#also tumblr deleted this whole ass post right as I finished it last time

[coyotepup345]

Part 3, last part

(Just FYI, this is version 2.0. I don't think it's as funny as the first one I wrote, but I'm only accidentally funny, so this is as good as we get.)

Chapter 18

Things are looking up for Tenny! I'm so proud of my boy, he's grown so much as a character in such a short time. :,)

Chapter 19

Aww, what a great Coach. I wish coming out was so accepting for everybody.

I need to know more about Hideki. He just seems so down to earth and absolutely lovely, and he will call out everybody for being stupid. Good for him.

Chapter 20

This chapter is like a page and a half long, tops, and I highlighted two sections that made me laugh out loud. So that should tell you something, I think. lol.

Also, next chapter, Tenny should be finding out who Adam's dad is, MWAHAHAHA.

Chapter 21

Okay, I was wrong, it'll be next chapter

but hey, another kink on the checklist marked off. EYYYYYYY KANPAI

Chapter 22

Oh, yes, I adore Noemi, my favorite little chaotic gremlin. <3

(Also, when my brother was in school, he played sports, but hated attention. I could throw my voice across a football field if I wanted to so every game of every sport he played I would yell GET IT JIMJIM to embarrass him and the airport scene reminded me of that same evil sibling dynamic there.)

Hahaha, poor Tenny. He is going to take this out of Adam's ass haha (And Adam will love it)

Awww, the family loves him

Chapter 23

I had to look up what a turret room was. Shame, Kat, shame, you studied how many years of scenic design? (Is this how people feel when I mention the FROG in our house?)

Yeah, I love Adam's family. :)))

Chapter 24

Woohoo, the dream team is gonna play on the ice again!

WAIT. WAIT. Am I remembering correctly and the parents have a bet on who Adam comes out to first? Oh my gosh, yessss

A-YUP. Gosh, I love these two. They're exactly the parents that I want to be one day.

Aw, my heart is warm

Chapter 25

haha, "We will not have sex in your parent's house. They'll know what were doing." Five minutes later: "Alright, we are having sex in your parent's house, but they can never know."

"It's you." AWWW cute sleepy declaration of love. Adorbz

Chapter 26

OH NOOOO

Alright, this is fine. We're okay. Look, we're gonna skate and everything is fine.

Dream team kicking ass as expected.

See, we're all good.

Chapter 27

Awww, the idea of Adam walking Noemi down the aisle cuz they're just such good siblings just gets me every time. :,)

Yeah, Adam and Tenny are just so good for each other. So sweet, so lovely.

Chapter 28

Adam and Etienne having to tag team the pre-wedding jitters.

Also, SO READY to read Odd Man Rush. I love Noemi and Eli.

Aw, no, Adam, you gotta accept help from Tenny, and for the love of all that's good, talk to your doctor. :-(((

Chapter 29

I love that they're doing so well together. I mean, they have minimal chill, but it's very cute.

Of course, real life often sucks and being able to work through that is important too. Good stuff.

Chapter 30

I am also feeling stressed and dread over Adam. I'm right there with you, Tenny.

Very sad about Li, but here comes the DREAM TEAM. Shit's looking up y'all

Chapter 31

Hey, wait! I'm supposed to be cheering for Oregon; that's not fair!

On the other hand, KICK THEIR ASSES BOYS

All right, this is fine, this is going good.

no

oh no

OH NOOOO

WHAT THE FUCK

@greymichaela HOW DARE???

(Yes, I know that all your books have HEA endings. Yes, I have read this book before. It doesn't matter, it HURTS)

(Also, this poor medic is so over hockey players and I can't even blame her.)

Chapter 32

"He's all I have too." Oh, yeah, there's me crying.

Tenny, your Found Family is here for you, as well as for Adam. Will my tears stop?

Not yet, the tears don't stop yet, okay?

Chapter 33

:((((((((

:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

FUUUUCUKKKaSDsFNs

Yup, still crying.

Chapter 34

Okay, still upset, but we're trying to bring humor into this so it's a little better, yes? Yes.

Chapter 35

(This chapter is one of the comments I lost that I was so proud of and now can't remember how I worded it all. FML. We're gonna try.)

Alright, like obviously this sucks.

But the parallel of Tenny telling Adam all the ways he loves him regardless of his "defining trait" is just lovely. The two of them working this out and accepting that while they'll lose some things in their life and relationship, they can still be incredibly happy, especially together? Beautifully poignant scene.

Chapter 36 and 37

So I can't talk a lot about these chapters without hella spoilers. But suffice to say, hurt/comfort is good shit. And I love seeing how well Etienne knows Adam and how to make him feel better and get him out of his funk. <3 If I've learned one thing in life, ice skating fixes everything.

Chapter 38

Happy tears this time

oh FFS, @greymichaela ARE YOU MAKING ME EMOTIONAL OVER DOUGHNUTS???

god, how is a box of doughnuts better than an engagement ring box? (which was my first thought when he described a box on the table next to him)

precious, precious boys

Epilogue

There's our Happily Ever After <3

Blessings upon the writer, may she be very productive forever and always, may the perfect word always be available, and may she get many reviews. <3 <3 <3

Final Thoughts:

Still such a good book. I love these characters so much.

Adam and Etienne should get a pet together. I feel like Adam would like something snuggly and adorable like a chinchilla. Is this a realistic pet? No, not really haha.

Umm... do I have new song thoughts? Hmm.. nothing specific right now, but maybe "Little of your Love" by HAIM or "Feel With Me" by Mary Lambert and Hollis for overall book feel?

Still want some more stories about Rudy/Logan or Theo/Brewski. Falling in love with the backgrounds characters? Me? More likely than you think.

If anybody wants to ask me to elaborate on a comment, feel free to message me! I'm always down to ramble! Also, if you want me to do this sort of thing for other books, I am so down. This has actually been hella fun.

Stay tuned for Odd Man Rush next!

(no, I'm not going in publishing order, I'm sorry, forgive me, but my poly-, ace- story comes first.)

Hi, I'm hyperfixating, and instead of trying to break through to try new things, I'm going to embrace it. What this means is that I will be reading all of the hockey romance books by @greymichaela yet again, starting with Blindside Hit. I love these books, but I haven't actually reread Blindside Hit since it came out.

These posts will be tagged 'kat rereads ghr books' so you can blacklist if you want or need to. If anyone has preferences on if I publish in real time as I have thoughts or if I queue everything to publish basically all at once, feel free to tell me.

All right, let's go:

First off, here's the blurb, courtesy of goodreads.com:

Adam Caron has everything he could want. A brand-new contract with an NHL team, a nice apartment, the life he’s dreamed about since he was a little boy. He has everything, except the name of the man he shared a drunken, blistering hot night with. Etienne Brideau can’t stop thinking about the night he spent with Adam, but he knows better than to think Adam will want him sober. People don’t fall in love with gawky, rawboned, awkward Etienne, especially not men like Adam Caron, rising hockey star, with his stunning good looks and charismatic personality. When Adam gets back in contact with him, Etienne doesn't let himself hope that they'll ever be more than friends. But the more entangled he becomes in Adam's life, the more he can't imagine letting him go, and when an injury threatens Adam’s career, Etienne knows he’s in too deep to walk away. But Adam has secrets of his own, and more than just their life as a couple may be at stake.

Now, I constantly listen to music and connect songs to characters, books, etc. Based on nothing but my memory, here are some songs as I start off:

Ettiene: Better Days by Hedley

Adam: Comeback Kid by New Politics

(And for shits and giggles)Rudy and the rest of the Thunder: Unstoppable. by Chasing Deer

These might change. I might think of songs as I read. Who knows? (I sure don't.)

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S5 Ep 19: Yugi and the Only Neck Accessory He Didn’t Really Want to Wear

Been busy! Hopefully stuff will open up soon as I’m taking a hiatus on a different quarantine project and will be finishing painting the entire roof of my car this week? One can hope. Sanding the rust off the whole top of a car takes a long time it turns out?

Also, fun Yugioh fact, I recently painted a book cover for an author who is older so she’s never seen the show, and she looked at my tumblr, saw my Duke Devlin fanart and was like “That’s him. That’s my main character. OMG. You captured him perfectly!” and I was like “Ma’am that is Duke Devlin, hence the single dice earring on his lobes there, but we can work with this.” and now a spiritual Duke Devlin is on the cover of a Wuxia-style fantasy trilogy on the Vella. Had to give him a top knot and delete the eyeliner for Wuxia reasons but uh, that’s just Duke.

So long story short, fanart can get you work, don’t even worry about posting that stuff online because most people don’t even know it’s fanart anyway and older ladies freakin love it.

Back in Yugioh, the team was doing their best to navigate a map through the woods and they do about as well as they normally do.

And inside Tristan lifted up the floorboards and was like “I found the only way out, this is it, this is the only way.”

And they ended up in something that has a color scheme I would actually associate with a jungle. Finally. We have finally left California (in order to go to another Hell.)

Youknow, when we went to California, we visited Hell, and when we went to India, we also took a stop at the nearest death destination. There’s just so much death on this show and sometimes I forget because there’s been a ghost in our party for so freakin long it’s been normalized.

(read more death imagery under the cut)

Joey freaks out at a flock of crows and reveals in this episode something I never realized about him before.

Like I’m not always the perfect observer as I’m sure you’ve noticed, but I love that this is canon for probably only this episode, but I will never forget it for the entirety of this series.

You go on hating birds, Joey.

Bro was like “Maybe it’s a deep cut about Mai Valentine because she’s a harpy lady” but eh...pretty sure we spent like an entire season of Joey telling us that Mai was a good experience? Would be incredibly funny if immediately after all of S4, Joey was like “You know what? Screw Mai, guys.”

So my thoughts...it’s probably just a literal bird experience. Like I had a friend who hated deer because once she went to a petting zoo, got some pellets to feed the deer, but her finger was sticking up, so when the deer came over to nibble on some pellets her finger went up it’s nose by accident. She was so disgusted by this event that was entirely her fault, that she brought up how much she hated deer basically whenever we saw one.

So like...maybe Joey fed a bird wrong at a petting zoo. I can see him getting bit by a parrot because he was too Joey Wheeler.

But now that we’re in a graveyard neighborhood, Pharaoh decides to hop out because there’s a lot of ghosts here and he needs to practice socializing with his peers.

So that’s just a Yugioh monster doing the ostrich dance, right? Like this is a meme from like 2010 but on Yugioh in 2003(4?)

Good to see the Ostrich dance here in the land before Vine.

So they pull out their Pokemon to do some antics, Tea looked like she was about to do something useful, and Yami does a yump across time and space to get her as far away from playing (not)cards as quickly as possible and y’all...sure was a position these animators animated.

Holy crap.

And I was going off about that scene last season where they woke up in the same bed like...

...have these two been together this entire time? Like together together?

They’re like...way more comfortable than you’d figure they’d be considering Yugi nearly passes out every time he gets a hug. But Yami just like....How long has this been going on? As long as Joey’s fear of birds?

Like obviously this show would never cover what the hell Yugi may be thinking about this overreaching move here, because we’re gonna gloss right over that, and just run away up a flight of stairs. No one mentions this ever again. Which is mind blowing for an anime to do. I think in most anime I watch, the kids would be like “ahh ahhhh I bumped into a booooob!” like it does for I want to say every other episode of My Hero Academia. But in Yugioh, they saw that low hanging fruit and they were like “we expect a higher level of maturity out of our audience. Now here’s a fleet of ostrich dancing tree monsters with faces for crotches.”

They decided to sprint up this flight of stairs, and it enough of a slope to deter the monsters who are only unbalanced weird legs.

I want us to take a moment and admire this background painting. I can’t unsee the rocks that are all the same size, just piled on top of eachother. Did Alexander the Great just plop rocks here--or was the mountain made up of tons of similarly shaped boulders?

Like there’s a lot of nice bg’s in this arc, don’t get me wrong, but this one...I’m just trying to wrap my head around the logic of it.

At the top, they meet a pantheon, that is immediately blocked by this wall, because if this arc had a tagline, it’s “Yugi gets inconvenienced every 4 seconds.”

Bro was like “Clearly they would have pushed it over if Tea wasn’t slacking off” and like...she is actually. Look at her. Only used one hand? Slacker.

Joey was disappointed he couldn’t push over a massive wall, and the team decided not to analyze how much Joey Wheeler thinks of his own strength and instead fixate on these statues.

Usually in anthro characters they kinda look birdlike but act human. But what about an anthro that’s just a bird? Like human torso, but can turn his head 180 degrees? Yugioh made me ask this question.

And then Joey was like “wait, there may be a solution that isn’t just to use brute strength!”

Youknow it is a bummer that Kaiba couldn’t witness Joey own a dragon while he himself only has a robot jet dragon. Although, the jet is probably faster, stronger and overall...better than this baby dragon. It would have been great for Kaiba to witness Joey under-utilize this dragon and forget he has it for like huge swatches of the episode.

And then Grandpa pulled some body horror out of nowhere.

Wow.

I mean that is really gross.

I guess Grandpa can’t use Blue eyes, because Kaiba ripped it up, Grandpa can’t use Exodia because Weevil tossed it off a boat, and grandpa can’t use the card that’s just a building because...it’s a building.

So instead Grandpa has a bunch of meat and bones that look like something out of Doom. It’s probably from a more obscure Konami property, but I forget which.

I’ve seen Tristan hold back Joey in this hold, first time it’s been Tea.

So much shipping in this episode, it’s wild.

It’s also wild how low my standards are for what could possibly be shipping when it comes to Yugioh because of how freakin tepid all of these characters are, which as I’ve brought up before, I really don’t mind.

So Yugi decides that because Grandpa was folding his arms like one monster and it made a gem light up or something, to just do the video game thing and use the giant ass statues as clues.

Why was this arc not a video game? Like parts of it really feel like it was meant to be.

So Yugi falls down a hole, where the walls cave in like it’s that dumpster in Star Wars but like...it barely phases him.

Also...Yugi might be able to see in the dark. It’s never been brought up but like...the more I think about it...has Yugi ever struggled to see without the lights on?

After Joey disappoints everyone, he confronts death.

And Pharaoh and Yugi decide to solve the puzzle of “how do I get out of this trap dungeon room” which, honestly, is probably what they’re doing every time they hang out in the brain pyramid.

So they summon their mascot monster, and surprisingly the show decided its ability to fly cannot help them out here.

Kuriboh manages to become enough of a doormat to push Yami up to the stone and they end up in a set of weird cuts that ended in this?

Like seriously it was like flashes of light and then they were just...up here like this.

Hey like...

Alexander the Great, my man...

Were you planning to put that stone in the middle of a exhaust vent hoping someone would touch it? Because there’s no way anyone would rationally have done that. You would need to fly to do it. This is the world’s worst DM.

Like Yugioh pulls a lot of fantasy nonsense but this arc is a lot more like a “it’s a kid’s show, just go with it.” arc than most of them. It’s not a bad vibe, necessarily, it’s just not the vibe I’m used to.

So once I witnessed maybe the most boring conversation I’ve ever witnessed about corn (this was on a twitch stream, by the way, a guy was playing an interesting game, and then a guest came on and started talking about corn and plants for 2 hours) and they would not shut up about how all taxonomy is wrong because there are no such thing as trees and how all animals are labelled incorrectly, and then they started comparing it to like all sorts of mushrooms and phytoplankton as you would if you clearly got a little bit high before dumping your corn knowledge on a twitch stream.

Anyway, after that bizarre experience I suffered so I could learn how to play an obscure video game, I think I can safely say, that while I know everyone here thinks a bird can’t be a dog. If you’re a high biologist: a bird is absolutely a dog. Apparently you can just do that if you’re the most boring biologist alive and no one will argue with you because to do that would involve talking to you. We’ll just say a bird is a dog and no one can fight me or I will talk about the corn book that this guest on this twitch chat was thinking about renting from the library about the different types of corn mutations inherent in freakin Indiana. Therefore, Joey’s fear of birds and dogs is same.

So they use Dark Magician to save them from the statues, and Yugi busts into the pantheon again because they got to open this casket before a time limit that I kind of forgot about, tbh.

And inside the casket, is...this thing!

(enjoy this line on the bottom of the image I don’t feel like fixing it)

And you may say to yourself...it looks like it’s just floating in mid-air, that’s silly, and so I want to introduce you to the next panel where you can see that it is...quite literally...just floating in the air like a video game.

and it just slurps itself onto Yugi before he can be like “nonono.”

Wasn’t there some horror movie where you were stuck in some sort of body brace that slowly tortures you (was that Saw?) This has that vibes. Like man that looks uncomfortable to wear over a jacket and two belts and a collar that is another belt.

That and I...I gotta appreciate that Yugi popped his collar while wearing body armor and chunky necklace. What 00′s fashion appreciation right there.

Bit like...this isn’t breathable, right? Like Yugi’s gonna finally take this thing off and his jacket will just be completely soaked in sweat?

Anyway, that’s it for this post, next week we’ll see if Yugi can walk through a doorway in that thing.

Also, I can’t bring up the ostrich dance without sharing the vines of my generation

[chuckbass-love]

Yay! Same tbh I have loads of smuts ready to write 😂

Okay so my request is: either Steve or Chris (which ever one you feel more comfortable writing for) and Y/n are meeting their friends for the day to just have a day out or something. And whilst their getting ready y/n decides to tease Chris or Steve by putting in his favourite lingerie that he loves seeing her in. And just as Chris or Steve is about to pounce on her there’s a knock on the door and it’s their friends. Y/n keeps teasing him the entire night without fail and once they are in their car on their way home He just can’t keep his hands off of her anymore and ends up fingering her whilst he’s driving but he doesn’t let her cum 🥵

Hi love. I’m so happy about this request and so excited. I tried to write this a couple times, ended up deleting lots of parts before the ideas finally started flowing. So here it is.

Also, i’ve had so much fun getting to know you lately and i’m glad we started talking!

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: Whole lotta filth/smut, language, fingering, oral (male receiving), hair pulling, degradation, orgasm denial, fluff, whole lotta romance. 18+

Word Count: 3,870

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit goes to @luvinchris go check them out 💜

Punishments & Surprises 

Chris wonders into your shared bedroom, leaning against the doorway of your closet as he watches you get ready. You bend over to put some fresh panties on, the laced blue ones. His favourite. As you step into them, your pussy and ass on full view to him, he feels a situation develop in his jeans. Not the best time to get a hard cock,

The two of you are on your way out to meet some friends for food. And yet here he is, contemplating on cancelling just so he can fuck that beautiful pussy of yours. The thought of making you cum multiple times is too much for him. He tugs at his bottom lip as he comes out of his daze. Only to be met with the sight of you. In the bra that matches those panties.

God. You’re fucking perfect to him. Everything about you.

“You gonna talk at some point or just continue to drool?” you mock, noticing how his mouth is hanging open.

He closes it. His eyes ogle your half naked body, lust and hunger fill them.

“Please baby” Chris begging is always so amusing to you. Because it rarely happens, it makes it that much sweeter to tease him.

“Whatever you’re thinking, don’t. We have to be somewhere in 20 minutes Chris” you finish getting ready, slipping the skirt on and pairing it with the matching top and some heels.

He’s still staring you down. You walk past him but he grabs a hold of your hand, pulling you flush against him.

“Please, Y/N” you tut “what is it that you want baby? Want to bend me over the bed, slide that hard cock into my wet pussy. Fuck me stupid until i’m begging you to stop” you palm him over his slacks, winding him up even more.

He gulps at your words “yes, that’s exactly what i want” you giggle “too bad. We have plans with our friends” his breathing picks up even more as he rests his hands on your perfect ass.

“God you’re just pining for it aren’t you” you kneel down so your face is level with his crotch. You stick your tongue out and glide it across where his bulge is.

“So big” you giggle as you strut away from him. Leaving him standing there. All hot and bothered and rock hard.

You slip your coat on, handing him his as he meets you by the front door.

Just as he’s about to make a second attempt, there’s a knock.

You smirk at him, opening the door to reveal your friends.

“You guys ready?” you nod, stepping out of the house. Chris locks up before unlocking his car for you. You both get in and follow them to the restaurant.

“Such a tease” he spits, gripping the steering wheel tight.

“Chris we have plans, i can’t just drop them because you want to fuck”

“Starting to think you do this shit on purpose”

“Maybe i do. Maybe i love watching your cock get hard when you watch me bend over, shoving my ass and pussy in your face. Maybe i love flaunting myself in front of you”

“Fuck Y/N” he adjusts himself again, you’re definitely getting to him.

----------------

The night is going well. Drinks are flowing much like the conversation.

The topic then turns to you and Chris. How you got together. It was all thanks to his brother Scott. He set the two of you up. He noticed how both of you were clearly moping around, both single and clearly ready to date.

All it took was ten minutes. Ten minutes for you to know that he was the one.

Which doesn’t seem like a lot when you think about it but it was more than enough for you. You don’t care though. You liked him and he liked you. A match made in heaven.

Everyone praises Scott constantly for his match making skills. How he got it spot on.

Even his family does.

Lisa loves you, she classes you as a daughter and Shanna and Carly, even Scott calls you their sister.

You genuinely feel welcome and part of the family, which of course you are. Just not officially. Not yet anyways.

You then get talking about Dodger and the funny things he does.

Like last week when he pretty much tackled Chris to the ground when he was walking through the door with shopping bags. And when he walked in on you two kissing. He sat in the middle of you on the couch, looking back and forth until you were forced to stop due to laughing.

During dinner, you start to palm him. He coughs to cover up the soft moan that almost slipped out, in front of his friends.

You know it’s wrong but you just can’t stop and despite the looming threat of a punishment when you get home, nothing can stop you right now. Not even Chris.

He tugs at his bottom lip, trying to distract himself with eating and talking but that’s when you take his hand under the table, leading it to rest on your soaked clothed pussy. He gets a feel of how dripping you are for him. And when you get up to go to the bathroom, you whisper in his ear.

“See how wet you make me daddy”

He’s tried to tease you back plenty of times but you don’t allow it. He’s just gonna have to wait until he gets you alone.

You return, just in time to pay the bill. You take the spoon from the desert you just demolished. Licking every last bit of chocolate off of it, working your tongue around it. You turn to Chris to see him staring. Once you finish. You arrange how you’re all going to pay before exiting the restaurant.

“We have to do this more often for sure” Julie says, giving you a hug goodbye before hugging Chris.

“Definitely. It was so nice to catch up” he says, waving goodbye to the couple and unlocking his car.

You put your seatbelt on, as does he. Complete silence falls upon you. It’s not awkward, just tense.

“God that food was incredible” you groan, yawning shortly after. Still not a word from him. He chuckles, shaking his head as he starts the car, pulling out of the parking lot.

He gradually speeds up, causing you to gasp.

But still. Nothing from him.

“You think that’s fucking funny do you?”

You just widen your eyes, looking at him.

“What d-”

“Answer me” he snaps with a smack to your thigh, causing you to jolt.

“It was just a bit of fun Chris calm down”

“Just a bit of fun huh? How’s this for some fun then?”

He reaches his hand over, sliding your skirt up just enough so he can reach his hand into your wet panties.

“Spread them”

You waste no time in following his demands. He starts running his fingers through your folds and rubbing at your aching clit. You need him so badly.

But he isn’t going to give in easily. No, you’re gonna need to earn it. Earn the right to get fucked. And Chris never backs down in these situations, it’s rare if he does.

“Does it feel good huh?” you hum in response, gripping onto his forearm. It feels so good, the pressure. The way he can have you crumbling just from the smallest of touches is insane to you. But it’s always been this way.

“Please” your grip tightens, nails digging into his skin as you grind into his fingers. You just need a little more. You need his fingers inside of you, pushing against your spot and forcing an orgasm from you.

But it’s not gonna come true just yet.

“Please what?” 

“I need your fingers in me, please Chris” that’s your first mistake. You know full well in these situations that he doesn’t like to be called by his name. He insists on ‘daddy’ and yet you’ve just broken the most important rule. You’re definitely in for it now.

No chance of getting your way.

“What did you just fucking call me?” he slams two of his thick digits inside of you, no warning before pulling them out and smacking your thigh. 

“I asked you a question. Don’t test my patience baby” you moan at how low his voice has gotten “i didn’t mean it. I’m sorry daddy” he chuckles.

His fingers slowly slide back in and he wastes no time in dragging them in and out nicely “we’ll be home soon and i don’t want you to cum before then. If you do, you won’t like the consequences. You got it?” you nod, biting your lip and mumbling a nervous “yes” to satisfy him.

He continues to fuck into you, adding a third finger to the mix. You should be used to orgasm denial by now. You tend to break the rules a lot, leaving it up to Chris to teach you how to behave like a good girl. 

You gotta say though, you like it. The thrill of not knowing how well you’re going to hold it each time. Sometimes you can hold back, it’s a struggle and it’s certainly not easy but this time however, was not one of those times.

No this time, he’s not letting up. His speed is staying the same and he’s using his thumb to rub at your throbbing bundle of nerves. Making it almost impossible for you to not fall over. He knows what he’s doing. He wants you to cum, he’s doing this on purpose. He wants to punish you further.

Maybe the consequences won’t be so bad. You decide to test him

You let go, refusing the hold it any longer. Letting your body just take it.

“Mhmm fuck. Daddy” your walls clamp down around his digits and he pulls out.

“Thought you could pull a fast one did you? Thought i wouldn’t feel you getting close? Such a dumb little baby” your eyes widen as you watch his hand cup your sex before raising it to smack down.

You whine at his actions, begging for him to stop but he doesn’t “you just don’t learn do you?” you start pouting at him. Watching as he grips the steering wheel with both hands after 3 smacks.

The plan back fired.

“I’m sorry daddy” he’s not taking any of it. No amount of apologies or whines will make this better now. You just might be worse off now than you were before.

All of a sudden he pulls over. Some random side road.

“Take those fucking panties off now” you undo your seatbelt following his orders without any fuss before you turn to look at him, lips pouty and eyes all wide. Awaiting his next instructions.

His fingers fiddle with his belt.

“You’ve done nothing but tease me all dam day, bending that pretty little ass over in my face and exposing your cunt to me” he starts, unbuckling his belt and undoing the button on his jeans.

“Then we go out for some lovely food with our friends and you continue. Licking your spoon clean, rubbing my legs and placing my hand over your soaked panties” he slides the zipper down, moving so he can pull his jeans and boxers down. His rock hard cock springs free, the tip is red and angry as pre cum leaks out of it. Making your mouth water with need.

You gulp just looking.

“And that brings us to now, disobeying daddy’s rules. Trying to cum when i specifically told you that you couldn’t” he starts pumping himself before gathering the pre cum on his finger and bringing it to your mouth.

“Open” you feel the salty-sweet taste on your eager tongue as he stuffs his index finger in your mouth quickly.

“And now, you’re going to suck my fucking cock until i cum in that dirty mouth, put it to good use” you nod, moving forward and taking it in your small hands. You waste no time in taking all of him.

Moving down until he bottoms out. Your nose touches the hair that decorates his size.

He groans at the feel of your warm mouth around him. The feel of your tongue licking his shaft each time you come up for air.

Chris knows you’re a good girl most of the time. But sometimes you like to run your mouth and land yourself in hot water. He can’t say he doesn’t enjoy you doing so, it means he gets to be extra rough with you and he knows you enjoy it just as much. Why else would you go to the effort of teasing him all day? You’re dying to be punished and fucked hard. Treated like the whore that you are. But only for him.

He starts bucking his hips up into your mouth, causing you to gag, a sound he loves to hear. It’s like music to his ears.

“Is my cock too much for you baby?” you pull off with a pop “no daddy” he forces himself back inside of your mouth, you gag once again.

“Something tells me that you’re lying. You can’t handle daddy’s cock pretty girl?” you pull off again.

“No daddy, i can handle it” he chuckles at the way you’re so responsive to him.

Now it’s clear he has other plans for you.

“Come here, sit on my cock” just what you’ve been waiting for.

You move over, he lines himself up and you sink down. But before you can even think about bouncing, he holds you still.

“You’re gonna stay still, sitting with my cock buried deep inside you, keeping it warm. I want you to think about how you’ve acted tonight first before you ride me”

You gulp again. This is the last thing you expected him to do.

“I’m sorry daddy. Please” he tuts “not everything will magically go away with a quick apology princess. I want you to really be sorry. And there’s only one way you’re going to learn” your breathing becomes heavier.

You don’t even need to ask, he knows you want to know.

And just like that, he tugs your head backwards. His mouth attacks your clothed nipples. His hips move and you feel his cock twitch.

He takes your shirt, tearing it in two with no issues. Leaving your chest exposed. Now you really feel like a whore.

Pulled over on a side road, where anyone could drive by. If they do, they’d have quite the sight. You sat on his cock, tits out as he sucks on them.

“F-fuck daddy” your whines are getting louder and louder. He doesn’t listen though, just continues to leave marks all over your chest and neck. He won’t let up until you’re covered.

“Okay, you ready princess? Think you’ve earnt the right to be fucked?” you nod “yes daddy, please fuck me” 

You don’t have to tell him twice.

His hands splay across your ass cheeks, gripping at them and digging his nails in as he lifts you up, making room for him to fuck you.

His thrusts pick up instantly. The look in his eyes is rendering on animalistic. Lust filled.

This is the side of Chris that you absolutely adore. He can make you do pretty much anything when he gets like this. Hungry and annoyed at your actions. It’s a dangerous mix but one that’s as sweet as sugar.

“Always so tight and warm wrapped around me” he grunts, your forehead rests against his, your hands hold onto his shoulders for support.

“Shit, you feel so good” you throw your head back, arching your back. He takes the opportunity to bury his face in the valley of your breasts. Kissing you, open mouthed.

“God. I feel that pretty cunt clenching me like that. Don’t you dare fucking cum baby. You have to wait” 

But you can’t wait, you need that release. It’s been building up and his punishments haven’t helped.

“Please. D-daddy. I need to cum” he shakes his head.

You’ve never begged him so much.

“You want it? Huh? Fucking beg, properly this time”

He drags his cock in and out, aggressively. Not letting up. Hitting your cervix again and again. Your mouth falls open, incomprehensible murmurs leave and he’s not much better. His eyes scrunch closed before he opens them to watch you.

“Fuck baby” 

“Please, i want to cum. I need to cum. Please daddy, I’ll be a good girl” as much as he wants to continue this torture, he needs it too. 

He craves the mess of your cum all over his cock. The way you clamp down on him as you do so, spurring on his own release.

The way you moan at the feel of him spilling inside of you.

“You ready to cum with me sweetheart?” 

“Yes” 

He slams in slow and hard. You clench. He twitches.

“OH SHIT” you scream, falling over the edge as your orgasm consumes you. The way your crying out brings his release on,

You feel his hot seed coat your walls, painting them and filling you up perfectly. You continue to lift off and sink back down. Allowing yourselves to ride the highs out together.

He brings your face to his level. His lips attack yours in a hungry and bruising kiss. Filled with passion and love.

He swipes his tongue across your bottom lip, nipping at it slightly. You open up, allowing him to explore your mouth, dominating your tongue at the same time. You love it.

“Every time we do that, it gets better” you both laugh and you can’t help but agree with him. Sex has always been adventurous, wild and yet completely tame and romantic with you two. You never know which type you’re gonna get some nights, but that’s what makes it so fun.

“I love you so much Y/N, so much” he pants as he rests his forehead to yours.

“I know, i love you too Chris”

“No, you don’t understand”

You furrow your brows in confusion, motioning for him to continue.

“My life has been a million times better since you came into it. You make me a much better man, a better boyfriend. Just by being with me. I love you with every ounce of my being. With every cracked piece of my heart. With every kiss that you give me, every touch, every smile, every laugh. I fall more and more and i can’t spend another moment on this earth without telling you this. You need to hear it. You’re the only woman for me, the only woman i ever want to wake up next to, the only woman i want to make love to, the only woman. It’s like we fit together so perfectly, almost like we were made and brought into this world, destined to meet and be together. Like this was the plan all along”

Your heart starts to race, tears brim in your eyes. Where has all this come from? You can’t help but wonder. He wears his heart on his sleeve with you and he always has done but you’ve never seen him like this.

His shaky hands cup your face, kissing you before he continues.

He leans over to the passenger side, opening the glove compartment and taking out a small box.

Okay, now you’re freaking out.

“Chris”

He puts a finger over your lips, shushing you so he can talk.

“I know that we’ve been with other people before each other but it feels like that was just just part of the plan. We weren’t ready to be together just yet. We had to experience life first. Experience true heartbreak before we could finally be happy together. And now we are. I want you to know that for as long as you allow me to, i will make you the happiest woman on earth. I won’t ever make you feel neglected. You’ll never have to question if you’re worthy or beautiful because i’ll be right here to remind you that you are more than worthy and that beauty knows no bounds when it comes to you. That you are quite literally the most stunning woman. You will never spend a night crying alone, i’ll be here to hold your hand and comfort you during any difficult time”

“Chris, what’s all this?”

He wipes the tears away from his face and yours.

“I know i’m supposed to get down on one knee and i wasn’t planning on doing this until next week on date night” he starts chuckling at himself “but, this moment feels far too perfect to not take the chance”

“I love you Y/F/N will you do me the great honour of becoming my wife and Dodgers official mommy?” you giggle at that last part. He opens the box to reveal the most gorgeous ring that you’ve ever seen. Your eyes meet his, both filled with tears of joy and happiness.

“Yes”

“Really?” he looks surprised.

“Yes. You huge dork. A thousand times yes. I’ll marry you” he pulls you down to kiss him before sliding the ring onto your fingers. It fits perfectly, just like he thought it would and it looks so good on you. So right.

“I guess we should probably get dressed now huh?” you slap his chest playfully, nodding in agreement as you move to your seat. You adjust your clothes and he does the same. Once you’re dressed, he gets a jacket from the back seat, handing it to you to cover your modesty with. He can’t have the neighbours seeing his fiancés tits now can he?

It doesn’t take long to get home. His hand rests on your thigh.

Once he parks up he leads you into the house where Dodger runs up to the two of you and you flash your hand to him. He might just be a dog but from the way he’s jumping up the two of you and barking, he knows.

“That’s right Dodge, daddy finally did it. It only took 4 years” you say sarcastically, spying the way Chris rolls his eyes.

“Hey, i was picking the right moment”

“And fucking me senseless in your car on the side of the road, was the right moment?” he pulls you flush against him.

“Do i have to punish you again, future Mrs Evans?” you love the sound of that.

“Maybe you do Mr Evans”

“Get in that bedroom now” he spanks your ass and you run.

By the time he gets there, you’re sprawled out on your shared bed. Pussy exposed, nipples hard. Just how he likes you to be.

“Now. If you’re going to be my wife i suggest you stop with the attitude or you should probably get used to daily punishments”

He smirks, joining you on the bed.

You feel like the luckiest woman in the world. A woman who is very much looking forward to a lifetime of punishments from her husband. A lifetime of nasty and romantic sex. Starting with tonight. The first night of being engaged to Christopher Robert Evans.

----------------

General Tag List: @deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @princess-evans-addict @chris-butt @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @haus-of-bitch-talk @buckstaybucky @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @adriannajackson @dummiesshort @cevans-fics @americasass91 

Just Chris & His Characters Tag List: @onetwo3000 @persephonequeenofthedead @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @rynabarnesrogers @princess-evans-addict @stxvercgersslut @chris-evanslover @bval-1 

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

[staylavendertea]

music, ya know

this is a complete impulse of lying in bed middle of the night thoughts that i don’t even know if anyone’s gonna see that have been stemmed off the experiences of the past couple days, topic of 1:41 am mind boggle:

music and it’s aesthetic and importance in literal every sense cause it’s just that important to me

first experience of realizing this, i’ve always loved film scores and listening to music and the orchestral pieces from movies and shows, but it really seemed to hit me recently, like the fact that this week’s new LOKI episode, no spoilers, has the most badass score and a badass scene with such a perfect mix and musical atmosphere. i literally had one of my best friends over, who has a very small interest in comics, cinema, marvel in general, especially a show about a norse comic god that they know nothing about, and whilst they sat there for my own regard, watching the show like a normal human being would, i sat there clinching their hand, watching in awe as our music is louder than actors talking tv speakers spurted out the most spine tightening world building story and just wandered “jesus that was good” and whilst i will always think about the superior acting, cgi, the amount of different people that just went into those few scenes and like what was physical set and what was computer image and what the hell did i just watch that has my brain running olympic marathon circles right now?

the thought that said brain kept going back to was that fucking score. it was literally tearing apart of every corner of my head and why was it doing that?

second experience, another marvel one, but i digress. black widow (no spoilers i promise), thursday night, movie theater for the first time in i can’t even remember how long now and we set through so many previews just for fucking boss baby to start playing and the reaction of the theater to make me burst out laughing.

however whatever works in that little projection box, gets fixed and the movie is pushed to just a little before it starts, a nice small pepsi ad, the regal rollercoaster intro (if you go to regal movie theaters ya know what i’m talking about), and then i hear it - the marvel studios logo - something so musically engraved into my head that my ass that can’t sing for anything, can harmonize with the sound and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up around movie theater surround sound. but i can’t think of that now, i’m here to watch black widow, a movie on hiatus with the rest of the world for so long now, a character i didn’t know much about it or truly, didn’t have the most connection with in the first place. yet through that one movie, i seemed to build one of those.

ofc though scarlett johansson’s beautiful acting and world building, but it isn’t until the end of the movie that i even realize why. it was the fucking score again. when i think about it, the beginning of the movie felt like all of black widows scenes in the avengers movies for me, kinda just, there. not really emotionally tugging, not bad ofc either, but just, there. in the present, watching something cool in motion. but then it hits, what i can only describe as a theme that somehow tells the entire black widow movie in one singular composition. something so badass, story telling, but also just singularly black widow-esk. i can tell you that i walked out the movie theater rambling about the composition and looking up composers.

third experience, the most recent as it was literally like 20 minutes ago and sprung one train rail of a thought process that immediately tugged me into typing this brain vomit into a tumblr post. i have playlists. for everything. and when i say everything, i fucking mean everything. i’m a writer and a reader, i have playlists mostly for the young avengers, my most utter comfort characters, and their stories i’m writing. i also have playlists/genre/specific song for about every book i read.

when i read red white and royal blue when that came out, i noticed i listened to one of the drunks by panic at the disco the entirety of the ending of the book and the words and music fit together like puzzle pieces, not only did it make the reading experience better, but i was so fucking emerged in my over hyper-imagitive brain that when i finally actually finished the book, i still never left. rewind present day to the beginning of this past june, one last stop comes out, ofc i get it the day it comes out with my anticipation building like wildfire. i start reading that night and i put on my recents on my liked songs playlist (true to true spotify user) and i slowly over the next day as i read and finish the book, windle down to the genre, then the band, to the album, to the exact song that feels like the carbon copy of the words i’m reading. that song was only ones who know by the arctic monkeys. now go back to this past week, anyone who reads the carry on series knows, anyway the wind blows came out this past tuesday. i waited till wednesday to buy the ✨pretty special addition barnes and nobles copy✨ so that the dear friend that indulged me by watching loki that same day could buy it at the same time and make a cute book date or whateva. i started reading that night and something just felt ,,, off. i didn’t know what it was, but i was living off the pure joy that simon and co give me so i ignored the feeling. until i realized why it felt off this morning. i wasn’t listening to any fucking music, literally nothing, not even queen. motherfucking. queen.

i looked for the snowbaz playlist i made when i read carry on for the first time back in 2016/2017 when i was still a freshman in high school just to remember i deleted that literally forever ago. so i made a new one. like an hour and a half ago. very inspired on how i made the playlists for the young avengers and all their stories. letting the music talk.

the fact that all these rambling thoughts have led to this conclusion makes my head hurt, but for me at least in my own experiences. music talks. a two way conversation. a radio broadcast, turning the peg until you match the same frequency thats being put out and you can hear it and understand it. it’s like when you see comedians on stages or actors on panels, they talk, you have reactions, you talk back, and so forth the loop continues until the last voice, last note, rings out. music and songs and orchestral pieces and bands and composers and lyric writers are telling you the stories in reverse. they don’t know their doing it, obviously they meant something entirely different in their creations, but it’s like literature and any work of words and storytelling. interpretation. to me, the notes, pianos, violins, guitars, drums, singers, cellos, and anything that can make sound you can think of, is telling you something. whispering in your ear as you watch or read. facial features, emotions the characters dont say out loud, outfits, they way their standing or talking or moving or interacting with anything and everything.

when i just made that carry on playlist, i played it, decided to try read some good almost 2 am fan fic as you do, my hanging on by a thread sleep brain telling me words aren’t recognizable right now, and tighten myself into a blanket to see if i can sleep at all. the playlist still plays and my never shuts up head thinks it’s own daydreams, stresses out about anything it can, that is until the song plays. the one that just speaks the carry on trilogy language. the one that i found whilst i was reading wayward son and then would play whenever i re read carry on. the one that started this whole way too long ass post in the first place. cant be alone tonight by atlas. i heard just the first sound and i saw them, as if i were in the same room, like i never even put the book down in the first damn place because i’m actually terrified of finishing it. i could see simon in his oversized hoodies, baz in an outfit that was way too good just to be sitting inside, agatha looking as pleasantly pretty as ever, penelope poking fun at shepherd, and shepherd poking fun right back; bickering, laughing, saying the dialogues i try to remember so i can write them later, existing.

in a way music doesn’t just talk, but it lives. it lives and breaths. a three way conversation you could say. characters, stories, plot, and settings talk to the music, then the music delivers us listeners the message, so that we can send one back. this literally took me over an hour to write and i should point the important note that i do have synesthesia where colors and sounds and colors and words do the association so this entire thing might be me being entirely biased, but alas, i love sound so much and if there is anyone else that feels the same ways as i do as just a simple good film score and song makes anything ten times better, feel free to talk, i will totally be awkward, but i need some music freaks like myself around so feel free to hit me up, also if you love movies and cinema also feel free to hit me up as i need movie buddies and now it’s 3 am and i will be going to bed - peace out 🛸

[ilkkawhat]

Any tips for first time writers? Specifically any tips and tricks for writing CSI stories and the Nick/Greg ship? Trying to stay in character and make the story interesting like a show episode instead of a boring text procedural is hard.

lmao as someone who is forever insecure about my own writing when it comes to keeping the characters in character, I think something to keep in mind is that you may view a character differently than someone else--and sometimes those views align with others, and most of the time it's better than what's presented in canon, and it can be really difficult to get confident about that, but I think that creating anything, even if it's not just writing--drawing, giffing, photo edits, etc, you do know and love that character enough to bring them to life under your hands and it's something that's just so like, poetic about keeping these characters alive, even if the show offed them or the show is cancelled, in these works (honestly the song "poet" by bastille says this best imo) and you may end up discovering parts of yourself as you explore these characters in depth, you'll learn more about them, too, and the more you write, the more confidence you will gain

but be weary of the validation trap (says someone who falls into it literally every time I post a fic)--do not rely on comments and feedback to let you know you're doing it "right." the fact that you're getting thoughts into words onto paper is good enough, and you are good enough and even if you don't end up sharing it, you still did something special that nobody else has done before, and that, is amazing!

I'm not gonna lie, a huge weakness of mine that I feel I've known ever since I started writing CSI fic is that I really don't do well in making cases for the CSIs to work on--and even when I do, the case is usually forgotten by the end of the fic and I end up just kinda focusing on the emotions between the characters and describing their feelings and actions the best I can and unfortunately the plot sometimes suffers because of that.

I guess it really depends on what you want out of your story--do you want a really intriguing case and basically make an episode of CSI, or do you want to kind of bend out of the procedural drama, and just write something fluffy like Nick/Greg going on a roadtrip or something actiony like them getting into some sort of trouble? (as I often do lmao)

Something that does always help me when I do decide I want an actual like, "plot" to the fic beyond just playing around with the characters and making them do things or experience things is that I'll make myself a very flexible outline--which I will admit, at times, does kinda drain the fun out of the actual writing part but I found that I'll try to write chapters/fics in segments in this way, like I'll have the start of a fic, and then when I feel like I need to break but want to write what I got going next, I'll have something in brackets like: [Self deprecation at home/drinking, evil Nick in the mirror?] (for agony), and sometimes maybe a bigger summary, and sometimes less to just kinda remind myself of what I wanted to accomplish with a fic

BUT know that there are gonna be things that pop up sometimes. twists that come to you halfway through a fic--or if you're lucky, you'll find that your reader friends will kinda give you a twist to add in (my fic Last Breath is the greatest example of this--I originally was gonna do like, 12 chapters but then @dannilea said "HEY MK GIVE NICK AMNESIA" and then the fic got doubled in length lmao) so don't feel confined to any sort of outline. go with the flow, go with what feels right for you.

I know it's a lesson I'm still learning myself, but do not pressure yourself with these sorts of things. there are no deadlines. you're not doing anything wrong. if you don't like something you wrote? don't delete it (i've deleted so many things--fics, my entire blog, old art and gifs I did and it's one of my biggest regrets that I carry with me and god...it just hurts) but don't be afraid to tweak, re-write or rework if you need to--I know ao3 has an option where you can even say something is a "remix" of another work if you write a fic and then somewhere down the line, decide to expand on it or change it up? (I think it's meant for that at least, I haven't done that sort of thing....yet)

and that's another thing--you'll always be learning new things as you keep writing. I've been writing since I was like, twelve years old. Had a long ass depressive gap (though I did still write some things, just not...as intensely as I used to) before I came back to the CSI fandom (which I never felt I contributed to before, when I joined tumblr I posted some caps but that was about it, it really wasn't until 2018 that I started giffing and writing and three years later lmao here we are!) and there are just hard lessons you do learn--like I said, the validation trap and pressure and all of that

but motivation wise, something I've been (trying) to do is write at least 100 words per day. Doesn't have to be a specific fic, doesn't have to be anything I intend to make a fic, but just...getting the words flowing. But again, no pressure, because I recently had another depressive bout and went 33 days without writing and it climaxed to me having another mental breakdown swearing I was never gonna write again and damn near deleting everything and giving up.........only to start writing again the next day (and full disclosure, I did have a friend helping me literally every day with that and if they read this, I hope they know how forever grateful I am that they convinced me to keep going and I would not actually be here without them)

You will need to recharge, you will need to be mindful of outside stresses that may be impacting your creative energies. And sometimes, you can try doing things not relating to writing at all. Make a playlist of songs that make you think about the fic; if you can, draw or make photo edits of the fic. find a friend to bounce ideas off of--so many of my fics were enriched by that, I can't even begin to list them all lol.

But above all, again, just know that what you're writing is unique to you, nobody else will be able to write the way you do, and that is just...so special. writing can be difficult, it's exhausting, it's a thankless job at times but when those words start clicking together and your fingers just keep typing/writing, you'll just kinda get this like, rush like nothing I've ever been able to match.

and lmao I know you said specifically CSI and Nick/Greg and feel like I got sidetracked--but the great thing about CSI is I feel like you'll have excuses to put them in situations given their line of work, but like I said before, you can bend out of the genre a little bit. Have Nick and Greg go on a vacation, or make an AU (even something as wild as a sci-fi AU--honestly Specimen Stokes is the most fun I've had in writing the past three years) or if you do want to stick to canon, and don't want to make a whole new case or elaborate on the details--play with an established episode. If there was a Nick focused episode, what was Greg doing and vice versa? Did they talk about things afterwards, or did something happen leading up to the episode that made them act a certain way around each other?

I'll honestly find inspiration also just watching the episodes--something I've been doing in these past few months of my rewatch is making little ficlets about the episode, like I wrote one about Nick and Greg post 6x02 elaborating on the breathplay that Greg hinted about earlier in the episode, or I made a revenge fic for 14x12 where that douchey abusive husband went after Nick, etc. So sometimes it helps to dive back into canon and play in that sandbox too

I hope these tips can help get you started and honestly, don't feel obligated to agree or do any of these things I listed above. We all have different ways of going about writing, and it is just one big learning process and something I don't think I'm ever gonna perfect or master in any sort of way--(not to say I think I'm the worst writer in the world but I just...try to humble myself and not believe I'm the best or better than anybody else cause that's part of the validation trap, you get those ideas in your head and then it can destroy you when you realize you're definitely not)--and there will be times you get heavily discouraged, but...you just gotta keep going. keep pushing. find outside encouragement, but don't rely on it. practice a lot of self care and don't pressure yourself to finish or share or write more than you think you can. just...let it come, and enjoy the ride

I honestly feel like I'm one of the least qualified to say all of these things, but I really do hope it helps and hey, you already got one cheerleader, me, who will be excited to read whatever you share!

[dont-rainonme]

hello! i know it’s been a while ;)

honestly, idk how to start this, but coming back onto this platform after almost  a year was pleasantly surprising and it would be an understatement to say that I'm surprised I'm still getting notes for my posts. but to everyone who’s followed me, reblogged, liked and commented, thank you so much!! it honestly means a lot to me that you enjoyed what I produced

ik most of you know me as the person who wrote the past, present and future howl series and ik you’re probably wondering WHY I just suddenly disappeared after finishing the series, considering I was promising other howl content and works for other animes, like attack on titan.

to keep it short, I think when I finished the PP&F series I was afraid of starting a new story and writing for other fandoms, in fear that it wouldn't be good enough for you all and you wouldn't enjoy it. like I said, I honestly appreciate all the support everyone’s given and I couldn't ask for anything more, but I think back then I was being far too hard on myself and let myself give into the pressure. I did try writing new stories but I just wasn’t happy with how they came out. I know suddenly logging off and never coming back for almost a year with no explanation was a shitty decision on my part, and for that I want to apologise. 

I made the decision today to log back onto Tumblr and see what's been going on and after much thought, I decided that I still want to continue writing. I've chosen to move my work onto AO3, including PP&F, but I won’t be using this account anymore. I won't delete it or anything, just so that people still have access to it on here, but I won't be active on this account either. as for any new stories im planning, im still set on writing a levi story for attack on titan, considering we’re right in the heart of s4 right now and I have the main plot sorted out. (side note: i love the show sm lmfao and seeing the manga that I've been reading become animated was just so exciting. the recent chapter released earlier this month was crazy as well)

however, I dont think im going to write any new howl stories currently right now. when I wrote PP&F, it was right at the start of the original quarantine in march last year and having too much free time and with the movie out on netflix, I pretty much developed a howls moving castle phase. I wrote the story because of this, but now, im simply just not into it as much as I was before. dont get me wrong, I still love it and howl and all the other Ghibli movies, but I dont want to write for a fandom that im just not just as passionate for anymore and produce half-assed pieces of work. I want to give you all the best that I can, so I hope you can understand my decision. 

I literally just created an ao3 account like ten minutes ago so theres still some things I have to work out, but my user will be @dont_rainonme if anybody's interested :) (the whole story can be found here)

but besides that, I just want to thank everyone again who's showed their support, because it reminded me of just how much I love to write. I will try and be more open and active on my platform, but I do also have online school going on so we’ll see how it goes once it starts.

but yeah, I hope you guys are all well and have keeping safe! it's honestly so nice seeing you all again,

thank you,

rain <3

[gleekto]

Summary: College AU/Famous!Blaine and Fanboy!Kurt - Kurt POV

Kurt really doesn’t have time to figure out the dating world between being a freshman at prestigious theatre school, LAADA,  and his active but secret blogging life in the Sing!Fandom. So what if Sing! ended last year? There are still fics to read and actors to follow. Especially the uber talented heartthrob lead, Blaine Anderson. He can act. He can sing. He can even dance. He’s gay. He’s out. And he’s only 24. Kurt is willing to twiddle his thumbs and click refresh until Blaine Anderson’s next project.

He just didn’t expect the next project to be on his roommate Rachel’s new TV show.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

Even Better than the Real Thing (10/13)

Kurt drops the phone as his heart starts to race and panic takes over. He feels like he’s going to throw up. No. He doesn’t have time to throw up. He immediately signs on to tumblr and deletes his blog. Gone. But it’s too late anyways. He calls Mercedes on autopilot. 

“It’s over, Mercedes,” Kurt shakes as he says it. “He knows.”

“What? Who knows what?” But he can practically see the information dawn on her as she says it. “He knows you were a fan? Shit.”

“Yes, specifically, he knows that I was LimaBlaineFan - and I say was because I just deleted.”

“Oh my god, Kurt. How did this happen? Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay. And I don’t know. Or I can guess. He surprise visited me and I forgot to close my laptop screen and I must have left him in my room while I was dealing with Rachel and her oat milk,” Kurt puts the pieces together. “Fucking oat milk.”

“So he ended it on the spot?”

“No. God. He didn’t even say anything. He must have  seen something but not much, gone home and read the blog, and then texted me 24 hours later with a terse goodbye.”

“So what did he say?” Kurt sends her the text. “It’s not great,” She agrees. “But that’s not exactly closure.”

“I don’t think I get closure after what I did. Just memories of our night together and of what an idiot I am.” Kurt goes over the whole story with Mercedes - how he obviously wanted to be chill when he met Blaine, didn’t want to seem like a desperate fanboy but just a friend of Rachel’s - which he is! That wasn’t a lie. And he always made sure to give Blaine an out, not to talk too much, but Blaine kept wanting to talk and flirt and - well, as soon as he really started to believe that they were more than friendly acquaintances with a mutual friend, he stopped blogging. But it was too late by that point to say ‘Oh by the way, I was such a big fan of Sing! that I have a blog about it and your name may feature.’ But he knows it’s all an excuse. Blaine told him the first time they met that a fan is not a friend. And he didn’t heed the warning. Or tell the truth.

Mercedes listens to the story she already knows, and affirms and agrees, but unfortunately, can’t really fix a situation that can’t be fixed. Kurt spends the night staring at his ceiling and the next day moping around the house, tired and cranky. He binges Gossip Girl and eats popcorn and texts Mercedes sad face emojis.

Even Rachel notices that something’s wrong when she comes in that evening.  “You’re still in pajamas?” She looks at him quizzically. “And you look like hell.”

“Thanks?”

“And I only point that out because it’s very unlike you.”

“I guess that is actually a compliment.”

“What’s wrong?” Before he thinks of what he’s going to say, Rachel interrupts again. “Wait. Blaine was a wreck today - bags under his eyes, forgot all his lines. Just said he had a rough night. Okay, Kurt. What is going on with you two?”

“Nothing now.”

“Now?”

“It’s not working out, okay?” Rachel starts to say something again but thinks better of it.

“Okay,” She seems to clue in to the fact that he does not want to talk about it. “I’ll go out later to get you a piece of cheesecake from Henry’s.” His favourite cheesecake place. 

“Thank you,” He says sincerely. “Best therapy.”

...

After his cheesecake, which did take his mind off the mess of his life for at least 15 minutes, he moves back to his bedroom for night two of ceiling gazing, when his phone buzzes.

Blaine: So you didn’t respond.

He stares at the message, willing the right response to come to him.

Kurt: I honestly just don’t know what to say. Other than I’m sorry. I guess that’s what I should have said.

Blaine: So you are LimaBlaineFan, right?

Kurt: Guilty. Very guilty.

Blaine: Shit.

Kurt: I know we’re done - it’s my fault. You don’t need to say anything.

Kurt can’t actually bear the idea of Blaine lecturing him on honesty amidst crushing his heart.

Blaine: It is your fault. But we should talk.

Kurt: We should?

Blaine: Meet me at the Coffee Bean tomorrow at 3, okay?

Kurt: Let me check my calendar.

Blaine: Cheeky.

Kurt knows he made him smile despite himself.

Kurt: I’ll be there.

...

Kurt gets to the Coffee Bean half an hour early so he can be sure to be there first. He buys Blaine his favourite medium drip and adds a vanilla almond biscotti. 

“These for me?” Blaine says as he sits down across from Kurt.

“The least I could do.” Blaine rolls his eyes and shakes his head, but he accepts the coffee and cookie. “I’m really sorry. I should have told you.”

“Yeah, you should’ve,” Blaine says and pauses, sipping his coffee. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Kurt starts.

Blaine shrugs. “Go for it.”

“Why did you ask me to meet you for coffee? I mean, after finding out the guy you just -” Kurt gets red despite himself.

“Got naked with,” Blaine fills in.

“Yes - was actually a fan following your career-”

“And my body parts,” Blaine adds and Kurt gets much redder.

“I mean, I think that gives you license to fully ghost me without another word.”

“True,” Blaine nods his head. “But for one, you are my co-star’s roommate-”

“At least that’s true,” Kurt sighs at himself.

“Also, I’m not an asshole.”

“But I probably gave you reason to think that I am one.”

“No - which is the real reason I wanted to talk. The timeline.” Kurt looks at him confused. “Your blog on tumblr. It seems like once we met, you only blogged a few times. And by the time I was interested in you, you stopped posting.”

Kurt nods, giving himself an internal high five for at least one decent choice. “I did. Right after we-”

“Made out all night?” Blaine has got to stop putting these images back into his head in the midst of a break up conversation.

“No. It was before that. After you  - you know we talked in my room-”

Blaine remembers, smiling.  “When I got you to tell me you had never been kissed so I could tell you that you should be.”

“You’re so calculating,” Kurt shakes his head.

Blaine raises his hands in defense. “My intentions were pure, I promise. Besides, I could say the same about you.”

“I wasn’t calculating! I wasn’t even trying to be your friend, let alone your, you know. I am definitely not sophisticated enough to try to deceive you to get you into bed, god. I was just trying to seem reasonably normal and cool around my roommate’s new co-star who by complete coincidence was my celebrity crush of the last four years. It was way too uncool to reveal my alter ego to you.”

Blaine smiles, probably despite himself. “Can I tell you some of my favourites?”

“Oh god.”

It seems Blaine spent the better part of his evening delving deeply into the fandom mind of LimaBlaineFan, because he had screencapped some of Kurt’s oldest, and cringiest posts.

-Why isn’t he shirtless in that scene? The other guys are shirtless. Roy is hot. And no, I don’t think he’s embarrassed. 

“Well, you are right about that. I’m not camera shy.” 

-Thank God Blaine Anderson has a better fashion sense than Roy. Roy and his loose jeans and sweatpants - how would I even catch a glimpse? But did you see Blaine on that red carpet? Maroon suit, pants so tight. His ass is perfection.

-Blaine’s interview for Pride was perfection. He says we might even catch him out on the dance floors, dancing with some hotties. Maybe then he’ll be shirtless.

And of course, Blaine appreciated Kurt’s hard work on one of his most recent posts - The privileges and pitfalls of playing straight for an out gay actor: Quotes from Blaine Anderson’s interviews.

Kurt lets Blaine read each one, sitting silent in embarrassment and biting his lip through it all. It’s the least he deserves. Just as Blaine finishes his list and Kurt is about to go into profuse apology once again,  they’re interrupted.

A young woman who looks about seventeen scurries quickly up to their table. “Hi. I’m sorry. I know you’re busy. I’m just such a huge fan of Sing! And now That’s So Rachel-” - If that was a fan test, she passed. She knows both shows. That’s a minimum. “Can I get a pic with you?”

“Of course. Thank you so much for watching.” Blaine takes her phone like a pro and angles it so he and the girl are both in it, Kurt trying to avoid being the photobomb in the background. Blaine turns back to him as the girl leaves. 

“I guess that would’ve been me a few months ago.”

“For you, I might have even given a hug. Or the coveted kiss on the cheek. I always try to connect with the gay guy fans.”

“You succeeded?” Kurt tries and Blaine laughs. At least the energy between them is better. Much better. Like he won’t have to hide in a corner if he’s ever at an event with Blaine again or anything like that.

“I guess I did.”

“The first time I met you, you told me that a fan is not a friend.”

“I did.”

“Would you have asked me out if you had known from the beginning?”

“Probably not. Against the rules.”

“That’s what I thought.” There’s an awkward pause - Kurt’s not sure there’s anything else to say and apparently Blaine agrees because he switches the topic to the latest script and his excitement about working with Patti Lupone - who apparently, even gets to slap him. By the time they leave the café, Kurt feels relieved. He’s survived his first break up. Not that they were really together. He doesn’t have the energy to grieve the loss of kissing, and touching, and ironically still not having seen Blaine shirtless (pantless, yes). He’s sure it will hit him like a ton of bricks after he finally gets a real night of sleep, and then he will have Rachel prepare the cheesecake. Again. 

He crawls into bed early that night, grateful the shock and awful adrenaline of the last two days has finally left his body. His phone buzzes as he closes his light and he plans to text Mercedes back to tell her he’ll update her tomorrow. But it’s not Mercedes.

Blaine: Some rules are made to be broken.

[marikaaajoy]

my relationship with digital art and how BNHA salvaged it

I just wanted to let out my thoughts but I can only do it here :>

This might be a downer for some people but I’d like to share it with people here. BNHA means the world to me and this is why.

I first started drawing when I was 7 years old in 2006

I think it’s ugly now, but 7 year old me remembered being so proud of this because this is a drawing of my stepfather. This is the only drawing I have that was from my childhood. I think the aim here is to draw in anime style BUT I didn’t even watch anime back then. I had a classmate who loves anime and she taught me to draw in school. Drawing became a favorite hobby immediately after that.

Then it was 2013 and I was 14 years old. Drawing is still my favorite thing to do besides being on the computer. I love anime at this point too. My parents bought an iPad for the whole family, but I was almost always the one using it. I discovered an app called ArtStudio and thought “Wow, I can draw without making a mess and with only my fingers” because I was always too lazy to take out my drawing materials and clean up afterwards.

These were my first digital drawings. The pirate one was the very first. I got obsessed real fast. I can color so easily, undo any mistake, layers are a blessing too. There was just so much more freedom. I always sucked at coloring in traditional art and I didn’t like the mess (idk my hands get so messy traditionally)

The next year, it was 2014, I was 15. My birthday is in a couple of months and I knew my parents were planning to buy me something pricey (I think it was a laptop) so I approached them and asked if they could just buy the Wacom Bamboo as a present which was cheaper anyway and I even explained how it works to them and how it would allow me to draw on the computer instead of the iPad. I tried really hard to be convincing. I would have prepared a powerpoint presentation if I had to.

They did give me the wacom as a present. They even gave it to me months before my birthday so I could use it already. I thought I was the luckiest teen in the world with my parents.

These are a collection of my favorite works from 2014 to 2016. The middle one was my second drawing using wacom and Paint Tool SAI. I was a part of a lot of fandoms in those years lol

It gets downhill from there :/

April 2016, my mom and I moved to Japan, while my stepfather and siblings stay in my country. It was tough. For someone who is obsessed with anime, you’d think I’d be thrilled to live in Japan.

I was. Though only at the first few months. It’s not the same as it’s portrayed in anime (I should’ve known but I used to be blinded by anime). It was just lonely. The language barrier sucked and then lots of financial and family issues until my parents split. I got my first boyfriend too and I thought I was blessed by the nicest boy, but the relationship became extremely toxic but I didn’t have it in me to walk away.

All the shit that happened affected me mentally and emotionally. My biggest outlet which was digital drawing, was also out of the question because I did not have a computer/laptop when we moved to Japan. We left it in our home for my stepfather and siblings, even the iPad. I have my wacom with me, but no computer/laptop to use it with. I couldn’t draw.

I tried though. I used my phone to draw, but it wasn’t the same. Then the life problems got piled up, things got worse, and I just lost motivation in anything. Literally anything. From 2016 to 2019, I stopped watching anime, I dropped out of all the fandoms I’m in, I stopped watching my favorite TV series or movies, and I stopped drawing. I even got a bit disconnected with my friends who lived in my country (we talk regularly online). My family was broken so I gave all my attention to my toxic relationship as well which made everything worse too lol

I didn’t draw besides from a few scribbles and the drawings above. I did try digital art on my phone a couple of times again and even posted them on my IG, but they weren’t any good. Eventually, I got mentally and emotionally drained and dropped out of senior high school. I just stayed home for almost a year, leeching off of my mom. I felt even more worthless and my life had no direction at this point. Nothing mattered anymore.

April 2019 or so I think, my (ex)bf bought me a laptop. He says it’s a gift, but I think the real reason was to make up for something horrible that he did (which is stupid because money /gifts won’t resolve anything). I have a laptop. I can draw again, but I didn’t. I didn’t care, I wasn’t interested in drawing anymore anyway.

Welp. June 2019, I went back to my country. My (ex) bf stayed in Japan. The distance helped me end the relationship and my friends were there (they always were) to help put me back together along with two trips to therapy. I went back to finish my senior high school in my own country this time. That said, I have to stay in my country for school (but I was happy because I didn’t wanna go back to Japan yet when the breakup was still fresh and with going back to school, my life has a direction again.)

It was weird. I remember just being sorta lost and confused because I used to put my time, effort and everything into my previous toxic relationship, which was now gone. I was free and I had so much free time that I didn’t know what to do with it. I got so used to doing nothing and being nothing.

This is where BNHA enters.

Dunno when it started, but I started seeing Bakugou frequently online. It’s usually just Bakugou. I knew who he was because my friend suggested BNHA to me back in late 2018 I think but I didn’t watch it since I’ve lost interest in everything at that point in my life.

But ye I thought he hot af but I still didn’t watch BNHA.

But then for some reason he REALLY kept appearing in my social medias and it was really frequent. The last straw was when I saw a pic of him in UA’s gym uniform and thought “damn boi aight imma watch bnha for u” (y’all gotta admit he looks good in those colors with his combat boots XD )

I watched BNHA. Fell in love with Iida along the way. Then I switched to Tokoyami (but Shoji was hot too so aaaaa), but then angry emotionally-constipated sea urchin head caught my heart again. But oof. BakuDeku moments really made me feel some type of way I haven’t felt since I moved to Japan. It felt new but nostalgic. I fell hard in that ship.

I started obsessing. From memes to posts to fanfictions to buying merch to filling my room with BNHA posters. I realized I was reverting to my old self from the time I was still happy and it was thanks to BNHA (and the good people who helped me through the worst too)

Shit I wanted to draw BNHA, I thought.

I mean, I have a laptop, I still have my wacom and drawing softwares. I could totally draw digitally again if I wanted to.

But guess what

I can’t :c

My hand physically cannot draw. My drawings don’t look the way I want them too. 3 years of not drawing really destroyed any skill I had. I was back to square one.

September (yeah they’re ugly, I laughed at it). If you’re wondering why I drew on paper, it’s because, for some reason, I really CANNOT draw digitally. I mean it. I can barely sketch digitally at this point. The lines and shapes just doesn’t come to life. They’re just scribbles. But somehow, I can kinda draw on paper with a ballpoint pen. But yeah, that was the best I could do at this point in my life

After that, I still tried to draw, to regain my old art style, but it didn’t happen... It just doesn’t look or feel the same. Drawing used to be fun. But during this phase, it felt like my ugly drawings were just mocking me (probably was just too emo that time lol)

Weirdly, around a week or two I think, after my half-assed attempts at drawing, I managed to draw digitally somehow o.o

I did a Midoriya and Todoroki drawing like this too. It was my first post here on Tumblr I think. The annoying part here is that I cannot draw digitally unless I draw on paper first, take a pic, and then trace the lineart. I couldn’t draw directly on the computer. Granted, drawing on paper and drawing on digital is very different for me in the first place anyway. But it was still a pain. And it still looked like shit. I can only draw stiff poses :/ it seems like my brain decided to delete all data about anatomy and posture and backgrounds. My lineart here is even messy af. It still really not the same as my old style.

By 2020, I think I got my old art style back. On March, I made this. This took me 27 total of hrs to make.

Right now, I think it’s not bad, but back in March, I was disappointed with the result. This is when I finally broke down crying because it didn’t look good enough and I hated that it took me 27 hrs to draw “bullshit.” I was angry at myself for losing interest in drawing for 3 years when I could’ve used that time to improve. I had to start all over again and it still didn’t look good. (Current me thinks that the drawing above is alright. I was just a lot harsher to myself back then. Used to have a lot of issues but I’m doing great now)

I cried myself to sleep that night. Woke up wanting to cry again. I wallowed in sadness for a couple of days. Eventually told my friends what’s up. Got some pep talk. Even talked to my sister (she’s great, she always hypes me up with my stuff and sometimes I think she’s my biggest fan with how she appreciates my drawings and I’m really grateful for that).

My world turned a 180 and I was weirdly positive after all that crying because brain chemicals and shit. I had a revelation. If I hate how my art style looked so much, then I should have been putting effort in changing my art style, not trying to regain my old art style (that I don’t like anymore)

I researched a lot. I analyzed different art styles and anatomy again. I did everything I could think of to find a style that works for me. I might have even neglected school for a bit to focus on digital art lmao

After all that work, I posted a fanart of middle school BakuDeku in their classroom. I love that fanart so much even if I probably have better ones by now because that was the first fanart I made that I felt like I could be proud of and it was the first one I made in my new art style. It was a milestone for me.

March 2020, I moved back to Japan and without the toxic relationship, I’m a lot positive now. Happy. I’m myself again after the previous bad years. I’m still continuously learning though, trying to improve, but at least, now, I found my own art style :) I really suck at interacting with people online, but I’m always grateful for the support everyone has been giving my fanarts. I’m happy when my content makes people happy.

This is why BNHA is important to me. The series is great alone, but it’s not just that to me. BNHA is so much more. It’s what made me find the passion to create again, only this time, it’s focused on drawing (I used to write, but now I just draw, but maybe I’ll write again for BNHA).

My family is supportive with my love for BNHA, but I think they don’t know the deeper reason why I love it. Sure, I was fine living on with nothing much going on in my life. I’ll finish school, get a job, work until I die or something. It was okay. It was the way of life. But BNHA gave my life color again. I wasn’t just blindly going through life anymore. I have something to look forward to everyday now. BNHA even became a bridge to other things. Ever since then, I’m a lot more open to people, to try new things, to explore and not just live through life and waste away. I got better at leaving my comfort zone. I’ve never been happier in my life :D

Thank you for supporting my fanarts. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to express myself through BNHA. I hope to make more content in the future and improve even more :)

[abreathofthewild]

And They Were Roommates, Chapter 1/?

Summary: After the events of Endgame, the Avengers try to regain a semblance of normalcy.  Steve Rogers decides to move to a small town, get a regular job and a regular room mate...

Word Count: 1832

Warnings: mentions of death.  some language.  some hanky panky (MILD exhibitionism?!??!).  Like neck kissing, hip straddling.  But not between Steve and reader...  yet.  Eventual warnings for possible PTSD and traumatic flashbacks.  Smut.  Oh boy I can’t believe I just wrote that this is going to be a wonderful journal.

Notes: Holy cow I’m actually posting this.  This is my first time posting a fic so please be kind?  I’m also open to constructive criticism though so yeah.  How I’m posting a Steve Rogers fic before a Thor fic is beyond me but I guess ya gotta follow the spark?  This literally is based off a dream so it should be interesting?!  If I can actually finish it?!  I have not seen Endgame (I’m not mentally prepared) but I have a general idea of how it goes and I’m writing things differently.  For reasons.  I hope you all enjoy!​ EDIT: I’m so mad at Tumblr I tried to add a tag through mobile and it DELETED THE WHOLE DANG POST FORMATTING AND ALL so here it is again.

Links: Chapter 2

You groaned as you rolled over and blearily felt around for your phone on the nightstand; the display lit up so bright it made your eyes squint in pain.  As they finally adjusted to the screen and you saw the numbers 2:43, you felt a familiar anger boil up inside you.  That anger spiked when you heard a few thumps and more giggling from the living room.  This was the third time this week Steve had brought some random drunk girl home from the bar where he worked.  He was a popular guy because he was great at what he did, good-looking too you had to admit.  And he was Captain America.  He knew he had these qualities though and he flaunted them.  For most people, his cockiness was a turn on; for you, it was the exact opposite and made most of the time rooming with him a miserable thing.  You rolled over and squeezed your eyes shut, desperately willing sleep to come.  Your mind trailed off to when you first met Steve.  After the defeat of Thanos and the death of so many, Tony in particular, the Avengers had dispersed; they remained in touch but they all had decided to lead normal lives.  As normal as possible anyway.  

Steve Rogers?  Captain America?  He decided to get a regular job at a regular bar in some regular town and move into some regular house.  You knew he hurt.  Who didn’t?  Everyone had lost someone.  You…  You had lost your sister.  She was the one who roomed with you before Steve.  Some of her pictures were still on the mantle along with one of the Avengers together.  You always smiled when you saw those pictures.  The one with your sister was her in the snow, her skin flushed a bright red from the cold, her nose and eyes scrunched up as she laughed.  That memory was so sweet, still fresh as if you had taken the picture yesterday.  She had tripped and fallen face first in the snow.  It was deep so it hadn’t hurt her.  Instead she had flooded the air with her laughter.  The two of you had ended up gasping for breath from hysterics.  The one of the Avengers was similar although the focus of their laughter seemed to be Tony Stark’s frown.  It wasn’t really a frown though, more as if he was trying to keep a smile off his face.  Steve had never told you the story (he never really told you much about that time) but you guessed they were ribbing him for something.  The love for each other was evident though.  Steve seemed to be the most enthusiastic; his head was thrown back, eyes closed.  He was holding his stomach and his golden hair was falling loosely in a wave.  It made you smile every time you looked at those.

“Steeeevveee…”  A whine came from the living room.  Your efforts to go back to sleep were a no-go.  All those girls he brought home were so…  Not Steve.  It made your blood run hot.

“That’s it,” you whispered angrily to no one in particular as you leapt from your bed and stalked down the hall.  The was a furry rug running down the length of the floor; you weren’t exactly trying to move quietly.  Still, you doubted Steve wouldn’t hear you, either way.  At the last minute, something stopped you from rounding the corner.  Really, what right did you have to tell him not to bring girls home?  This was half his house.  You had to be at work in three hours now though, a thought that made you somewhat desperate.  You took a deep breath and slowly padded out into the living area.  

There was Steve, sitting on the couch (the couch you sat on too sometimes for Christ’s sake).  The girl was straddling his lap, her blonde curls loose around her shoulders.  Her mini skirt was hiked up to her hips.  His arms were at her back and he was kissing her neck; her hands were in his hair and she let out a small moan.  You stood frozen in place.

They were completely absorbed in each other, completely oblivious to you standing there gawking.  It was an impressive sight to see Steve in action if you were being completely honest with yourself.  Then he opened his eyes.  You’d looked him in the face before, knew he had pretty blues but this…  This was different.  They were stunning, intense.  And focused on you as the girl he was holding let her head fall back on a sigh.  He didn’t stop, just watched you watching him.  It made the muscles in your stomach clench.  What the hell?  You stood straight, shook your head in an attempt to make the haziness leave your brain and cleared your throat.  She jumped in his arms but didn’t make any move to get off his lap.  She did a half turn to see who was there; you crossed your arms and tapped your foot.

“Look, I don’t wanna be rude and I don’t know if Steve told you but he doesn’t live alone.  And I gotta get up for work in the morning.  I mean, can you guys just be a little quieter, Steve?”  You directed your gaze to him.  He watched you lazily but…  Your cheeks flushed hot when he kept watching you.  Shit…  “That’s all I need…”  You trailed off awkwardly, frustrated with yourself.  He finally looked away and back at her face.

“Gosh, doll, looks like our fun’s over.  Maybe some other time?”  He smirked, squeezing her hips.  He continued smirking as she stared at him in disbelief.

“Look,” she finally said, mirroring your statement with sarcasm, “I don’t wanna be rude but I don’t  know who this bitch thinks she is—”  Your eyes widened when Steve didn’t even let her finish her sentence as he stood up abruptly, letting her fall indignantly to the cushion next to him.

“That bitch,” he said quietly, “pays half the rent.  She’s my roommate.  And I won’t have anyone disrespecting her.”   Now it was her turn to widen her eyes; her mouth gaped open.  Steve stood, imposing, one hand in the pocket of his blue jeans, the other arm extended to the door.  The girl stood quickly and grabbed her bag from the coffee table.  The door slammed as she left.  You crossed your arms and tried to look everywhere but at Steve who still faced away from you.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.  “I didn’t mean for that to happen.  I just…  I have to be there at, like, six—”

“It’s fine.”  His shoulders and back flexed; you gulped when he turned around and studied your face.  “She shouldn’t have said that.”  God those blue eyes.  He took a step forward and another when you didn’t back away.  Finally, he grinned.  “I think you made her jealous.  I mean, who wouldn’t be jealous of you?  You get to see America’s ass in person every day.”  You rolled your eyes.  Steve having access to the internet was all at once the worst and best thing.  He was fascinated by memes and when it came to memes of himself… well, he could make you sit for hours showing you memes.  “Play hooky with me tomorrow, let me make up for how she treated you.”  You crossed your arms again and pursed your lips, shook your head.

“No-can-do, Steve.  I’m one of the openers.  I wouldn’t do that on such short notice.”

“I figured as much.  I’ve never seen you call out.  I mean, except that one time you were puking your guts out.”  Steve smirked, you shuddered.

“Ugh, that was awful.  I was so sick!  Thank god you didn’t bring anyone here those nights.”  You returned his smirk as Steve gave you an expression of mock surprise, throwing his hands up in surrender.

“I don’t bring that many girls home, okay?  Besides, I have to drown out the bad memories somewhere.”  There was an uncomfortable moment of silence.  

“Steve—"

“Plus, you were so miserable.  I didn’t want to bother you.  I tried to stay scarce those days.”  He’d crossed his arms again, and you had to force yourself to keep your eyes on his face instead of how good he looked in that worn white t-shirt of his.  His words jarred a memory in you though from the last time you remembered being that sick.

You were fifteen.  Your mom had to work the night shift at the hospital.  She wasn’t particularly caring anyway.  Y/Sister’s name was the one who found you in the bathroom in the middle of the night, laying on the cold tile floor holding your stomach.  She had rubbed your back and held your hair back from your face and made sure you drank little bits of water to wash away the gross aftertaste.  

“Ssshh,” she had whispered.  “It’s all right, you’re okay.”  She had helped you back to bed, tucked you in with a bucket on the floor.  She had stayed there all night, waiting it out with you.  It was the best feeling just knowing someone was there.  She was always there for you, even when no one else was…

Tears sprang unbidden to your eyes and you bit your lip.  Shit.  Shit shit shit.  

“I, uh, I gotta go to bed, okay?  Um, sorry about tonight.  Didn’t mean for it to go that way,” you said again.  That quick he closed the space between you; he was so close you could smell the subtle aroma of his cologne, see the way his eyes searched yours.  He reached up and brushed a thumb across your cheek, wiping away a tear you hadn’t even noticed falling.

“Please don’t apologize.  Can I take you out after you get off?”  You looked up at him (you definitely had to look up) and studied his face.  He looked so tired.  His eyes looked sad.  How had you never noticed before?  Maybe it was time you paid attention.  A small nod.

“Yeah,” you whispered, even though you didn’t even know why you had to whisper.  “I get off at 1.  Should I meet you?”  Steve smiled then.  Golden boy.  Apollo.  The sun.

“Nah, I got this.  I’ll pick you up.”  Was he always a gentleman like this?  A quick hitch of your breath as he leaned forward and spoke close to your ear “Good night, Y/N.”  He stood up and slowly brushed passed you heading to the room at the other side of the hall where he saluted you with a grin as he went in and closed his door.  He knew.  He knew the effect he suddenly was having on you and he was loving it.  If you were being honest, you didn’t mind that you were finally acknowledging it.

And now, somehow, you were going to hang out with Steve Rogers tomorrow.  You slapped a hand over your mouth to stifle your disbelieving giggle.  It felt good.

[sherlollydramoine]

Welcome to the Tumblr-Dome Bitch! Pt 2

Warnings: Language, anonymous fake Tumblr death threats, some hilarity, and idk.. Just enjoy!

So here is part two. I hope you all enjoy because this was way too fun to write.

Word Count: 1823 (I really should have just written this as a fic, but I was feeling lazy and I’m tired) this part two. I’m going to have to write a third part to this and it’s going to be funny and hopefully we’ll get on to some sexy times in part three

(PART ONE)

You wake up several hours later and the first thing you did was check your phone. Unsure if you dreamt or hallucinated last night. Did Rami Malek really come to your apartment, find your smutty fanfiction and then get addicted to Tumblr while sitting on your couch?

Checking your Tumblr notifications you see you had several messages from Rami’s blog ItsMeRami.

ItsMeRami sent a post.“Wow people are so creative. I’ve never said or done shit like that in my life.” 

“I just got six messages from people asking if my blog was the real Rami. I said ‘as if’. I’m cackling.” 

ItsMeRami sent a post “Holy hell that was kinda hot, I think we should try something like that. Or maybe you aren’t into the possibility of calling me Daddy?” 

“ItsMeRami sent a post. “What in the actual fuck is this weird shit?!” 

It’sMeRami sent a post. “This is.. I have no words.” 

“This Peen blog is fucking hilarious. I might have to specifically start wearing no underwear all the time, and whenever cameras are about start thrusting my hips.” 

“Wow. I never realized just how visible my dick is when I don’t wear underwear.” 

“Omg Free-Rami’s blog is hilarious. Some of these people on here are crazy but I love her sarcastic responses.” 

“I hope you don’t mind. Since we follow each other now I started looking at some of your other blogs you follow… wow. Just wow.”

 ItsMeRami sent a post. “This is pretty interesting, maybe I should role play as Snafu for you, that could be fun. You seem to like a lot of posts about Snafu. This piece was interesting. Maybe we should find a train and… “ 

ItsMeRami sent a post. “I’m.. what the fuck.. You warned me about this place being a hellsite, maybe I should quit while I’m ahead. This is too much.” 

“I hope to God we’re still on for later because I want to try some of this stuff with you. By the way, I really loved the pieces you wrote. The question is do you want it quick and dirty or slow and sensual? Maybe both? We could do both right? Shit, I need to get off of here for a while and actually go to sleep. This is why I don’t do social media dammit, and damn you woman, what did you do?” 

“Hope you are getting some good sleep. Good night..er morning.. I’ll message you in a few hours. XOXO”

Finally having read through a majority of the messages you type a response. “Your responses to this place of Tumblr hell are the best things the internet could ever offer. I just woke up and I can’t stop laughing. I will look at all the individual posts later. You can always deactivate your blog later if you don’t want to keep it. Noone will fault you for that. As for tonight.. Bring it however you want, Daddy..or Sir.. or Rami.. whatever you want to be called. It’s alright. We can figure it out when you get here. What time were you thinking? I can make or order us some food and we can chill for a while.”

Your phone alert lets you know that there is another notification, thinking it was from Rami you picked it up. It wasn’t though it was from your friend @free-rami 

“Hey girl, have you seen this new blog ItsMeRami?” 

You almost choke. 

“No. Why?” 

“There is a rumor going around that given the title that maybe Rami is really on Tumblr.” 

“I highly doubt that, it’s probably just someone trying to stir some shit or something.I thought Rami doesn’t do social media? Though Tumblr is fairly anonymous so if he were to pick any platform to actively use this is the best one do so undercover.” 

“Yeah that’s what I thought but some of the stuff that’s been posted on there is interesting. It’s almost written as if it really is him or someone who knows him.”

 “I’m about to shower, but I will def check it out when I get out”.

“Cool, let me know what you think. I’m curious….”

“Will do, though it most likely is just some crazy fan or something.”

“Probably. People on here are crazy as hell sometimes.”

You finished your shower and ended up checking out the ItsMeRami blog. What you found had you laughing your ass off. For someone not very savvy on social media, Rami sure took to Tumblr quickly. 

A favorite thing of his, is apparently to go search for fan photos and reblog with random commentary about ‘I don’t remember this’ or ‘You look so happy’ or ‘What the hell is that guy wearing?’ or ‘Who the hell does this guy think he is?”

You are apparently going to have to have another conversation with him about the meaning of anonymous. Damn his inbox and message box must be full.

It wasn’t until you started to find his fanfiction reblogs that his comments really became hilarious.

``I don’t think I’ve ever ripped someone's shirt off with my teeth, but maybe I’ll have to try it. Any volunteers?@yourTUMBLRurl’ 

‘Why is she calling me Daddy? I’m not her father. That would be really inappropriate.’

‘Yeah sex on a beach is a no-go for me. Have you ever done that? Sand gets everywhere, including places you don’t want it to.’

‘My eyes are beautiful, aren't they? But I’ll never tell exactly what color they are, I like reading about other’s hilarious descriptions of them.’

‘Holy shit, you wrote about a character you guys haven’t even met yet?! That’s so cool, and maybe, just maybe, your characterization of this… Detective Cutie Pants is almost spot on.’

‘Wow. Benjamin fanfiction. This is.. That’s some old stuff right there!’

‘You all really love Snafu don’t you? He was a fun guy to play. I’m glad you all think he’s sexy.’

‘I’m not gay, but this is beautifully pornographic’

‘Wow that was quite a read. Personally, I’ve never actually had a threesome but it sounds quite exciting, and exhausting.’

‘This is just perfection. The setting, the writing, except those leather pants did not come off that quickly or easily.’

``I'm pretty sure my homie Elliot probably wasn’t as bold as he is here, but very creative fresh take on things. I’m going to pass this along to Sam to see what his thoughts on this are.’

Deciding to message your friend @free-rami back, all you had to say was “Whoever this is I highly suspect is just trying to do an impersonation. I mean isn’t his username for this the same as that email from the Rami Undercover Online piece from the end of the summer? Honestly, I just think it’s someone trying to rile people up.”

“I think you’re right, it’s just weird. Why would someone do this?”

Likes, attention, followers? Who knows? I’m pretty sure that it’s fake. There is no real information in the profile so it’s hard to tell, I think. No telling with the loons that are out there.”

“Did you notice that they reblogged nearly your entire masterlist?”

“Yeah I woke up to a ton of notifications. I’m going to send them a message and see if I can get to the bottom of this.”

“Let me know how it goes.”

“Will do! :)”

You message Rami again and hope that he will see it under the millions of messages that he may likely be receiving now.

“WTF!!! I thought you wanted to remain anon? Seriously? Those comments were fucking gold though but you’ve got the whole internet in a tizzy now! I’m sure this shit has already been tweeted, facebooked, snapchatted, or instagrammed. CALL ME WHEN YOU CAN AT 555-730-0054”

He messages back with “I’m not really sure what’s going on here but I have a ton of notifications and messages, I barely saw yours. Thankfully you are the only person I follow so I figured out how to message you that way. I see your other message now. I’m going to call in a second but yeah… I might have actually gone too far on some of those comments.”

He obviously hit send and then immediately called you because your phone started vibrating in your hand.

“Hey you!” 

“Hey you too! Sooooo.. What the hell did I do last night?”

“Started a fan frenzy, a shit storm, a kerfuffle, chaos. I’m on my laptop right now and I’m watching my notifications go off like crazy all of a sudden. I’m thinking that people may have figured out that I’m the only one that you follow, and they may suspect that it’s me doing this. Hold on, let me pull some asks.”

Your ask box suddenly had 596 asks. 

“Are you pretending to be Rami?” “How do you know Rami?” “Are you Rami?” “Wtf is going on?” “Are you Rami’s girlfriend?” “Eat shit and die bitch.” “You know Rami and you didn’t tell us?” “I think you are a slut. You should probably go slit your wrists.” “THIS IS INSANITY! RAMI JOINED TUMBLR AND RANDOMLY FOLLOWED YOU? WHY YOU? MY BLOG HAS BETTER CONTENT!” 

You just let out a deep sigh as you talked to Rami for a little bit longer. He agreed to come over later and you’d make him dinner. You read some of the anon messages that you started to receive and he just kept apologizing.

You told him your plan and he agreed that hopefully it would work, but you were unsure if people were willing to take the bait.

The post you made said this:

I, yourTUMBLRurl, swear that I am not the individual going around and impersonating Rami Malek on Tumblr (ItsMeRami). I do not condone that behavior, but I think that it’s also best that at this time to withhold any speculation about who this individual may be. If it really is Rami Malek then let him make that known when and if he chooses to do so. 

You then hit your inbox and deleted the hundreds of asks that you’d received mostly anonymously some full of hate and others just curious.

Okay, I had to break this up again (PART THREE)

@the-real-ramimalekpeen @mrhoemazzello @xmxisxforxmaybe @txmel @spacedustmazzello @ramimedley @hissom1933

[cassercole]

A GIF TUTORIAL 💫

ok so @mystic-scripture​ asked if i could do a lil GIF TUTORIAL so here’s a v v basic one! i know there’s a ton of different ways ppl make gifs and i know ppl have told me my way is wrong a ton of times, but i found this to be the easiest way when i was learning and it’s worked for me this long! 

so bear with me as i try to explain, in the most simplest of terms, how i made this gif: 

THIS TUTORIAL REQUIRES:

photoshop (i’m using cc2019)

source material from a video/mp4 file 

patience (both with yourself and with me)

[ TUTORIAL CONTINUES UNDER THE READ MORE ]

so first thing’s first, in order to make a gif, you’ll need some source material. like tv shows/movies/trailers/music videos/etc. you get it. get your source material downloaded and ready 2 go. 

after you have that, open up photoshop and go to FILE > IMPORT > VIDEO FRAMES TO LAYERS

from there, pick your source file from wherever it was saved to and then this little screen will pop up: 

**NOTE: don’t touch the “limit to every ____ frame” unless you’re importing a screen recorded video (then put 2) 

use the arrow heads as bookmarks to choose the section of footage you want to import frames from from the whole video. it can be a scene or a little moment from the tv show/movie as a whole. 

**NOTE: that photoshop will only import 500 layers at a time

if this comes up, hit the CONTINUE button and photoshop will load your frames into the TIMELINE which is at the bottom of your workshop screen. so now you have something like this: 

next, you’re going to want to trim down your frames so that your finished gif is just what you want it to be. you can do this directly in the timeline just by SELECTING ONE FRAME + HOLDING DOWN ‘SHIFT’ + USING THE HORIZONTAL SCROLL BAR AT THE BOTTOM + CLICKING ON THE LAST FRAME YOU WANT TO DELETE then hitting the small TRASH BIN icon:

after you’ve trimmed down your frames to an appropriate number, you’ll want to SHARPEN your frames. there’s a ton of sharpening tools from plenty of more experienced gif-makers. i currently use THIS ONE and it sharpens up to 100 frames so as long as your frame number is less than or equal to 100, you’re good to go! 

in order to start the action, you’ll want to go to the top right hand corner where this icon is: 

and open up the panel where your ACTIONS are located: 

hit the PLAY button and let the action do the work! when it’s finished, and you’re under 100 frames, you’ll get this notif: 

hit CONTINUE to make it go away and allow you to work with your frames again. 

from there, it’s all about coloring, resizing and adjusting the frame delay! you can do this in any order you like, just make sure you do it lol  

you can use this icon: 

to access all the different ways to color your gif! like brightness, vibrance, selective color, etc. etc. play around with it! see what looks nice! if you think it looks good, then it looks good. you can also download PSDs from other gif-makers that help with coloring certain scenes like dark scenes or weirdly lighted ones. 

**NOTE: make sure your coloring affects ALL the frames! you can see if the coloring layer does by clicking a frame, then looking at the layers to see if this icon (the eye) is on: 

after you’ve finished coloring, set your frame delay! you’ll want your gif to be anywhere between 0.04 to 0.07 depending on what looks best to you! **hit OTHER to change the timing to your preference -- just make sure ALL your frames are selected!

once you’ve set your frame delay, make sure you resize your gif to the right tumblr sizes. i think the right sizes are 540px, 268px and then 170px, (i think -- fact check me pls) but i’m not sure bc now there’s apparently a new 8mb limit?? either way, just stick to those as your base! you can change your image size by going to IMAGE > IMAGE SIZE

change your dimensions to one of the three above (whichever you think looks the best) and make sure that your WIDTH AND HEIGHT ARE ALWAYS LINKED that way your gif won’t be stretched out like mine used to be

**NOTE: you can always use the CROP TOOL to crop down your gif so it’s focused on one thing in particular and then resize your image!

now let’s export our gif! you’re going to go to FILE > EXPORT > SAVE FOR WEB (LEGACY)

then you’ll get a screen that looks like this: 

make sure everything is as it looks above: the right size, the right speed, make sure the loop is FOREVER and then hit SAVE! save it to wherever you want on your computer and there you have it! you made a gif!

**NOTE: i always like to save my gifsets as drafts before posting them on tumblr just to make sure the gif works and the speed is how i wanted it to be. 

IF IT’S NOT WORKING/FREEZING: go back into photoshop and delete some frames. 

IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE SPEED: go back into photoshop and change the frame delay. then re-save!

but yay! you made a gif! if you made it through this whole thing, i appreciate you! i hope this long ass tutorial has been helpful to you lol and if you have any other questions or need help with anything else, PLEASE SEND ME AN ASK! i’m pretty self-taught in this whole thing, but i can try to help as best i can – we can figure it out together!

can’t wait to see what you come up with! love you all very much! happy giffing!  💫

[keeroo92]

Tumblr Tips You Probably Already Know

So I don’t know about you guys, but for me learning how tumblr works was a pain in the ass. I thought it might be handy to share a few tricks I’ve picked up the last few months for anyone who needs them. Bear in mind I’m still extremely new at this, and not all blogs would benefit from my amateur advice. I’m posting this just in case one of you guys are as frustrated and annoyed as I was at the beginning.

First - Adding a “Keep Reading” divider

Why to do it -  If you post a lot of longer stories, viewers will be forced to scroll through the entire post to see anything further on their feed. While this might seem like a good way to get people to read your work, it can become a hindrance if people don’t have the time to read and are forced to either suck it up and scroll, or unfollow you.

How to do it -

When you are preparing to post (Text post) just hit “Enter”. You should see a few icons on the right of where you’re currently typing, like this.

The icon on the far right will insert a divider that can be dragged to anywhere you like, and when you post it will create one of these -

Readers will need to click to view the full post. I don’t know if there’s a way to create these with any other type of post, but it’s something I learned after an Anon asked me to please use the tool. (Thank you Anon!!!)

My personal preference is to also list the word count above the cut off, so that my readers have a rough idea how much time they might need to finish reading. If you aren’t sure what your word count is, you can paste your work here and find out - https://wordcounter.net/

Some programs have something like this built in as well.

Timing your post

Why to do it - Like any site, tumblr has peaks and valleys of activity. I did a little bit of poking around and found that the most active time of day is between 4pm and 10pm Eastern. If you are trying to maximize the number of people who see your post, it may help to post during this window.

How to do it - I’m pretty terrible about dong this, but when you’re preparing a  post, you can schedule when it appears by clicking the drop down menu on the post button, here.

A small menu should open, like this.

The schedule can be annoying to work with, since it requires a specific format of date. Again, I suck at this, but I’ve noticed if it doesn’t like what I put in the post only refuses to submit.

The post will not even minimize, so you won’t lose your work. (I still recommend keeping a copy elsewhere just in case!!!) Here’s what it looks like -

This menu will also appear when you reblog a previous post, so you can schedule your reblogs with ease.

Opinions vary on whether reblogs actually do any good, but that’s for you to decide for yourselves. Both these scheduling features can be extremely helpful if you won’t be able to post for a few days (vacation, illness, etc.) but you don’t want your blog to stagnate.

Creating a Masterlist

Why to do it - Once you have a few pieces of writing posted, you want people to be able to find them, right? A Masterlist puts links to all your work in one place, like a Table of Contents. Someone just finding your blog can go through everything you’ve written to date and binge it all at once, or just a few to decide if they really want to follow you.

How to do it - Here’s a link to an in-depth tutorial. I’ll summarize below as well.

Start with a new text post. You’ll want to have an idea of how to organize your stuff in advance. I chose to do mine based off of the main pairing, but I’ve seen others go by the date of the post or type of post. You can do it however you like.

Next, list out everything you can think of. It’s fine if you don’t have a full list, you can always go back and add more later. Make sure you put everything in the right category.

Now the annoying part - linking! Every post you make has its own page, and you’ll need to copy the full URL. There’s a million ways to do it, but I just scrolled through my post history with a tag filter on and opened/copied each one in turn. It can be time consuming if you have a lot of posts, though.

Once you have the URL copied, find the line on your masterlist you want to use and highlight it.. Here’s an example.

Now, click on the little figure eight thing I circled. It’ll open a spot for you to paste the URL, like so.

Once it’s in there, click “Done” on the right side of the bubble to save the link. It’ll add a blue line under the text to show where people can click to follow the link. Repeat this until you’ve got each item linked up!

Go ahead and post it, and grab the URL for the masterlist itself. Navigate to your profile and click the little painter’s palette to edit your blog’s appearance. Mine is in the upper right corner, I don’t know if that’s standard.

On the left side of your screen, a new window should open where you can change all kinds of settings. Scroll down to find the custom link section. I’m not sure if every theme has this feature, so you may need to pick a new one to do this. Here’s what mine looks like.

Make whatever changes you like, but make sure you hit “Save” at the top of the window. You might want to check your profile to make sure it looks the way you want it to, but that should be all you need! Be sure to update your masterlist regularly. If you ever discover a line is missing the blue line underneath to show it’s a link, that likely means the link is broken. Generally, you can fix this by redoing the URL paste step above.

A few handy sites -

https://fanlore.org/wiki/Main_Page

If you feel a bit overwhelmed by the number of fannish words you aren’t familiar with, you can find most here. Great way to deepen your understanding and also make sure you’re tagging the right genre’s!

https://prowritingaid.com/en/Analysis/WebEditor/Go

This site is amazing. They have all kinds of editing tools, too many to list in one post. The main idea here is if you want to analyze your writing, this site does it for free. There’s a 500 word limit unless you want to spend a little money, but IMO it’s worth trying out. However, it can’t tell you your style or identify deliberate grammatical errors. Take it’s advice with a grain of salt, and don’t blindly do everything it says. You will lose what makes your writing unique if you do.

https://write-it-motherfuckers.tumblr.com/

HOLY PROMPTS, BATMAN!!! Seriously, this blog has so many amazing ideas it’s ridiculous. If you want to find a new plot or crazy AU, this WILL give you ideas!

https://writeordie.com/

A great tool for breaking through writer’s block! This site allows you to set a timer and word count, and program sounds to make should you reach/miss your goal. Not for everyone, but I like it for when I have tons of ideas but just can’t settle on one. Best part is it doesn’t delete your work after the time runs out, so you can copy it anywhere you like!

https://ao3commentoftheday.tumblr.com/

This blog is fantastic for any random questions you might have regarding fanfic. They answer things from how to write a chat fic, to how to write an ASL character, to where to find references on how to write a car chase. Truly amazing stuff!

And last lil thing - HAVE FUN!!!!

(Also, sorry if this whole post reads unkindly or in a condescending tone, that is NOT how I mean any of this! I’m not perfect and still have so much to learn, honestly just wanted to share on the off chance it’s useful to someone else.)

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep8: Magic Mai

So fun fact, I was out of town around this Thanksgiving and I grabbed a laptop from my Dad’s stack of machinery he’s sort of collected over the years and lo and behold--he put Linux on it.

Like I dunno if you all can relate to this problem, but everything he touches turns into Linux and he’s trying to live this Windows free/Mac free lifestyle, and I get it, I’m friends with so many vegetarians, but like I hate this laptop. I'm using Gimp to make these screenshots...So I can re-do them later in Photoshop because...it just doesn’t feel right to put Papyrus on this computer. It already has Linux. This poor machine has suffered enough. Long story short, this’ll be a small update because right clicking on linux is ass.

Also, because I was on a laptop and realized how small my blog is for the first time--I don’t have control over the size of pictures in text posts, tumblr does, and in this particular theme it’s not allowing me to change the size, and so do me a favor. Click ctrl and + at the same time a couple times (I’m assuming most of you are on firefox). There. the pictures are the right size now. If you hated that, you can click ctrl and - but like lets be real, my font is occasionally...tiny.

Anyway, we start discussing this episode on the confusing legs of the last one, where Mai is evil now, and it’s really not entirely clear if she’s possessed or if she’s just always been this way, or if she just FEELS like it.

And that’s all this episode is about, start to finish--is this Mai’s choice or was this not Mai’s choice? The answer is the same as it would be for a normal person: it’s complicated. Maybe it’s everybody’s choice. Maybe it was because no one did anything that Mai went completely haywire? Maybe it was because Mai hid how she was feeling so no one had any idea she needed help? Or, overall, maybe Mai is kind of a toxic person and wanted to be this way? Especially while she’s on children’s cartoon card drugs?

(read more under the cut)

So to start off, a weird thing happened at the beginning of this episode. After about 4 seasons, someone finally mentioned this:

How many seasons has Yugi been talking to himself? Like, out loud. In front of everyone and Kaiba? This whole time, right? Like Valon just dashed my headcanon where I figured Yugi was smart enough to think his thoughts instead of speak his thoughts. He’s just not that smart, unfortunately.

Meanwhile, Mai has managed to attract this other (teenager?) guy and like...to go worse than Joey so quickly is kind of shocking. Mai just seems embarrassed by the amount of very young boys in love with her. And she’s not even a cougar about it, she doesn’t really seem to want this to happen but it keeps on happening.

And although he is essentially the card form of a drug pusher, Valon has this soft spot for a girl I guess to give him some sort of redeemable flaw. However, she only wears tube tops and minis and spends like hundreds of dollars on her hair, so it doesn’t really make him seem any less shallow, tbh.

PS I’m surprised, that unlike all the other characters on Yugioh, I can’t just type in Valon’s name into Google and get his age and weight. No idea what his age is, and if you know, feel free to tell me but he just seems...exactly the same age as Joey. He seems very 17. Maybe it’s the obsession with motorcycles and children’s playing cards? Maybe it’s his big ol childlike eyes? He just seems young and niave like how a teenager who just fell in love with a very angry older woman would.

Joey tries to remind everyone, multiple times, that this game is the worst idea ever since it requires one of them to super die, but Mai is on card drugs so I don't know why they bothered. Also, why is Joey still surprised by this after 4 seasons of this?

Yo it’s S4 and Mai witnesses magic non-stop but still has basically no idea how it works. She really did say “I have no soul” and it was like...I’m 90% certain she literally thinks she has no soul right now. Which I guess, statistically speaking, is rare to actually have a still intact soul after hanging out with the main villain, with the way this show typically goes.

Meanwhile, last episode it really sounded like Duke Devlin was driving to Pegasus’ company building. It really sounded like he would have gone directly there, since Weevil and Rex told him that Yugi was going to Pegasus.

Remember that Duke Devlin works for Pegasus and probably has his own parking spot.

So where did he go instead?

You know how there’s only one gas station in the entirety of America?

I can’t believe it blew up.

Y’all what is the red splotch in the middle of the pile ps? That is legitimately a pile of blood, right? I didn’t shop that in. There’s just a red puddle in this kid’s show.

Y’all what is that? Like was there a scene with a red handkerchief that I missed? Is that a red handkerchief?

But to move past the mysterious pool of blood that confirms those bikers are so hella dead, I have no idea why Duke was here, I have no idea how he got the tip off that Yugi visited this place, but then he turned around and went back to SF so like...I guess he’ll arrive 3 days from now because again, they are in Arizona. They keep telling me this is right outside SF but like--Mesas. There’s Mesas.

And then this happened.

That one guy on the writing staff who just stans Seto Kaiba so hard got into the drawing room, I see.

PS someone had to pose for this shot for them to draw this shot from this angle.

Meanwhile, lets see why Mai turned evil. Ah, because it is Yugioh, the biggest reason is that she has no friends (probably because she’s got the most acidic personality known to man) and isn’t card popular enough and got super bitter and jealous.

Speaking as an artist who is online, I can understand the frustration here. Sometimes (99% of the time) you work really hard and no one cares and you get like 2 notes. And honestly, why should they? Like, why do you do it in the first place?

Mai echoes a lot of the issues of Seto last season, where she wants so badly to be the absolute best to prove herself to the ghosts of her past who really don’t care any more.

But, since Mai was in a coma when Seto got through all of that, I guess she never got the memo and still seems stuck on just wanting to be the best with no other reason than “to be the best” which again, sounds so much like art school problems. This is everyone who has ever had an interest in animation. We all go through that phase.

Generally we don’t take peoples souls as a reaction to that type of discouragement, but then Mai made sure to mention in almost a foot note that she did spend like an entire season and a half trapped in Marik's shadow realm. And that kind of effed her up in a really big way.

Thanks, Marik.

Really feels like Marik should be dealing with this problem--really feels like maybe Marik is the only person that we can actually point to and say “Oh yeah, that guy is to blame for Mai right now” And he is the only person that Mai does not actively go out and try to kill.

And I’ll have you know I just deleted like a 15 K word rant about the difference between character assassination and your character just--evolving into a jackass, and how it’s OK to have your character change into a jackass, especially after trauma. I felt this need to really have to defend this ancient writing technique that people have been using since about as long as stories have been around.

Then I remembered “Oh yeah, I’m just making this point because a few number of very loud idiots on the internet want to have very lukewarm hot-takes about popular characters solely because they enjoy baiting people on twitter into getting into week-long arguments that don’t go anywhere.” and I just...let it go. I let it just...go into the ether. Ah. The peace that comes when you already know you’re right.

But anyway, back to Yugioh, which thankfully doesn’t take a stance on this nuanced subject, and only presents this very serious problem without actually offering a solution (because there isn’t a one fit’s all solution to falling off the deep end and getting into drugs and murder), Mai decides to just go and blame this decision she made on anyone else. Because, why take responsibility for your actions, when you can pin it on people who were on the other side of the freakin planet when it happened?

Like, I just want to remind y’all that she was in ATLANTIS.

I wonder how good the cell reception is in ATLANTIS.

I just...Mai is like in her mid twenties maybe thirty’s. She’s so arbitrarily old that she plays Yugi’s Mom in the video game spinoff where they’re reincarnations of medieval times. That’s how old she is.

Imagine if you made some epically BAD decisions because you were jealous of some teenager’s success and didn’t want to be weak anymore, and then you confronted those teens, and said “This is all your fault.”

Imagine looking someone as dysfunctional as Joey Wheeler and telling him “You made me like this” because lollllllll

And I present this as a joke but like basically this happens all freakin time. We’ve all had a friend like Mai. Past tense of course, because it’s really hard to keep a friend like Mai for very long. (One of my friend’s who went Mai destroyed my apartment one summer and then literally blamed it on me for going to California for 2 months and leaving her unattended.) But like...don’t let Mai’s do it to you. They can get better, but only if it’s their choice, really. You can’t force them to save themselves.

But, as Mai was finally ready to give up cards and probably improve her quality of life by a huge degree, unfortunately, she got sucked right back into the trap.

Bro note: being a serial murderer cultist is basically working at McDonald's in this universe so maybe this wasn’t even that weird?

But that aside, this is alllllmost like a dark version of “Mai got into an abusive relationship to fill the void in her heart” except she’s not even really dating this guy? Like she hates this guy? He’s just kinda there?

Y’all I really can’t tell if Valon is in an abusive relationship with Mai who is using him for power or if she’s in an abusive relationship with him because he only wants her pretty face and wants to kill Joey because Joey liked her once--and maybe it’s both? Maybe both of these people are just...really bad for each other?

Overall Joey is kind of tossed into this not-a-love-triangle and I’m like

“Hey show? show? Am I supposed to....were any these people ever dating? Is there supposed to be an implied history? Am I supposed to get attached to this?” because I mean...the only character who was able to get some actual physical romance on this show was Pegasus when he macked the ghost of his dead wife because, again, Pegasus is the freakin king of this entire show. Of course HE can do it.

But have this show clarify what the hell is happening between Valon and Mai? I’m gonna take a bet that we will never get to see it beyond Valon being like “Ain’t she a beaut!” Like Steve Irwin talking to an alligator, and Mai just pretending he doesn’t exist. Yugioh romances are so completely one way every single time. If something more than that happens, I’ll be

shook.

Anyway, as all the children on the show keep repeating over and over again, they haven’t had any contact with Mai since she left the freakin country and they went back to High School.

And so someone threatens to kill himself, as is Yugioh tradition, and someone else barks at him to NOT kill himself, as is also tradition, and they decide to play real cards next episode.

This whole entire episode, PS, Joey went out of his way to just...not play cards. that was this whole episode. Way to draw out a card game over three episodes, I guess.

Anyway if you want to read these from the start you can do so by clicking the link here

[infinitylester]

GIF TUTORIAL

i’m finally getting around to giving the people what they want!! i hit 2.5k like 3 weeks ago and asked you guys what you would like me to do in honour of that...the resounding answer was ‘gif tutorial’ !!!! 

so!! in true dnp fashion i’m merely here to give the people what they want and the people have demanded a gif tutorial, so here it is!

we’ll be learning to how to create this gif right here!

please keep in mind that this is how i make gifs!! everyone does things slightly differently and what i say and do may not match up with other people or your own personal style and that’s okay! editing is all about creative freedoms and you may use this as a basic starter so that you can branch into your own thing or you might really like how i do things and use the same methods. point is, it’s perfectly okay either way!!

right so!! let’s get the basic bullshit out of the way! i use ps cs6 but it’s basically all the same, so this should work perfectly fine no matter what ps you use. 

1. we’re firstly going to choose our video to gif. for this tutorial, i’ve chosen pinof 10! pick a moment you like and get the timestamps from when the moment starts and finishes. i usually get a second before and a second after to make sure i’ve got it all!!

2. we’re now going to copy the url of the video and go to clip converter. clip  converter basically is going to give us an mp4 version of our little timestamps so that we can put them into photoshop and make gifs from them! paste the url of the vid into clip converter and press enter once. once you’ve done that follow my settings and press start

(of course you can name it whatever you want and put whatever timestamps you want in!!)

once it’s done converting, it’ll give you a download of your mp4 clip, which you’ll click! 

3. now open your photoshop. go to file, import, video frames to layers, like shown and select your video

once you’ve done that, put these settings in and trim the clip to your liking (the little black place holder things trim the clip!) 

4. okay so!! we now have our gif imported and open on photoshop! we have to make it much smaller because right now it’s like...huge (that’s what she said hehehe)

simply click on image at the top of your computer and press ‘image size’, like shown

then make your settings like shown

5. so that’s done!! now, we have to change the pace of our gif to be a bit slower. i make my gifs real slow apparently but,,,,,personal preference man. click on the first frame of your gif and then scroll to the end of the frames of your gif. hold the shift button and click the last frame. this will select all your frames. press the little arrow thingy near the time of the frames. this will allow you to change the pace of your gif. press other and change the timing of the gif to whatever you want! i make my gifs like 0.07 normally but for this gif, i made it 0.09 because they’re moving so fast and it was giving me whiplash. anything under 0.1 is great!!

6. cropping time! you don’t have to crop your gif if you’d like, but mine is a little big for me, so i’m going to and show you how to do that! so basically press the cropping tool and put in the measurements you’d like, as i’ve done.

7. now we’re ready to convert our gif to the timeline method! select all your frames again, like before, as well as your layers. selecting your layers is the same as selecting your frames, so nothing new there, don’t worry! once everything is selected, press this lil guy.

once our gif is in the timeline method, right click your layers that should all be selected and turn them into a smart object, as shown!

8. righty-o! we’ve done all the boring, dumb shit! time to use an action to make our gif look a little nicer and sharper! i really can’t be assed showing you how to use an action in here because i suck and this is long as fuck as it is but!! i am nice enough to link you to a basic tutorial on how to use actions and how to download them! you can find that here! right so, i use a certain action on all my gifs and then edit it slightly, which i’ll show you! you can find a download for the action i use here !!! 

i play that action and now my gif looks much nicer! however, it’s not quite the way i like it, so i push the gaussian blur layer to the bottom and i adjust the strength of it to this!

9. i lied. now we’re up to the fun part!! colouring!! colouring is my best friend and i love her dearly!! technically you could stop now and save your gif and be done but....that’s boring as fuck!

right so, colouring really, truly is your own preference, loves. you can do whatever you like, you do NOT have to follow what i put here. this is simply the colouring i chose for this gif. i do literally whatever i feel like every time i make a gif, so it’s forever changing!

i gave a bit of thought to what kind of colouring i’d do in this tutorial. did i want to do something extra basic and like...no colour changing? did i want to do something wildly vibrant? and then i decided not to do either of those things! so today, i’m going to teach you how to create a soft, almost pastel blue/purple colouring for the ap room *cough* set *cough*!! 

firstly, here is the adjustment panel where all the tools you need for colouring reside !!

we’re firstly going to start with the boring crap,,,,,so i lied again....oops. firstly, we’re going to adjust the brightness, the levels and the curves. here are my setting for each, if you’d like to copy them!

here’s how the gif looks without all our colour layers!

10. and now all that crap is done, i promise it’s actually the fun stuff!! selective colour is where all the magic happens! i sometimes do two, three or even four selective colour layers, depending on just how heavy the colour changing is going to be in my gifs, as well as using hue/saturation, colour balance and gradient maps!!

firstly, we’ll start off with our first selective colour layer! here are my settings for it (sorry for all the pics rip)

once you’ve got all those sorted, onto a hue/saturation layer! this basically drastically changes the colours, if you’d like it to but it’s not quite as accurate or smooth as a selective colour layer, so i only really use it for small things or if the colour i’d like can be acchieved nicely with it. i didn’t change anything in the master setting, but here are my settings for the things i did change!

aaaaaaaand now we do another selective colour layer! i’ll just show you the layers i did change...everything else, leave as is!!

11. next is a few gradient maps and a layer of vibrance!! i promise, we’re almost done!! i add a bunch of probably unnecessary bullshit to my gifs but i like how it looks with all the extra stuff so!!! yeah!! make your first gradient map black and white, as shown and set the opacity to 10%

next step is to create a vibrance layer! when making a bright, colourful gif, i use about two or three vibrancy layers. i never EVER adjust the saturation, only the vibrancy. adjusting the saturation makes everything too heavy and it just looks kinda icky to me. the first layer, i normaly adjust the vibrancy to 100% and the rest being between like 20-50%, depending. i just thought i’d tell you guys because that’s vital if you’re making bright gifs! 

we however are not, so i only adjusted the vibrancy to +14%, leaving the saturation alone....nasty saturation !!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaand finally, we are up to our last adjustment layer!! it is yet another gradient map oops. this gradient map is a light golden colour and i downloaded it in a pack somewhere ages ago. i do not remember where and i know that photoshop’s default gradient maps don’t have something like it so if you’d like, you can definitely just skip this last layer!! it’s not vital, i just think it gives the gif a nice touch! 

for reference, the gradient map looks like this and i set it to 6% opacity!

12. that’s it!! the gif is complete! go to file, save for web and press on that! you might have to wait a little bit for it to load...photoshop is a really shit program sometimes, guys. once it loads you’ll see all these confusing settings. simply copy what i have here!

this is also the moment i realise my gif is over 3mb and go to fucking smack my head against a desk. tumblr basically has a thing against gif makers and will NOT allow gifs over 3mb to play once posted. this can be fixed though! i’ll show you how to shorten a gif right now because well...if you followed this tutorial, you’re stuck in the same boat as me and need to know how to fix it!!

so basically save your gif as is right now! now, we’re going to open the gif we just saved into photoshop. go to file, open and select your gif. it’ll open as a frame animation which is perfect! now, delete whatever frames from the start and end that you think you can live without. never delete frames from the middle because that’ll just disrupt the gif altogether. the less frames, the better!!

i got my gif down to 40 frames by deleting the first 15 frames of the gif and the last like 6 or so. now go back to ‘save for web’ and save this shorter gif as a whole new gif! this should be under 3mb. if it is not, go cancel the save and delete some more frames!

once that’s done....you’re done!!! congratulations!! you’ve made your very first gif, my dear!!!! here’s the finished labour of your hard work!! 

i hope i wasn’t too confusing and i hope you now have a sound understanding of how to make a gif! if you’d like me to make another tutorial on something specific related to gifmaking or even to do with edits and edit-making, just send me an ask and i’ll see what i can do for you! happy giffing, loves!!

[izzy-b-hands]

20-30!

Thank you so much for asking!!!!

20. Favorite character to write?

Already answered, but I don’t mind re-answering cuz I thought maybe I’d narrow my three way tie, but alas, no lol. Still a tie between Ahkmenrah, Snafu, and Skwisgaar.

21. Least favorite character to write? 

Ooh-tbh, Larry from NATM just because I feel like I always make him an asshole? Like, I haven’t published all my fic ideas for NATM because I keep making him really mean? And in some it works but in others I’m like ‘jesus chill Lee he’s just a Dude trying his best’ but also at the same time I feel the way Stiller played him and his character arc means he’s got some major ego to him as the films go on? Idk that isn’t a hot take or anything just me being frustrated with Ben Stiller lol

22. Favorite story you’ve ever written? 

Hard choice, because I love all my kids, but I cried after writing this one lol: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

It hit some personal stuff for me, so to be able to have it work organically in a fic so I could also like, mini therapy session myself? Cool af. Also, ppl seemed to like this a lot too, and while that validation isn’t the only reason I write, it’s always cool when my writing makes ppl happy. 

23. Least favorite story you’ve ever written? 

I don’t really have a least favorite, but I do have some I’m more frustrated with, due to how long they took me to write, etc. Currently? The answer to this is my Mark the Date series because A. it is taking me a day and an age to finish it and B. I feel like it kinda flopped, so it’s hard to pull up any energy to finish it, but like...I may as well now lol. I’ll get it done eventually.

24. Favorite scene you’ve written? 

Oh god tbh I have too many I love just cuz like

I can go back to how I felt writing them and yeah

But as of most recent fics, I really this bit: 

-Snafu patted the blanket near his head, and waited for Eugene to put out his pipe and lay back beside him before snuggling close to him. “You could be right. Could be God. Could just be love.” “How’s that?” “I think love has its own way. Even before you meet someone, even before you know you’re fallin’ for ‘em. Love’s just…out there, like the air or somethin’. Finds you when the time is right, and finds who you click with. You gotta do the rest, the stayin’ in love part, but that bringing together, that first spark…that’s love just existing, and doin’ what it needs to so the world keeps spinnin’, so people make it through tough shit,” Snafu replied. “I like that,” Eugene said. “Think love did a good job with us. Makin’ sure we found each other.” Snafu pressed a kiss softly to the corner of Eugene’s mouth. “Sure did. Wouldn’t ever want to be with anyone else. I don’t even know what that looks like, and I don’t want to.” “Same here,” Eugene’s mouth was warm as he kissed him back. “Here’s to love for making sure you found me.” -

from this fic: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186926226531/absolution-is-the-taste-of-your-lips

Because I’m sappy af more than I let on, and also this was a chance to like, write out my own feelings via Snafu. And that was a pretty cool and fulfilling thing for me, ya know? 

25. Favorite line you’ve ever written? 

oh god this is another hard one to narrow down but

I always come back to this line and go ‘oh shit did I really write that. Nah, someone better than me at this had to have. They briefly possessed me or something”:  

-Music and talking and shouting and footsteps collide kaleidoscopic in his ears, but none bearing the one sound that he’d run to if he heard it.-

from this fic, mentioned twice now in this post lol: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

I really love alliteration, and for me this line just sums up how it feels to walk thru a city when you aren’t just wandering really, but are looking or waiting for someone, and have that awful yet sometimes good feeling of expecting to hear or see them but it feels like you’re waiting or searching forever and in the meantime the city just lives on around you, a stopped platelet stuck in a vein full of vitality. Like, idk if it hit any of my readers that way, but that’s what I was trying to get across lol, so the line always hits me hard in a good way when I scroll thru my writing tag and see it. 

26. Story you’re most proud of? 

Gosh

I gotta choose just one kid for this aldsfkja I’m bad at choosing I love my gaggle of ragtag goofballs. I have an original piece I’d choose for this, but I’ve never posted it on here, so I’m gonna choose out of my fanfic on here instead.

One I am really proud of is this one: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

and I know it’s the third time it’s been part of an answer on here but

I really love this one idk. Thinking back to how I felt while writing it, how it all flowed in a certain way. The whole experience was just something else, and I’m proud of this one in a certain way I find myself, funnily enough, unable to describe. 

27. Best review you ever got? 

Okay this sounds cheesy but like

I really do love and appreciate every review or review-like thing I’ve ever gotten so I can’t choose just one for this

Like, y’all gotta understand, I’ve deleted some of it and erased traces of it from my blog, but I’ve written for years on here, I have some stuff on my ao3, and for the longest time I got nothing back, or very nearly nothing. Maybe a few likes, but no comments and not much else. I always just rolled with it and assumed I just wasn’t writing anything good enough to inspire reviews. Idk if that’s true or not, but in any case it means I cherish every comment, like, reblog, and anything review-like in nature because I’m so grateful to have it now, and I know it could well be pure luck that I stumbled up on a really supportive bunch of fandoms with great readers. 

In other words, thank y’all for every kind word and like and reblog and also I may be an immortal feeding off of validation of my art, but we’ll see on that last bit, because I haven’t tested it. 

28. Worst review you ever got?

One from middle school. I’d just finished my very first novel, gave it to a friend to read, and he said it ‘smacked of being too fanciful and childish, something only kids and women would read’ (it was a YA fantasy novel so I mean... what exactly he expected, idk cuz he knew what it was before I gave it to him, like it’s supposed to have those elements as a lot of these sorts of novels/stories do, and that isn’t a bad thing about them at all, so like...what his damage was idek.)

Also this is the same dude who texts me randomly and is really weird abt his friendship with me and happens to be an English teacher now (RIP to his students.) 

Anyway, after he said that I tossed a review right back, because well, middle school and also I was very upset with him because I’d not asked for anything other than a general ‘if you picked this up randomly and started it, would it suck you in enough to keep reading or would you put it down’ like that was literally all I needed him to answer for me. So I told him his latest novel (his second at that point) was essentially just him masturbating to his own opinions (because he’s an arguer, who loves to tell ppl they’re always wrong, and that’s by his own admission) for one hundred pages, and not in a way that anyone else would care to read. He was pissed, but so was I. We didn’t talk for a good week, and we had almost all our classes together lol. 

Like, getting nothing back in review sucks too, but this one has stuck with me forever. Best part? I mentioned it to him a few years back, and he only vaguely remembered it, and followed it with “but I’ve said a lot of rough stuff about your work. I mean, it deserved it at the time, but you might be good at this someday!” 

I didn’t smack him, but I really, really wanted to. 

29. Favorite story/poem of another author

This doesn’t specify on Tumblr or not, so I’ve got two: one from outside tumblr, and one from on here.

A. When I have Fears That I May Cease to Be by John Keats

When I have fears that I may cease to be   Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,Before high-pilèd books, in charactery,   Hold like rich garners the full ripened grain;When I behold, upon the night’s starred face,   Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,And think that I may never live to trace   Their shadows with the magic hand of chance;And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,   That I shall never look upon thee more,Never have relish in the faery power   Of unreflecting love—then on the shoreOf the wide world I stand alone, and thinkTill love and fame to nothingness do sink.

B. Again, this Tumblr one could be a huge ass list because y’all on here are amazing, but one I’ve been rereading over and over again recently is @xmxisxforxmaybe ‘s Remnants series, which can be found here: https://xmxisxforxmaybe.tumblr.com/post/186702235396/remnants-complete-work

Like, Ahk as a character is captured so well, and I love the way the plot twines and also when the smut comes up? Very good A+ smut, something I value pretty highly on and off Tumblr because man, sometimes smut is just work to write, so I appreciate it when it’s really good. All around, this series has captured my heart and I legit have a link to it saved on multiple devices so if I need something to read, I can just pull it up right away. 

30. Hardest part of writing? 

Self-doubt. It’s the biggest hurdle for any artist, regardless of the art in question I think, but with writing it seems to double down a lot. Like, you have to really get out of your own head, even as you spend all your time there with your writing ideas. Shit gets weird and twisted, man. 

For the longest time, I really let self-doubt defeat me too, and I regret the time I lost to that. I still get hit with it randomly, cause I don’t think it every really goes away for any writer, not even the big names like Stephen King or Neil Gaiman (who I’m half tempted to @ on here purely because I wanna know his feelings on this stuff because I respect and admire him as an artist and his thoughts very much, but also he’s a very busy man so I’m not gonna bug him by doing that lol.) 

All there is to do is to work with it, push past it, and most importantly keep writing. I have days where that feels like the hardest thing, but each day I manage to get past it and get the words down? I let myself feel proud of that, and mark it as an achievement in my Big Book of Stuff I’ve Done in This Life. 

[lotusunset]

Fanfic Writer Ask meme

Tagged by @maze-zen

Author’s Name: Emma, or Lotusunset on ff.net

Fandoms you write for: Phantom of the Opera, Avatar: The Last Airbender, the Whedonverse...that should cover everything I’ve dabbled in for the last 15 years or so, ha.

Where you post: Tumblr and ff.net.  One day my cantankerous old butt will dive into Ao3

Most popular one-shot: WELL.  Uh.  Considering I have deleted the sad, sorry evidence of all the PotO one-shots I had written at age 14, I can’t prove this anymore but I had one that had 50+ reviews on it.  It was stupid, cheesy, E/C fluff.  I vaguely remember a big name fan at the time putting it on their reclist and it blowing up.

Of my one shots that have not been lost to time, probably one of my many, many ancient A:tla ones.

Most popular multi-chapter story: By far, Paint, my Sokka/Azula story.  With 245 reviews and 292 favorites.  I still get reviews begging me to finish it.  I’ve been working on it for 10+ years now.  I do, fully plan on completing it.  I gotta rewatch the whole series for that though, and I just haven’t been in the mood for it.

Favorite story you wrote: Death is the Maiden, for sure.  A lot of this story is very near and dear to my heart because many of the ideas for it were knocking around in my brain back during my first foray into PotO fanfics.  I actually tried to start a similar fic twice before giving up completely because I just couldn’t make all the elements mesh together right back then.

Story you were nervous to post: ALL OF THEM.  I am perpetual ball of anxiety.  Some specifics though, I was originally nervous to start posting Paint because at the time, it was for a rather unpopular, tiny ship in the fandom that was frequently the target of ship discourse.  A lot of people liked to bash it or discredit it and I set out to prove them all wrong.

For Death is the Maiden, see the previous answer, ahaha.  This shit has been brewing in my head for a long ass time.  Also, writing a normal faced Erik is a tiny bit nerve wrecking.  Erik is a hard character to write in general but taking his uggo away from him makes it that much more difficult.  

How do you choose your titles? I hate choosing titles.  Haaaaaaate it.  I usually use something silly while I’m working on it and then pull something out of my butt right at the last second before posting it.  It’s incredibly rare for me to actually come up with a good title from the get go.  I improvise and hope for the best.  I am forever envious of people that even come up with cool chapter titles.

Do you outline? Obsessively so.  Do I always follow it exactly as I’m going?  Of course not.  I change things around a lot as I move along through a story but I like having them to fall back on.  I used to not use outlines at all but then I kept going through periods of not writing at all.  By the time I felt like writing a story again, I had totally forgotten where I was going with a plot.  With an outline, I can figure out what I was thinking enough to continue.  Death is a Maiden has an outline that’s about 17 pages long. 

How many of your stories are…

*complete? uhhh 5?  More if you count the 20k+ words I’ve written for fics that literally one person in the world understands.  Lookin at you, @mj-magpies-daydreams 

*in-progress? 2?  

Coming soon: Chapter 3 of Death is the Maiden.  Being the first Christine chapter, it’s been a blast to work on.

Do you accept prompts? Not really.  Wish I could, but they always make me feel obligated to do something and then it’s not as fun anymore.  But I do love brainstorming complicated plots with people!

Upcoming story you are most excited to write: An afterlife AU that will be dark and twisted.  Will probably start working on that when I need a break from Death is the Maiden.  I gotta figure out how to stitch all the ideas together.

Tag five authors to answer these questions as well: These memes always die with me because I’m a hermit that doesn’t come out of her cave to actually talk to people much.