#also who tf wakes up at 7 am on a sunday
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#literally going through one of the worst bouts of low self worth and self esteem in more than a year#i don’t think i’ll survive this one girlies#i thought it was gone that i was fine now#tough luck huh#felt sexy might delete later#also who tf wakes up at 7 am on a sunday#i should be out swimming and partying and getting tanned#instead i just wanna take my blanket over my head and draw the curtains and lie down on my bed and never get up#i just want to sleep for a long long time at least#or i want to call someone and cry#but everyone who loves me is far away in space and time#and i don’t have a time machine#to go back to 2019#this loneliness will kill me soon enough#save me joan didion self worth essay
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Happy Sunday beautiful people. I know it's been an intense time. I pray you’re staying safe and motivated as we continue pushing towards some serious changes for the better in our World. What a time to be ALIVE! As we are all preparing to reemerge into our new norms I have a couple updates. But first hi to all my new followers I am Ashaka Givens, the proud wearer of many hats. I’m an FIT alum who also studied Couture Tailoring Techniques in England. I started my professional career in Fashion Design over 20 years ago working in just about every aspect under the design umbrella from my start in Menswear to Costume Design/Wardrobe Styling to the development of my own Womenswear line. I’ve been blessed to design and work with some of the most prolific and visionary artists on the planet including Erykah Badu, Wangechi Mutu, and Julie Dash to name a few. As I’ve been reflecting during this time I remember when 9/11 hit it was a shock to say the least. I learned so much so fast about being flexible and resilient in order to navigate my life and business successfully. It was not an easy time at all yet from it my online presence was birthed. I thought 9/11 would have been my most challenging time but fast forward to presently waking up daily in the midst of a global pandemic, civil uprising, all while doing my best balancing act between what (tf) just happened & business as semi usual. It has been a feat! This time last year I was celebrating joining the new Brick & Mortar, The Collective At IndigoStyle and due to Covid 19 restrictions I had to make the hard decision to move out and bring the business back online full time. My website includes my latest collection that you can shop 24/7 as well as a contact page where you can schedule a private appointment with me for virtual shopping/consult/fitting/etc. I've even done private hat making & head wrap classes online. Speaking of which I'm putting the finishing touches on one of my first in a series of virtual events starting with my Mad Hatter’s tea party for my birthday. Please go to my website by clicking above to join the mailing list so I can be sure to invite you! Until then stay strong & blessed Much LOVE, Ashaka (at Bedford-Stuyvesant) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBbNZXgpk8J/?igshid=1psylbjqwqjz7
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I haven't really seen any of your personal posts but I am curious and would like to know, if it isn't any trouble
it isnt trouble im just glad someones interested bc i usually feel rly annoying this will get to the song point i promise but here goes tldr at the bottom. so it all started when my friend who i had only met a few months ago went out of his way to talk to me bc like we were relatively far appart. we were going to first period and he yells to me “get to class rose!” and i jokingly flip him off then he yells back “mines bigger” and we go on our ways. i hadent given it much thought at the time but now i see it as just the start of him trying to get closer to me. after that there wasnt much more conversation. then one day after school has ended he snapchats me out of no where and im like ?? ok and we start talking and hes sharing his antics and im just in amazement bc my life is pretty boring n he’s out here stayin in vegas alone (oh btw im gonna be a high school senior and hes gonna be a sophmore im a lil uncomf. with our grade gap but im not actually sure of his age but ik its not more than 2 years n age smooths out with time and im not interested in doing anything sexual atm even kissing would be rly pushing it) anyway be tells me a personal detail about himself ide rather not disclose but shows hes comfortable opening up to me. we sent eachother back and forth snaps of us making funny smooshed faces and stuff like that like i trust you not to screenshot and post this everywhere kinda face. soon after that wich was around the fourth of july he went off to camp and didn’t have his phone. i didn’t know he didn’t have/couldn’t use it and this whole time I’m freaking tf out and im here thinking OH MAH LORD WHAT IF HE DIED and internally sobbed. then after being sent home bc he broke his hand he gets back on sc and im like I THOUGHT YOU DIED ARE YOU OKAY!!!????!!?!?! and ever since then it’s been wishy washy bc he wouldn’t go on snapchat for hours and ik bc he has his location turned on on the map and it wasnt there. hes told me he doesnt have his phone which i regret not asking why but i assume his mom takes it or somrthing like oh its bad to be on it 24/7 somethin like that. hes also sent me pics of his torso but these increased post camp. he even sent one and captioned it “i felt hot in this one” and another 2 focusing on his mucles (hes not the most muscular but its noticeable hes got some) i think on sunday he was on and i sent a snap of me with my hair tied up in the front like a unicorn horn and my hair is like 6 and a half inches (17 cm) so its sticking up adding to the horn effect. then he sends me a snap back saying “well im single” and im like “me too” and hes just like *sigh* if only there was something i could do about it kinda sigh and im like “hey wanna hang at the beach wednesday anf hes like yeah but we never set a time before he didnt have his phone and all day wednesday me all shaved up (bc dysphoria and falling to societal beauty standards plus i wanted to wear my white short shorts with out my jungle creepin out mah butt cheecks and upper thighs lowkey mad i cant figue out how to tuck but i was gonna deal and do my best) i got my brows did my skin was doin ok and he wasnt on all day and i had a limited time frame to hang bc the beach is relatively far from where i live andi cant drive or have a car or get a ride and my mom doesnt trust me in uber or public transportation and idek bus schedules or how that works so i had to go with my mom to her job to then go to the beach bc they’re close to eachother but no meeting time set we dont hang i slowly steep into a pitty party and im like ok mood is sad woe is me then today i decide to stay home and seep into this poison of negativity and he snaps me if i wanna go to the mall and im here ready to throw myself of a cliff while on fire bc i had gone with my mom every day but today and im like well f*ck sh*t im so deeply upset and saw the potential to hang today and i feel so at fault for staying home the one day we could hang and nope. i hate having these feelings bc i have reason to believe he likes me and bc of that i ended up liking him back and it irritates me that we cant have consistent conversation and its just like when ever he happens to have his phone. i dont like when i catch feelings, form a crush, become infatuated and i say infatuated bc ik its not something as deep as love i dont know much about him but i do care for him. he blacked out bc of his diabetes and i was really concerned for him and i honestly feel like the mom friend sometimes. but i just want to get to know him and see if it leads beyond infatuation. whenever i get infatuated its often hard core and i have vivid images of us at the beach but also not. like its just me alone no boardwalk no docks no pier just me ocean sa d and sun. i dont like feeling so out of controll its overwhelming and suffocating. i like to believe im a hard cold b*tch whos in controll of my emotions but im not. i can be apathetic but romance just stikes me to my core and i hate it that my feelings always feel or are one sided like ik no one is obligated to like me back but it seems like he does like me. i dont care but do care, deeply, at the same time its a mess and i hate having these negative feelings its like poison in my soul its heavy and petrifying. my tarot readings have been discouraging but my pendulum readings have said he likes me (i havent done a pendulum in the past few days but it still seems like he does) idk i guess im clingy and i feel like i annoy ppl a lot and with the song cut to the feeling its like cut to the feeling i wanna play where you play with the angles i wanna wake up with you all in tangles no more hesitation this is on not in order but you get the picture i didnt really pay much attention to the lyrics bc i think its a great sounding song as with most of my music but then i started to sing (terribly) and learn the lyrics and i wanna be in a relationship but when i think about it and im put in the situation it could happen i panic like suddendly everything is moving so fast and sometimes i even start trembling and shaking and i dont wanna rush into things so fast but i still love the song but now all i can think about is this whole situation and the song only presses it. i asked him how he feels about me and im waiting for a response. idk im just not feelin too good and this is really bringin me down and i could get over it and be done or at least i believe i could but i dont want to.. anyway yeah the song is pressing these sore spots in my emotional mess and its makin me sad sorry this is so long but im glad someone cared to hear
TLDR: im an emotional mess bc i cant talk to my crush often and had missed and failed chances to hang out. i wanna see where things go but not rush into things and cut to the feeling is a good song but its poking at these tender feelings.
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i was tagged by @amidqlas thank you!!
i tag: @warinfinities @mistressoswald @punkpylades @claryfray @kylcsrey @skywaalker @dianacprince @drookebavis @marlasinger @dracoharry @ginsharry (sorry if you’ve already done this)
the last 1. drink: coffee 2. phone call: my mum 3. text message: a friend 4. song you listened to: i don’t remember i haven’t listened to anything today 5. time you cried: this morning cause i was woken up by the garabge truck at 7:20 AGAIN 6. dated someone twice: ??? i haven’t dated anyone ever at all what 7. kissed someone and regretted it: what’s a kiss i’ve never heard of such a thing 8. been cheated on: ... 9. lost someone special: yeah 10. been depressed: haha of course 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: i don’t drink parents love me
3 favorite colors 12. blue 13. red 14. black
in the last year have you 15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: no 18. found out someone was talking about you: idk man 19. met someone who changed you: dude. idk. my memory sucks ok 20. found out who your friends are: not really 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: stop asking me these questions istg general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: ??? some. i mean i don’t use my facebook my mum does. she plays farmville lmao 23. do you have any pets: sigh no 24. do you want to change your name: not really. it’s be nice if it didn’t get autocorrected to ‘urine’ tho 25. what did you do for your last birthday: nothing. just a normal day cause i don’t have friends ayy this got depressing real quick 26. what time did you wake up: um i alreay told you 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: s l e e p i n g 28. name something you can’t wait for: my mum to come home 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: on sunday 31. what are you listening to right now: nothing mate 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: no. where do you think i live in america??? no on’es called tom here tf 33. something that is getting on your nerves: the fact that every single morning something fcking wakes me up 34. most visited website: tumblr sigh 35. hair colour: dark brown 36. long or short hair: short 37. do you have a crush on someone: no 38. what do you like about yourself: my sarcasm
39. piercings: i mean my ears are pierced but other than that no 40. blood type: a+ 41. nickname: like my family calles me ini, my friends call me iri, one of my teachers calls me ira for some reason idk & some people call me ina 42. relationship status: single 43. zodiac: capricorn 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: i mean doctor who used to be my fav but i can’t get into the new season so who knows 46. tattoos: nope 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: no 49. piercing: wait again?? 50. sport: lol who?? 51. vacation: i’d love to go to ny & paris 52. pair of trainers: yeah
MORE GENERAL 53. eating: grilled cheese sandwich 54. drinking: I ALREADY TOLD YOU 55. i’m about to: watch a movie. also james mcavoy has been in all the movies i’ve been watching recently. must be a sgin or something idk 56. waiting for: my mum :/ 57. want: like a friend?? 58. get married: nonononono i don’t see the point of marriage at all (hey that kinda rhymes) 59. career: ??? WHICH IS BETTER 60. hugs or kisses: well how am i supposed to know 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: taller 63. older or younger: older 64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker HAVE YOU EVER: 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: no 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: yeah but i found them 70. turned someone down: lmao 71. sex on the first date: nah mate 72. broken someone’s heart: no 73. had your heart broken: no 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: no... i was like 5 tho i didn’t know what was going on 76. fallen for a friend: kinda DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 77. yourself: lmao who i don’t know her 78. miracles: no 79. love at first sight: no no no no 80. santa claus: no 81. kiss on the first date: depends 82. angels: no OTHER: 83. current best friend’s name: maggie 84. eye colour: dark brown 85. favourite movie: les mis?
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@nickygrimms tagged me to do the 92 truths game so!!! thank u!
Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!
THE LAST…
1. Drink: water (thats all i drink tbh)
2. Phone call: it’s been Weeks but probably the library
3. Text message: i texted my sister abt the sims
4. Song you listened to: kiwi by harry styles
5. Time you cried: i was close to crying on sunday but i didnt... i think i cried some time last week about 1) michael and 2) flinthamilton reunion
HAVE YOU EVER…
6. Dated someone twice: ive never dated someone ONCE lol
7. Been cheated on: nope
8. Kissed someone and regretted it: cant regret it if u never do it B)
9. Lost someone special: yea
10. Been depressed: a little bit?
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no
LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS
foresty green, yellow (like the van gogh sunflower shade of yellow), and maroon
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…
15. Made new friends: yep!!
16. Fallen out of love: no
17. Laughed until you cried: yes
18. Found out someone was talking about you: idt so?
19. Met someone who changed you: yes i think every friend changes my life bc im so grateful to have friends
20. Found out who your true friends are: yes
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i have 2 fb friends and no i have not kissed either of them
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life? 1 (hey thats half of them though!)
23. Do you have any pets?: yea 3 dogs
24. Do you want to change your name?: yeaaah it’s a Struggle bc i dont like it but its my Name and i feel stupid trying to go by smth else? idk :/
25. What did you do for your last birthday? ummmm i went to a used bookstore and treated myself to half of inxs’s albums.. then i think i got taco bell for lunch? and ate spaghetti for dinner. AND played mass effect andromeda for the first time
26. What time did you wake up? YIKES today is a bad day to ask lol i think i wasnt up until 12:45 or later...
27. What were you doing at midnight last night? drivin home :// rip
28. Name something you cannot wait for: like in the big scheme of things, i cant wait to learn the Skills necessary for my dream job so i can make video games for a living
29. When was the last time you saw your mother: i see her right now
30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i mean there are things i wish were different but more in a “i’ll accomplish these things one day” and not just “i want to change this now” ??? idk
31. What are you listening to right now: a compilation of kirk pengilly’s sax solos
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: 1) the fact i have to pee and im not getting up to go and 2) i need to draw and i WANT to draw and yet...
34. Most visited website: probably twitter bc i always go on there n talk
35. Elementary: yes
36. High school: yes
37. College/university: no... bc of $$$
38. Hair color: brown
39. Long hair or short: it’s like shoulder length rn but i want it long again so
40. Do you have a crush on someone: not IRL
41. What do you like about yourself: physically i love my nose which i used to hate a LOT but not anymore, i like my eyes and how many freckles i have, and then not-physically i like that i’m a nice and soft person and i’m emotional and sensitive and i think thats nice plus i think i have Cool taste in movies and music and things
42. Piercings: no i am so scared of needles and it’ll never happen
43. Blood type: how tf should i know
44. Nickname: none rlly? i want a nickname tho someone give me one
45. Relationship status: single but Actually luke arnold is my Boyfrend so
46. Zodiac sign: taurus
47. Pronous: she/her but im not... idk im chill
48. Favorite TV show: black sails!! but i also love battlestar galactica a LOT and chuck is one of my favs too.. i could go on but this only asked for fav and not top 5 lol
49. Tattoos: none bc... im scared of needles.. and i’ll probably never get one lol i’m a weenie
50. Right or left hand: right
FIRST…
51. Surgery: ive never had one
52. Piercings: none
54. Sport: um?? ive never really Done a sport like i’ve never been on a team or anything. but i did a lot of biking and i was a hardcore jump-roper when i was little
55. Vacation: the beach!!
56. Pair of trainers: “what is this asking lol” same nour
57. Eating: im not currently eating anything
58. Drinking: water
59. I’m about to: go through all the tabs i have open RIP
60. Listening to: various inxs songs, i just finished learn to smile and now im listening to we are thrown together
61. Waiting for: hmmm... breakfast tmm... tomorrow in general bc im gonna Do things... my beach vacation later this summer... im always waiting for when i achieve my Ultimate Goal of making video games but that sort of implies im not doing anything abt it and thats not tru
62. Want: some food... some potatoes... i want to start some more hobbies like embroidery, gardening, and yoga maybe?? and i want to be able to do handstands and splits so i wanna do more stretching and what not.. i want lots of things but not in a whiny/im not trying to achieve these goals type of way if that makes sense
63. Get married: i mean maybe... like the concept is cute... when i look at my Favs (read: luke) i’m like “yeah i would marry them in a heartbeat” but irl i just dont know we’ll see.. im a Romantic type of person (despite being aromantic lol) but for me i need just a Soul Connection w/ someone and if it’s not in a marriage type of way then thats okay? idk man
64. Career: oh i know this one!!! video game programmer!!!
YOUR TYPE…
65. Hugs or kisses: ???? how can i answer this??? if i loved someone i would want hugs AND kisses?? but yeah hugs probably
66. Lips or eyes: ugh this is so hard i dont know??? bc w/ ppl i like i always appreciate all their features so much... i dont know which i prefer.. but to answer the question i guess i’ll go w/ eyes
67. Taller or shorter: taller
68. Older or younger: older than me or at least born the same year idk im always younger than my friends and it’s weird to be older than ppl
70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach... i like a soft tummy but like idk arms are just arms yknow...
71. Sensitive or loud: 100% sensitive
72. Hook up or relationship: relationship
73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hm... i would say hesitant bc i am but then i dont know, balance /is/ key right... can i just say like “reasonable” instead of an extreme lol
HAVE YOUR EVER… (these are all gonna be no’s lol)
74. Kissed a stranger: no
75. Drank hard liquor: no
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no
77. Turned someone down: i mean not really?
78. Sex on the first date: no
79. Broken someone’s heart: no
80. Had your heart broken: every episode of black sails broke my heart so yeah
81. Been arrested: no
82. Cried when someone died: who doesnt cry when someone dies lol yes
83. Fallen for a friend: i dont Know what romantic feelings are so how would i know
DO YOU BELIEVE IN…
84. Yourself: yep
85. Miracles: yes
86. Love at first sight: like i know it’s not Really but hey why not i think it’s a cute idea ,,, i think u can get Vibes from people and u can be attracted to their vibe yknow
87. Santa Claus: no
88. Kiss on the first date: sure
89. Angels: yes
OTHER…
90. Current best friend’s names: trina & alyssa (and u nour!!)
91. Eye color: blue
92: Favorite movie: jurassic park!!!! bc of bby joe mazzello and it’s just a good movie. and also my fav but in a different way is catch me if you can... and i’m having a hard time not saying the great gatsby too AND rush bc 1) chris hemsworth and 2) race cars!!! and 3) i love niki lauda and daniel bruhl’s accent in it is so good... also one more is snowpiercer, it would be my top fav except that it’s so heavy and i have to be in a super specific vibe to watch it... anyway those are my favs sort of in order
and i’ll tag the same ppl i always tag to do this: @punkrockaries @ageofthesith @fignewmans
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rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose however many people you want to tag!
tagged by: @hsinlvegas who has gotten me addicted to pinterest aesthetic boards and i’m mad at her for it but she’s still p rad.
tagging: whoever wants to do it lmao idk it’s 2:30am here idek whats up or down rn i should probably be asleep but also like.... no.
LAST… [1] drink: water (i’m so exciting /sarcasm) [2] phone call: my mom called me while she was driving home from work [3] text message: “oh my god no. not the kidz bop. pls no” - to my sister [4] song you listened to: reaching by audiomachine (which is so good pls go listen to it) [5] time you cried: last night thinking about steve irwin and how i owe him my entire life and career bc in 2 weeks i’m starting my first official zookeeping job and he was a huge inspiration for me as a kid
-REST UNDER THE CUT-
HAVE YOU EVER…
[6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: no [9] lost someone special: yes [10] been depressed: ☜(゚ヮ゚☜) all the fuckin time my dudes [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no but i’ve gotten so anxious i’ve thrown up??
LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] teal [13] pale yellow [14] silver
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes! [16] fallen out of love: no [17] laughed until you cried: yes [18] found out someone was talking about you: yeah i mean i’m sure there are like three people who bitch about me all the time lmao [19] met someone who changed you: yes~ (in a good way) [20] found out who your true friends are: (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ -bitter fucking laughter- [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: ye - my wonderful girlfriend~
GENERAL… [22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: i mean, i’ve met a lot of them after becoming friends on tumblr, but then i have some old high school friends and some internship friends on here, too.... so like 10 or so? probably a few more than that. [23] do you have any pets: my asshole cat, robin: the cat wonder, lives with me in my apartment. at home i have a beagle/terrier mutt named copper and a gray tabby named dusty. i’m hoping to maybe get a ball python this summer but i’m not sure yet! [24] do you want to change your name: yeah, i’ve considered it b/c trans but i’m not entirely sure what i want yet.... [25] what did you do for your last birthday: wielded a chainsaw, ate shitty walmart cake and watched step brothers with some classmates in a remote cabin in southern illinois? not my first choice but not terrible, all things considered. didn’t lose any limbs that day so i can’t complain. [26] what time did you wake up: robin woke me up at like, 5:30am to get fed, but then i went back to sleep again until 7:30, text billy to have a good day at work, and then i went back to sleep again until 9:45 b/c i didn’t have my 9am class today hell yeah [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: uh, pinterest-ing for my character aesthetic boards.... >_> [28] name something you cannot wait for: graduating college and being the fuck done with schoooooool. also mother fuckin wonDER WOMAN. [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: april 23rd [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: how far away all the ppl i care about are :(((( [31] what are you listening to right now: more audiomachine but i was watching friends in the background earlier [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ye my old neighbor was named tom he was real nice [33] something that is getting on your nerves: not in the angry way but in the anxious way- i have to give a presentation on my research project to the college board in like... 6 hours. [35] elementary: yes? [36] high school: done [37] college: sO CLOSE TO DONE I LITERALLY HAVE TWO CLASSES LEFT [38] hair color: brown.... it used to have a white patch and be fun, but i dyed it for superboy and now i’m battling with myself debating if i should dye it back bc “””professional””” for jobs but that’s so boring i want to look like shiro again :((( [39] long or short hair: short god please short, regardless of what gender i present, short is so much nicer since my hair is so thiiiiick [40] do you have a crush on someone: ye my a m a z i n g girlfriend uwu [41] what do you like about yourself?: noncommittal shrug emoji? i like my eye color i think that’s pretty radical since it’s like a gray-teal color. i guess i’m a pretty good resource for random ass animal facts too [42] piercings: mmmm i mean, i don’t care for them or about them that much? [43] blood type: literally no idea which is probably bad [44] nickname: sunshine, sam, sammy, teddy, timmy, timtam, dad [45] relationship status: -heart eyes emojis @ billy- [46] zodiac sign: aries i think? idk all i care is my celtic zodiac is a fox, so [47] pronouns: he/him [48] fav tv show: f ri ck en brooklyn 99 [49] tattoos: not yet, but after i get top surgery and no longer run the disk of mutilating or stretching it, i wanna get tim’s robin symbol on my chest [50] right or left handed: left!
FIRST… [51] surgery: wisdom teeth were my first surgery, i think? [52] piercing: got my earlobes pierced when i was like, 12? idk i don’t wear them anymore so they’ve all but closed up [53] best friend: this girl on the playground in preschool named asya but after her was this girl named natalie that i was friends with from kindergarten all through junior high. she just got married like, a month ago and i feel old [54] sport: like to actually continue with was soccer - i started at 6 i think [55] vacation: that i remember? disney world b/c my dad had drill down in florida so my parents dragged my sister and i with bc we didn’t have to pay for the hotel lol [56] pair of trainers: wut
RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothin [58] drinking: water [59] i’m about to: sleep maybe, hopefully? [60] listening to: still audiomachine since they just asked this question like 10 questions ago..... [61] waiting for: my anxiety to calm tf down so i can go to sleep [62] want: foooood. i ate dinner really early (5pm) and now it’s 10 hours later so i want food again. [63] get married: -super noncommittal and also confused, disgruntled noises- ?? [64] career: dream career is a zookeeper, honestly. it’s what i’m doing, i’ve worked really hard to get to the place where i am, and i’m happy with it
WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: no preference [68] older or younger: usually i get along better with ppl older than me- all my closest friends are older by 2 years or more except like..... amy [69] romantic or spontaneous: anxiety and spontaneity don’t mix lmao [70] nice arms or nice stomach: either or both or neither is fine idrc [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant only bc troublemaker makes me anxious lmao
HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nope [75] drank hard liquor? ye i’ve had like. one whole vodka and lemonade in my entire life because i am a raging party animal /sarcasm [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? i lose my contacts in my eyeball sometimes [77] turned someone down? ye kinda. my ~best friends~ have this bad habit of ~falling in love with me~ and then getting pissed when i don’t return the feeling and treating me like crap :)))) [78] sex on first date? nope [79] broken someone’s heart? sure maybe idk. not on purpose. [80] had your own heart broken? no [81] been arrested? nope [82] cried when someone died? i’m a monster and have no feelings so no, not really. i usually go into emotional shock and stop processing everything [83] fallen for a friend: kind of
DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? noooope [85] miracles? listen on friday i catered an event and the idiot who packed it up for us on their shift the day before forgot to put matches in the gathering. and the truck drivers loaded it onto the truck before i could check that everything was there. so we got to the location and couldn’t light the sternos for the hot food but somehow we found a box of matches in the kitchenette we were serving out of so yes i believe in miracles [86] love at first sight? maybe? idk not really i really don’t understand how anyone could love someone without knowing a bunch about them first [87] santa claus? billY AND I SAW SANTA ON OUR WAY UP TO C2E2 ON SUNDAY OKAY HIS CAR WAS RED AND SAID “MY OTHER RIDE IS A SLEIGH” AND HIS LICENSE PLATE SAID KRINGLE AND HE HAD A BIG WHITE BEARD IT WAS AMAZING OKAY. [88] kiss on the first date? maybe for ppl who aren’t like. super anxious about everything all the time [89] angels? no
OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: marble, emma [91] eye color: teal-gray, which sounds pretentious and White Person af but like..... that’s the best way to describe them [92] favorite movie: i don’t knowwww that’s a hard one ;_;
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