#also why does this read like my elementary school daily journals

[dynamitekansai]

Via Jey Uso's Instagram Stories

[ashleyries]

How and why are students robbed of their voices in writing as a result of the education system?

I’ve always been told there is only one way to deliver my writing in English. I was told it was the ‘proper’ way and that no one would take me seriously if I were to use any slang or any of my personal or day-to-day language. So, while learning big words and fancy sentence structures that I still don’t even understand, I have lost the way that I used to write, which was with my own version of English that I use everyday in settings with my friends and family, who I don’t have to be ‘proper’ with. This made me feel lost, and like I had nothing to say anymore in my writing. I felt as if my voice was taken away. Why do we have to write the exact way that teacher’s tell us we have to, down to even how many sentences are in a paragraph? I have absolutely no idea. However, this all does leave me wondering, how does writing in the education system rob students of their voices? And why does this happen? I know mine has been robbed in many ways. We need to start questioning the system as a whole in terms of how it teaches writing. It has made the world feel so dull, and like there is hope lost. There is no ‘voice’ in any of the texts I was ever asked to read in elementary school, it all sounded so boring. I don't know how someone is supposed to learn how to write with their ‘personality’ and intertwine who they are with their writing if they aren’t even allowed to write a paragraph that doesn’t have 3 pieces of evidence, 5-7 sentences in each paragraph, and 3 body paragraphs. 

So, why does this happen?

As a result of this education system, many, including myself, feel confined to only speaking English, and feel confined to only using proper English in writing. Jenny Laio describes that she even forgot her first language that her parents speak as the pressure to excel in English classes and only write how this education system expects (Laio, 2021, p.1). Laio is not alone. She and millions of others forget their first language as a result of needing to only focus on English writing and perfecting the language as a result of it. Just alone, right there, are millions of people being robbed of their original voice in terms of both writing and language. That can not and should not happen. Instead of taking identities away in writing, our teachers and our schools should focus on implementing strategies to carry this through. There is a parallel perspective that adds to my point here in Vershawn Ashanti Young’s piece, “Should Writers Use They Own English?”, where he utilizes his audience to get across the message that ‘black’ english and any other type of ‘broken’ english is just as good as what people may think is ‘standard’ english.’ He thinks that writers should be able to use their own English because it captures identity. As a result, he defines the terms ‘code meshing’ which essentially means that people should be able to use their version/dialect of English anywhere they go, including in writing and professional settings. He uses his power as a writer to make sure that people know they do not need to ‘code switch’ (switching between dialects of English depending on the setting you are in), which has become the norm for many. Let’s let people, no matter the age, write how they want. It gets worse and worse the more and more new rules of writing are implemented to the system, specifically in elementary and middle school, where you have to write exactly how they want you to. I almost completely lost my voice with no return in my writing because of this. But, luckily I got it back. 

Because I realized that my own personal identity was taken from me when I wrote, I knew I needed to take it back. So now, I implement journaling into my daily life in order to restore that. It is so much more enjoyable. Also, when I even write lab reports now, I add my own voice and make it my own original work. I am sick of the templates and step by step instructions. I will say, however, that writing in college has seemed to get a little better in terms of letting students use their own voice. Kate McKinney Maddalena perfectly describes my point in her piece “I Need You To Say ‘I’: Why First Person Is Important In College Writing” as she describes how college student are able to take their identity back in writing through college and how much it benefits that individual by being selfish in their writing and society because it is different (McKinney Maddalena, 2010, V.1). This is what I am talking about, why are we not doing this at every level of education. If we started implementing these strategies earlier, then articles like this would never have to be written and everyone would still have their own voice in writing. I am not saying that there shouldn't be some sort of template or standard for little kids, but let them use code meshing instead of code switching, as Young would say. 

Also, why are we putting down people and treating people differently that simply use language and writing differently than us? This should never happen. This is one of the main things that is wrong. Students feel they may get teased or maybe even bullied by being different, so following the exact template and using the most boring of words is what they do instead of empowering themselves with their identity. The world of writing would be so much better if people did not feel they had to write the same as everyone else. Amy Tan is an author who wrote a narrative called, “Mother Tongue,” where she also discusses how she is forced to use a different dialect of english depending on her environment. She adds how her mother is treated just because she has a different dialect of english. “Like others, I have described it to people as ‘broken’ or ‘fractured’ English. But I wince when I say that” (Tan, 1990, p.7). Tan agrees that the standard for ‘broken’ language is completely incorrect. It is simply just a different dialect from the normalized standard and ‘proper’ english. Tan was encouraged to go into mathematics, since it is the same in every country. She defied this and became a writer, and she has become extremely successful, with so many bestsellers under her belt. It is extremely moving to see her write about something like this. Dialect of English should not matter, and it should be able to be implemented within writing. And I completely agree.  Well, I’m done with it. I said it. I’m done writing to society’s ‘standards’, and I am done being told exactly what to write. I know I am not alone in saying I was robbed of my voice in writing as a student and it reflected upon my identity in school. Language should be able to have a positive and direct relationship with writing as it would provide numerous benefits. I don’t think everyone understands the benefits that writing how you want to have. It would provide so much more variety to writing, it would make it a lot more enjoyable, and it leaves the reader with room to grow. The reader can sense the identity of the writer as well through their writing, which is another plus. We all have so much potential. Let’s take back our power. Start using the language you want in your writing. Start journaling. Start being you the next time you write in an essay. Use your opinion. The simplest start can do so much more than you think. Do not let the education system rob you of your voice.

Works Cited

Laio, Jenny (2021). Forgetting my First Language. In the New York Times.

Maddalena, K.M (2010). I Need you to say “I”: Why First Person is Important in College Writing. In C. Lowe and P. Zemliansky (Eds.), Writing Spaces: readings on writing (Vol.1) Retrieved on 

Tan, A (1990) Mother Tongue. ThreePenny Review. 

Young, V.A. (2010). Should Writers Use They Own English? Iowa Journal of Cultural Studies, 12 (1). Retrieved from https://ir.uiowa.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1095&context=ijcs

[jackednephi]

On daily scripture study

Kind of a long post. I'm on mobile so no cut. Sorry :(

Ok so I'm gonna try doing something this year that I haven't in the past and that's reading my scriptures every single day. In the past, I've been hindered by like approaching it as the Ideal like we learn in seminary which is Deep Study every single day. Obviously, I ended up failing because that's such a lofty goal. I mean, it always ended up being good for me because it would inevitably deepen my study. I'd involve Google in with the footnotes and get really deep into things. Like the post I have forever ago about Nephi's sword type of thing. But research rather than happenstance and it's part of why I know so much about kosher laws off the top of my head

Something else I think has been a hindrance to this goal has been the idea that I need to bust out my physical scriptures to do so and, at least when I was in high school, the only comfortable place I had to do this was the couch in the living room. Also, if I'm being honest, I was definitely doing Way Too Much (as is the common Mormon trap tbh) But I'm not doing Way Too Much because what work I get is by no means full time. I do what I can around the house, but that's limited to weather, spoons, and so on. I'm in the process of applying for disability but that's not an all day, every day type of affair. I'm going back to school eventually and studying for the GRE in the meantime but, again, even with all this, I have a lot of open time. And I have a comfy bed if nowhere else

ALL THAT SAID, I wanted to know if anybody used the LDS library app for reading and how that worked out. I figured if I can make time to read bits of fanfiction/otome apps every day, then I can try to read the scriptures every day. Also, is the app good for study? I know it's good for church use so will be good for casual reading but a big reason I haven't relied on it for daily reading is that I'm worried about relying on it for regular study

I mean, I've always been partial to physical books and scriptures (I can write in them and I like the heft and can use them even when headaches crop up) but I need to be realistic with myself. Sometimes I can't even get out of bed for hip pain and can't even prop myself up to read a physical copy. Plus, I do NOT want my kids (the buns for those of 6ou unaware) thinking it's something they can destroy cause we give them phone books and stuff to shred and scriptures are similar enough. But again, not sure if the app is good enough for me to kind of "retire" my scriptures so to speak. Especially since I really, really, REALLY like marking them and writing notes in them. I know there's a little notebook thing but, again, I've been reluctant to explore it because I was pretty sure there was no way it could be as good as physically writing

How does everyone else approach what to study too, by the way? Do y'all go "I will study what we are in Sunday school this year" or do you just eat up the BOM year after year instead? Do you switch it up from day to day just going wherever? Do you start with the ensign and work from there? Conference talks? Because that's technically scripture too, right? Also, would it be a good idea to maybe record my progress in my journal I use for scriptures and study maybe? Like the date, where I read from and to, maybe some quick notes? Or would that be too ambitious for now? I was thinking it would be good to see if I've been actually accomplishing reading every day and adjust accordingly if I wasn't. Maybe printing out a little calendar or chart and giving myself a cute little sticker as a reward for that day to mark my progress

Like the goal is to get myself to make this a habit. It has never ever been a habit for me and that definitely needs to change. Like I do read scriptures but never daily like we're told. I want to give myself as much opportunity for success as possible and, considering I'm 25, I clearly have yet to figure out what I need to do for success. I'd tried every day in the mornings in high school but needed to wake up at 430 to do that due to morning JROTC practice three days a week and seminary the other two. Then, who's going to wake up that early on the weekends to keep that kind of habit? Not a growing, anorexic, overscheduled teenager, that's who

Then, I'd have after school stuff. Drama, choir practice, viola practice, fencing, or karate depending on the year, piano practice/lesson every day except Sundays, JROTC stuff depending on time of year and if stuff was coming up, a MOUNTAIN of homework, and by the time all that was done, it wasn't like I was in any shape to do more studying. I wanted to play video games or draw or read or otherwise destress. Then, I was inactive in college so why would I go out of my way to form (let alone keep) a daily scripture habit

So do I go for a same time every single day type thing? I attribute the past failure of that to circumstance. A set time is fine when I have/remember to take my meds. But that will probably fall apart other days and habits are consistent things. Maybe I should aim for, instead of a time, more of a "as soon as I wake up, have had food and meds" type of flexible thing so I'm not beating myself up for sleeping in until noon when I meant to get up at 8? Or do y'all find later in the day better because you're not having to worry about the Rest Of The Day setting in on you? I'm thinking after me waking might be best so I'm not feeling guilty for taking time away from my family

Regarsing frequency, should I start with doing it as often as possible? Shoot for once a week then slowly increase it? Go whole hog and get it done daily even if it's just a couple minutes? I genuinely do not know. The year my family and I read the BOM every day together, I was in elementary and not doing too much. We did four chapters a day, more if they were short and less if they were long, but my parents really were the ones who dictated that so I don't really know how to do that myself

Anyway, I really want to make sure this goal sees success and then, in time to come, I can deepen it to be rigorous study rather than just reading every day. Thus all the questions. I also know different people are different and what may work for y'all may not work for me. But I would like real answers as to how y'all do your scripture habits as opposed to like Advice y'know? Like get real specific with it so I can have a good idea of what works for different people so I have a concrete idea of things to try

Nobody is obligated to answer any of these questions by the way. Just I wanted to ask them and throw this out there to all of tumblrstake so I could get a good range of answers. Daily scripture study is such a nebulous concept to me that I definitely need concrete examples as opposed to vague advice. Also no I'm not gonna pray about how to know how to do things. HF doesn't work like that. I mean I will pray for guidance to know when things are working or not but I can't do that until I'm actively Doing The Thing and how am I supposed to actively Do The Thing if I don't really even have a starting place

Like do I hit up the church website and comb through conference talk after conference talk about "read your scriptures daily" in hopes of finding a more practical how to? I'd think there would be less of that and more admonishing. I was also born in the church so idk if converts get some kind of lesson from the missionaries the rest of us don't about how to read daily. If so, can we like spread that to the general populous? Cause I would appreciate it

Anyway, sorry for the wall of text. Vann had Questions

Feel free to hit up my inboxes by the way. I do read everything even if some asks sit there for like months at a time because I never get around to answering them

[phandomficfests]

Writer’s Corner: phloridas

Introductions 

First things first, tell us a little about yourself. Hi, I’m Claire! I’m 22 years old, from Illinois, and like most 20-somethings, have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Things have been been pretty turbulent these last few years, as I started college studying Elementary Education but transferred schools a couple years ago to study Creative Writing. I had recently fallen in love with writing all over again and wanted to improve my craft/possibly work with books as a career. That school, however, wasn’t a great fit for me and after months of struggling, I dropped out last October and have been slowly putting myself back together since. I’m now hoping to transfer again to a school closer to home to finish my Elementary Ed degree, as I really do have a passion for teaching and children and thoroughly enjoyed those classes when I was taking them. So fingers crossed things can work out there! :)

How long have you been writing for?  I wrote and posted my first phanfiction in October 2016 but if you’re talking fanfiction in general, my first ever fic was a terrible Glee one that I scribbled in my 9th grade biology notebook in the spring of 2012 and thankfully never posted anywhere. I’ve also been writing original stories and keeping journals on and off since I was 6--which is a really long time, now that I’m thinking about it!

Tell us about your current project. Ok! I’m currently working on a few things: first is my PRB, second is a fic I was commissioned to write for the Phandom Gives charity drive and the third is a much longer thing I’ve been working on for about a year now, where Dan and Phil are telling the story of their lives and releasing it as a book for their 10th anniversary, and dealing with all the emotions that arise from all that—so basically my fever dream for 2019, which feels more possible than ever now in this post-coming out universe.0 unread message

What is your current word count?  245,379 or 259,014 counting my wips! (Damn, I wish I had that much in dollars lmao)

Questions on Writing

Do you try to write daily? Do you have a word count or other goals you try to hit for each writing session? As long as my mental health is decent and I’m not sick or anything, I try to write every day! I haven’t had a word count goal for a while but recently, I’ve started using a word count tracker and it’s been amazing to see my progress through that! My base goal is normally 500 words but if I’m not working that day, I try to go for 1k or to the end of whatever scene I’m working on.

How do you feel about the arguments against real person fic? I totally understand why some people may be uncomfortable reading it--I personally hate talking about it, even with my closest irl friends--but I don’t think anyone should tell someone what they can and can’t write. Does it sometimes feel weird, especially after seeing them at TATINOF and II and meeting them at II? Sure, but it helps that dnp themselves are cool about it. For me, writing is all about getting these stories out of my head, and it just so happens that all my stories feature Dan and Phil. So yeah, I’m gonna write and post them no matter what anyone else says.

What challenges you most in your writing? Myself. Much like Dan, my perfectionism makes me my own harshest critic and so many times, has completely destroyed my productivity. I also have a really bad habit of comparing myself to others, which only got worse after I started taking writing classes and saw just how talented some of my peers were. However, after speed writing most of my last fic in the two weeks before its posting date and seeing the amazing response that’s gotten, I’ve gained a lot more confidence in my writing abilities and don’t overthink as much, which has been really nice!

What's your favorite piece of feedback you've ever gotten? All the comments on my most recent fic, an act of infinite optimism, have been incredible and I’m SO happy it got such a good response! I was a bit hesitant about it, as it’s from Dan’s mum’s point of view and seeing as I’m not a mother myself (and currently have no interest in becoming one), I wasn’t sure how well it would resonate. But I think reading Michelle Obama’s memoir helped a lot, since her story helped me see exactly what being a working mom is like, which gave me so much more empathy for moms everywhere. And people have said this fic resonates well with them, whether or not they’re a mom themselves, which is so amazing to hear!

What do you think makes a good story? I’m quite easy to please so honestly, if the author has put lots of love and hard work into a story, I’m so here for it! But some of my favorite stories are the ones that focus most on character development and that follow the characters through an emotional journey. Basically, if your premise is Dan and Phil talking about their feelings and learning more about themselves in the process, it’s an automatic yes from me. Like I said, I’m not picky :)

How do you balance writing for yourself vs. writing what people want to read? Honestly, it’s not something I think about all that much? If I have an idea I really like, there’s a 95% chance I’ll write it just so I can get it out of my head. And normally what people want to read is the kind of thing I want to write (like my take on the 2017 Lester family Christmas, which was super well received), so it works out quite well! 

What inspired whatever you’re currently working on? For my current wip (the one I’ve been working on since August), I actually was inspired by Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl and its use of excerpts from Cath’s fics or the Simon Snow books before each chapter. As a dnp tell all book is something I’ve dreamed of for years, it occured to me that I could write that book, or little bits of it anyway, and the story of how that book gets created! And maybe confronting their past selves will allow dnp to move on with the rest of their lives, finally settling down and living their domestic dreams! So beyond the initial idea, the rest is pretty much all the hopes and dreams I had for 2019 before the reality of this year came crashing down on us all :D

What is your ideal writing environment? Literally, in my bed, snuggled under the covers. I don’t have a desk in my room and don’t feel comfortable writing anywhere else so 99% of my it happens here, on my semi-functional laptop. Or hastily typed out on my phone whilst hiding behind a large clothing display at work, but idk if I would call that ideal lmao

Don’t forget that you can check out Claire on tumblr at @phloridas or on AO3 here. If you’d like to be on the list for a Writer’s Corner feature, sign up here!

[you-get-to-exhale-now-cyrus]

She

Summary: Buffy reminisces about her relationship with Andi, the events of their past, and the fate of their future. Inspired buy the song She by Dodie Clark

Word Count: 1836

also this is for @bandi-mack since it was her idea ilyy <3

Am I allowed to look at her like that?

Could it be wrong, when she’s just so nice to look at?

Buffy stared at her phone screen. She had Andi’s Instagram pulled up, and just like all normal people do, she was scrolling through and analyzing all the pictures. So it was a typical Saturday night. She’d begun to sketch one in her notebook. Granted, it wasn’t great, but she worked hard on it.

She smells like lemongrass and sleep,

She tastes like apple juice and peach,

She gravitated towards the warmer colors, as colored pencils in reds, pinks, peaches, and yellows rolled on her bed. Tapping her phone again, she zoomed in on one section of her face, concentrating on trying to get Andi’s eyes just right. They were mesmerizing, even in photos; her chestnut eyes, soft and welcoming, and could read right through you. It was a quality Buffy had always admired, even if it bugged her when she tried to repressed any of her own feelings.

You would find her, in a polaroid picture,

And she, means everything to me, oh,

She glanced over at her nightstand, where there was a small picture frame that she and Andi had made years ago, when Andi was just getting into crafting. It was, admittedly, a little messy, but Buffy loved it nonetheless. Inside was a photo from when they were both little, probably in elementary school, where they both tried to do their makeup.

“We’re fashion queens!” Andi exclaimed, scampering into her mom’s room to grab her polaroid camera.

Buffy followed after the trail of giggles, grinning from ear to ear, with a smudged line of red lipstick staining her face.

“Strike a pose!” Andi shrieked, reaching out the camera as far as she could and snapping the photo. Both girls felt like they were nearly blinded by the flash, covering their eyes with their hands as the photo printed out.

“You can keep it,” Andi said, handing it to Buffy, “my mama always said that sharing is caring,”

It was still one of Buffy’s fondest memories to date.

I’d never tell,

No, I’d never say a word,

Grabbing a peachy pencil, she started to shade in Andi’s face, treading lightly at first, before deepening the color by her cheeks. Andi always blushed this particular shade of pink when she was embarrassed or when someone made her laugh. Buffy wanted to make sure she got it right, so she blended a few more colors into the mix of peaches and pinks.

And oh, it aches,

But it feels oddly good to hurt,

She remembered the day that Andi went redder than she’d ever seen her before. Naturally, her group of friends were at the Spoon, when Jonah walked in. And it was like a switch went off, because Andi just didn’t seem like herself anymore. It was like she’d forgotten how to speak and how to act. Buffy remained quiet, choosing to play with the napkin in front of her rather than intervene.

“Do you wanna come play mini golf?” he asked, a smile brighter than the sun gracing his face.

“Oh, yeah, totally! Buffy do you wanna come?” Andi had asked.

“Oh, I-I meant, just you and me. If that’s okay,” Jonah mumbled, looking to her with hopeful eyes. Andi’s cheeks went red hot turning to Buffy for approval, supposedly.

Buffy gave a small nod, squeezing her best friend’s hand quickly before she scooted out of the booth, and let them both walk out. Pinching her lips together, she gave Cyrus a small smile before they continued their conversation.

And she smells like lemongrass and sleep,

She tastes like apple juice and peach,

Buffy tapped on her phone again, zooming out a little on the photo in order to have a better idea of how the colors blended. Andi’s hair was swooped down onto her forehead, a few locks of it behind her ears. Grabbing the black colored pencil, she thought back to the day when Andi had decided to cut her hair by herself: short. It was a disaster, evidently, but Buffy had come over and helped her calm down about it.

“It looks good, Andi! It’s a new you,” she exclaimed, pushing a few of her bangs aside.

“I look like a boy,” Andi sniffed, turning to look at herself in the mirror, “this was a mistake,”

Buffy fished through one of Andi’s many drawers, before finally finding a blue headband with a bow that Andi had made a few years back. “Here,” she offered, slipping it onto the girl’s head, “better?”

Andi shifted the headband a little, turning to look at herself at different angles. “A little,” she admitted, turning to face Buffy, “thanks. You’re the best,”

She leaned forward to hug the other girl, and Buffy couldn’t help but feel a magnetic pull towards Andi.

Oh you would find her, in a polaroid picture,

And she, means everything to me,

Oh, oh, oh,

She paused, setting her pencil down and grabbing her eraser to try and soften the edges. She wanted nothing more right now than to call Andi, to hear her voice on the other line. To know that things were okay, that things were going to be okay. But she knew she couldn’t.

And I’ll be okay, admiring from afar,

‘Cause even when she’s next to me,

We could not be more far apart,

Buffy opened her phone again, scrolling up to the more recent photos of Andi; one with Libby, a few with Jonah, a bunch with her and Cyrus, and one with her and Buffy. The last one. They were at the library, and Buffy could recall the day like it was just yesterday.

“Shh, are you insane?” Andi giggled, running through the shelves of romance novels, “they’re gonna kill us!”

“Not if they don’t find us,” Buffy chuckled, grabbing Andi’s hand and dragging her along, and ending up by all the CDs and records. They hid under a display of them, both trying to contain their laughter.

“Do you think Cyrus and Jonah will find us here?” Andi whispered, pressing her body against Buffy’s.

Buffy swallowed, breathing in so softly, as though not wanting to scare off Andi like a deer. “I don’t think so,” she mumbled, pulling out her phone, “selfie?”

“Always,” Andi replied, leaning her head in a little closer and smiling as Buffy took the photo, “send that to me,”

She did, and Andi quickly posted it on Instagram, with the caption ‘best friends hide better’.

Needless to say, Cyrus and Jonah found them rather quickly after that.

And she tastes like birthday cake and storytime and fall,

But to her, I taste of nothing at all,

Buffy quickly turned off her phone, shutting her eyes tightly. No. She had been down this road far too many times, lingered on that moment far too long for her liking. But no matter how much she tried to push it from her memories, it seemed to creep up to the front. Grabbing a few more pencils to finish Andi’s shirt, her memories came flooding back.

“I think the lights add a nice touch, don’t you?” Andi asked, leaning back in the beanbag in AndiShack.

Buffy nodded, not even paying attention to the lights. Her eyes didn’t leave the girl in front of her, almost mesmerized by her beauty. Buffy knew that she’d fallen, hard, and there was no way that she was going to be able to get back up.

“Hey Andi?” Buffy whispered, earning the girl’s attention.

“Yeah?”

Buffy hesitated, reaching her hand up and tugging on a strand of her hair. Boldly, she leaned forward and planted a kiss on Andi’s lips. It was quick and childish, but the fire that tore through her body was not ignorable. Immediately, she slapped a hand over her mouth, fingers trembling. Why did she do that? What was the matter with her?

“I-I’m sorry,” she squeaked out, before she started sprinting out of the small shack, not stopping until she could see her house in the distance. Her lungs were aching, her breathing sharp and laborious. She couldn’t see much as she walked into her house, the tears blurring her vision. Her feet stung, her arms felt numb, yet her lips were still on fire.

She wanted to text Andi that this was all some mistake. That she wasn’t thinking about what she was doing. That she regretted it.

But the truth was, those were all lies. She’d wanted to kiss Andi for a long time, but she never did. She didn’t regret the kiss, but she did regret how it had happened.

And she smells like lemongrass and sleep,

She tastes like apple juice and peach,

You would find her, in a polaroid picture,

And she, means everything to me,

Buffy swiped at the the tears that started to fall, cursing herself under her breath. She’d finished the sketch and quickly pushed it aside, not wanting to ruin it. It was a disgrace of a drawing, if you asked her; she really didn’t do Andi’s beauty justice.

Yes, she means everything to me,

Buffy tentatively reached for her phone, clicking on Andi’s story. It was a snapshot of her in her room, listening to music. Sad music, Buffy concluded after a little bit of squinting. She couldn’t help but think back to what Andi had said about sad music.

“Because who wants to listen to happy music when they’re sad?” she pouted, crossing her arms.

“Doesn’t listening to sad music when you’re sad, just make you more sad?” Buffy pointed out.

Andi shook her head. “No, that’s what happy music does. It reminds you of how not happy you are. Sad music gets you. It understands that things are hard, and that it’s okay to feel like that,” she explained.

And suddenly Buffy had a new outlook on sad music.

Swiping up, she hesitated on replying, her fingers lingering on the keyboard. She’d texted Andi for over two weeks, not daily, but still; there was never a reply.

bdriscoll: are you okay?

Buffy turned her attention back to her sketchbook. Taking a pen, she jotted down the date in the corner, and shut the journal with a gentle click. Her stomach grumbled, signaling her to get out of her room and to stop wallowing. Her phone buzzed, and at that moment, it felt like the world stopped spinning, and it was moving too fast all at once. She felt dizzy with anticipation, unlocking her phone with a shaky swipe.

andiman: ...not really.

bdriscoll: do you wanna talk about it?

andiman: no that’s okay

bdriscoll: if it’s about what happened, i’m sorry

andiman: it’s okay, don’t worry about it

bdriscoll: you’re my best friend andi, i want you to be happy

andiman: thanks. i think i just need some time

bdriscoll: i get that. i’m here whenever you’re ready

andiman: thanks buffy

bdriscoll: no problem

read at 3:26 PM

She means everything to me

[davidcoopermoore]

Survival Literacy

I'm not sure what I think students "need" at a minimum level of competency to be considered to be "done" with school -- and my use of scare quotes here should give you a sense of the turmoil that I've been feeling around some very foundational beliefs I've long held about school itself, its fundamental purpose and role in students' lives. I've been teaching in an alternative high school for four years, a daily teacher with a full course load, but in an environment that is about as "loose" within the traditional strucutral confines of a public school as you can get. Sometimes this looseness is good -- the students like it here; we don't have any fights; we love our kids and help them on their first postsecondary steps. Sometimes it's not so good -- things are very messy, and there are lots of little fires to put out, many of our own making, trying to do things a little differently and creating new problems as a result. But I've come to realize how insufficient the professional norms of reading instruction (these norms are different from research-based best practices; by professional norms I only mean "what do districts and administrators and classroom teachers expect to happen in the classroom") are for the majority of our students, all of whom have become disconnected with their previous high school. Some students come to us with high standardized scores in literacy and numeracy and seem to gain little from the direct instruction we might provide in reading and math, say. Some students come to us with borderline learning disabilities that have gone undiagnosed. Most come to us with severe gaps in their knowledge and skills according to the general scope and sequence of what they should have learned between fourth and ninth grade. You can see these gaps in their diagnostic scores, and in math these gaps even tell a story of educational turbulence and, sometimes, trauma -- students who have poor grasp of numbers and operations but can do passably well at certain types of algebraic thinking, say, usually because they had a terrible elementary experience but a few good math teachers in middle or early high school. Part of my job has been to take in all of this information in consultation with students and teachers and work with them on an individualized plan for making progress in their classes -- an ad hoc academic support position that is not technically special education but tries to implement some just-in-time learning needed to be successful in a class. So I've become more and more interested in how you actually teach people how to read, and how you might translate what seems to work for young learners to adult literacy. (I've been reading a lot of Tim Shanahan lately.) There is much less liteature on teaching adult literacy than I expected; much of it essentially takes strategies for younger learners and applies them to adults more or less unmodified, or expands the concept of literacy to areas that may or may not improve reading ability. Research on adult literacy seems to have a good sense of how many adults can't read, who they are, and some of the reasons why, but from what I've found so far there is a lot less convincing information on what the best practices are for intervention. I've started thinking about rudimentary literacy a little differently from how I imagined it when I took a media literacy approach -- i.e., a holistic sense of what literacy is, including multiple symbolic forms. Although I still love media literacy, I think there is something categorically different about print literacy, both in how it works -- at a basic cognitive level -- and in how we are expected to actually use it in the world. (Maybe I'll write my post about reading as photosynthesis later.) The metaphor I'm circling right now is survival skills. I had a conversation the other day with my wife about swimming. Our oldest son not only can't swim but has a water phobia. In other cultures, swimming is part of the environment, a survival skill that children can learn at very young ages. I've read that babies naturally know how to hold their breath if put into the water in a particular way. Even my own sister, who insisted her sons learn to swim early, had them in the pool at age 2, fairly regularly. (I've also read that actually swimming is probably more like reading developmentally, and that you should probably start formal swimming instruction closer to six years old. Hang with me; it's just a metaphor.) The extent to which reading is a skill for survival depends on more complex social context than swimming does. "If you're near water a lot you should know how to swim" doesn't quite translate. Instead what I'm thinking about is the purpose for teaching survival skills versus the purpose for teaching for enrichment and enlightenment. We focus so much on a love of reading in school, and also subsequently conflate love with motivation (a topic for another post that I won't go into now), that I think we miss defining which aspects of reading are actually necessary for one's life as a "survival skill," and which develop more naturally after those basic skills have been mastered. The problem with reading is twofold: (1) many but certainly not most children become expert readers before they've had a lot of instruction in reading, let alone targeted literacy intervention, so it seems like their love and their ability are linked and (2) the students who don't "take" to reading are then often engaged at the level of motivation and ease -- trying to make reading a pleasurable experience, by "leveling down" reading to where they're comfortable -- while also getting certain reading interventions that are uncomfortable and involve a lot of practice. A lot of literacy instruction focuses on instilling motivation and appreciation in students, for understandable reasons -- it seems like master readers should want to read, and we also know that master readers are motivated to read independently. We had a long and unproductive program at our school trying to implement sustained silent reading at our school, which failed for both site-specific reasons (we didn't do it with much fidelity, too many distractions, etc.) but also, I think, failed to take into account the fact that our students struggled to do more basic reading than we really liked to admit, even when in guided instruction they showed that they could read. They didn't like reading, and we didn't really have the school culture to instill that basic affection and motivation. But they also didn't have some of the precursory skills you would need to enjoy reading. But I'm not sure that the primary job of literacy instruction should actually be to instill an affection for reading any more than I think that the primary job of swimming instruction should be to instill affection in swimming. Without basic skills -- in swimming or reading -- it is literally impossible to develop affection in any meaningful way. You can't be motivated to read independently if you can't read any more than you can be motivated to "swim for pleasure" if you can't swim. Add to this what I see in my students -- they have specific blocks to reading that resemble my son's water phobia. So on top of whatever technical instruction they need to get to the basic level of literacy motivation, they also need a different sort of motivation, a motivation to overcome what I would call something like a fear of reading -- more accurately, a combination of distrust, deflation, and past negative experience. They are discouraged about reading. The logic that we tend to use in school is that if you get kids encouraged about reading, they will read more. But we also underestimate the level of reading mastery it requires to actually feel a basic level of encouragement, and then, crucially, for this encouragement to translate into actually reading well. My son feels encouraged when he puts his face in the water. But he can't swim. He needs to be able to put his face in the water for his comfort, but it may not be a skill that he needs to practice and focus on intently to learn how to swim. It may be a way of filibustering, a way of avoiding the thing he actually needs to be able to do. In fact, it is possible that part of him learning to swim will be to be put in an environment where that kind of incremental thinking based on his own comfort vanishes altogether. Survival literacy cuts both ways. We also don't need to expect our students to love to read, maybe ever. This is a profound and destabilizing idea in English education in two ways. First, it shifts a lot of the kind of content we teach in English classes. Fewer books and novels; more short and non-fiction pieces. This was a controversial component of the Common Core standards that I happen to think is on the mark when you are considering students who already are far behind in their literacy ability. That is, for my students, exploration of a novel might have some value, but lots of practice with short, relevant pieces -- journalism articles, reports, etc. -- will be more likely to help them with specific goals they have for reading. But the most destabilizing thing about a survival literacy mindset is that I'm not sure that the classroom is the best place for it to happen at all, and I'm also not sure that "classroom" is the right space to imagine successful literacy acquisition. I'm starting to think of literacy, as a functional process of decoding and low-level comprehension, as something that one has to acquire by hook or by crook, often alone and with deliberative practice. That it can happen in a classroom doesn't mean that it should. All of this goes away when you reach a baseline competency, but I think that we have the bar too low for what that baseline is and how much rigorous literacy instruction you need to be able to read independently and contribute within a culture of print literacy (i.e., read independently and then talk about it). Again, these are baseline competencies. I'm not suggesting that I believe that there is no role for reading in a classroom! But that for interventions and the basic development of that baseline competency, the classroom environment that fosters a love of literacy isn't the right way to think about what learners really need. This has been hard for me to digest, and I'm not anywhere near done in my thinking -- in fact I'm returning to grad school soon, I think, to devote myself more fully to literacy -- print literacy -- as a component of understanding the world.

[willmarinblog]

Why write? Why publish? What’s the point? And Marcus Aurelius? —  Will Marin Journal Entry #1

December 16 2019

Greetings world! My name is Will Marin. Welcome to my first published journal-entry!

Why do I write in a journal? Because I am attempting to make sense of the world. Why do we use language? We use language to make sense of the world. We use language for communication, and communication is a tool for making sense. (Shoutout to Sam Harris.)

Many people keep a private journal; but why have I decided to start publishing mine? Because there is a chance (nevermind how small) that what I write in my journal could be valuable in someone else’s life. Furthermore, publishing my thoughts keeps me accountable. Furthermore, publishing my writings provides me the opportunity to get feedback; feedback about my ideas, or about my writing itself. This public journal is not only a way to share my ideas, but also a way to improve my skill as a writer.

Another reason I’ve decided to start publishing my journal is because journal entries — or articles, to use another word — can act as conversation-starters; they can become the basis or foundation for communication, for connection; and if you continue to read my writings, you’ll learn that I’m all about communication and connection. I believe connection, of which communication is an important piece, is what (literally) holds the world together. Without connection, all we have is a void of unrelated free-flowing garble... but with connection, we have a well-rounded account of the world. This is why I always encourage connection; and I encourage you to communicate with me online via Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, email, etcetera... (Visit willmarin.com for those links).

So, since this is my introductory journal-entry, I suppose I ought to give you some insight into just exactly what type of content this journal will consist of.

One reason why I’ve decided to publish my journal (instead of publishing a book, for example; although I do plan to publish a book in the future) is because my interests vary widely. I’m super interested in economics and global politics, but also super interested in fantasy and science-fiction. I’m super interested in journalism and current events, but also super interested in philosophy and spirituality and metaphysics. For this reason, instead of writing a book on one of these topics, I thought it would make more sense to write a daily journal (or a weekly journal; or every-other-daily, or just randomly... haven’t decided yet... probably multiple times per week, if not daily) which explores all sorts of different subject matters. With a real-time daily journal, I can talk about history in one paragraph and science-fiction in the next. This also might prove to be less boring for readers. Honestly, I prefer reading lots of different short articles on many different topics, as opposed to reading one long book which covers one topic.

So, this online journal will cover all sorts of things; from science-fiction to history, finance to philosophy, and even book reports or album reviews. This will truly be a journal for the modern renaissance man or woman.

As a continuation of this first journal entry, I’d like to discuss something I’ve thought about a bit today. When I was a young child, starting around age seven, I wrote fiction comics and novels. Usually they were either fantasy or action novels. For example: I wrote a novel about a boy living in a medieval fantasy world, whose father disappears in battle, so the boy goes on an adventure to find his father; I wrote a comic-book of political satire where President George Bush gets impeached and flees America on a motorboat; I wrote a novel about two elementary-school students who run away from their home in Massachusetts and go on an adventure across America, only to end up at a juvenile detention center in California.

Writing fiction has been a huge passion of mine for basically my whole life. However, at some point in my adolescence, somewhere between age fourteen and sixteen, I hit a roadblock with fictional writing. This question began growing in my mind and gnawing away at my motivation to write: “What’s the point of writing fiction?” The logic was this: There’s a huge world around me, full of humans and other species, with lots of interesting things going on. Why spend time writing about things that don’t exist, when there’s a massive world with things that do? So I gave up writing fiction for awhile.

But then around age nineteen, the inspiration to write fiction came back. A story came to me; a story for an epic medieval fantasy novel. But something had fundamentally changed about me as an artist: I was no longer just a child without a care in the world; I was a young adult, and money was starting to become more and more of an important variable. New thoughts began to form in my mind as an artist: “What if I spend two years, hours and hours everyday, working my ass off to finish this novel... and then it isn’t successful? What if I don’t make any money from it? Wouldn’t it be better to just spend my time working a job where there’s a guaranteed paycheck?” Perhaps in the mind of a non-artist, this would have been a no-brainer: Work for guaranteed money, and don’t gamble on a novel. And then another thought appeared in my mind: “Worrying about the desire to make money from my art is ruining the creative process.” I had a point there, too, because trying to creative sellable art can corrupt the creative process and result in worse and less-creative art. It felt as if I were stuck at a catch-22.

And this brings us to today: I’m twenty-three years old, and I am still passionate about writing (as you can plainly see); but I have never published a single piece of writing that is more than a few pages long. Why? Because I’ve always wondered: What’s the point? And I’ve always decided that there is no point.

But I’ve also been realizing that if I truly believe that there is no point to publishing my writing, and specifically publishing fiction stories, then I’ll never actually publish anything. There must be a purpose to it, if I’m going to be motivated enough to actually do it. So now, I’m going to answer this question for you, and for myself: What is the point?

Well, there are many points; so let’s go down the list...

Firstly, love; love for the creative process. If you love writing, then you ought to write, simply for the sake of writing. If you love to sing, then you should sing, even if no money or fame come from it. And the same goes for anything else.

Secondly, when it comes to writing fiction, imagination is important. Just because something doesn’t exist, doesn’t mean it won’t have an impact on what does exist. By writing a fantasy novel, you may inspire someone to improve their real life. And furthermore, when you put your imagination on the page, then in a sense it becomes real.

Thirdly, as Marcus Aurelius said: “What we do now echoes in eternity.” If you love something, and you do it now, whole-heartedly, then you’re literally creating energy out of love; and who knows what positive impact this energy will have in the future! The point is, we have no idea how what we do now will affect the world of tomorrow... but if you act out of love, then how can you go wrong? Something good is bound to come from it later! So do what you love now, and marvel at the results later!

Fourthly, exploring the imagination is fun; and as I said before, things which only exist in the imagination can still have an impact on things in the real-world; and furthermore, things which only exist in the imagination can eventually become real (for example, a nonexistent device from a science-fiction novel eventually being invented by a scientist and implemented into daily life).

So, there are some of the reasons for fiction, as a reminder to you and to myself. And those reasons can also go for anything else you desire to do!

As a side-note to the prior paragraphs about writing fiction, here is a really interesting list I found on Quora, written by Abhinav Goel:

So, there it is: my first published journal entry. I’m looking forward to writing more of these. Lots of interesting ideas to be shared and discussed; and speaking of discussion, please feel free to message me with any questions or comments. You can reach me directly through Tumblr, but also on other platforms such as Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and more. I cast a wide net.

All my links can be found at willmarin.com. Cheers! 🙂💜

[ingridgovaninsights]

The Elliott Chapters- Part 1

I’m sitting in some stupid writing class.

I’m not sure what I’m doing here, and what I mean by that is I can’t come up with a reason by myself. I’m not here for me- at least not right now- but maybe my future self will thank me. We’re all gathered around in a circle, just ten of us, scrawling into our notepads frantically, whether it’s with passion or with fear I don’t know. I’m more so fearful- I’m afraid of what the instructor would say if he found out I left my page blank. He was a bit of a hard ass that way. Sure, he was a pretty cool guy, but he didn’t put up with any shit.

I never used to be scared of much; I was the type of person to be indifferent to everything. When I was very young I was diagnosed with Asperger's, which is now just part of the autism spectrum, I believe. But who cares? I still call it that… why do people have to always complicate things; the term has been the same for years… it’s just going to confuse people as to which terms are “offensive” or not.

But anyways, as I got older, I became slightly better at picking up on social cues. It was very hard for me, and took a hell of a lot of practice, but I think I’m not too bad at it now. I could tell, for example, that Jeff -the instructor- was expecting more out of me than a half-assed journal entry. I was flattered that he thought I was capable, but I was also worried I’d let him down. I was weird that way- a lot of me was indifferent, but another part of me was anxious about what others think. Perhaps that came with growing up, regardless of whether or not you have Asperger's. After all, those with autism are still perfectly able to experience emotions… we just might do it a little differently. I should know.

Jeff paced around the circle that we formed with our plastic chairs. Whether he realized it or not, he always amped up the energy of the room. He intimidated us- at least, he intimidated me… I think I could tell the others felt similarly. Some of them snuck peeks at him from behind their leather bound notebooks, half hoping Jeff would be watching with admiration. We felt intimidation in a good way- he was the person you looked up to, but many were too afraid to approach.

Every Wednesday, we had the same exercise- we had fifteen minutes to write whatever came to mind, and Jeff even wrote a few vague topic ideas on the blackboard for us in case we were stuck. The words on the board today were: COFFEE, HOME, MEXICO, and SKIING.

The class was pretty much bullshit- as I mentioned, I’m not here for me. Victoria, my oh-so lovely fiance, thought it would be a good idea for me to get involved in something; she says that all I do is work and drink beer. I mean, she wasn’t exactly wrong, but if I do something I want it to be my decision. Oh well… I suppose that part of me is long gone now.

Somehow, I had to impress Victoria. I know how much Charlotte loves to write, and since we are so much alike, that might be a good start. When I was in high school, I sometimes wrote up and performed speeches in the community, which was okay for a while. I liked to ramble on about things that meant a lot to me… but thinking about it now, people probably got quite bored of me. Maybe writing was a good alternative- a less invasive way of expressing myself. I didn’t want to bother anyone. Back in high school… God, I was so oblivious. I bet everyone rolled their eyes at me; I bet they all laughed. I never even thought about it at the time… I just knew I wanted to talk about what mattered to me.

“Okay, that’s time, guys,” Jeff announced, bringing himself back to the front of the class. “Does anybody want to share?”

Silence, as per usual. The room was full of shy folk, of the anxious and the introverted. Everyone sort of averted their eyes… hoping Jeff wouldn’t call on them. That was when I looked down at my sheet and realized I hadn’t written anything. Not a single word. Fuck.

“If no one will volunteer, I’m going to pick someone at random,” Jeff warned us. “What? I said not to pick anything deeply personal… nothing you wouldn’t want to share with this group of people. There shouldn’t be a problem. By the end of our classes here, I want everyone to be confident with their writing abilities.”

Okay… well, I couldn’t be confident with my writing if I didn’t write. I slammed my notebook shut, angry with myself. Victoria would be pissed…

You didn’t even try, she would say.

At the slap of my notebook closing, Jeff looked over at me. He raised an eyebrow, looking at me with curiosity. Well, he was in for a let down…

“Elliott, we haven’t heard from you in a couple of weeks,” he said. “Why not take a turn sharing? I love the work you’ve done so far in here.”

Wow. I never put much effort into my writing here at all. What I usually did was grab a word off the blackboard, and write whatever came to mind. To me, it never seemed thoughtful or creative… rather, it seemed sloppy, unoriginal. I wasn’t really a writer, I just couldn’t think of anything else to join or do to satisfy Victoria. I wasn’t a sports guy, I didn’t play an instrument, I had no interest in art… my motto has always been you live to work and work to live. I mean, I’ve taken breaks from work- for instance, when Charlotte really needed me during the “Three Month Crisis”, but I’d say that’s not the norm for me. I don’t take vacations. I don’t just sit down and “chill out” for more than an hour at a time. There’s always work to be done.

“Not this week,” I mumbled.

Despite my answer, Jeff wandered over to my seat and pulled the notebook out of my hands. Man, was he bold. He flipped to today’s date and stood in silence for a moment. Everyone was watching.

Surprisingly, Jeff was okay. He handed my notebook back, gave me a pat on the shoulder and smiled.

“Don’t worry, Elliott,” he said to me, “you’re not always going to have something to say.”

***

As soon as Jeff indicated that the class was over for the night, I was out of there faster than anyone. Many people were so dedicated to the class- they brought backpacks stuffed with their writing pieces and more pens than they needed; they brought snacks to share with their friends. I tried to never get too attached to anyone or anything. As it turns out, that’s not always proven to work, but I did save myself from a lot of unnecessary emotions some of the time.

It was 9 P.M. by the time we were finished. I ducked into my car- I was far too tall for most cars- and sat for a moment, watching my classmates spill out of the lecture hall. Most of them were in groups of two or three- everyone had at least one friend but me. They were all laughing, talking with great animation, using hand gestures and high pitched voices. Ugh. What was there to be so excited about?

I didn’t like people much, but I loved to people watch. Usually just from my car, which probably looked extremely creepy, but I didn’t really care. It puzzled me how full of life some people could be, and how involved some get in useless things.

For instance, I knew that my classmate Kara was going on about a guy she had a crush on. Kara was in high school, so to be fair I suppose a lot of high school girls acted this way. But I couldn’t fathom why. They pick their prey, obsess over them for a few weeks, then rapidly move onto the next. Why couldn’t they just pick someone? I only really ever had one “crush” in high school. Other girls were cute, of course- humans are naturally going to be attracted to other humans- but why waste your time on someone that you don’t know anything about? Or someone you don’t care to know anything about? If all you care about is their looks, that was most likely a recipe for disaster.

But Kara didn’t know this, nor did she care. In high school, you just want everyone to like you, no matter what the cost. I remember a few weeks ago, when Kara first developed her crush, I called her out on it.

“What do you like about him?” I had asked.

“He’s just so cute,” she said, giggling.

I recall rolling my eyes. “Okay, but what inspires you to, say, strike up a conversation with her? Is he on the honour roll, for instance, or does he have a similar taste in music?”

Kara shrugged. “I dunno.”

That had been the gist of that riveting conversation. All she knew was that he was cute. Well, really cute, apparently. How could that be the only basis for obsessing over someone? I guess my brain just didn’t work the same way most people’s did.

Before I knew it, the clock on my radio read 9:25 P.M. My mind had drifted off again, always so curious about how others could act in such ridiculous ways. By now, Jeff was coming out to his car. He’d taken off his suit jacket and hung it over his arm.

That was when I decided to be a bit impulsive. I didn’t have anything to lose, and I really didn’t feel like going home just yet. I rolled down my window.

“Jeff!” I called out. “You wanna grab a beer?”

***

I knew Victoria would be incredibly worried about me- well, was she worried or was she jealous? She would probably be furious when I got home, but for now she’d flood my phone with texts and calls.

Where are you? Where are you going? Who are you with? When will you be home?

My parents were never even that overbearing. Hell, I remember going out for hours every night in elementary school and my parents never asked a single question. But perhaps that was a bit on the other extreme. When I was eleven or twelve I used to bike down to my favorite coffee shop downtown and sit and read the newspaper. For a few weeks, the staff would give me odd looks, but after they realized it was my daily routine they went about their business.

“Hey, it’s me, your girlfriend,” Victoria said on the fifth voicemail. “I don’t know if you remember me. Anyways, maybe next time you can give me more of a heads up when you’re going to be going out. It’s pretty disrespectful.”

The rant went on and on, so I just turned my phone off. I was getting irritated. Victoria knew how to push my buttons, and I was starting to think she did it on purpose.

And this was only half an hour after the class was supposed to end! To be fair, I’d normally send her a text letting her know I was on my way, but God forbid I did something other than the usual for one night.

Jeff was stepping into the car, or rather ducking into it. He was also a pretty tall guy. He was grinning from ear to ear. How could people just walk around smiling so much? Sure, I’ll give a bit of a grin when I think something’s amusing, or if I’m truly happy, but why smile for no reason? They say it uses more muscles to frown than it does to smile but it never feels that way to me- smiling is tiring.

“Elliott, how nice of you to invite me out for a beer,” he said way too excitedly.

“Why are you so eager?” I asked. “Usually you’re strict and mostly serious.”

“Oh, that’s me in my work mode,” he explained. “When I’m working, I’m in the zone. Super serious. However, when I’m done for the day, anything goes. I like to have fun, too, you know.”

Okay, so maybe this guy wasn’t a good candidate for a beer. Was he going to be rowdy and overly talkative like my classmates? I couldn’t handle any more useless blabber. If he wanted to discuss something meaningful, I’m all for it, but I would rather be alone if he wanted to go on about the weather.

I started up my car and peeled out of the parking lot as I normally would. Jeff started to laugh, slapping his knee.

“Man, so it’s you with the loud car,” he exclaimed. “I love it! I love the attitude behind it.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“Well, it’s almost as if you’re trying to express yourself with your car and the noises it makes. Judging from the obnoxious sounds and the rugged appearance of your old thing, you’re screaming to the world I don’t give a shit!”

“Don’t give a shit about what?”

“About anything. You don’t care what people think.”

Fair enough. I didn’t have anything more to say, so I stopped talking. I really hated when people strained to continue a conversation that had already lost its meaning. I’ve had people ask me why I wasn’t responding when their last message to me was “okay”. What do they expect me to say to that?

We pulled into the only pub that I typically go to, an Irish pub that was only a few blocks from the writing class. I wasn’t a partier or a bar-goer. Sure, pubs could be loud too, but there was definitely a bit more class to them.

Strangely enough, Jeff put his suit jacket back on. When I questioned him about it, he said he wanted to “look good for the ladies”. I could not tell whether he was joking or not. When he was already a handsome looking man with a healthy BMI and a decent educational background, I didn’t understand the need to impress the audience any further. He could probably find a decent partner without much effort. Me on the other hand… well, since society doesn’t tend to look past the fact that I am a geeky looking twenty-one year old with the mind of a sixty-five year old, I probably wouldn’t get so much as a second glance. But why did that matter when I was swept off my feet by the lovely Victoria?

Okay. To be clear, I do love her very much. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t still be with her. It’s complicated. Sometimes I do feel bitter, and sometimes I wish I could tell her so much that she just wouldn’t understand. I am well aware that she suffers from a variety of mental illnesses- hey, so do I- and I’m not blaming that. But it does make things even more of a challenge. Sometimes the idea of the mental illness confuses me- am I still with her out of guilt, worried she would be in trouble if I left her? Am I simply taking on the role of caretaker now? I didn’t feel good about the questions that ran through my head, but I could probably blame it on anxiety and move on. Maybe...

Jeff walked into the pub with such confidence and such strong presence, many people stopped to look at him. He smiled fondly at everyone, like he was everyone’s friend. I mean, I was confident too, in the sense that I didn’t care what anyone thought. I think Jeff was confident in the sense that he did care a lot, and he wanted to show everyone why they should think greatly of him, which was a confusing concept to me.

I gave up on trying to impress people long ago. I mean, if you can’t even impress your own parents, it doesn’t really matter anymore. That’s my opinion, at least. My parents were always my idols, especially my father. I wanted them to be proud of me, and I wanted them to be genuinely interested in what I cared about. But this never happened. My parents are extremely busy people, and they just never made the time. I firmly believe that if something is important enough to you, you’ll make time, no matter your schedule. It’s absolute bullshit when people consistently say “I’m too busy” when all the other person wants is for you to take a couple of seconds to say “hello, how are you today?”. Absolute, utter bullshit.

Ah, well.

Jeff marched right over to the bar and started chatting up the bartender, who was an attractive young lady, perhaps in her late twenties. She had long dirty blonde hair, tied back into a ponytail, and probably enough makeup to share with five other girls if she wanted. Fake. She wore a black tank top that was cut really low to strategically show plenty of cleavage. One couldn’t deny that she was attractive, but I couldn’t understand why Jeff wanted to try and engage in conversation with her. First of all, she was on the clock, so surely she had plenty of other things she needed to do that were more of a priority. Secondly, this young lady probably encountered this situation dozens of times every single night, and really, what were the odds that she would genuinely want to reciprocate? If she did humour him, it was more than likely for the sake of getting a hefty tip… but perhaps Jeff didn’t care. Perhaps he just wanted the attention, the illusion for even just a few minutes that he was wanted.

I didn’t want to get involved, so I took a seat a little further away, trying not to listen. It wasn’t any of my business. I ordered whatever the seasonal drink was, which turned out to be a pretty nice beer. I enjoyed it quietly, observing the people around me getting more and more intoxicated.

Jeff finally joined me, a mostly empty beer glass in his hand. He took a seat, still wearing that ridiculous grin. The bartender was trying to admire him sneakily, but she wasn’t doing a very good job. I could see her checking him out from a distance as she poured a couple fellas their drinks.

“She is definitely attracted to you,” I commented. “What did you say to her to make her so intrigued, if I might ask?”

“I told her I just came from my writing class that I teach. She was interested, so I gave her details. She said she used to do poetry but now she’s having a bit of writer’s block. Gave her a few tips. Encouraged her to check out my website and maybe sign up for a class.”

“She’s a writer?” I said. “Well, isn’t that something. She doesn’t look like a writer to me.”

“And what does a writer look like?” Jeff asked.

All I could think of was Charlotte.

[dylan-stableford-blog]

Megyn Kelly: Alex Jones’ views on Sandy Hook are ‘revolting’ — but my goal is ‘to shine a light’

Jones and Kelly (NBC)

Megyn Kelly’s continues to defend her interview with conspiracy theorist Alex Jones amid widespread protests led by the families of the Sandy Hook elementary school shooting — a massacre Jones has repeatedly called a hoax.

Kelly had been scheduled to host an annual charity gala for the Sandy Hook Promise Foundation in Washington, D.C., on Wednesday. But the backlash against the interview, scheduled to be broadcast on NBC Sunday night, prompted the group to withdraw the invitation.

“Sandy Hook Promise cannot support the decision by Megyn or NBC to give any form of voice or platform to Alex Jones and have asked Megyn Kelly to step down as our Promise Champion Gala host,” said Sandy Hook Promise co-founder Nicole Hockley, whose son, Dylan Hockley, was one of 20 children killed in the Dec. 14, 2012, massacre in Newtown, Conn. “It is our hope that Megyn and NBC reconsider and not broadcast this interview.”

In a subsequent statement, Kelly said she understood the group’s decision, adding that while she found Jones’s conspiracy theories “personally revolting,” her goal in interviewing him was to “shine a light.”

Here is my statement regarding Sunday night’s interview: pic.twitter.com/iS2VfyLt6S

— Megyn Kelly (@megynkelly) June 13, 2017

Earlier this week, Kelly defended the decision to sit down with Jones, who hosts a popular radio show and runs a right-wing website, Infowars. Jones interviewed Donald Trump during the 2016 campaign and said that the president called to thank him days after the election.

“POTUS’s been on & praises @RealAlexJones’ show,” Kelly wrote on Twitter. “He’s giving Infowars a [White House] press credential. Many don’t know him; our job is 2 shine a light.”

Nelba Márquez-Greene — whose 6-year-old daughter, Ana Grace, was also killed in the massacre — blasted Kelly in a series of tweets.

Here you go @megynkelly – her name is Ana Grace Márquez-Greene. Say her name- stare at this & tell me it's worth it. @nbc #SandyHook pic.twitter.com/mKrU63KWmA

— Nelba Márquez-Greene (@Nelba_MG) June 12, 2017

“Hey @megynkelly, let me know if you want to give his victims equal air time,” Márquez-Greene wrote. “Promoting this fool is bad news. Do not encourage his abuse.”’

“He’s a controversial figure for sure, but as journalists it’s our job to interview newsmakers and people of influence no matter how abhorrent their views may be,” Liz Cole, the executive producer of Kelly’s weekly show, told CNN.

Jones has argued that the shootings in Newtown were staged by the government in order to drum up support for gun control. In 2014, for example, he referred to the Sandy Hook massacre “synthetic, completely fake, manufactured with actors.”

In a preview of the interview that scheduled to air Sunday, Kelly confronts Jones about his Sandy Hook claims. But the victims’ families argued that NBC should not be giving the Infowars.com provocateur a platform.

Cole disagreed.

“Giving him a platform would mean he goes unchallenged, and that’s not the case in any way,” she said. “”Viewers will see Megyn do a strong interview where she challenges him appropriately … That’s the benefit of putting him out there. When someone actually sits down and asks him questions and he has to come up with answers — there’s value to that.”

Cole added: “Until you see the full program, in the full context, I wouldn’t judge it too much. Judge it when you see it. Megyn does a strong interview, we’re not just giving him a platform.”

The cover of Tuesday’s New York Daily News (Courtesy Newseum.org)

The New York Daily News slammed NBC and Kelly on its front page Tuesday. The headline: “Nutwork News.”

The backlash has apparently led at least one advertiser to pull its support of Kelly’s show.

On Monday night, the Wall Street Journal reported that J.P. Morgan & Co. has “asked for its local TV ads and digital ads to be removed from Ms. Kelly’s show and from all NBC news programming until after the show airs.”

An NBC official did not respond to a request seeking comment.

Meanwhile, Jones himself is urging NBC not to air the interview because he claims it has been deceptively edited.

“They did not have me in there saying I believe children died there at Sandy Hook,” Jones said of the promotional clip. “They had it edited where it sounded like I was saying nobody did. And the headlines are I doubled down. That’s why I’m calling for the piece not to air.”

Read more from Yahoo News:

Sandy Hook families denounce Megyn Kelly and NBC for Alex Jones interview

Alex Jones says Trump called to thank him after the election

Ivanka Trump: I felt blindsided by the ‘viciousness’ of D.C.

Eric Trump on father’s critics: ‘To me, they’re not even people’

Scenes from Newtown, Connecticut

[heartwarminghockey]

Meet Jay Elder

That’s right, it’s the second installment of my “Meet the Characters of My Upcoming Garbage Party Writing Project” series. Camp Nanowrimo is literally right around around the corner, and I am so unprepared, y’all. Guess I’m a pantser this year, armed only with 15,000 headcanons and a very loose outline. No worries, right?

Anyway, today I am introducing the secondary main of garbage party 2.0, using the same format as last time. See you once again under the courtesy cut!

So I don’t have a fancy picture for Jay, unfortunately, but just imagine that there is a beautiful portrait here of a hesitant dark-haired well-built man. He’s looking at you like he wants to say something, but you’re pretty sure he won’t.

Jay’s the Love Interest, as you probably assumed. He’s the old flame that never really went out. No spoilers, but they’re still in love. He was a big part of Miles’s life, and when they reconnect after Miles’s Big Breakdown, he’s a big part of Miles’s recovery.

So! Onto the questionnaire.

AN INTERVIEW WITH THE LOVE INTEREST:

1. Full Name: James Ronald Elder III

2. Age: 30 at the start of the novel

3. Gender and Sexuality: Demisexual gay cismale

4. Pronouns: He/him/his

5. Ethnicity: Straight-up white, Welsh ancestry

6. Birthplace and Birthday: Jay was born April 24 (Taurus) in Selma, LA - one week after Miles, and shared birthday parties were just another facet of their early years.

7. Family Ties: James Ronald II “JR” (father), Lynn (mother - deceased), Samantha “Sam” (stepmother), Martha Jean (sister - 12 years older), Curtis Jones “Jonesy” (brother-in-law), Linford “Lin” (nephew), Veronica “Ronnie” (niece)

8. Career/Job: Owner and General Manager of Elder Paint & Supply, a hardware/home improvement store in Selma, which has been in the family since the first James Ronald Elder

9. Guilty Pleasures: A lot, actually. Sometimes Jay takes bubble baths to relax. He puts on his favorite jazz albums and just soaks in the warm water. He has a lot of old injuries from his time in the US Army, and this is the only time he gets to tend to them. He also loves chocolate and sets aside his Saturday nights for TV and chocolate pie, because he keeps a pretty strict regimen most of the time. Jay loves anything cozy, so there are so many knitted blankets in his house. He’s trying to learn to knit because he’s heard it helps with nerves, but his fingers are so big that he’s having trouble.

10. What They Would Be Famous For: Sensational gardening. Nothing would make him happier. Or workout videos, but that’s less fun.

11. What They Would Get Arrested For: In his teen years, this could have been anything - “criminal mischief” - because he was a bit of a troublemaker then, when his mother was dying slowly and his father was turning to alcohol and the pretty bartender to cope. But now? He would be more likely to be “arrested” during a safety/crime demonstration at the local elementary school.

12. OC You Ship Them With: The love of my life and his, Miles Ignacio Larue

13. OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Lin, out of sheer frustration when Jay refuses to make a move, or Miles, because Miles has a temper and Jay lives to test it

14. Contents of Their Pockets: Wallet full of cash because he doesn’t like keeping up with debit card transactions, multitool, keys, phone (yes, Lin keeps track of all his upgrades), actual hard candy/mints like an old man

15. Typical Dress: Dark colors and neutrals only, his favorite being navy blue. Tends to stick to buttonfront shirts and dark slacks for work. Sweaters in the winter. Catch him at home in old t-shirts, cutoff shorts, sweatpants. Jay doesn’t follow fashion. It makes him nervous. He has no idea what looks good on him.

16. Talents: Carpentry, automotive work. He has a notoriously lovely singing voice but he’s very shy about it. He’ll only sing if he thinks he’s alone, but he’ll hum if he’s very comfortable with you.

17. Why Someone Might Love Them: He’s very reliable, you can always count on him to be where he says he’ll be, on time, and follow through on all of his promises. You can literally wake him up in the middle of the night because you’re stuck on the side of the road, and he’ll be there in fifteen with his toolbox. He has a deep, soothing voice and a calming presence. He’ll never judge you for indulging yourself. Also, he’s had a little bit of therapy in his time, so he’s good to talk to, very good at helping you sort out your problems, and will NEVER betray your trust. Also, he’ll always do what you want to do - like, he keeps gaming consoles just for when Lin comes over and loves to play with him, but would never do it by himself.

18. Why Someone Might Hate Them: He’s stubborn as hell, slow to make decisions, hard to read, won’t speak up for himself, a little prideful, and I mean - not necessarily the most spontaneous or riveting company. Keep in mind that most of these things could be followed up with “unless he’s with Miles.”

19. How They Change: Jay’s journey is just as much about acceptance as Miles’s. At the start of the novel, he has more or less given up on love, and that’s okay with him. He initially resists the way Miles makes him feel, until he accepts that he actually can have everything he’s ever wanted - because he had kind of got to thinking that after everything he’d done, and all the way he felt broken and damaged, it was never going to happen for him.

20. Why You Love Them: I love Jay because he’s quite tender and broken, and he’s simple in his wants and desires, he’s anxious and nervous and awkward. He’s gone through some pretty major life events with the death of his mother and a pretty brutal break-up shortly after, and everything that happened overseas...He doesn’t realize it, but he’s very strong, a survivor, and he just has a lot of love to give...He thinks of himself as this dark soul, but all he needs is someone who takes the time to understand and lift him up.

OKAY! THAT’S OVER! HERE’S SOME OTHER STUFF!

Loves jazz trio, anything with piano, especially if it’s in French. It relaxes him. This is how he bonds with Maurice, Miles’s dad, after he gets back from the Army. He used to love nineties rock bands, but he can’t really take it anymore. It’s just one of the things that changed. His Army buddies call him “Pops” now.

Loves gardening. One of his favorite weekend activities - you can find him puttering about with a spade and a watering can and some pruning shears.

Has a little black cat - Maxine. She’s been with him about three years now. Cat person all the way.

Keeps a daily journal at the recommendation of his old therapist. It helps ground him, keep him organized. He’s self-conscious about his handwriting, but no one sees it except him.

Hates pictures of himself and genuinely belives he’s never taken a good one. He’s very self-conscious about his body as well.

Keeps up with all his old Army training - jogs in the morning, up the hill to Martha Jean’s mailbox, three miles roundtrip, and does his sit-ups and push-ups. It’s a good time to think about things, plus it keeps him healthy. He can account for his bad knees.

Wiggles his ears when he’s thinking, or when he’s curious or pleased.

Has a speech impediment - a stutter that developed after his return from overseas. It acts up more when he’s nervous. Miles was so patient with him that summer after his service was over, and over the next eight years, he’s learned to control it by speaking more slowly, but he uses a lot of filler words - uh, um - especially when he’s getting started trying to say something. Jay takes patience that a lot of people don’t have. It’s another thing he’s self-conscious about.

Goes through eggs and milk like nobody’s business. Loves chicken and fish. Loves food in general.

Quite cold-natured. His feet are always freezing.

ONE LAST SECTION, I PROMISE

Some Jay quotes:

Jay “chronicologically” Elder

Jay “Smiles Larue” Elder (Miles loves hates that)

Jay “act like you got some raising” Elder

And a few songs from Jay:

“Make You Feel My Love” by literally anyone, although he’s partial to the Adele version

“L-O-V-E” by Nat King Cole (he loves this song - the brass - he loves to watch Miles dance to it)

“All of Me” by John Legend (truly a masterpiece)

“Luckiest” by Ben Folds (it has piano, and it makes him think of Miles)

And that concludes Jay’s introduction post! I can’t believe Camp starts in like three days, holy cow. I’ll probably do one more post for all the other characters (Lin! Dean, Miles’s ex! Parents and step-parents! Martha Jean! Zuzu, Miles and Dean’s roommate in CA!) but I’m not sure when. Stick around if you want to see how much all this changes when I actually start writing, lol.

[limejuicer1862]

Wombwell Rainbow Interviews

I am honoured and privileged that the following writers local, national and international have agreed to be interviewed by me. I gave the writers two options: an emailed list of questions or a more fluid interview via messenger.

The usual ground is covered about motivation, daily routines and work ethic, but some surprises too. Some of these poets you may know, others may be new to you. I hope you enjoy the experience as much as I do.

Shaindel Beers

is author of the poetry collections A Brief History of Time (Salt Publishing, 2009), The Children’s War and Other Poems (Salt, 2013), and Secure Your Own Mask (White Pine Press, 2018). Her poetry, fiction, and creative nonfiction has appeared in numerous journals and anthologies. She is currently an instructor of English at Blue Mountain Community College in Pendleton, Oregon, in eastern Oregon’s high desert, and serves as poetry editor of Contrary. 

Yiu can buy a signed copy of her latest book directly from her:  http://shaindelbeers.com  You can also purchase her books on Amazon, B&N, etc.

The Interview

When and why did you start writing poetry?

I think that most writers probably start as kids because everyone finds their art that helps them process things. Some people paint, some people dance, some people write. Poetry was the least structured and most free, so I think it chose me. My first poem I wrote, not for an assignment, was at about age ten when my cousin shot my dog. I was really distraught, and that was the way I channeled it. It was a poem with the refrain “And the cold wind blows.”

Who introduced you to poetry?

I read the regular “kids’ poetry” we all find in our elementary school readers, but I think my greatest discovery was finding my mom’s college textbooks of The Victorian Era Poets , and a volume of Byron, Keats, and Shelley. Those are what I would consider my first poetry idols, and I’m forever indebted to the Romantics, especially.

How are you “indebted”?

I learned to really value nature and nature imagery in my poetry. The egalitarian bent of their works spoke to me, and the view of the poet as the spokesman for the Everyman. I think we can look at a lot of poets who influenced us and see the wisdom of the Romantics in that. Who hasn’t gone hiking or seen a breathtaking spot in nature and thought of Wordsworth?

What is your daily writing routine?

I actually don’t have one. I do try to write whenever my students are writing. So, if I’m teaching poetry and give students a poetry prompt, I write with them. If I’m teaching fiction and give them a fiction prompt, I write with them. Otherwise, I just write whenever I can, especially if I have an idea that feels like I must get it down on paper.

What motivates you to write?

I think Robert Frost put it best when he said, “Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.” Sometimes you just feel something, and poetry is the only way to channel that.

How do the writers you read when you were young influence your work today?

I think they gave me an intellectual curiosity, especially about nature. They taught me to look at the world closely, to notice a single lady bug on a Queen Anne’s Lace to listen to the sound of a river rushing around a bend and burbling over rocks. They taught me how to really see the world.

Which writers gave you this “intellectual curiosity”?

You can look at the beginning of William Blake’s “Auguries of Innocence,” and it’s all there:

To see a World in a Grain of Sand And a Heaven in a Wild Flower Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand And Eternity in an hour

Or any of the details in Wordsworth’s “Lines Composed a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey”:

Five years have past; five summers, with the length Of five long winters! and again I hear These waters, rolling from their mountain-springs With a soft inland murmur.—

I don’t think you can read those poems and not want to go out and explore nature on your own…

Whom of today’s writers do you admire the most and why?

There are so many. Jenn Givhan’s work continues to blow me away. I’ve read all of her poetry, but I have to admit I haven’t read her fiction yet. I have her novel, Trinity Sight, on its way to me now and can’t wait to read it. I love her blending of her Latinx culture and myth, her personal life. It’s so powerful. I can’t wait to see what she does with sci-fi.

I continue to be amazed by Kelly Sundberg and Alice Anderson, who both wrote memoirs that were, for me, in some ways life-changing. Kelly’s honest, complex treatment of an abusive marriage was so powerful, and the beauty of language that Alice wrote in her memoir will always stay with me. I think it’s easy to feel like you have a “big story” and forget about the beauty of language, but each word in Alice’s memoir was like the finest brush stroke on a painting.

Why do you write, as opposed to doing anything else?

I still enjoy other arts. I sing with a local chorale, and I’m learning to do fiber arts with loom knitting. I think it’s unfair to assume that artists don’t work in various media. Writing is among the easiest arts for anyone to try because you don’t really need any “tools,” like you do with visual arts or instrumental music, but I do think we should all take part in as many artistic endeavours as we can to discover what we enjoy and what we feel drawn to.

What would you say to someone who asked you “How do you become a writer?”

I really feel like there is only one piece of advice. You have to read. Read everything in your chosen genre that you can get your hands on, and then read everything in your non-fiction interests, whatever those may be because those are your passions, and they’ll find their way into your work, so you’ll want to know everything about them you can. If your interest is nature — read nature books, science journals, etc. If your interest is history, read history and biographies. That’s the only way you can do a deep dive into your work.

Tell me about the writing projects you have on at the moment.

I recently took Kathy Fish’s Fast Flash Workshop, which was AMAZING, so I’ve been working on sending out those short stories. I tend to switch back and forth between genres. Since the big push to get my third (poetry) book out there and spend time promoting it, I wanted to switch gears and work on fiction for a while. I’ve been working with an editor on one piece, and she’s had such insightful questions for me. I hope to really hone this particular story into something special and can’t wait to see what it becomes!

Wombwell Rainbow Interviews: Shaindel Beers Wombwell Rainbow Interviews I am honoured and privileged that the following writers local, national and international have agreed to be interviewed by me.

[podcastcoach]

Focus Is More Important Than Microphones

Every podcaster has one thing in common: they all have 24 hours in the day. Today I'm going to share a ton of research and strategies to get your more productive. Last week I talked about five things that you think will grow your audience but don't. This is continuing on with that theme of determining what you want to do, and then getting it done. One of my favorite quotes from Abraham Lincoln is “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.”

If you have no focus, it doesn't matter what microphone you have if you can't get it together.

My Own Personal Struggles

Growing up I was what some might call "A weird little boy." I remember driving my Mom nuts as I would be in the kitchen talking on the phone. We had a bunch of 16 oz coke glasses that I would fill up with water and tune and then play as I was talking on the phone. I always described myself as "Creative" but I'm sure if I was in elementary school today that would pump me with enough Ritalin to put a Rhino to sleep. As an adult, I tried going on some medication but the more focus I achieved was washed away by the energy that was sucked out of me. With this in mind when I get my creative juices flowing, I can be hyper-focused and lose all sense of time. To me I define that as "fun," but when you look up at the clock and it's 3 AM, and you have a big presentation the next day that is a problem.

For the most part, much like many programs, admitting you have an issue is step one. I have a clear indicator and that is my desk. The more messy it is, the better the chance I need to pump the breaks.

Pumping the Breaks

Slowing down seems backward, but when you find yourself behind in tasks, etc and everything in your mind and body is saying "Push through" and you want to throw on your Superman or Wonder Woman outfit and start writing checks your body can cash. The result is you become more purposeful, focused, and you get more stuff done.

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

6:24

Whatever the goal is, you need to know it. I would recommend writing it down (more tools later). Take some time to think about it. If you don't know where you want to go, how will you know when you get there? If you aim at nothing you will hit it every time.

Setting Priorities

The book First Things First by Steven Covey he talks about Important VS Urgent

Important activities have an outcome that leads to us achieving our goals, whether these are professional or personal.

Urgent activities demand immediate attention and are usually associated with achieving someone else's goals. They are often the ones we concentrate on and they demand attention because the consequences of not dealing with them are immediate.

Something that is urgent and important is a crisis. It's pressing problems with deadlines. Something that is important but NOT urgent would be things such as exercise, relationship building, personal growth. If you ignore these important things, they later become important AND urgent.

Some things that are urgent but NOT important might be interruptions, phone calls (some of them), some email, some meetings

Some things that are not important and NOT urgent would be busy work, time wasters, some pleasant activities.

How to Know When To Delegate?

9:02

In episode 159 of the Resourceful Designer, Mark had some great questions you can use to make this simple. First, you have to identify all the things you do in your podcast/life. He suggests using post-it notes or an index card, but you're going to need a place for two piles. Then take each task and answer the following questions

Go from task to task and ask yourself, Does this bring me joy or Do I like doing this one particular task?

Am I good at this particular thing?

If you answered yes to BOTH questions, put it in pile number one. If you cannot respond yes to both questions, put it into pile number two. Separate your collection into these two piles.

Pile Number 1: Things that I like doing, and I'm good at

Look at the items in this pile and ask, If I continue doing this thing will it help my podcast grow? Will it help me achieve my goal?

Start two new piles. One will have all the items that will move you forward, and the pile of things you are good at and you like doing are things you are not saying no to, but not now.

Pile Number 2: Things that I don't like doing, or I'm not good at

Look at the items in this pile and ask, If I continue doing this thing will it help my podcast grow? Will it help me achieve my goal?

If the answer is yes, then these are the things you need to delegate.

Capturing and Organizing Your Thoughts

12:45

Brilliant ideas come at the most inconvenient times. I get great ideas in the shower. You NEED to capture these and organize them in a way so you can use them later. Here are some tools:

Evernote: I use this tool. It's free (there is a paid version at $7.99 a month). I have a folder called SOP Ideas. I have a folder called "Marketing Crap" that is filled with all those ebooks I get that I will read later. The thing I love about Evernote is I can use it on my phone, my tablet or computer and it all syncs together. They have a tool called "Web Clipper" that allows me to take a web page and save it in Evernote with a few clicks. They recently added a feature that makes it super easy to connect your gmail to your Evernote. See https://evernote.com/blog/introducing-evernote-gmail/

OneNote: This is Microsoft's version of Evernote. It's not bad. It is also free. If you are paying for Microsoft Office you have it.. If you are a big Microsoft user (outlook, word, excel) you might play with this tool.

Trello: Trello is another free (or paid) version that is much more visual as instead of folders you have cards (think index cards). Trello premium is $12.50 a month

Common Features: Evernote, OneNote, and Trello all have the ability to have topics and subtopics. They all have the ability to share information (which is great for collaborating with co-hosts)

Whatever tool you want to use is fine. The bottom line is you need a tool. I've got a course on organizing your information that spotlights these tools.

Where Is Your Time Going?

16:41

Want to see how you spend your time?  Check out Rescue Time which helps you understand your daily habits so you can focus and be more productive.  Rescue Time is free. The Premium version is $9 a month and allows you to track your time off the computer as well.

Another way to do this is to set your alarm on your phone to go off in an hour. When it goes off write down (maybe in Evernote?) what you were doing. I know when I did this the first time many years ago I was surprised how much time I spent watching reruns of TV shows I had already seen.

My Favorite To Do List

19:09

While there are a number of Todo apps, my favorite is todoist. Much like Evernote, I can have Todoist on my phone, tablet or computer and they all sync together. Also like Evernote, I can take an email and turn it into a task.

You can organize your task into projects. You can assign due dates and be sent reminders. There is even a reward system. You can set how many tasks you want to accomplish a day and earn points. This somewhat makes your to-do list a game. If you've been using tasks in Google, this will sync with that system. It's very powerful.

The todist software is free and the premium is $3 a month.

Why You're Getting Frustrated

Studies show that every time you check email, a social feed, or respond to a notification, your mind requires 23 minutes of re-focus time to get back on task. People that multitask are actually  40% less productive.

Finding Focus To Knock Off Your To Do List

When it's time to record, here are some things you can do that might make things easier:

Have a set time to record so your family knows not to interrupt.

Put your phone on do not disturb and have it out of site.

Have a distraction sheet. If you're working on something, and a distraction pops in your head, write it down and get back to your task.

You Can Stay Focused For 25 Minutes, Right?

25:32

Some times we need a boost. I've heard and tried the Pomodoro technique. Here it is in a nutshell

Pick a task you need to accomplish.

Set a timer for 25 minutes and start working

When the timer rings, take a 5-minute break

Repeat steps 1-3

Ever four cycles, take a 25-minute break.

Handling Distractions

Inform the other (distracting) party that you're working on something right now.

Negotiate a time when you can get back to them about the distracting issue in a timely manner.

Schedule that follow-up immediately.

Call back the other party when your pomodoro is complete and you're ready to tackle their issue.

If you find yourself thinking about something that just won't go away, have a sheet/note and write it down and get back to your task.

Why This Method is Working For Me

For me, it's only 25 minutes. It is not that whatever tangent I want to take is being put off forever, it's being put off for 25 minutes. By taking breaks, you keep yourself fresh. You avoid burnout. Studies show that people who work in distracting environments have more stress, a higher workload (cause you're not accomplishing as much), higher frustration, and it requires more effort. When you start to go down a rabbit hole, you can stop yourself and say, "I can do that in __ minutes."

No, I Can't Stay Focused For 25 Minutes

28:17

If you're having a hard time staying focused then I have some additional apps, that are really keeping on track.

PomoDone App

PomoDone is the easiest way to track your workflow using Pomodoro technique, on top of your current task management service. It ties in with just about every To Do List tool (Trello, Todoist, Evernote, Asana ) so you can track how much time you spent on a task. Once you realize how long something takes, you can better schedule it in the future. For example, I've put in 58 minutes on an article I'm working on for the Podcast Business Journal. At this point, I've got an hour and 20 minutes into this blog post (I haven't even got to press record yet).

By seeing how long you are spending on items, you can make much better decisions going forward.

Using the PomoDone Chrome extension, you can blacklist certain websites during the timer period. Once Timer is active (ticking), you will not be able to access the blocked websites. You can always turn this function on and off in the Extension's option, as well as configure the blacklist of the websites.

If you want to setup up times that differ from the25 standard time, you can do that ( I have times of 5, 25, 40).

Also if you're not using any other to do list tool, you can use this as your to-do list. The tool also works on iOs and Android.

As I almost exclusively use chrome, I use this app. Keep in mind if I want to jump on Firefox I can go to any site I want ( you can always turn off the blocking feature)

Tomato-Timer

https://tomato-timer.com/ is a free tool if you want to take this idea for a test spin (or you can just set two timers on your phone. One for 25 minutes and one for 5).

Freedom

33:08

Freedom.to is an app and website blocker for Mac, Windows, Android, and iOS. Start sessions on-the-fly or sche­dule your Freedom time in adv­ance. Plan out sess­ions that recur daily or weekly. With Freedom, you'll make produc­tivity a habit.

This tool is a little more "hardcore." It blocks websites on both Chrome and Firefox, as well as on your phone. If you want to go "Super Hard Core" there is an option to lock your session (meaning you can cheat).  You can test run Freedom for five session then prices start at $6.99/month

Get Your Brain In Tune

35:33

I had heard about brain.fm on a few podcasts. This is music that is designed to help you focus. For me (being a musician) I liked it. It was more or less musical noise that was just above really boring. The pricing starts at $6.95 a month

I didn't feel like another subscription so I checked out Spotify and they have a number of preset "focus" stations that more or less played the same thing.

Make It Easy On Yourself

In Adobe Audition you can make a template but I've always used the poor man's template. I would bring in my intro and outro music and save it with something like namofshow_blank. I then open that file and before I press record I rename the show to something like nameofshow_697. This has all my files in it and I don't have to look for them.

Listen faster when editing if possible. In Hindenburg Journalist, there is an option to listen faster as well as in Audacity. I spoke about this on Episode 327

One other thing to remember is more planning leads to less editing.

Podcast Rewind

42:15

I was on the Podcast Reporter (Live from the NAB show)

I was on the Launch Speed Podcast talking podcast Niches

Work With Me

Join the School of Podcasting or let me be your podcast mentor

Check out this episode!

[romancatholicreflections]

31st January >> Daily Reflection on Today’s Mass Readings for Roman Catholics on the Memorial of Saint John Bosco, Priest (2 Samuel 24:2, 9-17, Psalms 32:1-2, 5, 6, 7 & Mark 6:1-6).

Lectionary: 325

Praying Ordinary Time

Weekly Guide for Daily Prayer

“A prophet is not without honor except in his native place and among his own kin and in his own house.”

Mark

Everyone who has lived in a small town or some other tight knit social community can empathize with Jesus in today’s gospel. Boy does Nazareth sound like my home town!

Remember the stereotypes that made it hard to escape from the stigma of your ancestors and relatives, just like Jesus? Smiths were smart. Joneses were athletic. Andersons were hardworking but not very bright etc. I remember one small town where the cops arrested a man from a family of petty criminals for some minor offense. He helpfully told them to arrest his identical twin this time. Even the family was comfortable with its bum rap!

Why should we be surprised that Jesus had to get out of town to fulfill his mission?

It’s good to reflect on how often God selects unlikely messengers from unpromising places for important tasks. Change “prophet” to “saint” and consider the following:

The wounded Basque soldier who went to elementary school in his 30’s after finding God then started the greatest Catholic religious order.

The teen-age girl who had a vision that God sent her to save France.

The peasant girl in the Pyrenees Mountains and the three peasant children in Portugal to whom the Blessed Virgin appeared with important messages for the world.

The farmer’s son from the village of Sotto il Monte, Italy who became our greatest modern pope or, if you prefer, the Polish army officer’s son who might also claim that title.

This list could go on but it seems that God often entrusts great deeds to people from obscure origins like the Holy Family’s. He also sends humbler prophets and saints to communities everywhere. Know any of them?

Even those of us who will never be saints or prophets can find ourselves unexpectedly caught up in prophetic work. It still blows my mind that hundreds of thousands of people worldwide daily read reflections written by the ordinary employees of a modest-sized university in Nebraska.

Today’s gospel teaches us to respond to the saints and prophets in our midst rather than reject them because they’re just like us. If God can recognize them, so can we. Start looking – and thanks for sharing in this prophetic ministry.

by Eileen Wirth

Creighton University's Department of Journalism, Media and Computing

[everettwilkinson]

NRCC raises $3.8M in November

By DANIEL STRAUSS

12/20/2017 10:00 AM EST

Updated 12/20/2017 08:40 AM EST

2017-12-20T08:40-0500

With Elena Schneider, Kevin Robillard, and Zach Montellaro

The following newsletter is an abridged version of Campaign Pro’s Morning Score. For an earlier morning read on exponentially more races — and for a more comprehensive aggregation of the day’s most important campaign news — sign up for Campaign Pro today. (http://www.politicopro.com/proinfo)

Story Continued Below

PROGRAMMING NOTE: Morning Score will not publish from Dec. 25-Jan. 1. Our next Morning Score newsletter will publish on Tues. Jan. 2.

FIRST IN SCORE — NRCC raised $3.8 million in November: The NRCC raised $3.8 million last month, bringing its year-to-date total to $81 million in contributions. The NRCC has $42.3 million in cash on hand, more than any previous off-year over the same period. The DCCC hasn’t released its November totals yet, but the DCCC has outraised its Republican counterpart for the past six consecutive months. The NRCC has, however, maintained a cash on hand advantage.

FIRST IN SCORE — End Citizens United revokes endorsement of Kihuen, Leach: The pro-campaign finance reform PAC End Citizens United sent letters this week to two candidates accused of sexual harassment, Rep. Ruben Kihuen (D-Nev.) and Democratic House candidate Daylin Leach, informing them the PAC was dropping its endorsement and asking for its money back. Leach was recently accused by multiple women and men of inappropriate touching and sexual remarks.

“End Citizens United stands with the women who have come forward to publicly share their experiences facing sexual misconduct,” ECU President Tiffany Muller wrote in a letter to Leach’s campaign. ECU sent a similar letter to Kihuen. “The behavior is not acceptable in any setting and ECU does not tolerate it for endorsed candidates or candidates under consideration for endorsement.” Muller also wrote that donors to ECU “are dedicated to reforming our broken political system” and that the PAC takes “the stewardship of these resources seriously.” The letter asks Leach and Kihuen to each refund the contributions their campaigns received of $5,000 and $6,000 respectively from ECU by the end of January.

POLLING DATA — “Public sours on GOP tax plan as Democrats regain lead on economy,” by NBC News’ Mark Murray: “The tax plan that Republicans are soon expected to pass has grown more unpopular in the last two months, with nearly two-thirds of Americans believing it’s designed mostly to help corporations and the wealthy, according to the latest NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll. In addition, the survey finds that Democrats have overtaken Republicans on which party better handles the economy — their first lead on this question since 2013 and their largest since 2009.” Full story.

— Patriot Majority USA releases internal poll on 8 House seats: Patriot Majority USA is out with a Public Policy Polling survey that found a majority of voters in all 8 districts oppose the GOP’s tax bill. In 5 battleground seats, voters preferred a generic Democrat over the named incumbent. Check out the full polling memo here.

VIRGINIA RECOUNT — “One-vote recount win gives Democrats tie in Virginia state House,” by Campaign Pro’s Kevin Robillard: “A single vote in Newport News, Va., is set to give Democrats partial control of the state’s House of Delegates and could help the party pass Medicaid expansion next year. After a recount conducted Tuesday, Democrat Shelly Simonds had 11,608 votes to Republican incumbent David Yancey’s 11,607 votes in Virginia’s 94th House District. Simonds’ apparent victory — which will head to a judicial panel on Wednesday for certification — means Democrats and Republicans will have an even 50-50 split in the House of Delegates and will have to share power when the Legislature begins its next term in January.” Full story.

Days until the 2018 election: 321

Upcoming election dates — Arizona 8th District special primary: Feb. 27. Texas primaries: March 6. Pennsylvania 18th District special election: March 13. Illinois primaries: March 20.

Thanks for joining us! You can email tips to the Campaign Pro team at sbland@politico.com, eschneider@politico.com, krobillard@politico.com, dstrauss@politico.com and mseverns@politico.com.

You can also follow us on Twitter: @politicoscott, @ec_schneider, @politicokevin, @danielstrauss4 and @maggieseverns.

UM, THIS IS WEIRD — “This anonymous Maine ‘news’ site may have tipped a big election,” by The Bangor Daily News’ Michael Shepherd: “As he greeted voters at Longley Elementary School, Ben Chin was hearing all about his emails as Lewiston residents walked out of the polling place during last week’s mayoral runoff election, but it was too late. The progressive activist lost by 145 votes to Mayor-elect Shane Bouchard, a Republican, after he was rocked during the last nine days of the race by seven stories from a new website that caught fire on social media with help from the Maine Republican Party. One Maine Examiner headline said: ‘Leaked Email: Ben Chin Says Lewiston Voters ‘Bunch of Racists’ and featured a real email that apparently forwarded out of a group of campaign operatives. In it, Chin describes a day of canvassing when he had positive interactions but also ran into ‘a bunch of racists.’” Full story.

WEB WARS — DCCC attacks 10 California House seats with digital ads: The DCCC announced Tuesday that it’s going to hit 10 California House seats with digital ads on the tax bill over the holiday week. “By passing their tax scam, Republicans in Washington are stuffing the stockings of wealthy corporations while leaving nothing but a lump of coal for the middle class,” reads one ad. The ads will pop in CA-04, CA-10, CA-21, CA-22, CA-25, CA-39, CA-45, CA-48, CA-49, and CA-50.

HARRIS MEDIA — “The Man Who Made The Republican Internet — And Then Sold It To Far-Right Nationalists Overseas,” by BuzzFeed’s Henry Gomez: “Vincent Harris, whose namesake Austin, Texas–based firm has deep ties to U.S. Republicans, has positioned himself as a digital guru for Le Pen and other far-right leaders overseas against a backdrop of spiking nationalism, ethnic division, and anti-globalism. It’s an odd trajectory for someone who once seemed on his way to being the GOP’s super-consultant of the future. … But now, as he approaches 30, Harris has fallen into a bit of a slump at home. He bet on the wrong 2016 presidential candidate. Pissed off one of his top clients. Disappeared from Donald Trump’s campaign within days for reasons no one seems to understand. As 2017 ends, his highlights are accounts that make even some of his friends and admirers uncomfortable.” Full story.

THE NEW DEMOCRATIC MONEY — “Surge in out-of-state donors fuels Dems in special elections,” by McClatchy’s Ben Wieder and Alex Roarty: “According to a McClatchy analysis of 2017 campaign finance records, more than 1,300 donors gave to each of the Democratic candidates in two of the highest-profile special elections in the year: Doug Jones, who defeated Republican Roy Moore last week in an Alabama Senate race, and Jon Ossoff, the Georgia Democrat who narrowly lost a House election in June. By comparison, the Republicans in those races had only 60 donors in common.” Full story.

GROUND GAME — “GOP Engages Political Ground Game to Defend Tax Overhaul in 2018,” by Morning Consult’s Ryan Rainey: “Republicans are on the verge of enacting a major tax overhaul package that has been a key goal of party leaders for years. Now they’re getting ready to make it a central issue as they face voters in next year’s midterm elections. For several months, state Republican Party affiliates have been pushing the GOP tax bill through a quiet ‘ground game’ initiative targeting voters in states that are emerging as potential 2018 battlegrounds — even before the final contours and details of the package were set by GOP negotiators on Capitol Hill. … In Pennsylvania, where a Senate race between Democratic Sen. Bob Casey and a Republican challenger is likely to dominate headlines alongside difficult races for moderate Republican House members in the Philadelphia suburbs, GOP supporters have knocked on over 195,000 doors. Republicans have knocked on over 20,000 doors each in Michigan, Nevada, Ohio, and Texas, according to RNC data.” Full story.

GETTING THE NOD — Club for Growth backs Saccone in PA-18: “The Club for Growth PAC endorsed Republican state Rep. Rick Saccone in his special election bid to replace Pennsylvania Rep. Tim Murphy.” Full story.

ENDORSEMENT WATCH — Unbeknownst to Rep. Jamie Raskin, a video of him endorsing state Sen. Rich Madaleno in the Maryland gubernatorial race was leaked and posted online. The video was taken down from YouTube shortly thereafter and Raskin released a statement: “I was planning to wait until next year to release my endorsement of my friend Sen. Rich Madaleno, but it seems someone had other ideas. I’ll have more to say about this critical race, all the great candidates on the Democratic side, and why I think Sen. Madaleno would make a magnificent governor next year.”

TV ON THE RADIO — Sen. Joe Donnelly’s reelection campaign has reserved advertising on radio in Indianapolis starting today and going through Jan. 2. So far the campaign has spent $6,000 on the ad reservation, according to Advertising Analytics. Rep. Andre Carson, according to audio of the ad obtained by Score, says, “I’m Andre Carson and I’m proud to say that my friend Joe Donnelly is one of those guys who always has our back. Republicans from Washington are already spending money to attack Joe and mislead us about his record.”

According to a statement from Donnelly campaign manager Peter Hanscom: “Hoosiers support Joe Donnelly because he’s looking out for them in the Senate: protecting their health care, fighting for good-paying jobs, and working to create a fairer tax code. As he runs for reelection, he’s not taking a single vote for granted and plans on reaching every Hoosier that he can. Joe’s record he can be proud of, and he’s pleased to be able to count on Congressman Carson and Hoosiers like him who can vouch for Joe in every corner of the state.”

QUOTE OF THE DAY: “They obviously couldn’t kill it, so they’re trying to starve it slowly.” — Rep. Bill Pascrell on Republicans’ changes to Obamacare in their tax reform proposal.

CORRECTION: An earlier version of Mornign Score misstated the dollar amounts of the contributions End Citizens United gave to Rep. Ruben Kihuen (D-Nev.) and Democratic House candidate Daylin Leach. Those contributions are $6,000 and $5,000, respectively.

Source link

from CapitalistHQ.com https://capitalisthq.com/nrcc-raises-3-8m-in-november/

[nikd3p-blog]

Blog 2: Workout Culture

I hated being skinny. I hated buying clothing and seeing my collar bones poke out of every shirt. I hated having a boney butt and not being able to sit on elementary, middle school and high school chairs. Those seats weren’t designed for comfort and certainly didn’t help the kids who were skin and bones growing up. When I was in middle school a group of kids jumped me, it was easy for them because I was skinny and weak. When I was in high school I almost did several times, and I had the exact same weakness – being skinny and weak. I’d double layer shirts, so I wouldn’t look as small as I was. Self-confidence is always a hard thing to realize when in the hostile environment of high school. After the summer of grade 9 going into grade 10, something changed. A friend of mine, who’s name comically Nick as well, came back to school bigger than a lot of our friends. He started working out with his older brother, he found a hobby he was passionate about, which then rubbed off on me for the better.

For Nick, it all started with a YouTuber named Zyzz. An Australian YouTuber who showed his body off in a manner that many would find cocky and obnoxious, but as a fan, it was more than that. He was an inspirational figurehead that changed my mindset towards the workout culture and fitness industry. Unfortunately, he passed away in August 2011, prior to the modern social media boom – a boom that could’ve made him into something even bigger than he was. He created catchphrases that still live on for workout enthusiasts today:

·         U MIRIN BRAH?

·         U MIRIN THESE AESTHETICS BRAH?

·         U MAD?

·         Come at me brah

·         Don’t be a sad cunt, be a sick cunt mate

·         Veni Vidi Vici

·         We’re all gonna fucking make it brah

Move past his comedic catch phrases, and focus on the inspirational things he said, you can understand why he had such a big impact on many young men aspiring to better themselves by changing their mindset and working out.

Everybody, one day will die, and be forgotten. Act and behave in a way that will make life interesting and fun, fuck a mundane predictable life working Monday to Friday with something you derive no pleasure from; just living life out till you grow old and wither away. Find a passion, form relationships, don’t be afraid to get out there and fuck what everyone else thinks, trust me its a lot more fun that way.

Don’t ever pay people out or put people down. Instead just put yourself up and let the haters do their thing. I’d rather be a person that’s hated on, than a person that does the hating. A wise man one said..

Haters gonna hate! (Clemons, 2016)

We became a part of the Zyzz audience during the early stage of our social media boom. What makes these YouTubers so easy to relate to, to follow, and to try to replicate is that in the early stage of the boom, they acted opposite to the term screen theory. “Screen theory suggested that mainstream media representations also reinforce the bourgeois status quo through narrative and visual strategies, thereby forestalling any attempt by the audience to subvert the text” (Sullivan, 2013, p. 139). Fitness YouTubers could work against the mainstream industry, and work away from the traditional super workout machine infomercials, with the tacky workout videos that would play in the afternoon. Zyzz became someone that you could relate to, someone who would say things directly and not beat around the bush – opposed to your traditional Bowflex advertisement that guarantees you’ll get ripped quickly in 6 weeks. No, it doesn’t work like that – it requires hard work and determination.

In high school (2009-2013), if my friend nick wouldn’t give me any workout advice, or send me links to Zyzz related videos, I was down the stream without a paddle. Finding my way into this subculture of the internet was one of the hardest thing to do. Current advancements alongside information databases have changed that. Now, if I follow one fitness influencer on Instagram, 10 similar accounts will start popping up on my feed. Eventually, I became the audience commodity through Instagram.

“Audiences perform labour for advertisers by learning about brands of consumer goods featured in commercials. While we are socialized to think our media consumption is primarily a leisure-based activity, Smythe suggested that audience continue to generate economic value to the system of commercial broadcasting by internalizing advertising messages and turning them into demand for consumer goods and services” (Sullivan, 2013, p. 81)

Think about when Facebook bought Whatsapp for $19 billion (valuing each user at $40 a person) (FB Newsroom, 2014), and purchased Instagram for $1 billion in 2012 (Shontell, 2012), or when Snapchat opened their IPO in 2017 with a company value estimated to be $33 billion (Balakrishnan, 2017). At first I never understood these large valuations for companies that didn’t necessarily own any assets, but through our readings, I’ve become aware that these companies were worth so much because their audiences worked as their labour force. These Instagram micro-celebrities have increased the production of “a more individualized experience” (Sullivan, 2013, p. 172), giving us access to view their content through our cell phones and computers, rather than viewing them through the television among other viewers – promoting the bedroom culture.

“The tools offered by modern media have expanded the range and scope of our interactions with media content” (Sundar & Limperos, 2013, p. 505). In high school, videos of Zyzz were readily available through YouTube, but those were primarily compilation videos. His real forte was utilizing Ask and Answer (an anonymous question website where the user would answer anonymous questions), Omegle (a free online webchat that allowed users to socialize with random users across the world), and through Facebook. If Zyzz was able to use the plethora of options around today, I truly believe he would’ve been bigger than life in the fitness industry.

           During the time of 2009-2013, watching videos of Zyzz allowed Nick and I to meet our five needs of media use (Sullivan, 2013, p. 114). We achieved our cognitive needs by being provided education on working out and general fitness tips. Affective needs were met due to the humor provided by Zyzz whereas other fitness celebrities weren’t seen as entertaining to us. Integrative needs were met through the often-humorous motivational talks Zyzz would provide, which strengthened our confidence when we were insecure high school students. The star helped us reach our social needs because his videos became something for Nick and I to speak about, our relationship as friends was built around working out, and from 2009, Nick is one of the eight people from high school that I still speak to. Finally, immersing ourselves in Zyzz’ videos allowed us to escape and focus on something other than the petty realities of high school.

           The character of Zyzz allowed my friend and I to become better friends. We replicated the signs presented to us from Zyzz, repeating his popular phrases of “U MIRIN BRAH”, and constantly obnoxiously yelling “FUARK” aloud in our school’s hallways. Zyzz successfully encoded his messages by “placing an idea or event or experience in a format that will be meaningful for audiences” (Sullivan, 2013, p. 140). These messages were decoded by Nick and I, which then had “an affect, influence, entertain, instruct, or persuaded” (Sullivan, 2013, p. 141); altering our mindsets as high school students trying to find our place, and our own way of being. Although I hate the Instagram fitness industry today; with thousands of “fitness celebrities” showing up on my Instagram feed on the daily, Zyzz was the first for me, and introduced me to a world that I haven’t left since. I can understand how people attach themselves to the celebrities around now, but I’ll always believe that the one that got me hooked and changed the way I acted, was the best. Rest in peace Aziz Shavershian.

References

Balakrishnan, A. (2017, March 2). Snap closes 44% after rollicking IPO. Retrieved from CNBC: https://www.cnbc.com/2017/03/02/snapchat-snap-open-trading-price-stock-ipo-first-day.html

Clemons, D. (2016, February 26). The Best Zyzz Quotes: Get Inspired Brah! Retrieved from ZYZZ: http://azizshavershian.com/zyzz-quotes/

FB Newsroom. (2014, February 19). Facebook to Acquire Whatsapp. Retrieved from FB Newsroom: https://newsroom.fb.com/news/2014/02/facebook-to-acquire-whatsapp/

Shontell, A. (2012, April 9). How Instagram Co-Founder Kevin Systrom Spent His Year After The $1 Billion Facebook Acquisition. Retrieved from Business Insider: http://www.businessinsider.com/its-been-1-year-since-facebook-bought-instagram-for-1-billion-heres-how-co-founder-kevin-systrom-spent-it-2013-5

Sullivan, J. L. (2013). Media Audiences: Effects, Users, Institutions, and Power. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc.

Sundar, S. S., & Limperos, A. M. (2013). Uses and Grats 2.0: New Gratifications for New Media. Journal of Broacasting & Electronic Media, 57(4), pp. 504-525.

[itsyybitsyyspersonalthoughts]

Journal Entry #3

After this ramble I will make an organized chart of experiences, and social upbringing and genetic traits to dissect and put together reasons why I act the way I do. Just to narrow down and try to attempt to find out if what I feel is a mental disorder or due to upbringing. 

You know, I sometimes try to tell myself there is nothing wrong with me. That I am completely normal and all I am experiencing is  normal. I sometimes think am I really feeling this way or am I just acting this way. I over analyze my thoughts and actions. There are people with more crippling conditions than me. 

Maybe I dismiss criticalness of my emotions because I haven’t been properly diagnosed so I cant truly believe that what I am experiencing isn’t normal. Is this the control aspect of me taking over? My NEED to know if what I am feeling is abnormal? Do I have an increased desire to need to know what is normal and what isn’t because I am an only child and didn’t have much guidance about what is normal and what isn’t or have any friends to compare and talk about what is normal or not. Do I really have OCD? Does this affect me by increasing my risk for developing an eating disorder? Do I truly have an eating disorder? I have never been officially diagnosed with anything. It has always been mentioned but I don’t know I haven’t been told directly. I need to have someone be clear with me. I don’t like it when people are not specific. Ambiguity is not my favorite thing in the world. Is it because I have low comprehension? Is my low intelligence due to my father/genetics? Maybe I’m not meant to continue education its like a genetic cast system. By this I mean my genetic traits have determined what I will amount to, rather than the social influence of one who lives in a cast system.

 But back to my intelligence, I truly believe I am mentally disabled in the way of having an impaired cognitive function or even motor disfunction. I can’t make my body move in the way I wan’t it to fast enough. Am I just uncoordinated? My mother said Momo is like that too. This only brings more agony to me because I feel trapped in my body. I cannot express movement, emotion, sound effectively and everything feels bottled up. I don’t have a social outlet. I don’t fit in with my age group. I don’t understand them. 

When I was younger there was always such a huge age gab between me and my family. I couldn’t sit with my mom and listen in on adult conversations and I was either ten years older or ten years younger than my cousins.

My evidence:

with cello- I was never able to express how I thought a piece should sound through my instrument. It made me so frustrated. 

high school gym- my teacher had me stay late after class with another girl (my friend) to participate in a study regarding the performance abnormalities. My friend was asked to swim a certain stroke, but before she did she was asked to explain what she was going to do, do it and then explain what she did when she returned. I had to do the same thing but a different stroke, but she had my friend leave and get changed because we were already being held behind. 

However, I am becoming frustrated with myself because I have these thoughts all day it takes over and I feel like it is taking over. I can’t concentrate in class. I am always thinking about calories. I body check several times a day. I plan my day around how many calories I will burn and consume. I park farther away from class and the gym so I have to walk more therefor burn off more calories. I make excuses to walk to my car. I have noticed I binge on weekends. My excuse to binge is that I tell myself I should eat it all now so I wont be able to later and I will be forced to eat minimally and healthy. 

I am disgusted by my roommates eating habits and weight. I have noticed I cannot remember things as I used to. Is this because of the eating disorder? Am I depressed? Am I bipolar? DO I have OCD? Do I have anxiety? Everyone seems to have anxiety now which makes me question if this is truly an imperative disorder or are we becoming more sensitive as a society due to our rearing that we have all become such sensitive and offended fucks? I don’t believe I get offended as people do now. I have trouble reading and understanding social cues but at the same time I don’t? Maybe I don’t know the exact words for what I am trying to get across that I cant explain it effectively. I hate tests that use absolute words. Because I will remember a piece of something that will not be true in one of the options but will be true in the rest but I will have to explain why I put an answer because of how the question is worded.

 I like problems that make you have to consider and think about other influencing factors. I think I am creative enough to be able to come up with reasons why a particular group may be thinking or feeling or acting out in a certain way. I believe I am just uneducated about specific cultural/community/social//religious values which really blocks me from being able to dabble in these. I love controversial topics. I love knowing information on both sides and discussing well maybe x is doing this because of a but y interprets a as 1. 

in 3rd grade on the night before our mission project was due (I remember because I waited to do it on the last minute and I made my mission out of cardboard boxes from Costco and colored a coloring page from the mission that I had been sent by the mission because Momo wrote to them about getting more information about it. Mom said that if my nose grew to be like my fathers she would pay to have me get a nose job. 

One day my mom made me french toast and my father made a comment saying “mama is trying to fatten you up” and before I took a bite I put my fork down and went to my room and closed the door. 

My dad has a thing for “big women” and expresses that all the time. He shames everyone for their appearance. EX red hair, clothing style, having glasses on facing backwards. He always says that people should just shave their head of they are balding in one area or have a receding hairline.

Area- I was never good at math problems that dealt with 3D objects or had to do with any geometry or spacial problems. 

I remember in elementary school I started catching clips of those health shows that are on at like 3pm about how to stay healthy and not get sick and lose weight. One tip was to keep an arms length away from meat sections but I swore I lost 8lbs from that. I would also count calories. 

My mom would always complain seriously about how it isn’t fair that my father eats three times as much as her but she is still :fat: but she doesn’t realize the lifestyle she lives keeps her there- she thinks she is doing a crazy amount of walking, but her restaurant store is very small, mine was twice as large. -here is me coming up with reasons why she thinks its unfair and what is really going on- so I would walk as much just being an expediter in four hours as she would being a server in 6. She also eats extremely high calorie desserts daily and lays on her ass.  I analyze my mothers personality and have found her weaknesses-driving reaction time, ability to deal with stress.

I hate the way she licks and sucks her fingers and makes humming noises about how good something was-Ive already analyzed why i feel this way

when I was in physiology we were learning about hormone imbalances and it made me suspect she had cushings syndrome because she displayed signs of the condition.

 During a holiday my cousin came over and he called my mom fat, it made me extremely angry because you don’t go up to people and say things like that so I hit him. 

My grandmother talks about how others are no good for society, she says she doesn’t believe my cousin will get anything other that working in food service because she is too boring and plain looking. She doesn’t believe Nick will get into UCI. What doesn’t she believe I will do? I heard her say “we will just be happy if she gets a degree” but degrees don’t mean shit anymore. What if I fail? Don’t succeed? I am the only child. I believe it puts a lot pf pressure on me. They’ve invested so much in me but what if I just cant do it? I don’t feel like I can do it because I am not all mentally there, I am too distracted by other thoughts. Which can prove that the overall health of the population affects access education and income resulting in education levels. 

I used to be so eager to learn. My favorite class was community health issues at LBCC. I have lost my motivation. I cant concentrate. I am not  intrigued by the information. I just want to sit on the floor and lay down all day. But then where would I burn the extra calories.

I feel happy and energetic when I work at my new job-they hate cynical which I am afraid I am but I am not when I work there I am very positive and happy despite talking to myself all the time. I think I talk out loud because I need that confirmation that what I am doing is correct. Again this can be related to being an only child and seeking approval. On my chart I will have “ONLY CHILD” as a category with a bullet list of traits that can be linked with me being an only child and a sub category of parent reaction and rearing because I was the only one. 

I  feel drained and dead when I am at home but I crave the company. I am alone. But that isn’t new. I have always felt this way so I don’t believe it is simply moving related but I am sure it is intensified. 

I have been experiencing strange body reactions. Leg and arm get that feeling where I need to extend it in a position it wont move. stretching and exercise don’t allow it to subside. I have been bleeding between my period for a week ad a half  after I saw a counselor and cried I felt happier and more talkative. I am usually irritated by talking on the phone. The way my roommate words things irritates me. “my friend” or when Im asked “what did you do all day” or “what do you think” right after saying something that is the obvious answer like why are you asking me what I think you just gave yourself the answer why do you talk about.

I cant sleep with constricting/restricting clothing like bras or leggings or long sleeves.  what is the difference between constricting and restriction (just for my understanding)

I have to stop for tonight. my left pinky feels numb and tingly and so does my left had and it is making it difficult for me to type. I am feeling restless too. I cant keep typing in a small squished position. the side of my pinky finger feels over used. 

this is just a small rant of topics to help me remember what I wan’t to go into depth in my blog to help me analyze my thoughts..

I want my first topic to be on my self diagnosed “eating disorder”and how it has physically affected my body and my worries about possible thyroid interference.

to be continued...