#also wanna find a good biography or two that might help

[loverboybrightsideghost]

i find myself completely by accident sauntering vaguely and slowly downward into wilde-ness

[dear-indies]

hello! i hope you're doing well! i've been kind of hesitant to send this message bc i often struggle to articulate my point here but i'm gonna do my best. you've been reblogging a lot of anti-harris posts/criticisms of her, which are extremely valid. her views on palestine are fucked. it's frustrating. but you've only ever reblogged two anti-trump posts (or at least two that come up in search) & while i know harris is extremely flawed, trump has literally said he thinks disabled people should die. he's anti...everyone but himself? & i know it feels obvious on the We Hate Trump website, but you have a fair amount of followers who may feel like harris isn't actually a better choice, since you so rarely post about trump. unfortunately, we don't have ranked choice voting in the US. a 3rd party presidential candidate isn't an option for us in this election & i feel like you may be inadvertently swaying people who are feeling hopeless to vote for trump or not vote at all or vote 3rd party. i don't think you should stop calling out her shit, but i think it might help to call his out too? it fucking sucks. i hate that this is the position we're in. but i just. felt like i needed to message you. bc you have a voice & you're trying to do something good with it & i think this might be doing some harm & if i were in your shoes i'd wanna know. thank you for all the work you've been doing & keep doing to make the world better. (apologies if any of this came off as rude or anything. i really do struggle to articulate and tone is very hard for me.)

hey! i appreciate the message but please forgive me because i'm a little confused, i don't know if search is broken but i've reblogged about trump several times (most of the time I don't tag posts or search is broken so if you go back in the archive you'll find 100+ more) including recently that i will no longer be suggesting somebody because he supports trump so i think my views of him are clear? i also don't post about who americans should vote for because it's against tumblrs terms of service, "content designed to suppress, intimidate, or confuse" is so vague. i'm just reminding people that harris is not "girl boss" and is not "charli xcx brat" all because a "liberal" president candidate has pronouns in her biography (what people have been saying when she's literally transphobic) doesn't mean people can't critique her ESPECIALLY those who are palestinian and/or trans.

i'm also not american if people have that misconception 😭😭

[queenshelby]

Just Friends - Cillian Murphy Imagine

Featuring: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: SMUT

Words: 5034

Foreword:

I have never written anything for an actual person. For my own comfort, I will not be referring to Cillian’s actual family and, instead, I have created two small biographies for the Reader and Cillian.

Biography:

The Reader:

The Reader is 24 years old and recently moved to Dublin with her 5 year old son, Max in order to take up a fantastic job offer.

Max’s father isn’t interested in a relationship with his son and separated from the Reader pretty much as soon as she found out that she was pregnant. 

The Reader is a novelist and editor for the Irish Times. 

The Reader’s interests include books, listening to records, theatre and attending live music gigs. 

The Reader has a close relationship with her grandmother who is 65 years old and a writer herself. She also lives in Dublin with her second husband, who is originally from Galway.

 Cillian: 

Cillian is 42 years old in this story. He is divorced from his wife Siobhan and has two kids, Charlie (6) and Hendricks (8).

He lives in a town house in Dublin and shares custody.

In this story, he finished filming Season 4 of Peaky Blinders about three months ago, which is when the Reader first met him.

---------------------------

JUST FRIENDS

Three and a half months ago you moved to Dublin to take a position as editor at the Irish Times. Initially, the move was daunting to you as you were a single mother and moving your son to a different preschool concerned you.

Fortunately, your grandmother was living in Dublin as well and offered to help you with looking after your son, Max. She was a retired novelist herself and you always had a close relationship with her. Having her around was a blessing.

Over the years, you also met some Irish writers and established good relationships with them. Therefore, finding friends in Dublin was not an issue.

One of your best friends was a play writer from London and was working in Ireland at the time, promoting her theatre play called ‘Blessings’. She introduced you to a bunch of people, most of which were working in the entertainment industry in some way or another.

Whilst all of your new found friends were a fair bit older than you, you related to them. You had interests in common and most of them had children, just like you. They understood that sometimes plans had to be cancelled and flexibility was limited. Having children is a commitment which many of your younger friends didn’t understand. You weren’t interested in late nights because a young child meant early mornings. For this reason, you would much rather attend a dinner and board game night as a opposed to a night club.

And this is how you met a very interesting man named Cillian. Three months ago, your friend Orla invited you to a board game night with a couple of her friends. Cillian was pretty much the only other single person in attendance and, since this was a board game that had to be played in teams of two, you and Cillian were paired up with him.

He was funny and smart and very attractive. You had a good time that night and even won the game with your combined knowledge of random trivial facts.

He was a fun person to be around and you had several common interests.

Over the next few months, you spent a fair bit of time together, mostly with other friends but sometimes alone when your friends were doing things as couples with their partners.

Just recently, you went record shopping together and the weekend before last you and another friend of yours would take all of your kids to Dublin Zoo for the day. Your son Max developed a great friendship with Cillian’s youngest son Charlie. Playdates were a common occurrence.

While both of you separately explored the dating world, you really enjoyed Cillian’s company as a friend and he enjoyed yours and you would often chat about the mishaps you encountered and laugh about them. Dates gone wrong was one of your favourite topics.

The last relationship Cillian had was with a co-worker, which was far from ideal. They’ve met on set of one of his movies about a year after he divorced from his wife, but things didn’t go as planned and the relationship didn’t last. It ended about four months ago, being just one month before you met.

The last relationship you had was over a year ago and it also didn’t last as your boyfriend couldn’t deal with the fact that you were a single mum and that your son always came first.

For Valentines Day this year, your friends set up dates for each of you. It was disastrous. Neither of you were interested in committing at this point and you both were rather flustered about your friends’ efforts after you both had told them not to bother.

You were happy singles.

Theatre Night

As happy singles, you decided to go and see your friend’s new play ‘Blessings’ with some of your other friends on the night you all managed to be child free for once. It took a while to organise but was worth the effort.

‘Hi Max, how was preschool?’ Cillian asked as he opened the door to your townhouse for Cillian while you were in the bathroom, putting up your hair.

Max met Cillian numerous times and got along with him very well. After all, Cillian had a son the same age as Max.

‘Good. Do you want me to show you what I made?’ Max asked while you waived at Cillian from the bathroom.

‘Absolutely, show me’ Cillian said with a smile as he followed Max into the living room.

‘Look’ Max said as he held up two paintings.

‘Wow, is that a T-Rex?’ Cillian asked, causing Max to nod with excitement.

‘That’s very cool…he looks super scary’ Cillian added just as there was another knock on the door.

It was your grandmother who was here to pick up Max for his sleepover at her house.

You opened the door and asked Max to get his bag from the living room which you had packed for him earlier.

‘Nan, this is my friend Cillian’ you said as you introduced Cillian to your grandmother.

‘Hello Cillian, I am Margot. I loved Grief is a Thing with Feathers. It was such an intense play’ she said, knowing right away who he was despite the fact that you had never mentioned him to her before.

‘Thank you Margot and I loved By The Sea, it was a fantastic book’ Cillian responded. He read the book after you told him about your grandmother. Your writing style was very similar to hers and he always loved a good book.

‘Oh thank you very much. Now Max, are you ready?’ your grandmother asked.

Max was ready and you said goodbye, giving him a big hug and thanking your grandmother for looking after him for the night.

While Cillian waited in the living room, you finished your make up and slipped on your shoes.

‘Thank you for picking me up. I really have no idea where this place is’ you said as you grabbed your bag and the two of you were heading out of the door.

‘Any time Y/N, it isn’t far from here actually’ Cillian said.

As you were walking to the Arthouse Theatre you talked about all sorts of things, music, childcare and books.

It was a cold night in Dublin and you were probably underdressed for the occasion.

At the Arthouse Theatre you met up with another two friends of yours. They were both married, to each other, and shared three children. Luckily for them, they had a baby sitter that night.

The play was amazing and you all enjoyed it with a few glasses of wine which were served at the theatre. Cillian had good taste when it came to wine and you usually sought his guidance on what to order.

After you left the theatre, you felt awfully hungry. You hadn’t eaten dinner that night.

‘I am starving, is anyone else up for Pizza?’ you asked your three friends, including Cillian

‘We would love to, but only have a baby sitter until 9pm, sorry’ Amanda said, explaining that she and her husband had to head home fairly soon.

‘What about you Cilly?’ you asked.

‘I would love some Pizza, let’s go to Pizzinis’ he said.

Both you and Cillian said goodbye to your friends and made your way to Pizzinis.

As usual, it was packed and there were no table available.

‘Wanna grab them take away and go back to my place? I’ve got wine and you can show me this new album you were talking about earlier’ you said.

‘Sounds good, let’s do that’ Cillian said before ordering two pizzas.

More than Friends

You arrived at your apartment about 30 minutes later and Cillian put on some music. He found this new Irish band he liked and you were really keen to hear them.

‘Hmm Indie…I like it’ you said as he connected his i-phone to your speakers.

‘Wine?’ you asked as you grabbed a bottle of wine from the shelf.

‘Yes please and thanks’ Cillian said as he put the pizzas on the table.

‘I was meant to ask you, how was your Valentine’s date?’ Cillian asked before taking the first bite of the pizza.

‘Oh god, don’t remind me on it please’ you said with a laugh.

‘That good ey? What happened?’ Cillian laughed.

‘He was weird. He basically left after I told him about Max’ you responded.

‘I think that sometimes guys your age might be a bit freaked out by the fact that you have child. I can’t say that I blame them. I couldn’t imagine myself becoming a step father when I was in my 20s’ Cillian said.

‘He was 32’ you responded.

‘Well maybe he was just weird and you are just unlucky when it comes to dating’ Cillian laughed.

‘Yeah, maybe…I am just over dating’ you said…’What about your date?’ you asked.

‘Pretty average. I mean she was nice but had no sense of humour’ Cillian said.

‘Oh what, wait…she didn’t laugh at your Irish jokes?’ you laughed.

‘Outrageous I know. I mean how could she not?’ Cillian joked.

‘Here is to failed dates’ you said as you held up your wine glass for a toast.

‘To failed dates’ Cillian responded with smile.

Over the next hour or so, Cillian and you finished both pizzas and talked about books, including the book you were currently writing, music and embarrassing things your kids had done.

Quite music was playing in the background by then while you talked and laughed together until Cillian brought up a specific book he had read recently, written by a writer named J A Hanson, which he said reminded him on you in a way.

‘I have read all of her books and I really wish I could write romance as well as her’ you said.

‘Her books aren’t exactly romantic’ Cillian responded.

‘Her storylines aren’t romantic, but the character she uses in all of her books involves herself romantically with several other characters throughout the series. The way she writes makes you relate to the character even in these intimate moments’ you explained.

‘She is 60 and probably speaking from experience. I have read in a paper a few months back that she had quite an interesting and adventurous youth in the 70s and 80s’ Cillian said.

‘Free Love…Yeah, I have read this too’ you laughed. ‘Perhaps I just need some inspiration to get over my block, otherwise I will never finish this damn novel’ you said as you poured yourself some more wine.

‘You don’t have to answer this, but when was the last time that…?’ Cillian asked and, before he could finish his question, you interrupted him.

‘That I had sex? Gosh…well over a year ago’ you responded, causing Cillian’s chin to drop.

‘Over a year? Seriously? I mean, surely, a woman like you would get plenty of offers…’ Cillian said, not knowing what else to tell you.

‘A woman like me? What do you mean by that Cilly?’ you asked with a slight giggle.

‘Well, you are attractive, smart and funny. You would get a fair bit of interest’ Cillian responded.

‘So, you think I am attractive?’ you asked with a smirk, causing Cillian to choke slightly on his wine. He regretted what he had said almost instantly, causing awkwardness between you.

‘Well yeah, I think you are an attractive woman’ Cillian said quietly. ‘In a totally objective way of course’ he added, while, just in this moment, you observed his facial expressions.

You observed him drop his eyes to your lips as he said it, and then lower to the place where your shirt opens at the collar, the buttons undone to below your collarbone.

He pressed his lips together. ‘I think I should probably get go…’ he said, and, before he could finish his sentence, you leaned in and kissed him suddenly, like the peck you give a boy you like on the school bus the second before you jump up and get off – a brief bravery without a plan.

He was caught by surprise.

‘Y/N’ he said and, before he could say something else, you apologised to him for what just happened.

‘I am sorry Cilly, I don’t know what just came over me’ you said.

‘It’s alright, I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was inappropriate’ Cillian said.

But, with Cillian’s response, you couldn’t leave it alone and asked ‘So, you don’t think that I am attractive?’ you asked, giggling slightly with some embarrassment.

‘Any man who thinks that you aren’t attractive is clearly blind. But, with that being said, it doesn’t matter what I think, you are 18 years younger than me and it would be wrong for us to take this further. Despite, I don’t want to fuck up our friendship’ Cillian said calmly.

You didn’t know what to say to his comment and, instead of using any words, you ran your hand gently over the side of his perfect face while biting your lip.

‘Just one kiss between friends then, we can blame the red wine after’ you whispered as a comfortable hot feeling washed over you. You felt some sort of attraction towards Cillian since the moment you met him, but didn’t want to admit it to yourself, let alone to him.

‘I don’t know Y/N’ Cillian said as you leaned closer towards him and pressed your lips onto his. You knew he was reluctant but he didn’t push you away.

To the contrary, as you kissed him, his hand came up in a rush to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer. Within seconds, his tongue slipped between your lips, whispering over your teeth and began dancing with your tongue.

You noticed the brush of his stubble on your cheek, the press of his lips on yours and the way his mouth tasted, a mix of minty gum and red wine.

It shouldn’t have been so hot, but it was. The taste of him, the smell and flavour, and it made you whimper in your throat. You knew this was one off and you didn’t want this moment to end.

‘Are you ok?’ he asked after he pulled back a little and paused. He was scanning your eyes and there was a cautious considering from his side. You could tell that he was surprised about what had just happened.

‘Yeah, you?’ you said as you couldn’t help yourself but stare into his baby blue eyes.

‘Yes’ he said as he cleared his throat slightly.

There was an awkward silence in the room and you couldn’t stand it.

You build up all of your courage again and leaned over him, pressing your lips onto his once more.

Cillian didn’t hesitate then.

His tongue slipped right back into the same spot than before, before his lips then moved over your face and down to your neck, leaving gentle bites and kisses.

Cillian’s hands were busy touching you at the same time his lips were trailing over your neck.

One of his hands was in your hair at the back of your head while his other hand was moving down to press the small of your back so that your body was pulled forward into his.

As you were exchanging passionate kisses, you could feel the shape of him, the firmness of his body against yours, your legs pressing into his and his chest pressing into your breasts. You could also feel his erection through his jeans, hard as anything, rigid and warm against your tummy.

By this time, you wanted more than just kisses.

‘Sleep with me, just that once’ you whispered.

‘I can’t Y/N, you are 24, it is not right’ Cillian said pulling away from you.

‘It’s just sex Cilly, I am old enough for that’ you laughed.

‘Yes, but I don’t want this to ruin our friendship’ Cillian said.

‘It won’t. There are no strings attached, it’s just sex. Unless you don’t want me’ you responded. ‘Although I think you do’ you giggled as you ran your hand over his pants, feeling his erection.

Your comment made Cillian chuckle.

‘This is a one off, alright?’ Cillian asked, causing you to nod.

‘One off…and it stays our little secret’ you said before smashing your lips back onto his for another minute or two.

After you exchanged more passionate kisses you stood up.

‘Common, I show you my bedroom’ you said cheekily, taking his hand and guiding him towards the bed.

‘Can you help me with this please’ you asked, turning around to face the bed. Your back was now facing Cillian and you pulled your hair aside so that he can open the zipper of your dress.

Cillian unzipped your dress carefully, exposing your black lace underwear.

As you pushed your dress down onto the floor, Cillian began kissing your back and neck, while running his hands over your breasts and stomach, all the way down in between your legs.

You let out a brief moan before turning around to face him and help him pull his t-shirt over his head, exposing his perfectly shaped biceps.

Looking into his eyes, your hand glided gracefully, for once, past Cillian’s belt buckle and into the holy crevice of his Calvin Klein briefs. His cock was hard and ready.

You moved it between my your slowly, relishing his obvious eagerness.

You used the other hand to unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans, shortly after which he pushed them down to the floor while your other hand never left his warm and hard cock.

After the jeans came off, Cillian pressed his lips back onto yours while using his skilled hands to unclip the back of your bra. The bra also landed on the floor within seconds.

‘Lie down’ he whispered into your ear. You obliged and crawled onto the bed, facing him.

He loomed over you, climbing on to the bed as you scooted backwards further so that he could straddle your hips while you pushed up against him, wanting the rub and friction against you.

Cillian kissed you passionately as one of his hands moved in between your legs.

He could feel your body tensing up as he ran his fingers over the top of your panties

After all, he knew that it had been a while since you’ve been with anyone. He knew to take it slow and give you some reassurance.

‘Just relax’ he whispered into your ear with his thick Irish accent as he edged his fingers over the lace of your panties, his hand leisurely rubbing up and down the length of your squirming crotch, until he pulled your underwear aside and slipped two fingers inside of you.

You could feel your mouth widen and a loud moan escaped you as he teased the full mound of your clit. The stroke of his thumb was purposeful and steady on your firm, dripping pulse while his fingers plunged in and out of you, sinking further and further.

You held onto him tightly as the slipperiness he found made it easy for him to penetrate you with his fingers. You were so wet.

You shuddered at the pattern, shocked to find it could still stun you, unlocking newfound levels of moisture and desire, even when you began to meet the repetition of his thrusts. You naturally tilted and buckled beneath him.

As he was pushing his fingers in and out of you, he trailed kisses down your neck while your hands clutched at his shoulders, scratched down his back, held him tighter to you as I screamed into his skin.

Cillian’s breath grew more desperate and rugged.

‘It seems like we should take these off’ he said, causing you to nod with anticipation.

‘Don’t move’ Cillian ordered as he lowered himself on the bed while removing your lace undies.

Within seconds, Cillian’s lips were an inch away from your crotch, where he painted your inner thigh with tiny and soft kisses.

Cillian pushed your legs apart gently and you knew what would be next. You have read about this many times but this was the first time any man had gone down on you before and you were nervously biting your lip.

You tried hard to relax as Cillian’s lips finally reached your entrance, tasting the evidence of how much you wanted him.

‘Oh god, fuck’ you moaned as his head dove between your legs. His tongue prodded you softly, short licks against your clit.

Instantly, all restraint and reservations you had vanished. You were relaxed completely as his tongue danced and writhed inside of you.

With each skillful stroke, your thighs clenched. But you still needed more and he read you just right; he didn’t stop as you pushed yourself up the bed. Instead, he held you steady, causing you to look down at him and watching his eyes widen as they met yours, reacting to the rush of your wetness.

‘Cillian, oh god…you need to stop, I am so close’ you moaned, not wanting it to be over. You never came more than once so you wanted to feel him inside of you first.

‘That’s good, just let go’ Cillian said quietly with a grin before he continued and slid two fingers back inside of you while whirling his tongue over your clit.

You couldn’t hold on any longer, no matter how hard you tried. Your exhales began to emerge as deepening sighs and you leaned my head back and lived out the fantasy that had flashed through your mind all along.

‘Oh god Cillian’ you moaned as your back arched and a rush of ecstasy flew through your body. You grabbed onto Cillian’s hair as he sucked every drip from you as your orgasm flooded your body.

As you came down from your orgasm, Cillian shuffled himself back up the bed, kissing you passionately.

You could taste yourself on his lips and you were ready for more.

‘I want to feel you’ you whispered after your lips drifted apart and while reaching for Cillian’s hard cock.

‘Do you have a condom?’ he asked, causing you to nod. You had purchased some before your Valentine’s Date, just in case you needed them.

You reached for the bedside table and opened the pack of condoms, handing one to Cillian.

Cillian was quick to get rid of his briefs and put on the condom, before positioning himself on top of you, in between your legs.

He shuddered a great rushing gasp of breath as he entered you. He couldn’t believe how good you felt, so tight.

You felt him push into you then, slowly and carefully, filling you completely.  

‘Cillian’ you moaned as you held onto him tightly as he slowly began to move.

With every thrust, you gasped, whimpered, soft mewling noises, begging for more.

You felt him all the way to your belly button and screamed out with pleasure, your hands taking the heat as he thrusted fast and deep.

As he picked up his pace, you got louder, groans becoming moans becoming shouts, and the bed frame thumped against the wall, louder and faster and louder and faster.

‘Oh god, don’t stop’ you moaned, his skin slapping against yours.

‘You are so beautiful’ Cillian said in between his moans before pulling out of you slowly and lifting up your legs above his shoulders.

He knew exactly that, this way, he would be reaching your g-spot while he was fucking you.

You were slightly surprised by this position but were flexible enough to run with it.

As he entered you again slowly, you let out a loud moan.

‘Fuck’ you moaned in between the high-pitched noises that escaped you.

‘Does this feel alright?’ Cillian asked, wanting to ensure that you are comfortable.

You nodded eagerly and whimpered a shaky ‘yes’ as he continued to thrust into you. He was right at your g-spot and you could barely control yourself.

He slowly picked up the speed and you could feel another orgasm coming on as the tip of his cock kept hitting your g-spot over and over again.

‘Cillian, oh my god, don’t stop…’ you moaned as you held onto his arms tightly.

You began to shake heavily as your orgasm washed over you and tears of joy escaped your eyes.

‘Fuck, Y/N’ Cillian groaned loudly as he felt your walls tightening around him. The sensation coupled with the sounds you were making sent him over the edge and he almost came in sync with you.

As soon as he came, you released your legs from his shoulders and he collapsed on top of you, kissing you passionately.

You could still feel Cillian pulsing inside you when the sudden oddness of what you had done washed over you.

‘Are we ok?’ Cillian asked as he slowly pulled out of you and removed the condom, disposing of it discreetly.

‘I think so’ you said shyly.

‘Good…because I really enjoyed this’ Cillian said as he ran one of his hands over your cheek gently.

‘Me too…plus, I’ve got some inspiration for my book now’ you said cheekily.

‘I am glad to having been of assistance. Make sure you credit me in the end notes’ Cillian said jokingly.

‘Hmm, if I did, it may become a best seller…Sex Scene Inspired by Cillian Murphy’ you said with laughter, causing Cillian to laugh also.

‘I should better get home’ Cillian said as he was playing with your hair. He really didn’t want to leave, but he felt as though it was inappropriate for him to stay the night.

‘You can stay here if you like…’ you offered, but Cillian declined.

After all, this was supposed to be a one off. You are nothing more than friends, or are you?

You accepted Cillian’s decision to leave and weren’t upset by it. You enjoyed your time with Cillian and slept well that night, snugging up in the doona which smelled like his aftershave.

Finishing the Book

The next morning, you got up early to begin writing the intimate chapter of your book. This was the chapter you had struggled with for a while and you finally felt comfortable writing it. If readers would know that, in this particular scene of your book, you were basically reliving your night with your friend, Cillian Murphy, that would be scandalous.

So, you decided to make sure that no one would ever find out about your little adventure.

Unfortunately for you, your grandma seemed to have a good sense of what was going on.

She was on time as usual and dropped Max back at your house at 10am.

‘Had a good night my dear? I can see you are working on your book.’ She said.

‘Yes nan, the play last night was lovely. It has given me some inspiration’ you said.

‘The play has given you some inspiration to write about orgasms?’ your grandmother asked with laughter as she read the screen on your lap top.

‘Nan! Oh my god, don’t read what I am writing’ you said with embarrassment.

‘Oh dear, it’s alright. Believe it or not, I used to write novels myself with a little hint of filth now and then. But, somehow, I don’t think that it was the play that gave you the inspiration to write this little naughty chapter. By looking at the bruises on your neck, perhaps it was your friend Mr Murphy who gave you this inspiration?’ your grandmother said with sarcasm.

‘Nan, no Jesus, please’ you said as your face became flushed.

‘Don’t be embarrassed dear’ your grandmother said. ‘It is good for you. I mean, he is handsome and I saw the way you looked at him yesterday evening…and the way he looked at you’ your grandmother continued.

‘There is nothing between us nan, we are just friends’ you explained with total embarrassment.

‘Alright dear, whatever you say’ your grandmother said, not believing a single word that came out of your mouth.

‘I better go, I have lunch with Alma later… I love you my dear’ your grandmother said before heading out of the door.

‘Love you too nan’ you said.

 WHO WANTS A SECOND PART OF THIS?

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Smalltown Bringdown 2

Warnings: blood, violence, more to be added.

This is dark!biker!Bucky and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You begin your search for a new job but times are tough.

Note: Here’s part two. I’m planning on making this a relatively short series, think Eye for an Eye. I’m having fun with Biker!Bucky and next chapter should be🔥 To those who take the time to read, thank you. Love you guys!

Please, leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

The Birch Branch Bakery was just across the street from the Chipped Saucer. The old plaque beside the door read 'Est. 1887'. It had passed hands from one Hollorin to the next. Barbara, or Babs, Hollorin was the latest in the line of plump delicatessens. She had her father's rosy cheeks and boomong laugh. You faintly remembered the round old man from your childhood though he had long passed.

Babs smiled as you entered.  She was rarely anything but cheery, certain to offer any child a sample of her famous chocolate mousse. You slid your resume across the counter and she offered you a taste. You passed.

"It's a long shot, I know," You said. "But Jimmy's clearing house… well really, just tossing out an old lamp."

"Oh, hon, you know I usually just hire students. I can’t offer many hours. No tips either."

"I know," You shrugged. "But I could find something else to fill in the blanks."

"I'll think about it, okay, sweets?" She took your resume from the counter. 

"Thanks," You paused before the glass display. "Could I get a slice of lemon meringue? You know mom would kill me if I left without grabbing her a piece."

“Of course, dear.” Babs smiled and took the pie out from the stand. 

She set a slice carefully in a box and tied a bow around it with string; the usual fare. You took it with a smile and thank you. 

The door rang as you stepped out onto the street. Your last stop was the used bookshop/hobby store, Lloyd’s. You pushed inside as you balanced the box in one hand and greeted the old man sat behind the counter. Lucius was half off his stool as he bent over the model plane and carefully dobbed some clue along its body. His hair was streaked grey and black and lines betrayed a smile even when he was grimacing at a particularly tedious project.

“Hey, Lu,” You greeted as he looked up through his narrow glasses. “Just figured I’d drop by…” You neared and held the box against your hip and rested your folder on it. “Hand in a resume for good measure. I know, I know, not much going around but--”

“You not at the Saucer anymore?” He finished securing the wing and sat up with a groan.

“Not since a few days ago.” You slipped out a page and carefully placed it beside the toy plane. “We’ll see if I’m in the government’s lap by the end of the month, though.”

“Oh, dear, that’s terrible,” He took your resume and held it out as he tried to focus through his lenses, “That Jimmy’s a real slimy one. I’ll spare you my true thoughts, out of courtesy.”

“I’ll say it myself. He’s a bastard,” You added. “You know I never mind your language, Lu.”

“Certainly your mother didn’t like me teaching you all those pretty words,” He chuckled. “I’ll see what I can do.” He turned and set the paper down behind him on the shelf of unsorted books. “Might not be full hours but I could use a hand or two. Let me have a look at the books and I’ll get back to you.”

“Thanks,” You said. “Mind if I have a look before I go.”

“By all means,” He grabbed his tube of glue, “You always were my best customer.”

You nodded and headed back to your favourite section. He always had the most eclectic collection of biographies. A man in love with cinema, he’d given you a copy of Lena Horne’s memoir and stoked your own love for the past. Nestled in this shop was a peculiar array of nostalgia. A time you never knew but felt like your own. A childhood spent in the golden era with Astaire and Hayworth.

After a moment perusing, you chose a book on Tallulah Bankhead and headed for the counter. Lucius made no move to quit his gluing. You waved the book at him as you kept the folder and box under your other arm.

“On the house, dear,” He looked up briefly. “Your out a job and poor Tallulah’s been on that shelf for years. You give her a nice home. She’ll keep you good company.”

“Thanks,” You smiled and slid the book under the box as you adjusted your grip and moved your load in front of your stomach. “I’ll be back next week, Lu.”

“You will. I wanna know what you think of it.” He said. “She’s a special one.”

“Alright,” You chuckled and headed for the door. He cursed under his breath as he continued to fiddle with the model. 

You found yourself back on the main street. The old clock tower struck one in the afternoon and you headed towards the library. A black speck caught in the corner of your eye; the same which had drawn you several times that day. It was as if the town’s spectre was following you on your tour. You carried on and ducked into the small alcove between the suit shop and the pawn broker’s. You heard Lloyd’s door open and close.

You waited, five, maybe ten minutes, until you heard it again. The same footfalls that had echoed your own. That you had shrugged off as an effect of the small town. It was easy to feel followed in a place like this. It was hard not to cross paths with the same person several times over. The soles scuffed over the sidewalk as they trailed your former steps and the shadow in leather passed you by. You emerged from the alley and huffed. 

“There a reason you’re following me?” You asked.

Bucky stopped and chuckled as he pushed his shoulders back. He turned slowly, a smile on his face. “Am I?”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice earlier.” You growled. “Now, you don’t seem like you’re in need of employment and you’re not exactly the social butterfly of Birch.”

“I’m not?” He wondered. “People talk to me freely enough.”

“Is that what you’ve been doing? Talking?” You challenged.

“Well, I don’t get a chance to explore the town much,” He shrugged.

“And who would ever want to do that? You live here a week and you can retrace the map in your sleep,” You narrowed your eyes. “You still haven’t told me why you’re following me.”

“Can’t say that I am,” He stepped closer as he stared at the folder atop the small box in your arms. “How is the job hunt going anyway?”

Your nostrils flared but you didn’t answer. You could only watch as he opened the folder and slipped a copy of your resume free. He made a show of reading it before folding it and slipping it inside his jacket.

“Offer stands.” He said.

“Answer too,” You assured him. “If you’re so curious, I’m just now going to see my mother at the library. Save you the trouble of following me… you don’t seem the reading type.”

He grinned and tucked his hands in his pockets. “The pie will be a nice surprise,” He turned to let you through “Unfortunately, I do have to get back.”

“Mmmhmm,” You grumbled and slowly edged by him. 

You felt his gaze on you as you passed him. The heat of it lingered as you continued down the sidewalk. You didn’t dare to look back. You knew he was watching you. The eerie sensation did not relent until you shielded yourself beyond the library doors.

💀

You waited three days before you followed up. Things moved slow in a small town but not everything. Change was stark, too. As you stepped inside the same doors as days before, you found your welcome not so warm. The tea shop, also a cafe, was the first on your agenda. Doris smiled and took your order but was evasive when you asked after your resume. It was much the same at each stop you made. A hollow weight settled in your chest.

Babs was her usual jovial self but paled as you asked if she had even part-time hours for you. She shook her head and muttered about low sales in a small town and all those other excuses. You frowned but accepted the rejection. You bought a half-dozen macadamia cookies and headed out. At Lloyd’s, you found Lucius amid several stacks of book as he raised his brows at the titles.

“Lu,” You greeted. “Hey.”

“You finished that book already?” He asked without looking away.

“Halfway there,” You said. “I was just… checking in.”

“Mmm,” He set a book in one of the neater stacks. “Yes, I supposed you’d be by sooner than later.”

You stepped into the middle of the mess and glanced around. He was sorting by author and genre. No doubt a new haul from a resident clearing their shelves. You took a book and placed it in its respective stack. He paused and looked at you. 

“My girl,” He began hesitantly.

“I know, you got nothing for me,” You nodded. “Just like everyone else. It’s okay.”

“Well, that’s not what I was gonna say at all,” He reproached. “I don’t care what that goon says, I could use someone on Sundays and you’ll get a few hours Mondays and Tuesdays. Not much, I know, but I gather it could help.”

“Oh, Lu,” You smiled and squeezed his arm. “So… he… what did he say to you?”

“Some nonsense about books being flammable, like I don’t know,” He scoffed. “I got insurance on this place. My granddaddy was no fool when he opened this place. He wants to burn it down, he can go right ahead. My payout will cover fresh paperbacks and the newest gadgets. He’d be doing me a favour, really.”

“You don’t have to--”

“I seen it before. As young as you are, I know you have too.” He continued sorting as he spoke. “You should’ve never pulled that knife but were I a younger man and there, I might’ve done the same.”

“Trust me, I know it was stupid,” You uttered. “Especially now but… Artie’s heart was about to burst.”

“Artie’s been on the edge of a heart attack for six years. I’m surprised those brutes didn’t push him over it,” Lu shook his head. “You got a place here, dear. Maybe look for something online. I don’t know much, just enough to order stock, but I’m sure you could find something. Town like this and a man like him, you won’t.”

“Thanks,” You set another sci-fi novel in a pile. “I appreciate it, really.”

“I know it’s not much,” He frowned. 

“No, no, I’ll make do,” You assured him. “But Lu…”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t go getting yourself hurt over me.”

“I’m an old man.” He winked at you and grabbed another book, “I’ll do whatever I want.”

💀

You stopped in front of your mother’s house. You were tempted to kick over the metal beast that greeted you. It wasn’t hard to guess at its owner. You held your key up and admired it. A nice long scratch along the gas tank? Maybe a tear in the leather seat? You weren’t that stupid.

You took your usual detour to the back. Ash was sitting at the back door, growling. He perked up when you came through the gate but didn’t move. He let you pet him but you kept him outside as you slipped inside. You listened as you kicked off your shoes to the voices in the kitchen.

“That’ll be her,” Your mother said. She was friendly enough but you sensed the tension in her voice. “You need sugar?”

“No, black is fine,” Bucky answered and the hairs stood on your neck. 

You walked into the kitchen and ignored the man at the table as you crossed to your mother. She filled a mug with coffee as you set down the box of cookies. 

“Mom,” You greeted her with a smile and turned to the unexpected and unwanted visitor with arms crossed. “What do you want?”

“Hon, be nice,” Your mother poked you as she picked up the cup. “He just came here to talk.”

“Here,” You turned and took the mug from her. “You guys done talking then?”

“Not with me,” She said quietly and whispered as she turned her back to him. “Don’t go starting more trouble.”

You brushed past her and went to the table. You set the mug down and slid it across to him. “Fine. Talk.”

“You know, Mel, I think I’ll take some milk,” He said over your head.

You rolled your eyes as the fridge opened and closed. Your mother placed the carton of milk beside him with a small spoon and retreated.

“Now,” He poured the milk and stirred his coffee slowly. “I just wanted to see how the job hunt was going.”

“I think you know.” You sneered. “Mom, can you excuse us for a minute?”

“I don’t--” She began but stopped. “I’ll go check on Ash.”

You waited for her to leave. You folded your hands on the table and glared at Bucky.

“How dare you come into my mother’s house like this.” You snapped. “You think you’re scaring me?”

“If I wanted to scare you, you wouldn’t have walked into such a peaceable scene,” He returned evenly. “I don’t do half-measures.”

“Don’t you threaten her,” You retorted. “You can hound me but I will not have you going after her.”

“I haven’t done anything.” He smirked. “Really, you are paranoid. I have offered you a job and I have even offered my personal reference to your prospective employers.”

“Bullshit,” You said. “I know what you’re doing. I told you, I’m not interested. I got a job.”

“Oh?” He raised a brow. “Where’s that?”

“None of your business,” You snarled. “Now thank you for the offer but I will again politely decline it. Thank you.”

“How much?” He asked.

“What?” 

“How much is he paying you? I know it’s that grumpy old man with his books,” He scoffed. “Twelve hours a week. You think you can survive on that?”

“I think I told you no three times and I’m not gonna say it again.” You said.

“Sixteen an hour plus tips,” He took a drink of coffee. “People are generous when they drink.”

“Not interested.” You said through your teeth.

“Eighteen,” He countered. “Benefits too. You think Lucy gets her kids to the dentist for free.” You repeated yourself and he chuckled as he ran his fingertips along the stubble that lined his jaw. “Twenty.”

“You almost done your coffee?” You asked.

“You were a lot quieter in school,” He mused. “Didn’t realize you were so damn stubborn.”

“You need a waitress and you offering money like that, you can just head down to the Saucer and shout it out. They’ll be snapping at you.” You said.

His lips curled and he gripped the edge of the table. He took another gulp of coffee and cleared his throat. “I don’t know if you’re that oblivious or you’re playing with me.”

You were quiet. You stared at him dumbly. Heat crawled up your spine.

“I don’t want a waitress. I want you.” His jaw squared and his eyes sparked. “And while it was cute to see you holding that knife to my man’s throat, I can’t have you running around kicking dirt in my face.”

You swallowed and kept your expression staunch. “Not interested.” You enunciated the words carefully.

He clicked his tongue and tilted his head. He laughed darkly to himself and finished his coffee. His chair scraped loudly as he stood and took his coat off the back of it. He pulled the leather on as his eyes met yours. 

“You just remember what happened to your daddy.” He intoned.

“I don’t remember him at all,” You said through the twinge in your chest. “Your club made sure of that, didn’t they?”

He growled and rounded the table. You looked up at him as his fingertips glossed over the tabletop. He leaned down until his lips nearly touched your cheek. 

“You’ll remember your ma, though.” Your hand shot up and he recoiled, quick to catch it. He smiled as he squeezed your wrist. “You think about my offer one last time.” He said slowly. “You can come get your apron on Monday… or I’ll be dropping by on Tuesday.”

He stood straight and released you. He smoothed his leather jacket and strolled through to the back hallway. The door opened and you heard your mother’s surprised greeting and Bucky’s sickly farewell. Your mouth was dry and your heart raced as if you had just run a mile. 

You stared at the old oval frame between the windows. Your mother under the arm of a man who shouldn’t have been a stranger. A man who you seemingly took after. Who, despite his absence, could teach you an important lesson; know when to stop pushing your luck.

[missjanjie]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) | (9/9)

Title: Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) Summary: A sequel to Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer. Brooke Lynn and Vanessa are back at NYU, but with new and improved positions. Brooke’s ready to start her career as a professor when, as fate would have it, she realizes her TA, Jackie, might have the hots for a student named Jan. The couple just might see it as a sign to give two new girls the love story they found in the same place. Word Count: ~2.7k (this chapter) / 26,700 (total) Relationship(s): Branjie (Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo), Jankie (Jan Sport/Jackie Cox) Rating: E

read on ao3 | ko-fi

Chapter Summary: We pick back up a few months after Jackie and Jan make their relationship official and Brooke Lynn and Vanessa set their sights on their future daughter. Everything finally falls into place.

-

Three Months Later

It was nearing the middle of January, in the midst of winter break. Katya, Jan, and Jackie were in Brooke Lynn and Vanessa’s apartment, busily decorating and making sure every little thing was in place according to the couple’s specific instructions. This was the day they had been anticipating for quite some time, after all.

The three of them were setting up for a welcome home party, as while they were doing so, Brooke and Vanessa were on their way home with their daughter. The papers were signed, the documents were made official, they were finally going to officially welcome Ana Sofia into their family.

Although it did feel like they already had her – the moms-to-be had talked about her at length, read them every detail of her biography until they could recite it from memory. She was three years old, half-White and half-Puerto Rican – when the two of them read that on her file, they thought it had to be fate. The story of the girl’s parents wasn’t uncommon, but it was a situation they could feel sympathy towards – a nineteen-year-old girl had been in a relationship with a man nearly twice her age, who left once he found out about her pregnancy, only for the young mother to find out the father was leaving the country. With his wife.

Brooke Lynn and Vanessa had been contacted by the woman while they were in the midst of the adoption process. She was kind and soft-spoken and it was clear she had only wanted the best for her biological child. They had agreed to visit the idea of allowing a relationship between her and Ana Sofia when she was old enough.

“God, she looked so young,” Brooke Lynn had said once they had left the meeting. “Like, shit, she was Jan’s age when she had her… that’s how old you were when we met.”

“Can you imagine if I was pregnant when we met?” Vanessa asked, shaking her head.

“With the number of men you’ve threatened to castrate? No, not really.”

But even though they had gone through all of the preparation, had meticulously completed every step, the day of their new daughter’s arrival felt unreal. After the bedroom had been painted and carpeted, after all sorts of toys and stuffed animals had been purchased, after every inch of the apartment was childproofed, wrapping their heads around finally bringing their little girl home felt hard to do.

It wasn’t the first time they had met her, of course. They’d been having supervised visits for nearly two months. They had bonded with Ana Sofia, they loved her. She’d met the people in their lives – Jan, Jackie, Katya, she even got to meet Brooke’s mother when she visited for Christmas and Vanessa’s when they went there for New Year’s Eve.

“You ready to go inside?” Brooke gently asked the little girl, though she was the most nervous out of the three of them.

Ana Sofia looked up with her big, brown eyes and nodded, one hand holding Brooke’s and the other carrying the bright pink teddy bear they had bought for her. “Yeah!”

Vanessa opened the door to a cheerful greeting of ‘welcome home!’ and looked at the way her new daughter’s eyes lit up with enthusiasm. She carried Ana Sofia’s suitcases into her bedroom, letting the young girl run around and greet everyone. “Go on and make yourself comfy, Sofie,” she encouraged.

It didn’t take long for Sofie to get acclimated to the apartment she had already started to get used to, winding up on the couch with their cat on her lap.

“How are you guys feeling?” Katya asked the new mothers. She was calm in a way that would otherwise be unnerving, but without the normal ulterior motives, it was a welcome change.

“I haven’t been this excited since our wedding day,” Brooke replied with a broad grin, her arm looping around Vanessa’s waist. “It feels like this is what everything was leading up to. Like we’re finally whole.”

Vanessa nodded in agreement. “You shoulda seen her when we picked her up and told her she was coming home for good. You’d think we live in Disneyland or something,” she chuckled.

Katya grinned. “I can’t begin to tell you two how proud I am. You’ve come such a long way from two kids struggling to confront how they felt about each other, I don’t think I’d have ever predicted this.”

“We wouldn’t have been able to without your flagrant disregard for our personal boundaries, so thank you for that,” Brooke teased. “Though I guess we did learn from the best as far as that goes,” she added, cocking her head towards Jan and Jackie.

“They were worse than us, you gotta admit,” Vanessa chimed in.

“Yes,” she conceded, “which isn’t an easy task with what a nightmare you guys were. But I think they’re in it for the long haul too.”

Jan and Jackie were sitting with Ana Sofia on the couch, talking animatedly about all of the fun things they would be able to do, how much they were looking forward to babysitting her.

“We have to take her to a show at some point,” Jan mused, “maybe f-r-o-z-e-n,” she spelled it out, knowing better than to say it in front of a child and set her off in excitement.

Jackie chuckled softly in amusement. “Yeah, maybe for her birthday,” she mused, then looked down, clearing her throat. “Baby… can I talk to you privately for a moment?”

Jan’s brows knitted in concern, but she nodded and got up, following her girlfriend into the guest room. “What’s up?”

“I was gonna wait until later, but I can’t wait any longer,” she replied, rocking back and forth on her feet. She was always so careful with her words, especially with Jan. But she’d also learned from Jan that sometimes it was best to be direct. “I want you to move in with me.”

There was a beat of silence, a surprised Jan needed a moment to process what's been said. But then a broad grin spread across her lips and she nodded brightly. “Okay,” she threw her arms around Jackie, “I’d love to.”

Jackie’s entire body relaxed as a wave of relief washed over her. “Great. Amazing. Perfect. We can go back to your parents’ place to pack up your things whenever you’re ready. I mean, I don’t wanna rush you or anything, but I think it’d make sense before the semester–”

Jan cut her off by kissing her deeply. “Baby, I love you, but you talk way too fucking much when you’re overthinking,” she chuckled. “My parents will be thrilled to not have to pay for room and board, they’ll happily cover my share of the rent. We can go tomorrow or over the weekend, whatever,” she assured and kissed her again. “Just relax, we’re doing this. Everything is fine.”

“You’re right,” she exhaled, hugging her tightly. “I love you so much.”

Their tender moment was interrupted by a loud banging on the door. “Y’all better not be behaving inappropriately during my baby’s party!” Vanessa yelled.

Jan giggled and opened the door. “We’re not,” she promised, even though Jackie was blushing. “Actually… Jackie just asked me to move in with her.”

Vanessa’s scowl was instantly replaced by a bright grin. “For real? Congrats!” She turned to yell into the main room, “Brooke Lynn! Jan and Jackie are moving in together!” She then dragged the couple back out, holding each of them by the wrist, not that either of them were putting up any resistance. They both knew better than that.

Brooke looked up, chuckling warmly at the enthusiasm her wife had for the couple. “You guys are moving in together? Congrats. We’d offer to help but, you know, very busy with the new child.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll coerce Gigi and Crystal to help us. They can be bribed with weed and snacks,” Jan replied with a shrug and a light laugh.

“Oh, are we finally getting proof that Crystal exists?” Brooke asked with a light laugh. It had become something of an ongoing joke – Gigi talked about her all the time, often relentlessly, but none of them, other than Jan, had ever met Crystal. And even though Jan had, she liked to play along for the sole purpose of annoying her friend.

Jan laughed and nodded. “I promise we’ll FaceTime you when we have her here in the flesh.”

------

Jackie caught her breath as she came back upstairs after taking a pile of boxes to load up in the back of Jan’s father’s van. “I still can’t get over how nice your parents’ house is,” she remarked as the two of them sat on the floor of Jan’s bedroom, folding her clothes to pack into boxes. “I know you said your family was well off, but damn.”

Jan shrugged and awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck. “It’s not something I try to make a big deal about,” she explained, then looked up when the door opened and let out a soft laugh. “There you are. We were starting to worry you two got lost.”

“In our defense,” Gigi said as she and Crystal walked in, “we’ve never made this commute before. And we warned you neither of us have any sense of direction.”

“The Amtrak and I are enemies now. But at least we got Krispy Kreme while we waited,” Crystal added cheerily.

Jackie chuckled lightly. “And you didn’t bring any? Rude,” she clicked her tongue then looked to Jan. “Don’t forget, we promised Brooke and Vanjie we’d call to let Gigi prove Crystal isn’t a figment of her imagination.”

“Can you really prove I’m not?”

Jan and Jackie giggled while Gigi rolled her eyes and waited for Jan to get her phone out, calling up Brooke Lynn on FaceTime.

“Hey hun,” Brooke greeted. She was sitting with Vanessa and Ana Sofia, the sound of cartoons playing in the background. “How’s the big move going?”

Jan pushed herself to her feet. “Can’t complain, we’re not making ourselves crazy considering it’s not too bad of a commute. For us, anyway,” she pointedly looked at Crystal and Gigi at the last part.

“Show us the imaginary girlfriend!” Vanessa interrupted, leaning further into frame. “Katya thinks it’s gonna be Jackie with a wig on.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Gigi muttered under her breath, taking the phone from Jan and holding it up so she and Crystal were in the frame. “Vanjie, Brooke, tiny child, this is my girlfriend, Crystal. Who does exist.”

Crystal laughed softly. “Wow, this really bothered you,” she observed. “Why didn’t you just FaceTime me sooner?”

“Because we woulda called you a hologram,” Vanessa retorted before Gigi could answer, eliciting laughter from Brooke as well as Jan and Jackie.

Gigi pouted and crossed her arms. “I hate all of you,” she muttered, then added, “except for the kid, she’s cool.” And with that, she hung up and handed the phone back to Jan.

Jan chuckled and put her phone away. “You’re so cranky,” she cooed, getting up and grabbing her purse. “Here, let me smoke you out now. It’s the least I could do,” she offered, placing a joint between Gigi’s pouting lips and lighting it, watching her friend relax and smoke in spite of herself.

Jackie watched in mild amusement before glancing down as her phone went off. “Aw, Jaida just got back from Milwaukee and Nicky was waiting for her at the airport,” she read off her phone, then held it up to show the selfie Jaida had taken of the two of them.

“Wonder whatever happened to Nicky’s ‘no dating until graduation’ rule,” Jan mused with a laugh as she went back to folding shirts and packing them away. “Or are they still ‘not putting a label on it’?”

“The latter,” she confirmed. “But I know Jaida, she’s not gonna put up with that forever. She called me out on my bullshit plenty and she’s not the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ type.”

“I just love that Nicky’s role in your life is essentially the girl that fucks the women closest to you. It feels like a metaphor or something. Frankly, I think you need to have sex with her just to bring it all full circle,” Gigi mused, to which Jackie responded by throwing a pair of jeans at her.

“Fuck off,” Jackie laughed. “I’d much rather her fuck my best friend than my girlfriend any day.”

Jan offered her a reassuring smile and nod. “There’s no plans on that happening again, don’t you worry… unless you want a threesome,” she joked.

“Hey Jan,” Crystal interrupted, “when do you hear back from that thing you auditioned for? What was it again?”

The calm smile on Jan’s lips shifted into a nervous one. She stopped folding, instead fiddling with the fabric in her hands. “It’s an official shadow cast production for The Rocky Horror Picture Show, a solid five week stint. The website is posting callbacks on Thursday morning, then they post who made the final cut I think… four days after that.”

Jackie scoffed playfully. “Right, ‘if’. Baby, you know you have that on lock, just like you got Veronica without breaking a sweat.”

“I broke many sweats, but I appreciate the vote of confidence.”

------

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Jan did receive a callback and, four days later, was incessantly refreshing the company’s website waiting for the cast list to be posted. The list was set to go up at nine in the morning, but she had been checking since a quarter to, just in case. “God, what’s taking so fucking long?”

Jackie watched, trying her hardest not to laugh. “Honey, it’s five after. Take a breath before you pop a blood vess–”

“It’s up!”

She rushed to her girlfriend’s side, hand gripping onto the back of the desk chair tight enough to turn her knuckles white. “Well?”

“I got Janet!”

The two of them jumped up in tandem, hugging and squealing in pure elation. “Oh my god!” Jan beamed, “this is so exciting!”

Jackie pressed kisses over Jan’s face, culminating with a tender kiss to the lips. “I knew you would get it. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank god I’m living with you now,” she mused out loud, “juggling this with classes, as excited as I am, I just know I’d let myself get way too overwhelmed and no one keeps me grounded like you do.” They had learned about this in the last few weeks before Heathers. Jan had been on the brink of a nervous breakdown and only Jackie had been able to talk her down.

“I’m happy to be that anchor for you,” Jackie smiled. “And if this ends up being like Heathers and you need help rehearsing the ‘sexy’ song…”

Jan giggled, hiding her face against the crook of Jackie’s neck. “Yeah? You’re gonna be my Rocky while I work on ‘Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me’? It’s a very different sexual energy than ‘Dead Girl Walking’.”

She tilted her head. “I don’t think they’re that different, but the end goal of using it as foreplay remains the same.”

“I can’t argue with that,” she conceded, sitting down on the bed. “Did you ever think this would be where we would end up after that night? When we thought we’d broken down a big wall by giving in to our unavoidable lust?”

“Not for a second,” Jackie admitted with a laugh, sitting beside her. “I hoped it was the start of something, but falling in love with you was never in the cards.”

Jan smiled and rested her head on Jackie’s shoulder. “Me neither. But I wouldn’t change a thing. The rollercoaster we were on brought us right to where we needed to be.”

“It did,” Jackie took Jan’s hand in her own and squeezed it. “It really did.” She looked up and out the window. “Do you think history will repeat itself again? That a few years down the line we’ll find our own pair of useless lesbians to play dysfunctional cupid with?”

She chuckled softly and shrugged. “I dunno. I remember Vanjie told me how once you’re in love, it’s easier to see it happen to other people. I guess anything is possible.”

[outspokensarchive]

new york’s very own devin bahar was spotted on broadway street , with a striking semblance to bella hadid ! you may know them as @d.bahar or hitting the front page of tmz as bahar donates 2m dollars and pieces from her latest clothing release to various womens shelters around the city . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-fourth birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being a workaholic , but also ambitious . things that would paint a better picture of you would be compassion, taking photographs of the city, & the night sky . ( cisfemale + she/her  ) +  (  katie , 22 , she/her , est ).

Hello, yes, I am so dang-shabang excited to see Wealthy back ( back, back again ) ! This introduction is going to be a hella-mess because I haven’t written an intro in months so, bare with me here. But I’m Katie — your local anti-social, anxiety filled, overly stressed college student — and I am going to attempt to write up a somewhat quick intro on my bby Devin — your overly stressed, intense workaholic, “vacation-who?”, with 300+ occupations because 299 just isn’t good enough, mom friend.

PERSONALITY & QUICK THINGS ;

Very much a perfectionist when it comes to her own work. Will spend countless hours looking over the same exact details of the same project until she’s positive it’s exactly how she wants it.

Tries to be a positive influence and energy in the world. Definitely the type of person you can turn to when you’re having a bad day and you need someone that naturally gives off positive, pleasant energy. Or if you’re looking for someone that’s willing to bend over backwards, sideways, and do two backflips to try and help you feel better.

Very, very much a giver. She always tries to find ways to be as helpful as possible to others, wanting everyone to feel loved and like they belong.

Has a like-dislike relationship with social gatherings. Enjoys making new friends and tends to enjoy being around people, for the most part. But after some amount of time, she often becomes exhausted by being around too many people at once. It tends to be emotionally draining, in a way, for her. Along with the fact that she’s not a ‘party person’, this is partly why she doesn’t go to many big social events unless they��re more work-related — very much a homebody, in a sense.

Talkative when she feels a certain amount of comfort around someone, somewhat quiet and pretty closed-off if she doesn’t.

Generous and giving, far from greedy. Prefers to help others and share the wealth she has earned, rather than keep it all to her self. She’s greatly involved in charities and often helps plans events and donates frequently. 

Doesn’t ? Really ? Get ? Angry ? Might get slightly put off, somewhat irked, annoyed-maybe, but angry hasn’t really ever been a thing ? 

Has the patience of a saint I tell you — I could never.

A very organized, neat, and clean person. Is very much the type of person where she has labeled jars in her kitchen for spices and just about everything in her home has a specific place. No doubt, has her own label maker tbh. Absolutely has a planner that she actually uses.

Is the type of person to try and be there for everyone — but never expects people to be there for her. You’ll find her always offering her shoulder to lean on and being there if you need someone to talk to but there’s very few people she’ll actually talk to about her own problems.

EXTRA INFORMATION LINKS ;

about page !

listen this has everything: a biography section ( i.. haven’t looked it over since i last edited it so don’t @ me ), statistics with it’s own information, a quick facts tab that should be entirely different from my intro facts if i remember right from the last time i edited it, and a section entirely dedicated to my love for taking quizzes and tests to get to know characters.

i’m always adding to it tbh

pinterest board !

spotify playlist !

musings tag !

connections page !

wanted connections tag !

I think that’s all for this? I have a ton of information on her about page so I wanted to keep this pretty quick and simple. I also procrastinated an assignment that I need to get done so — priorities. But if there’s anything else you’d like to know about my bby bean that wasn’t on here or on any of her other pages, absolutely feel free to hit me up because I can ramble for hours tbh. But if you wanna’ plot, feel free to shoot a message my way here or on di*cord @ katie#7666, because I might be the !worst at plotting, but I do be out here trying my absolute best.

[skybird13]

Clover and Qrow (or: The Importance of Relationships in Fiction)

I started writing this in response to @fairgame-is-endgame​‘s post here, but I figured I hijack enough of his posts and this got rather lengthy (🤷‍♂️ it’s me, so go figure). Please do go see the post so you have context. It’s a super short but very meaningful observation that I’ve been wanting to address anyway, so here it goes.

What gets me about this particular complaint is the fact that apparently, in the minds of some people, relationship building isn’t multifunctional in storytelling. People constantly accuse shippers of caring about nothing but the romance (and I admit, there are some shippers who are totally in it for the enjoyment of the romance, and there is nothing wrong with that, just let people have their fun for god’s sake). But a good percentage of us are running around performing doctorate level psychoanalyses and writing what could easily turn into Ph.D. theses (if some of us were so inclined) on not only the interactions between these two characters, but the ramifications on the individual development for each of them, the implications behind their connection, and how all of that can work together to build a stronger story overall.

Yes. Qrow’s screentime in volume 7 has been all about his connection with Clover (outside of that beautiful scene he had with Ruby in chapter… 4, was it? I don’t remember but y’all know which scene I’m talking about where he actually reassumes the role of the adult in their relationship, so much love for him). You know what lies inside that connection?

His healing, for one. Volumes 3-6 took Qrow through one hell of a character arc. He went from having a purpose to losing it, to falling into a serious depression and a bad, bad place with his alcohol abuse, and finally to a place where he started to drag himself out of that hole. CRWBY could have taken him literally anywhere in volume 7. Hell, they could have left his development right there for the entire volume and had him present solely to support Ruby and the others. But what did they do instead? They carried on his arc by giving him one of the many things he needs to heal: a healthy and functional connection with another human being. He hasn’t just been some background shadow there to back up Ruby (which would have been poor writing); he’s had his own development, brief but very carefully crafted to showcase how the end of volume 6 changed him and what he’s trying to do to cope with his mental illness and addiction. He’s openly acknowledging his problems and trying to deal with them. He is working with another person without complaint or fear that we have seen, and we all know how huge that is for him!

Story possibilities run rampant because of his relationship with Clover. Qrow has always been one of the most interesting and dangerous characters in RWBY, and that was as a depressed alcoholic. Can you imagine his potential as someone who is actively working towards being healthy? I’ve brought up the possibilities of what we might see if Clover can somehow help him gain control of his Semblance, and I don’t think that can be overstated. I find it very hard to believe that two characters who, especially when together, can manipulate probability won’t be instrumental in whatever RWBY and JNOR have to do to take down Salem.

And that’s not even getting into the potential impact that Qrow might have on Clover’s development. Some of y’all complaining because we don’t have much on him yet, but good lord, he was just introduced! And his introduction came in a volume bursting at the seams with plots and subplots and a hundred different things going on. Give him some room to breathe and develop over the next couple of volumes. (I also argue that if you have any critical thinking skills whatsoever, we actually have quite a lot on who he is as a person at the very least, even if we still know nothing about his backstory. Speaking of which!!! Did we get Ren’s backstory in volume 1 or 2? No! It came in volume 4. How about Ruby’s or Yang’s? Nope. Their backstory was piecemealed out across the earlier volumes. Weiss’s? Same thing. Blake’s? Same thing. Qrow’s? … you get my point. If you want a straightforward biography, don’t watch fiction.)

*deep breath*

Anyway, my point is that I’ve seen more than one comment complaining about shippers and even romantic relationships in canon because, somehow in some people’s opinion, interpersonal relationships (particularly romantic ones) detract from the story. But do you want to know what story is built on? What the best stories absolutely revolve around? Character. Wanna know what you have to have for good characters? Individual mental and emotional development. Change. And yes, relationships.

The relationship between Clover and Qrow (or Nora and Ren or Blake and Yang or anyone else) doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s all a part of the tapestry of the story that is RWBY. Pull the relationships out and you have something threadbare and boring as hell. I love the plot. I love the fight scenes. You have no idea how excited I am to see Qrow in action in the next episode, particularly as a member of a team again. I want some Harbinger action as much as the next person. But that’s not what keeps me coming back every week. I want to see Qrow fight because I love him as a character. Because I want to see how he’s changed, how he’s developed, how he’s going to function in this team unit after being alone for so long. The fights mean nothing to me if I don’t care about the characters involved. And a plot not driven by character motivation and change (while possible) too often feels forced and contrived. You want a good natural, genuine feel to a plot? Then what you’re looking for is a plot that is character-driven. And what did I just say about the things needed for good character?

Look, if some of you are totally fine checking in every week just to see some combat action, that’s cool. Whatever works for you is what works for you and I’m not going to criticize you for it. But don’t you dare come after those of us who are here for characters and character development like we’re some substandard blight on the fandom. Can shipping get out of control? Absolutely. Are relationships written badly in fiction all the time and are thereby guilty of detracting from a story? Of course. But the relationships in RWBY, and particularly the relationship between Clover and Qrow, are not guilty of that. (Hell, this is a show all about relationships and the strength we can get from those we love and care about! What the hell do you think activates Ruby’s eyes???) This relationship, like every other one in the show, is there for a reason, and as much as some of us (myself unapologetically included) might screech about the eye contact and the flirting and the potential meaning behind the tiniest interactions, there is a depth inherent in their connection that goes beyond a surface level romance. It’s all about who they are, what drives them, what they have to overcome, what changes they might still need to go through, what roles they still have to play in the story, and how they might push each other in new and different ways to become who they need to become in order to do what they need to do.

And that, my friends, is what we’re actually here for.

[kamenriderlogik27]

FINALLY BACK IN SABER!!!

PrFor the past... two months?.... I’ve been taking a break from watching Saber. Mostly due to personal reasons but also because I hate it when a very dumb and small misunderstanding (especially when the cause is from a new outsider character that totally has evil intentions. looking at you Sabela +-+) ruins such good friendships and bonds. Anyway, I decided to get back into it ‘cause I was SUPER curious at what was going on AND and kinda had a feeling that the misunderstanding situation was about to end soon. and omgosh I’m so glad I took a break! If I had gone through with watching each ep every week, I would have gone crazy with stress! There’s so much going on!!! yet I’m also glad that Toei FINALLY calmed us down with the pacing! I’m gonna try to talk about everything regarding episode 16 up to 25 so please bare with me. I think I might end up talking about the Zi-o VS Decade and Zenkaiger stuff too after this post~

1. When I say that I hate it when a stupid misunderstanding causes friends to turn on each other, I mean it. I absolutely hate it when a story goes down this path. especially after an episode that basically sealed a strong bond between all the characters. But... honestly, after watching it in Saber.... it has a sort of beauty to it, if that makes any sense. Kind of like Mono No Aware. I honestly feel like this situation really fit well with the plot and we got to see our swordsmen struggle with their own logic and feelings. Especially Rintaro. Poor baby didn’t know what to do, and yet still believed in Touma. Omgosh that rooftop scene with him and Mei! <3 That was probably one of the best scenes this series ever produced! I also loved how we got to see Touma personally struggle about the whole situation instead of just being mad at his friends for attacking him and not trusting him. Which is what I originally thought would happen tbh which is why I was scared to watch this batch of episodes. I’m so glad I was wrong!!! 

2. Yuri! I honestly believe that Yuri is such a great addition to the cast! He’s logical, curious, and yet has a good open mind about things. Instead of going with what he USED to know, he’s willing to listen and learn from Touma. Which I really like! Plus, the comic relief he adds is so awesome! Every episode so far I’m also looking forward to what Yuri will do just out of his own curiosity or blunt attitude. 

3. speaking of attitude, I feel like Touma is showing more personality now than compared to the first few episodes. Which is a huge relief! He was starting off as a kind of boring main rider and seemed flat. He’s still got ways to go, but I think his personality is getting better. Plus, I’m really interested in his past. If Luna is really the one that got him into reading, then is he really from Wonderworld like we’re told? Just who is he really? Is his last name really Kamiyama? What happened to him after he lost his memories? Did he get adopted? There has to be a reason why Rekka and the wonder ridebooks keep chosing him. ugh! I’m so curious!!!!! 

4. I can’t remember her name right now, so I’ll just call her Sabela. But omgosh I don’t know whether to hate her or pity her. I feel like she can work as an awesome villain, but just like other posts I’ve seen, it’d be such a shame if she ended up like Yaiba Yua. And, I honestly don’t want her to randomly become a hero like Amatsu Gai. Toei please just keep her as an awesome villain! 

5. Rintaro and Mei! omgosh Toei BETTER get them a kiss scene or something because they’re TOTALLY falling in love and I wanna see a proper kiss scene!! If Takamichi Cristalia can kiss a pink ranger, the the secondary rider can kiss the main rider girl!! No joke though, sometimes I can’t help but feel like Touma has feelings for Mei..... which I know probably is just me overthinking, but that’d be a really interesting addition to the plot. Has there ever been a love triangle between the main rider, secondary rider and main rider girl before? hmm.... 

6. Primitive Dragon!!!!!!! holy crap!!!!!!! I don’t know if I’ve ever said this before, but I FRICKIN’ LOVE BERSERK FORMS!!!!!!! I don’t know why, but the idea of the main character obtaining a power that choses him and yet he has no way of controlling said power, just interests the heck out of me! I feel like Touma REALLY needed one too! Like I said before, his character has been really flat from the start, so when he obtained this strange, ancient power that he can’t control at all, so much more is added to his character! Fear of the unknown, fear of being the one that hurts his friends, an intent to find out what’s behind the power, curiosity of why it chose him. Just so much can be added! I haven’t been this excited since Metal Cluster hopper was introduced! XD 

7. The master of logos... or master logos? is it? he kind of gives off final boss vibes. But he could also be the sort of ‘misunderstood guy that’s just trying to do good things in a very... seemingly evil way’. if that makes any sense. I’m really looking forward to his involvement with everything. Especially if he’s like, Touma’s long-lost-brother or uncle. Low-key hoping that he’s related to Touma. (like I said, I REALLY wanna know more about Touma’s past)

8. Ren like always is being a brat. But I did like how he’s actually giving what Ogami said to him some thought. Ever since watching his episode of the swordsmen biographies, I honestly thought that Ren might just end up going off with Dissast and betraying everyone. But now, especially with Kento’s return, I feel like Ren might learn and mature a bit. Heck, he might even start looking up to Touma for all we know. (that’s just a theory) 

9. Storious so far is my favorite of the three Megido. I don’t know if it’s because he’s played by Robin or what, but I’m always looking forward to his scenes. The Megido also make me curious about their backstories. Just why are they looking for more power? why do they want to rewrite the world? I’m so excited to learn more about them!    

10. And finally!!! Kento’s back!!!!!! I know that he must be under some kind of influence via Kurayami ( or not considering what he’s had to go through) and probably isn’t all THAT back. but still! he’s back! Now Toei, put him back in the opening and ending credits! I had already theorized that he’d be the new Caliber, but now that I see it, I just want him to be Espada again. Poor baby. Though, considering that Sabela is the one that took Kurayami, does this mean that he’s under her influence and working for her? hmmm.... This is gonna get interesting~ 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #394

“just want one thing  /  just to play the king  /  but the castle’s crumbled and you’re left with just a name  /  where’s your crown, king nothing?”

Do you have your ears pierced more than once? Yeah; I have two in my earlobes and my right tragus pierced. I used to have a cartilage and anti-tragus piercing, but they closed when I had to take them out at the hospital. -_- Do you use an electric toothbrush? Yep. Have you ever seen a queen bee outside its hive? I don't believe so? Have you ever used Duolingo? No. Do you think the number 13 is unlucky? No. Which Clue (or Cluedo) character is your favourite? I always played Scarlet because I thought she was pretty. Do you have any novelty ice cube trays? No. Have you ever had a bad experience meeting a bf’s/gf’s parents? No. Do you get sick of eating turkey during the holidays? I don't eat turkey because I don't like it. I have honey spiral ham instead. Have you ever danced on a table? No. Did you have a lot of fun as a little kid? Yeah. Is there someone you can talk to all day, never running out of stuff to say? Some days. Ham or turkey? Ham. Would you rather eat nothing but fruits or nothing but cheese sandwiches? Fruit. What’s the last song you sung along to? I think Shinedown's "Get Up" while I was in the car. You get to be in any tv series or movie. (old/new) What are you choosing? Let's seeee... maybe Wonderland! Do you meditate? No; it actually stresses me out because I can't completely clear my head. What’s your go-to song when you’re angry? "Headache" by Motionless In White is a good one. What do you think about the most? My weight, honestly. It's at least an itching thought in my head at ALL times. Just being able to feel that I'm overweight and simply glimpsing a fatty part of my body is so, so upsetting. I usually look in the mirror to see if my face is slimmer whenever I pass one, or I'll grasp a part of my body to just feel if I've lost weight there. I could really go on and on about this, but I'd rather not, given it's depressing me talking about it. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating to me. Any animals whose behaviors you find particularly interesting? ALL animals! Meerkats, however, quite obviously top my list. I love love love social animals, and their behaviors and deep connections remind me of just how human animals really can be, but honestly better half the time. What are your thoughts on gun control? There MUST be reform. I don't think entirely taking away the right to bear arms is the answer, but there needs, needs, NEEDS to be some serious tidying up regarding it. I believe it should be much more difficult to legally obtain a firearm with very extensive background checks and things of the like. I firmly do believe it would help SOME to prevent gun violence. Nothing is ever going to completely stop it unless firearms just cease to exist, but anything that helps reduce it is worth it. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? Absolutely not. Big cats are extremely dangerous with strong hunting instincts, and besides putting my life at risk, I am not forcing a large animal into a small space. Do you like animals better than most humans? Sure as hell do. What simple things in life bring you the most joy? Hearing birds chirping in the morning, crickets and toads at night, starting my soda for the day (rip), watching snow fall, feeling a cool breeze on a nice day with the windows open, my pets wanting to cuddle... just to name a few. I massively appreciate the small things, so I could make this a very long list. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, fresh baked bread, lilac, honeysuckles, etc. Ever found anything cool at a thrift store? What was it? Yeah! I've found some dragon figurines I use for decor, but the absolute coolest has to be this shipwreck lamp that I bought. I love flea markets. How do you find new music to listen to when you want it? YouTube recommendations, usually. Do you like all those dystopian future books/movies? They're all right. If you collect anything, what is your favorite piece of that collection? I collect two types of things: meerkat-oriented and Silent Hill stuff. My favorite part of my meerkat collection is Rebel, my super cute plushy that Jason got me. I slept with it for years and even now that we're done, I still hold the little guy very dear to me. My favorite SH piece I have is a limited edition, Japanese flyer for Silent Hill: Revelation that I won in a giveaway. How did you meet your significant other (if you have one)? N/A How did you meet your best friend? Via YouTube. Your favorite place to be aside from your home? Sara's house. Do you have any favorite books you’d like to have signed by the author? It'd be dooooope if I could have Tim Clutton-Brock sign my copy of Flower's biography. Do you like any board games or card games? I mean yeah. Not a lot, but some. What is your least favorite beverage? Of the things I've tried, probably black coffee. Do you like Breaking Benjamin? I do! What kind of music do you like? Metal, rock, alternative, and indie. Do you like guys with long hair? Yes. Have you ever seen an elephant? Yes. How many people of the opposite sex have you told you loved them? One, if you mean romantically. Do you and your mom get along? Yeah, we're really close. Have you ever had to change your phone number? Twice that I recall. I got a creepy text once, and another with threats. Ever been bitten by a spider? Not to my knowledge. When you were little did you jump in puddles? Oh, absolutely. Bugs: Cool or gross. Even though I'm scared of some of them, they're certainly still cool. Well, most. Do you wear a toe ring? No, I don't find those attractive at all. Have you ever had to babysit before? Twice, even though I didn't want to. Do you actually eat your fortune cookie, if you get one? Yeah, I like 'em. What's your favorite thing about cats? I enjoy how calm and independent they are. Salt, or pepper? I like both, but I prefer to have salt. Think of an ex. What's his favorite color? Jason's were green and purple. Which is better, the taste, or smell of coffee? I only like the smell. What item appears the most in your room? Meerkat stuff. Liquid eyeliner, is good, or totally sucks? My hands are WAY too shaky for that. Has a stray dog ever tried to bite you? No. Do you currently have any bug bites? No. Do you multitask well? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Do you know what an "AMV" is? Yes, because I used to make them and am considering getting back into it. What’s one award show you have to watch every year? None. Who do you like more: the Batman or the Joker? The Joker. Have you ever had a pet rock? I don't recall, actually? I might have as a little kid. Haha, there was one April Fool's Day that Mark sold rocks with his mustached "M" on them, and I SO wanted one. He gave all the earnings to a charity that I can't remember, so that also really made me wanna get one, but yeah, I was NOT asking Mom for even a small amount of money for a rock, haha. She woulda been so fucking confused. Do you know anyone with a lazy eye? Knew, rather. Did your parents let you have pets when you were a kid? Yes. What band was on the last band t-shirt you wore? Ummmm... I'm not sure. Maybe Korn? What’s the last movie you watched at a friend’s house? Elf, I believe? Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yep. Do you own a teapot? No. Did you have a GI Joe when you were a kid? No. What is the origin of your last name? Irish. Do you ever use the "n"-word? NO. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? It would depend on the person, but probably some sort of lip ring(s). What is your salad dressing of choice? Ranch, or the kind from Olive Garden. Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yes. I wrote a massive essay on toxic masculinity during my last college attempt. I got WAY more into it than I thought I would.

[troublecominghq]

character name(s)/alias/etc: jesper fahey / the sharp shooter.

character age and date of birth: 21, april 22nd year 100.

character's pronouns/gender identity/romantic & sexual identity: he/him mostly, but vibes with any tbh. genderfluid. bisexual, biromantic & polyam.

character faceclaim: kit young.

oc or canon + which fandom affiliated with: canon, grishaverse.

currently located: the slat, ketterdam.

moral alignment + people/groups etc they are aligned to: chaotic neutral, jesper is one of the last people to be seen following any rules, but he also doesn’t have evil intentions really. he’s a chaotic entity, sure, but there aren’t any overly bad or overly good motivations to it. jesper is entirely aligned and loyal to the dregs/crows, and though he can be reckless at times with it, he cannot be shaken on that.

tell us about their personality/the kind of character they are/what kind of goals etc they have: charming, witty, a touch full of himself, but jesper has a true heart. he’s not above doing dodgy shit to get what he or the crows want/need, and he certainly dabbles in plenty of vices, but he’s not a horrible, evil person. he doesn’t believe in the oppression of others, unless that ‘other’ is some rich fuck getting off on making the lesser suffer. jesper ‘eat the rich but i also wanna be rich’ fahey. jesper can be incredibly reckless, loudmouthed and overly confident. he’s got a habit for fucking shit up though most of the time it’s not intentional, but in the end, even some of his most chaotic of methods get shit done. there just… might be a bit of a detour first. which, on the note of: jesper has a bad habit for even worse decisions. a gambler, an addict to the rush, jesper has a lot of issues around this and relishes in figuring the odds on most things. the downside is that although jesper definitely isn’t suicidal, he takes a lot of risks with his own life. jesper can be a jittery, anxious person at times and he specifically uses these outlets-- gambling, even fighting to get a fix of an adrenaline rush and soothe it. however, in spite of all of this, jesper has a lot of self esteem issues and doesn’t have a genuine, high value on himself. he has a grandiose and exaggerated personality, but the fact is, so much of it is for show and to cover up his many flaws and the parts of himself he hates. he tends to look to his peers-- the crows especially, those he loves and is dedicated to above all else-- for validation. jesper’s goals are simple, to an extent. they don’t align with big, grand ideas as such and are far more personal. he wants to pay off his debts. he wants to live comfortably, rich and content but he doesn’t want to push down others like him to do it. he knows his issues with gambling will likely prevent it, but he clings on to the small dream and that he could undo the mess he’s made of his life since moving to ketterdam. he wants to see his fellow crows happy, to do what he can to help their plans and gains. he kinda would love to see the old fucks of the city taken down a peg or twenty.

biography: born to a kaelish father and zemeni mother, jesper grew up on a jurda farm in novyi zem, close to the western mountains. tragedy struck jesper’s life early with the death of his mother, a grisha, who died using her powers to protect two young girls from poison. in fear of the same happening to his son, jesper’s father discouraged him from using his own powers, insisting he let them go dormant. jesper obeyed, growing up with a fear for his own powers and an internalised hatred-- not for grisha, but simply for his own powers and self. however, grisha that fail to use their powers tend to suffer ‘sicknesses’. in jesper, this presents itself in a seemingly never ending supply of energy building up inside of him, and is why he often seems anxious and jittery and in need of the outlet he uses for it-- gambling and other reckless, adrenaline inducing vices.

coming to ketterdam for university was supposed to be a turning point in jesper’s life. and to an extent, it was. just not in the way he’d planned. drawn in by the lifestyles on offer, jesper very quickly developed a gambling addiction and as such, he ended up dropping out of university early into his new life in ketterdam. this is where he began to dabble in crime, taking on jobs for multiple different gangs in order to pay off his debts, only to repeat the cycle. this broke at least partially when he met kaz brekker who saved him from a severe beating and took him on as a member of the dregs. in spite of his flaws, jesper is an incredibly talented sharp shooter and an asset to the gang. he’s a quick thinker, and easily adjusts when things don’t go as planned.

jesper was quick to join kaz on the job to find and kidnap the alleged sun summoner and had one hell of a time crossing the fold, delving into more heists and general causing chaos in ravka. tragically though, things didn’t quite go as planned and the crows had to return to ketterdam without a prize but, hey, at least they survived? but that didn’t mean it was an easy return by any means, not when their exit had left so many loose ends in the first place and brought more enemies to the table than planned. but jesper’s faith in kaz never failed, and thankfully, it wasn’t misplaced. some bribery here, a little heartrending beautiful tweaks there and eventually, things were back on track for the crows. jesper knew there was still a threat lurking though, but it didn’t stop him from diving right back into his usual chaotic life. till, that was, a new job came to the table. the biggest one yet and promising a lot more than a million kruge split three ways.

breaking into the fjerdan ice court was a shit show, but one that, in spite of the fuck ups, jesper relished in. the exact kind of thrill he thrived on. of course, until one of their own is kidnapped. but in true crows fashion, they go just as hard, if not harder to get inej back and completely destroy jan van eck. for once, things finally work. maybe not as planned entirely, but they get their win. the dregs come out on top, and jesper feels somewhat settled in knowing that he finally managed to begin to make things right not only with his friends, but with his father too.

but now, he has a whole lot of actual secure looking future to play with and he has to wonder: what beautiful way can he play with that? because he’s far from done with being a chaotic lil fuck.

for those writing canon grishaverse characters particularly from the s&b trilogy, please outline any instances of divergence you wish to include within your portrayal, even if it’s already been mentioned in the biography: when it comes to jesper, i’m chill to keep pretty much everything established in the books while of course, having included the show details too!

[thewidowstanton]

The Widow’s best of 2020

Well… during a year when we haven’t been able to see many live shows we’ve still managed to find lots of things we loved. Here are some of them; live shows are indicated, otherwise we watched them online – our grateful thanks go to all the companies that streamed their productions for free – listened to them or read them. You’ll notice that our list includes lots of women and the occasional man.

But before that we start with a new category…

PERSON OF THE YEAR: Circus director Carol Gandey (pictured) of Gandeys Circus. If UK touring circus – an artform championed by The Widow’s Liz Arratoon for more than 25 years – is to survive Covid-19, it will be in large part to her. Gandeys had produced three shows before the UK’s March lockdown, two of which never had a chance to open, incurring hundreds of thousands of pounds in costs. It then provided accommodation and living expenses for 33 stranded artists, and meanwhile developed an air-flow working model for circus – trialling an opening at Butlins – which gave the government enough confidence to allow circuses to reopen with reduced seating capacities.  

Carol constantly lobbied the government and the Arts Council for aid – as did other industry figures – and her application to the Arts Council Recovery Fund, which was said to be exceptional, resulted in a £1.1 million grant; the largest amount awarded to any UK circus company. Gandeys used some of the money to cover the losses due to the lockdown, and to fund a survival package that included some reduced-capacity performances this autumn, as well as funding the production costs for reopening in 2021.

From one strong and inspirational woman to another…

BEST EXTRAVAGANZA: Rhianna’s Savage X Fenty Volume 2 TV special for her lingerie range. Wow! What a mix! This was an explosion of creativity; part fashion show, part dance show, part gig, part circus, part ad, and included a simply stunning floral set. Add a cast of big names, a wonderfully diverse choice of dancers and models, no expense had been spared. Exciting, fresh and really impressive.

BEST LIVE SHOW: Zebra, a solo show by juggling genius Wes Peden, which was part of the London International Mime Festival at the Southbank Centre’s Purcell Room.

BEST CIRCUS SHOW: The really inventive CAPAS by Circo Eia (pictured) – so great to see so many new ideas, and here’s our chat with cast member Francesca Lissia. Plus the intricate and dazzling Twenty Twenty by Gandini Juggling. 

BEST DANCE SHOW: Faust by the Ballets de Monte-Carlo, featuring the spectral Bernice Coppieters (pictured) as Death; and Cia de Dança Deborah Colker’s super-stylish Belle, inspired by the novel Belle de Jour.

BEST KIDS’ SHOW: Little Angel Theatre’s hat trilogy, presented by puppeteer Ian Nicholson; an adaptation of the picture books by Jon Klassen: I Want My Hat Back, This Is Not My Hat and We Found a Hat.

BEST COSTUME: The Widow has always considered costumes to be extremely important. As Federico Fellini said: “Don’t forget that costumes, like dreams, are symbolic communication,” and frankly we wish more artists would make the sort of effort Dua Lipa made on Saturday Night Live!

Staying with costumes… slightly less glamorous, but an effort was made by Hot Mess in party-sketch work-in-progress Dirty Stop Outs.

MOST EXCITING: Meeting Marina Abramović in the foyer at London’s Barbican before the Efterklang gig.

BEST SHOWGIRLS: Seen in the 1972 film Un Flic; costumes by Colette Baudot. Also featured is a stunning black dress, worn by Catherine Deneuve, designed by Yves Saint Laurent.

BEST BURLESQUE: Lady of Burlesque, starring Barbara Stanwyck, who wears costumes by the great Edith Head.

BEST FILM CREDITS: Sudden Fear, starring Joan Crawford as a scorned – but impeccably dressed – woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown! 

BEST CASTAWAY: Hard to choose between Rupert Everett, Ian Wright or Daniel Radcliffe, who all washed up on BBC Radio 4′s Desert Island Discs.

BEST SHOWBIZ STORY: Catherine Russell – on Outlook, BBC Radio 4 – who has played the same role for 32 years and said the same lines more than 13,000 times. She holds the world record for the most theatre performances in the same role; Margaret Thorne Brent – a psychiatrist who might also be a cold-blooded killer – in the off-Broadway play Perfect Crime.

BEST TV SERIES: It was a close call with The Queen’s Gambit, but our choice is the utterly brilliant My Brilliant Friend; the adaptation of Elena Ferrante’s series of Neapolitan novels. 

BEST DOCUMENTARY: The Bee Gees – How Can You Mend a Broken Heart.

BEST CABARET PIC: The ever-lovely Eve Ferret at the Crazy Coqs in London. Picture: @marc_t_albert 

BEST SHOWBIZ MEMOIR: John Cooper Clarke’s I Wanna Be Yours.

BEST SHOWBIZ BIOGRAPHY: Jon Gresham: The Life and Adventures of a Sideshow Showman, Fire-Eater and Magician by Edwin A Dawes, Pat Gresham and Jon Marshall. This is a painstakingly detailed and enthralling account of Gresham’s life, lovingly compiled by his widow and friends from material written by Gresham himself. Want one? Details below.

BEST SHOWBIZ AUTOBIOGRAPHY: The heartbreaking Everything and Nothing: The Dorothy Dandridge Tragedy by Dorothy Dandridge and Earl Conrad. The revealing autobiography of Hollywood’s first African-American sex symbol and screen legend.

BEST GIG: Sevdaliza’s only show this year, streamed live from The Hague's Koninklijke Schouwburg (Royal Theatre) to a global audience.

BEST SONG: Désormais by Charles Aznavour, which was used as the title track for the film Chambre 212 or On a Magical Night.

BEST ALBUM COVER: Charles Aznavour’s Désormais. That hat!

MOST CHARMING: The sheep invasion during Isabella Rossellini’s show Sex and Consequences, which was streamed live from her farm in Bellport, Long Island, USA. Yes, her live sheep! 

BEST TWITTER CIRCUS PIC: The stunning Crystal Pyramids by Severus posted by @PablosCircus.

BEST LIVE COMEDY: Myra Dubois – star of Britain’s Got Talent – at The Poodle Club in Sydenham. Some of us recognised the greatness of Rotherham’s finest before she was famous!

GONE TOO SOON: Actor Chadwick Boseman (pictured) at just 43, funnymen Eddie Large, Tim Brooke Taylor and Bobby Ball, and dancer, choreographer and actor Ann Reinking.

MOST MISSED: Davenports magic shop that closed at the end of January – but you luckily can still order from it online – and a more recent casualty, after 96 years, London’s beautiful Café de Paris.

MOST DISAPPOINTING: Madonna’s Madame X show at the London Palladium. Goodness, this was shoddy! She was so incapacitated that she simply marked all the dance moves and had to be helped around the set, and up and down the stairs. The tickets were exorbitantly expensive and no one paid to see someone hobbling about onstage. We paid to see Madonna!

But let’s not end on a sour note…

BEST SHOWBIZ MASK: Shirley Bassey’s fabulous sequinned number!

REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL: Some things we’re looking forward to include:  The 45th London International Mime Festival, which will be screening free-to-view videos of shows from past LIMF editions, running an extended workshop series with live and online classes, and hosting a series of talks.

We’re also awaiting the new series of Call My Agent, which starts on Netflix on 21 January 2021.

And, last but by no mean least, one of the world’s truly funny clowns, Gloria – also known as Mooky Cornish – has been busy training her chickens – Kukuruzza (pictured top), who has been taking piano lessons, and the athletic Galina – and will be touring the Canadian prairies with them next summer. Now that’s something we’d love to see! Picture: Nichole Huck

Better days ahead!

*Jon Gresham book is available via PayPal from jon@magiccarpettheatre.com: P&P incl, UK – £25, EU – £30, USA tracked – $52

[unto-the-breach]

✨Inferno & Bucky✨

Pre-Relationship-

4.) Who felt romantic feelings first?

General-

3.) What was their first kiss like?

Love-

2.) What are their primary love languages?

Domestic Life-

7.) How do they celebrate holidays?

bet alright let’s gooooooo

gonna throw this under a read more bcos it won’t make sense to literally anyone but jor, Inferno is my marvel OC who’s shipped with Bucky Barnes! 

there’s sort of two answers to these questions, the Back Then and the Now answers. For context, Inferno has sort of got two “lives,” one that she lived as Quinn Watson, an army nurse in World War 2, and afterwards she became a science experiment and got all fiery. She’s been pretty much in hiding since, until Captain America and Bucky Barnes start running around again, and she figures if they can show off, so can she. I know you said Inferno but I’m going to mostly answer these from the Back Then (pre-Inferno and pre-Bucky-falling-off-a-cliff) perspective because that’s the part of the relationship I have mapped out the best! Also, just in case you were wondering, yes I am answering these to further put off finishing her biography. It’s all I have left to do for her form and it’s like a third done, but. I don’t wanna. 

PRE-RELATIONSHIP- 

4) Who felt romantic feelings first? 

This is sort of a toss-up. Bucky was sort of immediately attracted to Quinn and the powerful vibes she was throwing out, but it took a little while before it became more than a passing interest for him. Quinn thought he was pretty from the moment she met him, but didn’t give him much of a chance, because she assumed he’d be like many of the other Male Officers she’d come across so far. She’d spent some time in a field hospital before being assigned to the 107th, and hadn’t received the respect she deserved from many of the male officers--even though she technically out-ranked them. However, she changed her tune when the two of them were the only ones in reach of another soldier who was wounded, and she began barking orders at him and he took every one of them swiftly and efficiently. This caused her to start seeing him in a different light, and her fondness of him only grew. She was much nicer to him then, and he began to realize he was more than just passively interested in her. So, romantic feelings, probably Quinn, but not for long. 

GENERAL- 

3) What was their first kiss like? 

God I actually have SO MANY thoughts about this one!! 

They have a lot of moments where they come close, pressed tightly against each other in a foxhole he’d pulled her into when an enemy opened fire, leaning over him to put pressure on a wound that would be fine, but she wanted to be safe, quiet whispers when they were scared they might not make it through the night, but their first kiss doesn’t actually come until a little ways into their story. 

It was late one night, and Quinn certainly should have been trying to sleep, but Barnes had volunteered for the first watch of the night. That day, they’d taken some quasi-victory--it was something small, but in their situation, you learn to celebrate the little things. Many of them had been drinking, sitting around a fire and telling stories, breathing in the smoky air and thinking of home, and these two weren’t exempt from that. Neither of them were drunk (most of what they’d drank had worn off by this point in the night) but if you asked them the next day, they’d say they were. 

Quinn went out to find him at his post, not exactly sure what or why she was doing what she was, all she knew is she wanted to see him (even though she’d spent the earlier half of the night glued to his side, nearly in his lap as they all shook with laughter). She’d sat down next to him, and he’d smiled, and they’d talked a little bit (neither of them remember later what on earth they talked about), and she’d leaned in, and so had he, and suddenly they were kissing, and it was everything. 

“We can’t,” she’d said. 

“Right, right,” he’d agreed. 

And they’d done it again. 

And again. 

LOVE- 

2) What are their primary love languages? 

I think that Quinn/Inferno, having grown up really during the Great Depression, has a big thing for receiving gifts. She never quite got out of the mentality of being so, incredibly poor for a large part of her childhood, that receiving gifts means so much to her. A lot of her childhood, her family and her neighbors would exchange goods for services (her neighbor gave her homemade jam for babysitting her kids, her father repaired a rocking chair for someone who gave them a bolt of fabric to make clothes from in return) and gifts simply for the sake of being gifts were somewhat foreign to her, but nevertheless incredibly appreciated. Giving her a gift now won’t produce quite the teary eyed response it might have when she was fifteen, but it still strikes her so deeply, and feels like such a great act of love. It’s not necessarily her primary love language, but it is one that strikes her straight to her core. 

I think they both have quite the thing for physical touch, and that when they were in the war together, just being able to feel the other person’s warmth and know they were alive went a long way. Probably a primary one for both of them, this is something that has really stuck for the both of them I think. Moving into the 21st century, positive physical touch is something Bucky has been deprived of for so long I think it would scare him a little bit, but especially when they finally admit that they both still love each other, I think just being there and holding each other would be big for them both. 

Real talk, Bucky has been deprived of love period for a long time, and I think it probably really messed up how he expresses and receives it. I think back in the war, Bucky seems very much like a words of affirmation kind of guy? Looking into his backstory, he was a big time over-achiever as a kid, and was apparently a 3-time YMCA boxing champion, and that all screams “loves being told that you’re proud of him” kind of guy. 

I’d actually love to hear your thoughts on this in regards to a current Bucky, because I don’t know how I think his current relationship with Words and generally what he went through might change that. Would that only get stronger after he’s used to the closest to praise he gets is being told his mission was successful? Would that make him crave honest affirmation and love even more? Or would it mess with his relationship with that sort of thing and make him really reject it? I’m sort of leaning towards the former, but I’m not sure. What do you think? 

DOMESTIC LIFE- 

7) How do they celebrate holidays? 

Oho boy. So, after that last question, I think some proper fluff is in order. So we’re actually going to skip into their timeline a little bit. 

Think of this as a few years down the road, when they’ve settled into a relationship and are living together. And we’re gonna talk Christmas, because, well. It’s christmas. These two were children in the 20s and 30s, and I think a lot of what they do for christmas is stuff that reminds them of back then, back in simpler times. Their first christmas living together, they watch three different versions of A Christmas Carol (because it was SUPER popular in the 20s!) in the week leading up to the holiday, and they debate whether they could get away with putting real candles on the tree (”I’m always here for fire” “you could put it out if something happened right?” “ah, it doesn’t work like that. I can only make the fire” They use LED lights). Bucky makes an incredible eggnog--he doesn’t quite remember the ingredients and proportions, but he tries using a recipe and then totally veers off the path and it comes out incredible. Quinn/Inferno is generally a really great cook, and she intends to cook Christmas dinner by herself (as was typical of her day) but Bucky wants to help, and she’s nervous he’ll be terrible at it but he’s actually great, and they cook together. They make way too much food, but all these years later, the excess doesn’t give them anxiety anymore, it feels good to be able to celebrate Christmas like this. They have leftovers for a week, and give extras out to people who don’t have their own. 

They love to host Christmas Eve dinner for their close friends, but no big crowds. Maybe a gift exchange with friends, and the first year they do this, they both say that they’ll open their gifts for each other at the gathering. However, on Christmas morning, they both reveal that they’d kept a special gift for the other person to open that day. They’re both shocked to see the other did the same thing, but think it’s adorable, and from then on it becomes a tradition. They always save one, special little thing for Christmas morning. (Maybe one year it’s a ring? Idk that’s not solid but it seems like the logical follow through on this!!) 

There it is!!! Thank you to Taylor Swift and the things I should have been doing but didn’t want to for how long this ended up being, and thank YOU for these questions it got some Real Creative Juices Flowing !!! 

@oh-cruel-fate i’m p sure it’ll notify you I answered your ask but just in case, you can never trust tumblr notifs and if you didn’t see this i might actually cry 

[weirdponytail]

I promised pics of the books at the Ket Cave and thus I deliver

There’s a few pics so you can read the titles so if you dont wanna see these I’ve added this handy ‘read more’ for you.

ONWARD!

I’m working on the setup. And yes that light is blinding.

This is just the lower shelf. I’ve decided to keep my Eragon coloring book pages, Peace and Sirenity binder and folder, and all my paints, pencils, art stuff, etc down here.

Main shelf!

Eragon and Eldest, OFC. I’ve not read Prisoner B-3087 yet, I just got it yesterday. Next is Escape from Camp 14, a biography from a defector from NK who grew up in the ‘three generation’ secret prison camps (this isn’t a long past thing, it’s relatively recent). After that is another new book from yesterday, How to Build a Dinosaur because who wouldn’t want that book? Also I’m lacking paleo and geo books. My Side of the Mountain is always worth some rereading imo, it’s a good book. 

Now on to the stranger stuff. The Woman with a Worm in Her Head is a book about some of the more whacky infectious disease and parasites and stories about them. The Hot Zone, while completely exaggerating Ebola a disgusting amount, did boost my interest in infectious disease to a level that led me to enrolling as a microbio student when I first started uni before I switched to Geology. 

I’d admit, I bought Pandemic ages ago. It was written in the years following the first SARS outbreak, when everyone was terrified of a combination of another SARS outbreak (oh look what we have now!) and post-9/11 bioterrorism fears. I’ve never really been able to finish it, due to being disgusted by the stereotyping at some points, but I figure i should choke through it due to the current situation.

Next is Spillover. 10/10, ALWAYS recommend Spillover, read it (or at least the first two sections or so) BEFORE you read The Hot Zone. It’s gotten more press due to the current pandemic which is good but means it’s kinda hard to find now.

Hey, Fullmetal Alchemist!

The Desserts Cookbook. Mama Cat gave this to me. 

What if? is hillarous and super informative. If it helps, the front is a picture of a TRex being lowered into a Sarlacc pit. A guy answers all the crazy questions like ‘what if you collected ALL the elements of the periodic table one by one and placed them in a periodic table?’ (the answer is lots of terrible things) or ‘what if you threw a baseball at the speed of light?’ etc etc. I really recommend this one.

Jurassic Park and The Lost World. Because I’m a motherfluffin’ paleontology student, ofc I needed to read them! I’m actually in the middle of The Lost World right now but had to put it on hold.

The Ends of the World. Extinction events. They’re like crack to me.

Heheheh. Calvin and Hobbs: Yukon Ho! You gotta have some of that in a new place.

Alright, on to the next shelf!

This is the reference shelf. The two books on the far left are Dr Halsey’s ‘journal’ that came with the limited/extra special edition of Halo Reach. I actually bought it off ebay for a ridiculous amount of money that I wont specify, but it was worth it for all the cool notes on SPARTAN-II augmentations (which I frequently use as baseline reference for Modern Inheritance Cycle elves). The second book is The Book of Runes. Because I’ve always had it with me and it always ends up being useful somehow. 

Starting from the bottom of the left stack we haaaaave:

A Guide to Nuclear Power Technology: A Resource for Decision Making. Ironically published two years before the Chernobyl disaster. I’ve read the first three chapters. Having a general understanding is a personal choice. 

The A to Z of INfectious Diseases. I mentioned I was going into infectious disease before, right? I’ve read that from front to back and wrote some notes on the 2014 Ebola epidemic. I should probably write an entry on Covid at some point too. 

Surviving the Wilds of Florida. Quick and handy reference!

That last one is a book about the crafts of Florida’s indigenous peoples. Nice little book. 

Second stack, starting from the bottom again!

Gray’s Anatomy. And no, it’s not the compilation of all episode transcripts, that’s the real, dense deal right there. You gotta know what you could be breaking if you’re writing torture and injuries in fanfiction....

Genki 1 and 2. Still trying to keep up with my summer studies. 

A Reader’s Guide to R.A. Salvatore’s The Legend of Drizzt. This was given to me by a woman who tutored/babysat me in middle school. She introduced me to LoD, and thus my first introduction to the world of DnD (though i didn’t realize it at the time), and is why I always chose Undercommon as an extra language in DnD. Fantastic series, beautiful art. 

That turned book is actually a custom printed book someone made of me through middle and high school and gave as a gift at graduation. 

Woop Woop, Eragon coloring book!!

A Practical Guide to Dragons. I think this might be tied in to one of the older DnD editions. It’s still a fun book with lots of different dragons in shapes, sizes and colors.

And that’s it! :D 

[kissmejuyeon]

hey Sara! 🌸🐇

this might be a personal or difficult question, so if you don't want to reply, that's totally fine!! 💕

i went to a school where i was lowkey taught that uni is the only option after graduation, that anything else isn't as "good" and we weren't even taught abt anything other than uni either. no one ever mentioned apprenticeships or voluntary years, let alone spoke positively of them. it honestly installed in me this fear of being seen as lesser if i don't go to uni and now it's been almost 4 years since my graduation and I'm still struggling with the inferiority feeling of not feeling like uni is the right place for me. i think i want to do an apprenticeship, but by now i feel almost too scared to start anything in fear of not managing.

did you deal with this kind of thing in your schooling/ upbringing as well? and how did you get over those feelings? :( if you have even the tiniest advice, id be super grateful 💙

Hey love!!! Happy new Year <3

I can totally relate to what you’re feeling!! I def had those same feelings and thoughts, and i am not gonna lie, it took me a while to figure out what i want to do, and how i stopped focusing on what other wanted of me. but i’m going to try to explain my thoughts, so please bare with me.

i had to put this in “keep reading” cause i word vomited lmao

I was lucky that i grew up in a family that always thought me, that i do everything in life for myself. I should always focus on what I want to do. BUT, i had extended family and a few friends that always talked about uni and doing something in life that is “not working in retail” (just an example) All they “wanted” me to do is make money. 

My dad never finished high school and my mom started two apprenticeships that she never finished. I always knew i wanted to do more than what my parents did. And i don’t mean it a mean or bad way. (i hope you know what i mean) 

i was a “gifted” kid in school, and good grades came easy to me, until i finished 10th grade and i started my A-level. Then i hit rock bottom. I actually never planed to do my A-level, but i had no idea what to do with my life in year 10, so i decided to go to school for 3 more years, so i have a little more time to figure stuff out. (Spoiler: i didn’t) When i decided to do my A-level (In germany you need it to even go to uni) i thought uhMm maybe i should go to uni because many people around me where starting to talk about it and made me feel that my decision of never going to uni was me planing on becoming “nothing”. Which is totally stupid. Not going to uni does NOT mean you’ll never become anything!

by the i finished my A-level, which i barely passed, i still had no idea of what i wanted to. the only thing i knew was, that i wanted to do something that brings me happiness and joy! And the only time i found happiness and joy was in books (and one direction lmao). So i started to think about the idea, that i could start working in a bookstore. But at that time, my friends already started Uni (med school, law etc.) and others went to go abroad to study. And i felt like i was worth less. But i also knew that going to uni would only further the descend of my mental health. So i really focused on working in a bookstore and do an apprenticeship as a bookseller. 

Through a friend i got the opportunity of working in a bookstore (I applied before but i was sadly rejected). After the first day of work, i knew, this is what i wanted to do with my life. My mom always pushed me into applying for apprenticeships that i didnt wanna do, which i told her i didnt want, but it only caused many fights between us. but tbh ... i didnt care. i wanted to do what i wanted to do! So i focused on my carreer in the bokstore. i stopped focusing on what other people want to do in their lives, but rather focus on what I want to do. 

so i worked at the bookstore for 2 years, then started my apprenticeship, then i worked for 4 months as a bookseller and now i’m the deputy manager of the store that i did my apprenticeship at. now i know i only got to this place and position because i stopped focusing on what other people wanted.

end of my biography but i feel like it needed to explain this to validate my points lmao

and heres what i can tell you, do what you want to do!!! if you dont want to go to uni, do not go. is there something that brings you joy? clothes? books? try working with something that you like, and figure out what you wanna do that way.

Other people think they help you when they try to push uni, grad school etc. into your life, cause they think that whats best for you. but you are the only one who knows whats best for you!

in bookseller school, half my class was people who dropped out of uni to start working. not going to uni or dropping out of uni doesnt make you any less amazing or capable of reaching your dreams. 

the sad thing is, we need money to survive in this world, so you need to make money one way or another. and people always promote the narrative of figuring out what you want to do immediately. which is fuckign bullocks. you can start over and over again of you need to. if you start a job but after a few months you realize, its something you dont want to do, quit and find another job. Starting over and trying out jobs is nothing bad! 

but i think the first step you need to to, is to realize that what you do in life, is for you and only you!!! 

[pavcrti]

chicago’s very own pavarti kumari has been spotted on madison avenue driving a rose gold model x , welcome ! your resemblance to mishti rahman is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty fifth  birthday bash .  your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re fiery , but being eloquent might help you . i think being a pieces explains that .  3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be fresh fields of lavender that expand into a cotton candy sky , the reflection of the sun caught in the glimmer of a crystal , rhyming couplets professing deep - seeded emotion . ( i ghost write songs for artists who like to claim they write their own work . ) & ( cis female + she / her  ) +  ( emily , 25 , sher / her , pst )

holy shit , it’s ya girl . i’m back after needing a bit of a break from being in a group . and bc i honestly adored this place sm and i made so many great friends here i am back . . . 👀 i expect plots with each and every one of u btw so u best deliver . i desperately wanna get this finished before i pass the fuck out . i’ll be joining the server in the morning , but in the meantime if u wanna be my friend  👀 👀 titsiana praises satan#7989

    biography .

name : pavarti kumari 

age : twenty five

gender : cisfemale

zodiac : pieces 

sexuality : bisexual 

profession : singer / songwriter 

hair color : black

eye color : brown

piercings : both lobes , nose 

tattoos : none

voice claim : jhene aiko

released albums : sail out ( ep ) , trip 

miss pavarti was born in bangladesh . her parents are both 100% bangladeshi and immigrated to chicago when pavarti was four years old . she had an older brother who was five years older than her . his name was siva .her family traveled back every summer so she is very immersed in the culture of her homeland and is a very spiritual person as a result . from a young age , pavarti had a fascination with the english language . not only was it so complex , but there was so much that could be done with it as well . she loved poetry and different types of prose . she also developed an absolute adoration for hip hop as a result . she’s been able to work several of her lyrical inspirations in her albums , something she would’ve never anticipated growing up as an immigrant child . when she entered middle school , she joined the school choir as an extra curricular activity which is what inspired her love for music and introduced her to her vocal talents . within time , she began combining her inclination for poetry with her voice . she wrote her first song at thirteen and began to freestyle for her friends . unfortunately , she was never taken too seriously by her peers . she was a female , hardly the usual suspect for the rnb , soul vibe that her voice conveys . before she graduated high school , her brother siva was killed in a car crash . the unexpected death of her best friend and protector sent pavarti into a spiral . this begun her tendency to alter her reality to escape from her pain with the help of drugs . she frequently writes about her brother in her music . when she was eighteen , she was discovered , ironically , by a manager of a local rapper at a poetry slam she was performing at . she impressed him and he introduced her to his client . this is how pavarti entered the hip hop scene , albeit , in secret . in hip hop , it’s very custom for performers to write the tracks that they put out themselves . pavarti learned that she could learn the skills of the trade whilst making her own connections and making pretty good cash , as well . as the years progressed , the notoriety of her clients rose . she’s written bars for multiple big names and by harvesting these friendships , she was able to get signed to a record label and put out her first ep at age twenty one . it was well received by critics and pavarti was thrilled to be taken seriously as an artist doing what she loves . she kept working , kept her nose in her business and released her first full album , trip , just last year . she feels like she is constantly growing artistically and finds herself inspired everywhere she turns . she’s currently working on her second full album and just dropped a new single , p*$$y fairy . other than that , there’s not too much else to note in her history . she did not grow up rich , rather she’s only recently come into wealth . her money is very new and she’s not too skilled at spending it wisely .

    personality . 

okay , so this will probably just be a long winded explanation that no one really asked for / needed but here we go ! first and foremost . . . pavarti is a dreamer in every sense of the word . she’s whimsical , she’s connected to the earth around her . she drifts off into elaborate day dreams and tells herself stories in her head as she falls to sleep . she is very spiritual . she meditates twice a day . her house always smells of incense . she has an affinity for weed and hallucinogenics . she really enjoys writing under the influence . her album trip is literally inspired by several drug experiences she had that had a profound impact in her life . pavarti’s general demeanor is borderline wall - flower . you wouldn’t expect her to be so shy , but she is . she’s the giggly girl who’ll hang back and let someone else come to her first . in the meantime , she’s taking in every single detail . she’s incredibly observant . sometimes she thinks in poetry . she realizes that she isn’t the typical visual for a female hip hop , rnb artist but it’s truly her passion in life and her art flows through her . she says more in her songs than she does to the people she needs to and that can definitely be problematic . with that said , pavarti is very well spoken . girl knows how to sweet talk her way through just about anything . but she also has the temper of a devil . she does not tolerate being fucked around with . she has that attitude about her where she will go and key your car if you hurt her or one of her best friends . people typically wouldn’t expect such an explosion from someone so outwardly sanguine and easy going but she’s the type to scratch someone’s eyes out if she has to . her music is her spouse . this fucks her up relationship wise a lot because she tends to let chances pass her by because she would rather stay undistracted . she has an ego , but not really in the outward way that one would anticipate when ego is involved . she knows she’s talented . she knows she’s attractive . but she also knows that she’s fucking lucky to be where she is and she’s grateful . pavarti is the type who wakes up with a smile because she has another twenty four hours to be alive . she doesn’t take things for granted --- she used to , until she lost her older brother and she realized just how quickly things can change . pavarti is a fiercely loyal individual to her friends . she will stand up for them , no matter what . the thing is , she expects it back . she is very much aware of her self worth and does not react kindly to a one sided vibe . 

    plots . 

ok , ok , ok . . . so how i am going to do this is offer up some songs / song pairings for songs that i believe pavarti has written for specific people with certain plots in mind for at least her side of things . and then i will also list some basic plots that aren’t based on anything in particular , but are still plots that i would like very much to have ! the links go to lyrics ! all plots are gender neutral , so ignore any pronouns that are in the songs .

bed peace / stay ready / while we’re young --- fwbs with feelings : pavarti and your muse have been friends for a while . somewhere along the line things crossed the line and they began hooking up . it’s obvious that they feel something intense for each other but something is always in the way of them being together --- plus , neither are really sure if the friendship could withstand a romantic relationship crashing and burning . so here they are , stuck in this awkward limbo . they hook up , hang out , awkwardly third wheel when the other is dating someone else . it’s an interesting dynamic and pavarti wouldn’t deal with drama with anyone else but your muse . they have a really compelling bond and neither can think of life without the other but things have been like this for a long time and there is only so long a relationship as complicated as this one could actually function .

the worst / comfort inn ending / moments / when we love --- exes that ended badly with lingering feelings : this was . . . just a crazy hot and cold relationship . when it was hot , it was fucking hot . when it was cold ? damn . hell itself could freeze over . they probably have done and said a lot of nasty , nasty shit to each other . at the same time , they could’ve been literally planning their wedding at some point because they both were incredibly serious about each other . in comfort inn ending , pavarti suggests their relationship was a result of her cheating on another boyfriend to be with your muse and your muse ultimately cheated on her as well . we can discuss that but i would high key kill for the extra drama . around the time pavarti was writing her first full album , they had a rekindling that inspired her to write moments and when we love . i don’t envision this relationship having ended in a decent way from there , though . more cheating ? fighting ? they were definitely toxic . she’s definitely planning on dragging their ass some more in her tracks .

lsd / sativa --- platonic soulmates : omg so this plot is . . . so fucking cute . but these two would basically die for each other . there is zero sexual attraction , just genuine , pure love . they do everything together . but what really sealed their bond ? well . . . many different intense acid trips , of course ! they love to get high together and forget about the world . they both feel like they can trust the other because they have been present for so many life - changing moments . they rarely go a day without seeing each other and absolutely never go a day without talking in some capacity . sometimes they fight like siblings . but pavarti would honestly kill for your muse . there is nothing she wouldn’t do for them . 

new balance / newer balance / you are here / clear my mind --- the romantic bad influence : this plot is another messy piece of trash . from the beginning , when they first met , pavarti always thought your muse was too good to be true . they reminded her so much of her brother . she felt this sense of peace with your muse . she fell in love quickly but at the same time , felt like there was something looming over their relationship . like it wasn’t permanent . like it’s all just a dream . the bad influence part isn’t portrayed too much in the lyrics other than stressing pavarti’s fear that your muse isn’t exactly who they say they are and this relationship is doomed to fail somehow . she knows that when this explodes in her face that it’s going to destroy her . i see your muse bringing out edgier sides of pavarti’s personality . they party a lot , they influence pavarti to do crazy things with them and she does and she feels so alive with your muse . that is , until , it all crumbles . the facade is destroyed and whatever it was that your muse wasn’t being upfront about shatters the way she feels for your muse entirely . she feels betrayed . clear my mind is pavarti’s way of trying to hype herself up to be stronger than she really is . 

never call me / --- best friends turned enemies : this is my last long one i promise , wtf , why did i decide to do this . anyways --- this plot is again , a shit ton of angst so enjoy that . your muse and pavarti used to be the best of friends . inseparable . that is until things went south . fast . we can discuss what it was that happened between our muses but it was something huge and preferably something where they both could stubbornly blame each other . pavarti feels slighted because she thinks that your muse should be the one who reaches out and perhaps your muses could be thinking the same about her . 

romantic plots : crushes , unrequited love , hateship , party hookup , friends with benefits , secret fling , summer romance 

platonic plots : give me close friends ! and tons of them please ! thanks . roommates , drug buddies , confidants , unlikely friendship , travel friends , only friends in the dms , enemies turned friend

[in-arlathan]

Elenara Lavellan

Elven rogue and archer, specialized as Artificer

Hunter of Clan Lavellan, Inquisitor and Comtesse of Kirkwall

Finally, I managed to update Elenara’s profile and biography. Yay me! I wanted to do this for the longest time. The first iteration of her biography was rather short and I have developed her character since then a lot more through little posts here on Tumblr and fanfiction. I didn’t even know how many head-canons I had for Elenara until I started writing this. This made it so much more fun (and challenging).

I hope you enjoy reading this, although I know this a big reference post for myself for the most part. If you wanna know more about my Lavvelan, you’ll more posts about her via her tag.

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PROFILE

Full name: Elenara Lavellan Race: Dalish elf Class: Rogue, archer Specialization: Artificer Nationality: Free Marches Religion: Elven gods

Biometrics

Age: 32 (in 9:41 Dragon) Eye color: Green Hair color: Blonde Height: 1,55 m / 5,1 feet Weight: 43 kg / 86 pounds Vallaslin: Dirthamen Scars: Two facial scars (left eye, left side of her jaw), one on the lower back (from an arrow), two on the abdomen (from stab wounds).

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CHARACTER TRAITS

Positive: Empathetic, patient, and open-minded. Negative: Too trusting, tends to avoid confrontations, prone to procrastination

Motivation and goals

Elenara is driven by the desire to understand–be it politics, history or people. She always looks for the why and goes out of her way to see the world from other people’s perspective. Her goal is to create a world in which the people of Thedas can learn to co-exist peacefully.

Strengths and weakness

Due to her empathetic traits, she is a good mediator and knows how to broker a deal between different parties. She can make everyone feel valued and appreciated and thus build strong alliances between parties that would otherwise be at odds with each other. This strength is also the source of her greatest weakness. Her trustworthiness and forgiveness can be exploited by different people. Oftentimes, Elenara will not know that she has been betrayed until it’s too late.

Special abilities

She is a hunter first and foremost, skilled with the bow as much as a blade. As a young woman, she would learn how to mend old armor and sow new clothing. Her talent with a needle became useful when patching up injured hunters in the absence of a healer or medical professional. She is used to closing her own wounds, even if they will leave a scar.

Dreams and aspirations

As a young girl, she would dream about going to visit the Grand Tourney. As she became older, she aspired to attending a university to further her studies and be up-to-par with human scholars.

Best friends and confidants

With the Lavellan clan: Deshanna, Erendir and Almaril With the Inquisition: Varric, Dorian and Cassandra

Likes, dislikes and other preferences

Loves roasted chestnuts

Likes to sleep in open fields

Enjoys being alone in the woods,

Can spend hours on end daydreaming

Despises human shoes, but has a nack for make-up. Lipstick, especially.

Red is her favourite color

Nicknames

While the faithful called her “Herald of Andraste”, she never took much liking to the title. She prefered the nicknames given to her by relatives and friends like Nara (used by members of her clan), Aunt Ell (by the children of her friend Erendir), as well as Inky or Boss. After the Exalted Council, Varric would start to call her “Comtesse”⎯an ironic reference to the informal title she owned thanks to him.

→ You’ll find her biography (plus screenshots) behind the cut.

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BIOGRAPHY

Early years

Born in 9:09 Dragon as the daughter of the former First Hunter of the Lavellan clan, Elenara learned how to provide for herself and her kin at a very early age and became a fairly skilled archer. With a gift for crafts and needlework, she would often create new clothing or armor of her fellow hunters and help their healers tend to the wounded.

After the death of her father in 9:22 Dragon, she became fascinated with the lore and history of Thedas. More often than not, she would wander away from the camp to search for old ruins, until the keeper decided to provide Elenara with books to study instead. From then onward, the young hunter would craft new clothing to sell in the various cities in the Free Marches to pay for her education. 

When coming of age, she decided to have the vallaslin of Dirthamen, keeper of secrets, tattooed to her face, as she felt drawn to the past of her people and the secrets it might hold. At the age of 31, she was knowledgeable about history, politics and the culture of various nations, which made her the perfect candidate when it was time for the keeper to choose a clan member to witness the conclave at Haven.

Although she deeply cared for her clan, only a few members ever got close to Elenara after her father’s death. Her aunt Irileth, her father’s younger sister, took care of her but became estranged from her niece when Elenara had grown into a woman. From then on, Elenara spent most of her time with Erendir, a young hunter only three years older than her. She admired his kindness and practicality while he was fascinated with her curiosity. For a time, they maintained in intimate relationship, until Erendir asked her to be his wife and have children with him.

Joining the Inquisition

When she was asked to attend the Divine’s conclave in Haven, she was eager to go, but uncertain how she or her clan could benefit from the outcome of the mage-templar war. Using her knowledge of human society, she managed to blend in with the crowd at the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

Being a simple hunter beforehand, she was confused by the explosion at the conclave and its aftermath. When she saw the destruction the Breach caused in Haven, she agreed to help in the efforts to stop this madness. She was reluctant when it came to joining the Inquisition however. Being a firm believer in the elven pantheon, Elenara had no ties with the chantry. Being called “Herald of Andraste” felt like deception to her, and so she never actively claimed that title for herself. She ultimately agreed to help Cassandra, Leliana and Cullen to form the Inquisition to secure her own safety and play her part in closing the Breach.

Her biggest concern in the early days of the Inquisition was to save the refugees in the Hinterlands and other regions of Ferelden and protected them from rebel mages and rogue templars alike. Soon, she became known for her compassion and temperance among the Inquisition forces.

With her choice to side with the rebel mages at Redcliffe, Elenara gained a whole heap of enemies, but also new powerful allies.

Becoming Inquisitor

After the descruction of Haven, Elenara struggled with her new role as Inquisitor. Being a firm believer in the elven Creators, she never quite felt at ease with leading the armies of the faithful, and she kept her thoughts on the matter fairly secret. Although her confidants knew about her doubts, she played along with the diplomatic charade Leliana had set up. She knew all too well that this was the only way to stop Corypheus before he could cloak the world.

In the back of her head, she was trying to find a way to use her new power as leverage to help her people–the elves.

Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts

After ending the conflict in the Dales between the imperial forces and the so-called Freeman, it was time to prevent the assassination attempt on Empress Celene. Leliana, Josphine and Vivienne would teach Elenara in the rules of the Great Game in preparation, as well as dancing and ettiquette.

Upon arriving in Halamshiral, Elenara found herself in a state of true panic for the first time since she joined the Inquisition. Right there, in the heart of the Dales where her people once fought for their freedom, she came to realize that she was no longer studying history, but making it with her own hands. Being looked down upon from the Orlesian nobles didn’t do much to help her ease into the situation. She had no fondness for the great game of deception the Orlesians like to play, although she managed to find her way around the Winter Palace. It was painfully clear that there was more at stake than her own reputation. Not just for the Inquisition, but for the elves in general.

In the end, she managed to confront Florianne de Chalons in front of the imperial court, putting an end to her plan to kill the empress. Elenara also managed the reveal delicate details about Grand-Duke Gaspard’s plans to usurpe the throne, and Celene had her cousin executed in response. Elenara’s goal was to reconcile Celene with her former lover to give the elven rebel an edge in Orlesian politics, but the empress exiled Briala instead. Elenara had Leliana and her spies keep an eye out for Briala’s whereabouts since she, too, was interested in helping the elves of Thedas.

Relationship with Solas

As Inquisitor, Elenera used every chance she got to deepen her knowledge of the world. Naturally, she would gravitate towards Solas, who knew more about the history of the world than anyone else she had ever met. She was fascinated by his abilities as a dreamer and would often listen to the stories he had found during his exploration of the Fade. More than that, she saw in him what the elves might be: proud, confident, and respected. Soon, she found herself infatuated with him though keep this to herself until the Inquisition reached Skyhold. 

Even after their first kiss in the Fade, Elenara tried to keep her feelings for him fairly secret, meeting with Solas in private whenever possible. Afraid to admit that she had fallen in love with him, she tried to keep up the illusion of them being close friends in front of her companions. An endeavour that was destined to fail, as Varric and Dorian soon discovered the truth about the couple. And yet, Elenara stalled and put of saying “I love you” as long as possible – until one night by a lake near Crestwood.

More on her relationship with Solas here:

OTP Questions #1

OTP Questions #2

Death of the Lavellan clan

Shortly after the events at the Winter Palace, a messenger arrived with a terrible message. Bandits had attacked and killed the Lavellan clan. Any help from the Inquisition came too late.

After the death of her clan, Elenara was so devastated that she practically avoided any mention of them. She felt miserable and ashamed to have not been there to fight among them, and wouldn’t let Solas or any of her other companions comfort her. That was, until a few survivors arrived in the Frostback mountains. Among them were Erendir and his wife Almaril.

Happy to have them back in her life, Elenara offered them a place at Skyhold, but they refused. Almaril hated Elenara for joining the Inquisition while the clan had needed her, although she knew her friend had good reasons to stay in Haven. The bigger problem was Erendir, however. Although he had ended the relationship with Elenara at his own volition and went on to have children with Almaril, he didn’t fail to notice the attachment his former lover felt for Solas. Erendir had loved Elenara deeply and still regretted ending things between them, because she refused to have children with him. Seeing her with Solas, who was a better match for her than Erendir had ever been, made it even worse.

One night, he confronted Solas to learn more about the apostate‘s feelings for Elenara, eventually bragging about his shared past with her. Despite being tempted to teach the other elf a lesson, Solas left Erendir where he stood, determined to never speak of the matter again. When Elenara got wind of this, she felt betrayed and asked Erendir and Almaril to leave Skyhold. She made sure, however, that the Inquisition provided for them and the other surviving clan members before they parted ways.

Here Lies The Abyss & The Temple of Mythal

After the remaining members of the Lavellan clan left Skyhold, the Inquisition armies marched for Adamant Fortress. Interrupting the ritual with which the Grey Wardens would have summoned a demon army, Elenara and her party were attacked by Corphyeus’s lyrium dragon. Opening a rift, she managed to safe Warden Strout, Hawke and herself, as well as Solas, Cassandra and Dorian who had accompanied her on the mission.

After retrieving her memories and defeating the Nightmare, Elenara pressed on to stop Corypheus as soon as possible. After freeing Emprise the Lion from the red templars, she order a coordinated attack on the enemy troups in the Arbor Wilds.

Once again, she was accompanied by Solas, Cassandra, and Dorian as she entered the Temple of Mythal. Under differenty circumstances, finding the temple would be a life-long wish of hers fulfilled. Tempted to stay and study the ancient relief in the temple to learn as much about the past of her people, only the immediate danger of Corypheus taking the power of the Well of Sorrows let her press on.

Elenara sided with the Sentinels to bring down the red templars that attacked the ancient temple. Afraid of the power of the Well and what might do it with her, Elenara decided to let Morrigan drink from the waters and be bound to Mythal’s will.

When she ventured deeper into the Arbor Wilds to find the altar of the Mythal, Elenara had already begun to suspect that something was wrong. Until then, her belief in the elven gods had been unfaltering, but knowing that the All-Mother still lived and had chosen to ignore the plight of her people made her question their authority. Had she been unsure if she could continue her life as a Dalish elf and came to except that she had to become some else entirely.

The Vallaslin Removal

When Solas told her about the true meaning of the vallaslin, Elenara was deeply hurt. Though she had taken some pride in being Dalish and loved her people for trying to preserve elven history, she was disappointed by the elven Creators by this point that she wanted to leave her past and devotion for them behind. Therefore, she allowed Solas to take the vallaslin from her.

The Battle With Corypheus And After

Rattled by the events at the Temple of Mythal and the break-up with Solas, Elenara dove head first into the final confrontation with Corypheus, not hesitating to face the Tevinter magister in the Valley of Sacred Ashes. Fully prepared to die in battle, she fights her nemesis with brute force. When she finally obtained the orb from Corypheus’s hands, she banished the magister to the Fade without batting an eyelide. It was the first time, she came into contact with her darker side and gave in to her own lust for revenge.

After the battle and Solas disappearance, she began to feel exhausted, drained from the struggles. Slowly, she descended into a state of depression. Not only had she lost her clan, but also her home, her faith in the Creators and her identity, as well as the man she had come to love. Knowing all to well that it would be best for her to move on and find new purpose in live, she clung to her former life and couldn’t stop loving Solas. To distract herself, she took on the mission of finding the resting place of Inquistor Ameridan and was eager to help out with the earthquakes in the Deep Roads. Until...

The Exalted Council and the Qunari Invasion

Two years after the destruction of Haven, Cassandra, now known as Divine Victoria, called for an Exalted Council in Halamshiral. Returning to the city in which she had fought so hard to gain the respect of the Orlesian nobles – and humans in general – Elenara final came to the conclusion that in it was time to move on. She had felt lost for too long know and it was taking a toll on her. So, when the time came to meet with the ambassadors of Ferelden and Orlais, she fully expected the negotiations to result the the disbanding of the Inquisition.

And yet, when a qunari corpse was found in the middle of the Winter Palace, she felt that sense of purpse again. Dealing with the threat that the qunari posed gave her something to do, something she was actually good at. Even when the anchor was beginning to effect her health, she kept on going, determined to make herself useful again.

What she didn’t expect was to find out that Fen’Harel, the Dread Wolf, was orchestrating the events from behind the scenes. With what she had learned about Mythal, Elenara was willing to believe that Fen’Harel was a living and breathing entity, too. When she learned that Solas was the trickster god she learned to fear as a child, her world was shattered once again. Not even once did she consider joining him, for she had fought to hard to protect the world as she knew it. Even without a purpose and without a new identity that transcended her role as Inquisitor, she knew she could not let Solas go forth with his plans, no matter how much she still loved him.

After the Exalted Council

Learning that the Inquisition has been compromised by qunari spies and Fen’Harel’s agents, she executed her initial plan of disbanding the entire organization as soon as she and her party returned to the Winter Palace.

With the Inquisition gone, Elenara found herself free to go wherever she wanted. Now holding the title “Countess” in Kirkwall, she returned to the Free Marches and tried to settle in to her new estate in Hightown while corresponding with Cassandra, Dorian, Cullen and Leliana to coordinate the activities to counter Solas’s plan. She felt confident working from underground and plotting to redeem her former lover.

Six months after the painful revelation of Solas being Fen’Harel and Elenera’s fruitless attempts to learn more about her lovers whereabouts, she called in a few favors and went to Val Royeaux to attend the University of Orlais–one of the first elves to ever do so. The university gave her access to ancient documents with which she planned to further her studies on Fen’Harel, while her presence allowed elves to pursue an academic career more openly. Elenara fought for their rights for higher education, using her reputation as Inquisitor and “Herald of Andraste” as well as her acquaintance with Professor Kenric as leverage. 

And there she remains, until she finds a way to change the Dread Wolf’s heart or counter his plan to destroy the world.