#also what parent is going to take parenting advice from me? my cat is neurotic

[bonniebird]

Me on my door step quietly to molly to the tune of row your boat: 🎶shake shake shaky baby, we're shaking the baby. Shaky puss cat to get you all clean like a big baby. YAY!🎶

Molly: floppy noodle vibes while being gently shaken and brushed, resting her head on my arm (she tried to come into my clean house COVERED in so many grass clippings she looked green)

My neighbours friend who I'm pretty sure spawned out of thin air: 👹YoU CaN't SaY ShAkE A bAbY. yOuNg MuMs WiLl CoPy YoU aNd ShAKe ThEiR bAbIeS

Me who just had the jump scare of my life: 🙂 wut?

Molly: un noodling and trying to escape so she can bite the lady who just appeared at our garden gate.

My neighbour: I'm so sorry

Me watching them go away while trying to keep hold of Molly: what just happened 😭

[thezodiaczone]

Aries Compatibility

ARIES + ARIES (MARCH 21 - APRIL 19) You're two high-strung, passionate Fire signs who both like to be the Alpha dominant. As such, you'll need to toss the hot potato back and forth, submitting to the other's rule—at times through gritted teeth. Acquiescence may not come naturally, but it builds a necessary trust. Aries is a paradox: you're the zodiac's infant (its first sign) and its gallant hero (you're ruled by warrior Mars). You want to save the world and be saved at the same time. You'll need to occasionally allow yourself to play wounded knight or damsel in distress, and let your mate charge to your rescue. However, don't spiral into neurotic helplessness or analysis paralysis. Nobody can beat a topic to death quite like you can—but that's what therapists are for, Aries. Neither one of you can be saddled with the emotional care and feeding of an adult baby. You're too independent for that. When your problems gain too much mental gravitas, it's time to move—literally. Disperse your Martian angst and anger with lots of physical exertion. As fellow adventurers, you travel well together. Try snowboarding, exotic bike tours, Costa Rican rainforest expeditions. Passionate sex is another antidote to prickly feelings for your high-touch sign. Like Aries Hugh Hefner, you have a champion libido (and an awesome sense of entitlement). Some Aries couples may mutually agree to flex the terms of your monogamy, although the jealousy it stirs might not be worth the trouble.

ARIES + TAURUS (APRIL 20 - MAY 20) The stubborn Bull locks horns with the willful Ram, nostrils flaring, heads bowed in determination. So begins a fierce but fiery courtship, as splashy and menacing as a Pamplona stampede. Aggression, however uncivilized, is part our Darwinian natures. It certainly is for your signs—who possess an arsenal of steamrolling tactics, from doe-eyed charm to old-fashioned philistine strong-arming. No weak-willed mate will survive your natural selection process. Nor should he. Neither one of you feels safe in the arms of a mate who can't protect you. Thus, your initial faceoff is simply a warning shot: Show me your strength so I can trust you. Once the fanfare is over, you make a great team—like British pop royalty Victoria (Aries) and David (Taurus) Beckham.

As tight as two mafiosos, you like to dress up and flaunt your natural superiority over the rest of the animal kingdom. The deal is sweet for both of you. Taurus gets an attractive show pony and a lusty mate to satisfy his Earthy libido. Aries has a lifelong provider and benefactor to supply creative freedom and endless playtime. Issues can arise if Taurus grows too possessive or tries to tame independent Aries. Indulgent Taurus will need to remain active to keep pace with the energetic Ram (read: lay off the nightly steak frites and vino). You both crave attention, but don't go looking for it outside the relationship, unless you want a real showdown. Like two tots in a nursery, you share a favorite word: Mine!

ARIES + GEMINI (MAY 21 - JUNE 20) ♥♥♥♥ You're the best of friends, so why not throw in some benefits? You certainly can…but not so fast. Your common traits are exactly what can snuff the spark before it combusts. Namely: impetuous, reckless, unstoppable drive for instant gratification. You want what you want, and you want it NOW. Sure, the adrenaline you evoke from trading edgy banter, bungee jumping, or playing footsie under the conference table might convince you that you're soulmates. However, this attitude will lead to an inchoate relationship, with the two of you skydiving into City Hall before you even know each other's middle names. It doesn't all come out in the wash, so check that laissez-faire attitude when you're ring shopping on the second date. That said, you do have the makings of a great match that's rooted in true friendship, intellectual chemistry and fun. The key is to pace yourselves and to continuously bring new adventures to the table. Boredom is the enemy; it leads to cat-and-mouse games and mental chess matches with each other. Remain active: get involved in a political campaign, build houses for the poor, take an eco-tour or scuba lessons. Host and attend lots of parties with your mutual friends, and busy yourselves with projects that satisfy your short attention spans. Above all, don't turn to each other for advice, unless you like impatient, tough-love coaching and draining circular conversations. Not exactly the soothsaying your sweetie needs in a rare vulnerable moment.

ARIES + CANCER (JUNE 21 - JULY 22) Aries is the zodiac's baby (its first sign); Cancer is its matriarch, ruling the fourth house of motherhood, home and family. Is this relationship doomed to be an Oedipal cliche? Not if you temper these traits through steady, conscious self-development. Otherwise, you easily lapse into automatic roles that polarize you into a parent-child (or master-and-servant) dynamic. Aries can be selfish—not maliciously, but in a crude, clueless style that leaves Cancer resentful and dismayed at the Ram's lack of nuance. Cancer knows how to play the nurturing giver, but this delicate sign needs room to be vulnerable, too. Aries loves to be coddled, but Cancer's maternal indulgences will create a spoiled brat or a demanding diva. Besides, while the Crab may have a tough outer shell, the true warrior is Aries, ruled by aggressive Mars. Your differences are many: Aries is a diehard independent and Cancer is a family guy; Aries needs freedom, the Crab's possessive grip clings tight. You'll need to compromise, or else the relationship can turn into a competitive, jealous hotbed. You can both brood with the best of them, and your dark days eclipse even the tiniest sliver of hope. Talk about depressing. Swear off the silent treatment and learn to communicate as two adult equals.

ARIES + LEO (JULY 23 - AUGUST 22) Aries and Leo are Fire signs who love drama, passion and extreme adventure. You're a flashy, outspoken duo that plays by your own bold agenda. Restless souls, you need lots of physical and intellectual stimulation—politics, inspiring conversations, startup businesses—you'll juggle them all, making it look so easy. Of course, your emotional meltdowns require a team of therapists and devoted friends to fix, and you should keep those folks on speed dial. Adrenaline is your favorite drug; no surprise Aries Jennifer Garner and Leo Ben Affleck fell in love while co-starring in the action flick Daredevil. Like this Hollywood pair, who refuses to walk the red carpet together on principle, you respect each other's autonomy. Fire signs are by nature independent. You both need to make your own mark on the world, and you don't like anyone stealing your shine. In fact, trouble starts when one of you eclipses the other's big moment or makes the other look foolish in public. Rule number one: don't compete. With your rash tempers, it won't end well. Instead, be each other's biggest fans and champions. As the relationship progresses, put more effort into dressing up, especially if you become parents. Because you're so comfortable together, you could end up bumming around in burp cloths and track suits, dulling the sexy edge that attracted you in the first place.

ARIES + VIRGO (AUGUST 23 - SEPTEMBER 22) The razor's edge between love and hate lives in this common but contradictory coupling. Your attraction feels so fated, it's impossible to resist. Fire-sign Aries loves freedom and risk, but helplessly falls for prudent, parental Virgo, an Earth sign landlocked by practicality and protocol. The tips of Virgo's gossamer wings are singed by Aries' flame—yet, into the fire the Virgin flutters. Both signs have a hero complex, and this relationship centers around fixing each other, or exposing the other to new ways of life. For the first six to twelve months, it's exhilarating. Arduous Aries hand-delivers Virgo's sexual awakening with passion that's tender and all-consuming. Cautious Virgo teaches the impetuous Ram how to slow down, prepare and look both ways before crossing. New facets of your personalities unearth themselves—how lovely! Once the hormone flood is no longer at high tide, however, there are glaring differences to negotiate. Virgo's well-intentioned criticisms feel like a character assault to Aries ("who cares how I fold my T-shirts? I'm still a good person!"). Aries' myopic selfishness makes Virgo feel resentful and unappreciated—especially after hours of listening to the Ram's diatribes with the patience of a paid analyst. At this point, you realize that you've spent way too much time together, and you've lost touch with the outside world. Roll out of bed and reconnect with your individual friends, hobbies and interests. Trust that the other one will be there when you return.

ARIES + LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 22) ♥♥♥♥ You're opposite signs who can match up well, but you sometimes baffle one another, too. Aries rules the self and Libra rules relationships. Libra is a lover; Aries is a fighter. Your polar extremes can be a great complement if you borrow what the other does best. Rash, temperamental Aries could stand to give others the benefit of the doubt, to look before leaping—something the wise Judge does well. Languid, overly accommodating Libra can learn to speak up, say no, and take action instead of pondering the possible consequences for a year. Although your differences can be irritating, they also make you a well-rounded couple if you play them right. When Aries needs to rant, patient Libra offers uninterrupted listening, capped with sage, sensible feedback. In return, Aries helps Libra overcome a mortal fear of conflict, teaching this sign how to stand up for his rights. As parents, or even business partners, you play the good cop/bad cop routine like seasoned pros. Just be willing to adjust your internal thermostats as needed. Hotheaded Aries will need to dial down the anger, lest all that concentrated emotion throw Libra's scales off balance. Erudite Libra will need to descend from that lofty, cultured perch and take a bold risk. (No, Aries does NOT consider ten years a reasonable time to wait for an engagement ring—and never will.) Compromise is essential for you to find a rhythm.

ARIES + SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 - NOVEMBER 21) Aries' ruler, passionate Mars, also wields minor command over Scorpio (whose main overlord is Pluto). Fierce physical attraction draws your signs together, but it's a game of sexual gunpowder and erotic explosives. Not that either of you is afraid of such things. No sign is as darkly intense as watery Scorpio. When mixed with Aries' concentrated fire-power, you stir up quite the hydroelectric charge. However, this match can only last if Scorpio has evolved from a ground-dwelling, vengeful scorpion into an elevated "eagle" state. Here's the fundamental challenge: Aries takes; withholding Scorpio takes away. When Aries reaches out his grasping hand, Scorpio's first instinct is to jump back, which wounds the sensitive Ram. Aries energy is consuming, which leaves Scorpio weak-kneed but scared. Aries will need to temper the raw desire, or at least mask it to avoid overwhelming Scorpio. Jealous Scorpio will need to stop Google-stalking Aries and hiring private detectives whenever the independent Ram goes out for a beer with friends. One way in which you're alike? You're both hyper-sensitized to abandonment, and may even shun each other in a self-protection paradox: "Go away before you leave me." (This tactic only guarantees another hot reunion tryst.) Selfishness can also be this couple's downfall. Scorpio is the sign that rules other people's resources—his karmic job is to create wealth from another man's pocket. Aries is simply born entitled. In a sense, you both live by the credo "What's mine is mine; what's yours is mine." Who will refill the coffers once you empty them?

ARIES + SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21) ♥♥♥♥ Chemistry and simpatico build fast between these two Fire signs, and you find a twin soul in each other. You're both independent explorers, driven by lust, joie de vive and a breathtaking moxie that others mistake for arrogance. That brio and derring-do is the badge of your spiritual kinship—a primal mating call that draws you together. You share a blunt sense of humor, and naturally understand the other's need for space and autonomy (at least at first). Thrilling conversations traipse expansive terrain: philosophy, art, human nature, science, spirituality, dreams. Together, the impossible feels probable, and your natural confidence soars higher. Caution: the view from your rosy lenses can be a bit myopic. Sagittarius is a gambler and Aries is a charging knight—neither thinks far ahead. You'll need crash insurance for the times that your grand schemes don't reach your projections. At moments, you both lapse into overthinking, which can kill the celebratory vibe. Aries also has a greater need to for coddling and personal attention. At times, the Ram may resent competing with Sagittarius' busy career, social schedule and hobbies—and Sagittarius gets impatient with Aries' needy spells. When angered, your burning tempers can raze a national forest to ash. Be careful not to unleash a spiteful spark, for that's all it takes to destroy this treasured landscape.

ARIES + CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 - JANUARY 19) Aries is the Alpha in most relationships, but here the Ram meets his match. In the Goat, Aries finds a more seasoned pack leader, and backs into a rare state of obedience. This weighty respect comes from Capricorn's ruler, wise old Saturn, the planet of maturity, authority and command. Capricorn is the zodiac's father sign; Aries is its firstborn child. It's the difference between a king and a knight, a queen and a duchess. Both are noble, but one is clearly the elder. This can be a dealbreaker for Aries in some cases, as too much paternalism makes this independent sign run for freedom. However, it usually works. Although Aries can be a hellish brat, Capricorn is unruffled and even amused by the tantrums, giving Aries space to act out. If you accept your cosmic roles, you can make excellent partners in both love and business. Aries is ruled by warrior Mars, and Capricorn is a four-star general by nature. You both see life as a battlefield to conquer, and with Aries' grit and Cap's determination, there's no goal you can't achieve. Earthy Capricorn excels at structure and planning, and is the terra firm beneath the Ram's restless hooves. Fiery Aries is a daring playmate who amuses, excites and entertains the sober Goat, especially in the bedroom (where Capricorn has a lesser-known lusty side). Aries is a flirt, and this can spark jealousy in traditional Capricorn. Over time, trust and mutual respect abolish the Goat's fears, and you make supportive lifelong partners.

ARIES + AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 - FEBRUARY 18) ♥♥♥♥ You're laugh-a-minute friends who make a fine comedic duo, but the romance isn't as hearty as your side-splitting guffaws. You're amazed by how quickly the other delivers a hilarious comeback or a clever opinion, and it turns you on. Banter leads you to the bedroom fast, where the sex is playful and experimental (though not heavy on the emotional connection). It's as though you've met your twin; and alas, you may soon feel more like siblings than lovers. After a couple weeks, the Bickersons sideshow routine gets old, especially for Aries, and you run out of things to talk about. While casual Aquarius likes to keep the conversation light, Aries has intense, brooding spells that demand way too much emotional attention. For Aquarius, problems are solved with steely logic or left alone, but Aries is unable to curb obsessive thinking, which drives Aquarius mad. Your styles of affection are different, too. Cool Aquarius gets overwhelmed by the Ram's passion and physicality—there's way too much touching, grabbing and kissing for the airy Aquarian temperament. If you're determined to be together, push yourselves to go beyond platonic borders by traveling, taking classes, even performing on stage together. Closeness breeds more ennui than affection. Cultivate mystery through time apart. Your independent signs need to develop your own lives, then reunite with thrilling tales from the road.

ARIES + PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 - MARCH 20) Aries is the zodiac's first sign, Pisces its last. You're the Alpha and the Omega, the dawn and the sunset. You're as far apart and as close together as two signs can get. Although your differences are vast, you also have a broad expanse of material from which to fashion your relationship. Your polar positions can actually make you a great match. Aries loves to be adored and spoiled, and generous Pisces will give everything in the name of love. In Pisces' worshipful gaze, Aries feels brilliant and boundless, and his insecurities melt away. This is important for the sensitive Ram, whose "wounded soldier" archetype is healed by the Pisces nurse. In this relationship, Aries is free to follow his natural hunting instincts; Pisces prepares a banquet from his conquests. The danger: You both have vivid imaginations, but with two dreamers at the helm of this romance, the ship can veer off course. Aries is a take-charge leader, but needs a strong second mate. Bravado and confidence don't come easy to insecure Pisces, who falls into feigned helplessness under duress. Moody spells are common for your signs, and digging yourselves out of emotional ditches can be a challenge. You'll need a council of advisors to help you manage aspects of daily life—accountants, lawyers, coaches, therapists. Aries can be naturally aggressive, where Pisces is passive or passive-aggressive. You'll need to adapt your communication styles in order to be heard.

[enye-word]

state of the blog 2k18

part one stolas tumblr is i think a weakness it is a cancerous black hole that only broken starships and powerful owls may orbit and we orbit the owl sure but all motion is relative so the owl also orbits us watching our foolishness as though in a boschian triptych but this is neither here nor there i dont even follow argumate any more as the goodness of his witty posts was outweighed by the irritation of his bad center-wrong opinions but i do enjoy visiting his blog from time to time and i think https://argumate.tumblr.com/search/enye-word could serve as something of a best of enye-word especially if you have exactly argumates sense of humor but back to my main point i think tumblr is a weakness i think it either attracts the weak and vile or weakens and enviles the strong and neither of these are good i do not know if this is a universal effect or if that dark blue fetus that incubates just beyond the event horizon whispers darkly to the rest of you or only to me i have met some beautiful people who seem to be doing well on this website and to be honest the website seems designed to be used in a different way than i would want to use it so fairs fair but i do not think it is wise for me to tarry too long here maybe a day here and day there but never too long but for a long time my use of tumblr has been defined by my contempt for it if i deigned even to put forth the most minimal effort into this website i would have a much better time but its always been such a vexing website that ive never wanted to entrust effort into it part two andras but weve had some good times havent we ive seen some good posts made some good posts had some good interactions seen some good pictures of cats every time ive used a line break on this website its been an act of cowardice the thing is that i dont even enjoy using tumblr after i get into the swing of it its just another stovetop to watch another thing to compulsively worry about another obstacle to add to my routines and once i noticed this since i have a prefrontal cortex i left fool me once shame on you fool me cant get fooled again as it were im just too neurotic or particular i guess and i was very busy and stressed and all in all tumblr wasnt worth it not to imply that when i have a lot of free time tumblr would be worth it like i might as well use my time to create something of value and store it somewhere of value or consume art or talk to my friends or go for a walk and also tumblr has revealed to me that people who try to do moral investigation in this day and age but are not exemplary aka the top five percent of moral thinkers minus the top 1 percent turn to shit like tumblr for ideas and thus their minds are exposed to poison rot and epicycles on demonic wheels but what can you do well espouse virtue i guess but i have always said tumblr bad internet bad real life good go talk to your friends and or parents and take a walk but perhaps this is bad advice not everyone wants to be a digital hermit or live in the 18th century perhaps they need advice that is not directly opposed to social media and instead tells them how to use it virtuously instead of just advising against using it at all all in all i am a fabulous human being and you must remember in this digital age not to let the memes an instincts turn you into a pack of rabid dogs this post seems kinda whiny and bad to me now but state of the blogs are apparently all about whining because what other emotion could i hold with tumblr being like it is and me being like i am and me using tumblr thats why theyre under readmores that and their tremendous almost actual-blog-post length tumblr is crumbling now i hear they are banning the porn and everybodys leaving or something i think probably nothing will really happen anyhow ive said what i came here to say and it is time to stop thinking about this post now that ive thrown in everything i thought maybe i should to get that sweet sweet closure and leave nothing unsaid except of course for things ive said in previous posts or will take to my grave

[midas-makemegolden]

Hi! I won’t claim to be an expert by any means, but I have had my rabbit Guinevere for about two years now and speak from that experience, my own research, and the advice of my vet.

First off, it sounds like you’re doing an incredible job. I know I struggle a lot with feeling like I’m not doing enough or not doing things right, and (for me) a lot of that stems from the fact that rabbit behavior is so different from the pets I’m more culturally familiar with, so it feels foreign and stressful trying to navigate that. But the fact that you’ve done your research and are providing toys and hides already puts you miles ahead of a lot of owners and, more importantly, means that Hopper has enrichment and comfort and an attentive bunny parent, all of which he is very lucky to have. :)

Second, laying out like that is definitely a sign of feeling safe and content. If he was bored, you could expect behaviors like circling, neurotic chewing, and in an extreme case something like pulling out his fur. One of those differences between rabbits and other pets that I mentioned that was hard for me to wrap my mind around is that rabbits don’t really “play” in quite the same way dogs or cats will want to do. Many of those behaviors (chasing, tackling, that bite-and-shake with toys) mimic their predatory instincts, which rabbits don’t have.

If he’s responsive when you toss him toys, that’s great. Guinevere prefers to throw toys around on her own and gets disinterested when I join in, so we mostly bond through cuddles, petting and treats. But personality will play a part in that. So a lot of this is just going to be playing it by ear, figuring out what gets a positive response from him and how long he will want to play before becoming disinterested.

The lunging is generally a defensive behavior. I’ve gotten it from Gwen mostly if it’s dark and/or I’m reaching directly in front of her—they have a blind spot there, so it can startle them. Try reaching from the side, if you’re not already. You could also try making a little noise to warn him you’re reaching toward him. If he still has that reaction, he may just not want to continue playing, or, like you suggested, think you’re taking his toy. In that case you could try tossing a different one.

As for the nipping, you can tell if it’s grooming or defensive based on how hard it is—it’ll be a little softer if he’s just trying to “untangle your fur”—and based on whether it is mixed with licking. Licking is solely a grooming behavior.

One last thing—I’m sure you already know this, but just in case—make sure not to let Hopper interact with the cats unsupervised. It can absolutely be fine, and sounds like it has been so far, but even an accidental or playful scratch from a cat can introduce bacteria from their claws into the bloodstream that is very difficult for the rabbit to fight off.

That was a lot more than I meant to type! 😅 Hopefully that was helpful and made you feel a little better. Again, I’m absolutely not a definitive source, but if you did want to talk any more I’m available. Hopper’s a cutie!

Idk if people will even see this but it's worth a shot:

This is a question for the rabbit side of tumblr (rabbitblr? Bunblr???) Hopper is my first rabbit, i've done lots of research and he seems happy and healthy, i'm just curious about what other more experienced rabbit owners might think of some of his behaviors. He likes to sprawl out on the floor, he gets real long and his hips are usually on his side, and i know rabbits generally won't lay on their sides unless they feel safe and content, but i worry sometimes he just feels bored? He has plenty of toys around, lots of things to chew on, a tunnel, a big box full of cardboard and scrap paper for chewing/digging, etc. But is a rabbit necassarily interested in playing with ME? He chases our cats around and seems to want to play with them, but they're not interested and usually leave the room. Sometimes if he doesn't hop away, i'll lay on my stomach on the floor near him and roll or gently throw one of the smaller toys to him, and he'll toss it in the air a couple times, which is play (or so i've read) and then he'll just sit back and look at me, so i'll slowly reach for the toy again and he'll sort of lunge at me, which i've read is an unhappy behavior. But if i roll the toy to him again he'll toss it more. Is he just lunging because he thinks i want to steal his toy? Or is he lunging out of play? Tonight he did it again and nibbled my finger slighty, so it really makes me think he's doing the equivalent of resource gaurding, but i've ALSO read that sometimes rabbits nibble as a grooming thing??? If anyone has any thoughts about this i'd love to hear them! I just want to do right by my little guy.

[studio-elan]

25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time

Online dating can be super scary. You never know what to expect. Here are 25 tips for a first date after meeting online to keep it safe and fun. A few months ago, after deleting and downloading a dating app a handful of times, I finally decided to take a risk and go on a first date. I’ll be honest, it was scary. I needed some tips for a first date after meeting online! I was nervous, sweaty, and I half expected to be cat-fished or stood up. But, that didn’t happen. Since then I have been on quite a few first dates after meeting online. It is not as bad as you expect it to be. Sure, some dates are duds. Some are worse than duds, but with a bit of confidence, open-mindedness, you can feel pretty darn good about a first date after meeting online. [Read: Annoyingly common misconceptions about online dating] Should you have a first date after meeting online? Before I get into my tips for a first date after meeting online, figure out if you should actually have a first date. Not everyone you meet online is worthy of a first date. Dating requires a lot of time and effort, and you don’t want to whip out all that for just anyone. Whether you seek a deep connection or just a fun time, there are some questions to answer before committing to a first date. If you have dealbreakers, toss those out beforehand. I am not talking about someone chewing with their mouth open. Even if the date isn’t perfect, you can have a nice evening with someone without them being the one. But, if you have strong opinions about politics, feminism, or even your diet you may want to get that out of the way now. I have been on a date wherein the first 10 minutes the guy said something that turned me off so much I was ready to walk out. With a simple question about politics, I could have saved myself the drive to the restaurant and the nerves. So whether you can’t deal with a smoker, someone that loves electric dance music, or someone that believes climate change is a hoax, you may want to mention that upfront. [Read: Revealing questions to get to know someone you are interested in] Tips for a first date after meeting online Everyone’s dating preferences differ. Some people like a laidback first date while others prefer dirt biking or an escape room. But, from my experiences, these tips for a first date after meeting online will keep you calm, cool, and collected. They could even lead to a second date. #1 Keep it simple. I prefer coffee dates because I don’t drink, and you can stay 30 minutes or hours. But, getting drinks is good too. If that feels like too much pressure on the conversation, head to a bar that has darts or board games so you have something fun to lean on during lulls. If you go to an escape room or bowling, you are sort of stuck into an allotted amount of time. [Read: Your guide to timing a first date right] #2 Meet there. The internet is the internet after all. Go in wisely. You want to be positive, but you never know, so be safe. Drive yourself there or take a cab or Uber. Giving someone your address before you meet, probably not too smart. This way you can also leave whenever you want. #3 Have a back-up plan. I know I just said to go in with a positive frame of mind, but you also have to be prepared for anything. Sure, usually the worst that happens is that you don’t vibe and you go your separate ways. If your date is creepy, looks totally different from their photo, or anything goes wrong, have a plan. Have a friend call mid-date. Tell your waiter you’re on a first date beforehand and if you give them the signal they will bring the check out ASAP. Just think of a way to get out if you need to. [Read: How to end a date the right way without feeling awkward] #4 Pop a mint. It is shocking I have to say this, but from my experience, it needs to be said. Whether you are getting drinks, coffee, ice cream, or anything else, pop a Tic-Tac before you get out of the car. While you’re at it, spritz some perfume or at the very least rub on a fresh swipe of deodorant. Do not go overboard, but make sure you smell like you practice a decent level of hygiene. Bad breath and body odor are hard to ignore. #5 Have a story on hand. I always go into a first date with a funny anecdote. Maybe you have a date from hell to talk about. Even a work story or catfish experience. Have a lighthearted story on hand. Trust me, you will end up telling it. #6 Be no more than five minutes late. Ideally you would be on time or early, but personally, I hate being the first one to get there. That is when the nerves take over. No matter how rational you are, there will be butterflies and when I am sitting in a coffee house waiting for them to walk through the door I feel nauseous. Instead, I show up at the exact time we agreed on and wait in my car until they tell me they arrived. That way I am on my terms, can double check my lipstick, and walk in without the extra level of fear. [Read: 18 things you HAVE to avoid doing on a first date] #7 Keep your phone out of sight. Yes, you want your phone so you have an out if you need one and to show them photos of your puppy, but keep it out of sight. Even turned down at the table is a little much. Keep it in your bag or pocket. Sure, if they go to the bathroom, you can whip it out to fill in your nosy friends, but if it is on the table it will distract you. #8 Listen. Nerves can cause us to word vomit. You can go from answering a question about where you went to college into your dream job and future plans. Slow it down and remember you are getting to know each other. Instead of interrupting their work story with the fact that your brother used to work for the same company that they interned at, let them finish before replying. #9 Ask questions. I used to be so concerned with how I was coming across and answering certain questions I would forget to ask them any. But remember, this date isn’t about just you or just them, but both of you. If they tell you what they do for a living, ask if that is what they’ve always wanted to do. Ask how their major in English Lit got them to their job running a tech start-up. Asking follow up questions shows that you are listening and truly engaged in conversation. [Read: 20 ways to completely perfect your first date conversation] #10 Keep an open mind. This is one of the hardest things to do on a first date. It is nearly impossible to lose all expectations, but try to let some things go. It may be easy to let go of the fact that your coworker has differing political views or your brother-in-law still listens to Drake, but try to be open-minded. Sure, you have your limits and dealbreakers, but try to get the whole story. If your date says they live with their parents, do not write them off just yet. They could have moved home to help their parents out. Don’t assume you know everything about this person. If you do, you could miss out on something great because you were too strict. [Read: How to open up to people and welcome life in] #11 Try to be yourself.  It sounds so obvious to be yourself on a first date. Duh. You want this person to get to know you, not the “perfect” and agreeable you, or the chill you when you are more neurotic. If you really want to give this a fighting chance, be yourself from the start. But as I say that, I know how difficult it is to be vulnerable and just let everything out. If you are yourself 100% and get rejected, it hurts more than if you were a little bit more this or that. But if you do not take that risk of rejection you won’t find what you’re looking for. #12 Be respectful. This is one of those tips for a first date after meeting online that should be a given, but some people still find it acceptable to make sexist jokes or crude comments upon meeting someone new, when in fact it isn’t okay ever. So if your date wants a handshake instead of a hug, be okay with that. Respect their dietary restrictions, their allergies, their level of openness, and their choice to stay or leave. Dating is hard for everyone, not just you, so treat them how you want them to treat you. #13 Do not talk about your ex. This is a piece of dating advice that has been told for ages, and for good reason. Do not go on and on about your ex. First of all, it is disrespectful. Secondly, it is a turnoff. And finally, it proves you are not ready to be dating. With that being said, I think talking about past relationships is totally okay. You can say you learned a lot about what you want from your last relationship. Or you can say you have been more careful since you were cheated on or you take things slower now. Sharing what you have learned shows maturity, just don’t dwell or complain. #14 Give it a chance. Ignore the idea of a spark or instant connection. It is great when that happens, but more often than not that initial spark doesn’t lead to much else. A slow burn could be exactly what you need. Even if you aren’t initially attracted to your date, settle a bit. Getting into a good conversation can let you see another side of them. #15 Offer to pay. This is totally personal preference, but I always say you should offer to pay on the first date. Some men feel like it is the chivalrous thing to do and some women want to make sure their date is okay with them being independent and financially stable on their own. Even if you are fine with your date paying, making the reach is the polite thing to do. #16 Keep the drinks to a minimum. Going out for drinks can help calm first date jitters. But keep the drinks to a minimum. Order a glass of water between each refill or share some fries to fill your stomach. A drink or two can help you loosen up and be less on guard and more open, but drinking too much can lead to a handful of uh-ohs. From puking to passing out to making a fool of yourself, have a drink limit in mind beforehand. If you are worried you’ll get carried away, get there early and ask the bartender to discreetly cut you off after two or three drinks. [Read: 16 tips to make a great impression with your behavior on a date] #17 Make eye contact. I have been on dates where I felt just blah for the first hour or so. I just didn’t get that comfort I like to have with someone. But, once I stopped fidgeting and really made eye contact with them, that comfort grew. Eye contact can really spark an interest. It helps you listen better and even keeps you more in tune with the other person. #18 Make sure someone knows where you are. Here’s some more stranger danger advice. Tell a trusted friend, parent, or sibling where you are headed and give them the name and even phone number of who you are meeting just in case. #19 Don’t overdo it. I have done this and it was such a mistake. A first date should not be too long, and this is one of those important tips for a first date after meeting online that you should never ignore. I once went to get coffee with someone. We walked around for about an hour or so. Then, instead of parting ways, we went for dinner. The date went on for almost four hours. That was just too much for a first date. Because of that, he thought I was more interested than I actually was and it caused some issues later. Too long of a first date can blur your thoughts. Keep your first date under two hours. You are just getting a feel for each other. #20 Keep it PG. Again, this is totally up to you, but I like to keep things pretty basic on a first date. If you are feeling it, a kiss at the end of the night is sweet, but beyond that is not my style. If you are both into it, go all the way, good for you. It isn’t about being easy or too fast, but about what you are comfortable with. You could have great chemistry, but you do barely know this person. I always find that taking things slow keeps you thinking more clearly and things work out better in the end. [Read: The complete guide to help you decide how many dates before sex] #21 Be honest about your intentions. If you are only interested in a casual fling, make sure they know that. If you desire a committed relationship, fill them in. If you are just getting out there and aren’t sure what you want, tell them that too. You don’t want to lead someone on. Being on the same page is always smart. Also, at the end of the date, do not say you’ll call if you have no interest. Saying this was fun and it was great meeting you is all that is necessary. If you already know you aren’t interested, you can tell them in person that you just didn’t feel it, or think about it and let them know the next day. #22 Accept the outcome. This was a first date, not a marriage. So relax. It didn’t work out, too bad. Whether you didn’t like them or they didn’t like you, you have only spent an hour or so together. Try to remember this was one hour out of your life. I know with all the pressure, stress, and nerves, it seems like a lot is riding on that one cup of coffee, but it is just a date. [Read: 14 signs you’re unintentionally ruining your first dates] #23 Follow up. For crying out loud, please do not ghost. If you aren’t interested, they will be fine. Let them know you had a nice time but didn’t feel it and wish them the best of luck. If you are interested, text them the next day saying you had a great time and would love to do it again. Waiting around is no fun for anyone. [Read: The texting and followup guide after a great first date] #24 Watch out for red flags. I know I am a big believer in being open-minded, but some things are just not good news. There are some things you need to get more information on, but other things you need to watch out for. If they won’t tell you their last name, watch out. If they have a tan line on their left ring finger, question that. If they are a bad tipper, get out of there ASAP. [Read: Why you should run if you see these early red flags] #25 Reflect. After the last date I went on I was convinced he was perfect, but after it didn’t work out I thought about it again and realized that he said quite a few things that would become a problem later. I just ignored them in the moment. Of course, I didn’t want to make a scene or fight about something, but instead of taking these small things into account at all, I overlooked them. For example, he made fun of a woman who was overweight at the restaurant with us. I knew it stung me for a second, but the conversation shifted quickly, so I let it go. But if that was a regular thing for him it would not be something I was okay with. [Read: 18 signs your date really likes you on your first date] Hopefully, these tips for a first date after meeting online will guide you into your next meet-up with confidence, assurance, and an open mind. And who knows, you may just find the one too! The post 25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[russellthornton]

25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time

Online dating can be super scary. You never know what to expect. Here are 25 tips for a first date after meeting online to keep it safe and fun.

A few months ago, after deleting and downloading a dating app a handful of times, I finally decided to take a risk and go on a first date. I’ll be honest, it was scary. I needed some tips for a first date after meeting online!

I was nervous, sweaty, and I half expected to be cat-fished or stood up. But, that didn’t happen. Since then I have been on quite a few first dates after meeting online. It is not as bad as you expect it to be.

Sure, some dates are duds. Some are worse than duds, but with a bit of confidence, open-mindedness, you can feel pretty darn good about a first date after meeting online. [Read: Annoyingly common misconceptions about online dating]

Should you have a first date after meeting online?

Before I get into my tips for a first date after meeting online, figure out if you should actually have a first date. Not everyone you meet online is worthy of a first date.

Dating requires a lot of time and effort, and you don’t want to whip out all that for just anyone. Whether you seek a deep connection or just a fun time, there are some questions to answer before committing to a first date.

If you have dealbreakers, toss those out beforehand. I am not talking about someone chewing with their mouth open. Even if the date isn’t perfect, you can have a nice evening with someone without them being the one.

But, if you have strong opinions about politics, feminism, or even your diet you may want to get that out of the way now. I have been on a date wherein the first 10 minutes the guy said something that turned me off so much I was ready to walk out. With a simple question about politics, I could have saved myself the drive to the restaurant and the nerves.

So whether you can’t deal with a smoker, someone that loves electric dance music, or someone that believes climate change is a hoax, you may want to mention that upfront. [Read: Revealing questions to get to know someone you are interested in]

Tips for a first date after meeting online

Everyone’s dating preferences differ. Some people like a laidback first date while others prefer dirt biking or an escape room. But, from my experiences, these tips for a first date after meeting online will keep you calm, cool, and collected.

They could even lead to a second date.

#1 Keep it simple. I prefer coffee dates because I don’t drink, and you can stay 30 minutes or hours. But, getting drinks is good too.

If that feels like too much pressure on the conversation, head to a bar that has darts or board games so you have something fun to lean on during lulls. If you go to an escape room or bowling, you are sort of stuck into an allotted amount of time. [Read: Your guide to timing a first date right]

#2 Meet there. The internet is the internet after all. Go in wisely. You want to be positive, but you never know, so be safe. Drive yourself there or take a cab or Uber. Giving someone your address before you meet, probably not too smart.

This way you can also leave whenever you want.

#3 Have a back-up plan. I know I just said to go in with a positive frame of mind, but you also have to be prepared for anything. Sure, usually the worst that happens is that you don’t vibe and you go your separate ways. If your date is creepy, looks totally different from their photo, or anything goes wrong, have a plan.

Have a friend call mid-date. Tell your waiter you’re on a first date beforehand and if you give them the signal they will bring the check out ASAP. Just think of a way to get out if you need to. [Read: How to end a date the right way without feeling awkward]

#4 Pop a mint. It is shocking I have to say this, but from my experience, it needs to be said. Whether you are getting drinks, coffee, ice cream, or anything else, pop a Tic-Tac before you get out of the car.

While you’re at it, spritz some perfume or at the very least rub on a fresh swipe of deodorant. Do not go overboard, but make sure you smell like you practice a decent level of hygiene. Bad breath and body odor are hard to ignore.

#5 Have a story on hand. I always go into a first date with a funny anecdote. Maybe you have a date from hell to talk about. Even a work story or catfish experience. Have a lighthearted story on hand. Trust me, you will end up telling it.

#6 Be no more than five minutes late. Ideally you would be on time or early, but personally, I hate being the first one to get there. That is when the nerves take over. No matter how rational you are, there will be butterflies and when I am sitting in a coffee house waiting for them to walk through the door I feel nauseous.

Instead, I show up at the exact time we agreed on and wait in my car until they tell me they arrived. That way I am on my terms, can double check my lipstick, and walk in without the extra level of fear. [Read: 18 things you HAVE to avoid doing on a first date]

#7 Keep your phone out of sight. Yes, you want your phone so you have an out if you need one and to show them photos of your puppy, but keep it out of sight. Even turned down at the table is a little much. Keep it in your bag or pocket.

Sure, if they go to the bathroom, you can whip it out to fill in your nosy friends, but if it is on the table it will distract you.

#8 Listen. Nerves can cause us to word vomit. You can go from answering a question about where you went to college into your dream job and future plans. Slow it down and remember you are getting to know each other.

Instead of interrupting their work story with the fact that your brother used to work for the same company that they interned at, let them finish before replying.

#9 Ask questions. I used to be so concerned with how I was coming across and answering certain questions I would forget to ask them any. But remember, this date isn’t about just you or just them, but both of you. If they tell you what they do for a living, ask if that is what they’ve always wanted to do.

Ask how their major in English Lit got them to their job running a tech start-up. Asking follow up questions shows that you are listening and truly engaged in conversation. [Read: 20 ways to completely perfect your first date conversation]

#10 Keep an open mind. This is one of the hardest things to do on a first date. It is nearly impossible to lose all expectations, but try to let some things go. It may be easy to let go of the fact that your coworker has differing political views or your brother-in-law still listens to Drake, but try to be open-minded.

Sure, you have your limits and dealbreakers, but try to get the whole story. If your date says they live with their parents, do not write them off just yet. They could have moved home to help their parents out. Don’t assume you know everything about this person. If you do, you could miss out on something great because you were too strict. [Read: How to open up to people and welcome life in]

#11 Try to be yourself.  It sounds so obvious to be yourself on a first date. Duh. You want this person to get to know you, not the “perfect” and agreeable you, or the chill you when you are more neurotic. If you really want to give this a fighting chance, be yourself from the start.

But as I say that, I know how difficult it is to be vulnerable and just let everything out. If you are yourself 100% and get rejected, it hurts more than if you were a little bit more this or that. But if you do not take that risk of rejection you won’t find what you’re looking for.

#12 Be respectful. This is one of those tips for a first date after meeting online that should be a given, but some people still find it acceptable to make sexist jokes or crude comments upon meeting someone new, when in fact it isn’t okay ever. So if your date wants a handshake instead of a hug, be okay with that.

Respect their dietary restrictions, their allergies, their level of openness, and their choice to stay or leave. Dating is hard for everyone, not just you, so treat them how you want them to treat you.

#13 Do not talk about your ex. This is a piece of dating advice that has been told for ages, and for good reason. Do not go on and on about your ex. First of all, it is disrespectful. Secondly, it is a turnoff. And finally, it proves you are not ready to be dating.

With that being said, I think talking about past relationships is totally okay. You can say you learned a lot about what you want from your last relationship. Or you can say you have been more careful since you were cheated on or you take things slower now. Sharing what you have learned shows maturity, just don’t dwell or complain.

#14 Give it a chance. Ignore the idea of a spark or instant connection. It is great when that happens, but more often than not that initial spark doesn’t lead to much else. A slow burn could be exactly what you need.

Even if you aren’t initially attracted to your date, settle a bit. Getting into a good conversation can let you see another side of them.

#15 Offer to pay. This is totally personal preference, but I always say you should offer to pay on the first date. Some men feel like it is the chivalrous thing to do and some women want to make sure their date is okay with them being independent and financially stable on their own.

Even if you are fine with your date paying, making the reach is the polite thing to do.

#16 Keep the drinks to a minimum. Going out for drinks can help calm first date jitters. But keep the drinks to a minimum. Order a glass of water between each refill or share some fries to fill your stomach.

A drink or two can help you loosen up and be less on guard and more open, but drinking too much can lead to a handful of uh-ohs. From puking to passing out to making a fool of yourself, have a drink limit in mind beforehand.

If you are worried you’ll get carried away, get there early and ask the bartender to discreetly cut you off after two or three drinks. [Read: 16 tips to make a great impression with your behavior on a date]

#17 Make eye contact. I have been on dates where I felt just blah for the first hour or so. I just didn’t get that comfort I like to have with someone. But, once I stopped fidgeting and really made eye contact with them, that comfort grew.

Eye contact can really spark an interest. It helps you listen better and even keeps you more in tune with the other person.

#18 Make sure someone knows where you are. Here’s some more stranger danger advice. Tell a trusted friend, parent, or sibling where you are headed and give them the name and even phone number of who you are meeting just in case.

#19 Don’t overdo it. I have done this and it was such a mistake. A first date should not be too long, and this is one of those important tips for a first date after meeting online that you should never ignore. I once went to get coffee with someone. We walked around for about an hour or so. Then, instead of parting ways, we went for dinner. The date went on for almost four hours.

That was just too much for a first date. Because of that, he thought I was more interested than I actually was and it caused some issues later. Too long of a first date can blur your thoughts. Keep your first date under two hours. You are just getting a feel for each other.

#20 Keep it PG. Again, this is totally up to you, but I like to keep things pretty basic on a first date. If you are feeling it, a kiss at the end of the night is sweet, but beyond that is not my style. If you are both into it, go all the way, good for you.

It isn’t about being easy or too fast, but about what you are comfortable with. You could have great chemistry, but you do barely know this person. I always find that taking things slow keeps you thinking more clearly and things work out better in the end. [Read: The complete guide to help you decide how many dates before sex]

#21 Be honest about your intentions. If you are only interested in a casual fling, make sure they know that. If you desire a committed relationship, fill them in. If you are just getting out there and aren’t sure what you want, tell them that too. You don’t want to lead someone on. Being on the same page is always smart.

Also, at the end of the date, do not say you’ll call if you have no interest. Saying this was fun and it was great meeting you is all that is necessary. If you already know you aren’t interested, you can tell them in person that you just didn’t feel it, or think about it and let them know the next day.

#22 Accept the outcome. This was a first date, not a marriage. So relax. It didn’t work out, too bad. Whether you didn’t like them or they didn’t like you, you have only spent an hour or so together. Try to remember this was one hour out of your life.

I know with all the pressure, stress, and nerves, it seems like a lot is riding on that one cup of coffee, but it is just a date. [Read: 14 signs you’re unintentionally ruining your first dates]

#23 Follow up. For crying out loud, please do not ghost. If you aren’t interested, they will be fine. Let them know you had a nice time but didn’t feel it and wish them the best of luck.

If you are interested, text them the next day saying you had a great time and would love to do it again. Waiting around is no fun for anyone. [Read: The texting and followup guide after a great first date]

#24 Watch out for red flags. I know I am a big believer in being open-minded, but some things are just not good news. There are some things you need to get more information on, but other things you need to watch out for.

If they won’t tell you their last name, watch out. If they have a tan line on their left ring finger, question that. If they are a bad tipper, get out of there ASAP. [Read: Why you should run if you see these early red flags]

#25 Reflect. After the last date I went on I was convinced he was perfect, but after it didn’t work out I thought about it again and realized that he said quite a few things that would become a problem later. I just ignored them in the moment.

Of course, I didn’t want to make a scene or fight about something, but instead of taking these small things into account at all, I overlooked them. For example, he made fun of a woman who was overweight at the restaurant with us. I knew it stung me for a second, but the conversation shifted quickly, so I let it go.

But if that was a regular thing for him it would not be something I was okay with.

[Read: 18 signs your date really likes you on your first date]

Hopefully, these tips for a first date after meeting online will guide you into your next meet-up with confidence, assurance, and an open mind. And who knows, you may just find the one too!

The post 25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.