#also updates are probably going to be quite slow for the next 2 weeks but i will try my best 🫶🫶

[you-ate-glue-you-eat-ass]

i could drink your blood if you let me, baby

my very first phanfiction!! this is my rewrite of the urge :)))

it’s going to be a slightly more fleshed-out version of dan’s but i’ll probably keep it short (unless i go very off track which i might NO PROMISES)

kudos and comments much appreciated <3<3

[lonelierthanu]

Penmanship

Satoru Gojo x Gender-neutral Reader

series: incomplete

words: 3.4k

warnings: mentions of smoking; funny; meet-ugly; no mentioned female or male anatomy; no spoilers; no curses; slow build; slow to update; college au

summary: you decided you never want to see this man again and fuck the pen altogether. Well, life has other plans.

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 …+

Your coffee splashed dramatically against the concrete wall you tossed it at. You’re pissed, to say the least, and the sugarless coffee —that you asked for extra sugar for— was your tipping point.

You were behind some bleachers that laid against the wall outside the dining hall. You’re not sure why these bleachers are here? They seem old and were probably here way before the school was renovated and they put in a huge football field across campus. The school is old so you wouldn’t be surprised if they just left it here. But right now you’re grateful they did because you’re knee deep in a tantrum, if one wants to consider it one, and this is your only sanctuary at the moment.

“Was that necessary?” Aoi asks you, after he takes a drag from his cigarette.

“I thought you said you were going to quit?” Rikki asks from beside him.

“And I thought you said you would never date Tenji,” he mumbles under his breath as he takes another drag and doesn’t bother blowing away from her direction, a courtesy he would have usually given. Rikki scowls at the side of his face.

“We’re not dating.”

“The pictures on his instagram say something different,” Aoi takes another drag.

“I was… drunk…” Rikki crosses her arms as she kicks a rock towards your direction. It lands back in its spot after bouncing off your shoe. It startled her attention towards you, like she suddenly remembered you were there.

You roll your eyes at both of them and lean against the opposite wall from them. Since you’ve known them they’ve had a weird relationship. At least in your eyes. You’ve known them for a little longer than a year and they’ve had an on and off crush on each other since the three of you met. And the two sides have never been on the same page. One person has a crush on the other, then the other gets feelings when the other person loses feelings . It’s a weird dynamic that you wish they’d get over already.

But a part of you wants it to stay this way, so your friendship never changes. But you know that one day this weird game of tug of war will come to an end and it’ll either end in peace, or someone in the mud.

“To answer your question Aoi, yes. That was completely necessary,” You say to break the silence. Rikki jumps at the opportunity to change the subject and cut through the tension. She comes to lean next to you.

“What’s got your panties in a twist anyway?”

“Remember that creepster that thought I was hitting on him for a week?” Rikki tries to hold back her laugh. She fails. You had told her about what happened the next morning after the incident on Saturday. Despite her hangover she found the misunderstanding hilarious. Laughing while saying ‘oh my god, that is so something he would do!’ And you ended up filling Aoi in during one of your class periods you shared with him a couple hours ago.

“Yeah,” she answers, failing to hide her smile.

“Well my professor paired us up for a group project,” you cross your arms.

“At the end of the semester?” Aoi asks as he stomps on his cigarette to put it out, “How does she expect you to get a project done during the week of exams?”

“No, starting next semester is when we start the project. The worst part is, we’ll be working on it ‘till February,” You groaned into your hands, covering your face with them.

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad,” Rikki tries to console you by putting a hand on your shoulder. You put your hands down to glare at her.

“Don’t jinx me,” Rikki laughs at you. Aoi smirks, also finding this amusing. “And wipe that smug look off your face,” you point a finger directly in Aoi’s face. He pushes your hand out of the way and rolls his eyes at you, still smug.

You stuff your hands into your jacket pockets, trying to fight off the cold. You’re not looking forward to next semester, to say the least, and when you heard the devastating news of Creepster being your project partner you immediately started thinking of ways to get out of it.

Because since that Saturday you had heard no word of this man until that following Monday. He came in late, like usual, but before he showed up your professor had given the whole spiel about the details of the new project the class would be working on. Everyone picked their own partner but you since there was an odd number of students in the class. Then Creepster walked in.

She told him you’d be his partner and he turned his head to look at you while she vaguely explained the project to him. Your body turned cold when his smirk grew wider. Like he was looking forward to this. The professor dismissed him to his seat saying you could explain in more detail.

When he sat down he faced you, completely ignoring the rest of the professor’s lecture. He leaned his head on his hand, smirk still present on his face. You refused to look at him and continued looking forward.

“Hey partner,” you internally recoiled. He sensed your unease and with the new bout of knowledge that this guy thinks you have some sort of crush on him, or just wanna get in his pants, he probably took your unease for nervousness. The thought alone pissed you off.

He barely got two words out of you in that class, which was yesterday, and today was no better. Though somehow you ended up agreeing to go to his house (his real house) to outline and plan the beginning of the project to finish it faster after the break. It was his idea and it honestly shocked you to hear him suggest a genuine responsible plan. Not gonna lie, you definitely thought the word “ responsible “ didn’t exist within his vocabulary.

You only mildly cared about this idea. You mostly agreed to do so you can finally get that damn pen back before you go on break. You’ll be damned if you go home empty handed when you confidently told your niece you’d bring it back.

“So. What are you gonna do?” Aoi asks, putting his hands into his jacket pockets as well.

“Get my pen back,” you answer, then your phone rings before you can look at his confused expression. It’s your alarm to go to your last class. You leave them to ruminate in their awkward tension.

Creepster told you he’d pick you up after school to take you to his house. You were definitely uncomfortable with the idea of being alone in a car with this man, but you don’t have money for a ride right now, Rikki went to work today, and it beats walking an hour and a half to his place.

You waited at the school's gate for fifteen minutes and was about to text him when you remembered you don't have his number. But before you could stress over that fact, a shiny black Lexus pulled up in front of you. The driver window lowered revealing a strange man at the wheel. He said your name and asked if you were who you were. You didn’t answer at first but then Creepster moved into your line of vision in the passenger seat.

“Get in loser,” he laughed at his own reference, then smiled at you. You rolled your eyes and opened the door to the back seat.

The drive was fairly short, probably a little shorter than ten minutes, and the drive was not silent. But you were glad for that, because if it weren’t for the surprisingly good tunes being blasted through the speakers, you know your awkward uncomfortable air would have permeated through the windows for the other drivers on the road to feel. You’re also glad that you aren’t alone with this guy. That would have been a whole different situation for you.

When you pull up to his house you physically feel the hinges connecting your jaw to your skull unclick. You gawk at the state of his house while you pick your jaw up off the car floor.

His house is fucking huge.

And this is his actual house. You have half a mind to confirm that.

When you head inside you have to put in extra effort to keep your eyes from bulging out of their sockets. It’s just as beautiful on the inside as it is on the outside. The difference between this and the frat house is vast.

For starters, it’s furnished way better. Which makes you think he definitely didn’t do it himself. It’s clean, which you weren’t expecting, and it smells nice. Another thing you weren’t expecting but desperately hoping for.

“So, should we get started?” Creepster says from behind you. It startles you how close he is. You jump at least a foot away before turning to him.

“Yeah,” you say, calmer than your heart is beating. He guides you to his dining room where a large circular table resides next to a beautiful huge island with high bar stools tucked into it and a sink in the middle. The dining area is surrounded by windows, letting copious amounts of natural sunlight in. The room is brightly lit without any lights being on. It’s impressive. This is the type of room you’d save in a pinterest board.

He pulls out a chair for you to sit on, but the way he smiles at you after pisses you off so you sit in the chair next to it. He seems amused by this, and chuckles fondly.

“I’m gonna go grab my laptop, I'll be right back. Don’t go anywhere,” he jokes. You don’t laugh, but he walks away without seeing if you do or not. You see him walk through an alcove in the kitchen and go to the right. Once you know he’s gone you look more thoroughly at your surroundings. You see a set of grandiose stairs in the living room by the entry. And from where you’re seated you can see two halls up there and a third one could exist but it’s too high to tell. You already know you’d get lost trying to walk through here. Your family would have to send a search team to find you.

Your eyes shift over to see grand imposing glass doors that lead to a pool, there could be more land out there but you can’t tell from where you’re sitting. But from how huge the estate is from when you pulled up you already know the backyard is huge. You don’t see any other doors around besides the one in the kitchen, but you just assume that’s a broom closet or a bathroom or something.

Just from looking around you’ve lost a glimmer of hope of finding this pen. It’d be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You’re already preparing the apology to your niece in your head.

“You want a tour?” You whip your head around to see Houdini putting his laptop and bag onto the table and pulling a chair out across from you.

“No,” you answer immediately because the thought of him knowing you’re impressed by his home makes you wanna scratch at your skin. But after a quick second you realize that that could’ve been your chance to find the pen. You curse at yourself. He sits down and opens his laptop. You take yours out from your bag and place it on the table as well.

You want to just open your mouth and ask for the pen again, but a part of you is scared he’ll think you're trying to hit on him again. You agreed to come to his house so that could definitely send the wrong message in this guy’s delusional brain.

“Can I get your notes on the project so far?” He asks without looking up from his laptop. You take your notebook out of your bag and slide it across the table. He shares a doc with you before opening it. So, he really is going to work on this project. A part of you thought this was another ruse to sleep with you. To say you’re relieved is an understatement.

The next half hour goes by with him asking you yes or no questions, finding resources to cite from, quotes, studies, creating the powerpoint and typing in each slide what each should consist of, and starting a rough draft for the essay you’re meant to write. Everything is going pretty smoothly and you’re proud of the progress you’ve made in such a short time. You’re also pleasantly surprised by Herc-Houdini’s work ethic. You’re starting to think he might not be that bad.

And honestly, when you think about the situation, you can kind of see how he misunderstood. It may seem a little absurd to you that asking for a pen correlates to ‘please sleep with me’, but if there are people doing weirder things to get him to sleep with them, then you kind of understand. You’re still not very keen on him though. His reputation and the crowd he’s associated with just puts you off.

Hercules groans loudly as he stretches his arms. The muscles in them tense and show off the gains he’s worked for. A small part of you thinks that he wore that shirt on purpose, but when he’s relaxed he looks as skinny and lanky as always.

I’ll be right back,” he tells you before getting up and heading for that same alcove, going to the left. You vaguely notice him going in a different direction than before and go back to doing your work. You almost jolt with the realization that you could look around and find the pen while he’s gone.

Frankly, this could be a terrible idea. You don’t know what he’s doing so he could be back any moment. You could say you were looking for a bathroom, but then you could’ve just asked when he got back. You’re already up and walking while thinking of the logistics of this plan. It’s stupid, you know, but what if you find the pen? It seems like a great risk to reward ratio to you.

Knowing Sherlock went to the left you check there first once you’ve met the alcove, then dash to the right and go through the first door you see. Unfortunately, you’re met with a bathroom so your excuse has now flown out the window. You could just play dumb.

Before you exit, you listen to the door, then slowly open it to peek outside. Still nothing, so you leave, closing the door behind you before going to the next one. You do this three more times. You were met with two closets and a study, that you did search just in case. When you see the end of the hall you start to feel disappointed, but then you realize there’s a sharp corner. When you turn it, you see a narrow set of stairs.

At this point, you know that you took entirely too long and that Houdini has most likely gone back to the table and realized you were gone. Taking these stairs will make your search even longer and there’s no plausible explanation you could give that’ll justify you snooping around this guy’s house.

You give yourself three seconds to think it over.

Fuck it.

You’re justifying the irrationality of your actions to yourself as you trudge up the stairs, also pretending that the consequences that will undoubtedly follow won’t be that bad. But really? What’s the worst that could happen? He bans you from his home? No biggie. If you find this pen, you don’t plan on coming back anyway.

Or maybe he’ll hate you and think you’re extremely unmannered. Fine by you, then the feeling of dislike will be mutual and he’ll finally leave you alone forever.

Or maybe he’ll lie to his “clique” that you’re a thief and only agreed to do a project with him so you could slither your way into his house and they all make fun of you for the duration of your college career which will then spiral into more awful rumors and you’ll be branded an outcast and be ridiculed so horrendously that not even your friends will want to be around you…

…Or maybe you’re overthinking it entirely and it’ll all be perfectly fine.

As you come to a stop at the top of the stairs you realize that there were three halls up here. You don’t dare check the view below in fear that Sherlock will see you. So, you creep along the wall that you hope isn’t in view from down stairs and bolt for the nearest hallway. Heart beat pumping a million beats per second.

You open the first door, a closet. A second door, a very small bedroom with nothing but a bed and a lonely side table. A third door, a much bigger room with a pretty sweet gaming setup, though it looks unfinished.

The end of the hall, a large room that’s akin to a master bedroom, a bathroom and balcony included. The room isn’t quite messy, but it does appear to be lived in. The bed unmade, a dresser drawer left open, a couple clothing items on the floor near the hamper, and miscellaneous items strewn about in flat surfaces.

A pair of huge, round, dark sunglasses sitting on top of the dresser tell you exactly whose room you’ve stumbled into.

Once you’ve realized, a moment of doubt passes through you. What if he finds you here? But as quickly as it came, it passed. You’ve made it this far unnoticed, what’s one more minute.

A quick glance tells you that the pen isn’t lying about so you begin your search. You only look in places it could possibly be and refrain from his dressers. You check random bags that were in his extraordinarily large walk-in closet. You check in hoodie and pants pockets even. You leave the closet with a fraction less of hope and check under his bed. Still Nothing. You have half a mind to check his dirty clothes but decide to check his bedside drawers before getting that desperate.

It’s when you’re about to wiggle yourself from under Houdini’s bed that you hear it.

“Has anyone ever told you it’s rude to snoop?”

You jolt so hard you hit your head on the bed frame while trying to frantically wiggle free. When you do, you're met with that same smirk. Like he’s amused to find you this way. He walks towards you from the door frame, you unconsciously backup and bump against the side table. He stops right in front of you and bends down slightly to tower over you, his face slightly shrouded in darkness.

“If you wanted a tour you could have just said so,” he drawls deeply, in a quiet tone that sends a shiver down your spine.

“No, I-“ he chuckles.

“You, what? hm?” he takes one of his hands out of his pockets to reveal your pen, “You we’re looking for this?” Your eyes widen for a fraction of a second before a glare marks its position on your face. Was he making fun of you?

“Give it to me,” you try to reach for it, but he effortlessly dodges out of the way. He patronizingly waves a finger at you.

“Ah, ah, ah,” he taunts, “I can’t just give it to you now,” irritation bubbles within you.

“And why the hell not?”

“Because. You pranced around my house uninvited and invaded my privacy,” You stand up, refusing to be looked down upon, even though standing up he’s still taller than you.

“So? Then what do you want?” He hums to your question and puts the end of the pen on his chin as he contemplates.

“How much are you willing to do for this pen?” You raise a judgmental eyebrow at him. “Of course nothing drastic,” he adds, “but how far are you willing to go?”

“Well, if i’m willing to stifle through a man’s house like some kind of thief then I guess you can gauge it yourself,” He smiles at that. He lowers his glasses and you see his crystal blue eyes in person for the first time. You’re almost enraptured by them until he opens his mouth.

“Date me.”

(･ω<)☆

when i tell you i didn’t know what the fuck to write 💀last chapter i realized that is abt to be a s l o w b u r n and i’m right there along with you guys wondering what’s abt to happen next 😭 hopefully chapter 5 won’t take 4 months this time 🙃

★prev next ☆

[lovifie]

A little update for everybody for my current and future updates 🩷: (please read it ❤️)

Her Royal Highness: Hiatus. Trust me, I am the saddest about it. It is the first thing I wrote and what made me want to start the blog, but I have kind of lost the vision I had for it and I can't write anything without hating it. Don't worry too much about it because I am really dramatic and might just keep it going on a month 🩷.

Lift me off my feet: Around 4 chapters left. It would make it a 13 chapter series, taking in consideration I started because of a fanart I'm quite impressed with. Still, the little plot that it has is starting to run out and I feel like it is just unnecessarily stretching it, especially since there are other series I want to work on and I can't until this one is finished. I wanted to ask, would you rather have me finish this one “fast” or alternate it with other posts? Fast would be as in focusing on writing only this fic until I finished, and I believe I could have it done next week most likely.

Switch Bodies: Plot wise, around 2 chapters. After that, it would just be random scenarios that I would think of or that you could want me to write. Still, this one doesn't really have a schedule as it is mostly jokes so I can't tell when I'll update.

Spidey: This one will have a slower than usual post schedule since it is going to be interactive and I'll need to leave time between chapters to let everyone vote their favorites. So I'll be a bit more relaxed rhythm of updates.

Poll Fic: Whichever wins the poll (I can't see the results until Monday unless I vote and I'm edging myself like a moron), I won't probably write anything until I finish Lift Me Off My Feet, plus I want to organize a bit the plot so the thing that happens with Her Royal Highness doesn't happens again and I have something to support myself on to finish it. So I'll be a bit of time still.

Those are the series, I'm also working on oneshots and just silly stuff that genuinely I'll post randomly.

Aswell, I wanted to let people know that the on taglist form I removed the option to choose on which fic to me tagged because I was getting everyone mixed and it was becoming too chaotic so now there will be one single taglist. I hope you guys don't mind too much and thank you for understanding. If you would prefer me to remove you from it you can also tell me on the taglist form without a problem. 🩷🩷

There are going to be a couple of days without updates because I'm going to work on tidying everything up a bit so it is easier to navigate the blog. And I'm also going to slow down a bit as well, because I don't understand why I have pressured myself into uploading as soon as possible to the point I'm burning myself out instead of enjoying writing like I should.

That being said, I'm done rambling and complaining. I'd love any kind of feedback, as comments, asks or DM, I always love to read you guys opinion and ideas so feel free to do so ❤️❤️

Sorry for the disappointment of this not being an update let me know what you would rather have happening on the Lift me off my feet fic 🩷

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[frayaziwriter]

news and a poll #1

hey guys! i got some..news. not good news, but it's not bad news, either? so.. first, i want to apologize for the lateness of I'm A Spider Chapter 5 for you Tumblr users and Chapter 9 for you Ao3 users.

for the former, these couple of months have been hectic for me since my family has been preparing for the holidays and for winter birthdays. (we have five separate birthdays just in one season. it's hard to deal with if you add on the fall and winter holidays on top of all that. also, my sibling is flying across the country to spend Christmas and the New Year with their girlfriend, so we'll be having two Christmases. extra fun.) chapter 5 also needed to be edited before moving it over to Tumblr - since it was originally on Ao3 - and i just didn't have the time to do that. i actually won't have the time for quite a while.

i promise it will be posted when things start slowing down. which..will most likely be sometime in February, unfortunately. i'm sorry about that.

(you can read it on Ao3, but if you prefer reading it on Tumblr, this is the estimated timeline.)

for the latter, i'll be getting into the reasons behind the delay on Ao3, but the general gist of it is that life happened and i'm shit at juggling. i'm really sorry..

anyways, that was the news! moving on.

i have a poll for you guys. now, keep in mind that i'm probably not going to be able to update anything writing-wise for a while, but here we go! the duration will be a week!

[amrass]

Fanfiction updates and excerpts 01.05.25

Hello! I hope everyone's transition into the new year is going alright. Mine is going okay, still playing Silent Hill 2 Remastered and adoring it. I've decided to try to slow down a bit on writing & uploads. In short, this means 2-3 oneshots or chapters a month instead of 4.

Coming up in the next weeks are one Joe/Micah fic for Red Dead Redemption, two Jim/Curly (one of which also has Curly & Anya) for Mouthwashing, and a rarepair crossover Vaughan/Alexia smut fic for the movies Crash and Titane. Explicit excerpts after the cut. Lots of dubcon with noncon elements. Consider yourself warned.

Blood Promise (Red Dead Redemption, Joe/Micah, dubious consent, internalized homophobia, obsession, evil caretaking set after the low honor ending of RDR2)

At least the bruises shaped like Morgan's knuckles are gone. Joe had loathed them. No one gets to touch like this Micah but him. No one gets to smear prickly pear oil across the scabs of the knife wounds. No one gets to reach a little higher to find him fully hard.

Gotcha.

"Don't." It's a rasp, barely audible. "Ain't boys no more."

"I know."

"And I ain't queer."

"Of course not," Joe says, frowning deeply, because while this has something to do with boyhood, this has nothing to do with queerness. This is natural, always has been, his hand tightening around Micah's hardness until he ceases to pull away. "I can tell you're frustrated, boss. I could get a whore to come up here, but with the way women babble, the law could come knocking. Just relax."

.

I'll Cut Off My Right Hand and Stand in Your Shadow (Mouthwashing, Jimmy/Curly, dubious consent, Jimmy is hiding in a closet and watches Curly's ass get wrecked by a random student and he has a lot of violent feelings about it)

Jimmy's hand moved on its own, wrapping the cloth around him and using it as a sleeve. Silicone or even skin would have been more comfortable, but it was nice, because it was Curly's. Besides, donating a pair of shorts was the least he could've done for making Jimmy endure seeing this shit.

Enduring his perfection, writhing underneath the foreign weight, opening up for it. Enduring their differences, because Jimmy would never let himself get treated like this, taking it, sweat dripping off his muscles. Jimmy wondered how tight his little asshole was, whether or not it was strained around the intrusion, clenching prettily, struggling deftly, so perfect in his ruin, his wreck of a friend.

"Can you lay down on your back?" Swimmer asked, ruining the illusion, also with how he slipped out and started pulling at Curly's thighs. "I wanna see your face when I fuck you."

"Sure," Curly exhaled, ever the pliant partner, swallowing down his noises as Swimmer pulled out, getting on his back.

"Good boy," Jimmy whispered, as if it was him Curly submitted to.  

.

Triple Sun part 2 of 3 (Mouthwashing, mostly gen fic with some Jimcurly that deals with the Tulpar Disaster from Curly's POV)

He hoped that he lifted some of Anya's burden, though he probably didn't.

"Did something happen?" she asked him during the day. "Is the pain worse than usual?"

No, he motioned to her and wished he had lips to cover his skeletal grin. 

"She thinks I'm the devil," Jimmy told him at night. "But I'm not, not really. Quite the opposite."

Curly made no response at all except to stare.

Jimmy was so close now, on all fours above Curly on the bed, face inches above his, lips moving. Mumbling to himself. Looking into Curly's eye like he could wrench it open and put himself inside, crawl through him, fill out his body and become who he used to be. 

.

Triple Sun part 3 of 3 (same as above)

"I tried not to think about it, but partying wasn't fun anymore," Anya continued. "I was only studying. I still ... went out with some guys, and it was fine. I kind of used it as evidence that everything was fine. Because I wasn't like, afraid of ... you know. Those things. But I kept flunking the entrance exam. Again and again. Every time I just froze. Couldn't think of a single answer. But as soon as I was home, I knew every damn answer easily as nothing. Oh. Sorry for cursing."

"Don't be," Curly croaked, feeling light-headed.

"I filed a police report six years after the incident. They investigated it, but found no suspects. There wasn't much evidence either. Whenever I meet that old friend group who'd been contacted by the police and were doctors by now, they give me these long pitying looks. I ... The experience taught me that if it ever happened again, I'd need to be quicker. But ... I ... It's not been two years this time, but I still waited. It's been a few weeks. But I'm doing it. I'm doing it right now."

Finally, Anya met Curly's eyes, dark like the night screen above them.

.

Valve (Crossover between Crash and Titane, Vaughan/Alexia, evil bisexual car fetishists doing it to death, sex on top of a car, sex work, language barrier, consensual but not safe or sane)

"80 kilomètres," Justine screams. "Ça va? Alexia, ça va? 

"Oui, j'ai compris ! Oughhh, tu m'énerves, toi et lui tous les deux..."

"Cute," Vaughan sneers, then pushes his hips up – the way his legs creak from the strain lost in the sounds of the motor and the wind – to make Alexia focus on what he's paying her for. Her attention snaps back to him if the way she snaps her strong hips is an indicator, riding him with intent. The squelches are loud. More motor oil covers his thighs and the creased up folds of his jeans and her tiny fucking shorts. He would've liked to grab her ass, squeeze her like her fishnet stockings did in her online videos, girlish and boyish at the same time. Her cunt is hot and tight, but her gaze is made of ice, which will shatter as they plunge into a grande mort in the upcoming crash.

(Hopefully, I'll see you around! 🖤😎)

[caustinen]

Let’s create a “clegan/buckxbucky/buckyxbuck/eganven/whatever we call the buckies” playlist together.

🎶 🛫 When you get this, list 5 songs you like to listen that remind you of Clegan (MOTA) and publish them. Then send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool) (@onyxsboxes so i can add your replies to the playlist) 🛫 🎶

You can include more or fewer songs (as you prefer), I'll collect all the replies and put them together in a playlist that I'll share in a week or so (I'll update it as I receive replies, so no rush and no pressure).

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS & sorry in advance, i am a music lover first and a person second so i can’t not be intense about this despite having chosen mostly super cheesy songs!!

if i needed someone (the beatles)

if I needed someone to love / you're the one that I'd be thinking of / if I needed someone / if I had some more time to spend / then I guess I'd be with you, my friend / if I needed someone / had you come some other day / then it might not have been like this / but you see now I'm too much in love

there were so many beatles songs i considered since they wrote so extensively on many sides of love, but rather than going with my first obvious choice “if i fell” i thought this was a good song when thinking about them meeting, especially from gale pov! the cheeky way to phrase this, “i’m a very independent person and quite busy too btw BUT if i were to need someone in my life you’d probably be the person”, just that slow process of falling for a friend when the butterflies in your tummy start changing little by little, you smile a little wider any time you see your person, but you’re maybe not quite ready to admit it to even yourself yet, but in soft moments you might slip something like “the last few years would’ve been a lot rougher without you… bro”

2. standing next to you (jungkook)

Stop, can you feel that? / It's like Heaven and Earth moves whenever we touch // The universe approves when you and I dance // They can't deny our love / They can't divide us / We'll survive the test of time / I swear that I'll be right here / Standing next to you

this is fun, sexy pop perfect for the moment when they eventually do stop dancing around each other, that first love bubble of excitement of each touch and kiss and just being close to someone <3 but also the “standing next to you” sentiment is so good when thinking of even particular scenes in the show and overall how they’re able to show their love in public in fics too, just standing close to someone when you’re aching to feel.... also everytime a song mentions dancing it's in my clegan list

3. ocean eyes (billie eilish)

I've been watchin' you for some time / Can't stop starin' at those ocean eyes / Burning cities and napalm skies / Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes / Your ocean eyes // I've been walkin' through a world gone blind / Can't stop thinkin' of your diamond mind / Careful creature made friends with time // I'm scared / I've never fallen from quite this high / Fallin' into your ocean eyes / Those ocean eyes

idk if this even needs explanation, i think the blue ocean eyes are a stable of this fandom and this also serves again as a perfect bridge from the previous songs as the flirty love bubble morphs into real feelings, almost scary in their intensity

4. falling away with you (muse)

So I'll love whatever you become / And forget the reckless things we've done / I think our lives have just begun / I think our lives have just begun / And I'll feel my world crumbling / I'll feel my life crumbling / I'll feel my soul crumbling away / And falling away / Falling away with you / Staying awake to chase a dream / Tasting the air you're breathing in / I hope I won't forget a thing

This could be a stalag/immedieate post-war song, i mean the whole song is so sad but these parts in particular are talking so beautifully about overcoming difficulties, loving someone when you know you can’t fix them and you might be a little broken too but for now the love in itself will be enough, will have to be enough to get your through the worst and then you can start to reasses where to go from there

5. exist for love (AURORA)

And then you take me in / And everything in me begins to feel like I belong / Like everybody needs a home / And when I take your hand / Like the world has never held a man / I know I cannot heal the hurt / But I will hold you here forever / If I can, if I can / And then I learned the truth / How everything good in life seems to lead back to you / And every single time I run into your arms / I feel like I exist for love / Like I exist for love / Only for love

Because I’m a hopeless romantic i needed to end it here, this is probably the most overly sweet n hearteyed song ever made but it fits them perfectly and in this small narrative over these songs i want them to always end up here bc real life sucks and i seek happiness from fiction

+ sata vuotta / hundred years (behm)

i know you asked for five but this finnish song just fit for them perfectly, especially since i’ve been reading @joeyalohadream cooler fic part two as a bedtime read for the past few nights and been in my feelings (you’re absolutely phenomenal writer and I adore your work!!) so i wanted to add this, but figured it probably wouldn’t make any playlist since the lyrics are the oof of it… I did a quick partial translation for the first part:

I’m sure that just with your eyes / You could make the sky itself fall down / And all the birds find their way to Eden / I might be losing my mind / When I find myself running after you to the hallway / Just to see your shadow for a moment more / And if you felt like drowning / I would give you my lungs / So you could breathe / If you let me / I’ll hold your hand tight / For a hundred years at least / But even that wouldn’t be long enough / No one else can make me promise them / Hundred years of my time, at least / And if you’d be okay with it, even longer than that

(there were so many finnish songs i realized fit them PERFECTLY but idk if it’s okay to spam them in this context, maybe some other time)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU i love yapping about music and clegan so this was a dream way to start my day!!

[bladeweaver-if]

Devlog (16/02/24)

Sorry that my devlogs have been quite slow recently! Busy times, and all that, but I am writing when I can, and I try to put out at least 2-3 of these a week. I do hope people like seeing them, I feel like it keeps you more in the loop of what's going on even if you don't read most/any of them. 😅

I wrote 1.5k more of Chapter 2 today, in particular more of the scene where you greet Sam's dad. I'm trying to put in plenty of options so you can build your character's personality early, the way you want. My intent is for there to be a wide range of personality traits your character can display based on the stats I have coded in, and that begins at this early stage.

In that vein, I've also been looking at a system that logs your personality at the end of each chapter, so you can see how your character behaved at each milestone in their life, including their major choices in certain situations. This will be potentially important for book 2, if my hopes of importing save files doesn't pan out.

It's a work-in-progress, and probably won't be implemented for a while, but I think it'll be a neat feature for those who want to fully chart out/plan their character's development as the story progresses. Maybe you'll take your Bladeweaver down a darker path, from a childhood full of warmth and peace to something much more rageful and bitter. It's up to you 😉

Anyway, enough rambling about things that aren't implemented yet :p I've written some descriptions for the personality stats present in the character page in-game, so that'll be available to view in the next update. This description page also includes a small explanation of how I'll be handling personality checks and other such things.

That's all for now, bye!

[melsie-sims]

Yes, I'm bringing back the Build-A-City Challenge!! Are you excited?? I'm so excited!!

This is an important announcement regarding some of my current save files. I'm not just screaming incoherently about my upcoming BACC, I swear.

But first... BACC! I hope everyone's as excited as I am about my upcoming save and that you don't think I'm starting something new again that I'll probably abandon (that's kind of been my M.O. lately and I hate it! I'm so sorry!). I've been considering bringing back the challenge for MONTHS though... it's probably been the most consistent Sims-related thing on my mind.

2 years ago, BACC was the challenge that really kick started my whole Simblr, and quite frankly it's the only challenge that's kept my attention for longer than 2 months (I played it for well over a YEAR!). The only reason I even stopped was because the game was so freaking glitched, to the point where my save was unplayable. But so much has changed since then, lots of those bugs have been taken care of... and I feel ready to bring on a whole new batch of founders. I hope I love them as much as I loved Jericho, Andy, Rusty, Hailey, Nineka... and yes, to some extent, even William.

With that said, I wanted to make this official. I'm going to be cancelling the Deadly Apocalypse Challenge. It was a cool concept and I had fun setting up the save... but I did not feel it.

I'm also very, very hesitantly considering cancelling Kingdom of Melwyn. I know you guys really like that one (and I do too!) but the save is already so slow and glitchy it's almost unplayable... I use a lot of the same mods as my Ultimate Decades and that runs fine, so I'm not sure what's going on there. I'm going to say it's on an indefinite hiatus for the time being. I might bring it back if it runs better down the road, or I might not.

My Ultimate Decades challenge will be back VERY soon (likely in the next week or two if I'm lucky). I still have a day's worth of Decades posts queued but I accidentally updated my game the other day (don't click 'play' without reading, there might be a sneaky patch you didn't know about) so I'll have to check through my many, many historical mods before I go into that save again.

I hope everyone's having a fantastic weekend! Happy spooky season eve and happy simming! 🧡🖤🎃

[random-mailbox]

Random-Mailbox's Favorite Sailor Moon Fics - Week 32 - Dreams

Dreams have always been part of Sailor Moon story, no matter which iteration you are a fan of. Dreams of the past and dreams of the princess have helped move the story forward and give our favorite duo motivation. In these stories dreams play a bigger part of the plot. 

As always, my apologies in advance for spoiling some of these for you (Fic Titles are linked to either FFN or AO3 entries).

Only In My Dreams - Crystal Saturn

Serena’s dream world and real world collide, spilling out and getting noticed by Darien (and Andrew), who try their best to help, as she fights her own demons. 

Lucid - @floraone

Mamoru and Usagi have been dreaming of each other for years now, going from not-quite-friends to someone they cannot imagine spending their life without. Even if Mamoru is convinced he is going crazy and this is all a hallucination. Leave it to Usagi to try to bridge their dream-world with reality. 

Once Upon A Dream / Nightmares  - @kasienda

This set of stories is probably one of my favorites in the whole fandom for many reasons. One is that dreams play a huge part of the plot in both of these, Mamoru’s psychometry is written super well and, as far as I am concerned, her version of break-up in Nightmares is probably the only one I will accept where Mamoru is not being a complete jackass, with them taking the time to find their way to each other. 

No matter how many times I'm reborn, I'll fall in love with you again - lunarblossoms

Both Usagi and Mamoru have been dreaming. But this dream feels different, it’s leaving both of them unsettled and unable to shake it. That is until they run into each other in front of Crown and the world around them shifts. 

Somniloquy - @ninjettetwitch

This one is a fun little lemon of Usagi waking up Mamoru with talking in her sleep. Specifically talking about Mamoru. And Tuxedo Mask? And King Endymion?

Dream Girl -@idesofnovember

Dreams of Silver Millennium have always trickled in and have been getting more pronounced over the years. Except all of a sudden Mamoru’s dreams are not just of balls or dying - they are of more intimate sides of Serenity and Endymion’s relationship and he is having hard time reconciling it with his everyday life. 

Snippets: Chapter 7: Nightmares - @uglygreenjacket

This one-shot is dealing with the effects that battles (this one specifically with Pharaoh 90) are having on Usagi and the never ending nightmares she is having to endure.

---

That's it for this week. Next Monday we will cover "Friends" as the theme. So expect cute little one-shots about not just Usagi and Mamoru but also the extended Senshi family.

Here are the links to the previous Tumblr posts in these series to explore more amazing works based on different themes - make sure to check them out if you haven't had a chance! (Click on title name to go to the post) - I will keep updating the list every week as new posts come up:

Week 1 - Groundhog Day

Week 2 - Established Relationships

Week 3 - Sex Positivity

Week 4 - Unfinished Stories

Week 5 - Darker Stories

Week 6 - Potions 🧪

Week 7 - Reveals

Week 8 - 👻Halloween🎃

Week 9 - Wrong Perceptions

Week 10 - Non-Senshi AU

Week 11 - In-Progress Fics

Week 12 - Mutual Pining

Week 13 - Enemies to Lovers

Week 14 - Slow Burn

Week 15 - Christmas Part 1 - Ugly Christmas Sweaters and Santa!

Week 16 - Christmas Part 2

Week 17 - New Years

Week 18 - High School AU

Week 19 - Slice of Life

Week 20 - Coffee shop AU

Week 21 - Huddle for Warmth

Week 22 - Friends to Lovers

Week 23 - ❤️Valentines Day❤️

Week 24 - Do a Grouch a Favour Day (or Cheer Up Fics)

Week 25 - Soulmate AU

Week 26 - Amnesia Fics (and resources)

Week 27 - 🍀St Patrick's Day🍀

Week 28 - Fix it Fics

Week 29 - Prompt: Mug

Week 30 - Flowers

Week 31 - Traditions

[purpleyin]

Ok, time for the promised personal update post. It's a lot. Like a lot a lot. I've mentally tried writing this out several times and it always gets too complex but here goes. So, since January...

I got yet another infection from a long-term cyst of mine the NHS doesn't see fit to deal with removing now they're trying to cost cut

I started having some strange allergic? responses (to a new shampoo and to touching some things in the house). When I took the antibiotics for the above, it had a side effect listed where it could make allergies worse, which 2 pharmacists I checked with both swore to me wasn't actually anything to worry about (but giving different reasons for why not, which was sus) and to definitely still take it. Only it did indeed make everything so much worse. It also upset my stomach so badly despite probiotics and generally made me feel awful on top of the allergy stuff going on, so that was a hellish week.

The 'so much worse' allergies stuff was four things, which continued after the antibiotics finished as well: 1) me reacting with itching, wheezing, throat tightness, tingly sometimes red lined lips, cheeks burny/hot, raised heartrate, sometimes chest pain, to many toiletries even ones I'd been using fine for ages previously. 2) me reacting similarly to a selection of foods too, which later I figured out mostly corresponded to things either higher in histamine or processed foods with additives. Plus, there was still the probable interstitial cystitis bladder pain going on that GPs didn't get to the bottom of, nor follow-up on, which got a lot better when I switched to only drinking water but would sometimes get worse at the same time as some food reactions. Randomly lost about a stone of weight inexplicably too near the start of this 3) me reacting to scents and strong smells, particularly chemical ones from laundry or dishwashing detergent but also in toiletries. And suddenly having a hypersensitive nose in general, able to strongly smell stuff my housemate could barely pick up on 4) my existing dust mite allergy got to a practically unmanageable level of contact dermatitis bright red itchy hands anytime I touched anything with even a vague amount of allergen on it, so basically everything in my house considering how ill I'd been for months before this and not managed much cleanin for ages. All my clothes made me itchy too since I'd previously not realised 30C washing only washes some-to-most of the dust mites and allergens out, not all, and apparently now that suddenly mattered.

I had several people suggest to me that my symptoms sounded like either histamine intolerance or MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), which I'd already actually come to the conclusion of fairly quickly (yay for my previously reading up on it last year after seeing thebibliosphere's posts about it). I went back on my daily antihistamine quickly, which helped a bit and I probably never should have stopped last October when they took me off it to see if it decreased my fatigue. But my GPs reaction to everything was basically 'that sounds complicated, let's get you to an allergist'. Got an appointment next week but no clue if the allergist will take me seriously because it's the same department that ignored similar but much more minor symptoms I had like this back in 2014 (told me it was just anxiety since they couldn't identify what was causing it).

I went on a low histamine diet quite quickly too which had helped I think. Now I'm slowly reintroducing products and foods to try to find ones I don't react to or react least to. It's very slow progress since it's unpleasant trying too many in one day, reactions feel kinda cumulative that way and trying has to be plenty spaced out.

I've also been getting a crash course in the ways of reducing dust mites. Special bedding, air purifier, dehumidifier, special laundry detergent for things I can't wash on high heat. Having to change bedding very often and also very slowly try to wash my whole wardrobe and get rid of things that are too difficult to keep dust mite free. This level of cleaning is not compatible with being a spoonie unfortunately, so I can never clean enough just try my best and often end up exhausted with no energy for other stuff.

All of this has been very expensive, bye bye to a chunk of my savings. Buying stuff to help stop my reactions. Or buying things I hope will be safe, to try out, only to react to them and not be able to use it turns out. The products that are more natural/less ingredients/less additives tend to be handmade and/or specialised too. And the electricals expensive to boot, both purchase cost and running costs having them on 24/7 and so much more laundry including the expense of frequent tumble drying. Plus having to buy a lot of fresh/good quality/organise whole foods or better quality less additives foods gets pricy quickly too. I'd had so little patience while this was going, being already very distressed about everything making life hellish, that I was just in the mood of throw savings at a problem if there's something that might fix it.

Oh, and also while that whole new mess with the infection & antibiotics & allergies was going on, I have some bruises that are oddly not going away inexplicably (still not sure why) and then found a lump in my abdomen a week after the antibiotics. Got fast tracked for cancer tests - gastroscopy, several ultrasounds, bloodtests, stool samples, CT (that I had quite a bit of wheezing/throat tight & feeling odd after the contrast). Thankfully after a month I found out that turned out to be a benign lipoma, but they also discovered I have signs of fatty liver, diverticular disease, a lax muscle between stomach and oesophagus, and also several ovarian cysts they're now keeping an eye on. And now it turns out my inflammation is high right now due to my previous ingrown toe from Nov/Dec needing some nail cut off as it's still red (that they strongly suggested I should maybe get done privately, but waiting to see if the referral goes through on NHS) and my thyroid levels are squiffy possibly due to that inflammation in the meantime. And yet... the NHS doesn't think dealing with the cyst that might get infected again (it's happened twice now) nor the toe that might get infected again that's still inflamed currently might possibly need to be a priority for the person on immunosuppressants who is meant to be careful and proactive to avoid infections - it's all very well me being proactive about those but if the parts of the NHS other than my rheumatology department don't take it seriously there's not much I can do unless going private. :/ It never rains, it pours, seems quite apt for my health since last October. One of the saddest bits is not really being able to pet or cuddle my cat much at all because I react to the dust he has on his fur from sitting on the floor. Even if I wash myself quickly afterwards, I still react on my skin, will get wheezy, and then need to change clothes, only I'm barely keeping up with washing and have so few wearable clothes at any time so that's not an option most of the time. I got cotton gloves to use for stroking him but he's a little suspicious of those. I can tell he's been sad about the lack of human contact (housemate at least still can do so, has done extra pets) and it breaks my heart he might think I dislike him now. He'd also had his own stresfful and pretty expensive health issues since January that I had to deal with while feeling awful myself (I went to the vets in pajamas twice), though he's stable now and happier. For a while, I had to keep him inside and feed him new meds on a schedule, which he pretty much hated me for. He also got so confused at not being allowed in my lap or at the top of my bed for dust mite reasons. Because of that in January my previously fairly chill cat started routinely hissing at me, it all probably made him think me mean. He's allowed out now again and adapted to taking the new meds, being given tastier food as bribery to eat them. I think he's still confused and a bit sad but better than it had been.

So yeah, life has just been throwing so much damn crap at me and it feels like it never stops. I've had so many joys in my life taken away or much reduced by my ill health. Especially that gardening is so hard now, and crafts are getting harder as well since my eyesight got worse lately to go with joint pain affecting dexterity, and then good company or going places isn't feasible with both COVID cautiousness others have abandoned and my light sensitive migraines with sunlight or most lighting sources. Part of what still comforted me despite everything snowballing in the last few years was that I still had good food and drink to enjoy, only this latest load of health issues has stripped a lot of that away too now and I don't know if I will get it back or not. These last few months it's often been hard to see so little left in my life that I can take pleasure in. There's still writing and learning and TV/books/films/games, but so much time now is being taken up by the endless cycle of cleaning, tidying, washing, trying to research ways to improve things, and medical tasks. I just look forward to some point this year, I hope, when I've got the house and clothing situation under control, when there might be more time/energy for those few good things left.

[averageartistamber]

Okay, so a quick update regarding my YouTube video projects.

Hello, it’s me again, so, I’m back to quickly talk about my videos from this year, and what I might have planned for next year.

Yeah, so you might have noticed that my videos tend to end up pretty long, and so take quite a long time to make. I am considering changing the way I make videos to some degree to hopefully get stuff out a bit faster. The big time sink is mainly the “extra” illustrations, so I think I might try making visuals that revolve more around speed paints, than these extra images (putting a few in here and there, but maybe having a cap for the number). Plus with les time on those I could be able to spend more time on the writing.

As for the projects themselves, we have a few options. Naturally, there can be more entries in the My Take On series, where the next one would probably be part 2 of the Ultraman video with aliens.

Next up is Splatoon: Operation Rock Out!...This one for now I think I’m gonna make just as a one-off story, rather than a full series, but it could get more entries in the future. Honestly, if there’s any fandom project I do end up committing multiple entries to, there’s a high chance it would be this one.

This also leads to potential for similar one-off original short stories. I do wanna pull myself out of the “fan art sinkhole” I’ve been stuck in for a few years now and start making original stuff more often.

Now for the big one-Ryan and the Quest Crew/Project Pheonix.

This was originally gonna be a narrative story series, but I’m thinking I might do something different. The main piece of tangible material I have for this project is actually a Dungeons and Dragons homebrew setting and campaign (which for the last few weeks I’ve actually been running) that I started working on back in November last year.

So…This might actually end up becoming more like a worldbuilding project (with some story bits here and there maybe), where I share my homebrew setting, as well as things like the custom quests and monsters that I make for the game (while drawing proper art for them and giving them lore and all that.). This could even become inspiration for your own games or something.

Finally, I wanna say that I don’t think I’m going to continue Fazbear Collection…And honestly, a big reason for that is that I feel like it’d be better more me if I just enjoy FNAF a bit more casually, and am able to dip in and out, rather than have the obligation to stick with a long-term project. Okay, another reason I tried that idea is because if you’re reading this, you probably found my channel through Alone at Freddy’s, so since my most successful video was a FNAF one, I felt like I ‘had’ to make more FNAF videos. Plus, I’m not a huge fan of how the final Episode One actually came out, dunno, think it dragged on for too long and the tone ended up too dark and serious. Don’t get me wrong, I still like FNAF, just not enough to spend potentially years on a fan project.

So, yeah. That’s my update for the year. I’ve learned a fair bit, and for next year I’m gonna try working on efficiency (though note due to things like me running DnD games, video production might still end up being a bit slow).

[sixie1092]

Jolie Mortelle

a puppet I made for my bunny for our anniversary! 🩷🧡🐰🐱🧡🩷

WIP pics and updates under the read more! 😸

I didn’t think to take progress pictures until after I got the base finished, and only just decided to make a post documenting the process tonight lol 😓 But I’m literally winging it- I’ve never made anything like this, and aside from the things I was taking inspiration from and a few quick videos I’ve watched for tips on stringing the puppet and help with the hair, I haven’t been following any specific patterns or anything for it, lol, so I don’t think it would have been helpful/interesting to anyone anyway…

Update 1, 08/18: She’s coming along pretty well- I started working on her in the last week of July, and it really didn’t take me very long to make the base puppet, though now that I’m doing more of the detailed work, progress has slowed…I’m gonna have to set aside some extra time to sneak working on her at home to make sure I get her done in time, I think; I’ve strictly been working on her on breaks work until tonight; I snuck her home in my lunchbox on Friday, and sat up for an extra 3 or so hours after bunny went to bed tonight working on rooting in some of her hair.

I’m about 1/3ish done with the hair, I’d say; it’s been time consuming, but rewarding, too, seeing the hair slowly get built up and looking more and more finished. I am nervous about it holding up…once I’ve finished, I’m gonna put glue inside the head to hopefully keep it held in. It is pretty sturdy already- combing through the hair with my fingers doesn’t pull the pieces out, but I’m worried about when I have to comb and style the hair eventually…which brings up another question I have to work out: my original design idea was to have her with straight hair, but the hair I got was curly. I figured I would just find a way to straighten it, but now that I’m putting it in, the curly hair is growing on me…I’m gonna have to decide how would be best to style it and everything, either way.

I’ve also run into an issue with the paint on her face chipping off, so I’m going to be thrust into touching up her face…I always kinda wanted to learn how to do faceups on dolls to make ooaks, but never had the confidence to…guess I’m gonna have to now, lol! Thankfully it’s only her nose and lips that have gotten their paint messed up…I think I’m gonna re-do both in black to match her ~goth aesthetic~ more lol, and I want to figure out a way to seal it and avoid further paint chipping, if possible…

After I’m done with her hair, the next step is going to be attaching her ears and hat, then I’ll probably figure out the stringing/sticks situation…the baubles I’ve gotten to add to her shawl will probably go on last, because that’s probably the part I’m most excited for! 😸 I also got a cute little box for her, and I might make up some cushioning and spruce up the inside a bit if I have time to, but I guess we’ll have to see.

Hopefully my next update won’t be quite so long-winded lol!

Update 2, 08/21: hair’s all rooted! Gonna put some glue inside next to hopefully make it hold stronger…Once the glue dries, I’m gonna wash out the hair and try to style it so she looks less like a mix of Sadako and a mop dog and more of the character I had in mind lol.

Unfortunately, I jinxed myself and a bunch more of her face paint chipped off, so now I’m officially in doll repainting territory; I’m gonna draw up some designs for her new face and see how I wanna do it…hopefully it won’t look awful lmao!! 🤞🏻

I’ll be bringing her home to work on her while bunny’s away, and I have an extended weekend off from work coming up, so I’ll try and sneak in some work on those days, too >__>

Update 3, 08/22: Okay, so that didn’t turn out as bad as I thought it would…

I DID cheat a little and used markers and not paints, because I didn’t trust myself, but I think she looks pretty nice!!

I decided to go with a clown theme, to match bunny when she does her clowning 🩷 I didn’t end up keeping her super cool, dramatic pink eyeshadow across her face, on account of the clown makeup, which made me kinda sad- it’s one of the things I liked most about this doll face to begin with! Maybe next time I’m messing around with doll repainting or anything I’ll try to recreate the look…

I’m letting it dry for now, then I’ll be adding some modpodge to keep it all sealed up!

Update 4, 08/23: Technically the 22nd into the 23rd lol. She’s nearly done!!

I had to touch up her white paint because the modpodge made the black outlines I drew bleed a bit 😭 but I guess that makes it look a little more like real makeup lol…? and now I know not to use that kind of marker with modpodge next time!

I’m still not really happy with the way her hair is turning out, so I’m gonna try and keep playing with it- for now, I have it pulled back to try and help it lay a little flatter!

I also added in her hat and her ears; I went the super simple route and just pinned them in, which seems to be holding up well enough for now, but I might go back in and attach them more permanently later, if I have time. I added some extra hair in the spots that didn’t quite end up getting covered by the hat, and might add some more- I have to mull it over for a while, not look at her and then go back and assess lol.

I also added her strings, and now have to figure out how to attach her to the control sticks…handles? What do you call a marionette’s controller…? (i looked it up- apparently they’re called control bars lol) I have some ideas, but I’m not sure how well it’ll work out…I’ll figure it out ✌🏻 Then, aside from that and the hair, all I have left to do is add her little charms and things, if I’m remembering correctly…I might not be because I pulled an all-nighter working on her after getting home from the drive-in lolol- definitely worth it, though. 😺 I’m so excited to see her finally, fully coming together!!

Anyway, it’s almost 6am…gotta feed the cat soon, then I’m going to bed 🥱

Update 5, 08/25: Aahh I forgot to take pix for this one, oops 😖 But she’s already hidden away, I’m not gonna pull her back out right now…Anyway, I got her sticks attached! She doesn’t have really good range of motion like I was hoping, but I guess she’s supposed to be kinda simple anyway…

I’m really excited at how she’s turning out so far, and I’m so excited to give her to bunny!! I don’t have too much work left to do…my next update might be the last before her ~grand reveal!~ 🤩

Update 6, 08/31: She’s done!!!! 😸

I really like the way she turned out, and I’m so excited to give her to bunny next week!! I might make some quick minor fixes before packing her up to be wrapped, but I think that’s about it for her!

[kmrealtygroup]

How the Economy Impacts Mortgage Rates

As someone thinking about buying or selling a home, you’re probably paying close attention to mortgage rates — and wondering what’s ahead.

One thing that can affect mortgage rates is the Federal Funds Rate, which influences how much it costs banks to borrow money from each other. While the Federal Reserve (the Fed) doesn’t directly control mortgage rates, they control the Federal Funds Rate.

The relationship between the two is why people have been watching closely to see when the Fed might lower the Federal Funds Rate. Whenever they do, that’ll put downward pressure on mortgage rates. The Fed meets next week, and three of the most important metrics they’ll look at as they make their decision are:

The Rate of Inflation

How Many Jobs the Economy Is Adding

The Unemployment Rate

Here’s the latest data on all three.

1. The Rate of Inflation

You’ve probably heard a lot about inflation over the past year or two — and you’ve likely felt it whenever you’ve gone to buy just about anything. That’s because high inflation means prices have been going up quickly.

The Fed has stated its goal is to reduce the inflation rate to 2%. Right now, it’s still higher than that, but moving in the right direction (see graph below):

2. How Many Jobs the Economy Is Adding

The Fed is also watching how many new jobs are created each month. They want to see job growth slow down consistently before taking action on the Federal Funds Rate. If fewer jobs are created, the economy will still be strong but cooling — their goal. That appears to be precisely what’s happening now.

Inman says:

“. . . the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that employers added fewer jobs in April and May than previously thought and that hiring by private companies was sluggish in June.”

So, while employers are still adding jobs, they’re not adding as many as before. That indicates the economy is slowing down after being overheated for quite some time. This is an encouraging trend for the Fed to see.

3. The Unemployment Rate

The unemployment rate is the percentage of people who want to work but can’t find jobs. A low rate means many Americans are employed, which is good news for many people.

But it can also lead to higher inflation because more people working means more spending — which drives up prices. Right now, the unemployment rate is low, but it’s been rising slowly over the past few months (see graph below):

It may seem harsh, but the Fed needs to see a consistently rising unemployment rate before deciding to cut the Federal Funds Rate. A higher unemployment rate would mean reduced spending, which would help get inflation back under control.

What Does This Mean Moving Forward?

While mortgage rates will continue to be volatile in the days and months ahead, these are signs the economy is headed in the direction the Fed wants to see. But even with that, they’ll unlikely cut the Federal Funds Rate when they meet next week. Jerome Powell, Chair of the Federal Reserve, recently said:

“We want to be more confident that inflation is moving sustainably down toward 2% before we start the process of reducing or loosening policy.”

We’re seeing the first signs now, but they need more data and more time to feel confident that this is a consistent trend. Assuming that direction continues, according to the CME FedWatch Tool, experts say there’s a projected 96.1% chance the Fed will lower the Federal Funds Rate at its September meeting.

Remember, the Fed doesn’t directly set mortgage rates. Whenever they decide to cut the Federal Funds Rate, mortgage rates should respond.

Of course, the timing of the Fed’s action could change due to new economic reports, world events, and other factors. That’s why trying to time the market is usually not a good idea.

Bottom Line

Recent economic data may signal that hope is on the horizon for mortgage rates. Let’s connect so you have an expert to keep you updated on the latest trends and what they mean for you.

Blog by KM Realty Group LLC, Chicago, Illinois

[scottyartz]

Busy Week!

Week Summary This week has been pretty calm, with not much happening besides being distracted by my nephew the whole week, haha.. However, the weekend proved to be quite productive as I filled up enough commissions to last the next 2 weeks! I also dedicated my whole Saturday to sprucing up the website to be more presentable. Seeing the updated layout come together, while still rough around the edges, was immensely satisfying. In other news, I don’t get to do a lot fun things for myself, but this week, Evo is occurring and I’ve been watching it with some friends a lot. I actually planned to attend this year, but I don’t like traveling by myself so maybe next year my friends and I can better prepare to travel together. Unfortunately, my favorite fighting game, Smash bros Melee has been absent from the Evo line up for quite some time now, so the event is not as hype to me as usual. But nonetheless, I’m still as immersed as ever spectating the other fighting games, especially Street fighter 6. (Do not challenge me in SF6 I am hot garbage) I also found a new game that I never thought would find interesting, Killer Instinct. I personally think the game is ugly as sin, but man do I actually appreciate how fast pace it is. With that being said, I can’t wait to see how Evo ends.

Art of the week!

As I stated before, this week was very productive for me. As of recent, commissions have been pretty slow actually but this time around, I have been besieged with eager new and returning clients. I can’t express how much I love my followers! Despite how busy I was, I’ve had time to indulge in some personal pieces. A lot more than usual! I have particularly enjoyed the 2 cute sketches of Asuka and Liz who I don’t get to draw often. Additionally, one of my favorite sketches here has to be the True Midna redesign. She’s the recent subject of a weekly drawing exercise I run with my artists peers called “Waifu of the Week”. We’ve kept it going for about 2 months now I believe? I’m not sure how long I’ll keep the activity going, but for the foreseeable future, you’ll see at least one drawing of some cute popular fictional girl every week on these posts. If some of my friends actually finish their pieces before the deadline, I might start sharing those too so look forward to that! Enjoy the Art! If you’re just visiting for the first time, which I’m sure probably 99% of you are, feel free to join the mailing list so you get updated on all my art of the week first hand! Every email that’s signed up is eligible for a free sketch once a month!

[moonflower-31]

Pen Pals - Spencer Reid x Reader

Part 1

Part 2!

Ongoing! (But slow updates, srry)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: Talk of being used for free labor? If that's anything?

A/N: Okay, guys, I got randomly inspired for this thing. Idk for sure about updates just yet, but I promise to get working on the next one for this and for IWFY. When inspo hits, it's gonna hit hard. So enjoy this! It's a bit longer than the last, but still. You'll get Spencer's next letter reply in the next installment. I'm also gonna start putting dates on their letters so we can follow along with the passage of time. Toodles!

Tags: @thatsonezesty13, @egg-boy03, @idjitlili, @meowiemari, @meganskane, @lonelyran, @rainsong01, let me know if I missed you or if you wanna be added to the list!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I remained too much inside my own head and ended up losing my mind.” - Edgar Allen Poe 

The sun was blisteringly hot, as Ohio summers always were. This one was no different. Of course today of all days had to be the day your father had picked to start work on the farm. Leaving you no time to prepare for your incoming day of departure. 

The past week or so had been…eventful, to say the least. After you’d graduated, you had hoped that maybe your parents would let up on some of their rules on studying. You had been right, but they were hellbent on you returning to school. Med school. Despite all the preparation you’d made for it, you weren’t quite sure you wanted to go through with your original plan. After all, it was your parent's dream. Not yours. 

No matter the circumstance, the conversations you had with your parents always ended with them discussing when you would be applying for med school. Scratch that, the conversations you had with your mother, while your father just stared at you. His conversations only ever composed of farm work and how you should listen to your mother. 

Now that you’d graduated, you didn’t know what to do. You were only 23. The sky’s the limit, as your bio-lab teacher, Mr. Underwood, would say. You just have to know when to jump. 

Your only problem? You had absolutely no idea. 

You reach up to your forehead, wiping off the sheen of sweat that had accumulated there. With a grunt, you forced yourself to lift the crate of feed bags your father had tasked you with carrying to the chicken coop. All morning you’d been working. From the minute Ronny, one of your family’s roosters, had woken you at dawn, you’d been hard at work with no breaks. Your father wouldn’t allow it even if you tried to ask. 

“(Y/N)! Enough wastin’ around! That feed ain’t gonna move itself!” Abraham, your father, shouted from off in the distance. He was probably headed to his tractor to start the harvest. You internally groaned, the annoyance multiplied by the rare breeze blowing your hair into your face. This was why you usually wore your hair back, whatever the length. Your mother always insisted on having it long, though. The idea of cutting it was never up for debate. The longer your hair, the happier your mother was. Though you did dream of the day you’d escape the farm life and chop it all off. The look on your mother's face would be priceless. 

“I’m not as strong as you dad! It’s gonna take me a bit.” You call back, grimacing as some of the wooden crate dug into your palms. You rearranged your hold, hoping to carry the weight in your legs if that made any sense. 

Whatever it was you did, it helped. The burden of the crate’s weight was soon not as much an issue, and the crate was put beside the coop. The roar of the tractor made you internally wish you were something else. A fish or a bird, anything to get out of having to help your father carry the harvest to the barn where it would be put into more crates and then shipped out to be properly cleaned and made ready for people to buy at the grocery store. When the harvest day comes, you know to make yourself busy with a study group, or something. But school was not in session. 

But then, as if the universe had heard your childish plea, you heard the backdoor swing open, and your mother call out to you. “(Y/N)! Could you go get the mail for me sweetheart?” 

The task, simple and much easier than the task you knew was coming, you jumped at the chance to do something else. “Yeah! Sure Mom!” You called before your father could cry out in protest that your mother was taking away his free labor. He was already suggesting you go to med school online, so you didn’t have to move. More like he wanted you to stay so he didn’t have to cough up the money to hire farmhands. 

Considering the amount of harvest your father’s farm produced every year, you and your father managed to get it all done somehow. Your family was well off in a way only a farmer’s family could be. But you knew that was only because they didn’t have to budget in a salary for helpers. Your father had wanted a son, as all men in your small town did, but unfortunately for him, you were the one and only child he was given. His brother, on the otherhand, had at least 6 boys. You’d lost count of how many facebook posts your aunt had made announcing another new ‘bundle of joy’. At least your mother’s sister knew her worth, and had decided to travel rather than to settle down and let a man control her life. You idolized her, and her gifts of international novels and special editions were everything. 

You raced towards the mailbox, your mind soon travelling to the idea of a new package from said aunt. It had only been a month or two since her last parcel, but you could still dream! 

Then you remembered your penpal letter you’d sent a few weeks prior. You wondered if it even got to it’s destination. People moved locations all the time. You hadn’t even stopped to consider that when you’d sent the damn thing. The thought that you could have a reply hadn’t crossed your mind at all since you’d graduated. Excitement quickly filled your bones and you raced faster down the hill towards the mailbox in the front of your family’s property closest to the road. You slowed your racing feet to a halt as you approached your family’s mailbox. The red flag was up! 

An excited giggle erupted from your throat before you could catch it, making yourself pause and take a deep breath. There was no reason to get this excited over a response. Or over a present from your aunt. But the childish voice in your head quickly convinced you otherwise. You reached out with a grin, opening the box almost dramatically. To your triumph, there was indeed mail! But unfortunately, no package. 

Only slightly disheartened, you grabbed the small stack of letters and started to look at the names of to whom they were addressed to. As you began to look, you started to head back up the hill towards your house, almost forgetting to close the mailbox. 

The first envelope you looked at seemed to be an advertisement for a cruise. As if. It was addressed to your mother. Of course. She loved to dream. You put that one behind the rest and looked at the second. This one was addressed to your father, unfortunately. You then placed that one behind the previous and continued through the rest of the mail, almost losing hope that you’d be getting a response at all. Then, when all hope felt lost, and you had grabbed the handle to your front screen door, you glanced down at the last envelope. It was addressed to you! 

With a dart of your eyes you checked the sender’s name, and your heart flipped as you read the name back as Dr. Spencer Reid. 

Withholding the full extent of your excitement, you quickly opened the front door and grabbed your letter before dropping the rest on the dining room table. 

“Thank you darling-” Your mother says sweetly, blinking in bewilderment as you run up the stairs to your room with an envelope in your hand. She raises an eyebrow, intrigued. 

You close your door once you manage to slide into your room, racing over to your desk to open the small envelope. You pick up the letter opener your aunt had sent with the stationary and quite literally rip the thing open. At this action you take a brief pause. Maybe it was best that you calmed down a bit. You didn’t want your mother to get too curious. 

After a deep breath, you open your eyes and pull the neatly folded paper from the now opened envelope. You place the envelope aside and open the letter. You read happily, entirely thrilled by the contents. So he was a doctor! Not a medical one, but neither were you! Your eyes continue to scale the letter up and down, your smile growing with each new fact. His IQ was impressive! And so was his reading speed. Not mention he was extremely well educated. Three PhDs? He really earned his right to be called a doctor. 

So his address had changed. You were right. But it had somehow made it to him. 

What fascinated you even more was his similar love for reading. Especially in another language. It was like you were meeting another version of you but, genderbent. Kinda. 

Your eyes turned to the list of books the good doctor had left at the end of his letter. Your smile grew even wider, even though you already had over half of these books on your shelf already. 

Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - (One of my personal favorites)

Beyond Good and Evil - Friedrich Nietzsche 

The Illiad - Homer 

The Raven and the Monkey’s Paw - Edgar Allen Poe 

The Happiness Hypothesis - Jonathan Haidt 

You smiled, happy to see your penpal enjoyed many of the same books and stories that you did. You read it over just once more before you decided it was time to put it away before your mother came in with the news that your father was asking for you. You searched your room for a moment, unsure of where to put the letter for safe keeping. Who knows? You may want to look back on them someday. 

“I’ve gotta have something…” You mumble to yourself. 

“(Y/N)? Honey? Did you get any mail?” You heard your mother’s voice suddenly call through the door to your room while accompanying a knock. A brief jolt of nervousness runs through you, worried if your mother found out about the letter she’d forbid you from sending another reply. Then you sighed with relief. You could just say it was a copy of your diploma. 

“Yeah, just a copy of my diploma, mom.” You called back. Your mother seemed to accept it, not immediately doubting you. 

“Mind if I come in?” Your mother asked suddenly. You felt your throat grow dry as your nerves rose again. It’s fine. You can hide the letter, you tell yourself. But where?

“Honey?” Your mother asks again, the doorknob slowly turning. In a panic, you open your nightstand drawer and shoved the letter inside along with the envelope. You turned back towards your mother, who now stood in your doorway facing you who stood in front of your nightstand. She blinked a few times, confused. There was no way she wasn’t suspicious now. 

“Hey uh... Sorry. I was putting my diploma away. D-don’t need two versions of the same thing out and displayed, right?” You reply, mentally cursing your stutter. Again, your mother seems to buy your excuse, shaking her head and approaching you. 

 “I was just checking on you, honey. Did you need anything? I know you’ve been outside all day.” Your mother offered, reassuring you that she was merely curious. You hold back your sigh of relief, beginning to shake your head. 

“No I don’t think there’s…” You begin, before you remember. “Wait, mom, do you still have that old jewelry box you wanted to give me a few years ago? The one with the hidden slots?” You begin. Your mother ponders your question for a moment, probably bewildered that of all things to ask for after a day in the hot sun, you ask for a family heirloom. 

“I think so… why? Did you want it?” She asked, a slight tone of hope making your mother’s pitch rise. You quickly nodded, watching as your mother smiled and nodded back to you. “Alright, then I’ll go find it. Let me know if there’s anything else, okay?” Your mother walked back towards your bedroom door, making sure you knew you could ask her for anything you needed. Despite her shortcomings, she was your mother, and you loved her. Even if her views were slightly skewed. 

“I know, Mom. I’ll be sure to ask if I need anything else.” You assure her, Almost pushing her out the door via the actual door. She sighed and stepped away from the doorway, smiling back at you tiredly. 

“Alright sweetie. Just know your father is asking for you. I’ll leave the jewelry box on your desk.” Your mother informs and it takes every fiber of your being not to groan in frustration. Not getting out of it this time. 

Without another word, your mother closes your door, and you’re left in your own excitement and annoyance. At least something good came of today.

—---

“Hey, pretty boy.”

Spencer lifted his head from his desk of reports, a little annoyed that his focus had been interrupted. His hazel eyes met the brown ones of Derek Morgan, a playful grin on his face. He didn’t reply, knowing Derek would soon tell him what he wanted anyway. 

“Why don’t you come with Garcia, Prentiss, and me tonight? We’re celebrating a win.” Derek suggests. Spencer raises an eyebrow and shakes his head, a smile quickly finding its place on his face. As a side note, he did notice the lack of hair swinging into his face now that he’d gotten his hair cut. He didn’t hate it. 

“I’ve worked with the three of you long enough to know that an ‘outing’ always leads to trouble. Largely, because it more than likely involves copious amounts of alcohol.” Reid replies, turning his focus back to his reports. He’d already almost finished them, as was his usual. Derek still had at least half the stack Reid had started with to get done. It gave Spencer a small twinge of pride. 

Derek rolled his eyes. “Come on, man. You never wanna go out with us. Are we no fun for you?” Derek teased. 

“No, it’s actually the fact that I have done the research and calculated the statistics to know that when alcohol is involved alongside you, the night will more than likely end with me in a back alley with sharpie on my face.” Spencer, without looking up from his reports, quickly fired back. 

“Woah, when did this happen?” Emily’s voice suddenly entered the conversation, her figure taking a seat at her desk. Her voice hinted with amusement, alerting Reid to the fact that she was also teasing. He wasn’t going to risk misunderstanding verbal and nonverbal cues again.

Spencer lifted his head, himself slightly amused. “October 23rd of last year Morgan had the brilliant idea to take me out as a ‘birthday present’ rather than just buying a book as he’d done before. I woke up in the middle of the night with sharpie drawn on my face and ditched in the back alley behind the bar. Morgan had already gone home!” Spencer regaled, pulling a smile from the man in question as he slightly spun in his chair while twirling his pen. Emily widened her eyes and huffed out a laugh. 

“Okay, that’s a pretty valid reason,” Emily says, laughing as she turns to her reports to begin working. “Though we should hang out sometime soon. Even if it isn’t a bar to make sure our resident genius doesn’t have to scrub his face raw.” Emily’s smile grows as she jokes. Spencer rolls his eyes as Morgan lets out an extended ‘Ooohh’. 

“See I didn’t ask for this abuse? Okay? Someone tell me it’s 8 o’clock.” Spencer retorted in protest, pulling a laugh from both of his co-workers. His smile is obvious though, amused by his co-workers and their teasing after years of growing used to it. 

“What's the rush? You got a date waiting for you?” Morgan teased. Spencer rolled his eyes again. 

“Not everyone is as entertained by the thought of a relationship as you, Morgan.” Spencer insisted. “No, I do not have a date. I actually have a ‘date’ with coffee and my bed. See, I can do metaphors.” Spencer insisted, turning again to his reports and writing a few lines. 

“That…I’m not even gonna attempt it.” Emily spoke, laughing with Morgan at Spencer’s lack of understanding of references and sayings. 

Unfortunately, that was where the conversation quickly died down and the three were left in silence. It irked Spencer greatly, especially since these ‘abandoned’ conversations had been a frequent occurrence since JJ had been whisked away to the Pentagon. It was like there was a piece of them missing. The team had run so smoothly that to take away one of their members was like taking away the main power source of a machine. Leaving him and the remaining members scrambling to figure out how to compensate. 

Finally, a few minutes later, Spencer finished his last report and closed it triumphantly. He briefly checked his watch, happy to see the shorthand pointing at the 8.  “See you guys tomorrow.” He says as he stands up and picks up his messenger bag and slings it on his left shoulder to rest against his right hip, waving goodbye to Morgan and to Emily. 

“Don’t party too hard.” Derek called, pulling a smile back onto Spencer’s face as he carried his reports to Hotch’s desk. 

—----

Exhaustion was starting to feel heavy as Spencer stepped into his apartment, the dim lights certainly not helping his case. He yawned tiredly, placing his go bag by the door as usual. He opened his messenger bag, remembering he’d grabbed his mail before heading upstairs. He places his messenger bag on his dining table, taking a seat to look at his probably over-due bills and mail. 

Unsurprisingly, Spencer found his water and electric bill in the stack, setting them aside to get done tomorrow morning before he heads into work. Then, what catches his eye, is the slightly smaller envelope with the hesitant and light penmanship. He chuckles to himself, happy to see he hadn’t scared his pen pal away with his detailed account of his academic achievements. However, upon second glance at the sender’s name and address, Spencer is slightly taken aback at the new addition beside the name. Dr. (Y/N) (L/N).  

Spencer smiles wider. So she’s graduated?

Spencer turns the envelope over, laughing to himself as he sees the envelope had not been sealed, and the seal had been folded into the envelope once again. He pulls the seal out and then the letter on the familiar blue stationary. Spencer then turns the delicate paper over, and began to read. 

18/09/2010

Hello again, Dr. Reid!  (How old are you by the way?)  

It is so good to hear from you! I was almost sure you were going to throw my letter away. Like, who uses Penpalsrus.com anymore besides ten-year-olds? I’m glad I got you though. You seem interesting! I love Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, by the way. I’ve read more things than you could probably guess. Though with your Eidetic memory you might.

I love poetry too. I have a whole book of Edgar Allen Poe’s poems on my bookshelf. My aunt sends me all kinds of books from her library every few months. I think I have a Greek version of the Illiad somewhere. I could loan it to you if you wanted. Though my mother might not like the amount of money I’d be spending to send it. 

So, you could probably read it already, but I finally graduated and I have my doctorate. I’m supposed to apply for med school this fall. My dad wants me to do it online so I can stay here on our family farm. Like I don’t do enough work already! I guess I don’t know what I want to do. My parents were the ones wanting me to go to med school. If I had any say I’d probably stick with biology and work in a lab. Or go back to school for Chem. Not that I don’t wanna learn about human behavior. It still fascinates me how people work. I study the brain in my free time for goodness sake!

What would you do? If you were in my shoes? I wanna make them happy, but this is my life. I can’t cater to them for the rest of my existence. 

You don’t have to give me an answer, by the way. I guess I’m just venting? It’s not like you could somehow tell my parents that I’m secretly planning to move out when I go back to college. 

What do you do for work, if you don’t mind my asking? A job that requires you to read people sounds amazing. Though I’d probably be happier in a lab. 

What are your PhDs and BAs? Maybe you can help me with my next doctorate. 

I should probably close this here. It’s getting kinda late. I hope to hear from you soon! 

Sincerely, 

(Y/N) (L/N)

Spencer found himself smiling warmly at the letter, not at all annoyed as he had been the first time he’d found out about his mother’s attempt to get him to socialize as a child. He felt he already knew (Y/N) better just from this one letter. The feelings she’d put into it were all over the blue paper. Not just in the words, but the lettering itself. The graphite wasn’t as light as it was the first time, however, it was still delicately written. The upper left hand corner had drops of wax on it, indicating she’d been writing by candlelight. 

Spencer folded the letter back up, leaving the rest of his mail on the table, forgotten. He headed to his bedroom, placing the letter among the first in his nightstand. He reached up and loosened his tie, shedding his sweater vest as his mind swarmed with ideas on how he wanted to reply. He didn’t at first think he’d find a friend in this little endeavor. But he’d clearly been wrong. 

She was into the books that he was. At the very least, Spencer had found a friend that he could discuss his favorite books with. But, secretly he hoped to create something he hadn’t had in some time outside the team or his childhood friend and rival, Ethan; a friend. Someone outside the team he could talk to without risk of putting anyone in danger as well as having an excuse to forget his current predicaments to talk with someone out of the loop. 

Spencer sighed to himself, wandering to his desk and taking his seat once again. His mind was too active to rest. He couldn’t recall when he’d last felt as excited as a child to simply write to someone. 

So, once he’d picked up a sheet of notebook paper and a pen, he began to write. And before long, he’d finished with a smile on his face and an ache in his wrist. Spencer yawned, stretching his arms out and rotating his wrist to soothe the ache. He stood up from his chair, resolving to make sure he put his reply in an envelope and mail it in the morning, along with sending his bill payments. 

Finally, Spencer felt his mind begin to rest, and with it, the rest of his body. He slowly removed his work clothes and climbed into bed, reminding himself of the poem left at the end of (Y/N)’s reply. He said it aloud to himself as he felt sleep quickly reach him, carrying the poem with him into sleep. 

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice. 

From what I’ve tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice, 

I think I know enough of hate

To know that for destruction ice 

Is also great

And would suffice. 

-Robert Frost

[hockeyboysimagines]

Say it to me softly

Chapter 10

Warnings: we’re talking about migraines, and some of what Nolan himself discussed about them. Some swearing, implied sex, COVID-19, and some angst.

I’m crying you guys. This is the final part of Say it to me softly. This is the first fic I’ve ever written and probably my favorite. Thank you for all the love you have shown this story, and the others. You have made all ten of these chapters so worth it. Also look for a surprise passage in this one! This may be the end of this story, but Nolan and Sawyer will be back. Keep an eye out! Now that this is finished the others will be updated more regularly. Thank you all, love you all and now here is the final part. I really hope you enjoy it.

-💕

Migraine

mi·graine

/ˈmīˌɡrān/

a recurrent throbbing headache that typically affects one side of the head and is often accompanied by nausea and disturbed vision.

That’s what the doctors called it. When Nolan’s headaches had become more than just headaches, he had been forced to be checked out. Doctors had no idea why they were happening, or how to treat them. So on April 2, 2019 Nolan played his last game of the season. It was hard. He leaned on Sawyer a lot during that time. She made sure he was always emotionally and physically taken care of. He couldn’t be more thankful for her than he was at that moment in his life. She was an Angel, and more than he deserved, which he had always known but it was moments like this when he realized just how lucky he was.

“You don’t have to do all this for me.” He mumbled as she closed all the curtains in her house and settled into bed next to him. She had been running herself ragged trying to make things as easy as possible for him, as he adjusted to this diagnosis and coped with the idea of not being able to play. She turned the tv brightness down and reached over to rub the back of his neck, something he had come to enjoy and found quite soothing over the past few weeks.

“You’ve always taken care of me Nols. Let me take care of you.”

He sighed and leaned his head on her arm, eyes closed. She smelled like vanilla and strawberry, and her touch was feather light and as much as he wanted her to keep rubbing his neck he wanted something else more. He straightened up slightly, and leaned in to kiss her, softly for a few moments before he pushed her back to roll on top of her. She pulled her mouth away from him, and put a hand on his chest.

“Nolan your head-“

“My head is fine, but I can’t say that it will be an hour from now. I just want to feel normal for a while.”

********

Eventually, and to much protesting from their friends, Nolan and Sawyer decided to go home to Winnipeg. There would be no point in staying in Philly, and the doctors agreed it might be good for Nolan to get home and rest during the off-season, in hopes that they would get better.

They didn’t.

He struggled a lot, not only with the migraines but with the idea that this could take hockey away from him. He had a ton of support between his parents, friends, sisters, Sawyer of course and the team. They checked in often, Travis everyday, and kept tabs on how he was feeling. Sawyer held his hand each step of the way, encouraging him to try new things and change his lifestyle in order to see what worked and what didn’t work. They spent that summer in Winnipeg doing what they could when he was feeling okay. As long as they were together nothing else really mattered. She went to every doctor appointment, took phone calls for him when he was sick, and even spoke with Chuck and his agent on his behalf when he couldn’t. It was slow and steady but they began to get an idea of his limitations and what made them better and worse.

The first week of July, Sawyer would recieve a phone call that would change her life. In a strange twist of fate, a DNA match by chance, they had finally found the person responsible for the murder of her sister. It had shocked her to her core, to hear those words come through the speaker on her phone, her face going white as a sheet. The next few weeks would be spent in court, Nolan attending when he could. After almost 9 years of waiting they had finally learned that it was random. He didn’t know her, he didn’t want her money. He thought she was pretty and she wasn’t interested. She and her family came face to face in court with him, looking at the man who had taken a member of their family so carelessly. She and Nolan talked about it at length, sometimes late at night and she cried on his shoulder more than once. But she was always thankful for his reassuring smile or a gentle hand squeeze to remind her that everything would be okay.

The man got life. And her family finally got the closure they deserved. Nash and Libby FaceTimed everyday, keeping the boys in the loop about what was happening there. They even made a surprise weekend trip out before they had to head back to Philly for camp, bringing Joel and Travis along. Nolan was shocked to see them, but happier than he had been in a long time. He thankfully was headache free and was able to enjoy time with his friends before they went to a camp he would not be attending. They spent three days together, talking, laughing, and spending valuable time with each other. For a minute the outside world didn’t matter. Not hockey, not the media, and not the migraines. For a minute it was just a group of best friends, laughing together on the Patrick’s back porch.

Nolan found some solace in working out and just skating to skate. As the weather turned chilly they bundled up and went a lot, sometimes Sawyer just watched and others she strapped on her own skates and they spent the afternoons into evening goofing around on an empty rink or a pond. She was getting pretty good, and had the advantage when it came to speed. He might even go as far as to say she was faster than he was. He smiled to himself as he watched her race across the ice and slip, sliding on her butt with a squeal. Her cheeks and nose were red from cold, and her ponytail had begun to slide but she was still the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He helped her up, and she laughed breathlessly, beaming up at him.

“Look out NHL. Catch me at the draft next year.” She huffed as she reached up to steady herself on his arms. He laughed, head falling forward, and sighed.

“I love you.” He said softly, big warm hand coming up to rest on the cold skin of her cheek.

“I love you too Nols.” And in that moment they weren’t two people stuck in an NHL limbo. They were just a guy and a girl, kissing under the stars.

Christmas came and went, and after a lot of discussion they made the big choice to move in together. The found a cute pale blue house 10 minutes from their parents, with a long driveway and black shutters. It was big enough to be spacious and open, but small enough to feel cozy. It was surrounded by trees, quiet and peaceful with a yard big enough for a dog.

“This is the kind of place to raise children.” The realtor said as she walked them through the empty rooms. Nolan watched Sawyer as her eyes moved around. They weren’t ready for marriage, or kids, but one day they would be. And this was where he wanted to start it. There were 3 bedrooms, a finished basement and attic, that had been converted into a master suite, with a bathroom. It was perfect.

“What do you think?” He asked as she ran her hands over the counters. She turned and gave him a small smile.

“I like it a lot.”

He nodded and turned to the realtor. His life had changed in so many ways, and this was a big positive in a sea of negative.

“We want it.”

They spent a few weeks signing papers, and packing before moving in. It was tough, as some days Nolan was sidelined but they managed to make it feel like a home in no time. Their families helped immensely, being there to move big furniture and help when Nolan couldn’t. They wouldn’t have been able to do it without them.

“So how does it feel?” Nolan asked as Sawyer loaded dishes into the dishwasher. She was doing it carefully, so not to make a lot of noise but she turned to smile at him. She had on a pair of yoga pants and an oversized crew neck, but she looked so good standing in a kitchen that was theirs Nolan was practically drooling on himself.

“It feels wonderful.” She said softly. She couldn’t remember a time she had been so happy. Sleepovers in Philly was fun and all, but this was real. Their first actual house together, and it had all been a dream come true. She got to wake up to him every morning, and go to sleep with him every night.

“At least something is going right.” Nolan said. When she turned and frowned he sighed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean-“

“It’s ok Nolan. I understand.” She was always so gracious in dealing with his bad moods, as she always had been. Nolan wasn’t really sure what he had done to deserve her, first as his friend and now as his girlfriend. He was going to marry her one day, because he wanted to spend the rest of his days and nights with her by his side. He stood and stretched. Today was a rare good day, he felt great but tired. They had done a lot of work, even painting some of the rooms and picking out furniture. They spent a lot time outside enjoying the peace and quiet of their large backyard, and having fires in the evening.

“I am having fun moving in though. We just have so many empty rooms.” He said with a smile, sliding off his stool, taking a step forward as she shut the dishwasher door and rounded the other side of the counter. She gave him a mischievous smile as she backed out of the kitchen slowly, him following behind.

“If your having fun now, imagine how much fun we’re gonna have filling up all these empty rooms with kids.”

He looked shocked at first, but then a smile spread across his face “Really?” He said taking a quick step forward as she let out a giggle “All these rooms?” She tried to run but he caught her with a squeal and whisked her towards their room, kicking the door shut behind them.

“Guess we should start practicing now.”

*******

First it was a cold, then a virus, and before anyone knew what was even happening it was killing thousands of people across the world. Hockey stopped abruptly, and life stood still as world leaders scrambled to make a decision about what to do next. Businesses were shut down, stores closed and all professional sports were shuddered in anticipation of a pandemic that would rage through the spring into summer, fall and winter. They spent most of quarantine under a blanket, watching movies venturing out only when necessary. On nice days they took walks or went skating. Nolan got back into a regular workout schedule, and Sawyer filled that time with housework, and chats with the girls. Libby and Joel were locked down in Syracuse, and Nash had gone home to Ontario with Travis to stay with him and his family. She missed them, but it was nice to catch up with them as much as they could. They talked with other teammates often, catching up and keeping tabs, and at one point someone created a group zoom so they could all discuss the goings on of their new lives in quarantine. There was a glimmer of hope now and again as to when the season would resume. When it finally did, and the bubble was created Nolan would not be participating.

“It’s probably for the best.” Sawyer told him, as they got ready for bed. The first game was the following night and Nolan had been sulking for days “If you got this virus Nols, it could affect you because of your migraines. A lot of people get these killer headaches. It’s not worth the risk.” She knew he was bummed about it, but he was with the boys in spirit at least. He just wasn’t ready yet.

He sighed and sat down rubbing his head “I know your right. It’s just hard. It’s been a year and a half. What if I’m not good anymore? What if this is it?”

“Nolan.” She said gently, coming to sit next to him “Your going to beat this. It just takes time.”

He nodded and accepted a kiss on the cheek as they settled into bed, snuggling deep into the blankets as their movie started to play. The guys had texted him telling him how much they wished he could be there to play with them.

They watched every game until the Flyers were eventually eliminated by the Islanders. They spent the rest of the summer and early fall in a continued lockdown until it came time to negotiate Nolan’s contract. It took time, but he accepted a one year prove it deal, and was cleared by his doctors to return to Philadelphia for the first time in almost 2 years. Sawyer cried happy tears when she saw the girls, Joel, Travis and everyone she had come to know and love in Philly. Though there wasn’t team gatherings or parties, it was nice to just be around them when she could. Camp was short, and no one truly felt ready, especially Nolan, but the smile on his face when he stepped on the ice for the first time was infectious. They got an apartment together in Philly, in the same building as Kevin.

They gathered to watch games together, sitting 6 feet apart in whoever’s house they decided to meet in. The season started out okay, but progressively got worse. It was rough for everyone, except Joel. He was having an amazing season, but the others were struggling. And then Covid swept the team, hitting Travis like a ton of bricks. His season changed after that, as he struggled to recover from the virus and get his game back. Nash grew more concerned about him as the broadcasts showed him gasping for air on the bench time after time. He did recover and was able to finish the year, but at a cost.

Fans started calling for trades, demanding that players be benched for underperforming. It was a constant struggle. It made Sawyer mad as hell to see the things people were saying about Nolan. She never told him what she read, and tried to shield him from it as much as she could but it became so overwhelming he saw some of it anyways.

The highlight of the season was when Joel took down Mark Friedman. It was a trade that ended on bad terms, and involved a lot of talk back and forth between teammates turned rivals. Flyers, Penguins games were always intense, but Joel brought the fans to their feet when he dropped the gloves. It wasn’t a year to be celebrated, but there was a few highlights. Oskar was confirmed to be Cancer free, Sam Morin scored his first goal after missing 2 years of hockey, Ryanne and Claude announced the arrival of a second baby boy, several Phantoms made their NHL debut, Nash and Travis moved in together, there was hat tricks, and wins, and moments to be proud of even amidst all the negativity surrounding the team. No one was certain how long the present team would be together, and they clung to each other making each moment last.

But the biggest highlight of 2021 came when the team had an outside, end of season get together, in Ryanne and Claude’s backyard. They had planned it once the weather was warm and the sun was shining down on them. They had a rough year but they fought and finished it together as a team. As a family. The girls were gathered in the middle of the yard talking and laughing, wine glasses in hand. The sun had just begun to go down, and the lights hung around the yard had come on. Everyone was feeling so good and at ease, the girls all with wine induced blushes spread across their cheeks. Nash had an arm around Sawyer’s middle as they giggled with Libby and Ryanne, the kids running around the backyard with sparklers and bubbles.

“Libby?” The girls turned, Libby included, to see Joel in the middle of the yard, down on one knee. The glass dropped from her hand as the girls and guys all immediately began screaming.

“Will you marry me?”

She sputtered for a few minutes before she exclaimed “YES!” And lept into Joel’s arms.

Happy tears flowed from their eyes as they moved in to congratulate the newly engaged couple, toasting them under a setting Philadelphia sun. Libby swiped at a few tears under her eyes, and let out a choked laugh as Joel put an arm around her shoulders and smiled to himself. They gushed over the shiny diamond on her finger, and the guys slapped Joel on the back giving him good natured shakes and congratulatory jabs.

“Let’s get this over with, but will you all be in my wedding?”

They started screaming again, crying and hugging and pulling out their phones to create a Pinterest board for ideas immediately.

“Your next Pat.” Kevin snickered giving him a punch. He met Sawyer’s eyes, blush across his cheeks and smiled.

“In due time Kev.”

She let out a breathless laugh and slugged her champagne. Nolan put an arm around her shoulders, and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“I’m serious you know. I am going to marry you someday.”

They left Philadelphia after post game interviews had ended and they packed up the apartment. They said goodbye to their friends and promised to keep in touch over the summer. Nolan was anxious to get back to Winnipeg, to their blue house and get a full off season and camp before his return. He was disappointed with his performance and himself. It took a few days of moping and hiding out but eventually he started to feel better, and spent time with his family and friends, and went back to the old Nolan. It filled Sawyer with such a deep satisfaction to see Nolan smiling and carefree under the stars in their backyard and with their friends around them. It had been so long since she had seen him smile a real Nolan smile.

“Pat!” Bo said slapping him on the back and pointing between them “I fucking knew it.”

“Shut up Bo.” Nolan grumbled giving him a shove, but he was smiling. Jessi threw an arm over her shoulders.

“I’m so happy for you guys. I always knew you were right for each other. I’m just glad you realized it too.”

Summer was in full swing when rumors began to swirl about trades. The season had been highly unsuccessful, and the only one who seemed to be safe was Joel. A lot of names had been thrown in the ring, with Nolan’s being at the very top.

“This is fucked up bro.” Travis said through the screen of Nolan’s phone. He looked stressed, hat over his unruly hair.

“I don’t man. Maybe a fresh start is what I need.”

“You can’t leave Pat.”

Sawyer blinked back tears, and clutched her chest from the other room. It wasn’t fair. He had been out for 2 years, what did people expect? He said it wasn’t something he wanted to worry about until he had to, and that he wanted to enjoy his off-season with her. Libby and Nash had both vehemently disagreed with the idea of Nolan being traded.

“They can’t do that!” Libby exclaimed, tears in her eyes. Joel had been stressing over it for days, telling Libby he couldn’t believe this was even a discussion. He had accomplished a return that no one even thought was possible after not playing for two years.

“This trade talk is bumming Trav out.” Nash said quietly, looking sad.

“Nolan said he doesn’t want to talk about it. But that maybe a fresh start is for the best.”

“What do you think?”

She shrugged “I don’t know. We can’t pretend like the season didn’t happen. But he deserves another chance.”

“Will you still be in my wedding?” Libby asked tearfully, bringing them all to tears as they sat on FaceTime crying together. Nolan tried to soothe her, telling her that whatever happened he was okay with, and that it wasn’t her burden to bear. He knew it would all work out.

On July 17, Nolan answered a call from his agent telling him he had been traded to the Nashville Predators, and then immediately flipped to Vegas. It was shocking to Sawyer. She had hoped they wouldn’t give up on him so soon, and it was sad. They had friends that had become family there, and now that was al being pulled away from them. Nolan had sat down in a chair, mouth slightly open as he hung up the phone. His eyes moved from the floor to hers slowly as he nodded and pursed his lips.

“I’ve been traded. To Vegas.”

For a moment the air left the room. She couldn’t tell whether he was upset or not, and very softly asked.

“So this is real?”

Nolan nodded. He had been so torn about his time in Philadelphia he was ready for a fresh start but it was also somewhere he had come to call home, with friends he had come to love and respect. It was the city who had given him his first chance.

“Are you sad?” She asked gently. She was leaned against the doorway of the kitchen, arms folded. Her expression was unreadable, but her eyes were soft.

“I’ll miss the guys, but I’m torn. I mean Philly has been home for us. Are you sad?” This trade wasn’t just a change for him. It was a change for them. They had been through a lot in their lives. Death, loss, separation, falling in love, a health scare. A trade should be easy, but Nolan was slightly nervous about where they went from here. What if she didn’t want to move to Las Vegas for half the year? What if the trade didn’t work out? Would she still be friends with Nash and Libby? Was this trade going to ruin her life? But she didn’t look upset. She was smiling softly at him now, and he was reminded of the first time she ever smiled at him that way.

“It will always be home. Travis is there, the girls are there, all your teammates and friends. It’s more than just a city you were drafted to. It’s where our story began. And your time there may be over, but our story isn’t.”

Nolan glanced up at her, breath catching in his throat. He stood and crossed the floor to where she was standing, hands coming to rest on her hips. He took a deep breath.

“So what do you think about coming to Vegas with me Sawyer Grey?”

She smiled up at him, wrapping her arms around his neck “I’d follow you anywhere Nolan Patrick.”