#also yes i did try to find the screenshot evidence of me saying this bc it should exist somewhere

[onyourstageleft]

getting my wisdom teeth forcibly removed from my skull tomorrow yippee

I will attempt to make a follow up post to this as soon as I wake up from sedation but I make no promises that it will be at all distinguishable as something done under the influence, I am after all the person who once drunk texted a friend at 2am a completely coherent paragraph and ended it with "I'm like Alexander Hamilton, I can write even when my life is falling apart" for justification it was 2016 and we were theatre majors

[katoska]

Theory why Betelgeuse left Lydia's side to "go to the little boys' room" and took over for Richard at his booth for a bit:

Yes, he could have dealt with Jeremy without playing dress-up and taking over Richard's job, and didn't have to enable Richy to get a little more family time in the process. They could have saved Astrid just fine without that, so it seems unnecessary, for him to do that. OOC, even. Except

2) Richard wouldn't owe Betelgeuse a big favor for said taking over of his job and enabling the extra family time with Lydia and Astrid. Also, ofc, for saving his daughter from trading places with Jeremy. Betelgeuse did all that at great cost to himself: A Code 699 violation (see screenshot of transcript from reddit below) gets you extra time working as a civil servant, it gets your topside privileges revoked, and it voids any marriage you entered into, so his contract for payment from/marriage to Lydia was meaningless (well, if it had been a marriage certificate rather than just an agreement to get married in the future. and if he'd actually signed it. and then possibly only if he'd signed it before entering the Netherworld so there'd be a marriage TO void, rather than... not signing it at all... *sigh* he totally burned that half-signed and not-yet-binding contract himself bc he understood she wasn't ready to marry him yet, is what I'm saying, but I digress).

1) Lydia wouldn't have gotten closure for her ex's death without it. Closure which she sorely needed, because the fact that Richard's body was never found plus her seeming inability to see his ghost (Richard: "I know you two can't see me, but I check in on you all the time") add up to her having been in denial of his death. She couldn't see his ghost because she really really did not want to see proof that he was dead. So now she gets to move on from him. Which is very convenient for B. Especially as Richard is unlikely to be able to visit her anytime soon even now that Lydia has accepted his death and should be able to see him again, but I'm getting to that.

Still 2): Anyway, B doesn't do favors. He does business. If people are allowed to take over for others at their jobs in the afterlife, but those jobs are also a form of punishment where you have to "do time" at them for a specific duration, then those work hours are a currency that you can give away or trade. You can, if you find someone who is willing, get someone to do your time for you (hell, you can even get a naive Breather to trade their actual Life for your afterlife existence).

So yeah, I don't think Betelgeuse took over Richard's booth just out of the goodness of his heart. I think they made a deal, one that means that B will be topside again much sooner than the Deetz' will expect so he can get back to trying to seduce Richard's ex (hey, Richard always supported lost causes, so... 😆), while Richard will be stuck at work, unable to visit the Living for a long and unspecified amount of time. Not that his family's gonna notice, bc they never used to see him visit them, anyway.

And yeah, according to someone from reddit who decyphered that page in the Handbook, there's a bit about how the Deceased who violated Code 699 has to cease Trading, if applicable.

But I think that only goes for post-conviction of the crime, not as an automatic consequence of the crime, as B was also still able to visit the Living World to attempt the church wedding. Which, actually, is yet more evidence that this latest marriage attempt was more for the sake of declaring his feelings and testing the waters (and showing off, and getting rid at the competition) than him trying to actually get, and stay, married. Cause the church wedding would have been voided by a conviction, too.

Anyway, that's my theory on B's incredibly considerate, and therefore incredibly suspicious, detour to Richard's booth and letting Richard have his heroic moment.

And tbf, Lydia and Astrid are Richard's family. So it wouldn't even be unreasonable to expect Richard to pay for the legal trouble B got into from saving them. Like, I'm sure he'd have done it anyway, but if B can pass on that buck then ofc he's gonna.

[hiimsociallyawkward]

a servant of two masters

hi friends welcome back to me aimlessly ranting about merlin. up today we have 4.06 and this episode. wow. literally just the title gives me everything i need and i'm absolutley here for the chaos that will ensue. hi bestie @lady-ofmagic-andstars

i love them in their capes

i want a cloak

dude the 'oh it's not gonna happen' and then it happens trope is so dumb but i laugh every time

notice how the knights ripped off their capes

dude people are falling off of horses and out

MERLIN

ok ok but how is he injured. ik this is rated for kids but i really dk how badly merlin is injured. it looks like just his shoulder but he shouldn't be almost dying like his yk?

:,) arthru making jokes

ok but i love arthur taking care of merlin

alskdjflsadk them trying to make jokes to make each other feel better :,)

stop arthur. stop telling the truth merlin's not dying here 😭

bestie vibes only deadass

HAHA

a s s

side note, the site i get my screenshots from- this picture has 61 views while others average maybe like 10-15?? perverts HAHA just kidding

sok i'm actually really curious as to what merlin's injury is

alsdjf;lasdfjsaldfjsaldf merlin making the rocks fall

idk if it's jut the angling but i felt like the enemies were way too close for merlin to create an entire rock barrier. i don't have any screen shot evidence but so you're just going to have to take my word for it

ok but like who even are these men. they were working for morgana trying to capture arthur?

and what's morgana going to do once she has arthur? kill him and take his place on the throne? remember how well that turned out last time she tried that? no one wanted her. idk idk morgana is just confusing as to what she wants

pls die agravaine

haha strangely fond of the boy? there's nothing strange about it

ok i laughed but i also felt bad when morgana splashed merlin awake and flailed around like a fish

dude merlin is so snarky here and i'm HERE for it

ok i like the knights being competent. thank you thank you

and now they're riding back into camelot with their capes on? you're telling me they traced back their steps to find their capes, dusted them off to make sure that they weren't too dirty and didn't have any leaves or branches still sticking to it before riding back to camelot? iconic

poor gaius. ok he's the worst but he does think of merlin as his son and this makes me sad

ok i have a dumb question. do you think merlin understands whenever other magic users are casting spells? ok i feel like this is a dumb question now. but like, is magic a language? are all incantations in a different language, so when other person who knows magic is watching you- they know what you're trying to do and such? i feel like "of course they'd know" but i'm basing that assumption on hp where everyone knows that alohomora is alohomora and where everyone knows that lumos is lumos. but what about here? does merlin know what she's incanting? can he slightly understand it even if he's never seen/done it before? is magic a language like latin, and even if you aren't completely fluent, you and parse together things and make an assumptions?

arthur is just so sad here

i just, i have to have these here

yes bby figure out that we have a traitor

gaius is not slick in the slightest. yes. look at the traitor king

wow morgana being able to bond with the snake? i wonder how

ok question, does the fomorroh have some sort of loyalty to whoever calls them?

✨kill arthur pendragon✨

ok that snake going in his neck is actually scary

pretty castle counter: 5

btw this is actually my zoom background sometimes. it depends from call to call but it changes between this pretty castle and peeta mellark

G E O R G E

ok i've seen all the tumblr posts but it doesn't get less funny. the 'merlin's missing and we can't find him so we're going to replace him with another manservent dressed EXACTLY like merlin so arthur feels better' makes me chuckle every time

i would like to have that for breakfast

i like the loyalty arthur thank you. i love the loyalty pls. i love that they're friends. like, i love the romance but i love just people being friends too

ok this whole scene. arthur wanting to look for merlin because he has to at least try, gwen just wanting arthur to be careful and to come back to her, gwaine being buds. i love all the friendships in this and just yes thank you

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok i'm not at the hug scene yet but i know it's coming and i'm beyond excited

ok this sound track is so cute.

saldkfj;asldkfjasldkfsd

matching icons for you and your best friends

deadass if someone wants to change their tumblr icons so we can match hmu bc i'm 100% down with that

another pretty castle scene

SASSY MERLIN PLS

ok ik this is dumb to comment on because i feel like it's not tremendously hard to execute but i love the differences that colin made in regular merlin and fomorroh merlin. it's the best

they say it later in the episode but i find it hilarious how bad of an assassin merlin is

dude pls you're pouring poison in front of EVERYONE else?

BOG MAN. ok guys i'm calling you guys bog mans now.

ASLDJFALSDFJS THE JEALOUSY SCENE

i am cringey but laughing at the same time you don't understand why am i this childish

ok but arthur is being so sweet right here. i feel like he's not trying to be showy in front of gwen, i feel like he wants merlin to rest and that's so sweet. he's so patient right here and i love him

i miss the gwen and merlin friendship actually

dude merlin is roasting gaius so hard today

leon geeking out over weapons is so cute. omg he's such a tiny nerd i love him

laskjflasdfj THIS SCENE. this makes up for the stew jokes that i may or may not still be mad about

i love that the knights LITERALLY turn a blind eye it's actually hilarious

LOOK AT MERLIN BEING COMPETENT?? HE'S SO SMART WITH THE ARROW RIGGING THING

it's literally treason leon pls and you're laughing you're the best 😭😭

i wish we had a pervical back story arc

ok i think it's dumb that i laughed when merlin ducked but i stand by that

ok why do i feel bad for arthur a little. he's talking abt some semi-deep stuff. not deep deep but like, he's trying to ask for advice from his friend, his close advisor. he would've never talked to merlin like this is season 1-2 but here he is, talking about trust. and MERLIN is trying to MURDER HIM. yes. i admit it's a little funny when i'm just watching merlin trip over things and such, but when i listen to arthur talking i feel slightly sad

literallly. merlin's passed out on the floor and arthur doesn't even think anything is wrong

gwen's face when she knocked merlin out is so cute

oop. why is arthur standing in agravaine's door way like an absolute robot

cyes arthur. figure him out

i hate agravaine. i just want arthur to be happy. he's only trusting agravaine because agravaine is family.

stfu agravaine 'you're all that's left of my dear sister' SHUT THE FRONT DOOR

ok there's a repeat of the castle from earlier but i'll spare you

pls this bath scene is so awkward. tt not being able to trust anyone anymore and we're laughing at merlin but arthur's talking so sad and deep

pls this bath scene is so awkward. that's all the notes i have

again, i miss gwen and merlin

merlin is MONCHING on those berries. i'm craving berries now

ok but like. yk that pouch that gaius is using to make the forromoh dormant? what if merlin tucked it in his neckerchief as a precaution. i'm just saying.

aslfkjasdaskdjf the tavern

yall why did merlin have to stop his horse to drink the potion

i want the knights to have a cool band name or smth yk what i mean?

i like that merlin is still a little in the camelot red. it's not the same shade but yk what i mean

HAHA LEON AND PERCIVAL BEING PUSHED TOGETHER. I JUST KEPT ON SCREAMING SUBTEXT SUBTEXT

damn morgana wants RESUKTS. i dont blame her

the frist interaction with merlin and morgana in the hut is so awkward. pls.idek how to comment on it

deadass morgana's dress is so pretty.

magic fight! magic fight!

stfu 'rightfully mine' pls

hehe there's a leaf in his hair

ok i feel like i should've commented more on the magic fight but idk bro

so ik that colin was in this whole episode but it really only just now feels like merlin is here and i think that's fun

arthur is the cutest. i'm loving this dynamic you have no idea. i live live live live LIVE off banter. pls

guys i'm sad apparently i can only put 10 pics in a post but pls enjoy this one pic of arthur right here 😭

ok idk abt you but i'd love to hear jokes abt brass

agaragvaine pls die already

YOU'RE SUCH A PERV LITERALLY

GO

AWAY

NOW

dude that last scene was actually really pretty and i'm sad that i can't attach it now

anyways thanks for reading my long ass rambles. but i'll be back next week to the secret sharer i'll catch you on the flip side

[lotusjwy]

"Just leave me ALONE" for Xicheng? Preferably if LXC says it JC? Preferably in public or in front of wangxian and the juniors ? E.g. JC is the only one, who notices LXC is having a bad day and he more or less subtlely tries to get him to talk ? But LXC tries to be fine cause he is out of seclusion so he can't still have bad days'?

But if you have another idea do that! no pressure ! Thanks in advance !

hello there, the way this is so specific has been killing me for DAYS 😂  I had to send screenshots to my friend bc of how specific it is dude, like I love that you know exactly what you want bc it makes my brain not have to work as hard, but BRO dskjfhkasd why do u like to see my boy suffer So much 😭😭😭 

i hope this lives up to ur expectations!!! 🥰

It had been a long day. A long and tiring day, so if he lost his temper, he couldn’t be blamed, right? He just wanted to go back home and play the flute, perhaps sleep a little, but he was absolutely done with spending time with everyone else. So, why did he find himself still in the company of so many people? Why was he still sitting here with Wangji, Wei Wuxian, Jiang Wanyin and a handful of juniors? Why?

This was all Wei Wuxian’s fault, he was the one that insisted everyone spend more time together. Xichen already saw plenty of Wei Wuxian, Wangji, Sizhui and Jingyi, as well as often seeing Jiang Wanyin and Jin Rulan, due to sect business. If anything, the only person here that Lan Xichen rarely saw was Ouyang Zizhen, and it wasn’t as if he’d spent much of the day speaking to him.

Jiang Wanyin had taken it upon himself to seat himself down next to Lan Xichen, talking to him, hoping that he could get to the root of why the other had been acting differently. “You’ve been quiet all day, which is completely fine, I get that. Sometimes everyone is a bit too much to handle, but Wei Wuxian insists on family bonding, whatever the fuck that me-”

And he just would not stop talking, he’d been talking for so long, all day, when would he stop. “Just leave me alone. You keep speaking to me as if I’ve shown any indication that I wish to continue this conversation. You’re quick to call Wei Wuxian a chatterbox and an annoyance, yet have you ever looked inward?!” When he was met with a stunned silence, he realised something was incredibly wrong.

Oh. Oh no. He had said that out loud, hadn’t he? Well, he couldn’t take it back now, and he had wanted to be left alone. It wasn’t his fault Jiang Wanyin wasn’t taking the hint. Xichen did feel a little bad, when he saw the hurt expression on lJiang Cheng’s face, that abruptly was wiped from his face, only to be replaced by a blank face.

“Apologies, Zewu-jun. I appear to have overstepped.” He stood and gave the other a stiff bow, before leaving the room, not looking or speaking to anyone, feeling thoroughly embarrassed.  

Wei Wuxian stood awkwardly after his brother had left the room, wanting to follow him out, but knowing that the other probably wanted to be alone right now. He also knew that he shouldn’t be the one going to ensure he was okay, “Xichen-ge…”

“I am aware, no need to scold me.” Lan Xichen’s voice was terse, knowing that everyone in the room was staring at him in shock, possibly all wanting to scold him for his behaviour.

“Jiujiu was only trying to make sure that you were okay. Talking helps sometimes, you know. He rarely reaches out to people like that, but he did to you.” Everyone here knew his uncle’s temper, just as well as they knew how much he cared, if anyone here didn’t know that, then they shouldn’t be here. They didn’t belong here.

Lan Sizhui put a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder, “Jin Ling, should you be saying this here?” He knew that Jin Ling was cross with Zewu-jun, but he didn’t want the other saying anything that he may regret later on.

“It’s nothing everyone here doesn’t already know about him.” He scoffed out, his voice dripping with disdain towards Sect Leader Lan. How dare he take his uncle’s kindness for granted.

Xichen tuned out the remainder of the conversation, thinking about the mess he had put himself in. It wasn’t that he disliked Jiang Wanyin, quite the opposite actually, and yet here he was near yelling at him in front all of their friends and family. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been stuck in his thoughts before he realised that he was being spoken to by Jin Rulan again.

“Well? Are you just going to sit here and wallow in your stupid misery, or are you going to go apologise?” There was a fiercely protective look in the younger’s eyes, showing that he’d physically fight the other, even if it meant losing, for his uncle’s honour.

“Jin Ling!” Wei Wuxian sent a sharp look to the younger, inwardly cursing that Jin Ling seemed to have inherited his mother’s fierce protective nature. He felt the same, but he also had the sense of knowing that saying everything you felt could backfire on you within seconds.

“Don’t get mad at me for being mad at him! He was being an assh-” the rest of whatever he was going to say being smothered by Lan Jingyi’s hand, which was conveniently blocking any other derogatory words that Jin Ling may want to speak.

“Alright, alright, young mistress, it’s okay. Let’s calm down now. He’ll go apologise now.” Lan Jingyi gave his sect leader a pointed look, as if telling him that if he didn’t leave to go find Sect Leader Jiang right now, then he would release his friend and let him unleash his full anger at him.

With a stiff nod, Lan Xichen left towards the direction Jiang Wanyin had stalked off to. He found the other leaning on a tree, staring up at the sky, seemingly lost in thought. He slowly approached the other, contemplating how to best bring attention to himself.

“I-” He jumped slightly, when he was cut off, not realising that Jiang Cheng had even noticed him approaching.

“Save it. No need to apologise, I know you were bullied out here.” His voice blunt and to the point, void of any emotion, as if he were trying to protect himself. 

Xichen was stunned silent, not knowing how to respond to that. He had been told to come apologise, so it wasn’t as if he could refute that. “Oh.”

Jiang Cheng sighed and shook his head. He had guessed that his nephew and brother had made the other come out here and apologise, but he was hoping that Lan Xichen had wanted to come out on his own accord. Evidently not. And why should he? It’s not as if Jiang Cheng was someone that was important to Lan Xichen. All he’d done was annoy him today.

Lan Xichen walked closer to the other, offering him an apologetic look, “whatever you’re thinking, you’re wrong.”

“I find that hard to believe.” How could he be wrong, when all signs pointed to his conclusions? He’d been annoying, when he hadn’t intended to be. He’d been compared to Wei Wuxian of all people.

“I’m sorry.”

And for what it was worth, he did sound very apologetic, but Jiang Cheng didn’t seem to believe it. “I said save it.”

“You did. However, I do genuinely mean it.” Xichen looked at the other, focusing on how the other was mindlessly fidgeting with Zidian. I’m making him uncomfortable. “I was told to come out and find you, yes, but I would have apologised on my own. I wouldn’t have left it li-”

“Don’t worry, Sect Leader Lan, I won’t let this hinder our sect relations. I’m not so petty so as to do anything that was affect either of our sects, for a personal matter.” Jiang Cheng cut off Lan Xichen, yet again, seemingly realising why the other had gone out of his way to come out to apologise.

“That’s not-” Lan Xichen was beginning to grow very sick of being cut off midsentence.

“I won’t interfere with any of the trade agreements we have existing already, nor any that we may broker in the future.” Jiang Cheng was rambling now, thinking of anything he could, to ensure Lan Xichen that he didn’t want their sects to fall out with each other. “Oh, we were discussing having our junior disciples have an excha-”

“Would you shut up?” If the other would just stop sprouting out useless information, this conversation could end less painfully than it needs to be, instead Jiang Wanyin seemed to want to draw it out.  

Jiang Cheng blinked in shock, his mouth falling open. That was the second time he’d made Lan Xichen burst out in anger like that. Wow, he must really hate me.

“If you would just let me speak! I do not dislike you, nor do I think that this should affect our sects standings with each other.” Xichen’s voice was strained, as he struggled to keep his frustrations with Jiang Wanyin at bay.

Jiang Cheng simply nodded in response, “of course not.”

“You don’t believe me.” Disbelief coating his voice, he stared at the other with narrowed eyes.

“I…” he struggled to find a way to word this, without being insulting or rude, “I believe that you do not wish this to affect our sect standings. Nor do I.”

“But you believe that I dislike you.” He put it bluntly, not enjoying the circles they were seeming to go in this conversation.

With a shrug, he nodded. There wasn’t much else he could say on it, it’s not as if he could make his own beliefs go away with the snap of a finger.

“And nothing I say could convince you otherwise?” Xichen was close to losing it at the other again, not knowing how to change the direction of this conversation. “Not even our past relationship with each other, prior to this evening?”

“Sect Leader Lan is a kind man. He gives chances to those who do not deserve them. I simply overstepped my boundaries tonight.” Jiang Cheng was looking up at the moon, his voice void of any emotion as he spoke.  

With a sigh, Lan Xichen moved to stand in front of the other, needing to capture his attention somehow. “And sometimes he simply has bad days, that have nothing to do with those around him.” He said it lightly, but his face showed that he was being serious. It really had been a bad day that had come an unfortunate end.

“But I didn’t help.”

“No, you didn’t. But I should have verbalised that, instead of ignored you.” Thinking about it for a moment, he added on something else, “which is why you kept speaking to me. Other times your company and conversation has kept me from my bad days, it was only safe for you to believe that it would be okay today. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Hmm.” He only hummed in response, as if he didn’t want to accept that he played no fault in the situation.  

“I don’t know what else I can do to convince you otherwise. I promise you that we are okay. As long as you can forgive me for speaking to you like that.” Right. Apologising was what he’d come out here to do in the first place.

Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes and looked at the other incredulously, “of course I forgive you, I was being fucking annoying and sticking my nose where it didn’t belong.”

Lan Xichen shook his head almost immediately, “I’d argue out of everyone we’ve been with today, it is  a place where you are welcome to stick your nose into. I should have communicated that I wanted silence, it wasn’t your fault.”

When Jiang Cheng didn’t respond, Xichen sighed and nodded, “fine, I can see that this will take some time to move past. But can we do that? Forget about tonight, learn to better communicate with each other? A relationship wouldn’t be possible otherwise.” He quickly turned away from the other, choosing to stare up at the sky, instead of seeing the disbelief on Jiang Cheng’s face at what he had just said. He had more or less confessed his feelings.

Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened in shock as he processed what he had just heard, his cheeks beginning to burn at the implications. He coughed into his fist, “uh, yes. We can do that.”

[nnegan13]

anon with basorexia and mamihlapinatapei, here is the mamihlapinatapei drabble lmao its 2k words drabble whom? for you! ao3 here and it will also be under the cut! 

put it in the 3.01 canon divergence AU bc I felt it fit better in that universe than in canon, I hope you don’t mind and I hope you all realize that I apparently have no control over what I will and won’t come back to lmao 

anywho 

WEDNESDAY 

17 APRIL  20:14  VERANDA, SAVA’S APARTMENT  20:14, Silvia to Le Matte  [screenshot] Edoardo’s this weekend?  20:14, Federica to Le Matte  🤠  20:14, Eva to Le Matte  🥂🥂 20:14, Sana to Le Matte  💯 👅  20:15, Eva to Le Matte  Wait  Isn’t he still gonna be in the hospital  20:15, Silvia to Le Matte  Chicco said he would be fine by Saturday  I’ll ask tho  20:16, Eleonora to Le Matte  Sure  20:24, message to Edoardo Incanti  20:24, message from Edoardo Incanti  Yes  Are you coming?  20:24, message to Edoardo Incanti  Unfortunately  But if you’re trying to kill yourself, I don’t want  to be there as an accomplice  20:24, message from Edoardo Incanti  I’m not trying to kill myself  20:25, message to Edoardo Incanti Throwing a rager right after you were in a fight  so bad you wound up in the hospital?  Sure, not trying to kill yourself at all 20:25, message from Edoardo Incanti  Are you worried or something?  20:25, message to Edoardo Incanti No  20:25, message from Edoardo Incanti Bullshit Today goes down in the history books as the day  Eleonora Sava admits she’s worried about me  20:25, message to Edoardo Incanti  Fuck off  20:25, message from Edoardo Incanti  It’s gonna be chill this weekend, I promise  Swear on my life  If it’s not, you can send me straight back to the  hospital  20:25, message to Edoardo Incanti  Having a hard time believing you  20:26, message from Edoardo Incanti  Just say you’ll come? 

She’s never known Edoardo Incanti to shy away from a party, so when Silvia texts in the group chat that they’re invited to Edoardo’s this weekend, Eleonora’s not even a little surprised. 

Ele? 

For a moment, Eleonora stares at her screen and considers the question. Does she want to go? Does she want to find herself in Edoardo’s house for a countless time over, does she want to watch him stumble around drunk with his friends egging him into stupid decision after stupid decision, does she want to sit there worrying over him and then worrying over whether or not Silvia will catch her worrying? Does she want to sink into the cushions of his couch until everyone has disappeared and pull him on top of her—push him over, rather—and do all sorts of things to him that are most definitely not allowed given that he was beat to a pulp and should be resting instead of doing something like throwing a party? 

Honestly, yes, and Eleonora wishes she isn’t such a masochist. 

When are we going? 

Ignoring her phone as it starts buzzing again, she shifts her eyes back to the screen of her laptop, her next radio episode laid out in its little boxes, planned to the last second, and taps her fingertips on top of her keyboard, trying to get words to come out of her brain. Nothing comes for several long minutes, she types ffffff a hundred times over, probably, in the box where she should be writing about the next clothing drive, and slumps back in her chair. The apartment is quiet, Filippo gone with Dario somewhere depraved, she’s sure, and there’s nothing to distract her from the idea of Edoardo and his party. 

She pulls her phone off the table and swipes away from Le Matte into the rest of her messages, annoyed that somehow she let her thread with Edoardo become her fourth most recent message string rather than the last, and sends the text without thinking. 

Are you really throwing a party this weekend? 

Eleonora stares, hard, at her phone until the two little checkmarks show up, and beats down the anticipation in her stomach. 

You can find out then 

Today goes down in the history books as the day Eleonora Sava admits she’s worried about me. It’s more true than she wants to admit, levels upon levels of more true than Edoardo must think, but she’s got the promise of I’m interested in you, and once we’re done, we’re done, and him doing almost anything and everything she’s ever asked of him, so there’s more than enough half-admittances of feelings to stew between the two of them. 

Swiping out of her messages and into her photos, Eleonora pulls up the ones from Fiumincino last Wednesday when Edoardo showed up at her building, Thai food, cookies, and car in hand, and drove her out to the beach after she told him her assignments were pushing her to the brink. They drank sanpellegrinos and chai he made himself and ate sweet yellow curry until she thought she was going to burst, and it was warm enough that this time, when they sat on the dock watching the sun set, that she pulled off her boots and rolled up her jeans and swung her feet over the edge to trace through the water. 

She looks at the pictures of him, face bruise free for the first time since March, grinning out at the water and hair wild, some pictures with his coat pulled up to his chin and other’s where he’s stripped to just his white t-shirt, turned into the wind and laughing. It’s an afternoon she keeps tucked away in her heart, one that she hasn’t told anyone about, not Eva, not Filippo and most definitely not Silvia, no matter how well their talk went over. 

So, he’s not a good guy because he’s using me to get to someone else? Yes. 

And that someone else is you? Yes. 

Did it work? 

Eleonora sets aside her phone and pulls her laptop back in front of her. 

—

SATURDAY  20 APRIL  21:41  BACK PORCH, EDOARDO’S HOUSE 

True to his word, the party is the most mellow event she thinks she’s ever seen Edoardo at. No DJ, just a low rumble of R&B in the background, some people are dancing but it’s mostly couples grinding and making out in the middle of the living room, no large collection of hard liquor, just several tubs full of ice and beer bottles—unless Edoardo points out where the fancy stuff for mixing and cocktails is, like he has to Eva—and most people are just chilling, talking, playing quiet but joyful games of pool and sprawling on the sofas inside and out. And, for once, his house doesn’t feel like it’s overflowing with bodies. 

The exclusive invite actually seems exclusive, tonight. 

Eva leaves Eleonora on the porch to sneak back inside to the liquor cabinet and make herself something that will leave her liver wrecked, and Eleonora can’t find it in herself to follow after her, make sure she really doesn’t hurt herself. She leans into the cushion of the sofa Eva abandoned her on, pulling out her phone to text Sana or Silvia or Federica to keep an eye out when Edoardo makes his way out of the house and onto the porch. 

She spots him, a shy smile blooming on his bruised face as he starts meandering across the porch to where she sits, and she represses the urge to look around, make sure no one will see them together. Silvia knows they’re friendly—what a terrible, magnificent concept, being friends with Edoardo Incanti—and friends can talk to one another, right? 

He drops onto the cushion next to her, leaving barely any room between them, and gives her a smile as he turns to the side, bending his knee and tucking his foot under his other leg. “Believe me now?” 

She’s leaning sideways into the couch, one arm propped up on the back cushion and her face leaned into her fist. Of its own volition, her hand drifts from its position of holding up her head to play with the curls on the back of his. She winds her fingers through them without thinking, the backyard and the porch are all but empty now that the sun’s gone down, and seeing his face as bad as it is—those Giocchi Square guys do not fuck around—makes her chest smart. It’s just them, she can give herself this little tiny thing, playing with his hair, to help her feel better. He smiles a little wider as she tugs on one, tilting her head to the side and studying him. “Maybe.” 

“What? Still think this thing will go sideways?” 

“Anything’s possible,” she says, shrugging, catching the way he winces as he bites his split lip, the consequences of his hubris—fake or real, she still isn’t quite sure—effective his habits. Her eyes are drawn to his mouth, split in the corner but the rest of his lips still pink and smooth. The hand in his hair drifts again, this time tracing one finger down his face, passing lightly over the bruise on his jaw, the one below the corner of his mouth, the split in his lip, and his eyes dart over her face. 

Once her finger brushes over to his cheek, the purpling skin around his eye, the butterfly bandage above his eyebrow, he speaks, his voice is a low rumble that slips into her body, down her spine, and pools in her stomach. “Anything?” 

They’re not talking about the party, anymore. Her lips part as she thinks, finger nail drawing a half circle over and over to the side of his eye, and she watches his expression shift. Want—want stays ever present—but behind it is uncertainty, confusion, hurt, pleasure, resignation, all overshadowed and hidden, almost, by the black and blue and purple splotches on his skin,. Somehow the evidence of his beating brings them to the forefront even as it acts as a mask. 

Eleonora brushes her thumb over the split in his lip again, and then lets it move farther until she’s felt the entire, soft surface of his mouth against her skin. His mouth he uses to eat and kiss and speak and compliment her and argue with her and tease her and say, in not so many words, that he’s a little in love with her. 

Her heart breaks because she’s a little in love with him back. 

It’s highlighted in his eyes, the way his pupils dilate, how they flick, sometimes, down to her mouth like he’s thinking about kissing her, but always, always focused hers when she’s talking to him, telling him something important, and now, in the soft light of his porch, the black melts into the dark brown of his irises until she can see her reflection in his eyes. 

Can he see his in hers? 

With her thumb resting on his mouth, her fingers gentle against his face, Edoardo shifts toward her until his knee presses into her leg, his hand slips over her knee, the corners of his eyes squint with the echo of a smile, and his lip quivers under her touch like it wants to follow suit. He leans—

Mind flooding with the little, tiny, hopeful smile Silvia gave her when she said she wasn’t going to do anything with Edoardo, Eleonora’s blood cools. “We shouldn’t.”

Even so, she doesn’t pull her hand from his face, but lets it slip down to curl around the corner of his jaw, barely around the back of his neck, so her thumb rests against his pulse point. He swallows and she can feel the muscles in his throat move underneath his skin. 

“Why?” He murmurs, watching her carefully, his thumb ghosting over her tight-clad knee, large palm warm against her skin even through her clothes, and her mind has returned from whatever place it went to that allowed her to let him this close. 

She drops her hand to his chest and pushes just enough that he leans back, lips pressing together and eyes shuttering into a blank mask. There’s a difference, now, between the shades of his pupils and his irises, and she thinks it’s because he found something in her eyes that’s the opposite of what she’s doing, now. 

Wondering if he’ll ever tire of her pushing him away, accepting her own emotions but putting the feelings of others above them, Eleonora shifts and stands. After a moment, she turns to him, face drawn in resignation and disappointment. He holds her gaze for only a second before turning his head to the side. “You know.” 

He whispers, “Okay,” and lets her stalk back into the house. 

[starryseo]

youtuber!hyunjin

time for the man

who is more than just a pretty face

hwang hyunjin everyone :))

Chan | Woojin | Minho | Changbin | HYUNJIN | Jisung | Felix | Seungmin | Jeongin

yes, he’s beautiful

but hyunjin is also an amazing dancer and rapper can we appreciate that too

as said before, he, minho and felix all attend the same dance club so they’re really good friends

he and felix live to annoy minho as much as possible

he goes to the same school as seungmin as well so they’re quite close too

and they game together

hyunjin teaches him all the lil’ tricks and tactics

pretends seungmin’s like his little brother even though they’re just months apart

his instagram is full of videos of him and seungmin going out & he’ll make vlogs when they’re out at some exciting place like a theme park, funfair or arcade etc.

the two of them are always together outside

changbin’s jealous

speaking of social media

in a video on the shared stray kids instagram

felix mocked hyunjin’s snapchat username (it’s hyunjinyoung - nothing but love & respect for his love jinyoung ok)

and that spurred on hyunjin being attacked with lots of people adding him

and he’s just like uhhh what 

he was really confused as to how they found out and what he should do

add 100+ people?? make a new account???

he didn’t really want to make a new account though because that would mean losing his cool username :( 

he gets the most comments on his youtube videos from people saying he’s beautiful

he’ll always be like “gosh i know i’m pretty”

but lowkey he’s all like “awwww” like a blushing baby because it feels nice knowing others find you good-looking

at first he was in disbelief bc like ?? the comments are probably just exaggerating

but they continue through all of his videos so now

he prefers getting comments that are actually about the video/ dance/ game he’s posted though

like he’s practically on the hunt for people commenting on how they found his gameplay or if they liked what he choreographed

it’s kind of sad because he tries so hard, putting effort into his dancing and being fun in his game streams

but then a lot of comments are just about his face

he’s really quiet about this problem because he doesn’t want to seem ungrateful for all the comments about his beauty

but he would also appreciate comments on how skilled he is

i feel like i got kinda sad here tho so lets bring up the mood :))

he constantly sees felix replying to the comments about him being pretty

like “yEAH HE’S GOT NICE LIPS BUT DID YOU SEE THAT CARTWHEEL HE DID???”

or “his jawline could slay my life too but that 360 no scope in the fifth minute was so much more lethal APPRECIATE HIS SKILLZ GODDAMN”

the comments are funny but he’s glad that felix is out there trying to make people aware of his efforts

on a much happier note!!!!

he’s the second biggest foodie after woojin

and that’s evident when he randomly appears in woojin’s videos

like in one cut woojin’s there mixing food in a bowl

and in the next cut the whole place is clean and hyunjin’s in the back washing the equipment

he’ll do a n y t h i n g for food okay

he loves woojin’s cooking the most

because it has such a homely, loving touch (as cheesy as that sounds)

so most of his days are spent waiting for woojin

woojin went out shopping one time

came back to his house, seeing hyunjin outside his front door

hyunjin had started a live stream whilst waiting outside for him

as soon as he sees woojin he’s like

“i want cakeeeee”

and woojin’s like “??? the shops are that way - away from my house”

“why would i buy food when you can make it for me :) please :) i’ll clean your whole house :)”

so woojin’s just like eh, why not?

hyunjin always tries stealing quick tastes

he’s super sly, woojin’s never noticed ;^)

he loves having someone who’ll make food for him when his parents say no or don’t buy it bc this boy just loves junk food

he’s memorised the way to woojin’s house and what buses he’ll need to get there on because he goes there so much

he’s one of the guys that plays a lot of video games

he really loves games like overwatch and paladins because you get to choose which character you can be for the matches

he loves changing it up and getting a feel of all the different characters and their individual abilities

he loves reading the backstories of the characters

finds them so interesting and would genuinely want to get into a game-making career when he’s older

while he does solo game streams

like when a youtuber tries out a horror game or smth

he’ll just start rambling about any particular character and he ends up not getting scared by any jumpscares etc.

he still loves playing horror games

once invited chan over to play one and chan literally sCREAMED 

he has since lost his faith in hyunjin 

because hyunjin managed to video the whole thing

and shared that video in the SK group chat

felix cut down the video to just when chan was screaming 

they forever mock him with that lmao

hyunjin also likes rapping but he isn’t as open with it as the 3racha guys

he and felix will rap along horribly to their songs in front of them and jisung’s just crying in the background like TnT

and he’s rapping in a few of the instagram videos when the group are just chilling, messing about

but that’s about it

people keep requesting for him to do a whole song or smth

but he’s kinda shy??? like, he wants to improve more before showing everyone else

he stays up late practising and the guys are proud of the effort but are always telling him to rest <3333

the instagram is also filled up with loads of his selfies because he just really loves taking pics

but he’s always doing something funny in the pics

like chan was sleeping and he used snapchat’s faceswapping filter on himself and chan

it was so weird but he still posted it bc yolo

also got a short video of himself shooting a fingergun at felix

and then felix, in the back, moved his head as he got shot

it took really long to align felix’s head with the end of hyunjin’s finger gun

but the outcome was worth it

he slowed down the video and it looked really badass

he’s also got blackmail material on everyone in the group

from the full video of changbin acting cute to the most ugly screenshots during their skype/ face time sessions

he has shit on jeongin too

but he’s too nice to actually use it against him

jeongin usually just listens to him anyway

so he keeps the screenshots for sentimental reasons

he’s 1/4 of the ‘00 line gamers

and whenever they’re in a group game together

he’ll call the shots and be leader

and they all listen to him

bc he has almost always lead his team to victory

he was all bashful like “guuuuys we’re a TEAM, we don’t need a leader”

but they made him leader anyways

takes advantage of seungmin’s lack of proper strategy when he’s against him and always goes after him to perfect new trickshots

and then in the next match they’ll be on the same team and he’ll do a complete 180 and help him out so much

he likes how they all depend on him and trust him

not just during games but when the guys have their serious talks too

he knows that he can trust them with whatever and vice versa

also really loves how the older guys (esp. chan) will try to help him because he’s quite young, still learning life and going through typical teenage stuff

and also loves how there are other guys that are his age so he finds it easier to relax around them all

will also try to give the ones younger than him his own advice

(he feels so mature when he does that like wow damn you go hyunjin!)

i feel like this one wasn’t as good as the other ones sorry =\ feedback is appreciated &&& thanks for reading!!

[groundramon]

Statement

I didnt want to write this but I’m too fucking tired to respond to anymore people who go into my ask box. I’ve already gotten 4. Leave me alone. Also I apologize for not censoring @ ‘s.  Obviously, do not send hate to anyone.  Because I, unlike Peri, do not endorse that.  Your white knighting will not hurt Peri and it will not help me - it will just help Peri feel more justified.  So seriously, to any of my friends/mutuals/followers reading this - do not.

DISCLAIMER: I knew peri back when he still used they/them pronouns. If I ever accidentally refer to him with those pronouns, please don’t hone in on that, but please DO tell me about my mistake so I can go and fix that. This is not an excuse, its still wrong of me to do and i apologize if I accidentally do it anywhere in this post - it is an explanation and an invitation to hold me accountable without using it to destroy the whole point of my post.

DISCLAIMER #2: there is a lot of nuances to our relationship that I will never be able to describe in text. Such as the fact that as little kids, Peri and our other friends were the ones who “corrupted” my sense of humor (not in a problematic way, I was just a really naive little kid). We always made jokes about me being the least mature out of the group despite being the oldest.

DISCLAIMER #3: Yes, I made mistakes. No, I did not put out a callout about Peri “just to start shit”.  I have apologized for my mistakes and learned better, and would be happy to write another apology genuinely outlining what I did wrong if Peri didn’t lie about me at every given opportunity.

I never put a callout on Peri until now.  Maybe once when this first happened, i told people to unfollow him...I genuinely cant remember.  I know I added him to my carrd as DNI, but he did it first, and I did it in response to that.  And I removed it long ago.  He also mocked me for calling him my abuser after one of his friends block evaded me to tell me to fuck off, and I found out said friend did that because Peri had been calling me “a danger to minors”, a racist (Peri is white and kept making Hetalia jokes up to a few months before we stopped being friends even though literally I never did) and a lesbophobe (ok peri is a lesbian), and more important, accusing me of stalking.  His definition of stalking was to check his twitter profile obsessively.  I know he did this to me, because he mentioned one of my discourse threads about SPOP and misrepresented my argument (he said I called Catra abusive - I called Catradora toxic and clarified that Catra is not an abuser).  I’m not here to debate the definition of stalking, but heres the thing - at that point, it had been...I think 3 months after we broke off?  And I hadnt checked his twitter since a week after we broke up.  Literally.  I’m sure I have no way of proving that now, OVER A YEAR LATER, but it’s true. I have proof about the hetalia joke.  It was literally just a joke about my piccrews looking like America.  But considering years ago, Peri (and our shared abuser who I dont plan on discussing very much publicly for obvious reasons) were the ones who got me into Hetalia, it hits a very sore spot with me to call me a racist right alongside our shared abuser who would go by japanese names for the ~aesthetic~.  And thats the thing throughout all of this - did I do wrong by Peri? Absolutely, and I’m not going to remember everything flawlessly either. I’m not a flawless person and we were friends for like 7 years.  But Peri is acting like he’s never done anything wrong in his life.

He also has a pattern of doing this - he accused me and his ex-friend Rainy (me and Rainy are friends) of making fun of our abuser’s art constantly and probably now making fun of Peri’s art constantly (we did make fun of the abuser’s art, but tbh it was gallows humor, and still not something I’m proud of.  I have literally never made fun of Peri’s art.  In fact, it makes me feel awful that I have a pit in my stomach whenever I see it, because I always enjoyed Peri’s unique art style up until the day we split.)  He’s hurt so, SO many other people too.  I can think of 13 just off the top of my head.  The person who block evaded me to yell at me about something I literally never did?  Literally went through the same shit me and Rainy did.  Most of these people are not going to like me, and yet I could probably ask for their testimony and it would match my experience very closely, except the key difference being Peri gave up on them already.

Peri talked about me THREE TIMES in the last week (I believe - I didnt check dates and i literally found peri’s account accidentally while going through chicken smoothie. yes, it was my choice to scroll down and look for my name, but i was like, the second post on his tumblr and i was just trying to see if the posts were recent or old bc i thought he was inactive on here.

Here are all of the posts in case he deletes them - sorry I dont have timestamps, he went private so I cant get evidence, obviously.

Admittedly, the last one is pretty understandable, I feel the same way going through my old shit and seeing Peri’s posts/art/etc. But two times after that? But no I’m the one for starting shit, even though I can disprove both of this posts.

For that first post:

1. I didn’t debate shit, I asked a question because I saw a bi woman bring up a good point about why bi women shouldn’t be allowed to use butch/femme.  Admittedly, asking your closest (not only! just closest) lesbian friend about all lesbian issues is kind of a dick move, but I was just trying to figure out how to argue against that point so I could support my lesbian friends.  Now I realize that it’s wrong of me to bother getting involved on either side and I should just support my lesbian friends and their voices instead of getting directly involved.  Yes, I was wrong, but i did not argue with a lesbian about whether or not butch/femme can be used by nonlesbians, I was ASKING A QUESTION.

2. I was trying to be a supportive friend. He was crushing on Rainy - who was identifying as a gay (trans) man at the time by the way, but I only ever see Peri use this as evidence for me being lesbophobic, not homophobic and transphobic.  Gee I wonder why?  Oh right, it’s because Peri hates Rainy and doesn’t care.  Anyways, yes, it was wrong of me.  At the time I didn’t understand a lot about comphet so I was just trying to be supportive.  I do think I expressed relief when Peri said he and Rainy had broken up and realized their feelings were platonic, as i was confused about the whole situation.  I was trying not to gatekeep Peri from his own damn community, because I’m not going to tell him his feelings are invalid when I’m not a lesbian.  You cant get mad at me for policing lesbian labels, and then not policing lesbian labels enough- what??  I don’t think I did anything wrong per say in this situation because I was telling white lies to be a good friend but I do know better now and try to emphasize that “and if you find out its comphet and you’re still a lesbian then thats totally valid!!!” and in fact I even think I did that at the time??

Both of these instances (I believe) are buried on an old server that I no longer have access to.  It’s possible they still exist.  But I didn’t think this thing with Peri would last well over a year later so I didn’t bother documenting any of it.  If peri has the screenshots, I would love to see it.  This is not sarcasm, I genuinely want to be informed what I did wrong.  I have a lot of great friends now and I would hate to hurt them by repeating mistakes I don’t even remember making.  I can’t learn if I’m not informed.  Once again, this is not sarcasm, irony, or passive aggressive.  This is genuine.  All I ever asked from Peri was to talk to me.

These are the last messages we exchanged before Peri’s goodbye message.  This is what our relationship was like.  And do NOT fucking tell me “Peri is clearly uncomfortable” - I’m autistic, Peri is neurodivergent, I do NOT read into subtext.  I have an anxiety disorder and will literally never be able to function if I read into everything as passive aggressive.  My autism does not excuse abusive behavior - but if you do not tell me about this behavior, which Peri never did, I can never get better.  I do not read that “im fine” as a silent plead for me to leave him alone when he literally was always talking about how annoyed he was by people overanalyzing his responses, seeing hostility where there was none, and he specifically said not to read into short replies as anything personal.  He said he had compassion fatigue.  Which is why I left him be until I had no choice.

The last vent I mentioned said “Shitty friends, shitty friends” on his private twitter.  I was worried it was about me and Rainy, because I figured if it wasnt, he would’ve told us who it was about.  And he never did.  So I’m pretty sure it was about us.  After disappearing for the day and making me and Rainy worried that he was suicidal, he sent us this goodbye message in our mutual server (which the only reason i have this is because i sent it to another friend because i didnt know how to feel and needed guidance)

This goodbye letter, despite seeming nice on the surface, blamed the trauma that me and Rainy faced as well as our particular interests for Peri leaving us.  One of my boundaries in our friendship was to tell me if anything was wrong so I could improve it and be a better person, and Peri broke that trust.  He was absolutely a shitty friend in that regard.  But just this goodbye letter I would’ve bought despite being disappointed...if he hadn’t called us shitty before.

By the way, at the time, the only thing I could think this would be about was not trusting Peri’s gut about some randos.  Rainy and I wanted to give those people a fair shot, and Peri accused us of not trusting him because of it.  You do not get to dictate who your friends do and dont hang out with, and you dont get to guilt trip them for hanging out with someone who has literally done nothing to you except act a little bit too much like our shared abuser Moony, wtf?

Peri also accused me of saying he and Moony were the same, when I did no such thing.  Rainy did!  And I immediately chastized Rainy for it, clarifying that I thought they were two different beasts entirely.

I forgot what I was talking about uhhh.  Oh yeah!

I’m not the one still talking about you over a year later.  I’ve moved on.  Remove me from your DNFI.  I didn’t remove you from mine because I realized I was the abuser and you were the victim - I removed you because I’m fucking done with this situation.  I only brought it up with your friend because you LITERALLY BLAMED MY INTERESTS AT THE TIME IN YOUR FAKE-ASS APOLOGY.  And what were me and Rainy talking about a bunch at the time?  Digimon!!  Aka the person who I talked to’s special interest!  I told them I would fuck off if they asked and I encouraged them to talk to you about it and have a genuine conversation.  Because I, unlike you, am a good person who lets people come to their own conclusions.

Also, you were 2 weeks away from being 16, and I was a few months into being 18.  Here are some of our conversations about becoming QPPs!

Should I have entered a QPR with my 7+ year friend who literally shaped me into who I am today when they were almost 16 and I was already several months into being 18?  Probably not!  But adulthood isn’t just some switch that goes off, and I was a dumbass.  Peri’s current GF is apparently being accused of being a predator, or something, according to one of Peri’s other posts?  I dont know whats happening because im not! a fucking! stalker! but Peri of all people should know what it’s like to have a small age gap blown into something bigger than it is.  Peri and I’s relationship didn’t change a whole lot after becoming QPPs - we were still close friends.  But after literally growing up with Peri, I didn’t realize that I needed to enact healthy boundaries with someone so young when they were the one who used to “troll” me when we were kids (AKA pretend to be mad at me or pretend to be someone else and then say “haha just kidding!” just to cause problems).

Peri has clearly built me up to be some kind of villain in his head.  And that’s fine, I really don’t care.  I go months without thinking of Peri, and he’s just a bad memory whenever I do think of him - well until I found out he’s calling me a pedophile and accusing me of making callouts that I never did and generally has been a pot calling the white marble countertop grey for the past year or so.  But I dont care.  I DONT CARE.

But if you want me to stop warning people about you, its simple.  Stop spreading lies about me.  Take my name out of your public vocabulary.  Take me and Rainy off your DNFI.  I do not think about you, I do not talk to people about you very often, most of my current friends didn’t know the things you did until today because I had no reason to tell them.

For anyone uninitiated - all you need to know is that this person’s tumblr title is “an aphobic [reclaimable slur]” and so by admission they like to harass other minorities for fun.  Seriously, you don’t have to be an ace inclusionist or even believe aphobia is real to just be a nice person, what the fuck?  This post in particular is extremely telling.

Also they retweeted a post from someone with the username “panphobe” so.

Just a few notes.  Hope the asexual who stans a literal stated aphobe gets tired of licking that boot soon.  And Peri too.  Your obsession with me is more unhealthy to you than it is to me.  Just...drop it.  I will only add to this if more accusations are thrown my way.   I am done with you.  You have a repeated behavior of this shit, and I want to add more things but they’re heresay from other people so I don’t feel comfortable adding them.  But yeah.  Stop hurting people.  Stop bullying people and being angry and aggressive for fun.  You’re not as cute as you think you are.  There’s a reason this shit keeps happening to you.  Get better soon.

As for me, I think I’ll spend the next three months going back to forgetting you exist.  I liked it there.  But you can keep thinking I’m stalking you if you’d like.  I have all the proof and evidence I need that you’re a fucking liar right here.  And most of your tweets accusing me of shit are deleted too.  Now leave me the fuck alone.

PS, even if aroaces arent oppressed, sending them hate messages based on something they cant control is really shitty :) its not like we’re still a minority group or anything!  I’m also literally trans, so you’re proving the fact that the bad exclusionists always target other LGBTs who happen to be aspec for their harassment :) but keep it going keep it going, every spiteful message sent to me specifically because im aspec and part of the LGBT community just fuels my agenda.

[detrevniwrit]

re: kacchako is bad (responses)

oh my god I'm going to answer all of these in one post because it’s been a freaking long day and i have no desire to answer each individual permutation of the same sentiments over and over again

read more this time bc it didn’t seem clear enough last time by the bolded ‘kacchako is bad title’ that you can scroll past if you’re sensitive to criticism because this is a criticism of kacchako.

Concern:

Don’t tag it in the ship tag if it’s hate! Just blacklist it if it bothers you so much. People can ship it if they want, don’t be mean/an asshole! :(

Answer:

I can't believe I'm getting "let people ship what they want don't spread hate it's never worth it" msgs in this year of our lord 2017. Don't moralize down to me about spreading hate and quit acting as if I went into people’s inboxes to harass and specifically be mean to them. I used the tag, yes, but I did it to bring kacchako fans’ attention to legitimate concerns I have about the ship’s consequences, and I made my opinion very explicit in the bolded title of the post so people can scroll past if they’re sensitive. I thought it was worth the risk to my sanity to make sure that people who aren't as sensitive to criticism won’t just ignore that there are important issues with kacchako because it’s easier, or because they just don’t know/never thought about it. (I’m now partially feeling it wasn’t worth it, but determined to stand by my points)

Concern:

I think kacchako is fine and I don’t defend abuse! I just imagine them in a place where Bakugou is grown up and not abusive anymore and Ochako doesn’t take that shit!

Answer: 

It has occurred to me that it’s rarely anyone’s intention to support abuse, which is why I bothered to write the original post at all. To reiterate my argument so I don’t get confused ‘kacchako is not abusive’s in my inbox, I’m not saying that kacchako is inherently abusive. I’m saying that as Izuku’s friend, Ochako wouldn’t be motivated to date Bakugou specifically because he bullies Izuku and has abusive tendencies towards her friend, and because she’s someone who cares about Izuku’s wellbeing she wouldn’t be interested in someone who continues to unapologetically treat Izuku like that. 

There is no ‘she secretly likes Bakugou’ right now, or vice versa. She just wants to catch up to Izuku. And Bakugou does not respect her more than he sees her as a threat.

To the reimagining future Bakugou part: again, I doubt anyone has the intention to erase Izuku’s experience as a victim of Bakugou’s bullying. I’m saying that no one writes Bakugou changing from a bully into a better person respectfully or realistically. Most interpret Bakugou’s one interaction with Ochako (in which he considers her a legitimate threat to beat) as an indicator of Bakugou beginning to change because of Ochako, even if after this interaction he’s still only interested in winning and dominating over others and if people are potentially in his way. 

Let me give you a definition of domestic abuse (my bolding):

"domestic abuse occurs whenever one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t ‘play fair.’ Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.”

All kacchako shippers imagine a future Bakugou as someone who automatically deserves forgiveness for not being an asshole anymore, most likely due to Ochako keeping him in line, and not a single one has been able to describe, in informed detail, about how hard it is to change abusive behavior. 

“In discussing why abusers abuse, it’s clear that a lot of the causal factors behind these behaviors are learned attitudes and feelings of entitlement and privilege — which can be extremely difficult to truly change. [...] While we hope abusive partners will change, it’s not always realistic to expect that they can and will. Focus on changes you can control to improve your own life, because you deserved to feel loved, happy and safe.”

Signs of progress of changing abusive behavior include (some bolded for what I think kacchako shippers particularly don’t take into account often when characterizing future Bakugou):

Admitting fully to what they have done

Stopping excuses and blaming

Making amends

Accepting responsibility and recognizing that abuse is a choice

Identifying patterns of controlling behavior they use

Identifying the attitudes that drive their abuse

Accepting that overcoming abusiveness is a decades-long process — not declaring themselves “cured”

Not demanding credit for improvements they’ve made

Not treating improvements as vouchers to be spent on occasional acts of abuse (ex. “I haven’t done anything like this in a long time, so it’s not a big deal)

Developing respectful, kind, supportive behaviors

Carrying their weight and sharing power

Changing how they respond to their partner’s (or former partner’s) anger and grievances

Changing how they act in heated conflicts

Accepting the consequences of their actions (including not feeling sorry for themselves about the consequences, and not blaming their partner or children for them)

Making Bakugou an adult does not change that you need to write him checking his abusive behavior.

Concern:

But Bakugou has changed at this point in the manga---he and Izuku now have an understanding of trust and respect.

Answer:

Bakugou has only demonstrated one instance that he could be changing. Though change for Bakugou is a good and decidedly difficult feat, one instance does not an abusive pattern break.

Let me direct you to the classic cycle of abuse by psychologist Lenore Walker, with helpful manga caps from Ch. 117-121:

1) Tension building phase 

2) Acute battering phase (in which Izuku absolutely does not want to fight at first until he feels obligated to)

3) Honeymoon phase

“The abuse may be terrible, but the promises and generosity of the honeymoon phase give the victim the false belief that everything will be all right.”

Secondly, to the aforementioned abuse-changing bullets Bakugou has not achieved up to after he’s fought with Izuku Ch. 117-121:

Admitting fully to what they have done

Accepting responsibility and recognizing that abuse is a choice

Accepting that overcoming abusiveness is a decades-long process — not declaring themselves “cured”

Thirdly, to what he is beginning to do

Stopping excuses and blaming

Carrying their weight and sharing power

I concede that Bakugou is making steps towards change because he is a hardheaded egoistic teenager who up to this point hadn’t offered help out of his own volition. But if you’re taking this as a sign that he’s anywhere near lasting and permanent change, even years from now---I almost literally just wrote a foot of text and references as to why that isn’t realistic or respectful towards the realities of abusive behavior. Please realize you are likely oversimplifying his path towards change.

Concern:

Not all kacchako shippers are like that! I know (insert fanworks here) that are respectful, good, etc,

Answer:

Show me. I’m more than willing to take a look and then give you my detailed opinion afterwards, if you’d like.

Concern:

I’m not trying to force a het agenda, I just like the dynamic.

Answer:

I mentioned before that people may not realize their intentions don’t match up with consequences. I just wrote more than 2 hours worth explaining why kacchako doesn’t have a sensical basis for a good relationship and am considering just passing out on the spot right at this moment in sheer exhaustion. I’m just going to post screenshots that actually do have the aforementioned good qualities and ask politely that you consider these respective Ochako and Katsuki ships, instead of kacchako het, which endorses a contrived relationship over not straight ones that actually have a basis of mutual affection in canon:

Fuck, if you really really want to ship Uraraka with a guy Iida and/or Midoriya have plenty of shared affection and solid relationships with her, I trust you don’t need me to screen cap to know that. 

Concern:

If Bakugou is so problematic, wouldn’t any ship with him be problematic (including kiribaku)?

Answer:

Finally a good question. I would say yes and no. Yes, because if you’re a survivor of abuse it’s perfectly valid and understandable not to want to think about Bakugou and his potential romantic partners at all. No, for a variety of reasons, using kiribaku as an example: 

a) Bakugou and Kirishima are established friends with a relatively healthy, mutual relationship. Bakugou has a foul temper but he’s not abusive towards Kirishima, even going out of his way to---admittedly badly---help him study (above caps from the manga and light novel); Kirishima admires Bakugou, finds positive qualities in their friendship, and isn’t cowed, wary, or disgusted by him, like Ochako or Izuku and many others are. tl;dr, there is plenty of solid evidence to back up the mutual affection, respect, and trust between them, something that kacchako and---god forbid---bakudeku lack.

It’s actually good for Bakugou to learn how to develop uncontrolling behaviors through healthy relationships where he doesn't feel the need to dominate over his partner.  He can’t do this with Ochako, with whom he regards as nonexistent at best, and a threat to him as Izuku’s lackey at worst (I discussed this in detail further up). Referring back to the changing abusive behavior list, Bakugou’s relationship with Kirishima demonstrates that Bakugou can learn a) respectful, kind, supportive behaviors and b) carrying weight and sharing power. This doesn’t justify how Bakugou treats others, but it does facilitate a view of how Bakugou would be able to treat others better, which I think is worth exploring.

Concern:

Why do you care so much? People ship bad/problematic stuff all the time lol there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Just let it be or blacklist it or something??

Answer:

I’m maybe foolishly invested in the idea that some people don’t have to be like that when they’re informed and engaged in critical discourse, and well fuck I have time and resources and have already started two godamned things this weekend with fandom out of probably masochistic impulses, so why the fuck not. 

Just because I don’t like something doesn’t mean I’m here to attack people or be unwilling to talk to them about it---rather, I’m more concerned that people are so unwillingly to talk about why the things they like isn’t good?? 

Kacchako is just one instance. I can provide a lot more examples of this kind of behavior in different areas of interest, in detail, with plenty of support and reasons, over private message. Otherwise, I’m not interested in making a detailed -post- of examples of bad kacchakos because honestly, I’ve already spent a lot of my time writing this when I could be discussing more pressing issues. The downsides of hyper focus.

On that note, forgive me if I don’t immediately respond to further replies any time soon after this post. After more than 10 messages that entirely missed the point I’ve exhausted myself thinking people could put aside their first impulses and self-indulgences to maybe formulate better opinions on tumblr.com, rather than sending me vague, misinformed, and/or childishly defensive insults that don’t actually tell me I’m wrong.

[hxrryspotter]

It's pretty sad how you started this shit show and now you're avoiding it and trying to sweep it under the rug and ignore it. Like um nooo sweetie that just shows how even more of a horrible person you truly are :)

dont send me anymore more of these asks thanks, i’ll just delete them. firstly i didnt start it lmao. i made a small post without mentioning any name or blog and guess what. people started sending me her blog name and their own thoughts. i didn’t lie at all, not for one second. are you telling me i cant call out someone for their behavior? when it hurts so many people? bc im not talking out of my ass, sweetie… all the ‘evidence’ was already on her blog plus a lot of actual screenshots. nothing I said was an ‘opinion’, its what it is.

now onto what do you say? avoiding it and sweeping it under the rug? ive been sleeping, timezones are a thing sweetie, im sorry you didn’t know that. im also not going to keep going on and on about it all day, every single day from now bc what on earth does that achieve. its over, its done. but cleary it seems like you want some drama.

lastly, if you want to point the finger at ‘avoidance’ maybe use it for the person who deleted her entire blog just to avoid everything. none of what happened yesterday would have ever happened if she just stopped making excuses for herself. honestly one sincere apology would have sufficied and we could have all moved on. i do not have time to indulge someone who finds an excuse for why she didn’t hurt someone but then turns it so it was their fault instead.

calling someone out, admitting that yes, they have problematic behavior, is not bullying. and im sorry to everyone that thinks that way. bullying would of been if i mercilessly sent her mean anons, told everyone to unfollow and block her and to hate her. did i do that… no. i literally just said 'yes she is problematic and yes i have my own story with her but putting that aside, i have people upon people coming to me and telling me or my friends, how much clara has hurt them either directly or indirectly and all she does is continue to make excuses instead of 'yes im sorry i hurt you and made you feel this way.’

fun fact: if you hurt somebody, you dont get to suddenly decide that you didn’t. you dont suddenly decide to play the victim and call everything a 'misunderstanding’. im sorry but that’s not the way life goes, at any age.

[acethena-discourse]

@grungedyke Tumblr own’t let me reblogged, and i’m not sure if its being dumb or you blocked

Thanks for showing up dumbass. Your presence and your type of thinking in that server is like a tumor, do you realize that? You’re a spineless liar if you think a member saying they were leaving is “strongarming” someone, and those mods are truly either desperate or foolish to keep you in there. No wonder people are uncomfortable with the environment in there – you and other active users have a habit of distorting any disagreement into violent persecution while pretending everything on your side is completely “valid” and brave.

I’m allowed to stay because i don’t break rules. Even now, this isn’t breaking rules. I rarely interact with minors in the server unless they directly talk to me first. But please go off about how I’m terrible for thinking that demanding a mod force someone to stop unhealthy coping, and cropping that out is bad.

My claim that rules are more heavily enforced is directly addressing the fact that i have gotten in trouble for things i legit forget. Ie. THe server does not allow the word b*tch. So often i’ll type “bitching about’ and get a warning from dyno. Thats p fucking strict. I’ve also phrased things v poorly, and been told to either delete the message or clarification, I often opt to EDIT THE INFORMATION because I know exclus will screenshot the bad one, and not the new one. But okay.

Recently a rule has been implimented for triggers, telling us that server anouncemnts will be modifed with new triggers/squick as they appear. Now if you have issues with these instances of rules, please go take that up with the mods.

Now, as for your screenshot, yes, I did tell them to archive it, and how I’ve both handled people baying for blood over the art of 2 ocs in a server in the past. I locked the channel, put an NSFW ban in place, and then *archived them* something I’m surprised you are more grateful for. Considering not only would archiving the channel would keep the good advice (ie yes use lube, do not use soap like in fanfic etc.) along with the bad that yall screenshotted before.

You may pretend to be nice, but that typical tendersoft nerd innocent-white-person shit does not stop you from being predatory.

There is no pretending. I genuinely believe it or not, believe in being nice to just about everyone I come across. That includes you, or a stranger on the bus or even someone walking by my house in a fucking ski mask. Being polite, and kind is just something I believe in. Until you give me beyond a reasonable doubt, I don’t even owe you basic compassion, then you’re gonna get it. Yes, that includes for big mistakes like not having age roles when you were finding your feet in discord moderation. That includes, people like you, who are trying to accuse me of “preserving gross content” when the reality is archiving a chat is a neutral suggestion because it favors no one. But i see, clearly i should go around kicking random babies and yelling don’t touch me. Because clearly if i’m not openly 100% mean to everyone, i must have some ulterior motive for my kindness right?

Can you name a single change to the rules aside from this recent “keep all the messages and let the adults keep reading them” shite?

See the above. In the past when users got banned all their messages would be deleted. They started keeping this for context. Then there's last year where someone decided to doxx a bunch of discords and said “Btw I did this bc uwuw you don’t edit screenshots” it took two weeks to give or take for mods to come to a verdict on what to do. So they made the rule that screenshots may not have their og username in them. Based on this, alone, i suspect the nsfw channels and sex ed might not be reopened for a similar period of time until the mods make new rules and clarify old ones.

It’s irrelevant and maybe even suspicious for you to bring up the wrongdoings of people who are completely unrelated to this situation. You’re already deflecting onto other people, offering no evidence of the “context,” and bitching on behalf of the mods. If you were in any way committed to safety or improving the situation, you wouldn’t be bringing up random people and downplaying things you obviously witnessed.

“offering no evidence of the context” for someone in the server you would know a handful of things about me 1) mobile tumblr is hell and i attach information from pc once I can. 2) I was out of town for someone so eager to screenshot me funny how you were so eager to forget that information.

So heres screenshot 1

Funfact i did not, and still don’t know what agere is. Now i will say my stance on cgl is that its not for me. I don’t like it, i don’t want to hear about it. But as long as both participates are 18, i also don’t need to know about it. Now if a minor was in chat, said “i participate in cgl with my partner” i would full stop be like what the fuck. And would leave if the mods decided to condone it, but that isn’t what happened. But you can see the mods do point out that if an unhealthy relationship or it was discussed at all outside of nsfw- channels they would be warned, banned, or reported.

Then there is the obvious mention that age regression isn’t a consenting adult, yeah. Ya dang right it not motherfucker. But let's talk about the word AGERE in relation to this. I’ve never once heard that there is a special word for nonsexual coping mechanism. So like damn, I’ll just add that into my vocabulary.

But I didn’t know that word exists, me saying “non sexual cgl” or “coping cgl” is literally me acknowledging that I find that eh but ultimately okay between consenting adults who are not aged regressing vs sexual cgl.

screen shot 2

In this a user tries to suggest the mods have a moral obligation to inform someone its “unhealthy” when mods point out that no they do not, but nor do they allow users to go off telling everyone “Oh cgl is a great coping mechinism you should do it to.”

Which is important. Because again, I hate cgl, but I also am of the mind that, i can’t stop it. I outright can’t, so no i’m not gonna get involved in someones personal road to recovery and be like “you’re disgusting”. I can however tell them to keep it away from me, and not to discuss it in channels minors can see. (a policy that has been in place for a while now.)

screenshot 3

More of the mods not condoning it, and stating p clearly that policies have changed since 2017/early 2018. I’ve been in the server since july 2018ish. And things have been nearly constantly evolving.

screenshot 4

Mods again emphasizing that you can find the policy changes since the messages have changed. Because that is important. They confined this to other channels. Why they didn’t delete the information in sexed, i can’t actually say one way or another. They might have kept it because they believe in mistakes of that caliber being left alone. But you also have no evidence for why they kept the og messages.

But the reason, i consider what herpcourse did lying by omission, is herpcourse led you to believe the above screenshots were out in the open. The ones i just posted happened in some random channel. They did not, they happened in an age locked channel. That only adults are in. And mods are under no obligation to 1) be your personal therapist, 2) nor are they obligated to go “uwu reminder cgl in all situations no matter what is disgusting you dirties” because doing so is preformative. One of the mods is squicked by it just like me. But please go off about how admitting past mistakes happened, refusing to performatively disown something, and refusing to tell anyone who mentions it in the age locked channels is actually gross and unhealthy when you know nothing about them is bad.

I did not, in fact, witness anything in sexed, because I don’t go there. I only witnessed the stuff that followed herpcourse callout, which means the above messages. I have sexed muted.

I also didn’t bring up random people I brought up a known predator who is on youtube, actually sends salacious photos to minors, and is p safe to say fucking gross, my point was there are actual sharks in the water, please stop focusing on the tuna. Because you can surprise, call out both behaviors. But i’ve yet to see an exclus call out someone like pkrussel, instead choosing to focus on people who might have a seemingly large following in one community. Me pointing out sharks in the beach and asking you to stop focusing on tuna, is not telling you to ignore the tuna.

I’m only as committed to this situation as anyone can be, which isn’t v much considering I’ve yet to witness someone grooming a minor in gen chat. Or witnessed them grooming minors at all. The only skin i have in this game is the following: Minors still being allowed access to decent sex-ed resources and being allowed to ask questions. And 2) my own personal discomfort with all cgl. My hope is that rules do become more clear, maybe only discussion of sex ed by users to be direct questions only. Meaning a minor can come in ask a direct question and receive a direct answer. Which while not ideal sex ed, is sitll better than what i got, what you probably got, and what they’re likely getting (if getting any at all)

The mods are not level-headed and not passive when they actually care and think they have control. They’re cowardly, that’s the difference. They literally got more mad over someone making fun of one of their icons and a minor saying genuine trauma with the q slur is possible.

I don’t expect them to be 100% level headed. I’d honestly be kinda upset if they didn’t display emotions when shit like this happens. But please give me a source on the icon thing (which btw, no you shouldn’t make fun of people, period) and for the minor saying ‘queer can have trauma’ bc I do think it can. But if you join fya, you can’t request it be tagged as qlur. Because there is a lot o discussion not only of queer as a personal identity but also queer as a history. Which means groups like queer nation, or shows today like queer eye. And just like I hope if I’m discussing the motorcycle gang made up of lesbians called dykes on bikes and their history, you’d not want me to censor, or remove their history and accomplishments by calling them “d-slur on bikes uwu” you don’t expect me to censor the discussion above. But to my knowledge, the denial is not “queer isn’t used as a slur” its “queer as an identity deserves respect, and to insist its evil is to take the word our oppressors used and give it back to them.”

Also what’s with you specifically and always bringing up “afab” as a gotcha descriptor in arguments? What are you trying to say?

Bc lets be real, when you talk about ddlg, you’re talking about an afab person dressing up as a child and calling her partner daddy while he fucks her most times. Didn’t know to point out the difference between that and agere was in fact a “gotcha” based purely on the agab of the person. But okay.

You need to leave and delete your five blogs from anywhere you can speak to minors like yesterday.

Okay, what are the five blogs? Bc I’m only aware of...literally none that interact with minors in conscious effort.

I highly doubt there’s any reason for them to have changed, considering the execrable atmosphere in that server, so here’s a screenshot of one mod (toytulini) going Karen mode along with a bunch of other 20+ year olds while the minor they were targeting tried to defuse the situation as mentioned above.

What is the context? Bc i legit don't’ see any. I see them arguing, btu about what, I don’t know, if i  was involved myself, I do not remember. So again, not much of a smoking gun. It looks like they were trying to get someone to actually *understand* what was being said, but that wasn’t appearing to happen. But again, missing context such as what the argument was about, why that started, so on so forth. also if the person was told not to argue there, yeah, they should have moved it. as per server rules, there are channels to argue in, that wasn’t one. So no matter the context, if they were breaking rules, and did not move when requested, yes, they should be given a ban based on whatever the conversation topic was.

Now, i’ve provided evidence. I’m gonna go to bed, please feel free to dm me here if you need me to clarify anything or want to throw out accusations about how being kind must be predatory af since i’m barely an adult and adults lose compassion after becoming 18.

[ts-caymanislands]

Ahrre’s Jury Question

Alright hello lads and congrats on making it til the end. I'm bad with introductions so let's jump in.

First off thank you both for having good speeches and not the usual parade of fancy words with all the substance of a water soup or the "I was this omnipresent being literally jesus and masterminded the game" kinda overselling bs.

Also thank you for not talking the goat to the end, idk if it was the best move but at least it makes for a fun FTC and an adequate ending to what I see as a pretty good season.

Now Daniel I'll start with you since I read your speech first.

To start with I respect how willing you were to work with anyone, including TJ who from what I heard used to be some rocky stuff between you two before the game. This willingness also shows in you decision to flip on the bois and I think it was the correct one given your position since you weren't in a winning position within it. However that raises my first question.

Doesn't it say something about your game being weaker if at that point Vilma and I had bigger chances of winning over you? When we all had the same opportunities to play the game? In other words why were you at the bottom in terms of "winning merit" in that alliance instead of at the top and how is that not a bad thing?

Secondly you did mention you had Nick giving you a heads up during the Elsa vote as to what was going to happen, does this mean you: A. Knew the vote wasn't gonna go your way and decided to just sit there and watch Elsa go, why? or B. You weren't actually told about everything that was going on. Or is there something else I'm missing?

Now the here's the main weak point I see in you as a player, and that is that you're simply a bad liar or at least you were during this game, which in a game about deception you would think it's a pretty big deal.

Starting with the Nolan vote for some reason you made the decision to not show up in the bois alliance chat during the entirety of that week, did you honestly expected that something like that wouldn't raise a flag? Truth is it was obvious you were flipping which is bad if you're trying to blindside someone I would say....The only reason why I didn't do anything about it like tell Nolan or something is bc I wanted him out and was only voting Alex in case he played an idol. Maybe if you bothered to read the situation you would've realized that and spared yourself from having to awkwardly "leave someone in the dark" and no Vilma was not super close to Nolan, if you payed attention to what was going on it was pretty easy to tell she wouldn't throw the alliance under the bus just for him. So that's no excuse for not bothering.

Now this leads us the most unnecessary and mind baffling part where you told Vilma you had screenshots of Nolan throwing your and my name around. Which was not only not true but screenshots were also against the rules and your blunder got tribal delayed lol

AND THEN you told me you never talked to her about voting Nolan. Fully knowing she was probably the one that let me know and we were close so it would be your word against hers.

And yet you did it basically killing your chances of ever being seen as trustworthy against.

Why? Lmao, like what even was the benefit of such an insignificant lie?

Then when you said you were voting Alex at F7 when it was obvious no one in his right mind would do that considering all the threats that were around, like you weren't even trying.

And then you basically did it again with Bryce too at F6 never messaging anyone and simply saying alex when asked (and no being in the mountains is no excuse, plus you did the same the past two votes) and all this lack of care or knowledge about how to lie almost got you voted out and can still cost you the game.

So my final question for you is why such a shitshow in that regard?

Alright so now with Nick

Honestly I can't say as much about your game since after we swapped for the first time we weren't on the same side. But I think it was that time we were apart is what set us up against each other come merge, since none of our allies really overlapped plus it had been a while since we were last together

And this is why I find the lack of premerge goods on your speech disturbing. So you said you had alliances with everyone else outside of the bois when merge hit.

So tell me how did each of those alliances came to be, when and who was in each?

Back to the merge I do believe however I made an effort to reconnect, maybe not the biggest but communication is a two way street bud plus at least I have the excuse of playing two other orgs at the same time.

Additionally TJ did connect with me better witch really makes you wonder why that was the case with him as opposed to you.

So now you tell me your theory, why do you think that was?

Additionally I want to ask you, Did you knew about the split vote idea during the Elsa vote? How?

Anyhow some flips and flops later and it's F6

So ofc the idea to split votes  between me and someone else is the way to go. Yet for some goddamn reason I cannot wrap my head around you decided the other half of the votes were gonna go Bryce's way who was your ally, forcing him to play his idol.

So why on Earth didn't you make the split between me and Daniel instead of me and Bryce?

Since if I was Bryce I would be like excuse me what the fuck and you're costing yourself an idol that can come in handy next vote and most importantly Bryce's potential loyalty. Hell you said at F3 either guy was taking you to the end but I'm not so sure Bryce would've.

Which leads me to my final question:

Between Daniel and Bryce who would've you taken of you had won that final immunity?

Anyhow Nick and Daniel, that's gonna be it for me sorry if I made this a bit too long but oh well that's what she said? Looking forward to your answers and good luck!

First off yes, like you said yes you and Vilma were bigger threats. In my opinion this was due to the fact you were did have more of a driving force pre-merge, which I explained that I wanted. I never wanted an early target painted on my back once merge hit from all of the premerge business, so I let you and her take the credit. I feel like I was one of the driving forces come merge, but if I would have been premerge as well, my fate would have ended up exactly like yours. So this was an actual strategy not me lacking skills.

Now about the elsa vote, yes nick did tell me he thought that I wasn’t getting any votes. Then I went to you in pms hinting that nick said the votes were swinging towards Elsa on their side. Also, I didn’t want to get blamed for leaking nicks words and have blowback in later rounds from someone like nick or tj Bc I foresaw needing to work with them.

Ok yes, I know what happened at with the Nolan vote was messy, let me clear it up. So yes, I had planned on flipping this round.

Screenshots: Ok so, yes I did tell vilma I got screenshots from nick. I admit, I kind of exaggerated, BUT I wanted to get my point across and I didn’t realize screenshots were not acceptable. SO, nick actually did come to me saying nolan was throwing out your and my name. Additionally, he said he’d provide  “proof” if I needed it. I never meant to lie about the part where nolan said certain things because I honestly believed them to be true and had a lot of evidence to support it, it didn’t come out of thin air. I went a little to far with the “screenshot” part to get my point across but he did offer me proof.

Ok I think there is confusion about me going to vilma. I did NOT go to her telling her about the Nolan vote until two minutes before day change when votes were about to be read because I knew nothing could change that quickly and wanted give her a heads up. I never went to her to try and flip her, just to let her know. When I told you I messaged her at tribal I meant that it was literally so close to tribal it had no effect on the game. I knew you and her were close, so why would I have reason to lie?

And yes I never messaged in that alliance. I felt like if I chose to be fake and tell an outright it would totally cut all connections. So I thought it better to not say anything and give an explanation after. Yes, you could have gone to nolan, but with him not being in the alliance and playing both sides I thought there was a high probability against it. I get that this is a game of lying, but some lies are unnecessary and I didn’t feel like I needed to. So between those three things I never meant for them to be major lies and have it appear as such a shitshow.

At final 7, yeah that was a little messy. I knew you had lost all trust in me after all of that. I just threw out Alex because I knew he was an easy target and no one could really throw me under the bus when using a name like that. If I had said tj, then that could have been used against me and forced them to lose trust in me.

I never meant for that shitshow to happen and truly believe it was a major misunderstanding, and some poor explaining on my end. I truthfully thought some of those things weren’t lies, beyyou are right, it would make absolutely no sense for me to do that. 

At final 6, I understand if you don’t believe me, but I truly had no cell service. I have pictures of me trying to message my host chat without service and of all the animals i saw including bear, deer, and coyotes. I hope this clears everything up

I read your question once through, but it’s a lot. So I’m gonna go over it again and respond to each thing in order. So sorry if it feels a bit all over the place.

1) So premerge we obviously had our Lagarto alliance. During this time, I really built strong relationships with Daniel and Bryce. I knew Daniel from outside of this game so I came in knowing I wanted to work with him. But we had actually never played together before so I still had to feel it out and make it clear to him that I REALLY wanted to play the game. Me and Bryce also just hit it off really well. I found him extremely funny and enjoyable and really worked to build that bond up socially. BUT then we swapped. And the only person I was the same from Lagarto was Kailyn…. (who was pretty much inactive). HOWEVER, I ended up bonding with Nolan and TJ extraordinarily well. Nolan was obviously very smart and into the game and I just loved his attitude. Then, TJ and I simply just think the same way with everything. Me and TJ actually made an alliance with Jacob and then later, Nolan asked us for an alliance and we created one with us 3 and Kiler. Joey was also on this tribe, partially on the outs, but I got good vibes from him so I also kept him informed on the votes and my alliances made sure he voted with us. THEN we get yet another tribe swap. And this time, Daniel and Kiler chose to bring me and TJ to their tribe (on Pirata). Clearly they BOTH thought they could trust my vote and they both thought I was an asset to their game. But this also prevented me from meeting new people.

So, When we merged, the alliance between me/Kiler/TJ/Nolan stayed in tact and because we worked well with Joey and because the others worked well with Lexi during their swaps with her, we  all came together to create a group of 6 (and ended up voting out Elsa). YET, outside of this 6, my early bonds with Daniel and Bryce held up, and they told me what was going on outside of my group. To the point where as soon as we merged Bryce told me that you/Vilma/Daniel/Elsa had a group as well. And so not only did I come into merge being close with TJ, Daniel, Bryce, Joey, Nolan, and Kiler, I ended up in an alliance with Lexi (someone I didn’t talk to before merge due to us not being on the same tribe), and my alliance instantly decided to target Elsa someone else I didn’t talk to.

And if all of that is hard to believe, Look at the first competition in which, I made it to the final 2 in a competition where everyone was able to take out someone they didn’t want to win.

2) You’re right. looking back at our messages, we did actually attempt to reconnect with each other so I apologize for that. I feel like our lack of communication later in the game made me feel like there wasn’t much at merge. But I do think we both gave it a shot. But because I knew about your alliance, knew you were a duo with Vilma, knew you and Vilma were AMAZING at competitions, and simply had other allies, it was hard to think that we’d ever work together. Like, we did attempt to talk about votes early on too. But I knew you were bullshitting me the whole time and that made it so much harder to trust you. For example, I DID know about the Split vote plan to save Elsa and get rid of Joey because Bryce told me about it. So while I continued to be real with you and let you know I was voting Elsa, you kept telling me lies and so I knew you weren’t actually trying to work with me. You were just trying to get your vote through. So after a few rounds of this, I knew that we were simply against each other.

And as you said TJ was able to connect more with you. But (1) he didn’t really have the same connections I had, so he needed to (i.e. he didn’t have Bryce and he thought Daniel was closer to me so he went for you instead). and (2) Because I knew everything you were doing (since Bryce let me in on it), I knew that it’d be VERY unlikely I’d have your vote and instead relied on keeping Daniel’s and Bryce’s instead.

3) Like you said, splitting was obvious. But who do I split it on? Bryce is super loyal to me. Daniel’s loyal to me. TJ is loyal to me. So with all those allies, the only 2 people I want to leave are you and Kiler.

But at this point in the game, Daniel and TJ did not have much trust in Bryce. They both consistently questioned if we had his vote, and when F6 started, Kiler was pushing to vote out Bryce. So… if you look at it from Tj and Daniel’s perspective, you’ll see that they think we have 3 votes and just need a 4th to split it. They don’t trust Bryce (since Bryce actually lied to Daniel about voting Vilma and TJ and Bryce just didn’t talk much) and comparatively Bryce was OBVIOUSLY a bigger target than Alex ever was. So for them, knowing Alex wanted to vote Bryce anyways, they thought they for sure they had 4 votes and that we would be getting either the biggest threat, you, OR the second biggest threat, Bryce out that round (outside of ourselves, ofc)

Thus, when I finally convinced them to split in general (because you were claiming you were randomizing your vote, weren’t talking to me despite needing votes, and being very vague with Bryce and Daniel from what I heard so I couldn’t split it with you), I was assigned to vote you and not Bryce. So if I were to say ANYTHING else, they’d definitely question my loyalty and realize just how close me and Bryce were.

Since I knew that Bryce had the idol, I had no reason to risk them questioning my loyalty. Instead, I told Bryce they were after him. I explained that they assigned me vote you so unless he was certain he had you (which he never was), I couldn’t do anything to help him avoid a tie.

Additionally, I had an idol and assumed TJ wouldn’t vote me at final 5 anyways. So I knew that I needed to at least try to get you out (even if you did tell Bryce you were voting with him). Why? Well, you easily could’ve won your way to the end. BUT I also knew that I could use the idol to save me AND Bryce the next round. If you and Kiler decided to vote me, we knew TJ likely wouldn’t. So I could Idol myself and me and Bryce could just vote out one of you guys (since our 2 votes beats TJ’s one). OR if you, TJ, and Kiler wanted to vote Bryce, we could use the idol on Bryce, and me and him could vote out someone else there as well. So either way, we were both likely safe.

And since Bryce gave me the idol, I think he truly understood all of that (and since we didn’t know what you were doing, he never had a reason to question my loyalty since me flipping my vote didn’t help him any)

4). Honestly, going into it I wasn’t sure who I’d take. Bryce was easily my closest ally throughout the whole game. But I also knew that Daniel would never have voted me out because we knew each other outside of the game. So either way, I was gonna be a massive dick to someone. I honestly believed I had a chance to beat either. They both flipped at the same time and they both voted with me each round. When Daniel flipped he legitimately asked for you and/or Vilma to make Final 5. And I purposely took out you and Vilma because of that (and because you guys were threats in general). So, I knew I was had more control over the game than he did (and always knew more than he did because with the information me and Bryce shared with each other, no on win the game was able to do anything against us without the other one finding out). I also had MUCH closer connections than he did with people. Because TJ, Bryce, Kiler were all willing to get rid of him at any point. While, TJ and Bryce were not willing to get rid of me. On the other hand, Bryce literally gave me an idol and voted with Daniel and TJ even though they didn’t trust him. Due to his trust with me, he literally put himself in a position where people wanted him out (i.e. F7 and F6). So I think without me convincing Daniel and TJ to vote out Vilma and you instead (or me warning Bryce to use the idol), he would have been in massive trouble.

Long story short, I wasn’t sure. I knew Daniel personally outside of the game, and was in another Org with Bryce (where I could win $100). So, I can’t tell you I knew exactly what I was gonna do since I was never put into that position. But, I think I would’ve brought Daniel. Because I knew that he didn’t really have that much control over the votes, that I literally created his worst nightmare at F5 (i.e. him not having a shield), and because I think Bryce had better connections with the jurors that I wasn’t really ever close to (i.e. You, Vilma, Elsa) so it was more likely for Bryce to get those votes than Daniel

[artiya-il-muriel-chamuel-blog]

Caught.

😭

What.

I didn’t even know i was on your radar.

I genuinely thought that post in November was the last time you checked on my shit.

But this?

PRICELESS.

Ahhhhhhhhhaaaaahhahahahhaaaa.😭

At least spell the fucking word right.

And blocking me?

I haven’t checked your shit since April when i found out the post was about her and not me. (Though i should’ve stopped checking a long time ago. But you see how many things i post about you? LOL AS IF I’d stop my obsessive tendancies) but i was doing good , going on almost 2 months. But then i check my activities and ... 😭 bruh. how do you accidentally follow me and THEN block me. And why hasn’t tumblr taken out your name from my activities. I did myself the favor and deleted the notification bc i may write about you but i don’t want to know your kinky ass likes anymore or the asks you send girls for their snapchats and kiks and shit like the amount of times i wanted to screenshot and send it to her, but I’m not bc i want NO parts NOOOO parts . Im staying in my lane bc that is nottttt my business. Maybe y’all have an open relationship . Oh and btw one of your roommates was telling people you brought home a blond and fucked her 🤷🏽‍♀️ and then months later your girl came banging on the door yelling to talk with you. So i was like *sips tea * did you cheat David? I don’t think you did. Others were like a blond? His girl isn’t a blond and you HEARD THEM FUCKING? Nah he’s a cheater etc etc. But i was like nahhh he loves that girl he’d never cheat. The most you would do is like probably message some virtual girl when you’re bored and want attention but from experience i would hope you’d be smart enough to delete it. Evidence gone you know? But Physically cheat? Nah idc how much people say you’ve changed. You’re gonna marry that girl. And i don’t think you’d be dumb enough to do that even in your angriest lonliest days. I hope not David, BE NICE TO HER. Don’t be like dan entertaining other girls while you’re with her that’s so unfair ESPECIALLY because she’s older than you and has a job you should be thankful for her and cherishing her and if you’re like stfu right now you don’t know what you’re talking about. Then good. Bc i don’t know I’m just telling you what I’m hearing so be smarter with your actions and if you are being dumb at least be smart enough to never let her find out. Slip ups happen, you’re human, just learn and do better. But you see ? Isn’t it amazing I’m off campus bc people would come up to me like did you know blah blah and I’m like 😐 stop talking to me about him. Nah lowkey i was dead sipping my tea bc i don’t even like tea but the tea they would spill would be too good 😭. It’s the chismosa in me 🤷🏽‍♀️. But yeah copacetic is in your bio why spell it wrong as your new name? 😐 change it bc i know it now 🤷🏽‍♀️ but i can’t see what on your page just your bio but it’d be nice if you changed your name bc i KNOW how crazy i could be and I’d make a whole new shit just to see if you posted anything new on my super low stalker days which is why i deleted the notification so do a girl a solid and change your name please so i don’t go down that rabbit hole. I’m here talking like i know you’ll read this but 😏 you know I’m crazy, fuck you’re crazy too! I KNOW you are. Your life man. I don’t knowww and i don’t care because I personally talk about the past you not the current you. Memories of you that haunt me and that’s it. But come ON you can check my shit but not be my friend ?😭 you’re bugging. Say hi whenever unless your pride is like 🤢🤮 never will i ever let her have her way again.

But I’m already winning. 😭. You’re in a relationship and still message girls to get nudes. Why not ask your GIRL FOR NUDES instead of looking at other girls. But you know what I’m being hypocritical af rn. There’s nothing wrong in looking at nudes but like ASKING people for their social media platform to get them? WHILE in a relationship? Come on David 😕 do better. 😭 be better.

But i know not what your relationship is maybe y’all have an open relationship idkkkk not my place.

I know you’ll read this so I’m going to write a lot . You might stop reading now like. That bitch I’m not reading shit. But. Come on. You’ve gotten this far, anywho, yeooooo 😁 i hope everything is going good with you. Hope you got that job on deck. And you’re NOT 6’5” you’re tripping with that you’re barely 6’3” with your back straight. Sorry I’m just really trying to find the humor in all of this bc i was this 👌 close of calling and leaving a voicemail but I’m pretty sure I’m blocked on your cell also. I could be wrong but nah i texted you multiple times in hopes of having some cordial ending but you calmly were like scurt scurt. 🙄 annoying but understandable. But this? Ahhhh. I’m gonna be on a good high for like, probably until i go to Rome then I’ll get a good happy high there (like emotion wise not drug wise) but DAVID 😂 whenever you’re done being mad and weird, or “nonchalant” hit my line up so i can kick your ass on words with friends.

Oh man. 😂 i think that’s all i have to say. I just wanted to be like bringgggg that assssss hereee boyyyy for one last time.

Also, and i can’t believe I’m saying this. Because it’s like, ASHLEY, nooooo some things you don’t say.

But 🤷🏽‍♀️ sue me.

Actually don’t sue me bc i have no money ☹️.

But, change. 👏🏽your.👏🏽 email.👏🏽 on this. 👏🏽. Change it to the gmail, not the Lasalle one. Boy i told you that one time you called i checked your emails 🙄. And 👀 was Maddison the blond you might’ve fucked 🤔 you signed her in plenty of times at random times at night. But i would be like nahnahnah they’re just smoking buddies. But 😭 you know the chismosa in me is like *the picture of the guy with the strings piecing shit together like a conspiracy.* (see below for gif of it) but no. I believe you are an honorable man but 👀 you know i had to ask. ANYWHO big diversion. Yes, email. Change that shit. Why? Bc of a beautiful thing called YOU CAN SIGN IN TO TUMBLR USING YOUR EMAIL. So, you know crazy meeee back in like April totally invaded your privacy and read all your drafts 😅. Ugh. My heart. It swelled up soooo much. Why couldn’t you post that shit when we were together/ trying to work shit out so that i could read it and be like HE CARES HE ACTUALLY HAS A FUCKING HEART. But it’s okay that you didn’t they weren’t for me to read those were your personal thoughts that you specifically chose to not share with me but that’s dead why i thought the post was about me in April and then when i found out it wasn’t i was like WOW. But that’s cuz I’m stupid and should’ve never seen those in the first place i got SUPER in my bag about that. Listened to the playlist you shared with me on Apple Music about sad days. Smh. It was WILD. Anywho, Also this is how i know about you messaging girls on tumblr smh. And yes i have screenshots But that’s besides the point. The point is. Change your email to the gmail one. I’m not going to go through your shit anymore i haven’t since April bc i had a breakthrough with my therapist and found out that’s like jail time worthy behavior so i had to REIGN it the fuck in. But. Look at me telling the truth! Why? “Have you no shame Ashley? Like that’s psycho to an extreme even for you.” Is it really though? Like are you HONESTLY surprised ?

But yeah change that shit bc for all i know I’ll be at some low place again and will be like I WONDER and will go down the rabbit hole again and i do NOT have time for that shit.

Okay so , in conclusion. I’m trying to be good here, 1. I don’t know you, and I’m the last person to be judging you for things you may or may not be doing. 2. I’m not making fun of your relationship. I genuinely believe you’re going to marry her and have her kids i mourned about it in therapy fall semester but once i accepted it i was like okok it’s all good. 3. I may write about you not being there for me while i was raped a lot, this does not mean i think you’re a trash person or hate you for it. It was a shitty thing for you to do but you had your own life you had to deal with. I forgave you. It’s just something i can’t forget and randomly stabs me in the heart when I’m at my lows. I do not think you’re a trash person. You may be different from the boy i knew but that’s expected. Years of experiences changed you but i still believe you’re true and rad to your core. You love hard and you go hard for the people you care about. I believe you’re a good human. 4. Sorry for invading your privacy the times i did. I told you to change your email password 😭 but i know going to IT is a pain in the ass for it which is why i never changed mine but i knew you weren’t psycho like me so you wouldn’t be checking it anyways. 5. Change your email on tumblr to the gmail. That way i can never find your new tumblr or if you decide to change this name over and over. 6. Just change your email and change this name. You’ll be gone for good since you blocked me( I’m assuming that’s what this is since i can see your bio but not your posts or likes which is what google tells me means I’m blocked) 7. Heaven. Too slow. Drink. 8. Lol sorry i needed to make a joke but ayeee my favorite number so this has to be important. David, you know my spiel. You know how to contact me though i know you have no reason to but this is for future you in case in an not ideal world some shit goes down and you really just need someone to talk to and i know I’d be the last person you’d reach out to but, exactly, if it ever comes to that (God forbid, knock on wood)((not as a joke, legit, bc i genuinely want you to live a happy life)) but if it ever comes to that, my back is never turned to you. I’ll always be a message/phone call away. 9. This is the last post I’ll write specifically TO you. Any other post after this if it mentions you is bc, i do use this as an outlet and i used to reshape my words in hopes that you’ll see them but i don’t anymore (besides this one which is specifically targeted to you) the ones i write are to get them out of my system so i don’t suffocate. This is my outlet. So while you’re changing everything so i can’t find you on my bad days. This is for me. My eyes only (and the random people on the internet) but it’s not directed to you. And

10. I love you, you big butt. Through and through. Always have, always will. I don’t want you back. I understand why you don’t want anything to do with me. The past is the past. So, live fruitfully. Again, SORRY for invading your privacy. Please don’t press charges. I genuinely have no money for that type of thing.

Be nice. 😭 forgive meeeeeeeee.

Okay, have fun in all you do. You’re in the real world now kid ! On to the next adventureeeeee. ADVENTUREEEE.

Oh and this is the pic i was talking about when i said the picture guy piecing together shit vv