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the-creative-lounge-blog · 4 years ago

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Third Shift Kakashi - A Lounge Round Robin Story

In this modern AU in-server event for November, Loungers tell the tale of Kakashi's night shift at a convenience store/gas station one sentence at a time.

What is a round robin story? A round robin story is a story that is written by multiple people. Participants take turns contributing a sentence. The last sentence is sent to the next person, who adds their sentence, and then the process repeats through an established amount of time (our event lasted one week).

Participants in Third Shift Kakashi were contacted via DM with the last sentence, and they replied with one new sentence.

Often, round robin stories don’t make sense and they’re meant to make us laugh. To ensure this, a ridiculous topic was chosen from among the MANY fantastic plot bunnies that are Kakashi Lounge-originals:

Third shift Kakashi: Our favorite tired ninja dork punches in at 10pm to begin his third shift at the 7-11 (or Speedway, Circle K, Kwik Trip, or your country's equivalent of a 24-hour gas station/convenience store). Strange things happen during his nightshift but participants decide what those things are. The Slurpee machine gains sentience. Ōtsutsuki aliens land in the parking lot. Cheeto-fingers Obito tries to steal jerky. Deidara tries to use a fake ID to buy beer. Granny Chiyo comes in and pays with pennies. Any and all of these are believable occurrences from 10pm-6am, and more. The weirder, the better.

The only rules were to keep it rated T, and no romantic pairings.

This dumpster fire masterpiece of a round robin story was written by: @maiikawriter, @fleuraison7, Kitera_Matar, /vastments, @mouseymightymarvellous, @thetoxicstrawberry, @myaekingheart, @mallml, @nibbler747, @syusukewrites, @asiriyep, @azuzel23, @tenzosnewleaf, and @hkandiu (all contributed sentences are in italics and each are double-spaced) with opening and closing paragraphs written by @ohayohimawari:

Kakashi sighed as he punched in twelve minutes late to his shift. He’d been late enough times to warrant a written warning from management, but that threat was nothing compared to what he experienced during his overnight shifts at Konoha’s 24/7 convenience store. He pulled his book out of his back pocket with more hope than expectation that he’d actually find time to read amidst the strange things that occurred between 10 pm and 6 am.

Yukiko and her lover were just getting around to second base and ready to confess their love in this chapter when he’d had to leave for work.

Kakashi pocketed the worn Icha Icha volume reluctantly, hoping for a quiet shift so that he could dive into it again later, and took his prepared bag to head out to his workplace.

Kakashi walked through the store, prepared bag in hand, Icha Icha in his pocket, and sighed as he saw the repeat customer hovering by the front counter.

“No, Naruto, we still haven’t received the limited edition Gutsy Shinobi ramen cups; I told you I’ll call you if we get them.”

Kakashi never heard Naruto’s reply, because his voice was suddenly drowned out by the deep growl of engines pulling into the station, and any hope he had for an uneventful shift was dashed just as quickly as Naruto’s chance of indulging in the delicious goodness of Gutsy Shinobi ramen with the arrival of the Akatsuki Biker Gang.

The group of delinquents strolled into the store as if they owned the place, all sporting matching black leather jackets with red cloud patches on the shoulders and back--an omen that things were about to go south very quickly.

Without seeming to lift his eyes from his book, Kakashi sighed to himself as he watched them clumsily stuff candy bars and Slim Jims under their jackets... were the Akatsuki having an initiation night?

Should he bother confronting them? The long expired Slim Jims they were about to partake in might be punishment enough.

Kakashi put on his best fake customer service smile and didn't say anything - whatever they were stealing, he wasn't paid enough to care.

He sighed. ‘Sir, if you lick the candy bars one more time it’s a week ban. Not so funny when you can’t get those stale nachos, huh?’

Just to prove his point, and maybe because he was feeling a bit exasperated by now, Kakashi carefully unwrapped a candy bar of his own and inhaled the whole thing in two seconds beneath his mask - leaving the visitor stunned, staring wide-eyed with new appreciation at the silver-haired man’s obvious authority on the subject of candy-bar licking.

"Ew," Naruto reminded Kakashi of his presence at the same time that Deidara tried to sneak a six-pack of Budweiser beneath his shirt, so he changed tack to deal with the Akatsuki Biker Gang because he wanted to keep his loyal customers.

Although, 'loyal customers' was a bit of a stretch at times; yes, they frequented the place often, but more often than not they also gave him quite the headache.

He was too tired for this shit at this hour of the day.

Kakashi did what he was best at - feigning boredom and being unaffected by what was happening in the hope that the problem solved itself.

Kakashi pulled out his beloved Icha Icha and proceeded to hide behind the vivid orange cover as he ignored the problem happening in front of him.

The Akatsuki biker gang couldn’t be so easily ignored, as Hidan proved when he snatched the orange book from Kakashi’s hand.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Kakashi said pleasantly, his best customer service smile sharp as blades under his mask, “but that’s not for sale.”

Hidan squinted and flipped the book sideways in a gesture that made Kakashi think he had never held a book before, let alone read one, and Kakashi’s eyes flicked to the closed-circuit camera in the corner as he contemplated forgoing his service training in order to retrieve it, but stopped when he noticed the suspicious red smudges that the man’s fingertips left behind on the cover of his cherished Icha Icha.

It was too bright to be anything ominous - in fact, it matched the same shade as the cherry-flavored Slurpee they offered - but Kakashi wasn’t about to let Hidan slide on stealing a mouthful of frozen delight, or marring his favorite book, so he growled, “You owe me two dollars for the drink and a new copy of Icha-Icha.”

"Two dollars!--look, I'd pay ya, but my partner's a real Stooge [sic] with the purse strings... how 'bout I make it up to you in the stock room instead, if you know what I mean?" the gray-haired religious fetishist suggested with a waggle of eyebrows.

Kakashi considered the offer as it would lessen his shift duties and afford more time to read, however, just then his, Naruto’s, and every head belonging to the Akatsuki biker gang turned to the main entrance when the cheerful ding sounded announcing the arrival of another repeat customer, Granny Chiyo, with her fists full of scratch-off lottery tickets.

Granny Chiyo, was a legend not just for being the bad-ass take no names grandmother of one of the more dangerous Akatsuki gang members, but also for being thrifty. She slammed the scratch off lottery tickets on the counter, and reached into her jacket and pulled out Kakashi's most dreaded item - the jar of pennies.

She placed the jar on the counter with a loud clunk before reaching inside and pulling out pennies one by one, counting them on the counter under her breath. "This will only take a moment" she assured him, "I want to be precise!"

Kakashi took in the mayhem around him with a glazed 100-meter stare. There'd been worse nights, right? No machetes yet, right? All he needed was to make it to break time and have a smoke. 10 minutes.. Kakashi inhaled deeply and cleared his throat 'Take ALL the time you need Ma'am.' He shouldn't get involved right? He needed to man the till, right?

Kakashi smiled at Chiyo who was determined to pay for her weird collection of knickknacks with a gajillion pennies, but couldn't help glancing at the security camera that showed an energetic teenager mid-dance battle with the local biker gang; the only thing more bizarre would be Gai showing up to join them and to be honest he wouldn't be surprised.

The universe was not about to pass over an opportunity like that; if Kakashi had learned anything in his long years, it was that the best way to handle the sudden burst of GREEN and NOISE that assaulted his senses (out of seemingly nowhere) was to remain calm and tip a casual “Yo” to his rival while keeping an eye on Chiyo, the teenager, the biker gang, and the dance battle all at once... Gai would probably join the dance battle in a few minutes anyway.

Because, hello my dear, he wasn't going to leave his dignity in pieces. Better dead than ridiculous ... Although maybe ...?

He ran a hand through his already unruly hair as he rolled his shoulders, getting ready for whatever lay ahead; a quick glance at the clock confirmed his shift still had a long ways to go.

There was no time to relax when the biker gang was already making a move on some products, thinking he wouldn’t notice.

Kakashi decided that losing his job over a bunch of tough dudes acting like broke teenagers wasn't worth it, so he strode over to them first; maybe Gai would help him if they got violent - not that Kakashi would need help with that though.

And that was when it all exploded as Gai joined the dance battle causing them to knock over a display onto the Akatsuki teenage biker gang who exploded in rage causing both the aged Chiyo and Naruto to get knocked to the ground.

Kakashi in panic rushed to Naruto almost running over the old Chiyo and got out his flute then started to bang in on poor knocked-out Naruto's head, the Akatsuki teenage biker gang all nodded as they understood that it was an extremely necessary step of Cardiopulmonary resuscitation.

Gai—either unconcerned, not noticing the damage, or convinced that anything can be solved with the power of dance—dropped to the ground in an impressive worm, once more pulling the attention of the Akatsuki members.

Instigated by the impromptu dance party, the eccentric masked Akatsuki member jumped up onto a tower of canned diet Coke and started beat boxing, and Kakashi could only watch in horror as Gai’s worm morphed into break dancing.

Kakashi sighed and rubbed his tired eyes from behind the counter as he watched Gai break dance down the snack aisle to the rhythm of the masked man's beatboxing, onlookers pumping their fists and cheering as another Akatsuki gang member started to rap about how "art is an explosion."

'What the hell,' was the thought that echoed through Kakashi's aching head with increasing volume; what the hell indeed?--and as he ripped off his red vest and leapt to the top of the counter, the crowd, one by one, turned toward him and fell silent: the cheering onlookers, the masked beat-boxer, the pony-tailed blond... until, at last, the only sound and movement was the frenzied tricking of Gai as the spandex-clad man danced on, unaware.

As he crouched on the counter he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go through with this - but desperate times called for desperate measures. He grabbed a Slim Jim and held it up as a mic. There was only one song that would shut them up.

Kakashi started the song softly, but got louder with each word, one hand leading the dance as he ever so slightly got closer to the crowd and then- 3am really was the witching hour, huh? - the crowd joined his dance and with each Ey macarena they were inching a little closer towards the exit in perfect synchrony.

Just then, Naruto regained consciousness and after blinking several times at the chaotic crowd, exclaimed, “What happened to the old lady that was here?”

Kakashi dropped the Slim Jim mic at these words, and glanced where Chiyo had once stood only to find a list of her purchases and her payment-the jar of pennies-waiting to be counted. He ran a hand down his face, noticed the mess below the dripping slurpee machine, spied Deidara passed out in a corner with empty beer cans around him, Kisame and Itachi not-so-secretly pocketing sunglasses, while Hidan sang and Gai danced on with abandon.

Irritably grabbing the mop for what would not be the last time that night, Kakashi unceremoniously stepped over Naruto.

Kakashi briefly considered whether or not this job was really worth the $7.25 per hour it paid him, before surreptitiously mopping himself within a meter of Itachi and Kisame, who he surprised with a heavy “Thwack!” of the mop handle across the backs of both their legs, causing them each to drop a pair of sunglasses and clap their hands across their backsides to smooth the stinging sensation.

He laughed devilishly, enjoying the momentary respite from the craziness of the shift and the antics of his so-called customers; was anyone actually buying anything tonight?

No matter, they didn’t need to, as long as they would get out.

But they just wouldn't get out, so Kakashi had to take more drastic measures - the fire alarm would get him into trouble with his employer, faking a power failure seemed like a safe option though, so he went over to the power box, turned off the main switch and listened with a deep satisfaction to the surprised screams and commotions in the shop.

“Lights are out,” Kakashi stated obviously, walking carefully back towards the register, “so if everybody could put any unpurchased items down and carefully head towards the still illuminated exit signs, that would be greatly appreciated.”

There was a moment of silence, followed by murmuring, and then the faint crumpling sound of what was either plastic encased items being set aside, or even more likely, being concealed in pockets.

While Kakashi knew that letting customers get away with stealing would come back to haunt him if and when his boss found out, at this rate he quite frankly couldn't even care--and besides, with all the lights off, he doubted the security cameras would pick up anything anyway.

As the subdued miscreants groped blindly to the door, illuminated only by the impassive green of the EXIT sign, Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief that his shift was finally winding down--that is, until the resounding BOOM that echoed from the front parking lot.

The screech of tires, the thundering bass, it was a sound he was only too familiar with - it could only be one man.

Finally, finally the whole bunch was gone, only to be replaced by the loudest most obnoxious person he could think of, but Killer B was a regular and as such Kakashi had to endure his bad rapping.

Kakashi threw his head back and softly yeeted with fingers pointed skywards "Pew, pew pew! Fxxx my life!"

As the giant strode inside, clapped his hands on the countertop at the register and whooped “Yo! Bakayaro! Konoyaro! Kakashi, better watch me, can’t copy me, yeeeahhh!” the shopkeep wondered where this cheerful monster had been earlier, when so many folks were acting the fool (no doubt Killer Bee would have assisted him in wiping the floor with two or five of the previous visitors); “Bee, my man, you have no idea the kind of night I’ve been having...”

Unfortunately for Kakashi, Bee had become distracted by a motion sensor dancing sunflower, and took its song as a challenge for a mini rap battle.

"Yo, this flower's got moves! Look at it swaying while I spit some rad tunes!" Bee enthused and all Kakashi could manage in reply was a tired "You should've seen the dance battle earlier."

Lifting up his sunglasses to peer more closely at Kakashi's face--how was he able to see with those on in the middle of the night? the silveret wondered--B yelled concernedly, "Yo man, feeling tired? Uninspired? Say no more! Let's hit the door!" and, heedless of Kakashi's terrified recoil, scooped the smaller man up under his arm and boogied them to his ride, parked across three spaces in the parking lot.

“What is the meaning of this?” The assistant shift supervisor, Danzo, showed up at the door, with Konoha’s 24/7 general manager, Hiruzen, right behind him.

“Um—” Kakashi began, and ended because there was no explaining it.

“You’re fi—”

“I quit!” Kakashi shouted, silencing Danzo.

Bee brandished a peace sign while Kakashi offered a much ruder gesture and the pair took off in search of an after party, or a nap.

Just then, Naruto-whom everyone forgot about-stepped out from behind an endcap of ramen cups. “Does this mean you’re hiring?”

Hiruzen smiled, “I’ll get you an application.”

The End

Do you have an idea for a title? Add it in the replies to this post!

#the kakashi lounge #Kakashi #kakashi hatake #hatake kakashi #Modern AU #round robin story #third shift kakashi #the man is tired #strange things are afoot #the akatsuki biker gang #gai does the worm #the power of dance #killer bee raps #did anyone actually buy anything?#penny-pincher chiyo #naruto was there the whole time #server event #server shenanigans

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belovedfinch · 6 years ago

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Re-watch of Veronica Mars & Movie

“I used to be cool” -keith “when” - veronica

lol veronica putting a bong in logan’s locker

“i suddenly feel like I’m in a scene from the outsiders” - wallace

“be cool soda pop” - veronica

I love that my favourite book is referenced

“the people you love let you down” - veronica

I forgot paris hilton was on veronica mars

Duncan and his antidepressants and side effects and hallucinations of lily, I never liked duncan but please never go cold turkey off prescribed meds!

the fashion 😂

when veronica was 12 and logan first saw her he said he thought she was hot - love at first sight ? 😜

dude where’s my car joke

“change had a tendency to walk up and punch me in the face” - veronica

you can tell logan is afraid of his dad straight away

his mum sits on the couch drinking wine while her son is getting belted cool cool cool cool....

Never underestimate the size of my cahoeneys😂Logan is my fav

“what is so great about living?” - Logan

Mac is awesome, I forgot her name was cindy, I named my cat after my favourite barbie doll whose name was Cindy r.i.p beautiful ❤️

“I guess we remember it differently” - Logan, me to my brother about our childhood

leighton meester, monique coleman from high school musical, Adam Scott!

logan put his gum under a chair in the police office! yuck

“there is also a tribe that worships Donald trumps hair” - veronica

“what, did he loose a puka shell?” - weevil about logan😂

when logan starts crying in the lobby after he mistakes his step-sister as his mum😭

meg with her pretty in pink dress up for the 80s valentines day dance and duncan is ducky❤️

I wish my school had an 80s theme dance, but I would be too indecisive about who to go as tbh.

“whoever said it’s a mans world, didn’t know how easy it is to be a girl” - veronica, you can tell a man wrote that line

horned mascot from riverdale - veronica and calls herself betty when she goes to the other school

kinda forgot how relatable veronica is, loner, pushes people away

that black beanie with the flames

the flashbacks or hallucinations that show lily speak to people/mostly veronica, remind me of allison in pretty little liars

aussie guy - from home and away i think

never really liked duncan

logan punching the fbi agent

love how mac and keith both say “earth to mars”

logan step-sister trina when she asks him for money reminds me of my brother

veronica had a slider and so does wallace in the second season, my sister had a purple one and i wanted it so bad

logan’s smirk at veronica when she found his step-sisters boyfriend

wow aaron’s father being an abuser, then himself, glad the cycle stopped with logan

thats amore playing whilst aaron beats up his daughters abusive boyfriend

I always felt bad for leo as much as I love LoVe. Veronica basically just used him

sean from degrassi is on veronica mars

“i like what i see in him when he’s with you” - aaron echolls

I think i could love her plays as veronica stands logan up on his boat

“the thought of you breeding? ugh” - logan to dick

logan’s allergic to shell fish

“All i care about is you” - logan

“just evaporate or something” - logan

why didn’t aaron get rid of the tapes? did he not think someone would find his secret ?

sucks that veronica spent her savings for college on her mum to go to rehab and her mum didn’t even last

logan on the bridge where his mother committed suicide, about to jump

when keith saves veronica from the fridge and his on fire and his in a gurney and says “who’s your daddy?”

I’m glad she realises her mum as much as she loves her she is better off without her, that’s what alcoholics do, they are liars.

“don’t forget about me veronica” - lily

greenhouse academy has the same cliffhanger as season 1 of veronica mars

logan shows up at 3am beat up and framed for stabbing someone, then he hears on the radio that his father killed his girlfriend and that his father was sleeping with her

it’s was always duncan right? breaking up with logan making any excuse, all because you finally find out your not brother and sister. ugh

like logan said everyone in his life was gone, the one person he opened up to. also left him. Not cool veronica

the bus crash reminds me of degrassi

“you must chill” veronica says to a girl that has just lost her father in a bus crash and is being bullied and blamed just because her dad had mental health issues and the good ol sheriff feeds the press that it might have been a suicide attempt

curly dude washed up on the beach with veronicas name on his hand, is that like twin peaks, or the guy in australia that was found on the beach with something on his hand but they he had no ID and all the tags were off his clothes

PLL writers should take notes on veronica mars on how to tie up loose ends

“what conspiracy have you pulled out of your ass today”- logan

“my day is complete veronica mars has accused me of evil” - logan, as he twists the ends of his imaginary moustache

veronica is very selfish if you think about it, she asks for favours all the time from her friends but she is never there to hear their problems, she thinks the world does actually revolve around her.

lol logan in the line-up

eye roll aaron blaming duncan and then saying he snapped

cameo by that chick off of america’s next top model

aaron got a psychology degree in jail lol

omg able coonz dying thinking his only daughter is alive but she got killed and shoved into an ice machine holder thingy at a stingy motel

lol when veronica lays down onto logan thinking its duncan

“3rd wheel beginners guide” - logan

“nobody likes an eager beaver” logan to cassidy, was rob waiting a whole season to make that joke and thats why the nickname beaver was given to him?

singer maybe billy idol?

I feel like megs death was a crappy ending, like did she just die so that once again duncan and veronica are split up because of circumstance and they are star-crossed true lovers (eye roll)

“whats your poison” - veronica (breakfast club reference)

“sorry we are all out of liquid evil” - veronica to logan

michael cera

when logan pretends to get burned by the bible when interning for woody

gia says logan uses humour and sarcasm to something something, dance episode

we used to be friends along time ago, but i haven’t thought of you lately at all

logan not taking any of his fathers bull shitting when he was on trial on the stand

“So, apparently, if you're handsome and famous enough, you can just lie under oath, and that's cool.” - veronica

when woody finds veronica on the computer he is creepy af

can we just talk about how much logan went through and how mentally that would fuck you up, yet he never resorted to violence

“it was worth getting taped to a poll” - wallace

lol veronicas dad when she graduates

dicks “trust me I’m rich” shirt

keith says “Carol channings still alive isn’t she?” and I’m like no she died 6 days ago

season 3

don’t like the new intro

“Back ups in charge? what about the bitch he’s been seeing” - V

WHY THE F IS KEITH HELPING CASABLANCAS WHEN CASIDY HIS SON RAPED HIS DAMN DAUGHTER

MAC “hey i know that guy’ (wallace)

there is no one else, i only want you - logan

fracking

victoria from twilight is in a sorority

I love when logan comes over for dinner and he just smirks at keith and veronica’s banter

i forgot logan had a brother

lol the clerk calls condoms “raincoats” so does my great aunty

diana from glee is on here

veronica is pretty selfish, like her dad was in a car accident and she is annoyed and disapproving of him having a relatioship , she can’t just trust logan?!? ugh

but for logan to run away from the burning motel, it’s just what douchebag pukashell wearing logan would do, not the actual logan

holy crap veronica was SOO damn lucky logan was there at that moment she would be baled and raped, like is once not enough for gods sake?

guy from the nanny

when logan calls veronica from the other side of the cafeteria and she ignores it and he is basically crying :(

logan and i broke up , “are you okay?” keith, “it was unexpected” -v wtf bitch you didn’t trust him, you had a fight, how was it unexpected

dude from waynes world

I love the hooker story line, max & wendy aww

I’ve always hated maddison far out she is a piece of work

ep13 “where are your heads?” basketball coach, me “Obviously not in the game”

lol how dick locks logan on the balcony

logan is yoshi in mario cart!! so am i

“how is it you have so many friends? you don’t even like people” v to l

Lafayette from true blood is a child solider

why did logan invite parker to be with him over break when he obviously wasn’t happy or didn’t want her to go, was it just to prove veronica wrong that “that’s just the way he is” like v said is true, to prove that he has changed.

like it just seems logan and veronica are denying their feelings for each other

that writer from once upon a time is in here, he is in everything

mars uses venus razor

oh the logan piz fight…

such a crap ending to an amazing show

movie

I just love the scene where logan is leaning up against the car like jake from 16 candles (i did post a comparison of the two ages ago)

I like how logan went out with the crazy chic, he was so nonchalant about it, because he wanted to pay veronica back for coming back to neptune when he called even though they hadn’t spoken like 10 years.

kind upset that it wasn’t leighton meester that played carrie

comeback always

logan isn’t supposed to remember the epic quote because he was drunk?

I have so much love for logan, I relate to him so much and it was honestly the best day of my life when I met Jason ( i also met percy and michael) he was so kind to me and I gave him a letter I had written and he was just so down to earth.

How else is pumped for the return?!?

#veronica mars #veronica mars thoughts #kristen bell #jason dohring #percy daggs iii #michael muhney #enrico colantoni #queued

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holytheoristtastemaker · 5 years ago

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AWS is just too hard to use, and it's not your fault. Today I'm joining to help AWS build for App Developers, and to grow the Amplify Community with people who Learn AWS in Public.

Muck

When AWS officially relaunched in 2006, Jeff Bezos famously pitched it with eight words: "We Build Muck, So You Don’t Have To". And a lot of Muck was built. The 2006 launch included 3 services (S3 for distributed storage, SQS for message queues, EC2 for virtual servers). As of Jan 2020, there were 283. Today, one can get decision fatigue just trying to decide which of the 7 ways to do async message processing in AWS to choose.

The sheer number of AWS services is a punchline, but is also testament to principled customer obsession. With rare exceptions, AWS builds things customers ask for, never deprecates them (even the failures), and only lowers prices. Do this for two decades, and multiply by the growth of the Internet, and it's frankly amazing there aren't more. But the upshot of this is that everyone understands that they can trust AWS never to "move their cheese". Brand AWS is therefore more valuable than any service, because it cannot be copied, it has to be earned. Almost to a fault, AWS prioritizes stability of their Infrastructure as a Service, and in exchange, businesses know that they can give it their most critical workloads.

The tradeoff was beginner friendliness. The AWS Console has improved by leaps and bounds over the years, but it is virtually impossible to make it fit the diverse usecases and experience levels of over one million customers. This was especially true for app developers. AWS was a godsend for backend/IT budgets, taking relative cost of infrastructure from 70% to 30% and solving underutilization by providing virtual servers and elastic capacity. But there was no net reduction in complexity for developers working at the application level. We simply swapped one set of hardware based computing primitives for an on-demand, cheaper (in terms of TCO), unfamiliar, proprietary set of software-defined computing primitives.

In the spectrum of IaaS vs PaaS, App developers just want an opinionated platform with good primitives to build on, rather than having to build their own platform from scratch:

That is where Cloud Distros come in.

Cloud Distros Recap

I've written before about the concept of Cloud Distros, but I'll recap the main points here:

From inception, AWS was conceived as an "Operating System for the Internet" (an analogy echoed by Dave Cutler and Amitabh Srivasta in creating Azure).

Linux operating systems often ship with user friendly customizations, called "distributions" or "distros" for short.

In the same way, there proved to be good (but ultimately not huge) demand for "Platforms as a Service" - with 2007's Heroku as a PaaS for Rails developers, and 2011's Parse and Firebase as a PaaS for Mobile developers atop AWS and Google respectively.

The PaaS idea proved early rather than wrong – the arrival of Kubernetes and AWS Lambda in 2014 presaged the modern crop of cloud startups, from JAMstack CDNs like Netlify and Vercel, to Cloud IDEs like Repl.it and Glitch, to managed clusters like Render and KintoHub, even to moonshot experiments like Darklang. The wild diversity of these approaches to improving App Developer experience, all built atop of AWS/GCP, lead me to christen these "Cloud Distros" rather than the dated PaaS terminology.

Amplify

Amplify is the first truly first-party "Cloud Distro", if you don't count Google-acquired Firebase. This does not make it automatically superior. Far from it! AWS has a lot of non-negotiable requirements to get started (from requiring a credit card upfront to requiring IAM setup for a basic demo). And let's face it, its UI will never win design awards. That just categorically rules it out for many App Devs. In the battle for developer experience, AWS is not the mighty incumbent, it is the underdog.

But Amplify has at least two killer unique attributes that make it compelling to some, and at least worth considering for most:

It scales like AWS scales. All Amplify features are built atop existing AWS services like S3, DynamoDB, and Cognito. If you want to eject to underlying services, you can. The same isn't true of third party Cloud Distros (Begin is a notable exception). This also means you are paying the theoretical low end of costs, since third party Cloud Distros must either charge cost-plus on their users or subsidize with VC money (unsustainable long term). AWS Scale doesn't just mean raw ability to handle throughput, it also means edge cases, security, compliance, monitoring, and advanced functionality have been fully battle tested by others who came before you.

It has a crack team of AWS insiders. I don't know them well yet, but it stands to reason that working on a Cloud Distro from within offers unfair advantages to working on one from without. (It also offers the standard disadvantages of a bigco vs the agility of a startup) If you were to start a company and needed to hire a platform team, you probably couldn't afford this team. If you fit Amplify's target audience, you get this team for free.

Simplification requires opinionation, and on that Amplify makes its biggest bets of all - curating the "best of" other AWS services. Instead of using one of the myriad ways to setup AWS Lambda and configure API Gateway, you can just type amplify add api and the appropriate GraphQL or REST resources are set up for you, with your infrastructure fully described as code. Storage? amplify add storage. Auth? amplify add auth. There's a half dozen more I haven't even got to yet. But all these dedicated services coming together means you don't need to manage servers to do everything you need in an app.

Amplify enables the "fullstack serverless" future. AWS makes the bulk of its money on providing virtual servers today, but from both internal and external metrics, it is clear the future is serverless. A bet on Amplify is a bet on the future of AWS.

Note: there will forever be a place for traditional VPSes and even on-premises data centers - the serverless movement is additive rather than destructive.

For a company famous for having every team operate as separately moving parts, Amplify runs the opposite direction. It normalizes the workflows of its disparate constituents in a single toolchain, from the hosted Amplify Console, to the CLI on your machine, to the Libraries/SDKs that run on your users' devices. And this works the exact same way whether you are working on an iOS, Android, React Native, or JS (React, Vue, Svelte, etc) Web App.

Lastly, it is just abundantly clear that Amplify represents a different kind of AWS than you or I are used to. Unlike most AWS products, Amplify is fully open source. They write integrations for all popular JS frameworks (React, React Native, Angular, Ionic, and Vue) and Swift for iOS and Java/Kotlin for Android. They do support on GitHub and chat on Discord. They even advertise on podcasts you and I listen to, like ShopTalk Show and Ladybug. In short, they're meeting us where we are.

This is, as far as I know, unprecedented in AWS' approach to App Developers. I think it is paying off. Anecdotally, Amplify is growing three times faster than the rest of AWS.

Note: If you'd like to learn more about Amplify, join the free Virtual Amplify Days event from Jun 10-11th to hear customer stories from people who have put every part of Amplify in production. I'll be right there with you taking this all in!

Personal Note

I am joining AWS Mobile today as a Senior Developer Advocate. AWS Mobile houses Amplify, Amplify Console (One stop CI/CD + CDN + DNS), AWS Device Farm (Run tests on real phones), and AppSync (GraphQL Gateway and Realtime/Offline Syncing), and is closely connected to API Gateway (Public API Endpoints) and Amazon Pinpoint (Analytics & Engagement). AppSync is worth a special mention because it is what first put the idea of joining AWS in my head.

A year ago I wrote Optimistic, Offline-first apps using serverless functions and GraphQL sketching out a set of integrated technologies. They would have the net effect of making apps feel a lot faster and more reliable (because optimistic and offline-first), while making it a lot easier to develop this table-stakes experience (because the GraphQL schema lets us establish an eventually consistent client-server contract).

9 months later, the Amplify DataStore was announced at Re:Invent (which addressed most of the things I wanted). I didn't get everything right, but it was clear that I was thinking on the same wavelength as someone at AWS (it turned out to be Richard Threlkeld, but clearly he was supported by others). AWS believed in this wacky idea enough to resource its development over 2 years. I don't think I've ever worked at a place that could do something like that.

I spoke to a variety of companies, large and small, to explore what I wanted to do and figure out my market value. (As an aside: It is TRICKY for developer advocates to put themselves on the market while still employed!) But far and away the smoothest process where I was "on the same page" with everyone was the ~1 month I spent interviewing with AWS. It helped a lot that I'd known my hiring manager, Nader for ~2yrs at this point so there really wasn't a whole lot he didn't already know about me (a huge benefit of Learning in Public btw) nor I him. The final "super day" on-site was challenging and actually had me worried I failed 1-2 of the interviews. But I was pleasantly surprised to hear that I had received unanimous yeses!

Nader is an industry legend and personal inspiration. When I completed my first solo project at my bootcamp, I made a crappy React Native boilerplate that used the best UI Toolkit I could find, React Native Elements. I didn't know it was Nader's. When I applied for my first conference talk, Nader helped review my CFP. When I decided to get better at CSS, Nader encouraged and retweeted me. He is constantly helping out developers, from sharing invaluable advice on being a prosperous consultant, to helping developers find jobs during this crisis, to using his platform to help others get their start. He doesn't just lift others up, he also puts the "heavy lifting" in "undifferentiated heavy lifting"! I am excited he is leading the team, and nervous how our friendship will change now he is my manager.

With this move, I have just gone from bootcamp grad in 2017 to getting hired at a BigCo L6 level in 3 years. My friends say I don't need the validation, but I gotta tell you, it does feel nice.

The coronavirus shutdowns happened almost immediately after I left Netlify, which caused complications in my visa situation (I am not American). I was supposed to start as a US Remote employee in April; instead I'm starting in Singapore today. It's taken a financial toll - I estimate that this coronavirus delay and change in employment situation will cost me about $70k in foregone earnings. This hurts more because I am now the primary earner for my family of 4. I've been writing a book to make up some of that; but all things considered I'm glad to still have a stable job again.

I have never considered myself a "big company" guy. I value autonomy and flexibility, doing the right thing over the done thing. But AWS is not a typical BigCo - it famously runs on "two pizza teams" (not literally true - Amplify is more like 20 pizzas - but still, not huge). I've quoted Bezos since my second ever meetup talk, and have always admired AWS practices from afar, from the 6-pagers right down to the anecdote told in Steve Yegge's Platforms Rant. Time to see this modern colossus from the inside.

0 notes

pinksweatergettingbetter · 7 years ago

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warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

ok guys. its the final ending for REALS this time.

Amara’s been shot after lying for approximately half a decade, boobs AND secrets were exposed, Dhurke was momentarily a good father and everything is exhausting.

now, for the actual final chapter of this ball-gripping tale.

“If she did shoot Amara, she’s not gonna get away with it!! Not on my watch!!” ok apollo do remember that youre still an unarmed foreign man with an occupation that makes you an outcast and also you’re 5′5″ up against a literally queen with followers proven to kill for her

a 50/50 chance of survival

so an Engarde/Vera/Hostages situation then

“...That Ga’ran! Justice will be served.”

ok APollo’s dialogue writers have officially opened the Stock Phrases barrel.

ok so Rayfa... maybe knows she’s Amara’s daughter? if so i love her like 10 times more. she actually put 2 and 2 together.

“...How are YOU, Horn Head?”

BLESS HER

Datz: :( Dhurke is dead guess the revolution is over

yeah i guess there’s nobody to defend you from pulling bullshit like throwing firecrackers at kids anymore, is there, Vore Machine? Cause I doubt Behleeb would stand for that shit.

yeesh. talk about weak ass resolve.

when Mia died Phoenix didn’t wallow in depression, he got his ass up and went to defend her sister.

Datz: Hey Apollo! Because I’m a lazy fuckwad, if you don’t prove Ga’ran guilty, the revolution is over and our country is doomed! Good luck!

god even when he’s actually taking things seriously he’s a shithead. like really? if the trial goes south, that’s it? no more revolution? despite how much the trial has /already/ done to rile up your supporters?? what kind of a revolutionary are you?!

Ready or not, here comes Justice!

god yes lets end this

hey where’s Sadmad

maybe he went with his mom to make sure they didn’t just kill her at the hospital.

ohhh. i see. they haven't announced it yet but thats actually pretty clever of her– Sadmad’s the final blockade to fall. Accuse him of the murder, carry off Amara to be ‘healed’, and then uh... do nothing about the rebels because apparently they’re not even interested in a revolution anymore.

yeeeeeep it’s sadm–

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR NAHYUTA

hey Perceive you should be kicking it about now.

well that IS leading the witness, apollo.

y’know, considering Ga’ran is a monarch, she could pardon Nahyuta for his crime. I mean, he’s still useful to her.

“The law, Nahyuta? Or the queen?”

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“problematic testimony”

s top... using that word... pls

“The holy mother does not condone killing in her name” but her sister’s name??? fuck yes murder that shit up

just say Lady Kee’ra told you to do it and you’re off the hook sadmad

ok... so Dhurke rescued Amara when Nahyuta was ten, (15 years ago) and he met her at that point. Apollo got shipped off to America when he was nine... And since Nahyuta is a year older than Apollo, that would make that the very same year. Ah– and confirmed by Apollo himself. Guess he just missed her.

“Sorry Apollo– I’m getting my wife back and we need your bed... See you in 15 years!”

“Mr. Justice. Know that Dhurke sent you away so that you would not be caught up in the life we led.” oK??? but why didn’t he send Nahyuta away too? it’s literally been stated that Nahyuta was totally outcasted, and even worse, now we find out he had to live constantly on the run. A ten year old.

Why not send Nahyuta off to America with his brother, and bring them back when everything was safe?

Apollo: But Dhurke said that pic was from 23 years ago!!

tbh i have no idea why theyre still trying to cover up Rayfa’s true parentage. cause i dont think the shame of her being related to a rebel really matters at this point.

my brain is pea soup

“If Rayfa comes out as the daughter of Dhurke, everyone will hate her like they hated me!”

...except we just got done basically freeing him of all wrongdoing and that was the end goal of the revolution, thus making this utterly meaningless.

...wait. this isn’t the only thing Garan was threatening to do to Rayfa, was it???

holy fuck. thats it. no threats of murder or assault; just “ill tell everyone that her dad’s Dhurke”

despite the fact that even IF she got kicked out of the royal family, she would still be the next queen since the queen Must be a spirit medium, and Rayfa is the only other medium in the country??

but whatever, i ... fuck it, whatever.

this is just a straight up rehash of Simon and Athena anyway, preceded by a rehash of Trials and Tribulations.

“You are an innocent party in this”

damn right she is

“I just gave up overthrowing the queen because she said she’d tell everyone your dad was a bad man”

good fucking lord, no wonder the revolution didnt get anywhere. NOBODY believed in it, even from the fucking start.

god the longer this goes on, the less afraid I am of Ga’ran. hell, considering the police’s skill level, i could probably just deck her in the face and then sprint out the door and id get away with it.

Apollo: The Edgeworht I knew–– fuck, the Simon I knew–– shit, fuck, damnit–– The NAHYUTA I knew would NEVER let himself be turned into this!!

“This hope in your heart is what binds me, Dhurke and you as a family”

yeah whatever

boy everyone really WAS depending on Dhurke. No Dhurke, can’t do shit.

thats just... depressing.

“I have to protect her from being outed as the child of Dhurke!!” he yells in the middle of court surrounded by witnesses who can probably figure this shit out for themselves

“..............Really? Nothing at all? Could an exceptional lawyer like Dhurke try that long and really uncover nothing at all? He had over two decades, Apollo.”

IM WHEEZING

I KNOW THIS ISN’T WHAT HE’S SAYING BUT IT FUCKING SOUNDS LIKE HE’S SAYIGN “uhhh i fuckin did it in SEVEN years"

oh my god!! oh shit!!

thank god real-life physics dont apply to fire-smoke in the AA universe or else lil baby apollo would be dead in like 2 seconds

OH MY GOD OH NO

APOLLO JUST STRAIGHT UP FLIPPED OUT OF HIS ARMS

I HOPE HIS SWADDLING IS REALLY PADDED

JESUS CHRIST

noooo god. now I'm genuinely distressed

why'd Rayfa bring up the lighter evidence?? thats not something to do with Jove’s last thoughts

“Someone attempted to assassinate Queen Amara by settling her residence ablaze”

me: who's the motherfucker in the shiny thing

hrhrhhghg looking at baby apollo is hurting the horrible gremlin mother inside me pls let me just find the contradiction soon

ᶫᵒᵒᵏ ᵃᵗ ʰᶦˢ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ᶫᶦᵗᵗᶫᵉ ᶠᵃᶜᵉ ʷᶦᵗʰ ʰᶦˢ ᵗᶦᶰʸ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦᶰ ᶫᶦᵗᵗᶫᵉ ʰᵃᶦʳ

OH ITS A HAND

OHHHHHHHH

>ENHANCE<

“Peasants”

whoa go back to old timey tumblr your malevolence

“It shall still be I who shall decide Rayfa’s fate.”

uh pretty sure you won’t cause your guilt just got proven in front of tonnes of witnesses and the rebels can legitimately just whisk Rayfa to safety right now, right? like. you’re not queen anymore. you lost. Rayfa is already queen at this second if Amara doesn’t make it.

“The child lives only by my good graces”

ok at least we know murder was on the table. but also Ga’ran you’re literally dead on the spot you can’t do this anymore

does she uh. maybe know anything about Russian history, perhaps..? if i was her id be sneaking out the back way real fuckin quick

well Sadmad its a little less impressive that youve finally decided to defy her when there’s literally nothing left to defy but... meh.

“I believed protecting your secrets was in the best interest of his kingdom...”

WHY

WHAT

WHY??

“In all this time, not once did I reflect on my own conduct -- for I had believed all was fate”

did he just admit he happily acted like a fuckhead under the excuse “oh well, fate’s fate! better be an enormous shithead!!”

yeah, Sadmad?? doesn’t fucking fly.

the DD’s salute looks like they’re catching a kiss

( Now, if we could just prove Ga’ran’s guilt... )

YOU JUST DID. YOU HAD A FUCKING WITNESS

“For the cuffs could have been stolen and used without my knowledge”

you have actual octopus hair

you’ve visibly threatened the life of your own daughter

everything about you is evil and your shit system convicts people on a dime

id say witnessing those cuffs is enough evidence.

oh i just realized Sadmad and Amara do the same head-down hand-symbol pose. cute

“we gotta find the clothes– if we can, then–”

oh god. oh god. i dont like where this is going

siblings unite to piss off auntie

oh god

OH GOD

CORPSE CLOTHES

SHE STRIPPED AND REDRESSED A CORPSE

I DIDN’T WANT THIS

“Because even Monarchs aren’t above the law.”

hell yeah

"Haha. If you convict me, Nahyuta will die for using fake testimony to protect me!”

a) it was under duress, i’d say thats exempt from the law

b) when you go, you’re no longer the queen. you have no power to enforce a law YOU wrote. Amara/Rayfa will abolish the law and pardon Nahyuta

you really are grasping at moron straws aren't you??

“I hate it too but its the law of the land. And as you said, nobody is above the law.”

you people have the brains of protozoa

“She wants us to let her off scot-free? And yet, I don’t see any other choice...”

phoenix, ho-humming about how he had basically the same dilemma in JFA and he convicted engarde anyway

babe,,, you cant make laws anymore,,, you lost. just give up jesus christ. er, holy mother.

oh this is where the SEX! SEX! SEX! gif is from heheh

garan if you kill them you’ll have a courtroom full of witnesses and even the most brainwashed of your subjects won’t stand for a straight up massacre

and if you dont want witnesses you’ll have to kill them all

covering that up’ll be pretty hard. along with the fact that this will only piss off the resistance more

you’re really spiralling here your malevolence

oh my god we didnt need that to be voice acted

HSHDGDJ

Phoenix: shut UP apollo!!! w-we’re gonna die!!!

“I cannot lose you to the twilight realm too!”

aren’t you heading there together? ...that is kinda sweet tho.

alright, enough griping– lets just treat this like a nice big finish.

this music is weird though i gotta say

Apollo: time to face death and laugh!

Phoenix: heheh, yeah, heheh– [signalling to the gallery] TAKE CARE OF TRUCY FOR ME

“Two auspicious creatures dwell within you– a fierce dragon and a virtuous Phoenix.”

im gonna assume the japanese version of the line was “boy ya got double the dragon power up in you”

your playbook huh phoenix

heheh

oh shit

logic

i forgot about that

wow. i love that “the queen literally committed several murders, fraud and basically ruined out country” doesn’t mean anything, but “our queen doesn’t have magic powers” is enough to kick her out on the fucking spot

as much as this ending is kinda stupid, i do appreciate the sheer amusement value of backing Garan into an impossible corner

sjkhdhjshj

and in front of her creepy guards

ur diarrhoea garan indeed!!

“I want a lawyer!”

[bart voice] the ironing is delicious

o man... I'm laugh

the collective emotion here is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

hes goNNA THROW DOWN

oh no she’s gone try

“HRRRRGGH”

it usually doesn't involve shitting yourself but youre trying

garan: [does the Macarena]

ohhhh yikes

“It seems... she now believes that she herself is the Holy Mother.”

oh boy.

“Whyd she try to kill her sister??”

bro,,,,, it

never mind. also, Inga was actually going to stage a coup??

wow this is just misty and morgan on a gargantuan scale isn't it

OH! THEY MIGHT EXPLAIN THIS

“why did amara even listen to garan in the first place?”

“My mother is a gentle soul who loves her sister. So when Ga’ran told her to hide because Dhurke was out to kill her, she believed it.”

...

“What’s more, she did not wish to tarnish the name of her beloved sister...”

.......

“That is why she acquiesced so obediently to Ga’rans request to keep channeling for her.”

.............

“Until she fled with Dhurke and was told the truth, that is.”

wh––

“But since Rayfa was being held captive... I imagine Amara had no choice but to help cover up the truth behind Inga’s murder.”

THAT DOESN’T ACCOUNT FOR THE TIME BEFORE AND DURING HER PREGNANCY. WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE DOING THEN!?

AMARA.

“Well, that was a trial for the ages.” You said it, K-judge.

“Dhurke... I hope you’re watching...” well you retconned people being conscious in the spirit world so no, he isn’t.

“Nah, it was all you.”

baw, nick.

here we go. here’s the phoenix/apollo interaction we’ve always wanted. its just a shame it has to be in this game...

maya: :D PRAISE ME TOO

phoenix: trucy!? how'd you get here?

trucy: its maaaagic :D

edgeworth: i was nearly arrested at the airport for suspected human trafficking.

D: RAYFA NO SAD

tbh rayfa is the best character here.

I'm literally actually smiling with genuine joy as she steps up to the queenly plate. may the Holy Mom bless and keep her.

“Big B...B...”

BABY

“Buh..?”

“B-B-B... Br...”

SHES TRYING SO HARD

YOU CAN DO IT BABE

(cries)

“straight through without doing any serious damage”

wow lucky shot

i wonder if this was the same guy who “sniped” the phantom

you know... on one hand, I'm glad Apollo’s come into his own. But I also hate that he’s leaving the series this way.

It’s not the fact that Apollo is getting his own office, even in a different country– that’s not half bad. But the way they’ve left everything unfinished, and the way they’ve tossed his character around like a hacky-sack... I just can’t accept this as a “happy” ending for the character.

wait why is the revolution still being spoken about– isn’t it over, technically..? i mean, they won... the rebuilding part isn’t really a revolution, is it?

well anyway. I’m happy for Apollo, but not for Apollo Justice. you know what I mean?

“I... I’m sorry guys... Capcom just can’t be bothered with me anymore. I’ll remember you fondly...”

Klavier, from the Capcom storehouse: he WHAT

“But someday... I’ll return to the US!”

[squints]

heh... goodbye, Man Cub. you’re off to the human village. and as for us, it’s back to the jungle.

“We must never stagnate, but continue to grow and change.”

phoenix: uh huh!!

god the voice acting... its so bad...

Dhurke: hello son... I'm a butterfly now!

oh no you dont– dont you dare play us out on a jazzy version of apollos theme >:T

HEY I JUST REMEMBERED

NOBODY CHANNELED GOD.

I WANTED TO SEE GOD DAMN IT

baby Faith.

Datz: Faith! Grow up to be a horrible guy like me!

Faith: [tiny baby middle finger extends]

good child. he takes after his mum

haha eat shit dickquill

..also who are you calling “old chum”

aww pearly you can wear as many city girl outfits as you want ;w;

.......just no slim white dresses

Sadmad: I know I’m a total fuckwad in court but does she have to call me a silly name :’(

sadmad... youre getting off so, so easy

oh hey. this game didn’t end with an OBJECTION!

“Don’t you think it’s about time we told them the truth?”

ohhh you mother fuckers. you absolute asswipes.

huh... an after scene??

“Case backlog” jesus

...ohhh here’s the huh huh huh OBJECTION

“From legal advice to investigating extramarital affaires– even yak milking!”

uhh

DJF ITS FREE

HAHA

heh. i like it when you can use the mic for that.

well, it looks like that’s the end. i made it through SOJ. I gotta say, I don’t feel anywhere near as soul crushingly miserable as i thought I would. I’ve got a lot to think about for my final thoughts... guess i’ll get to that tomorrow morning.

anyway– it’s been a pleasure writing all this shit and going through this whole thing with you guys– err, whoever reads these, haha.

I may come off like a dick, but honestly it comes from a place of deep, deep love for a series that's helped me in so many ways. Here’s hoping AA7 will bring us a new, crazy adventure.

so, i’ll seeya next time. possibly with a much more lighthearted play by play of PL VS AA :)

[deep inhale]

#soj spoilers #sulking over SOJ #iiiiits long #but not as mean as you might think #finally finished guys]#seeya in the next one!]

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waqasblog2 · 6 years ago

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 The Vicious Circle Of SEO (And How To Beat It)

(Photo by Omar Marques/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images)

The vicious circle of SEO is the theory that top‐ranking pages in Google rank high because they get lots of backlinks, and they get lots of backlinks because they rank high.

It’s easy to see why this theory is so convincing.

Imagine you’re a journalist or blogger writing an article about piranhas. You do some Googling about piranhas’ hunting habits and find a few high-quality, comprehensive resources right away.

Google does a good job of surfacing helpful content, so you never make it past the first page; in fact, you didn’t even need to scroll down at all. It wasn’t that you were lazy -- it’s just that you found the answers to your questions right away, so why would you keep searching?

Then, when it comes time to reference a resource on piranhas’ hunting habits in your upcoming article, the pages you read (i.e., the top-ranking pages) are the ones that you’re going to cite and link back to in your article.

Now imagine hundreds of content creators writing articles about piranhas. They all go through a similar researching process, reading the same great resources in Google’s top pages and linking back to them as references. As a result, those top-ranking articles earn backlinks at a much faster pace than all other pages on the topic.

Since Google’s algorithm emphasizes backlinks as a priority ranking factor -- so the theory goes -- it becomes nearly impossible for new content to outrank those top-ranking incumbents. It’s, well… a vicious circle.

The search engine optimization (SEO) company studied over 10,000 keywords to figure out if the vicious circle of SEO holds true at scale.

On the one hand, the study proved that top-ranking content does earn backlinks at a faster pace than lower-ranking content. But on the other hand, there is no proof that acquiring links at a faster pace leads to better rankings. It’s a classic case of “correlation does not imply causation.”

This finding is an important reminder that backlinks aren’t the end-all, be-all of Google’s algorithm. There are plenty of case studies of small businesses that climb their way to the top of search rankings by simply providing valuable, high-quality content and not focusing on earning backlinks.

In fact, recent research from digital marketer Neil Patel found that top-ranked content doesn’t need a heavy backlink profile, or even a specific keyword density. What top-ranked content has in common is that it’s deep, comprehensive and authoritative.

So, How Do We Beat Top-Ranking Content?

What’s the secret to overtaking older content that already has a deep reservoir of backlinks? How can we break out of the vicious circle of SEO?

The answer ultimately comes down to Google’s machine learning algorithm, Rankbrain. Confirmed back in 2015, Rankbrain helps Google sort through search results based on behavioral factors and contextual clues.

Do people click on your content but then quickly press the ‘back’ button and look at other results? That suggests searchers perhaps didn’t quite find what they were looking for. On the other hand, if people hang around on your site for a while after clicking, that level of “dwell time” helps paint a much more positive picture.

A long dwell time can usually be chalked up to a combination of two things: quality content and a pleasurable user experience.

The term ‘quality content’ gets thrown around so much, it’s practically become a punchline. And yet, Google still cares about content quality, perhaps more than any other factor. It’s frustratingly subjective for those who seek a magic formula, but pretty simple in theory for those willing to put in the time and effort to serve their audience well.

A comprehensive guide, for example, is much more likely to answer a searcher’s questions and keep them engaged than a cursory flyover with three quick tips. Similarly, original research tends to perform better than rehashed or recycled points, especially if the other competing content lacks in that area.

Offering a pleasurable user experience is easier than creating the content itself, but no less important for improving dwell time. A comprehensive guide may have terrific information, but if it’s displayed as one giant wall of text, you’re going to have a hard time convincing people to muster the patience to sift through it.

Interstitial pages and advertisements might be a great way to make money, but they frustrate the user from reaching their ultimate goal. Other common frustrations include websites that load slowly, pages that are not optimized for mobile devices, and content displayed in fonts and colors that are difficult to read.

It may require some trial and error to find the factors that boost dwell time best for your own content, but the benefit cannot be overstated. As Google defers more to Rankbrain, complicated behavioral factors that accurately depict content’s value will become more meaningful than easily measured and gamed factors like backlinks and keyword density.

Yes, Google still cares about relevant backlinks. Each link is a little vote of confidence from another site that tells the search engine your content is valuable. But Google also cares about contextual clues, which help to tell a more comprehensive story than a bunch of links ever could.

Put effort into creating high-quality content that encourages people to stick around, and you’ll find many of your SEO problems start to solve themselves. At that point, backlinks will just be icing on the cake.

This content was originally published here.

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oldnintendonerd · 7 years ago

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Pickup Post #7 - Sony “Wiiks” 3

Been a while since a post, so this one will be pretty long, despite not having found something every single week, there are a few here, so it is pretty long. I have still made time to stop at a few places. I hit my local Goodwill, a few yard sales, and had a LetGo pickup. It hasn’t been terrible, just a little slow.

So let’s get into it.

I’ll try to go in order, and just after the last post I went into my local Goodwill and there looked to be a fresh PS2 drop off. No system, but there were about 15 games that weren’t there the last time I was in. Most of it was schlock, sports games, Guitar Hero and the like. But there was a copy of Need For Speed Pro Street that was in decent shape. I’d never played it before, and it was the best of the lot. The problem was, I’d forgotten my Game Hunting money that day. I really try not to let this hobby get in the way of normal life. I only hit places when they are on the way to a place I am already going, or if they are pretty close to a place I am already. I also keep this strictly within the game hunting money budget. So I looked for a place to hide the game in the store. I dropped it behind a row of DVDs. They were to the front of a pretty deep shelf and there was room behind it. I figured, if it’s there when I get back, fine, if they find it and it sells, I won’t be heartbroken.

Well, I was back the next day picking up dinner nearby, so I popped in, and, it was still there.

I popped it in to see if it worked and it does. Didn’t really play, but I did a quick race just to get an idea of it, and it is weird. I haven’t played any NFS series since the PSX had NFS Hot Pursuit. I did play that a lot, and enjoyed it, which was probably the only reason I gave this a go. This ran me $3.21. Still not a bad find.

It is complete. Disc is in good shape. Not great, but good. I’ll throw this in the collection to kill some time at a later date.

The next week I stopped at a yard sale that was supposed to have Wii games. It was a Facebook ad so I could communicate with the seller. I asked what Wii games she had, and she replied with Mario Kart, some hunting games, and that she wasn’t sure what else. I thought it was worth a stop, it wasn’t far from my house and I was on the way to work anyway. I got there as the sale was opening, I asked about the games, it was raining and I was the only one there. Everything was still being set up because it was still a mess. They could not find the Wii games anywhere. I was disappointed, I’ve been trying to get a copy of Mario Kart Wii for a while with no luck. People keep wanting $15+ for it on LetGo or OfferUp, not that I can blame them, I think Pricecharting has this game at $15 just for loose disc. But, I thought this might be an opportunity to pick it up for $5 or so. I hung around, poking through the pile of mess they had in the garage, hoping he may find it. They had a pile of PS2 games that I glanced through. A case with like 25 DS games in it. I wished I had more time to paw through everything, but I was on my way to work. Sitting on top was Spirit Tracks, which would have been awesome CIB, but I popped it open and saw some other schlock game. Another let down. Pawed through the PS2 games a little more thoroughly, and it was more crap, hunting games, Medal of Honor games, Guitar Hero and sports games, etc. They did have Hot Shots Tennis, and having just got a Hot Shots Golf title, I figured why not. I came here, and have killed 15 minutes already waiting for the Wii games to turn up when it was supposed to really just be a 5 minute stop, might as well walk away with something. Offered $1, and he took it.

Haven’t played it, but the Hot Shots series is nothing less than a “Me Too” Mario Game copycat series, so if it plays anything like Mario Tennis, it can’t be that bad. For a buck? Why not.

It’s in good shape, and complete. Disc is better than NFS pro Street, so this one will go in the collection as well.

The PS2 collection is starting to fill out a little bit at this point.

I have gotten the PCSX2 emulator, and Free McBoot as well, so I dumped my own BIOS and the emulator works pretty well. Not all games play, but most do. I have also ripped these to ISO and run them from a HDD on the PC (they load SO much faster) and they can be loaded on a HDD on the PS2 as well (once I figure out how, heh). You can see the HDD in the “surgery” shot from last post, along with an IDE to USB adapter. So that’s in the plan. It is an 200GB IDE, or PATA, drive and I only plan on keeping copies of games I actually own on the HDD, simply to keep me from having to handle the discs to play the games. Hopefully that proves to work out. I’m just leery of all the programs you need to install and use to accomplish it. I may build a disposable windows virtual machine to handle it in case something winds up being malware.

Anyway, enough of that. Moving on.

The following week came and went, and on that Friday, there was another sale right on the way to the office that advertised a “Nintendo Handheld” and “Nintendo Games”. So I decided to investigate. I figured it could be anything from an old Game Boy and games, on up to a 3DS XL and games. Well, it was a regular DS, looked to be an original generation. With a $50 sticker on it. After I did a double take and tucked my eyes back in their sockets at the price, I leafed through the games. All schlock little kids games. Not even an Animal Crossing. Nothing. The sign there said they want $10 PER GAME.

Per game!?

You have like 12 games here! You are telling me you want $170 for all these games and the DS? You know for $200 you can buy a brand new 3DS XL. I’d be a buyer for the entire lot at maybe $30. MAYBE. But not $170, not even $150, or even $100. So I forgot about it. Way too far apart, and I didn’t want to insult her. If I offered even $40 it would sound insanely low to her given what she clearly thought it was worth.

Moving through the sale I spotted a Wii though, all by itself. No cords, no WiiMotes, nothing. Even missing the controller port flap. The games were sitting there, also labeled at $10 each, but the Wii itself was labeled $7.50. Already a decent deal, but with everything else priced so high, this was the only opportunity to get anything out of this sale. I decided to see if I could get it for a steal. I said that Wii looks a little rough, any cords for it? She says no. I’m like man, no cords, no controllers, it’s missing the controller port cover flap, would you take $5 for it? She thought about it for a moment, and accepted the $5.

Here it is.

It’s in pretty good shape, a little dirty, nothing that can’t be washed up. Since the Wii is my newest console that I own, it is on the living room TV, it was a quick swap in to test it. It works. When it powered on I heard it spinning up a disc, before it even got past that first black screen that makes you press A. I was like oh nice, free game. Judging from the games that were on the table that they wanted $10 each for, I was almost positive it was going to be some Barbie game, or something like Carnival Games. However I was pleasantly surprised. If you follow me on Instagram I’ve ruined this for you, but for those who don’t know yet, check it.

WHAT!?

Been looking for this forever, and I finally get to play it. It’s a bummer it isn’t complete. But I’ve been looking for a Wii to try Soft Modding. I didn’t want to eff up my Wii somehow in the process and lose all of the content that I’ve paid for, so I have been keeping my eye out for a cheap Wii. This was perfect. To get a copy of Mario Kart Wii on top of that is just a nice bonus!

Finally, I had a LetGo deal with someone. We went back and forth quite a bit. The lot is for 20 PS2 games and she had it priced at “$2 each”. I was honest right off the bat, $40 is not going to happen with anyone on these titles, I said I’m usually at about $1 per game for PS2, and at first glance I see only about 11 games that are worth anything, would you take $11? I was expecting to be ignored or at least get a counter offer, that is the MO most of the time on LetGo, no one wants to hear the ugly truth about the games or systems they have. You offer a reasonable price for something, but its only half what they have it listed for and they simply ignore you. This offer being at only about 25% is like a lowball, but she had it priced WAY too high is all.

She just said “Sure”.

Since it looked like we’d make a deal I took a closer look at the titles. They were worse than I thought, the non-sports games were the likes of Guitar Hero, and Cabela’s schlock. That reduced the “good” titles down even further to more like 7. I use the term “good” loosely. In this lot good simply meant it wasnt a sports or guitar hero game. Even those 7 were luke warm, but I was still interested if she could come down some more. I said honestly, after looking closer, I’m closer to $7 on this, I apologize, but the titles are pretty weak. Plus I didn’t know if they were complete or not, though I suppose I could have asked, but since she agreed to $11 so quickly I thought I’ll just throw a price out as if they aren’t.

She said OK.

Apparently she knew they were on the weak side too. We met, and I picked them up.

I am glad I lowered my offer, NFL 2K3 is the ONLY complete title. The rest are without manuals. Which I’m OK with at a price of $0.35 each, I had no intention of keeping anywhere near all of these, I honestly wanted them to beef up the sale of the second PS2 I have, hoping to tack on an extra $10 - $15 or so with a nice big stack of games in the picture.

I’ll probably only hang onto these ones, and even a few of these are maybes:

Of those in the picture, GT3, SOCOM and GTAIII are the only ones I really wanted to actually keep, and of course none of them are complete. So who knows about even those.

I was thinking of asking $25 for the second fat PS2, power and video cables, and one controller. If I can throw all of the leftover games from this lot on top of it and get $35, I’ll be a happy camper.

Last thing about this pickup, the ATV games are wrecked, especially ATV Offroad Fury 2. The case is destroyed.

You can see ATV Offroad Fury in the background there too, with a big hole in the art on the spine. A couple more shots of the damage:

Fortunately, the find with the two PS2s in it from Sony Weeks 2 had an empty case for ATV Offroad Fury, and the Goodwill by my work had some empty cases they just went ahead and gave me that included ATV Offroad Fury 2, the last time I bought something there. Which by the way was GTA Vice City, I’ll get to that in a minute. Here are the empty cases.

So lets freshen up the ATV Offroad Fury games. Why not? Top row, from this find, bottom row from the cases I had on hand.

Boom.

There we go, both in their new homes. The ATV Offroad Fury game was even a greatest hits, so the disc and case match. Not bad. Not valuable, or perhaps even the greatest games, but they are at least complete now.

As for the mentioned GTA Vice City, I grabbed that because it was absolutely immaculate.

It literally looked like someone bought it, took the shrink wrap off, and then set it on a shelf, later to stick it in a box and bring it to Goodwill.

So down to business, we had $79.36 left at the end of the last post, so we are pretty good on hunting money. We bought two games at the Goodwill for a total of $6.42, that takes us down to $72.94.

Then we got the $5 Wii, and the $7 LetGo deal, bringing us down to $60.94 remaining hunting money.

I am probably going to relax a bit on hunting for a week or two. I’m not going to stop altogether but may back off a little bit. Maybe focus on getting a few of the games listed on eBay that I have that need to be sold before getting back out there real hard core.

Either way, $60.94 remaining is still doing quite good considering what we got in the last month. Happy hunting everyone.

2017.07.18

#playstation #playstation2 #ps2 #gamehunting #retrogaming #wii #mariokart #nintendo #sony #CIB

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entergamingxp · 5 years ago

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DOOM Eternal Review — Heaven and Hell (PS4/Xbox One/Stadia/PC)

March 17, 2020 10:00 AM EST

DOOM Eternal is a drastic improvement over its predecessor in every way and sees the Doom Slayer reclaiming his throne in the shooter genre.

When id Software revived the DOOM franchise four years ago, many didn’t know what to expect upon its arrival. In a previous decade that had seen the series drifting away from its action-heavy roots with DOOM 3, to the much-troubled and eventually canceled development of DOOM 4, the classic shooter franchise seemed to be in a strange place, void of any identity. Fortunately, upon its release in 2016, DOOM‘s latest iteration proved to be a critical and commercial success and ushered in a new era of arena-based combat.

After proving to be such a rousing achievement, id Software’s inevitable sequel, DOOM Eternal, ended up carrying with it something that the previous game didn’t: incredibly high expectations. In the face of those grand expectations, though, the team at id Software have somehow found a way to completely improve on the previous installment in just about every single way. DOOM Eternal isn’t just highly-polished, replayable, and continuously engrossing, but it also easily stands as one of the best first-person shooters we have received in a long, long time.

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“DOOM Eternal isn’t just highly-polished, replayable, and continuously engrossing, but it also easily stands as one of the best first-person shooters we have received in a long, long time.”

DOOM Eternal once again has you mowing down demons in the combat boots of the Doom Slayer. The game’s 15-20+ hour runtime will have you aggressively sprinting across Earth, Hell, and a variety of other realms in order to halt the demonic hordes that have infested the human homeworld. The Doom Slayer’s goal remains the same as it has always been, but there are more factions at play this time. The DOOM franchise’s throughline story pitch of one man (or demigod) facing off against an army of demons has always been low-key hilarious to me, and seeing those stakes upped even further in Eternal with new foes arising for the Doom Slayer to eliminate made the game even more entertaining.

While story has never been front and center in any DOOM game, Eternal actually adds a fair amount of lore and narrative-focus that one wouldn’t normally expect. Not only does the game explain more of the background of the Doom Slayer himself, but it also explains why there are so many demons being let loose upon Earth in the first place. And without spoiling too much, Eternal actually finds a way to connect this new era of DOOM titles to those from the past in some rather interesting ways. Likely the highest praise I can give DOOM Eternal on a story front is that I actually had a desire to read every single codex entry that I came across while playing. The storyline isn’t anything that I’ll end up pondering for years to come, but what is included here definitely made me feel like even more of an unstoppable killing machine.

If you played 2016’s DOOM, then you’ll be familiar at a baseline level with many of the core gameplay mechanics found here in Eternal. Glory kills have once again returned and are the main means by which you can get more health. If you’re running out of HP, you best start charging directly at demons with the intent to rip and tear them apart. id Software has also introduced a variety of other mechanics very similar to this system in DOOM Eternal that work to great effect, too. A shoulder-mounter flamethrower that the Doom Slayer possesses allows him to set enemies ablaze. If you then kill these foes while they’re on fire, you’ll gain more health. The chainsaw also makes a return and when you use it on demons, ammo comes bursting forth from their insides like a fountain.

If the previous DOOM was all about making sure you stay on the offensive at all times, Eternal ups that notion tenfold. All of the mechanics I mentioned aren’t just included for fun, but are instead vital to your survival. DOOM Eternal wants to be played in a very specific fashion, but the reason for forcing you to play in this manner is to maximize your potential as a killing machine. A routine combat scenario in DOOM Eternal will have you switching between guns dozens of times, bouncing off of monkey bars and grav lifts, and will have you scouring the environment for every power-up. It’s hectic, but it leads to every single situation that you find yourself in being a thrill.

It’s also worth noting that if you don’t use all of the tools at your disposal in DOOM Eternal, you will die a whole bunch. Eternal is an inherently tough game, even on lower difficulties. This isn’t the “Dark Souls of shooters” by any means, but even on Normal mode, I found myself stressed and sweating in nearly every engagement. That being said, I think DOOM Eternal could be one of the most well-balanced games I have ever played. Even though each combat situation I found myself in did come with a certain level of challenge, I always found myself more than capable of being able to overcome the hordes of enemies pursuing me as long as I kept moving and remembered to stay aggressive. DOOM Eternal knows how to push you to your limit without ever really breaking you, which is a fantastic line to balance.

“If the previous DOOM was all about making sure you stay on the offensive at all times, Eternal ups that notion tenfold.”

As for the main gear that you’ll be using to dispatch of these demons, the guns that the Doom Slayer comes equipped with largely all feel great. Each weapon in the game, other than the BFG, can be upgraded and come with modifications that you can utilize and swap between on a dime. The Heavy Cannon, for instance, comes with one modification that allows you to snipe foes from far away while the other turns the gun into a rapid-fire missile launcher. Upgrading each weapon over the course of the game remains incredibly compelling, especially if you’re trying to fully level up each of them. The Super Shotgun also remains as my favorite gun in the game by far and the meathook (grappling hook) attachment that it comes with is a real game-changer.

There are also a few new toys at the Doom Slayer’s disposal in DOOM Eternal as well, most notably that of a freakin’ sword. The Crucible, which is what the Doom Slayer’s variation of a lightsaber is formally called, is a lot of fun to use, although you don’t finally get your hands on it until later in the experience. Even when you do finally get it, you learn that it is incredibly limited in its uses and can only be recharged by finding certain items scattered in the environment. Still, being able to one-shot every single non-boss enemy in the game with this demonic saber is always a joy, even if you might not get a whole lot of mileage out of it.

Perhaps the most impressive aspect of DOOM Eternal overall, and the one that really drastically improves the experience even if you’re not always aware of it, comes in the form of the game’s level design. Broadly, Eternal is a much more vast game compared to the previous DOOM. Levels are much larger and a bit more linear, whereas the last DOOM title had stages that were built out a bit more vertically and could be more easily traversed to and from. The latter is definitely more alluring when it comes to trying to find all of the collectibles in a given stage–of which there are a lot–but this grander presentation has allowed the team at id Software to do so much more artistically with DOOM Eternal. There are so many sweeping vistas in this game that feature incredibly detailed backdrops and are an absolute pleasure to take in.

The real achievement in terms of how levels are constructed though comes about whenever you find yourself in the tight-knit locations in which you’ll primarily be duking it out with demons. These areas are so well-designed with all items and locomotive devices being expertly and strategically placed to ensure that you are constantly moving about. Certain stages in DOOM Eternal also offer up challenge arenas of sorts that, upon completion, award you with a few bonus items. These challenge zones were far and away my favorite part of DOOM Eternal as a whole, and I cannot recommend enough that everyone tries these out for themselves.

From beginning to end, DOOM Eternal is rife with action, explosions, and frenetic fights, but it’s not without a few issues. The opening few levels of the game, in particular, are a bit slow. This is mainly due to the fact that you don’t have many weapons just yet and the game is busy inundating you with tutorials. This is to be expected on some level, and the game’s opening missions aren’t awful, per se, it just takes a bit to get going. Once you get about three or four missions in, Eternal really starts to click and doesn’t relent whatsoever.

“In spite of all its accomplishments on a gameplay front, perhaps id Software’s largest achievement with this game is just how well-polished it is out of the gate.”

The only truly “bad” aspect of DOOM Eternal based on my own time with the game would come in the way of some late boss fights. Personally speaking, bosses weren’t my favorite part of DOOM and I don’t think they’re any better here in Eternal, sadly. Of the five boss fights in the game, the first three are actually quite enjoyable, mainly because each of these foes is on a similar scale compared to the Doom Slayer. When you have to face some larger enemy types near the game’s conclusion, the way in which you have to go about beating them becomes a chore.

DOOM Eternal‘s second-to-last boss suffers on multiple levels, most notably in how it is designed. The penultimate boss just feels cheap on a variety of levels, primarily due to the fact that their health is constantly regenerating and they section off specific areas of the arena you’re battling on that you quite literally cannot traverse upon unless you want to get hurt. And perhaps I’m just terrible at playing this game (there’s always a high likelihood of this), but I also found ammo to be far too difficult to acquire in this battle and completely ran out on multiple attempts. The minor foes that are scattered about the environment in this fight could not be chainsawed which meant that, once I ran out of bullets, I was screwed. This was the only instance in the entire campaign that I felt the need to lower the difficulty to Easy mode just to power through, which bummed me out.

As for the actual final boss, the fight is such a chaotic mess that feels less like a boss battle and instead is an exercise in patience. In a game that is all about getting right up in the face of your foes and dealing maximum damage, Eternal‘s last boss forces you to pick and choose your shots carefully at all times while trying to avoid being swarmed by the demons around you. The whole battle makes for a less-than-enjoyable climax that feels like the complete antithesis of everything that came before it. The ending left a bad taste in my mouth in what was otherwise one of my favorite shooter experiences I have had in forever. Bad bosses have often undermined the conclusions of games in the past and DOOM Eternal isn’t invulnerable to such a sin, either.

Despite the rough landing, it’s hard not to be impressed by nearly everything else in DOOM Eternal. In spite of all its accomplishments on a gameplay front, perhaps id Software’s largest achievement with this game is just how well-polished it is out of the gate. In an age where games seem to launch in rough states all the time, I experienced no performance issues or bugs whatsoever in my time playing. More than anything else, I was shocked that the frame rate never once noticeably dipped below 60fps for me no matter how many enemies may have been on screen in a single instance. Perhaps it will struggle a bit more on older hardware (I played on Xbox One X) but it seems clear that DOOM Eternal‘s delay out of 2019 was more than beneficial.

There’s also just an insane amount of content that has been packed into DOOM Eternal as well. While you might think that beating the game one time through will prove to be where you leave it behind, you might be surprised to see how much more there is to do. There are a vast number of challenges, milestones, and other extras that you can constantly be looking to earn while you play. There’s even a battle pass-like system (don’t worry, it’s free) where the more XP you earn in each level, the more you’ll be able to unlock additional goodies. Weekly challenges can also be found here, again, continually encouraging you to approach missions from new angles. All of these features make DOOM Eternal feel much more arcade-y, which is what the franchise has somewhat always been built around to begin with.

Another incredibly cool aspect of DOOM Eternal comes in the way of Master Missions, which are essentially harder variants of levels that you’ve previously played. These remixed missions might not be the most approachable to casual fans, but for all of you masochists out there, they’ll surely give you more demons than you can handle. More Master Missions are said to be coming post-launch as well, which is rad.

I also haven’t even bothered to mention the Fortress of DOOM, which is the Doom Slayer’s hub world that he revisits between levels. This area contains a few unlockables in addition to a practice arena, in case you’d like to try out battling against certain enemy types that are giving you fits. There are also a lot of fun Easter eggs tucked away in this area, especially in the Doom Slayer’s bedroom. It’s a cool little hub that, more than anything, serves as a sort of love letter to DOOM.

“DOOM Eternal proves now more than ever that the grandaddy of the first-person shooter genre is once again the king of them all.”

And did you think I wouldn’t touch on the soundtrack? Come on, now. Mick Gordon’s heavy metal score for DOOM Eternal is the game’s lifeblood that naturally makes you play in an up-tempo manner throughout the entire campaign. While upon a first playthrough some of the tracks don’t stand out as much as others did in the previous game, that doesn’t mean it’s bad whatsoever. It’s not only a fantastic companion piece to DOOM Eternal itself, but it’s just awesome metal music. Seriously, listen to this.

It’s worth mentioning that DOOM Eternal‘s new multiplayer offering, Battlemode, was not available for me to play prior to publishing this review. Servers for Battlemode still haven’t gone live as of this writing and as a result, I can’t take it into account with my final verdict. Still, I can confidently say that no matter how good or bad Battlemode might be, it’s almost certainly not going to affect my overall impressions or final score of DOOM Eternal either way. If anything, it will just turn out to be the cherry on top. We’ll likely have some separate impressions of Battlemode up down the road, so stay tuned.

DOOM Eternal might very well be the most intense video game I have ever played. Every single shootout that I experienced in my time with it demanded my full attention, but that attention was well-earned. Even though it doesn’t quite stick the landing, what’s included here is more than worthy of admiration, praise, and perhaps most importantly, your time.

Only five years ago, the future of DOOM seemed to be in question, which was bizarre given the franchise’s importance and prominence in gaming history. But in the time since, id Software has not only once, but twice now, made clear that this series is here to stay. DOOM Eternal proves now more than ever that the grandaddy of the first-person shooter genre is once again the king of them all — and it doesn’t look to be ceding the throne any time soon.

March 17, 2020 10:00 AM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/03/doom-eternal-review-heaven-and-hell-ps4-xbox-one-stadia-pc/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=doom-eternal-review-heaven-and-hell-ps4-xbox-one-stadia-pc

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frontproofmedia · 5 years ago

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December 14: Terence Crawford-Mean Machine Welterweight Championship Fight Headlines Special Madison Square Garden Tripleheader LIVE on ESPN

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Published: October 15, 2019

NEW YORK CITY — Boxing’s pound-for-pound boogeyman is ready to battle the machine. Terence “Bud” Crawford will defend his WBO welterweight world title against undefeated mandatory challenger Egidijus “Mean Machine” Kavaliauskas Saturday, December 14 at Madison Square Garden as part of a special ESPN-televised tripleheader that will immediately follow the 2019 Heisman Trophy Presentation (9 p.m. ET/6 p.m. PT). ESPN Deportes will provide the Spanish-language telecast. The triple-header on ESPN and ESPN Deportes will also feature IBF lightweight world champion Richard “RC” Commey defending his title against human highlight film and Brooklyn native Teofimo Lopez. Additionally, in the 10-round featherweight special attraction, Irish sensation and New York fan favorite Michael “Mick” Conlan will battle unbeaten Russian Vladimir Nikitin in a rematch of their highly controversial 2016 Olympic quarterfinal bout. Promoted by Top Rank, in association with DiBella Entertainment and MTK Global, tickets priced at $506, $306, $206, $106 and $56 (not including applicable fees) go on sale Friday, October 18 at 12 p.m. ET and can be purchased at the Madison Square Garden Box Office, all Ticketmaster outlets, Ticketmaster charge by phone (866-858-0008) and online at www.ticketmaster.com or www.MSG.com. The undercard, with fights to be announced in the coming weeks, will stream exclusively on ESPN+, the leading multi-sport streaming service, starting at 6 p.m. ET/3 p.m. PT. “This is the best fight card of the year, and Madison Square Garden is a fitting venue for what will be a special night,” said Top Rank chairman Bob Arum. “Terence Crawford is a generational talent, but he’ll have his hands full against the ‘Mean Machine.’ Teofimo Lopez is taking a giant step up against Commey, and it will be a tremendous fight. Mick Conlan has been asking for Nikitin since the day he signed with Top Rank. He finally gets his wish, and I know he wants to correct the tremendous injustice of the Rio Olympics.” “Egidijus Kavaliauskas is a two-time Olympian and I can’t take him lightly,” Crawford said. “He’s got everything to gain and nothing to lose and that makes him dangerous. I never overlook any opponent, and this will be no exception. I’ll be ready for anything and everything he brings on December 14 when I return to my second home, Madison Square Garden, and live on ESPN.” “I have prepared my whole boxing career for a fight of this magnitude,” Kavaliauskas said. “Terence Crawford is an excellent fighter, but I fear no man. Nobody has seen the best of the ‘Mean Machine’ yet. I am going to shock a lot of people on December 14, but it won’t be a surprise to me. I earned this title shot. It is my time.” Crawford (35-0, 26 KOs), the pride of Omaha, Nebraska, has been impeccable since turning professional, winning world titles in three weight classes and unifying all four major world titles at super lightweight. He is 13-0 with 10 knockouts in world title bouts and has knocked out his last six opponents, including Olympic gold medalist Felix Diaz, bitter rival Jose Benavidez Jr. and Manny Pacquiao conqueror Jeff “The Hornet” Horn. In his last bout, April 20 at Madison Square Garden, Crawford neutralized former unified super lightweight world champion Amir “King” Khan en route to a sixth-round TKO after Khan could not continue following a low blow. Kavaliauskas (21-0-1, 17 KOs) will be the fourth undefeated fighter Crawford has faced in his last five bouts. A native of Kaunas, Lithuania, Kavaliauskas represented his homeland at the 2008 and 2012 Olympics, rising the professional ranks with convincing victories over perennial contenders Juan Carlos Abreu and Roberto Arriaza. Kavaliauskas has a February 2018 TKO win over David Avanesyan, who is now the current European welterweight champion. He has never been knocked down as a pro or amateur and trains out of the famed Boxing Laboratory in Oxnard, California. Commey (29-2, 24 KOs) has had a career year, winning the vacant IBF lightweight title February 2 in Frisco, Texas with a devastating second-round TKO over Isa Chaniev. He defended the belt June 29, knocking down former lightweight world champion Ray Beltran down four times before stopping him in the eighth round. A native of, Accra, Ghana, he has won four in a row by knockout. Lopez (14-0, 11 KOs), at 22 years old, is one of boxing’s budding superstars a big-punching, big-talking fighter who has become the sport’s latest viral sensation. His post-fight Fortnite celebrations and backflips are the exclamation point to his highlight-reel knockouts. He fought last year on the post-Heisman Trophy celebration telecast, knocking out Mason Menard in 44 seconds and then putting on the jersey of Heisman winner Kyler Murray. Lopez is 3-0 in 2019, most recently prevailing via 12-round decision July 19 over Japanese veteran Masayoshi Nakatani in a title eliminator. "I'm very excited to fight at the Mecca of Boxing, Madison Square Garden, in my second world title defense against Teofimo Lopez,” Commey said. “My lifelong dream of becoming a world champion became a reality through many years of hard work in my homeland of Ghana through the UK, Europe and finally in the United States. I want to thank everyone on my team for making this possible. On December 14, I will put on another spectacular performance in defending my world title for my fans in the arena and those watching on ESPN and around the world." “Richard has fought all over the world for many years to achieve his lifelong dream of not only becoming a true world champion, but also becoming a boxing star, and on December 14 against Teofimo Lopez, I believe that he will successfully defend his title for the second time in spectacular fashion,” said Lou DiBella, Commey’s promoter. “I’m finally back at Madison Square Garden, the place where I always wanted to win my first world title,” Lopez said. “I believe this fight will shut up all of the critics and prove to everyone that I back up my talking in the ring. I respect Commey as a champion, but when we’re in that ring, it’s going to be lights out for him. Come December 14, I am officially taking over the lightweight division.” Conlan (12-0, 7 KOs), who is ranked in the top 10 as a featherweight by three of the major sanctioning organizations, is looking to avenge the final, and most controversial loss, of his amateur career. With a semifinal berth — and a guaranteed Olympic medal — on the line, Nikitin was the beneficiary of a decision most experts believe Conlan deserved. The indelible image of the Rio Olympics was Conlan’s double middle-finger salute to the judges. Conlan’s disappointment motivated him for what has been a flawless professional campaign. A proven ticket-seller at Madison Square Garden thanks to his annual St. Patrick’s Day appearances, Conlan is coming off a rousing TKO win over Diego Alberto Ruiz on August 3 in front of 10,000 hometown fans at Belfast’s Falls Park. Nikitin (3-0, 0 KOs) did not turn pro immediately following the 2016 Olympics, electing to fight as an amateur throughout 2017. He signed a professional contract in 2018 with Top Rank, in large part because he wanted to face Conlan as a pro. Nikitin’s come-forward style has translated to the pro ranks, as he’s won a trio of decisions. He has fought on the same card as Conlan twice as a professional. The message was clear: Conlan and Nikitin were destined to meet again. They were supposed to fight August 3 at Falls Park, but Nikitin suffered a torn biceps in training. "I'm beyond excited to fight for the sixth time in my favorite venue in the world, the Mecca of Boxing, Madison Square Garden,” Conlan said. “The boxing fans in New York City have been incredibly supportive of my career, and I look forward to putting on another great show for them, as well as my Irish fans coming over for this massive holiday event. "Vladimir Nikitin and I have unfinished business from the 2016 Olympics, and I can't wait until December 14 to set the record straight." “Michael Conlan has done a lot of talking about me and our Olympic fight over the last few years. The talking finally ends December 14,” Nikitin said. “He’s bitter over our last fight and can’t accept the result. Well, my hand will be raised once again.”

#HF #Terence Crawford #Teofimo Lopez #Richard Commey #Top Rank Boxing

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torentialtribute · 5 years ago

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The Open 2019: Tell Brooks Koepka he can’t do something and he’ll prove you wrong

One of the men behind the machine has a funny story to tell about a time that life is a bit

It was 2014 and the American had arrived at a pub in Ascot to dine with Pete Cowen, a Yorkshireman in his sixties with the fine reputation for coaching elite golfers and an equally distinguished record talking bluntly.

Earlier that day, together with Koepka & # 39; s caddy, Ricky Elliott, they went to Wentworth to see if Cowen would be the right man to play the short game of a ranked player outside the top 40 of the to improve the world. After Cowen had a challenge to make a few bunker shots, it was time to eat.

Brooks Koepka wins majors for fun will prove you wrong if you say he can't do anything. "

Brooks Koepka wins majors for fun, and will

<img id =" i-34bd23cafc0136c0 "src =" https://i.dailymail.co .uk / 1s / 2019/07/16/20 / 16130944-0-image-m-24_1563306221322.jpg "height =" 655 "width =" 634 "alt =" He is a hot tip to win The Open, which Friday starts at Royal Portrush in Northern Ireland "

<img id =" i-34bd23cafc0136c0 "src =" https://ift.tt/2jQyJnN -image-m-24_1563306221322.jpg "height =" 655 "width =" 634 "alt =" He is a hot tip to win The Open, which starts Friday at Royal Portrush in Northern Ireland "

Cowen takes over the story. & # 39; This pub was very nice & # 39 ;, he tells Sportsmail . & # 39; Lovely place. Anyway, I entered it first, I got a table for us and I wait for Brooks, in which he walks back, hat goes, and goes to the toilet.

& When he returns, I say: "See that attractive bar girl there? She asked about you. & # 39; Brooks now has this little smile. "Oh yeah?" He goes, so I said to him: "Yes, she said you look like a tw-e in that hat."

& # 39; He looks at me strangely and asks: & # 39; What is a tw * t? "Bloody hell. Americans. So I'm going," It's a cool guy, Brooks, a cool guy. "

& # 39; The funny thing is that not many people know this, but now we have a WhatsApp group – me, Brooks and Ricky – it's called TWTH, for Tw * t With The Hat. & # 39;

Five years later, with Brooks Koepka back in Britain in pursuit of a fifth main title in 10 starts, perhaps the most deadly big-game hunter since Tiger Woods can probably get away with wearing of his hat in any way he wants.

The rise of Koepka was remarkable, as the public indifference was in response, if you took his word, maybe I am right: maybe I will not get the full credit that I deserved it. But maybe he doesn't even want it. Maybe, and just maybe, he's exactly where he wants to be – the best golfer in the world by a street, but with just enough of a sense of injustice to feed his stay to

Indeed, if you have the ancient art of taking a snub – real or imagined – under the knee and it turned into gold, then it is the great man from Florida with a huge game. It is a recurring theme in the story of how he became the best golfer in the world

The American star watches during the practice round of the 148th Open Championship the practice round for the 148th Open Championship "

The American star watches during the practice round for the 148th Open Championship

While the 29-year-old is getting ready to enter the Open in To play Portrush this week, members of his inner circle share parts of that story with Sportsmail – from the bloodline to the armed bandits to the Bollocking to the bet.

& # 39; Believe me & # 39 ;, says Cowen, & # 39; anyone who thinks this guy is boring is wrong. Very wrong. That game face he shows hides a lot.

Koepka & # 39; s story starts with genetics and a car accident, his great uncle, as is known was Dick Groat, who played basketball in the NBA in the 1950s and then twice won the World Series of baseball in the 1960s.

But golf was always the most natural destination at home in Florida with his sports-possessed father, Bob Koepka, who did odd jobs on the course in Pennsylvania that Groat bought.

Koepka Sr reached scratch without a lesson and the two of them, Brooks, his eldest of two sons, had plastic clubs. He was decent, but golf only became Koepka's focus until he was 10, when his babysitter's car was hit at a crossroads and he broke his nose. Golf course Okeeheelee of West Palm Beach.

<img id = "i-765592a0802c93ed" src = "https://ift.tt/2jQyUiX -0-image-a-19_1563305980153.jpg "height =" 423 "width =" 634 "alt =" Koepka has been working hard on The Open because he is looking forward to adding another big win

Koepka was working hard for The Open while looking to add another important victory

When he was 11, he was on his high school team and at the age of 13 he had finished his father's five-year series at the Sherbrooke club championship and I finally beat Bob.

I wanted to go to the University of Florida but their coach Buddy Alexander never tried to recruit him, so he ended up in the state Bob Koepka tended to remind his son of the crazy man on the way to a triple all-American. psychological pattern established. & # 39; The thing about Brooks, if you tell him he can't do something, you light a fire in that guy & # 39 ;, tells Joey Diovisalvi Sportsmail .

Since 2016, Diovisalvi is the physical person trainer behind the golfer, credited with one of the strongest and biggest hits on tour. & # 39; You say he can't handle something, he'll prove you wrong. Spectacular. & # 39;

By the time Koepka became a professional in 2012, without ever having made the American Walker Cup team for his best amateurs, many did not think he had the challenge to rule the golf world.

The second level of European golf, the Challenge Tour, is not the typical starting point for American pros, but Koepka had failed to get through qualifying schools for the PGA tour and European tour.

Ricky Elliott (right), Koepka & # 39; s caddy, checks the scorecard during a practice round on Tuesday "

(), The caddy of Koepka, controls the scorecard during a practice session and checks out the scorecard during a practice session lap on Tuesday

He bounced between outposts of Kazakhstan to Portugal to Finland in shared rental cars, winning four times in a period of two years that described the happiest time in his career

& # 39; He was even then a huge hitter & # 39 ;, said George Murray, a 10-year veteran of the European Tour. & # 39; He would hit six irons in par 5s and you think, & # 39; OK then. & # 39;

& # 39; There would be tournaments where he would win with 10 shots.

Murray was in a taxi in Kenya with Koepka during the most surreal. I did not say you could immediately see that he would be the world episode of the career of both men when they were mid-night by an armed man were stopped at a gas station.

& # 39; I don't like to talk about it & # 39 ;, Murray says. & # 39; I was on a flight from South Africa and we were in the taxi days. Murray, a fishmonger since his retirement in 2016, adds: & # 39; I think someone would. & # 39; & # 39;

Murray, a fishmonger since his retirement in 2016, adds: & # 39; I think someone would say that Brooks has done very well for himself since then. "

The CV shows that he was US Open winner in 2017, US Open and PGA Championship winner in 2018 and PGA Championship winner again in 2019. The player with only one European Tour victory and two regular titles on the PGA Tour has disappeared 4-11-1-6 -13-1-39-1-2-1-2 in its last 11 majors, when it matters most, it appears, but why?

Pete Cowen believes a decisive moment came with a loud conversation before the breakthrough of Koepka at the US Open in Erin Hills 2017.

<img id = "i-ee937e00b6e93087 "src =" https://ift.tt/2jQyUPZ "height =" 423 "width =" 634 "alt = "Koepka is a big driver of the ball and his short game always keeps under pressure a big driver of the ball and his short game always keeps under pressure"

Koepka is a big driver of the ball and his short game is always also under pressure

His game has always had strong components – he strikes it a mile and his game under pressure – but mentally, Koepka, who now and then his flat is mocked disposition, used to slip into destructive funks on the course. & # 39; Everyone thinks he has been empty all his life – no chance & # 39 ;, says Cowen. & # 39; He was right before

& # 39; I gave him the fun of his life before he won the US Open. He was constantly complaining all week before in Memphis, "Oh, poor me, why am I left second?"

& # 39; I said to him: & # 39; You have to have the attitude of a champion, you have to enjoy adversity a bit, see it as a challenge. "It is as if he was shocked, so spoken to him. But the penny dropped. I signed the flag after winning the US Open and gave it to me.

Cowen, who among others Rory McIlroy, Sergio Garcia and Henrik Stenson has coached, adds: & # 39; Funny to Brooks, you challenge him, & # 39; he replied.]

& # 39; Now he is the quietest man in a major and that is massive, he has a setback, he forgets.

Diovisalvi, the physical trainer of Koepka, has been manipulating the American competition since 2016, when he first started squatting in the top 20.

& # 39; When he first came to me, he was immediately finished, & # 39; How can you help me take the next step? & # 39;

& # 39; It helps that he changes the way to pro-golfer looks

& # 39; But his gift is intensity and hard work. & # 39;

His tr ainingspartner and good friend is Dustin Johnson, the world No. 2. & # 39; You can imagine how we play them against each other & # 39 ;, says Diovisalvi. & # 39; They will try to outdo the other.

<img id = "i-ba8b194b69abe08b" src = "https://ift.tt/2jQyVn1 -0-image-a-22_1563306049304.jpg "height =" 423 "width =" 634 "alt =" Koepka has never finished in the top five of The Open, but that can change to the top five of The Open this weekend but that can change this weekend "

Koepka never finished in the top five of The Open but that can change this weekend

& # 39; With Brooks you have to understand its intensity. I go to training for seven days in a row, have a Monday every now and then and start seven more. He lives for it. I'm not sure if people outside see the passion we see with this man. & # 39;

Diovisalvi has a story of the Sunday morning prior to Koepka's final round at the 2017 US Open. in the gym and then I have this crazy idea, & # 39; says Diovisalvi. & # 39; He decides a few hours before he is about to set his own record at 225 pounds and 15 repetitions on the bench press. I thought, "Brooks, what?" And he says, "I know my limits, buddy." Well, if he will be like that …

& suddenly we all start with betting and he goes for it. At this point you should know the funny thing about Brooks – you have this big mammoth of a man, but when his body collapses, he makes this high squeaky sound. Every time again. So he squeaks and gets up to 15. Incredible sight.

I won that bet and then won the US Open.

It is the common thread in his story, from lecture to world beater.

But it seems reasonable to assume that those thoughts and irritations have been key factors in the storm that has swept over the past two years

This week it's blowing in Northern Ireland and the Open Championship, where Koepka never finished in the top five.

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#The Open 2019: Tell Brooks Koepka he can’t do something and he’ll prove you wrong"

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trendsvacuum · 6 years ago

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Top 6 Best Handheld Vacuums You Shouldn’T Miss

If you are at the very first step of moving out of your parents’ house and start a new independent life, so congratulation. There is a lot of stuff you need to buy to décor and clean your house. And a handheld vacuum is one of them. The handheld vacuum is considered a must-have item for all housewives. Simply because it allows you are keeping your house clean and clear without any effort.

As many of you have already asked and request me to jot down the best handheld vacuum list. So today, after a long time of research and trial, below are what I found. Let’s jump in.

[wpsm_comparison_table id=”9″ class=”center-table-align”]

What are handheld vacuums?

Handheld vacuums are actually a portable and compact version of traditional vacuum cleaners. They are in charge of cleaning all small – sized and large – sized stuff in your apartment, office, etc. Because of their small size, they come with their own advantages and disadvantages.

Considerations before purchasing a handheld vacuum

There is a bunch of considerations which should be made before making a purchase. Below are several factors you should think carefully to pick up the desired handheld vacuum.

Your Specific Purpose

Normally, there are 2 main purposes for buying a handheld vacuum. Firstly, people tend to use it to clean the vehicle. So before making a purchase, just ask yourself that will I frequently clean my car. If the answer is yes, then buy it. Secondly, if you breed a pet shedding a lot of hair, a handheld vacuum is also needed. So remember to make clear your purpose.

Handle Dry or Wet Debris?

There are a couple of handheld vacuum cleaners the in the market which is able to clean both dry and wet debris. So if you decide on buying a multi-function vacuum, make sure that you have a sufficient power suction.

Corded or cordless?

It is the most common that every purchaser considers. Both types have their pros and cons.

A corded vacuum doesn’t require charging. However, it is less transportable. While a cordless vacuum can be carried around and battery powered.

Top 6 best handheld vacuums in 2018

Below are the top 6 best handheld vacuum list that I took time and effort to pick up. Hope you find it useful.

1. AEG AG71a RapidClean Stair and Car

For those are seeking for the best handheld vacuum for stairs, this product is exclusively produced for you. AEG AG71a RapidClean is no longer a strange brand to all housewives in America due to its impressive performance.

AEG AG71a is a 700W – corded handheld cleaner with a crevice nozzle and built-in stretch hose. The crevice tool and stretch hose are responsible for helping you get into hard – to –reach and tricky areas. In order to deliver a spotless carpet, this product is engineered a “Stubborn Brush” visor. Even though possessing a compact design, it is proficient in dual functions: both stair and car cleaning.

Normally, cleaning tricky areas will drive all housewives crazy. But this wonderful machine makes the house chore easy as a pie. It is specially designed for hard – to – do tasks such as cleaning cars interior’s contours, upholstery, dark sides. It’s 2 – layer microfiber filter will absolutely eliminate all particles no matter how small they are.

Everything has its pros and cons, and this applicant isn’t an exception. Its only drawback is that it doesn’t come with great portability compared to its competitors.

In short, this is worth – every – penny product which suits cleaning stairs and car interiors. If you are a car owner and living in a duplex house, then AEG AG71a is definitely your must-have item.

Product name: AEG AG71a RapidClean Stair and Car Brand: AEG Model: AG71A Item Weight: 2.59 Kg Product Dimensions: 18 x 20 x 40 cm Special Features: bagless-cord, bagless, cord Voltage: 220 volts Wattage: 700 watts Warranty: 1 Year Limited

[joomdev-wpc-pros-cons disable_title=”yes” title=”Product Name…” button_text=”Buy $45.99 @Amazon” disable_button=”no” button_link=”https://amzn.to/2OhXHGE” button_link_target=”__blank” button_rel_attr=”nofollow”][joomdev-wpc-pros]

Pros

It comes with a large cord storage.

It is lightweight, compact and easy to use.

It performs well, especially when cleaning the stairs.

It has a long cord and powerful suction.

[/joomdev-wpc-pros][joomdev-wpc-cons]

Cons

It has poor portability compared to other handheld cleaners.

[/joomdev-wpc-cons][/joomdev-wpc-pros-cons]

2. Black + Decker Lithium Compact Pivot

The Black + Decker is always my all – time favorite brand as it provides stylish and high – performed products. Like many other machines of Black + Decker, this Black + Decker Lithium Compact Pivot will never let you down.

The Black + Decker Lithium Compact Pivot makes use of lithium-ion batteries. As a result, it is lighter, more convenient to hold and provides great performance. Especially, this product’s batteries are smartly designed, it is always ready to use even there isn’t self – discharge. Moreover, thanks to its lightweight feature, cleaning the house isn’t as tired as before.

One more key feature that I sure you will definitely love is it has noise and motor reducing design. It operates pretty quietly so you won’t interrupt your house while vacuuming. Also, The Black + Decker use eco-smart charge technology, so it only takes 4 hours to be fully charged. This model is beneficial in saving power and protecting the battery.

Its compact, sleek package and high performance make it the most preferred cordless handheld vacuum. It has been set up the motor in the interior of the filter, making this machine stylish while still performing well.

In addition, this small – sized model could thread its way to clean awkward, narrow and dark side areas. If you are raising a pet, this Black + Decker will become an indispensable part of your life. You can easily clean pet hair without any effort.

However, this little cute model still has a few cons. Firstly, compared to normal cordless vacuum cleaners, this model is a bit loud. Secondly, its runtime is comparatively short, just around 10 minutes.

In conclusion, The Black + Decker Lithium Compact Pivot is a perfect combination of performance and price. It is the best choice for those looking for a durable and high – performed cordless handheld vacuum.

Product name: Black + Decker Lithium Compact Pivot Product Dimensions: 11.1 x 6 x 7 inches Item Weight: 4.95 pounds Manufacturer: Black and Decker Item model number: PHV1810 Batteries: 1 Lithium ion batteries required. Warranty: 1 Year Limited

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Pros

It is fairly lightweight compared to another handheld vacuum.

It combines perfectly between performance and price.

It allows users to clean deeply without any effort.

Its design is attractive, eye-catching and unique.

It is fast – charging.

[/joomdev-wpc-pros][joomdev-wpc-cons]

Cons

It is a bit loud so it could be inconvenient when you are cleaning late.

The runtime is comparatively short.

[/joomdev-wpc-cons][/joomdev-wpc-pros-cons]

3. Eureka EasyClean Corded Handheld 71B

Look for a speedy and inexpensive corded handheld vacuum; Eureka Easy Clean 71B is your answer. The Eureka Vacuum is one of the most well – known and best seller vacuums on Amazon. This can somehow prove how “hot” and favored this fantastic machine is.

This product delivers a perfect combination of innovation, great usability, and simple to use. It is uniquely designed for multiple purposes. It possesses an effective cleaning head, good suction power, most notably for stairs and hairs. Additionally, it is also provided a handy stretch hose for dark side areas.

It is engineered a revolving brush roll located under the cover combined with the good – functioned suction power. So, getting rid of debris, small sand in carpets, upholstery, flat areas, and stair steps is never that effortless.

Its river visor is an innovative clear plastic cover staying down when vacuuming horizontal surfaces and flipping up when cleaning vertical surfaces. This feature makes it ideal to clean the backs of furniture and stair steps. In my point of view, this machine gave me the most satisfied feeling when doing the house chores.

What is more, its 200 – foot – long cord makes it suitable for tidying car interior. Also, its crevice tool and attached hose allow you to easily clean all the hard – to – reach areas in your car. Last but not least, it is super easy to store unit.

In short, there is nothing wrong with this product so far. I’m really satisfied with my purchase till this point. So I highly recommend this outstanding product to you guys.

Product name: Eureka EasyClean Corded Handheld 71B Product Dimensions: 7 x 15 x 8 inches Item Weight: 4.85 pounds Department: Vacuums Manufacturer: Midea Item model number: 71B Warranty: 1 Year Limited

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Pros

It is super easy to clean stair steps and other tricky areas.

It is extremely suitable for vacuuming car interior.

It delivers easy storage.

It is effective when it comes to clean embedded dirt.

[/joomdev-wpc-pros][joomdev-wpc-cons]

Cons

I have not found any cons so far.

[/joomdev-wpc-cons][/joomdev-wpc-pros-cons]

4. Dyson V7 Car Boat Cord Handheld Vacuum

If you tend to buy a powerful handheld vacuum, so don’t miss out this excellent Dyson V7. Simply because it could tackle all tasked without any difficulties.

Dyson V7 Car + Board Cord-free Handheld Vacuum delivers the most powerful suction among handheld in the market. It also comes with a mini motorized tool excelling at removing small particles, pet hair, and debris from upholstery and carpets.

It is well operated by a 21.6V battery. With a fad-free suction, it could clean flawlessly in its 30-minute runtime. In purpose of extra suction power, the Dyson manufacturer added a boost mode. However, it could reduce the run – time.

In relation to price, to be honest, this product is expensive. Normally, people tend to spend approximately $100 on a vacuum cleaner. But this Dyson V7’s price doubles its competitors in the market.

In conclusion, even though it’s expensive but I still feel satisfied with what it brings to me. In terms of features and performance, I highly adore this model. Frankly speaking, it is the most outstanding handheld vacuum for pet hair. If its price isn’t your main consideration, just by it and it will do the rest for you.

Product name: Dyson V7 Car Boat Cord Product Dimensions: 12.4 x 5.2 x 8.1 inches Item Weight: 3.77 pounds Manufacturer: Dyson Item model number: 231772-01 Batteries: 1 Lithium ion batteries required. Warranty: 1 Year Limited

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Pros

It performs well.

It is small – sized so you could easily carry it.

It is super powerful.

Its runtime is quite long.

[/joomdev-wpc-pros][joomdev-wpc-cons]

Cons

It doesn’t come with a floor head or a rigid tube.

Its price is considerably high.

[/joomdev-wpc-cons][/joomdev-wpc-pros-cons]

5. Armor All 2.5 Gallon Utility Wet/Dry Vacuum

Armor All 2.5 Gallon is one of the most chosen vacuums on Amazon. In my point of view, it is the best handheld vacuum 2018. As I read from Armor All 2.5 Gallon – related customer reports, the majority of users felt happy and rated high scores for this awesome product.

In detail, this machine is portable, lightweight and compact with a top handle. Hence, it is almost effortless to handle. It is provided a 2.5 – gallon polypropylene tank which is big enough to contain dirt, dust, debris, and other contaminants. In addition, a 6 – foot 1.5 – inch hose is big to suck in bigger objects.

What is more, it is super versatile. It could include a couple of useful attachments like deluxe car nozzle, detail brush, crevice tool. Especially, It could effortlessly convert to the blower nozzle. It has both vacuum and blower function, so It is able to handle both dry and wet pickup.

Furthermore, this model is equipped with an auto shut – off feature in order to prevent overflow. It also has a noise diffuser and a built-in air to keep the cleaning sounds at a minimum. Every garden has its weed, and this Armor 2.5 Gallon is not an exception. I found that its power cord isn’t long enough.

In short, Armor 2.5 Gallon is a high – functioned and great – performed handheld vacuum that you shouldn’t miss out. Just give them a try, and I’m pretty sure that you will be addicted to doing the house chores.

Product name: Armor All 2.5 Gallon Utility Wet/Dry Vacuum Part Number: AA255 Item Weight: 7 pounds Product Dimensions: 10.6 x 14.2 x 14.4 inches Item model number: AA255 Color: Orange and black Style: Vacuum Power Source: corded-electric Special Features: Auto shut-off Warranty Description: 2 years

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Pros

It is highly affordable.

It delivers a blower function.

It is powerful enough for light – duty house chores.

It is easy to store, portable, compact and lightweight.

It has sufficient accessory storage.

It is effortless to empty the bin.

It doesn’t require assembly.

[/joomdev-wpc-pros][joomdev-wpc-cons]

Cons

The power cord seems to not be long.

It could utilize a lock mechanism between the hole and the hose to keep them attached.

[/joomdev-wpc-cons][/joomdev-wpc-pros-cons]

6. Fuller Brush Mini Maid Handheld Vacuum

In case you are seeking for a small – sized handheld vacuum with full performance as bigger – sized cleaners, just pick up this Fuller Brush Mini Vacuum.

Fuller Brush Mini Maid Handheld Vacuum possesses a small, cute and simple design. It is provided an ergonomic and comfortable handle which allows you to tidy your floor mats and seats with ease. Interestingly, it goes with a hose so cleaning hard – to – reach areas is no longer a challenging task for sure.

It also has a crevice tool which is in charge of cleaning tight places such as between seats. You can pick up a brush tool to clean small – sized sand, debris and ground – in the dirt. Thanks to this adorable product, it’s hard to leave your car a mess.

The Fuller is extremely lightweight and durable. So purchasing this handheld vacuum is a true bargain. In case, this product gets into trouble; you have 90 days to replace it. Its only drawback is its small capacity. Hence, you need to empty it frequently.

In conclusion, this Fuller Brush Mini Maid Handheld is suitable for car owners as it is easy – to – carry and high – performer. In my point of view, it is the best small – sized handheld vacuum for cars. So if you tend to buy a handheld vacuum to clean your car, I highly recommend this product.

Product name: Fuller Brush Mini Maid Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.2 x 4.8 inches Item Weight: 3.5 pounds Manufacturer: Fuller Brush Co. Item model number: FBMV4 Warranty: 1 Year Limited

[joomdev-wpc-pros-cons disable_title=”yes” title=”Product Name…” button_text=”Buy $29.92 @Amazon” disable_button=”no” button_link=”https://amzn.to/2CVVsYe” button_link_target=”__blank” button_rel_attr=”nofollow”][joomdev-wpc-pros]

Pros

It is lightweight, easy to carry.

Its price is affordable.

It is durable and high – performing.

Its design is cute and attractive to me.

It allows us to clean hard – to – reach places.

[/joomdev-wpc-pros][joomdev-wpc-cons]

Cons

Due to its small size, it couldn’t contain very much dirt.

It has only a 90 – day warranty.

[/joomdev-wpc-cons][/joomdev-wpc-pros-cons]

In conclusion

In conclusion, there are numerous high – quality handheld vacuum cleaners in the market for housewives to pick up. Among the recommended products above, I spend my special love for the AEG AG71 RapidClean. As for me, it possesses a lot of pros, and its design fits my taste. However, when it comes to choosing the best handheld vacuum, usage purpose is the most important factor you should care about.

Hopefully, after reading my article, you could grasp some informative and useful information. More importantly, you could pick up your favorite handheld vacuum. Please click the like and share button if you love my contents. It will be such a big honor and motivation for me to keep up my good work.

Once again, thank you for reading my article. Keep following me and stay tuned as I will come back with tons of fun and interesting contents. Love you to the moon and back.

See more: Top 6 Best Handheld Vacuums You Shouldn’T Miss

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glancecreative · 6 years ago

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10 Amazing Ways you can Pay with your Smartphone

The dream of a mobile wallet revolution is becoming a mainstream reality. As more and more companies release smartphone payment apps, we can all look forward to the days where we can finally kiss goodbye to our physical cards and cash forever. With popular mobile wallet services, you are able to pay back your friends and even transfer money to foreign countries/bank accounts with one touch on your smartphone device. E-commerce apps are raking in all of the business and, there’s a huge market for mobile wallet apps thus making the competition fierce. As there are a ton of features that different apps provide, it can understandably be hard to know which is the best for you. Mobile payment apps is an ever growing industry, and you can find out how to make great profit from it with our guide. In this article, we’ll take a look at some of the most popular and best smartphone payment apps that are available today.

1. Google Pay

Is there anything that Google doesn’t have an app for? Google Pay allows you to send cash to phone numbers and emails. Recipients receive an email requesting them to verify their identity and then the cash is sent directly to their bank account. This extra verification process does take slightly longer compared to other apps that does not require this step, but it’s always nice to know that the money you’re sending over is in safe hands with Google.

2. Chase Mobile

Most big banks have realised that they need to sport a mobile app if they want to stay ahead and in favour with millennial customers as the majority of these customers would prefer not to visit their local branches to use an ATM machine or to make a money transfer. The popular and highly rated app that is Chase Mobile is available for both Android and Apple. Chase (like most apps) authenticates and protects your data by allowing users to use Touch ID (or Face ID if you have the fancy iPhone X) to login to their accounts, which helps to enhance and simplify smartphone payments and transfers making them extremely secure.

3. Venmo

If you haven’t heard of Venmo, where have you been? This relatively new kid on the mobile phone payment block has now reached colloquial status with the younger generation. Spend any time on a college campus and you are bound to hear things like “I’ll Venmo what I owe you for dinner later,” or “Let’s Venmo the drinks bill between us.” Venmo lets you send money using mobile numbers, email addresses and even Facebook accounts.

4. TransferWise

If you have friends around the world that you need to send money to, TransferWise is one of the safest and most convenient ways to do so. Users can enjoy lower fees thanks to some clever currency magic. When you transfer money, the amount doesn’t ever leave the country of origin. Instead, the sum is matched with another in the country of the recipient and it’s sent to them using a domestic rather than a international transfer process.

5. Square Cash

Cash is no longer king, and Square Cash is proving this exact bold statement. While the app may not have the thrills and millennial touches that you get with Venmo’s payment platform, you can still receive money easily, cash out easily and have the money wired instantly to your bank account. There is also the ability to cancel a payment, something that isn’t currently possible with Venmo and the majority of the other apps.

We can all look forward to the days where we can finally kiss goodbye to our physical cards and cash forever.Click To Tweet

6. Tabbed Out

TabbedOut has been developed specifically for the bar and restaurant crowd, allowing patrons to pay with their mobile phone in any establishment that supports the app. You’ll get to see your bill in real time (perfect if you want to avoid the end-of-the-night shock after a few too many tequilas), and you’re given the option of splitting the bill with other members of your party, leaving a tip for the ever-so-great customer service. You can also pay directly from the app. If you enjoy leaving your opinions on the services you’ve received from a restaurant, this app is perfect for you. You’ll be able to build relationships with your favourite restaurants with the option fo leave feedback once you’ve received your bill, providing you with the possibility of earning discounts for the future.

7. LevelUp

LevelUp incorporates technology that allows users to scan QR codes to make payments to businesses. This not only makes payment fast for business’ and customers alike but it also comes with a number of loyalty rewards and programs, helping to maintain customer retention. From unlocking credit after a certain purchase threshold has been reached to receiving new user discounts, there are many great features and rewards that this app has to offer.

8. Square

When it comes to card-reader dongle apps, Square is by far the most impressive and popular within the niche market. Simply by inserting a tiny card reader into the headphone jack of your tablet or smartphone, you can turn your device into a cash register and accept card payments (sorry for the iPhone 7 and above users, the headphone jack is sorely missed). Square Wallet, another feature from Square, allows customers to settle their bill simply by checking-in at the store or establishment via the app itself.

9. Samsung Pay

While it is an Android exclusive, Samsung Pay has a strong following because it is accepted virtually anywhere. Thanks to technology known as Magnetic Secure Transmission, the app allows users to load their debit, credit, loyalty or gift cards to the payment platform so that they can use their smartphone to pay for goods and services. The app allows your phone to mimic the basic features that a physical swipe card would usually provide. What give this app a great advantage over the previously mentioned is the fact that it doesn’t require other businesses endorsing the app for it to work.

10. Apple Pay

Of course, this list wouldn’t be complete without the mighty Apple being featured, and they have certainly taken a huge bite out of the mobile payment industry, helping it to become a mainstream necessity that we pretty much can’t live without. Apple Pay allows users to pay for goods or services with their iPhone and even their Apple Watch. The app itself is secured with Apple’s Touch/Face ID technology and the payment technology is as secure – or in fact, better than – contactless payments that you would usually make with your card. The app acts as a virtual wallet for users, allowing them to store their credit cards, loyalty cards and much more. With its advanced security features, your data is in the most safe and secure hands. You will receive a real-time bill for anything that you purchase so that you know exactly when a payment has gone out. Trust Apple to take something great and make it even better.

The mobile wallet industry has gone through a variety of changes and evolutions throughout the years. But as the industry continues to evolve and embrace the latest technologies, more dedicated consumers will look to mobile payment apps as an essential for most, if not all payments in the future. If you have a brilliant app idea, why not Talk To Us today? You never know, one of your apps could be featured in a list like this!

from Top mobile App Developers in London, award winning development https://thisisglance.com/10-amazing-ways-you-can-pay-with-your-smartphone/

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parisdorris · 7 years ago

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The Best Quit Smoking Hypnosis in Boise, Idaho, ID 83708

youtube

The Best Quit Smoking Hypnosis in Orlando, Florida, FL 32897 is right here, and I have scientific proof! My name is Bruce Townsend. I am a certified hypnotherapist specializing in helping people stop smoking across the nation since 2006.

Our stop smoking hypnosis program has one of the highest success rates in the world, 96.3%, scientifically proven! (I also help people with alcohol or drug abuse).

Click here to see the scientific proof for the success rate.

Lifetime Guarantee for Stop Smoking Hypnosis!

(Call for guarantee details). You can stop smoking without any withdrawal symptoms. I’ve helped hundreds of people stop smoking successfully, so I probably have a pretty good idea of how you feel. Frustrated would be an understatement.

You already know how bad it is for your health. It’s a major cause of cancer, heart disease, emphysema, stroke and many other major diseases. Yet, you want to quit and haven’t been able.

You have probably have tried several different methods to quit. Probably cold turkey, maybe nicotine patches or gum. The gum tasted like crap. The patch was a joke. You were still lighting up while the patch was on. Great! Now you tripled the amount of nicotine going into your body and it didn’t work. You probably had a rash too. Did you know that nicotine gum and patches only have a 10 to 15% success rate? You’re not surprised, right?

The reason that nicotine patches and nicotine gum don’t work is that there is no nicotine addiction. If it was an addiction, the nicotine gum and patches would work 100% of the time, yet they fail miserably.

The Problem isn’t Nicotine Addiction

If you have tried any of these methods to quit, don’t give up hope. You really can quit if you want to, but you should first find out the real reason why you smoke. Here’s a clue. It’s not because of nicotine addiction. We’ll talk about that a bit more.

But realize that after two days of quitting, there is no nicotine left in your body, so if you quit for two days or longer and started smoking again, you can be assured it was not an addiction, but for another reason.

The reason you smoke is that it’s a deeply ingrained behavior pattern, that is, a habit. It’s not your fault because few of us have ever been trained to manage our unconscious mind.

That is what I’ve been trained to do to help you successfully quit. When you finish your hypnosis session with me you are going to remain a successful non-smoker the rest of your life.

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

(877) 400-4800

Advance Hypnosis & NLP 96.3% Success Rate

My success rate proves that this is not only the best stop smoking hypnosis program, but it is the best way to stop smoking period.

I use a very special program of advance stop smoking hypnosis and advanced Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP, to help my clients stop smoking. I back it up with a powerful guarantee. My program was developed in England 20 years ago.

For 10 years, a mastermind group of top hypnotherapists experimented with every technique that they could find for helping people quit smoking. They threw out the mediocre techniques and kept the most effective advanced methods of hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming. They kept refining the program to make it the most effective program in the world.

I’ll be happy to explain how and why my system works so powerfully. In fact, I’ll give you a written service guarantee that if you ever smoke again, it doesn’t matter if it is in two days, two weeks, or two years, that you can have a free back up session and not have to pay again. If my success rate wasn’t so high, I wouldn’t be able to do this and stay in business.

Client Testimonies

I would like to thank Bruce for helping me to quit a drug addiction that I have had for over 30 years. He truly worked a miracle. I had no idea that quitting this lifelong addiction could be so quick, easy and painless. Marie Smith (Marie had a 30-year crack habit and was totally free after one hypnosis session).

I can’t believe it was 2 years March 9th that Dominic and I became nonsmokers with the help of you and Bruce. We have not had any desire or any relapses; it was truly a miracle. Steve and Dominic

“I feel very good and blessed for becoming a non-smoker.” Deborah D.

“I feel great about being a non-smoker and I will live a very long healthy life and see my grandchildren grow to be old. I am also very happy and will not hear people complain of the smell.” Sandra G.

“I feel better that I have saved my life by quitting smoking today.” John P.

“I am so glad I did this! I feel good about myself and feel the tools I learned will make me a non-smoker for the rest of my life. The mind is a powerful machine and learning to use it in a positive manner can be your greatest asset!” Mike H.

“I feel fantastic knowing I will NEVER smoke again!” Roy

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

(877) 400-4800

Free Hypnosis MP3

Now you can learn about the effectiveness of our advanced stop smoking hypnosis program. This download won’t stop your smoking but will show you how natural hypnosis is (scientists say that we all typically go into hypnosis several times per day), discover the answers to hypnosis myths and how this program is the most effective way to stop smoking.

Email your request by using the address below and place “Free stop smoking hypnosis MP3” in the subject line.

FREE Consultation

We are happy to offer a no-risk opportunity to learn more about hypnosis and how it applies to your situation. There is no pressure, and there are no hard sales techniques. Get answers to all your questions regarding stop smoking hypnosis.

(877) 400-4800

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

If you would like to talk to us to learn more, or to book an appointment to stop smoking, call the phone number above. We service all of the United States.

Bruce Townsend

Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Behavior Analyst, Certified Coach, Certified Herbalist

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

(877) 400-4800

[email protected]

The post The Best Quit Smoking Hypnosis in Boise, Idaho, ID 83708 appeared first on How to Stop Smoking in just 1 Hour - Guaranteed.

from How to Stop Smoking in just 1 Hour – Guaranteed http://blog.stopsmokinghour.com/the-best-quit-smoking-hypnosis-in-boise-idaho-id-83708/ source https://blogstopsmokinghour.tumblr.com/post/174371210066

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blogstopsmokinghour · 7 years ago

Text

The Best Quit Smoking Hypnosis in Boise, Idaho, ID 83708

youtube

Our stop smoking hypnosis program has one of the highest success rates in the world, 96.3%, scientifically proven! (I also help people with alcohol or drug abuse).

Click here to see the scientific proof for the success rate.

Lifetime Guarantee for Stop Smoking Hypnosis!

You already know how bad it is for your health. It’s a major cause of cancer, heart disease, emphysema, stroke and many other major diseases. Yet, you want to quit and haven’t been able.

The Problem isn’t Nicotine Addiction

The reason you smoke is that it’s a deeply ingrained behavior pattern, that is, a habit. It’s not your fault because few of us have ever been trained to manage our unconscious mind.

That is what I’ve been trained to do to help you successfully quit. When you finish your hypnosis session with me you are going to remain a successful non-smoker the rest of your life.

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

(877) 400-4800

Advance Hypnosis & NLP 96.3% Success Rate

My success rate proves that this is not only the best stop smoking hypnosis program, but it is the best way to stop smoking period.

Client Testimonies

I can’t believe it was 2 years March 9th that Dominic and I became nonsmokers with the help of you and Bruce. We have not had any desire or any relapses; it was truly a miracle. Steve and Dominic

“I feel very good and blessed for becoming a non-smoker.” Deborah D.

“I feel better that I have saved my life by quitting smoking today.” John P.

“I feel fantastic knowing I will NEVER smoke again!” Roy

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

(877) 400-4800

Free Hypnosis MP3

Email your request by using the address below and place “Free stop smoking hypnosis MP3” in the subject line.

FREE Consultation

(877) 400-4800

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

If you would like to talk to us to learn more, or to book an appointment to stop smoking, call the phone number above. We service all of the United States.

Bruce Townsend

Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Behavior Analyst, Certified Coach, Certified Herbalist

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

(877) 400-4800

[email protected]

The post The Best Quit Smoking Hypnosis in Boise, Idaho, ID 83708 appeared first on How to Stop Smoking in just 1 Hour - Guaranteed.

from How to Stop Smoking in just 1 Hour – Guaranteed http://blog.stopsmokinghour.com/the-best-quit-smoking-hypnosis-in-boise-idaho-id-83708/

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mariongonzales1 · 7 years ago

Text

The Best Quit Smoking Hypnosis in Medimont, Idaho, ID 83842

youtube

Our stop smoking hypnosis program has one of the highest success rates in the world, 96.3%, scientifically proven! (I also help people with alcohol or drug abuse).

Click here to see the scientific proof for the success rate.

Lifetime Guarantee for Stop Smoking Hypnosis!

You already know how bad it is for your health. It’s a major cause of cancer, heart disease, emphysema, stroke and many other major diseases. Yet, you want to quit and haven’t been able.

The Problem isn’t Nicotine Addiction

The reason you smoke is that it’s a deeply ingrained behavior pattern, that is, a habit. It’s not your fault because few of us have ever been trained to manage our unconscious mind.

That is what I’ve been trained to do to help you successfully quit. When you finish your hypnosis session with me you are going to remain a successful non-smoker the rest of your life.

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

(877) 400-4800

Advance Hypnosis & NLP 96.3% Success Rate

My success rate proves that this is not only the best stop smoking hypnosis program, but it is the best way to stop smoking period.

Client Testimonies

I can’t believe it was 2 years March 9th that Dominic and I became nonsmokers with the help of you and Bruce. We have not had any desire or any relapses; it was truly a miracle. Steve and Dominic

“I feel very good and blessed for becoming a non-smoker.” Deborah D.

“I feel better that I have saved my life by quitting smoking today.” John P.

“I feel fantastic knowing I will NEVER smoke again!” Roy

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

(877) 400-4800

Free Hypnosis MP3

Email your request by using the address below and place “Free stop smoking hypnosis MP3” in the subject line.

FREE Consultation

(877) 400-4800

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

If you would like to talk to us to learn more, or to book an appointment to stop smoking, call the phone number above. We service all of the United States.

Bruce Townsend

Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Behavior Analyst, Certified Coach, Certified Herbalist

Call Now for a Free Consultation!

(877) 400-4800

[email protected]

The post The Best Quit Smoking Hypnosis in Medimont, Idaho, ID 83842 appeared first on How to Stop Smoking in just 1 Hour - Guaranteed.

source http://blog.stopsmokinghour.com/the-best-quit-smoking-hypnosis-in-medimont-idaho-id-83842/ source https://blogstopsmokinghour.blogspot.com/2018/05/the-best-quit-smoking-hypnosis-in_31.html

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adambstingus · 7 years ago

Text

Every Halloween, I Have A Story I Like To Tell

I liked Ben, I really did. I mean, he was a nice guy. We had some fun times together in college, messing around the dorm, going to parties, all the dumb shit that college guys do. He was cool and all, but he was a little pretentious. Well, I guess the word he used was artistic. He thought he was real smart, spent a lot of time trying to prove it to everyone. He had his own blog developed to film critiques not the big ones, though. Just little indie productions because nothing else was worth his time. When he got like that, he could be pretty insufferable.

Perhaps the most annoying thing that he did was performance art.

Now, I dont wanna be the guy who says that all performance art is dumb. But yeah, no, all performance art is dumb. Oh, look, youre on display painting a picture of Jesus from your own urine, how original and edgy! Maybe Im a little jaded, but it always seemed so contrived to me. Unfortunately, Ben really loved it. He thought there was something beautiful in art that was physically living and he devoted an embarrassing amount of time to it.

Anyway, I hung out with Ben a few times after college, but we mostly just met up to do some heavy drinking and maybe hit a strip club or two. He considered THAT performance art as well, which was just fine with me, it gave me an excuse to waste some ones. Since we didnt hang out very often, I had a bad feeling when he contacted me about a month before last Halloween.

He called me up at about seven in the morning on a Saturday, which is too early to even consider waking up, in my opinion. I answered in a daze and he started running his mouth like crazy, as though afraid that, if he didnt get it all out at once, he never would.

Mike, hey, Mikey, listen, buddy, I need your help, okay? Okay, okay, Ive got this idea for a performance and, well, its going to be , you know? So good! Its going down on Halloween. Can you come help? Look, Ill even pay you, man. Fifty dollars. So how bout it?

Now, Ive never cared much about Halloween one way or the other, and Im a pretty easy guy. Fifty dollars to probably just sit there and run a fog machine or some bullshit? For the right price, I could even pretend that I wanted to be there. Besides, what else are friends for?

A few days later, he gave me the details. To be honest, I was a little shocked when he sent the email. I know that performance art is intended to be edgy and can sometimes get a little dangerous, but this seemed downright negligent.

Mike:

Thanks for agreeing to do this for me! Ive talked to a few other people, but they werent really comfortable with it, for reasons youll probably be able to figure out. Of course, I understand if you want to back out, but I think you are probably the most reliable person I know. Its really not that big of a deal, Im sure youll agree.

As Im sure youve noticed, vampires have become very prominent in the media as of late. I say vampires because they are beginning to deviate so wildly from the traditional myths that they resemble forest fairies more than anything else. Altruistic? Sparkly? Whiny? Give me a break. We need more Dracula! We need more Carmilla! We need more death, destruction, and blood!

My performance will center on the theme of rebirthing the vampire. For the vampire to be reborn, he must first be buried. To turn peoples attentions back to the myths of old, I will be doing just that: I will be burying the vampire.

I have a group of viewers signed up already to participate in the performance, so you dont need to worry about that. Im going to plant a series of vampire-themed clues around town for them to follow. The clues should be pretty simple, and it will probably take no more than an hour to an hour-and-a-half for them to find me.

Here comes the somewhat controversial part. Essentially, for this performance to have any semblance of meaning, I need to be buried alive. Dont worry, its perfectly safe: I have a buddy from back home who is building me a coffin with a hole in the top. Ill be fixing it with a pipe that will stick an inch or two above the ground. That way, I wont run out of air. Ill also have a few necessities in the coffin in case something happens: food, water, and a flashlight.

Once they arrive at my grave which will be completely vampirized they will be provided with an array of shovels and will bring me back to life, a reincarnation of the true mythological history of vampires.

Here is where you come in. I need you to bury me. In addition, I need you to be my safety net: if they cant find me, if something goes wrong, if I become sick, I need you to be the one to get me out or call the police, if necessary. Ill also need you to decorate my grave, make it really creepy dont worry, Ill send you some blueprints.

I know this is a little stressful and it may take some time for you to decide, but, rest assured, this is a completely safe project. Theres no danger of suffocation and the coffin is sturdy, so its very unlikely that it will collapse. I really just need you there for support and the actual hard work of burying me.

What do you say? Id even be willing to up your pay to a hundred dollars, if thats what you need.

Let me know!

RIP,

Ben

I stared at my screen for a few minutes, completely dumbfounded.

Once I cut through all the bullshit about art and vampires and rebirth, what it came down to was death.

This guy actually wanted me to almost kill him.

I mean, sure, it probably WAS safe. But my mind went over the plan slowly. What if I couldnt get him out in time? One shovel and a pit of dirt wouldnt be a fast job. Furthermore, what if something happened to me?

Before making a decision, I sent him another email asking if he was really sure he was up for this. Of course he knew, he said. And then he said something that would always stick with me.

Art must be a little dangerous, my friend, for it to be real.

A month later, I found myself standing at the foot of a grave. It was six feet deep and perfectly rectangular. Sitting at the bottom was a tapered coffin covered with black lacquer, a white skull painted on the top. In the eye of the skull was a hole just big enough for the PVC pipe. Stenciled underneath was a line from Dracula: Denn die Todten reiten schnell.

I stood there like an idiot, waiting for Ben to show up.

In the end, Id decided to go along with his stupid gig. Ben was a stubborn bastard, and if I didnt help him, someone else would. At least, thats the justification I gave myself. But the real reason was that, deep inside my heart, his words were still echoing.

Id ended up doing a little more work than I had intended. For one, I had to place his stupid clues around the city. It wasnt hard work, but it took some time to get them all in the proper places. Luckily for Ben, they were pretty obvious clues. There was no need to worry that his participants would be unable to find him.

Ben had set up the grave and the coffin a few days prior to Halloween. It was out in the woods just on the outskirts of town, no chance of it being disturbed. Id tried to talk him out of burying it the whole six feet down.

If something happens and I need to get you out fast, what will I do? Cant you put it closer to the surface?

Ben had just shaken his head in exasperation. You just dont get it, do you? It has to be done right. Remember what I told you.

So I shrugged and let him mess around with whatever dumbassery would get him off.

I was just beginning to wonder if I should have brought more beer this promised to be a long night when Ben showed up.

I had to restrain my laughter when I saw his getup. A cheap Dracula costume from Wal-mart had never looked so pathetic, especially when topped off with those cheap plastic fangs. Hed greased his hair back and painted on a widows peak.

I couldnt resist. Wow, seriously, dude?

He gave me a stern look. Its a comment on the commercialization of vampires and horror as we know it today. He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a walkie talkie. Here, take one. The range isnt very far, but my cell phone wont work that far underground. Youll have to stay nearby. Let me know if youre going out of range.

I shrugged and took it. Okay, but you brought your cell just in case, right?

Nah, what good will it do if it doesnt work?

This guys batshit insane, I thought. But he handed me the hundred dollars and, suddenly, it didnt seem to matter anymore.

I helped him into the coffin and shut the lid. He seemed pretty calm if it were me, I knew Id be having a panic attack. I fit the PVC pipe into the hole. It slid in perfectly snug. I climbed out of the coffin and grabbed my shovel, taking one last look at the shiny black peeking out from the dirt.

With a resigned shrug, I started to shovel in the dirt. Okay, well, he asked for this, I thought.

It took almost a full hour to get all the dirt piled in. The PVC pipe was just barely visible over the grave. I piled the earth around it to hide it as well as I could. Then, I set up the rest of the grave: a hideously gothic headstone made of Styrofoam, and cheap Wal-mart flowers. Once it was finally finished, I sat back against a tree and waited.

There was an awful lot of waiting to be done.

Three hours later, his participants still hadnt come.

Hed buzzed in on the walkie talkie a few times, asking if theyd shown up. I continually answered in the negative, wondering how long hed be willing to keep up this charade. He must be getting worried, I thought, staring at my watch. It was already 10 pm and not a soul to be seen.

Hey, Mike? Something must have happened, I dont think theyre coming. Can you get me out of here? Bens voice crackled and faded in and out of the static fuzz. I took another swig of my beer and heaved a sigh.

Of course they werent coming. They were frantically searching for the last clue. My hand crept into my pocket as I felt it folded there, the creases poking at the soft flesh of my palm.

Mike? Are you there? Did you go out of range?

I turned the walkie talkie off. I didnt need it anymore, anyway. Carefully, I picked up a handful of disturbed earth from the top of the makeshift grave. I poured it down the pipe and listened.

I heard the muffled exclamation, the series of expletives. I thought I could hear a thumping sound he must be hitting the top of the coffin. I smiled a little to myself as I poured some more dirt in through the pipe.

Bens struggles got louder and I felt a certain heat rising up in me. Oh, I knew it could be good, but I didnt know it could be good. This was incredible. This was perfect. This was .

Eventually, I grew bored of shoving the earth down into the coffin. I could hear Bens screaming and sobbing reverberating up the pipe. I yanked a handkerchief out of my back pocket and stuffed it inside. I made sure to plug it up good and tight.

It would only be a matter of time, now. Assuming he could regulate his breathing, he could possibly have a few hours. But I knew he was panicking. And that would simply serve to shorten his time.

The pounding grew weaker as I finished my beer. Once I was certain there was no saving him, I went to finish my work.

Ben was right everything really did go off without a hitch. I dont know what I was so worried about.

Id gone to find his lost sheep, the wayward participants who were scrambling in frustration for the last clue. I scolded them for making us wait so long, acted the part of the reluctant friend indulging his lunatic companion. I took them out to the grave. It was now past midnight.

They sat hushed as I gave the stupid speech that Ben had prepared for me. Everything seemed normal Id made sure to stow the rag before anyone could see it.

Friends, foes, and everyone in between. Tonight we gather to resurrect the ancient horror that has plagued mankind for centuries. Its tale, once a gruesome epic of blood and seduction, has become nothing more than commercialized fodder as society has aged. Now, the time has come for the phoenix to burn and rise again. So, too, shall the blood-soaked visage of the vampire! My voice resonated throughout the woods, and the morons in attendance clapped as they all reached for their shovels.

We dug him up in about half an hour. It was much faster work with his host of suckers. It was good that we reached the coffin quickly, because I could barely contain my excitement.

Two of the men opened the coffin and screamed. The women leaned in over the grave to peek as well, full of expectancy. There was something dreadful about the scene, to be sure.

Bens face had gone gray, sprayed over with a few specs of dirt. His hands were bloody, his fingernails pried off. Deep scratches decorated the top of the lid. The men who had opened his tomb dragged him out in a panic, unsure if this was part of the performance or not. A few moments of silent listening at his chest produced no heartbeat. The proclamation was definitive: he was dead.

They screamed. They called the police. They alternatively looked at his body and shielded themselves from its horror, enraptured yet struggling.

They ignored me.

But that was fine. It was fine because they were admiring my work, the work of the artist. Finally, I had been given this opportunity to prove my worth. Finally, I had found my sacrificial lamb. And it had been a rousing success. The heat raging in my body affirmed that much. I didnt even care if I was caught, so long as I could have this moment to hold for the rest of my life.

Ben was right. I should have known a man of principle never lies. And I owe him a debt of gratitude, for realizing the artist within me.

Art must be a little dangerous for it to be real.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/every-halloween-i-have-a-story-i-like-to-tell/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/172357360662

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