMATE META EPISODE. Sam and Dean are teleported into Jared Padelecki and Jensen Ackles’ lives on the set of Supernatural and it is so batshit.

6x17 - Jolly good episode, and nice destiel content.

6x18 - Time travel episode, which is always fun.

6x19 - “Baby in a trenchcoat.” ‘Nough said.

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King is the destiel episode. It is infamous in the fandom, and for good reason. It’s not just a good destiel episode, but one of the best episodes in the series. With banging lines like “Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.” and “For a brief moment, I was me again.”

6x21 & 6x22 - The last two episodes are kind of must-watches after TMWWBK, trust me.

Episodes Not To Skip:

7x01 & 7x02 - follows on from s6 final. You don’t wanna skip.

7x05 - Good general episode

7x06 - Again, good general episode. Sets ups plot for the season.

7x08 - Ugh. So the A plot for this episodes invoves Becky, the insane, stalker, fandom-insert character, roofie Sam into marrying her (and it’s heavily implied they have sex - and it’s treated as a joke despite being LITERAL RAPE). BUT this is the episode where Garth is introduced and Garth is fucking amazing. So. IDEK.

7x10 & 7x11 - Plot important.

7x12 - Time travel episode! See if you can catch the bi!dean moment ;)

7x17 - Cas is back! Or is he???

7x18 - GARTH EPISODE

7x20 - CHARLIE!!!! WATCH THIS EPISODE!!!!

7x21 - Cas episode. It’s... interesting.

7x22 - The tagline for this episode is “Sam and Dean seek out an Alpha” 😭. It’s a Cas episode.

7x23 - If Cas weren’t in this episode I’d say skip it.

Season 8 - A fantastic season. If The Man Who Would Be King is the destiel episode, season 8 is the destiel season. When you watch this, DM me so I can RANT about all the amazing destiel this season. It’s also, again, a great season in general I remember watching it as it was airing it was soooo good. You have the arrival of the Bunker, you have Kevin and Charlie being awesome, some nice sprinkles of batshit episodes, BEST BOY BENNY rocks up in all his glory. Fucking epic season. Only downside it Sam’s character takes a bit of a dive. I’d recommend you watch through all of this season.

Episodes To AVOID:

7x13 - I literally pretend this stupid fucking episode doesn’t exist. Basically Dean impregnates a woman with Super Pregnancy and she has a daughter who becomes an adult within hours and then dies. The end. Everyone hated it. Man fuck this episode. Of course it was written by Buckleming.

Season 9 - Sadly, after how amazing season 8 was, and how spectactularly season 9 was set up, this season is a disappointment. It’s an ok season. It’s not bad, it’s not good, it’s just a bit all over the place.

I was going to give you the normal episode list to not skip, but looking through, most episodes this season should be watched for one reason or another. Either they’re Cas heavy, they do some interesting character building, or they feature one of the awesome side characters like Charlie or Jody.

This season is probably the height of the war in the writers’ room about destiel. Some writers want to no homo the whole thing and back way off, while other writers want to lean into it hard. So in the same season where SPOILER Cas loses his virginity to a random reaper woman and Dean kicks Cas out of the bunker to fend for himself, you also have Cas’ fatal flaw used as propaganda against him by Metatron being that he’s "in love” with humanity Dean. /SPOILER Whatever you do DON’T SKIP THE FINAL FEW EPISODES. TRUST ME.

Season 10 - Haha oh dear. This season is likely the biggest for wasted potential. You saw the end of season 9, right? You go “HOLY SHIT YES LET’S DO THIS” and then they do... season 10. They really became experts at setting up an awesome season only to fuck it up in delivery, right? Again, not a bad season, per se.

Episodes To AVOID:

9x05 - In which Dean wants to fuck a dog. I am not joking. I wish I were. Basically a spell-gone-wrong makes Dean doglike. it’s weird. it’s batshit. Not the good kind.

Season 11 - Season 11 is a pretty good season! They tried to give Dean a female love interest but Jackles said  ✨No✨ and played Dean as brainwashed and uncomfortable the whole time and I love him for it. Of special note this season is the episode Baby (11x04), which is my favourite episode in the series! It’s funny, it’s heartwarming, it’s weirdly shot. I love it! We also get casifer this season which is awesome! Some episodes are skippable, but they’re generally good episodes.

Episodes NOT to Skip (ignore the 10 year special):

10x01 & 10x02 - Great episodes, Dean in this is *chefs kiss*.

10x04 - *sighs* Fan Fiction. A 200th episode that is simultaneously a love letter to fans and laughing in fans’ faces. I’ve never liked this episode for the second-hand embarressment of it all, but you should watch it and see if you like it.

10x06 - Pretty good episode.

10x07 - Jody AND Donna! Fantastic episode!

10x08 - Dadstiel rears his ugly head. I fucking love how Cas adopts two (2) kids over the course of the series and in both cases Dean eventually goes “ah fuck, I guess I gotta co-parent this thing”. Also we get some KILLER destiel this episode. hey go on a DATE and Cas tells Dean he’s a good person ^_^

10x09 - Good episode. Much destiel.

10x10 - Charlie episode!

10x11 - Teen!Dean! Need I say more?

OK so I just had a look, and you really just need to watch every episode from this point in the season on. Enjoy!

Season 12 - Another example of a TERRRIBLE season, is season 12. Season 12 is also one of the most destiel-heavy seasons in the show. You see the issue? Like, it’s got a stupid plot that makes no sense and has no fucking cohesion, but you also FINALLY have the writers going “fuck it” and all in on the destiel. After this point Dean never has another non-Cas love interest and vice versa, they stop giving us whiplash from baiting and no-homoing. IF the conspiracy theory is true, and the end of the show is shit because of executive meddling, this season is the one where the writers decided they were gonna push for destiel endgame.

I gotta tell you the truth, I skipped this season in my rewatch, so all of my memories are from years ago when it first came out. This seson was the last that I watched live (for a reason). Should you skip it? No. But I’m not well informed enough about this season that I can point out what episodes you should or should not watch.

Season 13 - Congratulations! You’ve reached the point where the show’s gotten consistently good again! (just in time for most of the audience to have already left lol). We start off with SPOILERS Dean mourning Cas like he’s lost the will to fucking live. I’m talking complete despondence, praying for Cas to come back, lashing out in anger at everything, one of the darkest points we’ve ever seen him at on the show, then pulling a 180 and being super happy the second Cas comes back. /SPOILERS They also introduce Jack, who is the SECOND child Cas decides to adopt and Dean ends up co-parenting (Sam too). In fact, Jack is explicity Sam, Cas, and Dean’s kid.

Season 14 - Another good one. My only issue is where they decided to take the plot at the end of the season. I’d recommend watching it all, regardless.

Season 15 - And so we’ve come to the end of the line. This season was... well it was actually pretty good. It started off with what we hellers lovingly refer to as the “divorce arc” where Cas and Dean have a big blow up, and Cas leaves, but that ends with Dean praying on his knees for forgiveness and a nice hug. Honestly this season you can cut the tension between the two of them like a knife, and you can tell Misha and Jensen were doing it deliberately.

I’d say watch up until 15x18, then you decide what to do with the last two episodes. If you want you can watch them to understand just why people put their conspiracy theory hats on, or you can send me another ask and I’ll rec you some post 15x18 finale fics! There’s one fic that’s a replacement for 15x20 written in script format that is particularly good.

Anyway that’s it. It’s kind of left me a little sad, to break down the show in this way. Especially coming up to season 15 nd remembering all the wasted potential. Honestly if you do decide to watch the show, good luck. I hope you enjoy it. I’m also glad you never had to be put through the bullshit false hope that came about after 15x18.

[spnwatch]

Season 1: The Rankings

WOW it’s been ages since I’ve posted here. But before moving on to s2, I wanted to talk about my TOP TEN FAVE EPISODES. 

Something that surprised me about spn now i’ve finally watched some of it is how variable the episodes are in terms of quality. They’re not afraid to experiment either, and that flexibility is probably one reason this show lasted so long. Some things worked for me, some things didn’t. ANYWAY these are my opinions etc. just from a first time watcher!!  1.) Episode 6: SKIN. This episode, man. Where to even begin: I could be here all night. Suffice to say that the sequence where the shapeshifter sheds his Dean skin to “Hey Man Nice Shot” is just. Chef’s kiss. For the first time, the true depth of Dean’s self loathing truly came to the fore. How socially outcast he knows himself to be, all that hidden shame, that resentment he harbours towards Sam for having (potentially) a way out of the hunter life, coupled with his desperation not to lose him to the “normal world”: somewhere that Dean knows he can’t follow him. After so much posturing and bravado, that inner parodox was SO interesting to witness - he SHOOTS HIMSELF at the end -- and, for me, really steered the character into more *~ thematically complex territory ~* All the songs were good tbh. In-a-Gadda-da-Vida? Yes. 11/10 

2.) Episode 11: SCARECROW. There was just so much going on in this episode, but the thing I liked most was the setting. It looked so good!! Autumnal and pastoral. After a couple of (in my opinion) not very good-looking episodes, it was a real breath of fresh air. I also loved Sam in this episode: he looked so small standing by the side of that road. I fully understood the argument, but I also loved how dean just... called him intermittently to update him on the case?This episode really drove home to me how alone they are, how they really have no-one but each other. It also really highlighted how far Sam has drifted from episode 1: he’s on the fringes now, too. All too quickly backsliding into the role of rootless grifter, an identiy he’d tried so hard to claw his way out of. Also, there’s a tome. 10/10 

3.) Episode 12: FAITH. This. Episode. Slaps. To be honest, this is probably technically the masterpiece of the season in terms of plot, visuals, antagonist, music etc. but w/e it’s my list. Right off the bat Dean is dying and he’s like it’s fine Sammy, I’m not even mad about it, which is fucked up but then what is more fucked up is that his dad doesn’t even come when Sam leaves him a message? Dean seems to view dying as like. A thing grownups just have to do sometimes. Like jury duty. It’s extremely,extremely sad. Anyway I love the drama of Sam smashing apart the altar, I love the big tent, I love the “don’t fear the reaper” montage. It’s all, quite simply, a *~cut above~* 10/10 

4.) Episode 7: HOOK MAN. I don’t know if I was meant to love this episode so much?? I just really, really liked it. I loved the central mystery, and I thought Sam in particular really shone when it came to dealing with the townsfolk and the afflicted girl. It was one of the most thematically coherent episodes when it came to tying the monster to sublimated fear, in this instance, sex and sexuality! Damn do Americans have a weird relationship with sex. And not just with women; this episode really shone a spotlight on Sam’s sexuality wrt his guilt over Jess, his desire for normality, his coltish nervousness in Lori’s presence. There was SO. MUCH. Bonus points for ugly mid-2000s fashions. 10/10

5.) Episode 3: DEAD IN THE WATER. This was the first episode which really made me sit up and go, oh, okay. I can see why people lose their minds over this show. When it’s good, Supernatural just. Shoots a volt of pure catharsis straight into your chest. This was also the first time I really sat up and took note of Jensen Ackles’ acting chops. There’s just so much going on with him every time he’s onscreen, and each little paradoxical turn he gives to Dean’s character is a joy to witness. It was a visually beautiful episode, with a strong supporting cast. The moment I saw her in her silky lavender nightgown, twisting up her unrealistically perfect chingoin, I wished to marry Amy Acker’s character. I know she doesn’t come back to spn but she should’ve!! She should’ve!! 10/10 

6.) Episode 5: BLOODY MARY. I’ve heard tell of this episode being a bit of a fandom classic, and I support it. The last few minutes at the end? When Sam sees Jess at the side of the road in that slow panning shot, to the Rolling Stones song Laugh I Nearly Died? It was just... I think it changed me as a person, honestly. This show. It’s lower down on the list for me because how how freaking dark the lighting was at the end, but that might have just been the poor quality stream I found. But yeah, I really liked the plucky teen girl who helped them; I was pleasantly surprised to see a glamourous queen bee-type portrayed as smart and competent, and remain alive by the end. Gold star for you, spn. I know it’s all downhill from here. 9/10 

7.) Episode 15. THE BENDERS. First off, I have to give it points for the production design on that house. My brother was of the opinon it would’ve made a good video game enviroment (according to him a lot of spn is akin to a video game which... yeah). This episode also made me really acutely feel for Dean. Could it be because I’m an older sister and this was a literal nightmare scenario? Perhaps. But again what really came to the fore was the single-mindedness with which Dean acted. Sam being dead was literally not an option for him. On a lesser show that might have been left as a given, but the time was really taken to give an almost sinister intensity to Dean’s thoughts and behavior. Some really pretty car shots too. 9/10

8.) Episode 17: HELL HOUSE. What can I say about this? It’s just fun. I love the two conspiracy guys, I love the sibling prank war, I love the concept of a monster created by shared belief. The set design was cool, as was the montage at the beginning where they’re interviewing all the witnesses. It’s a briskly paced and lighthearted episode, which was a breath of fresh air and welcome break after last episode left the Winchester boys abandoned by their father. Yet. Again. Ugh. Throw the whole dad away. 9/10 

9.) Episode 19: PROVENANCE. Haunted painting! Haunted! Painting!! This is a simple lil episode but it receives points for Sam and Dean’s best and least convincing disguises thus far -- art dealers -- and a fun, sweet love interest for Sam. He’s so bashful! I thought she was smartly written and I especially liked that she took a more active role and actually helped them solve the case than other side characters we’ve seen so far. I also liked when they were standing over the grave and she was like wow, your lives are really fucked up... it’s true wtf these poor guys?? Anyway 8/10 

10.) Episode 14: NIGHTMARE. This spot was a real toss-up between this and SOMETHING WICKED, but NIGHTMARE just edged it out because of the strong supporting character Max, as well as the sheer conceptual power of psychic Sam. Something about the way Dean treats his brothers latent psychic powers as... kind of a concern, but ultimately about on a par with him developing, like, a shellfish allergy, is hilarious to me. They have so many problems, it’s just low priority! Sorry Sammy. But what really clinched this episode for me was the three second-ish sequence where Sam shoves the dresser free with his mind, Dean gets shot in his vision, and Sam bursts into the room. Brilliance. Someone call the x-men. My heart was in my mouth. BIG minus points however for the extensive heart-to-hearts. It was just too much for me. It went on for so long. 7/10 

This certainly is a show. I see that now. Anyway. Onto season 2!

[kickingitwithkirk]

Greetings From Austin: Part II

Pairing: Alpha!Jensen Ackles x Alpha!Jared Padalecki x Omega!OFC

Summary: Jensen and Jared are at odds over a monumental decision that changes their lives in a way they couldn’t have envisioned.  

Word Count: 3985

Warnings: a/b/o, bisexuality, angst, cursing, self doubt, depression/anxiety, married life/disagreements, medical stuff, sexual dysfunction, infertility, surrogacy

*Jensen acting out of character

*additional warnings to be added in future parts.

A/N: series Inspired by this art.

A/N II: For this part I did some research & delved into a bit of reproductive/genetic testing-please don’t dink me on details, I altered it a bit to fit A/B/O verse.

A/N III:  There is no intentional hate or malevolence intended towards any of the Ackles or Padalecki families. This is a purely fictional piece containing real and created persons/names/events set in the fictional  A/B/O verse. Some dates/events altered to fit story.

Part I

*no beta-all mistakes are mine

*photos found online

One hour later

Jensen sets two sealed cups in the small niche shutting its door and grabs his jacket sliding it on, his inner Alpha purring with satisfaction watching his husband's fumbling fingers working at a button on his shirt, “Need any help babe?”

Jared’s all dilated pupils and glowing cheeks above his thick beard, “I’m good, I'll be out in a few.” Jensen leans in for one more soft, lingering kiss before leaving. Locking the door behind him Jared leans against it, closing his eyes, savoring the last vestiges of his oxytocin high.

He can’t stop recalling that mischievous glint in those luminous green eyes as Jensen slowly licked his plush lips before diving in to kiss him stupid, his long, sinful tongue doing things that’s probably illegal in twenty states, hands with ooh, so thick, talented fingers capable all sorts of magical things.

Shaking himself out of the memory he crossed over to the sink and caught his debauched reflection in the mirror. Shit, he can’t out looking like this.

Turning on the tap cups his hand to catch some of the running water splashing his face to cool off when his phone starts vibrating in his back pocket. Drying his hands and face he pulls it out checking the text. Glancing up he runs a hand over his thick beard, smoothing it down before leaving the room.

Completely preoccupied typing a reply he rounds the corner heading for the doctor's office slamming into a woman knocking her off her feet, the contents of the bag she’s carrying scatter loudly across the floor.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry!”

From her seated position she looks up...and up, his long, long legs clad in low riding jeans barely held up by a loosely buckled leather belt, his shirts rucked-up, a bit of his treasure trail and toned abs flanked by the sharp V of his hip peeking out.

“FuckI’mfuckingsorryFuckdidn’tfuckingsee....”

Jared, embarrassed, keeps apologizing, laced with fuck every other word, squats down gathering scattered items, dropping them back into the bag continuously babbling until she bursts out laughing. “And here I be thinking I said fuck to much,” a subtle lilt in her voice making it sound like she’s saying fook instead.

They move around each other picking up the last of her stuff. Jared reaches for a scarf when the central air catches a few loose strands of her hair, lightly dancing them across his cheek.

He inhales sharply as her piquant scent travels through his system eliciting a rumbling purr deep in his chest, “Fuck..” She breathes out gazing directly into his kaleidoscope eyes, watching mesmerized as they bleed into red with arousal as her eyes flash gold in response.

“I..I..fuck..I’ve gotta go!” She sputters, scrambling to her feet, grabs the bag hurrying away, leaving him holding the scarf.

Lifting the forgotten fabric to his face Jared deeply inhaled her scent, reaching down presses against his cock chubbing up the second time that day. He morosely stares in the direction she fled in once more, a low whine of loss escapes before he tucks the scarf into his back pocket and resumes heading towards the doctor’s office.

Dr. Rodgers, standing just inside in a doorway observing unnoticed, makes a mental note.

***

Jensen watches amused as Jared sits down with a slight wince, a not unpleasant reminder of their recent interlude, teases, “Did I make that much of a mess out of you Jay?”

Jared shrugs with a nonchalant “eh.” Jensen lowers his chin leaning close growling his displeasure at the flippant response, Jared internally shivers knowing he’s gonna pay for it when they get home, much to his delight.

Jensen abruptly stops growling, “You stink like Omega!”

Dr. Rodgers comes in carrying a binder saving Jared from responding, “We’ll get your test results in about two weeks unless we see something that needs further investigation.” He sets down the binder in front of them, opening it to the first page revealing a dossier and picture.

“Now, the next bit is selecting an egg donor. I’m sure you're wondering how we select the donors. I rely on a protein compatibility test, similar to the markers blood test used when matching Alphas and Omegas, narrowing down prospective candidates.

All of our donors are Betas and Omegas. Several of the Betas are willing to be the surrogate too. If you choose to go with an Omega donor we will have the extra step of selecting a Beta surrogate but that’s something to discuss later if needed.

We also take into account your personal preferences when it comes to physical traits, personality, etc. I’ll introduce you to the top three that are the best matches. If for some reason none of them work out, we’ll try the next most compatible candidates.”

Dr. Rodgers clicks his pen, “Let’s get started shall we.”

***

Flipping off the light switch Jensen walks out of the bath to find Jared already asleep. Crossing over to their bed he stopped at his side admiring him.

How had he gotten so lucky to have Jared as his? Over fifteen years since that life changing meeting he was more in love with his mate than ever, the ups and downs in their relationship that could have torn them apart made their marriage stronger.

Jensen took hold of the book Jared had been reading, gently pulling it out of his hand, slid in a bookmark and placed it on the nightstand turning off the lamp.

Easing into his side of the bed he leaned over pressing a soft kiss to Jared’s bare shoulder, who only wore bottoms since he always ran warm. Shifting, Jared buries his face into Jensen's neck, draping a long arm across his chest snuggling close, “Thank you.”

“For what babe?”

“Helping me today,” he could feel Jared’s breath warm against his skin, “I know you're against having more but please don’t decide not to, I want to have pups with you.”

Jensen mentality sighed, he’d be forty-three before they were born and didn’t want to be the old dad. Jared had argued that he'd never be, they knew lots of people were having their families later, look at Reedus, fifty when his daughter came and JDM, he was almost fifty-two when George was born.

“I’ll make you a deal, I’ll say yes if we find one donor we both agree on,” he felt Jared’s emotions shifting more positive, “but if you like one and me another, I’m not doing it.”

Jared pressed several soft kisses to the side of his neck, “Okay Jen,” he agrees, shifting to lay his head on his shoulder, “we’ll find the one, I can feel it.” he sleepily finishes.

Jensen rests his cheek against the top of Jared's head, not fallen asleep for ages. How was he going to handle Jared’s inevitable disappointment, knowing it will happen since they have always had vastly different tastes in females.

***

Five days later

7:00 A.M.

Jared was up to mile three of his daily workout on the treadmill in his office. He usually ran outside this early in the morning but a surprise thunderstorm altered his plans for the day when his phone rang. He dialed the machine down to walking speed to answer.

“Hello, Mr. Page, this is Sissy from Dr. Rodgers office, I’m sorry to be calling so early. He would like for you to come back in for a follow up about your semen testing.” Jared’s throat tightened, closing off his ability to respond.

He stepped off the machine and sat down on the large leather couch, “Sorry I..what time can I come in?”

“We have an opening at 8:45, will that work?”

“Yes ma’am, I can be there then.”

“Great, we’ll see you in a bit Mr. Page.”

Jared sat back not caring he was getting sweat all over the leather and started his breathing exercise to calm himself, telling his brain to knock it off, surely it wasn’t anything major with how calm Sissy was on the phone.

Ten minutes later he was still anxious but able to handle it. He glanced at his watch and knew he had to get his butt in gear to make the appointment.

Walking into the bedroom he found Jensen softly snoring so he moved as quietly as he could grabbing some clean clothes and headed for the shower. He left a note by the coffee pot saying he had an errand and be back ASAP.

He pulled into the clinics parking lot with five minutes to spare. Tucking his hair into his ever present beanie, Jared slipped on his mask and dashed through the downpour into the clinic.

After being temperature checked, Sissy walked him to the doctor's office. Knocking on the door she opened it and Jared saw the doctor on the phone gesturing for him to come in as he finished his call.

“Hello Mr. Page, thank you for coming in. I wanted to go over a discrepancy the lab found with your test, I'll try not to use too much doctor jargon.” He layed three pages on the table in front of him, a color printout of a sperm DNA strand broke down into segments and the others Jared recognized as chromosome mapping. “These are part of the Alphas sperm DNA sequencing. Normally, this one has a wide band in this segment,” he pointed to a circled area on the right page demonstrating a normal sequence. “This is your sperm's DNA. What I wanted to show you is a variant in the same section,” he circled a column on the left page, “which contains a narrow band instead,” he highlighted one piece of the chain.

“What does it mean?” Jared asked nervously.

“I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t know, I’ve never encountered this variant before. I looked at your previous testing from 2016 and it was also present on that test, not sure why it was overlooked. I’ve consulted with a few colleagues of mine to get their take,” he paused resting his arms on the desk watching Jared’s expression, “Mr. Page, I didn’t ask you to come in to upset you, I prefer to keep my clients in the loop if anything unusual does present with their testing. It’s possibly something that's genetically unique to you and affects nothing. I’d like to run a Tunel test, it’s a sperm chromatin structure analysis, it’ll give us more information to work with.”

Jared fidgeted, desperately wanting to chew on his fingers, “Umm…okay.”

“Good, it's not invasive at all, we just need some more sperm.” Dr. Rodgers says.

~~~

Jensen was stumbling around the kitchen working on his first cup of coffee when Jared walked in carrying a box from his favorite bakery.

“Those aren’t what I think they are?” Jensen asks as Jared sits the box down on the counter. He opens the lid inhaling the scent of decadent cinnamon roll goodness before pulling out one and taking a huge bite moaning pornographically, “Babe, whatever I did to warrant these remind me to do it again,” he says with his mouthful.

Jared chuckles as his mate continues making obscene noises before bending down taken a bit from the other side earning warning snarl.

“You are so not a morning person.” Jared chided sliding the box over to retrieve his own taking it setting down at the island bar pulling a chunk off.

“You wanna share what’s rattling around in that big head of yours?” Jensen inquires. Jared chews slowly before answering. “I got a call from the clinic, something showed up in my test.”

Jensen snapped fully alert, his roll forgotten, and sat down next to him, “Jared, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”

Jared fiddled with his roll, pulling it apart, “No, not that I’m aware of but they found something off and don’t know what it is. Dr. Rodgers said it’s probably nothing but wanted to run another test to see if he can figure out what it is what if something is wrong and turns out I was the reason Genevieve couldn’t get pregnant I don’t know if I can handle it the possibility of not being able to have pups I’ve wanted them for so long I can’t imagine our lives...”

“Jared,” Jensen sharpness interrupts Jared’s incessant rambling, making him go quiet, “I know you want to go to the worst possible outcome but let’s wait till all the tests are back. If it’s something, we’ll deal, we always do.”

***

August 3rd

“Jen, move your ass, were gonna be late!” Jared bellows from downstairs.

“I’m coming...dammit!” Jensen cursed as he tripped over the boxes left sitting by the bottom step. “You need to get the rest of this shit out of the way, about killed myself again!”

“I’ll stay up tonight moving the rest of this fucking shit if you’ll get a fucking move on!”

The sniping at each other had gotten worse since the house renovations were barely completed before heading back to Vancouver.

Jensen moved his music studio into the newly created space in the basement from the former guest quarters, now relocated to the spacious pool house. The empty upstairs rooms were converted into the eventual nursery/kids rooms with a Jack and Jill bathroom between them.

“You better start watching your goddamn language cause the last thing we need is for our kids to have a trash mouth like…don’t roll your eyes at me!” Jared threw his arms up in disgust before storming out to the garage getting in Jensen’s truck. They drove to the clinic in silence.

They were flying out tomorrow to quarantine for two weeks before resuming shooting on the eighteenth. Then the clinic called their tests were back and Jared didn’t want to wait till they got back for the results.

After their temperature check they were immediately escorted to the doctor’s office finding him already there. “Mr. Bonham, Mr. Page, pleasure to see you, please have a seat.” They sit next to each other not touching. “Is there something wrong gentleman?”

“Why do you ask?” Jensen barks, “Fuck man, don’t be rude!” Jared bit back earning a glare that makes most sane people back away from Jensen.

“Gentleman, no need to fight. It may surprise you but I actually see a lot of hostility between my clients. I’m sure the added stress of the quarantine while trying to start a family is putting your Alpha instincts more on edge, is it not?”

Jensen sighed, “I’m sorry sir, I was raised better.”

Jared gave an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry too sir, and you're right.”

“I’ve been doing this for a long time and understand the situation from your side, my wife and I had trouble conceiving. We ended up having two sets of twins within three years, now that’s stress.”

Jensen blinked, “And I thought mine were a handful.”

Dr. Rodgers laughed, “They are a blessing but honestly, it’s an absolute madhouse at times. So, let’s get back to you two. Mr. Bonham, everything looks good, you are in the top percentile when it comes to mobility and live sperm count for your age group. One of the advantages of being an Alpha, unlike us poor Betas who’s diminish with age.”

“Mr. Page, I also have your results and the Tunel tests which turned out to be something.. unique.”

Jared eyes widened as he paled, his breath hitching, feeling his stomachs spastic tightening making him about vomit. He knew it, he knew something was going to go wrong, his brain didn’t lie to him this time.

Jensen was out of his chair and utilizing his Alpha strength turned Jared’s towards him before kneeling between his legs reaching up to firmly grip the sides of his head forcing him to focus on him opens up his side of their bond he’d shut the other day when they were arguing to gauge how bad this one was.

“Hey Hey, concentrate on me, I need you to breathe with me,” he held Jared’s gaze for several minutes as their breathing cinqued up, feeling him relaxing.

“There you go big guy. It wasn’t that bad, focus on your breathing okay.” Jared nodded embarrassed as Dr. Rodgers sat a bottle of water in front of him, “Do you need me to get you anything else?”

“No, he’s fine, thank you,” Jensen answers, getting up retaking his chair as Jared took a long drink from the bottle, “he’s usually more aware of these attacks but since the damn lock-downs.” Jensen shook his head in disgust, “We're heading back to Vancouver tomorrow to finish our sh..job before his new one starts late October. I guess it’s really hitting us both that it's finally ending.”

“Mr. Ackles, you can say show,” Jared and Jensen stare at him in surprise, “my daughters are fans, I know more about the Winchester brothers than a man my age should.” Dr. Rodgers ruminates, “Mr. Page, are you ready for me to continue?” Jared nodded as Jensen wrapped both of his hands around his free one.

“After I received the results I spoke with a specialist in Alpha genetics. They looked at all your tests and came back with a conclusion I’ve never heard of before.” The doctor laid a printout on the desk, “This is a visual aid to help me in explaining.”

“Chemoattactants are what a female's egg releases to attract the sperm to it. You know how it works from there; sperm meets egg, sperm penetrates egg and viola, fertilization. Alphas sperm has evolved allowing them to inseminate all three sub-genders, whereas male Omegas sperm is sterile since they possess both sets of reproductive organs but only need to utilize one.”

The doctor sets all three of Jared’s tests and the normal example on his desk for them to see, “This chromatin structure you carry Mr. Page,” he points to the highlighted section, “has altered so that the eggs of Alphas and Betas are chemorepellent to your sperm, rejecting fertilization.”

Jared sat still-shocked, blankly staring at the results lying before him, vaguely feeling Jensen reaching across their bond again. “Does this mean he’s...infertile?” He can hear Jensen hesitant inquiry, like he's standing across a vast chasm.

“In conventional terms, yes. This is the reason you were unable to conceive with your previous spouse, being a Beta, and there is still no medical intervention available that would have helped. What’s unique is his sp...”

Jared was numb. His dreams of a little Padackles tearing around their home had literally been salt and burned before his eyes with those test results.

In the recesses of his attention he’s aware of the continuing conversation around him, the longer it goes on, the more his brain is tuning out.

~~~

The first thing he becomes aware of are fingertips caressing his face, softly wiping away wetness damping his cheeks. Slowly blinking the blurry shape in front of him comes into focus.

Jensen is sitting in front of him. More accurately, he’s sitting cross legged in between his own splayed legs on the floor. Jared frowns as his senses are coming back online.

He was sitting on the chair that’s now off to his right so how did he end up with his back against the desk?

“You passed out,” Jensen answers his unspoken question, “and scared the ever-living shit out of me! I thought you were having an aneurysm the way your eyes rolled back into your big head!”

“I..I..don’t know what happened, I was looking at the results, you were asking questions..then nothing.”

“Stress Jared, you are completely stressed out and it's fucking with your illness!” He opens his mouth, “No, I’m not done so be quiet.” Jensen’s voice dropped with his Alpha tone overlaying it,

“Between that final script having you nuts all year, this quarantine fucking up your meds, dealing with your businesses shutdowns, getting Walker started, you had to add pushing for pups, it’s no wonder you couldn’t handle the doctor explanation of...”

“Explanation of what?” Jared lashes back in own Alpha voice, leaning forward into Jensen’s space, his eyes flashing red, “That I’m infertile, sterile, shooting blanks..”

“Shut that fucking mouth for two minutes or I swear I’ll deck you.” Jensen’s normally warm green eyes bleed into a fierce red, becoming hard.

Jared’s mouth snapped shut in surprise. They had gotten into plenty of arguments over the years, gotten in each other’s faces a few times but this was a first. Jensen had never, ever threatened physical harm.

Well, somewhat that time Misha set him off during a panel and he went for him afterwards. Misha stupidly goaded him again before Jensen gave him a shove, ordering him to cool off before he had to do something.

Jensen’s jaw ticked as he mentally counted to ten, “Dr. Rodgers said that you couldn’t impregnate another Alpha or Beta right?”

“Right.”

“The part you zoned out is that your sperm wants to only fertilize an Omega’s eggs.”

Sighing heavily, Jensen crawls over a leg to sit against the desk next to him. Jared pulls his legs up and wraps his arms around them, resting his chin on his knees processing this information as Jensen reaches over and gently rubs his hand in random patterns over his back.

They had mutually agreed on a Beta donor. Now this threw a wrench in the plans.

“Maybe this is a sign we’re rushing into this again. Let’s take a step back and consider all our options.” Jared’s muscles stiffened under his hand.

“I’m not considering anything else and I’m not stopping.”

“Wait...what?”

Jared lifted his head, “I’m not considering anything else and I’m not stopping. I realize this isn’t what you want so don’t worry, I’m not gonna hold you to our agreement.”

Jensen exhaled sharply knowing when Jared spoke in that tone, that was it, end of discussion, mind made up.

Jared gets up, “I’m going to find Dr. Rodgers and see if he's still willing to help me. If you want to leave, go. I’ll get an Uber when I’m done.” He walks out quietly shutting the door behind him.

“Fuck!” Jensen closed his eyes thumping his head back against the desk. He knew he had screwed up and there was only one way to make it right.

***

Jensen asked Jared to let him stay, he was wrong for saying that and he'd be open to one of the Omegas as a possible donor too. Jared wasn’t completely appeased but he was happy Jensen didn’t take the out given him.

The three candidates were smart, attractive, lovely scented Omegas in their twenties that any Alpha looking for a prospective mate would seriously consider, leaving Jensen wanting something else.

“I like aspects of all three Jay, but honestly, I'm not feeling it with any of them.”

“Maybe you’ve reached the stage you’re looking for more substance, less aesthetic.”

“Did you just call me old?” Jensen gaped at his husband.

Before Jared responds, Dr. Rodgers enters, “I see from your expression Mr. Bonham that you haven’t decided on a candidate.”

“It’s not that I didn’t like any of them, there isn’t a..”

“Connection. It’s normal, just because your Alpha doesn’t mean you..desire every Omega you cross paths with. With some it takes time to find the right one.” He looks at his watch.

“We’re at the end of our appointment but I have one more donor I’d like you to meet today. She’s doesn’t exactly fit your personal physical preferences but this omega is...special..and she’s willing to be the surrogate too.”

The doctor opens the door gestures to someone. They stand up to greet her and as she enters they are enveloped by her piquant scent.

“Mr. Page and Mr. Bonham, this is Quinn.”

***

tbc

Part III

GFA: @babypink224221 @waywardjoy @let-me-luve-you @all-4-wincest

SPN: @donnatix @lyarr24

Sam/Jared @idreamofplaid

Dean/Jensen: @flamencodiva

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

Sunday Six

(4 for me) (also im including two wips for this week!)

as requested, heres a wip piece from my kid fic au !! (in which jensen has a kid, stella, from a past relationship)

~~~

Suddenly, she whipped around from where she was playing on the coffee table, abandoning the toy car, dinosaur, and fairy. 

“Bryce?” He quickly redirected his attention her way, giving her a smile and curious look in return. “Can you read?” she asked, and he had to stop himself from laughing despite Jensen’s chuckle from the kitchen.

“I can, yes,” he replied. She seemed happy with that, bolting from the living room to the hallway as fast as she could. He gave Jensen a glance, getting a shrug in return as he set a few dishes on the rack.

When she made her way back, still running just as fast but this time with a large book in her hands, she jumped up onto the couch right next to him. “Can you read me this book, please?”

She handed it to him, an array of rainbow pastels with a castle and plenty of other fantasy creatures on the front. He flipped through it, font large and filled with more pictures than words. It had been a number of years since he had any interaction with a children’s book, the last time probably when he read to Keiki before bed in a similar manner.

“Of course,” replied, and opened it up the first page as she settled against his side.

~~~

wip number two is from Losing Blood, an au fic i talked about forever ago. jensen comes in at the beginning of (what would be) book 2 from mass kenmore, and jackie took the place of mc with all the mrs martinez stuff beforehand. after the drama, the diagnostics spot competition was canceled, which jackie wouldve won, and instead jensen gets it. a rivalry between them follows yadda yadda and bryce and jensen start dating despite that the friend group severely dislikes him

~~~

“You know, Bryce, I was thinking about the other morning,” she said, feigning an innocent curiosity as he took another spoonful of cereal from his bowl. “Jackie said it was surprising that you packed for the morning, but I don’t remember you having a second bag when you left.”

Shit. It took him all of two seconds to recover, answering, “I keep one in my car.” He hoped it was quick enough, Sienna giving him an understanding nod.

The silence was reassuring only for a moment before she started again with, “I didn’t think you were a Green Day fan.” The shirt. It had been a band-tee, one he didn’t care to inspect before now. Before he could think up something, she continued. “I actually remember you saying you had a particular distaste for pop punk.”

Her typical sweet smile was still on her face, a little scary this time. “I don’t,” he answered. “Like it, that is. I don’t like it. That’s why I keep it in my car. Cause I don’t wear it much.”

She gave him a jokingly skeptical glance with her lips still turned in a grin. “Mhm. Well, I just thought it was interesting because, and this is just such a funny coincidence…” The sarcasm was practically tangible off her tone, “...I remember a couple weeks ago at the bar, Dr. Valentine was wearing the same shirt.”

Well, fuck. He pretty much knew it was over when the conversation started, but that didn’t make it any better. Stilled with his hand on the spoon, he let out a barely-audible sigh. “You can’t tell Jackie.”

~~~

@choicesficwriterscreations

[my-sherlock221b]

Supernatural Rewatch Ramblings: Wendigo

Wendigo

The long line of the MoTW series in Supernatural starts off with the Woman in White which is fairly well- known legend/ myth in most countries.  Then we get this one next which claims origin from the Native American mythology.

Here is a review of the Wendigo episode with thoughts from me and @soulmates-for-real​

I have always wondered why they were not so inclusive or better at being inclusive as a show. Yes, they did have many women and people of colour in important and strong roles, both positive and negative (though they could have done so much better!). But they steered clear from some of the huge mythology lores like that from Native Americans, Hindu, Latin American cultures. This may have been a wise political strategy to avoid conflict and so they stuck to the Judeo- Christian core but still managed a rather radical take on it!

Spoiler alert:

*God was the final villain?! Who would have guessed? And that the angels were dicks, relentlessly, and demons were in fact ex-humans.*

So back to Wendigo.

What a monster the Wendigo is!! In later seasons when we got only angels and demons and some vampires etc the other monsters were monsters in and of themselves. Like they were born that way—needing to eat human pituitary glands or whatever.

But Woman in White and Wendigo, and even Dead in the Water, or the Shapeshifter --the monster was created by circumstances. Betrayal and infidelity leading to murder suicides, extreme starvation leading to cannibalism and eternal hunger.

Far more terrifying than someone who is born a ghoul perhaps.

So here we are in Wendigo, at the forest/camp site with these fake, charming, rather useless camp rangers who carry M&Ms (nice touch and throwback to E.T. !), don’t wear shorts ( which anyway seems like a weird thing to wear when there is grass and stuff—why would you want to expose your legs?!), can’t see bear traps ( Seriously Dean?! ).

Sam is still restless and bristling at Jess’s death, as well as angry at Dad. All those years of separation do not seem to have given him any peace in his relationship with his father. Now to add massive insult to his already injured sense of self—he has lost his girlfriend in exactly the same way as his father lost his wife—making them even more identical.

So he is cranky and unwilling to give in to any of Dean’s suggestions. He denies his own nightmares, refuses good advice and food and is generally misanthropic. While Dean on the other hand seems to be enjoying this like a happy jolly road trip. The monster is almost like a secondary priority now.

What is most important, (and this becomes even more obvious in a re-watch post finale)—what is THE most important thing is that Sammy is riding shotgun, is in front of his eyes and safe.

Miserable and bitchy but safe.

That allows Dean to dial back a bit and bring into focus what has always been, for him, the really important part of their lives—saving people. This is always more important to him that hunting things. So, when he finds out about someone’s brother being lost and the coordinates match what his dad has left, well there is no choice really.

They have to find a way to save him.

If they find Dad there, well, good, but that is suddenly not a priority for him at all. He turned up at Sam’s doorstep, and as we know from the finale, waited there for HOURS since he was unsure of his welcome, then broke in at 3 am or something like an idiot….but anyway…..all that was because Dad had been away on a hunting trip and hadn’t been home in a few days…blah blah blah.

The first contact Dean makes with Sam who left home to go to college is to recruit him to help find Dad—the same guy who told Sam that if he went away to stay away.

And then suddenly now that Sam is with him, finding Dad is like meh. If we find him somewhere by the wayside while you and I hunt monsters Sammy, then yeah sure, great.

If not…well….we have stuff to do you and I…saving people, hunting things. The family business. 

And John Winchester….well, what can I possibly say about him without taking up pages in ranting?! Why did he ditch the first monster? Why was he in SUCH a hurry to leave that he left his journal behind??

My theory of course is that he had to run away from the Woman in White since he had been unfaithful to Mary ( yes yes I know it had been YEARS at that point, but hello, this man made his life a crusade for revenge and sacrificed his kids’ lives also to that darkness, so…yes, being with Adam’s mother was an infidelity and you can’t change my mind on that !).

So naturally John was afraid he would be killed.

But still….he left coordinates for the next hunt in the journal and just ran off?!

The other question is what the hell is happening in motels across USA? Guys like these can just check- in on fake credit cards, leave a room full of satanic and serial killer-y documents, sometimes dead bodies, lots of salt at the door and windows, and just disappear without checking out….

Though the police do seem quite alert and swift in action in the Pilot compared to some of the laidback and clueless ones we see later.

What is most interesting is to see the character of season 1 Dean emerge.

He sass, he boss, he flirt, he lie, he charm, he fight, he save.

In fact, the very first time I saw Supernatural, it seemed that Dean occupied so much of the narrative space that I barely noticed Sam except as a foil to and a brother to Dean.

Now in the re-watch what is fascinating in retrospect is to watch Sam slide into ‘the life’ without a hiccup. He reads the journal, he figures out it’s a wendigo, he gets the civilians to cooperate, he also fights and saves.

And that look he gives Dean in the car?

Well, those who missed the signs in Pilot and didn’t ship Wincest from day one, surely started doing it then!

https://www.geekgirlauthority.com/supernatural-rewatch-s01e02-wendigo/

This is also the first episode that gives a clear parallel to the Sam and Dean relationship through the B plot. When Haley says she MUST go to find her brother –Dean nods in instant understanding while Sam is pissed off at having to ‘babysit.’

We see this in many more episodes in the future, and what is fascinating is to see Sam gain insights into his brother with every such parallel. To recognize what being the big brother has meant to Dean and how much he has done and given and even suffered for that. We will discuss this in more detail in the next episode review! ( Dead in the Water)

The chemistry and ease, almost a fluid sense of flow between the two actors is unmistakable in this episode. Even as Sam is really being a bitch and Dean is being a jerk, there is a definite undercurrent of something holding them together. It may be all about revenge for Jess’s death and finding Dad for Sam, but he will still stick with Dean and want to protect him as fiercely as Dean wants to protect Sam.

.

Sheila O’Malley has given a detailed explanation for the acting styles of Jared and Jensen and what she said about Jared is spot on and brilliant. He does what she calls active listening.

It is amazing how once you realize that you notice it all the time.

The reason why Dean can manage such perfect comedic timing or non- verbal communication is because Sam is always ALWAYS tuned into him. Listening, watching, reacting, observing.

Once again, for those of you interested in the meta and more erudite and informed reviews that this one 😊 do read what Sheila O’Malley has written.

Here are some excerpts which will entice you!

“David Nutter, who directed the pilot, also directed episode 2, and there’s a new DP here, the phenomenally talented Serge Ladouceur, who is still shooting the show. If the DP for the pilot, Aaron Schneider, helped establish the dark mood and horror-movie feel of the series, then Ladouceur just helped deepen and strengthen that continuum. The look of the show has changed, by Season 9. I would say that it has a more glamorous look now, more colorful, while certainly still very dramatic (even melodramatic). Supernatural is (and has been) one of the best looking shows on television.”

“The ranger comes in to talk to them, and they pose as environmental studies majors at the university in Boulder. Sam says they are “working on a paper”, clearly improvising, and you can watch the glorious schtick of Jensen Ackles as he adjusts to the new information of who he is supposed to be pretending to be. God is in the details, people, and it’s the detailed scene work of both Ackles and Padalecki that keeps this show going. David Nutter referred to Jensen Ackles once as a “meticulous actor” in terms of his preparation for every scene, no matter how small, and it pays off. He knows what the fuck he is doing. So does Padalecki. I couldn’t give two shits about the demons. It’s that DYNAMIC that is so entertaining and watch-able.”

 .

And here are some thoughts on the episode from @soulmates-for-real, my partner in crime for the rewatch 😊

Except the fact that Sam is quite secretive about his nightmares but his body language is quite open and his expressions easy to read. On the contrary, I saw Dean posturing a lot with other people, pouting, flirting, making eyes...trying to be all nonchalant. But when it comes to Sam we see a different Dean - the more antsy and angsty Sam gets, the more intensely Dean reacts to him and you can see Dean's concern shining through. Leading to Sam coming to some kind of resolution and giving Dean 'that look' at the end! 

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 9) - Inner Demons

Summary: The reader meets Gen for the first time while the boys are having a day together. But when they come home early and Jensen overhears the reader, a very big discussion about what they both expect out of their relationship has to happen...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Square: Skinny Dipping

Word Count: 5,100ish

Warnings: mature (language, skinny dipping, implied future smut, angst, self-doubt)

A/N: Please enjoy! Also written for @spnkinkbingo​

________

“No,” whined Zeppelin as Jensen carried him out of the bedroom for the third time that night. “Daddy, I want to sleep with you.”

“Zeppelin. You gotta be a big boy and go to sleep. It’s midnight and way, way past bedtime,” said Jensen. He started to cry loudly and Jensen set him down. “Do you want a time out? I’ll give you one first thing in the morning if you don’t behave.”

He ran over to you and grabbed your leg, burying his face in it. Jensen sighed, tired after a long day and you knew he needed some sleep. You squatted down and Zeppelin grabbed at you, shaking a bit. You frowned, Jensen catching it as you picked up the little boy. 

“He can stay,” you said. Jensen made a face but you carried him into the room, Jensen grumbling to himself. You let Zeppelin crawl into the middle and immediately grab his father when Jensen got under the covers. He was asleep quickly, Jensen kissing the top of his head. “He’s scared.”

“He had a tantrum. He’s four,” whispered Jensen. “He needs to sleep on his own or he gets dependent.”

“You’re his father. He’s already dependent,” you whispered. “He’s a little you.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means he missed his daddy and he has been the one telling his sisters for three weeks daddy’s coming home soon. I don’t care if he sleeps in our bed, Jensen. Sometimes he has to be a big boy but not tonight.”

“He was very...he’s very much me,” he said quietly, fixing the blankets over his son. “He’s in tune with other’s emotions.”

“I know,” you said. “He’s a sweet boy.”

“When I was a kid, around seven or so, my dad went out to LA for about two months for work. We didn’t have the money for him to fly back and forth so he drove out there. He would call every night but it was long distance and it was expensive back then so all I got to do was say hi to him really. Somewhere in the middle of the two months he drove back to visit for a weekend. I was so excited. So, so excited. I was gonna tell him all about school and my baseball games and the jumping contest my brother and I had on the swings. I was so pumped. He said he was gonna be there Saturday morning for breakfast. Well, I wake up, run downstairs, he’s not there. Lunch rolls around, he’s not there. Afternoon snack time rolls around…”

“He’s not there?” you asked, Jensen nodding. “What happened?”

“Never left LA. Got in a car accident. He was fine but this was the eighties and my mom didn’t get a phone call until the afternoon saying he wouldn’t be coming home. I thought a hundred million things in my head of why he wasn’t there. That achy pit in your stomach. When he finally came home a month later, I slept in their room, in their bed. That little achy feeling went away after that night. I know how much he’s like me,” he said, lightly running his fingers over Zeppelin’s head. “But I gave him that part of me too and I wish I hadn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s too little to worry about me.”

“He’s okay and he’s not gonna worry after tonight. But Jensen, there’s nothing wrong with him having that part of you. It’s a really good part, the part that loves the people he cares about. Right now he doesn’t understand it but someday he will and that’s going to make him a person people will be fortunate to have in their lives. That’s a great part of you he got.”

“Just have to go and make me feel better, don’t you,” he said softly. He closed his eyes and smiled. “Think I’m doing an okay job at this?”

“Yup,” you said. Zeppelin turned over in his sleep, smashing his face into your arm. 

“You care for them,” said Jensen. You nodded and he burrowed down into the sheets. “Because of me or your job?”

“It always helps the job,” you said. “When you nanny, you want the kids to feel comfortable with you and caring about them always makes that easier. But I don’t...I don’t like them because I decided I liked their dad, you know?”

“Why did you then?”

“People with money sometimes let their children get raised by that money and you can tell when it happens. But it’s so obvious that doesn’t happen with them. They have nice toys and clothes and things but they’re good and funny and smart and they could very easily be brats if you went the easy route but you didn’t and it just shows. Sure they’re kids and they can drive anyone to the brink of insanity at times, but they got big hearts, especially for dad. I just like them and seeing them grow into those people more every day.”

“Me too,” he said, Zeppelin rolling back, fisting his hands into Jensen’s shirt this time. He smiled and you leaned over, kissing him goodnight, pecking one on Zeppelin’s head. “Night.”

“Night Jensen.”

The next afternoon when you arrived at Jared’s house you weren’t sure what you were expecting. Jared and Jensen were off doing who knew what and you felt like you’d been set up on a playdate yourself. You’d dropped off the kids there more than once already and knew their kids but for some reason or other you’d yet to meet Gen. You swallowed as you followed the kids around the side of the house, the three of them taking off to go play with their friends on a swing set. You looked around and bit your bottom lip, fixing your bag over your shoulder.

“Y/N?” called a voice. You turned and saw a woman behind you, a bit sweaty in some workout clothes. “Hey. I’m Gen. Nice to finally meet you.”

“Thanks. You too,” you said. 

“Come on,” she said, waving you to follow her up some steps to a patio. “Tom! JJ!”

“We know!” they shouted back from the swings. She shook her head and sighed.

“Not that any of the little ones can get over to the pool anyways but I want to remind them to keep an eye on the younger ones when I’m inside,” she said, showing you to a patio door. You followed her inside, Gen walking into a kitchen and going straight to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of cold water. 

“They have hair like their dad,” you said.

“Yes, yes they do. Getting them to get a haircut is like herding cats,” she said. She gulped down her water and let out a deep breath. “Do you mind if I shower quick? Time got away from me.”

“Yeah, no problem,” you said. 

“There’s a bathroom right around the corner there. Feel free to take whatever from the kitchen if you want. I’ll be back in ten,” she said. 

“No problem,” you said. When she was upstairs you went back outside, leaving your bag in a patio chair. You went down the steps and watched the kids running around for a moment before exploring their backyard. “Here I thought your backyard was nice Ackles.”

“Y/N, will you play tag with us?” asked Arrow from over in the grass.

“How could I say no to a face like that?”

Fifteen minutes later you were warm and taking a break under the patio again out of the sun, the kids playing on the slide and swings now.

“Remember when we had endless energy like that?” asked Gen as the back door opened. 

“Barely,” you said, a margarita glass set down in front of you. “I see we’re going to be very good friends.”

“It’s so hot out today,” she said, setting a pitcher and another glass down on the table. She poured you a glass and then herself one before taking a seat beside you. “I bet the boys are out jet skiing.”

“They really are like a pair of children when you get them together,” you said.

“Yeah but it’s cute. Most people don’t ever get to have a best friend like that,” she said. “Sometimes they need their space from each other but Jared’s literally been counting down the days until Jensen gets back.”

“I don’t think Jensen will ever stay away that long again. He missed his family and friends. Home,” you said. 

“We’re glad to have him back. He’s been gone for a while. Even before you went to Canada,” she said.

“Were you good friends with...” you asked, Gen nodding. “I’m sorry.”

“It sucked. Still does,” she said. “When the boys were off, we could hang out. We got very close. After the accident I was the one taking care of the kids, helping his parents and family with their day to day. Jared focused more on Jensen, helping him physically get back to normal and then mentally. But you know how he was when you met him.”

“I know a lot of work went into helping him get there. I’m very grateful he had you guys,” you said.

“Listen...I’m hoping we can be good friends too. It was different for me and Dee. We both were dating the boys around the same time, got married around the same time. I know we don’t have that and...I just hope we can have that relationship still.”

“Me too. I know we’re probably gonna be seeing you guys a lot now that neither of them are working,” you said.

“Probably most everyday,” she said. “They’re like twins separated at birth or something I swear.”

“Has Jensen always been a bit quiet?” you asked.

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen that boy drunk off his ass and being a troublemaker but he’s always been that way. Maybe it’s why he and Jared fit. They’re protective of each other in different ways. Jared’s the loud one out of the two of them, always has been and Jensen, even if he is your best fucking friend, sometimes he’s a little bit quiet.”

“I figured as much. He’s just…”

“Gentle,” she said, a smile coming to your face. “You two are pretty serious, huh.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s been five months. I’d say it’s serious. You move in yet?”

“Technically I’ve always been moved in,” you said. She laughed and took a sip of her drink. “Yeah. We’ve gotten to the sharing a room stage very recently.”

“You must be very special then,” she said. “He was never gonna fall in love ever again. Told Jared and me himself. Now he’s as lovestruck as the first time around.”

“I’m not expecting…” you said, sipping on your drink. “Don’t tell him I said that.”

“Like I said, we can be friends without the boys,” she said. “What aren’t you expecting?”

“This,” you said with a shrug. “Marriage. Kids of my own. I don’t know where it goes with Jensen.”

“You should start having those talks with him,” she said, your head shaking. “You have to, just so you’re on the same page.”

“I don’t even know if we’re reading the same book,” you said. She nodded and you slumped back into your seat. “I know I love him and that he loves me. But I don’t know if that’s enough.”

“A friend once told me that’s all you need,” said Jensen behind you. You turned around and Jensen was standing there, a sad smile on his face. “We wanted to come hang out with you guys. Y/N?”

You got a smile from Gen as you followed Jensen inside, Jared slipping past and out back. You crossed your arms and looked down, Jensen stepping close to you, large hands resting on your arms.

“Why don’t you think it’s enough?” he asked quietly.

“It is. Gen and I were just shooting the shit,” you said, forcing your gaze up. He slid his hand down and took one of yours, pulling you over to a quiet sitting room. He sat down on a day bed, you going with him. 

“Honey. Tell me the truth.” He ran his thumb over the back of your hand as you crossed your legs. “Did I do something?”

“No. You’re perfect,” you said, glancing down to your lap. “All I was saying was...I don’t know where you stand on some things.”

“Like what?” he asked, still smiling softly, hiding all of the nerves underneath it.

“Kids. Marriage. The fact your family has never once met me or knows I exist. Am I just gonna be the nanny girlfriend or is there something more? I love you. I fucking love and I don’t need or want...I just want to know if you’re open to those things.”

“I don’t know,” he said. You nodded and moved your hand back into your lap, Jensen letting go of it. “Is that a deal breaker?”

“No,” you said with a shake of your head. “Like I said, we were shooting the shit.”

You were both quiet before you stood, Jensen grabbing your hand. He pulled you back to sit, plopping you straight down in his lap before kissing you.

“Okay I do know but the answers fucking scare me,” he said. “I said I was gonna stop being scared when it came to you.”

“Jensen, you don’t have to-”

“Yes, I would have more kids if it were with the right person. Preferably sooner than later but yes. Yes, I would marry again. Yes, I would introduce her to my family and yes they do know about her. Not as much as I’d like but they do know her. And lastly yes, I am open to more than just the nanny girlfriend, so much fucking more. All of it more. But that scares me that almost a year later here I am, open to all of those things, wanting those things with you when losing Dee hurt so much. It’s not fair to you that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, simple and normal and just the fun parts. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not asking you to stop loving her. God if you ever did, I don’t think you’d be the man I love. I just wanted to know if there’s room for a future in there maybe,” you said.

“You kinda got in there all on your own and I don’t want you to ever come out,” he said. 

“Ever?” you breathed out. “Cause that implies-”

“If someone’s gonna be that second person for me, I think…” he said, looking down. You rested your forehead against his, Jensen taking a deep breath. “I know you won’t wait for me forever to get my shit together.”

“Well, forever’s a long time. I can offer a few years at least?” you asked, Jensen laughing dryly. “What?”

“I don’t deserve a few years. Your emotions aren’t a toy to play with.”

“Yours aren’t something to drag along when they’re not ready.”

“See? You do that shit. You always do that fucking shit,” he said, his voice a few octaves higher. You wrapped him up in a hug, feeling a few drops of wetness hit your cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“For crying? Jesus Jens, it’s okay,” you said. “I promise it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I keep tossing you around like you don’t have feelings too, like this isn’t hard for you too. It’s always me and my fucking problems with just…”

“Just what honey,” you said, Jensen holding onto you tightly, chin resting on your shoulder. 

“I can’t,” he said.

“Why not?” you said, carding your fingers through his hair.

“I don’t want this to go away,” he mumbled out. “This is it and I feel like I’m gonna explode and-”

“Shush,” you said, wrapping your legs around his waist and squeezing his whole body as much as you could. He stilled briefly and calmed down some, sniffling to himself before you released to a gentler hold on him. “Just the anxiety talking.”

“I love you,” he said, lifting his head up, looking you straight on. “I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you and do everything with you. I’ve known those things for a very long time. Longer than you have and before you even thought of them as questions. I want all that and you’re gonna get stuck with me, with this, with the never ending baggage, with the baggage you haven’t even seen yet. All your life is gonna be is taking care of my ass and you getting hurt because of it. Is that what you want? Is it? Because I want so much fucking more for you than me.”

“Was that your proposal speech?” you asked calmly. He blinked a few times and narrowed his eyes.

“What? Y/N I-”

“Well you said you want to marry me and yeah, I fucking want to do that with you too so was that your speech?”

“What?” he asked so innocently you smiled. “I don’t…”

“I happen to like taking care of your ass. So. You want me gone, I’m gone. You want me to stay, I’m staying forever. What’s it gonna be?” you asked.

“Stay,” he said quietly with a nod. “Please don’t go away from us.”

“Okay,” you said. He leaned forward and kissed you, sniffling some more when he broke off. “Are you…”

“I can’t believe I just asked that while I’m covered in tears and snot,” he said. A box of tissues suddenly flung itself through the doorway, landing near your feet. You stared down at it and started to laugh, Jensen chuckling while you picked it up. “I’m never living that down.”

“Who gives a fuck,” you said. You took out a tissue and wiped off his face and eyes, having him blow his nose a few times. “That’s really gross.”

“I know.”

“Must be how you know it’s meant to be,” you said, wiping your hand off. 

“Stay forever?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you said quietly. “Yeah that sounds good.”

“Me too,” he said. He pulled you into a hug and you held him tight, the door sneakily shutting on the two of you when it started to pour outside and you heard the backdoor. “I bet that’s how you imagined that going.”

“I never thought it would happen,” you said. “Not when I first came here. Love’s for other people. Normal people with normal families.”

“Fuck normal,” he said and you laughed. You picked up a clean tissue and licked it, wiping off a dried tear streak on his cheek. “I feel good.”

“We’re gonna work on that bottling shit up stuff, okay?” you said.

“Maybe you’ll have more success than Dee did,” he chuckled. 

“I’ll just have to build off what she started,” you said. He nodded and cupped your cheek as you finished cleaning him off. “There, all better.”

“Guess you’re out of a nanny job,” he said.

“Oh such a shame,” you said. “I’ve been putting my paychecks for the last while to a separate account.”

“I did notice that,” he said. “Saving for something?”

“Wanted to give it back to you.”

“Honeymoon fund instead?”

“Okay, now we’re talking,” you said with a laugh.

“You never did tell me how much your book deal got you.”

“I signed a multi-year deal. They think there’s great potential for it to be one of those series every kid reads. One million for around twenty books?”

“Fuck. You should be my agent if you can negotiate like that,” he said.

“I’m still gonna take care of them like I have been,” you said. 

“I know. It’s probably going to be a million times harder now actually,” he said. You nodded and he smiled. “You love them.”

“Yes but I don’t know how to be a parent.”

“Just do what you’ve been doing and it’ll be fine,” he said. “It’ll change but it’ll be good.”

“Not really how I was expecting today to go,” you said. 

“Me either. I had hoped for that to be a tad more romantic,” he said. You gave him a kiss and hug, Jensen returning it. “You don’t care.”

“Nah,” you said. “Just care about you. Everything else, I’m good.”

“Want to go share the news with our eavesdropper?” he asked. You helped him up to his feet and took his hand, walking out of the room, Jared and Gen suspiciously wiping down their kitchen counter. “Or should I say eavesdroppers.”

“We were concerned and I swear we left after Jared tossed the tissues in,” said Gen. Jared shook his head and pointed at her. “I swear he did it.”

“Guess you guys heard then,” said Jensen, giving you a smile. “We’re gonna give it a shot.”

“You okay?” asked Jared. Jensen nodded and squeezed your hand. “You sure?”

“I know what I want,” said Jensen. “I’ve known for a long time. Finally got over being scared is all.”

“She wasn’t gonna hurt you,” said Jared with a smile.

“I know. It was a different fear,” he said. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you said. “Promise.”

“You better not, sweetheart.”

It was dark by the time the storms had passed, all three kids going down easy after spending most of the day running around the Padalecki house. You sat on the balcony off of Jensen’s bedroom in the oversized lounge chair, Jensen sat on the other side of the small side table your drink rested on.

“I’ve never been on a boat before,” you said, staring up at the dark night sky, the only light coming from a few string ones Jensen had turned on.

“Never?” asked Jensen. “Better wear your life jacket tomorrow then.”

“You better wear your life jacket,” you said. “We both know I’m a better swimmer than you.”

“You’re a better swimmer than me? Me?” he chuckled. “No way.”

“Put your money where your mouth is. Five bucks says I’m a better swimmer,” you said. He waved the way towards the door and you stood up, walking downstairs and outside.

“Uh, you missing something?” he chuckled. You smirked and pulled off your shirt and undid your jeans, shimming out of them and leaving them by the patio. “You really think…” 

“I really think what?” you said, tossing your bra at him, leaving your underwear behind. You jumped in and swam out to the deep end. “You’re already losing Jensen.”

“Losing my ass,” he said, taking off his shirt and jeans, nearly tripping as he hopped out of his boxer briefs. He jumped in nearby and swam over to you, dunking his head under briefly. “I could get used to this look.”

“Nothing you’ve not seen before.”

“Never seen my fiance naked before,” he grinned. You rolled your eyes but swam over and gave him a kiss. “I knew you had a thing for dorks you know.”

“Did you now?”

“Told me yourself. Not a fan of cocky guys I recall.”

“Well...a little cock is okay. Highly recommended in fact,” you said. 

“You are such a loser,” he laughed.

“I must have learned it from you.” You giggled and swam back to the shallow end, Jensen lazily chasing after. “I’ve never skinny dipped until just now actually.”

“Got anything on your bucket list you want to try out?” he asked. You shrugged and took a seat on a step, Jensen settling in next to you. “Naked trounce on the trampoline?”

“Maybe another time,” you said. You leaned back and looked up at the dark sky once more. He reached over and held your hand in the water, playing with it quietly. “Skydiving would be cool. Space would be cool.”

“One of those is a lot more feasible than the other. I noticed up in Canada where we had more stars at night you really like looking at them.”

“Did it a lot as a kid. Kinda always have,” you said. “I like space as much as the next gal but it’s just pretty, you know? You’re one little speck out in all of those stars. It’s all so freaking complex but you can kinda look up at them and it’s just so simple too.”

“Yeah,” he said, toying with a strand of hair floating in the water. “I get that.”

You turned and found him staring at you, a smile on his lips. 

“We could go camping sometime, see all the stars there are up there if you’d like,” he said.

“We don’t have to do that,” you said. 

“Why?” he asked quietly. “I’m curious is all. It seems like something you’d really enjoy seeing.”

“What purpose does it serve though? It’s not something fun for the kids to experience,” you said. “It’s a waste of money.”

“It doesn’t have to have a purpose. It’s for you, for us. A night away where you get to see something most people don’t ever get a chance. That’s the only purpose,” he said. “Camping’s about the cheapest thing you can do. Don’t worry about the money. You don’t have to worry about that ever again.”

“I just don’t want to go camping,” you said. You looked down and swallowed. “I used to go camping with my dad a lot.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do that to me,” you said. “I just...I don’t think I ever want to go again.”

“Okay. Would you go camping with me sometime?” he asked. 

“Jensen-”

“Just me. No body else. I won’t even touch you except to cuddle,” he said. You nodded and he smiled. “Thank you. It won’t be scary this time. I promise.”

“Is your dad nice?” you asked. He leaned back against his elbows and nodded. “Does he know about me?”

“My parents know I have a girlfriend. My mom knows I was getting pretty serious about you,” he said. 

“Do they know I was the nanny? Or how old I am?”

“No. My siblings do but not my parents,” he said. You sat up and wrapped your arms around yourself in the warm night air. “I’m not embarrassed of you Y/N. I think that’s a conversation better had in person is all.”

“You haven’t told them because you think they’ll have a problem with it,” you said. 

“Not as much problem as when I say I’m not having a prenup,” he said. You turned your head and saw him smiling back. “I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t trust you completely.”

“Jensen I don’t want to cause a problem,” you said. He shook his head and you sighed. “I know how close you are with them and you haven’t gotten to see them since Christmas. I know exactly what they’re gonna think of me when they hear about the former nanny.”

“You don’t seem to understand yet that you? Nobody is more important than you and those three in there. If they can’t accept you then screw ‘em.”

“Jensen.”

“I’m not worried and you know why? I love you and you love me. I know they love me a whole lot too so you’re on the same side.”

“You’re a bad liar,” you said. He sat up and sighed. “Jens-”

“I don’t know how they’ll act. But you deserve a chance and that’s what I expect out of them. I want them to love you too but at a minimum you’ll have their respect.”

You nodded and sunk down in the warm water, Jensen sliding over and taking a seat on your lap, tossing his arms around your shoulders. 

“You still talk to Dee’s parents right?” you asked. He nodded and wrapped his legs loosely around your waist. “Do they…”

“No,” he said quietly. “They deserve for that to be an in person conversation too. They’re coming up soon for JJ’s birthday soon. I figured I’d tell them then.”

“I’m glad you still talk to them,” you said. “They still see you guys.”

“Christmas was hard last year. I’m not sure which one of us got it worse,” he said. 

“I’d like to meet them if that’s okay.”

“Yeah,” he breathed out. “I’m not sure how they’ll react honestly.”

“I’d still like to,” you said, stepping out into the water with him, Jensen hanging off of you. “If only you were this light normally I’d carry you around all day.”

“Didn’t we agree a long time ago you were the badass princess after all,” he said, bumping his nose against yours. 

“Here I thought you’d be taller,” you teased, quickly kissing him.

“Little shit,” he grinned. He nuzzled your cheek and you let out a deep breath. “Don’t worry about them.”

“At least we don’t have to go through this on my side,” you said.

“Can I ask one thing of you?”

“What?”

“Ray, your mom’s boyfriend, did things end badly between the two of you or you just drift apart? You said you left when you finished high school.”

“I stopped talking to him awhile ago. I moved out at 18 when I got my first nanny job. He was dating his wife Sarah by then. I’d come over for dinner every few months for a few years. By the time I was twenty one they were married with two kids. I didn’t go one time and kept putting it off and Ray told me it was okay if I didn’t want to see him anymore. I could call him if I ever needed him, that sort of thing. I haven’t spoken to him in nine years. But that’s not asking something of me, is it.”

“Can we consider inviting him to the wedding?”

“Been engaged eight hours and already planning?” you asked. 

“I don’t know him but he had a part in raising you. Just consider it is all I ask. And wedding? Those things take fucking forever to plan, trust me.”

“I’ll think about it,” you said, spinning him around in the water. “Are they really that complicated to put together?”

“Nah. Don’t go bridezilla on me is all,” he said. 

“Total diva over here,” you said, feeling the edge of the shallow end start to drop off with your foot. You spun around one more time before you had to set him down, Jensen taking the chance to pick you up and toss you out of of the water. “Jensen! I’m naked!”

“I know. It’s awesome,” he said, swimming out and kissing your cheek. “Wanna race?”

“Winner gets to do whatever they want to the loser when we head upstairs?” you grinned.

“Oh, you’re so on.”

______

A/N: Read Part 10 here!

[wiypt-writes]

Too Loose And You’ll Lose It

Ch2: I’m Not Jealous...Why Would I Be Jealous? Co-written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Summary: The Losers run their first mission together since they bust the Child Sex Trafficking Ring a few months ago, and things don’t quite go according to plan, leading to some nasty tension between Jake and Stella. As time progresses the rift increases leading Jake to make a decision about the nature of his and Stella’s relationship, and the consequences of his decision lead Stella to make one of her own…

Warnings: Bad Language words. Some angst and 2 dumbasses so afraid to admit their feelings to one another, they’d rather ignore them completely…

Pairing: Jake Jensen x OFC Stella Stevenson.

A/N:  Yeah, yeah, we’re sorry…but what would our fics be without the standard angst and dumbassery…and let’s face it, Jake IS a total dumbass. A lovable dumbass, but still a dumbass. Also, in this is a lot of Creative License. There’s limited detail about the CIA base online (dur) but I do have a fairly good grasp of UK Military codes and security levels as I worked on a lot of bases so we’re running with that…if it’s not directly the same over in the US then…sorry not sorry!

And yes, our other OC in here is shamelessly named after Evans… and our bub needs some love today.

TLAYLI Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 1

August 2007

“OK Losers, let’s fuck this shit up and get home. I got a date in less than 23 hours.” Clay grinned at Pooch who let out a chuckle.

“You sure don’t wanna miss that…she’s volatile.” Roque’s soft baritone came back over the coms.

“Yeah, which means I’d rather not be late.” Clay replied.

“Good call Clay, I’d hate to be picking up the pieces of you like I had to do with Pooch when he missed Future Mrs Pooch’s birthday last month…”  Jensen replied, looking at Pooch as he sat in the van, laptop open “How is Little Pooch performing since she ripped your balls off?”

Pooch glared at him and elbowed him harshly in the ribs “Ouch, Pooch be gentle!” Jensen rubbed at his side, wincing.

Clay rolled his eyes as Pooch and Jensen started bickering between themselves, Cougar’s soft snickering echoed down the coms from his vantage point perched on the building next door. “Ok, seriously, we’re trying to work here and all I can hear is you lot.” Stella hissed, “Can you focus up?”

“Sorry Arty.” Pooch said, shooting one last glare at Jensen who simply arched an eyebrow and sniffed slightly, tapping at the keyboard.

“And I can see you.” Jensen grinned as the CCTV footage of the inside of the office flicked onto the screen “Wave for the Camera Stel…”

At his words, Stella turned to look at the camera which was above her in the corner of the room and flipped him off. Clay gave a snort.

“That’s not a wave sweetheart.” Jake said and she let out a growl.

“Jensen, I swear to God…”

“Enough you two.” Clay groaned “Roque, Arty get on with it. Cougar, sit-rep on the auction.”

“Still going on…” Cougar obliged “Everyone still in the main room.”

“Jakey…” Stella spoke, and as they watched she began to search the room as Roque kept watch at the door. “Are you sure it’s in here?”

“Yup…” Jensen said “The signal says you’re right by it.”

On the screen Stella paused and looked at the large, ornamental cabinet against the right wall. She stooped to examine the lock and then snorted. “Standard dead bolt.”

“You think they’d be a little more careful…” Pooch mused, watching the footage on the laptop.

“Well to be fair they have a lot of security on the door” Stella replied, and with that hitched the skirt of the tight, figure hugging midnight blue body-con dress she was wearing up slightly and retrieved a tiny device from the top of her stockings.

Jake gave a groan, and then a little yelp as Pooch slapped him round the back of the head. “Pooch man…like, didn’t you see that?”

“Shut up!” Clay said, glaring at him, his eyes then flicking back to the screen as Stella began to wrestle with the lock of the cabinet.

“Boss, they’re wrapping up. Cougar spoke. “The device has sold…I got eyes on our middle man…”

“Ok…” Stella said, and they watched as she gave the little picking device a twist to the right before she sharply jabbed it downwards, then up. Then she gave a little “yes” of triumph and yanked the door open, only to then give a groan of frustration.“Shit.”

“Shit, what’s shit?” Roque asked, and Clay saw him turn back to look at her from where he had been peeking out of the door.

“It’s in a damned case…”  She said, yanking it out and dropping it on the desk, crouching down so she was eyelevel with the locks. “These are harder to pick than a fucking padlock.”

“You got company heading your way.” Cougar spoke “2 guys, armed, approaching from your left.”

“Fuck.” Clay mumbled, as Jensen tapped another button and a smaller viewing box appeared in the top right of the monitor displaying footage of the corridor.

“Want me to drop them boss?” Cougar asked.

“Let’s wait a bit, see if we can get out clean.” Clay said. “But be ready just in case.”

“Got about 40 seconds tops until they turn the corner and I won’t have a shot.”

“Roger.” Clay said

“Once Cougar loses sight we have about another 60 seconds before they hit your position.” Jake said, his eyes flashing as he watched the CCTV of the two men walk down the corridor before his eyes moved back to the larger footage box of the room Stella was in. “Come on Stel…”

“I’m going as fast as I can…” she grumbled, twisting the device in the fiddly locks. One of them sprang open and she hastily moved to the other.

It was deadly silent, Jensen holding his breath as his nerves started to get the better of him. Roque and Stella were both unarmed, they had to be to get into the auction in the first place. The only reason Stella had managed to get that lock pick in through the metal detectors was that it was made out of a specialist, plastic resin. His right hand rested over his mouth, fingers pulling at the whiskers on his goatee as his knee began to jerk slightly.

“Ok I got it…” Stella said, and she grabbed the large, metal hard-drive, flipping it over. “Jake now what?”

“The back should screw off.” He said, watching as she flipped it over, dropped it on the desk and hastily worked at the screw positioned at the top.

“I lost sight.” Cougar said.

“Ok, grab the drive and get of there.” Clay instructed and at that point Roque spun back into the room, making to pick it up but Stella slapped his hand away.

“Arty, what…”

“If we do that we’ve no chance of tracking this back via the middle man to the buyer…” she shook her head, still working at the screw.

“Our priority was retrieving the device.” Clay said, “The buyer is a bonus.”

“Stella, do what he says.” Jake said, swallowing nervously “Get out of there, now!”

“No, I almost got this…” Stella mumbled and with a final twist of her wrist the back sprang open. Quick as a flash the three men in the truck watched as Roque pulled off his watch, twisted the back of it and retrieved the data chip inside, handing it to Arty.

“Lift up the large, flat circuit board in the middle.” Jake said, and she followed his instructions, quickly swapping the chips out. She then hastily screwed the back on before jamming it back in the case. She snapped the lock shut, before she rammed it back in the cupboard.

“30 seconds…” Jake muttered, “Stel…come on…”

She didn’t reply, instead she quickly locked the cabinet door and Roque grabbed her hand and they ran into the corridor, running in the opposite direction to the approaching danger.

Jensen hit a button, flipping the footage of the corridor so it filled the screen and felt his blood run cold. He could see the corridor was long. And there was no way Roque and Stel would make it to the corner at the bottom before the men spotted them.

“They’re not gonna make it…” he muttered, and all 3 of them in the van stood up, grabbing their guns.

“Cougar…” Clay instructed as they emerged from the van.

“I’m by the gates” he said simply and Clay cocked his gun.

“Roque, Arty try and hide until we get in there…” he said simply as they sprinted across the road towards where Cougar was waiting, all the time listening to the chatter on the coms.

“Door, door…” Roque muttered “Shit it’s locked…”

“Roque…” Stella hissed.

“What?”

“Shut up and…”

Her voice cut off and Jensen heard a noise on his comms, a noise that sounded very much like…

Oh hell, no.

“Are they…is she…” he looked at Pooch as besides him Cougar started chuckling “Are they kissing?” Jensen wheeled round to look at Clay “Tell me, that’s not kissing I can hear!”

Clay shrugged as Jensen pulled a face, making a disgusted snort through his nose. “Stel, are you kissing Roque? What the fuck-“

“Hey, what the hell are you 2 doing back here?” an unfamiliar voice sounded in Jensen’s ears, followed by the loud noise of lips smacking and he looked at Pooch, his mouth hanging open.

“Sorry…we just…erm…” Stella giggled, “Yeah, we…”

“Can’t keep my hands off her” Roque chuckled, and Jensen couldn’t help the growl that bubbled from his throat at the words “Can you blame me? She’s a stunner, right?”

“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t be back here.”

“I know, we’re really sorry…I guess, well, I guess the excitement and the champagne…just got me a little…” Stella trailed off, giggling again.

Pooch grinned as Cougar winked at Jensen who’s jaw was set. He could picture exactly the face Stella was making, batting her eyelids all innocently, biting her lip.

And she’d just kissed Roque.

Fucker.

“Go on, get out of here…” the man’s voice instructed Roque and Stella and Roque said something back that Jensen didn’t quite catch as he pulled his ear piece out and turned off his coms link.

“Ok, back to the van.” Clay ordered, looking around at Pooch, Cougar and Jensen, who’s expression looked like that of a bulldog licking piss of a nettle. As the 4 of them headed back down the small lane to the non-descript Cable Company van, Clay shared a glance with Pooch who simply raised his eyebrows. Over the past 3 months since Stella had moved to the base in Virginia, the dynamic between her and Jensen had been the subject of immense puzzlement for the team. Stella had assured Clay when she joined that whatever had been going on was over, as they hadn’t seen each other for a year, but it was clear to see that them being in such close proximity of one another had thrown fuel on the allegedly damp fire.

For all intents and purposes the team basically agreed that they might as well actually be dating. They spent their evenings together, watched movies, went home for the same weekends… the whole “friends with benefits” thing they had going on was also complete bullshit as neither of them was seeing anyone else. Clay got the distinct impression, however, that Jensen was the driving force behind it not being official but here he was acting like a total brat because she’d had to kiss Roque as part of her cover. It was fucking ridiculous, but until either of them ended it or admitted their feelings, there was nothing he could do.  

“We’re out. Heading to you now.” Stella sounded in his ear just as Jensen opened the rear door to the van.

“Good.” He said with a smile as he climbed into the back of the can. “Nice work guys. All of you, job well done.” He said, nodding.

“Yeah, especially you Roque from the sounds of things!” Pooch quipped and Cougar gave a snort as Jensen slammed the ruggedized laptop shut.

“Watch it, that’s worth more than your annual pay check.” Clay pointed at Jensen, then to the laptop.

“Ah don’t mind him Clay, he’s just a little jealous.” Pooch teased.

“Jealous? I’m not jealous.” Jake said, far too quickly “Why would I be jealous?”

“Because Roque just totally tongued your girl” Cougar grinned, making Pooch snigger. Clay rolled his eyes.

“She’s not my girl.” Jensen snapped, and at that exact moment the door to the van slid open. Jensen turned to look at Stella, and he inwardly groaned as he knew full well from the expression on her face she’d heard him. But her outward slip was quick, and she recovered herself fast, stepping into the van closely flowed by Roque.

“Oooh, someone kissed someone.” Pooch grinned and Roque glared at him.

“What are you, 5?”

Stella flopped onto one of the fold down seats in the back, and took the water Clay handed her with a mumbled thanks.

“You ok?” he asked her.

“Yeah.” She nodded “I’m fine. Was just a close one.”

“Can say that again.” Pooch said and Stella rolled her eyes.

“Alright, knock it off.” Clay said, looking at her and then to Jensen who looked like a sulky teenager, and it was too good an opportunity to miss, so with a smirk he added “Otherwise Jensen’s gonna have a fit and as annoying as he is, we need him.”

“Like he cares.” Stella mumbled, and Jake glared at her, positively shooting daggers with his eyes across the van.

Roque chuckled, more amused at Jensen’s attitude than anything “Well if he doesn’t care he’s an idiot. You’re a damned good kisser Arty.”

Stella looked at him, and raised her eyebrow. “Glad I met with your approval Roque.”

Cougar nudged her and she looked at him as he nodded towards Roque, tipping his hat slightly “How was it for you?”

“A solid 7 and a half outta 10.” She shrugged and Clay, Pooch and Cougar erupted into laughter at Roque’s indignant look.

“7 and a half?”

“I docked half a point for the fact you bumped your head into mine…” she shrugged “And it would have been a 9 if you’d felt my ass.”

Pooch banged on the dash of the van, howling with laughter as Clay chuckled deeply, shaking his head. Cougar grinned at Roque who himself gave a snort, and Stella turned her head to look at Jake. Her eyes locked onto his to find him simply looking at her, not a shred of amusement on his face. Eventually he raised his eyebrows and looked away, taking a deep breath.

Stella rolled her eyes and swallowed. Ok, that had been a bit out of order, but hearing what he had said just before had hurt her. Yes, she knew she wasn’t ‘his girl’, she hadn’t been for a while but if she was honest she was struggling with that, and was fast coming to the conclusion that she couldn’t keep doing what she was doing.

The trouble was, she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to end it.

*****

As it turns out, the decision was taken out of her hands. Upon return to base, the relationship between them grew increasingly icy over the following week or so. They had no contact outside of work, and even in work it was civil at best. Stella was angry at Jake’s behaviour, how pathetic he was being over the whole Roque thing, a kiss that had been nothing more than an undercover distraction, but more than anything she was hurt. It was clear to her that he didn’t care about her like he used to. Things had already shifted between them dramatically since that evening a few months ago back home after they’d been out for drinks with Pooch and Jolene. He’d become a little more aloof so to speak, and whilst they still hung out, did all the things they used to do as best friends, and still fucked, she’d noticed how he was less affectionate before and after. Almost like he had deliberately put up a wall to remind her that this was simply an arrangement, so in her mind, especially after his outburst in the van following the latest mission, he had absolutely no right to be pissed at her for kissing or going with anyone, regardless. But, after a fortnight or so of being treated to Jake’s cold stares, being intentionally ignored in conversations, and being subjected to watching him attempting to flirt with any female he came across, Stella went into self-preservation mode and avoided hanging around with any of them outside of work as much as she could.

August ticked into September, and it was almost a month or so after the mission when Clay rocked into the little office the Losers used on the base and Stella smiled at him, looking up from a report she had been writing on a couple of recruits she’d been asked to train.

“I didn’t know you were back.” She smiled as he perched on the edge of her desk.

“Got in this morning.” He replied, “Where’s the rest of the team?”

“Pooch is on Drill Ops, Cougar is on the shooting range and as for Jensen, your guess is as good as mine. I haven’t spoken to him in ages. In fact, I don’t even know if he’s in the State or not.”

“Still?” Clay groaned “Oh come on Arty, don’t you think this has gone on long enough? When are you gonna sort stuff out?”

“When he grows up and apologises for being a jerk.”

“So basically never.” Clay rolled his eyes.

Stella shrugged “I don’t want to talk about it Clay.”

“Fine, whatever.” Clay sighed, “Do you reckon you could at least try to be civil though? It’s gonna make running this team hard work if you two are at each other’s throats. And I don’t wanna have to ask one of you to leave.”

She looked at him, and he stuck his bottom lip out and she sighed before she turned back to her computer “I’ll think about it.”

“Suppose that’s better than a flat out ‘Fuck off, Clay…” he rolled his eyes, hopping off the desk and ruffling her hair. Stella ducked out of the way, swatting at his hand. “Oh, before I go, you got the reports on the Atlanta job?”

“Yeah, they’re in the Red Link area…” Stella pushed her chair back and stood up, smoothing down her uniform top before she gestured for Clay to follow her. Together they made their way down the corridor and Stella stopped at a high-security door, bending down so the scanner pad could take her retina print. Once inside the door shut behind her, and she swiped her ID into the slot to the side of the other thick, glass door which opened in front of her. She moved into the main room and turned, waiting for Clay to enter behind her.

“I fucking hate those things.” Clay mumbled as he stepped through the entrance. “They make me feel like I’m about to plummet through the floor into Thunderbird one.”

Stella chuckled “Its top secret, classified info Clay, you know this.”

She strode over to the key safe positioned on the wall, punched in the code and then selected the relevant key. Clay followed her to the a cabinet at the back which she unlocked and pulled out a Manilla file with the words “MILITARY SECRET- CLASSIFIED” Stamped all over, and the words “Operation Bon Echo” underneath. She handed it to him and then grinned.

“I don’t need to tell you that ya can’t take that outta this room do I?” she teased and Clay shot her a look.

“Stel, I been running Military ops since you were knee high to a grass hopper.” He arched an eyebrow and she laughed.

“Do you want me to stay so we can go through it or…” “No.” he shook his head “I just want to read it now it’s not that fresh in my mind. Helps me analyse it a little better. I’ll call an official Lessons Learned at some point.”

“Ok, well when you’re done make sure you lock up.” She said. “And don’t forget to make sure you swipe your ID again on the way out, or the system will still think you’re here.” “Grasshopper.” Clay looked at her again and she laughed.

“I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t check.” She smiled “I’ll catch you later.”

Clay waved her off and Stella let herself out. Deciding that she could do with a break she wandered out of the Original Headquarters building she was stationed passing the Kryptos sculpture in the little courtyard and made her way down through the landscaped garden area where a few people were milling around, sat at the various benches, taking in the bright early September Sun that had settled over Virginia. She passed the main entrance to the CIA Museum and made her way over to the Starbucks near the New HQ building. More people were sat outside on the benches and she felt herself inwardly groan as she recognised 3 of them. Pooch, Cougar and Jensen. Of course.

“Hey Arty!” Pooch called and she smiled, making her way over “We were just talking about you.”

“Sounds ominous.” She said, her eyes focussed on him to avoid looking at Jensen.

“We ain’t seen you properly in weeks.” Cougar leaned back in his chair, his hat as always perched on his head.

“Well I’ve been busy” she shrugged, “And speaking of which, I gotta get back so...” she gestured to the door of the Starbucks and smiled.

“Movie and pizza on Friday?” Pooch asked “Jolene’s coming here this weekend, sure she’d be pleased to see you.” “Yeah, maybe.” Stella nodded. Pooch flashed her a smile, as did Cougar, before she turned and walked away.

“So now you’re not even speaking? At all?” Pooch looked at Jensen who shrugged, picking at the label on his Starbucks cup. The words “Glasses” had been scribbled on the side by the barista as a means of identifying who the coffee belonged to. They weren’t allowed to ask the Agents’ names so instead they usually provided physical descriptors of something around their appearance when ordering. Cougars usually bore the word “Cowboy” given that he was rarely without his black Stetson and Pooch’s held the words “Eight Ball” on account of him being that closely shorn he was almost bald. Jake had found it amusing at the time when he’d offered that up to the pretty girl behind the counter…

“You’re being a pain in the ass.” Pooch glared at him. “And a buzzkill.”

“How, what…why am I a buzzkill?” Jensen looked at him, frowning.

“Cos she’s not hanging around with us anymore because you’re being a prick.” Cougar shot back, picking up his coffee and taking a sip.

Jensen ignored Cougar, as he placed the cup down on the table, his finger absentmindedly trailing round the rim of the plastic lid. He knew he’d fucked up. He could remember the hurt in Stella’s eyes when she had opened the door in the van to hear him protesting how she wasn’t his girl. He’d been pissed off, and had snapped it out in a moment of frustration and anger but deep down he knew that it wasn’t true. Well, it was true…she wasn’t his girl anymore, because of decision he had made years ago, a decision that he’d come to with the best of intentions but knowing that didn’t make it any easier.

What hurt him more than anything now, however, was the realisation he’d come to that night of the mission as he’d led in the hotel room. He was still dragging her along with every damned decision he made, and the more he thought about it the more he realised that had been the case through the entire time they’d known one another. They started dating when he finally plucked up the courage to ask her out. They quit because he decided it was right. Then the ‘arrangement’ they had was something he came up with, because it suited him and he’d been selfish, well and truly had his cake and eaten it. She played along with his decisions every damned time and that made him feel like shit. Because she was such a strong, vibrant, stubborn person in every other area of her life. She was fierce, took no shit, she was a fucking bad ass…and the only explanation for her allowing him to be the way he was, was that she loved him, like really loved him. And he didn’t deserve her.

He knew what he had to do, he had to end their arrangement although he was pretty sure it was at an end anyway. Maybe his outburst in the van had been a blessing in disguise. But that said, she was still the best friend he’d ever had, the person he cared about most in the world and he didn’t want her to hate him to the extent she didn’t want to speak to him ever again. He might be a dumbass but he wasn’t stupid, and he certainly wasn’t naive enough to think that things could ever go back to how they were before they’d dated, but he had to try and salvage something…even if it was simply so that she could actually bring herself to hold a conversation.

**** Stella was sat on her sofa, munching on a bag of popcorn when there was a knock on her door. Given that no one had buzzed through, that meant it was someone who lived in the block that housed The Losers’ CIA Owned Condos. Pressing pause on her remote, temporarily halting Simba’s pouncing lesson she padded over to the door and checked through the viewer. When she saw who it was she gave a deep breath and debated not answering it, before she gave her head a shake and mentally told herself to grow up.

“Since when have you started knocking on my door?” she asked, opening it “You usually just walk in…”

“Well given how things have been between us I wasn’t sure you’d appreciate me using my key.” He smiled at her. “Can I come in?”

Stella turned around and headed back inside her condo, “You want a beer?”

“No, it’s ok. Thanks. I errr, I wanna talk to you.”

“Sounds serious?” she turned back to look at him as she crossed towards her sofa. She perched where she had been previously sat, tucking her legs up besides her and Jake took a seat a few cushions down, nodding at the TV.

“You must know this off by heart by now.”

“You know full well I do.”

“Yeah, that and every other damned Disney film out there.” he snorted and she grinned, before she took a deep breath.

“I’m pretty certain you didn’t come over to discuss my Disney obsession Jake.”

“Yeah, erm…” Jensen cleared his throat. “I came to apologise. I’ve been an ass, a childish ass, and I’m sorry.”

Stella looked at him, before she took a deep breath, but she didn’t speak so he carried on.

“I want us to be friends again.” He said gently and she studied him for a moment before she sighed and gave him a soft smile, reaching for his hand.

“I’m sorry too Jake.” She said, licking her lips “I haven’t exactly behaved like a grown up either…and I’ve missed you.”

Jensen looked at her, and saw her eyes were shining and he knew she wasn’t getting him. He let out a soft sigh and hung his head and instantly her hand moved from his, reading his body language and signs as she always could.

“Jakey, what’s wrong?” she asked softly and he raised his head to look at her and he shook it gently side to side. God, she was making this so damned hard.

“I think you got me wrong Stel…” his eyes locked onto hers, his voice soft.

“What do you mean?” she frowned “I thought you wanted things to go back to how they were?”

“I do, but…not like that.” He shook his head “This thing between us, this…arrangement…I think its best we stop.”

Stella felt a wave of cold crashing over her and she temporarily froze as she realised that this was it, his final admission that his feelings for here were nothing more than friendly, that she was nothing more than a convenient way for him to simply get his dick wet from time to time. And now she wasn’t even that.

“Stel?” Jake said softly and she blinked a little, pulling herself together. She gave him the best smile she could muster and nodded.

“If that’s what you want.”

“I think it’s for the best” Jake chose his words carefully, because it wasn’t what he wanted, and despite himself, even now, he couldn’t lie to her.

“Ok.” She nodded, giving him another small smile.

“Hey, we had a good run.” He said, attempting to break the tension and she rolled her eyes.

“You’re a jerk.” She shook her head, and he shrugged.

“I know.”

There was a moment’s pause, and for the first time Jensen could remember, it was fucking awkward. And he had to get out of there. “I err, I should…” her gestured over his shoulder towards the door with his thumb and Stella nodded.

“Sure.” She agreed “I got a film to finish so…”

“I’ll leave you to it.” He said, standing. “Buy you a coffee tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Stella smiled.

He nodded to her, his hand falling to her shoulder as he stood up, giving it a squeeze.

Stella just managed to hold her tears back long enough for him to shut the door behind him.

***** Things between the two of them settled down after that, but there was a shift, that didn’t go unnoticed by them or the rest of the team for that matter. The once best friends turned lovers turned best friends with benefits now had to navigate simply being buddies. It was odd for them both but they managed to remain on good terms.  Not great, but good. They could hold a conversation, laugh, joke…the team was happier because of it. But there were no movie nights, no time spent alone. Neither wanted themselves put in that position, this was the new normal for Jake and Stella now, just how it had to be. It hurt them both- after so long, of course it would…but it was better than nothing.

Another month ticked over, and October brought some cooler weather. The leaves on the trees turned to their firey reds, golds and yellows announcing that Fall had arrived, and brought with it Stella’s favourite thing of the season…pumpkin spiced lattes.

“You have an unhealthy addiction to those things…” Pooch grinned as she picked up the coffee from the counter.

“Best thing about Fall.” She shrugged, turning to leave. She instantly collided with a wall of solid muscle and her precious latte went cascading down the front of her uniform and the crisp, white shirt of the unfortunate man she had collided with.

“Shit!” he yelled and Stella’s hand flew to her mouth

“Oh my God, I’m so, so sorry!” she looked at the man, instantly noticing the deep, blue eyes that looked back at her. They were shining with a natural, kind natured glint and she swallowed as the man sighed, and shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said, his voice deep “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

Stella placed the now half-empty cup down on the side, and took the pile of napkins Pooch handed to her.

“Thanks…” she mumbled, before she offered them to the man.

“What, you’re not gonna wipe it down for me?” he winked and she gave a snort before she chuckled a little, shaking her head.

“I think I’m in enough trouble as it is, don’t you?” she smiled and he gave another chuckle, as he dabbed at his shirt which had now started to go a little see through thanks to it being wet. A not entirely unpleasant turn of events in Stella’s opinion. She scanned him up and down quickly, taking in his sharp navy suit, shiny shoes, black tie before she looked back at his face which sported an immaculately trimmed beard, sharp nose and jawline, brow furrowed in concentration as he focussed on cleaning his shirt up.

“No trouble.” He flashed her a smile that lit up his handsome face, his eyes crinkling slight in the corner and Stella swallowed a little, surprised to find her stomach fluttering ever so slightly with butterflies.

“I err, I should go…” she nodded. “I’m sorry again.”

“Like I said, don’t worry about it.”

She gave him another smile, the heat in her necks and cheeks unbearable, before she picked up what was left of her latte and along with Pooch exited the store.

“Ok, so he just totally watched you leave.” Pooch nudged her and she shook her head.

“Stop!”

“Girl he was eye fucking you!” Pooch snorted “And you were eye fucking him!”

“I was not…” she protested, before he looked at her and she laughed, shaking her head “Ok, maybe I was…a little. Girl can look, right?”

“Hey, no judgement from me!” Pooch smiled “You’re young, free, single…”

“Yeah…” Stella sighed, stealing a look over her shoulder taking in the mystery man from behind “That I am. Thanks for the reminder.”

“You know you could just tell him how you feel.” Pooch gently suggested as they walked towards the entrance of their building.

“What?” Stella looked at him. “How I feel? I just, literally bumped into the guy.”

“I don’t mean him, I mean Jensen.”

“What? Why would you…” Stella looked at Pooch who raised an eyebrow at her. She shook her head “That’s done, it’s over. He ended it, again, and this time it’s a clean break. I’m not raking over old ground, Pooch. Nothing good comes of it.”

Pooch looked at her as he swiped his access card, pulling the door open and allowing Stella to step into the building in front of him. She headed down the corridor, her camouflage clad shoulders slumped a little and Pooch sighed.

“Pair of dumbasses.” He mumbled to himself, as he headed after her towards the office.

***** The good thing about Arty and Jensen being on speaking terms was that their team social events were lighter in atmosphere, and at the end of the week when Clay suggested a few beers they all accepted.

It was the Friday before Halloween, and The Losers were gathered in a bar not far from their Condo building. It was packed full of people, some in fancy dress, some not. The bar itself was decked out in Halloween decorations, Jack-O-Lanterns spaced along the dark wood bar and on the taller tables at the sides of the room. As Roque and Clay came back from the bar with drinks for the team, they handed them out and Clay paused as Jensen had picked up the lantern from their table. He held it next to his face and arranged his features into a grin and Pooch snorted as Jensen placed it back down, picking up his beer.

“I take it from the fact you’re back that your pick up line didn’t work on that nurse.” Pooch looked at Jensen who shrugged.

“What was it this time?” Clay asked “Did you use the ‘did it hurt when you fell from heaven’ line or was it more of a ‘I’m a trained, lethal killing machine, wanna see my weapon’ kinda moment?”

Cougar, Roque and Pooch snorted, whilst Cougar looked at Arty who was studying the label on her beer bottle “Tell me you didn’t fall for anything like that?” he quipped.

“JJ never used a chat-up line on me, Coug.” She shrugged and Jake looked at her.

“I was 10 when we met, Stel.” He arched an eyebrow “10 year olds don’t use chat-up lines.”

“We didn’t start dating until we were 17.” She looked at him, taking a swig from her bottle.

“Exactly, seven years later. Didn’t need one.” He winked. She rolled her eyes before she grinned.

“Actually, you kinda used one once…but we’d already been dating for 10 months by that point.”

Jensen frowned “What?”

“Prom night. We got home to yours and you turned to me, and said, and I quote, ‘wanna fuck’?”

Jensen grinned and Cougar looked at them both “Wait, you dated for 10 months before you…” “We did other stuff.” Jake shrugged.

Cougar snorted.

“We were kids, Coug.” Stella smiled

“Awww, did you pop his cherry, Stel?” Pooch grinned and Stella smiled in response.

“Hey, I popped hers too.” Jake chipped in.

“I feel like I should be congratulating you or something.” Clay said, causing the team to laugh and Stella rolled her eyes.

“It wasn’t some big mission, Clay…” She looked at him and Jensen snorted.

“It felt like it.” He placed his bottle on the table before he smirked “I had to get my dad to make sure the house was empty.”

That entire day was imprinted on his brain, fresh as if it had happened only yesterday…but in that moment he was taken back to the conversation with his dad as he stood in the living room, just before heading out to pick Stella up.

“Hey dad…” Jake looked up as John walked into the room. “Will anyone be home when I get back?”

John Jensen looked at his son, arching an eyebrow “I know your game…” Jake shrugged and grinned. “Just…oh, I dunno, just be careful ok? I’ll take your mom out for a drink but I can’t promise we’ll be out late.”

“That’s ok.” Jake said, “Me and Stel aint planning on staying too long anyway. Just long enough to see who spikes the punch or starts the first fight.”

“As long as it ain’t you.” His dad looked at him and Jake grinned.

“Hey, I’m a lover not a fighter.”

“Yeah, sure you can kill ‘em all with love when you join the army.” John snorted and Jake shrugged.

“Come here, let me sort your tie…” John sighed, stepping forward to straighten the knot. “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m asking you this but…you got any condoms son?”

“A few.” Jake shrugged.

At that John laughed “ A few? I admire your optimism.” He paused and then narrowed his eyes “Did you steal them from my stash?”

“No I bought em, Jesus…” Jake groaned “Like I needed that image.”

“Yeah because the image of my 18 year old son banging his childhood sweetheart is so much better.” John rolled his eyes.

“You and mom are like a hundred or whatever.” Jake looked at him, pulling a disgusted face “It’s gross.”

“Ok.. Now listen to me. If your mother finds out you’re…you know…this conversation, never happened.” John stepped back “You hear me?”

“Loud and clear pops.” Jake nodded “You know though, Stel’s stayed here before. Mom didn’t seem to mind.” “That’s because your mother never heard you hitting each base like I did. She thinks Stella stays in the spare room, whereas I know full well she stays with you and then sneaks back in there before everyone gets up…”

His dad had come through for him. He house was empty when they got back. His mom had actually been cool about it all as well to be fair, she loved Stella, still did as a matter of fact. As the memory of the morning after their first time came back to him, he grinned and looked at Arty.

“Remember mom knocking on my door in the morning, asking if she was bringing 2 cups of coffee in or 1?”

“Fuck, yes.” Stella snored “I nearly died of embarrassment.”

“But she never bothered putting you in the spare room again.” He winked as the group laughed. “Good times.”

“Yeah, yeah they were.” Stella sighed, before her eyes fell back to her bottle of beer, biting back the snipe she had brewing in her mind.

Before you fucked it all up…

“Hey…” Pooch nudged her and she looked at him, noticing he was watching something at the bar “Aint that flash coffee dude?”

“What?” Stella asked, her eyes snapping to where Pooch was looking “Oh yeah.”

“Who’s flash coffee dude?” Clay asked.

“Guy at the bar in the grey sweater.” Pooch said, grinning “Arty spilt a pumpkin spiced latte all down his shirt. He didn’t seem to mind though, was too busy undressing her with his eyes.”

At that Jake’s head snapped up and he looked over at the man who was stood with another guy a little shorter than him, chatting as he perched effortlessly on one of the high stools, his long jean clad legs stretching out in front of him, right foot resting on the rail at the bottom.

“That’s Evan Christianson.” Roque said “He works in Intel.”

“What kind of a dick name is that?” Jensen snorted

“Who cares?” Stella said, her eyes still on the man “With a body and face like that he can be called what the fuck he wants. Look at his poise…”

“You know…” Cougar took a pull of his beer “I’m not gay but I’m considering giving it a go.”

They all laughed bar Jensen who was studying the man Stella seemed to have the hots for. He wasn’t surprised at all to feel that green eyed monster stirring in his belly, but what could he do? They were free agents, it wasn’t like he expected her to stay single forever. He stole a look at Stella who was smirking a little at something Cougar had just said, shaking her head.

“Absolutely not, I’ll make a tit of myself.” She protested.

“You already did that when you spilt coffee all down him.” Pooch smirked “Don’t be a pussy.”

Stella bit her lip, weighing up her options. Should she? Could she? In the corner of her eye she saw Jake turn away, and momentarily felt a flash of guilt before she shook herself out of it.

He doesn’t want you anymore…

“Oh fuck it…” She shrugged, and grabbing her beer she headed off in the direction of the bar.

“Where is she going?” Jake asked.

“Don’t be a dumbass Jensen.” Roque smirked “It’s obvious.”

The men watched as Stella reached Evan and gently tapped his shoulder. He spun round and flashed her a huge grin, showing immaculate white teeth as he said something to her.

“Why is he smiling at her like that?” Jensen demanded and Clay looked at Pooch.

Cougar snorted “He likes her.”

“No shit Cougs…” Roque looked at him.

“Oh, he’s buying her a drink…” Pooch said, as Evan nodded towards Stella’s beer and then turned towards the bar tender.

“We have lift off boys!” Clay grinned, and the group smirked at one another, before they turned away, not wanting to watch or intrude. Jensen’s eyes, however, remained where they were until Clay slapped him on the shoulder.

“Cheer up Jensen.” He said gently

“I’m not…I don’t need to cheer up.” Jake shrugged, turning back to his beer. His eyes flickered around the bar then, deliberately avoiding the two of them stood at the bar before he focussed in on the Nurse he’d been talking to before he rolled his shoulders back and stated “Innabit losers, I got stuff to do.”

He headed across the bar towards the blonde and the remaining 4 men all looked at one another before shrugging, and continuing with their conversation. But Clay, always the leader, made sure to keep one eye on them both.

****

“It should be me buying you a drink.” Stella smiled and Evan laughed.

“Well what kind of gentleman would that make me?”

“The kind who had a hot cup of coffee spilt on him by a clumsy ass Captain who wasn’t watching where she was going.”

“Well, if I was the type of guy to use a pick up line, I’d tell you I was impressed that the clumsy, but might fine ass, belongs to a Captain.” He smiled and Stella grinned, her ego stoked a little at the veiled compliment to both her appearance and rank.

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” She flirted back, thanking him as the bar tender slid their drinks over to them.

“I hope so.” He winked, taking a pull from his bottle. “I’m Evan by the way.”

“Evan Christianson, yeah I know.” She smiled, taking a drink herself and he looked at her, his eyebrow raised “Roque told me.”

“Oh you know Roque?”

“Yeah. We worked together under Clay.” She nodded to her team where they were all stood round their table, noticing that Jensen wasn’t with them. But before she could think anymore of it Evan spoke again, as he raised his beer to Roque who did the same in acknowledgement.

“Small world.” He smiled at Arty. “So, do I get to know your name or…”

“It’s Stella.” She smiled, “Stella Stevenson, or as that lot call me Arty…”

“Let me guess, short for Artois, like the drink.” He smiled and she laughed, nodding. “Well, Stella or Arty, pleased to meet you. Again.”

“I promise to try not to spill a drink on you this time.” She smiled and Evan gave a little chuckle.

“Well I am partial to a pumpkin spiced latte, prefer to drink them though not wear them if I can help it.”

“I thought you wore it pretty well to be fair.” Stella smiled and he raised an eyebrow, a cheeky glint flashed in his eyes.

“That so?”

She bit her lip and turned back to her drink, picking it up and taking a big sip, smiling to herself as she felt Evan’s eyes studying her face.

From there the conversation began to flow. Evan told her a bit about him, his role in the Intel branch, how he’d himself been in the Navy having worked his way up to Commander by the time he was 30 before leaving a few years back to join the CIA. He was a few years older than her at thirty-five, and hailed from Boston, although Arty had sussed that anyway through his accent. She in turn told him about her life, her career and a little about her family. He seemed interested, genuinely. Asked her questions, answered hers as he bought another couple of drinks, each time declining Stella’s offer to pay.

It was a surprise to her just how easy the conversation and gentle flirting came to her. Whilst her and Jensen hadn’t been together or badged as exclusive, she hadn’t had any kind of relationship since he’d ended things with her 5 years or so ago. She hadn’t been interested, but here…well, she was finding that interest piqued.

A few hours later she left the bar with a smile on her face…and Evan Christian’s number safely stored in her phone.

***** Chapter 2 Part 1

[spnfanficpond]

September Angel Fish Awards

(New Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

WELCOME TO THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. Everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that this fun, thoughtful award will do just that. 

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE SEPTEMBER’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @impalaimagining

From Far Away by @plaid-lover-bay25

This fic is all kinds of sweet. We all know Jensen is perfect and will probably never need glasses to see, no matter what time does to his eyes, but HOO the thought of that man looking over the brim of his glasses when he looks up from his book to meet your eyes? Even if it’s through a screen? Count me ALL the way in.

Silver Lining  by @luci-in-trenchcoats

All I want for the rest of my life is to be right in the moment that exists within this fic. It’s so warm and cozy, even if it does get a bit overheated at times with all that shared body heat. I will gladly accept a few uncomfortably sweaty moments if it means having the two of them just like this.

Pit Stop by @stusbunker

This made me feel so many things. Honestly, it’s thrilling to think about hiding in plain sight like this. 10/10 would recommend public sex with Dean, even if it does mean the occasional scrape from the tree bark.

Nominated by @emilyshurley

Beautiful Ghosts by  @herstarburststories 

Okay picture this, me holding my cup of tea in the morning, crying my eyes out as I’m reading this. Because that’s exactly what happened. 

( Ahh… the angst in this one. This fic left me in tears. Can’t wait to read more parts.) ((submitted twice))

Calm after the storm by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

An adorable Dean fluff. There is something so comforting about how Dean interacts with the reader.

How not to kill someone by @myinconnelly1

A short but chaotic fic and is totally worth the read.

What a wonderful world by @wingedcatninja

The imagery is so great, you can almost feel everything  Sam must be feeling.

A little trip by @mariekoukie6661

Though I have never been inside an Ikea I had a constant smile on my face reading this. And now my face hurts…

Nominated by @waywardnerd67

Mr Pretty Face by @carryonmywaywardcaptain

I want to nominate @carryonmywaywardcaptain Mr. Pretty Face. This was the most adorable fic in the world. Jordan aka Cap is getting her groove back and the world should be graced by her talents! Plus she’s just an awesome person.

Nominated by @sorenmarie87

No More Living A Lie by @fictionalabyss

I know it’s an older fic but the idea of Cas and reader being in a fake relationship (I’d say more but it gives away the story) is fantastic.  

The Real Deal by @firefly-in-darkness

I’m no stranger to reading smut but holy crap!  After a hunt, all you wanna do is sleep but your friend sends you something… and you can’t help yourself.  I don’t know what else to say besides that you should check it out.  

Flesh - January Jingle by @myinconnelly1

I still need to listen to the song this fic is based off of but damn.  This one is great~~ Definitely leaves you wanting more.  

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

Know How It Feels by @supernatural-jackles

I love that one because then the boys would understand what cramps feel like for real!

Some Kind of Sadness by @supernatural-jackles

I love this one because Jen just writes all the emotion so well!!

That’s Alpha or Sir To You, Baby Girl by @sorenmarie87

Dawn worked so hard on this one!! It’s so good!! I just love the fluff and the domestic!!

What’s The Little Guys Name by @sorenmarie87

The Weechester, the little banter between everyone! My heart!! I love this so much!

Nominated by @fictionalabyss

The Way You Lie by @cockslut-padalecki 

 this one hit the nail on the head. How you can know with ever fiber of your being that you need to leave, run, but you find yourself right back there.

Wanna Help A Girl Out? by @sorenmarie87

“Now, will you be a good girl and get on your knees for me?  I believe you owe me something…” that last line had me demanding, nay screaming, for more.

Bikini Inspector  by sorenmarie87 

because sometimes it’s just fun to mess with a guy.

Pineapple and Pizza  by @cloverhighfive 

STILL SCREAMING ABOUT THAT CLIFFHANGER lol. Seriously, though. I don’t dive too deep into ships usually, but I LOVED this little series.

All The Good Girls Go To Hell. (Prologue - chapter 9)  by @cockslut-padalecki 

This fucking series. Holy shit. The smut = perfection and the jealousy and need are on fucking point. Hell yes. this is a must read. a filthy, dirty, must read.

Nominated by @ellewritesfix05​

Don't Test Your Luck  by @downanddirtydean

All the smutty goodness that you could possibly need. The attention to detail, the way it flows seamlessly, the heart-stopping fluff. It’s a total hit and literally one of my favorite fics I’ve ever read! I adore everything Lydia writes and this is simply a must-read.

Homework Help  by @downanddirtydean

Lydia is an amazing writer and talented creator. College-me had a heart attack reading this! It’s so delicious and naughty! 100/10 would recommend!

Life For Rent Chapter 27 by @winchest09

The entirety of Life For Rent is absolutely amazing. Tabby is extremely talented and creative, but this particular chapter is just so wonderfully written, I think it deserves a spotlight. The whole time, you can see yourself in the moment. The way she captures and conveys emotion is nothing short of genius.

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

His Property by @negans-lucille-tblr

I’m nominating this whole dang series, plus both of the sequels!! Yeah, it’s smutty, but it also gets into the psychological issues, especially in the third series, Her Property. There is some possibly triggering content in the first series, which is discussed throughout the second and third, so if that could be a problem, then you might want to skip it. If you’re not easily triggered, though, this is a great story. And the smut is primo, too!!

The Last Visit by @laxe-from-outer-space 

Well, crap, guys. This one just hurts. Talk about taking my heart out back and beating the crap out of it. If you’ve got the tissues handy, definitely give this one a read!

Nominated by @manawhaat

About Bar Fights and Moobs by @cajunquandary

This is a perfect example of the ridiculousness that seems to follow the Winchesters everywhere. This is totally believable and gave me a good laugh.

Keep Me Company by @butiaintgonnaloveem

I’ll never get over how spot on this is for Ketch. It not only shows us a side we don’t get enough of on the show, but it also just shows a whole other side of him that feels so incredibly real and part of his layered persona. 

Calm by @winchesterswoonathon

This is a seriously lovely series about John and all those feelings he has the power to evoke in the people around him. It’s everything I love about him all mashed into a fucking delightful story. 

You Ever by @luci-in-trenchcoats

One of the things I love about Dean is his willingness to be there and help others when they’re having a hard time. He’s the ultimate comfort buddy and this fic is a prime example of his loyalty and sincerity. It’s a little sad but it’s sweet and comforting even in the angst. 

Nominated by @myinconnelly1

The Baby In The Impala by @a-fallen-angel-with-a-shotgun

 DADDY!DEAN!!!! to the max. This was so sweet, I can't even word properly!

One Room Left by @luci-in-trenchcoats

The amount of fluff present in the fic overwhelmed me

Imagine Getting A Sunburn by luci-in-trenchcoats​

Some cute fluff right here and nothing else needs said, read it

Dirty Little Secret by @hardcoresupernatural

 This had the trinity! Hot as fuck, adorable as all get out, and funny as shit. Read it!

Love Me Or Leave Me by @princessmisery666​

 This hurt so much and i wanted to cry. It had that feeling of being real.

Daddy’s A Superhero by @msmarvelouswinchester

Being a parent is hard and hearing a child of any age say they hate you is so hurtful. This was written so well.

Loving You by @emilyshurley​

I will never have enough good things to say about @emilyshurley but this fic was so hurtful and i'm still mad at her.

Finding Dean Masturbating In Your Room by @carryonmywaywardwriters​

 Very dirty and very hot!

Because Of Mistletoe by @idreamofplaid​

Happy half christmas drabble!

Halfway by @holylulusworld​

Dude i was crying so hard.  I just can't even talk about it.

The Frog Prince - or How To Kiss the Impala by holylulusworld

SO CUTE!!!! Absolutely adorable and i love protective!dean

Enough Both Of You by @fictionalabyss​

HOLY FUCKING SHIT this was so dirty and wrong and i love it!

Fatherless Son by fictionalabyss

I really like this series it was exactly what i think of for step!dad Dean!! chef's kiss 

You’re Home Early by fictionalabyss

This was just fun.  They both knew it was bad but they both loved it!

Risky by fictionalabyss

Alright look, if you ever post anything like this again, i want to be tagged.  I will make the fucking time for this every goddamn day!  So wrong, i love it

Finally by @there-must-be-a-lock​

super well written.  it felt so real to the characters and it was incredibly hot

A Huntress In The King of Hell’s Court by @crashdevlin​

I love when time travel is incorporated well in a fic, and this is exactly what i'm talking about!

Fan Mail by @waywardnerd67​

I can't not deal with my emotions on this fic.  It is so fluffy and i'm here for all of it 

One Night Changes Everything by @a-winchester-fairytale​

This ride was so hard i couldn't even comment on ever part.  I just had to rush through the whole thing so i could find out what would happen. 

Mated In The Darkness by @mummybear​

There are not enough words in the world to explain why i loved this fic so much!

Caught In The Act by mummybear

It's smut people.  Its dirty and fucking amazing smut!

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Too Loose And You’ll Lose It

Ch 2- I’m Not Jealous, Why Would I Be Jealous

Co-written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Summary: The Losers run their first mission together since they bust the Child Sex Trafficking Ring a few months ago, and things don’t quite go according to plan, leading to some nasty tension between Jake and Stella. As time progresses the rift increases leading Jake to make a decision about the nature of his and Stella’s relationship, and the consequences of his decision lead Stella to make one of her own…

Warnings: Bad Language words. Some angst and 2 dumbasses so afraid to admit their feelings to one another, they’d rather ignore them completely…

Pairing: Jake Jensen x OFC Stella Stevenson.

A/N:  Yeah, yeah, we’re sorry…but what would our fics be without the standard angst and dumbassery…and let’s face it, Jake IS a total dumbass. A lovable dumbass, but still a dumbass. Also, in this is a lot of Creative License. There’s limited detail about the CIA base online (dur) but I do have a fairly good grasp of UK Military codes and security levels as I worked on a lot of bases so we’re running with that…if it’s not directly the same over in the US then…sorry not sorry!

And yes, our other OC in here is shamelessly basically Mr Evans himself...

TLAYLI Masterlist // Main Masterlist 

 August 2007

“OK Losers, let’s fuck this shit up and get home. I got a date in less than 23 hours.” Clay grinned at Pooch who let out a chuckle.

“You sure don’t wanna miss that…she’s volatile.” Roque’s soft baritone came back over the coms.

“Yeah, which means I’d rather not be late.” Clay replied.

“Good call Clay, I’d hate to be picking up the pieces of you like I had to do with Pooch when he missed Future Mrs Pooch’s birthday last month…”  Jensen replied, looking at Pooch as he sat in the van, laptop open “How is Little Pooch performing since she ripped your balls off?”

Pooch glared at him and elbowed him harshly in the ribs “Ouch, Pooch be gentle!” Jensen rubbed at his side, wincing.

Clay rolled his eyes as Pooch and Jensen started bickering between themselves, Cougar’s soft snickering echoed down the coms from his vantage point perched on the building next door. “Ok, seriously, we’re trying to work here and all I can hear is you lot.” Stella hissed, “Can you focus up?”

“Sorry Arty.” Pooch said, shooting one last glare at Jensen who simply arched an eyebrow and sniffed slightly, tapping at the keyboard.

“And I can see you.” Jensen grinned as the CCTV footage of the inside of the office flicked onto the screen “Wave for the Camera Stel…”

At his words, Stella turned to look at the camera which was above her in the corner of the room and flipped him off. Clay gave a snort.

“That’s not a wave sweetheart.” Jake said and she let out a growl.

“Jensen, I swear to God…”

“Enough you two.” Clay groaned “Roque, Arty get on with it. Cougar, sit-rep on the auction.”

“Still going on…” Cougar obliged “Everyone still in the main room.”

“Jakey…” Stella spoke, and as they watched she began to search the room as Roque kept watch at the door. “Are you sure it’s in here?”

“Yup…” Jensen said “The signal says you’re right by it.”

On the screen Stella paused and looked at the large, ornamental cabinet against the right wall. She stooped to examine the lock and then snorted. “Standard dead bolt.”

“You think they’d be a little more careful…” Pooch mused, watching the footage on the laptop.

“Well to be fair they have a lot of security on the door” Stella replied, and with that hitched the skirt of the tight, figure hugging midnight blue body-con dress she was wearing up slightly and retrieved a tiny device from the top of her stockings.

Jake gave a groan, and then a little yelp as Pooch slapped him round the back of the head. “Pooch man…like, didn’t you see that?”

“Shut up!” Clay said, glaring at him, his eyes then flicking back to the screen as Stella began to wrestle with the lock of the cabinet.

“Boss, they’re wrapping up. Cougar spoke. “The device has sold…I got eyes on our middle man…”

“Ok…” Stella said, and they watched as she gave the little picking device a twist to the right before she sharply jabbed it downwards, then up. Then she gave a little “yes” of triumph and yanked the door open, only to then give a groan of frustration.“Shit.”

“Shit, what’s shit?” Roque asked, and Clay saw him turn back to look at her from where he had been peeking out of the door.

“It’s in a damned case…”  She said, yanking it out and dropping it on the desk, crouching down so she was eyelevel with the locks. “These are harder to pick than a fucking padlock.”

“You got company heading your way.” Cougar spoke “2 guys, armed, approaching from your left.”

“Fuck.” Clay mumbled, as Jensen tapped another button and a smaller viewing box appeared in the top right of the monitor displaying footage of the corridor.

“Want me to drop them boss?” Cougar asked.

“Let’s wait a bit, see if we can get out clean.” Clay said. “But be ready just in case.”

“Got about 40 seconds tops until they turn the corner and I won’t have a shot.”

“Roger.” Clay said

“Once Cougar loses sight we have about another 60 seconds before they hit your position.” Jake said, his eyes flashing as he watched the CCTV of the two men walk down the corridor before his eyes moved back to the larger footage box of the room Stella was in. “Come on Stel…”

“I’m going as fast as I can…” she grumbled, twisting the device in the fiddly locks. One of them sprang open and she hastily moved to the other.

It was deadly silent, Jensen holding his breath as his nerves started to get the better of him. Roque and Stella were both unarmed, they had to be to get into the auction in the first place. The only reason Stella had managed to get that lock pick in through the metal detectors was that it was made out of a specialist, plastic resin. His right hand rested over his mouth, fingers pulling at the whiskers on his goatee as his knee began to jerk slightly.

“Ok I got it…” Stella said, and she grabbed the large, metal hard-drive, flipping it over. “Jake now what?”

“The back should screw off.” He said, watching as she flipped it over, dropped it on the desk and hastily worked at the screw positioned at the top.

“I lost sight.” Cougar said.

“Ok, grab the drive and get of there.” Clay instructed and at that point Roque spun back into the room, making to pick it up but Stella slapped his hand away.

“Arty, what…”

“If we do that we’ve no chance of tracking this back via the middle man to the buyer…” she shook her head, still working at the screw.

“Our priority was retrieving the device.” Clay said, “The buyer is a bonus.”

“Stella, do what he says.” Jake said, swallowing nervously “Get out of there, now!”

“No, I almost got this…” Stella mumbled and with a final twist of her wrist the back sprang open. Quick as a flash the three men in the truck watched as Roque pulled off his watch, twisted the back of it and retrieved the data chip inside, handing it to Arty.

“Lift up the large, flat circuit board in the middle.” Jake said, and she followed his instructions, quickly swapping the chips out. She then hastily screwed the back on before jamming it back in the case. She snapped the lock shut, before she rammed it back in the cupboard.

“30 seconds…” Jake muttered, “Stel…come on…”

She didn’t reply, instead she quickly locked the cabinet door and Roque grabbed her hand and they ran into the corridor, running in the opposite direction to the approaching danger.

Jensen hit a button, flipping the footage of the corridor so it filled the screen and felt his blood run cold. He could see the corridor was long. And there was no way Roque and Stel would make it to the corner at the bottom before the men spotted them.

“They’re not gonna make it…” he muttered, and all 3 of them in the van stood up, grabbing their guns.

“Cougar…” Clay instructed as they emerged from the van.

“I’m by the gates” he said simply and Clay cocked his gun.

“Roque, Arty try and hide until we get in there…” he said simply as they sprinted across the road towards where Cougar was waiting, all the time listening to the chatter on the coms.

“Door, door…” Roque muttered “Shit it’s locked…”

“Roque…” Stella hissed.

“What?”

“Shut up and…”

Her voice cut off and Jensen heard a noise on his comms, a noise that sounded very much like…

Oh hell, no.

“Are they…is she…” he looked at Pooch as besides him Cougar started chuckling “Are they kissing?” Jensen wheeled round to look at Clay “Tell me, that’s not kissing I can hear!”

Clay shrugged as Jensen pulled a face, making a disgusted snort through his nose. “Stel, are you kissing Roque? What the fuck-“

“Hey, what the hell are you 2 doing back here?” an unfamiliar voice sounded in Jensen’s ears, followed by the loud noise of lips smacking and he looked at Pooch, his mouth hanging open.

“Sorry…we just…erm…” Stella giggled, “Yeah, we…”

“Can’t keep my hands off her” Roque chuckled, and Jensen couldn’t help the growl that bubbled from his throat at the words “Can you blame me? She’s a stunner, right?”

“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t be back here.”

“I know, we’re really sorry…I guess, well, I guess the excitement and the champagne…just got me a little…” Stella trailed off, giggling again.

Pooch grinned as Cougar winked at Jensen who’s jaw was set. He could picture exactly the face Stella was making, batting her eyelids all innocently, biting her lip.

And she’d just kissed Roque.

Fucker.

“Go on, get out of here…” the man’s voice instructed Roque and Stella and Roque said something back that Jensen didn’t quite catch as he pulled his ear piece out and turned off his coms link.

“Ok, back to the van.” Clay ordered, looking around at Pooch, Cougar and Jensen, who’s expression looked like that of a bulldog licking piss of a nettle. As the 4 of them headed back down the small lane to the non-descript Cable Company van, Clay shared a glance with Pooch who simply raised his eyebrows. Over the past 3 months since Stella had moved to the base in Virginia, the dynamic between her and Jensen had been the subject of immense puzzlement for the team. Stella had assured Clay when she joined that whatever had been going on was over, as they hadn’t seen each other for a year, but it was clear to see that them being in such close proximity of one another had thrown fuel on the allegedly damp fire.

For all intents and purposes the team basically agreed that they might as well actually be dating. They spent their evenings together, watched movies, went home for the same weekends… the whole “friends with benefits” thing they had going on was also complete bullshit as neither of them was seeing anyone else. Clay got the distinct impression, however, that Jensen was the driving force behind it not being official but here he was acting like a total brat because she’d had to kiss Roque as part of her cover. It was fucking ridiculous, but until either of them ended it or admitted their feelings, there was nothing he could do.  

“We’re out. Heading to you now.” Stella sounded in his ear just as Jensen opened the rear door to the van.

“Good.” He said with a smile as he climbed into the back of the can. “Nice work guys. All of you, job well done.” He said, nodding.

“Yeah, especially you Roque from the sounds of things!” Pooch quipped and Cougar gave a snort as Jensen slammed the ruggedized laptop shut.

“Watch it, that’s worth more than your annual pay check.” Clay pointed at Jensen, then to the laptop.

“Ah don’t mind him Clay, he’s just a little jealous.” Pooch teased.

“Jealous? I’m not jealous.” Jake said, far too quickly “Why would I be jealous?”

“Because Roque just totally tongued your girl” Cougar grinned, making Pooch snigger. Clay rolled his eyes.

“She’s not my girl.” Jensen snapped, and at that exact moment the door to the van slid open. Jensen turned to look at Stella, and he inwardly groaned as he knew full well from the expression on her face she’d heard him. But her outward slip was quick, and she recovered herself fast, stepping into the van closely flowed by Roque.

“Oooh, someone kissed someone.” Pooch grinned and Roque glared at him.

“What are you, 5?”

Stella flopped onto one of the fold down seats in the back, and took the water Clay handed her with a mumbled thanks.

“You ok?” he asked her.

“Yeah.” She nodded “I’m fine. Was just a close one.”

“Can say that again.” Pooch said and Stella rolled her eyes.

“Alright, knock it off.” Clay said, looking at her and then to Jensen who looked like a sulky teenager, and it was too good an opportunity to miss, so with a smirk he added “Otherwise Jensen’s gonna have a fit and as annoying as he is, we need him.”

“Like he cares.” Stella mumbled, and Jake glared at her, positively shooting daggers with his eyes across the van.

Roque chuckled, more amused at Jensen’s attitude than anything “Well if he doesn’t care he’s an idiot. You’re a damned good kisser Arty.”

Stella looked at him, and raised her eyebrow. “Glad I met with your approval Roque.”

Cougar nudged her and she looked at him as he nodded towards Roque, tipping his hat slightly “How was it for you?”

“A solid 7 and a half outta 10.” She shrugged and Clay, Pooch and Cougar erupted into laughter at Roque’s indignant look.

“7 and a half?”

“I docked half a point for the fact you bumped your head into mine…” she shrugged “And it would have been a 9 if you’d felt my ass.”

Pooch banged on the dash of the van, howling with laughter as Clay chuckled deeply, shaking his head. Cougar grinned at Roque who himself gave a snort, and Stella turned her head to look at Jake. Her eyes locked onto his to find him simply looking at her, not a shred of amusement on his face. Eventually he raised his eyebrows and looked away, taking a deep breath.

Stella rolled her eyes and swallowed. Ok, that had been a bit out of order, but hearing what he had said just before had hurt her. Yes, she knew she wasn’t ‘his girl’, she hadn’t been for a while but if she was honest she was struggling with that, and was fast coming to the conclusion that she couldn’t keep doing what she was doing.

The trouble was, she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to end it.

*****

As it turns out, the decision was taken out of Stella’s hands. Upon return to base, the relationship between her and Jake grew increasingly icy over the following week or so. They had no contact outside of work, and even in work it was civil at best. Stella was angry at Jake’s behaviour, how pathetic he was being over the whole Roque thing, a kiss that had been nothing more than an undercover distraction, but more than anything she was hurt. It was clear to her that he didn’t care about her like he used to. Things had already shifted between them dramatically since that evening a few months ago back home after they’d been out for drinks with Pooch and Jolene. He’d become a little more aloof so to speak, and whilst they still hung out, did all the things they used to do as best friends, and still fucked, she’d noticed how he was less affectionate before and after. Almost like he had deliberately put up a wall to remind her that this was simply an arrangement, so in her mind, especially after his outburst in the van following the latest mission, he had absolutely no right to be pissed at her for kissing or going with anyone, regardless. But, after a fortnight or so of being treated to Jake’s cold stares, being intentionally ignored in conversations, and being subjected to watching him attempting to flirt with any female he came across, Stella went into self-preservation mode and avoided hanging around with any of them outside of work as much as she could.

August ticked into September, and it was almost a month or so after the mission when Clay rocked into the little office the Losers used on the base and Stella smiled at him, looking up from a report she had been writing on a couple of recruits she’d been asked to train.

“I didn’t know you were back.” She smiled as he perched on the edge of her desk.

“Got in this morning.” He replied, “Where’s the rest of the team?”

“Pooch is on Drill Ops, Cougar is on the shooting range and as for Jensen, your guess is as good as mine. I haven’t spoken to him in ages. In fact, I don’t even know if he’s in the State or not.”

“Still?” Clay groaned “Oh come on Arty, don’t you think this has gone on long enough? When are you gonna sort stuff out?”

“When he grows up and apologises for being a jerk.”

“So basically never.” Clay rolled his eyes.

Stella shrugged “I don’t want to talk about it Clay.”

“Fine, whatever.” Clay sighed, “Do you reckon you could at least try to be civil though? It’s gonna make running this team hard work if you two are at each other’s throats. And I don’t wanna have to ask one of you to leave.”

She looked at him, and he stuck his bottom lip out and she sighed before she turned back to her computer “I’ll think about it.”

“Suppose that’s better than a flat out ‘Fuck off, Clay…” he rolled his eyes, hopping off the desk and ruffling her hair. Stella ducked out of the way, swatting at his hand. “Oh, before I go, you got the reports on the Atlanta job?”

“Yeah, they’re in the Red Link area…” Stella pushed her chair back and stood up, smoothing down her uniform top before she gestured for Clay to follow her. Together they made their way down the corridor and Stella stopped at a high-security door, bending down so the scanner pad could take her retina print. Once inside the door shut behind her, and she swiped her ID into the slot to the side of the other thick, glass door which opened in front of her. She moved into the main room and turned, waiting for Clay to enter behind her.

“I fucking hate those things.” Clay mumbled as he stepped through the entrance. “They make me feel like I’m about to plummet through the floor into Thunderbird one.”

Stella chuckled “Its top secret, classified info Clay, you know this.”

She strode over to the key safe positioned on the wall, punched in the code and then selected the relevant key. Clay followed her to the a cabinet at the back which she unlocked and pulled out a Manilla file with the words “MILITARY SECRET- CLASSIFIED” Stamped all over, and the words “Operation Bon Echo” underneath. She handed it to him and then grinned.

“I don’t need to tell you that ya can’t take that outta this room do I?” she teased and Clay shot her a look.

“Stel, I been running Military ops since you were knee high to a grass hopper.” He arched an eyebrow and she laughed.

“Do you want me to stay so we can go through it or…” “No.” he shook his head “I just want to read it now it’s not that fresh in my mind. Helps me analyse it a little better. I’ll call an official Lessons Learned at some point.”

“Ok, well when you’re done make sure you lock up.” She said. “And don’t forget to make sure you swipe your ID again on the way out, or the system will still think you’re here.” “Grasshopper.” Clay looked at her again and she laughed.

“I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t check.” She smiled “I’ll catch you later.”

Clay waved her off and Stella let herself out. Deciding that she could do with a break she wandered out of the Original Headquarters building she was stationed passing the Kryptos sculpture in the little courtyard and made her way down through the landscaped garden area where a few people were milling around, sat at the various benches, taking in the bright early September Sun that had settled over Virginia. She passed the main entrance to the CIA Museum and made her way over to the Starbucks near the New HQ building. More people were sat outside on the benches and she felt herself inwardly groan as she recognised 3 of them. Pooch, Cougar and Jensen. Of course.

“Hey Arty!” Pooch called and she smiled, making her way over “We were just talking about you.”

“Sounds ominous.” She said, her eyes focussed on him to avoid looking at Jensen.

“We ain’t seen you properly in weeks.” Cougar leaned back in his chair, his hat as always perched on his head.

“Well I’ve been busy” she shrugged, “And speaking of which, I gotta get back so...” she gestured to the door of the Starbucks and smiled.

“Movie and pizza on Friday?” Pooch asked “Jolene’s coming here this weekend, sure she’d be pleased to see you.” “Yeah, maybe.” Stella nodded. Pooch flashed her a smile, as did Cougar, before she turned and walked away.

“So now you’re not even speaking? At all?” Pooch looked at Jensen who shrugged, picking at the label on his Starbucks cup. The words “Glasses” had been scribbled on the side by the barista as a means of identifying who the coffee belonged to. They weren’t allowed to ask the Agents’ names so instead they usually provided physical descriptors of something around their appearance when ordering. Cougars usually bore the word “Cowboy” given that he was rarely without his black Stetson and Pooch’s held the words “Eight Ball” on account of him being that closely shorn he was almost bald. Jake had found it amusing at the time when he’d offered that up to the pretty girl behind the counter…

“You’re being a pain in the ass.” Pooch glared at him. “And a buzzkill.”

“How, what…why am I a buzzkill?” Jensen looked at him, frowning.

“Cos she’s not hanging around with us anymore because you’re being a prick.” Cougar shot back, picking up his coffee and taking a sip.

Jensen ignored Cougar, as he placed the cup down on the table, his finger absentmindedly trailing round the rim of the plastic lid. He knew he’d fucked up. He could remember the hurt in Stella’s eyes when she had opened the door in the van to hear him protesting how she wasn’t his girl. He’d been pissed off, and had snapped it out in a moment of frustration and anger but deep down he knew that it wasn’t true. Well, it was true…she wasn’t his girl anymore, because of decision he had made years ago, a decision that he’d come to with the best of intentions but knowing that didn’t make it any easier.

What hurt him more than anything now, however, was the realisation he’d come to that night of the mission as he’d led in the hotel room. He was still dragging her along with every damned decision he made, and the more he thought about it the more he realised that had been the case through the entire time they’d known one another. They started dating when he finally plucked up the courage to ask her out. They quit because he decided it was right. Then the ‘arrangement’ they had was something he came up with, because it suited him and he’d been selfish, well and truly had his cake and eaten it. She played along with his decisions every damned time and that made him feel like shit. Because she was such a strong, vibrant, stubborn person in every other area of her life. She was fierce, took no shit, she was a fucking bad ass…and the only explanation for her allowing him to be the way he was, was that she loved him, like really loved him. And he didn’t deserve her.

He knew what he had to do, he had to end their arrangement although he was pretty sure it was at an end anyway. Maybe his outburst in the van had been a blessing in disguise. But that said, she was still the best friend he’d ever had, the person he cared about most in the world and he didn’t want her to hate him to the extent she didn’t want to speak to him ever again. He might be a dumbass but he wasn’t stupid, and he certainly wasn’t naive enough to think that things could ever go back to how they were before they’d dated, but he had to try and salvage something…even if it was simply so that she could actually bring herself to hold a conversation.

**** Stella was sat on her sofa, munching on a bag of popcorn when there was a knock on her door. Given that no one had buzzed through, that meant it was someone who lived in the block that housed The Losers’ CIA Owned Condos. Pressing pause on her remote, temporarily halting Simba’s pouncing lesson she padded over to the door and checked through the viewer. When she saw who it was she gave a deep breath and debated not answering it, before she gave her head a shake and mentally told herself to grow up.

“Since when have you started knocking on my door?” she asked, opening it “You usually just walk in…”

“Well given how things have been between us I wasn’t sure you’d appreciate me using my key.” He smiled at her. “Can I come in?”

Stella turned around and headed back inside her condo, “You want a beer?”

“No, it’s ok. Thanks. I errr, I wanna talk to you.”

“Sounds serious?” she turned back to look at him as she crossed towards her sofa. She perched where she had been previously sat, tucking her legs up besides her and Jake took a seat a few cushions down, nodding at the TV.

“You must know this off by heart by now.”

“You know full well I do.”

“Yeah, that and every other damned Disney film out there.” he snorted and she grinned, before she took a deep breath.

“I’m pretty certain you didn’t come over to discuss my Disney obsession Jake.”

“Yeah, erm…” Jensen cleared his throat. “I came to apologise. I’ve been an ass, a childish ass, and I’m sorry.”

Stella looked at him, before she took a deep breath, but she didn’t speak so he carried on.

“I want us to be friends again.” He said gently and she studied him for a moment before she sighed and gave him a soft smile, reaching for his hand.

“I’m sorry too Jake.” She said, licking her lips “I haven’t exactly behaved like a grown up either…and I’ve missed you.”

Jensen looked at her, and saw her eyes were shining and he knew she wasn’t getting him. He let out a soft sigh and hung his head and instantly her hand moved from his, reading his body language and signs as she always could.

“Jakey, what’s wrong?” she asked softly and he raised his head to look at her and he shook it gently side to side. God, she was making this so damned hard.

“I think you got me wrong Stel…” his eyes locked onto hers, his voice soft.

“What do you mean?” she frowned “I thought you wanted things to go back to how they were?”

“I do, but…not like that.” He shook his head “This thing between us, this…arrangement…I think its best we stop.”

Stella felt a wave of cold crashing over her and she temporarily froze as she realised that this was it, his final admission that his feelings for here were nothing more than friendly, that she was nothing more than a convenient way for him to simply get his dick wet from time to time. And now she wasn’t even that.

“Stel?” Jake said softly and she blinked a little, pulling herself together. She gave him the best smile she could muster and nodded.

“If that’s what you want.”

“I think it’s for the best” Jake chose his words carefully, because it wasn’t what he wanted, and despite himself, even now, he couldn’t lie to her.

“Ok.” She nodded, giving him another small smile.

“Hey, we had a good run.” He said, attempting to break the tension and she rolled her eyes.

“You’re a jerk.” She shook her head, and he shrugged.

“I know.”

There was a moment’s pause, and for the first time Jensen could remember, it was fucking awkward. And he had to get out of there. “I err, I should…” her gestured over his shoulder towards the door with his thumb and Stella nodded.

“Sure.” She agreed “I got a film to finish so…”

“I’ll leave you to it.” He said, standing. “Buy you a coffee tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Stella smiled.

He nodded to her, his hand falling to her shoulder as he stood up, giving it a squeeze.

Stella just managed to hold her tears back long enough for him to shut the door behind him.

***** Things between the two of them settled down after that, but there was a shift, that didn’t go unnoticed by them or the rest of the team for that matter. The once best friends turned lovers turned best friends with benefits now had to navigate simply being buddies. It was odd for them both but they managed to remain on good terms.  Not great, but good. They could hold a conversation, laugh, joke…the team was happier because of it. But there were no movie nights, no time spent alone. Neither wanted themselves put in that position, this was the new normal for Jake and Stella now, just how it had to be. It hurt them both- after so long, of course it would…but it was better than nothing.

Another month ticked over, and October brought some cooler weather. The leaves on the trees turned to their firey reds, golds and yellows announcing that Fall had arrived, and brought with it Stella’s favourite thing of the season…pumpkin spiced lattes.

“You have an unhealthy addiction to those things…” Pooch grinned as she picked up the coffee from the counter.

“Best thing about Fall.” She shrugged, turning to leave. She instantly collided with a wall of solid muscle and her precious latte went cascading down the front of her uniform and the crisp, white shirt of the unfortunate man she had collided with.

“Shit!” he yelled and Stella’s hand flew to her mouth

“Oh my God, I’m so, so sorry!” she looked at the man, instantly noticing the deep, blue eyes that looked back at her. They were shining with a natural, kind natured glint and she swallowed as the man sighed, and shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said, his voice deep “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

Stella placed the now half-empty cup down on the side, and took the pile of napkins Pooch handed to her.

“Thanks…” she mumbled, before she offered them to the man.

“What, you’re not gonna wipe it down for me?” he winked and she gave a snort before she chuckled a little, shaking her head.

“I think I’m in enough trouble as it is, don’t you?” she smiled and he gave another chuckle, as he dabbed at his shirt which had now started to go a little see through thanks to it being wet. A not entirely unpleasant turn of events in Stella’s opinion. She scanned him up and down quickly, taking in his sharp navy suit, shiny shoes, black tie before she looked back at his face which sported an immaculately trimmed beard, sharp nose and jawline, brow furrowed in concentration as he focussed on cleaning his shirt up.

“No trouble.” He flashed her a smile that lit up his handsome face, his eyes crinkling slight in the corner and Stella swallowed a little, surprised to find her stomach fluttering ever so slightly with butterflies.

“I err, I should go…” she nodded. “I’m sorry again.”

“Like I said, don’t worry about it.”

She gave him another smile, the heat in her necks and cheeks unbearable, before she picked up what was left of her latte and along with Pooch exited the store.

“Ok, so he just totally watched you leave.” Pooch nudged her and she shook her head.

“Stop!”

“Girl he was eye fucking you!” Pooch snorted “And you were eye fucking him!”

“I was not…” she protested, before he looked at her and she laughed, shaking her head “Ok, maybe I was…a little. Girl can look, right?”

“Hey, no judgement from me!” Pooch smiled “You’re young, free, single…”

“Yeah…” Stella sighed, stealing a look over her shoulder taking in the mystery man from behind “That I am. Thanks for the reminder.”

“You know you could just tell him how you feel.” Pooch gently suggested as they walked towards the entrance of their building.

“What?” Stella looked at him. “How I feel? I just, literally bumped into the guy.”

“I don’t mean him, I mean Jensen.”

“What? Why would you…” Stella looked at Pooch who raised an eyebrow at her. She shook her head “That’s done, it’s over. He ended it, again, and this time it’s a clean break. I’m not raking over old ground, Pooch. Nothing good comes of it.”

Pooch looked at her as he swiped his access card, pulling the door open and allowing Stella to step into the building in front of him. She headed down the corridor, her camouflage clad shoulders slumped a little and Pooch sighed.

“Pair of dumbasses.” He mumbled to himself, as he headed after her towards the office.

***** The good thing about Arty and Jensen being on speaking terms was that their team social events were lighter in atmosphere, and at the end of the week when Clay suggested a few beers they all accepted.

It was the Friday before Halloween, and The Losers were gathered in a bar not far from their Condo building. It was packed full of people, some in fancy dress, some not. The bar itself was decked out in Halloween decorations, Jack-O-Lanterns spaced along the dark wood bar and on the taller tables at the sides of the room. As Roque and Clay came back from the bar with drinks for the team, they handed them out and Clay paused as Jensen had picked up the lantern from their table. He held it next to his face and arranged his features into a grin and Pooch snorted as Jensen placed it back down, picking up his beer.

“I take it from the fact you’re back that your pick up line didn’t work on that nurse.” Pooch looked at Jensen who shrugged.

“What was it this time?” Clay asked “Did you use the ‘did it hurt when you fell from heaven’ line or was it more of a ‘I’m a trained, lethal killing machine, wanna see my weapon’ kinda moment?”

Cougar, Roque and Pooch snorted, whilst Cougar looked at Arty who was studying the label on her beer bottle “Tell me you didn’t fall for anything like that?” he quipped.

“JJ never used a chat-up line on me, Coug.” She shrugged and Jake looked at her.

“I was 11 when we met, Stel.” He arched an eyebrow “11 year olds don’t use chat-up lines.”

“We didn’t start dating until we were 17.” She looked at him, taking a swig from her bottle.

“Exactly, six years later. Didn’t need one.” He winked. She rolled her eyes before she grinned.

“Actually, you kinda used one once…but we’d already been dating for 10 months by that point.”

Jensen frowned “What?”

“Prom night. When you told me the house was empty because you’d told your dad to scram for the evening...”

“Awww, did you pop his cherry, Stel?” Pooch grinned and Stella smiled in response.

“Hey, I popped hers too.” Jake chipped in.

“I feel like I should be congratulating you or something.” Clay said, causing the team to laugh and Stella rolled her eyes.

“It wasn’t some big mission, Clay…” She looked at him and Jensen snorted.

“It felt like it.” He placed his bottle on the table before he smirked “I had to get my dad to make sure the house was empty.”

That entire day was imprinted on his brain, fresh as if it had happened only yesterday…but in that moment he was taken back to the conversation with his dad as he stood in the living room, just before heading out to pick Stella up.

“Hey dad…” Jake looked up as John walked into the room. “Will anyone be home when I get back?”

John Jensen looked at his son, arching an eyebrow “I know your game…” Jake shrugged and grinned. “Just…oh, I dunno, just be careful ok? I’ll take your mom out for a drink but I can’t promise we’ll be out late.”

“That’s ok.” Jake said, “Me and Stel aint planning on staying too long anyway. Just long enough to see who spikes the punch or starts the first fight.”

“As long as it ain’t you.” His dad looked at him and Jake grinned.

“Hey, I’m a lover not a fighter.”

“Yeah, sure you can kill ‘em all with love when you join the army.” John snorted and Jake shrugged.

“Come here, let me sort your tie…” John sighed, stepping forward to straighten the knot. “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m asking you this but…you got any condoms son?”

“A few.” Jake shrugged.

At that John laughed “ A few? I admire your optimism.” He paused and then narrowed his eyes “Did you steal them from my stash?”

“No I bought em, Jesus…” Jake groaned “Like I needed that image.”

“Yeah because the image of my 18 year old son banging his childhood sweetheart is so much better.” John rolled his eyes.

“You and mom are like a hundred or whatever.” Jake looked at him, pulling a disgusted face “It’s gross.”

“Ok.. Now listen to me. If your mother finds out you’re…you know…this conversation, never happened.” John stepped back “You hear me?”

“Loud and clear pops.” Jake nodded “You know though, Stel’s stayed here before. Mom didn’t seem to mind.” “That’s because your mother never heard you hitting each base like I did. She thinks Stella stays in the spare room, whereas I know full well she stays with you and then sneaks back in there before everyone gets up…”

His dad had come through for him. He house was empty when they got back. His mom had actually been cool about it all as well to be fair, she loved Stella, still did as a matter of fact. As the memory of the morning after their first time came back to him, he grinned and looked at Arty.

“Remember mom knocking on my door in the morning, asking if she was bringing 2 cups of coffee in or 1?”

“Fuck, yes.” Stella snored “I nearly died of embarrassment.”

“But she never bothered putting you in the spare room again.” He winked as the group laughed. “Good times.”

“Yeah, yeah they were.” Stella sighed, before her eyes fell back to her bottle of beer, biting back the snipe she had brewing in her mind.

Before you fucked it all up…

“Hey…” Pooch nudged her and she looked at him, noticing he was watching something at the bar “Aint that flash coffee dude?”

“What?” Stella asked, her eyes snapping to where Pooch was looking “Oh yeah.”

“Who’s flash coffee dude?” Clay asked.

“Guy at the bar in the grey sweater.” Pooch said, grinning “Arty spilt a pumpkin spiced latte all down his shirt. He didn’t seem to mind though, was too busy undressing her with his eyes.”

At that Jake’s head snapped up and he looked over at the man who was stood with another guy a little shorter than him, chatting as he perched effortlessly on one of the high stools, his long jean clad legs stretching out in front of him, right foot resting on the rail at the bottom.

“That’s Evan Christianson.” Roque said “He works in Intel.”

“What kind of a dick name is that?” Jensen snorted

“Who cares?” Stella said, her eyes still on the man “With a body and face like that he can be called what the fuck he wants. Look at his poise…”

“You know…” Cougar took a pull of his beer “I’m not gay but I’m considering giving it a go.”

They all laughed bar Jensen who was studying the man Stella seemed to have the hots for. He wasn’t surprised at all to feel that green eyed monster stirring in his belly, but what could he do? They were free agents, it wasn’t like he expected her to stay single forever. He stole a look at Stella who was smirking a little at something Cougar had just said, shaking her head.

“Absolutely not, I’ll make a tit of myself.” She protested.

“You already did that when you spilt coffee all down him.” Pooch smirked “Don’t be a pussy.”

Stella bit her lip, weighing up her options. Should she? Could she? In the corner of her eye she saw Jake turn away, and momentarily felt a flash of guilt before she shook herself out of it.

He doesn’t want you anymore…

“Oh fuck it…” She shrugged, and grabbing her beer she headed off in the direction of the bar.

“Where is she going?” Jake asked.

“Don’t be a dumbass Jensen.” Roque smirked “It’s obvious.”

The men watched as Stella reached Evan and gently tapped his shoulder. He spun round and flashed her a huge grin, showing immaculate white teeth as he said something to her.

“Why is he smiling at her like that?” Jensen demanded and Clay looked at Pooch.

Cougar snorted “He likes her.”

“No shit Cougs…” Roque looked at him.

“Oh, he’s buying her a drink…” Pooch said, as Evan nodded towards Stella’s beer and then turned towards the bar tender.

“We have lift off boys!” Clay grinned, and the group smirked at one another, before they turned away, not wanting to watch or intrude. Jensen’s eyes, however, remained where they were until Clay slapped him on the shoulder.

“Cheer up Jensen.” He said gently

“I’m not…I don’t need to cheer up.” Jake shrugged, turning back to his beer. His eyes flickered around the bar then, deliberately avoiding the two of them stood at the bar before he focussed in on the Nurse he’d been talking to before he rolled his shoulders back and stated “Innabit losers, I got stuff to do.”

He headed across the bar towards the blonde and the remaining 4 men all looked at one another before shrugging, and continuing with their conversation. But Clay, always the leader, made sure to keep one eye on them both.

****

“It should be me buying you a drink.” Stella smiled and Evan laughed.

“Well what kind of gentleman would that make me?”

“The kind who had a hot cup of coffee spilt on him by a clumsy ass Captain who wasn’t watching where she was going.”

“Well, if I was the type of guy to use a pick up line, I’d tell you I was impressed that the clumsy, but might fine ass, belongs to a Captain.” He smiled and Stella grinned, her ego stoked a little at the veiled compliment to both her appearance and rank.

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” She flirted back, thanking him as the bar tender slid their drinks over to them.

“I hope so.” He winked, taking a pull from his bottle. “I’m Evan by the way.”

“Evan Christianson, yeah I know.” She smiled, taking a drink herself and he looked at her, his eyebrow raised “Roque told me.”

“Oh you know Roque?”

“Yeah. We worked together under Clay.” She nodded to her team where they were all stood round their table, noticing that Jensen wasn’t with them. But before she could think anymore of it Evan spoke again, as he raised his beer to Roque who did the same in acknowledgement.

“Small world.” He smiled at Arty. “So, do I get to know your name or…”

“It’s Stella.” She smiled, “Stella Stevenson, or as that lot call me Arty…”

“Let me guess, short for Artois, like the drink.” He smiled and she laughed, nodding. “Well, Stella or Arty, pleased to meet you. Again.”

“I promise to try not to spill a drink on you this time.” She smiled and Evan gave a little chuckle.

“Well I am partial to a pumpkin spiced latte, prefer to drink them though not wear them if I can help it.”

“I thought you wore it pretty well to be fair.” Stella smiled and he raised an eyebrow, a cheeky glint flashed in his eyes.

“That so?”

She bit her lip and turned back to her drink, picking it up and taking a big sip, smiling to herself as she felt Evan’s eyes studying her face.

From there the conversation began to flow. Evan told her a bit about him, his role in the Intel branch, how he’d himself been in the Navy having worked his way up to Commander by the time he was 30 before leaving a few years back to join the CIA. He was a few years older than her at thirty-five, and hailed from Boston, although Arty had sussed that anyway through his accent. She in turn told him about her life, her career and a little about her family. He seemed interested, genuinely. Asked her questions, answered hers as he bought another couple of drinks, each time declining Stella’s offer to pay.

It was a surprise to her just how easy the conversation and gentle flirting came to her. Whilst her and Jensen hadn’t been together or badged as exclusive, she hadn’t had any kind of relationship since he’d ended things with her 5 years or so ago. She hadn’t been interested, but here…well, she was finding that interest piqued.

A few hours later she left the bar with a smile on her face…and Evan Christianson’s number safely stored in her phone.

[13-reasons-ideas]

I love that you’re one of the few writers that will write about Monty. I don’t support what he did but I love how much of a complex character do you think you could do a imagine where the reader used to date Monty but broke up bc of his recklessness. She started dating Justin but found out he cheated on her by hooking up with Jessica. Then Monty sneaks into her bedroom window and comforts her and it’s fluffy

“I’m sorry Montgomery.”

“Why (Y/N)?”

“I just can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep watching you self-destruct. I thought that when we got together, that maybe you would stop? That you would realize that your reckless behaviour had to come to an end? You’re an adult now. Your behaviour has actual, real consequences.”

“Self-destruct? You think that’s what it is?”

“I don’t know Monty. That’s just it. You don’t let me in. I never know what is going on in your head. I get you don’t like talking about stuff, but when you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re supposed to talk to them.”

“This is stupid.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way. But you can’t sit here and tell me you haven’t seen this coming. Your behaviour needs to change. Your recklessness needs to stop. Before you do something you really regret or gets you hurt. Or worse. I just can’t be around to see it.”

“(Y/N) please. I’m trying.” He said, grabbing my hand.

“I really am sorry Montgomery. I hope you figure things out.” I smiled sadly at him before walking away, trying my damnedest to hold back tears. I couldn’t bring myself to look back.

TWO MONTHS LATER

I walked into school with my bag slung haphazardly over my shoulder, listening to a podcast on my phone. Before I could make my way to my locker, I was stopped abruptly by a blue and white jacket, causing me to stumble.

“Oof.” I grunted.

“Shit, sorry.” I heard Justin Foley, er… Jensen. Foley-Jensen? say.

“Yeah, whatever.” I replied, trying to walk away from him. Birds of a feather flock together. Same principle for jocks.

“Actually hey (Y/N). Wait up a second.”

I stopped and turned to him, “yes Justin? What can I do for you?”

“Well, when you put it that way, you can let me take you to dinner on Saturday.” He told me, rather than asked. I think I saw his chest puff out a bit.

“Uh, let me think for a minute about that.” I said, fully intending to say no. Suddenly I saw a familiar flannel shirt coming towards us. Making a show of thinking about it before responding, “pick me up at 7. I’ll text you my address.” I turned and walked away. Behind me I could practically hear Montgomery ringing Justin’s neck in his head. As I made my way to physics, I felt someone’s eyes on me. I didn’t need to turn to know who was watching.

Justin kept his word and was outside my house at 6:55 on Saturday. My mom let him in as I was grabbing my coat from my room. “Samantha is just about ready Justin, why don’t you have a seat.” I heard her say to him. Oh no, not the seat trick.

Running out of my room with my coat, I yelled, “that’s okay mom. I’m ready. He doesn’t need to sit.” When I got to the top of the stairs, I stopped. “Hey Justin.”

“Hey Sam.” He waved, “you look pretty tonight.”

I giggled quietly, “thanks.” I haven’t giggled in a long time. Pulling on a pair of worn chucks, I pulled on my coat and Justin led me out to the car. “Bye Mom. Don’t wait up.”

We joked around in the car a bit on the way to the restaurant. “Wait, so you actually told Clay that you’re a ‘fucking awesome driver’ and he believed you? Clay?”

“Yes. And I am, or had you not noticed?” He confirmed, motioning to the steering wheel with one hand.

“No, no I noticed. I’m just surprised Clay agreed. It took him like eight years to acknowledge you as more than ‘that kid’ or ‘ew Justin’.”

“Well, detoxing in a guy’s bedroom can do things to your relationship.”

“You puked on his bed, didn’t you?”

“Yeah… not my finest moment. At least it wasn’t Tony’s jacket.”

“Meh, happens to the best of us. Sometimes it happens. You’re right though. If it was Tony’s jacket, he would have killed you so you were all dead.”

“As opposed to?”

“Just mostly dead.”

Justin laughed heartily at the cheesy joke, “That was a good movie.”

We arrived at the local Italian restaurant and Justin was a wonderful gentleman. He opened my door for me, and we walked hand in hand to the door, which he also opened for me. After we were seated and had ordered, we continued our conversation from the car. “So, skipping over the ‘I was friends with Bryce Walker and that was a time’ thing, who are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we’ve known each other since we were in middle school and all I know about you is you’re a jock, you were friends with Bryce, you dated Jessica Davis, and you were adopted by the Jensen’s for reasons I don’t think we need to discuss too much right now.”

“What do you want to know?”

“What do you like?”

“Like in general?”

“Yes. What does Justin like?”

“Hmmm… okay. Justin likes crappy movies.”

“Okay. What else do you like?”

“Annoying Clay.”

“Well that’s a given. Something I don’t know please?”

“You.” He responded, taking a sip of his water.

I blushed, and played with a strand of my hair, “oh?”

“Yeah. Why else would I have asked you to dinner?”

“I don’t know. You didn’t want to go to a restaurant by yourself?”

“Oh, sweetie. I wouldn’t just ask you for that. I would bring Clay or something. Or put my big boy pants on and come by myself.”

“Okay, okay. I believe you.” I surrendered as our meals came. I tried to hold back a very not first date appropriate moan as I took a bite. My eyes widened instead and Justin chuckled. At least, until he had a bite of his own food. His eyes widened and rolled back slightly. Wow. That’s… wow.

After a few more bites of the wonderful food, Justin directed his attention back to me, “what about you?”

“What about me?”

“What do you like?”

“Oh umm, I like to run.” I said simply. I usually save the absentee father thing for the third date.

“That’s cool. What do you like about it?”

“I like that I can do it by myself and its just me, whatever I’m listening to at the time, and the pavement. I can just focus on that.”

“I can understand that. What else do you like?”

“I like art.”

“I know. I’ve seen you at lunch, hunched over your sketchbook. You always look so focused.”

“It’s nice to have something specific to focus on and get an end result that lasts a lifetime.”

“Can I see some of your drawing sometime?”

“Sure. Only if you let me draw you though.”

“Like one of your French girls?”

“No, you perv. You.”

“Okay, deal.”

“Great. I can’t wait.”

After dinner was done, we made a stop at Monet’s for some dessert. We split a slice of cake and a cookie before calling it a night. He drove me home and we sat in the car for a while, neither of us wanting the night to end. “I should probably head inside. It’s getting late.” I whispered.

“You should. But do you want to?” he whispered back, reaching over to turn my face towards him.

“No.” I whispered back.

“Me either.”

My eyes flickered between his eyes and his lips. He nodded almost imperceptibly, and I leaned in slightly to place a chaste kiss on his lips. They were smooth and tasted like vanilla.

I pulled away first, not really wanting to. “I should go inside now.” I whispered softly, so as not to ruin our moment.

“Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Okay.” I nodded and reached for the door handle.

“Bye (Y/N).”

“Bye Justin.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.” He’s really trying to drag this out.

“Bye. I’ll talk to you tomorrow and see you at school on Monday.”

“Okay.” He nodded and I took that as my queue to exit the vehicle. He waited for me to unlock the door and enter the house before leaving. I waved to him from my doorway as he backed out of my driveway and made his way home. That was perfect.

Justin called me the next day around one and we spent two hours on the phone together, just talking about random stuff. I learned of his very odd dislike of watermelon and he listened intently as I explained various art mediums. By the time Monday morning rolled around, I had a whole different idea of who Justin was. He was no longer the somewhat cocky jock. He was the sensitive boy I had only heard existed from friends of friends.

Monday morning, I decided to actually get up early and make myself look at least a little nice. I pulled out my favourite outfit, did stuff to my hair, and put on a touch of makeup. I stopped to get a coffee on my way and asked the barista what Justin’s order usually was. She was working Saturday night and saw us together, so she gave it to me readily. When I got to school, I sought Justin out and surprised him with his coffee. “Katie told me your order.” I explained at his questioning look.

“Thank you, it’s perfect.” He said, pulling me into his side and kissing the side of my head. I smiled, taking a sip of my own coffee and leaning into him.

“You guys are already cute. It’s sickening.” Clay said, giving Justin a light push. Once again, I felt someone’s eyes on the back of my head and had to resist the urge to turn to look at him. We broke up. Quit staring at me. If Clay noticed, he didn’t mention who was staring at me. Justin and I talked a bit before I had to literally run to Physics. I turned around to wave to him and I caught sight of Monty standing at his locker, looking as cranky and pissed off as ever.

Between classes, I was minding my own business, going over some biology notes, when I felt a hand grab me and pull me into an empty classroom. “Jesus. Could give a girl some warning before you grab her.” I spoke into the darkness. The sound of the door locking set my body on edge.

“I had to talk to you.” Monty said.

“Really? You had to talk to me? And you thought grabbing me and pulling me into an empty classroom was the best way to go about that?”

“Would you have given me the time of day otherwise (Y/N)?”

I was silent for a moment. “Fair point. Now what do you want? I have class.”

“I want to know why you agreed to go out with Justin.”

“Maybe because it’s a free country Montgomery?”

“That’s the worst explanation you have ever given, and you know it.”

“I don’t owe you an explanation. We aren’t together anymore. I am free to date whoever I want. You are too, if you ever decide to do that.”

“You broke up with me because you said I was reckless. And now you’re dating Justin fucking Foley.”

“I think he goes by Jensen now.”

“Who gives a damn? My point is, you left me because I’m reckless, and now you’re dating someone who is equally if not more reckless than me.”

“I fail to see how a recovering addict is more reckless than you.”

“You fail to… wow. I’m shocked we didn’t break up sooner.” Okay that stung.

“Thanks Monty. That was real nice of you.”

“Shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“So how did you mean it?”

“Not how it sounded. But (Y/N), tell me you realize that Justin is just using you to fill the time until Jessica gets bored of Alex again. Because we all know she will. Or until he decides to run away again.”

“Huh. I didn’t think you could make yourself seem like more of a dick than you already had. Yet, here we are. I have to go. I’m running late.”

He was silent as I pushed past him and left the room. More reckless? More reckless than beating kids up for no reason? More reckless than any of the other shit he has pulled in the last four years? How pissed in his Corn Pops this morning? I was angry but I couldn’t help but replay his last statement over and over in my head, you realize that Justin is just using you to fill the time until Jessica gets bored of Alex again. Because we all know she will. Or until he decides to run away again. I was so distracted in biology; I missed an entire section of notes.

By the time lunch had rolled around, I had convinced myself that Montgomery was just pissed off and trying to fuck with my head, since he wouldn’t and couldn’t actually hurt me in any other way. I sat with Justin and his friends at lunch. I watched as he laughed along with them and smiled to myself. His friends included me as much as they could, but I could tell it was a little strange for them, seeing him with someone other than Jess. It’s not like I wasn’t friends with them, but with dating Monty and being so close to him, it was hard for us to hang out. Not that he kept me from them or anything, there was just a distance. It was nice to have them again. I decided to pull out my sketchbook and doodle while my friends talked amongst themselves. It wasn’t long before I had given up on doodling and had begun to draw Justin. It was a side profile and it was quick, so it wasn’t the greatest thing I had ever drawn, but it was okay. I would do better later when I had more time.

**

A few weeks after our first date, Justin invited me home to meet his folks. I had met them before because I was friends with Clay and sort of friends with Justin, but this was different. I was meeting them as Justin’s girlfriend now. For some reason I was more nervous to meet them than I was to meet Monty’s parents. Probably because you knew his dad wouldn’t like you and his mom was never really a concern for you. I pulled up in front of the Jensen house and looked up at the front window. The curtains fell back into place, so I knew at least one of the family members was waiting for my arrival.

I knocked on the door and it was opened almost immediately. Justin was waiting on the other side and he pulled me in the door excitedly. “You’re early.” He commented as he pulled me into a hug.

“I noticed. Have you been waiting by the door all morning?” I asked.

“No, he made me sit and wait when he had to go to the bathroom or wanted snacks.” Clay called from the couch.

“Lies.” Justin called back.

“Not lies. Hi (Y/N).” Mr. Jensen said as he came into the living room.

“Hey Mr. Jensen. How are you and Mrs. Jensen?”

“We are good. How many times do we have to tell you, its Matt and Lainie?”

“I know, I know. Old habits die hard, is all.”

“You still like tacos?”

“Uh… yes. They are great.”

“Good, its taco night.”

“That’s great dad, we are going to my room now.” Justin exclaimed, taking my hand and leading me to the back door.

“Um, okay.” I said.

“It’s my room too.” Clay called after us.

“Welcome to my room.” Justin said as he opened the door with a dramatic flair of his arm.

“Justin, I’ve been in your room before.” I laughed as I shook my head.

“I know, but this is different. Oh, I told clay you wouldn’t sit on his bed, so you can sit on mine.”

“Okay.” I nodded and sat down. As I looked around, I noticed there was more stuff on the walls, “what do boys call the stuff on the walls?”

“Clay calls it putting shit up, I call it homing.”

“Like the pigeons?”

“Yes.”

“Interesting.” There was a bit of a lull in the conversation. We had never been alone like this before.

“Did you bring your sketchbook?”

I gave him a look.

“Sorry, dumb question. Of course, you brought it.”

“I did yes. Why?”

“Can I look at it?”

“Not yet. The deal was I get to draw you and you get to look at it.”

Justin looked at his watch, “dinner won’t be for a while yet.”

“You want me to draw you now?” I asked, my brow raising.

“I mean, yeah. Why not?” he shrugged. “Where do you want me?”

I looked around the room again, deciding on an ideal spot, “well, your bed has really good natural light. I’ll grab a bar stool and sit there.”

Justin nodded and walked over, as I went to get up, he placed his hand around my arm. I looked at him questioningly before he placed a sweet kiss on my lips. I blushed as he pulled away. I will never get used to that. We changed spots quickly and I pulled a stool over. After a few directions and some time spent positioning him properly, I set to work. A bit after I started, he began speaking, “I feel like I don’t know much about you (Y/N/N).”

“What do you mean?” I asked, somewhat distracted.

“You know all these things about me, but I don’t know much about you personally. I know we were kind of friends, but you don’t really talk about yourself.”

“There’s not much to know. It’s just me and my mom. She’s a nurse and worked a lot growing up. I learned how to be pretty self-sufficient.”

“What about your dad?” He asked, moving slightly to get more comfortable.

“Never knew him. He walked out shortly after I was born. They weren’t married, so there wasn’t much to divide up when he left. Mom said when they went to court, he agreed to pay child support but didn’t want to have to be involved. Judge wasn’t thrilled when they submitted the paperwork, but my mom and her lawyer agreed to it.”

“That sucks.”

“I guess, but I never knew any different. What about you?”

“Never knew mine either. No real story. Amber is an addict, so I don’t know much.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Anything else I should know?”

“I had a goldfish when I was a kid. His name was Napoleon.”

“Napoleon the fish?”

“Yes. I wasn’t allowed to have a dog or anything because my mom worked so much. And so, I gave my fish a weird name.” He made an impressed sound and face.

I had gotten about half the drawing done before clay knocked on the door and opened it with his eyes covered, “Dad says dinner is ready.”

“You can open your eyes, you squeamish child.” Justin chided.

“Nope. No I’m good.”

“We will be right in.” Clay nodded in response before backing out and closing the door firmly again. I closed the book and hopped out of my seat, placing my book on the counter.

“Can I see it?” Justin asked, beckoning me over.

“Not yet. It’s not done yet.” I told him. I walked over slowly, “dinner?”

“In a minute,” he started as he took my hand and pulled me down towards him, “have something to do first.” I smiled brightly at him as he pulled me down into a kiss, straddling his lap. A moment later, I pulled away and sat back.

“As much as I would like to continue this, your dad said you were having tacos.”

He sighed, nodding, “I know. We can continue this later.”

I stood up and smirked at him. Yes we can. I walked to the door and he smacked my ass playfully. I gave him an exaggerated shocked look and he grabbed my hand as we walked through the yard to the main house.

Dinner was fun and less awkward than I expected. I had gone over many times to hang out with Clay but going over as their son’s girlfriend was different. Matt and Lainie couldn’t ask me too much because they knew a lot about me. Tacos are always a fun food for company, and Justin made fun of my topping choice playfully. Clay overfilled his and it fell apart in his hands, drawing laughs from the table. It was nowhere near as bad as I expected. I couldn’t help but compare it to the awkward dinners I would have when Monty came over for at first and my mom wasn’t sure where she stood on the idea of him. I had always refused dinner with his family, so I didn’t need to hold my tongue around his dad for too long, which he never objected to.

Once dinner was over and it was time to go, I ran back to the boy’s room and grabbed my sketchbook. It’s not that I don’t trust Justin not to look… but I don’t trust Justin not to look.Justin and I said our goodbyes much quicker than we did that first night and I texted him when I got home to let him know I was safe. The following day at school, I was surprised to find Justin waiting at my locker with a muffin.

“Stopped by work on the way this morning and picked this up for you.” I smiled and kissed his cheek as I took it, biting into the fresh baked good. A very NSFW moan left my throat before I could stop it. I looked at Justin with wide eyes and a bright red face. He looked like he was trying to talk himself out of either laughing or dragging me to my car and driving to my place, education be damned. I looked down, embarrassed, waiting for the cheeky comment. When none came, I looked up at him through my lashes. I kind of miss the stupid innuendos. He was smiling wide and though he wasn’t looking directly at me, but you wouldn’t be able to tell unless you were as close to him as I was. I heard her laugh before I saw her. Jessica was walking towards us, laughing at a joke or something Alex had said. Montgomery’s words played in my head again you realize that Justin is just using you to fill the time until Jessica gets bored of Alex again, causing me to shake my head slightly to clear it. Get out of my head. You’re just jumping to conclusions (Y/N). Nothing is going on with them. Ignoring the possibilities in my head, I let Justin walk me to class. By the end of the day, any thoughts of Justin and Jessica were out of my head.  

**

Justin and I had grown closer over the past couple of months than I thought I would ever get to another person ever again. We talked about everything. Our hopes and dreams. We shared our biggest fears and most pointless phobias. He told me about what it was like when he left and how Clay had saved him. I knew he was leaving some stuff out, but I was too. Neither of us were going to pry. I told him about the time I had gotten curious and looked into finding my dad. I explained how any lead I could come up with came up dry and whenever I felt like I was getting close, something would happen to make it slip through my fingers. We talked about our favourite things and the things we couldn’t stand. It was everything a relationship should be. Then why do I feel like there is something missing? I continued to avoid Montgomery as much as I could, lest he try and give me more crap about my relationship.

On one of the rare nights it rained in our area of California, Justin opened up to me about his addiction. We were in my room and I was working on another portrait of him. He explained to me how he had started it as a way to escape the reality that he had left everything he had ever known and how it had quickly snowballed from there. He told me about detoxing at Clay’s and how the Jensen’s went out of their way to make him feel welcome in their home. He told me about relapsing and how even though they weren’t as close as they had once been, Bryce Walker had been the one to help when he got into a bind with Seth. I asked him about what happened, but he wouldn’t elaborate. He continued on and said that Bryce tried to help by giving him his old pills instead of the H he was using. I asked him about rehab and was not surprised when he said it was one of the hardest things he had ever done. “It’s still a struggle, but I have people around me who I know I can lean on and go to. So that helps on the bad days.” I nodded at him, as I finished the drawing and turned it to show him. “Woah. That’s amazing. Probably the best one yet.” I smiled at him and carefully removed it from the book, giving it to him.

“Keep it.”

A week or so later, everything changed. I walked to class the long way since the rain the past few days had stopped this morning during class. As I walked past the locker room, I heard voices that sounded suspiciously like Justin and Jessica. They seemed to be getting closer to the door and I quickly hid in an alcove. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this to Alex, Justin.” Jess said, as he opened the door for her.

“I know. (Y/N) is a really sweet girl. I just can’t get you out of my head.”

“She really is. I’ll see you after your shift tonight?”

“Yeah, Clay is going out with the new girl.”

“Great. I can’t wait.” Justin looked around to make sure no one was watching, no one he could see anyway, before he grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. I gasped quietly and quickly covered my mouth. They didn’t seem to notice. As they walked away, I noticed how disheveled his shirt looked. That jerk. Oh… Monty was right. I’m such an idiot. When I was sure they were gone, I snuck out of my hiding spot and ran to class. I’ll deal with this at lunch.

Lunch came sooner than I wanted, since I had again, gotten distracted in biology. Justin was waiting for me at the entrance to the cafeteria. I ignored him as I walked up to Monty and his friends. He was mid-bite into a sandwich. “Incoming Monty.” Bryce warned. He ignored him. I tapped him on the shoulder lightly, and he finished his bite before turning to me.

“Hey, (Y/N).” he greeted, slightly confused as we hadn’t spoken since he had dragged me into a classroom a couple of months ago.

“You were right.” I spoke quietly, so only he could hear me. His brow furrowed until he looked up and saw Justin walking towards me. His face went from confused to understanding.

“(Y/N)? What’s going on?” Justin asked, behind me.

“I don’t know Justin, why don’t you ask Jessica?” I asked, turning to him.

“Shit. She’s mad.” Scott said. I hummed in response. Justin looked like a deer in the headlights. Before anyone could stop me, I slapped Justin across the face, drawing ‘oooo’s and ‘ahhh’s from the surrounding tables. Calmly, I picked up my bag and walked away. I didn’t walk to a table where my friends sat. I didn’t share a look with Jess or Alex. Alex is smart. He will figure it out. Instead, I walked straight out to my car and drove home.

I spent the afternoon and evening in my room, alternating between crying and trying in vain to get the image of Justin kissing Jessica out of my head. My mom was working a forty-eight-hour shift at the hospital, so I had the house to myself. I had finally started to fall asleep when I heard a familiar sound. It sounded like pebbles hitting my window. Monty. I got up and opened the window.

“Monty? It’s like… one in the morning. What are you doing here?” I whisper called down to him.

“I thought you could use some company. I brought your favourite ice cream. You get any better at catching things in the last four months?”

“I was never that bad.” I called down to him as he threw the container up to me.

“Okay sweetheart. We will go with that.” He joked as he climbed up the lattice work along the side of my house. After he was up and, in my bedroom, I decided to let him know I was home alone.

“You could have used the front door. My mom is at work.”

“Now you tell me.” he rolled his eyes playfully as he stood up and enveloped me in a hug. This feels nice. I directed him to sit in my bed as I ran to get a couple of spoons from the kitchen. We had shared enough ice cream and… other kinds of DNA to not need to worry about bowls anymore. By the time I got back, he had made himself comfortable on his side of the bed, leaving my spot open for me. We ate in silence for a while before he spoke again. “I’m sorry I was right.”

“I guess I owe you an apology.”

“No, you don’t. At the time I was just saying it to be an ass. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I do. You were right. He is reckless and it wasn’t fair to break up with you because of your recklessness, and then start dating him. I hurt you and I’m sorry Monty.”

“It’s okay, (Y/N). But there is one thing you can do if you want to make it up to me.”

“What?”

“Switch pillows with me. This one is all lumpy.”

I laughed at him as I switched pillows before cuddling up close to him. “Hey Montgomery?”

“Yes (Y/N)?”

“How would you feel about breakfast in the morning. Like out somewhere.”

“You mean like a date?”

“Exactly like a date.”

“I think that would be some of the best breakfast I’d have in a long time.” We were quiet for a while before he spoke again, “(Y/N/N)?”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you want me to talk to Justin?”

“Do you mean talk to him or talk to him?”

“Just talk.”

“No, you don’t have to. I think he got the picture this afternoon. Thank you though.”

Monty and I spent the rest of the night talking and had a delicious breakfast at Rosie’s. He drove me home and came in to say hello to my mom. It wasn’t the perfect morning or the perfect new beginning, but nothing about our relationship ever was.