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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years ago

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The Mystery (White Demon's Love Song, Part 4.)

Series description: A new job was what the reason you found yourself on a lonely roadtrip on the western coast, ending up in the woods of Olympian Peninsula. Yet a sudden car malfuction was what cause your unplanned stay in Forks. To your surprise, there was a lot of sinister things going on under the veil of fog.

Part summary: There was no denying inside your mind - Jacob was suspicious and something was going on with him. Yet as you try to make up your mind about the whole thing, you encounter an unwelcomed visitor.

A/N: So, honestly, there is a LOT going on in this chapter alone. But I like that, at least we ain’t static and we keep pushing the story forward. Also, Charlie’s here’

Tagging: @missdictatorme

Word count: 4.7 K

Twilight playlist: ✨ Twilight Crackheads ✨

Series masterlist: H E R E

The muscle pain was too much for you as you tried to get out of the bed. You knew you won't get up when you were walking up the whole night. Even your mood was moron-ish. Jacob was still sleeping on the sofa when you took a shower and made all of your morning rituals peacefully. Great. It was roughly seven in the morning. There was a deep mist and it was raining outside - but dear God, you couldn't wait to go on a long walk. As you watched Jacob sleeping, you decided to leave him a note.

'Jake, I went outside. It was raining, so I borrowed a raincoat from the hanger. I'll be back soon.' - That was all you wrote there. You didn't know there you were about to go yet, but the idea of Jacob knowing where you were venturing made you worried. At first, you wanted to go to the city center to look around Forks - but then you turned in the woods. You should try to look around... Maybe for a walk at least a mile or so.

There was a small path, a barely visible one - you were pretty sure that this was the spot where Jacob disappeared last night. Quickly, you looked around and ventured between the trees. God, it was cold again. The mist was leaving your mouth again and you had goosebumps. The wet ferns weren't helping at all; the leaves were smoothing your calves and it was making small maps of water on your legs. Your skin was freezing at those small spots. The ground was soaking wet but hard nonetheless.

You were walking down the path with your head more or less empty. There were no thoughts - sure, the suspicions were trying to make their way into the spotlight, but you didn't still want to believe that Jacob would be a killer for real. The fear was purely irrational, the whole deal was coming out of a troubled relationship you had before.

The man was an asshole. A serious one. You were young and dumb when you started dating him. There was no domestic violence involved in the relationship, but he was making an advantage out of his physical appearance. Ever since that moment, you didn't have the best feeling about physically noticeable men. Yet although the fear was inside you, it didn't mean at all that Jacob would be similar to the said ex-boyfriend and he, indeed, wasn't. Yet this behavior was particularly strange. Who would be walking into the woods in the night, coming back in the early morning?

It took you almost twenty minutes to stop and look around. Small raindrops were falling onto the soil, the ambient sounds of the forest were like a blessing to your soul. Then you noticed. At first, you didn't notice anything. You almost thought that you were delusional. Quickly, you glanced around and walked off the path, to rise a piece of cloth laying on a lonely root. It was still there when you walked to it and picked it up. It was... It used to be a torso of a t-shirt with a print of sorts. It was torn to shreds.

Something clicked inside your brain. When Jacob took you inside his flat, there were shreds of clothes laying everywhere. At first, you suspected that Jake might be a monster in the sheets or something like that - yet the ghost of Bella and an absence of a woman in the flat made you sure it's not the case. Now, there were shreds of clothes in the woods. It was at that moment when you heard a thud. You couldn't tell what it was. At first, you thought that Jacob might've caught you at his sacred place - yet when you turned around, there was no one. Okay, it was time to go back. You were freezing anyway. Quickly, you turned back to the path and started walking in a quick tempo - your palm pushed the shred deep into one of the pockets and fastened without realizing it. Another thud canceled the silence - it was way closer than the last time.

Your blood froze when you realized you've heard a growl. Quickly, you ran for your life. It didn't matter what it was, you didn't look back - you were terrified. Once, you almost fell on the ground. The shop was just behind the trees when you realized something growled just a step behind you as if something was playing games with you. A horrified squeal came out of your lips as you jumped forward, landing on the small lawn at the back entrance. There was a feeling of stupidity as you started crying, but you indeed were laying on your back, watched the sky, and cried. Soon after, you realized someone was touching you. With a scream, you pushed yourself off the someone before realizing it's just Jacob. Just Jacob who was going on walks in deep nights. Honestly, it was better to be killed by someone you already knew than getting harmed by something that was chasing you down in the woods.

"Did something happen to you?" - The man started to check you - his palms were searching for something in your arms and face as if he was expecting to find something. - "I swear that it might sound crazy, but I know something was chasing me down. Something was there in the woods with me, Jacob, I swear." - Dear Lord, you were chaotically mumbling without knowing what was coming out of your mouth. Then something else clicked. - "Dear God, you're burning, Jacob." - As you wanted to put your palm on his forehead, Jacob suddenly pulled away and got back on his legs. - "You're just freezing, trust me. Did you see anything?" - The man asked. He didn't think you're crazy. More so, he was taking you dead serious. And fuck, you couldn't tell what was worse.

"No, I just heard weird thuds... You know... As if something was jumping from tree to tree..." - It was coming out of your mouth unconsciously as you were getting up as well. - "Forget it. I think that Forks is just stressing me the hell out. I'm not used to this atmosphere and weather." - But Jacob didn't answer this allegation. More so, he was getting more and more serious.

"I... Need to go somewhere. Would you mind if I leave you at Charlie's for a while? You're going to be safe with him, I swear." - Jacob asked seriously. This was making you crazy. What was happening? Why did he know that something might be happening? - "Don't you want to tell me what's going on here?" - This was everything you were capable of saying. - Jacob froze down for a second before he knew what to say. - "We have a lot of mountain lions here in the last few months. I'll drive to my friend's to assemble a hunting party." - Wait a moment... You just told him something was jumping from a tree to tree, like a monkey, and he told you about mountain lions with a dead ass face. This wasn't adding up.

But it was a good idea to spend some time at the police station. It might calm you down, it lets you come to different thoughts and conclusions. Charlie might know something about all of this too, why wouldn't he? - "Yeah, that's probably the best idea." - This was all you need to say. Jacob instructed you to take the towtruck and gave you the address, which you then wrote to navigation. He told you he's going to take the bike - it was Saturday, so he didn't have to pull a small board with 'Closed' written on it, but he still made sure it's hanging on the garage door. Just before you took off - after you changed your clothes and put the dirty ones into the laundry, Jacob called Charlie and asked him if it's okay to send you there. Sure, Jake might as well send you to Newton's outdoor shop or he could straightaway take you to La Push with him to hear every fucking secret.

Charlie's was most likely the safest place right now. Why? Jacob knew precisely what was hunting you in the woods and Charlie's house was monitored almost all the time since Charlie was a part of the La Push family and he still was Bella's dad. They were keeping an eye out there. It was one of the leeches - and it was so insolent that it almost hunt you down to a werewolf's liar. It was late to chase the thing down, yet the smell gave it away. It was the same woman he, Seth, and Embry encountered just two days. Now, it knew where he lives. Honestly, Jacob couldn't care less. Sure, vampires could be a problem, but not a real danger for a shifter like him. If the bloodsucker would try to sneak into the flat, he would have no real problem defending it. The problem was that this was too close to the city - the group was trying to get closer and closer with each day. They needed to change schedules again, serrulate around Forks.

Thanks to God, Charlie didn't have any problem with taking you in for the afternoon - he even told Jake he might be going on a visit to Billy's, which sounded like a good idea. Jake knew you were there on a road trip and the beaches were a must-see. Also, La Push was soaked with their stench and guarded all day. Every werewolf that was trying to rest after the watch was ready to strike any time. - "Hey..." - Jacob made you roll the window down. It was raining more than before, so he was soaking wet within the next minute. Yet he didn't seem to notice it. - "I know it's weird, but trust me, you don't want to do one-v-one with a mountain lion. It would win for sure." - This made you grin as you shook your head. - "Maybe I have superpowers. What can you know?" - For a moment, you just chatted and neither of you knew there was a pair of curious eyes sitting up high in the trees, listening to every word of the conversation.

Hell, this whole trip was already too crazy, why would you get scared by spending your afternoon at some policeman's house? If anything, this seemed to be the most reasonable thing you did in the last three days. The stay in Forks was straight out of a movie or a book. Soon after you took off, you noticed that the navigation certainly wasn't taking you to the police station. You were driving to the other side of Forks, to a pretty large neighborhood. - "Evergreen Loop... One... Three..." - You counted the housed, crouching out of the window like an idiot. Well, you didn't have a chance of missing Charlie Swan's house - the man was standing there with an empty expression, waiting for you outside the door in old jeans and a flannel shirt. How did no-one living here feel cold? You've seen a guy in shorts, in this heavy rain, when you were on your way here.

Carefully, you put your car behind the chief's police car and you ran to the door as quickly as you could, nervously grinning at Charlie when you were climbing down the stairs. - "I... Hey. I know it's weird, but when I was on a walk this morning, I stomped upon a mountain lion and it made me scared, so I refused to stay at Jacob's workshop." - This was a fabricated lie, but some facts here and there aligned. Honestly, Charlie wasn't in a mood of finding out what was happening - the only thing he knew was that you needed babysitting for the day and since he was alone at home, why wouldn't he let you stay there?

The house was big on the inside, although it could be seen that it's very old. The colors were faded, the furniture was old... Well, at least the house was nicely warm and there weren't shreds of clothes laying everywhere. You could appreciate that. - "Do you want something warm to drink?" - Charlie asked, still standing behind you, which made you freak out a bit. With was going on since last night, when you noticed Jacob's spending excessive time in the woods, you were kind of jumpy. Who wouldn't be? - "That would be great, thank you." - The smile wasn't convincing at all, but Charlie wasn't the one to ask. He just started to make you a cup of tea. Quietly, you've sat at the table in the kitchen and took a look around. There was a lot of photos held by magnets on his fridge.

On one of them, there was Charlie next to an old, white-haired man. Both of them were dressed in fishing equipment, holding their rods proudly with a big smile. Then, there was Charlie and a girl... Who was strikingly similar to him - the resemblance was undeniable. Both had dark, brown eyes and hair, the same uneasy smiled and awkward posture. But the girl was pretty. Her features were balanced and calm as she smiled to the camera - this must've been Bella, you concluded. On another picture, there was Bella and fuck, someone had to figure out her angle there - because she was breathtaking. There was an equally handsome man next to her, holding a small girl on his forearm. Her husband and daughter, you figured out without a problem. The girl was resembling her mother a lot too, so this must've been in the family. On the last, and presumably the most recent one, there was Charlie with a beautiful black-haired woman his age. Yet her skin was russet's, like Jacob's. Was Charlie his dad? No, you stopped yourself. These two were nothing alike.

"What you're studying there?" - Charlie muttered out suddenly, making you feel like a guilty five-year-old. Well, you didn't have to stare at the fridge so obviously, yet you did. You deserved this. Although the Bella questions were itching your tongue, especially after seeing her happily married on the photo, you decided to ask on the last one. - "Is that your wife? I mean, she's really pretty." - Quickly, you pointed at the photo of him and the black-haired woman. Charlie was kissing her temple there while she was laughing at the camera. The man got flustered pretty easily. Maybe, you shouldn't ask about such personal things. God, what if she was dead? Oh, no. - "That's not my wife. It's my girlfriend, you could say, I guess... Her name's Sue and she's from La Push. She's staying here for the most part, but her son isn't feeling too well lately, so she wanted to stay at their house for some time." - Wow.

Charlie himself was surprised by how many did he tell you about his relationship with Sue. It was probably just that he wasn't used to being alone - Sue and he were taking it seriously for the last few years and she was there for him the whole time since Bella moved out of Forks. Yet he was alone in the house for the last week... So it was probably showing a bit. Usually, he wasn't this opened with strangers, but you were in Bella's age and honestly, he needed someone's company. Sue barely picked up the phone in the last few days and she was very worried about Seth for the most part.

He was a cop, right? And ever since he knew about Jacob's funky business, he naturally figured out what was wrong with Seth. The young boy was in the same business as Jacob. He needed Sue to take care of him, and Charlie, being a single parent himself, could understand that. Naturally, Charlie didn't know everything about the werewolves - he didn't ask Jacob a single question about it, because he refused to be directly involved in their 'wolf thing'. And the wolves re-appearing meant that most likely, something much more dangerous than a few overbred mountain lions is lurking around Forks, which was also the reason Jacob drove to Sam's. That was all Charlie knew and he wanted to keep it that way.

The man wouldn't say it out loud, but you were kind of a welcomed guest at the house. You welcomed the stay there since, in this house, you felt much safer - and Charlie had some company. He knew that he won't be talking much, but he was glad he isn't entirely alone in there. - "You've told me that your car broke down, right?" - He asked as he sat down at the table as well, giving you the cup of tea. In answer, you nodded. - "You also talked about Tacoma." - "Yeah. I wanted to travel a bit before settling down because of my job at Tacoma. Which led me here." - "Great!" - Charlie exclaimed all of a sudden, making your eyes widen at such a reaction. - "I was planning on visiting a friend of mine living in La Push and trust me, the beaches are something you can't miss. The friend is Jake's dad." - Charlie said with an important smile. Oh no, he thought that you're having... Something.

First off, it was too early to even get to know each other, let alone have something with the 'split-personality Jacob'. Second off... Why on earth would you fancy a guy about who you thought he might kill you in a gruesome way? He had his chances and truly, he hadn't killed you yet, but maybe he was just waiting for a chance. Especially after his late-night walks, that were super-off in your opinion. - "Uhm, I would like to come along. Not... Not to see Jacob's dad, of course. I would like to see the beaches. If you're saying I have to see them, then I have to see them." - Once more, you smiled at took a sip of the hot drink. You needed just that.

The conversation between you and Charlie was rather subtle and not too personal. But it was nice. Charlie was a calm, reserved man who was better at listening than talking. When there was nothing left to talk about, he invited you to watch a baseball game - and just after a few minutes after it started, you found yourself dead asleep in the armchair. No wonder there - you've spent at least half of the night awake, so you were tired as hell. The man, to your surprise, threw a blanket over you - and since he wasn't the cooking type, he ordered pizza, one for each. He didn't wake you up to ask you about the ingredients, so he just hoped he'd get it right. And to his surprise, you almost cried when he woke you up, telling you the lunch is served on the table.

It took you a grand total of ten minutes to pay Charlie for the food. Jacob might've noted something about being low on budget when Charlie asked him why he's having you at the workshop, so naturally, he presumed the lunch is his treat. It was just a damn pizza, for God's sake. It wouldn't ruin his financial plan or anything like that. When he refused to take the money again, you just put it on the table as you were leaving for La Push. He was driving first in his police car with you just meters from the back of his police car.

The reservation was a magical place, you had to say. The woods were strikingly similar, but... The feeling was different. The houses were smaller and less frequent. As Charlie took a turn, you followed - both of you stopped in front of a small house with a red facade, which was almost entirely gone. It was a tiny house - a young woman was standing in the subtle rain, smiling at Charlie mostly. Next to her, a man was sitting in a wheelchair - his smile was even wider. His hair was just like Jacob's, long and black. Their features were also very similar. So this was Jacob's dad, you assumed. And this... Was either his mother, a friend, another family member, or Jacob's sister. Your bets on sister, but who knew?

Since the very first moment, it was evident that Charlie and Billy, as the man introduced himself to you, knew each other for a whole eternity. There was a lot of laughter, internal joke and for the most part, they weren't paying you any attention at all. Which was good. But the young woman didn't let you go unnoticed. She, also, was strikingly similar to Jake and charming. It was one of those girls which you think you already met and knew, even when you met them for the first time. - "My name's Rachel. Hi." - She walked to you with her arms entwined on her chest and a big smile on her face. - "I'm Y/N, nice to meet you." - Oh, the phrase sounded bad after a total of two days you've spent in Forks and near cities. How many times will you introduce yourself to someone? - "And you're driving my younger brother's most beloved car." - She joked, but it didn't come across as funny to you. Another extremely weird smile appeared on your face as you got flustered. Charlie and Billy had disappeared inside the house some time ago, so now you were alone with Rachel.

"Um... That's a long and wild story." - This was all you answered. - "Charlie told me about the beaches here and that I have to see them? Can you give me instructions on how to get there? I don't want to bother you." - This taken Rachel away. So, you surely weren't Jacob's fling, because the whole topic made you unnerved. Yet she was interested in the story. - "What if... We take Jake's car and go there together? It might be fine to have some company." - She smiled. This time, there wasn't anything flustering about what she said. And to be honest, it was nice to go there with someone... Who wasn't a man? Except for Mrs. Peterson, and the weird conversation between you and Mrs. Newton, you hadn't talked to a girl... In a few weeks. - "Okay then, take the lead."

Throughout the whole time, Rachel was pumped about driving in the towtruck. From what she told you, you understood that the car was Jake's most beloved possession and that he rarely let it out of his sight. She made you swore not to tell him she was driving the truck. It was as you approached the beach when it struck you - why Charlie told you that you have to visit the beach. It was the atmosphere. The sea was lazily rolling small rocks around, there was a lot of washed-out logs on the beach, used as benches and an impressive number of people. - "Welcome to La Push." - Rachel smiled at you when she saw the way you looked around the beach. The most interesting thing for your eyes were two small isles just hundreds of feet from the beach. One could swim there.

"So, will you tell me the story?" - The woman asked when you walked to the beach, deciding that you will have a small walk to the nearby pounds in the woods. You started talking - how you planned on moving to Tacoma and getting a job there, about the whole road trip, and how you got stuck in Forks - highlighting the part where Jacob helped you out a big-time to make her little brother look good. Of course, you told her about the mountain lion thing. Rachel knew that was a lie, but she kept her mouth shut. - "Don't tell him I told you, but... Jake was never a bad guy. Sure, he had his moments and periods of being... A big asshole, but he has a good heart. After our dad." - Rachel smiled when you stopped just a couple of yards from the trees, standing there with your palms in the pockets of your jackets. The wind was really cold, but it didn't make the place less magical. - "Billy seems like a jolly person." - You acknowledged. - "Oh man, you should've seen him before the car crash. He was running around like crazy." - Rachel smiled sadly. There was a banter that kept you from asking about what happened to Billy, but Rachel started to talk on your own.

Just like you felt nice in her company, you seemed like a nice, trustworthy person as well. Since it didn't look like you'll be telling Jacob everything she told you, she started talking. It would be hard to talk about Sara, that was their mom, and the night just a few years back. But since she got back to La Push and started dating Paul, one of Jake's friends, she found reconciliation there. It was like a cure for her soul when she could tell someone who was simply listening. No dumb questions asked, no weird looks, anything - just listening to the story. Of course, she let out everything about the shifters, but she gave you a pretty good idea about what was going. - "I'm sorry if this sounds weird, but... Something's bugging the living hell out of me since we visited Mrs. Peterson because of her old car." - You started on your way up to the pounds. Rachel didn't need to hear the rest of it. - "Bella Swan, isn't it?" - She asked, knowing precisely what you had on your mind.

"The girl wrapped Jake around her finger pretty well. To be honest, I know Jake wasn't always the nicest to her either, but... I don't know. It was wild if I can be honest with you. She left Forks after she married one of the Cullens and sometimes, she stops by. Thanks to God, she knows better than visiting Jake. It would just wake up some nasty things." - Oh, so this was what happened... Naturally, Jacob had a different approach to the situation - something else happened in his perspective, but you sure as hell weren't about to ask him. Without further questions, you nodded and focused on the path under your legs.

The walk to the pounds was very nice - Rachel told you some stories about the pounds and then she talked about her twin, Rebecca, and Jake, telling you stories from their childhood. When she described how many times Jacob fell to the pond, you were kind of worried about him - it was a miracle that he hadn't drowned before reaching the age of six. Honestly, it was amazing how many stories she had - all of the stories had a specific story and each of the small pieces of history was making a nicer, clearer picture of La Push in your head. When first thunders hit your ears, it was still too far away, you decided to walk back to the beach and ride back to Billy's. But Jacob changed your plans without doing anything.

He was just standing above the beach with his hair let down, it was reaching way below his jaws, standing there with his elbows over his chest. His chocolate, dark eyes were watching as you and Rachel slowly walked closer to him. - "I see you two have already... Introduced." - The man looked at both of you, there was a hint of when he saw you both slowly walking down the beach. - "She wanted to drive here alone, so I've just asked if she wants someone to go with her." - Rachel vindicated both you as soon as it sounded kind of suspicious coming from Jacob. Then, after a slight moment, a small smile appeared on his face. - "That's nice of you, sis. One would've suspected you did it just because you had a chance to drive my truck, which is it?" - Jake asked with a small smile on his face. With that, you listened to the brother-sister bickering as you walked back to the truck.

Neither of you knew that the whole time, a wolf was watching over the whole beach, protecting you from the danger you could be in.

#jacob black x reader #la push #forks washington #charlie swan #mike newton #jacob black #seth clearwater #sue clearwater #sue clearwater (swan???)#the uley pack #the black pack #twilight saga #the twilight saga #twilight crackheads #twilight renessaince #i am once again going against the cannon #i am not even ashamed at this point

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quwarichi · 4 years ago

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My reactions+summaries for SPN S5-15 PT.3:

Supernatural Episodes (that were memorable to me):

Currently: S15E20

[Disclaimer: these were written as I was watching each episode for the first time. It’s literally my brain vomit. Let it be known that I watched the series from season 1 but only around season 5 it occured to me that I might want to remember some episodes, so this was created. I am a pretty big destiel shipper, but it only shows here when I absolutely can’t contain myself. You can enjoy my reactions without shipping them. HAVE AT IT]

Seasons 14-15:

S14:

S14E01: Hey look Dean has a funny hat now. Haha. And that's the only thing different. Oh wait where did the plaid go? Guess he burned his clothes in an accident and changed into something nearby. Alright. OH WAIT WHERE DID DEAN GO. Sam is tired. Jack is learning how to fight from Bobby. Good on him. Castiel is suffering. A demon knows more about Destiel than Cas does *wink wink* Bless that demon. Give him a raise for the wonderful words he said. Praise. Scratch that he just started a demon gang fight against Cas fuck them up good Cas don't leave survivors. Stop beating Castiel up you know he's taking it easy on you otherwise all of you would be fried chickens. "Sister Jo" is back in business. [Side note: Jensen and Daneel shooting this scene together had me dying the writers did that on purpose]. Michael visits Anael. Jack is sad. Cas is hurt. Lucifer is alive. Oh wait it's Nick. Why is Nick. How is Nick. Nick is pretty understanding and nice. Nick. Hm. The demons got Cas how dare they you fuckers, you motherfuckers I WiLL rAiN hElL FiRE UPoN yOu. Sam is sad and missing Dean. Mary is too. Sam should have hidden the knife in his hair. Cas is embarrassed. Jack gets caught. The demon wants to replace Crowley. How dare he. Awesome action scene. Keep expecting Dean to show up and beat someone up. Cas and Sam miss Dean. Cas and Jack talk about losing their powers. Sam misses Dean. Michael helps monsters now?

S14E02: Hey look Michael's a dick who knew. Srsly fuck him. Cas can't help and is sad. He is also a babysitter to Satan's former vessel and Satan's child. Is Jack Nick's sort-of son or is that taking it too far? Questions for later. Lucifer is now the Supreme Agent of Evil. Cas is sassy. Jack is adorable and needs hugs. Cas is trying to be nice to Nick. Nick is suffering. Castiel feels different. He feels like he matured and grown a lot. Like he's more at peace with himself. He says that when he Fell he still had Sam and Dean which is so adorable. Cas gives Jack a beautiful talk. Michael is wearing a tux, which looks great on Dean but horrible on him. Dean yells at him to get out. Nick is sad and still has Lucifer instincts. Nick is sadder now. He wants his family back. Cas is amazing in this episode. Kudos, truly. He just admits he understands Nick's situation because he occupies Jimmy's vessel. Woah. Nick just said Castiel is a body-snatcher and he's no different than Lucifer. How dare he. How DARE YOU. CASTIEL HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT KIND TO YOU. HE TRIED TO BE CALM. HE TRIED EXPLAINING AND SYMPATHIZES WITH YOU AND YOU GO AND CALL HIM THAT. WHY. JUST... WHY??? CAS STILL FEELS AWFUL FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO JIMMY AND HIS FAMILY. HE NEVER WANTED THAT. FUCK YOU NICK. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. Jack went to visit his grandparents can he get any more adorable I mean OH MY CHUCK LOOK AT HIM. He tells them Kelly had a baby boy and they're so HAPPY HIJFKDHDUHEJDUDH. Jack dear I know you just met your family and you're emotional but saying Dean doesn't matter is like a death sentence in the fandom so tread lightly. Nick is channeling his inner Lucifer. Dean is BACK BABY.

S14E03: Dean doesn't NOT like Sam's beard. Jack, Cas, and Dean reunite. Jack likes Disney confirmed. A girl asked Jack if Cas is his dad and he says Cas is one of his dads OMG OMG OMG. Jack is heartbroken he couldn't help the girl and Cas feels awful for him. Honestly Cas has been through so much lately and he didn't even get the chance to hug Dean when he came back. Jack saved Lora. Cas apologies to Jack. Bless Cas. He's a freaking Angel. Cas is so freaking adorable and he's such a dad for Jack and they're like hey dad hey son and omg omg omg gaaaaaaaaah they're adorable. He's making Jack SOUP. FREAKING SOUP. Something's wrong with Jack why are you coughing blood no no no no no bad blood.

S14E04: Dean likes horror movies now. Sam's beard is gone. Dean's inner fanboy is coming out. It's one of these episodes. Sam is so excited. Dean is fangirling. DEAN IS IN GLASSES PART 3 OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Fortnight has unfortunately bled into the Supernatural universe and we have to live with that fact now. Dean is, fortunately, a Zelda fan so we're good on that front. Sam is a nerd. Dean is concerned. Sam meets his female counterpart. Sam has trauma from Halloween. Dean wants to have Halloween with Sam so badly awwwww.

S14E05: Dean and Sam run into Bobby and Mary. Sam is nervous about talking to his mom about her dating life. Bobby and Mary are sort of a thing now and Dean is okay with that. He just wants his mom to be happy.

S14E06: Sam and Charlie are very awkward. Hooray. Jack is suffering because his coffee doesn't taste right. Sam looks so happy playing with a fidgetspiner. Jack and Dean are being Hunting Buddies ™. Jack just learned what courting before dating before sex is and Dean is not happy or comfortable about that conversation. Other Dimension Charlie had a love of her life but she died. Jack asks Dean about courting over pie and it's adorable. Dean says that when they get back to the bunker he'll give Jack the talk. Hooray! Jack and Dean play the "bad cop, hero saves the damsel" plan and it works fantastic. Jack calls Dean old and Dean looks so offended it actually hurt him OMG. Some girl has a crush on Jack now. Jack is very confused. Hunter!Jack is very awkward and adorable. Is Jack on a date? I think he's on a date. Is he even allowed to go on dates yet? Dean didn't give him the talk. Hm. What would Cas think? And Sam, Sam would be very confused about it too. Hm. Definitely sensing some romance in the air. Approving of that. Oh BOI SOMETHING IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. Oh wait of course not Jack was raised by Cas who are we fooling of course he wanted to use the bathroom. Dean calls Jack and he's like "Hey so I'm pretty sure she's in love with me so tell me everything you know about sex. Go!" Dean is not having ANY OF THAT BS RN. Vans? Vans! Vans. Dear lord Jack should get an acting award *ba-dum-tss*. Dean be giving out relationship advice like he's some sort of expert when in reality his emotions are so constipated he needs to swallow Dulcolax to communicate with others. Jack has a crazy fan now. He follows in Sam's footsteps and got himself a Becky. Congrats? Jack is coughing again. And now he's bleeding from his nose. No. Nope. Not happening. Denial, ACTIVATE!

S14E07: So... Nick is slowly losing it. Or very quickly losing it. Depends on how you look at it. Cas is watching over Jack and tries healing him. Jack is really bad shape. They take him to a hospital. Cas does NOT have time for bureaucracy. Three worried fathers watch as their kid suffers and it HURTTS. Jack's body is shutting down and they're suffering. Cas just gave Jack his trenchcoat so now we have a trenchcoatless Cas and a trenchcoated Jack. Rowena is BACK BABY. Jack meets Rowena. Cas is so ready to give his grace for Jack. Dean is taking Jack on a fun day. He's teaching Jack how to drive awwwww. Dean and Jack are awesome. Cas feels helpless. Cas calls Jack Sam, Dean, and his' son OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I'M HAVING A FUCKING SEIZURE. Jack and Dean are eating burgers on the impala and have fun. Meanwhile Nick is on hunt for his family's killer, being as adorable and questionable as ever. DEAN AND JACK ARE F***CKING FISHING. Jack wanted to go fishing because Dean said he went fishing with John and it was a happy memory for him and Jack considers Dean a father figure GAAAAAH IT HURTSSS. WHY IS JACK SO AT PEACE WITH DYING LIKE WHAT THE FRICK NOOOOO. AND WHY IS CAS DRIVING A TINY BLUE CAR WHO GAVE HIM PERMISSION TO BE ADORABLE. Do you ever wonder how many times a week Castiel thinks about the story Gabriel wrote on the walls of his bunker room about his time in Monte Carlo with the porn stars? He read the entire story, just summarised it for Sam. So he KNOWS everything. Things to wonder about. Nick is channeling his Lucifer or Lucifer is channeling his Nick they are one it's scary. Jack is being healed? Is he healed? He's HEALED. Jack is BACK BABY!!! Cas and Dean look so relieved. Wait why is he staggering. Why is he coughing. Cas is so pissed at the Shaman. CAS IS A PISSED OFF FATHER. CAS IS AMAZING. FREAKING DAD CAS FOR THE RESCUE. It feels like this is a setup for Lucifer to come back. Not sure how to feel about that. Um. Ummmm... Empty do your freaking job and keep him asleep. JACK IS DYING FREAKING KILL ME WHYYYY.

S14E08: Jack doesn't want them to be sad. Dean is not okay. None of them are okay. Cas is also worried about Dean. Jack is being optimistic about things and it hurts. WHAT. WHAT. HE CAN'T DIE. NO. NOOO. DEAN DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS NOOOO. CAS IS IN SO MUCH PAIN BUT HE'S STILL WORRYING ABOUT SAM AND DEAN OH MY GOD WHYYYYY. CAS WANTED JACK TO DIE A LONG TIME AFTER HIM. THEY'RE GETTING DRUNK TOGETHER TO DULL THE PAIN WOW THIS IS HURTING HAHAHA I'M NOT CRYING FUCK YOU MY EYES ARE LEAKING. THEY'RE EATING NOUGAT BARS THAT JACK LIKED. CAS DOESN'T EVEN EAT FOOD IT TASTE LIKE MOLECULES TO HIM. Jack is in Heaven but Empty is slowly taking over Heaven. Jack meets Kelly in Heaven. Kelly is so happy to see him until she realized he died. Anubis is an odd fellow. Cas is so happy seeing Cas again. And Kelly too. Empty has invaded Jack and Kelly's Heaven. Shit is about to go DOWN. Dean and Sam consider Jack their child. EMPTY IS HURTING CAS AND KELLY WHILE JACK IS WATCHING. CAS SAVE JACK. WAIT NO NOT LIKE THAT. DON'T YOU DARE. I WILL FUCKING END YOU EMPTY YOU SON OF A THING. CASTIEL HOW COULD YOU. Cas doesn't want Sam and Dean to worry. He says he's in peace with his decision. IN PEACE MY ASSBUTT! LISTEN HERE YOU EMOTIONALLY INCAPABLE ANGEL, YOU HAVE DONE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE EARTH. YOU SACRIFICED FROM YOURSELF THINGS OTHERS WOULDN'T EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE. YOU GAVE UP HEAVEN FOR SAM AND DEAN. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND THEN YOU MAKE A DEAL THAT THE SECOND YOU'RE HAPPY YOU'LL DIE??? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE??? In other news Jack and Kelly hugged and it was beautiful. Jack promises not to tell Sam and Dean about what Cas did. Jack is BACK BABY. Dean hugged Jack. Get the fuck away from Cas you Naomi Bitch. Jack is happy to eat burgers again. Is Jack wearing Dean's robe?

S14E09: Is this a Christmas episode? Why, I think it is. Hey look Michael is a woman now. Wait Garth NoooOOooo you can't do it. Oh wow he has a little girl now. Jack is guiltily eating cereal in the middle of the night and Cas catches him. Sam is apparently acting like a mom. Wow. Cas is being a sassy angel. Castiel likes the toys that come in the cereal box. OMG why are Jack and Cas so cute. Cas is happy Dean is feeling better but he feels guilty about lying to him about the deal. Jack is happy he can pick a lock now. HELP THEY KIDNAPPED JACK. FUCK YOU MICHAEL. Awww they're going on a family hunting trip! Team Free Will 2.0 VS Kansas City. Awww. *The hellish version of a Christmas song plays in the background*. JACK IS FUCKING SMILING. Okay so Michael I'm gonna need you to get out of Dean you sick son of a Chuck. 'Freaking ruined the Christmas episode.

S14E10: Awww they brought Pamela back! Also Dean owns a bar and he likes to flirt. He looks so happy owning a bar. Michael is sassy, and it's almost likeable. Probably because it's Dean's face. Michael is trying to get underneath Cas' skin and Cas looks so done with it. One of Dean's happy memories is the stripper case with Sam. FUCK MICHAEL. FUCK HIM SO HARD. HOW DARE HE. HE JUST SAID DEAN ONLY TOLERATES CAS BECAUSE HE FEELS LIKE HE OWES HIM FOR HELL AND CAS HASN'T DONE ANYTHING FOR DEAN EVER SINCE. *Cue epic fight scene* Hey look Dean is a cage now. Cas is so worried about Jack's soul.

S14E11: Dean is acting suspiciously. Sam's aware he and Dean only hug if it's of the world I'm dyinggg. Sam likes gossiping apparently. Dean came to visit Mary awww. Dean is now a welding master. Well now Nick is being arrested by Donna and now Donna might be about to die and NOPE. Dean is being really sweet and it's freaking everyone out. Mary thinks Dean's adorable when he's sleeping. Nick is being creepy and kidnapping Mary. Nick without Lucifer is unlikeable at best. Mary keeps a severed head in a jar. Dean tells Sam he loves him. He shows Sam a box he plans on being buried alive in the ocean with Michael inside of it and yeah so that's not happening.

S14E12: Dean has a nightmare about being stuck in his coffin forever. Sam calls Cas. Dean says he knows he wasn't the greatest brother for Sam and Sam has this 'WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL' look on his face because that is some grade A+ bullshit right there. Cas gets a call from Dean and he's so excited because he thinks Dean is giving up his plan but Dean tells him he's not so Cas is sad. Cas is so pissed at Dean. Dean and Cas have an argument/goodbye. Dean and Sam argue. It hurts. It hurts so much. He punched Dean and then he hugged him. He tells Sam and Cas he believes in them. In all of them. Oh well I guess that if Dean gets trapped in a box at least Cas will never be taken by the Empty since he'll never be happy HAHAHAHA KILL ME NOW.

S14E13: This episode is about the city the bunker's in OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Someone stole Baby. There's a kid who thinks they're serial killers, which they are, but not exactly. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. JOHN??? OF ALL THE PEOPLE, JOHN? WAS THAT EVEN AN OPTION??? WHAT THE FUCK???!!! MARY AND JOHN FINALLY SEE EACH OTHER AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. And Sam and Dean witness it. Sam is very awkward with John. Oh wow. So, they pulled John out of 2003 and it has changed history and now Sam likes raw food and standing desks and runs a law firm and Dean is a murderer and thief with a price on his head. Hm. Zach and Cas are reunited as bad angels no no no no THIS IS BAD. OH WELL AT LEAST CAS DOESN'T UNDERSTAND POP CULTURE REFERENCES ANYMORE. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Cas is a killer now NoooOOooo. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Cas doesn't recognize Dean and Sam as his friends. Cas is beating up Dean and Sam. Noooo. This is weird. No. Nope. Not happening. Cue the awkwardness of a family dinner. When you remember that everyone at that table died at least once it's very very weird. A family who defied Death, God, the Darkness, Demons, Angels, Monsters, and a few nasty humans here and there. Wow. Dean actually has some self-love speech and it is amazing. The character development is just *chef's kiss*. Why is this so beautiful Sam stop crying you know it makes Dean cry and when Dean cries I cry stopp it.

S14E14: Family hunting trip time! Oh look Rowena is also there! Rowena has some sort of attraction to Cas and it's chilling. Cas and Dean are on some sort of a coffee date. Jack is coughing blood again. Someone stop it. Cas is worried about Dean. Dean is only honest with Cas awwwwwww. Cas asks Jack if he's fine. Cas worries about everyone but when will someone worry about Cas? Jack, Cas, and Dean look like two parents and a child. Jack asks what an AV club is and Cas explains and then Dean calls Cas a dork. They're adorable. Cas is a VERY serious FBI agent. Rowena and Sam need to act like a married couple and it's AMAZING. MORE. GIVE THE FANDOM MORE. Jack has suffered at the vet's office. The Gorgon is hitting on Cas. Wait till Dean hears about that. Cas has been paralyzed. Cas is worried about Dean. That's strike 2. Another moment of Cas being worried and someone is about to die. Cas explains to Jack about the fragility of humans and death and moving on which makes you believe he thought about a time when Dean and Sam die and he's left all alone and now I want to walk off a cliff. Michael is out. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. JACK CALLED HIMSELF A WINCHESTER OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Jack got his wings back!

S14E15: Jack is playing with his snake. Cas is worried about Jack. Dean is eating. Cas and Sam go on a case together [Poor Misha. Jared must've tortured him]. Cas with his pop culture references. The only thing good about episode 13 aside from some closure for the boys is that Cas lost his knowledge of pop culture. Cas sometimes looks at the Saturday Evening Post when Sam and Dean are asleep. They're very soothing. Sam and Cas walked into a town that seems stuck in the late ‘70s. Even Cas thinks it's weird. Sam looks happy drinking a milkshake. Cas pretends to drink cuz he doesn't eat. Cas has no social skills. Jack is trying to feed the snake. Dean likes bacon. Some woman checked Cas out. Cas reads a series of love letters between the victim and a milkshake serving a young woman. Cas is so done with people hitting on him. How Cas describes Sam "I'm looking for my partner. Tall man. Hair? He has beautiful hair." FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. SAM BECAME A PART OF THE WEIRD TOWN FUCK FUCK FUCK. HE'S WEARING GLASSES THIS IS FUCKING WEIRD. CAS IS SO SCARED AND CONFUSED. SOMEONE SAVE HIM AND SAM. Dean is terrified of the snake. Cas is angry. Cas is worried and understanding about how Sam feels. CAS JUST FUCKING TOLD A MAN HE'S NOT GOD BECAUSE GOD HAS A BEARD.

S14E16: JACK IS ADORABLE STAB ME IN THE GUT AND TWIST IT WHY IS HE SO ADORABLE. Jack is so awkward around other people. OMG WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT YOU FREAKING LOVEABLE DORK. JACK IS LIKE "WELL I'M TWO-TWENTY! I'M TWENTY-TWO!!!" Jack is so freaking happy hanging out with kids his "age". Oh no he's sad.

S14E17: There was supposed to be a family game night. Cas is meeting up with Anael [The fact that this is Daneel and Misha on the same set is amazing]. Nick is back and off his rocket. Anael and Cas discuss God. Jack is going dark side. Woops. Jack sweetheart you're worrying me. Jack what did you do. Jack?

S14E18: Jack what did you do to Mary. What did you do. This is very scary. Oh wait he KILLED HER. WOW. OKAY. HOW THE HELL DO YOU FIX THAT SHIT. DEAN WILL NEVER FORGIVE HIM. SAM TOO. DEAN MIGHT TRY TO KILL HIM BUT THEN SAM WILL STOP HIM AND TELL JACK TO NEVER COME BACK AND CAS WOULD BE SO TORN BECAUSE HE PROMISED TO PROTECT JACK BUT HE KILLED MARY AND WOW THE WRITERS REALLY DUG DEEP WITH THIS ONE. Cas is remembering one of his first hunts with Mary. Did Dean just... Did he tell Cas that if Jack did something to Mary he's dead to him? I think he did. Huh. Welp, time to dig a hole in the ground, huddle into a fetus position and cry. Cas is not even mad. We are fine. Nothing is wrong. Oh wow what is this? A guilt trip down memory lane? Why are you hurting us by showing us all the nice missing moments between Mary and the rest? Is this fun for you you sadistic fucks? Jack needs a snickers. Mary is dead. Wow. Sam just stopped Cas from walking over to Dean. Wow.

S14E19: Dean gives a beautiful speech. Bobby is back. Cas is still protective of Cas. There's a lot of awkward silences between Dean and Cas. Made-up Lucifer is a dick. What do you mean Cas doesn't love Jack um hello? He gave away his chance at happiness for Jack. Fuck you Made-up Lucifer. Oh no. Dean is crying alone. Naomi Bitch Replacement is messing with Jack's head. Fuck her. A pillar of salt? Really?. Okay so Soulless Jack is horrible. I love him so much but he was already like a toddler playing with a bazooka. Now he's like a SADISTIC toddler playing with a bazooka with no soul. It really feels like Cas is the only one left with a sense of rationality. Cas is pissed at Sam and Dean for locking Jack up.

S14E20: So, Jack's pissed. Dean calls Jack a monster and I think why it bothered Castiel so much is because that would mean Castiel is a monster too. Chuck is BACK BABY AND OHHH BOI IS THIS A RIDE. Cas is so done. Dean smashes a guitar. Chuck and Dean yell at each other. Chuck is such a dork. Castiel is so pissed. Jack and Castiel reunite. Sam has a talk with Chuck. Chuck breaks the fourth wall. Dean is here to kill Jack. Cas doesn't want that. Dean and Jack are about to die. Jack is okay with that. Welp CHUCK IS HORRIBLE AND NOPE. DID CHUCK JUST KILL JACK. NO NO. CHUCK'S GONE DARK SIDE. No why is Jack dead. This isn't fair.

S15:

S15E01: Cas does NOT like that a demon inside Jack's body. Chuck literally jump-started the apocalypse. Cas is not okay.

S15E02: You can't tell me that Cas telling Dean it wasn't all a lie isn't him telling Dean that what they have is real. WELCOME BACK KEVIN TRAN, ADVANCED PLACEMENT. Kevin is BACK BABY. God and Amara are being siblings. Rowena and Ketch together are very weird and Crowley will NOT approve.

S15E03: Rowena is awesome. Cas and the demon inside Jack are very... Iffy with each other. Belphegor is awesome. Cas literally just FUCKING PUSHED BELPHEGOR INTO HELL AND JUMPED AFTER HIM WITH A COMPLETE STRAIGHT FACE WOW HE IS SO DONE. Cas tells Belphegor that Jack is like a son to him. Cas is forced to sing a song to praise Lucifer. Shit is going down. Cas and Belphegor did NOT work out. Wait does that mean Cas will get stuck in hell. Oh fuck. Oh crap. This is bad. Why does Cas has to suffer so much? Whyyy. He never wanted anything special. Just to be with Jack, Sam, and Dean. He wanted to do good. Whyyyy. ROWENA NO. NOPE. NOPE. DON'T DO IT. SAM DOESN'T WANT TO. DON'T MAKE HIM. STOP IT. ROWENA NOOOO. ALSO CAS AND DEAN STOP FIGHTING IT'S BAD. UM, DEAN? IT'D BE GREATLY APPRECIATED IF YOU AND CAS WOULD STOP FIGHTING. IT'S SCARING THE CHILDREN AND MAKING THEM CRY. STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT! OH HEY I'M CRYING, WHAT A SURPRISE!

S15E04: Sam has a weird dream. Awesome fight scene though. Dean likes vegan bacon now. Or not. Wow Chuck might actually be afraid of Becky. Meeting Exes is awkward. CHUCK IS A DICK. BEING A WRITER DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO ABUSE OTHERS. FUCK YOU.

S15E05: Dean can't handle spicy jerky. Sam has bad dreams again. Um, Lilith's back? What? Is that a thing now? Wow.

S15E06: Cas is fishing now. He's also really sweet and cares about a guy who sells him fish bait. He also goes by Clearance like Meg used to call him, which is extra sweet. Cas is investigating stuff. Cas and Dean talk and Cas acts like a sassy toddler. Cas's powers are fading. Sam might have a small crush on the deaf hunter. Aww that's so nice. He saw she was naked so he turned away. Awww. What a gentleman. Dean raised you well. Dean doesn't know what's God and what's him.

S15E07: Sam and Eileen are definitely having fun, with margaritas and bacon. Dean refuses bacon, which leads us to believe he had truly given up on this world. Dean gets flirted with. Dean gets reunited with an old "friend". Sam and Eileen are AWKWARD AND DEAN IS TO BLAME BECAUSE HE'S THE ONE WHO TEASED SAM. OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE WATCHING TWO NERDS FALL IN LOVE WHAT THE HELL. IS THAT HOW SAM FEELS WHEN HE'S WATCHING DEAN AND CAS??? THAT'S TORTURE. WOW THEY ALMOST KISSED AND THEN CAS WALKED IN OMG IT IS LIKE SAM WITH DEAN AND CAS. Cas is so pissed with shamans. OMG OMG OMG DEAN IS ABOUT TO SING OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG WOW HE SINGS SO BEAUTIFULLY SOMEONE GET THAT MAN A CONTRACT HE'S SO HAPPY WHAT OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Cas became grade A at threatening people. Kudos. Dean loves Texas now. Cas and Dean are awkward. Ever remember season 1 where they found out demons existed and felt like they were in over their heads? Well now they want to fight God.

S15E08: Sam is being an overprotective boyfriend. He's so cute. Oh my god... Are they getting Adam out of the cage??? Is this happening??? I know the last season is supposed to sort of give closure to unfinished plotlines but if this really happening it's amazing. Rowena is BACK BABY. Rowena is FUCKING awesome. A real queen, if you will. Crowley would be proud. She's also gives Cas and Dean a quick couple's counseling session. Adam is out of hell. It happened. Dean so ships Eileen and Sam. Dean and Cas are AWKWARD. Michael is back. Michael and Cas talk. Cas channels his inner Lucifer. Cas and Dean FINALLY talk. CHUCK YOU FUCKING DICK GET AWAY FROM EILEEN SAM WAS FINALLY STARTING TO BE HAPPY. OMG OMG DEAN AND CAS ARE GOING TO PURGATORY??? Dean and Adam talk.

S15E09: Wow Chuck is so manipulative. Wow. Chuck is really unlikeable anymore. Woah, did Cas just call Dean stupid? Cas has SNAPPED. So happy Sam has Eileen now. Any girl that can be tied to a chair, deaf, and still kick ass and sass God in front of him deserves a Sam Winchester. Wow Sassy Cas really ain't taking Dean's BS today. Chuck is a sadistic fuck. Chuck has lost it. God Complex much? Dean and Cas are in purgatory. Getting the band back together and it feels good. Benny died. That's sad. Dean and Cas discuss the guilt. OMG WHAT HAPPENS TO CAS IN THE FUTURE??? HE GOT THE MARK AND WENT CRAZY??? AND DEAN HAD TO BURY HIM IN THE BOX??? DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THIS SHIT IS NOT CANON FANFICS CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP. HE LOOKS SO HEARTBROKEN. Meanwhile in Purgatory: Dean is looking for Cas who has disappeared and they need to go back soon and things are BAD with a capital everything. DEAN IS PRAYING TO CASTIEL OMG OMG OMG HE BARELY DID IT EVER SINCE PURGATORY ROUND 1. He admits he should've stopped Cas from leaving. He calls Cas his best friend AWWWWWWW. HE'S CRYING OH MY GOD. HE FORGAVE CAS!!! THIS IS SO CANON HDJCJRIHEISHS. OMG CAS IS OKAY AND THEY HUGGED DEAN LOOKS SO HAPPY FUCK THIS I'M CRYINGGGG. SAM AND DEAN BECAME MONSTERS??? FUCK THAT SHIT. CAS TAKES THE MARK OH NO I DON'T WANT HIM TO GO INSANE. Cas and Dean arrive at the casino. Save Sam!!! SAM, SAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAN? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. AWWWW SAM AND EILEEN KISSED AWWW. NOW WE NEED A CAS AND DEAN KISS AND WE'RE GOLDEN GUYS. LET'S MAKE IT HAPPEN. I BELIEVE. Jack and Billy are BACK BABY.

S15E10: It seems like Sam and Dean lose luck. Baby shut down. Garth named his twins Sam... and Castiel. Dean is definitely not insulted. Garth is a dentist now. Dean is afraid of dentists. Dean has a dream where he and Garth are tap dancing in black and white. OH MY GOD GARTH WHAT DID YOU DO TO DEAN'S MOUTH. GARTH TOLD DEAN HE NEEDS TO GET A COLONOSCOPY AND I FREAKING DROPPED MY PHONE. CHUCK DOWNGRADED SAM AND DEAN TO NOT MAIN CHARACTERS AND NOW THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH NORMAL PEOPLE PROBLEMS HAHAHAHHAHA THIS IS AWESOME. DEAN IS HOLDING BABY CASTIEL AND HE'S LIKE "THIS CAS KEEPS LOOKING AT ME WEIRD" AND SAM ANSWERS "SO KINDA LIKE THE REAL CAS" AND THEY KNOW. Also Sam and Dean are holding babies and it's adorable.

S15E11: Cas comes back to find out Sam and Dean are going to Alaska. Cas gets a call about Jack related info. Ahem... Jack is BACK BABY! Cas is worried about Jack. Jack is tied up. Cas to the rescue! CAS AND JACK REUNITE. This is like the most interesting pool game ever. Dean and Sam's luck is BACK BABY. JACK AND SAM AND DEAN REUNITE.

S15E12: Cas is so happy Jack is back. Dean and Cas are best buddies. Cas and Jack play 4-in-a-row. Cas and Jody meet for the first time. Jack wants to help. Cas still cares a lot about Claire. Billy is PISSED.

S15E13: The recap starts with the pizza man montage, which is really the only way it could. Ruby and Anael are BACK BABY AND WELL IT IS AWESOME. [Just pointing out that the fact they brought both of Jensen and Jared's wives for this is amazing] also Cas has no chill with his sass. Cas wants to almost die and go to Empty to talk to Ruby. He gets into the Empty and runs into Empty-Meg and she called him Clearance awwww. Ruby is BACK BABY. Cas almost dies by the Empty. He comes back though. Otherworld Sam and Dean are terrifying. They seem... Okay, and it's horrible. Also they're spoiled. HELLHOUNDS BABY! Jack arrives at Eden. Jack is crying + he got his soul back!!!

S15E14: Supernatural is BACK BABY. JACK IS STILL DEPRESSED NOOOO. DEAN HAS SCOOBY-DOO UNDERTHINGS PASS IT ON. Dean and Sam meet Mrs. Butters. She's nice and she made Christmas and Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July and Halloween collide in the calendar. Jack is out of his room now. Oh hey Dean's actually trying to not be angry at Jack. They have a monster radar! Lunch bag, she pack them lunch bags I-. Jack is still being sad noo. She keeps giving him smoothies. It's weird. OMG SAM IS GOING ON A DATE WITH EILEEN THEY REALLY SAID SAILEEN RIGHTS. Oh wait. Oh fuck what the fuck why is she ripping his head off oh no Jack run. Oh fuck why is she an evil mastermind all of a sudden they were happy. DEAN GETS TRAPPED TOO. DEAN BEING A REAL BROTHER BEING LIKE "YEAH I CAN WAIT UNTIL MY BROTHER IS DONE GETTING LAID FOR HIM TO COME BACK AND RESCUE ME AND OUR CO-ANGEL-CHILD". Dean is really trying with Jack my heart wow. Ugh not again with Sam and the nails the waves of nausea are hitting me-. Oh no Mrs. Butters story is really sad I don't like the old MoL. Oh goodbye Mrs. B we'll miss you. Awww Jack honey of course you can kill Chuck here I'll do it for you you just eat your nougat bars. OH MY FUCKING GOD DEAN MADE JACK A BIRTHDAY CAKE I REPEAT HE MADE JACK A BIRTHDAY CAKE JACK IS FOUR NOW CELEBRATE WITH US ALL *HYPERVENTILATING HARD*. 10/10 episode would recommend with a side of angst.

S15E15: Cas is BACK BABY! Aww Jack wants to wear matching ties. Awwwww. Sam and Dean are going after Amara. Good luck with that. Oh a church case for Cas? A little on the nose there. Oh wow this is getting dark. Aww Jack doesn't want to say something so Cas talks about himself instead. God I love them. Cas is amazing. I love him so much. Jack too. Meanwhile, Sam and Dean are eating with Amara lunch. Crossroads demons are out of fashion, as per told by Rowena, the Queen of us all. Jack needs Cas' permission to create a social media account. Even the internet knows to give Cas cats. God bless the internet. Oh my god Dean and Amara talked and wow it was deep. Amara's intentions with Mary were... Wow. Poor Dean though. Wow Cas and Jack can't catch a break. Oh god Jack was stabbed he's okay but we're not okay what the hell. Once again, we are reminded that against regular humans Cas is a freaking supernatural creature with super strength and the wrath of heaven. Hey wait why does the crossroad demon look like he’s kidnapping this girl? Oh well guess we'll never find out. JACK IS GOING TO DIE? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK BILLIE??? WHO AUTHORIZED THIS SHIT? HE NEEDS A PARENT OR A GUARDIAN'S PERMISSION!!! Cas not wanting to see Jack die again is hurting me. What do you mean it's not his choice Jack go to your room you're grounded until they kill Chuck. Cas um where are you going?? What do you mean in case you won't come back? Are you going where I think you're going? You better stay the FUCK away from the Empty or I swear to all that is sacred (the impala, Sam and Dean's flannel, Led Zeppelin) that I will cry. What do Sam and Dean need to know??? What is this shit????? I WILL SUE!!!!!

S15E16: Hey is he going to get killed? Called it! Hey Dean darling how about you let Sam know about Jack? Any minute now honey? No don't you fucking- Dean! Hey it's tiny Sam and Dean look at them awww. Hey Caitlin seems nice. Woah weird monster in the candy machine alert! Dean why are you so depressing this episode??? Sam being in the dark hurts me. Um Dean? What have you got there buddy? Is that a knife? Put the knife down, Dean put the knife down this isn't funny- oh thank god Sam Dean almost fillet-ed himself. Tiny Dean being scared but also macho aww. It's a Baba Yaga? A Baba FREAKIN Yaga? Wow. Omg Dean's face when he heard the woman having sex is priceless. He really grew up. Good on him. Caitlin you majestic being you managed to have Dean admit his fear wow Dean honey am I proud of you. Aww Sam is trying to call Cas. Um... Dean? OMG OMG ARE YOU TELLING HIM? YASSS SAMMY GO OFF. DEAN FUCK OFF JACK IS NOT DYING ON MY WATCH. OMG THE SILENCE. WOW.

S15E17: This starts with Amara. What a queen. I really like her now. She can cut me with her cheekbones. Look at her. Wow. She's so pretty. Cas is there! Sam is giving Dean the silent treatment. Yeah Dean is talking depressing. AHHH AMARA IS HERE. Jack meets Amara awww. Yes I want them to spend time together YESSS. Amara and Dean are like that couple that didn't work out because they figured they'd be better as friends and it's so nice to see them. Sam is amazing wowwww. Dean WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST- WHAT DO YOU MEANT JACK ISN'T FAMILY YOU- UMM WAIT IS JACK- NOOOOOOOO!!!!! OWW MY FEELINGS. Jack looks so sad nooo. Cas is there Cas make it better. Aww Amara with a flower. Chuck is back... Yay. Lol Chuck didn't write the Dean/Amara debacle and he thinks it's weird that's amazing. Amara is amazing. Amara trying to make Chuck not act like a spoiled brat wow this is hard. I hate him with passion. AMARA YASS QUEEN GO OFFFFF. HOLD HIM. Jack you shouldn't UNDERSTAND HIM you should be PISSED. HE DID THE HELLO AJAJAGDVSHA. OH.MY.GOD I LOVE ADAM AND SERAFINA SOMEONE HUG THEM. Jack has a skittles aura wow. The final ritual, the ROCKS. Adam looks so relieved that Jack got it. OH I DID NOT NEED TO SEE HER DIGGING INTO HIS RIBS. Dean whatcha doing there buddy? Aww he thanked him!!! I still don't forgive what he said though. IT'S TIME??? IT'S TIME BABY. SAM BEING FRUSTRATED AND CAS HELPING AWWW. They found the key, HOORAH! Cas awww thank you for helping Sam. Sam no don't go alone. Empty is Meg now waaaaaht. BILLIE WANTS WHAT NOW??? Sam lying Through His Teeth to the Empty the man is a LEGEND. No Cas it's not time we need to stop this. Dean, Dean you're scaring me. Cas being angry at Jack eating the ribs the angel is legendary. Chuck you sick sick bastard what did you do you FUCKER??? AMARA STOP IT. DEAN WHAT THE HELL YOU DO NOT PULL A GUN AT YOUR BROTHER WHO THE FUCK- WHAT THE FUCK- CAS DO SOMETHINGGGG NO STOP HURTING EACH OTHER. STOP IT. CHUCK YOU SHUT THE HELL UP. DEAN STOP IT STOP THE VIOLENCE. YESS SAM TELL HIM. FUCK YOU CHUCK. AMARA NOOO. DEAN OH MY GOD NO. SAM IT'S BREAKING MY HEART. NOOOO AMARA NOOO. CHUCK NEEDS TO DIE BUT NOT LIKE THIS. OMG SAM NOOO. DEAN YESSS PUT THE GUN DOWN. FUCK YOU CHUCK. OH YOU CAN GO SUCK A DICK DON'T YOU EVER, EVER CALL CAS THAT. OMG CAS IS LITERALLY THE EMBODIMENT OF FREE WILL DID NOT EXPECT THAT. FUCK YOU CHUCK. OMG JACK NOOOO.

S15E18: DEAR LORD SOMEONE SAVE JACK HE CAN'T DIE NO NO NOPE NOT HAPPENING. Jack this is very sweet but they will NOT leave you. Billie not now. Yeah Dean tell her. Yass dads go OFF. WHERE IS JACK WHAT DID YOU DO BILLIE??? THE EMPTY??? NO DON'T DON'T DO THIS. JACK? JACK NO? JACK???? FUCK YOU BILLIE BRING HIM BACK. Oh you can go fuck yourself for all I care this is SO NOT THE TIME FOR THE BOOK. Yes Sam go OFF. Cas you really shouldn't be talking about the Empty. Isn't this episode when the deal goes down? Fuck you Billie you lost my respect. OMG JACK YOU'RE OKAY THANK GOD. Um... Empty? You okay there? Damn Sam being sassy. AND THEN HE GOES TO SIT IN THE CORNER HAHAHAHA. Yes Dean tell her. Did she just shush him? Empty ma gurl you good? Um, Billie? What's interesting? Jack's back BABY! He is not yours. Yes Dean go OFFF. CAS BEING A DAD. Aww Dean and Sam having a talk yes I'm so proud of my expressive babies. They be talking. Um, what new plan? What changed? Oh who this? Charlie is BACK BABY! YASSS MY QUEEN. Aww is that her gf? It's her gf. Oh okay where's her fucking gf??? Jack are you okay? Cas is worrying aww. Nothing's over Jack you're just three you have tons ahead of you. Dear lord Cas are you listening to yourself this is what you need to tell yourself OH MY GOD I'M BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL UGHHHH. Billie you're being a dick stop it. Crap everyone's disappearing. WAIT EILEEN? NO NO NO NO YOU WILL NOT DO THIS TO ME. EILLEN IS GOING TO BE FINE. WHERE ARE THE THREE DOTS? WHY AREN'T THEY THERE??? DRIVE FASTER DEAN!!! Why is the car empty? Where is she? Sam? Aww the screensaver. FUCK. SHE'S GONE. SAM? YOU OKAY? OH GOD BILLIE FUCK YOU LOOK WHAT YOU DID. NOOO. So Dean is going to kill Death again? Neat. Um Cas? I'm all for spending time with Dean but I'm worried. Aww Dean and Sam hugged. Oh hey Donna! (Is it me or is her accent off?) Jack is silent. Jack is driving. I'm so proud of him aww. Damn the badass music is awesome. Dean with the scythe is awesome. Look at that power couple. Aww Sam and Donna hugged that's cute. Let's go. Oh hey Charlie how are you? Bobby is BACK BABY. Bobby is awesome. Um Jack? How come that plant just died??? Sneaking into Death Library because those two are idiots. Oh hey splitting up is a great idea. Hi Billie, how are you? KILL 'EM DEAN. CAS ATTACK! BILLIE YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE RIGHT NOW. FUCK YOU BILLIE. DO IT DEAN KILL THEM. WAIT WHAT? Billie didn't kill them? Who did? CHUCK? THAT MOTHER FUCKER I WILL MURDER HIM. OH GOD PEOPLE ARE DISAPPEARING. WHERE ARE THEY? WAIT, NO, NOT CHARLIE NOOO. BOBBY? NO NOT BOBBY!!! DONNA? DONNA WHAT'S HAPPENING??? DONNA? NOOO!!! Oh Billie's dead now great. You can't kill Dean though. Run you two RUN. Run like hell run. Dean? Fuck. Billie leave him ALONE. FUCK FUCK RUN AWAY. BILLIE SHUT UP THIS IS A CRISIS. CAS PROTECT DEAN. PROTECT HIM LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. YES YOU GOT HIM. FUCK YOU BILLIE FUCK YOU SO HARD. INTO THE DUNGEON. CAS REACHING INTO DEAN'S BACK POCKET AND CUTTING HIMSELF WHY??? OKAY SIGIL. SIGILS ARE NICE. OKAY GOOD DEAN IS OKAY. Dean you're being depressed this isn't helping. Billie enough of the banging. Dean you're not angry enough with this you're good. Yeah fuck Chuck but that's not the point. Dean noo. Cas do somethingggg. Dean it's okay. It's not your fault. Um Cas? What's that? Wait, the deal? Now, you're doing this now? UM, WHAT? WHAT'S HAPPENING? YEAH WHY NOW? YOU'RE LOOKING AT YOUR TRUE HAPPINESS DUMMY. IS, IS HE- WHAT'S HE DOING??? KNOW WHAT? AWWW LOOK AT HIS REVELATIONS. YEAH WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? CAS? UM. UM???!!! YES CAS TELL HIM TELL HIM HOW YOU SEE HIM THIS IS AMAZING THIS IS EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED. MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST. I CAN'T BREATHE I CAN'T BREATHE I CAN'T BREATHE. WHY ARE YOU CRYING NOOOO. CHANGED??? WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHAT'S HAPPENING SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'S HAPPENING??? IT'S NOT A GOODBYE SHUT UP. D- DID HE JUST. DID HE JUST SAY- DID HE JUST SAY I- HE TOLD DEAN I LOVE YOU???!!! IS THIS A DREAM??? IS THIS REAL LIFE? WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHY ARE YOU CRYING??! I'M SCARED WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW???? "don't do this"??? DON'T DO THIS??? WHAT DO YOU MEEEAANN??? WAIT EMPTY BACK OFF NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO THE HAND ON THE SHOULDER THE HANDPRINT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. FUCK THIS NO I'M NOT OKAY THIS ISN'T HAPPENING NOOO. CAAAAAAAAS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! DEAN? DEAN DO SOMETHING?? DEAN WHAT'S HAPPENING??? WAIT WHERE IS EVERYONE? IS IT THE WHOLE WORLD? DEAN? DEAN? SAM IS CALLING YOU? DEAN? ARE YOU CRYING? YOU CAN'T CRY OTHERWISE I'LL CRY NO NO NO NO NO THIS IS FUCKING BAD.

S15E19: alright, the world is empty. Oh no Dean is coming to meet up with Sam and Jack no no this is bad the jacket. "Where's Cas?" I- DEAN OH MY GOD NOOO. OH NO JODY AND THE GIRLS NOO EVERYBODY'S GONE. Jack calling out for his dad my heart hurts no. Dean this is not the time for a beer. UH SAM NO YOU'RE NOT GIVING UP NUH-UH NOPE NOT TODAY. UM SAM, DEAN? YOU'RE NOT SACRIFICING YOURSELVES WHAT THE HELL NO. GOD I HATE CHUCK SOMEONE DESTROY HIM. SHOOT HIM IN THE GODDAMN CHEST, PLEASE. Side note: how cute is Jack in his jammies? Okay back to angst. Dean stop falling asleep on bottles. Jack? What's up honey? Aww cuteness overload from the jammies. Aww Dean found a dog look how happy he is OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG LOOK AT HIS FACE AWWW AHHHH HE'S SO EXCITED. OH MY FUCKING GOD KILL CHUCK KILL HIM I WANT HIM TO BURN ALIVE OH MY GOD PUNCH HIM. Oh hey Michael long time no see? What's up? Tis a shame about Adam, truly. Oh the book? Hey I love how Jack is just off to the side, eating a nougat bar. Hey are they gonna talk now? Oh wow. Um, Cas? How are you calling? I HAVE A REALLY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS. OH MY GOD WATCH DEAN RUN. FUCK IT'S LUCIFER. WHAT DOES HE WANT. LEAVE. LEAVE. THE EMPTY LET YOU OUT AND NOT CAS? BITCH. LUCIFER YOU ARE NOT PART OF THE TEAM. Oh who that lady? Betty. Oh hi Betty. I like Betty. She makes me laugh. Lucifer building a house of cards. Jack you okay buddy? Oh hey Michael. Nobody trust Lucifer. Ohhhh how does God end? Um Lucifer? What are you doing? Why does this entire episode feel off? Wait, Chuck pulled him out? Gross. Kill him. LUCIFER LEAVE JACK ALONE. He will NEVER BE WITH YOU LUCIFER. YEAH STAB HIM GOOD MICHAEL. Jack you seem... Off? Michael you seem off. No question mark. Michael why you lying. Oh yay Sam cracked it. Hey you know the lake reminds me of where Jack was born. Oh yeah, doing spell stuff. Very badass. Um. What happened? Oh fuck. Oh fuck. CHUCK. KILL HIM. BREAK HIM. SAM, DEAN, NOOOO. MICHAEL YOU SON OF A BITCH. OH HE DED. RIP. CHUCK YOU STUPID BASTARD. What now Chuck? Gonna go kick puppies? Oh wait, you already DID. DAMN SAM I'M PROUD OF YOU. OH CHUCK DON'T YOU DARE. NO. NO. OW. NO. NO THIS IS HORRIBLE. THIS IS AWFUL. STOP IT. STOP HURTING THEM. NO. NO. HEY DOES ANYBODY FEEL A WEIRD DÉJÀ VU? LIKE, DIDN'T BECKY MENTION IT? "No classic rock, no Cas"? OH MY GOD THIS IS CHUCK'S ENDING. THE ENDING HE WROTE. FUCK. THE META. IT'S DEEP. NO STOP IT. STOP HURTING HIM. OH MY GOD OWWWW. OH PLEASE CHUCK THEY'LL NEVER STAY DOWN. SHUT THE FUCK UP CHUCK. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU SO HARD. IT IS NOT ENOUGH. FUCK YOU. YEAH SAM HELP DEAN UP. YEAH YOU WON. LOOK AT JACK ALL CUTE IN HIS WHITE SHIRT. Jack you look nice. Is that a new haircut? HAHA Chuck you can't do anything. YESSS!!!!! FUCK YEAH JACK YESS YOU DO THAT YESS I'M SO PROUD. I'M SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU. OF ALL OF YOU. FUCK YES. Wait the book is blank? Wah- oh my god it's monologue time, bitch. I love this plan. It's awesome. Oh so that's what happened to Jack. They tricked you Chuck. Punched you right in your stupid face. METAPHORICALLY. They're not going to kill you. They're better than that. You fucker. Dean's no killer you fucker. Neither is Sam. Oh. Oh yes. OH YESS. THEY'RE WALKING AWAY. THIS IS BETTER THAN I'VE EVER HOPED. I'M SO SO PROUD OF THEM. DEAN SAYS THAT'S NOT WHO HE IS HE LISTENED TO CAS OH MY GOD. I'M SO PROUD OF THEM ALL. MY HEART CAN'T HANDLE IT. OH MY GOD. OH YESS LEAVE HIM TO ROT IN THE DIRT. YESSS. YESSS. YESSSSS!!!!! I'M SO SO SO FUCKING PROUD OF THEM ALL HOLY SHIT THEY DID THE GROWTH THING OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT. YEAH CHUCK THEY LEFT YOU, DEAL WITH IT. YES. I'M SO HAPPY. Aww is Jack going to bring everyone back? *Gasp* is he going to bring Cas back? Are we getting a reunion? OH MY GOD THE MUSIC IS SO NICE. JACK LOOKS SO AMAZING. THE PEOPLE ARE BACK!!! LOOK AT JACK SMILING ALL IN PEACE I'M SO PROUD OF HIM. I'M SO, SO PROUD OF HIM. HE GETS IT. HE GETS THE BEAUTY IN HUMANITY AND IN EARTH. IS JACK THE NEW GOD NOW? DEAN AND SAM ARE SO PROUD OF HIM. OH MY GOD IS JACK NOT COMING BACK? WHAT? WHY? Jack I just want you to know I love you so much. You're so smart and understanding and caring. You're better than God. You're Jack. Dean I know it's hard but Jack knows what he's doing. Jack understands faith. He understands family. He understands love. He understands. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM NOOO DON'T LEAVE ME I MEAN I'M SO PROUD OF YOU BUT NOOO MY BABY YOU'RE A BABY AND YOU'LL ALWAYS BE ONE YES. Sam and Dean, alone at the bunker. I'm so proud of them. They've come such a long way ever since the start. They get to be free now. But they're alone. Not for long. Next episode, everyone is coming back. OH NO THE TABLE. THE FUCKING TABLE. NO NO NO THEY WROTE JACK AND CASTIEL I CAN'T HANDLE IT SOMEONE HOLD ME. LOOK AT THEM DRIVING MY BABIES A MONTAGE OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING THE TEARS NO THEY LOOK SO HAPPY THIS ISN'T GOOD FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH. OH THE FAMILY DINNER. THE COWBOY HATS. THIS ID NOT OKAY. THE DINNER WITH TEAM FREE WILL 2.0 THIS HAS BEEN AMAZING I LOVE EVERYTHING.

S15E20 will be posted a few days after the episode!

5 notes · View notes

pufflyhallows · 5 years ago

Text

A Blessing And A Curse

Pairing: Oliver Wood x reader

Requested by @pachuh: Hey! Can I request an Oliver Wood imagine where you are just a Gryffindor power couple and everyone loves you together?? Like he’s the quidditch captain and you’re super nice to everyone in the house and help everyone. Maybe do a part where you just cuddle in the common room and people ask you for favors and Oliver is just like NO go away. Lol soryy if it’s very specific, i’ve been thinking about this for a while

a/n: Thanks again for requesting it! I loved this idea and how sweet the fic turned out. I hope you like it too!

Warnings: none

Word count: 1,791

********

You didn’t know what Oliver Wood had done to make you so stuck on him.

But there you were anyway, completely in love with the Keeper.

Your days in Hogwarts for sure had gotten more cheerful and colorful after your very first date, a year ago. It felt like your life was a jigsaw puzzle and Oliver was the missing piece you finally found. And maybe you were crazy, but you could swear everyone else thought the same.

You lost count on how many times you caught one of your fellow Griffindors watching the two of you with a tender look on their face as you walked down the corridor holding hands. Even students from other houses looked at the two of you like you weren’t from this world.

You didn’t mind it, though. You thought it was sweet and it warmed your heart to know that other people could see the love you two had for each other. It was good to spread some positivity around.

However, you also noticed a different kind of reaction. One that intrigued you. Maybe you were indeed crazy, but you felt like some students admired you two. They looked at you as if you were... famous. That sounded insane, even in your thoughts, but you couldn’t help it. It did feel like that. Specially once you caught a first-year elbowing her friend to look at the two of you, and when she did, they both smiled excitedly at each other.

Oliver, on the other hand, never seemed to notice any of that. Well, he was too busy to even breathe. He was focused on the Quidditch Cup and you weren’t going to distract him with a silly observation.

But you had to admit to yourself it was quite cute hearing the two girls whispering at each other when you walked past them.

“Do you think we’ll have our own Olivers one day?”

“I don’t know, but I want to be like Y/N!”

You wanted to turn around and tell the little girl that she was perfect already, but soon they were running in the opposite direction. You couldn’t refrain a smile, though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What an agitated week. You were barely having time to sit down lately. With the O.W.Ls coming up, every fifth-year was really close to a mental breakdown. You, being a sixth-year and having already taken those exams, were familiar with the feeling. The pressure was insane and a lot of students were having a hard time trying to cope.

You empathized with them. You had been there, after all. And what you had learned from that time was that group studies were the best way of dealing with that pressure. Besides helping each other with the subjects they most struggled with, in a group study the students were able to let out their frustrations and insecurities regarding the exams. You felt so safe, accepted and understood in your group studies... You wanted that for those nervous fifth-years too.

And that was why you had been so busy that week. After a shy boy asked you to help him with a Potions’ chapter, you decided to start your little project. You asked him to tell his classmates that if they were having trouble with a specific subject, they could come talk to you. And oh boy did they come.

The three subjects that seemed to get most people in trouble were Potions, DADA and Transfiguration. History of Magic and Charms had their reasonable amount of lost students too, with the other subjects having a little less. You noted everything in a parchment roll and started carrying it with you. Everytime a student came to you and said they were struggling with a subject, you wrote down their name and which subject.

You were excited about your little project, but you realized you were spending less and less time with Oliver. It was already rare to have him all to yourself because of the Quidditch practices, but now it was nearly impossible.

“We need to win this one,” he whispered to you during a class, “If we lose to Hufflepuff like we lost to Ravenclaw, our chances of winning the Cup are gone.”

“I know,” you whispered back, “I’m proud of you for working hard. But I miss you.”

“I promise you we’ll have more time after this game.” Oliver realized Professor Flitwick had his back to the students, so he put one arm around your shoulders and gently pulled you closer to him, “I miss you too. You’ve been quite busy.”

“I have a lot to do. My project has been getting more attention than I anticipated.”

“Your project?”

Professor Flitwick turned around and Oliver quickly removed his arm from your shoulders, you immediately missing the physical contact.

The teacher didn’t take his eyes off the students as he explained the assignment, which unfortunately meant you had to stop talking to Oliver unless you wanted to be called out in front of the whole class.

Soon enough the Professor dismissed the students to have lunch. During meals was the only time you were sure you would meet with Oliver and be able talk to him, since this year you only had a few subjects together. Of course it also meant in the Great Hall you would be surrounded by friends and the entire school, so you couldn’t get as intimate as you two would like to. And when you had free time, you had to keep up with the vast amount of homework from your N.E.W.T.-level classes. Besides that, Oliver had Quidditch and now you had your project. So yeah, meals were kind of a big deal, but this time you had to use it for a different purpose.

As soon as you sat down at the Gryffindor table, you started talking to your friends and other older students about your project. You explained to them that you were starting group studies for the fifth-years’ preparation for the O.W.Ls. You asked if anyone could help as you needed a tutor for each group, that you divided by subjects: a group study for Potions, another one for Defense Against the Dark Arts, another for Transfiguration and so on.

You were happy to see how many people volunteered to help, even though they had a lot of work themselves. You showed them your notes and started writing down who was going to teach what. You got Charms and was really excited to meet with your pupils.

A feeling of gratitude took over your heart as you put the parchment roll back in your bag. You didn’t notice, but Oliver watched you with a proud yet discrete smirk on his face.

“That is your project?” he whispered to you as your friends chatted loudly.

You nodded, smiling at him.

“What do you think?”

“You’re so kind, Y/N. I’m really proud to get to call you my girlfriend.”

Oliver thought no one would notice, but as soon as his lips touched yours, Lee Jordan practically yelled:

“We’ve been blessed!”

“Mom and dad!” one of your friends cried.

You giggled, covering your eyes with one hand. Oliver blushed slightly, but that didn’t stop him from replying in a quite annoyed tone.

“You guys couldn’t pretend you didn’t see it, huh?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Bye, Y/N!”

“Bye,” you waved at the last pupil as you both left the library after the first group study session.

You felt so happy. Spending time with the fifth-years and seeing them encouraging and motivating each other made you feel slightly emotional, though, because it made you remember when it was you and your friends going through that together. It was how you and Oliver became closer.

You smiled to yourself, remembering that you two shared your first kiss at the library late in the night, hiding from Madam Pince.

“At last...” you heard the familiar voice behind you in the now empty corridor. You turned around and met the eyes of your boyfriend. He was just standing there, his hands inside his pockets and that usual proud smirk on his face. His smile only got bigger as you approached him and threw your arms around his neck while he placed his around your waist in a tight hug. “How was it?”

“Good,” you replied, still holding him tight, “They said I was saving their lives. A bit dramatic, I would say. But I really liked them.”

Oliver slowly let go of you so he could look you in the eyes.

“That’s good to hear,” he said in a low voice, nodding, “But I missed you.”

“I thought you were with the team?”

“You did spend a lot of time at the library...” he smirked, “It rained. I cancelled practice. Been waiting for you in the common room for hours.”

“Oh... What time is it?” you frowned.

“It’s past curfew, that’s for sure.”

“Oh God, I totally lost track of time. I told Jamie I would only leave when he was done and I didn’t want to rush him, he was so close!” you explained, slightly excited about the student’s improvement.

“You’re cute,” Oliver smiled, “It’s okay. The common room is probably empty by now. We’ll have it all to ourselves.”

You bit your lower lip. “Is that so?”

He nodded, moving closer and pecking a brief, teasing kiss on your lips.

“C’mon,” he whispered, taking your bag from your shoulder and hanging it on his own, intertwining your fingers together right after.

Oliver was right. The common room was indeed empty. You felt thankful for the silence in the environment, after hours of listening to people talking. You weren’t complaining though, you had totally signed up for that! But it was still tiring.

You basically melted into the couch nearest the fireplace. Only now you could feel how tired you really were. Oliver placed your bag on the coffee table and sat down next to you. Without hesitation, you sat on his lap and rested your head on his chest. He seemed slightly surprised by your sudden change of position, but it didn’t mean he didn’t like it. He held you tight against him, wrapping his arms around you. It was amazing how comfortable both of you were like that.

“Hm,” you closed your eyes, “I missed this.”

“Me too.”

Taking advantage of the fact that his uncovered neck was really close to your lips, you placed a soft kiss there. Oliver instantly held you even tighter and you placed another kiss.

Your boyfriend started slowly playing with the ends of your hair as you kept softly kissing his neck. The atmosphere around you was perfect. You felt at peace.

“I wish I could sleep with you...” you whispered in his ear.

“We could sleep here,” he thought out loud.

“It wouldn’t be good for your back,” you shook your head.

“You’re worried about that and not someone finding us here in the morning?” he smiled.

“Well, we’re not a secret. Everyone here knows you belong to me,” you teased, placing yet another kiss on his neck.

When Oliver was about to reply, you both heard footsteps coming from the stairs to the dormitories. Your boyfriend sighed as you got off his lap to sit back on the couch.

“Thought you weren’t worried about people seeing us like that,” he raised an eyebrow, jokingly.

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes, but you had a silly smile on your face.

“Oh, hey, Y/N. Hey, Oliver,” you both heard the fifth-year boy greet you from the last step.

“Hey, Jamie,” you waved at him from the couch, Oliver did the same.

“Didn’t expect to see someone here,” the boy confessed, looking down at his pyjamas, “Specially you two.”

“Don’t worry,” you shook your head, feeling a little weird with that ‘specially you two’.

“I actually came downstairs to pick up my book that I forgot here,” he said walking towards one of the tables, “I couldn’t sleep, I kept thinking about that Charm I couldn’t do.”

“It’s understandable,” you nodded, “But you improved a lot today. I’m really proud.”

“Thank you,” the boy smiled, “Um... Since you’re here, Y/N, could you- could you show me how to do it one more time?”

“Um... Sur-”

“It’s late, Jamie,” Oliver interrupted you, “Y/N is tired. And I’m sure you’re tired too, maybe you should go rest now. Tomorrow you’ll try again.”

Although Oliver was polite and gentle, he sounded firm. Jamie shyly agreed and thanked you once again, to which you replied with a ‘see you tomorrow’.

As soon as the boy left, Oliver pulled you back to his lap.

“That was a bit cold,” you commented.

“Y/N, love, it’s past midnight. Your shift ended long ago.”

“Yeah, but... I feel bad,” you wrinkled your nose.

“He’ll be just fine. Don’t worry.”

Your boyfriend slowly came closer and pressed his lips on yours. You kissed him back as gently. One of his hands was now on the small of your back, the other moving up and down your thigh.

You placed your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, feeling your heart skip beats as your lips moved together.

Unfortunately, since the two of you were very busy, none of you noticed the mumbling coming from the stairs and it was too late when you finally broke the kiss.

“Beautiful!” Fred Weasley started clapping.

“A work of art!” George agreed, also clapping.

“Shh!” you brought your index finger to your lips, “You’ll wake the entire tower.”

“Why are you two up?” Oliver asked with a disapproval look on his face, “Tomorrow is going to be a long day. You guys should be sleeping.”

“We could say the same about you, Don Juan,” Fred remarked.

“Don’t think because you’re the captain you won’t have to work as hard,” George added with an authoritarian voice.

“Never thought that,” Oliver replied.

“Y/N, you’re good with Charms, aren’t you?” the younger twin asked, ignoring his captain.

“No, she’s not,” Oliver answered before you had the chance, “She’s terrible at it. The worst I’ve ever seen.”

You bit your lower lip to hold back your laugh as you softly squeezed his shoulder.

“Wow. You call yourself her boyfriend?” Fred pretended to be shocked. “And to think that I shipped you,” he shook his head.

“Fine, just pretend we’re not here then,” George said.

“Yes, don’t look behind. We’re busy too,” his older brother agreed as they both walked towards the book shelf and started moving things around, their backs facing you and your boyfriend. You couldn’t see what they were doing exactly, but you knew it wasn’t something good. Well, at least not to the person that prank was destined to.

“Is it a curse?” Oliver whispered to you, “Are we cursed?”

“No,” you looked at him, “We’re blessed.”

“Maybe it’s both. I’m lucky to have you, that’s for sure, but... I wish we had more privacy. People always seem to be around and... staring.”

“You noticed it too?” you asked surprised.

“You can’t really not notice.”

“I wouldn’t say they’re staring, though. It’s more like they like to see us together.”

“Staring,” he concluded, making you chuckle.

“Can you blame them? You’re so hot,” you smiled, pressing your lips on his.

“You’re one to talk,” he smiled as well.

“Say you love each other!” George’s voice popped the bubble you two were inside. You both looked at the other side of the room and saw the twins watching you with smirks on their faces.

“Oh God,” Oliver sighed, his head falling back.

“Let’s get out of here,” you whispered, although you were very amused, and took his hand in yous, dragging him out of the Common Room despite Fred and George’s protests.

No need to say that night was the first time you slept together.

And the first time you got a detention too.

********

#oliver wood #oliver wood x reader #oliver wood imagine #oliver wood fluff #oliver wood fanfiction #oliver wood fanfic #oliver wood fic #hogwarts #harry potter imagines #harry potter #harry potter imagine #gryffindor #slytherin #ravenclaw #hufflepuff #random tag #I'm stupid

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justformyself2 · 5 years ago

Text

P.S I Love You (p3)

Hi guys, how are you doing? I hope the quarentine life is treating you well, let’s be brave, save lifes and read some fanfics while we at it, right? Welcome to part three. I hope you all enjoy ♥

The Rom-Com Writing Challenge is brought to you by my dear creative friend @lullabieswrappedinlies. As the title says, this is inspired by - the great at making me cry hard movie- ‘P.S. I Love You.’ if you haven’t seen it, go see it before you read this

BEFORE YOU JUMP IN BE ADVISED:

.This series contains spoilers from the movie P.S. I LOVE YOU.

. Pairing: Reader x John Krasinski.

. (Y/M/N) stands for ‘your mother’s name’

. Parts in italic means memories.

.It contains strong language.

.It contains angst and grieve.

. IF you want you can read this along with the amazing soundtrack from the movie CLICK HERE

NEW HERE? CLICK FOR PART TWO

.gif found by google search.

JOHN'S POV.

Gerry pats my back as if he just told me I had to work an extra shift, but he is not (Y/M/N), and I can't react casually.

"John?"

He calls, devoid of ceremonies as if we already had this routine, and makes an invitation move for me to join him on the varnished red table, and I do, for the main reason of making him rewind the words.

I walk the walk and take a chair in front of him.

"Can you please repeat what you said?"

I go back to the kitchen, leaving her with the TV for a while. She asked for water, and somehow I can't find cups and can't stop walking in circles around this suffocating kitchen, murmuring the phrase 'Gerry was wrong, he was wrong.' under my breath like a lunatic.

"Are you okay?"

I turn around, and she is leaning against the wall.

"Yeah, yes, yes."

I try to breathe between the repetitions, feeling like I've lost some of the control over myself, and I wasn't myself with her walking around this apartment, haunting me as Gerry did, what caused the expected concerned look on her face for a moment.

"Okay, triple confirmation."

I could feel the hotness in my hands, and with that, the unrequested wetness starting to form.

"I don't function very well in the heat."

She giggles and stupid weather talk saves me for now.

"I will get you the water. I just need to find the cups." I turn around spotting, the earlier invisible cups on the dish rack above the sink. "Right there."

I go to them, with the feeling of stupidity over my shoulders.

"John, can I ask you something?"

(Y/N) POV.

He turns the cups up, placing them on the counter slowly, and nods at you before opening the small beige fridge under the dark wooden cabinets. He inclines the torso and grabs a glass jar that seemed too recently filled and not cold enough.

"You and Gerry got pretty close when he was...You know." You breathe in and continue. "Do you know anything about these letters?"

John is pouring the water in the cups, and besides that, he doesn't move a muscle.

"No, I really don't."

Putting the water jar back into the fridge, he then takes a bag of ice out. It makes a cracking sound against the sink, he rips the bag with the help of a knife, looking impatient.

"It is okay if you do. It is not Mark, that's for sure."

You laugh, but he is still quiet while putting the ice cubes on both cups.

The most unusual feeling hits your core, hard, there was no way to miss it, and it is easily discernible.

John hands you the cup with a condescending smile. Your fingers touch slightly; the cold glass refreshes your palm.

"You know. I love Gerry. I'll always will. He was romantic, charming, but awful at poetry. I mean, he had this band back in Ireland, but his friend, Shawn, was to one who wrote all the songs. Writing about his feelings wasn't his thing, I have all the birthday and anniversaries cards to prove it."

You laugh to yourself and watch John start to gulp the water aggressively as you continue the thought.

"I know he told not to get stressed about how the letters were coming, but yesterday I was reading the letters before bed. I realized only some of them have PS: I love you on it, and only some of them have words I know Gerry wouldn't use, ever."

He finishes the liquid in less than a minute, using the back of his hand to wipe his lips while avoiding eye contact, which only made you annoyed.

"John." You called, his eyes shift for a second towards you, blinking twice.

"You can call me crazy, but did you wrote some of the letters?"

JOHN’S POV.

"Listen. I know this is full of good intentions, but someday the letters will stop coming, and when they do, what will she do?"

Gerry reclines on the seat, and for a moment, I let myself get fooled by the idea of putting his mind on the right track.

"I know, but I'm only doing this because I have a reason to take a leap of faith here."

I sigh. My hands were unquiet. I untangle my hair back, feeling an enormous amount of overwhelming frustration.

"And what is that reason?"

"You."

Complete quietness resides between us, although I wanted to say some words back at him, mimicking the same lack of ceremony with which he approaches everything.

"Tell me you're joking."

Gerry smiles, but not at me.

"Good afternoon, guys. What can I get you?"

A John C. Reilly look-alike appears with a notepad on my right.

"Two beers, please." Is Gerry's order.

"I'm not drinking in the middle of the day, dude." I protest, and his eyes roll back.

"I'll have them. If there is a God, he knows how much I need it."

"So, only two beers?" John C. Reilly asks. Gerry's eyes brighten up and squint towards him.

" You look like someone." The waiter heavy sighs and I breathe out, avoiding eye contact with both of them. It is when I noticed through the large windows heavy dark clouds spreading in the sky.

"I will get your order now."

He rushes out, and Gerry laughs, pointing his thumb at the poor man, who was probably disgracing both of us right now.

"I swear to god, can't get his name straight right now." He starts to snap his fingers towards me, like asking for a plus one on his guessing game, and for a moment, I envy how fast he could get adrift from things, that are just not only things but people, (y/n).

"Gerry, can we talk? Actually, talk about this, not get drunk, not get distracted. I know this is hard-."

"You don't, you really don't, unless you are on this seat; You just want to be nice about it, and that is okay. You are the good guy, and you do good things, but sorry if I need a couple of beers to get forward with it. This is not me taking out on the fact that I'm dying. I just need to drink."

He inclines over the table, spreading his hands under his chest. For some odd reason, my mind traces back to the day when (Y/N) appeared at the bar, hyperventilating, throwing the umbrella on the ground, with desperation written all over her face.

It was raining heavily that day, and the news couldn't stop reporting about the flood on the subways stations. I turned the TV off immediately when she burst through the door, falling into (Y/M/N) arms like a child and sobbed aggressively while we tried to figure out what to do. That was the day I knew about Gerry's fate.

"Look. I know what I'm doing sounds in a way, bad for her, but what I'm counting on you to be there because I know-.'' He stops, closing his eyes for a second, suddenly I feel heavy, and still can't anticipate what could be coming from him.

"I know you and her, had a thing before we meet-."

"Oh no, no, no, no-." I cut him straight, wanting to leave, even with the dark clouds threatening to get me on the way, above.

"Shut up, okay, be a grown-up about it and let me finish."

He breaths out.

"I need your help with the letters because you are good at writing and being a poet or whatever you did in college. (Y/N) loves this stuff, and I want the letters to be special, and I want you to be involved in the process, help her to recover. When I'm gone, she is going to need... good people around her, who... loves her."

"Gerry, please."

He ignores me.

"It is going to be her choice in the end, okay? but I only trust you because if you love her enough to see her every day with me and not interfere, then you love her enough to do this. I know I'm twisting the knife, I'm sorry, but she will need you. Of course, she has her mom, who I don't know if it is happy or sad that I'm going to die, and her friends, who will eventually move on, while she is going to feel left behind, she will need someone new, but also someone who knows her, who was always there."

My stomach tosses and turns, and I don't want to trust my senses.

"I thought a long time about this. I can't be selfish; I literally don't have the time. I want (Y/N) to be happy; just see this as a blessing because I rather be you than anyone else, and I have a motive, believe me. Just promise me you will take care of her. Come on! are you denying a dying man his last wish?"

#RomComWC #RCWC #john krasinski imagine #john krasinskixreader #John Krasinski #imagine #fanfiction #fanfic #movie #p.s. i love you #writing challenge

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ladyofpurple · 5 years ago

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answer all of the questions!!

holy SHIT ok bless you omg

(sorry it's a full day late i took this shit SERIOUSLY. don't ask me how many hours this took, i was in A Mood™️ last night. removed the ones already answered xoxo)

angel; have you ever been in love?

yeah. didn't end too well, but i loved him.

petal; favorite novel and author?

this is like asking me to pick a favorite child. i guess favorite author would be stephen king, if only based entirely on the sheer quantity of his books i own alone. favorite book would probably be special topics in calamity physics by marisha pessl, and i'm only saying that because it's been my go-to response for years. i have lots of favorite books. ask me again in five minutes and i'll give you another one.

honey perfume; favorite perfume/scent?

freshly made coffee. lilacs. jasmine. cut grass. the ground after it rains. chocolate chip cookies in the oven. cigarette smoke on skin. my mom's shampoo. my grandma. my dog when he's just had a bath. thanksgiving dinner. acrylic paint on canvas. sawdust. that one cologne i can't name but can smell on a guy from a mile away. mulled cranberry and apple juice. vanilla. coconut. fresh laundry. peppermint.

sweet pea; what’s your zodiac?

virgo sun, pisces moon, scorpio rising ✨

softie; talk about your sexuality.

i'm biromantic asexual, primarily attracted to men more than women (but have had too many crushes on girls to consider myself het), generally sex repulsed when it comes to the thought of having it myself. i prefer to call myself queer in passing conversation, it's easier than explaining asexuality and the differences between sexual and romantic attraction. if someone asks more specifically, i'll usually just call myself bi for simplicity's sake, even though the ace part is a much more important (to me) part of my identity. monogamous as fuck.

i'm still struggling with internalized homophobia and a lot of "am i even queer enough" thoughts, which is super fun. took me a long time to even consider the fact that i might like girls at all. i'll probably never come out to my parents. not that they'd, like, disown me or whatever, but they're juuuuust homophobic/transphobic enough that my few attempts to educate them when they say something A Little Yikes have shown me that i should probably just stay in the closet unless i absolutely have to come out. like i'm getting married to a woman or something.

sugarplum; what’s the color of your eyes and hair?

i usually say my eyes are green because it's easier, and they mostly are, but i have rings of greyish blue around the irises and sometimes they're more hazel in the middle. they always have a green tint to them though, even if the intensity of the green varies.

my natural hair is brown, a little on the darker and slightly ashy side of completely generic. currently a former blonde, although i'm hoping to bleach my fucking YEAR of growout soon, and then go some crazy color as a last hurrah before i have to go dark again. being broke fucking sucks.

wings; coffee or tea?

tea!! black tea. chai, to be specific, with an irresponsible amount of milk and sugar. chai lattes are a fucking drug okay? coffee makes me sick (not a judgement, a literal fact. last time i tried some i threw up).

fairytale; are you a cat or dog person?

cat!! but my family has a chihuahua named sonny and you can pry that little monster from my cold dead hands ok i will fight you.

snowflake; favorite time period?

okay, i wrote and rewrote my answer to this about 10 times. then i tried to divide it up into categories (aesthetics, history, fashion, vibes, geographical location, etc), but that didn't help. so basically: i don't have one, because i have too many.

i like the american 20s-60s for the aesthetic, music/movies, and the fashion. i also like the european 1600s-1800s for the interesting history and also vibe. i love the french and russian revolutions — the fashion! the art! the wars and political upheaval! I FUCKING LOVE HISTORY. then, of course, we can't forget the rennaisance. or the witch trials (pick your continent). and ancient greece? the roman empire? hello?? did i mention empires? how bout we mosy on over to south america — can i interest you in the mayans? incans? aztecs? what about china and japan? korea? vietnam? and don't even get me fucking STARTED on the black plague.

ancient egypt? sign me the FUCK UP. vikings? yes please. the celts? oh boy. the MYTHOLOGY. the ARCHITECTURE. the LANGUAGES and POLITICS and LITERATURE and REVOLUTIONS and GOD HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN ANY OF THESE

i uh. might have gotten a little excited. basically i like history a lot. and mythology. and linguistics. and cultural practices. and the politics and prejudices behind wars and stuff. and learning in general. moving on.

vanilla; do you believe in ghosts?

let's put it this way: i don't not believe in ghosts??

listen. we don't know jack shit. we don't know what happens after we die, there are constant scientific revelations that turn our understanding of the universe completely upside-down, and there is literally no way to know which religions or myths or urban legends could have some grain of truth to them. like, dude, i've literally thought i was haunted before. psychology is bananas and the universe is infinite.

demons could be real. ghosts could be real. what if we just haven't invented the necessary technology to prove it yet? what if we never do, and they just fuck around alongside us, moving furniture and making shadow puppets on the walls just for kicks until the earth explodes? what if that one tumblr post was right and ghosts are actually real people from alternate universes or timelines that we see accidentally bc some cosmic wires got crossed? who fucking knows.

i love horror movies and scary stories and ghost hunter shows just as much as the next gal. but listen. psychics? mediums? people who accept every single creepypasta retold third-hand from their neighbor's kid's classmate's second cousin who "totally knows a guy"? doubt.jpeg

i don't understand the sheer amount of assumptions made willy-nilly about the nature of ghosts and demons and things that go bump in the night. the assumption that "oh this machine that totally doesn't look like a coathanger taped to a walkman will work because ghosts have this temperature and can always communicate like this and are electromagnetic" or whatever just baffles me. to a certain degree, following a general consensus is one thing — some basic things everyone can agree on? that's cool. ghosts can walk through walls and are probably dead people or whatever. but oh my god, taking every single story as absolute, undeniable proof?? taking these stories and expanding on them to infer intentions and scientific facts to something that by it's very nature is unknowable and assuming, like, every spirit is created equal?? and yeah, ghost hunting shows are fun and campy and kinda creepy but like. you really, genuinely don't think any of them have ever faked anything at all??? even if ghosts are real, it's fucking reality tv, my dude. it's the entertainment industry. at least maintain the slightest ounce of critical thought before taking zak bagans' word as the goddamn gospel.

and sidenote, maybe it's just my limited exposure as a white woman in the western world, but of all the shows and podcasts and movies and documentaries and whatnot i've been able to find and consume, there's the constant use of christian ideology applied to every situation that just really burns my bacon. what, there's never been an atheist ghost? if you see a shadow person and you don't know the lord's prayer by heart, are you automatically fucked? why are there never stories about, i don't know, viking ghosts? does your religion in life preclude you from becoming a ghost in the first place? is that why people never mention buddhist ghosts? i don't get it, and that's why even though i'm self-admittedly the most superstitious person i've ever met, true believers make me roll my eyes so hard they almost fall out. makes me come across as more skeptical than i theoretically am. I HAVE VERY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS OK

but like, you couldn't pay me to fuck with a ouija board. i'm not stupid.

delicate; diamonds or pearls?

both have their appeal and their place, but diamonds, i guess. i like the sparkle. but fake ones!! or synthetic. diamonds are overpriced and artificial scarcity is a scam and i don't need a dumb rock that some poor person in a mine somewhere was exploited and possibly died for. no blood diamonds in this house, thank you very much.

if i ever get engaged, i don't want a diamond ring. i'd want something cool, a little unusual, like a ruby or a sapphire or some other sparkly gem that isn't literally shoved in your face every waking moment as the expected standard symbol of True Love. they're cheaper, they're cool-looking, as a ring they still hold the cultural symbolism of an engagement/wedding ring. and honestly, as long as it's well-made and durable, whatever hypothetical gem it is doesn't have to be real either. i'm a woman of simple needs and demonstrably low standards. no point in going into debt for a fucking piece of jewelry, regardless of ~tradition~.

lavender dream; favorite album?

oh lord. welcome to the black parade, i guess. or anything by panic! at the disco. there are dozens of possible options — my interests are mercurial and my memory is garbage. but i'll always be an emo little shit. black parade and vices and virtues were also the first two albums i ever listened to where i loved every single song on them, and i happened to listen to them for the first time at around the same point in my life (i got into mcr super late. like, 2012 late. rip).

silky; what’s your biggest dream?

it's cheesy but i guess i just want stability and, by extension, happiness. emotional stability, mental stability, financial stability, stable living situation, stable routines, stable relationships... you get the idea. i have ambitions and passions, of course, but my ultimate goal is happiness at this point in my life, and i'm pretty sure stabilizing all those things would go a pretty long way in achieving that goal.

a little apartment with walls i can paint because white walls make me angry. bookshelves and posters and fandom merch on every wall. a computer i can actually play games on again, and somewhere i can paint and draw and record my podcasts. someone who loves me, maybe. a cat, if i'm stable enough. space for people to come visit me, and a place for them to sleep if they need. a tiny balcony, if i really want to shoot for the stars. a job i don't hate. the spoons to hang out with my friends, and the money to not worry about buying little presents for the people i care about sometimes. i don't need much.

strawberry kiss; do you have a crush right now?

nope.

glitter; favorite fictional character?

another loaded question. like books, if you ask me again in five minutes i'll probably give you a different answer. but in this particular moment, caleb and jester from critical role (please don't make me choose between them). i won't go full shipping mode rn, but jester is so funny and silly and sweet, so much more complex than she seems, and she tries so hard to make everyone happy even when she's so sad inside. the healer who treats healing as an inconvenience in battle (she's so fucking valid and also mood), the glue that keeps the party together. and caleb learning to trust again, facing his trauma and coming out of his shell. he loves his friends so much he plays wizard as a support class and i love him so much.

i love the mighty nein in general, of course, and all the guests/honorary members they've had. pumat!! pls don't be evil reani!! keg!! shakäste and grand duchess anastasia!! cali!! kiri!!!! the brotps! empire siblings! chaos crew! nott the best detective agency! i still love molly and all his assholery to bits (fight me), and mourn his lost potential. i adore yasha, even when she's gone; fjord has grown so much; beau and nott and caduceus — i love all their flaws and disagreements and their character arcs and the excitement of watching them grow and learn. but if i had to choose, caleb, jester and molly have always been my top 3 since day 1 and, well, molly isn't really an option anymore.

but like i said, ask me again in a minute. i have a fucking list.

swan; share a quote or passage that means something to you.

a collection of things off the top of my head:

Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition. — Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen

a tired feminist Mood™️

"What I say is, a town isn't a town without a bookstore. It may call itself a town, but unless it's got a bookstore, it knows it's not foolin' a soul." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

i got my love of books from my grandma — some of my favorites i got from her. sometimes, as a treat, she used to take my sister and i to bookstores and we'd stay there for ages, getting to pick one out, roaming the shelves, the mental torture of having to choose. the peace of being surrounded by thousands of potential worlds, so much information, so many stories just waiting to be told; being surrounded by strangers who share that same wonder. the anxious drive home so we could read them, being unable to wait that long so i inevitably start reading in the car and make myself sick. telling her in excited detail all my favorite parts. if we were lucky, maybe we got to split a bear claw, or she'd drive past starbucks and get us something there too (tall vanilla soy steamer with one pump of vanilla syrup, whipped cream on top that always melted too quickly and squirted out the hole in the lid, so hot it burned my tongue but so good i didn't care). i have never felt more at home than i do when i'm surrounded by books.

"There are a lot of different types of freedom. We talk about freedom the same way we talk about art, like it was a statement of quality rather than a description. “Art” doesn’t mean good or bad. Art just means art. It can be terrible and still be art. Freedom can be good or bad, too. There can be terrible freedom. You freed me, and I didn’t ask you to." — Alice Isn't Dead, season 1, chapter 2: Alice

as cringey as it is to admit it, this line made me cry a lot after my breakup.

"So you aren't American?" asked Shadow.

"Nobody's American," said Wednesday. "Not originally. That's my point." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

[side-eyes white america real hard]

there's more, of course. there's always more. don't even get me started on song lyrics, we'll be here all day.

lace; what’s your favorite plant/flower?

lilacs and roses.

mermaid; do you prefer the forest or the ocean? why?

both, i guess. but in different ways, and in different circumstances.

the sea is wild. it is endless and deep and unknowable. it is beautiful and dangerous. i am terrified of the ocean, and yet my favorite place in the world is an empty beach on the oregon coast. i have picked sand from between my toes for days with hair crusted in salt, danced around bonfires and watched the stars while marshmallows burn, gotten pulled under the waves as a child and nearly swept out to sea. picked starfish and crabs from small pools in the rocks, and swum (accidentally) with wild sea lions. in a long skirt, too early in the year to be swimming, i once took off my shoes and waded fully clothed into the water to my waist and just... danced. splashed and kicked and laughed with a boy i barely knew until our throats were sore and our toes were numb, walking home hours later with our soaked clothes clinging to our legs, shoes squelching, dripping algae as we went. the ocean is freeing and overwhelming all at once. i love it and am petrified by it in equal measure.

the forest is beautiful in a different way. it is silent and dense and serene. you are surrounded by life and yet, somehow, completely alone. there is magic in the forest, and history, and even when all else dies, that will remain. the trees grow from the corpses of their ancestors, and some have lived dozens of our lifetimes — with luck, a few dozen more. it is quiet there, peaceful, even the tiniest wood in the middle of a city muffling the outside world through the trees. you can feel the ancient ways deep in your soul as you follow winding paths strewn with fallen leaves, the mystery and wonder and superstitions of your forefathers. you wonder what it would be like, to run your fingers over the moss, to take off your shoes and socks and just run, leaping and dancing over rocks and roots, hair wild and air filling your lungs in deep, pure gulps as you shed the responsibilities and struggles of modern life, for just a moment remembering what freedom tastes like. it is primal, this connection to nature, one we have nearly forgotten over time. and as the sky grows dark and the silence of night presses against you, shadows looming, every footfall deafening, perhaps you begin to understand why some believed in monsters.

honeymoon; do you keep a journal?

i used to. honestly, that's a good idea, i should start doing that again. lord knows i have enough empty journal-type books.

starlight; do you believe in love at first sight and soulmates? why/why not?

i want to. i want to believe there's someone out there for me, the love of my life, someone to whom i'll be the love of their life, and that when i meet them i'll just... know.

but when i met my ex, i didn't really look twice at him for a while — no love at first sight. and when we were together, when i loved him and he swore he loved me back, i thought he hung the stars in the sky and knew i would marry him someday. couldn't even consider the idea that that wouldn't happen. and then when he broke up with me, he ghosted me so suddenly and thoroughly that he even preemptively cut contact with every single one of our mutual friends he thought might side with me in the breakup, before anybody even knew we'd had a fight. so, not soulmates either.

i really want to believe that someday the perfect romance will just fall into place and i can have the happily ever after i've always dreamed of. but the reality is i might never even have another s.o. for the rest of my life. maybe i'll get hit by a car tomorrow, or my hypothetical soulmate moves to argentina to become an alpaca farmer on a mountain somewhere and we never even meet. maybe i'm so traumatized by the betrayal and lies that i'll never have the courage to even try again.

and even so, happily ever after doesn't have to include a fairytale romance, regardless of whether i want it or not. i still like to cling to that hope though, deep down.

princess; what do you value most in people?

i'm going to assume you mean "real people" as in people i have positive relationships with, and not random strangers on the street.

loyalty. kindness. support. humor. similar values. patience. being able to grow together and teach each other things, so we can make each other better. honesty. trust. compassion. confidence. emotional vulnerability. communication. intelligence, or at least a willingness to learn. strength.

#nobody asked me to go this hard and yet here we are #my favorite pasttimes: talking about myself and being pretentious on main #Lady answers stuff #anon good nurse #Lady of Purple's slice of life #ask meme

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trunaturalista · 5 years ago

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Costa Rica: The Solo Traveler.

I have received so many DM’s and texts regarding my trip and I wanted to share a few answers. Please reach out if there is something I did not address.

Did you use a travel agency for your Costa Rica trip?

Absolutely not. The only time I’ve used an agency was when I went to Dubai and that was only because I was traveling to the Middle East. I planned this entire trip myself. I found a great treehouse to stay in with wonderful owners that made the entire process seamless and meaningful. Google.com. Booking.com. Search for exactly what you want.

Did you stay on a resort?

Nope! I stayed in a treehouse/villa apartment vibe. It was gated, but anyone could honestly access if it really was that deep. This was one of the most amazing places I’ve stayed. I met all of the owners and they ensured I was happy, safe, each and every day. If you are afraid of bugs, lizards, monkeys, snakes, well the wilderness, do not do it to yourself. You will not make it, lol.

What made you select Costa Rica for your first solo travel trip?

It’s literally one of the top places for female solo travelers. Literally….do your research on every country, city, village you want to travel to and read articles. Check stats. Research crime. Costa Rica has always been on my very long bucket list and it seemed kind of perfect.

It is rainy reason, but I believe this season really gave me an opportunity to relax, release and think. It rained a lot at night and that is when I wrote, read, and meditated the most.

I really wanted to stay in a village to get the true experience although…many thought this was beyond dangerous. Most did not speak English at all and you have to be prepared for this. I loved hearing about the history of the village from the locals.

Costa Rica is the safest country in Central America…:)

This trip allowed me to travel on a small plane. I had to fly into San Jose and then take a domestic flight from San Jose to Tambor. From Tambor, my taxi ride was 45 mins to the village and to my treehouse. It was a lot of travel, but it was exactly the experience I wanted.

Were you scared? Did you feel unsafe?

I absolutely was scared…who would not be? I am always a little anxious before traveling to a new place, but it’s not a bad feeling – it’s like a rush, really. Like wow, I’m really doing this! When I arrived at the village and even when I landed in San Jose…there is not one moment when I felt unsafe. Everyone was warm, welcoming, and willing to give me information if I had a question about something. When I was out on my Quad and it had issues reversing and switching gears, someone was always willing to help. Even if they did not speak English, they still wanted to make sure I was good. Never felt like I was going to be snatched or sold into sex trafficking as so many people chimed in my inbox.

Why solo travel?

I’ve learned that people are extremely disappointing and will bail on you at any minute when it comes to travel. I told myself that when I turned thirty, I would embark on this solo travel journey for a number of reasons:

The trip was about me! I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, hell I sat around naked for hours doing absolutely nothing but thinking about how blessed I was. My daughter. Future plans. My friendships. Relationship. Everything.

I was 100000% selfish. I spent money money! Bought what I wanted. I ate what the fuck I wanted. When I wanted, woke up when I wanted, drank when I damn well pleased andddddd was just naked as hell in the rainforest. I called the damn shots.

Man, I was able to recharge. Lowkey, but highkey, if you know me, I’ve been through a lot of shit the last year. Relocating twice. Job switches. Adjusting for both myself and my beautiful child. I’ve lost and gained friends. This trip gave me the space to recharge my mental, physical and emotional being. It was so necessary.

I love vulnerability. Like, solo travel is the ultimate way to put yourself in a vulnerable situation. Listen, I’ve moved to two places with/out any family or friends in sight – that is vulnerability. But, traveling to a foreign country solo is another level. It’s scary, but it’s a cool ass vibe man. With this….you can accomplish anything.

I needed and wanted to create a space to heal. That is all I can really say on that.

I needed to find myself again. I get lost, found, lost, found. It’s nice. Meaningful. You literally have nothing but time to think about any and everything. It’s quiet.

Solo travel is super empowering. It’s only lonely when you decide not to go out and meet, talk to and explore, honestly.

What did your family and friends say?

Loaded question!

Listen, my mom was excited but worried as any mom should be. My dad was on some ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT ‘ASHA and probably didn’t sleep the entire time I was gone. My sisters were all for it and encouraging. My closest friends were super happy for me. My man-panion was worried, but also excited because he’s traveled solo abroad as well. So many folks in my messages with envious messages and words of encouragement. Felt great. But, there were a lot of ppl in my inbox spewing negativity. “You are crazy” “You can be sex trafficked” “It’s stupid to travel alone” “what about Zarah” “you wilding” blah blah blah etc etc etc. Thank God I am in a much better space now, otherwise I might have reacted negatively. I chalk it up as projection (clearly they do not have the vagina to live life out loud) and keep it pushing. And thank Allah that I have a hefty life insurance policy.

How much was your trip?

Stay out of my pockets, playa, lol.

What tips do you have for female solo travelers in Costa Rica?

Research the city/village you plan to stay in. How do they dress? What is around? Are there things to do? Is crime heavy? Try to dress the part. The less you look like a tourist, the better. Bring boots or some sort of heavy duty shoe. Cover up!

Walk fast. Yo, keep it pushing. Get to where you are going to get, period. Google maps!

Keep cash in multiple places just in case you are robbed. Let’s be honest…crime happens everywhere and if you look like a tourist, you are in a vulnerable position. Keep cash in your bra, you backpack, your shoe, your pockets. If you are unfortunately robbed, they won’t get to all of those places. I cannot express this enough!

Do not be afraid to speak to strangers. You honestly do not have a choice. I mean, you could sit around and simply not socialize with anyone, but that really is no fun. This trip gave me an opportunity to put myself out there and talk to people in my broken Spanish ways, lol. I was forced to make friends. When I went to yoga, I met three people from Washington D.C all of which were female and in Costa Rica alone – it felt great. Had I not opened my mouth, I would have never met those travelers.

Solo travel means you are not splitting the cost of anything with anyone – it can be costly. Save up for solo trips and accept that you are going to have to drop some bread to enjoy yourself, depending on what you want to do. Luckily, $1 USD = $568.26 colones so I pretty much balled out in that village, lol. Food was cheap. A whole meal could be about 3000 colones, which is only $5.00 in USD. And by whole meal, I mean a whole Red Lobster meal for $20.00. Like, I’m not kidding.

Alcohol – Well, due to recent “deaths” due to Costa Rican alcohol, I was definitely on super high alert. I brought my own American shots to Costa Rica and visited the village market for wine. I only purchased wines that I knew were sold in America and that were not made in Costa Rica as a precaution. I did not drink at any of the bars in Costa Rica when I was out to eat because I had everything I needed at my treehouse. It made sense. Always be safe. I was not too alarmed by the number of deaths considering the millions of people that travel in and out of Costa Rica daily, but still.

Please pack bug spray and sunblock. Listen, the bugs are looking for blood and Costa Rica is way down by the equator. The HEAT HITS DIFFERENT OK. Protect your skin at all times! Plus, there are a lot of questionable bugs that I know bit me, lol.

What were your struggles?

I worry a lot. I’ve always been a worrier as my mom says. When I could learn what it meant to worry, I started lol. I worried about so many things, but I didn’t let it overcome me.

The village was intimidating – at first. But, once I got out there and drove around, I was cool.

My ATV/Quad had major struggles, lol. The first night I went out for dinner at this place called Koji’s and I couldn’t get the damn thing to start or reverse. A man saw me struggling and started walking my way. I’m thinking….OH GOD, it’s over for me, lol. But, he came over and got me on my way. I was grateful and he….was harmless.

I am not super friendly, but I’m not mean. I struggled with walking up to strangers and asking questions. But, I did it. It was awesome and I met some amazing people!

Interesting thing happened:

On my flight from the United States to San Jose….there was a mother and her small child, maybe 6 or 7 months old, traveling to Costa Rica alone. She happened to be walking by my seat on the plane and started to have a seizure out of nowhere. The flight attendants were asking who could hold the baby and no one wanted to hold the baby.

This was happening right next to me.

There was a doctor and two nurses on the flight and they confirmed that she was having a seizure and that we had to let it pass. Mind you, this baby was screaming bloody murder and needed a damn diaper change. Finally, she wakes up and explains that she has never has seizures before and she seemed fine as she grabbed her baby. No less than twenty minutes later, she starts having another seizure and we embark on an emergency landing into San Jose. As for anyone….this gave me major anxiety. I started to think…what will happen to me if I have a seizure? I have no one around. Nobody knows my health history. Anxiety began to really whoop my ass due to this horrible event. I was able to breathe, push through, etc. Prayer, meditation, faith in God, really.

Summary?

This trip taught me that there is nothing to fear but God. And (as my friend says) that the world is big and you are safe in it. I feel like a new person. I feel refreshed. Renewed. Free. I feel like a got damn beast. I feel strong. Empowered. Powerful. I feel invigorated. I feel sanctified, damn I feel liberated. Ugh. Go for it. Travel solo. I cannot wait to book my next destination and share it with you all.

#solotravel #travelguide #femaletravel #blackwomen #blogger #vlogger #writers on tumblr #poetry #poems #writers #costarica

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hi-i-love-u-bitch · 6 years ago

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Rainy Days and Warm Blankets

Hello @gothelixar tis I your Secret Sanders! I wrote you two soft/cutesy Moxiety fics because I have no self control. I would of written you more but the holidays got me busy and my family is driving me crazy. Read them in which ever order you like and I hope you enjoy them!!!

It was raining outside, everything was dark and gloomy and cold, drops of water rapped against the window in gentle pitter patters. This all contrasted greatly to the inside of the house which was cozy and warm, a roaring fire lit up the living room and a mountain of blankets and pillows surrounded the couch. There sitting side by side were Patton and Virgil, a cup of warm coco in their hands as they quietly chatted amongst each other.

“I have nothing against raisin oatmeal cookies, they can actually be very delicious if made right” Patton rambled “but it’s just sometimes they come out dry and bland and other times you just NEED a chocolate chip cookie! It has nothing to do with it being raisin or oatmeal, individually they’re fine as well as together, but it’s just sometimes you need a little more sweetness. It’s a good cookie! I’m not saying it’s a bad cookie because it’s not!’

Virgil smiled up at his rambling boyfriend as he snuggled in closer, careful not to spill his coco. He took in a deep breath as he continued listen to his lover’s mindless rambling, his voice was sweet like honey and gentle like the rain outside, it helped soothed him immensely. He had been feeling god awful moments ago when Patton found him curled up into a ball and crying in the kitchen. He was having one of his “days” where his mood was sour, he was tired physically and mentally, and everything was just at an all time low for him.

At first, he didn’t pay much mind to it, assuring a fretting Patton that this was normal and he just need a few hours alone. And god bless Patton because he made sure to give Virgil his space but made sure that Virgil knew that he wasn’t alone and Patton would be there when he needed him. It was a very odd thing that Patton did that he still hasn’t gotten use to, because usually when Virgil asked people for space, they just kind of tried to keep out of his way. But Patton had this weird thing where he would keep his distance but was somehow always there in the background. Now usually this would annoy Virgil, hating when people would hover over him like he’s some ticking time bomb, but Patton made it seem so casual. Which, again, was unusual for such loud and excitable person such as Patton but he made it work somehow. He didn’t leave the room when Virgil would enter, he left little snacks near by when he knew Virgil was hungry, lit Virgil’s favorite scented candles around the house, and made sure that his favorite movies were already out ready for him to watch.

He did this all for Virgil without talking or touching him, just a warm smile and a loving gaze to assure him that he was there. Virgil was thankful but also felt back for making Patton do all this extra work just so he can feel comfortable. Patton was such a caring and empathetic person by nature and sometimes Virgil felt like was taking advantage of that kindness with his stupid problems. He was fearful of the day Patton finally got tired of his bullshit and left him for someone who didn’t need to be coddled. Someone who was sure of themselves and what they did. Someone who didn’t need to be coaxed down from the edge of a panic attack every time something mildly bad happened. Someone better then him.

And it was with those thoughts that caused him to wander both in his mind and around the house until it was all too much and he finally broke down. And of course, Patton was there, as always, soothing him with kind words and only ever touching him when Virgil finally settled down and allowed him to. Patton held Virgil so tightly that the anxious side felt like Patton was trying to mend all his shattered little pieces back together. The thought of that overwhelmed him even more but he just couldn’t let go because he was sure the crushing loneliness would be worse then the burning light radiating off of Patton.

Finally, Patton was able to coax Virgil to sit on the couch, his cardigan wrapped around him as he left to gather soft blankets and pillows. He came back with almost every blanket they had along with two cups of coco, by this time a small thunder storm had started up and Patton willed a fire to start as he began to set up everything. Virgil was quick to snuggle into Patton’s side as soon as he sat down and handed him his coco. Patton only chuckled, a soft smile gracing his face as he wrapped a firm but gentle arm around his waist.

“What do you wanna talk about?” Patton asked, taking a quick sip of coco.

“Anything.” Virgil mumbled, his face buried into the crook of Patton’s neck. Breath warm and lips gently brushing up against his neck every time he spoke.

And so, he did, from dogs, to colors, to cartoons, and now cookies. Patton talked for hours, with not signs of stopping or struggling to find another topic of conversation. Though it was only Patton talking for the most part he made sure to make Virgil feel included even if the most he got out of him was a grunt or sigh. It was nice, the rain and the coco and the fire and the talking, it was all…very nice.

“Thank you.” Virgil said softly having interrupted Patton’s seemingly heated one sided debate of weather or not Oreos or chocolate chips were the superior cookie.

The emotional side tilted his head like a confused puppy, “For what?”

“For everything.” Virgil stated simply, wrapping himself tighter around his lover’s waist, coco long forgotten on the coffee table.

Patton softened, placing his own mug down as he too snuggled in close, lips pressed against the top of Virgil’s head. “You don’t need to thank me. I’m just happy that you’re a bit calmer now.”

“Yeah but,” Virgil looked down to the ground “I wish I wasn’t so…difficult to be with.”

“You aren’t difficult,” Patton said firmly, though it wasn’t aggressive in anyway it left no room for argument “you just have a lot of stuff going on in your head right now, just a bad day. Everyone has a bad day every now and then, some people have it worse then other but that doesn’t make it any less valid.”

Virgil sighed, “I know but, you do so much for me and I don’t really-”

“You do plenty,” Patton interrupted “you keep me grounded when I get too wrapped up in my emotions. You understand me even when I get words mixed up and make no sense because I feel things more then say them. You taught me boundaries and that affection can be shown through more then just physical contact. And, most importantly, when I have my own bad days you know how overwhelmed I’m feeling, especially since my emotions are amplified being Thomas is heart and all, and you’re able to help me get through it.”

Virgil bit his lip bashfully as Patton continued to praise him, “You do enough and for that I am thankful. Now all I can do to show you how thankful I am is to be enough for you because that’s only fair. Don’t you think?”

Virgil smiled, breathing in the warm chocolatey scent that is Patton, “Yeah, I guess.”

“Good,” Patton nodded, a bright smile etched back on his face, more radiant and warm then the fire place “now, back to the Oreo vs Chocolate chip debate!”

Virgil snorted, but listened intently as Patton continued his rambling, “Okay, so both cookies have their prose and cons, obviously more pros then cons but cons none the less. Chocolate chip cookie is a classic amongst the cookie world, next to sugar cookies and peanut butter. But Oreos are like next level stuff and they’re stuffed! Sometimes double stuffed! Everything is better with double stuffed Oreos! Not to mention they have holidays and themes for certain events. But then again chocolate chip cookies are good anytime of the years and they don’t need to change as much. Less hassle for the people making it…”

Virgil was starting to dose off but he knew Patton wouldn’t leave, he would continue talking until he had fully fallen asleep then take them upstairs to spend the night in bed. But for now they just sat there on the couch together, cold rain outside, warm fire inside, and blankets wrapped around each other.

#thomas sanders #thomas sanders personalities #sanders sides #secret sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #moxiety #fanfic #fluff and angst

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theravenouswriter514 · 4 years ago

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Day Twenty-Three of the 30 Day Writing Challenge

Prompt: “Write a letter to anyone.”

In my personal journal that I keep I actually write each entry in the format of a letter. I simply address it as “Dear Friend,” and I write as if I’m talking to a friend. It’s like having an imaginary pen-pal that I write to every once in a while. I’m going to write this prompt similarly to those journal entries.

Dear Friend,

I haven’t written in a few days. My stress level hasn’t gone down much since the last time you heard from me. I’m still worried about grandma. Recovering from back surgery isn’t an easy task. Her body is healing, so she’s been feeling weak and sick these last few weeks. She is walking though, and that’s a blessing.

Politics are politics. I won’t get into it this time, because I know I’ll just get aggrivated.The virus is still at large. The girls are still feeling its affects at school. They haven’t lifted many restrictions. A is still only going physically two days a week. She hates it. It’s making her senior year less than exciting. I hope the last half is a little more enjoyable for her. She deserves it. K is getting to go four days a week starting on Monday. She’s excited to see more of her friends. She’s at a crucial age where social interaction and peers are important for her growth. I worry about her a lot. I worry abaout both of them, but eleven and middle school is a rough time for everyone. A and I have gotten over that hump, but she is only just making the climb.

It’s still really cold here in Tennessee. We had a weekend of rain this past week and it brought a cold wave behind it. The sun is shining, but it sure doesn’t feel like it. I like it though. Tennessee seems calmer in the winter, as if it’s preserving energy, getting ready for summer. Sirius and I have kept our room all cozy and warm. He knows that I’m always cold, so he usually warms my toes with his fuzzy butt. He’s a home body, so he’s enjoyed this whole pandemic more than anyone. I don’t know what he’s gonna do when it gets to a point where I’m not home all the time. He isn’t gonna like it, that’s certain.

I’ve been writing a lot lately. I’m working on something new in a genre that I haven’t really touched before. It’s a play on the supernatural world, ghosts and stuff. It’s proved to be a challenge, but I’m loving it so far. I have a whole outline and a draft of a first chapter written. I hope readers like it as much as I do so far. I also finished another short story recently. That makes seven now that I’ve written and completed. I’m still not sure if I’ll share those or keep them for myself. Some of them are pretty corny, but you know I love that stuff.

I’m reading a book right now about a WWII Marine fighting in Okinawa. It’s called “The Right Kind of War.” It was written by a real WWII Marine vet, so it has a sense of realism that isn’t easily achieved if you weren’t really there. He doesn’t just write about the fighting and hells of war, but also about the goofy antics of the friends in his platoon. He writes it in a way that it doesn’t drain you with emotions of deaths and killing, but it still shows the seriousness of the war. It’s wonderfully written and I’m really glad that I found it. It was one of those that I picked up at a used book sale. I want to make it to the end, but it’s also one of those that I don’t want to let the characters go. It’s definitley going to be one that I read again.

I still have all the Christmas presents that I bought for my friends laying wrapped in my floor. It’s pretty depressing. I haven’t seen any of them in a while. I can’t really say that the pandemic is at fault either. Not entirely. We’ve all been doing our own things, living our own lives. That’s what happens when you become adults, interactions with friends become fewer and farther between. I’m still so thankful for them though. I try to talk to them at least once a week. It’s hard to catch some of them when they aren’t busy though. College and jobs are a lot to keep up with. I wish them all well, nonetheless. I hope we can get together soon.

Not much else has been going on here. I hope you’re doing well. You’ll hear from me again soon.

Yours, J

This one is a little more personal for me. I’m not sure who the “friend” is. They could be a future me, or maybe someone who finds my journal and reads it in the future, or maybe I’m just talking to God. I’m really not sure. I do know that I feel comfortable writing my journal entries as if they are addressed to a person rather than just a book. I get more of my thoughts out if I think I’m actually talking to a person who is listening. Maybe this makes me sound a little crazy, but I don’t much care. If my letters never reach anyone other than me, then at least I know that the friend in my head was hanging on to every word I wrote.

#writing #My writing #my thoughts #writer #amwriting #writing challenge #30 day writing challenge #letter #dear friend #talking to no one

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therainshow · 7 years ago

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I made a Taylor Swift Music Education Lesson that covers each album, in order, and my favorite songs from said album. I included bits of each album’s prologue and background information on each album, plus my personal opinions on each. I made this for some coworkers that want to learn more about Taylor, feel free to look it over and pass it on to anyone you’re trying to convert someone into a Swiftie :) There is a Spotify link for a playlist I made that has all these songs. You can find that at the bottom :)

Welcome to your Taylor Swift Music Education Lesson. Please read carefully.

For your education and enjoyment (hopefully), I have included a detailed track-list of all the songs on your Spotify playlist. These songs appear in order of album, beginning with Fearless and ending with reputation. I did not include Taylor’s debut album in this lesson. It’s a great album, but has a heavy country influence and was written when she was 14, so it is difficult to relate to and/or isolating to those who do not appreciate country music. Within each album, there is no specific order. As I introduce a new album, I provide you with a bit of background information to give you a more thorough understanding. This background information begins with a blurb taken directly from the prologue that Taylor wrote for said album. With each track title I have included my favorite lyric from that song. You may also see some asterisks with notes scattered throughout. I couldn’t resist. The songs I chose are either a) my favorite, b) a fan favorite, c) generally iconic in nature, or c) songs I think, or hope, you will like. My favorite song off each album is indicated with multiple exclamation points. Let’s begin.

FEARLESS: “To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.” Fearless is Taylor’s second album and was released in the fall of 2008 when Taylor was 18. It is actually the most highly-awarded country album of all time. Fearless won Album of the Year at the 2010 Grammy’s when Taylor was 20 years old. Taylor is the youngest person to ever win that award. There are 13 tracks on this album, and 8 were written solely by Taylor. This album cemented me as a stan, and the songs saved my life in high school. I have Fearless tattooed on my back, and I truly believe that I wouldn’t be who I am today without this album. I’d probably be dead in a gutter somewhere. Joking, but seriously, high school was rough. Thank God for Tswift.

1. Forever & Always!!!!!!!!!!!: “It rains in your bedroom when everything’s wrong. It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone.”

2. Fifteen: “Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine. And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind, and we both cried. ‘Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them.” *Abigail was Taylor’s best friend in high school, and they’re still friends today.*

3. Love Story: “This love is difficult, but it’s real. Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess.” *This is Taylor’s first #1 song. It went #1 on both country and pop radio. She attributes her career to this song. She wrote the song in 20 minutes solo on her bedroom floor after an argument with her parents over a boy.*

4. The Best Day: “I’m thirteen now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean. I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys. And we drive and drive until we find a town far enough away, and we talk and window shop ‘til I’ve forgotten all their names. I don’t know who I’m gonna talk to now at school, but I know I’m laughing on the car ride home with you. Don’t know how long it’s gonna take to feel okay, but I know I had the best day with you today. *Taylor wrote this song for her mom.*

5. Breathe: “People are people, and sometimes it doesn’t work out. Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall-out.”

6. Fearless: “We’re drivin’ down the road, I wonder if you know I’m tryin’ so hard not to get caught up now. But you’re just so cool running your hands through your hair, absent mindedly making me want you.”

7. Tell Me Why: “Why do you have to make me feel small so you can feel whole inside? Why do you have to put down my dreams so you’re the only thing on my mind?”

SPEAK NOW: “What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest. So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying 'I could've, but it's too late now.' There is a time for silence. There is a time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it. I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now.” Speak Now is Taylor’s third album and was released in the fall of 2010 when Taylor was 20. There are 14 tracks, all written solely by Taylor. There are no co-writers on this record. After Taylor won AOTY for Fearless, many of her critics said that it was impossible that she carried her weight in those writing sessions. Basically, the songs on Fearless were so good that a lot of people didn’t believe that she actually wrote them. To prove them wrong, she decided to write the album entirely by herself. This album is the fan favorite, and is my second favorite. I feel like this album was way ahead of its time. Speak Now is the kind of album I’d expect a musician to write towards the end of his/her career once they stop caring about crafting the perfect song, and start making great music for the hell of it. Most of the songs on Speak Now are over 5 minutes in length with many clocking in over 6 minutes. Definitely not suited for radio. Taylor is known for painting stories in her lyrics, and I’d say Speak Now does that the best. I met Taylor during the Speak Now Era, the most lauded of eras amongst fans. To have seen the Speak Now concert is a huge deal in the Swiftie fandom. The concert was absolutely magical. If you don’t believe me, you’re welcome to come over and watch the live DVD. Most of the general public knows next to nothing about Speak Now because none of the songs really charted on radio. However, Speak Now is the first of her albums to sell a million or more copies in the first week (a pattern not broken thus far. #blessed). Speak Now Era was sort of the golden age because she had proved herself to be incredibly talented and cemented her place in the music industry, and yet her PR stunts were at a minimum. Nobody hated her yet, and she kind of went back under the radar despite being at her prime. It was downhill from there, but we were all oblivious to that fact. We were just so blissed out, we couldn’t see the impending doom on the horizon. I could honestly write an entire thesis on Speak Now. Anyway, it was a strange time, indeed.

8. Mean: “You have pointed out my flaws again, as if I don’t already see them.” *Like I said above, the songs on Speak Now were not widely popular and didn’t chart on radio, with the exception of this one. ‘Mean’ won Country Song of the Year at the Grammy’s in 2012. Taylor wrote this song as a way to cope with relentless and over the top, mean-spirited criticism from a specific music critic named Bob Lefetsz. Suck it, Bob.

9. Mine: “But we’ve got bills to pay, we’ve got nothin’ figured out. When it was hard to take, this is what I thought about.”

10. Last Kiss: “How you’d kiss me when I was in the middle of sayin’ something, there’s not a day I don’t miss those rude interruptions.”

11. Haunted: “Come on, don’t leave me like this. I thought I had you figured out.”

12. Never Grow Up: “You’re in the car on the way to the movies, and you’re mortified your mom’s droppin’ you off. At fourteen there’s just so much you can’t do, and you can’t wait to move out someday and call your own shots. But don’t make her drop you off around the block, remember that she’s getting older too.” *Taylor wrote this the night she moved out of her parent’s house and into her first apartment in Nashville.*

13. Sparks Fly: “You’re the kind of reckless that should send me runnin’, but I kinda know that I won’t get far.” *Taylor first performed this song back in 2006 at a random live show when she first started out. Fans recorded it and it went viral. For years fans begged her to record it for an album. She did! Thank you, Taylor! We are #blessed.*

14. Enchanted!!!!!!!!!!!!: “The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy.”

15. Back to December: “It turns out freedom ain’t nothin’ but missin’ you.”

RED: “My experiences in love have taught me difficult lessons, especially my experiences with crazy love. The red relationships. The ones that went from zero to a hundred miles per hour and then hit a wall and exploded. And it was awful. And ridiculous. And desperate. And thrilling. And when the dust settled, it was something I’d never take back. Because there is something to be said for being young and needing someone so badly, you jump in head first without looking. And there’s something to be learned from waiting all day for a train that’s never coming. And there’s something to be proud of about moving on and realizing that real love shines golden like starlight, and doesn’t fade or spontaneously combust. Maybe I’ll write a whole album about that kind of love if I ever find it. But this album is about the other kinds of love that I’ve recently fallen in and out of. Love that was treacherous, sad, beautiful, and tragic. But most of all, this record is about love that was red.” Oh, Red. I have so many thoughts about you. For starters, Red is Taylor’s fourth album and was released in the fall of 2012. Red is comprised of 16 tracks. Like I said previously, the Speak Now Era was such an incredible time, and Swifties didn’t want to let it go. We didn’t want things to change. I think the Red Era is the only era that Swifties didn’t welcome with open arms. We just didn’t know how to feel, and were afraid of things changing. But Taylor was headed in a more pop direction, and we could all sense it. Of course, Taylor had always been pop, or country pop, but that’s neither here nor there… And so, Red was Taylor’s “pop” debut, because she wrote three songs with pop hitmakers Max Martin and Yohan Shellback. But, it was also her rock debut if you ask me. Red was like a patchwork quilt of music: differently styles, production types, collaborators, producers. Taylor was trying new things and flapping her wings. And it worked. At first, I was hesitant to leave Speak Now behind, but Red quickly became my favorite album and still is. Taylor’s best songs are on Red. That is unanimously agreed upon in the fandom and throughout. Red is Taylor’s crown jewel, her zenith. Unfortunately, Taylor suffered a lot of hate and backlash for her dating life during 2012 and 2013, and that really clouded the success of Red. Like Taylor has said before, she was promoting a massively successful album and touring the world, and all people wanted to talk about was her personal life and it broke her heart. Well, Taylor, it broke mine too. Next to Fearless, Red is the album that helped me most in life. Red chronicles a disastrous heartbreak from beginning to end. The anger, the frustration, the sadness, the regret, the hopelessness, the pining away. You name it, she wrote about it. If you’re ever heartbroken, put on this album. (Except I hope that never happens to you!!) It’s interesting to me that she wrote the songs for Red while she was touring Speak Now, because we thought she was really happy at that time. But, what do we know? We never really know. Well, Red was nominated for Album of the Year at the 2014 Grammy’s and lost to Daft Punk. Whoever announced the winner that night really dragged out the R when he said “Random Access Memories Daft Punk”. So naturally, Taylor thought she had the award and her face lit up. Only to see that she did not, in fact, win. So, she stood up and clapped, although still looking a little miffed/embarrassed. Well, what do you know, the next day the internet is tearing her apart and making fun of the face she made when she thought she had it and then realized she didn’t. She became a gif, a meme, everything. I have seen the waves of irrational, baseless and crude hatred and bullying of her on the internet over the years and that, to me, was the worst. UNFORGIVABLE! So, anyway, it didn’t win the award, but fans and music critics unanimously agree that it should have. Speak Now might be the fan favorite album, due to the attachment to the Speak Now Era, but we all agree that Red is her best work. Alrighty, let’s dive in! Finally, right?!

16. I Knew You Were Trouble: “Flew me to places I’d never been, ‘til you put me down.”

17. Everything Has Changed ft. Ed Sheeran: “All I feel in my stomach is butterflies, the beautiful kind, makin’ up for lost time, taking flight making me feel like I just wanna know you better.” *Taylor and Ed are best friends in real life. They claim they wrote this song whilst having In n Out burgers on her trampoline in the backyard. I believe them.*

18. Treacherous: “Nothing safe is worth the drive and I will follow you home.” *This song is cowritten and produced by Dan Wilson from Semisonic.*

19. Sad Beautiful Tragic: “Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting, silence… the train runs off its tracks.”

20. Red!!!!!!!!!: “Moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head, in burning red.”

21. Holy Ground: “We took off faster than a green light go, yeah you skip the conversation when you already know.”

22. All Too Well: “I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it.” *The original version of this song is over ten minutes long. This is, unanimously, Taylor’s best song of all time. Check any list by any critic and this song will be at the #1 spot. I think, for me, Red and All Too Well are tied for favorites.*

23. Begin Again: “You throw your head back laughin’ like a little kid. I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny, ‘cause he never did.”

24. The Last Time ft. Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol: “You wear your best apology, but I was there to watch you leave.”

1989: “I wrote about moving to the loudest and brightest city in the world, the city I had always been overwhelmed by… until now. I think you have to know who you are and what you want in order to take on New York and all its blaring truth. I wrote about the thrill I got when I finally learned that love, to some extent, is just a game of cat and mouse. I wrote about looking back on a lost love and understanding that nothing good comes without loss and hardship and constant struggle. There is no ‘riding off into the sunset’, like I used to imagine. We are never out of the woods, because we are always going to be fighting for something. I wrote about love that comes back to you just when you thought it was lost forever, and some feelings never go out of style. I wrote about an important lesson I learned recently… that people can say whatever they want about me, but they can’t make me lose my mind. I’ve learned how to shake things off. I’ve told you my stories for years now. Some have been about coming of age, some have been about coming undone. This is a story about coming into your own, and as a result… coming alive.” Oh man. I have a lot of feelings about this one, too. And not the good kind. Let’s start with facts. 1989 is Taylor’s fifth album and was released in the fall of 2014. There are 13 songs. And that’s it for the facts, because now I’m going to dive into my feelings and opinions about this one. Which are basically facts, but anyway... So, like I said previously, Taylor did not win AOTY for Red and that bothered her. She went home to her hotel room, gorged herself on In n Out burgers, and cried (Dramatic much?!? It’s okay though ‘cause it was a rough night. And I’m not making this up, she really told us that’s how the night went down. POOR TAY!). Next thing you know, she wakes up in the middle of the night with an epiphany that she is going to make a sonically cohesive pop album. She said the problem with Red was that it wasn’t “sonically cohesive”. Swifties hate the word sonically cohesive. It hurts me that I am even typing it. If you are in my presence do not say the word sonically cohesive, okay? Moving on. In a way, she was right. Red WASN’T sonically cohesive, but that’s kind of what we loved about it. Every song on Red sounds exactly like the feeling the lyrics portray. We didn’t think it was an issue. But Taylor wanted to hone in on a specific sound and perfect that and keep things neat and clean. And, of course, that sound was going to be pop. EXCEPT SHE’S ALWAYS BEEN POP BUT SURE. So, Taylor decides to try 80s synth pop (I guess?) and go with that. And so 1989 is born. Look, I love the narrative and inspiration behind 1989. I am really inspired by the prologue I shared up there. It was all about independence and friendships and not needing a man because she had stopped dating. But she also said she had to stop dating because the hate got so bad. So, the whole single life thing was kind of forced on her, but whatever, she embraced it. Except we all know she wasn’t *really* single (Hello Karlie Kloss!!). When the first single from 1989, Shake It Off, came out, I cried incessantly. I was inconsolable, and my friend’s dad had to make us grilled cheeses to cope. Shake It Off never grew on me, and to this day it’s my least favorite Taylor song EVER (it’s borderline unbearable), but the rest of the album did grow on me. To a degree. The problem with 1989 is that a handful of the songs are incredible, and the rest feel incomplete/watered down/like filler. I feel like she really worked to perfect a few of the songs and geared them in a way to be popular on radio, and the rest were afterthoughts. 1989 is the only Taylor album where the best songs were chosen as singles (except for Shake It Off). With Taylor’s albums, usually the best songs feel like hidden gems because they’re never chosen for radio, and so the public doesn’t know about them. I’m happy that everyone got to enjoy her songs from 1989, but it also felt like there was nothing left over for the fans that felt special. The best songs on 1989 ended up overplayed and overdone. 1989 is the first tour I did not attend. I can be honest with you and say I regret that. 1989 isn’t a bad album, it’s a good album, but as far as Taylor’s work goes, it’s just not the best. But it did win Album of the Year in 2016, making her the first woman to win that award TWICE. To go a little deeper, it wasn’t even so much the 1989 album that I disliked, I think it was more the Era/Taylor in general during 1989 that didn’t jive with me. She got obsessed with appearance, and status, and there were some strange business dealings that left fans feeling used and abused. Before 1989, Taylor felt like the “girl next door” (I do realize she’s a celebrity and not the girl next door at all, but her perfected relatability factor became part of her marketing image), but during 1989 Taylor threw that all away to be #squadgoals with the Victoria’s secret models. Whatever, it was a strange time. Glad that is over. ALSO, listen to Ryan Adams cover of this album. It’s better than the OG at times. Aight aight, let’s dig into these sick beats (ugh).

25. Welcome to New York: “When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors, took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer. Everybody here was someone else before, and you can want who you want, boys and boys and girls and girls.” *Taylor moved to NYC the summer gay marriage was legalized in New York. Thanks for the shoutout Tay.*

26. I Know Places: “Just grab my hand and don’t ever drop it, my love. They are the hunters, we are the foxes, and we run.”

27. Clean!!!!!!: “It was months and months of back and forth, you’re still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can’t wear anymore.” *Despite 1989 being my least favorite album, this song is one of my all-time favorites. It’s brilliant how she compares a relationship to an addiction. And Imogen Heap comes through for some dope ass background vocals.*

28. Out of the Woods: “The monsters turned out to be just trees, when the sun came up you were looking at me.” *Ryan Adams cover is amazing, and so is an acoustic piano version Taylor did for the Grammy museum. Check youtube.*

29. You Are In Love: “You keep his shirt, he keeps his word.”

30. Style: “I say ‘I’ve heard that you’ve been out and about with some other girl. He said ‘What you heard is true, but I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you.” I said ‘I’ve been there too, a few times.’”

31. Wildest Dreams: “You see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night, burning it down. Someday when you leave me I hope these memories follow you around.”

32. This Love: “Tossing, turning, struggled through the night with someone knew… Lantern burning, flickered in my mind for only you, but you were still gone and gone, gone and gone.”

Reputation: “We think we know someone, but the truth is that we only know the version of them they have chosen to show us. We know our friend in a certain light, but we don't know them the way their lover does. Just the way their lover will never know them the same way that you do as their friend. Their mother knows them differently than their roommate, who knows them differently than their colleague. Their secret admirer looks at them and sees an elaborate sunset of brilliant color and dimension and spirit and pricelessness. And yet, a stranger will pass that person and see a faceless member of the crowd, nothing more. We may hear rumors about a person and believe those things to be true. We may one day meet that person and feel foolish for believing baseless gossip. This is the first generation that will be able to look back on their entire life story documented in pictures on the internet, and together we will all discover the after-effects of that. Ultimately, we post photos online to curate what strangers think of us. But then we wake up, look in the mirror at our faces and see the cracks and scars and blemishes, and cringe. We hope someday we'll meet someone who will see that same morning face and instead see their future, their partner, their forever. Someone who will still choose us even when they see all of the sides of the story, all the angles of the kaleidoscope that is you.” Last album?!? I can’t believe we’re here already! Reputation, Taylor’s 6th album, was released in the fall of 2017 and consists of 15 tracks. At the start, reputation was a wild ride. During the 1989 Era, Taylor managed to crawl out of the pit of hate and despair that the Red Era brought, and she soared to popularity. I’ve noticed this happens with Taylor, the love/hate comes in waves. One day everyone loves her again, and then the next they hate her. During 1989 Taylor was flying high. Highest grossing tour, AOTY, “dating” (I have to put that in quotes, but that’s a whole other can of worms) Calvin Harris… but, nothing good can last forever, and so literally everything fell apart. Messy break up with Calvin, even messier drama with Kimye (can’t even get into that). Things weren’t going so well. Taylor had reached overexposure and she went into hiding for almost a year. No performances, no candid shots, no interviews, no mags, nothing. She usually releases a new album like clockwork every two years, but she skipped her typical release season and tacked on another year to the wait. Well, while she was hiding, Taylor was doing what she does best.. making music. At some point during the summer Taylor put all of her music back on streaming accounts, and so I knew then that something was brewing. She finally announced the name of the album and released the first single, “Look What You Made Me Do”. The day she dropped “Look What You Made Me Do” was one of the craziest days for just about everyone, let alone Swifties. It felt like the world was literally collapsing over this song. The internet was breaking. A few people loved it right away, some people thought she had cracked and was finally losing her damn mind, and I was just confused and depressed. The day it was released I spent a large portion of the day crying. I cried and clutched onto my 1989 CD (but I never even liked 1989 that much… which shows how much I was worried….) But, before I knew it, I was bopping along to the song and loved it like the rest. And once the music video came out, I realized that everything was going to be okay. If you haven’t seen the music video, you need to. It’s iconic. It broke Youtube’s record for most views in 24 hrs. A few more songs came out before album release and I wasn’t *that* crazy about most of them. Turns out that reputation is like all of Taylor’s albums before 1989, the best songs were not released as singles. Back 2 Basics, guys. The fans get everything, and everyone else gets the scraps. When the album finally did come out I was overjoyed. Now let’s see why!

33. Delicate: “Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you’re in my head? ‘Cause I know that it’s delicate.”

34. Getaway Car: “I wanted to leave him, I need a reason.” *Jack Antonoff produced this song and many others on reputation. We are #blessed. I recently read somebody say that Jack has a stranglehold on pop music. I WISH!!*

35. Dancing With Our Hands Tied: “I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us.” *Beginning at some point in 2014, Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift entered a torrid love affair. It’s possible they are still together today. That’s a discussion for a later date. Anyway, this song is definitely about her. Funny how some people think Taylor hates gay people (why?) when really she writes songs for them. Thanks Tay.

36. Dress: “I woke up just in time, now I wake up by your side.” *Also for Karlie.*

37. Call It What You Want!!!!: “I brought a knife to a gun fight, they took the crown but it’s alright.”

38. I Did Something Bad: “They’re burning all the witches, even if you aren’t one, so light me up.”

39. Don’t Blame Me: “For you I would fall from grace just to touch your face. If you walk away, I’d beg you on my knees to stay.”

40. King of My Heart: “I’m perfectly fine, I live on my own. I made up my mind, I’m betting off being alone. We met a few weeks ago, now you try on calling me baby like trying on clothes.”

41. New Year’s Day: “You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi. I can tell that it’s gonna be a long road. I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town babe, or if you strike out and you’re crawling home.”

Spotify link: https://open.spotify.com/user/22xaifvaciqklwgcnidnxuuhq/playlist/7ssFqGusg3Sf1sPe5cS7hR

#taylor swift #fearless #reputation #1989 #speak now #red #taylor

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sueboohscorner · 7 years ago

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OUTLANDER S3 Ep 11 : "Uncharted" .....New version of Survivor

FIrst....Diana Gabaldon wrote about a short bit about a man on a tropical island that talked to a Coconut named "Coco" LONG before Tom Hanks had Wilson to keep him company. Just an FYI.

So, Claire jumped ship and the water was supposed to carry her to the Grand Turks where she could get a ship to Jamaica. That is not what happened. Claire floats for god knows how long and then sees land and barely makes it to the beach.

The next 12 minutes is her drying her clothes, walking through the middle of the jungle, getting eaten alive by fire ants, having a boa constrictor slithering over her when she wakes up one morning, and basically trying to find water and survive. In my opinion, 10 minutes too long, especially since there WAS a HURRICANE in the books which we did not get to experience. I mean Claire hanging in a mangrove holding onto a tree for dear life in dangerously high winds is much more exciting to me.

Nevertheless, she passes out as she just starts to hear a voice and a dog barking. She wakes up sometime later, convinced she is dying and trying to figure out where she is and then realizes she is tied to the bed hand and foot with a nice glass of water nearby.

A woman comes in with a poor bedside manner in my opinion and gives Claire the water, but nearly drowns her in doing so. She tells Claire in Spanish that she is tied up for her own good. Claire passes back out.

She wakes up again, some time later, and there is a man sitting on the side of her bed and announces to "Mamacita" that their guest is awake at last. He unties Claire and hands her some water and introduces himself as Father Fogden and asks how she got there. Claire asks where "here" is and the Father is very pleased to hear she is English. The Father tells her she is on the island of Sam Domingue, three days from Jamaica. He is shocked to hear that she not only jumped off a ship into the ocean, but is also a doctor. "It is much more common in the colonies" she tells him lamely.

Claire learns there is a small village on the other side of the island, a days walk from there. She could get a boat to the next island over and then to Jamaica. She is eager to go but the Father says that it is not a good idea in her condition and this is where he gets even weirder....consults with "Coco" his coconut friend for advice. Oooooookaaaay then. The Father asks Mamacitia if they have any clothing for Claire, perhaps one of Ermengilda's, but Mamacita says no in a big way and calls Claire a whore really not worthy of the clothing. Mamacita takes Claire out back and gives her a towel with some soap and a robe. She can take a bath and she relishes in it.

Back inside, Claire is seated to dinner with Mamacita and the Father. He tells his story of being a missionary in Cuba and fell deeply in love with a woman there....Ermengilda. She returned his affections, which surprised him. However, she was already married to a powerful and dangerous man named Don Hernando and the Father, being a priest is never supposed to become involved with a woman, especially a married one. So the couple fled together and ended up on the island where they are now. However, shortly after arriving, Ermengilda became sick and died. She was Mamacita's only child and is convinced that this "whore" is here to take her daughter's place. Claire says she wishes to depart as soon as possible. Of course, Mamacita is more than happy with that plan. Father Fogden and Mamacita start to argue and Claire excuses herself and sits down the hall next to a room and sees a beautiful dress hanging. Just then, the Father comes and tells her that it was his Ermengilda's dress.

Claire listens to the Father talk about this woman he loved. He turns to Claire and says, “When you loved someone as much as I loved Ermenegilda, it never leaves you." . He looks at Claire and having heard her tale of woe about Jamie, he understands. “You have loved someone so much that you would risk everything for them,” he says. Ummmm.....yeah.....that is why I am trying to leave NOW.

The only one left to convince is Coco to which Claire makes a brave, albeit lame attempt at having a conversation with the coconut when she hears the Father approaching. However, we don't know if this would have worked, because Mamacita starts screaming for the Father.

When the Father and Claire arrive outside, Mamacita says that a "China man" killed and ate Arabella, their favorite goat. She hands the Father the skinned head which he gently puts on top of a barrel and grabs a jar and dumps some flesh eating beetles on top. “Voracious little fellows,” he says to Claire, “from a cave called Abandawe." Claire immediately gets a flashback of Margaret Campbell in Edinburgh warning her about that cave. I just call it the "other" stone circle. Yes, people.....there is more than one worldwide and there is usually stone involved, but not always a standing stone circle. The Father says that it is highly regarded as a place of great power by the locals and that there is a history of people "just appearing there". Hmmmmmm.

Claire asks for more information when she hears the work "China man" again. Could it be? She is told that there are sailors on the beach as some damage was done to their ship. Claire is pointed in the proper direction and she takes off running.

Meanwhile, we finally see Jamie, sitting on the beach. Apparently some strong winds (again....HURRICANE people...it IS hurricane season the same time every year) came along and they lost several crew members, like Captain Raines and Mr. Murphy (the cook). They are busy trying to fix their mast and sails. Marsali is even asked to help as she is good with a needle and thread.

Claire, running as fast as her feet can run through the jungle, convinced that it is Jamie (hey...it COULD be the same ship you jumped off of...but okay). There is a montage of men working to get things fixed and picked up and Claire running. Question becomes, will she make it on time? She cuts open her arm pretty good on the way through, but manages to keep going. When she finally arrives on the beach, she sees the Artemis out in the ocean. The ship hasn't left yet, thank goodness, but they are too far away to hear her screaming. They are not ready to sail just yet, they are still adding the finishing touches to their repairs.

Claire had pocketed a small mirror earlier at dinner time when she went to sit by herself. She thinks of it now and uses it as a beacon which catches Jamie's eye. When Jamie looks through the spyglass and sees his beloved Claire there, the next thing we see is Claire running toward the beach and small boat arriving at the beach, but Jamie is already out and running towards Claire.

A beautiful reunion moment, where Jamie tells her he thought he lost her again and he thanks God that they have found each other. Kissing of course comes with this.

A little later, Jamie and Claire are talking and Jamie confesses he has given his blessing to Fergus and Marsali to be married. He has seen that Fergus loves Marsali like he loves Claire. He thinks it a good idea to have a wedding as a way of lifting the mood of the men and a celebration (they found each other again!). Claire just happens to know of someone who could help out in that area. Oh, and Mr. Willoughby stitches up Claire and she approves of his work.

Back at the "ranch", Marsali is trying to get herself ready for her wedding. She is having difficulties with her corset and Claire comes to help her. She asks Claire if she knows of a way to prevent pregnancy. Claire asks why a young girl like Marsali would not be pleased to start a family right away. First, Marsali says she just wants to have her and Fergus time to enjoy each other (very future modern of her). She then confesses that when Jamie would pull her mother close, her mom would shrink back. But, she sees Jamie with Claire and it is different. Claire loves the touching, etc. Claire admits she does and as she finishes up the corset on Marsali, tells her once they are back on the boat, she will tell her how it is done.

Marsali is pleased that there is actually a way and that maybe Claire is not the devil after all. Gee....thanks girl.

The wedding happens....well....for the most part. LOL! Father Fogden is high, crazy and possibly drunk (but there was none of the famous drink in the show). He turns to the wrong man and asks him if he chooses to marry this woman and the poor man says no and points to Fergus. The Father asks if he is sure as this "one" only has one hand a “I suppose it’s fine unless he’s missing his cock. He isn’t, is he?” asks the priest. To which Marsali responds, saucily, “I could tell you if you’d up and get on with it.” Marsali is getting impatient and speaks her mind a few times. When it comes to Fergus's turn, the Father asks his WHOLE name. Fergus tells him that Fergus is his name.

Jamie speaks up that his name is Fergus Claudel FRASER. Fergus is more than pleased.

Back on the ship, we don't get to see Fergus and Marsali, but we get our Turtle Soup scene, although it isn't quite as good as the book version IMO. Claire is slurping up soup and telling Jamie how good it is. She is obvious drunk (from the soup) and Jamie also sees she is burning up of fever.

She tries to get him to help her inject her with the penicillin. Jamie gets close, but can't do the final deed of stabbing her with it. Claire does it herself. She comes on strong to Jamie and tells him to bolt the door as she is climbing over the table to him.

Jamie thinks it is wrong to take advantage of a woman who is drunk and feverish. Claire disagrees and says she is not drunk. What follows is a hot sex scene (they finally do it like "horses" like Jamie thought on the wedding night), but Mr. Willoughby knocks to see how "first wife" likes the soup and if she wants anymore. Jamie is trying his best to do his deed, and keep his wife quite but she isn't that easy to handle. Mr. Willoughby gets the message when he hears a couple of sounds and walks away.

That is a great way to end an episode. At least this week, they are together and not in danger. However, we still have Jamaica and for one, I am NOT happy they chose to do it in only two episodes. Jamaica is almost HALF of the freaking book and quite a bit happens while they are there. Well, I guess we will see.

What are your thoughts or opinions on this episode? I give it a FOUR as they once again spent too much time on something where they could put something they are leaving out IN.

#Outlander Season 3 #Outlander #Outlander Starz #Outlander (TV series)#Jamie Fraser #Claire Fraser #Fergus Fraser #Marsali #Wedding #Sam Heughan #Caitriona Balfe #Cesar Domboy #Lauren Lyle #Father Fogden #Mamacita

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lanadelreyfiles-blog · 7 years ago

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Lana Del Rey: “I've burned all the bridges for music” Teenager, Lana Del Rey was a daredevil. She remembers it on Lust for Life, a new album where her sovereign voice offers the widest gap, an intense collaboration with The Weeknd to a peaceful ballad with Sean Lennon. Interview by JD Beauvallet.

— You haven’t released anything since Honeymoon in 2015. How do you know or feel when you are ready for a new album? My problem is not to begin, it is to stop. Even when I think I am done with an album I continue to create, I always want to add one more song, and again one more. If I am not occupied with mixing in the end of the creation of an album, I continue to write. For example, two songs from the new album were composed during the finalizing of the predecessor. I can’t stop myself from working, I adore being in the studio, it makes me feel good. It has been like that for five years in the same place, in Los Angeles, where I work with the same small equipment at the studio of producer Rick Nowels. We spend our life there, as a gang. — So this means you have never known the fear of a blank sheet? It was a fear which overwhelmed me before I started to record real records. It was very present during the period before my success when I recorded simply for my own pleasure, when I wrote only for myself. I had the certainty that inspiration was gonna slip away and it was like that regularly, sometimes I was incapable of composing for six months. But for 10 years now, I find inspiration easily – or it finds me. I have learned to be stimulated by it. Especially refusing to be lonely, I meet friends, I observe what is happening without any stress. I use my phone non-stope in the dictation mode, I have recorded countless melodies and words… It’s a bit scary, I must have 700 rough drafts of songs on my phone. I know the experience when a melody pops up in my head, I run towards my phone to record it, even if it is in the middle of the night. A good melody does not knock twice on your door. If you don’t welcome it, it’s gonna show up at another door. For example, during the recordings of Honeymoon, I always heard a melody inside my head which tortured me and which I did not capture. It sounded like the music of the Renaissance… I hummed this melody for months before it ultimately became ‘Terrence Loves You’ (Sings for a long time). — Teenager, you have the reputation of being a dare-devil. How does this express itself nowadays? My challenges are not physical, I take different risks. When I was 18, I drove like I was crazy, I was on sprees for days and nights without sleeping. I was more free, more spontaneous, I didn’t care much for the consequences… I have a lot of responsibilities today, towards my relatives, my partners… I am obligated to, for example, be on time. In the past, I had enough work to do with myself, just to maintain a living, before I could find time to occupy mself with others. In 2017, the risks I take is the level of melodies, my musical choices. But I think I have passed the dare-devil part and I am more of a nerd now (laughs). — What do you mean by ‘musical risks’? The co-existence of different songs on the same album, like the very complex ‘Lust For Life’ with the desert-like ‘Yosemite’, it is not very reasonable. One tries to put me off, one tells me the contrast is too extrem, but I love the two songs too much to exclude one because of the other one. These are the songs which make me life, and more than that, as well: they have some experience. — Have you become more patient the older you got? I did. I allow myself much more free-time nowadays. I can go to the studio at any time, I don’t have the pressure of a deadline anymore. Of the blow, I have let myself go a little with the song ‘Lust For Life’… I have worked on it on multiple days a week for one and a half year. It has passed every stage, it has started with a futuristic and dark vein like Blade Runner. Also, I have decided to return to a radiant Shangri-La like style… After working for some months, Abel (The Weeknd) joined to add his part. This song became my baby, an unmanageable and maleficent baby which made me crazy. I quickly understood that this album would sound like a trip, a mix. — Working with The Weeknd, did you learn new methods to work in the studio? I already once learned that I love to play with the buttons, the reverb, I feel more and more comfortable on the other side of the window. I can pass hours with a sound, it captivated me. Also, I spend time with the console in the studio, it doesn’t seem like working; it’s fun, exciting. I even read technical reviews, I’m a true geek (laughs)… Technically, nowadays, I would be capable of producing for other artists. The real question is, however: Even if I can, should I? Often when I jam with my friends, I can hear how the studio version would sound like. Maybe that’s my future. There is a serious lack of female producers in the music industry! — Your last two albums, ‘Ultraviolence’ and ‘Honeymoon’, were made on the West Coast and were influenced by it. How about ‘Lust For Life’? Four songs on the album reference Los Angeles, but the mood and aesthetic are definitely not West Coast like. I drove myself to remove this blurry, dreamy atmosphere. Songs like ‘Tomorrow Never Came’ and ‘Yosemite’ pick up the sounds of 70s folk, and if I would have to create an album concept in a day, it would surround the legendary Laurel Canyon particularly. — One of the strong songs on the album is called ‘God Bless America’. How do you feel about the US nowadays? Around me, in the artistic milieu, we all share the same feeling of uncertainty, of fear, and the talk which arises. Women the subject of this song, are the most affected, the most referred to by the arrival of Trump. I have written this song prior to the big marches which seemed inevitable to happen. This rhetorical hate is not dignified for a head of state. The day after the elections was one of the hardest days in my life. I went to the studio nonetheless, to talk to the others. I want to be informed by reading everything, and see if I can get anything at all. Unfortunately, I can’t find anything that convinces me. — You have tweeted magical recipes to get rid of Trump… It was a joke. I read how witches of the entire world tried to federate at these dates and times to put a spell on Trump, I just relayed. But what is true is that my new videos contain references to magic and occult science. With the more cheerful, less dark side. I know people who converse with what is beyond. My music is in relation to ghosts. But without me. — Recently, you have re-entered the scene with the festival SXSW. Did you need something after two years in the studio? I’ve played for an hour, it did me good. I feel more comfortable in a small bar in Texas, like on that day, than in a big stadium. It was the best way to start again after leaving the studio. For the first time in ages, I have played the guitar, to Yayo. It was one of my first songs, composed on the guitar back when I wasn’t Lana Del Rey (she got published, without any success, with the name Lizzy Grant in 2008). It’s a piece loaded with my emotions, it threw me back to this period, sent me back how I fantasized, how I felt. I was 20 years old, it was an amazing time in my life, I’ve discovered new people, love, New York… At the same time, I’ve studied philosophy at university, but in my head, it was always: “I am gonna be a singer”. I religiously followed the counsel of the book ‘Think And Grow Rich’ by Napoleon Hill, I have burned all the bridges to engulf in music. Yet, doing the studies of philosophy, I didn’t let myself offer many career possibilities (chuckles)… But it allowed me to ask many questions, which I could not find answers to. However, I’ve met people who are on the same wave-length as me. The philosopher Josiah Royce talked about the clusters of spirit, with their fundamental importance for your fulfillment. Those were the music fans who welcomed me, in the cafes of New York. — Who taught you how to play the guitar? I’ve been obsessed with music, with singing, but I have been very limited in going any further because I couldn’t play any instrument. Before going to university, I’ve taken a gap year and I have gone – by foot - to my aunt and my uncle Tom at Cold Spring Harbor, a village on Long Island. Tom has showed me seven chords on the guitar. He had a marvelous voice, like James Taylor, but he worked on the Wall Street. Everybody told him he was wasting his talent. Thanks to him and his nylon-guitar course, I’ve finally had a plan for life. He gifted me with freedom… So, following this, I used to go to East-Village or Brooklyn one evening a week to play in the cafes, open-mics, at Sidewalk Café or Lay Lo Lounge… Without really knowing what I was doing, I played one of my songs in public. It was Yayo or a cover of ‘Buckets Of Rain’ by Bob Dylan (she sings loudly)… I’ve had only one reason to go on stage, to say “Listen to me.” — Have you been a disciplined student to your uncle? I have been very studious and disciplined. However, I didn’t make any real progress ever (laughs)… It was truly frustrating for me. It took me so much effort… But I didn’t have any visible talent. — But you already had your voice. I had one of my voices, the low-pitched one. The higher one, I am still working on. For example, on ‘Yosemite’, I sing with a very perched voice, which I haven’t used in years. I was really afraid of leaving this passage in, that my voice was too fragile, that it revealed too much of me… On Honeymoon, I’ve changed the key of four songs because I found them too high and it would’ve forced me to show my vulnerability. Henceforth, depending on how I use my voice, I can take that away or I show it, it offers an enormous liberty. The concert at SXSW, it really was a revelation for me, it allowed me to ask me certain questions. “What kind of genre do I sing? Which family do I belong to? Do I have the right to take some vocal risks onstage?” That was, on that stage in Texas, when I realized that my roots were the pure songwriting, the storytelling. On a smaller scale I have crossed paths with Joan Baez, with her taste for risks. Perhaps for the first time, I didn’t consider what could be expected of me. My songs have too often been a catharsis live… I couldn’t do more than singing “I, I, I”… It only took me ten years to reach it (laughs). — How do you live the commercial aspect of music? I absolutely trust in my team, who always protect me which makes me feel comfortable. But regarding my debut, from where I came, I’ve lived the marketing like a sacrilege. But nowadays, I am much more relaxed. For example, even if that smile is ironic, I have never openly smiled like in the video of ‘Love’… This smile, it’s a mix of sincere joy and relief… And, well, irony. — Your music is ideal for “cruising” by car. Do you have any memories of long travels with your family and with music which goes along? My dad used to listen constantly to the Beach Boys in the car, to the point where he always wore a Hawaii-shirt, even in December! When I was very little, my parents moved away from New York to live in the mountains of Adirondacks, six hours north of the city. Twice a year, we made a long trip down to Florida, three days by car. I hated the cold of the Adirondacks, I’ve loved this trip, it’s rooted in me. I loved the heat which grew stronger and stronger while we drove through the two Carolina states (North & South Carolina). I remember how my little sister and I snuggled in the back, I dreamed what we would do together once we arrived in Florida. I can still see the restaurants in service stations, the waitresses and the warmth. Once arrived, during these weeks, I never left the ocean. — You drive there still? Since I can’t blend in with the crowd, I don’t go to the women’s demonstrations against Trump. But I am the cab driver for my sister, who otherwise doesn’t have one. I drive a Jaguar Sedan, which is completely crazy. A car from the mother of the easy-family, not necessarily sexy (laughs). The next one is probably going to be a Tesla. I had the chance to meet one of the founders of the company, Elon Music. With my sister, he invited us to visit the seat of SpaceX, I’ve already touched one of these rockets…. But to take off into outerspace, I’ll wait until Elon is on board – the final proof that this technology is safe. I am excited for what we still have to discover. — Speaking of creatures coming from another planet, you recently collaborated with Alex Turner and Miles Kane of the Last Shadow Puppets… (She bursts into laugher and claps her hands) They are truly hilarious, two madmen. They do not live far away from me, in Los Angeles. I’ve begun to train two evenings a week in the studio of Miles, in the neighborhood of Los Feliz, to play with no goals with the Last Shadow Puppets. Then we go eat dinner together with their girlfriends in ‘La Poubelle’ What a squad! I can’t count the amount of times I’ve ended up on the ground because I was laughing so hard. They are capable of speaking to one another by singing, with improvised lyrics. For example, one evening, I’ve told Miles about the concert of Joan Baez which I attended. He has never heard about her. Alex made up a song on the spot “Miles doesn’t know who Joan Baez is” (she screams)… None is ever safe of their twisted humor. When I first met them, I did have the impression that I met musicians who only live for the music, whose only thoughts are about music. Singing with them is truly invigorating, there is no need to repeat anything, they always find a continuation. — With Miles Kane, can you speak with him about your passion for Liverpool FC? I think my manager Ben would rip my head off if I wouldn’t! Each match is about life or death for him. He took me to the Anfield Stadium, I was really amused on that day… — You told us a few years ago that you spend “a lot of time in (your) head”. Is that still the case? I have opened up to others. But most of the time, I still have that inner dialogue with myself. However, I feel less apart, less different than the others nowadays. I have the impression that I have finally connected to the world. It’s comforting. I have analyzed my life since I was a teenager, with enough detachment. — Do you still have your tattoo on your hand which reads “Trust no one”? (She shows it) I still do, but I am thinking about having it removed. Only because it is very identifying and I aspire to finally melt into the masses. It’s not about the message. Deep inside, I still agree with the message. Lust for Life out July 21st.

#Lana Del Rey #JD Beauvallet #Interview #Les Inrockuptibles #Magazine #Molly Matalon #Editorial #2017 #July 2017

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victakestaipei · 7 years ago

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Final Blog Post: Thank You

Today I’d like to thank God for a number of things:

1. I’m thankful to have the most resourceful, selfless, and resilient mother and woman I have ever known. I’m thankful to have someone whose love is so expansive and endless and who will willingly bend over backwards and jump through rings of fire to give me the absolute best life. Who continually puts me before her, encourages me when I feel doubtful or insecure, is my number one fan, and teaches me that love really can be unconditional. I hope to one day be half the mother to my children as my mom has been to me. You really are my idol, Momma.

2. I’m thankful to all the people I’ve encountered on this journey here. I’m thankful for all the kind and generous souls I’ve met, from my new friends in my classes, to the kind stranger who helped me by buying my hotel room when I was stranded in China, to even the elder Taiwanese people who stare at me on the bus… I know that sounds strange, but I’m also thankful to those people who make me feel uncomfortable. And who remind me that it’s okay to not be okay all the time, but at the same time, who push me to find peace and remain calm in my utter discomfort.

3. I want to thank my roommate, Bunny. For laughing with me, singing with me, running to catch the bus with me, doing homework with me, and spending basically every waking moment with me while on this journey here. I couldn’t have asked for a better roommate to grow with and also to joke around relentlessly with. Thank you for always unlocking the doors and swiping your ID card, for spotting me with coins when I don’t have enough change, as well as turning off the fan and AC when I forget to... and not to mention letting me use your laptop on the weekends so that I can blog from home. I hope you have the best time EVER in Spain this coming semester, and that we continue to keep in touch. I will definitely miss your constant company. I love you man, you a real ride or DIE!

4. I’m thankful to everyone back home who made me feel loved and important despite my absence. To those who told me they missed me and who continually called to check up on me and make sure I’m okay. Who updated me on their lives so I wouldn’t feel so completely out of touch and left behind. You are appreciated more than you know.

5. I’m thankful for the ability to feel things so deeply. I’m thankful to be so in-tune with my emotions…To be able to cry and be overwhelmed, and to worry and be stressed (even over the small stuff). It makes the happy and blissful moments all the more great. It’s a blessing to know yourself, and to be able to process and clearly identify the things that make you upset or emotional or sensitive. So many people our age struggle with this sort of thing.. I’m happy to know and to love who I am. I’ve cried a lot on this journey, from feeling lost, to missing home, to feeling forgotten, to being stressed with schoolwork. But I’ve also cried tears of joy/laughter and of sheer wonder and appreciation for this blessing and opportunity to travel, and I wouldn’t trade these past two months for the world.

6. I’m thankful to have experienced this culture on another level. To be able to witness all of these happy people, who love and look out for one another. I’m thankful for those who ask me if I’m lost or need help, and for those who give up their seat on the bus/MRT to anyone with a baby, or is a bit older, or has a suitcase, or who just looks like they could use a break. I’m thankful to those who leave their umbrellas outside shops when the rain ends, so that if someone else happens to get caught in the rain (me, multiple times), they could pick it up and continue on with their day. I’m thankful to those who are willing to share something they care so much about (culture/tradition/way of life) with foreigners, and who welcomed me with open arms. I’m also thankful to those who are willing to struggle to understand me and communicate with me, and who realize that there's always enough love (and boba) to go around.

I just feel happy to see it, and to be a part of it… even if only for a short time.

7. I’d also like to thank my readers...You guys. Who pushed me to write everything down and share my experiences, even though I lagged a few times (due to computer issues and utter laziness)... It takes a lot out of you to sit down and really think in order to re-live everything that happened during the week... It also takes a lot out of you to be funny, charismatic, and all the other things you need to be as a writer in order to keep your audience interested. But I think I managed to do a good job, especially since you all are reading this blog post. My final blog post. I really appreciate you all sharing in this journey with me. And thank you to those who messaged me and told me how you enjoy my blog, or commented on some of my stories!! Half the time it was the most unexpected people, which made me all the more flattered. Being so transparent and consistent with this blog was definitely harder than I expected, but I know this is something that I will always cherish and be able to come back and re-read. I would love to keep blogging in the future, but I guess I just need to find a new topic to blog about... we’ll see. If you have any ideas, let me know!

…

I am grateful for all that I am and all that I'm becoming, but most of all I’d like to thank God for fear. Without this component it’s almost as if this experience would not be half as resonating.

Fear will always be there, ready to wreck havoc and make your life miserable, but it's up to you whether you engage with it or drown it out. Now don't get me wrong, I've experienced a lot of fear, worry, and stress on this trip.. but you start to realize after a while that fear isn't even real. It lives in the future, meaning, whatever you fear hasn't even happened yet, which makes the idea of fear itself, all made up. And most of the time, you have no guarantee that what we fear is going to happen, will ever happen, or let alone if it will actually even be scary. I look back to the post I wrote on my flight to Shanghai ( “Pre-Arrival Doubts”) , and it’s crazy to think about how far I’ve come, both mentally and emotionally. But it's even crazier to think that half the things I feared on that list, didn't even occur!

One thing I've had to ask myself over and over again, comes from this book I read while on my trip ("You Are A Badass" by Jen Sincero)

"Is your fear greater than your faith in the unknown (and yourself)?"

"Or is your faith in the unknown (and yourself) greater than your fear?"

At first it was hard to wrap my head around, but I proved to myself over and over again that the second question always trumps the first. My faith in myself, God, and the unknown is greater than all things. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I am unstoppable, invincible, full of light and love, and a total badass.

Until next time,

xoxo

August 23, 2017.

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live4thestars · 7 years ago

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Entry #001

From the Sometimes Diary of a Part Time Filmmaker

It’s been a minute, for sure, since I started writing about my own life. I love to constantly surround myself in the worlds of my screen plays, but sometimes I feel like my life isn’t worth much retelling.

I used to be one of those people who kept a Journal every day. All through High school and some college I was a faithful daily chronicler. But then I ran into some depression and that kind of soured up my drive for the journal. After coming through it, I just haven’t gotten back into the swing of things.

So, while my computer renders one of my videography projects, I have discovered a lot of thoughts about movies that need to be expressed.

Thus, I have decided to keep a Film Journal here on Tumblr and give my thoughts on new movies that I see. Who knows how often this will happen, but sometimes this girl just needs to get it out of her system.

Today’s movie of choice:

Before we start, I just need to warn everyone that I am about to compare the ever loving crap out of this movie and the latest Disney live action version. Spoiler alert: was not impressed with Disney. Sorry if that shows, but I have my reasons.

La Belle et la Bete, released in 2014, was recently added to Netflix. All I have to say is God Bless Netflix, which gives me access to foreign films that I would otherwise have NO CLUE about. Director Christophe Gans also wrote this adaptation of the beloved fairy tale, and I have to admit he did a STELLAR JOB of it. Below, I’m going to give each category a score out of 10 to help illustrate the quality of this picture.

Cinematography: 9/10

The camera work is phenomenal. After having spent my college years as a lighting technician for a television studio, I’m a bit of a sucker for good dramatic lighting. And this movie delivered in SPADES! They played a lot with the Magic Mirror motif making it more of a window than a reflection.

Acting: 7/10

Love Lea Seydoux’s sassy and brave Belle, and I felt that the performers of Belle’s family members were delightful, if a bit “Adverb Descriptive word” (especially her brothers). But in a fairytale like this, it’s completely allowed.

Production Design: 10/10 would see again

STOP READING THIS RIGHT NOW AND JUST WATCH THE TRAILER FOR THIS MOVIE. It’s flippin’ gorgeous to look at.

Think Baz Lurhman style opulence and add a touch of Disney’s Into the Woods and you’ve got this aesthetic. The amount of detail put into each set piece is exquisite, and I don’t use that word unless it is warranted.

Costume Design: 10/10 would wear again

I’M DYING OVER HERE! When I get into my Disney beef later, I will be referring to the costumes a wee bit. But look at how stunningly crafted these dresses are? And the Beast’s ensemble is so royal you’re afraid it’ll rain rubies if he brushes up against the wall.

Visual FX: 7/10

Not the greatest CGI animals I’ve ever seen, but definitely not the worst. What shortcomings I noticed were absolutely forgivable when they would cut to the next shots involving their wonderfully decorated sets. The final “battle” at the end didn’t end up as cheesy as I thought it would be considering the amount of CG used.

Orchestral Score: 7/10

Beautifully serene, creepy, and mysterious at the same time. However, I did recognize a few phrases here and there. Not that I could place where I’d heard them before, but some of it was derivative of something. Let me know if you have figured it out. It’s starting to taunt me.

Why I loved this adaptation

I’m absolute trash for the story of Beauty and the Beast. It’s been my favorite animated movie since before I can remember. I’ve read so many retellings; some of them very well done and most of them steaming piles of crap trying to capitalize on Beauty and the Beast popularity.

Each time I have experienced a new medium for my beloved fairy tale, I’m excited to see what they will add. What kinds of shading and depth can you give to this tale?

This film blew my socks off in that regard. They retold the story with characters and plot points that I had never seen used before. I’ve read books in which Belle is an only child, the youngest daughter, but never have I seen her portrayed as part of a large family. It almost seemed that she had “ugly step sisters” (even though neither of the sisters were Ugly nor Step-) who created wonderful foils to her elder brothers. A dysfunctional family, yes, and seemingly real dynamics too.

They added the dichotomy of Vice and Virtue in order to set up the final problem. Instead of a “Gaston” type villain who wants to keep Belle, or the internal struggle of Belle choosing to leave her family after seeing them again; the struggle comes from the vices of Belle’s family coming back to bite them.

Ok, now comes the part where I kind of rant. You’ve been warned.

Here are the top reasons I liked La Belle et la Bete more than Disney’s live action version.

#3 The story was more thought out and the characters’ actions made sense.

One of the nitpicks I had with Disney’s rendition was the lack of logic in their characters. The Live Action Cinderella provided some context for each characters’ actions and motivations, even the Evil Stepmother who never gets any love. I had hoped with the new one, Disney would take this opportunity to improve upon or even just supply some basic motivation that followed some logic. I am thinking specifically of the character of Belle’s father and his seemingly arbitrary choices. All under the guise of being... forgetful? Spaced out? Belle’s father in La Belle et la Bete was forced into his wrong decisions, unable to find another way.

#2 They actually did something new instead of rehashing the old.

Like I mentioned before, the way they introduced Belle as the youngest of a large family was refreshing. That she would be happier in a country existence after the luxury of city living was delightful character element that spoke to her intelligence instead of just having her nose in a book all day. Don’t get me wrong, that is one of my favorite aspects about Belle since I am a fellow bookworm. Yet, it was a nice change from the trope since there are many viewers who maybe do not pride their intelligence on their book knowledge. It made her intelligent both emotionally and intellectually. Her little sassy comments in the face of certain danger made me laugh at the brass balls this girl had. While watching Disney’s, I was so VERY disappointed that the story stuck so closely to the animated version (literally lifting 75% of the lines straight from the animated film) that I almost felt bored. Don’t get me wrong, it was still a beauty to look at, thus entertaining, but I felt like Ariel saying, “I want more!!!”

#1 with a bullet BELLE’S DRESSES.

Ok, not even just the dresses but the costumes in La Belle et la Bete had so much detail, care, and passion pumped into them. The first dresses we see Belle’s sisters, Anne and Clotilde, wearing are high fop fashion. Through the whole movie I was amazed by the sleeves. THE SLEEVES, PEOPLE! Who is fascinated by sleeves when there are so many other things to soak in? This girl right here. My issue with Disney’s version was that the costumes were fabulous... to a point. I’m a stickler for costume design rules: if you have an aesthetic you need to stick to it, otherwise they just don’t make sense. Disney suffered from a little costume schizophrenia. For example, the beginning scene had me FLABBERGASTED to see all those women and men in period French Rococo style. Even the Prince’s face painting was on point with some of those crazy masquerade parties you know the French aristocracy put on. Then we see Belle’s first costume and it’s a wonderful country bumpkin ensemble with plenty of color to call back to the animated movie. So far so good, Gaston and Lefou are looking great with their military style waistcoat and jacket outfits. I had a little trouble at first with the Beast’s costume because is was CGI and it’s really hard to animate fabric moving against a body in a seamless way. I was able to forgive that after a while though, I suppose I got used to it and moved on. BUT THEN WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE COSTUME TO END ALL COSTUMES CAME ON SCREEN AND BEGAN TO ANNOY THE EVERY LOVING CRAP OUT OF ME! Belle’s “Pat of Butter” yellow Prom dress. There’s the Beast wearing a lovely blue waistcoat and brocade jacket complete with knee length knickers and buckled shoes. And Belle showed up in a prom dress from my high school dance. They threw “period” out the window and picked an atrocious color that was way too bright and washed out the Beast’s costume. It makes me VERY ANGRY when there is a period film and the costumes don’t stick to their aesthetic.

But in La Belle et la Bete, when they pick an aesthetic they stick to it like shine on silk. While not necessarily “period” correct, they used many elements of court dress and embellished accordingly to match the rest of the film’s components. It just MADE SENSE.

Alright, I say all that to say: Go watch this film, it is a delight for the eyes and imagination. You won’t regret the time spent in this beautiful fairy tale world.

That’s all for now!

#beauty and the beast la belle et la bete belle beast gaston costumes design drooling movies filmjournal

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kleinightwriter-blog · 5 years ago

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Diary Entry #1

After summer mania has commenced to ruin my soul’s perspective of my reality, it has ended my nightmares. It is now rainy season and tonight was the first rain of rainy season which gave a Hard Rain. It was pleasant, it was nice, it was calming, rather yet to be very slight of euphoria in it. My madness is gone to start anew madness which is called depression. I just do hope this rain never stops. Or at least… to wish for it not to stop, ever. Imagine the dark clouds of the greyish skies to be covered nothing but pleasant clouds of darkness, over the months I have been hysterical to be ended by just mere rain. A confusion between two personalities conflicting an identity crisis due to more personalities added into the mind of mine. It was not until then that I have found my old self again which is the true host of this body. The right never ends as I write until, it has ended so quickly. I never felt so depressed in my whole entire life ever. It has gotten me a bit blue with a long face masked beneath my face. Grand delusions of anxiety and schizophrenia was added into my mania. I thought it was never going to end until the rain has saved me, I do sure hope it rains more.

I was about to go ahead to the kitchen to drink my occasional medicines as usual, for my chemically unbalanced brain. Then thunder strike fear upon everyone causing panic and power interruptions. Surely of course it is expected not to scare me. It went back on after a second and the rain was even harder than it was, I thought it ended. I have drank my medicines and head over to my computer. I checked on the weather update and it says that the rain will end by 2 AM which I am glad because it is 8:30 PM right now. I can sleep with the sounds of droplets of rain precipitated by the clouds above beyond the skies dropping down onto the ground. All I ever wanted was rain these entire of two months and I have earned it because I deserve more than just insanity. Nights like these could be great, I do not ever want to sleep until daytime arrives with the sun slowly peeking out to the sky and showers its golden rays onto the ground with its beam illuminating creating shadows as monsters hide behind them.

I wanted to end this madness by experiencing the bliss of rain and I have earned it, that’s for sure!

After 15 minutes, the rain has stopped again to ambush once again in an unexpected surprise. My daily life is was absolute HELL until God made it heaven for me by summoning a thunderstorm in my area. I am just so obsessed with rain.

It is the dawn of the sun, where the sun has finally set into the sinking ocean to disappear but before that happened it occurred to be some kind of mysterious giant cloud coming out from nowhere to here. It is almost time to rain, as I listen to heavy thunderstorms through artificial sounds through virtual-digital music on YouTube. But it is not the same, the aura that I feel from the rain is what I need. The dark greyish clouds, the sound of droplets coming from above the skies and beyond precipitating its rain down onto the surface of the earth. It is nothing but pure bliss. I shall return until the rain comes here…

After two straight days with wide open eyes staring at the sky asking myself… “When is it going to rain?” when it is rainy season. I spent my entire hours without sleep and without drought causing me to hallucinate and hear things that are not there and hear rain when there were no rain at all. I waited and waited until lightning flashed, thunder struck, and it began to pour. I felt pleasure from the rain once again and wishing it never stops. The dark clouds bring gloom and doom, the calamity for those to be effected, bringing drought unto this land to bring terror to the weak, and to bring thunders to strike the hearts of the boldest men. Is it quite true that the rain can bring so many bad things to other people such as cancelling plans for safety but bringing gloom into their own souls because they could not have the fun they’ve always planned on wanting to do. Yet to be assured that the rain brings destruction such as thunder strikes onto the surface of the Earth, sudden depression, floods that could destroy many homes and murder the people in it, landslides caused by floods also that could destroy cars and also lives when driving to a thunderstorm, and much more. And these are all caused by HUMAN KIND… think about it, the ozone layer, the global warming, climate change, deforestation, etc. It causes Mother Nature to get absolutely furious to the point where it will bring revenge of her own destruction against the humans.

At this moment while writing after a while… the rain suddenly just stopped and saw the skies from the outside world are nothing but the sun and blue skies. This, this is my drought…

Moments later it began to bring brought to this cursed land that brings blessing unto the surface. It is a very hard rain and it smells really nice, wishing it could be like this forever but hey, we still have more time. And more rain to continue this book. This book is inspired by the rain and without the rain I discontinue writing in it. I just do wish I could convince my father to let me dance in the rain just like I usually do a year ago. I missed it. Very much…

What motivates me to write this book is because of the rain, it gives me creative and critical thinking with a slice of poetry in it. I do hope this lasts forever. In case you are wondering, why do I love the rain? Why am I so obsessed with it? I explained it to a cursed book I wrote when I was severely manic in summer before rainy season. The rain is a nostalgic feeling. You see, when you are bipolar or schizoaffective, you only remember clearly the memories nothing but either rainy or snowy days because in the scorching heat induces mania and mania makes you forget easily about the things you are doing because you are not yourself. If you think you are crazy and it is yourself, you are truly crazy because this isn’t you at all when crazy, your true self is when you are sober and started to regret your manic mischiefs.

The rain gave me so much memories from the past since birth until now. I remember outside our apartment as a child we were still a complete family until it was broken during summer and I do not want to talk about the details, and I do not need to also. I was the happiest child in the family and hyperactive and was enjoying the rain but when it is summer I clearly do not remember anything at all, as if it never happened.

I know what you are thinking, why am I writing at this kind of manner or way in my style of writing whenever it is rainy? It is because the first book I ever wrote was the Laugh of Hysteria: White Ash, it was not a tetralogy yet but it was only one book and it was raining that time and I wrote all my expressive emotions inside that piece of paper. Then wrote even more stories and won at article writing contests in the entire province as first place. And when it was summer, I was so manic I started writing really fast and it was messy and had to ask or find an editor to fix my work. It was indeed a frustrating week for me that time and I didn’t had any money to pay the illustrator but thanks to one friend on the internet does it for free. That is how the White Ash Tetralogy happened to be perfect.

I thought I was a better writer when manic so I induced it with lots of caffeine but it was a bad idea, I lost my style of writing and got a writer’s block for the entire summer until now I have gained it back thanks to rain. Because it was raining when writing the first White Ash and it gave me a placebo effect on it as if I am back in that point of space and time when I was writing it.

The rain has ceased and there are now blue skies again… well, farewell until the next chapter lads/lasses.

#rain #gloom #gloomy #depression

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ikonislife · 8 years ago

Text

Sweet Words.

-Bobby x Reader

-Wedding had always been an emotional feat for the bride and groom but strangely enough, it also brought out something in Bobby that he can no longer contain.

- Thank you so much for sending in your request. I’m sorry it took so long for me to get this out. School and work are crazy as always. I’m slowly working down my request list. Thank you for being patient. I know you were probably just expecting straight fluff but it was too short when I wrote it out. I changed it up a bit and I hope you don’t mind, just to give it a bit of extra tidbits. I felt like if i waited this long to finish it, it deserves a bit more than a 300 words drabble.

As the shuffles of feet and settling of bodies simmered down, the string quartet heavenly strums of Canon in D faded out signaling the start of the beautiful ceremony. It was honestly the most perfect day for the start of something new. Brick red roof of the rotunda gleams under the sun’s playful rays, standing proud and tall donning streams of fluttering blush chiffon draping. A great ombre of pastel pink and white peonies weaved themselves along the pillars, competing with the red rose bushes below meandering the edges of the great field of plush green grass. Guests of all ages adorned their best outfits edging at their seats waiting to witness the wondrous moment while the groom stood still, trying his best to mask the rising gush of butterflies in his stomach.

The bride had descended down the aisle barely a heartbeat ago, arm nervously enclosed around her father’s. Her face lit up as it seemed she could only focus on one spot despite the breathtaking sight of thousands flowers quivering slightly in the breeze of the dawn of summer, bursting with life atop the pedestals lining the aisle. She sighed a breath of relief as her father passing on the honor of holding her hand through life to the nerve wrecked groom. He barely had time to dry the joyous tear shed watching his beautiful bride floated across the petals paved walkway in her beautiful white dress like the most ethereal swan. A few encouraging whispers from the bride’s father had him near sobbing again as he bowed his head in utter joy that someone had trusted him enough to give him the blessing of a lifetime.

You couldn’t help but be mesmerized by the soft ebbs and flows of the intricate white French lace weaving itself along the sheer chiffon glistening under the sun. A touch of glittering stones and beadings elegantly brought the perfect amount of glamour for the finishing touches. The way the dress hangs so perfectly, accentuating the bride’s figure in the most perfect way leaves you gaping in awe. No wonder the groom had shed tears witnessing his to be wife. “You okay, baby?” The dashing gentleman in a crisp black suit and matching bowtie sitting just beside you whispered as the couple began to face the officiate.

“Yea, just admiring the scene.” You muttered, eyes glued to the beginning of infinity for your lucky friends.

Jiwon sat back in his chair, facing forward once more as his worries simmered down. You almost feared facing him as you felt the sinking of your heart, something heavy, so heavy you weren’t sure if you could get out of this chair once the ceremony was over. For now, you chose to focus on the happy couple.

The officiate had finished telling their love story, from the moment the bride “accidentally” ran over her groom’s foot with her bicycle, to their fights, to the moment they solidified their love with the ring but more importantly the undying love they have for each other. You smiled yet already, you could felt the creaks of your heart, twisting and fighting itself with your own love story that perhaps won’t be as undying. You bit your lips in an attempt to control your emotion as you let your gaze fell onto your laps, feeling a few tears breaching your eyes as the officiate announce that the vows will now be exchange. Your hands clutching each other tightly, knuckles white from the sheer force you were exerting to restraint yourself from running out of there. Those sweet, sweet words... You haven’t been so lucky to be on the receiving ends of those in a good while now and it hurt.

As everyone silenced to prepare for the beginning of the graceful bride’s vow, you continued your own battle, planting your feet firmer into the grass as if your sinking heels would stop you from running.

“Not in a million years would I have thought this moment would come...” The sweet voice rang out from the large speaker. “I was never one of those that believe in love at first sight or any of that romantic crap. I’m a realistic girl, you know.” The bride glanced at the audience for support, earning a few nods from friends and family. “Then, I met this guy right here my junior year of high school. Mind you, I just got out of a horrible relationship. Men were the enemy. Yet, somehow... Somehow, this guy right here was like a magnet to my cold metal heart.” Her voice wavered as the seconds tick on and so would yours if you had to speak up then. “In fact, his magnetic pull was so strong, my bicycle got sucked his way and well as my good friend slash officiate here said, I may or may not have ran over his foot on ‘accident’.” The laughters and cheers erupted from the audience were thunderous. A few shouts of “That’s my girl”, and “I knew it” bursted out having the groom in grin. A few tear had dampen the soft fabric of your dress and there was nothing you could do to stop it. It was so strange to think that you had met the wonderful man sitting next to you over six years ago.

You barely survived high school and was thrusted into the strange world of being a semi adult in university. Your 2nd year came and gone as you sat on the floor of the waiting area by your gate, awaiting the boarding of your flight. Back against the cool glass of the giant window wall outlooking the bustling runway, your eyes fluttered close as the exciting beat of Anthem lulled your weary mind to rest. You were there, right there on the brink of sleep when a sharp pain had you cussing. A profuse string of apologies greeted your sharpening sight still drowsy from tiredness. You hadn’t realized at first, the handsome man in front of you. No, you were much too focus on the fact that he had ran your foot over with his own gigantic one while messing around with his friends.

“Son of a-...You...” was all you managed to get out before a loud gasp as the sudden realization of your eyes and brain connecting the face in front of you with the raspy voice spewing out from your headphone hit you like a freight train.

“I... am very sorry? Wh-Why are you gaping at me like that?” He quipped rather bemused at your sudden rage dying out, kneeling with one hand on your foot, the other twisting your ankle back and forth.

“Why is iKon’s Bobby touching my feet?” You blurted out rather nonchalantly despite your blushing cheeks and shocked eyes. He giggled at your strange comment and it was the best thing you’ve heard in weeks.

“Why not? I literally stepped on your ankle. I should be held responsible, don’t you think? Can you stand?” His voice was laced with more worries than your dumb ex could even think of. On top of it all, that look of his face, he was so genuine about it.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’ve done worse to myself... Clumsy, ya know.” You hopped up to show him just how fine you were. He chuckled a bit before waving bye, heading to the rest of the boys sitting just a few rows away from where you were.

That night you ended up spending your sleep on the cold ground as the announcement of bad weather affecting the flight rattled through the waiting area. The groans of passenger along with apologies from the crew had you sinking with disappointment. Your summer vacation was now cut short. Then, as if God had taken a pity over your pathetic self, that addictive voice rang out once again.

“Looks like we’re stuck here for awhile...” He plopped down right next to you as if you had been BFF since 4th grade. “... You gotta stop staring at me like that.”

“Sorry...” Flustered, you tear your eyes away from his mesmerizing handsome features, fidgeting with the playlist on your phone as if it was something important.

“Oh! you’re listening to music, you were doing that earlier too. Lemme see what you’re into.” Just like that, his hand wrapped around yours pulling your phone closer to his line of sight. He chuckles impressively at a few as his slender index swipe away at the list. Muttering to himself, he only stared back up to comments on his likes and dislikes. “I’m so honored. You have Hanbin and I in the same list as Tupac, N.W.A, and all the legends.” Suddenly his eyes dipped into the cheerful crescent as he laugh heartily. “You’re doing it again.”

“What?” You shook your head in confusion.

“The staring. You gotta stop staring. I’m just a guy, not a unicorn or something.”

“What am I suppose to do. You like drop out of nowhere, step on my foot, took my phone, and make it seems like we’re best friend.” You listed and he chuckled, amused with your flustered self. “Plus, i’veneverseenacelebrityupclosebefore...letalonehimholdingmyhand...” You muttered at the speed of light as your voice slowly dimmed out to nothingness. Surely if you weren’t blushing before, you were now. All he managed to conjure up with a big laugh, clearly not relenting you any space to dig a whole and crawl down in embarrassment.

“You speak fast enough to be feature in my next song, it’s kinda impressive...”

“Yah... stop teasing me.” Your hand retreated from his as you use the free one to caress the spot he had been holding onto, chuckling in disbelief inwardly at the strange luck you’ve stumbled upon.

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just you look cute when you get all blush-y. Hi! I’m Jiwon. Nice to meet you. Your name is?” His voice took on a cheery tone that could clear up the rain outside if he really wanted to.

“Y/n... Nice to meet you, Jiwon.”

“Y/n...” He repeated the word associated with you since even before you took your breather in this world, letting it roll around on your tongue with a soft smile. “Wanna join me and the boys? Beats sitting around on the ground by yourself.” He reached out his hand, eyes flickering toward the noisy crowd waving at you both.

“I’d love that. Thank you!”

“Not only did he not get mad but he, this freaking guy right here made sure I was alright. From that moment on I was smitten. So so so smitten in fact I promise the second we exchanged those ring, from there on out, I will admit defeat and let you hold the title of funniest person in the relationship. I promise not you make fun of you when your favorite basketball team loses... which is a lot, I won’t say what team it is. However, when the blue moon rise and they do win, I will share with you a celebratory drink.” You were in full tear now and so was she... “I promise we will grow old together, make mistakes together, and learn together.” Her voice cracked and you let out a small whimper thinking about the inevitable breakup that will forever inhibit your dream of growing old with Jiwon.

“My love for you never needed this grand event here to be official, it always had been but I thank you for indulging me in this day I dreamt of since I was a kid. I will love you now and always.”

She was speaking words that resonated with your own heart. You knew long before Jiwon had popped the girlfriend question that you loved him. How could you not fall in love with this lovely man. The crazy energetic rapper on stage that had girls melting for him yet with you, he was just a cutie that would move oceans for you. He gave you everything he had and everything you didn’t even ask for. You let out a sob that was lost upon the thunderous applauds of family and friends. Lost upon all but one. Unbeknown to you, Jiwon had been watching your reaction for awhile now. He knew things were less than okay between the both of you and this joyous start of his best friends could be the bitter end of his.

Neither of you had been the same as you once were sitting on the floor at the airport that night, gushing over your interests and disinterests. Perhaps the relationship had ran it course, perhaps your love had ran out... Or perhaps you were both too exhausted to fight the inevitable. He knew the crack in the ice had been widening for awhile now but like a fool, wishful thinking and packed schedule had him pushing you off to the back burner. He knew the constant touring, the endless concerts, the never ending passion for music was unfair for you but you never once said anything. In fact, you never say anything anymore. It scared him shitless that you’re slipping out of his grip and there was nothing he could do about it.

He felt so helpless sitting there watching you shed tears over him. You both had thought long and hard about coming to this wedding as a couple. After all, you hadn’t seen him in a week and he wasn’t sure what this encounter would do. Panic stricken the handsome face and he had to do something, anything to let him know you were still with him. So he reached out, for the first time in weeks, he reached out to you like he used to. It startled you out of your sadden day dream when the warmth from his hand began seeping into your cold dampen hands. Your head whipped up to find him already beaming at you with that smile that could comfort the devil himself. You smile, for the first time in weeks, you smiled like you used to. He found himself grinning like an idiot now, pulling your head to rest on his shoulder, hand rubbing gently on your arm. You were still crying but now, now you had your supporter to sooth your pain away. The rest of the ceremony was a blur. You couldn’t focus on anything but the way he’s holding you so close and neither could he, not when your hand so stealthily sneaked around his stomach and rested on his waist so intimately.

Soon enough the day was coming to a close, drawing the party out of everyone. Slightly tipsy, the guests happily flooded the grand ballroom decked to the nines with blush and gold themed. The golden chair lined the glittery pastel pink table cloth donning the best centerpieces that reflected the flowers of the ceremony. The night went on as everyone dined away, chatting with one another about things you sure none of them would remember the next day while nursing a hangover. You stayed close to Jiwon wherever he went, although the positive twist in the knife of fate hadn’t gone much further. You were both still quiet and distant despite the hands intertwining tightly. He had given you his portion of roasted veggies and you had given him your portion of fish as always. He gotten you your favorite wine while you made sure to save him a few donuts from the dessert bar. Just like that, the night went on without a hitch but you couldn’t discern if that was good or bad.

Mindlessly, you spent the rest of the night dancing away with your friends and he with his. Even with the group of sweaty, drunken, swaying bodies blocking each other away, your eyes were on his and his was on yours. Neither of you could really kept your eyes off of each other, wishing it was the other’s body against your own but nerve and fear like a glass wall keeping you apart. Your 3rd glass of wine had beginning to creep on you now as your head spin slightly. Parting way with your friends, you settled on your seat as you watch Jiwon skillfully moved along with the beats. As expected of your idol boyfriend, he managed to captivate the whole room with the simplest moves.

“Since tonight we gathered to celebrate the love and new beginning of the loveliest couple here this evening, I’d like to dedicate this next songs to all the other beautiful couples in the room. No matter if you’ve been together 1 day or 40 years, this next two song are for you so get on out here and share a moment of love.”

The MC put a temporary halt on the festivity as you watch the sweaty body shuffled off the dance floor. One by one, couples sauntered hands in hands toward the pristine white floor embossed with the bride and groom’s name. They slowly swayed as the DJ ever so delicately let the toon of John McLaughlin’s So Close permeated the atmosphere full of love and joy. You couldn’t help but cracked a smile at the bride’s grandparents, still so in love after nearly 60 years of welcoming dawn and bidding goodbye to dusk together. How lucky must one be to find that one person to love and to hold, to share every moments together and still they look at you with such adoration as if it’s the first day. Once again you shed tears without even knowing that your own love was watching, heart aching as he approached you with an outstretch arm.

“Can I have this next dance, miss?” He spoke so gently, so lovingly that your lips curved up and hand in his without needing your brain to tell them to. A slight sheen of sweet glistened on his forehead from the fun that had his heart beating fast for the past 10 minutes. Although now, now he was sure it wasn’t the hard dancing that had his heart racing at thousand miles a second. It was you. You were just sitting there, lovely as ever with those eyes that always seemed to only see him. No matter where you were, at iKon’s biggest concert, the busy street of a Friday date night, the airport. The place didn’t matter, the time didn’t matter. All it mattered was that the second he laid eyes on you, it seemed as though you were already, had been looking at him for quite some time.

He pulled you close to his chest, a hand resting on the small of your back, the other wiping the few tear streaking down your cheeks. He pressed a big kiss to your forehead before resting his own on yours. Although your hands on his hips, it rested rather loosely, not at all what he wanted. He knew your mind was chasing itself to exhaustion with the decisions of what will become of the two of you once the clock struck midnight and this wonderful occasion end. When his beautiful suit shaded like midnight sky and your amazing soft blue chiffon dusting with blush pink blossoms bursting with spring gown were shed, you both knew a decision had to be made.

“We should really talk about this, you know. Dragging out the inevitable just going to hurt us more...” You heard him speak but you couldn’t really registered the fact that you were laying in the same bed that absorbed so much love all these years talking about a breakup.

“Yea... Can we talk about it after the wedding? We already RSVP. It’d be rude to just not show up or whatever seeing how close we are to them.” You whispered in a broken tone, heart feeling the stab of each word.

“Uhm... I’ll see you then. We’re going over lyrics this week so I won’t be home much.”

“Okay.”

Words that Jiwon of the beginning of the relationship never thought he’d hear was ringing out in the mind of present time Jiwon. He didn’t know about you but he had already decided. He decided the second he saw you that morning with your hair messy and awkwardly crimped from the strange position you slept in. Your bare face glowed so magnificently as you dashed back and forth looking for the pair of heels he had gotten you not too long ago. You were looking mighty cute in your Pooh printed PJ shorts and his giant black t-shirt whipping up breakfast knowing he hadn’t eat a scrap of food since lunch the day before.

“Baby, you know I love you right?” He whispered so gingerly against the shell of your ear, hot breath tickling your skin with the most delightful sensation.

“I know... I love you too... So much.” You didn’t know why you felt the need to speak in such a depressing tone. Actually, you do know why. Whatever it is that was to come next couldn’t be good judging from the way he started this conversation. You could practically felt his heart pumping gallons of blood in seconds from the thumping of his chest.

“There are so many things I want to tell you. I-I’ve never felt so strongly about something as I do now. I wanted to say all this to you when we were at the ceremony but I decided it was best not to disturb the beautiful moment.” He chuckled slightly and you couldn’t help but let the confusion rising fast in your chest. “I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s the heartfelt vows this morning but when I listened to those words being exchange, all I wanted to do was to pull you into my chest and kiss you till morning comes. I know, crappy cheesy right? You could cringe if you want to, I know I sound so gross right now.”

He laughed lightly again but you were serious. His smile dropped the second he met your doe eyes, lip under your teeth as if deciding on the biggest decision in human history.

“Uhm, so... Now that I have you in my arms, I feel like I have the whole world under my control, everything is at peace.” He started out so nervously, voice cracking, breath erratic but with the flutters of his closing eyes, it was like a sudden sense of tranquil washed over him as his voice grew stable. “I was in such a storm, baby. I didn’t know where was up and what was down but then when I walked into the apartment this morning. You were just dancing in the living room with the dog and I felt the weight of the universe lifted off my shoulders. How could something so simple captivated me in ways that even the most glamorous expensive things in the world can’t. The world just goes silent the second I’m with you.” He leaned in closer, resting his cheeks on your temple as his hand woven itself into your neatly curled locks. His free arm locked itself around your shoulder pressing you tight to his chest. You let yourself relished in the way he felt so warm against your bare skin, how he smelled like that expensive cologne you helped him picked out while vacationing in London. Yet at the same time something so him fought its way to the top, playing with your nose that was now beginning to pick up the sickening sweet scent of alcohol.

“I love you so much and It scares me. What if one day you wake up and realize what a shitty boyfriend I am. What if one day someone better comes by and scoop you up in his arms. What if I lose you, what would I do? I was always a hopeless romance but as life get rough, love lost, I’ve long abandoned that hope of finding that permanent someone. Even after we’ve met, I was still doubting if happily ever after is really a thing. Then day by day you showed me that it’s possible if you just work for it.”

His hand moved away from caressing your back to gingerly lifting your chin up to face him. He held that mysterious grin, that expression that had never quite been abled to decipher despite the 4 years of loving him. You barely managed to catch your breath when his lips unexpectedly found themselves on yours, caring for them so tenderly with the way he moved and how he seemed to fit you so perfectly. Suddenly the world dimmed out to black and white and you two were the only one bursting with colors. The other couples ceased to exist as yours and his soul were the only one flickering with each other on that dance floor and the music played for only you two. He broke away after a short while with a loving smile gracing your elated self.

“You took my heart and so delicately brought it back to life with every kind words, every affectionate gesture. I couldn’t believe I didn’t see for so long that my happy end was just waiting here with you. We’re close, so close baby to making even if we got a long road to travel. I was so afraid to love again and you made it so painless to fall in love with you. I know what we have isn’t pretending or a trial. What we have is real and all I could think of is how far we’ve come. If you’re willing, I’d love for us to continue this crazy adventure of ours, to continue dreaming of a future that perhaps one day I’d have to honor of waiting for you at the end of the aisle. Would you like that, baby girl? Would you let me love you till the end of time?”

You were glad the music was now at its high point as it masked the ugly sound of you choking on your own tears. You tighten your slacken arms and Jiwon just grinned in satisfaction. Oh how he loved the way you held him. You always knew how to hold him. The soft embrace paired with gentle passing of your hand on his back after a bad event. The quiet encouraging words that came with the big hug that made him felt so small after a long stressful day where the whole world appeared to be against him. The way your arm sneaked up on his tone abs in the back hug of sleepy morning as you pressed kisses onto his back with a raspy “good morning, handsome.” You somehow managed to always curled up so neatly on top of his lap as you cling onto his body when he vented about his long hours of practice, finger gently massaging through his hair to help him relax.

Right now, he was basking the way you were squeezing him with all your might, arms like a boa constricting across his torso. The way you couldn’t decide on where to rest your hands as you move them from the small of his back to his broad shoulder then resorting to just gently gliding them up and down his back. It was like you were making sure he know just how desperate you were to hold him and that was exactly what he needed. It’s honestly still amazed him after all these year the way you just seemingly catered to his needs even without him saying much or at all. He had poured his heart out to you, leaving himself completely vulnerable to rejection and to bitter words but you replied the best way you could with your loving gaze and tight embrace.

“You don’t have to say anything right now, baby. Take your time... Think about it. I know I haven’t been good to you in awhi-”

“No, I need to.” You suddenly blurted out with all the determination in the world. “I-I would love for nothing more than to be your girl for the rest of my life. I was so fearful that you were leaving me... We’ve grew so far away and I just want to know I can hold you, kiss you any time and anywhere.”

He was smiling so brightly, so much brighter than the strobe light above dancing along to the beat of the 2nd couple song of the night. Those eyes of his crinkled into those loving crescents and lips grinning wide from cheek to cheek. He pulled you into an ebullient sway along with the vibrant beat of Nat King Cole L.O.V.E. You let out a hearty laugh as you dipped you low into a big kiss, big cheers and applauds erupted all and your and your cheeks burst into a shade rivaled with the fuchsia petals nearby. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him. You could feel the envy emanating from the single gals surrounding the dance floor, waiting for couples paradise to be over with so they could get down and perhaps find a temporary mates. Although you knew if they had the chance, any one of them would nab up Jiwon so fast you wouldn’t even know what happened and never let him go.

“The staring. You gotta stop staring. I’m just a guy, not a unicorn or something.”

His velvety voice shook you out of your reverie, realizing somehow you had managed to walk off the dance floor. The beat had returned to the bass filled one that had everyone’s adrenaline kicking.

“Wha- How? Wait...”

“You’re so cute, baby. After all this time, you still blush in front of me like you did that first night.”

“I can’t help it. I’m in love with the most breathtaking man in this country and he’s also super talented. Did I mention he’s also freaking handsome?” You gushed and now it was his turn to feel the creep of the spreading heat on his cheeks. He resorted to pulling you close to his chest, planting kisses, and simply taking his time to revel in the fact that you were and always wholeheartedly his.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Jiwon. Can we go home? A cuddle seems good right about now.” You let your lips connected in a flurry of pure happiness. He nodded and with his arm around your shoulders, he escorted his lady into the night with the confident he had when he first declared his love to you.

“Now that I think about it, you’ve never gave me an answer for the offer to be on my next song. I’m still impress with how fast you spoke that night.” As always, his cheeky self could never stay calm for long before continue his never ending tease fest earning him a hard slap to the chest.

“Yea... I’m gonna have to pass. My rapping days are over considering I needed to retired for a certain bunny rapper to shine. I don’t wanna overshadow him, ya know.”

“I still can’t believe I get to love you. I am never ever letting you go. EVER.”

“You act like you got a choice there, dude. Pfts, as far as I’m concern, you’re stuck.” You jabbed at his side, eliciting that distinct chuckle only your bunny rapper could produce.

“I have something else to confess... You can’t be mad though.”

“I won’t, promise. I spent too much time away from you already.” Concern once again washed over the serenity of your happiness. You halted your steps and he mirrored your action, one foot kicking back and forth in place as if deciding on which word would be best to speak up next.

“I told you I got a courage push from our friends’ vows... Uhm, I actually got the idea for our meeting from her. Are you mad? Please don’t be mad!” Your silent gotten the better of him. He jumped back in place, hands holding onto your arms as if you’d float off with the next gush of wind if he let go. You were honestly just befuddle as to what the hell he was talking about.

“Wha-What are you talking about, baby?” You cocked your eyebrow in perplexity over the strange confession.

“Ididn’trunoveryourfootbyaccident...itwastotallyonpurpose.” He screeched out in panic and you were just amused at how cute he was being. All you could do was heaved a heavy laugh, nearly bending over in ab pain over how sweet and endearing this whole situation was. Who would’ve thought your week of isolation would transpired into something so beautiful as the speech he whispered to you so intimately, into the lovable boy pouting in front of you under the pale moonlight. “baabe, don’t laugh at me. I’m sad.”

“A little faster and you might’ve finally surpass me in the rap game.” You grabbed his large hand in his, tugging him straight into your embrace as kisses rained down on the handsome face. “I know you did it on purpose, Bobby rapper of iKon, half the MOBB duo. I saw you starin’ at me that night. I was surprised you didn’t do something more dramatic.”

“Wait, you knew this whole time???!? NO! I thought I was being clever, why didn’t you say anything.” His mind was being blown as the cloud drifted across the inky sky.

“I thought you were cute, if you hadn’t, I might’ve accidentally spill coffee on you. I was just waiting for you to fess up to it.” You added with a wink, dragging him along to the car.

“I’m so glad I met you. We’re so cute together.”

He added with a content sigh as you both walked off into the distant hand in hand, heart beating as one, and souls elated ecstatic to once again be close.

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