#also with the whole magic restriction thing it could open up a world of angst like Murtagh would end worlds before he let someone drug harr

[dark-elf-writes]

My friend have you ever thought of a HP x inheritance Cycle ?

well I'm definitely thinking about it now.

Trying to decide when would be the funniest time for Harry to show up tbh because imagining Eragon and Murtagh trying to keep an entire child AND a half dead elf alive while they run for their lives for the Varden is very funny, but a post war Murtagh being so convinced that he is evil and nonredeemable and everyone hates him only to be all but handed a tiny child that thinks he is the coolest person alive is also very funny and opens up the idea of poor Roran having to deal with a half delirious Murtagh (ant Thorn tbh) the very first time Harry has any issue because he is the only person Murtagh knows with a child who might know what to do

[thedeadhandofseldon]

The Anti-Mercer Effect

On the Accessibility of D&D, Why Unprepared Casters is so Fun, and Why Haley Whipjack is possibly the greatest DM of our generation.

(Apologies to my mutuals who aren’t in this fandom for the length of this, but as you all know I have never in my life shut up about anything so… we’ll call it even for the number of posts about Destiel I see every day.

To fellow UC fans - I haven’t listened to arc 4 yet, I started drafting this in early August, and I promise I will write a nice post about how great Gus the Bard is once I get the chance to listen to more of his DMing).

Structure - Or, “This is not the finale, there will be more podding cast”

So, first of all, let’s just talk about how Unprepared Casters works. Because it’s kind of unusual! Most of the other big-name D&D podcasts favor this long, grand arcs; UC has about 10 hours of podcast per each arc. And that’s a major strength in a lot of ways: it makes it really accessible to new listeners, because you can just start with the current arc and understand what’s going on!

And by starting new arcs every six or seven episodes, they can explore lots of ways to play D&D! Classic dungeon delve arc! Heist arc! Epic heroes save the world arc! Sportsball arc! They can touch on all sorts of things!

And while I’m talking about that: Dragons in Dungeons, the first arc, makes it incredibly accessible as a show - because it lets the unfamiliar listener get a sense of what D&D actually is. (It’s about telling stories and making your friends feel heroic and laugh and cry, for the record). If I had to pick a way to introduce someone to the game without actually playing it with them, that arc would definitely be it.

And I’d be remise not to note one very important thing: Haley Whipjack and Gus the Bard are just very funny, very charismatic people. Look. Episode 0s tend to be about 50%(?) those two just talking to each other about their own podcast. It shouldn’t work. And yet it DOES, its one of my favorite parts, because Haley and Gus are just cool.

And a side note that doesn’t fit anywhere else: I throw my soul at him! I throw a scone at him - that’s it, that’s the vibe. The whole podcast alternates between laughing with your friends and brooding alone in a dark tavern corner - but the laughs never forced and the dark corner is never too dark for too long.

Whipjack the Great - Or, the DM is Also a Player!

I think Haley Whipjack is one of the greatest Dungeon Masters alive. The plots and characters! The mechanical shenanigans! The descriptions!

Actually, let’s start there: with the descriptions. (Both Haley and Gus do this really fucking well). As we know, Episode 0 of each arc sees the DM reading a description - of a small town, or the Up North, or the recent history of a great party. And Haley always strikes this tricky balance - one I think a lot of us who DM struggle with - between giving too much description and  worldbuilding, and not telling us anything at all. She describes people and events in just enough detail to imagine them, but never so much they seem static and unreal - just clear enough to envision, but with enough vagueness left to let your imagination begin to run wild.

While I’m thinking about arc 3’s party, let’s talk about a really bold move she made in that arc: letting the players have ongoing control of their history. Loser Lars! She didn’t try to spell out every detail of this high-level party’s history, or restrict their past to only what she decided to allow - she gave them the broad outlines, and let them embellish it. And that made for a much more alive story than any attempt to create it by herself would have - but I think it takes a lot of courage to let your players have that agency. Most Dungeon Masters (myself included) tend to struggle with being control freaks.

And the plots! Yeah, arc one is built of classic tropes - but she actually uses them, she doesn’t get caught up in subverting everything or laughing at the cliches. And it’s fun! In arc 3, there really isn’t a straight line for the players to follow, either - which makes the game much more interesting and much trickier to run. And her NPCs are fantastic and I will talk about them in the next section.

Above all, though, I think what is really impressive is how Haley balances mechanics, and rules as written, with the narrative and rule of cool - and puts both rules and story in the service of playing a fun game. And the secret to that? She’s the DM, but the DM is a player, and the DM is clearly having fun. Hope Lovejoy mechanically shouldn’t get that spellslot back, but she does, and it’s fun. The changeling merchant in Thymore doesn’t really make some Grand Artistic Narrative better, but wow is it fun. And she never tries to force it one way or the other - the story might be more dramatic if Annie didn’t manage to banish the demon from the vault, but it’s a lot cooler and a lot more fun for the players if Annie gets to be a badass instead - and the rules and the dice say that Annie managed it.

Settings feel like places, NPCs feel like people, and the narrative plot feels like a real villainous plot.

Anyway. I could go on about the various ways in which Whipjack is awesome for quite a while - she’s right, first place in D&D is when your friends laugh and super first place is when they cry - but I’m going to stop here and just. Make another post about it some other time. For now, for the record I hold her opinions about the game in higher esteem than I do several official sourcebooks; that is all.

Characters - Or, Bombyx Mori Is Not an Asshole, And That Matters

Okay, I said I would talk about characters! And I will!

Just a general place to start: the party! All of the first three parties are interesting to me, because they all care about each other. Not even necessarily in a Found Family Trope sort of way, though often that too. But they generally aren’t assholes to each other. The players create characters that actually work together, that are interesting; even when there’s internal divisions like SK-73 v. Sir Mr. Person, they aren’t just unpleasant and antagonistic all the time. Listening to the podcast, we’re “with” these people for a couple hours - and it isn’t unpleasant. That matters a lot. (To take a counter-example: I love Critical Role, but the episode when Vox Machina pranked Scanlan after he died and was resurrected wasn’t fun to listen to, it was just uncomfortable and angering and vaguely cruel).

All of the PCs are amazing, and the players in each arc did a great job. If you disagree with me about that, well, you have the right to be incorrect and I am sorry for your loss. Annie Wintersummer, for one example: tragic and sad and I want to give her a hug, but also Fuck Yeah Wintersummer, and also her familiar Charles the Owl is the cutest and funniest and I love him. And we understand what’s going on with Annie, she isn’t some infinite pool of hidden depths because this arc is 7 episodes and we don’t have time for that, but she also has enough complexity to be interesting. Same with Fey Moss: yeah, a lot of her is a silly pun about fame that carries into how she behaves, but a lot of how she behaves is also down to some good classic half-elven angst about parenthood and wanting to be known and seen and important. (Side note: if your half-elf character doesn’t have angst, well, that’s impressive and also I don’t think I believe you).

There are multiple lesbian cat-people in a 4-person party and they both have requited romantic interests who aren’t each other. This is the future liberals want and I am glad for it.

Sir Mister Person, the human fighter! Thavius, the edge lord! Even when a character is “simple,” they��re interesting, because of how they’re played as people and not action-figures. And that matters a lot.

In the same way: the NPCs. There really aren’t a lot of them! And some of them come from Patreon submissions, so uh good work gang, you’re part of the awesomeness and I’m proud of you! The point being, the NPCs work because enough of them are interesting to matter. It’s not just a servant who opens Count Michael’s door, it’s a character with a name (Oleandra!) and a personality and history. They’re interesting. Penny Lovejoy didn’t need to be interesting, the merchant outside the Laughing Mausoleum didn’t need to be interesting, but they ARE! And Haley and Gus EXCEL at making the NPCs matter, not just to the story but to us as viewers. I agree with Sir Mister Person, actually, I would die for the princesses of the kingdom. I actually care about Gem Lovejoy of all people - that wouldn’t happen in an ordinary campaign! That’s the thing that makes Unprepared Casters spectacular - and, frankly, it’s especially impressive because D&D does not tend to be good at making a lot of interesting compared to a lot of other sorts of stories.

And, just as an exemplar of all this: Bombyx Mori. Immortal, reincarnating(?), and described as the incarnation of the player’s ADHD. I expected to hate Bombyx, because as the mom friend both in and out of my friend-group’s campaigns, the chaos-causer is always exhausting to me. And yeah, Bombyx causes problems on purpose! But! She is not an asshole.

And that’s important. Bombyx goes and sits with the queen and comforts her. Bombyx gives Annie emotional support. Bombyx isn’t just a vehicle to jerk around the DM and other players; Bombyx really is a character we can care about. To compare with another case - in the first couple episodes of The Adventure Zone, the PCs are just dicks. Funny, but dicks. Bombyx holds out an arm “covered in larva” to shake with a count, and robs him of magical items, but she also cares about her friends and other people! She uses a powerful magical gem to save her fertilizer guy from death! Yeah, Bombyx is ridiculous, but she’s not just an asshole the party has to keep around for plot reasons; you can see why her party would keep her around. And one layer of meta up, she’s the perfect example of how to make a chaotic character like that while still being fun for everyone you’re playing with, which is often not the case. And I love her.

The Anti-Mercer Effect - Or, “I think we proved it can be fun, you can have a good time with your friends. And it doesn’t have to be scary, you can just work with what you know”

The Mercer Effect basically constitutes this: Matthew Mercer, Dungeon Master of Critical Role, is incredible (as are all of his players). They’re all professional story-tellers in a way, remember, and so Critical Role treats D&D like a narrative art-form, and it’s inspiring. Seeing that on Critical Role sets impossible standards - and people go into their own home games imagining that their campaigns will be like Critical Role, and the burden of that expectation tends to fall disproportionately on the DM. And the end result, I think, of the Mercer Effect is that we get discouraged or intimidated, because our game isn’t “as good as” theirs. (And I should note - Matt certainly doesn’t want that to be our reaction).

So the Anti-Mercer Effect is two things: it’s D&D treated like a game, and it’s inspiring but not intimidating. And Unprepared Casters manages both of those really freaking well. Because they play it like a game! A UC arc looks just like a good campaign in anyone’s home game. They have the vibes of 20-somethings and college students playing D&D for fun because that’s who they are (as a 20-something college student who plays a lot of D&D, watching it felt like watching my friends play an especially good campaign). They’re trying to tell a good story, sure, and they always do. But first and foremost, they’re trying to have fun, and it shows, and I love the UC cast for it.

And that’s the other half of it: it’s inspiring! It’s approachable; you can see that Haley and Gus put plenty of work into preparing the game but it also doesn’t make you feel like you need hundreds of pages of worldbuilding to run a game. Sometimes a cleric makes Haley cry and she gives them back a spell-slot from their deity! That’s fantastic! It’s just inspiring - listening to this over the summer, when my last campaign had fallen apart under the strain of graduation, is why I decided to plan and run my new one!

That quote from Haley Whipjack that I used as the title for this section? That’s the whole core of this idea, and really, I think, the core of the podcast.

The Mercer Effect is when you go “that’s really cool, I could never do that.” But Unprepared Casters makes you look at D&D and go “wow, that looks really fun. I bet I can do that!” And I love the show for it.

And I bet a lot of you do too.

[cherry-espresso]

Gleam and Glow

Chapter 2

Pairing: Grey! Bucky Barnes x Fem! Reader Tangled AU

Word count: 3,042

Description: Your first experience with the outside world wasn’t at all what you thought it was gonna be.

General Warnings: This story contains dark elements and various dark characters!! Do not read if this makes you uncomfortable!!!, kidnapping, violence, language, angst, whump, for the purposes of the story the reader has 70ft foot long hair that glows gold- this does not change regardless of hair color or texture, inspired by the movie Tangled.

Chapter warnings: John Walker is really gross, Peter quill is also kinda gross, naive reader, manhandling, imprisonment, threat of violence, abuse of power, use of magic, sexual suggestion, harassment, allusion to threat of rape,Loki makes an appearance, blood, injury. DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.

DO NOT REPOST FOR ANY REASON, REBLOGS ARE WELCOMED AND MUCH APPRECIATED.

Everything felt jumbled. The thoughts your brain was able to make were weak and confusing, time didn’t make sense, words didn’t make sense, what language does your brain even speak? It was difficult to fight off whatever drug the men had used to knock you out, it was difficult to open your eyes, to move your fingers. You felt faint. When you were finally able to open your eyes everything stayed dark, it took a moment for the feeling of cloth against your face to register. They had put a bag of some sort over your face. They were taking you somewhere. The sudden realization of being kidnapped, taken from your home. Everything your mother had said was true. If you had never asked to leave, never put it out into the world that you were interested in going, none of this would have ever happened.

“Let’s take a breather, we’re not far from camp now.” It was the blonde man’s voice.

Your body was suddenly shifted and you realized he had been carrying you this whole time. It was slowly becoming easier to sense your surroundings, becoming much more aware of what you felt and what you heard. Your skin had felt numb, prickly even until the moment you hit the ground. The man hadn’t been gentle, throwing you off what you could only assume was his shoulder and onto hard damp ground. You landed on your right side, pain reverberating through your hip and through every joint in your arm. It was nearly impossible not to make a noise, in an effort to keep them from noticing you had woken up. Your hands had been tied behind your back, somewhat protected from the fall, whatever had been used to tie them together was digging into your wrists, aggravating the slowly swelling joint as it began to throb. It was likely sprained, hopefully it wasn’t broken but it was hard to tell, the tethers were restricting movement but you could almost wiggle all of your fingers. Moving the fingers on your right had caused some significant pain in the back of your hand. You knew right away this was a bad sign, but you couldn’t heal it with your wrists bound or without catching too much attention. In checking your hands mobility your fingertips grazed the ground. For just a moment your eyes lit up. It was soft. You could feel slender blades growing from damp earth. It was grass. Real grass, not just grass in your planter box back in the tower that you’d grown with seeds mother had gifted you. You almost felt guilty for the small amount of joy that seeped in through the cracks, if you weren’t in immediate peril you would have been thrilled. The memory of feeling grass for the first time would forever be tainted by the brutality of these men.

“She sure is pretty huh Peter?” It was the blonde man again. He stroked his hand over your head and you squeezed your eyes shut in disgust.

“Yeah, I guess she is, but you know Gamora and I have a thing going on. This one’s all yours.” Peter responded. You stopped breathing.

“All mine? Don’t mind if I do.” He chuckled, grabbing at your wrists to pull you up to a semi upright position. He laid you onto your back and fear struck your heart, you were defenseless.

“Hey, hey, hey, no knock it off, he wants her unharmed. Don’t be an asshole John, we already talked about this.” Peter ripped the blonde mans-John’s- hands away from you.

“C’mon I’m not gonna hurt her, she won’t even know.” John was pouting.

“No man absolutely not she’s still a person, besides I’ve seen what you’ve done to those women back at camp.” Peter was defending you and for a moment you were grateful, but he had helped kidnap you. He was just like John deep down.

“C’mon let’s get back, I’ve gotta find Rocket and she’s waking up.” Peter picked you up this time, resting you over his shoulder in the same way John had earlier.

Fall wasn’t usually this brutal. The weather usually stayed a beautiful middle ground between hot and cold. It had been abnormally cold this year. You had collected a beautiful and ornate set of thermometers, every day you’d log the temperature and the humidity in the area and then compared it to the year prior. This year the summer was strangely tepid, and now the fall was icy cold suggesting that the upcoming winter would be brutal. None of your dresses were designed for outside weather, and it’s safe to say you were freezing. The pressure of the corset was the only thing keeping you somewhat warm and it was loosening by the second. What you wouldn’t give to go back and put the stew away before getting ready for bed. Every hair on your body was stood on end, it was almost impossible not to shiver but you’d be damned if you didn’t at least try. Less than an hour later you heard a quiet roar, gradually getting closer. It didn’t take long to realize it was a crowd, at least twenty people yelling or laughing, it sounded like life. This must be the camp. You could only assume it was the Viking camp but it was difficult to make assumptions when you knew so little about the world. You closed your eyes tightly, it was cold and you felt so tired; your depth perception was absolutely destroyed.

There was a loud heavy creak - likely a door - and then heavy boots against some sort of tile or concrete. It echoed.

“Quill! Walker! You have returned with our maiden prize, how was your journey?” A joyful man bellowed, clapping Peter on the shoulder, causing his body to shake.

“Just peachy Odinson, if I never see Peter again it’ll be too soon. I’ve got a girl waiting for me down at the tavern, so I assume you two can handle this just fine.” John sounded incredibly passive aggressive, his footsteps retreated quickly and the creaky door sounded again as it closed.

“Wonderful. Well-” The man clapped his hands. “He is waiting for you. I would like to warn you, we have all indulged in a fair amount of mead. The council is in high spirits.” The man lifted you away from Peter, opting to hold you with both arms asxxx opposed to another shoulder carry.

“Thanks Thor, he’s always nicest when he’s drunk.” Peter laughed dryly.

“Quill you must appreciate your father. The mead is nothing but a vessel of unity. Besides he metabolizes it very efficiently.” Thor laughed along with him, but his laugh was genuine.

Peter smiled, following Thor across the entry space. The building had a rustic architecture, most of the interior was stone: smooth stone floors and rugged stone walls, the thatched roof visible from the inside. This building specifically had more elegant decor, polished cherrywood furniture and elegant paintings surrounded the foyer framing the original design of the building to make the room appear larger than it really was. An ornate stained glass window depicting several colorful planets and their revolving stars was positioned directly across from the main entrance door, leaving roughly fifteen feet of floor space between them. To the right of the open space there was another set of double doors, concealing joyful chatter and the clinking of metal pint goblets. Peter pulled the door open for Thor, revealing the full extent of the festivities, the men and women inside truly were in high spirits in lieu of what must have been a magnificent feast. There was a roaring cheer as Thor entered, hoisting you a little higher as if to show that he had you in his arms. Thor walked past the two long feast tables, accompanied by Peter who was receiving many pats on the back or shoulder in congratulations, upon reaching the front of the room you were set into a hard surface. Someone gripped your shoulders, pulling you closer to the backrest - evidently the hard surface was a very large chair - your shoulders and midsection were tied to the chair by what felt like a large and rough seamen’s rope. Your lips pulled into a grimace as your injured shoulder was manipulated and your right wrist pressed painfully into the wooden back rests carvings. The cloth bag covering your face was suddenly ripped away, temporarily blinding you as your eyes struggled to adjust to the light in the room.

Once your blurry vision cleared to a vaguely confused perception you were able to fully process your surroundings. You were at the front of a massive rectangular dining hall, tied to a chair-it was really more of a throne- on a raised platform, giving you the perfect view of everything going on before you. The dining hall had two large wooden tables framing the length of them, running down the center of each table were several silver or gold plates filled with meats and various side dishes. Large lanterns accompanied the gluttonous spread, bathing the room and the faces of the tough men and women in an orange glow from the table runner as opposed to the hanging lanterns that bordered the walls. The people standing at the tables, having stood up when Thor entered the room with you in tow, looked like warriors. They were muscular to some degree, brilliant furs covering elaborate pieces of armor designed not only for protection but also for decoration. There were a few people who had removed their fur cloaks, revealing intricate embossing, some of which told ancient stories you’d read about in mythology books. These people were nicknamed as The Vikings for far more than your mother had let on. It wasn’t just their brutal nature it was their culture, their beliefs as people. If you were lucky you would be treated as some level of goddess for your powers, this could all be some big misunderstanding. While you were busy processing your new surroundings, Peter had made some sort of announcement, causing the Vikings in the room to take a seat at the tables and pound their fists and tankards against the polished wood in a rhythmic beat. At the very height of the rumbling a man entered from the double doors.

The man was handsome for his age, his hair grey and streaked with white formed into a fluffy neat shape that aided to a youthful appearance. He walked down the aisle between the tables, tailed by a tall pale man with slicked black hair, he looked a little nervous or shy to be there while the older man oozed confidence with a large joyful grin. The older man held his arms out to his sides as if to absorb the Vikings energy before laughing it off as if it had been a joke. The pair reached the front of the room and stepped up beside Peter and Thor. The pale man smiled awkwardly towards Thor while the older man hugged Peter, laughing and thanking him. Once he had finished speaking to Peter he shook Thor’s hand and turned to his audience.

“Ladies and gentlemen, my son has returned with our princess!” He bellowed, grinning brightly as the Vikings cheered for him.

He rounded his way over to you, marveling at your appearance. He pulled the heavy braid over your right shoulder and you winced at the weight on your injury but he didn’t seem to notice. He was inspecting your hair, absolutely astounded by the length and the promise of its power.

“We have on good authority that this young woman can solve all our mortal problems!” He hadn’t turned back around to look at everyone until after he finished his sentence. “She possesses a great magic, unlike our sorcerers, her magic can defy even death! A powerful form of blood magic runs through her veins, her hair can heal any wound!”

The Vikings cheered loudly, grateful and excited for this new medical advancement.

“To harness her magic I have had Loki craft a spell. As I understand it her power is tethered to music, without the song it would be rendered useless but we have found a loophole! Loki’s spell will tie her magic to physical action. By simply braiding her hair, the wounded will be healed!”

The Vikings cheered yet again before beginning to chant the older man’s name. “Ego! Ego! Ego!” They banged their tankards on the table yet again, raising them into the air in victory.

Ego gestured the pale man- Loki- over to you, resting both of his hands onto the younger man’s shoulders to egg him on, encouraging him to cast his spell. You decided that now was as good a time as ever to plead your case.

“Please.” you whispered, holding eye contact with this Loki, begging him not to do this to you to tell them it wasn’t possible, to tell them they would have to let you go.

For a moment Loki hesitated. The tears in your eyes ripped at his heart. This was wrong and he knew it, but it had to be done. For the greater good. He lifted his hands, closing his eyes even though it wasn’t necessary for the spell, concentrating on the goal as a green glow began to emanate from his fingertips. He pressed his fingertips together before spreading them apart, green energy stretching between them, and lowered his hands on either side of your head. He closed his hands gently on the sides of your head and the green energy moved down the length of your hair, encompassing it in the green glow. The braid you had put your hair in slowly fell out, all seventy feet of it pooling onto the floor beside Loki’s feet. Loki lifted his hands away giving you a brief glance that could anlmost be construed as apologetic before turning back to Ego, notifying him of his success.

“Yondu! Good friend if you would please come and make an example of yourself.” Ego held his hand out to a bald blue man closest to the raised platform.

The blue man stood, his hand gripping the left side of his ribs, he stepped up to the platform and took Loki’s place.

“Simply braid a strand and you will be healed.” Ego grinned, moving out of the way so the Vikings could see the main event.

Yondu hardly reacted as he pulled his hand away from his ribs, his hand was covered in blood and he didn’t even bother to wipe it off as he grabbed a piece of your hair. You tried to pull your head away but it was pointless, your hair was far too long to escape his grasp. He split the strand into three separate pieces, starting to braid it messily. The more he braided the brighter your hair began to glow, silencing the Vikings. While your hair had always glowed a gorgeous gold, it now glowed a bright toxic kind of green. As the glow reached the very tips of your hair, Yondu’s rib wound began to glow the same hue, the moment he finished braiding the glow faded. Yondu lifted his shirt, exposing his ribs. He was healed. The Vikings cheered loudly, some of them jumping onto the stage to congratulate or thank their leader.

“A new age has dawned upon us!” It was Thor, crying out in victory.

You zoned out. In just a few moments you have been doomed to an indecipherable fate. Tears stung at your eyes, nothing could ever be the same now. You missed your mother, you missed the tower and the safety it brought. It was cold and you were in pain, the ability to heal yourself had been ripped away and you were completely at their mercy. The ropes binding your shoulders were severed and you looked up to see Thor and another burly man. The new man wrapped a cloth around your eyes before Thor lifted you up once again and left the dining hall as the Vikings cheered, the other burly man following closely behind carrying the bulk of your hair. A few moments later when the cloth was removed you were in a much darker room. It looked like a prison cell, with a wrought iron barred door and the light of a singular lantern that didn’t reach the depths of the cell space. The burly man opened the cell door for Thor, allowing him the room to enter and set you into the floor. Thor picked up a heavy pair of thick iron cuffs connected to a large chain that was bolted to the floor. He clamped them onto your wrists, much too tight, and you whimpered at the pain. There was a second chain attached a few links down from the cuffs that Thor wrapped around your waist, locking it in place behind your back, making it impossible to lift your hands to your own hair, it was likely preventative in case you attempted to cut it but it meant that if you were injured you’d have to heal the long way. You’d never done that before, there was never a reason for it. The men left the cell closing the door behind them.

“Please! Don’t leave me here! I’m injured and not fit to survive in temperatures this cold!” You begged them for anything, a cloak at the very least.

“Not to worry my lady you are safe.” Thor smiled locking the door and walking away.

You were alone. No one was coming to help you. The emotions of the last few hours finally came crashing down, tears dripped from your eyes as you curled up on the floor, attempting to blanket yourself in your hair for warmth but they had moved it out of your reach. There was no telling where you’d end up from here. You were hardly a ‘princess’ but you were their pawn.

[anyoneseenadam]

The Moon Spirit - One

Dorian x reader (throne of glass) (future fenrys x reader)

Description: When you’re taught to be a queen from such a young age, nothing could go wrong. But when the king starts to fear your growing power you find yourself thrust into a world of faeries, evil magic and powerful men, learning to stand on your own can be harder than it seems.

warnings: blood, graphic descriptions of violence, objectification, gross old men, Dorian is a ball of love and niceness however, angst, fluff, possibly smut in later chapters

word count: 4.5k

a/n: ahhhhh I’m finally writing this!! This has been in my head for so long now so I’m so glad I’m finally getting it down and I’m really excited to develop it further and possibly go into some poly!dorianxfenrysxreader but that shall all be revealed soon lmao, pls comment and let me know your opinions and theories and shiz it always makes my day!!!

—————————————————————————-

“Wake up.” You felt insistent tapping on your forearm, groaning as you shook it off, turning onto your side and burrowing deeper into your soft duvet. “C’mon wake up princess,” your brain barely registered Dorian’s whining as you groaned in return, throwing and arm out behind you and batting at his firm chest.

“Go away.” You moaned as you felt a firm body land on top off yours. Dorian pressed his face in between your shoulder blades as his arms wormed their way beneath your stomach, warm fingertips massaging the skin of your belly as you cracked open an eye, albeit reluctantly.

“I have to say all those lessons in ladylike manners sure paid off.” You heard Chaol’s sarcastic voice and turned your head just enough to glare at him as well as he sat comfortably on the armchair next to your fireplace.

“I also have lots of lessons in stabbing rude boys, shall I demonstrate those,” you grumbled, flipping him off before shaking your clingy boyfriend away, sitting up in bed and glaring at both of them as they laughed at your disgruntled expression. “What do you want and why are you waking me up?”

“Well, my love,” Dorian moved behind you to gently start brushing your hair as you hummed in delight at the attention, both of you ignoring Chaol’s eye roll, “It is your birthday isn’t it?”

“So you choose to torment me?” you asked as Dorian stood again, smiling at you boyishly as he moved around your room, tidying away clothes.

“Well seventeen is a big one,” he wiggled his eyebrows at you and Chaol moved to translate as you stood and made your way to your bathroom where a bath had already been run for you, the hot water smelling of expensive soaps and salts.

“We have to make appearances today, and there’s a ball tonight.” Your shoulders slumped as you realised what your day entailed.

“Appearances?” you gave your friend a pleading look, but he just shrugged his shoulders sympathetically.

“Carriage through the city, the whole point in the public seeing you so much is to dampen any threat of revolution and they haven’t seen the two of you together recently. Your birthday is as good a time as any.” The older boy explained as your dark-haired prince moved closer to you, wrapping his arms tightly around you and kissing your head.

“I know it sucks princess, but if we make the rounds this morning, we’ll have all afternoon to ourselves before the ball.”

“I don’t like being a show pony.” You grumbled as the familiar frustration prickled behind your eyes, tears forming on what was supposed to be a happy day for you.

Chaol and Dorian averted their gazes at your words, both feeling a deep sense of guilt over something they truly couldn’t control. You had spoken of this before, only in confidence to them; Dorian the love of your life and Chaol alike a brother to you, you had told them how you felt like a toy, a shiny thing for the king to display, waved around in front of the public until you were drained, and they were putting artificial colour onto your face. You had once described it as being alike a corpse in makeup, dragged around for others entertainment as you slowly rotted and decayed until you were unrecognisable.

“I’ll be there the entire time my love, when it gets too much I’ll drag the attention away from you okay?” you nodded as he stroked your arm reassuringly.

“I love you,” you said to him as you leaned up to kiss him gently.

“I love you too baby, happy birthday.”

Chaol walked past as he left the room so you could clean, ruffling your hair as he passed. “Maybe next year you’ll grow,” he mocked, narrowly missing your smack as the three of you laughed.

“Clean up, we’ll be waiting when you’re ready,” Dorian pressed another kiss to your head before he was dragged out of the room, his grin easy as you waved him away.

--

You washed quickly without the help of the maids that usually surrounded you. You presumed that was a birthday present from Dorian as he knew how much you despised the bustling groups of women that would preen over your every feature.

You spent half the bath scrubbing off layers of dead skin and the other massaging your hair until it had no option but to shine in the morning light. Cleaning your face and dragging a razor over any visible body hair as you repeated the rules you were taught in your head.

1.      Never look anything less than perfect. A queen must look put together.

2.      Always stand straight.

3.      Never smile with your teeth.

4.      Wave to children only, adults get a polite head bow.

5.      Speak once spoken too and only if given permission from the Crown prince…

The list went on for what seemed like hours and at one point you had it written down and pinned on your wall next to your mirror, reading it every day. The first four years you had spent under the king’s care were the same. Lessons followed by more lessons, restrictive diets, and waist training. They broke you down and remodelled you into the perfect queen, and throughout those lonely years you never once saw Dorian, excluding the first time you met as children.

Only when you were twelve did you see him again, and from then on you did everything together. When he sword trained you practiced ballet, when he read, you read, when he ate, you ate. You became one person, never doing something without the other, Chaol turning your duo into a trio soon after.

When you turned fourteen he kissed you. You both knew you were to be married one day, but one snowy day he had pulled you aside and kissed you quickly, face as red as the roses your mother used to grow every summer. He had asked you to be his girlfriend, speaking so quickly you barely heard him as you held in laughs at your usually so composed prince. You had nodded in response and he kissed you again, holding your hand tightly as the two of you escaped the castle for the night, determined as he was to take you on a real date.

You dried quickly when you got out the bath, rubbing your favourite lavender scented hand cream into your hands and neck. You towelled your hair off and dressed quickly, mindful of the delicate necklace that always hung around your neck, the one that secured your place in the glass castle. Even if you didn’t know why.

Your dress was dusty blue with silver stitching, the king and queen liking when you and Dorian sticked to a theme. You thumbed some silver earrings in and adorned your wrists in similar dainty, silver bracelets, finally twisting your hair into a low bun and pinning away the loose strands, applying minimal makeup.

You heard a soft knock at the door before it pushed open, a familiar mop of dark hair appearing at an odd angle from behind the door. You smiled when you saw him, unable to escape the rush of feelings that appeared whenever he walked in a room, all easy smiles and suave manner.

He sauntered over to you with a cheeky smile, his hands hiding something behind his back.

“Maybe Chaol was right about the height thing,” he commented when he reached you, your similar heights long gone as you both grew into your bodies, the days of being young and without consequences gone.

You jabbed him in the rib jokingly, “It’s my birthday and all I’ve gotten so far is abuse.”

“Let me change that then,” he pressed a kiss to the underside of your jaw, and you shut your eyes, revelling in the attention from your lover. He pulled away and revealed the flat box he was holding. “I know you can’t take your necklace off, but I thought this would go nicely with it,” he opened the box in your direction, and you looked down at a beautiful gold necklace with a circular pendant showing an opalescent crescent moon with three stars on the gold plating it rested on.

“Oh Dorian,” you whispered, picking the necklace up gently to admire it.

“Of course I have a million other presents waiting for you later, I have to treat my best girl,” he scrunched his face up in the way that always reminded you that he too was just a boy, despite his lessons. You loved these gentle moments when you both let your masks drop, and instead focused on the true love you shared, a lack of care for the way it was pushed. You instead focused on the luck that had given you a man you could truly love, through all the pain and harsh words, the world had given you someone to endure its hardships with, and for that you would remain grateful.

“Put it on for me?” you smiled at him, biting your lip gently as he turned you around, clasping the necklace that sat perfectly under your crystal behind you neck, his fingers soft and gentle as they trailed down the chain and settled between your collarbones, his touch almost wary of the stone as he moved to stand in front of you.

He seemed like he was about to say something but clearly decided against it, instead reaching to tug some strands of hair down to frame your face, twirling them in his long fingers.

“We’ll be fine today, it’s only an hour or two.” He said, his voice steady and sure, his courage coursing through you as he cupped your face lightly.

“We will be. We always are.” You moved away and sat to pull on your shoes as Dorian checked his sword was hanging safely from his side still before he picked up a light shawl, slinging it around your shoulder and linking arms with you.

“The city awaits my love,”

--

Chaol was escorting you through the courtyard when you were surrounded by a fleet of soldiers, exchanging a worried glance with Dorian.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, his arm tightening around you as he and Chaol both scanned the area.

“Yes your highness, however a rather dangerous prisoner is being taken to the king, so we are simply on high alert.” A guard you recognised said, Dorian frowned but you all continued onwards, only slowing when you passed an ever-larger group of guards. When you passed them you looked to the centre where a beautiful girl with a tear-stained face stood, being dragged along, her blonde hair matted with blood and dirt. She locked eyes with you, and you felt a pulse of power go through your body, her turquoise eyes widening for a second as time seemed to slow around you, a soft glow emitting from your neck. However before you could ponder it she was dragged away, and Dorian was asking you a question.

“Huh?” you asked quietly, mind occupied by the strange, beautiful girl.

“What do you think she did?” he asked, his grin cheeky.

“Maybe she steals princes hearts and eats them,” you joked, nudging his side even though your smile didn’t feel real, hiding your shaking hands behind the pleats of your skirt.

“Shame mine has already been stolen,” he flirted, and you laughed genuinely as he helped you into the carriage, pushing down the thoughts of the girl and the anxiety that surged through you as you prepared to plaster on a fake, placid smile.

“I haven’t eaten it yet though,” he laughed, joining you and squeezing your hand.

“Save it for dessert.”

--

The rest of your day passed slowly. Practiced waves and polite conversation taking up a majority of your morning as you tried to keep a pleasant facial expression when all you wanted was to curl up with your very cute boyfriend and sleep your birthday away.

You hated being put on display, the way you were shown off like a shiny toy and your hand was frequently finding Dorians, holding his tightly while you dug your nails into the palm of your other hand, the biting pain reminding you that you were in fact human.

By the end of the long, slow loop of Adarlan your shoulders were aching, and your mouth hurt from the still, soft expression you had kept it in. However you didn’t let your shoulders drop as you moved swiftly through the castle, Dorian by your side and Chaol a pace behind. Instead you only let your shoulders fall when you reached your room as you squealed, clapping your hands together and turning to Dorian with wide eyes when you saw the copious amounts of presents laid out for you.

“Dorian this is too much!” you exclaimed as you tackled him in a hug.

“Nothing is too much for you angel.” He muttered, kissing your head as you practically swooned in his arms.

“You read too much romance,” you said, ducking your head to hide your heated face.

“Plus a solid twenty percent are from me,” Chaol said, and you turned, hugging the tall man tightly too.

“Thank you!” you held your hands to your face, biting the tips of your thumbs like you used to as a child as Dorian led you to the seats where the presents were placed.

“I think this one needs to be opened first,” he said, a glint in his eyes that you couldn’t place as he passed you a large but light box. You opened the lid cautiously as Dorian exchanged excited looks with his brother. You were met by a ball of white fur, bright blue eyes blinking up at you and you gasped.  

You placed a hand over your heart as you reached into the box, picking up the kitten that was roughly the size of your hand and cooing gently as you stroked it, tears filling your eyes. You looked up at Dorian and he smiled at you as you pressed the furball into your chest, nuzzling its soft head.

“I found it abandoned on a street and had to take it home,” he explained, “He doesn’t have a name yet.”

You wiped away a tear that had escaped as they laughed at your emotional state, “Amaris,” you whispered, still choked up, “My little ball of light.”

You leaned into Dorian’s arm and kissed him gently in thanks, his head coming over your shoulder as you cooed at the small kitten that was pawing at your hand like new parents.

“As sweet as this is we’re going to be here for hours if you take this long on everything,” you stuck your tongue out at Chaol, placing Amaris in your lap as you were passed more presents. You ended up opening many presents for Amaris, Dorian sheepishly explaining that he got slightly carried away, countless books, dresses, hair pins and bags filled with sweets from all over the world.

By the time you were finished you all felt slightly sick from the taffy you had shared but the aches left from your smiles were real this time. Maids came in to clear away the wrapping paper and dishes Dorian had ordered up when he realised you hadn’t had any substantial food yet that day.

“I should go, we’ve got dinner then the ball in an hour and I can hear the maids outside,” Dorian said late that afternoon, his arms tight around you as you snoozed on his chest, Chaol having left to complete his duties for the day, not having the luxury to laze around like you and Dorian, and Amaris curled on Dorian’s chest next to your head.

“Do you have too?” you whined, and Dorian laughed,

“Yes, now c’mon. Wear the gold dress tonight,” he was referring to an intricate rose pink and gold dress he had bought you, currently hanging on the screen in your room, the matching tiara in a velvet case on your vanity. You looked over to it with heart eyes, wondering how you got so lucky before you sat up and Dorian marvelled at you, eyes puffy from your nap and lips parted and pouty. He reached up and stole a kiss, dragging your bottom lip between his teeth before deepening the kiss with a hand on the back of your head. He pressed into your body, his tongue seeking out yours and you moaned softly into the kiss, his grin a promise of more to come later in the evening.

He pulled away too soon, leaving you breathless and left with a wink as you were surrounded by a sea of flustered maids, getting swept up in the lace and satin, the rush of the room silencing your mind for the time being.

--

You sat next to Dorian on a velvet seat, Dorian’s hand protectively resting on your knee as you spoke to the duke and duchess of some shit you didn’t care about. They were speaking about their fifth horse when you felt a sharp gaze on you and turned to see the king staring at you with his cold eyes, and for a second you felt that pulse of power again, the Duke cut off mid-sentence as the world slowed. You tore your eyes away quickly, clenching them shut as the image of the blonde girl came back into your head, Dorian gazing at you with worry as he excused the two of you.

“What happened?” he asked, leading you to dance as you forced yourself back into your practiced facial expression, the mask slipping on hiding your fear.

You placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned into his embrace, “I need to talk to you about something that happened today,” you whispered low enough for him to hear.

“Are you okay? Did someone do something?” he asked, grip tightening slightly as he led you in a waltz.

“Not quite, I’ll tell you when we can go somewhere more private.” You peered over his shoulder and met the kings’ eyes again, watching as he spoke lowly to Chaol who turned slightly pale before bowing and making his way over to you.

“May I but in,” he asked, and Dorian nodded, still watching you cautiously as he passed you to Chaol.

“The king wishes to speak to you after the ball, he says it’s the first thing you have to do.” He told you quietly and it took all your training to mask your fear.

“Did he say why?” you asked, taking a deep breath when he shook his head. “Okay, that’s fine. Thank you for letting me know.” You finished your dance with Chaol before carrying on with Dorian, occasionally having to entertain a noble who would breathe heavily in your ear for ten minutes before Dorian found an excuse to steal you back, giggling like the teenagers you were as you did.

When the ball ended and everyone began filing out, all wishing you a happy birthday and you and Dorian a happy future you felt the ball of anxiety that had been in your stomach all night grow, consuming your entire being and swallowing you whole.

“Are you sure you’re okay going alone?” Dorian asked for the fourth time and you faked a laugh to appease his nerves.

“He probably just wants to let me know of new duties now I’m older, I’ll not be long.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“But why won’t he let me or Chaol escort you,” he looked concerned, his trust in his father depleting as he grew older.

“Probably because you’ve both been drinking,” you squeezed his hand as his shoulders slumped, “I’ll be fine.”

“Come up to my room as soon as you’re done okay?” you smiled at his concern, placing a hand over your new necklace, and walking back, away from him.

“Promise.” You blew him a kiss, “see you in a minute, I love you.”

--

You knew something was wrong even before you walked in the room as you watched the queen walk out, eyes red. Her breath stopped when she saw you and she looked as if she were about to come over to speak to you, but shook her head, continuing on with a tight smile.

The guards opened the doors to the large throne room, escorting you into the dark room.

The king sat alone.

The room was dark, lit only by the light of the full moon coming in from the glass walls and ceiling. He sat on his burnished throne; his crown lopsided on his head as he swirled a goblet of blood red wine.

You stepped forward, head bowed, posture never faltering as your mind travelled back to the way you had watched your grandmother stand up to him as well, only to pass away less than a month later leaving you with no real family.

“It’s a shame really,” he started, voice low and gravelly and you stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. “You were truly doing so well, and Dorian the poor boy, this will affect him greatly I presume.”

You fought the bile rising in your stomach at the implications of what he was saying, but kept your mouth shut.

“And I have been nothing but fair, giving you all you could ever dream of and keeping you on a tight leash. But I suppose teenage girls will always want to disobey.” He stood then, motioning to the guards who came and kicked you down, landing on your knees harshly with a yelp as you looked up at the approaching king with fear in your eyes.

He reached you, his hand stroking your cheek lightly before trailing down to your necklaces, gently twirling the stone between your collarbones before holding the one Dorian had gifted you tightly.

“Hmm, tacky,” was all he said before tugging harshly, ripping the necklace of you, and throwing it to the side. “I guess I’ve dragged this out enough now.”

You were shaking were you sat, tears slowly trailing down your face but still to afraid to say a word, even as a guard you didn’t recognise approached you, drawing his sword as the others held you tightly. Your eyes widened, fear seeping in as you started fighting the guards, desperately thrashing in their grips as you met the kings’ eyes.

“You can’t do this,” you begged but it was futile as he laughed in your face, “Please it will destroy Dorian, he is your son please don’t do this.”

“It builds character, a strong king needs to be broken.”

“What about the public! They will figure it out, you can’t spin this one.” You were pulling at strings, but you had to try anything you could.

“I AM KING! WHATVER I SAY GOES, WHATEVER I SAY IS THE TRUTH!” he exploded, and you started sobbing, begging for your life as the king turned away, gesturing for the guard to continue. You were shaking, pulling away from the guards as you fought against their death grip.

You watched the guard raise the sword above his head, squeezing your eyes shut as you sent a prayer to any god that was listening. As you prayed, clutching your necklace letting loose sobs and cried for Dorian you failed to notice the glow emitting from you. You heard the guard step forward to slash down and raised your hands to brace for the blow, a blow that never came.

You looked up to see the three guards that were next to you were all sliced in half, blood spilling onto the floor. You screamed pushing away, slipping on the blood as you tore away sobbing as the king turned to you, face white with fear and rage.

“GET HER!” he screamed but you had already begun running, skirts bunched in your hands, the glow around you shielding you from their arrows as you tore through the doors and into the courtyard, running as fast as your legs would allow, dropping yours arms as the full force of the moons light hit you. You saw a path you and Dorian often took to sneak out and headed for it, hiding behind the mock door that was covered in shrubbery, a hand pressed to your mouth as you muffled your sobs hearing the guards stopping nearby, speaking in hushed tones.

You felt something wet press against your leg and almost screamed, looking down to see Amaris gazing up at you with those bright, unblinking eyes. You held in your sobs, picking him up and pressing him into your chest as you quietly made your way down the path that led to the woods, walking in the moon veiled forest.

Your dress was bloody and torn, your delicate heels had snapped, and your feet were tearing from where you stepped having removed them. You ran through the woods, heading as far away as you could get, however you eventually had to slow walking and holding in your sobs as you realised what you had done.

Not only had you used magic, but you had also killed three men and left Dorian. You held Amaris tighter to your chest as he licked at you gently, your necklace still glowing even thought your entire body ached, ready for rest. But you ploughed on, coming out of the forest onto an empty dirt road.

You sat down for a second, letting Amaris down as you sobbed into your hands until you had no tears left, your entire body still shaking. But you forced yourself to stand, picking up Amaris and walking down the road, luckily finding a small farm with horses.

You quietly took a horse, placing down your tiara in its place, wishing you could apologise more but instead mounting the horse and leaving, riding into the night, tears drying on your face as you held your light close with one hand. You wished you could just wake up, wrapped in Dorians arms as he comforted you after your bad dream, but the pain in your body suggested that wasn’t going to happen.

You wanted Dorian but you needed a plan. And you needed a drink.

--

Chaol stood in the throne room, his hand clenched so tight his knuckles were white as he watched the king spin his story of your sudden disappearance, the sound of Dorians silent cries breaking his heart.

When they were excused he dragged Dorian to his room, where he finally broke down, falling to his knees and sobbing into his hands, muttering about how he should have protected her.

“Dorian I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but I think something bad happened to (y/n).” he said, approaching his brother cautiously as he looked at him with wide, tear filled eyes.

“What?” he asked, his voice breaking in his throat. Chaol finally unclenched his hand and passed what he had been holding to Dorian.

The gold necklace was caked with blood.

[pregnant-piggy]

Star-crossed

Draco Malfoy x reader

Request:  can you please write something angsty but with a happy ending? Draco and the reader are in secret relationship because her family is muggle. How he can never publicly be with her whether when she get hurt physically or when she get insulted or when someone is flirting with her. Maybe one day he can’t pretend anymore and finally go help her when she get hurt badly (anon)

Words: 2.8k

Warnings: a bit of angst. then a little more. and then just a little bit more

A/N: I know you asked for a happy ending, but I kinda changed that... I hope you don’t mind and who knows, maybe I’ll write a part two...

- - - - - -

In the dark of the night, you reached over to find the other side of the bed empty. A hollow feeling filled your chest as you pulled yourself up and pushed the curtains around your bed aside to look around the room. It was a common sight; your roommates deep asleep, some with the curtains closed. There was no one else in the room, why would there be?

It had been like this for months, but every time you stretched your arm and found nothing you were a little disappointed. You knew you had to be careful and keep in mind that there were others in your room.

Careful.

That was the word that you had been hearing for the past months.

 --

‘We have to be careful,’ Draco whispered, holding your hand tightly in his as he looked around the corner to see if there was anyone there. ‘Come on.’

You were pulled along by him, your footsteps echoing through the empty corridors. The school was different at night, you had noticed in the past week. As the windows were paintings of black and most candles had burned out, there was something creepy in the space. Like those haunted houses you used to go to when you were younger.

When the world had been around magic yet. When you had just been a simple muggle. Just like your family.

And that was the reason you were sneaking around the school at night now. A week prior the most wonderful thing had happened. Wonderful yet restricting.

With your background and Draco’s family, your relationship with him was everything but easy. It meant sneaking around in the school after curfew, lying to your friends, so-called ‘study sessions’ and a whole lot of nerves and adrenalin. But it was worth it, because you got the best moments with him.

‘Where are we going?’ you asked, but Draco didn’t answer. Instead he just tightened his grip on your hand and pulled you along in the dark to another adventure.

--

Draco opened the door softly, not wanting to wake his roommates up. He slid into his bed and wrapped the sheets around himself, blocking out the cold of the room. Or the cold that had been taking over his body since he had let go of you.

As he lied in bed he thought back of the last moment you shared with him. It had been sweet, but everything that was said was hurried, as if there wasn’t enough time. Because there was never enough time. Every time you’d be interrupted by someone or one of you had to go. Your shared moments were a secret to everyone in the world and though Draco liked to have you all to himself, he also wanted to be able to walk with you in public, to kiss you in front of his friends and to take care of you when you got hurt.

He couldn’t catch sleep, no matter how hard he tried. His eyelids only closed when the sun was rising on the horizon and before he could even properly fall asleep, Blaise shook him awake, announcing that it was already time for breakfast.

Draco’s head hurt as he sat down in the Great Hall and poured himself some coffee. His eyes were heavy and his limbs were too tired to even move. It wasn’t that he couldn’t function if he had one night of little sleep, but he hadn’t been able to sleep for the whole week. His lack of sleep was now slowly building up and showing its consequences.

From across the hall Draco met eyes with you. You were sitting with your friends and when your eyes locked with Draco’s, your smile faltered a little. With a nod of your head, invisible to your friends, you made it clear to Draco that you wanted to talk to him. He excused himself to his friends, muttering something about haven forgotten his books and then left the Great Hall in a hurry.

You stood against the wall next to the door opening to the hall, waiting for Draco. After making sure no one was around, you took his hand and pulled him along with you to a hallway hidden from sight.

With your hand in his, Draco relaxed. It was so nice to be with you, that it hurt even more when he wasn’t. You brought something to Draco’s world that he had never seen before. He felt things that were completely new to him and it scared him a little. But he knew that you would help him through it. That this journey would be easier with you by his side.

‘What’s wrong?’ you asked in a soft whisper, placing a hand on his cheek.

‘Nothing, just haven’t been sleeping so well,’ Draco muttered, avoiding your eyes.

You and him both knew the reason for that. It wasn’t exactly very relaxing to sneak out of your dorm in the middle of the night without being seen or heard by anyone. You dropped your hand and shook your head.

‘I’m sorry,’ you said with a sad voice. ‘Maybe… Maybe we should just not sleep together for a while. Maybe that’s better.’

It was as if someone was hitting Draco in his chest. All the air was pushed out of his longs and what he got in place was a stinging liquid that filled his organs, making him feeling like he was drowning.

Draco didn’t know what to say and you took his silence as affirmation of what you had said. You smiled sadly at Draco and pressed a kiss to his cheek as you walked past him, back to the Great Hall, back to your friends who knew nothing about this.

Alone in the corridor, Draco recollected his thoughts. He wanted to punch the walls and scream or to cry and hide from the world. But Draco couldn’t do either of those things. Instead he turned around and walked to his class, swallowing every tear that came up.

--

The moon lit up a stroke of the wooden floor. It was silent but for your soft giggles and Draco’s whispering words. The both of you were lying on the floor in the empty Slytherin common room, heads close and feet away from each other. Your ear rested against Draco’s and you could hear his heartbeat as you weren’t talking.

‘I like you a lot,’ Draco whispered.

‘I like you too,’ you said back.

‘But-’

‘I know, I know,’ you mumbled. ‘We can’t be together. My family is muggle, your family is pureblood. Everything is against us.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Draco said and he sat up. You crawled into his lap and pulled his arms over your stomach, resting the back of your head against his chest as you looked out of the window to the stars.

A silence fell over you and Draco listened to your breath. He placed a kiss on the top of your head and pulled you closer, inhaling the scent of your shampoo.

He didn’t just like you, he knew he loved you. But it was impossible for you two to be together. Not only didn’t his family approve, they might hurt you. And Draco didn’t want that; he wanted to protect you from the horrible world out there. You were something so precious.

‘We’re star-crossed lovers,’ you sighed, placing your hands over Draco’s.

‘Yeah, star-crossed lovers...’

--

A hand brushed along your back as you stood in the hallway waiting for the class to start. You looked over your shoulder and saw Draco standing with his back to you, his hand behind his back, fingers moving lightly. A smile formed on your lips as you turned back to your friends, trying to ignore the small fire in your stomach that always was there when Draco was near.

‘Are you coming with us?’ one of your friends asked, referring to the subject of the party that was tonight in the Slytherin common room. ‘I heard Sean might want to ask you.’

‘Sean?’ you asked surprised. ‘Oh, I don’t know...’

Someone scoffed behind you and when you and your friends turned around, you were faced with an annoyed Draco, who was looking at your little group. He quickly looked away when he noticed you and your friends. Your friend turned you back and held their hand on your shoulder as they shot Draco a final glare before focussing on you.

‘I don’t want to worry you, but Malfoy's been looking at you all day,’ your friend whispered.

You looked over your shoulder at Dragon’s back. You had noticed it too; Draco had been staring at you all day. It had been a week since he stopped sleeping in your bed and things were a bit different. There were still secret kisses in the dark and the moments spend together when your friends thought you were at the library, but it was weird to lie in bed at night and not have Draco's arms around you and his voice lulling you to sleep.

--

Draco had your hand tightly in his as he sat next to the hospital bed you were in. You were asleep and your eyes moved behind your eyelids as you were dreaming. Draco stared at the edge of the sheets that lied on your shoulders.

Your right shoulder was turning purple and blue, now it had been a little time since you had been injured. You’d get hurt more often, you weren’t exactly one to be called ‘not clumsy’, but this time had been worse than other times. Draco didn’t know how it happened, but as soon as he had heard some students talk about how you were in the hospital wing, he had dropped his stuff and ran there to where he was now; next to you.

There was no one else in the room, but for madam Pomfrey in her office. Draco knew he had to be careful, because he didn’t want anyone to see him here next to you. His relationship with you was everything but easy and the more time passed, the harder it got. Draco just wanted to be with you in front of the whole school, he wanted to hold your hand while he was walking you to your class, he wanted to kiss you goodnight after dinner, to study with you under the big tree by the lake when the sun was shining. But he couldn’t do those things. If his family would find out he was dating a muggleborn…

Draco didn’t even want to think of all the things that might happen.

You shifted in your bed and Draco watched you as you opened your eyes slowly. A smile spread on your face as you found Draco sitting next to you and you pressed a kiss to his hand, that was still holding yours.

‘How long have I been here?’ you asked, as you lifted yourself up and rested your back against your pillow.

‘I don’t know,’ Draco answered. ‘I have been here for an hour now.’

‘Did anyone see you?’

Draco shook his head before he leaned in to kiss you softly. ‘Don’t worry, darling. I am careful.’

--

Draco stared out of the window in the common room, while his friends were talking. Either to him or about him, but Draco didn’t listen to it. He was too busy thinking about you. It bugged him to know that there was another boy that wanted to ask you out and that there was nothing he could to about it.

When you started dating, everything had seemed so simple. But time had shown that it was not. The dilemma formed itself; staying with you and enjoying the light that you brought to Draco’s life, while having the constant fear that anyone would find out, or taking the easy way and break up with you.

‘Draco, are you even listening?’ Pansy asked and Draco snapped his head to her.

‘What?’

‘I asked if you were listening, but there’s no need for an answer anymore now,’ Pansy shot back at him. ‘What is on your mind?’

You.

‘Nothing,’ Draco said. ‘I just haven’t been sleeping so well. Guess I’m just tired.’

Pansy only smiled at Draco before she turned back to talk to her friend. Draco was left to himself and his mind drifted off to you again, as his fingers played with the cover of his book on his lap.

It was a book you had given Draco a week ago. Romeo and Juliet. Apparently it was a famous muggle book about two lovers from different families who couldn’t be with each other.

‘It’s our story,’ you said giving Draco the book. ‘Only without the sad ending.’

Draco turned the book in his hands, looking at the weary cover. It had obvious that you had read the book a dozen times already and probably knew a lot of it by heart. There were dog-ears throughout all the pages and when Draco flickered through it, he saw little notes and scribbled next to the text.

‘I think you’ll like it. I know it’s not what you typically read, but I would really appreciate it if you read it,’ you said with a smile.

Draco looked from the book to you. He kissed you on your cheek. ‘Of course I’ll read it, darling.’

It took Draco two nights to finish the book. And then he read it again and again. The story was mesmerizing and your little notes gave inside to what you thought while reading and maybe Draco loved those more than the book itself.

Draco was pulled from his thoughts when Crabbe came to sit opposite of him. His face was shining from sweat and there was a happy glint in his eyes.

Though Draco had grown more to Pansy and Blaise over the course of the years, he had been friends with Crabbe and Goyle for two years and, unlike Draco, they had not changed much. Draco could still, whether he liked or not, with just one glance see what emotion they were feeling. And Crabbe’s face was telling Draco that he had done something he was proud of.

‘What did you do?’ Draco asked, not really curious about the answer, but just being polite.

‘After dinner, Goyle and I were walking back,’ Crabbe said and Draco already lost interest in the conversation. ‘We were thinking of going past the kitchens, when Goyle heard someone talk. Turns out that it was that mudblood… what’re they called again? y/n or something?’

Draco’s head snapped towards the boy in front of him and he fixated his eyes on Crabbe’s face. ‘What did you do them?’

‘We both screamed something, I don’t even know what, but we hit them good, because they fell on the floor and didn’t move when we walked away,’ Crabbe chuckled and he leaned back into his chair as if he had done something good.

Draco got up from his chair and cursed at Crabbe as he walked past him. Draco held your book tightly in his hand as he left the common room in a hurry, on his way to find you. He ran through the empty corridors and found you after a few minutes. You were sitting with your back against the wall, panting lightly. Your face was paler than normal and your cheeks were wet from the tears.

‘y/n! Are you alright? I heard what hap-’

‘Shut it, Draco.’ Though you looked weak, your voice was loud and clear. You got up from the wall and stood in front of Draco. ‘I’m so done with this, Draco. I am done getting hurt by your friends, only because my parents are muggles. Only because I am a mudblood. I am so done.’

‘Darling, I am so sorry, really. He wasn’t thinking about what he was doing. I will-’

‘I don’t need you to do anything, Draco,’ you hissed. ‘How could you defend him? Look at what he did to me! How can you take his side?’

‘I am not taking his side,’ Draco sputtered. ‘I am just saying that it wasn’t to hurt you. Crabbe and Goyle are more stupid than a pig’s ass. They just thought it was fun.’

‘Don’t you hear what you’re saying? Don’t you fucking hear? Just fun? They hurt me, Draco,’ you lifted your shirt and showed Draco the big purple bruise on your ribs, ‘and you say they just did it for fun.’

‘y/n, listen to me…’

‘No! I don’t want to listen! I don’t want to hear how you’re going to say that they didn’t do it to hurt me. I don’t want to hear you apologise for them. I am done with this, Draco,’ you said and your voice turned to a watery whisper. ‘I can’t continue, it’s too much secrecy. I can’t lie to my friends anymore. I can’t lie awake at night, waiting for my roommates to fall asleep so I can leave. I can’t live my life in fear anymore, only because I love someone who thinks my blood matters. I can’t.’

Draco stood frozen in his place. The words washed over him like water when he was in the shower. His worry changed for anger and sadness within a second. His stomach turned and acid flowed to his throat.

‘What do you mean?’ he whispered.

‘We’re done, Draco. It’s over.’

- - - - - - 

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MASTERLIST

[skullsandwineglasses]

Love and Redemption Review

Overall, I have to say that the story was really good, maybe even better than the popular xianxia romances that came before it like Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms, Love and Destiny, and Ashes of Love. The romance may be comparable to AOL, but as a whole, the plot in L&R was more interesting and cohesive.

****SPOILERS AHEAD FOR LOVE AND REDEMPTION AND OTHER XIANXIA DRAMAS****

Plot

What sets Love and Redemption apart from the other 3 xianxia romances is that Love and Redemption also feels like a quest/adventure story, while also delivering a gut-wrenching, star-crossed romance plot. What’s interesting about L&R is that the main focus is on the mortal realm and the FL and ML’s current mortal incarnation, as opposed to the heavenly realm and their immortal identities.

The actions of the mortals have consequences across the 3 realms, as opposed to other xianxia romances that only use the mortal realm as a temporary stage for the leads to fall in love. The other 3 xianxias that I mentioned all opened up in the heavenly/celestial realm first, while the mortal realm was just a brief trial that the leads have to endure before returning to the immortal realm. The moral realm in L&R therefore feels livelier and more eventful, and the mortals have more agency and are not easily influenced by celestial beings. Whenever a celestial being does come down to the mortal realm, their powers are limited and are they are bound by the rules and restrictions of the mortal realm (which means that celestial beings can’t use their powers to mess with the emotions and decisions of mortals). 

The drama opens up with a tournament being held at the FL’s sect and members from all the other sects are arriving for the tournament. When the FL and ML meet, they are on equal footing (well, equal in terms of status as disciples, but not so much in terms of magical prowess). It’s like when you were in high school and you meet the visiting basketball team from a rival school, and then end up becoming friends with them.

Love and Redemption also takes the audience through a mystery. What is the true immortal identity of the FL? What’s her relationship to the Star of Mosha? Is she the saviour or the doomsday harbinger? Does the ML have an immortal identity too? Why do they have the same birthday? The drama keeps us on our toes because we learn about the truth and the history of the characters as they’re discovering it, as opposed to the other xianxia dramas where there is very little mystery and few plot twists.

Because of this mystery, the drama is tight and well-paced, since a new piece of the puzzle is always being revealed. Just when you thought that the mystery is solved, there’s a twist, and you realized that the twist was set up from the very beginning of the story, but you just missed it. 

The story also doesn’t stray from the main leads. Yes, there are subplots (as all dramas do), but the subplots here are brief, and they usually relate back to the main leads. Unlike in AOL where the later half of the drama derails and focuses on the two other supporting couples, while the main leads only get about 10 minutes of screen time. 

The Male Lead - Yu Si Feng

Before starting the drama, I read a lot of comments about how much whump and emotional torture the ML goes through and how much he sacrifices for the FL. I thought this was an exaggeration. I mean, Xufeng in AOL went through a lot of Jin Mi too, (and you could make the same argument for Ye Hua in TMOPB, or Bai Zi Hua in Journey of Flower), so I was a little hesitant about the premise since it’s such an old trope, and I was doubtful that it could top the sacrifice that other MLs have done in other dramas. 

But reader, boy was I wrong. Yu Si feng is the definition of limitless, unconditional love. I lost count of how many times he almost died for the FL (not including the 9 times she killed him in their previous 9 lives). He’s spitting up blood and stabbed in nearly every episode. Episodes 37-47 were the hardest to watch because of the escalating chronic angst and misunderstandings between him and Xuan ji that caused irreversible damage to their relationship. Even when she tries to kill him and tells him she regrets having ever known him, he still drags himself back to rescue her. To quote Si feng himself, it’s not a question of whether or not it’s worth it, but it’s a question of whether you are willing to do it. And Si feng is as eager and willing as ever to sacrifice everything for Xuan ji. 

I mean, even Xufeng in AOL and Ye Hua in TMOPB snapped at the FL’s cruelty and aloofness at one point, but Si feng seems incapable of ever being angry with Xuan ji. Even when Si feng purposely tries to avoid her, it’s out of protection for her, not out of anger for everything she’s done. Like??? Si feng is impossibly perfect, even by the impossible standards of xianxia. 

Cheng Yi plays Si feng to a T. He conveys a different type of pain in every crying scene, and so Si feng basically experiences like 59 different types of crushing pain, and you feel it in your bones every time you watch it. The man’s eyes speak volumes.

While it would be easy to say that Cheng Yi carries the drama with his portrayal of Si Feng, the actions of the ML would be meaningless if there were no romantic interest that he was doing this all for.  

The Female Lead - Chu Xuan Ji

Some people may feel that Xuan ji isn’t worth Si feng’s devotion. But, I would argue that the first 37 episodes shows us that she is definitely worth it. 

Xuan Ji is similar to Jin Mi from AOL in that she is incapable of feeling or understanding love. Because Xuan Ji was born without her 6 senses (and also without a real heart, unbeknownst to the other characters), she’s naive and juvenile. But despite not having feelings, she’s still able to care completely about others. She cares about her sister, her father, her sect brothers, and Si Feng. She’s fiercely protective of them as they are of her. To the best of her limited abilities, she is devoted to people as much as she can be. 

Because of her sensory deprivation, Xuan Ji is really curious about the world. She wants to be like everyone else, to feel like everyone else, in hopes of being able to properly reciprocate people’s love for her. She envies people who are able to cry because she thinks that’s an unhindered way of showing love. She regrets not being able to cry when her mother died. Xuan Ji is therefore a self-aware character, unlike Jin Mi, because she knows her shortcomings. She wants to be able to feel, understand, and share pain. 

As such, she’s quite an active character because she has this goal of reviving her senses, which has ripple effects for the other characters in the story since they become a part of her journey, whether by choice or by force. 

Why Si Feng fell for Xuan Ji

Xuan Ji and Si Feng are very opposite characters, and not just because of the obvious difference in their personalities. Si Feng is a boy who feels too much (we later see that he gets his persistent sentimentality from his father), but was taught his whole life to suppress his emotions (I mean, the mask both literally and figuratively prevents him from emoting). Si Feng wants to express his feelings, but cannot. 

On the other hand, Xuan Ji is allowed to be as expressive as she wants, but she is empty on the inside. Xuan Ji represents everything Si Feng wants to be and is expected to be: free and emotionless. 

In this mortal incarnation, SF has responsibilities to everyone, from his spirit beast to his sect. Xuan Ji is the only one who doesn't ask or expect anything of him and yet, for someone who can't feel, she's always thinking of him. she stands up for him, she brings him snacks to comfort him when he’s being punished, she helps steal back his mother's hairpin. These are very simple gestures, but they mean the world to him (no one else has done these things for him before, and he doesn’t understand why she would unconditionally do these things for him), and that's why he's so quick to risk everything for her. Thus ironically, Si Feng actually learned about unconditional love from Xuan Ji. 

He’s never known love, warmth, or friendship in his lonely years growing up in the Lize Palace. And so, when you’re just a 16 year old awkward, hormonal, and introverted teenage boy, it’s easy to fall for a selfless girl who invades your personal space and has no sense of propriety. 

Why Xuan Ji fell for Si Feng

We see that her love is gradual. She falls in love with him without even realizing she’s fallen in love. She cares for him as a friend at first. After all, like she said, Si Feng is the first friend she’s made from outside her sect. But soon, her caring for him surpasses that of what she feels for her sect brothers. Si Feng teaches her about the world, from what different food tastes like, to naming colours. Si Feng doesn’t infantilize her like her sect brothers do. Her sect brothers are either dismissive or protective, like Ming yan, but she is able to find a proper confidant in Si Feng who is willing to be patient with her and listen to her. 

Their 4-year separation when they each undergo training and achieve a boost in their abilities, only made Xuan Ji’s heart grow fonder. She misses Si Feng, and is frustrated to see that things are different between them when they meet again. She doesn’t understand why he’s so cold and distant, and all she wants to do is close the distance between them. 

It’s a meme that Xuan Ji is the one who wears the pants in the relationship. She’s assertive and bold, and I think part of the reason why she fell for Si Feng is because he gives her that space to be best and biggest version of herself, whether in the heavenly realm or in the mortal realm. She’s also fascinated by him. A person outside of her sect who has an endearing personality unlike anyone else she’s seen. He piques her curiosity, and so she’s drawn to him. He’s as much as her romantic and sexual awakening as she is his. 

It’s apt that their ship name is the combination of their last names “Chu Yu”, which sounds similar to the words 初遇, which means “first encounter”. Not only is this drama about capturing the feelings of first love, but Si Feng and Xuan Ji have also had 10 different first encounters because of their 10 reincarnation tribulations. 

The Romance

It’s actually quite fun and endearing to watch because both Xuan Ji and Si Feng are playing hard to get, which frustrates the hell out of both of them. Xuan Ji is trying to win back Si Feng and convince him to stay, while Si Feng himself is trying to win Xuan Ji’s heart, and she doesn’t even realize it. They’re both trying to woo each other, but they’re both being resistant, intentionally and unintentionally. 

I have to admit, though, that the first few episodes were slow. 

There aren’t major sparks during the first meeting between the leads. She just falls out of the sky into his arms, and he’s flustered by her sudden appearance and clinginess. The love story didn’t feel “epic” during the the first 4 episodes because it didn’t feel like there were any stakes. These were just 2 young disciples from different sects who had a stereotypical meet-cute. It was like watching a high school coming-of-age romcom. 

Things start to get serious when Si feng is forced to wear the lover’s curse mask, meaning that he cannot love, or else every time he’s hurt by the one he loves, that mask will release a feather to his heart and he’ll feel unbearable pain. When all the feathers are released, he’ll die. This means that he has to stay away from Xuan Ji, but obviously, the drama can’t let that happen, so he’s constantly thrown into situations with her, he can’t stay away from her, and he ends up falling for her harder and harder against his will. 

Xuan Ji trusts Si Feng completely and unconditionally (until episodes 37-47 that is). She is willing to go against her father and sect in order to protect him. She’s willing to sacrifice herself to save him. She’s willing to go rogue with her powers for him. When no one else trusts him, she does. 

This makes Xuan Ji a very cathartic character to watch because she isn’t frustrating at all. She isn’t easily influenced and has her own views. She doesn’t share the same prejudiced views as the elder sect leaders. She is willing to disobey if it’s the right thing to do. She immediately clears up misunderstandings, like the one between her and Ming yan. We see her gradually become more mature through her increasing protectiveness over Si Feng. 

I think because we see this rational and loyal side of Xuan Ji, we’re able to have a higher tolerance for her ignorance and mistakes later in the drama (but only barely). 

The Reincarnations - What Does it Mean to Love a Soul?

Si Feng fell for Xuan Ji 10 times in the mortal world, not including the very first time he falls for her when they were immortals in the heavenly realm. 

I explained why I think Si Feng fell for Xuan Ji is this 10th reincarnation, but why did he fall for her in the past 9 lives? In the flashbacks, we see that in each life, Xuan Ji is cruel and heartless, and she still had the same unforgiving and ruthless demeanor as when she was the god of war. Is it because Si Feng’s soul is always going to be automatically attracted to Xuan Ji’s soul?

Because we only see brief glimpses of the past 9 lives (more specifically, we only see the ending of these lives), we don’t really know how they met or how Si Feng came to love her in each life. But, I would assume that there was something about Xuan Ji in each of her reincarnations that attracted her to Si Feng and completed him. Also, we know that Xuan Ji is capable of tenderness. As the god of war, she disliked fighting. As Mosha, she cared about Bailing. So, while Xuan Ji’s nature might be violent and cruel, I think that with each life, she learns about love and sincerity. If we assume that the flashbacks of the 9 lives are in order, then it would seem like Xuan Ji becomes more and more affected by Si Feng’s death with each successive lifetime. In the first life, she is completely indifferent to his beheading. but we see that she begins to become affected in the later lives, but tries to shove those emotions aside because they’re foreign and unfamiliar to her. 

We get even less context for how Si Feng might have fallen for the god of war in the heavenly realm. We only know that Si Feng was the Jade Emperor’s son, and only gained a celestial anamorphic form after 10, 000 years. His true form is the Golden-feathered bird. He’s always appearing by the god of war’s side to listen to her vent, but the god of war only sees him as a stray bird who comes by to visit occasionally. Why did he fall for her? Did he empathize with her loneliness? Maybe she was his only friend, like he was her only friend, but she didn’t even realize it. 

We also see that Si feng loves Xuan ji no matter who she is or what form she takes. Her gender doesn’t matter to him, and gender was never even an issue in the drama. The drama doesn’t give an explanation for why Bailing created a female body for the god of war (besides that he wanted to disguise Mosha’s appearance), but it also doesn’t matter. It’s a non-issue, and I love it. We just need to accept it, because the “why” isn’t important.

Xuan Ji has 3 different identities: The Star of Mosha (Luo Hou Ji Do), the god of war, and Xuan Ji the mortal. The god of war and Xuan Ji have the same “soul”, and that soul came from the glass of Mosha’s imprisonment lamp, and also from Mosha’s altered corporeal body. So, she is a part of Mosha, but has also become her own entity. 

To Si Feng, all 3 identities are Xuan Ji. The memories, emotions, and experiences of all the identities are what made Xuan Ji Xuan Ji, and so he loves all of them. 

But what made Xuan Ji finally crack so that she’s now able to love Si Feng in this 10th reincarnation? I think it has to do with her upbringing. We see in her previous 9 lives that she had a troubled upbringing filled with scheming and violence. So she was consumed by the darkest side of humanity and Si Feng couldn’t pull her out. But in this life, she grew up with an abundance of love, which made her want to learn how to love, which allowed her to open up to Si Feng. In this way, the drama shows that Si Feng alone isn’t enough to redeem her, but it took the love of her friends and family to help her grow a heart. 

The Angst

Okay. So. Si Feng has probably suffered more than any male lead in xianxia history. I think someone said that he has a martyr complex. But, I’d like to break down the type of angst that are present in dramas. 

There is angst that is harmless, and there is angst that is damaging to the relationship. 

Harmless angst is usually angst by external forces. Like parents who don’t allow their kids to be together. Like in AOL when Xufeng mistakenly thinks that Jin Mi might be his sister so he can’t be with her. In L&R, this kind of external angst happens when Si Feng mistakenly thinks that Xuan Ji likes her 6th sect brother Ming yan. Xuan Ji isn’t purposely hurting Si Feng, but it’s an unintentional misunderstanding. 

Damaging angst is when the couple turns against each other and become enemies. This happened when Jin Mi kills Xufeng and says she never loved him (which technically is true since her heart was re-sealed so she didn’t even understand what love was when she said it). In L&R, this happens Xuan Ji sides with her sect and attacks Si Feng when he reveals his demon form. This happens again when they confront each other outside the Lize Palace and she announces that she’s done with him and breaks ties with him. This happens again when she stabs him, says she regrets having ever known and loved him, and proceeds to try to stab him again. In Love and Redemption, Xuan Ji keeps saying hurtful things to him. There’s not just one moment of betrayal, but a constant onslaught of betrayals over 10 episodes that make the relationship feel like it’s entered a point of no return. 

The masochistic side of me likes love/hate relationships and damaging angst. I grew up with it. TVB dramas have a lot of it. My favourite is the angst in Raymond Lam and Charmain Sheh dramas like Drive of Life and Lethal Weapons of Love and Passion. But despite over 20 years of watching dramas, I was still not prepared for the pain and suffering in Love and Redemption. 

The good news is that they make up fairly quickly, though some may argue too quickly and easily. 

What I Enjoyed

Other xianxia romances usually only have 1 mortal reincarnation. This has 10 reincarnations (even if only shown briefly), and I love that. The leads have already had such a rich history together, but they don’t remember, and so the romance is about them falling in love all over again in this life, while also slowly remembering the love they had in their previous lifetimes. 

The world-building was also compelling, and the supporting characters were great. They were the voice of reason and talked sense into the main leads to help move the plot forward. I also liked how the ML and FL each had their own personal relationship with the supporting characters separate from each other. For instance, Ming yan has a childhood friendship with Xuan Ji, but he also develops his own friendship with Si Feng. Wu Ziqi was once Mosha’s helper, and also knew the god of war, but also forms his own friendship with Si Feng. Zi Hu is also friends with both Xuan Ji and Si Feng. Having separate friendships with the leads means that the supporting characters are unbiased. They’re not likely to help the ML more than the FL or vice versa, but they’re able to see both sides of things. They help the leads, but they’re also critical of them, and is therefore able to help the leads make rational decisions. It reminds me of the friendship dynamics in Avatar where the characters have unique relationships with each other. Like Toph has her own relationship dynamic with Sokka and Katara, which is different from Aang’s relationship dynamic with them. 

It goes without saying that Si Feng is the best part of the drama. He plays an emotionally repressed character, so it always feels like the heavens opened up when he smiles, and Xuan Ji seems to be the only one who can make him smile. SF's best moments are when he shows moments of vulnerability, like when he begs Xuan Ji not to cut ties with him, or when he's so happy to the point of disbelief and he's afraid of it being true that he begins to slightly quiver, like when he kept asking XJ if she was really the one who took off his mask. You can see him break down and not being able to contain his emotions and how much he’s desperately yearning for his love to be reciprocated. 

I like that the FL has the same personality throughout the drama. I'm always annoyed when the FL's personality takes a 360-degree turn when she has a sudden "awakening" when her past life memories come flooding back and she instantly matures and becomes jaded. In Love and Redemption, Xuan Ji stays her bubbly self, even when she’s burdened with responsibilities. Hell, even when she becomes a mother, she’s still aloof and playful. In episode 52 or so when she burns her leg and refuses to leave Si Feng’s house, she acts like a helpless little girl again. Si Feng tells her that such a small injury wouldn’t even faze someone as powerful as she is, but she reminds him that he once told her that even if she didn’t feel pain, her body would know the pain, and so she should always tell him when she’s hurt. I just like this throwback to the earlier episodes to show that while Xuan Ji has grown and matured, she’s still the same person who wants to be loved and pampered. 

Weaknesses of the Drama

Xuan Ji is a really multi-faceted and complex character (because of her villainous tendencies), but Crystal Yuan doesn’t completely deliver in all of her performances of the character. Crystal Yuan is great when she’s acting cute (though it reminds me a lot of Zhao Liying’s acting in Journey of Flower, even the voice actress is the same actress), but I feel like Crystal Yuan’s crying scenes are a little lacking. Also, Xuan Ji is a character who is often in moral and emotional conflict because she starts to feel emotions that she doesn’t understand since she’s never felt them before, but sometimes Crystal isn’t very convincing when trying to convey this internal conflict. For instance, in the scene when she thought Si Feng was getting married to Ah Lan, I thought that her devastation at seeing that should have been a bit more palpable. I mean, you finally found the love of your life after searching him for over a year and now he’s in front of you, about to get married to another woman. There should be more pain, anger, regret, disbelief, a battle of emotions unfolding on the face. There should have been more deflation, more staggering. I think back to when Tang Yan was watching Luo Jin get married to someone else in Princess Weiyoung, or when Jin Mi was watching Xufeng propose to Sui He in AOL, and the desperation and shock was subtle, but still so strong. You could feel the drop in your own stomach when sympathizing with the female character. 

I also obviously disliked how Xuan Ji didn’t believe Si Feng. But I would have understood why she didn’t believe him (even when he logically explained his innocence) since there are so many people pressuring her judgment, but what I can’t get over is how she had it in herself to physically hurt him. And she already hurt him before too, so she knows how much it pains her to hurt him. She already regretted the act before. But because she mistakenly thinks that he killed Hao Chen, she decides that she needs to kill him? Does Hao Chen mean that much to you that you’d be willing to sacrifice Si Feng in order to avenge him? That was my breaking point for her character. 

I didn’t like how Hao Chen’s arc was resolved. For 1000 years, he thought he was right and never had any regrets. He was obsessed with controlling his friend Mosha to the point of killing him and sealing his soul away. He then created another being, became possessive over that being to the point of falling in love with it (without admitting it), and then follows his creation down to the mortal world, and wrecks havoc on the mortals, especially Si Feng. And when Hao Chen learns that he can no longer control or redeem Xuan Ji, he decides that he needs to kill her in order to prevent Mosha from coming back. But then suddenly, because of a few words and visions from the Jade Emperor, he immediately has a change of heart and sees the error of his ways. It’s just so anti-climactic. Yuan Long’s ending was also underwhelming. I just wanted the good guys and bad guys to fight it out without divine intervention. 

While I sympathize with Si Feng and agree that it's like watching a puppy get kicked over and over again, he honestly gets jealous way too easily and is too insecure. He also keeps everything to himself and sucks at communicating. We blame Xuan Ji for being too quick at jumping to conclusions, but Si Feng also jumps to conclusions too and causes unnecessary pain for himself. 

Overall Impression

Overall, despite the frustrations, I really liked the consistency of the drama. It flows as one complete narrative and all the subplots are well intertwined with the main plot. With other reincarnation xianxia dramas, you could divide the story into distinct arcs, but it’s harder to do with this one since you have arcs that overlap and transcend other arcs. There’s the mask arc, the god of war arc, the reincarnation arc, the demon identity arc, the Mosha arc, etc. Before one arc is completed, another arc is introduced.

If you’re looking for a be-all-end-all, til the end of time and end of the world romance, this is it. While it has many similar tropes to other xianxias like AOL, I think this executes the tropes better. Although if you’ve already watched AOL or other xianxias, you might be more immune to the angst (even though this drama is angstier). But if you watch this drama first, I think it sets the bar pretty high for other xianxia dramas.

The chemistry and sexually tension is also through the roof (and the BTS will have you raising your eyebrows - are costars normally that flirty and touchy feely on set?)

So yes, this drama does live up to the hype. More meta posts to come because I’m still going through withdrawal. 

(Just checked the word count on this review, and it’s over 4700 words. I’m clearly an obsessed mess). 

Other meta posts:

Recurring details and motifs in Love and Redemption

Similarities to other stories in movies and literature

[shra-vasti]

Title : Guilty Pleasure

Pairing : Jeonghan x reader

Genre : angst and fluff, FWB

Warnings : cheating, mention of sex

Synopsis : The sun watches what you do but the moon knows all of your secrets.

A/N : Hey there. I hope you are having a great day. Enjoy the read. Thankyou <3

He was a bad news.

Jeonghan was like a drug you could never get rid of. He was addictive and his whole aura demanded attention. He had his own way with things.

Maybe that's why you never felt wrong while giving in into his desires.

There are all types of love in this world but never the same love twice.

You couldn't quite point when it all started or you have always been feeling this way towards each other but whatever that was it was overwhelming and magical.

You didn't love each other but you craved for each other. You both could never get each other out of your head that's how enticing you were for each other.

He wasn't ready to end it with his on and off again high school sweetheart and you couldn't bring yourself to commit to somebody just yet but you and Jeonghan have been going on for a year now and you couldn't understand how.

"You look great in my shirt."

Jeonghan was leaning against the door frame when he said that immediately making you turn towards him smiling.

"I think you have told me that."

You felt a pair of hands slip onto your waist and a chaste kiss being placed on your neck. He kissed you from the back of your ear to the junction of your neck and shoulders again going up towards your ear and biting it.

You sighed in content as you relaxed against him.

"You already have marked me enough stop it."

You remembered the last night incident when he came up to your apartment with drinks. You made dinner together enjoying each other's presence.

After the dinner he informed he would be staying the night leading you to have a short makeout session to which turn into a not so short intimate time.

You fucked all night having miss each other since his girlfriend was back in town due to holidays.

You couldn't meet each other since she was back and you could tell you missed him cause unlike him you had nobody to entertain when you were away form him.

You felt guilty about meeting Jeonghan behind her back since she was your friend too but that doesn't necessarily hide the fact that you and Jeonghan were infatuated with each other.

It was like a guilty pleasure for Jeonghan. Cheating isn't a good thing it's a crime when you betray the one whom you have given your heart and mind to and he knows that.

It was suppose to be a one time thing, he missed his girlfriend since she was away and some pieces of you reminding him of her and with you obliging with the hints he was giving at you led everything from one time to two and three till it continued to grow.

It was in his mind that if he was going to suffer the guilt he might as well enjoy the pleasure.

He made it very clear to you about his intentions. That he wasn't going to break up with his girl and you were quite hesitant at first but a little bit of his persuation was enough for you to agree.

He was everything but a commitment to you. You were traumatized by the idea of commitment. You wanted the idea of getting committed to be gradual one and not preplanned.

He told you that few of your traits reminded him of his girlfriend one night after your hot makeout session.

He never particularly liked the idea of talking about his girlfriend in your presence but he couldn't help.

You were so much similar yet so different than his girlfriend with whom he would get in argument every other day.

He always complimented you for being a good listener and a very good adviser. He would often stumble upon your number or doorstep whenever he faced any kind of problems.

You were his escape from his withering relationship with his girlfriend. A fresh air on his stained surrounding.

It wasn't much before that he started feeling you everywhere in him.

He always told you how much he liked the smell of your hairs or the taste of your mouth. The feeling of your skin seemed to have gotten inside of him or into the air all around him and before he could realize you had become his physical necessity.

You never met during day time as to not get caught by either of your friends. None of them knew about your secret relationship. So you two made a promise to always meet at night or in a place which you were sure none of your friends would stumble.

"I think I'm staying here for a while, I missed you too much." he sighed against your neck biting it softly.

"Jeonghan you can't do that what if my friends come over unexpectedly? We can't do that."

"I don't care. I'll hide away till they go I just don't want to be away from you for a while."

His voice was tensed as if he was feeling frustrated with the way you were behaving right now but were you wrong? No and that was the thing he hated the most at such times.

Jeonghan never made you feel like he was using you only for his sexual needs. No it was never that he just needed you for his sexual needs.

You were always there for him whenever he had a fight with his girlfriend. Heck you have even seen him cry cause he just couldn't stand his girlfriend anymore.

She loved him just like how he did but both of them just weren't the right pair for each other and none of them were ready to acknowledge that fact just yet.

And admist of all this you were by his side. Always leaning your shoulder for him to cry. You were the only person who had seen him cry that hard to be honest.

You always had a way with your words which managed to calm all of his worries down. You would silently listen to him and after that carefully explained to him where he was going wrong and what he should do with it.

Unlike his girlfriend who would constantly put the blame on him for their withering relationship instead of peacefully talking it out.

You indeed had some of her traits but you had every other thing inside you which he wanted his girlfriend to have.

It was not about the outer appearance. Both of you were beautiful in the most breathtaking way but you were understanding in nature.

You knew where he was coming from and he was way more open about his selfish side with you too just like how he wanted to be with his girlfriend but the thing was that she lacked understanding.

She was possessive and he didn't like to be bound. He wasn't ready to forget all of his past self just so he could be with her.

She never allowed him to talk with his old friends and tried to make him a part of her. But how can he abandoned his set of friends just so he could please her? Even though he loved her he couldn't bring himself to leave his friends behind who had his back when everything was crumpling down for him.

And you never really had any of that sort of restriction on him. Yes you guys weren't in the position to restrict yourself but he had spent enough time with you to recognize what type of person you are inside out and man he was intoxicated by you.

The love he felt for you was way different than what he felt for his girlfriend. He wanted you to be in his life forever and he didn't care if you were with him or not.

But then again he wanted you all to himself. You were so amazing that he hated the idea of someone else touching you the way he touched you or the way anyone else could make you moan just like he does.

You look absolutely ravishing at such moment that he couldn't help but come undone just at your sight.

He knew your body way more than anyone else does and he knows how to handle you unlike your ex boyfriend who decided to treat you like trash and forever inflicting a trauma of being committed to someone completely.

You had cried countless of time in front of him whenever out of the blue your ex boyfriend would show up to show that he still had power over you.

Jeonghan hated to see you so weak because for him you were stronger than him. He could never cope up with his problems without you like you do.

Both of you had developed quite a feeling for each other which you didn't want to let go. You both felt at ease in each other's presence like you could be you without the feeling of hurting the other's feelings but also acknowledging your own.

"Had a hard time with your girl again?" you asked as you swirled around pulling him closer and circling your arms around his neck.

He touched your forehead with his as he looked into your eyes and sighed circling his hands on your body and resting them lazily on your hips.

"I don't even want to call her my girlfriend truthfully. It's like we are holding onto something which doesn't exist."

He shook his head laughing bitterly. You ran your fingers through his head and you motioned him to continue.

"We got into just another series of argument. I just wanted to spend some good time with her since she was back and all she did was ignore me the whole time. She kept on meeting her friends and when it came to me we would meet but end up either getting third wheeled or in an argument."

He engulfed you into a hug, his shoulders shaking as he let out short whimpers. You stroke his head softly telling him its okay to cry and let it all out.

"Why can't she be like you?" he asked as he pulled himself away from you enough to see your face.

"Because she doesn't think like me." you simple said as he chuckled.

"Why can't she think like you? If she would have there was no need for me to come up to you looking for something which she clearly lacked. I just want a peaceful life is it too much to ask for?"

Your heart became heavy at that. You couldn't imagine your life without him now and you felt a pang in your heart at that. Maybe you were forgetting your place and this is just a reminder of why you can't have him.

"Why don't you just break up with her?"

"I have wasted too much of my time and energy on her, I can't do that."

"Your peace of mind is more important than your energy at this moment to be honest."

"I don't know."

"You always know Jeonghan, you just want everything but know that you can have everything."

You aren't sure if he will leave you and marry her or leave her to start a new life but you are sure that he is bound to get hurt and you were willing to wait for that moment so that you could show him what he did was right and that you were here for him.

Most of your heart wanted him to let go of her and get hurt as selfish and crooked as that sound. But it will be a lot better than him crying his eyes out like this every time.

You are always going to make sure he forgets his girlfriend as long as you are there in his presence. And that's the most important thing for now.

So without further due you tucked his arms as you lead him to your bedroom to make his head spin so much that the only thing he could hear and breathe was you and forget his girlfriend at least for now.

[nonsensicalobsessions]

A Ruff Day

Author’s Note:

@catsladen wrote: Congrats my dear on your followers! That is amazing and so well deserved! Here’s a conversation prompt I found that I think you can do magic with: Person A: Why are you doing that? Person B: Doing what? Person A:Treating me like a person I picture either Tom or Loki, but I leave that up to you 😊 No smut necessary. Some fluff/angst mixture would be nice (Fangst? Anuff?) Thank you lovely!

After I wrote about having my lovely followers, Life came around and bit me, in the ass, hard. I was left with a large set of dentition marks and a massive infection known as “depression” in its wake. I say this because I know I’ve pretty much fallen off the face of Tumblr, and I am still clawing my way back. I do not have it nearly as bad as some, but I have it bad enough, and I will leave it at that.

When the events that I write about next happened in real life, I could not stop thinking about them, having worked in a veterinary hospital for three memorable years, and I ran the events through my head, over and over. I could see the events as they could have played out...might have played out...most probably played out in some aspects...and then this plot took root, and would not let go.

So, I apologize, @catsladen, for this is not the most original piece that I have ever come up with...in fact, it is derivative, and some may see it as a cheap rip off on a very real event. Still, it will not let me go, and as such, here it is. I present to you, A Ruff Day.

Working on federal holiday weekends in an emergency vet hospital always either dragged, or were so busy I could neither eat nor pee. Today seemed to be the former, and I was grateful for it. The techs were scattered around doing their busy work, while I closed myself in my office, tossing an oversized tennis ball in the air and catching it as I balanced on the back legs of a chair. I’ve done all my charting, there are no patients for me to check on. The last one through the door was a bulldog that came too close to a honeybee, and his already bulbous face swelled grotesquely. A shot of antihistamine, a script of Benadryl, then he and owner went off, right as rain. The airway was never compromised, all’s well that ends well...except for the bee, of course.

Kellie Ashe, one of the techs, came racing into the office without knocking, breathless. “You will no ever guess what is going on at intake!”

I jumped up, grabbing my stethoscope and mask (Thank you COVID) as I glared at her, “What is it and where is your mask?” The laws were quite clear, and stringent on this, and she had no mask on...and what was that twit doing? Brushing her hair and putting on eye makeup, what...? “Kellie! Focus! What is happening? Is it a hit and run, a delivery presenting badly...dog or cat...” I swear this girl has the brain of a flea...

“Tom Hiddleston is here with his dog!”

I look at her blankly. Nothing registered with me except one word—dog. “Kellie, what is wrong with the animal?” I asked, rushing to turn on the lights in the OR, making sure the X-ray machines were on and warmed up, the ultrasound is also on, and proceeding to the exam rooms, turning the lights on in one.

“It’s my turn to be the assisting tech so I ran back here to make sure you knew, it’s my turn not Claire’s, so I get to be the one in the room with you and Tom...”

I stop and freeze her with a glare. “Kellie, I don’t know what in the hell you’re blabbering about, but so far you have given me no information that has been useful to me. Therefore, there is no reason for you to be anywhere around me, the patient, or the owner. You can wait in the back.”

“What? But no...! I’m the one that ran back to tell you, I’m the one that should get to be in the....”

“If you were concerned with the animal you’d be there right now, but no, you were more interested in putting on mascara for chrissakes...get in the treatment room, I don’t even want to see you right now!”

I came to the front area to see a tall man, obviously the owner, who was obviously in a great deal of distress. “I don’t know how many he had..maybe one? It could have been two? And I don’t know if he chewed them, or swallowed them whole...” His voice was muffled by the mask we kept on hand to give to owners as they came in without masks, as they usually did, upset and stressed. Bright flowers covered the lower half of his face, but as I looked at his bright blue eyes, I finally understood what got Kellie in such a tizzy, and why there was an element of suppressed excitement that our usual emergency walk ins did not produce.

Next to him was a calmer woman, who was filling out some of the paperwork, and occasionally passing it to him to sign or for more information. “Tom, I really think it was only the one, and this is a bit over the top. One raisin isn’t worth all this...”

“A raisin, did you say?” My attention was now completely trained on the sad eyed chocolate spaniel at the feet of Claire Peyton, one of the calmest and best techs we had. She had already gotten a temperature and a weight from the little fellow, and was gently guiding the dog and owner into an exam room, while Liz, the receptionist, was explaining to the woman with the clipboard she could not follow us in because of the current COVID restrictions we were under. Only the owner was allowed in the exam room, because of the laws about remaining so many feet apart...and the worst part was, we couldn’t even allow her to wait in the interior waiting room, but she was welcome to stay on the screened porch we were using at the moment. She wasn’t thrilled, but she was accepting.

I quietly introduced myself. “Hi, I’m Dr. Diana Harris, and I’ll be helping...” “Bobby,” the man said quietly. “This is my...Bobby.”

“Okay Bobby, come here and let me look at you, you scoundrel...stealing raisins, are we? When did this happen, Dad?”

“Tom,” he said, distracted. “About ten minutes ago...maybe twenty. I saw that he was snuffling around the plate, and all the biscuits were gone...so were the little cheese squares...and there had been five raisins before, I am sure of it, and when I picked everything up, I only saw four...”

“Very precise,” I noted mildly as I listened to Bobby’s heart and lungs, which were both within normal limits, and made a hand motion for Claire to make a note of it.

“What’s that, that hand signal, what did that mean?” Oh, wow. Tom is very, very upset.

“It’s a signal I’ve developed with my techs to let them know that the patient’s heart and lungs are fine without having to take the time to say it, Tom,” I reply, keeping my life low and mild. The owner’s agitation is passing along to the little spaniel, who is looking around and panting.

“He keeps doing that, he’s panting and looking upset, is he in pain?”

“Claire, liquid charcoal according to weight please,” I murmur, and she promptly replied, “On it,” and she excused herself to open the door...only to find Kellie standing there, clearly eavesdropping. The look I gave Kellie had her scampering...but oh, it will not be far enough. Luckily, Tom did not notice.

“Okay, Tom, here’s how it stands.” I leaned against the exam table, Bobby quivering in Tom’s arms. “You did exactly the right thing bringing Bobby here, and so quickly. Raisins are extremely toxic to dogs, and the fact you got him here so fast really speaks to how much you care about this little guy...so give yourself some credit...”

“I told her...I told her I didn’t want them around where he could get to them...the Bobster is a bit of a food thief,” he muttered.

“Ok, so you’re telling me he’s a dog,” I drily replied. “Anyway, we’re going to take care of this issue right now. I’m going to take Bobby to the back and...”

“Oh no, can’t I go with him?”

Somehow, I saw this being his response. “Tom, we are going to give him some liquid charcoal. It looks like black sludge and it tastes like garbage. He isn’t going to want to take it so we are going to administer it in a way that he will have no choice but to swallow it, but there will most likely be some spluttering. This stuff is a bear and a half to get out of clothes so you do not want to be within spitting radius...and then this little charmkins, after he gives us a horrible stink eye, is going to proceed to vomit, probably in the messiest manner possible, just for spite and revenge, and I don’t blame him one bit. Again, you do not want to be in range! Then depending on what he gives me back, we can go from there. So no, I think it best you stay here...you can wait with your girlfriend, if you want, and I will be right back when I have something to tell you. I promise we aren’t going to hurt him, but we have to get this out, right away.”

“Right, right...don’t waste time talking to me...I’ll just...sit here, if that’s okay.” 

“As you wish, Tom.”

I took the leash from his hand gently. His hands were so cold, I felt pity for him. “I’ll take good care of him, I promise,” I said, and left him standing there, bereft.

Bobby walked with me well enough, and I took him to the treatment area to find Claire had already drawn up the appropriate amount. She quickly got the dog in the appropriate position, and I propped his mouth open carefully and quickly administer the liquid yuck and then closed my hand over his muzzle, blowing softly to stimulate the swallowing reflex. His eyes bulged at the foul concoction, and I tenderly explained,”Ah, such are the wages of sin, my dear thief...and it tastes like ass. Down the hatch...” He swallowed, and I gave Claire the unspoken head nod to release him and step back, which she did...as did I...and Bobby, outraged at this poor treatment, proceeded to sputter and spit like a world champion. Black froth went everywhere, and I couldn’t help but laugh at his outraged expression. “Yes Bobby, that’s right. But I’m sorry, it’s going to get much worse before it gets better...”

After a few minutes, he aggrieved expression turned into the anxious canine smile that presaged a good vomiting session, which was exactly what we wanted. I let him pace about in a small area, until finally he let nature take its course and released the contents of his stomach. Ah, joy, what every veterinarian struggled and sweat blood for, the contents of a dog’s stomach...or a cat, we’re not picky...and hey, I’ll take that over shit, any day...

“Good boy, there’s a good boy,” I soothed him as he retched. He was as miserable as you’d expect, and I kept smoothing my hand over his heaving flanks. I didn’t care about my shoes, they were already black, and just for this reason. Soon I saw a lone offender, and I called for a pair of tweezers to pluck it from the mess and place it on a paper towel. Claire was also consoling the sad little fellow, who was, I hope, reconsidering his evil ways, as I then took a tongue depressor and poked through everything he so woefully bestowed upon us. Yep, cheese...chewed up crackers...mmm, that sausage looked like it was probably expensive...but no other raisins. Just the one. Plus, it hadn’t been chewed, either, excellent! Best of all, it was caught up in all this other stuff. Perfect. Couldn’t ask for better, really.

“Kellie!” I called out. When she didn’t appear right away, my heart sank and my anxiety rose. She wasn’t...she didn’t...

“Hold the leash,” I barked and walked swiftly back to the exam room, and sure enough, I heard her syrupy tones inside...I saw red.

I opened the door carefully, to find her talking to Tom who was standing in almost a corner while she was yapping away. I must have had a look on my face like an avenging goddess, because she immediately began stammering, “I just thought...I could stay and keep Tom company...while you were working with Bobby...”

“Stop thinking, Kellie, it only gets you into more trouble, and it probably strains the gerbils,” I replied softly. “I have a job for you. In the back treatment area. Where I told you to be. Go there. Now.”

She turned towards Tom and said, “So, um...”

“NOW.”

She jumped and scuttled away like a crab facing a boiling pot. Oh, sister...

Tom was blushing and looking at his feet. “It happens all the time. Please don’t be too angry with her...how is Bobby?”

“Bobby is doing excellently and is a trooper. I will be back with you in just a moment. Just...give me a second.”

I flew to the back to find Kellie cowering in a corner. I took a deep breath, and spoke very, very quietly. “You are on such thin ice with me that if you so much as open your mouth, the displaced oxygen pressure will crack the ice and you. Will. Drown. Now. You are going to clean up all of this lovely mess to a surgical grade sterility. I will want to perform open heart surgery on this floor when you are finished. Are we quite clear? Nod if you understand me, Kellie, because you are on such. Thin. Ice.”

Kellie looked around here with dismay. It really was a disgusting mess, and she knew I was going to get down on my hands and knees and inspect the wretched baseboards before all was said and done. I was that pissed.

Claire asked quietly as we walked away, “What do you want from me?”

“I don’t think he absorbed anything. Tom acted too fast, the raisin wasn’t in any way chewed or showing signs of digestion, and it was mixed up with everything else. But pull blood for a CBC-SMAC so we can have a baseline for his kidney values just in case. Better safe than sorry. And then clean up this sad little urchin. I hope you understand now, young man, that crime does not pay...” He looked positively desolate, with his muzzle coated in the foul substance he had to drink and then give back. Activated charcoal really is the worst.

“I’ll make him presentable again. Back in a few.”

I took a deep breath and went to apologize to Tom. Oh, this was going to be fun...

I found him pacing the tiny room, looking at the posters instructing about heartworm prevention and feline leukemia vaccines. “Tom, I really must apologize...”

“No, you don’t. She’s young. It happens all the time,” he tried to brush it off.

“Not when I’m in this hospital, it doesn’t. I’d already given her explicit instructions because she was star-struck, and I will not have it. When someone comes in our door, I don’t care who is on the end of the leash, or holding the carrier. It is irrelevant. What matters is the animal. I give the same treatment and quality of care to the cat from the post office as...well...”

“The dog of some poncy actor,” he concluded wryly.

“Hey, I kinda like some of that poncy actor’s work, so less of that,” I griped, as I blushed and rubbed my forehead, mainly to hide my embarrassment. “Bobby came through wonderfully, and you were right, it was only one raisin...and some crackers, cheese, and what looked like some tasty cold cuts as well. What is great is the raisin wasn’t bitten into or showing any signs of digestion, and as it was caught up in his other ill gotten gains, I think it is safe to say he really got lucky...that, and the fact you acted so quickly. Normally, we’d be talking about having to administer fluids, and have him stay at least overnight to make sure his kidneys were not showing any adverse effects...yes, it is that serious. Especially for a little fellow of Bobby’s size. But he should be fine. I want you to make sure he has access to lots of water. I am having a full blood panel pulled to get a baseline of his kidney values now but that is really just a precaution for when you bring him back to his regular veterinarian...”

“You can’t see him again? He hasn’t needed a vet since we’ve arrived, and I never anticipated having to stay as long as we have...but what if he gets sick, or needs his vaccines updated, can’t we come back here...?”

“Tom, this is an emergency vet hospital, I’m only here on the off hours. My clinic is...well, not here,” I floundered.

“May I have your card, then? I’d really like for you to keep overseeing him...continuity of care, you know,” he trailed off.

“Uh, sure...” I fished one out of my lab coat pocket and gave him one. He looked at it and said, “What should I be looking for, what if he starts getting ill again?”

“Tom, I really don’t think...”

“I can bring him back here, I suppose, I just want to know what symptoms...you said kidney damage...”

“Tom, kidney damage isn’t something you can readily observe...”

“But what if he starts getting that look again, and starts pacing, maybe he’s in pain and can’t tell me...”

“Tom.” He stopped rambling and I held my hand out for my card. Like a child, he held it to his chest. “No, please, I’ll stop...”

“Just give me the damn card, will ya?” I all but yanked it out of his hand, and wrote something on the back. “That is my private cell number. Do not call it, ever! I hate phone calls! Text me. I promise I will lose the cell number you send it from. If you have any questions you can send me video or photos or whatever. Text me...whenever. But keep in mind he picks up on your cues and if you are nervous, he gets nervous. If you are excited, he gets excited.”

He looked at it incredulously, and before he could protest, I waved it off. “Just don’t...I did the same thing for Mr. Puddles.”

“Mr. Puddles,” he repeated dumbly.

“The post office cat...urinary tract infection...anyway.”

Those bright blue eyes stopped staring at the floor impaled me, and said abruptly, “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Treating me like a person.”

I looked at him steadily and replied, “Because to me, that’s what you are...you’re Bobby’s person. And...well, I know you probably weren’t supposed to stay here this long. You most likely want to go home, be with your family, what is familiar, and god knows what you are living in, some hotel or something suitably sterile...Right now, we all want to hold onto our loved ones a little bit tighter, a little bit closer. I can tell that for you, that’s Bobby. You love him a lot, and take great care of him, even to taking him to an emergency vet on a holiday weekend when the weather is gorgeous and your girlfriend says maybe you could just stay home.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Huh?” Such was my elegant reply.

“No, she’s wonderful, and we’re very close, but it’s not...we’re not...”

I hold my hands up in the air. “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain anything to me...”

 “No I just, erm...”

We spent time admiring the floor when Claire came back, with Bobby cleaned and even faintly smelling of grooming spray, as well as being freshly brushed. 

“Bobby!” Tom cried out, and even though I could not see his smile, I could hear it in the real joy in his voice. Bobby wriggled his behind and danced as he all but leapt into his master’s...excuse me, person’s arms.

“Well, that should settle everything,” I smiled.

“Just a moment.”

I looked up at Tom, confused. He sounded almost stern.

“I think Bobby and I could use some photographs to commemorate the great care that he received here...for our scrapbook.”

“Scrapbook? Really, Tom?”

“Instagram,” he immediately amended.

The buzz that went through the building, I swear was palpable. Of course, I even allowed Kellie to get in the photo, because I am not that bad...and if her scrubs were stained with dog vomit, well, you couldn’t really see. Much. And of course we all had to keep our masks on, so I personally thought it was the dumbest idea I’d heard in a long time, but I wasn’t going to go against the idea. I might have found three of my tires slashed and my favorite coffee mug broken, if I had...and I really like that mug, plus tires are not cheap.

Everyone took their photos, hugged Bobby, gave Tom an elbow bump, and he, Bobby and Not-Girlfriend went on their way...then I went back to my office, made sure everything was documented, and went back to my oversized tennis ball.

I thought everything was over. I could not help was smiling, despite myself. Not too shabby of a way to spend a holiday weekend, making a movie star dog’s throw up...this is why I went through all those years of school, I laughed at myself as I sat down with my frozen pizza and lemonade. I even made a bag of popcorn.

Then, at about ten o’clock, my phone buzzed. I picked it up, expecting it to be my mother, who sometimes forgot about this thing called “time zones” since she moved to Arizona...

Instead, there was a photo of a happy, smiling man, without a mask, and his happy, smiling dog. A text read, “To my favorite doc: Thanks again for helping me. Telling dad all about how the wages of sin taste like ass.”

I winced. I had no idea he’d overheard that.

So I sent a photo back of me. Without my mask, or makeup, or getting a hairdo, because in front of me was the best makeup job ever—my Corgi, Cheeks.

The attached text said, “Stop licking it then...and she says you are very welcome. I don’t know what you did, bro...but check your balls.”

The phone buzzed yet again, this time without a photo, “Thanks a LOT. Now I’m really in trouble...! TH”

“Sorry. Cheeks is still sore over that one. It happened about two months ago and he is still telling the world what a horrible human I am. DH”

“Bobby wants to know...perhaps Cheeks would like to get acquainted and play sometime soon? The dog park close to your clinic looks promising.”

“Cheeks thinks that would be amazing. He is still very much a puppy and has a lot of energy to burn. He’d love a friend to tear around with instead of trying to wrap his leash around my ankles.”

“Maybe...we could have some coffee while they wear each other out?”

“That sounds like a fantastic plan.”

“Could we say...9:00 Wednesday morning?”

“Yes, I’d like that. I’ll be the half asleep one with the hyperactive pooch, I won’t have hours until one o’clock that afternoon.”

“I’ll be the tall one...wearing a mask that is not covered with flowers.”

I laughed out loud.

“I think we will find each other well enough.”

There was a brief pause, and then, “Yes, I think we have. Goodnight, Cheeks, and Diana.” 

“Goodnight, Bobby and Tom...it’s been a ruff day.”

“...I can’t believe you said that.” 

“XD woof.”

Tagging all my littermates: @catsladen, @villainousshakespeare, @winterisakiller, @vodka-and-some-sass, @yespolkadotkitty, @just-the-hiddles, @hopelessromanticspoonie, @theheartofpenelope, @sabine-leo, @wegingerangelica, @ciaodarknessmyheart, @wrathkitty, @rhemasky, @sourpatchkidsandacokecan, @redfoxwritesstuff, @the-insomniac-cat2, @alexakeyloveloki, @myoxisbroken​, @toomanystoriessolittletime​, @ladyfluff, @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi​

[merlinholidays]

Guide: Creating Prompts

Sign ups are going up soon and that means it’s time to fill in your likes and make your prompts. For some of us, the idea of making those prompts is a daunting thing, and maybe it’s sometimes tempting to just leave it blank.

But prompts are important for your gifter! So they can:

Understand you better

Find inspiration

Create something for you that you will enjoy

Even if it doesn’t matter to you what you receive, remember that a good set of prompts will give your gifter inspiration and drive to create! Think of it as a gift of sorts to the person who is paired with you!

For this reason, we’ve made a little guide to remind you of different types of prompts you can use. We hope it might give you some inspiration! We have split it into writing prompts and art prompts, since the two can be quite different.

Writing Prompts

There are many ways you can create writing prompts, and different writers like different things, but we have collected some tips/ideas for you:

Keep it short-ish:

Some people find it difficult to work with very long and detailed prompts. If the prompt outlines the whole story, it often feels very restrictive and allows no room for creativity. It’s more inspiring if your prompt leaves room for the writer to mix their own ideas with yours to interpret your prompt in a creative way. Try to create a prompt that acts as a guide rather than a complete story outline.

The One Word Prompt:

A simple solution, but a classic: the one word prompt. It’s simple and sometimes very effective and the gifter can easily combine it with another prompt if they want to. It can be:

Something sensory (like a color, a smell, etc)

Time-related (a season, a weekday, a certain time)

Interesting and uncommon words, or words from foreign languages

One thing to avoid can be extremely general words like “Christmas”. Instead, pick something about Christmas that invokes a more specific response, such as “mistletoe”, or “carolling” or “candles”.

The Poetry or Song Lyric Prompt:

Include a passage from your favorite poem or song lyric as an inspiration for a prompt, or link to the whole poem/song!

The Image Prompt:

One that we don’t see used as much anymore but image prompts are a great way to add variation to your prompts, and for many, the visual aspect triggers ideas. Maybe you can find an image that represents a mood you would enjoy, for example.

The Scenario Prompt:

Give a scenario that says something about a setting, a possible conflict, character traits, etc. How much info you include is obviously up to you.

Example:

Arthur and Merlin meet in the elevator at a hotel. When they exit it, everything has changed.

Morgana is tired of her city life and moves to a cabin in the woods to write a book. Enter Gwen.

The Trope Prompt:

Another tried and true staple is the trope prompt! Giving a trope or collection of tropes you like is a great jumping off point. Fake relationship with a side of hurt/comfort? Slow burn enemies to lovers? Was there only one bed?

Combine with a scenario to create a more specific prompt!

Variations:

Sometimes listing variations or further examples can spark more ideas. If you want a fic about dragons, you could include different versions of what that fic might look like.

Example:

I would love a fic about dragons! Maybe pet dragons are common. Or dragons suddenly return to the modern world after having been gone for hundreds of years. Maybe dragons are an extension of the magic user like daemons in His Dark Materials.

Art Prompts

Artists are unsurprisingly visual creatures, but sometimes it’s difficult to come up with prompts that are aimed specifically at inspiring an artist. Art is often a single image that captures a moment, and a lot of writing prompts that outline a story idea make it hard for an artist to pinpoint that moment. Here are some ideas for writing inspiring art prompts for those of you who are nominating art as a gift you would enjoy receiving. 

The one word prompt works for art as well, just look at Inktober! Something as simple as “mermaids” or “wings” works well for art when used in concert with your favourite character, ship and preferred rating.

A strong visual idea is always good when you would love to receive a specific image, especially when paired with some context. Your artist can easily work with a prompt such as your favourite pair cuddling on Christmas morning, a feeling of happiness, forehead kisses and opened gifts, whereas an open non-specific prompt like “Christmas morning” doesn’t give your artist much to go on.

Open but contextual prompts are great for art when you don’t have a specific idea. Telling your artist that you would prefer art in a modern AU setting always helps to set the scene. If you add “meet-cute” to a flower-shop AU, your artist has a moment or a scene to work with. If you say that you want to see a missing scene from your favourite episode, your artist could come up with a canon-age visual you’ve been craving. Or perhaps you’ve always wanted to see your faves in a certain movie AU? Your artist could transform their appearance for your Yule treat.

Giving your artist the option to illustrate for one of your fics could also be a great way to inspire a piece of art. It should be a fic they can easily access and that isn’t too long, which they can read and get on with making a piece of art for you. It shouldn’t be anything that has already received fanart or that has been a part of a big bang or collaboration with an artist, so your gifter doesn’t feel like they’re competing with anyone. You could specify which stories you’d like to see art for, or give your artist free rein to explore your works and find something they’d be interested in illustrating.

Tropey prompts can also work well but it’s good to give your artist some guidance or context. Prompts such as “hurt/comfort” or “angst” are too open by themselves, but can work very well to inspire art of an intense moment when paired with some keywords like “animal/creature attack” or “post-battle bathing”, “being carried” or “huddling for warmth”. Prompts such as “fluff” or “first time” are also ambiguous, but paired with keywords like “ugly Christmas sweaters” or “teaching to ice-skate”,  “frantic kisses” or “sex by the fireplace” can make all the difference to an artist searching for a visual flavor you would enjoy.

Poems and song-lyrics can work for artists, but can also be very open to interpretation and aimed at conveying a feeling rather than an image. Instead, you could write a short piece of prose or dialogue to inspire your artist.

Example:

“Sleep. I’ll keep you safe,” - conveys the visual of someone standing guard over their sleeping or injured companion.

“There are leaves in your hair, let me get those for you,” - conveys a fluffy moment or hair touching and blushy, shy smiles.

Mix it up:

This year we’re asking you to write at least 5 prompts to give your gifter plenty to work with and to choose from. As mentioned, different creators like different things so our best tip is to mix up different types of prompts. That way, it’s more likely that something will jump out at your gifter!

[too-many-baes]

The Life of a Hunter: Part 2

Part One: [x]

Pairing: fem!reader x Dean Winchester

Warning(s): kidnapping, blood, mentions of death, angst, fluff

Word Count: 4.5K

Request: OMFG Part two of the life of a hunter please! - by @jessicas-underground

A/N: Here it is, I hope the sequel lives up to the wait! Please tell me how you liked it!

Masterlist     Requests Open

                                                       **************

Days turn into weeks, and weeks fade into forgettable months. You push yourself to make it through each day, weighed down by memories and ghosts of a life you used to live. Ever since you’d left life was dull. Colours seemed black and white, whenever you heard a rock song you had the overwhelming compulsion to turn off the radio or block your ears. Life post-Dean was difficult, far more than it ever was before him. You were sure you used to have hobbies and friends but now everything felt empty, enjoyments of past long forgotten.

You had seen a job vacancy at the small library of an in-between town you were drifting through and decided to stop and apply, and there you’d stayed since. The work was easy with next to no one ever checking anything out. At least if nothing else you had a routine now. Library, diner, home. Day in and day out you stuck to that routine, desperately clinging to the normalcy you’d managed to instil.

It’s a dull day, like all the others before. You stand in the never browsed medical section, taking each book off and dusting the shelves. Anything to keep you busy. The faint ding of the doorbell marking someone’s entrance chimed but you paid it no mind, picking up a large armful of books to bring to the counter for inspection.

A collision so hard you almost drop all your books stops you in your path as two large hands reach out to steady you.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going”, you look up at the tall man before you and any words he had left to say completely vanished, “Y/N?” You can’t help a smile spreading over your face.

“Sam, what are you doing here?” You couldn’t believe the chances of seeing a familiar face in your small town, but you welcomed it. He looks around to check for other people, of which you knew there were none, before placing your books down for you and dragging you to a corner.

“We’re tracking a Rugaru and we’re pretty sure that it stopped here.” You raise your eyebrows in disbelief to which he solemnly nods at you. You think you can recall seeing something about dead bodies a couple of towns over but in your zombie-like stupor you had paid it no mind. “In this little town? Why would it stop here?” “It’s an inconspicuous place, seems a lot of drifters pass through, easy way to get some people maybe no one will miss.” You nod along with his sentence, trying hard not to focus on how much his brief description sounded like you. “Anyway, what are you doing here?” You shrug at his question before motioning back over to the desk that holds your discarded books. “I work here now…” You say, your sentence trailing off out of embarrassment. You didn’t mind small town life when alone, but now being confronted with someone you knew the reality of how you’ve been living comes crashing into you. You see no judgement in his eyes though as he nods at you. “So this is where you’ve been the whole time, huh?” His question glinting with humour makes you want to recoil into yourself at the allusion to when you left. “Yea pretty much.” You say looking around the small, familiar space.

After a long awkward silence that neither of you know how to fill Sam clears his throat. “I should get going, Dean’s waiting for me at th-” “Dean?” You barely get the name out past your restricted throat, not even realising you’d interrupted him in the process. In your excitement at seeing Sam you had momentarily forgotten that it meant the other Winchester wouldn’t be far behind him. Your palms become sweaty and your head spins like a carousel. “He’s here?” Sam nods, knowing you knew the answer before you asked.

“You know, he’s really been missing you Y/N.” That’s all it takes for you to be done, what was initially a happy encounter turned sour in an instant. “It was really nice seeing you Sam.” You collect your stack of books, making to return them to their shelf, having forgotten what you got them down for. You hear his feet shuffling but refuse to look at him again. “We’re staying at the motel a block over. If you wanted to know”, he says dejectedly before the bell above the door signals his exit and a chance for you to calm yourself. You’d only seen Sam and your heart was racing, making the idea of bumping into Dean almost unimaginable. You would have to keep your head down the next few days, maybe even call in sick lest Sam should tell Dean where you work.

The day goes by in a blur, but much more of a scattered one than usual with you dropping things and forgetting the tasks you’d set out to do. You were the last one left and had to lock up for the day, stumbling through procedure and heading home. You felt like a drink. You felt like getting so drunk that you’d pass out and forget the whole day ever happened, but the chances of Dean being at the only bar in town were too high to risk that.

As you’re walking down the back street you take to your little rented cottage you feel like eyes are following your every move. You shake it off as residual paranoia and continue until the sound of someone else’s echoing footsteps stop you in your tracks. The world is silent again, the whistles of the crisp breeze the only thing that catches your ears.  Geez, you think as you set off again, seeing Sam really rattled you.

Just as you’d convinced yourself of this a large, strong arm grabs you around your torso as a hand clamps a rag over your mouth. You try to yell out as you writhe and jerk in an attempt to escape but no sound makes it past and you’re unable to loosen your assailant’s grip. Your vision gets blurry and you lose consciousness to the sound of someone shushing you far too close to your ear.

The smell of rust and moss fill your nostrils as the sound of jangling chains and the slow steady drip of water drifts through your ears. You can’t see straight at first but as the black edges disappear from your vision you see you’re in a cave. You scrunch your eyebrows having no idea where you could be, your town having no caves that you were aware of. In saying that, you could hardly say you’d ever been exploring.

“Hey, are you awake?” The question surprises you as you were unaware of there being anyone else in the dank space. You try to turn around and become painfully aware that your arms are suspended above you, the rusty chains biting your skin as you manage to step around enough to face the voice. You vaguely recognize the girl also suspended, her name tag reading ‘Jaycee’ telling you she works at the diner.

“What the fuck is going on?” She spits out, frustratingly tugging on her restraints, a grimace plastered on her face.

“I have no idea”, you say, looking around for any clues on your location or how to get out. “I was on my way home and I got jumped, didn’t even see his face.”

“I was throwing out trash behind work, I didn’t see him either.” Both of you in the same predicament, you try and do all you can to escape, none of either of your attempts coming to fruition.

Echoing footsteps halt both of your actions and quicken your heart beat. You’re not sure what you were expecting but the ordinary looking man in the maroon button down certainly wasn’t it. If you couldn’t tell there were blood stains coating the front of his shirt and pants you never would have given him a second glance.

“Awake I see”, he says, a sinister smirk spread out enough to see his blood stained teeth, “this is going to be fun.” He claps his hands together, rubbing them maniacally.

“Look, if it’s money you want I don’t have any. If you just let me go I won’t tell anyone, I swear!” You don’t bother echoing Jaycee’s pleas, your time with the Winchesters teaching you that this was no ordinary man in front of you and money was most certainly not what he was after. Her eyes are frantic, looking over at you in confusion at your calm exterior. Make no mistake, your pulse was racing so fast that had the chains cut your skin you’re sure you would have bled out. You know your situation is futile. You can only assume that this is the Rugaru Sam had mentioned but even if you’d had silver bullets or magic knives you wouldn’t have known which to use. You wanted to cry and scream and plead like Jaycee, but you refuse to give the creature before you the satisfaction.

“BE QUIET!” His scream makes the both of you jolt, stopping Jaycee’s ramblings instantly. “Much better.” He takes slow calculated steps around both of you, examining you inch by inch before standing in front of you both and tapping his fingers against his chin. “I simply can’t decide which of you to eat first.” He steps towards Jaycee, grabbing a lock of her blonde hair. She jerks her face away, refusing to look at him. “Do I be good and start with the main course?” He then walks over to you, squeezing your cheeks between his thumb and fingers, shifting your head from side to side. “Or do I go straight for dessert?”

Jaycee begins her vocal onslaught again, yelling and cursing, screaming at the top of her lungs for help. He looks over at her then back to you, tsk-ing and releasing your cheeks. “Well you are just too fucking annoying, aren’t you?” He saunters to in front of Jaycee, making his face level with hers. She takes the chance to spit at him, “Fuck you creep.” He sniggers humourlessly at this as he runs his hand over his face. “That does it.” His jaw opens revealing a huge set of gnarled vicious teeth. This time it’s your turn to yell. You scream out of fear for the girl beside you when two loud gun shots sound, the creature jerking as each bullet landed in his back.

“Hey ugly, over here!” An animalistic snarl shoots from the beings throat as he spins around and takes off down the dark bend away from view. “Did he get you?” Jaycee shakes her head at you, quelling worries that she might turn into one even though you’re not sure whether that’s possible. More shots can be heard, the sound ricocheting into your space, then hurried footsteps rapidly approaching. It’s too much for you. You turn your body away and squeeze your eyes shut so as not to face the approaching form.

“Is everyone okay in here?” That voice. You’d recognize it anywhere. Gruff and low, yet capable of being soft and full of sentiment. You barely hear Jaycee speak before the rattling of her chains break you from your honey voice induced coma. You look up just as she wraps him in a desperate hug, reluctantly releasing him as he pulls away to free you. He begins walking over when he looks up and falters. You feel ridiculous. You were able to maintain outward composure in the face of life threatening danger, yet one look from the eyes you’ve been missing for months is enough to make you come undone. Tears spring forth and, try as you might, not a sound can make it past your throat.

“Y/N?” Tears slide down your cheeks as your name passed his lips. Mistaking your tears for something else he rushes in front of you, placing his calloused hands on your cheeks as he scans your face and then quickly your body. “Are you hurt? Did he bite you?” His voice is stern yet laced with an urgent kind of worry. “Did he bite you?” He repeats, firmer this time as his prior question failed to get a response. You shake your head at him, giving him the kick he needed to take you down from your hanging position, you rubbing your wrists as soon as they’re free.

There’s a hundred things Dean wants to do in this moment, ninety-nine of them involving you and only you. He has more pressing matters though, and as the terrified Jaycee latches onto his arm, he extends his free hand to you. You take it without question, “Let’s get you girls outta here.”

The tunnels are long and dark, every small sound eliciting yelps from Dean’s leech. He lets her cling to him, using every chance he gets to look at you through his peripheral vision, watching how you’re silent yet scared, and how your hand shakes in his.

As you round a corner that leads to the light outside, the beastly human rounds the bend, shortly followed by Sam holding something in his hands. “GET DOWN.” Dean seems to know what’s coming as he grabs Jaycee and you, laying on the ground so his body is atop yours, his hands holding either of your heads down.

Heat fans over top of you, the stench of burning flesh filling the air as the Rugaru lets out a howling screech. Silence and a smouldering corpse replaces the space that the creature had charged into. Dean stands, Jaycee rising with him still latched to his arm. He extends a hand out to you which you ignore this time, standing up of your own volition and dusting yourself off. “You’re bleeding.” You raise your hand to where he had motioned on your forehead and sure enough it comes away red. “I’ll fix it at home.”

Sam swoops in and sets everything into motion, ensuring Jaycee’s secrecy and helping Dean to dispose of the body. Against her pouts and hinting, it is Sam that escorts a rather disappointed Jaycee home after she slips her number to Dean on a bit of paper. He had half-heartedly accepted it, glancing at you as he had to find a face barren of emotion. You had left him, it would be selfish of you to show you cared, even though you wanted to slap the bit of paper out of his hands.  You had wanted to walk home but Dean had insisted he drive you. You accepted in silence, the car ride being much the same. You hated to admit it but it felt good being back inside the impala. The leather and musk calming your heart that had yet to stop its rapid drilling. When he pulled up to your little cottage he got out of the car as you did. “What are you doing?” You asked as he stood at your front door, presumptuously waiting to be let in.

“Your cut needs bandaged. I know you well enough to know if I don’t do it for you it ain’t getting done.” He looks nonchalant as you open the door, not being able to argue with his sound logic. You wordlessly fetch your first aid kit for a waiting Dean. This was transactional, nothing more. The sooner he got it done the sooner he’d leave taking your gnawing guilt along with him, or so you hoped. Dean sits square in the middle of your two seater couch so you opt for sitting on the ottoman in front of him.

“This is gonna sting”, he says hovering an alcohol soaked cotton ball over your skin. “Just do it.” He presses it down, a hiss passing your lips as he continues to disinfect it. “Sweet wee place you got here, very homey”, he says without a drop of sincerity in his voice, getting a new pad and going over the area once more with clean cotton. You don’t answer, you don’t even look at his face, your eyes firmly fixed upon the carpet. “Much homier than Bobby’s, I’ll give you that.” Your already intense guilt heightens at his obvious jab. Wherever this is going you’re not sure you like it. He begins placing a bandage over your cut, not stopping his bitter tirade, “yeah you know, I could really see you settling down here. Marry the boring librarian and have a couple white bread kids”, he finishes up your cut and forcefully shuts your kit of supplies, “all you’re missing is the white picket fence.”

“Dean stop.” It’s only a whisper, but it’s all your guilt can muster. He’s angry, he has every right to be. You left him out of the blue, and now he’s found you living some small town life that stank of giving up, something he knew you’d never wanted to do.

“Fuck”, he says to himself out of frustration, standing and walking into your small kitchen space connected to the lounge to put distance between the two of you. His breaths sound laboured from how loud they are, a tell-tale sign that he’s trying to calm down. Your back is to him as you speak, “Maybe now isn’t the best time for this, I think we both need some rest.”

You glance over your shoulder to see his hands are placed on your counter, his head hung between his arms. He lifts his head to look at you as he speaks, “Can you honestly tell me if I left here now that I’d be able to find you tomorrow?” You break his knowing eye contact, facing back to the wall. He doesn’t need an answer, he knows that you’d hide from him until he left town. He huffs and takes slow, drawn out steps until he is sitting on the couch before you once more. His eyes steady and unflinching on your face, making you wring your hands together, focusing on your own movement rather than his piercing gaze.

“Y/N.” Your eyes stay on your hands. This time he reaches out one hand, placing it over the both of yours to still your movements. “I think the least you can do is look at me.” You break, raising your eyes to meet his, knowing that you’d regret it later. His eyes have always had power over you, calming you when necessary, pulling a laugh out of you when you needed it, and even making you forgive him before you wanted to. Now, meeting his green powerful eyes that pierced into your own, you were afraid they’d have the power to pull unspoken regrets from your head.

“You should go”, you whisper, not breaking eye contact. “If that’s really what you want ask me again. I’ll walk out that door and you’ll never see me again.” You want to tell him to leave, to stick to the resolve you’d mustered all those months ago. “Is that what you want?” Yes. You shake your head no in direct opposition with what your head was telling you, a smile flickering briefly on his lips.

He separates your hands with his own, lacing your fingers together. “Are you happy here, Y/N?” You want to be convincing, you want to lie through your teeth. Yet you shake your head no once more, your heart well and truly having hold over you. You can’t lie to that knowing gaze. “I haven’t been since I left.” Fuck. He’d gotten you to admit to something you hadn’t even admitted to yourself just by holding your hand and looking at you. It’s a wonder you ever had the strength to leave him.

“I left for a reason, Dean. Those reasons still stand.” His grip gets tighter on yours. “Do they have to?” You shake your hand free of his, standing up and slowly pacing, locking your fingers together and pressing them against your forehead. “Why’d you have to find me Dean?” You wonder out loud. “I was doing fine, I was getting on with my life-”

“Were you Y/N?” He questions from his still seated position, his tone accusatory. “Because from what Sam told me you’re wasting your days in some shit hole library in this podunk town. That doesn’t sound much like living to me.” You press the heels of your palms into your eye sockets briefly before meeting his powerful stare. He felt sorry for you, beside his anger and frustration. You can tell by the way his eyebrows are notched downwards along with the corner of his mouth.

Your silence encourages him to his feet, hesitantly walking towards you as if you were a flighty deer in a forest. “Do you know how scared I was when I saw you in that cave today?” His voice is quiet, his proximity close. “I couldn’t calm down until I got you outta there.” He’s studying you, trying to gauge your reaction as he speaks, “but it didn’t make me want to run”, he says in reference to your actions prior. He tentatively reaches out to grasp your limply hanging hand in his own, taking it as encouragement when you don’t instantly recoil, “it made me want to hold you, and never let go.”

“What if you’d lost me?” You speak your own fear as a question to him. “I would never get over it.” You nod along, feeling as though your point had been proved. “But I would never forgive myself if I hadn’t been there, if I hadn’t tried.” You know he’s right. If you’d heard news that something had happened to Dean while you were separated you’d be just as broken as if you were with him.

“Shouldn’t we be together despite the danger, not apart because of it?” He takes small steps, you mirroring his actions until your back is against the wall, Dean directly in front of you. His face inches closer until your noses are almost touching. “Y/N I lov-”

“Don’t say it”, you say in an urgent whisper. If he does nothing will be the same. The fact you’d left the four letter word unspoken helped you leave. If he says it now you don’t know where that leaves you. “Why shouldn’t I?” His words are calm, his eyes flicking between your lips and your eyes. You simply shake your head, your resolve already weakened by his hand in yours and the memory of his lips urging you to feel that sensation once more.

“I love you.” He barely finishes his sentence before you close the space between you, your lips hungrily moving against his. He reacts immediately, pressing his body against yours, trapping you between him and the wall. “I love you, I love you so much.” He repeats that all consuming word as he desperately kisses all of your skin he can reach. Along your jaw, down your neck, and back up to look at your face. You realize as he nudges his nose against yours gently that you’d started to cry for the second time today, overcome with the emotions you’d been holding down and trying your best to discard.

“I love you too.” Your shared declaration brings his lips to yours again. This time his hands grip the back of your thighs as he tells you to jump. You wrap your legs around his waist as he carries you into the bedroom, laying you beneath him on the duvet. Your touch is eager and desperate, both of you never wanting the others hands to leave each other’s skin. Both of your moans and cries sing out into the night, mixed with repeated ‘I love you’s’ that neither of you could hold back.

You lie on your stomach, your face resting on your arms and head facing Dean as you both allow time for your breathing and heart rates to settle. He’s lying on his side, head resting on his fist as his other hand is preoccupied with lightly tracing the curve of your bare back and the notches of your spine. “Y/N?” You hum in response, opening your previously closed eyelids to gaze upon the face of the bare chested man before you.

“I’m leaving town tomorrow.” His sentence ends in an upwards inclination, suggesting a question even though he had spoken none. You lift your head and placed your fist under it so you had a better view. “Where are you going?” You speak, your voice worse for wear. “Back to Bobby’s”, he answers without hesitation, “we need to regroup before finding a new case.” You nod along with him.

“Come with me”, he says, a hopeful kind of longing in his voice, “come back home Y/N.” If you’d held any inclination to decline his request the way he’d called it ‘home’ would have instantly quashed it. A lazy grin crosses your lips, nodding your head and whispering a ‘yes’ before catching his lips with your own. To anyone else this may have seemed a rash decision, an abrupt change of heart. The truth of the matter? You were never sure you’d made the right decision, every day you’d been away making you question it more and more. You’d already left him once, and now that he was back there was no way you’d be able to do it again.

You lay in each other’s arms, kept warm by your bodies. Dean falls asleep quickly, yet you feel incapable of tearing your eyes away from the man who had you wrapped tightly against him, stunned that you no longer needed to cling to snapshots of his face that lived in your head. You had the real thing in front of you once more, making the confused daze you’d been living in disappear.

Sam is silently thrilled the next day when you pack your bags into the impala, showing it by wordlessly allowing you to have the front seat. Being next to Dean in the impala for so long feels like a dream you’d wake from at any second so you have your fingers laced with his the whole ride to tether you to your reality. Bobby seems happy to see you unpacking your bags. Being a man of few words with you he says almost nothing, yet you catch him looking at Dean with that small smile on his face that says everything his voice doesn’t.

You can barely detach yourselves from each other that night, sitting on his lap on the couch, his arms around you as you cooked, and neither of you able to resist dancing to the old rock tunes that you’d been ignoring for months. Life makes sense again, music makes you smile and colours have meaning. This is how life is supposed to be, you think, straight forward, embracing things as they come and being with the one you love.

Worry still niggled at the back of your mind, but that’s a small price to pay. Fear would no longer keep you apart, you would never let it rear its ugly head again. Dean was right, you should be together despite the troubles of his lifestyle. You’d never have forgiven yourself had something happened to him without you there, but that was a thought you’d never again have to consider. You were back where you belonged, at Singer’s Auto with the man you loved. And you were there to stay this time.

                                                      ***************

Tagging: @hobby27 @sasbb23 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @a-dorky-book-keeper @musiclovinchic93

[brightsun-and-darkmidnight]

Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder

TITLE: Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 31 / ?

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-dark midnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki falling in love with a Midgardian and his words to Thor about Jane during Dark World coming back to haunt him. “It would be a heartbeat. You would never be ready.”

RATING:  M for Mature

NOTES/WARNINGS: ~▪︎~FOR THE WHOLE STORY~▪︎~

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Check Masterlist. It's going to be a long read. I try to keep each chapter around 3,000 words.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

!-!TRIGGER WARNING(S)!-!

So many triggers, read ALL of them!

Swearing. Angst. Death. Depression. Violence. Self-harm. Regret. Carelessness for safety. Doubts. Torture. NSFW. Smut. Fluff. And Of Course- Mischief.

Summary: Recovery and Discovery

~ ~ ENJOY ~ ~

Everyone followed Eir. Alicia was drawing, her hand slowed and Emma observed the image. Then held it out. Loki grabbed it immediately. Alicia held Marcibeth as Luit approached, the smirk on his face was the trademark of his teasing. Edward was in the background.

Alicia stared at the wall as if she was going to melt it.

Loki went to Alicia's side and she blinked, "I feel like… like I should know something. Like the knowledge gives me confidence but I'm just unsure about something."

Loki stroked her hair, "everything is going to be alright."

Alicia was handed the vision and she glared at it, "I swear I am so over those people." Emma took the drawing and eased her back onto the bed. Loki helped Emma make sure Alicia stayed covered as she searched the room, "where is Marci?"

Emma pushed Alicia down with a single hand pushing on her chest, "She was escorted out. She had you in the cuffs for roughly an hour and went so far as to lock the entry points." Alicia tried to get free but Emma easily kept her hand there, "Alicia you are lucky. I still don't understand HOW you managed to be alert when we came in."

Alicia's eyes locked on her hand that was trying to pry Emma's off. Loki recognized the thumb ring as one he bought her for more casual days. Alicia explained Marcibeth put a spell on it and it helped. Loki locked eyes with Emma and Eir.

Eir casually asked, "what was the spell?"

Alicia gave up on trying to sit up and rolled her wrists with grimaces, "I don't know. She whispered to the ring and her handwriting is terrible so I couldn't read it." Alicia was staring at her ring, "she is my sister and whatever it was, it helped."

Loki held his hand out and asked to examine the ring. Loki let his Seder examine the spell and it was definitely a spell from Luit's family. Despite the uneasy feeling in his stomach, Loki smiled and gently ran his thumb over the ring, "your sister cares about you. It is a protection spell. Keep it on."

Eir commanded, "Alicia you should try to rest more, there are people here to help you order some food. Emma will tend to your pains. We will be back in a few moments."

It was quiet on the way to a meeting room. Only their footsteps were heard among everyone. Still no one said a word until the door was closed and after everyone sat down within the meeting room for after medical procedures.

Loki pointed to the recent drawing, "Asgard. Join. Ship. That is what the other healers said. There are no ships here. She is never going to join Luit."

Valkyrie asked, "Well how is this her worst vision?"

"Do not forget anything can change now that she has her vision in her dreams." Eir closed her eyes with a frustrated sigh as she paused looking through a book, "Emma has found information on this. Just be quiet."

Loki clenched his teeth, closed his eyes and pinched the skin on his wrist. How could her sister do that, to force Loki to break the cuffs. Alicia's wrists had mild damage but even with her wrists healed there was still pain. At Least, Loki did not have to worry about Marcibeth and those damn cuffs that were damaged beyond use. They were a Midgardian version, similar to Luit.

Loki was pulled out of his thoughts noticing Eir's voice and observed how her finger went over the script. "Some witches are able to affect the future, the moments after the worst vision... Usually only trapped inside the witch's dreams and only the contracted healer can see them - if that is the case the vision will change in the Witch's mind to some degrees. It can also be the witch's eyes have been lost and they use their visions to see. Present visions once eyesight is lost can result in the witch changing the future to varying degrees. All of this information was already recorded, it is why Emma was able to tell us the vision is in her dreams."

Loki studied the writing in one style of handwriting. Emma's hand writing, "How was that information recorded?"

Eir turned to the next pages with different handwriting stained with blood, "intelligent healers."

Jane eyes the page and visibly paled. "Those people died?"

Thor looked at Jane then Eir…

Eir closed the book, "Healers sign a special contract with the Oracle to let the future play out as naturally as possible. If a healer gives any knowledge as to what the worst vision is, they are forced to keep the secrets. It is thanks to the sacrifices we know more about witches and visions."

A silence lingered in the air. Loki thanked all healers before this moment for their sacrifice. 

After the moment of silence everyone agreed not to ask Emma about a thing. Eir found another little snippet that only healers could see the visions and was guarded by the contract even in their mind, a courtesy by the Oracle. 

Eir quickly asked, "Loki, what was the spell on that ring?"

Loki closed his eyes briefly, "It is a protection spell, an enchantment. It heals magic, to slow the flow. It is Luit's special protection spell from his touch, but the wearer can not use magic against the caster."

Jane exaggerated the roll of her wrist, "so it is a trap?"

Loki's hands fisted, "Exactly. I suspect Marcibeth is some sort of descendant of Luit. Only his family's blood can use it. Which might be the Asgard part of this vision."

Thor growled, "and she is out, Norns know where. We can't question her."

Valkyrie spoke up, "well, let's hope Marcibeth has no bad intentions."

Eir was getting other books on bloodlines, "we need to figure out both of their ancestors. I hope we have the documentation of her ancestors information. We will get her tested and have the specialists look at this." Eir pushed the book aside after a quick look. "Alicia is in Emma's hands…"

Thor put his hands on the table, "Yeah well...Let's hope she keeps her safe." Thor's eye met Loki's, "to be the reason royalty dies is punishable in extreme measures."

Eir stood and put the books back on the shelf, "I am sure Emma will do nothing to make Alicia weak. Successful healers know what their witch needs and Emma has proven herself repeatedly that she is studying hard." Eir's lips pulled into a small smile… "Emma is stubborn, resourceful, and careful… Alicia is headstrong and an extraordinarily hard worker. They work well together by pushing the other to new levels." Eir's eyes lifted and her back straightened, "I am going to see how Alicia is doing. Elders are already on the way to see the soulforge."

Eir walked out after excusing herself. Loki followed and again, they said nothing to each other. Eir and Loki went to the healing rooms.

"Alicia I swear on the NORNS! -If you do not rest, I will restrain you."

"I am going to talk about my mission request. Emma move."

Loki's eyes shifted between the two then to Eir as she told Alicia to rest. Alicia groaned but sat on the bed. Alicia asked for a spell book then. Emma denied the request but turned the TV on. Emma held Alicia's hands and the glowing gold flowed into her wrists. When the flow stopped Emma turned and muttered about Alicia's stubbornness then at the door she turned quickly and told her to stay in bed.

Alicia rolled her eyes as Loki sat in a chair by the bed.

Alicia muttered, "This is a cursed tower."

Loki smiled brushing hair back, "How about a little vacation?"

Alicia snorted, "Emma would make a serious attempt at both of our deaths. I also put in the mission request."

Loki clenched his jaw and closed his eyes so he would not glare. He felt soft fingers and the light scratches of her nails. Eyes opened to see her wincing then Loki held her elbows and leaned back. He told her to relax, she made him a deal to get the team together and have a video conference. He told her to not give Emma anymore trouble.

She smirked, "I will."

Loki told Emma to have fun on the way out. The team was already heading to Alicia's room. Emma was arguing about Alicia trying to heal herself. Alicia threw her hands in the air and tried to hide the pain with a grit of teeth. Emma chided her about pain and how there was a healing schedule for her due to her magic getting back in order.

Emma's finger pointed at the stubborn woman, "Alicia I will put you to sleep."

"Am I too difficult for you?"

Emma kept her mouth shut as she laughed. "As soon as your little meeting is over you are eating and going to sleep."

"Yes, mom."

Emma's throat rumbled as she walked past the team.

Alicia smiled at the team and asked when they were going on the mission. Tony informed her that they would be going without her. Peter knew the room he was in during the ambush and they will search it for an entrance. Alicia protested but Steve said it was Eir's restrictions for the next week. Peter apologized but Alicia stayed silent as she stared at her hands.

"It's ok."

Emma came back with a soup, bread, and smoothie. Alicia groaned like some child but Emma told her if she ate all of the she could have some fish-without Asgardian herbs. Alicia ate with a pout. Everyone knew Alicia hated missing out on missions, especially considering her father. Loki stayed when everyone left.

"You don't need to stay. It is boring as hell here."

Loki took the spoon of of her hand, "I see you struggling. You need to rest your hands." Loki smiled holding a spoonful up to her mouth, "sooner you heal the sooner you get out of this bed. Good girl." Loki saw how Alicia smiled after she took the whole offering in her mouth. As he fed her she held his eyes, sucked on his fingers each time he gave her a piece of bread that was dipped in the broth. Loki chuckled as he offered the last bit of smoothie to her. He saved a few pieces of bread to cover the taste. As she was sucking on his fingers after the last piece Emma cleared her throat.

"I am glad to see you are resting because I fully expected you two to be taking advantage of being alone." Emma said loudly to keep Alicia quiet, "ANYWAY. I had some food brought here. Enough for Loki and a little bit of fish for you as well. Thor and a few Asgardians will be here soon...so keep behaving." Emma pointed her fingers between the two, sent a mother's warning glare before walking out.

Loki fed Alicia some of his own food after she ate all of her fish. They ate together as Alicia said she felt odd as she could eat so much. Admitting to not eating anything before this moment but it was like she was replenishing magic. Loki had a feeling it was similar to when he needed the extra energy after a day of too much Seder use. Everything about her changes in eating made sense, noticing how she usually only had a few bites when they first met and how she ate plates more once she started training with Emma 

Eir, Thor, Emma, and Elders came in. Alicia was put back on the soulforge and the elders examined the information. Alicia laid still and silent as they went through the information. Loki noticed how Alicia was emotionless through the whole thing. Her face was pale, blank and her eyes were dull.

An elder woman spoke up, "I am sure there are no mistakes but we will get her to the one in Asgard soon enough for a better image." The image disappeared and the woman smiled at Alicia as she helped her up, "we will see each other again."

Loki let Emma guide Alicia back to her room. Alicia seemed to be in a daze as Emma gave permission for Loki to stay. Loki sat beside the bed and held her hand.

When she finally spoke it was monotone as if she was undecided on how to react,  "I don't understand." Then she laughed, "how could I? Neither of my parents said a thing. None of my family did." She looked at Loki and he saw the tears threatening to spill, "I grew up surrounded by family until my vision." She turned her head towards the ceiling and kept her eyes open, "everyone left once I drew things that happened later on." The tears fell as she gripped Loki's hand, "everyone leaves."

"Well Love.. you are stuck with me. Till the end of our lives."

Her nostrils flared as she exhaled quickly with a grim smile, "we didn't have that official ceremony."

"Alicia you are the only one for me." Then her eyes met his and his heart broke at how ragged the battlefield of her mind was. He smiled, "we kind of told the King… So it is basically Official."

Alicia rolled her eyes with a smile. The last few tears fell as she replied, "perhaps you are the one stuck with me."

Loki wiped the tear trails away, "blessed. I am blessed with you." Loki kissed her forehead "go to bed Love before Emma decides to remove me." When Loki tried to sit in the chair Alicia tried to pull him but winced. Loki eased her hands away "I do not want to hurt you, this chair is actually quite comfortable." Loki felt her shield behind him and pushed him closer, "love, you need to sleep. To rest."

"I will, but I need someone to hold me. I doubt Emma is going to volunteer.."

The shield disappeared and Loki sighed, "as soon as you are asleep I will move to that chair."

Well… when Alicia woke up Loki was still asleep. She smiled with a whisper, "God of Lies.." 

Alicia laid still and watched some boring TV news. The door opened and Loki's grumble as he rolled away from her had both Alicia and Emma sharing amused faces. Alicia felt the bed shift as Loki stood up. He went to the window and tried to stifle a yawn.

Emma held her hands out and Alicia displayed hers. The sensation was soothing and took the ache and sting away for a little. Emma helped Alicia sit up moved the table to Alicia and watched Alicia take the medication before she left. Alicia's pain eased little by little as the medication took effect. 

Alicia took her own fork while Loki ate his own food. He eyed her but she claimed she would be fine. There were stabs of pain as she moved her wrists or even moved her fingers wrong. But the pain that had her gasp were surges of magic. There was a loud yell for help as Alicia clutched her chest.

The food table moved away as she was eased backwards. Tears pricked her eyes as she tried to breathe but it felt like her body was filled with something that constricted her air. She felt Seder working around her chest but she was hyperventilating from fear. She heard Emma telling her to breathe slowly, to focus on that only. Alicia tried but her heart felt like it was going to collapse on itself which had her breath caught in her throat. Her mind was racing but no thoughts other than breathing were present. Her body was becoming numb from the amount of pain coursing through her. 

Emma's hands were cupping her face as she stood at the head of the bed. Alicia's mind relaxed, she couldn't think of anything other than the darkness. The calm, silent, and still darkness. Emma forced her mind to it's safe space from everything. The space she went to block out everything.

Everything was getting fuzzy and bright. Alicia let the vision happen.

Alicia watched many scenes play in her mind.

Marcibeth got Marcus out of a place and she gave him to some of the Avengers. Luit and Edward in custody. Alicia rushing to find her sister… then she felt terrible as she seen her fight her own sister. Then Marcibeth going with Edward and Luit on a ship.

Alicia felt her mind being forced from those thoughts and she did not feel as much physical pain. However, the visions were too fast and it felt like they weren't in order.

A family and challenges.

Seeing other worlds and new beings

Extreme pain form years of torture. 

Alicia's child in her arms then a future with no children at all. 

Alicia's funeral.. other funerals.

Happiness.

Loki's face worried. They were in some sort of, building? Alicia knew they would be alright but left Loki to worry.

Death.

A silhouette of a large figure.

Darkness enveloped her in a comforting embrace. There were so many possibilities. Good, bad..a mixture.

A soft murmuring in the room. Alicia opened her eyes. Eir was talking to others. Alicia felt puffs of air on her head, the feeling was welcomed due to the coolness but it smelt weird. Her eyes met Emma's exhaustion with eyes threatening to close. 

Emma panted, "You are so ridiculously… challenging."

"Sorry?"

Emma laughed with big breaths as she stood with the help of others.

Eir stood over Alicia, "your body was going into your worst vision but your mind could not keep up. It could be a result of being in the cuffs too long. Do you remember what you could see.. feel?"

Alicia bit her lip then rolled it out of the grasp of her teeth. "I'm not sure. There were… so many ways it turned out."

Eir nodded, "maybe another time." Eir glanced at Emma slumped in the chair, "probably not soon though."

Alicia observed no one helping her, "help her."

Eir gave Alicia a serious look that was worse than Emma's, "It is best to leave her rest on her own."

Eir stepped back and the other healers went outside.

[permian-tropos]

The Last Jedi and Immersion

Forget the specific arguments about why people disliked TLJ for a minute. For every argument, you can point to another plot element in another SW film that does much the same. Eventually I’ve just heard people say, “it just made me feel awful, what can I say, how can I like a movie that made me feel awful? I couldn’t engage with it. Obviously all these problems I have with it are problems with the film.” Seems pretty legit. 

Overall, People who hate TLJ seem unable to suspend disbelief. It’s “not their Star Wars”. But I don’t think this isn’t a problem coming from the facts about what happens in the plot, to the characters (since so many things that people disliked are things people have suspended disbelief for in other circumstances). I think this is something caused by the overall aesthetic tone of the film.

This could mean the film has bad acting, bad cinematography, bad editing, and so on, and I’ve seen people try to argue that. But only Star Wars fans have tried to argue this in large numbers. Bad filmmaking should be apparent to anyone with a background in film studies or film appreciation. But this is a movie that mainstream and independent critics generally had a good reaction too. It was also a movie that got good reactions from the general audience. Not everyone has a Rotten Tomatoes account, but polls of audience members as they were leaving theaters gave it something like an 89% approval rating, iirc. So… what the heck. How can only Star Wars fans be experts on film?

They’re not — but they’re something like experts on Star Wars film. Star Wars is their (our?) standard for what a good Star Wars movie is. This is even more specific than judging a movie by its genre — for a space opera film, The Last Jedi is really freaking good (sorry that’s just blatantly true). But it’s not being judged as space opera.

There are elements to the genre “Star Wars” that are highly specific and I don’t even think that’s a bad thing. I’m a big Star Trek fan, and I’m not a fan of things using the Star Trek property that don’t keep to its genre. Because I think it’s a good genre. But I think TLJ does something really funky clever with a foundational aspect of the Star Wars genre. I think it’s a good movie because it evokes reactions that are not all positive and are also not unintended. It’s a cunning little bastard. 

Punch it, Chewie, let’s do more of this hardcore meta shit:

Star Wars is supposed to be inviting you in. It’s an immersive experience. The fact that it’s full of all this aesthetic detail, the reason why things like the cantina scene are so iconic, is because it doesn’t just serve to move the characters’ arcs along, or the plot. It introduces you to a setting that could be explored from a lot of angles. It’s a place you could imagine experiencing for yourself. That’s why I think the prequels have been rehabilitated after all these years — because they’re full of settings with details that spark the imagination. And one thing I think people felt disappointed by with TLJ is that it is very tight and sparse with its settings. Even when it comes to its parallel movie, Empire, this is distinct. In Empire, the settings are not just places where things happen, but they’re locations where you know tons of other things happened you never saw. The Hoth base was built and manned by tons of Rebels. Dagobah might not be settled, but it’s full of weird alien creatures you just know are lurking somewhere in the swamp. Bespin is a whole city. And even isolated asteroids might have giant worms in them. Now, Empire got mixed reception when it came out. And it’s also a lot more sparing with its settings. If you think about all the other movies (ie. come up with examples for yourself this is already too long), they’re far more inviting. They tantalize you with things that aren’t really conveying plot, or are maybe overcomplicated or weird, but that you’re happy to have the protagonists interact with because it’s just a cool place. You want to imagine having your own adventure there.

But TLJ has locations that are intensely focused on the plot purpose they serve — Ahch-To is a small island with just a few residents, the Resistance fleet is claustrophobic and dwindling, Crait is visually similar to Hoth but it’s not a fully manned base, it’s abandoned, and once its broken down equipment is used, it’s abandoned again. Snoke doesn’t have a whole castle to lurk in, he’s got a minimalist throne room on a big ship, and those Imperial/Order vessels can spark some imagination, but they have kind of repetitive architecture, and everyone dresses the same. They don’t feel as big as they are. The only location that has that kind of expansiveness is Canto Bight, and the movie deliberately denies you the wonder and excitement you’re usually supposed to have. Finn is in awe of all this ostentatious wealth, and Rose immediately shuts that down. Even the fact that they get busted by the po-po for parking wrong is so exclusionary. You’re not allowed to enjoy this, first of all it’s full of evil rich fuckos, second of all you’re not welcome here, you’re riffraff and you’ll be spotted instantly. The only people we can project onto for our own adventures are — and this is VERY VERY INTENTIONAL please remember this for later — the slave kids.

The Last Jedi is not being willfully ignorant about what people enjoy in their Star Wars. It’s paring down that feeling of adventure on purpose. Everything is bare and small and contained. You don’t have a place to slide your original Star Wars character in. You can’t join up. You are excluded. If you want be Luke’s padawan, too bad, his academy is gone and you never even saw much of it besides a burning building. And he hides on this tiny island until Rey comes along, and shortly after, he dies. If you want to be playing the craps table at Canto Bight, too bad, they’re all gross oligarchs, there aren’t even any familiar aliens in the crowd, and none of the patrons of the city get any characterization. Only DJ, and he’s deeply underwhelming and ordinary, like he wandered in from the wrong movie. If you want to be with the First Order, too bad, they all look like asshole chumps. They don’t get to look cool in this one, unlike in TFA, where Hux’s super fascist speech and the enormous scale of Starkiller Base were at least sort of thrillingly evil. I had First Order OCs after I saw TFA. I imagined them on SKB in this remote sector, having fascinating adventures. There was room for them. Not anymore! If you want to be with the Resistance in TLJ — too bad! Most of them die! You don’t want to be on one of those ships, as they’re being blown out of the void. There are so few people left at the end of the film that they all fit inside the Falcon. And you know you’re not on the Falcon with them. A lot of people were instinctively, deeply perturbed by how many Resistance members died, the fact that it’s just a few people left. And you know what, I wouldn’t be surprised if a big factor in this is because it doesn’t feel like Star Wars. Star Wars has always had settings and organizations and factions that you can imagine immersing yourself in, that’s kind of its biggest appeal. But this movie doesn’t let you in.

THAT’S FUCKING BRILLANT

What would you say is the central conflict the main characters from TFA goes through in this movie? — they struggle to feel like they belong. And by main characters, I mean Rey and Finn. Rey and Finn were the main characters that in TFA we got to journey alongside as they faced strange new worlds and people. They are the outsiders to this universe. Rey never left the barren Jakku until TFA. Finn had never left the confining, dehumanizing ranks of the First Order. We wanted to see more of the galaxy through their eyes.

But in TLJ, Rey struggles to feel like she has a place in this universe, and makes some bad decisions while pursuing a heroic destiny. And Finn doesn’t feel at home with the Resistance; he only wants to find Rey, and then later save the fleet so that Rey can return safely.

The fact that the movie conveys that feeling of not belonging, of being locked out, of being an outsider, of not having a place in it all, by subverting the most common Star Wars experience of feeling included and swept up in the magic, is REALLY REALLY AMAZING. People feel horrible from this film, they feel like it betrayed them, they feel like it isn’t Their Star Wars, they feel like they’ve been shut out. And that’s incredible, because it’s exactly the angst that the characters were enduring. It puts you through what they went through. You have to feel that alienation. And people who loved Rey and Finn are not less invested in those characters after the film. They’re really fucking invested, that’s why they’re super pissed that it felt like Rey and Finn weren’t treated right. The movie didn’t kill people’s investment. It heightened it deeply — and that was a negative emotion! It felt awful! And it was a deeply powerful aesthetic experience. Which is good art. 

But remember the fact that the only people you can project onto are the Canto Bight slave kids? They’re the only group that is vaguely defined enough that you could imagine being a kid and being one of them.

Why do you think, having painfully restricted you, the viewer, to this one tiny group, the movie ends on them? Why does it end showing these kids retelling the events of the film with cute handmade toys in a language you don’t understand, so you can imagine them saying anything? Why does it end with one of the kids walking out onto a shallow incline pointing up at the stars, like the slope of the opening crawl of Star Wars, call his broom with the Force, and wistfully watching a ship jump into lightspeed?

The Last Jedi shuts you out the whole way through until that final scene. You aren’t invited to join, just as the characters are grappling with their sense of place and purpose (arguably Luke also grapples with this, and he used to be our POV protagonist too). But then it finally, FINALLY, invites you back. It makes you wait the whole fucking movie to see a place where you belong. And it shows you a completely random little kid using the Force.

That’s you. You’re Broom Boy. You have something special and wonderful inside you, and you are important, but you don’t know it yet, and the universe doesn’t know it yet. You are latent. You aren’t ready yet, but your time is coming. 

But the thing is, this ending doesn’t fully resolve the anxiety of being shut out. It doesn’t make you feel like you love this movie. Every aesthetic choice leading up until this point hasn’t felt like Star Wars. One scene isn’t going to change how you see this film. But this isn’t the last film of the trilogy. The next film will be about closure, and resolution — for the characters, but also for your anxiety. You will be invited back in (I hope). The Last Jedi doesn’t position itself so you know exactly why you felt wrong about this whole affair. It just induces that feeling in you, to prepare you for Episode 9. Because you are definitely going to buy a ticket for Episode 9. There are people who expect Ep9 will somehow rebuke TLJ, and undo everything it does. I sincerely hope it doesn’t. That would be undermining the flow of a whole trilogy. But if it gives you this feeling of belonging again, that doesn’t mean TLJ was a mistake. Maybe if TLJ was exciting and satisfying and pleasing without a hint of anxiety, it would sort of fizzle out by the time Episode 9 comes around. I think we’re supposed to be agitated and angrily hungry for more. 

[nemrut]

Fanfiction: The Changeling by Annerb (Harry Potter)

Summary: Ginny is sorted into Slytherin. It takes her seven years to figure out why.

Rated: Fiction  T - English - Drama/Angst -  Ginny W. - Chapters: 11   - Words: 189,186 - Reviews: 392 - Favs: 1,248 - Follows: 1,008 - Updated: Apr 19 - Published: Apr 19, 2011 - Status: Complete - id: 6919395

Link: fanfiction.net

So, I burned through this in the last few days and I have to say, it has been quite a while since I last enjoyed a Harry Potter fanfic this much. The way I understand it, there are three stories planned, two of which are complete as of this point, the first one about Ginny through the years 1-6, culminating with the Battle of Hogwarts, than the period after the war and before her return to Hogwarts to finish year 7 and then the last story which has yet to be posted about year 7.

I think the way this story stands out to me is the way it handles the Harry Potter cast in general, in that it has an excellent handle on each and every character. Every person is pretty much their canon self. Malfoy, Snape, Fleur, the Weasley's, they're are all perfectly in character. I think this is pretty much the most perfect depiction of Draco Malfoy that I have yet to see in fanfiction. He is exactly as he is in the books, no dumber and no smarter.  Ginny, of course is changed but not in a way that replaced her character with someone else entirely but rather that she is still  Ginny, only changed through her different life experiences.

I didn't mention Harry, because him I felt the one changed the most, but also in a good way. With Ginny being a different character and thus actually a bigger influence on him did allow for some genuine changes in his character and an openness to reflect on himself and others in a different way than before. He is still a good character and distinguishably himself but a bit more developed.

The OCs, speak all the Slytherins and some Ravenclaws I actually really enjoined. I completely agree with @Newcomb in that Antonia, the whole time, reminded me also of Ophilia Karait, only not as a cheap knock-off but rather based on the same character archetype, that of the immensely competent, cunning and mysterious older Slytherin girl.

Here is a confession of mine: I fucking love the immensely competent, cunning and mysterious older Slytherin girl archetype. Honestly wish there were more of her pulled off competently. Her taking Ginny under her wing is something I was super happy about. As such, her presence was enjoyable whenever she appeared and she never overstayed her welcome as she's used sparingly. (Here I confess that I also was shipping her with Ginny, but it never broke the story for me as the Harry x Ginny thing is being built up rather organically)

Ginny has two friend-groups in Slytherin, one being her two best friends Smita and Tobias and the other being the girls of the parlor and I find that while the latter group may not have been developed as much as I would have liked, I still appreciated each and every character.

The friendship between Tobias and Ginny worked really, really well for me. It's true that Tobias is not a groundbreaking character, however, there is such a profound sense of friendship in the way that he interacts with Ginny, that he actually became one of my favorite characters in the fic. I thoroughly enjoyed his interaction with others and the interesting parallel he served to Snape. In a way, it was  very subtle and clever critique of Snape. Tobias and Snape serve very similar roles, only Tobias never allowed himself to be broken and twisted by life as Snape and never took it out on the helpless by being incredibly bitter and mean-spirited.   Spoilers after the cut but the conclusion before for those who do not want to click further:

It has its flaws but nothing at all game-breaking and if you at all like Harry Potter fanfiction and the wizarding world, you owe it to yourself to at least check it out. 5/5

The story also had me genuinely fooled that Tobias and Ginny had grown apart, that what happened to their group, the incident at the Ministry and Smita's absence were enough to break apart their group, especially with Ginny spending less and less time with him, clearly not knowing how to handle this. So much so, that I it was an actual surprise that Ginny told Neville that Tobias had been spying for them. I guess my only complaint in that regard is that I wish there had been a hint or something to foreshadow this, or maybe there was and I missed it. Which leads me to Smita and while she is the less impactful person, her role I actually enjoyed even more. Yeah, her character doesn't leave much of an impression, I honestly had already forgotten her name but it's so rare to see such a realistic portrayal of the development of friendships in a medium where friendships are celebrated to the point of giving you unrealistic expectations of them.

Sometimes, people grow apart, for better or for worse. Smita was an incredibly important person for Ginny for a few years but that's simply not something that necessarily will always stay that way and that's fine as well. There wasn't a big fight or an ideological rift between the girls, just different priorities and life took them on different roads. Sometimes friendships can't be saved and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I honestly loved this.

The Parlor was something that I also loved. It's a clever invention, one that feels particularly fitting into the Harry Potter mythos and works exceedingly well in the story as it serves to explore Ginny's characters in a multitude of ways, as both a regular member desperately seeking advice, companionship and a place to belong and later as a leader who is responsible for each and every single individual in it and is probably the thing I am looking forward the most in the third story, to see Ginny trying to rebuilt the Parlor, to invite new girls into it and see on whom she will ultimately pass the torch to.

In general this has been a great story exploring Slytherin, one of the best I have seen in fanfiction. There is no Slytherin wank, no bashing. Slytherin is not a "pit of snakes". It's not Game of Thrones with schoolchildren where every character is Littlefinger, Varys or Cersei. No senseless scheming or arbitrary ranks or whatnot. They are just kids for the most part, but it is still distinguishable from the rest due to its unique nature.

As a whole, Ginny has been an excellent character to use for this, genius even. Since she is a year younger, the story gives us a new cast to play with and at the same time, removes her from canon events enough that the focus is always on her journey and not necessarily derailing the plot, although the canon elements are still happening in the background and shaping her life. Ginny finding her place in Slytherin has been a gripping journey, one told expertly with not a spelling mistake in sight and with smart stylistic choices.

For example, I loved that her first year was basically a haze, as both her worldview being shaken and being controlled by Riddle had a tremendous impact on her, one that she couldn't shake for a while. It was carving her own space with Quidditch, the life-line that the Parlor threw her and making friends with Tobias and Smita that ultimately allowed Ginny to get on her feet and finally claim her place in Slytherin, which was, on a whole, really satisfying to read.

Ron dressing in Slytherin colors to cheer on his sister was also one of the more heartwarming moments in HP fanfiction that I've seen in a while. It deserves mention that I also loved how her family reacted to her being in Slytherin, how they tried but their prejudices would get in the way at times and say thoughtless things but which they also ultimately were able to overcome.

As to the negatives, I guess I agree that there could have been a bit more characterization on the Parlor girls, although I guess that will come in the third story. Still, some more distinction among the girls outside of what they pursue wouldn't have hurt. And while I appreciated the story not having Ginny derail the plot by overtaking it, as this is very much a Slytherin Ginny story and not a Dark Lady Ginny story, I have to admit it's a bit weak that Ginny's influence on Slytherin hasn't really altered anything so far. Sure, I guess there will be a slightly more positive perspective on Slytherin as a whole, especially in the younger years, but the fact that Ginny and the additional Slytherins who stayed had virtually no impact on who died and who didn't is a bit weak, especially since Ginny had a device that was able to suck up all magic which, in hindsight, was a bit OP, way too good and ultimately still pointless. "I'll have twenty" indeed, that thing is probably the best magical device after the Hallows and  better than the freaking cloak.

I liked that the Slytherins faced stark consequences for their bravery. There was death, injury and fallout from that, stuff that the second story explores in an interesting manner, only that the impact is really only felt by them, not by the plot at large, if that makes sense. Their impact is restricted to them alone, not the larger picture. Could have led to more or less deaths of canon, something like that. Make things better or worse and not have them stay exactly the same. Looking back, that is really disappointing. The second story, while still interesting from start to finish, does get a bit overly angsty at times, especially Harry but at the same time, Harry's conflict with the Ministry is something that I really appreciate and found to be the most realistic I have seen and I am including canon in that. I quite like the trajectory that is being set up and I hope this will ultimately lead to Harry to becoming something other than Auror and that this will allow the story to throw off the last shackles of canon. Snape (and I don't think there is any chance of Ginny naming any of her children after him, if they have any) has been handled really tastefully, I have to say. Also rather in character, he hasn't been glorified or bashed. Instead, there was nuance in the way the story used him and different characters saw him differently and all for good reasons. As I said earlier, Tobias is a nice contrast to Snape and while admittedly he wasn't in as extreme of a situation as Snape ultimately found himself, he managed to handle himself much better than Snape did at that age. Characters in general haven't been whitewashed, the Malfoy's being great examples of that. Even after their turn, they didn't do a 180 but rather remained their slightly antagonistic, aloof selves who aren't suddenly super regretful and nice but rather awkward, distanced people who don't quite know what to do.

Narcissa going "you might not have helped me but rather doomed me as a traitor if I'm still getting thrown into prison" was one of my favorite lines in the story. Not a lot of stories do that. Even Harry, he's not being treated as the next Merlin or something but rather the rock to the scissors that was Voldemort. Sure it was important but that doesn't mean they like him any more for it or value his input outside of the public perception of him. The fact that Harry is not leading the Ministry in any shape or form and rather has only some minimal influence that he has to carefully balance is fascinating and super believable.

I think, ultimately, that is the greatest strength of this story. It is so very grounded and mature that it never overextends itself and knows exactly what it is it wants to do and then efficiently does it. This is not a story that has been written on the fly but rather was meticulously planned and edited and the effort is shown and has paid off in every line.

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Recs: Angst

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 remember me by hupsoonheng Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  31082 Tags: Amnesia, Temporary Amnesia, Obliviation, Established Relationship, Established Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Legilimency, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Reformed Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Good Draco Malfoy, Gardens & Gardening, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, POV Harry Potter Summary:  On a chilly day in October, Draco kisses Harry goodbye before he goes on yet another dangerous, undercover mission with the Aurors. And then Harry doesn't come back. Only Draco believes that Harry isn't dead, and pours himself into finding his husband despite his friends' pleas to move on and grieve properly. What he finds at the end of that work, though, is not at all what he wanted. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 you've got the antidote for me by Kandakicksass Rated:  Mature Words:  20730 Tags: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soul Bond, Red String of Fate, Heavy Angst, Terminal Illnesses, Major Illness, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary:  When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want. He's never been selfless before, but for Harry, he can try. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Every Breath You Take by hephaestiions Rated:  Mature Words:  19252 Tags: Major Character Death, Death (Harry Potter), Suicide, Child Death, Miscommunication, Angst, Angst and Tragedy Summary:  It starts and ends with Death. Scorpius was just caught in between. Like always. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Between Myth and Man by slytherco Rated:  Explicit Words:  16242 Tags: Veritaserum, Truth Serum, Mundane, London, Falling In Love, Lies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, This whole story is just Draco angsting really, Sexual Content, keeping secrets, Smoking, Bad Weather, References to Drugs, Making Out, One (1) Scared Little Sparrow, And also lots of texting Summary:  Draco, lost and a little broken, navigates post-war reality convinced that people like him should not be allowed to make their own choices. To solve the problem of his self-sabotaging tendencies, he starts taking a few drops of Veritaserum every morning. A story about the complexity of choices, repressed desires that come to the surface when we least expect them, and the utter hopelessness of truths built on a foundation of lies. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Three Boxes and a Scrapbook by dracogotgame Rated:  Mature Words:  30493 Tags: mention of divorce, flangst, Bill is a bro Summary:  One year after being accidentally bonded to each other, Harry and Draco are free to move on with their lives. But perhaps, what they needed was here all along. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Intertwined by bluefay Rated:  Explicit Words:  25086 Tags: Memory Loss, Memory Alteration, Accidental Bonding, Magic Gone Wrong, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Malfoy Manor, Self-Harm, Dark Mark (Harry Potter), Serious Injuries, But they're not very graphic so don't fret!, Self-Hatred, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Established Relationship, Sort Of, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Hate Sex, Childhood Trauma ,Flashbacks, St Mungo's Hospital, Sharing a Bed, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Time, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  On May 3rd, 1998, Draco Malfoy wakes up with no memory of Voldemort, the war, or Harry Potter, his supposed boyfriend. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di Rated:  Explicit Words:  93189 Tags: H/D Fan Fair 2019, Secondary Theme: Travel Fair, Secondary Theme: Book Fair, Commercial Fisherman Draco Malfoy, Failed Writer Harry Potter, Depressed Harry Potter, Magically Powerful Harry Potter, Muscular Draco Malfoy, Recluse Harry Potter, Angst, Smut, Drama & Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Wandless Magic, Boats and Ships, Finland (Country), Fishing, Redemption, School Reunion, Minor Draco Malfoy/Original Male Character(s), Anal Sex, Rough Sex, Sex Magic, Suicidal Thoughts, Near Death Experiences, Magical Theory, POV Alternating Summary:  Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography. An invitation to the Hogwarts class of 1998's 15th reunion isn't welcomed by either of them, but neither could predict how the night, and their reunion, will upend their lives. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 When I Put My Eyes On You by Zzzara Rated:  Explicit Words:  31160 Tags: Blindness, Blind Character, Blind Harry Potter, Disability, Physical Disability, Disabled Character, Slow Burn, Falling In Love, Love, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Dorks in Love, Friendship/Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Amortentia, Potions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Emotional, Emotional Roller Coaster, Pining, Pining Harry Potter, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Developing Friendships, Romantic Friendship, Best Friends, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter Friendship, POV Harry Potter, Patronus, Spells & Enchantments, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Jealousy, Jealous Harry Potter, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Spin the Bottle, Halloween, Party, Party Games, Mistletoe, Kissing, Surprise Kissing, Boys Kissing, Rough Kissing, Drunken Kissing, Gentle Kissing, Boys In Love, Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, First Time, Explicit Sexual Content, Sex, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Emotional Sex, Awkward First Times, Sleeping Together, Literal Sleeping Together, Dancing, Showers, Masturbation in Shower, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Sexual Tension, Dreams, Fantasizing, Desire, Self-Esteem Issues, Substance Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Lights Camera Drarry 2020, Lights Camera Drarry, LCDrarry, LCD - Freeform, The Way he looks, film inspired, Self-Prompt, Healing Summary:  When a hero defeats a villain, there's supposed to be a happily-ever-after... but when did anything ever happen to Harry Potter the way it was supposed to? Having sacrificed himself to the greater good, Harry is left alone in the darkness, blindly groping for the shreds of the life he knew. When the enemies meet, how is the story supposed to go, once they learn there's more to it than the eye can see? A story of pain, hope and things we discover, once we stop looking for them with our eyes. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 You open always (petal by petal) by birdsofshore Rated:  Explicit Words:  65214 Tags: Post War, Rent Boy!Draco, Down-And-Out!Draco, Grimmauld Place, House magic, Portraits, First Times, Antagonism, Hurt/Comfort, Coming Out, Pining, Angst, UST, Kissing, Frotting, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Intergluteal Sex, Anal Sex, Homophobic Slurs And Attitudes, Internalised Homophobia, Derogatory Attitudes To Sex Workers, Some Mentions Of Sadistic Violence, Brief Thoughts Of Sexual Activity With A Sleeping Partner, Rough Sex, Brief Mention Of Harry With A Woman (Past Relationship), Mentions Of Dubious Consent In Connection With Sex Work, Community: hd_erised, Inexperienced Harry, Top Harry Potter, House Elves, Masturbation Summary:  Harry’s not the kind of person who pays for sex. He really isn’t. Until he is. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Solder by Oakstone730 Rated:  Explicit Words:  34547 Tags: potion/alcohol addiction, Recovery, Nipple Play, Rimming, Dirty Talk, Angst, PiningUST, Reconciliation, LoveForgiveness, Cursebreaker!Draco, Artist!Harry Summary:  Seven years ago, Harry disappeared out of Draco and Scorpius's life without a trace after Harry's addictions destroyed his and Draco's marriage. Now, Harry’s back, and Draco wants to believe he’s changed. But Harry isn’t the only one haunted by the past. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Three Months, Eleven Days and Nine Hours by sassy_cissa Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  sassy_cissa Tags: H/D Food Fair 2018, Angst, Romance, Paroled Draco Malfoy, Rebuilding Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy/, Harry Potter Friendship, Down and Out Draco Malfoy, Food Forager Draco Malfoy, Soup Kitchens, Happy Ending, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hungry Draco Malfoy Summary:  Broke and living in a one room hovel in Knockturn Alley, Draco hunts in rubbish bins for food. Nothing could be more humiliating, right? Unless you're Draco Malfoy... ❤️ Read on AO3

Texting You by ununquadius Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  6005 Tags: Major Character Death, text fic, draco is dead, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, or maybe hurt/no comfort, Everyday Life, Pets, Asexual Harry Potter, Indian Harry Potter, one penis drawing, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Loneliness, Drinking, Terminal Illnesses, blink and you missed them suicidal thoughts Summary:  After Draco's death, Harry can't let go so he keeps texting their private chat, updating him on his life and rambling about everything and anything until it almost feels like there's a possibility that, one day, a reply will come. Read on AO3

📜 Wake Up In The Night by p1013 Rated:  Explicit Words:  10483 Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Explicit Sexual Content, Face-Fucking, Public Sex, Blow Jobs, Versatile Draco Malfoy, Versatile Harry Potter, Anal Sex, Rimming, Anal Fingering, Dirty Talk, Facials, 69 (Sex Position), Coming Untouched, Love Confessions, Curses, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Drinking, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, POV Draco Malfoy, Voyeurism, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Emotional Manipulation Summary:  In the days after the War ended, there were a great many things that were changed or changing, a great many things that somehow slipped beneath the notice of Ministry officials and healers from St. Mungo's and Aurors that were tasked with capturing fleeing Death Eaters. It was, after all, the end of the War, and much like war itself, the clean up was heartbreaking. Lives had been lost. The world as they knew it had been changed irrevocably. In the grand scheme of things, there were more important things to worry about than Draco Malfoy's sudden, inexplicable inability to feel love. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Coated in Rust and Blood by crazyparakiss Rated:  Mature Words:  2429 Tags: Mpreg, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy, Break Up, Post-Break Up, Angst, Violent Sex, Self-Hatred, Grief/Mourning, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  No one escapes the nightmares. That’s what his headshrinker tells Harry every time he tries to unpack the baggage he was handed from infancy. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Here Without You by  gracerene Rated:  Explicit Words:  26869 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, War, Canon-Typical Violence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Death, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Background Het, Non-Linear Narrative, Flashbacks, Epistolary, Love Letters, Dirty Letters, An Ode to Draco's Bum, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Top Harry Potter, Implied Switching, Auror Harry Potter, Healer Draco Malfoy, Explosions, Harry Potter & Parvati Patil Friendship, Loneliness, Denial, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  It's been seven years since the end of the Second Wizarding War with Voldemort, and a new Dark Lady has taken over in nearby Ireland. Harry feels compelled to volunteer to fight on the front lines, but war is never safe, and Harry has a lot—including his blissfully happy relationship with Draco—to lose. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Orion in the Sky by space_wingding Rated:  Explicit Words:  30709 Tags: Bookshop Owner Draco Malfoy, Coffee, Village life, Slow Burn, Pining, Denial, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Jigsaw Puzzles, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, POV Draco Malfoy, POV Harry Potter, Fatal Curse, Serious Injuries, Suicidal Thoughts, Hospitalization, Death, Character Death, Unhappy Ending, St Mungo's Hospital, Grief, mentions of anal sex, Chronic or Terminal Illness, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  Draco Malfoy owns a bookshop in the Lake District. He’s also cursed. Enter: Harry Potter. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Forgot to remember you by Andithiel Rated:  Mature Words:  1753 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Auror Partners, Magical Accidents, Memory Loss, Partial Memory Loss, Getting Together, DreamsPining, Light Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drarropoly 2.0 - A Drarry Game/Fest, Rated M for language, There's not any real stuff going on Summary:  Harry was hit with a spell that made him forget the week before he was hurt. Most of his memories have come back, but he has a niggling suspicion that he did something wrong. Why else would his Auror partner (and the object of his desires) go from friendly to hostile? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 On the Last Day by trishjames Rated:  Explicit Words:  53481 Tags: Mystery, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Unreliable Narrator, Drama, Dramatic Irony, Flashbacks, Non-Linear Flashbacks, Memory Loss, Horror Elements, Suicidal Ideation, Depression, Occlumency (Harry Potter), Occlumency as a Coping Mechanism, Panic Attacks, Discussion and Depiction of Mini Seizures, mention of overdoses, Revenge, Repression, Science, Neurology & Neuroscience, Neurological damage, Medicine, Potions, Original Characters - Freeform, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Somewhat Bond!Fic, Strong Friendships, Strong Women, Maternal love, Department of Mysteries, Unspeakables (Harry Potter), The Love Chamber, The Death Chamber, Death Potion, Amortentia, The Veil, Near Death Experiences, Souls, Major character death - Freeform, Death, forced drugging, Mind Control (Imperio), Murder, Vomit, Medical Procedures, Consent, Amoral Behaviour, Unethical Behaviour, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Possession, Ghost Sex, True Love Conquers All, ghost!harry, Magically Powerful Harry Potter, Auror Harry Potter, Unspeakable/Scientist Hermione Granger, Unspeakable/Scientist Draco Malfoy, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Psst...angst with a happy ending.. Summary:  Draco is still mourning the recent loss of his mother when the Wizarding World is struck with the tragic news of Harry Potter’s untimely death. It’s just his luck that Potter not only comes back as a ghost, but seems intent on haunting Draco as he’s the only one that can see him. It’s a race against time to retrace the last few days of Potter’s life in order to find his body before he’s lost to the living or spiritual realm forever. On their journey, they’ll uncover secrets, betrayals, and a horrific truth that will disrupt both the living and the dead. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Poland | A Faint Glow of Hope by EvAEleanor Rated:  Mature Words:  6123 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Summer Solstice, Solstice, Curses, Unspeakable Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Ron Weasley, Healer Hermione Granger, Herbology Professor Neville Longbottom, Angst, Flowers, Slavic mythology, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Mentions of Myth & Folklore, Mythology References. Folklore, poland - Freeform, POV Draco Malfoy, Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, Community: Seven Shades of Drarry Summary:  On Draco’s 25th birthday, somebody attempts to curse him, but Harry Potter jumps between them and is hit instead, with unexpected consequences. Potter is running out of time, and they both embark on a race against time to find the only cure that could save Harry. Little do they know they will need to face a myriad of magical creatures and their own feelings on the way. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Grounds for Divorce by Tepre Rated:  Explicit Words:  122217 Tags: Slow Burn, Pining, UST, Anal Sex, brief but all the same enthusiastic rimming, One (1) lemon tree, Accidental Bonding, And I mean like U! S! T!, Jealousy, Deals with Trauma, They both top at some point, ron is a good friend, Draco is a Good Cook, Dubious Consent due to the Accidental Bonding, The actual SLOWEST burn, Hurt/Comfort, Have I mentioned UST? Cannot overstate this it's like A LOT, First there's frottage, And then there's more sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, and just a lot of sex, sex on a bed, sex in the shower, sex on the floor, Sex on a settee, In other news they go to Egypt, Teddy is a Small Bean, There is one (1) cat, and one (1) happy ending Summary:  Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter. A story about histories, a story about families. A story about a lemon tree somewhere in Upper Egypt. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 At Evening's End by manixzen Rated:  Explicit Words:  31055 Tags: Pre-Relationship, Angst, Azkaban, Hurt/Comfort, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Slow Burn, Post-Hogwarts, Friendship, Past Child Abuse, Enemies to Friends, Auror Harry Potter, Inmate Draco Malfoy, Prison, Auror Ron Weasley Summary:  When the dementors are removed from Azkaban, a compromise has to be made for the prison to remain secure and wizard-kind to feel safe. Harry and Ron find themselves assigned to a rotation as guards during their first year as Junior Aurors as a part of the new system. Harry finds his values challenged in the harsh environment, but an unexpected friendship may carry him through this difficult year. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 all you ever did was wreck me by SailorChibi Rated:  Mature Words:  10807 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, draco has PTSD, Harry has PTSDN, ightmares, Animagus, Harry is an animagus, prison break - Freeform, Touch-Starved, affection starved, Fear of Death, fear of touch, touch repulsed, Trauma, Aftermath of Torture, harry doesn't want anyone else to die, harry is very angry at the world, Protective Harry, harry had to grow up too soon, Possessive Harry, harry wants to protect draco, house arrest, Ministry of Magic, ministry of magic has gone power hungry, Fear of Magic, draco is scared of magic, it's been used for too much evil, Draco Malfoy Feels, Sad Draco Malfoy, Protective Draco Malfoy, Sharing a Bed, platonically sharing a bed, First Kiss, Hugging, Cuddling, Platonic Cuddling, Harry Potter is a Good Friend, death is scary, Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Endingh, appyish ending, might be a little bittersweet, but it will be ok I swear Summary:  After the war, the Ministry decides to make a clean go of it and sentences all Death Eaters to death. After a year spent imprisoned beneath the Ministry, with his mother safely in France, his father dead and only the Aurors who hate him for "company", Draco is waiting for his time to die. Harry gets to him first. ❤️ Read on AO3

[brightsun-and-darkmidnight]

Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder

TITLE: Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 13 / ?

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-dark midnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki falling in love with a Midgardian and his words to Thor about Jane during Dark World coming back to haunt him. “It would be a heartbeat. You would never be ready.”

RATING:  M for Mature

NOTES/WARNINGS: ~▪︎~FOR THE WHOLE STORY~▪︎~

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Check Masterlist. It's going to be a long read. I try to keep each chapter around 3,000 words.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

!-!TRIGGER WARNING(S)!-!

So many triggers, read ALL of them!

Swearing. Angst. Death. Depression. Violence. Self-harm. Regret. Carelessness for safety. Doubts. Torture. NSFW. Smut. Fluff. And Of Course- Mischief.

Summary: Out in the open.

 ~ ~ ENJOY  ~ ~

Many more weeks passed. The Avengers and civilians knew about their relationship since they went on more dates, took walks and browsed stores together. During all hours of the day when both of them were free from duties. 

Alicia went to press conferences to support him. They tried to question her, Alicia held her hands up as if to stop the questions, shook her head. Then pointed at the Avengers or Asgardians. "I'm not the one here to be questioned."

However things got really personal when a reporter asked, "How did you get a woman like Alicia? Especially with your history."

The look on Loki's face was confident but at the last statement she saw his eyebrows furrowed for a second. Then complete mischief in his eyes. "You think I had her fall for me?" 

Everyone was silent besides a few clicks of cameras. "Well yes," the waver in the reporter's voice was a stark contrast from the confidence he displayed earlier.

Alicia bit her lip trying not to laugh and to stop from smiling too big in anticipation.

"Well you all have seen her charm." Loki waved his hand towards Alicia. She shrugged dramatically at the attention and the room filled with laughter.

Every one knew of Alicia. The sweet girl with the God of lies.

However only Loki and SHIELD agents were aware Alicia was apart of SHEILD and was trained to protect herself. It was agreed among those people Alicia would be transferred to the Avengers and become part of that team soon.

Targets were on her head even more with their relationship official. There was a group chat found by SHIELD that people were planning on using her to get to Loki as revenge for New York. People had approached Alicia while Loki was, and was not present. Alicia used her wit and calming charm to keep the situation non violent as possible. In other words preventing Loki from killing anyone.

There were people who supported the relationship because they saw how happy both of them were. Alicia had won the hearts of those people herself, mostly. Loki had acquired several fan bases at how protective he was over her. Innocent chats had that perspective. 

Then, dark chats among the BDSM community made their desires for the dark prince unashamedly clear. People tried to flirt with both of them, Loki got jealous when Alicia was flirted with while Alicia found it amusing, greatly loving the sex after those encounters. No matter of how gentle or rough the sex was: Loki was persistent of being on top to be able to satisfy her.

The times when they both consented to rough love making Alicia loved reminders. Loki was very hesitant about not healing her but came to the agreement to leave his mark on places no one would see. He also made her agree to letting him heal her to a subtle discomfort. Loki knew by now how to handle her subspace and the aftermath that sometimes followed. A ton of cuddling, warmth, chocolate, and if they had time he would read or talk to her until she fell asleep.

The Avengers were fiercely protective of Alicia. They might have "happened to be in the same location as them." Loki held her close when Thor was around, those nights were particularly possessive. Loki loved to take her slowly but with dirty talk.

"You love when I take you like this?" Loki demanded in Alicia's ear, thrusting deep into her from behind and pulling on her hair. The other hand between her legs, fingers rubbing her very sensitive nerves as his arm pulled her backwards. She often was too wrapped into pleasure but Loki continued with his observation. "Love to have me absolutely crazy while you are so friendly with all those idiotic pursuers. And you don't want me to do anything to them. Yes, I know you love those encounters because you are always drenched with anticipation. Even now you are dripping down both of our thighs." 

Loki would roll his hips more dramatically that she loved, "ooh Darling. Are you so close now? I can feel you rippling with need. Maybe I should stop and leave you frustrated as I am-" 

Alicia would beg urgently for release, telling him she wasn't flirting. Loki knew she never flirted, but her being nice drove him insane. She did decline their advances and got closer to Loki. Of Course he would hold her and glare at the brave individual.

With a slap to her rear and a tug on her hair, he growled loudly,  "Must you always use the same excuse?" 

Alicia would apologize with her promise that he was the only one for her. 

"You be sure to remember that." And Loki would give her further reminders as to who she belonged to.

Loki did not need to worry so much when they went to Asgard. She was dressed in his colors which marked her as his. No one dared to step out of line like the disrespectful Midgardians.

Alicia wore the armor the first few times she was at Asgard. She complained a multitude of time and then completely refused to touch the metal. Alicia swore up and down that she was never going to wear armor ever again because it was uncomfortable. Even after Loki had many designs for her, she refused. Once Loki explained that armor is just part of Asgardian culture she gave lean way… but she was somehow winning the battle with less protective armor with each visit.

On days filled with pure joy like today. They caught the most attention by everyone because they were like young lovers. Loki had her by his side as he spoke with Thor, Jane, and others about matters of Asgardians. Alicia gave him a kiss on the cheek and excused herself.

Alicia walked towards the direction of the bathrooms and disappeared into the crowds. Making a huge loop around to children playing with bubbles. She wanted to have fun with them and asked for their assistance in mischief. She guided them down wind from the group she just left and told them to produce as many bubbles as they could. 

The bubbles were carried by the gentle wind and caught everyone's attention. The children squealed when they were caught and laughed as Loki chased a sprinting Alicia. Loki yelled at her for disturbing the conversation. Then caught her from behind and spun her around. 

Alicia was trying to pry his arms away from her, "Loki put me down!"

"No Love. I think I might just carry you all day."

Alicia laughed at the suggestion. "Loki! People are staring!"

"So let them," purred into her ear.

Loki carried her back to the group despite her vocal protests. Her premature laughter gave away her plans. As soon as Loki set her down she tried to get away. Loki pulled her close and held her firmly against him so she could not cause more mischief.

 Everyone knew it was all good fun and were laughing at the couple. Loki's smug look turned into a forced seriousness, which furthered Thor's laugh. Loki's voice was low and authoritative, "Now Jane was just discussing about making a new bifrost on Earth before the disruption."

Alicia pushed on his chest with a teasing huff.

Alicia admired the beautiful light elf woman that spoke up, "It would make it much easier for us and other realms to keep in contact. Traveling from Alfheim is very long and dangerous." Her light-hearted facial expressions turned hard as she was in thought. Her very tan skin and long lighter hair color glowing in the sunlight. 

She and her companions looked heavenly. Her once bright eyes were clouded with thoughts that Alicia felt were dark in nature.

Thor crossed his arms and looked down in thought. "We will need similar materials as the one we had in Asgard. We would also need to convince the people of Earth to let such a powerful machine be built. SHEILD would be difficult since it would open more travel to Midgard."

"In order for us to start, all travelers to Midgard should be instructed to bring supplies." Alicia watched Loki rub his lips in thought, "do we have the instructions or designs for this? It will take an immense amount of magic to get the bifrost up and running."

"There is knowledge on the subject but it is kept among the older architects and sorcerers." Thor spoke again, "I have discussed with them and naturally they are weary to share the information with non-Asgardians." Thor made a displeased sound, "should the bifrost fail it would cause mass damage damage to Earth."

Alicia had a quick idea and spoke fast to keep the vaguely preplanned speech from fleeing her mind, "Could it be placed in space? Travel could be restricted to Earth because transportation would be needed to even reach the planet. I imagine placed further away the catastrophic damage would be less than if placed on the actual planet." She felt Loki rub her side with his thumb as praise.

Jane was filled with excitement. "She could be onto something. The materials would not take up space on Earth and would already be in the location for easier placement. We would need to figure out the perfect spot to minimize potential damage. We could make simulations to get a better idea."

"We still need to discuss the idea with Midgard to maintain the peace we have." Loki looked confident but Alicia saw his forced worry.

Alicia spoke up, "Given the fact that travel is still going to happen without the bifrost, that could be the best leverage we have. As well as it would keep the peace between all other world's. Thus resulting in more treaties and less war."

One of the Asgardian advisors laughed with amusement, "these two have switched mindsets since they got together."

Alicia smiled at Loki, "I think we bring out all aspects and compliment each other."

The other advisor that was significantly older spoke up with pure joy, "It's as if Loki is a millennium younger."

A heartbeat.

Loki did not want to be younger.

Alicia poked his side with a gleam in her eye. "He brings out my younger self too."

Thor smiled but he sighed heavily.

Valkyrie spoke up, "We will prepare a speech for a live broadcast after running through simulations, list of supplies, and talking with the elders."

"For now let everyone rest. It was a long day and we all have an abundance of things to think about. We will be in touch." The light elves left without another word.

"Ladies how about you go ahead of us. I would like to speak to Loki."

Loki rose an eyebrow at Thor.

"Do not fret brother we will be close behind them."

Loki watched as the elders walked away and then Alicia go with Valkyrie and Jane in another direction. Alicia and Jane talked excitedly about something and Alicia gestured widely around her. The shoulderless cape that started at the intricate gold metal around her shoulders as well as around her upper back. The metal was connected by a lace that was woven criss cross across her collar bones. Down and around her shoulders hung chains. The cape connected a small amount in front to the armpit and as well as the place between her shoulder blades, of course to the metal shoulder protection. The pieces were connected by golden metal bracelets. Anytime she moved her arms the sheer fabric moved with her. 

The dress she had on was strapless and brought the attention to the bare spots of chest, shoulders, and shoulder blades not hidden by the poor excuse of protection. Of course she refused to wear armor so Loki had the designers come up with intricate designs of metal. Even if it was not really going to help in defense in anyway. Metal was common in Asgard. 

Alicia's dress flowed with the wind as well. The silk dress had a variation of green shades but stayed close to his emerald color. There was a black sash blowing to the side and Loki remembered it hanging loosely around her hips, capturing the lower half of her body due to the vertical ripple of dark and lighter greens of the dress.

The sun broke through the clouds and everything glowed. Her skin. Hair. The metal caught in the more pronounced areas. From his spot behind her the dress was even able to catch some light through the sheer black cape. Loki wished he could be in front of her as she walked, see that smile playing on her face as she talked to Jane and her eyes lit up as bright as the sun.

"You really love her don't you?"

Loki's face turned but his eyes stayed on her till they no longer could. "You have heard me tell her that many times."

"I think you should officially court her. Ask her."

"Thor. It is only a mere two months before our year anniversary. Midgardians do not get engaged in a short amount of time."

"Well… some do after a few hours."

Loki scoffed as Thor started to walk to follow the women, "and the sooner they are engaged the less success the marriage has." Loki looked at Thor, "and what about you? When is your ceremony?"

Thor's smile was nervous, "I was actually planning to ask her during dinner."

"You two get along well enough... I suppose if things don't go well I could veil you in smoke, if that would help."

"Loki.."

He snickered at Thor's nerves. "I jest. Really brother you two do well together. Asgardians will thrive with her by your side at the throne."

"What? No plans to rule yourself?"

Loki faltered in step as Thor pushed him. "I wouldn't mind but Alicia wants a simple life as possible."

"I heard her say she sees you as Loki. No titles. Although. People say she lies, she wants your wealth and the attention the comes with royalty." 

Loki could not help but laugh. "She refuses to call me anything besides my name, gets into a big fuss when I gift her things. As you have seen she hates the media attention and waves the reporters away." Loki shook his head, "gossip is very terrible on Midgard. Not even based on facts and spreads as quick as Hel's fire on dried grass."

Thor chuckled quietly, "you are right about something, brother."

Loki rolled his eyes, "you act as though I'm not capable of coming up with well thought out plans-."

"Tricks."

Loki wanted to hit that smug look off of his brother's face. Then smirked, "Must I get my Lady to remind you it takes a sharp mind and skill to use those tricks?"

It was as if Loki was seeing Thor going through all of the times Alicia stabbed him with her wit. "She is a very fierce one.. I can only imagine how our parents would have liked her."

"Odin would lock her away." Loki felt his nails digging into his fist and wanted Alicia's gentle touch with a face full of calm affection.

"Mother would love her. I'm sure. You were her favorite." Thor continued after Loki gave Thor a look of disbelief, "it showed in the way she would try to get you out of trouble you caused." Thor clapped Loki's shoulder, "Both mother and father would approve of who you are now, loving her in an extension of you."

Loki watched his love as she was approached by a group of young children and their parents. Alicia got down to hug each one of them. The children took turns hugging the three women walking together. Loki stood behind her, "love.. did you get another dress dirty?"

Alicia turned to face him with a toddler in her grasp, "oh Loki. It will wash out." She was smiling widely until the little one pulled her hair. She muttered an ow and Loki laughed but moved to untangle the little fingers. "She has a strong grip" Alicia's laughter turned into more quick mutterings of pain as the other hand held more hair.

"I am so sorry! She really loves to hold things" the mother scrambled to help Loki with the little girls hands. Once Loki got her fingers untangled the little hand curled around his finger and she babbled at him. Alicia held the other hand and smiled at Loki. 

The mother spoke quietly, "She likes both of you. Especially you Prince Loki."

Alicia grinned, "she has good taste."

Alicia shivered as a vision was about to come true. Loki's worried eyes were on her when they made eye contact. Alicia heard a sound she dreaded. An object whistling, moving through the air so fast due to the thrusters attached.