#also whats it like being an extrovert
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the only thing scarier than vampire lords/mind flayers/death cults is meeting the in-laws
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion#tavstarion#i feel like he’s good at schmoozing but i’m not sure how much he would actually Enjoy it#he gives me extroverted introvert#being surrounded by a few hundred very pretty wood elves for a weekend is probably quite nice though#he might have a bitch sesh with dorian’s sisters#also i will keep making his outfits cuntier if it kills me#what’s that post about how wyll is the only character you could realistically bring home without disaster
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so did you guys know theres this character called tristan vik disventure camp and
#disventure camp#disventure camp fanart#tristan vik#disventure camp tristan#ghostofsnails#my art#It would be SO tedious to post all of these separately but to be honest ive been dead for so long that i think its just funnier like this#like. yeah. just in case you guys have been wondering what i've been up to.#I have like 2 more i think but i'll give them their own post so i can explain them#ive never hyperfixated on a character like this in my entire life. usually a character hyperfix is super intense and lasts like 2ish weeks.#GUYS ITS BEEN 2+ MONTHS. AND I STILL CANT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR CARTOON GOTH NONBINARY SILLY PERSON#actually fuck you can i write an essay in tags about why i love them. this is tumblr. and whose even gonna read this anyways. fukit we ball#i followed dc kinda casually as a guilty pleasure for a while but i was instantly drawn to tristan when the designs for the s4 cast dropped#i was like You're telling me there's a GOTH who is UPBEAT and isnt designed like a flawless elf TWINK and is NONBINARY? ME FR????#LIKE OHH THE GOTH NB GETS TO LOOK A LITTLE WEIRD. THEY GET TO BE UNCONVENTIONAL. my aesthetic attraction to them goes crazy. vampire style.#i remember when they got revealed people redesigned them to look more generically pretty & it PAINED ME bc it missed the point SO. BADLY.#ik some people find them boring also & even tho i disagree i can see it if u dont rlly care abt alt stuff. but for me the fact theyre so#kind & upbeat & extroverted WHILE being a SUBCULTURAL GOTH is the draw bc while i do get a kick out of the exaggerated depressed goth#stereotype - its not exactly true to life and so seeing a character that looks and acts like me and real goths makes feel so seen and happy#they also capture my desire to have goth friends SO BADLY im projecting on them SO HARD. They are such top tier friend material you guys...#AND THEYRE A FASHION DESIGNER WHICH FEELS SO IN THEME WITH BEING GOTH THAT IT MAKES ME SO JOYOUS AND CRAZY.#its all so funny because im 100x more excited about getting good goth rep than nonbinary rep LMFAOOO but them being nb is SO important too#Not to mention their voice actor is FANTASTIC and elevates them SOOO MUCH. Also the amount the va is obsessed with them fed my obsession -#sooo insanely you guys.... i feed off of other peoples emotional attachments. AND THEIR ACTING FOR TRIS ADDS SO MUCH DEPTH TO THEIR#CHARACTER IF YOU LOOK FOR IT. I COULD LITERALLY WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT TRISTAN YOU GUYS. IM NOT INSANE.#god you guys this is the first time ive ever had a genuine “i feel seen” feeling from a fictional character I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE NOW.#i LOVE NONBINARY PEOPLE EXPRESSING THEMSELVES. I LOVE HOW QUEERNESS AND GOTH CULTURE INTERSECTS AND HOW THATS REPRESENTED IN TRISTAN#THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. AND I KNOW THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE. WHICH JUST MAKES THEM MEAN EVEN MORE TO ME. I LOVE LIFE.#its an endless feedback loop i fear. im trapped in it & loving every second. i will be drawing them until i am in my grave & maybe after.
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#was just thinking abt the concept of lonliness#i have never?? felt it???#i dont even really understand what it would feel like#and i assume there's at least some correlation if not causation between that and being an introvert#but im curious just how common it is and also how ambiverts/extroverts compare#like is lonliness a Universal Human Experience and im just a Special Snowflake or is it one of those hashtag justintroverthings#rollie pollies#my pollies#loneliness poll#this has been an original post
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ester on the brainnnnnn (he/she for the character!!)
#these are lowkey old#i drew these sketches in june in preparations for artfight#just additional outfits and expressions and stuff#I dont really do things like that often but i think i should. it's so fun playing with expressions and fits#and about ester.. i wrote her to be a mysterious character who doesnt talk about herself much#but it's not like oooh he's mysterious because he's quiet ooooohhh because he's shy#no it's more like. she is such an extrovert and likes talking and gossiping with people#and is always very vocal about political and social issues you can talk with her about literally everything!!!#but when you think about him and what you know about his personal life literally nothing comes to mind#and you realise he never really tells you anything about himself despite being so outgoing and talkative#also he's a serial complainer. lol#she'll always find something to nitpick on#also a funfact he is my oldest oc ive had him since i was like 12#my art#original character#oc#drawing#digital art#sketch#oc sketches#facial expressions#dycha za zbycha
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Thank god Sasha was confirmed bisexual, otherwise people would hc her as lesbian solely and exclusively because she's kind of a bitch.
#like it's a stereotype at this point. happy bubbly character HC'd as bi or pan. weird almost alien-esque character HC'd as ace/aro/aroace#skinny depressed sadboi man HC'd as gay. physically stronger taller and more extroverted and confident man HC'd as bisexual#and of course. mean bitch HC'd as a lesbian#i really don't get the ''nice fun and bubbly = bisexual'' stereotype at all#like what does it meannnnn#is it meant to represent how they're more ''open'' to ''more people''??#and lesbians being mean represents ?? idk that they're more ''closed''?#also see how the fanon male gay characters are usually like sad delicate flowers that must be protected and fanon lesbians are#just more ''rough'' somewhat. or at least closed off and cold or distant somehow#''frigid'' is the word that comes to my mind (yikes)#btw I LOVE that Anne and Marcy are characterized as lesbians a lot of the time in this fandom#since they're definitely much more ''soft'' and like cutesy and sweet than big mean Sasha#i love lesbian Anne (extroverted. confident. likes playing matchmaker. super super social. local jock. quite girly when she has the chance)#and I love lesbian Marcy (soft adorable bubbly girl. surprisingly extroverted. VERY hyper. vv energetic. adorable n precious cinnamon roll)#i kinda like the idea of aroace Marcy as someone who clings to her friends so desperately because she sees them drifting away from her#and priorizing other types of relationships (romantic bonds) while she's left alone because THEY were her everything#and she gave her whole heart to them#but they never gave their hearts to her because they were waiting for someone else to give them to. a romantic partner.#something marcy could never be#but I also feel like sometimes the ''weird girl'' thing might give off alien vibes somehow (?) like she just clearly doesn't belong in this#in this world she doesn't belong to this species she doesn't experience what most humans experience#i have mixed feelings on aroace marcy but tbh i don't care enough to like. complain about people who see her that way lol#though I admit I prefer lesbian Marcy a lot more#my posts#btw one hc i really do adore is trans girl Anne. idk if it's ''too stereotypical'' in relation to her like about who she sees in the mirror#i find it so soft and sweet. how she learns to love herself. how she forms a sense of self. trans girl anne my absolute precious#amphibia
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was feeling misplaced guilt about something and it was immediately resolved i'm soo lucky & blessed
#the gist of it is that the bouldering instructor guy was initially pitching group hangs outside of climbing like back in august#then we hooked up.. then he got weird..#then i basically just started organizing group hangs bc i actually wanted to do group hangs and it wasn't just a pretext TO ME#and he did not come to my party#and i was like [having too much empathy] man what if i ruined this potential friend group for him and like swooped in and took control#which ultimately is not really ... myyyy fault..........#but i could also understand that being a bummer from his shoes if he just feels awkward and/or doesn't want to lead me on or WHATEVER#but anyway today he actually invited everyone to a camping trip which is the thing he said he would do for like 5 months#with no follow through#but today we got follow through! and i don't feel like i ruined anything anymore!#happy bd to me!#reading these tags back it's so funny that i ever thought i was an introvert#i'm just a low functioning extrovert
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the heist!mark brainrot is consuming me…, just imagine mark n the viewer meeting for the first time as little kids to shoplift candy or smth together ╥﹏╥
the (brain)rot consumes!! I can relate
my dear anon... LISTEN. I am a big advocate for childhood friends captaineer, it's one of my favourite headcanons, but a childhood friends AU for the heist partners? that's something I hadn't considered until now. and it's adorable. I had to write something for it asap because I was INSPIRED. I hope you enjoy💖 thanks for sparking the idea!
Heist!Mark x reader (not explicitly romantic at all it's more about the friendship in this one) | Words: 1,317
You are in the kitchen of your shared home base, unloading the groceries your heist partner has just bought, when you pick up a bag of sour candies, smiling quietly to yourself. He's always been a fan of them.
Turning the packet in your hands, an old memory drifts to the surface of your mind:
You don't remember exactly how long ago it was, but you couldn't have been much older than maybe ten.
Your father was busy working, and had reluctantly sent you to the store with a small list after you insisted you could handle it on your own.
You slipped the folded piece of paper out of your school bag and scanned the list of items. At the bottom was a note that read, ‘Remember to stay hydrated, kiddo! :)’
You walked around the supermarket collecting the few things on your list and placed them in your trolley. On your way to the checkout, you passed through the candy aisle and slowed to eye the products on display.
‘Aren't you going to get anything?’
Your head perked up, shocked at the sudden voice addressing you.
There was a boy next to you with dark hair, looking at you inquisitively. He seemed to be about your age. He might have even been slightly shorter than you.
You must have been standing here for longer than you realised if it had prompted him to ask you about it.
You shook your head.
‘Why not?’
‘Oh, um. My dad only gave me enough money for what we need,’ you said timidly, showing him the list.
‘Ohh, that's too bad.’ Then, a small yet undeniably mischievous smile appeared on his face. He glanced discreetly up and down the aisle. ‘You know you can just — ’ and he took one of the small packets of candy off the shelf and slipped it swiftly into his pocket.
Your eyes went wide, stunned. Both from the fact that he was suggesting you steal, and at the speed and subtly with which he'd enacted the crime, as if he'd done it dozens of times before, if not more.
‘What are you doing?’ you spoke in a harsh whisper.
‘It's no big deal,’ he said in a lower voice than before, but one that still felt entirely too loud. He slipped another bag into his pocket.
You did not want to associate with this boy any longer.
You pushed your trolley away and towards the checkout, handing your items to the cashier.
You were unhappy to find the boy waiting for you when you exited the store, shopping bag in your hand.
‘What do you want?’ you asked, a little standoffishly, frowning at him.
‘There's no need to be rude,’ he said with a small pout. ‘Y'know, I think I might have seen you at school a few times.’
To your dismay, he followed along as you started walking home. When you pressed him, he simply said, ‘Hey, I'm not following you! I live down this way too, I promise!’
As the two of you walked, he chatted annoyingly by your side. What was more annoying was that you found you didn't mind his presence. You were a quiet kid and you didn't have many friends. Having someone to walk home with you was kind of a nice change of pace.
Just as you thought this, though, you immediately chided yourself mentally. You and him were not friends. You weren't going to be friends. This boy was a criminal and he wasn't even sorry about it.
You frowned in thought.
Oh no, what if he got caught? What if you went to juvenile jail for being an accomplice to theft? What would Dad say? What would Mom say? What if—’
‘Hey, are you listening to me? You haven't responded to anything I'm saying.’
You simply sighed as he pulled you out of your thoughts.
‘Are you still mad about the candy? I told you it's not a big deal.’
You stopped as you realised you were approaching your front door. The journey seemed to have gone a little faster than usual.
‘Really?’ you finally replied in an exasperated tone. ‘That was no big deal for you? That was stealing. Stealing is wrong.’ You couldn't believe you had to spell it out to him.
‘They won't notice a couple tiny bags of candy are gone. My mom says big companies that own supermarkets are greedy. They make loads of money anyway and don't pay enough taxes.’
‘Does your mom know you're a thief?’
‘W- well, no, but-’
‘That’s what I thought.’
He looked a little disheartened.
‘Please don't tell anyone. I'm sorry if I upset you,’ he said quietly, looking down.
You hadn't really expected an apology from someone like him. You sighed again.
‘I won't tell, but don't expect me to just go along with it. And don't act like we're best buds all of a sudden. We don't know each other. You don't even know my name!’
‘Well, what's your name?’
You gave him a slightly surprised look before telling him your name, albeit hesitantly.
‘Look, I have to get going now…’
You fumbled with the shopping bag as you reached into your coat pocket, feeling for the house key, when you suddenly felt something that wasn't there before. It made a crinkling sound beneath your touch.
‘You didn't.’ You pulled the candy out of your pocket. ‘When did you—?’
The boy grinned at you.
‘I thought you could have one of mine.’
‘I don't want your stolen candy!’
‘Judging by how you looked at it earlier, I think you do. And besides, stolen treats taste better!’ he called out, already walking away.
‘Wh- SHH!’ You hoped none of your neighbours had heard.
‘I'm Mark by the way! See ya, buddy!’
You stood outside the front door, dumbfounded.
Finally you let yourself in. Your dad wouldn't be home yet for a while.
You put the shopping away and sat down at your kitchen table, staring at the stolen goods in front of you.
You could try to put it back but… that would be more suspicious.
You figured, the deed had been done. There was nothing you could do now, so you may as well make the most of it.
You tore the edge of the packet and popped one of the candies in your mouth, savouring the sweet and sour combination on your tongue.
Maybe Mark was right. It did taste extra good. But maybe it was just because you'd been craving it.
What a weird kid.
‘Stealing is wrong, huh…?’ you mumble under your breath. You look down at the candy in your hands. It's not the same brand as the one from back then, but you imagine it tastes more or less the same, from what you remember.
Present day Mark is the one to pull you out of your musings.
‘Hey, what's with that face you're making? I know that look, buddy. Are you contemplating your life choices??’
You chuckle softly.
‘Just… got reminded of something. I suppose I got lost in nostalgia for a moment.’
‘Oh yeah? Penny for your thoughts?’
You turn and smile at him.
‘This just made me think of an annoying little boy stealing candy from a supermarket. And his reluctant acquaintance who ended up getting dragged into his antics for the foreseeable future.’
It takes a second for it to click.
‘Ohhhhh.’ You watch as realisation turns to him smiling fondly at the memories, which turns to him snapping his attention to you with a fake-offended look.
You laugh at his expression.
‘Wait, hey! Annoying?!’
‘Mhm.’
‘Excuse you, I was a wonderful, sweet and positively charming child.’
Your laughter rings out in the kitchen, full of mirth, and he shakes his head at you with a familiar lopsided grin, and you are so grateful for the cheeky little boy who approached you that day.
#feels kinda weird calling it candy instead of sweets. but I did it bc they presumably live in america#I'm working on at least two other fics rn but I had to stop everything to write this#I finally submitted a uni thing I've been doing for a while so I felt like I deserved a break#and I sat down and wrote majority of this in one sitting lmao#lmao it ended up being my longest fic to date??? WHAT THE HECK?!#BTW AGAIN. NOT ENCOURAGING STEALING THAT'S BAD DON'T DO IT#also yes y/n's dad is the one the only stan the water man#I hc stan to have been the captain's actual dad so I just went 'wth why not in this universe too?'#I really enjoyed this one#thank you again anon#also. I looked up pictures of young markiplier out of curiosity and to get into the headspace Ig/get a mental image for this#and guys. I highly encourage you to do the same.#HE WAS SUCH A LITTLE GUY🥺#and he looked as cheeky and mischievous as he often does now lolol#that also inspired parts of this haha#I tried to write a young heist!mark in a way that I think? would make sense for him#bit of a kleptomaniac maybe lol#and possibly more seemingly extroverted than I wanted but I had to kick off the interaction somehow#amee writes#a heist with markiplier#ahwm#partners in crime#heist mark x y/n#heist mark x reader#heist mark#markiplier egos#markiplier cu#asks#anonymous#requests
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what press conference is that and what lies is Valentino telling 😭😭😭
I’m always obsessed w the Case - J Lo - Vale pressers bc I feel like Jorge actively dissociates anytime he’s not asked a question (bc he’s already internally mapping out his answers to the next 20 possible questions he could be asked), Casey simmers n stews n hates every second of being there, and Vale is just always having the time of his life
(side note but rly underrated skill of his!! to be able to pretend you actually enjoy the press element!! maybe he’s not pretending, maybe he really is just able to turn it On that often & that easily…but idk I’ve been a longtime f1 fan too & the way Vale is able to make press conferences ~fun, or at least project that he’s having fun during them, is incredibly rare)
((i recognize “underrated” is probably not the right term generally speaking for the guy who is widely recognized as like the greatest showman the sport’s ever had lol. just that i personally underrate it & then am always pleasantly surprised when i watch almost any press conference of his))
(text posts here) this is from aragon 2011, a point in their relationship where quite honestly casey didn't need much of an excuse to give valentino the stink eye
there's not anything in the presser you'd actively expect casey to want to kill valentino with his mind over (beyond valentino's terminal affinity for yapping at anyone in his vicinity in these things). maybe valentino commenting on how fast casey and ducati had been at aragon the last year somehow attracted casey's ire? maybe valentino reiterating he was going to race in japan (a major talking point throughout that year - valentino and jorge had initially been united in launching a bit of a riders' revolt on that issue, including meeting at jorge's motorhome at a time when relations between them were otherwise... uh, frosty; eventually it had been casey and jorge who were the final holdouts, with casey still not willing to 100% commit at aragon)... generally though, I reckon this is mostly just how casey looked at valentino those days
though that reminds me, there's one specific question where, if I were valentino, honestly I'd be tempted to off myself - but somehow it's casey who manages to look quite awkward while valentino just laughs
Q: Different question for you, Casey - any advice for Valentino this weekend? This is where you turned your season around last year. ... Ride faster? CS: Do something drastic, I don't know... (mumbles) [Same for me?]
absolute all timer dynamic idk, look at casey's little nervous tics while valentino is grinning at him
so self-conscious god bless
anyway, here's the presser photo
expression gets gradually more enthusiastic as you move to the right. not reflective of current competitive situation
and yeah I find their different styles of engagement v interesting!! jorge's also gone on a bit of an arc with this over the years... you've got these very early clips where he still needs a translator in the presser (not at all uncommon, dovi for instance was the same) and he's just deeply awkward but also quite enthusiastic, then you get to his first premier class years where... y'know, he's clearly not a natural at this, but he WANTS to be, he WANTS to engage with the process and be charming and all the rest of it... and then by 2011 he's kind of given up. 2010 was great for his career but less great for his popularity, and it's really when you can feel the disillusionment creeping in. he never quite loses that part of himself, still obviously wants to win hearts and minds... but yeah. he's never been particularly up for listening to his peers in these things, but by this point in time he did clearly want to fast forward through these things. default state is zoning out
casey might be a well-known sceptic of any kind of engagement with the public - but he's actually a self-professed people watcher, he likes sitting around quietly observing people. one of my fave lil autobiography nuggets:
I like to think I can read people very well, especially people I get to study a lot, and when I come in during a session to make changes to the bike that is exactly what I am doing. The mechanics might think that because I have got my visor down I'm just sitting there doing nothing but I'm observing everything and I could see they weren't coping well with the pressure of having the big bosses watching over them.
'my mechanics think I'm doing nothing but actually I'm sitting with my visor down secretly observing them' is such a. a deeply funny line, deeply casey line. not sure I'm convinced the mechanics would prefer to know that this is what casey was doing, but there we are. in any case, obviously casey doesn't SAY this but I don't think it's a massive leap to suggest he was doing the same thing in pressers. ofc I enjoy using these photos in text posts because they kinda tell their own story, but I should note that to some extent this is just casey's resting face. like,, if I'm sufficiently motivated obviously I can also make a 'casey doesn't fw dani' version
now admittedly, there are way fewer photos of casey staring at dani and jorge (or indeed anyone else) than there are of him staring at valentino... arguably even in the years where valentino is very much no longer casey's main on-track rival. but like, there's also relatively less photos of casey making heart eyes at those other two guys. whether this genuinely reflects how much staring casey was doing or is just the result of photographer bias (no criticism, I too would be documenting every look casey sends valentino's way) or a combination of the two... who knows. but I DO think that casey was very much committed to studying valentino, including by doing this little staring act in pressers. slightly clashes with his whole 'oh I don't care about my rivals' schtick, but, well, casey's no stranger to a bit of an internal contradiction. so he's quietly studying and quietly judging and quietly seething... LEARNING from the enemy by documenting every last detail of his side profile. or something
and yeah lol massive props to valentino not getting tired of this week in week out. admittedly in pressers specifically he does also frequently entertain himself by choosing the nearest convenient victim to yap at, which both jorge and casey very obviously found an annoying habit at times. (shout out to misano 2016 where jorge and valentino started bickering in the presser and jorge afterwards went HE NEVER SHUTS UP IN THESE THINGS, which, like, wasn't particularly relevant in that specific situation and clearly had just been something he'd been sitting on for years.) both jorge and casey have also actively turned to valentino on at least one occasion in a presser to indicate that they would like him to shut the fuck up - and both times valentino has complied, so theoretically at least they could have put a stop to this. so, y'know, it probably doesn't hurt if you're the type of guy willing to make your own fun in these pressers, even when it comes at the active cost of the sanity of the people around you. beyond that though, yup. I mean it's probably a good attitude to have if that's literally your whole life. I think it's always done valentino a lot of good that he's fundamentally a curious type of bloke who is curious about other people. journalists DO piss him off a lot of the time, but in theory it's a process he likes engaging with because he likes talking and he likes listening. honestly did miracles for the vibes of these things, like the f1 thing is a good point because I sometimes watch motogp pressers these days and go. man. this place could do with a yapper
#pecco and marc studying a speck of dust two metres to each others' right - another hour's worth of footage coming your way in 2025#they don't all need to be extroverts but sometimes maybe SOMEBODY has to be one. like you've gotta get the ball rolling#og 4 aliens very particular vibe in being 'three distinct flavours of socially awkward loner and also valentino rossi'#valentino and casey is such a funny pairing of guys because you can tell they both have a bit of a conflict avoidant streak#while also both absolutely having a temper and being capable of holding some record breaking grudges#and the way this plays out in practise with these two is that they slag each other off but NOT when they're sitting next to each other#like the great thing about casey is that he wants valentino to read everything he says about him but does NOT want to say it to his face#i love that lil clip so much icl....#//#brr brr#heretic tag#wall tag#batsplat responds#mind u 2011 is the absolute nadir of their relationship#i don't want to sound too greedy after the ranch visit but if all three of them ever want to have a meet up.....#still think it's just a conceptually hilarious trio of guys because they're all so deranged in so COMPLETELY different ways#like I kinda have a feel for what the dynamic is like between each side of that triangle but I want to lock the three of them together#as an experiment#'casey and jorge would band togeth-' let me stop you right there. they would not do that
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I went from a shitty job I found on the internet, which I took because nothing else responded, to several companies flinging job opportunities at me
I'm genuinely proud of myself for being able to turn my fate to the best. Two years ago this would've been just daydreaming. Fuck even getting payed as much as I was getting at that shitty job would've been daydreaming!
let it be a reminder to you too. no matter how shitty your life is right now,you can do something about that,you can change that even if it doesn't look like it or you don't believe it. You can survive and thrive even in the worst of conditions and I know that!
If you don't believe in yourself then I will and you better know that🫵💥
#I may be introverted but man can I network like a motherfucker#or well 'network' it's mostly just me standing around and the extrovert being attracted to my presence like a moth to the flame#also it does give you a sorta ego boost when the founder of one of the three biggest companies in the area you wanna work in wants to#personally recommend you#like goddamn oke#it became somewhat obvious what he wanted me to apply as during the lecture#godoframbles#work#job#jobs
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why are these the same couple
#ok. like. guess which ship im talking about here:#Guy is calm and logical but also very obviously deeply traumatized. Autistic/autistic coded and has a lot of friends despite audiences#assuming he’s gonna be an outcast. Also trans/trans coded. introverted but genuinely cares about the people around him and displays#incredible kindness for everyone even though he is low empathy and comes across as an asshole sometimes. very selfless.#Girl(?) is genuinely unhinged and also clearly traumatized. Autistic coded too but its less obvious to audiences. worshipped for her#looks. not really treated like a person or respected at all. obsessed with appearing perfect because thats what everyone expects of her.#extroverted but not really. empathetic and nice but struggles with being earnestly selfless sometimes.#they work as a couple because the guy doesn’t really care what she looks like and just treats her like anyone else would#and she is allowed to actually be herself and unwind around him. which in return makes him start genuinely enjoying her as a close friend.#and they end up being one of the only people who understands the other.#guess. guess which one im describing.#abedison#saiteru
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Yet again overjoyed at how normal Orion seems compared to Tristan. Like yes this is a well adjusted man who was raised in a friendly and loving home and makes rational and good decisions. Haha why do u ask. Haha. (: don't look in the closet haha. (:
#🌌oc tag: orion🌌#And the thing is ITS ALL TRUE#HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN WELL ADJUSTED AND OKAY#BUT NOOO#My boy <3#He's so extroverted and happy and sweet and friendly and normal and well adjusted and. Wait is that a knife he had WHY DOES HE HAVE A#<- plot of star#(I'm simplifying it a lot)#Tristan also has a knife tho. He's just more stabby and less existential about his#Seriously tho he's such a nice normal dude who freezes up completely the moment he sees a corpse of suicide which he should have seen#Hundreds of times before like ofc he's seen them it's the apocalypse#And he's so extroverted and friendly and if you ask him about his past or if he accidentally mentions [redacted] he skips like a broken#Record and ignores that he said anything about anything#He's so normal at the beginning and I just love making him spiral out of his mind as being with Tristan forces him to confront some shit#Like yeah Tristan is fucked up and he's been through fucked up shit and he makes thst pretty clear. No bullshit with him#And Orion is just layers and layers of this precariously balanced lie he's built himself about who he is and what he's seen and his future#So while tristan's breakdowns are predictable and painful they just feel tragic and inevitable#Orion comes crashing down like the fucking twin towers#There are signs!! But my boy goes from like. 3 to 100 VERY fast#Anyways I love him
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I'm so crazy right now, someone help me
#(☆) 。.゚— Victor Grantz#(♡) 。.゚— eli clark#LOOK AT MY BROTHER HE IS SO CUTE LOOK AT HIM LOOK LOOK#PATS HIS HEAD WIWIIWIWW#qnd and and#eli. eli uhm he. he was so sweet with Victor when he arrives to the manor...#everytime someone is new to the manor he is always the first one to look out for them no matter what#trying to make everyone feel comfortable and listen to them...#aough he is so sweet#eli is so nice and handsome I'm gonna die soon#but seeing him and Victor together it just AOIUGJHHGHGHHG#I'M CRYING SO HARD I'M CRYING SO HARD RN#Victor is so nervous around new people and just introvert in general#imagine Eli being so nice to him and then he tells Valentine about this guy who was nice to him ough#or Valentine telling Vic about Eli and he is just calm because he knows Eli is a cool guy#I THINK VIC IS LIKE. TOO SHY TO TALK TO HIM BUT STILL THINKS HE IS COOL AND HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO HIM HE JUST#I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN#maybe he would like to be close to him and be friends but he is too shy wiwiwi#valentine going to him with Eli like LOOK LOOK THIS IS MY BROTHER#AND MAKES THEM SHAKE HANDS#and Victor looks at Valentine like mmm mhmmmm 👀 he already knows man#maybe the first months Valentine talked about Eli he didn't pay much attention to it but he was happy he had a friend#also because outside the manor#even when Valentine is so kind to everyone and extrovert. he didn't any real friends since he was focused on college#(when he was in college) and then always busy at the train station#I have so many things in my mind oughh#I love how Eli looks when he smiles#ALSO. LOOK AT ANDY AND VIC AOUGHHH#I ALREADY REACH THE LIMIT DOR TAGS HELOME#🕳️ // blah blah
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cookies sad hour whining hour ignore me (<- actually loves attention)
#i'm sad because i wish people would message me first more#i'm always the person who messages first#but when other people send me messages it makes me feel like oh you actually like talking to me and wanted to reach out and talk to me and#are giving me attention without me messaging first#i am a person who needs a lot of attention#and i don't mind asking for it bc i'm the kind of person who says what i want and need#but i get really sad at it sometimes because#when i'm feeling depressed or anxious then i isolate myself and if other people were to reach out to me first more then it would be less#likely to happen#like i even just want people to check in on me every now and then. ask me how i'm feeling if i've mentioned going through a depressive#episode#or whatever mental troubles#idk why i'm feeling so emotional about this suddenly#like i don't mind messaging people first but i guess when it comes to me struggling badly then i WISH people would message me to ask me#how i'm doing#@ all my friends reading this i am not upset at anyone at all btw i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert#almost no one messages me first which is whatever cuz i'm chatty and used to initiating conversations but i guess it also makes me sad#i dont ask people to because i'm not about to force people to be doing something that is uncomfortable for them#i do ask people to check in on me though if they know i'm having an episode#idk if it rly happens though#i just sometimes fear that if i stopped pulling my weight in relationships due to a mental health crisis that all of my friendships will di#because i'm the one who initiates everything#again i'm not upset at anyone i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert#vent#you can heart this or reply or whatever idc but rbs are off for obvious reasons
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Daily Log 2
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Much less than yesterday, felt sick and sleepy so barely got anything done. It was also warmer inside today.. Very much dreading summer. I still feel like the people who ~~ love warm weather sooo much~~ must also have central heating and air and are able to escape the warmth, or at least have cool airy houses where they can get cross breezes or something.. I just fail to see how ANYONE could enjoy sweating all day because it's like 75F indoors, etc. grrbb,,, the headaches, sleepless sweaty nights, constant physical discomfort, etc. The next few days look cloudy and rainy though so.. yEs.. haha HA
Got a new charger for my old 2004 nokia phone so it actually turns on now, and recorded myself going through the ringtones and games. I might add the footage to a currently not fully edited video of me also looking through other electronics (old phones, turbo twist math, etc.). I love old ringtones actually and if I were rich, I would love to collect old phones specifically just to have a catalogue of what they're like and all of the sounds they contain.
Managed to have a tiny burst of energy and take photos of 3 outfits before my arms and shoulder started hurting and I got too warm.
Sent email to one doctor.
Translated like 3 words for the Avirrekava poem thing I mentioned yesterday. My language document is not organized very well at all so I've kind of lost my flow of working on it. I've heard about people making searchable dictionary type things for their conlangs, so I'd like to look more into that maybe. As well as making a custom font, though I don't know if that's more difficult for syllabaries (so wouldn't be directly linkable to a plain english alphabet keyboard?? eh?). Anyway, I need to finish the tapestry/painting thing/etc. soon though since I have no good place to put it. The canvas is warping a little just laying haphazardly on my closet floor lol.
Made one quick mspaint background image for the next batch of song snippet things for my jokey music youtube.
Edited like 10 minutes of the Giant Worldbuilding Slideshow Project.. couldn't focus on that either since being at the computer today irritated my shoulders and arms.
Notable sights: Saw 6 baby ducks and their parents swimming in a nearby pond!! It's interesting how their colors seem to change so much, and the young ones have the little spots on their back. Not much else, I was not very active lol..
Goals moving forward: Still working on consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit pictures, post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks (I thought I would get it done today, but alas.. I don't even have to do much, just proofread and post it, I just keep having no energy/being preoccupied with other things/hurts to be on computer.. grrr.. I want to continue the story lol >:T).
Notable foods: HAD ASPARAGUS YEaaaaaghhhHHHH!!!!!!!!! Asparagus SQUAD!!!!!!!!!! ... Also a few pieces of smoked gouda with lunch, one of my favorite cheeses.
#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public#declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now..#I'm just curious to see if it helps. I know some poeple do diary style stuff or etc. on social media to help with productivity so#worth trying for like a week at least lol#tired and sleepy of being tired and sleepy though. Every day that stuff like chronic health problems or weather or etc.#interfere with me getting stuff done and it's all stuff that I've also had on my todo list for like.. weeks at this point it's like.. oughh#insurmountable tasks ever looming piling upon my shoulderes...#I've been 'supposed to call a lab to shedule blood work' for like a week and a half now and everyday I get the number#out and look at it and just go 'hmm.... sooon...' and then suddenly it's 10pm and I didn't#You Know How It Is Folks. I'm going to write myself a script of exactly what to say and also tape it to my computer screen#Sometimes that helps. lol#I dont' feel like I need a full on caretaker or something at this point but someitmes I do think like.. in a few years with my various#physical and mental issues it would be nice to have a Person Who Functions Normally Socially come visit me like once#every two weeks to help me plan things and make phone calls. Same with creative stuff too though. I bet I'd be doing something creative as#a career by now if I had like. an Assigned Neurotypical Extrovert to network for me and help me navigate things like that bjhbhj#hashtag hermit problems. etc. etc. (not just like 'a little weird and asocial' but like.. 'near complete inability to function in society'#type hermit problems lol..#ANYWAY.. ..#Also fighting the urge to have another personality typing phase. I can feel it creeping up. My 'once every 3 months when I get very#interested in the enneagram and other stuff again' type of thing. distracting myself with worldbuilding paintings instead ghgj#why don't you do a phone call for your blood work first maybe then you can spend 3 hours reading about tritypes or whatever#I have so many interests and hobbies but a handful of Main Ones and they never go away I just seem to take turns with them#Except worldbuilding I think that's always there. Genuinely again.. wish I could find some way to work that into a career. that is the only#thing I could to 1000 hours straight at any time of day under any circumstance. Kidnap me and lock me in a basement and I will be passing#my time thinking about what type of cheese elves make and all the things I'm going to write once I escape captivity ghjhj#EVEYRHTING else though lol.. kind of comes and goes. but can be annoying when it's suddenly the only thing my mind#wants to focus on. BUT yeagh.. ANYWAY... rambling again#daily log
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Wild being called shy because I guess I technically am but also release me into the supermarket and half of the time I can get at least 2 phone numbers and make the cashier laugh
#ghost posts#like I’m insecure and anxious and worried about what people think of me#but also I want to talk to people so bad I’m twitching#but if I do talk to people I’m shaking lol#being an extrovert with anxiety gives me a similar sensation to watching a thriller movie#like I’m having trouble breathing but I must continue
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having some time alone in the hotel this week (which is abt to end bc we’re moving back home tmrrw even though the renovation isn’t finished 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪) and being able to have the bedroom to myself has made me think rebellious thoughts my family would be very offended over. like maybe i listened to less and less music these last few years due in part to the fact that ive spentmore time at home than i used to and i also lived on campus w roommates in a very uncomfortable arrangement and im unable to move freely about the cabin when im living w other ppl whose needs don’t align w mine and so ive just gotten used to not having all of my needs met and always being the person to take the short end of the stick…. but i actually need to be able to sing and dance and draw and do whatever and when im alone (which is almost never) im able to do that and that’s actually legit and as important as anyone else’s needs in a space i share w them. idk if i worded that well but yeah
#like yes it’s definitely that ive been depressed… but maybe that dynamic creates the depression. you know?#purrs#delete later#not to say this bc it’s BLASPHEMOUS but i was also thinking abt this in the context of my bday. i was happiest in the moments where i was ei#either alone (dancing / singing / whatever and doing karaoke w mtself at 2am LOLLLL and just enjoying having peace and quiet and being able#to do what i wanted) or at work (around ppl i choose to be with in a place i choose to be in). any time i was around my family i was#agitated and annoyed and maybe some of it has to do w the renovation and the fact that we were at home for like 4 hrs moving furniture bc of#the renovation but also… maybe it’s just i don’t enjoy spending ng time w them as much as i do other things. like passively spending time at#around them bc there’s ALWAYS noise or conversation or bickering or whatever. and also in part bc i share my bday w my twin sister so its#not actually *my* day it’s ours and we’re lumped together and treated as a unit and my parents have expectations abt that and whatever. idk.#i don’t want to be / sound selfish or ungrateful for my family or whatever bc being a twin has its perks and my family situation could be so#much worse and it’s not like i had a horrible birthday or it wasn’t acknowledged or whatever. but my point is… what if… there will come a#point in my life… where the majority of things i do / people im around / aspects of my environment are things i get to choose or at the very#least have a say in. what if someday my birthday can just be my birthday and not OUR birthday(which again is the evilest most horrible thing#i have ever said in my life i know i know i know but ummmmm being a twin has dealt some significant psychological damage to me and i am#still figuring out how to be an independent person and how to determine who i am outside of the context of that relationship which most ppl#at this age / stage in life have already had years to do). idk what i was saying i lost the thread but basically: i love having alone time#where i am truly alone and i get to sing and dance and make music and eat and whatever without being yelled at or having to be quiet or#getting overstimulated. and that is not to say that i do not appreciate company or would not want to live with other people. i think im#actually kind of an ambivert now where i used to be very extroverted. but i think my biggest thing is choice. i value choice so so so much.#which is ironic in some ways bc here i am not wanting to like mess up the original layout of my acnh island… idk. it’s situational but i thi#think w the big stuff choicemeans so much to me. and i wish that was more okay to my family than it is bc asserting myself and growing into#my independence has been and will continue to be an extremely painful and unpleasant process bc no one is happy w it lol. ok ive been talkin#talking A LOT more than i thought i would and i still have more thoughts but i need to stop and keep packing out the hotel lol. bye#‘being a twin has its perks’ sounds so terrible omg. i meant that like.. it is a gift to be a twin and i love my sister. AND there are parts#of it that fucking suck ass and hopefully those parts will recede once we are living separate lives and have gotten distance from dynamics
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