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i-will-physically-fight-you · 1 year ago

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Hey, I would love to hear about thoughts on heard no more :)

Specifically, when the 'light sides' each make an offer to Virgil to go do something. Roman to his mother's garden, Patton to steal cookies, and finally Logan to the library to choose a book. (If you need to separate this, or jut want to focus on one, that's OK too <3)

Ehh, I'll just keep writing and if it ends up an essay-long post, so be it.

I think I've mentioned it before but in the original draft all of that was essentially one paragraph:

They take him places around the castle. Patton takes him to the kitchen to “steal” cookies. Logan takes him to the library and lets him pick out a book to read. Roman takes him out to the gardens, among the roses.

Keep in mind I wrote this paragraph in late 2018. Lemme tell you a Problem that occurs as a writer is the more you write, the more you will learn that your 2k chapters are now 10k chapters due to a better capability of establishing and building upon plot points.

When I reread this for my revision, I said to myself "I will be Normal about this and I will expand on all of these incidents and all of this will be shorter than 6k :)" like a liar.

So essentially each of the Light Sides are trying to give a helping hand to Virgil and show him that this he is now in a safe environment to various levels of success. I’ll cover each of them in their own section, starting off with Roman.

Roman:

Ok, so there's a lot of foreshadowing and set-up occurring in this section that I'm not sure I want to really express it up front. But the key things I wanted to accomplish in this section was:

He picks up his quill and begins to weave a set of curvy lines across the page. He attaches little circles to the ends of them, crowned with a series of ovals. He blinks, looks back a bit and suddenly it isn’t a nonsensical, abstract piece. Daisies. It’s a drawing of daisies. <- Despite Virgil's earlier claim at the beginning of this section, what he draws in the journal does have meaning

Delve into a few flashbacks to slowly build up to some relevant plot points later into the fic

Particularly this is the first instance of Virgil's and Roman's dialogue only flashbacks which will continue occurring for the rest of the fic

One flashback is Virgil's and Patton's illusion conversation which addresses Virgil's mindset regarding what he thinks is occurring

Roman takes his hand to which Virgil does not react. Which is a lie, as his breath hitches slightly, his body wanting to tense up in preparation for the hurt. <- This moment establishes that Virgil heavily associates physical touch with physical harm

Virgil tells himself he only gives in to Roman's request because he wants to see if the Illusion holds up but there's much more to that than he'll acknowledge to himself

Elaborate on Roman's mother (something that wasnt addressed until the very end of the original draft)

Show how Roman is acting "off" and therefore is fake (he is just freaking sad and concerned about you Virgil)

The moon is out tonight. Big, bright, and full—surreal in its’ serenity <- Obligatory moon prose because I really cant stop waxing poetry about the moon in my writing

Roman chooses to offer Virgil an opportunity to visit the gardens because it's a place he himself finds solace in and he hopes the same for Virgil.

Patton:

Ok, fun story, Virgil was SUPPOSED to get cookies and we were supposed to learn more about their shared backstory but then somehow we ended up w/ Virgil having a panic attack so. yeah.

As this fic has progressed, I noticed I ended up with a "hand reaching out" motif in this fic, symbolic of characters making an offer to Virgil in some way. First we see it with Roman and his request to see the gardens while offering his hand out for support, now we see it with Patton.

Except Virgil's mind associates Patton's offer with Silver Gauntlet, which is a character in his backstory that also operated as a mentor figure (albeit a very bad one) & His Eminence's ploys as Patton has not helped matters

Patton’s hands snatch upwards, encircling Virgil’s throat. “Is this better?” He asks, as Virgil grasps for breath, “will you obey your dear mentor now?” A hand hovers towards him. “Virgil, breathe.” Breathe? Is His Eminence mocking him? How can he breathe with His hands strangling his throat?

I made this purposefully confusing due to Virgil's pov, but just so we're clear, Virgil is the one currently trying to strangle himself, not Patton.

“I’m sorry,” He says, “I’d thought you might like to get a change of scenery; I didn’t mean to upset you.” Virgil stares at him. Patton is not talking about the strangling. He is talking about…the cookies. Snickerdoodles. Patton asked if he wanted to steal snickerdoodles from the castle’s larder. Then he asked for Virgil to speak and then strangled him when he didn’t. But wait, no, that isn’t right. The latter had been in the cell, the former in the Prince’s Quarters. “The more elaborate an illusion is, the harder it is for the mage to cast.” Patton’s words echo through his brain. Virgil’s lips twitch upwards. He knew it—he’d found a true breach in His Eminence’s illusions. Even His Eminence couldn’t make an illusion last forever. Something stirs in his chest. It isn’t the warmth of the Ether. It is a slick and oily sensation that coils around his rib cage. His Eminence thinks he can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Unfortunately, for Him, Virgil isn’t a fly; he is a spider. Honey or vinegar will never be enough to entice him. A spider creates a web and waits. They wait and wait until the fly gets caught in the web. Then they feast. Sometimes the fly never comes. Sometimes the Spider will die waiting. But at least the Spider isn’t the one that gets tricked into their demise like a fly.

Despite this not going the way I wanted it to go, Virgil having this realization that he found a "crack" in His Eminence's illusion and how this is invigorating him to continue onwards shows a glimpse of how Virgil has managed to survive those months in that cell as well as showing how Virgil viewing everything from this narrow lens impacts his perspective of what is happening & I think strengthened the story for the better. I also really love the spider metaphor I created for this part.

He draws repetitions of smooth, crisp ovals. A shape that holds no meaning, not even to himself.

I'm here to inform you that Virgil is lying and those ovals represent cookies.

Patton offers Virgil an opportunity to do something lighthearted and silly to help keep his mind off things. This is now the second time he has accidentally triggered Virgil without knowing how or why.

Honestly, there a lot going on this section that like. If you sent me like a single paragraph from Patton’s section and asked me to elaborate, I could write an essay on it.

Logan:

We open this section learning that Virgil is apparently having a lot of dreamless sleeps, hmm suspicious, that probably means nothing.

Rather, no matter what forms He takes, He insists Virgil eats something, even if it just a few bites. ...It is a strange reversal that makes Virgil sick to his stomach more than anything else. Several times he has actually retched up the contents of his last meal. His Eminence never berates him for wasting perfectly good food. He doesn’t even force him to try and consume his own vomit as a punishment. Rather He offers nothing but gentle, cloying words, reassuring him that he did no wrong for being unable to hold down his food. “It is natural,” He says in Logan’s voice, as He cleaned up Virgil’s own mess, “for someone in your state to have these issues. Your body is relearning what it is like to have a stable supply of food.”

I didn't touch in the original draft the specifics of Virgil recovering from starvation so I wanted to address it more in this revision. In Patton's section we introduced Virgil's aversions to food so this section is building upon on that plot point and continuing it further with Logan encouraging Virgil to rebuild his strength to walk again.

Of course, Virgil can't help but think this is a ploy to rebuild up his strength only to tear it back down at a later date.

“My mother,” A pitiful child warbles, “I want to avenge my mother.” “Oh?” The gold gauntlet takes hold of his hand, “A noble sentiment for a shadow such as yourself. Do well in my service and I will grant this desire of yours.” Virgil should’ve yanked his hand away. Why can’t he yank his hand away? “Virgil, may I hold your hand?” A blurry hand reaches towards him, unadorned with any gold gauntlet. A hand unblemished from manual labor like that of a Noble. A hand too similar to others offered up to him time and time again. A hand that promises comfort and security and vengeance yet holds all of that at an arms-length. Close enough for Virgil to think he could have it all if only he reached far enough to grasp it. They say madness is attempting the same method time and time again and expecting different results. That’s not the entire truth. What His Eminence knows is that you repeat the same method time and time again until an individual delves into madness from the inanity, resulting in the desired outcome. With a wheezing breath, Virgil chooses to grasp this hand. Not because he expects anything different, but to make His Eminence believes he does.

This is where I chose to blatantly address the hand reaching out motif. Note the contrasting difference between the flashback and Logan patiently asking if he can hold Virgil’s hand. This also serves to establish the fact that Virgil has for a majority of his life been repeatedly offered a “helping hand” at the cost of Virgil being forcibly subservient to that “helping hand.”

Only when he became Patton’s apprentice for that brief period of his life was he in a healthy environment that allowed him to be his own person while being able to lean on others for support without any strings attached.

Due to this past trauma, His Eminence’s actions have caused him to regress a bit to this past mindset of feeling powerless and helpless to fight back other than “dutifully” following along while thinking of ways to subtly rebel without receiving harsh consequences.

This is why he reacts so harshly to Patton’s presence. As for Roman, it comes more from a place of guilt than past trauma.

Logan’s section is also to establish a new normalcy for Virgil while allowing a brief timeskip so we can progress to more interesting plot points.

But why Logan over Patton and Roman? It is not as if Virgil has not shown vulnerabilities in front of the others. If anything, he has shown a higher degree. Is it yet another way of luring Virgil into a false sense of security? ... Then again, His Eminence has always struggled the most at capturing even the slightest essence of Logan.

Virgil is unable to consider the idea that the others noticed Logan is less triggering to Virgil and they might be trying to avoid giving him unneeded emotional duress by limiting their interactions with him.

Unlike Roman and Patton, Logan is also treating Virgil more or less the same way he did prior to Virgil getting captured by His Eminence aside from his brief slips of unrestrained emotions that are "uncharacteristic" of him. Logan offers Virgil an opportunity to visit the library because it was a former pastime for the two silently hang out in the library together.

Honestly with the last bit with the library, I planned on elaborating more on the ending (and thus the overall conclusion) and I may still do this, but as it is I think it is fine.

#kat answers #btpomt au #heard no more

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mochalottie · 1 year ago

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@cybervenom2077-blog asked:

Really hope I'm posting in the right place (I very rarely use Tumblr)

First, let me slightly gush. Rarely do I ever see a writer use a character(s) better than the original author. But that is what you have done here, the characters feel more in-depth and more complex than they do in the movie.

Excellent Job. With that being said; How do you go about choosing when to follow what happens in the movie and coming up with your own moments?

First off, bestie, definitely the right place to post this! Secondly, TTT___TTT you're making me tear up and blush thank you!!! that is honestly the best compliment you could ever give me because a character's voice is such a big focus and slight sticking point of mine they have to be absolutely right or else it doesn't work.

And thirdly in regards to your question, in my mind ftnadol is different to the main plot of the original film because it is what my mind essentially thought the Way of Water was going to be, if that makes sense.

I thought Quaritch would be meaner, harsher, crueler because you're putting a trigger happy soldier into a body that can live on Pandora properly how is that not the most dangerous thing they could do? But no, they made him a bit intimidating and a bastard at the end but that was it. And when did he ever want to one up Jake? He's a Colonel you can't get more one up than that.

Also, I didn't think they'd go down the Spider and Quaritch route, but the way I'm handling it in ftnadol is how I thought Cameron would if he did do that route. Because there's no way a kid raised in the Omatikaya clan's radar would let this man be nice to him. No sir.

In terms of showing what happens in the movie and my own moments, I always think that a scene has to have purpose. If it doesn't then it's left out. So showing the arrival in Awa'atlu is important because you guys need to know that the Metkayina don't know what Spider looks like. The training scene in the most recent chapter is key because we needed to touch on how Lo'ak's doing about Spider's absence, and also set up the plot for the next chapter (wink wink).

In this sense, some scenes from the film work to that advantage so I include them, but with a twist. Because as a writer and a reader, I'm not a big fan of just reading transcripts of scenes from books or films. And writing them from a different POV gives me a chance to explore what that character was thinking at the time.

I hope this answers your question! <3

#lottie answers asks #lottie does a q & a

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mollybecameanengineer · 2 years ago

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✨🌻💝 for the fic writer ask :)

Thanks for the ask, @lilolilyr! Here is the orignal post.

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

I have two answers for this. (As you all probably noticed) I've recently become fixated on the X-Files, but before that it was Star Trek: Voyager, so most of my fic is for that show. But I'll give one from each, because it's hard for me to consolidate the two. I was in a very different mental space writing Voyager (circa 2015-2017) than I am today.

For The X-Files: Keys,Wallet, Phone. It's the first one I wrote for this fandom, and it's very different than anything I'd written before. One of the asks on here was 'which fic would you like to be a podfic?' and this one would be my answer as well. It has a lyrical quality that I really like and I think would be great read aloud.

For Voyager: My baby, The Lament of a Daughter. This is all B'Elanna backstory... the culminations of years and years of thinking about this character. This, and The Sea of Gatan are probably some of the best things I ever wrote.

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

What makes me give up? Two things: anxiety and lack of head space.

For the anxiety bit, this is why I stopped writing in 2017. Trying to improve and what not was just driving me insane. This is also why, despite the fact I want to, I'll likely not participate in exchanges. When the prompt is right, it's magic. But man, it can really get to me if I can't think of anything. So this time around I've been posting things unbetaed (which likely leads to way more typos, sorry) but this has really been a path back to joy for me. Just write and release.

On lack of head space: I have a job that could consume every moment of my life if I let it. I have an idea for an original novel, which I started writing, but I found my mind was always preoccupied with it, and I wasn't thinking about my research (and therefore not making progress.) So, I don't really know what to do about that. The problem is less one of time, and more about have to pick and choose what I think about. (Which might be a weird problem to have.) It seems to work better for me to write short things to get the idea out of my head, and then move on. I am looking forward to a stage in my life where this won’t be an issue anymore.

Moving on to what makes me keep going: it’s fun (if I'm not busy being my own worse enemy). I like getting my thoughts out of my head and I like the reaction others have to those thoughts. Most of my stories are about something that is going on in my life, so it’s cathartic (or amusing, depending on what it is) to put OTP of the week in those situations. Sometimes I wonder if I could write professionally, but I do that would remove the fun and the joy. I do like my job, but there are for sure times that are NOT joyful.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Well, I didn't expect people to like Qualifying Life Events this much! I wrote it in like an hour on Monday when the internet went out, so I couldn't do work. (Well, really, I should have been reviewing papers, which were saved on my computer, but see above comment on not concentrating on work so well these days.) In general, all the pieces I’ve quickly written and posted have been way more enjoyed than I expected. They tend to be silly little things (ex: The Case of the Nip Slip, The Joy of Cooking, and the above-mentioned Qualifying Life Events). I have other pieces that took way more effort, but they are just as enjoyed as the short silly ones. So, I think it’s been freeing to break the association of my effort to other people’s enjoyment (which is probably a capitalistic way of looking at things, anyway).

(Aside: for some reason, the tumblr editor isn’t spell checking, which is a huge issue for me. So I had to write this elsewhere and paste it in and Tumblr was being a dick… Why is this editor so bad?)

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justagingerwithredhair · 1 year ago

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1. My favorite traveler is Temenos! I initially chose him first because of the advertised mystery plot (and I love me a good mystery), but his sassy personality and off the charts bastardom levels were a delight to have as well. His story is also thrilling with captivating twists and turns. I didn't mind the culprit being a bit obvious so long as the story is still engaging.

2. How dare you make me choose just one! I love so many!!! I suppose if I can only choose one, I'll say Clarissa! I think she plays an invaluable part in getting through Osvald's walls and showing the player that his revenge, while justified, is blinding. She's clearly upset with Ethan's fate but she, unlike Osvald, has learned to move on and encourages Osvald to start healing as well.

3. My absolute favorite chapter has got to be Agnea chapter 5. Everything from the setting, the stakes, the characters, and the boss battle all just put a huge smile on my face! Her story is one the last I finished and let me tell you, it was a breath of fresh air after stories like Osvald's, Temenos's, Thronè's, Castti's... you get the idea...

4. My favorite overall path is Temenos's due to my previously stated love for mystery plots.

5. My favorite boss fight is Trousseau's. With Castti's memory restored, the stakes so incredibly high, and the mechanics of the boss putting a time limit on the battle, it all concocted the perfect storm for an unforgettable finale!

6. My favorite optional dungeon is the House Wellows Manor. It's a decrepit haunted mansion with spooky yet mysterious lore. What else can I say to make you fall in love?

7. My favorite default job is the Scholar. Why? Spells. I love me some spells. Some arcane arts. Some witchcraft. Some magics. Hee hee

8. My favorite secret job is the Inventor! (though they are all great and fun)

9. Meta wise, Arcanist Partitio is my favorite because of the Seal of Diffusion + Sidestep combo. But overall, Scholar Temenos is not only a great healer and damage dealer but he also look so dapper! I love his leather peacoat look. I want it. Give it to me.

10. My favorite town is Montwise. An autumnal university town with a giant library and beautiful music? I think I found heaven.

11. My favorite side quest is "A Mysterious Box." It's tied to the House Wellows Manor and despite it's eerie nature, its conclusion is quite heartwarming!

12. My favorite travel banter has got to be "Cleaning Up" with Castti and Thronè.

13. ALL OF IT! ALL OF THE SOUNDTRACK IS GOOD! But some of my favorites are Main Theme (Night), Temenos the Cleric, Doubt Is What I Do, Toto'haha (Night), Empty Memories, Miscreants Melody, Home of Wisdom and Arts, Flamechurch, Sacred Light (Day & Night), every "In Pursuit of (x)" theme and The Journey for (x) Ends theme, Song of Hope, Gil on the Keys, Dark Night, Invitation to Darkness, and Dear Travelers.

14. I chose Mahina but I wish I had picked Akala because it woulf have fit my build better. (sorry Mahaina!) (I still love you <3)

15. I chose the blue paint with the unicorn ornament!

16. Three words: 👏Deal👏More👏Damage👏

17. Temenos and Throné have all of the best friends energy

18. Ochette is NOT 20! She is 12 and NOTHING will convince me otherwise!!!!

19. Crick's death almost brought me to sad tears but Agena's Fin. photo almost brought me to tears of joy!

20. My first "Dark Night" sequence with the creepy music was pretty unsettling. Lostseed was downright bone-chilling. And the reveal of what Harvey did to Rita filled me with indescribable horror.

21. Alrond: Partito... you truly are a charismatic individual. However, my purse strings do not come undone for a smile and a song. Before I invest, I need a closer appraisal of your caliber.

Partitio: Er... do you want me to take my shirt off or somethin'?

22. I can't think of any good anecdotes at the moment, but I'll come back and edit this post if one pops up in my head!

23. I love this game in every way, but there is one thing that sometimes bugs me. The voice acting is absolutely incredible, no doubt about it, but in some scenes, it gave me tonal whiplash. Take Harvey, for example. He is a sinister, conniving monster of a man. He's a liar, an arsonist, a kidnapper, a thief, a plagiarizer, a manipulator, a murderer, and a multitude of other things that I haven't listed. This nutjob is guilty of countless atrocities, yet his voice actor's performance feels so comical. He sounds like a Sunday morning cartoon villain rather than the despicable professor who will kill anyone in his pursuit of power. I just wish he sounded more menacing rather than goofy.

24. I did play Octopath 1, but I never finished the game, unfortunately. But I can say with confidence that Octopath Traveler II has improved on the original in every way possible.

Octopath Traveler II ask game 🧭

Been looking for one of these since I finished the game but I haven't found one, so I made my own :3

Favorite traveler? (And if they were who you started with?)

Favorite NPC?

Favorite single chapter?

Favorite overall path?

Favorite boss fight?

Favorite optional dungeon?

Favorite default job?

Favorite secret job?

Favorite build for [character]?

Favorite town?

Favorite sidequest?

Favorite travel banter?

Favorite soundtrack?

Which companion did you choose for Ochette?

How did you customize your Grand Terry?

Did you have a That One Support Skill that you bought for every traveler?

Best relationship/dynamic between 2 characters (& elaborate!)?

A headcanon for [character]?

A moment that made you cry (or you just found sad)?

A moment that gave you chills (or you just found creepy)?

A moment that made you laugh out loud (or you just found funny)?

An amusing anecdote from your playthrough?

One thing that bugged you / you would change about the game?

Did you play the original Octopath Traveler? (And how does it compare?)

#octopath traveler 2 #octopath traveler ii #osvald v vanstein #castti florenz #temenos mistral #ochette #partitio yellowil #agnea bristarni #throne anguis #hikari ku

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redshoes-blues · 2 years ago

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The Heroes Theory

The key to understanding Stranger Things lies within a single song.

Buckle up, folks — this is very long. But I hope you enjoy your read! :)

This is my argument that the entire concept of Stranger Things, from the messages to the themes to the characters and relationships, can be summarized within one core motif that weaves through every season. Here I’ll be looking into the subtext and metaphors at play in Stranger Things as a whole, using Heroes to help show why requited Byler is the most sensible outcome from a writing perspective.

When I refer to the “Heroes Theory,” I want to be clear that this theory includes more than just the song for which my theory is named. Of course, Heroes itself is the foundation of the theory, but it extends far beyond that. This includes character arcs, dialogues, plots, and themes.

Let’s start with a bit of background on Heroes itself, its context, and what it can tell us about Stranger Things.

[CW: I briefly discuss the depiction of MH issues on the show, as well as various forms of oppression like homophobia, classism, and racism]

Background to Heroes

Heroes is an original song written by David Bowie, released in 1977. At the time, Bowie was living in Berlin after a long run of tours while battling addiction. It was a time of creative exploration and innovation for him. Keep in mind, this is all taking place in the midst of the Cold War, which is also the historical backdrop to Stranger Things.

Bowie has explained that he was first inspired to write Heroes after seeing a couple kissing next to the Berlin Wall. The couple were having an affair, and combined with the context of their affair happening next to the Berlin Wall, the scene he saw was one of forbidden love. So Bowie wrote the song describing a moment of defiance when the couple decided to forget about society’s judgement and shame, choosing to live as heroes in a moment of passion.

For the sake of our discussion, the following lines form Heroes are the most important. This is around the bridge of the song, at the point when the forbidden couple finally overcome their feelings of shame and their fear, choosing to embrace their passionate feelings instead:

I, I can remember (I remember)

Standing, by the wall (by the wall)

And the guns, shot above our heads (over our heads)

And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)

And the shame, was on the other side

Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever

Then we could be Heroes, just for one day

And not only is Heroes a song about forbidden love in the face of violent repercussions, Bowie himself was a revolutionary figure for queer folks in the 70s and beyond. From his identity as a bisexual man, his androgynous clothing style, and full of acceptance of queer people when we were ostracized by most.

For these reasons, his role in Stranger Things is an important one given the themes of conformity and being an outsider that the show highlights (along with its queer characters). Now, put on some Bowie, and let’s discuss!

Heroes in Stranger Things

At this point you might be like: “okay cool, but what on earth does this have to do with Byler and Stranger Things?” I hear you! Let’s look at how Heroes is used in the show.

Heroes plays twice in Stranger Things. However, what plays is a more somber cover by Peter Gabriel. Both times it’s used during emotional scenes.

In my view, the song has come to represent two important themes: 1. resurrection and 2. conformity vs. acceptance/love.

Season One: Will’s Body

The first time Heroes plays is during S1, when Will’s “body” is discovered in the quarry. It plays as Mike goes home, and while Jonathan and Joyce hug in a shot which mirrors Mike and Karen back at the Wheelers house.

This scene expresses two things. 1. For Mike, he is told his best friend is dead. He watches as his body leaves the water. He’s heartbroken. 2. For Joyce, who doesn’t yet know about Will’s “body,” she has spent the day communicating to Will in the lights. She’s terrified, but hopeful.

As viewers, we see both sides. We see Will’s “death,” but we also saw Joyce communicating with who we suspect is Will. In this way, Heroes plays over a scene symbolizing both death and resurrection. By resurrection, I mean the fact that Will was believed to be dead, but he turns up alive.

While the cover of Heroes plays during this pivotal moment of hope and heartbreak, it’s quite telling what we’re shown on screen when certain lines are played:

What I consider to be the most romantic and thematically queer lyrics in the entire song play during the point when Mike runs into Karen’s arms after learning Will is “dead.”

And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)

And the shame, was on the other side

Here, the symbolism of “other side” is important given the context of the show. For Bowie, “other side” meant the East Berlin at the other side of the wall. The wall itself had violent repercussions (represented in this line by “the shame”) for attempting to cross it. In the context of Mike, “the shame” could represent his internalized homophobia and the confusing feelings of losing a best friend who he doesn’t realize he has romantic feelings for.

In Stranger Things, the “other side” could obviously represent the Upside Down. Especially given that we know Will is in the Upside Down at this point in the show, facing violence. But in this scene, it could also represent death as the other side of life. I think it’s interesting that the Upside Down consistently has imagery of death and decay, given that it’s the very opposite of the warmth we often associate with Hawkins.

Although Heroes itself isn’t a song explicitly about queer love, it is thematically queer. By this, I mean that the subject matter of the song is lauded in queer subtext and imagery.

This is all taking place during the 1980s. A time that was profoundly homophobic and opposed to anyone remotely different to the societal standards. We’re also located in a small town in Indiana and have canonically homophobic characters. The theme of shame over being who you are vs. learning to accept yourself anyways is crucial throughout the entire show.

I don’t think Will or Mike were aware of their romantic feelings for each other during S1, rather, the use of Heroes during S1 serves as foreshadowing for the future of their relationship, and sets up the theme of resurrection.

Could the placement of the Heroes lyrics be a coincidence? Sure, anything could be. Even so, the writing and production team chose to use a romantic song about forbidden love (written by a bisexual rockstar and queer icon) for this scene. In a series where every song serves an explicit lyrical purpose, these things aren’t accidental.

Especially when the song is used more than once.

Season Three: Hopper’s “Death”

The second time the Heroes cover is played is during S3. It’s the final scene of the season. The song begins to play as El finishes reading Hop’s letter. Then it continues as Joyce takes one last look around the Byers’ house before leaving for California.

This time, the lines “and we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall). And the shame, was on the other side,” are not included. None of the lyrics line up with Mike or Will. This time, the song is hinting at the theme I spoke of above: resurrection.

All of our characters and the audience are supposed to believe Hopper is dead at this point in the story. Of course, we now know the truth. Just as Will was believed to be dead the last time Heroes played, the song once again signals this isn’t the case. Hopper isn’t really dead. There’s hope. New life and love will blossom again in S4.

Moving Beyond Season Three

Originally, I theorized [here, here] that Will would fall under Vecna’s curse in S4 vol. 2, and Heroes would be the song to save him. Only this time, it would be Bowie’s original version of the song. I was obviously wrong . . . but I wouldn’t be surprised if Heroes pops up again in S5 with the context of Will (and especially his relationship with Mike). Rising above self-hatred. Living life to the fullest, refusing to let fear stand in the way of pursuing the love you feel inside.

“Being a freak is the best, alright?”

The times Heroes plays in Stranger Things aren’t the only times Bowie is referenced. I do think if the song plays for a Byler scene, it’ll be the original version that plays. I go into this in more detail in another post [here], but for a bit more context, let’s take a look at one of my favourite moments: Jonathan and Will’s conversation about shame and being a “freak.”

Jonathan: You know what? You’re right. You are a freak. But what, do you want to be normal? Do you wanna be just like everyone else? Being a freak is the best, alright? I’m a freak . . . Who would you rather be friends with: Bowie or Kenny Rogers?

Will: Ugh.

Jonathan: Exactly. It’s no contest. The thing is, nobody normal ever accomplished anything meaningful in this world.

One of the core themes of Stranger Things is accepting what makes us different. Our differences are our strengths, and the writers of Stranger Things want their characters (and us) to understand that. Jonathan’s line: “nobody normal ever accomplished anything meaningful in this world” is particularly important.

Our characters aren’t the typical heroes of 1980s films and movies. They aren’t popular. They have nerdy interests and aren’t ashamed of it. For the most part, our core characters own the things that others judge about them. And when they don’t, part of their character arc is about learning to accept their true selves.

Jonathan uses Bowie as an example for the outsider figure that represents not only Will and himself, but every other character we’ve come to love. Even Steve, reformed stereotypical 80s jock, is no longer bound to the pressures of the larger society.

But in the context of Will, his comparison to Bowie is another way of queer coding a character who we know is canonically gay and in love with his best friend Mike. Bowie is a “freak” because he’s unique and an outsider, but also because he’s queer — and in 1980s small town Indiana, at the height of the AIDS crisis, being gay was just about as “freaky” as you could get.

To demonstrate this core idea of embracing your inner freak and finding a found family who loves you despite your “outsider” status, the entirety of our main cast have experiences which turn them into outsiders in the eyes of larger Hawkins.

To list a few: Joyce is divorced, working class, and a single mother who has “conspiracies” that many shame her for, Jonathan is bullied for being working class, Will is gay and bullied by homophobes; Lucas is Black and targeted by racists (Troy, Billy, Jason); Max has stereotypically “boyish” interests, is from an abusive working class home, and has mental health issues; El has superpowers, lacks assumed social cues, and is neurodivergent coded; Dustin has a rare genetic condition which he is bullied for; Robin is a lesbian and worries about becoming a “social pariah”; and Mike . . . is a gamer?

Alright, I know Mike is also bullied for being a nerd and is called “frog face,” but other than his status as a geeky kid, is Mike really any different than what Hawkins expects of a boy his age? He’s upper middle-class, has great friends, is smart, and even has a girlfriend. So why is it that the least-outsider of our outsiders is seen as our leader, and the eyes of the audience?

Mike Wheeler is the Audience’s Eyes

Given that, in my view, Byler is the only sensible outcome for Stranger Things because of its themes, character arcs, queer references, costuming, staging choices, etc. etc., I don’t believe the Mike we see is the real Mike Wheeler. We only see the real Mike in brief glimpses. Here’s why.

Mike is the central POV character for seasons 1 and 2 of Stranger Things.

In another breakdown [here] I analyzed Mike as the central POV character in S1 and S2. But let’s stick with this idea that Mike is the main member of the party who we learn alongside during S1. For example, during the Will’s “body” scene discussed above, it’s Mike’s reactions that the camera pans to. We see Mike crying and reacting to his best friend dying, we follow him home, and learn about Will’s “death” with him.

In S2, we have other establishing shots where the camera lingers on Mike longer than the other party members. When Will is taken to Dr. Owens, for example, the camera focuses on Mike and we hear his thoughts. Mike finds Will having an episode in the field, which is also when we discover his episode. Mike spends the entirety of S2 with Will, including the climax of Will’s exorcism where Mike plays a pivotal role.

Why Mike? For the original audience demographic, which was probably expected to be nerdy teenage boys/adults, our “eyes” in the show are placed onto a character who a wide variety of people can relate to. He’s the loyal ‘til death, heroic friend, nerdy boy, bullied, but not for any perceivable differences. And this is mid-2010s media we’re talking about, so of course the protagonist character is going to be a white boy.

What the hell happened in seasons 3 and 4?

Mike seems to vanish as our primary POV character after S2. Multiple POVs come into focus, and El becomes our main character over Mike. I think Will’s writing in S3 and S4 is a bit of a mess at times, but aside from S2, his screen time was never as much as Mike’s. The reduction of Mike’s importance, and the strange turn his character takes in S3 is telling. I think the Duffer brothers deliberately reduced Mike’s role as our “eyes” in the show during S3 because this is when his queer awakening begins to take place, and we aren’t supposed to know yet.

Mike Wheeler, I Know What You Are

And you sure as hell ain’t straight!

This isn’t an Em-tries-to-convince-you-unbelievers-Mike-is-queer theory. I’ll leave that up to the pros! Instead, I want to tell you why Byler endgame makes the most sense thematically within the context of a story that is at its heart about freaks and outsiders and found family and refusing to conform.

Mike Wheeler has Internalized Homophobia

“What’s internalized homophobia?” it’s a real nasty piece of work, that’s for sure.

Basically, it’s the idea that as queer people grow up in a heteronormative society which perpetuates shame and hatred towards queer people, we will internalize that shame and hatred, pitting it against our own sexuality. It’s a very common experience for queer people, especially in less-accepting generations, and Mike’s strange behaviour from S3 onwards could easily be explained by his own feelings of internalized homophobia, including his relationship with El.

Mike and Will have the potential to be the classic childhood friends to lovers storyline, only this time it’s between two boys instead of a boy and girl. We all know how much the Duffers love to subvert expectations.

Only their storyline is more complicated by the internalized shame each boy harbours towards himself. We’ve canonically been shown Will’s internalized homophobia, starting from S2 when he worries about being seen as a “freak.” Growing up and having his father call him homophobic slurs, being bullied for being gay, and living in the midst of the AIDS crisis when gay men were scapegoated and treated abhorrently by a moral majority — all are prime reasons for the shame he feels towards himself. S4 only emphasizes this with Will feeling like he’s a “mistake” for being different.

But Stranger Things doesn’t want its viewers or characters to feel this shame. They want us to find a family who loves and accepts us. They want us to accept our differences and love the things that make us “outsiders.”

That’s the whole point of the show. That’s why the homophobes, racists, and bullies are consistently fought against: because what they say isn’t right or true, even though it was popular opinion at the time.

In the case of Mike, the way he pulls away from Will in S3 and S4 could be explained with the shame he feels for his own queerness. A lot of people think Mike has turned into an asshole. A shitty friend. He’s so drastically different from how he was in S2, and there’s no real reason for this change. Unless the reason is an internal one that we haven’t been shown yet.

The Rain Scene

The rain scene has been analyzed a thousand times. From the parallel to the Milk Ban fight where Milk Ban is played for laughs and Byler is meant to be devastating, to colour analysis, film references, and more. This scene haunts me. Seriously, they did that.

Mike obviously isn’t homophobic. We’ve seen him defend Will from homophobic bullying in S1. But he does have a hell of a lot of internalized homophobia, and oh boy is he ever projecting during the infamous fight scene.

His attack on Will (which is really projection of his own feelings onto the boy he fancies) is twofold: 1. internalized homophobia combined with 2. Mike’s idea that growing up means conforming to heteronormativity.

But this scene isn’t from Mike’s POV. It’s from Will’s. We’re meant to see Mike as an asshole. We’re meant to empathize with Will as he destroys Castle Byers: a symbol of his childhood and heteronormativity [more here].

Mike: “I’m not trying to be a jerk, okay? But we’re not kids anymore. I mean what did you think, really, that we were never gonna get girlfriends? That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?”

Will: “Yeah, I guess I did. I really did.”

This isn’t just Mike being mad at Will for “refusing to grow up” or whatever. He’s specifically calling out Will’s critique of Mike having a girlfriend. At this point Will is fully aware he’s gay and has feelings for Mike. Mike is very much in denial. For Mike, growing up means getting a girlfriend and following the lifestyle his parents outlined for him. He denies any other feelings he may have and instead takes out his self-hatred on Will.

It’s important to note that his parents are also Reagan supporters (Reagan was a homophobe who spread moral panic over gay and bisexual men during the AIDS crisis) and unhappily married. He has no representation of loving romantic relationships in his house, and no positive representation to compare his feelings to. Let alone any gay feelings he has for his best friend.

When Will destroys Castle Byers, it’s a devastating moment, but also a moment of clarity. Will suspects that Mike knows he’s gay, and as S4 opens, we see early signs of Will beginning to embrace his queerness: from the Boys Don’t Cry poster to the painting for Mike to the way he questions Mike’s behaviour towards El, and their relationship as a whole. He even talks to Jonathan about how he’s feeling.

But Mike is still in denial. Because he is no longer a POV character from S3 and S4 until the couch scene [more here], we don’t see his thoughts. In my view, he realizes his gay feelings are for Will at the end of S3, after his closet kiss with El, when Will puts his D&D set in the box. This is why he pulls away from Will again, even though they seemingly made up by the end of the season. It was too much for Mike’s internalized homophobia.

Mike’s scenes with Will in S4 are all from Will’s POV, (again, except for the couch scene and a couple minor moments). Mostly when he’s looking longingly at Will as Will digs a grave, which is awfully interesting because we have no need to see Mike look at Will that way unless Mike has feelings for Will. I see what you’re up to, Duffers and Michael Wheeler.

All this said, if Byler isn’t canon, then the following premise must be correct: Will Byers, a traumatized boy who was bullied for being gay and feels like a mistake for the feelings he has for Mike — a boy who has stood up to his fears and faced violence because of it — will not find love at the end of the series.

Keep in mind that the Duffer brothers haven’t only written Will as a gay character. They’ve explicitly written him as a gay character in love with his best friend Mike Wheeler. He’s shown no other interest in romance aside from Mike. His feelings remain unresolved at the end of S4. There are no other love interests for Will Byers. We only have one season, 8 episodes long, and the Duffer brothers have said they aren’t adding any new characters.

There’s no time to set up a love interest. There would be no tension, and it would be bad writing. For two writers who planned ideas about the Upside Down that we’re only just now discovering in S4 & S5, I have more faith in them than that. Mike is the only possible love interest for Will. And in a series which wants to pair up all/most of its main characters, why the hell would the traumatized gay boy end up alone?

Well, I’m here to tell you that the themes of Stranger Things back up Will having a happy ending. In fact, Byler endgame is what we’ve been building towards since the very first episode of S1.

Forced Conformity is Killing the Kids

When Eddie said the infamous line in S4, I was like, oh yeah they’re going for it.

Eddie: “It’s forced conformity. That’s what’s killing the kids.”

It’s just so on the nose. It’s the entire message of the show summarized in one line. The way to survive is to accept yourself for all that you are, and to find other who accept you as well. This is exactly what Jonathan said to Will, way back in S2 about how “being a freak is the best!” (ILY Jonathan Byers, best sibling and ally in the whole show <3)

The kids who are targeted by Vecna are traumatized and do not fit into the societal mold, despite their attempts to. Chrissy has mental health issues stemming from an abusive mother and feels pressure to change her body to appease her; Fred has immense survivor’s guilt and is a nerdy outsider; and even though Patrick is popular, it’s implied he lived in an abusive household. As for Max, she’s an outsider for many reasons that I’ve gone over.

Each of Vecna’s targets attempts hide their trauma in order to fit into their expected roles. In their own ways, they are conforming. As Eddie, ever the non-conformist, says: “it’s forced conformity. That’s what’s killing the kids.”

And I think he’s right.

I’ve discussed a lot of the ways the characters don’t fit into typical 1980s society and how the point is for us to empathize with these outsiders and freaks. There’s a reason why seeking popularity is seen as a negative choice (for better or worse), and why accepting your weirdness and refusing to hide yourself is held in high regard.

Vecna’s Victims Attempt to Conform

In fact, we could even argue that Vecna’s victims are targeted because they conform. In a way, it becomes a narrative punishment. Conforming = bad. Characters who conform/hide = targets. Take Max, for example. Max attempts to hide her trauma and depression by pushing away her friends. She’s able to overcome these inner battles and finally comes clean to Lucas and the rest of the party by the end of the season, revealing the parts of herself she attempted to hide.

Similarly, we see the way Will’s attempts to conform put a weight on him, and especially on his relationships. The end of S4 presents a Will Byers who is beginning to accept himself after coming out to Jonathan, but hours earlier he still felt like a mistake for who he is. He probably still feels that way by the season’s end because of how entrenched in internalized homophobia and shame he has been growing up with Supreme Dick Lonnie Byers as a father.

A Brief Note on Lucas

Since S1, we’ve seen the way racism has impacted Lucas as the sole main Black character in the show. From Troy to Billie to Jason, the way Lucas is bullied by racists in Hawkins is important to take note of. For this reason, it’s understandable that Lucas attempts to prevent his othering by conforming and trying to “fit in” by joining the basketball team. We’re not meant to view this as inherently negative, as is the case for most other attempts at conformity. Rather, we’re meant to understand that Lucas doesn’t want to be ostracized further than he is already.

Other analysts have pointed out more specific analysis of race and racism in Stranger Things that deserve their own conversation outside of this post, but I wanted to bring up Lucas’ experience because he’s: 1. our sole Black protagonist, and 2. an example of conformity which isn’t meant to be inherently bad to viewers. We’re supposed to understand Lucas’ choice as a means of survival. Conformity isn’t inherently evil, but his desire to conform paints a larger picture of Hawkins as a place where anyone who stands out of the dominant society is put at risk because of prejudices in the town.

What About Mike?

Mike pushes Will away after S2. He spends all his time around El in S3, conforming into the expected role he has grown up around: seeing his parents, unhappily married in a heterosexual relationship. Others have pointed out just how many parallels there are between Mike and Ted throughout the show, from dialogue to his wardrobe, and this certainly isn’t an accident. Realizing his queerness and seeing nothing but homophobia and heteronormativity, Mike feels the need to conform to his parent’s expectations. He sees no other choice, and this is why he projects onto Will — “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls!”

Even after Mike and Will reconcile at the end of S3, Mike pulls away again when Will moves away. To a smaller extent, Will is certainly at fault. But given his feelings for Mike and the shame he feels, it’s understandable that he tried to keep Mike at a distance. But what excuse would a Straight Mike have?

Mike: “We’re friends, Will. Friends.”

I can practically hear the just in front of his “we’re friends” statement. And to answer my previous question, a happy straight Mike would have no reason to pull away from Will again. He’s not annoyed about Will acting childish — he literally plays D&D (which he called Will childish for playing in S3) while Will does not anymore. Their roles have completely reversed by T4. Will is in the early stages of the self-acceptance we expect from Stranger Things, but Mike is still in denial of his own emotions.

S3 Mike is annoyed at Will for being “childish” and wanting to play D&D, meanwhile S4 Mike only wants to play D&D.

But S4 Mike is beginning to change in small ways.

His wardrobe is influenced by Eddie. He starts to play D&D again. He makes up with Will and this time he seems to mean it, even though their relationship is still strained with everything left unsaid. The couch scene signals a movement back into Mike’s POV. Essentially, S5 will reintroduce us to Mike’s POV, and we’ll begin to understand why he’s been acting so strange since S3. It’s because he loves Will.

El, Friendship, and Found Family

We’ll get back to Heroes and look at the way the song ties up all of the themes I’ve laid out soon enough, but first it’s important to consider El, who is our protagonist from S3 onwards.

One of the largest critiques I see from people who don’t think requited Byler is likely to become canon comes from a segment of people who believe El’s romantic life is a large part of her character arc. I simply disagree with this assessment of her arc, and here’s why!

What about El, what about her love story?

El has a perfectly beautiful love story forming in front of our very eyes. Only for her, it’s the story of a girl who was raised without love or kindness or family, who grows and finds a family for herself. Found family ties into the queer themes in Stranger Things and the idea that all of our main characters are outsiders. It’s the glue that holds the series together. The heart of the show is the love the characters have for each other, platonic and otherwise.

This is one reason why we don’t see endless death of our central characters as is the case in similar shows. That’s because at its core, Stranger Things is about love and acceptance. Sure, there are also monsters and alternate dimensions, but that’s not the core of what holds the story together.

From the first time we meet El in S1, we understand her position. She is deeply traumatized, having grown up in a hostile environment where she was dehumanized and subjected to brutal experiments. Hell, her name is literally a number.

But in S1, she meets Mike.

This is El’s first real and normal connection to any person. Mike treats her like a human being and teaches her about the outside world and the way it works.

In S2, El finds a father in Jim Hopper and learns the ways of a family (and pretends to be Mike’s cousin). She still has her bond to Mike, but the romance isn’t what matters. El is on a journey to discover more about where she came from, including her family and what that says about her powers. At the same time, she’s learning about the outside world and the societal standards that restrict she and her friends.

In S3, El becomes close to Max and realizes that romantic relationships don’t and shouldn’t define her life. There’s more to life than stupid boys! She’s learning about herself and what it means to be a kid and what it means to have a family. She learns to balance her relationships, but she still sees herself as a superhero at the end of the day.

In S4, El has a family. A brother and mother who love her. She struggles with bullying because she’s different from everyone. And again when she goes to get back her powers, she’s on a journey of self-discovery.

For three seasons she’s been treated and believed herself to be the superhero who must save the day. But it didn’t work this time. Max is in a coma and everything is falling to pieces, but she has Hopper and Joyce and Will and everyone who loves her. Her relationship with Mike is turbulent. Even after his monologue, the two of them never discuss their supposed romantic love again. Instead, her relationship with Hopper is prioritized; Mike and Will have their moment on the couch and then everything falls apart again.

Oh yeah. And we get this epic final scene where El stands alone in front of the people who have become her family. Only the six people behind her are arranged in groups of two. And two of those groups are canonical couples who are most likely to be endgame. And then we have Mike and Will. Interesting.

At the heart of El’s character arc is her growing awareness of the world around her and her found family. After a childhood of neglect, trauma, and dehumanization, she’s being treated like a person. Not only that, but she’s learning to love and be loved by those around her. To say that her romantic relationship is central to her character arc is to ignore the true story that is unfolding in El’s life.

Besides, El wasn’t planned to live past S1. I’m so glad she did because she’s a wonderful character, but romance between El and Mike was never the original end goal for the story.

The Healing Power of Music

I promised we’d get back to Heroes eventually!

To overview: the core theme of Stranger Things is learning to accept your differences and status as an “outsider” in the eyes of larger society; not only accepting, but loving these parts of yourself for which you’re made to feel ashamed. And in this, forging a family of outsiders, underdogs, and freaks who understand you and love you as you are.

In the context of Heroes, I discussed how the song focuses on a forbidden romance wherein the couple overcomes their feelings of shame and fear, choosing to embrace their love, even though it’s frowned upon in the eyes of the outside world. What matters isn’t the view of onlookers, but living and refusing to conform to expectations.

By accepting yourself as you are, you’re being born again. You’re resurrected.

S4 may have showed us the literal saving power of music, but music has always been crucial within the show. Just think of Will singing Should I Stay or Should I Go to keep himself safe and comforted in the Upside Down. The way music is used to forge connections and bonds. The way music is used to highlight being a freak: from Bowie as the icon of freaks to Eddie’s “this is real music” and beyond.

Any song that plays more than once over multiple seasons is bound to be important and lauded in meaning. Will listening to Should I Stay or Should I Go represents his fight or flight response when faced with danger, and his choice to be brave. Max listening to Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God) represents her depression and survivor’s guilt; the way she desires to switch places with Billy. When It’s Cold I’d Like to Die plays when Eddie dies, when Sarah dies, and when Will is saved from death.

And as I’ve said already, Heroes has come to represent resurrection. It’s about forging a new life for yourself out of the ashes of trauma and shame. If even for just one day, accept what makes you different, because it’s these differences that make you a hero in the eyes of the show.

So when we get to S5, music will continue to hold its healing power and symbolism, just as it has since S1 when Will first entered the Upside Down and shaped it to his image. I think our final season (which has been said to be similar to S1 in the way the characters are united) will directly parallel S1 in many ways. Including Will’s role. I think he will revisit the Upside Down and confront his trauma and fear as Bob taught him to.

This being said, I think Heroes will make an appearance again.

Think of it: it played during S1, S3, and we have S5 left. How perfect would it be for the song to play during a moment of two characters defying all odds, casting aside their shame and guilt, choosing acceptance and love instead. I’m thinking S5 will have a post-apocalyptic feel, with Hawkins abandoned by many, and only our heroes left to save their town. They’ll be surrounded by the violence and decay of a Hawkins morphed with the Upside Down, and larger society’s pressure will cease to matter.

This is life or death. Our characters must be the heroes we’ve always known them to be, or else Vecna will continue to expand and claim innocent lives. And part of this journey is self-acceptance, just as it always has been. Our characters have to accept the things that make them different, otherwise they won’t survive. Conformity is what’s killing the kids. Nobody normal ever made a difference in the world. They have to be Heroes, just for one day.

Dear Underdogs, Outcasts, and Freaks

One of the things I’ve always loved about Stranger Things is the way it subverts expectations and rewrites 1980s nostalgia through a modern lens. If it came out in the 80s, the show would look so different. We certainly wouldn’t have any of the (still very limited) representation the show has today.

All of this is to say that thematically, the ending which makes most sense is for Mike and Will to end up together. It would defy expectations, yet the clues have been written on the wall since S1. All general audience viewers will have to do is re-watch the show after a requited Byler reveal to see just how many hints have been there all along. They’re already revisiting the show with fresh eyes after Will has been canonically confirmed to be gay (something many Bylers have known since S1).

The Duffer brothers have even stated in multiple interviews that they aren’t worried about the general audience reception to the series’ end. They know that some people will be angry, but the story they’ve been telling is so much bigger than that. The cast has described the ending as beautiful. What’s more beautiful than revealing you’ve been playing the long-game in what would be one of the most revolutionary representations of queer love in any piece of mainstream media?

Stranger Things is a love letter to everyone who has ever felt like they don’t belong. To the underdogs, outcasts, and freaks. From a writing and queer representation perspective, it simply makes no sense to have a deeply traumatized gay boy end up alone. There’s a reason Robin is being given a love interest for the final season. The Duffer brothers love happy endings for their outcast characters.

All of these ideas are shown in the song Heroes, which is about choosing love in the face of ostracism and violence. Very much an idea which we see throughout the series. Because at its heart, Stranger Things is a show about finding family and love in a broken world. What would be more perfect than to end the series with Mike and Will finally accepting themselves and overcoming everything they’ve dealt with since November 1983?

Author’s Note

This post has taken me ages to put together, but here we are, at the end!

I recently read the theory behind Flickergate and I find it wholly convincing. It also fits with my theory that Heroes will play a large symbolic role in S5, so I recommend reading that theory or watching the linked visual.

I’ve also linked some of my own theories throughout this one which give a bit more context to some ideas I have about Stranger Things at large. They’re also linked in my pinned post.

If you have questions or add-ons for this, please share them, I’d love to know your thoughts!! :)

—Em

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ppersonna · 4 years ago

Text

swipe right - jjk | m

“ i wanna ruin our friendship. we should be lovers instead. i don't know how to say this, cause you're really my dearest friend “ - jenny, studio killers

♡ summary- after a horrible breakup, you sign back up for tinder and ironically match with your best friend, jungkook. a date for fun is harmless, right?

♡ genre- best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, jk is a minecraft streamer, brother namjoon, brother-in-law jimin, namjoon is kind of a himbo stay at home dad ngl, ex-boyfriend seokjin (mentioned but doesnt show up)

♡ word count- 9k

♡ warnings- mentions of a bad breakup (smh seokjin wtf??), penetrative sex, unprotected sex (u know the business folx), oral sex (m receiving), teasing, SO MUCH BODY WORSHIP, jk is a simp, slight dirty talk, lots of just talking during sex yall it happens, creampie, cum play, praise praise body worship praise, did i mention body worship, tit-fucking, cum eating, i think thats all.

♡ a/n - helloooo and thank you for your wait for this fic! i’m so happy its done and i loved writing it! it’s a little bit different feel for my usual style of writing (smut-wise) so please tell me your thoughts! i didn’t use dom/sub themes OR a daddy kink LMAOOOO praise me please. i hope you enjoy!! pls feel free to comment, chat, message, carrier pigeon, email, mail, WHATEVER U WANT, me. i love u babies. thank you to @kimtaehyunq for the sexy banner. and for @xjoonchildx @ladyartemesia @untaemedqueen for the writing support and idea generation. i would be nothing without my council. and thank you to my beta editors @hobi-gif and @ughseoks and @hongism for the perusal and help in writing this!

Jungkook is the person you call when your world falls apart.

He answers, voice raspy from the late hour, and the second he asks you what’s wrong, the downpour of torrential tears you’ve been holding back finally escapes and you’re sobbing through the phone that you just lost the love of your life—that he left and with little effort on his part, and a lot on yours.

Jungkook listens to you—his heart aching deep in his chest at hearing the utter heartbreak that’s clear in your voice. You’ve never been hurt like this, and he’s desperate to hold you, to make it go away. He wants to drive over to Seokjin’s house and throw a left hook into his stupid, handsome face for making you feel you weren’t worth it.

Because if there’s anything in the world that Jungkook knows, it’s that you’re worth it. You’re worth everything. Add up all the money and all the gold in the entire world, and it still doesn’t meet a fraction of what you’re worth to him.

“Where are you?” He asks as he cradles the phone against one arm and pulls on his jeans.

You sniffle. “Jungkook, it’s 3 am.”

“So? I was up playing Minecraft,” He lies. “Where are you?”

You can’t help but laugh the tiniest bit, a sliver of warmth wrapping itself around your raw and exposed heart. Like a balm to a flesh wound. It doesn’t heal it, not yet.

“I’m at our park.”

Jungkook smiles as he grips the phone back in his hand. The park. The place you and Jungkook spent your childhood playing make-believe games, and formative teenage years loitering around smoking clove cigarettes to look cool.

“Give me five minutes, okay?”

You nod, even though he can’t see you.

“Okay.”

Jungkook arrives with two minutes to spare. His beat up Nissan that he insists is “vintage” and “priceless” idles next to you.

He can see you through the darkened glass of your car—your mascara is running down your face, tears streaked through your flawlessly applied makeup.

You still look so beautiful.

And it angers Jungkook that all that time you spent looking good for Seokjin meant nothing to him.

He motions for you to come over, pats the passenger seat next to him and smiles as he watches you open the door and slide into the security of his familiar car.

“You cleaned your car,” you murmur as you notice a severe lack of McDonald’s trash.

He sniffs haughtily.

“The trash added character.”

Jungkook doesn’t give you a chance to respond. Instead, he’s unbuckling his seatbelt and pulling you as close to him as he can get you. The instant his arms wrap around your body, the floodgates open again and your once-quieted tears turn back into full-fledged sobs.

“I loved him,” you gasp through the pain in your throat.

He rubs your back, pats your hair gently, soothing you the way he has for years now. Through every breakup, through every family fight with your older brother Namjoon, through all the mean girls in high school. Jungkook is the north star—always consistent, always guiding you back to safety.

“I know, babe,” he sighs. “You deserve someone who’s going to treat you right, who’s not just going to give up when things get hard.”

You choke back a cry against his Patagonia hoodie and bury your face further into the crook of his neck. He smells like Old Spice and the shampoo he uses, along with the smell of laundry soap you buy for him—he uses dish soap when he runs out and nearly broke his washing machine last time.

“I thought he was the one. I’m so stupid.”

Jungkook swallows hard. Tonight is about comforting you, not about feeling sorry for himself that you’re his best friend and not his girlfriend. He can’t help but think of what kind of life he would give you. He knows it’s one that wouldn’t end with you crying in a parking lot at 3 AM.

“You’re not stupid, you just loved him. And there’s nothing stupid about loving someone, even if it doesn’t work out,” he sighs as he cradles your head against him. It feels right having you there, pressed up against him and seeking comfort from the solace of his arms.

“Let’s go get a milkshake, yeah?” He asks as you pull your head up and look at him with sad, glassy eyes.

“Yeah,” you nod after a moment of staring.

Jungkook’s eyes sparkle with love, with hope. It makes the desperate, alone feeling inside you—disappear. Jungkook presses a soft kiss to your forehead and then starts the shaky ignition of his car, that takes three cranks of the key before it turns over.

He sends you a look, a laugh evident on your face.

“Don’t even start,” he warns. “The engine is fine.”

“Whatever you say,” you snort as you wipe an errant tear from your face.

“It’s a certified classic car! I could get millions for this baby!”

As the weeks pass, the pain of losing Seokjin becomes further and further from your mind. You can get through the day without crying anytime you see something that reminds you of him and even start flirting with others without feeling like you’re cheating.

You just still haven’t reached the point where dating someone else even feels possible. You’re terrified of allowing someone close to you, letting them into a place where you’re inviting them to possibly hurt you. You’re not sure your heart is ready for it.

“I think you’re just scared,” your older brother Namjoon states as he warms up a bottle of milk in boiling water.

He cradles his new baby in one arm while the other works at the bottle of milk.

“I’m not scared,” you huff. “I just don’t think it’s the right time.”

Namjoon sighs and hands the gurgling newborn baby off to you and readies the bottle for you to feed your new niece, Jisoo.

“Look, Seokjin sucks, okay? I know you two were together for some time, but in the end, he wasn’t the right one for you. There’s someone out there who is the right one for you. You know how many shit frogs I had to kiss before I got my prince?”

You make a face as you feed Jisoo, who happily sucks and gazes at the lights above.

“You call Jimin a prince?”

Namjoon sighs dreamily as he watches the baby and thinks of his husband.

“The dreamiest prince,” he breathes, eyes closed in bliss. “But back to your problems. I think you should get back out there. Go on some dates, meet some people. No one is telling you to fall in love and get married tomorrow. Just go have some fun.”

You allow Namjoon’s words to mull through your mind. What could be the harm in joining a few dating sites, perhaps spending some time at the gym or grocery store flirting with someone cute?

“Fine,” you say. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good. I can’t be the only one giving our parents grand-babies. Soo needs a cousin.”

You smile down at the tiny bundle in your arms and imagine a future where you have a baby of your own.

“Okay, I’m not trying to get knocked up, Joon.”

“Whatever,” he sighs. “Help me choose a wall color for me and Jimin’s new master bathroom.”

Tinder’s changed since the last time you used it, years ago. It’s gone from any semblance of dating to strictly an app used to get laid.

It’s discouraging swiping through all the obvious fuckboys. Sure, a quick and easy lay sounds great, but you’re also trying to go out and enjoy real, traditional dates, and it seems none of these guys want to step foot outside of a bedroom.

The swiping left becomes almost monotonous. You’re sitting on your couch, watching some documentary about serial killers, when a startling profile pops up on your Tinder feed.

The picture that pops up is... Jungkook. You can’t stop the bubble of laughter that leaps from your chest. His profile is so authentically Jungkook that you’re swiping right before you even know it.

Your brain doesn’t even comprehend what a match with Jungkook means, really. You’re still laughing as you click on the bubble to message him and send him as many laugh emojis as you can.

“Hey guys, what’s up, Kookie here with another Let’s Play Minecraft video for ya. Be sure to like and subscribe if you enjoy this kind of content.”

Jungkook’s headset is firmly wrapped around his head, mic next to his mouth and hands at the ready on his mouse and keyboard. He’s set and in the zone.

The game is well into play when the familiar chime of his phone goes off. It’s a Tinder notification—he can tell by the sound. He can’t help but roll his eyes, wondering what sort of boring conversation he’s meant to have with a girl who will probably ghost him, anyway.

He lazily lifts his phone and glances at the notification, before dropping it back to the desk.

His hand freezes on his mouse as he finally comprehends what he just read.

He just matched with YOU.

His best friend.

His secret, lifelong crush.

He sputters something into the microphone and stops recording his game, wildly grasping for the phone and unlocking it.

YN: 😂😂😂😂 is your bio a Minecraft pickup line?!

He pauses, attempts to collect his thoughts, before desperately typing on his screen.

JUNGKOOK: Why? 😉😏 did it work?

You spend the rest of your night jokingly flirting with Jungkook, sending GIFs and emojis in between the silly lines you’re using on each other.

Right before you’re about to head to sleep, Jungkook sends one last message.

JUNGKOOK: What if we went on a date lolol. Haha jk. Unless?? 👀👀👀

Your thumbs hover over the keys to your phone.

A date with Jungkook? Even though you matched with him, you’ve never thought of a date with your childhood best friend.

YN: alright, it’s only fair since we matched 😝 show me how you treat these tinder ladies

“I have a date with Jungkook tonight,” you tell your brother, Namjoon, over the phone.

Over the crying of your newborn niece, you hear Namjoon splutter in confusion.

“You what!?” He nearly screams. “Jeon Jungkook? Like... the annoying kid you’ve been friends with since fourth grade?”

You huff.

“He’s not annoying! He’s my best friend. We ironically matched on Tinder and… Well, why the fuck not? Nothing serious is going to happen. We’ll go out and have a story to tell about how incompatible we are.”

Namjoon doesn’t reply. Instead, you hear him speak to his husband.

“She’s going on a date with Jungkook,” he says over the muffle of his hand on the receiver.

There’s a shuffle, and the dulcet voice of your brother-in-law, Jimin, comes over the line.

“Girl,” he starts. “What the fuck?”

You chuckle as you move about your closet, trying to decide what’s appropriate to wear on a date with your best friend.

“It’s nothing!”

“Mm-hmm,” Jimin tuts. “You know the boy is in love with you.”

“Okay, Chim, you’ve been spending too much time cooped up with my brother. It’s affecting your grip on reality.”

“Sure, honey. I just tell it like it is. Don’t break his heart.”

You roll your eyes.

“I won’t break his heart because there’s nothing there, Jimin.”

“I’ll be expecting your call later.”

“Yes, dad. Love you guys.”

“We love you too, sweetheart. But really, don’t break that poor boy’s heart.”

You open your mouth to retort yet another reassurance that there’s nothing to break, but the line goes dead.

“Fucking Jimin,” you mutter as you throw your phone to the bed.

You can’t allow yourself to think that Jungkook might have feelings for you. It’s totally out of the questions. He’s your best friend. The guy who shoves Cheetos up his nose to make you laugh and falls asleep during every movie night with his face in the popcorn bowl. He’s just Jungkook. This date is just a funny way to hang out.

So, why do you care so much about what you wear?

You’re still standing in front of your closet, attempting to find something respectable to wear. It doesn’t matter that the last time Jungkook saw you; it was with mascara streaming down your face and a hoodie from Namjoon’s college swimming days and ripped leggings. Jungkook has seen you in nearly everything you wear, so your indecisiveness gives you pause.

Do you want Jungkook to be attracted to you? Do you want to do your best to look as presentable as you would for a normal date?

The thudding of your heart tells you that maybe you’re more interested in this being a date than you’re allowing yourself to believe.

You shake all thoughts off.

No, you won’t allow yourself to overthink a night that should just be fun.

You settle for a fitted and simple summer dress, tights and heels. Simple, easy, respectable but also showing enough cleavage and sculpt of your ass to ensure you look more dressed up than not.

Perfect.

With one last look in the mirror, you’re ready.

JUNGKOOK: I’m outside!

ME: See you soon!

Jungkook taps his foot anxiously as he sits on the bench outside your apartment. His tight black jeans feel like a second skin on his legs, and the black button-down shirt he’s tucked in makes him rethink his choice of outfit.

Is he too casual?

He’s never really worn something like this around you. This is what Jungkook wears when he wants to seduce. This is what every girl he’s desperately wished was you got to see. The girls who swooned over his messy hair, the way his jeans display his toned thighs, the peek of skin at his throat.

Maybe it’s too much.

Maybe he’s afraid he’ll scare you away.

Maybe he’s afraid you won’t like it.

He’s given no chance to ruminate anymore because you’re exiting the building and walking straight towards him.

He doesn’t think he remembers how to breathe.

It’s as if you walk towards him in slow motion. Angels chorus around him and the setting sun sparkles on your face like a spotlight. There’s nothing in the world anymore, nothing but you.

You’re the most beautiful human he’s ever seen in his life.

“Hi,” you smile as you approach him.

He continues to stare, eyes traveling over the soft curves of your cheeks and jaw, trailing down to the way your dress clings just right to each dip of your body. His throat goes dry.

You are without a doubt the girl of his dreams.

“Jungkook?”

It pushes him out of his reverie, eyes widening as he realizes he’s been staring at you for maybe a few minutes too long to play off as normal.

“Hey!” He coughs, attempting to right himself.

“You okay?” You ask, eyebrow lifted in concern.

“Yeah! Yup! Totally! I’m okay—a-okay, absolutely great.” He internally slaps himself.

“You clean up nice,” you smile as your eyes elevate up and down the lean form of his body.

“Oh?” He asks, taken aback.

In his daze, he never even realized what you’re thinking about him, rather only how intensely he was thinking about you.

“This must be the Jungkook that all the girls in college couldn’t stop begging me to hook them up with.”

His cheeks flame with sudden embarrassment, hand moving to the back of his neck to rub it awkwardly.

“Ha, yeah,” he swallows. “You look r-really nice too. I don’t think I’ve seen you in a dress since your brother’s wedding.”

The smile that he’s rewarded with nearly knocks him on his ass. “Thanks! It’s fun to dress up cute again. Jin hated this dress.”

A stab of pain eeks its way into Jungkook’s heart. Seokjin. God, how he hates that man.

“Well, uh, you can wear whatever you want with me!” He assures.

You loop your arm around Jungkook’s, saddling up to his side as you look at him expectantly.

“Well, are we going?”

Jungkook can’t help but smile at the sparkle in your eye, the way you peer up at him with those soft, cherry lips. He wants to capture them with his own, kiss you until you don’t remember Seokjin’s name ever again.

But he resists.

“Let’s go!”

You never thought you’d admit it to yourself. You never even thought it could happen.

But the date is everything you’ve ever wanted, and more.

Jungkook is still Jungkook, still just as silly and easy to talk to as he always is.

But he’s also charming. Flirtatious, even. He holds doors open for you; he rests his hand on the small of your back as he guides you towards your table at dinner. He feeds you bites of his dessert and lets his eyes linger on the way your lips look wrapped around his fork.

Jungkook treats you the way you’ve always wanted to be treated. Like someone he wants to cherish for the rest of your combined lives. Someone he wants to take care of, build a future with, enjoy life with.

And as much as it thrills you, it absolutely frightens you.

It’s when you’re walking down the small river trail together that Jungkook slips his hand into yours and laces your fingers together. The once-steady beat of your heart becomes erratic. He continues chatting—as if holding your hand was a subconscious act for him. He’s knee deep in a story of his Minecraft server when you stop walking, causing him to pause.

“What’s up?” He asks curiously.

Your eyes glitter with anticipation, with fear, as you stare at the gorgeous man before you. He looks like a full course meal in his tight jeans and he makes you feel like a princess. You can suddenly see doing life by his side—no longer his platonic best friend, but as his lover and lifelong partner.

You say nothing. Instead, you simply close the space between you two by grabbing the buttons of his shirt and tugging his lips onto yours.

“Wha—oh, mmmmmm.”

Jungkook is still for a second as he battles the surprise, but jumps into action and cups your face with his hands, deepening the kiss by pushing his tongue past your lips and swirling it around your own.

Your bodies press close together. He can feel your breasts against his chest and he desperately wants to rip the dress off your body and worship you like he’s always wanted to.

As soon as the kiss started, it’s over. You’re pulling away with eyes wide with fear.

“I’m sorry, I—I need to go,” you stammer awkwardly.

Jungkook’s heart drops to his stomach.

“What? We were going to get ice cream?”

You can feel tears building in the corners of your eyes. You’re so confused, so unsure of what you’re feeling. You want to stay and kiss Jungkook until you’re clawing at the clothing on his body, pressing kisses to the firm column of his neck. You want to run far away, too scared to admit it to him you’re sure you could love him for the rest of his life.

You can’t lose that friendship. You can’t risk everything you love about Jungkook. He’ll only hurt you the way every boyfriend ever has.

“I don’t really feel well,” you swallow hard as you lie. Jungkook always knows when you’re lying.

His body stiffens.

“Okay, let me walk you home.”

You shake your head, already moving away from the man.

“It’s fine. We’re nearby. I’ll just run or something.”

He opens his mouth to protest, but you’ve already turned face and started running the direction away from him.

Jungkook watches, misty-eyed, as the girl of his dreams runs further and further away from him.

You’re sobbing as you finally reach home, out of breath and confused. The phone call to Namjoon is quick.

“Yo,” he says cooly as he answers the phone. His tone changes when he hears your whimpering sobs on the other end.

“Joonie,” you whisper. “I fucked up.”

“Oh god,” Namjoon quickly shuffles and calls his husband over, before putting the phone on speaker.

“What’s happened, baby?” Jimin’s sweet voice asks.

“I—I kissed him,” you sob, holding yourself close in the comfort of the elevator.

Namjoon and Jimin look at each other with knowing looks.

“We’re on our way over.”

Jimin knows the first order of business is to stop the crying. He places sleeping baby Jisoo in your arms, which quiets your whimpers enough as you cling to the tiny baby. He knows your weakness is sleeping babies.

Namjoon looks on anxiously, hates seeing his little sister upset and with no way to make it better.

Jimin’s been asked to take the lead on this, because he knows his husband's response is to cry as well—he gets emotional anytime he sees her cry. Namjoon agreed, knowing Jimin was better suited for the conversation.

“Tell us what happened,” Jimin asks quietly. You’re rocking the baby gently, sobs turned to sniffles. “Did something go wrong on the date?”

Your eyes peer up at your brother-in-law’s, a wounded look that makes Jimin feel sad. Namjoon clenches beside him, and Jimin lays a hand on his lap to soothe the protective brother.

“No,” you whisper. “That’s the thing. It was an amazing date.”

Jimin watches you curiously, but remains silent to let you continue.

“We had dinner, and we played arcade games and we walked around. And he was so… fuck, he was perfect. It was like dating the guy of my dreams.”

Jimin nods knowingly.

“And it surprised you how much you liked him.”

“Yeah,” you sniffle. “At the end, he was holding my hand and just talking about normal, stupid Jungkook shit, but this time it felt like more. Like, I felt in my heart that I wanted to be the one he always talked to about it. I wanted to be the one he came home to at night.”

Jimin pats your cheek lovingly, the care for his sister-in-law clear in his gaze.

“You don’t just like him, honey. I think you might even love him.”

You pull baby Jisoo tighter into your grasp and nod, pathetic tears slipping down your face.

“I just left him. Like, I ran away from him like an asshole.”

Namjoon grunts and takes a spot next to Jimin. “If he loves you, which I’m sure he does, he’ll still be waiting for you.”

Jimin nods and rests a hand on his husband's back. “But you better have one hell of an apology.”

Jungkook doesn’t answer your phone calls. He doesn’t respond to your texts, snapchats or Instagram DM’s. He doesn’t even look at the TikToks you sent him! It’s becoming infuriating to get in touch with him.

You take matters into your own hands and storm to his apartment after work, the rising tension in your shoulders and stomach full of rocks an indicator of your anxiety about the future of this relationship.

Jungkook opens the door wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweats. All the carefully crafted words exit your mind at light

speed and you’re left gasping, wide-eyed at the chiseled body of your best friend.

“Can I help you?” He asks, tone flat.

Ouch.

You push past him into the apartment you know so well. “Yeah, you could start by answering your phone.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes and closes the door, then heads back towards the large gaming setup in the living room.

“My apologies for not responding to the girl who literally ran away from me on a date.”

Your cheeks heat uncomfortably as you stand in the center of his living room, arms crossed over your chest.

“Jungkook, listen. I’m—”

“Please,” he shakes his head as he sits down at the impressive gaming chair. “Save the apologies. I get it.”

“You don’t get it!” You say, exasperated. “You don’t get any of it! That’s why I’m here.”

Jungkook narrows a look at you then stands from his chair. Slowly, he makes his way towards you and stands inches from your face. The proximity of his bare, toned chest to your body makes your throat dry.

“No, you don’t get it.” His voice is threateningly quiet, completely different from his usual chipper tone.

“Jungkook, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” He quirks his head sarcastically, and you’re struck by the sharp lines of his jaw. “Sorry for running away from the date? Sorry for going on a date? Sorry for making me feel like I had a fucking chance when you kissed me?”

You swallow hard and open your mouth to reply, but he cuts you off.

“I’m sorry too. For giving myself way too much hope that this could ever be something. I’m sorry for myself for thinking you’d at least respect me enough to reject me politely.”

“You always had a chance!” You can feel tears building in your eyes and Jungkook feels his heart pound in his chest like a drum.

He scoffs, a harsh and mirthless laugh. “Clearly not.”

“I just—,” you start. “I never saw you like that before and suddenly you became everything I’ve ever dreamed of. It was like getting hit by a train, Kook! Suddenly my best friend turned into the man of my dreams.”

He shakes his head, stepping back away from you.

“I really find it hard to believe you,” he whispers. “I can’t let myself hope.”

“Jungkook, please,” you beg as tears start slipping down your face. “Please believe me.”

“Just leave,” he sighs. “I hate making you cry.”

You want so badly to wrap yourself in his arms, cry into his chest like you always do when you’re hurt. But you stand still, frozen in your shame and embarrassment of hurting your best friend so badly.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, before you spin around as quickly as you can and leave Jungkook’s apartment in a flurry.

He watches as the door slams behind you, eyes full of sadness and regret. As much as he wants to believe you, have faith in every word you said, he can’t allow himself to get his hopes up again.

He can’t watch you run away from him again.

“Welcome back to Kookie’s Wild Weekly Walkthrough!” Jungkook cheers as enthusiastically as he can through his microphone. “The weekly segment where I react to your Minecraft worlds!”

Jungkook needed to dive back into streaming to take his mind off of you. He hasn’t left his apartment in days, only subsisting on takeout and coffee. At least he was making more money and his subscribers didn’t seem to mind the up-tick in content.

“Tonight I’ll be walking through a creation sent by,” he squints at the username. “‘Kookiesgal95’ Aww that’s cute.”

He readies the content and starts his camera as he watches the YouTube link. His subscribers love his reaction videos—it’s a highly requested segment.

The video starts off easily, a generic Minecraft world that looks like a park.

“Hi Kook.”

The voice that reverberates through his headphones makes him pause the video quickly, wide-eyed with recognition.

It’s you. He’d know that voice from a million others.

Shit. He’s going to have to edit so much of this clip. He’s staring at the screen as if he’s just seen a ghost.

Unsteadily, he clicks play again and watches as you lead him through your Minecraft creation.

“I wanted to recreate something for someone very special in my life.”

Jungkook doesn’t even bother to react to this anymore. This entire video is going to be worthless—there’s nothing he can say.

The video pans around the Minecraft setup and he can see what looks like handmade swings and merry go rounds.

“It took me a really long time to do this and an embarrassing amount of help from some twelve-year-olds on the internet.”

He laughs and is stunned by the wet tears rolling down his cheeks. He hadn’t realized he was crying.

“I re-created a park that is really special to my best friend and I.”

He feels his chest tighten and relax. The park.

“This is the spot where he held me when my dog died when I was nine. I still miss that dog.”

The view is on a spot next to a blocky oak tree. Jungkook remembers that day, remembers your heartbroken sobs as he whispered words of comfort to you. He misses that dog, too.

“This is where he and my brother got in a fight when we were eleven, because my brother called me a stupid-head. My best friend has always been protective of me, even from my own big brother.”

He can still remember pushing Namjoon around after hearing him call you names. He pushed Namjoon over and threatened to use his “big muscles” if he did it again.

The camera pans to an enormous structure, rather sloppily made, of a slide and monkey bars.

“This is where we first shared a joint in high school. I coughed a lung up and he ran down the street to a gas station at ten pm to get me a bottle of water even though I told him I was okay,”

The memory of the bewildered 7-11 employee plays through his mind. The man watched as a very stoned, very out of breath, Jungkook paid for a bottle of water in coins.

The video continues playing, moves towards what appears to be a parking lot made of cobblestone blocks.

“This is where he held me when my world fell apart.”

The break-up. The way you cried and cried and cried in his arms and he held you as if you were the only thing left on Earth.

“This is where he reminded me I’m worthy of love, that I’m not broken. This is where he held me like I was delicate, but treated me like I was unbreakable.”

His tears don’t stop. Jungkook feels his heart thundering in his chest like a summer storm.

He can hear your sniffles through the recording of the video—you were crying too. It pans around to the swing set.

“And this is where I’ll tell him everything, tonight. Where I’ll tell him how deeply I love him and how I want to make him the happiest guy in the world. In all of Minecraft and beyond. I hope he comes.”

Jungkook doesn’t even bother turning his camera off.

Instead, he’s running to change out of his three-day-old clothes and bolt out the door.

The creaky, rusty metal of the swing set is deafeningly loud in the silence of your park.

It’s dark, just a few street lights around to illuminate the perimeter, but it’s otherwise only lit by the moon.

It’s getting cold. You shiver in your hoodie and kick at the dirt under your swing.

Maybe he didn’t see the video. Maybe he wasn’t going to show.

Maybe it was too late.

You spent hours working on the Minecraft world, staying up at all hours of the night to build and craft a poor re-creation of this park. The twelve-year-olds on Reddit had been invaluable and Namjoon definitely made fun of you for your creative assistants. But it had all been worth it.

“Fuck,” you speak out loud to no one, as you try to warm your hands in the pockets of your sweater. “It’s cold.”

“You should have brought a jacket.”

The sudden voice from behind startles you. You hop off the swing and whip around to face down the intruder.

Jungkook.

He looks so good. He’s wearing a thick coat and tight jeans. Your eyes take a delicious journey from head to toe.

He can’t help but preen at your blatant appreciation. He enjoys knowing you’re attracted to him, at least physically.

“You came.”

He nods and takes a nervous step towards you. He’s still far away, more than an arm's-reach away. You’re desperate to bring him closer, to pull him tight against your body and wrap yourself around him. You never want to be without his gentle touch again.

“I felt pretty compelled to come after you made all this in Minecraft for me.” He cracks a wry smile, a boy-ish grin that makes your heart flutter.

“It took me twenty-five hours and some teenagers to help.”

He laughs, a beautiful sound that warms you. “I’m sure they were ecstatic to help.”

You chew at the inside of your cheek, nervous at what he thinks about your in-game confession.

“Did you mean it?” He asks. He steps closer—one more step.

“Every word.”

His eyes are searching yours for the truth, desperately diving into the depths for validity.

“Why did you run away?” Another step.

You swallow hard, heavy tears brimming in your eyes.

“You went from being the silly best friend to being the person I could spend the rest of my life with. It all hit me. It’s always been you.”

One more step and now he’s just within your reach. If you stuck your hand out, your fingers would graze the soft puff of his coat, the delicate skin of his neck.

“I’ve always felt that way about you. I never thought you’d feel the same.”

You smile softly, timidly. “It just took me a little while longer to realize it.”

All at once, Jungkook closes the gap and holds you gently by your cheeks. His thumbs wipe at the moisture under your eyes.

“I promise to never make you cry again,” he whispers reverently.

“And I promise to never run away from you again.”

Jungkook smiles at that, cradling your face like you’re the most expensive and precious jewel.

“Can I kiss you again?” He asks, somewhat unsure of himself.

“I would like it if you would.”

As Jungkook presses his cold, plush lips to your own, you make a promise to yourself to never go a day without kissing him again.

“I can’t believe you’re in my bedroom,” Jungkook murmurs as he kisses at your face. After the park, Jungkook loaded you into his priceless Nissan and scurried home. You could hardly keep your hands off him as he drove you back to his place—reaching and caressing the spots on his body you’re dying to become familiar with.

“I’ve been in your bedroom before,” you remind him as he tugs up the hoodie you’re wearing.

“God, don’t be so semantic when I’m trying to fuck you,” he says before throwing the hoodie to a corner of the room. “You know what I mean.”

Jungkook kisses you again, all lips and teeth and tongue. He kisses you like you’re the last breath of air, and he’s greedy for every bit. He grips your hips, not too tight, and brings your body against his. You can feel him grow in hardness in his too tight, and it feels like bliss.

Teasingly, you grind your hips against his, making him shudder with desire.

“I want you,” he whines as he nibbles at your lip.

“Really? I couldn’t tell.”

He opens his eyes to level a look at you, pulling his mouth away from yours.

“You’re such a little smartass.”

His hands become feverish on your jeans, tugging apart the button and flicking down the fly. He pushes them down quickly, and you kick them off carelessly.

He can’t stop looking at you in your bra and panties, standing at the foot of his bed.

“Holy shit, okay, this is happening, right? Like, this is real?”

You smirk, pleased with Jungkook’s obvious excitement.

“Let me prove it’s not just a dream.”

Softly, you spin Jungkook around and push him down to sit on his bed. He complies easily, eyes wide and excited.

“If this is a dream, would you be able to feel this?” You ask as you unbuckle his belt and open his jeans. He doesn’t reply, simply watches you as you tug his jeans down to his thighs.

His cock strains hard against his tight boxers, and you run a teasing finger over the obvious bulge.

“Oh fuck,” he breathes.

“Feels pretty real, huh?”

“Y-yeah.”

Your delicate hands gently tug at the waistband of his boxers and easily work them down enough to free the length of his cock. It springs out easily and your eyes widen at the impressive size. You assumed he would be at least average, but you’re looking at something definitely more.

“Oh wow,” you whisper. “You’re fucking huge.”

Jungkook grins. “All for you, baby.” The cockiness is palpable.

One solid grip around him wipes the presumptuous smile off his face, replaced with a gasping, shuddering moan.

“How about this? Not a dream?”

He struggles to find his voice, instead he’s gulping for air like a fish out of water.

“That’s what I thought,” you whisper before settling into a position on your knees. “I’ll admit, I’ve dreamt about this too. I always felt so ashamed for dreaming about sucking my best friend's cock.”

You press soft kisses to the head of his length, teasing the sensitive areas at the tip before kissing up and down the length.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

His evident desire for you encourages you, and your tongue swipes at the crown of his tip and swirls around it gently.

“Oh my god.” His eyes shutter closed and you trace the veins in his dick with your tongue.

“This h-has to be a dreeeaaaaam,” he whines as you make an exceptionally long stripe with the flat of your tongue.

You pull off for a moment, humming. He springs his eyes open and watches as you reach behind your back and unsnap your bra. Your breasts escape with a bounce and his eyes widen, nearly bulging out of their sockets.

“What the fuck,” he whines. “You have the most amazing tits.”

He reaches out to grasp them and you slap them away playfully.

“Not yet,” you smirk. “Still trying to convince you you’re not asleep.”

He sucks in his breath and puts his hands back to the bed to steady himself, eyes never leaving yours (except to stare at the luscious curves of your body).

Grasping your breasts in both hands, you smash them together lightly in an elaborate show of what Jungkook wants most. You lean over his body and place the throbbing thickness of his cock in between your tits, allowing him to feel just how soft and warm they are.

“Shit!” He yelps, grabbing his sheets in a tight fist. “Are you really tit-fucking me right now?!”

Slowly, you lift your body up and down, allowing his cock to feel each stroke of your breasts. You nod at his question and continue to pump up and down.

“Still dreaming?”

He whines and shakes his head, already feeling so close to the edge. His cock is slick from your teasing licks and the pressure of your tits surrounding him had his mind spinning with desire.

“Ahhh, I’m so fucking close,” he warns.

You continue, speeding up the friction and pressure of your strokes.

“I want you to cum on me, Kook,” you whisper encouragingly. “Cum on my tits, please?”

Jungkook feels like he’s a wire about to snap, and your thick, sultry voice and incredibly perfect breasts are the snips that breaks him apart.

“Oh, shit,” he grunts. “Gonna paint your titties white, baby.”

His moans echo around the walls of his bedroom, small gasps of pleasure and your name escaping his perfectly plump pout.

His hot load splatters on your chest, and you stroke him through each pulse of his cock. You’re slippery with his seed now, and when you pull away from his spent length, you make a show of rubbing in his cum over your chest.

“Okay, definitely not dreaming,” he says in a daze as he watches you lift a wet finger to your mouth, popping it in to clean it off. “Who knew you were so fucking kinky?”

His confidence grows as he catches his breath. He can’t believe he’s sitting on his bed with you on your knees, breasts covered in his load. You’re suckling the cum off your finger like it’s his cock, and he’s desperate for more.

“There are lots of things you don’t know about me,” you shrug.

Swiftly, he grabs you gently by your bicep and pulls you close, sucking at your lips until you’re both standing.

“I plan to find out everything.”

Suddenly, you’re switching positions and Jungkook is pushing you down into the bed. You lay flat in the center, body relaxed and eager for your best friend.

“What are you doing?” You ask. He’s still standing at the end of the bed, watching you get comfortable. Once he’s satisfied that you’re lying exactly how you want, he settles himself by your feet.

“Worshipping you,” he says as he lifts an ankle and presses gentle kisses to your calf. “Showing you how much I adore you.” More kisses, soft and sweet. “Showing you how I plan on treating you for the rest of your life.”

He takes his time, lavishing your legs with his mouth. He kisses and sucks at any spot, sexual or not. He mouths at the roundness of your knees, your firm hamstrings. He presses his love into the skin of your thighs, mouthing his praises with each kiss.

He reaches the dip of your hips and he gently kisses your exposed skin as he tugs your cotton panties off you.

“I have loved every inch of you since before I can remember,” he praises as his lips skim over the mound of your cunt. “And I don’t plan on stopping soon.”

Your body feels like it’s on fire, as if Jungkook lights a match at every spot his lips press against. Your eyes close, and you allow Jungkook to continue his pious worship of your body.

He teases around your folds, kissing your labia ever so gently—making you gasp. He doesn’t linger long, only kisses you enough to stir the licking flames of heat in your belly.

He kisses at your stomach, gently nibbling and laving at the softness there. You try to hide from him, try to hide your insecurities of your body in his thorough exploration, but he moves your hands.

“I know you don’t like this part of your body,” he murmurs. His voice is so soft, so pure and sincere. “But I do. I love everything about you.”

His tongue swirls around your belly button, making you gasp at the ticklish sensation.

“You’re so pretty. So perfect.”

He continues upwards, lips now trailing to your full breasts. He takes his time there, licking and kissing and flicking at your nipples with his tongue. It feels exhilarating—Jungkook’s mouth feels like everything you want it to feel like. His tongue is warm, and he bites with just enough pressure to make your back arch off the bed into his embrace.

His hands explore, taking stock of every millimeter of skin he can find. He wants to memorize every freckle, every bump, every scar and line. Your body is his paradise, and all he can think of is you, you, you.

One hand travels down your body as he moves his lips up your neck. It snakes down your stomach and deftly slides over your soaked core. You whine as you feel his fingers part your folds and dip into the wetness.

“So wet,” he says out loud, verbalizing every tantalizing detail of your body. “So perfect.”

His lips are finally at your own and you kiss him passionately, tongue swirling around his as he slides his two fingers past your clit and into your drenched hole. You gasp against his mouth, eyes widening as he slowly scissors his fingers into you and pumps slowly. It’s almost teasing, the way he fucks his fingers in you. Slow, firm movements with his powerful hands.

“Jungkook!” You gasp. He doesn’t reply, instead he bites at your lip and tugs, then trails his hot mouth back down to your nipples. He can’t get enough of your breasts and the slightly salty taste of him still lingering.

“You feel so good,” he says as he speeds his fingers up minutely. “So tight and wet for me.”

Your hips writhe in need. He’s giving you what you need, but not enough. You need more, more. You want to feel him, all of him, spearing you open.

“Please, Kook,” you groan. “I need you.”

He laughs softly against your nipple and sucks extra hard, letting it pop out of his mouth audibly.

“And I need you, my love.”

“Fuck me, please.” You’re desperate, thighs quaking from the slow teasing. “I want you to fuck me, Jungkook.”

Chills shudder down Jungkook’s spine and he’s powerless to say no, not when you demand it so well.

“With pleasure,” he agrees. He pulls his fingers from within you and copies your move, sliding them into his mouth to suck your essence off.

He’s never looked sexier. His eyes are dark chocolate pools of burning intensity, and you feel your breath become shaky as you watch him clean his fingers with precision.

After he’s deemed his fingers sufficiently clean, he settles himself between your legs. Easily, he lifts your hips and shoves a pillow underneath, elevating you to a more comfortable position. He grabs your legs and tosses each over his shoulders so they’re higher in the air.

“I’m going to fuck you so good, baby,” he promises as he rubs the tip of his cock on your soppy slit. “Condom?”

You shake your head, appreciative of his question but desperate to feel him completely.

“Birth control. Regularly tested. Haven’t had sex in a while,” you blurt out. “You good?”

He nods in agreement. “Same. Well, except the birth control. But, I’d take it if they made it for men.”

“Jungkook!” You whine. Your best friend is so easily sidetracked. “Please, can you fuck me?”

He grins. “Tsk, someone is impatient.”

A low moan is rumbling in your chest as he continues to rub his thick cock at your entrance.

“I swear to god, you’re the biggest tease.”

“Oh, I’m definitely the biggest.”

Before you can react, he’s pushing past your entrance and sliding deep in your walls. Your position makes his cock feel deep, and he bottoms out and stills there, eyes closed in bliss.

“Holy shit,” he gasps. “This is absolutely the best pussy I’ve ever felt.”

You wiggle your hips as you get used to the sensation of the delicious stretch.

“Please don’t tell me how many pussies you’ve felt when you’re balls deep inside of me.”

Jungkook turns his head and kisses at your legs resting on his shoulders, lavishing them with his praise once more as he keeps his cock buried inside your tight heat.

“Yours is the only one that matters. The only pussy I’ll ever be in for the rest of my life.”

“That’s a good answer,” you smile. “Now, fuck me, lover boy.”

Jungkook winks and grips your hips with his hands. He swiftly pulls out, enamored with the way his cock is already covered in your creamy essence, then eagerly pushes back in. He sets a pace and soon the sound of skin clapping on skin echoes around the room.

“Oh god!” You’re moaning loudly, unabashedly. You’re thankful that Jungkook’s old roommate, Yoongi, moved out to live with his boyfriend Hoseok months ago. He’d definitely complain about the noise for months. “Fuck, Jungkook, you feel so good.”

Jungkook fucks into you with ferocity, speed and power gradually rising as he feels his core tighten with the coming anticipation of release.

“Mmm, you look so fucking sexy like this,” he murmurs. “Getting fucked by your best friend’s fat cock.”

He moves a hand from your hip, trails it up your body to squeeze at your breast, before he’s cupping your face once again. His hips snap against yours and he loves the way your mouth utters little squeaks and gasps with each deep thrust into you.

“God, my beautiful girl,” he groans. “Can’t wait to cum in this pussy, shit, you got me so fucking close.”

You open your mouth desperately and Jungkook easily slips his thumb in. You latch on quickly and suck, tongue swirling around the tip like you’re sucking another cock. It nearly sends him over the edge and the speed of his hips matches his desperate need for more.

“Fucking hell,” he bites back. He can feel his belly tighten, driven further and further to the edge by the constricting wetness of your cunt.

He pulls his thumb out and moves it down to where his cock spears into you, allowing your spit to swirl with his thumb around your clit. Your core tightens around him at the added stimulation and your back arches up in ecstasy.

“I’m so c-close, Kook,” you plead, as if begging for mercy. “Please, I want to cum so bad.”

The speed of his thumb increases, and he watches as your face twists in pleasure and desperation.

“Cum on my cock, baby, let me see you fall apart. Show me what I’ve dreamt of for so long.”

A high and wanton cry ripples out of your body as he savagely increases his speed, both his cock and thumb working overtime to drive you towards your end. The butterflies that erupt in your lower stomach make your moans louder, higher. You’re so close, closer than ever. It’s building to an incredible crescendo.

He can tell you’re close—he sees it on your face as your back arches and your fists grip his sheets.

“You look like a fucking angel, baby,” he whines as he soaks in the vision of you writhing underneath him. “I bet you cum like an angel, too. Let me see it, let me see.”

With just a few more swirls of his thumb and his deep, hard strokes, you’re soaring over the edge into a pool of nothingness. Your cunt pulsates wildly around his length, milking and stroking it with your tight walls. You throw your head back, moaning out his name at the top of his lungs, letting his neighbors know just who fucks you so well.

“Holy shit,” he gasps, hips stuttering as he fucks into your juicy hole. “That was so fucking sexy.”

You grip his forearms, holding onto him tight and encourage him to go harder. “Cum inside me, Kookie, please. I’m all yours, make me yours.”

His heart feels like it might burst in his chest. He’s always wanted you to say it to him, to hand over your love to him like he does so easily to you. It’s all so much, so overwhelming, and the feeling of your hot cunt still fluttering around him sends him reeling into his own completion.

He spills into you, warm seed coating your walls and pooling inside your womb. He fucks himself through each throb of his cock until he’s sure he’s drained every ounce of himself into you.

Your legs slip off his shoulders easily, and he gently pulls himself out of you. He falls beside you, panting with exertion, and wraps an arm around you.

After a few silent moments of catching your breath, Jungkook pulls you in close to him until he can koala-cling to you, arms and legs both wrapped around your body.

“Mine,” he whispers as he kisses your head. “All mine.”

You return the favor, clinging to your best friend—boyfriend—like he’s your only lifeline.

“All yours.”

“So, you’re telling me, you got together because of Minecraft?” Jimin asks, pointing a fork in your direction. It’s been months now since your grand virtual declaration of love for Jungkook. Months of bliss and romance, laughter and companionship.

You were right all along. Jungkook is everything you’ve wanted in a man and more.

You’re sitting at your brother’s expensive dinner table, enjoying a meal with his family with your boyfriend at your side.

“Yeah, Jimin, I guess that’s what I’m saying,” you retort as you roll your eyes. “Minecraft and Tinder.”

Baby Jisoo is awake and in your brother’s arms, but she’s whining and wiggling to leave him.

“What’s wrong, Soo?” Namjoon asks with a pout on his lips. “Why don’t you want daddy anymore?”

Jimin snorts at his husband and you hold out your arms for your baby niece. “Come here, baby, I know you want auntie.”

Namjoon dutifully hands over his daughter, sulking that he’s been picked over for his sister.

You cradle the baby in your arms, expecting her to calm once she’s there, but she continues to fuss. She’s thrusting her arms out and nearly crying, reaching towards Jungkook who’s busy chowing down on Jimin’s homemade ramen.

“I think she wants you, Kook,” you murmur. He looks at you, then to the baby, then back to you, before he wipes his hands and face clean with a napkin.

“Oh, okay,” he whispers, slowly taking the baby from your arms with your help. “Hello, ma’am.”

Namjoon and Jimin laugh. “She’s a baby, Jungkook, not an elderly woman,” your brother teases.

Jungkook doesn’t listen. He’s too busy cooing at the baby in his arms and playing with her tiny hands. Namjoon turns his attention away and looks at you.

“Guess I won’t be the only provider of grandchildren for much longer.”

You playfully glare at him and turn away to watch your boyfriend. Watching Jungkook interact with your niece makes your heart swell, your soul sing. He’d be a perfect father.

“I swear, if he teaches her how to play Minecraft, he’s banned from the household,” Jimin grumbles. “This is a No-Nerd-Zone.”

Jungkook cradles the child and rocks back and forth, singing her a soft, made-up song, before he looks over at you.

“Hey, I want one of these,” he smiles. “Can we have one?”

You lay a hand on your stomach, a soft bump not quite visible yet. It’s only been one test, the lines faintly indicating ‘positive’ on the stick. You wanted to make sure, get confirmation before you spill the beans.

“Sure, Kookie.”

He grins and leans over to kiss you, before turning his attention back to the baby. “Okay, Jisoo, now let me tell you all about the Endermen.”

Jimin groans. “Oh my god, do not give Minecraft facts to my infant!”

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#bts smut #jungkook smut #bts fic #jeon jungkook smut #jungkook #ficswithluv #jjk smut #bts fics #jjk fic #jungkook fic

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iphigeniainaulis · 2 years ago

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Summary: nothing important, just my personal opinion on the symbolism of eyes, accessories and the Moon in Ikevamp

Warnings: minor spoilers for all routes, mild spoilers for Shakespeare and Faust

I just want to say that Ikevamp is probably one of the best otome games in terms of character design. So many tiny details, and the more you read, the more hints you actually find.

Let's take, for example, Shakespeare. The Act 1 suggests that the Bard of Avon is the main villain of the story. He knows about the revival of the Duke of Wellington and Antonio Salieri, plays a major role in Vincent and MC’s separation, helps Gauguin to bring Theo to the cliff where they play cops and robbers and just acts suspicious in Leo’s route. Many routes include this chapter where Comte rushes to Will’s private villa and asks whether he is behind the drama with historical figures being brought back to life.

However, Act 2 slowly but gradually dents our confidence. Here we get a chance to meet with the mysterious ‘shade’ in church and find out that during all this time Will has been a double agent. As the story unfolds, Shakespeare’s portrayal also begins to change, especially in terms of his attitude towards Vlad’s ambitions and methods used to achieve them. William from Act 1 acts like a mad genius who is in desperate need of a tragedy that can move everyone's heart, and he won’t hesitate to do everything he can to create his masterpiece. But Will in Act 2 reveals the duality of his soul, showing us that behind that mask of evil goodness there is room for fears, questions doubting the fundamentals of his lord’s moral views and actions Will has to perform himself as his agent on the way to building ‘a perfect future’. In Jean’s route, for example, William is genuinely frightened with Vlad using his power to control Gilles de Rais’s mind, driving the former solder to the point of madness, and Dazai’s route proves that this feeling of pure horror further leads to triggering Will’s psychological trauma as he receives the greater vampire’s ‘gift’. Shakespeare’s own route puts an end to Will’s moral searches, giving an answer regarding what side the writer chooses to be on.

The looks and costumes help us to follow the character’s story. The most catching part of Will’s appearance seems to be his famous heterochromia, the symbolism of which has been probably discussed earlier, so I'll point at the key moments. The bard’s right eye is the color of gold while his left eye is crimson red. And for a good reason.

The red color is considered to be polysemantic. In some cultures it is used to describe love, energy and the welcoming heat of fire, in others — it stands for blood which reminds of wars, danger and violence. There is, however, one thing that unites all these feelings, and it is called passion. Passion can give us energy and strength to move forward, but it can also blind us with anger and jealousy.

Shakespeare is blind both physically and metaphorically. His red eye is blurry with blood as a result of a childhood’s disease, thus he can’t see anything with it. At the same time, William’s mind is obnubilated with the fear of being not good enough — which is basically the main symptom of the impostor syndrome, hence his desire to write the best tragedy possible in order to prove everyone, himself included, that he does have the talent many praise him for.

The other eye is golden. Here my guess is that this color is mentioned as the opposite to the darkness caused by William’s half-blindness. Golden is another word for ‘light’ desired by Shakespeare’s kind side. This bright side of him makes Shakespeare cherish and enjoy his friendship with Vincent (though it still doesn't prevent him from using the painter as the main source of information coming from the mansion). This kindness dictates Will to help MC when she is attacked by those bastards in the first chapters of his own route. And this very gentleness of his heart is a driving force for his inner protest to Vlad’s wish to kidnap MC in Comte’s route. As you remember, Shakespeare obeyed his lord’s command only under the brainwashing spells and later expressed sincere regrets regarding not being able to stop the pureblood.

The combination of good and evil, red and golden is an allusion to William's connection with both Vlad (whose eyes resemble crimson moon) and Comte (in the prologue MC describes his gaze as ‘spun gold’).

Why do I mention the character’s costume at the beginning? Because it enables us to answer what side Will is on even without reading his story.

If we look at the attire of the Evil Trio, we can actually see that everyone wears a small crescent moon shaped brooch — a particular sign of belonging to their secret community.

William doesn't have one.

🌙

This is where I was originally planning to stop. In spite of it, I got really interested in the meaning behind those brooches, so I decided to delve a little bit deeper. Again, these are only my own speculations. Probably, Vlad’s route contains the explanation, and I'm dumb. But I haven’t read it yet, so let’s continue.

In general, we can analyze the symbolism behind the crescent moon in two different ways, relying on our knowledge of either mythology or heraldry.

The crescent symbol has been used in various legends as a divine attribute. In Ancient Greek and Roman mythology the crescent moon is said to represent Selene/Luna, lunar goddess, and some stories suggest that the curves of the crescent shape remind the bow used by Diana, the goddess of hunt. In ancient Egypt people honored the moon god Khonsu whose name can be translated as ‘a traveler’ — a pretty interesting coincidence, considering Vlad’s abilities to travel through times and spaces as an immortal vampire and by using the door. Thus, the crescent shaped brooch may point at the pureblood’s divine origins, explaining on of the reasons why other immortals call him ‘the son of God’.

On the other hand, the brooch can be a reference to Vlad’s homeland.

This picture illustrates the coat-of-arms of the Hunyadi family from which, according to some historians, comes the coat-of-arms of Wallachia, the region ruled by the House of Draculesti. A black raven is depicted in the center with a ring in its beak. Later on, the Hunyadi coat-of-arms was added with the image of the crescent in the top right.

This tradition was further fixed during the reign of Mircea I, the grandfather of Vlad the Impaler, though it slightly differed from the original image as we can see the cross occurring in the central part of Mircea’s seal.

The same image was on the seal of Radu IV, Vlad’s nephew, with the moon replaced to the left.

Not only that, during the period when Vlad was the Voivode of Wallachia he ordered to mint new trade coins. Up until today only two such coins were described in Romanian numismatic papers. This is one of them with the image of Vlad’s coat-of-arms inside the inner linear circle. Inside the first field there is a waxing half moon and a six ray star below it.

Curious as it is, if we overlay the shapes of a moon and a cross one another, we’ll get the image most close to the original version of the Trio’s brooch.

Nevertheless, I wouldn't dismiss the third idea that the crescent brooch represents fate that brought everyone together in the XIX century.

To begin with, the moon plays several roles in the game. Visibly, it acts as a mirror reflecting MC’s feelings and inner thoughts. The prologue shows how much she is frightened of the sudden changes in her life and the prospect of not being able to go back home. XIXth century France is dangerous, and this specific view of the world is emphasized with the nature descriptions. That's why in Arthur’s route the crescent moon is written as a ‘gibbering madman’s smile in the dark sky’, in Vincent's route — as a ‘mocking grin’ fueling MC’s anxiety.

The Moon in Ikevamp universe, however, is often described as a silent embodiment of fate, the theme of which runs through the story like a golden thread. The crescent moon takes the role of a powerful force, guiding MC through the door (in Isaac’s route MC even asks herself, 'Had that moon guided me? Was I under its sway?'), dominating behind the walls of the Musee du Louvre (in Leonardo’s route MC thinks, ‘I wound up in an eventime world ruled by a crescent moon’).

The epilogues of some of the stories contain the scene where MC is shown to enjoy the view of the sky and remembers how the same crescent she saw on her very first night in the mansion was a harbinger of a major turning point in her life. A very clever choice of structuring writing as it allows to logically loop the plot.

🌗

This is where I need to stop, but I want to say just a few more words about two other members of the Trio. Faust and Charles. What does the crescent mean for them?

Now, I’m not a huge fan of searching for a black cat in a dark room, especially if there is no one there. This is the exact reason why I had to abandon the theory about the link between the brooch and Charles's past as an executioner. It's too far-fetched whereas we have a far more satisfying answer. Wearing the brooch, Faust and Charles show loyalty to their sire. At least, in the case of Charles it does seem true, taking into account his obsession with Vlad.

But with Faust it's a bit more complicated.

The central conflict in his route is called 'man against self' or, more precisely, a priest searching for and finding the lost faith. These searches stem from a plethora of moral dilemmas such as the right of a man wearing a cross to rebel against God watching the injustice of the world; the existence of so-called ‘fair sacrifice’ when in order to save hundreds of lives you have to kill one or vice versa.

Faust himself is portrayed as a ridiculously cynical and unprincipled man who doesn't scorn to experiment on corps and sincerely despises any sign of human weaknesses. At the same time, this very man is the one who supplements the citizens with the medicine without taking any money, spends his free time with orphans and despite looking genuinely annoyed cares about their well-being, knowing too well what it's like to be deprived of love and compassion. He’s given up on merciful Heaven because he’s never been a subject of mercy. Still, everyday he goes to church and listens to confessions of his parishioners.

I don't want to spoil other details of his route, but I think it's of particular importance to discuss MC’s words she tells him in the final chapters. As I understand, their meaning is somehow close to

‘your hands are what give others hope’

This is such a beautiful and touching way of saying that despite Faust telling her multiple times that he sees no hope in the future, in reality he carries it deep inside his heart. Otherwise, he wouldn't see the point in being revived as a vampire and rebelling the very principles of the world’s existence, he wouldn't listen and give a helping hand to the praying people in church, knowing a common belief that a person can to speak to God via priests as his voice on Earth.

No matter how hard the obstacles were, how painful and lonely he felt, Faust never wanted to lose hope and faith in his abilities to change his destiny by creating a world where everyone’s prayer can be heard.

How on Earth is the crescent moon involved here?

At this moment you should know I am a myth nerd.

The crescent was associated with goddess Hekate in the Roman Time Period and in Late Antiquity. While she wasn't originally a lunar goddess and a part of the Pantheon, Hekate was still known as the deity of dark magic, medicine and necromancy. Faust, as mentioned before, is attracted to alchemy, pharmaceutical and paranormal studies as well as experiments on the dead. According to the legend, he also used to practice witchcraft.

Alongside with that, Hekate had an important mission of guiding the lost souls. A crescent, her attribute, was incorporated in many poems and writings as a metaphor for hope that the moonlight gives to travelers as they try to see the road in the darkness of the night.

So, Faust’s crescent shaped brooch in the game may be another way of proving that in spite of all his bravada and claimed indifference, the truth is he always wears hope on his chest, though he can't see it as he doesn't listen to his heart (that's why the brooch is on the right and not on the left).

Hope drives him forward, makes him use everything he can —knowledge, experience, will — to create a brighter future. Hope creates aspiration, and aspiration nourishes hope. In fact, this is what brings Ikevamp Faust close to Goethe's character.

In Part I Scene I: Night there is a marvelous monologue of Faust addressing the moon.

‘O, may you look, full moon that shines, On my pain for this last time: So many midnights from my desk, I have seen you, keeping watch: When over my books and paper, Saddest friend, you appear!’

He wishes to leave the material world he lives in in order to achieve his greatest goal — to learn the irreversible laws of the universe. As he speaks, the moon becomes something more than a lifeless object, it represents his aspiration, distant and difficult, almost impossible.

‘… And need you ask why my heart Makes such tremors in my breast? Why all my life-energies are Choked by some unknown distress?’

#ikemen series #ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp shakespeare #ikevam vlad #ikevam arthur #ikevam leonardo #ikevamp theo #ikevamp faust #ikevamp charles #ikevamp comte #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp jean #ikevamp vincent #ikevamp napoleon

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cilil · 5 months ago

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𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑻𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆: 𝑺𝒆𝒂

In the previous parts we examined the parallels between Fëanor and Melkor and then moved on to explore how this led to them going through parallel character arcs, as well as a slightly alternate/additional reading of the Morgoth as a concept. With all that in mind, we have to take a look at the other side now: What are some key differences between Fëanor and Melkor and which conclusions can we draw from that, particularly in regards to Fëanor and the state/possibility of his redemption?

(I feel like I should preface this by saying that you could probably find a lot of differences if you analyzed every situation these two found themselves in - the same goes for their parallels as discussed in part one - and this post won't cover all of them exhaustively. I decided to stick to what I feel like is a good selection, but I would be delighted to see any additions you may find.)

First of all, there's the relationship Fëanor and Melkor have with their fathers/father figures. Fëanor loved Finwë greatly, even worrying about him more than the Silmarils when he heard about the attack on Formenos. One may argue that Finwë's favoring of Fëanor wasn't the healthiest parenting choice specifically in regards to his other children, but this discussion would go beyond the scope of this analysis, so for the purposes of this post we'll leave it at that and note that Fëanor and Finwë had a loving and caring father-son relationship.

Melkor meanwhile doesn't have a father in the traditional sense, he's a created being, but Eru has decided to present himself as a father to his creations. Regardless of whether his relationship with individual Ainur does or even can resemble incarnate father-son relationships, Melkor doesn't have a good relationship with Eru to say the least. When he's scolded for disrupting the Ainulindalë several times, he feels shame and later very deliberately attacks, hurts and kills Ilúvatar's Children. The way Melkor seduced early humans into worshipping him reveals that at least one of his motives is indeed to either usurp Eru or at least attempt to "hurt" him and his status as God in some way. He also breaks every law and rule he can.

What do these different father-son relationships reveal about the differences between Melkor and Fëanor? I see Fëanor's love for Finwë (among other loving relationships he has, more on that later) as a sort of anchor that he could use to pull himself out of the self-destructive, almost nihilistic mindset discussed above. Aside from the fact that Melkor's crimes were both more numerous and more grievous, he doesn't have that anchor and little to no incentive to mend his relationship with Eru - at most fear which is not a good basis for a healthy relationship.

Another obvious difference when it comes to relationships is that Fëanor is married and Melkor isn't. Melkor has, depending on which versions of the story you read and how you choose to interpret certain lines, merely attempted to get married or at least start a sexual relationship with women and failed spectacularly every time.

Fëanor on the other hand was (and still is, since Elven divorce is not really a thing) married to Nerdanel. They had a good relationship until the Silmaril situation caused them to become estranged. I personally also see Nerdanel's influence on Fëanor and her calming him down and reining him in not as a "temporary fix" that was already bound to go south anyway, but as a healthy dynamic they had developed and that was only disrupted when things escalated around them.

Whether reconciliation is or at least can be possible in the future or not, this relationship shows that Fëanor is capable of being in an equal partnership and letting himself be positively influenced, qualities that Melkor has - setting shipping, fanon and my personal headcanons aside for a moment - at least canonically not shown us, nor that he was capable of it at some point. While both Fëanor and Melkor have quite the ego, this is where the main difference lies.

Another difference are, of course, the children. Fëanor has his seven sons, Melkor has none; he used to have one son back when the Valar still had kids (we now know him as Gothmog), but that concept was removed, so he remains childless. Whether Tolkien's descriptions of evil being fissiparous and corrupting rather than creating means that Melkor is infertile and whether he has at some point attempted to have children the "classic incarnate way" doesn't matter much here - what we can say for certain is that Melkor has a very different concept of fatherhood. To him, it's worship and ownership, and while his ego plays into this, I think he can't entirely be blamed for having this "strange" image due to his experience with Eru.

Fëanor may not have been a perfect parent in every single aspect, but he at least knows what fatherhood looks like and how fathers and sons can love each other, and him dragging his sons into a centuries-long conflict is, in my opinion, a key part of his fall. It would be too much to claim that he became a father like Melkor is to his "creations", but I believe you can say that there was a trend of his fatherly love turning into more of a demand for loyalty.

Thus Finwë, Nerdanel and his sons may act as anchors and incentives for Fëanor to reconsider, as reminders that there are other ways and there are things he at least used to care about more than jewels.

Melkor has none of these. Which relationships remain on his side? He has a brother, but - and in that he's very much like Fëanor - his relationship with Manwë is antagonistic, at least on his part. Otherwise Melkor only has his "creations" and his followers. Most notable among these would be Mairon whom he seems to trust enough to let him run entire fortresses and who appears to have an unusually "harmonious" relationship with Melkor (by harmonious I mean fairly free of their usual bullshit, as in they don't appear to hate each other, fight constantly, undermine and backstab each other, you get the idea). Mairon has even taken over the role of being Melkor's "assistant", the one who completes the projects he starts, a role that was supposed to be filled by Manwë if Melkor hadn't fallen. Setting aside personal headcanons again, there's another reason why Mairon can't serve as a sort of anchor for Melkor: He's evil himself. Only less so than Melkor because he served someone else at first, according to Tolkien. Mairon has supported and enabled Melkor's evil from the beginning not least because he has something to gain from it as well.

Now that we've highlighted some key relationships, another difference I want to touch on is the crafting, creation and learning aspect. Fëanor's skills and notable works don't require much of an introduction, I believe: He has some outstanding achievements under his belt and in various fields too, always attempting to push his limits and eager to learn new things.

Melkor is, and that should not be forgotten, a knowledgeable person. He received the greatest gifts of insight and power (which in the context of Tolkien's world is often more related to knowledge and understanding than raw strength) from Eru and there's a lot to learn from him if the cares to share it, even if it's "evil lore" and he has ulterior motives. As an example, we have Mairon's sorcery and yes, the rings were his fault too.

But the difference lies in Melkor's overall unwillingness to learn. While it's not like he has never learned anything - for example he learned Quenya to communicate with the Elves of Valinor and became so good at it that he could keep up even with poets and loremasters (cf. Ósanwë-kenta) - but he usually doesn't care to, and it shows. Melkor may have taught others how to make weapons, but clearly can't use them too well himself. He may know how to forge, but he's never named among the masterful smiths of Arda. He has the general ability to do a lot of things and knows so much, but doesn't expand on it. Tolkien says that Melkor could have become the most knowledgeable among the Valar if he had learned to take criticism and accept wisdom from others, and as we all know he refused.

Both Melkor and Fëanor are incredibly talented individuals, but what sets them apart is Fëanor's willingness to seek out new knowledge, learn new skills and work on his craft. While he certainly falls into pride as well, it's not extreme as Melkor's belief that he's the master of everything and could never be taught or corrected.

So what makes these differences interesting and relevant to the dynamic of Fëanor and Melkor? Fëanor is, and that conclusion will surprise no one, at his best and healthiest when he deviates from the flaws and issues he shares with Melkor and explores his talents and good qualities instead. Naturally, the same would apply to Melkor if he ever cared to try to change, but as far as canon is concerned he never truly explored relationships and self-improvement as potential enrichment of his existence, and certainly not to the degree Fëanor did.

Conversely, this means that whenever Melkor tries to seduce or corrupt Fëanor, the differences between them are where his angle of attack should be and their similarities are his best weapon. He can tap into his ambition, paranoia, anger, grief and other strong emotions to weaken the bonds Fëanor has with those around him and fan the flames of pride and hubris.

And this is what makes their dynamic so fascinating to me: Two individuals who are very alike, two beings with incredible potential, one has already fallen and is close to the point of no return, the other hasn't. The tragedy of Melkor managing to use this to his advantage to get under Fëanor's skin and in his head, despite his best efforts to resist and his moments of clarity when he sees his evil motives. The way Melkor managed to manipulate Fëanor and dragged him down with him in a way. The emotions, the drama and the utter devastation left in their wake.

Well then, we've reached the end of my notes. Sitting down one night and writing almost 4 pages of notes in a frenzy at 3 am has resulted in a... cute little wall of text.

Did you notice the reference behind the naming of the parts? ;)

Thank you for reading, I hope some thoughts I shared were interesting and/or insightful and if you have more to add I'm excited to hear your thoughts ♡

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Narrative echoes, or: The dynamic of Fëanor and Melkor

(And some notes on The Morgoth)

I promised an analysis for these two and I shall deliver. There will be three parts (the titles will make sense in the end), with the second being the longest. Obligatory disclaimer that this is just somebody on the internet expressing their thoughts and research and all that and there is no need to get upset. Let's go.

Huge thank you to @caitlincalculator and @mirkwood for their support and encouragement so I can finally tackle this.

𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑶𝒏𝒆: 𝑺𝒌𝒚

Fëanor and Melkor. To call them mere enemies may be an understatement, considering how they sealed each other's fates. But there is more to their dynamic than enmity - there are also strong narrative parallels that enhance both of their arcs and the underlying message, painting a fascinating picture of the dangers of pride and the pitfalls of potential.

Let's begin by highlighting some key traits they have in common.

Firstly, and perhaps most notably, Melkor and Fëanor are the greatest of their kind, mightiest of the Ainur and mightiest of the Elves respectively. Both were born/created with incredible potential to accomplish great things. And they have undoubtedly been great; in Fëanor's case more obviously so, with all the marvelous works he created (the Silmarils, the Palantíri, etc). In Melkor's case one may wonder if his deeds can truly count as great accomplishments that would in any way be comparable to either Fëanor or his own peers, given how many of his plans and goals were destructive and a significant amount also ended up as failures or backfired in some way or another.

Yet, while Melkor doesn't have that one masterful work on par with the Silmarils to present, he has single-handedly changed the fate of the universe through his discord, so thoroughly that his influence can never be fully eradicated until the world is remade ("a seed that does not die and cannot be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and will bear dark fruit even unto the latest days"). Him pouring his spiritual essence into Arda has undoubtedly weakened him on a personal level, but also created an ultimate lose-lose situation where defeating him for good necessitates the end of the world. Melkor essentially has his own One Ring and said Ring is the very world that Eru made indestructible via fate itself, even if someone tried (at least until Dagor Dagorath, if one wants to still consider it part of their personal canon). Thus, Melkor has accomplished something terrible but nevertheless great, and both he and Fëanor have closely identified themselves with a piece of creation that they had a hand in making and shaping, to the point that their fates and possibly lives are tied to it.

Even so, they could have used their potential to achieve even greater things or at least more great things. As far as Fëanor is concerned this is made explicit in the text - "The works of wonder for the glory of Arda that he might otherwise have wrought only Manwë might in some measure conceive" - and I would argue that it's very likely that Manwë thought and felt similarly about Melkor who "he knew that in the beginning, in the thought of Ilúvatar, [...] had been even as he". One can only imagine the possibilities if things had been different.

Both Fëanor and Melkor are, or at least at some point were, known for ambitious creative pursuits. They feel the need to and were destined to, putting it in very general terms, make things. Furthermore, they both seem to prefer working alone generally, but ultimately can't create all on their own. Once again, Fëanor shows this more clearly by willingly seeking the company and wisdom of Nerdanel in particular. Melkor on the other hand thinks himself above such partnerships and, if he ever had or at least desired a relationship like this, refused to admit so. Yet even he was made to cooperate with others and, despite his best efforts, finds himself in need of some sort of creative partner who picks up and carries out the project he starts. This role was supposed to be taken by Manwë and later taken over by Mairon.

Tying into this, Fëanor and Melkor also appear to feel drawn to fellow creatives. Nerdanel, Mairon and various other associates of Aulë, Maiarin or Elven, come to mind. One may even say they were drawn to each other, at least Melkor to Fëanor. Perhaps the feeling would have been mutual in another scenario too. Whether they like to admit it or not, the creativity and works of others can rouse their curiosity as much as their own and they may seek to get involved in one way or another, one example being Melkor's attempt to claim partial credit for the making of the Silmarils.

Fëanor and Melkor also share a connection to the element of fire. Aside from the usual connotations of fire - passion, destructive potential, rage, zeal and divinity (within the context of Christianity), energy, fear, heat, beauty - it has a special importance within the context of the legendarium, being connected to the Flame Imperishable with which the ëalar of the Ainur were kindled and a spark of which is within every fëa, granting sentience and free will. For Fëanor it's even in his name: Spirit of Fire. Melkor is, while being jack-of-all-trades among the Ainur, most commonly associated with fire and ice, as well as extreme heat and cold, and many fire spirits serve him.

Another interesting parallel between Fëanor and Melkor is the lack of a mother figure. Once again this is more palpable in Fëanor's case, since he was born to Míriel who then grew weary of living and departed. Being the only Elfling at the time who had lost a parent, Fëanor grew up in unusual circumstances and was deeply affected by it. One can only imagine a young Fëanor seeing other Elflings with their mothers and trying to understand why his was no longer with him.

Melkor on the other hand never had a mother in the first place, as do all the Ainur; they're also not born like Elflings are, but instead created by one single parent. Eru is a sexless and likely also genderless entity, but has chosen to present himself as a father, most likely to make his existence and role a little more comprehensible to his creations. He also acts - if his behavior can be compared to any concept or experience familiar to us - more like a father, a distant one at that. Thus, one may conclude that, even if Melkor had a limited (if any) understanding of what a mother is and no exposure to his peers having another parent, he has certainly lacked at least the abstract concept of motherly qualities in a parent, and that it has affected him at least insofar that he may have turned out differently if the situation had been different.

One last interesting observation I've made while comparing Fëanor and Melkor that I want to highlight here is that they both also have the capacity to master the tools of others in addition to their own creations. In the Silmarils, Fëanor preserved the light of the Two Trees of Valinor which had been created by Yavanna. Melkor learned language in addition to ósanwë - which is the native form of communication for an Ainu - to communicate with incarnates whose minds weren't open and became quite adept at Quenya. This shows not only adaptability and intelligence on both of their parts, but also that their skill and influence isn't limited to one designated craft or realm. They're not afraid to expand their reach and set of skills to accomplish what they seek to accomplish.

To be continued in part two...

#analysis #silm meta #melkor #morgoth #feanor #fëanor #silmarillion #tolkien #part 3/3

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