#also yes I was a little shit and I did kinda resent my friends for this sometimes but it isn't their fault. they were being forced

[milfbro]

I was a weirdo who only had like 2 friends, who couldn't do a single sport for shit, and so PE was always bad. Because I was basically stuck doing warm up kicks with my friends who were afraid of balls for half an hour then playing a match with people I don't know that well

Like. I get it ok. If you don't like sports, I totally understand that you don't want to be there. But I really really did. Instead I was forced to torture my friends for extended periods of time. I just spent the whole time having to hold back so they didn't feel so bad and none of us ever had fun ever

at least with volleyball I had girl friends who enjoyed themselves asdfghjkl

[littlexscarletxwitch]

── ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎ 𝗶 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂

paring: florence pugh x fem!reader

tag(s): angst-ish, fluff-ish, sfw, best friend's sister kinda trope, enemies to lover (but not so enemies), more like I like you but I act like I don't.

warning(s): grammatical errors, unedited, not proofread. Mentions of cheating, but not really (?)

word count: 2,307

note: I was scared to post this, because it's my first long fic (no that it's too long, but still) but I said fuck it. Also, Raffie is 19, meaning reader is 21. I want to keep on writing this trope for Florence ('best friend's sister'), but let me know your thoughts. Also, I suck at choosing titles so that was the best I could do. Was I listening to Taylor Swift while writing this and that's why Betty is named Betty? Yes, yes I was. I'm not a native english speaker, so please let me know about any sort of mistakes.

part 1 | part 2

The first thing Florence thought when she met you was: Wow, what an annoying little shit. 

You were loud, too loud for her liking. Couldn’t stay still and quiet for more than two minutes. Your whole presence annoyed her entirely. But she couldn’t do anything about it, since it was her little sister’s best friend who she was talking about. She had to learn how to tolerate you. She honestly didn’t understand what Raffie saw in you. In fact, Florence didn’t understand why her whole family liked you as well. 

Raffie met you in a pottery class, a class which Florence was pushing her to attend. But once her little sister came back home with you, she regretted ever pushing her so hard to take that stupid class. She even knew that her little sister didn’t like pottery, she just wanted for her to have some fun. She didn’t expect for her to meet you and turn Florence’s world all around. Ever since that class Raffie and you spent every living minute together, whether it was at her house, yours, or somewhere else messing around. Which meant that Florence was also around due to her parents telling her to  take care of her little sister. She felt as if you were a parasite in her life, but she was the only one that was suffering the symptoms. And she never seem to get rid of you. You were everywhere, suffocating her. Making every moment of her existence miserable. Or that's what she thought. Everytime she would look your way she would get this sick feeling in her stomach, which could only mean bad things, right?

She was so excited when she moved out of her parents house. Not only would it mean a new experience for her, a new life, but it would also mean not seeing your stupid face ever again. But all that came crashing down the second you walked through her front door, holding hands with some girl she never met before, and her little sister on your other side. 

A month. Only a month had passed since she last saw you. She thought you were already in her past, but there you were once again, right in front of her. Her heart started beating faster, a burning feeling in her chest, and she could swear the temperature in the room had risen. But it wasn’t possible, after all winter had just begun. She should be cold, not warm and all sweaty. 

You were a trembling mess. You didn’t want to come, you were only doing this for Raffie. You knew Florence hated you. Well, hate is a strong word, but you knew that was how she felt towards you, she made sure plenty of times to let you know that. Always giving you the death stare, or rolling her eyes everytime you said something. How she wouldn’t laugh at your jokes, even though everyone would .How she tried to stay as far away from you as she could. Every little thing she did to you only broke your heart. 

At first you tried your best to stay aways from the Pughs, for yours and Florence’s sake. But Raffie would never let you go, and deep down you thanked her, because your life would suck without her in it. Still you always tried your best to stay away from her blonde sister. You didn’t understand why the resentment from her, you didn’t do anything to her, at least anything that you were aware of. 

What hurt the most was that you really liked her. Yeah, how stupid of you to develop a crush on the one person that can’t even stand the sight of you. But how could you not? Yeah, she was a cold bitch to you when everyone was around. But from time to time, she would let her guard down and show you her true colors. Of course, that would only last a few minutes, her cold attitude would come back as soon as some else would be around you two. It would happen so fast, you’d think it was just a product of your imagination. Something that your brain would come up with to ease the heartache that she caused. 

“Hey, big sis!”

Raffie loved her sister and she loved you as well. And she didn’t understand why two of her favorite people couldn’t get along. Well, she actually knew the reason why. She could feel the tension everytime you two were in the same room. But if she had to be honest, it wasn't just tension, it was sexual tension. She knew it, her parents kinda knew it, god, even her big brother knew it. She just couldn’t figure out how you two didn’t come up with that. It was crystal clear. 

She knew you had a thing for her sister, it was written all over your face. She knew you better than yourself. But she also felt sad for you, knowing how her sister treated you. Most of the time Raffie wanted to slap some sense into her big sister. How could someone as smart as her be so clueless towards her own feelings? That’s why she would drag her sister to every adventure you two would have. And that was exactly why you were here, she kinda tricked you into visiting her sister, she knew that was wrong of her, but when you got into her car with Betty trailing behind you, she didn’t feel one bit of remorse. Raffie didn’t like Betty, she knew you were only with her to try to forget about Florence, although you would never admit that to her, and she could tell that it was working but she couldn’t have that. 

“Hey, you. What are you guys doing here?” Florence tried her best to hide her accusatory tone. She loved when her sister visited her, that’s the reason she gave her a spare key to her house, but she didn’t like that she brought you with her and whoever it was that was now holding you from your waist. 

She could tell by the firm grip that whoever it was, she and you were close, really close if you let her grab you like that. She felt her stomach clench once she noticed you wouldn’t do anything to get her hands off of you. She really wasn’t in the mood for this right now. 

“I just thought of stopping by and trying to convince you to hang out with us,” Raffie trailed off, looking at how her sister's eyes were fixed on the person next to you. “Oh, how silly of me. Um, this is Betty, Y/n’s… um…” Last thing you told Raffie about Betty was that you were still figuring things out between the two of you. So what were you two exactly? She didn’t want to say that Betty was your friend, because she wasn’t. But she didn’t feel like saying girlfriend either. 

“Girlfriend”. You finished for her. Hearing you said it outloud made you feel even worse. Yeah, Betty was a sweet girl, she cared for you deeply. And so did you, but not in a romantic way, like she did. You didn’t know what came over you to say that. You actually didn’t mean to say it, but deep down you wanted to see Florence’s reaction to your news. Would she like this? Would she mind? Would she not like this? You couldn’t tell what the fuck was going on through her mind. She just smiled at Betty and introduced herself. 

“So, what do you say Flo? Please come with us, we will have so much fun.” You knew what Raffie was doing, she was giving her sister the puppy eyes look, so she couldn't say no. You cursed your best friend, this was not what you had in mind when Raffie let you know that she was picking you up. You were begging to the universe that Florence would say no. You didn’t want to be there anymore. The tension was suffocating you, you weren’t sure if you could take a few more minutes of this, let alone hours.

Florence could tell that you were uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure if it was because of her, or this whole situation. She knew how to read your body language, she used to spend hours analyzing you, or so she told herself, convinced that she wasn’t staring at you. Making sure every reaction stayed engraved in her mind. She didn’t know why she did that. Everytime she would look your way this burning feeling would come into her stomach, her hands would start to sweat and her heart would not work properly. It would only stop once she looked away from you, but she didn’t want to. Deep down she enjoyed that burning feeling, and wanted more of it. So just for enjoyment she agreed to come with all of you. 

The drive to the new restaurant Raffie wanted to go wasn’t that bad. Yeah, the tension was still there, but Florence was too focused on telling her sister what she had been doing for the past month, and Betty was a nice distraction. She was whispering in your ear, as if telling you her biggest secrets. When in reality it was just the last movie she watched with her siblings. Which you found quite sweet, but you weren’t really paying attention to her. You tried your best to listen to her, but your hearing would only focus on Florence’s sweet raspy voice. God, you missed that voice. 

Once you all got there, Florence said: “You guys go ahead and get us a table, I need to talk to Y/n for a second.” It took you by surprise, there weren’t many times where Florence herself asked you to be alone with you. 

You looked at your best friend, confusion written all over your face, what the hell did she want? To be honest, you were scared, if she wanted to talk to you alone, it didn’t mean anything good. Still, you nodded to Raffie, telling her that you would be okay. 

Florence waited until Betty and Raffie were inside, giving her a few seconds to order her thoughts. Now, what? She didn’t know exactly what she was doing, she wasn’t thinking, she was just doing. You always had that power over her, unbeknownst to you. You made a mess out of her. Florence didn’t like how her whole body reacted to you, especially when it was just the two of you.

“What do you want?” You couldn’t take the silence any longer. 

“I, um, what’s with this Betty? She wasn’t in the picture when I moved out.”

“Yeah, well, you tend to miss out on things once you move out. What's your deal?”. The last part came out harsher from your mouth than you thought it would. You didn’t want to be mean to her, but you didn’t know what all of this was about. You were just being defensive. 

“I just don’t think she’s good for you.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I said, I don’t think she’s good for you.”

“And how would you know that, huh?”

“Because I know you.” You weren’t expecting her to say that. “I know that you didn’t want to come here. I know you only put up with me because of Raffie, because you love her. I know that you’re not sure about Betty, Raffie confirmed my suspicions.” You didn't know when your best friend gave you away but you were going to have a word with her. “I know that you’re uncomfortable right now because you’re doing that thing with your lip.” You stopped sucking at your bottom lip. “I know what’s good for you, and I know Betty isn’t. I know I can be mean towards you, but it just, ah, fuck…” She trailed off. 

“Is just what?”

“See you're doing it right now.”

“I’m not doing anything, Flor–”

“Oh, but you are. You, you make my stomach burn, and my hands start to sweat, and I keep on losing my train of thought just looking at you. Just please, make it stop. I don’t wanna feel this any–.” Without thinking, you cut her off, smashing your lips against hers. 

You were freaking out on the inside, what if she didn’t like this? What if this wasn’t what she was implying? What if she pushed you away? What if she got mad at you, and then Raffie would get mad at you? 

But all your worries flew away as soon as you felt her relax under your touch. So, that was it. That was what you both were seeking. All those stupid little arguments. All those death glares were so worth it if it all meant that it would lead you both to this moment. It was everything you ever dreamed of, she was everything you ever dreamed of.  

Her lips were soft against yours, they fitted perfectly, as if they were only meant to kiss your lips and your lips only. She tasted mint and cigarettes. You knew she smoked from time to time, and although you didn’t smoke, her smoker's breath became your favorite thing.

You couldn’t get enough of her. Your hands were on her waist, making sure she wouldn’t run away from you anymore. She bit your bottom lip, a soft moan coming out of your mouth, followed by her chuckling. As you both moved apart from each other to breathe, you both had a smile plastered on your faces. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this moment.” You pecked her lips one more time. 

“Oh, I think I do.” She smiled at you, wrapping her arms around you, kissing you again. 

What the fuck were you going to tell Betty?

Likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated! <3

-M

[sukirichi]

Okay! Back on my phone battery died ahahha

Well you can say my resentment for her is big cause as a proud tooru fucker i went ahead and reread the first chapters to find this

This is from chapter 7 what basically summarize why tooru was always cold to her. I remember something more but i might be misremembering due to my hate lmfao but i always saw this as Tooru being forced fo marry someone he didnt love and ultimately have his 'freedom' stolen hence why he resented her so much and honestly made me resent her too ahahahha also the whole obsess theme playing again when he went to her room as kids and she had this huge ass painting of him hanging there...

Bruh i dunno i know im biased but i rereading old chapters and seeing how tooru is all soft to us and hates to be shackled to maiko just makes me want him to be happy 🥺 with us

Oh and also i would never EVER invite iris to my sanctuary like nah ah nope never bitch would sleeo at the beach outside, i would not let her step a foot inside my house after she KNOWINGLY fucked a married man

'but i was here first' he was still married and YOU DIDNT EVEN LOVE HIM

I would maybe feel a bit bad if she loved him like a tiny tiny bad still would hate her for the fact that it doesnt matter if she was there first HE WAS MARRIEDDDDDDD

But knowing she never even loved him 🙂🙃🤡

Also i have the feeling the whole 'lets be friends' bs is because she wants us to ultimately petty her since shes pregnant now like somehow she knows we can destroy her. Or her marriage with omi. I totally dont see her doing that out of the kindness of her heart. OR ACTUALLY she feeling pressure from the queen in some way since the queen wanted us to play friends with iris and well the queen can fuck iris up aswell.

But thank you iris for confirming rin does love us <3

Im just scared the iris kid will fuck rins head up.. And shes also been sickly and shit if this isnt grounds to manipulate rin.. After all she did manipulative him until now in a way.

I wanted to say something else about rin but i kinda forgot since im pissed dhdhahhajsj 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Thank you for the update! As usual love your writing and the first part really made me happy.. Made me imagine the trip to the house with rin very vividly 🥺

cackling at little maiko casually having a portrait of tooru in her room 😭 and yep the whole “forced” thing was how he feels towards their marriage. maiko and tooru were actually arranged by the queen to be married, although it isn’t really known or officially stated that it was arranged because they already knew each other since they were kids + it had been maiko’s fleeting thought that like, “oh, your majesty, i like tooru. it’d be wonderful if i could marry him.” just a silly little musing of a teenage girl, but the queen saw it as an opportunity that’d be good for the crown and presented the idea to tooru 😔 and at that time he needed the extra power and stability to be a more well-respected prince, so he went along with the marriage. and yes omg !! i do miss our tooruyn days… unfortunately, i had to scrap away the ideas I had for that because it was quite a popular demand to make him and maiko work out 🫡 I wasn’t opposed to that and I think it’d be great to focus more on omiyn <3 SO SORRY IF THAT WASN’T WHAT YOU LIKED BESTIE IK TOORU IS YOUR NUMBER ONE BUT I HAD TO DO IT FOR THE PLOT 😭🙏🏻

‘but I was here first’ nobody asked iris lmfAOOOO

and yep, iris asking to be friends was not done out of the kindness of her heart at all lol. i don’t even think she has any kindness in her heart… but she’s not doing it at all for rintaro lol. she’s trying to be on yn’s good side because she knows her marriage with omi is falling apart. for the five years they’ve been married, kiyoomi has always been neutral and uncaring – he knows iris is cheating on him, but he doesn’t care 😹 not once has kiyoomi shown that he plans on divorcing her. he just avoids her and acts like she doesn’t exist, and that’s fine enough for iris, as long as they’re married. but now that she’s pregnant with rin’s baby AND kiyoomi is having feelings for yn… yeah, iris is feeling anxious. we’ll see though what she’ll do with her pregnancy!!

and aww thank you so much, I’m so happy you enjoyed the latest update! I HOPE YOU KNOW that I always appreciate you taking the time to read and send in all your thoughts, they make me super happy and warm knowing you’re so supportive. SO THANK YOU BESTIE SENDING YOU LOTS OF LOVEE 💫🌷💕

[cassyapper]

Sorry to ask out of the blue like this, but I think Hierophant Green is a super underappreciated stand that's WAY more useful than people think. I love hearing your thoughts, so I was wondering if you have any fun Hierophant thoughts to share? I wanna see more love for this boy

I LOVE HIEROPHANT GREEN I LOVE HIEROPHNAT GREEN I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIS RIBBON SNAKE SQUID INSECT WHATEVER BULLSHIT HE IS SO GRUB TO ME HE IS MY BEST FRIEND

YES I LOVE HIEROPHANT GREEN let me get into some thoughts about him. let's see

okay so i've talked about this before but it pisses me off how people say "hierophant got rid of its only useful ability (mind control/painting cutting) and just went with emerald splash" WHEN THAT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE. yes kakyoin doesn't ask hierophant to ever use mind control again but HM I WONDER WHY THEY WOULD BE UNCOMFORTABLE USING MIND CONTROL. COULD IT BE BECAUSE THEY WERE MIND CONTROLLED AND DONT WANT TO STOOP TO THAT LEVEL. also people misunderstanding the painting thing pisses me off so hard omfg when kakyoin slashed the jotaro painting's leg he also slashes real life jotaro's leg with hierophant IT WASN'T SOME "IF I HURT THE PAINTING IT TRASNFERS TO THE REAL PERSON" BULLSHIT THEY LITERALLY EXPLAINED THIS GOD. finally the emerald splash thing like okay first of all not even true kakyoin's most useful and most utilized ability irt hierophant is his fucking range and tentacles (such as using them to, yknow, STAB? LIKE HOW HE STABBED JOTARO'S LEG?) like half the time emerald splash is used as a distraction and not an attack in of itself so OF COURSE it's not supposed to do much damage most of the time EVEN WHEN KAKYOIN WAS FACING DIO IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO KILL DIO BUT JUST ENCOURAGE HIM TO BRING HIS STAND OUT COME ON oh it pisses me off. oh my god. hierophant is SO USEFUL YOU GUYS ARE JUST SO STUPID </3

as for a character in of himself i think hierophant is great. incredibly introverted, more so than kakyoin himself. loves a little bit of killing and gore. just a little. as a treat.

i think hierophant and kakyoin had a bit of a rough beginning because i think kakyoin kinda hated him at first for making him so different. like...oh i don't know how to explain this. kakyoin has no qualms with being like, special. i think he liked thinking he was special and just inherently smarter, better, more focal i think he enjoyed that. what he didn't enjoy was that what made him special couldn't be shared in any meaningful way (so he thought) to people who couldn't see hierophant. he would never get to be a like, superman figure cause no one could see what made him super. i think kakyoin really resented hierophant for that as a kid i think he was very frustrated. i think hierophant as a result got as suicidal as a stand can get because of this. i dont think he'd come out much, only as thin tentacles if kakyoin called him. listen to the song "skeleton song" by kate nash to truly see my vision

BUT obviously kakyoin changes his stance on that and is like yknow what you're the only one who gets me so he apologizes and they get so close. hierophant loooves kakyoin that's his BOY. oh he loves him. he thinks he's so smart. he loves working alongside kakyoin in any form or fashion whether that be just existing in the same space as kakyoin, getting him things out of reach, outright fighting, etc etc. he loves his boy. i think hierophant enjoys wrapping around kakyoin's fingers as small sorta twine or draping around his shoulders in ribbons etc etc. they looove each other crying

WHICH ^ is why i think hierophant fucking hates jotaro at first lmfao. i've talked about this before but it's so real to me. he's so pissed this punk beat up his user and also dragged him out of his hiding place and INSULTED HIM (melon stand?? really??) so he is so mad. he doesn't want to kill jotaro cause jotaro did save kakyoin from the fleshbud but he's still miffed. always scooping sand into jotaro's shoes and hiding his belongings and shit. he is so mad. this changes after the lovers arc cause with being looped around the lovers the whole time, he got to hear jotaro praising kakyoin and hierophant left and right so he's like ok FINE whatever

i think hierophant really likes silver chariot and magician's red tho. of course hermit purple too. he's wary of splat at first esp with how splat will reach for him and touch him with no warning but they eventually get along too. yeah

uhhh. i think when kakyoin was dying hierophant shoots the final emerald splash and then twines around kakyoin's wound/chest as one final sorta hug before fading away

UM. yeah. hierophant. my friend. such a guy

[myphoneisdying]

listing some flaws to even out the ppl that baby johnny & soda(i love them both dearly, but i also wanna be realistic)

Johnny Cade

1. He’s an actual murderer

Yes, he had a good reason. But still,so many people act like he’s super weak. Like bro.. did we read the same book?

2. He would probably be fake asf.

Let’s be fr, if someone was talking shit about one of his friends around him, bro would NOT say anything🙏

he probably wouldn’t tell them about it either.

He’s just trying to keep the peace and not start fights, but it could come off as two faced.

3. He would definitely not know how to handle a relationship

He has no good examples of healthy relationships besides mr and ms curtis, and there dead.

This boy does not know how to communicate, and would definitely let things bottle up(making him resent his partner.)

He might seem okay with something in the moment, but he will be using it against you in an argument.

Oh, and if he ever makes the mistake of taking Dallas’s advice?

yeah your cooked.

4. If two of his friends were in a fight, he would def agree with both sides. thats kinda valid but it can get very annoying to an extent.

Ponyboy: “Darry lectured me for an hour about getting a B on a test!

Johnny: “Wow he’s so wrong for that.”

/one hour later/

Darry: “Pony keeps getting B’s on his tests. He’s not even trying anymore!”

Johnny: “Wow he’s so wrong for that.”

5. i feel like he could be very mean if you were able to keep him talking long enough.

Just small remarks under his breath that no one hears. I don’t have much reason for this, it just makes sense.

I also think that if anyone got in a heated argument with him, he would say some genuinely fucked up shit. He’s been building up anger for his entire life yall. He definitely knows how to get under someone’s skin.

6. He Is probably very judgmental.

Because he’s always watching everyone, he’s probably analyzing everything in his head. This isn’t always a bad thing, but it definitely could be.

Bro has lists of icks in his head. You can not do anything around Johnny without him knowing and judging you for it.

7. He is probably very defensive.

Because of how insane his trama is, he has valid reason to think everyone is attacking(or rejecting) him.

He’s probably been told his entire life that he’s useless by his parents, so his ability to accept kindness is probably non existent.

He can’t comprehend that some people are just nice.

Have you ever met a person who can’t take a compliment at all? Like you’ll say they look good and there like “no stop lying.”

that’s him.

If you compliment him on anything, he will think you’re lying.

Sodapop Curtis

1. Type of hot friend who doesn’t understand how normal people live

“What do you mean waitresses don’t give you free stuff when you go out? That’s weird, I always get free stuff.”

2. Makes impulse decisions that end up getting everyone in trouble.

3. The type of person to say extremely rude things and not realize it’s mean.

“I love how your nose sticks out so far! It really makes you stand out :D”

like damn bro.

4. He probably gets away with doing the bare minimum in everything. He’s so charismatic that he can get by on very little effort for most things.

Anyways don’t attack me for this. Just trying to even some of these characters out. I wasn’t able to make as many for Soda because he isn’t in the book as much as johnny.

I love Johnny and Soda with my whole heart so this isn’t very serious.

y’all ever think about the fact that the two characters with no haters or just negative posts about them in general are Sodapop and Johnny who just so happen to be Ponyboy’s favorite members of the gang??

i just think it’s really interesting how much Ponyboy’s unreliable narration messes with us, because as much as I love Dally or Two-bit I can still talk about their flaws and stuff, but I would literally rather die than say a mean word about Johnny Cade.

[mintmoth]

Okay so I just finished chap 4 and as the resident scarabia appreciator I figured you would be the best person to word vomit my ideas to (You don't have to answer this if you don't want to)

But like the drama the betrayal, god it was so good

Like I can understand both sides of the story. I get why Jamil snapped as hard as he did, but god when Kalim started begging to Jamil to tell him that what Octotrio exposed wasn't true BROKE ME. It dosent help I kinda relate to Kalim in the sense I tend to worry if Im being "too much" for people so seeing Jamil call him obnoxious and crap, albeit not in the right headspace, really struck a chord with me. God I want them to be happy/friendly with each other again tho TWST please let them-

But honestly after that my brain has been fixated on a potential Kalim overblot. I don't know how it would happen (probably some trauma he keeps under his cheery facade like another guy we know *stares at Cater*), though I have an idea that during his overblot he pushes everyone away. Hes not angry at anyone or anything but hes scared and he dosent want to put anymore of what should be HIS responsibilities on anyone, ESPECIALLY if Jamil is present.

Like the potential angst has not left my brain help me-

OKAY BUT I ABSOLUTELY DO WANT TO ANSWER THIS (also because I am sick and cannot do much aside from be on my phone when I am actually awake l m a o)

So firstly yes holy crap I believe book 4 hits so hard because it is so deeply sad from both sides of things. It's very easy for people to look at both Jamil and Kalim and understand them and their actions, feeling pushed so hard and made to be responsible and care for others, as well as loving people deeply and the play into the insecurities of ultimately being resented by those you love most

All of the books have people pushed past their breaking points and trauma spilling to the surface but god book 4 is this horrible open wound of desperation and heartbreak

I also deeply want them to be able to move forward being healthier about their relationship and actually building a friendship because like, they do have fun together off and on after book 4, Jamil's anger is mostly misdirected from the position he's been forced into, and they're both able to actively talk better about things between the two of them- idk I know we'll never get to fully see how they grow and change but I really do stand by me saying that I believe both of them have the ability to bring about change within their families when they are finally able to hold their own positions

But on to the second part here, absolutely Kalim has so much traumatic shit he's dealing with. Like since he was a child he's had adults trying to full on actually murder him. Like he makes little jokes in passing about being kidnapped or poisoned and such, and how it's made him hard to take by surprise so it's played off as a joke, but SERIOUSLY?? That is so much emotional damage to just have to play off for laughs, but sometimes all you can do is laugh in order to not fully process it

Kalim has shown to be a people pleaser and to meet everyone as if they're a friend, and it's a wonderful trait on his part but due to his past it's also probably a defence mechanism in a way. I'm reading a little deep here but honestly, imagine you've been kidnapped more times then you can count, had more attempts on your life then you can recall, had to witness your childhood friend fall into a coma because they were poisoned in an attempt to murder you specifically- like Kalim is a walking target that nearly everyone he meets could be attempting to take a swing at. But he doesn't shy away or meet people with an overt caution, no. He meets everyone with this overwhelming friendliness. He makes himself not a threat to others, and he makes potential threats his friends. How better to be kept safe then to be surrounded by people who care about you? To remove the idea of threats by being someone people can see the good within, someone to eat, drink, and be merry with? What good would come from harming someone who treats you so well

And I'm not saying this would be an intentional act on his part, no. I'm not sure he's even aware of how people pleasing he is outside of the thought, "other people have more problems then me, so why would I bother them with mine". He's just grown up unable to trust nearly anyone and as such is navigating through life doing what he does best, having fun and living in the moment, making friends and surrounding himself with people he doesn't need to be afraid of

But that's also why Jamil's betrayal hits so much harder, as he's the one person in Kalim's life that Kalim has never had to fear or doubt for even a moment. Jamil has always been a safe haven, an olive branch amongst the knives. And Kalim finds out Jamil has been sitting within a growing well of resentment and anger this entire time

And it is absolutley heartbreaking

And yes, it's played for laughs with Kalim not understanding after that Jamil is still upset, or that they cannot just magically be on even footing, but a lot of aspects of Kalim are consistently played for laughs. It's hard for people to take you seriously when you cannot even take yourself seriously

So absolutely if he were to overblot it would be less of him lashing out at people around him and more of him lashing out at himself. All of those feelings he laughs off and pushes away in favor of smiling and joking with others, them all bubbling to the surface in a way he could not even begin to contain

Having Kalim overblot would be genuinely absolutley harrowing to witness

[andvys]

Longing (part 1)

Warnings: “enemies” to lovers type of thing, slow burn, cocky!ellie, alcohol consumption

Pairing: Ellie Williams x reader

Ellie always thought you were the prettiest girl she’s ever seen in her life, you had the most beautiful eyes, the way they would always get lighter in the sun and the way they would always light up whenever you were happy about something. She loved how you would always put your hair into a braid and would still have strands of hair fall in front your eyes, you’d always put them behind your ears only for them to get loose again and fall in front of your eyes once more. She loved how fierce and badass you are, always ready for any situation. You are one of the best fighters in Jackson despite your age. Having seen it herself when you patrolled together, you fought skillfully, making Ellie wonder about where you have learned to fight like that. Anytime something went wrong or someone would say something about hunters or a horde of infected coming Jackson’s way, you’d always be first to volunteer to go and get rid of them. The way you held yourself, Ellie was sure that you could actually get rid of a group of people before they’d even make it to the gates of Jackson. She would never underestimate you. You really were a fascinating person.

If you just weren’t such a bitch.

You were nice to everyone but to her, well except for Seth. Always getting into a fight with the older man.

You weren’t necessarily mean to Ellie but you weren’t exactly nice either, you were sarcastic and feisty with her and you loved to push her buttons but you weren’t as good at it as she was, Ellie always had the upper hand in your little banters and she teased the hell out of you, leaving you annoyed making her smirk every time. She’d also jokingly flirt with you or make dirty jokes, leaving you uncomfortable or at least that’s what Ellie thought. She just loved getting on your nerves.

Dina would always try to convince Ellie that you actually liked her and you just had a funny way of showing that. Ellie would laugh at that every time, she knew you had some sort of resentment towards her for whatever reason.

You wanted to be friends with the girl you really did but something about her annoyed the hell out of you and she made you feel weird. You constantly bickered like little kids and you seemed to have a stand off every time you were patrolling together. She just pissed you off.

“You going to the dance tonight kid?” Joel asked you. Right now you were cleaning the rifles and shotguns in the shed you kept them in. Having injured your shoulder while on patrol a few days ago you were off patrol for a few weeks. So you were assigned for keeping the weapons clean. You were annoyed at that, you had worse injuries before and still fought but Maria wouldn’t let you out, not wanting to risk your health. So here you were boring yourself to death, at least Joel came in to keep you company.

“Umm I don’t know, it’s not really my thing.” You said. Laying the rifle on the table you looked at the older man. Since he and Ellie came to Jackson he became something like a mentor to you. You respected the older man, you already learned more from him than your own father and he was there for you whenever you struggled with yourself.

“That’s what Ellie said too.” You avoided looking at him at the mention of Ellie. You thought, he assumed that you two must be friends, considering you’re in the same friend group. You didn’t even know they were talking again.

“She did?” You asked avoiding his eyes.

“Yes.” He studied your face. He was not stupid, anytime he’d bring up Ellie you got quiet and awkward same with Ellie she reacted the same way at the mention of you.

“Are you going?” You asked him, changing the topic quickly.

“Yeah and you should come too.” He said.

“We’ll see, do I get to have a drink?” You asked, giving him a hopeful smile. He never let you drink.

“Are you 21?” He asked giving you a pointed look.

“Ugh come on Joel, I’m 19 plus I’m allowed to blow up things and kill people and infected but I’m not allowed to have a drink every once in a while?” You said shaking your head.

Joel laughed at that “well maybe you can have a little.” He said.

“Finally, I wanna get drunk.”

“You’re allowed to drink but you’re not allowed to get drunk kid.” Joel said sternly.

“I’ll take what I can get.” Smiling at him. He got up and walked towards you, ruffling your hair.

“I gotta get going, I’ll see you at the dance.”

“Ugh, see ya.” You said annoyed at him for messing up your braid.

Stepping out of the little shed once you were done with your assignment you stood there enjoying the fresh air for a second after being in that shed all day.

Deep in thought you were looking down on your way home, not watching where you were going you ran into something or rather someone, almost falling down if it wasn’t the strong arms catching you by your waist, grabbing their arms you looked up at your savior only to realize that it’s Ellie still with her hands on your waist she had a cocky smirk on her face.

“Careful there (y/n), you almost fell for me.” Smirking at you.

You groaned at that, letting go of her arms you took a step back making her hands let go of your waist.

“Do you want me to escort you home? I don’t want you tripping and falling for someone else.” She said, teasing you

“No thanks Williams, now if you’ll excuse me.” You said, trying to walk past her only for her to step in front of you not letting you go yet, probably to annoy you some more.

“You going to the dance tonight?” Ellie asked. Studying your face.

“Yup.” You replied, looking down on your shoes, avoiding looking at her pretty face.

“Nice, I’ll be there as well.” Ellie said.

“I know, Joel told me.” Shit why did you just say that, you wanted to slap yourself now she knew you and Joel talked about her. Now she would think you’re interested in her, well you are but she doesn’t have to know that.

“Oh, talking about me with Joel when you could talk to me?” She teased.

“Whatever I’m gonna go now, see ya Williams.” You said, this time she stepped aside, letting you leave.

She watched you leave, deep in thought about you she didn’t notice Jesse appearing next to her, throwing an arm around her.

“Man you have it bad for our girl here.” Jesse said, smirking at her. He was aware of Ellie having some sort of feelings for you. It wasn’t hard to see that, Ellie always looked like a kicked puppy around you.

“Shut up, Jesse” Ellie said annoyed.

“She likes you too.”

“What?! No she doesn’t. I’m pretty sure she hates me.” Ellie said, looking down, she began walking away.

Jesse followed her. “She doesn’t hate you, I’ve seen how she acts around people she hates and you aren’t one of them.” He said.

“Well I- so what she likes me now?” She asked. Not believing that you could feel anything towards her but hate.

“She likes Dina and Joel or Tommy and Maria, I’m pretty sure she likes me too, I’m awesome.” Jesse smirked at the last part. “But you? I’d say there’s a little more than “like” Ellie.”

“Are you trying to tell me she has feelings for me?” Ellie laughed at that. Jesse was ridiculous and stupid if he thought you could have feelings for Ellie. Not that she didn’t wish for that but it was too good to be true.

“You know what they say about hate. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin.” Jesse confidently said.

Ellie laughed at that, “alright whatever.” She thought about that. She genuinely couldn’t see you liking her.

It was a little crowded at the dance once you got there. You usually avoided going to these things, not liking being around many people but Dina always made you come. Looking at you with her puppy eyes, you couldn’t say no to the girl.

Looking out for Dina and Jesse you weren’t able to find them. Huh she bugged you about being there on time but she herself wasn’t even here yet. Looking around you saw Ellie standing at the bar. You stared at her for a while.

Suddenly she looked your way, catching you staring at her she started smirking, rolling your eyes at her.

She waved at you to come over. You’d rather have Dina and Jesse be there as well, not trusting yourself to be around the girl without anyone around but you didn’t wanted to be alone so you walked over to her.

“Hey (y/n), if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were just checking me out from over there, that’s kinda creepy.” Ellie said with a teasing smile. Leaning against the bar.

Feeling embarrassed now you rolled your eyes.

“You wish, Williams.” You said sitting down on the bar stool next to her.

“What if I do?” She asked you, smirking.

“I- um.” Not knowing what to say you quickly changed the subject. “I need a drink.”

“I’ll get you something, wait here.” She left you alone.

“Alright, thanks I guess.”

Coming back she gave you the drink. Taking it from her hand your fingers touched for a second, avoiding her eyes you took a sip of the drink. Almost coughing at the taste, Ellie laughed at you.

“You never had whiskey did you?” She asked.

Shaking your head “you?” You asked curiously.

“Yeah.” Nodding at her words, you looked around.

Sitting in silence for a while, you watched all the couples dance. Feeling Ellie’s eyes on you the whole time. You glanced at her, noticing that her glass is empty, you figured it’d be a good opportunity to get away from her for a second.

“Should I get you a new one?” You asked her. “A drink I mean.”

“Uh sure.” She gave you her glass, you walked towards the bartender guy. Ellie had a chance to admire you from the side.

Waiting for the bartender to bring you your drinks, you saw someone heading your way from the side, turning to look who it was you saw it was Joel.

“Hey kid.” He pulled you in for a hug. He always gave the best hugs, they were always warm and safe.

“Hi Joel.” Smiling at him.

“I see you and Ellie are alone tonight.” He looked towards Ellie, who was taking a seat at one of the smaller tables, waiting for you.

“I- yeah. We are waiting for Dina and Jesse.”

“I’m afraid they’re not coming tonight. Haven’t they told you?” He asked.

“What? But I- they told us they’d be here.” You said confused. Why would they tell you come here if they weren’t even here.

“I talked to Jesse today, he said him and Dina are having a date tonight.” Joel said.

“Oh well, I didn’t know.” You laughed. Great now you it was just you and Ellie.

The bartender brought you your drinks, putting them in front of you hitting you with the smell of whiskey, you gave Joel a cheeky smile.

He put a hand on your shoulder, “drink responsibly kid, and take care of Ellie.” He said.

“Yes of course, I promise.”

“Alright, well go on and have fun.”

“Alright you too Joel, I’ll see you.” You smiled at him taking the drinks in both hands you walked over to Ellie. Setting them down on the table you sat down next to Ellie.

“Well it seems like our friends have ditched us.” You said annoyed.

“What?” Ellie furrowed her eyebrows at that.

“Yeah Joel said they have a date night.”

“Great.” Ellie suddenly felt nervous. Being alone with you would surely end bad, she was scared that she’d accidentally confess her stupid crush on you or something.

“I know we’re not friends or whatever but I feel like getting a few drinks, what about you?” You asked. Ellie hated that you didn’t even see her as a friend but you usually avoided her like the plague and you’d never ask her to hang out with you, a year ago you’d just leave if none of your friends were here but Ellie guessed you must’ve warmed up to her a little if you asked her to keep you company.

“Yeah sure.”

Throughout the whole night you and Ellie bickered about every little thing, sarcastically replying to everything the other would say. You definitely wouldn’t be friends anytime soon but you two did kind of enjoy this night.

You were currently walking home side by side. Having a discussion about weapons. Arriving in front of your home, you talked for a few more minutes, fighting on which weapon is the better choice, in any situation.

“Alright, whatever Williams you’re right, I’m wrong.” You said, rolling your eyes at the girl. Walking backwards to your door.

“You know I’m right (y/n)!” Ellie said teasing you.

“Go home Williams!”

“Yes ma’am.” Ellie grumbled, turning around she started to walk back home.

Ellie thought about this night. It was the first time you willingly spent time alone with her. She enjoyed it even if you were still your usual sarcastic self, she still enjoyed it. Hoping to see more of you, without having the rest of your friends around. She liked to be alone with you, not that she would admit it to anyone.

[spitfirerose]

Jk I'm not done being a petty bitch

My dad's a piece of shit. He's never loved or cared about us in a way that matters. He's never said so. He did the bare fucking minimum when we were kids and expected us to be grateful for him for "doing something nice" when it was a clear sign he didn't know us at all (or even bothered to get our input in decisions that affected us, like doing something with our bedrooms). All he did was yell, threaten, swear, and throw/slam shit whenever he was pissed (aka all the time), while also expecting us to be able to read his mind about whatever set him off.

The only times he was a decent fucking parent are sprinkles on a shit sundae.

He doesn't listen to us, or to my mother (but tbf no one does). Idk man, maybe I'm just built different or have standards, but if my partner never listened to me about shit that needs done, big or small, I wouldn't brush it off as "that's just how he is". No. It's bullshit is what it is, and you don't settle for bullshit (or how good someone is in bed like that's somehow the only thing that *really* matters in a relationship). If I've been asking for my spouse to fix something for over twenty years and it still hasn't been done, I'd go fucking crazy.

(And as their kid, I kinda already have. We're all just a molotov cocktail of unchecked mental illnesses.)

He's mellowed out a ton since we were children, but he's still a neglectful asshat who still threatens and yells over the tiniest bit of justified criticism. It pisses me off when I hear from everyone over what a great guy he is and they love him. He isn't. You don't know him like I do. You don't know how much I resent him and especially when I watch him act all happy and affectionate towards kids that aren't his own. He never showed us any of that, and he never will.

Then there's my mother.

She's emotionally immature to the max. She bitches and whines about everything (kinda valid considering her husband), and always pulls the "I'm just the worst mom in the world" bullshit to try and shut any criticism down. When I was a kid, I picked up "I can do what I want, it's a free country" at elementary school. I grew out of it, since I was a child, but she continuously uses the phrase to this day. She also cannot keep her mouth shut to save her life. There's nothing I can tell her in confidence since I learned as a kid that she will tell everyone. Maybe it's to make her shitty excuse for a life seem better than it is to other family members and friends who are successful, because there sure isn't a lot going for any of us. No one likes or listens to her, so it checks out, anyway. And yes, she did admit to me that dad is good in bed so that's why she's with him.

And now she's having nuclear level breakdowns over how neglectful he is to her (as well as potentially cheating on her). Like what did you expect? You told him yourself he doesn't love you like you see other married couples love each other. If he did at one time, he sure doesn't now, and hasn't for a very long time. You don't even communicate with each other. You just let shit slide. She wants to try counseling, but doesn't know if he wants to. She thinks it's too little, too late anyway.

Yeah, no shit.

Uh oh, gang! (Personal life shit)

Looks like mom just realized how shitty her marriage is with my father and what a terrible partner he is!

[rrickgrrimes8]

hi! i was thinking if you could write an imagine of reader being rick and lori's daughter and sister to carl, rj and judith. i don't have a specific idea in mind, but just her before and after the time jump, struggling with being there when lori and carl died, and looking for rick with daryl, her relationship with her siblings and michonne, maybe maggie and hershel too (i was thinking since carl was 10 when it all started, she was 7 so now she's 17) thank you so much, and btw i loved your imagines i've read so far 💞

Being a Grimes ~ Rick Grimes x Grimes!reader

thank you so much for requesting i really enjoyed making this one. i also have a series kinda like this about Jacey Grimes which i’m currently making a book two for.

warnings: alluding to sexual assault or rape, suicide, death, gore (lemme know if i’ve missed anything off here)

sorry if there is any mistakes please tell if there is and give me feedback i’d love to here back from yall

masterlist

request guidelines

request are open

It was strange for y/n. This world would be strange for anyone really. But she was different. At only a mere 7 years old when the world went to shit she struggled as did many others. With the recent loss of her father - one she didn't entirely understand - still protruding through her heart, it was hard - so hard. 

When it happened she was at daycare. The teaching assistant tried and successfully ate the teacher in front of her. She was next and was so close to being eaten until Shane rushed in. He kicked Ms Twune and grabbed y/n. Her mom sobbed at the sight of her, covered in blood and the tears smothering her daughters face. Carl was shocked too. He wanted nothing more than to protect his little sister. His dad always used to tell him that that was his duty - his job. And he hated how he had failed in this moment. 

They made it to the quarry soon after. Y/n thought the group was nice - well mostly. The Dixon brothers scared her was what she told her brother or any of the children she had befriended. But she was lying. Yes, she was scared but only of Merle. He was creepy and mean to anyone he saw. Daryl was somewhat the same but he always found himself being nicer to the young child. And often kept her company when Lori and Shane went for a ‘walk’ in the woods. Glenn was another she found herself drawn to. He unlike Daryl happily invited her company. Glenn was sweet and funny. He never failed at making her laugh till she felt like she was going to pee. They were good friends which came to a fault when he had to go on runs. She’d scream and cry and refuse to let go of him because she was afraid that what happened to her father would happen to him. 

That’s what happened earlier that morning. Glenn and a few others were going into Atlanta, despite her dismay. Glenn assured her he’d be fine, which she didn't believe and continued her tantrum. 

“Can yer’ shut that damn baby up?” Merle spat covering his ears. 

Shane shot him a threatening glare while Glenn stayed preoccupied with the distraught girl. “Hey, it's okay. I’m coming back,” He insisted holding her tightly at his hip, “I promise you, sweet girl.” 

“No, b-b-but dada promise too a-a-and h-he,” She stopped herself, sobs erupting from her small body. 

“I know sweet girl, I know. But I’ll be back I know I will.” Glenn placed her on the back of the RV, “I tell you what I’ll bring you back some of your favourite sweeties, huh? Would you like that?” 

Giddily she nodded at his proposition, “Yes! Yes!” 

“Alright, then I’ll bring back some for you, okay?” She nodded smiling cheerfully, “I love you, kid.” 

“I luv you too, dumbass,” y/n giggled. 

Glenn looked around cautiously hoping no one heard that “Hey sweet girl you can't say that.” 

“W-what? Why?” the child began to cry again, “Y-y-you say it.” 

“I know b-but its adult words okay? Not y/n words. When you're older, alright?” She nodded her head again kissing his cheeks softly and hugging him. “Thank you, sweet girl. I’ll see you soon,” He kissed the top of her head and started towards the car smiling as she shouted, “With sweeties!”

The group returned hours later bearing a new man instead of Merle. Y/n waited patiently for Glenn and the aforementioned sweets. "Gen!" She screamed happily still unable to say his name fully. The man sprinted over to her, pulling her into a much-needed cuddle after the day he had. 

"It's Glenn, sweetheart," He chuckled while correcting. 

"Oh sorry Gen," She wrapped her dainty arms around his neck. 

"That's okay, sweet girl. I missed you." 

"I missed you too," She whispered before letting out a longwinded 'ew', "You stinky, Gen." 

The man smelt his shirt and nodded as the potent smell of walkers reached his nose. "I know yucky right?" 

"Yucky!" Y/n buried her face in Glenn's shirt ignoring the stench and just enjoying his company. She always became clingy like this after coming home from a run. He loved it. On runs, if he ever encountered a life-threatening situation - like the one today - he always finds himself realising how much she means to him. Glenn saw her as a little sister - one almost replacing the ones that were cruely ripped from him when this began. 

"How was it?" She inquired. 

"Not fun, sweet girl. But I got your sweeties and a nice man helped us out. Saved us," She beamed. 

"I like the good man. I'll give him two kisses when I see him. Maybe even one of my sweeties," Glenn chuckled. 

"Why two kisses, y/n?" 

"One for saving you. Two for bringing you hom," Glenn grinned contently and kissed her forehead. 

"Its home bubs with an e on the end." 

"Oh," She mumbled burying herself again. 

"Oh my God," Someone muttered as they exited the van. 

"Dad! Dad!" Carl screamed causing Glenn to snap his head in their direction. Carl came running towards the man, Rick, who had saved them in Atlanta. Y/n hadn't moved yet as she feared it was only a dream. That her dada wasn't really here. 

"Sweet girl," He pulled her out of his neck, "Look it's your dad." The child gazed over to where her brother had run to. Sure enough, it was her dad. He held Carl as he cried, looking to Y/n wanting to hold her too. 

"Dada!" She screamed jumping out of Glenn's arms dangerously. The girl scraped her knee on the way down but continued throwing herself into the hug. 

"Oh, Carl! Y/n!" She kissed all over his face childishly, "I luv you, dada." 

"I love you too, baby girl."

~

The years hadn't been kind to Y/n. She lost so much. Too much in fact that it had driven her to the depts of insanity and made her do things to herself, to others that she more than resented. The first loss was her mothers. She wasn't there like Carl was but the grief burned through her still. Y/n was too young to understand it really. Just how she was when Rick supposedly died. Y/n couldn't understand where her mom had gone she just knew she had a little sister now. One she swore to protect. 

She thought she had failed that when the prison fell. The young child was on her own. Injured and lost. She wandered through the woods for days until she stumbled across a group. The group were mean and despite her resistance wouldn't let her go. They hurt her in ways she didn't and wouldn't speak of it even now. But that all changed when Daryl showed up. He protected her - stopped them from hurting her. And eventually led her back to her family. Where for the first time she began to fear her father. 

Terminus was next. The people there snatched her from her family. She was forced to watch from afar as they were guided into the crate. Rick fought against them, Carl too but it was to no use. They had sectioned her off in a playroom. Every once in a while an older woman came in to fed and played with her. She hated it. Being in this world for more than a year now she knew that people like them didn't just want to play even if she did. She learnt that from the Claimers. 

Carol found her. Although having never have been all that close to the older woman - the only relation being the closeness between y/n and Sophia - seeing her after so long made her cry out of joy. Carol was happy too as she rushed out of that place to take her to safety. The pair ended up in the woods. Carol had stopped a moment ago to clean the dirt from her face, "lemme help." 

The girl sat up from where she was put down and cupped some water splashing it on Carol's face. Carol flinched as the water hit her, "Uh thank you." 

"Welcome," She looked away getting distracted by the nearing sound of footsteps. 

"Get behind me, y/n," Carol ordered to which she shook her head. 

"No it dada," She ran away from the woman and towards the group. 

"Y/n come back here!" Y/n continued ignoring Carols pleas and crashed herself into the back of Rick's legs. 

The father shot around and began to cry as he saw the child he thought he lost at his feet. "Oh, baby!" He collected the girl in his arms. Carl rushed to them too happy to see her alive after Gareth claimed he killed her. "Oh y/n, never leave me again, okay?" He looked directly into her matching blue eyes, "Promise me." 

"I promise, dada." 

Later Carol led them to Judith. Y/n was over the moon and refused to let her out of her sight, which was exactly what Rick was doing too. They found the church a while after. There they had some semblance of peace. She was glad to have Glenn back - Maggie too. Along with the new people although Eugene was a bit weird. 

At the church was also when the questions started. Daryl had told Rick about the group they were with and regretfully had to inform the father how she was there before him. Rick asked y/n - begged her - to tell her what happened. But she refused. She couldn't say what happened. What they did, which just made Rick fear more. Eventually, she spoke a little about it. She was vague and could barely string two words together without crying. He hated it. He hated how this was a reality for his daughter. He saw the bruises they left. And he couldn't understand how someone could touch his child. Or how he could be so powerless to stop it. 

Bob died. She didn't really know the man but it still upset her. Beth too. Although she was a lot closer to her. Beth was one of her only friends and was someone who would look after her when her father couldn't. They bonded and now she was gone. 

After Beth's demise, they spent lots of time on the road. They suffered, almost died countless times but they prevailed. They got stronger - she got stronger. And they eventually found Alexandria. There everything was good again like how it was at the prison or even before this hell. She liked it there and didn't understand why the others were so sceptical. 

Though that didn't last for long. Y/n began to hate the place when Carl got shot. Alexandria almost stole her brother from her. So she despised it. She refused to leave her brother's side as he adjusted to his injury. Yes, he found it annoying how she wouldn't leave him be and he often snapped at her. But she was there when he needed her. Despite the age difference and the many years of memories they had lost to this fight, she understood his pain. When he saw himself as ugly, a monster even, she made him think otherwise. She kept him afloat, which he was eternally thankful for. 

Glenn was next. 

She didn't believe it even after she was forced to see it with her own two eyes. She was next to Glenn in the lineup. She had to watch up close. Y/n had to be mocked by that man. She had to stay the whole night with her best friends brains on her face. After that night she blamed herself. She told herself that if Negan was just one person off she would be dead and he would live. He would get to see his child born and grow old with Maggie like they had spoken about. She wholeheartedly believed he deserved to live over her. 

The war with Negan shook her to the core. At the time his face filled her nightmares. He just looked so normal. He looked nice even. Yet he hurt and he hurt and he hurt. 

He killed her Glenn. And then Carl. It wasn't Negans fault although she did blame him. Carl had gotten bit. Y/n held his hand as he died in that tunnel as the home they had built above them fell. She got a letter too - even though she would rather have preferred to have her brother back. In the letter, Carl told her how proud he was of her - how thankful he was to have her as a sister. He told her to protect Judith, their dad and Michonne, who she had recently begun to call momma. 

After Carl's death, y/n shut herself from the world well everyone except her father. For days she would cry until she couldn't anymore. She would scream and scream until her voice was gone. She just didn't understand why it had to be Carl? Why mom? Why Glenn? Why Beth? Why was it never her? The following weeks she found herself wishing it would be her next. She could never bring herself to say it out loud but with any battle, any fight, anything, she wished it would be her. 

So when she lost her father her whole world fell apart. He was her consistent so why did he leave her? She was at the bridge that day. Daryl held her crying frame as Rick set off that final shot blowing him and the walkers off the bridge. Y/n Grimes' father was dead. 

She stayed in Alexandria for a while afterwards. For the sole reason to protect her siblings. Yes, siblings - plural. Somehow through all the bad some good came from it. She just wished her father and Carl could've seen it. RJ Grimes came into this world 9 months later. And he was perfect. For months she would assist in taking care of him as Michonne wasn't doing the greatest without the love of her life. Truth be told neither was y/n she was just better at hiding it. 

Until one night it all became too much. Y/n didn't know how it happened but she found herself balancing on the edge of her window. She wanted to jump - to end it. But she just couldn't will herself to do it. And when Daryl showed up she knew she couldn't. "Hey step away from ta window, alrigh'," The man ordered as he saw her shaking frame rocking back and forth. 

"I-i can't," She sobbed. 

"Ye' ya can. Jus' step back I'll catch ya," Daryl moved closer but paused when she shouted to stop. 

"I can't, Daryl. They're all gone. They're all dead," The tears clouded her eyes. She shut them tightly picturing her families faces wanting so badly to join them. 

"Please jus' step back, y/n. Yer' not alone. I'm here," He croaked the tears floating down his cheeks, "Don't jump." 

"I love you, Daryl." 

"I love ya too, okay? So step away from the window," He watched as she turned her head slightly catching his eyes. 

"I love you but I can't. Tell mom, RJ and Judy I love them as well." 

Suddenly she went to fall forward but Daryl reacted quicker. He gripped her waist pulling her into the room unwilling to release his grasp. "Yer' not leaving me," He told her as she cried into his shoulder, "Yer' cant leave me." Overhearing the chaos, Michonne entered her daughter's room to see the window wide open and the two of them crying. Daryl looked at her. The look telling her all she needed to know. Michonne began to cry herself and joined them on the ground. 

"Y/n?" A small voice called from the door frame. 

"Judith go back to bed, okay?" Michonne told her but Judith continued towards her sister. The girl said nothing as she wiped her sister's tears and held her hand.

It was 5 years later now. After her attempt, she left Alexandria with Daryl in search of her father. She didn't believe he was alive despite everything inside her wanting to. But Daryl did and after what happened they became a lot closer. He was happy she joined him. Even though the act of being out there was gruelling at times he was glad he could look after her. And if something would've happened to her while he was gone he could never have forgiven himself. Understandably Michonne was angry that y/n decided to leave. Y/n was her daughter and Michone her mother. They needed each other but she was willing to let Y/n leave to figure that out. It brought her peace looking for her father. 

The silence was her favourite and as Daryl wasn't much of a talker she got lots of it. They got a dog too, which Daryl cleverly named Dog. Everything was a messed up version of okay but it was still good. Being out there made her find her purpose. She went home a lot more than Daryl did, which pleased her siblings and mother. It was always for a few days never longer as she feared she'd stay forever and she couldn't. As much as Alexandria is good it also drives y/n to a dark place. One she was in that night. She lost so much there. And staring at those four walls drove her insane. It didn't help how Negan was imprisoned there. Just thinking how close he was made her skin crawl. She knew how Rick visited him when he was alive that he believed Carl was right about the killing. That it had to stop. Y/n knew he was right too but she could never bring herself to one admit or two face Negan. 

It felt like a story she read as a child when the Whisperers showed up. Like Negan, they scared her. So when she was told about his escape she only assumed the worst. The Whisperers took so many from them. Like Enid for example. Her story was cut short because of them. The two never really spoke but she understood how she and Carl felt for each other at a time. So ultimately it felt like she lost her final piece of Carl when she died. Y/n wished she had spoken to her when she could've. She wished she could've heard the untold stories they shared. She needed to know about Carl's final years with her. But now she's gone too along with those memories. 

The war with the Whisperers took everything from them. The Kingdom. Hilltop. Alexandria. Along with the lives they lost in the process. With the group separated she found herself protecting Judy and RJ. Michonne had gone. Where she had gone to, y/n had no idea. For a messed up reason, she began to prepare herself for her mother's death before it was even announced. That was until she got the call. She was okay and... apparently so was Rick. 

Disbelief was what hit her first. She couldn't hear his voice nor see his face so how could she know it was true. Michonne didn't know either she couldn't if he was really there, still alive. That night of the call she left. Without hesitation, she kissed RJ and Judith's heads, told them she loved them and told them to tell everyone else that and left. She left in the direction Michonne had told her. 

She left to find her father. And she knew she wouldn't return until she did. "I'm coming, dad."

[flamingo-writes]

It's Better When The Sun Goes Down — Nanami x Reader

This is a piece for the Anilysium Server NSFW Collab! Make sure to check the masterlist to see other writer's works! This month's prompt was: "I can't hold back anymore"

I'd like to dedicate this fanfic to one of my dearest and closest friends. I'm not a Nanami simp myself, but they are. And I have fun writing for Nanami, and also I love writing angsty things and flawed characters. Reg, I hope you enjoy this as much as you enjoy my more casual writing.

(it's pink bcs youre Chancho)

Word Count: 5.4K

Warnings: Mentions of breakup and heartbreak, alcohol and drug consuption, public sex, ghosting, lots and lots of angst. This does not have a happy ending. This is also non proof read bcs I kinda left it to the last minute I'm sorry, I'll go back and edit it when I am not in a rush dcj nd

Summary: Nanami’s return to the Sorcerer life wasn’t so bad. It could be better if Gojo wasn’t determined to get him back with his ex. As Nanami tries to get on good terms with them, things get out of control, only to end up where it all began.

I made this playlist while writing, in case you wanna listen to it while reading. Preferably listen to it without the shuffle, but you can hear it on shuffle, no biggie.

Nanami had forgotten how painfully unbearable Gojo could be. His return as a Sorcerer had been nothing out of the ordinary for a Sorcerer's standards. Missions here and there, or watching over some of Gojo's students. But God, he had surely stepped out of the line this time.

He couldn't even begin to explain how much he hated his current situation. Fighting by your side for the first time in years felt like rubbing hot oil on an open wound. The uncomfortable ignoring the elephant in the room between you two, as you two tracked and fought what felt like a million Curses.

When the adrenaline was at its peak, it felt almost nostalgic; though he'd then remembered everything else and immediately made his own reality bitter and awkward. Overshadowed by the advantage of years of experience ahead of him made him resent you even more. He knew it was childish and pointless to keep remembering everything that happened between you two, but that bittersweet memory would most likely keep him at bay.

You were still strong, witty, fearless, reckless and quick to act and defend yourself. The way you moved looked more swiftly and coordinated than you did back in your student days. Almost as if you were a professional dancer. He hated every bit of it. He couldn’t stop looking at you, thinking about you, and the possibilities of what you two would have become.

After the mission was over, no words were exchanged between you two. Aside from the: "Are you alright?" He told you as you simply gave him a thumbs up as you caught your breath drenched in sweat. An entire ride in an uncomfortable silence, until he reached the school and you got out of the car.

"Thanks. You did a great job. Keep it up" You said. Cold, and straight to the point. Closing his car door before he could reply. And soon, you were gone.

As Nanami tried to get his mind off the mission, Gojo made it difficult. He called him to ask for the details of the mission. He seemed amused and intrigued, as clearly you hadn't told him shit. And honestly, he could understand why. Gojo was meddling on things that weren’t his business, and things that had died a long time ago.

"Why are you interrogating me, Gojo?" He asked as he pressed hisnfingers on the bridge of his nose. "Ask your underling…"

"Because that jerk left for the bar as soon as they arrived" He explained. "And I know better than to annoy a drunk [Name], It took me a while but...I finally learned my lesson" He chuckled. “I knew they could hit hard, but damn, I had a big ass bruise…” Nanami could almost hear his stupid grin.

"You make it sound like it's a recurrent event" Nanami pointed out, slightly surprised as he didn't know you were a drinker.

"Oh, Nanami-kun, you really know nothing huh?" Gojo said, smiling widely as he had managed to manipulate Nanami into asking.

"Know what?" Nanami hissed as he now swore he could hear Nanami creepily grinning at his phone.

"No, nothing!” Gojo said as if it were nothing; trying and succeeding at peeking at Nanami’s curiosity “I'm not gonna talk over depressing things on the phone. Gotta go, bye! Kith kith, Kento-kun" Gojo sang and hung up, as he smirked, proud of his little mischief. He sighed deeply as he stretched in his bed. "Soon, those two will be back together" he smirked to himself.

Nanami hissed a curse under his breath as he locked his phone and threw it on his bed and went to the kitchen. If he had understood well, Gojo had just hinted at a possible drinking problem. He tried shaking his mind off of it. You couldn't, could you? You weren’t a drinker...You weren’t the last time he saw you. You were able to party and have fun without having to intoxicate yourself.

You were wild, cheerful, unpredictable. Everything he was not. And that’s what had made him fall in love with you back in your school days. You were so laid back, he could feel it permeating into him when you two hung out. The few times he’d broken rules was because you’d been the bad influence, however, you somehow managed to get away with it, and leave him with some distant memory in which he felt actually glad to be alive. He usually felt like he was walking on a cloud stuck in time, being present and enjoying the little things that made his everyday memories.

He’d really screwed up after breaking up with you...if he could call that a breakup... His life took a dramatic turn. And then, he turned his back to this world, and got immersed in the gray life the average man in Japan had. Away from what he's familiar with, away from his friends, away from you.

And now, apparently, you had a drinking habit. He wondered if he had caused it, or if he was one of the reasons behind it. The guilt started creeping in. The same guilt and regret he felt after ghosting on you. Not being able to bring himself to properly end things with you.

The guilt he’d managed to swipe under the rug for so many years creeped back out, and followed him around as the afternoon went by. After having a shower, changing into more comfortable clothes and in a lame attempt to cook dinner, he decided to test his luck. He put on a dark button down shirt and decided to go to the bar closest to the School. He felt the naive hope to find you there. However, if you had an actual problem, then his chances to see you there were higher.

Such was his surprise to find you there, trying to get rid of some insistent guy who kept talking to you despite your very obvious lack of interest. Before you could spot him, he watched you aggressively turn to the guy and talk to him in a rather rude tone. Sounding almost like a moody sailor as the guy’s face soon was washed with horror and disgust and walked away. As you turned your face back to your drink, your eyes scanned the bar, finally spotting him.

“Oh god” You whined as you pulled the glass to your lips. “It’s too early to be this drunk…” You hissed.

“Mind if I sit here?” He asked, pointing at the chair in front of you.

“Tell Gojo to go fuck himself…” You snapped at him as you stood up and stumbled your way to the bar asking for a refill. Nanami looked at you, feeling slightly sorry for your tipsy state, as he’d never seen you like that. And he knew being mad and drunk was never a good combination. As you turned around with your glass and made your way back to your table, you gave him a slightly repulsed smile. “You’re still here…”

“Gojo didn’t send me here, if that’s what you’re thinking” He replied.

“He might as well have manipulated you into doing so, has that crossed your mind?” You said with a sassy tone as you sat back down. “Why are you still standin’?”

Nanami took that as an invitation as he ignored your last comment, trying to refuse the idea that Gojo had manipulated him.

“Rough day, huh?” He said as you nodded and stared at your drink.

“Look, Kento. I’m glad that you’re back. I really am. You’re strong, and you’re smart…” You began. “But I’m gonna cut the chase, I’m kinda annoyed too. Ever since you got back, Gojo has been sticking his snobby nose into my business” You explained. “Many of the missions he sends you in, I’m supposed to be there as well, but manage to get busy by then and not go”

“So you’re actively avoiding me?”

“Yes” You replied bluntly. “Mostly because Gojo is trying very hard to bring us back together. But no, I learned my lesson the first time” You said taking a sip to your scotch, feeling it smoothly sliding down your throat, no longer feeling the burn from the alcohol.

“I haven’t apologized for that…” Nanami began.

“Don’t” You interrupted him. “It’s better this way”

“Are you sure? Because you still seem to have an issue with it…” Nanami said, managing to read you like an open book like he always did. He still had that ability.

You glared at him, angrily as you opened your mouth to snap back at him, but your mind was foggy and a big portion of your brain was focused on the little details surrounding him. His black shirt, the first buttons undone. His thick wrists, one of them hiding underneath a fancy looking watch, his blond hair pushed back, his sharp features...And god, his smell. The smell of his cologne luring you in like a fly to honey. Since any words made it to your mouth, your next step was to take another sip.

“You’re drinking too fast” He pointed out.

“None of your business” You said standing up and taking your wallet out and leaving a few bills on the tale. “I’m out” You said coldly and walked out of the bar.

Nanami sighed, frustrated that he hadn’t managed to get anything out of interaction. Aside from the pretty clear fact that you disliked him. However, he didn’t think of the possibility of you resenting him so much because you still had feelings for him.

As you walked out of the bar, the chilly wind hit the back of your neck, making you shiver. You cursed, knowing it was going to make you feel drunker faster. You made your way to the school with long steps, trying to make it to your dorm before your last drink made it to your head. Despite the cold wind, the hot tears in your eyes in a way kept your face warm. As you tried to keep yourself from crying, you heard steps behind you.

“Wait” You heard Nanami’s voice calling behind you as you stopped on command, against your own will. You swallowed the lump on your throat and managed to keep the tears still in your eyes, as you refused to look at

him. “At least let me walk you home. You can’t walk on your own like this…”

“Oh, so now you care?” You said turning around and looking at him, giving him a smug smile. “You’ve changed” You scoffed bitterly.

“Please” He said, knowing better than trying to argue with you.

Your stare on him softened, as something within you urged you to say yes. To have more time with Nanami and maybe cling to the bittersweet memories you were constantly reliving since his return.

“Fine” You said, very much to his surprise. He smiled and walked closer to you with the gentle smile that had been haunting your dreams as of lately.

“C’mon. My car is not far from here…”

You stopped coldly as he mentioned a car. Taking a second look at him, you wondered how much he’d changed. He’d become an adult through and through, hadn’t he? While you were still a mess...Or so you thought. To Nanami’s eyes, you were a far better sorcerer and warrior than him. And he envied you for it.

“Are you actually going to take me to the school?” You asked, suddenly growing suspicious of him, as you’d had plenty of experiences with strangers on the street and knew better than going into someone’s car in a drunken state.

Not that you didn’t trust Nanami. You didn’t trust yourself drunk.

“I was actually thinking of taking you somewhere for dinner and then to the school” He said.

“Not hungry”

“No, but you’re drunk. It’ll sober you up, and tomorrow morning you’ll thank me when you wake up without a hangover” He said as he walked towards his car.

“I don’t have any more money on me” You lied, looking for an excuse to avoid spending any more than necessary with him.

“I didn’t ask you if you have money” He said boldly as he managed to make you smirk for the first time since his return.

“Smooth, Nanami. You’ve grown” You said as you followed him.

The walk to his car felt like your chest burnt far more than the alcohol ever did. It felt bitter, it hurt and was nauseating. Was it really it, or was it the alcohol finally catching up with you? Like flashes of instant memories being erased from your memory, the drive to a restaurant felt like a poorly edited foreign film. The car felt like some intense themed park ride as you felt dizzy with the alcohol whispering everything you missed about him. It was gross and it was sickening.

The Ramen sign on the outside on itself managed to sober you up a little by taking your mind off Nanami. As you followed him, clumsily standing on your feet, you sat on one of the tables and tried to make sense of the dancing letters in the menu. More flashes of memories were taken off your head, as you wondered what was happening and how drunk were you for you to start blacking out.

“Not good…” you muttered under your breath.

“Did you say something?” Nanami asked.

“No. Nothing”

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m not”

“You’ll feel better in a bit. Don’t worry…” He said softly as he sipped from a soda you didn’t know he had. When had he ordered it? You looked in front of you to the nice surprise that you had one too despite not knowing how or when. “I ordered some ramen for you. Something spicy...It’ll sober you up faster”

You chuckled as you looked at him.

“And how do you know that?” You asked with a cheeky tone as he smiled softly.

“Went drinking a lot with friends from work” He said. “I learned a few things here and there”

More brief black outs kept lazily painting a rather miserable painting in your memory. As you ate your ramen, you found yourself relaxing more and more. Was it the hot spicy broth? In the beginning, the balck outs weren’t getting any less frequent, however, as the night went by, you found yourself sobering up like he said. Soon, the black outs were gone, however you were still somehow locked in a haze. Although it made sense. The amount of booze as well as the short time, it was going to take a lot more than just one hot bowl of spicy ramen to get you back to a sober state.

The conversation kept flowing comfortably as both of you ate. It was reminiscent of the old days, nostalgic and somehow morbid. As the both of you tried to grasp at the old days when your worries were limited to school work. Catching up like old friends who hadn't seen each other, as if you didn’t have hard feelings for each other.

After having finished your food, Nanami paid for both of your meals and went back out into the cold night. The sky black, stars hidden by the streetlights as you made it to his car and finally noticed the silver color in it.

As he drove back to the school, you noticed he took a small detour, instantly setting alarms in your head.

“Where are we going?” You asked, your voice considerably serious as he noticed the change in tone from the pleasant talk they were having in the restaurant.

“There’s somewhere I’d like to go…” He said as he briefly looked at you and gave you a tender smile.

That smile made your heart uncomfortably skip a beat as you hated the effect he still had on you. You didn’t dare to ask any further as you slowly recognized the route he was taking. As he slowly took one of the roads towards the edge of the city close to the coast line. He stopped in a rather deserted place, as he got off the road and stopped the car.

Despite the lack of light, aside from the few streetlights, you knew exactly where you were. A whole in your chest opened dramatically as you felt your eyes tear up and happy memories attached to the location flooded your mind.

“Kento…” You said chuckling bitterly.

“When I said I wanted to apologize, I meant it…” He said as you clenched your jaw and looked out your window, avoiding his stare.

“And I told you I didn’t want to talk about it…”

“You’re still upset about it, I get it. And I don’t blame you” He began as he felt his heart beating hard in his chest. “Look at me, please”

You wanted to say something to him. But you knew you would break down crying as soon as you opened your mouth. You took a deep breath and without saying anything you looked at him. His dark brown eyes gazing into yours, as he was looking at you with a rather pained stare.

“You remember this place, don’t you?” He asked.

A bitter laugh escaped your lips as you clicked your seatbelt, getting it off.

“I’m done” You said dryly as you opened the door and got out of the car.

“No, [Name]. Please, wait” He said as he mirrored your movements and excited the car walking around it.

“Of fuckign course I know where I am, Kento” You barked as you walked away approaching the door. “I know where I lost my fucking virginity, okay?” You barked as you stopped coldly and looked at him, tears finally streaming off your face. “Look, I’ll make us a favour and summarize this conversation. Yes, you’re a fucking asshole for just taking off one day and completely disappearing. Yes, I’m still mad about it. No, I won’t take your apology. No, I don’t care about whatever shitty excuse you have for me to listen to you. You bringing me here out of all places isn’t going to change shit…” You spat all in one breath as you stopped and took a deep breath.

“I loved you, Kento. I really did. And it hurt to have you just dissipate like you were a hallucination or something...You were my first kiss, my first love, my first everything! And one day I lost all of that. You ruined sex for me!” You yelled angrily. “I could never hold, kiss or sleep with anyone, because at some point I’d see your stupid face, and then be incredibly underwhelmed because I would not enjoy sex. I can’t feel anything anymore, Kento...The only way I can actually enjoy those things is by getting drunk or high” You admitted. “I can’t walk into bookstores, nor eat sandwiches or diet coke, nor drink tea because all those things remind me of you. And yes, it’s lame that all these years later I still care about those things. And this is why I can’t forgive you” You cried, as your voice shook.

Nanami’s heart broke little by little at each one of your words. He knew he’d screwed up and had hurt you deeply. But he wasn’t aware of the actual impact. He clenched his jaw as he felt his chest tight and a lump on his throat. Now the drinking problem made sense. Gojo had painted it like you were an alcoholic, but it wasn’t exactly the case. So you’d gone to the bar to get it off with some stranger, probably pretending it was him.

The dizzying pain and weight of his mistakes blinded him for a second as he walked towards you as you kept bitterly complaining. As you tried to walk away, you made a very poor effort as he caught up with you and cupped your face in his hands, bringing you closer to him and shutting you up by pressing his lips against you.

The sudden surprise made your heart stop. Your mind turning numb and blank at once as you struggled to bring yourself to push him away. However, truth be told, you didn't want to push him away. The poor attempt to push him away was more than obvious. The strong fighter you were, barely making any physical effort. Nanami's hands wrapped around your back and pulled you close, squeezing you against him as he sighed into the kiss.

Finally kissing him back, you locked your lips against his desperately, eager to taste the lips you've been dreading in your dreams. Clinging to him like he was going to disappear again, a soft whimper escaped your mouth. Your chest pressing against him as he felt his own world getting blurry.

He broke the kiss pulling away as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“You have no idea how much I missed you” He whispered as you clung to him.

“I-I…” You stuttered, the words tasting bitter before they even made it to your mouth. “Fuck, I want you, Kento” You growled as he pulled you in, kissing you hungrily again.

His hands posessively clinging to you as he slowly guided you back to the car. One step at the time as you both melted in a hungry sour kiss. As you ran out of breath, you pulled away, gasping for air as you gripped his collar in your hands.

“I can’t hold back anymore” You said as you pulled away and grabbed his hand, walking back to his car.

Your words unleashed a shiver down his spine as his heart skipped a beat and raced like crazy, as his pants started feeling tighter on his crotch. He chuckled softly as he realized his own judgement seemed to have disappeared with that first kiss. And before you could even make it to his car, he gripped your hips and spun you around as he bumped his forehead against yours.

“I can’t either” He admitted as he guided you to the car’s hood and pulled you over it. Ass you sat on the warm hood, he got between your legs and you wasted no time wrapping them around his waist. He grunted softly feeling your crotch against his as you pulled him closer to seal your lips together.

As you soon were absorbed by the dizziness of your rising heat, his hand went to your bare thighs as he slowly caressed your skin, going up and lifting your skirt up in the process. A soft moan slid into his mouth as he gripped your ass softly and squeezed it. The way your skin got covered in goosebumps and how you jerked your hips made him moan in response.

It felt good, and intoxicating. The driving desire burning his insides. The feeling of desiring to taste you all over and have you shaking underneath him. God, he’d missed that particular rush of adrenaline. His body reacting to the deeply buried memories now loose. He felt like he was in the best high he’d experienced. Lightheadedness and presence in the moment, he hadn’t felt this alive in so long.

Your hands were slowly undoing his buttoned shirt and were quick to explore his warm skin. He pulled away from the kiss, gasping as he looked at you. Your devilish smile matching your hungry stare. You leaned forward kissing his neck, nibbling on his skin every now and then. His hand gripped your hair tightly, pulling it lightly, making you look up at him as he stared at you.

He leaned forward, kissing you once more, this time a lot more slow and a lot more tender. It was sweet and it was slow and it took you by surprise. You felt his sweet kiss begging you, still holding on to the feelings you both decided to drown unsuccessfully. It almost hurt. It was the kind of kiss that told you how much you missed and needed each other. How much you regretted the mistakes you’ve done.

As you melted against his lips, his hands slowly slid your panties off. You helped him lifting your hips a little but as you giggled against his lips.

“Eager?” You said with a playful smirk.

“You have no idea” He replied as he took off your panties and shoved them in his back pocket.

His hand made it back to your thigh, slowly going up until he palmed your hot sex. Stealing a gasp out of your mouth, he teasingly ran one of his fingers through your dripping slit, making him smile satisfied.

“I’m not the only one, huh?” He said as you looked at him with lustful eyes.

You took his glasses off and set them aside. You were about to go back to kissing his neck when he slid one finger inside of you effortlessly. A rather loud moan escaped your lips as you shut your eyes closed feeling your entire body tingle in a way you hadn’t felt in years. You smiled satisfied as you continued kissing his neck. Slowly, he got another finger inside. The delicious stretch of his second finger prompting you to bite his neck softly making him growl your name softly. His fingers explored the whole he knew so well, as he found your sweet spot almost by muscle memory. More moans came out of your throat sounding like music to his ears.

“Fuck, Kento” You hissed as you took off your top, not caring that you were outdoors and by the road. Up to this point, you were so pent up, you simply craved him like you’d never craved anything before.

Nanami wasted no time and kissed your neck, going down to your neck, gently biting your skin every now and then. Sucking delicately on your skin, leaving marks that wouldn’t last long. He pulle dhis fingers out of you, clinging to your body desperately. As you laid on the car’s hood, you devoured him with your lustful eyes, begging him to get on top of you. Wearing just your skirt by this point, Nanami groaned at the plain sight of you.

He undid his belt and his pants. Your hands playfully teasing your own body in an attempt to drive him crazier and crazier. He cursed under his breath as he couldn’t take it any longer. He pulled his painfully hard erection out of his pants. You watched hi, intrigued, stretching your hands towards him, gently gripping his dick. His breath hitched and you smiled proudly.

Nanami leaned over the car hood, slowly getting on top of you, his shaft resting on your belly as he looked at how much deep could he go inside of you. His tip almost reaching you belly button, as the idea alone made a shiver run down his spine.

"Please, Kento" you gasped, need dripping from your voice as you caressed his dick

He growled softly as he pulled away softly, aligning against your entrance and slowly going in. You gasped, pushing your head back and pressing your hips against his making him go deeper.

Hissing your name, he jerked his hips, his tip.kissing your cervix as sudden rush of pain jolted through your body, followed by pleasure. You dug your nails in his shoulders as he thrusted back and forth, hitting all the right spots. The sound of his gasps and grunts hypnotizing as you got wetter by the second. His length coated in your juices, echoing in lewd wet noises.

He was rough. He usually was. Back in student days, he was particularly rough. As quiet and collected as he seemed, he sure got his stress out if his body through wild sex.

Relentlessly pushing against you, stretching you in such a delicious way only he knew how. Strong and aggressive movements as your walls swallowed him whole every time, breathless moans escaping your lips with every push. The cool wind kissing your skin, only enhancing his warmth.

As you felt your orgasm progressively approaching, the realization of how addicted you were to him hit you. He was everything you desired. And it was wrong. Before the feeling of uneasiness started to sink in, a sudden electric rush ran through your body. Painfully and soothing, as you tightly clenched around himbsoon numbed your mind.

As you came around him, your walls sucked him in tightly, as he was right over the brink, your velvet flesh pushed him off the edge. He didn't have time to pull out. And honestly, he didn't want to pull out. The way your walls milked him felt delicious. As he rode you through your orgasm, filling you up as his head felt dizzy and the world was spinning faster than usual. His hot seed coating your insides, as you shut your eyes closed, feeling the very last of your orgasm fading away.

He pressed his forehead against yours. Loud pants echoing.

However, the world didn't quite return to its regular focus.

The rest of the night went by in a fuzzy hot mess of events. You returned to his apartment and kept feasting on each other, making up for the lost time. Both of you incredibly starved and needy, you desperately went at it over and over again. It was a rather long night. As you feared, no one made you feel as he did. All of him was addicting. His smell, his voice, his warmth, his skin...It didn’t matter how many strangers you fucked, or how drunk or high you were, he felt just right. He made you cum so easily, it seemed ridiculous everyone else couldn’t.

But you knew it was far more than that.

You were still deeply in love with him. No wonder why he had that effect on you. Just hearing his breathlessly gasp was enough to have you soaking wet and under his mercy. Between sweet kisses, fake promises and sweaty sex, he quite literally fucked you to oblivion. Until either of you could take it any longer and you two fell asleep in each other’s arms. It had been a long tiring night, as you knew many of your muscles were gonna be sore the next day. Your chest painted in red and blue bruises.

It was possibly one of the best night sleeps he’d had. In such a long time. The uncomfortable hole in his chest didn’t feel so wide now. Just like you, he didn’t know how much he actually needed you until now. His regrets, his guilt, the thoughts haunting him on how much of a jerk he’d been when he simply took off...All those feelings went away for a night. As he tasted the wonders of the universe under your skin. Feeling ecstatic and euphoric for the first time in years. However, nothing could’ve prepared Nanami for what he was about to experience when he woke up.

~

“What the hell is this?” Gojo asked as he waved around the folder you’d left a few hours earlier in the Headmaster’s office.

“Why the fuck do you care?” You said as you grabbed it, ripping it off his hands.

“You’re seriously leaving for Kyoto?” He whined.

“So my transfer was accepted? Great!” You said sarcastically as you opened the folder and saw the Headmaster’s seal at the bottom.

“What about Nanami-kun?” Gojo replied as the very last string of your patience snapped.

“Oh, fuck you, Gojo! You tried to force us back together, but it’s not going to happen” You snapped. “I’m done. I’m done with him, and I’m done with you sticking your nose in my business”

“Do you really think that running away will solve anything? You’ll still be depressed as hell”

“The less I know about him, the better” You said as you turned around, hot tears blurring your sight as you headed with long steps towards your room. “I don’t trust myself around him…” You whispered. “He’s my weakness Gojo, I can’t let that happen…” You said coldly.

You’d left that morning very early, before Nanami woke up. And you left leaving no trace of you ever being there. Unintentionally doing the same he did. It was unintentional because you hadn’t done it out of spite. Your thought process had been simply. You preferred to not have that conversation and simply leave without him noticing. You had had the exact same thought process Nanami had had all those years ago.

You didn’t waste time and soon started packing your things to leave for Kyoto right away.

[vaugarde]

muwunedancer YAY one of my fave support ponies

-i’m sorry her little small ponytail directly on the head had to go. it reminded me of those large buns that sit right on top of the head and personally every girl ive met w that hairstyle was homophobic LMAO i couldnt do that to her. so now she has a ponytail where she just kinda threw it on last second

-very messy look. she has depression sadly. also adhd. her entire episode is just rsd tbh

-in this au she is twilight’s cousin! it’s not a happy story though. before i get into that though, she has very very slight bat pony traits since she’s part of that bloodline (obviously lacking the bat wings) 

-where twilight was a natural genius that secured a position as celestia’s protege immediately and had the full support of her parents, moondancer wasn’t so lucky. though she was also smart, she wasn’t nearly as good as her cousin, and her parents were humiliated by that. they pressured her to do more and more than she could handle, and she was put in celestia’s school when she didn’t really want to. twilight had to attend regular classes though, so they’d sometimes be in class together. her parents would pit her against her and ask her why couldn’t she be more like her cousin. no matter how much she succeeded, her parents just said that twilight is mentored by the princess.

-even though she was pitted against twilight growing up, the two of them got along fine. twilight’s parents didn’t really entertain moondancer’s parents shit and tried to make moondancer feel comfortable. the both of them suffered from pretty bad anxiety and didnt understand social norms, so they got along fine with that. for a while, twilight was actually her only friend, and their other unicorn friends felt more like friends of a friend (who only seem to be acquaintances...) yeah she really only felt close with twilight

-but well. your only friend being pitted against you by your parents and used to remind you of why you’re a failure compared to her. things are gonna be rocky. she was pretty resentful of twilight’s successes. she tried to act like twilight more and more. she styled her mane like hers and everything. twilight thought it was weird but didn’t really speak up about it (bc she didn’t like to). she pulled away from her main interest (astronomy) and just poured herself into studying. she idolized her cousin and desperately wanted her approval if she couldn’t have her parents.

-bc she had so little free time, her social life suffered even more. she had no real friends outside of her own family. shit kinda sucked. so she tried to take some risks and reach out. it was very awkward, but she made a slightly stronger friendship with lemon heart, minuette, and twinkleshine (if shaky). 

-but it got worse when sunset and twilight fell out and she left her. twilight stopped reaching out to others and only cared about her studies, leaving moondancer in the dust. since twilight was one of her only friends, she took the rejection extremely hard. when twilight left canterlot and didn’t acknowledge her cousin once (not even attending her party with so much of a heads up), she fell into a very deep depression.

-her parents never really let up on her. shit got VERY bad when twilight became an alicorn. “look at your cousin. you’re doing nothing with your life when your cousin is a princess. what’s your excuse? you’re just too lazy to get on her level”. 

-yeah she was bitchy to twilight in amending fences. some of it was undeserved, yes, but twilight did really mess up by not communicating with her. at this point she’s reconciled with sunset and has the hindsight to see why she was rude. moondancer promises to get help and the two of them start repairing their relationship. it was basically all just the culmination of their childhood boiling over- once she stopped bottling everything up, things got way better.

-shes still pretty weak in the social aspect, but her relationship with twilight and the other 3 unicorns is way better than it used to be. she’s made quite a few friends at the library and the observatory. she’s also ignoring her parents. idk where her sister fits into this btw sorry ill figure it out

-idk shes struggling yeah. but shes improving little at a time :) some progress is better than none.

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[multiplefandomfics]

Vacation

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Virgin!PlusSize!reader

Warnings: self consciousness, unprotected smut, authority kink, daddy kink, angst, fluff

Words:3295

You were sitting in a bar somewhere in Croatia. Frustrated about the turn of recent events.

The trip was supposed to be about you and your friends. Just enjoying the sun and ocean. No boys allowed! But then on the 2nd evening your friends had abandoned you at the bar to go clubbing with some boys from spain. Fan-fucking-tastic, you thought.

There went your nice all girls vacation. The way you knew your friends you weren't going to see them for a while.

Just as you were about to pay your tab and leave, someone sat down next to you and started talking. “Hi, sweetheart. You alone here?” he didn’t say much but you recognized that voice immediately. Your head snapped upwards and your eyes widened. Of all the people you would have never expected him there. Sebastian Stan. The man of your wet dreams.

You fumbled your phone out of your purse and unlocked the screen. Yep, he was definitely the man from your wallpaper.

“You okay there?” he asked, smiling before his eyes fell on your background picture.

“Oh, so you know me.” he figured.

“Ehm, yeah, yeah I do. Holy shit you’re even more beautiful in person.” you swooned.

He laughed heartily at that and ordered you and himself another drink.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you with your girlfriend on vacation? Sorry if I give off stalker vibes” you turned red faced.

“That’s a long story but to cut to the chase, I don’t have a girlfriend anymore.” his face turned slightly sour at the thought of his ex.

“Oh, I’m genuinely sorry to hear that. She seemed to make you happy.”

“Well, she did. But not anymore. So enough of her, what’s your name and what are you doing here?” He changed the topic.

“How rude of me, my name is Y/N and I was initially here to have a nice week with my girls. But now they've abandoned me in favor of some guys. So I decided to have a few drinks by myself and then go back to the house we rented.” you let all your frustration out.

“Wow, that sounds terrible. But the night doesn’t have to end like this. Would you like to dance?” he asked friendly.

“I can’t dance.” you objected.

“I’ll lead you, come on.” he paid for both of your drinks and then held out his hand for you to take. And how could you say no to that face?

“Alright. Let’s do this. And thanks for the drinks but you didn’t need to pay for me.” you told him.

“I know. You look like you could hold your own but I simply wanted to pay.” he grinned and you accepted his answer.

He pulled you onto the kinda crowded dance floor and guided your hands on his shoulders. Then he guided your clumsy body to the beat and soon it started to be real funny.

“Okay, that was fun but I need a break. And preferably some fresh air.” you yelled over the music out of breath.

He understood and took you outside in front of the bar and a bit away from the entrance where the smokers stood.

“See I told you if you ease into things and give me a chance I can make this a night you won’t forget.” he grinned, mischievously.

“A bit cheeky aren’t we?” you tried to play his game but his advances made you a bit uncomfortable to say the least.

The thing was, you didn’t decide on a men free vacation with your friends because you wanted to get a break from all the guys pursuing you at home but because your friends were constantly surrounded by guys and only talked about their experiences with the opposite sex and that reminded you of how inexperienced you were.

You had always been self conscious. Your girl friends were always tall and skinny or at least of normal weight and could wear all the trendiest clothes but you could not shop for nice wearables so easily. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, when you went out with your friends and you had really given your look everything, still they were advanced by men and you weren’t. It was frustrating.

That brought you back to the situation at hand- why did Sebastian Stan, Hollywood hottie, decide to pick you out of all these beautiful girls at the bar? It was a riddle to you.

“Can I ask you something?” you hesitantly asked.

“Anything.” he smiled.

“Why did you want to talk to me?”

The hurt in your eyes told him that you were genuinely interested in an honest answer.

“Because you seemed lonely and so am I. Also you are beautiful and now I know that you are kind and funny, too. You are perfect.” you couldn’t believe that.

“Are you serious? Me? Perfect? You have gotta be kidding me!” you scoffed.

“Why would I? In you I see something permanent. Something that could develop into more. What do you see?” he asked, concerned.

“I don’t know. I just have never heard that I am beautiful from a man before.” you looked down, embarrassed.

“You can’t be serious! What kind of stupid idiots have you met in your life before?” he asked, astonished.

“The kind that wants a model type by their side. Just the kind of arm candy you should have by yours too. Not a chubby girl like me. I’m sorry I wasted your time.” you had to hold back tears at your confession and wanted to turn around to leave. But he grabbed your arm and forced you to look at him. “Hey, don’t go. I meant what I said. I am sorry that you have only been hurt by men so far but I promise I’m not like that. You can rely on me. I really want to get to know you. Let me take you home and we watch a movie or something? It’s only 10pm. No strings attached.” he offered.

That did sound like a dream and you decided quickly that you had nothing to lose if you said yes.

“Okay. The house is right up that hill and behind that little bit of forest.” you informed him.

He offered his arm, gentlemen like and you took it.

“So where are you from when you are on vacation here at the moment?” he asked to make smalltalk.

“I’m from Germany.”

“Impossible! I heard Germans speak English and they have a strong accent. You have barely an accent and I would have placed you closer to the states.” he was surprised.

“I hear that a lot actually. But I have never been to the US. I just watch a lot of movies and TV shows in English. And I read books in English too.” you smiled bashfully.

“That’s amazing. I think I have a stronger european accent than you do and I’ve lived in the US since I was 12.” he laughed.

“Well, English is my comfort language so I’m always happy when I can use it.” you said nonchalantly.

“Marvelous. You’re amazing.” he complimented.

“Oh, stop it.” you turned red.

“I’m only saying what's true.”

“You’re too kind.”

You walked uphill towards the small wood you had to cross, in the dark. Great idea!

He walked pretty fast and you had to almost jog to keep up with him which made you sweat and got you terribly out of breath.

When the trees around you got thicker and it got even darker it happened. You stepped on a rock, it rolled to the side and you twisted your ankle.

“Shit! Ouch!” you exclaimed loudly.

“What happened?” he asked scared.

“Twisted my ankle. It’s just too fucking dark.” you were angry at yourself for being so stupid.

“Damn. Can you step on your foot?” he asked.

“I don’t know. But what other options do we have? I gotta try.”

You stepped from your left foot onto your right and it buckled beneath you under the pain. “Fuck!”

“Okay that won’t work.” he stated and the next second he just picked you up bridal style and started to carry you on.

“Are you crazy? Let me down. I’m definitely too heavy to carry.” you ordered him.

“No, you are not. And when you try to hobble home we won’t make it until sunrise. So now shut up and let me carry you.” he silenced you efficiently.

“But take a break if you need to, and you will need one eventually.” you mumbled.

The rest of the way you held onto him and buried your face in his neck. Damn, did he smell good. It almost made you moan.

When you arrived at the door he didn’t let you down as you would have expected him to, no, he grabbed the keys from your hands, opened the door and carried you into the living room to lay you down on the couch.

“Thank you Sebastian. You are so kind. What can I ever do to repay you?” you asked him.

“Hmm, maybe let me kiss you?” he suggested and you had to swallow nervously. He immediately picked up on your hesitation “Only if you want to of course.”

“Sure I want to, but… I have never kissed anyone before.” you averted your eyes in embarrassment.

“Then let me change that, please.” he begged. You saw no resentment or reproach in his beautifully blue eyes.

Of course you caved and nodded your consent.

He leaned closer to your crouched form on the couch, put his hand on your thigh and brushed his lips to yours.

The kiss was sweet and careful not to startle you or demand something from you that you could feel uncomfortable with.

“So how was your first kiss?” he asked and smiled.

“Very nice.” you looked blissed out at him. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I would really love to do that again.”

“Please do.” you confirmed.

Oh and he did. The kiss was magical. This time he pushed his tongue sensually into your mouth and you were stunned how good that felt.

“You okay?” he wanted to know afterwards.

“More than okay. I’m happy you picked me at the bar. Usually they say “never meet your heroes” but with you that’s different.”

“Thanks,doll. That means a lot to me.” he leaned in and kissed your neck.

At the mention of that particular nickname your posture stiffened. He noticed.

“What’s wrong? Did I say something?”

“Ehm, well … you know I haven’t only had a crush on you but also on Bucky… maybe.” you whispered.

At first he seemed confused as to where this confession suddenly came from but then it clicked.

“It’s the nickname. I called you doll.” he laughed. “I didn’t even register that I got that from him. But if it turns you on I will keep using it.” that grin could win you over any day.

“I could get used to it actually. I never would have imagined someone calling me that. But you make it sound so hot. Thanks for making me feel good.”

“Anytime, doll.” he kissed you again.

“By the way, didn’t we wanna watch a movie?” you suddenly asked.

“Yes, of course. Do they have Netflix or something on here?” did he wanna know.

“Disney+. And with it all the Marvel Movies.” you winked at him.

“Anything you want, doll.” he kept using that nickname over and over but you loved it.

“Which one have you not seen yet?”

“I think I’ve actually seen them all. Which one is your favorite?”

“I love the ones you’re in the most.” you confessed.

“Okay, close your eyes and I’ll pick your favorite one.” he suggested.

“Alright. Let’s give it a try.” you agreed.

When you were allowed to open your eyes again you saw the opening credits of a Marvel movie flashing. You recognized the first scene: The Washington Monument and a very exhausted looking Sam Wilson and you heard “on your left” which made you smile. He knew then that he had picked the right movie.

“Good choice.” you praised him.

Then you cuddled up to him and he put his arm around you.

Although you were pretty tired after about half the movie you could not skip over one second of that glorious movie.

“You know- the Winter Soldier is kinda hot. So determined and dominant.” You slurred when you saw him walk down that car after he jumped from the bridge.

“You think so? You like to be dominated? Controlled? Called names? Maybe tied up and used?” he growled into your ear.

“Fuck.” you whimpered and clenched your thighs.

“You like the thought of that don’t you?” he bit into your earlobe.

You nodded furiously.

“Use your words babygirl.”

“Yes, sir.” you said.

“So, an authority kink is there too. And here I thought you were so innocent.” he pushed.

“How can you be innocent when you read fanfiction almost every day?” you quipped.

“Fanfiction, huh? Can you show me examples so I can paint myself a picture?” he asked.

You took your phone out and opened Tumblr. Then you searched for your favorite Bucky fanfic with all the kinks you enjoyed and handed the phone to him.

He read with interest and you studied his facial expressions, smirking when you saw reactions to certain parts you had expected to come.

“So that’s the kind of naughty literature you enjoy alone in your bed, touching yourself maybe.” he growled.

“Yes, sir. The imagination of what you could do to me makes me so wet.” you bit your lip seductively.

Suddenly you were in a flow. All the insecurities about your body and weight were gone. Only him and your sexual fantasies existed in the moment.

“Fuck baby.” he moaned and grabbed your hand to push it onto his growing bulge. “Feel what you do to me, doll?”

“So hot.” you moaned back and felt the urge to take charge. So you got onto your knees and sat in his lap grinding down on him.

Before anything could go further he stopped you and whispered “if at any point you want to stop or feel uncomfortable or I’m doing something you are not ready for or don’t like, tell me and we will stop immediately. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sebastian. I understand. Thanks.”

And so it continued. Grinding and kissing. Until he suddenly stood up abruptly holding you close. “I’m not taking your virginity on this couch. Where is your bedroom?”

He was so considerate “upstairs and then the last door on the right.”

He carried you to the room, carefully laying you down on the bed so as to not disturb your injured foot.

When he unbuttoned the button down he was wearing and took it off you were already drooling.

“Let me undress you, darling. Turn around so I can unzip your dress. Which is beautiful by the way.” he suggested and winked.

You did as he told you and soon felt your dress falling off your shoulders. He helped you pull it over your head and left you in your bra, chub rub shorts and panties.

A little embarrassed at the shorts you looked to the side. But you couldn’t go out in a dress without wearing any type of pants underneath.

“You are so sexy, baby.” he did everything to make you feel comfortable and you started to believe him.

“May I?” he motioned for your bra and you nodded your consent.

Next he took off his jeans and the realization of what was to come started to seep into your mind.

“You still okay with this?” he made sure.

“Yes. I want this Sebastian. I really do. I trust you” you assured him.

So he proceeded with the rest of your clothes and lastly his boxer shorts.

The whole time he kept kissing you hungrily. When he crawled on top of you and you had that skin on skin contact you had never felt so safe with anyone before.

“I gotta prep you before we go all the way, alright? Don’t wanna hurt you, doll.” he whispered between kisses.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good, promise.”

“Please.” you begged.

That’s when he scooted down your body, kissing every inch of skin he could reach. The next thing you felt was him placing a kiss on your mound, and then his tongue poking out starting to flick your clit. He pushed your legs further apart to gain better access.

“Fuck, feels so good.” you moaned just when he inserted one finger into your tight pussy. “Oh, my gosh. Don’t stop.” you begged him.

“I won’t” he mumbled and kept attacking your clit.

“‘m so close.”

“Come for me baby. Come now.” That command was the last straw which brought you to orgasm.

Breathlessly you smiled down at him and he smiled right back at you.

“You up for more?” he needed the confirmation that you were alright.

“Yes, sir. Now I don’t know why I have never done this before. I don’t ever want you to stop again.” At that statement he laughed heartily.

“Then let’s start, shall we?” he kept kissing over your belly, up to your breasts, licked your nipples and sucked hickies onto your neck.

“Ready?”

“Can you just fuck me already?” you asked annoyed.

“Someones being needy.” he joked and finally penetrated your pussy.

“Oh, fuck. So big. Hmmm. deep. Shit.” you were already reduced to a mumbling mess.

“Such a tight fit. You feel amazing.” he buried his head into your neck.

And then he started to move. Slowly at first but picked up speed rapidly. He hit spots inside you that your favorite vibrator was never able to get.

End then something you never wanted anyone to hear slipped your mouth “Fuck, daddy. Harderr!” and suddenly he stopped completely and you mewled disappointed until you realized what you had said. You opened your eyes to see his reaction.

You expected him to be disgusted but all you could see was a hunger. He looked like a predator who finally caught his prey.

“Say that again!” he growled. That statement of his made a surge of pride and confidence rush through you.

You bit your lip mischievously and said “Please, daddy. Fuck me harder.” and he immediately snapped.

He pistoned his hips forward, hitting your cervix over and over until you were so desperately close.

“You’re about to come, aren’t you? I can feel your pussy squeezing me, doll. Alright I’m gonna count down and I want you to come with me. Understood”

“Yes, daddy please… need to come… so bad.”

“Five..” deep thrust. “Four…” nip to the collarbone. “Three…” you clawed at his back. “Two…” you tried your hardest not to come and closed your eyes. “Look at me babygirl..” so you opened your eyes. “One… Come” and the dam broke. You had never come so hard in your life. No toy could ever make you feel the way this man did. Your quivering cunt made him come so hard. When he rolled off you he was breathing just as heavy as you were. The only noise you heard was your rapid heartbeat and blood rushing in your ears.

“That was amazing. We definitely need to do that again” you said.

“Oh yes. Anytime.”

The next week flew by so quickly and you two spent most of it in bed. You decided that your lives needed to be lived together so the next chance you got you would be moving in with him. Sometimes dreams do come true!

[hyuckssunchip]

Blooming Pt. 2

Pairings: Jisung x Reader, ft. nct dream, lucas (honorary member of dream)

Words: 5.5K

Warnings: Language (there is almost always language in my writings), angst, fluff

Synopsis:

Love isn’t as easy as it seems, Park Jisung is an advocate of that. A blooming relationship that has prematurely ceased can be re-sparked years later, or can it? Will Jisung be able to overcome his fears in order to succeed in what he deems love?

Part 1 | Part 2

“What’s this?” Renjun picked up the textbook on the kitchen table.

Jeno looked up from his laptop briefly, shrugging before returning to the screen. “Jisung threw it there earlier today.”

Renjun picked up the book, getting a good look at the cover, “The Introduction to the female reproductive system? What’s Jisung doing with a book like this?” He pulled the receipt from the back cover, glancing at it.

Jeno finally stood up from his seat, peeking over his shoulder and shaking his head with a frown.

“Jisung said not to touch it.” Jaemin entered the rooming, sitting across from the boys, munching on a snack. “He’s got to return it later.”

“Why?” Renjun asked, sending a look at Jaemin who was spreading crumbs. “The receipt says he bought it today.”

Jaemin grinned sheepishly, getting the message, and he wiped the crumbs into the palm of his hands. 

“I don’t know. Probably the wrong version or something.” Jaemin stood up, dumping his handful into the trash.

“But Jisung’s not even taking a class remotely related to this. Why would he buy it in the first place?” Renjun pushed. 

“I don’t know.” Jaemin shook his head at him, “Why don’t you ask him?”

“Ask who what?” Chenle asked, entering the kitchen to grab an apple.

“Jisung bought a weird book.” Jeno spouted whilst typing away.

Chenle laughed, “Of course he did, no wonder he’s been in such a happy mood.”

“What?” Renjun asked.

“Yeah, he’s had the dumbest smile all over his face since he got back.” Chenle took a large bite out of the apple.

“Where did he go?” Jaemin cocked his head, wandering around the kitchen for another snack.

“I don’t know, probably the bookstore.” 

Jisung emerged from his room, wearing a grin that very similarly resembled Chenle’s expression. He hummed a tune that soon overtook the rest of the hushed chatter, the other boys simply stared at him. Even Jeno stopped his typing, watching Jisung intently.

“What’s got you so happy?” Jaemin asked leaning in close to the unsuspecting boy.

“Hmmm? Oh. Nothing.” Jisung just grinned back.

“Right. Nothing.” Renjun squinted his eyes at him, with a sarcastic tone.

Jisung couldn’t help the smile that seemed to grow. “Actually I-”

“Guess who?” The door slammed shut.

“Haechan, seriously. Just text us before you come over. One of these days you’re gonna give someone a heart attack.” Renjun scolded.

“Really Renjun? You’re not eighty, I’m not going to scare you to death.” Haechan brushed past the muttering boy.

“I wouldn’t put it past you.”

Haechan chose to ignore it if he had heard. “So what are we talking about today?”

Chenle perked up, being the first to offer information. “Jisung bought a weird book, and he’s super happy about it.”

Mark frowned at Jisung, “What?”

In return Jisung spared him a glance before correcting the previous statement, “I have a date.”

“Dude no way.” Mark clapped Jisung on the back, which consequently had him stumbling forward a few steps.

“With who?” Jaemin creeped forward with interest.

“Guess.” There was a cheeky grin that brightened his features.

“No fucking way.” Haechan let out unintentionally. “I mean, congrats Jisung.”

“When?” Renjun asked, more than slightly intrigued. 

“Friday.” He smiled at his feet, “I asked her today after we got back from the bookstore. Also, that guy? Not her boyfriend.”

Jeno spoke up, his curiosity getting the better of him. “What’s the book for though?”

“Oh.” Jisung turned red, “I told her I had to buy a textbook too, and I just grabbed a random book. I didn’t mean to grab that one.” He scratched the back of his neck, in embarrassment.

Chenle snorted, “Wow, some luck.”

But Jisung didn’t feel the same sentiment, as he was still over the moon about your date. He didn’t mind the embarrassment for a moment, the ending result was well worth the sacrifice.

“So where are you guys going?” Haechan asked, wicked thoughts already entering his head.

“No. The answer is no.” Jisung’s smile dropped for the first time. “I’m not stupid, and I don’t want you showing up.”

Haechan playfully scowled, “I’m just trying to help, just give you a little push is all.”

“I don’t need a push. I got a date just fine without you.” Jisung retorted, stealing a cookie from Jaemin as he left to return to his room.

“Do any of you know?” Haechan immediately turned to ask the others.

They all shook their heads, even if they did know they wouldn’t tell Haechan. After all they were rather hoping Jisung and you would get together, and the chances would significantly slim if Haechan were to get involved.

“So Jake told me Lucas has been raving about you since your last date? What’d you do? Sleep with him?” Alex snickered at the thought.

“Yeah.” You deadpanned, not taking your eyes off your book.

There was a loud thud from behind you and you tried your hardest not to laugh. 

“What?!” You turned just in time to see Alex bound over to you, skidding across the floor.

A smile betrayed you, “I’m just kidding. I don’t know, we just had a good time.”

“Bitch.” She muttered under breath, obviously annoyed by your lie. “I was really excited. You didn’t have to do that.”

You giggled, “Is my love life really that interesting?”

“Yes.” She crossed her arms, “I’m bored because I’ve already got a boyfriend. I need to live vicariously through someone.”

You frowned at her before returning to your book, “Well, just because I feel kinda bad for lying to you, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.”

You didn’t have to look up to know she was leaning in intensely, “What?”. It came out as a whisper and you could see how badly she wanted to hear it.

“I’ve got a date.” 

Alex leaned back with a sigh, evidently unimpressed. “That’s your secret? I mean I already assumed Lucas was gonna ask again. I wanted something more juicy.”

You bit your lip with a smile, “It’s not with Lucas.”

That had her. “Holy shit. Who?”

You glanced at the wall that separated you and your neighbors, and she immediately understood. “Jisung?”

For a moment it was unusually silent. Then she let out an ear-deafening squeal. “Oh my god! He finally asked you? Or did you ask him? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”

The frenzy of questions had you laughing at her excitement. “He asked me just a few hours ago.” You couldn’t hide the smile any longer, teeth now on full view.

She scooted closer to you, grabbing a hold of your arm, “Tell me everything.”

And so you did. For the most part it was you recanting your story, and every once in a while Alex would squeal and smack you in excitement.

Eventually her excitement died down, after all the girl only has so much energy.

“What about Lucas?” She asked softly, glancing at your profile.

You picked at the page nervously, hissing when you got a paper cut. Immediately you stuck your finger in your mouth, a habit you had since you were a child.

Although Jisung asking you out was something you had wished for since the moment you met him, you knew it wasn’t right to just drop Lucas like that. Besides you liked the guy, he made you feel comfortable, and not to mention he really knew how to lay it on thick. He was a natural flirt. 

Of course you liked being flirted with, doted on. And Lucas really was a great guy. But in all honesty you couldn’t really see a future with him. He just didn’t send flutters in your stomach the way that Jisung did. 

You pursed your lips in thought, mulling over how you were going to go about the situation. 

“I don’t know. We’re supposed to meet for lunch tomorrow. I guess I’ll tell him then.” You sighed, not liking how you were suddenly thrust into this situation. Why did two great guys have to come at the same time?

Alex nodded, understanding your predicament. She also understood the way that you felt about Jisung.

Feelings that didn’t go away after two years, meant something, didn’t they? 

“I’m really sorry. I think you’re a great guy, really.” You paused, watching his reaction. You had just dumped everything on to Lucas, and you couldn’t tell what he was feeling. Resentment? Anger? Disappointment?

But he just nodded with a tight smile. It clearly wasn’t genuine. 

“I hate it when people say this, but it isn’t you it’s me. Really. You’re a fantastic guy, and I think anybody would be lucky to have you as a partner. But… I just can’t ignore my feelings, you know?”

You bit your lip with a frown, looking up from under your lashes. 

He laid his hand on top of yours, just holding it for a moment. 

“I understand. And there’s absolutely no hard feelings.” This time the smile seemed less forced. “I wished things could’ve worked out, but things don’t always go the way we want right?”

You sent him a soft smile, guilt still plaguing you.

“And just so you know, if you ever want to hit me up, I’m all for it.” He paused, glancing at you, “Whether you want a friend or something more.”

In silence, the two of you looked at each other for a moment.

“Y/N?” A voice interrupted you, making you widen your eyes.

Why did he always seem to catch you in compromising situations?

“Jisung.” You froze, unable to move or find the words to explain yourself. This obviously didn’t look good, here you were on what looked to be a ‘date’ just after accepting Jisung.

But he did know the situation, he did know that you were seeing Lucas. But it didn’t mean that he was keen on seeing you with him.

It seemed like everyone was left speechless, including a very wide-eyed Haechan, who you would’ve thought never could happen.

Jisung’s eyes flickered to the way Lucas’s hand enveloped yours, and you immediately pulled away, brushing your hair behind your ear out of nerves.

Looking between the two of you, Lucas seemed to get a pretty good idea of what was going on. He stood up and sent you a soft smile, before turning back to the group. 

“I’m gonna pay for it,” he cut you off as you tried to protest. “I’ll see you around sometime.” And with one last glance at the boys he shouldered past them.

The silence lasted for quite a while. 

“Guys, there’s a table- Oh, hi Y/N.” Jaemin had walked in belatedly, missing the situation, and was way too bright for the circumstance.

Renjun elbowed him in the side, earning a wide-eyed look of confusion.

You waited, hoping for Jisung to say something, because for some reason your mouth wouldn’t move. Words you had to say, dying in the back of your throat. 

But Jisung didn’t have anything to say. So he left.

You sent a shy smile to the boy next door, but he quickly ducked past his door, leaving you with the sound of the slamming.

You bit your lip. You didn’t blame him for being upset at what he saw. You would be too. You just thought that he would at least talk or look at you by now. 

Even your random run ins with Jaemin seemed to have an awkward air, like he would get in trouble if he talked to you.

“This is exactly what I didn’t want.” You ranted frustratedly to your roommate. “Our neighbors are avoiding me like the plague, and I can’t even get a smile out of Jaemin. Jaemin! The dude doesn’t know what it means to not smile, and now suddenly he’s a pro at it.”

You huffed, glaring at Alex. At this she put her hands up as if to say she wasn’t the one who didn’t smile at you.

You collapsed into the chair, shoving your head into your crossed arms. 

“Why don’t you just try to talk to him then? Clear things up.” She asked gently, as though she was worried this suggestion might set you off again.

“You don’t think I want to? He avoids me at all costs. If I can’t even get him to look at me, how’m I supposed to have a conversation with him?”

Alex shrugged, thinking the better of meddling again, choosing to retreat to her room to leave you with your own thoughts.

However, unbeknownst to you, the same chaos was occurring right next door.

“Should we talk to him?” Jaemin whispered while staring at the hallway, as if suddenly Jisung would pop out and let him have it.

“Does it look like he wants to be talked to?” Chenle asked sarcastically, “I don’t know about you, but I like my limbs intact.”

Jeno nodded, “I’ve never seen him this upset before. We should just let him cool off.”

“Cool off? He’s been cooling off for the past week, that’s not helping.” Renjun muttered angrily. He had unfortunately been a victim of Jisung’s wrath the night after the incident. 

“He’s just upset. I mean can you blame him? The girl he’s been in love with for the last two years was holding hands and obviously on a date with the dude, even after Jisung asked her out.” Chenle whisper-shouted. Even he wasn’t going to risk Jisung hearing this. 

“But he knew.” Renjun said, “He knew she was going on dates with this other guy. I mean what does he expect, she’d just drop him like that?”

Although Renjun had logic in his statement, none of the guys seemed to back him up.

“But I mean, the day after? And Jisung was over the moon when she accepted.” Chenle argued back.

“It’s not like she wanted Jisung to see them together.” Renjun hissed.

“Oh that makes it so much better?” Chenle wasn’t one to back down easily, and his voice was starting to rise.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Renjun huffed out, “It’s not like she wanted to hurt him by having him see that. Besides she may have already planned the date, or have a reason. He should at least talk to her-”

“Shhh.” Jaemin threw a hand over Renjun’s mouth at the sight of Jisung leaving his room.

“Thanks. I really appreciate you guys talking about me behind my back.” Jisung glared at the group. “Why don’t you go over and talk shit about me with Y/N? I’m sure you’d get along nicely.”

“Well it’s not like we can talk to your face, can we?” Renjun shouted, fed up with Jisung’s mood.

Jisung scowled once more before slamming the front door behind him.

“Well that went well.” Jaemin mumbled, trying to lighten the mood.

“Jisung!” You stumbled down the stairs, trying to catch up with the blonde haired boy before he escaped.

But he didn’t even turn at the sound of your voice, and he seemed to hurry up as if avoiding you at all costs. 

Eventually you got the hint and stopped in your tracks. This had been going on for too long now, and you were fed up with the fact that no matter how hard you tried, he just chose to ignore you. 

So you plucked up your last ounce of courage, yelling at him from behind, with clenched fists.

“If you’re not going to even pretend like you’re interested, why did you ask me out?” You asked angrily, feeling a choking feeling rise in your throat. 

This caught his attention and he turned to face you with a frown, not quite understanding what you meant.

You were embarrassed and angry, feeling humiliated at the thought of Jisung not actually liking you. But he just stood and stared at you, no emotion even remotely hinting at the fact that he wanted to try, or that he cared. You had passed up on Lucas for this? You passed up on a great guy for someone who refused to even talk to you?

“I can’t believe that I picked you over Lucas.” You mumbled out, hand angrily wiping at the tears that had already escaped. “You know what, forget our date. If you were even planning on showing up.” You knew this was harsh, but to be fair, he wasn’t exactly being the nicest person right now.

Jisung’s eyebrows flew up towards his hairline, hand shyly trying to comfort you, but he didn’t have the courage to actually do it. He just watched.

You were pissed. You had tried multiple times to reach out to Jisung and try to reconcile, but you were met with no cooperation.

It felt as if you were reliving the time when you were texting with each other. He felt unresponsive, uninterested.

Of course, you knew that your actions could’ve been misconstrued or misinterpreted, but he hadn’t even let you explain.

Now the agenda of avoiding one another was mutual. You didn’t go out of your way to evade him, but you certainly didn’t try to see him.

It wasn’t until a week and a half later that you had your first interaction with Jaemin again.

“Hey Y/N.” He smiled at you, not as big as usual, but a smile nonetheless.

“Jaemin? So we’re talking now?” You couldn’t help but be snarky, something that you instantly regretted at the sight of his fallen face. “Wait, sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

When you sighed, you noticed that familiar look on his face, guilt.

But you chose to ignore it and move on, “What’s up?” 

You gripped the strap of your bag, grounding yourself for the moment.

“Nothing. I just wanted to say hi.” But the smile was fading fast.

He continued down the stairs, taking a left at the bottom.

“Jaemin?” He turned to face you. “Are you busy?”

His eyes widened and he grinned whilst shaking his head. You rushed down the stairs finding yourself less than a foot from him. “I was going to the park to study. Do you maybe wanna hang out?”

“Where were you?” Chenle asked with watchful eyes as Jaemin entered the apartment.

“At the park.” It was nonchalant, but Chenle noticed his shifty eyes.

“Why?”

Jaemin frowned, still avoiding eye contact. “Can I not just go to the park?”

Chenle narrowed his eyes, but ignored the statement as Renjun entered the room. Almost immediately there was a heavy tension over the room. 

Renjun ignored his presence and Chenle scoffed, promptly leaving the room. 

“What was that?” Renjun asked, filling up a cup of water.

Jaemin hesitated to respond, but knowing Renjun he figured he would find out soon enough.

“I went to the park… with Y/N today.” He whispered the last part, glancing at Renjun’s reaction. At this the latter raised his eyebrows, interested at the confession.

“I’m surprised there wasn’t more yelling.” He muttered, turning to face a very guilty looking Jaemin.

“I didn’t exactly tell him I went with her, he was just suspicious.” Jaemin bit his lip nervously, and eventually broke down, “I just wanted to talk with her. Is it wrong if we hang out? She’s a good person… I like her.”

Renjun’s eyes widened.

“Not like that. I just like her as a person, she’s easy to talk to.” Jaemin backtracked, understanding what the look in his eyes meant.

Renjun nodded, looking slightly relieved for a moment before covering it up with a stony look. He drained his glass quickly before turning to leave.

Just as he was about to exit the room he paused, “I don’t see what’s so heinous about hanging out with your neighbor. Honestly, they didn’t even date.”

After this Jaemin felt slightly better about his ‘betrayal’. Just because his roommates couldn’t be civil with you, didn’t mean that he couldn’t. After all no one really knew the whole story, right?

“Why do you look like that?” 

Jaemin looked up from his spot in the middle of the kitchen to find Jeno with his arms hugging his laptop.

“Huh?”

“You look like you’re out of it… Did something happen?” Jaemin could trust and confide in Jeno with many things, this was one of them.

Jeno sat at the table, softly laying his computer on the surface. Jeno wasn’t really one to freely show his emotions, even with his best friends, but here he began to look nervous. He bit his lip, glancing at Jaemin, wanting to reassure him, but not giving him false assurance. 

“I’m a horrible friend aren’t I?” Jaemin mumbled, digging his palms into his face. 

“No.” Jeno breathed out, “I just wouldn’t let Jisung find out. Or Chenle for that matter.”

Jaemin looked up, wincing at Jeno’s words. “So you don’t think it was so wrong of me?”

“I’m not saying it’s wrong, but it’s not right either.” Jeno sighed, watching his friend’s face fall. “Jisung and Y/N are in a weird situation. Honestly I’d rather just stay out of it, I don’t need to be picking sides.”

Jeno stood up suddenly, retrieving his laptop and leaving the room as abruptly as he came in. There was no sign of why Jeno even entered in the first place. 

This didn’t make Jaemin feel any better. But he heeded Jeno’s words, he didn’t want to choose sides. But he really liked you, why can’t he just enjoy your company?

“Jaemin? Y/N?” Renjun blinked twice at the scene, glancing between the two of you.

He wasn’t going to lie, there was a part of him that knew he could run into you both here. Maybe subconsciously he wanted to find you.

“Renjun.” You breathed out, a worried look casting over your face. “It’s not what it looks like really.”

The last thing you wanted was Jaemin to get in trouble. 

Renjun just nodded, cutting you off. “I know.” His lips formed a tight line, “Mind if I join you?”

Both Jaemin and yourself were shocked, but immediately gesturing for him to join you. He flopped onto the blanket exhaustedly, closing his eyes and just feeling the breeze.

After a moment of silence he reopened his eyes, sighing deeply, “I’m so tired of being in that apartment. I just feel so frustrated and closed in there, like I can’t breathe.”

You looked at your lap, feeling guilty for that. If it weren’t for you, neither Jaemin or Renjun would be here right now. Neither of them would be feeling this rivet between their friends.

You mumbled out a faint apology.

There was a sigh from his direction. “I wasn’t digging for an apology. I was just venting. Honestly, I don’t even blame you.”

Glancing up at him, you noticed he had his eyes clenched shut, head tilted towards the sky.

“I’m still sorry though.” You rushed your next words to stop his protests. “Let’s be real, if it weren’t for me, this all never would’ve happened between you guys. This is exactly why I didn’t want to start anything again.”

Jaemin frowned, shaking his head. “But you couldn’t have known, what if something really great came out of it? What if something really great can still come out of it?”

Renjun glanced at your distraught expression, he didn’t mean to upset you with his rant. 

“But it’s not going to. I mean,” You paused, hesitating to say the next words, “I don’t know if you guys know the whole story between us, but it feels the exact same as when we were texting before. I just get the feeling that he doesn’t actually like me like that, maybe he just likes the thought of it.” 

You trailed off at the sight of their faces. 

“Are you kidding me? That boy, and he’s going to kill me for saying this, but he’s been in love with you for the past two years. Like, no joke, there was a time when he had nothing to talk about, except for you. Trust me when I say he likes you.”

Frustration boiled up inside of you, “Then why doesn’t he try? I tried so hard to talk to him and explain what he saw, but he just avoids me. It’s the same as before, if he doesn’t think I’m worth at least that much, then why should I put in all that effort?” 

You were starting to get worked up with Renjun interrupted. “Because that’s Jisung. I hate to say it, but that’s the way he’s wired. He’s really shy, and cautious when it comes to this sort of stuff. I don’t want to use the word insecure, but he really doesn’t think he’s good enough sometimes. I think that when he even comes across the thought or the chance that he’s not good enough for you, he just shuts you out, you know? It’s like a defense mechanism. It’s not that he doesn’t want to try, just that he’s afraid.”

Jaemin nodded softly in agreement. At this point you were beginning to see why they were all such good friends. Even at a time like this they were still trying to help him, and never once did they put him down. 

That made you feel even worse. 

You sighed, leaning back on your forearms and staring up at the clouds, head swirling with new thoughts.

“Oh, so you can tell me to my face that you weren’t just with Y/N? What kind of friend are you?” Chenle raised his voice, glaring at the two of them.

Jisung stared at the wall beside them, silently brooding over the situation.

Haechan stood up from his seat on the couch and turned, shocked at the sight before him. Mark was wide-eyed staring over the back of the couch. 

“What are you-”

“Can you even call yourself a friend?” The words were spat out, making everyone in the room flinch, including Jisung.

Jisung closed his eyes, blocking out the situation. He never wanted things to go this far. 

“It’s not-”

“How are you even able to be in the same room and not feel guilty? Huh?!” At this point Chenle was losing control.

Haechan moved to Chenle’s side, tugging at his arm to make him stop. But Chenle only threw his hand off him in anger. 

“Taking sides with that-”

“Stop it.” 

With those two words it seemed like the world stopped with it. 

“What?” Chenle all but whispered out. He was not alone in the confusion.

“Stop it.” Jisung finally took a look around the room, frowning at what he saw in front of him. “This is ridiculous, fighting over this. I don’t care if you hang out with her or not.”

“But-”

“This whole thing was blown way out of proportion. I was stupid and immature to not even talk to her. Honestly I’m more mad at myself than at her.” To say that everyone was shocked was an understatement. 

“I’m so sick of this. This is why I didn’t want to do this in the first place.” He sighed standing up. “I’m done being mad without an explanation.”

Jisung treaded heavily towards his room, making up his mind that this was going to be the last time they fought over you. Tomorrow he would clear things up.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Just a minute!” You rubbed your eyes blearily, glancing at your phone. 7 am, on a Saturday?

You flattened your hair the best you could, throwing on a sweatshirt hastily as you opened the door. 

You sucked your breath, heart dropping at the sight of Jisung in front of you.

“Jisung?” Suddenly you felt very bare, standing in front of him with a sweatshirt and your pajamas. But you pushed away the embarrassment, caving to the pent up anger and humiliation that you still felt. 

You frowned at him, “What do you want?”

He visibly winced at the tone, biting his lip anxiously. “Could- can we talk?”

But to be honest, you didn’t really want to talk with him at the moment. “Now’s not a good time.”

To be fair you did have an appointment soon. Not ridiculously soon that you couldn’t manage to squeeze in a talk, but you weren’t going to try very hard.

“Oh.” He ruffled his hair nervously. “Um… when do you have time?” He asked, this time not willing to let go so easily.

For a moment you thought about telling him that you simply didn’t want to face him, that you wouldn’t ever have time for him. But even you knew that was far too cruel. And to be honest, a talk was what you wanted in the first place. 

“Lunch?” You mumbled out, “I can do noon.”

He was quick to agree, and soon enough you were left alone in your apartment again. Empty and quiet on a Saturday morning, as it should be, but for some reason you felt uneasy.

It seemed that Jisung was keeping a very keen eye out for you, because the moment you walked through the door, his eyes locked with yours. 

He waved you over as enthusiastically as he could, which wasn’t very much. He could feel the heavy air already as you averted your eyes.

You felt a twinge of flutters in your stomach, but you pushed them down. This was the first time, since you had gone to the bookstore, that you had spent time together, just the two of you.

It felt like a date, but it was far from it.

Jisung cleared his throat awkwardly, “I heard the pasta is really good here.”

You raised your eyebrows at the suggestion, choosing to be as civil as you could. You weren’t here to cause another fight, or whatever happened between the two of you, you were here to reconcile.

“Really, then I’ll try the Carbonara.” A small smile was tacked on at the end of your sentence as you noticed Jisung eyeing you nervously.

He smiled back.

Then he set the menu down. 

He sighed deeply before continuing, “First off, I really want to apologize for the way I treated you. I was avoiding you and acting like a jerk, really. I just… when we saw you at the diner, I was just slammed with a bunch of emotions and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I know that’s a shitty excuse, but I just couldn’t handle it, and then I think a part of me was embarrassed by the way that I acted, so I avoided you more. But then things blew up. Everything fell apart with my friends, then they started fighting and picking sides, and I realized that none of this was worth it. I was mad and upset for no reason.”

He stopped, weary of your expression before continuing. “I don’t know if I even deserve an explanation, or a second chance.”

Jisung must have lost confidence, as he wavered at the end of his sentence.

You plucked up the courage that you had, nodding in agreement.

“I think you deserve an explanation.” You sighed, thinking back to the moment they saw you. “Lucas... we had set up a date before you had even asked me, and I thought it would be wrong to ditch him, especially without explanation. When you walked in, I had actually just told him… about you.”

Your throat suddenly felt dry and you reached for your glass. “It didn’t feel right to see both of you at the same time, whether I liked you both or not. I’m going to be honest with you, Lucas is a great guy, I would be extremely happy with someone like him, but...But he doesn’t make me feel the way you make me feel.”

You glanced up through your eyelashes, weary of his expression, quickly moving on after your confession.

“And you’re right, I really think that things blew way out of proportion, that all could’ve been solved with a conversation, it didn’t need to wait this long.”

He nodded, admitting to his fault. But his mind kept wandering back to what you had said.

The way he made you feel?

He felt a sudden rush of giddiness, before he managed to hide it.

By the time the food had arrived you were well into your conversation, both of you had agreed to move past this. It wasn’t going to be easy to forget, and maybe that was the best way to move forward with your relationship.

You caught up with each other, Jisung telling stories of the stupid things that he and his friends do, mostly Haechan. The most recent of his escapades having to do with a deck of cards and a street lamp on a particularly cold night. 

Jisung reveled at the sound of your laughter, cursing himself for waiting this long to talk to you. Why had he been so afraid? What had stopped him before?

“So how exactly do I make you feel?” He asked teasingly, whilst wiggling his eyebrows.

You laughed nervously at him, realizing that maybe it was a mistake to let him get so comfortable with you. 

Or maybe it meant the start of something great.

Part 1

© Copyright 2021. hyuckssunchip. All rights reserved.

[realcube]

jealous || kei tsukishima x reader

summary ♡ songfic! kageyama cheats on you and since tsukishima has had to suppress his crush on you for so long, he doesn’t know how to act

song ♡ jealous by eyedress

tw ♡ angst, cheating, cussing, fem! reader, violence 

part two ♡ crybaby ( 1 / 2 )

‘you could have anyone you want, why would you want to be with me?’

➼

Tsukishima thought, watching as you finished telling him the story behind your broken nail, waving him goodbye before skipping over to the side of your boyfriend who just exited the changing rooms, probably to go tell him the exact same story. 

Although your little stories annoyed the living hell out of him, it pained him to think that you’d share them with some cunt like Kageyama who probably didn’t give two shits. 

It might’ve seemed like he was annoyed by your stories too but in reality, your natural charm was enough to keep him hooked on every word you uttered. And that charm was probably the reason you were liked and known by almost everyone in the school - and due to your appearance, it was no surprise that most guys at the school had their eyes set on you. 

So this whole time Tsukishima was aware that there would be competition if he was going to ask you out. 

➼

 ‘you know, i’m nothing special. be with whoever you want.’ 

➼

Tobio Kageyama. Number nine, Karasuno’s first line-up setter - Tsukishima’s teammate. Of course, Tsukishima felt quite bad that he resented Kageyama so much - all over a girl - but in his defence, that girl was (Y/N) and it’s not like Kageyama was humble about it either. In fact, he’d make it a point to talk about all the things he did with (Y/N) whenever he thought Tsukishima was in earshot.

Also, you can’t blame Tsukishima for thinking that you were too good for Kageyama.. because you are. The only reason you two were together was because all the girls started shipping you two together after a video of him as your partner for a rather titillating salsa routine started floating around the school. 

The people saying that y’all would make a cute couple gave Kageyama the confidence to ask you out and of course you said yes; why wouldn’t you? Kageyama was the embodiment of everything girls loved: tall, atheletic, passionate (for volleyball), a himbo, cold and emotionally unavailable. 

While Tsukishima was almost identical; he was 4 out of those 6 things that girls loved - he wasn’t a himbo, fortunately. Neither was he emotionally unavailable. You even said yourself one time - before you formally met Kageyama - that you just thought he was a flavourless version of Tsukishima.

➼

‘i don’t care. i don’t care.’

➼

Perhaps it was just his ego speaking but Tsukishima was almost certain that if he were to have asked you out before Kageyama, you would’ve said yes. 

So, why didn’t he?

Well, he planned on asking you to be his girlfriend the same day that Kageyama did - Valentine’s Day - but at the last minute, he chickened out and the letter he had spent 3 hours making for you ended up in the trash. As for the chocolates he bought, he gave them to Yamaguchi. Curse his crippling insecurities! 

To be fair, the only reason Kageyama had the confidence or any interest in you whatsoever was due to all the girls perpetuating the idea that y’all would be a cute couple.

Tsukishima sighed as he recalled the first time you ever interacted with Kageyama. You had a dance project which involved creating your own salsa routine and either filming yourself doing it or performing it in front of the class - you asked Tsukishima if he’d assist you by being your dance partner and obviously he said no. Your next best bet was Hinata, so you explained your situation to him and as you know; where ever there is Hinata, there is Kageyama. So he overheard your dilemma and apparently he took dance classes all throughout middle school so he offered to help. Although you had never talked to Kageyama before that day, you still accepted his offer due to the tricky situation you were in.

It frustrated Tsukishima so much at the thought that if he had just swallowed his pride and danced with you, he wouldn’t be feeling a striking pain in his chest at the sight of you intimately kissing Kageyama while he stood there like a statue.

Once he realised what he was doing, he immediately averted his eyes, a sigh escaping his lips as he tried to convince himself that he was neutral about what he just witnessed. 

He didn’t care that you were dating someone who didn’t even care about you. He didn’t care about the fact he would’ve treated you ten times better than Kageyama ever could. He didn’t care about how close you were to Kageyama. He was simply unable to give a single fuck about the fact he still loved you. 

➼

‘i don’t wanna know. don’t tell me about your problems if you’re not trying to solve them.’

➼

“And then I told him to fuck off and my mum got all mad and she was like ‘don’t swear at a 6 year-old!’ but then I was like, ‘Mum, he literally-” 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, you’ve been rambling to him about your shitty experiences babysitting for a good few minutes now but he was simply unable to pay attention. Not when every time he thought of you, his mind instantly focussed on the bruise you had on your neck which he had merely caught a glimpse of this morning, but that was enough to make him feel sick to his stomach. “Do you ever stop talking? Why not tell these stories to someone who cares? Where’s Kageyama?”

You pouted, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning back in your chair - by now, you were used to him being a bitch to you but recently, he’s been acting especially rude, even Yamaguchi was taken back at how uncalled for his remark was.  “Did I do something wrong? Why are you so mean all of a sudden?”

Something about your disappointed tone made Tsukishima’s heart sink, although he wasn’t sure why that was considering he undoubtedly didn’t care about how you felt - you could start crying for all he cared. 

“You’re just way more annoying than you used to be.” That was the first excuse Tsukishima could come up with but if he was being completely honest, he didn’t even notice his change in behaviour. “It’s probably all that time hanging out shittyama.”

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi snapped, hunching forward over his table to flick his blonde friend on the back of his neck. “I agree with (Y/N), you’ve been kinda crass lately.”

You nodded at Yamaguchi’s statement, “Emphasis on the ass.” 

It took every bone in Tsukishima’s body to resist snickering at your stupid comment and keep a straight face, “Can you blame me? (Y/N) is the one who never stops complaining like geez, get a grip - nobody cares.”

➼

‘don’t ask me for my help. fix it yourself.’

➼

Honestly, Tsukishima wasn’t surprised when you ended up calling him at 1am, crying about how Kageyama cheated on you.

I mean, it was clear that he was only with you for sexual relief as he didn’t show the slightest bit of romantic interest in anyone - and you were too blinded by puppy love to notice that his perception didn’t widen beyond volleyball. 

In a way, Tsukishima felt quite bad for you as this was your first relationship and anybody would be heartbroken if they were cheated on but somehow he had managed to gaslight himself into believing that he truly didn’t give a fuck about how you felt. That’s why the call definitely didn’t go as well as he hoped. 

“Kei..” You spoke in a low voice in hopes that he wouldn’t realise that you were crying straight away but your faint sobs were a dead giveaway. “Are you busy?”

Tsukishima grumbled, sitting up on his bed and sliding his glasses up his nose, not having taken them off as just before you called him he was scrolling through Reddit anyway. “Eh? What is so important that you had to call me at 3 in the morning?”

“Kageyama cheated on me!” You wailed into your phone, struggling to keep it together even when you weren’t with Tsukishima face-to-face. “S-Sorry I called you. I just, um, I just needed to tell someone and the first person I thought of was you.” That wasn’t a complete lie. I mean, you did try calling Yamaguchi before you resorted to calling Tsukishima because Yamaguchi would undeniably be more compassionate in this situation. However, if it wasn’t for Tsukishima’s recent attitude problems, you probably would’ve called him first,

Upon hearing you say that, his heart fluttered - this should’ve been the first giveaway that he still liked you - but he chose to ignore it, sticking to the idea that you annoyed him and he definitely did not want to kiss your forehead, cuddle you under his sheets and reassure you that you’re out of Kageyama’s league anyway.

“Sorry, (Y/N).” Tsukishima spoke softly. This change of tone giving you the slightest bit of hope that you had finally managed to get through to him and maybe he was going to stop being so insolent and go back to being his old self - the Tsukishima that people actually liked. 

“Kei..” You mused, feeling your cheeks heat up at how nice and soothing his tired voice sounded. “I thi--”

“But that doesn’t sound like my problem. Good luck in dealing with it yourself, though.” 

With that last comment, he hung up, leaving you more upset than you were to begin with. 

➼

‘she tried to call me yesterday but i didn’t pick up because i don’t got time.’

➼

Tension was high at practice. Word had gotten out that Kageyama cheated on (L/N) and of course everyone’s opinion on him did a full 180 - nobody wants to train with a dirty cheater. 

This news should’ve been the highlight of Tsukishima’s month because not only is (Y/N) back on the market, Kageyama is getting the treatment he deserved for being so horrible to him and (Y/N). 

However, Tsukishima was far from pleased with everyone’s behaviour towards Kageyama because now they were all expecting confrontation and since Tsukishima was the one who already had beef with Kageyama, the team thought it would be best if it was him who approached the setter about the recent event. 

A horrible idea, in Tsukishima’s opinion. It wasn’t even the fact that he didn’t want to go any where near that milkboy but mostly because he didn’t even know what he’d say to the guy. What do you say in that situation? ‘Hey, man. We’d really appreciate it if you stopped being such a whore. It’s really killing the vibe.’

But lo and behold, here he was, standing across from Kageyama in the empty changing room. Desperately wracking through his brain to find the most appropriate thing to say, which was hard as Kageyama’s stare seemed to burn holes through Tsukishima’s glasses. Also, his mind was already pretty occupied by all the thoughts of how badly he wanted to beat the milkboy to the ground in (Y/N)’s honour. 

“What do you want, Tiredshima?” Kageyama inquired, scrunching up his empty milk box and casually throwing it aside, aiming for the bin but it ended up landing a few inches away from it.

Tsukishima tried to resist laughing at the milkboy’s failed attempt to look cool, “It’s-” Tsukishima wheezed slightly as a little bit of that laughter escaped before he took a moment to properly compose himself, “It’s about (Y/N)-”

At the mere mention of your name, the milkboy dipped. 

“Uh, where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Tsukishima spat, hastily reaching out to grab Kageyama’s wrist, yanking him back as soon as Tsukishima got a good grip on him. Resulting in the usually agile setter losing his balance and falling back, right onto his ass. 

“Don’t touch me!” Kageyama roared, rapidly scrambling to his feet, clenching his fist and snarling at Tsukishima who wore an astounded expression. “Do you have it out for me or something? What does (Y/N) have to do with anything?”

It was shocking how well Kageyama managed to paint the situation to make it seem like he was the innocent one when he was the one who broke a poor school girl’s heart after she showed him nothing but love - but Tsukishima wasn’t one to talk since he probably just added salt to her wound, like he always does, and he’d been thinking about it all night.

“Sorry, your highness, but maybe if you hopped off your throne for a moment and came down to reality to join the rest of us, you’d realise that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Do you know how much your shitty actions affected (Y/N)? She called me crying last night and..yeah.” His voice slowly drifted off as he remembered the events that occurred yesterday, you had called him in a vulnerable state and he simply told you to get to fuck.

Kageyama scoffed, brushing off the dust that clung to his clothes from when he was pulled to the ground, “Eh? Maybe you should practise what you preach.” Kageyama growled, baring his teeth - the little nickname Tsukishima had for him seriously made his blood boil. “She’d come to me on the verge of tears because you called her annoying and she thought you didn’t want to be her friend anymore.”

Tsukishima felt his heart tear apart at the thought of himself causing you so much emotional distress but you were half right, he didn’t want to be your friend - the wanted to be your boyfriend. If it wasn’t for a certain setter who’s name starts with ‘K’ and ends with ‘ageyama’, none of this would’ve happened and you’d happily be snuggled up in his arms while he played with your hair but no, Kageyama just had to get his dirty little setter hands on anything good.

“I mean,” Kageyama muttered, having clearly calmed down from five seconds ago, “She was kinda annoying, so I get why you’d say that. That’s why I did what I did, it wasn’t meant to spite her or hurt her feelings. You get what I mean, right?”

The ignorance; it made Tsukishima indescribably mad. (Y/N) wasn’t annoying - although Tsukishima might’ve heavily insinuated it, in the past - and the audacity Kageyama had to say that she was. Also, who in their right mind thinks that cheating is a rational reaction to irritation? 

Tsukishima wouldn’t consider himself a violent person but it was as though the bones in his body acted on their own when he delivered a full-force punch straight onto Kageyama’s cheek. And he didn’t regret it for a moment either - even when the milkboy starting pummelling him into the ground - as he figured that someone had to teach the dick a lesson, why not himself?

➼

‘i don’t have time. i don’t have time. i don’t have time. i don’t have time.’

➼

“Kei..hello? I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now but Yamaguchi told me that you were here and..I just wanted you to know that I, uh, am really sorry and I hope you get well soon.”

[fakeikemen]

Katara's Grief

(This is my first attempt at a meta post and I know that this has probably been already done but I just needed to get it off my chest and go on a little rant and it kinda got long so bear with me.)

A lot of the hate on Katara stems from the fact that she keeps on mentioning her mother's death at every chance she gets and invalidates other people's pain to assert that her suffering is the worst of the lot.

And even though everybody is entitled to their own opinions, I'm gonna point out why I think the aforesaid claims are not exactly correct.

First we'll take a look at; Katara's Backstory:

We know that Kya is killed in a fire nation raid and that Katara had been the last person to see her alive before she leaves the tent on her mother's insistence. Only to come back a few moments later and find her dead body. This, in itself is a traumatising event.

So yes, her mother died. Other people in the story go through far worse. You're not wrong when you say that.

But what is more important in Katara's story is the aftermath of her mother's death.

As Sokka says while talking to Toph in "The Runaway" in B3 Ep7:

Sokka: When our mom died, that was the hardest time in my life. Our family was a mess, but Katara? She had so much strength. She stepped up and took on so much responsibility. She helped fill the void that was left by our mom.

As an eight year old, she had to force herself to grow up to step into her mother's shoes and raise herself and her elder brother and simultaneously look after the entire village after her father left to fight in the war. She had to do all of it by herself.

In face of all her responsibilities, she never really had the chance to simply be a grieving child lamenting the loss of her mother. She habituated herself to caring more about others than herself (We see this trait in the entire series as she acts as the stand-in mom friend for the entire Gaang with an exception of Suki and Zuko). She ended up bottling her feelings of grief, resentment, guilt and rage deep within herself.

She had to give up an extensive part of her childhood where most children focus on figuring themselves out, to become a mature and responsible person who was working as the immovable pillar holding up the family and even the whole village not much later.

She put up a strong front to help others and pretended to be fine even though she was hurting inside the whole time.

She could never find any closure from the situation. She never got over it.

Moving on to the criticisms:

1. Katara keeps on mentioning her mother like a broken record:

Here are the number of times Katara mentions her mother's death (not sure if that's all of it, lmk if there are any others):

1. In her first scene with Sokka

Katara: Ever since mom died, I've been doing all the work around camp while you've been off playing soldier!

2. A short while after she meets Aang

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

3. A short while after she meets Haru

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

4. A short while after she meets Jet

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

5. In the swamp after she sees a vision of her mother

Katara: I thought I saw Mom.

6. In the Crystal Catacombs with Zuko

Katara: I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

7. A short while after she meets Hama

Katara: We completely understand. We lost our mother in a raid.

8. Repeated mentions in The Southern Raiders episode

(Most of the episode basically)

The first mention with Sokka is in the middle of a siblings' spat where she tells off Sokka for trying to act as if he were superior when it was obvious that in the face of the gaping hole that was left by Kya's sudden death, Katara had shouldered much more responsibility.

When she tells it to Aang, she uses it as a proof that the Fire Nation is capable of immense cruelty and destruction.

The Gaang travel all around the world and meet different people affected by the war in different ways. So when Haru, Jet and Hama narrate their own stories, Katara sympathises with them and talks about Kya's death in lieu of "I understand, the Fire Nation hurt me too."

After they got separated, Aang, Sokka and Katara each had their visions and after they get back together, they all mention their visions and so does Katara.

When left alone in catacombs with Zuko, whom she considered as the face of the Fire Nation— the same Fire Nation that had her mother killed and forced her father to leave to fight in the war, she has a meltdown where she rightfully accuses him of all the bad things he's done and then breaks down while talking about how the war has cost her i.e., by causing her mother's death.

The Southern Raiders is the episode where Katara hunts down the man responsible for her mother's death. If you think mentioning Kya repeatedly in this episode is uncalled for, then I don't know what to tell you.

In all the incidents mentioned above, Katara mentioning her mother's death is a very natural occurrence is the respective conversations. She mostly talks about Kya's death to either extend her sympathy or to use it as an example of the ruthlessness of the Fire Nation.

Another fact to be noted is that 70% of the Gaang's storyline is followed via Katara from a narrative point of view. Plus, being the mom-friend, she acts as the spokesperson. Considering that Kya's death is a major event that played a huge role in shaping Katara's life and is also the source of her severe, unresolved trauma, which acts as the driving force of her story, it is only natural that she brings up this topic whenever she is engaging in a deeper conversation.

It is us as the viewers who have seen her from the start and already know about her mother's death and we see her talking to multiple people about it. Which is why it might come across as repetitive to some people.

While, Kya's death is not necessary information that everyone needs to know, Katara talking about it never comes across as a forced or unnatural.

2. Katara invalidates others' pain because she thinks she has suffered the most:

First of all, if anything, Katara is the most empathetic person of them all. As the mom-friend of the group, not only is she their constant moral support, she also helps them untangle and sort out their own feelings. She is also able to tap into issues that aren't said out loud.

Instances of Katara helping and supporting Aang, emotionally are uncountable.

She is the first one to notice Sokka's sour mood in B3 Ep4 "Sokka's Master". And even though his insecurities seem baseless, she validates him (by saying "I'm sorry you're feeling so down" instead of something like "That's a dumb thing to say") and knows exactly what to do to cheer him up.

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway" she has the insight to understand that Toph's unruly behaviour is caused by the mixed feelings she has about her parents even though Toph's herself never talked about it.

She even reaches out to Zuko in B2 Ep19 "Crossroads of Destiny" even though she used to think of him as the face of the enemy.

But then there's The Southern Raiders.

Ah yes, that episode where Katara is extremely OOC and a total b*tch.

Agreed that she said some things that she definitely shouldn't have said. But like, she's just 14?? And has been hurting on the inside since she was 8?? And pretended to be fine just for the sake of other people?? Like, there's a limit to how much she can have her shit under control?? And she did a real good job of Sokka's upbringing and taking care of the village and taking care of Gaang on her own?? Some people out there are really willing to forget everything she has ever done just because she was mean for 5 minutes?? A traumatised 14 yo shouldn't be villianised and called toxic because she got mad and lashed out at people that one time??

But here's my take on the scene anyway:

When Aang gets to know that she's going to go face her mother's killer:

Aang: Um ... and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?

Katara: I knew you wouldn't understand. 

Aang is a non-confrontational person who prefers running away from difficult situations as opposed to Katara who firmly stands her ground and is never afraid of confrontations. Katara had approached Aang only hoping that he would understand. But going by his dismissal, he obviously doesn't understand the burning need that she has to confront the man who had single-handedly destroyed her childhood. (Most people infer that what Katara means is that she thinks that Aang doesn't understand the pain of losing people. And so does Aang, I guess)

But things start getting even more tricky when:

Aang: Katara, you sound like Jet.

In all honesty, this is probably the most insensitive thing that she could've heard from anyone right then, let alone one of her closest friends. Hearing herself being compared to a homicidal maniac just because she wants to avenge her mother's killer. (No, I'm not justifying murder but there's a clear difference between homicide and avenging someone's death. And Aang may not be my favourite character but I do love him but this wasn't really a good thing to say either. And he wasn't even mentally distressed in the very least to be completely lacking tact or a filter.)

And then the situation escalates:

Sokka: Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right.

Katara: Then you didn't love her the way I did!

After 6 long years of Katara bottling in her dark feelings and letting them fester inside herself, she is finally letting them out and the first things she faces in a span of few minutes are outright rejection, invalidation of her feelings, comparison to a homicidal maniac and nothing akin to the unconditional support that she has provided to everybody. Her own brother tells her that he is siding with the boy who just compared her to a homicidal maniac.

Yes, accusing your own brother of not loving your mother enough is a very cruel thing to do. But both Sokka and Katara know that she doesn't entirely mean it.

But also, there is one very important factor in here:

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway", Sokka says to Toph:

Sokka: I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly? I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture. 

Katara overhears this conversation just as Sokka had meant her to.

This dialogue lets us know that Sokka's coping mechanism has made him suppress all memories of Kya and replace them with memories of Katara in order to attain a semblance of normalcy.

Both Katara and Sokka had very different ways of coping with Kya's death. Katara pressed down her feelings and tried her best to pretend to ignore them while Sokka partially succeeded in forgetting her.

When Katara first hears these words she is shown to be crying. But if she were to remember these very words while she was justifying herself infront of her own brother and a close friend for wanting to avenge her mother, it would've had a negative impact on her.

In her rage, she would've thought: "Of course he doesn't want to avenge mom. Because he doesn't think it's worth it and that's because he doesn't even remember enough of her to be mad about her death."

And for someone who has spent each day of the last 6 years trying to fill in the shoes of her mother and experiencing her absence everyday, the idea of forgetting her mother is a ridiculous concept to her.

Her thoughts would have quickly derailed to: "He didn't love her enough to remember her."

In light of these thoughts, saying "Then you didn't love her the way I did" doesn't feel out of the blue.

No, I am definitely not justifying what she said, I'm just laying out a possible explanation to why she said what she said.

Yes, she should've apologized to Sokka for this and I think that they definitely should've had a long conversation about their mother's death and how it affected them. Between Katara supressing her feelings and Sokka supressing his memories, i don't think they ever had this conversation.

But sadly we are given neither of these scenes.

Tl;dr: Everytime Katara mentions her mother, it's with good reason and I don't think it's fair to call a character toxic when they lack a mind to mouth filter for 5 minutes and say some mean things. And considering all that Katara has done for everybody, it isn't fair at all.

Peace out!